The minte of deformities

No Thrasion harpe , but a steeld surious whippe , no Nightingales , but Mandrakes shreeking sound , Adastors snakes to make these Thrasors skippe : whose cages , vultures , limewands , to confound : the reeking limits of an vnstayd head , with aspish toyes to bring greene wits to bed . Oh I am mad to see the chopping stile , and cheating slaueries of these mustie dayes , The woordes of arte ( yet artlesse which beguile ) deepe diuing vathrifts of their honest prayes , yet not their owne , for one short yeere wil boord what their progenitors did fortie hoord , Vertues-decayed-world is out of vse , and honest trading mindes are cleane extinct , Downe goes all vertuous meanes , set vp a stuise : a broking brothell is delicious drinke : a broker ( quoth you ) oh t is an honest trade , t will be defended who so ere gaynesayd . Grose swalowing termes disdayne a brokers name , which doth support base drudging vnderlings , Whose silken robes varnish their bastard shame : and foggie clowring-birth-enamilingsh . whose statling-twelue-pence makes the shine as bright , as Cynthias beames in a storme-wintring night . Whose maistring termes lies in their sattan ragges , a purchast shift will make them gentlemen , Though not a peny in their woorships bagges , yet are they noblier borne then better men : their suits will guild their gentrie , and the rather , the diuell is become their godfather . I knewe a Piper in a silken coate , so farre inamord of his peacockes plumbes , That needes his paynted picture must afloate , or els his gentle minde with griefe consumes : who drewe it but his father ? fie fond man , to name his father , hee s a gentleman . I woonder ( Orpheus ) thou didst neere commence ? thou couldst haue plaid foure organs roundelaies , And yet thou neuer hadst preheminence ? though thou surpassedst in astonisht brayes . Now by the Trenitie t was not welldone , to make a gentleman a paynters sonne . But who more proud then beggers mounted hie , Whose three yeeres gentry from a brokers shoppe , Will proue his stenching-silke stampt pedigree , from C. sol . fay . vt . or an organes stoppe . beware , beware , the knauish beadle waytes , to beare you to the consistorie states . A Taylers sheares clips of this brokers shape , a perfumd-crosseleged-rare-artificiall , Whose gentrie's paynted in a womans cape , a gentleman ? why it s common vn o all , he takes part with them both , therfor't must follow he hath a broking vayne , a singing swallow . If any enuious disalowing tongue , seeke to depresse this auncient customdvse , Which with the downfalne Adam first begun , I craue the single combate for his abuse , our armes shal soone decide that doubt , & then Taylors I hope are no meane gentlemen . In azure rampant sticks a payre of sheares , our coate ( out of a thousand ) one wee le sorte , A spanish needle pendant , and that beares our crest , which is our ornamentall port : a bodkin iacent with a lowse doth hould , makes our impression in honors mould . Our tongues we shape not to each common crie , we keepe our residence , stirre at no call : We vse no what do you lackes , what is t you buy ? but sit securely on our shopboord stall : nobles attend vs for our iudgements , then who will denie vs to be gentlemen . Become our harrold ( gentle mayster scribe ) enormous pens we hate , and rustie boasts , Blase our antiquitie ? and for a bribe feare not : wee le fee you to the vttermost , here take this veluet romnant what you neede , our vnderboording box supplies with speede . Our persumes smell not like the slauering crewe , of middy take paynes , or such vnsauory sway , Our garments vndisfigured and new : Vnlike December florishing as May . our hamering heads tir'd with inuention , scorne base vpbrayding reprehension . A codpeece breech cleane out of fashion , a swim-swamd flapping-lagging ore the knee , A cost-deuised-admiration . Is vsed of all : oh spightfull forgerie . when God fayre fashion'd partes , vnfashioning , they both deforme those gratious parts , & him . O that young heads should haue such slender wit , to yeeld their humors to these odious baites , Their carelesse moodes wayes nought , but more fit and new stampt fashions their vndoing waites , what strange deformes lurkes in these motions , must needes be stamped in their fashions . Vnfit conceipts shipt from the Persians , all christians hating Pagan fantasies , Remote attires of the Graesians , are enterteynd as solemne cerimonies , Persians , Turckes , Graesians , all fashions I beleeue , are safe compiled in one English sleeue . Let one attire creepe in our heads to day , to morrow t will be common , odious , It must be single or it beares no swaye , if two possesseit oh t is scripulous , some strange-imaginarie shape alone , must fit my humor , or I will haue none . To day like a French gaiboile , round and flat , to morrow like a Spaniard , naught but britch , Then in the strange Italian natiue plat , then in the whotte Barbarians swelting pitch , that I doe wonder that in London trades , like Kitchinstuffe ( what fashions haue you maides . I know a trifling student three houres space , contriuing in what forme to make his shooe , First he would haue it square , with a pinkt race , then round , then streight , at length all would not doe , at last he found a fashion pleasd him most , but wanted money to defray the cost . What must he doe ? his wants must be supplyed , the ordinary shapes dislikt his minde , Money he wanted , but what ere betide , he must haue that with labor he did finde , but at the last , when the best meanes were scand , he brooke the shop , & for those shooes was hangd . T is strange to see the nature of our clime , our fashion-mongers passe all other worlds , The close-reseruing orders of strange times , are in contempt all into England hurld , that neither Spaniard , Duch , Polonian , can be disstinguisht from an Englishman . Each Countrie keepes his natiue fashion , same England , which doth reuell with them all , No method in his attired function , will make his pampered ioynts vnbestiall : a straite Polon sleeue , large Italian scerting , a Spanish belly close , and a French wing . A right Camelions , no perfect Iosephs shape what God made perfect , that they will amend , There lewd opinions prisd at a higher rate , then their owne goodnes , or good finisht ende , inuenting trifles now keepe such a quoile , what God made good , they making better spoile . Babels new built , confusion rules the toung . their racked wits aspire to lothsome crimes , Sodoms foundation is a fresh begunne , to make our falls warnings to after times , oh this inhumaine fault 's propitious , portending wracte vnto our weale and vs . What doe these cutting sutes portend but shame , ensinges to bawdie tauerne-boulsteres , The stayned mapp of a loose gouernd name , and swaggering crew of hatefull chauilers , whose onely grace is blurd in periurie , with mouthing othes to blase there infamie . Skimd superficies of this crew is ripe , and riper would be , but for Tiburns rod : The saint they worship a Tobacco pipe , and their bedawbed loosenes is their God , yet let me giue this counsell to that ward , that maister Tiburne capers very hard . One snurts Tobacco as his nose were made , a perfumd Iakes for all scurrilities , Another with his haire ( as if a iayde , had lost his tayle to feede his enormities , hanges ore his shoulders with a fond deuise , to make a warmer couert for the lice . An other slaue which long time hath beene chaind , and got an eare-stamp for his filching trayde , To clowde this shame , a Iewell must be hangd , at the same hole the burning iron made , who then dare call him rogue , who seemes to sauor , the vndeserued blisse of his misti is fauor . If iewellings obscure such fowle disgrace , and will eclipse the lawes due punishment , Who will not leade this iolly swaggering race , to be inthrald in the worlds blandishment , but ( gentle Roister ) bridle your iolly scope , or els the next degree will be a rope - The next that marcheth in this cutting crewe , noble Dicke Swash , with sworde and buckler othes , He sweares the Spaniards his braue valure knew , and sayes his terrifieng frights them most : oh how he lies ? for i le be sworne that Dicke , nere tooke a pray , vnlesse a hedging trick . Oh infamie vnto a souldiers name , oh scandall to our predecessing worth , Thy death shall burie this disgrace and shame , and rue thou shalt the houre of thy birth , but ( signior Bragadino ) aduise you better , a slitting coller is a plaguie debter . Tut he is well inough aduised of that , if without companie he be alone , He will not draw to hurt a man , that s flat : what he a quarriler ? tut hee le saue one . but it a tauerne crew together meete , hee le be the first to drawe , but last to feight . Where hath he not beene where Belona swayes , in the Low countries , there his name 's known best , In Britanie and Gascoine many dayes , and gaynst the Turkes his seruice hath beene prest : all these renowned countries did he skip , when scarce he knowes the inside of a ship . Yet will he roundly tell the honored names , of the cheefe leaders , wher 's their regiment , Their worthes ceclipse his vndesiphered shames , perfume his base thoughts to an ornament , his victories are registerd in the booke , when I dare sweare he knowes no enimies looke . Then with his ruby-pumpeld-wine-fir'd snout , a quaffing health must to his captayne flye : He that denies the acceptance in the route , his valure-hating poniard makes him dye , their villanous attempts may well be sayd , that Chaueleiring-murtherings growne a trayd . Iudgment they feare , God neuer comes in minde , if iustice frowning-guerdon were not death , Then good mens hauokes , their pursuing kinde , would by their hating-goodnesse clip their breath , and hell , rape crueltie , would beare such sway , that good-reformed mindes should quite decay . It that a man denie to quaffe his scoure , or would leaue off before he be starke drunke , Nay if he will not drinke so many houres , after his braynlesse sence to sicknesse sunke : then streight they vow mutuall coniunction , he dyes a foe to a belching fraternion . When grosepate chaplaines of deuouring sinne , doe channel their lewd corps with scandold shame , And steeles the broken issue of there skinne , whose ouerweining loosenes racks his name , then is he mad , and to this Marshall crewe , will make coniunction with his Priestlike hew . If any man will drinke till be dead , Lincolne black pots wil crie Amen to it , A christian-seiming soe will make him sweate , with Lees of drunken homiles scoures his wit , whose text doth fume out of a smoking toast , lining his belching crast in a good seimd boast . But t is no maruell , when all trades are done , the onely refuge is to be a priest , When all prophaned vice , and murthers scumme , maskt in those honored robes are counted blest , But I would wish this Marshal keep his daughter least that a wraying song procure his slaughter . There was a certayne vnreformed straine , And base corrupted-broking of a place , Crept in the head of an vnhallowed braine , Where he securely might obscure his race : ah Nicholl , Nicholl , that a quóistring roome , should be subiected to a bloodie scumme , But where gould stamps , there vertue fals aboord , he that out biddes , merites the highest scailes , Fiue trades will driue one back , ( though nere so good ) and shag-rackt-wits though golden force preuailes , fiue places , when fiue houses he doth master , and to each one three , Scullion , Collier , Baker . When he doth preach , not gainst , but on good ale , when he doth storme , not gainst , but on good soules , He not against , but on precise doth rayle , still his ( against ) is fixed on goodnesse moulds , he enuies good , yet seemes not such a one , this is a church-like epigramation . He readeth much , and yet he cannot see , he studies much , and yet he cannot speake , He gayneth much , yet all by periurie , he sweareth much , tut that s a sillie cheake : he reads on Angell letters , studies euill , his brocage gayne corrupts , sweares like a diuell , Many may aske who this damn'd slaue may be , And may by great inquire finde his name , Rather seeke vertue then impietie ? Seeke not too much , too soone coms lothsom shame HANG-LET this Marshall , hate his deformed euill , And thou expelst him , & in him the diuell . Let not the feind maske safe in Samuels robes , Let not the pulpet-hater , and Gods woord , Let no prophaner Gods sacred Temple robbe , Let no bloodthirstie slaue with fury spurd , to triumph or the silly-cheated flocke , by such an vntaught-domineiring blocke . Hee s an Idolator indubitate , for like a carued image nere remoues , vnlesse a sutors goulden fees do prate , a goulden eloquence is all he loues : many good Angels doth he stand possest , and yet one deuill thinks his part is best . Oh that a seruant ( as he thinkes him selfe ) should for preferment ) good-corruptings slaue ) Disgrace his maister for a little pelfe , dash of the blessed light , and darknes craue , and though that God offer such gratious proffers , he wayes them not , so he may fill his coffers . He reads Gods word ( yet thinkes there is no God ) he serues the diuell ( as his vnknowne friend ) , And though his priuate-lurching harts abode , be fixed at home , on his sinne swallowing ende , yet are his heauen-heaud eyes with such a grace though God , & his own thoughts , forswere the place . Looke to thy children , and reforme thy race , the time yet serues , be not too obstinate , Refrayne thy lewd pathes in this time of grace , with true contrition : be not obdurate . now is the sauing time to make thee blest , and dye thou mayest a saint , who liued a beast . If that a spleening minde , and storming race , should countermure my furious swelling brayne , And with a wounding ire bedawbe my face , to make my pen depaint thy mischeiues vaine , t would make thee swere in a reuenging fire , whole do it as well , as any in Linconshire , Oh that grosse pates whose reasons stampt in sinne , should fetter goodnes with vncurbed shame , With vnresisted yeelding to let in , the shamefull shew of a loose gouernd name , this therefore shall remayne my last aduice , loue faire incountred vertue , and hate vice . Roome , roome , my maisters , for a lethern pelt , tapster six pots ? here Tom , hers three for thee , Since thou hast challengd me , i le make my belt , breake out her bounds ere we part company . charge & discharge ( for wee le drink for the heauens , ) till one or both purchase the feeld vneuen . A health to my mistris ( downe on thy maribones ) oh prophand name common in euery mouth , Who would erect good phrases , when such ones as Coblers , tapsters , waterbearers route , who with their rotten-lisping-stumpes vnsould , what gentlemen for their due customes hould . Each rustie sect of base artificers , will rob their base hides with the brauest showe , And pitch their pleasures seate as high , as theirs , who triumph in the cost-fantastick hew : for their presumptions this aledge they can , when Adam digd who was a gentleman . Poore-tankard-slaues ? who think them selues as great , whose prest-downe-backes continuall weight inures , Whose grunting labour , for a peny sweats , whose halfe houres toile one moment but indures . yet do they in as sweete contentment rest , and spend and drinke Tobacco with the best . Let a new fashion once come starting in , they with an open sent deuoure the pray , Their ragged ioynts though freese , whose open skinne , feeles no could-icy stormes in winters dayes , they retchlesse stand so they may haue ther swaie , though their benummed corps with could decay . The land Lord with a base deienerate shifte , to paint his carcasse rackes his tenants rent , Sinke in their downfall , ( so he get a lift ) he wayes not their vndoing languishment , their backes be gaye , their minds though lothsome be , silke robes dismember hospitalitie . A lasse who nameth hospitalitie , hee s banisht for returning to our clime , When hospitali's scorne desteind penurie , and egent cripples swagger with the time ; this worlds faire-countred vice is so alowd , base beggers lustie , stearne controwlers prowd . Now lustfull youth with a bard swelting crye , pursues his eager-burning-fire of lust , Fostring his held fast clogge of crueltie , to gayne a remnant-limit , which he must , needs circumuent , for whosoere denies , his wrath will butcher , parents or dearest allies If that his minde stand to a lothsome soule , whose dowrie's but an ounce of durtines , His base-ingendred minde without comptrowle , must shrowd impression of his beastlines . or els grace-hating vice will clip him shorte , intoumbing sage aduice , which should dehorte , When shallow purchase of a broken stile , shall shipp a shifting name to worthines , Whose sensuall mischeifes rubisht with a file , of fond-vaine glorie , hides his scuruines , what must this sensuall affectation yeeld , when vertue hateth shame , shame wins the field . What hath he got , a Moore , his mind 's content , what hath he wonne , a whore , his humor 's pleased , What hath he lost , his parents , t was his consent , whome did he hate , his friends , his hart is eased , let his deep-swallowing sins think of this cheare , doomes day will come , & then his woes appeare . Our youthfull mindes , is like a poysoned glasse , which being broken by some casuall meanes , A stander by ( which fayne would bring to passe reiunction of the losse : those poysned streames , impartiall eyther to his foe or friend , wil woork his senceles baine which sought amend . Let vs beware least that our customd sinne , which the true gospell long hath couered , Be not erepted , and our shame beginne . to staine our mindes , ( which long hath houered ) and Gods iust frowne on our lewd corps be seene taking the gospell , and our gratious Queene . FINIS .