A dialogue conteinyng the nomber in effect of all the prouerbes in the englishe tongue compacte in a matter concernyng two maner of mariages, made and set foorth by Iohn̄ Heywood.

❧ A dialogue conteinyng the nomber in effect of all the prouerbes in the englishe tongue , compacte in a matter concernyng two maner of mariages , made and set foorth by Iohn Heywood .

Londini . AN. M.D.XLVI .

The preface . AMong other thyngs profityng in our tong Those whiche much may profit both old & yong Suche as on their fruite will feede or take holde Are our common playne pithy prouerbes olde . Some sence of some of whiche beyng bare and rude Yet to fyne and fruitefull effect they allude . And theyr sentences include so large a reache That almost in all thinges good lessons they teache . This write I not to teache , but to touche . for why , Men knowe this as well or better than I. But this and this rest , I write for this . Remembryng and consyderyng what the pith is That by remembrance of these prouerbes may grow In this tale , erst talked with a frende , I showe As many of theim as we coulde fytly fynde , Fallyng to purpose , that might fall in mynde . To th entent the reader redyly may Fynde theim and mynde theim , when he will alway .

The fyrste parte .

¶ The fyrst chapiter . OF myne acquayntaunce a certayne yong man ( Beyng a resorter to me nowe and than ) Resorted lately , showyng hym selfe to be Desyrous , to talke at length alone with me . And as we for this a mete place had woon , With this olde prouerbe , this yong man begoon . who so that knewe , what wolde be dere , Shulde nede be marchaunt but one yere . Though it ( quoth he ) thyng impossible be The full sequele of present thynges to fore se : Yet doth this prouerbe prouoke euery man Politikely ( as man possibly can ) In thyngs to come after , to cast iye before To cast out or kepe in , thyngs for fore store . As the prouision maie seme most profitable , And the commoditee moste commendable . Into this consideracion I am wrought By two thyngs , which fortune to hands hath brought . Two women I know , of which twayne the tone Is a mayde of flowryng age , a goodly one . Thother a wydowe , who so many yeres beares , That all her whitenesse lythe in her white heares . This mayde hath frends riche , but riches hath she non Nor none can hir hands get to lyue vpon . This wydow is very riche , and hir frends bare . And both these , for loue to wed with me fonde are . And both wolde I wed , the better and the wurs . The tone for her person , the tother for her purs . They woo not my substance , but my selfe they wooe . Goodes haue I none , and small good can I dooe . On this poore mayd hir riche frends I clerely know ( So she wed where thei will ) great gifts will bestow . But with theim all I am so farre from fauer , That she shall sure haue no grote , if I haue her . And I shall haue as littell , all my frends swere , Except I folowe theim , to wedde els where . The poore frends of this riche widow bere no sway , But wed hir and wyn welth , whan I will I may . Now whiche of these twayne is like to be derest In peyne or pleasure to stycke to me nerest , The depth of all doubts with you to consyder , The sence of the saied prouerbe sendth me hither . The best bargain of both quickely to haue skande : For one of them thynke I to make out of hande .

¶ The seconde chapiter . FRende ( quoth I ) welcome , & with right good will , I will as I can your will herein fulfyll . And two thyngs I see in you , that shewe you wise . Fyrst in weddyng or ye wed , to aske aduise . The seconde , your yeres beyng yong it apperes , Ye regarde yet good prouerbs of olde ferne yeres . And as ye grounde your tale vpon one of theim Furnishe we this tale with euerychone of theim . Suche as may fitly fall in mynde to dispose , Agreed ( quoth he . ) Then ( quoth I ) first this disclose . Haue you to this olde wydowe , or this yong mayde , Any wordes of assurance or this tyme sayde ? Nay in good faithe sayd he . Well than ( sayd I ) I will be playne with you , and may honestly . And plainly to speake , I lyke you ( as I sayde ) In two fore tolde things , but a thyrd haue I wayde , Not so muche to be lyked , as I can deme , Whiche is in your weddyng your haste so extreme . The best or wurst thyng to man for this lyfe Is good or yll choosyng his good or yll wyfe . I meane not onely of body good or bad , But of all thyngs meete or vnmeete to be had Suche as at any tyme by any meane maie Betwene man and wyfe , loue encrease or decaie . Where this grounde in any hed , grauely grateth All fyry haste to wed , it soone rebateth . Som thyngs that prouoke yong men to wed in haste Show after weddyng that haste maketh waste . Whan tyme hath tourned white suger to white salte , Than suche folke se , softe fyre maketh swete malte . And that deliberacion dothe men assyst Before they wed , to beware of had I wyst . And than theyr tymely weddyng doth clere appere , That they were early vp , and neuer the nere . And ones theyr hasty heate a lyttell controlde , Than perceyue they well , hotte loue sone colde . And whan hasty witlesse myrth is mated wee le , Good to be mery and wyse , they thynke and feele . Haste in weddyng som man thynkth his owne auaile Whan haste proueth a rod made for his owne taile . And whan he is well beaten with his owne rodde , Than seeth he haste and wisedom , thyngs far odde . And that in all , or moste thyngs , wisht at nede , Moste tymes he seeth , the more haste the lesse spede . In les things then wedding , haste showth haste mans fo So that the hasty man neuer wanteth wo. These sage sayd sawes yf ye take so profounde , As ye take that , by whiche ye toke your grounde , Than fynd ye grounded cause by these now here tolde ▪ In haste to weddyng your haste to withholde . And though they seme wyues for you neuer so fyt , Yet let not harmfull haste so far out ren your wyt , But that ye harke to here all the holle some , That maie please or displease you in tyme to come . Thus by these lessons ye may learne good cheape In weddyng and all thyng , to loke or ye leape . Ye haue euen nowe well ouerlookt me ( quoth he ) And lepte very nye me to . For I agree . That these sage sayinges dooe weightily waie Agaynst haste in all thyng : but I am at baye . By other parables of lyke weighty weyght , Which haste me to weddyng as ye shal here streyght .

¶ The thyrde chapiter . HE that will not whan he maie , Whan he woulde , he shall haue naie . Beautie or ryches the tone of the tweyne Nowe maie I chose , and whiche me lyst obteyne . And if we determyne me , this mayde to take , And than tract of tyme trayne her me to forsaek : Than my beautyfull mariage lythe in the dyke , And neuer for beautie , shall I wedde the lyke . Nowe if we awarde me this wydowe to wedde , And that I dryue of tyme , tyll tyme she be dedde : Than farewell ryches , the fat is in the fyre . And neuer shall I to lyke riches aspire . And a thousande folde wolde it greue me more , That she in my faute shulde dye one houre before , Than one minute after . Than haste must prouoke , Whan the pygge is proferd to holde vp the poke . Whan the sonne shynth make hey . whiche is to saie , Take tyme whan tyme cōmth , lest tyme stele awaie . And one good lesson to this purpose I pyke From the smiths forge , whan thyron is hote stryke . The sure sea man seeth , the tyde tarieth no man . And longe delaies or absence somewhat to skan . Sens that that one wyll not an other wyll , Delays in wooers must nedes theyr spede spyll . And touchyng absence , the full accompt who somthe Shall se , as faste as one gothe an nother comthe . Tyme is tyckell . and out of syght out of mynde . Than catche & hold while I may fast bind fast fynde . Blame me not to haste , for feare myne eie be blerde . And therby the fat cleane flyt fro my berde . Where wooers hoppe in & out , long tyme may bryng Hym that hoppeth best , at last to haue the ryng . I hoppyng without , for a ryng of a rushe . And whyle I at length debate and beate the bushe , There shall steppe in other men , & catche the burdes . And by longe tyme lost in many vayne wurdes Betwene these two wiuis , make slouth spede confound While betwene two stoles , my taile go to grounde . By this , sens we se slouth muste brede a skab , Best sticke to the tone out of hande , hab or nab . Thus all your prouerbs inuehyng agaynst haste , Be answerd with prouerbs plaine & promptly plaste . Wherby , to purpose all this no further fits , But to shew , so many hedds so many wits . Whiche shewe as surely in all that they all tell , That in my weddyng I may euen as well Tary to longe , and therby come to late , As come to soone by haste in any rate . And proue this prouerbe , as the words thereof go , Haste or slouth herein worke noth●● welth nor wo. Be it far or ny , weddyng is desteny , And hangyng lykewise , sayth that prouerbe , sayd I. Than wed or hang ( quoth he ) what helpth in the whole To haste or hang a loofe , happy man , happy dole . Ye deale this dole ( quoth I ) out at a wrong dur: For desteny in this case doth not so stur Agaynst mans indeuour , but man may direct His will , fore prouision to worke or neglect . But to shew that quick wedding may bryng good spede Somwhat to purpose , your prouerbs proue in dede . Howbeit , whether they counterpayse or out way The prouerbes , whiche I before them dyd lay , The triall therof we wyll lay a water , Tyll we trie more . For trying of whiche mater Declare all commoditees ye can deuyse , That by those two weddyngs to you can ryse .

¶ The fourth chapiter . I Will ( quoth he ) in bothe these cases streight show , What things as ( I think ) to me by them wil grow . And where my loue began there begyn will I. With this mayde , the peece peerelesse in myn eie . Whom I so fauour , and she so fauourth me , That halfe a death to vs a sonder to be . Affection eche to other dothe vs so moue , That well ny without foode we coulde liue by loue . For be I right sad , or right sicke , from her syght , Her presence absenteth all maladies quyght . Whiche seen , and that the great ground in mariage Standth vpon lykyng the parties personage , And than of olde prouerbs in openyng the packe , One shewth me openly in loue is no lacke . No lacke of lykyng , but lacke of lyuyng , Maie lacke in loue ( quoth I ) and brede yll cheuyng . Well as to that ( saied he ) harke this o thyng , What tyme I lacke not her , I lacke nothyng . But though we haue nought ) nor nought we can geat God neuer sendeth mouthe , but he sendeth meat . And a harde begynnyng maketh a good endyng . In space comth grace , and this further amendyng . Seldom comth the better , and lyke will to like . God sendth colde after clothes . And this I pike . She , by lacke of substance semyng but a sparke , Steynth yet the stoutest . For a leg of a larke Is better than is the body of a kyght . And home is homely , though it be poore in syght . These prouerbs for this parte shew such a flourishe , And then this partie dothe delite so nourishe , That much is my bow bent to shoote at these marks , And kyl feare . when the sky falth we shal haue larks . All perils that fall may , who feareth they fall shall , Shall so feare all thyng , that he shall let fall all , And be more frayd than hurt , if the thyngs wer doone . Feare may force a man to cast beyonde the moone . Who hopeth in gods helpe , his helpe can not sterte . Nothyng is impossible to a willyng herte . And will may wyn my herte , herein to consent , To take all thyng as it comthe , and be content . And here is ( quoth he ) in mariyng of this mayde , For courage and commoditee all myne ayde . Well saied ( saied I ) but a while kepe we in quenche All this case , as touchyng this poore yong wenche . And nowe declare your whole consideracion , What maner thyngs draw your imaginacion , Toward your weddyng of this widow ryche & olde . That shall ye ( quoth he ) out of hande haue tolde .

¶ The fyfte chapiter . THis wydowe beyng foule , and of fauour yll , In good behauour can veraie good skyll . Pleasauntly spoken , and a veraie good wyt , And at her table , whan we togither syt , I am well serued , we fare of the best . The meate good and holsome , and holsomly drest . Swete and softe lodgyng , and thereof great shyft . This felte and sene , with all implementes of thrift , Of plate and money suche cupbordes and cofers , And that without peyne I may wyn these profers , Than couetyse bearyng Venus bargayn backe , Praisyng this bargain , saith , better leaue than lacke . And gredynesse , to drawe desire to this lore , Saieth , that the wise man saieth , store is no sore . Who hath many pease maie put the mo in the pot . Of two yls , chose the least while choyse lyth in lot . Sens lacke is an yll , as yll as man may haue , To prouide for the worst , while the best it selfe saue . Resty welth wylth me this wydow to wyn , To let the worlde wag , & take myne ease in myne yn . He must nedes swym , that is holde vp by the chyn . He laugth that wynth . And this threde finer to spyn , Maister promocion saieth , make this substance sure , If ryches bryng ones portly countenaunce in vre , Than shalt thou rule the rost all rounde about . And better to rule , than be ruled by the rout . It is saied : be it better be it wurs , Doo ye after hym that beareth the purs . Thus be I by this , ones le senior de graunde , Many that commaunded me , I shall commaunde . And also I shall to reuenge former hurts , Hold their noses to grinstone , and sit on their skurts , That erst sat on myne . And ryches may make Frends many ways . Thus better to gyue than take . And to make carnall appetite content Reason laboreth wyll to wyn ng1 consent , To take lacke of beautie but as an eye sore . The faire and the foule , by darke are lyke store . As this prouerbe saieth , for quenchyng hot desyre , Foule water as soone as fayre , wyl quenche hot fire . Where gyfts be gyuen freely , est west north or south , No man ought to loke a geuen hors in the mouth . And though hir mouth be foule , she hath a faire taile , I constre this text , as is moste myne auaile . In want of white teeth and yelow heares to behold , She flourisheth in white syluer and yelow gold . What though she be toothlesse and balde as a coote ? Hir substance is shootanker , wherat I shoote . Take a peyne for a pleasure all wise men can . What , hungry doggs will eat d●rty puddyngs man . And here I conclude ( quoth he ) all that I knowe By this olde wydow , what good to me may grow .

¶ The sixt chapiter . YE haue ( quoth I ) in these conclusions founde Sundry thyngs , that veraie sauerly sounde . And bothe these long cases , being well vewde In one short question , we maie well inclewde Whiche is , whether best or wurst be to be ledde With ryches , without loue or beautie , to wedde : Or with beautee without rychesse for loue . This question ( quoth he ) inquerth all that I moue . It doth so ( sayd I ) and is nerely couched . But th answere wil not so breuely be touched . And your selfe , to length it , taketh direct trade . For to all reasons , that I haue yet made , Ye seme more to seke reasons howe to contende , Than to the counsell of myne to condiscende . And to be playne , as I must with my freende , I perfitly feele euen at my fyngers eende . So hard is your hand set on your halpeny : That my reasonyng your reason setteth nought by . But reason for reason , ye so styffely ley By prouerbe for prouerbe , that with you do wey , That reason onely shall herein nought moue you To here more than speake . wherfore I wil proue you With reason , assisted by experience . Whiche my selfe sawe , not long sens nor far hence . In a matter so like this fashond in frame , That none can be liker , it semthe euen the same . And in the same , as your selfe shall espy Eche sentence soothed with a prouerbe . welny , And at ende of the same , ye shall cleerely see Howe this short question shortly answerd maie bee . Ye mary ( quoth he ) now ye shoote ny the pricke . Practise in all , aboue all toucheth the quicke . Profe vpon practise , must take holde more sure , Than any reasonyng by gesse can procure . If ye bryng practise in place , without fablyng , I will banishe bothe haste and busy bablyng . And yet that promise to performe is mickell . For in this case my tong must oft tickell . Ye knowe well it is , as telth vs this olde tale , Meete , that a man be at his owne bridale . If he wyue well ( quoth I ) meete and good it were . Or els as good for hym an other were there . But for this your bridale I meane not in it , That silence shall suspend your speche euery whit , But in these mariages , whiche ye here meue , Sens this tale conteinth the counsell I can geue , I wold se your eares attende with your tong , For aduise in bothe these weddyngs olde and yong . In whiche heryng , tyme seene when & what to talke , When your tong tyckleth , at will let it walke . And in these brydales , to the reasons of ours , Marke myne experyence in this case of yours .

¶ The .vii. chapiter . Within few yeres past , from London no far waie , Where I & my wife , with our poore houshold laie , Two yong men were abydyng , whom to discriue were I , in portraying persons dead or aliue , As counnyng and as quicke , to touche theim at full , As in that feate I am ignorant and dull , Neuer coulde I paynte , their pictures to allow , More lyuely , than to paynt the picture of yow . And as your thre persons shew one similitewd , So shew you thre one , in all thyngs to be vewd . Lyke wise a widowe and a mayd there did dwell , Alyke lyke the wydow and mayde ye of tell . The frends of theim foure in euery degree , Standyng in state as the frendes of you three . Those two men , eche other so hasted or taried , That those two women on one daie they maried . Into two houses , whiche next my house dyd stande , The one on the right , thother on the left hande . Both brydegromes bad me , I coulde do none other , But dyne with the tone , and sup with the tother . He that wedded this widow riche and olde , And also she , fauourd me so , that they wolde Make me dine or sup ones or twise in a weke . This poore yong man and his make beyng to seke As oft , where they might eate or drinke , I them bad , Were I at home , to suche pittaunce as I had . Whiche commen conference suche confidence wrought In theim to me , that dede , worde , ne welny thought Chaunced among theim , what euer it weare , But one of the foure brought it streight to myn care . Wherby betwene these twayne , and their two wiues , Bothe for welthe and wo , I knew al theyr four liues . And sens the matter is muche intricate , Betwene syde and syde , I shall here separate All matters on bothe sydes , and than sequestrate , Thone syde , while thother be full reherste , in rate , As for your vnderstandyng maie best stande . And this yong poore couple shal come fyrst in hande . Who , the daie of weddyng and after , a while , Could not loke eche on other , but they must smile . As a whelpe for wantonnes in and out whipps , So plaied these tweyne , as mery as thre chipps . Ye there was god ( quoth he ) whan all is doone . Abyde ( quoth I ) it was yet but hony moone . The blacke oxe had not trode on his nor her foote . But er this branche of blys coulde reache any roote , The floures so faded , that in fiftene weekes , A man myght espie the chaunge in the cheekes , Both of this pore wretch , & his wife this pore wenche . Their faces told toies , the Totnam was turnd frenche And all their light laughyng turnd and translated Into sad syghyng , all myrth was amated . And one mornyng tymely he tooke in hande , To make to my house , a fleeuelesse errande . Haukyng vpon me , his mynde herein to breake . Whiche I would not see , tyll he began to speake . Praying me to here hym . And I saied , I wolde . Wherwith this that foloweth forthwith he tolde .

¶ The .viii. chapter . I Am now driuen ( quoth he ) for ease of my herte , To you , to vtter part of myne inward smerte . And the matter concerneth my wife and me . Whose fathers and mothers long sens dead be . But vncles , with auntes and cosyns , haue wee Diuers riche on bothe sides , so that we dyd see , If we had wedded , eche , where eche kynred wolde , Neither of vs had lackt , either siluer or golde . But neuer coulde suite , on either syde obtayne One peny , to the one weddyng of vs twayne . And sens our one mariyng or marryng daie , Where any of theim se vs , they shrinke awaie , Solemnly swearyng , suche as maie geue ought , While they & we lyue , of theim we get right nought . Nor nought haue we , nor no waie ought can we get , Sauyng by borowyng , tyll we be in det So far , that no man any more will vs lende . Wherby , for lacke we bothe be at our witts ende . Wherof no wonder , sens the ende of our good , And begynnyng of our charge , to gither stood . But wyt is neuer good tyll it be bought . Howbeit whan bought wits to best price be brought : Yet is one good forewyt worth two after wits . This payth me home lo , and full my foly hyts . For had I lookt afore , with indifferent eye , Though haste had made my thurst neuer so drye : Yet to drown this drought , this must I nedes thynk , As I wolde nedes brewe , so must I nedes drynk . The drynke of my bride cup I shulde haue forborne , Tyll temperance had tempred the taste beforne . I se nowe , and shall see whyle I am alyue , Who wedth or he be wise , shall dye er he thryue . He that will selle lawne , er he can folde it , He shall repent hym er he haue solde it . I reckned my weddyng a suger sweete spice , But reckners without their host must recken twice . And all though it were sweete for a weeke or twayne , Swete meate wil haue sowre sauce , I se now playne . Continuall penurie , whyche I must take , Telth me , better eye out than alwaie ake . Boldly and blyndly I ventred on this , How be it , who so bolde as blynde bayard is ? And herein to blame any man , than shulde I raue . For I dyd it my selfe : and selfe do , selfe haue . But a daie after the fayre , comth this remors , For relefe : for though it be a good hors That neuer stumbleth , what praise can that auouche To iades , the breke their necks at first tryp or touche . And before this my first foile or breakneck fall , Subtilly lyke a shepe thought I , I shall Cut my cote after my cloth . Whan I haue her . But now I can smell , nothyng hath no sauer . I am taught to know , in more haste than good speede , How iudicare came into the Creede . My carefull wife in one corner wepeth in care , And I in an other , the purse is threde bare . This corner of our care ( quoth he ) I you tell , To craue therin your comfortable counsell .

¶ The nynthe chapiter . I Am sory ( quoth I ) of your pouertee , And more sory that I can nat succourye . If ye stur your nede myne almesse to stur , Than of trouth ye beg at a wrong mans dur. There is nothyng more vayne , as your selfe tell can , Than to beg a breeche of a barearst man . I come to beg nothyng of you , quoth he , Saue your aduise , whiche maie my best waie be . How to wyn present salue , for this present sore . I am like thyll surgeon ( saied I ) without ●●ore Of good plasters . Howbeit suche as they are , Ye shall haue the best I haue . But fyrst declare , Where your & your wiues riche kynsfolke do dwell . Enuyronned about vs ( quoth he ) which shewth well , The nere to the churche , the ferther from god . Most parte of theim dwell within a thousand rod . And yet shall we catche a hare with a taber , As soone as catche ought of them , and rather . Ye plaie coleprophet ( quoth I ) who takth in hande , To knowe his answere before he doo his errande . What shulde I to them ( quoth he ) flyng or flyt , An vnbidden geast knoweth not where to syt . Shame drawth me backe , beyng thus forsaken . Tushe man ( quoth I ) shame is as it is taken . And shame take him the shame thinkth , ye thinke none . Vnmynded , vnmoned , go make your mone . Well ( quoth he ) if I shall nede this viage make , With as good will as a beare goth to the stake , I will streight waie anker and hoise vp saile . And thitherward hie me in haste like a snaile . And home agayne hitherward quicke as a Bee . Nowe for good lucke , cast an olde shoe after mee . And fyrst to myne vncle , brother to my father . By suite , I will assaie to wyn some fauer . Who brought me vp , and tyll my weddyng was don Loued me , not as his nephew , but as his son . And his heyre had I been , had not this chaunced , Of landes & gooddes , which shuld me much auanced . Trudge ( quoth I ) to hym , and on your marybones , Crouche to the grounde , and not so ofte as ones , Speake any one worde hym to contrary . I can not tell that ( quoth he ) by seynt Mary . I knowe not howe I shall be pryckt to speake . Well ( quoth I ) better is to bowe than breake . Sens ye can nought wyn , yf ye can not please , Best is to suffer . For of suffrance comth ease . Cause causeth ( quoth he ) and as cause causeth me , So will I doo . And with this awaie went he . Yet whether his wyfe should go with hym or no , He sent hir to me to knowe er he wolde go . Wherto I saied , I thought best he went alone . And you ( quoth I ) to go streight as he is gone , Among your kynsfolke likewise , if they dwell ny . Yes ( quoth she ) all round about euen here by . Namely an aunte , my mothers syster , who well ( Sens my mother died ) brought me vp from the shell . And much wold haue giuen me , had mi wedding grown Vpon hir fansy , as it grewe vpon myne own . And in likewise myne vncle her husband , was A father to me . Well ( quoth I ) let pas . And if your husband will his assent graunte , Go , he to his vncle , and you to your aunte . Yes this assent he graunteth before ( quoth she ) For he or this thought this the best waie to be . But of these two thynges he wolde determyne none Without aide . For two hedds are better than one . With this we departed , she to her husband , And I to dyner to theim on thother hande .

¶ The tenth chapiter . Whan dyner was doon , I cam home agayne , To attende on the returne of these twayne . And er three houres to ende were fully tryde , Home came she fyrst , welcom ( quoth I ) and wel hyde . Ye a shorte horse is soone corryd ( quoth shee ) But the weaker hath the worse we all daie see . After our last partyng , my husband and I Departed , eche to place agreed formerly . Myne vncle and aunte on me dyd loure and glome . Bothe bad me god spede , but none bad me welcome . Their folkes glomd on me to , by whiche it appereth , The yong cocke croweth , as he the olde hereth . At dyner they were , and made ( for maners sake ) A kynswoman of ours , me to table take . A false flattryng fylth , and if that be good , None better to beare two faces in a hood . She speaketh as she wolde crepe into your bosome . And whan the meale mouth hath won the bottome Of your stomake , than will the pikthanke it tell To your moste enmies , you to bie and sell . There is no mo suche tytifils in Englands grounde , To holde with the hare , and run with the hounde . Fyre in the tone hande , and water in the tother , The makebate bereth betwene brother and brother . She can wynk on the yew , and wery the lam , She maketh ernest matters of euery flymflam . She must haue an ore in euery mans barge . And no man chat ought in ought of her charge . Colle vnder canstyk she can plaie on both hands , Dissimulacion well she vnderstands . She is lost with an appull , and woon with a nut . Her tong is no edge toole , but yet it will cut . Hir chekes are purple ruddy like a horse plumme . And the bygge part of hir body is hir bumme . But littell tit all tayle , I haue herde er this , As high as two horseloues hir persone is . For priuy nyps or casts ouerthwart the shyns , He shall lese the maystry that with her begyns , She is , to turne loue to hate , or ioye to grefe A paterne , as mete as a rope for a thefe . Hir promise of frendshyp , for any auayle , Is as sure to holde , as an eele by the tayle . She is nother fishe nor fleshe nor good red hearyng . She maie doo muche there , and I therby fearyng She wolde spit her venym , thought it not euyll To set vp a candell before the deuyll . I clawd her by the backe in waie of a charme , To do me , not the more good , but the lesse harme . All that dyner tyme we syttyng to gether , Aboue all , with her I made fayre wether . Praying her in her eare , on my syde to holde , She therto swearyng by her false faith , she wolde . Streight after dyner myne aunte had no choyce , But other burst , or burst out in pylats voyce . Ye huswife , what wind blowth ye hyther thus right ? Ye might haue knokt or ye came in , leaue is lyght . Better vnborne then vntaught , I haue herde saie , But ye be better fed than taught far awaie . Not veraie fat fed , saied this flebergebet , But nede hath no lawe , nede maketh her hither iet . She comth nece Ales ( quoth she ) for that is her name More for nede , then for kyndnes , payne of shame . Howbeit she can not lacke , for he fyndth that seekes , Louers lyue by loue , ye as larks lyue by leekes . Saied this Ales , muche more than half in mockage . Tushe ( quoth myne aunte ) these louers in dotage Think the ground beares them not , but wed of corage They must in all haste , though a leafe of borage Myght bye all the substaunce that they can sell . Well aunt ( quoth Ales ) all is well that ends well . Ye Ales , of a good begynnyng comth a good ende . Not so good to borow , as be able to lende . Nay in dede aunt ( quoth she ) it is sure so , She must nedes grant , she hath wrought hir own wo. She thought Ales , she had sene far in a mylstone , Whan she gat a husband , and namely such one , As they by weddyng coulde not onely nought wyn , But lose both lyuyng and loue of all theyr kyn . Good aunt ( quoth I ) humbly I beseche ye , My trespase done to you forgyue it me . I know & knowlage , I haue wrought myn own pein But things past my hands , I can not call agein . True ( quoth Ales ) things done , can not be vndoone , Be they done in due tyme , to late , or to soone . But better late then neuer to repent this . To late ( quoth myne aunt ) this repentance shewd is . Whan the stede is stolne , shut the stable durre . I tooke her for a rose , but she bredeth a burre . She comth to stycke to me now in her lacke , Rather to rent of my clothes fro my backe , Then to doo me one ferthyng wurth of good . I see daie at this little hole . For this bood Shewth what fruit wil folow . In good faith I saide In waie of peticion I sue for your aide . A well ( quoth she ) nowe I well vnderstande The walking staffe hath caught warmth in your hand A cleane fyngerd huswyfe and an ydel , folke saie , And will be lyme fyngerd I feare by my faie . It is as tender as a persons lemman . Nought can she doo , and what can she haue than ? She maie not beare a fether , but she must brethe , She maketh so muche of her paynted shethe . She thynkth her ferthyng good siluer I tell you . But for a ferthyng who euer dyd sell you Myght bost you to be better solde than bought . And yet thogh she be worth nought , nor haue nought Her gowne is gaier and better than myne . At her gaie gowne ( quoth Ales ) ye maie repyne . Howe be it as we maie we loue to go gaie all . Well well ( quoth myne aunte ) pride will haue a fall . For pride goeth before , and shame cometh after . Sure ( saied Ales ) in maner of mockyng laughter , There is nothyng in this worlde that agreeth wurs , Than dothe a ladies hert , and a beggers purs . But pride she shewth none , her looke reason alowth She lookth as butter wolde not melt in her mouth . Well the styll sow eats vp all the draffe Ales. All is not golde that glistreth by olde tolde tales . In youth she was towarde and without euyll , But soone ripe sone rotten , yong seynt olde deuill . How be it lo god sendth the shrewd cow short hornes . While she was in this house she sat vpon thornes . Eche one daie was three , tyll libertee was borow For one months ioy to bryng her holle lyues sorow . It were pitee ( quoth Ales ) she shulde myscary . For she is growne a goodly damsell mary . Ill weed growth fast Ales. wherby the corne is lorne . For surely the weed ouergroweth the corne . If I maie ( as they saie ) tell trouth without syn , Of trouthe she is a wolfe in a lambes skyn . Her herte is full hye , whan her eie is full lowe . A geast as good lost as founde , for all this showe . But many a good cowe hath an euyll calfe . I speake this doughter in thy mothers behalfe . My syster ( god rest her soule ) whom though I bost , Was cald the floure of honestee in this coste . Aunt ( quoth I ) I take for father and mother Myne vncle and you aboue all other . When we wold , ye wold not be our chyld ( quoth she . ) Wherfore now whan ye wold , now will not we . Sens thou woldst nedes cast a waie thy selfe thus , Thou shalte sure synke in thyne owne syn for vs . Thou arte in dede borne veraie ny of my stocke , And ny is my kyrtell , but nere is my smocke . I haue one of myne owne , whom I must loke to . Ye aunte ( quoth Ales ) that thyng must ye nedes do . Nature compellth you to set your owne fyrst vp . For I haue heard saie , it is a deere colup , That is cut out of thowne fleshe . But yet aunte , So smal maie hir request be , that ye maie graunt To satisfie the same , whiche maie doo her good , And you no harme in th auancyng your owne blood . And cosyn ( quoth she to me ) what ye wold craue , Declare , that our aunt may know what ye wold haue . Nay ( quoth I ) be they wynners or loosers , Folke say alwaie , beggers shulde be no choosers . With thanks I shal take what euer myn aunt please , Where nothyng is , a little thyng doth ease . And by this prouerbe appereth this o thyng , That alwaie somewhat is better than nothyng . Hold fast whan ye haue it ( quoth she ) by my lyfe . The boy thy husbande , and thou the gyrle his wyfe , Shall not consume that I haue laboured fore . Thou art yong inough , and I can worke no more . Kyt calot my cosyn sawe this thus far on And in myne aunts eare she whispreth anon Roundly these words , to make this matter whole . Aunt , leat theim that be a colde blowe at the cole . They shall for me Ales ( quoth she ) by gods blyst . She and I haue shaken handes . farewell vnkyst . And thus with a becke as good as a dieu gard , She flang fro me , and I from her hitherward . Beggyng of her booteth not the worth of a beane , Litle knoweth the fat sow , what the lean doth meane . Forsoth ( quoth I ) ye haue bestyrd ye well . But where was your vncle while all this fray fell ? A sleepe by ( quoth she ) routyng like a hog . And it is euill wakyng of a slepyng dog . The bitche and her whelp might haue been a sleep to . For ought they in wakyng to me would do . Fare ye well ( quoth she ) I will now home streyte . And at my husbands hands for better news weyte .

¶ The leuenth chapiter . HE came home to me the next daie before noone . What tidings now ( quoth I ) how haue ye doone ? Vpon our departyng ( quoth he ) yesterdaie Toward myn vncles , somwhat more than mydway , I ouertoke a man , a seruaunt of his , And a frende of myne . who gessed streight with this , What myne errand was , offeryng in the same , To do his best for me , and so in gods name . Thyther we went , no body beyng within , But myne vncle , myne aunte , and one of our kyn . A madde knaue , as it were a raylyng gester , Not a more gagglyng gander hense to Chester . At syght of me he asked , who haue we there ? I haue seen this gentylman , yf I wyst where . Howe be it lo , seldome sene , soone forgotten . He was ( as he will be ) somwhat cupshotten . Sixe daies in a weeke , beside the market daie , Malt is aboue wheate with hym , market men saie . But for as muche as I sawe , the same taunt Contented well myne vncle and myne aunt , And that I came to fall in , and not fall out , I forbare . or els his dronken red snout I wold haue made as oft chaunge from hew to hew , As doth the cocks of Inde . For this is trew . It is a small hop on my thomb . And Christ wot , It is wood at a woorde . little pot soone whot . Now mery as a cricket , and by and by , Angry as a waspe , though in bothe no cause why . But he was at home there , he myght speake his will . Euery cocke is proude on his owne dunghill . I shall be euen with hym herein whan I can . But he hauyng done , thus myne vncle began . Ye marchant , what attempth you , to attempt vs , To come on vs before the messanger thus . Romyng in and out , I here tell how ye tosse . But sonne , the rollyng stone neuer gatherth mosse . Lyke a pickpurs pilgrym , ye prie and ye proule At rouers , to robbe Peter and paie Poule . I I wys I knowe , er any more be tolde , That draff is your errand , but drynke ye wolde . Vncle ( quoth I ) of the cause , for whiche I com , I pray you paciently here the hole som . In feyth ( quoth he ) without any more sūmyng I know to beg of me is thy cummyng . For sooth ( quoth his man ) it is so in deede . And I dare boldly bost , yf ye knew his neede , ye wold of pytee yet set hym in some stey . Sonne , better be enuied then pitied , folke sey . And for his cause of pitee ( had he had grace ) He myght this daie haue been clere out of the case . But now he hath well fisht and caught a frog . Where nought is to wed with , wise men flee the clog . Where I ( quoth I ) dyd not as ye wyld or bad , That repent I oft , and as oft wyshe I had . Sonne ( quoth he ) as I haue herde of myn olders , Wishers and wolders be no good householders . This prouerbe for a lesson , with suche other , Not lyke ( as who seyth ) the sonne of my brother , But lyke myne owne sonne , I ofte before shewd the , To cast her quyte of , but it wolde not be . Whan I wyld the any other where to go , Tushe , there were no mo maydens but malkyn tho . Ye had been lost to lacke your lust , whan ye lyst , By two miles trudgyng twise a weke to be kyst . I would ye had kyst , well I will no more sturre , It is good to haue a hatche before the durre . But how is my saying come to passe now ? How oft dyd I prophecie this betwene you , And your gynyfinee nycebycetur , Whan swete sugar shulde turne to soure salt petur ? Wherby ye shulde in seyng , that ye neuer sawe . Thynke that you neuer thought . your selfe a dawe . But that tyme ye thought me a dawe . so that I Dyd no good in all my wordes than , saue onely Approued this prouerbe playn and true mater , A man may well bryng a horse to the water . But he can not make hym drynke without he will . Colts ( quoth his man ) may proue wel , with tatchis yl For of a ragged colt there comthe a good horse . If he be good now , of his yll past no forse . Well he that hangth hym selfe a sondaie ( saied he ) Shall hang styll vncut downe a mondaie for me . I haue hangd vp my hatchet , god spede hym well . A wonder thyng what thyngs these old thyngs tell . Cat after kynd good mouse hunt . And also Men sey , kynde wyll crepe where it can not go . These sentences to the I maie assyne By thy father , the said brother of myne . Thou folowist his stepps as ryght as a lyne . For when prouander pryckt him a lytle tyne , He dyd as thou didst . One , on whom he dyd dote , He wedded in haste , with whome he had no grote . And she as lytle with hym . wherby at last They bothe went a beggyng . And euen the like caste Haste thou . thou wilte beg or steale , or thou die , Take hede frende , I haue sene as far come as me . If ye seke to fynde thynges er they be lost , Ye shall fynde one daie you come to your cost . This doo I but repete , for this I tolde the , And more I say . but I coulde not than holde the. Nor wyll not holde the now : nor suche foly feele , To set at my herte , that thou settest at thy heele . And as of my good , er I one grote gyue , I wyll se how my wyfe , and my selfe shall lyue . Shall I make the laugh now , & my selfe wepe then ? Nay good childe , better childern wepe than old men . It is harde to wiue and thriue both in a yere . But by thy wyuyng , thryuyng doth so appere , That thou art past thryft , before thrifte begyn . But lo , will will haue will , though will wo wyn . Will is a good sonne , and will is a shrewde boy . And wilfull shrewde will hath wrought the this toy . A gentill white spurre , and at nede a sure speare . He standth now as he had a flea in his eare . How be it for any great courtesy he doth make , It semth the gentyll man hath eaten a stake . He beareth a dagger in his sleue , truste me , To kyll all that he meteth , prouder than he . Sir ( quoth his man ) he will no faute defende , But harde is for any man all fautes to mende . He is lyueles , that is fautles , olde folkes thought , He hath ( quoth he ) but one faute , he is nought . Helpe hym syr ( quoth his man ) sens ye easily maie . Two fals knaues nede no broker ( quoth he ) men saie , The one knaue now crouchith , while thother crauith But to shewe what shall be his releuauith , Either after my deathe , yf my will be kept , Or duryng my lyfe , had I this halle hept With golde , he maie his parte on good fryday eate , And fast neuer the wurs , for ought he shall geate . Nowe here is the doore , and there is the wey . And so ( quoth he ) farewell gentill Geffrey . Thus parted I from hym , beyng muche dismaied , Whiche his man saw , and ( to comfort me ) saied . What man , plucke vp your herte , be of good chere . After clouds blacke , we shall haue wether clere . What shuld your face thus agayn the woll be shorne For one fall ? What man al this wynd shakes no corne . Let this wynde ouerblow . a tyme I will spy , To take wynde and tyde with me , and spede therby . I thanke you ( quoth I ) but great boste & smal roste , Maketh vnsauery mouthes , where euer men oste . And this boste veraie vnsauourly serueth . For while the grasse groweth , the horse sterueth . Better one byrde in hande than ten in the wood . Rome was not bylt on a daie ( quoth he ) & yet stood Tyll it was fynysht , as some saie , full fayre . Your hert is in your hose all in dispayre . But as euery man saieth , a dog hath a daie . Shuld you a man , dispayre than any daie ? nay . Ye haue many stryngs to the bowe . for ye know , Though I , hauyng the bent of your vncles bow , Can no waie bryng your bolt in the butte to stande , Yet haue ye other marks to roue at , at hande . The kays hang not all by one mans girdill man . Though nought wil be woon here , I sey , yet ye can Taste other kynsmen , of whom ye maie geat , Here some and there some , many small make a great . For come lyght wynnyngs with blessyngs or curses , Euermore light gaynes make heuy purses . Children lerne to crepe er they can lerne to go . And little and little , ye must lerne euen so . Throwe no gyft agayne at the giuers head , For better is halfe a lofe then no bread . I maie beg my bread ( quoth I ) for my kyn all , That dwelth ny , Well , yet ( quoth he ) & the worst fall , Ye maie to your kynsman , hens nine or ten mile , Rich without charge , whom ye saw not of long while That bench whistler ( quoth I ) is a pinchepeny . As fre of gyft , as a poore man of his eye . I shall get a fart of a dead man as soone , As a farthyng of hym , his dole is soone doone . He is so hye in thynstep , and so streight laste , That pryde and couetise withdrawth al repaste . Ye knowe what he hath been ( quoth he ) but ywis , Absence saieth playnely , ye knowe not what he is . Men know ( quoth I ) I haue herde nowe and then , Howe the market gothe by the market men . Further it is saied , who that saying weyth , It must nedes be true , that euery man seyth . Men saie also , childerne and fooles can not ly . And both man and chylde saieth , he is a heynsby . And my selfe knowth hym , I dare boldly brag , Euen as well as the begger knowth his bag . And I knew hym , not worth a good grey grote . He was at an ebbe . though he be nowe a flote , Poore as the poorest . And now nought he setteth By poore folke . For the paryshe prieste forgetteth , That euer he hath been holy water clerke . By ought I can now here , or euer coulde marke , Of no man hath he pitee , or compassion . Well ( quoth he ) euery man after his fassion . He maie yet pitee you , for ought doth appere . It hapth in one houre , that hapth not in . vii . yere . Forspeake not your fortune , nor hyde not your nede . Noght venter noght haue spare to speke spare to spede Vnknowne vnkyst . it is lost that is vnsought . As good seke nought ( quoth I ) as seke & find nought It is ( quoth he ) yll fyshyng before the net . But though we get litle , dere bought and far fet Are deinties for ladies . Go we both too . I haue for my maister thereby to doo . I maie breake a dishe there , and sure I shall Set all at sixe and seuen , to wyn some wyndfall . And I will hang the bell about the cats necke . For I will fyrst breake , and ieobard the fyrst checke . And for to wyn this praie , though the cost be myne , Leat vs present hym with a bottell of wyne . That were ( quoth I ) as muche almes or nede , As caste water in Thems . or as good a dede , As it is to helpe a dogge ouer a style . Than go we ( quoth he ) we lese tyme all this while . To folowe his fansy , we went togither . And toward nyght yesternight when we cam thither , She was within , but he was yet abrode . And streight as she sawe me , she swelde like a tode . Pattryng the diuels pater noster to her selfe . God neuer made a more croked crabbed elfe . She bad hym welcome , but the wors for me . This knaue comth a beggyng , by me thought she . I smelde hir out , and had her streight in the wynde . She maie abyde no beggers of any kynde . They be bothe gredy gutts . all gyuen to get , They care not how . all is fyshe that comth to net . They know no ende of theyr good , nor begynnyng Of any goodnesse . suche is wretched wynnyng . Hunger droppeth euen out of bothe theyr noses . She gothe with broken shone and torne hoses . But who is wurs shod , than the shoemakers wyfe , With shops full of newe shapen shoes all her lyfe . Or who will doo lesse , than they that may doo moste . And namely of hir I can no waie make boste . She is one of theim , to whom god bad who . She will all haue , and will right nought forgo . She will not part with the paryng of hir nayles . She toyleth continually for auayles . Whiche lyfe she hath so long now kept in vre , That for no lyfe she wolde make chaunge , be sure . But this lesson lernde I , er I was yeres seuen , They that be in hell , wene there is none other heuen . She is nothyng fayre , but she is yll fauourd . And no more vnklenly , than vnswete sauourd . But hakney men saie , at mangy hakneys hyer A scalde hors is good ynough for a scabde squier . He is a knuckylbonyard veraie meete To matche a mynion nother fayre nor sweete . But a vengeable wyt , and all his delyte , To geue tauntes and checkes of most spitefull spite . In that house commonly suche is the cast , A man shall as soone breake his neck as his fast . And yet nowe suche a gyd dyd her head take , That more for my mates than for maner sake , We had bread and drynke , and a chese very greate . But the greattest crabs be not all the best meate , For her crabbed chese , with all the gretnesse , Myght well abyde the fynenesse or swetnesse . Anon he cam in . and whan he vs saw , To my companyon kyndly he dyd draw . And a welfauourd welcom to hym he yeelds , Byddyng me welcom straungely ouer the feelds . With these wordes . ah yong man I know your mater , By my faith you come to loke in my water . And for my comfort to your consolacion , Ye would , by my purs , gyue me a purgacion . But I am laxatiue ynough there otherwyse . This case ( quoth this yonge man ) contrary doth rise . For he is purs sycke . and lackth a phisicion . And hopeth vpon you in some condicion . Not by purgacion , but by restoratiue . To strength his weakenesse to kepe hym alyue . I can not ( quoth he ) for though it be my lot To haue speculacion , yet I practise not . I see muche , but I saie littell , and doo lesse . In this kynd of phisike . and what wolde ye gesse . Shall I consume my selfe , to restore hym now ? Nay , backare ( quoth Mortymer to his sow ) He can before this tyme , no tyme assyne , In whiche he hath laied downe one peny by myne . That euer might either make me bite or sup . And by r lady frend . nought ley down nought take vp . To put me to coste , thou canst halfe a score myles . Out of thyne owne nest , seke me in these out yles . Where thou wilt not step ouer a strawe , I thynke , To wyn me the worth of one draught of drynke . No more than I haue wonne of all thy holle stocke . I haue been common Iacke to all that hole flocke . Whan ought was to do , I was common hackney . Folke call on the hors that will cary alwey . But euermore the common hors is worste shod . Desert and reward be oft tymes thyngs far od . At ende I myght put wy wynnyng in myne iye , And see neuer the wors . for ought I wan theim by . And now without theim , I lyue here at staues ende . Where I nede not borow , nor I will not lende . I praie you ( quoth he ) pitee me a poore man With somwhat , tyll I maie worke as I can . Toward your work ( quoth he ) ye make such tastings As approue you to be none of the hastyngs , Ye ren to worke in haste as nyne men helde ye . But whan so euer ye to worke must yelde ye . If your meete mate and you meete together . Than shall we see two men beare a fether . Recompensyng former loytryng lyfe loose , As did the pure penitent that stale a goose , And stak downe a fether . And where olde folke tell . That euill gotten good neuer proueth well , Ye will truely get . and true gettyng well kepe , Tyll tyme ye be as riche as a newe shorne shepe . Howe be it whan thrift and you fell fyrst at a fray , You plaied the man , for ye made thrift ren away . So helpe me god , in my poore opynion , A man might make a plaie of this minyon . And fayn no ground , but take tales of his own frends , I suck not this out of myne owne fyngers ends . And sens ye wer wed , although I nought gaue you , Yet praie I for you , god and saint Luke saue you . And here is all . For what shulde I further wade ? I was nother of court nor of counsaile made . And it is as I haue lerned in lystnyng , A poore dogge . that is not worth the whistlyng . A daie er I was wedde , I badde you ( quoth I ) Scarbrough warnyng I had ( quoth he ) wherby , I kept me thens , to serue the accordyng . And nowe , if this nyghtes lodgyng and bordyng Maie ease the , and ryd me from any more charge , Than welcome . or els get the streyght at large . For of further rewarde , marke how I bost me . In case as ye shall yelde me as ye cost me , So shall ye cost me as ye yelde me lykewyse . Whiche is , a thyng of nought rightly to surmyse . Here withall his wyfe to make vp my mouthe , Not onely her husbands tauntyng tale auouthe , But therto deuiseth to cast in my teeth , Checks and chokyng oysters . And whan she seeth Hir tyme to take vp , to shew my fare at best , Ye se your fare ( saied she ) set your hert at rest . Fare ye well ( quoth I ) how euer I fare now . And wel mote ye fare bothe whan I dyne with yow . Come , go we hens frend ( quoth I to my mate ) And now will I make a crosse on this gate . For comyng here agayn . Haue we not well wrought ? Men say , as good plai for nought as work for nought Well well ( quoth he ) we be but where we were . Come what come wold , I thought er we came there . That yf the worst fell . we coulde haue but a naie , There is no harme doone man in all this fray . Neither pot broken , nor yet water spylt . Farewell he ( quoth I ) I wyll as sone be hylt , As wayte agayne for the moneshyne in the water . But is not this a praty pyked mater ? To disdeigne me , who muck of the world hordth not . As he doth , it may ryme but it accordth not . She fometh lyke a bore , the beast shuld seme bolde . For she is as fiers , as a lyon of cotsolde . She fryeth in her owne grease , but as for my parte , If she be angry , beshrew her angry harte . Let passe ( quoth he ) and let vs be trudgyng . Where some noppy ale is , and softe swete ludgyng . Be it ( quoth I ) but I wolde very fayne eate . At breakefast and dyner I eete lyttle meate . And two hungry meales make the thyrde a glutton . We went where we had boylde beefe & bake mutton . Wherof I fed me as full as a tunne . And a bed were we er the clocke had nyne runne . Early we rose , in haste to get awaie . And to the hostler this mornyng by daie This felow calde , what how felow , thou knaue , I praie the leat me and my felowe haue A heare of the dog that bote vs last nyght . And bytten were we both to the brayne aryght , We sawe eche other drunke in the good ale glas , And so dyd eche one eche other , that there was . Saue one , but olde men saie that are skyld , A hard foughten feeld , where no man scapeth vnkyld . The recknyng reckned , he needs wold pay the shot , And needs he must for me , for I had it not . This doone we shoke hands . and parted in fyne , He into his waie , and I into myne . But this iorney was quite out of my waie . Many kynsfolke and fewe frends , some folke saie . But I fynde many kynsfolke , and frende not one . Folke saie , it hath been saied many yeres sens gone . Proue thy frend er thou haue nede . but in dede , A freende is neuer knowne tyll a man haue nede . Before I had nede , my most present foes Semed my most frends . but thus the worlde goes , Euery man basteth the fat hog we see , But the leane shall burne er he basted be . As seyth this sentence , ofte and long saied before . He that hath plenty of goodes shall haue more . He that hath but a lytle , he shall haue lesse . He that hath ryght nought , ryght nought shall possesse . Thus hauing right nought . & wold somwhat obtayn , With ryght nought ( quoth he ) I am retornd agayne .

¶ The .xii. Chapiter . Wel ( quoth I ) comfort your selfe with this old text . That telth vs , when bale is hekst , boote is next . Though euery man maie not syt in the chayre . Yet alway the grace of god is woorth a fayre . Take no thought in no case , god is where he was . But put case in pouertee all your lyfe pas . Yet pouertee and poore degree , taken well , Feedth on this . he that neuer clymbde , neuer fell . And som case at some tyme shewth preefe somwheare , That riches bryngth ofte harme . and euer feare , Where pouertee passeth without grudge of greefe , What , man the begger may syng before the theefe . And who can syng so mery a note , As maie he , that can not chaunge a grote . Ye ( quoth he ) beggers may syng before theeues , And wepe before true men , lamentyng their greeues . Some saie , and I feele hungre perseth stone wall . Meate nor yet money , to bye meate withall , Haue I not so muche as maie hungar defende Fro my wyfe and me . Well ( quoth I ) god will sende Tyme to prouide for tyme , right well ye shall se God sende that prouision in tyme , saied he . And thus semyng welny wery of his lyfe , The pore wretche went to his like pore wretchid wife . And after this a monthe , or somwhat lesse , Theyr landlorde came to theyr howse to take a stresse For rent . to haue kept bayard in the stable . But that to wyn any power was vnable . For though it be yll playing with short daggers , Which meaneth , that euery wise man staggers , In earnest or boorde to be busy or bolde With his biggers or betters , yet this is tolde . Where as nothyng is , the kyng must lose his ryght . And thus , kyng or keyser must haue set them quyght . But warnyng to departe thens they nedyd none . For er the next day the byrds were flowne eche one , To seke seruyce . of which where the man was sped , The wyfe could not spede , but maugre her hed , She must seke els where . for either there , or ny Seruice for any suite she none could espy . All folk thought them not onely to lyther , To lynger both in one house to gyther , But also dwellyng ny vnder theyr wyngs , Vnder theyr noses , they myght conuey thyngs . Suche as were nother to heuy nor to whot , More in a month then they theyr master got In a whole yere . Wherto folke further weying , Receite eche of other in their conueying , Myght be worst of all . For this prouerbe preeues , Where be no receyuers , there be no theeues . Such hap here hapt , that common drede of such gyles , Droue them and kepeth them asonder many myles . Thus though loue decree , departure death to be , Yet pouertee parteth felowshyp we see . And dothe those two trewe louers so disseuer , That meete shall they seldwhan , or haply neuer . And thus by loue , without regarde of lyuyng , These twayn haue wrought eche others yll cheuyng . And loue hath so lost them the loue of theyr freends , That I thinke theim lost , and thus this tale eends .

The .xiii. chapiter . AH sir ( said my frend ) whan men will needs mary , I see nowe , howe wisedom and haste may vary . Namely where they wed for loue all togyther , I wold for no good , but I had come hyther . Swete beautee with soure beggery , naye I am gon , To the welthy wythred wydow , by seynt Iohn . What yet in all haste ( quoth I ) ye ( quoth he ) For she hath substaunce ynough . and ye se , That lack is the losse of these two yong fooles . Know ye not ( quoth I ) that after wyse mens schooles , A man shold here all parts , er he iudge any , Why axe ye that ( quoth he ) for this ( quoth I. ) I tolde you , when I this began , that I wolde , Tell you of two couples . and I hauyng tolde But of the tone , ye be streyght startyng awey , As I of the tother had ryght nought to sey . Or as your selfe of them ryght nought wold here , Nay not all so ( quoth he ) but syns I thynk clere , There can no way appere so paynfull a lyfe , Betwene your yong neybour & his olde ryche wyfe , As this tale in this yong poore couple doth showe , And that the moste good or leste yll ye knowe . To take at end , I was at begynnyng bent , With thanks for this , & your more payne to preuent , Without any more matter now reuolued , I take this matter here clerely resolued . And that ye herein awarde me to forsake , Beggerly beautee , & riuyld ryches take . That iust . if the half shall iudge the whole ( quoth I ) But yet here the whole , the whole wholly to try . To it ( quoth he ) than I praie you by and by . We will dine fyrst ( quoth I ) for it is noone hy . We maie as wel ( quoth he ) dine whan this is doone . The longer forenoone the shorter after noone . All comth to one , and therby men haue gest , Alwaie the longer east the shorter west . We haue had ( quoth I ) before ye cam , and syn , Weather , meete to sette paddocks abroode in . Rayn , more than enough . & whan al shrews haue dynd , Chaunge from foule wether to faire is oft inclind . And all the shrews in this parte , sauyng one wife , That must dine with vs , haue dind peyn of my life . Now if good chaunge of yll wether be dependyng , Vpon her diet , what wer myne offendyng , To kepe the woman any longer fastyng . If ye ( quoth he ) set all this farre castyng . For common wealth ▪ as it appereth a clere case , Reason wold your will shuld , and shall take place .

¶ Thus endeth the fyrst parte .

The seconde parte .

The fyrst chapiter . DIners can not be long , where deyntees want , Where coin is not common , commons must be scant . In poste pace we past from potage to cheese , And yet this man cryde , alas what tyme we leese . He wolde not leat vs pause after our repaste , But aparte he pluckt me streight , and in all haste , As I of this poore yong man , and poore yong mayd , Or more poore yong wife , the forsaid words had said , So praieth he me now the processe maie be tolde , Betwene the other yong man , and riche widow olde . If ye lacke that ( quoth I ) awaie ye must wynde , With your holle errand , and half th answer behynde . Which thing to do , sens haste therto shewth you loth , And to haste your goyng , the daie awaie goth , And that tyme loste , agayne we can not wyn , Without more losse of tyme this tale I begyn . In this late old wydow , and than old new wyfe , Age and appetite fell at a strong stryfe . Hir lust was as yong , as hir lyms were olde . The daie of hir weddyng , lyke one to be solde . She set out her selfe in fine aparell . She was made like a beere pot , or a barell . A croked hoked nose , beetyll browde , bleare eyde . Many men wishte , for beautifying that bryde , Hir waste to be gyrd in , and for a boone grace , Some well fauourd visor , on hir yll fauourd face . But with visorlike visage , suche as it was , She smyrkd , and she smylde , but so lisped this las , That folke might haue thought it done onely alone , Of wantonnesse . had not her teeth been gone . Vpryght as a candell standeth in a soket , Stoode she that daie , so sympre de coket , Of auncient fathers she toke no cure nor care . She was to theim , as koy as a crokers mare . She toke th entertaynment of the yong men All in dalyance , as nyce as a nuns hen . I suppose that daie hir eares might well glow . For all the towne talkt of hir , hye and low . One sayde , a well fauourd olde woman she is . The deuyll she is , said an other , and to this , In came the thyrde , with his . v. egges , and sayde , Fyfty yere ago I knewe hir a trym mayde . What euer she were than ( sayd one ) she is now , To become a bryde , as meete as a sow To beare a saddle . She is in this mariage As comely as is a cowe in a cage . Gup with a galde backe gill , come vp to souper . What myne olde mare wolde haue a newe crouper . And nowe myne olde hat must haue a new band . Well ( quoth one ) glad is he that hath hir in hand . A goodly mariage she is , I here saie . She is so ( quoth one ) were the woman away . Well ( quoth an other ) fortune this moueth . And in this case euery man as he loueth . Quoth the good man , whan that he kyst his cowe . That kys ( quoth one ) doth wel here , by god a vowe . But how can she gyue a kysse sowre or sweete ? Hir chyn and hir nose , within halfe an ynche meete . God is no botcher syr , saied an other . He shapeth all partes , as eche parte maie fitte other . Well ( quoth one ) wysely , let vs leaue this skannyng . God spede theim . be as be maie is no bannyng . That shal be , shal be . and with gods grace they shall Doo well . And that they so maie , wyshe we all . This wonder ( as wonders last ) lasted nine daies . Which done , & all gests of this feast gon theyr waies , Ordinary householde this man began Very sumptuousely , whiche he might well doo than , What he wold haue , he might haue . his wife was set , In suche dotage of hym , that fayre wordes dyd fet , Gromelsede plentee . and pleasure to prefer , She made muche of hym , & he mockt muche of her . I was as ( I saied ) muche there , and moste of all The fyrst month . in which time such kindnes did fall , Betwene these .ii. counterfaite turtle burds . To see his sweete looks , and here her swete wurds , And to thynke wherfore they bothe , put bothe in vre , It wolde haue made a hors breake his halter sure . Al the fyrst fortnight theyr ticking might haue tought , Any yong couple , their loue ticks to haue wrought . Some laught . & seyd , al thyng is gay that is greene . Som therto said , the grene new brome swepith cleene But sens al thyng is the wors for the wearyng , Decay of clene sweepyng folke had in fearyng . And in dede , er .ii. monthes awaie were crept , And her byggest baggs into his bosome swept , Where loue had appeerd in hym to her alwaie Hotte as a toste , it grew cold as a kaie . He , at meate caruyng hir , and none els before , Now carued he to all but hir , & hir no more . Where hir words seemd hony , by his smylyng chere , Now are they mustard . he frowneth them to here . And whan she sawe swete sauce begyn to waxe sowre , She waxt as sowre as he , and as well coulde lowre . So turned they theyr tippets by waie of exchaunge , From laughyng to louryng , & taunts did so raunge , That in playne terms , playne truth to you to vtter , They two agreed , lyke two catts in a gutter . Mary sir ( quoth he ) by scratchyng and bytyng Catts and dogs come togither . by folks recityng , Togyther by the eares they come ( quoth I ) cherely . How be it those words are not voyde here clerely , For in one state they twayne could not yet settyll . But waueryng as the wynde . in docke out nettyll . Now in now out , now here now there , now sad , Now mery , now hye now lowe , nowe good now bad . In whiche vnstedy sturdy stormes streynable . To know how they bothe were irrefreynable , Marke how they fell out , and how they fell in . At th ende of a supper she dyd thus begyn .

The seconde chapiter . HVsband ( quoth she ) I wold we were in our nest . Whan the bely is full , the bones wold be at rest . So soone vpon supper ( sayd he ) no question , Slepe maketh yll and vnholsome digestion . By that diete a great disease ons I gat . And burnt chylde fyre dredth . I will beware of that . What a post of physyk ( seyd she ) ye a post . And from post to piller wyfe , I haue been tost By that surfet . And I feele a litle fit , Euen nowe . by former attemptyng of it . Wherby , except I shall seeme to leaue my wyt , Before it leaue me , I must nowe leaue it . I thanke god ( quoth she ) I neuer yet felte payne , To go to bed tymely . but rysyng agayne To soone in the mornyng , hath me displeased . And I ( quoth he ) haue been more diseased , By early lying downe , than by early rysyng . But thus differ folke lo , in exercysyng . That that one maie not , an other maie . Vse maketh mastry . and men many tymes saie , That one loueth not , an other doth , which hath sped , All meates to be eaten , and all maydes to be wed . Haste ye to bed now , and ryse ye as ye rate . Whyle I ryse early , and come to bedde late . Long lying warme in bed is holsome ( quoth she ) While the leg warmeth , the boote harmeth ( quoth he ) Well ( quoth she ) he that dooth as moste men doo , Shal be leste wondred on . and take any twoo , That be man and wyfe in all this holle towne , And moste parte togyther , they ryse and lye downe . Whan byrds shall roust ( quoth he ) at . viii.ix . or ten , Who shall appoynt their houre . the cocke , or the hen . The hen ( quoth she ) the cock quoth he ) iust ( quoth she ) As Iermans lips . It shal proue , more iust ( quoth he ) Than proue I ( quoth she ) the more foole far awaie . But there is no foole to the olde foole , folke saie . Ye are wise enough ( quoth he ) yf ye kepe ye warme , To be kepte warme , and for none other harme . Nor for muche more good , I tooke you to wedde . I toke not you ( quoth he ) nyght and daie to bedde . Hir carreyne carkas ( saied he ) is so colde , Bycause she is aged , and somwhat to olde , That she kylth me . I do but rost a stone . In warmyng hir . And shall not I saue one , As she wold saue an other ? yes by seynt Iohne . A syr ( quoth she ) mary this geare is alone . Who that worst may shal holde the candyll , I se . I must warme bed for hym shuld warme it for me . This medicine , thus ministred is sharpe and colde . But al thyng that is sharpe is short . folk haue tolde , This trade is nowe begun , but yf it holde on , Then farewell my good days . they will be sone gone . Gospell in thy mouth ( quoth he ) this strife to breake . How be it , all is not gospell that thou dooest speake , But what nede we lumpe out loue at ones lashyng , As we shuld now shake hands . what soft for dashyng . The fayre lasteth all the yere . we be new kneet . And so late met , that I feare , we parte not yeet , Quoth the baker to the pillory . Whiche thyng From distemperate fonding temperance maie bryng . And this reason to ayde , and make it more strong , Olde wise folke saie , loue me lyttle loue me long . I saie little ( saied she ) but I thynke more . Thought is fre . Ye lean ( quoth he ) to the wrong shore . Braulyng booted not , he was not that night bent . To plaie the bridegrome , Alone to bed she went . This was their begynnyng of iar . How be it , For a begynnyng , this was a feate fyt , And but a fleabytyng to that dyd ensew . The worst is behynde . we com not where it grew . Howe saie you ( saied he to me ) by my wyfe . The diuell hath caste a bone ( sayd I ) to set strife Betwene you , but it were a foly for me , To put my hande betweene the barke and the tre . Or to put my fynger to far in the fyre . Betwene you , and lay my credence in the myre . To medyll lytle for me it is best . For of lytle medlyng there comth great rest . Yes ye may medyll ( quoth he ) to make hir wise , Wythout takyng harme , in gyuyng your aduise . She knowth me not yet , but yf she wax to wylde , I shall make her know , an olde knaue is no chylde . Sluggyng in bed with hir is wors then watchyng , I promyse you , an old sack asketh muche paschyng . Well ( quoth I ) to morow I will to my beades , To pray , that as ye both wyll , so ake your heades . And in meane tyme my akyng hed to ease , I wyll couch a hogs hed . Quoth he when ye please . We parted , and this within a daie or twayne , Was raakt vp in thashes , and couerd agayne .

¶ The thyrde chapiter . THese .ii. daies past , he sayd to me , whan ye will Com chat at home . al is wel . Iak shal haue gill . Who had the wors ende of the staffe ( quoth I now ? ) Shall the maister weare a breeche , or none . sey you . I truste the sow will no more so deepe wroote . But if she do ( quoth he ) you must set in foote . And whome ye see out of the waie , or shoote wyde , Ouershoote not your selfe any syde to hyde . But shoote out some wordes , yf she be to whot . She maie saie ( quoth I ) a fooles bolte is soone shot . Ye will me to a thanklesse office here . And a busy officer I maie appere . And Iak out of office she maie byd me walke . And thynke me as wise as Waltams calfe , to talke , Or chat of hir charge , hauyng therin nought to doo . How be it , if I se nede , as my parte comth to , Gladly betwene you I will doo my beste . I byd you to dyner ( quoth he ) as no geste , And bryng your pore neighbors on your other syde . I dyd so . And streight as th olde wife vs espide , She bad vs welcome . and merily toward me , Grene rushes for this stranger , strewe here ( quoth she ) With this a parte she pulde me by the sleue . Saying in few words , my mynde to you to meue , So it is , that all our great fraie the last nyght , Is forgeuen and forgotten betwene vs quight . And all fraies by this I trust haue taken ende . For I fully hope my husbande will amende . Well amended ( thought I ) whan ye bothe relent , Not to your owne , but eche to others mendment . Nowe if hope faile ( quoth she ) & chance bryng about Any suche breache , wherby we fall agayne out , I praie you tell hym his pars vers now and than . And wynke on me also hardly , if ye can Take me in any tryp . Quoth I , I am lothe , To meddle commonly . For as this tale gothe , Who medleth in all thyng , maie shoe the goslyng . Well ( quoth she ) your medlyng herein maie bryng The wynd calme betwene vs , whan it els might rage . I will with good will ( quoth I ) yll wynds to swage , Spend som wind at nede , though I wast wind in vayn . To table we sat , where fyne fare dyd remayn . Mery we were as cup and can coulde holde , Eche one with eche other homely and bolde . And she for hir parte , made vs chere heauen hye . The fyrst parte of diner mery as a pie . But a scalde head is soone broken . and so they , As ye shall streight here , fell at a newe fraie .

¶ The fourthe chapiter . HVsband ( quoth she ) ye study . be mery now . And euen as ye thynke now , so come to you . Nay not so ( quoth he ) for my thought to tell ryght , I thynke how ye lay gronyng wyfe , all last nyght . Husbande , a gronyng hors , and a gronyng wyfe , Neuer fayle theyr maister ( quoth she ) for my lyfe . No wyfe . a woman hath nyne lyues lyke a cat . Well my lambe ( quoth she ) ye may picke out of that , As soone gothe the yong lambskyn to the market , As th olde yews . God forbyd wyfe , ye shall fyrst iet . I will not iet yet ( quoth she ) put no doubtyng . It is a bad sacke that will abide no cloutyng . And as we ofte see , the lothe stake standeth longe , So is it an yll stake ( I haue herde amonge ) That can not stande one yere in a hedge . I drynke ( quoth she ) Quoth he , I will not pledge . What nede all this . a man may loue his house well , Though he ryde not on the ridge , I haue herde tell . What , I wene ( quoth she ) proferd seruice stynkth . But somwhat it is , I se , whan the cat wynkth , And bothe her eyen out , but further stryfe to shonne , Let the cat wynke , and leat the mous ronne . This past , and he chered vs all . but moste chere , On his part , to this fayre yong wyfe dyd appere . And as he to her caste ofte a louyng iye , So caste hir husbande lyke iye , to his plate by . Wherwith in a great musyng he was brought . Frend ( quoth the good man ) a peny for your thought . For my thought ( quoth he ) that is a goodly dishe . But of trouth I thought , better to haue than wishe . What. a goodly yong wyfe , as you haue ( quoth he ) Nay ( quoth he ) goodly gylt gobblets , as here be . By r lady freends ( quoth I ) this maketh a show , To shewe you more vnnaturall than the crow . The crow thynkth her own byrds fairest in the wood . But by your woords ( except I wrong vnderstood ) Eche others byrds or iewels , ye doo weie Aboue your owne . True ( quoth the old wyfe ) ye sey . But my neighbours desyre rightly to measure , Comth of neede . and not of corrupte pleasure , And my husbands more of pleasure , than of nede . Olde fishe & yong flesh ( quoth he ) doth men best fede . And some sey , chaunge of pasture makth fat calues . As for that reason ( quoth she ) ronth to halues . As well for the cowe calfe as for the bull . And though your pasture looke bareynly and dull , Yet loke not on the meate , but loke on the man . And who so looketh on you , shall shortly skan , Ye may write to your frends , that ye are in helth . But all thyng maie be suffred sauyng welthe . An olde saied sawe , itche and ease , can no man please . Plentie is no deyntie . ye see not your owne ease . I see , ye can not see the wood for trees . Your lyps hang in your light . but this poore man sees Bothe howe blyndly ye stande in your owne lyght , And that you rose on your right syde here ryght . And might haue gon further , and haue faren wurs . I wote well I might ( quoth he ) for the purs , But ye be a baby of Belsabubs bowre . Content ye ( quoth she ) take the swete with the sowre . Fancy may boult bran , and make ye take it flowre . It will not be ( quoth he ) shulde I dy this houre , While this fayre flowre flourisheth thus in myne iye . Yes , it might ( quoth she , and here this reason why . Snowe is white and euery man lets it lye . And lieth in the dike and euery man lets it lye . Pepper is blacke And euery man doth it bye . And hath a good smacke And euery man doth it bye . Mylke ( quoth he ) is white but all men know it good meate . And lyeth not in the dyke but all men know it good meate . Inke is all blacke No man will it drynke nor eate . And hath an yll smacke No man will it drynke nor eate . Thy ryme ( quoth he ) is muche elder than myne , But myne beyng newer , is trewer than thyne . Thou likenest now , for a vayne auauntage , White snow to fayre youth , black pepper to foule age Whiche are placed out of place here by rood . Black ynke is as yl meate , as black pepper is good . And white mylke as good meat , as white snow is yll . But a milk snow whit smoth yong skin , who change wil For a pepper ynke blacke rough olde riueld face ? Though chaunge be no robbry for the changed case , Yet shall that chaunge rob the changer of his wyt , For who this case sercheth , shall soone see in yt , That as well agreeth thy comparison in these , As a lyke to compare in taste , chalke and chese . Or a like in colour to deme ynke and chalke . Walk drab walke . Nay ( quoth she ) walk knaue walk Saieth that terme , How be it syr , I , saie not so . And best we laie a strawe here , and euen there who . Orels this geare wyll brede a pad in the strawe . If ye hale this waie , I will an other waie drawe . Here is god in thambry ( quoth I ) Quoth he , naie , Here is the deuill in thorologe , ye maie saie . Sens this ( quoth I ) rather bringeth bale than boote , Wrap it in the clothe , and treade it vnder foote . Ye harpe on the stryng , that giueth no melody . Your tongs ron before your wits , by seynt Antony . Mark ye , how she hitteth me on the thumbs ( quoth he ) And ye taunt me tyt ouer thumb ( quoth she ) Sens tyt for tat ( quoth I ) on euen hand is set , Set the hares head agaynst the goose ieblet . She is ( quoth he ) bent to fo rs you perfors To know , that the grey mare is the better hors . She chopth logyk . to put me to my clargy . She hath one poynte of a good hauke , she is hardy . But wyfe , the first poynte of hawkyng is holde fast . And holde ye fast , I red you , lest ye be cast , In your own tourne . Nay she will tourne the leafe . And rather ( quoth I ) take as falth in the sheafe , At your hands . and let fall her hold . than be to bold , Nay , I will spit in my hands , and take better hold . He ( quoth she ) that will be angry without cause , Muste be at one , without amends . by sage sawes . Treade a worme on the tayle , & it must turne agayne . He taketh pepper in the nose , that I complayne Vpon his fautes , my selfe beyng fautlesse . But that shall not stop my mouth , ye maie well gesse . Well ( quoth I ) to muche of one thyng is not good . Leaue of this . Be it ( quoth he ) falle we to our food . But suffrance is no quittance in this dayment . No ( quoth she ) nor mysrecknyng is no paiement . But euen recknyng maketh long freends . my freend . For alwaie owne is owne , at the recknyngs eend . This recknyng thus reckned . and dyner ons doone , We three from theim twayn , departed very soone .

¶ The fyfte chapiter . THis olde woman , the next daie after this nyght , Stale home to me secretely as she myght . To talke with me , in secret counsell ( she sayed ) Of thyngs , whiche in no wyse myght be bewrayed . We twayne are one to many ( quoth I ) for men saie , Three maie keepe a counsell , if two be awaie . But all that ye speake , vnmete agayne to tell , I will saie nought but mum , and mum is counsell . Well than ( quoth she ) herein auoydyng all feares , Auoyd your children . smal pitchers haue wide eares . Whiche done ( she saied ) I haue a husband , ye know , Whom I made of nought , as the thing self doth show And for these two causes onely hym I tooke . Fyrst , that he for my loue , shulde louyngly looke , In all kyndes of cause , that loue ingender myght , To loue and cheryshe me by daie and by nyght . Secondly , the substance , whiche I to hym brought , He rather should augment than bryng to nought . But now my good shall bothe be spent , ye shall see , And it in spendyng soole instrument shall bee Of my distruction . by spendyng it on suche As shall make hym distroie me . I feare this muche . He maketh hauok . and setteth cocke on the hoope . He is so laueis , the stocke begynneth to droope . And as for gayne is deade , and laied in tumbe . Whan he should get ought , eche fynger is a thumbe . Eche of his ioyntes agaynst other iustles , As handsomly as a beare picketh muscles . He maketh his martes with marchantes lykely , To bryng a shillyng to nyne pence quickely . Flattryng knaues & queans a sort , beyond the mark . Hang on his sleue , & many hands make light wark . If he holde on a whyle , as he begyns , We shall se hym proue a marchant of eele skyns . A marchaunt , without either money or ware . But all be bugs words , that I speake to spare . Better spare at brym than at bottom , saie I , Euer spare and euer bare , saieth he , by and by . Spend , & god shall sende ( saith he ) saith th old balet . What sendth he ( saie I ) a staffe and a wallet . Than vp goth his staffe , to sende me aloufe . He is at thre words vp in the house roufe . He hath a nest of chekyns , whiche he dothe brood , That wil sure make his heare grow thorow his hood . And herein to grow ( quoth she ) to conclusyon , I pray your ayde , to auoyd this confusion . And for counsell herein , I thought to haue gon , To that cunnyng man , our curate sir Iohn . But this kept me back . I haue herd now and then , The greattest clerks be not all the wisest men . I thynk ( quoth I ) who euer that terme began , Was neither great clerke , nor the greatest wise man . In your rennyng from hym to me , ye roon Out of gods blissyng , in to the warme soon . Where the blind ledth the blinde , both fall in the dike . And blinde be we both , if we thynke vs his lyke . Folke show muche foly , whan thyngs shuld be sped . To ren to the foote , that may go to the hed , Syns he best can , and most ought to do it , I feare not , but he will , if ye will woo it . There is one let ( quoth she ) mo then I spake on , My husband and he be so great , that the ton Can not pisse , but the tother must let a fart . Choose we hym a party , then farwell my part . We shall so parte stake , that I shall lese the hole . Folk say of olde , the shooe wyll holde with the sole . Shall I trust hym then ? nay in trust is treason . But I trust you , and come to you this season , To here me , and tell me , what way ye thynk best , To hem in my husband , and set me in rest . If ye mynde ( quoth I ) a conquest to make Ouer your husband , no man maie vndertake To bryng you to ease , nor the matter amende . Except ye bryng him to weare a cocks combe at ende . For take that your husband were , as ye take hym . As I take hym not , as your tale wolde make hym , Yet were contencion lyke to doo nought in this , But kepe hym nought , & make hym wors than he is . But in this complaynt , for counsel quicke and clere , A few prouerbs for principuls , leat vs here . Who that maie not as they wolde , will as they maie . And this to this , they that are bounde must obaie . Foly it is to spurne against a pricke , To striue agaynst the streme , to winche or kicke Agaynst the hard wall . By this ye maie see , Being bounde to obedience , as ye bee , And also ouermatcht , suffraunce is your daunce . He maie ouermatche me ( quoth she ) perchaunce In strength of bodie , but my tung is a lym , To matche and to vexe euery veine of hym . Tong breaketh bone , it selfe hauyng none ( quoth I ) If the wynde stande in that doore , it standth a wry , The perill of pratyng out of tune by note , Telth vs , that a good be still is woorth a grote . In beyng your owne foe , you spyn a fayre threede . Aduise ye well , for here doeth all lye and bleede . Flee th attemptyng of extremitees all . Folke saie , better syt still , than rise and fall . And where the smalle with the great , can not agree , The weaker goth to the potte , we all daie see . So that alwaie the bygger eateth the beane . Ye can nought wyn , by any wayward meane . Where the hedge is lowest , men maie soonest ouer . Be silent . Leat not your tong ron at rouer . Sens by stryfe , ye maie lose , and can not wyn , Suffer . It is good slepyng in a whole skyn . If he chide , kepe you bill vnder wyng muet . Chattyng to chydyng is not worth a chuet . We se many tymes myght ouercomth ryght . Were not you as good than to say , the crow is whight . And so rather let fayre woords make fooles fayn . Than be plain without plites , & plant your own payn , For were ye as playne as Dunstable hye waie . Yet shulde ye that waie rather breake a loue daie , Than make one . thus though ye perfitly knew , All that ye coniecture to be proued trew . Yet better dissemble it , and shake it of . Than to broyd hym with it in earnest or scof . If he plaie falsehed in felowshyp , plaie ye , Se me , and se me not . the worst part to fle . Why thynke ye me so white lyuerd ( quoth she ? ) That I will be tong tied ? Nay I warrant ye . They that will be afrayde of euery farte , Must go farre to pisse . Well quoth I , your parte Is to suffre ( I saie . ) For ye shall preeue , Taunts appease not thyngs , they rather agreeue . But for yll company , or expence extreeme , I here no man doubte , so far as ye deeme . And there is no fyre without some smoke , we see . Well well , make no fyre , reyse no smoke ( said shee ) What cloke for the rayne so euer ye bryng me , My selfe can tell best , where my shoe doth wryng me , But as ye saie , where fyre is , smoke will appere . And so hath it doone . For I dyd lately here , How flek and his make , vse theyr secrete hauntyng , By one byrd , that in myne eare was late chauntyng . One swalow maketh not sommer ( saied I ) men saie , I haue ( quoth she ) mo blocks in his waie to laie . For further encrease of suspicion of yls , Besyde his iettyng in to the towne , to his gils . With caletts he consumeth hym selfe and my goods , Somtyme in the feelds , sometyme in the woods . Some here and se him , whom he hereth nor seeth not . But feelds haue eies , and woods haue eares . ye wot . And also on my maydes he is euer tootyng . Can ye iudge a man ( quoth I ) by his lookyng ? What , a cat maie looke on a kyng . ye know , My cats leeryng loke ( quoth she ) at fyrst show , Shewth me , that my cat gothe a catterwawyng . And specially by his maner of drawyng , To Madge my fayre mayde . for maie he come ny hir , He must nedes basse hir , as he comth by hir . He loueth wel sheeps flesh , that wets his bred in wul . If he leaue it not , we haue a crow to pull . He loueth hir better at the sole of the foote , Than euer he loued me at the herte roote . It is a foule byrd , that fyleth his owne nest . I wolde haue hym lyue as gods lawe hath exprest . And leaue leude tyckyng . he that will none yll do , Must do nothyng , that belongeth therto . To ticke and laugh with me , he hath laufull leeue . To that I saied nought , but laught in my sleeue . But whan she semed to me fixed in mynde , Rather to seke for that she was lothe to fynde , Then leue that sekyng , by which she might fynd ease . I fainde this fancy to feele how it wolde please . Wyll ye do well ( quoth I ) take peyne to watche hym . And if ye chance in aduoutry to catche hym , Then haue ye hym on the hyp , or on the hyrdell . Then haue ye his head fast vnder your gyrdell . Where your words now do but rub hym on the gall . That dede without words shal dryue him to the wal . And further than the wall , he can not go . But must submyt hym selfe . and if it hap so , That at ende of your watche , he gyltles appere , Than al grudge , growne by ielousy , taketh end clere . Of all folks I maie worst watche hym ( saieth she ) For of all folks him selfe most watcheth me . I shall as soone trie hym or take hym this waie , As dryue a top ouer a tyeld house , no naie . I maie kepe corners or holow trees with thowle , This seuen yeres , daie and night to watche a bowle , Before I shall catche hym with vndoubted euyll . He must haue a long spoone , shal eate with the deuyl . And the deuyll is no falser then is he . I haue ofte herde tell , it had nede to be A wyly mouse , that shuld breede in the cats eare . Shall I get within hym than ? naie ware that geare . It is harde haltyng before a cripple , ye wot . A falser water drynker there lyueth not . Whan he hunteth a doe , that he can not auow , All dogs barke not at hym , I warrant you . Namely not I , I saie , though , as I sayed , He somtyme , though seldome , by some be bewrayed . Close huntyng ( quoth I ) the good hunter alowth . But be your husband neuer so still of mowth , If ye can hunte , and will stande at receyte , Your mayde examinde , maketh hym open streyte . That wer ( quoth she ) as of my truth to make preefe , To axe my fellow , whether I be a theefe . They cleaue togither like burs . that waie I shall Pike out no more , than out of the stone wall . Then lyke ye not to watche hym for wyfe nor mayde . No ( quoth she . ) Nor I ( quoth I ) what euer I sayde . And I myslyke not onely your watche in vayne , But also yf ye tooke hym . what coulde ye gayne ? From suspicion to knowlege of yll . for sothe Coulde make ye do , but as the flounder dothe , Leape out of the frying pan into the fyre . And change from yl pein to wurs is worth smal hyre . Let tyme trie . tyme trieth trouth in euery dout . And deme the best , til tyme hath tried the trouth out . And reason saieth , make not two sorows of one . But ye make ten sorows , where reason maketh none . For where reason ( as I saied ) wylth you to wynke , ( Although all were proued , as yll as ye thynke ) Contrary to reason ye stampe and ye stare . Ye frete and ye fume , as mad as a marche hare . Without profe to his reprofe present or paste . But by suche reporte , as moste proue lies at laste . And here goth the hare awaie , for ye iudge all , And iudge the worst in all , or profe in ought fall . But blind men shold iudge no colours . by old sawes , And folk ofttimes are most blind in their own cause . The blynde eate many flyes . how be it the fansy , Of your blyndnesse comth not of ignorancy , Ye could tell a nother herein , the best way . But it is as folke dooe . and not as folke say , As ye can seeme wise in words , be wise in dede . That is ( quoth she ) sooner sayd than done , I drede ▪ But me thynkth your councell weyth in the whole , To make me put my fynger in a hole . And so by sufferaunce to be so lyther , In my howse , to ley fyre and tow togyther . But if they fyre me , some of them shall wyn More tow on their distaues , then they can well spyn . And the best of them shall haue both their hands full , Bolster or pyllow for me , be whose wull . I wyll not beare the deuyls sack , by saint Audry . For concelyng suspycyon of their bawdry . I feare false measures , or els I were a childe . For they that thynk none yll , ar sonest begylde . And thus though much water go by the myll , That the myller knoweth not of , yet I wyll Cast what maie scape . and as though I dyd fynde it , With the clak of my myll , to fyne meale grynd it . And sure or I take any rest in effect , I must banysh my maydes , such as I suspect . Better it be done than wysh it had bene doone . As good vndone ( quoth I ) as dooe it to soone . Well ( quoth she ) tyll sone , fare ye well , and this Kepe now as secret , as ye thynk meete is . Out at doors went she herewith . and herevpon In at dors cam he forthwith as she was gon . And , without any temprate protestacyon , Thus he began , in way of exclamacion .

The .vi. chapiter . OH what choyse may compare , to the deuyls lyfe , Lyke his , that hath chosen a deuyll to his wife . Namely suche an olde wytche , suche a mackabroyne , As euermore lyke a hog hangeth the groyne , On her husband . except he be hir slaue , And folow all fancyes , that she wold haue . This prouerbe proueth , there is no good accorde , Where euery man woulde be a lorde . Wherfore my wyfe wil be no lord , but lady . To make me , that shulde be hir lorde , a baby . Before I was wedded , and sens . I made recknyng ▪ To make my wyfe boow at euery becknyng . Bachelers bost , how they wil teche their wiues good , But many a man speaketh of Robyn hood , That neuer shotte in his bowe . Whan all is sought , Bachelers wiues , & maides children be well tought . And this with this , I also begyn to gather , Euery man can rule a shrewe saue he that hath her . At my wil I wend she wolde haue wrought , like wax . But I fynde and feele , she hath founde suche knakx . In hir bouget , and suche toies in hir hed , That to daunce after her pipe I am ny led . It is saied of olde , an olde dog byteth sore . But by god , th olde bitche byteth sorer and more . And not with teeth ( she hath none ) but with hir tong . If all tales be true ( quoth I ) though she be stong , And therby styng you , she is not muche to blame . For what euer you saie , thus goeth the fame , Whan folke fyrst saw your substance layd in your lap , Without your pein , with your wife broght by good hap Oft in remembrance of haps happy deuise , They wold saie , better to be happy than wyse . Not myndyng therby than , to depraue your wyt , For they had good hope , to see good profe of yt . But sens their good opinion therin so cooles , That they saie as ofte , god sendeth fortune to fooles . In that as fortune without your wyt gaue it , So can your wyt not kepe it whan ye haue it . Saieth one , this geare was gotten on a holy daie . Saieth an other , who maie holde that will awaie . This game from beginning , shewth what end is ment . Soone gotten soone spent , yll gotten yll spent . Ye are calde not onely to great a spender , To franke a gyuer , and as free a lender , But also ye spende gyue and lende , among suche , Whose lightnesse minisheth your honestee as muche , As your money , and muche they disalow , That ye bribe all from hir , that brought all to yow . And spende it out at doors , in spite of hir , Bycause ye wolde kill hir , to be quite of hir . For all kyndnesse of hir parte , that maie ryse , Ye shewe all th unkyndnesse ye can deuyse . And where reason and custome ( they saie ) afoords Alwaie to let the loosers haue theyr woords , You make hir a cookqueyn , and consume hir good . And she must syt lyke a beane in a monks hood . Bearyng no more rule , than a goose turd in tems . But at hir owne maydens becks , wynks , or hems . She must obeie those lambs , or els a lambs skyn , Ye will prouide for hir , to lap her in . This byteth the mare by the thumbe , as they sey . For were ye , touchyng condicion ( saie they ) The castell of honestee in all thyngs els . Yet shoulde this one thyng as their holle tale tels , Defoyle and deface that castell to a cotage . One crop of a tourde marrth a pot of potage . And some to this , crye , let hym pas , for we thynke , The more we stur a tourde , the wours it will stynke . With many condicions good , one that is yll , Defaceth the floure of all , and dothe all spyll . Nowe ( quoth I ) if you thynke they truely clatter , Let your amendement amende the matter . Half warnd half armd . this warning for this I show , He that hath an yll name , is halfe hangd . ye know .

¶ The .vii chapiter . Well saied ( saied he ) mary syr here is a tale , For honestee , meete to set the dyuell on sale . But nowe am I forst , a bead roll to vnfolde , To tell somwhat more to the tale I erst tolde . Grow this , as most part doth , I durst holde my lyfe , Of the ielousy of dame Iulok my wyfe , Than shall ye wonder , whan truth dothe define , Howe she can , and dothe here , bothe bite and whine . Fransy , heresy , and ielousy are three , That men saie hardly or neuer cured be . And all though ielousy nede not or boote not , What helpeth that counsell , if reason roote not . And in madde ielousy she is so farre gon , She thynkth I roon ouer all , that I looke on . Take good hede of that ( quoth I ) for at a worde , The prouerbe saieth , he that striketh with the sworde , Shal be striken with the scaberde . Tushe ( quoth he ) The diuell with my scaberde will not strike me , But my dame takyng suspicion for full preefe , Reporteth it for trouth , to the moste mischeefe . In words gold and hole , as men by wyt could wishe . She will lye as fast as a dogge will lycke a dishe . She is of trouth as fals , as god is trew . And if she chaunce to see me at a vew Kysse any of my maides alone , but in sporte , That taketh she in ernest ▪ after Bedleem sorte . The cow is wood . Hir tong ronth on patens . If it be morne , we haue a payre of matens . If it be euen , euensong . not latyn nor greeke , But englyshe , and lyke thutas in easter weeke . She beginneth , fyrst with a cry a leysone . To whiche she ringth a peale , a larom . suche one , As folk ring bees with basons . the world ronth on wheles . But except her mayde shewe a fayre payre of heles , She haleth hir by the booy rope , tyll her brayns ake . And bring I home a good dishe , good chere to make , What is this ( saith she ) Good meat ( saie I ) for yow . God a mercy hors , a pyg of myne owne sowe . Thus whan I se , by kyndnesse ease renewth not , And than , that the eie seeth not , the herte rewth not , And that he must nedes go , whom the diuel doth driue , Hir fo rs forsyng me , for myne ease to contriue , To leat her faste and freate alone for me , I go where mery chat , and good chere maie be . Much spend I abrode , which at home shuld be spent , If she wolde leaue controllyng , and be content . There lepte a whityng ( quoth she ) and lept in streite . Ye shall streight here ( quoth she ) a prety conceite . He maketh you beleue , by lyes leyde on by lode , My braulyng at home , maketh hym banket abrode . Where his bankets abrode , make me braule at home , For as in a frost , a mud wall made of lome Cracketh and crummeth in peeces a sonder , So melteth his money , to the worldes wonder . Thus maie ye se , to tourne the cat in the pan , Or set the cart before the hors , well he can . He is but little at home , the trewth is so . And forth with hym he will not let me go . And if I come to be mery where he is , Than is he mad . as ye shall here by this . Where he with gosseps at a banket late was , At whiche as vse is , he payde all . but let pas . I came to be mery . wherwith meryly , Proface . Haue among you blynde harpers ( sayd I. ) The mo the merier , we all daie here and se . Ye but the fewer the better fare ( saied he ) Then here were , er I came ( quoth I ) to many . Here is littell meate lefte , if there be any . And it is yll commyng , I haue harde say , To th end of a shot , and begynnyng of a fray . Put vp thy purs ( quoth he ) thou shalt none pay . And fray here shuld be none , were thou gon thy way . Here is , syns thou camst , to many feet a bed . Welcom when thou goest . thus is thyne errand sped . I come ( quoth I ) to be one here , if I shall , It is mery in halle , when berds wag all . What byd me welcom pyg . I pray the kys me . Nay farewell sow ( quoth he ) our lorde blys me From bassyng of beasts of beare bynder lane , I haue ( quoth I ) for fyne suger , fayre rats bane . Many yeres sens , my mother seyd to me , Hyr elders wold saie , it ys better to be An olde mans derlyng , then a yong mans werlyng . And god knowth , I knew none of this snerlyng . In my olde husbands days . for as tenderly , He loued me , as ye loue me slenderly . We drew both by one line . Quoth he , wold to our lord Ye had in that drawyng , hangd both in one corde . For I neuer meete the at fleshe nor at fyshe , But I haue sure a dead mans head in my dyshe . Whose best and my worst day , that wisht myght be , Was when thou dydst bury him , and mary me . If you ( quoth I ) long for chaunge in those cases , Wold to god he and you had chaunged places . But best I chaunge place . for here I may be sparde . And for my kynde comyng , this is my rewarde . Claw a chorle by thars , and he shiteth in my hande . Knak me that nut . much good doyt you al this band . Muste she not ( quoth he ) be welcome to vs all , Amonge vs all , lettyng suche a farewell fall ? But such carpenters , such chips . Quoth she folke tell , Suche lips , such letise . suche welcom , suche farwell . Thine own words ( quoth he ) thyn own welcom mard Well ( saied she ) whan so euer we twayn haue iard , My woords be pryed at narowly , I espye . Ye can see a mote in an other mans iye , But ye can not see a balke in your owne . Ye marke my woords , but not that they be growne . By reuellous rydyng on euery royle . Well ny euery daie a newe mare or a moyle . As muche vnhonest . as vnprofitable , Whiche shall bryng vs shortly to be vnable , To gyue a dog a lofe . as I haue oft sayde . Howe be it your pleasure maie no tyme bee denayde . But styll you must haue , both the fynest meate , Apparell , and all thyng that money maie geate , Lyke one of fonde fancy so fyne and so neate , That wold haue better bread than is made of wheate . The best is best cheape ( quoth he ) men saie clere . Well ( quoth she ) a man maie bie golde to dere , Ye nother care , nor welny caste what ye paie , To bye the derest for the best alwaie . But wyse men can saie , agaynst hewyng to hye , Hewe not to hye , lest the chyps fall in thyne iye . Measure is a mery meane , as this dothe show . Not to hy for the pye , nor to lowe for the crow . The difference betweene staryng , and starke blynde , The wyse man at all tymes to folowe can fynde . And ywis an auditour of a meane wyt , Maie soone accompt , though hereafter come not yet . Yet is he sure be the daie neuer so longe , Euermore at laste they ryng to euensonge . And where ye spend much , though ye spent but lickell , Yet littell and littell the cat eateth the flickell . Littell losse by length maie growe importable . A mouse in tyme , maie bite a two , a gable . Thus to ende of all thyngs , be we leefe or lothe , Yet lo the pot so longe to the water gothe , Tyll at the laste it comth home broken . Fewe woords to the wise suffise to be spoken . If ye were wise , here were ynough ( quoth she ) Here is ynough , and to muche , dame ( quoth he ) For though this appere a propre pulpet peese , Yet whan the foxe preacheth , than beware our geese . Thou woldest haue me hynch & pynch , like a snudge , Euery daie to be thy driuell , or thy drudge . Not so ( quoth she ) but I wold haue ye stur Honestly , to kepe the wulfe from the dur. Ofte saied the wise man , whom I erst dyd very , Better are meales many , than one to mery . Well ( quoth he ) that is answered with this . wyfe . Better is one monthes chere , than a churles hole life . I thynke it learnyng of a wyser lectour , To lerne to make my selfe myne owne exectour . Than spare for an other , that might wed the , As the foole , thy fyrst husbande . spared for me , And as for yll places , thou sekest me in mo , And in wors to . than I into any go . Wherby this prouerbe shewth the in by the weeke . No man wyll an other in the ouen seeke , Except that hym selfe haue been there before , God gyue grace thou hast been good . I saie no more . And wold haue the sai lesse . except thou couldst proue Suche processe , as thou slaunderously doest moue . For sclaunder perchaunce ( quoth she ) I not denye . It maie be a sclaunder , but it is no lye . It is a lye ( quoth he ) and thou a lyer . Wyll ye ( quoth she ) dryue me to touche ye nyer ? I rub the gald hors back till he winche , and yit . He wold make it seme , that I touche hym no whit . But I wot what I wot , though I few words make , Many kysse the childe for the nurces sake . Ye haue many godchyldren to looke vpone , And ye blesse theim all , but ye basse but one . This half shewth , what the holle meanth , that I meeue . Ye fet circumquaques to make me beleeue Or thynke , that the moone is made of a grene chese . And whan ye haue made me a loute in all these , It semeth ye wolde make me go to bed at noone . Naie ( quoth he ) the daie of dome shall be doone Er thou go to bed at noone , or nyght , for me , Thou art , to be playn and not to flatter the , As holsome a morsell for my comly cors , As a shoulder of mutton for a sycke hors . Thou makest me claw where it itcheth not . I wold Thy toung were coolde to make thy tales more cold . That aspine leafe , such spitefull clappyng hath bred , That my cap is better at ease than my hed . God sende that hed ( saied she ) a better nurs . For whan the hed aketh , all the body is the wurs . God graunt ( quoth I ) the hed and body bothe too , To nurs eche other , better than they doo , Or euer haue doone for the moste tymes paste , I brought to nurs both ( quoth she ) had not been waste , Margery good cowe ( quoth he ) gaue a good meele , But than she cast it downe agayne with hir heele . Howe can her purs for profyte bee delitefull ? Whose persone and propretees be so spitefull As are thyne . Sure a man were better begge , Or syt with a rosted appull , or an egge , Where his appetite serueth hym to bee , Than euery daie to fare lyke a duke with the. Lyke a duke , lyke a duck ( quoth she ) thou shalt fare , Except thou wilt spare , more than thou dost yet spare . Thou farest to well ( quoth he ) but thou art so wood , Thou knowst not who doth the harm , who doth the good Yes yes ( quoth she ) for all those wyse words vttred , I knowe on whiche syde my breade is buttred , But there will no butter cleaue on my breade . And on my breade any butter to be spreade , Euery promyse that thou therin doest vtter , Is as sure , as it were sealed with butter . Or a mouse tyed with a threede . Euery good thyng , Thou lettest euen slyp , like a wag halter slypstryng . But take vp in tyme , or els I protest , All be not abedde , that shall haue yll rest . Nowe go to thy derlyngs , and declare thy greefe . Where all thy plesure is . hop hoore , pype theefe ?

¶ The eyght chapiter . With this thens hopt she , wherwith o lord he cride What wretch but I , this wretchednes coud bide Howe be it in all this wo , I haue no wronge , For it onely is all on my selfe alonge . Where I shuld haue bridled hir fyrst with rough byt , To haue made hir chowe on the brydell one fyt , For likorous lucre of a little winnyng , I gaue hir the bridell at begynnyng . And nowe she taketh the brydle in the teeth , And runth awaie with it , wherby eche man seeth , It is ( as olde men right well vnderstande ) Ill puttyng a naakt sworde in a mad mans hande . She taketh such hert of gras , that though I maym hir , Or kill hir , yet shall I neuer reclaym hir , She hath ( they say ) been styffe necked euermore . And it is yll healyng of an olde sore . This prouerbe prophecied many yeres agone , It will not out of the fleshe , that bred in the bone . What chaunce haue I , to haue a wyfe of suche sorte , That will no faute amende , in earnest nor sporte , A small thyng amysse late I dyd espy . Whiche to make her mende , by a ieste meryly , I sayde but this , taunt tyuet wyfe , your nose drops . So it maie fall , I wil eate no browesse sops This daie . But two daies after this came in vre , I had sorowe to my sops ynough be sure . Well ( quoth I ) it is yll iestyng on the soothe . Soth bourd is no bourd , in ought that myrth dooth . Suche iests could not iuggle hir , were ought amys . Nor turne melancoly to myrth . for it is No playing with a strawe before an olde cat , Euery tryflyng toie age can not laugh at . Ye maie walke this waie , but sure ye shall fynde , The further ye go , the further behynde . Ye shoulde consyder , the woman is olde . And what for a whot worde . Sone whot , sone colde . Beare with them , that beare with you . & she is scand , Not onely the fayrest floure of your garlande , But also she is all the fayre floures therof . Will ye requite hir than with a tauntyng scof ? Or with any other kynde of vnkyndnesse ? Take hede is a fayre thyng . Beware this blyndnesse . Why will ye ( quoth he ) I shall folowe hir will ? To make me Iohn drawlache , or suche a snekebill . To bryng her solas , that bryngth me sorowe , By r lady , than we shall catche byrds to morow . A good wife makth a good husbande ( they saie ) That ( quoth I ) ye maie tourne an other waie . To make a good husbande , make a good wyfe . I can no more herein , but god stynt all stryfe . Amen ( quoth he ) and god a mercy brother , I will nowe mende this house , and payre an other . And that he ment of lykelyhod by his owne . For so apairde he that , er three yeres were growne , That little and little he decayde so long , Tyll he at length came to buckle and bare thong . To discharge charge , that necessarily grewe , There was no more water than the shyp drew . Suche dryfts draue he , from yll to wars and wars , Tyll he was as bare as a byrds ars . Money , and money worth , dyd so mysse hym , That he had not nowe , one peny to blysse hym . Whiche foreseene in this woman wisely waying , That meete was to staie somewhat for hir staying , To kepe yet one messe for Alyson in store . She kepte one bag , that he had not sene before . A poore cooke that maie not licke his owne fyngers . But about hir at home now still he lyngers . Not checker a boord , all was not clere in the coste , He lookt lyke one , that had beshyt the roste . But whether any secrete tales were sprynklyng , Or that he by gesse had got an ynklyng Of hir hoord . or that he thought to amende , And tourne his yll begynnyng to a good ende . In shewyng hym selfe a newe man , as was feet , That appered shortly after , but not yeet .

¶ The nynthe chapiter . ONe daie in their arbour , which stode so to myne , That I might , and did closely myn eare inclyne , And likewise cast myne eie to here and see , What they saied and dyd , where they could not se me . He vnto hir a goodly tale began , More lyke a wooer , than a weddyd man , As farre as matter therof therin serued , But the fyrst part from wordes of wooyng swerued . And stode vpon repentance , with submission , Of his former croked vnkynde condicion . Pray●●g hir , to forgeue and forget all free , And he forgaue hir , as he forgeuen wold bee . Louyng hir now , as he full depely swore , As whotly , as euer he loued hir before . Well well ( quoth she ) what euer ye now saie , It is to late to call agayne yesterdaie . Wyfe ( quoth he ) suche maie my diligence seeme . That th offence of yesterdaie I mai redeeme . God taketh me as I am , and not as I was . Take you me so to , and let all thyngs past pas . I praie the good wife , thynk I speke & thynk playne . What , he ronth far , that neuer turnth agayne . Ye be yong ynough to mende , I agree it . But I am ( quoth she ) to olde to see it . And mende ye or not , I am to olde a yeere . What is lyfe ? where lyuyng is extincte cleere . Namely at olde yeres of least helpe and moste nede . But no tale coulde tune you , in tyme to take hede . If I tune my selfe now ( quoth he ) it is fayre . And hope of true tune , shall tune me from dispaire . Beleue well and haue well . men saie . Ye . saied shee , Doo well and haue well . men saie also , we see . But what man can beleue , that man can doo well . Who of no man will counsell take or here tell . Whiche to you , whan any man any waie tryde , Than were ye deafe . ye coulde not here on that syde . Who euer with you any tyme therin weares , He must bothe tell you a tale and fynde you eares . You had on your haruest eares , thycke of heryng . But this is a question of olde enqueryng , Who is so deafe , or so blynde , as is hee , That wilfully will nother here nor see . Whan ye sawe your maner , my harte for wo , molte , Than wold ye mende , as the fletcher mends his bolt . Or as sowre ale mendthe in sommer , I know , And knew , whiche waie the wynde blew , & will blow . Though not to my profite , a prophete was I. I prophecied this , to true a prophecy . Whan I was right yll beleued , and worse harde . By flynging from your folkes at home , which al mard ▪ Whan I saied in semblaunce either colde or warme , A man far from his good , is nye his harme . Or wylde ye to looke , that ye loste no more , On suche as shew , that hungry flyes byte sore , Than wold ye loke ouer me , with stomake swolne , Lyke as the deuill lookt ouer Lyncolne . The deuill is deade wife ( quoth he ) for ye see . I loke lyke a lambe , in all your words to mee . Looke as ye lyst now ( quoth she ) thus lookt ye than , And for those lookes I shewe this , to shewe ech man , Suche profe of this prouerbe , as none is gretter , Which saith , that some man maie steale a hors better , Than some other maie stande and loke vpone . Leude huswiues might haue words . but I not one That might be alowde . But nowe if ye looke , In mystakyng me , ye maie see , ye tooke The wrong waie to wood , & the wrong sow by theare And therby in the wronge boxe to thriue ye weare . I haue herde some , to some tell this tale not feelde , Whan thr●ft is in the towne , ye be in the feelde . But contrary , you made that sence to sowne , Whan thryfte was in the feelde , ye were in the towne . Feelde ware might synke or swym , while ye had eny , Towne ware was your ware , to tourne the peny . But towne or feelde , where most thryfte dyd appere . What ye wan in thundred , ye lost in the shere . In all your good husbandry , thus ryd the rocke , Ye stumbled at a strawe , and lept ouer a blocke . So many kynds of encrease you had in choyce , And nought increase nor kepe , howe can I reioyce ? For as folke haue a saying , both olde and trew , In that they saie , blacke will take none other hew , So maie I saie here , to my deepe dolour , It is a bad cloth , that will take no colour . This case is yours . For ye were neuer so wise , To take specke of colour , of good aduise . Thaduise of all frends I saie , one and other Went in at the tone eare , and out at the tother . And as those words went out , this prouerbe in came . He that will not be ruled by his owne dame , Shall be ruled by his stepdame , and so yow , Hauyng lost our owne good , and owne frends now , Maie seke your foreyn frends . if you haue any , And sure one of my great greefes , amonge many , Is , that ye haue been so veraie a hog , To my frends . What man , loue me , loue my dog . But you , to cast precious stones before hogs , Cast my good before a sorte of curre dogs . And sawte bitches . Whiche by whom now deuoured , And your honestee amonge theim defloured , And that ye maie no more expence afoorde , Nowe can they not afoorde you one good worde . And you theim as fewe . And olde folke vnderstood , Whan theues fall out , true men come to their good . Whiche is not alwaie true . For in all that bretche , I can no ferthyng of my good the more fetche . Nor I trow theim selfes neither . if they were sworne . Lyght come lyght go . And sure sens we were borne , Ruine of one rauyn , was there none gretter . For by your gyfts , they be as little the better , As you be muche the worse . and I cast awaie . An yll wynde , that blowth no man to good , men saie . Wel ( quoth he ) euery wind blowth not down the corn I hope ( I saie ) good hap be not all out worn . I will nowe begyn thryft , whan thrifte semeth gone . What wyfe , there be mo waies to the wood than one . And I will assaie all the waies to the wood , Tyll I fynde one waie , to get agayne this good . Ye will get it agayn ( quoth she ) I feare , As shortely as a hors will lycke his eare . The douche man saieth , that seggyng is good cope . Good words bring not euer of good dedes good hope And these words shew your words spoken in scorne . It pricketh betymes that will be a good thorne . Tymely crookth the tree , that wil a good camok bee . And suche begynnyng suche ende . we all daie see . Now you by me at begynnyng beyng thriuen , And than to kepe thrift could not be prickt nor driuen Howe can ye now get thrifte , the stocke beyng gon ? Whiche is th onely thyng to reyse thryft vpon . Men saie , he maie yll renne , that can not go , And your gayn , without your stocke , renueth euen so . For what is a workeman , without his tooles . Tales of Robyn hoode are good among fooles . He can yll pype , that lackth his ouer lyp . Who lackth a stocke , his gayne is not woorth a chyp . A tale of a tub , your tale no truthe auowth , Ye speake nowe , as ye wolde creepe into my mowth . In pure peynted processe , as false as fayre , Howe ye will amende , whan ye can not appayre . But agaynst gaie glosers this rude text recites , It is not all butter , that the cowe shites . Your tale hath lyke taste , where temprance is taster , To breake my head , and than gyue me a plaster . Now thrifte is gone , now wold ye thryue in all haste . And whan ye had thryfte , ye had lyke haste to waste . Ye lyked than better an ynche of your wyll , Than an ell of your thrifte . Wyfe ( quoth he ) be styll . Maie I be holpe foorth one ynche at this pynche , I will yet thriue ( I saie ) As good is an ynche As an ell . Ye can ( quoth she ) make it so , well . For whan I gaue you an ynche , ye tooke an ell . Tyll both ell and ynche be gone , and we in det . Nay ( quoth he ) with a wet fynger ye can fet , As muche as maie easily all this matter ease , And this debate also pleasauntly appease . I coulde doo as muche with an hundred pounde now , As with a thousande afore , I assure yow . Ye ( quoth she ) who had that he hath not , wolde Doo that he dooth not , as olde men haue tolde . Had I , as ye haue , I wolde doo more ( quoth hee ) Than the preest spake of on sondaie , ye shulde see . Ye doo , as I haue ( quoth she ) for nought I haue , And nought ye do . What man , I trowe ye raue . Wolde ye bothe eate your cake , and haue your cake ? Ye haue had of me all that I might make . And bee a man neuer so greedy to wyn , He can haue no more of the foxe but the skyn . Well ( quoth he ) if ye lyst to bryng it out , Ye can geue me your blessyng in a clout . That were for my childe , ( quoth she ) had I ony , But husbande , I haue neither childe , nor mony . Ye cast and coniecture this muche lyke in show , As the blind man casts his staffe , or shootes the crow . Howbeit had I money right muche , and ye none , Yet to be playne , ye shulde haue none , for Ione . Naie , he that firste flattreth me , as ye haue doone . And dooeth as ye dyd to me after , so soone , He maie be in my Pater noster in dede . But be sure , he shall neuer come in my Crede . Aue Maria ( quoth he ) howe muche mocion Here is to praiers , with howe little deuocion . But some men saie , no peny no Pater noster . I saie to suche ( saied she ) no longer foster No longer lemman . But fayre and well than , Praie and shifte eche one for hym selfe , as he can . Euery man for hym selfe , and god for vs all . To those words he said nought , but forthwith dyd fall , From harping on that stryng , to fayre flattring spech . And as I erst saied , he dyd her so besech , That thyngs erst so far of , were nowe so far on , That as she maie walow , awaie she is gon , Where all that was lefte laie with a trusty frende , Dwellyng a good walke from hir at the towns ende . And backe agayn streight a haltyng pace she hobles . Bryngyng a bag of royals and nobles . All that she had , without restraynt of one iote . She brought bullocks noble . for noble or grote , Had she not one mo . Whiche I after well knew . And anon smylyng , towarde hym as she drew , A syr , lyght burdeyn far heuy ( quoth she ) This lyght burdeyn in long walke welny tierth me . God gyue grace , I playe not the foole this daie . For here I sende thaxe after the helue awaie . But yf ye will stynt , and auoyde all stryfe , Loue and cheryshe this as ye wolde my lyfe . I wyll ( quoth he ) wyfe , by god almyghty . This geare comth euen in puddyng tyme ryghtly . He snatcht at the bag . No hast but good ( quoth shee ) Short shootyng leeseth your game , ye maie see . Ye myst the cushyn , for all your haste to it . And I maie set you besyde the cushyn yit , And make ye wype your nose vpon your sleeue , For ought ye shall wyn without ye axe me leeue . Haue ye not herde tell , all couet all leese ? Ah syr , I se , ye maie see no greene chese , But your teeth muste water . A good coknay coke . Though ye loue not to bye the pyg in the poke , Yet snatche ye at the poke , that the pyg is in , Not for the poke , but the pyg good chepe to wyn . Lyke one halfe lost , tyll gredy graspyng gat it , Ye wolde be ouer the style , or ye come at it . But abyde frend , your mother byd tyll ye wer borne . Snatchyng wynth it not . if ye snatche tyll to morne . Men saie ( saied he ) long standyng & small offryng Maketh poore parsons . & in such signes & proffryng Many praty tales , and mery toys had they , Before this bag came fully from hir awey . Howbeit , at laste she tooke it hym , and sayde , He shulde beare it , for that it nowe heuy wayde . With good will wyfe . for it is ( sayde he to her ) A proude hors that wil not beare his own prouander . And ofte before seemed she neuer so wyse , Yet was she nowe , sodeynly waxen as nyse As it had been a halporth of syluer spoones . Thus cloudy mornyngs turne to clere after noones . But so nye noone it was , that by and by , They rose , and went to dyner louyngly .

¶ The tenthe chapiter . THis diner thought he long . & streight after that , To his accustomed customers he gat . With whome in what tyme he spent one grote before , In lesse tyme he spendth now , ten grotes or more . And in small tyme he brought the worlde so about , That he brought the bottom of the bag cleane out . His gaddyng thus agayne made hir yll content , But she not so muche as dreamd that all was spent . Howe be it sodeynly she mynded on a daie , To picke the chest locke , wherin this bag laie . Determynyng this . if it laie whole styll , So shall it lye , no myte she minyshe will . And if the bag began to shrynke , she thought best , To take for hir part , some parte of the rest . But streight as she had forthwith opened the locke , And lookt in the bag , what it was a clocke , Than was it proued true , as this prouerbe gothe , He that cometh last to the pot , is soonest wrothe . By hir comyng laste , and to late to the pot . Wherby she was potted , thus lyke a sot , To see the pot bothe skymd for rennyng ouer , And also all the lykour renne at rouer . At hir good husbands and hir next meetyng , The diuels good grace might haue geuen a greetyng . Eyther for honour or honestee as good As she gaue him : She was ( as they sai ) horne wood . In no place coulde she sitte , hir selfe to settyll . It seemd to hym , she had pyst on a nettyll . She nettlyd hym , and he rattled hir so , That at ende of that fraie , a sunder they go . And neuer after came togyther agayne . He turnde hir out at durs , to grase on the playne . And hym self went after . For within fortnyght , All that was lefte , was launched out quight . And thus had he brought haddock to paddock , Tyll they bothe were not now worth a haddock . It hath been sayde , nede maketh the olde wyfe trot . Other folke sayde it , but she dyd it . god wot . Fyrst from frende to frende , & than from dur to dur , A beggyng to some that had begged of hur . But as men saie , misery maie be mother , Where one begger is dryuen to beg of an other . And thus ware , and wasted this most woful wretche . Tyll death from this lyfe , dyd her wretchedly fetche . Her late husband , and now wydower , here and there Wandryng about few knowe , and fewer care where . Cast out as an abiect , he leadeth his lyfe , Tyll famyne by lyke , fet hym after his wyfe . Nowe let vs note here . Fyrst of the first twayne , Where they bothe wedded togyther , to remayne , Hopyng ioyfull presence shulde weare out all wo. Yet pouertee brought that ioye to ieofayle , lo. But notably note these last twayne where as hee Tooke hir onely , for that he ryche would bee . And she hym onely in hope of good happe , In hir dotyng daies to be daunst on the lappe , In condicion they differd so many waies , That lyghtly he layde hir vp for holy daies . Hir good he layde vp so , lest theues myght spie it , That nother she coulde , nor he can come by it . Thus failed all foure of all thyngs lesse and more , Whyche they all , or any of all , maryed fore .

The leuenthe chapiter . FOrsothe ( sayd my frend ) this matter maketh bost , Of dimmucion . For here is a myll poste Thwitten to a puddyng pricke so neerely , That I confesse me discouraged cleerely , In bothe my weddyngs , in all thyngs excepte one . This sparke of hope haue I , to procede vpone . Though these , and some other sped yll as ye tell , Yet other haue lyued and loued full well . If I shuld deny that ( quoth I ) I shulde raue . For of bothe these sorts , I grant , that my selfe haue Sene of the tone sorte , and herde of the tother . That lyked and lyued right well , eche with other . But whether fortune will you , that man declare . That shall choose in this choice , your comfort or care Sens , before ye haue chosen , we can not know , I thought to laie the worst , as ye the best show . That ye myght , beyng yet at libertee , With all your ioye , ioyne all your ieoperdee . And nowe this herde , in these cases on eche parte , I saie no more , but laie your hande on your harte . I hertily thanke you ( quoth he ) I am sped Of myne errande . This hitteth the nayle on the hed . Who that leaueth suretee , and leaneth to chaunce , Whan fooles pipe , by auctoritee he maie daunce . And sure am I , of those twayne , if I none choose , Although I nought wyn , yet shall I nought loose . And to wyn a woman here , and lose a man , In all this great wynnyng , what gayn wyn I than ? But marke how folly hath me awaie caried . Howe lyke a wethercock haue I here varied . Fyrst these two women to loose I was so lothe , That yf I myght , I wolde haue wedded them bothe . Than thought I sens , to haue wedded one of theim . And nowe knowe I clere , I wyll wed none of theim . They bothe shall haue this one answere by letter , As good neuer a whit as neuer the better . Now let me axe ( quoth I ) and your self answere The shorte question , that I asked whyle ere . Afoule olde riche widowe , whether wed wold ye , Or a yonge fayre mayde , beyng poore as ye be . In neither barrell better hearryng ( quoth hee ) I lyke thus , ryches as yll as pouertee . Who that hath either of these pygs in vre , He hath a pygge of the worse panier sure . I was wedded vnto my will . howe be it , I will be deuorst , and be wedde to my wit . Wherby with these examples paste , I maie see , Fonde weddyng , for loue , or good onely , to flee . Onely for loue , or onely for good , Or onely for bothe . I wedde not , by my hood . Thus no one thyng onely , though one thyng chiefly Shall woo me to wed now , for now I espy , Although the chiefe one thyng in weddyng bee loue , Yet must mo thyngs ioyne , as all in one maie moue Suche kynde of lyuyng , for suche kynde of lyfe , As , lackyng the same , no lacke to lacke a wyfe . Here is enough , I am satisfied ( sayde he . ) Sens enough is enough ( sayd I ) here maie we , With that one word take end good , as maie be geast . For folke say , enough is as good as a feast .

FINIS .

¶ IMPRINTED at London in Fletestrete by Thomas Berthelet prynter to the kynges hyghnesse .

Cum priuilegio ad imprimendum solum . ANNO. M.D.XLVI .