A Preparatiue to certaine larger Discourses , intituled NASHES S. FAME .

I Was euer vnwilling to vndertake any enterprise , that was vnmeete for me ; or to play any part , either in earnest , or in iest , that might ill-beseeme me : and neuer more vnwilling then at this instant , when I must needes do it , or put something in hazard , that I would be loth to commit to the curtesie of aduenture . Not because my Confuters swordes , or my enemies daggers carry any credite with the wise ; or because my Letters feare any discredite with the honest ; or because I cannot abide to be confuted , that dayly confute my selfe , and condemne euery mine owne default with rigour : but because Silence may seeme suspicious to many ; Patience contemptible to some ; A good minde , A bad hart to those , that value all by courage ; A knowne forbearer of Libellers , A continuall bearer of coales ; and there is no end of abuses vpon abuses , of iniuries vpon iniuries , of contempt vpon contempt , where presumptuous Impudency , and odious Slaunder , the two errantest vagabonds in the world , may safeconduct themselues , and franckely passe vncontrolled . Yet were that , either all , or the worst of all , I could still vow Silence in brawles , and would still professe Patience in wronges : ( I hate brawles with my hart : and can turne-ouer A volume of wronges with a wett finger : ) but some cunning men , that carry hoony in their mouthes , and gall in their hartes , not so sweete in the Premisses , as bitter in the Conclusion , can smoothly , and finely descant vpon the least aduantage , howsoeuer iniurious : and certaine pretty Experiences , by way of sensible instruction , haue taught some , that Malice was neuer such an hypocrite , as now ; and the world neuer such a Scoggin , as now ; & the Diuell neuer such a knaue , as now : & what a desperate dissolutenesse were it in him , that regardeth his good name , to abandon himselfe , or to relinquish the deerest thing in this life , ( I know no deerer thing , then honest credite ) to the fauour of Enuy , or to the discretion of Fortune ? Gentlemen , he is hardly bestead for a Patrone , that relyeth on the tuition of Enuy , or reposeth his affiance in the protection of Fortune : and he must not take it vnkindely , to bee forsaken of other by the way , that forsaketh himselfe in the way . Euen he that loueth not to be his owne defender , much lesse his owne prayser , ( do him no wrong , my Masters , though ye doe him no right ) yet hateth to be his owne traytor : and hath reason to experimente some rounde conclusions , before hee offer his throte to the blade of villany , or his forhead to the brand of diffamation . And although he be the subiect of his own contempt , and the argument of his owne Satyres : ( surely no man lesse doteth vpon himselfe , or more seuerely censureth his own imperfections : ) yet he in some respects disdayneth to be reuiled by the abiects of the world . Whose dispraise in some age were a commendation , and whose praise an inuectiue : but this is a queint world , and needeth no Aprill showers , to furnish May-games . I protest , I haue these many yeeres , not in pride , but in iudgement , scorned , to appeere in the rancke of this scribling generation : and could not haue bene hired with a great fee , to publish any Pamflet of whatsoeuer nature , in mine owne name , had I not bene intollerably prouoked , first by one rakehell , and now by an other , the two impudentest mates , that euer haunted the presse : ( some haue called them knaues in grose : I haue found them fooles in retayle : ) but when it came to this desperate point , that I must needes either bee a base writer , or a vile Asse in printe , the lesse of the two euils was to be chosen : and I compelled rather to alter my resolution for a time , then to preiudice my selfe for euer . They that list may feede at the manger with the sonnes of the Mule : it is an other Table-Philosophy , that I fansie . Howbeit amongst all the misfortunes , that euer happened vnto me , I account it my greatest affliction , that I am constrained to busy my penne , without ground , or substance of discourse , meete for an actiue and industrious world . Euery man hath his crosses in one accident , or other : but I know not a greeuousser persecution , then a base employment of precious time , necessarily enforced . Other crosses may someway edifie : this is a plague without remedy ; a torment without end ; a hell without redemption . As in the course of my study , it was allwayes my reckoning ; He looseth nothing , whatsoeuer he loseth , that gaineth Time : so in the taske of my writing , or other exercise , it is my account ; He gayneth nothing , whatsoeuer he gayneth , that looseth Time . A good matter , deliuered in good manner , winneth some estimation with good mindes : but no manner sufficient to countenance a contemptible Theame : & a rascall subiect abaseth any forme : or what hath drowned the memory of the trimmest , and daintiest trifles , that fine conceit hath deuised ? Were it mine owne election , I might worthily incurre many reproofes , and iustly impute them to my simple choyce : but Necessity hath as little free-will , as Law ; and compelleth like a Tyrant , where it cannot perswade , like an Oratour , or aduise like a Counsellour . Any Vertue , an honourable Commonplace , and a flourishing braunch of an heauenly tree : Politique , and militar affaires , the worthiest matters of consultation , and the two Herculean pillers of noble states : the priuate liues of excellent personages in sondry courses , and the publike actions of puissant nations in sondry gouernementes , shining mirrours of notable vse for the present time , and future ages . Were it at my appointment , to dispose freely of mine owne howers : O how willingly , and cheerefully could I spend the freshest & deerest part of my life , in such argumentes of valour ? Learninge is a goodly and gallant Creature in many partes : & diuers members of that beautifull body vpbraide the most-exquisite penne , and most-curious pencill of insufficiency : no diligence too-much , where no labour inough : the fruitefullest sciences require painefullest industry , and some liuely principles would be touched to the quicke : whatsoeuer booke-case , or scholepoint is found by experience to be essentiall , and practicable in the world , deserueth to be discussed with sharpe inuention , and sound iudgement . I could yet take pleasure , and proffite , in canuassing some Problems of naturall Philosophy , of the Mathematiques , of Geography , and Hydrography , of other commodious experimentes , fit to aduaunce many valorous actions : and I would vppon mine owne charges , trauaile into any parte of Europe , to heare some pregnant Paradoxes , and certaine singular questions in the highest professions of Learning , in Physick , in Law , in Diuinity , effectually and thoroughly disputed pro , & contra : and would thinke my trauaile as aduauntageously bestowed to some purposes of importance , as they that haue aduenturously discouered new-found Landes , or brauely surprized Indies . What conferences , or disputations , what Parliaments , or Councels , like those , that deliberate vpon the best gouernement of Commonwealthes , and the best discipline of Churches ; the dubble anchor of the mighty shipp , and the two great Luminaries of the world ? Other extrauagant discourses , not materiall , or quarrelous contentions , not auaileable , are but wastinge of winde , or blotting of paper . What should Exercise , or studdy , burne the Sunne , or the candle in vaine ? or what should I doe against my selfe , in speakinge for my selfe , if outward respectes did not inwardly gripe , and a present exigence lay violent handes vpon me ? Though extremity be powerable , yet an vnwilling will is excusable . Philosophers , and Lawyers can best argue the case of inuoluntary actes : but what so forcible , as compulsion : or so pardonable , as a passiue action ? Blame him not , or blame him gently , that would be a little loth , to be dieted at the racke of the old Asse , or to be bitten of the young dog . He is no party in the cause , that pleadeth thus against Aristogiton . Sweet Gentlemen , imagine it to be a speech , addressed vnto your selues . Peraduenture the viper did neuer bite any of you ; and the Gods forbid , it should euer bite you : but when you espie any such pernicious creature , you presently dispatch it : in like manner when you behold a Sycophant , and a man of a viperous nature , looke not till he hath bitten some of you , but so soone as he starteth-vp , pull him downe . And againe in an other place of the same sententious , and politique Oration : Hee that mainetayneth a Sycophant , is by nature and kinde an ennemy of the good : vnlesse some-body imagine , that the seede and roote of a naughty Sycophant ought to remaine in the Citty , as it were for store , or good husbandry . Demosthenes was as deepely wise , as highly eloquent : and hath many such notable sentences , as it were Caueats , or Prouisoes , against the daungerous ennemies of that flourishing Citty , and especially against Calumniatours , whose viperous sting hee could by no meanes avoide : albeit otherwise such an Oratour , as could allure heartes with perswasion , or coniure mindes with astonishment . I would no other Citty loued figges : or must an other Citty of necessity loue figges , because it is growne an other Athens , a mother of eloquence , a nurse of learning , a grandame of valour , a seat of honor , and as Aristotle termed Athens , a garden of Alcinous , wherein one fruite ripeneth vpon an other , one peare vppon an other , one grape vpon an other , and one figge vppon an other . The Sycophant be his owne interpreter : & if he may be licensed , or permitted to bee his owne caruer too , much good may it doe him , and sweete digestion geue him ioy of his dainety figg . I must haue a little care of one , that cannot easily brucke vnreasonable sawcinesse : & would be loth to see the garden of Alcinous made the garden of Greene , or Motley . It was wont to be said by way of a Prouerbe ; Hee that will be made a sheepe , shall find wolues inough : but forsooth this exceeding-wise world , is a great Asse-maker : and he that will suffer himselfe to be proclaimed an Asse in printe , shall bee sure neuer to want loade and loade inough . Who so ready to call her neighbour , a skold , as the rankest skold of the parish : or who so forward to accuse , to debase , to reuile , to crow-treade an other , as the arrantest fellow in a country ? Let his owne mouth be his pasport , or his owne penne his warrant : & who so leawd as his greatest aduersary , modesty : or so honest , as his deerest frend , villany : or so learned , as his learnedest counsell , vanity : or so wise , as his profoundest Autor , young Apuleius . What familiar spirite of the Ayre , or fire , like the glibb , & nimble witt of young Apuleius ? or where is the Eloquence , that should describe the particular perfections of young Apuleius ? Prudence , may borrow , discretion ; Logique , arguments ; Rhetorique , coulours ; Phantasy , conceites ; Steele , an edge ; and Gold , a luster , of young Apuleius . O the rare , and queint Inuention , ô the gallant , and gorgeous Elocution : ô the braue , and admirable amplifications : ó the artificiall , and fine extenuations : ô the liuely pourtraitures of egregious prayses , and disprayses : ô the cunning , and straunge mingle-mangles : ô the pithy iestes , and maruelous girdes of yong Apuleius : the very prodigality of Art , and Nature . What greater impossibility , then to decipher the high , and mighty stile of young Apuleius , without a liberall portion of the same eleuate spirite ? Happy the old father , that begat ; and thrise happy the sweete Muses , that suckled , and fostered young Apuleius . Till Admiration hath found-out a smoother , and tricksier quill for the purpose : Desire must be content to leaue the supple and tidy constitution of his omni-sufficient Witt , vndisplayed . Onely it becommeth gentle mindes to yeeld themselues thanckefull ; and to tender their bounden duety to that inestimable pearle of Eloquence , for this precious glimze of his incomprehensible valour ; one shorte Maxime , but more worth , then all the Axioms of Aristotle ; or the Idees of Plato ; or the Aphorismes of Hippocrates ; or the Paragraphes of luftinian . He knoweth not to manage his penne , that was not born with an Affe in his mouth ; a foole in his throate ; and a knaue in his whole body . Simple men may write against other , or pleade for themselues : but they cannot confute cuttingly , like a hackster of Queen-Hith , or bellow lustely , like the foreman of the Heard . I goe not about to discouer an Asse in an Oxes hide : hee needeth no other to pull him by the famous eares , that is so hasty to descry , and so busy to bestirre his wisest partes . but what a notable Asse indeede was I , that sought the winges of a mounting Pegasus , or a stying Phenix , where I found the head , & feete of a braying creature ? Some promises , are desperate debtes : and many threatninges , empty cloudes ; or rather armies fighting in the ayre , terrible visions . Simplicity cannot dubble : and plaine dealing will not dissemble . I looked either for a fine-witted man , as quicke as quick-siluer , that with a nimble dexterity of liuely conceite , and exquisite secretaryship , would out-runne mee many hundred miles in the course of his dainty deuises ; a delicate minion : or some terrible bombarder of tearmes , as wilde as wildfire , that at the first flash of his fury , would leaue me thunder-stricken vpon the ground , or at the last volley of his outrage , would batter me to dust , and ashes . A redoubted aduersary . But the trimine silke-worme , I looked-for , ( as it were in a proper contempt of common finenesse ) prooueth but a silly glow-woorme : and the dreadfull enginer of phrases , in steede of thunderboltes , shooteth nothing but dogboltes , and catboltes , and the homeliest boltes of rude folly . Such arrant confuting stuffe , as neuer print saw compiled together , till ma●…ster Villany became an Autor ; and Sir Nash a gentleman . Printers , take hede how ye play the Heralds : some lusty gentlemen of the maker , can no sooner bare a Goose-quill , or a Woodcockes seather in their shield , but they are like the renowmed Lobbelinus , when hee had gotten a new coate : and take vpon them , without pitty , or mercy , like the onely Lordes of the field . If euer Esquier raued with conceit of his new Armes , it is Danters gentleman : that mightily despiseth , whatsoeuer hee beholdeth from the high turret of his creast , and cranckly spitteth vppon the heads of some , that were not greatly acquaynted with such familiar enterteinement . His best frende , be his Iudge : and I appeale to my worst ennemy , whether he euer read a more pestilent example of prostituted Impudency ? Were hee not a kinseman of the foresayd viper , a Dog in malice , a Calfe in witt , an Oxe in learning , and an Asse in discretion : ( time shall cronicle him , as he is : ) was it possible , that any man should haue bestowed some broad , and loud tearmes , as he hath done ? Who could abide it , without actuall reuenge , but hee , that enterteineth spite with a smile , maketh a pastime of Straunge Newes ; turneth choler into sanguine , vineger into wine , vexation into sport ; and hath a salue for a greater sore ?

Come young Sophisters , you that affecte raylinge in your disputations , and with a clamorous howte would set the Philosophy schooles non plus : come olde cutters , you that vse to make dowty frayes in the streetes , and would hack-it terribly : come hee-and shee-scoldes , you that loue to pleade-it-out inuincibly at the barre of the dunghill , & will rather loose your liues , then the last word : come busy commotioners , you that carry a world of quarrelous wits , and mutinous tounges in your heads : come most-redowted Momus , you that will sternely keepe heauen , and earth in awe : come running heads , and giddy pennes of all humours , you that daunce attendance vpon oddest fashions ; and learne a perfect methode , to passe other , and to excell your selues : such a new-deuised modell , as neuer saw Sun before , & may make the gayest mold of antiquity to blush . Old Archilochus , and Theon , were but botchers in their rayling faculty : Stesichorus , but a grose bungler : Aristarchus but a curious , and nice foole : Aristophanes and Lucian , but merry iesters : Ibis against Ouid ; Meuius against Horace ; Carbilius Pictor against Virgill ; Lauinius against Terence ; Crateua against Euripides ; Zoilus against Homer , but rancke fowters . Salust did but dally with Tully : Demades but toy with Demosthenes : Pericles but sporte with Thucy dides , and so foorth . For examples are infinite ; and no exercise more auncient , then Iambiques amongst Poetes ; Inuectiues amongst Oratours ; Confutations amongst Philosophers ; Satyres amongst Carpers ; Libels amongst factioners ; Pasquils amongst Malcontentes ; and quarrells amongst all . But the Olde Age was an Infante in Witt , and a Grammer Scholler in Arte : Lucians Rhetor , neuer so brauely furnished , will be heard with an Eccho : Iulian will rattle Christendome : Arrius will shake the Church : Macchiauell will yerke the Commonwealth : Vnico Aretino will scourge Princes : and heere is a lusty ladd of the Castell , that will binde Beares , and ride golden Asses to death . Were the pith of courage lost , it might be founde in his penne : or were the marrow of conceite to seeke , where should witt looke for witt , but in his Inckebottle ? Arte was a Dunse , till Hee was a writer : and the quickest Confuter , a drowsy dreamer , till he put a life into the dead quill , & a flye into the woodden boxe of forlome Pandora . A pointe for the Satyrist , whose conceite is not a Ruffian in folio : and a figg for the Confuter , that is not a Swashbucler with his pen . Old whimwhams haue plodded-on , long enough : fresh inuention from the tapp , must haue his friskes , & careers an other while : and what comparable to this spowte of yarking eloquence ? Giue me the fellow , that is as Peerelesse , as Pennylesse ; and can oppose all the Libraries in Poules Churchyard , with one wonderfull work of Supererogation ; such an vnmatcheable peece of Learning , as no bookes can counteruaile , but his owne ; the onely recordes of the singularities of this age . Did I speake at a venture , I might deceiue , and be deceiued : but where Experience is a witnesse , and iudgement the Iudge , I hope the errour will not be vnreasonably great .

There was a time , when I floted in a sea of encountring waues ; and deuoured many famous confutations , with an eager , and insatiable appetite : especially Aristotle against Plato , and the old Philosophers : diuers excellent Platonistes , indued with rare , & diuine wittes , ( of whome elsewhere at large , ) Iustinus Martyr , Philoponus , Valla , Viues , Ramus , against Aristotle : oh but the great maister of the schooles , and high Chauncellour of Vniuersities , could not want pregnant defence : Perionius , Gallandius , Carpentarius , Sceggius , Lieblerus against Ramus : what ? hath the royall Professour of Eloquence , and Philosophy , no fauourites ? Talaeus , Ossatus , Freigius , Minos , Rodingus , Scribonius , for Ramus against them ; and so foorth , in that hott contradictory course of Logique , and Philosophy . But alas silly men , simple Aristotle , more simple Ramus , most simple the rest , either ye neuer knew , what a sharpe-edged , & cutting Consutation meant : or the date of your stale oppositions is expired ; and a new-found land of confuting commodities discouered , by this braue Columbus of tearmes , and this onely marchant venturer of quarrels ; that detecteth new Indies of Inuention , & hath the winds of Aeolus at commaundement . Happy , you flourishinge youthes , that follow his incomparable learned steps : and vnhappy we old Dunses , that wanted such a worthy President of all nimble and liuely dexterities . What should I appeale infinite other to their perpetuall shame : or summon such , and such to their foule disgrace ? Erasmus in Latine , and Sir Thomas More in English , were supposed fine , and pleasant Confuters in their time , and were accordingly embraced of the forwardest and trimmest wittes : but alacke how vnlike this dainty minion ? Agrippa was reputed a gyant in confutation ; a demi-god in omnisufficiency of knowledge ; a diuell in the practise of horrible Artes : oh , but Agrippa was an vrcheon , Copernicus a shrimpe , Cardan a puppy , Scaliger a baby , Paracelsus a scab , Erastus a patch , Sigonius a toy , Cuiacius a bable to this Termagant ; that fighteth not with simple wordes , but with dubble swordes : not with the trickling water of Helicon , but with piercing Aqua fortis : not with the sorry powder of Experience , but with terrible gunpowder : not with the small shott of contention , but with the maine ordinaunce of fury . For breuity I ouerskip many notable men , and valorous Confuters in their seuerall vaines : had not affection otherwhiles swinged their reason , where reason should haue swayed their affection . But Partiality , was euer the busiest Actour ; and Passion , the whottest Confuter : whatsoeuer plausible cause otherwise pretended : and hee is rather to bee esteemed an Angell , then a man , or a man of Heauen , not of Earth , that tendereth integrity in his hart ; equity in his tounge ; and reason in his penne . Flesh , and bloud are fraile Creatures , and partiall discoursers : but he approacheth neerest vnto God , & yeeldeth sweetest fruite of a diuine disposition , that is not transported with wrath , or any blinde passion , but guided with cleere , and pure Reason , the soueraigne principle of sound proceeding . It is not the Affirmatiue , or Negatiue of the writer , but the trueth of the matter written , that carryeth meat in the mouth , and victory in the hande . There is nothing so exceeding foolish , but hath beene defended by some wise man : nor any thinge so passinge wise , but hath bene confuted by some foole . Mans will , no safe rule , as Aristotle sayth : good Homer sometime sleepeth : S. Augustine was not ashamed of his retractations : S. Barnard saw not all thinges : and the best chart may eftsoones ouerthrow . He that taketh a Confutation in hand , must bringe the standard of Iudgement with him ; & make Wisedome the moderatour of Wit. But I might aswell haue ouerpassed the censure , as the persons : & I haue to do with a party , that valueth both alike , and can phansy no Autor , but his owne phansy . It is neyther reason , nor rime , nor witt , nor arte , nor any imitation , that hee regardeth : hee hath builded towers of Superarrogation in his owne head , and they must stand , whosoeuer fall . Howbeit I cannot ouerslipp some without manifest iniury , that deserue to haue their names enrolled in the first rancke of valiant Confuters : worthy men , but subiect to imperfections , to errour , to mutuall reproofe ; some more , some lesse , as the manner is . Harding , and Iewell , were our Eschines , and Demosthenes : and scarsely any language in the Christian world , hath affoorded a payre of aduersaries , equiualent to Harding , and Iewell ; two thundring and lightning Oratours in diuinity : but now at last infinitely ouermatched by this hideous thunderbolt in humanity , that hath the onely right tearmes inuectiue , and triumpheth ouer all the spirites of Contradiction . You that haue read Luther against the Pope : Sadolet , Longolius , Omphalius , Osorius , against Luther : Caluin against Sadolet : Melanchthon against Longolius : Sturmius against Omphalius : Haddon against Osorius : Baldwin againste Caluin : Beza againste Baldwin : Erastus against Beza : Trauers against Erastus : Sutcliff against Trauers : and so foorth : ( for there is no ende of endlesse controuersies : nor Bellarmine shall euer satisfye the Protestantes : nor Whittaker contente the Papistes : nor Bancroft appease the Precisians : nor any reason pacify affection : nor any authority resolue obstinacy : ) you that haue most diligently read these , and these , and sundry other , reputed excellente in their kindes , cast them all away , and read him alone : that can schoole them all in their tearmes inuectiue , and teacheth a new-found Arte of confuting , his all-onely Arte. Martin himselfe but a meacocke : and Papp-hatchet himselfe but a milkesop to him : that inditeth with a penne of fury , and the incke of vengeance ; and hath cart-loades of papershot , and chainshot at commaundement . Tush , no man can blason his Armes , but himselfe . Behold the mighty Champion , the dubble sword-bearer , the redowtable fighter with both handes , that hath robbed William Conquerour of his surname , and in the very first page of his Straunge Newes , choppeth-off the head of foure Letters at a blow . Hee it is , that hath it rightly in him indeede ; and can roundly doe the feate , with a witnesse . Why , man , he is worth a thousand of these pidlinge and driblinge Confuters , that sitt all day buzzing vpon a blunt point , or two : and with much adoe drisle-out as many sentences in a weeke , as he will powredowne in an howre . It is not long , since the goodlyest graces of the most-noble Commonwealthes vpon Earth , Eloquence in speech , and Ciuility in manners , arriued in these remote parts of the world : it was a happy reuolution of the heauens , and worthy to be chronicled in an English Liuy , when Tiberis flowed into the Thames ; Athens remoued to London ; pure Italy , and fine Greece planted themselues in rich England ; Apollo with his delicate troupe of Muses , forsooke his old mountaines , and riuers ; and frequented a new Parnassus , and an other Helicon , nothinge inferiour to the olde , when they were most-solemnely haunted of diuine wittes , that taught Rhetorique to speake with applause , and Poetry to sing with admiration . But euen since that flourishing transplantation of the daintiest , and sweetest lerning , that humanitie euer tasted ; Arte did but springe in such , as Sir Iohn Cheeke , and M. Ascham : & witt budd in such , as Sir Phillip Sidney , & M. Spencer ; which were but the violetes of March , or the Primeroses of May : till the one begane to sprowte in M. Robart Greene , as in a sweating Impe of the euer-greene Laurell ; the other to blossome in M. Pierce Pennilesse , as in the riche garden of pore Adonis : both to growe to perfection , in M. Thomas Nashe ; whose prime is a haruest , whose Arte a misterie , whose witt a miracle , whose stile the onely life of the presse , and the very hart-blood of the Grape . There was a kind of smooth , and clenly , and neate , and fine elegancy before : ( proper men , handsome giftes : ) but alacke , nothinge liuelie , and mightie , like the braue vino de monte , till his frisking penne began to playe the Sprite of the buttry , and to teach his mother-tongue such lusty gambolds , as may make the gallantest French , Italian , or Spanish gagliards to blushe , for extreame shame of their ideot simplicitie . The difference of wittes is exceeding straung , and almost incredible . Good lord , how may one man passe a thousand , and a thousande not compare with one ? Arte may giue out precepts , and directoryes in communi forma : but it is superexcellent witt , that is the mother pearle of precious Inuention ; and the goulden mine of gorgeous Elocution . Na , it is a certaine pregnant , and liuely thing without name , but a queint mistery of mounting conceit , as it were a knacke of dexterity , or the nippitaty of the nappiest grape , that infinitly surpasseth all the Inuention , and Elocution in the world ; and will bunge Demosthenes owne mouth with new-fangled figures of the right stampe , maugre all the thundering , and lightninge Periodes of his eloquentest orations , forlorne creatures . I haue had some prettie triall of the finest Tuscanisme in graine ; and haue curiously obserued the cunningest experiments , and brauest complements of aspiring emulation : but must geeue the bell of singularity , to the humorous witt ; and the garland of victory , to the dominiering Eloquence . I come not yet to the Praise of the olde Asse : it is young Apuleius , that feedeth vpon this glory : and hauing enclosed these rancke commons , to the proper vse of himselfe , & the capricious flocke ; adopteth whom he listeth , without exception : as Alexander the great , had a huge intention , to haue all men his subiectes , and all his subiectes called Alexanders . It was strange newes for some , to be so assesied : and a worke of Supererogation for him , so bountifully to voutchsafe his golden name : the appropriate cognisance of his noble stile . God-night poore Rhetorique of sorry bookes : adieu good old Humanity : gentle Artes , and Liberall Sciences content your selues : Farewell my deere moothers , sometime floorishing Vniuersities : some that haue long continued your sonnes in Nature ; your apprentises in Arte ; your seruauntes in Exercise ; your louers in affection ; and your vassalles in duety : must either take their leaues of their sweetest freendes ; or become the slaues of that dominiering eloquence , that knoweth no Art but the cutting Arte ; nor acknowledgeth any schoole , but the Curtisan schoole . The rest is pure naturall , or wondrous supernaturall . Would it were not an infectious bane , or an incroching pocke . Let me not bee mistaken by sinister construction , that wreasteth and wrigleth euery sillable to the worst . I haue no reference to my selfe ; but to my superiours by incomparable degrees . To be a Ciceronian , is a flowting stocke : poore Homer , a wofull wight , may put his finger in a hole , or in his blind eye : the excellentest histories , and woorthiest Chronicles , ( inestimable monumentes of wisdome , and valour , ) what but stale Antickes ? the flowers , and fruites of delicate humanity , that were wont to be dainetily and tenderly conserued , now preserued with dust , as it were with sugar , and with hoare , as it were with hoony . That frisking wine , & that liuely knacke in the right capricious veine , the onely booke , that holdeth-out with a countenance ; and will be heard , when woorme-toungued Oratours , dust-footed Poets , and weatherwise historians shall not bee allowed a woord to cast at a dogg . There is a fatall Period of whatsoeuer wee terme flourishinge : the worlde runneth on wheeles : and there must be a vent for all thinges . The Ciceronian may sleepe , til the Scogginist hath plaid his part : One sure Conny-catcher , woorth twenty Philosophers : A phantasticall rimester , more vendible , then the notablest Mathematician : no profession , to the faculty of rayling : all harsh , or obscure , that tickleth not idle phantasies with wanton dalliance , or ruffianly iestes : Robin Good-fellow the meetest Autor for Robin Hoodes Library : the lesse of Cambridge , or Oxforde , the fitter to compile woorkes of Supererogation : and wee that were simply trayned after the Athenian , and Romane guise , must bee contente to make roome for roisters , that know their place , and will take it . Titles , and tearmes are but woordes of course : the right fellow , that beareth a braine , can knocke twenty titles on the head , at a stroke ; and with a iugling shift of that same inuincible knacke , defende himselfe manfully at the Paper-barre . Though I be not greatly employed , yet my leisure will scarsely serue , to moralize Fables of Beares , Apes , and Foxes : ( some men can giue a shrewd gesse at a courtly allegory : ) but where Lordes in expresse tearmes are magnifically contemned , Doctours in the same stile may be courageously confuted . Liberty of Tounge , and Pen , is no Bondman : nippitaty will not be tied to a post : there is a cap of mainetenaunce , called Impudency : and what say to him , that in a superabundaunce of that same odd capricious humour , findeth no such want in England , as of an Aretine , that might stripp these golden Asses out-of their gay trappinges , and after he had ridden them to death with rayling , leaue them on the dunghill for carrion ? A frolicke mind , and a braue spirite to bee employed with his stripping instrument , in supply of that onely want of a diuine Aretine , the great rider of golden Asses . Were his penne as supererogatory a woorkeman , as his harte ; or his lines such transcendentes , as his thoughtes : Lord , what an egregious Aretine should we shortly haue : how excessiuely exceeding Aretine himselfe ; that bestowed the surmountingest amplifications at his pleasure , and was a meere Hyperbole incarnate ? Time may worke an accomplishment of woonders : and his graund intentions seeme to prognosticate no lesse , then the vttermost possibilities of capacity , or fury extended : would God , or could the Diuell , giue him that vnmeasurable allowance of witt , and Arte , that he extreamely affecteth , and infinitely wanteth , there were no encounter , but of admiration , and honour . But it may very-well beseeme me to conceale defectes : and I were best to let him runne out his iolly race , and to attende hys pleasure at all assayes , for feare hee degrade mee , or call mee a Letter-monger . Oh , would that were the worst . Gallant Gentlemen , did you euer see the blades of two brandished swordes in the handes of a Fury ? See them now : and Lo how the victorious Duellist stretcheth-out the armes of his Prowesse , to runne vppon those poore Letters with a maine carreere . Aut nunc , aut n●…nquam : now the deadly stroke must be stricken : now , now he will surely lay about him , like a lusty throssher , and beate all to powder , that commeth in the mighty swinge of his dubble flayle . But I know not what astonishing terror may bedimm my sight : and peraduenture the one of those vnlawfull weapons is no sword , but a shaken firebrand in the hand of Alecto . All the worse : and he twice wo-begon poore soule , that is at once assaulted with Fier , and Iron , the twoo vnmercifull instrumentes of Mars enraged . God shield quiet men from the handes of such cruell Confuters : whose argumentes are swoordes ; whose sentences , murthering bullets ; whose phrases , crosbarres ; whose tearmes no lesse , then serpentine powder ; whose very breath , the fier of the match : all exceedingly fearefull , saue his footinge , which may haply giue him the slipp . Hee that standeth vppon a wheele , let him beware he fall not . I haue heard of some feate Stratagems , as sly , as the slyest in Frontine , or Polyen : & could tell you a pretty Tale of a slippery grounde , that woulde make some bodies eares glow : but hee that reuealeth the secrete of his owne aduauntage , may haue scope enough to beshrew himselfe . The Aegyptian Mercury would prouide to plant his foote vpon a square ; and his Image in Athens was quadrangular , whatsoeuer was the figure of his hatt : and although he were sometime a Ball of Fortune , ( who can assure himselfe of Fortune ? ) yet was he neuer a wheele of folly , or an ecle of Ely . The glibbest tunge must consult with his witt ; & the roundest head with his feete : or peraduenture hee will not greatly thanke his tickle deuise . The Wheelewright may bee as honest a man , as the Cutler : the Drawer , as the Cutter : the Deuiser , as the Printer : the worst of the six , as the Autor : but some tooles are false Prophets ; and some shoppes fuller of sophistry , then Aristotles Elenches : and if neuer any witty deuiser did suttelly vndermine himselfe , good enough . I can tell you , the Wheele was an auncient Hieroglyphique of the most-conning Aegyptians ; & figured none of their highest mysteries of triumph , or glory . But when againe I lift-vp mine eyes , and behold the glorious picture of that mostthreatning Slassher : is it possible , so couragious a Confuter , should bee lesse terrible , then the Basiliske of Orus Apollo , that with his onely hissing , killed the poore snakes , his neighbours ? can any Letters liue , that hee will slay ? Were not Patience , or Submission , or any course better , then farther discourse ? what fonder businesse , then to troble the Printe with Pamphlets , that cannot possibly liue , whiles the Basiliske hisseth death ? Was I woont to iest at Eldertons ballatinge ; Gascoignes sonnettinge ; Greenes pamphletting ; Martins libelling ; Hollinsheads engrosing ; some-bodies abridging ; and whatchicaltes translating : & shall I now become a scribling Creature with fragmentes of shame , that might long sithence haue beene a fresh writer with discourses of applause ? The very whole matter , what but a thinge of nothinge ? the Methode , what but a hotchpott for a gallymafry ? by the one , or other , what hope of publike vse , or priuate credite ? Socrates minde could as lightly digest poison , as Mithridates boddy : and how easely haue the greatest stomackes of all ages , or rather the valiantest courages of the worlde , concocted the harshest , and rankest iniuries ? Politique Philip victorious Alexander , inuincible Scipio , triumphant Caesar , happy Augustus , magnificent Titus , and the flower of the noblest mindes , that Immortality honoureth , with a sweete facility gaue many bitter reprehensions the slip , and finely ridd their handes of roughest obloquies . Philosophy professeth more : and the Philosopher of Emperours , or rather the Emperour of Philosophers , Marcus Antoninus , when hee deserued best , could with a felicity heare the woorst . Cherrish an inward contentment in thy selfe , my minde : and outwarde occurrences , whome they will not make , shall not marre . It is as great a prayse , to be discommended of the dishonest , as to be commended of the vertuous : say , affirme , confirme , approoue , iustify what you can , the Captaine-scolde hath vowed the last word : none so bolde to aduenture any thinge , as he that hath no good thinge to loose : let him forge , or coyne , who will belce●…e him ? Lay-open his vanity , or foolery , who knoweth it not ? yet who so eager to defende , or offende , with tooth , or nayle , by hooke or crooke ? The Arte of figges , hadd euer a dapper witt , a deft conceite , a slicke forhead , a smugg countenaunce ; a stinginge tongue ; a nippinge hande ; a bytinge penne ; and a bottomlesse pitt of Inuention , stoared with neuer-fayling shiftes of counterfeite cranckes : and my betters by many degrees , haue bene faine to bee the God-sonnes of young Apuleius . Diuers excellente men haue praysed the olde Asse : giue the young Asse leaue to praise himselfe , and to practise his minion Rhetorique vppon other . There is no dealinge , where there is no healinge . To striue with dirt , is filthy : to play with edged tooles , daungerous : to trie masteries with a desperate aduersary , hazardous : to encounter Demosthenes Viper , or Apolloes Basiliske , deadly . To intende your owne intentions with an inuiolable constancy , and to leuell continually at your owne determined scope , without respecte of extrauagant endes , or cumbersome interruptions : the best course of proceeding , and onely firme , cheerefull , gallant , and happy resolution . Euery by-way , that strayeth or gaddeth from that direct Path , a wandring errour : and a perillous , or threatninge by-way , a forrest of wilde beastes . Hande , touch not the ranckeling byle , and throw-away the launcing instrument .

I could conceiue no lesse , then thus , and thus , when I beganne first to surview that brauing Emprese : and euer me thought , Aut nunc , aut nunquam , seemed to prognosticate greate tempestes at hande , and euen such valorous workes of Supererogation , as woulde make an employed man of Florence , or Venice , to breake day with any other important businesse of state , or traffique . I went on , & on , still , and still loking for those presaged woondermentes : & thought it Platoes great yeare , till I hadd runne-thorough the armed pikes , and felte the whole dinte of the two vengeable vnlawfull weapons . But I beleeue , neuer poore man found his Imagination so hugely mocked , as this confuting Iugler coosened my expectation without measure : as if his whole drift had bene nothinge else , but a pleasurable Comedy , or a mad Stratagem , ( like those of Bacchus , and Pan ) queintlye deuised to defeate the opinion of his ●…edulous reader , and to surprise simple minds with a most vnlikely euent . A fine peece of conu●…lance in some pageantes : and a braue deseigne in fi●…t place . Arte knoweth the pageants : and pollicy the place . In ernest , I expected nether an Oratour of the stewes : nor a Poet of Bedlam : nor a knight of the alehowse : nor a qu●…an of the Cuckingstole : nor a broker of baggage stuffe : nor a pedler of straunge newes : nor anye base trumperye , or meane matters , when Pierce should racke his witt , and Penniles stretch-out his courage , to the vttermost extent of his possibility . But with out more circumlocution , pryde hath a fall : and as of A Catt , so of Pierce himselfe , howsoeuer inspired , or enraged , you can haue but his skinne , puffed vp with winde , and bumbasted with vanitye . Euen when he stryueth for life , to shewe himselfe brauest in the flaunt-aflaunt of his courage ; and when a man would verily beleeue he should nowe behold the stately personage of heroicall Eloquence face to face ; or see such an vnseene Frame of the miracles of Arte , as might amaze the heauenly eye of Astronomy : holla sir , the sweete Spheres are not too-prodigall of their soueraine influences . Pardon mee S. Fame . What the first pang of his diuine Furie , but notable Vanitie : what the seconde fitte , but woorthy vanitye : what the thirde career , but egregious vanity ? what the glory of his ruffian Rhetorique , and curtisan Philosophy , but excellent villany ? That , that is Pierces Supererogation : and were Penniles a person of any reckoning , as he is a man of notorious fame , that , that perhaps , in regarde of the outragious singularity , might be supposed a Tragicall , or Heroicall villany , if euer any villany were so intituled . The present consideration of which singularity , occasioneth me to bethinke me of One , that this other day very soberlie commended some extraordinary giftes in Nashe : and when he had grauesie maintayned , that in the resolution of his conscience , he was such a fellowe , as some wayes had few fellowes ; at last concluded somewhat more roundly .

Well , my maisters , you may talke your pleasures of Tom Nash ; who yet sleepeth secure , not without preiudice to some , that might be more ielous of their name : but assure your selues , if M. Pen●…iles had not bene deepely plunged in a profound exstasic of kna●…ery , M. Pierce had neuer written that famous worke of Super●…rogation , that now stayneth all the bookes in Paules-churchyard , and setteth both the vniuersites to schoole . Till I see your finest humanitie bestow such a liber all exhibition of conceit , and courage , vpon your neatest wittes ; pardon me though I prefer one smart Pamster of knauery , before ten blundring volumes of the nine Muses . Dreaming , and smoke amount alike : Life is a gaming , aiugling , a scoulding , a lawing , a skirmishing , a warre ; a Comedie , a Tragedy : the sturring witt , a quintessence of quicksiluer ; and there is noe deade fleshe in affection , or courage . You may discourse of Hermes ascending spirit ; of Orpheus enchanting harpe ; of Homers diuine furie ; of Tyrtaeus enraging trumpet ; of Pericles bounsinge thunderclaps ; of Platos enthusiasticall rauishment ; and I wott not what maruelous egges in mooneshine : but a flye for all your flying Speculations , when one good fellow with his oddiestes , or one madd knaue with his awke hibber-gibber , is able to putt downe twentye of your smuggest artificiall men , that simper it so nicely , and coylie in their curious pointes . Try , when you meane to be disgraced : & neuer giue me credit , if Sanguine witt putt not Melancholy Arte to bedd . I had almost said , all the figures of Rhetorique must abate me an ace of Pierces Supererogation , : and Penniles hath a certayne nimble and climbinge reach of Inuention , as good as a long pole , and a hooke , that neuer fayleth at a pinch . It were vnnaturall , as the sweete Emperour , Marcus Antoninus said , that the fig-tree should euer want iuice . You that purpose with great sum●…es of ●…uddy , & candles to purchase the worshipfull names of Dunses , & Dodipoles , may closely sitt , or sokingly ly at your bookes : but you that intende to be fine companionable gentlemen , smirkinge wittes , and whipsters in the world , betake yee timely to the liuely practis of the minion profession , and enure your Mercuriall fingers to frame semblable workes of Supererogation . Certes other rules are fopperies : and they that will seeke out the Archmistery of the busiest Modernistes , shall find it nether more , nor lesse , then a certayne pragmaticall secret , called Villany , the verie science of sciences , and the Familiar Spirit of Pierces Supererogation . Coosen not your selues with the gay-nothings of children , & schollers : no priuiti●… of learning , or inspiration of witt , or reuelation of misteryes , or Arte Notory , counteruayleable with Pierces Supererogation : which hauing none of them , hath them all , and can make them all Asses at his pleasure . The Book-woorme was neuer but a pickgoose : it is the Multiplying spirit , not of the Alchimist , but of the villanist , that knocketh the naile one the head , and spurreth cutt farther in a day , then the quickest Artist in a weeke . Whiles other are reading , wryting , conferring , arguing , discoursing , experimenting , platforminge , musing , buzzing , or I know not what : that is the spirrit , that with a woondrous dexterity shapeth exquisite workes , and atchicueth puissant exploites of Supererogation . O my good frends , as ye loue the sweete world , or tender your deare selues , be not vnmindfull what is good for the a●…auncemente of your commendable partes . All is nothing without advancement . Though my experience be a Cipher in these causes , yet hauing studiously perused the newe Arte-notory , that is the foresaid Supererogation ; and hauing shaken so manie learned asses by the eares ; as it were by the hands ; I could say no lesse , and might think more .

Something else was vttered the same time by the same Gentleman , aswell concerning the present state of France , which he termed the most vnchristian kingdome of the most christian kinge ; as touching certaine other newes of I wott not what dependence : but my minde was running on my halfpeny , and my head so full of the foresaid round discourse , that my hand was neuer quyet , vntill I had altered the tytle of this Pamphlet , and newlie christened it Pierces Supererogation : aswell in remembrance of the saide discourse , as in honour of the appropriate vertues of Pierce himselfe ; who aboue all the writers that euer I knew , shall go for my money , where the currantest forgery , impudency , arrogancy , phantasticalitie , vanity ; and great store of little dicretion may go for payment ; and the filthiest corruption of abhominable villany passe vnlaunced . His other miraculous perfections are still in abeyance : and his monstrous excellencyes in the predicament of Chimera . The birde of Arabia is longe in hatchinge : and mightye workes of Supererogation are not plotted , & accomplished attonce . It is pittie so hyperbolicall a conceite , ouerhawty for the surmounting rage of Tasso in his furious angoy , should be humbled with so diminitiue a witt ; base enough for Elderton , and the riffe-raffe of the scribling rascality . I haue heard of many disparagementes in felowship : but neuer sawe so great Impudency married to so little witt ; or so huge presumption allyed to so petty performance . I must not paint , though hee dawbe . Pontan decipher thy vauntinge Alopantius Ausimarchides a new : and Terence display thy boastinge Thraso a new : and Plautus addresse thy vain-glorious Pyrgopolinices anew : heere is a bratt of Arrogancy , a gosling of the Printing-house , that can teach your braggardes to play their partes in the Printe of woonder , & to exploit redowtable workes of Supererogation ; such as neuer were atchieued in Latin , or Greeke . Which deferue to bee looked for with such a longing expectation , as the Iewes looke for their kingly Messias : or as I looke for Agrippas dreadfull Pyromachy : for Cardans multiplied matter , that shall delude the force of the Canon : for Acontius perfect Arte of fortifieng little townes against the greatest Battery : for the Iliades of all Courtly Stratagems , that Antony Riccobonus magnifically promiseth : for his vniuersall Repertory of all Histories , contayning the memorable actes of all ages , all places , and all persons : for the new Calepine of all learned , and vulgar languages , written , or spoken , whereof a loud rumour was lately published at Basill : for a generall Pandectes of the Lawes , and statutes of all nations , and commonwealthes in the worlde , largely promised by Doctor Peter Gregorius , but compendiously perfourmed in his Syntagma Iuris vniuersi : for sundry such famous volumes of hugy miracles in the cloudes . Do not such Arch-woondermentes of supernaturall furniture , deserue arch-expectation ? What should the Sonnes of Arte , dreame of the Philosophers Stone , that like Midas , turneth into golde , whatsoeuer it toucheth : or of the soueraine , and diuine Quintessence , that like Esculapius restoreth health to sicknesse ; like Medea , youth to Olde-age ; like Apollor●…us , life to Death ? No Philosophers Stone , or souraine Quintessence , howsoeuer preciously precious , equiualent to such diuine woorkes of supererogation . O high-minded Pierce , hadd the traine of your woordes , and sentences bene aunswearable to the retinue of your bragges , and threates , or the robes of your apparaunce in person , suteable to the weedes of your ostentation in tearmes : I would surely haue beene the first , that should haue proclaimed you , the most-singuler Secretary of this language , & the heauenliest creature vnder the Spheres . Sweete M. Ascham , that was a flowing spring of humanity , and worthy Sir Phillip Sidney , that was a florishing spring of nobi lity , must haue pardoned me : I would directly haue discharged my conscience . But you must giue plaine men leaue to vtter their opinion without courtinge : I honor high heads , that stand vpon low feet ; & haue no great affection to the gay fellowes , that build vp with their clambring hartes , and pull downe with their vntoward hands . Giue me the man that is meeke in spirit , lofty in zeale : simple in presumption , gallant in endeuour : poore in profession , riche in performance . Some such I knowe ; and all such I value highly . They glory not of the golden Stone , or the , youthfull Quintessence : but Industrie is their goulden Stone ; Action thier youthfull Quintessence ; and Valour their diuine worke of Supererogation . Euerye one may thinke as he listeth ; & speake as he findeth occasion : but in my fancy , they are simply the simplest fellows of al other , that boast they will exploite miracles , & come short in ordinarie reckonings . Great matters are no woonders , when they are menaced , or promised with big othes : and small thinges are maruels , when they are not expected , or suspected . I wondred to heare , that Kelly had gotten the Golden Fliece , and by vertue therof was sodenly aduaunced into so honorable reputation with the Emperours maiestye ; but would haue woondred more , to haue seene a woorke of Supererogation from Nashe : whose witt must not enter the listes of comparison with Kellyes Alchimy : howsoeuer he would seeme to haue the Greene Lion , and the Flying Eagle in a boxe . But Kelly will bidd him looke to the swolne Toade , & the daunsing Foole . Kelly knoweth his L●…tum Sapientiae , and vseth his termes of Arte. Silence is a great misterye : and lowde wordes but a Coweherds horne . He that breedeth mountaynes of hope , and with much adoe begetteth a molehill ( shall I tell him a newe tale in ould Inglishe ? ) beginneth like a mightie Oxe , & endeth like a sory Asse . To atchieue it without ostentation , is a notable prayse : but to vaunt it without atcheuement , or to threaten it without effecte ; is but a dubble proofe of a simple witt . Execution sheweth the hability of the man : presumption bewraieth the vanitie of the mind . The Sunne sayth not ; I will thus , and thus displaye my glorious beames , but shineth indeede : the springe braggeth not of gallant flowers , but florisheth indeede : the Haruest boasteth not of plentifull fruit , but fructifieth in deede . Aesops fellowes being asked , what they could doe , answered they could doe any thing ; but Aesope making a small showe , coulde doe much indeede : the Greeke Sophisters knowing nothinge in comparison , ( knowledge is a dry water ) professed a skill in all thinges ; but Socrates knowing in a manner all things , ( Socrates was a springing rocke ) professed a skill in nothinge : Lullius , and his sectaryes , haue the signet of Hermes , and the admirable Arte of disputinge infinitly de omni scibili ; but Agrippa , one of the vniuersallest schollars , that Europe hath yeelded , and such a one , as some learned men of Germany , France , & Italie , intituled The Omniscious Doctour , Socraticallie declameth against the vanitye of sciences , and for my comforte penneth the Apology of the Asse . Neuer any of these prating vagabundes had the vertuous Elixir , or other important secret : ( yet who such monarches for Phisique , Chirurgery , Spagirique , Astrology , Palmastry , naturall & supernaturall Magique , Necromancy , Familiar-spiritshipp , and all profound cunninge , as some of these arrant Impostours ? ) hee is a Pythagorean , and a close fellow of his tongue , & pen , that hath the right magisterium indeede ; & can dispatch with the finger of Art , that they promis with the mouth of cosenage . They that vaunt , do it not : & they that pretend least , accomplish most . High-spirited Pierce doe it indeede , that thou crakest in vaine ; and I will honour thy worke , that scorne thy worde . When there was no neede , thy breath was the mouth of Aetna ; & like a Cyclops , thou didst forge thunder in Mongibello : now the warringe Planet was expected in person , and the Fiery Trigon seemed to giue the Alarme ; thou talkeste of Cattes meate and Dogges meate enough : and wilt try it out by the teeth at the signe of the Dogs-head in the pot . Oh , what a chatering Monky is here : & oh what a dog-fly , is the dogstarr proued ? Elderton would haue answered this geere out-of-cry : or had I the witt of Scoggin , I could say some thing to it : but I looked for Cattes meate in aqua fortis , & Dogs meat in Gunpowder ; & can no skill of these termes , steeped in thy mothers gutter , & thy fathers kennel . Na , if you will needes strike it as dead as a dore naile ; and run vpon me with the blade of Cattes meate , & the fierbrond of Dogges-meate : I haue doone . Or in case your meaning be , as you stoutely protest , to trounce me after twenty in the hundred , and to haue about with me , with two staues , and a pyke , like a tall fellowe of Cracouia : there is no dealing for short weapons . Young Martin was an ould hackster : & had you plaid your maisters pryzes in his time , he peraduenture durste haue looked those two staues in the face , and would haue desired that pike of some more acquaintance : but Truce keepe me out of his handes , that fighteth furiously with two staues of Cattes meate and a pyke of Dogges meate : and is resolutely bente , the beste blood of the brothers shall pledge him in vineger . Happy , it is noe worse , then vineger ; a good sawce for Cattes meate , and Dogges meate . Gentlemen , you that thinke prommisse a bonde , and vse to performe more , then you threaten ; neuer beleeue Braggadocio againe for his sake . When he hath done his best , and his worst : trust me , or credit your owne eies , his best Best is but Cattes meate , & his worst Worst but Doggs-meate enough . What should I goe circuiting about the bushe ? He taketh the shortest cutt to the wood , and dispatcheth all controuersies in a fewe significant termes : not those of Gunpowder , which would aske some charging , and discharging : but these of dogges-meat , which are vp with a vomit . He that is not so little , as the third Cato from heauen , or the eight wiseman vpon earth , may speake with authority ; and christen me a Dunse , a foole , an ideot , a dolt , a goose-capp , an asse , and I wot not what , asifilthy , as filthy may be . Dogged Impudency hath his proper Idiotisme ; & very clarkly scholeth the eares of Modestie , to spell , Fa-fe-fi-fo-fu . Simple wittes would be dealt playnly withall : I stand not vpon coye or nice poyntes ; but am one of those , that would gladlie learne their owne imperfections , errours , and follies , in specialissimaspecie : Be it knowne vnto all men by these presentes , that Thomas Nashe , from the topp of his witt looking downe vpon simple creatures , calleth Gabriell Haruey a Dunse , a foole , an ideot , a dolt , a goose-capp , an asse , and soe fourth : ( for some of the residue , is not to be spoken but with his owne manerly mouth ) : but the wise man in printe , should haue doone well in his learned Confutation , to haue shewed particulerlie , which woords in my Letters , were the wordes of a Dunse : which Sentences , the sentences of a foole : which Arguments , the arguments of an Ideot : which Opinions , the opinions of a dolt : which Iudgements , the iudgements of a goose-cap : which Conclusions , the conclusions of an Asse . Eyther this wold be dun , ( for I suppose , he would be loth to proue some Asses , that in fauour haue written otherwise , and in reason are to verify their owne testimonies ) : or he must be fayne himselfe , to eate his owne Cattes-meate , & Dogges-meat : and swallow-downe a Dunse , a foole , an ideot , a dolt , a goose-cap , an asse in his owne throate ; the proper case of his filthiest excrements , and the sinke of the famous rascal ; that had rather be a Poulcatt with a stinkinge stur , then a musk-cat with gratious fauor . Pardon me gentle Ciuilit●…e : if I did not tender you , & disclame impudency , I could do him some peece of right ; & shew him his well fauored face in a Cristall , as true as Gascoignes steele-glas . But trust him not for a dodkin ( it is his owne request ) if I euer did my Doctors Actes : which a thowsand heard in Oxforde ; and some knew to be done with as little premeditation , as euer such actes were done : ( for I answered vpon the questions , that were giuen me by Doctor Cathedrae , but two dayes before ; and read my Cursory Lecture with a dayes warning : ) or if I be not A F awne-guest Messenger betweene M. Christopher Bird , in whose company , I neuer dined , or supped these six yeares , and M. Emmanuell Demetrius , with whom I neuer dranke to this day . Other matters , touching her Highnesse affabilitie toward Schollers , ( so her Maiesties fauour toward mee must bee interpreted : ) the Priuy watch-word of honourable men in their Letters Commendatory , euen in the highest degree of praysing , ( so our high Chauncellours commendation must bee quallified : ) Nashes graue Censure of Publike Inuectiues , and Satyres , ( so Harueyes slight opinion of contentious , and seditious Libels must be crosbitten : ) his testimony of Ciceroes consolation ad Dolabellam , ( which he will needes father vpon me in reproch , though his betters wil neuer pen such a peec of Latin , whosoeuer wer the Stepp-Tully : ) his derision of the most profitable , and valorous Mathematical Arts , ( whose industrie hath atcheeued woonders of mightier puissance , then the labours of Hercules : ) his contempt of the worthiest persones in euery faculty , ( which he alwayes censureth as his punyes , and vnderlinges : ) his palpable Atheisme , and drinkinge a cupp of Lammeswool to the Lambe of God : his gibinge at Heauen , ( the hauen , where my deceased brother is arriued , ) with a deepe cut out-of his Gramer rules ; Astra petit disertus : the very starres , are scarres , where he listeth : and a hundred such , and such Particularities ; that requier sum larger Discourse ; shew him to be a youngman of the greenest springe , as beardles in iudgement , as in face ; and as Penniles in witt , as in purse . It is the least of his famous aduentures , that hee vndertaketh to be Greenes aduocate : as diuine Plato assayed to defend Socrates at the Barr : and I knowe not whether it be the least of his dowtye exploites , that he salueth his frendes credit , as that excellent disciple saued his maisters life . He may declare his deere affection to his Paramour ; or his pure honestye to the world ; or his constant zeale to play the Diuels Oratour : but noe Apology of Greene , like Greenes Grotes-worth of witt : and when Nash will indeede accomplish a worke of Supererogation , let him publish , Nashes Penniworth of Discretion . If he be learneder , or wiser then other , in so large an assise , as should appeare by the reporte of his owne mouth ; it is the better for him : but it were not amisse , he should sumtime looke-backe to the budget of Ignorance , and Folly , that hangeth behind him ; as otherwhiles he condescendeth to glaunce at the satchell of his grammar bookes . Calumny , & her coosen-german Impudency wil not alwaies houldout rubbers : and they neede not greatlie bragge of their haruest , that make Phantasie the roote , vanity the stalke , Follye the eare , Penurye the cropp , and Shame the whole substance of their studdies . To be ouer-bould with one , or two , is something : to be sawcy with many , is much : to spare fewe , or none , is odious : to be impudent with all , is intollerable . There were fayre playe enough , though foule play were debarred but Boyes , fooles , and knaues , take all in snuffe , when the variance might be debated in the language of Curtesie : and nothing but horseplay will serue , where the colt is disposed to playe the iade . Did I list to persecute him in his own vaine , or were I not restrained with respectiue termes of diuine , and ciuill moderation : ô Aretin , how pleasurably might I canuas the bawling cur , in a tossing sheete of paper : or ô Gryson , who could more easilie discouer a newe Arte of riding a head-strong beaste ? But that which Nashe accounteth the brauery of his witt , and the dubble creast of his style , I am in discretion to cut-of : and in modesty yeeld it his onely glorye , to haue the fowlest mouth , that I euer sawe , and the strongest breath , that I euer fealt . When witty girding faileth , as it pitifully fayleth in euery page of that Superarrogatory worke : Lord , what odious baggage , what rascal stuffe , what villanous trumpery filleth-vpp the leafe : and howe egregiously would he playe the vengeable Sycophant , if the conueiance of his Arte , or witt , were in anye measure of proportion , correspondent to his pestilent stomacke ? But in the fellest fitt of his Furye , euen when he runneth vpon me with openest mouth , & his Spite like a poysonous toade , swelleth in the full : as if some huge timpany of witt would presentlye possesse his braine ; or some horrible Fiery Spright would flye in my face , and blast me to nothing : then good Dick Tarleton is dead , & nothing aliue but Cattes-meat , & Dogges-meat enough . Na , were it not , that hee hadd dealt politiquely , in prouidinge himself an autenticall suerty , or rather a mighty protectour at a pinch , such a deuoted freend , and inseparable companion , as Aeneas was to Achates , Pylades to Orestes , Diomedes to Vlysses , Achilles to Patroclus , and Hercules to Theseus : doubtlesse hee had beene vtterly vndone . Compare olde , and new histories , of farre , & neere countries : and you shall finde the late manner of Sworne Brothers , to be no new fashion , but an auncient guise , and heroicall order ; deuised for necessity , continued for security , and mainetayned for proffite , and pleasure . In brauest actions , in weightiest negotiations , in hardest distresses , in how many cases , One man , no-boddy ; and a dayly frend , as necessary , as our dayly bread . No treasure , more precious : no bonde , more indefesible : no castle , more impregnable : no force , more inuincible : no trueth , more infallible : no element , more needefull ; then an entire , & assured associate ; euer prest , aswell in calamity to comfort , or in aduersity to relieue , as in prosperity to congratulate , or in aduancemente to honour . Life is sweete , but not without sweete societie : & an inward affectionate frend , ( as it were another Thesame , or a second Selfe , ) the very life of life , and the sweet-harte of the hart . Nashe is learned , & knoweth his Leripup . Where was Euryalus , there was Nisus : where Damon , there Pythias : where Scipio , there Laelius : where Apollonius , there Damides : where Proclus , there Archiadas : where Pyrocles , there Musidorus : where Nashe , there his Nisus , his Pythias , his Laelius , his Damides , his Archiadas , his Musidorus ; his indiuisible companion , with whose puissant helpe hee conquereth , wheresoeuer he raungeth . Na , Homer nor such an author for Alexander : nor Xenophon for Scipio : nor Virgil for Augustus : nor Iustin for Marcus Aurelius : nor Liuy for Theodosius Magnus : nor Caesar for Selymus : nor Philip de Comines for Charles the fift : nor Macchiauell for some late princes : nor Aretin for some late Curtesans ; as his Authour for him ; the sole authour of renowned victorie . Maruel not , that Erasmus hath penned the Encomium of Folly ; or that so many singular learned men haue laboured the commendation of the Asse : he it is , that is the godfather of writers , the superintendent of the presse , the muster-maister of innumerable bands , the Generall of the great feilde : hee , and Nashe will confute the world . And wher is the Aegles quill , that can sufficiently aduance the first spoiles of their new conquestes ? Whist sory pen , and be aduised how thou presume aboue the highest pitch of thy possibility . Hee that hath christened so many notable authours ; censured so many eloquent pennes ; enrowled so many worthy garrisones ; & encamped so many noble , and reuerend Lordes ; may be bould with me . If I be an Asse , I haue company enough : and if I be no Asse , I haue fauour to be enstalled in such companye . The name will shortly grow in request , as it somtime florished in glorious Roome : and who then will not sue , to be free of that honorable Company ? Whiles they are ridden , I desire not to be spared : when the hott-spurr is aweary with tyring them , he wil scarsly troble himself with a skin . Or if he do , I may chance acquaint him with a secret indistillation ; He that drinketh Oyle of prickes , shall haue much adooe to voide syrup of roses ; and he that eateth nettles for prouander , hath a priuiledg to pisse vpon Lillyes for litter . Poules wharfe honour the memorye of oulde Iohn Hester , that would not sticke with his frende for twentye such experimentes ; & would often tell me of A Magistral vnguent for all sores . Who knoweth not that Magistrall vnguent , knoweth nothing : and who hath that magistral vnguent , feareth no gunshott . The Confuter meant to be famous , like Poggius , that altobe-assed Valla , Trapezuntius , and their defendantes , many learned Italians : or might haue giuen a gesse at some possible afterclaps , as good as a prognostication of an after-winter . Though Pierce Penniles , for a spurt were a ranke rider , and like an arrant knight ouerran nations with a carreer ; yet Thomas Nashe might haue beene aduised , and in pollicy haue spared them , that in compassion fauoured him ; and were vnfaynedlye sory , to finde his miserable estate , aswell in his style , as in his purse , and in his wit , as in his fortune . Some complexions haue much adooe to alter their nature : & Nashe wil carrie a tache of Pierce to his graue , ( we haue worse prouerbes in englishe : ) yet who seeith not , what apparent good , my Letters haue done him , that before ouercrowed all commers , and goers with like discretion , but nowe forsooth hath learned some fewe handsome termes of respecte , and verye manerly beclaweth a fewe , that he might the more licentiously besmeere one . S. Fame giue him ioye of his blacke cole , and his white chalke .

Who is not limed with some default ; or who reddier to confesse his own imperfections , then miselfe ? but when in professed hatred , like a mortal feudist , he hath vttered his very vttermost spite , & wholy disgorged his rancorous stomacke : yet can he not , so much as deuise any particularaction of trespas , or obiect any certaine vice against me , but only one greuous crime , called Pumps , & Pantofles , ( which indeede I haue worne , euer since I knewe Cambridge , ) & his owne deerest hart-root , Pride : which I protest before God , and man , my soule in iudgment as much detesteth , as my body in nature lotheth poyson ; or any thing abhorreth his deadlye enemy , euen amongst those creatures , which are found fatally contrary by naturall Antipathy . It is not excesse , but defecte of pride , that hath broken the head of some mens preferment . Aspiring mindes can soare aloft : and Selfe-conceit , with the countenaunce of Audacity , the tongue of Impudency , & the hand of Dexterity , preaseth bouldly into the forwardest throng of the shouldring ranke : whiles Discretion hath leasure to discourse , whether somedeale of Modesty were meeter for manye , that presume aboue their condition ; and some deale of Selfe-liking fitter for some , that haue fealt no greater want , then want of Pride . It may seeme a rude disposition , that sorteth not with the quality of the age : & Pollicy deemeth that vertue a vice , that modesty , simplicity , that resolutenes , dissolutenes , that conformeth not it selfe , with a supple & deft correspondence to the present time : but no such oxe in my mind , as Tarquinius Superbus : no such calfe , as Spurius Maelius : no such colt , as Publius Clodius : no such Ape , as Lucians Rhetorician , or the Diuels Oratour . Blind ambition , a noble bayarde : proud arrogancy , a goulden Asse : vaine conceit , a gaudy Peacocke : all brauery , that is not effectuall , a gay nothing . He vpbraideth me with his own good nature : but where such an insolent braggard , or such a pussing thing , as himselfe : that in magnifying his owne bable , & debasing me , reuileth them , whose bookes , or pantofles he is not worthy to beare . If I be an Asse , what asses were those curteous frendes , those excellent learned men , those worshipfull , & honorable personages , whose Letters of vndeserued , but singular commendation may be shewen ? What an asse was thiselfe , when thou didst publish my praise amongst the notablest writers of this realme ? or what an Asse art thiself , that in the spitefullest outrage of thy maddest Confutation , dost otherwhiles enterlace some remembrances of more account , then I can acknowledge without vanity , or desier without ambition ? The truth is , I stande as little vpon others commendations , or mine owne titles , as any man in England whosoeuer ; if there be nothing els to solicite my cause : but being so shamefully and intollerably prouoked in the most villanous termes of reproch , I were indeede a notorious insensate asse , in case I should eyther sottishly neglect the reputation of soe worthy fauorers , or vtterly abandon mine owne credit . Sweet Gentlemen , renowned knightes , and honorable Lordes , be not ashamed of your Letters , imprinted , or written : if I liue , seeing I must eyther liue in tenebris with obloquy , or in luce with proofe ; by the leaue of God , I will prooue miselfe no Asse . I speake not onely to M. Bird , M. Spencer , or Monsieur Bodin , whom he nothinge regardeth : ( yet I would his owne learning , or iudgmente were anye way matchable with the worst of the three : ) but amongst a number of sundrie other learned , and gallant Gentlemen , to M. Thomas Watson , a notable Poet ; to M. Thomas Hatcher , a rare Antiquary ; to M. Daniel Rogers of the Court ; to Doctor Griffin Floyd , the Queenes professour oflawe at Oxforde ; to Doctor Peter Baro a professour of diuinity in Cambridg ; to Doctor Bartholmew Clark , late Deane of the Arches ; to Doctor William Lewen , Iudge of the prerogatiue Court ; to Doctor Iohn Thomas Freigius , a famous writer of Germany : to Sir Philip Sidney ; to M. Secretary Wilson ; to Sir Thomas Smith ; to Sir Walter Mildmay ; to milord the bishop of Rochester ; to milord Treasurer ; to milord the Earle of Leicester : Vnto whose worshipfull and honorable fauours I haue bene exceedingly beholding for letters of extraordinary commendation ; such , as some of good experience haue doubted , whether they euer voutsafed the like vnto any of either vniuersity . I beseech God , I may deserue the least parte of their good opinion , eyther in effectuall proofe , or in dutifull thankefullnesse : but how little soeuer I presume of mine owne sufficiency , ( he that knoweth himselfe , hath smal cause to conceiue any high hope of low meanes : ) as in reason I was not to flatter miselfe with their bountifull commendation ; so in iudgement I am not to agreeue miselfe with the odious detraction of this pestilent libeller , or any like despiteous slanderer : but in patience am to digest the one with moderation , as in temperance I qualified the other with modesty . Some would say , what is the peeuishe grudge of one beggarly rakehell , to so honorable liking of so many excellent , & some singular men ? But god in heauen , teach me to take good by my aduersaries inuectiue ; and no harme by my fauourers approbation . It is neither the one , nor the other , that deserueth euill , or well ; but the thing it selfe , that edifieth ; without which , praise is smoke ; and with which , dispraise is fyer . Let me enioy that essential point : & hauke , or hunt , or fishe after praise , you that list . Many contumelious , and more glorious reports haue passed from Enemies , & Frends , without cause , or vpon smal occasion : that is the onely infamy , that cannot acquit it selfe from guiltinesse ; & that the only honor , that is grounded vpon desert . Other winds of diffamation , want matter to vpholde it : and other shadowes of glory , lacke a body to support it . In vnhappinesse they are happy , of whose bad amounteth good ; & in happinesse they vnhappy , whose good prooueth bad : as glory eftsoones followeth them , that fly from it , & flyeth from them , that followe it . There is a Terme Probatory , that wil not ly : and commendations are neuer autenticall , vntill they bee signed with the seale of approoued Desert , the only infallible Testimoniall . Desert , ( maugre Enuy , the companion of Vertue ) Socrates high waye to Honour ; & the totall summe of Osorius De Gloria . I will not enter into Macchiauels discourses , Iouius Elogyes , Cardans natiuities , Cosmopolites Dialogues , or later Histories in dyuers languages : but some worthelye continue honorable , whom they make dishonorable , & contrariwise . Reason hath an euen hande , and dispenseth to euerye one his right : Arte amplifieth , or extenuateth at occasion : the residue , is the liberality of the pen , or the poyson of the inke : in Logique , Sophistrie ; in law , iniury ; in historie , a fable ; in diuinity , a lye . Horace , a sharpe , and sententious Poet , after his pithy manner , comprizeth much in fewe wordes : Falsus honor iuuat , & mendax infamia terret ,

Quem nisi mendacem , & mendosum ? For mine owne part , I am reasonably resolute both wayes , & stand affraide of phantasticall discredit , as I esteeme imaginatiue credit , or a contemplatiue banquett . It fitteth not with the profession of a Philosopher , or the constancie of a man , to carrye the minde of a childe , or an youth , or a woman , or a slaue , or a tyrant , or a beast . That resteth not in my power , to reforme , or alter , I were very vnwise if I should not endure with patience , mittigate with reason , & contemne with pleasure . Onely I can be content in certain behoouefull respects , to yeeld a peece of a satisfaction vnto some , that requier it in affectionate termes : and what honest minde , in case of mortalitie , hath not a care , how the posterity may be informed of him ? Other reasons I haue elswhere assigned : and am here to present a vowe to Humilitie , in detestation of that , which my disposition abhorreth .

As for his lewd supposals , & imputations of counterfait praises , without anye probability of circumstance , or the least suspition , but in his owne vengeable malitious head , the common forge of pestilent surmyzes , and arrant slaunders ; they are like my imprisonment in the Fleete of his strong Fantasie , and doe but intimate his owne skill in falsifying of euidence , and suborning of witnesses to his purpose : he museth , as he vseth ; & the goodwife his mother would neuer haue sought her daughter in the Oouen , if herselfe had not beene well acquainted with such shiftes of cunninge conueiance . He was neuer a non proficient in good matters , ; and hath not studied his fellowes Arte of Cunnycatching for nothinge . Examin the Printers gentle Preamble before the Supplication to the Diuell : and tell me in good sooth , by the verdicte of the Tuchstone , whether Pierce Penniles commende Pierce Penniles , or no ; and whether that sory praise of the Authour Thomas Nashe , be not lothsome from the mouthe of the Printer Thomas Nashe . In coniectural causes I am not to auouch any thinge ; and I mentioned not anye such supposition before : but the tenour of the style , & as it were the identitye of the phrase , togither with this newe descant of his profound insight in forgery , may after a sort tel tales out of the tytle De Secretis non reuelandis ; & yeld a certain strong sauour of a vehement presumption . There is pregnant euidence enough , though I leaue probable cōrectures , & violent presumptions , wher I found them . His Life daily 〈◊〉 his Stile ; & his Stile notoriously bewraieth his Life . But what is that to me , or the world , howe Nashe liueth ; or howe the poore fellowe his father hath put him to his foisting , and scribling shiftes ; his onely gloria patri , when all is done . Rule thy desperate infamous penne ; & bee the sonne of a mule , or the printers Gentleman , or what thou wilt for me . If thou wilt needs deriue thy pettigree from the noble blood of the Kilprickes , and Childeberds , kinges of France : what commission haue I to sitt vpon Genealogies , or to call nobilitie in question ? If thou beist disposed to speake as thou liuest , & to liue like Tonosconcoleros , the famous Babilonian king : in curtesy , or in pollicy forbeare one , that is not ouer-hasty to troble himselfe with trobling other . What I haue heard credibly reported , I can yet be content to smother in silence : & nether threaten thee with Tiburne , nor Newgate , nor Ouldgate , nor Counter , nor Fleete , nor any publique penance ; but wishe thy amendment : and dare not be too sawcy with your good qualities , les you confute my Maistership of Arte , as you haue done my Doctorship of Lawe . Neuer poore Doctorship was soe confuted . The best is , I dote not vpon it ; and would rather be actually degraded , then any way disparage the degree , or derogate from them , that are worthier ofit . Rest you quiet ; and I will not onely not struggle with you for a tytle ; but offer here to renounce the whole aduantage of a late inquisition , vpon a clamorous denunciation of S. Fame herselfe : who presumed she might be as bould to play the blab with you , as you were to play the slouen with her . Or if your pen be so ranke , that it cannot stande vpon any ground , but the soile of Calumny , in the muck-yard of Impudency : or your tongue soe laxatiue , that it must vtterly vtter a great horrible deale more then all ; whuist a while : and for your instruction , til some pregnanter lessons come abrode , I wil breefely tell you in your care , A certaine familiar history ; of more then one or two breakefastes , wherein some eight or nine eggs , & a pound of butter for your pore part , with Gods plenty of other victuals , & wine enough , powred-in by quartes , and pottels , was a scant pittance for an inuincible stomack , two houres before his ordinary . I haue readd of Apicius , and Epicures Philosophy : but I perceaue you meane not to be accounted a Pythagorean , or a Stoique . What ? gorge vpon gorge , egges vpon egges , & sacke vpon sacke at these yeares ? Berlady , Sir Kilpricke , you must prouide for a hott kitchin againste you growe ould ; if you purpose to liue Doctor Pernes , or Doctor Kenols yeares . Such egging and whitling may happen bring you acquainted with the triumphant chariot of rotten egges ; if you take not the better order in tyme , with one , or two of the seuen deadly sinnes . I will not offend your stomacke with the nice and queint regiment of the dainty Platonistes , or pure Pythagoreans : fine Theurgy , too-gant and meager a doctrine for the Diuels Oratour : if the Arte Notory , cannot be gotten without fasting , and praying , muchgoditch-them that haue it : let phantasticall , or superstitious Abstinence , daunce in the aier , like Aristophanes clowdes , or Apuleius witches : your owne method of those deadly sinnes , be your Castell of Health . No remedy , you must be dieted ; & lett-blood in the Cephalica veine of Asses , fooles , doltes , ideots , Dunses , dodipoules , and so foorth infinitly : & neuer trust me , if you be not as tame-tonged , and barren-witted , as other honest men of Lumbardy , & the Low-Cuntries . Tushe man , I see deeper into thee , then thou seeist into thy selfe : thou hast a superficiall tange of some little somethinge , as good as nothing ; and a runing witt , as fisking as any fisgig , but as shallow as Trumpington foorde , and as slight as the newe workemanship of guegawes to please children , or of toys to mocke apes , or of trinketts to conquer sauages . Only in that singular veine of asses , thou art incomparable ; and such an egregious arrant foole-munger , as liueth not againe . She knew what she said , that intituled Pierce , the hoggeshed of witt : Penniles , the tospot of eloquence : & Nashe , the verye inuentor of Asses . She it is , that must broach the barrell of thy frisking conceite , and canonise the Patriarke of newe writers .

I will not heere decipher thy vnprinted packet of bawdye , and filthy Rymes , in the nastiest kind : there is a fitter place for that discouery of thy foulest shame , & the whole ruffianisme of thy brothell Muse , if she still prostitute her obscene ballatts , and will needes be a younge Curtisan of ould knauery . Yet better a Confuter of Letters , then a confounder of manners : and better the dogges-meate of Agrippa , or Cattes-meate of Poggius , then the swines-meate of Martial , or goates-meate of Arretine . Cannot an Itahan ribald , vomit-out the infectious poyson of the world , but an Inglishe horrel-lorrel must licke it vp for a restoratiue ; and attempt to putrify gentle mindes , with the vilest impostumes of lewde corruption ? Phy on impure Ganimeds , Hermaphrodits , Neronists , Messalinists , Dodecomechanists , Capricians , Inuentours of newe , or reuiuers of old leacheries , and the whole brood of venereous Libertines , that knowe no reason , but appetite , no Lawe but Luste , no humanitie , but villanye , noe diuinity but Atheisme . Such riotous , and incestuous humours would be launced , not feasted : the Diuell is eloquent enough , to play his owne Oratour : his Damme an old bawde , wanteth not the broccage of a young Poet : Wanton sprites were alwayes busie , & Duke Allocer on his lustye Cocke-horse , is a whot Familiar : the sonnes of Adam , & the daughters of Eue , haue noe neede of the Serpentes carowse to set them agogg : Sodome still burneth ; and although fier from heauen spare Gomorra , yet Gomorra stil consumeth itselfe . Euen amorous Sonnets , in the gallantest and sweetest ciuill veine , are but daintyes of a pleasurable witt , or iunkets of a wanton liuer , or buddes of an idle head : whatsoeuer sprowteth farther , would be lopped . Petrarckes Inuention , is pure Loue it selfe ; and Petrarckes Elocution , pure Bewty it selfe : his Laura was the Daphne of Apollo , not the T hisbe of Pyramus ; a delitious Sappho , not a lasciuious Lais ; a sauing Hester , not a destroying Helena ; a nimph of Diana , not a Curtisan of Venus . Aretines muse was an egregious bawd , & a haggishe witch of Thessalia : but Petrarcks verse , a fine loouer , that learneth of Mercury , to exercise his fayrest giftes in a faire subiect ; & teacheth Wit to be inamored vpon Beautye : as Quicksiluer embraseth gold ; or as vertue affecteth honour ; or as Astronomy gazeth vpon heauen ; to make Arte more excellent by contemplation of excellentest Nature . Petrarck was a delicate man , and with an elegant iudgement gratiously confined Loue within the limits of Honour ; Witt within the boundes of Discretion ; Eloquence within the termes of Ciuility : as not many yeares sithence , an Inglishe Petrarck did , a singular Gentleman , and a sweete Poet ; whose verse singeth , as valour might speake ; and whose ditty , is an Image of the Sun , voutsafing to represent his glorious face in a clowde . All posterity honour Petrarck , that was the harmony of heauen ; the lyfe of Poetry ; the grace of Arte ; a precious tablet of rare conceits , & a curious frame of exquisite workemanship ; nothing but neate Witt , and refined Eloquence . Were the amorous muse of my enemy , such aliuely Spring of sweetest flowers , & such a liuing Haruest of ripest fruits : I would abandon other loues , to dote vpon that mostlouely muse ; and would debase the Dyamant in comparison of that most Dyamant muse . But out-vpon ranke , & lothsome ribaldry , that putrifieth , where it should purify , and presumeth to deflowre the moste florishinge wittes , with whom it consorteth , eyther in familiarity , or by fauour . One Ouid was too-much for Roome ; and one Greene too-much for London : but one Nashe more intollerable then both : not bicause his witt is anye thinge comparable , but bicause his will is more outragious . Ferraria could scarcely brooke Manardus , a poysonous Phisitian : Mantua hardly beare Pomponatius , a poysonous Philosopher : Florence more hardly tollerate Macchiauel , a poysonous politician : Venice most hardly endure Arretine , a poysonous ribald : had they liued in absolute Monarchies , they would haue seemed vtterly insupportable . Germany , Denmarke , Sweden , Polony , Boemia , Hungary , Moscouy , are noe soiles of any such wittes : but neither Fraunce , nor Spaine , nor Turky , nor any puissant kingdom , in one , or other Monarchy of the old , or new world , could euer abide any such pernicious writers , deprauers of common discipline . Ingland , since it was Ingland , neuer bred more honorable mindes , more aduenturous hartes , more valoroushandes , or more excellent wittes , then of-late : it is enough for Filly-folly to intoxicate it selfe , though it be not suffered to defyle the lande , which the water enuironeth , the Earth enritcheth , the aier ensweeteneth , and the Heauen blesseth . The bounteous graces of God are sowen thicke , but come vp thin : corruption had little need to be fostred : wantonnesse wil be a nurse , a bawde , a Poet , a Legend to itselfe : vertue hath much-a doe to hold-out inuiolably her purposed course : Resolution is a forward fellow , and Valour a braue man ; but affections are infections , and appetite must sometime haue his swinge . Were Appetite a loyall subiect to Reason , and Will an affectionate seruant to Wisdom ; as Labour is a dutifull vassal to Commodity , and Trauail a flying post to Honour ; ô heauens , what exploites of worth , or rather what miracles of excellency , might be atcheeued in an age of Pollicy , & a world of Industry . The date of idle vanityes is expired : awaye with these scribling paltryes : there is an other Sparta in hande , that indeede requireth Spartan Temperance , Spartan Frugality , Spartan exercise , Spartan valiancye , Spartan perseuerance , Spartan inuincibility : and hath no wanton leasure for the Comedyes of Athens ; nor anye bawdy howers for the songes of Priapus , or the rymes of Nashe . Had he begun to Aretinize , when Elderton began to ballat , Gascoine to sonnet , Turberuile to madrigal , Drant to versify , or Tarleton to extemporise ; some parte of his phantasticall bibble-bables , and capricious panges , might haue bene tollerated in a greene , and wild youth : but the winde is chaunged , & there is a busier pageant vpon the stage . M. Aschams Toxophilus long fithence shot at a fairer marke : and M. Gascoigne himselfe , after some riper experience , was glad to trye other conclusions in the Lowe Countryes ; and bestowed an honorable commendation vpon Sir Humfrye Gilbertes gallant discourse , of a discouery for a newe passage to the East Indyes . But read the report of the worthy Westerne discoueries , by the said Sir Humfry Gilbert : the report of the braue West-Indian voyage by the conduction of Sir Frauncis Drake : the report of the horrible Septentrionall discoueryes by the trauail of Sir Martin Forbisher : the report of the politique discouery of Virginia , by the Colony of Sir Walter Raleigh : the report of sundry other famous discoueryes , & aduentures , published by M. Rychard Hackluit in one volume , a worke of importance : the report of the hoatt wellcom of the terrible Spanishe Armada to the coast of Inglande , that came in glory , and went in dishonour : the report of the redoubted voyage into Spaine , and Portugall , whence the braue Earle of Essex , and the twoo valorous Generals , Sir Iohn Norris , and Sir Frauncis Drake returned with honour : the report of the resolute encounter about the Iles Azores , bewixt the Reuenge of Ingland , and an Armada of Spaine ; in which encounter braue Sir Richard Grinuile most vigorously & impetuously attempted the extreamest possibilities of valour and fury : for breuity I ouerskipp many excellent Traicts the same , or the like nature : but reade these , and M. William Borrowghes notable discourse of the variation of the compas , or magneticall needle ; annexed to the new Attractiue of Robert Norman Hydrographer : vnto which two , Ingland in some respectes is as much beholding , as Spayne vnto Martin Cortes , & Peter de Medina , for the Arte of Nauigation : and when you haue obserued the course of Industry ; examined the antecedents , and consequents of Trauail ; compared Inglish , and Spanish valour ; measured the Forces of both parties ; weighed euery circumstance of Aduantage ; considered the Meanes of our assurance and finally found proffit to be our pleasure , prouision our security , labour our honour , warfare our welfare : who of reckoning , can spare anye lewde , or vaine tyme for corrupt pamphlets ; or who of iudgment , will not cry ? away with these paultringe fidlefaddles . When Alexander in his conquerous expeditions visited the ruines of Troy , and reuolued in his minde the valiant actes of the Heroicall Woorthies there atchieued ; One offered to bring his Maiesty , the Harpe of Paris : Let it alone , quoth hee , it is the Harpe of Achilles , that must serue my turne . Paris vppon his harpe , sang voluptuous , & lasciuious Carols : Achilles harpe was an instrument of glory , and a quier of diuine Hymnes , consecrated to the honour of valorous Captaines , and mighty Conquerours . He regarded not the dainety Lydian , Iônian , or Aeolian Melody : but the braue Dorian , and impetuous Phrygian Musique : and waged Zenophantus to inflame and enrage his courage with the furious notes of Battail . One Alexander was a thousand Examples of Prowesse : but Pyrrhus , the redoubted king of the Epirots , was an other Alexander in tempestuous execution : and in a most-noble resolution contemned the Vanities of vnnoble Pastimes : in so much that , when one of his Barons asked his Maiestie , whether of the twoo Musitians , Charisius , or Python , pleased his Highnesse better : Whether of the two , quoth Pyrrhus ; marry Polysperces shall go for my money . He was a braue Captaine for the eie , & a fitt Musitian for the eare of Pyrrhus . Happy Polysperces , that serued such a master : and happy Pyrrhus that commaunded such a seruaunt . Were some demaunded , whether Greenes , or Nashes Pamflets , were better penned : I beleeue they would aunsweare ; Sir Roger Williams Discourse of War , for Militare Doctrine in Esse ; and M. Thomas Digges Stratioticos , for Militare Discipline in Esse . And whiles I remember the Princely care of Gelo , a famous Tyrant of Sicill , ( many tyrants of Sicill were very politique ) that commaunded his great horse to be brought into the banquetting house , where other Lordes called for the Harpe , other Knightes for the Waites : I cannot forget the gallant discourse of Horsemanship , penned by a rare gentleman , M. Iohn Asteley of the Court : whome I dare intitle our Inglish Xenophon ; and maruell not , that Pietro Bizzaro , a learned Italian , proposeth him for a perfect Patterne of Castilios Courtier . And thinking vpon worthy M. Asteley , I cannot ouerpasse the like labour of good M. Thomas Blundeuil , without due commendation : whose painefull , and skillfull bookes of Horsemanship , deserue also to be registred in the Catalogue of Xenophontian woorkes . What should I speake of the two braue Knightes , Musidorus , and Pyrocles , combined in one excellent knight , Sir Philip Sidney ; at the remembrance of whose woorthy , and sweete Vertues , my hart melteth ? Will you needes haue a written Pallace of Pleasure , or rather a printed Court of Honour ? Read the Countesse of Pembrookes Arcadia , a gallant Legendary , full of pleasurable accidents , and proffitable discourses ; for three thinges especially , very notable ; for amorous Courting , ( he was young in yeeres ; ) for sage counselling , ( he was ripe in iudgement ; ) and for valorous fighting , ( his soueraine profession was Armes : ) and delightfull pastime by way of Pastorall exercises , may passe for the fourth . He that will Looue , let him learne to looue of him , that will teach him to Liue ; & furnish him with many pithy , and effectuall instructions , delectably interlaced by way of proper descriptions of excellent Personages , and common narrations of other notable occurrences ; in the veine of Salust , Liuy , Cornelius Tacitus , Iustine , Eutropius , Philip de Comines , Guicciardine , and the most sententious Historians , that haue powdred their stile with the salt of discretion , and seasoned their iudgement with the leauen of experience . There want not some suttle Stratagems of importance , and some politique Secretes of priuitie : and he that would skillfully , and brauely manage his weapon with a cunning Fury , may finde liuely Precepts in the gallant Examples of his valiantest Duellists ; especially of Palladius , and Daiphantus ; Zelmane , and Amphialus ; Phalantus , and Amphialus : but chiefly of Argalus , and Amphialus ; Pyrocles , and Anaxius ; Musidorus , and Amphialus ; whose lusty combats , may seeme Heroicall Monomachies . And that the valor of such redoubted men , may appeere the more conspicuous , and admirable , by comparison , and interview of their contraries ; smile at the ridiculous encounters of Dametas , & Dorus ; of Dametas , and Clinias : and euer when you thinke vpon Dametas , remember the Confuting Champion , more surquidrous then Anaxius , and more absurd then Dametas : and if I should alwayes hereafter call him Dametas , I should fitt him with a name , as naturally proper vnto him , as his owne . Gallant Gentlemen , you that honor Vertue , and would enkindle a noble courage in your mindes to euery excellent purpose ; if Homer be not at hand , ( whome I haue often tearmed the Prince of Poets , and the Poet of Princes ) you may read his furious Iliads , & cunning Odysses in the braue aduentures of Pyrocles , and Musidorus : where Pyrocles playeth the dowty fighter , like Hector , or Achilles ; Musidorus , the valiant Captaine , like Pandarus , or Diomedes ; both , the famous errant Knightes , like AEneas , or Vlysses . Lord , what would himselfe haue prooued in fine , that was the gentleman of Curtesy , the Esquier of Industry , and the Knight of Valour at those yeeres ? Liue euer sweete Booke ; the siluer Image of his gentle witt , and the golden Pillar of his noble courage : and euer notify vnto the worlde , that thy Writer , was the Secretary of Eloquence ; the breath of the Muses ; the hoony-bee of the dayntiest flowers of Witt , and Arte ; the Pith of morall , & intellectuall Vertues ; the arme of Bellona in the field ; the toung of Suada in the chamber ; the spirite of Practise in esse ; and the Paragon of Excellency in Print . And now whiles I consider , what a Trompet of Honour , Homer hath bene to sturre-vp many woorthy Princes ; I cannot forget the woorthy Prince , that is a Homer to himselfe , a Golden spurre to Nobility , a Scepter to Vertue , a Verdure to the Spring , a Sunne to the day ; and hath not onely translated the two diuine Poems of Salustius du Bartas , his heauenly Vrany , and his hellish Furies : but hath readd a most valorous Martial Lecture vnto himselfe in his owne victorious Lepanto , a short , but heroicall worke , in meeter , but royal meeter , fitt for a Dauids harpe . Lepanto , first the glory of Christendome against the Turke ; and now the garland of a soueraine crowne . When young Kings haue such a care of their flourishing Prime ; and like Cato , are ready to render an accompt of their vacant howers ; as if Aprill were their Iuly , and May their August : how should gentlemen of yeeres , employ the golden talent of their Industry , and trauaile : with what feruency ; with what vigour ; with what zeale , with what incessant , and indefatigable endeour : Phy vpon fooleries : there be honourable woerkers to doe ; and notable workes to read . The afore-named Bar●…as , ( whome elsewhere I haue stiled the Treasurer of Humanity , and the Ieweller of Diuinity ) for the highnesse of his subiect , and the maiesty of his verse , nothing inferiour vnto Dante , ( whome some Italians preferre before Virgil , or Homer , ) a right inspited , and enrauished Poet ; full of chosen , graue , profound , venerable , and stately matter ; euen in the next Degree to the sacred , and reuerend stile of heauenly Diuinity it selfe . In a manner the onely Poet , whome Vrany hath voutsafed to Laureate with her owne heauenly hand : and worthy to bee alleadged of Diuines , and Counsellours , as Homer is quoted of Philosophers , & Oratours . Many of his solemne verses , are oracles : & one Bartas , that is , one French Salomon , more weighty in stern , and mighty counsell , then the Seauen Sages of Greece . Neuer more beauty in vulgar Languages : but his stile addeth fauour , and grace to beauty ; and in a goodly Boddy representeth a puissant Soule . How few verses carry such a personage of state ? or how few argumentes , such a spirite of maiesty ? Or where is the diuine instincte , that can sufficiently commend such a volume of celestiall inspiration ? What a iudgement hath the noble youth , the haruest of the Spring , the sapp of Apollos tree , the diademe of the Muses , that leaueth the enticingest flowers of delite , to reape the maturest fruites of wisedome ? Happy plants , that speedily shew-foorth their generous nature : and a soueraigne good possesseth those worthy mindes , that suffer not their affections to be inueigled , or entangled with any vnworthy thought . Great Excercises become great personages : as the Magnes approoueth his Nobility in commaunding Iron , and taming the Sea : baser , or meaner pastimes belong vnto meaner Persons ; as Iett discouereth his gentry , in drawing chaffe , haires , and such trifles . A meete qualitie for Iett , or a pretty feate for Amber , to iuggle chaffe , festues , or the like weighty burdens : but excellent mindes are employed , like the noble Magnes , and euer conuersant either in effecting , or in perusing , or in penning excellent workes . It were an impossible attempte , to do right vnto the great Captaine , Monsieur de la Noë , and the braue soldiour , the French King himselfe , two terrible thunderboltes of warre , and two impetuous whirlewinds of the Field : whose writinges are like their actions , resolute , effectuall , valiant , politique , vigorous , full of aëry , & fiery spirite , honourable , renowned wheresoeuer Valour hath a mouth , or Vertue a pen . Could the Warlie Horse speake , as he can runne , and fight , he would tell them , they are hoat Knightes : and could the bluddy Sword write , as it can sheare , it would dedicate a volume of Fury vnto the one , and a monument of Victory vnto the other . Albeit men should be malitious , or forgetfull , ( Spite is malitious , and Ingratitude forgetfull ) yet Prowesse hath a Clouen Tounge ; and teacheth Admiration in a fiery language to pleade the glorious honour of emproued valiancy .

Some accuse their destiny : but blessed Key , that openeth such lockes : and lucky , most lucky fortune , that yeeldeth such ve●…tue . Braue Chiualry , a continuall witnesse of their valour and terribility in warre : and gallant Industry , the dayly bread of their life , in peace , or truce . Report shining Sunne , the dayes worke of the King : and burning Candle , relat●… his Nightes-studdy : and both ridd me of an 〈◊〉 For who euer praysed the wonders of Heauen ?

And what an infinite course were it , to runne-thorough the particular commendations of the famous redoubted 〈◊〉 or then 〈◊〉 pregnant writers of this age , euen in the most-puissant Heroieall , and Argonauticall kinde ?

Nimble Entelechy hath beene a straunger in some Countries : albeit a renowned Citisen of Greece ; and a free Denisen of Italy , Spaine , Fra●…nce , and Germany : but wellcome the most-naturall inhabitant of the 〈◊〉 , the faile of the ship , the flight of the bowe , the shott of the gunne , the wing of the Eagle , the quintessence of the minde , the course of the sunne , the motion of the heauens , the influence of the starres , the heate of the fire , the lightnesse of the Ayer , the swiftnesse of the winde , the streame of the water , the frutefulnesse of the Earth , the singularitie of this age : and thanke thy most-vigorous felfe for so many precious workes of diuine furie , and powerable consequence ; respectiuely comparable with the richest Treasuries , and brauest armories of Antiquitie . Thvise happie , or rather a thousand times-happie Creature , that with most aduantage of all honorable opportunities , & with the extremest possibilitie of his whole powers , inward , or outward ; emploieth the most-excellent excellencie of humane , or diuine Nature . Other Secretes of Nature , and Arte , deserue an high reputation in their seuerall degrees , and may challenge a souerain interteinement in their speciall kinds : but Entelechy is the mysterie of mysteries vnder heauen , and the head-spring of the powerfullest Vertues , that diuinitie infuseth , humanitie imbraceth , Philosophie admireth , wisedome practiseth , Industrie emproueth , valour extendeth ; or he conceiued , that conceiuing the wonderfull faculties of the mind , & astonished with the incredible force of a rauished , & enthusiasticall spirite ; in a profound contemplation of that eleuate , and transcendent capacitie , ( as it were in a deepe ecstasie , or Seraphicall vision , ) most-pathetically cryed-out ; ô magnum miraculum Homo . No maruel , ô great miracle , & ô most powerful Entelechy , though thou seemist A Pilgrim to Dametas , that art the Familiar Spirite of Musidorus : & what wonder , though he empeach thy estimation , that despiseth the graces of God , flowteth the constellations of heauen , frumpeth the operations of nature , mocketh the effectuallest & auayllablest Arts , disdayneth the name of Industrie , or Honesty , scometh whatsoeuer may appeare Vertuous , fawneth onely vpon his owne conceits , claweth only his owne fauorits , and quippeth , bourdeth , girdeth , asseth the excellentest writers of whatsoeuer note , that tickle not his wanton sense . Nothing memorable , or remarkable with hm , that feasteth not the riotous appetite of the ribald , or the humorous conceit of the phantast . It is his S. Fame , to be the infamy of learning : his reformation , to be the corruption of his reader : his felicitie , to be the miserie of youth : his health , to be the scurfe of the Citie , the scabbe of the Vniuersitie , the bile of the Realme : his saluation , to be the damnation of whatsoeuer is termed good , or accounted honest . Sweet Gentlemen , and florishing youthes , euer aime at the right line of Arte , and Vertue , of the one for knowledge , of the other for valour : and let the crooked rectifie itselfe . Resolution wandreth not , like an ignorant Traueller , but in euery enterprise , in euery affaire , in euery studdie , in euery cogitation leuelleth at some certaintie ; and alwayes hath an eye to Vse , an eare to good report ; a regard to worth , a respect to assurance , and a reference to the end . He that erreth , erreth against Truth , and himselfe : and he that sinneth , sinneth against God , and himselfe : he is none of my charge : it suffiseth me to be the Curate of myne owne actions , the master of mine owne passions , the frend of my frends , the pittyer of my enemies , the loouer of good witts , and honest mindes , the affectionate seruant of Artes , & Vertues , the humble Oratour of noble Valour , the Commender of the foresaid honorable writinges , or any commendable workes . Reason is no mans tyrant : & Dutie euery mans vassall , that deserueth well . Would this pen were worthy to be the slaue of the worthiest actours , or the bondman of the aboue-mentioned , and the-like important Autours . Such Mercuriall , and Martiall Discourses , in the actiue , and chiualrous veine ; pleade their owne eternall honour : and write euerlasting shame in the forhead of a thousand friuolous , & ten thousand phantasticall Pamflets . I would to Christ , some of them were but idle toyes , or vayne trifles : but impuritie neuer presumed somuch of impunitie : and licentious follie by priuiledge , lewd ribaldrie by permission , and rank villanie by conniuence , are become famous Autours : not in a popular state , or a petty-principalitie , but in a souerain Monarchie , that tendereth politique gouernment , & is to fortifie itselfe against forrein hostilitie . If Wisedome say not , Phie for shame ; & Autoritie take not other order in conuenient time : who can tell , what generall plague may ensue of a speciall infection ? or when the kinges-euill is past cure , who can say , we will now heale it ? The baddest weede , groweth fastest : and no Gangrene so pregnantly dispreddeth itselfe , as riott . And what riott so pestiferous , as that , which in sugred baites presenteth most poisonous hookes ? Sir Skelton , and Master Scoggin , were but Innocents to Signior Capricio , and Monsieur Madnesse : whose pestilent canker 〈◊〉 all the Medicine of Earth , or heauen .

My writing , is but a priuate note for the publique aduertisement of some fewe : whose youth asketh instruction , & whose frailtie needeth admonition . In the cure of a canker , it is a generall rule with Surgeons : It neuer perfectly healeth , vnlesse the rootes and all be vtterly extirped ; and the fleshe regenerate . But the soundest Principle is : Principijs obsta : & it goeth best with them , that neuer knewe , what a canker , or leper meant .

I still hoped for some graffes of better fruite : but this grand Confuter of my Letters , and all honestie , still proceedeth from worse to worse , from the wilding-tree to the withie , from the dogge to the goate , from the catt to the swine , from Primerose hill to Colman hedge : and is so rooted in deepe Vanitie , that there is no ende of his profound follie . Which deserueth a more famous Encomiasticall Oration , then Erasmus renowned Follie : and more gloriously disdaineth any cure , then the Goute . I may answer his hoat rauing in cold termes : and conuince him of what notorious falsehood , or villanie I can : but see the franke spirite of a full stomack : & who euer was so parlously matched ? Were not my simplicitie , or his omnisuficiencie exceeding great ; I had neuer bene thus terriblie ouerchallēged . Gabriel , if there be any witt , or industrie in thee , now I will dare it to the vttermost : write of what thou wilt , in what language thou wilt , and I will confute it , and answere it . Take Truthes part , & I will pro●…ue truth to be no truth , marching out of thy doung-voiding mouth : & so forth in the brauing tenour of the same redoutable stile . Good Gentlemen , you see the sweet disposition of the man ; & neede no other window into the closet of his conscience , but his owne Glosse vpon his owne Text. Whatsoeuer poore I say , in any matter , or in any language , albeit Truth auerr and iustifie the same , he will flatly denie , and confute , euen bicause I say it ; & onely bicause in a frolick and dowtie iollitie , he will haue the last word of me . His Grammer , is his Catechisme ; Si ais , nego : his stomack , his Dictionarie in any language : and his quarrell , his Logique in any argument : Lucian , Iulian , Aretin , I protest were you ought else but abhominable Atheists , that I would obstinatly defende you , onely bicause Laureate Gabriel articles against you . Were there not otherwise a maruelous oddes , and incomprehensible difference betwixt our habilities , he would neuer dare me , like a bold Pandare , with such stout challenges , and glorious protestations : but singular wittes haue a great aduantage of simple men : and ●…unning Falsehood is a mightie confuter of plaine Truth .

No such champion , as he that fighteth obstinatly with the target of Confidence , and the long-sword of Impudence . If any thing extraordinarily emprooueth valour , it is Confidence : and if any thing miraculously singularizeth witt , it is Impudence . Distrust , is a naturall foole : and Modestie , an artificiall foole : he that will exploit wōdermentes , and karrie all before him , like a sweepe-stake , must haue a hart of Iron , a forhead of Brasse , and a toung of Adamant . Pelting circumstances , marre braue executions : looke into the proceedinges of the greatest doers ; and what haue they more then other men , but Audacitie , and Fortune ?

Audendum est aliquid , Vinclis , & carcere dignum ,

Si vis esse aliquid . Simplicitie may haue a gesse at the Principles of the world : and Nashe affecteth to seeme a compound of such Elementes ; as bold , as aeger , and as aeger , as a mad dogge . He will confute me , bicause he will : and he can conquer me , bicause he can . If I come vpon him with a gentle reply , he will welcome me with a fierce reioynder : for any my briefe Triplication , he will prouide a Quadruplication at-large : & so forth in infinitum , with an vndauntable courage : for he sweareth , he will neuer leaue me as long as he is hable to lift a penne . Twentie such famous depositions proclaime his dowtie resolution , and indefatigable hand at a pight fielde . Were I to begin agayne , or cold I handsomely deuise to giue him the cleanly slipp , I would neuer deale with a sprite of Coleman hedge , or a May-Lord of Primerose hill ; that hath all humours in his liuerie , & can put conscience in a Vices coate . Na , hee will atchieue impossibilities ; and in contempt of my simplicitie , prooue Truth a counterfaict , and himselfe a true witnesse of falsest lyes . But Lord , that so inuincible a Gentleman should make so solemne account , of confuting , and reconfuting a person of so litle worth in his valuation ? Sweet man , what should you thinke of troubling your-selfe with so tedious a course , when you might so blithly haue taken a quicker order , & may yet proceede more compendiously ? It had bene a worthy exploit , and beseeming a witt of supererogation , to haue dipped a sopp in a goblet of re●…ish wine ; and naming it Gabriel , ( for you are now growne into great familiaritie with that name ) to haue deuoured him vpp at one bit : or taking a pickle herring by the throte , and christening it Richard , ( for you can christen him at your pleasure ) to haue swallowed him downe with a stomack . Did you neuer heare of detestable Iewes , that made a picture of Christ ; and then buffetted , cuggelled , scourged , crucified , stabbed , pierced , and mangled the-same most vnmercifully ? Now you haue a patterne , I doubt not but you can with a dexteritie , choppof the head of a dead hoony-bee , and boast you haue stricken Iohn , as dead as a doore-nayle . Other spoyle , or victorie ( by the leaue of the foresaid redoubted daring ) will prooue a busie peece of worke for the sonne of a mule , a rawe Grammarian , a brabling Sophister , a counterfaict cranke , a stale rakehell , a piperly rymer , a stump-worne railer , a dodkin autor : whose two swordes , are like the hornes of an hodmandod ; whose courage , like the furie of a gad-bee ; and whose surmounting brauerie , like the wings of a butterfly . I take no pleasure to call thee an Asse : but thou proouest thi-selfe a Haddock : and although I say not , Thou art a foole , yet thou wilt needs bewray thy diet , and disgorge thy stomack of the Lobster , and coddeshed , wherewith thou didst englutt thiselfe , since thy notorious surfett of pikle herring , & dogfish . Thou art neither Dorbell , nor Duns , nor Thomas of Aquine : they were three sharp-edged , and quicksented schoolemen , full of nimble witt , and intricate quiddities in their arguing kinde , especially Duns , and Thomas : but by some of thy cauilling Ergos , thou shouldest seeme to be the spawne of Iauell , or Tartaret : & as very a crabfish at an Ergo , as euer crawled-ouer Carters Logique , or the Posteriorums of Iohannes de Lapide . When I looke vpon thy first page ( as I daily behold that terrible Emprese for a recreation ) still methinkes there should come flushing-out the great Atlas of Logique , and Astronomie , that supported the orbes of the heauens by Art : or the mightie Hercules of Rhetorique and Poetrie , that with certaine maruelous fine , and delicate chaines , drewe after him the vassals of the world by the eares . But examin his suttelliest Ergos , & tast his nappiest Inuention , or daintiest Elocution , ( he that hath nothing else to do , may hold himselfe occupied ) : and Art will soone finde the huge Behemoth of Conceit , to be the sprat of a pickle herring and the hideous Leuiathan of Vainglorie , to be a 〈◊〉 in Witt , a periwinkle in Art , a dandiprat in Industrie , a dodkin in Valu ; and such a toy of toyes , as euery right Schollar hisseth at in iudgement , and euery fine Gentleman maketh the Obiect of his scorne . He can raile : ( what mad Bedlam cannot raile ? ) but the sauour of his railing , is grosely fell , and smelleth noysomly of the pumpe , or a nastier thing . His gayest floorishes , are but Gascoignes weedes , or Tarletons trickts or Greenes crankes , or Marlowes brauados : his iests but the dregges of common fcurrilitie , or the shreds of the theater , or the of-scouring of new Pamflets : his freshest nippitatie , but the froth of stale inuentions , long-since lothsome to quick tastes : his shrouing ware , but lenten stuff , like the old pickle herring : his lustiest verdure , but ranke ordure , not to be named in Ciuilitie , or Rhetorique : his only Art , & the vengeable drift of his whole cunning , to mangle my sentences , hack my arguments , chopp and change my phrases , wrinch my wordes , and hale euery fillable most extremely ; euen to the disioynting , and maiming of my whole meaning . O times : ô pastimes : ó monstrous knauerie . The residue whatsoeuer , hath nothing more in it , then is vsuallie in euery ruffianly Copesmate , that hath bene a Grammar schollar , readeth riotous bookes , hanteth roisterly companie , delighteth in rude scoffing , & karrieth a desperate minde . Let him be thorowly perused by any indifferent reader whomsoeuer , that can iudiciously discerne , what is what ; and will vprightly censure him according to his skill , without partialitie pro , or contra : and I dare vndertake , he will affirme no lesse , vpon the credit of his iudgement ; but will definitiuely pronounce him , the very Baggage of new writers . I could nominate the person , that vnder his hand-writing hath stiled him , The cockish challenger , the lewd scribler , the offal of corruptest mouthes , the draff of filthiest pennes , the bag-pudding of fooles , & the very pudding-pittes of the wise , or honest . He might haue read of foure notable thinges , which many a iollie man weeneth he hath at will , when he hath nothing lesse : much knowledge ; sound wisedome ; great power ; & many frends . And he might haue heard of other foure speciall thinges , that worke the destruction , or confusion of the forwardest practitioners : a headlong desire to know much hastily a greedie thirst to haue much suddainly ; an ouerweening conceit of themselues ; and a surly contempt of other . I could peraduenture arread him his fortune in a fatall booke , as verifiable , as peremptorie : but I looue not to insult vpon miserie : & Destinie is a Iudge , whose sentence needeth no other execution , but itselfe . No preuention , but deepe repentance ; an impossible remedy , where deepe bstinacie is grounded , and high Presumption aspireth aboue the Moone . Hawtie minds may stie aloft , and hasten their owne ouerthrow : but it is not the wainscott forhead of a Rudhuddibras , that can arreare such an huge opinion , as himselfe in a strong conceit of a mighty conception , seemeth to trauaill withall : as it were with a flying Bladude , attempting wonderments in the Ayre , or a Simon Magus , experimenting impossibilities from the top of the Capitoll . He must either accomplish some greater worke of Supererogation , with actual atchieuement , ( that is now a principall point ) : or immortalize himselfe the prowdest Vaine sott , that euer abused the world with foppish ostentation ; not in one , or two pages , but in the first , the last , & euery leafe of his Strange Newes . For the end is like the beginning ; the midst like both ; and euery part like the whole . Railing , railing , railing : bragging , bragging , bragging : and nothing else , but fowle railing vpon railing , and vayne bragging vpon bragging ; as rudely , grosely , odiously , filthily , beastly , as euer shamed Print . Vnlesse he meant to sett-vpp a Railing Schoole , and to read a publike Lecture of bragging , as the onely regall professour of that , and that facultie , now other shiftes begin to fayle ; I wonder , his owne mouth ca●… abide it without many a phah . You haue heard some worthie Premisses : behold a braue conclusion : Awaite the world , the Tragedy of Wrath : What next I paint , shall tread no common Path : with an other doubble Aut , for a gallant Embleme , or a glorious Farewell ; Aut nunquam tentes , aut perfice . Subscribed with his owne hand ; Thomas Nash. Not expect , or attend , but a wait : not somefew , some few , or the Citty , or the Vniuersity , or this Land , or Europe , but the World : not a Comedy , or a Declamation , or an Inuectiue , or a Satire , or any like Elencticall discourse : but a Tragedy , and the very Tragedy of Wrath ; that shall dash the direfullest Tragedies of Seneca , Euripides , or Sophocles , out of Conceit . The next peece , not of his Rhetorique , or Poetry , but of his Painture , shall not treade the way to Poules , or Westminster , or the Royall Exchange ; but at least shall perfect the Venus face of Apelles , or sett the world an euerlasting Sample of inimitable artificiality . Other mens writing in prose , or verse , may plodd-on , as before : but his Pamting will now tread Arare Path ; and by the way bestow A new Lesson vppon Rhetorique , how to continue a metaphor , or vphold an Allegory with aduauntage . The treading of that rare Path , by that exquisite Painting , ( his woorkes are miracles ; and his Painting , can treade , like his dauncing , or frisking , no common , but a proper Path ) who expecteth not with an attentiue , a seruiceable , a coouetous , a longing expectation ? A wait world : and Apelles tender thy most affectionate deuotion , to learne a wonderfull peece of curious workemanship , when it shall please his next Painting to tread the path of his most singular singularity . Meane-while it hath pleased soome sweete wittes of my acquaintaunce , ( whome Heauen hath baptized the Spirites of harmony , and the Muses haue enterteyned for their Paramours ) to reacquite Sonnets with Sonnets , and to snibb the Thrason●…call rimester with Angelical meeter , that may haply appeere in fitt place : and finely discouer young Apuleius in his ramping roabe ; the fourth Furie in his Tragicall Pageant ; the new Sprite in his proper haunt , or buttry ; and the confuting Diuell in the horologe . One She , & two He 's haue vowed , they will pumpe his Railing Inkhorne as dry , as euer was Holborne Conduit : and squise his Craking Quill to as emptie a spunge , as any in Hosier Lane . Which of you , gallant Gentlemen , hath not stripped his stale Iestes into their thredbare ragges ; or so seldome as an hundred times pittied his creast-falne stile , & his socket-worne inuention ? Who would haue thought , or could haue imagined , to haue found the witt of Pierce , so starued and clunged : the conceit of an aduersarie , so weatherbeaten , and tired : the learning of a schollar , so pore-blind , and lame : the elocution of the Diuels Oratour , so lanke , so wan , so meager , so blunt , so dull , so fordead , so gastly , where the masculine Furie meant to play his grisliest , and horriblest part ? Welfare a good visage in a bad cause : or farwell Hope , the kindest coosener of forlorne harts . The desperate minde , that assayeth impossibilities in nature , or vndertaketh incredibilities in Art , must be content to speed thereafter . When euery attempt faileth in performance , and euery extremitie foileth the enterpriser , at-last euen Impudencie itselfe must be faine to giue-ouer in the plaine fielde : and neuer yeeld credit to the word of that most credible Gentlewoman , if the very brasen buckler prooue not finally a notorious Dash-Nash . He summed all in a briefe , but materiall Summe ; that called the old Asse , the great A , and the est Amen of the new Supererogation . And were I here compelled to dispatch abruptly , ( as I am presently called to a more commodious exercise ) should I not sufficiently haue discharged my taske ; and plentifully haue commended that famous creature , whose prayse the Title of this Pamflet professeth ? He that would honor Alexander , may crowne him the great A. of puissance : but Pyrrhus , Hanniball , Scipio , Pompey , Caesar , diuers other mightie Conquerours , & cuen som moderne Worthies would disdaine , to haue him sceptred the est-Amen of Valour . What a braue , and incomparable Alexander , is that great A. that is also the est-Amen of Supererogation ; a more miraculous and impossible peece of worke , them the dowtiest puissance , or worthiest valour in the old , or new world ? Shall I say , blessed , or peerelesse young Apuleius , that from the swathing bandes of his infancie in Print , was suckled of the sweetestnurses , lulled of the deerest groomes , cockered of the finest minions , cowled of the daintiest paramours , hugged of the enticingest darlinges , and more then tenderly tendered of the most delitious Muses , the most-amiable Graces , and the most-powerfull Venues of the said vnmatchable great A. the graund founder of Supererogation , and sole Patron of such meritorious clients . As for other remarkable Particulars in the Straunge Newes ; Ink is so like Ink , spite so like spite , impudencie so like impudencie , brocage so like brocage , and Tom-Penniles now , so like Papp-hatchet , when the time was ; that I neede but ouerrun an old censure of the One , by way of a new application to the Other . The notes of Martinisme appertaine vnto those , whom they concerne . Pierce would laugh , to be charged with Martinisme , or any Religion : though Martin himselfe for a challenging , rufling , and railing : stile , not such a Martin . Two contraries ; but two such contraries , as can teach Extremities to play the contraries , and to confound themselues .

Papp-hatchet , desirous for his benefit , to currie fauour with a noble Earle ; and in defect of other meanes of Commendation , labouring to insinuate himselfe by smooth glosing , & counterfait suggestions , ( it is a Courtlyfeate , to snatch the least occasioner of aduantage , with a nimble dexteritie ) ; some yeares since prouoked me , to make the best of it , inconsideratly ; to speake like a frend , vnfrendly ; to say , as it was , intolerably ; without priuate cause , or any reason in the world : ( for in truth I looued him , in hope praysed him ; many wayes fauored him , and neuer any way offended him ) : and notwithstanding that spitefull prouocation , and euen that odious threatening of ten yeares prouision , he had euer passed vntouched with any sillable of reuenge in Print , had not Greene , and this dog-fish , abhominably misused the verbe passiue ; as should appeare , by his procurement , or encouragement , assuredly most vndeserued , and most iniurious . For what other quarrel , could Greene , or this dogge-fish euer picke with me : whom I neuer so much as twitched by the sleeue , before I founde miselfe , and my dearest frendes , vnsufferably quipped in most contumelious , and opprobrious termes . But now there is no remedie , haue amongest you , blind Harpers of the Printing house : for I feare not six hundred Crowders , were all your wittes assembled in one capp of Vanitie , or all your galles vnited in one bladder of choler . I haue lost more labour , then the transcripting of this Censure : which I dedicate neither to Lord , nor Lady , but to Truth , and Aequitie ; on whose souerain Patronage Irelye .