Satyres: and satyricall epigrams with certaine obseruations at Black-Fryers? By H:F: of Lincolnes-Inne gent Fitzgeffrey, Henry. This text is an enriched version of the TCP digital transcription A00826 of text S113885 in the English Short Title Catalog (STC 10945). Textual changes and metadata enrichments aim at making the text more computationally tractable, easier to read, and suitable for network-based collaborative curation by amateur and professional end users from many walks of life. The text has been tokenized and linguistically annotated with MorphAdorner. The annotation includes standard spellings that support the display of a text in a standardized format that preserves archaic forms ('loveth', 'seekest'). Textual changes aim at restoring the text the author or stationer meant to publish. This text has not been fully proofread Approx. 93 KB of XML-encoded text transcribed from 55 1-bit group-IV TIFF page images. EarlyPrint Project Evanston,IL, Notre Dame, IN, St. Louis, MO 2018 A00826 STC 10945 ESTC S113885 99849114 99849114 14249 2240872444

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Early English books online. (EEBO-TCP ; phase 1, no. A00826) Transcribed from: (Early English Books Online ; image set 14249) Images scanned from microfilm: (Early English books, 1475-1640 ; 709:04) Satyres: and satyricall epigrams with certaine obseruations at Black-Fryers? By H:F: of Lincolnes-Inne gent Fitzgeffrey, Henry. [110] p. Printed by Edw[ard]: All-de, for Miles Patrich, and are to be sold at his shop neare S. Dnnstons-Church [sic] in Fleet-street, London : 1617. H:F: = Henry Fitzgeffrey. In three books, each with separate title page; register continuous. Errata on G7r, final printed leaf. Signatures: A-G (-A1, blank?). Reproduction of the original in the British Library. eng Epigrams, English -- 17th century. eebo Satyres: and satyricall epigrams: with certaine obseruations at Black-Fryers? By H:F: of Lincolnes-Inne gent: Fitzgeffrey, Henry 1617 110 13293 207 0 0 0 0 0 155.72 F The rate of 155.72 defects per 10,000 words puts this text in the F category of texts with 100 or more defects per 10,000 words. 2006-12 Assigned for keying and markup 2006-12 Keyed and coded from ProQuest page images 2008-10 Sampled and proofread 2008-10 Text and markup reviewed and edited 2009-02 Batch review (QC) and XML conversion

SATYRES : AND SATYRICALL EPIGRAM'S : With Certaine Obseruations at Black-Fryers ? By H : F : Of LINCOLNES-INNE Gent:

Horat: Serm: Lib. 1. — Nil mî officit vnquam Ditior hic aut est quia Doctior : est Locus vnicuique suus : — It neuer vexeth me a whit That this man hath more welth or wit : Euery one hath where he may sit .

LONDON Printed by Edw: All-de , for Miles Patrich , and are to be sold at his shop neare St. Dnnstons-Church in Fleet-street . 1617.

The Author in praise of his owne BOOKE . COmmend my Selfe ? No! But my Booke I may ! And boldly ( blamelesse ) 't is Praise-worthy fay . How so ? The sencelesse Substance well may plead My Selfe I was not , when the Booke I made .
Of his deare Friend the Author , H. F. OF what is heere thou 'lt not haue any write Prayses : that willing , would : and iustly might , Permit me then ! For I le Praise what I see Deficient heere ( thy name FITZ-IEOFFERY , ) Where English FITZ aright , and I ha' done So rightly art thou called IEOFFERYES-Sonne . Then adde time Age but to thy industry , In thee againe will liue Old-IEOFFERY . NATH: GVRLYN .
The Author's Answer . OF what is Heere I forbid any Write Praises . Why ? Nothing Heere can merite it : Yet I le Permit thee . Thou l't but Praise my Name . And that 's Deficient . Then Praise not for shame Where do ( FITZ ) right : Write , place it to ● minde : Stil rightly must ( FITZ ) IEOFFERYES come behind wrought : French must turne English first , ( strange wonders ) ( Olde ) be a new Borne : The ( Sonne ) brought to nought .
HORAT: De Arte Poeti . NVnc satis est dixisse , Ego mira poemata pango : Occupet extremum scabies !

Anglicè sic

NOw 't is inough to speake , I wondrous Poemes make : Then , Diuell the hindmost take .
Satyra prima .
LIB: 1. Who 'd not at venture Write ? So many waies A man may proue a Poet now a daies ? Does Nature witt afford to breake a Iest ? This is a Poet : and his friends protest He is to blame he Writes not : when ( indeed , ) Th' Illiterate Gull can neither write nor read . Let Nature faile ! Takes he but so much Paine , To write obscurely : adding so much Braine . As end his crabbed sencelesse verse in Rime : This might a Poet beene in Perseus time . And more ! ( Though Horace in his book reherses ) ( Nature and Arte are both requir'd in Verses . ) There are those , of their Poetry will vaunt , Which do ( God wote ) both Wit & Learning want : I know them ! Such as they at Table sit Each Iest you speake , will to a Metre fit . And thus your Witt 's sell for their priuate gaine And bee accouted Poets for their paine . Others there are , that Others workes suruay , And must from all thinges some thing filtch away . Who if to weaker Braines they can vnfolde A Learned Author : nick a Phrase that s olde : Or change but one word in a line or two : Straight all 's their owne , they write , who doubts it so ? When I wood scarce beleeu 't , though they , in fine , To euery Verse subscribe : By Ioue 't is mine . Nor is 't inough they this in priuate show , But these are Poets , all the world must know . 'T is strange to see what stretching is of Wit● , What spare of speech this plentious Presse begets . Some ( if you keepe them company ) you 'l finde As choise to breake a Iest as to bteake winde . And what 's the reason thinke ye ? Onely this : All they can speak's too little for the Presse . Where 't is not losse of Friend , Life , Libertie , Shall cause them keepe a Iest in secrecy . Others haue helpes : when their Inuention faile , Straight they begin abusiuely to raile . Then out comes Whelps of the olde Dog : for sport : Shall barke at Great ones : bite the meanet sort : When the On-setters ( after all their paine : For feare , woo'd gladly call them in againe . And these will Poets bee accounted too : Because they Dare doe more then others doe . Though they their Verses write , ( a man may say : ) As Clown's get Bastards , and straight runne away . Montanus needes will bee a Poet ! why ? Because the Muses on a Mountaine hy Inhabited . Peto for that his Name Denotes him Poet in the Anagrame : And Quaint Castilio : ( since his Father dy'd ! ) Who many Volumes publish't : and beside Diuers neglected , Left vnto his Son : Which dubbes him Poet , by praescription . True ! And Castilio will approued bee , Or he will Print his Fathers Legacy . And marke Crisippo , but what shifts he 'l finde , Ere he 'l bee counted once to come behinde , In euery Booke he will bespeake afore : The comming out , roome for halfe a score Or a dozen Verses , which he 'l hugely puffe With commendations of the Authors stuffe . And in Hyperbolyes his Name extoll Yond Homer , Virgill , Ouide , Iuuenall . Vouching no better Volume , ere was Writ , And that himselfe hath had a Hand in it . Oh this vaine - Praise-Affecting Poetry Is a bewitching-itching Leoprosie : That makes men Rub , scrub , rouz and touz their Braine , Pump their Pates dry for Iests : and all to gaine So much Report : might serue to make them vaunt , They are Applauded ( though of Ignorant . ) They 'l snatch , and scratch , and scrape ( though nere so ill ) And rather smart then holde their fingers still : Be there a Citty show : or sight at Court : Of Acts Heroicke : or of Princely sport : ●which right to write of , or in Type to tell : Might taxe a Daniels or a Spencers quill . ) Marke how these hungerbit Inuentions scud To eye ! to spy ! All for no other good Then onely this ! poore this ! But to obtaine : ●ome fodder for their needy greedy straine . See then how ( Enuy ) gin's her eyes to ●at On dainties plenty , and repines thereat : How muttering Momus ( that knowes not to bite , ) Grumbles and mumbles mouthfuls out of spite . How currish ( Critticks ) most seuerely harke : Ready at each sound of applause to barke . How all together , and how each a part Stretch , retch , faine , strain , Inuention , Iudgement Art , Raile , Lybell : what not ? Rather then labour loose Iest on your Gesture : or be-lye your cloathes . A subiect fitter for a Beadles fist Then the tart lines of a smart Satyrist . Let Natures causes ( which are too profound For euery blockish sottish Pate to sound . ) Produce some monster : some rare spectacle : Some seauen yeares Wonder : Ages miracle : Bee it a worke of nere so sleight a waight , It is recorded vp in Metre straight , And counted purchase of no small renowne , To heare the Praise sung in a Market-towne . How many Volumes lye neglected thrust In euery Bench-hole ? euery heape of dust ? Which from some Gowries practise , Powder plot , Or Tiburne Lectur's , all their substance got : Yet to●se our Time-stalles you ll admire the rout Of carelesse fearelesse Pamphlets flye about . Bookes , made of Ballades : Workes : of Playes , Sightes , to be Read : of my Lo: Maiors day 's : Post's , lately set forth : Bearing ( their Backe at ) Letters , of all sorts : An intollerable Packet . Villains discouery , by Lanthorn and Candle-light : ( strange if the author should not see it to handle right ) A Quest of Inquirie : ( Iacke a Douer's ) The Iests of Scoggin : and diuers others ( which no man Better the Stationer knowes ) Wonderfull Writers ; Poets in Prose . What poste pin'd Poets that on each base Theame , With Inuocations vexe Apollo's name . Springes for Woodcockes : Doctor Merriman : Rub and a good Cast : Taylor the Ferriman . Fennor , with his Vnisounding E'are word ; The vnreasonable Epigramatist of Hereford : Rowland with his Knaues a murninall ; No● worth the calling for , a sire burne em all : And number numberlesse that march ( vutolde ) Mongst Almanacks and Pippins , to be solde .
Apologie . THese Ill which berter Dare than know to wrig Makes those ( I know ) not dare w● better mig● For who is t now attempts to Print , but knowes , He must be one or censured on , of Those ! For my part ( Gallants ) it was nere my hap , On high Pernassus Top , to take a nap : Or the Diuine Nine sisters Fount to see : Whence I might steale a sip of Poetry . These Idle Verses ( which I Idle made ) None but the Idle I request to read : Then what Applause looke I for , all may guesse , When none may looke for Praise from Idlenes . Finis Saty : Primae .
Satyra Secunda . A MORALL SATYRE .

Sunt Videntur . Q Vidam & non Videntur Sunt

A Morall Satyre .
Proaemium . I Taxe no Times , I beare no Furyes scourge : I bring no powerfull Fountaine springes to purge This vicefull Lerna , this Augean stye , From long neglected noysome filthery . Vaunt Varlots then : Grizely Tartarian curres : Vice-Pack-horses : Swaines of inchanting pleasures : Wallow in Lake of Leaudnesse : racket : yell And all the world with thundring vproare fill , Till angry Ioue his Chaos drench agen And a new nature of milde molde begin . Yet knowe ( Earths Of-scums ) I haue force , and woo'd Vncase , vnlase , your Leaudnes : make ye scud : Lash at Lines length : and instrike such a print , Shu'd make ye startle , had ye hartes of flint , Coo'd I finde Patrons to maintaine me in 't .
Satyra . BVt range my Muse ! find out some fresher Game , Some Mayden matter , some vnchased Theam● . Beat through the throwes of these disordered times . The thorny thickets of contagious crimes , And rouz from squat , pursue with aeger cry , The lurking Leaudnesse , strong scent villany , Of those close Foxes , who ( in milder skins ) Inuey , and guesse inuectiuely at Sinnes : Bite with sharpe censure : and seuerely scan The inward Vertues , by the outward man . Beshrow mee ( Sirs ) if I dare strout in ●treet , Winke at a Window : A God-dam-me greet : Vsher a Lady : but salute her Gloue : Or Kisse a Maide for manners more then Loue : Cringe to a S●riuener : be conuersing seene In Ludgate , with a broken Citizen : Turne oft in Pauls : call for a stoole o' th Stage : Or walke atended with my Hackney Page : Pace Turnball , Shorditch , Long-lane : or Pickt-hatch , Least I be taken by this heedfull watch . These pickthanke Pesants ; that with Lynceus eye , Inspect mans Actions too Iniuriously . First to yon Masse of man : yon loade of Guts , That all he handles in his belly puts : Who euery meales meate makes a Massecry , Of Shambles , Poultry , Sea variety . How on the Table he his Panch doth rest , And stuffes it as a Wallet of the best ▪ Yet close his Buttockes rammes vp as in Pound For feare o' th worst , to'th' good-behauiour bound . Snorts at mid-day : yet startles at the sturre , Of a betraying Boote , or tel-tale Spurre : Cryes out of Fashions , as of Fasting-dayes , Rebukes Excesse : gainst Vanityes inueyes : Hates Vice as Hunger : and abhorres to stand In sight of a ( Sir reuerence ) Saffron-band . Tell him his Worship is so strictly wise : His closest Trounces , full as full of vice . As wide from Vertues meane as Largest size . Next to yon Prester Iohn , that Learned Clarke : Who after all my closest acts doth harke . A man , that for a Wise one sure woo'd passe , Shu'd there but 6. Bee , as there 7. was : Hee heretofore ( out of his Loue exceeding ) Woo'd euer bee examining my Reading : Now ( more Officious ) euer Checking is : A strickt Remembrancer of all amisse . Bid him bee lesse in Office : more in Loue : Least he ere long Iacke out of Office proue . Laugh , Laugh , Demorritus ! who can hold to hear● Socraticke Doctors , Catoes most austeer . Roule vp the Records of Antiquity , To frame Abridgements for youth's Liberty . Accuse Wits folly . Times strange alterations : The vaine expence of cloth consuming fashions , When their allowance was ( themselues can tell ) At least vnto a Codpisse halfe an Ell. Lend me Athenian but a while thy light : To scowre the scoutes , the Lurking holes of Spite , And execrable Enuy : see the rout Of Rascals : venome Vermin , I 'le finde out : Cankermouth'd Catchpoles , that in Ambush lye , To wreck , to seck Vertues aeternitie : With poysnous blast of miscreant Infamy . ( Iustmian ) is too Fortunate to beare The name of Iust : ( Flora ) too Curtious farre To harbour Honesty : ( Varro ) held to bee Vaine , for his skilfull vaine in Poetry . ( Fantasticke ) cannot with his Flaunders feete Lock'd in his foure-wheele-casket vex the street : Knocke in a Tauerne , but his Father heares , Some 20 Leagues off . Luxurio feares Retaine a seruant fairer then his wife : Nor will Lorella in despaire of Life Tell of her side-stitch or the Belly-ake , Least she bee said Lucinas ayde to lacke . Who is from scourge of Censure can scape free , Yea ( Temperate Nature ) men will jerke at thee ! How suffer some but for a Sanguin Nose ? A Scarlet scone ? when each Logitian knowes 'T is Vertues colour . How enuy some at● A Stirrill Chin ? Or a top naked Pate ? Emblem of Truth , and Graces . What reproofe Goes with a Limping Leg ? Or Vulcan Hoofe ? Yea some so farre presume , as to define Knaues , by their Bunch-back's , and their Goggle-eyne When Accidents ( affirmes the Stagerite ) Not Naturall cause no note but in Spirit . Peace then Melampus , peace Albertus , Cocles : Ptoloemie , Rafis , and Auerroes . Gallon , Palemon : hence be silent all , Or proue the cunning Huperphisicall . And all lesse learn'd in Rules of Phisnomy : That Natures notes , holde markes of Infamy . Else ( mincing Madam's ) why doe we ( alas ! ) Pine at your Pencill and conspiring Glasse ? Your Curles , Purles , Perriwigs , your Whal eb on● wheels ▪ That shelter all defects from head to heeles . Making but Good what these count Vicious : Yet not iniustly termed odious . To strout in Purple or rich Scarlet dye With siluer barres begarded thriftily : To set in print the Haire : Character the Face : Or dye in graine the Ruffe for Visage grace . To clog the Eare with plummets : clag the wrests With Busk-points , Ribbons , or Rebato-Twists : From Barbors tyranny to saue a locke , His Mistris wanton fingers to prouoke : Such Trifles , Toyes : in these sharpe Crittitks view , Throwes vs in number of the damued Crue . As if a Frounced , pounced , Pate coo'd not , As much Braine couer , as a Stoike cut . Or practicke Vertue , might not lodge as soone Vnder a Silken , as a Cynicke gowne . Fond fond Philosophers : who e're definde Vertue a Habite of the Cloathes but minde ? Tell me ( precisely ) what auailes it ware , A Bongraco Bonnet , Eye-brow shorter Haire ? A Circumcized Ruffe ? Conuerting Eye ? 〈◊〉 Sadnesse ? Yes Indeed ? Yea Verily ? To beare a Bible euery Edifying day Of an Armefull , ( beside the Apochriphay ? ) To carry no more cloath then skin : to sho● The Stockens worne at Knees , the Shooes at Toe ? If thou but nod at Fryers , Or be tane Cloasly conuerting an impure Queane ? Found in a Morgage , not a minute spare ? Or turne Informer for a demyshare . Who Vertue holdes a bare apparant Good , Makes nothing Vice , that may assume a hood , A vaile of Well , pure honesty no more Then flat Hypo●risie : a painted Whore . Countes nothing more ( when indeed nothing lesse Then others mens Opinions Happines . And Vertue ( rare ! ) All thinges to be at End : When euery action needs to Good must tend . Giue me a Genius : a well tempred minde which no Feare vrge : no Syren note can winde From way of Right : that doth all Good approue For no Good else , but for bare Vertues Loue . Whome not Cymerian darknes , more then day : Nor Gyges Ring could corrupt any way . A Minde well mounted , that will scoffe at Hate , ●rample on Fortune , feircel Incounter Fate , ●purne at the sound of Vulgar praise as base : ●pit a defiance in proud Enuyes face : An armed Conscience that dares grapple with A mu●ter of Opinions , in the teeth : Who though a Theater should striue bring out ●is closest grosest Faults , and all about ●et on to barke : durst boldly stand it out . Who thinks to trauerse so vpright the Stage ( Free from 〈◊〉 of this C●nsorious Age : Or aimes in Action at the Vulgar grace , Of Hydra-He●●●● multitude , Appl●use ; Need frame him selfe a Nature that will brooke 〈◊〉 many shapes as euer Proteus tooke . To crye God 〈◊〉 you with a Courtly grace , To Kisse the Hand , to-lay at Foote the Face : To act the Cros-point Longey sleightly : Is held Affecting Proud Humility . To Vaile the Bonnet : stiffe as Elephant , A Furlong off to cast a Complement : To titch the Brimmes : or scarceto speake at all : Wee stately , scornefull , hatefull Gesture call . And carelesse carriage argues , Loues neglect : In best endeauours Critticks finde defect . Let me no oftner then Apollo appeare To Laugh , to skip 〈◊〉 Phaebus ) once a yeare , To goe more formall then my won●ed fashion , Corrected in my Taylours last Edi●ion ▪ To rectifie my Fore-top : or assume , For one nights Reuel ▪ a 3. story P●●me : ( Though some will Lases weare , and Leekes as of And with a more ( p●rchance ) Ambitious thought Straight 't is surmised , rumord r●●●d about I roare , I score , I lauish , lash it out . Trifle Times Treasure : And keepe open port , To all Companions of licentious sort ▪ When in a day or two , being found alone , Hemmed in the hopefull habite of a G●rne . By me a Plowdon or a Littleton . Lord ! what a new bred fame gins hence to passe , How I am changed from the man I was ? Thus I can expectation ●alsify : Weary out Censure in vncertainty : Redeeme Time as I list : proue Want of Wit In those that most inue●tiue jerke at it : And most precize , of greatest vice condemne . Making my Faults theirs : by Belying them . Know I can Frolique be with ( Fr●gio ) Court it in Comptest phrase with ( Curio . ) Come deepe the Caster : and Carouce it free ▪ ( As farre as Vertues limites Licence mee . ) In as rich Grograns , Sattins , Tissues , goe As Florence , Carles , Tartary can showe . Meet , and crye farwell , to those spirits bolde By Pistolltenure that their Liuings holde , Confer with Crop-eard knights ath'post ; heare tell Of Stangate prizes , and of Shooters Hill , Of Brothells , Stewes , of vil●st villanies , And learne out Vertue by her contraries . Fond Affectation , to be counted Great , To be The man held : to be pointed at . I e're neglected . Singularitye May sometimes vertue b● : nere Poli●ye . Who is a man of Note ( note this from me ) Is sure ne're to offend in secrecie : To liue in Bondage in Fa●es Iealosie . T is not the mouthfull of mans breath I care , Nor seuere Censure of strict Critick● feare In spite of Enuy , Hate 't was neuer known : But euer Fame will Vertue waite vpon ; And now , when Vertue Vice is held : whome is 't We may not Praise or Dispraise as wee list ?
THen ( Snarling curres ) turne to this gally slyme . Feed on the putrid substance of my Ryme , Heer 's Hotch-pot : Sosse : prouided filling stuffe Shall finde your greedy Censures worke inough . Where if I finde ye ! Or but spie a traine : A fresh haue at yee ( Varlots ) once againe . FINIS .
To his worthy Friend vpon these Satyres . SAtyres in English ? I pray God your fate , Send 's you not into the world too late To proue there may be such : For there ha's bin So much deceit in Satyres , 't is a Sin ( Almost ) to hope for good ones : They who best Haue done , haue onely Dar'd : and more exprest Their Passions , then a Poem . Nay eeuen all Doe but conuert their little Braines to gall : And bee it bitter once they care not then How venomous it be . Which errors when I see , and see how well approu'd they are , 'T is more then miracle , Your's be so farre Distinguished . And that you suruiue to Write , More out of true discerning then of Spite . I. STEPHENS .

THE SECOND BOOKE : OF Satyricall Epigram's .

To his True Friend Tho: Fletcher of LINCOLN'S-INNE Gent: TOM ! ) 't was thy Speeches did me first possesse These scattered Epigramm's deseru'd the Presse . Whose Learned Iudgement , and Loue , I knew such , Might wel Commend , and Command , twice as much . If ( Reader ) then heer 's ought may breed delight , Giue halfe the thankes to him it brought to light . Nor blush not ( Tom ! ) nor blame not ! that I seeme , Thee the halfe-parent of my Booke to deeme . Heer 's nought but Good ( if nothing they mis-scan ! ) Let Critticks , Momus , All , say what they can ! Th' are Good : who doubts it ? not , for ought I know : Yet Good I le sweare : because Thou saist th' are so .
Satyricall Epigrammes .
Ad Emptorem . Epig: 2. THese Epigrams thou see'st whose are they ? mine ? No! The Book-binders : buy them , they are thine .
In Thrasonem . Epig: 2. SInce ( Thraso ) met one stoutly in the field , He cracks his Spirit knowes not how to yeeld . Looks big ! Sweares ! stroutes with set-side armes the Yet gently yeelds the wall to all he meets . ( streets : And to his Friend that askes the reason why His Answer 's this : my selfe I grace thereby . For euery one , the common Prouerbe knowes : That All-wayes to the Wall the weakest goes .
Of a Rayling Clyent . Epig. 3. I Call'd one Knaue : who answered : ( Sir ) not so ! The Knaue doth all-way's with the Lawyer goe . How could I well but well approue his speech ? Each Lawyer walkes , his Clyent at his breech .
Of Debt . Epig. 4. TO bee Indebted is a shame ( men say ! ) Then 't is Confessing of a shame , to Pay .
In Medicum . Epig. 5. WHen ( Mingo ) cries How do you sir ! t is thought He Patients wanteth ? & his practic's nought . Wherefore of late now euery one he meeteth , With Sir I 'm glad to see you well hee greeteth . But who 'l beleeue him now , when all can tell The world goes Ill with him when all are Well ?
Against the Accademicks of their abusiue * Ignoramus . Epig. 6. THe Law is in our Hands ! How dare ye then Abusiue bee ? Cause ye are Law-lesse men : Your fault was great ! but wee neglect the same , For ye excuse your Error in the * Name .
In Cornutum . Epig. 7. ONe tolde his wife a Harts-head he had bought To hang his Hat vpon : and home it brought , To whome his frugall Wife : what needs this care ? I hope ( sweete Hart ) your Head your hat can bear● .
No-lawes Reformation . Epig: 8. SInce ( No-law's ) Father did him Counsaile giue And said ▪ hee onely by his Booke must liue . Has bought the Law : and vowes his life to mend , And most on 's time will in his Studdy spend . And ( doubtlesse ) so he meanes , for wot ye why ? Has chang'd his Bed , and doth in 's Studdy lye : How like ye ( No-law ) now ? Is hee not wise ? Thus he is certaine by ●he Law to Rise .
Of Lucus and his long Haire . Epig: 9. LVcus ) long locks down to his shoulders weares : And why ? He dares not cut them for his Eares .
Francisco's Trauels . Epig: 10. TEn monthes ( I take it ) are not fully gone , Sinee bolde ( Francisco ) crost the Seas alone . Who late returned ( one woo'd thinke it much ) A compleat Linguist : skilfull in the Dutch. And more ( if you knew all ) for wot yee what ? In the Low-cuntry's hee the French hath got .
Of Braggado and his Valour . Epig: 11. GIue one bad word out comes Braggadoes sword , And sweares ( in rage ) to sheath it in your guts . But draw and stifly stand vnto your word , ●nd gently vp againe his blade he puts . ●raues your acquaintance ▪ vowes he loues all such ●s on their Reputation stand so much . But bee he One that can his wroth containe , He Scornes to strike him ! Hee 'l not strike againe . When will Braggado then his manhood proue ? When he● meets one he doth not scorne , or Loue .
Of Duke and his Imprisonment . Epig. 12. DVke ) lyes for Debt , yet nothing owes he 'l sweare Beleeu't , 't is false , as sure as hee Lyes there .
Againe : Of Duke and the Debt . Epig. 13. DVke's not in debt : yee doe him wrong to say it : The Debt is — God knowes whose . His that w● pay i●
( Guido's ) Bounty . Epig. 14. GIft-gobling Guido alwayes , as he takes , Vnto his Friend this hopefull answere makes . I thanke you kindely : You haue beene at cost : But ( if I liue ) you shall not finde it lost . Then can I euer hope to liue and finde Close-fisted Guido in the Giuing minde ? Nor can I thinke guifts lost , though Guido dye ? For who can loose that he doth Giue away ?
Of Lawyers . Epig. 15. SOme , Lawyers praise : & some their sect defame : The first I cann't : the last I will not blame . Nor yet esteeme Those lesse Praise-worthy , when All loue not Vertue : No not most of men . Whome All men Praise I praise him not at all , But rather him a Temporizer call . When Two contend for , what but One must haue , Who can doe Right and eithers fauours saue ? When one mans Losse anothers Game doth make , And Loosers must , and will haue leaue to speake . Then Ge●tle Lawyers , ) thinke it more then well , If the ha●●e part of men your Praises tell .
To his Fellow Students . Epig. 16. TO Rise by Law , a Life wee couet all . Why ? 'T is Death to vs , by the Law to Fall .
Of Him selfe . Epig. 17. A Friend of mine , ( and yet no friend to mee , ) Comes oft and craues my Epigram's to see . He waighes each word , & highly doth commend 'em And much intreats me to the Presse to send 'em . Thus ( Foole ! ) my Labour's I let him pertake , That Labour 's mee a Foole imprint to make .
Of Phantasmo a Mistris Boaster . Epig. 18. FY ! fie ( Phantasmo ! ) cease to raise Such Trophaeis in thy Mistris Praise . ●hee's Faire ! what then ? The house most white ●eeme Venus Birds most to inuite . And Trees that fairest Fruite doe beare With Stones assaulted oftnest are . ●hee's Pretty ! Witty ! cruell Wit , ●f not Wisdome , Ioyn'd with it ! ●hee's Kinde ! 'T is true ! what better knowne ? ●Vhat worse ? when Kinde to more then one . Wrong not then my Purest Faire , With this meane this skin compare . Rather by thy Sonnets , seeke , To make her Praises Venus like . How ere she Propper : Faire her Feature : Beleeu't shee 's but a Common creature .
In Sextum . Epig. 19. SExtus ) 6. Pockets weares : 2. for his Vses : The other 4. to Pocket vp Abuses .
Epig. 20. KIt ) I commend thy care of all I know , That p●un'dst thy Cushion for a Pipe of To — Now thou art like ( though not to studdy more ! ) Yet ten-times Harder then thou didst before .
Cynna's Theft . Epig. 21. STolne Fruite is sweete : So cannot Cynna say , That Stole a Wench , and had her tooke away .
Of Luce and her 4. Husbands , 3. of them thus Named , Small , Forman , Middleton . Epig. 22. LVce ) late is left a Wealthy widdow : ( How can it other bee then so ? ) ●oure Husbands she hath buryed , Yet would not stick againe to wed , Which on her Hand she thus doth cast : ●mall , Forman , Middleton : And my Last . Counting for euery finger One ) Which all ( God wot ) are dead and gone . Then ( Luce ) beware a Fift to take , ●east so a Hand of all you make .
More-dew's Payment . Epig. 23. MOre-dew ) the Mercer ( with a kinde salute ) Woo'd needs intreat my Custome for a Sute● He'r Sir ( quoth hee ) for Sattins , Vel●ets , call : What ere you please , I le take your word for all . I thank't ! Tooke ! Gaue my word ! ( say than ? ) Am I at all indebted to this man ?
Clyms Account . Epig. 24. CLym calls his Wife and reckoning all his neighbor Iust Halfe of them are Cuckolds he auer's . Nay fie ( quoth she ! ) I would they heard you speak You of your selfe it seemes no Reckoning make .
Of Sim , and his speedy Marriage . Epig. 25. SIx months ( quoth Sim ) a Sutor and not sped ? I in a Sennet did both Woe and Bed . : Who greene Fruit Loues must take long paines to shake . Thine was some Downe-fall I dare vndertake .
A Manly Woman the best Wife . Epig. 26. FAire ! manly ! Wise ! Imagine which of these In Wedlock choise would best my fancy please ? Of all : giue me the Woman halfe a Man : So I shall ( happy ) haue but halfe a Woman .
The Womans Answer . Epig. 27. IF Halfe a woman best your Humour fit : 'T were best to marry an Hermophrodite .
Tom's good Fortune in being Rob'd . Epig. 28. TOm ) tels hee 's Rob'd , and counting all his losses , Concludes : All 's gone the world is full of Crosses . If all be gone ( Tom ) take this comfort then , Th' art certaine neuer to haue Crosse agen .
Of Lawyers and Poets . Epig. 29. NO mar'le that Lawyers , rich : Poets , poore liue , One giues to take , the other , takes to Giue .
In Ignotum . Epig. 30. WHat bred a Seholler : borne a Gentleman , Of 5. yeares standing an Oxonian . Of person Proper : of a comely Feature : And shall I basely now turne Seruing-Creature ? ( Foole ! ) hug thy fortune . S'fut 't may be thy making A Ladyes proffered Seruice not worth taking ? Who her serues ( sure ) shall be well Borne : ( and One knowne sufficient for the Turne before . ( more ) The more thy Standing , greater ( Foole ) thy Grace . And thou farre fitter to supply the place . For men in seruing Ladyes much may get , Then men of Best-parts soonest they 'l admit .
In Sprusam . Epig. 31. WHen men speake Baudy knowest thou what 's the matter . ( Sprufa ) so often spitteth ? ( not to flatter ! ) The cause ( I take 't ) is this : Her teeth doe water .
Of the Riming Sculler . Epig. 32. HOrace the Poet , in his Booke reherses , That Water-drinkers neuer make good Verses . Yet I a Poet know , And ( in his Praise ! ) Hee 's one has liu'd by Water all his day's .
Sues Slip. Epig. 33. SVe swore she Lou'd mee : and vow'd faithfully Neuer to match with any but with mee . Now she hath chang'd her minde : and of All men Will none of mee . Hath she not match't mee then ? Tell her she Trifles . Aske but to what end She swore shee Lou'd ? She meant but as a Friend . Aske why Loue tokens she did priuate send ? Still shee replyes : She meant but as a Friend . Aske why sh' Inuited mee to walke alone where she her thoughts more fully did make known Binding with Oathes , Deliuering Hand on that , Sealing with Lippes , In Wttnesse I know what : Casting her selfe downe by mee : where I could And might haue tooke , what Suerty I would . Still blamelesse , shamelesse , Shee will all defend , Saying in all : Shee meant but as a Friend . Then bee Su● such to all her Friends , as mee , I 'ad rather shee my Friend then Wife shu'd bee .
Of Win and her Sutors . Epig: 34. WIn is much wooed to , but not wonne of any : The troth on 't is : She doth admit too many .
Tym's Studiosity . Epig. 35. MArke ye how studious ( Tym ) is turnd of late ? How he breakes Company to meditate ? Does hee but thus continue , certainly , Hee 'l bee ( at least ) a Sargeant , ere hee dye . Hee may doe ( doubtlesse ) much ! yet I can tell , Hee 'l not come neere a Sargeant , by his will .
Aenigma . A Begger once exceeding poore A penny pray'd mee giue him : And deeply vow'd n'ere to aske more : And I , nere more , to giue Him . Next day he Begg'd againe , I gaue , Yet Both of vs our Oathes did saue .
Of an Egregious Whoore. Epig. 36. THy Belly is thy God . I well may say ! All thy care is to serue it Night and Day . Feare then thy God : least ( whil'st thou worship so ! ) He Rise , and Hellish torments put the to .
Of Felo and his Poetry . Epig. 37. FElo ) that lately kist the Gaole , hath got A smacke of Poetry ! yea more then that ! Hee will maintaine none can bee truely said A Poet , that was neere Imprisoned . : No Bird sings sweet●r then the Bird in Cage . : And Satyrists ( like Dogs ) ty'd , fiercest rage . Thus will fond ( Felo ) proue by Disputation , That New-gate is the Muses habitation . But how so ? when some there cannot reherse , In a month's Learning , for their Liues a Verse .
To his Vnconstant Mistris . Epig. 38. I Dare not much say when I thee commend , Least Thou bee changed ere my Praises end .
Woman ( quasi ) Woe-man . Epig. 39. HAd I not felt it misery to W●e , I had beene marryed ( certaine ) long agoe . Had I Not marryed , straight ( Moroco ) sayes , I had not once felt Woe in all my dayes . If after Woman as before comes Woe , Woe worth the Man with Woman hath to doe .
For Lawyers . Epig. 40. I Muse that Lawyers feare no more to marry That from their Wiues must all the Terme-time tarry . O Sir ! If Termely absence breeds the Feare , How many Frights each Lawyer , in a yeare ?
Speudall's Pollici● . Epig. 41. NOuerint Vniuersi per prae — Thus began ( Notario ) read , ere hee 'd his Coyne forgoe . Holde ( cryes young Spendall : ) S'fut you marre all man ! By any meanes my Father must not know . For any money I 'de not haue it so .
Of Liber too wary to Thriue . Epig. 42. LIber ) is late set vp , and wanteth Custome . Yet great resort hath got : but hee 'l not Trust 'em . Is not his Loue vnto his Friend the greater ? Hee 'l want himselfe , ere hee 'l see him a Debtor .
In Lesbiam , ingratam . Epig. 43. WHy I should Loue thee I no Reason see : Then Out of Reason ( Lesbia ) I Loue thee .
Sir Hughes mistake . Epig. 44. IN Marriage , Woman promise makes : To serue her Husband all her Life . ●ence comes it that Sir Hugh mistakes : ●hat vses Seruants as his Wife . ●nd further yet the sence doth wrest , ●ouing Her most that serues him best .
In Pontum . Epig. 45. ●Ontus comes Posting almost euery day , And cryes How doe you Sir ? Come , what 's th● play ? Who doubts but much his labour hee hath lost , nere coo'd tell , no more then coo'd the Post .
In Milonem . Epig: 46. MIlo ) much blames mee , that in all my Verse , I nothing in my Mistris Praise reherse . ●now I haue Volumes , and wou'd ( I confesse . ) ut can not get consent of Her to Presse .
Of Wine . Epig. 47. PHysitians ) Wine at Spring-Time poyson call ; I hold ! It neuer hurteth but i th' Fall .
In Presbiterum . Epig. 48. PResbyter ) that of late his Parish crost , By his loose Liuing , hath his Liuing lost . And will turne Begger : hoping by his Wittes , To raise a Benefice from Benefitts Foole ! Studdy better , better meanes to liue . To Learned Beggers , rare , or ne're men giue . Where Art and Pouerty together dwell , 'T is shrowdly to bee fear'd all is not well . Men doe by Beggiug Liuings get ( we see ! ) Yet few get Liuings by their Beggery .
In Ignotum . Epig. 49. A Cornish Citizen came to his Wife , Swore he had beene in danger of his life . How man ( quoth shee ! ) Faith pointing but at One Counted the arrant'st Cuckold in the Towne . ●ay Lord ( quoth shee ! ) what meant you Man to say it ? ●ye you forget your Selfe too bad , be quiet .
The Iealous Man . Care : I Feare : I Vexe full sore : To Know of what would Vexe mee more .
The Wittall . Know my Fate , and that must beare , And since I Know I need not Feare .
Epig. 50. HOw can ( Sir Amorous ) in his sute speede ill , That hath his Mistris , euery where at Will. Then worke thy Will of her , for know , of Olde , Tayle Tenure hath been held the surest holde .
Incerti Authoris Of a Bald-man . Epig. 51. THy Haires , and sinnes , no man may aequall cal For as thy Sinnes increase thy Haires doe Fall●
An Answer to the same . Epig. 52. YEs : If thy Haires fall , as thy Sinnes increase , Both will ere long proue aequall , Numberlesse .
In Philippum . Epig: 53. CAll Phillip , Flat-nose , straight hee frets thereat ! And yet this Phillip hath a Nose , that 's Flat .
To his Ingenious Friend Will : Goddard of his Booke intituled : Waspes ▪ Epig. 54. TRue Epigrams most fitly likned are To Waspes , that in their taile a sting must beare . ●hine being Waspes . I say , ( who'st will repine ! ) ●hey are not Epigrams are not like Thine .
Amor ex visu . Of a Blind-man , Louing . Epig. 55. ●F Loue comes but by Sight : ( as ●rue we finde . ) Then needs must ( Caec● ) see : for he is Blinde .
Maxima amicitia inter aequales . The Younger Brother to the Elder . Epig. 56. IF Amongst aequals greatest Friendship bee , Our Loue was Best in our minoritie . When as this mutuall Lesson wee were taught , To bee as Equall branches from One graft . Then did wee Goe and Grow alike , as One , No Difference had in Education . So our Affections Sympathiz'd in all , That no euent could come but mutuall . So Neare so Deare , we both did Loue and Liue , That each ones Breath to each might Being giue , What more ? So Life , and Loue , in all did linke vs , That One that knew vs both , both one wou'd think v Which in our Father br●d this foule mistake , Who gaue One all , and so did Difference make .
Vaitas non est numerus . Epig. 57. ROme for ( Reuersio : ) there 's but One , I le swear● Betwixt him and 5. hundred a Yeare . O happy , thrice ( Reuersio ) if that One , ( As none a Number ) thou coo'dst number none !
Againe : Vnus Homo nullus homo . Epig. 58. ONe Man is no man : Proue that if you can , ( Re●ersio ) you for euer make a Man .
Natura nihil agit frustra . Against Painted Women . Epig. 59. MOst are of minde that Women are lesse Fair● , And more Deformed : then of Olde they were . True ! else In vai●e woo'd Nature labour take , To giue them Beauty , that can Beauty make .
To his Hearts conciled Honor. . THen Thee , the Goddesse did Diuinely frame , For her Art's glory , and the●e Artists shame .
In Amicam dotem quaerentem . Epig. 60. ( — ) Loues me , and woo'd wed , but wot ye what ? Vnlesse I make her Ioynture shee will not . And what s this Ioynture . A future Estate : Purchast by Prouidence , possest by Fate . Whereon to Hopes vnkindnesse , griefe t' inioy , A Sin , to wish for , in it selfe a toy . A meerly neerl' Inuention , onely fit To part false hearts , and not to Ioyne on it . Then ( — ) on Ioynture doe not so much stand , : All faithfull Louers are not borne to Land . It breeds Distrust : Inferres suspition Of other dislikes , to dislike thee on . For was thy Loue , so firme as mine ! with me Thou 'dst thinke no other but to liue and die . Yet bee 't as 't will ! ere I le my Loue forgoe , For want of what I need not : this I le doe , Take mee ! I le play th' Good-husband , and I will Both Day and Night bee getting for thee still . And what I get ( and I will get for Life , ) Dying Ile wholly leaue vppon my Wife . ●f this contents not ! marke then what I le say . Dues must not bee demaunded till the Day . Let ( — ) then Iustly Ioyne me to her now , And then aske Ioynture when it shall grow Due .
Of a Lawyer and a Physitian , which the Better man . Epig. 61. A Quaint Physitian that had tooke Degree , Like in his Habite : aequall in his Fe● . Being a man of Vniuersall grace , Contended with a Lawyer for the place : Sir ( quoth ‛ Physitian ) I am One you know That before Lords and Ladyes vse to goe . My Life secure , voide of seditious strife . Not one dares once molest me , for his Life . I oft am sent for , Lawyer then ( bee se'd ) And haue to doe , with Ladyes in their bed .
Lawyer . Be Patient ( Doctor , ) And take this from mee , T is not your Grace : like Habite : aequall Fee : Nor Priuiledges all : ( say what you can ) May make you bee , or seeme the better man : I ( as Apollo ) am the God , to whome . All Countryes croutching doe for Counsaile come . Iudge then my state ! how Honored I liue : How Liberall : Counsaile vnto all I Giue : How Honest , That am sought too : free from Hate When men will trust mee with their whole estate . No not the statelyest Lady in the Land , Will sticke to put her Case into my hand : Goe to our Practise ! ( for my Countries care ) I most am stirring where Contentions are . You in Infections , and Diseases raining , Make out of Others losse and Hurt , your gaining . I to suppresse Deceit , Truth 's Causes vrge : You , Humours to exhale , with Glisters purge . Mistake not Doctor then , and you shall finde . It is your Office for to come behinde .
Of 2. Painters contending for Praeeminence in their Ar● . Epig. 62. TWo Painters on a time at variance fell , Which might each other in his Art excell . One thinking straight to end so vaine a strife , Pluckes forth the curious Picture of his Wife , Swearing if ought of his could this surpasse , Hee , of the Two the better Artist was : The other more Learned in Philosophie . Saves All compares must amongst ae●ua●ts bee . Now then ( if this mu●● the Contention end ) You of necessity your Wife must lend . Then let me presently her with me take , And I hee Image shall more Liuely make . Let no suspition cause you to deny her , I le make it speedily : And send it by her . This done ! The Artist cuuningly did bid her , Before him stand , as when her Husband did her , Who speedily his Percill forth did plucke , And close him●elfe vnto his worke betooke . So Iustly Her hee fitted euery where , She swore her Husband could not him come neere . : No better Iudge then , can I haue , nor Will , : Goe home and tell thy Husband of my Skill . At whose returne the Good-man ( fond to know ) Askt her the Ensigne of his Art to show . ( Quoth she ) this time the Ground he onely laide , It shall in time bee perfected ( hee saide . ) Oft was he vrgent , ( and woo'd Answer none , ) From day to day hee 'd aske ( What ha's h●● done ? ) It chanced so that in some 10. Months after , Shee was deliuered of a goodly Daughter . So like in all , to th' Mother was this Elfe , That none could thought bee mother but herselfe . Which Born● , she tooke , and to her Man did send it Loe heere my Picture : Trie if you can mend it . FINIS .
To the worthy Author vpon these Epigrams . LEt me not whilst I praise an Epigram , Deserue a Satyre : Let not me who am As nice in praising as dispraisiug still , Commend your worke as trading Poets will : For then I might praise Bookes I neuer read , Bookes sencelesse , at least not Interpreted , And sweare I know them good . Thus many doe Commend and yet maintaine , their credits too : Which , my poore Innocence hath much admir'd , Till I perceiu'd these Poets who are hir'd , In all respects are Shop-keepers : And they Grow Bankroupts , if forsworne but once a day : So these in wit grow beggerly whose sloath Hath nothing but a Wager , or an Oath To proue their owne or other mens desert : And did not my per-vsall now conuert My Iudgement to consider what I praise : I might ( as they ) approue , and many wayes Recant hereafter : But I giue them leaue To Write vpon me , when they shall perceiue Such scorn'd Inconstancie ; and if they please To doo 't in Epigrams , Let them first learne These . Which if they can learne , they may truely boast ▪ They haue aduantage gotten with the most . IO: STEPHENS .

THE Third Booke of Humours : Intituled Notes from BLACK-FRYERS .

Epigram . To his Lou : Chamber-Fellow , and nearest Friend NAT: GVRLIN Of Lincolnes-Inne Gent. NAT ) Counsaile me ! ( faith ! ) what wod'st hau● me doe My priuate Notes produce in publique view ? Tush ! mooue me not : yet ( doubtles ) t is rare stuff And may Take , why not ? if so ! Good inough . How ere ( Nat ) Patronize it , thou canst tell , ( If ought mislike : ) I meant , and wish all well . Then , Good : or Bad heer ( Sirs ! ) on liking take it If Good , 't is I : If Bad : 't is you that make it .
Notes from Black-Fryers . WHat ( friend Philemo ) let me thy corpes Imbrace ! So jumpe met in this vnfrequented place ? Then , faith ! ' lets Frolique't : pre'thee what s the Play ? ( The first I visited this twelue monthes day . ) ( They say ) A new Inuented Toy of Purle That ieoparded his Necke , to steale a Girle Of 12 : And ( lying fast impounded for 't ) Hath ●ither sent his Beard , to Act his part . Against all those in open Malice bent , That would not freely to the Theft consent . Faines all to 's wish , and in the Epilogue , Goes out applauded for a famous — ) Now hang me if I did not looke at first , For some such stuffe by the fond peoples thrust . Then stay ! I le se●'t , and sit it out ( what ere ) Had I at comming forth tooke a Glister : Had Fate fore-read me in a Croude to dye : To bee made Adder-deafe with Pippin-crye . Come ▪ let 's bethink our selue● what may be found To deceiue Time with , till the second sound : Out with these matches fore-runners of Smoake , This Indian pastime I could neuer brooke . SEe ( Captaine Martin ) he i th' Renounce me Band ▪ That in the middle Region doth stand Woth ' reputation steele ! Faith ! le ts remoue , Into his Ranke , ( if such discourse you Loue ) Hee 'l tell of Basilisks , Trenches , Retires : Of Pallizadoes , Parepets , Frontires : Of Cnluerins , and Baricadoes too : What to bee Harquebazerd : to lye in Perdue : How many men a Souldier ought to slay For a Lieutenant-ship : or Twelue month Pay . Hee 'l read a Lecture ( by his skill exceeding ) O● Reputation : when ▪ it lyes a Bleeding : When Tutcht : when Ingaged : when quite Dead , ● How none may euer Fight once Baffled . What satisfaction for the Lye : and when Quarrels are mortall : when Sec●nds may come in ▪ Then of the Nether-lands ! what Passes there : What stout Performances : wherein hee 'l sweare As many weekely fall but for the Lye , As did in ho●test time of Si●knesse dye . Last for his Manhood : how in furie ( cro●t ) For a false reckoning once he slew his Host. And late in England , ( since his comming o're ) ●nto the Channell flung an Oyster-whoore . For taking th' wall of him : seeme but to doubt ( The least ) of these : straight he will plucke ye out Handfuls of Reputation : gain'd of those That dared not his Valour counterpose . But wronging him : and call'd to account for 't In Satisfaction from their Hands woo'd part . Which he puts vp , and gloriously puts forth In Ordinaries to proclaime his worth , Thinking to get ( what common sence denyes ) Credit : by Pocketting vp Iniuryes . Then Learne of him , he 'l teach you how yee might Be counted Valiant , and neuer Fight . LOok next to him to , One we both know well , ( Sir I●and Hunt ) a Trauailer that will tell Of stranger Things then Tatterd Tom ere li't of , Then Pliny , or Heroditus e're writ of : How he a remnant lately brought with him Of Iacobs Ladder from Ierusalem : At the Barmodies bow the Fishes fly . Of Lands inriched by a Lottery . Of Affricke , Aegypt : with strange Monsters fil● ▪ Such as nere Noahs Arke : nere ●den held . And rarer Rarities , then all of these : Iust now to bee discouered ( if yee please ! ) Such as woo'd make a Blind-man fond to see : Conuicted Gallants loose their hopes and flie , Most younger Brothers sell their Lands to buy , Guyantan Plumes : like Icarus to fly . BVt stay ! see heere ( but newly Entred , ) A Cheapside Dame , by th' Tittle on her head ! Plot ( Villain ! ) plot ! Let 's lay our heads together ▪ We may deuise perchance to get her hither . ( If wee to-gether cunniningly compact ) Shee 'l holde vs dooing till the Latter Act. And ( on my life ) Inuite vs Supper home , Wee 'l thrust hard for it ▪ but wee 'l finde her rome , Heer Mis — ( pox on t ! she 's past , sh●'l not come ore , Sure shee 's bespoken for a box before . KNowest thou yon world of fashions now comes in In Turkie colours carued to the skin . Mounted Pelonianly vntill hee reeles , That scornes ( so much ) plaine dealing at his heeles . His Boote speakes Span●sh to his Scottish Spurres , His Sute cut Frenchly , round besiucke with Burres . Pure Holland is his Shirt , which proudly faire , Seemes to out-face his Doublet euery where , His Haire like to your Mo●r's or Irish Lockes , His chiefest Dy●t , Indian minced Dockes . What Countrey may-game might wee this suppose , Sure one woo'd thinke a Roman by his Nose . ●o ! In his Habite better vnderstand , ee is of England by his Yellow Band. NOw Mars defend vs ! seest thou who comes yonder ? Monstrous ! A Woman of the Masculine Gender . ●oke ! thou mayst well descry her by her groath , ●t , point not man ! Least wee be beaten both . e her a little , marke but where shee 'l goe , ow ( by this hand ) into the Gallants Roe . ●ther her alone ! What ere she giues to stand , ee'l make her selfe a gayner , By the Hand . VHat think'st thou of yon plumed Dandebrat , Yon Ladyes Shit●le-cocke , Egyptian Rat : ●n Musk-ball , Milke-sop : yon French Sincopac● : at Vshers in , with a Coranto graco . Yon Gilded March-pane : yon All Verdingall , This is the Puppet , which the Ladyes all Send for of purpose and solicite so To daunce with them . Pray ( Sir ) a step or two . A Galliard or a Iigg : Pox on t ! cryes hee , That ere I knew this Toyling faculty . Yet marke ! No sooner shall the Cornets blow , But ye shall haue him skipping too and fro . A Stoole and Cushion ! Enter Tissue slop ! Vengeance ! I know him well , did he not dr● Out of the Tyring-house ? Then how ( the duse ) Comes the mishapen Prodigall so spruse , His year's Reue●ewes ( I dare stand vnto 't , ) Is not of worth to purchase such a Sute . Tush ! is it now to question Gallantry , When No-land for a rich Gratuity , May Seale as deepe as can Auare's Heire , That may dispend fiue hundred a yeare ? When Tradesmen take by whole sale all they can , Venting it out , on day , to any Man . And then themselues for Twelu-pence in the pound , Will in the payment of the Debt be bound And escape free by Breaking . This an age To feare preferment ? When a Rascall Page An Abiect outside shall presume to Woe Rich bruted ( Cashia : ) and hope better too , Then hee that of the Of-scums of his Braine , Can a man better then the ( Vice ) maintaine . ( Tut ! 't is the Mothers plot ! Now she shall see The Court sometimes ! Oh Carnall Pollicy ! ) Then who in Studdy woo'd spend Time in vaine● Omit youth's pleasures for a fruitlesse paine ? Or for an Ayrie puffe of Enuy'd Praise , Liue bound to th' Good-behauiour all his dayes . Hang 't ! Let 's be Iouiall ! Braue it whilft we can ! What s Coyne ordain'd for , but the vse of Man ? To Borrow is a Vertue , when to Lend , Is to beget an euerlasting freind : And may a man haue more said in his grace , Then to bee Credited in euery place ? Hee 's not a Gentleman I dare maintaine , Whose Word runnes nor as Current as his Coyne . A Pipe heere ( Sirra ) no Sophistocate . ( Villain ) the best : what ere you prize it at . Tell yonder Lady , with the Yellow fan , I shall be proude to Vsher her anon : My Coach stands ready . Lord how me thinkes I long ! To carue the inside of a dry'd Neats-tong . England cannot afford a kinder relish , For Backragg , Deale , or your more pleasing Re●ish When shall we make a pleasant cut to Douer , In a mad merry Humor ? And send ouer ? A Laugh shall rouz the Hage : shake Lesbou walls : And raise in Armes the fearfull Portugalls . Say Gallants ( faith ) shall 's neuer see the day , When wee shall Fish-street once againe suruey . A butterd Crab or Lobsters leg to get , O Venus ! How a Life I sauour it ? Who woo'd not all his Land spend had hee more , Then in a day a Kite could hoouer ore . T' inioy the pleasant Harmony that wee Finde in this Microcosme , Man's societie . When all is gone , t is weaknesse to dispaire , Are there not wealthy Widdowes eu'ry where . Ambitious Sick , woo'd part from all their Good ; To crowne their latter dayes with a French-hood ? Are there not Pates , in strange discoueries teaching Wh●re mountains are of Gold ? s'fut , t is but fetching ! Twenty such Fe●ches hath the ( Shar●e ) to moue 〈◊〉 Gallants of the first Head , but to approue His swaggering Humor ▪ vowes that all he spends , He getteth brauely by his ●ingers ends . There 's not a Cheapside Mercer ( if he looke ) That will not sweare to ▪ t deeply on his booke . No note● Noary in Cornwell row , But is subscribed Witnesse there too . Silkmen . Haberdashers ▪ Tradesm●n all : Inamor'd on him , for his Custome call , And he takes all of them But woe to him If he bee taken but by one of Them . : W' Ant it for Women w●e shu'd all be men . I cannot present better instance , then In you Spruse Coxcombe , yon Affecting Asse , That neuer walkes without his Looking-glasse , In a Tobacco box , or Diall set , That he may priuately conferre with it . How his Band jumpeth with his Peccadilly , Whether his Band strings ballance equally : Which way his Feather wagg's : And ( to say truth ) What wordes in vtterance best become his mouth . Oh! Hadst thou yesterday beheld the Valour I saw him exercising on his Taylour ▪ How , out of measure , hee the R●scall beat , Not fitting to his minde his Doublet . Lord ! how I laught to see the witlesse Noddy , Durst not reply , he meant it to his Body . See Villain , Rogue ! ( And in he shrinks his brest ) Oh Heauens ! Too wide a handfull at the least , Straight it is Cut ! And then proues ( being try'd ) As much too little on the other side . But what skil't ! Hee 'l haue an attractiue Lace , And Whalebone-bodyes , for the better grace . Ad nit spare dyet , on no sustnance feed , But Oatmeale , Milke , and crums of Barly-bread . Vse Exercise vntill at l●st hee fit : ( With much adoe ) his Body vnto it . Hee 'l not approach a Tauerne , no nor drinke ye To saue his life Hot-water , ( wherefore thinke ye , ) For heating's Liuer ! Which some may suppose Scalding hote , by the Bubbles on his Nose . Hee 'l put vp any publique foule disgrace , Rather then hazzard cutting of his Face . If in his Element you 'd haue the ( F●ole ! ) Aske him when he came from the Dauncing-school Whereas much Leather he doth dayly waste In the French Cringe , which Ieremy brought last . And more , then C●●iat ( I dare maintaine ) In going to the Alp●● and backe againe . Whereof , that all the world may notice take , See! euery step an H●●●r hee doth make That Ladyes , may denote him with their Fa● , As he goes by , with a Lo: Hee 's the man . IS 't not a thing to bee admired at That any man should Sing himselfe in debt . Then who 'd not giue as willingly a groate , To heare ( Fantasticks ) admirable note ? As see a Mandrake , or a Sea-monster : Edwards blade : with the Tombes at Westminster . The Eagle at the Tower : St. Iames's Rarityes : The Estrich , or Beauer , that woo'd worrey Trees ? ( Amorous Fantasticke ) that did neuer ayme at A smaller Rise , then Ela in the Gamat . That ne're conuersed but with men of Note , Your Crotchet Pate , and your Organick Throat . Neuer Ambitious more then to be able , But to attaine vnto a Chamber Treble . Wondrous proficient ! See how the Gentlewomen Throng to his Chamber doore , but dare not come in , Why ? least he rauish them ! Tush ! Laugh ye not , H 'as done ( I wosse ) as great exploites as that . ( Or else he cracks ) the sweetnesse of his voyce Ore-heard of Ladyes , hath procur'd him choyse Of Matches : Noble , Rich: but hee 'l not meddle , And why ( I pray ? ) for cracking of his Treble . No! hee 'l with better industry make tryall , If hee can Match his Treble to the Violl . Gainst when , hee hath proclaim'd throughout the Citty , To All your Witts , an Angell for a Ditty : Faith ! was he heere wee 'd bargain for a Rime , And heere he comes . So truely he keepes Time . BVt h'st ! with him Crabbed ( Websterio ) The Play-wright , Cart-wright : whether ? either ! ho - No further . Looke as yee'd bee look't into : Sit as ye woo'd be Read : Lord ! who woo'd know him ? Was euer man so mangl'd with a Poem ? See how he drawes his mouth awry of late , How he scrubs : wrings his wrests : scratches his Pate . A Midwife ! helpe ! By his Braines coitus , Some Centaure strange : some huge Bucephalus , Or Pallas ( sure ) ingendred in his Braine , Strike Vulcan with thy hammer once againe . This is the Crittick that ( of all the rest ) I 'de not haue view mee , yet I feare him least , Heer 's not a word cursiuely I haue Writ , But hee 'l Industriously examine it . And in some 12. monthes hence ( or there about ) Set in a shamefull sheete , my errors out . But what care I it will be so obscure , That none shall vnderstand him ( I am sure . ) Others may chance ( that know me not a right , ) Report ( iniuriously ) all my delight , And strength of studdy I doe wholly bend To this Losse-labour and no other end . To these I wish my scanda●d Muse reply In as plaine tearmes as may bee 'T is a lye . Heer 's but Pate-pastime : Play-house Obseruation , Fruits of the vacants howers of a Vacation . Then ( say all what they can ) I am sure of this , That for Play-time it is not spent amisse . Semel insaniuimus omnes . Once wee haue all Beene Iouiall . FINIS
To his worthy Friend , H. F. vpon his Notes from BLACK-FRYERS . HAd the Black-Fryers beene still vn-suppressd , I cannot thinke their Cloysters had bin blessd With better contemplations : Seeing now ●esse may be gleand from Puritanes then you Haue gathered from the Play-house . And I must ( Though 't bee a Players vice to be vniust , To Verse not yeelding coyne ) let Players know They cannot recompence your labour : Though They grace you with a Chayre vpon the Stage , And take no money of you nor your Page . ●or now the Humours which oppresse Playes most , ●hall ( if the owners can feele shame ) be lost : And when they so conuerted doe allow , What they dislik'd once , Players must thanke you , And Poets too : for both of them will saue Much in true Verse , which hisses might depraue : Since you haue so refin'd their Audience , That now good Playes will neuer neede defence . IO: STEPHENS
Epilogue . The Author for Himselfe . J Am no Poet ! ( yet I doe not know Why I should not : or why I should be so . ) I can ( I must confesse ) a Metre scan : And Iudge of Verses as an other man . I haue been Trayn'd vp'mongst the Muses : ( more ! ) The sacred Name of Phaebus I adore . Yet I no Poet am ! ( I 'de haue ye know ) I am no Poet ( as the world goes now . ) : My Muse cannot a Note so poorly frame , : As Inuocate a Penny-Patrons name . : I cannot speake and vnspeake ( as I list : ) : Exchange a sound friend for a broken Iest : : Conferre with Fountaines : or conuerse with Tree ▪ : Admit in my discourse Hyperbolyes . I cannot highly praise Those highest are Because they sit in Honours l●●ty chayre . ●or make their States in S●●●●ts happy knowne , Being ( perchan●e ) lesse happy then mine owne . I cannot sing my Mistris shee is Faire : T●ll her of her Lilly Hand ▪ her golden 〈◊〉 , Fetch a Comparison ( beyond the Mo●●● , ) To proue her constant in A●●●ction . : I dare not Her so much as Louely call : : Or say I haue a Mistris at all . : Why ? Ere too morrow , she will changed bee : : And leaue me laught at for my Poetry . Had I of Scoggins Crowes writ : or set out In Womans Praises what I was about . I am perswaded ( yet I cannot tell ) I had a Poet prou'd against my will . ●et ( ye vnproued good ) blame not because yet as ( doubtfull on your merits ) pause . will produce and Patronize it too : ●inde I but one amongst so many true . ●ut Faine I cannot , heere is not a word , Which I dare not maintaine true with my sword . ●oets men Lyers call . If so ! Then ( know it ) ●ee is a Poet , doth mee call a Poet.
Post-script to his Book-binder . STationer ) A Good turn● to thee I owe : Heere ! I will pay thee no● in Folio . But stay ! Not soe : that I woo'd haue thee put Mee in the Folio : or the Q●art● e●t . Rather con●riue mee to the Smallest 〈◊〉 , Lea●● I bee eaten vnder Pippin-pyes . Or in th' Apothicaryes shop bee seen● To wrap Drugg's : or to dry Tobacco in . First ( might I chu●e ) I would be bound to w●pe ▪ Where he discharged last his Glister-pipe . The Character I care not , Great , or Small , So I bee plainly vnderstood of all . Onely preserue mee from the sight of Those , That cannot but must Read me in the Nose . Then care to cast mee : not i th' Learned Roe , Least I the Learned c●nsure vndergoe . Not lay me with scald Poets least I titch , And so become infected with Their itch . Let not each Pesant , each Mecannick Asse , That neer knew further then his Horn-booke crosse . Each rauin - Rustick● : each illiterate Gull : Buy of my Poesie , by pocket full . Booke-like made-D●shes may for Daintyes goe , Yet will not euery pall●●● taste 'em so : Then were it good , I should inioyne the Sell. Mee vnto none but those that loue me well . If any Puff-paste , Bumbaste Iobernole , Wrapt in the Hangings of a Brokers-stall . A halfe - Nose : or a Carbonado'd face : Of a suspitious subtill Serpents pace . Trust to a Basket-hilt : chances to drop . But for a Resting-roome into thy shop . And catches in his fatall hand my Rime . To lurke in it , vntill hee see his Time . Thrust him out head-long , for ( beleiue him not ) Now ( by the Mace ) itis a Counter-plot . If thou behold a Courtca●t Satten-show , Fallen from the Fa●hion a Degree or two . One as goes purueying vp and downe for Tales , To Iest ●is ●ungry stomacke into meales . That with a m●rry pocket ▪ Pamp●let will , For a weeke after Laugh his Be●●y full . Send him to Sojourne with Duke Humfrey , Let him starue ere hee g●● a bit● of mee ▪ Least lying ( Read ) neglected in his Slop ▪ I bee conueyed vnto the Brokers-shop . Or by his theeui●h Page discouered : Quickly conuerted into Gi●g●r-bread ▪ If any Younger Brother ▪ that noe more Hath then a Daggle ▪ tayl'd She●p-skin kept in store ▪ Whose An●●all ●leec● will but bare me●nes afford , And with the Echer of ●i● Brothers bord . That sits a Ledger at his Fathers Table : My Booke woo'●●oudly purchase : ( hardly able , ) To win , the presence by the ●●ers side , Of Mrs. Sis , or Sue the Dary-maide . Or chooke the Rusticke Leather-lobs with laughter ▪ Bid him goe studdy how to liue hereafter : Read where mor●●ollid substance hee may get To Liue vpon , or learne to goe in Debt . Ye , ye , Braue Gallants : Patrons of liuely mirth : Ye , the young hopefull Land-Lords of the Earth : The youth of youth ! That read most libe●ally , More out of 〈◊〉 then nec●●●●ty . Y●e worthy Worthyes ! Non● elss ( ●ight I chus● ) Doe I desire my 〈◊〉 p●ruse ▪ For to saue charges : ere the Playes begin : Or when the Lord of Libertie comes in . And if a Booke must needs a Patron haue , Yours is the onely Patronage I craue . Others I wish the Stationer fore-warne ▪ With a Hand 's off : It is not for your turne ▪ FINIS .
Errors in the Printing .

Ye pro your , Folio 2. Saty : 1. Rome for halfe , pro Rome for some halfe : Eare-word , pro Er'e-word . Non pro not .

Demoritus pro Democritus ▪ Saty : 2. So pro too . Scoue pro Sconce . Longey pro Congey .

Whos't pro whose . Ep●g . 54. L●ec● pro C●ec● . in aliquibus . Ep●g . 55. Puts pro Pull's . Lib: 3. page 6. Yee pro you .