Apollo Shroving Hawkins, William This text is an enriched version of the TCP digital transcription A02827 of text S106116 in the English Short Title Catalog (STC 12963). Textual changes and metadata enrichments aim at making the text more computationally tractable, easier to read, and suitable for network-based collaborative curation by amateur and professional end users from many walks of life. The text has been tokenized and linguistically annotated with MorphAdorner. The annotation includes standard spellings that support the display of a text in a standardized format that preserves archaic forms ('loveth', 'seekest'). Textual changes aim at restoring the text the author or stationer meant to publish. Martin Mueller Incompletely or incorrectly transcribed words were reviewed and in many cases fixed by Hannah Bredar Kate Needham This text has not been fully proofread EarlyPrint Project Evanston IL, Notre Dame IN, St.Louis, Washington MO 2017 Distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License A02827.xml Apollo shrouing composed for the schollars of the free-schoole of Hadleigh in Suffolke. And acted by them on Shrouetuesday, being the sixt of February, 1626. Hawkins, William, d. 1637. 52 600dpi TIFF G4 page images University of Michigan, Digital Library Production Service Ann Arbor, Michigan 2004 May (TCP phase 1) 99841841 STC (2nd ed.) 12963. Greg, II, 414. 6455 A02827 2240940525

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 Apollo shrouing composed for the schollars of the free-schoole of Hadleigh in Suffolke. And acted by them on Shrouetuesday, being the sixt of February, 1626. Apollo shroving Apollo shroving. Hawkins, William, d. 1637. [8], 96 p. Printed for Robert Mylbourne, London : [1627] 1627

Partly in verse.

Anonymous. By William Hawkins.

First two words of title are xylographic.

Publication date from STC.

The first leaf is blank.

Reproduction of the original in the Library of Congress.

 A02827 shc Apollo Shroving Hawkins, William Hannah Bredar Kate Needham 1627 play comedy shc no A02827 S106116 (STC 12963). 104 30160 0 0 0 265 3 0 87.53 D The rate of 87.53 defects per 10,000 words puts this text in the D category of texts with between 35 and 100 defects per 10,000 words. Incorporated ~ 10,000 textual changes made to the SHC corpus by Hannah Bredar, Kate Needham, and Lydia Zoells between April and July 2015 during visits, separately or together, to the Bodleian, Folger and Houghton Libraries as well as the Rare Book Libraries at Northwestern University and the University of Chicago

APOLLO SHROVING

COMPOSED for the Schollars of the Free-schoole of Hadleigh in Suffolke .

And acted by them on Shrouetuesday , being the sixt of February , 1626 .

LONDON , Printed for Robert Mylbourne .

To my singular honest Stationer , Mr. Robert Mylbourne , at his shop in decimo sexto , by the south doore of Pauls .

AS you are a true Booke-seller , you must approue your selfe a true Booke-restorer : and therfore by booke or by crooke , see that you send backe my Book . And yet not my Booke . For it was but a borrowed Booke , for which my promise and credit lye in mortgage to the Author , the Schoolemaster of Hadley , who with some difficulty lent it me , hauing no other coppy of this English Lesson which . he prepared for a By-exercise for his schollars at the last Carneual . He told me that hee huddled it vp in hast , and that it being onely an essay of his owne faculty , and of the actiuity of his tenderlings , he was loath it should come vnder any other eye , then of those Parents and domestique friends who fauourably beheld it , when it was represented by the children . And therefore , I must be , and am tender of suffering it to wander I know not whither , by the out let of your friends hand : whom as I know not , so I cannot challenge of any trust ; but require restitution of you , as the Author doth of me . So , expecting without delay , the returne of this bird into the cage , I end with a threat , that if you faile , you must looke to haue this Comedy turned into a Tragedy , and , for detaining this booke , to haue your name set on the backe side of my booke . Whereto I adde yet a deeper curse , that next time you meet with good fellowes in Epping Forrest , you may not be so happy , as to feed them with nuts in stead of money .

Yours as you shall deserue the endorsement of this my letter . E. W. From Hadley aforesaid March 21. 1626 .
The aforesaid Stationers answer . LOuing , Challenging , Threatning friend , E. W.

I pray you extend your loue so farre to your friend , and your friends friend , as to thinke that neither the first will defraud you of your borrowed Booke , nor the second expose the Author to any inconuenience . The truth is my friend , vpon the sight of this Morall , Scholasticall , Theatricall Treatise , protested that the Author should receiue much right in being thus wronged ; and vpon sufficient bond vndertooke to saue me harmelesse if I made it more publique then euer was intended . And withall hee armed me with a legall defence , that , if I restored tenne sold for the principall , the Author ( notwithstanding his modesty ) could frame no iust quarrell against me or you at the barre of iustice or reputation . Accordingly he incouraged me ( if Master Schoolemaster of Hadley should schoole you for promise-breach ) to stop his mouth with a dozen of chicken hatcht vnder his owne henne .

I pray you therefore in stead of his owne single written Coppy , coppy him with this packet of his owne mettall stamped and multiplied by the Printers Alchimy .

The worst I heare , is , that hee will complaine to Apollo of me that I haue proclaimed abroad his priuate Shrouing . For which I haue a defence from the Authors owne penne , that Apollos solemne visitation begins with Proclamation . Act. 1. Scen. ultima And , I trow Proclamations are intended to flye abroad in print . So in hope that I shall receiue , if not thanks , yet pardon from him . I rather take , then begge , leaue to remaine still

Yours no lesse by this , R. M. London , Aprill , 25. 1627 . From the smell volume of my shop , where the south winde blowes into Pauls .
Apollo Shrouing . Composed for the Schollars of the Free-schoole of Hadleigh in Suffolke . And acted by them on Shrouetuesday , being the 6. of February , 1626 .
The Introduction . Ioseph Beamont . Nicholas Coleman . Dramatis personae . Nicholas Coleman . Denner Strutt . William Richardson . Samuel Cricke . George Richardson . Philip Beamont . William Cardinall . Iames Stutfield . Iohn Bower . George Liuin . Henry Whiting . Henry Cocke . Iohn Coleman . Henry Meriton . Wentworth Randall . Iohn Kidby . Ioseph Beamont . George Meriton . Iohn Gale . Edward Andrewes . Iohn Kidby . Ioseph Beamont .
Prologus .

SI quisquam est , qui placere se studeat bonis Quam plurimis , et minime multos laedere , In his pocta hic nomen profitetur suum .

Lala.

What ? shall wee haue Latine againe ? Master Prologue yongster . I pRay you goe to the Vniuersity , and set vp your Stage there .

Prol.

What , Mistresse Lala Spinster ? content yourselfe , I now repeat that which is past , I doe not represent that which is present .

Lala.

I pray you then tell vs so much in honest English .

Prol

I will , for your sake .

Lala. For mine ? nay , for euery shee , Whom here you see : And for our honest neighbours , many a good man that neuer Was infected with this rauing latine euer . Prol.

Keepe silence , thou party-coloured chattering Mappy .

Lala.

Then speake sence , thou iabbering al-blacke Iackdaw , with a greene coxcombe .

Prol.

Good men , good wiues , good friends , good maids , good boyes .

Lala.

I marry , this tasts for my stomacke , I 'me in the number of the fourth ranke .

Prol.

Who meete , to see , and heare our childish toyes .

Lala.

Well said , such easie drops sinke well into our braines .

Prol.

Of late ye know , if ye haue not mistooke vs .

Lala.

I doe not mistake you now , you take vs very well with your plaine dealing English Poetry .

Prol.

Wee acted Comicke Terence his Eunuchus .

He displaies the outer end of the Banner wherin is the name of Eunuchus . Lala.

Eunuchus ! Out vpon him , and thee too , and all of his kin . I haue heard my brother say , that this same Eunuchus is a man and no man ,

The very scorne and hate of women .

I 'le be sure , I le hang , draw and quarter him ; and for my part , sir Prologue , She teares the paper .

I had rather ye should beat vs ,

Then thus defeat vs ,

Rebuke vs ,

Then Eunuch vs .

Prol.

For my part dame Lall , I doe but act my part , you must not interrupt me .

Lala .

I will not corrupt you , vnlesse you name that hatefull bilding Iade . O what a queame he hath cast ouer my stomacke with that filthy word .

Prol. But now we condescend with milde audacity , In vulgar language vnto low capacity . Lala.

See you hold on your vulgar tongue , and bring not hither your latine vulgars , and lessons which you haue chanced in the schoole .

Prol. We come not with old worne common Thais , by trade the sister of Corinthian Lais . Prol. Lais ? Thais ? Walke where your way is , And tell vs what this Play is . Prol.

Nor Parmeno , nor scolding Pythias .

Lala.

Thou pithlesse asse , dost thou tell vs of scolding ?

Prol. This waspe had almost put me out . Out with her . But in a nearer circle now we walke , Where with our selues , and of our selues we talke . Our Schoole imagine here new built and dight , This Scene our formes , our day this candle light . Lala.

Sir Prologue , I feare thou talk'st English extrumpery besides thy part , onely to beguile me , I doubt there is Latine in his budget .

Prol.

I auow to thee , iealous Lala , that this same schollers feast is drest in English .

Lala.

I dare not trust you , for you say you are here in the schoole . And you schollers must not speake English in the schoole .

Prol.

We are not now at our taske , but wee haue leaue to play , and we play at our best game .

Lala.

What ? Blow point ? or Span-counter ? or trappe out may hap ?

Take heed you grow not Outish .

Prol.

No Tomboy , no . Nor scourge-top , nor Trusse , nor Leape frog , nor Nine holes , nor Mumble the pegge : But a more Noble recreation , where we haue more lookers on , then gamesters .

He displayes the Rowle vpon his staffe . Lala.

What play call you it ?

Prol.

Take out thy fescue , and spell here , in this oneleau'd booke . Tell the stitches in this samples of blacke and white .

Lala.

A. P. ap.

Prol.

A. P. ap ? Thou fumbling Ape . A. per se , A. P. O. L. pol.

Lala.

A. per se , A. P. O. L. pol , L. O. lo . Apollo . On my maidenhead this is Latine . We shall bee choaked with a dogrell Latine Play for all this .

Prol.

I tell thee , this is Greek , Latine , and English too .

Lala .

This Apollo is he an English man ? I 'le deale with none but my owne Country-men . I woont haue to doe , so I woont , with these outlandish people that speake gibberish .

Prol.

It is a proper name , it signifies the Lord and Master of the Muses . His Throne and Court here represented is the shoppe and staple of learning .

Lala.

A proper name ? As you are a proper man , let none but English wares bee sould in this shop , or else you haue no customer of me .

Prol.

Nay , reade on what followes .

Lala.

S. H. R. O. shro . I 'le none of this . What , doe you call vs shroues ?

Prol.

Thou art not worthy to goe a shrouing , that canst not spell it .

Lala.

V I. N. G. ving , shrouing I 'me glad of that . Now I like this Apollo well : hee 'le goe a gossipping with vs . does Apollo come a shrouing to vs , or shall wee goe a shrouing to him ?

Prol. All which we on this Stage shall act or say , Doth solemnize Apollos shrouing day . Whilest thus we greete you by our words and pens , Our sorouing bodeth death to none , but hens . Lala.

Pennes ? hennes ? Me thinkes the feathers of hens should not make good pennes . I doe not like the death of hennes . As I 'me a true housewife , I wondred what made our henne roost so empty , and see the schollars haue gotten them .

Prol.

I prethy , hold thy peace , thou goest beyond thine office , thou 'lt haue the first word and the last too , thou shew'st thy selfe to be a true Lala .

But whil'st I chat with her , the time growes late , I 'le sixe this banner at Apollos gate . Exit .

Lala.

As I 'me a true woman , I 'le trust you slippery schollars no further then I see you . I woont away , till I tast of the first dish of Apollos shrouing seast , and know whether it was an English Cooke that drest it .

Enter Philoponus . She sits downe .

I see a blacke coate come in , I 'le know whether hee be a true Brittaine .

Actus Primus . Scena prima . Phil. Ecce vigil nitido patefeci ab ortu Purpureas aurora fores , et plena rosarum Atria . Dissugiunt stellae , quarum agmina cogit Lucifer , & coeli statione nouissimus exit . Iungere equos Titan velocibus imperat beris . Lala.

I can hold no longer . False play . I barre your dice . Body o' me , I thought how we should be seru'd .

Phil.

What bold Nimph is this , that durst intrude amongst the Muses ?

Lala.

O' my life , this is no English . My Mother neuer spoke it . I proclaime to all of my sexe , they haue leaue to depart . I 'de rather spinne at home , then heare these Barbarians spout Latine , Vnlesse we had some kinde schollar to tell vs what they say . What a foppery is this , that we must laugh for company , and then aske what we laugh at .

Phil.

Ignorant suspicious soule , be content , I will bee thine Interpreter .

Lala.

If you doe not interprete to me , I 'le make you plumme the play , you shant be able to goe on your part .

Phil. Then so . Now gins the faire dew dabling blushing morne To open to the earth heauens Easterne gate , Displaying by degrees the new borne light . The stars haue trac'd their dance , and vnto night Now bid good night . The young daies Centinell the morning slarre Now driues before him all his glittering flocke , And bids them rest within the fold vnseene Till with his whistle Hesper call them forth . Now Titan vp and ready cals aloud , And bids the rowling houres bestirre them quicke And harnesse vp his prauncing foaming steeds To hurry out the sunnes bright Charriot . O now I heare their trampling feet approach : Now now I see that glorious lampe to dart His nearer beames , and all bepaint with gold The ouer peeping tops of highest hils . Lala.

Trust you vpon your word ? Did not you promise to interprate ? Heer 's linsey-woolsey fustian , where euery English thread is ouer-cast with a thicke woolen woofe of strange words , which haue so deepe a nappe , that the plaine ground cannot be seene . I pray you what haue you said all this while ?

Phil.

I haue said but one word , Lucescit , It is morning .

Lala.

And could you not haue told mee that in one word , by bidding me good morrow ?

Phil.

I giue no morrow vnto thee , but to the Muses , and my selfe .

Lala.

I haue as good part it h day light , as the best mincing Muse o' them all .

Phil.

Welcome faire light , most welcome vnto mee , When these thy beames reflect vpon my booke .

Lala.

Now I vnderstand you better . I hope hee 'le mend .

Phil.

O how it ioyes my watchfull eyes and heart , To crop the first fruits of the virgin morne .

Lal.

Crop the first fruits of Virgins ? I 'le take heed of him .

Phil. And spend that pretious stocke of common light Vpon this Authors lines , and such bookeware . The morning is the Muses gainest friend . Lala.

Surely this schollar loues to come first to schoole .

Phil. O how my blood doth warmely sweetly thrill , My sences luld , my heart inwrapt with ioy , To see these plaines , this faire two-headed hill , Those bowers , these towers , those winding bankes , These shady laurels , and that Temple gate The seat , the throne , the nest , the rest , the schoole Of great Apollo , and his darlings nine . Lala.

Well , I see now it will bee English . It shall goe hard but I 'le get a part amongst them . I 'le into the tyreing house , and scamble and rangle for a mans part . Why should not women act men , as well as boyes act women ? I will weare the breeches , so I will . Exit .

Actus primus . Scena secunda . Philoponus solus : Phil. NO Court of King , no Pallace stately rich , Though proud of marble feet & guilded head Can outbid these for true and sweet content . Let others grouell and imbrace the earth , ( The earth the whole worlds basest sediment ) Let them there digge their mothers bowels out , And thence take gold ( the earths worst excrement ) Let muddy mindes board vp , and hugge , and hide , And sit vpon the egges of auarice : Thence hatching vipers of their stinging cares . Let others sell their liues away in sport , Or play the Parasites in fickle Court . Let others swell with greatnesse , burst with pride . And others luske and snort in lazy sleepe , Or drench and soake themselues in Bacchus sudds , Or wallow in the mire of pleasures lewd : These seats , these bowers , are to Philoponus True pleasure , riches , honour , kingdome , rest . But now faire Phoebus with his rising raies Strikes on his owne bright Temples battlements , The watchword for the daily sacrifice . The sunnes first heate , that warmes this temples top , Cals for the Altar to be warme below . Now now Musaeus his obseruant Priest With other seruiters bestirre them quicke To feed that neuer-ceasing sacred fire . My part must be in that deuotion , To take from thence a blessing for the day . Our actions hence haue their prosperity , By timely worshipping the deity .
Actus primus . Scena tertia . Amphibius solus . Amph.

WHat is he gone ? I so . He keepes out wonted time , and now is well imployed in doing sacred homage to Apollo . There layes he the foundation of his studious diligence . There sore he misses me , and sayes vnto himselfe . Where is my Amphibius ? Why keepes he not his accuostomed houre ? What , shall I after Philoponus into the temple ? 'T is with the latest now . And ( to confesse the truth ) alas I dare not there appeare to present my selfe before Apollos Altar . Nor haue I now the boldnesse to looke my deare Philoponus in the face . His setled countenance and graue gesture giue a cheeke vnto my leuity . His very silence reades vnto mee a lecture of reprehension . My passions so deepe inthrald another way , bid mee now rather to withdraw from such society , and hide my selfe in shades and groues , and solitude .

Alas Amphibius , though hauing tide himselfe to the mast of safety by the bonds of temperance , yet breaketh loose , and leapes into the sea of danger . Alas hee cannot hold . This Sirens song is so attractiue . I yeeld , I come And yet how can I ? shall I runne away from the worthy trade whereto I am bound apprentise ? My name is inrold in Apollos register , and shall I rase it out , and be reckoned among the fugitiues and renegados ? Not so . And yet and yet it will be so . O how my very booke seemes now a burthen vnto me , and that which heretofore did eleuate my soule , and giue it wings to flye aloft , sweet contemplation of nature and of arts , that now alas layes on me the heauy load of vpbraiding , I flye , I flye , I hast into the by waies of these thickest groues

What darke some caue will giue me shelter , and hide me from the light of mortall eyes , and of the immortall eye of this world the all-vuiewing Phoebus .

Exit in lucum .
Actus primus . Scena quarta . Philoponus solus . Phil. ANd now me thinkes my spirits lighter are , My soule more cleare , my wits more actiue far Since I receiu'd from graue Musaeus hand Apollos benediction for this day .

But where is my Amphibius ? hee promised to ouertake me at this morning sacrifice . I hasted not , I did protract till Phoebus ( whose swift Chariot no hand can stay ) by his visible messenger call'd for our common duty and deuotion .

What will he thus leaue me alone ? And yet euen thus alone I am not . Nunquam minus solus quam cum solus . My bookes and meditations are my companions , that neuer faile me . With me they walke and talke , with them I rest at home : and other while when I trauell abroad and conuerse with contemplation , how short and easie are the wayes ? yea , and how safe too ? I can feare no the eues : the Muses are my guard . And in very truth , what can the eues rob me of ? My purse is light , and so my heart . My true riches treasured vp in the cabinet of this breast , no lurching hand by stealth , no robbing rouer by force can seise vpon . My Father hath no land to leaue me . I thinke his meane estate is the better meanes of my happinesse . This education which he affoords me , I take for a more goodly and durable inheritance , then if he could haue left mee thousands of stockes and acres , without any bringing vp in qualitie other then the gentle vanities of the times .

I enuy not our spruce gallant Gingle , that now forsooth scornes to be our schoole-fellow any longer . Our sable robe is too homely for such gaudy butterflies .

But ho Philoponus whither dost thou range ? These flyes not worth the gazing on would seduce me out of my way . Away ye flutering mothes that fain would eate holes in the Muses robes .

Come wise Philosophers , come soule-plying Orators . Nay to you I come ; ye are my home , the true centre whereon my circling thoughts doe rest . O mellifluous Tully . O streaming ouerflowing Ouid . O Maiestique Virgil . Graue Quintillian . Sententious Isocrates . Vertuous Seneca Plentifull Plutarch . Profound Aristotle . Diuine Plato . My solace , my guides , my instructers . O how your words distill into my thirsting soule , like to immortalizing Nectar .

Where left we last , sweet numbersome Isocrates ?

O here , where thy lampe burneth bright .

{non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} . Isocrat ad Demonic .

This rule he deliuers , Thinke not to walke vnseene when thou goest about any wickednesse . For , though no man ouerspye thee , thine owne conscience keepes watch ouer thee . O the diuine power of vnbred conscience ? Sutable to this is that of Seneca. Quid prodest non habere conscium habenti conscientiam ? When Amphibius and I discoursed on this point at our priuate reading of Seneca , I remember how affectionately he would take the booke into his bosome , and hugge it , and protest that this one sentence is able to make vs honest men . I will seeke him out , that we may mutually kindle the sparkes of conscience in our breasts , Exit .

Actus primus . Scena quinta , Lawriger , Drudo , Praeco . Lau. COme away , come away . Now cleerely shines our shrouing day . Now are we fresher then in May , Come , come away , our worke is play . Drud. Apollos solemne shrouing feast , Inuiteth all from cast to west : Come away , come make no slay , No Muses friend can say vs nay . Laur. Apollos yeerely visitation You know begins with Proclamation , Come mouthing Praeco , cleare thy threate , And chant the law in twanging note . Preco.

O yez .

Dru.

He may cry O yez till his belly burst . But , for ought I see , heer 's no body to heare him .

Laur.

No body ? That 's none of our fault . All may come if they will , Apollo keepes open sessions . Looke Praeco , canst thou see no audience ?

Preco.

Nor man , nor mouse .

Dru.

If I see any body , I would I were the Muses Tankard-bearer .

Laur.

That 's a punishment would noe neere to begger you . For I am sure you would be licking vp the Castalian drops that fall from the Muses tankard , and that would make you turne ryming Poet .

Drud.

I wish I had no better fortune , then to be a pretty water Poet with a high forehead like I . T. that acts the swanne by the bankes of Thames in England . I curs'd my selfe happily .

Preco.

What is that acting the swanne ?

Drud.

I meane the swannes , or gooses broad paddle feete , the naturall prime patterne of the artificiall oare .

Laur.

O que , I haue him . He meanes the easie smooth volluminous vntaught Poet , that will row you ouer the Thames in rime , euery stroake of his oare cuts out the capering feet of his verses .

Drud.

Would we had him in Parnassus . Hee would stroake our Mistresses the Muses gently with his oare , and make their worships very merry , with his paper Wherry .

Laur.

Paper Wherry ? you meane by a metaphor , that his papers and verses carry a mans attention as smooth as a wherry .

Drud.

No , I meane his sayling in a Paper Boate , and poetising vpon that and other his owne aduentures .

Laur.

Hee shall haue my voice to be admitted into the third forme of the Vshers part in Parnassus schoole , if he will lay his claime for it in solemne session .

Preco. I 'le register his name with a witnesse , If he bring euidence of his fitnesse . Laur.

This Poeticall Boat hath made vs saile out of our way . Drudo looke downe there betweene the Temple and the hill , see if you spye any body . And you Praeco , put on you spectacles , and looke into the Groue .

Drud.

Neither bird nor feather .

Preco.

Neither fish nor finne .

Laur.

We shall forfeit our liberties , if wee can get no audience to listen to our Proclamation . Praeco , vp that bancke , nay mount vp that tree .

Dru.

It is more wholesome mounting that one tree , then some other three trees , compact in a Greeke Pee .

Laur.

Seest thou any body now ?

Preco.

Abundance . O multitude ! O variety !

Laur.

What be they ? discouer them to vs .

Preco.

Men . Boyes .

Laur.

Who else ?

Preco.

Item there be others , shall I discouer them too ?

Laur.

Why not ?

Preco.

I am too bashfull to vncouer them . They are women .

Laur.

On pratling Preco .

Preco.

Men , women , yong , old , blacke , white , blew , sitting , standing , looking , laughing .

Drud.

Whence thinkest thou come they , and what would they ?

Laur.

No doubt they come a shrouing to Apollo . If the Muses haue not prouided for their pallat , what shall we doe ?

Drud.

It is hard to dresse a shRouing dish to please so many seuerall tasts . They must be content to take such as they finde or bring , like good gossips .

Laur.

Well sir Preco , for the first seruice , let them heare the Proclamation . Begin .

Preco.

O yez , O yez , O yez .

Laur.

All manner of schollars and students

Preco.

All manner of schollars and students

Laur.

With their Reteiners

Preco.

With their Reteiners and appurtenances that hold or pretend to hold ‑ in Capite ‑ any learning , art or science ‑ of the grand Lord our soueraigne Apollo ‑ or of the meane Land . Ladies ‑ the nine sister Muses ‑ or of any of them ‑ Let them appeare this day in the afternoone ‑ at the great lowrell on the westerne top of Parnassus ‑ there to doe their homage suite and seruice ‑ and to giue account to our said Lord Apollo ‑ or to his high steward Muss us ‑ of the expence of their time ‑ in their seuerall trades ‑ and mysteries ‑ of the Muses ‑ also there and then ‑ vpon the oath of homagers ‑ strict inquiry and search is to bee made ‑ concerning all incroachments ‑ intrusions ‑ and Nuissances ‑ done or suffered to be done ‑ vpon the inheritance ‑ rites and royalties ‑ pertaining to the manner of Parnassus ‑ All that will accuse , shall bee heard ‑ and all that will answer ‑ shall haue liberty ‑ of defence ‑ by themselues ‑ or by their counsaile ‑ learned in the Muses lawes .

Keepe Apollos peace , and then he end the Muses prosper you .

Laur.

Come downe now Praeco from your chaire of stare , and walke with vs mortals here below .

Drud.

lauriger thinke you that any of those , whom Praeco oueruiewed , will lay in any action at Apollos Court to day ?

Laur.

Why not ? perhaps some of them hold for life some paper Tenement belonging to Apollos Manner . And thereupon may craue admittance to it Others vpon their experience may informe Apollos iury what wast hath beene made of the trees in Parnassus groue with cropping off laurell garlands to adorn the light head of euery ballad belching Poet . Or what delapidations haue in processe of time growne vpon the Muses cells . So that Boreas whistles euerloud in their eares when they are retired to contemplation .

Drud.

These and all other informations shall be surely heard . We know that is our Lord Apollos expresse mandate .

Laur.

Now returne wee vp the Mount , and acquaint Musaeus what we haue done . Exeunt .

Actus secundus . Scena prima . Compliment , Implement , Nouice . Imp.

REnowned Father of fashions , Count of courtesies , Marquesse of moderne motions , Duke of debonaire deportments , Chiefe Iustice of gesticulations .

Comp.

Goe on with the Alphabet of my Titles . Comptroller .

Imp.

I haue it , Comptroller of Conges , Compactor of Cringes , Fea● Framer of fustian phrases .

Nou.

O wonderfull : this is a braue man . Wee haue no such dainty words in our schoole .

Imp.

Dainty ? I tell thee , Nouice , we haue store of this plumporridge at our house euery day . ( little else . )

Comp.

Sirra , you forget the Titles giuen mee by the great Mogull , when I went Ambassadour to him from the King of Calecut , a golden trumpet sounded them in the Persian language .

Imp.

That trumpet could speake Persian well , I can hardly hit vpon them in the originall . Varletto , polmone , manigoldo .

Comp.

You masque vnknowne , vnseene . Descend I say to the apprehension of the base vulgar . Giue vs them in translation .

Imp.

Indoctrinate of yong Nobility . Accomplisher of Kings Courts , chiefe engineer of cap and knee . clock-keeper of nodde and shrugge , and finally , ingrosser of all saylable , auaileable adresses , garbs , faces , graces in all places .

Nou

Yet gooder and gooder . O admirable ! This man is for vs to the heauens .

Comp.

It is well , somewhat toward the superlatiue of my worth and profession But Imp. I like not that word finally . When you rehearse me before the Lady Muses , they will thinke wee are at the wall , that thou hast told all my vertues , and offices . I tell thee , not thou , nor the loud long tongue blabbe fame , can giue the inuentary of my perfections . Think'st thou with the small wherry boate of thy short memory , to arriue at the Terra incognita of the vertues and indowments of mighty Captaine Complement ?

Nou.

O eloquence . I see now that Tully and Ouid are but course ware .

Imp.

I tell thee , and thou shalt finde , that tittle tattle Tully is but browne bread , if hee be laid neere our Marchpane .

Comp.

Ergo therefore my nimble Imp. take away that padlocke finally , and in stead of the aforesaid , adde to the fagge end of my Catalogue , that endlesse chaine which the vulgar Grammarians call et caetera .

Imp.

Indeed Master I haue heard you say , that you would haue your title like the great Westerne Monarches title , with a long taile behinde it .

Comp.

True : And therefore you know , the motto which I subscribe in banner is plus vltra .

Nou.

My sweet friend , Master Implement , you told mee that you would speake —

Imp.

I marry , and so I doe .

Nou.

For me to the mighty man . All you haue yet said to him , is but in the vocatiue case . And that case makes no sentence , as I haue learn'd when I was in the second forme . You know I gaue you .

Imp.

What did you giue me ? Nothing but a dozen of rotten silke points . You must tagge them better ere I the vp your request .

Nou.

I le steale my mothers Peacocke , and bring it you .

Imp.

A Peacocke ? That 's well . You may make vs latter by it ; but you cannot make vs prouder .

Comp.

What talke you of a Peacocke ?

Imp.

Sir , this yong gentleman presents you with a Peacocke . It ha's a tayle . he has a small request to your worship .

Nou.

I dare as well hee hang'd as steale the Peacocke . My mother loues it so well , and feeds it euery day , and pricks the feathers of it in her sanne .

Comp.

Where is this Peacocke ?

Nou.

What shall I dee ? I haue none .

Imp.

I mistooke a Peacocke for a Woodcocke .

Nou.

I haue neuer a Woodcocke neither .

Imp.

Sir he would faine present you with a Woodcocke euery day . His suit is to be your schollar for an houre in a day . He would dedicate himselfe to fine fashions and quaint quallicoms .

Comp.

What Nobility ? What atchieuements imbolden him to obtrude vpon vs with such a request ? An houre in a day ? I tell thee , yong chicken , great Princes haue not made such a motion vnto me without an Ambassadour , and a present of a gold chaine , or diamond ring , or some such trifle .

Nou.

Woe 's me ! Alas . I haue no hope now , I thinke I must eene returne to my old trade againe , & repeate In noua sert animus , and Tityre tu patulae . O sweet Imp. be my faithfull Implement to your Master . I 'le doe any thing for thee , or for any of thy kin .

Imp.

Will you steale mee your fathers dagger with the siluer hast ?

Nou.

And my mothers siluer bodkin too .

Imp.

They shall pricke forward thy cause . I gallop to saue thy life . I will begge a pardon for thee of this Iudge . Relent heroicke spirit , relent . For my sake entertaine Master Nouice into your schoole .

Comp.

Thou knowest our schoole is throng'd . My hands are full . The truth is , my vertuous facultie , ioyned with a strange dexterity , is so attractiue , that I haue schollars come flocking vnto me , not onely from the Theater and Venus Court , but also from Apollos seminarie . I swel , I swel with the stuffings of the Grammar brood .

Imp

I am one of those that lest the fescue trade , to page it thus in state .

Comp.

Nay , Logique and Philosophy doth often breake vp shop , and come to set vp at my stall .

Imp.

Indeed Master of late we haue had very good doings . The Vsher of our schoole has had for fees of yong gentlemen at their entrance , aboue an hundred crownes within this 12. moneths , besides his yearely stipend .

Nou

I 'le begge hard , but I 'le get a crowne of my Mother , and twelue pence for thee honest Iacke Implement .

Comp.

As for money for stipend or entrance , I doe not much stand vpon it , neither would I take any , but that I will not imbase my faculty ? .

Imp.

Indeed Master , if you should not take some faire see , the gentlemen would not thinke it such a reputation to be your Prentises .

Comp.

Truely the more cost , the more worship . A wise saying . Write you that in your table booke Master Nouice vpon my authority .

Imp.

And their Parents would scorne our ware , and say it were like stinking fish it hend of a market .

Nou.

Againe for me good Imp.

Imp.

I pray you sir let him be admitted . Hee 'le be content to stand next the doore of our schoole . I warrant you sir , hee 'le be fed fat for a whole yeere , with two or three of the easiest plaine trickes , of circling the hat , or the gambrell i' th hammes , the man i' th toe , and the gridiron i' th forehead . Hee 'le bee pleased with these till hee can come to higher points of the Retort , the Rebuffe , the Catastrophe , the Antistropho .

Comp.

I could bee content to inroll him in our petty forme , but that I doubt some exceptions will be taken at the confluence of so many of that tribe , to our part . Master Philoponus a sowre stoicall schollar , told me to my teeth , that Apollo should bee complained vnto , and I accused of robbery , for stealing away his best hopes .

Imp.

Sir , I see no reason but you may entertaine him as well as another . One stone more will not make the boate sinke .

One kernell more put in the sacke

Will not breake the Mrs backe .

Nou.

Good sir consider of me . Though I be not borne to so much land as master Gingle my forme-fellow , yet I shall learne by trickes as well as he . There is Mumble and Tristram , Trump , and Iobbart , and nimble Nichol . I see not , but I may leaue the satchell as well as they , and turne fine gentleman .

Imp.

Indeed they haue profited very well with vs . For they haue torne out the leaues of all their bookes to light tobacco pipes , and they can infume , & effame , and resume with gentle postures Maister Nimble can at one time , and wah one hand put off his hat with his right hand in due circumference , and brandish a battoon in 's left hand , and sucke a fuming tobacco pipe in 's mouth without any hand , all at once .

Comp.

They say the old gray beard Mus●us sets vp inquisition , and ●at Apollo keeps Court to day . My sweet Siren sent me word this morning , that I know not how many of vs should be indited for incroaching vpon Apollos liberties .

Nou.

Indeed sir , and 't please you , this Philoponus is the best schollar among vs , but he is but a tell tale . There can't one of vs play the tron't , or runne away from schoole for recreation , or so , but presently hee tels Musaeus of it . But I care nor , I had rather sticke to you , and shew Apollo a faire paire of heeles .

Imp.

He that stickes to vs must bring some glew : And money is a binder .

Comp.

Imp. are these yong mans friends rich ? Will they lard vs with a fat pension ?

Imp.

His father 's but a plaine Farmer ; but hee 's call'd the rich Chuff● . Hee keeps three ploughes , and fourteene yoake of Oxen .

Comp.

But will his Oxen giue downe their milke ?

Imp.

Faith his mother will stroake hard for it . Shee is a gentlewoman o t'h left side . I haue heard her say , that she would like her sonne better in a scarse and ruffled bootes , then in a gowne with a fardell of bookes .

Comp.

Well said , enough . You yong man . My seruant hath intreated hard for you . I am content to entertaine you vpon probation .

Nou.

I am ouerioyed , ouerioyed .

Comp.

Ouerioyed ? What a plaine packestaffe phrase is that ? you must sublimate your ioy in triumph thus . Hold me downe lest I hit my head against a cloud .

Nou.

Hold me downe lest I hit my head against a cloud . O what a braue world is this , all made of oatmeale : I 'me now in the way of preferment and gallantry . I 'le presently runne to my mother for some cash for my entrance . I 'me all now for Maskes , Reuels , Courtship . Poore Apollo farewell . Exit .

Comp.

Sirra Imp. I honour thee with thankes , a whole bushell , heape measure .

Imp.

I , with such light come and huskes am I sed .

Comp.

I inrich thee with thankes . Thou hast brought a pretty fat fowle to our net .

Imp.

We shall make him a flat foole .

Comp.

Is not the houre come appointed by mee to giue accesse and interviw to Sir Orgolio ?

Imp.

Yes sir , the sunne and clocke sayes so . ( And my clocke tels me it is breakefast time . If I could tell where to lunch . )

Comp

Why then Vamos . I set my legges in due array , and march on foot downe to the plaine .

Imp.

So you had need . For all your horses haue tenne toes . Exeunt .

Actus secundus . Scene secunda . Amphibius solus .

OR this , or that . This is my duty . So . And though so , yet why not rather that ? I o that mine inclination drawes me . O strange Monster , worse then euer nature did bring forth . A man in whom the light of reason shines , to walke in the cloudy night of tempestuous passions , to liue at once in two contrary elements . Glorious Apollo I faine would still remaine chine . And yet . And yet sweet Hedone , I cannot diuorce my selfe from thee .

Actus secundus . Scena tertia . Philoponus . Amphibius . Phil.

PArnassus plaines . I he bankes of Hippocrene , The laurell groue , all walkt , all searcht by mee : and yet I finde him not . O here not hoped , yet now found . Found ? Is this he ? Is this my Amphibius ? Where art thou ? Who art thou ? Looke vp and shew thy friendly brow . I Hope no distast estrangeth thee from thy Philoponus . What haue we here : The walking ghost of Amphibius ? Where is his soule , his life , his looke , his speech ?

Amp.

A wandring soule .

Phil.

Wandring ? I know no by way can call thee off from me . These groues , these bankes , and shades , O how oft haue they bin companions and witnesses of our friendship , and discourses of earth , of sea , of starres , of spheares , of motions , of rest , of beasts , of plants , of all Dame natures workes , and wondrous art , by which this All stands thus composed , and framed in most exact proportion . Awake I say , the Muses call vs to our taske .

Amp.

Worthy Philoponus . I loue thoe . I admire tho● . I enuy thee .

Phil.

I know thou canst not enuy me . Thy heart is so generous , and my worth so meane , thou louest mee I know , for the parity of our dispositions and studies .

Amp

Would I were like thee now , as heretofore I haue beene , then should I not bee thus dasht with shame .

Phil.

What Amphibius , you are alwaies modest . Hic virtutis color . Blushing is vertues scarlet roabe .

Amp.

Alas , I am now like a cropped flowre , which fades and hangs the head , I am pulled from the stalke on which I grew .

Phil.

What blast hath thunder-strucken thee ? Whence art thou fallen ?

Amp.

I must vntwist .

Phil

I hope , not from our bond of friendship .

Amp.

No : but from my bond of seruice to Apollo .

Phil.

Thou from Apollo ? First may the stars be pluckt from heauen . Why but how ?

Amp

In a word , I am turn'd souldier .

Phil.

Souldier ? Which of the furies pluck't thee from our woonted peace and quiet in Apollos seruice , now to pitch thy tent in Marses field ?

Amp.

O how the drummes and trumpets sound alarum . What stroakes , what shreekes , what fierce incounters , wounds and deaths !

Phil.

O Tragedy ! What Scene is this ? On what Stage dost thou tread ?

Amp.

Alarme , alarme , to warre . I fight , I fight .

Phil.

With whom ?

Amp.

I must maintaine the quarrell on both sides .

Phil.

Both sides ? Who are the Cumbattants ?

Amp.

Amphibius , and Amphibius . Neuer till now a true Amphibius As I am ▪ Apollos and thine . I walke and march with thee , I fight vnder the Muses colours against ignorance , idlenesse and voluptuousnesse . But as I am another selfe , my left side walkes another way . O force . O compulsion . I yeeld .

Phil.

What force compels ?

Amp.

Fatis agimur , cedite fatis .

The destinies are powerfull . If the fates say I , who dares say no ?

Phil.

Our fates ? Speake right , and say , our faults . They ouer-rule and ouer-turne vs , when wee are willing to be conquered , and then to colour our follies , wee put on the maske of tragique exclamation vpon our starres , our fates , our crosse inexorable adamantine destinies .

Amp.

Farre easier is it to mocke my misery then to cure it .

Phil.

Cure it ? I will cure it . Let me feele thy pulse . O what boyling and beating waues of passion ! W● thou calme them ?

Amp.

O could I ! or couldest thou my Esculapius ?

Phil.

Recipe a Biletto or taylors bodkin ; make but one oylet hole vnder the left pappe , three inches deepe : your blood would be cooled ; and you shall fall into a sweet sleepe , and presently bee transported into the Elisian fields . Probatum est .

Amp.

Facile est miserum irridere .

Phil.

Not I , but — you fate mongers teach you this . But in earnest I aduise thee thus . Giue ouer parling and combating : blow away your enemy out of the field with one blast . One word will doe it .

Amp.

What potent charme is that ? I pray you teach it me .

Phil.

Onely this stoutly said Nolo .

Amp.

Oft haue I thought and said it , but another word crowds in withall , and makes a counter charme . Volo .

Phil.

What ? doe you blow hot and cold at once , at once will and nill ?

Amp.

Vos testor omnes Calites , hoc quod volo , Me notte .

Phil.

O Sir , doe you thinke Medea a fit patterne for you ? Haue you no better a Mistresse to instruct your wauering soule , then monstrous Medea ?

Amp.

Yes , another Mistresse ouer-awes me , more powerfull then that Inchantresse .

Phil.

Ouer-awes ? O faint fondling , not worthy to march vnder the Muses banner , whose Escucheon is Vertue Argent , crowned Or. And the two supporters , winged Victory , and winged all-eyed , all-eared , all-tongued Fame .

Amp.

When this all-conquering Queene , sends forth her mandates , alas vertue melts into an aercall contemplation , and fame vanisheth into an empty sound .

Phil.

What mandates other then vsurped Tyranny ? What conquests other then by voluntary yeelding to false allurements ?

Amp.

O valiant Sir , can I , can you , can any mortall wight stand out and rebell when hee is apprehended by this Queenes writ ?

Phil.

What writ ? what arrest ? you need not obey it . At least you might lurke and withdraw your selfe , and make them returne a Non est iuuentus :

Amp.

O but these arrests doe not so much command by authority , as conuince & perswade by argument and reason .

Phil.

Reason ? what other reason then vt cum ratione insanias , that you may be reasonably rauing madde ?

Amp.

Tu si hic esses , aliter sentires , the case would be altered , and you would plead as hard on my side .

Phil.

Then let all the nine Muses hisse at mee , and banish me out of Apollos schoole .

Amp.

The Muses ? Apollos schoole ? I tell you the arguments by which I am conuinced , are translated out of the Records of the Muses , and cite euery where Apollos Parliaments .

Phil.

What are these forged patches which plead their workemanship from the Muses loomes ? Haue you bin weauing them in your sequestred studies ?

Amp.

Alas not mine , but on higher hand hath spunne and twisted them . The Queene her selfe vouchsafed with her owne wit and hand to compose this soueraigne Nepenthe to imbalme my soule in most desirable content . Queene Hedone her selfe wrote this large mellifluous letter to me , poore me . I thought she had not knowne me : but ( O generous sweet gratiousnesse ) to this meane neglected Amphibius , shee ( that high and mighty soueraigne of delights ) sent this amiable garland of choysest flowers , culled by her owne delicious hand ; that hand , which the chiefest Poets labour to paint cut , and the highest gods affect to kisse .

Phil.

O how Pocticall you are growne , and fantasticall ? I thinke that paper hath infected you . But by what hand was it conueyed to you ?

Amp.

By whom , but by her worthy maide of honour Dame Siren , whose voice with one warble can thaw the most frozen affections

Phil.

Nay then I perceiue he is handsomely caught .

Amp.

I pray you view these liues . You will confesse they are strong lines .

Phil.

I haue heard of strong lines , admited by weake iudgements , and derided by the iudicious .

Amp.

I pray you read . Else you robbe me of my defence , and your selfe of care pleasing ▪ soule-conquering suauity !

Phil.

To my not so deare , as worthy to be farre dearer , Amphibius the flowre of youth —

Amp.

( Meaning me . )

Phil.

Honour and enuy of his ranke . —

Amp.

( Meaning me , very good still )

Phil.

Accomplisher of vertues —

Amp.

( O compleate ! )

Phil.

In nothing wanting , but that he is indebted , —

Amp.

( Yet she does not arrest me for money debt , No )

Phil.

Indebted to himselfe , in infinite summes of most currant delights , ouer churlishly neglected by him .

Amp.

Had these title beene of my owne deuising , modesty would not haue suffered me , to heare them read . But what Queene Hedone sayes , is a law ; and it is a part of my obedience to accept the honour she conferres vpon me by her owne hand . She trusteth no Secretary when she writes to me . I think the Muses will wooe me for copies of this letter , they will imitate it , when they sing hymns in praise of Apollo .

Phil.

O forgery O foppery !

Amp.

Why ? what ?

Phil.

Think'st thou that Queene Hedone wrote this leuer to thee ? I thinke she neuer heard of Amphibius .

Amp.

Why ? Am I not in the indorcement ? I neuer heard of any other Amphibius . I will be this Amphibius till you finde another Amphibius .

Phil.

See how thy good nature is wrought vpon . This inscription is none of Queene Hedones hand . Seest thou the character nothing a kin to the letter within

Amp.

Perhaps indorcements and names of note , are written in another hand for excellency . That is the Court stile .

Phil.

Let me tell thee a short tale . Thou hast heard of Burching-lane in London .

Amp.

London ? Where 's that ? In England ?

Phil.

So . And there are many volumes of Appárell made at large by guesse for no man , and for euery man , for all , whom they may fit , or who will buy them .

Amp.

What then ? I buy none there .

Phil.

An honest rurall guest comming thither , is hailed into a shop , and cared with a suite which though too wide , too long or short , hee 's perswaded 't was made for him and none else , he payes , and goes , and after findes it shrinkes .

Amp.

What 's this to me ?

Phil.

Yes to thee . Mutato nomine de te Fabula narratur . Thou art this new come guest , gazing on and admiring the varnisht wares , set out in the deceitfull shop of Hedone . She cuts out and tackes together , large declamations in folio . In laudem voluptatis . These shee sends abroad by the end of her Broaker Siren : Who , loaden with these blanke letters , rambles vp & down : and , when she lights vpon any credulous soule , presently she addes an indorcement , and makes the receiuer beleeue that Queene Hedone her selfe doth wooe him . Against the concourse of this solemne day this Siren , houering here for gaine , now seiseth on thee . And thou beleeuest that this paper garment was cut out and sow'd and lac'd for Amphibius . If shee meete with me , verily I shall haue another the same letter , indorced , To her deare , her onely deare Philoponus . Then shall I bee the flowre of youth , and what not ?

Amp.

Admit sir this , that my name , was put in by the bearer vpon generall instructions onely . Yet the powerfull contents of the letter inforce in themselues the conclusion of my yeelding .

Phil.

Thy yeelding ? And why not mine as well ?

Amp.

Yes brother , and thine , and anyes else , whose heart is not hewne out of a marble rocke . Mine is of flesh , I call a woman Mother .

Phil.

I am of the same mould with thee . But I bethinke my self , Why hath Reason the Scepter in her hand , if rebell Passion may bee suffered to crowd into the Throne .

Amp.

True , no Oracle more certaine . But alas . But I know not what within this melting brest cryes out lowder , and sayes , Amphibius , Thou shalt now to this case dispence with those seuere rules .

Phil.

Where is thy Logique ? thy Philosophy ? Art thou an Orator to perswade others to that which they know not , and canst thou not perswade thy selfe , in that which thou acknowledgest ?

Amp.

Nay , the Arguments vsed by Hedone , are not emptily blowne vp with passion , but soundly grounded on Philosophy , Logique and Oratory . S●en told me that her Lady Hedone is neere allyed to Manto , Cassandra , Aspasia , and the ancient Roman Tanaquil . That this Hedone , better then Lesbian Sappho , might pretend to be the tenth Muse .

Phil.

Why then comes she not now to Apollos Court at this solemne assembly , to lay in her claime for it ?

Amp.

Siren tells me , she had done so , but that she knew not of the set day , and now resideth in one of the fortunate Ilands in the Atlantique sea farre oft from Thessaly . And besides all this , she is inuited to a feast of foure or fiue gods by Mercury into Ethiopia .

Phil.

Such draffe of si●ens by thy feast .

Amp.

For the cause of her absence I passe not much But I 'me sure shee 's learned , and deepely read . That shee shewes by the reasons and Authorities heaped in her letter .

Phil.

What stout reasons ? What authorities ?

Amp.

Euen those which we read and admire in Apollos schoole . What say you to Tully , Plutarch , Aristotle , Seneca , Socrates , Horace , &c.

Phil

I am sure these affoord impenetrable armor against the assaults of Hedone . And now are they brought on the other side against their wills ?

Amp.

Reade but this line here in the bottome of the second page . Attend what your 〈◊〉 Tully saith , Dandu● aliquid atat● . Non semper ●ncat ratio , &c.

Phil.

This time and place s●s not to examine these particulars . Come le ts to the laurell Groue . There will we gage to the bottome this fardell of false wares .

Exeunt .
Actus secundus . Scena quarta . Ludio solus . Ludio .

ONe tells me I must study next my heart . That troubles my braine too much . Another tels me 't is good to eate bread and butter next my heart . That fumes fumes into my head too much . And to say the truth , my stomack is not yet vp . For I 'me but new vp my selfe , and I hope that will not be so saucy as to tread on his Masters heeles . But I say still , 't is best playing next ones heart . That is to mee both study and breakefast . Once againe crosse and pile , handy dandy , which hand will you haue ?

He plaies two gamesters , and wrangles . —

O for some Companions . O for some good play fellowes ! Gingle hee 's growne so proud , he tells mee hee 's not for boyes play now . And Slug I could not get him vp . I bounc'd with my bag of counters against his doore . And he answered me nothing but whough , pugh : Hee outsnorts nine horses , and outsleepes tenne dormise . I will goe find out Nouice . Hee 's a yong fat gosling to pull . Exit .

Actus secundus . Scena quinta . Lauriger solus . Laur.

WHen wee had signified to our Lord Apollo our publishing of his Mandates , he was pleased to say that there was neuer more need of warning a Court , then now , that abuses and vsurpations haue crept into his dominions . And therfore he charged vs that this inquiry should be more strickt then heretofore . Intra● Siren.

But looke you now . There is one of the wormes and catterpillers of our haruest .

I know her , though I neuer saw her before . By her fawning gesture and inchanting wand , shee 's that famous infamous Siren , which so troubles and bewilders some of our society . Shee hookes at all shee meetes . It 's meruaile if she reach not at me .

Actus secundus . Scena sexta Siren. Lauriger . Siren. TO thee , renowned Lauriger , I come a happy messenger , From Hedone , Queene Hedone , sweet Hedone , The Goddesse of delight and pleasure , The life of life , the worl is best treasure , Performe what I aduise , And thou shalt be more wise , Then all the rest that follow Your mighty god Apollo . Apollos taske torments your braines , Abates your spirits , dries your vaines . Vaine is your labour little profit , No quiet by it , no end of it . O cast away that lawrell bow , And crowne thy head with roses now , Now whil'st thy frolicke youth giues leasure To bath thy selfe in choysest pleasure . Thy time doth goe , As riuers flow . Ere long , you know , Gray haires will grow . Then shalt thou sigh , and say with teares , Why lost I so my youthfull yeares ? My spring is past , yet faine I would , ( But cannot ) budde in winters cold . Come then before age bids good night , Spend youthfull day in sweet delight . Laur.

Is this the lecture you reade to vs ? Is this all you can say ? A flourishing glosing poeticall Theme , that hath neither truth nor substance in it . An empty sounding painted drumme , fit for children to heare and follow with their rattles and hobby horses . Goe Gill flurt , goe set vp your Pedlars shop in Venus Court . There shall you haue those that will dance to your musicke .

Siren. No man so learned , wise , or strong , But may be conquered by my song . Lau

I can heare thee no longer . Auaunt thou Circe . Think'st thou to transforme mee into a swine ? I flye . Exit .

Siren.

If hee gone ? I will not leaue him so . A letter from the goddesse her selfe may pierce deeper with him , as it did with Amphibius . Exit .

Finis Actus Secundi .
Actus tertius . Scena prima . Mistresse Indulgence Gingle , Iohn Gingle her sonne , Iugge Rubbish her maide . Indul.

IVgge Rubbish , what , Iugge Rubbish . Come and bring his girdle .

Iug.

Heere forsooth .

Indul.

Haue you warm'd it ?

Iug.

I can finde none but seacole fire to warme it :

Indul.

Out vpon thee slut Seacoale ? I cannot abide to haue any of that brimstone fume to come about the body of my childe . Goe kindle some Charcoale , and warme it well on both sides . Exit Iugge .

What Mother can thinke it any paine to bring forth so pretious a fruit ? O my liuing walking ioy , thy fathers picture , and thy Mothers selfe , why shouldest thou be weaned from my lappe ?

Ging.

Sweet Mother . If I were to chuse a Mother ,

Thou and no other

Should be my Mother .

Indal.

Sweet Childe , when thou speakest , mee thinkes the Muses , if there were nine times nine of them , are but Oysterwomen and Kitchinsluffe .

Ging.

Honourable Mother Indulgence , I must be no more prentise to Apollos trade . Must I ?

Indul.

No my Childe , thou art in a better trade . We are higher flowne now .

Ging.

I like this new Master better then Musaeus . Wee haue no terrible scepter shaken ouer vs in the Captaines schoole .

Indul.

Out vpon that bloody butcherly weapon . What a base thing it is , that a man should bee arm'd against children ? What naturall Mother can suffer her owne flesh and blood to bee torne by these blacke gown ? Canibals ? He that rancheth the flesh of my child , had as good kisse —

Ging.

Mother , I haue heard that he was hang'd that inuented burch .

Indul.

I , and he that inuented bookes escaped by burning in the hand . Redit Iugge .

Iug.

I haue almost scorcht my fingers with warming it :

Indul.

Shrinke in while I buckle it , that you may bee gaunt and fine in the wast .

Ging.

Mother . When you goe in your coach vp Parnassus hill , I must sit in your lap , must I not ? and hold Tisbies left eare in my hand with two fingers thus Must I not ? O it is the finest Puppy .

Indul.

I , darling , and hold my fanne in thy other hand , and sometime shake it at the common people when we passe by them .

Ging.

Indeed Mother , these are very Gentlemanlike feates . I wonder the Captaine has not read any lecture to me of them .

Indul.

The Captaine is to teach thee more souldierlike trickes . I can teach thee these at home . Why Iugge doe you see how the rose is ruffled on the top of his spur-leather , set it better with your poking finger . ( valour .

Ging.

He has already taught me one soldierly tricke of

Indul.

What is that my sweet Babby ?

Ging.

When you are in your Coach , if any horses , though neuer so well bred ( except the horses of Apollos owne Chariot ) shall presume to take the wall or vpper hand of any of your Coach-horses , I must straight leape out of the Coach , and with my ponyard stabbe one of those vnciuill horses through both the eares at once .

Ind.

I see Captaine Complement is an excellent Master , he will make my childe be called the sonne of Mars and Bellona . Hee deserues more stipend then I allow him for thee . Why sonne Gingle , this will be an action not onely of valour , but of honour and duty to me .

Ging.

If I thus venture my selfe in duty to you , I pray you forget not your duty to me . You know my Father 's a man of great worth , and lands , and I am his heire apparant .

I pray you in good company , call not mee plaine sonne Gingle , or sonne Iohn , or so , but Master Iohn , or Master Gingle my sonne , or so . Others will doe mee the more honour for it .

Ind.

True my honourable childe Master Iohn Gingle or so . If thou bee'st vs'd with such respect by mee , how great honour will others yeeld mee that bare thee ? But sonne I doubt , if the horses be tall , thou canst not haue them by the eares with thy ponyard . Thou shal ▪ haue thy Fathers long guilt Rapier . That will reach them , vnlesse they flye as high as Pegasus .

Ging.

O for that Rapier . If I had it , the Captaine would teach me in one day and a halfe , how to weare it , how high the pummell must sit aboue the chape , and how to winde it about when I salute .

Ind.

I preethy , sweet sonne , let me see thee once act the fine gestures , which the Captaine hath taught you . You doe them by your selfe alone in the chamber , and the doore shut to you . I look't in yesterday at the key-hole , and me thought it did me good to see thee repeat some of them in the presence of a Candlestick , and Bed-staffe that were set vpon the table .

Ging.

Are you auis'd of that Mother ? That is a secret , which the Captaine tells mee , that I must shew my feates to none till I am well practised . And another secret , better then that , is , in my priuate practising to set vp imagined spectators for the whetting of my care and diligence . And therefore sometime I set vpon my table , a full auditory of Cushion , Candlestick , slipper , Bellowes , and Chamberpot .

Ind.

See my sonne Master Gingle , see what wrong you doe me then . You will not allow mee that fauour , which you doe to your Bellowes , and that which is below Bellowes .

Ging.

As I am a Gentleman Mother , I cannot doe withall as yet . You know when you put me to this mighty Master , you charged mee vpon your blessing to obey him , and follow his instructions , rather then the precepts of Musaeus or Apollo himselfe . But by the next moneth , I thinke the Captaine will giue mee leaue to repeate my postures before you . I will doe your Mothership the fauour to bee in the first forme of my Spectators .

Ind.

Next moneth ? I cannot tarry till next day . Hold , heer 's a crowne , carry to him for his fauour , to make me a spectator without delay . It may be in your repeating , I shall teach you some gestures that the Captaine thinkes not of .

Ging.

But Mother , I hope you will not faile my Master Captaine . You will be a suiter to Apollo for him , that he may continue his schoole of fine feats here neare our doore .

Ind.

Why childe to that end haue I called to haue my Coach made ready . Apollos great hall is almost a flight shot off on the top of Parnassus , I cannot get vp thither without my four foure-footed prancers . Iugge bid my Coachman lay the Coach bed backward , for we are to climbe the hill . But I must in to dresse mee better , and set my face in Court fashion . Exeunt .

Actus tertius Scena secunda . Complement , and Implement his page . Imp.

VAlerous sir , I pray you cleare your brow . What cloud of discontent enuelops your heroick soule ?

Comp.

I tell thee 〈◊〉 . I am duloros● , I am fumbled and fuddled , and stu● with two hornes , griefe & anger .

Imp.

Hath S●●ned on you ?

Comp.

Now boy I haue her loue and shall .

Imp.

( Well you may , you pay deare for it . ) I hope Sir you are not angry with mee sir , your diligent Implement .

Comp.

With thee ? Thou shrubbe , thou scrubbe . Thou art below my wrath . The thunderbolt of my indignation , where it bolteth forth —

Imp.

( My Masters bolt is soone shot )

Comp.

Bestuds the tallest oakes : it strikes not at such dazies as thou art , dandiprat .

Imp.

But Master , if you 'le giue me leaue , I dare aske who dares make your choller boyle .

Comp.

Sir boy , I 'me angry with my selfe , and with a certaine Knight errant .

Imp.

Errant ? An errant asse he is , that angers you . I 'le lay my cap against my dinner ( that 's oddes against a cheese paring ) some Knight has taken the wall of you , and has challenged you into the field . And now mee thinke , your anger makes you tremble .

Comp. Imp.

learne this of me , no feare , but anger , makes men of valour tremble . For anger is the whetstone of fortitude , as sometime said Sir Harry Tottle , my fellow Knight and Philosopher .

Imp.

Woe to that Knight , which coniur'd vp that spright . Your angry spirit will not be coniur'd downe , without blood shed . ( The reason is , my Master loues blacke puddings well . ) But I pray you Master , what knight ? I 'le be your second . My keene weapon feedes on bloodshed . But I shall haue the worst in this bloody combat . ( For nothing but the pudding skinnes and knotted threeds , will fall to my share . )

Comp.

Didst thou marke euen now when Sir Orgolio came to me , desirous to be intoll'd my schollar ?

Imp.

I remember you went aside : but I could not perceiue so much as an angry looke betweene you .

Comp.

No . He was well pleased : but little to my case . The truth is , for fashions sake , I had him to dinner against to morrow at my lodging . And he . —

Imp.

( Hee s inioyned penance by it )

Comp.

And he , like an vnnurtur'd swayne , —

Imp.

Would haue you dine with him .

Comp.

NO . No , Imp. The swaine accepted my proffer . Was I so kinde and generous to inuite him , and he be so vnkinde as to come ?

Imp.

Indeed that 's plaine Country fashion , vnfit for vs .

Comp.

I tell thee Imp I hate him for it , and if he come , I 'le sauce him for it . He shall dine●s last . I 'le temper the sallad with my owne hands .

Imp.

So you had need , ( for we haue no Co●ke to doe it . My Master and I are all the officers i' th house ) But Master , is it so hatefull and deadly to accept a dinner at another mans table ? How are you then aliue ? Me thinkes the Lords and Knights should haue poysoned you long since .

Comp.

Thou hast a pestilent crosse witted brain . I thinke thy conceits doe caper the crosse point within thy pericranion . But see how farre thy reach comes short of mine .

Imp.

( I me saine to reach farre sometime , else I may starue . )

Comp.

Such young cubs as thou , though wily , yet cannot extinguish . I extinguish thus vpon the point . A man may be said to eate anothers meate vpon inuitation , or sans inuitation . Which the vulgar call not inuited ▪ I walke the second way . I will not be inuited . My worth , my gentle faculty , My braue profession , They are the Orators , the Messengers , the Sergeants that inuite , and driue , and draw me to the tables of the best .

Imp.

I would not be that Porter that should keepe you out ( in a cold hungry day when we haue fasted ouer night . )

Comp.

I tell thee , my presence addes honour to the place where I come . Where ere I dine , my vertues pay my share , and where I sit , I leaue behinde me the sweet perfume of courtesie .

Imp.

( A sweet perfume quoth he . Hee has forgot at the French Ordinary when two laquies fell out , and one of them drew his ponyard , who was 't fell in a swoune and left such a perfume behinde him , that the Chamberlaine spent sixe pence in Frankincense . )

Comp.

But hoe , where is this flye ? My Imp. I doe vouchsafe to stoope so low as to aske thy counsaile . It inhaunceth my wisedome , to choose such a seruant , as is able to aduise his Master . The wise Commanders in the warres sometimes listen to the counsell of a common souldier , as Dan Plato saith in his politickes . What sayst thou Imp. What shall I doe to beate this dogge from my doore , it he come to morrow ?

Imp.

Let him come , and barke for hunger : the cudgell of my wit shall hang him away

Comp.

So you 〈◊〉 my honour , faithfull Imp. to thee I leaue this 〈◊〉 , But 〈◊〉 I would know the medicine whereby thou wouldest purge this distemper out of me .

Imp.

I was now tempering and preparing it . List how the hammers heate in the tonge of my brain . Thump . I 'le none of that . Thump againe . I like that better .

Comp.

I long to see the birth of the childe of thy braine .

Imp.

What if you send him word , that this day vpon Apollos call , the whole Academy of vertuous students arriuing here , the Captaine of your Complementall schoole Count Pacheco Giso , takes vp the chiefe Inne in Parnassus .

Comp.

O , at the signe of the flying horse Pegasus .

Imp

And there makes his pro●●ast with a Maske , that must last till midnight .

Comp.

I preethee doe not hold me till midnight in the vnmasking thy aduise . What 's this to mee and Sir Orgolio ?

Imp.

And thereupon that the foresaid Don hath ouer intreated your honourable worship to be the Herald and Earle Marshall to set euery guest in● place , and euery did in● ranke .

Comp.

That none can doe but I , and those that learne of me .

Imp.

Otherwise the Cookes and Sewers will make a ●ay with spi● and chopping kniues : and among the guests there will be a mortall fight for precedency in place .

Comp.

Well said my boy . I haue it now . Therefore Ergo . the Exclusion is , that , as he would preuent murther , he expect not to haue me stay at home that day .

Imp.

That is a charitable exclusion , and tends vnto the preseruation of Apollos peace .

Comp.

But how if Sir Orgolio say then hee 'le come thither too , and be my shadow there , and play the vnder ▪ Marshall at my becke ?

Imp.

He cannot be so vnciuill , as to intrude , vnbid , vncooth , vnkist .

Comp.

He that would be so vnciuill , as to come inuited , I dare not trust him where he is not called .

Imp.

Let him come at his owne perill , yet our house shal be thus acquit of him .

Comp.

What if he returne mee word that hee will come and dine with me next day ?

Imp.

If so , then rather then faile , I 'le blaze it all abroad , that your lodging is set on fire with 〈◊〉 of whole showles and legions of prouision for entertainment .

Comp.

That will bee for mine honour , that my great Chamber of entertainement is in combustion with the fumes of my hospitality .

Imp.

And for your thrift too , that none shall hereafter thinke to be your guest . ( Great Chamber ? We haue neuer a ●come bigger then a Coblers stall ; and as for fire , it blases no further then a tobaccopipe with vs . )

Comp.

What sayest thou ?

Imp.

I say none but the sonne of a Cobler would bee so vncourteous , as to reply against this answer ; and none so witlesse , if euer he refined his braines with tobacco

Comp.

O how hast thou raised vp my heauy heart , I warrant I weigh ten pound lighter then I did ere while .

Imp.

Lighter tenne pound of lead . ( For I neuer now him weigh heauy tenne pound of siluer . I thinke the Faryes runne away with his money . Hee suckes the yong Gentlemens purses , and yet we starue at home . )

Comp.

Now is the time that Master Gingle is to meete with vs on Parnassus downes to act his trampling part Uamos . Exeunt .

Actus tertius . Scena tertia . Lauriger solus .

A Man had neede to haue a long forke , to keepe off this Siren . After I had repulsed her insinuating song , she followes me still , and deliuers me a letter , sent from the Lady Hedone ( to me , she saies ) & shewes a faire indorcement in guilded letters . To the grand supporter of Apollos Court , Lauriger . And so forth as followes in that vn●st title , When I had read the superscription , she by violence would needes imbrace me . I vouchsafed not so much as to open the letter . Wherupon with hatefull heart , and spitefull looke , she vowed reuenge . Now who but she has contriu'd to catch me in a snare . A message is brought to mee by a seeming friend , of proffering a pension from Captaine Complement , to procure a patent from Apollo to hold on his apish trade within these walls .

The Broker told mee , that , of Lauriger , that gold would make me Auriger , that this Captaine fetching ouer diuers of our yonglings , and cheating them of their money , we , by way of reprizall , may take this p●sion , that it is no bribery to receiue it , but an act of iustice : that he that robs a thiefe , hath earned not onely pardon , but also praise .

Now Lauriger summons his wits , and sayes , this is a trap to bring thee in disgrace , and to indanger thy office in Apollos Court . ●ay a straw there Lauriger . Consider that this bragging hobby-horse liues but in al hungry fashion . All he can scratch by cheating , he spends on that witch Siren . He euery quarter to allow a pension of fiue crownes , that can scarce allow himselfe fiue dinners , or an honest flockebed to repose his vaulting bones ? Lay another straw th●e , Lauriger , ●t his straw Masse .

Actus tertius . Scena quarta . Ludio . Lauriger . Ludio .

I Thinke I rose not on the right side today . I haue rambled vp and downe , and can get no playfellowes .

Lau.

Nay this snare which they haue laid for me , when me the more to accuse them both anon at Apollos Iudgement seat .

Lud.

Nouice is so taken vp with the Captaine , that hee cannot be for me all this day .

Lau.

First I will plead he is a corrupter of youth , and turnes them from humane shape into Baboones .

Lud.

Will no body take pitty on a desolate gamester ? Will you play with me ? will you ?

Lau.

Secondly , he robbes them of their patrimonies .

Lud.

Come you i t'h blew iacket , I 'le try with you at this , or that , or these .

Lau.

Thirdly , he puls away the sweetest nuthings from the Muses breasts .

Lud.

At length well hit , I haue found now . Ho. Sir Lauriger , I challenge you at bull , beare , and horse .

Lau.

You will be ho●st at schoole for this . Will not a snatch in the afternoone serue you , and then buckle to your booke againe , but you must lauish out the creame of the morning so prodigally , and hold on thus till noone ?

Lud.

I tell thee , I had rather haue this then creame with sugar . I tast my play : all else is vnsauory to me .

Lau.

If Mus●us heare of this , Apollos curse will light vpon thee .

Lud.

Apollo is our great Lord . And yet I haue heard that he loues boyes play , and therefore he still continues a boy .

Lau.

Peace thou babling rauing tongue .

Lud.

What is he else ? I am sure he has no beard .

Lau.

Thou ignorant fondling , that is hieroglificall . His beardlesse flourishing youth , signifies the neuer fading fame which is gotten by his seruice .

Lud.

I , but sir , by your leaue , I haue read , that Apollo was woont to play at Quoits .

Lau.

The gods may be said to Quoite when they cast into the lappe of fortune , the lots and fates of mortall men . This is the morall of it .

Lud.

I say Apollo plaid at Quoits , as we doe . And his play-fellow was yong Cyparissus , a boy about my pitch and yeeres , but that he had not so manly a looke , as my selfe , but simpered somewhat womanishly .

Lau.

Cyparissus that was turned into a Cypresse tree ▪

Lud.

Apollo plaid with him , by a good token , their Quoits were knockers , heauier then horse shooes , I think . For the poor boy was brained with one of them .

Doth not our Ouid Naso , That neuer told lye , say so ? Lau.

A good token ? that 's a bad token .

Lud.

O how it grieues my heart to thinke of that honest lad . Ah poore Cyparissus . When I learn'd the lesson in Ouid , I could haue corne that lease out of my book , for very griefe , that such a mischance should fall out at the worthy exercise of Quoiting . Out alas , if my trade did not imploy mee better , I could weepe my pocket full .

Lau.

You may take a better lesson thence , then weeping . The meaning of that fable is , that shrode hoyes must beware of spending their time in play , lest some mischiefe befals them : Nay lest Apollo himselfe brain them .

Lud.

You conster false to vs , so you doe .

But I say still ,

And so I will .

I gather thence and will lay ods ,

That sport and play beseemes the gods .

Else our good Master Apollo would neuer himselfe haue plaid at Quoits in his owne proper person , with a paltry boy , like one of vs . I haue writ this note in the margine of my booke . And I thinke verily if Ouid were aliue againe , and should see my wholsome lines , he would turne them into verse , and adde them to that story .

Lau.

Ouid had neuer beene so good a Poet , if hee had spent his schoole time idly in play as you doe .

Lud.

Ouid lou'd play well . I haue heard that hee play'd with Corynna .

Lau.

How this Lad prates ? Ludio I tell thee that was no boyes play .

Lud.

By your leaue sir , Ouid hath honour'd my exercises . He describes in verse our boyes play .

Parna tabella capit ternos vtrinque lapillos ,

In queis vicisse est continuasse tuos .

Twise three stones , set in a crossed square where he wins the game

That can set his three along in a row ,

And that is sippeny morrell , I trow ,

Lau.

This boy consters that true , which many a man vnderstood not . Verily thou readest bookes onely where they speake of play .

Lud.

I doe not thinke that if he were here , he would intreat Apollo to play at Quoits with me or checke stone , or spurnepoint .

Good Sir Lauriger , you are better acquainted with Apollo then I . I pray you intreat him to play with mee this great play day . This is his fat remedy at his shrouingfeast they say . I challenge him at all games from blow-point vpward to football , and so on to mumchance , and ticketacke .

Lau.

How this boyes fancy makes him saucy . Is it not enough sirra , that you trouble mee thus with your idle chat , but you must be so bold with great Apollo ? Hee thinks the gods can injoy no greater blisse then gaming .

Lud.

Sir , doe you heare ? rather than sit out , I will give Apollo three of the nine at Ticketacke . I doe not think but I shall take him at a why not euery other game . His mind will be so on the Muses , & vpon his verses .

Lau.

Apollo and his Musaeus take you too often with a Why-not at-schoole . You know what should follow thereupon . Why-not , &c.

Lud.

Threaten me not . I tell thee , no torture can make me bate an ace of my play . You would not thinke it , but , as I am true Ludio whensoever I am trembling vnder the hand of the executioner , If I doe but think on my play , then even then , those backe blowes , ( which others thinke so rufull ) seeme to me nothing , but threshing hennes at Shrouetide . He that spends his life in play , keepes Shrouetide all the yeere .

Lau.

Belike you thinke play to be Apollos Shrouetide

Lud.

I that I doe : else why play wee now in honour of Apollo ?

Lau.

I tell thee this our play if it be weighed right , is three ounces study , and but one ounce play . This fla● of recreation is not kindled without a sparke of diligence . Our playing now is a kind of study , wheras as thy seeming study is nothing but playing or plodding how and where and with whom to play . Thy trade is to be prodigall of ( the cheifest riches which is in o● power ) time . Thou art a very bankrout of thy owne time : and louest to pull others into the same losses .

Lud.

What speake you of losses ? Hee that loseth at one time may winne at another . I can tell you of of young Oleo , he got of Ganeo the Elder , all his points hatband , garters , and a gold ring , and fiue crowns in money ; and yet in two houres to see to , see how fortune came with a windlace about againe .

Lau.

Peace thou brat , whose mouth is armed with bale of dice , instead of a stall of teeth . What pratest thou of recovering lost rings and money ? The shi● wracke that thou makest is vnrecoverable .

Nec reuocare potes , qui : periere , dies

Lost dayes can never be recalled . Time steals away , as thou art a stealer of time . See now how thou hast incroached vpon my pretious time , whilst I heare a● speake , with such a canker of good houres . Away away .

Lud.

You bid me away , because you dare not play with mee .

Lau.

Dost thou dare me thou elfe ? I will .

Lud.

I know you 'le venture no money , nor points . must play with you for nothing . Come on therefore at hide and seeke , or blinde man buffe .

Lau.

Come , I will once boy it againe at either for a crash

Lud.

Why then at blindman buffe you shall bee first blinded .

Lau.

Nay sir boy , if you challenge and choose the game too , you must be first blinded . But what tooles haue wee ?

Lud.

Borrow one of these Gentlewomens maskes :

Lau.

Nay then you will looke through the holes . Will you gull me so ?

Lud.

If I once looke through the holes , then say Ludio is set in the Pillory . but rather then want ●ew , here take my garter , and tye my sachell about my face .

Lau.

O with what wicked bumbast is his sachell slust ? I thought it was not true begotten bookes , that made the belly of it swell so bigge .

Lud.

It has cast calfe now . You must tye mee to these winckers .

Lau.

I had rather tye thee to one of our schoole posts , or hang our great dicsnary at thy heele , for a clogge to keepe thee from gadding to play .

Lud.

Talke not to me of Dick snary , nor Richard-snary ; I care not how little I come neare them . But sir you must haue this Morice-bell tied to your point , that I may heare where you goe . Else you will haue too much oddes of me .

Lau.

Will you make me act hobby horse , or Master Gingle ? For once I will .

Lud.

Now that is on , come and tye me .

Lau.

So , you are tyed , now I must turne you about thrice . Sic deluditur Ludre . Exit .

Lud.

I doe not heare the bell . Lauriger stands still I doubt . Nay gentle playfellow , you must stirre vp and downe , ●e we shall haue no sport .

Actus tertius . Scena quinta . Siren . Ludio . Sirea.

I Hope to finde more game here . O yonder 's a ●h gamester . I think he is caught in our net already . So , so , Verily Cupid hath blinded him for our purpose .

Lud.

O I haue him . I haue him . But where is your bell ? vntye me now It is your 〈◊〉 to be blinded O what ha●d 〈◊〉 Vndow me , vndoe me .

Sir .

I haue but the vndoing of many in my dayes . But I neuer met with so forward a guest , that would begge his owne vndoing .

Lud.

I haue ouer come it now . What now ? Hee turn'd to Shee ? Master Lauriger , me thinkes your lookes are grown very long on the sodain . Has he seru'd me thus ?

Sir .

How well art thou seru'd , when such a Nimph is at thy seruice ?

Lud.

If thou be at my seruice , s●ake thy silken coate , and golden band , against my garters and hat . Lift who shall deale .

Sir .

Itell thee , I vse little plaine dealing . I must shuffle and cut too .

Lud.

Both ? Nay that 's against law .

Sir .

Yet will i deale plainely with thee . I haue neither skill nor minde to play with thee .

Lud.

Can any sweet Nimph be a stranger to Ludio ? I haue heard that Nimphs loue to play at more games then I know .

Sir .

I doe not refuse , because thou art a stranger , but because thou art our friend ; Thou art ours already . What need wee spend birdlime vpon those wanton sparrowes , that are in our cage already ? S●t cosin Ludio , thou art a member of our family Queene He done gets good accesse by thee . Goe on with all thy thrifty wares to get in more letters vp in our trade . Goe to sir Grobiano , make him pay for thy acquaintance .

Lud.

Gentle goldilockes . I would doe so , but that I am now imployed against my woont in studying an oration to saue my head from a blow , which Apollos visitation may now bring vpon me . Exit .

Actus tertius . Scena sexta . Drudo . Praeco . Siren. Nouice . Drud.

NOuice , you know you must appeare too .

Praeco .

I haue cited him according to law .

Nou.

What is the matter , thinke you ?

Praeco .

I heard a bird sing ( hearke in your eare ) that there s an accusation against you for misspending your time with Captaine Complement .

No

I doe but as others doe . I am not alone .

Drud.

What strange guest is yon ? A female I thinke . Who but Siren that has made such turmoiles here of late . Praco haue you cited her ?

Praeco .

Shee 's in my ●owle , I 'me glad I haue met with her . Dame Siren , thou art indited by the name of Siren for subuerting Apollos subiects ; You must along with mee , and appeare to answer such matters as shall be obiected against you , on the behalfe of our Soueraigne Lord Apollo .

Siren.

Thou arrest me , who haue arrested thy betters ? I tell thee , I will be there . I haue good friends in Apollos Court . I will not be hired to tarry away . But before I goe , I must deliuer a message to you from a great goddesse .

Praeco .

A goddesse to mee ?

Siren.

I●o thee , and thee , and to you all .

Drud.

Say what thou must , or canst .

Siren. Hedone , Queene Hedone , sweet Hedone , Dame natures care , and noblest birth , The ioy , and crowne of heauen , and earth , The aime , and center of desire , The fuell of most sacred fire , By me , and this , and this She sends you all her blisse . Among the gods she hath her place , They all stand gazing on her face . The clouds do from her presence flye , 'T is sunshine where she casts her eye . Where are she treads on earth below , A rose or lilly vp doth grow . Her breath a gale of spi● brings : Mute are the Muses when she sings . What ere she touches turnes to Nectar , What man , but can , and must affect her ? No heart so hard , but needes must melt , When once her kindely warmth is felt . She , she vouchsafe , to call you to her , And wooing prayes you now to wooe her . By study soone , fresh youth doth breake , The faire grow foule , the strong grow weake : Leaue leaue this musing bookish trade : Inioy your selues before youth fade . Time must be gone , Old age creepes on . Drud.

She puts her message home , me thinkes .

Praeco .

I haue arrested her ; and I thinke shee will arrest vs .

Nouice .

I like her song well , I 'le get a coppy of it . If Apollo giue me leaue , I will haue more acquaintance with her . Me thinkes this Siren would make a good wife for my Master , Captaine Complement , and so she shall be my Mistresse . O faire Hedone , sweet honey Hedone , more sweet then Marmalet , or Quidony .

Drud.

Away thou glosing flatterer . Wee are no game for thee . Let vs about our businesse . Praeco doe your office , carry her away . Let her chant this song before Apollo . The Muses will out-sing her , and teare her flearing lockes . I will goe cite Slug . Exeunt .

Finis Actus tertij .
Actus quartus . Scena prima . Complement . Gingle . Implement . Comp.

GEntle sir Gingle , the flowre of my schoole , returne my thankes to the honourable Dame Indulgence thy high deseruing Mother , for the glittering token the sent me . I shall deserue it in my readinesse to accomplish thee . But where ended we yesterday ?

Ging.

You were instructing me how to salute a Lady , or so , if she had a Monkey , or so , and wept , or so .

Imp.

This is but so , so .

Comp.

In case you finde a Lady weeping and mournfull , for that her Monkey is sicke of the mumps , then say .

Ging.

Faire Lady weepe not for your Monkey .

Comp

This is bare and vulgar . Rather Ash your salutation thus . 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Claridiana .

Ging.

●t as can be . T● is Claridiana was courted by the Knight of the sunne . My Mother has ●ad that booke to me . Sir your s●le is very h●h and lo● .

Imp.

Ves sir , my master and I haue gone ouer many as high a stile , when we went to robbe orchards for our dinners .

Comp.

Twise double worthy dubbed Maddame —

Giag.

Twise dobble dubbed . What doth shee weare a doublet doe Ladies ●e to weare doublets now ?

Comp.

You vnderstand not . There was of late yeeres a fashion , when haec vir , & hic mulier were in request . But gentle Gingle , though thou dost stand vnder me , yet thou dost not vnderstand me . Twise doubly because she hath two titles to her honour . The full a title of law which shee hath from ●et Qu band who was dubbed Knight with an vnbloody sword . The second The second What ●'st . him h● , the second . Oh I haue it , because the is rich● in cloathes then in ioynter . But proceed we in your approach .

Ging.

Oh so you haue wonderfully inlighted inlighted me .

Comp.

I haue wipe ●and clarified the dull spectacle of thy intellect with the Napkin of my Comment.

Ging.

Indeed now me thinks espye her clearely without a looking-glasse . But how should I forbid her to weep ?

Imp.

To weepe ? Madame I forbid the banes betweene you and snow .

Ging.

I , the Knights name Sorrow ?

Imp.

Perhaps hee 's a o●y knight , ( like my master )

Comp.

What Imp. you are too nimble . Are you so saucy to step before me ?

Imp.

( I was saine to step before him when we stole hens together , and he put me first into the henn-roost . )

Ging.

Truely Captaine me thinkes Implement suggests very 〈◊〉 would willingly forbid those banes .

Comp.

Forbidding banes ? Away with this forbidding banes . It is a banefull ominous word , not befitting the wooing stile . You shall mould all vp in the fine pulle past of poetry thus .

Twice double worthy dubbed Madame ,

Whose vertues not the longest tongue can fadome .

Imp.

I thinke Ladies garments are measured by th' ell and by the yard , but measuring their vertues by the fadome , I neuer heard of before .

Ging.

Twice double worthy dubbed Madame , Whose long tongue no man can fadome .

Comp.

O dismall . O dangerous ! Take heed of stumbling so with your tongue when you speake of female tongues . Whose vertues not the longest tongue can fadome .

Ging.

Whose vertues not the longest tongue can fadome .

Comp.

Right and streight . Then on .

Souse not thy glittering globy eyne

In dreary teary salt sea brine .

Ging.

Globy eyne ? What 's that ?

Comp.

Know'st thou not what globy is ? I perceiue then thou a● no traueller , thou hast not ( as I haue done ) trauelled about the globe of the earth . Know'st not what eyne be ? I see thou art no Poet , thou hast neuer read Chaucer . Hast thou neuer heard of eyne twaine ?

Ging.

Souse not . This word will not downe with me .

Imp.

Mr. Gingles queasie stomacke cannot disgest souse .

Ging.

The Lady will thinke , I vse to conuerse with Tripewiues , if I talke to her of souse .

Imp.

Mr you once courted a sousing Dame , ( a fulsome Kitchinwench . )

Comp.

Peace thou squeaking pigge ; or else the bandogs of these hands shall lugge thy lagging eares . Souse not thy globy eyne . I tell thee this is not such as it is vulgarly taken . It is not a butcherly word , it is not descended from the Tripe wife , nor hath it affinity with the fryingpan .

Imp.

Nor did it euer hang cheeke by iole with a blacke pudding .

Comp.

Marke the Philosophy of the phrase . The roaring dashing element , the sea is salt , and brine is salt , and trickling teares are salt .

Imp.

And P. I. S. is salt .

Com.

The sea , the bryne , the teares , the teares , the bryne , the sea . Why may they not all three thus dashing , soaking , soucing lye ? It is a martiall word . I vse it often my selfe , I tell thee .

Imp.

I too often when you tell me you 'le giue me a souse on the eare .

Ging.

Souse not , &c. Fit . wondrous fit , as my persumed gloue for my sweethand . It shee wept for sorrow before , I shall now make her weepe for ioy to heare this eloquence .

Imp.

But my Masters , you leaue the poore Monkey too long in distresse . Heel le dye o' th Mumpes , vnlesse we relieue him the sooner .

Ging.

'T is true . Pray goe on . I am to say your Monkey will recouer . Master Prompter doe your part .

Comp.

Then thus . Your soure leg'd , two-leg'd , Man-imitating , two-handed , long-tayled play fellow , shall be readuanced to his pristine integrity of limbs .

Imp.

He had need put in sound of winde and limb , for the Mumps lay siege to his throate , and breed more danger to his weazand , then to his tenne bones .

Ging.

Two-foot , foure-foot ? how can that be ? Hath hee sixe feet ?

Imp.

Sixe feet ? sixe to one my Master puts the tricke of the louse vpon him . I haue knowne when hee has blowne them in a quill vpon better men this this .

Comp.

Thou art not worthy to be numbred among the two-footed , but rather art to bee imbased vnto the foure-footed . If thou dost not vnderstand how Apes and Monkeyes are two-leg'd and two-handed ; sometime they creepe on all foure . Imp. shew him how , sometime they stalke on tiptoe . Thus .

Imp.

If I had bin an Ape I should haue climed plum-trees brauely .

Comp.

Let me see how you can imitate this .

Ging.

Sometime they trace on all foure thus .

Imp.

Sometime they ride vpon a mastiffe dogge thus . I want nothing now but my whippe to keepe this Lollard hound in awe .

He rides vpon Gingles backe . Comp.

Come off Imp. Enough of this . We will send him hereafter for instruction to Paris Garden , where hee shall learne not onely Ape trickes , but the whipping of blinde Beares .

Ging.

Paris Garden ? O fine Paris they say is a one City in France . I am glad he will send mee thither . No man can be a compleat Gentleman till he haue learnt their cringes and crinkling i' th hams : which is in excellent request to the heauens now adayes .

Comp.

Good sir , I hope my selfe , and such men of worth as I , haue transported thence already plentifull loads of this French ware , that you shall saue the labour and cost of liuing there at their deare Ordinaries and pretious dancing-schooles , you must therefore in your stipend to me allow me , for that which I spent among Counts , Nobles , Knights and Monsiers there ; sometime i t'h fiue pound Ordinary , I tell you .

Imp.

An horrible profitable lye My Master ne're dyn'd there but with O●llers and Vintners boyes .

Comp.

I tell you it cost me soure Nobles to the Vsher of the dancing schoole to learne one tricke , which they cal Le Tourne fuseau It wheeles a man about , as a boy does a stone in a ho●pe , and makes him appeare as round and vniforme , as a Ioyners turn'd bed post .

Gins.

I pray you learne me that whirlegig tricke .

Comp.

You are not come to that . Be not so hasty , you are yet but in the Rudiments , and to tell you plaine , you must refund to me some charge for other proficiency before we aspire so high .

There was another vaulting tricke called the our .

Imp.

The base vulgar in English call it the hoister .

Comp.

It lifts a man vp till he grow lesse and lesse like a Hawke after a Heron . Shaw . It cost me . Let me see .

Imp.

how much ?

Imp.

Vpon mine honour thirty Crownes .

Comp.

I thinke it was but twenty .

Imp.

By your leaue master , I know better then you . Doe not I keepe your Count Booke ? I 'me sure 't was that weeke that you bought the Iewellers rich Diamond that was refused by so many Nobles . They could not reach the price of it .

Comp.

O it was the late Queene Mothers Iewell . Thou didst still thou forgetfull brat to leaue it behinde . I should haue worne it at this publike show . All Parnassus would haue admired it .

Imp.

Master , you lost the key of your Cabinet . I durst not breake it ope ( The diuell a Iewell we haue , but one that was bought of a Pedlar , and in the Country Townes he makes a great show with it at Beare . baitings , but in such ciuill places as this is , he durst not be seene with it . )

Ging.

I pray you when I am i' th humour of buying Iewels , let me haue the refusall of it .

Comp.

Thou shalt , because thou art an ingenious Gentleman 〈◊〉 Imp. Remember to set downe a caueat in the Margent of my Inuentary , that no man else ●y so much as looke on it or haue any price set of it .

Imp.

Master Gingle I pray you pay me ten groats for entring this Caueat in mine office . My fee my fee sir .

Ging.

Come to me at my lodging , and I will lay salt on this birds oyle dor feare of flying away .

Comp.

I tell you Master Gingle . It will goe neere to cost you the manner of Foolingham .

Ging.

Let oakes and lands flye . I meane to glitter bright in Diamond ▪ dearely dight .

Comp.

You must adde .

That men and dames may gaze , and say ,

What starre is that , that glides along this way ?

Ging.

What starts is that , &c O excell● All the world could neuer haue furnisht me with such a Tutor .

Comp.

Say rather all the habitable circumference of this muddy masly earthy globe could not haue affoorded and suppeditated vnto me so mellifluous an Indoctrinator , as is the curious Captaine Complement .

Ging.

O that I could by Metamorphasis be transformed into this eloquent man .

Imp.

Thou hadst better bee transformed with Apuleius into a golden Asse .

Comp.

I tell thee I haue written a large booke of instructions how a man should weare his cloaths , on which side his purse should lye in his pocket , which stocking he should draw on first vpon ominous dayes .

Imp.

Indeed sir I haue heard you often tell of a man that brake his legge because hee pul'd on his left stocking first on one of the dogge dayes .

Comp.

I sirra , and there was another , that had the tooth-ach seuen yeeres after , because he pickt his teeth with the south end of his picktooth , in stead of the north , while he was in his chamber meditating a discourse to be offred vp before a beuy of Ladies .

Ging.

Is there south and north a picktooth ?

Comp.

I , it was touched with a loadstone .

Ging.

I would rather haue pickt my teeth with my knife thus , then haue runne into such a mischiefe .

Comp.

What say you ? what doe you ? doe you weare a knife about you ?

Ging.

I 'me sure it cost mee a Marke , and I got mine armes grauen vpon the blade , three hobby-horses or , prancing in a field ▪ or , bridled and sadled argent .

Comp.

Then I must n●s tell you my minde . I hop'd well that you would proue vnder my hands , but now I doubt you are no Gentleman , I feare you le neuer proue fashionable , I will rather imploy my paines about other my schollars who haue vowed neuer to weare kniues .

What ? weare a knife . Nay I haue done with you .

Ging.

Nay , good sir , I pray you doe not cast me off , I 'le rather cast away this clownish toole .

Imp.

I may take it vp and weare it . No knife can wound my gentry .

Comp.

We burne day light . I must hast , and muster vp my friends and aduocates to plead for mee in this Court . Sirra Imp. runne to Mistresse Gingle , tell her , now 't is time .

Ging.

I will be your Remembrancer to her : Shee shall protect you , else she is no mother for me .

Actus quartus . Scena secunda . Geron with a forke on 's necke .

I Haue bin mending my hedges , which the scuruy boy Ludio broake downe . And now when I would rest at home , and take my nooning-nap , I must bee vexed with my sonne , my wretched sonne . They say that Apollo keepes visitation to day . I will lay my sonne at his Pallace gate , perhaps this feast day wee may get some fauour , some drop of his clemency . Exit .

Actus quartus . Scena tertia . Mistresse Indulgence and Iugge Rubbish . Indul.

IV. ge Rubbish What Iugge ? bring away the looking glasse . Thou dirty Rubbish , thy singers haue defiled the lace of my Cuffes . Will not cuffing about the eares make you more cleanly ?

Ing.

The lace is so thicke , that I was faine to tugge hard at it . I know not what can foule it , vnlesse the smoothing-iron cast a rusty colour through the paper

Ind.

Out vpon thee for an old rusty lyer . The glasse ▪ Hold it on the other side . You know I doe not loue to behold that moule on this cheeke . Thou spitefull baggage , more yet on the left hand . Is that the left hand ?

Iug.

Heere 's my left hand .

Ind.

I , but the other side is my left hand . You must conforme your eyes and hands to your ▪ Mistresse , and forget which is your owne right or left . Do's my Vaile hang in true proportion ?

Iug.

I can say nothing for any portion , but in hangs iust behinde you .

Indul.

Vnlesse I be set all in print , the Poeticall Muse will make times on me , when they see mee in A● Iudgement Hall . But Iugge , what had my sonne to breakefast this morning ?

Ing.

A Pullets wing .

Indul.

That 's not forsooth . What nothing else ?

Iug.

Forsooth a piece of Pye too But so sooth Mistresse , if you giue me leaue , I 'le tell you what they say of him .

Indul.

What ? who ? Why ?

Iug.

Marry forsooth Philoponus , and others eke also do say , if you feed him so much , that he will neuer proue : a scholler .

Indul.

Proue scholler ? Doe they thinke my childe is so low borne as to be made a ●y scholler ? Shall such a keene refin'd wit be dul'd and imbased , by plodding on a booke ? What is Philoponus but a Bookeworme , an Inckhorne squirt , a botching patcher of Latin shred● What is this learning , but a little gibberish in the tongue , a sheepish looke in the face , and pennilesse famine in the purse ? I he more schollar a young man is , the lesse like to speed of a rich wife . I will haue my sonne the marke and wish of the most renowned Dames .

Iug.

I doe not so hate schollars , but that I could one in my heart to marry Philoponus at a venture .

Indul.

I will , as mannerly as I may , tell Apollo that it is an honour to his schoole , that such a one as my sonne was of it , though but for a tast of the Muses dish , a gentle touch of the verge of their garment . I , but is my Coach ready ?

Iug.

One of the horses is very vnruly , the Coachman . talkes like a rogue , and sayes that nothing but a wise will tame him .

Indul.

This lewd horse-rubbers tongue must be tam'd I doubt he is three quarters drunke .

Iug.

That 's no newes .

Indul.

I must away , the houre runnes with swifter race then my horses . Exeunt .

Actus quartus . Scena quarta . Enter Geron and Retro his sonne . Geron .

KEepe on thy way , dost thou not see ? hold on that path . Seest thou not how my staffe doth wise thee the way ? I thinke thou cam'st backward into the world , that now art dam'd to this crab-like pace . Shall I neuer be rid of this office ? So : stand still Now me thinkes I see the portch of great Apollos temple . O great Apollo , if my sonne haue thus deserued to be punished , yet what hath guiltlesse Geron , what hath he offended ?

Retro .

O. terg . ollota nodrap . su .

Geron.

Thou dost well to humble thy selfe before great Apollo . But why to pardon vs ? Why me ?

Retro .

Rethaf , O. rethaf .

Geron.

What sayest thou to thy Father ?

Retro .

Ti. saw . ruoy . tlaf .

Geron.

What sayest thou ? Was it my fault ?

Retro .

Voy. tes . em . ta . ot . ih , a koob .

Geron.

Did I set you at too high a booke ? You were too proud of your wit , and would needes slide ouer the rudiments , and leape at first into an higher forme , then your capacity would reach vnto .

Retro .

Im. rehtom . Im. ●thom .

Geron.

Thy Mother , thy Mother . I , it is true , thy Mother would needes haue it so . I must needs say 't was her fault , not mine . She euer ioggd me , and told mee , that her Rowland was as good a schollar , as his Master , and that the 〈◊〉 est booke did best befit his ●gh flowne 〈◊〉 and now alas thy long long punishment penance vnto me , then to thy two yeeres haue I bin 〈◊〉 at home . It grieues & grates mee eares to heare this backward language imposed by Apollos doome on my wretched childe . It wounds mine eyes to see these backward steps . And yet remaines a furtiuer time for me ,

To be the scorne and by word of this place . Old Gerons ouer-forward childe Retorted for his hastinesse , Is made the prou● 〈◊〉 of these times . And likened to soone ripe soone rotten fruit ▪ But how long time remaines yet vnexpir'd 〈◊〉 this vnnaturall preposterous taske ? 〈◊〉 ●o . Rey . Say . Norey . 〈◊〉 I , so , it is one whole liuelong yeere . ●ich thy poore father ( spent with teares and grief ) Scarce hopes now to outlast . Alas The candle of my dayes is almost spent , It waueth in the snufte , and little oyle Is left to make it flame . And yet alas too soone these blasts of sighes Will puffe it out ▪ ●ese teares will drowne it quite . Retro .

Rethaf . reed . Rethaf .

Geron.

What sayest thou my deere sonne , too deere to me , that hast me cost so deepe a punishment .

Ret.

Tel . su . geb so . old pa.

Geron.

Well What shall we begge of Apollo ?

Ret.

Ot , nodrap . su . sibt . ●ey .

Geron.

To pardon this yeere to vs , and release thee ? I feare thy wishes are farre larger then our hopes .

Ret.

Irrem . ollopa .

Geron.

Merry Apollo ? I doubt his eares are stopt , and I haue heard the gods vse not to recall their doomes , which they haue once pronounced .

Ret.

Keps . of suesu●n .

Geron.

What ? wouldest thou haue me speake to Musaeus Apollos Priest , to intercede for thee for this remission ?

Ret.

Os ot . mih.

Actus quartus . Scena quinta . Geron. Philop. Musaeus . Retro . Geron. IN good time here he comes forth . But sonne I dare not approach to him . O what a trembling reuerence doth possesse My limbs , and all benums my chill cold blood , When I behold his awefull grauity . Let vs retire beside this shady tree This mossy bancke will rest my weary limbs , And giue me time to recollect my spirits . Phil. Graue guide of tender youth , Interpreter Of great Apollos lawes chiefe secretary Vnto the learned Muses , all your words Are lodged safe in this laborious breast . Thinke your command 's no sooner said then done ▪ Musaeus . Carefull Philoponus , I approue your paines And haue already recommended you Vnto Apollos selfe . O that the rest Of those , that vndertake this worthy taske , Pretending to the liberall sciences , Could so acquit themselues . But 〈◊〉 all seeing 〈◊〉 in circling round About both Hemispheares of this large world , Hath spy'd that some ( O too too great a summe ) Haue s●ly crept within the verge and pa● Of his dominions . In truth they strangers are , Nay enemies and rebels to his lawes ; Yet would be counted Natiues of his schoole , By them his tender plants corrupted are , Distorted , bruised , hindred of their growth . Thinke they that these foundations haue bin l● These Cells erected , and those Temples dight To harbour such foule el●es ? Shall snorting sloath Thinke here to nestle , fixed to his bed , As is the slow-pac'd snaile vnto his shell ? Shall wanton pleasure thinke to reuell here ? Shall toying apish prating Complement Outface the Muses , teare Apollos lockes , Intice away the tender brood , with showes Of empty words , and bubbles vanishing ? Shall shifting sharkes defraud their innocence ? Shall hasty heady Nouices outleap their masters lo● , Presuming on their wit , and vndertake To read a lecture to their teacher ? No . 'T is well that some haue heretofore for this Bin made examples of such hastinesse . Nay let them backward goe , that thus haue runne . Geron. Alas poore childe , I see , he meaneth thee . Haue pitty on vs great Apollos Priest . Worthy Philoponus intreat Mus●us for my childe . Phil.

Do'es your childe desire so much ?

Retro .

D●g . ris keps . ros. em .

Geron.

Speake for him good sir .

Phil.

His language is so harsh , that I will speake , if it be but to rid my eares of this preposterous sound . Venerable Mus●us . May it please our Lord Apollo , now after two yeers penance to remit the remaining yeer .

Musaeus .

If there be euidence that in this time , he hath retir'd and plyed what formerly he ouerslipped in his rudiments .

Phil.

My selfe can partly witnesse that .

Muscus .

It may be that Apollo will consider him . But let vs hast vp to Pernassus top . The time is come , the Court must now begin .

Geron.

My heart is warme with hope to follow them .

Actus quartus . Scena sexta . Complement . Gingle . Implement . Comp.

STill I say and sweare vpon my vertues , that you are mistaken . Haue you bin so long my schollar , and are you yet vnacquainted with the Callender of my stipend booke ?

Ging.

My bargaine was to allow you fiue crownes a moneth , and will you now wire-draw mee to thirteene moneths i' th yeere ? When I was Apollos schollar , I 'me sure Musaeus reckoned but quarterly , 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 but twelue moneths i' th yeere .

Comp.

Apollos Priest must follow his Masters walke , the sunnes yeerely passage through the twelue signes of the Zodiake . I will haue nothing to doe with Astronomy .

Ging.

I , but our Almanackes euery yeere reckon but twelue moneths .

Comp.

What dost thou tell me of Almanackes ? Vsurers goe by the Almanacke . I scorne that griping trade . My moneth is foure weekes ●ust , you may remember them by the changing your shirts , euery fourth shirt determines my pay .

Imp.

I reckon the moneth by one shirt .

Ging.

Who shall be iudge betweene vs ?

Comp.

Iudge betweene vs ? Am not I thine instructer ▪ I 'le be thy iudge . For euery one of my moneths I teach thee a severall straine of Courtesie And so thou hast of me in the yeere , documents accordingly , thirteene to the dozen .

Imp.

My Masters father was a Baker , and therefore he allowes an odde call of courtesie , neatly chipt .

Comp.

Si●a Imp. draw out the Catalogue and number them .

Imp.

The first moneth , the Semicircle .

Ging.

I , with my hat thus . To make iust halfe a circumference .

Comp.

Remember alwaies the drop withall .

Ging.

In my motion , my gold hatband must fall downe , thus .

Imp.

I cry fallings : this is my fee , I trow .

Comp.

It is an excellent embleme , and signifies that for loue of your friend , you will cast away your gold , and trample it vnder your feet , and that 's the reason that Gentlemen now adayes weare their hatbands loose . Register proceed .

Imp.

The second moneth the Calue-claspe .

Comp.

Performe it with Imp. that I may view you the better . Doe you remember that in arching your arme ouer his shoulder , you must neuer touch his band or garment behinde , but apprehend the calfe with your first touch intirely .

Ging.

I warrant you , I am old dogge at that .

Imp.

If I had knowne you had bin an old dogge , I would not haue trusted you with my Calfe . Ba .

Ging.

And before I dismisse the calfe , I giue it the gentle nip or prasye thus .

Imp.

Ba , ba . No Butcher nips a Calfe more neatly in the rumpe .

Comp.

Which shewes your feruency of loue , that you are loath to be vnclasped from your friends intimity .

Ging.

I haue it to a haire .

Comp.

Register walke on your monethly pace .

Imp.

The third moneth , the gentle shrug .

Comp.

I must tell you , you haue not got that perfect yet .

Ging.

Not my shrugge sir ? That was my last lesson .

Imp.

Indeed sir I was by , when Signior Gosso in that action smiled , and asked if you were not lowsie .

Comp.

O there 's your fault , gentle Gingle . A hundred to one you shrugged but with one shoulder .

Imp.

I would aduise you hereafter to shrugge by a looking-glasse , that you may see after what manner you doe it .

Ging.

Indeed my looking-glasse is broken with dancing with it in my hand , to marke the postures of my face when I caper'd . But I 'le buy another .

Comp.

Nay , you must buy two , that one may reflect vpon the other , and then may you at once see your motion in your shrugge both before and behinde .

Ging.

O excellent ! for this double glasse , I 'le giue you a double fee . But , I pray you sir , wherein is my shrug faulty ?

Comp.

My deare schollar , thou must know , there are diuers kindes of shrugges , there is the Misers shrugge , and that is accompanied with the scratching of the elbow : there is the Beggars shrugge , and that 's done with a quicke motion , snatching , to make a sixe ▪ footed bandogge leaue his hold .

Imp.

My Master and I act that at home sometimes , when we are loath to part with an old friend , our linnen .

Comp.

There is a winter shrugge , and that 's performed with the hands insconced in a Muste , & a Foxe-furr'd co● close gift . There is a drowsie shrugge , and that sometime befals a gallant , when he has set vp al night at Cards , and sau'd the pulling off his boo●es . This shrugge is commonly performed with displaying out the armes , and yawning with the mouth , which represents a kinde of Libbards face . And lastly , there is a gentle Italian shrugge .

Ging.

I pray you sir let me goe with you Let mee see . The Misers shrugge , the winter shrugge , the drowsie shrugge , the lousie shrugge . I shall hardly carry away all these .

Comp.

Nay , you must carry away none of these . You must leaue them all behinde you . The last and onely gentle shrugge , is your Italian shrugge .

Ging.

O the Italian shrugge . There 't is . How 's that ? I shrugge with desire to learne it .

Comp.

That shrugge is performed by lifting vp both shoulders exactly together with one vniforme motion , somewhat swift , and holding them a while in suspence , with the necke somewhat couching , and the chinne thrust out , then the shoulders are to bee let downe againe , as it were by a double pulley , with a slow motion , which by degrees vanisheth . And if you will accomplish it with a grace , you must all the while cast your eyes into a leering posture .

Ging.

O excellent schoole of vertue ! But when must I vse this shrugge ?

Comp.

Vpon diuers occurring cases , very vsefully . But especially when you are ask't a question , which you cannot deny with safety , nor assent vnto with honor . In such a two-forked dilemma , the shrugge relieues you , and you come off with reputation of wisedome .

Ging.

This is an oracle to mee , I pray you expound by example .

Comp.

Put case that some faire and honourable Lady were mentioned at the Table , and thereupon some busie curious Gentleman should aske you whether there past no tearmes of loue betweene you and her . To deny it , were a derogation from your honour . To loue or be belou'd is honourable . For you to acknowledge it , were perhaps dangerous . Some of the company may be your Riuall , and so rusty iron may leap out of the Ecle-skin , and pricke your skinne . Thus Venus may be exchanged for Mars . And of the two , hee s the most dangerous companion to a mans naked side . One shrugge quits all this , by which you seeme to say , I am not to bee examined vpon this Intergatory . I stand vpon my guard , all arm'd in silent wisedome .

Ging.

Incomparable dogments . Mus●us neuer taught me so good a lesson .

Comp.

But high time it is for vs to appeare , the Session is begunne by this . The villaine Praco is like death , and will spare none . Mee thinks I heare him cry , Captaine Complement appeare . Goe Coach it vp with your Mother . I and my

Imp.

will march vp the hill on foot . Here sir , I appeare sir .

Imp.

Here sir , at hand . Exeunt .

Finis Actus quarti .
Actus quintus . Scena prima . Philoponus . Amphibius . Phil. SEe how thy soule was snar'd with sophistry . No Author here alleadg'd for Hedone , But quels those poysons with their Antidotes . Marke Tully in that place doth smoothly pleade For youthfull Calius , so to palliate His Clyents true obiected vanities . There Tully plaid the Lawier for his fee . Behold him now a sage Philosopher : Discoursing of Old Age , he there concludes , In voluptatis regno virtutem non posse consistere , That vertue cannot stand where pleasure raignes . Anacreon was a wanton Epicure , A glosing Poet , but lewd Moralist : He sould his soule to Uenus and her sonne , Such writers we for stile , not matter reade . Siren from Terence pleads , that in yong men Deepe quaffing , roating , whooring , is no fault . Doth not that Poet represent the parts , The passions , and seuerall enormities Of cockering doting fathers , of lewd sonnes , Of cheating slaues , and cogging parasites ? Thus he describes the vices of those times , That readers might them hate , not imitate . S● , Comique Poets set out drunkennesse In him that pleads for Bacchus , and the while Doth swagger , stagger , swallow , wallow , snort , The soule ▪ that this picture is , the more That swinish vice breeds loathing of it selfe . If I would on a Comique stage display Vertue in conflict stoutly labouring , And then in conquest honoured by fame ; First would I personate her enemy In some such busie guiles and forgery , As this lewd Siren represents to thee . The rest of Authors , Motiues , Arguments , Which in that letter you so stood vpon , Are of no better stampe , as I haue showne . And can farre more at large . But why should I distrust thy iudgement so ? Amp. You haue , judicious Philoponus , More hardly in the groue , more briefly here , Dispel'd those mists , which that inchanting witch Had cast before mine eyes . I see , I see The light of reason , then eclipsed quite , But now reuiueing my recouered sight . O how I loath , and hate that iuggling hand , That wrote , or teach't to me these balefull lines . What sacrifice to Vertue can I yeeld More or , then thus to teare that robe , wherein That poyson was conuey'd , to be to me As was the deadly shirt to Hercules ? So would I also her . He teares thee letter , and stampes on it . Phil.

Your best reuenge on her will be henceforth , No more to speake with her by word or pen , Weomens faire words worke deep with passiue men

Amp.

What heaps of thankes owe I , and cannot pay , To such a faithfull other selfe , whose hand Hath reached forth that Ariadnes thred Which me out of this Labyrinth hath led .

Phil.

Come let vs vp into Apollos Court . The Session is long since begunne . There shall you more confirme your resolution , by hearing Apollo himself in his iudgment seate . Exeunt .

Actus quintus . Scena secunda . Drudo . Slugge . Drud.

I Tell thee againe , I haue no great hope of it . You haue suffered so many repulses , that if I were in your case — Where is he . So ho . Come along , mend your pace . What ? haue you the gout ?

Slug.

Alas in foot , and hand too . My father and grandsire had so .

Drud.

Stand vp for shame . Else how will you appeare in Apollos presence , so much as to present your request .

Slug.

Well . I 'le stretch my limbs so farre , though I bee already tyred with our long iourney .

Drud.

A long iourney from your Cottage to Apollos Court ? when your Tent is fixed but on the other side of the wall . A man may fling a horse loase so farre .

Slug.

I 'le rather bee fed with horse bread , then trauaile so farre againe to fetch whitebread . But I pray you let vs sit downe . I shall talke much wiser , sitting then standing .

Drud.

Why so ?

Slug.

Doe not Iudges sith as now Apollo does there . And I hope they are wiser , then those that stand to heare them .

Drud.

I judge standing , that thou hast little vnderstanding that art such an enemy to standing .

Slug.

But sir Drudo , why doe you discourage mee from hope of admittance ?

Drud.

The truth is , I see no great reason why you should be admitted . I 'me sure for these seuen yeeres , euery visitation day you haue bin shut out of doores by Musaeus as soone as euer hee espyed you lying vpon the bench in Apollos Court . And for the most part , when your name hath bin called aloud by Praco , you haue bin asleepe , and were faine to be ioggd and shak'd againe before you would answer .

Slugge snorts and sleepes .

Out vpon thee , what art thou in a Lethargy ? I thinke thy mother was asleepe when thou wast begotten . So bo . So bo . I tell thee againe , after seuen repulses , why shouldest thou knocke at Apollos gate .

Slug.

I dare not knocke at this gate ▪ the hammer that hangs on it , is so cold and heauy . And why should I disquiet the Muses with such a noise ? Perhaps some of them are asleepe in Apollos lap .

Drud.

Thou Dormouse , thou liu'st in a perpetuall winter : think'st thou them like to thee ?

Slug.

I cannot climbe this hill . I pray fetch Apollo hither . Or be you Apollo .

Drud.

What shall Drudo be so bold . No . But say what thou canst . Apollo sees and heares all things in all places .

Slug.

Why then Apollo . Drudo , I craue admittance .

Drud.

What is your clayme ?

Slug

I am the top of my kin . I am Slim Slugge , Sluggy Sluggorum .

Drud.

What 's that to your plea ? Are you a kinne to the Muses .

Slug.

I haue long prescription time out of time . I haue bin entertain'd euermore by some of Apollos prentises . They haue kept me and sed me in their chambers , and hug'd me in their bed . I neuer wanted among them , those that would rather rest with me in a cold morning , then dance after the Muses pipe with benum'd hands and chattering teeth .

Drud.

All Wines haue some lees ,

All Bee-hiues some droanes .

Think'st thou that such prescription shall get thee admittance ?

Slug.

I am weary of sitting . I thinke it were better for me to lye downe vpon this banke . I shall talke much wiser yet when my head lyes lower then my heeles , for then all my spirits and wits sinke downe into my braine . So I 'le tell thee now what learn'd counsaile I gaue to a young schollar , when he told me that his Master chid him for keeping his bed . Why ( quoth I to him ) then answer your Master , I pray you sin , would you haue me all my bed ? your law , that you giue vs , is , Nil dabis , aut vendes . —

Drud.

Very learnedly applyed to the purpose .

Slug.

When I read lecture to my auditors . —

Drud.

Surely then thou giu'st a deepe nod at euery s● point .

Slug.

I inioyne them , Sell your Bookes , sell your Inkehornes , sell your Candlestickes , sell your Points , but neuer sell your beds . The bed is the seate and throne of a schollar . For contemplation requires quietnesse . And when is a man more quiet , then when he is in 〈◊〉 bed ? Ergo .

Drud.

Spoken like a Philosopher , but of the Epicures sect .

Slug.

Nay you shall haue Philosophy vp to the elbowes . The bed is the beginning and end of a man . When we come into the world , are not our Mothers said to be brought to bed ? When we dye , are not we on our death bed ? Whil'st we liue , when are we more innocent then when we are asleepe in our bed ? then wee thinke no body any hurt . When are mischiefes done by men , but when they are awake , and imploy themselues most busily ? Ergo .

Drud.

It seemes so by thee , for thou art seldome awake thus long , but to doe some such mischiefe at to talke in this manner .

Slug.

The best Philosophers haue said , and I haue heard it in Apollos schoole . Motus fit propter quietem . Nature intends motion , that it may attaine rest . And all schollars know , that what is desired , as the end , is better then that , which is ordained as the meanes to it .

Drud.

Nay siria , the best of them say , that motion is better then rest . For the heauens moue continually , and the earth , which is the dregs of the world , that rests , and slugs like thee . The day is for labour , and the night for rest . And I hope the day is farre better then the night . Ergo .

Slug.

Well . I haue all the earth on my side : I 'me safe enough . Goe you and dance after the starres . I 'le hold my rest here .

Drud.

Enough of this Philosophy . Thou lolling lubber , lasie Bough , get vp , Rise old huncks , rise drunken Beare , or I 'le goe in without thee .

Slug.

A Beare ? no . I 'me a worthier beast , by my hardly rising . I am like an Elephant .

Drud.

I wood thou hadst a Castle vpon thy backe , then I wood hang thee out for a signe , and it should bee call'd the drowsie Inne . Come away , your name it call'd ere this at the Session , and Praco woon't sauour you . You will be in , forty Markes in issues .

Slug.

My turne is alwayes last . Exeunt .

Actus quintus . Scena tertia . Thuriger . Scopas . Thur.

S●spbu . Scopas . Come away with the Cushions . Lay that Carpet smoother . When were these Cushions brusht . Sirra . ha ?

Scop.

I haue heard say , that too much brushing will we are them out .

Thur.

Thou Lozell . Hath Slugge infected you ? Why doe you giue such kinde entertainement to that cobwebbe ?

Scop.

It shall haue Tom Drums entertainement . A flap with a Foxe tayle .

Thur.

For the preparing this Iudgement seate . I pronounce iudgement of banishment against all presumptuous Cobwebbes . The Court will rise , and come vpon vs ere we are aware . Scopas goe see how forward they are , and bring away the Frankinsence .

Exit Scopas .
Actus quintus . Scena quarta . Ludio . Thuriger . Ludio .

WHere are they , that say that Ludio is the Canker of the schoole ? I haue pronounced a knocking Apology before Apollo and all his Court .

Thur.

What , nimble Ludio , is the Session so farre on ?

Ludio .

Vnto thee , O Thuriger , I am the Nuntio , to tell thee , that Apollo and his Actors are by this time come to Actus quintus , Scena quarta Praco told me they will all come downe hither to Act Scena ultima .

Thur.

I shall be ready for them . But I pr● , Ludio , how did Mistresse Gingle behaue her selfe ?

Ludio .

She neuer ceased crying out to Apollo , O the generous Captaine Complement ! O that he may bold ●is Tenement . Apollo himself was faine to command her silence .

Thr.

Did not Siren creepe into the soules of the auditory ?

Ludio .

My friend Siren slid on smoothly , like my feete vpon the ice . I thinke shee has vnbent Apollos bow . She will haue a good day of it , I hope . Yong Gingle in his triall stood much vpon his gentry , and carried himselfe like a fine dancing Courtier . When I heard Slugge call'd , I thought we should tarry long , and so away came peelegarlicke Ludio , to get him a roome before hand here .

Thur.

But thou tellest me nothing all this while of thy owne tryall . Were you not put to it shrewdly ?

Ludio

I trow I put Apollo and all his Muses to it . There can no sentence passe against me . My defence was so strong and vnanswerable .

Thur.

I am sorry that my office called mee away from hearing you , will you doe mee the honour to impart to me some of your discourse ?

Lud.

I haue it here ingrossed and recorded .

Thur.

I wonder how you could borrow so much time from play , as to compose so large a declaration ?

Ludio .

I haue a ●end in a corner , I teach him the knacks of gaining , how to cut a bum card , how to helpe a dye , and such like , and he in kinde requitall has drawne an Apology for me in forme of Law , according to the stile or Apollos Court .

Thur.

Could you before all them pronounce it lustily , as if it had bin your owne making ?

Ludio

I haue a certaine vertue called audacity . I hat did beare me our where my wit or memory failed .

Thur.

I ●ng to heare some of it . Can you say it ?

Ludio .

So , so : As we doe our lessons , with a casting a leere eye sometime vpon my paper .

Thur.

It is l●ge . I will no 〈◊〉 ●le thee to say it ouer . Onely reade I pray you some of the principall points .

Ludio .

I tell thee here be aboue a dozen of points . You shal haue a touch of the fore-point thus .

Thur.

I haue knowne the time when you haue had neither fore not ●d point , when you haue return'd from spurne point .

Ludio .

First , I look't grauely like Cato , and withall , cheerefully like Puerilis And then to show what confidence I had in my cause , I strok't vp my foretop with the combe of my finders thus . My sister had sprinckled it with rose water , and my lips too , to make my Rhetoricke the sweeter .

Thur.

No doubt rose water added a sweet sound to your words .

Ludio .

Then I made obeysance thrice , with a nimble low stoope which I learn't when we plaid at Ducke Fryer . Then I cried ●m , ●em to cleare my voice , and to prouoke the Auditory to answer mee with their gentle expectation .

Thur.

Here is a large Entry to a low house .

Ludio .

Then displaying my naked protesting hands , I said . O thou louely Lord of learning , beauteous , bounteous Apollo .

O thou euer mouing Phoebus , Whose golden lockes and siluer bow , Embellish heauen and earth below . O yee assistant sisters One , Attend this iust defence of mine .

What law , what iustice , what reason can pronounce a gainst Ludio the sentence of expulsion ? Is not Apollos Schoole stiled ladus literarius . Is it not Schola from {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} otium , remedy , play , relaxation ? What talke we of Apollos Court . The whole world is made free of Ludios Trade , and dances after his pipe .

What is our life but a game , wherein some winne , some lose , some idly looke on , some haue good fortune , and will not be known of their winnings , others haue bad lucke , and curse their starres and fates ; Some cheate and eke , and others are befooled ?

All Dame Natures lumpe is a true Ludio . If you banish Ludio , you must banish the heauens and elements .

Thur.

What ? is this brat become a Philosopher ?

Ludis .

The highest fixed starres , what doe they all the yeere but dance their measures , and keep there their stately distances , and , to shew their mirth and wantonnesse , they with their glaring eyes twinckle on their spectators . The Planets haue variety of dances , sometime graue Pauins , otherwhile amble Galliards .

Thur.

●e Sellingers round .

Ludio .

Now a pace forward , now retyring backward .

Thur.

Like a new Corranto .

Ludio .

What sayest thou Thuriger ? did not I play the Astronomer well ?

Thur.

Better then sixteene Almanacke-makers , with all their Sextile aspects , and fiery triplicities .

Ludio .

But now sir here was I put to my trumpes , when I came to bring in our Lord Phoebus himselfe for an example , in my owne defence , in his owne presence . Therefore I begun with crauing pardon . O Maiestique Lord of the day , Moderator of the yeere , Ring-leader of all the glittering lampes ; giue poore Ludio leaue to shew that in the worke of thy bright Regiment , thou canst not be without him . Dost thou not all the yeere long recreate thy selfe by taking the ayre about the hill of heauen in thy guilded Caroch , drawne with foure prancing horses ?

Thur.

Some mortals now adaies haue in their Coach more horses then Don ▪ Phoebus .

Ludio .

In this thy yeerly iourney thou art so frolicke euery spring , that thou giuest our mother earth a greene Downe .

Thur. That is ( our Virgins say ) A pretty kinde of play . Ludio .

And in thy iournall circle when thou comest and goest , euery day and night , mee thinkes thou playest at 〈◊〉 ▪ peepe , and Hide and seeke .

All night it our all hid . But in the day We seeke about . For what , say I , but play ? Thur.

O Impudency ! How durst thou base flea , skippe thus high into Apollos face . Didst thou not feare to be pierced through with the least dart of his beames ?

Ludio .

The truth is , one of Apollos learned Councell had like to pull'd me downe , when he told me that it was against law to produce the Iudge for a witnesse . Else I had gone on to alledge his playing at Quoits with Cyparissus .

Thur.

He would haue cond you small thanke for that . But , how did our Lord Apollo looke vpon you all this while ?

Ludio .

Me thought hee put his hand toward his quiuer , and withall , shaked his golden lockes . Then thought I , 't was time for me to glide downe lower , and talke of Lady Luna . Mistresse Moone ( quoth I ) what is her monethly taske , but to runne a gossipping throughout all the twelue signes in the high street of the Zodiacke ? .

Thur.

The signe of the Ram , the Bull : the Lion , and the rest , they are Tauernes set vp by Bacchus , for the gods to feast in . Are they not ? .

Ludio .

She knocks at euery doore , & tarryes two daies at the least in each of those houses . And as the Sunne courts her , shee makes curtsies in her round walke , sometimes bashfully putting on her Maske .

Thur.

That is in coniunction .

Ludio .

Otherwhile she shewes her halfe face very demurely .

Thur.

Halfe moone ; like my cheese .

Ludio .

And after that appeares her broad Owles face , to allure Endymion to be in loue with her .

Thur.

The Shepheard with the bush of thornes has preuented sleepy Endymion , and gotten vp thit● before him .

Ludio .

The waues in the sea , what doe they , but play at trusse and leapfrogge on one anothers backe ? The winds in the are performe one perpetuall exercise , and that is blow-point .

Thur.

Sometimes they blowest the points of steeples , and this is a very high point , worth consideration .

Ludio .

They play very merrily : and therefore wee often heare them ●g and whistle .

Thur.

Leaue of now your rehearsall Ludio . Why prated you of the starres and winde● ? What 's this to you , and to those creatures that haue bound themselues to the schoole trade ? Doe the Mules play ?

Ludio .

Yes vndoubtedly , the Nine Muses play at Nineholes : euery Muse hath her hole

Thur.

Yes , and euery Hate hath her Muse . But what then becomes of the ten h●e ?

Ludio .

That 's a great one for Apollo their Master and ours .

Praco .

Thinkst thou , that Apollo will bee mooued with these reasons , to let such a vermine harbour in the pigeon house of the Mr ?

Ludio .

Doe you thinke that I will sucke their egges ? Doe I looke like a su● 〈◊〉 ? I am sure the Auditory did entertaine thy speech with the signe of approbation ▪ hum , hum , hum .

Thur.

That was 〈◊〉 but the yonger sort , and those that stood at the lower end of the Session hall .

Ludio .

I am much 〈◊〉 taken if Apollo himselfe did not in the end hum and 〈◊〉 .

Thur.

I thinke rather Apollo frown'd on you .

Iud.

I thinke rather that Mercury frowned on me .

Thur.

Why Mercury ? he is not there .

Ludio .

I 'le tell thee , honest Thuriger , Whilst I was in the heare of my pleading , some Villaine , borne vnder the Planet Mercury , nims away my sachell that lay behinde me .

Thur.

What losse suffered you in that vessell ?

Ludio .

The Shipwracke of all my best houshold-stuffe , and tooles of my trade . What thinke you , Thuriger , does this forebode ill lucke to me ? .

Thur.

I thinke it had bin better lucke , if you had bin rob'd of those Commodities seuen yeeres agoe . But see yonder comes my Scopas .

Actus quintus . Scena quinta . Scopas . Turiger . Scopas .

THey are comming hard by . Here is the frankinsence . Put it in your selfe .

Thur.

This fire is almost out , stirre it vp .

Scopas .

Laurell wood doth soone spend .

Thur. Apollos iudgement seate Makes all things pure and neat . Apollos iudgment , &c.
Actus quintus . Scena sexta et vltima . Thuriger . Scopas . Drudo . Lauriger . Praco . Musaeus . Clio. Euterpe . Philoponus . Amphibius . Siren. Ludio . Implement . Slugge . Geron. Retro . N●ce . Lauriger .

COme along , come on in ranke .

Praco .

On afore , On afore ▪ Hold vp the booke . Giue roome , roome , more roome .

Drudo .

We must haue roome , more then the whole City of Rome .

〈◊〉 .

Clio , you must sit down , and you Euterpe . Musaeus craues your assistance .

Mus.

Praeco doe your office .

Praeco .

Silentium : et Tacete . Our Lord Apollo by his deputed Iudge , the venerable Musaeus , doth command silence , and chargeth all , whom it may concerne , to attend the Court , and heare the charge

Musaeus . Our great Apollos Pallace seemeth like A spacious gard'n set with choysest flowers , Wherein creepe vp by small vnleene degrees Vnusefull , hurtfull , and vnsauory weedes ; Which ouergrow and choake the better plants , And make the tender flowers to hang the head . Himselfe chiefe Gardner hath , from yonder top Of this our sacred hill , euen now oe'r-view'd All that his herbage , and with curious eye Discerned and designed by his doome , What must be cherisht , and what weeded out . Me , his vnworthy seruant , he appoints , As vnder-gardiner , with that wholesome hooke . To check , or nip , or toot vp what he dam'd . To me by oracle he did vnfold , What lot attends on euery name inrold . Praco , read the Record , and cite the names . Praeco .

Memorandum . On Apollos Shroueday , being the eight and twentieth of Aquarius , in the great hall of the westerne top of Parnassus . Our soueraigne Lord Apollo sitting in person vpon oyer and terminer , after full hearing of all parties , did then and there adiourne the Court , to be presently continued at the foote of the said h● , vnder the Lawrell , at the Temple gate , and to be there consummate by his reuerend Iudge Musaeus .

Nomina Reorum .

The names of the parties sentenced by Apollo .

Siren , the first is Siren . Appeare Siren Spinster .

Phil.

She spinnes nothing but spiders webbes , to catch flyes .

Laur.

Siren come out What doe you lurke ? Appeare in your likenesse , and heare your doome .

Praco .

Vous hauez Si● .

Siren.

I haue a great deale more to say for myselfe , and for my Lady Hedone . I hope , I shall be heard .

Laur.

You would faine be heard ; because you thinke your tongue inchants . There is no pleading now . Apollos doome is past .

Praeco .

You must heare the Iudge , or else bee prest to death presently .

Musaeus .

Siren , then thus for Siren .

Laur.

Record the sentence Praeco .

Praeco .

My penne is as nimble as your tongue .

Musaeus .

Siren must first be searcht .

So

Sacred dispencer of Apollos iustice , I hope you will not suffer a poore Nimph to be vsed so immodestly . If I must be ransackt , I pray you let it be done by a Iury of Muses . The three Graces , empanneld with them , will make vp the whole number of twelue good weomen , and true .

Clio If I be made fore-woman of your iury , You shall be doom'd by iustice , not by fury . Irpe. We Mus● enuy no man , Much lesse will wrong a woman . Musaeus .

Wee shall not need to trouble you noble Clio ▪ nor you sweet Euterpe . This search is onely of her vpper garment . Lauriger lift vp her vaile .

Laur.

Come , I must loue , and court thee now .

Drudo .

O vgly a filthy fishes taile .

Musaeus .

Pull off her head of yallow lockes .

Drudo .

O blacke bristles . O nasty Vermine !

Musaeus .

This seeming glosing Nimph is nothing else , but an vgly sea ▪ Monster . She is dam'd to returne to the sea , and there to be tossed , and doussed , together with Scylla , that monstrous shame of nature . But , before you kicke her out , let her take a message to carry to Dame Hedone , if ere they meete againe . That is , that Hedone shall euer vnseparably bee manacled to Lupe .

Phil.

O iust doome , that pleasure shall bee alwaies fetter'd to paine . Which also this false Siren prooues . ●irst , a face seeming faire to meet with : but if you further goe , turpem desinit in piscem mulus formosa superne .

Laur. Drudo . Praco . Philop Omnes .

Out with her .

Amp.

I will haue one kick more at her for inueigling me : Out Bitch . — Exit Siren .

Muscus .

On Praco . Who is next ?

Praco .

The next is Ludio . Appeare Ludio Gamester . Vous bauez Ludio .

Ludio .

Here appeares poore banckrout Ludio . I haue suffered losses by misfortune .

Phil.

What misfortune ? fire ? or theeues ?

Ludio .

I sir . Theeues , they haue rob'd mee of all my brasse coine , and vnbound paper bookes . I must set vp with a new stocke .

Phil.

The rogue meanes his cards and counters .

Muscus .

Thou bold else , that canst not at thy triall for get thy play . Apollo fits thee with a doome , that thou shalt play vncessantly .

Ludio

I 'me glad of that A perpetuall play-day .

Muscus .

And thou shalt ●ue fifty playfellowes .

Ludio .

So much good company does the better .

Muscus .

They are the fifty daughters of Danaus ; whose play is still to fetch and fetch water in a sieue . Thou must play still at dice .

Ludio .

At dice ? that 's well ▪ I le cheate all those fifty wenches .

Muscus .

But thus . Thy dice thou must put into a bottomlesse boxe . So , when thou throwest , they fall to the ground : and thou must take them vp : they fall againe , thou stoopest againe . This is the M●ll bothering , wherein thou must runne ●und eternally .

●il.

He that would finde Lu● , must seeke him at the signe of the Labour in va●e .

Ludio .

O would I had studied when I played ▪ rather then thus to play at lost labour eternally . Exit .

Praco .

Mistresse Indulgence 〈◊〉 .

Phil.

Blinde fortune hath quit her of that ; but shee is true to her name Indulgence .

Praeco .

Mistresse Indulgence Gingle . Spinster .

Drudo .

All the wooll and flaxe , that euer she spunne , I will eate and feare no choaking .

Musaeus .

Doth she not appeare ?

Drudo .

She scowred away in her Coach with her sonne , and said she would dwell no longer in Thessaly , if her sones best instructor be not suffered here . And as she fled , her Coach ouerturned .

Muscus .

Let her foure wheeles carry Apollos curse with her , that none of her kindred shall euer get aboue the petty forme of Apollos schoole . Passe of Praco .

Praco .

Iohn Gingle , Gentleman Woo'd-be .

Mus.

Apollo pronounceth that his lot must be , before he be forty yeeres old , to spend all his fiue Mannors vpon the fiue Sences : Except the Mansion house of Foolingham , which is intailed to the heires of his body woefully begotten .

Phil.

For my part I will not be of counsell to cut off the entaile .

Praco .

Complement , pretended Captaine , alias Captaine Comp. Fashionmonger .

Drudo .

He is fled , as I heare .

Laur.

Fled with a witnesse . For he flew like a bird vp in the aire .

Mus.

Then has he sau'd vs a labour . For Apollo had doom'd him to be blowne vp with Vulcans bellows into the middle Region of the ayre .

Laur.

The boyes in the outer-court of Apollos Pallace , when they perceiued by Mistresse Gingles discontent , that the Captaine was like to be banished , they preuented execution , by tying squibs to his skirts ; which being fired , this light ●usball mounted vp into the ay● as high as a larke .

Phil

One boy said , that this was the Captaines lofty capering tricke .

Drudo .

And whither did this whirle winde carry him ?

Laur.

Who knowes ? But most doe thinke to the Iland of Coxcombria , a place thicke impeopled with such rifferaffe .

Praco .

Iacke Implement , Page to the aforesaid Complement . Vous hauez Implement .

Imp.

Here sir , at hand . I pray you Master Musaeus be good to a poore Page . I had but a hard seruice vnder him My bed and board was scarce to the mountenance of a water-Spanniell . I would saine goe to schoole againe .

〈◊〉 .

How right this boy meetes with Apollos doome Thy lot is for the schoole againe : but there for one whole yeere thou must smooth out the dogs care● of all thy fellowes bookes ; And vow to ply thy booke as nimbly as euer thou didst thy Master Apery , or the hauty vaulting horse .

Imp.

I vow , and will . Else let mee ●ide our blinde horse that kickes vs on the backe .

Enter Slugge ▪ Drud.

What Slugge , could you not come along with vs ? You must be lagge . An houre will scarce serue you , though your iourney be short , and downe the hill .

Slug.

Soft fire , sweet mault

Musaeus

The next name Praco .

Praco .

Slim Slugge .

Drud.

Answer to your name .

Slug.

Hum . ha ▪

Phil.

He will not answer , vnlesse you giue him all his titles . Sluggus Sluggorum . Sl●e of Slugge-hall .

Praco .

Why then Slim Slugge , Sluggum Sluggorum , Slugg of Slugge-hall , Sleeper .

Slug.

Here sir .

Praco .

Vous hauez Slugge . Stand forth and attend the sentence .

Muscus .

Thou night-bird , in whose nasty nest all Bookes and Inkehornes , and all things else are mouldy , but thy bed . Yet there dost thou pigge in , and pigge out , without molesting the feathers by concussion .

Phil.

Stand vpright , and leaue thy yawning .

Mus.

Thou that neuer mayest infect the Muses habitation , Apollo doth banish thee into Lubberland .

Slug.

Lubberland ? I 'me glad of that . I shall earne my fourteene pence a day there by snorting . But who shall carry me thither ?

Phil.

Nay , you must foot it thither , there lyes the marrow of your punishment .

Slug.

O that I had Tom Cortats euerlasting shooes ! But ho which is the way to Lubberland ? Has none of you bin there Will you goe with mee ? will you in the frize coate ? It is a fine Country . There are riuers of Muskadine , and bridges of Brawne , parkes of Ven● ▪ son Pasties , paled about with puddings and sausages . Hay for our towne , hey for Lubberland .

Mus.

Praco , I thinke thou dreamest of Lubberland . Why do not you passe on ?

〈◊〉

Yong Nouice , Apprentice .

Nouice .

Here . I pray sir , saue me : I 'le get my Mother to end ye . 〈◊〉 up a couple of Capons .

Mus.

Because thou art a free man , and thy follies come of simple 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 , and are not deepely rooted in thee , there is hope of thy recouery . for three yeeres thou shalt pay but an houre in the weeke , and all thy schoole time 〈◊〉 depart from the presence and guidance of Philoponus . Obserue and imitate his painfull diligence : so shalt thou get the Muses loue , and Lord Apollo fauour .

Nou.

Thankes , many ▪ thankes to him , and thee for this your clemency .

Geron .

Good your Worship , be good to my sonne , his Mother will runne madde for gri● .

Mas

Thy sonne ▪ Come hither Retro .

Retro .

Ferem doo●is .

Geron.

Mercy sir , mercy .

Mus.

Apollo has accepted thy submission , and cu● of the third yeere of thy punishment . Arise , and shew thy face , Thy tongue may now runne right , & speake as others doe . You may be a forward childe .

Retro .

Thankes , O most forward thankes , for the restoring of my distorted limbes and tongue .

Retiring Crabbe farewell . Welcome humane pace .

Mus.

But see thou holdst the schollars euen path , nor striding fast , nor wandring from the way .

Geron.

Thankes sacred Priest I shall bring my wife ioyfull newes .

Mus. Now is Apollos garden weeded quite , Compos'd in order , swept , and cleanly dight . Now may each tender plant , and goodly flowre Grow vp , and th●e , by heauens assisting power . Praco , dissolue the Session . Praco .

Oyez , Our soueraigne Lord Apollo , hauing held and finished his Visitation , dischargeth all suiters , parties , and homagers from their attendance in this place ; and licenseth all his subiects and seruants , to depart to their seuer all habitations .

Mus.

Uincat Apollo . Regnet Apollo .

Clio. It ioyes my heart , that we poore Muses , Now haue redresse of our abuses . Vincat Apollo . Euterpe . Before alas I mournd and wept : But now I ioy : our schoole is swept . , Regnet Apollo . Omnes .

Vincat Apollo , Regnet Apollo .

Epilogue . RIght Worthy Burgomasters , gentle Dames , Accept ( we pray ) our hasty huddled games ; Who thus imploy our parts , our paines most gladly , In hope to please our Mother Towne of Haly . And thus with this our homely shrouing dish , A merry Shrouetide to you all we wish . T●s late ▪ Me thinkes I spye some drowsie head , Whose yawning , nodding toles a peale to bed ▪ If any such be here , wee 'le take them napping , And all to boxe their eares with loud hand-clapping . Plaudite .
FINIS .
Machine-generated castlist A02827-complement 103 A02827-implement 98 A02827-philoponus 76 A02827-ludio 75 A02827-lauriger 60 A02827-gingle 58 A02827-amphibius 52 A02827-drudo 44 A02827-thuriger 36 A02827-praeco 35 A02827-lala 33 A02827-musaeus 29 A02827-indulgence 27 A02827-prologue 25 A02827-slugge 23 A02827-novice 22 A02827-geron 19 A02827-retro 14 A02827-unassigned 13 A02827-siren 13 A02827-jug 10 A02827-scopas 4 A02827-juge 2 A02827-multiple 1 A02827-omnes 1 A02827-clio 1 A02827-euterpe 1
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●ue Booke-seller , you must approue your selfe a true Booke-restorer : and therfore by booke or o● ●ue Booke-restorer : and therfore by booke or by crooke , see that you send backe my Book ●hat and therfore by booke or by crooke , see that you send backe my Book . And yet not my ●end therfore by booke or by crooke , see that you send backe my Book . And yet not my Booke . For 〈◊〉 which my promise and credit lye in mortgage to the Author , the Schoolemaster of Ha●y , School●master credit lye in mortgage to the Author , the Schoolemaster of Ha●y , who with some difficulty lent Ha●y mortgage to the Author , the Schoolemaster of Hadley , who with some difficulty lent it me , len● Schoolemaster of Ha●y , who with some difficulty lent it me , hauing no other coppy of this English ha●ng Ha●y , who with some difficulty lent it me , hauing no other coppy of this English Lesson w● w● hauing no other coppy of this English Lesson which . he prepared for ●a By-exercise for his ●a this English Lesson w● . he prepared for a By-exercise for his schollars at the last tende●lings owne faculty , and of the actiuity of his tenderlings , he was loath it should come vnder any retu●ne of me . So , expecting without delay , the returne of this bird into the cage , I end with de●per backe side of my booke . Whereto I adde yet a deeper curse , that next time you meet with good endor●ement Yours as you shall deserue the endorsement of this my letter . E. W. 16● From Hadley aforesaid March 21. 1626 . reputaiion against me or you at the barre of iustice or reputation . Accordingly he incouraged me ( if Master school● if Master Schoolemaster of Hadley should schoole you for promise-breach ) to stop his mouth chi●ken promise-breach ) to stop his mouth with a dozen of chicken hatcht vnder his owne henne . ●tcht to stop his mouth with a dozen of chicken hatcht vnder his owne henne . 〈◊〉 I pray you therefore in stead of his owne single written ●refore I pray you therefore in stead of his owne single written Co● Co● therefore in stead of his owne single written Coppy , coppy him with this packet of his owne 〈◊〉 in stead of his owne single written Co● , coppy him with this packet of his owne mettall ●ith of his owne single written Co● , coppy him with this packet of his owne mettall stamped st●mped him with this packet of his owne mettall stamped and multiplied by the Printers Alchimy . w●st The worst I heare , is , that hee will complaine to ●eare The w●st I heare , is , that hee will complaine to Apollo 〈◊〉 The w●st I heare , is , that hee will complaine to Apollo of me Apoll● I heare , is , that hee will complaine to Apollo of me that I haue proclaimed abroad his o● , is , that hee will complaine to Apollo of me that I haue proclaimed abroad his priuate 〈◊〉 , that hee will complaine to Apollo of me that I haue proclaimed abroad his priuate Shrouing v●tion Authors owne penne , that Apollos solemne visitation begins with Proclamation . Act. 1. S●n S●n visitation begins with Proclamation . Act. 1. Scen. . 〈◊〉 And , I trow Proclamations are intended 〈◊〉 begins with Proclamation . Act. 1. S●n . ultima And , I trow Proclamations are intended fi● And , I trow Proclamations are intended to flye abroad in print . So in hope that I shall th●nks So in hope that I shall receiue , if not thanks , yet pardon from him . I rather take , ●rather receiue , if not thanks , yet pardon from him . I rather take , then begge , leaue to remaine ●ndon London , Aprill , 25. 1627. From the smell volume Apr●l London , Aprill , 25. 1627. From the smell volume of my F●om London , Aprill , 25. 1627. From the smell volume of my shop , where the sm●ll London , Aprill , 25. 1627. From the smell volume of my shop , where the south wi● 〈◊〉 London , Aprill , 25. 1627. From the smell volume of my shop , where the south wi● blowes ●f Aprill , 25. 1627. From the smell volume of my shop , where the south wi● blowes into ●y Aprill , 25. 1627. From the smell volume of my shop , where the south wi● blowes into Pa●ls whe●e 1627. From the smell volume of my shop , where the south wi● blowes into Pa●ls . ●uth From the smell volume of my shop , where the south wi● blowes into Pa●ls . wi● smell volume of my shop , where the south winde blowes into Pa●ls . Sch●llar PRologus a yong Schollar La● Lala a woman spectator . Apoll●s Musaeus , Apollos Priest & Iudge . ●io Clio a Muse , his assistant . Stru●t Denner Strutt . ●uterpe Euterpe a Muse , another assistant . L●iger Lawriger his Verger . Ve●ger Lawriger his Verger . Cric●e Samuel Cricke . Stutfi●ld Iames Stutfield . 〈◊〉 Philoponus a diligent student . ●iligent Philoponus a diligent student . scholl●r Amphibius a perplexed scholler . No●ice Nouice a young fresh schollar . Ger● Geron an old man , his mournful father . mou●nfull Ger● an old man , his mournful father . a●r Ludio a truantly schooleboy . ●antly Ludio a truantly schooleboy . ●mph Siren a sea nimph , messenger from Queene Hedone . M●sse Misse Indulgence Gingle , a coc●●g Mother . coc●●g Misse Indulgence Gingle , a cockering Mother . I●hn Iohn Gingler sonne a disciple of Captain : Complements I●gge Iugge Rubbish maid-seruant to Mistrisse Gingle Rubb●sh Iugge Rubbish maid-seruant to Mistrisse Gingle . Mist●isse Iugge Rubbish maid-seruant to Mistrisse Gingle . stu●at _SI quisquam est , qui placere se studeat bonis Quam plurimis , et mini●e multos laedere plurim●s quisquam est , qui placere se stu●at bonis Quam plurimis , et mini●e multos laedere , In his pocta 〈◊〉 qui placere se stu●at bonis Quam plurimis , et mini●e multos laedere , In his pocta hic mini●e placere se stu●at bonis Quam plurimis , et minime multos laedere , In his pocta hic nomen 〈◊〉 plurimis , et mini●e multos laedere , In his pocta hic nomen profitetur suum . profite●ur mini●e multos laedere , In his pocta hic nomen profitetur suum . 〈◊〉 What ? shall wee haue Latine againe ? Master Prologue yongster . I pRay you goe to the Vniuersity Mist●esse What , Mistresse Lala Spinster ? content yourselfe , I now neig●bours , Whom here you see : And for our honest neighbours , many a good man that neuer Was infected latin● that neuer Was infected with this rauing latine euer . party-col●ured Keepe silence , thou party-coloured chattering Mappy . ●en Then speake sence , thou iabbering al ▪ blacke iabbe●ing ●en speake sence , thou iabbering al ▪ blacke Iackdaw , with a greene coxcombe ▪ ●en speake sence , thou iabbering al al-blacke blacke Iackdaw , with a greene coxcombe coxcom●e iabbering al ▪ blacke Iackdaw , with a greene coxcombe . ●nds Good men , good wiues , good friends , good maids , good boyes . 〈◊〉 Good men , good wiues , good ●nds , good maids , good boyes . ●ds Good men , good wiues , good ●nds , good maids , good boyes . many I marry , this 〈◊〉 for my stomacke , ●me in the 〈◊〉 I many , this tasts for my stomacke , ●me in the number of the ●me I many , this 〈◊〉 for my stomacke , I'me in the number of the fourth ranke . ●ber many , this 〈◊〉 for my stomacke , ●me in the number of the fourth ranke . t●yes Who meete , to see , and heare our childish toyes . br●ines said , such easie drops sinke well into our braines . ●istake I doe not mistake you now , you take vs very well with your pl●ne you now , you take vs very well with your plaine dealing English Poetry . Eunuebus Wee acted Comicke Terence his Eunuchus . w●men The very scorne and hate of women . 〈◊〉 I'le be sure , Ile hang , draw and quarter him ; and for my 〈◊〉 I'le be sure , Ile hang , draw and quarter him ; and for my part d●aw I'le be sure , Ile hang , draw and quarter him ; and for my part , sir si● draw and quarter him ; and for my part , sir Prologue , ●ad I had rather ye should ●at vs , ●at I had rather ye should beat vs , 〈◊〉 Then thus defeat vs , 〈◊〉 Rebuke vs , 〈◊〉 Then Eunuch v● v● Then Eunuch vs. ●rol. Prol. 〈◊〉 For my part dame Lall , I doe but act my part , you 〈◊〉 Lall , I doe but act my part , you must not interrupt me . 〈◊〉 but act my part , you must not interrupt me . 〈◊〉 Lala . n●t I will not corrupt 〈◊〉 you , vnlesse you name that 〈◊〉 I will n●t corrupt 〈◊〉 you , vnlesse you name that hatefull h●tefull n●t corrupt 〈◊〉 you , vnlesse you name that hatefull bilding Iade . O what a queame he hath cast 〈◊〉 , vnlesse you name that hatefull bilding Iade . O what a queame he hath cast ouer my stomacke Pr●. Prol. w● But now we condescend with milde audacity , In vulgar 〈◊〉 But now w● condescend with milde audacity , In vulgar language vul●ar now w● condescend with milde audacity , In vulgar language vnto low capacity . ●old See you hold on your vulgar tongue , and bring not hither ●y We come not with old worne common Thais , by trade the sister of Corinthian Lais . ●rade come not with old worne common Thais , by trade the sister of Corinthian Lais . 〈◊〉 Prol . L●is Lais ? Thais ? Walke where your way is , And W●lke Lais ? Thais ? Walke where your way is , And tell vs what this t●ll Lais ? Thais ? Walke where your way is , And tell vs what this Play is . Parmen● Nor Parmeno , nor scolding Pythias . 〈◊〉 This waspe had almost put me out . Out with her . But in a nearer circle now we walke he● This waspe had almost put me out . Out with her . But in a nearer circle now we walke , d●y built and dight , This Scene our formes , our day this candle light . anow I auow to thee , iealous Lala , that this same ou● We are not now at our taske , but wee haue leaue to play , and Rowl● He displayes the Rowle vpon his staffe . fe●ue Take out thy fescue , and spell here , in this oneleau'd booke sample● oneleau'd booke . Tell the stitches in this samples of blacke and white . L●la Lala . followos Nay , reade on what followes . a●t Thou art not worthy to goe a shrouing , that canst gl●d V I. N. G. ving , shrouing I'me glad of that . Now I like this Apollo well : 〈◊〉 we on this Stage shall act or say , Doth solemnize Apollos shrouing day . Whilest thus we greete Apollas on this Stage shall act or say , Doth 〈◊〉 Apollos shrouing day . Whilest thus we greete you bens , Our sorouing bodeth death to none , but hens . ●enne true housewife , I wondred what made our henne roost so empty , and see the schollars haue gouen roost so empty , and see the schollars haue gotten them . 〈◊〉 Ecce vigil nitido patefeci ab ortu Purpureas aurora fores , et plena Luciser Dissugiunt stellae , quarum agmina cogit Lucifer , & coeli statione nouissimus exit . Iungere 〈◊〉 nouissimus exit . Iungere equos Titan velocibus imperat beris . 〈◊〉 exit . Iungere equos Titan velocibus imperat beris . ●ac'd degrees the new borne light . The stars haue trac'd their dance , and vnto night Now bid good ●id haue trac'd their dance , and vnto night Now bid good night . The young daies Centinell the slocke Now driues before him all his glittering flocke , And bids them rest within the ●old vnseene ●old glittering flocke , And bids them rest within the fold vnseene Till with his whistle Hesper call 〈◊〉 slocke , And bids them rest within the ●old vnseene Till with his whistle Hesper call them forth bosti●e cals aloud , And bids the rowling houres bestirre them quicke And harnesse vp his prauncing p●auncing bestirre them quicke And harnesse vp his prauncing foaming steeds To hurry out the sunnes bright ●insey-woolsey Did not you promise to interprate ? Heer's linsey-woolsey ●ian , where euery English thread is ouer-cast ●ian promise to interprate ? Heer's linsey-woolsey fustian , where euery English thread is ouer-cast 〈◊〉 len English thread is ouer-cast with a thicke woolen woofe of strange words , which haue so deepe woole thread is ouer-cast with a thicke woolen woofe of strange words , which haue so deepe a Lu●cit I haue said but one word , Lucescit , ●t is morning . ●t I haue said but one word , Lucefeit , It is morning . min●g as good part it h day light , as the best mincing Muse o' them all . hee● Now I vnderstand you better . I hope hee'le mend . ●mend Now I vnderstand you better . I hope hee mend . ▪ Crop the first fruits of Virgins ? I'le take heed of him . I'l● Crop the first fruits of Virgins ▪ I'le take heed of him . ▪ this schollar loues to come first to schoole . man● tyreing house , and scamble and rangle for a mans part . Why should not women act men , as ●ake digge their mothers bowels out , And thence take gold ( the earths worst excrement ) Let ●oard earths worst excrement ) Let muddy mindes board vp , and hugge , and hide , And sit vpon ●de Let muddy mindes board vp , and hugge , and hide , And sit vpon the egges of auarice : Thence au●rice hugge , and hide , And sit vpon the egges of auarice : Thence hatching vipers of their stinging care● Thence hatching vipers of their stinging cares . Let others sell their liues away in sport s●ort , burst with pride . And others luske and snort in lazy sleepe , Or drench and soake themselues d●ench others luske and snort in lazy sleepe , Or drench and soake themselues in Bacchus sudds , sc●uiters now Musaeus his obseruant Priest With other seruiters bestirre them quicke To feed that neuer-ceasing fe●d With other seruiters bestirre them quicke To feed that neuer-ceasing sacred fire . My part s●re foundation of his studious diligence . There sore he misses me , and sayes vnto himselfe . che●ke setled countenance and graue gesture giue a cheeke vnto my leuity . His very silence reades ●ecture leuity . His very silence reades vnto mee a lecture of reprehension . My passions so deepe inthrald g●oues society , and hide my selfe in shades and groues , and solitude ▪ ▪ my selfe in shades and groues , and solitude . ●ide Alas Amphibius , though hauing tide himselfe to the mast of safety by the bonds bo●ds tide himselfe to the mast of safety by the bonds of temperance , yet breaketh loose , and Apol●os am bound apprentise ? My name is inrold in Apollos register , and shall I rase it out , and recko●ed register , and shall I rase it out , and be reckoned among the fugitiues and renegados ? Not v●y And yet and yet it will be so . O how my very booke seemes now a burthen vnto me , and ca●e What darke some caue will giue me shelter , and hide me from all-vu●ewing and of the immortall eye of this world the all-vuiewing Phoebus . Phoe●us immortall eye of this world the all-vuiewing Phoebus . Mulaeus more actiue far Since I receiu'd from graue Musaeus hand Apollos benediction for this day . swist not , I did protract till Phoebus ( whose swift Chariot no hand can stay ) by his visible astoo●ds of my happinesse . This education which he affoords me , I take for a more goodly and durable wi● Come wise Philosophers , come soule-plying Orators Sentta Quintillian . Sententious Isocrates . Vertuous Seneca Plentifull Plutarch . Profound Aristotle L●wriger Lawriger , Drudo , Praeco . awar are we fresher then in May , Come , come away , our worke is play . yee●ely Apollos yeerely visitation You know begins with Proclamation I hat's No body ? That's none of our fault . All may come if they d●ops sure you would be licking vp the Castalian drops that fall from the Muses tankard , and that wi●h fortune , then to be a pretty water Poet with a high forehead like I . T. that acts the bi●h fortune , then to be a pretty water Poet with a high forehead like I . T. that acts the swanne o● I . T. that acts the swanne by the bankes of Thames in England . I curs'd my selfe happily luite of Parnassus ‑ there to doe their homage suite and seruice ‑ and to giue account to our ●nd of their time ‑ in their seuerall trades ‑ and mysteries ‑ of the Muses ‑ also there and Iauriger lauriger thinke you that any of those , whom Praeco ●nner some paper Tenement belonging to Apollos Manner . And thereupon may craue admittance to admitionce to Apollos ●nner . And thereupon may craue admittance to it Others vpon their experience may informe Po● adorn the light head of euery ballad belching Poet . Or what delapidations haue in processe firely These and all other informations shall be surely heard . We know that is our Lord Apollos Mus●us Now returne wee vp the Mount , and acquaint Musaeus what we haue done . ges●iculations debonaire deportments , Chiefe Iustice of gesticulations . ●ian Conges , Compactor of Cringes , Fea● Framer of fustian phrases . ●mpet to him from the King of Calecut , a golden trumpet sounded them in the Persian language . p●one hit vpon them in the originall . Varletto , polmone , manigoldo . ●n apprehension of the base vulgar . Giue vs them in translation . Accompli●r Indoctrinate of yong Nobility . Accomplisher of Kings Courts , chiefe engineer of cap 〈◊〉 engineer of cap and knee . clock-keeper of nodde and 〈◊〉 , and finally , ingrosser of all 〈◊〉 engineer of cap and knee . clock-keeper of 〈◊〉 and 〈◊〉 , and finally , ingrosser of all saylable 〈◊〉 of cap and knee . clock-keeper of 〈◊〉 and shrugge , and finally , ingrosser of all saylable somewl at It is well , somewhat toward the superlatiue of my worth and profession wo●h well , somewhat toward the superlatiue of my worth and profession But Imp . I like not that pro●ssion somewhat toward the superlatiue of my worth and profession But Imp . I like not that word finally . ●ame not thou , nor the loud long tongue blabbe fame , can giue the inuentary of my perfections o● Terra incognita of the vertues and indowments of mighty Captaine Complement ? cou●se eloquence . I see now that Tully and Ouid are but course w●e . w●e see now that Tully and Ouid are but cou●se ware . Marchp●e but browne bread , if hee be laid neere our Marchpane . ●agge and in stead of the aforesaid , adde to the fagge end of my Catalogue , that endlesse chaine Gramatians Catalogue , that endlesse chaine which the vulgar Grammarians call et caetera . e● endlesse chaine which the vulgar Gramatians call et caetera . c●ra chaine which the vulgar Gramatians call et caetera . M●ster Indeed Master I haue heard you say , that you would haue ●e your title like the great Westerne Monarches title , with a long taile behinde it . ●orme as I haue learn'd when I was in the second forme . You know I gaue you ▪ ▪ in the second forme . You know I gaue you . ●ke you giue me ? Nothing but a dozen of rotten silke points . You must tagge them better ere ●ntleman Sir , this yong gentleman presents you with a Peacocke . It ha● a ha● gentleman presents you with a Peacocke . It ha's a tayle ▪ he ha● a small request to your ▪ presents you with a Peacocke . It ha● a tayle . he ha● a small request to your worship . ha● you with a Peacocke . It ha● a tayle ▪ he has a small request to your worship . Nobiliy What Nobility ? What atchieuements imbolden him to ob● ob● Nobility ? What atchieuements imbolden him to obtrude vpon vs with such a request ? An houre in s●me present of a gold chaine , or diamond ring , or some such trifle . tri●e gold chaine , or diamond ring , or some such trifle . Wo●'s Woe's me ! Alas . I haue no hope now , I thinke 〈◊〉 to my old trade againe , & repeate In noua sert animus , and Tityre tu patulae . O sweet pa●lae repeate In noua sert animus , and Tityre tu patulae . O sweet Imp . be my faithfull ●mplement ●aithfull and Tityre tu patulae . O sweet Imp . be my faithfull ●mplement to your Master . I'le doe any ●mplement tu patulae . O sweet Imp . be my faithfull Implement to your Master . I'le doe any thing for ailuer you steale mee your fathers dagger with the siluer hast ? soirit for thee of this Iudge . Relent heroicke spirit , relent . For my sake entertaine Master broo● I swel with the stuffings of the Grammar brood . Mo ther begge hard , but I'le get a crowne of my Mother , and twelue pence for thee honest I● Implement I● Mother , and twelue pence for thee honest Iacke Implement . facult take any , but that I will not imbase my faculty ? . Prentiles not thinke it such a reputation to be your Prentises . mo●e Truely the more cost , the more worship . A wise saying . Write you that s●inking would scorne our ware , and say it were like stinking fish it hend of a market . fedfat our schoole . I warrant you sir , hee'le be fed fat for a whole yeere , with two or three ●g three of the easiest plaine trickes , of circling the hat ▪ or the gambrell ●th hammes , the ▪ the easiest plaine trickes , of ●g the hat , or the gambrell ●th hammes , the man i'th ●th trickes , of ●g the hat ▪ or the gambrell i'th hammes , the man i'th toe , and the gridiron ma● the hat ▪ or the gambrell ●th hammes , the man i'th toe , and the gridiron i'th forehead an● gambrell ●th hammes , the man i'th toe , and the gridiron i'th forehead . Hee'le bee gudiron gambrell ●th hammes , the man i'th toe , and the gridiron i'th forehead . Hee'le bee pleased with ●e come to higher points of the Retort , the Rebuffe , the Catastrophe , the Antistropho . Catastiophe higher points of the Retort , the ●e , the Catastrophe , the Antistropho . Antis●ropho the Retort , the ●e , the Catastrophe , the Antistropho . C●p. Comp. ●ome him in our petty forme , but that I doubt some exceptions will be taken at the confluence excep●ns in our petty forme , but that I doubt some exceptions will be taken at the confluence of so many ou● confluence of so many of that tribe , to our part . Master Philoponus a sowre stoicall sloicalll , to our part . Master Philoponus a sowre stoicall schollar , told me to my teeth , that Apollo s●one may entertaine him as well as another . One stone more will not make the boate sinke . sac●e One kernell more put in the sacke M●s Will not breake the Mrs backe . 〈◊〉 Will not breake the Mrs backe . o● Good sir consider of me . Though I be not borne to so much land Ging●e I be not borne to so much land as master Gingle my forme-fellow , yet I shall learne by b● Gingle my forme-fellow , yet I shall learne by trickes as well as he . There is Mumble Tri●ram trickes as well as he . There is Mumble and Tristram , Trump , and Iobbart , and nimble Nichol ●atchell Nichol . I see not , but I may leaue the satchell as well as they , and turne fine gentleman ●ofited Indeed they haue profited very well with vs . For they haue torne i●me bookes to light tobacco pipes , and they can infume , & effame , and resume with gentle postures pos● i●me , & effame , and resume with gentle postures Maister Nimble can at one time , and wah M●ister effame , and resume with gentle postures Maister Nimble can at one time , and wah one hand 〈◊〉 Maister Nimble can at one time , and wah one hand put his off hat with his right hand in due p●●his Nimble can at one time , and wah one hand put off his hat with his right hand in due circumference suming brandish a battoon in's left hand , and sucke a fuming tobacco pipe in's mouth without any hand keep● Mus●us sets vp inquisition , and ●at Apollo keeps Court to day . My sweet Siren sent me word indi●ed that I know not how many of vs should be indited for incroaching vpon Apollos liberties . Apollo● vs should be indited for incroaching vpon Apollos liberties . ●aith Faith his mother will stroake hard for it . Shee m●ther Faith his mother will stroake hard for it . Shee is a gentlewoman ●ardell and ruffled bootes , then in a gowne with a fardell of bookes . ouetioyed I am ouerioyed , ouerioyed . packes●affe Ouerioyed ? What a plaine packestaffe phrase is that ? you must sublimate your left your ioy in triumph thus . Hold me downe lest I hit my head against a cloud . brane I hit my head against a cloud . O what a braue world is this , all made of oatmeale : I'me oa●meale what a braue world is this , all made of oatmeale : I'me now in the way of preferment and Court . sh●p entrance . I'me all now for Maskes , Reuels , Courtship . Poore Apollo farewell . Ex●nt Exeunt . rrmaine elements . Glorious Apollo I faine would still remaine chine . And yet . And yet sweet Hedone , Hedo●e still remaine chine . And yet . And yet sweet Hedone , I cannot diuorce my selfe from thee . a●t Is this he ? Is this my Amphibius ? Where art thou ? Who art thou ? Looke vp and shew ●om brow . I Hope no distast estrangeth thee from thy Philoponus . What haue we here : The ●ow These groues , these bankes , and shades , O how oft haue they bin companions and witnesses ri●ht Our fates ? Speake right , and say , our faults . They ouer-rule mask● then to colour our follies , wee put on the maske of tragique exclamation vpon our starres o● colour our follies , wee put on the maske of tragique exclamation vpon our starres , ●iletto Recipe a Biletto or taylors bodkin ; make but one oylet hole ●aylors Recipe a Biletto or taylors bodkin ; make but one oylet hole vnder the T●obatum bee transported into the Elisian fields . Probatum est . mon●ers Not I , but — you fate mongers teach you this . But in earnest I aduise sit O Sir , doe you thinke Medea a fit patterne for you ? Haue you no better a Escuch●on worthy to march vnder the Muses banner , whose Escucheon is Vertue Argent , crowned Or. And the two sorth When this all-conquering Queene , sends forth her mandates , alas vertue melts into an inuentus your selfe , and make them returne a Non est iuuentus : lar●e content . Queene Hedone her selfe wrote this large mellifluous letter to me , poore me . I negected generous sweet gratiousnesse ) to this meane neglected Amphibius , shee ( that high and mighty Si●en , but by her worthy maide of honour Dame Siren , whole voice with one warble can thaw the p●ay I pray you read . Else you robbe me of my defence El●e I pray you read . Else you robbe me of my defence , and your selfe vertue● Accomplisher of vertues — chu●shly infinite summes of most currant delights , ouer churlishly neglected by him . wooc she writes to me . I think the Muses will wooe me for copies of this letter , they will soppery O forgery O foppery ! neue● Why ? Am I not in the indorcement ? I neuer heard of any other Amphibius . I will be i● nature is wrought vpon . This inscription is none of Queene Hedones hand . Seest thou Perh●ps Perhaps indorcements and names of note , are written o● tell thee a short tale . Thou hast heard of Burching-lane in London . ca●ed comming thither , is hailed into a shop , and cared with a suite which though too wide , too fo● long or short , hee's perswaded 'twas made for him and none else , he payes , and goes s●inkes he payes , and goes , and after findes it shrinkes . ●nd voluptatis . These shee sends abroad by the end of her Broaker Siren : Who , loaden with lo●den abroad by the end of her Broaker Siren : Who , loaden with these blanke letters , rambles vp & ●eene indorcement , and makes the receiuer beleeue that Queene Hedone her selfe doth wooe him . Against I● cut out and sow'd and lac'd for Amphibius . If shee meete with me , verily I shall haue ●m I am of the same mould with thee . But I bethinke ●ould I am of the same mould with thee . But I bethinke my self , Why Sapph● . That this Hedone , better then Lesbian Sappho , might pretend to be the tenth Muse . assem●ly not now to Apollos Court at this solemne assembly , to lay in her claime for it ? l●y Apollos Court at this solemne assembly , to lay in her claime for it ? f●rie the fortunate Ilands in the Atlantique sea farre oft from Thessaly . And besides all this draste Such draffe of si●ens by thy feast . slout What stout reasons ? What authorities ? Scneca say you to Tully , Plutarch , Aristotle , Seneca , Socrates , Horace , &c. impenctrable I am sure these affoord impenetrable armor against the assaults of Hedone . And a●mor I am sure these affoord impenetrable armor against the assaults of Hedone . And now ●ssaults these affoord impenetrable armor against the assaults of Hedone . And now are they brought on No● 〈◊〉 Tully saith , Dandu● aliquid atat● . Non s●mper ●ncat ratio , &c. s●mper Tully saith , Dandu● aliquid atat● . Non semper ●ncat ratio , &c. lau●ell examine these particulars . Come lets to the laurell Groue . There will we gage to the bottome Scen● Actus secundus . Scena quarta . br●ne must study next my heart . That troubles my braine too much . Another tels me 'tis good to e●te braine too much . Another tels me 'tis good to eate bread and butter next my heart . That sumes tru●h sumes into my head too much . And to say the truth , my stomack is not yet vp . For I'me but ●ood O for some Companions . O for some good play fellowes ! Gingle hee's growne so proud Gingl● Companions . O for some good play fellowes ! Gingle hee's growne so proud , he tells mee hee's boune'd now . And Slug I could not get him vp . I bounc'd with my bag of counters against his doore inquity dominions . And therfore he charged vs that this inquiry should be more strickt then heretofore . Catte●pillers you now . There is one of the wormes and catterpillers of our haruest . inchan●ing saw her before . By her fawning gesture and inchanting wand , shee's that famous infamous Siren t●ske that follow Your mighty god Apollo . Apollos taske torments your braines , Abates your spirits vain●s braines , Abates your spirits , dries your vaines . Vaine is your labour little profit , No frolick● thy head with roses now , Now whil'st thy frolicke youth giues leasure To bath thy selfe in ●or . An empty sounding painted drumme , fit for children to heare and follow with their hi● Rubbish , what , Iugge Rubbish . Come and bring his girdle . g●dle what , Iugge Rubbish . Come and bring his girdle . M●ses Childe , when thou speakest , mee thinkes the Muses , if there were nine times nine of them slowne thou art in a better trade . We are higher flowne now . 〈◊〉 I tell thee 〈◊〉 . I am duloros● , I am fumbled and fuddled sud●led thee 〈◊〉 . I am duloros● , I am fumbled and fuddled , and stu● with two hornes , griefe & anger horne● am fumbled and fuddled , and stu● with two hornes , griefe & anger . p●y ( Well you may , you pay deare for it . ) I hope Sir you are not ●lteth thunderbolt of my indignation , where it bolteth forth — fo●th thunderbolt of my indignation , where it bolteth forth — Bestunds Bestuds the tallest oakes : it strikes not at such ange● learne this of me , no feare , but anger , makes men of valour tremble . For anger wherstone men of valour tremble . For anger is the whetstone of fortitude , as sometime said Sir Harry coniut'd that spright . Your angry spirit will not be coniur'd downe , without blood shed . ( The reason Orgoli● Didst thou marke euen now when Sir Orgolio came to me , desirous to be intoll'd my p●sser NO . No , Imp . The swaine accepted my proffer . Was I so kinde and generous to inuite inu●te proffer . Was I so kinde and generous to inuite him , and he be so vnkinde as to come ? Count●y Indeed that's plaine Country fashion , vnfit for vs . fo● So you had need , ( for we haue no Co●ke to doe it . My Master and h●ue So you had need , ( for we haue no Co●ke to doe it . My Master and I are offi● Co●ke to doe it . My Master and I are all the officers i'th house ) But Master , is it so hatefull man● and deadly to accept a dinner at another mans table ? How are you then aliue ? Me thinkes P●icranion conceits doe caper the crosse point within thy pericranion . But see how farre thy reach comes short ●ee crosse point within thy pericranion . But see how farre thy reach comes short of mine fa●e point within thy pericranion . But see how farre thy reach comes short of mine . s●arue saine to reach far●e sometime , else I may starue . ) o● to eate anothers meate vpon inuitation , or sans inuitation . Which the vulgar call inuitat●on anothers meate vpon inuitation , or sans inuitation . Which the vulgar call not inuited ▪ I 〈◊〉 inuitation . Which the vulgar call not inuited ▪ I walke the second way . I will not be inuited wo●th the second way . I will not be inuited . My worth , my gentle faculty , My braue profession Orato●s faculty , My braue profession , They are the Orators , the Messengers , the Sergeants that inuite ●weet and where I sit , I leaue behinde me the sweet perfume of courtesie . court●sie , I leaue behinde me the sweet perfume of courtesie . L●quies has forgot at the French Ordinary when two laquies fell out , and one of them drew his ponyard on● Ordinary when two laquies fell out , and one of them drew his ponyard , who was't fell swoun● them drew his ponyard , who was't fell in a swoune and left such a perfume behinde him , that le●t ponyard , who was't fell in a swoune and left such a perfume behinde him , that the Chamberlaine souldi●r sometimes listen to the counsell of a common souldier , as Dan Plato saith in his politickes . D●n to the counsell of a common souldier , as Dan Plato saith in his politickes . What sayst ●yst Dan Plato saith in his politickes . What sayst thou Imp . What shall I doe to beate this ●o . What sayst thou Imp . What shall I doe to beate this dogge from my doore , it he come d●ore What shall I doe to beate this dogge from my doore , it he come to morrow ? b●rke Let him come , and barke for hunger : the cudgell of my wit shall 〈◊〉 Let him come , and barke for hunger : the cudgell of my wit shall ●ang ●aithfull So you 〈◊〉 my honour , faithfull Imp . to thee I leaue this 〈◊〉 , But 〈◊〉 woulded 〈◊〉 I would know the medicine whereby thou wouldest purge this distemper out of me . temperin● I was now tempering and preparing it . List how the hammers t●e preparing it . List how the hammers ●eate in the tonge of my brain . Thump . I'le none of 〈◊〉 preparing it . List how the hammers ●eate in the tonge of my brain . Thump . I'le none of that ●ump of my brain . Thump . I'le none of that . Thump againe . I like that better . bi●th I long to see the birth of the childe of thy braine . s●nd What if you send him word , that this day vpon Apollos call 〈◊〉 if you send him word , that this day vpon Apollos call , the whole Academy of vertuous students ●ous vpon Apollos call , the whole Academy of vertuous students arriuing here , the Captaine of 〈◊〉 Captaine of your Complementall schoole Count Pacheco Gi●o , takes vp the chiefe Inne in Parnassus Parnassu● Pacheco Gi●o , takes vp the chiefe Inne in Parnassus . o● O , at the signe of the flying horse Pegasus . Pegasu● O , at the signe of the flying horse Pegasus . ●e I preethee doe not hold me till midnight in the vnmasking thy aduise m●e the vnmasking thy aduise . What's this to mee and Sir Orgolio ? choppi●g and Sewers will make a ●ay with spi● and chopping kniues : and among the guests there will the● and chopping kniues : and among the guests there will be a mortall fight for precedency in p●ecedency guests there will be a mortall fight for precedency in place . th● my boy . I haue it now . Therefore Ergo . the Exclusion is , that , as he would preuent co●e But how if Sir Orgolio say then hee'le come thither too , and be my shadow there , and ●f What if he returne mee word that hee will come and p●ouision with 〈◊〉 of whole showles and legions of prouision for entertainment . non● I say none but the sonne of a Cobler would bee so vncourteous wa●rant how hast thou raised vp my heauy heart , I warrant I weigh ten pound lighter then I did ere e●e warrant I weigh ten pound lighter then I did ere while . kn● Lighter tenne pound of lead . ( For I neuer now him weigh heauy tenne pound of siluer . sta●ue suckes the yong Gentlemens purses , and yet we starue at home . ) mee●e Now is the time that Master Gingle is to meete with vs on Parnassus downes to act his trampling La●riger To the grand supporter of Apollos Court , Lauriger . And so forth as followes in that vn●st ●orth supporter of Apollos Court , Lauriger . And so forth as followes in that vn●st title , When I ●he spitefull looke , she vowed reuenge . Now who but she has contriu'd to catch me in a snare . A ●e . Now who but she has contriu'd to catch me in a snare . A message is brought to mee sna●e who but she has contriu'd to catch me in a snare . A message is brought to mee by a seeming ●riend A message is brought to mee by a seeming friend , o● proffering a pension from Captaine prostering is brought to mee by a seeming friend , o● proffering a pension from Captaine Complement , to t●is , that gold would make me Auriger , that this Captaine fetching ouer diuers of our yonglings b●ibery reprizall , may take this p●sion , that it is no bribery to receiue it , but an act of iustice : 〈◊〉 straw there Lauriger . Consider that this bragging hobby-horse liues but in al hungry fashion ungry this bragging hobby-horse liues but in al hungry fashion . All he can scratch by cheating fashi●n bragging hobby-horse liues but in al hungry fashion . All he can scratch by cheating , he spends ●cratch liues but in al hungry fashion . All he can scratch by cheating , he spends on that witch Siren allo● on that witch Siren . He euery quarter to allovv a pension of fiue crownes , that can scarce 〈◊〉 witch Siren . He euery quarter to allovv a pension of fiue crownes , that can scarce ●iue . He euery quarter to allovv a pension of fiue crownes , that can scarce allow himselfe sca●ce allovv a pension of fiue crownes , that can scarce allow himselfe fiue dinners , or an honest flo●kebed allow himselfe fiue dinners , or an honest flockebed to repose his vaulting bones ? Lay another Laur●ger Ludio . Lauriger . mo●e which they haue laid for me , whe● me the more to accuse them both anon at Apollos Iudgement No●ice Nouice is so taken vp with the Captaine , that de●olate Will no body take pitty on a desolate gamester ? Will you play with me ? will gam●ster Will no body take pitty on a desolate gamester ? Will you play with me ? will you ? ●obbes Secondly , he robbes them of their patrimonies . bl●w Come you it'h blew iacket , I'le try with you at this , or nu●ngs Thirdly , he puls away the sweetest nuthings from the Muses breasts . afte●noone schoole for this . Will not a snatch in the afternoone serue you , and then buckle to your booke se●ue this . Will not a snatch in the afternoone serue you , and then buckle to your booke againe 〈◊〉 our great Lord . And yet I haue heard that he loues boyes play , and therefore he still ●ondling Thou ignorant fondling , that is hieroglificall . His beardlesse s●me flourishing youth , signifies the neuer fading fame which is gotten by his seruice . 〈◊〉 I , but sir , by your leaue , I haue read , that Apollo Apolloplaid I say Apollo plaid at Quoits , as we doe . And his play-fellow ●as Cyparissus that was turned into a Cypresse tree ▪ gueues O how it grieues n●y heart to thinke of that honest lad . ●rissus heart to thinke of that honest lad . Ah p●ore Cyparissus . When I learn'd the lesson in Ouid , I th● lad . Ah p●ore Cyparissus . When I learn'd the lesson in Ouid , I could haue corne that Quo●ng should fall out at the worthy exercise of Quoiting . Out alas , if my trade did not imploy befal● their time in play , lest some mischiefe befals them : Nay lest Apollo himselfe brain them plai good Master Apollo would neuer himselfe haue plaid at Quoits in his owne proper person , with palt●y Quoits in his owne proper person , with a paltry boy , like one of vs . I haue writ this p●ates How this Lad prates ? Ludio I tell thee that was no boyes play spend● threshing hennes at Shrouetide . He that spends his life in play , keepes Shrouetide all elsw I that I doe : else why play wee now in honour of Apollo ? o● that I doe : else why play wee now in honour of Apollo ? i● thee this our play if it be weighed right , is three ounces study , and but one ounce play a● Our playing now is a kind of study , wheras as thy seeming study is nothing but playing ploddin● thy seeming study is nothing but playing or plodding how and where and with whom to play . Thy i● and where and with whom to play . Thy trade is to be prodigall of ( the cheifest riches own● ) time . Thou art a very bankrout of thy owne time : and louest to pull others into the poin● Oleo , he got of Ganeo the Elder , all his points hatband , garters , and a gold ring , and crown● hatband , garters , and a gold ring , and fiue crowns in money ; and yet in two houres to see ho● money ; and yet in two houres to see to , see how fortune came with a windlace about againe prate● dice , instead of a stall of teeth . What pratest thou of recovering lost rings and money a● can never be recalled . Time steals away , as thou art a stealer of time . See now how i● croached a stealer of time . See now how thou hast incroached vpon my pretious time , whilst I heare a● Awa● speake , with such a canker of good houres . Away away . wi● You bid me away , because you dare not play with mee . o● nothing . Come on therefore at hide and seeke , or blinde man buffe . bl●ndman Why then at blindman buffe you shall bee first blinded . Pillo●y the holes , then say Ludio is set in the Pillory . but rather then want ●ew , here take my ga●ter . but rather then want ●ew , here take my garter , and tye my sachell about my face . i● O with what wicked bumbast is his sachell slust ? I thought it was not dic●ary of our schoole posts , or hang our great dicsnary at thy heele , for a clogge to keepe thee Sirca Siren . Ludio . 〈◊〉 to finde more game here . O yonder's a ●h gamester . I think he is caught in our net already Cup● caught in our net already . So , so , Verily Cupid hath blinded him for our purpose . vnty● him . I haue him . But where is your bell ? vntye me now It is your 〈◊〉 to be blinded O what 〈◊〉 him . But where is your bell ? vntye me now It is your 〈◊〉 to be blinded O what ha●d 〈◊〉 vn●oing I haue but the vndoing of many in my dayes . But I neuer met with 〈◊〉 but the vndoing of many in my dayes . But I neuer met with so forward a guest , that would hi● with so forward a guest , that would begge his owne vndoing . 〈◊〉 it now . What now ? Hee turn'd to Shee ? Master Lauriger , me thinkes your lookes are grown seru●d How well art thou seru'd , when such a Nimph is at thy seruice ? It If thou be at my seruice , s●ake thy silken tho● If thou be at my seruice , s●ake thy silken coate ●and seruice , s●ake thy silken coate , and golden band , against my garters and hat . Lift who a●t , but because thou art our friend ; Thou art ours already . What need wee spend birdlime bi●me Thou art ours already . What need wee spend birdlime vpon those wanton sparrowes , that are in 〈◊〉 sparrowes , that are in our cage already ? S●t cosin Ludio , thou art a member of our family fa●il S●t cosin Ludio , thou art a member of our family Queene He done gets good accesse by thee acces●e member of our family Queene He done gets good accesse by thee . Goe on with all thy thrifty wares G●biano more letters vp in our trade . Goe to sir Grobiano , make him pay for thy acquaintance . ●n now imployed against my woont in studying an oration to saue my head from a blow , which o● but Siren that has made such turmoiles here of late . Praco haue you cited her ? Pr●co that has made such turmoiles here of late . Praco haue you cited her ? ●er turmoiles here of late . Praco haue you cited her ? ●ndited haue met with her . Dame Siren , thou art indited by the name of Siren for subuerting Apollos pla●e her blisse . Among the gods she hath her place , They all stand gazing on her face . The d● all stand gazing on her face . The clouds do from her presence flye , 'Tis sunshine where ●illy are she treads on earth below , A rose or lilly vp doth grow . Her breath a gale of spi● N●ar she sings . What ere she touches turnes to Nectar , What man , but can , and must affect her slatterer Away thou glosing flatterer . Wee are no game for thee . Let vs about s●earing The Muses will out-sing her , and teare her flearing lockes . I will goe cite Slug . ter●ij Finis Actus tertij . ●ournfull In case you finde a Lady weeping and mournfull , for that her Monkey is sicke of the mumps M●nkey Lady weeping and mournfull , for that her Monkey is sicke of the mumps , then say . mum●● mournfull , for that her Monkey is sicke of the mumps , then say . 〈◊〉 for that her Monkey is sicke of the mumps , then say . Clarid●na Rather ●sh your salutation thus . 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Claridiana . Clarid●na ●t as can be . T● is Claridiana was courted by the Knight of the sunne . Si● sunne . My Mother has ●ad that booke to me . Sir your s●le is very h●h and lo● . d●ble Twise double worthy dubbed Maddame — Maddaine Twise double worthy dubbed Maddame — d●ble Twise dobble dubbed . What doth shee weare a doublet double● Twise dobble dubbed . What doth shee weare a doublet doe Ladies ●e to weare doublets now ? 〈◊〉 dobble dubbed . What doth shee weare a doublet doe Ladies ●e to weare doublets now ? Cyn● Comp . vnde stand You vnderstand not . There was of late yeeres a fashion sashion vnderstand not . There was of late yeeres a fashion , when haec vir , & hic mulier were in request h● There was of late yeeres a fashion , when haec vir , & hic mulier were in request . But 〈◊〉 vnderstand me . Twise doubly because she hath two titles to her honour . The full a title of law h●m sword . The second The second What ●'st . him h● , the second . Oh I haue it , because ●n it , because the is rich● in cloathes then in ioynter . But proceed we in your approach proc● is rich● in cloathes then in ioynter . But proceed we in your approach . s● Oh so you haue wonderfully inlighted inlighted 〈◊〉 Oh so you haue wonderfully inlighted inlighted me . ●dme Oh so you haue wonderfully inlighted inlighted me . cla●d I haue wipe ●and clarified the dull spectacle of thy intellect with Nap● dull spectacle of thy intellect with the Napkin of my Comment . ●espye Indeed now me thinks espye her clearely without a looking-glasse . w● put Indeed now me thinks espye her clearely without a looking-glasse . But how should I forbid s●ow Madame I forbid the ba●es betweene you and snow . fir● when we stole hens together , and he put me first into the henn-roost . ) henn-●oost hens together , and he put me first into the henn-roost . ) bane●ull Away with this forbidding banes . It is a banefull ominous word , not befitting the wooing besitting banes . It is a banefull ominous word , not befitting the wooing stile . You shall mould all vp 〈◊〉 banefull ominous word , not befitting the wooing stile . You shall mould all vp in the fine pulle sine wooing stile . You shall mould all vp in the fine pulle past of poetry thus . sadome Whose vertues not the longest tongue can fadome . La●es I thinke Ladies garments are measured by th'ell and by the th'●ll I thinke Ladies garments are measured by th'ell and by the yard , but measuring their vertues ●adome yard , but measuring their vertues by the fadome , I neuer heard of before . o● their vertues by the fadome , I neuer heard of before . sadome dubbed Madame , Whose long tongue no man can fadome . d eary In dreary teary salt sea brine . Kno●st Know'st thou not what globy is ? I perceiue then Chau●r see thou art no Poet , thou hast neuer read Chaucer . Hast thou neuer heard of eyne twaine ? tw●ine read Chaucer . Hast thou neuer heard of eyne twaine ? slomacke Mr. Gingles queasie stomacke cannot disgest souse . globyeyne shall lugge thy lagging eares . Souse not thy globy eyne . I tell thee this is not such as it s●lt brine is salt , and trickling teares are salt . Manimitating Then thus . Your soure leg'd , two-leg'd , Man-imitating , two-handed , long-tayled play fellow , Apetrickes Garden , where hee shall learne not onely Ape trickes , but the whipping of blinde Beares o● not onely Ape trickes , but the whipping of blinde Beares . sin●l Paris Garden ? O fine Paris they say is a ●ne City in France . loyne●s him appeare as round and vniforme , as a Ioyners turn'd bed post . whi● legig I pray you learne me that whirlegig tricke . til● It lifts a man vp till he grow lesse and lesse like a Hawke after didstill was the late Queene Mothers Iewell . Thou didst still thou forgetfull brat to leaue it behinde Parnossus haue worne it at this publike show . All Parnassus would haue admired it . el●e the Margent of my Inuentary , that no man else ●y so much as looke on it or haue any price M●ster Master Gingle I pray you pay me ten groars for groars Master Gingle I pray you pay me ten groats for entring this Caueat in mine office . forentring Master Gingle I pray you pay me ten groars for entring this Caueat in mine office . My ●ffice ten groars for entring this Caueat in mine office . My fee my fee sir . see for entring this Caueat in mine office . My fee my fee sir . see entring this Caueat in mine office . My fee my fee sir . lod● 〈◊〉 Come to me at my lodging , and I will lay ●alt on this birds ●yle o● will lay ●alt on this birds ●yle dor feare of flying away . flyingg lay ●alt on this birds ●yle dor feare of flying away . gl●tter Let oakes and lands flye . I meane to glitter bright in Diamond ▪ dearely dight . Wh●t What starre is that , that glides along this 〈◊〉 What starre is that , that glides along this way ? rat er Say rather all the habitable circumference of this melli●uous haue affoorded and suppeditated vnto me so mellifluous an Indoctrinator , as is the curious Captaine Apulcius Thou hadst better bee transformed with Apuleius into a golden Asse . p●e should weare his cloaths , on which side his purse should lye in his pocket , which stocking ●ocking his purse should lye in his pocket , which stocking he should draw on first vpon ominous dayes 〈◊〉 Indeed sir I haue heard you often tell of a man that pic●t tooth-ach seuen yeeres after , because he pickt his teeth with the south end of his picktooth beny meditating a discourse to be offred vp before a beuy of Ladies . no●n Is there south and north a picktooth ? b●idled hobby-horses or , prancing in a field ▪ or , bridled and sadled argent . you le now I doubt you are no Gentleman , I feare youle neuer proue fashionable , I will rather gla●e Rubbish What Iugge ? bring away the looking glasse . Thou dirty Rubbish , thy singers haue ●or I can say nothing for any portion , but in hangs iust behinde Mus● Vnlesse I be set all in print , the Poeticall Muse will make times on me , when they see mee o● giue me leaue , I'le tell you what they say of him . P●ponus Marry forsooth Philoponus , and others eke also do say , if you feed d● forsooth Philoponus , and others eke also do say , if you feed him so much , that he p●u you feed him so much , that he will neuer proue : a scholler . resin'd be made a ●y scholler ? Shall such a keene refin'd wit be dul'd and imbased , by plodding on w●t ●y scholler ? Shall such a keene refin'd wit be dul'd and imbased , by plodding on a Phil●us but that I could ●ne in my heart to ma●y Philoponus at a venture . man●erly I will , as mannerly as I may , tell Apollo that it is an honour 〈◊〉 Geron . nodra● O. terg . ollota nodrap . su . 〈◊〉 O. terg . ollota nodrap . su . 〈◊〉 Did I set you at too high a booke ? You were too proud of 〈◊〉 Did I set you at too high a booke ? You were too proud of your ●high Did I set you at too high a booke ? You were too proud of your wit 〈◊〉 high a booke ? You were too proud of your wit , and would needes slide ouer the rudiments ●udiments your wit , and would needes slide ouer the rudiments , and leape at first into an higher forme 〈◊〉 Im . rehtom . Im. ●thom . 〈◊〉 needs say 'twas her fault , not mine . She euer ioggd me , and told mee , that her Rowland 〈◊〉 the 〈◊〉 est booke did best befit his ●gh flowne 〈◊〉 and now alas thy long long punishment 〈◊〉 est booke did best befit his ●gh flowne 〈◊〉 and now alas thy long long punishment {gap-line-1} 〈◊〉 did best befit his ●gh flowne 〈◊〉 and now alas thy long long punishment {gap-line-1} penance 〈◊〉 ●gh flowne 〈◊〉 and now alas thy long long punishment {gap-line-1} penance vnto me , then to thy ●nance alas thy long long punishment {gap-line-1} penance vnto me , then to thy {gap-line-1} two yeeres g●ates bin 〈◊〉 {gap-line-1} at home . It grieues & grates mee eares to heare this backward language m●e {gap-line-1} at home . It grieues & grates mee eares to heare this backward language imposed 〈◊〉 {gap-line-1} at home . It grieues & grates mee eares to heare this backward language imposed 〈◊〉 {gap-line-1} at home . It grieues & grates mee eares to heare this backward language imposed by 〈◊〉 at home . It grieues & grates mee eares to heare this backward language imposed by Apollos 〈◊〉 these backward steps . And yet remaines a furtiuer time for me , 〈◊〉 backward steps . And yet remaines a furtiuer time for me , pla●e To be the scorne and by word of this place . Old Gerons ouer-forward childe Retorted fo● . Old Gerons ouer-forward childe Retorted for his hastinesse , Is made the prou● 〈◊〉 of ●astinesse Gerons ouer-forward childe Retorted for his hastinesse , Is made the prou● 〈◊〉 of these times . ●otten these times . And likened to soone ●ipe soone rotten fruit ▪ But how long time remaines yet vnexpir'd 〈◊〉 likened to soone ●ipe soone rotten fruit ▪ But how long time remaines yet vnexpir'd 〈◊〉 ●arce poore father ( spent with teares and grief ) Scarce hopes now to outlast . Alas The candle of ou●last with teares and grief ) Scarce hopes now to outlast . Alas The candle of my dayes is almost th● of my dayes is almost spent , It waueth in the snufte , and little oyle Is left to make ou● I feare thy wishes are farre larger then our hopes . Irr●m Irrem . ollopa . ban●ke retire beside this shady tree This mossy bancke will rest my weary limbs , And giue me time ●ender Graue guide of tender youth , Interpreter Of great Apollos lawes task● rest Of those , that vndertake this worthy taske , Pretending to the liberall sciences , bot● 〈◊〉 all seeing 〈◊〉 in circling round About both Hemispheares of this large world , Hath brui●ed tender plants corrupted are , Distorted , bruised , hindred of their growth . Thinke they ●oundations of their growth . Thinke they that these foundations haue bin l● These Cells erected , and those sloa● harbour such foule el●es ? Shall snorting sloath Thinke here to nestle , fixed to his bed ●ere ? Shall wanton pleasure thinke to reuell here ? Shall toying apish p●ating Complement p●ating thinke to reuell here ? Shall toying apish prating Complement Outface the Muses , teare Apollos outl●ap their innocence ? Shall hasty heady Nouices outleap their masters lo● , Presuming on their wit Apoll●s he meaneth thee . Haue pitty on vs great Apollos Priest . Worthy Philoponus intreat Mus●us Per●assus will consider him . But let vs hast vp to Pernassus top . The time is come , the Court must 〈◊〉 i'th yeere ? When I was Apollos schollar , I'me sure Musaeus reckoned but quarterly , 〈◊〉 Vsurer● What dost thou tell me of Almanackes ? Vsurers goe by the Almanacke . I scorne that griping Almana●ke tell me of Almanackes ? Vsurers goe by the Almanacke . I scorne that griping trade . My moneth 〈◊〉 scorne that griping trade . My moneth is foure weekes ●ust , you may remember them by the 〈◊〉 I reckon the moneth by one shirt . ●udge Who shall be iudge betweene vs ? te●ch thy iudge . For euery one of my moneths I teach thee a severall straine of Courtesie And nea●ly therefore he allowes an odde call of courtesie , neatly chipt . see I cry fallings : this is my fee , I trow . the●e accompanied with the scratching of the elbow : there is the Beggars shrugge , and that's done ●atching , and that's done with a quicke motion , snatching , to make a sixe ▪ footed bandogge leaue Foxe-surr'd with the hands insconced in a Muste , & a Foxe-furr'd co● close gi●t . There is a drowsie shrugge Card● gallant , when he has set vp al night at Cards , and sau'd the pulling off his boo●es . yawn●ng performed with displaying out the armes , and yawning with the mouth , which represents a kinde ●ibbards with the mouth , which represents a kinde of Libbards face . And lastly , there is a gentle Italian The●e O the Italian shrugge . There 'tis . How's that ? I shrugge with desire tw●-forked , nor assent vnto with honor . In such a two-forked dilemma , the shrugge relieues you , and honou● To deny it , were a derogation from your honour . To loue or be belou'd is honourable . Pr●co Session is begunne by this . The villaine Praco is like death , and will spare none . Mee i● Session is begunne by this . The villaine Praco is like death , and will spare none . Mee thinks hea●e death , and will spare none . Mee thinks I heare him cry , Captaine Complement appeare . 〈◊〉 will spare none . Mee thinks I heare him cry , Captaine Complement appeare . Goe Coach Here●ir will march vp the hill on foot . Here sir , I appeare sir . sna●'d SEe how thy soule was snar'd with sophistry . No Author here alleadg'd ●onsistere , In voluptatis regno virtutem non posse consistere , That vertue cannot stand where pleasure 〈◊〉 vertue cannot stand where pleasure raignes . Anacreon was a wanton Epicure , A glosing Poet , ●wd was a wanton Epicure , A glosing Poet , but lewd Moralist : He sould his soule to Uenus and par●s fault . Doth not that Poet represent the parts , The passions , and seuerall enormities no● those times , That readers might them hate , not imitate . S● , Comique Poets set out drunkennesse 〈◊〉 set out drunkennesse In him that pleads for Bacchus , and the while Doth swagger , stagger , slage loathing of it selfe . If I would on a Comique stage display Vertue in conflict stoutly labouring 〈◊〉 labouring , And then in conquest honoured by fame ; First would I personate her enemy In some ●udicious You haue , judicious Philoponus , More hardly in the groue , iug●ling recouered sight . O how I loath , and hate that iuggling hand , That wrote , or teach't to me these ●each't hate that iuggling hand , That wrote , or teach't to me these balefull lines . What sacrifice ●obe I yeeld More ●r , then thus to teare that robe , wherein That poyson was conuey'd , to Com● Come let vs vp into Apollos Court . The Session 〈◊〉 let vs vp into Apollos Court . The Session is long since begunne . There shall you more hea●ing shall you more confirme your resolution , by hearing Apollo himself in his iudgment seate . grandsite Alas in foot , and hand too . My father and grandsire had so . ou● so farre , though I bee already tyred with our long iourney . littl● I judge standing , that thou hast little vnderstanding that art such an enemy to Drud● But sir Drudo , why doe you discourage mee from hope of su●e reason why you should be admitted . I'me sure for these seuen yeeres , euery visitation P●co , when your name hath bin called aloud by Praco , you haue bin asleepe , and were faine L●thargy Out vpon thee , what art thou in a Lethargy ? I thinke thy mother was asleepe when thou liu●st Thou Dormouse , thou liu'st in a perpetuall winter : think'st thou them Drude What shall Drudo be so bold . No . But say what thou canst entertain d prescription time out of time . I haue bin entertain'd euermore by some of Apollos prentises . ●ees All Wines haue some lees , D●oanes All Bee-hiues some droanes . wi●s then my heeles , for then all my spirits and wits sinke downe into my braine . So I'le tell ●'le and wits sinke downe into my braine . So I'le tell thee now what learn'd counsaile I gaue Prac● name it call'd ere this at the Session , and Praco woon't sauour you . You will be in , forty Scopa● Thuriger . Scopas . Cull● S●spbu . Scopas . Come away with the Cushions . Lay that Carpet smoother . When were these tha●ay VVHere are they , that say that Ludio is the Canker of the schoole Iudio VVHere are they , that say that Ludio is the Canker of the schoole ? I haue pronounced Thur●er Vnto thee , O Thuriger , I am the Nuntio , to tell thee , that qua● a. by this time come to Actus quintus , Scena quarta Praco told me they will all come downe Pr●o time come to Actus quintus , Scena quarta Praco told me they will all come downe hither com● Scena quarta Praco told me they will all come downe hither to Act Scena ultima . Scen●●ima me they will all come downe hither to Act Scena ultima . I●dio I shall be ready for them . But I pr● , Ludio , how did Mistresse Gingle behaue her selfe neue●●sed She neuer ceased crying out to Apollo , O the generous ●enerous neuer ceased crying out to Apollo , O the generous Captaine Complement ! O that he may bold himsel● O that he may bold ●is ●enement . Apollo himself was faine to command her silence . ●grossed I haue it here ingrossed and recorded . requi●all helpe a dye , and such like , and he in kinde requitall has drawne an Apology for me in forme of Lud●o Ludio sh●l thee here be aboue a dozen of points . You shal haue a touch of the fore-point thus . ●purne not ●d point , when you haue return'd from spurne point . ob●ysance Then I made obeysance thrice , with a nimble low stoope which 〈◊〉 learn't when we plaid at Ducke Fryer . Then I cried ●m , ●em to cleare my voice , and de●ence assistant sisters ●ne , Attend this iust defence of mine . dan●e starres , what doe they all the yeere but dance their measures , and keep there their stately kee● the yeere but dance their measures , and keep there their stately distances , and , to there● yeere but dance their measures , and keep there their stately distances , and , to shew G●rds sometime graue Pauins , otherwhile ●mble Galliards . Almanac●e-makers Better then sixteene Almanacke-makers , with all their Sextile aspects , and fiery siery Almanacke-makers , with all their Sextile aspects , and fiery triplicities . Th●●fore my owne defence , in his owne presence . Therefore I begun with crauing pardon . O Maiestique c●auing his owne presence . Therefore I begun with crauing pardon . O Maiestique Lord of the day , Maies● Therefore I begun with crauing pardon . O Maiestique Lord of the day , Moderator of the yeere R●ng-leader Lord of the day , Moderator of the yeere , Ring-leader of all the glittering lampes ; giue poore o● poore Ludio leaue to shew that in the worke of thy bright Regiment , thou canst not be P●oebus haue in their Coach more horses then Don ▪ Phoebus . slea O Impudency ! How durst thou base flea , skippe thus high into Apollos face . Didst Lu●a to glide downe lower , and talke of Lady Luna . Mistresse Moone ( quoth I ) what is her cur●es And as the Sunne courts her , shee makes curtsies in her round walke , sometimes bashfully ba●fully makes curtsies in her round walke , sometimes bashfully putting on her Maske . bu●h The Shepheard with the bush of thornes has preuented sleepy Endymion leapsrogge , what doe they , but play at trusse and leapfrogge on one anothers backe ? The winds in the ●eeples Sometimes they blowest the points of steeples , and this is a very high point , worth o● Leaue of now your rehearsall Ludio . Why prated you pr●ted Leaue of now your rehearsall Ludio . Why prated you of the starres and winde● ? What's this becomea euery Hate hath her Muse . But what then becomes o● the ten h●e ? 〈◊〉 hath her Muse . But what then becomes o● the ten h●e ? 〈◊〉 That's a great one for Apollo their Master and ours . Pr●co Praco . t●ou Thinkst thou , that Apollo will bee mooued with these ve●mine mooued with these reasons , to let such a vermine harbour in the pigeon house of the Mr ? 〈◊〉 such a vermine harbour in the pigeon house of the Mr ? M● vermine harbour in the pigeon house of the Mr ? ●u Doe you thinke that I will sucke their egges ? Doe lik● that I will sucke their egges ? Doe I looke like a su● 〈◊〉 ? I am sure the Auditory did entertaine 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 ? I am sure the Auditory did entertaine thy speech with the signe of approbation ▪ hum 〈◊〉 sure the Auditory did entertaine thy speech with the signe of approbation ▪ hum , hum , hum th● the Auditory did entertaine thy speech with the signe of approbation ▪ hum , hum , hum . si●ne Auditory did entertaine thy speech with the signe of approbation ▪ hum , hum , hum . 〈◊〉 That was 〈◊〉 but the yonger sort , and those that yo●er That was 〈◊〉 but the yonger sort , and those that stood at the lower ●aken I am much 〈◊〉 taken if Apollo himselfe did not in the end hum quiuta Actus quintus . Scena quinta . Scopa● Scopas . Lauri●er Thuriger . Scopas . Drudo . Lauriger . Praco . Musaeus . Clio. Euterpe . Philoponus Pr●co Thuriger . Scopas . Drudo . Lauriger . Praco . Musaeus . Clio. Euterpe . Philoponus . Philo●onus Lauriger . Praco . Musaeus . Clio. Euterpe . Philoponus . Amphibius . Siren. Ludio ▪ Implement . Am●s . Musaeus . Clio. Euterpe . Philoponus . Amphibius . Siren. Ludio ▪ Implement . Slugge . Geron. Pr●co Praco . E●erpe Clio , you must sit down , and you Euterpe . Musaeus craues your assistance . croues must sit down , and you Euterpe . Musaeus craues your assistance . Tace●e Silentium : et Tacete . Our Lord Apollo by his deputed Iudge , Ou● Our great Apollos Pallace seemeth like A spacious Vnu●ull Wherein creepe vp by small vnleene degrees Vnusefull , hurtfull , and vnsauory weedes ; Which hurt●ull creepe vp by small vnleene degrees Vnusefull , hurtfull , and vnsauory weedes ; Which ouergrow and plant● weedes ; Which ouergrow and choake the better plants , And make the tender flowers to hang the ●view'd yonder top Of this our sacred ●ll , euen now oe'r-view'd All that his herbage , and with cutious Pr●co , What lot attends on euery name inrold . Praco , read the Record , and cite the names . Pr●o Praco . Par●assus in the great hall of the westerne top of Parnassus . Our soueraigne Lord Apollo sitting in adou● hearing of all parties , did then and there adiourne the Court , to be presently continued at Pr●co Praco . ●uez Vous hauez Si● . Musaeu● Musaeus . sea●cht Siren must first be searcht . Nimp● iustice , I hope you will not suffer a poore Nimph to be vsed so immodestly . If I must be ransa● Nimph to be vsed so immodestly . If I must be ransackt , I p●y you let it be done by a Iury of ●er of her vpper garment . I auriger lift vp her vaile . va●le her vpper garment . I auriger lift vp her vaile . b●stles O blacke bristles . O nasty Vermine ! do●ssed to the sea , and there to be tossed , and doussed , together with Scylla , that monstrous S●ylla to be tossed , and doussed , together with Scylla , that monstrous shame of nature . But , Hed●e , let her take a message to carry to Dame Hedone , if ere they meete againe . That is , that d●ome O iust doome , that pleasure shall bee alwaies fetter'd 〈◊〉 iust doome , that pleasure shall bee alwaies fetter'd to paine . Which also this false Siren prooues see●ing this false Siren prooues . ●irst , a face seeming faire to meet with : but if you further 〈◊〉 meet with : but if you further goe , turpem desinit in piscem mulus formosa superne . pisc● but if you further goe , turpem desinit in piscem mulus formosa superne . mul● you further goe , turpem desinit in piscem mulus formosa superne . formos● further goe , turpem desinit in piscem mulus formosa superne . Pr●co Laur. Drudo . Praco . Philop Omnes . Pr●co On Praco . Who is next ? Pr●o Praco . b●uez is Ludio . Appeare Ludio Gamester . Vous bauez Ludio . Ludi● Ludio . Appeare Ludio Gamester . Vous bauez Ludio . hau● Here appeares poore banckrout Ludio . I haue suffered losses by misfortune . misfo●tune banckrout Ludio . I haue suffered losses by misfortune . brass● . Theeues , they haue rob'd mee of all my brasse coine , and vnbound paper bookes . I must 〈◊〉 The rogue meanes his cards and counters . ●ot Thou bold else , that canst not at thy triall for get thy play . Apollo fit● not at thy triall for get thy play . Apollo fits thee with a doome , that thou shalt play pl●y fits thee with a doome , that thou shalt play vncessantly . 〈◊〉 I'me glad of that A perpetuall play-day . 〈◊〉 And thou sh●lt ●ue fifty playfellowes . doe● So much good company does the b●tter . fi●ty They are the fifty daughters of Danaus ; whose play is still daughte●s They are the fifty daughters of Danaus ; whose play is still to fetch 〈◊〉 They are the fifty daughters of Danaus ; whose play is still to fetch and fetch I●e At dice ? that's well ▪ Ile cheate all those fifty wenches . che●te At dice ? that's well ▪ Ile cheate all those fifty wenches . 〈◊〉 But thus . Thy dice thou must put into a bottomlesse boxe . So , 〈◊〉 must put into a bottomlesse boxe . So , when thou throwest , they fall to the ground : and t●ke , they fall to the ground : and thou must take them vp : they fall againe , thou stoopest 〈◊〉 must take them vp : they fall againe , thou stoopest againe . Thi● is the M●ll bothering , wherein 〈◊〉 fall againe , thou stoopest againe . Thi● is the M●ll bothering , wherein thou must runne h●ering , thou stoopest againe . Thi● is the M●ll bothering , wherein thou must runne ●und eternally 〈◊〉 is the M●ll bothering , wherein thou must runne ●und eternally . ●im He that would finde Lu● , must seeke him at the signe of the Labour in va●e . s●died O would I had studied when I played ▪ rather then thus to play 〈◊〉 ▪ rather then thus to play at lost labour eternally . Praec● Praco . Indi●ence Mistresse Indulgence 〈◊〉 . h●th Blinde fortune hath quit her of that ; but shee is true to her he● Blinde fortune hath quit her of that ; but shee is true to her name Indulgence o● Blinde fortune hath quit her of that ; but shee is true to her name Indulgence i● fortune hath quit her of that ; but shee is true to her name Indulgence . 〈◊〉 her of that ; but shee is true to her name Indulgence . 〈◊〉 Mistresse Indulgence Gingle . Spinster . Gin●le Mistresse Indulgence Gingle . Spinster . Spi●ster Mistresse Indulgence Gingle . Spinster . Dr●do Drudo . fl●xe All the wooll and flaxe , t●at euer she spunne , I will eate and 〈◊〉 All the wooll and flaxe , t●at euer she spunne , I will eate and feare no choaking Thess●ly sonne , and said she would dwell no longer in Thessaly , i● her sones best instructor be not suffered a● best instructor be not suffered here . And as she fled , her Coach ouerturned . oue●ned suffered here . And as she fled , her Coach ouerturned . w●eeles Let her foure wheeles carry Apollos curse with her , that none 〈◊〉 petty forme of Apollos schoole . Passe o● Praco . Pr●co Praco . ●oolingham fiue Sences : Except the Mansion house of Foolingham , which is intailed to the heires of his wo●fully which is intailed to the heires of his body woefully begotten . ●y For my part I will not be of counsell to cut off th● part I will not be of counsell to cut off the entaile . en●aile I will not be of counsell to cut off the entaile . Pr●co Praco . p●etended Complement , pretended Captaine , alias Captaine Comp . Fashionmonger Fashion●nger pretended Captaine , alias Captaine Comp . Fashionmonger . 〈◊〉 Fled with a witnesse . For he flew like a bird vp in bellow● had doom'd him to be blowne vp with Vulcans bellows into the middle Region of the ayre . 〈◊〉 outer-court of Apollos Pallace , when they perceiued by Mistresse Gingles discontent , that the ●kirts preuented execution , by tying squibs to his skirts ; which being fired , this light ●usball losty One boy said , that this was the Captaines lofty capering tricke . cap●ring said , that this was the Captaines losty capering tricke . whi●le And whither did this whirle winde carry him ? do● Who knowes ? But most doe thinke to the Iland of Coxcombria , a place riff●●affe Coxcombria , a place thicke impeopled with such rifferaffe . Pr●co Praco . Musaeu● Here sir , at hand . I pray you Master Musaeus be good to a poore Page . I had but a hard sc●rce hard seruice vnder him My bed and board was scarce to the mountenance of a water-Spanniell again● water-Spanniell . I would saine goe to schoole againe . 〈◊〉 How right this boy meetes with Apollos doome Thy lot is for the schoole againe : but i● this boy meetes with Apollos doome Thy lot is for the schoole againe : but there for one Ap●ry booke as nimbly as euer thou didst thy Maste● Apery , or the hauty vaulting horse . back● ●ide our blinde horse that kickes vs on the backe . Slu● Enter Slugge ▪ s●arce with vs ? You must be lagge . An houre will scarce serue you , though your iourney be short th● though your iourney be short , and downe the hill . 〈◊〉 Soft fire , sweet mault 〈◊〉 The next name Praco . Pr●co Praco . Sl●gge Slim Slugge . 〈◊〉 answer , vnlesse you giue him all his titles . Sluggus Sluggorum . Sl●e of Slugge-hall . 〈◊〉 vnlesse you giue him all his titles . Sluggus Sluggorum . Sl●e of Slugge-hall . Slugge-ha●l his titles . Sluggus Sluggorum . Sl●e of Slugge-hall . Pr●co Praco . 〈◊〉 Why then Slim Slugge , Sluggum Sluggorum , Slugg of Slugge-hall , Sleeper Slug● Why then Slim Slugge , Sluggum Sluggorum , Slugg of Slugge-hall , Sleeper . S●eper Sluggum Sluggorum , Slugg of Slugge-hall , Sleeper . Pr●co Praco . hau●z Vous hauez Slugge . Stand forth and attend the sentence ●sly Thou night-bird , in whose nasty nest all Bookes and Inkehornes , and all m●uldy and Inkehornes , and all things else are mouldy , but thy bed . Yet there dost thou pigge sno●ting shall earne my fourteene pence a day there by snorting . But who shall carry me thither ? shll fourteene pence a day there by snorting . But who shall carry me thither ? th●ther there by snorting . But who shall carry me thither ? ma●ow you must foot it thither , there lyes the marrow of your punishment . Co●ats O that I had Tom Cortats euerlasting shooes ! But ho which is the 〈◊〉 the way to Lubberland ? Has none of you bin there Will you goe with mee ? will you in the y●u Lubberland ? Has none of you bin there Will you goe with mee ? will you in the frize coate Mu kad●e It is a fine Country . There are riuers of Muskadine , and bridges of Brawne , parkes of 〈◊〉 Praco , I thinke thou dreamest of Lubberland . dr●amest Praco , I thinke thou dreamest of Lubberland . Why do not you passe on d● thinke thou dreamest of Lubberland . Why do not you passe on ? y●u thou dreamest of Lubberland . Why do not you passe on ? p●sse thou dreamest of Lubberland . Why do not you passe on ? No●ice Nouice . 〈◊〉 saue me : I'le get my Mothe● to end y● . 〈◊〉 up a couple of Capons . Capon● my Mothe● to end y● . 〈◊〉 up a couple of Capons . 〈◊〉 Because thou art a free man , and thy follies come 〈◊〉 Because thou art a free man , and thy follies come of 〈◊〉 Because thou art a free man , and thy follies come of simple fre● Because thou art a free man , and thy follies come of simple 〈◊〉 de●pely follies come of simple 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 , and are not deepely rooted in thee , there is hope of thy recouery o● not deepely rooted in thee , there is hope of thy recouery . for three yeeres thou shalt 〈◊〉 deepely rooted in thee , there is hope of thy recouery . for three yeeres thou shalt pay but an ●or in thee , there is hope of thy recouery . for three yeeres thou shalt pay but an houre yee●es there is hope of thy recouery . for three yeeres thou shalt pay but an houre in the weeke p●y thy recouery . for three yeeres thou shalt pay but an houre in the weeke , and all thy scho●le pay but an houre in the weeke , and all thy schoole time 〈◊〉 depart from the presence and guidance 〈◊〉 houre in the weeke , and all thy schoole time 〈◊〉 depart from the presence and guidance 〈◊〉 the weeke , and all thy schoole time 〈◊〉 depart from the presence and guidance of Philoponus fr●m weeke , and all thy schoole time 〈◊〉 depart from the presence and guidance of Philoponus ●dance schoole time 〈◊〉 depart from the presence and guidance of Philoponus . Obserue and imitate his Ph●onus depart from the presence and guidance of Philoponus . Obserue and imitate his painfull diligence Obseru● the presence and guidance of Philoponus . Obserue and imitate his painfull diligence : so pam●ll guidance of Philoponus . Obserue and imitate his painfull diligence : so shalt thou get the Muses diligenc● Philoponus . Obserue and imitate his painfull diligence : so shalt thou get the Muses loue , and ●ord : so shalt thou get the Muses loue , and Lord Apollo fauour . fau●ur thou get the Muses loue , and Lord Apollo fauour . 〈◊〉 Thankes , many ▪ thankes to him , and thee for this your 〈◊〉 ▪ thankes to him , and thee for this your clemency . G●on Geron . Wo●ship Good your Worship , be good to my sonne , his Mother will hi● Good your Worship , be good to my sonne , his Mother will runne madde for gri● . 〈◊〉 good to my sonne , his Mother will runne madde for gri● . sonn● Thy sonne ▪ Come hither Retro . R●tro Retro . I●em Ferem doo●is . ha● Apollo has accepted thy submission , and cu● of the acc●pted Apollo has accepted thy submission , and cu● of the third yeere o● Apollo has accepted thy submission , and cu● of the third yeere of thy punishment . Arise yeer● accepted thy submission , and cu● of the third yeere of thy punishment . Arise , and shew thy Ari●e cu● of the third yeere of thy punishment . Arise , and shew thy face , Thy tongue may now s●ew third yeere of thy punishment . Arise , and shew thy face , Thy tongue may now runne right st●iding thou holdst the schollars euen path , nor striding f●st , nor wandring from the way . wandr●ng schollars euen path , nor striding f●st , nor wandring from the way . I hankes Thankes sacred Priest I shall bring my wife ioyfull ●y Thankes sacred Priest I shall bring my wife ioyfull newes . Pr●co , and th●e , by heauens assisting power . Praco , dissolue the Session . Pr●co Praco . depa●t licenseth all his subiects and seruants , to depart to their seuer all habitations . Mus●s It ioyes my heart , that we poore Muses , Now haue redresse of our abuses . mou●nd Before alas I mournd and wept : But now I ioy : our schoole is Apo●o Vincat Apollo , Regnet Apollo . ou● huddled games ; Who thus imploy our parts , our paines most gladly , In hope to please our gl●dly Who thus imploy our parts , our paines most gladly , In hope to please our Mother Towne of Shrou●tide with this our homely shrouing dish , A merry Shrouetide to you all we w●h . dro●ie T●s late ▪ Me thinkes I spye some drowsie head , Whose yawning , nodding toles a peale peal● drowsie head , Whose yawning , nodding toles a peale to bed ▪ If any such be here , wee'le take n●pping ▪ If any such be here , wee'le take them napping , And all to boxe their eares with loud ●o here , wee'le take them n●pping , And all to boxe their eares with loud hand-clapping