CVFFE , where art thou ?

Heere at hand .

WHere is this Cuffe ?

Almost at your Elbow .

What ? doe you thinke I am afraid of your great words ? no , you shall know that there be men of fashion in place , as well as your selfe .

Good Band , doe not fret so .

A scurvie shag-ragge Gentleman , new come out of the North , a Punie , a Freshman , come vp hither to learne fashions and seeke to expell me ?

Nay : if you bee so broad with him , Band , we shall haue a fray presently .

He iustles B. and C. stayes him . Sir , I le pull downe you Coller from you .

It was fit time for mee to stay you vp , for I am sure you were a falling Band.

Well , Band , for all you are so stiffe , I le make you limber enough before I haue done with you .

No , Hodge Poker , it s more then you can doe .

Sfoot , let me come to him : well , Band , let mee catch you in another place , and I will make cut-worke of you .

Ther 's ne're a Spanish Ruffe of you all can doe it .

Well , Band , looke to thy selfe , for if I meet thee , I will lace thee roundly .

Lace me ? thou wouldest be laced thy selfe , Ruffe : for this is the very truth , thou art a plaine Knaue .

If they talke of lacing , I were best looke about my selfe .

Darest thou meet me in the field ?

In the field ? why ? thou art but an efminate fellow , Ruffe ; for all thou art so well set : but at what weapon ?

Nay , I will giue thee that aduantage , bring thou what weapons thou wilt , I scorne to make any thing of thee , Band , but needle-worke .

Sfoot , thou shalt know , a Gentleman and a Souldier scornes thy proffer .

A Souldier ?

Did you not heare of the great Bands went ouer of late ?

Where did you serue ? in the Lowe Countries ?

It may be so , for I am sure he is a Holland Band.

Where I haue serued , it is no matter : but I am sure I haue beene pressed oft .

Truely , his Landresse will beare him witnesse thereof .

Nay , bragger , it is not your great words can carie it away so ; giue Band but a hemme , and hee will be for you at any time , name the place , the time and houre of our meeting .

The place , the Paper-mills , where I wil teare thee into Rags , before I haue done with thee : the time , to morrow in the after-noone about one : but doe you heare ? wee will fight single , you shall not be double , Band.

Now I perceiue , the Spaniard and the Hollander will to it roundly .

But doe you heare ? once more doe not say at our next meeting you forgot the time .

No , I dare warrant you , there is no man more carefull of the time then he : for I am sure he hath alwayes at the least a dozen Clockes about him .

Farewell then .

Then farewell .

Nay , you shall not part so , you will go into the fieldes , and know not what fighting meanes : a couple of white liuered fellowes , your Landresse will make you both as white as a clout if shee list ; If you lacke beating , shee 'l beate you , I le warrant you , shee 'l so clap your sides together , that they shall bee beaten out in once or twice handling ; why ? I haue known her leaue her markes behinde her a whole weeke after , shee ll quickely beate you Blacke and Blew , for I am sure shee 'll scarce wash white before shee starch .

Well , remember the time and place , Ruffe .

Well , remember your selues and Mistris Stitchwel , one to whom you haue beene both beholding in your dayes .

Who ? Mistris Stitchwell , by this light I know her not .

No , nor you neither ?

Nor I , I sweare by all the Gumme and Blew-starch in Christendome .

I thought so , why it s the Sempster , one that both you had beene vndone , had it not bene for her : but what talke I of your vndoing ? I say Mistris Stitchwel the Sempster was the very maker of you both , yet thus little doe you regard her : but it is the common custome of you all , when you come to bee so great as you are , you forget from what house you come .

Sfoote , Ruffe careth not a pinne for her .

Nor Band a button .

Well , Band and Ruffe , you were best both of you to take heede of her , you knowe shee set you both in the Stockes once before , and if shee catch you againe , it is a hundreth to one , if she hang you not both vp , for she hath got strings already .

Meet me , if thou darest .

The place the Paper-mils , the hower to morrow at one .

Since you will goe , goe ; but heare me , if you goe , looke at me well ; as little a fellow as I am , I will come and Cuffe you both out of the fields ; if I doe not , say , Cuffe is no man of his hands .

Alas poore shrimpe , thou art nothing in my hands .

If you goe , you shall neuer say that Cuffe came of a sleeuelesse errand : I le binde your hands ( I warrant you ) for striking .

Say and hold .

Remember the Paper-mils .

And you bee so chollericke , I le euen pinne you both in , as soone as I come home : can you not decide the quarrell betweene your selues without a field ? I had thought you had beene a little more milde , Ruffe . You were a horrible Puritane the other day , and very precise , Ruffe .

Hang him , base Rascall : would he not make any man mad , to see such a — that durst not ( scarce ) peepe out , before Collar came to Towne , now to swagger thus ?

Come , you shall be friends , Band.

Thy man , Coller ? thy Master , thou wouldest haue said , I am sure hee is thy vpholder .

Nay , surely he is his Master , at least his Maker : for Bands make rags ; Rags make Paper , Paper makes Past-board , and Past-board makes Collar ; and I thinke that this is a stiffe argument that he is his Master .

Well , be he what he will , if I catch his Collar , I le cut him in iags , let me but claspe him , and I le make him for stirring .

But you shall not . Haue you not Friends and Neighbours ynow to end this controuersie , but you must goe into the fields , and there cut the threed of your liues ? wee 'l haue none of that : come choose you an Vmpire , Band , for it shall be so .

Since you will force me to it , if Ruffe be content , I am willing .

Ruffe , you shall be content .

If I shall , then I must , let him name him .

If I may choose , I le haue Master Handkerchiefe .

Nay , stay there , he is a most filthy Sniveling fellow , & a notable lawyer ; he will wipe your Nose of all , if you put the case to him : but what say you to Shirt ?

He is a shifting knaue , and one , to whom Band , a little before hath beene much beholding . Why , they were ioyned a long time together in friendship .

Why , then goe to Master Cap , the headman of the Towne .

No , I denie that , he is a very bad Iustice , you may haue him wrought on any side for monie .

I le tell you what , then we will goe to my Lord Corpus himselfe .

He is not in Towne .

He is , for I saw Sock , his chiefe Footeman heere yesterday .

Heer 's adoe with you , and my Lord Corpus , indeed , I would you were both hanged about his necke for me . But I see , this strife will neuer be ended , til I be Arbitrator my selfe , you know , I am equally allied to you both : shall I be Moderator betweene you ?

Content .

Well then , thus I pronounce . Ruffe shall be most accounted of amongst the Clergie , for he is the grauer Fellow . ( Although I know , the Puritans will not greatly care for him , hee hath such a deale of setting , and they loue standing better . ) As for you , Band , you shall bee most made of amongst the young Gallants ( although sometimes they shall vse Ruffe , for a fashion , but not otherwise ; ) how euer , you neede not regard the giddie headed multitude , let them doe as they list , sometimes respecting one , sometimes the other : but when you come to the Counsailors , and men of Law , which know right from wrong , acknowledging both your Worths to be equall , they shall preferre neither , but vse the kindnesse of you both , wearing both a Band and a Ruffe ; how say you , are you both content ?

We are .

Then goe before me to the next Tauerne , and I le follow after with a Band of your friendship drawne , which I hope these Gentlemen will seale with their hands .