Technogamia, or The Marriages of the Arts Holyday, Barten This text is an enriched version of the TCP digital transcription A03496 of text S104173 in the English Short Title Catalog (STC 13617). Textual changes and metadata enrichments aim at making the text more computationally tractable, easier to read, and suitable for network-based collaborative curation by amateur and professional end users from many walks of life. The text has been tokenized and linguistically annotated with MorphAdorner. The annotation includes standard spellings that support the display of a text in a standardized format that preserves archaic forms ('loveth', 'seekest'). Textual changes aim at restoring the text the author or stationer meant to publish. Martin Mueller Incompletely or incorrectly transcribed words were reviewed and in many cases fixed by Melina Yeh Heejin Ro This text has not been fully proofread EarlyPrint Project Evanston IL, Notre Dame IN, St.Louis, Washington MO 2017 Distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License A03496.xml Technogamia: or The marriages of the arts. A comedie, written by Barten Holyday, Master of Arts, and student of Christ-Church in Oxford, and acted by the students of the same house before the Vniuersitie, at Shroue-tide. Holyday, Barten, 1593-1661. 57 600dpi TIFF G4 page images University of Michigan, Digital Library Production Service Ann Arbor, Michigan 2011 April (TCP phase 2) 99839912 STC (2nd ed.) 13617. Greg, II, 363(a). 4373 A03496 2240939013

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 Technogamia: or The marriages of the arts. A comedie, written by Barten Holyday, Master of Arts, and student of Christ-Church in Oxford, and acted by the students of the same house before the Vniuersitie, at Shroue-tide. Technogamia Marriages of the arts. Holyday, Barten, 1593-1661. [112] p. Printed by William Stansby for Iohn Parker, and are to be sold at his shop in Pauls Church-yard at the signe of the Ball, London : 1618. 1618

Partly in verse.

First word of title in Greek characters.

Signatures: A-O4.

Reproduction of the original in the British Library.

 A03496 shc Technogamia, or The Marriages of the Arts Holiday, Barten Melina Yeh Heejin Ro 1618 play comedy shc no A03496 S104173 (STC 13617). 114 43518 0 0 0 0 0 0 0.00 A This text has no known defects that were recorded as gap elements at the time of transcription. Incorporated ~ 10,000 textual changes made to the SHC corpus by Hannah Bredar, Kate Needham, and Lydia Zoells between April and July 2015 during visits, separately or together, to the Bodleian, Folger and Houghton Libraries as well as the Rare Book Libraries at Northwestern University and the University of Chicago Boston Public Library, PR2585.H3 T4 1618

Tit? OR THE MARRIAGES OF THE ARTS .

A Comedie , Written by BARTEN HOLYDAY , Master of Arts , and Student of Christ-Church in Oxford , and acted by the Students of the same House before the Vniuersitie , at Shroue-tide .

LONDON Printed by William Stansby for Iohn Parker , and are to be sold at his shop in Pauls Church-yard at the signe of the Ball . 1618 .

The Actors . POLITES , A Magistrate . PHYSICA , ASTRONOMIA , Daughter to Physica . ETHICVS , An old man . OECONOMA , Wife to Ethicus . GEOGRAPHVS , A trauailer , & courtier : in loue with Astronomia . GEOMETRES , In loue with Astronomia . ARITHMETICA , In loue with Geometres . LOGICVS , GRAMMATICVS , A schoolemaster . POETA , HISTORIA , In loue with Poeta . RHETORICA , In loue with Logicus . MVSICA , Attendant on Astronomia MEDICVS , CAVSIDICVS , MAGVS , ASTROLOGIA , Wife to Magus PHANTASTES , Seruant to Geographus . MELANCHOLICO , Poeta's man . CHOLER , Grammaticus his Vsher . SANGVIS , Medicus his man . PHLEGMATICO , Logicus his man . Gypsies , and Fortune-tellers . PHYSIOGNOMVS , CHEIROMANTES . Gypsies , and Fortune-tellers . Persons onely mentioned METAPHYSICVS , an Apothecary .

THE SCENE . INSVLA FORTVNATA .

PROLOGVE . GRacious Spectators , not to vexe your eares With some old Negatiue Prologue , saying , Here 's No Souldier , no Parasite , no Whore , No Baud ( for many vnderstand no more Then such cheape stage-ware ) to vnfold our Scene , And without vaile to Open what we meane Behold . Here the vpper part of the Scene open'd ; when straight appear'd a Heauen , and all the Pure Artes sitting on two semicircular benches , one aboue another : who sate thus till the rest of the Prologue was spoken , which being ended , they descended in order within the Scene , whiles the Musicke plaid Our Poet knowing our free hearts Has here inuited Heau'n and All the Artes To entertayne His Theater , and does bring What he prepar'd for our Platonique King : Deeming Your iudgements able to supply The absence of So Great a Maiesty . But his free conscience does protest , the mirth Of this his night was but a Fiue-weekes birth ; Yet no Abortiue ; if your courteous hands Shall wrap the Infant in his swathing bands . It Speakes Already and each Arte , to raise Delight , does vse it's Owne Distinguisht phrase . Lend your Purg'd eares . If any doe looke grim , Our Author sayes they wrong the Artes not Him : He striues to Please . But yet he scornes to be So vile , to Bargaine for a Plaudite ; And from your seates , at a Compacted clap , Hugge an Abusing ioy . If 't is his hap To haue your Free applause , to This he stands , The Artes shall not more crowne him , then Your Hands .
ΤΕΧΝΟΓΑΜΙΑ : OR The Marriages of the Arts .
ACTVS I.
SCENA I.

in a white Beauer , with a white and greene Feather , a little Band , a light-colour'd Sattin suite , imbrodered Gloues , red-silke Stockings , blue Garters and Roses , white Pumps , a Cloke whereon was describ'd the terrestriall Globe in two Hemispheares , and on the Cape the two Poles . in an azure Gowne , and a Mantle seeded with starres ; on her head a Tiara , bearing on the front the seuen starres , and behind , starres promiscuously ; on the right side the Sunne , on the left the Moone , in Gloues , and white Pumps . In a branch'd veluet Ierkin with hanging sleeues button'd and loop'd , a short paire of Breeches , a greene Cloke with siluer lace , lin'd through with veluet , red-silke Stockings , party-colour'd Garters , a low-crown'd Hat with broad brims , with a Peacocks feather in it , in a yellow Band , Gloues , and red Pumps .

GEOGRAPHVS , ASTRONOMIA , PHANTASTES .

PHANTASTES , leaue vs .

Phant.

I might very well be here , Sir , at a wooing match ; but , I goe : yet I will not be farre off . Exit .

Geog.

Come , now you shall , Astronomia .

Astron.

What shall I , Geographus ?

Geog.

Kisse .

Astron.

What ? a' spight of my teeth ?

Geog.

No not so , I hope you doe not vse to kisse with your teeth .

Astron.

Marry and I hope I doe not vse to kisse without them .

Geog.

I , but ( my fine Wit-catcher ) I meane you doe not Show your teeth when you kisse : — 't is thy Ambrosiake lippe ( sweete Nymph ) which thus I salute after the fine French — thus , He kisses Astron. the gracious Spanish , — ( hold still ) thus the slauering Dutch — ( nay , I will ) and thus the deuouring Italian fashion — I 'me a Courtier sweet Nymph , I 'me a Courtier ; pardon my ( you know the Court-humor ) boldnes .

Astron.

What ? is 't the Court humour then to kisse a Mayde out of breath ?

Geog.

No , sweet chucke , but to kisse them In breath ; to make them long-breath'd in kissing , and able to endure a Smothering and Reuiue againe .

Astron.

Faith for my part Sir Courtier , then I am not acquainted with a long breath ; though , I thinke , they that vse kissing much , are acquainted with long breaths , for , I warrant them , they may be smelt farre enough off .

Geog.

Come , my Heau'n , I must take off your Zone ; shall Astronomia bee in girt with a Zone , and not Geographus ? especially since all we Louers liue vnder Zona torrida .

Astron.

If it bee So Sir , then I pray you keepe you there still ; for My Zone , I le assure you , as yet is a Temperate one ; pardon me Sir , Ungirt Unblest : if I am not Fast , I 'me Loose , vntye the Heauens and take away their Zones , we should haue braue Skie-falling .

Geog. I , and braue Larke-catching , ( prettie Bird ) ah ! were they all such as Thee , it should bee my First wish .

Astron.

I perceiue Sir , then you Courtiers are readie to take a Mayde at the Fall ; Well Sir , but let goe your hand from my girdle , he that has that , shall haue me and all .

Geog.

With all my heart ( my double soule ) I have Alreadie trauel'd ouer the whole Earth , and am now againe in Trauell to be Deliuered of a second Attempt , the Peregrination of the Heauens ; which to effect , I know no more expedite Course , then to haue Recourse to Astronomia .

Astron.

Pray le bee ; be Modest yet ; I thinke you le force me to say be Honest , leaue , or I le Cry .

Geog.

I , but I le make you Laugh .

Astron.

Nay , pray you , bee not Elephantine ; I suppose you haue beene in India , and pierce the Phrase .

Geog.

Nay , but Nymph , Won't you then ?

Astron.

Won't I ? what ?

Geog.

Bee kind .

Astron.

Bee kind ? how ?

Geog.

( The plague of Louers ! crossing in the point ; He espies Physica entring . Yonder comes thy mother Physica ) why bee kinde as shee has beene .

Astron.

Marry —

Geog.

It may be shee won't consent .

Astron.

O Sir , your apprehension it too nimble ; I was saying , marry gracious are the Fates , to deliuer a Mayd from the violence of a Rauisher .

Geog.

Nay , good loue , He speakes this drawing backe to depart . thinke this but an exiliencie of my affection , or rather thinke not out at all , but onely ( O my Venus lipp'd ) of this Wooers modest kisse , that is but lent till the next meeting : but farewell , I see thy Mothers aged brow wrinkled alreadie ; and I had rather againe vndertake my performed iourney about the World , then thou should'st bee shent for me ; once more farewell , Geographus his Astronomia . Exit Geographus .

Astron.

I must behaue my selfe now as demurely , as a Gentlewoman when shee 's eating an Egge , well I le preuent her , and goe meete Her , or else she will be Meete with Me .

ACTVS I. SCENA II.

with a Cornet on her head , bearing on the front a Woman with two Children sucking at her brests , and a CERES Horne passing vp betweene her armes ; round about on the border of her Coronet were Beasts and Trees ; in a loose-bodied Gowne of greene branch'd Taffata , in Gloues and White Pumps .

ASTRONOMIA , PHYSICA .

FOrsooth , and 't please you —

Physica .

Who was that ?

Astron.

And please you forsooth it was —

Physica .

I , who was it ? that 's the question I aske .

Astron.

It was forsooth and please you —

Physica .

Yes , it pleases me to know , though I feare when I doe know it will scarce please me .

Astron.

Why then forsooth since it pleases you —

Physica .

Oh , is the excuse made now ?

Astron.

Alas forsooth , I was comming o' mine accord , to tell you forsooth .

Physica .

Well , now I hope forsooth , so many forsooths haue made vp one excuse by this time .

Astron.

It was forsooth — .

Physica .

Yet againe ?

Astron.

My Vncle Ethicus .

Physica .

That came to teach you manners belike , and that 's the reason you vse so many mannerly forsooths .

Astron.

No forsooth , hee came to inuite mee to his House to a Banquet .

Physica .

To a Banquet ? Indeed you are better fed then taught .

Astron.

And maruail'd that you and I were so great strangers at his house .

Physica .

Nay , that 's not strange , now-adayes , for the neerer kinne , the farther off in friendship , and therefore the greater strangers .

Astron.

But I promis'd , for my selfe , my oftener presence hereafter , and bid Ethicus perswade himselfe , that though you did not come to him in person , yet that your loue and best Affections dwelt alwaies with him ; and I did my best to make part of an excuse for you .

Physica .

As you doe now for your Selfe : but Minion doe you expect a thanke of mee , for your excuse ? I beleeue rather , you le stand more in neede of an excuse your selfe ; it seemes your are well skill'd in the framing of them . What ? who bid you put on this apparell to day ? you must be in your skie-colour'd Gowne euery day , in your best apparell holy-dayes and working-dayes : and had you neuer a worse head-tyre to put on to day but this with colour'd Ribbands tyed like Starres ? but , Minion , the mystery of the truth ; come , I must know it : Does your Vncle Ethicus looke o' that fashion ? is he a Courtier ? a Trauellour ? a Puppet ? does he make himselfe a verier Foole then the Taylour makes him ? has hee a Iury of Nations come in to giue their verdict , for the making vp of one sute of apparell for him ? is hee for your long Hat , short Cloke , little Band ? are his olde hammes growne supple againe ? is he for your knee-congey ? the throwing of a wauering head off his shoulders in a salutation ? or the breaking of his high-heeld Shooes , or ( which is better ) sometimes of his crazie legs , when in a wanton pride they cannot stand vpon his giddie feete ? you 'd make a fine creature of your Vncle ; but , my fine Minion , my Periphrasis has incircled your companion , as his armes did your middle euen now : you apprehend ? ah Astronomia , thy face was neuer made for the colouring of a lye ; oh how this one vntruth has Ecclips'd thy beautie ? thou neuer receiu'dst such a vile Nature from thy Mother Physica : no ; no ; I know from whom this corruption proceedes ; 't is that false , that vile Astrologia , that infects thee thus , and whom I obserue , still to follow at thy heeles : but I fret mine olde age too much , which is enough anguish to it selfe : in , in you light Huswife — . Exeunt .

ACTVS I. SCENA III .

in a colour'd Hat ascending in a Pyramidall forme , with a Square in it in stead of a Feather , in a light-colour'd sute of Sattin , a Ruffe-band , a Cloke whereon were describ'd diuers Geometricall Instruments , and a man taking the height of a Towre with a Iacobs Staffe ; in blue-silke Stockings , Garters , Roses , Gloues , and white Pumps . in a blacke sute with a triple Crowne on his head , beset with Crosses , and other Magicall Characters ; in blacke Shooes , with a white wand in his hand .

GEOMETRES , MAGVS .

LEt Geometres neuer vse Measure more , if hee loues not his dearest Magus beyond measure : Oh , the Gods ! that you and I could neuer know one another before ! but First it should be my lucke to be acquainted with Astronomia , Then with your Selfe ! Sir , if your occasions can make vse of my best indeuours , the imployment shall bee a fauour : if at any time you want any Characters , and strange Figures for your Circles , or Circles themselues , for the confining of your Spirits , know Sir , They shall not be more obedient vnto You , then My officious gratitude , imploy Mee Sir , I protest I 'me growne Infinite in loue with the fairest Astronomia , with your selfe .

Magus .

Sir , let mee neuer vse my Great Arte more , if my loue to You bee not greater then my Arte : the Spirits that I Command , shall not bee so quicke in my Ambassages , as the Spirit of my Loue , in the effecting your desires , ti 's as my Circle , most capacious and without End .

Geom.

Well , Sir : I need not then you thinke to feare Geographus ; for indeed though he be proud , yet I am sure Astronomia is much more Highminded : and yet were her Altitude as high as Heauen , could not I Measure it ? besides what can she count of him , but as of a giddie fellow , whose Head is Guided by his Heeles ? but for Me , it is well knowne , I haue the Rule of my selfe : indeed there 's Poeta , him I feare , for he playes at his Mistres with his Hexameter , and Pentameter , as a Fencer lyes at his Rapier and Dagger-foile ; but from Him you say Youl ' Ward me .

Magus .

I warrant you Sir , as securely as with an Inchanted shield : ( and now Sir to Descend to Realities ) I will briefely acquaint you with some of the Mysteries of our Sacred Science ; and first with this . There are three wayes , by one of which your desire may be effected , the first is Fascination ; the second Coniuration , and the third Medicine . The first can bee wrought onely by oportunitie , by being in companie with Astronomia .

Geom.

Alas ! that 's the Vnmeasurable Depth of my griefe , for I can neuer almost get into her company , but yet Sir acquaint mee with the deuice that I may not lose occasion it offer'd .

Magus .

I will Sir ; This Fascination is , when one does worke loue in a woman by looking on her .

Geom.

But is that possible ?

Magus .

O , Sir , in a moderate sort verie familiar ; I haue knowne a man and a woman by an earnest looking one vpon another , when they fell in loue , both become starke blind .

Geom.

Strange ! Wonderfull ! but if that should happen me , how should I enioy the sight of her beautie ?

Magus .

Sir , my care shall exempt you from that feare ; but to vnfolde vnto you the manner of this admirable operation —

Geom.

I Sir , I desire to know what Proportion it can beare with truth .

Magus .

It is thus : The instrument of fascination is a vapour pure , and subtile , arising from the heate of the heart , out of the purer bloud , which through the eyes doth proiect beames like it selfe ; those beames doe carrie with them a pure vapour , which sometimes carrieth with it bloud , ( as wee see in bleare-ey'd folkes , who hurt by looking on ) which being eiaculated vpon the eyes of a woman ( being sent forth with a labouring violence ) enter into her eye , pierce her heart , infect the bloud and Spirits , then by a continuance of the eiaculation , produce an assimilation in the obiect .

Geom.

Sir , this is Deepe ; but is this Rule infallible ?

Magus .

There are a sort of your Philosophers that denie this ; but ( alas ! ) vnexperienc'd fellowes , that neuer went beyond the Circle of their Science ; but wee men of practice correct and surpasse the narrow bounds of their emptie Speculations : and now Sir for the guarding of your selfe , and the more powerfull operation , I will furnish you with an Vnction of Doues , or Sparrowes bloud .

Geom.

Doue , nor Sparrow is so hot , as my loue to you , dearest Magus : but you made mention of a second , Coniuration .

Magus .

Sir , by that I can present vnto you , your loue .

Geom.

Presently ?

Magus .

Presently .

Geom.

Will you ?

Magus .

What will I not for you ?

Geom.

I am yours Soule and Body .

Magus .

Well , stay you here then , I le but step forth . Exit .

Geom.

That euer thou wast borne ! that euer thou wast borne , Diuine Magus ! well , the Deuill take me if I doe not turne Magician , He puts on a cypresse Suite , then puts Geometres into a Circle which hee brings forth and spreads ; then goes into it himselfe , with a white rod in his hand , which he waues 4. waies . what euer it cost me . O Astronomia ! —

Magus .

Come , Sir , stand you heere , and moue not beyond this Circle , and speake not a word ; and now prepare your selfe to be satisfied with the beautie of your Loue .

Bael , Agares , Marbas , Pruflas . Loray , Valefar , Morax , Naberus . At the end of each of these foure names is made a great noise within , like thunder . Geom.

Good Magus leaue off , oh , oh , oh , oh , oh , I shall neuer be able to endure .

Magus .

Classialabolas —

Geom.

Oh , I le cry out if yee won't leaue . Magus stops Geometres's mouth , and speakes on .

Magus .

Amduscias , Zagan , Elauros , Orobas .

Geom.

Oh , I shall —

Magus .

Hagaenti , Vual , Zaleos .

Geom.

I cannot endure it , oh I cannot endure it . Geometres falls downe , thrusting his head betweene Magus his feete , and couering his face with his hands .

Magus .

What a faint-hearted Louer is this ? I must send them away againe , before they are come .

Va , Va , Va , Acim , Acim , Acim , Ei , Ei , Ei : Hau , Hau , Hau .

Procul hinc , procul ite profani ; redite , redite . Come , Sir , will you rise to see your Loue ?

Geom.

Is she gone yet ?

Magus .

Why ? Doe you loue her so well , that you would haue her gone ?

Geom.

Oh! I cannot endure it .

Magus .

Not endure her ? Marry you loue her well then t' is likely . Geometres rises .

Geom.

Well , I beseech you , Sir , fall to your last remedy , Medicine : for this is intolerable .

Magus .

Well , Sir , that do's not belong to you .

Geom.

No ? why ? Must not I take Physicke to make her fall in loue with me ?

Magus .

No , Geometres : what deuice dost thou think should be in that ?

Geom.

Nay alas I can't tell , I doe but aske ; come I pray , let 's be gon hence , I cannot endure to stay here , wee 'l talke further of this in some other place . Good Magus , let me hold by you till we are gone a prettie way hence .

Magus .

Come , you 're a braue Mars for a Venus ! Exeunt .

ACTVS I. SCENA IIII .

in a Loose-bodied Gowne of Red-branched Veluet ; a darke starry Mantle , in a Tiera beset with dimme starres , in the front of which was describ'd the Scheme of a Natiuitie ; on the two sides the Sunne and Moone Ecclips'd , in Gloues and blacke Pumps . in a greene Gowne of Silke ; on her head a Coronet , bearing in the front a Table of Multiplication , and round about the border , the nine radicall Figures , and a Cipher ; in Gloues and white Pumps . in a Wast-coat and Petty-coat of Red-branch'd Veluet ; in a Coronet bearing in the front the Table of the Gammvt , with the first sixe Musicall notes , ascending , and descending ; and aboue that a Bag-pipe and a Harpe ; bearing on the border diuers other Instruments ; and on the top of two Arches , rising from the circle of the Coronet , was exprest Fame sounding a Trumpet ; in Gloues and white Pumps .

ASTRONOMIA , ASTROLOGIA , ARITHMETICA , MVSICA .

COme , Lasses : i'faith I haue beene arraign'd , condemn'd and executed , without holding vp my hand at a Barre .

Astrol.

Why ? Didst thou euer offend the Heauens in thy life , Astronomia ?

Astron.

No . But it seemes I haue offended Nature ; for I me sure my mother Physica has powr'd out her affection toward me .

Astrol.

As how , I prethee ?

Astron.

Nay , I haue beene held vpon her Items : Item , for being in company with Geographus : Item , for being in company with Astrologia —

Astrol.

With me ?

Astron.

Item , for wearing my best clothes euery day : Alas , alas , do's my Mother thinke All Natures desire the same things ? It pleaseth Her in Summer to weare one kind of garment ; in Winter another ; in Autumne and Spring as different : another perhaps would count this pride in her : I weare alwayes the same , which me thinks her age ( but that , Age is froward ) might interpret , as a three-sold vertue , Humilitie , Thrift , and Constancy : but —

Astrol.

Oh! I can easily guesse why shee speakes against me : I perceiue all eminency of gifts is attended on by enuy : but tush , Olde — I say no worse : let her chide the gods that gaue me my Fore-knowledge of things aboue her apprehension : beleeue mee , I saw this great contention before , in the present Coniunction of Saturne and Mars : But for Geographus , I would wish your Height of worth , Astronomia , would not Descend vnto his Basenesse .

Astron.

You abuse me , Astrologia : basenesse ?

Astrol.

Nay , then I perceiue there is somewhat of fate in loue ; and that the Starres doe not rule men , but men the Starres ; why there 's no Proportion of worth betweene him and Geometres , a man cut out by the very Square of all vertue .

Arithm.

I , and let Arithmetica be cast out of the Number of the Sciences ; if in his very face ( I speake it freely behind his back ) appeare not to my eye the very Figure of sincerity .

Astron.

Alas ! would you Paralell Geometres with Geographus ? you may as well liken the Middle of the Earth to the whole Circumference : or , but some Angle to a whole Mappe .

Arithm.

Nay , you are the whole Heauen-wide , Astronomia , on the contrary part ; for though Geometres thinke there bee too great Disparity betweene him and me , and that Arithmetica stands now but for a Cipher in his account ; yet , that conceit of his shall neuer make a Fraction or Diuision in my loue , but as hee was once mine Intire , so shall I euer hold it the golden Rule of friendship , rather to Adde vnto , then Substract from my first affection : but let vs not multiply words : Musica , prethee what dost thou thinke of this ?

Musica .

Truely , I thinke Geographus to be a liberall Gentleman , and therefore may not consent vnto Astrologia , when she calls him base , yet I thinke hee has some Crotchets now and then of a Traueller : and for Geometres , I take him for a plaine Solid fellow : but in my conceit , in his discourse hee 's somewhat obtuse , blunt , blunt .

Arithm.

I , that 's but thy conceit .

Musica .

Indeed I must confesse I haue more conceit then iudgement : But in my fancy , there 's Poeta , Poeta and Melancholico begin to Enter . h 'as more loue in 's little finger , then both they in their whole bodyes .

Astron.

Marry thou say'st true , for I thinke there hee is indeed . Come , let 's begon ; for I thinke euery one now a Spy : for my mother told me shee 'd set more Eyes beside Musicaes to attend mee hereafter : but Musica , doe thou turne that way and meet him , that if he be one , I may know whom to thanke for my mothers next kind salutation .

Exeunt Astron. Astrol . Arith.
ACTVS I. SCENA V.

in a blacke Satin Suite , a lerkin with hanging sleeues button'd together behinde , a blacke Beauer , with a garland of Bayes about it , a Ruffe-band , in yellow silke Stockings , blacke silke Garters tied acrosse , blacke Roses , Gloues , & white Pumps . in a blacke Suite , a blacke Hat , a blacke Cloke wrapt about his shoulders , a blacke-worke Band , blacke Gloues , and blacke Shooes .

MVSICA , POETA , MELANCHOLICO .

FA , la , la , la , la , Sol , la , mi , fa .

Poeta .

How now my Treble , my Minikin , art thou so pleasant ?

Musica .

Oh sir , I see you keepe your old Tenor still : you are alwaies Descanting .

Poeta .

But my little Fidde , where hast thou beene ?

Musica .

Sounding your Harmonious vertues , to a Consort of Ladies .

Poeta .

Mine ? If I had not call'd thee my Fiddle before , I might now call thee my Trumpet , but I will yet call thee my Pipe , my Syrinx , a peece of Pan's Reed : but prethee , sirrah , who were they ? O Melancholico ! here 's a Wench , if her Mistris would part with her , would make thee liue one seuen yeeres longer , but to be in her company .

Mel.

'T is a merry Wench indeed .

Musica .

Why , there was my Lady , with Astrologia , and Arithmetica .

Poeta .

Thy Lady ? Indeede I haue heard thy Lady loues Musicke well , and for that respect I haue had a conceit to Her my selfe .

Musica .

A conceit ? Well , I can't stay or else I could say more .

Poeta .

Hold her , Melancholico , she shall not begon yet .

Musica .

Why how now Sir ? Faith , Poeta , your man lookes as if hee would fall in loue with me . Fa , la , la , la , la , sol , la , mi , fa .

Poeta .

Nay , prethee Musica , tell me how thou camest to attend on Astronomia first .

Musica .

Alas , 't is beyond my remembrance to tell that : onely I haue heard a certaine Philosopher that was in loue with Astronomia , bestow'd mee vpon her when I was but a childe : but I 'me sure she entertaines me so well , that I care for no other seruice now vnder Heauen , shee 's a Diuine Lady , A Diuine Lady , and since my comming thither , shee has made rare deuices , rare deuices to cause Harmony : but I must bee gone , I can't stay . Fa , la , la , la , la , sol , la , mi , fa . Exit .

Mel.

'T is a merry Wench .

Poeta .

But a Diuine Lady ! but a Diuine Lady ! I cannot tell what ayles me , but I am not very well . Follow me in , Melancholico .

Mel.

I follow , Sir . Exeunt .

ACTVS I. SCENA . VI. GEOGRAPHVS , PHANTASTES .

WHat should I cry out now against the iniquitie of the Fates , for wrapping vp all in blinde Fortune , and for the vnequall distribution of their gifts ? I haue indeed beene about all the world , and brought home nothing but a World of care . I could cry , I confesse , but that I can't find in my hart to be such a foole , vnlesse my teares would turne to gold , as those of Phaetons sisters did to Amber ; and then yfaith I 'd turne a most deuout penitent : but , Phantastes , put vp the Siquis , put vp the Siquis .

Phant.

I will , I will .

Geogr.

Faith I 'me almost extracted , I 'me come to the Mercury already ; there 's nothing left but my wits : but what if I can get no customers now ?

Phant.

Faith you had best turne Paper-man , & sell Maps ; and yet that trade is almost downe the wind now : or you may get a pretty young — one — and set vp a Tabacco-shop .

Geogr.

Foh ! that 's a stinking trade .

Phant.

Oh your fattest soiles are most full of dirt ; and I haue knowne a fellow , that was not worth a haire of his head , nay , that had not an haire of an honest man , gather more gold out of this dung-hill , then euer Maro did out of his Ennius ; that now he cares not for any man in the Parish : Oh! this is the trade that yeelds è fumo fulgorem ; Gold out of smoke .

Geogr.

Oh , Astronomia ! there 's my chiefest griefe , I confesse ; for as 't is held policy in rich men to loue ; so I feare it will proue ridiculous in me , if once I grow poore .

Phant.

Sir , not many yeeres since , before I vndertooke with you our iourney about the wide world , I was my selfe driuen to the like streights ; I meane , Sir , in that Cod-piece-ago , when the innocency of men did not blush to shew all that Nature gaue them , indeed , because they did no more , then , that taught them : then , when they wore doublets with crawes , and sleeues with pockets , then ( I say ) the fashion was so long at a stand , that I had like to haue beene at a fall : then your Philosopher in the Vniuersitie , scorn'd nothing but ( the vniust cause of scorne ) fine apparell , shewing the seuerity of his profession , by the ruggednesse of his gowne : but since , I thinke , I haue fashion'd them all ; though , of late , some of your gor-belli'd country-chuffes , haue cast themselues into their frieze jerkins , with great tinn'd buttons siluer'd or'e , rather out of a proud niggardlinesse then an honest thrift .

Geogr.

Well , but what course shall I take , if I get mony ?

Phant.

Mary , Sir , this : weare apparell of the best , be merry , wanton , toying , bold ; affront any man : get a faire-false-diamond — on your finger , and by all meanes haue a gilt watch , which sometimes , to know how the day passes , you must draw out in the Market-place , though peraduenture there be a Clocke hard by within the view of your eye ; 't will imply , you reckon not your day by the peoples Dyall : or sometimes you may draw it forth before a rich mans doore , ( you know in our trauailes wee obseru'd the like in a Gentleman at Venice ) and assure your selfe , at the next meeting , hee 'l giue you the salutation .

Geogr.

Oh! thou hast a rare wit , my fine Phantastes ! well , let 's commit it to the heauens , and if my stars blesse me but to obtaine Astronomia ; I le count it as an enioying of the whole world , which I haue yet but seene . Exeunt Geographus & Phantastes .

ACTVS I. SCENA VII. POETA , MELANCHOLICO .

ANd did shee not say , Melancholico , shee was a diuine Lady ?

Mel.

Yes , shee did .

Poet.

And did she not say she had made rare deuices , rare deuices ( for she repeated it ) to cause Harmony ?

Mel.

Yes , shee did .

Poet.

Fa , la , la , la , la , sol , la , mi , fa , hum — and did shee not say shee would not change her seruice for any vnder Heauen ?

Mel.

Yes , shee did .

Poet.

Hum . And did shee not say shee could say more ?

Mel.

Yes , shee did .

Poet.

Fa , la , la , la , la , sol , la , mi , fa , pretty little Musica ! Fa , la , la , la , la , sol , la , mi , fa , for shee sung it three times I remember , pretty Musica ; diuine Astronomia ! — the iuyce of the Gods Nepenthe were vineger to one of her kisses : diuine Astronomia !

Vniust , blind god of loue , or not enfire

My brest ; or , if thou dost , crowne my desire . Poeta sees the Siquis , and Mel. takes it downe . What Siquis is that ?

Mel.

I le reade it , Sir .

If there be any Gentleman , that , for the accomplishing of his natural indowments , intertaynes a desire of learning the languages , especially , the nimble French , maiestike Spanish , courtly Italian , masculine Dutch , happily-compounding Greeke , mysticall Hebrew , and physicall Arabicke ; or that is otherwise transported with the admirable knowledge of forraine policies , complementall behauiour , naturall dispositions , or whatsoeuer else belongs to any people or country vnder heauen ; he shall , to his abundant satisfaction , be made happy in his expectation and successe , if he please to repaire to the signe of the Globe .

Poet.

Good , good ; I le monopolize this commodity ; Logicus and Grammaticus enter . Poeta teares the Siquis . when I shall haue so many tongues to woo , I will not doubt to obtayne Astronomia .

ACTVS I. SCENA VIII.

In a wide-sleeu'd gowne , and a square cap , &c. In a paire of breeches close to his thigh , his stockings garter'd aboue knee : a sharpe-crown'd hat with the sides pinned vp ; a ruffe-band ; and a Ferula at his backe , &c.

POETA , MELANCHOLICO , LOGICVS , GRAMMATICVS . Gram.

SIr , you did that by a Poetica licentia .

Poet.

SO , Grammaticus , you 'd faine Rule me still : — Et nos ergo manum ferulae subduximus .

Logic.

Nay , Poeta , you must not abuse him that hath beene your Master , he hath beene your Master , Ergo , you must not abuse him .

Poet.

Why , how now , Logicus ? will you be the Neptune , to calme these Seas with your three-fork'd Mace ? I thought you could spet nothing but Aristotle .

Gram.

Aristotle ? sawcy boy ? Aristotelis libri sunt omne genus elegantia referti ; pro Omnis generis .

Logic.

Nay , Poeta , we must grant you the eloquence : Nobis non licet esse tam disertis disertos .

Poet.

Why how , no , Logicus ? hast thou caught the itch of Grammaticus ? I should rather haue thought , thou wouldst haue infected him .

Gram.

How now ? boyes talke ? by the soule of Priscian , A praeceptore vapulabis .

Poet.

Nay , then yfaith : A trepido vix abstinetira Magistro .

Gram.

Poeta and Gram. fight . What ? insolent ? Faciam vt meique ac huius diei , ac loci , semper memineris .

Poet.

Melancholico , doe thou cracke an argument with clog-head , there .

Mel.

Logicus and Melancholico fight . I le doe my best to cracke his pate , if I can .

Logic.

He bites , he bites : O , do you scratch , you coward ?

Mel.

Yes , Sir , because you haue the itch .

Poet.

To him , Melancholico .

Mel.

They part . Nay , let me alone , I warrant you : we are at it , tooth and naile .

Gram.

Well , Poeta , Refero ad Senatum .

Poet.

Will you come againe , Sir !

Gram.

Non si me obsecres . Exit .

Poet.

I beleeue thee , yfaith ; Logicus , will you returne ?

Logic.

I see no reason for it : Ergo , I won't . Exit .

Poet.

O , haue we broke off one of the forks of your Mace ? he most valiantly now runnes away vpon two feet : Stay , here comes Choler , Grammaticus his man .

Enter CHOLER in a yellow cloke , a yellow suite , on the brest whereof were exprest two fellowes wrastling ; in a yellow hat ; bearing a fist with a club in 't : yellow stockings , yellow pumps , &c. Choler .

Who was that ran away last there ? Logicus ?

Mel.

Yes .

Choler .

Did you beate him ?

Mel.

Yes .

Choler .

And who was the other ? my Master ?

Poet .

Yes

Choler .

Did you beate him ?

Poet.

Yes , Sir : what say you to that ?

Choler .

What say I to that ? mary , I say , I would haue fought as long as I could haue stood , if you had not left beating of my Master .

Poet.

Oh! is that all ! Domini similis es ; farewell , valiant Champion .

Mel.

Oh! is that all ? Domini similis es ; farewell , valiant Champion . Exeunt Poeta & Melancholico .

Choler .

How ? bafled ? by my masters Ferula , I le quarrell with the next man I meet , who er'e he be : and yonder comes Sanguis , Medicus his man ; but hee lookes as if hee would say somewhat ; I le therefore stand aside first , and heare what hee 'll say .

ACTVS I. SCENA IX.

in a red suite ; on the brest whereof was a man with his nose bleeding ; on the backe , one let bloud in the arme ; in a red hat , red band , stockings , red pumps , &c.

SANGVIS , CHOLER .

MY Master is now in a consumption ; he is come to putting vp a Si-quis already for want of custome ; and if hee had not lately beene more beholding to Venus then to Mars , he had beene quite spent , long er'e this : Shee indeed now and then sends him in , those customers that are sicke in her quarters ; for most men now preuent physicke , either by death or warinesse ; either by running vpon violent and quick deathes , and so dying er'e physicke comes ; or if they fall out , neuer comming to bloud-shed , but onely to a few foolish wordes in their idle choler .

Chol.

What ? does he speake of me ? nay , that 's enough .

Sang.

But I 'le put vp my Siquis and pray most deuoutly to Aesculapius , or else my Master will be the first that will haue so much need of his owne physicke , as Salus her selfe will be scarce able to saue him .

Chol.

Soft , Sir , did not you misvse me , behind my backe ?

Sang.

Misvse thee ? alas ! I thought not on thee .

Chol.

No! did not you say , Idle Choler ? Choler strikes Sanguis . you shall know I am not idle .

Sang.

Why , how now Choler , are you so hot ?

Chol.

Yes , Sanguis , as hot as you for your bloud .

Sang.

I shall be about your eares , straight .

Chol.

They fight , and Choler breakes Sanguis his head . I shall vexe all the veines in your heart then .

Sang.

O , my head ! my head 's broke .

Chol.

'T is no matter , Sanguis ; ther 's custome for thy Master , beyond his expectation .

Sang.

And beyond mine too ; I 'll pray no more this good while for this tricke ; the gods are quicke of hearing , I perceiue ; Aesculapius has sent my Master a patient too soone , but the gods know 't is a sorry one ; but I shall remember you , Choler . Exit .

Chol.

Doe , doe ; I gaue you a remembrance on purpose ; but , what had the Rogue in this Si-quis ? I 'll put it together againe .

If there be any man woman , or child , that 's affected with any disease , whether it be luxation or dislocation of the bones , rupture , inflammation , obstruction , impostumation , consumption , or any vlcer , whether it be poxe , plague , or pestilence , or any destruction of nature , as dumbnesse , deafnesse , blindnesse , whether temporary and by accident , or continued from the birth ; or whatsoeuer disease incident to the body of man , that hath beene euer yet counted vncurable ; may it please him , or her , or that child , to repaire to the signe of the Vrinall , and they shall find a speedy saluation .

Why ? doe not I know Medicus ? and did I euer know that he knew this before ? well , he that performes all this , must be a god or a deuill : but now I thinke on 't better , I 'me halfe sorry I broke Sanguis his head ; for if my Master be hurt , he must repaire to this Medicus ; and then will Sanguis either pay my Master for my sake ; or make my Master pay me for his sake : I see , he that strikes in his choler , doth but repent afterwards ; well , I 'le correct his hastinesse of nature . Exit .

ACTVS II.
SCENA I.

In a blacke gowne , a blacke Sattin sute , a blacke beauer with a gold hat-band ; with a white staffe in his hand , &c. In a blacke hat with broad brims , a long gray beard , a coat with veluet lace , hanging-sleeues , and broad skirts , a paire of trunke-hose with panes , with a veluet pouch by his side , in a ruffe band , his garters tyed aboue knee : with a walking staffe in his hand . In a blacke close-bodied gowne , a ruffe , a broad brimd hat , a white apron , &c. In a greene gowne of branch'd veluet , a lac'd ruffe , on her head a coronet , about the border whereof stood the nine Worthies , and on the top of two crosse arches arising from the circle of the coronet stood Time , an old man with a long beard , at his feete lay a sithe , holding in one hand a crowne , in the other a whip : in gloues and white pumps . In a greene silke gowne a lac'd ruffe , wearing on her head a coronet , the border whereof was beset with red and white roses , in the front was exprest a garland of bayes with a palme of a band in the middest , and round about the border , aboue the roses , were describ'd palmes of hands , in gloues , and white pumps .

POLITES , ETHICVS , OECONOMA , HISTORIA , RHETORICA .

WEll , Historia , I see loue 's unruly euen in the wisest ; you may doe what you will ; but if you would be rul'd by your friends , my counsell should be that you would neuer fancie this Poeta , a fellow of that kinde of profession , which all Wise men haue euer banish'd out of the common-wealth , as being the Mother of lyes , the Nurse of abuse , and at the Best , but the worst of knowledge ; perhaps you may thinke Polites vses this disswasion because Poeta's poore ; ( which also I confesse in the Policy of an ordinary Discretion is to be considered ) but I professe I 'me chiefly moued at the vncertainty of his courses ; which I thinke would not very aptly consort with your sober consistency and stayednesse of life : but I le say no more ; good Ethicus , supply my roome .

Histor.

Reuerend Polites —

Ethic.

Nay , nay —

Rhetor.

Nay ? nay ? nay truly Ethicus , 't is good manners , to let her answere in her owne defence .

Ethic.

Nay , Rhetorica , we know you haue words at will ; euery woman has two tongues , and you haue Foure , 't will come to a fine passe in a while , if wee suffer euery young pert thing to be prachant , especially towards their elders , I may be thy father , wench , and I will speake . Thou art a greene-head , Historia ; I say that Poeta's a licentious fellow , a Drinker , a Dicer , a Wencher , a Ballad-maker , a Seducer of young minds , a Scoffer , a Libeller , a Sharker , an Humorist , an Epicure ; proud , phantasticall , sullen , slothfull , lewd , irreligious , and in a word an enemy to all the Gods and Vertues .

Histor.

Ha' you done ? you haue stucke cloues enow in your Orange to make it smell .

Ethic.

He speakes to Rhetorica . Nay , thou wench , I like thee better , though thou hast a shrewd Tongue : for thou hast set thine affection vpon Logicus , a fellow of some vnderstanding , and though hee has some of thy fault ( as a piece of thy tongue ) yet 't is likely hee 'l make a good House-keeper ; hee 's thrifty , thrifty , and I like that .

Oecon.

Historia walkes aside , and Oecon , takes her by the arme . Nay , pray Historia , take Oeconoma's counsell , or ( at least ) heare it , I le speake moderately .

Histor.

I shall the rather heare you then .

Oecon.

Indeed I thinke that Poeta will neuer proue a good house-keeper ; for he must haue nothing ( vnlesse it be himselfe ) out of Order in his house ; but euery thing forsooth so neate , so trim , as if folkes had nothing to doe but wait vpon his humorous sloth : but we that keepe houses ( by cocke a'py ) must ha' roome for baking , brewing , spinning , carding , washing , wringing , starching , setting , sleeking , pinning , folding , smoothing ; here a chaire , there a tub ; here a pan , there a kettle ; here a wheele , there a reele ; and a hundred such clutterments .

Histor.

It seemes you keepe a cleanely house ; but I pray , how long haue you beene married ?

Oecon.

Married ? why , thirtie fiue yeeres last Valentines day ; next Valentines day 't will be — iust as can be — thirtie sixe yeeres full , blessed be the day when it comes .

Histor.

You may then indeed haue forgot loue-sports by this time ; well , you are not angrie with me for hearing you ? are you ?

Oecon.

No .

Historia .

Why then , I must pray you likewise that you will not be offended , if I doe not follow what I heare .

Oecon.

Well , you may ( if you will ) let your owne yong head guide you ; fare you well , fare you well Shrewes ; I le pray , that you may haue good House-keepers to your Husbands .

Polites .

And I , that you may haue good Citizens .

Ethicus .

And I , that you may haue Honest men : farewell Shrewes . Exeunt Polites , Ethicus , Oeconoma .

Historia .

Fare you well ; you haue had a time to loue and woo , and so must we haue . These olde folkes thinke their Olde Age must carrie it away , as if they had wonne as cleere a Victorie from vs , as can be ; alas ! I le giue them leaue to vse their Dead Precepts , but if they once come to liuely Examples , I le vndertake my Selfe to conuince their best Experience . Poeta's loue indeed of late is much alienated from me , but as long I loue him , I le speake in his defence ; did you see how Polites did onely speake an Accusation against him ? and Ethicus Abuse his froward Age ; and Oeconoma Chafe out her weake coniecture ? and then , ( when they had rather shewed the Weaknesse of their Age ; then the Strength of their Reason , ) flung away , as if their Obiections could not be Answered , because they would not Heare an Answere . I would enquire of Polites ( if my Ancestors haue not mis-inform'd mee in Antiquitie ) whether in the Time of Herodotus , and after that , of Zenophon ( and since of many others ) there has not bin a like coniunction to Poeta's and Historia's ; and whether your chiefest Common-wealths-men , either of Former times as Plato ; or of Later , as the great Solon of the Utopian Common-wealth , haue not made a Poeticall inuention their chiefest glorie ? but there is no discoursing with Age ; especially , when it is possessed with a peruerse preiudice .

Rhetorica .

And did you marke with what a Strength of Heate , his Cold Feeblenesse set vpon me ? and I was Mistris Tongue ; and I was Nimble-tongu'd , and I had Foure tongues . But if the Eie of Age bee not so Dimme , but that it may Reflect vpon it selfe : if the Eare of Age be not so Peruerse , but that it may Admit a free Attention ; if the Reason of Age , will but yeeld to Reason ; then shall his Eie , his Eare , his Reason , bring in their seuerall informations against his Age . If wee should inquire with whom does reside the most refined Expolition of Language ; would it bee answered with Olde-folkes ? if we should inquire with whom does abide the most nimble vigour of purest Apprehension ; would it be answer'd with Old-folkes ? if we should inquire who are most tryed for Quicke Dispatch of weightie Affaires , would it be answer'd your Old-folkes ? whose Age brings Care , Care Weaknesse , Weaknes Frowardnes , Frowardnesse Distraction , Distraction Childishnesse : and thus running Round in the Circle of Time , growing Giddie , they fall downe vpon all Foure againe , like Children : Children I may call them for their Impotencie , not Innocencie : for their Peruersenesse , not Hopefulnesse ; for their Impatience , not Tendernesse ; for then would they afford a more Tender censure , of our more Tender loues : but let 's bee gone , and though they Chide , yet will wee Loue ; and I will sooner confesse my Tongue to want Eloquence , then my Loue of Logicus to want Reason .

Historia .

And I will truly acknowledge Historia Vnhappie in her loue , but neuer Poeta , vnworthy of her loue . Exeunt .

ACTVS II. SCENA II. CHOLER solus .

I Perceiue yet I am not so Hastie-natur'd , but there bee some as Hastie ; why , I would haue sworne Logicus had bin a fellow of Reason and very stayed , but ( Heauen defend me ) I almost quake to thinke what a thundering he kept , when he came to my Masters House , one while hee would Fight with Poeta , that hee would ; then hee would haue him in the Law , then againe he would Fight with him , then againe hee would goe to Law with him ; at the last hee resolues to doe both , though I know not whether hee will Performe either : if hee goe to Law ; my Master ( in Policie ) will let his Owne cause fall , to come in as a Witnesse for Logicus ; but i' the meane time I must serue for a Messenger to Carry this Challenge from Logicus to Poeta ; which I must see , that if I haue occasion to send one to Sanguis , I may know how to draw Bloud of him , before we e're come into the Field ; let 's see .

O Poeta , thou Poeta , base Nayle-byter , Deske-thumper , Head-scratcher : O Poeta , thou Poeta ; the very Bottle-Ale of frothy Humour , and , the floting Corke of Spungie Vanitie ; since thou hast ( though not per te , but , per alium ) by thy man Melancholico , ( but woe to thy man Melancholico ! ) with most audacious and iniurious indignitie flowne vp into my face ( but , oh dreadfull flying vp into my face ! ) know , if thou doest not make thy peace with mee , by a reconciling submission ( which you may doe , and I had rather you should doe , then fight . I neuer prouoked you ) I doe to thy perdition ( O speedy perdition ! thinke vpon that , and let mee not fight , I doe not prouoke you ) challenge thee O Poeta , thee Poeta , thy very selfe ( marke that ) to single Combat at any of these seuerall Weapons , ( for I onely grant thee the choice of thy death ) Battle-Axe , Single Rapier , Case of Ponyards , Case of Pistols , Bodkins , or Pinnes : but know that by my arte before-hand , I do Define thee a man of death ; & , for the executing of that dire-full iudgement , which yet thou mayst preuent ( and ô preuent by not prouoking me to fight ) I will cleaue thee from the crowne of thy head downe to thy girdle , with the fury of a Diuision . Briefly if thou art not reconcil'd , I shall gore thee with the Hornes of this Dilemma . If thou Come , Mine Innocencie will ouercome thee , if thou do'st Not Come , thine Owne Cowardlinesse : farewell till our next meeting with horrour , and then eternally thy ordain'd Destroyer ;

But I will not name my selfe , lest the sound thereof should kill thee with an astonishing feare , and so snatch thee from the terrour of my prodigious furie .

Well , I le goe carry Poeta this Letter of Commission for his Execution , and if he haue the heart to reade it through , without fallng into halfe a dozen sounds , I le say hee has a good heart ; but I must haste , or else I thinke Logicus himselfe will ouertake me . Exit .

ACTVS II.
SCENA . III . LOGICVS .

O The soule of Aristotle ! I was neuer in such a Praedicament before in all my life : well , I le to Causidicus , they say his house is here about , and I thinke this bee it : ho , who 's within ?

Causidicus .

From within . Who 's there ?

Logicus .

There 's an answere indeede ; when I aske who 's within ? he askes , who 's without ?

Enter CAVSIDICVS in a Lawyers Gowne , a lac'd Ruffe , a black Hat , black Suite , Gloues , Silk-stockins , Garters , Roses , &c.

O , saue you Sir , do's not one Master Causidicus dwell here ?

Caus.

Yes , what would you haue Sir ?

Logicus .

Haue Sir ! nay , I haue more alreadie then I would haue .

Caus.

If you haue any businesse , you may impart it to me .

Logicus .

Businesse ? then I perceiue you are all for Businesse , you haue but little entertainment for a friend ; well Sir , are not you a Lawyer ?

Caus.

I may not denie my profession , Sir .

Logicus .

If then you are a Lawyer Sir , you are either a Ciuill Lawyer , or an vnciuill , you must admit a Diuision , Sir , for your Lawyers are Aequiuocall , and therefore carefully to be distinguished before you be defin'd .

Caus.

Sir , I must confesse , I am not a Ciuill Lawyer , yet I trust not an Vnciuill .

Logicus .

Nay , Sir , my Diuision holds ; I prooue it ; Either you are a Ciuill Lawyer , or you are not a Ciuill Lawyer : But you confesse you are not a Ciuill Lawyer : Ergo , you are an Vnciuill Lawyer .

Caus.

Well then , Sir , if you would haue it so , I am an Vnciuill Lawyer .

Logicus .

Marrie Sir , I then feare you will scarce plead my cause well : for my complaint is gainst an Vnciuill fellow , and therefore I much suspect your vprightnesse : but yet since I cannot make choice , I must vse you ; but Sir , you must giue me leaue to holde you a little longer vpon some Interrogatories : if you are an Vnciuill Lawyer , then you are either an Extraordinarie Lawyer or a Common Lawyer .

Caus.

Faith , I am no extraordinarie Lawyer , and therefore ( if you will ) a Common Lawyer .

Logius. Hum.

Indeed had you bin an Extraordinarie Lawyer , you had bin a Disorderly Lawyer : for , though they are called Canon Lawyers , yet are they most Extrauagant . But againe Sir , if you are a Common Lawyer , you are to be suspected ; for commonly your Common Lawyers are to be suspected .

Enter PHLEGMATICO in a pale russet Suite ; on the backe whereof was express'd one filling a Pipe of Tobacco ; on the brest one taking Tobacco ; his Hat beset round about with Tobacco-pipes : with a Can of drinke hanging at his girdle .

But who comes yonder ? Phlegmatico , my valiant Armor-bearer .

Phlegmatico .

'Fore loue most Meteorologicall Tobacco ! He takes Tobacco , drinkes , and then spawles . ( againe ) Pure Indian ! ( againe ) Not a lot Sophisticated ( againe ) A Tobacco-pipe is the Chimney of perpetuall Hospitalitie ( againe ) 'Fore loue most Metropolitane Tobacco ! He drinkes againe and Sings , while Logicus , and Causidicus priuately withdraw to the side of the Stage .

TObacco's a Musician And in a Pipe delighteth ; It descends in a Close , Through the Organ of the nose , With a Rellish that inuiteth . This makes me sing So ho , ho , So ho ho boyes , Ho boyes sound J loudly ; Earth ne're did breed Such a iouiall weed Whereof to boast so proudly . Tobacco is a Lawyer , His pipes doe loue Long Cases : When our braines it enters , Our feete doe make Indentures , Which we Seale with stamping paces . This makes me sing , So ho , &c. Tobacco's a Physician Good both for Sound and Sickly : T' is a Hot Perfume That expells Cold Rhewme , And makes it flow downe quickly . This makes me sing , &c. Tobacco is a Trauellour Come from the Indies Hether ; It pass'd Sea and Land Ere it came to my hand , And scap'd the Wind , and Wether . This makes me sing , &c. Tobacco is a Critticke , That still Old Paper Turneth ; Whose Labour , and Care Is as Smoke in the Aire , That ascends from a rag when it burneth . This makes me sing , &c. Tobacco's an Ignis fatuus , A Fat and Fyrie vapour ; That leads men about Till the Fire be Out , Consuming like a Taper , This makes me sing , &c. Tobacco is a Whiffler , And cryes Huff Snuff with furie ; His Pipe 's his Club and Linke ; Hee 's the visor that does drinke ; Thus arm'd I feare not a Iurie . This makes me sing So ho ho , So ho ho boyes , Ho boyes sound I loudly : Earth ne're did breed Such a Iouiall weed , Whereof to boast so proudly . Logicus .

'Faith 't is my man Phlegmatico , hee 's at his rheumatike antidote ; but I le —

Phleg.

My Master , and I saw him not !

Logicus .

He takes away his Pipe , breakes it , and beates him . Nay , neuer put vp your pipe , you shall not be gon so . A fire burne this Tobacco .

Phleg.

It would , if you would haue let it alone , Sir .

Logicus .

You 're my Target-bearer , sirrah , are you not ? a present defence at a desperate combat : beare this also home with you , till I bring you more my selfe , you slauering rogue . Exit . Phleg . Looke Master Causidicus , I haue by Action exprest , what my Passion before would scarce haue afforded words to deliuer ; I my selfe was in like sort beaten by a Varlet , but vpon an vnlike cause , most iniuriously ; and now I come to you to be my aduocate , and if you will stand my friend , I shall not bee wanting to content you in any reasonable sort ; and , because you Lawyers are somewhat Tongue-tide , suffer me to be the Midwife to cut the string thereof , with this Siluer Penny . Nay , 'pray Sir be not womanish , you shall take it .

Causid.

Sir , I count my Profession Crown'd , when I plead most causes : and since I haue at this present Sir , some importunate auocation of businesses ; I will promise you a meditated defence , and when you please but to intimate the instant of your necessitie , I shall fly to you as swiftly , as with the wings of Angels . Sir , I partly know you , is not your name Master Logicus ?

Logicus .

I am called so , Sir .

Cau.

Then fare you well , good Master Logicus . Exit Cau.

Logicus .

Fare you well good Master Causidicus . Now looke to thy selfe Poeta , for I shall make thee fly to thy rayling Iambicks : but looke to thy selfe , I say , for I haue put a sword into a mad-mans hand against thee . Exit .

ACTVS II.
SCENA . IIII . ARITHMETICA , GEOMETRES .

I Perceiue to what Center all the lines of your Circle tend .

Geom.

You would rather say to what Circumference all the lines runne from my Center .

Arith.

Loe , now you haue confes'd : and is 't Astronomia that must so Out-shine Arithmetica ? well , were her beauties as the Starres , I le make them want the beautie of all beauties , Number ; that they shall onely bee vncertainely gaz'd vpon , vnder an Indefinite multitude .

Geom.

You 're out , you 're out in your Account Arithmetica , beleeue mee you are : I onely intimated your suspicion , not expres'd mine owne desires .

Arith.

Well , Geometres , I haue knowne the time when your loue to Arithmetica was more Solid , and not thus Superficiall ; the time was when Geometres would not doe any thing without Arithmetica ; not measure a Foote of ground , but aske of Arithmetica how many Inches it was ; not an Inch but inquire of Arithmetica how many Graines were in 't : but now forsooth the pride of his desires is rais'd to an Higher pitch ; and now Astronomia is the Starre vpon which his eye is fixt , and now Astronomia is the Magnetique Pole , after which the Load-stone of his heart doth turne . And Astronomia —

Geom.

Peace .

Arith.

What ? can't you endure to heare the name of your dearest Astronomia ?

Geom.

Not from that mouth .

Arith.

Because I cannot praise her Infinitely ? why then me thinks not from your owne , because you cannot praise her without Measure ; well , Geometres , forgiue me , but I must loue thee . Come , dearest ; I le be a Globe , be thou the Axle-tree : I le be a Circle , be thou the Diameter : I le be —

Geom.

A chaste virgin ! I thinke shee 'l get her selfe with childe by an imagination , without marrying ; for shee doth already , me thinks , Multiply exceedingly , and Bring foorth : well , I le leaue you , or else there is no way , Arithmetica , to stay your Progression . Exit Geometres .

Arith.

Well , Geometres , know , when thou once forsakest Number , thou then run'st headlong into confusion ; but this is the misery of inthral'd affections ; yet since I cannot dissettle them , I will mitigate them ; and so long count them at least supportable , as they shall not exceede Number and Measure .

ACTVS II. SCENA V. POETA .

Melancholico enters , takes money and departs . HIst , Melancholico , passion o' me ! I had almost forgot the maine point of the businesse : heere — giue that to Causidicus . A man may as well open an Oister without a knife , as a Lawyers mouth without a fee ; but if he were halfe dead , that would ( like strong-water to a dying man ) make him Gape , though he could not speake . O the Serpentine ingratitude of man ! that these snakes , whom I haue nourished in my bosome , should now sting me ! This Logicus , a base , dry-brain'd kecks-witted clinch-fist , not long agoe , perceiuing his fortunes to bee brought to a desperate praecipitation ; through the incomprehensible difficultie of his Artlesse curiosities , most fawningly embosomes himselfe into my acquaintance , vpon a former consideration of my alluring faculty ; and in the dustie termes of some cob-web eloquence , blunderingly stammerd out his extreme , his extreme wants : for he had onely so much enforc'd rhetoricke , as to bring out those words twice , & so by chance light vpon a sorry Figure ; then brutishly he expres'd the rest , rather by crying then speaking ; ( & indeed he had no more moisture else in him , then only to bewaile his owne miserie ) when asking what was his request , he answer'd , that I would turne his vnpleasant rules into pleasant Verse : I straight out of the open freenes of my nature and an effuse goodnesse , preuented the repetition of his sute , by a quicke consent ; thereupon set my selfe a worke , and after some trauaile perform'd it : Some Trauaile I say ; for by the Nine Muses , I thinke I was aboue Nine Moneths in trauaile with that monstrous birth : If one but consider what splay-footed verses they were , a man would sweare , that some infernall hagge , not a Muse ( though vnwilling ) had beene the mother of them ; which vnhappy labour when I had shew'd vnto him , the reuiuing wretch falles on 's knees , admires the worke , calles me the Aesculapius of his saluation , and with hands lifted vp , vowes to pay his vowes at the Muses altar ; that I now more admir'd at his admiration , then at the deformities of mine owne Worke : for , by Ioue , they are such vnblest , such vnluckie verses , that , besides the losse of custome , which they may iustly procure the Authour , they are able to make a man bee suspected for a Coniurer ; there wants nothing but a Circle to make a complete coniuration . Fecana , Caieti , Dafenes , Hebare , Gedaco , Gebali stant , non stant , Febas , Hebas , Hecas . Sure I thinke it should haue beene Hecate . Well , he enioyes them ; and vpon the happinesse of this successe came Grammaticus to me with the like sute : 'faith I did it , and cast most of his Rules likewise into Verse : but by Ioue , since the proud Schoole-master has show'd himselfe thus vngracious and stiffe-necked towards me , I le bee euen with him ; and now I thinke on 't , there 's all his Syntaxis yet to doe ; but by this hand , if euer I turne line of it into Verse , let me hereafter bee a meere Heteroclite , and the very Aptoton of a foole per omnes casus .

ACTVS II. SCENA VI.

PHYSIOGNOMVS . CHEIROMANTES . The one of a greater stature , the other little : attir'd like Rogues , in totter'd apparrell , with black faces like Gypsies ; in flat round caps close to their heads , without bands and girdles , with truncheons in their hands .

PHYSIOGNOMVS , CHEIROMANTES , POETA .

LEt 's set vpon him . The gods preserue you Sir , from the blacke dragon of the night .

Cheir.

The broad eye of the Heauens still attend you Sir .

Phys.

And grant that the sweet Fairies may nightly put money in your shooes Sir .

Cheir.

And sweepe your house cleane Sir .

Phys.

And make you the rich husband of many wiues .

Cheir.

And the blest father of many children .

Phys.

The gods of the night send you happy dreames .

Cheir.

And that you may neuer pare your nailes vpon a Friday .

Phys.

And that the horse-shoo may neuer bee pul'd from your threshold .

Cheir.

And that your Stables may bee alwaies free from the queene of the Goblins .

Phys.

That your nose may neuer bleed only three drops at a time .

Cheir.

That a yellow Death-mould may neuer appeare vpon your hand , or any part of your body .

Phys.

That you may neuer stumble at your going out in the morning .

Cheir.

That you may —

Poeta .

Be ridde of you Varlets . What Aegyptian darknes has seaz'd vpon your faces ?

Phys.

Wee are indeed from Aegypt-land , and 't please your good vrship : Brother , by the Ruffian , I thinke this is a quier coue , he cuts such quier whidds : Good Sir , if you be a Gentry coue , vouchsafe some small Win or but a Make , for wee haue neither Lowre , nor Libbeg , nor Libkin .

Cheir.

No by Salomon , vnlesse it be Strommell sometimes in a Skipper ; wee had rather Mawnd then Mill to keepe vs from Trining .

Phys.

Good Gentry coue vouchsafe vs a little Lowre , or some old Duddes , as a Castir or a Commission .

Poeta .

Marry if I had a Commission , I knew what to doe with you .

Cheir.

Ah , your good vrship , to couer our Quarommes , that our wants may not driue vs to the Chates — let me see your Famble good Master .

Poeta .

My Famble Villaine ? This is almost as bad as the language of Logicus .

Phys.

Ah your good vrship ! it is the Gypsy language : the vrship of the gods blesse your faire Glasiers , and looke out with your mercifull eyne .

Cheiro.

Gentle Ruler of this place , if so you be , vouchsafe to fauour vs in the way of truth for the gods cause .

Phys.

Somewhat towards a meales meate , Well and Wisely bestow vpon vs , and the Go-ads reward you for 't .

Cheir.

Ah good Master well and wisely , giue mee but an old sheete against the cold , or an old Petticoat or smocke of my Mistres's ( Heauen saue her life ) for my poore Doxy .

Phys.

Good Sir giue but a cuppe of your best drinke well and wisely . The gods saue the King and his Counsell , and the gouernours of this place ; you shall haue a faire wife Master , and many children .

Poeta .

Ha! a faire wife and many children ? how know'st thou that ? what 's thy name ?

Phys.

Physiognomus , good Master .

Poeta .

And thine ?

Cheir.

Cheiromantes , and 't like your good vrship .

Poeta .

Physiognomus , and Cheiromantes ? Why what can you doe ?

Phys.

We can tell the will of the Heauens good Master ; we can tell your fortune , Master .

Cheir.

We can tell the will of the Heauens good Master ; we can tell your fortune , Master .

Poeta .

My fortune ? why what 's my fortune ?

Cheir.

You shall haue a very faire wife .

Poeta .

Shall haue ? thou mean'st , Would haue .

Cheir.

No Historie euer made mention of so faire a one ; she shall be as beautifull as the Starres .

Poeta .

Ha! as beautifull as the Starres ? and no Historie euer made mention of so faire a one ? why that is , it shall not be Historia but Astronomia . I 'me crown'd ! Sirrah , you flatter mee .

Cheir.

It is the decree of the gods Sir .

Poeta .

Why now my dreame 's out .

Cheir.

You shall haue many children , and one of them shall be borne with Teeth in his head , and his name shal be Satyrico .

Poeta .

Nay , I le beare with any misfortune in my children , so I may bee happy in my wife . O diuine Astronomia , why ? was not this my very dreame ?

Whilst Poeta lookes vp earnestly , Cheiromantes picks his pocket , takes out a booke and a purse , and so he with Physiognomus departs . ME thought as on a shadie banke I lay , The whilst a murm'ring Brooke did gently play With his soft sliding waues , and did complaine How Astronomia did my loue disdaine ; A Ladie , like my Loue , in Heau'n did stand , The Sunne and Moone waiting on either hand : And when I spake , shee Frown'd : and , when I cri'd , Shee , with a wanton smile , seem'd to deride . At last the Sunne and Moone did both descend , And vnto me , me thought , their course did bend . But when they were drawne nigh , they both appear'd Cole-blacke ; that with the wonder I was fear'd . They came and kiss'd me , and then suddainly They both did vanish from my trembling eye . The Lady then , seeming to smile , did make A signe vnto me , and did bid me take The Teian Poet , sweet Anacreon , My indiuiduall companion , And in my natiue language to translate His Niobe , and as it was her fate To turne into a stone ; so I by this Should find a stranger Metamorphosis : And shee , that I did loue , should change her heart Of stone , and by her loue release my smart . I tooke my booke and straight translated it ; ( Lines soone are pen'd when Loue doth dictate wit ) With that me thought shee pull'd me vp vnto her , And said ; I le now refresh thee my grieu'd wooer . Shee pull'd me vp , and when I was eu'n crown'd With Heau'n , shee let me fall backe to the ground . When with the fall me thought I lost my deare Anacreon , and that increas'd my feare . Then with this double feare I straight awake , And my faint ioynts with a chill horror shakt . I le comment thus : that face that from aboue Appear'd , was the faire image of my loue , Bright Astronomia : and the darkned Sun And Moone that graciously vouchsaft to run From their owne Spheare to kisse me , were these two Blacke , but glad messengers ( if this be true They doe pronounce ) and therefore they were sent From heau'n , because they knew the gods intent . The turning of Anacreon doth imply I shall obtaine her loue by Poësie . And , ere I rose , this morne I made my quill Expresse Anacreons Iönian skill . Verses can draw the Moone from Heau'n ; then may My lines , if blest , winne Astronomia . Her letting me fall downe , was not true story , But fain'd by enuious sleepe to make me sorry . So was the losing my Anacreon : But dearest friend , as yet thou art not gone : No , no , my hopes and ioyes are too too great ; And these doe flatter me too much —

But stay — O my Anacreon , my Anacreon , He feeles in his pockets , & finds himselfe coozen'd . I haue lost my Anacreon : Varlets , Villaines , I 'me deluded , my pockets are pickt ; I haue lost my Anacreon : did I dreame ? or did I make Verses ? or was I mad ? now my dreame 's out , 't is out indeed , all ; for now I remember me , I left out the worst part vnexpounded , and that was their vanishing from me : well , this 't is to be a Starre-gazer , and fall into a pit ; I was thinking of Astronomia , when I was by promise to haue met with Geographus : well , I le pursue my first intendment , and to Geographus for the learning of the languages ; and feare ne're a corriuall vnder Heauen , now Mithridates , and Scaliger are dead . Exit Poeta .

ACTVS II. SCENA VII.

in a Physicians gowne , a lac'd ruffe-band , a blacke Sattin sute , silke stockings , garters , roses , &c.

MAGVS , ASTROLOGIA , MEDICVS , PHYSIOGNOMVS , CHEIROMANTES .

I , But Medicus , who brought you word that Poeta was sicke ?

Medic.

Why , Historia has sent one vnto mee , now to intreat me to minister vnto him my best physicke ; and the messenger told me ( as he heard , it seemes ) the occasion thereof , which was , that Historia who was in loue with him , hearing that he was hurt in a fray with Logicus and Grammaticus , out of the iealous feare of her abundant loue , sent to me thus carefully , vpon the suspicion of his hurt .

Magus .

Why , Physiognomus , did Poeta seeme to you , to be well ?

Physiog.

Yes , ifaith ; or if hee were sicke 't was more in mind then in body .

Magus .

Well , Medicus , where 's the messenger ?

Medic.

Why , at my house expecting my returne .

Magus .

Backe then , in all haste , and by her seruant send him poyson , that if he be sicke he may die : and so one may be remou'd out of Geometres his way . And if the poyson chance to be discouer'd , thou maist pretend 't was her treachery , because he does not loue her , and that thy physicke was good .

Medic.

Let mee alone , I warrant you ; but if I can but once come to the handling of him my selfe , I le giue him but a clyster , & blow him vp with a Pouder , I warrant him . Exit Med.

Magus .

But , Physiognomus , are you sure 't was he ? did not you mistake him ?

Physiog.

Faith , neither of vs knew him very well ; but Cheiromantes has brought some testimonies from him .

Magus .

What , I prethee ? what ?

Cheiro.

Mary , Sir , a booke , and that I thinke is a signe of a Scholer ; but I haue a purse too , and that , I thinke , is not a signe of a Scholer .

Magus .

What 's in 't ? what 's in 't ?

Cheiro.

Nay , I le sweare , wee both ran since I Nimb'd it , that wee durst not be so bold yet , as to take leisure to looke in 't , but now I le see .

Magus .

What 's this ? Anacreon ? an old bawdy Poet ? a fit companion for such a Gallant .

Cheiro.

A fire burne it ; here 's nothing but a scuruy paper .

Magus .

But a murren , how couldst thou possibly get these things from him ?

Physiog.

Faith , Cheiromantes , by the slight of the Hand did it very neatly .

Cheiro.

I , 'faith , I ha' the tricke on 't : for ( a rapture of loue seizing on him , and casting him into an extasie ) hee fell a talking to himselfe of a dreame he had : I seeing he was falne into a Dreame , perswaded my selfe he was fast asleepe ; and so presumptuously diu'd into his pockets , whence I brought these spoiles .

Magus .

Good , good , prethee let 's see the paper .

Anacreons Niobe , or his Lyricks to his loue , beginning with the daughter of Tantalus or Niobe , thus , {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} . Translated by mee this morning vpon occasion of my celestiall vision .

Astrol.

Prettie , prettie , why these Poets , they are all of them borne , I thinke , vpon Friday at the sixt houre , for then Venus has the dominion of the Day , & Mars of the Houre ; now the Planet of the Day does chiefly gouerne their Actions , and the Planet of the Houre does admixe a Subordinate Influence , and that 's the reason that your Poets haue more of Venus in them then Mars ; yet sometimes they are in combats , as lately Poeta : so on the other side your Warriors for the most part are borne vpon Tuesdaies at the third houre , for then Mars has the dominion of the Day , and Venus of the Houre , and therefore your Warriors haue more of Mars then Venus .

Magus .

Well , let 's reade them .

To his Loue . NIOBE , as they say , once stood Turn'd to a stone by Phrygian flood , PANDIONS daughter ( so fame sings ) Chang'd to a Swallow had swift wings , But I a Looking-glasse would bee , Still to be lookt vpon by Thee : Or I ( my Loue ) would be thy Gowne , By Thee to be worne vp and downe . Or a pure Well full to the brimmes , That I might wash Thy purer limmes . Or I 'd be precious Balme to 'Noynt With choisest care each Choisest ioynt . Or , if I might , I would be ( faine ) About Thy necke thy happy Chaine . Or would it were my blessed hap To be the Lawne o're Thy faire Pap . Or would I were thy Shoo to bee Daily but Trod vpon by Thee .

Prettie , prettie , by the dimpled chin of my Astrologia , prettie ; I le giue the rascall his Anacreon againe ( because I cannot tell what to doe with it ) for this tricke , and tell him I found it , and so make him fall in loue with mee most poetically ; well , my little rascals , expect a better bootie of some richer bodie the next time ; be gone : but be in readinesse , there is to be a banquet at Ethicus his house , for the reconciling of Logicus , Grammaticus , and this Poeta , if hee can be there , and I with Astrologia are inuited thither , wherefore if there should be any occasion of imployment for you , be at hand .

Physiog. Cheiro.

Wee warrant you .

Exeunt Physiognomus & Cheiromantes . Magus .

Now , Astrologia , take that powder , and according to my instructions at the banquet , see that Astronomia drinke it off , and I warrant her then , 't will make her loue our more lou'd Geometres .

Astrol.

Feare not , I know alreadie by the Starres 't will take effect . Exit Astrologia .

Magus .

Farewell ; I must to Geometres , or else i'faith he 'll Coniure me for staying . Exit Magus .

ACTVS II. SCENA VIII. POETA , GEOGRAPHVS , PHANTASTES .

FOr the learning of your languages , Sir , I must confesse , I doe highly approue of it , but I see no such necessitie of trauailing , beside the danger and expence that must be vndergone .

Geogr.

O , Sir , I could tell you such wonders , as would inflame you with a desire .

Poet.

As what , I pray you , Sir ?

Geogr.

Sir , I can impart such rarities of relation vnto you , as would amaze you ; and yet they are familiar to a Trauailour . In a City of Greece , I remember I saw the admired net , which Vulcan made to entangle Mars and Venus ; and 't is hang'd vp in a Temple dedicated to the same god , and by himselfe was giuen thereunto , to the terror of all Cuckold-makers for euer .

Poet.

O strange ! but , Sir , as I remember that net was inuisible .

Geogr.

Hum — oh — true Sir , it was inuisible , but , Now Sir — it is to be seene .

Phant.

Sir , I will take leaue to helpe a little my Masters memorie , not his inuention ; for by Ioue , Sir , and by the Artemisian Mausoleum , which these eyes , not without amazement , haue beheld , 't is true ; thus 't was , Sir : it can be seene by any honest man ; but if any Adulterer casts his eyes towards it , he presently loses his sight , and therefore it is their manner of Triall for those that are accus'd of adulterie .

Poet.

O wonderfull !

Geogr.

Nay , Sir , in another place of Greece there is a round , close Valley , incompassed with exceeding high Hills ; only on one side there is a narrow entrance into it & through the middest of it runnes a delicate streame , by the banke of which if a man stand , he shall as perfectly heare the Musike of the Spheares , as if he were amongst them : and the cause of this , by the inhabitants is thought to be the height of the Hills : which keeping-in the sound , and bringing it down to the water , does by an aëriall resultancy produce a most reciprocall representation of the diuine harmonie .

Poet.

Oh , that I was not made a trauailour !

Geogr.

Nay , Sir , moreouer it is so sweet , that the hearer can neuer leaue hearing of his owne accord , but stands still .

Poet.

O wonderfull ! but then I pray , Sir , how does hee come away ?

Geogr.

Hum — faith I was told the deuice of that , but I haue forgot .

Phant.

O , Sir , I perfectly remember it , 't was thus : The inhabitants haue , at the foot of the out-side of the Hill , dig'd forth an entrance , and vnderneath haue made a Vault which reaches iust to the banke of the Riuer , all along the side of which , they haue made a many trap-doores , and so when a man has heard enough , they vnbolt the trap-doores within , and let him slide downe gently .

Poet.

Oh admirable ! but mee thinks when the doore is open , they should heare it below likewise in the Vault , and stand still there too .

Phant.

Well , Sir , by my Mothers soule ( that oath I learn't in Spaine ) 't is a truth ; and the reason it cannot be heard lower , is , because the sound does not descend below the water .

Poet.

Indeed , that 's an excellent reason .

Phant.

Nay , by Ioue , Sir , I scorne to lie ; I scorne to speake any thing without reason , by Ioue ; by Ioue , I le giue as good a reason of those things I know , as any man vnder the cope of Heauen ; I will , by Ioue .

Geogr.

Why , I haue seene white beares with faces would make you fall in loue with them .

Poet.

O strange ! white beares ! and yet indeed I haue heard that a late in America there are white beares , but they are most terrible .

Geogr.

Nay , Sir , and these haue long tailes .

Poet.

That 's somewhat worth the admiration ; and yet I thinke all Beares at first had long tailes , or else why should the Beare in the heauens haue one !

Geogr.

'T is true ; yet ( if you marke it ) 't is broken .

Poet.

O , that came thus ; when Iupiter pull'd him vp to heauen by the taile , the waight of his body broke it , whereupon Iupiter caught him by the rumpe , and so tyed his taile together againe , & that is the reason of the knot in the middle of it , and so it has euer since hung slopeling downe-ward , if you marke it .

Geogr.

Againe , Sir , in my trauailes in Tuscany , I beheld a most curious piece of Architecture ; it was an hall built in the forme of a crosse , that , which way soeuer the wind sate , or the sunne shin'd , a man might alwayes goe to one of the ends , and so decline the present violence of the season : and as in an arbour vnto which the Sun has accesse , you shall see boughes at the top correspondently represented on the ground in the shaddow : so whatsoeuer curious work was seene in the roofe of this building , the same vnderneath was exprest in the Floore .

Poet.

I fancie the conceit prettily .

Phant.

Nay , Sir ; I le tell you a wonder , wee met with a Trauailour that could speake some sixe languages at the same instant .

Poet.

How ? at the same instant ! that 's impossible .

Phant.

Nay , Sir , the actualitie of the performance puts it beyond all contradiction . With his tongue hee 'd vowell you out as smooth Italian , as any man breathing : with his Eye he would sparkle forth the proud Spanish : with his Nose blow out most Robustious Dutch : the Creaking of his High-heel'd Shoo would articulate exact Polonian : The knocking of his shin-bones Foeminine French : and his Belly would grumble most pure and Scholer-like Hungary .

Poet.

How ? his Belly speake ?

Phant.

Alas , that 's the least wonder , for at what time Pythagoras flourish'd , that was a familiar thing with his Scholers : and I may confirme it by a perswasiue induction drawne from your Pythonisses , and your new-fashion'd Lutes that sound from within , Sir , from within : nay , besides all this , Sir , at the same time his Eares could sing , and his Braines crow ; and he could Laugh till the teares stood in 's Eyes .

Poet.

O wonderfull ! wonderfull !

Geogr.

If you please , Sir , now to imploy mee , not onely my Wants , but also my Loue shall make mee diligently respectfull .

Poet.

Sir , I courteously accept your offered indeuours .

Geogr.

Ah , dearest Astronomia , 't is for thy sake I doe thus . He speakes this aside to himselfe , and Poeta ouer-heares him .

Poet.

How ? for Astronomia's ? [ hee spake that to himselfe ] Sir , I am on a suddaine lesse well affected , wherefore pardon , I pray you , an abrupt intreating of your present departure , and some speedie occasion shall shortly offer a second meeting .

Geog.

Well Sir , we thanke you ; Apollo be alwayes the Patrone of your Muse and Health .

Poeta .

For Astronomia's sake ? why ? is he in loue with her ? ( For Astronomia's sake ! ) or is hee in loue with mee ! I woun't torture my selfe , I le expound gently ; Hee 's in loue with mee , and because ( it may be ) he heares I loue her , hee accounts ( it may bee ) that hee does this , that I may obtaine her : and thus ( it may be ) hee meanes hee does this for Her : This is Scuruie ; Master Geographus you haue marr'd your owne Market ; my stomacke 's turn'd ; I haue Tongues enow for a wise-man ; thousands before me haue got Wife and Children , more then thy could keepe , without learning the Languages ; and therefore from hence-forth , for feare of the worst , you may , Master Geographus , ( if you please ) vndertake a second Trauell .

ACTVS III .
SCENA I.

in his Night-cap and Slippers , vnbutton'd and vntrust .

POETA . Melancholico comes in , and layes down his Lute & departs . BE not farre off . That nothing is entire ! Nothing all-blest ! but still some new desire Brings a new torture ! and this Fate does lie , An heauie weight on all mortalitie ! It does ; thus was not lately my affection Chain'd to Historia by a strong subiection ? Did I not pule , and pine , intreate , and crie ? Pretend a sicknesse ? threaten I would die , If she not lou'd me ? did I not act all The frantike parts wherewith Loue does inthrall His Rebell-Subiects ? Did I not looke Sad If shee but Frown'd ; and , if shee Smil'd , looke Glad ? I did ; and tooke delight to be inchain'd To her , Hope said at last shee might be gain'd . Yet see the wheele of change ! I now doe scorne Her teares , and now she thinkes her selfe forlorne . Mel. Pardon my intrusion Sir , Historia Melancholico enters . Hearing you were hurt lately in a Fray , Has in her iealousie of loue sent here Some Physicke , to preuent a greater feare . Poeta . She should haue sent me Poyson , far from her I count it so ; yet let the Messenger Returne our courteous gratitude . Begon . Exit Melancholico . Lo , thus vexations neuer come alone ; Well , I woun't loue her ; nay , I le haue her more Hence-forth ; she plagues me worse then before . Enter MELANCHALICO , and SANGVIS . Mel. Pardon once more , Sir , here comes sent by her , Medicus , Seruant to administer The Physicke . Poeta . — Why , I prethee know I lacke No Physicke , there 't is , thou maist carry 't backe . Sanguis .

The Gods forbid , Sir , this is Poyson . Sanguis lookes on the poyson .

Poeta .

— How !

Sanguis .

'T is Poyson , Sir .

Poeta . — Why ? it was sent but now From my Loue-sicke Historia . Sanguis . — So 't may be : They 'ue chang'd my Masters Physicke . Poeta . — Oh to see The Treacherie of women ! well , conceale The fact as yet ; iust time shall all reueale . Exeunt MELANCHOLICO , and SANGVIS . O Women , Witches , Monsters , Furies Deuils , The impure extract of a World of euils ; Natures great Errour ; the obliquitie Of the Gods Wisdome ; and th' Anomalie From all that 's good ; I 'l curse you all below The Center , and , if I could , then further throw Your cursed heads ; and if any should gaine A place in Heau'n , I le time 'em downe againe To a worse ruine ; yet me thinkes I heare How Astronomia whispers in mine eare , And begs a Pardon for them ; well ; to thee I 'l yeeld , thou stand'st aboue mortalitie . Aspire , my gentle Muse , inflame my brest ; Then thus my gracefull loue shall be exprest . Her Brow is like a braue Heroicke line , That does a sacred Maiestie inshrine . Her Nose Phaleuciake-like in comely sort Ends in a Trochie , or a long and short . Her Mouth is like a prettie Dimeter ; Her Eie-browes like a little-longer Trimeter . Her Chinne is an Adonicke ; and her Tongue — Is an Hypermeter , somewhat too-long . Her Eies , I may compare them vnto two Quick-turning Dactyles , for their nimble View . Her Necke Asclepiad-like turnes round about Behind , before a little bone stands out . Her Ribs like Staues of Sapphickes doe descend Thither , which but to name were to offend . Her Armes like two Iambickes rais'd on hie , Doe with her Brow beare equall Maiestie . Her Legs like two strait Spondies , keep a pace Slow as two Scazons , but with stately grace . Thankes to my Muse ; yet why doe I admire Her thus , whom I enioy but by desire ? For more I neuer shall ; this is my waight Of griefe , and this my preordained Fate . He takes vp his Lute . Come , come , thou part of Heau'n , companion Of all my woes and loues , thou that alone Dost in the mid'st of sorrowes yeeld reliefe , And though not take away , make lesse my griefe . He playes on his Lute , then leaues off , and speakes againe . My dearest Lute , Apoollo's best inuention Wherewith he does compose the wilde dissention Of our vntun'd desires , which would confound Vs quite , but that they breake forth with a sound ! Sighes from our brests are like sounds from thy wombe , Borne dead , and buri'd in an aërie Tombe . Sigh then to Cupid , tell him he 's too blame Not raising in my loue a mutuall flame . He playes on his Lute , and leauing off , cals to his man MELANCHOLICO .

Ho , Melancholico .

Mel.

— Here Sir .

Poeta .

— Begon .

Mel.

Did you not call me Sir ?

Poeta .

— Sirrah , begon .

He playes a little on his Lute , and then cals MELANCHOLICO againe .

Ho , Melancholico .

Mel.

— Sir .

Poeta .

Dance , I say , Dance .

Mel.

— I can't .

Poeta . — Sirrah , dance that which I play . He playes the Antique on his Lute , and MELANCHOLICO dances , then abruptly leauing off , he speakes to him . Begon : MELANCHOLICO continues dancing . Sirrah , begon . Hee playes againe on his Lute , and suddenly leauing off , throwes it away . — Away , away , Charmer , Inchanter , t is a truth to say , Our bodies cast their shapes into the Ayre , And can appeare when they are gon ; so rare Philosophers haue held , and so I hold : Pardon , great Astronomia , I was bold , Too-bold , I doe confesse , but my dimme sight Could not before behold thee though so bright . But now mine eyes are cleer'd ; on my bow'd knee , I aske a Pardon of thy Maiestie . Pardon thy Poet , and vouchsafe this grace , He faines Astronomia to be present , fals on his knees , imbraces and kisses the ayre : then rises . That thy rich beauties he may thus imbrace . And now , deare Loue , adde hereunto one kisse , And then thou shalt in heau'n my soule with blisse . Maro , thy Riddle 's solu'd : I thus vntye The knot , which thou didst knit , mens wits to try . Dic quibus in terris ( & eris mihi magnus APOLLO ) Tres pateat Coeli spatium ( non amplius ) vlnas ? Maro , 't is here ; here 's Astronomia ; Here 's Heau'n clos'd in those narrow limits ; nay , Here 's Deitie , the obiect of all loues , Enough to make a thousand Heau'ns of Ioues . See , He thinkes he sees her ascending into Heauen . see , how she ascends ! mount , mount , great Queene Of Heau'n , and in full lustre be thou seene Mortalities amazement ; see , she 's gone To mount yet higher to a stately Throne , Plac'd on the Azure pauement of the Starres , Guarded by Dayes , Monthes , Houres , then sees the warres Of Pygmie-mortals — . Enter MELANCHOLICO . Mel. — Sir , here 's Ethicus Is come , and sayes hee 'd speake with you . Poeta . — With vs ? Admit him in . Exit Melancholico . Enter ETHICVS . Ethicus . — Hay ! scarce drest yet ! how so ? Poeta . What ? comes your froward age to chide vs ? Ethicus . — No . But to inuite you to a Feast , my selfe your friend , Desirous of your peace , to set an end To your contentions with Grammaticus And Logicus , to night doe purpose thus To make you friends . Poeta . But — Ethicus . — Nay , no buts : Be there . Poeta . I will . Ethicus . — Why thankes . Welcome shall be your cheere . Exit Ethicus . Poeta . Well then , I le in and dresse me , and so come , Yet better t were purchance you had my roome . Exit Poeta .
ACTVS II. SCENA III . GEOMETRES , MAGVS .

But Sir , can it be lawfull to deale with spirits ?

Magus .

Whilst you are onely a Geometrician , it is lawfull for you to deale only with bodies : but if you will vndertake Our Superiour facultie , 't is not onely lawfull , but most honourable ; why Sir , 't is one of the greatest gifts of the Gods to haue command ouer Spirits ; but for the approbation of it , you may only looke backe vnto the antiquitie thereof , which is drawne from more then eight hundred yeeres before the Siege of Troy , in the time of Agonaces , and of the renowned Zoroaster a King of the Bactrians , who described the high Mysterie of this Diuine Science in an hundred thousand verses ; after these there flourished Iobeth , Toluscol , Zamolxis , whose admired fame was afterwards emulated by Almadal , Alchindus , and Hipocus Arabians : Apuscorus , Zaratus , and Cobares , Medians : Marmaridius , a Babylonian : Zarmocenidas , an Assyrian , Abbaris , an Hyperborean , Thesphetion , an Aethiopian , Arnuphis , an Aegyptian , Theurgus , a Chaldean : with these I may recite Cambyses , Zamares , Charondas , Damogorgon , Gobrias , Arbatel , Apollonius , Gog , Hostanes , Atyr , Choastes —

Geom.

Good Sir , doe not coniure .

Magus .

No Sir , these are nothing but the names of the Sacred Professours of this Diuine Science .

Geom.

I but it may be Sir , they had coniuring names .

Magus .

Alas , Sir ! 't is not so easie a matter to worke effectually in our Sacred Science , as most men thinke it is , and as I will most manifestly declare vnto you ; for this is a rule , you must be first an Absolute Astrologian ; vpon which fundamentall Supposition I thus proceed : before you can obtaine the knowledge of Astrologie , you must be a most Grounded Philosopher , a sound Physician , and an exquisite Mathematician ; by the helpes of which Sciences you shall know the courses of the Starres ; the number of the Orbes ; your Poles ; the Circles ; the Verticall and Pedall points ; the Azimuth , or Verticall Circle ; the Almucantarath or Circles of Altitude ; the Concentricitie and Excentricitie of the Orbes ; the Ascendent , and Descendent Knots , or Syndesmes , that Cut the Ecliptike ; your Orbes Aequant , Epicyclicall , and Deferent of the Apogeum , and Perigeum , or of the Highest and Lowest Absis ; the Planetarie Aspects , or Configurations , either Right as Coniunction and Opposition , or Collaterall as Sextile , Quadrate , and Trine ; the Direct motion of the Planets , their Retrogradation & Station ; then Sir , your Astrologie is either Canonicall for the Influence of the Starres , or Thematicall for the Erection of a Scheme of the Heauens , wherein is to bee knowne the Order of the Domicils , and the Inscription . Then there is your Iudiciarie , which is either Genethliacall , or Catholike instructing in predictions , either Idiomaticall or Symptomaticall ; the eight and twentie Mansions of the Moone ; the Symbolization of Occult qualities in Herbs , with the Planets ; Signacles , Pentacles , Planetarie Suffumigations , Vnctions , Pailters , Rings , Alligations , Suspensions ; the twelue Scales of the Numbers ; the Duodenarie Scale , either Cabalisticall or Orphicall ; the Characters , Seales , and Bands of Spirits —

Geom.

You 'l giue me all this in writing Sir ; woun't you ?

Magus .

Yes Sir , yes . Then are there diuers kinds of your Magicke , as Necromancie , Anthropomancie , Gastromancie , Cheiromancie , Coscinomancy , —

Geom.

I pray , doe you your selfe know how many there are in all ?

Magus .

Sir , One and twentie . I le begin them ouer againe , if you will . Necromancie , Anthropomancie —

Geom.

Nay , good Sir hold , we haue enough alreadie : But I perceiue you Magicians haue admirable memories to get hard words by heart ; I maruaile you doe not turne Dictionarie-makers : Why ? I warrant there 's no hard word but you can tell the meaning on 't : you 'd put all their noses out of ioynt quite .

Magus .

I , and put them out of their wits , if wee list : But then , Sir , to know the Spirit of Euerie Day , and Houre ; his Name , Power , and Legions vnder him , his Forme of appearing , whether like a Dragon , or an Horse , or a Wolfe , or a flame of fire ; the Region whence he comes ; the Gift hee bestowes , whether Learning , Riches , Beautie ; his Name , his Characters : these , these , are the wonders , the amazements of our Spirituall Science ; Spirituall I may iustly call in , since euerie Art receiues an Excellencie from its Obiect ; and yet ( alas ! ) I confesse , I am but young in it yet , and haue scarce serued a 'prentice-ship in it , if it may bee call'd a seruitude , wherein there is such Freenesse , and Euagation of spirit in such exquisite knowledge ; nay , Dominion ouer Spirits .

Geom.

Young say you ? marry , I thinke , you are absolutely grounded in it , that can know all these Mysteries ; ah , were it the will of the gods , I had but halfe of this skill , I 'de giue all that I haue , and get more as I could ; but can you doe all these Wonders ?

Magus .

Farre stranger , farre stranger ; most amazing transformations ; why , there was Apuleius so skilfull in this Arte , that he turn'd himselfe into an Asse , and Lucian was turn'd into an Asse , before he studi'd it .

Geom.

O strange ! but can a Spirit giue Learning ?

Magus .

Oh , there was Hermolaus Barbarus , when he studied Philosophie , and lesse vnderstood any place , hee would call vp a Spirit to instruct him ; so the famous Cardans father carryed one alwaies in a Ring on his finger ; and Agrippa had his Dogge with a Characteriz'd Collar .

Geom.

But can you by your Art , tell mee whether or no I shall haue Astronomia ?

Magus .

Any thing .

Geom.

How !

Magus .

Why , I can doe it by Coscinomancie .

Geom.

What 's that ?

Magus .

By the turning of a Siue .

Geom.

But I haue heard , that 's onely for things stolne .

Magus .

Ah , 't is more generall , and that you shall see ; stay here , I le but step forth . Exit Magus .

Geom.

Well , this is the man whom the Heauens haue ordain'd to make me happie ; O Venus , be fauourable vnto me , and I le build thee a fayrer Temple then euer the Ephesians directed to Diana . MAGVS enters .

Magus .

Come Sir , here are Sheeres and a Siue ; I must fasten the Sheeres ? now doe as I bid you ; Hold vp the side of the Sheeres with your finger . ( he puts the wrong finger ) Nay , come , your middle-finger : So ; now must I say a mysticall forme of powerfull words , and then name those that wee suspect shall haue her ; and amongst them name you also ; and at whose name the Siue turnes , he shall haue her .

Geom.

If it do's not turne at mine , I shall die : 'pray make it turne at mine .

Magus .

Nay , then it must goe for nothing , for it must turne of its owne accord . Be silent now . Dies mies , Ieschet , bene doefet , Dowima , Enitemaus . Who shall haue Astronomia ? Shall Poeta ? ( It stands still . ) Who shall haue Astronomia ? Shall Logicus ?

Geom.

Hee 's not in loue with her , Sir ; 'pray doe not you put in him too .

Magus .

O vile ! peace ; now must I begin againe . Diet mies , Ieschet , Bene doefet , Dowima , Enitemaus . Who shall haue Astronomia ? Shall Poeta ? ( It stands still . ) Who shall haue Astronomia ? Shall Logicus ? ( It stands still . ) Who shall haue Astronomia ? Shall Geographus ? ( It moues a little . ) Who shall haue Astronomia ? Shall Geometres ? ( It turnes round . ) Shall he obtaine her by Coniuration ? ( It stands still . ) Shall hee obtaine her by Medicine ? ( It moues a little . ) Shall hee obtaine her by Fascination ? ( It turnes round . )

Geom.

Georaetres falls downe on his knees , and imbraces Magus his knees . Magus , what 's mine is yours , goods , life , soule , and all : Venus , thy temple shall be a mile in length ; thy Image in 't shall be greater then the Colossus at Rhodes , it shall bee all white Marble : The temple at Millaine shall looke like pale-fac'd tallow to it ; it shall haue as many pillars , as there are houres in the yeere , and as many windowes as there are minutes ; and the Spire shall be higher then Tenariffa , or the Tower of Babylon by eight score Measured furlongs at the least . Magus , I haue enough , I haue enough .

Magus .

Nay but , Sir , you must Measure your ioy ; diuers haue died with ouer-much reioycing , and so may you ; and then you 'd both breake your vow to the Goddesse , and lose your Loue besides .

Geom.

You say true .

Magus .

Besides , you must vse a meanes you see , Fascination ; which you shall vse at the Banquet , which ( you know ) we are inuited vnto .

Geom.

Nay , let mee alone for looking on her ; I le looke thorow her , and thorow her ; and make her as Perspectiue , as I am Solid .

Magus .

Besides , there was a little moouing , you saw , at the name of Geographus : to signifie hee will bee faire for her too . And againe , there was a little moouing at the word Medicine , and therefore that must bee vs'd too : but for that take you no care .

Geom.

Well , you learned men put so many doubts — but I care not , I shall haue her in the end : come , I 'ue enough , now let 's goe .

Magus .

Measure your ioy , I say .

Geom.

Thou 'rt mine , thou' rt mine , Astronomia , I 'me in Heau'n already ; Geographus may goe trauaile againe , and Poeta , in stead of Baies , may goe weare a Willow-garland .

Magus .

Come , let 's in . Exeunt Geometres & Magus .

ACTVS III. SCENA III . LOGICVS , RHETORICA .

MArry , and I bee thus troubled with you when you woo me , and seeke to please ; what should I expect and wee were married once ?

Rhet.

Nay , dearest Logicus , let not the excellencie of your reason bee so seuere , but that it may admit a gracious apprehension of a smiling loue ; let not the exactnes of your wisedome be so regulated , but that it may expresse a courteous acceptance of a Louers admiration ; let not —

Log.

Nay , and you once fall to Set speeches , I am gone ; I perceiue you are not for common talke ; I wonder , now I thinke on 't , in what Praedicament a womans tongue is ; let 's see : yet , what if I make it a Transcendent ? and yet it can't be so , for 't is neither vnum , nor verum , nor honum : 'faith , and 't bee in any Praedicament , it shall bee in Quantitate Continua , and that 's opposite to Discreta ; or rather , since 't is so irregular , and therefore can hardly bee admitted into any Order , I will count it that Monster in Nature , and Contradiction of Philosophie , Infinitum in acta .

Rhet.

Why lo , now your selfe has made a set speech ; and thus whilst you Reprehend , you Offend : whilst you Direct , you Neglect : whilst you Reforme , you Deforme : whilst you —

Log.

Hey day ! this is tick-tack : Here 's another shorter tricke : well , I perceiue there 's no other course — which is your way ?

Rhet.

Which is your way ?

Log.

Doe you speake first .

Rhet.

Nay , doe you speake first , you are the better Man .

Log.

Why , mine lies this way .

Rhet.

Why so does mine ; wee le goe together .

Log.

I , But I must go this way to doe a little businesse first .

Rhet.

Why so must I .

Log.

But I must walke here alone a little to thinke on 't first .

Rhet.

Why , and I must walke here alone a little first .

Log.

Why , then fare you well ; I can thinke on my busines by the way .

Rhet.

Why , and I can very well thinke on my businesse by the way .

Log.

Why , you woun't follow me ? I am going to a Feast .

Rhet.

Why , and I am going to a Feast .

Log.

I am going to Ethicus .

Rhet.

Why , and I am going to Ethicus .

Log.

O you gods ! which of you will come to deliuer me ? Well , if wee must together , and if you will sticke so close vnto me ; yet , good Mistres Tongue , do not cleaue to the roofe of my Mouth .

Rhet.

No , no ; your lippe is all that I desire .

Exeunt Logicus & Rhetorica .
ACTVS III. SCENA IIII . MVSICA at one doore : GEOGRAPHVS and PHANTASTES at another .

TAra , ding de ding , ding de ding , lan , tan , dan , dido .

Geog.

How now my nimble Crotchet ? who was the first Fiddle-maker ?

Mus.

Thats 's a question , Sir .

Geog.

Why , for that reason I propos'd it .

Mus.

Why , for that reason you might haue propos'd many more .

Geog.

I , but Answere .

Mus.

I , but I must know first ; 't is a great controuersie .

Geog.

What then was the first kinde of Instrument ?

Mus.

Why , that 's as hard .

Geog.

Why , I can tell .

Mus.

What ?

Geog.

An Harpe .

Mus.

I but you 're deceiu'd , I rather thinke 't was a Bagge-pipe .

Geog.

A Bag-pipe ? why prethee ?

Mus.

Why ? marry , first vnderstand this reason , and then I le shew you : You know euery Art both drawes it's imitation from Nature , and labours to perfect it , which it does by finding comforts to preserue it : Musicke then at the first was found out as an antidote against griefe : and by this meanes , when men were grieued , they cried Oh , and there was one Note : then Hey-ho , there were two Notes more . So , when they laught , they obseru'd three more by Ha , ha , ho . These being first ioyn'd together , and afterwards variously intermixt , were the first harmonie in voice ; which being repeated vnto grieued mindes , were as it were a prettie deluding of their sorrowes ; and these by obseruation were afterwards reduc'd to instrument —

Geog.

I conceit it , Musica .

Mus.

Thus , men perceiuing that these notes were conceiu'd in the bellie , and afterwards , ( as it were ) form'd in the passage of the throat , sowed Leather in the forme of a Bellie , or bagge ; and wth a Reed made a long Necke vnto it , and a Winde-pipe ; which when they blew full of winde , and perceiu'd it gaue no sound , they cut many holes in the reed to let it out , and then alternately stopping the holes , they found an admirable varietie of harmony ; and as the holes serue for distinction of notes in a Winde-instrument , so doe your frets on a String'd-instrument .

Geog.

Indeede I thinke this a truth ; for as the voice was before the Instrument , so the Winde-instrument before the string'd . But then how came your Trumpet vp ?

Mus.

Why , on this manner : When Triton came to helpe the gods in the Warres of the Gyants , he wanted a weapon , and finding the shell of a Fish , he did blow in 't , which yeelded a most hideous noise : the Gyants thinking it had beene some terrible beast , fled away affrighted , and since by a perfecting imitation , men haue alter'd both the matter , and the forme of that Instrument .

Geog.

Nay , I do beleeue there is a great vertue in Musicke .

Mus.

O Sir , 't is your onely medicine of the minde .

Geog.

Indeed I thinke so , and that 's the reason , 't is likely , why Apollo is the god both of Musicke and Physicke : and now I remember it , in one place where we came , in our trauailes , there were no Physicions , but all their sicke folks were cur'd by Musicke ; where was it , Phantastes ? I haue quite forgot .

Phant.

Why 't was in Creet Sir , where Iupiter was nurs'd , and the Musicke was made with those Kettle-drums , which they sounded to drowne the crying of Iupiter , when he was in his swathe-bands : in reward of which loue , hee procur'd of Apollo , in the fauour of the Cretians , that at the sound of those Kettle-drummes all sicke folkes , whose time of death was not come , should without any languishing sicknes immediately recouer ; and therefore the order is , when any one is sicke , they carry him presently in a Litter to the Temple where these Drums are kept ; and if hee does not straight-wayes recouer , they carry him home againe , as a man that must dye , and so prouide for his funerall .

Mus.

Where is this Sir ? in Creet ?

Phant.

Yes , in Creet .

Mus.

I , but I haue heard , the Cretians are mightie liars .

Phant.

Vpon the Faith of a Trauellour , the Honestie of a Courtier , and the Word of a Gentleman , 't is a most confirm'd truth .

Mus.

Indeed these three are much about one valew .

Geog.

Well , Musica , I could talke with thee all day —

Phant.

I , and all night too .

Geog.

But I cannot stay now ; I 'me afraid they stay for me at the banquet . Is thy Mistris there ?

Music.

Yes , I thinke , by this time .

Geog.

Well , farewell till anon : you 'll meet vs at supper ? woun't you ?

Music.

Yes , yes ; I 'me going for Musike . Exit Geogra .

Phant.

Come , my prettie Pigeon , let 's bill a little ; is 't possible , Phantastes and Musica should meet , and part without a kisse ? — now farewell . Exit Phantastes .

Music.

Ah : these Courtiers are lycourish-lip'd : but I must goe fetch the Musike , To ra ding de ding , ding de ding , lan , tan dan dido . Exit Musica .

ACTVS III. SCENA V. ETHICVS , GEOMETRES , LOGICVS , POETA , GRAMMATICVS , MAGVS , ASTRONOMIA , ARITHMETICA , RHETORICA , ASTROLOGIA , CHOLER .

WElcome , welcome , all of you ; i' good faith , I 'm e'en young againe , to see such a jolly company of my friends together : but , passion o' me ! why , Oeconoma ?

Oecon.

I , I , presently , presently , Shee speakes from within . wee 'r making all haste wee can .

Ethic.

Ah , there 's a good huswife , neither meat o th' table , nor cloth laid , nor any thing in a readinesse . Good friends pardon vs , wee are somewhat vnmannerly to make you stay thus ; wee 'll talke till supper is seru'd in ; but where 's Geographus ? Enter GEOGRAPHVS and PHANTASTES . Oh here is ; welcome , welcome .

Geogr.

Thanks , They all salute him , & he them mutually , especially the Ladies . courteous Ethicus — saue you gallants — faire Ladies —

Ethic.

Phantastes , and Choler , [ Enter MVSICA ] and thou Musica , now thou art come , be a little forward to make a supply for our backwardnesse , and step in to my wife to help out supper quickly : ( Exeunt Phantast . Choler , & Musica ) why 't is well , 't is well , now 't is as it should be , all friends , all friends : but where 's Historia ?

Rhet.

Historia ? why , aske Poeta .

Poet.

Mee ?

Rhet.

I , you ; they say shee 's sicke of loue .

Ethic.

Poeta , where 's your man Melancholico ?

Poet.

Faith , when I was comming hither , hee was in a dump , and therefore I thinking him not fit to come to a banquet , left him behind me ; and indeed that 's his fault , hee will not commonly be merry in company .

Ethic.

Logicus , where 's your man Phlegmatico ?

Logic.

Faith , as I was comming , my Slauerer was at his Tobacco , but , I thinke , I made him smoke for his labour , and so would not let him come , for hee would nothing but haue spawl'd in your roome , Phantastes , Choler , Musica , bring in Supper . and haue turn'd your stomakes .

Choler .

Well , remember this Phantastes .

Phant.

What ?

Choler .

That you carry in the march-pane and not I , but I le —

Phant.

What ? amn't I the better man ?

Choler .

Would supper were done : I 'd bumme you .

Geogr.

What 's the matter ?

Phant.

Why , Sir , he 's angrie that I brought in the march-pane .

Geogr.

Phantastes , Choler , Musica , go out againe Come , be mannerly .

Gram.

Why , sirrah , Choler , will you still be quarrelling ?

Ethic.

You should let him be my man a little ; faith I should be as froward as he ; we two should haue a bickering once a day . ( Choler to Phantast . as they come in with more seruice .

Choler .

I would supper were done once for your sake .

Gram.

Why , sirrah , are you still grumbling ?

Oecon.

Come , friends , you are all welcome , we haue made you stay here too-long for a little sorry cheere ; come husband will you place the guests ?

Ethic.

Sit downe , you know your places ; sit downe ( they all sit downe ) wife , bid them welcome .

Oecon.

You are all heartily welcome , heartily welcome .

Ethic.

Why , Musica , where are the Musicians ?

Music.

Here , Sir , here .

Ethic.

Come on , play , feed you our eares , whilst we seed our bellyes . The musike playes ; Geographus drinks to Astronomia ; shee to Geometria ; hee to Arithmetica shee to Astrologia ; shee drinks to Astronomia , then priuily casts in a powder : which being done , Phantastes sings .

Phant. O Happie state 'Boue pow'r of fate Which you , blest Artes , enioy ! You were little Gods , If you fell not at ods , And did not your selues annoy . But when pride does once tickle , It makes vs too fickle And vaine : Till some good Old-men Do temper vs then , And bring vs in tune againe . Then learne of mee Thus wise to bee To haue a yeelding mind ; With weather-cocke art To play well your part And turne with each strong wind . So you shall by preuention Escape all contention And iars : So you shall be secure , And neuer endure Th' affliction of Learned wars . O harmlesse feast With Mirth increast , Where Musicke and Loue do meet ! Where the Piper does find A more delicate wind To make his pipe sound more sweet : Whiles his sticke does belabour The head of his Tabour Amaine . Where the Wine in the boules , And eu'ry tongue roules , Yet neuer disturbs the braine . Ioues Troian boy Was no such ioy , Nor all his Heau'nly whores : There 's no such delight By day or by night E're felt by feigning wooers ; As is the soft pleasure At such honest leasure To sport : When all are so merry , They sing till they 're weary , And trippe it in comely sort . Ethic.

Here , Logicus , you shall drinke to Poeta ,

Logic.

I accept your Proposition , Sir ; Poeta , to set a Conclusion to our former dissentions , and to make a plaine Demonstration of reconcilement , I drinke to you . He drinkes .

Poet.

With the most ingenuous freedome of a Poet , I accept it : Grammaticus , that our contention ending in loue , may make a Tragike-Comedie , I drinke to you . He drinkes .

Gram.

I protest to you , Sir , I doe put all former wrongs in the praeter-plu-perfect Tence , and am glad of this happy Coniunction , and that we are all of vs in such a merry Mood : but by the way , my Masters , these Noune-Adiectiues of the Foeminine gender , sit all this while vn-drunke to : Astronomia . He offers to drinke to Astronomia . —

Astron.

Intruth , Grammaticus , I am not in Case to pledge you : I pledg'd Astrologia euen now , and I am not since halfe well .

Gram.

Arithmetica —

Arith.

If you Count again , you shal find that I drunk last .

Rhetorica — here 's to moysten your eloquent tongue .

Rhet.

An eloquent tongue is neuer drie , Astrologia will pledge you for me .

Gram.

Astrologia —

Astrol.

In troth I haue been drinking my Belly full of Nectar ; but iust now , my thoughts were vpon the present Coniunction of Mars and Venus .

Poet.

Why how now , Grammaticus ! who doe you drinke to ? faith thou art now a Noune Substantiue indeed , for thou standst alone by thy selfe , without being ioyn'd to any of these Adiectiues .

Gram.

Nay , doe not you iest .

Poet.

What ? dost thou make a Iester of me ?

Mag.

Nay , I Coniure you both ; by our present meeting , that you goe not out of the Circle of harmelesse mirth .

Poet.

Me thinks I see a Direct line passe from the Eye of Geometres to Astronomia's .

Mag.

Nay , will you , Poeta ? you make Astronomia blush .

Poet.

Some Aqua vitae , I say , for Geometres .

Mag.

Why , Poeta ?

Poet.

Why , hee 's a dying I thinke , his eyes are fixt in 's head alreadie .

Mag.

It may be , Poeta , you measure Geometres his lookes by your owne .

Poet.

Me thinks I see a Direct line passe from the Eye of Geometres to Astronomia's .

Astron.

I 'm eu'n stifled , I doe not vse to be in such a close Roome , I loue the Open Aire .

Oecon.

Alas ! Astronomia's extreme ill . Exeunt Astronomia & Oeconoma .

Ethic.

Friends , you are all heartily welcome , rest you here I pray , and wee le in with her . Exit Ethicus .

Mag.

Astrologia , follow her , and see you be neuer from her all the while shee 's sicke .

Astrol.

I saw this disastrous chance in the starres , for as Mars and Venus were sporting , they were beheld by the rest of the enuious gods . Exit .

Rhet.

I le in too , to sit and Talke with her , whiles shee 's sicke . Exit Rhetorica .

Arith.

I le in too , that I may —

Geogr.

Be made sit downe againe .

Music.

Alas , my Mistris !

Geogr.

Shee did not looke well .

Music.

Astronomia sicke ? then all the Heauen 's awry , and my Musike 's quite out of tune . Exit Musica .

Geogr.

'T was , I feare me , a fit of an Ague .

Mag.

Astronomia in a fit of an Ague ? I neuer vnderstood the Motus trepidationis of the Heauen before .

Geogr.

Musicians , depart the roome . The Musicians go out .

Poet.

By Ioue I came to be merry , and I will be merry . Here 's an health to Astronomia . He drinks .

Geog.

Here 's a health to Astronomia . He drinks .

Geom.

Here 's a health to Astronomia . He drinks .

Poet.

Sir , you wrong vs all , not to take off your full measure .

Geom.

Oh , Sir , they that drinke with Measure , drinke without Measure .

Arith.

I , indeed , for they that Number their cups , commonly Multiply their cups .

Poet.

He loues not Astronomia , that does not pledge her a whole one .

Geom.

Well , because 't is to her , I le doo 't , He drinks .

Logic.

I can't drinke .

Gram.

Nor I .

Mag.

Nor I .

Arith.

You woun't , I know , require it of me .

Poet.

Well , and you woun't , here 's to you that will : A second health to Astronomia . He drinks .

Geogr.

A second health to Astronomia . He drinks .

Geom.

A second health to Astronomia . He drinks .

Phant.

By Ioue I must be merry , and I will be merry ; can you sing ?

Geogr.

Beginne , wee 'll follow .

Geom.

Beginne , wee 'll follow .

Poet.

Haue at you then .

FIll up my boule to the brim-a , That my lips in wine may swim-a ; That my Muse may slow And the world may it know : Fill vp my boule to the brimme-a Poeta . Geog. Geom. simul . That my Muse may slow And the world may it know : Fill vp my bowle to the brimme-a . Geog. Hee 's a puny cannot swagger , Carouse and yet neuer stagger , But be soberly drunke And closely haue his punke : Hee 's a puny cannot swagger . Geog. Poeta . Geom. simul . But he soberly drunke And closely haue his punke : Hee 's a puny cannot swagger . Geom. O my Iacobs staffe is broken , And that s a disast'rous token , My Compasses did slide , My Ruler slipt aside : O my Iacobs staffe is broken . Geom. Geog. Poeta . simul . My Compasses did slide My Ruler slipt aside O my Iacobs-staffe is broken . Poeta . Come kisse , come kisse , my Corinna , And still that sport wee 'l beginn-a , That our soules so may meet In our lippes , while they greet : Come kisse , come kisse , my Corinna . Poeta . Geog. Geom. simul . That our soules so may meet In our lippes , while they greet : Come kisse , come kisse , my Corinna . Poeta .

Here 's a health to Astronomia .

Geog.

Here 's a health to Astronomia .

Geom.

Here 's a health to Astronomia . Prethee Poeta doe thou sing a Catch alone , and wee 'l sing the Close with thee .

Poeta .

A match , hay boyes .

THe blacke Jacke The merry blacke Iacke As it is tost on by-a Growes , Flowes , Till at last they fall to blowes , And make their noddles cry-a . Poeta . Geog. Geom. simul . — Growes , Flowes , Till at last the fall to blowes , And make their noddles cry-a . The browne bowle , The merry browne bowle , As it goes round about-a . Fill Still Let the world say what it will And drinke your drinke all out-a . Poeta . Geog. Geom. simul . — Fill Still Let the world say what it will And drinke your drinke all out-a . Poeta . The deepe Canne The merry deepe Canne As thou dost freely quaffe a. Sing . Fling . Be as merry as a King And Sound a lusty laugh a. Poeta . Geog. Geom. simul . Sing . Fling . Be as merry as a King And sound a lusty laugh a. Poet.

Here 's a health to Astronomia . He drinks .

Geogr.

Faith , I can drinke no more , Poeta .

Geom.

Nor I .

Poet.

How ? not pledge me ? Choler , fil the bowle againe ; by Ioue , not pledge me ? pledge me , pledge me , Geographus : for by Ioue —

Geogr.

What ?

Poet.

I will drinke with thee , and I will sing with thee , and I will fight with thee .

Mag.

Nay , 'pray let 's haue no fighting .

Poet.

By Ioue . I will drinke with thee , I will sing with thee , and I will fight with thee .

Geogr.

By Ioue you 're almost foxt .

Poet.

By Ioue ( He drinks ) you lowsie-shirted rogue , you sit aboue mee ? did not you begge entertaynment of me tother day ?

Geogr.

Sleepe , sleepe , Poeta . Exit Geographus .

Phant.

A rope of a drunken foole ; I 'ue lost my supper by this : I must follow my Master . Exit Phant.

Poet.

Ten-toes , I know you 're a good footman ; Come , Geometres , I hope you 'll sit squarely to it still .

Geom.

Nay , if I cannot Rule others , I will Rule my selfe . Exit Geometres .

Arith.

And if Geometres depart , Arithmetica will be none of the Number . Exit Arith.

Poet.

Farewell , Hostesse ; we shall be sure to haue no reckoning now Arithmetica's gone : and yet I le pay you somewhat , Clinch-fist . ( Hee beates Logicus , and ouer-turnes the Table ; then fals on Grammaticus , and Choler . ) Hay tables ! Hay !

Logic.

Well , you drunken rogue , I le haue an Opposition for you before Polites , that you shall not be able to Answere to . Exit Logicus .

Poet.

Farewell block-head : now pae-da-gog , pa-da-gog : I must say my Part to you too .

Gram.

I , but , I can't stay to Heare you , now .

Poet.

Choler , wil not you fight for your Master , valiantly ?

Choler .

No , I thanke you , Sir , your moysture does allay my heat . Exit Choler .

Poet.

Are you all gone ? then , Apparent rari nantes in gurgite vasto . I am King , I am King : by Tantalus I am as drie as an Horse . He fals downe and sleepes . Magus charmes him . O , some drinke , some drinke .

Mag.

Alte dormi , Irioni , Chiriori , Essera , Chuder , Fere ; Pax , Caspor , Prax , Melchior , Max , Balthasar , Ymax , Adimax , Galbes , Galbat , Galdes , Galdat , Hax , pax , max , alte dormi . Poeta snores : Magus waues his rod ouer him , and runnes round about him . Oh , ho , ho , ho , ho , ho ; O , ho , ho , ho , ho , ho . Dragons fly swiftly , Dragons fly swiftly .

ACTVS III. SCENA VI. MAGVS , PHYSIOGNOMVS , CHEIROMANTES , POETA . Omnes .

Dancing about Poeta . O , ho , ho , ho , ho , ho . O , ho , ho , ho , ho , ho . O , ho , ho , ho , ho , ho .

Magus . They goe leisurely about him , saying this charme . YEe gods that dwell In darkest cell Of lowest Hell , Physiog. Vouchsafe this grace A little space To guard this place . Cheito. Let now a deepe And moystning sleepe His watch here keepe . Magus . We would obtaine This , for this swaine , Whom wine doth chaine . Physiog. That so since day Is fled , we may Make him our pray . Omnes .

O ho , ho , ho , ho , ho . O ho , ho , ho , ho . O ho , ho , Dauncing about him . ho , ho , ho , hoy —

Poeta .

O ho , ho , ho , ho , ho . O ho , ho , ho , ho , ho . In his sleepe .

Cheiro.

What a Rogue 's this ? hee laughes at vs in his Dreame .

Poeta .

O ho , ho , ho , ho , ho . O ho , ho , ho , ho , ho : In his sleepe . Some drinke , Tantalus , some drinke , some drinke ; or I will —

Phys.

What will he doe ?

Poeta .

By the — by the —

Mag.

He 's about to sweare sure by somewhat .

Poeta .

By the great — By the great —

Cheiro.

He will sweare by the Great .

Poeta .

By the great — By the great —

Phys.

'T is so great 't woun't come out .

Poeta .

By the great Hogs-head at Heidelburge , Logicus is a Blockhead .

Phys.

Well said i'faith , I perceiue there is some remembrance of ones friends in Wine .

Poeta .

Corinna , will you kisse ? will you kisse cockle-kisse ? close , close , you Whore .

Mag.

Oh , here 's a braue Dreamer !

Poeta .

I will make this Verse like a Nut-hooke-like a Nut-hooke-and then pull downe — pull downe the Moone with it . He begins to rise .

Phys.

Sure , Magus , you han't charm'd him well .

Mag.

Let me alone ; I warrant you .

Poeta .

Come kisse , my Pigeon , come kisse , my pretty Corinna , Nibble a little , my Loue ; nibble againe , and againe .

Mag.

Hay day ! he 's at 's Hexameter and Pentameter Verses in our tongue : 'faith I thinke in some such humour this kind of Verses was first made amongst vs .

Poeta .

My purse is richer than th' Mines rich India brings forth .

Cheiro.

You shall not neede to make a short Verse to that Sir : wee le be very short with you . He is about to picke his pocket .

Poeta .

Take off your whole one , or take a sowse o' the chops . Poeta strikes Cheiromantes

Cheiro.

Beshrow his drunken fingers ; Magus you ha' not charm'd him well .

Mag.

Altè dormi , pax , prax , max ; aliè dormi , Galbos , Galbat : Galdes , Galdat : pax , prax , max , alte dormi . Poeta fals downe againe .

Phys.

See what 's in his pocket . Cheiromantes takes out a purse and lookes in it .

Cheiro.

A murren on 't , here 's nothing but a Purse with a paper in 't .

Mag.

Let 's see it , why , what s here ? Verses ! Hee takes the paper and reads it .

ANACREONS {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} , &c.

Translated by mee vpon occasion of Ethicus his inuiting mee to Supper .

The fruitfull Earth does drinke the raine ; Trees drinkes the fruitfull Earth againe . The Sea does drinke the liquid Ayre ; By the Sunnes beames the Sea-waues are Drunke vp ; which is no sooner done , But straight the Moone drinkes vp the Sunne . Why then , companions , doe you thinke I may not with like freedome drinke ?

This had beene lost , if I had not giu'n the Rogue his Anacreon againe . Is this the rich Purse ? Come , 'ifaith wee 'll e'en serue for a Voyder , and carrie him away , whiles hee is drunk , rid the roome of him .

Omnes .

Roome for a Poet , Roome for a Poet , Roome for a Poet . Exeunt Omnes , carrying away Poeta on their shoulders .

ACTVS IIII .
SCENA . I. POLITES , GEOGRAPHVS .

ANd haue you beene in Italie too ?

Geog.

In the most parts of the World , Sir .

Polites .

You haue dispos'd your obseruations by heads ! haue you not ?

Geog.

They are yet Sir but a miscellany , but I am now in reducing of them .

Polites .

And what may the summe of them be ?

Geog.

Sir , they are principally drawne from the People , and Country : discoursing vpon the policie , and naturall disposition of the first ; as on the situation , and fertilitie of the second .

Polites .

Hum , the method is sufficiently approoueable : but I like that very well that you place Policy first ; and would wish you to prosecute that fully , with the most subtle examinations of your purest iudgement : 't will be worth your trauaile : and 't is a maine fault of your common Geographers , that now-a-dayes doe rather garnish the margine of a Map , then materially describe it ; and onely draw a companie of lines through it ; as if they had rid ouer the Countrie to take notice onely of the high-wayes ; which yet a Carriers Horse knowes better then they ; neglecting in the meane time more solid obseruations ; whilest their fancies ( I will not say iudgements ) are weakly satisfied with these fruitlesse superficialities ; not vnlike your sedentary Students , who for the attaining of a little glorie with some few lesse iudicious of their owne Sect , stirred vp with a contemplatiue ambition , earnestly prosecute those studies , which themselues shall neuer reduce vnto practice , in the actions of their life .

Geog.

Sir , the obseruation of gouernment was my first and principall intendment , especially in some secrets of state , as yet ( to my knowledge ) not obseru'd , at least not reueal'd by any .

Polites .

As what ?

Geog.

I will shew vnto you .

Polites .

But how could you come vnto the knowledge of them ?

Geog.

You shall vnderstand that too . The secret is concerning the happie detection of such , as from enemy-states , are vsually sent to the subuersion of a Land ; my meanes of attayning to the knowledge of this Mysterie , was my acquaintance with a Gentleman in Italie , who hauing beene one of the most practis'd Intelligencers in Europe , vpon the death of his Lord , who imploy'd him , fell into great wants ; when , out of the fulnesse of a grieued mind , and the rather to excite in me a compassion of his griefes , vnfolded vnto mee the whole secret .

Polites .

Proceed .

Geog.

The Italian Lord , that imploy'd this Gentleman , furnished him alwayes with money , that hee might cast himselfe into what shape he would , then sent him to the enemies Land , where liuing , ( either concealing his owne Countrey , or professing a dislike of it ) and insinuating himselfe into the acquaintance of men next to the best , would , commonly by entertaining their humours , and giuing occasion of such discourse at any meeting , with much Art and ease , allure euery man , to discouer ( euen for glory , to show who could show most ) all intended and secret imployments into forraine Lands ; by this meanes hee would learne the whole designe , agent , time , and whatsoeuer other necessarie circumstance ; then the person to be imploy'd , being commonly of estate not beyond himselfe , hee would vpon some sought ( though but slight ) occasion , grow so farre acquainted with him , as to intreat the courtesie of Nations of him , to carry a Letter from him to that Countrey ; which being with all courtesie granted , he would , against the time of his departure , prouide a Letter fairely written , containing nothing but some complement , or lighter businesse to his friend —

Polites .

Who ? to his Lord ?

Geog.

No , Sir , but to another agent , whom his Lord imploy'd at home , as this Gentleman abroad .

Polites .

Proceed then .

Geog.

Withall giuing his friend in charge , vpon their loue , to giue all courteous entertainment to the bearer thereof ; as , to prouide him a fit lodging , with all other complements of friendship : then reading this Letter to the Gentleman , to free him from all suspicion of false dealing , would seale it in his presence , and deliuer it to him —

Polites .

What deuice was there in this ?

Geog.

This Letter , Sir , being written by the Art of Steganography , contained the whole intendement of this imployd Messenger . That Art ( as Trithemius has at large discouer'd , or rather taught it ) proceeds vpon many deuices , as the putting together euery first letter of a word , or euery last , or euery second , according to the compact before lay'd betweene these two friends . Vpon the receit of which , proceeded first a most courteous entertayning , and then vpon the maturitie of his intendements , an artificiall detection of al his designes .

Polites .

All this beares a iust probabilitie of truth . Well , Geographus , we shall take a further notice of your wants and worth ; and since you haue ingeniously discouer'd both your free education , present state , and vnauoydable affection to Astronomia , and , as you say , hers mutually to you , I shall , I trust , effectually , in your behalfe , remooue the vnwillingnesse of her Mother Physica . But withall , I hold it a course , not altogether without Policy , to inquire of Astronomia , the dislikes , for which she does except against you , and therein by a praeuenient discretion , exactly to manifest a reformation ; for this time the expectation of some businesse admits not a further continuance of our discourse .

Geog.

I shall rest , Sir , at the bountie of your vertue .

Exit Geographus . Polites .

A Gentleman of parts worth the taking notice of ; well , such wits must bee nourisht : 't is the saying of my Tacitus : Ingenia , studique oppresseris faciliùs quàm reuocaueris ; & I remember he there shewes an analogie between mens wits and their bodies : They are ( saith hee ) both of them long a making , but soone marr'd . And indeed , young wittes that are worth the nourishing , when they see themselues neglected , are too-too prone to fall to desperate resolutions , arguing thus with themselues , That if Vertue and Learning cannot aduance them ; by a reason from the contrary , neither Vice nor Ignorance can debase them ; thus from bad premises drawing a worse conclusion , they ouerthrow in a moment the workmanship of many yeeres . But my Kins-woman Historia sayd she would be here by this . Oh , here she comes .

ACTVS IIII. SCENA II. POLITES , HISTORIA .

NOw Cousin , what ? alwayes sad ? alwayes sad ?

Histo.

Doe you admire at my sadnesse , when you know , nay when you are the cause of it ?

Polites .

I ? Cousin ? how ? how ?

Histo.

Your continuall declamations , Sir , against my most lou'd Poeta , a man whose praises admit no Hyperbole ; no , they transcend all ; and whose worth we may admire rather then expresse .

Polites .

Why Cousin ? my declamations ha' beene onely against his faults , not his person , and so farre —

Histo.

Nay , for your State-distinctions you may reserue them to your selfe , you can loue and hate the same man at the same time by a distinction ; I doe but plainely relate the truth vnto you , and I thinke there is hardly any man could more violently haue inueigh'd against him then your selfe ; excepting old froward Ethicus ; his age indeed must alwaies be correcting some body .

Polites .

Why , but why should you regard him , when it seemes he little regards you ?

Histo.

Marry , and little reason he hath , when he sees the best of my friends , your selfe , and Ethicus to neglect him . But otherwise I 'me sure he did loue me once : there haue bin of the Historias that haue beene well belou'd by Poets , and those the most renowned in all ages : as by admired Homer , the greatest glory and Shame of Greece , the one for his worth , the other for his wants : then by diuine Maro , that beautifull wonder of Nature ; and especially by one Lucan , a worthy Gentleman of Rome , besides many more ; that if you would vouchsafe but to grace him , his Lawrel would be the crowne of your glory .

Polites .

I but he beares loue to Astronomia .

Hist.

I vnderstand so much : but I think that rather the exiliency of some passion , then any consistency of a settled desire . I haue indeede heard also of some of the Astronomias that haue beene belou'd by Poets ; as by Manilius , Pontanus , and some other , who haue written whole Bookes in the praise of their beauties ; but it seemes their beauties had such small diuinity in them , that they could not raise , to any height of poeticke rapture , the wits of their admirers . And there was also one Lucretius , a Romane Gentleman , in former times that fell in loue with Physica , shee from whom Physica the mother of Astronomia deriues now both her name and linage , which Gentleman , in the passion of his loue , writ books in the praise of her beauty ; but what wrinkle-fac'd Verses they are , let the present age iudge ; and if her beautie was like his lines , sure she was past her Three-score , when hee fell in loue with her ; but alas , there was neuer any of that family that euer came neere the Historias for beauty .

Polites .

Well , Cousin , then what is the imployment wherewith you will taske me ?

Hist.

Why , if you meane to haue mee aliue long , change your dislike of Poeta into loue , and reforme him if you will , but not hate him ; admonish him , intreat him , woo him , and in a word , winne him vnto mee ; and those hymnes of your praises , and relations of your glory shall bee put in the mouth of posteritie ; that sooner shall the Common-wealth dye , then your fame .

Polites .

Well , Cousin , you haue now enough admonisht me , entreated me , woo'd mee , and in a word wonne me : referre the finding out of meanes , and the accomplishing of your desire to the priuacie of my meditations .

Histor.

Reuerend Polites , pardon the vnmannerlinesse of my disordered passions ; loue resisted growes rude and furious : but I will not instruct your wisedome ; onely remember my life lies in your hands .

Exit Historia . Polites .

And that shall not perish if I can saue it . There are many accusations in against this Poeta , and some of them I perceiue will be prosecuted ; he has bad , and good parts ; he has a wilde head , yet may be reform'd , and then there 's a man sau'd : a good purchase ; nay , Historia is sau'd , that 's a double . Well , then since I must loue him , I will saue him : if hee proue good , I winne two ; if bad , 't will bee but the losse of one , of Historia ; who already professes , that , without him , she shall be lost .

Exit Polites .
ACTVS IIII. SCENA III . ASTRONOMIA , ASTROLOGIA , ARITHMETICA , POETA , MEDICVS , MVSICA .

OH , I 'me so hot , I could drinke a whole Riuer of water .

Poeta .

Nay , if you talke of drinking , I could drinke my selfe halfe a doozen Helicons off at a draught : Musica , fetch a flaggon of Wine .

Astron.

Nay , let it be pure Water .

Med.

Haue a care what you doe : 't is as much as your life's worth .

Poeta .

By Ioue wee will haue our liquor about vs . Goe Wench , why , Sir , should not she drinke ?

Med.

Why , to drink in the heat of an Ague is present death ; and I remember Galen in his Booke de consuetudine , relates a Storie of Arius a Peripateticke , who dyed suddenly , being forc'd to drinke a full draught of colde water in the heat of his Feuer ; though according to the prescriptions of his Physicians : yet , I confesse , in him there was another adioyn'd cause , which Galen in the same place makes mention of , to wit , his stomake being alwayes very colde , hee resolu'd on a perpetuall abstinence from all colde nourishments , so that this aduentitious colde of the water hee dranke , wrought not onely against his disease , but also against his constitution .

Poeta .

Oh that was it , that was it ; then fill out the liquor .

Med.

You Poets would make mad Physicians ; or at the best but desperate Paracelsians ; But Astronomia , you stirre too much ; and so the heate of your disease increases to an inflammation : you must rest more , you must rest more .

Astron.

Nay , I shall neuer liue , if I leaue mouing .

Med.

I , but not so fast ; you walke as fast as you do when you are in health .

Astrol.

Indeed , mee thinkes , shee keepes alwayes the same pace .

Arith.

I , but if you marke it , 't is not a direct Progression , but a kind of giddie turning Round , which proceeds from a lightnesse of the head , caus'd by her disease .

Med.

I dislike your dyet ; for in the verie hottest of Summer , when the Sunne is in Cancer , you eate the hottest meate , feeding altogether vpon Crab ; which two concurrent heates of the Meat and of the Weather , are able to cast any man into the inflammation of a Feuer .

Astron.

Indeed , I confesse that ; and 't is at that season , my only dyet .

Med.

I , but 't is bad ; and againe 't is very good to feed vpon varietie of meate .

Poeta .

Say you so ! marry , I thinke , you 'l prooue a paradoxicall Paracelsian your selfe ; if you hold such Tenents : for you know , Sir , 't is the most receiued opinion of Physicians , that varietie of meates disturbes concoction .

Med.

Sir , I hold that opinion rather to argue the Authors superstition , then iudgement : for our nature delighteth in varietie , and those meats which the stomake doth with pleasure desire , it doth most embracingly attract , and concoct most faithfully , besides the substance of our bodies consisting of a various nature , as moysture , ayre , and the like , one of these parts may be more spent then another , by labour , or other meanes ; so that a man had need , for the vndoubted supply of all these parts , receiue a great varietie of nourishments , that there may be a reparation for whatsoeuer the bodie does euacuate .

Poeta .

I vnderstand Sir .

Med.

Besides , Astronomia , going abroad you neuer take care in what Ayre you walke .

Astron.

Indeed , I confesse , I am too neglectiue of that .

Med.

Oh , that 's a chiefe matter to bee prouided for ; for the verie same ayre sometimes is hurtfull for one part of the bodie , and good for another .

Poeta .

How ? is that possible ?

Med.

Sir , 't is a truth obseru'd by Guido Cauliacensis ; and in particular of the ayre of Paris ; where , if the same man haue a wound in his head , and another in his thigh ; it hurts the one and heales the other .

Poeta .

That 's prettie i'faith : the reason , the reason , Master Physician .

Med.

'T is thus , Sir , the ayre there is cold and moyst , and therefore most hurtfull for the head ; and againe , the same ayre by an obscuration of the spirits , a degrauation of the bloud , and a condensation of the humours , whereby they are made lesse quicke to flow downe , does therefore make the wounds of the thighes more curable , whiles the course of the humours is intercepted , whose defluence or flowing downe would hinder the cure of the wound .

Poeta .

You Physicians , I perceiue , sometimes haue some of Apollo in you .

Mus.

Pray , Medicus , tell me one thing ; you 'r a Physician ; I haue heard Geographus relate of a place in his Trauels , where the people are heal'd by Musicke : is that possible ?

Med.

O yes : I le confirme it by mine owne experience : I knew a young Gentle man that marri'd a young Gentlewoman ; who being extraordinarily faire , and he as melancholy , grew into a great iealousie , that shee had made him a Cuckold , vpon which conceit , at the first but light , the strength of his melancholy and iealousie working together ; he fell into a strong perswasion that he had Hornes : the best Physicians were sent for , vs'd all medicines and inuentions to cure him , nothing preuail'd , whereupon they left him , intreating his wife to be patient , and expect his recouerie in time . Away they went , and none but a little boy was left in the roome to tend the Gentleman , when vpon a suddaine there comes mee by , a Bag-pipe-player , at the sound of whose Pipe the Gentleman suddainely arose , leapes about the Chamber , beates his head against the wall , so long , till at last he had broke his face in diuers places that the bloud gushed out ; vpon the effusion of which melancholy bloud , that had corrupted his braine and phantasie , the Gentlemans Hornes were beaten off against the wall , and the Gentlewoman became as honest a woman after that time , as any in Europe .

Poeta .

In good faith , you Physicians are the onely fellowes in the world to tell Tales by Gentlewomens Bed-sides , whiles they are sicke .

Mus.

I , this Cure was by the effusion of bloud , but they whom Geographus tolde of , were healed without any such meanes .

Med.

I le satisfie you in that by another particularitie of experience : I knew another Gentleman , who being very sicke of a contagious disease , and finding no remedie by Medicine , the Physicians caus'd Musicians to bee brought into the roome , and play ; at the hearing of which Musicke , hee suddainely leapes and continu'd dancing so long , till the laborious exagitation of his whole bodie , had by sweat and breathing dissipated the contagion .

Poeta .

I wonder you Physicians doe not turne Trauailors , you 'd haue an aduantage beyond them all , by making good your Relations , by giuing a reason for them .

Med.

O by no meanes , Sir ; for if wee should trauaile into forraine Lands , our skill would there faile vs ; by reason of the difference of the Countrie , and our ignorance of their constitutions and dyet .

Astron.

Musica , some drinke ; mee thinkes , I haue not one iot of moysture in me .

Med.

Musica , fetch none , shee shall drinke no more .

Astron.

I must drinke , the World was not in such a combustion at Phaeton's driuing the Chariot of the Sunne , as I am in now .

Astrol.

Come , come , Medicus , the strictnesse of your prescriptions must be dispenc'd with , a little .

Med.

Will you spoile her , Astrologia ?

Astrol.

I le warrant you , shee 'l neuer dye of this disease , I haue calculated her Natiuitie , to know so much beyond your Art : the sixt House of her Horoscope , wherein all her diseases are Prefiguratiuely registred , promises a better issue of her sicknesse then so : besides , shee shall haue an happie Wombe , for I find in her Horoscope , Venus in her Exaltation , to wit , in Pisces , and Iupiter in the fift House , the Radiation of Venus falling on the First House , and of Iupiter on the Eleuenth , Luna being in the Seuenth , illustrating the Fift House with a Sextile Radiation ; shee shall haue a beautifull Daughter , her name shall be Optica : there shall appeare at her Birth foure Sunnes , and as many Rain-bowes , and the Ayre ouer-against these Rain-bowes , shall seeme to bee full of Looking-glasses , and in the middle of each Raine-bow shall appeare a Peacockes taile , which being reflected from the Looking-glasses , shall proiect an infinitie of colours in the Ayre .

Med.

Astronomia , you goe too much , you 'l neuer leaue your Walking , and if Copernicus were aliue againe , 'ifaith hee 'd make you stand still .

Astron.

Some drinke . She drinkes and fals .

Music.

Helpe , Astronomia fals .

Poeta .

Marie , Heauens forbid .

Medic.

I , here 's your drinke .

Arith.

Ah , Astrologia , you made no Reckoning of this sicknesse , I shall scarce e're trust you againe , as long as I know you : Come , let 's haue her in , let 's haue her in . Exeunt omnes .

ACTVS IIII. SCENA IIII . MAGVS , PHYSIOGNOMVS , CHEIROMANTES .

NOw my sweet Deuils , I am euen sicke with expecting when Medicus will come and visit me : I feare , his physicke cannot worke vpon Poeta : that rogues Verses , I thinke , are a counter-charme against all our coniurations : a rope on his sixe-footed lowsie Hexameters : sure , the slaues skin is inchanted ; the quilting of Aiax shield was but a thin Cheu'rill to it .

Physiog.

Why , but doe you thinke 't is impenetrable ?

Magus .

Oh , farre tougher then a Tanners : I haue heard of a Poet , that hauing beene buried a matter of two or three hundred yeeres , has beene taken vp againe whole , without the least perishing of his skinne , as faire as any Vellome .

Cheiro.

Nay , by this Hand , I hold them to be euerlasting villaines .

Physiog.

And I know by his lookes , if he once settle his affection vpon a wench , hee 'll pursue her more swiftly then euer Apollo did Daphne ; for hee 'll ouertake her before her Metamorphosis .

Cheiro.

I , and I know the rascall to haue a soft and moist Hand , by which I also infallibly know hee loues : for take a Poet without his wine & his wench ; and if he make not drie , pitifull drie Verses , I le forsweare Fortune-telling as long as I liue .

Magus .

But , I hope , that wench shall not be Astronomia .

Physiog.

Ne'r feare that : I haue seriously obseru'd ( taking an oportunitie the other day to looke on her ) the whole composure of her Face ; and first for her beautie , I must confesse it absolute ; for there are the two causes of all beautie ; a most exquisite Symmetrie , or correspondent commensuration of the parts ; and an exact mixture of colours , which addes vnto the proportion an incomprehensible pulchritude : since which time , I haue taken a like view of Geographus and Geometres ; now for their heights , Geographus is somewhat lower then shee ; but Geometres is of her pitch iust ; for the lines of proportion in their faces , I must confesse , I can hardly iudge which is most like her , well , I hope yet 't will be Geometres , or if Geographus doe win her , 't will be by his comely deportment : 'faith I wish him well , but wee must worke for them that feele vs in the fist .

Magus .

Well , Rauens , croke here , and whosoe'r comes by , make a prey of him ; in the meane time I le to Astrologia , for I know not what 's the reason on 't , but my Spirits cannot informe me of any thing shee does , so that I must of necessitie to Astrologia , to know how things proceed : but there 's one Galilaus an exquisite Mathematicean , an Italian : whom I came very lately acquainted with , by admirable lucke ; and he has promis'd to helpe me to a glasse , by which I shall see all things as perfectly represented in Astronomia's house , as if I were there : till which time I must take the paines to haue it by relation ; but to your charge , to your charge ; croke Rauens , croke .

ACTVS IIII. SCENA V. PHYSIOGNOMVS , CHEIROMANTES , SANGVIS . Cheiro.

HEre comes some body , Physiognomus ; set a good Face on 't and Affront him ; and I le set my Fingers a worke , presently .

Physiog.

Hold thy Hands there , 't is Sanguis , hee 's of our side , stay a little .

Sang.

Well , I shrowdly suspect my Master for this physicke : but mum , I am o're-heard , I feare .

Physiog.

How now , Sanguis ? why doest thou blush so ?

Sang.

Doe I blush ?

Cheiro.

I 'me sure thou look'st as red as fire ; I thinke all the Bloud in thy body is in thy face .

Sang.

Well , well , all your words will not make me a jot redder then I am : but , if you talke of blushing , I thinke you haue more need to blush , if you knew the report that goes of you .

Physiog.

Of vs ?

Sang.

I , of you ; but especially of Cheiromantes .

Cheiro.

Of me ? what ?

Sang.

Nothing , but that you are a Cut-purse .

Cheiro.

I defie mine accusers , and I call honestie it selfe to witnesse , that I get my liuing by my fingers ends .

Sang.

Come , come , leaue these protestations : a bad cause is better defended by silence , then argument .

Physiog.

Faith 't is true ; let vs be friends : and since thy Master Medicus has taught thee to Kill , wee 'll teach thee to Steale : but honestly , Sanguis , honestly .

Cheiro.

We three will set vpon the next man we meet .

Sang.

I would 't were Choler that broke my head t'other day : o' that condition , I 'd stay ; but my Master has sent me to Magus . I must begone .

Enter CHOLER . Physiog.

Nay , stay a little longer now , Sanguis : who comes yonder ? doe you know his Face ?

Sang.

Well , you wo will helpe me ?

Cheiro.

My Hand shal be alwaies readie to help my friend .

Sang.

Choler giues Sanguis a boxe on the eare , and they fall to cuffes . Choler , I 'me Sanguis , and here 's my head .

Choler .

Sanguis , I 'm Choler and here 's my hand .

Enter MELANCHOLICO . Melan.

How ? three against one ? Hercules himselfe could not fight with such disaduantage : there 's no ingenuitie in this ; I le take his part for pittie-sake at auenture , be it right or wrong . He helps Choler

Physiog.

O my nose , my nose —

Choler .

I le make you too Sanguis crie your Bloodie nose before I ha' done .

Cheiro.

O my hand ! my hand ! O you rogue , you bow it quite double almost .

Enter MVSICA with a packe and a bottle of drinke . Music.

Why men , beasts , furies , what doe you meane ?

Melan.

Choler , Choler , draw thy knife , and flit Physiognomus his nose .

Physiog.

Ah you dull rogue , doe you kicke ?

Enter PHLEGMATICO with a pipe of Tobacco . Music.

Oh , Phlegmatico ! thou' rt welcome ; but prethee throw away thy pipe ; vnlesse 't were one could make them dance after it , and so coole their furie .

Phleg.

Why , ho !

Music.

Orpheus , they say , by musike held beasts by the eares ; let Musica then hold the beastly furies of you , that are now by the eares .

Phleg.

Why , ho ! They leaue fighting .

Melan.

He has pickt my pocket . Sirrah , Cheiromantes , you rogue , where 's my hand-kercher ?

Phleg.

Nay , giue him his hand-kercher , I saw you take it : there , there is thy hand-kercher , Melancholico : why I thought thou hadst beene no fighter .

Melan.

'Faith , ingenuitie made me fight , when I saw three vpon one .

Music.

Come , come , for shame , be friends ; you shall all be friends before you part .

Melan.

Nay , I 'm angrie with no body : I did but fight , to make them leaue fighting .

Physiog.

Nor we ; for the quarrell was not ours .

Cheir.

Nor we ; for the quarrell was not ours .

Phleg.

I thought 't was Choler , and Sanguis , they still are prouoking one another : What hast thou in thy bottle , Musica ? Nepenthe to reconcile the Gods ?

Music.

'Faith here 's drinke to reconcile these furies , if they will ?

Phleg.

Come , Musica , doe you beginne , and wee 'll all dance after thy pipe .

Music.

You haue spoke truer then you thinke , for there is a Piper comming after me , and somebody else ; they 'll be here anon : well , here 's to you all then . Shee drinks . Hee drinks .

Melan.

Phlegmatico , here 's to thee .

Phleg.

Sanguis , here 's to thee .

Sang.

Choler , here 's to thee .

Choler .

Cheiromantes , haue at you .

Cheiro.

Worke . ( Choler drinks ) Physiognomus , will you taste this liquor ?

Physiog.

Play off : ( Cheiromantes drinks ) Well then , I am last , I le drinke to you all ; I le leaue ne'r a jot : ( Hee drinks ) there , Musica , there 's thy bottle .

Music.

Sanguis and Choler shake hands ; are you friends ?

Sang.

With all my heart .

Choler .

With all my heart .

Music.

Cheiromantes , they say , you can tell fortunes ; is it true ?

Cheiro.

Trie me .

Music.

Let 's know all our fortunes then .

Cheiro.

Come on , let me see your hand , sweet Musica : you shall be belou'd of two , a Courtier and a Scholer ; you shall loue the Courtier more ; but the Scholer shall haue you ; and it shall so come to passe , that the Courtier shall afterward be your seruant : your husband shall be exceeding melancholy : you shall haue three sonnes ; the first shall be call'd by his fathers name ( but I know not what that shall be ) and hee shall be extreme discontent and solitarie ; and if he preuent a consumption , he may liue till fortie ; for longer he cannot , being of a cold and drie constitution : the second shall be called Timido , and hee 'll be indanger of being bit with a mad dogge ; which if he scape , he may liue till fiftie : the third shall be called Iucundo ; the other two tooke after their father ; but hee 'll take after his mother ; hee will be exceedingly giuen to good cheere , musike , and women : he will be in danger of a Surfet ; and of Fire ; and if he scape these two , especially burning , he may liue to be an old man .

Phleg.

Tell me mine next .

Cheiro.

You , Phlegmatico ; 't will be long ere you can get you a wife ; yet you 'll haue one , and one daughter ; the child will die very young , of the blacke Iaundice , and your wife of the dropsie .

Phleg.

Sirrah , I saw you steale before , and now I heare you lie , you rogue .

Melan.

Tell me mine next .

Cheiro.

I le tell you yours in your eare . He whispers in Melancholico's eare .

Melan.

Thanks , deare Cheiromantes .

Sang.

Nay , and fortunes be so good that are told in ones eare ; I le haue mine told in my care too .

Cheiro.

Thus 't is then . He whispers in his eare .

Sang.

Pish , this is no such fine fortune .

Choler .

Tell me mine openly .

Cheiro.

Why , this 't is : You , Choler , shall be somewhat happy in your wife : her name shall be Poenitentia ; you shall haue two children ; and one shall take only after you , his name shall be Furioso . He shal die in his young age , in an Ale-house , of a stab in at the mouth , which shal passe thorow his tongue , and braines . The other child shall be a daughter ; shee shall take after her mother ; her name shall be Lacryma , a modest sober girle , and one that shall be well beloued by wise men .

Choler .

Well , this is a prettie mixt fortune ; now , what 's thine owne fortune and thy fellowes ?

Cheiro.

Oh , starke naught , starke naught ; I le conceale them .

Music.

Then fare you well ; I can stay no longer .

Sang.

'Faith you shan't goe yet ; what haue you in your packe ?

Music.

What 's that to you ?

Melan.

Prethee , Musica , tell mee , what thou hast in thy packe ?

Music.

Why , because you speake kindly now , and intreat me , I le shew you .

Melan.

Hay , braue ! what 's here ?

Sang.

Morrice-bels ?

Phleg.

And waste-coates , and napkins ?

Choler .

Why , how cam'st thou by them ?

Music.

Why , thus : my Mistris had beene ill a good while , and because I tended her very carefully ; shee gaue mee leaue to recreate my selfe to day ; and i'faith I light on merry companie , where they vs'd these jinglers : and when they had done , they pray'd mee to carrie them home with this bottle of drinke .

Sang.

Faith , and there were enow , wee 'd dance .

Music.

Enow ? now I thinke on 't , there 's iust enow , there 's sixe paire .

Sang.

Faith wee 'll to it then , but what wouldst thou doe , Musica ?

Music.

Why , I le play the maid Marian .

Sang.

A match , a match : dresse , dresse , wee 'll haue braue jingling . They dresse themselves .

Melan.

I can't dance .

Music.

Nay , prethee be not sullen , good Melancholico .

Melan.

If I doe , I le weare no bels .

Music.

Why then lay one paire aside .

Melan.

But I woun't dance now .

Music.

Why , Melancholico ?

Melan.

I woun't dance , vnlesse I haue one of the wrought waste-coates .

Music.

Why , now they haue put them on .

Melan.

I care not , I woun't dance else .

Music.

Come prethee , Cheiromantes , slip off thine againe and change with him ; Melancholico must haue his sullen humours . So , now we want nothing but the Tabor wee talk't of : but 't is no matter , since he does not come , wee 'll sing , and so make musike to our selues . Who can tune the Morrice best ?

Enter an hobby horse dancing the Morrice and a Tabourer .

Oh , The hobby horse rushes on them , and throwes them all downe . here they are both , here they are both .

Cheiro.

O my arme , my arme !

Sang.

O my shinne !

Choler .

Ah , murren on him ; who the deuill 's this ?

Phleg.

I haue hurt my brest .

Physiog.

O the side of my face !

Melan.

A rope on you , must you throw me quite downe ?

Music.

Prethee dance the morrice quietly with vs : vp , vp , ho , and wee 'll dance . They dance three times , the hobby-horse ouer throwes them all againe , kisses Musica , and runnes away with the Tabourer .

Sang.

A murren goe with you — Musica , who play'd in the hobby-horse ?

Music.

No , I must not tell .

Sang.

Come then , wee 'l goe now to Barly-breake .

Phleg.

I but there 's one odde : what shall he doe ? sit out euery time ?

Mus.

Yes faith , and giue a reason of the other three couples meeting .

Mel.

Agreed : runne .

They run and meet thus : Sanguis . Musica . Physiognomus . Cheiromantes . Melancholico . Phlegmatico . Choler .

A murren on 't , must I be the first man must sit out ? nothing angers me but that .

Mus.

Nay Choler , thou 't fret and chafe now —

Sang.

Come Choler , your reasons .

Choler .

Why , thou and Musica are met together — because — Sanguine folkes are most fit for Musicke and sports . Physiognomus and Chieromantes met , because they fear'd wee would haue suspected they would haue pickt our pockets , if they had ioynd with any of vs —

Phys.

We thanke you Choler , wee shall be euen with you , and 't come to our turne .

Choler .

Melancholico , and Phlegmatico ioyn'd ; because one's too dry ; and the other's too moist : and so they 'l serue for Medicines one for another : come runne againe : I le be sure to catch some bodie this time .

They run againe and meet thus . Sanguis . Melancholico . Choler . Phlegmatico Musica . Cheiromantes . Phys.

I can tell you Choler , you had almost mis't this same time too . Well , to my taske , since 't is my lucke . Sanguis and Melancholico met , because one's cold and dry , and the other 's hot , and sufficiently moist : Choler and Phlegmatico ( haue at you Choler ) are like a flap-dragon , or a piece of bread sopt in Aqua-vitae , and then set a-fire —

Choler .

Thanke you Physiognomus .

Phys.

And Musica met with Cheiromantes , because the hand in this sence , in respect of Musicke , may most iustly bee call'd the Instrument of instruments : and therefore most fitly to be coupled with it .

Choler .

I'faith Cheiromantes you are beholding to him , he has grac'd you .

Phys.

Come , runne againe .

They meet thus : Choler . Cheiromantes . Sanguis . Physiognomus . Musica . Phlegmatico . Mel.

What ? is 't my course ?

Choler .

Hay ! Melancholico will giue gallant reasons .

Sanguis .

I , hee 'l be exceeding witty , I warrant you .

Mus.

Nay , I beleeue hee 'l giue incomparable reasons .

Cheiro.

Come on Melancholico .

Phleg.

Let 's heare the first .

Phys.

He lookes as if he would giue profound ones .

Mel.

What ? doe you meane to abuse me ? I le giue none . I le play no more .

Choler .

That 's a poore put-off i'faith ; either play on , or else I le call thee Block-head as long as I know thee .

Mel.

Doe , doe .

Choler .

Block-head , block-head .

Mel.

Come , you sawcy Asse , because you are so hot , I le take you downe : I le propose a riddle .

Mus.

Let it be a good one , and it shall bee for all the reasons thou shouldst haue giuen .

Choler .

Yes faith , and 't be a good one .

Mel.

Well , take it as it is : Riddle me , riddle me , what 's this ? It is not , and yet we see it : 't is like a picture , and yet 't is no picture : and it was drawne by a blinde Painter .

Choler .

This is impossible .

Sang.

Nay Choler , you are too rash in your iudgement — It is not , and yet we see it , — why , it may be you meane honesty , which peraduenture you thinke is no-where truely : but seemes to be some-where .

Mel.

No , no , your coniecture halts .

Mus.

It is not , and yet we see it ? — If it had beene , It is not , and yet wee heare it , I could haue giuen a reasonable coniecture .

Mel.

As how ? I prethee .

Mus.

Why , I could haue thought it to be Fame .

Mel.

Indeed that had beene reasonable : but you see it is not so propos'd ; neither could that hold with the parts that follow : well , to the next .

Sanguis .

'T is like a picture , and yet no picture ? I le giue a very strong coniecture at that .

Mel.

Let 's heare it .

Sanguis .

Why , it may be a Gentlewomans face painted .

Mel.

That coniecture is plausible , but 't will not hold with the rest . To the last .

Sanguis .

And it was drawne by a blinde Painter .

Choler .

That 's altogether impossible .

Sanguis .

You 're too quicke againe , Choler . I can conceiue how that may be .

Mel.

How ?

Sanguis .

How ? Why the Painter might lose his sight after he had drawne the picture , And so be a blinde Painter .

Mus.

Pretty , pretty , pretty .

Mel.

But you are out , Sir .

Choler .

Well , what was 't now ?

Mel.

Nay , since you are so hot , you shan't know .

Sang.

Nay , prethee what is 't .

Mel.

No , I woun't tell it .

Mus.

Nay what sullennesse is this ? Prethee tell . What is it ?

Mel.

I woun't .

Phleg.

A poxe on 't , I long to know . Prethee what is 't Melancholico ?

Choler .

Come , what is 't , Melancholico ?

Mel.

Nay , I 'me a block-head , I 'me a block-head , Choler , 'pray what is 't ? your delicate wit , I doubt not can easily tell .

Choler .

A rope of all sullen noddies : hee sees euery one greedy to know , and therefore out of a doggednesse conceales it .

Phleg.

A rope , if hee had neuer propos'd it , it would neuer haue anger'd me . Will you tell , Melancholico ?

Mel.

Alas , I 'me a block-head .

Chairo.

Well , wee 'l waite his leasure .

Sanguis .

I shall not sleepe for thinking on 't , if he does not tell me .

Phleg.

I shall dreame on 't all night .

Mus.

Good Melancholico , what is 't ?

Mel.

Alas , I 'me a block-head .

Mus.

Pish , why then Good block-head , what is 't ?

Mel.

Nay , you wonn't tell who danc'd in the Hobby-horse , you .

Mus.

I' saith I will , if you 'l tell this first , and sweare you will not be angry with him , for throwing you downe .

Mel.

Nay , I le know that first , and without all conditions .

Omnes .

Doe Musica , prethee doe .

Mus.

I le tell you then in your eare , Melancholico .

Mel.

Nay , he haue it told openly , it concernes euery one as much as me .

Mus.

Why then if you would know , 't was Phantastes ; that had bin at the same merry-making with me .

Mel.

Phantastes ! Indeed I haue heard hee 's the onely fellow in the Countrey to dance in an Hobby-horse : but hee might haue vs'd his friends the humours better .

Mus.

But you 'l forgiue him I hope now .

Omnes .

For thy sake we will .

Mus.

Well . Now Melancholico , what is 't ?

Mel.

I but Musica , you shall kisse me first . They kisse .

Mus.

Come on then .

Mel.

Kisse me againe .

Mus.

Why and againe .

Mel.

And againe .

Mus.

And againe .

Mel.

Now you shall all recant the word Block-head , and say Melancholico is no block-head : say so .

Omnes .

Melancholico is No block-head .

Mel.

So Musica , kisse me once more , and then I le tell .

Mus.

Why thus I doe , sweet Melancholico , that art no block-head .

Mel.

Well said , you little rogue . Why now I 'l tell you , It is the Raine-bow describ'd by Homer ; but you shall haue it by parts : It is not , and yet we see it , — the colours in the Raine bow are not true and very colours , but onely seeme so to be ; as I haue heard Physica often say . It is like a picture , and yet is no picture , — that 's manifest . And it was drawne by a blinde Painter , — Homer was blinde and a Poet , now a Poet as I haue heard my Master say , may fitly bee call'd a Painter ; as painting may be call'd Poēsie in picture .

Choler .

The illation is superfluous to apprehensiue eares .

Musica .

I le remember this i'faith ; where are my Bels , and Wast-coates , and Napkins ? Well , now fare you well all . Exit Musica .

Omnes .

Farewell , Musica .

Choler .

Farewell , Gallants ; my businesse lyes this way too .

Exit Choler . Mel.

Who goes this way ?

Phleg.

That doe I .

Mel.

Come on then ; farewell , Lads .

Exeunt Melancholico , and Phlegmatico . Cheiro.

Fare you well : I 'm glad they are all gone , I haue got some what .

Phys.

What is 't ?

Cheiro.

The paire of Bels which Melancholico would not weare .

Phys.

I protest , I neuer perceiu'd , when thou did'st nimbe them .

Sang.

Nor I .

Cheiro.

Nay , I 'ue the slight of the hand exactly ; if I steale not some what where ere wee come , let me be hang'd : come , Boyes , wee 'll haue some liquor for these Iinglers : i'faith , Sanguis , we must take a Cup or two before you goe to Magus .

Sang.

I care not now for drinking .

Cheiro.

Fie , fie , forsake thy liquor ? 't wil breed good bloud : Sanguis , 't will breed good bloud : Come along Boyes .

Exeunt Omnes .
ACTVS IIII. SCENA VI.

in a Scarlet Gowne , Hood , and Cap with Ermins , a white Staffe , &c.

POLITES , LOGICVS , GRAMMATICVS , POETA , CAVSIDIOVS .

I Doe finde my selfe at this present affected with that which should not touch a good Magistrate , an vnwillingnesse to doe Iustice : yet I professe it proceeds not from a desire to bee iniurious , but mercifull ; not for an ill-will to either , but a loue to both . Whilest heretofore , I vnderstood of this dissention , as I was somewhat cast downe with sorrow , so I was raised with an hope of happie reconcilement , but now that hope also which before was the cause of an vncertaine ioy , is become the ground of my most certaine griefe ; and the rather to see the state of our most blessed Commonwealth ( which the gods haue decreed shall be eternall , if our selues hinder not ) to be thus torne with our ciuill Discords . You are not ignorant of the miraculous meanes which the gods haue vs'd in raysing vs to this greatnesse : not by riches , but pouertie ; not by plentie , but want ; that what to others has beene the occasion of disgrace , has to vs beene the meanes of our present honour : It is the obseruation of the Grecians , Tacitus , and truest Oracle of Greece , Thucidides , that the Athenians Common-wealth was not rays'd to that glorie ( like the rest of Greece ) by the fruitfulnesse but barrennesse of the soyle : for which cause whilest the Inhabitants liu'd secure from the inuasion of Borderers , others growing rich , were at last consum'd by their owne dissentions : so that for the auoyding of publike disturbance , when any were afflicted , they retyred to the Athenians , with what they had left , before all were lost ; who as they did partake of the Athenians securitie , so mutually offer'd to the Athenians the participation of their wealth : the like I may say of our present estate ; we haue not sought vnto others ; yet who haue not sought to vs ? we had nothing , yet what want we , vnlesse it be a moderation of our felicitie ? All other Mechanicke faculties , of whatsoeuer Corporations , haue they not forsooke themselues to retyre to vs ? and yeelded vp their estates , which they thought vnhappie , to receiue them as an happinesse from our bountie ? I speake not these things vnto you as an instructer , but a remembrancer : Not to impose on you a new beliefe beyond your experience , but to imprint in your mindes a iust consideration of your dangerous contention . I haue yet but begunne to speake ; but sorrow is a bad Oratour , and I must continue my speech with a silent Rhetorike . He speakes this aside to Causid .

Poeta .

Presse the abuse throughly , as I instructed you .

Caus.

I warrant you Sir .

Log.

How now , Sir ! What doe you whispering with my Lawyer ?

Poeta .

With yours ? I 'd laugh at that , i'faith .

Log.

With mine ? I , mine , I 'm sure I gaue him a fee .

Poeta .

But I 'm sure I gaue him a couple .

Polites .

How now ! what new contention 's this ?

Log.

And 't please you , he abuses me before your face ; hee bribes my Lawyer .

Poeta .

Yours ! hee 's mine .

Log.

Thine ? he 's none of thine . He 's mine .

Pol.

He can be Aduocate but for one : aske him whose he is .

Log.

Causidicus , are not you my Lawyer ?

Caus.

Yes .

Poeta .

How ! thou Varlet ! why ? art thou not mine ?

Caus.

— Yes .

Polites .

What new face of impudent villanie is this , which does appeare vnto vs ? O thou Monster of a double tongue and heart .

Caus.

Pardon , honour'd Polites .

Polites .

Varlet , thou prophaner of Iustice ! pardon ?

Caus.

Honour'd Polites —

Polites .

Varlet , abuse not mine honest name with that mouth : with what face canst thou aske for mercy , vnlesse thou had'st another face too ? with what tongue wilt thou begge for mercie , vnlesse thou hast a third ! with what heart wilt thou manifest a truth of sorrow , vnlesse thou hast a third also ? doe not speake , kneele , mutter ; one Lawyer come to plead two causes ? O new confidence ! stand aside , thy absence peraduenture might sooner cause vs to forget thy crime : then thy presence , though with most fawning dissimulation , to pardon it : Logicus , you are the accuser ; propose your owne cause ; then shall Poeta answere for himselfe ; and lastly , Grammaticus your witnesse , shall alleage what he knowes . Beginne , Logicus .

Log.

And 't please you , Grammaticus was soundly beaten by this fellow Poeta , and , I forsooth , by his man a clogge-headed Rogue ; but that riming Rascall set him on .

Polites .

Fie , Logicus , fie , fie ; how shamefully you wrong your selfe , by these vnseemely tearmes ? besides , the Gentlemans worth is well knowne .

Log.

He 's a Rascall to Me I 'am sure .

Poeta .

Fie , Logicus , fie ; you see I giue you ne'r a foule word , and that the goodnesse of my Cause , moues eu'n the Iudge in my defence .

Log.

And 't please you Polites , euery one counts him but a dissolute Rascall , and so hee has in all times beene held but for my facultie , what age euer flourisht in which that flourisht not ?

Poeta .

Nay , Logicus , you haue little reason to say so , I can tel you : for if we take a view of the most illustrious Age , that euer the world inioy'd , which I thinke to be the time of the twelue Romane Caesars ; wherein Armes and Learning were at their height , you may obserue Poetrie to haue beene most famous , embraced by Emperours , admired by all who laboured to haue their names amongst the Learned . But for Logicians , alas , ( I must speake the truth ) as their names were vnknowne , so were their endeuours buried in obscuritie : Indeede those times were thriftie , and actiue : but these , out of a wanton softnesse of a daintie sloth , doe onely spinne out these Spider-webs of curiositie ; and it hath beene often my meditation , to haue an amputation of such Excrescencies , and to cause that our youth which is to bee instructed for future vse , should not consume the strength of their wits , in an iniurious labour of fruitlesse vanities . I doe not denie a iust knowledge of your facultie , to be most necessarie , and our selues thereinto haue an aduantage of former times : but yet , alas ! how many thousand famous Oratours haue there beene without Logicke ? how many eternall Poets without Logicke ? whose diuine eloquence could speake beyond all Logicke ; without all Logicke . Enter MVSICA .

Mus.

Reuerend Polites , necessitie has impos'd a bad message vpon me , though vnfit : Astronomia is in a trance , and onely the Heauens know whether or no she will againe recouer . ( I knew it boded no good lucke , that all my Lute-strings crack't last night of their owne accord . )

Polites .

All the gods forbid ; ah deare Astronomia , griefe vpon griefe still : Indeed Musica , thou wast an vnfit Messenger for such sad newes : for this contention , it must rest vndecided till another occasion . Causidicus , I warne you to bee in a readinesse to appeare , when you are sent for .

Exit Polites . Exit Musica . Caus.

Pardon , good Polites , honour'd Polites , good Polites , pardon . Exit Causidicus .

Log.

Grammaticus what thinkest thou of this departure ? is it not prettie ?

Gram.

By my faith , I could make a bad Construction of it : this may bee but a tricke ; well , Poeta , I perceiue you haue some Inuention .

Poeta .

You abuse the integritie of our Honorable Iudge .

Log.

Thou talke of integritie ? goe , goe , thou art a crackt Pitcher , a broken Pisse-pot , Polites talkes against Logicians ; when as your Logicians are the onely Schollers in the world : but the best is he does but talke against them .

Poeta .

The onely Schollers ? the onely Dunces .

Log.

Sirrah , Dunces ?

Poeta .

Yes Logger-head , Dunces : doest thou murmure ? thou know'st not the Letters of thy Alphabet yet .

Log.

How you Slaue ?

Poeta .

Nay , neuer make a Vizard of thy scuruie face : I say thou know'st not the Letters of thy Alphabet : haue not I heard thee say ? Omne A. est B. Omne B. est C. Ergo Omne A. est C. and indeede I thinke there is a like reason , for A. may as well bee C. as B. but fare you well Blockhead , fare you well . Exit .

Gram.

And my Choler were here , hee 'd haue him by the eares : come let 's begonne , here 's nothing to be done : are these your Law-cases ? a murren on them , they are Datiue cases to the Lawyers ; but Ablatiue to the Clients .

Log.

Come , come ; I 'm sure our case is in a fine Predicament : I thinke we haue beene put off long enough : i'faith all Law-cases shall hereafter be no more put in the Predicament of Action ; but of Quando , of Quando ; a plague of these Lawyers . Exeunt Log , & Grammat .

ACTVS IIII .
SCENA . VII. MEDICVS solus , with an Vrinall in his hand .

WHy so ; this is good : I haue brought my selfe into a fine case : I must be a Poysoner , I : and to get my Liuing must lose my Life ; blessing on my wise pate in the meane while . And to obserue the wittie reuenge of the gods ; that this intended Murther should come forth by mine owne man Sanguis , from whom in Policie I conceal'd it : well , I perceiue Bloud is Open-mouth'd and will tell all : but since it is not much knowne , and that I am not as yet accused to Polites , and now requested to helpe Astronomia , I le take the happie occasion , and vse my best art to cure her , and so if shee scape , I may peraduenture scape too ; obtayning pardon for my recompence — let me see — by this water I doe finde the state of her bodie much alter'd , and her disease chang'd . There was an Astronomia that I once had in cure before now , and she was of the very same constitution , had the like disease , and the like turning in her head ; now she dyed , and afterward we made a dissection in her head , to see what was the disaffection of her braine , which when we had done , we found all her braines turn'd to a matter much like cleere Ielly , or a Crystalline Orbe : but I hope all such suspicions of this Astronomia are Fables — but stay — what 's the rellish of her vrine ? ( hee tastes it ) — Pah , naught , naught : oh , who would be a Physician to taste these things ? 't is worse then to be a Salt-peeterman , and digge in a Priuie-house — but what smell has it ? ( he smels to it . ) Foh , worse , worse , I cannot endure it , [ he throwes away the Vrinall , and breakes it . ] Astronomia's of a faire complexion her selfe , I wonder that her Vrine should be so darke ; 't is of the colour of a Cloud . Well , I see shee 's verie corrupt within , and I feare 't is this Astrologia has powder'd her ; to giue her a Potion at the mouth will not doe much good ; for 't will be so long in descending , that the power of it will bee much debilitated ; I conclude then , it must bee a Clyster , a Clyster ; and so I le in , to administer it : well , if I scape this Scowring cleanly ; I le neuer come in the like Pickle againe , whil'st I breathe . Exit Medicus .

ACTVS V.
SCENA I.

in a blacke gowne , a blacke sattin sute , a blacke beuer with a gold hat-band , with a white staffe , &c.

POLITES , PHYSICA .

YOu see , I haue in part describ'd the worthy parts of Geographus ; and doubtlesse 't is pitty any cowardly youngman should spend the strength of his best age in the murmurings of discontent . I can say no more , and you may —

Physic.

Nay , I must needs approue of such commendable parts in him ; but I haue euer thought your Trauailers like vnto Meteors which wander in the Aire , and their loue in particular like the shooting starre , which onely lasts till the fire is spent , and then fals downe againe with a swift precipitation : but I 'm sure my Astronomia is of a more Fixt desire .

Polites .

I , but I 'm perswaded he will be so regular , hee will neuer goe beyond the prescribed bounds of her will ; come , you shall see , shee will so encompasse him , that he shall neuer get out .

Physic.

Hee must , and shall then turne away his man Phantastes , that has incited him to entertayne all his vncertayne courses .

Polites .

Will you be willing , on that condition , to yeeld your consent , that he shall haue her ?

Physic.

I will .

Polites .

Well then , I le hasten a speedie celebration of this marriage : for I le make him discard his Phantastes immediately ; 't was somewhat tolerable to entertayne such a giddie Counsellour , whilest be was vnmarried ; but hereafter assure your selfe he will be more stay'd : and consider , Physica , that though he haue been a Trauailer , yet hee is now come home , and I hope not only to his Countrie , but to himselfe .

Physic.

Well , your wishes and my counsels will worke vpon him , I trust ; and I le be sure , he shall neuer stirre abroad , but Astronomia still shall haue an eye to him .

Polites .

Come then , let 's in .

ACTVS V. SCENA II. GRAMMATICVS , RHETORICA .

FAirest Rhetorica , will the pride of your beautie still tyrannize ? will it be still in the Imperatiue Mood ? and shall my languishing desire be alwaies in the vnhappy Optatiue ? let me goe a little further , and come at last to the Potentiall .

Rhet.

Yes , faith , you shall goe further if you will , to the Infinitiue : I am not in the Mood to be wooed now .

Gram.

Ah , dearest Rhetorica , I cannot choose .

Omnia vincit Amor , & nos cedamus Amori .

Rhet.

I wonder at this , Grammaticus : that you hauing brought Loue vnder a Rule , cannot notwithstanding rule it .

Gram.

Hei mihi quod nullie Amor est medicabilis herbis .

Rhet.

But why should you torture yourselfe so with loue ?

Gram.

Torture ? O but 't is a sweet , a sweet torture .

— In Genitiuo Id tibi dulcedo faciens dulcedinis , illud Demonstratque propago , propaginis : adijce virgo

- we learne this in the very Schoole .

Rhet.

I thinke they are happy that neuer marry .

Gram.

Oh , 't is the right of nature : Funus iusta petit , petit & sponsalia virgo .

Rhet.

If then women desire so much to marry , why is Amor of the Masculine gender ?

Gram.

Because women are not so much loue it selfe , as the cause of loue in men .

Rhet.

I , but me thinks , they should be afraid of Actaeons fortune .

Gram.

Indeed — Est cornus cura sinistra : but that 's not alwayes : 't is but a Redundans , and therefore wee put it among the Heteroclites .

Rhet.

Well , Sir , my necessarie departure must cut off the End of your discourse by an Apocope . Exit . Rhet.

Gram.

I , but 't is a Prothesis to my discontent : O , see the scorne of loue : shee flies away . — Nec vult Panthera demari — well if I were rich enough , I durst lay the losse of her , I 'd gaine her : but 't is mony must goe first ; and therefore , now I thinke on 't , it runnes so in the rule . — Diuitiaeque Nuptiae item — for riches must be the Vsher , — Oh! but who would fall in loue ? before , I had a little Vnderstanding ; then I fell mad in Loue , and now I doe nothing but waste my selfe with a fruitlesse Sloth ; why this 't is — Intelligo , diligo , Negligo tantum — and yet I can scarce hope , & yet I must loue . Naturam expellas furcâ licet , vsque recurret . Exit Gram.

ACTVS V. SCENA III . MAGVS , ASTROLOGIA , PHYSIOGNOMVS , CHEIROMANTES .

MY great gods protect mee ; but the last night was a-dreadfull night vnto me .

Astrol.

Why ? had you any terrible dreames ?

Magus .

Worse , worse : my spirit Glassialabolas appear'd vnto me , and being skilful in the knowledge of future things , most louingly has foretold mee of great danger comming towards me ; and hee said it would happen when I did least suspect it , and amongst my acquaintance too ; hee appeared in his wonted shape like a Dogge with the wings of a Griffin , but he lookt most horridly , most horridly : and mee thought when hee went out , there followed him foure , iust like to vs foure for all the world .

Astrol. Physiog. Cheiro. simul .

Like to vs foure ? alas !

Magus .

Iust like to vs foure ; and they cryed exceedingly as they went : and I ventured to call him backe againe , but he would not come .

Astrol.

I wonder I wakt not ; why did you not tell me of it before ?

Magus .

I protest I was in a doubt whether I should tel thee at all or no , it was so terrible .

Astrol.

Why you 're of my mind iust : for I had an vntoward dreame , and was verily resolu'd not to tell you , but now I will : mee thought I and Astronomia fell out exceedingly about Geographus , because shee kist him , and mee thought shee forbade me her house , and that her mother Physica did foreioyce at it , which anger'd mee most of all . Indeed I doe not like the effect which I see the heauens likely to produce ere long , against some-body , but I hope 't will not be to vs .

Cheiro.

In good faith , I had the prettiest dreame that e're you heard , mee thought as I was about to picke a fellowes pocket , hee strooke mee quite thorow the hand with a knife , and leauing the knife in my hand , thrust his hand into my pocket and pickt it , and so punisht me , as I haue punisht others many a time .

Physiog.

Troth , and as I was going to bed last night , there stood in the chamber window a looking-glasse ; and as I came by , chance to lay my hand downe there , the candle not standing farre off , I saw my face in the glasse , but in good faith me thought I lookt so wanly and so scuruily — and indeed I haue heard them often say , 't is ill lucke to see ones face in a glasse by candle-light .

Magus .

Well , let then all our ill lucke come together , if it will : indeed Astronomia's perfectly recouer'd , and I saw but now Geographus and her with Polites ; which can bode no good : and afterwards I met with Geometres , and he passed by , without saluting me , but lookt sullenly towards me : I know not what 's the matter ; but I feare me , hee has scarce learn'd the Rule of friendship , to keepe secrets . Well ; come what will , we will not accuse our selues by a foolish retirednesse or feare ; and if we should chance to be conuented , wee must be very obedient , and that will argue an innocency : and let them proue what they can , it may be they can proue nothing , and then we are free ; if they proue the worst they can , and condemne vs to death , we 'll patiently heare our sentence of condemnation ; but when they are about to carry vs to prison , then you shall see my art : [ he takes foure rings out of his pocket . ] See , here are foure rings , there 's each of you one , and here 's a fourth for my selfe : put them in your pockets , and when your condemnation is pronounc'd , and they thinke to carry vs away , priuily slip those rings on your little-fingers , and then crie aloud Glassialabolas three times , and we shall all foure immediately become inuisible .

Astrol. Physiog. Cheiro. simul .

Hay braue ! we stand aboue fate , and the heauens .

Magus .

Come , now let 's goe securely .

Physiog. Cheiro.

Long may great Magus liue : long may great Magus liue . Exeunt omnes .

ACTVS V. SCENA IIII . POETA , PHANTASTES .

I Protest , Phantastes , I 'm sorry for thee ; but thou know'st I haue a man alreadie , and one that loues mee very well , Melancholico .

Phant.

Yet , dearest Poeta , if you will vouchsafe another also intertaynment , Phantastes shall be readie at your command .

Poet.

How farre hast thou trauail'd with Geographus ?

Phant.

Too farre , Sir , to be cast off now : why , about the world , Sir ; or to speake the truth , I haue gone further then he .

Poet.

Say'st thou so ?

Phant.

Yes , I le assure you , Sir : and I can acquaint you , Sir , if you please , with one particular attempt of mine , whereby I out-ventur'd him .

Poet.

What 's that ?

Phant.

Why , Sir , in our North-voyage being come to the vtmost part in all Finmarchia , to the North-cape ( the Longitude thereof is well-nigh fiftie degrees , and the Latitude almost 73. ) being then past the Articke-circle about sixe degrees , and so by consequent being in a paralell Spheare , Geographus durst not venture any further ; and there was , Sir , at that time in our company , a great Magician ( I haue forgot of what Vniuersitie ) which Magician and I , leauing Geographus vpon the Land , vnder-tooke ( being so neere ) to discouer the parts directly vnder the Pole .

Poet.

But what was your deuice against the cold ?

Phant.

Why , Sir , besides excellent furres we had , we had also hot waters to preserue our heate within : but at last wee were come so farre , that wee were faine to come out of our ship vpon the ice , and then the Magician being also an exquisite Geometrician , got the ship vpon the Ice , and then made wheeles for it , and an artificiall Engine to make it goe of it selfe ; you may see proportionally the like deuice in your Puppets that will goe and turne of themselues . The ice then being smooth , the ship went forward of its owne accord , till wee found our selues to haue past the Articke circle twenty three degrees full . Then were we halfe a degree iust from the Pole : there we met with a most furious sea , that scornes to yeeld to the vsurping cold ; when the Geometrician takes me off the wheeles , and forth we lanched , and so sail'd till wee came to haue the Pole it selfe for our Zenith ; and then we beheld a dreadfull rocke .

Poeta .

How did yee then ?

Phant.

Why thus , Sir : when the Magician saw this , he immediately drawes a booke out of his Pocket , and falles to reading ; when straight-way all the sea about vs was as calme as a fresh water riuer amongst vs : and the ship went no faster then we would haue it our selues ; and so without any danger we came to the rocke ; vnto which making a shift to fasten our shippe , we ascended : it seem'd as blacke as any Pitch : vpon the top of which ( for we went to the top ) there ascended an huge Piller : which on the lower parts seem'd as blacke as the rocke ; but still in the Ascent it grew whiter , and whiter ; and indeed the whole piller seem'd to vs very Ice , but that it was at the lower part blacker , and it was as bigge as ordinarily any tower among vs ; and at the bottome of it there was a passage to go in . We went in , and being entred , there were two paire of staires , the one descending , the other ascending : for we found the piller to be hollow , and our sight could not discouer without-side how high it was : wee went downewards some dozen or twenty staires , where wee heard a most hideous noise , that our hearts failing vs we came vp againe .

Poeta .

And what did you come away then ?

Phant.

No , Sir , we then went vpwards , and in our ascent we still found open places to giue vs light and Aire ; as bigge commonly as a doore ; and we ascended so far , that at last the Sunne shin'd vpon vs , as it does here , & then it grieu'd vs to thinke we were to go backe such an vncouth way againe ; wel , we went still higher , & at last looking out at these doores , and seeing that part of the world that lay towards vs , ( being a fine Sun-shine day , ) we saw a very terrible battell , fought betweene the Turke and the Persian , wherein the Turke was put to the worst : but now the Magician growing weary , and desirous to knowe how farre this Piller ascended , he held by the side of the doore , and lookt vpwardes , but with the feare suddainely fell downe : and there was the vnhappy end of my companion . This piller doubtles we coniectur'd to be the Pole , and the way to heauen ; and the staires that descended , the way to hell , and to the other Pole . With this accident I being halfe affrighted , with a trembling at the wonders of the gods , humbly descended .

Poeta .

Alas ! what did you doe in that case being alone ?

Phant.

Why , Sir , when I was come downe , the sea was still calme ; and so I vnfastening the ship , saild the Ice , and according to the instruction I had learn'd of the Magician , I got it ouer the Ice ; & without any danger return'd to Geographus .

Poeta .

Mee thinkes you should haue had but Cold Comfort to be in that place alone .

Phant.

I protest vnto you , Sir , simple as I stand here now , I did it then . Now , Sir , wheresoeuer Geographus comes , he equally bragges of this attempt as his also ; but I vow by my former dangers and present griefes , the discouerie was made onely by Magus , and Phantastes ; and the relation by Phantastes onely .

Poeta .

And is this the reward which Geographus hauing now gotten enough giues vnto you ? especially you hauing sau'd his credit hitherto in not discouering also his lying arrogancie ? 't is inhumane ingratitude .

Enter ETHICVS .

Ethicus ( to Phantastes ) How now weather-cocke ? what winde blew you this way ? ( to Poeta ) Why , wise man , haue you neuer a fitter Companion then this trauailing gallant ? [ to Phantastes ] Pray be so mannerly as to trauaile a little aside ; I must speake with Poeta .

Phant.

Alas sir , I 'le not disturbe you ; when a man 's once downe , I perceiue he shall be trod vpon . Exit Phantastes .

Ethicus .

How now ? what would this fellow haue with you ?

Poeta .

A seruice .

Ethicus .

Yes faith , you should entertaine euery mans cast-off . Come , are you ready with your Maske you promis'd Polites at the Celebration of Astronomia's marriage ? all the chiefe of the Common-wealth will bee there .

Poeta .

Yes I wil attend vpon their ioy and mine owne griefe : I haue made a maske aforehand ; for I foresaw long agoe Geographus should haue her ; I haue kept my promise ; but 't is but short , as my discontent would giue me leaue : and the boyes that are to acte it , haue learned it at once reading ouer , and Melancholico has drest them by this time I thinke .

Ethicus .

Come , let 's in : I hope ere long to come to your wedding and Historia's .

Poeta .

Mine ? alas ! I 'le resolue now to liue and die a maide : Historia shall register me vp among her examples of virginitie .

Ethicus .

I , and thy verse make her immortall : come , let 's goe , but thou mak'st me laugh , a Poet die a maide ? I neuer knew any of the brood yet , so chaste . Exeunt .

ACTVS V. SCENA V. MEDICVS CAVSIDICVS . Med.

NAy Causidicus , your state cannot be worse then mine ; for I 'm in a terrible quandarie , more shaking then an Ague : 't had bin better I had taken the poyson my selfe , for so I might haue tooke a Vomit , and peraduenture got it vp againe ; but I shall neuer be able to Purge my selfe of this infamy .

Causid.

'Faith Medicus , and I thinke no mans case can be likely worse then mine owne : for it had bene better for mee if I had pleaded ne'r a cause , rather then two . Well , I feare by this double fee , I shall purchase the fee-simple of a knaue , as long as I liue .

Medicus .

Indeed I doe not well see how you will be euer able to plead againe now your tongue 's clouen ; and yet I remember there was a famous Lawyer , that riding to plead two or three causes ( iust as you would haue done now ) vnhappily fell off his horse , and falling on his chinne , his tongue by chance doubling in his mouth , he bit it quite thorow , and yet by good lucke I cur'd him .

Causid.

Nay , for my tongue , that will doe well enough : but 't is my eares that I feare : I would I had but a Lease of mine owne life for them .

Medic.

'Faith , witty great crimes are like a consumption , they are easily to be cur'd when they begin , but hardly discouer'd ; and easily discouered when they are ripe , but hardly cur'd : and therefore I feare we shall be both cut off as desperate Members .

Causid.

Well , yet let 's keepe possession of our states as long as we can ; and that must be by this meanes . If we be call'd to our accounts , not presently to confesse , for the veriest thief will at the first plead , Not Guiltie : and yet wee will not too-stiffely stand in our innocency , that so there may be a way left for our pardon .

Medic.

Well , let 's hasten in to the celebration of the marriage ; for wee 're expected before this time ; my heart 's almost at my mouth with feare , and Dances , me thinks , as if it were at the wedding alreadie .

Causid.

This Polites is a subtill fellow , and he 'l take vs when we little thinke on 't ; but wee 'll goe voluntarily , and so hee shall not need to send out a Capias ad respondendum , for vs .

Medic.

Well , I thinke when all comes to all , our best meanes to wash away these faults , will be our Distillation of teares . Exeunt Medicus & Causidious .

ACTVS V. SCENA VI.

[ The Musike playing , these enter . ] in a scarlet gowne , hood , and cap with Ermines . POLITES GEOGRAPH . ASTRONOM . PHYSICA ETHICVS OECONOM . POETA , GEOMETRES , GRAMMATICVS , LOGICVS , MAGVS , MEDICVS , HISTORIA , ARITHMETICA , RHETORICA , ASTROLOGIA , MVSICA , MELANCHOLICO , SANGVIS , CHOLER , PHLEGMATICO .

ALl happinesse attend the Nuptials .

Omnes .

All happinesse attend the Nuptials .

Polites .

Physica , you now behold the blest vnion of your dearest child .

Physic.

And with ioy , thanks to the gods and most honor'd Polites . Enter PHANT.

Choler .

How now , sirrah ? what doe you here ? you serue no body here , get you our againe .

Phant.

I woun't , Sir : they say here 's a maske to be seene .

Choler .

Woun't you , Sir ? I le trie that .

Polites .

What 's the matter there ?

Choler .

Why , and 't please you , Sir , Phantastes is shifted in here to see a maske , which he sayes , he heard should be here , but he is deceiu'd , and I 'd haue him out againe .

Polites .

Come , let him alone , let him alone , this once ; hee 'll sooner shift to see such a toy then a better thing : but wise-mens marriages now-adayes can be thriftily celebrated without Fiddlers .

Phant.

Sirrah , now I will stand here in spight of your teeth .

Choler .

You may thanke Polites , or else i'faith I 'd ha' trounc'd you .

Polites .

Silence : Since the gods haue afforded vs the happinesse of so frequent an Assembly , I thinke it the next happinesse to vse a preuenient discretion , vpon this offred occasion , for the reformation of some dangerous abuses , which most stealingly haue crept into the common-wealth : and therefore are the more dangerous , by how much they are the more secret . Magus and Astrologia , depart the Bench .

Magus .

Wee ?

Astrol.

Wee ?

Polites .

Obey , or iustice shall be violent to inforce you . Choler , are the two rogues , Physiognomus , and Cheiromantes apprehended , as I gaue command ?

Choler .

Yes , Sir , and at hand .

Polites .

Let them be brought in then ; and with them Causidicus . Exit Choler . Medicus , leaue the bench .

Medic.

I ? who 's my accuser ?

Polites .

Thine owne actions , and thy man Sanguis shall cry lowd against thee .

Enter CHOLER with CAVSIDICVS and PHYSIOGNOMVS , but drawing CHEIROMANTES . Choler .

O the gods ! and 't please you , Polites , this little rogue Cheiromantes being vnwilling to come , as I was drawing him , pickt my pocket . 'Sbones , these Varlets are worse then witches , for they say when they are in hold , they must leaue their deuill , but a man had as leife haue the deuill in hold as these , for they 'l haue his mony in hold , or it shall scape 'hem hardly .

Polites .

Physiognomus , and Cheiromantes , doe you know this Gentleman ? He points to Poeta .

Physiog.

Yes , Sir .

Cheiro.

Yes , Sir .

Polites .

And did you neuer know a purse of his ?

Cheiro.

I protest vnto your Honour , there was nothing but a few idle papers in 't , but not a peny of mony .

Poet.

Oh the impudence of villany ! by the reputation of a Gentleman , I put fiue pounds of gold into it the morning before I came forth ; or else Poeta's a Feigner .

Cheiro.

Sure then , Sir , you put it forth againe before you came forth .

Polites .

Well , your owne confession proclaimes your guilt ; Iustice , therefore awards you this sentence . Thou Physioguemus , that thou maist neuer looke any man in the Face more , shalt be burnt in the fore-head for a Rogue , that so euery one may know thee by thy Physiognomie — Cheiromantes , since thou hast had a Hand in this matter too , thou shalt bee burnt in the hand , and then both of you shall be banished the Common-wealth of the Sciences . — Choler , take them away .

Phys.

Tush , I le but paint my Face afterwards .

Cheiro.

And I le quickly bite it out of my hand againe .

Physiog.

Wee scorne to scape this punishment . Exeunt Choler , Physiog . Cheiro .

Cheiro.

Wee scorne to scape this punishment . Exeunt Choler , Physiog . Cheiro .

Polites .

Geometres , did not Magus offer by Magike and loue-cups to procure you the loue of Astronomia ?

Geom.

Yes , Sir , he did .

Polites .

And Geometres , did not you see Astrologia at the Banquet at Ethicus his house , cast a powder into Astronomia's drinke ?

Geom.

I did Sir .

Polites .

Why then , iustice must proceed vpon you .

Magus .

We yeeld our selues to your Honours mercie .

Astrol.

We yeeld our selues to your Honours mercie .

[ Geometres comes to Polites , and whispers him in the eare , then returnes to his place ] Polites .

Melancholico and Sanguis lay hands vpon them presently , search their pockets , and take out certaine Rings if they haue any .

Magus .

Glassialabolas , Glassialabolas , Glassialabolas . Oh violence ! Oh violence !

Astrol.

Glassialabolas , Glassialabolas , Glassialabolas . Oh violence ! Melanch . and Sanguis search their pockets by force , and take out Kings . Oh violence !

Mel.

Here 's one Sir .

Sang.

And here 's another .

Geom.

I , these are they . Magus himselfe acquainted mee with this deuice : for , these Rings put on their little-fingers , and those words repeated thrice , would haue made them inuisible immediately .

Omnes .

O strange !

Geom.

Now honour'd Polites , you may proceed .

Polites .

Magus , because thy profoundest villanie was wrought by a Circle ; in stead of an endlesse punishment like thy Circle , here thou shalt bee broken vpon a wheele , and afterwards the gods no doubt will adiudge thee for euer to supply Ixions roome , by turning his wheele . Thou Astrologia , shalt not as yet be determin'd on , but cast into a close Prison , that thou maist neuer more behold the Heau'ns , but bee tortur'd continually with a perpetuall anxietie , and expectation of thy fate .

Geog.

Nay , honour'd Polites , let mee begge Magus his life .

Astron.

I ; and I , that Astrologia may enioy the benefit of the Heauens , libertie .

Polites .

I may not without a danger to the Common-wealth .

Geog.

Then let Geographus obtaine the request on this condition , that they vndertake a voluntarie trauaile , in stead of an inforc'd banishment .

Polites .

Depart then the Common-wealth for euer .

Magus .

Wee goe . Heauen and Hell conspite Magus and Astrologia's ruine ; and yet they will not ruine vs .

Astrol.

Wee goe . Heauen and Hell conspite Magus and Astrologia's ruine ; and yet they will not ruine vs .

Exeunt Magus , and Astrologia . Polites .

Medicus , did not you send Poyson in stead of Physicke to Poeta being sicke ?

Med.

And 't please you , I know not whether it were Poyson or not : I sent Historia's owne seruant with a Recipe , to Galli-pot mine Apothecarie : and if it were bad , 't was his villanie .

Polites .

Well , as if he had any reason to haue done so , without vnder-hand notice from you ? doe not depriue your selfe of an hope of pardon by an vniust pretence of innocencie .

Med.

Good Polites . [ On his knees ] .

Polites .

What canst thou say for thy selfe , that iudgement should not proceed against thee ?

Med.

Honour'd Polites , vouchsafe to heare mee speake : with griefe I acknowledge mine offence , but it was need first made mee bad : I was at the first an Apothecaries man , and keeping a note of Recipe's that came to my Master , and inquiring of the bearers the disease of the Patient , I afterward turn'd Physician , but I neuer administred any Physicke but such as I found in my Papers : and then , for fashion , I fell to reading some Physick-bookes : and though I could not iudge of them , and make vse of them , yet I by them did learne to talke with my Patients in their sicknesse .

Polites .

Oh , the confident ignorance of beggerly Emperickes ! Well , stand aside a little : Causidicus , can thy two tongues , make one honest defence for the iustifying of thy selfe ? what canst thou alleage that iudgement should not proceed against thee ?

Caus.

My Booke , honour'd Polites .

Polites .

Thou canst not haue it .

Caus.

Honour'd Polites —

Polites .

Thou canst not haue it .

Caus.

Then vouchsafe , I beseech you , to heare me speake . I likewise must accuse Pouertie of my first guilt ; 't was need also that first made mee bad : I was at the first a Sumner , then got to be a Scriuener , then a Lawyers Clarke ; and these were the first steps of my fortune : and since I haue beene a Lawyer , ( alas ! ) such haue beene my wants , that hauing no Clyents to saue my credit , I haue pretended businesse , and gone vp and downe with a Pen and Inke-horne by my side , as earnestly as if I had a dozen Causes to plead : when ( alas ! ) I had scarce bread to liue on , that , I protest vnto your honour , Fortune had quite out-law'd my estate .

Polites .

Well then , I award thee this mercifull iudgement : because , Causidicus , after seuen yeeres practice of the Law ( for so long thou hast , I know not how iustly , gone vnder that title ) thou hast deseru'd to hold vp thy hand at the Barre , when thou shouldst haue beene the defender of Iustice , thou shalt hence-forth be call'd a Barrister ; till by thy honest pleading you redeeme your selfe from that name ; and hereafter when any of thy Profession plead Causes , they shall , in the admonishing remembrance of thy crime , plead at a Barre — ; and that thy pleading of two Causes may bee remembred , thou shalt weare , &c. — For you , Medicus , because you did happily recouer Astronomia —

Astron.

Indeed he gaue me a very good Clyster , Heauen knowes .

Polites .

Wee pardon your offence : and thus vpon your Good-behauiour wee will suffer you both in the Common-wealth ; but with this caution , that if euer you come by your Learning to any degrees in the Vniuersitie of our Common-wealth , ( that you may for euer bee distinguished from other men ) because you haue not beene found Viri quadrati , Square and vpright men ; you shall bee enioyn'd to weare Round Caps .

Med.

A like mercie still attend Polites .

Causid.

A like mercie still attend Polites .

Polites .

But , Medicus , see you loue your man Sanguis , though this your crime was detected by him : I say , Sanguis is an honest seruant , and more faithfull to the whole Bodie of the Common-wealth , then any one Corrupt Member . Depart , and hence-forth abuse not our mercie .

Med.

Long may Polites liue most honour'd ; long may Polites liue most honour'd . Exeunt Med. & Causi .

Causid.

Long may Polites liue most honour'd ; long may Polites liue most honour'd . Exeunt Med. & Causi .

Enter CHOLER . Polites .

Thus , as in a naturall bodie , the first way to health , is by remoouing all more dangerous corruptions ; and the second , by reducing the humours to a compos'd temperature : the first is alreadie perform'd , and now it remaines that wee temper our selues . Most honour'd Citizens , I am not ignorant either of your contentions or loues : the first of which , as I would labour to dissolue : so to vnite the last ; if your selues will be pleas'd but to referre the composing of your differences to my vnpartiall censure .

Omnes .

We are pleas'd , Reuerend Polites .

Polites .

The gods adde the happinesse of successe to my determinations . First , then Poeta , Logicus , and Grammaticus , you shall bury all former contentions in a perpetuall {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} , or obliuion , and then I thus proceed : For you Geometres , I am sorrie that that Villaine Magus did so farre seduce you ; but we all reioyce at your recouerie : and since Geographus has obtain'd Astronomia , embrace you courteously the loue of Arithmitica . I 'm sure euer since you haue both beene of yeeres of discretion , you haue beene acquainted : and besides , Geometres , there is not any man in the World , whom shee makes more account of then your selfe : and therefore I will not say , vt ameris ama , loue her , that she may loue you ; but Quia amaris ama . Loue because you are first lou'd ; nay , 't is a iust gratitude , which also is a loue , and so you shall double it . Briefly , if there be any point , Geometres , which you stand vpon , know you remaine still at Ods ; but if you embrace the loue of Arithmetica , you 'l be at a perfect vnitie .

Geom.

Well , Polites , Geometres shall bee Rul'd by you this once ; come , Wench , sure I must loue thee , I euen long to take thine Altitude .

Arith.

And I trust we two shall be alwaies Euen .

Polites .

Poeta , you haue partly yeelded to mee in priuate a consent to the imbracing of Historia's loue , which if you shall publikely confesse , and so confirme , you shall not only get a Wife , but a friend ; and what honour Polites may doe , to Poeta , loue and oportunitie shall vnitedly performe .

Oeconoma .

I ; consent , wild-head , consent : shee 'l make thee more stay'd .

Poeta .

I yeeld : Historia , my loue shall more inseparably follow thee , then the Hexameter the Pentameter ; or the Adonicke , the Sapphicke .

Historia .

Why , thus did Xenophon and his Loue ioyne together .

Polites .

As for you , Grammaticus , I vnderstand of your great affection to Rhetorica ; who though shee loues Logicus , yet because hee loues not her mutually ( which must be required betweene such paires ) and that Rhetorica had shewed some kind of affection toward Grammaticus , with my best desires I will ioyne you two ; and the rather to induce a willingnesse in you , Rhetorica , I would haue you not forget , how Grammaticus and you haue beene brought vp from Children together , and Schoole-fellowes , and take this for a rule : Change not an old friend . Yeeld Rhetorica , yeeld , let Physica intreate thee .

Rheto.

Why then , Grammaticus , at this double request , without any Circumlocutions or Figures , I plainely offer vnto thee my loue .

Gram.

Why then , dearest Rhetorica , Qua nostros vidisti flentis ocallos . Thou doest not onely gratifie Polites , but also Physica , and Nature her selfe : for , Commune omnium animantium est coniunctionis appetitus procreandi causâ .

Polites .

You Logicus , if you 'l leaue your contentions , hauing no desire , as I perceiue , to marrie —

Log.

I care not for marrying ; I see no good Foundation , for any such Relation .

Polites .

Wee will assume you for your approued vnderstanding —

Logic.

I , I should be sorry if I had not a good vnderstanding —

Polites .

As an assistant to our selfe . For your man Phlegmatico , if he will win Polites his loue , let him leaue his Tobacco .

Ethicus .

I , and learne more , manners , for I am sure he wants them .

Polites .

And Grammaticus , for your man , let him bridle his Choler . Now my counsell shall be , that you , Ethicus , and Oeconoma , would vouchsafe to giue good aduice to Poeta and Historia : and you , honour'd Physica , to your happy children Geographus and Astronomia : for Grammaticus and Rhetorica their Tongues will alwayes agree , and then I thinke they can hardly fall out : and for Geometres and Arithmetica , I likewise know they will be very Regular , and now all 's compos'd ; and yet , now I think on 't , it is not , for yonder Melancholico stands sad , and alone , amongst all these matches : and yet it is better thought on ; yonder 's Musica too : now surely a fit match ; but they shal be henceforth for their ingenuitie , both exempt from seruitude , and made ioynt fellowes with our selues .

Melan.

Thankes to Polites : come , my little Minikin , thou and I will be play-fellowes .

Music.

'Faith I le haue Dancing at my wedding , what ere comes on 't .

Phant.

I beseech you , Polites , suffer not a seruant through want to be lost , and come to an ignominious death .

Poet.

I ( alas ! ) Polites , let Poeta obtayne so much for Phantastes : that hee may be seruant to Melancholico and Musica .

Polites .

I yeeld vnto it .

Phant.

And I trust I shall please my Master , and Mistris , beyond imagination .

Polites .

And now most honour'd Citizens , when our aged and retired Prince Metaphysicus ( whose Deputie only I am , and from whom , as from our Soueraigne , wee hold all wee haue ) when , I say , he shall heare of these happy combinations , what a content may we conceiue he wil conceit at the report ? and for your selues , you may more easily enioy your felicitie , then I expresse it ; and my endeuours also shall not receiue a small encouragement , when the Royall bountie of his Maiestie shall take notice , that these things were done by me . Poeta , you shall giue me leaue , for conclusion of my speech , to vsurpe two Verses , which I haue heard you often speake .

All Subiects labours faile , if Princes frowne : The Princes fauour is the Subiects Crowne .
THE END .
Epilogue . IVdicious Hearers , you When the Epilogue was about to be spoken , the pure Arts were ascended to Heauen , and appeared ( as in the Prologue ) till the Epilogue was ended , and then the Heauen closed . that apprehend What taske it is to make the Artes descend To Popular cares ; you whose pure iudgement knowes , How to distinguish betweene Arte and Showes ; Our Author now salutes . And does compare His Comedie vnto his Theater ; Where some play Artes , some Humors ; and thus fits Himselfe , to all variety of wits . If any yet shall aske why he does bring A Hobby-horse , or such a nimble thing To raise an Ignorant laugh : It was his Art That said , This will expresse Phantastes part ; And thus he Scorn'd and Us'd it . He did feare Indeed , there was a People too , eu'n Here . Therefore his Courteous Comedie did speake And act Some things to satisfie the Weake Shee Academickes ; and to make Them smile , Brought in Impostors , Gypsies , and such vile Pedlars of Artes : yet does he not from These Hope for a Tin-foil'd glory : or so please Himselfe , by a Reflection . Here to stay , And in a Looking glasse behold his play ; Nor does he promise to himselfe , in high Conceit , a Sawcy Immortalitie . Yet This he sayes : Let no man iudge his Arts , But he that first can iudge of All the Artes . But I forget one message ; Fate of life ! Poore Melancholico has lost his wife . For whilst , within , he on the Humours tended , Pure Musike with the Artes to Heau'n ascended . Which makes the poore man sad , that now hee 's growne Into a Dump , thus to be left Alone . Yet since he cannot call Her backe againe , He does intreat this grace he may obtaine ; That You would , to repaire his Marriage bands , Create Another Musica with Your Hands . FINIS .
Machine-generated castlist A03496-poeta 147 A03496-musica 76 A03496-geographus 75 A03496-melancholico 71 A03496-polites 71 A03496-magus 69 A03496-geometres 59 A03496-cheiromantes 58 A03496-choler 49 A03496-sanguis 44 A03496-astronomia 43 A03496-physica 41 A03496-phantastes 38 A03496-logic 33 A03496-medicus 33 A03496-grammaticus 25 A03496-rhetoric 25 A03496-causidicus 24 A03496-ethicus 24 A03496-physiognomus 22 A03496-phlegmatico 19 A03496-astrologia 19 A03496-arithmetic 16 A03496-historia 16 A03496-magician 15 A03496-logicus 13 A03496-multiple 12 A03496-oeconoma 10 A03496-omnes 10 A03496-missing 1 A03496-unassigned 1 A03496-arithmetica 1 A03496-geography 1
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Astronom●● MVSICA , Attendant on Astronomia i● which your desire may be effected , the first is Fascination ; the second Coniuration , and bl●ud the heate of the heart , out of the purer bloud , which through the eyes doth proiect beames besecch Well , I beseech you , Sir , fall to your last remedy , Medicine ●ush eminency of gifts is attended on by enuy : but tush , Olde — I say no worse : let her chide Cl●ke a blacke Suite , a blacke Hat , a blacke Cloke wrapt about his shoulders , a blacke-worke Atrepido Nay , then yfaith : A trepido vix abstinetira Magistro . N●n Non si me obsecres . P●et Poet . poss●ssed discoursing with Age ; especially , when it is possessed with a peruerse preiudice . woun●t thus vexations neuer come alone ; Well , I woun't loue her ; nay , Ile haue her more Hence-forth ha●● alone ; Well , I woun't loue her ; nay , Ile haue her more Hence-forth ; she plagues me worse Hyp●rmeter Chinne is an Adonicke ; and her Tongue — Is an Hypermeter , somewhat too-long . Her Eies , I may compare A●clepiad-like Dactyles , for their nimble View . Her Necke Asclepiad-like turnes round about Behind , before a little ACT● ACTVS II. SCENA III . ●o 〈…〉 to deale with spirits ? Dam●gorgon may recite Cambyses , Zamares , Charondas , Damogorgon , Gobrias , Arbatel , Apollonius , Gog , ●●llow temple at Millaine shall looke like pale-fac'd tallow to it ; it shall haue as many pillars , surlongs Tower of Babylon by eight score Measured furlongs at the least . Magus , I haue enough , I Geome●●●● Geographus drinks to Astronomia ; shee to Geometria ; hee to Arithmetica shee to Astrologia there-in VVhat deuice was there in this ? hea● drinke a full draught of colde water in the heat of his Feuer ; though according to the prescriptions Prethec Prethee , Musica , tell mee , what thou hast in pr●thee Doe 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 prethee doe . shee-forbade , because shee kist him , and mee thought shee forbade me her house , and that her mother soreioyce her house , and that her mother Physica did foreioyce at it , which anger'd mee most of all . ●ands Melancholico and Sanguis lay hands vpon them presently , search their pockets H●nour'd Honour'd Polites — Aarts Yet This he sayes : Let no man iudge his Arts , But he that first can iudge of All the