Poetaster Jonson, Ben The text of this play is part of an enriched version of the TCP digital transcription A04632 of text S112455 in the English Short Title Catalog (STC 14752). Textual changes and metadata enrichments aim at making the text more computationally tractable, easier to read, and suitable for network-based collaborative curation by amateur and professional end users from many walks of life. The text has been tokenized and linguistically annotated with MorphAdorner. The annotation includes standard spellings that support the display of a text in a standardized format that preserves archaic forms ('loveth', 'seekest'). Textual changes aim at restoring the text the author or stationer meant to publish. Martin Mueller Incompletely or incorrectly transcribed words were reviewed and in many cases fixed by Madeline Burg Heejin Ro This text has not been fully proofread EarlyPrint Project Evanston IL, Notre Dame IN, St.Louis, Washington MO 2017 Distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License A04632_04.xml The workes of Beniamin Ionson. Jonson, Ben, 1573?-1637. 441 600dpi TIFF G4 page images University of Michigan, Digital Library Production Service Ann Arbor, Michigan 2003 January (TCP phase 1) 99847709 STC (2nd ed.) 14752. Greg, III, p. 1070-3. 12766 A04632 2240922515

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 The workes of Beniamin Ionson. Works. Vol. 1 Workes of Benjamin Jonson. Jonson, Ben, 1573?-1637. Hole, William, d. 1624, [12], 1015, [1] p. Printed by W: Stansby, and are to be sould by Rich: Meighen, London : An0 D. 1616. 1601

Mostly in verse.

The title page is engraved and signed "Guliel[mus] Hole fecit". The second state of the imprint (see The Library, ser. 6, 8:152-6).

The first leaf is blank.

The subsidiary plays each have separate dated title pages. Of these, "Every man out of his humour", "Cynthia's revels", and "Poetaster" have title pages in varying states; see Greg for details. Pagination and register are continuous.

A number of sheets exist in two different settings, and certain of these appear to be reprints done much later; see Greg and "Studies in Bibliography" 40:106-20.

A second volume was published without general title page in 1631.

Reproduction of the original in the British Library.

 A04632_04 shc Poetaster Jonson, Ben Madeline Burg Heejin Ro 1601 play comedy shc yes A04632 S112455 (STC 14752). 86 39346 0 0 0 0 0 0 0.00 A This text has no known defects that were recorded as gap elements at the time of transcription. Incorporated ~ 10,000 textual changes made to the SHC corpus by Hannah Bredar, Kate Needham, and Lydia Zoells between April and July 2015 during visits, separately or together, to the Bodleian, Folger and Houghton Libraries as well as the Rare Book Libraries at Northwestern University and the University of Chicago Boston Public Library, PR2600 1616

POËTASTER , OR His Arraignement . A Comicall Satyre . Acted , in the yeere 1601 . By the then Children of Queene ELIZABETHS CHAPPEL .

The Author B. I.

MART. Et mihi de nullo fama rubore placet .

LONDON , Printed by WILLIAM STANSBY , for Matthew Lownes .

M. DC. XVI. XVI.

TO THE VERTVOVS , AND MY WORTHY FRIEND , Mr. Richard Martin .

SIr , A thankefull man owes a courtesie euer : the vnthankefull , but when he needes it . To make mine owne marke appeare , and shew by which of these seales I am known , I send you this peece of what may liue of mine ; for whose innocence , as for the Authors , you were once a noble and timely vndertaker , to the greatest Iustice of this kingdome . Enioy now the delight of your goodnesse ; which is to see that prosper , you preseru'd : and posteritie to owe the reading of that , without offence , to your name ; which so much ignorance , and malice of the times , then conspir'd to haue supprest .

Your true louer , BEN IONSON .
The Persons of the Play . AVGVSTVS CAESAR . MECOENAS . MARC . OVID . COR. GALLVS . PROPERTIVS . FVS. ARISTVS . PVB. OVID . VIRGIL . HORACE . TREBATIVS . LVPVS . TVCCA . CRISPINVS . HERMOGENES . DE. FANNIVS . ALBIVS . MINOS . HISTRIO . PYRGVS . LICTORS . IVLIA . CYTHERIS . PLAVTIA . CHLOE . MAYDES .

THE SCENE . ROME .

POETASTER .
After the second sounding . ENVIE . LIght , Arising in the midst of the stage . I salute thee , but with wounded nerues : Wishing thy golden splendor , pitchy darknesse . What 's here ? TH' ARRAIGNMENT ? I : This , this is it , That our sunke eyes haue wak't for , all this while : Here will be subiect for my snakes , and me . Cling to my necke , and wrists , my louing wormes , And cast you round , in soft , and amorous foulds , Till I doe bid , vncurle : Then , breake your knots , Shoot out your selues at length , as your forc't stings Would hide themselues within his malic't sides , To whom I shall apply you . Stay ! the shine Of this assembly here offends my sight , I 'le darken that first , and out-face their grace . Wonder not , if I stare : these fifteene weekes ( So long as since the plot was but an embrion ) Haue I , with burning lights , mixt vigilant thoughts , In expectation of this hated play : To which ( at last ) I am arriu'd as Prologue . Nor would I , you should looke for other lookes , Gesture , or complement from me , then what Th' infected bulke of ENVIE can afford : For I am risse here with a couetous hope , To blast your pleasures , and destroy your sports , With wrestings , comments , applications , Spie-like suggestions , priuie whisperings , And thousand such promooting sleights as these . Marke , how I will begin : The Scene is , ha ! ROME ? ROME ? and ROME ? Cracke ey-strings , and your balles Drop into earth ; let me be euer blind . I am preuented ; all my hopes are crost , Checkt , and abated ; fie , a freezing sweate Flowes forth at all my pores , my entrailes burne : What should I doe ? ROME ? ROME ? O my vext soule , How might I force this to the present state ? Are there no players here ? no poet-apes , That come with basiliskes eyes , whose forked tongues Are steept in venome , as their hearts in gall ? Eyther of these would helpe me ; they could wrest , Peruert , and poyson all they heare , or see , With senselesse glosses , and allusions . Now if you be good deuils , flye me not . You know what deare , and ample faculties I haue indow'd you with : I le lend you more . Here , take my snakes among you , come , and eate , And while the squeez'd juice flowes in your blacke jawes , Helpe me to damne the Authour . Spit it foorth Vpon his lines , and shew your rustie teeth At euerie word , or accent : or else choose Out of my longest vipers , to sticke downe In your deep throats ; and let the heads come forth At your ranke mouthes ; that he may see you arm'd With triple malice , to hisse , sting , and teare His worke , and him ; to forge , and then declame , Traduce , corrupt , apply , enforme , suggest : O , these are gifts wherein your soules are blest . What ? doe you hide your selues ? will none appeare ? None answere ? what , doth this calme troupe affright you ? Nay , then I doe despaire : downe , sinke againe . This trauaile is all lost with my dead hopes . If in such bosomes , spight haue left to dwell , Enuie is not on earth , nor scarse in hell .
The third sounding . PROLOGVE . STay , Monster , ere thou sinke , thus on thy head Set we our bolder foot ; with which we tread Thy malice into earth : So spight should die , Despis'd and scorn'd by noble industrie . If any muse why I salute the stage , An armed Prologue ; know , 't is a dangerous age : Wherein , who writes , had need present his Scenes Fortie sold proofe against the coniuring meanes Of base detractors , and illiterate apes , That fill vp roomes in faire and formall shapes . 'Gainst these , haue we put on this forc't defence : Whereof the allegorie and hid sence Is , that a well erected confidence Can fright their pride , and laugh their folly hence . Here now , put case our Authour should , once more , Sweare that his play were good ; he doth implore , You would not argue him of arrogance : How ere that common spawne of ignorance , Our frie of writers , may beslime his fame , And giue his action that adulterate name . Such ful-blowne vanitie he more doth lothe , Then base deiection : There 's a meane 'twixt both . Which with a constant firmenesse he pursues , As one , that knowes the strength of his owne muse . And this he hopes all free soules will allow , Others , that take it with a rugged brow , Their moods he rather pitties , then enuies : His mind it is aboue their iniuries .
Act I. Scene I. OVID , LVSCVS . THen , when this bodie falls in funerall fire , My name shall liue , and my best part aspire . It shall goe so . LVSC.

Young master , master OVID , doe you heare ? gods a mee ! away with your songs , and sonnets ; and on with your gowne and cappe , quickly : here , here , your father will be a man of this roome presently . Come , nay , nay , nay , nay , be briefe . These verses too , a poyson on 'hem , I cannot abide 'hem , they make mee readie to cast , by the bankes of helicon . Nay looke , what a rascally vntoward thing this poetrie is ; I could teare 'hem now .

OVID .

Giue me , how neere 's my father ?

LVSC.

Hart a'man : get a law-booke in your hand , I will not answere you else . Why so : now there 's some formalitie in you . By IOVE , and three or foure of the gods more , I am right of mine olde masters humour for that ; this villanous poetrie will vndoe you , by the welkin .

OVID .

What , hast thou buskins on , LVSCVS , that thou swear'st so tragically , and high ?

LVSC.

No , but I haue bootes on , sir , and so ha's your father too by this time : for he call'd for 'hem , ere I came from the lodging .

OVID .

Why ? was he no readier ?

LVSC.

O no ; and there was the madde skeldring captaine , with the veluet armes , readie to lay hold on him as hee comes downe : he that presses euerie man he meets , with an oath , to lend him money , and cries ; ( Thou must doo 't , old boy , as thou art a man , a man of worship . )

OVID .

Who ? PANTILIVS TVCCA ?

LVSC.

I , hee : and I met little master LVPVS , the Tribune , going thither too .

OVID .

Nay , and he be vnder their arrest , I may ( with safetie inough ) reade ouer my elegie , before he come .

LVSC.

Gods a mee ! what 'll you doe ? why , young master , you are not castalian mad , lunatike , frantike , desperate ? ha ?

OVID .

What ailest thou , LVSCVS ?

LVSC.

God be with you , sir , I 'le leaue you to your poeticall fancies , and furies . I 'le not be guiltie , I .

OVID . Be not , good ignorance : I 'm glad th' art gone : For thus alone , our eare shall better judge The hastie errours of our morning muse . Ouid Lib 1. Amo. Ele. 15. ENuie , why twitst thou me , my time 's spent ill ? And call'st my verse , fruits of an idle quill ? Or that ( vnlike the line from whence I sprung ) Wars dustie honours I pursue not young ? Or that I studie not the tedious lawes ; And prostitute my voyce to euerie cause ? Thy scope is mortall ; mine eternall fame : Which through the world shall euer chaunt my name . HOMER will liue , whil'st TENEDOS stands , and IDE , Or , to the sea , sleet SIMOIS doth slide : And so shall HESIOD too , while vines doe beare , Or crooked sickles crop the ripened care . CALLIMACHVS , though in inuention lowe , Shall still be sung : since he in art doth flowe . No losse shall come to SOPHOCLES proud vaine . With sunne , and moone , ARATVS shall remaine . Whil'st slaues be false , fathers hard , and bawdes be whorish , Whil'st harlots flatter , shall MENANDER flourish . ENNIVS , though rude , and ACCIVS high-reard straine , A fresh applause in euerie age shall gaine . Of VARRO'S name , what eare shall not be told ? Of IASONS ARGO ? and the fleece of gold ? Then shall LVCRETIVS loftie numbers die , When earth , and seas in fire and flames shall frie . TYTIRVS , Tillage , AENEE shall be read , Whil'st ROME of all the conquer'd world is head . Till CVPIDS fires be out , and his bowe broken , Thy verses ( neate TIBVLLVS ) shall be spoken . Our GALLVS shall be knowne from east to west : So shall LYCORIS , whom he now loues best . The suffering plough-share , or the flint may weare : But heauenly poesie no death can feare . Kings shall giue place to it , and kingly showes , The bankes ore which gold-bearing Tagus flowes . Kneele hindes to trash : me let bright PHOEBVS swell , With cups full flowing from the MVSES well . Frost-fearing myrtle shall impale my head , And of sad louers I le be often read . " Enuie , the liuing , not the dead , doth bite : " For after death all men receiue their right . Then , when this bodie fals in funerall fire , My name shall liue , and my best part aspire .
Act I. Scene II. OVID Senior , OVID Iunior , LVSCVS , TVCCA , LVPVS , PYRGVS .

YOur name shall liue indeed , sir ; you say true : but how infamously , how scorn'd and contemn'd in the eyes and eares of the best and grauest Romanes , that you thinke not on : you neuer so much as dreame of that . Are these the fruits of all my trauaile and expenses ? is this the scope and aime of thy studies ? are these the hopefull courses , wherewith I haue so long flattered my expectation from thee ? verses ? poetrie ? OVID , whom I thought to see the pleader , become OVID the play-maker ?

OVID iu.

No , sir .

OVID se.

Yes , sir . I heare of a tragoedie of yours comming foorth for the common players there , call'd MEDEA . By my houshold-gods , if I come to the acting of it , I le adde one tragick part , more then is yet expected , to it : beleeue me when I promise it . What ? shall I haue my sonne a stager now ? an enghle for players ? a gull ? a rooke ? a shot-clogge ? to make suppers , and bee laught at ? PVBLIVS , I will set thee on the funerall pile , first .

OVID iu.

Sir , I beseech you to haue patience .

LVSC.

Nay , this t is to haue your eares damm'd vp to good counsell . I did augure all this to him afore-hand , without poring into an oxes panch for the matter , and yet he would not be scrupulous .

TVCC.

How now , good man slaue ? what , rowle powle ? all riualls , rascall ? why my Master , of worship , do'st heare ? Are these thy best proiects ? is this thy desseignes and thy discipline , to suffer knaues to bee competitors with commanders and gentlemen ? are wee paralells , rascall ? are wee paralells ?

OVID. se.

Sirrah , goe get my horses ready . You 'll still be prating .

TVCC.

Doe , you perpetuall stinkard , doe , goe , talke to tapsters and ostlers , you slaue , they are i' your element , goe : here bee the Emperours captaines , you raggamuffin rascall ; and not your cam'rades .

LVPV.

Indeed , MARCVS OVID , these players are an idle generation , and doe much harme in a state , corrupt yong gentrie very much , I know it : I haue not beene a Tribune thus long , and obseru'd nothing : besides , they will rob vs , vs , that are magistrates , of our respect , bring vs vpon their stages , and make vs ridiculous to the plebeians ; they will play you , or me , the wisest men they can come by still ; me : only to bring vs in contempt with the vulgar , and make vs cheape .

TVCC.

Th' art in the right , my venerable cropshin , they will indeede : the tongue of the oracle neuer twang'd truer . Your courtier cannot kisse his mistris slippers , in quiet , for 'hem : nor your white innocent gallant pawne his reuelling sute , to make his punke a supper . An honest decayed commander , cannot skelder , cheat , nor be seene in a bawdie house , but he shall be straight in one of their worme wood comoedies . They are growne licentious , the rogues ; libertines , flat libertines . They forget they are i' the statute , the rascals , they are blazond there , there they are trickt , they and their pedigrees ; they neede no other heralds , I wisse .

OVID. se.

Mee thinkes , if nothing else , yet this alone , the very reading of the publike edicts should fright thee from commerce with them ; and giue thee distaste enough of their actions . But this betrayes what a student you are : this argues your proficiencie in the law .

OVID. iu. They wrong mee , sir , and doe abuse you more , That blow your eares with these vntrue reports . I am not knowne vnto the open stage , Nor doe I traffique in their theaters . Indeed , I doe acknowledge , at request Of some neere friends , and honorable Romanes , I haue begunne a poeme of that nature . OVID. se.

You haue , sir , a poeme ? and where is 't ? that 's the law you studie .

OVID. iu.

CORNELIVS GALLVS borrowed it to reade .

OVID. se.

CORNELIVS GALLVS ? There 's another gallant , too , hath drunke of the same poison : and TIBVLLVS , and PROPERTIVS . But these are gentlemen of meanes , and reuenew now . Thou art a yonger brother , and hast nothing , but thy bare exhibition : which I protest shall bee bare indeed , if thou forsake not these vnprofitable by-courses , and that timely too . Name me a profest poet , that his poetrie did euer afford him so much as a competencie . I , your god of poets there ( whom all of you admire and reuerence so much ) HOMER , he whose worme-eaten statue must not bee spewd against , but with hallowed lips , and groueling adoration , what was he ? what was he ?

TVCC.

Mary , I 'le tell thee , old swagger ; He was a poore , blind , riming rascall , that liu'd obscurely vp and downe in boothes , and tap-houses , and scarce euer made a good meale in his sleepe , the whoorson hungrie begger .

OVID. se.

He saies well : Nay , I know this nettles you now , but answere me ; Is 't not true ? you 'le tell me his name shall liue ; and that ( now being dead ) his workes haue eternis'd him , and made him diuine But could this diuinitie feed him , while he liu'd ? could his name feast him ?

TVCC.

Or purchase him a Senators reuenue ? could it ?

OVID. se.

I , or giue him place in the common-wealth ? worship , or attendants ? make him be carried in his litter ?

TVCC.

Thou speakest sentences , old BIAS .

LVPV.

All this the law will doe , yong sir , if you le follow it .

OVID. se.

If he be mine , hee shall follow and obserue , what I will apt him too , or , I professe here openly , and vtterly to disclaime in him .

OVID. iu. Sir , let me craue you will , forgoe these moodes ; I will be any thing , or studie any thing : I 'le proue the vnfashion'd body of the law Pure elegance , and make her ruggedst straines Ruine smoothly , as PROPERTIVS elegies . OVID. se. PROPERTIVS elegies ? good ! LVPV. Nay , you take him too quickly , MARCVS . OVID. se.

Why , he cannot speake , he cannot thinke out of poetrie , he is bewitcht with it .

LVPV.

Come , doe not mis-prize him .

OVID. se.

Mis-prize ? I , mary , I would haue him vse some such wordes now : They haue some touch , some taste of the law . Hee should make himselfe a stile out of these , and let his PROPERTIVS elegies goe by .

LVPV.

Indeed , yong PVBLIVS , he that will now hit the marke , must shoot thorough the law we haue no other planet raignes , & in that spheare , you may sit , and sing with angels . Why , the law makes a man happy , without respecting any other merit : a simple scholer , or none at all may be a lawyer .

TVCC.

He tells thee true , my noble Neophyte ; my little Grammaticaster , he do's : It shall neuer put thee to thy Mathematiques , Metaphysiques , Philosophie , and I know not what suppos'd sufficiencies ; If thou canst but haue the patience to plod inough , talke , and make noise inough , be impudent inough , and 't is inough .

LVPV.

Three bookes will furnish you .

TVCC.

And the lesse arte , the better : Besides , when it shall be in the power of thy cheu'rill conscience , to doe right , or wrong , at thy pleasure , my pretty ALCIBIADES .

LVPV.

I , and to haue better men then himselfe , by many thousand degrees , to obserue him , and stand bare .

TVCC.

True , and he to carry himselfe proud , and stately , and haue the law on his side for 't , old boy .

OVID. se.

Well , the day growes old , gentlemen , and I must leaue you . PVBLIVS , if thou wilt hold my fauour , abandon these idle fruitlesse studies that so bewitch thee . Send IANVS home his back-face againe , and looke only forward to the law : Intend that . I will allow thee , what shall sute thee in the ranke of gentlemen , and maintaine thy societie with the best : and vnder these conditions , I leaue thee . My blessings light vpon thee , if thou respect them : if not , mine eyes may drop for thee , but thine owne heart wil ake for it selfe ; and so farewel . What , are my horses come ?

LVSC.

Yes , sir , they are at the gate without .

OVID. se.

That 's well . ASINIVS LVPVS , a word . Captaine , I shall take my leaue of you ?

TVCC.

No , my little old boy , dispatch with COTHVRNVS there : I 'le attend thee , I —

LVSC.

To borrow some ten drachmes , I know his proiect .

OVID. se.

Sir , you shall make me beholding to you . Now Captaine TVCCA , what say you ?

TVCC.

Why , what should I say ? or what can I say , my flowre o' the order ? Should I say , thou art rich ? or that thou art honorable ? or wise ? or valiant ? or learned ? or liberall ? Why , thou art all these , and thou knowest it ( my noble LVCVLLVS ) thou knowest it : come , bee not ashamed of thy vertues , old stumpe . Honour 's a good brooch to weare in a mans hat , at all times . Thou art the man of warres MECOENAS , old boy . Why shouldst not thou bee grac't then by them , as well as hee is by his poets ? How now , my carrier , what newes ?

LVSC.

The boy has staied within for his cue , this halfe houre .

TVCC.

Come , doe not whisper to me , but speake it out : what ? it is no treason against the state , I hope , is 't ?

LVSC.

Yes , against the state of my masters purse .

PYRG.

Sir , AGRIPPA desires you to forbeare him till the next weeke : his moyles are not yet come vp .

TVCC.

His moyles ? now the bots , the spauin , and the glanders , and some dozen diseases more , light on him , and his moyles . What ha' they the yellowes , his moyles , that they come no faster ? or are they foundred ? ha ? his moyles ha' the staggers belike : ha' they ?

PYRG.

O no , sir : then your tongue might be suspected for one of his moyles .

TVCC.

Hee owes mee almost a talent , and hee thinks to beare it away with his moyles , does hee ? Sirrah , you , nut-cracker , goe your waies to him againe , and tell him I must ha' money , I : I cannot eate stones and turses , say . What , will he clem me , and my followers ? Aske him , an' he will clem me : doe , goe . He would haue mee frie my ierkin , would hee ? Away , setter , away . Yet , stay , my little tumbler : this old boy shall supply now . I will not trouble him , I cannot bee importunate , I : I cannot bee impudent .

PYRG.

Alas , sir , no : you are the most maidenly blushing creature vpon the earth .

TVCC.

Do'st thou heare , my little sixe and fiftie , or thereabouts ? Thou art not to learne the humours and tricks of that old bald cheater , Time : thou hadst not this chaine for nothing . Men of worth haue their chymaera's , as well as other creatures : and they doe see monsters , sometimes : they doe , they doe , braue boy .

PYRG.

Better cheape then he shall see you , I warrant him .

TVCC.

Thou must let me haue sixe , sixe , drachmes , I meane , old boy ; thou shalt doe it : I tell thee , old boy , thou shalt , and in priuate too , do'st thou see ? Goe , walke off : there , there . Sixe is the summe . Thy sonn 's a gallant sparke , and must not be put out of a sudden : come hither , CALLINACHVS , thy father tells me thou art too poeticall , boy , thou must not be so , thou must leaue them , yong nouice , thou must , they are a sort of poore staru'd rascalls ; that are euer wrapt vp in foule linnen ; and can boast of nothing but a leane visage , peering out of a seame-rent sute ; the very emblemes of beggerie . No , dost heare ? turne lawyer , Thou shalt be my solicitor : T is right , old boy , is t ?

OVID. se.

You were best tell it , Captaine .

TVCC.

No : fare thou well mine honest horse-man , and thou old beuer . Pray thee Romane , when thou commest to towne , see me at my lodging , visit me sometimes : thou shalt be welcome , old boy . Doe not balke me , good swaggerer . IOVE keepe thy chaine from pawning , goe thy waies , if thou lack money , I 'le lend thee some : I 'le leaue thee to thy horse , now . Adieu .

OVID. se.

Farewell , good Captaine .

TVCC.

Boy , you can haue but halfe a share now , boy .

OVID. se.

'T is a strange boldnesse , that accompanies this fellow : Come .

OVID. iu.

I 'le giue attendance on you , to your horse , sir , please you —

OVID. se.

No : keepe your chamber , and fall to your studies ; doe so : the gods of Rome blesse thee .

OVID. iu. And giue me stomacke to digest this law , That should haue followed sure , had I beene he . O sacred poesie , thou spirit of artes , The soule of science , and the queene of soules , What prophane violence , almost sacriledge , Hath here beene offered thy diuinities ! That thine owne guiltlesse pouertie should arme Prodigious ignorance to wound thee thus ! For thence , is all their force of argument Drawne forth against thee ; or from the abuse Of thy great powers in adultrate braines : When , would men learne but to distinguish spirits , And set true difference twixt those jaded wits That runne a broken pase for common hire , And the high raptures of a happy Muse Borne on the wings of her immortall thought , That kickes at earth with a disdainefull heele , And bears at heauen gates with her bright hooues ; They would not then with such distorted faces , And desp'rate censures stab at poesie . They would admire bright knowledge , and their minds Should ne're descend on so vnworthy obiects , As gold , or titles : they would dread farre more , To be thought ignorant , then be knowne poore . " The time was once , when wit drown'd wealth : but now , " Your onely barbarisme is t' haue wit , and want . " No matter now in vertue who excells , " He , that hath coine , hath all perfection else .
Act I. Scene III . TIBVLLVS , OVID . OVID ? OVID . Who 's there ? Come in . TIBV. Good morrow , Lawyer . OVID . Good morrow ( deare TIBVLLVS ) welcome : sit downe . TIBV. Not I . What : so hard at it ? Let 's see , what 's here ? Nay , I will see it — OVID . Pray thee away — TIBV. If thrice in field , a man vanquish his foe , 'T is after in his choice to serue , or no . How now OVID ! Law — cases in verse ? OVID . In troth , I know not : they runne from my pen Vnwittingly , if they be verse . What 's the newes abroad ? TIBV. Off with this gowne , I come to haue thee walke . OVID . No , good TIBVLLVS , I 'm not now in case , Pray' let me alone . TIBV. How ? not in case ! S'light thou' rt in too much case , by all this law . OVID . Troth , if I liue , I will new dresse the law , In sprightly poesies habillaments . TIBV. The hell thou wilt . What , turne law into verse ? Thy father has school'd thee , I see . Here , reade that same . There 's subiect for you : and if I mistake not , A Supersedeas to your melancholy . OVID . How ! subscrib'd IVLIA ! Ô , my life , my heauen ! TIBV. Is the mood chang'd ? OVID . Musique of wit ! Note for th' harmonious spheares ! Celestiall accents , how you rauish me ! TIBV. What is it , OVID ? OVID . That I must meete my IVLIA , the Princesse IVLIA . TIBV. Where ? OVID .

Why , at — hart , I haue forgot : my passion so transports mee .

TIBV. I le saue your paines : it is at ALBIVS house , The iewellers , where the faire LYCORIS lies . OVID . Who ? CYTHERIS , CORNELIVS GALLVS loue ? TIBV. I , hee le be there too , and my PLAVTIA . OVID . And why not your DELIA ? TIBV. Yes , and your CORINNA . OVID . True , but my sweet TIBVLLVS , keepe that secret : I would not , for all ROME , it should be thought , I vaile bright IVLIA vnderneath that name : IVLIA the gemme , and iewell of my soule , That takes her honours from the golden skie , As beautie doth all lustre , from her eye . The ayre respires the pure elyzian sweets , In which she breathes : and from her lookes descend The glories of the summer . Heauen she is , Prays'd in her selfe aboue all praise : and he , Which heares her speake , would sweare the tune-full orbes Turn'd in his zenith onely . TIBV. PVBLIVS , thou 'lt lose thy selfe . OVID . O , in no labyrinth , can I safelier erre , Then when I lose my selfe in praysing her . Hence Law , and welcome , Muses ; though not rich , Yet are you pleasing : let 's be reconcilde , And now made one . Hencefoorth , I promise faith , And all my serious houres to spend with you : With you , whose musicke striketh on my heart , And with bewitching tones steales forth my spirit , In IVLIAS name ; faire IVLIA : IVLIAS loue Shall be a law , and that sweet law I 'le studie , The law , and art of sacred IVLIAS loue : All other obiects will but abiects prooue . TIBV.

Come , wee shall haue thee as passionate , as PROPERTIVS , anon .

OVID .

O , how does my SEXTVS ?

TIBV.

Faith , full of sorrow , for his CYNTHIAS death .

OVID .

What , still ?

TIBV. Still , and still more , his grieues doe grow vpon him , As doe his houres . Neuer did I know An vnderstanding spirit so take to heart The common worke of fate . OVID . O my TIBVLLVS , Let vs not blame him : for , against such chances , The heartiest strife of vertue is not proofe . We may read constancie , and fortitude , To other soules : but had our selues beene strooke With the like planet , had our loues ( like his ) Beene rauisht from vs , by injurious death , And in the height , and heat of our best dayes , It would haue crackt our sinnewes , shrunke our veines , And made our verie heart-strings iarre , like his . Come , let 's goe take him foorth , and prooue , if mirth Or companie will but abate his passion . TIBV. Content , and I implore the gods , it may .
Act II. Scene I. ALEIVS , CRISPINVS , CHLOE , MAYDES , CYTHERIS .

MAster CRISPINVS , you are welcome : Pray' , vse a stoole , sir . Your cousin CYTHERIS will come downe presently . Wee are so busie for the receiuing of these courtiers here , that I can scarce be a minute with my selfe , for thinking of them : Pray you sit , sir , Pray you sit , sir .

CRIS.

I am verie well , sir . Ne're trust me , but you are most delicately seated here , full of sweet delight and blandishment ! an excellent ayre , an excellent ayre !

ALEI.

I , sir , 't is prettie ayre . These courtiers runne in my minde still ; I must looke out : for IVPITERS sake , sit , sir . Or please you walke into the garden ? There 's a garden on the back-side .

CRIS.

I am most strenuously well , I thanke you , sir .

ALEI.

Much good doe you , sir .

CHLO.

Come , bring those perfumes forward a little , and strew some roses , and violets here ; Fye , here bee roomes sauour the most pittifully ranke that euer I felt : I crie the gods mercie , my husband 's in the winde of vs .

ALEI.

Why , this is good , excellent , excellent : well said , my sweet CHLOE . Trimme vp your house most obsequiously .

CHLO.

For VVLCANVS sake , breathe somewhere else : in troth you ouercome our perfumes exceedingly , you are too predominant .

ALEI.

Heare but my opinion , sweet wife .

CHLO.

A pinne for your pinnion . In sinceritie , if you be thus fulsome to me in euerie thing , I 'le bee diuore't ; God 's my bodie ? you know what you were , before I married you ; I was a gentlewoman borne , I ; I lost all my friends to be a citizens wife ; because I heard indeed , they kept their wiues as fine as ladies ; and that wee might rule our husbands , like ladies ; and doe what wee listed : doe you thinke I would haue married you , else ?

ALBI.

I acknowledge , sweet wife , she speakes the best of any woman in Italy , and mooues as mightily : which makes me , I had rather she should make bumpes on my head , as big as my two singers , then I would offend her . But sweet wife —

CHLO.

Yet againe ? I' st not grace inough for you , that I call you husband , and you call me wife : but you must still bee poking mee , against my will , to things ?

ALBI.

But you know , wife ; here are the greatest ladies , and gallantest gentlemen of ROME , to bee entertain'd in our house now : and I would faine aduise thee , to entertaine them in the best sort , yfaith wife .

CHLO.

In sinceritie , did you euer heare a man talke so idlely ? You would seeme to be master ? You would haue your spoke in my cart ? you would aduise me to entertaine ladies , and gentlemen ? because you can marshall your pack-needles , horse-combes , hobby-horses , and wall-candlestickes in your ware-house better then I ; therefore you can tell how to entertaine ladies , and gentle-folkes better then I ?

ALBI.

O my sweet wife , vpbraid me not with that : " Gaine sauours sweetly from any thing ; He that respects to get , must relish all commodities alike ; and admit no difference betwixt oade , and frankincense ; or the most precious balsamum , and a tar-barrell .

CHLO.

Mary fough : You sell snuffers too , if you be remembred , but I pray you let mee buy them out of your hand ; for I tell you true , I take it highly in snuffe , to learne how to entertaine gentlefolkes , of you , at these yeeres , I faith . Alas man ; there was not a gentleman came to your house i' your tother wiues time , I hope ? nor a ladie ? nor musique ? nor masques ? Nor you , nor your house were so much as spoken of , before I disbast my selfe , from my hood and my fartingall , to these bumrowles , and your whale-bone-bodies .

ALBI.

Looke here , my sweet wife ; I am mum , my deare mummia , my balsamum , my spermacete , and my verie citie of — shee has the most best , true , feminine wit in ROME !

CRIS.

I haue heard so , sir ; and doe most vehemently desire to participate the knowledge of her faire features .

ALBI.

Ah , peace ; you shall heare more anon : bee not seene yet , I pray you ; not yet : Obserue .

CHLO.

'Sbodie , giue husbands the head a little more , and they 'll bee nothing but head shortly ; what 's he there ?

MAYD . 1.

I know not forsooth .

MAYD . 2.

Who would you speake with , sir ?

CRIS.

I would speake with my cousin CYTHERIS .

MAYD .

Hee is one forsooth would speake with his cousin CYTHERIS .

CHLO.

Is she your cousin , sir ?

CRIS.

Yes in truth , forsooth , for fault of a better .

CHLO.

Shee is a gentlewoman ?

CRIS.

Or else she should not be my cousin , I assure you .

CHLO.

Are you a gentleman borne ?

CRIS.

That I am , ladie ; you shall see mine armes , if 't please you .

CHLO.

No , your legges doe sufficiently shew you are a gentleman borne , sir : for a man borne vpon little legges , is alwayes a gentleman borne .

CRIS.

Yet , I pray you , vouchsafe the sight of my armes , Mistresse ; for I beare them about me , to haue 'hem seene : my name is CRISPINVS , or CRI-SPINAS indeed ; which is well exprest in my armes , ( a Face crying in chiefe ; and beneath it a blouddie Toe , betweene three Thornes pungent . )

CHLO.

Then you are welcome , sir ; now you are a gentleman borne , I can find in my heart to welcome you : for I am a gentlewoman borne too ; and will beare my head high inough , though 't were my fortune to marrie a trades-man .

CRIS.

No doubt of that , sweet feature , your carriage shewes it in any mans eye , that is carried vpon you with iudgement .

ALBI.

Hee is still going in and out . Deare wife , be not angry .

CHLO.

God's my passion !

ALBI.

Heare me but one thing ; let not your maydes set cushions in the parlor windowes ; nor in the dyning-chamber windowes ; nor vpon stooles , in eyther of them , in any case ; for 't is tauerne-like ; but lay them one vpon another , in some out-roome , or corner of the dyning-chamber .

CHLO.

Goe , goe , meddle with your bed-chamber onely , or rather with your bed in your chamber , onely ; or rather with your wife in your bed onely ; or on my faith , I 'le not be pleas'd with you onely .

ALBI.

Looke here , my deare wife , entertaine that gentleman kindly , I pre' thee , — mum .

CHLO.

Goe , I need your instructions indeede ; anger mee no more , I aduise you . Citi-sin , quoth'a ! she 's a wise gentlewoman yfaith , will marrie her selfe to the sinne of the citie .

ALBI.

But this time , and no more ( by heauen ) wife : hang no pictures in the hall , nor in the dyning-chamber , in any case , but in the gallerie onely , for 't is not courtly else , o' my word , wife .

CHLO.

'Sprecious , neuer haue done !

ALBI.

Wife . —

CHLO.

Doe I not beare a reasonable corrigible hand ouer him , CRISPINVS ?

CRIS.

By this hand , ladie , you hold a most sweet hand ouer him .

ALBI.

And then for the great gilt andyrons ? —

CHLO.

Againe ! would the andyrons were in your great guttes , for mee .

ALBI.

I doe vanish , wife .

CHLO.

How shall I doe , Master CRISPINVS ? here will bee all the brauest ladies in court presently , to see your cousin CYTHERIS : Ô the gods ! how might I behaue my selfe now , as to entertayne them most courtly ?

CRIS.

Mary , ladie , if you will entertaine them most courtly , you must doe thus : as soone as euer your maide , or your man brings you word they are come ; you must say ( A poxe on 'hem , what doe they here . ) And yet when they come , speake them as faire , and giue them the kindest welcome in wordes , that can be .

CHLO.

Is that the fashion of courtiers , CRISPINVS ?

CRIS.

I assure you , it is , ladie , I haue obseru'd it .

CHLO.

For your poxe , sir , it is easily hit on ; but , 't is not so easily to speake faire after , me thinkes ?

ALBI.

O wife , the coaches are come , on my word , a number of coaches , and courtiers .

CHLO.

A poxe on them : what doe they here ?

ALBI.

How now wife ! wouldst thou not haue 'hem come ?

CHLO.

Come ? come , you are a foole , you : He knowes not the trick on 't . Call CYTHERIS , I pray you : and good master CRISPINVS , you can obserue , you say ; let me intreat you for all the ladies behauiours , iewels , iests , and attires , that you marking as well as I , we may put both our markes together , when they are gone , and conferre of them .

CRIS.

I warrant you , sweet ladie ; let mee alone to obserue , till I turne my selfe to nothing but obseruation . Good morrow cousin CYTHERIS .

CYTH.

Welcome kind cousin . What ? are they come ?

ALBI.

I , your friend CORNELIVS GALLVS , OVID , TIBVLLVS , PROPERTIVS , with IVLIA the Emperors daughter , and the ladie PLAVTIA , are lighted at the dore ; and with them HERMOGENES TIGELLIVS , the excellent musician .

CYTH.

Come , let vs goe meet them , CHLOE .

CHLO.

Obserue , CRISPINVS .

CRIS.

At a haires breadth , ladie , I warrant you .

Act II. Scene II. GALLVS , OVID , TIBVLLVS , PROPERTIVS , HERMOGENES , IVLIA , PLAVTIA , CYTHERIS , CHLOE , ALBIVS , CRISPINVS .

HEalth to the louely CHLOE : you must pardon me , Mistris , that I preferre this faire gentlewoman .

CYTH.

I pardon , and praise you for it , sir ; and I beseech your Excellence , receiue her beauties into your knowledge and fauour .

IVLI.

CYTHERIS , shee hath fauour , and behauiour , that commands as much of me : and sweet CHLOE , know I doe exceedingly loue you , and that I will approue in any grace my father the Emperour may shew you . Is this your husband ?

ALBI.

For fault of a better , if it please your highnesse .

CHLO.

Gods my life ! how hee shames mee !

CYTH.

Not a whit , CHLOE , they all thinke you politike , and wittie ; wise women choose not husbands for the eye , merit , or birth , but wealth , and soueraigntie .

OVID .

Sir , we all come to gratulate , for the good report of you .

TIBV.

And would be glad to deserue your loue , sir .

ALBI.

My wife will answere you all , gentlemen ; I 'le come to you againe presently .

PLAV.

You haue chosen you a most faire companion here , CYTHERIS , and a very faire house .

CYTH.

To both which , you and all my friends , are very welcome , PLAVTIA .

CHLO.

With all my heart , I assure your ladiship .

PLAV.

Thankes , sweet Mistris CHLOE .

IVLI.

You must needes come to court , ladie , yfaith , and there bee sure your welcome shall be as great to vs .

OVID .

Shee will well deserue it , Madame . I see , euen in her lookes , gentrie , and generall worthinesse .

TIBV.

I haue not seene a more certaine character of an excellent disposition .

ALBI.

Wife .

CHLO.

O , they doe so commend me here , the courtiers ! what 's the matter now ?

ALBI.

For the banquet , sweet wife .

CHLO.

Yes ; and I must needs come to court , and bee welcome , the Princesse sayes .

GALL.

OVID , and TIBVLLVS , you may bee bold to welcome your Mistresses here .

OVID .

We find it so , sir .

TIBV.

And thanke CORNELIVS GALLVS .

OVID .

Nay , my sweet SEXTVS , in faith thou art not sociable .

PROP. In faith , I am not , PVBLIVS ; nor I cannot . Sicke mindes , are like sicke men that burne with feuers , Who when they drinke , please but a present tast , And after beare a more impatient fit . Pray , let me leaue you ; I offend you all , And my selfe most . GALL. Stay , sweet PROPERTIVS . TIBV. You yeeld too much vnto your grieues , and sate , Which neuer hurts , but when we say it hurts vs . PROP. O peace , TIBVLLVS ; your philosophie Lends you too rough a hand to search my wounds . Speake they of griefes , that know to sigh , and grieue ; The free and vnconstrained spirit feeles No weight of my oppression . OVID . Worthy Roman ! Me thinkes I taste his miserie ; and could Sit downe , and chide at his malignant starres . IVLI. Me thinkes I loue him , that he loues so truely . CYTH. This is the perfect'st loue , liues after death . GALL. Such is the constant ground of vertue still . PLAV. It puts on an inseparable face . CHLO. Haue you markt euery thing , CRISPINVS ? CRIS. Euery thing , I warrant you . CHLO. What gentlemen are these ? doe you know them ? CRIS. I , they are poets , lady . CHLO. Poets ? they did not talke of me since I went , did they ? CRIS. O yes , and extold your perfections to the heauens . CHLO.

Now in sinceritie , they be the finest kind of men , that euer I knew : Poets ? Could not one get the Emperour to make my husband a Poet , thinke you ?

CRIS.

No , ladie , 't is loue , and beautie make Poets : and since you like Poets so well , your loue , and beauties shall make me a Poet .

CHLO.

What shall they ? and such a one as these ?

CRIS.

I , and a better then these : I would be sorry else .

CHLO.

And shall your lookes change ? and your haire change ? and all , like these ?

CRIS.

Why , a man may be a Poet , and yet not change his haire , lady .

CHLO.

Well , wee shall see your cunning : yet if you can change your haire , I pray , doe .

ALBI.

Ladies , and lordings , there 's a slight banquet staies within for you , please you draw neere , and accost it .

IVLI.

We thanke you , good ALBIVS : but when shall wee see those excellent iewels you are commended to haue ?

ALBI.

At your ladiships seruice . I got that speech by seeing a play last-day , and it did me some grace now : I see , 't is good to collect sometimes ; I 'le frequent these plaies more then I haue done , now I come to be familiar with courtiers .

GALL.

Why , how now , HERMOGENES ? what ailest thou trow ?

HERM.

A little melancholy , let me alone , pray thee .

GALL.

Melancholy ! how so ?

HERM.

With riding : a plague on all coaches for me .

CHLO.

Is that hard-fauour'd gentleman a poet too ; CYTHERIS ?

CYTH.

No ; this is HERMOGENES , as humorous as a poet though : he is at Musician .

CHLO.

A Musician ? then he can sing .

CYTH.

That he can excellently ; did you neuer heare him ?

CHLO.

O no : will he be intreated , thinke you ?

CYTH.

I know not . Friend , Mistresse CHLOE would faine heare HERMOGENES sing : are you interested in him ?

GALL.

No doubt , his owne humanitie will command him so farre , to the satisfaction of so faire a beautie ; but rather then faile , wee le all bee suiters to him .

HERM.

Cannot sing .

GALL.

Pray thee , HERMOGENES .

HERM.

'Cannot sing .

GALL.

For honour of this gentlewoman , to whose house , I know thou maist be euer welcome .

CHLO.

That he shall in truth , sir , if he can sing .

OVID .

What 's that ?

GALL.

This gentlewoman is wooing HERMOGENES for a song .

OVID .

A song ? come , he shall not denie her . HERMOGENES ?

HERM.

'Cannot sing .

GALL.

No , the ladies must doe it , hee staies but to haue their thankes acknowledg'd as a debt to his cunning .

IVLI.

That shall not want : our selfe will be the first shall promise to pay him more then thankes , vpon a fauour so worthily vouchsaft .

HERM.

Thanke you , Madame , but 'will not sing .

TIBV.

Tut , the onely way to winne him , is to abstaine from intreating him .

CRIS.

Doe you loue singing , ladie ?

CHLO.

O , passingly .

CRIS.

Intreat the ladies , to intreat me to sing then , I beseech you .

CHLO.

I beseech your grace , intreat this gentleman to sing .

IVLI.

That we will CHLOE ; can he sing excellently ?

CHLO.

I thinke so , Madame : for he intreated me , to intreat you , to intreat him to sing .

CRIS.

Heauen , and earth ! would you tell that ?

IVLI.

Good sir , let 's intreat you to vse your voice .

CRIS.

Alas , Madame , I cannot in truth .

PLAV.

The gentleman is modest : I warrant you , he sings excellently .

OVID .

HERMOGENES , cleere your throat : I see by him , here 's a gentleman will worthily challenge you .

CRIS.

Not I , sir , I 'le challenge no man .

TIBV.

That 's your modestie , sir : but wee , out of an assurance of your excellencie , challenge him in your behalfe .

CRIS.

I thanke you , gentlemen , I 'le doe my best .

HERM.

Let that best be good , sir , you were best .

GALL.

O , this contention is excellent . What is 't you sing , sir ?

CRIS.

If I freely may discouer , &c. Sir , I 'le sing that .

OVID . One of your owne compositions , HERMOGENES . He offers you vantage enough . CRIS.

Nay truely , gentlemen , I 'le challenge no man — : I can sing but one staffe of the dittie neither .

GALL.

The better : HERMOGENES himselfe will bee intreated to sing the other .

SONG . IF I freely may discouer , What would please me in my louer : I would haue her faire , and wittie , Sauouring more of court , then cittie ; A little proud , but full of pittie : Light , and humorous in her toying . Oft building hopes , and soone destroying , Long , but sweet in the enioying , Neither too easie , nor too hard : All extremes I would haue bard . GALL.

Beleeue me , sir , you sing most excellently .

OVID .

If there were a praise aboue excellence , the gentleman highly deserues it .

HERM.

Sir , all this doth not yet make mee enuie you : for I know I sing better then you .

TIBV.

Attend HERMOGENES , now .

2. Shee should be allowed her passions , So they were but vs'd as fashions ; Sometimes froward , and then frowning , Sometimes sickish , and then swowning , Euery fit , with change , still crowning . Purely iealous , I would haue her , Then onely constant when I craue her . 'T is a vertue should not saue her . Thus , nor her delicates would cloy me , Neither her peeuishnesse annoy me . IVLI.

Nay , HERMOGENES , your merit hath long since beene both knowne , and admir'd of vs .

HERM.

You shall heare me sing another : now will I begin .

GALL.

We shall doe this gentlemans banquet too much wrong , that staies for vs , ladies .

IVLI.

'T is true : and well thought on , CORNELIVS GALLVS .

HERM.

Why 't is but a short aire , 't will be done presently , pray' stay ; strike musique .

OVID .

No , good HERMOGENES : wee 'll end this difference within .

IVLI.

'T is the common disease of all your musicians , hat they know no meane , to be intreated , either to begin , or end .

ALBI.

Please you lead the way , gentles ?

ALL .

Thankes , good ALBIVS .

ALBI.

O , what a charme of thankes was here put vpon me ! O IOVE , what a setting forth it is to a man , to haue many courtiers come to his house ! Sweetly was it said of a good olde house-keeper ; I had rather want meate , then want ghests : specially , if they be courtly ghests . For , neuer trust me , if one of their good legges made in a house , be not worth all the good cheere , a man can make them . Hee that would haue fine ghests , let him haue a fine wife ; he that would haue a fine wife , let him come to me .

CRIS.

By your kind leaue , Master ALBIVS .

ALBI.

What , you are not gone , Master CRISPINVS ?

CRIS.

Yes faith , I haue a desseigne drawes me hence : pray' sir , fashion mean excuse to the ladies .

ALBI.

Will you not stay ? and see the iewels , sir ? I pay you stay .

CRIS.

Not for a million , sir , now ; Let it suffice , I must relinquish ; and so in a word , please you to expiate this complement .

ALBI.

Mum .

CRIS.

He presently goe and enghle some broker , for a Poets gowne , and bespeake a garland : and then ieweller , looke to your best iewell yfaith .

Act III. Scene I. HORACE , CRISPINVS .

Hot. li. 1. Sat. 9 HMh ? yes ; I will begin an ode so : and it shall be to MECOENAS .

CRIS.

'Slid , yonder 's HORACE ! they say hee 's an excellent Poet : MECOENAS loues him . I le fall into his acquaintance , if I can ; I thinke he be composing , as he goes i' the street ! ha ? 't is a good humour , and he be : I le compose too .

HORA. Swell me a bowle with lustie wine , Till I may see the plump LYaeVS swim Aboue the brim : I drinke , as I would wright , In slowing measure , fill'd with flame , and spright . CRIS.

Sweet HORACE , MINERVA , and the Muses stand auspicious to thy desseignes . How far'st thou , sweete man ? frolicke ? rich ? gallant ? ha ?

HORA. Not greatly gallant , sir , like my fortunes ; well . I 'm bold to take my leaue , sir , you 'ld naught else , sir , would you ? CRIS.

Troth , no , but I could wish thou did'st know vs , HORACE , we are a scholer , I assure thee .

HORA.

A scholer , sir ? I shall bee couetous of your faire knowledge .

CRIS.

Gramercie , good HORACE . Nay , we are new turn'd Poet too , which is more ; and a Satyrist too , which is more then that : I write iust in thy veine , I . I am for your odes or your sermons , or any thing indeed ; wee are a gentleman besides : our name is RVFVS LABERIVS CRISPINVS , weare a prettie stoick too .

HORA.

To the proportion of your beard , I thinke it , sir .

CRIS.

By PHOEBVS , here 's a most neate fine street , is 't not ? I protest to thee , I am enamour'd of this street now , more then of halfe the streets of some , againe ; 't is so polite , and terse ! There 's the front of a building now . I studie architecture too : if euer I should build , I 'de haue a house iust of that prospectiue .

HORA.

Doubtlesse , this gallants tongue has a good turne , when hee sleepes .

CRIS.

I doe make verses , when I come in such a street as this : O your city-ladies , you shall ha 'hem sit in euery shop like the Muses — offring you the castalian dewes , and the thespian liquors , to as many as haue but the sweet grace and audacitie to — sip of their lips . Did you neuer heare any of my verses ?

HORA.

No , sir ( but I am in some feare , I must , now . )

CRIS.

I 'le tell thee some ( if I can but recouer 'hem ) I compos'd e'en now of a dressing , I saw a iewellers wife weare , who indeede was a iewell herselfe : I preferre that kind of tire now , what 's thy opinion , HORACE ?

HORA.

With your siluer bodkin , it does well , sir .

CRIS.

I cannot tell , but it stirres me more then all your court-curles , or your spangles , or your tricks : I affect not these high gable-ends , these tuscane-tops , nor your coronets , nor your arches , nor your pyramids ; giue me a fine sweet — little delicate dressing , with a bodkin , as you say : and a mushrome , for all your other ornatures .

HORA.

Is 't not possible to make an escape from him ?

CRIS.

I haue remitted my verses , all this while , I thinke I ha' forget 'hem .

HORA.

Here 's he , could wish you had else .

CRIS.

Pray IOVE , I can intreat 'hem of my memorie .

HORA.

You put your memorie to too much trouble , sir .

CRIS.

No , sweet HORACE , we must not ha' thee thinke so .

HORA. I crie you mercy ; then , they are my eares That must be tortur'd : well , you must haue patience , eares . CRIS. Pray thee , HORACE , obserue . HORA.

Yes , sir : your sattin sleeue begins to fret at the rug that is vnderneath it , I doe obserue : And your ample veluet bases are not without euident staines of a hot disposition , naturally .

CRIS.

O — I 'le die them into another colour , at pleasure : how many yards of veluet dost thou thinke they containe ?

HORA. Hart ! I haue put him now in a fresh way To vexe me more : Faith , sir , your mercers booke Will tell you with more patience , then I can ; ( For I am crost , and so 's not that , I thinke . ) CRIS.

S'light , these verses haue lost me againe : I shall not inuite 'hem to mind , now .

HORA. Racke not your thoughts , good sir ; rather , deferre it To a new time ; I 'le meete you at your lodging , Or where you please : Till then , IOVE keepe you , sir . CRIS. Nay , gentle HORACE , stay : I haue it , now . HORA. Yes , sir . APOLLO , HERMES , IVPITER , looke down vpon me . CRIS. Rich was thy hap , sweet , deintie cap , There to be placed : Where thy smooth blacke , sleeke white may smacke , And both be graced .

white , is there vsurpt for her brow ; her forehead : and then sleeke , as the paralell to smooth , that went before . A kind of Paranomasie , or Agnomination : doe you conceiue , sir ?

HORA.

Excellent . Troth , sir , I must be abrupt , and leaue you .

CRIS.

Why , what haste hast thou ? pray thee , stay a little : thou shalt not goe yet , by PHOEBVS .

HORA.

I shall not ? what remedie ? Fie , how I sweat with suffering !

CRIS.

And then —

HORA.

Pray , sir , giue me leaue to wipe my face a little .

CRIS.

Yes , doe , good HORACE .

HORA. Thanke you , sir . Death ! I must craue his leaue to pisse anon ; Or that I may goe hence with halfe my teeth : I am in some such feare . This tyrannie Is strange , to take mine eares vp by commission , ( Whether I will or no ) and make them stalls To his lewd soloecismes , and worded trash . Happy thou , bold BOLANVS , now , I say ; Whose freedome , and impatience of this fellow , Would , long ere this , haue call'd him foole , and foole , And ranke , and tedious foole , and haue flung iests As hard as stones , till thou hadst pelted him Out of the place : whil'st my tame modestie Suffers my wit be made a solemne asse To beare his fopperies — CRIS.

HORACE , thou art miserably affected to be gone , I see . But — pray thee , let 's proue , to enioy thee awhile : Thou hast no businesse , I assure me . Whether is thy iourney directed ? ha ?

HORA.

Sir , I am going to visit a friend , that 's sicke .

CRIS.

A friend ? What 's he ? doe not I know him ?

HORA.

No , sir , you doe not know him ; and 't is not the worse for him .

CRIS.

What 's his name ? where 's he lodg'd ?

HORA.

Where , I shall be fearefull to draw you out of your way , sir ; a great way hence : Pray' , sir , let 's part .

CRIS.

Nay , but where is 't ? I pray thee , say .

HORA.

On the farre side of all Tyber yonder , by CAESARS gardens .

CRIS.

O , that 's my course directly ; I am for you . Come , goe : why stand'st thou ?

HORA.

Yes , sir : marry , the plague is in that part of the citie ; I had almost forgot to tell you , sir .

CRIS.

Fow : It 's no matter , I feare no pestilence , I ha' not offended PHOEBVS .

HORA. I haue , it seemes ; or else this heauie scourge Could ne're haue lighted on me — CRIS. Come , along . HORA.

I am to goe downe some halfe mile , this way , sir , first , to speake with his physician : And from thence to his apothecary , where I shall stay the mixing of diuers drugs —

CRIS.

Why , it 's all one . I haue nothing to doe , and I loue not to be idle , I 'le beare thee companie . How call'st thou the pothecary ?

HORA. O , that I knew a name would fright him now . Sir RHADAMANTHVS , RHADAMANTHVS , sir . There 's one so cald , is a iust iudge , in hell , And doth inflict strange vengeance on all those , That ( here on earth ) torment poore patient spirits . CRIS. He dwells at the three Faries , by IANVS Temple ? HORA. Your pothecary does , sir . CRIS.

Hart , I owe him money for sweet meates , and hee has laid to arrest me , I heare : but —

HORA.

Sir , I haue made a most solemne vow : I will neuer baile any man .

CRIS.

Well then , I 'le sweare , and speake him faire , if the worst come . But his name is MINOS , not RHADAMANTHVS , HORACE .

HORA.

That may bee , sir : I but guest at his name by his signe . But your MINOS is a iudge too , sir ?

CRIS.

I protest to thee , HORACE ( doe but taste mee once ) if I doe know my selfe , and mine owne vertues truely , thou wilt not make that esteeme of VARIVS , or VIRGIL , or TIBVLLVS , or any of 'hem indeed , as now in thy ignorance thou dost ; which I am content to forgiue : I would faine see , which of these could pen more verses in a day , or with more facilitie then I ; or that could court his mistris , kisse her hand , make better sport with her fanne , or her dogge —

HORA.

I cannot baile you yet , sir .

CRIS.

Or that could moue his body more gracefully , or dance better you shoo'd see mee , were it not i' the street —

HORA.

Nor yet .

CRIS.

Why , I haue beene a reueller , and at my cloth of siluer sute , and my long stocking , in my time , and will be againe —

HORA.

If you may be trusted , sir .

CRIS.

And then for my singing , HERMOGENES himselfe enuies me ; that is your onely Master of musique you haue in Rome .

HORA.

Is your mother liuing , sir ?

CRIS.

Au: Conuert thy thoughts to somewhat else , I pray thee .

HORA.

You haue much of the mother in you , sir : your father is dead ?

CRIS.

I , I thanke IOVE , and my grand-father too and all my kinsfolkes , and well compos'd in their vrnes .

HORA. The more their happinesse ; that rest in peace , Free from th' abundant torture of thy tongue ; Would I were with them too . CRIS. What 's that , HORACE ? HORA. I now remember me , sir , of a sad fate A cunning woman , one SABELLA sung , When in her vrne , she cast my destinie , I being but a child CRIS. What was 't I pray thee ? HORA. Shee told me , I should surely neuer perish By famine , poyson , or the enemies sword ; The hecticke feuer , cough , or pleurisie , Should neuer hurt me ; nor the tardie gowt : But in my time , I should be once surpriz'd , By a strong tedious talker , that should vexe And almost bring me to consumption . Therefore ( if I were wise ) she warn'd me shunne All such long-winded monsters , as my bane : For if I could but scape that one discourser , I might ( no doubt ) proue an olde aged man . By your leaue , sir ? CRIS.

Tut , tut : abandon this idle humour , 't is nothing but melancholy . Fore IOVE , now I thinke on t , I am to appeare in court here , to answere to one that has me in suit ; sweet HORACE , goe with mee , this is my houre : if I neglect it , the law proceedes against me . Thou art familiar with these things , pray thee , if thou lou'st me , goe .

HORA. Now , let me dye , sir , if I know your lawes ; Or haue the power to stand still halfe so long In their loud courts , as while a case is Argued . Besides , you know , sir , where I am to goe , And the necessitie — CRIS. 'T is true : — HORA.

I hope the houre of my release be come : Hee will ( vpon this consideration ) discharge me , sure .

CRIS.

Troth , I am doubtfull , what I may best doe ; whether to leaue thee , or my affaires , HORACE ?

HORA.

O IVPITER , mee , sir ; mee , by any meanes : I beseech you , mee , sir .

CRIS.

No saith , I 'le venture those now : Thou shalt see I loue thee , come HORACE .

HORA.

Nay then , I am desperate : I follow you , sir . 'T is hard contending with a man that ouer-comes thus .

CRIS. And how deales MECOENAS with thee ? liberally ? ha ? Is he open-handed ? bountifull ? HORA. Hee 's still himselfe , sir . CRIS.

Troth , HORACE , thou art exceeding happy in thy friends and acquaintance ; they are all most choice spirits , and of the first ranke of Romanes : I doe not know that poet , I protest , ha's vs'd his fortune more prosperously , then thou hast . If thou would'st bring me knowne to MECoeNAS , I should second thy desert well ; thou should'st find a good sure assistant of mee : one , that would speake all good of thee in thy absence , and be content with the next place , not enuying thy reputation with thy patron . Let me not liue , but I thinke thou and I ( in a small time ) should list them all out of fauour , both VIRGIL , VARIVS , and the best of them ; and enioy him wholy to our selues .

HORA. Gods , you doe know it , I can hold no longer ; This brize hath prickt my patience : Sir , your silkenesse Cleerely mistakes MECOENAS , and his house ; To thinke , there breathes a spirit beneath his roofe , Subiect vnto those poore affections Of vnder-mining enuie , and detraction , Moodes , onely proper to base groueling minds : That place is not in Rome , I dare affirme , More pure , or free , from such low common euils . There 's no man greeu'd , that this is thought more rich , Or this more learned ; each man hath his place , And to his merit , his reward of grace : Which with a mutuall loue they all embrace . CRIS. You report a wonder ! 't is scarce credible , this . HORA. I am no torture , to enforce you to beleeue it , but 't is so . CRIS.

Why , this enflames mee with a more ardent desire to bee his , then before : but , I doubt I shall find the entrance , to his familiaritie , somwhat more then difficult , HORACE .

HORA.

Tut , you 'le conquer him , as you haue done me ; There 's no standing out against you , sir , I see that . Either your importunitie , or the intimation of your good parts ; or —

CRIS.

Nay , I 'le bribe his porter , and the groomes of his chamber ; make his doores open to mee that way , first : and then , I 'le obserue my times . Say , he should extrude mee his house to day ; shall I therefore desist , or let fall my suite , to morrow ? No : I 'le attend him , follow him , meet him ? i' the street , the high waies , run by his coach , neuer leaue him . What ? Man hath nothing giuen him , in this life , without much labour .

HORA. And impudence . Archer of heauen , PHOEBVS , take thy bow , And with a full drawne shaft , naile to the earth This PYTHON ; that I may yet run hence , and liue : Or brawnie HERCVLES , doe thou come downe , And ( though thou mak'st it vp thy thirteenth labour ) Rescue me from this HYDRA of discourse , here .
Act III. Scene II. ARISTIVS , HORACE , CRISPINVS . HORACE , well met . HORA. O welcome , my releeuer , ARISTIVS , As thou lou'st me , ransome me . ARIS. What ayl'st thou , man ? HORA. 'Death , I am seaz'd on here By a Land-Remora , I cannot stirre ; Not moue , but as he please . CRIS. Wilt thou goe , HORACE ? HORA. 'Hart ! he cleaues to me like ALCIDES shirt , Tearing my flesh , and sinnewes ; Ô , I ha' beene vext And tortur'd with him , beyond fortie feuers . For IOVES sake , find some meanes , to take me from him . ARIS. Yes , I will : but I 'le goe first , and tell MECOENAS . CRIS. Come , shall we goe ? ARIS. The iest will make his eyes runne , yfaith . HORA. Nay , ARISTIVS ? ARIS. Farewell , HORACE . HORA.

'Death ! will a' leaue me ? FVSCVS ARISTIVS , doe you heare ? Gods of Rome ! you said , you had somewhat to say to me , in priuate .

ARIS.

I , but I see , you are now imploi'd with that gentleman : 't were offence to trouble you . I 'le take some fitter oportunitie , farewell .

HORA. Mischiefe , and torment ! Ô , my soule , and heart , How are you crampt with anguish ! Death it selfe Brings not the like convulsions . Ô , this day , That euer I should view thy tedious face — CRIS. HORACE , what passion ? what humour is this ? HORA. Away , good prodigie , afflict me not . ( A friend , and mocke me thus ! ) neuer was man So left vnder the axe — how now .
Act III. Scene III. MINOS , LICTORS , CRISPINVS , HORACE .

THat 's he , in the imbrodered hat , there , with the ash-colour'd feather : his name is LABERIVS CRISPINVS .

LICT.

LABERIVS CRISPINVS ; I arrest you in the Emperours name .

CRIS.

Me , sir ? doe you arrest me ?

LICT.

I , sir , at the sute of Master MINOS the pothecarie .

HORA.

Thankes , great APOLLO : I will not slip thy fauour offered me in my escape , for my fortunes .

CRIS.

Master MINOS ? I know no master MINOS . Where 's HORACE ? HORACE ? HORACE ?

MINO.

Sir , doe not you know me ?

CRIS.

O yes ; I know you , master MINOS : 'cry you mercy . But HORACE ? Gods me , is he gone ?

MINO.

I , and so would you too , if you knew how . Officer , looke to him .

CRIS.

Doe you heare , master MINOS ? pray let 's be vs'd like a man of our owne fashion . By IANVS , and IVPITER , I meant to haue paied you next weeke , euery drachme . Seeke not to eclipse my reputation , thus vulgarly .

MINO.

Sir , your oathes cannot serue you , you know I haue forborne you long .

CRIS.

I am conscious of it , sir . Nay , I beseech you , gentlemen , doe not exhale me thus ; remember 't is but for sweet meates —

LICT.

Sweet meat must haue sowre sawce , sir . Come along .

CRIS.

Sweet , master MINOS : I am forfeited to eternall disgrace , if you doe not commiserate . Good officer , be not so officious .

Act III. Scene IIII . TVCCA , PYRGVS , MINOS , LICTORS , CRISPINVS , HISTRIO , DEMETRIVS .

WHy , how now , my good brace of bloud-hounds ? whither doe you dragge the gent'man ? you mungrels , you curres , you bandogs , wee are Captaine TVCCA , that talke to you , you inhumane pilchers .

MINO.

Sir , he is their prisoner .

TVCC.

Their pestilence . What are you , sir ?

MINO.

A citizen of Rome , sir .

TVCC.

Then you are not farre distant from a foole , sir .

MINO.

A pothecarie , sir .

TVCC.

I knew thou wast not a physician ; fough : out of my nostrils , thou stink'st of lotium , and the syringe : away , quack-saluer . Follower , my sword .

PYRG.

Here , noble leader , you le doe no harme with it : I 'le trust you .

TVCC.

Doe you heare , you , good-man slaue ? hooke , ramme , rogue , catch-pole , lose the gent'man , or by my veluet armes —

LICT.

What will you doe , sir ? The Officer strikes vp his heeles .

TVCC.

Kisse thy hand , my honourable actiue varlet : and imbrace thee , thus .

PYRG.

O patient metamorphosis !

TVCC.

My sword , my tall rascall .

LICT.

Nay , soft , sir : Some wiser then some .

TVCC.

What ? and a wit to ! By PLVTO , thou must bee cherish'd , slaue ; here 's three drachmes for thee : hold .

PYRG.

There 's halfe his lendings gone .

TVCC.

Giue mee .

LICT.

No , sir , your first word shall stand : I 'le hold all .

TVCC.

Nay , but , rogue —

LICT.

You would make a rescue of our prisoner , sir , you ?

TVCC.

I , a rescue ? away inhumane varlet . Come , come , I neuer rellish aboue one iest at most ; doe not disgust me : Sirra , doe not . Rogue , I tell thee , rogue , doe not .

LICT.

How , sir ? rogue ?

TVCC.

I , why ! thou art not angrie , rascall ? art thou ?

LICT.

I cannot tell , sir , I am little better , vpon these termes .

TVCC.

Ha! gods , and fiends ! why , do'st heare ? rogue , thou , giue me thy hand ; I say vnto thee , thy hand : rogue . What ? do'st not thou know me ? not me , rogue ? not Captaine TVCCA , rogue ?

MINO.

Come : pra' surrender the gentleman his sword , officer ; we 'll haue no fighting here .

TVCC.

What 's thy name ?

MINO.

MINOS , an 't please you .

TVCC.

MINOS ? come , hither , MINOS ; Thou art a wise fellow , it seemes : Let me talke with thee .

CRIS.

Was euer wretch so wretched , as vnfortunate I ?

TVCC.

Thou art one of the centum-viri , old boy , art' not ?

MINO.

No , indeed , master Captaine .

TVCC.

Goe to , thou shalt be , then : I 'le ha' thee one , MINOS . Take my sword from those rascals , do'st thou see ? goe , doe it : I cannot attempt with patience . What does this gentleman owe thee , little MINOS ?

MINO.

Fourescore sesterties , sir .

TVCC.

What ? no more ? Come , thou shalt release him , MINOS : what , I 'le bee his baile , thou shalt take my word , old boy , and casheere these furies : thou shalt do 't , I say , thou shalt , little MINOS , thou shalt .

CRIS.

Yes , and as I am a gentleman , and a reueller , I 'le make a peece of poetrie , and absolue all , within these fiue daies .

TVCC.

Come , MINOS is not to learne how to vse a gent'man of qualitie , I know ; My sword : If hee pay thee not , I will , and I must , old boy . Thou shalt bee my pothecary too : ha'st good eringo's , MINOS ?

MINO.

The best in Rome , sir .

TVCC.

Goe too then — Vermine , know the house .

PYRG.

I warrant you , Collonell .

TVCC.

For this gentleman , MINOS ?

MINO.

I 'le take your word , Captaine .

TVCC.

Thou hast it , my sword —

MINO.

Yes , sir : but you must discharge the arrest , Master CRISPINVS .

TVCC.

How , MINOS ? looke in the gentlemans face , and but reade his silence . Pay , pay ; 't is honour , MINOS .

CRIS.

By IOVE , sweet Captaine , you doe most infinitely endeare , and oblige me to you .

TVCC.

Tut , I cannot complement , by MARS : but IVPITER loue me , as I loue good wordes , and good clothes , and there 's an end . Thou shalt giue my boy that girdle , and hangers , when thou hast worne them a little more —

CRIS.

O IVPITER ! Captaine , he shall haue them now , presently : please you to be acceptiue , young gentleman .

PYRG.

Yes , sir , feare not ; I shall accept : I haue a prettie foolish humour of taking , if you knew all .

TVCC.

Not now , you shall not take , boy .

CRIS.

By my truth , and earnest , but hee shall , Captaine , by your leaue .

TVCC.

Nay , and a' sweare by his truth , and earnest , take it boy : doe not make a gent'man forsworne .

LICT.

Well , sir , there is your sword ; but thanke master MINOS : you had not carried it as you doe , else .

TVCC.

MINOS is iust , and you are knaues , and —

LICT.

What say you , sir ?

TVCC.

Passe on , my good scoundrell , passe on , I honour thee : But , that I hate to haue action with such base rogues as these ; you should ha' seene me vnrip their noses now , and haue sent 'hem to the next barbers , to stitching : for , doe you see — I am a man of humour , and I doe loue the varlets , the honest varlets ; they haue wit , and valour : and are indeed good profitable — errant rogues , as any liue in an empire . Doest thou heare , POETASTER ? second me . Stand vp ( MINOS ) close , gather , yet , so . Sir ( thou shalt haue a quarter share , bee resolute ) you shall , at my request , take MINOS by the hand , here , little MINOS , I will haue it so ; all friends , and a health : Be not inexorable . And thou shalt impart the wine , old boy , thou shalt do 't , little MINOS , thou shalt : make vs pay it in our physicke . What ? we must liue , and honour the gods , sometimes ; now BACCHVS , now COMVS , now PRIAPVS : euery god , a little . What 's he , that stalkes by , there ? boy , PYRGVS , you were best let him passe , sirrah ; doe , ferret , let him passe , doe .

PYRG.

'T is a player , sir .

TVCC.

A player ? Call him , call the lowsie slaue hither : what , will he saile by , and not once strike , or vaile to a Man of warre ? ha ? doe you heare ? you , player , rogue , stalker , come backe here : no respect to men of worship , you slaue ? What , you are proud , you rascall , are you proud ? ha ? you grow rich , doe you ? and purchase , you two-penny teare-mouth ? you haue fortune , and the good yeere on your side , you stinkard ? you haue ? you haue ?

HIST.

Nay , sweet Captaine , be confin'd to some reason ; I protest I saw you not , sir .

TVCC.

You did not ? where was your sight , OEDIPVS ? you walke with hares eies , doe you ? I 'le ha' 'hem glas'd , rogue ; and you say the word , they shall be glaz'd for you : come , we must haue you turne fiddler againe , slaue , get a base violin at your backe , and march in a tawnie coate , with one sleeue , to Goose-faire , and then you 'll know vs ; you 'll see vs then ; you will , gulch , you will ? Then , wil 't please your worship to haue any musicke , Captaine ?

HIST.

Nay , good Captaine .

TVCC.

What ? doe you laugh , Owleglas ? death , you persemptuous varlet , I am none of your fellowes : I haue commanded a hundred and fiftie such rogues , I .

1. PYR.

I , and most of that hundred and fiftie , haue beene leaders of a legion .

HIST.

If I haue exhibited wrong , I 'le tender satisfaction , Captaine .

TVCC.

Sai'st thou so , honest vermine ? Giue me thy hand , thou shalt make vs a supper one of these nights .

HIST.

When you please , by IOVE , Captaine , most willingly .

TVCC.

Doest thou sweare ? to morrow then ; say , and hold slaue . There are some of you plaiers honest gent'man-like scoundrels , and suspected to ha' some wit , as well as your poets ; both at drinking , and breaking of iests : and are companions for gallants . A man may skelder yee , now and then , of halfe a dozen shillings , or so . Doest thou not know that PANTALABVS there ?

HIST.

No , I assure you , Captaine .

TVCC.

Goe , and bee acquainted with him , then ; hee is a gent'man , parcell-poet , you slaue : his father was a man of worship , I tell thee . Goe , he pens high , loftie , in a new stalking straine ; bigger then halfe the rimers i' the towne , againe : he was borne to fill thy mouth , MINOTAVRVS , he was : hee will teach thee to teare , and rand , Rascall , to him , cherish his muse , goe : thou hast fortie , fortie , shillings , I meane , stinkard , giue him in earnest , doe , he shall write for thee , slaue . If hee pen for thee once , thou shalt not need to trauell , with thy pumps full of grauell , any more , after a blinde iade and a hamper : and stalke vpon boords , and barrell heads , to an old crackt trumpet —

HIST.

Troth , I thinke I ha' not so much about me , Captaine .

TVCC.

It 's no matter : giue him what thou hast : Stiffe toe , I 'le giue my word for the rest : though it lacke a shilling , or two , it skils not : Goe , thou art an honest shifter , I 'le ha' the statute repeal'd for thee . MINOS , must tell thee , MINOS , thou hast deiected you gent'mans spirit exceedingly : do'st obserue ? do'st note , little MINOS ?

MINO.

Yes , sir .

TVCC.

Goe to then , raise ; recouer , doe . Suffer him not to droop , in prospect of a player , a rogue , a stager : put twentie into his hand , twentie , sesterces , I meane , and let no bodie see : goe , doe it , the worke shall commend it selfe , be MINOS , I 'le pay .

MINO.

Yes forsooth , Captaine .

2. PYR.

Doe not we serue a notable sharke ?

TVCC.

And what new matters haue you now afoot , sirrah ? ha ? I would faine come with my cockatrice one day , and see a play ; if I knew when there were a good bawdie one : but they say , you ha' nothing but humours , reuells , and satyres , that girde , and fart at the time , you slaue .

HIST.

No , I assure you , Captaine , not wee . They are on the other side of Tyber : we haue as much ribaldrie in our plaies , as can bee , as you would wish , Captaine : All the sinners , i' the suburbs , come , and applaud our action , daily .

TVCC.

I heare , you 'll bring me o' the stage there ; you 'll play me , they say : I shall be presented by a sort of copper-lac't scoundrels of you : life of PLVTO , and you stage me , stinkard ; your mansions shall sweat for 't , your tabernacles , varlets , your Globes , and your Triumphs .

HIST.

Not we , by PHOEBVS , Captaine : doe not doe vs imputation without desert .

TVCC.

I wu' not , my good two-penny rascall : reach mee thy neufe . Do'st heare ? What wilt thou giue mee a weeke , for my brace of beagles , here , my little point-trussers ? you shall ha' them act among yee . Sirrah , you , pronounce . Thou shalt heare him speake , in king DARIVS dolefull straine .

1. PYR. O dolefull dayes ! O direfull deadly dump ! O wicked world ! and worldly wickednesse ! How can I hold my fist from crying , thump , In rue of this right rascall wretchednesse ! TVCC. In an amorous vaine now , sirrah , peace . 1. PYR. O , shee is wilder , and more hard , withall , Then beast , or bird , or tree , or stonie wall . Yet might shee loue me , to vpreare her state : I , but perhaps , shee hopes some nobler mate . Yet might shee loue me , to content her sire : I , but her reason masters her desire . Yet might shee loue me as her beauties thrall : I , but I feare , shee cannot loue at all . TVCC. Now , the horrible fierce Souldier , you , sirrah . 1. PYR. What ? will I braue thee ? I , and beard thee too . A roman spirit scornes to beare a braine , So full of base pusillanimitie . DEMET. HIST. Excellent . TVCC. Nay , thou shalt see that , shall rauish thee anon : prick vp thine eares , stinkard : the Ghost , boies . 1. PYR. Vindicta . 2. PYR. Timoria . 1. PYR. Vindicta . 2. PYR. Timoria . 1. PYR. Veni . 2. PYR. Veni . TVCC. Now , thunder , sirrah , you , the rumbling plaier . 1. PYR. I , but some bodie must crie ( murder ) then , in a small voice . TVCC. Your fellow-sharer , there , shall do 't ; Crie , sirrah , crie . 1. PYR. Murder , murder . 2. PYR. Who calls out murder ? lady , was it you ? DEMET. HIST. O , admirable good , I protest . TVCC.

Sirrah , boy , brace your drumme a little straighter , and doe the t'other fellow there , hee in the — what sha' call him — and yet , stay too .

2. PYR. Nay , and thou dalliest , then I am thy foe , And feare shall force , what friendship cannot win ; Thy death shall burie what thy life conceales , Villaine ! thou diest , for more respecting her — 1. PYR. O , stay my Lord . 2. PYR. Then me : yet speake the truth , and I will guerdon thee : But if thou dally once againe , thou diest . TVCC. Enough of this , boy . 2. PYR. Why then lament therefore : damn'd be thy guts vnto king PLVTOES hell , and princely EREBVS ; for sparrowes must haue foode . HIST. 'Pray , sweet Captaine , let one of them doe a little of a ladie . TVCC. O! he will make thee eternally enamour'd of him , there : doe , sirrah , doe : 't will allay your fellowes furie a little . 1. PYR. Master , mocke on : the scorne thou giuest me , Pray IOVE , some lady may returne on thee . 2. PYR. No : you shall see mee doe the Moore : Master , lend mee your scarfe a little . TVCC. Here , 't is at thy seruice , boy . 2. PYR. They with-draw to make themselues ready . You , master MINOS , harke hither a little . TVCC. How do'st like him ? art not rapt ? art not tickled now ? do'st not applaud , rascall ? do'st not applaud ? HIST. Yes : what will you aske for 'hem a weeke , Captaine ? TVCC.

No , you mangonizing slaue , I will not part from 'hem : you 'll sell 'hem for enghles you : let 's ha' good cheere to morrow-night at supper , stalker , and then wee 'll talke , good capon , and plouer , doe you heare , sirrah ? and doe not bring your eating plaier with you there ; I cannot away with him : He will eate a legge of mutton , while I am in my porridge , the leane POLVPHAGVS , his belly is like Barathrum , he lookes like a midwife in mans apparell , the slaue . Nor the villanous-out-of-tune fiddler AENOBARBUS , bring not him . What hast thou there ? sixe and thirtie ? ha ?

HIST.

No , here 's all I haue ( Captaine ) some fiue and twentie . Pray , sir , will you present , and accommodate it vnto the gentleman : for mine owne part , I am a meere stranger to his humour : besides , I haue some businesse inuites me hence , with Master ASINIVS LVPVS , the tribune .

TVCC.

Well : goe thy waies : pursue thy proiects , let mee alone with this desseigne ; my POETASTER shall make thee a play , and thou shalt be a man of good parts , in it . But stay , let mee see : Doe not bring your AESOPE , your polititian ; vnlesse you can ram vp his mouth with cloues : the slaue smells ranker then some sixteene dung-hills , and is seuenteene times more rotten : Mary , you may bring FRISKER , my zany : Hee 's a good skipping swaggerer ; and your fat foole there , my MANGO , bring him too : but let him not begge rapiers , nor scarfes , in his ouer-familiar playing face , nor rore out his barren bold iests , with a tormenting laughter , betweene drunke , and drie . Doe you heare , stiffe-toe ? Giue him warning , admonition , to forsake his sawcy glauering grace , and his goggle eie : it does not become him , sirrah : tell him so . I haue stood vp and defended you I , to gent'men , when you haue beene said to prey vpon pu'nees , and honest citizens , for socks , or buskins : or when they ha' call'd you vsurers , or brokers , or said , you were able to helpe to a peece of flesh — I haue sworne , I did not thinke so . Nor that you were the common retreats for punkes decai'd i' their practice . I cannot beleeue it of you —

HIST.

Thanke you , Captaine : IVPITER , and the rest of the gods confine your moderne delights , without disgust .

TVCC.

Stay , thou shalt see the Moore , ere thou goest : what 's he , with the halfe-armes there , that salutes vs out of his cloke , like a motion ? ha ?

HIST.

O , sir , his dubblet 's a little decaied ; hee is otherwise a very simple honest fellow , sir , one DEMETRIVS , a dresser of plaies about the towne , here ; we haue hir'd him to abuse HORACE , and bring him in , in a play , with all his gallants : as , TIBVLLVS , MECOENAS , CORNELIVS GALLVS , and the rest .

TVCC.

And : why so , stinkard ?

HIST.

O , it will get vs a huge deale of money ( Captaine ) and wee haue need on 't ; for this winter ha's made vs all poorer , then so many staru'd snakes : No bodie comes at vs ; not a gentleman , nor a —

TVCC.

But , you know nothing by him , doe you , to make a play of ?

HIST.

Faith , not much , Captaine : but our Author will deuise , that , that shall serue in some sort .

TVCC.

Why , my PARNASSVS , here , shall helpe him , if thou wilt : Can thy Author doe it impudently enough ?

HIST.

O , I warrant you , Captaine , and spitefully inough , too ; hee ha's one of the most ouer-flowing ranke wits , in Rome . He will slander any man that breathes , if he disgust him .

TVCC.

I 'le know the poore , egregious , nitty rascall , and he haue these commendable qualities , I 'le cherish him ( stay , here comes the Tartar ) I 'le make a gathering for him , I : a purse , and put the poore slaue in fresh rags . Tell him so , The boy comes in on Minos shoulders , who stalkes , as he ails . to comfort him : well said , boy .

2. PYR. Where art thou , boy ? where is CALIPOLIS ? Fight earth-quakes , in the entrailes of the earth , And easterne whirle-windes in the hellish shades : Some foule contagion of th' infected heauens Blast all the trees ; and in their cursed tops The dismall night-rauen , and tragicke owle Breed , and become fore-runners of my fall . TVCC.

Well , now fare thee well , my honest penny-biter : Commend me to seuen-shares and a halfe , and remember to morrow — if you lacke a seruice , you shall play in my name , rascalls , but you shall buy your owne cloth , and I 'le ha' two shares for my countenance . Let thy author stay with mee .

DEME.

Yes , sir .

TVCC.

'T was well done , little MINOS , thou didst stalke well ; forgiue me that I said thou stunkst , MINOS : 't was the sauour of a poet , I met sweating in the street , hangs yet in my nostrills .

CRIS.

Who ? HORACE ?

TVCC.

I ; he , do'st thou know him ?

CRIS.

O , he forsooke me most barbarously , I protest .

TVCC.

Hang him fustie satyre , he smells all goate ; hee carries a ram , vnder his arme-holes , the slaue : I am the worse when I see him . Did not MINOS impart ?

CRIS.

Yes , here are twentie drachmes , he did conuey .

TVCC.

Well said , keepe 'hem , wee 'll share anon ; come , little MINOS .

CRIS.

Faith , Captaine , I 'le be bold to shew you a mistris of mine , a iewellers wife , a gallant , as we goe along .

TVCC.

There spoke my Genius . MINOS , some of thy eringoes , little MINOS ; send : come hither , PARNASSVS , I must ha' thee familiar with my little locust , here , 't is a good vermine , they say . See , here 's HORACE , and old TREBATIVS , the great lawier , in his companie ; let 's auoid him , now : He is too well seconded .

Act III. Scene V. HORACE , TREBATIVS . Hor. Sat. 1. li. 2. THere are , to whom I seeme excessiue sower ; And past a satyres law , t' extend my power : Others , that thinke what euer I haue writ Wants pith , and matter to eternise it ; And that they could , in one daies light , disclose A thousand verses , such as I compose . What shall I doe , TREBATIVS ? say . TREB. Surcease . HORA. And shall my Muse admit no more encrease ? TREB. So I aduise . HORA. An ill death let mee die . If 't were not best ; but sleepe auoids mine eye : And I vse these , lest nights should tedious seeme . TREB. Rather , contend to sleepe , and liue like them , That holding golden sleepe in speciall price , Rub'd with sweet oiles , swim siluer Tyber thrice , And euery eu'en , with neat wine steeped be : Or , if such loue of writing rauish thee , Then dare to sing vnconquer'd CAESARS deeds ; Who cheeres such actions , with aboundant meeds . HORA. That , father , I desire ; but when I trie , I feele defects in euery facultie : Nor is 't a labour fit for euery pen , To paint the horrid troups of armed men ; The launces burst , in GALLIA'S slaughtred forces ; Or wounded Parthians , tumbled from their horses : Great CAESARS warres cannot be fought with words . TREB. Yet , what his vertue in his peace affords , His fortitude , and iustice thou canst show ; As wise LVCILIVS , honor'd SCIPIO . HORA. Of that , my powers shall suffer no neglect , When such sleight labours may aspire respect : But , if watch not a most chosen time , The humble wordes of FLACCVS cannot clime The' attentiue eare of CAESAR ; nor must I With lesse obseruance shunne grosse flatterie : For he , reposed safe in his owne merit , Spurnes backe the gloses of a fawning spirit . TREB. But , how much better would such accents sound , Then , with a sad , and serious verse to wound PANTOLABVS , railing in his sawcie iests ? Or NOMENTANVS spent in riotous feasts ? " In satyres , each man ( though vntoucht ) complaines " As he were hurt ; and hates such biting straines . HORA. What shall I doe ? MILONIVS shakes his heeles In ceaslesse dances , when his braine once feeles The stirring feruour of the wine ascend ; And that his eyes false number apprehend . CASTOR his horse ; POLLVX loues handie fights : Thousand heads , a thousand choise delights . My pleasure is in feet , my words to close , As , both our better , old LVCILIVS does : He , as his trustie friends , his bookes did trust With all his secrets ; nor , in things vniust , Or actions lawfull , ran to other men : So , that the old mans life , describ'd was seene As in a votiue table in his lines ; And to his steps my Genius inclines , Lucanian , or Apulian , I not whether ; For the Venusian colonie plowes either : Sent thither , when the Sabines were forc'd thence ( As old fame sings ) to giue the place defence 'Gainst such , as seeing it emptie , might make rode Vpon the empire ; or there sixe abode : Whether th' Apulian borderer it were , Or the Lucanian violence they feare . But this my stile no liuing man shall touch , If first I be not forc'd by base reproch ; But , like a sheathed sword , it shall defend My innocent life ; for , why should I contend To draw it out , when no malicious thiefe Robs my good name , the treasure of my life ? O IVPITER , let it with rust be eaten , Before it touch , or insolently threaten The life of any with the least disease ; So much I loue , and woe a generall peace . But , he that wrongs me ( better , I proclame , He neuer had assai'd to touch my fame . ) For he shall weepe , and walke with euery tongue Throughout the citie , infamously song . SERVIVS , the Praetor , threats the lawes , and vrne , If any at his deedes repine or spurne ; The witch , CANIDIA , that ALBVCIVS got , Denounceth witch-craft , where shee loueth not : THVRIVS , the iudge , doth thunder worlds of ill , To such , as striue with his iudiciall will ; " All men affright their foes in what they may , " Nature commands it , and men must obay . Obserue with me ; " The wolfe his tooth doth vse : " The bull his horne . And , who doth this infuse , " But nature ? There 's luxurious SCAEVA ; Trust His long-liu'd mother with him ; His so iust And scrupulous right hand no mischiefe will ; No more , then with his heele a wolfe will kill , Or Oxe with iaw : Mary , let him alone With temper'd poison to remoue the croane . But , briefly , if to age I destin'd bee , Or that quick deaths black wings inuiron me ; If rich , or poore ; at Rome ; or fate command I shall be banish't to some other land ; What hiew soeuer , my whole state shall beare , I will write satyres still , in spight of feare . TREB. HORACE ; I feare , thou draw'st no lasting breath : And that some great mans friend will be thy death . HORA. What ? when the man that first did satyrise , Durst pull the skin ouer the eares of vice ; And make , who stood in outward fashion cleare , Giue place , as foule within ; shall I forbeare ? Did LAELIVS , or the man , so great with fame , That from sackt Carthage fetcht his worthy name , Storme , that LVCILIVS did METELLVS pierce ? Or bury LVPVS quick , in famous verse ? Rulers , and subiects , by whole tribes he checkt ; But vertue , and her friends did still protect : And when from sight , or from the iudgement seat , The vertuous SCIPIO , and wise LAELIVS met , Vnbrac't , with him in all light sports , they shar'd ; Till , their most frugall suppers were prepar'd . What e're I am , though both for wealth , and wit ; Beneath LVCILIVS , I am pleas'd to sit , Yet , enuy ( spight of her empoisoned brest ) Shall say , I liu'd in grace here , with the best ; And , seeking in weake trash to make her wound , Shall find me solid , and her teeth vnsound : 'Lesse , learn'd TREBATIVS censure disagree . TREB. No , HORACE , I of force must yeeld to thee , Only , take heed , as being aduis'd by mee , Lest thou incurre some danger : Better pause Then rue thy ignorance of the sacred lawes ; There 's iustice , and great action may be su'd 'Gainst such , as wrong mens fames with verses lewd . HORA. I , with lewd verses ; such as libels bee , And aym'd at persons of good qualitie . I reuerence and adore that iust decree : But if they shall be sharp , yet modest rimes That spare mens persons , and but taxe their crimes , Such , shall in open court , find currant passe Were CAESAR iudge , and with the makers grace . TREB. Nay , I 'le adde more ; if thou thy selfe being cleare , Shalt taxe in person a man , fit to boare Shame , and reproch ; his sute shall quickly bee Dissolu'd in laughter , and thou thence sit free .
Act IIII. Scene I. CHLOE , CYTHERIS .

BVt , sweet ladie , say : am I well inough attir'd for the court , in sadnesse ?

CYTH.

Well inough ? excellent well , sweet Mistris CHLOE , this straight-bodied city attire ( I can tell you ) will stir a courtiers bloud , more , then the finest loose sacks the ladies vse to be put in ; and then you are as well iewell'd as any of them , your ruffe , and linnen about you , is much more pure then theirs : And for your beautie , I can tell you , there 's many of them would defie the painter , if they could change with you . Mary , the worst is , you must looke to be enuied , and endure a few courtfrumps for it .

CHLO.

O IOVE , Madam , I shall buy them too cheape ! Giue me my muffe , and my dogge there . And will the ladies be any thing familiar with me , thinke you ?

CYTH.

O IVNO ! why , you shall see 'hem flock about you with their puffe wings , and aske you , where you bought your lawne ? and what you paid for it ? who starches you ? and entreat you to helpe 'hem to some pure landresses , out of the citie .

CHLO.

O CVPID ! giue me my fanne , and my masque too : And will the lords , and the poets there , vse one well too , ladie ?

CYTH.

Doubt not of that : you shall haue kisses from them , goe pit-pat , pit-pat , pit-pat , vpon your lips , as thick as stones out of slings , at the assault of a citie . And then your eares will be so furd with the breath of their complements , that you cannot catch cold of your head ( if you would ) in three winters after .

CHLO.

Thanke you , sweet ladie . O heauen ! And how must one behaue her selfe amongst 'hem ? you know all .

CYTH.

Faith , impudently inough , mistris CHLOE , and well inough . Carrie not too much vnder-thought betwixt your selfe and them ; nor your citie mannerly word ( forsooth ) vse it not too often in any case ; but plaine , I , Madam ; and , No , Madam : Nor neuer say , your Lordship , nor your Honor ; but , you , and you my Lord , and my Ladie : the other , they count too simple , and minsitiue . And though they desire to kisse heauen with their titles , yet they will count them fooles that giue them too humbly .

CHLO.

O intolerable , IVPITER ! By my troth , ladie , I would not for a world , but you had lyen in my house : and i' faith you shall not pay a farthing , for your boord , nor your chambers .

CYTH.

O , sweet Mistresse CHLOE !

CHLO.

I faith , you shall not ladie , nay , good ladie , doe not offer it .

Act IIII. Scene II. COR. GALLVS , TIBVLLVS , CYTHERIS , CHLOE .

COme , where be these ladies ? By your leaue , bright starres , this gentleman and I are come to man you to court : where your late kind entertainement is now to bee requited with a heauenly banquet .

CYTH.

A heauenly banquet , Gallus ?

COR. GALL.

No lesse , my deare , CYTHERIS .

TIBV.

That were not strange , ladie , if the epithete were onely giuen for the companie inuited thither ; your selfe , and this faire gentlewoman .

CHLO.

Are we inuited to court , sir ?

TIBV.

You are , ladie , by the great Princesse , IVLIA : who longs to greet you with any fauours , that may worthily make you an often courtier .

CHLO.

In sinceritie , I thanke her , sir . You haue a coach ? ha' you not ?

TIBV.

The Princesse hath sent her owne , ladie .

CHLO.

O VENVS ! that 's well : I doe long to ride in a coach most vehemently .

CYTH.

But , sweet GALLVS , pray you , resolue mee , why you giue that heauenly prayse , to this earthly banquet ?

COR. GALL.

Because ( CYTHERIS ) it must bee celebrated by the heauenly powers : All the Gods , and Goddesses will bee there ; to two of which , you two must be exalted .

CHLO.

A prettie fiction in truth .

CYTH.

A fiction indeed , CHLOE , and fit , for the fit of a poet .

COR. GALL.

Why , CYTHERIS , may not poets ( from whose diuine spirits , all the honours of the gods haue beene deduc't ) intreate so much honor of the gods , to haue their diuine presence at a poeticall banquet ?

CYTH.

Suppose that no fiction : yet , where are your habilities to make vs two goddesses , at your feast ?

COR. GALL.

Who knowes not ( CYTHERIS ) that the sacred breath of a true poet , can blow any vertuous humanitie , vp to deitie ?

TIBV.

To tell you the femall truth ( which is the simple truth ) ladies ; and to shew that poets ( in spight of the world ) are able to deifie themselues : At this banquet , to which you are inuited , wee intend to assume the figures of the Gods ; and to giue our seuerall Loues the formes of Goddesses . OVID will be IVPITER ; the Princesse IVLIA , IVNO ; GALLVS here APOLLO ; you CYTHERIS , PALLAS ; I will bee BACCHVS ; and my Loue PLAVTIA , CERES : And to install you , and your husband , faire CHLOE , in honours , equall with ours ; you shall be a Goddesse , and your husband a God .

CHLO.

A God ? O my god !

TIBV.

A God , but a lame God , ladie : for he shall be VULCAN , and you VENVS . And this will make our banquet no lesse then heauenly .

CHLO.

In sinceritie , it will bee sugred . Good IOVE , what a prettie foolish thing it is to be a poet ! But harke you , sweet CYTHERIS ; could they not possibly leaue out my husband ? mee thinkes , a bodies husband do's not so well at Court : A bodies friend , or so — but husband , 't is like your clog to your marmaset , for all the world , and the heauens .

CYTH.

Tut , neuer feare , CHLOE : your husband will be left without in the lobby , or the great chamber , when you shall be put in , i' the closet , by this lord , and by that lady .

CHLO.

Nay , then I am certified : he shall goe .

Act IIII. Scene III . GALLVS , HORACE , TIBVLLVS , ALBIVS , CRISPINVS , TVCCA , DEMETRIVS , CYTHERIS , CHLOE . HORACE ! Welcome . HORA.

Gentlemen , heare you the newes ?

TIBV.

What newes , my QVINTVS ?

HORA. Our melancholike friend , PROPERTIVS , Hath clos'd himselfe , vp , in his CYNTHIAS tombe ; And will by no intreaties be drawne thence . ALBI.

Nay , good master CRISPINVS , pray you , bring neere the gentleman .

HORA.

CRISPINVS ? Hide mee , good GALLVS : TIBVLLVS , shelter mee .

CRIS.

Make your approch , sweet Captaine .

TIBV.

What meanes this , HORACE ?

HORA.

I am surpriz'd againe , farewell .

GALL.

Stay , HORACE .

HORA. What , and be tir'd on , by yond' vulture ? No : PHOEBVS defend me . TIBV. 'Slight ! I hold my life , This same is he met him in holy street . GALL.

Troth , 't is like enough . This act of PROPERTIVS relisheth very strange , with me .

TVCC.

By thy leaue , my neat scoundrell : what , is this the mad boy you talk't on ?

CRIS.

I : this is master ALBIVS , Captaine .

TVCC.

Giue me thy hand , AGAMEMNON ; we heare abroad , thou art the HECTOR of citizens : what sayest thou ? are we welcome to thee , noble NEOPTOLEMVS ?

ALBI.

Welcome , Captaine ? by IOVE , and all the Gods i' the capitoll —

TVCC.

No more , we conceiue thee . Which of these is thy wedlocke , MENELAVS ? thy HELLEN ? thy LVCRECE ? that wee may doe her honor ; mad boy ?

CRIS.

Shee i' the little fine dressing , sir , is my Mistris .

ALBI.

For fault of a better , sir .

TVCC.

A better , prophane rascall ? I crie thee mercy ( my good scroile ) was 't thou ?

ALBI.

No harme , Captaine .

TVCC.

Shee is a VENVS , a VESTA , a MELPOMENE : Come hither , PENELOPE ; what 's thy name , IRIS ?

CHLO.

My name is CHLOE , sir ; I am a gentlewoman .

TVCC.

Thou art in merit to be an empresse ( CHLOE ) for an eye , and a lip ; thou hast an emperors nose : kisse me againe : 't is a vertuous punke , So . Before IOVE , the gods were a sort of goslings , when they suffred so sweet a breath , to perfume the bed of a stinkard : thou hadst ill fortune , THISBE ; the fates were infatuate ; they were , punke ; they were .

CHLO.

That 's sure , sir : let me craue your name , I pray you , sir .

TVCC.

I am know'n by the name of Captaine TVCCA , punke ; the noble Roman , punke : a gent'man , and a commander , punke .

CHLO.

In good time : a gentleman , and a commander ? that 's as good as a poet , me thinkes .

CRIS.

A prettie instrument ! It 's my cousin CYTHERIS violl , this : is 't not ?

CYTH.

Nay , play cousin , it wants but such a voice , and hand , to grace it , as yours is .

CRIS.

Alas , cousin , you are merrily inspir'd .

CYTH.

'Pray you play , if you loue me .

CRIS.

Yes , cousin : you know , I doe not hate you .

TIBV.

A most subtill wench ! How she hath baited him with a violl yonder , for a song !

CRIS.

Cousin , 'pray you call mistris CHLOE ; shee shall heare an essay of my poetrie .

TVCC.

I 'le call her . Come hither , cockatrice : here 's one , will set thee vp , my sweet punke ; set thee vp .

CHLO.

Are you a puet , so soone , sir ?

ALBI.

Wife : mum .

SONG . LOue is blinde , and a wanton ; In the whole world , there is scant - one such another : No , not his Mother . He hath pluckt her doues , and sparrowes , To feather his sharpe arrowes , And alone preuaileth , Whilst sicke VENVS waileth . But if CYPRIS once recouer The wag ; it shall behoue her To looke better to him : Or shee will vndoe him . ALBI.

O , most odoriferous musicke !

TVCC.

A , ha ! stinkard . Another ORPHEVS , you slaue , another ORPHEVS ! an ARION , riding on the backe of a dolphin , rascall !

GALL.

Haue you a copy of this dittie , sir ?

CRIS.

Master ALBIVS ha's .

ALBI.

I , but in truth , they are my wiues verses ; I must not shew 'hem .

TVCC.

Shew 'hem , bankerupt , shew 'hem ; they haue salt in 'hem , and will brooke the aire , stinkard .

GALL.

How ? to his bright mistris , CANIDIA ?

CRIS.

I , sir , that 's but a borrowed name ; as OVIDS CORINNA , or PROPERTIVS his CYNTHIA , or your NEMESIS , or DELIA , TIBVLLVS .

GALL.

It 's the name of HORACE his witch , as I remember .

TIBV.

Why ? the ditt'i 's all borrowed ; 't is HORACES : hang him plagiary .

TVCC.

How ? he borrow of HORACE ? hee shall pawne himselfe to ten brokers , first . Doe you heare , POETASTERS ? I know you to be men of worship — He shall write with HORACE , for a talent : and let MECoeNAS , and his whole colledge of criticks take his part : thou shalt do 't , young PHOEBVS : thou shalt , PHAETON ; thou shalt .

DEME.

Alas , sir , HORACE ! hee is a meere spunge ; nothing but humours , and obseruation , he goes vp and downe sucking from euery societie , and when hee comes home , squeazes himselfe drie againe . I know him , I .

TVCC.

Thou saiest true , my poore poeticall Furie , hee will pen all hee knowes . A sharpe thornie-tooth'd satyricall rascall , flie him ; hee carries hey in his horne : he wil sooner lose his best friend , then his least iest . What he once drops vpon paper , against a man , liues eternally to vpbraid him in the mouth of euery slaue tankerd-bearer , or water-man ; not a bawd , or a boy that comes from the bake-house , but shall point at him : 't is all dogge , and scorpion ; he carries poison in his teeth , and a sting in his taile . Fough , body of IOVE ! I 'le haue the slaue whipt one of these daies for his satyres , and his humours , by one casheer'd clarke , or another .

CRIS.

Wee 'll vnder-take him , Captaine .

DEME.

I , and tickle him i' faith , for his arrogancie , and his impudence , in commending his owne things ; and for his translating : I can trace him i' faith . O , he is the most open fellow , liuing ; I had as lieue as a new sute , I were at it .

TVCC.

Say no more then , but doe it ; 't is the only way to get thee a new sute ; sting him , my little neufts ; I 'le giue you instructions : I 'le bee your intelligencer , we 'll all ioyne , and hang vpon him like so many horse-leaches , the plaiers and all . We shall sup together , soone ; and then wee 'll conspire , i' faith .

GALL.

O , that HORACE had staied still , here .

TIBV.

So would not I : for both these would haue turn'd Pythagoreans , then .

GALL.

What , mute ?

TIBV.

I , as fishes i'faith : come , ladies , shall we goe ?

CYTH.

We await you , sir . But mistris CHLOE askes , if you haue not a god to spare , for this gentleman .

GALL.

Who , Captaine TVCCA ?

CYTH.

I ; hee .

GALL.

Yes , if we can inuite him along , he shall be MARS .

CHLO.

Ha's MARS any thing to doe with VENVS ?

TIBV.

O , most of all , ladie .

CHLO.

Nay , then , I pray let him bee inuited : and what shall CRISPINVS be ?

TIBV.

MERCVRY , mistris CHLOE .

CHLO.

MERCVRY ? that 's a Poet ? is 't ?

GALL.

No , ladie ; but somewhat inclining that way : hee is a Herald at armes .

CHLO.

A Herald at armes ? good : and MERCVRY ? pretty : hee ha's to doe with VENVS , too ?

TIBV.

A little , with her face , ladie ; or so .

CHLO.

'T is very well ; pray' let 's goe , I long to be at it .

CYTH.

Gentlemen , shall we 'pray your companies along ?

CRIS.

You shall not only pray , but preuaile , ladie . Come , sweet Captaine .

TVCC.

Yes , I follow : but thou must not talke of this now , my little bankerupt .

ALBI.

Captaine , looke here : mum .

DEME.

I 'le goe write , sir .

TVCC.

Doe , doe , stay : there 's a drachme , to purchase ginger-bread , for thy muse .

Act IIII. Scene IIII . LVPVS , HISTRIO , LICTOR , MINOS , MECoeNAS , HORACE .

COme , let vs talke , here ; here we may bee priuate : shut the dore ,

LICTOR .

You are a plaier , you say .

HIST.

I , and 't please your worship .

LVPV.

Good : and how are you able to giue this intelligence ?

HIST.

Mary , sir , they directed a letter to me , and my fellow-sharers .

LVPV.

Speake lower , you are not now i' your theater , Stager : my sword , knaue . They directed a letter to you , and your fellow-sharers : forward .

HIST.

Yes , sir ; to hire some of our properties ; as a scepter , and a crowne , for IOVE ; and a caduceus for MERCVRY : and a petasus —

LVPV.

Caduceus ? and petasus ? Let me see your letter . This is a coniuration ; a conspiracy , this . Quickly , on with my buskins : I 'le act a tragoedie , i' faith . Will nothing but our gods serue these poets to prophane ? dispatch . Plaier , I thanke thee . The Emperour shall take knowledge of thy good seruice . Who 's there now ? Looke , knaue . A crowne , and a scepter ? this is good : rebellion , now ?

LICT.

'T is your pothecary , sir , master MINOS .

LVPV.

What tell'st thou me of pothecaries , knaue ? Tell him ; I haue affaires of state , in hand ; I can talke to no pothecaries , now . Heart of me ! Stay the pothecary there .

You shall see , I haue fish't out a cunning peece of plot now : They haue had some intelligence , that their proiect is discouer'd , and now haue they dealt with my pothecary , to poison me ; 't is so ; knowing , that I meant to take physick to day : As sure as death , 't is there . IVPITER , I thanke thee , that thou hast yet made me so much of a politician . You are welcome , sir ; take the potion from him there ; I haue an antidote more then you wote off , sir ; throw it on the ground there : So . Now fetch in the dogge ; And yet we cannot tarrie to trie experiments , now : arrest him , you shall goe with me , sir ; I 'le tickle you , pothecarie ; I 'le giue you a glister , i' faith . Haue I the letter ? I : 't is here . Come , your fasces , LICTORS : The halfe pikes , and the halberds , take them downe from the lares , there . Plaier , assist me .

MECae.

Whither now , ASINIVS LVPVS , with this armorie ?

LVPV.

I cannot talke now ; I charge you , assist me : Treason , treason .

HORA.

How ? treason ?

LVPV.

I : if you loue the Emperour , and the state , follow me .

Act IIII. Scene V. OVID , IVLIA , GALLVS , CYTHERIS , TIBVLLVS , PLAVTIA , ALBIVS , CHLOE , TVCCA , CRISPINVS , HERMOGENES , PYRGVS .

GOds , and Goddesses , take your seuerall seates . Now , MERCVRY , moue your caduceus , and in IVPITERS name command silence .

CRIS.

In the name of IVPITER ; silence .

HERM.

The cryer of the court hath too clarified a voice .

GALL.

Peace , Momus .

OVID .

Oh , he is the God of reprehension ; let him alone . 'T is his office . MERCVRY , goe forward , and proclaime after PHOEBVS , our high pleasure , to all the Deities that shall partake this high banquet .

CRIS.

Yes , sir .

GALL. The great God , IVPITER , Of his licentious goodnesse , Willing to make this feast , no fast From any manner of pleasure ; Nor to bind any God or Goddesse , To be any thing the more god or goddess , for their names : He giues them all free licence , To speake no wiser , then persons of baser titles ; And to be nothing better , then common men , or women . And therefore no God Shall need to keep himselfe more strictly to his Goddesse , Then any man do's to his wife . Nor any Goddesse Shall need to keepe her selfe more strictly to her God , Then any woman do's to her husband . But , since it is no part of wisdome , In these daies , to come into bonds ; It shall be lawfull for euery louer , To breake louing oathes , To change their louers , and make loue to others , As the heate of euery ones bloud , And the spirit of our nectar shall inspire . And IVPITER , saue IVPITER . CRIS. The great , &c. Of his , &c. Willing , &c. From any , &c. Nor to , &c. To be , &c. He giues , &c. To speake , &c. And to , &c. And there , &c. Shall need , &c. Then any , &c. Nor any , &c. Shall need , &c. Then any , &c. But , since , &c. In these , &c. It shall , &c. To breake , &c. To change , &c. As the , &c. And the , &c. And IVPI . &c. TIBV.

So : now we may play the fooles , by authoritie .

HERM.

To play the foole by authoritie , is wisdome .

IVLI.

Away with your matterie sentences , Momus ; they are too graue , and wise , for this meeting .

OVID .

MERCVRY , giue our iester a stoole , let him sit by ; and reach him of our cates .

TVCC.

Do'st heare , mad IVPITER ? Wee 'll haue it enacted ; He , that speakes the first wise word , shall be made cuckold . What sai'st thou ? Is 't not a good motion ?

OVID .

Deities , are you all agreed ?

ALL .

Agreed , great IVPITER .

ALBI.

I haue read in a booke , that to play the foole wisely , is high wisdome .

GALL.

How now , VULCAN ! will you be the first wizard ?

OVID .

Take his wife , MARS , and make him cuckold , quickly .

TVCC.

Come , cockatrice .

CHLO.

No , let me alone with him , IVPITER : I 'le make you take heed , sir , while you liue againe ; if there be twelue in a companie , that you bee not the wisest of 'hem .

ALBI.

No more , I will not indeed , wife , hereafter ; I 'le be here : mum .

OVID .

Fill vs a bowle of nectar , GANYMEDE : we will drinke to our daughter VENVS .

GALL.

Looke to your wife , VULCAN : IVPITER begins to court her .

TIBV.

Nay , let MARS looke to it : VULCAN must doe , as VENVS doe's , beare .

TVCC.

Sirrah , boy : catamite . Looke , you play GANYMEDE well now , you slaue . Doe not spill your nectar ; Carrie your cup euen : so . You should haue rub'd your face , with whites of egges , you rascall ; till your browes had shone like our sooty brothers here , as sleeke as a horn-booke : or ha' steept your lips in wine , till you made 'hem so plump , that IVNO might haue beene iealous of 'hem . Punke , kisse me , punke .

OVID .

Here , daughter VENVS , I drinke to thee .

CHLO.

'Thanke you , good father IVPITER .

TVCC.

Why , mother IVNO ! gods and fiends ! what , wilt thou suffer this ocular temptation ?

TIBV.

MARS is enrag'd , hee lookes bigge , and begins to stut , for anger .

HERM.

Well plaid , Captaine MARS .

TVCC.

Well said , minstrell MOMVS : I must put you in ? must I ? When will you be in good fooling of your selfe , fiddler ? neuer ?

HERM.

O , 't is our fashion , to be silent , when there is a better foole in place , euer .

TVCC.

'Thanke you , rascall .

OVID .

Fill to our daughter VENVS , GANYMEDE , who fills her father with affection .

IVLI.

Wilt thou be ranging , IVPITER , before my face ?

OVID .

Why not , IVNO ? why should IVPITER stand in awe of thy face , IVNO ?

IVLI.

Because it is thy wiues face , IVPITER .

OVID .

What , shall a husband be afraid of his wiues face ? will shee paint it so horribly ? Wee are a King , cot-queane ; and we will raigne in our pleasures ; and wee will cudgell thee to death , if thou finde fault with vs .

IVLI.

I will find fault with thee , King cuckold-maker : what , shall the King of gods turne the King of good fellowes , and haue no fellow in wickednesse ? This makes our poets , that know our prophanenesse , liue as prophane , as we : By my god-head , IVPITER ; I will ioyne with all the other gods , here ; bind thee hand and foot ; throw thee downe into earth ; and make a poore poet of thee , if thou abuse me thus .

GALL.

A good smart-tongu'd Goddesse ; a right IVNO .

OVID .

IVNO , we will cudgell thee , IVNO : we told thee so yesterday , when thou wert iealous of vs , for THETIS .

PYRG.

Nay , to day shee had me in inquisition too .

TVCC.

Well said , my fine Phrygian frie , informe , informe . Giue mee some wine ( King of Heralds ) I may drinke to my cockatrice .

OVID .

No more , GANYMEDE , wee will cudgell thee , IVNO : by STYX , we will .

IVLI.

I , 't is well , Gods may grow impudent in iniquitie , and they must not be told of it —

OVID .

Yea , we will knocke our chinne against our brest ; and shake thee out of Olympus , into an oyster-bote , for thy scolding .

IVLI.

Your nose is not long enough to doe it , IVPITER , if all thy strumpets , thou hast among the starres , tooke thy part . And there is neuer a starre in thy fore-head , but shall be a horne , if thou persist to abuse me .

CRIS.

A good iest , i' faith .

OVID .

We tell thee , thou anger'st vs , cot-queane ; and we will thunder thee in peeces , for thy cot-queanitie .

CRIS.

Another good iest .

ALBI.

O , my hammers , and my Cyclops ! this boy fills not wine enough , to make vs kind enough , to one another .

TVCC.

Nor thou hast not collied thy face enough , stinkard .

ALBI.

I 'le ply the table with nectar , and make them friends .

HERM.

Heauen is like to haue but a lame skinker , then .

ALBI.

" Wine , and good liuers , make true louers : I 'le sentence them together . Here father , here mother , for shame , drinke your selues drunke , and forget this dissention : you two should cling together , before our faces , and giue vs example of vnitie .

GALL.

O , excellently spoken , VULCAN , on the sodaine !

TIBV.

IVPITER , may doe well to preferre his tongue to some office , for his eloquence .

TVCC.

His tongue shall bee gent'man vsher to his wit , and still goe before it .

ALBI.

An excellent fit office !

CRIS.

I , and an excellent good iest , besides .

HERM.

What , haue you hired MERCVRY , to cry your iests you make ?

OVID .

MOMVS , you are enuious .

TVCC.

Why , you whoreson block-head , 't is your only blocke of wit in fashion ( now adaies ) to applaud other folkes iests .

HERM.

True : with those that are not artificers themselues . VULCAN , you nod ; and the mirth of the iest droops .

PYRG.

He ha's fild nectar so long , till his braine swims in it .

GALL.

What , doe we nod , fellow Gods ? sound musicke , and let vs startle our spirits with a song .

TVCC.

Doe , APOLLO : thou art a good musician .

GALL.

What saies IVPITER ?

OVID .

Ha ? ha ?

GALL.

A song .

OVID .

Why , doe , doe , sing .

PLAV.

BACCHVS , what say you ?

TIBV.

CERES ?

PLAV.

But , to this song ?

TIBV.

Sing , for my part .

IVLI.

Your belly weighes downe your head , BACCHVS : here 's a song toward .

TIBV.

Begin , VULCAN —

ALBI.

What else ? what else ?

TVCC.

Say , IVPITER —

OVID .

MERCVRY —

CRIS.

I , say , say —

SONG . WAke , our mirth begins to die : Quicken it with tunes , and wine : Raise your notes , you 're out : fie , fie , This drouzinesse is an ill signe . We banish him the queere of Gods , That droops agen : Then all are men , For here 's not one , but nods . OVID .

I like not this sodaine and generall heauinesse , amongst our Godheads : 'T is somewhat ominous . APOLLO , command vs lowder musicke , and let MERCVRY , and MOMVS contend to please , and reuiue our senses .

SONG . HERM. THen , in a free and lofty straine , Our broken tunes we thus repaire ; CRIS. And we answere them againe , Running diuision on the panting aire : AMBO . To celebrate this feast of sense , As free from scandall , as offence . HERM. Here is beautie , for the eye ; CRIS. For the eare , sweet melodie ; HERM. Ambrosiack odours , for the smell ; CRIS. Delicious nectar , for the taste ; AMBO . For the touch , a ladies waste ; Which doth all the rest excell ! OVID .

I : This hath wak't vs . MERCVRY , our Herald ; Goe from our selfe , the great God IVPITER , to the great Emperour , AVGVSTVS CAESAR : And command him , from vs ( of whose bountie he hath receiued his sir-name , AVGVSTVS ) that for a thanke-offring to our beneficence , he presently sacrifice as a dish to this banquet , his beautifull and wanton daughter IVLIA . Shee 's a curst queane , tell him ; and plaies the scold behind his backe : Therefore , let her be sacrific'd . Command him this , MERCVRY , in our high name of IVPITER ALTITONANS .

IVLI.

Stay , feather-footed MERCVRY , and tell AVGVSTVS , from vs , the great IVNO SATVRNIA ; if he thinke it hard to doe , as IVPITER hath commanded him , and sacrifice his daughter , that hee had better to doe so ten times , then suffer her to loue the well-nos'd poet , OVID : whom he shall doe well to whip , or cause to bee whipt , about the capitoll , for soothing her , in her follies .

Act IIII. Scene VI. CAESAR , MECOENAS , HORACE , LVPVS , HISTRIO , MINOS , LICTORS , OVID , GALLVS , TIBVLLVS , TVCCA , CRISPINVS , ALBIVS , HERMOGENES , PYRGVS , IVLIA , CYTHERIS , PLAVTIA , CHLOE . WHat sight is this ? MECOENAS ! HORACE ! say ! Haue we our senses ? Doe we heare ? and see ? Or , are these but imaginarie obiects Drawne by our phantasie ? Why speake you not ? Let vs doe sacrifice ? Are they the Gods ? Reuerence , amaze , and furie fight in me . What ? doe they kneele ? Nay , then I see 't is true I thought impossible : Ô , impious sight ! Let me diuert mine eyes ; the very thought Euerts my soule , with passion : looke not , man . There is a panther , whose vnnaturall eyes Will strike thee dead : He offers to kill his daughter . turne then , and die on her With her owne death . MECoe. HORACE . What meanes imperiall CAESAR ? CAESA. What , would you haue me let the strumpet liue , That , for this pageant , earnes so many deathes ? TVCC. Boy , slinke boy . PYRG. 'Pray IVPITER , we be not follow'd by the sent , Master . CAESA. Say , sir , what are you ? ALBI. I play VULCAN , sir . CAESA. But , what are you , sir ? ALBI. Your citizen , and ieweller , sir . CAESA. And what are you , dame ? CHLO. I play VENVS , forsooth . CAESA. I aske not , what you play ? but , what you are ? CHLO. Your citizen , and iewellers wife , sir . CAESA. And you , good sir ? CRIS. Your gentleman , parcell-poet , sir . CAESA. O , that prophaned name ! And are these seemely companie for thee , Degenerate monster ? all the rest I know , And hate all knowledge , for their hatefull sakes . Are you , that first the deities inspir'd With skill of their high natures , and their powers , The first abusers of their vse-full light ; Prophaning thus their dignities , in their formes : And making them like you , but counterfeits ? O , who shall follow vertue , and embrace her , When her false bosome is found nought but aire ? And yet , of those embraces , centaures spring , That warre with humane peace , and poyson men . Who shall , with greater comforts , comprehend Her vnseene being , and her excellence ; When you , that teach , and should eternize her , Liue , as shee were no law vnto your liues : Nor liu'd her selfe , but with your idle breaths ? If you thinke gods but fain'd , and vertue painted , Know , we sustaine an actuall residence ; And , with the title of an Emperour , Retaine his spirit , and imperiall power : By which ( in imposition too remisse , Licentious NASO , for thy violent wrong , In soothing the declin'd affections Of our base daughter ) we exile thy feete From all approch , to our imperiall court , On paine of death : and thy mis-gotten loue Commit to patronage of iron doores ; Since her soft-hearted fire cannot containe her . MECoe. O , good my lord ; forgiue : be like the Gods . HORA. Let royall bountie ( CAESAR ) mediate . CAESA. There is no bountie to be shewed to such , As haue no reall goodnesse : Bountie is A spice of vertue : and what vertuous act Can take effect on them , that haue no power Of equall habitude to apprehend it , But liue in worship of that idoll vice , As if there were no vertue , but in shade Of strong imagination , meerely enforc't ? This shewes , their knowledge is meere ignorance ; Their farre-fetcht dignitie of soule , a phansy ; And all their square pretext of grauitie A meere vaine glorie : hence , away with 'hem . I will preferre for knowledge , none , but such As rule their liues by it , and can becalme All sea of humour , with the marble trident Of their strong spirits : Others fight below With gnats , and shaddowes , others nothing know .
Act IIII. Scene VII. TVCCA , CRISPINVS , PYRGVS , HORACE , MECoeNAS , LVPVS , HISTRIO .

WHat 's become of my little punke , VENVS ! and the poult-foot stinkard , her husband ? ha ?

CRIS.

O , they are rid home i' the coach , as fast as the wheeles can runne .

TVCC.

God IVPITER is banisht , I heare : and his cockatrice , IVNO , lockt vp : 'Hart ; and and all the poetrie in Parnassus get me to bee a player againe , I 'le sell 'hem my share for a sesterce . But this is humours , HORACE , that goat-footed enuious slaue ; hee 's turn'd fawne now , an informer , the rogue : 't is hee has betraid vs all . Did you not see him , with the Emperour , crouching ?

CRIS.

Yes .

TVCC.

Well , follow me . Thou shalt libell , and I 'le cudgell the rascall . Boy , prouide me a truncheon ; Reuenge shall gratulate him , tam MARTI , quàm MERCVRIO .

PYRG.

I , but Master ; take heed how you giue this out , HORACE is a man of the sword .

CRIS.

'T is true , in troth : they say , he 's valiant .

TVCC.

Valiant ? so is mine arse , gods , and fiends ! I 'le blow him into aire , when I meet him next : He dares not fight with a puck-fist .

PYRG.

Master , Horace passes by . here he comes .

TVCC.

Where ? IVPITER saue thee , my good poet ; my noble prophet ; my little fat HORACE . I scorne to beate the rogue i' the court ; and I saluted him , thus faire , because hee should suspect nothing , the rascall : Come , wee 'll goe see how forward our iourney-man is toward the vntrussing of him .

CRIS.

Doe you heare , Captaine ? I 'le write nothing in it but innocence : because I may sweare I am innocent .

HORA.

Nay , why pursue you not the Emperor for your reward , now , LVPVS ?

MECoe. Stay , ASINIVS ; you , and your stager , and your band of LICTORS : I hope your seruice merits more respect , Then thus , without a thankes , to be sent hence ? HIST. Well , well , iest on , iest on . HORA. Thou base vnworthy groome . LVPV. I , I , 't is good . HORA. Was this the treason ? this , the dangerous plot , Thy clamorous tongue so bellowed through the court ? Hadst thou no other proiect to encrease Thy grace with CAESAR , but this woluish traine ; To prey vpon the life of innocent mirth , And harmelesse pleasures , bred , of noble wit ? Away , I lothe thy presence : such as thou , They are the moths , and scarabes of a state ; The bane of empires ; and the dregs of courts ; Who ( to endeare themselues to any employment ) Care not , whose fame they blast ; whose life they endanger : And vnder a disguis'd , and cob-web masque Of loue , vnto their soueraigne , vomit forth Their owne prodigious malice ; and pretending To be the props , and columnes of his safety , The guards vnto his person , and his peace , Disturbe it most , with their false lapwing-cries . LVPV. Good . CAESAR shall know of this ; beleeue it . MECoe. CAESAR doth know it ( wolfe ) and to his knowledge , Hee will ( I hope ) reward your base endeuours . " Princes that will but heare , or giue accesse " To such officious spies , can ne're be safe : " They take in poyson , with an open care , " And , free from danger , become slaues to feare .
Act IIII. Scene VIII. OVID . BAnisht the court ? Let me be banisht life ; Since the chiefe end of life is there concluded : Within the court , is all the kingdome bounded , And as her sacred spheare doth comprehend Ten thousand times so much , as so much place In any part of all the empire else ; So euery body , moouing in her spheare , Containes ten thousand times as much in him , As any other , her choice orbe excludes . As in a circle , a magician , then Is safe , against the spirit , he excites ; But out of it , is subiect to his rage , And loseth all the vertue of his arte : So I , exil'd the circle of the court , Lose all the good gifts , that in it I ioy'd . " No vertue currant is , but with her stamp : " And no vice vicious , blaunch't with her white hand . The court 's the abstract of all Romes desert ; And my deare IVLIA , th' abstract of the court . Meethinkes , now I come neere her , I respire Some aire of that late comfort , I receiu'd : And while the euening , with her modest vaile , Giues leaue to such poore shaddowes as my selfe , To steale abroad , I , like a heart-lesse ghost , Without the liuing body of my loue , Will here walke , and attend her . For I know , Not farre from hence , shee is imprisoned , And hopes , of her strict guardian , to bribe So much admittance , as to speake to me , And cheere my fainting spirits , with her breath .
Act IIII. Scene IX. IVLIA , Shee appeareth aboue , as at her chamber window . OVID . OVID ? my loue ? OVID . Here , heauenly IVLIA . IVLI. Here ? and not here ? O , how that word doth play With both our fortunes , differing , like our selues , Both one ; and yet diuided , as oppos'd ? I high , thou low ? Ô , this our plight of place Doubly presents the two lets of our loue , Locall , and ceremoniall height , and lownesse : Both waies , I am too high , and thou too low . Our mindes are euen , yet : Ô , why should our bodies , That are their slaues , be so without their rule ? I 'le cast my selfe downe to thee ; If I die , I 'le euer liue with thee : no height of birth , Of place , of dutie , or of cruell power , Shall keepe mee from thee ; should my father locke This body vp within a tombe of brasse , Yet I 'le be with thee . If the formes , I hold Now in my soule , be made one substance with it ; That soule immortall ; and the same 't is now ; Death cannot raze th' affects , shee now retayneth : And then , may shee be any where shee will . The soules of parents rule not childrens soules , When death sets both in their dissolu'd estates ; Then is no child , nor father : then eternitie Frees all , from any temporall respect . I come , my OVID , take me in thine armes : And let me breathe my soule into thy brest . OVID . O , stay , my loue : the hopes thou do'st conceiue Of thy quicke death , and of thy future life , Are not autenticall . Thou choosest death , So thou might'st ioy thy loue , in th' other life . But know ( my princely loue ) when thou art dead , Thou onely must suruiue in perfect soule ; And in the soule , are no affections : We powre out our affections with our bloud ; And with our blouds affections , fade our loues . " No life hath loue in such sweet state , as this ; " No essence is so deare to moodie sense , " As flesh , and bloud ; whose quintessence is sense . " Beautie , compos'd of bloud , and flesh , moues more , " And is more plausible to bloud , and flesh , " Then spirituall beautie can be to the spirit . Such apprehension , as we haue in dreames ( When sleepe , the bond of senses , locks them vp ) Such shall we haue , when death destroies them quite . If loue be then thy obiect , change not life ; Liue high , and happy still : I still below , Close with my fortunes , in thy height , shall ioy . IVLI. Ay me , that vertue , whose braue eagles wings With euery stroke , blow starres , in burning heauen ; Should like a swallow ( preying toward stormes ) Fly close to earth : and with an eager plume , Pursue those obiects , which none else can see , But seeme to all the world , the emptie aire . Thus thou ( poore OVID ) and all vertuous men Must prey like swallowes , on inuisible foode ; Pursuing flies , or nothing : and thus loue , And euery worldly phansie , is transpos'd , By worldly tyrannie , to what plight it list . O , father , since thou gau'st me not my mind , Striue not to rule it : Take , but what thou gau'st To thy disposure . Thy affections Rule not in me ; I must beare all my griefes , Let me vse all my pleasures : vertuous loue Was neuer scandall to a Goddesse state . But , hee 's inflexible ! and , my deare loue , Thy life may chance be shortned , by the length Of my vnwilling speeches to depart . Farewell , sweet life : though thou be yet exil'd Th' officious court , enioy me amply , still : My soule , in this my breath , enters thine eares , And on this turrets floore , will I lie dead , Till we may meet againe . In this proud height , I kneele beneath thee , in my prostrate loue , And kisse the happy sands , that kisse thy feet . " Great IOVE submits a scepter , to a cell ; " And louers , ere they part , will meet in hell . OVID . Farewell , all companie ; and if I could All light with thee : hells shade should hide my browes , Till thy deare beauties beames redeem'd my vowes . IVLI. OVID , Shee calls him backe . my loue : alas , may we not stay A little longer ( think'st thou ) vndiscern'd ? OVID . For thine owne good , faire Goddesse , doe not stay : Who would ingage a firmament of fires , Shining in thee , for me , a falling starre ? Be gone , sweet life-bloud : if I should discerne Thy selfe but toucht , for my sake , I should die . IVLI. I will be gone , then ; and not heauen it selfe Shall draw me backe . He calls her backe . OVID . Yet IVLIA , if thou wilt , A little longer , stay . IVLI. I am content . OVID . O , mightie OVID ! what the sway of heauen Could not retire , my breath hath turned back . IVLI. Who shall goe first , my loue ? my passionate eyes Will not endure to see thee turne from mee . OVID . If thou goe first , my soule will follow thee . IVLI. Then we must stay . OVID . Ay me , there is no stay In amorous pleasures : if both stay , both die . I heare thy father , hence , my deitie . Feare forgeth sounds in my deluded eares ; I did not heare him : I am mad with loue . There is no spirit , vnder heauen , that workes With such illusion : yet such witchcraft kill mee , Ere a sound mind , without it , saue my life . Here , on my knees , I worship the blest place That held my goddesse ; and the louing aire , That clos'd her body in his silken armes : Vaine OVID ! kneele not to the place , nor aire ; Shee 's in thy heart : rise then , and worship there . " The truest wisdome silly men can haue , " Is dotage , on the follies of their flesh .
Act V. Scene I. CAESAR , MECOENAS , GALLVS , TIBVLLVS , HORACE , EQVITES RO. WE , that haue conquer'd still , to saue the conquer'd , And lou'd to make inflictions feard , not felt ; Grieu'd to reproue , and ioyfull to reward , More proud of reconcilement , then reuenge , Resume into the late state of our loue , Worthy CORNELIVS GALLVS , and TIBVLLVS : You both are gentlemen , you , CORNELIVS , A souldier of renowne ; and the first prouost , That euer let our Roman eagles flie On swarthy Aegypt , quarried with her spoiles . Yet ( not to beare cold formes , nor mens out-termes , Without the inward fires , and liues of men ) You both haue vertues , shining through your shapes ; To shew , your titles are not writ on posts , Or hollow statues , which the best men are , Without Promethean stuffings reacht from heauen ! Sweet poesies sacred garlands crowne your gentrie : Which is , of all the faculties on earth , The most abstract , and perfect ; if shee bee True borne , and nurst with all the sciences . Shee can so mould Rome , and her monuments , Within the liquid marble of her lines , That they shall stand fresh , and miraculous , Euen , when they mixe with innouating dust ; In her sweet streames shall our braue Roman spirits Chace , and swim after death , with their choise deeds Shining on their white shoulders ; and therein Shall Tyber , and our famous riuers fall With such attraction , that th' ambitious line Of the round world shall to her center shrinke , To heare their musicke : And , for these high parts , CAESAR shall reuerence the Pierian artes . MECoe. Your Maiesties high grace to poesie , Shall stand 'gainst all the dull detractions Of leaden soules ; who ( for the vaine assumings Of some , quite worthlesse of her soueraigne wreaths ) Containe her worthiest prophets in contempt . GALL. Happy is Rome of all earths other states , To haue so true , and great a president , For her inferiour spirits to imitate , As CAESAR is ; who addeth to the sunne , Influence , and lustre : in encreasing thus His inspirations , kindling fire in vs . HORA. PHOEBVS himselfe shall kneele at CAESARS shrine , And deck it with bay-garlands dew'd with wine , To quite the worship CAESAR does to him : Where other Princes , hoisted to their thrones By fortunes passionate and disordered power , Sit in their height , like clouds , before the sunne , Hindring his comforts ; and ( by their excesse Of cold in vertue , and crosse heate in vice ) Thunder , and tempest , on those learned heads , Whom CAESAR with such honour doth aduance . TIBV. All humane businesse fortune doth command Without all order ; and with her blinde hand , Shee , blinde , bestowes blinde gifts : that still haue nurst They see not who , nor how , but still , the worst . CAES. CAESAR , for his rule , and for so much stuffe As fortune puts in his hand , shall dispose it ( As if his hand had eyes , and soule , in it ) With worth and iudgement . " Hands , that part with gifts , " Or will restraine their vse , without desert ; " Or with a miserie , numm'd to vertues right , " Worke , as they had no soule to gouerne them , " And quite reiect her : seu'ring their estates " From humane order . Whosoeuer can , " And will not cherish vertue , is no man . EQVES . VIRGIL is now at hand , imperiall CAESAR . CAES. Romes honour is at hand then . Fetch a chaire , And set it on our right hand ; where 't is fit . Romes honour , and our owne , should euer sit . Now he is come out of Campania , I doubt not , he hath finisht all his Aeneids , Which , like another soule , I long t' enioy . What thinke * * Viz. Mecoenas , Gallus , Tibullus you three , of VIRGIL , gentlemen , ( That are of his profession , though rankt higher ) Or HORACE , what saist thou , that art the poorest , And like liest to enuy , or to detract ? HORA. CAESAR speakes after common men , in this , To make a difference of me , for my poorenesse : As if the filth of pouertie sunke as deepe Into a knowing spirit , as the bane Of riches doth , into an ignorant soule . No , CAESAR , they be path-lesse , moorish minds , That being once made rotten with the dung Of damned riches , euer after sinke Beneath the steps of any villanie . But knowledge is the nectar , that keepes sweet A perfect soule , euen in this graue of sinne ; And for my soule , it is as free , as CAESARS : For , what I know is due , I 'le giue to all . " He that detracts , or enuies vertuous merit , " Is still the couetous , and the ignorant spirit . CAES. Thankes , HORACE , for thy free , and holsome sharpnesse : Which pleaseth CAESAR more , then seruile fawnes . " A flatterd prince soone turnes the prince of fooles . And for thy sake , wee 'll put no difference more Betweene the great , and good , for being poore . Say then , lou'd HORACE , thy true thought of VIRGIL . HORA. I iudge him of a rectified spirit , By many reuolutions of discourse ( In his bright reasons influence ) refin'd From all the tartarous moodes of common men ; Bearing the nature , and similitude Of a right heauenly bodie : most seuere In fashion , and collection of himselfe , And then as cleare , and confident , as IOVE . GALL. And yet so chaste , and tender is his eare , In suffering any syllable to passe , That , he thinkes , may become the honour'd name Of issue to his so examin'd selfe ; That all the lasting fruits of his full merit In his owne poemes , he doth still distaste : As if his mindes peece , which he stroue to paint , Could not with fleshly pencils haue her right . TIBV. But , to approue his workes of soueraigne worth , This obseruation ( me thinkes ) more then serues : And is not vulgar . That , which he hath writ , Is with such iudgement , labour'd , and distill'd Through all the needfull vses of our liues , That could a man remember but his lines , He should not touch at any serious point , But he might breathe his spirit out of him . CAES. You meane , he might repeat part of his workes , As fit for any conference , he can vse ? TIBV. True , royall CAESAR . CAES. Worthily obseru'd : And a most worthie vertue in his workes . What thinks materiall HORACE , of his learning ? HORA. His learning labours not the schoole-like glosse , That most consists in ecchoing wordes , and termes , And soonest wins a man an empty name ; Nor any long , or far-fetcht circumstance , Wrapt in the curious generalties of artes : But a direct , and analyticke summe Of all the worth and first effects of artes . And for his poesie , 't is so ramm'd with life , That it shall gather strength of life , with being , And liue hereafter , more admir'd , then now . CAES. This one consent , in all your doomes of him , And mutuall loues of all your seuerall merits , Argues a trueth of merit in you all .
Act V. Scene II. CAESAR , VIRGIL , MECOENAS , GALLVS , TIBVLLVS , HORACE , EQVITES RO. SEe , here comes VIRGIL ; we will rise and greet him : Welcome to CAESAR , VIRGIL . CAESAR , and VIRGIL Shall differ but in sound ; to CAESAR , VIRGIL ( Of his expressed greatnesse ) shall be made A second sur-name , and to VIRGIL , CAESAR . Where are thy famous Aeneids ? doe vs grace To let vs see , and surfet on their sight . VIRG. Worthlesse they are of CAESARS gracious eyes , If they were perfect ; much more with their wants : Which yet are more , then my time could supply . And , could great CAESARS expectation Be satisfied with any other seruice , I would not shew them . CAES. VIRGIL is too modest ; Or seekes , in vaine , to make our longings more . Shew them , sweet VIRGIL . VIRG. Then , in such due feare , As fits presenters of great workes , to CAESAR , I humbly shew them . CAES. Let vs now behold A humane soule made visible in life ; And more refulgent in a senselesse paper , Then in the sensuall complement of Kings . Read , read , thy selfe , deare VIRGIL , let not me Prophane one accent , with an vntun'd tongue : " Best matter , badly showne , shewes worse , then bad . See then , this chaire , or purpose set for thee To reade thy poeme in : refuse it not . " Vertue , without presumption , place may take " Aboue best Kings , whom onely she should make . VIRG. It will be thought a thing ridiculous To present eyes , and to all future times A grosse vntruth ; that any poet ( void Of birth , or wealth , or temporall dignity ) Should , with decorum , transcend CAESARS chaire . " Poore vertue rais'd , high birth and wealth set vnder , " Crosseth heau'ns courses , and makes worldlings wonder . CAES. The course of heauen , and fate it selfe , in this Will CAESAR crosse ; much more all worldly custome . HORA. " Custome , in course of honour , euer erres : " And they are best , whom fortune least preferres . CAES. HORACE hath ( but more strictly ) spoke our thoughts . The vast rude swinge of generall confluence Is , in particular ends , exempt from sense : And therefore reason ( which in right should be The speciall rector of all harmonie ) Shall shew we are a man , distinct by it , From those , whom custome rapteth in her preasse . Ascend then , VIRGIL : and where first by chance We here haue turn'd thy booke , doe thou first reade . VIRG. Great CAESAR hath his will : I will ascend . 'T were simple iniurie to his free hand , That sweepes the cobwebs , from vn-vsed vertue , And makes her shine proportion'd , to her worth . To be more nice to entertaine his grace ; Then he is choise and liberall to afford it . CAES. Gentlemen of our chamber , guard the doores , And let none enter , peace . Begin , good VIRGIL . VIRG. Virg. lib. 4. Aeneid . Meane while , the skies 'gan thunder ; and in taile Of that , fell powring stormes of sleet , and haile : The Tyrian lords , and Troian youth , each where With VENVS Dardane * * Iulus . nephew , now , in feare Seeke out for seuerall shelter through the plaine ; Whil'st flouds come rowling from the hills amaine . DIDO a caue , The Troian * * Aeneas . Prince the same Lighted vpon . There , earth , and heauens great * * Iuno . dame , That hath the charge of marriage , first gaue signe Vnto this contract ; fire , and aire did shine , As guiltie of the match ; and from the hill The nymphs , with shreekings , doe the region fill . Here first began their bane ; This day was ground Of all their ills : For now , nor rumours sound , Nor nice respect of state mooues DIDO ought ; Her loue , no longer now , by stealth is sought : Shee calls this wedlocke , and with that faire name Couers her fault . Forth-with the bruit , and fame , Through all the greatest Lybian townes , is gone ; Fame , a fleet euill , then which is swifter none : That mouing growes , and flying gathers strength ; Little at first , and fearefull ; but at length Shee dares attempt the skies , and stalking proud With feet on ground , her head doth pierce a cloud ! This child , our parent earth , stird vp with spight Of all the gods , brought forth ; and , as some wright , Shee was last sister of that Giant * * Coeus , Enceladus , &c. race , That thought to scale IOVES court ; right swift of pase , And swifter , far , of wing : a monster vast , And dreadfull . Looke , how many plumes are plac't On her huge corps , so many waking eyes Sticke vnderneath : and ( which may stranger rise In the report ) as many tongues shee beares , As many mouthes , as many listning eares . Nightly , in midst of all the heauen , shee flies , And through the earths darke shaddow , shreeking , cries ; Nor doe her eyes once bend , to taste sweet sleepe : By day , on tops of houses , shee doth keepe , Or on high towers ; and doth thence affright Cities , and townes of most conspicuous site . As couetous shee is of tales , and lies , As prodigall of truth : This monster , &c.
Act V. Scene III . LVPVS , TVCCA , CRISPINVS , DEMETRIVS , HISTRIO , LICTORS , CAESAR , VIRGIL , MECOENAS , GALLVS , TIBVLLVS , HORACE , EQVITES RO. COme , follow me , assist me , second me : where 's the Emperour ? EQVES 1. Sir , you must pardon vs . EQVES 2. CAESAR is priuate now , you may not enter . TVCC. Not enter ? Charge 'hem , vpon their allegeance , crop-shin . EQVES 1. We haue a charge to the contrary , sir . LVPV. I pronounce you all traytors , horrible traytors : What ? doe you know my affaires ? I haue matter of danger , and state , to impart to CAESAR . CAES. What noise is there ? who 's that names CAESAR ? LVPV.

A friend to CAESAR . One that for CAESARS good , would speake with CAESAR .

CAES.

Who is 't ? looke , CORNELIVS .

EQVES 1.

ASINIVS LVPVS .

CAES. O , bid the turbulent informer hence ; We haue no vacant eare , now , to receiue The vnseason'd fruits of his officious tongue . MECoe. You must auoid him there . LVPV.

I coniure thee , as thou art CAESAR , or respect'st thine owne safetie ; or the safetie of the state , CAESAR : Heare mee , speake with mee , CAESAR ; 't is no common businesse , I come about ; but such as , being neglected , may concerne the life of CAESAR .

CAES.

The life of CAESAR ? Let him enter . VIRGIL , keepe thy seat .

EQVITES .

Beare backe there : whither will you ? keepe backe .

TVCC.

By thy leaue good man vsher : mend thy perruke , so .

LVPV.

Lay hold on HORACE there ; and on MECOENAS , LICTORS . Romans , offer no reseue , vpon your allegeance : Reade , royall CAESAR ; I 'le tickle you , Satyre .

TVCC.

He will , humours , he will : He will squeeze you , Poet puckfist .

LVPV.

I 'le lop you off , for an vnprofitable branch , you satyricall varlet .

TVCC.

I , and EPAMINONDAS your patron , here , with his flaggon chaine ; Come , resigne : Though 't were your great grand-fathers , the law ha's made it mine now , sir . Looke to him , my party-colour'd rascalls ; looke to him .

CAES.

What is this , ASINIVS LVPVS ? I vnderstand it not .

LVPV.

Not vnderstand it ? A libell , CAESAR . A dangerous , seditious libell . A libell in picture .

CAES.

A libell ?

LVPV.

I , I found it in this HORACE his studie , in MECOENAS his house , here ; I challenge the penaltie of the lawes against 'hem .

TVCC.

I , and remember to begge their land betimes ; before some of these hungrie court-hounds sent it out .

CAES.

Shew it to HORACE : Aske him , if he know it .

LVPV.

Know it ? His hand is at it , CAESAR .

CAES.

Then 't is no libell .

HORA.

It is the imperfect body of an embleme , CAESAR , I began for MECOENAS .

LVPV. An embleme ? right : That 's greeke for a libell . Doe but marke , how confident he is . HORA. A iust man cannot feare , thou foolish Tribune ; Not , though the malice of traducing tongues , The open vastnesse of a tyrannes eare , The senselesse rigour of the wrested lawes , Or the red eyes of strain'd authoritie Should , in a point , meet all to take his life . His innocence is armour 'gainst all these . LVPV.

Innocence ? Ô , impudence ! Let mee see , let mee see . Is not here an Eagle ? And is not that Eagle meant by CAESAR ? ha ? Do's not CAESAR giue the eagle ? Answere me ; what saist thou ?

TVCC.

Hast thou any euasion , stinkard ?

LVPV.

Now hee 's turn'd dumbe . I 'le tickle you , Satyre .

HORA.

Pish . Ha , ha .

LVPV.

Dost thou pish me ? Giue me my long-sword .

HORA. With reuerence to great CAESAR , worthy Romans , Obserue but this ridiculous commenter : The soule to my deuice , was in this distich . Thus , oft , the base and rauenous multitude Suruiue , to share the spoiles of fortitude . Which in this body , I haue figur'd here , A VULTVRE — LVPV.

A Vulture ? I ; now , 't is a Vulture . O , abominable ! monstrous monstrous ! ha's not your Vulture a beake ? ha's it not legges ? and tallons ? and wings ? and feathers ?

TVCC.

Touch him , old Buskins .

HORA.

And therefore must it be an Eagle ?

MECoe.

Respect him not , good HORACE : Say your deuice .

HORA.

A VULTVRE , and a WOLFE —

LVPV.

A Wolfe ? good . That 's I ; I am the wolfe . My name 's LVPVS , I am meant by the wolfe . On , on , a Vulture , and a Wolfe —

HORA.

Preying vpon the carcasse of an ASSE —

LVPV. An Asse ? Good still : That 's I , too . I am the asse . You meane me by the asse — MECoe. 'Pray thee , leaue braying then . HORA.

If you will needes take it , I cannot with modestie giue it from you .

MECoe. But , by that beast , the old Aegyptians Were wont to figure in their hieroglyphicks , Patience , frugalitie , and fortitude ; For none of which , we can suspect you , Tribune . CAES. Who was it , LVPVS , that inform'd you first , This should be meant by vs ? or was 't your comment ? LVPV. No , CAESAR : A player gaue mee the first light of it , indeede . TVCC. I , an honest sycophant-like slaue , and a politician , besides . CAES. Where is that player ? TVCC. He is without , here . CAES. Call him in . TVCC. Call in the player , there : Master AESOPE , call him . EQVITES .

Player ? where is the player ? Beare backe : None , but the player , enter .

TVCC.

Yes : this gent'man , and his Achates must .

CRIS.

'Pray you , master vsher ; wee 'll stand close , here .

TVCC.

'T is a gent'man of qualitie , this ; though he be somewhat out of clothes , I tell yee . Come AESOPE : hast a bay-leafe i' thy mouth ? Well said , be not out , stinkard . Thou shalt haue a monopoly of playing , confirm'd to thee and thy couey , vnder the Emperours broad seale , for this seruice .

CAES.

Is this hee ?

LVPV.

I , CAESAR : this is hee .

CAES. Let him be whipt . LICTORS , goe take him hence . And LVPVS , for your fierce credulitie , One fit him with a paire of larger eares : 'T is CAESARS doome , and must not be reuok't . We hate , to haue our court , and peace disturb'd With these quotidian clamours . See it done . LVPV. CAESAR . CAES. Gag him , we may haue his silence . VIRG. CAESAR hath done like CAESAR . Faire , and iust Is his award , against these brainelesse creatures . 'T is not the wholesome sharpe moralitie , Or modest anger of a satyricke spirit , That hurts , or wounds the bodie of a state ; But the sinister application Of the malicious , ignorant , and base Interpreter : who will distort , and straine The generall scope and purpose of an authour , To his particular , and priuate spleene . CAES. We know it , our deare VIRGIL , and esteeme it A most dishonest practice , in that man , Will seeme too wittie in anothers worke . This while the rest whisper Casar . What would CORNELIVS GALLVS , and TIBVLLVS ? TVCC.

Nay , but as thou art a man , do'st heare ? a man of worship ; and honourable : Holde , here , take thy chaine againe . Resume , mad MECoeNAS . What ? do'st thou thinke , I meant t' haue kept it , bold boy ? No ; I did it but to fright thee , I , to try how thou would'st take it . What ? will I turne sharke , vpon my friends ? or my friends friends ? I scorne it with my three soules . Come , I loue bully HORACE , as well as thou do'st , I : 't is an honest hieroglyphick . Giue mee thy wrist , Helicon . Do'st thou thinke , I 'le second e're a rhinoceros of them all , against thee ? ha ? or thy noble Hippocrene , here ? I 'le turne stager first , and be whipt too : do'st thou see , bully ?

CAES. You haue your will of CAESAR : vse it Romanes . VIRGIL shall be your Praetor ; and our selfe Will here sit by , spectator of your sports ; And thinke it no impeach of royaltie . Our eare is now too much prophan'd ( graue MARO ) With these distastes , to take thy sacred lines : Put vp thy booke , till both the time and wee Be fitted with more hallowed circumstance For the receiuing so diuine a worke . Proceede with your desseigne . MECoe. GALL. TIBV. Thankes , to great CAESAR . GALL.

TIBVLLVS , draw you the inditement then , whil'st HORACE arrests them , on the statute of Calumny : MECOENAS , and I , will take our places here . Lictors , assist him .

HORA.

I am the worst accuser , vnder heauen .

GALL.

Tut , you must do 't : 'T will be noble mirth .

HORA.

I take no knowledge , that they doe maligne me .

TIBV.

I , but the world takes knowledge .

HORA. 'Would the world knew , How heartily I wish , a foole should hate me . TVCC.

Body of IVPITER ! What ? Will they arraigne my briske POETASTER , and his poore iourney-man , ha ? Would I were abroad skeldring for a drachme , so I were out of this labyrinth againe : I doe feele my selfe turne stinkard , already . But I must set the best face I haue , vpon 't now : well said , my diuine , deft HORACE , bring the whorson detracting slaues to the barre , doe . Make 'hem hold vp their spread golls : I 'le giue in euidence for thee , if thou wilt . Take courage , CRISPINVS , would thy man had a cleane band .

CRIS.

What must we doe , Captaine ?

TVCC.

Thou shalt see anon : Doe not make diuision with thy legs , so .

CAES.

What 's he , HORACE ?

HORA.

I only know him for a motion , CAESAR .

TVCC.

I am one of thy Commanders , CAESAR ; A man of seruice , and action ; My name is PANTILIVS TVCCA : I haue seru'd i' thy warres against MARK ANTONY , I .

CAES.

Doe you know him , CORNELIVS ?

GALL.

Hee 's one , that hath had the mustring , or conuoy of a companie , now , and then : I neuer noted him by any other imployment .

CAES.

We will obserue him better .

TIBV.

LICTOR , proclaime silence , in the court .

LICT.

In the name of CAESAR , silence .

TIBV.

Let the parties , the accuser , and the accused , present themselues .

LICT.

The accuser , and the accused ; present your selues in court .

CRIS. DEMETRIVS .

Here .

VIRG.

Reade the inditement .

TIBV.

RVFVS LABERIVS CRISPINVS , and DEMETRIVS FANIVS , hold vp your hands . You are , before this time , ioyntly and seuerally indited , and here presently to be arraigned , vpon the Statute of Calumny , or Lex Remmia ( The one by the name of RVFVS LABERIVS CRISPINVS , aliàs CRISPINAS , Poetaster , and plagiary : the other , by the name of DEMETRIVS FANNIVS , play-dresser , and plagiary ) That you ( not hauing the feare of PHOEBVS , or his shafts , before your eyes ) contrary to the peace of our liege lord , AVGVSTVS CAESAR , his crowne and dignitie , and against the forme of a Statute , in that case made , and prouided ; haue most ignorantly , foolishly , and ( more like your selues ) maliciously , gone about to depraue , and calumniate the person and writings of QVINTVS HORACIVS FLACCVS , here present , poet , and priest to the Muses : and to that end haue mutually conspir'd , and plotted , at sundry times , as by seuerall meanes , and in sundry places , for the better accomplishing your base and enuious purpose ; taxing him , falsly , of selfe-loue , arrogancy , impudence , rayling , filching by translation , &c. Of all which calumnies , and euery of them , in manner and forme aforesaid , what answere you ? Are you guiltie , or not guiltie ?

TVCC.

Not guiltie , say .

CRIS. DEMET.

Not guiltie .

TIBV.

How will you be tryed ?

TVCC.

By the Romane Gods , and the noblest Romanes .

CRIS. DEMET.

By the Romane Gods , and the noblest Romanes .

VIRG. Here sits MECOENAS , and CORNELIVS GALLVS : Are you contented to be tryed by these ? TVCC.

I , so the noble Captaine may bee ioyn'd with them in commission , say .

CRIS. DEMET.

I , so the noble Captaine may bee ioyn'd with them in commission .

VIRG.

What sayes the plaintife ?

HORA.

I am content .

VIRG.

Captaine , then take your place .

TVCC.

Alas , my worshipfull Praetor ! 't is more of thy gent'nesse , then of my deseruing , I wusse . But , since it hath pleas'd the court to make choice of my wisdome , and grauitie , come , my calumnious varlets : Let 's heare you talke for your selues , now , an houre or two . What can you say ? Make a noise . Act , act .

VIRG. Stay , turne , and take an oath first . You shall sweare , By thunder-darting IOVE , the King of gods , And by the Genius of AVGVSTVS CAESAR ; By your owne white , and vncorrupted soules ; And the deepe reuerence of our Romane iustice ; To iudge this case , with truth and equitie : As bound by your religion , and your lawes . Now reade the euidence : But first demand Of either prisoner , if that writ be theirs . TIBV. Shew this vnto CRISPINVS . Is it yours ? TVCC.

Say I : what ? dost thou stand vpon it , pimpe ? Doe not denie thine owne MINERVA , thy PALLAS , the issue of thy braine .

CRIS.

Yes , it is mine .

TIBV.

Shew that vnto DEMETRIVS . Is it yours ?

DEME.

It is .

TVCC.

There 's a father , will not denie his owne bastard , now , I warrant thee .

VIRG.

Reade them aloud .

TIBV. Rampe vp , my genius ; be not retrograde : But boldly nominate a spade , a spade . What , shall thy lubricall and glibberie Muse Liue , as shee were defunct , like punke in stewes ? ( Tvcc. Excellent ! ) Alas ! That were no moderne consequence , To haue cothurnall buskins frighted hence . No , teach thy incubus to poetize ; And throw abroad thy spurious snotteries , Vpon that puft-vp lumpe of barmy froth , ( TVCCA . Ah , ha ! ) Or clumsie chil-blain'd indgement : that , with oath , Magnificates his merit ; and bespawles The conscious time , with humorous fome , and brawles , As if his organons of sense would crack The sinewes of my patience . Breake his back , O Poets all , and some : For now we list Of strenuous venge-ance to clutch the fist . Subscri . CRIS. TVCC. I mary , this was written like a HERCVLES in poetrie , now . CAES. Excellently well threatned ! VIRG. I , and as strangely worded , CAESAR . CAES.

We obserue it .

VIRG.

The other , now .

TVCC. This 's a fellow of a good prodigall tongue too , this 'll doe wel . TIBV. Our Muse is in mind for th' vntrussing a poet , I slip by his name ; for most men doe know it : A critick , that all the world bescumbers With satyricall humours , and lyricall numbers . ( TVCC. Art thou there , boy ? ) And for the most part , himselfe doth aduance With much selfe-loue , and more arrogance . ( TVCC. Good againe . ) And ( but that I would not be thought a prater ) I could tell you , he were a translater . I know the authors from whence he ha's stole , And could trace him too , but that I vnderstand 'hem not full and whole . ( TVCC. That line is broke loose from all his fellowes : chaine him vp shorter , doe . ) The best note I can giue you to know him by , Is , that he keepes gallants company ; Whom I would wish , in time should him feare , Lest after they buy repentance too deare . Subscri . DEME. FAN . TVCC. Well said . This carries palme with it . HORA. And why , thou motly gull ? why should they feare ? When hast thou knowne vs wrong , or taxe a friend ? I dare malice , to betray it . Speake . Now thou curl'st vp , thou poore , and nasty snake , And shrink'st thy poys'nous head into thy bosome : Out viper , thou that eat'st thy parents , hence . Rather , such speckled creatures , as thy selfe , Should be eschew'd , and shund : such , as will bite And gnaw their absent friends , not cure their fame , Catch at the loosest laughters , and affect To be thought iesters , such , as can deuise Things neuer seene , or heard , t' impaire mens names , And gratifie their credulous aduersaries , Will carrie tales , doe basest offices , Cherish diuided fires , and still increase New flames , out of old embers , will reueale Each secret that 's committed to their trust , These be black slaues : Romans , take heed of these . TVCC. Thou twang'st right , little HORACE , they be indeed : A couple of chap-falne curres . Come , We of the bench , Let 's rise to the vrne , and condemne 'hem , quickly . VIRG. Before you goe together ( worthy Romans ) We are to tender our opinion ; And giue you those instructions , that may adde Vnto your euen iudgement in the cause : Which thus we doe commence . First you must know That where there is a true and perfect merit , There can bee no deiection ; and the scorne Of humble basenesse , oftentimes , so workes In a high soule vpon the grosser spirit , That to his bleared , and offended sense , There seemes a hideous fault blaz'd in the obiect ; When only the disease in his eyes . Here-hence it comes , our HORACE now stands taxt Of impudence , selfe-loue , and arrogance , By these , who share no merit in themselues ; And therefore , thinke his portion is as small . For they , from their owne guilt , assure their soules , If they should confidently praise their workes , In them it would appeare inflation : Which , in a full , and wel-digested man , Cannot receiue that foule abusiue name , But the faire title of erection . And , for his true vse of translating men , It still hath bin a worke of as much palme In cleerest iudgements , as t' inuent , or make . His sharpenesse , that is most excusable ; As being forc't out of a suffering vertue , Oppressed with the licence of the time : And howsoeuer fooles , or ierking pedants , Players , or such like buffon , barking wits , May with their beggerly , and barren trash , Tickle base vulgar eares , in their despight ; This ( like IOVES thunder ) shall their pride controule , " The honest Satyre hath the happiest soule . Now , Romans , you haue heard our thoughts , With-draw , when you please . TIBV. Remoue the accused from the barre . TVCC.

Who holds the vrne to vs ? ha ? Feare nothing : I 'le quit you , mine honest pittifull stinkards . I 'le do 't .

CRIS.

Captaine , you shall eternally girt me to you , as I am generous .

TVCC.

Goe to .

CAES.

TIBVLLVS , let there be a case of vizards priuately prouided : we haue found a subiect to bestow them on .

TIBV.

It shall be done , CAESAR .

CAES.

Here be wordes , HORACE , able to bastinado a mans eares .

HORA. I . Please it great CAESAR , I haue pills about me ( Mixt with the whitest kind of ellebore ) Would giue him a light vomit ; that should purge His braine , and stomack of those tumorous heates : Might I haue leaue to minister vnto him . CAES. O! be his AESCVLAPIVS , gentle HORACE ; You shall haue leaue , and he shall be your patient . VIRGIL , vse your authoritie , command him forth . VIRG. CAESAR is carefull of your health , CRISPINVS ; And hath himselfe chose a physitian To minister vnto you : take his pills . HORA. They are somewhat bitter , sir , but very wholsome ; Take yet another , so : Stand by , they 'll worke anon . TIBV.

Romans , returne to your seuerall seates : Lictors , bring forward the vrne ; and set the accused at the barre .

TVCC.

Quickly , you whorson egregious varlets ; Come forward . What ? shall we sit all day vpon you ? you make no more haste , now , then a begger vpon pattins : or a physitian to a patient that has no money , you pilchers .

TIBV.

RVFVS LABERIVS CRISPINVS , and DEMETRIVS FANNIVS , hold vp your hands . You haue ( according to the Roman custome ) put your selues vpon triall to the vrne , for diuers and sundrie calumnies , whereof , you haue before this time beene indited , and are now presently arraigned : Prepare your selues to harken to the verdict of your Tryers . CAIVS CILNIVS MECOENAS pronounceth you , by this hand-writing , Guiltie . CORNELIVS GALLVS , Guiltie . PANTILIVS TVCCA —

TVCC.

Parcell-guiltie , I .

DEME. He meanes himselfe for it was he indeed , Suborn'd vs to the calumnie . TVCC. I , you whorson cantharides ? was 't I ? DEME. I appeale to your conscience , Captaine . TIBV. Then , you confesse it , now . DEME. I doe , and craue the mercy of the court . TIBV. What saith CRISPINVS ? CRIS. O , the Captaine , the Captaine — HORA. My physicke begins to worke with my patient , I see . VIRG. Captaine , stand forth and answere . TVCC. Hold thy peace , Poet Praetor : I appeale from thee , to CAESAR , I . Doe me right , royall CAESAR . CAES. Mary , and I will , sir . Lictors , gag him : doe . And put a case of vizards o're his head , That he may looke bi-fronted , as he speakes . TVCC.

Gods , and fiends ! CAESAR ! thou wilt not , CAESAR ? wilt thou ? Away , you whorson vultures ; away . You thinke I am a dead corps now , because CAESAR is dispos'd to iest with a man of marke , or so . Hold your hook't talons out of my flesh , you inhumane Harpies . Goe to , do 't . What ? will the royall AVGVSTVS cast away a gent'man of worship , a Captaine , and a Commander , for a couple of condemn'd caitiue calumnious Cargo's ?

CAES.

Dispatch , Lictors .

TVCC.

CAESAR .

CAES.

Forward , TIBVLLVS .

VIRG.

Demand , what cause they had to maligne HORACE .

DEME.

In troth , no great cause , not I ; I must confesse : but that hee kept better company ( for the most part ) then I : and that better men lou'd him , then lou'd me : and that his writings thriu'd better then mine , and were better lik't , and grac't : nothing else .

VIRG.

Thus , enuious soules repine at others good .

HORA. If this be all ; faith , I forgiue thee freely . Enuy me still , so long as VIRGIL loues me , GALLVS , TIBVLLVS , and the best-best CAESAR , My deare MECOENAS : while these , with many more ( Whose names I wisely slip ) shall thinke me worthy Their honour'd , and ador'd societie , And reade , and loue , proue , and applaud my poemes ; I would not wish but such as you should spight them . CRIS. O — TIBV. How now , CRISPINVS ? CRIS. O , I am sicke — HORA. A bason , a bason , quickly ; our physick works . Faint not , man . CRIS. O — retrograde — reciprocal — Incubus . CAES. What 's that , HORACE ? HORA. Retrograde , and reciprocall Incubus are come vp . GALL. Thankes be to IVPITER . CRIS. O — glibbery — lubricall — defunct — Ô — HORA. Well said : here 's some store . VIRG. What are they ? HORA. Glibbery , lubricall , and defunct . GALL. O , they came vp easie . CRIS. O — Ô — TIBV. What 's that ? HORA. Nothing , yet . CRIS. Magnificate . MECoe. Magnificate ? that came vp somewhat hard . HORA. I . What cheere , CRISPINVS ? CRIS. O , I shall cast vp my — spurious — snotteries — HORA. Good . Againe . CRIS. Chilblaind — Ô — Ô — clumsie HORA. That clumsie stucke terribly . MECoe. What 's all that , HORACE ? HORA. Spurious snotteries , chilblain'd , clumsie . TIBV. O IVPITER ! GALL. Who would haue thought , there should ha' beene such a deale of filth in a poet ? CRIS. O — barmy froth — CAES. What 's that ? CRIS. — Puffy — inflate — turgidous — ventositous . HORA. Barmy froth , puffy , inflate , turgidous , and ventositous are come vp . TIBV. O , terrible , windie wordes ! GALL. A signe of a windie braine . CRIS. O — oblatrant — furibund — fatuate — strenuous — HORA. Here 's a deale : oblatrant , furibund , fatuate , strenuous . CAES. Now , all 's come vp , I trow . What a tumult hee had in his belly ! HORA. No : there 's the often conscious dampe behind , still . CRIS. O — conscious — dampe . HORA. It 's come vp , thankes to APOLLO , and AESCVLAPIVS : Yet , there 's another ; you were best take a pill more ? CRIS. O , no : Ô — Ô — Ô — Ô. HORA. Force your selfe then , a little with your finger . CRIS. O — Ô — prorumped . TIBV. Prorumped ? What a noise it made ! as if his spirit would haue prorumpt with it . CRIS. O — Ô — Ô. VIRG. Helpe him : it stickes strangely , what euer it is . CRIS. O — clutcht . HORA. Now it 's come : clutcht . CAES. Clutcht ? It 's well , that 's come vp ! It had but a narrow passage . CRIS. O — VIRG. Againe , hold him : hold his head there . CRIS. Snarling gusts — quaking custard . HORA. How now , CRISPINVS ? CRIS. O — obstupefact . TIBV. Nay : that are all we , I assure you . HORA. How doe you feele your selfe ? CRIS. Pretty , and well , I thanke you . VIRG. These pills can but restore him for a time ; Not cure him quite of such a maladie , Caught by so many surfets ; which haue fill'd His bloud , and braine , thus full of crudities : 'T is necessary , therefore , he obserue A strict and holsome dyet . Looke , you take Each morning , of old CATOES principles A good draught , next your heart ; that walke vpon , Till it be well digested : Then come home , And taste a piece of TERENCE , sucke his phrase In stead of lycorice ; and , at any hand , Shun PLAVTVS , and old ENNIVS , they are meates Too harsh for a weake stomacke . Vse to reade ( But not without a tutor ) the best Greekes : As ORPHEVS , MVSAEVS , PINDARVS , HESIOD , CALLIMACHVS , and THEOCRITE , High HOMER , but beware of LYCOPHRON : He is too darke , and dangerous a dish . You must not hunt for wild , out-landish termes , To stuffe out a peculiar dialect ; But let your matter runne before your words : And if , at any time , you chaunce to meet Some Gallo-belgick phrase , you shall not straight Racke your poore verse to giue it entertainement ; But let it passe : and doe not thinke your selfe Much damnified , if you doe leaue it out ; When , nor your vnderstanding , nor the sense Could well receiue it . This faire abstinence , In time , will render you more sound , and cleere ; And this haue I prescrib'd to you , in place Of a strict sentence : which till he performe , Attire him in that robe . And hence-forth , learne To beare your selfe more humbly ; not to swell , Or breathe your insolent , and idle spight , On him , whose laughter , can your worst affright . TIBV. Take him away . CRIS . IVPITER guard CAE VIRG. And , for a weeke , or two , see him lockt vp In some darke place , remoou'd from companie : He will talke idly else after his physicke . Now , to you , sir . Th' extremitie of law Awards you to be branded in the front , For this your calumny ; But , since it pleaseth HORACE ( the partie wrong'd ) t' intreat , of CAESAR , A mitigation of that iuster doome ; With CAESARS tongue , thus we pronounce your sentence . DEMETRIVS FANNIVS , thou shalt here put on That coate , and cap ; and henceforth , thinke thy selfe No other , then they make thee : vow to weare them In euery faire , and generous assembly , Till the best sort of minds shall take to knowledge As well thy satisfaction , as thy wrongs . HORA. Only ( graue Praetor ) here , in open court , I craue the oath , for good behauiour , May be administred vnto them both . VIRG.

HORACE , it shall : TIBVLLVS , giue it them .

TIBV.

RVFVS LABERIVS CRISPINVS , and DEMETRIVS FANNIVS , Lay your hands on your hearts . You shall here solemnely attest , and sweare ; That neuer ( after this instant ) either , at Booke-sellers stalls , in tauernes , two-penny roomes , 'tyring-houses , noble-mens buttries , puisne's chambers ( the best , and farthest places , where you are admitted to come ) you shall once offer , or dare ( thereby to endeare your selfe the more to any player , enghle , or guiltie gull , in your companie ) to maligne , traduce , or detract the person , or writings of QVINTVS HORACIVS FLACCVS ; or any other eminent man , transcending you in merit , whom your enuy shall find cause to worke vpon , either , for that , or for keeping himselfe in better acquaintance , or enioying better friends : Or if ( transported by any sodaine and desperate resolution ) you doe ; That then , you shall not vnder the bastoun , or in the next presence , being an honorable assembly of his fauourers , bee brought as voluntary gent. to vndertake the for-swearing of it . Neither shall you at any time ( ambitiously , affecting the title of the vntrussers , or whippers of the age ) suffer the itch of writing to ouer-run your performance in libell ; vpon paine of being taken vp for lepers in wit , and ( losing both your time , and your papers ) bee irrecouerably forfeited to the hospitall of Fooles . So helpe you our Roman gods , and the Genius of great CAESAR .

VIRG. So : now dissolue the court . HORA. TIBV. GALL. MECOE. VIRG. And thankes to CAESAR , That thus hath exercis'd his patience . CAES. We haue , indeed , you worthiest friends of CAESAR . It is the bane , and torment of our eares , To heare the discords of those iangling rimers , That , with their bad and scandalous practices , Bring all true arts , and learning in contempt . But let not your high thoughts descend so low , As these despised obiects ; Let them fall , With their flat groueling soules : Be you your selues . And as with our best fauours you stand crown'd : So let your mutuall loues be still renown'd . Enuy will dwell , where there is want of merit , Though the deseruing man should cracke his spirit . SONG . BLush , folly , blush : here 's none that feares The wagging of an asses eares , Although a wooluish case he weares . Detraction is but basenesse varlet ; And apes are apes , though cloth'd in scarlet .
THE END Rumpatur , quisquis rumpitur inuidia .
TO THE READER .

IF , by looking on what is past , thou hast deseru'd that name , I am willing thou should'st yet know more , by that which followes ; an apologeticall Dialogue : which was only once spoken vpon the stage , and all the answere I euer gaue , to sundry impotent libells then cast out ( and some yet remayning ) against me , and this Play . Wherein I take no pleasure to reuiue the times , but that Posteritie may make a difference , betweene their manners that prouok'd me then , and mine that neglected them euer . For , in these strifes , and on such persons , were as wretched to affect a victorie , as it is vnhappy to be committed with them . Non annorum canicies est laudanda , sed morum .

The Persons . NASVTVS , POLYPOSVS , AVTHOR . I Pray you let 's goe see him , how he lookes After these libells . POLY. O , vex'd , vex'd , I warrant you . NASV. Doe you thinke so ? I should be sorry for him , If I found that . POLY. O , they are such bitter things , He cannot choose . NAS. But , is he guilty of 'hem ? POL. Fuh ! that 's no matter . NAS. No ? POL. No . Here 's his lodging ; Wee 'll steale vpon him : or , let 's listen , stay . He has a humor oft t' talke t' himselfe . NAS. They are your manners lead me , not mine owne . AVT. The Fates haue not spun him the coursest thred That ( free from knots of perturbation ) Doth yet so liue , although but to himselfe , As he can safely scorne the tongues of slaues ; And neglect Fortune , more then she can him . It is the happiest thing , this not to be Within the reach of malice ; It prouides A man so well , to laugh of iniuries : And neuer sends him farder for his vengeance Then the vex'd bosome of his enemy . I , now , but thinke , how poore their spight sets off , Who , after all their waste of sulphurous tearmes , And burst-out thunder of their charged mouthes , Haue nothing left , but the vnsau'ry smoake Of their blacke vomit , to vpbrayd themselues : Whilst I , at whom they shot , sit here shot-free , And as vn-hurt of enuy , as vnhit . POL. I , but the Multitude , they thinke not so , sir , They thinke you hit , and hurt : and dare giue out Your silence argues it , in not reioyning To this , or that late libell ? AVT. 'Lasse , good rout ! I can affoord them leaue , to erre so still : And , like the barking students of Beares-Colledge , To swallow vp the garbadge of the time With greedy gullets , whilst my selfe sit by Pleas'd , and yet tortur'd , with their beastly feeding . 'T is a sweet madnesse runnes along with them , To thinke , all that are aym'd at , still are strooke : Then , where the shaft still lights , make that the marke , And so , each feare , or feauer-shaken foole May challenge TEVCERS hand in archery . Good troth , if I knew any man so vile , To act the crimes , these whippers reprehend , Or what their seruile apes gesticulate , I should not then much muse , their shreds were lik'd ; Since ill men haue a lust t' heare others sinnes , And good men haue a zeale to heare sinne sham'd . But when it is all excrement , they vent , Base filth , and offall : or thefts , notable As Ocean pyracies , or high-way stands : And not a crime there tax'd , but is their owne , Or what their owne foule thoughts suggested to them , And , that in all their heat of taxing others , Not one of them , but liues himselfe ( if knowne ) Improbior satyram scribente cinaedo . What should I say , more ? then turne stone with wonder ! NAS. I neuer saw this play bred all this tumult . What was there in it could so deeply offend ? And stirre so many hornets ? AVT. Shall I tell you ? NAS. Yes , and ingenuously . AVT. Then , by the hope , Which I preferre vnto all other obiects , I can professe , I neuer writ that peece More innocent , or empty of offence . Some salt it had , but neyther tooth , nor gall , Nor was there in it any circumstance , Which , in the setting downe , I could suspect Might be peruerted by an enemies tongue . Onely , it had the fault to be call'd mine . That was the crime . POL. No ? why they , say you tax'd The Law , and Lawyers ; Captaines ; and the Players By their particular names . AVT. It is not so . I vs'd no name . My Bookes haue still beene taught To spare the persons , and to speake the vices . These are meere slanders , and enforc'd by such As haue no safer wayes to mens disgraces , But their owne lyes , and losse of honesty . Fellowes of practis'd , and most laxatiue tongues , Whose empty and eager bellies , i' the yeere , Compell their braynes to many desp'rate shifts , ( I spare to name 'hem : for , their wretchednesse , Fury it selfe would pardon . ) These , or such Whether of malice , or of ignorance , Or itch , t' haue me their aduersary ( I know not ) Or all these mixt ; but sure I am , three yeeres , They did prouoke me with their petulant stiles On euery stage : And I at last , vnwilling , But weary , I confesse , of so much trouble , Thought , I would try , if shame could winne vpon 'hem . And therefore chose AVGVSTVS CAESARS times , When wit , and artes were at their height in Rome , To shew that VIRGIL , HORACE , and the rest Of those great master-spirits did not want Detractors , then , or practisers against them : And by this line ( although no paralel ) I hop'd at last they would sit downe , and blush . But nothing could I finde more contrary . And though the impudence of flyes be great , Yet this hath so prouok'd the angry waspes , Or as you sayd , of the next nest , the hornets ; That they fly buzzing , mad , about my nostrills : And like so many screaming grasse-hoppers , Held by the wings , fill euery eare with noyse . And what ? those former calumnies you mention'd . First , of the Law . Indeed , I brought in OVID , Chid by his angry father , for neglecting The study of their lawes , for poetry : And I am warranted by his owne words . Sape pater dixit , Trist. lib. 4. Eleg. 10. studium quid invtile tentas ? Maeonides nullas ipse reliquit opes . And in farre harsher termes elsewhere , as these : Non me verbosas leges ediscere , Amo. lib. 1. Eleg. 15. non me Ingrato voces prostituisse foro . But how this should relate , vnto our lawes , Or their iust ministers , with least abuse , I reuerence both too much , to vnderstand ! Then , for the Captaine ; I will onely speake An Epigramme I here haue made : It is Vnto true Souldiers . That 's the lemma . Marke it . Strength of my Countrey , whilst I bring to view Such as are misse-call'd Captaines , and wrong you , And your high names ; I doe desire , that thence , Be nor put on you , nor you take offence : I sweare by your true friend , my Muse , I loue Your great profession , which I once did proue ; And did not shame it with my actions , then , No more then I dare , now , doe with my pen . He that not trusts me , hauing vow'd thus much , But 's angry for the Captaine , still , is such . Now , for the Players , it is true , I tax'd 'hem , And yet , but some ; and those so sparingly , As all the rest might haue sate still , vnquestion'd , Had they but had the wit , or conscience , To thinke well of themselues . But , impotent they Thought each mans vice belong'd to their whole tribe : And much good doo 't 'hem . What th' haue done 'gainst me , I am not mou'd with . If it gaue 'hem meat , Or got 'hem clothes . 'T is well . That was their end . Onely amongst them , I am sorry for Some better natures , by the rest so drawne , To run in that vile line . POL. And is this all ? Will you not answere then the libells ? AVT. No. . POL. Nor the vntrussers ? AVT. Neither . POL. Y' are vndone then . AV. With whom ? POL. The world . AV. The baud : Po. It wil be taken To be stupidity , or tamenesse in you . AVT. But , they that haue incens'd me , can in soule Acquit me of that guilt . They know , I dare To spurne , or baffull 'hem ; or squirt their eyes With inke , or vrine : or I could doe worse , Arm'd with ARCHILOCHVS fury , write Iambicks , Should make the desperate lashers hang themselues . Rime 'hem to death , as they doe Irish rats In drumming tunes . Or , liuing , I could stampe Their foreheads with those deepe , and publike brands That the whole company of Barber-Surgeons Should not take off , with all their art , and playsters . And these my prints should last , still to be read In their pale fronts : when , what they write 'gainst me , Shall like a figure , drawne in water , fleete , And the poore wretched papers be employed To cloth tabacco , or some cheaper drug . This I could doe , and make them infamous . But , to what end ? when their owne deedes haue mark'd 'hem , And , that I know , within his guilty brest Each slanderer beares a whip , that shall torment him , Worse , then a million of these temporall plagues : Which to pursue , were but a feminine humour , And , farre beneath the dignitie of a man . NAS. 'T is true : for to reuenge their iniuries , Were to confesse you felt 'hem . Let 'hem goe , And vse the treasure of the foole , their tongues , Who makes his gayne , by speaking worst , of best . POL. O , but they lay particular imputations — AVT. As what ? PO. That all your writing , is meere rayling . AVT. Ha! If all the salt in the old comoedy Should be so censur'd , or the sharper wit Of the bold satyre , termed scolding rage , What age could then compare with those , for buffons ? What should be sayd of ARISTOPHANES ? PERSIVS ? or IUVENAL ? whose names we now So glorifie in schooles , at least pretend it . Ha' they no other ? POL. Yes : they say you are slow , And scarse bring forth a play a yeere . AVT. 'T is true . I would , they could not say that I did that , There 's all the ioy that I take i' their trade , Vnlesse such Scribes as they might be proscrib'd Th' abused theaters . They would thinke it strange , now , A man should take but colts-foote , for one day , And , betweene whiles , spit out a better poeme Then e're the master of art , or giuer of wit , Their belly made . Yet , this is possible , If a free minde had but the patience , To thinke so much , together , and so vile . But , that these base , and beggerly conceipts Should carry it , by the multitude of voices , Against the most abstracted worke , oppos'd To the stuff'd nostrills of the drunken rout ! O , this would make a learn'd , and liberall soule , To riue his stayned quill , vp to the back , And damne his long-watch'd labours to the fire ; Things , that were borne , when none but the still night , And his dumbe candle saw his pinching throes : Were not his owne free merit a more crowne Vnto his trauailes , then their reeling claps . This 't is , that strikes me silent , seales my lips , And apts me , rather to sleepe out my time , Then I would waste it in contemned strifes , With these vile Ibides , these vncleane birds , That make their mouthes their clysters , and still purge From their hot entrailes . But , I leaue the monsters To their owne fate . And , since the Comick MVSE Hath prou'd so ominous to me , I will trie If Tragoedie haue a more kind aspect . Her fauours in my next I will pursue , Where , if I proue the pleasure but of one , So he iudicious be ; He shall b' alone A Theatre vnto me : Once , I 'le say , To strike the eare of time , in those fresh straines , As shall , beside the cunning of their ground , Giue cause to some of wonder , some despight , And vnto more , despaire , to imitate their sound . I , that spend halfe my nights , and all my dayes , Here in a cell , to get a darke , pale face , To come forth worth the iuy , or the bayes , And in this age can hope no other grace — Leaue me . There 's something come into my thought , That must , and shall be sung , high , and aloofe , Safe from the wolues black iaw , and the dull asses hoofe . NASV. I reuerence these raptures , and obey 'hem .

This Comicall Satyre was first acted , in the yeere 1601 .

By the then Children of Queene ELIZABETHS Chappell .

The principall Comoedians were , NAT. FIELD . SAL. PAVY. THO. DAY . IOH. VNDERWOOD . WILL . OSTLER . THO. MARTON .

With the allowance of the Master of REVELLS .

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Peruer● these would helpe me ; they could wrest , Peruert , and poyson all they heare , or see , With L●b Ouid Lib . 1. Amo. Ele . 15. ●ame cause ? Thy scope is mortall ; mine eternall fame : Which through the world shall euer chaunt SIMO●S stands , and IDE , Or , to the sea , sleet SIMOIS doth slide : And so shall HESIOD too , while angure eares damm'd vp to good counsell . I did augure all this to him afore-hand , without poring chen rill Besides , when it shall be in the power of thy cheu'rill conscience , to doe right , or wrong , at a dultrate or from the abuse Of thy great powers in adultrate braines : When , would men learne but to peenishnesse her delicates would cloy me , Neither her peeuishnesse annoy me . AL● ALL . ●●ne that would haue fine ghests , let him haue a fine wife ; he that would haue a fine wife , ysaith then ieweller , looke to your best iewell yfaith . ●ome street now , more then of halfe the streets of some , againe ; 'tis so polite , and terse ! ●it this : O your city-ladies , you shall ha'hem sit in euery shop like the Muses — offring you c●s●●lian euery shop like the Muses — offring you the castalian dewes , and the thespian liquors , to as ●●are No , sir ( but I am in some feare , I must , now . ) Iowe Hart , I owe him money for sweet meates , and hee ●rne cunning woman , one SABELLA sung , When in her vrne , she cast my destinie , I being but a child o●t but melancholy . Fore IOVE , now I thinke ont , I am to appeare in court here , to answere Land-R●mora 'Death , I am seaz'd on here By a Land-Remora , I cannot stirre ; Not moue , but as he lo●●●m fough : out of my nostrils , thou stink'st of lotium , and the syringe : away , quack-saluer perstemptuous ? doe you laugh , Owleglas ? death , you persemptuous varlet , I am none of your fellowes : I ●oe matter : giue him what thou hast : Stiffe toe , I'le giue my word for the rest : though ●esterces stager : put twentie into his hand , twentie , sesterces , I meane , and let no bodie see : goe , saw●y him warning , admonition , to forsake his sawcy glauering grace , and his goggle eie : it 〈◊〉 The boy comes in on Minos shoulders , who 〈◊〉 , as he alls . PHoe●VS and be tir'd on , by yond' vulture ? No : PHOEBVS defend me . M●RCVRY Goddesses , take your seuerall seates . Now , MERCVRY , moue your caduceus , and in IVPITERS name sine Well said , my fine Phrygian frie , informe , informe . Giue S●YX GANYMEDE , wee will cudgell thee , IVNO : by STYX , we will . cotburnall That were no moderne consequence , To haue cothurnall buskins frighted hence . No , teach thy be scumbers know it : A critick , that all the world bescumbers With satyricall humours , and lyricall numbers ●arken presently arraigned : Prepare your selues to harken to the verdict of your Tryers . CAIVS CILNIVS sinde sit downe , and blush . But nothing could I finde more contrary . And though the impudence baud● The baud: : ba●full guilt . They know , I dare To spurne , or baffull 'hem ; or squirt their eyes With inke , buffo●s What age could then compare with those , for buffons ? VVhat should be sayd of ARISTOPHANES ?