WHat , honest Nick ! Welcome into Sheppy . How fares the noble Knight , and all the true Trojans at home ?

I thanke God Sir , all well . My Master remembers his loue to your Worship , to you Master Vicar , and to all his friends in these parts .

We are much bound to him for his kinde remembrance ; but I wonder what winde driues you hither ? we may strew greene rushes for you ; I thinke you were neuer heere since Master Maior tooke his oath .

Sir , you are in the right , but such troublesome guests come soone enough , like foule weather , before they be sent for .

Nay say not so Nick , the worst dogge in your masters house cannot come vnwelcome to Queenborough .

That 's more of your kindnesse then our merit ; but I pray you what 's the reason the bowling greene is so emptie vpon so faire a day ?

Why man , there is a great Faire at Sittingburne , thither they are all gone , tag , rag , and long-taile .

Then I feare I am come at an ill time .

Why so ?

My master hath sent me for the pyde nagge , hee would haue him runne in Iames parke , lest hee spoile himselfe this drie season : besides , I haue appointed the Smith to bee heere in the afternoone . Now if the Castle-keeper bee gone to buy Hobby-horses too , I am in a faire case .

To put you out of doubt , vpon my knowledge he is ridde out , more then an houre and a halfe since .

Then it is likely to be darke night before he finde the way home .

Assure your selfe of that ; it is a forfeit for a Sheppy-man to come from a Faire till Sunne set .

See the ill lucke ; and the worst is , I know not how to spend the time all this liue-long day .

As if I haue not a good dish of Oysters , and a cold pye at home to hold you tacke .

Many thankes good Master Maior : but in very deed I brake my fast so well with our old Gardiner at Vpberry before I came out , that I shall haue little mawe to any meate till night .

Then what will you doe ?

On my little honestie I know not , vnlesse some good bodie would lende mee a Play-booke to make my worship laugh .

Faith Nick I doe not remember any such in my custodie , but our Searcher lent me a merry book which came to his hands the last weeke .

Sir , you meane that squibbing pamphlet against Sir Edward Hoby , which I borrowed of you yesterday morning .

The very same : I would you would take the paines to fetch it .

That labour shall be saued , we neuer parted companies since we met .

Now if you bee kinde gentlemen , let vs sit downe yonder , vpon a a Secretum & silentium magis disputationibus conuenit , ne sermo interp●ll●tur a tanta vltro citroque cunt●um hominum & frequent●● & sirepitu . Pennylesse Bench , and suruey it .

Agreed ; for I thinke wee shall haue no bodie in hast come to trouble vs .

What may the title of the booke bee ? and who is the Author ?

He may be Nicholas nemo , for ought I know , he discouers himselfe only by the marke of b b Conscia splend●nt●in formidat noctua solem . I. R.

I dare lay a good wager it is that Ishmael Rabshacheh , whom my Master so hampred in his Counter-snarle : my minde giues me it is the same Gurgullio , whose late arriuall makes him so much merriment .

Not vnlike : hee hath wonne the spurres for an arch-rayler . The most rauing , and brauing Paf-quil that euer I read . Had he gotten any prize by his last worke , you should haue now seene him out of his maskers sute : he stands close behinde his picture : if it passe currant , he will then peepe out , otherwise he will hide his head in a Bench-hole .

But is this the fashion of professed c c Illi saciem velant qui se pudenda dicere cognoscunt , fatentur se non dicenda dicere . Laur. Val. de volupt . lib. 3. Diuines , to broach Positions which they dare not justifie with the subscription of their names , and being namelesse themselues , to perbreake persons of note .

Doe you wonder at that ? As if old purse-takers will present themselues in their owne likenes without vizards , and scarfes .

Indeede that were the next way to the Gallowes ; but surely this kinde of cunning ioyned with so great scurrility ( which in my little view I discouered ) would make me shrewdly suspect their d d Non sic Phidias qui clypeo Mineruae imaginem suam insculpsit . sinceritie , who are so intemperate in their owne affections , and regardlesse of better mens credits .

This is the Catholike charitie , and soule-gaining patience practised now adayes ; but he is not without his shifts . That he concealeth his name , it is his e e Page 26. humilitie , as regardlesse of worldly respects . That hee is so tarte , it proceedeth from his zeale of the cause , not any hatred of the person .

In my opinion he needs not feare any great applause ▪ for the extraordinary skil of his work . T' is well if he scape in this learned age without reproof· But to make zeale the Patron for his f f A trimme Minion , one of a merry scoffing wit , Frier-like . Steph. Winton : against G. Ioy . page 2. personall trumps , is intollerable hypocrisie .

Could he shew any such sparkes of personall disdaine , flying from Saint Augustines penne , there were yet some little hope , that hee hath at least a dramme of that Primitiue Spirit : but you shall heare how he contradicts himselfe . g g Preface Dedicatorie . Saint Augustine ( saith he ) did endeauour to curbe the motions of anger , seeking to ouercome his Aduersaries , not by returne of iniurious reproaches , to disgrace their persons , but by cleare Demonstrations of the victorious truth .

Then is hee as like Saint Augustine , as an Owle to an Iuie bush .

And could hee single out no body but my Master to make the Anuill of his malice ? I doubt hee hath taken a wrong Sowe by the eare ; if his coate be not swingd ' well and thriftily , let me bee held for a sowced Gurnet .

Indeede it had beene the wiser way , first to haue beleguered the Castle which he formerly h h Mast . T. H. lost ; and had not either vaine hope of a second voluntarie lapse , or necessarie feare of some foule discouerie , diuerted his force , hee would rather haue followed the chase of his olde prey . Well , hee is not vnlike to haue some hornets about his eares : But for Sir Edward , hee hath passed his word to answere him with contempt .

Silence verily is fittest for a Gentleman of his place , vnlesse his aduersarie were of more worth then this Start-vp .

This was it that animated him ; the Knights i i Counters . pag. 68. Dormitabo secur'd his pen free passage without controll .

Nay , then I would my girdle might breake ; seeing he will wake a sleeping Lyon , as long as I can hold a Currie-combe in my hand , I will ferret his sides till he crie k k Pag. 199. Flebo .

I perceiue thou art true bred ; such a Whelp is fittest for this game : But how camest thou by thy Latin ?

Faith , I waited on a yong Gentleman , at Oxford , some three , or foure yeares , where I got a few broken ends together , enough to patch Rabsh . his Cox-combe with a Sternigogulus .

On my soule thou art a merrie grigge . I would not for the price of a good Breake-fast haue wanted thy companie in the reuiew of this discourse .

Perhaps you will say so , by that time wee haue done ; It shall goe hard if I find not Crotchets in this Beetle-head , to descant vpon his plaine song . But I long to heare the bookes name .

It is called Purgatories l l Doe not Owles harbour in the Barne of his braine ? Triumph ouer Hell .

What! Ishmael the Conqueror ? O victorious Rabshacheh . In what pompe art thou led to the Capitoll ?

Would you know how ? his Charriot is drawne with foure grisly Anticques : Sophistrie , Scurrilitie , Impudencie , and Hypocrisie , and attended with Falshood , Philosophie , Atheisme , and Idolatrie .

If he triumph after the old Roman maner , he must ( for the gaining of applause ) be very liberall in his gifts to the people .

Hee passeth for that of all that euer I knew . Here he flings a Rams horne , there a Tobacco pipe ; here hee bestowes a m m Mendacium ridiculum & morione dignum Black-more Girle of his owne taking ; there hee casts our Ladies Gloues . Asses are his ordinarie fauours ; and as for Wine , Suger , Honniè-sops , Greene Goslings , Cocatrices , Wood-cockes , Cockes egges , and Sallets , you would admire his lubberalitie .

Stop there good M. Vicar , Nickes teeth will water , if you talke of any more such Iunckets .

No not if hee gaue Quailes insteede of Wood-cockes ; these dainterils haue layen so long vpon his hands , that I feare me they are scarce sweete .

His last Treatise , ( if I be well aduised ) wherein hee began to fling at the Knight , was Christned , The ouerthrow of the Protestants pulpit Babels .

The Ouerthrow ? O Hercules ! They must bee Bables indeed if he bee able to moue them . What a braue Lad is this , that dreames of nothing but Ouerthrowes , and Triumphs ? No doubt hee rescued many Shauelings in this skirmish . T was pittie hee was not in England when my Lord De la Ware vndertooke his voyage : Then should his Lordship haue had no neede to haue stood to the curtesie of the two Vniuersities . Rabshacheh alone would haue soon brought those poore Sauages , vnder the belt of his Discipline . But had he not great lucke ( trow you ) to scape Cerberus his fanges , comming so neere the confines of Hell ?

And well worthie , for hee gaue the onset without a challenge , neither came he as a Merchant ( according to his colourable pretence ) with an o o Ibid. Oliue branch , towards the hauen of his fauour ; but as a man of Warre with a flagge of defiance , to batter the invincible Fort of the Knights reputation .

Nay by your leaue , Sr. Edward cast out his Gloue to any p p Letter to Mast . T. H. pag. 6. Romified Rennegado .

What was that to I. R. ? what needed hee haue fought as the Popes q q Frustra fatigando se nihil praeter odium quaerere , extremae est deme●tiae . Salust . Voluntarie , vnder those colours ? Had he such interest in the Title , that hee could not forbeare the Claime ?

As for that , it had beene pardonable , if in the confidence of his cause , hee had endeauoured to disable the Knights refutation of Purgatorie , by the Dint of argument : but to dart his Porcupine quills to blemish his credit , to snuffe at a Tobacco pipe , to iest with his sword , nay to make him a r r Pag. 49. 92. 127. Pedler to vent other mens patches , as it argueth rather an aking tooth , then a religious minde , so is it able to driue Sobrietie her selfe into an s s Preface . arring passion .

Had the Cumaean Virgin , I meane Discretion , beene his guide in that journey ; had the respect of the Knights honor , or desire of well-fare of his soule , beene superintendent in his thoughts , hee would haue found another way to the wood . 'T is strange Rhetorique to alienate his affections , whose Iudgments we labour to informe .

Had there not been some such pecuniary , or sinister ayme , I verily thinke Rabshacheh his pen had beene at a full period . Hee would haue accepted the Knights reasonable satisfaction , and endured a little showre , especially raised by the blustring windes of his owne distemper : hee would not haue prouoked the grimme Porter the second time , whom he found so fell at the first . Somewhat it is that makes him so bray in the eares of his supposed Cerberus , who was well contented to haue taken a nappe , and to let him passe without regard .

Yet would he make the world beleeue hee is so desirous of peace , that hee hath now out of the aboundance of his charity brought him a hony sop to stop his mouth . t t Mel in ore , verba lactu , fel in corde , fraus in factis .

Trust mee truly , hee comes ouer him with kindnesse ; this hony was not fetched from the Bees hiue , but from the Aspes hole , more like to stir choller then to procure rest .

This tricke he learned in his passage of Charon the Ferriman ; to looke towards peace with his face , and rowe towards discord with his pen . He sets out the u u Preface . Oliue branch for a signe , but his vessels are full of gall and wormewood within .

If we may take his owne word in his owne worke , it is the gentle sound of a solid answere , * * Preface . It is a purgatory sallet to purge his prophane humours , made of fiue medicinable hearbs , wherein he hath powred the oyle of charitable exhortations , mingled with the vineger of sharpe reprehension , yet so sparingly that it cannot be displeasing to his tast .

If hee had presented him with the iuice of Rue , and skymd hony , it had beene more proper for the dimnesse of his sight . It seemes he hath not been brought vp vnder an Apothecary , but rather in a Cookes shop , he is so cunning in dishing out this saucy Allegory .

What will ye say then to this ? I haue done my best to x x This Allegory was beaten in the mortar of malice , with the pestle of his pestilent wit . Ouerth . p. 52. quench the fire which flashed from the bramble bush of your distempered thoughts , not with cold water of a dull deniall , nor with the oyle of sinners , which might increase the flame , by soothing you in your errour , but with wine and sugar . I hope you will not taxe this to be broken-winded .

I promise you an excellent close . Had my master such a Skull in his kitchin , that would quench the fire with wine and sugar , the Vintners and Grocers would soone share his lands : his y y Pag. 27. patrimony would then be in a dangerous consumption indeed .

Nick , you are somewhat too quicke , his honest meaning is to bee accepted : yet if I haue any iudgement , hee is more elegant in one leafe of this booke ▪ then in all the other he wrote before .

Marry hee may thanke Sir Edward for that , whose phrases are so interlaced throughout the whole discourse , that Rabshacheh his stile may seeme to haue put on her holli-day coate .

The truth is , the poore man hath a very weake stomacke , hee casts vp whole periods as they went downe , without digestion or alteration .

If I were his Phisition , I would prescribe him a cup of wine and sugar next his heart , for what with his watching , weeping and z z Pag. 113. whipping , he hath a very bad stomacke , and a worse braine .

He ill deserues it , who measures other mens liquor , by the shallow panne of his owne wheeling skonce . If hee breake his fast with nymble-brained Wilson somewhat more liberally , hee strait fumbles in the mouth , and tumbles out a double a a Preface . foole in euery answere according to his simple folly .

He was not then mistaken that did Hierogliphick him by the name of Rabshacheh , which vpon long search he hath found to signifie b b Pag. 34. Multum Ebrius : as much to say , as Cozen German to Floud the Ignatian , who hath in his time made more razling Indentures , then the best Scriuener in Doway or St. Omers .

Yet as flustred as hee was , when his wench told him that he kissed like a Clowter , hee could text her with Labia Sacerdotis custodiunt sapientiam . And when shee pleaded that it went against her heart , he could protest by the faith of a Catholique , not to come within a c c Iust the length of a Tobacco Pipe . foote of her conscience .

It seemes indeed he speakes not by guesse like a Nouice , but as one beaten to the trade by experimentall proofe , when he saith , I know that the custome of men that are d d Pag. 56. tipled is , when they stagger themselues , to thinke that Churches , and the very heauens ree●e about them . Marke how feelingly he speakes euen of the thought .

Let him be what he will , this is no fit Court to draw his Inditement : hee will trauerse it with an Appeale ; Let vs rather heare how he bestirs himselfe for Purgatory .

Nay by your leaue Sir , his Apology touching the exceptions in the Counter-snarle must haue the precedence . This hath he cunningly in his first chapter prefixed to a worke ; by good probability , long studied , against the Knights first letter , some sixe yeares since directed to Mr. T.H.

Bee it as it list : seeing wee are come as Auditors to sitte vpon his account , let vs first see his charge , and then his discharge .

Indeed equity her selfe cannot prescribe a more indifferent course then this . There is great reason your fiat should stand in these praecincts .

No doubt he hath placed a Lion in the fore-front to make the better way , for the Marshalling of his weaker and more heartlesse troopes .

If he haue the least dramme of Rhetoricall Chiualry , he will be sure to put the best e e Mallem exercitum Ceruorum duce Leone , quam Leonum duce Ceruo . legge formost .

You are both wide ; in stead of a Lion , hee hath committed the conduct of his forces to Reynald the foxe , whom hee presents on his paper stage with a Target , to shield him from the imputation of vttering any thing to the Knights reproach .

It must be a nimble Foxe that can shift off so many palpable wrongs ; hee had neede haue his ioynts thoroughly annointed with the oyle of leazing .

Doubt you not that ; his poynts are well tagg'd with fraud . And first , as if hee ( good man ) meant nothing but pure deuotion , hee deplores the hard hap of his infortunate treatise , in falling vpon so vndeserued misconstruction , wishing that the few lines which concerned the Knight , had beene read by him when he was fasting .

Hee were a wise man would loose a good Breakfast , for better repast then I could euer discouer in his Larder . It seemes his booke is somewhat a kinne to an Apothecaries drugge , which requires the attendance of an houre-glasse , and a Spanish seruicio . Hee that dares not but allow a certaine number of Psalms in our Ladies Psalter to be read after supper , is angry if his owne lines bee perused when a man hath dined . If there bee any such danger in taking his receits vpon a full stomack , he should haue done well to prescribe both diet and time .

Vndoubtedly hee hath a reference to the wine and sugar , mentioned in his Preface , which liquor he saith the Knight loues well . This holy water runnes from his pen in such aboundance as if he had Bacchus his tunne for a Standish : hee dreames of no body but f f Pag. 94. Ennius , who in his merry veyne wrote more wise sentences , then euer issued from Rabshacheh his most sober thoughts ; heerein he displayeth his folly , or rather his malice , in the highest degree . But the best is , he is like to purchase as much thanks of the iudicious Reader , by this his iniurious scandall , as Sophocles his vngracious Sonnes got by traducing their old Father for a g g Quaes●●it num ill●d carmen desip●ntis ? Cato Maior . Dotard , and so vnfit for the management of his estate . The Knight is able to shew him more then a Tragedy to wipe away this blurre : where Malice is the prompter , you must imagine Impudency will deliuer a good euidence .

h h Math. 11.19 . Ecce potator vini , i i Act. 2.13 . 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 are no new inuentions , nor grounded truths : as if a Gentleman cannot drinke a cup of wine but hee must instantly be as wise as staring k k Iudic. 9.36 . Gaal . The Knight is of an affable , and pleasant disposition , yet hee comes not alwaies vp to Hilary Tearme . Vlisses was no Plough-man , though once for a priuate end he fained himselfe a Rusticke , and put his hands to the share . Cato was vpbraided for being all night in a l l Stapleton . Prompt . Moral . tauerne , but how did hee answere for himselfe ? You should relate ( quoth he ) how many daies before I spent at my booke , and neuer budg'd out of my study .

Ishmael cannot heare with that eare : Hee should haue shewed more discretion in shaping his credulous Censures , according to the prescript of this direction ; had he Itemd the lampe oyle , as well as hee summed the Spanish wine , his intruding curiosity would haue passed with lesse blame . Nemo omnibus horis sapit . Hee that is lumpish at his meales , will proue but a slug in his more serious affaires .

I am sure the old Frier was of your minde in this ; for handling those words m m Iohn 2.3 . Vinum non habent , He made his diuision thus . Here is first vinum , ibi optimus liquor . Secondly , non habent , ibi pessimus clamor .

Gra-mercy Nick , I perceiue thou hast not left all thy Latine shreads at home . But I would gladly know what the Knight mistooke in the perusall of his discourse that he should be thus charged with an inconsiderate suruey .

The Knight ( if you be remembred ) tooke it in ill part that hee was taxed by the Cecropidan for want of learning , wit , valour , and conscience , as also with the surplussage of selfe-conceit .

And can hee either blame the acceptance , or deny the cause , which is yet extant vnder his own hand ?

Yes , hee forsooth doth not simply derogate from the Knight in any of these , but comparatiuely matching them together , giues the precedence , where he thinks he had most cause . I did n n Pag. 2. diuide ( saith he ) the three degrees of comparison , betwixt your three most commendable qualities , Valour , Learning , Witte . I gaue the positiue to your valour ; The comparatiue I did assigne to your pen· To your wit I did reserue the superlatiue degree : my conceit did without fraude , sincerely aime at your praise . If I did o o Caecus non iudicat de coloribus . preferre your wit & Learning before your Valour , you haue no iust cause of offence .

Were there no more but this , it is more then common Ciuility can well warrant ; had hee not bin ill tutord hee might haue learned that comparisons are odious . Might not the Knights commendable qualities say vnto him , Quis te constituit iudicem inter nos ? The question de primatu was not allowable amongst the Disciples . In this case p p 1. Regum . c. 3. v. 26. diuidatur , shewes little care of the whole . The Poet might haue informed him , Quae non prosunt singula , iuncta iuuant : he that hath but an vnce of each of those former properties , wants not a graine of a worthy man . So that by sundring them he labours to lessen their esteem , and by disparaging that which he seemes to hold in highest regard , hee plainly nullifies the repute of the rest .

Hee that hath but halfe an eye , may easily perceiue his comparatiue praises , to be indeede priuatiue disgraces : as you may see by his q q Peiora nouissima primis . Comment vpon his owne text . For wheras he stiled the Knights booke an vnlearned Letter , he now explanes himselfe , that the want of r r Pag. 9. Philosophicall and Theologicall verities occasioned that censure . s s Pag. 11. The learning ( saith hee ) with w●nt whereof I charged your Letter , is neither Pernassian , nor Poeticall , nor Prophane , but Sacred , Holie and Deuine .

Is this the comparatiue degree wherewith hee dubs his pen ? Est aliquid prodire tenus : seeing Rabshacheh will afford no more , t is well wee haue this . But such a Boone is not like long to be enioyed . I feare Rabshacheh repents himselfe already of his seeming bounty ; For as if his pen had beene ouer lauish , hee doth interpret the Pernassian learning formerly acknowledged , to signifie t t Pag. 12. Fustian phrases , u u Pag. 15. nullity of iudgement without any mediocrity of Logicke , * * Pag. 13. a slippery veyne of writing , x x Pag. 36. impertinent and ridiculous annotations , y y Pag. 12. language that must haue a Parliament to naturalize it , z z Pag. 16. witlesse cauils , a a Pag. 169. babbling able to make learned mens heads ake , b b Pag. 126. speech not so wise as the braying of Balaams Asse , c c Pag. 2. agaudy stile , d d Pag. 36. a head blanke without matter , defiling , nay e e Pag. 4. loading his margent withall manner of impertinent stuffe , as f f Pag. 35. vulgar sentences , g g Ibid. triuiall verses , h h Ibid. childish authors , i i Pag. 127. reeling , tottering , and k k Pag. 35. ridiculous phrases , seruing only to wast inke and to blurre paper .

I promise you he hath mended the matter well , these milde censures are able to raise l l Pag. 2. fus of choler . Is this the Pern●ssian Lawrell with which hee is content to crowne my Masters temples ? Is this the tune which the m m Pag. 9. poeticall sisters sing in Apolloes quire ? then may the gingling of my Curry-combe passe currant for reasonable good melody . I easily beleeue hee went n n Ibid. young from Helicon , who can no better iudge of those Christall streames .

If a man should giue Floud this attribute , that he is o o Ibid. tam Philosophiae , quam theologiae peritus , which ( bearing a double construction ) may be warranted , albeit he haue beene scarce seasoned with the Principles of eyther Science , and so a Dullard in both : how could he but hold himselfe ill handled , if afterward the same party should tell him that he shewed more foolery then Philosophy , more Dunsery then Diuinity ? But the best is , ( as I heard the Knight once say ) he makes no more reckoning of his praise , in giuing him that hee had not , then of his dispraise , in taking from him that he had ; as hauing neither more nor lesse , for either of both .