HOwe so euermen commonly talke of me ( as pardie I am not ignoraunt what lewde reportes go on FOLIE , yea euen amongis those that are veriest fooles of all ) yet that I am she , I onely ( I saie ) who through myne influence do gladde both the Goddis and men , by this it maie appeare sufficiently : that as soone as I came forth to saie my mynd afore this your so notable assemblie , A fooles presence sterreth laughter . by and by all your lokes began to clere vp : vnbendyng the frounyng of your browes , & laughyng vpon me with so merie a countinaunce , as by my trouth me semeth euin , that all ye ( whom I see here present ) doe fare as if ye were well whitled , and thoroughly moysted with the Nectar wine of the Homericall Goddis , not without a porcion of the iuyce of that meruaillous herbe Nepenthes , whiche hath force to put sadnesse and melancholie from the herte : Where as before ye satte all heauie , and glommyng , as if ye had come lately from Trophonius caue , or sainct Patrikes purgatorie . But lyke as whan Phebus displaieth his golden bright raies vppon the earth , or whan after a sharpe stormie wynter , the new primetyde flourissheth with his caulme sweete Westerne wyndꝭ , than ( loe ) a new lykenesse , a newe hewe , and a newe youthe ( as it were ) retourneth vnto all thynges : Euen so , as soone as I appeared , ye all beganne to loke vp lustily . So , what thyng theis cunnyng Rhetoriciens for all theyr longe , and forepenned oracions can hardly bringe about ( I meane to driue care , and pensiuenesse out of the hearers myndes ) that haue I with my onely loke , and presence accomplisshed . And now ye shall wite , to what eutent at this tyme , in this so straunge an apparell , I am come foorthe amongis you : vpon condicion ye will not thinke muche to bestowe on me your eares a while . To trifuls better eare geuen , then to grauer matti●s . I meane not those eares that ye carie with you to sermons , but those ye geue to plaiers , to iesters , and to fooles . Yea those ( hardly ) wherwith my friende Midas whilom herkened to the rurall god Pan , in preferryng his rusticall songe , before Apollos farre fyner Melodie . For I purpose a season to become a Sophiste , mistake me not I praie you , as if I saied Sophistrer , suche as now a daies driue into childers headis , certaine tangled trifuls , with more than womens stubbournesse and skoldyng in their disputacions . But I meane the other , who to the ende they myght shonne that presumptuous name of Sophi or wysemen , did rather take vpon them to be called Sophistes : Whose study and profession it was , to aduaunce , and set foorth in theyr writyngis the praises bothe of the Goddis , and of men also , suche as were famous and worthies here in earth . Ye shall heare therfore the praise set foorth , not of Hercules , nor yet of Solon , but rather of myne owne selfe , That is to saie of Folie . In whiche poinct , a strawe for all these cankerd philosophers , and sages , who saie it is a moste outragious folie and presumpcion , for one to praise hym selfe . For truly let them make it as foolisshe a parte as they lyste , so longe as they can not denie it to be congruent . And what ( I praie you ) maie be more apt or better sittyng , than dame Foly to praise hir selfe , and be hir owne trumpet ? For who can liuelier descriue me then I my selfe ? Unles perhaps some be better acquainted with me , then I my selfe am . Notwithstandynge , euen this myselfepraise ( as me semeth ) I maie well take vpon me with a more shamefast grace , than to do as commenly theis great , and learned men vse , who suborne some glosyng oratour , Oratours and poetes or vayne spoken poete , hyred also for mede , to dilate and blaste foorth their praises , or ( rightlier to saie ) peincted lies . And yet shall one of those shamefast , maidenly men not sticke than to displaie his pecockes fethers , and rowse hym selfe , whyles suche shameles flaterers dooe goe about to make him , being a man lesse worth than naught , coequall yet vnto the Gods , in blasonnyng hym for a paragonne , and absolute example of all maner vertues , from which he knoweth hym selfe to be as farre wyde , as from hence to the man in the moone . Namely whiles those glorious glosers woulde decke the crow with other burds fethers , or peyne theim to washe awaie a Morions blackenesse , or labour of a sely fly to make an Elephant . For shorte , I folowe in this poincte the common prouerbe , whiche saieth , that he maie rightly praise hym selfe , whom none other bodie will . All be it to saie the trueth , I can not but meruaile at mens ingratitude ( shuld I call it ) or negligence ? that where with one assent they all so frankely dooe obserue me , and gladly peruse my commoditees , yet hath not one of theim , now so many reuolucions of yeres passed , vnder taken with some thankefull oracion to set foorthe the praises of me Folie , where as some of theym haue not wanted , who with solemne styles , and muche losse of slepe and candell , shewed at lest theyr folie , what euer theyr mattier was , in commendacion , some of this notable tyranne , some of that , some in praise of the feuer quartane , others in settyng foorth what commoditees be in a flie , in baldnesse , or suche lyke hatefull thyngꝭ . But at my hand , ye shall heare an vnaduised , and sodeine tale tolde , thoughe so muche perhaps the truer , Whiche I woulde not ye shoulde thynke were saied of me for a colour , to aduaunce therby the rypenesse of my witte , as commonly these learned men do . Who puttyng foorthe ( as ye knowe ) some boke more than whole .xxx. wynters had in cullyng , The vaine glorie of learned men . ye and that sometymes none of their owne doyng , will sweare yet , that they made it but for a recreacion of theyr grauer studies , or rather as fast as penne coulde renne . For truly it hath euer best lyked me to speake streight what so euer laie on my tongues ende . But this , to the ende ye loke not for it , I doe warne ye of afore hande , that I in no wyse will , accordyng to these common Sophisters and Rhetoriciens maner , go about to shew by diffinicion what I am , and muche lesse vse any diuision : In as muche as I holde bothe the one , and the other for vnluckie tokens , either to comprehende hir vnder a certaine ende , or limite , whose influence stretcheth so vniuersally , orels to diuide hir , in whose obseruaunce all men dooe so wholy consent . And yet I can not tell to what purpose it shoulde serue , to represent a certaine shadow , or image of my selfe , where as presently ye maie discerne me with your eies . For I am here ( as ye see ) the distributrix and dealer of all felicitee , named 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 in Greeke , in Latine Stultitia , in Englishe Folie . But aye , what neded me to vtter thus muche ? as if I bare not signes enough in my face , and countinance , what maner person I am : Or as if some one contendyng that I were Minerua , or Sophia , myght not straight with my onely loke be confuted , though I helde my talke , whiche is no liyng myrrour of the mindes disposicion . For in me ( ye must thynke ) is no place for settyng of colours as I can not saie one thyng , and thynke an other : but on all sydes I dooe resemble my selfe . Folie dissembled . So that not so muche as they can dissemble me , who take vpon theim most semblant of wysedome , and walke lyke Asses in Lyons skynnes . That althoughe they counterfeite what they can , yet on some syde their longe eares pearyng foorth , dooe discouer them to come of Midas progenie . The vnkyndest kynde of men liuyng , who beyng in deede the verie standerd bearers of my bande , woulde seeme yet afore folke to be so ashamed of my name , as not seldome they cast it in others teethe for a great reproche . Suche men therfore , that in deede are archdoltes , and woulde be taken yet for sages and philosophers , maie I not aptelie calle theim foolelosophers ? For as in this behalfe I haue thought good to borowe a littell of the Rethoriciens of these daies , Obscur●●● and affe●●tacion of writers . who plainely thynke theim selfes demygods , if lyke horsleches thei can shew two tongues , I meane to mingle their writingꝭ with wordis sought out of strange langages , as if it were alonely thyng for theim to poudre theyr bokes with ynkehorne termes , although perchaunce as vnaptly applied , as a gold rynge in a sowes nose . That and if they want suche farre fetched vocables , than serche they out of some rotten Pamphlet foure or fyue disused woordis of antiquitee , therewith to darken the sence vnto the reader , to the ende , that who so vnderstandeth theim , maie repute hym selfe for more cunnyng , and litterate : and who so dooeth not , shall s● muche the rather yet esteeme it to be some high mattier , because it passeth his learnyng . For this is truely not the least of my pleasant propretees , to make men euer sette moste store by straunge and outlandisshe thyngꝭ . So that some be of suche a vaingloriousnesse , as whan they can least skyll therof , yet will they flire , and nodde the head at it , and ( as the Asse doeth ) wagge theyr eares , to make others beleue that they are depely seen sherin . And this , is thus . But now I retourne to my mattier . Ye haue hearde my name than ( O my friendis ) what addicion shall I geue you ? What ? but my most foolisshe friendis . For by what more manerly surname maye the Goddesse Folie calle hir seruauntis , and alies ? But now seyng all folkis know not of what lynage I am descended , so healpe me the Muses as I entende to declare the same vnto you . Folies father . My father therfore was neyther Chaos , nor Orcus , nor Saturnus , nor any other of that olde and rustie race of Gods , but Plutus the golden god of riches , and the onely syre of Gods and men , though Hesiodus , Homere , yea and Iupiter hym selfe stande neuer so stifly against me . At whose onely becke as aforetymes , so now also bothe holy , and vnholy thyngꝭ be tourned topset turuie . At whose arbitrement , warre , peace , kyngdomes , counsailes , iudgementis , assemblees , mariages , couenauntꝭ , leagues , lawes , sciences , games , earnest mattiers ( my breath faileth me ) to be short , The force of money . all publike , and priuate doyngis of men are administred . Without whose ayde , the whole route of the poeticall Goddis , yea I will saie further , those that be the chosen Goddis should either not be at all , or liue els with a messe of sklendre chere : That whom so he is agreued with , Pallas is not able to protecte hym . And who so hath hym on his syde , maie ( if it lyke hym ) ●efie Iupiter , with all his thunder .

And suche a father ( loe ) dooe I glorie in . Who neither begatte me of his braine , Folies mother . as Iupiter did that vnamiable , skowlyng Goddesse Pallas , but of Youthe , a Nymph aboue all others most fayre , and goodly . Neither was he ( I warrant you ) at the tyme of my begettyng clogged with the heauie yoke of wedlocke , wherin Vulcane that lymphault smithe was borne , but rather mixed in loue ( as my Homere saieth ) whiche I take to be a copulacion not a little more pleasant than the other is . Further , to the ende that ye mistake nothyng , I dooe ye to wite that Plutus begatte me not in his olde daies , whan he was blynde , and skarce able to goe for age , and goutinesse , as the poete Aristophanes descriueth hym : but in his prime yeres , whan as yet he was sounde , and full of hote bloudde , but muche fuller of Nectar drinke , whiche sittyng at bourde with the other Goddis , he had sipped than by chaunce somewhat more than enough . Nowe and if ye loke to be instructed also of my byrth place , in so muche as now a daies men thynke how the countrey where one is borne doeth not a little impo●te towardis his nobilitee , ye shall vnderstande that I was brought foorth neither in flotyng Delos , as Apollo , nor amongis the wauing seas , where Venus toke hir beginnyng , nor yet in holow rockes vnder grounde , as was the great god Iupiter , but euen amiddꝭ the Ilandꝭ , Folies byrth place . whiche of their synguler fertilitee and fruitefulnesse , are called Fortunatae , where as all thyngꝭ grow vnsowed and vntilled . In whiche iles neither labour , nor age , nor any maner sickenesse reigneth , nor in the fieldꝭ there dooe either Nettles , Thistles , Mallowes , Brambles , Cockle , or suche lyke bagage grow , Hereby is ment that those whiche ar born to moste wealth proue many times most fooles but in steede therof Gylofloures , Roses , Lilies , Basile , Uiolettꝭ , and suche swete smellyng herbes , as whilom grew in Adonis gardeins , dooe on all sides satisfie bothe the sente , and the sight . Thus borne in these delites , I beganne not my life with teares , but straightwaies smyled sweetely on my mother , an euident argument and token of good lucke as these byrthlotters saie . Further as concernyng my bringynge vp , I am not enuious that Iupiter the great god had a gote to his fostresse , Folies nourses . seyng two so pleasant Nymphes , as Dronkennes daughter vnto Bacchus , & Rudenes the daughter of Pan were my nourses . Whom ye maie se here also amongis my other women and handmaides about me . Folies hand maides . Whose names in case ye liste to know , I am verie well content to reherse theim vnto you . For this mayde truely , whom ye maie beholde with browes vpcast , lokyng euer as if she wondred at somethyng , is called Selfloue . This next hir that fareth as if she flired vpon you , and clappeth hir handis together , is Adulacion . This slouggerd , and drowsie head , is named Obliuion . This than that leaneth on hir elbowes , claspyng hir handis togethers , is called Lythernes . This besydes hir with the Rose garlande on hir head , and all to perfumed with sweete sauours , is cleped voluptuousnes . This with the rollyng and vnstedfaste eies , is Madnes . This other with the slicke skinne , and fayre fedde bodie , is called Delicacie . As for these two Goddis , whiche ye maie see also in the felowship of my other traine , the one is named Belichere , the other Soundslepe . Now if ye aske me , what stede these stande me to ? I aunsweare , that throughe the trustie ayde of such a bande as this is , I subdue all the world vnder my dominion , bearyng empire ouer emperours theim selues . Ye haue heard me thus declare vnto you my lynage , Folies diuine operacion . my educacion , and my familie . but least now I myght causelesse seme to challenge the name of a Goddesse , herken ye therfore attentiuely , with how great commoditees I endue bothe goddis and men , and how largely my power stretcheth . For and if a certaine autour wrote not muche amisse , how this was proprely the office of a God , to do benefite to mortall men : further , if suche haue woorthily ben ascribed to the senate of the gods , as were fyrst inuentours of wyne , of corne , and suche ly●e commoditees for your liuyng : why shoulde not I than rightfully be taken , and set tofore theim all , who onely am the geuer of all thyngꝭ , to all men ? For fyrst ( I axe ) what maie be sweter or more dearer vnto you , than is your life ? but the originall springe , and plantacion of the same , whom shoulde ye thanke for , but me onely ? In as muche as neither the speare of Pallas , ne yet the shielde of Iupiter called Aegis , is it , that engendreth mankynde : but the selfe Iupiter , father of the Goddis : and kynge of kyngis , who with his onely becke , can shake all heauen , must laie downe his threforked thunder , and also his grimme countinaunce , wherwith whan hym listeth he can make all the Goddis to tremble , yea and lyke a plaier must disguise hym selfe into an other personage , in case he woulde dooe the thyng , that almost he alwaies practiseth ( whiche is ) to gette children . Againe , amongis mortall men , the Stoikes , counte theim selues to be next the Goddis in perfection . Wysdome and grauitee in children gettyng serue not to purpose . But bringe me one , admitte he be foure , or fiue , or ( if you list ) six hundred tymes a Stoike , and yet must he laie downe , if not his longe berde , betokenyng wisedome , whiche natheles gotes haue also , at least ( I saie ) laie asyde his graue , and frounyng loke , he must caulme , and explane his forehead , he must caste awaie those his yron-like lessons , and preceptis of doctrine , it is I , it is I ( beleue me ) whom that wise and sage Stoike muste haue recourse vnto , in case he wolde be a father . And why shoulde I not commen more familiarly with you , accordyng to my custome ? I praie you , is it the head ? the face ? the breast ? the handes ? or the eares ? which partis of the body are named honest , that engendre gods , and men ? I trow no. Naie , it is euin that selie membre , so fonde , and foolisshe , as maie not without laughter be spoken of , whiche is the onely planter of mankynde . That , is the onely fountaine , whens all thynges receiue life , a great deale sooner than from Pythagoras quaternion . As concernyng the vse wherof , who is he ( suppose ye ) woulde take in his mouthe the snaffle of wedlocke , Mariage , to procede of Folie . if ( accordyng as these wisemen are wonte to dooe ) he shoulde fyrste caste and recken with hym selfe ●he discommoditees of that trade of life ? Or what woman wolde yelde vnto a man , if she either knew , or thought vpon the perillous throwes of childbearyng , or trauaile of their bringyng vp ? That and if ye owe your liues to wedlocke , and wedlocke ye owe to my damoisell Madnes , now ye maie soone gesse , what ye owe , and shoulde referre to me . Than , who is she , that after one assaie , woulde eftesoones venter childebearyng , ●e were it not throughe the encouragement of Obliuion . No not Venus hir selfe ( what euer Lucretius writeth ) will denie , but that hir might in engendrure remaigueth voyde , and of small effect , without th accesse of mine ayde . So that to conclude , I saie how of this my dronken and ridiculous game , are procreate ( omittyng vulgare folke ) bothe graue philosophers , whom suche succede now , as ye call monkis , and purpre princis , and holy priestis , and thrise holy bishoppes , at ones , all the whole route of the Poeticall Gods , so swarmyng , as skarce all heauen is able to conteine them , be it neuer so large of roume . Folie grounde of the commoditees of mans life . But take it hardly for nothyng that ye owe thus vnto me the verie fountaine , and springe of your lyfe , in case what euer other commoditees ye haue therin , I dooe not proue theim also to procede of my goodnesse . For as touchyng this life here , maie it woorthily be called a life ( I praie you ) if ye take pleasure and delight awaie ? dooe you nodde vpon me ? well saied : I wyst there was none of you all so wyse , or rather so foolysshe , naie wyse sooner , as wolde be of any other opinion . How be it , euen these sage Stoikes dooe not in deede , so greatly despise pleasure , as outwardly thei dissemble , and afore folkis doe baite hir with a thousande repreues , to none other entent ( I warrante you ) saue that whan others are rated therfro , thei than maie more at libertee enioie hir , But I wolde thei shulde tell me , what any part of this life there is , not heauie , not vnpleasant , not vrkesome , not vnsauourie , vnles ye put Pleasure , that is to saie , the Saulce of Folie vnto it ? for proufe wherof as I could alleage the sufficient auctoritee of Sophocles , whose noble sentence in my fauour , is neuer enough praised , where he saieth , that In knowyng least , the blisfulst lyfe is ledde . So I am content yet for your better instruction , to disclose euery thyng more particularly vnto you .

And fyrst , Infancie , foolisshe . who is he but will confesse Childhode , the fyrst age of man , to be most gracious and acceptable vnto all folkis ? for els , what is it in younge babes that we dooe kysse so , we doe colle so , we dooe cherisshe so , that a verie enemie is moued to spare and succour this age , vnles it be the allurement of Folie ? whiche , natures circumspection , euin purposedly , hath adioigned to children , to the ende that with some reputacion of pleasure , thei might supple the trauaile of theyr bringers vp , and prouoke the beneuolence of suche as tende vnto theim . The next age than that succedeth hereto , I meane Youthe , Youthe . how acceptable ( I praie you ) is it to all folkis ? how is eche enelined to it ? how willyngly dooeth euery wight set it forwarde ? how diligently dooe all men put to theyr healpyng handis : And wherof ( trow ye ) procedeth this grace of Youthe , but of me onely ? through whose benefite , a younge man knoweth least , and therfore taketh least thought . Take me for a lier , vnles as soone as be waxeth elder , beginnyng throughe experience and disciplines to sauour of Manhode , than in continent the floure of his beautie decaieth , his myrth fadethe , his grace waxeth colde , his strength diminissheth , so that the farther , and farther he is retired from me , the lesse , and lesse he liueth , vntill at last , tedious olde age dooe crepe vpon hym , not onely vrkesome to others , but hatefull also to him selfe : whiche Olde age ( on my conscience ) no mortall man wold endure to byde out , if I againe takyng compassion at theyr so great labours and encombrances , did not somwhat releue the same . That like as these goodis of the poetes , are wont with some transformacion or likenesse tournyng , to succour men readie to perisshe , so I also ( that in me lyeth ) dooe reuoke suche aged men as are at deathes dore , and next the pitte , backe againe vnto childhode ? Wherupon , not causeles , folkis call theim twyse children . Returne of olde age to Childhode . Now and if some woulde aske me how I dooe transforme theim so , I will not hyde so muche as that from you . For I bringe them to the fountaine of my mayden Obliuion , called Lethes , whiche springeth in the Isles fortunate ( for as for the other that renneth through the fieldes Elisiꝭ , is but a small branche of this former ) to the ende that as soone as they there haue dronken longe forgetfulnesse of thingꝭ passed , thei maie , by little and little , wasshyng awaie all the troubles and carefulnesses of the mynde , become chilhisshe agayne . But some perhaps will obiecte to me , and saie , that suche olde men dooe dote now , and are paste theyr wittis . Yea , be as be maie , yet this is euin the plaine recourse vnto childbode . For is the same ought els ( suppose you ) than dotage , or ignorance ? is it ought els in children that deliteth you , than their indiscrecion ? For who is he that wolde not eschew , and abhorre , no lesse then a monster , a child being endued with manlyke reason and capacitee ? Wherunto accordeth this common prouerbe , I hate the childe , whose witte ripeneth before the tyme . Or who wold gladly susteine to haunt , or kepe company with that olde man , who vnto his so longe practise , and experience in thyngꝭ , had added also lyke quicknesse of the mynde , and lyke sharpnesse of discourse ? Conclude therfore , that old age doteth thorough my benefite , and yet ye see howe these my good dotardꝭ , shall in the meane whyle rest vacant and discharged of all suche cares and anxieties , wherwith wisemen of fressher sprites are wrongen continually , & in the meane whyle become cherisshers eche of other , Dotage in elde men . by neyghbourly gossippyng togethers , and table plaie , felyng no maner tediousnesse of this life , whiche skarce a liuelier age suffreth , yea and sometyme learne againe to spell a , m , o , as the olde man of Plautus dooeth , most wretched , in case one yntch of sound witte remained in theim , and yet through my procurement , moste happy , beyng also deare , and welcome to theyr friendis , amongis other respectis , for this , that commonly they are verie pleasant in company , and merily bespoken . For in Homer ye maie reade , howe out of Nestors mouthe there flowed woordes sweeter than honie , wheras Achilles langage byted bitter . In Homer also , olde men leaning ouer Troie walles put foorthe a swetedelyuerid voyce . As to whiche regarde , theirs maie be preferred before the verie grace of infancie , whiche sure is muche gracious , but yet partly disgraced , when it lacketh speache , and chattyng , that are euin the chiefest recreacions of mans life . Adde hereto , that olde age ioyeth muche in children , and children lykewyse will euer bee about oldefolkꝭ . Suche is nature , in couplyng lyke , and lyke together , for what other thing is there vnlike betwix them ? saue that Elde , is fuller of wrincles , and noumbreth more yeeres ? Els , Olde men like children . their white heares , their totheles iawes , lesse proporcion of theyr bodies , mylklongyng , fumblyng in the mouthe , chattyng , fondnesse , forgetfulnesse , rechelousnesse , for briefe , all other condicions be of one degree , so that the nearer men aproche to olde age , the nearer retourne thei to the forme of childhode , till at laste , euin lyke children , no tediousnesse of life , nor sence of death felt , they depart out of this worlde . Can any of you compare now the other goddis transformacions , with this of myne ? who what thei dooe i● waie of displeasure , me listeth not to reherse : But whom they moste fauour , and are pleased with , them ( trow I ) thei are wont to chaunge into trees , into foules , into grashoppers , ye or sometyme into serpentis , as if it were not a certaine kynde of perisshyng to be altered so into a new lykenesse : wheras I reduce the selfe same man , to the best , and most pleasaunt parte of all his lyfe . That and if men had the grace to forbeare quite from medlyng with wisedome , leadyng foorth all theyr lyfe in my seruice , now ( I wene ) there shoulde be no olde age at all , but rather they shoulde enioie a moste happie , and continuall youthe . Study and businesse hast forwarde age . For see you not ( I praie you ) how these wysemen , who are geuen to philosophie , or some suche ernest and graue studie , dooe for the most parte waxe hore , before they be fully yonge men ? whiche vndoubtedly cometh of cares , and incessant sharpe trauailyng of the braine , by little and little sokyng vp the liuely iuyce of the sprites : wheras my fooles on the other side , be slicke , and smothe skinned , yea and well trussed together , lyke hoglyngꝭ of Acarnania : suche as neuer shoulde fele ( I warrant you ) any discommoditee of age , ne were it not that sometyme by chaunce , thei●e infected with the contagious company of wysemen . Suche is the lotte of mans life , suffryng nothyng on all partis to be blisfull . And here I maie bringe in the approued auctoritee of the prouerbe , whiche affirmeth Folie to be the onely lynke , that staieth fletyng youthe , and kepeth of combrous age . Lyke as not causeles men saie by the Brabanters , that wheras yeres make other people the wyser , they , the lenger thei lyue , are rooted the deper in folie . Yet for all that , where fynde you any nacion more iocunde , or meter for the commen trade of liuing , or that lesse feleth ages weight , than this dooeth ? To whom as in countrey , so also in maners are my Hollanders next neighbours . For why shoulde I sticke to call them myne ? Seeyng thei take my parte so ernestly , as therby thei haue gotten theim my name for an addicion , so little wherof thei ar ashamed , as they passe not to boste theim selues in it . Let theim that will now goe , Folie the pror●ger and delaie of age . and seke out , Medea , Circes , Venus , Aurora , or I wote neuer what maner fountaine , to haue theyr youthe restored , wheras I onely am she that maie , and vse to dooe it . It is I that haue that meruailous iuyce , wherewith Memnous daughter proroged the youthe of hir graundsire Tithonus . I am that Venus , through whose fauour Phaon waxed yonge againe , whom therfore Sappho so much loued . Mine be those herbes , if any suche be , and mine be those charmes , and myne is that fountaine , that not onely calle youthe backe againe , ones beyng vanisshed , but also ( whiche is more desyrable ) dooeth conserue it euerlastyng . That and if ye all dooe subscribe to this opinion , how nothyng is more pleasaunt than youthe , and nothing more cumbresome than age , now ( I trow ) ye perceiue how muche ye are beholdyng to me , seeyng I vpholde to you so great a weale , so great an euill excluded . But what speake I yet of mortall men ? serche ye ( hardly ) all heauen , and who that list than scorne be my name , in case he finde any of the goddis not crabbed , and dispisable , vnles my influence dooe commend hym . For why is my cosyn Bacchus euer lyke a striplyng , and fayre busshed ? Folie commaundeth the Gods also . Forsouth because like a witles and dronken compaignion , passyng his time in bankettꝭ , daunces , and places , he hath neuer thus muche to doe with Pallas goddesse of wysedome . Finally , so little sette●o he to be holden wyse , as the obseruaunce that he requireth at mens handis is naught but maygames , shrouyngꝭ , and suche lyke fantsies . Neither is he offended with the prouerbe , callyng hym a foole , as , Foolissher than Morychus . For thei call hym Morychus because vplandisshe hobbes in sport are wont at bringyng home of haruest , to besmere his image sette before temple dores , with muste , & grene fygges . And ( lord ) with what iestes the writers of the olde Comedies doe taunt hym ? O fonde God ( saie thei ) and woorthy who shoulde issue out of the grine of Iupiter : Yet who woulde not rather chose , if choise were offred , to bee suche a foole , and popie as he is , beyng euer merie conceited , euer younglyke , euer prouokyng men to laughter with his sporte and pleasantnesse , than Iupiter hym selfe , withall his depe dissembled chere , lokyng so sternly , as geueth terrour to the goddis also ? Or Pan , who with his sodaine fraimentꝭ and tumultꝭ , bringeth age ouer all thyngꝭ ? Or Vulcanus the lymphault smithe , full of smoke and embres , euer filthie with the toyle that he endureth in his forge ? Orels Pallas my great aduersarie , beyng so muche redoubted because she beareth speare , and shielde : who euer sheweth a payre of skoulyng eies ? But why ( I praie you ) is Cupide alwaies lyke a yonge boie ? why ? but that he is a trifler , neither doyng , nor thynkyng any wyse acte , I warrant you . Why hath Venus also hir beautie euer alyke flourisshyng ? why ? but that she is sybbe vnto me ? euin as hir visage resembleth my fathers colour , for Homer nameth hir golden Aphroditis . So , she is euer smilyng , if we credite the poetis , or theyr counterfaitours the peinters . Moreouer , what god head didde the Romaines woorship euer more religiously , than that of Flora the mother of all pleasures and solasses ? How be it on the othersyde , who so woulde narowlier serche , and consider the maner of liuyng , euin of those sowre and glommyng gods , either out of Homer , or other poetis , he shuld finde them ( no faile ) as foolishe , and dissolute , as these . For what nedeth me to allege meaner Goddis Folies ? whan all ye haue at your fingers endꝭ , howe great a louer thundring Iupiter is ? Also how graue Dame Diane forgettyng womanhode , dooeth naught but hounte all daie longe , visityng by startꝭ yet hir sweete herte Endymion ? But as for me , I had leuer thei shoulde heare theyr faultis tolde theim of Momus the god of Rephrehension , at whose handis so many tymes thei haue ben taunted . Sauyng , that not longe agone thei threw downe him and Atis , headlong togethers to the earth , because that euer with his wyse sawes and admonicions he semed out of season to farre against their felicitee . Poore Momus therefore wandreth aboute lyke a vacabound , in as muche as no mortall man will gladly vouchesaue hym herbourough , for feare of Iupiters displeasure , muche lesse that he can be receiued into princis courtes , Flatery familier in princis courtes . for there my Adulacion beareth the swinge , who agreeth no more with Momus , than lambes dooe with the woulfe . So that synce he is ones remoued , the goddis aboue maie now muche franklier , and at more libertee plaie theyr pageauntꝭ , leadyng foorth an easie lyfe ( as Homer saieth ) wheras no countroller dare call theim to accoumpte . For ( Lorde ) the sporte that Priapus the great tooled god maketh them ? what pastyme haue thei at Mercurius , with his theft , and iuggling . Not so muche as Vulcane , but whan the gods are sette at bankette , he plaieth the iester , now with his lymphaultyng , nowe with his skoffyng , and nowe with his ouerthwarte woordis , to prouoke theim all to laughter . Than cometh Silenus that horeheadded louer , treadyng the hornepipe , with Poliphemus boisteously stampyng , and the Nymphes trippyng bare-footed , The Satyres halfe gotes dauncyng the Antikes , And Pan with his oten flute singyng some rurall songe , doeth wonderously delite them , as whom , at that time , they had rather heare , than the Muses theim selues : chiefely , whan thei beginne to be throughly chafed with theyr Nectar drinke but what shuld I tell you of that the goddis doe after suche compotacions ? thyngꝭ so foolisshe , as I my selfe can scant refreine from laughter . It is best therfore that herein I remembre Harpocrares for his silence , lest some euisdropper god , doe herken me blabbyng foorth suche thyngꝭ of theim , as not Momus hym selfe spake euer vnpunisshed . So now it is tyme , that ( folowyng Homers example ) I leaue the goddis aboue , and make returne to the earth , to discusse , how nothyng here is either gladsome , or desirable , Foly naturall to man kynde . vnlesse the same begin at me . For fyrst , ye se with how great prouidence , Nature the foundresse of mankynde hath forcast , that no where , in any part of mans lyfe the saulce of Folie shulde be wanted . For if wisedome , accordyng to the Stoikes diffinicion , is naught els , than to be ruled by reason : and folie , to be ledde as affection will . Consider now ( I praie you ) how muche more Affection , than Reason , Iupiter hath put in men , to the ende theyr lyfe shulde not altogethers be heauy , and vnpleasant . As if ye shoulde compare an ounce to a pounde . Furthermore , he shutte vp Reason within the narowe compasse of mans head , leauyng all the rest of the bodie to affections : settyng also , two most violent tyrannes against hir , that is to saie , Anger , raignyng in the fortresse of the hert : and concupiscence , whiche euin to the lowest part of the bealy , dooeth occupie a large possession . Against these two so stronge champions , how muche Reason maie resiste , the commen trade of mens lyues declareth sufficiently . That wheras Reason , as muche as lieth in hir , dooeth crie against them , ●uin till she be hoarse , alleageyng what honestie will , & requireth , yet daigne not thei to obey , but muche more furiously done repyne at hir , till at last she also , beyng weried , is faine to yelde for vanquisshed . But in so muche as to man , borne to gouerne , and rule , Iupiter thought it meate to distribute Reason somewhat in a larger assise , to the ende yet he myght partly alaie the excesse , he called me ( as he is wont ) amongis the other goddis to counsaile : Iupiter called Folie to counsail . and by and by I gaue hym aduise lyke my selfe , that a woman shoulde be associate vnto hym . Folie of women . A creature ( god knoweth ) bothe foolisshe , and vnwittie , but natheles pleasaunt , and gracious . To the ende that throughe daiely company , and dwellyng together , she with hir Folie myght relesse , and make doulcet the sadnesse of mans courage . For where Plato semeth to doubte , whether he shoulde putte a woman amongis reasonable , or vnreasonable creatures , it was no more , but to shew and expresse the notable Folie of that sexe : So that if any woman studieth to be counted wyse , she dooeth naught els but labour to be twyse foolishe , as if ye wold force a cowe against hir nature to scape through a hoope . For the fault is doubled , whan so euer one against kind , woulde counterfaite a glosse of vertue , to writhe the mynde otherwyse than of nature it plieth . Accordyng as the greke prouerbe saieth , An ape , is an ape , be she clothed in purpre , so a woman is a woman ( that is to saie ) a foole , what so euer parte she plaie . Yet I thinke not that women are so verie fooles , to be angrie with me herefore , What commoditees women haue by Folie , that I beyng Folie hir selfe , and a woman also , doe arrect Folie vnto theim . For and if they waie all thyngꝭ indifferently , they shall soone perceiue , how muche I am to be thanked , that for many respectis thei are farre happier , than men be . Fyrst , for theyr beauties sake , beautie ( I saie ) whiche not without good cause is had in so great price by theim , as vnder whose shielde and protection , they doe exercise tyrannie , yea ouer tyrannes theim selfꝭ . For els , whence cometh to men that sternes of their visages , roughnesse of skinne , and thickenesse of theyr beardes , beyng a verie representacion of oldnesse , sauyng of the excesse , or rather disease of wisedome ? wheras women with their smoth chekes , small voices , and fiue skinnes , dooe euer shew a certaine youthlikenesse . Againe , what is it in this life that women sooner coueite , than to be belyked of men ? Tende not ( trow ye ) to this effect , so many their attyres ? so many peinctyngꝭ , so many bathyngꝭ ? so many heare curlyngꝭ , so many glisshes ? so many perfumes ? so many waies of nyce simpring , nycer smilyng , nycest goyng , be it but on an yntch of lether , and all to sette theim selfes foorth to the shewe ? Further , what greatter priuilege haue women ouer men , than their foolisshenesse ? For what is it , that men permitte not as leafull , or at least to be borne with , in women ? but vnder what other title , than of delectacion ? But how dooe they delite men , sauyng with their Folie ? This to be true , can not be denied , who so will consider with hym selfe , what fonde talke and deuises , a man is faine to fynde out , as often as he entendeth to take fruicion and pleasure of a woman . And thus I haue declared you from what springe the first and chiefest recreacion of this your life is deriued . Foly of fea ●●les and bankettes . But yet some persons there be , namely olde men , rather good maltwormes , than women haunters , who contrarie to my supposicion will putte theyr greatest felicitee in tipling , and good fate . As touchyng whiche poincte , I referre it to others iudgement if any feast or banket be made in the right kynde , vnles women are at the same . But of this I am sure , how without the sauice of Folie , no banket can be to the somme . In sort that there want one , who with his owne , or counterfaite Folie , maie sturre the gestis to laughter , than straight is some iester , or other madde knaue sent for , with his bald and foolisshe skoffes , to put awaie the sadde stylnesse of the feast . For els , what booted so many ionkettꝭ , sweete meates , and daintries to balace the belie withal , vnles the eies , the eares , and the whole mind , were also fedde with laughter , sporte , and merie conceites ? But of all suche knackes I am the onely deuisour , like as this , that now is solemnely taken vp at bankettes , to chose a kynge by lottes , to plaie at tables , to bringe good lucke , to quasse about the bourde , to synge carosses ; with suche like obseruances , was neuer ordeigned by the seuin sages of Grece , but throughe myne inuencion , for the conseruacion , and auaile of mankynde . Yet marke you the nature of all suche deuises , and ye shall see , that the more folie they smell of , the more they dooe profite the life of mortall men . Whiche life , in case it be ouerwaied with sadnesse , than sure it scantly deserueth the name of lyfe . And sadde must it nedes be , vules with some kynde of pastyme ye wype awaie tediousnesse , nexte cosyn to the other . Folie an●our of friendship ; Now some perchaunce there are , who little will esteeme this kynde of pleasure also , but rather rest wholy on the league and acquaiutance of one frend with an other . Affirmyng friendship to be the onely thyng , whiche shoulde be sought and embraced before all the other commodities of your lyfe , beyng ( saie they ) so necessarie , and behouablr , as neither ayre , not fyre , nor water maie be more requisite vnto men● and therto so appropriately annexed , as the sonnes heate maie as soone as friendship be spared amongis you : and besydes this so honest a thynge ( if honestie as you thinke make ought to purpose ) as not the philosophers theim selues dooe sticke to put friendship euin amongis the chiefest weales of this lyfe . But what will ye saie now , if I can proue my selfe to be bothe croppe , & roote , of this so great a benefite ? Proue it to you ( I saie ) neither with Barbara , nor Celerent , nor any suche Dialectical quaynt subtiltes , but euiu of the plainest and bluntest facion , poyncte you to it , as it were with my finger ? Fyrst therfore whan you see a man flatter , dissemble , or wynke at his friendis faultis , yea , and sometyme owe fauour , or rather wonder at some great vices of his , takyng theim for vertues : doe you not count hym ( I praie you ) next sybbe to a foole ?