You did meane some disgrace in the 8 letter afore the booke and in many passages of the booke it selfe , to Ladies and Gentlewemen . Who I ? God damne me if I loue them not , I feare more to be damned for louing them too well .

You did thinke to scoffe at some Gentlemen 9 that haue serued in some honorable seruices , though with no great good successe . As Iam a Gentleman not guilty : neither do I meane any , but such as will needs be called M. Captains , hauing neither caried out with them , not brought home with them , worth , wealth , or wit .

You did seeke to discredit the honest 10 meaning & laudable endeuours of some zealous & honest men , that seeke for reformation , & labour faithfully & fruitfully in the word . To this in all & euerie not guiltie , prouided they rayle not against bishops nor against the Communion book .

You did intend some scorne to great 11 Magistrats & men in authority , either aliue or deceassed , vnder couert names to couer som knauery . Knauery ? no as God Iudge me my Lord , not guiltie , the good yeare of all the knauerie and knaues to for me . By whom will you be tryed ? By the Queene and the Ladies , by the Counsell and the Lordes . What sawcie younker will not meaner tryall serue you ? No good faith my Lord , I loued alwayes to be the worst of the companie .

Well sirra this is the Iudgement of the Court , that because there is hope you may prooue a wiser man hereafter , and that you haue some better friendes then you are worthie of , you shall haue this fauour ; if the indiment happen to be found , you shall trauers it , and you shall chuse xij . free holders bonos & legales homines , that shal enquire of the qualitie of your discourse , and bring in their verdict quindena Paschae & if they find you guilty , you shall haue a hole bored in your eare . What to do ? to weare my Mrs. fauour at ? Now , God saue your Mrs. life my Lord . Clarcke of the peace draw his endytement vpon the foure last articles that he denied , & vpon the Statute of Scandala , for I tel you Anno 1. 2. Ph. M. Cap. 3. Anno. 23. Elis. Cap. 2. we must teach you to learne the lawes of the Realme , as well as your rules of Poetrie . Lawes ? I trow I haue the law at my fingers endes .

Wherefore you shall find I will keepe me safe enough from scandaling . And if you do , it is the better for you .

What is your name ? Misacmos . What it is a Welche name I thincke ? of whence do you write your selfe ? Misacmos of Carnaruan Gentleman . Who made you of Carnaruan ? She that made you of England . Well you shall fare neuer the worse for that , but looke to the answering I meane no Lawyer of our time , but one that Martiall speakes of . of your endytement I aduise you . What must I haue no counsell ? Straight a bigge fellow with a beggin on his head , and his gowne of of one shoulder , cryes no , the Queene is a partie . But I had rather your gown were of the other , shoulder & your head after , then you should make her a partie against me , & yet as ill as I loue you , I wold my second sonne had chaunged possibillities with your eldest for a thing that I know , and thus after a few wrangling wordes , me thought the Court rose for that time , and suddenly my man came busling into my chamber and told me , that all the Gentlemen that had bene riding on the heath were come backe againe , and that it was neare xi . of the clocke , and straight I called for my sute of Abrizetta , and made all the hast I could to make me readie , not so much as tarying to say my prayers , least I might not come time enough to the peace of God at the closet , and so I might be in daunger to loose my dynner .

But hauing somewhat better ponderd with my selfe this foresaid fancie , I was somewhat troubled with it , not so much for those hanging Metaphors , for as a good Knight of our country sayd , gogs soule sirs , the best Gentleman of vs all need not forsweare hanging , but that I thought that my Genius hereby presaged to me some perill to my reputation , of the sundrie sensures I should incurre by letting such a Pamphlet fly abroad at such a time , when euerie thing is taken at the volley , and therefore I held it not vnnecessarie , as much as in me lay , to keep it from the view and censure of all such as were like to deride it , despise it , or disgrace it , and to recommend it onely to all such as I thought wold allow it & approue it . For to confesse the truth frankly to you my good cosins 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 , I desire not altogether to haue it concealed , least som hungrie promoting fellowes should beg it as a concealement , and begge the autor also , for writing a thing that he were ashamed to shew , but if I might gouerne the matter as I would , I would generallie recommend it only to such as haue houses and families of their own . For I remember I haue read of a certaine king of the Lacedemonians , that being one day priuat in his garden , was teaching one of his sonnes of fiue yeares old to ride on a sticke , and vnawares a great Ambassadour came to speake with him , & found him in the manner : at which , both the king , and the Ambassadour in the kings behalfe began to blush at first ; but soone after , the king put away the blush , & the hobbie horse together , and with a pretty smile asked the Ambassadour , if he had any litle children of his owne ? He answered no. Then said he , I pray you tell not what you found me doing , till you haue some litle ones of your owne , and then tell it , and spare not .

For euen so , I would request men to forbeare reading of this discourse , or at least reprouing of it ; till they had of their owne that , that would make them know the commoditie and cleanlynesse of it , & for those that will not , I would but wish them ( as Martiall wishes to Charinus . Quid imprecabor ô seuere Liuenti . Opto Mulos habeat & suburbanum ) so I would , they could ride on their footcloth , and had a house , and A IAX of their owne . Yet surely it may be , it were the wisest way to show it to none at all , and so I halfe wish sometimes , but because euerie generall rule must haue his exception , you shall see whom I would be content both the discourse , and the deuise may be shewed vnto .

First to a good and iudicious scholer , 1 for he will reade it , eare he will iudge of Directions for shewing the booke . it , and say omnia probate ; & then perhaps after he hath read it , he will smile , and say it is some young schollers worke , that would haue shewed more wit if he had had it ; but it is well , ridentem dicere verum quis vetat , &c: and then he wil say , it were good , some of his friends would aduise him to spend his talent , and his time on some better subiect . But some supercilious fellow , or some stale scribe , that thinke men will not iudge them to be learned , except they finde faults ; they will sweare , a man would haue written as well , that had read but Marcus Aurelius .

Secondly , I would haue it shewed to a 2 housekeeper , that hath much resort to him , for it were not onely a deede of charitie to helpe such a one , but a sinne to hide it from him ; for else he may picke a quarrell ( and say ) that this same companie hath so stencht vp his house , that he A common excuse of such as breake vp house . must be forced to lye at London , till his house be made sweeter .

Thirdly , if one be a builder and no 3 house-keeper , let him see it to , for he loues to haue all fine for his heire ; and perhaps I would be content for the loue I haue had to that humour , that my master his sonne , were maried to his mistres my daughter ; as Heywood saith of a lustie old widower that woed a young woman , and boasting how well he would prouide for his sonne . In a short tale , when his long tale was don : She pray'd him go home & send her his son .

But if one be a builder , & a housekeeper both ; then I will come home to his house to him , I will reade him a lecture of it , I will instruct his workeman , I will giue him plots and models , and do him all the seruice I can : for that is a man of my own humor , & a good common wealths-man ; but yet I will giue him a caueat in his eare , that I learned of Sir Thomas More , if his purse be not well furnisht .

Aedificare domos multas , & pascere multos , est ad pauperiem , semita laxa nimis .

The way from wealth , and store , to want , and neede ,

Is much to build , and many mouthes to feed .

Fourthly , if you would know whether 4 you should show it to Ladies ? Yea in any wise to all maner of Ladies , of the Court , of the country , of the City , great Ladies , lesser Ladies , learned ignorant , wise simple , fowle welfauoured , ( painted vnpainted ) so they be Ladies , you may boldly pre fer it to them . For your milkmayds , & country housewiues , may walke to the woods to gather strawberies , &c. But greater states cannot do so ; & therfore for them it is a commoditie more than I will speake of , yet for a touch vpon this point , make me but a good ryme to this line after dinner . Within yon tower , there is a flower , that holds my hart .

Howbeit , you must not show it after one fashion to all , but to the wise and sober , after a plaine fashion ; to the wanton and waggish , after another fashion ; as namely , if they cry ( fie for shame ) when they heare the title read , or such like ; do but you say ( for company ) that it is a mad fantasticall booke indeed , and when you haue done hide it away , but where they may finde it , and by the next day , they wil be as cunning in it as you : for this is not the first time that I haue said of such a kinde of booke . In Brutus presence , Lucrece will refuse it , Let him but turne his backe , and sh'ill peruse it .

Fiftly , you may shew it to all amorous young youthes , that wil scratch their head but with one finger at once ( as Cato noted of Caesar ) and had rather be noted of three disorders in their liues , then of one in their lockes ; and specially if they be so cleanely , that they will not eat pottage ( no not alone ) but that they will wipe their spone betweene euerie spone-full , for feare least their vpper lip should infect the neither : for I would thinke certainly , that such a one , if he be so cleanly as he would seeme to be , would make great account of A IAX so well reformed . But yet the world is so full of dissimulation , and hypocrisie , that we of the plainer sort may be easily deceiued ; for I heard of one the last day , in a towne a hundred myle from London , that had engrossed all the fine fashions into his handes ; of the curling , perfuming , wyping the spone , &c: and yet after all this cleanlynesse , went to as common , and as deformed A IAX of the feminine gender , as any was in the towne , and then alas , what will such a one care for my deuice . Lastly , I would haue it shewed to all good fat corpulent men , that carry with them a writ of Corpus cum causa , for Prayse 〈◊〉 fat men . they are commonly the best natured men that be ; without fraud , without trecherie , as Caesar said of Anthonie , and Dolobella , that he neuer mistrusted them for any practise , because he saw they were fat , but rather Casca and Cassius , that were leane hollow fellowes , and cared not for a good dinner : And therefore I would be censured by those good fellowes that haue lesse gall , and the rather , because I looke euery day for presse money from the Captaine , to be imployed in the conquest of that country , and this engyn of Lubbet land . mine is like to be in great request for those seruices . But me thinkes , you may say that here is a maruellous restraint made of showing this discourse of mine ; not much vnlike to our stage keepers in Cambridge , that for feare least they should want companie to see their Comedies , go vp and downe with vizers , and lights , puffing and thrusting & keeping out all men so precisely ; till all the towne is drawne by this reuell to the place ; and at last , tag and rag , fresh men and subsizers , & all be packt in together , so thicke , as now is scant left roome for the Prologue , to come vpon the stage : for so you may suppose , that I would barre all from this Pamphlet of mine , saue those , that can write , or read , or vnderstand . But if you take it thus , you do much mistake it ; for there be diuers from whom I would keepe it , as I would from fire and water , as for example .

First , from a passing proud fellow , such 1 a one as Naaman the Syrian , that would Foure sortes of men , that disdaine to wash in Iordan , though it would cure him of the Leprosie , or the will mislike of the bo 〈…〉 pox ; & to such for my part , I would wish they might lay all in their gold breeches , rather then to abase their high conceits , so much , as to thinke vpon poore Master A IAX .

Secondly , from all manner of fooles 2 and iesters , whether they be artificiall , or naturall ; for these be so dull ; they cannot tast the salt , in a peece of well powdred writing ; and those be so tart , they will rather loose a friend than a iest : yet if their railing were allaide a litle , with the two excellent vertues , of flattring , and begging ; one might hope for some kindnesse at their hands .

Thirdly , if you spie a fellow with a bay 3 leafe in his mouth , auoyd him , for he carieth a thing about him worse then Maister A IAX , that all the deuises we haue cannot reforme .

Fourthly , if you see a stale leane hungrie 4 poore beggerly thridbare Kaualliero , like to Lazorelloes maister , that when he dined at his owne house , came foorth with more crummes of bread on his beard , then in his belly , and that being descended of diuerse Nobilities , wil do a meane gentleman the honour to borow ten shillings of him : shew it not him , for though he can say nothing against it , yet he will leere vnder his hat , as though he could speake more then he thinkes : For such a one that mak's not a good meale at home once in a moneth , hath not a good stoole aboue once in a weeke , and then he will neuer say vs Gramercie for it : and this I may say to you , is a consideration of no small importance , for though I must acknowledge , that is not one of the meritorious workes ▪ I looke to be saued by , yet to haue a prayer or two from some , that perhaps neuer say prayer any where else , would do me no hurt , nor them neither . And me thinke I might much better deserue a kn-aue Mery to be said for me , where my stately A IAX is admitted , & standes men in steed ; then he , for whose soule the young Gentleman , the first time he consumated his mariage with his wife , said a Pater noster ; and being asked for whom he prayed , he told his wife , it was for his soule that had taken the paines to make his way , so easie for him . Oh Sir said she , it is a signe you haue trauelled such wayes more then an honest man should haue done that you are so cunning , and so they became good friendes . But ware ryot hoe , whither am I running ? I said I would keepe me from scandaling , but if I stop not betime , some will thinke to haue their action in the case against me ; yet it is good to cast the worst . Suppose that for my bad indyting I should be indyted , as it is twentie to one but if the graund Iurie were packt by a bad Shiriffe , out of those foure last mentioned sutes Proud Fooles Beggers . ( and of three of them , you shall haue a full apparaunce in most Courts of Christendome ) they will sure say billa vera , though they should say of right nothing but ignoramus . But see see , euen with thinking of it I fall againe into my former melancholie , me thinke the indytement is found , I am arraigned , I plead not guiltie , I would still be tryed by the Nobilitie , by such as build stately pallaces and keepe great Courts , but it will not be graunted me , I must haue none but freeholders ; I chaffe at it , and would appeale ; they cry it is not the course of the common law , I praise the Ciuill law ; for there a man may hold play with appealing , if he haue a litle idle money to spend , three or foure yeare . At last comes the litle dapper fellow my honest Atturney , that knew better the course of these matters then I did , and he roundes me in the eare , and tells me that for fortie shillings to Maister high Shiriffes man that weares the russet sattin doublet , and the yellow silke stockings , he will vndertake , I shall haue a Iurie of good freeholders : but for the Nobilitie it is out of their commission ; & Sir ( saith he ) what need you to stand so much on the Nobilitie , considering you desire to haue none , but great housekeepers , and builders ? For suppose you could get 3. or foure to appeare . One at Petworth , an other hard by , there at Coudrey ( where in the old Vicounts time Iupiter hospitales is said to haue dwelt ) and the young Lord I heare doth patry sare , or rather I should say Auisare , ( and that is a good word , if he will marke it . ) Say also another dwelt at Ragland in Monmouth shire , where I heard a good Knight of Glostershire affirme , the most honorable house of that Realme was kept : & a fourth at Nonesuch , where the house-keeper for true English Noblesse and honour , deserues the name , better then the house . But when you shal thinke to make vp the Tales , where wil you haue them ? some will be non est inuentus in baliua , some that you loue best , will not be perhaps intra quatuor maria ; wherefore the Iudge was your friend more then you were aware , that giues you choise of freeholders .

Beleeue me ( said I ) I thinke it is so in deede , hold thee my litle dappert knaue , there is fortie shillings for Maister Shiriffes man , to buy him another paire of silke stockings , and there is fortie pence Wooden stockes were fitter for them then silke stockings . for thy good counsell , and see you finde me a Iurie of substantiall free-holders , that are good house-keepers to trie my honestie by . He goeth and ere an Ape can cracke a nut ( as they say ) he brings the names , and Maister Cryer he comes twentie shillings in his shoes , and cals them though he be sure they cannot heare him . As followeth .

Iohn Harington of Exton , in the Countie of Rutland Knight , aliâs Iohn Har: 1 of Burleigh , in the Countie aforesaid , aliâs of Combe , in the Countie of Warwick , aliâs of Ooston , in the Countie of Leicester ; come into the Court , or else , &c. Hath he free hold ? Yea he is a pretie free-holder in all these shires : Moreouer saith a third man , though he be a free-holder ; yet he hath maried his daughter to one , that for a grandfather , for a father , for two vncles , & three or foure auntes , may compare with most men in England . Lastly a fourth said , & foure hundred confirme it , that he relieues many poore , & sets them to worke ; he builds not onelie his own houses , but Colledges , and Hospitals . Mary Sir , then shall he be foreman of my Iurie with all my verie hart , a builder and a house-keeper both , you cannot deuise to please me better . I would there were a decem tales in euerie shire in England , & on that condition , I would be glad to be one of them . Well , what haue you to say to Sir Iohn Harington ? Mary this . Here is one Misacmos , that is accused by some diligent officers and good But enquire what the good Lord of Bedford called them . seruants of the state , to be a writer of fantasticall Pamphlets , to corrupt manners ; the same suspected of diuers vntruthes , and treasons , not sparing the Maiesties of Kings , and great Emperours ( saying one was a cuckold and a foole , an other had an ill face , as in the Pamphlet it selfe more plainly appeareth ) now because it seemes he is a Gentleman , and of reasonable good breeding ; he craues to be tried by a substantiall Iurie , of which , for many respectes , he will haue you to be the forman . He pleads to all the principall matters not guiltie , and iustifies , that those things they call vntruth , and treason , are truth , and reason . He is to be tried , by God and country , which country you are , wherefore your charge is ( if it please you ) to read the whole Treatise at your leasure , and then to say how you like it . He saith further , he cares not to haue you sworne , because your word will be taken for a greater matter then this , by ten thousand pounds without oth . Iurie Harington .

Who is next ? Sir Iohn Peeter of ●●●● Thorneden 2 in the Countie of Essex Knight , a good house-keeper , and a builder both . Hath he free hold ? Yea so so , I thinke he may we are veluet and sattin , by the Statute of ( 4. & 5. Phil. Ma. ) for he may dispend twentie markes a yeare vltra reprisas . Well , because he is a builder and a house-keeper , I hope he will not deny me to be of my Iurie . The same charge , &c: that Sir Iohn Harington tooke you , &c: and so long may you keepe a good house . Iurie Peeter .

Sir Iohn Spenser Knight , a good substantiall free-holder in Northampton 3 shire , and a good house-keeper , and so was the father afore him : Oh I remember him , he had a poore neighbour once dwelt at Holmeby , that made foure verses if I haue not forgot them , were fortie shillings out of his way . Erupuit sors dura mihi , sors alter a reddit , Haec loca quae veteri , rudere structa vides : Aeternos viuat , Magna Elisabetha ꝑ annos , Quae me tam grato , laeta fauore beat .

By S. Mary he had good cause to say , well fare a good Mistresse , or else Holmby had bin ioyned to your freehold . How say you worthy Knight ( & the best man There were Earles of the Spensers . of your name that is , but not that hath bene ) will you be of our Iurie ? You will say you know not this same Misacmos . It may be so verie well ; for I thinke the fellow doth scarce know him selfe at this instant , and yet he learned 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 twentie yeares ago . Well , I presume you will not refuse it : for though you neuer heard of him , it seemes he hath heard of you . I will tell you two or three good tokens , you haue three or foure sisters , good well fauored , well featured , wel statured , well natured women , for plaine country wenches ; and they were maried to men , a step , or two , or three , or foure , aboue the best yeoman of Kent ( wel fare all good tokens ) and one of them is a widow , I beshrow their harts , & I would their wiues were widowes that made her so . I trow it was Sir Iames Harington , and your father , that went a begging to make a purse to marie their daughters ; but you will make a hundred of vs go a begging , if we should follow you : will you haue any more tokens yet ? you had a brother of Lincolnes Inne ; and an other they say keepes a good house , for I weene the best house-keeper in England was at his house ; yet one token more , you haue a learned writer of your name , make much of him , for it is not the least honour of your honorable familie . Iurie Spencer .

Thomas Stanop Knight , of Shelford in the Countie of Notingham a house-keeper , 4 a builder , a substantiall freeholder , come into the Court . Alasse Sir he is lame he cannot come . Is he so indeed ? I am sory for it : I haue heard that he hath borne some sway in his country , yet bid him not forget the old prouerbe , a good friend in the Court , is worth a penie in the purse at all times . Well , if he cannot come let vs haue an other . Oh Sir ( saith one ) stay but a Pater noster while , and you may haue his sonne in his place . What ( Maister Iohn Stanop my old Schoole-fellow , an honest & valiant Gentleman ) I will tarrie for him with all my hart . To the next .

Mathew Arundell Knight , of Warder 5 in the Countie of Wiltshire a good freeholder , and a builder . Tush he is no housekeeper , so said one that dwels three score myle to Trent Northward . Is it so ? I will know within this moneth , if it be so or no ; In the meane season , I will venter to take him if I can meet with him . For first I doubt , if he him selfe that said so , haue spent so much in honorable seruices as this freeholders sonne hath done . Secondly , I haue seene both Lords , and Ladies , as well intertained in his poore house , and serued in as fine plate , and Porslin , as any is in the North. And admit he were no housekeeper , yet I would haue him , because I heare he is a good horsekeeper , a red deare keeper , a fallow Horse-keeper . deare keeper , and other such base things , as may enable him for my Iurie . Come on old father Peleus , he lookes like Prester Iohn in his furred night cap ; but he hath more wit vnder that cap , then two or three of his neighbours . Will it please you Sir , to be of our Iurie ? It shall cost the life of one of the bald faced buckes else . What are you angry , I call you Peleus ? If I were but an other Promotheus , I would sweare your fortune should be ; to be like Peleus : for the time was , that one wrate of your Thetis , when she waited on Diana at Hatfield . Who marketh well her grace , thereby may plainly see , A Laura in her face ; and not a willoughbee .