¶ The first tale .

THeare was two men of Gotam , & the one was goyng to the market to Nottyngham to buye sheepe and the other dyd come from the Market , and bothe met together vppon Nottingham brydge . Well met said the one to the other . Whether be you going ( sayde hee that came from Nottyngeham , to hym that wente to Nottingeham . ) Marye sayde be that wente to Nottyngham , I goe to the market to buye sheepe . Buye sheepe saide the other ? and whyche waye wylte thou brynge them . Marye sayde the other . I wyll brynge them ouer thys bridge . By Robyn hoode sayd he that cam from Nottingham , but thou shalte not . By Mayde Maryon sayde he that wente to the market but I wyll . Thou shalte not sayde the other . I wyll sayde the other . Let bere , sayd the one . Shows theare , sayde the other . They beat theyr staues agaynste the grounde , one agaynste the other , as theare had bene a hundred seepe betwixt them . Holde in theare layde the one . Beware of 〈…〉yng ouer the brydge of my sheepe sayd the other , I care not sa●d the other , they shal not come thys waye by the masse . By the masse sayde the other , but they shall . Then sayde the other , and thou make muche to doe , I wyll put my fynger in thy mouthe . A turde thou wilte , saide the other . And as they weare at thys contencyon , another man of Gotam dyd come from the market wyth a sacke of meale vppon an horse . And seyng & hearing his neyghboures at stryfe , for sheepe , and none betwixt them said a fooles will you neuer learne wyt . Helpe we saide bee that had the meale , and laye my sacke vppon my shulder , they dyd so . And he went to the one side of the bridge , and vn losed the mouth of the sacke , and did shake oute all hys meale in to the ryuer , now neyghbour sayde this man , howe much meale is theare in my sacke nowe , marye theare is noue at all sayde they , Now by my faythe sayd he euen as muche witte is in youre twoo headdes , to stryue for that thyng which ye haue not .

Which was the wisest of al these three persons ? Judge you .

¶ The ii . tale .

THeare was a man of Gotam dyd ryde to thee market wyth twoo bussheles of wheate , and bycause hys horse shoulde not beare heauye , hee caryed hys corne vppon hys owne necke , and dyd ryde vppon hys horse , because hys horse shoulde not cary no heauy burthen .

¶ The iii. tale .

On a time the men of Gotam , wold haue py●ned the Cockow , that she should sing all the yeare and in the myddest of the towne they dyd make a hedge ( round in compas , ) and they had got a Cocow , and put her in it and sayde , singe here all the yeare , and thou shalte lacke neyther meate nor drincke . The Cocow as soone as shee was set wyth in the hedge , flew her waye . A vengeaunce on her sayde they , we made not our hedge high ynough .

¶ The iiii . tale .

THere was a man of Gotam the which went to the market to Nottingham to sell cheese . And as hee was goynge downe the hyll to Nottingham b 〈…〉 e , one of hys cheeses dyd fall out of hys poake , and did runne downe the hyl . A horsons said the felow , can you runne to the market alone I will sende the one after the other of you . He layde downe hys poake , and tooke the cheeses , and dyd trundle them downe the hyll one after another : and some ran into one busshe , and some into another . And at the laste he sayde I charge you all meete me in the market place . When the fellowe dyd come into the market place to meete hys cheeses , hee dyd tarie tyll the market was almoste done . Then he went about , and dyd inquyre of hys neighboures , and other men if they did see his cheeses come to the market ? Who shoulde bringe them ? sayd one of the market men . Marye them selues sayd the fellow , they knew the way well ynoughe . He taryed still tyll it was nyght . At nyghte he said a vengeaunce on them al. I dyd feare to see that my cheeses dyd runne so faste , that they runne beyonde the market : I am sure that they be almoste now at Yorke . He hyred a horse to ryde after to Yorke to seeke hys cheeses wheare they weare not . But to thys daye , no man coulde tell hym of hys cheeses .

¶ The v. tale .

THeare was a man of Gotam and he did buy at Nottynge ham a Trefete ( or a Brandyron . ) And as he was going home , his shoulder dyd ake : And hee dyd set downe hys Trefete , and see that it had thre feete sayde , a horsen , haste thou three feete , and I but two , thou shalte beare me home if thou wilte , and dyd syt downe on the trefete and sayd , beare me as long as I haue borne the , for if thou do not , thou shalt stand still for mee . The man of Gotam dyd see that hys Trefete wolde not goe further , stand styll sayd he in the Mares name , and folowe mee if thou wylte , I wyll tell thee the ryghte waye to my house . Whan he did com home to his house his wife sayd , where is my Brandiron or trefete . The man sayde he hath three legges , and I haue but two legges , and I dyd teach hym the way to my house , let hym come home if hee wyll . Wheare lefte ye the Trefete sayde the wyfe , at Gotam hyll , sayde the man . The wife did run and fetch home hir trefete , or else she had lost it .

¶ The vi tale .

THeare dwelt a smith in Gotam the whych had a Waspes nest in the straw in the ende of his Forge . Theare dyd come one of hys neyghboures to haue hys horse shooed , and the waspes weare so busye that the fellow was stong , with a waspe . He beyng angrye sayde , art thou worthy to keepe a Forge , to haue men st●nge here wythe Waspes ? O neyghboure sayde the smythe , be content . I wyll put them from theyr neste bye and bye . He tooke a Coulter and heated it in hys Forge glowyng hote , and thruste it into the strawe in the ende of hys Forge . And so he dyd set hys Forge a fyre , and dyd burne it vppe . Than sayde the Smythe . I tolde thee that I woulde fyre them forth of theyr nestes .

The vii . tale .

WHen that good Frydaye was come , the men of Gotam dyd caste theyr heads together what they shuld doe with theyr whyte hearyng , and theyr red hearyng , and their sprottes , and salt fyshe , One consulted with the other , and agreed that all such fysh should be cast into their pond or poole ( the whiche was in the myddle of theyr towne , ) that it myghte increase againste the nexte yeare . Euerye man that had any fishe lefte , dyd cast it into the poole , the one sayd I haue thus manye whyte hearinges , the other sayde , I haue thus many sprots , another sayde I haue thus many red hearings , the other said I haue thus much salte fyshe . Let all go together in to the poole or pond , and we shall fare like Lordes next lent . At the beginninge of the next lent , folowinge , the men dyd drawe theyr ponde to haue theyr syshe : & there was nothing but a great Ele.

( A sayde they all ) a mychiefe on this Ele , for he hathe eate vp all our fyshe . What shal we do wyth hym sayde the one to the other . Kill hym said another . Chop him al to peces said another . Nay not so said other , let vs drowne him : be it sayd all .

They wente to another poole or pond by , and dyd cast in the Eele into the water . Lye theare sayde they and shift for thy selfe , for no helpe thou shalte haue of vs . And theare they lefte the Eele to bee drowned .

The viii . tale .

ON a time the men of Gotam had forgotten to paye theyr rent to their Lord . The one sayd to the other , to morow is our pay day , and what reamedy shall we fynde to sende our money to oure Lorde ? The one sayde thys daye I haue taken a quicke Hare , and he shall carye it , for he is lyght of foote . Be it sayde all , he shal haue a letter , and a purse to put in our money and wee wyll tell hym the waye . When the Letters weare wryt , and the money put into a pursse , they dyd tye them aboute the Hares necke sayinge , fyrste thou must go to Lowghburrow , and then to Leyceter , and at newwarke theare is our Lorde , and commende vs to him , and theare is hys dutye . The hare as soone as hee was out of theyr handes , he did run a clene contrary way ▪ Some cryed out to hym sayinge thou must goe to Lowghburrow fyrste . Some sayde lett the Hare alone , he can tel a nearer way than the best of vs all : let him go .

The ix . tale .

ON a tyme theare was one of Gotam mowynge in the meades , and found a great grashopper . He dyd caste downe hys sythe and dyd runne home to his neighbours and sayde that there was a Deuill in the fyelde that hopped in the grasse . Then there was euerye man readye wythe clubbes and staues , wythe , Halbardes , and other weapons , to go to kill the Grashopper . Whan they did come to the place where that the Grashopper shoulde bee . Sayde the one to the other , lette euerye man crosse hym selfe from this deuill , for we wyll not meddle wyth hym . And so they returned home againe and sayde , wee weare well bleste thys daye that we went no further . A cowardes sayd he that had the sythe in the mead , helpe me to fetch my sithe . No saide they , it is good to sleape in a whole skynne : better it is to leese thy sithe , then to mar vs all .

The x. tale .

IN a certaine tyme theare weare twelue of Gotam did goe a fysshyng , & some did wade in the water , and some stoode a drye lande . And when that they went homewarde , the one sayde to the other , wee haue ventured farre to day in wadyng I pray god that none of vs ( that dyd come from home ) bee drowned . Marye sayde the one to the other , let vs see that , for theare dyd twelue of vs come oute . And they tolde themselues , and euerye man dyd tell a leuen , and the twelfe man dyd neuer tell hym selfe . Alas sayde the one to the other there is one of vs drowned . They went backe to the brooke whear that they had ben fishing and sought vp and down for him that was drowned , & dyd make great lamentacion . A Courtyer dyd come ridyng by and dyd aske what that they dyd seeke . And whye they weare so sorye . O sayd they this daye we wente to fysshe this brooke and there dyd come out twelue of vs , and one is drowned . Why said the Courtier tell how many be of you . And the one tolde . xi . and hee dyd not tell himselfe . Well sayd the Courtier what will you geue mee & I wyll fynd out twelue 〈◊〉 Syr sayde they , al the money that we haue . Geue mee the money : sayde the courtier . And he began with the fyrste , and did geue him a te●o●bētibus ouer the shoulders that he groned , and sayd there is one : so be serued all that they groned on the matter when he dyd come to the laste he payde him a good sayinge , here is the twelfe man . Gods blessing on your hart sayd nil the companie , that you haue found out our neighbour .

¶ The xi . tale .

THere was a man of Gotam did ride by the way & did find a cheese in the bye way , & he puld , out his sword , & poryd & prieked with the poynte of his swerd to take by the cheese . Theare did come another man by & did a lyght & toke vp the chese & rid his way . The man of gotam did ride back to Nottingham to buye a longer swerd to take vp the cheese . And when he had bought his swerd he ●turned back .

And when he did come to the place wheare the cheese dyd lye he pulled out his swerde and prycked at the grounde sayinge , a murryon take it , if I had had thys swerde I had had the cheese .

¶ The. xii . tale .

THere was a man of Gotam & hee dyd not loue his wyfe : & she hauinge a fayre heare , hir husbande said diuers times that he would cut it of , & he durste not doe it when she was waking , but when she was a sleape . So on a night he toke vp a paire of sheres and layde them vnder hys beads head , the whyche the wyfe perceyued . And then shee dyd call to her one of her maydes and sayde , go to bead to my husband , for hee is mynded to cut of my heare to nyght , let hym cut of thy heare , & I wyll giue thee as good a kyrtle as euer thou dydst weare . The mayde dyd so , & faynded her selfe a sleepe the whiche the man perceyuyng cut of the maydes heare and dyd wrap it about the shetes and layde it vnder hys beaddes head , and fell a sleape . The wyfe made her mayde to aryse , & tooke the heare and the sheres , & went into the hall & burnte the heare . This man had a horse the which hee dyd loue aboue all thynges . The wyfe went into the stable , & cut of the horse tayle . & dyd wrap the sheres in the horse tayle , and layd it vnder hir husbands heade . In the mornynge shee dyd ryse be time , & did sit by the fire keyming hir head . At last the man did come to the fire , & seynge his wife keyming hir hed maruelled on it the maide seing her master standyng in a browne studie saide , what a deuil aileth the horse in the stable for he bledeth sare , the good man ran into the stable , & fou●de that h●s horse taile was cut of hee went to his beads head & did finde the sheres wrapt in hys horse taile , & did com to his wife saying , I cry the merit for I had thought that I had cut of thy heare to night , & I haue cut of my horse tayle . Ye sayd she selfe do selfe haue , manye a man thinketh to do another man a shrewdde turne , and turnethe oft tymes to his owne selfe .

¶ The. xiii . tale .

THere was a man in Gotam that layde a wager wythe hys wyfe that shee shoulde not make him cokold . No said she but I can . Spare not said he , do what thou canste , On a tyme she hyd al the sypggots & fassets in the house , and shee went into her butterie and set a barrell a broche , & cryed to her husband and sayde , I preye you brynge me heather a spyggot and a fasset , or else al the ale wyll runne out . The good man sought vp and downe and coulde fynde none . Come hether sayde she than , and holde your fynger in the tap hole . She pulled out her finger , and the good man put in hys . She then called to her a Tayler the whyche did dwell at the nexte doore , with whom shee made a blinde bargyne . And wythin a whyle shee did come to her husbande and dyd brynge a spiggot & a fasset with hir saying pul out your finger out of the tap hole gentle Cockold for you haue lost your bargayn . I be shrew thy hair for thy fauour said the good man . Make no suche bargaynes then sayde she with me .

¶ The xiiii . tale .

THeare was a man of Gotam that had take a Bustard , & to the eating of it bee did did . iiii . or . v. gentlemens seruaunts . The wyfe had kylled an olde broone goose : and she and two of hir gosseps had eaten vpp the Bustarde . The olde goose was layde to the fyre for the gentlemens seruants . Whan that they were come , and the old goose set before them , what is this sayd one of the men ? The goodman said , a good fat bustard . A bustard said they ? it is an olde goose , and thou arte a knaue to mocke vs . And in a great anger they departed out of the house & went home . The fellow was sory that the gentlemans seruanntes weare angry , and dyd take a bag and dyd put in the Bustardes fethers , and thought to go to them and shew them the fethers of the Bustarde , and so to please them . The wife prayed hir husband ( or he wente ) to fetche in a blocke to the fyre : and in the meane space she dyd put out all the Bustardes fethers , and dyd put in the goose fethers . The man takynge hys purse or bag , went to the gentlemens seruauntes and sayde . I pray you be not angrye wyth mee for you shall see here that I had a bustard , for here be the fethers ▪ & he opened his bag , and did shake out the goose fethers , The gentlemens seruants seing the goose fethers sayde , why knaue couldest thou not be contented to mocke vs at home at thine owne house , but art come to mock vs here , the one tooke a waster , & dyd geue hym a dosen stripes sayng , take this for a reward , & mock vs no more .

¶ The xv . tale .

THeare was a yonge man of Gotam the which should go a woing to a faire maid : his mother did warne hym sayinge , when than dost loke vpon her , cast a sheepes eye and saye , bow daye sweete pygges aye ? The felowe went to the butchers & bought vii . or . viii . sheepeseyes , & when thys lusty woer did sit , at di●t he wold loke vpon his faire wench & wold caste in hir face a sheepes eye sayinge , how do you my pigges nye . how do I ( said the wench swines face , why doest thou cast the sheepes eye vpon me . O sweete piggs eye sayd he , haue at thee another . I defye thee swynes face sayde the wenche . The fellow beinge abasshed sayd , what sweete pygge be content for and if thou do liue vntill the next yeare , thou wilt be a foule sow ▪ Walk knaue walk sayd she , for if thou dust liue til the next yeare , thou wil be a starke kneue a lubber , and a foole . Here a man may see , for a mans good will he shall haue euil will & dipleasure .

¶ The xvi . tale .

A Mans wife of Gotam was brought a bed of a man childe The father dyd vyd the gossops , the whiche were chyldren of viii . or nyne yeares of age . The eldest childes name that should be godfather was named Gylbert . The second chyld was named Hūfry . And the godmothers name was Christabell . The friends of them dyd monyshe them sayinge , that dyuers tymes they must say after the prieste . Whan all weare come to the church dore , the priest said , be you agreed of the name ? be you said Gylbert agreed of the name ? Be you sayde Hūfry agreed of the name . Be you said Chrystabell agreed of the name , the priest sayd whearfore bee you come hether ? Gylbert sayde , wherefore be you come hether . Humfry said wherefore hee you come hether Christabell sayde whearfore , be you come hether . The priest being amased coulde not tell what to saye , but whisteled & saide whew , Gylbert whisteled and said whew , Hūfry whistled and said whew , & so did Christabell . The priest being angry said , go home fooles go home Go home fooles go home said gilbert , go home fooles go hom said Humfry , go home fooles go home said Christabell . The priest then prouided for God fathers & Godmothers . Here a man maye see that chyldren can do nothing with out good instructions . And they be not wise that wil regard childrens wordes .

¶ The xvii . tale .

THere was a man of Gotam the whych shuld be maried , & when the day of maryage was appoynted , & the time came that they shoulde be maried together , the priest sayd say after me . The man said say after me . The priest said , say not after me such words but say after me as I wil tel thee . The fellow said , say not after me such wordes , but saye after me as I will tell thee . The priest sayde , thou dost playe the foole and the knaue , to mock with this holy sacrament of matrymony . The fellow said , thou dost play the foole and the knaue to mock with this holie sacrament of matrymonye . The priest could not tell what to say , but said what shal I do with this foole ? The felow said , what shal I doe with this foole . Farewell sayde the prieste , I wyll not marrie thee . Farewell sayde the fellow , I wyll not marrye thee . The prieste departed : how bee it the fellow ( by other men ) was instructed how to doe : & after that hee was maryed . And I hard say such a folish pranke was played at Kingston of late dayes .

The xviii . tale .

Theare was a Scottish man the whiche dyd dwell at gotam , and hee had taken an house a lytle from London , and of it he would make an Inne , and to his Signe hee woulde haue a Bores head . And he wente to London to haue a Bores head made . He dyd come to a Caruer ( or a Joyner ) saying in his mother-tonge , I saye spek , kens thou make me a Bare heade ? ; ye said the Caruer . Than sayd the skotyshman , mek me a bare head anenst yow le , an thowse bus haue xx pence for thy hyre . I wyll doe it sayde the Caruer . On S. Andrewes daye before Chrystmas ( the which is named yow le in Scotland , & in England in the north . ) the skottish man did com to Londē for his Bores heade to set at a dore for a signe . I say speke said the skotish man , haste thou made me a Bare head ? Yea said the Caruer . Then thowse a gewd fellow . The Caruer went and did bryng a mans head of wod that was bare and sayd , syr here is youre bare head . I say sayde the skotyshman , the mokyl deuill , is this a bare head ? Ye said the caruer . I say sayd the Shotishman , I will haue a bare head , syk an head as doth follow a Sew that hath Gryces . Syr said the caruer , I can not tel what is a Sew , nor what is a Gryce . whet hersō , kenst thou not a sew that wil greet & grone , & her gryces wil run after her & cry a weke a weke . O said the Caruer , it is a pigge . Yea said the skotish man , let me haue his fathers head made in timber , & mek me a bird & set it on his skalps , and cause her to sing whip whir , whip whir . The caruer sayde , I can not cause her to singe whip whir . Whe horson sayde the skotish man gar her as she woulde singe whip whir .

Here a man maye see that euerye man doth delight in his owne sences , or doth reioice in his fantasie

¶ The xix . tale .

IN old time when as these afore said Jestes was ( as men of that cuntrey reporteth ) that such fantasticall matters weare done at gotam ( the which I can not tell halfe . ) The wyues weare gathered together in an ale house and the one sayde to the other that they weare all profitable to their husbandes . Whyche waye good gossips sayd the Ale wife . The fyrste sayd , I shall tell you all good gossips : I can neither bake nor brew nor I can doe no worke , whearefore I do make euery day holiday & I go to the ale house , bicause at all times I cannot go to the church , & in the ale house I praye to God to speede well my husband . And I do think my praier shal do him much more good then my labour if I could worke . Then sayde the second , I am profitable to my husband in sauing of candels in winter for I do cause my husband and al my house solkes to go to bead by daylighte , & to rile by daylight . The thyrd wife sayd , & I am profytable to my husbande in spending of bread , for I will eate but litle , for to the drinckyng of a galon or two of good ale , I care for no meate . The fourth wife saide , I am loth to spend meat & drinke at home in my owne house , wherfore I do go to the wine tauerne at Nottingham , & do take wine , and such things as god shal send me theare . The fifte wyfe sayd a man shall euer haue more companye in another mans house then his owne ( & most commonlye in an Ale house is the best cheare in a towne . ) And for sparing of meate & drynke and other necessaryes , I do go to the ale house . The sixt wife said , my husband hath woll , and flax and tow : and to spare it , I go to other mens houses to do other mens worke . The seuenth wife said , I do spare my husbands wood & cole , and do sit talking al the day by other mens fires . The eight said , beefe , mutton , & porcke is dere , wherfore I doe spare it , & do take pigge , goose , hen , chicken conye and capon , the which be of lower pryce . The ninth said , & I do spare my husbands sope & lye , for when hee shoulde be wasshed once in a weeke , I doe wash once in a quarter of a yeer . Then sayd the ale wife , and I doe keepe my husbandes ale ( that I do brew , ) from sowryng . For wheare as I was wont to drynke vp all , nowe I do haue neuer a drop .

The. xx . tale .

ON Ash wednesday the priest of gotam wold make a colacion to his parishoners and said , freyndes the tyme is come that you must vse praier and fasting , & almes dedes , and this weke cum you to shryfte , and I wyll tel you more of my mynd , for as for prayers , I thinke theare bit not two persons in the parish can say halfe their Pater noster . As for fasting you fast styll : for you haue not a good meales meat through the whole yeare . As for almes dedes , what shuld you do to giue any thyng , that hath nothing to take to . But when that you doe come to shrift , I will tel you more of my mynd . After masse , the good man that did keepe the ale house , did come to shrift , & aboue al thinges bee confessed hymselfe to bee drunck diuers times in the yeere , specially in Lent . The priest sayd in Lent thou shouldest moste refraine from drunkenes , & abstaine from drinke . Not so said the fellow , for it is an old prouerbe , that fishe must swim , Ye sayd the prieste , it must swim in water . I crye God mercy sayd the fellow . I thought it shuld haue swom in good ale .

¶ The xxi tale .

SO one after another the men of Gotam did come to shrift , & whan they were shryuen the priest said I cannot tell what penaunce to geue you . If I should enioyne you to prayer , there is non of you that can say your Pater noster , & you be now to old to learne . And i● 〈◊〉 ●nioye you to fast , it weare but folyshnes , for you doe not eate a good meales meate in a yeare . Wherefore I do inioyne the to labour wel the weeke , that thou maist farewel to diner on the sondaies : and I wil come to dnner and see that it be so , and take part . Another man hee dyd enioyne to fare well the monday . And another the tuesday . And so one after another , that one or other shoulde fare well once a weeke , that hee myght haue parte of the meate . And as for almes deedes the priest sayd , you be but beggers all , excepte it be one or two , therfore bestowe the almes on youre owne selues .