The Alchemist

The Alchemist . THE ARGVMENT . The sicknesse hot , a master quit , for feare , His house in towne : and left one seruant there . Ease him corrupted , and gaue meanes to know A cheater , and his punque ; who , now brought low , Leauing their narrow practise , were become Cos'ners at large : and , onely wanting some House to set vp , with him they here contract , Each for a share , and all begin to act . Much company they draw , and much abuse , In casting figures , telling fortunes , newes , Selling of flyes , flat bawdry , with the stone : Till it , and they , and all in fume are gone .

PROLOGVE . FORTVNE , that fauours fooles , these two short houres We wish away ; both for your sakes , and ours , Iudging Spectators : and desire in place , To th' Author iustice , to our selues but grace . Our Scene is London , 'cause we would make knowne , No countries mirth is better then our owne . No clime breeds better matter , for your whore , Bawd , squire , impostor , many persons more , Whose manners , now call'd humors , feed the stage : And which haue still beene subiect , for the rage Or spleene of comick-writers . Though this pen Did neuer aime to grieue , but better men ; How e'er the age , he liues in , doth endure The vices that shee breeds , aboue their cure . But , when the wholsome remedies are sweet , And , in their working , gaine , and profit meet , He hopes to find no spirit so much diseas'd , But will , with such faire correctiues be pleas'd . For here , he doth not feare , who can apply . If there be any , that will sit so nigh Vnto the streame , to looke what it doth run , They shall find things , they 'ld thinke , or wish , were done ; They are so naturall follies , but so showne , As euen the doers may see , and yet not owne .

Act I. Scene I. FACE , SVBTLE , DOL Common . BEleeu 't , I will . SVB. Thy worst . I fart at thee . DOL. Ha' you your wits ? Why gentlemen ! for loue — FAC. Sirrah , I 'll strip you — SVB. What to doe ? lick sigs Out at my — FAC. Rogue , rogue , out of all your sleights . DOL. Nay , looke yee ! Soueraigne , Generall , are you mad-men ? SVB. O , let the wild sheepe loose . I le gumme your silkes With good strong water , an 'you come . DOL. Will you haue The neighbours heare you ? Will you betray all ? Harke , I heare some body . FAC. Sirrah — SVB. I shall marre All that the taylor has made , if you approch . FAC. You most notorious whelpe , you insolent slaue . Dare you doe this ? SVB. Yes faith , yes faith . FAC. Why ! who Am I , my mungrill ? Who am I ? SVB. I 'll tell you , Since you know not your selfe — FAC. Speake lower , rogue . SVB. Yes . You were once ( time 's not long past ) the good , Honest , plaine , liuery-three-pound-thrum ; that kept Your masters worships house , here , in the friers , For the vacations — FAC. Will you be so lowd ? SVB. Since , by my meanes , translated suburb-Captayne . FAC. By your meanes , Doctor dog ? SVB. Within mans memorie , All this , I speake of . FAC. Why , I pray you , haue I Beene countenanc'd by you ? or you , by me ? Doe but collect , sir , where I met you first . SVB. I doe not heare well . FAC. Not of this , I thinke it . But I shall put you in mind , sir , at pie-corner . Taking your meale of steeme in , from cookes stalls , Where , like the father of hunger , you did walke Piteously costiue , with your pinch'd-horne-nose , And your complexion , of the romane wash , Stuck full of black , and melancholique wormes , Like poulder-cornes , shot , at th' artillerie-yard . SVB. I wish , you could aduance your voice , a little . FAC. When you went pinn'd vp , in the seuerall rags , Yo 'had rak'd , and pick'd from dung-hills , before day , Your feet in mouldie slippers , for your kibes , A felt of rugg , and a thin thredden cloake , That scarce would couer your no-buttocks — SVB. So , sir ! FAC. When all your alchemy , and your algebra , Your mineralls , vegetalls , and animalls , Your coniuring , cosning , and your dosen of trades , Could not relieue your corps , with so much linnen Would make you tinder , but to see a fire ; I ga' you count'nance , credit for your coales , Your stills , your glasses , your materialls , Built you a fornace , drew you customers , Aduanc'd all your black arts ; lent you , beside , A house to practise in — SVB. Your masters house ? FAC. Where you haue studied the more thriuing skill Of bawdrie , since . SVB. Yes , in your masters house . You , and the rats , here , kept possession . Make it not strange . I know , yo' were one , could keepe The buttry-hatch still lock'd , and saue the chippings , Sell the dole-beere to aqua-vitae-men , The which , together with your christ-masse vailes , At post and paire , your letting out of counters , Made you a pretty stock , some twentie markes , And gaue you credit , to conuerse with cob-webs , Here , since your mistris death hath broke vp house . FAC. You might talke softlier , raskall . SVB. No , you scarabe , I 'll thunder you , in peeces . I will teach you How to beware , to tempt a furie againe That carries tempest in his hand , and voice . FAC. The place has made you valiant . SVB. No , your clothes . Thou vermine , haue I tane thee , out of dung , So poore , so wretched , when no liuing thing Would keepe thee companie , but a spider , or worse ? Rais'd thee from broomes , and dust , and watring pots ? Sublim'd thee , and exalted thee , and fix'd thee I' the third region , call'd our state of grace ? Wrought thee to spirit , to quintessence , with paines Would twise haue won me the philosophers worke ? Put thee in words , and fashion ? made thee fit For more then ordinarie fellowships ? Giu'n thee thy othes , thy quarrelling dimensions ? Thy rules , to cheat at horse-race , cock-pit , cardes , Dice , or what euer gallant tincture , else ? Made thee a second , in mine owne great art ? And haue I this for thanke ? Doe you rebell ? Doe you flie out , i' the proiection ? Would you be gone , now ? DOL. Gentlemen , what meane you ? Will you marre all ? SVB. Slaue , thou hadst had no name — DOL. Will you vn-doe your selues , with ciuill warre ? SVB. Neuer beene knowne , past equi clibanum , The heat of horse-dung , vnder ground , in cellars , Or an ale-house , darker then deafe IOHN's : beene lost To all mankind , but laundresses , and tapsters , Had not I beene . DOL. Do' you know who heares you , Soueraigne ? FAC. Sirrah — DOL. Nay , Generall , I thought you were ciuill — FAC. I shall turne desperate , if you grow thus lowd . SVB. And hang thy selfe , I care not . FAC. Hang thee , colliar , And all thy pots , and pans , in picture I will , Since thou hast mou'd me . — DOL. ( O , this 'll ore-throw all . ) FAC. Write thee vp bawd , in Paules ; haue all thy tricks Of cosning with a hollow cole , dust , scrapings , Searching for things lost , with a siue , and sheeres , Erecting figures , in your rowes of houses , And taking in of shaddowes , with a glasse , Told in red letters : And a face , cut for thee , Worse then GAMALIEL RATSEY'S . DOL. Are you sound ? Ha' you your senses , masters ? FAC. I will haue A booke , but barely reckoning thy impostures , Shall proue a true philosophers stone , to printers . SVB. Away , you trencher-raskall . FAC. Out you dog-leach , The vomit of all prisons — DOL. Will you be Your owne destructions , gentlemen ? FAC. Still spew'd out For lying too heauy o' the basket . SVB. Cheater . FAC. Bawd . SVB. Cow-herd . FAC. Coniurer . SVB. Cut-purse . FAC. Witch . DOL. O me ! We are ruin'd ! lost ! Ha' you no more regard To your reputations ? Where 's your iudgement ? S'light , Haue yet , some care of me , o' your republique — FAC. Away this brach . I 'll bring thee , rogue , within The statute of sorcerie , tricesimo tertio . Or HARRY the eight : I , and ( perhaps ) thy necke Within a nooze , for laundring gold , and barbing it . DOL. You 'll bring your head within a cocks-combe , will you ? And you , sir , with your menstrue , gather it vp . S'death , you abominable paire of stinkards , Leaue off your barking , and grow one againe , Or , by the light that shines , I 'll cut your throats . Shee catcheth out Face his sword : and breakes Subtles glasse . I 'll not be made a prey vnto the marshall , For ne're a snarling dog-bolt o' you both . Ha' you together cossen'd all this while , And all the world , and shall it now be said Yo' haue made most courteous shift , to cosen your selues ? You will accuse him ? You will bring him in Within the statute ? Who shall take your word ? A whore-sonne , vpstart , apocryphall captayne , Whom not a puritane , in black-friers , will trust So much , as for a feather ! And you too , Will giue the cause , forsooth ? You will insult , And claime a primacie , in the diuisions ? You must be chiefe ? as if you , onely , had The poulder to proiect with ? and the worke Were not begun out of equalitie ? The venter tripartite ? All things in common ? Without prioritie ? S'death , you perpetuall curres , Fall to your couples againe , and cossen kindly , And heartily , and louingly , as you should , And loose not the begining of a terme , Or , by this hand , I shall grow factious too , And , take my part , and quit you . FAC. 'T is his fault , He euer murmures , and obiects his paines , And sayes , the weight of all lyes vpon him . SVB. Yes , but they are not equall . DOL. Why , if your part exceed to day , I hope Ours may , to morrow , match it . SVB. I , they may . DOL. May , murmuring mastiffe ? I , and doe . Death on me ! Helpe me to thrattell him . SVB. DOROTHEE , mistris DOROTHEE , O'ds preciuos , I 'll doe anything . What doe you meane ? DOL. Because o' your fermentation , and cibation ? SVB. Not I , by heauen — DOL. Your Sol , and Luna — helpe me . SVB. Would I were hang'd then . I 'll conforme my selfe . DOL. Will you , sir , doe so then , and quickly : sweare . SVB. What should I sweare ? DOL. To leaue your faction , sir . And labour , kindly , in the commune worke . SVB. Let me not breath , if I meant ought , beside . I onely vs'd those speeches , as a spurre To him . DOL. I hope we need no spurres , sir . Doe we ? FAC. 'Slid , proue to day , who shall sharke best . SVB. Agreed . DOL. Yes , and worke close , and friendly . SVB. 'Slight , the knot Shall grow the stronger , for this breach , with me . DOL. Why so , my good babounes ! Shall we goe make A sort of sober , sciruy , precise neighbours , ( That scarse haue smil'd twise , sin' the king came in ) A feast of laughter , at our follies ? raskalls , Would runne themselues from breath , to see me ride , Or you t' haue but a hole , to thrust your heads in , For which you should pay eare-rent ? No , agree . And may Don Prouost ride a feasting , long , In his old veluet ierken , and stayn'd scarfes , ( My noble Soueraigne , and worthy Generall ) Ere we contribute a new crewell garter To his most worsted worship . SVB. Royall DOL ! Spoken like CLARIDIANA , and thy selfe ! FAC. For which , at supper , thou shalt sit in triumph , And not be stil'd DOL Common , but DOL Proper , DOL Singular : the longest cut , at night , Shall draw thee for his DOL Particular . SVB. Who 's that ? one rings . To the windo' , DOL. Pray heau'n , The master doe not trouble vs , this quarter . FAC. O , feare not him . While there dyes one , a weeke , O' the plague , hee 's safe , from thinking toward London . Beside , hee 's busie at his hop-yards , now : I had a letter from him . If he doe , Hee 'll send such word , for ayring o' the house As you shall haue sufficient time , to quit it : Though we breake vp a fortnight , 't is no matter . SVB. Who is it , DOL ? DOL. A fine yong quodling . FAC. O , My Lawyers clarke , I lighted on , last night , In Hol'bourne , at the dagger . He would haue ( I told you of him ) a familiar , To rifle with , at horses , and winne cups . DOL. O , let him in . SVB. Stay . Who shall doo 't ? FAC. Get you Your robes on . I will meet him , as going out . DOL. And what shall I doe ? FAC. Not be seene , away . Seeme you very reseru'd . SVB. Inough . FAC. God b'w'you , sir . I pray you , let him know that I was here . His name is DAPPER . I would gladly haue staid , but —

Act I. Scene II. DAPPER , FACE , SVBTLE . CAptaine , I am here . FAC. Who 's that ? He 's come , I think , Doctor . Good faith , sir , I was going away . DAP. In truth , I 'am very sorry , Captaine . FAC. But I thought Sure , I should meet you . DAP. I , I 'am very glad . I 'had a sciruy writ , or two , to make , And I had lent my watch last night , to one That dines , to day , at the shrieffs : and so was rob'd Of my passe-time . Is this the cunning-man ? FAC. This is his worship . DAP. Is he a Doctor ? FAC. Yes . DAP. And ha' you broke with him , Captain ? FAC. I . DAP. And how ? FAC. Faith , he do's make the matter , sir , so daintie , I know not what to say — DAP. Not so , good Captaine . FAC. Would I were fairely rid on 't , beleeue me . DAP. Nay , now you grieue me , sir . Why should you wish so ? I dare assure you . I 'll not be vngratefull . FAC. I cannot thinke you will , sir . But the law Is such a thing — And then , he sayes , Reade's matter Falling so lately — DAP. Reade ? He was an asse , And dealt , sir , with a foole . FAC. It was a clarke , sir . DAP. A clarke ? FAC. Nay , heare me , sir , you know the law Better , I thinke — DAP. I should , sir , and the danger . You know I shew'd the statute to you ? FAC. You did so . DAP. And will I tell , then ? By this hand , of flesh , Would it might neuer wright good court-hand , more , If I discouer . What doe you thinke of me , That I am a Chiause ? FAC. What 's that ? DAP. The Turke was , here — As one would say , doe you thinke I am a Turke ? FAC. I 'll tell the Doctor so . DAP. Doe , good sweet Captaine . FAC. Come , noble Doctor , 'pray thee , let 's preuaile , This is the gentleman , and he is no Chiause . SVB. Captaine , I haue return'd you all my answere . I would doe much , sir , for your loue — But this I neither may , nor can . FAC. Tut , doe not say so . You deale , now , with a noble fellow , Doctor , One that will thanke you , richly , and h 'is no Chiause : Let that , sir , moue you . SVB. Pray you , forbeare — FAC. He has Foure angels , here — SVB. You doe me wrong , good sir . FAC. Doctor , wherein ? To tempt you , with these spirits ? SVB. To tempt my art , and loue , sir , to my perill . 'Fore heau'n , I scarse can thinke you are my friend , That so would draw me to apparant danger . FAC. I draw you ? A horse draw you , and a halter , You , and your flies together — DAP. Nay , good Captayne . FAC. That know no difference of men . SVB. Good wordes , sir . FAC. Good deeds , sir , Doctor dogs-meate . 'Slight I bring you No cheating CLIM-o'the-CLOVGHS , or CLARIBELS , That looke as bigge as fiue-and-fiftie , and flush , And spit out secrets , like hot custard — DAP. Captayne . FAC. Nor any melancholike vnder-scribe , Shall tell the Vicar : but , a speciall gentle , That is the heire to fortie markes , a yeere , Consorts with the small poets of the time , Is the sole hope of his old grand-mother , That knowes the law , and writes you sixe faire hands , Is a fine clarke , and has his cyphring perfect , Will take his oath , o' the greeke XENOPHON , If need be , in his pocket : and can court His mistris , out of OVID . DAP. Nay , deare Captayne . FAC. Did you not tell me , so ? DAP. Yes , but I 'ld ha' you Vse master Doctor , with some more respect . FAC. Hang him proud stagge , with his broad veluet head . But , for your sake , I 'ld choake , ere I would change An article of breath , with such a puck-fist — Come let 's begone . SVB. Pray you , le' me speake with you . DAP. His worship calls you , Captayne . FAC. I am sorry , I e're imbarqu'd my selfe , in such a businesse . DAP. Nay , good sir . He did call you . FAC. Will he take , then ? SVB. First , heare me — FAC. Not a syllable , 'lesse you take . SVB. Pray ye' , sir — FAC. Vpon no termes , but an assumpsit . SVB. Your humor must be law . FAC. Why now , sir , talke . Now , I dare heare you with mine honour . Speake . So may this gentleman too . SVB. Why , sir — FAC. No whispring . SVB. 'Fore heau'n , you doe not apprehend the losse You doe you selfe , in this . FAC. Wherein ? For what ? SVB. Mary , to be so'importunate for one , That , when he has it , will vn-doe you all : Hee 'll winne vp all the money i' the towne . FAC. How ! SVB. Yes . And blow vp gamster , after gamster , As they doe crackers , in a puppit-play . If I doe giue him a familiar , Giue you him all you play for ; neuer set him : For he will haue it . FAC. Y' are mistaken , Doctor . Why , he do's aske one but for cups , and horses , A rifling flye : none o' your great familiars . DAP. Yes , Captayne , I would haue it , for all games . SVB. I told you so . FAC. 'Slight , that 's a new businesse ! I vnderstood you , a tame bird , to flie Twise in a terme , or so ; on friday-nights , When you had left the office : for a nagge , Of fortie , or fiftie shillings . DAP. I , 't is true , sir , But I doe thinke , now , I shall leaue the law , And therefore — FAC. Why , this changes quite the case ! Do' you thinke , that I dare moue him ? DAP. If you please , sir , All 's one to him , I see . FAC. What! for that money ? I cannot with my conscience . Nor should you Make the request , me thinkes . DAP. No , sir , I meane To adde consideration . FAC. Why , then , sir , I 'll trie . Say , that it were for all games , Doctor ? SVB. I say , then , not a mouth shall eate for him At any ordinarie , but o' the score , That is a gaming mouth , conceiue me . FAC. Indeed ! SVB. Hee 'll draw you all the treasure of the realme , If it be set him . FAC. Speake you this from art ? SVB. I , sir , and reason too : the ground of art . H 'is o' the onely best complexion , The queene of Fairy loues . FAC. What! is he ! SVB. Peace . Hee 'll ouer-heare you . Sir , should shee but see him — FAC. What ? SVB. Do not you tell him . FAC. Will he win at cards too ? SVB. The spirits of dead HOLLAND , liuing ISAAC , You 'ld sweare , were in him : such a vigorous luck As cannot be resisted . 'Slight hee 'll put Sixe o' your gallants , to a cloke , indeed . FAC. A strange successe , that some man shall be borne too ! SVB. He heares you , man — DAP. Sir , I le not be ingratefull . FAC. Faith , I haue a confidence in his good nature : You heare , he sayes , he will not be ingratefull . SVB. Why , as you please , my venture followes yours . FAC. Troth , doe it , Doctor . Thinke him trustie , and make him . He may make vs both happy in an houre : Win some fiue thousand pound , and send vs two on 't . DAP. Beleeue it , and I will , sir . FAC. And you shall , sir . You haue heard all ? DAP. No , what was 't ? nothing , I sir . FAC. Nothing ? DAP. A little , sir . FAC. Well , a rare starre Raign'd , at your birth . DAP. At mine , sir ? no . FAC. The Doctor Sweares that you are — SVB. Nay , Captaine , yo 'll tell all , now . FAC. Allyed to the queene of Faerie . DAP. Who ? that I am ? Beleeue it , no such matter — FAC. Yes , and that Yo' Yo' borne with a caule o' your head . DAP. Who saies so ? FAC. Come . You know it well inough , though you dissemble it . DAP. I-fac , I doe not . You are mistaken . Sweare by your fac ? and in a thing so knowne Vnto the Doctor ? How shall we , sir , trust you I' the other matter ? Can we euer thinke , When you haue wonne fiue , or sixe thousand pound , You 'll send vs shares in 't , by this rate ? DAP. By IOVE , sir , I 'll winne ten thousand pound , and send you halfe . I-fac's no oath . SVB. No , no , he did but iest . FAC. Goe too . Goe , thanke the Doctor . He 's your friend To take it so . DAP. I thanke his worship . FAC. So ? Another angell . DAP. Must I ? FAC. Must you ? Slight , What else is thankes ? will you be triuiall ? Doctor , When must he come , for his familiar ? DAP. Shall I not ha' it with me ? SVB. O , good sir ! There must a world of ceremonies passe , You must be bath'd , and fumigated , first ; Besides , the Queene of Faerie do's not rise , Till it be noone . FAC. Not , if she daunc'd , to night . SVB. And she must blesse it . FAC. Did you neuer see Her royall Grace , yet ? DAP. Whom ? FAC. Your aunt of Faerie ? SVB. Not , since she kist him , in the cradle , Captayne , I can resolue you that . FAC. Well , see her Grace , What ere it cost you , for a thing that I know ! It will be somewhat hard to compasse : but , How euer , see her . You are made , beleeue it , If you can see her . Her Grace is a lone woman , And very rich , and if she take a phant'sye , She will doe strange things . See her , at any hand . 'Slid , she may hap to leaue you all she has ! It is the Doctors feare . DAP. How will 't be done , then ? FAC. Let me alone , take you no thought . Doe you But say to me , Captayne , I 'll see her Grace . DAP. One knocks without . Captain , I 'll see her Grace . FAC. Inough . SVB. Who 's there ? Anone . ( Conduct him forth , by the backe way ) Sir , against one a clock , prepare your selfe . Till when you must be fasting ; onely , take Three drops of vinegar , in , at your nose ; Two at your mouth ; and one , at either eare ; Then , bath your fingers endes ; and wash your eyes ; To sharpen your fiue senses ; and , cry hum , Thrise ; and then buz , as often ; and then , come . FAC. Can you remember this ? DAP. I warrant you . FAC. Well , then , away . 'T is , but your bestowing Some twenty nobles , 'mong her Graces seruants ; And , put on a cleane shirt : You doe not know What grace her Grace may doe you in cleane linnen .

Act I. Scene III. SVBTLE , DRVGGER , FACE . COme in ( Good wiues , I pray you forbeare me , now . Troth I can doe you no good , till after-noone ) What is your name , say you , ABEL DRVGGER ? DRV. Yes , sir . SVB. A seller of tabacco ? DRV. Yes , sir . SVB. Vmh . Free of the Grocers ? DRV. I , and 't please you . SVB. Well — Your businesse , ABEL ? DRV. This , and 't please your worship , I 'am a yong beginner , and am building Of a new shop , and 't like your worship ; iust , At corner of a street : ( Here 's the plot on 't . ) And I would know , by art , sir , of your worship , Which way I should make my dore , by necromancie . And , where my shelues . And , which should be for boxes . And , which for pots . I would be glad to thriue , sir . And , I was wish'd to your worship , by a gentleman , One Captaine FACE , that say's you know mens planets , And their good angels , and their bad . SVB. I doe , If I doe see 'hem — FAC. What! my honest ABEL ? Thou art well met , here ! DRV. Troth , sir , I was speaking , Iust , as your worship came here , of your worship . I pray you , speake for me to master Doctor . FAC. He shall doe any thing . Doctor , doe you heare ? This is my friend , ABEL , an honest fellow , He lets me haue good tabacco , and he do's not Sophisticate it , with sack-lees , or oyle , Nor washes it in muscadell , and graines , Nor buries it , in grauell , vnder ground , Wrap'd vp in greasie leather , or piss'd clouts : But keeps it in fine lilly-pots , that open'd , Smell like conserue of roses , or french beanes . He has his maple block , his siluer tongs , Winchester pipes , and fire of iuniper . A neate , spruce-honest-fellow , and no gold-smith . SVB. H 'is a fortunate fellow , that I am sure on — FAC. Alreadie , sir , ha' you found it ? Lo' Lo'thee ABEL ! SVB. And , in right way to'ward riches — FAC. Sir . SVB. This summer , He will be of the clothing of his companie : And , next spring , call'd to the scarlet . Spend what he can . FAC. What , and so little beard ? SVB. Sir , you must thinke , He may haue a receipt , to make haire come . But hee 'll be wise , preserue his youth , and fine for 't : His fortune lookes for him , another way . FAC. 'Slid , Doctor , how canst thou know this so soone ? I 'am amus'd , at that ! SVB. By a rule , Captaine , In metaposcopie , which I doe worke by , A certaine starre i' the fore-head , which you see not . Your chest-nut , or your oliue-colour'd face Do's neuer faile : and your long eare doth promise . I knew 't , by certaine spots too , in his teeth , And on the naile of his mercurial finger . FAC. Which finger's that ? SVB. His little finger . Looke . Yo' were borne vpon a wensday ? DRV. Yes , indeed , sir . SVB. The thumbe , in chiromantie , we giue VENVS ; The fore-finger to IOVE ; the midst , to SATVRNE ; The ring to SOL ; the least , to MERCVRIE : Who was the lord , sir , of his horoscope , His house of life being Libra , which fore-shew'd , He should be a merchant , and should trade with ballance . FAC. Why , this is strange ! Is 't not , honest NAB ? SVB. There is a ship now , comming from Ormus , That shall yeeld him , such a commoditie Of drugs — This is the west , and this the south ? DRV. Yes , sir ; SVB. And those are your two sides ? DRV. I , sir . SVB. Make me your dore , then south ; your broad side , west : And , on the east-side of your shop , aloft , Write Mathlai , Tarmiel , and Baraborat ; Vpon the north-part , Rael , Velel , Thiel . They are the names of those Mercurial spirits , That doe fright flyes from boxes . DRV. Yes , sir . SVB. And Beneath your threshold , bury me a load-stone To draw in gallants , that weare spurres : The rest , They 'll seeme to follow . FAC. That 's a secret NAB ! SVB. And , on your stall , a puppet , with a vice , And a court-fucus , to call city-dames . You shall deale much , with mineralls . DRV. Sir , I haue , At home , alreadie — SVB. I , I know , you' you'haue arsnike , Vitriol , sal-tartre , argaile , alkaly , Cinoper : I know all . This fellow , Captaine , Will come , in time , to be a great distiller , And giue a say ( I will not say directly , But very faire ) at the phiosophers stone . FAC. Why , how now , ABEL ! Is this true ? DRV. Good Captaine , What must I giue ? FAC. Nay , I le not counsell thee . Thou hearst , what wealth ( he sayes , spend what thou canst ) Th' art like to come too . DRV. I would gi 'him a crowne . FAC. A crowne ! 'nd toward such a fortune ? Hart , Thou shalt rather gi' him thy shop . No gold about thee ? DRV. Yes , I haue a portague , I ha' kept this halfe yeere . FAC. Out on thee , NAB , S'light , there was such an offer — 'Shalt keepe't no longer , I 'll gi' it him for thee ? Doctor , NAB prayes your worship , to drinke this : and sweares He will appeare more gratefull , as your skill Do's raise him in the world . DRV. I would intreat Another fauour of his worship . FAC. What is 't , NAB ? DRV. But , to looke ouer , sir , my almanack , And crosse out my ill-dayes , that I may neither Bargaine , nor trust vpon them . FAC. That he shall , NAB . Leaue it , it shall be done , 'gainst after-noone . SVB. And a direction for his shelues . FAC. Now , NAB ? Art thou well pleas'd , NAB ? DRV. Thanke , sir , both your worships . FAC. Away . Why , now , you smoky persecuter of nature ! Now , doe you see , that some-thing's to be done , Beside your beech-coale , and your cor'siue waters , Your crosse-lets , crucibles , and cucurbites ? You must haue stuffe , brought home to you , to worke on ? And , yet , you thinke , I am at no expence , In searching out these veines , then following 'hem , Then trying 'hem out . 'Fore god , my intelligence Costs me more money , then my share oft comes too , In these rare workes . SVB. You 're pleasant , sir . How now ?

Act I. Scene IIII. FACE , DOL , SVBTLE . WHat say's , my daintie DOLKIN ? DOL. Yonder fish-wife Will not away . And there 's your giantesse , The bawd of Lambeth . SVB. Hart , I cannot speake with 'hem . DOL. Not , afore night , I haue told 'hem , in a voice , Thorough the trunke , like one of your familiars . But I haue spied sir EPICVRE MAMMON ‐ SVB. Where ? DOL. Comming along , at far end of the lane , Slow of his feet , but earnest of his tongue , To one , that 's with him . SVB. FACE , goe you , and shift , DOL , you must presently make readie , too — DOL. Why , what 's the matter ? SVB. O , I did looke for him With the sunnes rising : 'Maruaile , he could sleepe ! This is the day , I am to perfect for him The magisterium , our great worke , the stone ; And yeeld it , made , into his hands : of which , He has , this month , talk'd , as he were possess ; d. And , now , hee 's dealing peeces on 't , away . Me thinkes , I see him , entring ordinaries , Dispensing for the poxe ; and plaguy-houses , Reaching his dose ; walking more-fields for lepers ; And offring citizens-wiues pomander-bracelets , As his preseruatiue , made of the elixir ; Searching the spittle , to make old bawdes yong ; And the high-waies , for beggars , to make rich : I see no end of his labours . He will make Nature asham'd , of her long sleepe : when art , Who 's but a step-dame , shall doe more , then shee , In her best loue to man-kind , euer could . If his dreame last , hee 'll turne the age , to gold .

Act II. Scene I. MAMMON , SVRLY . COme on , sir . Now , you set your foot on shore In nouo orbe ; Here 's the rich Peru : And there within , sir , are the golden mines , Great SALOMON'S Ophir ! He was sayling to 't , Three yeeres , but we haue reach'd it in ten months . This is the day , wherein , to all my friends , I will pronounce the happy word , be rich . This day , you shall be spectatissimi . You shall no more deale with the hollow die , Or the fraile card . No more be at charge of keeping The liuery-punke , for the yong heire , that must Seale , at all houres , in his shirt . No more If he denie , ha' him beaten to 't , as he is That brings him the commoditie . No more Shall thirst of satten , or the couetous hunger Of veluet entrailes , for a rude-spun cloke , To be displaid at Madame AVGVSTA'S , make The sonnes of sword , and hazzard fall before The golden calfe , and on their knees , whole nights , Commit idolatrie with wine , and trumpets : Or goe a feasting , after drum and ensigne . No more of this . You shall start vp yong Vice-royes , And haue your punques , and punquettees , my SVRLY . And vnto thee , I speake it first , be rich . Within Sir . Where is my SVBTLE , there ? Within hough ? Hee 'll come to you , by and by . MAM. That 's his fire-drake , His lungs , his Zephyrus , he that puffes his coales , Till he firke nature vp , in her owne center . You are not faithfull , sir . This night , I 'll change All , that is mettall , in thy house , to gold . And , early in the morning , will I send To all the plumbers , and the pewterers , And buy their tin , and lead vp : and to Lothbury , For all the copper . SVR. What , and turne that too ? MAM. Yes , and I 'll purchase Deuonshire , and Cornwaile , And make them perfect Indies ! You admire now ? SVR. No faith . MAM. But when you see th' effects of the great med'cine ! Of which one part proiected on a hundred Of Mercurie , or Venus , or the Moone , Shall turne it , to as many of the Sunne ; Nay , to a thousand , so ad infinitum : You will beleeue me . SVR. Yes , when I see 't , I will . But , if my eyes doe cossen me so ( and I Giuing 'hem no occasion ) sure , I 'll haue A whore , shall pisse 'hem out , next day . MAM. Ha! Why ? Doe you thinke , I fable with you ? I assure you , He that has once the flower of the sunne , The perfect ruby , which we call elixir , Not onely can doe that ; but by it 's vertue , Can confer honour , loue , respect , long life , Giue safetie , valure : yea , and victorie , To whom he will . In eight , and twentie dayes , I 'll make an old man , of fourescore , a childe . SVR. No doubt , hee 's that alreadie . MAM. Nay , I meane , Restore his yeeres , renew him , like an eagle , To the fifth age ; make him get sonnes , and daughters , Yong giants ; as our Philosophers haue done ( The antient Patriarkes afore the floud ) But taking , once a weeke , on a kniues point , The quantitie of a graine of mustard , of it : Become stout MARSES , and beget yong CVPIDS . SVR. The decay'd Vestall's of Pickt-hatch would thanke you , That keepe the fire a-liue , there . MAM. 'T is the secret Of nature , naturiz'd 'gainst all infections , Cures all diseases , comming of all causes , A month's griefe , in a day ; a yeeres , in twelue : And , of what age soeuer , in a month . Past all the doses , of your drugging Doctors . I 'll vndertake , withall , to fright the plague Out o' the kingdome , in three months . SVR. And I 'll Be bound , the players shall sing your praises , then , Without their poets . MAM. Sir , I 'll doo 't . Meane time , I 'll giue away so much , vnto my man , Shall serue th' whole citie , with preseruatiue , Weekely , each house his dose , and at the rate — SVR. As he that built the water-worke , do's with water ? MAM. You are incredulous . SVR. Faith , I haue a humor , I would not willingly be gull'd . Your stone Cannot transmute me . MAM. PERTINAX , SVRLY , Will you beleeue antiquitie ? recordes ? I 'll shew you a booke , where MOSES , and his sister , And SALAMON haue written , of the art ; I , and a treatise penn'd by ADAM . SVR. How ! MAM. O' the Philosophers stone , and in high-Dutch . SVR. Did ADAM write , sir , in high-Dutch ? MAM. He did : Which proues it was the primitiue tongue . SVR. What paper ? MAM. On cedar board . SVR. O that , indeed ( they say ) Will last 'gainst wormes . MAM. 'T is like your Irishwood , 'Gainst cob-webs . I haue a peece of IASONS fleece , too , Which was no other , then a booke of alchemie , Writ in large sheepe-skin , a good fat ram-vellam . Such was PYTHAGORA'S thigh , PANDORA's tub ; And , all that fable of MEDEAS charmes , The manner of our worke : The Bulls , our fornace , Still breathing fire ; our argent-viue , the Dragon : The Dragons teeth , mercury sublimate , That keepes the whitenesse , hardnesse , and the biting ; And they are gather'd , into IASON's helme , ( Th' alembeke ) and then sow'd in MARS his field , And , thence , sublim'd so often , till they are fix'd . Both this , th' Hesperian garden , CADMVS storie , IOVE's shower , the boone of MIDAS , ARGVS eyes , BOCCACE his Demogorgon , thousands more , All abstract riddles of our stone . How now ?

Act II. Scene II. MAMMON , FACE , SVRLY . DOe wee succeed ? Is our day come ? and hold's it ? FAC. The euening will set red , vpon you , sir ; You haue colour for it , crimson : the red ferment Has done his office . Three houres hence , prepare you To see proiection . MAM. PERTINAX , my SVRLY , Againe , I say to thee , aloud , be rich . This day , thou shalt haue ingots : and to morrow , Giue lords th' affront . Is it , my ZEPHYRVS , right ? Blushes the bolts-head ? FAC. Like a wench with child , sir , That were , but now , discouer'd to her master . MAM. Excellent wittie Lungs ! My onely care is , Where to get stuffe , inough now , to proiect on , This towne will not halfe serue me . FAC. No , sir ? Buy The couering of o' churches . MAM. That 's true . FAC. Yes . Let 'hem stand bare , as doe their auditorie . Or cap 'hem , new , with shingles . MAM. No , good thatch : Thatch will lie light vpo' the rafters , Lungs . Lungs , I will manumit thee , from the fornace ; I will restore thee thy complexion , Puffe , Lost in the embers ; and repaire this braine , Hurt wi' the fume o' the mettalls . FAC. I haue blowne , sir , Hard , for your woship ; throwne by many a coale , When 't was not beech ; weigh'd those I put in , iust , To keepe your heat , still euen ; These bleard-eyes Haue wak'd , to reade your seuerall colours , sir , Of the pale citron , the greene lyon , the crow , The peacocks taile , the plumed swan . MAM. And , lastly , Thou hast descryed the flower , the sanguis agni ? FAC. Yes , sir . MAM. Where 's master ? FAC. At 's praiers , sir , he , Good man , hee 's doing his deuotions , For the successe . MAM. Lungs , I will set a period , To all thy labours : Thou shalt be the master Of my seraglia . FAC. Good , sir . MAM. But doe you heare ? I 'll geld you , Lungs . FAC. Yes , sir . MAM. For I doe meane To haue a list of wiues , and concubines , Equall with SALOMON ; who had the stone Alike , with me : and I will make me , a back With the elixir , that shall be as tough As HERCVLES , to encounter fiftie a night . Th' art sure , thou saw'st it bloud ? FAC. Both bloud , and spirit , sir . MAM. I will haue all my beds , blowne vp ; not stuft : Downe is too hard . And then , mine oual roome , Fill'd with such pictures , as TIBERIVS tooke From ELEPHANTIS : and dull ARETINE But coldly imitated . Then , my glasses , Cut in more subtill angles , to disperse , And multiply the figures , as I walke Naked betweene my succubae . My mists I 'le haue of perfume , vapor'd 'bout the roome , To loose our selues in ; and my baths , like pits To fall into : from whence , we will come forth , And rowle vs drie in gossamour , and roses . ( Is it arriu'd at ruby ? ) — Where I spie A wealthy citizen , or rich lawyer , Haue a sublim'd pure wife , vnto that fellow I 'll send a thousand pound , to be my cuckold . FAC. And I shall carry it ? MAM. No . I 'll ha' no bawds , But fathers , and mothers . They will doe it best . Best of all others . And , my flatterers Shall be the pure , and grauest of Diuines , That I can get for money . My mere fooles , Eloquent burgesses , and then my poets The same that writ so subtly of the fart , Whom I will entertaine , still , for that subiect . The few , that would giue out themselues , to be Court , and towne-stallions , and , each where , belye Ladies , who are knowne most innocent , for them ; Those will I begge , to make me eunuchs of : And they shall fan me with ten estrich tailes A piece , made in a plume , to gather wind . We will be braue , Puffe , now we ha' the med'cine . My meat , shall all come in , in Indian shells , Dishes of agate , set in gold , and studded , With emeralds , saphyres , hiacynths , and rubies . The tongues of carpes , dormise , and camels heeles , Boil'd i' the spirit of SOL , and dissolu'd pearle , ( APICIVS diet , 'gainst the epilepsie ) And I will eate these broaths , with spoones of amber , Headed with diamant , and carbuncle . My foot-boy shall eate phesants , caluerd salmons , Knots , godwits , lamprey's : I my selfe will haue The beards of barbels , seru'd , in stead of sallades ; Oild mushromes ; and the swelling vnctuous paps Of a fat pregnant sow , newly cut off , Drest with an exquisite , and poynant sauce ; For which , I le say vnto my cooke , there 's gold , Goe forth , and be a knight . FAC. Sir , I 'll goe looke A little , how it heightens . MAM. Doe . My shirts I 'll haue of taffata-sarsnet , soft , and light As cob-webs ; and for all my other rayment It shall be such , as might prouoke the Persian ; Were he to teach the world riot , a new . My gloues of fishes , and birds-skins , perfum'd With gummes of paradise , and easterne aire — SVR. And do' you thinke to haue the stone , with this ? MAM. No , I doe thinke , t' haue all this , with the stone . SVR. Why , I haue heard , he must be homo frugi , A pious , holy , and religious man , One free from mortall sinne , a very virgin . MAM. That makes it , sir , he is so . But I buy it . My venter brings it me . He , honest wretch , A notable , superstitious , good soule , Has worne his knees bare , and his slippers bald , With prayer , and fasting for it : and , sir , let him Do' it alone , for me , still . Here he comes , Not a prophane word , afore him : 'T is poyson .

Act II. Scene III. MAMMON , SVBTLE , SVRLY , FACE . GOod morrow , father . SVB. Gentle sonne , good morrow , And , to your friend , there . What is he , is with you ? MAM. An heretique , that I did bring along , In hope , sir , to conuert him . SVB. Sonne , I doubt Yo' are couetous , that thus you meet your time I' the iust point : preuent your day , at morning . This argues something , worthy of a feare Of importune , and carnall appetite . Take heed , you doe not cause the blessing leaue you , With your vngouern'd hast . I should be sorry , To see my labours , now , e'ene at perfection , Got by long watching , and large patience , Not prosper , where my loue , and zeale hath plac'd 'hem . Which ( heauen I call to witnesse , with your selfe , To whom , I haue pour'd my thoughts ) in all my ends , Haue look'd no way , but vnto publique good , To pious vses , and deere charitie , No growne a prodigie with men . Wherein If you , my sonne , should now preuaricate , And , to your owne particular lusts , employ So great , and catholique a blisse : be sure , A curse will follow , yea , and ouertake Your subtle , and most secret wayes . MAM. I know , sir , You shall not need to feare me . I but come , To ha' you confute this gentleman . SVR. Who is , Indeed , sir , somewhat caustiue of beliefe Toward your stone : would not be gull'd . SVB. Well , sonne , All that I can conuince him in , is this , The worke is done : Bright SOL is in his robe . We haue a med'cine of the triple Soule , The glorified spirit . Thankes be to heauen , And make vs worthy of it . Ulenspiegel . FAC. Anone , sir . SVB. Looke well to the register , And let your heat , still , lessen by degrees , To the Aludels . FAC. Yes , sir . SVB. Did you looke O' the Bolts-head yet ? FAC. Which on D. sir ? SVB. I , What 's the complexion ? FAC. Whitish . SVB. Infuse vinegar , To draw his volatile substance , and his tincture : And let the water in Glasse E. be feltred , And put into the Gripes egge . Lute him well ; And leaue him clos'd in balneo . FAC. I will , sir . SVR. What a braue language here is ? next to canting ? SVB. I 'have another worke ; you neuer saw , sonne , That , three dayes since , past the Philosophers wheele , In the lent heat of Athanor ; and 's become Sulphur o'nature . MAM. But 't is for me ? SVB. What need you ? You haue inough , in that is , perfect . MAM. O , but — SVB. Why , this is couetise ! MAM. No , I assure you , I shall employ it all , in pious vses , Founding of colledges , and grammar schooles , Marrying yong virgins , building hospitalls , And now , and then , a church . SVB. How now ? FAC. Sir , please you , Shall I not change the feltre ? SVB. Mary , yes . And bring me the complexion of Glasse B. MAM. Ha' you another ? SVB. Yes , sonne , were I assur'd Your pietie were firme , we would not want The meanes to glorifie it . But I hope the best : I meane to tinct C. in sand-heat , to morrow , And giue him imhibition . MAM. Of white oile ? SVB. No , sir , of red . F. is come ouer the helme too , I thanke my Maker , in S. MARIES bath , And shewes lac Virginis . Blessed be heauen . I sent you of his faeces there , calcin'd . Out of that calx , I' ha' wonne the salt of MERCVRY . MAM. By powring on your rectified water ? SVB. Yes , and reuerberating in Athanor . How now ? What colour saies it ? FAC. The ground black , sir . MAM. That 's you crowes-head ? SVR. Your cocks-comb's , is 't not ? SVB. No , 't is not perfect , would it were the crow . That worke wants some-thing . SVR. ( O , I look'd for this . The hay is a pitching . ) SVB. Are you sure , you loos'd 'hem I' their owne menstrue ? FAC. Yes , sir , and then married 'hem , And put 'hem in a Bolts-head , nipp'd to digestion , According as you bad me ; when I set The liquor of MARS to circulation , In the same heat . SVB. The processe , then , was right . FAC. Yes , by the token , sir , the Retort brake , And what was sau'd , was put into the Pellicane , And sign'd with HERMES seale . SVB. I thinke 't was so . We should haue a new amalgama . SVR. ( O , this ferret Is ranke as any pole-cat . ) SVB. But I care not . Let him e'ene die ; we haue enough beside , In embrion . H ha's his white shirt on ? FAC. Yes , sir , Hee 's ripe for inceration : He stands warme , In his ash-fire . I would not , you should let Any die now , if I might counsell , sir , For lucks sake to the rest . It is not good . MAM. He saies right . SVR. I , are you bolted ? FAC. Nay , I know 't , sir , I I'haue seene th' ill fortune . What is some three ounces Of fresh materialls ? MAM. Is 't no more ? FAC. No more , sir , Of gold , t' amalgame , with some sixe of Mercurie . MAM. Away , here 's money . What will serue ? FAC. Aske him , sir . MAM. How much ? SVB. Giue him nine pound : you may gi 'him ten . SVR. Yes , twentie , and be cossend , doe . MAM. There 't is . SVB. This needs not . But that you will haue it , so , To see conclusions of all . For two Of our inferiour workes , are at fixation . A third is in ascension . Goe your waies . Ha' you set the oile of Luna in kemia ? FAC. Yes , sir . SVB. And the philosopers vinegar ? FAC. I. SVR. We shall haue a sallad . MAM. When doe you make proiection ? SVB. Sonne , be no hastie , I exalt our med'cine , By hanging him in balneo vaporoso ; And giuing him solution ; then congeale him ; And then dissolue him ; then againe congeale him ; For looke , how oft I iterate the worke , So many times , I adde vnto his vertue . As , if at first , one ounce conuert a hundred , After his second loose , hee 'll turne a thousand ; His third solution , ten ; his fourth , a hundred . After his fifth , a thousand thousand ounces Of any imperfect mettall , into pure Siluer , or gold , in all examinations , As good , as any of the naturall mine . Get you your stuffe here , against after-noone , Your brasse , your pewter , and your andirons . MAM. Not those of iron : SVB. Yes . You may bring them , too . Wee 'll change all mettall's . SVR. I beleeue you , in that . MAM. Then I may send my spits ? SVB. Yes , and your racks . SVR. And dripping-pans , and pot-hangers , and hookes ? Shall he not ? SVB. If he please . SVR. To be an asse . SVB. How , sir ! MAM. This gent'man , you must beare withall . I told you , he had no faith . SVR. And little hope , sir , But much lesse charitie , should I gull my selfe . SVB. Why , what haue you obseru'd , sir , in our art , Seemes so impossible ? SVR. But your whole worke , no more . That you should hatch gold in a fornace , sir , As they doe egges , in Egypt ! SVB. Sir , doe you Beleeue that egges are hatch'd so ? SVR. If I should ? SVB. Why , I thinke that the greater miracle . No egge , but differs from a chicken , more , Then mettalls in themselues . SVR. That cannot be . The egg 's ordain'd by nature , to that end : And is a chicken in potentia . SVB. The same we say of lead , and other mettalls , Which would be gold , if they had time . MAM. And that Our art doth furder . SVB. I , for 't were absurd To thinke that nature , in the earth , bred gold Perfect , i' the instant . Something went before . There must be remote matter . SVR. I , what is that ? SVB. Mary , we say — MAM. I , now it heats : stand Father . Pound him to dust — SVB. It is , of the one part , A humide exhalation , which we call Materia liquida , or the vnctuous water ; On th' other part , a certaine crasse , and viscous Portion of earth ; both which , concorporate , Doe make the elementarie matter of gold : Which is not , yet , propria materia , But commune to all mettalls , and all stones . For , where it is forsaken of that moysture , And hath more drynesse , it becomes a stone ; Where it retaines more of the humid fatnesse , It turnes to sulphur , or to quick-siluer : Who are the parents of all other mettalls . Nor can this remote matter , sodainly , Progresse so from extreme , vnto extreme , As to grow gold , and leape ore all the meanes . Nature doth , first , beget th' imperfect ; then Proceedes shee to the perfect . Of that ayrie , And oily water , mercury is engendred ; Sulphure o' the fat , and earthy part : the one ( Which is the last ) supplying the place of male , The other of the female , in all mettalls . Some doe beleeue hermaphrodeitie , That both doe act , and suffer . But , these two Make the rest ductile , malleable , extensiue . And , euen in gold , they are ; for we doe find Seedes of them , by our fire , and gold in them : And can produce the species of each mettall More perfect thence , then nature doth in earth . Beside , who doth not see , in daily practice , Art can beget bees , hornets , beetles , waspes , Out of the carcasses , and dung of creatures ; Yea , scorpions , of an herbe , being ritely plac'd : And these are liuing creatures , far more perfect , And excellent , then mettalls . MAM. Well said , father ! Nay , if he take you in hand , sir , with an argument , Hee 'll bray you in a morter . SVR. 'Pray you , sir , stay . Rather , then I 'll be brai'd , sir , I 'll beleeue , That Alchemie is a pretty kind of game , Somewhat like tricks o' the cards , to cheat a man , With charming . SVB. Sir ? SVR. What else are all your termes , Whereon no one o' your writers grees with other ? Of your elixir , your lac virginis , Your stone , your med'cine , and your chrysosperme , Your sal , your sulphur , and your mercurie , Your oyle of height , your tree of life , your bloud , Your marchesite , your tutie , your magnesia , Your toade , your crow , your dragon , and your panthar , Your sunne , your moone , your firmament , your adrop , Your lato , azoch , zernich , chibrit , heautarit , And then , your red man , and your white woman , With all your broths , your menstrues , and materialls , Of pisse , and egge-shells , womens termes , mans bloud , Haire o' the head , burnt clouts , chalke , merds , and clay , Poulder of bones , scalings of iron , glasse , And worlds of other strange ingredients , Would burst a man to name ? SVB. And all these , nam'd , Intending but one thing : which art our writers Vs'd to obscure their art . MAM. Sir , so I told him , Because the simple idiot should not learne it , And make it vulgar . SVB. Was not all the knowledge Of the Egyptians writ in mystick symboles ? Speake not the Scriptures , oft , in parables ? Are not the choisest fables of the Poets , That were the fountaines , and first springs of wisedome , Wrapt in perplexed allegories ? MAM. I vrg'd that , And clear'd to him , that SISIPHVS was damn'd To roule the ceaslesse stone , onely , because He would haue made ours common . Dol is seene . Who is this ? SVB. God's precious — What doe you meane ? Goe in , good lady , Let me intreat you . Where 's this varlet ? FAC. Sir ? SVB. You very knaue ! doe you vse me , thus ? FAC. Wherein , sir ? SVB. Goe in , and see , you traitor . Goe . MAM. Who is it , sir ? SVB. Nothing , sir . Nothing . MAM. What 's the matter ? good , sir ! I haue not seene you thus distemp'red . Who is 't ? SVB. All arts haue still had , sir , their aduersaries , But ours the most ignorant . What now ? FAC. 'T was not my fault , sir , shee would speake with you . SVB. Would she , sir ? Follow me . MAM. Stay , Lungs . FAC. I dare not , sir . MAM. How ! 'Pray thee stay ? FAC. She 's mad , sir , and sent hether — MAM. Stay man , what is shee ? FAC. A lords sister , sir . ( Hee 'll be mad too . MAM. I warrant thee . ) Why sent hether ? FAC. Sir , to be cur'd . SVB. Why , raskall ! FAC. Loe you . Here , sir . MAM. 'Fore-god , a BRADAMANTE , a braue piece . SVR. Hart , this is a bawdy-house ! I 'll be burnt else . MAM. O , by this light , no . Doe not wrong him . H 'is Too scrulous , that way . It is his vice . No , h 'is a rare physitian , doe him right . An excellent Paracelsian ! and has done Strange cures with minerall physicke . He deales all With spirits , he . He will not heare a word Of GALEN , or his tedious recipe's . How now , Lungs ! FAC. Softly , sir , speake softly . I meant To ha' told your worship all . This must not heare . MAM. No , he will not be gull'd ; let him alone . FAC. Y' are very right , sir , shee is a most rare schollar ; And is gone mad , with studying BRAVGHTONS workes . If you but name a word , touching the Hebrew , Shee falls into her fit , and will discourse So learnedly of genealogies , As you would runne mad , too , to heare her , sir . MAM. How might one doe t' haue conference with her , Lungs ? FAC. O , diuers haue runne mad vpon the conference . I doe not know , sir : I am sent in hast , To fetch a violl . SVR. Be not gull'd , sir MAMMON . MAM. Wherein ? 'Pray yee , be patient . SVR. Yes , as you are . And trust confederate knaues , and bawdes , and whores . MAM. You are too foule , beleeue it . Come , here , Ulen . One word . FAC. I dare not , in good faith . MAM. Stay , knaue . FAC. H 'is extreme angrie , that you saw her , sir . MAM. Drinke that . What is shee , when shee 's out of her fit ? FAC. O , the most affablest creature , sir ! so merry ! So pleasant ! shee 'll mount you vp , like quick-siluer , Ouer the helme ; and circulate , like oyle , A very vegetall : discourse of state , Of mathematiques , bawdry , any thing — MAM. Is shee no way accessible ? no meanes , No trick , to giue a man a tast of her — wit — Or so ? — Ulen . FAC. I 'll come to you againe , sir . MAM. SVRLY , I did not thinke , one o' your breeding Would traduce personages of worth . SVR. Sir EPICVRE , Your friend to vse : yet still , loth to be gull'd . I doe not like your philosophicall bawdes . Their stone is lecherie inough , to pay for , Without this bait . MAM. 'Hart , you abuse your selfe . I know the lady , and her friends , and meanes , The originall of this disaster . Her brother H 'as told me all . SVR. And yet , you n'ere saw her Till now ? MAM. O , yes , but I forgot . I haue ( beleeue it ) One o' the trecherou'st memories , I doe thinke , Of all mankind . SVB. What call you her , brother ? MAM. My lord — He wi' not haue his name knowne , now I thinke on 't . SVR. A very trecherous memorie ! MAM. O' my faith — SVR. Tut , if you ha' it not about you , passe it , Till we meet next . MAM. Nay , by this hand , 't is true . Hee 's one I honour , and my noble friend , And I respect his house . SVR. Hart ! can it be , That a graue sir , a rich , that has no need , A wife sir , too , at other times , should thus With his owne oathes , and arguments , make hard meanes To gull himselfe ? And , this be your elixir , Your lapis mineralis , and your lunarie , Giue me your honest trick , yet , at primero , Or gleeke ; and take your lutum sapientis , Your menstruum simplex : I 'll haue gold , before you , And , with lesse danger of the quick-siluer ; Or the hot sulphur . FAC. Here 's one from Captain FACE , sir , Desires you meet him i' the Temple-church , Some halfe houre hence , and vpon earnest businesse . SIr , if you please to quit vs , now ; and come , Againe , within two houres : you shall haue My master busie examining o' the workes ; and I will steale you in , vnto the partie , That you may see her conuerse . Sir , shall I say , You 'll meet the Captaines worship ? SVR. Sir , I will . But , by attorney , and to a second purpose . Now , I am sure , it is a bawdy-house ; I 'll sweare it , were the Marshall here , to thanke me : The naming this Commander , doth confirme it . Don FACE ! Why , h' is the most autentique dealer I' these commodities ! The Superintendent To all , the queinter traffiquers , in towne . He is their Visiter , and do's appoint Who lyes with whom ; and at what houre ; what price ; Which gowne ; and in what smock ; what fall ; what tyre . Him , will I proue , by a third person , to find The subtilties of this darke labyrinth : Which , if I doe discouer , deare sir MAMMON , You 'll giue your poore friend leaue , though no Philosopher , To laugh : for you that are , 't is thought , shall weepe . FAC. Sir . He do's pray , you 'll not forget . SVR. I will not , sir . Sir EPICVRE , I shall leaue you ? MAM. I follow you , streight . FAC. But doe so , good sir , to auoid suspicion . This gent'man has a par'lous head . MAM. But wilt thou , Ulen , Be constant to thy promise ? FAC. As my life , sir . MAM. And wilt thou insinuate what I am ? and praise me ? And say I am a noble fellow ? FAC. O , what else , sir ? And , that you 'll make her royall ; with the stone , An Empresse ; and your selfe king of Bantam . MAM. Wilt thou doe this ? FAC. Will I , sir ? MAM. Lungs , my Lungs ! I loue thee . FAC. Send your stuffe , sir , that my master May busie himselfe , about proiection . MAM. Th' hast witch'd me , rogue : Take , goe . FAC. Your iack , & all , sir . MAM. Thou art a villaine — I will send my iack ; And the weights too . Slaue , I could bite thine eare . Away , thou dost not care for me . FAC. Not I , sir ? MAM. Come , I was borne to make thee , my good weasell ; Set thee on a bench : and , ha' thee twirle a chaine With the best lords vermine , of 'hem all . FAC. Away , sir . MAM. A Count , nay , a Count-palatine — FAC. Good sir , goe . MAM. Shall not aduance thee , better : no , nor faster .

Act II. Scene IIII . SVBTLE , FACE , DOL . HAs he bit ? Has he bit ? FAC. And swallow'd too , my SVBTLE . I ha' giu'n him line , and now he playes , I faith . SVB. And shall we twitch him ? FAC. Thorough both the gills . A wench is a rare bait , with which a man No sooner 's taken , but he straight firkes mad . SVB. DOL , my lord WHA'TS'HVMS sister , you must now Beare your selfe statelich . DOL. O , let me alone . I 'll not forget my race , I warrant you . I 'll keepe my distance , laugh , and talke aloud ; Haue all the tricks of a proud sciruy ladie , And be as rude 'as her woman . FAC. Well said , Sanguine . SVB. But will he send his andirons ? FAC. His iack too ; And 's iron shooing-horne : I ha' spoke to him . Well , I must not loose my wary gamster , yonder . SVB. O Monsieur Caution , that will not be gull'd ? FAC. I , if I can strike a fine hooke into him , now , The Temple-church , there I haue cast mine angle . Well , pray for me . I 'll about it . SVB. What , One knocke . more gudgeons ! DOL , scout , scout ; stay FACE , you must goe to the dore : 'Pray god , it be my Anabaptist . Who is 't , DOL ? DOL. I know him not . He lookes like a gold-end-man . SVB. Gods so ! 't is he , he said he would send . What call you him ? The sanctified Elder , that should deale For MAMMONS iack , and andirons ! Let him in . Stay , helpe me of , first , with my gowne . Away Ma-dame , to your with-drawing chamber . Now , In a new tune , new gesture , but old language . This fellow is sent , from one negotiates with me About the stone , too ; for the holy Brethren Of Amsterdam , the exil'd Saints : that hope To raise their discipline , by it . I must vse him In some strange fashion , now , to make him admire me .

Act II. Scene V. SVBTLE , FACE , ANANIAS . WHere is my drudge ? FAC. Sir . SVB. Take away the recipient , And rectifie your menstrue , from the phlegma . Then powre it , o' the Sol , in the cucurbite , And let 'hem macerate , together . FAC. Yes , sir . And saue the ground ? SVB. No . Terra damnata Must not haue entrance , in the worke . Who are you ? ANA. A faithfull Brother , if it please you . SVB. What 's that ? A Lullianist ? a Ripley ? Filius artis ? Can you sublime , and dulcefie ? calcine ? Know you the sapor pontick ? sapor slipstick ? Or , what is homogene , or heterogene ? ANA. I vnderstand no heathen language , truely . SVB. Heathen , you KNIPPER-DOLING ? Is Ars sacra , Or Chrysopoeia , or Spagirica , Or the pamphysick , or panarchick knowledge , A heathen language ? ANA. Heathen Greeke , I take it . SVB. How ? heathen Greeke ? ANA. All 's heathen , but the Hebrew . SVB. Sirah , my varlet , stand you forth , and speake to him Like a Philosopher : Answere , i' the language . Name the vexations , and the martyrizations Of mettalls , in the worke . FAC. Sir , Putrefaction , Solution , Ablution , Sublimation , Cohobations , Calcination , Ceration , and Fixation . SVB. This is heathen Greeke , to you , now ? And when comes Viuification ? FAC. After Mortification . SVB. What 's Cohobation ? FAC. 'T is the powring on Your Aqua Regis , and then drawing him off , To the trine circle of the seuen spheares . SVB. What 's the proper passion of mettalls ? FAC. Malleation . SVB. What 's your vltimum supplicium auri ? FAC. Antimonium . SVB. This 's heathen Greeke , to you ? And , what 's your Mercury ? FAC. A very fugitiue , he will be gone , sir . SVB. How know you him ? FAC. By his viscositie , His oleositie , and his suscitabilitie . SVB. How doe you sublime him ? FAC. With the calce of egge-shels , White marble , talck . SVB. Your magisterium , now ? What 's that ? FAC. Shifting , sir , your elements ,

Drie into cold , cold into moist , moist in to hot , hot into drie .

SVB. This 's heathen Greeke to you , still ? Your lapis philosophicus ? FAC. 'T is a stone , and not A stone ; a spirit , a soule , and a body : Which , if you doe dissolue , it is dissolu'd , If you coagulate , it is coagulated , If you make it to flye , it flyeth . SVB. Inough . This 's heathen Greeke , to you ? What are you , sir ? ANA. Please you , a seruant of the exil'd Brethren , That deale with widdowes , and with orphanes goods ; And make it a iust account , vnto the Saints : A Deacon . SVB. O , you are sent from master WHOLSOME , Your teacher ? ANA. From TRIBVLATION WHOLSOME , Our very zealous Pastor . SVB. Good . I haue Some orphanes goods to come here . ANA. Of what kind , sir ? SVB. Pewter , and brasse , andirons , and kitchin ware , Mettalls , that we must vse our med'cine on : Wherein the Brethren may haue a penn'orth . For readie money . ANA. Were the orphanes parents Sincere professors ? SVB. Why do you aske ? ANA. Because We then are to deale iustly , and giue ( in truth ) Their vtomost valew . SVB. " Slid , you 'ld cossen , else , And , if their parents were not of the faithfull ? I will not trust you , now I thinke on 't , Till I ha' talk'd with your Pastor . Ha' you brought money To buy more coales ? ANA. No , surely . SVB. No ? How so ? ANA. The Brethren bid me say vnto you , sir . Surely , they will not venter any more , Till they may see . proiection . SVB. How ! ANA. Yo 'haue had , For the instruments , as bricks , and lome , and glasses , Alreadie thirtie pound ; and , for materialls , They say , some ninetie more : And , they haue heard , since , That oe , at Heidelberg , made it , of an egge , And a small paper of pin-dust . SVB. What 's your name ? ANA. My name is ANANIAS . SVB. Out , the varlet That cossend the Apostles ! Hence , away , Flee Mischiefe ; had your holy Consistorie No name to send me , of another sound ; Then wicked ANANIAS ? Send your Elders , Hither , to make atonement for you , quickly . And gi' me satisfaction ; or out-goes The fire : and downe th' alembekes , and the fornace . Piger Henricus , or what not . Thou wretch , Both Sericon , and Bufo , shall be lost , Tell 'hem . All hope of rooting out the Bishops , Or th' Antichristian Hierarchie shall perish , If they stay threescore minutes . The Aqueitie , Terrestie , and Sulphureitie Shall runne together againe , an all be annull'd Thou wicked ANANIAS . This will fetch 'hem , And make 'hem hast towards their gulling more . A man must deale like a rough nurse , and fright Those , that are froward , to an appetite .

Act II. Scene VI. FACE , SVBTLE , DRVGGER . H 'Is busie with his spirits , but wee 'll vpon him . SVB. How now ! What mates ? What Bairards ha' wee here ? FAC. I told you , he would be furious . Sir , here 's NAB , Has brought yo' another old piece of gold , to looke on : ( We must appease him . Giue it me ) and prayes you , You would deuise ( what is it NAB ? ) DRV. A signe , sir . FAC. I , a good lucky one , a thriuing signe , Doctor . SVB. I was deuising now . FAC. ( 'Slight , doe not say so , He will repent he ga' you any more . ) What say you to his constellation , Doctor ? The Ballance ? SVB. Not , that way is stale , and common . A townes-man , borne in Taurus , giues the bull Or the bulls-head : in Aries , the ram . A poor deuice . No , I will haue his name Form'd in some mystick character ; whose radij , Striking the senses of the passers by , Shall , by a vertuall influence , breed affections , That may result vpon the partie ownes it : As thus — FAC. NAB ! SVB. He first shall haue a bell , that 's ABEL ; And , by it , standing one , whose name is d ee , In a rugg gowne ; there 's D. and Rug , that 's DRVG : And , right anenst him , a Dog snarling Er ; There 's DRVGGER , ABEL DRVGGER . That 's his signe . And here 's now mysterie , and hieroglyphick ! FAC. ABEL , thou art made . DRV. Sir , I doe thanke his worship . FAC. Sixe o' thy legs more , will not doe it , NAB . He has brought you a pipe of tabacco , Doctor . DRV. Yes , sir : I haue another thing , I would impart — FAC. Out with it , NAB . DRV. Sir , there is lodg'd , hard by me , A rich yong widdow — FAC. Good ! a bona roba ? DRV. But nineteene , at the most . FAC. Very good , ABEL . DRV. Mary , sh 'is not in fashion , yet ; shee weares A hood : but 't stands a cop . FAC. No matter , ABEL . DRV. And , I doe , now and then giue her a fucus — FAC. What! dost thou deale , NAB ? SVB. I did tell you , Captaine . DRV. And physick too sometime , sir : for which shee trusts me With all her mind . Shee 's come vp here , of purpose To learne the fashion . FAC. Good ( his match too ! ) on , NAB . DRV. And shee do's strangely long to know her fortune . FAC. Gods lid , NAB , Send her to the Doctor , hether . DRV. Yes , I haue spoke to her of his worship , alreadie : But shee 's afraid , it will be blowne abroad And hurt her marriage . FAC. Hurt it ? 'T is the way To heale it , if 't were hurt ; to make it more Follow'd , and sought : NAB , thou shalt tell her this . Shee 'll be more knowne , more talk'd of , and your widdowes Are ne'er of any price till they be famous ; Their honour is their multitude of sutors : Send her , it may be thy good fortune . What ? Thou dost not know . DRV. No , sir , shee 'll neuer marry Vnder a knight . Her brother has made a vow . FAC. What , and dost thou despaire , my little NAB , Knowing , what the Doctor has set downe for thee , And , seeing so many , o' the citie , dub'd ? One glasse o' thy water , with a Madame , I know , Will haue it done , NAB. What 's her brother ? a knight ? DRV. No , sir , a gentleman , newly warme in his land , sir , Scarse cold in his one and twentie ; that do's gouerne His sister , here : and is a man himselfe Of some three thousand a yeere , and is come vp To learne to quarrell , and to liue by his wits , And will goe downe againe , and dye i' the countrey . FAC. How ! to quarrell ? DRV. Yes , sir , to carry quarrells , As gallants doe , and manage 'hem , by line . FAC. 'Slid , NAB ! The Doctor is the onely man In Christendome for him . He has made a table , With Mathematicall demonstrations , Touching the Art of quarrells . He will giue him An instrument to quarrell by . Goe , bring 'hem , both : Him , and his sister . And , for thee , with her The Doctor happ'ly may perswade . Goe to . 'Shalt giue his worship , a new damaske suite Vpon the premisses . SVB. O , good Captaine . FAC. He shall , He is the honestest fellow , Doctor . Stay not , No offers , bring the damaske , and the parties . DRV. I 'll trie my power , sir . FAC. And thy will too , NAB . SVB. 'T is good tabacco this ! What is 't an ounce ? FAC. He 'll send you a pound , Doctor . SVB. O , no . FAC. He will do 't . It is the gooddest soule . ABEL , about it . ( Thou shalt know more anone . Away , be gone . ) A miserable rogue , and liues with cheese , And has the wormes . That was the cause indeed Why he came now . He dealt with me , in priuate , To get a med'cine for 'hem . SVB. And shall , sir . This workes . FAC. A wife , a wife , for one on' vs , my deare SVBTLE : Wee 'll eene draw lots , and he , that failes , shall haue The more in goods , the other has in taile . SVB. Rather the lesse . For shee may be so light Shee may want graines . FAC. I , or be such a burden , A man would scarse endure her , for the whole . SVB. Faith , best let 's see her first , and then determine . FAC. Content . But DOL must ha' no breath on 't . SVB. Mum . Away , you to your SVRLY yonder , catch him . FAC. 'Pray god , I ha' not stai'd too long . SVB. I feare it .

Act III. Scene I. TRIBVLATION , ANANIAS . THese chastisements are common to the Saints , And such rebukes we of the Separation Must beare , with willing shoulders , as the trialls Sent forth , to tempt our frailties . ANA. In pure zeale , I doe not like the man : He is a heathen . And speakes the language of Canaan , truely . TRI. I thinke him a prophane person , indeed . ANA. He beares The visible marke of the Beast , in his fore-head . And for his Stone , it is a worke of darknesse , And , with Philisophie , blinds the eyes of man . TRI. Good Brother , we must bend vnto all meanes , That may giue furtherance , to the holy cause . ANA. Which his cannot : The sanctified cause Should haue a sanctified course . TRI. Not alwaies necessary . The children of perdition are oft-times , Made instruments euen of the greatest workes . Beside , we should giue somewhat to mans nature , The place he liues in , still about the fire , And fume of mettalls , that intoxicate The braine of man , and make him prone to passion . Where haue you greater Atheists , then your Cookes ? Or more prophane , or cholerick then your Glasse-men ? More Antichristian , then your Bell-founders ? What makes the Deuill so deuillish , I would aske you , Sathan , our common enemie , but his being Perpetually about the fire , and boyling Brimstone , and arsnike ? We must giue , I say , Vnto the motiues , and the stirrers vp Of humours in the bloud . It may be so . When as the worke is done , the stone is made , This heate of his may turne into a zeale , And stand vp for the beauteous discipline , Against the menstruous cloth , and ragg of Rome . We must await his calling , and the comming Of the good spirit . You did fault , t' vpbraid him With the Brethrens blessing of Heidelberg , waighing What need we haue , to hasten on the worke , For the restoring of the silenc'd Saints , Which ne'er will be , but by the Philosophers stone . And , so a learned Elder , one of Scotland , Assur'd me ; Aurum potabile being The onely med'cine , for the ciuill Magistrate , T' incline him to a feeling of the cause : And must be daily vs'd , in the disease . ANA. I haue not edified more , truely , by man ; Not , since the beautifull light , first , shone on me : And I am sad , my zeale hath so offended . TRI. Let vs call on him , then . ANA. The motion 's good , And of the spirit ; I will knock first : Peace be within .

Act III. Scene II. SVBTLE , TRIBVLATION , ANANIAS . O , Are you come ? 'T was time . Your threescore minutes Were at the last thred , you see ; and downe had gone Furnus acediae , Turris circulatorius : Lembeke , Bolts-head , Retort , and Pellicane Had all beene cinders . Wicked ANANIAS ! TRI. Sir , be appeased , he is come to humble Himselfe in spirit , and to aske your patience , If too mch zeale hath carried him , aside , From the due path . SVB. This qualifies , most ! Why , thus it should be now you vnderstand . Haue I discours'd so vnto you , of our Stone ? And , of the good that it shall bring your cause ? Shew'd you , ( beside the mayne of hiring forces Abroad , drawing the Hollanders , your friends , From th' Indies , to serue you , with all their fleete ) That euen the med'cinall vse shall make you a faction , And party in the realme ? As , put the case , That some great man in state , he haue the gout , Why , you but send three droppes of your Elixir , You helpe him straight : there you haue made a friend . Another has the palsey , or the dropsie , He take of your incombustible stuffe , Hee 's yong againe : there you haue made a friend . A Lady , that is past the feate of body , though not of minde , and hath her face decay'd Beyond all cure of paintings , you restore Withe the oyle of Talek ; there you haue made a friend : And all her friends . A lord , that is a Leper , A knight , that has the bone-ache , or a squire That hath both these , you make 'hem smooth , and sound , With a bare fricace of your med'cine : still , You increase your friends . TRI. I , 't is very pregnant . SVB. And , then , the turning of this Lawyers pewter To plate , at Christ-masse — ANA. Christ-tide , I pray you . SVB. Yet , ANANIAS ? ANA. I haue done . SVB. Or changing His parcell guilt , to massie gold . You cannot But raise you friends . With all , to be of power To pay an armie , in the field , to buy The king of France , out of his realmes ; or Spaine ; Out of his Indies : What can you not doe , Against lords spirituall , or temporall , That shall oppone you ? TRI. Verily , 't is true . We may be temporall lords , our selues , I take it . SVB. You may be any thing , and leaue off to make Long-winded exercises : or suck vp , Your ha , and hum , in a tune . I not denie , But such as are not graced , in a state , May , for their ends , be aduerse in religion , And get a tune , to call the flock together : For ( to say sooth ) a tune do's much , with women , And other phlegmatick people , it is your bell . ANA. Bells are prophane : a tune may be religious . SVB. No warning with you ? Then , farewell my patience . 'Slight , it shall downe : I will not be thus tortur'd . TRI. I pray you , sir . SVB. All shall perish . I haue spoke it . TRI. Let me find grace , sir , in your eyes ; the man He stands corrected : neither did his zeale ( But as your selfe ) allow a tune , some-where . Which , now , being to'ard the stone , we shall not need . SVB. No , nor your holy vizard , to winne widdowes To giue you legacies ; or make zealous wiues To rob their husbands , for the common cause : Nor take the start of bonds , broke but one day , And say , they were forfeited , by prouidence . Nor shall you need , ore-night to eate huge meales , To celebrate your next daies fast the better : The whilst the Brethren , and the Sisters , humbled , Abate the stiffenesse of the flesh . Nor cast Before your hungrie hearers , scrupulous bones , As whether a Christian may hawke , or hunt ; Or whether , Matrons , of the holy assembly , May lay their haire out , or weare doublets : Or haue that idoll Starch , about their linnen . ANA. It is , indeed , an idoll . TRI. Mind him not , sir . I doe command thee , spirit ( of zeale , but trouble ) To peace within him . Pray you , sir , goe on . SVB. Nor shall you need to libell 'gainst the Prelates , And shorten so your eares , against the hearing Of the next wire-drawne grace . Nor , of necessitie , Raile against playes , to please the Alderman , Whose daily custard you deuoure . Nor lie With zealous rage , till you are hoarse . Not one Of these so singular arts . Nor call your selues , By names of TRIBVLATION , PERSECVTION , RESTRAINT , LONG-PATIENCE , and such like , affected By the whole family , or wood of you , Onely for glorie , and to catch the eare Of the Disciple . TRI. Truely , sir , they are Wayes , that the godly Brethren haue inuent'd For propagation of the glorious cause , As very notable meanes , and whereby , also , Themselues grow soone , and profitably famous . SVB. O , but the stone , all 's idle to 'it ! nothing ! The art of Angels , Natures miracle , The diuine secret , that doth flye in clouds , From east to west : and whose tradition Is not from men , but spirits . ANA. I hate Traditions : I do not trust them — TRI. Peace . ANA. They are Popish , all . I will not peace . I will not — TRI. ANANIAS . ANA. Please the prophane , to grieue the godly : I may not . SVB. Well , ANANIAS , thou shalt ouer-come . TRI. It is an ignorant zeale , that haunts him , sir . But truely , else , a very faithfull Brother , A botcher : and a man , by reuelation , That hath a competent knowledge of the truth . SVB. Has he a competent summe , there , i' the bagg , To buy the goods , within ? I am made guardian , And must , for charitie , and conscience sake , Now , see the most be made , for my poore orphane : Though I desire the Brethren , too , good gayners . There , they are , within . When you haue view'd , & bought 'hem , And tane the inuentorie of what they are , They are readie for proiection ; there 's no more To doe : cast on the med'cine , so much siluer As there is tinne there , so much gold as brasse , I 'll gi' it you in , by waight . TRI. But how long time , Sir , must the Saints expect , yet ? SVB. Let me see , How 's the moone , now ? Eight , nine , ten dayes hence He will be siluer potate ; then , three dayes , Before he citronise : some fifteene dayes , The Magisterium will be perfected . ANA. About the second day , of the third weeke , In the ninth month ? SVB. Yes , my good ANANIAS . TRI. What will the orphanes goods arise to , thinke you ? SVB. Some hundred markes ; as much as fill'd three carres , Vnladed now : you 'll make sixe millions of 'hem . But I must ha' more coales laid in . TRI. How ! SVB. Another load , And then we ha' finish'd . We must now encrease Our fire to ignis ardens , we are past Fimus equinus , Balnei , Cineris , And all those lenter heats . If the holy purse Should , with this draught , fall low , and that the Saints Doe need a present summe , I haue trick To melt the pewter , you shall buy now , instantly , And , with a tincture , make you as good Dutch dollers , As any are in Holland . TRI. Can you so ? SVB. I , and shall bide the third examination . ANA. It will be ioyfull tidings to the Brethren . SVB. But you must carry it , secret . TRI. I , but stay , This act of coyning , is it lawfull ? ANA. Lawfull ? We know no Magistrate . Or , if we did , This 's forraine coyne . SVB. It is no coyning , sir . It is but casting . TRI. Ha ? you distinguish well . Casting of money may be lawfull . ANA. 'T is , sir . TRI. Truely , I take it so . SVB. There is no scruple , Sir , to be made of it ; beleeue ANANIAS : This case of conscience he is studied in . TRI. I 'll make a question of it , to the Brethren . ANA. The Brethren shall approue it lawfull , doubt not . Where shall 't be done ? SVB. For that wee 'll talke , anone . Knock without . There 's some to speake with me . Goe in , I pray you , And view the parcells . That 's the inuentorie . I 'll come to you straight . Who is it ? FACE ! Appeare .

Act III. Scene III. SVBTLE , FACE , DOL . HOw now ? Good prise ? FAC. Good poxe ! Yond' caustiue cheater Neuer came on . SVB. How then ? FAC. I ha' walk'd the round , Till now , and no such thing . SVB. And ha' you quit him ? FAC. Quit him ? and hell would quit him too , he were happy . 'Slight would you haue me stalke like a mill-iade . All day , for one , that will not yeeld vs graines ? I know him of old . SVB. O , but to ha' gull'd him , Had beene a maistry . FAC. Let him goe , black Boy , And turne thee , that some fresh newes may possesse thee . A noble Count , a Don of Spaine ( my deare Delicious compeere , and my partie-bawd ) Who is come hether , priuate , for his conscience , And brought munition with him , sixe great slopps , Bigger then three Dutch hoighs , beside round trunkes , Furnish'd with pistolets , and pieces of eight , Will straight be here , my rogue , to haue thy bath ( That is the colour , ) and to make his battry Vpon our DOL , our Castle , our cinque-Port , Our Douer pire , our what thou wilt . Where is shee ? Shee must prepare perfumes , delicate linnen , The bath in chiefe , a banquet , and her wit , For shee must milke his Epididimis . Where is the Doxie ? SVB. I 'll send her to thee : And but dispatch my brace of little IOHN LEYDENS , And come againe my selfe . FAC. Are they within then ? SVB. Numbring the summe . FAC. How much ? SVB. A hundred marks , Boy . FAC. Why , this 's a lucky day ! Ten pounds of MAMMON ! Three o' my clarke ! A portague o' my grocer ! This o' the Brethren ! beside reuersions , And states , to come i' the widdow , and my Count ! My share , to day , will not be bought for fortie — DOL. What ? FAC. Pounds , daintie DOROTHEE , art thou so neere ? DOL. Yes , say lord Generall , how fares our campe ? FAC. As , with the few , that had entrench'd themselues Safe , by their discipline , against a world , DOL : And laugh'd , within those trenches , and grew fat With thinking on the booties , DOL , brought in Daily , by their small parties . This deare houre , A doughtie Don is taken , with my DOL ; And thou maist make his ransome , what thou wilt , My Dousabell : He shall be brought here , fetter'd With thy faire lookes , before he see 's thee ; and throwne In a downe-bed , as darke as any dungeon ; Where thou shalt keepe him waking , with thy drum ; Thy drum , my DOL ; thy drum ; till he be tame As the poore black-birds were i' the great frost , Or bees are with a bason : and so hiue him I' the swan-skin couerlid , and cambrick sheets , Till he worke honey , and waxe , my little Gods-guift . DOL. What is he , Generall ? FAC. An Adalantado , A Grande , girle . Was not my DAPPER here , yet ? DOL. No . FAC. Nor my DRVGGER ? DOL. Neither . FAC. A poxe on 'hem . They are so long a furnishing ! Such stinkards Would not be seene , vpon these festiuall dayes . How now ! ha' you done ? SVB. Done . They are gone . The summe Is here in banque , my FACE . I would , we knew Another chapman , now , would buy 'hem outright . FAC. 'Slid , NAB shall do 't against he ha' the widdow , To furnish houshold . SVB. Excellent , well thought on : Pray God he come . FAC. I pray he keepe away Till our new business be o're-past . SVB. But , FACE , How cam'st thou , by this secret Don ? FAC. A spirit Brought me th' intelligence , in a paper , here , As I was conjuring yonder in my circle For SVRLY ; I ha' my flies abroad . Your bath Is famous , SVBTLE , by my means . Sweet DOL , You must go tune your virginall , no loosing O' the least time . And , doe you heare ? good action . Firke , like a flounder ; kisse , like a scallop , close : And tickle him with thy mother-tongue . His great VERDVGO-ship has not a iot of language ; So much the easier to be cossined , my DOLLY He will come here in a hir'd coach , obscure , And our owne coach-man , whom I have sent , as guide , No creature else . One knocks Who 's that ? SVB. It i' not he ? FAC. O no , not yet this hour . SVB. Who is 't ? DOL. Dapper , Your Clarke . FAC. God's will then , Queene of Faerie , On with your tyre ; and , Doctor , with your robes . Let 's dispatch him for gods sake . SVB. 'T will be long . FAC. I warrant you , take but the cues I give you , It shall be briefe inough . 'Slight , here are more ! ABEL , and I think the angrie boy , the heire , That faine would quarrel . SVB. And the widdow ? FAC. No , Not that I see . Away ! O sir , you are welcome .

Act III. Scene IIII. FACE , DAPPER , DRUVGGER , KASTRILL THe Doctor is within , a mouing for you ; ( I haue had the most adoe to winne him to it ) He sweares , you 'll be the dearling o' the dice : He neuer heard her Highnesse dote , till now ( he sayes . ) Your aunt has giu'n you the most gracious words , That can be thought on . DAP. Shall I see her Grace FAC. See her , and kisse her , too . What ? honest NAB ! Ha'st brought the damaske ? NAB. No , sir , here 's tabacco FAC. 'T is well done , NAB : Thou 'lt bring the damaske too ? DRV. Yes , here 's the gentleman , Captaine , master KASTRIL , I haue brought to see the Doctor . FAC. Where 's the widdow ? DRV. Sir , as he likes , his sister ( he sayes ) shall come . FAC. O , is it so ? ' good time . Is your name KASTRIL , sir ? KAS. I , and the best o' the KASTRILS , I 'lld be sorry else , By fifteene hundred , a yeere . Where is this Doctor ? My mad tabacco-Boy , here , tells me of one That can doe things . Has he any skill ? FAC. Wherein , sir ? KAS. To carry a businesse , manage a quarrel , fairely , Vpon fit termes . FAC. It seemes , sir , yo' are but young About the towne , that can make that question ! KAS. Sir , not so yong , but I haue heard some speech Of the angrie Boyes , and seene 'hem take tabacco ; And in his shop : and I can take it too . And I would faine be one of 'hem , and goe downe And practise i' the countrey . FAC. Sir , for the Duello , The Doctor , I assure you , shall informe you , To the least shaddow of a haire : and shew you , An instrument he has , of his owne making , Where-with , no sooner shall you make report Of any quarrel , but he will take the height on 't , Most instantly ; and tell in what degree , Of saf'ty it lies in or mortalitie . And , how it may be borne , whether in a right line , Or a halfe-circle ; or may , else , be cast Into an angle blunt , if not acute : All this he will demonstrate . And then , rules , To giue and take the lie , by . KAS. How ? to take it ? Yes , in oblique , hee 'll shew you ; or in circle But neuer in diameter . The whole towne Studies hi theoremes , and dispute them , ordinarily , At the eating Academies . But , do's he teach Liuing , by the wits , too ? Any thing , what euer . You cannot thinke that subtiltie , but he reades it . He made me a Captaine . I was a starke pimpe , Iust o' your standing , 'fore I met with him : It is not two months since . I 'll tell you his method . First , he will enter you , at some ordinarie . KAS. No , I 'll not come there . You shall pardon me . FAC. For why , sir KAS. There 's gaming there , and tricks . FAC. Why would you be A gallant , and not game ? KAS. I , 't will spend a man . FAC. Spend you ? It will repair you , when you are spent . How doe they liue by their wits , there , that haue vented Sixe times your fortunes ? KAS. What , three thousand a yeere ! FAC. I , fortie thousand KAS. Are there such ? FAC. I , sir And gallants , yet . Here 's a yong gentleman , Is borne to nothing , fortie markes a yeere , Which I count nothing . H 'is to be initiated , And haue a flye o' the Doctor . He will winne you By vnresistable lucke , within this fortnight , Inough to buy a baronie . They will set him Vpmost , at the Groome-porters , all the Christmasse ! And , for the whole yeere through , at euerie place , Where there is play , present him with the chaire ; The best attendance , the best drinke , sometimes Two glasses of canarie , and pay nothing ; The purest linnen , and the sharpest knife , The partrich next his trencher : and , somewhere , The daintie bed , in priuate , with the daintie . You shall ha' your ordinaries bid for him , As play-houses for a poet ; and the master Pray him , aloud , to name what dish he affects , Which must be butterd shrimps : and those that drinke To no mouth else , will drinke to his , as being The goodly , president mouth of all the boord . KAS. Doe you not gull one ? FAC. 'Od's my life ! Do you thinke it ? You shall haue a cast commander , ( can but get In credit with a glouer , or a spurrier , For some two paire , of eithers ware , afore-hand ) Will , by most swift posts , dealing with him , Arriue at competent meanes , to keepe himselfe , His punke , and naked boy , in excellent fashion . And be admir'd for 't . KAS. Will the Doctor teach this ? FAC. He will doe more , sir , when your land is gone , ( As men of spirit hate to keepe earth long ( In a vacation , when small monie is stirring , And ordinaries suspended till the tearme , Hee 'll shew a perspectiue , where on one side You shall behold the faces , and the persons Of all sufficient yong heires , in towne , Whose bonds are currant for commoditie ; On th' other side , the marchants formes , and others , ( That , without helpe of any second broker , ( Who would expect a share ) will trust such parcels : In the third square , the verie street , and signe Where the commoditie dwels , and do's but wait To be deliuer'd , be it pepper , sope , Hops , or tabacco , oat-meale , woad , or cheeses . All which you may so handle , to enioy , To your owne vse , and neuer stand oblig'd . KAS. I'faith ! Is he such a fellow ? FAC. Why , NAB here knowes him . And then for making matches , for rich widdowes , Yong gentlewomen , heyres , the fortunat'st man ! Hee 's sent too , farre , and neere , all ouer England , To haue his counsell , and to know their fortunes . KAS. Gods will , my suster shall see him . FAC. I 'll tell you , sir , What he did tell me of NAB . It 's a strange thing ! ( By the way you must eate no cheese , NAB , it breeds melancholy : And that same melancholy breeds wormes ) but passe it , He told me , honest NAB , here , was ne'er at tauerne , But once in 's life ! DRV. Truth , and no more I was not . FAC. And , then he was so sick — DRV. Could he tell you that , too ? FAC. How should I know it ? DRV. In troth we had beene a shooting , And had a piece of fat ram-mutton , to supper , That lay so heauy o' my stomack — FAC. And he has no head To beare any wine ; for , what with the noise o' the fiddlers , And care of his shop , for he dares keepe no seruants — DRV. My head did so ake — FAC. As he was faine to be brought home , The Doctor told me . And then , a good old woman — DRV. ( Yes faith , shee dwells in Sea-coale-lane ) did cure me , With sodden ale , and pellitorie o' the wall : Cost me but two pence . I had another sicknesse , Was worse then that . FAC. I , that was with the griefe Thou took'st for being sess'd at eighteene pence , For the water-worke . DRV. In truth , and it was like T' haue cost me almost my life . FAC. Thy haire went off ? DRV. Yes , sir , 't was done for spight . FAC. Nay , so sayes the Doctor . KAS. Pray thee , tabacco-Boy , goe fetch my suster , I 'll see this learned Boy , before I goe : And so shall shee . FAC. Sir , he is busie now : But , if you haue a sister to fetch hether , Perhaps , your owne paines may command her sooner ; And he , by that time , will be free . KAS. I goe . FAC. DRVGGER , shee 's thine : the damaske . ( SVBTLE , and I Must wrastle for her . ) Come on , master DAPPER . You see , how I turne clients , here , away , To giue your cause dispatch . Ha' you perform'd The ceremonies were inioyn'd you ? DAP. Yes , o' the vinegar , And the cleane shirt . FAC. 'T is well : that shirt may doe you More worship then you thinke . Your aunt 's a fire But that shee will not shew it , t' haue a sight on you . Ha' you prouided for her Graces seruants ? DAP. Yes , here are sixe-score EDWARD shillings . FAC. Good . DAP. And an old HARRY'S soueraigne . FAC. Very good . DAP. And three IAMES shillings , and an ELIZABETH groat , Iust twentie nobles . FAC. O , you are too iust . I would you had had the other noble in MARIES . DAP. I haue some PHILIP , and MARIES . FAC. I , those same Are best of all . Where are theuy ? Harke , the Doctor .

ACT III , Scene V. SVBTLE , FACE , DAPPER , DOL Subtle disguis'd like a Priest of Faery Is yet her Graces cossen come ? FAC. He is come . SVB. And is he fasting ? FAC. Yes SVB. And hath cry'd hum ? FAC. Thrise , you must answer . DAP. Thrise SVB. And as oft buz ? FAC. If you haue , say . DAP. I haue . SVB. Then , to her cuz , Hoping , that he hath vinegard his senses , As he was bid , the Faery Queene dispenses , By me , this robe , the petticote of FORTUNE ; Which that he straight put on , shee doth importune . And though to FORTUNE neere be her petticote Yet , neerer is her smock , the Queene doth note : And , therefore , euen of that piece shee hath sent , Which , being a child , to wrap him in , was rent ; And prayes him , for a scarfe , he now will weare it ( With as much loue , as then her Grace did teare it ) They blind him with a rag . About his eyes , to shew , he is fortunate . And , trusting vnto her to make his state , He 'll throw away all wordly pelfe , about him ; Which that he will performe , shee doth not doubt him . FAC. Shee need not doubt him , sir . Alas , he has nothing , But what he will part withall , as willingly , Vpon her Graces word ( throw away your purse ) As shee would aske it : ( handkerchiefs , and all ) Shee cannot bid that thing , but hee 'll obay . ( If you haue a ring , about you , cast it off , He throwes away , as they bid him . Or a siluer seale , at your wrist , her Grace will send Her Faeries here to search you , therefore deale Directly with her Highnesse . If they find That you conceale a mite , you are vn-done . DAP. Truely , there 's all . FAC. All what ? DAP. My money , truly FAC. Keep nothing , that is transitorie , about you . Dol enters with a cittern : they pinch him ( Bid DOL play musique . ) Looke , the Elues are come To pinch you , if you tell not truth . Aduise you . DAP. O , I haue a paper with a spur-ryall in 't . FAC. Ti , ti They knew 't , they say . SVB. Ti , ti , ti , ti , he has more yet . FAC. Ti , ti-ti-ti . I' the other pocket ? SVB. Titi , titi , titi , titi . They must pinch him , or he will neuer confessse , they say . DAP. O , ô FAC. Nay , 'pray you hold . He is her Graces nephew . Ti , ti , ti ? What care you ? Good faith , you shall care . Deale plainly , sir , and shame the Faeries . Shew You are an innocent . DAP. By this good light , I ha' nothing . SVB Ti ti , tititota . He do's equiuocate , shee sayes : Ti , ti do ti , ti ti do , ti da . And sweares by the light , when he is blinded . DAP. By this good darke , I ha' nothing but a halfe-crown Of gold , about my wrist , that my loue gaue me ; And a leaden heart I wore , sin' shee forsooke me . FAC. I thought , 't was something . And , would you incurre Your aunts displeasure for these trifles ? Come , I had rather you had throwne away twentie halfe-crownes . You may weare you leaden heart still . How now ? SVB. What newes . DOL ? DOL. Yonder 's your knight , sir MAMMON . FAC. Gods lid , we neuer thought of him , till now . Where is he ? DOL Here , hard by . H 'is at the doore . SVB And , you are not readie , now ? DOL , get his suit . He must not be sent back . FAC .. What shall we doe with this same Puffin , here , Now he 's o' the spit ? SVB. Why , lay him back a while , With some deuice . Ti , ti ti , ti ti ti . Would her Grace speake with me ? I come . Helpe , DOL . FAC. Who 's there ? Sir EPICURE ; He speakes through the key-hole , the other knocking . My master 's i' the way . Please you to walke Three or foure turnes , but till his back be turn'd , And I am for you . Quickly , DOL . SVB. Her Grace Commends her kindly to you , master DAPPER . DAP. I long to see her Grace . She , now , is set At dinner , in her bed ; and shee has sent you , From her owne priuate trencher , a dead mouse , And a piece of ginger-bread , to be merry withall , And stay your stomack , lest you faint with fasting : Yet , if you could hold out , till shee saw you ( shee sayes ) It would be better for you . FAC Sir , he shall Hold out , and 't were this two houres , for her Highnesse ; I can assure you that . We will not loose All we ha' done — SVB. He must nor see , nor speake To any body , till then . FAC. For that , wee 'll put , sir , A stay in'is mouth . SVB. Of what ? FAC. Of ginger-bread Make you it fit . He that hath pleas'd her Grace , Thus farre , shall not now crinckle , for a little . Gape sir , and let him fit you . SVB. Where shall we now Bestow him ? DOL. I' the priuie . SVB. Come along , sir , I now must shew you Fortunes priuy lodgings . FAC. Are they perfum'd ? and his bath readie ? SVB. All. Only the Fumigation's somewhat strong . FAC. Sir EPICVRE . I am yours , sir , by and by

Act IIII. Scene I. FACE , MAMMON , DOL . O , Sir , yo' are come i' the onely , finest time — MAM. Where 's master ? FAC. Now preparing for proiection , sir . Your stuffe will b' all chang'd shortly . MAM. Into gold ? FAC. To gold , and siluer , sir . MAM. Siluer , I care not for . FAC. Yes , sir , a little to giue beggars . MAM. Where 's the lady ? FAC. At hand , here . I ha' told her such braue things , o' you , Touching your bountie and your noble spirit — MAM. Hast thou ? FAC. As shee is almost in her fit to see you . But , good sir , no diuinitie i' your conference , For feare of putting her in rage — MAM. I warrant thee . FAC. Sixe men will not hold her downe . And , then If the old man should heare , or see you — MAM. Feare not . FAC. The very house , sir , would runne mad . You know it How scrupulous he is , and violent , 'Gainst the least act of sinne . Physick , or Mathematiques , Poetrie , State , or Bawdry ( as I told you ) Shee will endure , and neuer startle : But No word of controuersie . MAM. I am school'd , good Ulen . FAC. And you must praise her house , remember that , And her nobilitie . MAM. Let me , alone : No Herald , no nor Antiquarie , Lungs , Shall doe it better . Goe . FAC. Why , this is yet A kind of moderne happinesse , to haue DOL Common for a great lady . MAM. Now , EPICVRE , Heighten thy selfe , talke to her , all in gold ; Raine her as many showers , as IOVE did drops Vnto his DANAE : Shew the God a miser , Compar'd with MAMMON . What ? the stone will do 't . Shee shall feele gold , tast gold , heare gold , sleepe gold : Nay , we will concumbere gold . I will be puissant , And mightie in my talke to her ! Here shee comes . FAC. To him , DOL , suckle him . This is the noble knight , I told your ladiship — MAM. Madame , with your pardon , I kisse your vesture . DOL. Sir , I were vn-ciuill If I would suffer that , my lip to you , sir . MAM. I hope , my lord your brother be in health , lady ? DOL. My lord , my brother is , though I no ladie , sir . FAC. ( Well said my Guiny-bird . ) MAM. Right noble madame — FAC. ( O , we shall haue most fierce idolatrie ! ) MAM. 'T is your prerogatiue . DOL. Rather your courtesie . MAM. Were there nought else t' inlarge your vertues , to me , These answeres speake your breeding , and your bloud . DOL. Bloud we boast none , sir , a poore Baron's daughter . MAM. Poore ! and gat you ? Prophane not . Had your father Slept all the happy remnant of his life After that act , lyen but there still , and panted , H' had done inough , to make himselfe , his issue , And his posteritie noble . DOL. Sir , although We may be said to want the guilt , and trappings , The dresse of honor ; yet we striue to keepe The seedes , and the materialls . MAM. I doe see The old ingredient , vertue , was not lost , Nor the drug money , vs'd to make your compound . There is a strange nobilitie , i' your eye , This lip , that chin ! Me thinks you doe resemble One o' the Austriack princes . FAC. Very like , Her father was an Irish costar-monger . MAM. The house of Valois , iust , had such a nose . And such a fore-head , yet , the Medici Of Florence boast . DOL. Troth , and I haue beene lik'ned To all these Princes . FAC. I 'll be sworne , I heard it . MAM. I know not how ! it is not any one , But ee'n the very choise of all their features . FAC. I 'll in , and laugh . MAM. A certaine touch , or aire , That sparkles a diuinitie , beyond An earthly beautie ! DOL. O , you play the courtier . MAM. Good lady , gi' me leaue — DOL. In faith , I may not , To mock me , sir . MAM. To burne i' this sweet flame : The Phoenix neuer knew a nobler death . DOL. Nay , now you court the courtier : and destroy What you would build . This art , sir , i' your words , Calls your whole faith in question . MAM. By my soule — DOL. Nay , oathes are made o' the same aire , sir . MAM. Nature Neuer bestow'd vpon mortalitie , A more vnblam'd , a more harmonious feature : Shee play'd the step-dame in all faces , else . Sweet madame , le' me be particular — DOL. Particular , sir ? I pray you , know your distance . MAM. In no ill sense , sweet lady , but to aske How your faire graces passe the houres ? I see Yo' are lodg'd , here , i' the house of a rare man , An excellent Artist : but , what 's that to you ? DOL. Yes , sir . I studie here the mathematiques , And distillation . MAM. O , I crie your pardon . H' is a diuine instructer ! can extract The soules of all things , by his art ; call all The vertues , and the miracles of the Sunne , Into a temperate fornace : teach dull nature What her owne forces are . A man , the Emp'rour Has courted , aboue KELLEY : sent his medalls , And chaines , t' inuite him . DOL. I , and for his physick , sir — — MAM. Aboue the art of AESCVLAPIVS , That drew the enuy of the Thunderer I know all this , and more . DOL. Troth , I am taken , sir , Whole , with these studies , that contemplate nature : MAM. It is a noble humour . But , this forme Was not intended to so dark a vse ! Had you beene crooked , foule , of some course mould , A cloyster had done well : but , such a feature That might stand vp the glorie of a kingdome , To liue recluse ! is a mere solaecisme , Though in a nunnery . It must not be . I muse , my lord your brother will permit it ! You should spend halfe my land first , were I hee . Do's not this diamant better , on my finger , Then in the quarrie ? DOL. Yes . MAM. Why , you are like it . You were created , lady , for the light ! Heare , you shall weare it ; take it , the first pledge Of what I speake : to bind you to beleeue me . DOL. In chaines of adamant ? MAM. Yes , the strongest bands . And take a secret , too . Here , by your side , Doth stand , this houre , the happiest man , in Europe . DOL. You are contented , sir ? MAM. Nay , in true being : The enuy of Princes , and the feare of States . DOL. Say you so , sir EPICVRE ! MAM. Yes , & thou shalt proue it , Daughter of honor . I haue cast mine eye Vpon thy forme , and I will reare this beautie Aboue all stiles . DOL. You meane no treason , sir ! MAM. No , I will take away that iealousie . I am the lord of the Philosophers stone , And thou the lady . DOL How sir ! ha' you that ? MAM. I am the master of the maistrie . This day , the good old wretch , here , o' the house Has made it for vs. Now , hee 's at proiection . Thinke therefore , the first wish , now ; let me heare it : And it shall raine into thy lap , no shower , But flouds of gold , whole cataracts , a deluge , To get a nation on thee ! DOL. You are pleas'd , sir , To worke on the ambition of our sexe . MAM. I am pleas'd , the glorie of her sexe should know , This nooke , here , of the Friers , is no climate For her , to liue obscurely in , to learne Physick , and surgery , for the Constables wife Of some odde Hundred in Essex ; but come forth , And tast the aire of palaces ; eate , drinke The toyles of Emp'ricks , and their boasted practice ; Tinctured of pearle , and corrall , gold , and amber ; Be seene at feasts , and triumphs ; haue it ask'd , What miracle shee is ? set all the eyes Of court a-fire , like a burning glasse , And worke 'hem into cinders ; when the iewells Of twentie states adorne thee ; and the light Strikes out the starres ; that , when thy name is mention'd Queenes may looke pale : and , we but shewing our loue , NERO's POPPAEA may be lost in storie ! Thus , will we haue it . DOL. I could well consent , sir . But , in a monarchy , how will this be ? The Prince will soone take notice ; and both seize You , and your stone : it being a wealth vnfit For any priuate subiect . MAM. If he knew it . DOL. Your selfe doe boast it , sir . MAM. To thee , my life . DOL. O , but beware , sir ! You may come to end The remnant of your daies , in a loth'd prison , By speaking of it . MAM. 'T is no idle feare ! Wee 'll therefore goe with all , my girle , and liue In a free state ; where we will eate our mullets , Sous'd in high-countrey wines , sup pheasants egges , And haue our cockles , boild in siluer shells , Our shrimps to swim againe , ass when they liu'd , In rare butter , made of dolphins milke , Whose creame do's looke like opalls : and , with these Delicate meats , set our seluves high for pleasure , And take vs downe again , and then renew Our youth , and strength , with drinking the elixir , And so enjoy a perpetuitie Of life , and lust . And thou shalt ha' thy wardrobe , Richer than Natures , still , to change thy selfe And vary oftner , for thy pride , then shee : Or Art , her wise , and almost-equall seruant . FAC. Sir , you are too loud . I heare you , euery word , Into the labarotory . Some fitter place . The garden , or great chamber aboue . How like you her ? MAM. Excellent ! Lungs . There 's for thee . FAC. But , doe you heare ? Good sir , beware , no mention of the Rabbines . MAM. We thinke not on 'hem . FAC. O , it is well , sir . SVBTLE !

Act IIII. Scene II. FACE , SVBTLE , KASTRIL , DAME PLIANT . DOst thou not laugh ? SVB. Yes . Are they gone ? FAC. All 's cleare . SVB. The widdow is come . FAC. And your quarrelling disciple ? SVB. I . FAC. I must to my Captaine-ship againe , then . SVB. Stay , bring 'hem in , first . FAC. So I meant . What is shee ? A Bony-bell ? SVB. I know not . FAC. Wee 'll draw lots , You 'll stand to that ? SVB. What else ? FAC. O , for a suite , To fall now , like a cortine : flap . SVB. To th' dore , man . FAC. You 'll ha' the first kisse , 'cause I am not readie . SVB. Yes , and perhaps hit you through both the nostrils . FAC. Who would you speak with ? KAS. Wher 's the Captaine ? FAC. Gone , sir , About some businesse . KAS. Gone ? FAC. Hee 'll returne straight . But master Doctor , his Lieutenant , is here . SVB. Come neere , my worshipfull Boy , my terrae Fili , That is , my Boy of land ; make thy approches : Welcome , I know thy lusts , and thy desires , And I will serue , and satisfie 'hem . Beginne , Charge me from thence , or thence , or in this line ; Here is my center : Ground thy quarrell . KAS. You lie . SVB. How , child of wrath , and anger ! the loud lie ? For what , my sodaine Boy ? KAS. Nay , that looke you too , I am afore-hand . SVB. O , this 's no true Grammar , And as ill Logick ! You must render causes , child , Your first , and second Intentions , know your canons , And your diuisions , moodes , degrees , and differences , Your praedicaments , substance , and accident , Series externe , and interne , with their causes Efficient , materiall , formall , finall , And ha' your elements perfect — KAS. What is this ! The angrie tongue he talkes in ? SVB. That false precept , Of being afore-hand , has deceiu'd a number ; And made 'hem enter quarrells , often-times , Before they were aware : and , afterward , Against their wills . KAS. How must I doe then , sir ? SVB. I crie this lady mercy . Shee should , first , Haue beene saluted . I doe call you lady , Because you are to be one , ere 't be long , He kisses her . My soft , and buxome widdow . KAS. Is shee , i-faith ? SVB. Yes , or my art is an egregious lyar . KAS. How know you ? SVB. By inspection , on her fore-head , And subtiltie of her lip , He kisses her againe . which must be tasted Often , to make a iudgement . 'Slight , shee melts Like a Myrobalane ! Here is , yet , a line In riuo frontis , tells me , he is no knight . PLI. What is he then , sir ? SVB. Let me see your hand . O , your linea Fortunae makes it plaine ; And stella , here , in monte Veneris : But , most of all , iunctura annularis . He is a souldier , or a man of art , lady : But shall haue some great honour , shortly . PLI. Brother , Hee 's a rare man , beleeue me ! KAS. Hold your peace . Here comes the tother rare man . 'Save you Captaine . FAC. Good master KASTRIL . Is this your sister ? KAS. I , sir . Please you to kusse her , and be proud to know her ? FAC. I shall be proud to know you , ladie . PLI. Brother , He calls me ladie , too . KAS. I , peace . I heard it . FAC. The Count is come . SVB. Where is he ? FAC. At the dore . SVB. Why , you must entertaine him . FAC. what 'll you doe With these the while ? SVB. Why , haue 'hem vp , and shew 'hem Some fustian booke , or the darke glasse . FAC. 'Fore god , Shee is a delicate dab-chick ! I must haue her . SVB. Must you ? I , if your fortune will , you must . Come sir , the Captaine will come to vs presently . I 'll ha' you to my chamber of demonstrations , Where I 'll shew you both the Grammar , and Logick , And Rhetorick of quarrelling ; my whole method , Drawne out in tables : and my instrument , That hath the seuerall scale vpon 't , shall make you Able to quarrell , at a strawes breadth , by Moone-light . And , lady , I 'll haue you looke in a glasse , Some halfe an houre , but to cleare your eye-sight , Against you see your fortune : which is greater , Then I may iudge vpon the sodaine , trust me .

Act IIII. Scene III. FACE , SVBTLE , SVRLY . WHere are you , Doctor ? SVB. I 'll come to you presently . FAC. I will ha' this same widdow , now I ha' seene her , On any composition . SVB. What doe you say ? FAC. Ha' you dispos'd of them ? SVB. I ha' sent 'hem vp . FAC. SVBTLE , in troth , I needs must haue this widdow . SVB. Is that the matter ? FAC. Nay , but heare me . SVB. Goe to , If you rebell once , DOL shall know it all . Therefore , be quiet , and obey your chance . FAC. Nay , thou art so violent now — — Doe but conceive : Thou art old , and canst not serue — — SVB. Who , cannot I ? 'Slight , I will serue her with thee , for a — — FAC. Nay , But vnderstandL I 'll gi' you composition . SVB. I will not treat with thee : what , sell my fortune ? 'T is better then my birth-right . Doe not murmure . Winne her , and carrie her . If you grumble , DOL Knowes it directly . FAC. Well sir , I am silent . Will you goe helpe , to fetch in Don , in state ? SVB. I follow you , sir : we must keepe FACE in awe , Surly like a Spaniard Or he will ouer-looke vs like a tyranne . Braine of a taylor ! Who comes here ? Don Ion ! SVR. Sennores , besolas manos , à vuestras mercedes . SVB. Would you had stoup'd a little , and kist our anos . FAC. Peace SVBTLE . SVB Stab me ; I shall neuer hold , man . He lookes in that deepe ruffe , like a head in a platter , Seru'd in by a short cloake vpon two tressils ! FAC. Or , what doe you say to a collar of brawne , cut downe Beneath the souse , and wriggled with a knife ? SVB. 'Slud , he do's looke too fat to be a Spaniard . FAC. Perhaps some Fleming , or some Hollander got him In D'ALVA's time : Count EGMONTs bastard . SVB / Don Your sciruy , yellow , Madrid face is welcome . SVR. Gratia SVB. He speakes , out of a fortification . 'Pray god , he ha' no squibs in those deepe sets . SVR Por dios , Sennores , muy linda casa SVB. What sayes he ? FAC. Praises the house , I thinke , I know no more but 's action . SVB. Yes , the Casa My precious DIEGO , will prooue faire inough , To cossen you in . Doe you marke ? you shall Be cossened , DIEGO . FAC. Cossened , doe you see ? My worthy Donzel , cossened . SVR. Entiendo . SVB. Doe you intend it ? So doe we , deare Don . Haye you brought pistolets ? or portagues ? My solemne Don ? Dost thou feele any ? He feels his pockets . FAC. Full . SVB. You shall be emptied , Don ; pumped , and drawne , Drie , as they say . FAC. Milked , in troth , sweet Don . SVB. See all the monsters ; the great lyon of all , Don . SVR. Con licencia , se puede ver à esta Sennor à ? SVB. What talkes he now ? FAC. O' the Sennora . SVB. O , Don , That is the lyonesse , which you shall see Also , my Don . FAC. 'Slid , SVBTLE , how shall we doe ? SVB. For what ? FAC. Why , DOL's emploi'd , you know . SVB. That 's true ! For heau'n I know not : He must stay , that 's all . FAC. Stay ? That he must not by no meanes SVB. No , why ? FAC. Vnlesse you 'll marre all . 'Slight , hee 'll suspect it . And then he will not pay , not halfe so well . This is a trauvell'd punque-master , and do's know All the delayes : a notable hot raskall , And lookes , already , rampant . SVB. 'Sdeath , and MAMMON Must not be troubled . FAC. MAMMON , in no case . SVB What shall we doe then ? FAC. Thinke : you must be sodaine . SVR.

Entiendo , que la Sennora es tan hermosa , que codìcio tan à ver la , come la bien auentur'ança de mi vida .

FAC. Mi vida ? 'Slid , SVBTLE , he puts me in minde o' the widow . What dost thou say to draw her to 't ? ha ? And tell her , it is her fortune . All our venter Now lies vpon 't . It is but one man more , Which on 's chance to haue her : and , beside , There is no maiden-head , to be fear'd , or lost . What doest thou thinke on 't , SVBTLE ? SVBTLE . Who , I ? Why — — FAC. The credit of our house too is engag'd . SVB. You made me an offer for my share e're while . What wilt thou gi' me , i'faith ? FAC. O , by that light , I le not buy now . You know your doome to me . E'en take your lot , obey your chance , sir ; winne her , And weare her , out for me . SVB. 'Slight . I 'll not worke her then . FAC. It is the common cause , therefore bethinke you . DOL else must know it , as you said . SVB. I care not . SVR. Sennores , por que se tarda tanta ? SVB. Faith , Iam not fit , I am old . FAC. That 's now no reason , sir . SVR. Puede ser , de hazer burla de mi amor . FAC. You heare the Don , too ? By this ayre , I call . And loose the hinges , DOL . SVB. A plague of hell — — FAC. Will you then doe ? SVB. Yo' are a terrible rogue , I le thinke of this : will you , sir , call the widow ? Yes , and I le take her too , with all her faults , Now I doe thinke on 't better . SVB. With all my heart , sir , Am I discharg'd o' the lot ? FAC As you please . SVB. Hands . FAC. Remember now , that vpon any change , You neuer claime her . SVB. Much good ioy , and health to you , sir . Marry a whore ? Fate , let me wed a witch first . SVR. Por estas hoxrada's barbas — — SVB. He sweares by his beard . Dispatch , and call the brother too . SVR. Tienge dùda , Sennores , Que no me h'agan alguna traycion . SVB / How , issue on ? Yes , praestoSennor . Please you Enthratha the chambratha , worthy Don ; Where if it please the Fates , in your bathada , YOu shall be sok'd , and strok'd and tub'd , and rub'd ; And scrub'd , and fub'd , deare Don , before you goe . You shall , in faith , my sciruie babioun Don : Be curried , claw'd , and flaw'd , and taw'd , indeed . I will the heartilier goe about it now , And make the widdow a punke , so much the sooner , To be reueng'd on this impetuous FACE : The quickly doing of it is the grace .

Act IIII. Scene IIII . FACE , KASTRIL , DA. PLIANT , SVBTLE , SVRLY . COme ladie : I knew , the Doctor would not leaue , Till he had found the very nick of her fortune . KAS. To be a Countesse , say you ? A Spanish Countesse , sir . PLI. Why ? is that better then an English Countesse ? FAC. Better ? 'Slight , make you that a question , ladie ? KAS. Nay , shee is a foole , Captaine , you must pardon her . FAC. Aske from your courtier , to your innes of court-man , To your mere millaner : they will tell you all , Your Spanish iennet is the best horse . Your Spanish Stoupe is the best garbe . Your Spanish beard Is the best cut . Your Spanish ruffes are the best Weare . Your Spanish Pauin the best daunce . Your Spanish titillation in a gloue The best perfume . And , for your Spanish pike , And Spanish blade , let your poore Captaine speake . Here comes the Doctor . SVB. My most honor'd ladie , ( For so I am now to stile you , hauing found By this my scheme , you are to vnder-goe An honorable fortune , very shortly . ) What will you say now , if some — FAC. I ha' told her all , sir . And her right worshipfull brother , here , that shee shall be A Countesse : doe not delay 'hem , sir . A Spanish Countesse . SVB. Still , my scarse worshipfull Captaine , you can keepe No secret . Well , since he has told you , madame , Doe you forgiue him , and I doe . KAS. Shee shall doe that , sir . I 'le looke to 't , 't is my charge . SVB. Well then . Nought rests But that shee fit her loue , now , to her fortune . PLI. Truely , I shall neuer brooke a Spaniard . SVB. No ? PLI. Neuer , sin' eighty-eight could I abide 'hem , And that was some three yeere afore I was borne , in truth . SVB. Come , you must loue him , or be miserable : Choose , which you will . FAC. By this good rush , perswade her , Shee will crie straw-berries else , within this twelue-month . SVB. Nay , shads , and mackrell , which is worse . FAC. Indeed , sir ? KAS. Gods lid , you shall loue him , or I le kick you . PLI. Why ? I le doe as you will ha' me , brother . KAS. Doe , Or by this hand , I 'll maull you . FAC. Nay , good sir , Be not so fierce . SVB. No , my enraged child , Shee will be rul'd . What , when shee comes to tast The pleasures of a Countesse ! to be courted — FAC. And kist , and ruffled ! SVB. I , behind the hangings . FAC. And then come forth in pomp ! SVB. And know her state ! FAC. Of keeping all th' idolaters o' the chamber Barer to her , then at their prayers ! SVB. Is seru'd Vpon the knee ! FAC. And has her pages , huishers , Foot-men , and coaches — SVB. Her sixe mares — FAC. Nay , eight ! SVB. To hurry her through London , to th' Exchange , Bet'lem , the China-houses — FAC. Yes , and haue The citizens gape at her , and praise her tyres ! And my-lords goose-turd bands , that rides with her ! KAS. Most braue ! By this hand , you are not my suster , If you refuse . PLI. I will not refuse , brother . SVR. Que es esto , Sennores , que non se venga ? Esta tardanza me mata ! FAC. It is the Count come ! The Doctor knew he would be here , by his art . SVB. En gallanta Madama , Don ! gallantissima ! SVR. Por tódos los dioses , la mas acabada Hermosura , que he visto en mi vida ! FAC. Is' t not a gallant language , that they speake ? KAS. An admirable language ! Is' t not French ? FAC. No , Spanish , sir . KAS. It goes like law-French , And that , they say , is the court-liest language . FAC. List , sir . SVR. El Sol ha perdido su lumbre , con el Resplandor , que tràe esta dama. Valga me dios ! FAC. He' admires your sister . KAS. Must not shee make curtsie ? SVB. 'Ods will , shee must goe to him , man ; and kisse him ! It is the Spanish fashion , for the women To make first court . FAC. 'T is true he tells you , sir : His art knowes all . SVR. Por que no se acùde ? KAS. He speakes to her , I thinke ? FAC. That he do's sir . SVR. Por el amor de dios , que es esto , que se tàrda ? KAS. Nay , see : shee will not vnderstand him ! Gull . Noddy . PLI. What say you brother ? KAS. Asse , my suster , Goe kusse him , as the cunning man would ha' you , I 'll thrust a pinne i' your buttocks else . FAC. O , no sir . SVR. Sennora mia , mi persona muy indigna esta Alle gar à tànta Hermosura . FAC. Do's he not vse her brauely ? KAS. Brauely , i-faith ! FAC. Nay , he will vse her better . KAS. Doe you think so ? SVR. Sennora , sie sera seruida , entremus . KAS. Where do's he carry her ? FAC. Into the garden , sir ; Take you no thought : I must interpret for her . SVB. Giue DOL the word . Come , my fierce child , aduance , We 'll to our quarrelling lesson againe . KAS. Agreed . I loue a Spanish Boy , with all my heart . SVB. Nay , and by this meanes , sir , you shall be brother To a great Count . KAS. I. I lknew that , at first . This match will aduance the house of the KASTRILS . SVB. 'Pray god , your sister proue but pliant . KAS. Why , Her name is so : by her other husband . SVB. How KAS. The widdow PLIANT . Knew you not that ? SVB. No faith , sir . Yet , by erection of her figure , I gest it . Come , let 's goe practice . KAS. Yes , but doe you thinke , Doctor , I e'er shall quarrell well ? SVB. I warrant you .

Act IIII. Scene V. DOL , MAMMON , FACE , SVBTLE In her fit of talking . For , after ALEXANDERs death — — MAM. Good lady — — DOL. That PERDICCAS , and ANTIGONVS were slaine , The two that stood , SELEVC' and PTOLOMEEE — MAM. Madame . DOL. Made up the two legs , and the fourth Beast . That was Gog-north , and Egypt-south : which after Was call'd Gog Iron-leg , and South Iron-leg — — MAM. Lady — — DOL. And then Gog-horned . So was Egypt , too . Then Egypt clay-leg , and Gog clay-leg — — MAM. Sweet madame . DOL. And last Gog-dust , and Egypt-dust , which fall In the last linke of the fourth chaine . And these Be starres in story , which none see , or looke at — — MAM. What shall I doe ? DOL. For , as he sayes , except We call the Rabbines , and the heathen Greekes — — MAM. Dear lady DOL. To come from Salem , and from Athens , And teach the people of great Britaine — — FAC. What 's the matter , sir ? DOL. To speake the tongue of EBER , and IAVAN — — MAM. O , Sh 'is in her fit DOL We shall know nothing — — FAC. Death , sir , We are vn-done . DOL. Where , then , a learned Linguist Shall see the antient vs'd communion Of vowels , and consonants — — FAC. My master will heare ! DOL A wisedome , which PYTHAGORAS held most high — — MAM. Sweet honorable lady . DOL. To comprise All sounds of voyces , in few markes of letters — — FAC. Nay , you must neuer hope to lay her now . They speake together DOL. And so we may arriue by Talmud skill , And profane greeke , to raise the building vp Of HELENs house against the Ismaelite , King of Thogarma , and Habergions Brimstony , blew , and fiery ; and the force Of King Abaddon , and the Beast of Cittim : Which Rabbi DAVID KIMCHI , ONKELOS , And ABEN - EZRA doe interpret Roma . FAC. How did you put her into it ? MAM. Alas , I talk'd Of a fift Monarchy I would erect , With the Philosophers stone ( by chance ) and she Fals on the other foure , straight . FAC. Out of Broughton . I told you so . 'Slid stop her mouth . MAM. Is 't best ? FAC. She 'll neuer leaue else . If the old man heare her We are but faeces , ashes . SVB. What 's to doe there ? FAC. O , we are lost . Now she heares him , she is quiet .

Vpon Subtles entry they disperse / MAM. Where shall I hide me ? SVB. How ! What sight is here ? Close deeds of darknesse , and that shunne the light ! Bring him againe . Who is he ? What , my sonne ! O , I haue liu'd too long . MAM. Nay good , deare father , There was no'vnchast purpose . SVB. Not ? and flee me , When I come in ? MAM. That was my error . SVB. Error ? Guilt , guilt , my sonne . Giue it the right name . No maruaile , If I found check in our great worke within , When such affaires as these were managing ! MAM. Why , haue you so ? SVB It has stood still this halfe houre : And all the rest of our lesse workes gone back . Where is the instrument of wickednesse , My lewd false drudge ? MAM. Nay , good sir , blame not him . Beleeue me , 't was against his will , or knowledge . I saw her by chance . SVB Will you commit more sinne , T' excuse a varlet ? MAM. By my hope , 't is true , sir . SVB. Nay , then I wonder lesse , if you , for whom The blessing was prepar'd , would so tempt heauen : And loose your fortunes . MAM. Why , sir SVB This 'll retard The worke , a month at least . MAM. Why , if it doe , What remedie ? but thinke it not , good father : Our purposes were honest . SVB. As they were , A great crack and noise within . So the reward will proue . How now ! Aye me . God , and all Saints be good to vs. What 's that ? FAC. O sir , we are defeated ! all the workes Are flowne in fumo : euery glasse is burst . Fornace , and all rent downe ! as if a bolt Of thunder had beene driuen through the house . Retorts , Receiuers , Pellicanes , Bolt-heads All strooke in shiuers ! Helpe , good sir ! Alas , Subtle falls downe as ina swoune . Coldnesse and death inuades him . Nay , sir MAMMON , Doe the fair offices of a man ! You stand , As you were readier to depart , then he . Who 's there ? My lord her brother is come . One knocks MAM. Ha , Lungs ? FAC. His coach is at the dore . Auoid his sight , For hee 's as furious , as his sister is mad . MAM. Alas ! FAC. My braine is quite vn-done with the fume , sir , I ne'er must hope to be mine owne man againe . MAM. Is all lost , Lungs ? Will nothing be preseru'd , Of all our cost ? FAC. Faith , very little , sir . A peck of coales , or so , which is cold comfort , sir . MAM. O my voluptuous mind ! I am iustly punish'd . FAC. And so am I , sir . MAM. Cast from all my hopes — FAC. Nay , certainties , sir . MAM. By mine owne base affections . SVB. Subtle seemes come to himselfe . O , the curst fruits of vice , and lust ! MAM. Good father , It was my sinne . Forgiue it . SVB. Hangs my roofe Ouer vs still , and will not fall , Ô iustice , Vpon vs , for this wicked man ! FAC. Nay , looke , sir , You grieue him , now , with staying in his sight : Good sir , the noble man will come too , and take you , And that may breed a tragoedie . MAM. I 'll goe . FAC. I , and repent at home , sir . It may be , For some good penance , you may ha' it , yet , A hundred pound to the boxe at Bet'lem — MAM. Yes . FAC. For the restoring such as ha' their wits . MAM. I 'll do 't . FAC. I le send one to you to receiue it . MAM. Doe . Is no proiection left ? FAC. All flowne , or stinks , sir . MAM. Will nought be sau'd , that 's good for med'cine , thinkst thou ? FAC. I cannot tell , sir . There will be , perhaps , Something , about the scraping of the shardes , Will cure the itch : though not your itch of mind , sir . It shall be sau'd for you , and sent home . Good sir , This way : for feare the lord should meet you . SVB. FACE . FAC. I . SVB. Is he gone ? FAC. Yes , and as heauily As all the gold he hop'd for , were in his bloud . Let vs be light , though . SVB. I , as balls , and bound And hit our heads against the roofe for ioy : There 's so much of our care now cast away . FAC. Now to our Don . SVB. Yes , your yong widdow , by this time Is made a Countesse , FACE : Sh' has beene in trauaile Of a yong heire for you . FAC. Good , sir . SVB. Off with your case , And greet her kindly , as a bride-groome should , After these common hazards . FAC. Very well , sir . Will you goe fetch Don DIEGO off , the while ? SVB. And fetch him ouer too , if you 'll be pleas'd , sir : Would DOL were in her place , to pick his pockets now . FAC. Why , you can doe it as well , if you would set to 't . I pray you proue your vertue . SVB. For your sake , sir .

Act IIII. Scene VI. SVRLY , DA. PLIANT , SVBTLE , FACE . LAdy , you see into what hands , you are falne ; Mongst what a nest of villaines ! and how neere Your honor was t' haue catch'd a certaine clap ( Through your credulitie ) had I but beene So punctually forward , as place , time , And other circumstance would ha' made a man : For yo' are a handsome woman : would yo' were wise , too . I am a gentleman , come here disguis'd , Onely to find the knaueries of this Citadell , And where I might haue wrong'd your honor , and haue not , I claime some interest in your loue . You are , They say , a widdow , rich : and I am a batcheler , Worth nought : Your fortunes may make me a man , As mine ha' preseru'd you a woman . Thinke vpon it , And whether , I haue deseru'd you , or no . PLI. I will , sir . SVB. And for these houshold-rogues , let me alone , To treat with them . SVB. How doth my noble DIEGO ? And my deare madame , Countesse ? Hath the Count Beene courteous , lady ? liberall ? and open ? Donzell , me thinkes you looke melancholike , After your coitum , and scuruy ! True-ly , I doe not like the dulnesse of your eye : It hath a heauy cast , 't is vpsee Dutch , And say's you are a lumpish whore-master . Be lighter , He falls to picking of them . I will make your pockets so . SVR. Will you , Don bawd , and pick-purse ? How now ? Reele you ? Stand vp sir , you shall find since I am so heauy , I 'll gi' you equall weight . SVB. Helpe , murder ! SVR. No , sir . There 's no such thing intended . A good cart , And a cleane whip shall ease you of that feare . I am the Spanish Don , that should be cossened , Doe you see ? cossened ? Where 's your Captayne FACE ? That parcell-broker , and whole-bawd , all raskall . FAC. How , SVRLY ! SVR. O , make your approach , good Captaine . I 'haue found , from whence your copper rings , and spoones Come , now , wherewith you cheate abroad in tauernes . 'T was here , you learn'd t' anoint your boot with brimstone , Then rub mens gold on 't , for a kind of touch , And say 't was naught , when you had chang'd the colour , That you might ha 't for nothing ? And this Doctor , Your sooty , smoakie-bearded compeere , he Will close you so much gold , in a bolts-head , And , on a turne , conuay ( i' the stead ) another With sublim'd Mercurie , that shall burst i' the heate , And flye out all in fumo ? Then weepes MAMMON ; Then swounes his worship . Or , he is the FAVSTVS , That casteth figures , and can coniure , cures Plague , piles , and poxe , by the Ephemerides , And holds intelligence with all the bawdes , And midwiues of three shires ? while you send in — — Captaine , ( what is he gone ? ) dam'sells with child , Wiues , that are barren , or , the waiting-maide With the greene-sicknesse ? Nay , sir , you must tarrie Though he be scap't ; and answere , by the eares , sir .

Act IIII. Scene VII. FACE , KASTRIL , SVRLEY , SUBTLE , DRVGGER , ANANIAS , DA. PLAINT , DOL. WHy . now 's the time , if euer you will quarrell Well ( as they say ) and be a true-borne child . The Doctor , and your sister both are abus'd . KAS. Where is he ? which is he ? he is a slaue What ere he is , and the sonne of a whore . Are you The man , sir , I would know ? SVR. I should be loth , sir , To confesse so much . KAS Then you lie , i' your throate . SVR How ? FAC. A very errant rogue , sir , and a cheater , Employd here , by another coniurer , That dos not loue the Doctor , and would crosse him If he knew how — — SVR. Sir , you are abus'd KAS. You lie : And 't is no matter . FAC. Well said , , sir . He is The impdent'st raskall — — SVR. You are indeed . Will you hear me , sir ? FAC. By no means : Bid him be gone . KAS. Be gone , sir , quickly . SVR. This 's strange ! Lady , doe you informe your brother . FAC. There is not such a foyst , in all the towne , The Doctor had him , presently : and findes , yet , The Spanish Count will come , here . Beare vp , SVBTLE . SVB. Yes , sir , he must appeare , within this hour . FAC. And yet this rogue , would come , in a disguise By the temptation of another spirit , To trouble our art , though he could not hurt it . KAS. I I know — — Away , you talke like a foolish mauther . SVR. Sir , all is truth , she saies . FAC. Doe not beleeue him , sir : He is the lying'st Swabber ! Come your wayes , sir . SVR. You are valiant , out of companie . KAS. Yes , how then , sir ? FAC. Nay , here 's an honest fellow too , that knowes him , And all his tricks . ( Make good what I say , ABEL , ) This cheater would ha' cossen'd thee o' the widdow . He owes this honest DRVGGER , here , seuen pound , He has had on him , in two-penny'orths of tabacco . DRV. Yes sir . And h' has damn'd himself , three termes , to pay mee . FAC. And what do's he owe for lotium ? DRV. Thirtie shillings , sir : And for sixe syringes . SVR. HYDRA of villanie ! FAC. Nay , sir you must quarrell him out o' the house . KAS. I will . Sir , if you get not out o'dores , you lie : And you are a pimpe . SVR Why , this is madnesse , sir , Not valure in you : I must laugh at this . KAS. It is my humour : you are a Pimpe , and a Trig , And an AMADIS de Gaule , or a Don QUIXOTE . DRV. Or a Knight o' the curious cox-combe . Doe you see ? ANA. Peace to the houshold KAS. I le keepe peace , for no man . ANA. Casting of dollers is concluded lawfull . KAS. Is he the Constable ? SVB Peace , ANANIAS . FAC. No , sir . KAS. Then you are an Otter , and a Shad , a whit , A very Tim. SVR. You 'll heare me , sir ? KAS. I will not . ANA. What is the motiue ? SVB. Zeale , in the yong gentleman , Against his Spanish slops — — ANA. They are profane , Leud , superstitious , and idolatrous breeches . SVR. New raskals ! KAS. Will you be gone , sir ? ANA. Auoid Sathan , Thou are not of the light . That ruffe of pride , About thy neck , betrays thee : ' and is the same With that , which the vncleane birds , in seuenty-seven , Were seene to pranke it with , on diuers coasts . Thou look'st like Antichrist , in that leud hat . SVR. I must giue way . KAS. Be gone , sir . SVR. But I le take A course with you — — ( ANA. Depart , proud Spanish fiend . SVR. Captain , & Doctor — — ANA. Child of perdition . KAS. Hence , sir . Did I not quarrel brauely ? KAS. Yes , indeed , sir . KAS. Nay , and I giue my mind to 't , I shall do 't . FAC. O , you must follow , sir , and threaten him tame . Hee 'll turne againe else . KAS. I 'll re-turne him , then . FAC. DRVGGER , , this rogue preuented vs , for thee : We'had determin'd , that thou shouldst ha' come , In a Spanish sute , and ha' carried her so ; and he A brokerly slaue , goes , puts it on himselfe . Hast brought the damaske ? DRV. Yes sir . FAC. Thou must borrow , A Spanish suite . Hast thou no credit with the players ? DRV. Yes , sir , did you neuer see me play the foole ? FAC. I know not , NAB : thou shalt , if I can helpe it . HIERONYMO'S old cloake , ruffe , and hat will serue , Subtle hath whisperd with him this while . I le tell thee more , when thou bringst 'hem . ANA. Sir , I know The Spaniard hates the Brethren , and hath spies Vpon their actions : and that this was one I make no scruple . But the holy Synode Haue beene in prayer , and meditation , for it . And 't is reueal'd no lesse , to them , then me , That casting of money is most lawfull . SVB. True . But here , I cannot doe it ; if the house Should chance to be suspected , all would out , And we be lock'd vp , in the tower , for euer , To make gold there ( for th' state ) neuer come out : And , then , are you defeated . ANA. I will tell This to the Elders , and the weaker Brethren , That the whole companie of the Separation May ioyne in humble prayer againe . ( SVB. And fasting . ) ANA. Yea , for some fitter place . The peace of mind Rest with these walls . SVB. Thanks , courteous ANANIAS . FAC. What did he come for ? SVB. About casting dollers , Presently , out of hand . And so , I told him , A Spanish minister came here to spie , Against the faithfull — FAC. I conceiue . Come SVBTLE , Thou art so downe vpon the least disaster ! How wouldst tho' ha' done , if I had not helpt thee out ? SVB. I thanke thee FACE , for the angrie Boy , i-faith . FAC. Who would ha' lookt , it should ha' beene that raskall ? SVRLY ? He had dy'd his beard , and all . Well , sir , Here 's damaske come , to make you a suit . SVB. Where 's DRVGGER ? FAC. He is gone to borrow me a Spanish habite , I le be the Count , now . SVB. But where 's the widdow ? FAC. Within , with my lords sister : Madame DOL Is entertayning her . SVB. By your fauour , FACE , Now shee is honest , I will stand againe . FAC. You will not offer it ? SVR. Why ? FAC. Stand to your word , Or — here comes DOL. She knowes — SVB. Yo' are tyrannous still . FAC. Strict for my right . How now , DOL ? Hast' told her , The Spanish Count will come ? DOL. Yes , but another is come , You little look'd for ! FAC. Who 's that ? DOL. Your master : The master of the house . SVB. How , DOL ! FAC. Shee lies . This is some trick . Come , leaue your quiblins , DOROTHEE . DOL. Looke out , and see . SVB. Art thou in earnest ? DOL. 'Slight , Fortie o' the neighbours are about him , talking . FAC. 'T is he , by this good day . DOL. 'T will proue ill day , For some on vs . FAC. We are vndone , and taken . DOL. Lost , I 'am afraid . SVB. You said he would not come , While there dyed one a weeke , within the liberties . FAC. No : 't was within the walls . SVB. Was 't so ? Cry' you mercy : I thought the liberties . What shall we doe now , FACE ? FAC. Be silent : not a word , if he call , or knock . I 'll into mine old shape againe , and meet him , Of IEREMIE , the butler . I' the meane time , Doe you two pack vp all the goods , and purchase , That we can carry i' the two trunkes . I 'll keepe him Off for to day , if I cannot longer : and then At night , I le ship you both away to Ratcliffe , Where wee 'll meet to morrow , and there wee 'll share . Let MAMMON'S brasse , and pewter keepe the cellar : Wee 'll haue another time for that . But , DOL , 'Pray thee , goe heate a little water , quickly , SVBTLE must shaue me . All my Captaines beard Must off , to make me appeare smooth IEREMIE . You 'll do 't ? SVB. Yes , I le shaue you , as well as I can . FAC. And not cut my throte , but trim me ? SVB. You shall see , sir .

Act V. Scene I. LOVE-WIT , NEIGHBOVRS . HAs there beene such resort , say you ? NEI. 1. Daily , sir . NEI. 2. And nightly , too . NEI. 3. I , some as braue as lords . NEI. 4. Ladies , and gentlewomen . NEI. 5. Citizens wiues . NEI. 1. And knights . NEI. 6. In coches . NEI. 2. Yes , & oyster-women . NEI. 1. Beside other gallants . NEI. 3. Sailors wiues . NEI. 4. Tabacco-men . NEI. 5. Another Pimlico ! LOV. What should my knaue aduance , To draw this companie ? He hung out no banners Of a strange Calfe , with fiue legs , to be seene ? Or a huge Lobster , with sixe clawes ? NEI. 6. No , sir . NEI. 3. We had gone in then , sir . LOV. He has no guift Of teaching i' the nose , that ere I knew of ! You saw no Bills set vp , that promis'd cure Of agues , or the tooth-ach ? NEI. 2. No such thing , sir . LOV. Nor heard a drum strooke , for Babiouns , or Puppets ? NEI. 5. Neither , sir . LOV. What deuice should he bring forth now ! I loue a teeming wit , as I loue my nourishment . 'Pray god he ha' not kept such open house , That he hath sold my hangings , and my bedding : I left him nothing else . If he haue eate 'hem , A plague o' the moath , say I . Sure he has got Some bawdy pictures , to call all this ging ; The Frier , and the Nun ; or the new Motion Of the Knights courser , couering the Parsons mare ; The Boy of sixe yeere old , with the great thing ; Or 't may be , he has the Fleas that runne at tilt , Vpon a table , or some Dog to daunce ? When saw you him ? NEI. 1. Who sir , IEREMIE ? NEI. 2. IEREMIE butler ? We saw him not this month . LOV. How ! NEI. 4. Not these 5. weeks , sir . NEI These six weeks , at the least . LOV. Yo'amaze me , neighbours ! NEI. 5. Sure , if your worship know not where he is , Hee 's slipt away . NEI. 6. Pray god , he be not made away ! He knocks LOV. Ha ? It 's no time to question , then . NEI. 6. About Some three weekes since , I heard a dolefull cry , And I sate vp , a mending my wives stockings . LOV. 'T is strange ! that none will answere ! Didst thou heare A cry , saist thou ? NEI. 6. Yes , sir , like vnto a man That had beene strangled an houre , and could not speake . NEI. 2. I heard it too , iust this day three weekes , at two a clock Next morning . LOV. These be miracles , or you make 'hem so ! A man an houre strangled , and could not speake , And both you heard him cry ? MNEI . 3. Yes , downeward , sir . LOV. Thou art a wise fellow : Giue me thy hand I pray thee . What trade art thou on ? NEI. 3. A smith , and 't please your worship . LOV. A smith ? Then , lend me thy helpe , to get this dore open . NEI. 3. That I will presently , sir , but fetch my tooles — — NEI. 1. Sir , best so knock againe , afore you break it .

Act V. Scene II. LOVE - WIT , FACE , NEIGHBOVRS . I will . FAC. What meane you , sir ? NEI. 1.2.4 . O , here 's IEREMIE ! FAC. Good sir , come from the dore . LOV. Why ! what 's the matter ? FAC. Yet farder , you are too neere , yet . LOV. I' the name of wonder ! What meanes the fellow ? FAC. The house , sir , has beene visited . LOV. What ? with the plague ? stand thou then farder . FAC. No sir , I had it not . LOV. Who had it then : I left None else , but thee , i' the house ! FAC. Yes , sir . My fellow , The cat , that kept the buttry , had it on her A weeke , before I spied it : but I got her Conuay'd away , i' the night . And so I shut The house vp for a month — — LOV. How ! FAC. Purposing then , sir , T' haue burnt rose-vinegar , triackle , and tarre , And , ha' made it sweet , that you should ne'er ha' knowne it : Because I knew the newes woulld but afflict you , sir . LOV. Breath lesse , and farder off . Why , this is stranger ! The neigbours tell me all , here , that the dores Haue still been open — — FAC. How , sir ! Lov. Gallants , men , and women , And of all sorts , tag-rag , beene seene to flock here In threaues , these ten weekes , ass to a second Hogs-den , In dayes of Pimlico , and Eye-bright ! FAC. Sir , Their wisedomes will not say so ! LOV. Today , they speake Of coaches , and gallants ; one in a French-hood , Went in , they tell me : and another was seene In a veluet gowne , at the windore ! diuerse more Passe in and out ! FAC. They did passe through the dores then , Or walls , I assure their eye-sights , and their spectacles ; For here , sir , are the keyes ; and here haue beene , In this my pocket , now , aboue twentie dayes ! And for before , I kept the fort alone , there . But , that 't is yet not deepe i' the after-noone , I should beleeue my neighbours had seene double Through the black-pot , and made these apparitions ! For , on my faith , to your worship , for these three weekes , And vpwards , the dore has not beene open'd . LOV. Strange ! NEI. 1. Good faith , I thinke I saw a coach ! NEI. 2. And I too , I 'lld ha' been sworne ! LOV. Doe you but thinke it now ? And but one coach ? NEI. 4. We cannot tell , sir : IEREMIE Is a very honest fellow . FAC. Did you see me at all ? NEI. 1. No. That we are sure on . NEI. 2. I 'll be sworne o' that . LOV. Fine rogues , to haue your testimonies built on ! NEI. 3. Is IEREMIE come ? NEI. 1. O , yes , you may leaue your tooles , We were deceiu'd , he sayes . NEI. 2. He' has had the keyes : And the dore has beene shut these three weekes . NEI. 3. Like enough . LOV. Peace , and get hence , you changelings . FAC. SVRLY come ! And MAMMON made acquainted ? They 'll tell all . How shall I beate them off ? What shall I doe ? ) Nothing 's more wretched , then a guiltie conscience .

ACT V. Scene III. SVRLY , MAMMON , LOVE - WIT , FACE , NEIGHBOVRS , KASTRIL , ANANIAS , TRIBVLATION , DAPPER , SVBTLE No , sir , he was a great physitian . This It was no bawdy-house : but a meere Chancell . You knew the lord , and his sister . MAM. Nay , good SVRLY — — SVRLY The happy word , be rich — — MAM. Play not the tyranne —— — SVR. Should be to day pronounc'd , to all your friends . And where be your andirons now ? and your brasse pots ? That should ha' beene golden flaggons , and great wedges ? MAM. Let me but breath . What! They ha' shut their dores , Mammon and Surly knock . Methinks ! SVR. I , now , 't is holy-day with them . MAM. Rogues , Coseners , impostors , bawds . FAC. What meane you , sir ? MAM. To enter if we can . FAC. Another mans house ? Here is the owner , sir . Turne you to him , And speake your businesse . MAM. Are you , sir , the owner ? LOV. Yes , sir . MAM. And are those knaues , within , your cheaters ? LOV. What knaues ? what cheaters ? MAM. SVBTLE , and his Lungs . FAC. The gentleman is distracted , sir ! No lungs , Nor lights ha' beene seene here these three weekes , sir , Within these dores , vpon my word ! SVR. Your word , Groome arrogant ? FAC. Yes , sir , I am the house-keeper , And know the keyes ha' not beene out o' my hands . SVR. This 's a new FACE ? FAC. You doe mistake the house , sir ! What signe was 't at ? SVR. You raskall ! This is one O' the confederacie . Come , let 's get officers , And force the dore . LOV. 'Pray you stay , gentlemen . SVR. No , sir , wee 'll come with warrant . MAM. I , and then , We shall ha' your dores open . LOV. What meanes this ? FAC. I cannot tell , sir ! NEI. 1. These are two o' the gallants , That we doe thinke we saw . FAC. Two o' the fooles ? You talke as idly as they . Good faith , sir , I thinke the Moone has cras'd 'hem all ! ( O me , The angrie Boy come too ? Hee 'll make a noyse , And nere away till he haue betray'd vs all . ) KAS. Kastrill knocks . What rogues , bawds , slaues , you 'll open the dore anone , Punque , cocatrice , my suster . By this light I 'll fetch the marshall to you . You are a whore , To keepe your castle — FAC. Who would you speake with , sir ? KAS. The bawdy Doctor , and the cosening Captaine , And PVS my suster . LOV. This is something , sure ! FAC. Vpon my trust , the dores were neuer open , sir . KAS. I haue heard all their tricks , told me twice ouer , By the fat knight , and the leane gentleman . LOV. Here comes another . FAC. ANANIAS too ? And his Pastor ? TRI. The dores are shut against vs . ANA. They beat too , at the dore . Come forth , you seed of sulphure , sonnes of fire , Your stench , it is broke forth : abomination Is in the house . KAS. I , my suster 's there . ANA. The place , It is become a cage of vncleane birds . KAS. Yes , I will fetch the scauenger , and the constable . TRI. You shall doe well . ANA. Wee 'll ioyne , to weede them out . KAS. You will not come then ? punque , deuice , my suster ! ANA. Call her not sister . Shee is a harlot , verily . KAS. I 'll raise the street . LOV. Good gentlemen , a word . ANA. Sathan , auoid , and hinder not our zeale . LOV. The world 's turn'd Bet'lem . FAC. These are all broke loose , Out of S. KATHER'NES , where they vse to keepe , The better sort of mad-folkes . NEI. 1. All these persons We saw goe in , and out , here . NEI. 2. Yes , indeed , sir . NEI. 3. These were the parties . FAC. Peace , you drunkards . Sir , I wonder at it ! Please you , to giue me leaue To touch the dore , I 'll trie , an' the lock be chang'd . LOV. It mazes me ! FAC. Good faith , sir , I beleeue , There 's no such thing . 'T is all deceptio visus . Would I could get him away . DAP. Master Captayne , Dapper cryes out within . master Doctor . LOV. Who 's that ? FAC. ( Our clark within , that I forgot ! ) I know not , sir . DAP. For gods sake , when wil her Grace be at leisure ? FAC. Ha! Illusions , some spirit o' the aire : ( his gag is melted , And now he sets out the throte . ) DAP. I am almost stiffled — ( FAC. Would you were altogether . ) LOV. 'T is i' the house . Ha! List . FAC. Beleeue it , sir , i' the aire ! LOV. Peace , you — DAP. Mine aunts Grace do's not vse me well . SVB. You foole , Peace , you 'll marre all . FAC. Or you will else , you rogue . LOV. O , is it so ? Then you conuerse with spirits ! Come sir . No more o' your tricks , good IEREMIE , The truth , the shortest way . FAC. Dismisse this rabble , sir . What shall I doe ? I am catch'd . LOV. Good neighbours , I thanke you all . You may depart . Come sir , You know that I am an indulgent master : And therefore , conceale nothing . What 's your med'cine , To draw so many seuerall sorts of wild-fowle ? FAC. Sir , you were wont to affect mirth , and wit : ( But here 's no place to talke on 't i' the street . ) Giue me but leaue , to make the best of my fortune , And onely pardon me th' abuse of your house : It 's all I begge . I 'll helpe you to a widdow , In recompence , that you shall gi' me thankes for , Will make you seuen yeeres yonger , and a rich one . 'T is but your putting on a Spanish cloake , I haue her within . You need not feare the house , It was not visited . LOV. But by me , who came Sooner then you expected . FAC. It is true , sir . 'Pray you forgiue me . LOV. Well : let 's see your widdow .

Act V. Scene IIII . SVBTLE , DAPPER , FACE , DOL . HOw ! ha' you eaten your gag ? DAP. Yes faith , it crumbled Away i' my mouth . SVB. You ha' spoil'd all then . DAP. No , I hope my aunt of Faery will forgiue me . SVB. Your aunt 's a gracious lady : but in troth You were to blame . DAP. The fume did ouer-come me , And I did do 't to stay my stomack . 'Pray you So satisfie her Grace . Here comes the Captaine . FAC. How now ! Is his mouth downe ? SVB. I ! he has spoken ! FAC. ( A poxe , I heard him , and you too . ) Hee 's vn-done , then . ( I haue beene faine to say , the house is haunted With spirits , to keepe churle back . SVB. And hast thou done it ? FAC. Sure , for this night . SVB. Why , then triumph , and sing Of FACE so famous , the precious king Of present wits . FAC. Did you not heare the coyle , About the dore ? SVB. Yes , and I dwindled with it . ) FAC. Shew him his aunt , and let him be dispatch'd : I 'll send her to you . SVB. Well sir , your aunt her Grace , Will giue you audience presently , on my sute , And the Captaines word , that you did not eate your gag , In any contempt of her Highnesse . DAP. Not I , in troth , sir . SVB. Dol like the Queene of Faery . Here shee is come . Downe o' your knees , and wriggle : Shee has a stately presence . Good . Yet neerer , And bid , God saue you . DAP. Madame . SVB. And your aunt . DAP. And my most gracious aunt , god saue your Grace . DOL. Nephew , we thought to haue beene angrie with you : But that sweet face of yours , hath turn'd the tide , And made it flow with ioy , that eb'd of loue . Arise , and touch our veluet gowne . SVB. The skirts , And kisse 'hem . So . DOL. Let me now stroke that head , Much , nephew , shalt thou win ; much shalt thou spend ; Much shalt thou giue away : much shalt thou lend . SVB. ( I , much , indeed . ) Why doe you not thanke her Grace ? DAP. I cannot speake , for ioy . SVB. See , the kind wretch ! Your Graces kins-man right . DOL. Giue me the Bird . Here is your Fly in a purse , about your neck , cosen , Weare it , and feed it , about this day seu'night , On your right wrist — SVB. Open a veine , with a pinne , And let it suck but once a weeke : till then , You must not looke on 't . DOL. No . And , kins-man , Beare your selfe worthy of the bloud you come on . SVB. Her grace would ha' you eate no more Wool-sack pies , Nor Dagger frume'ty . DOL. Nor breake his fast , In heauen , and hell . SVB. Shee 's with you euery where ! Nor play with Costar-mongers , at mum-chance , tray-trip . God make you rich , ( when as your aunt has done it : ) but keepe The gallant'st company , and the best games — DAP. Yes , sir . SVB. Gleeke and primero : and what you get , be true to vs . DAP. By this hand , I will . SVB. You may bring 's a thousand pound , Before to morrow night , ( if but three thousand , Be stirring ) an' you will . DAP. I sweare , I will then . SVB. Your Ply will learne you all games . FAC. Ha' you done there ? SVB. Your grace will command him no more duties ? DOL. No : But come , and see me often . I may chance To leaue him three or foure hundred chests of treasure , And some twelue thousand acres of Faerie land : If he game well , and comely , with good gamesters . SVB. There 's a kind aunt ! kisse her departing part . But you must sell you fortie marke a yeare , now : DAP. I , sir , I meane . SVB. Or , gi 't away : pox on 't . FAC. I 'le gi 't mine aunt . I le goe and fetch the writings . SVB. 'T is well , away . FAC. Where 's SVBTLE ? SVB. Here . What newes ? FAC. DRVGGER is at the doore , goe take his suite , And bid him fetch a Parson , presently : Say , he shall marrie the widdow . Thou shalt spend A hundred pound by the seruice ! Now , queene DOL , Ha' you pack'd vp all ? DOL. Yes . FAC. And how doe you like The lady PLYANT ? DOL. A good dull innocent . SVB. Here 's your HIERONIMO'S cloake , and hat . FAC. Giue mee 'hem . SVB. And the ruffe too ? FAC. Yes , I 'll come to you presently . SVB. Now , he is gone about his proiect , DOL , I told you of , for the widow . DOL. 'T is direct Against our articles . SVB. Well , wee 'll fit him , wench . Hast thou gull'd her of her iewels , or her bracelets ? DOL. No , but I will do 't . SVB. Soone at night , my DOLLY , When we are shipt , and all our goods aboord , East-ward for Ratcliffe ; we will turne our course To Brainford , westward , if thou' saist the word : And take our leaues of this ore-weaning raskall , This peremtorie FACE . DOL. Content , I 'am weary of him . SVB. Tho' hast cause , when the slaue will runne a wiuing , DOL , Against the instrument , that was drawne betweene vs . DOL. I 'll plucke his bird as bare as I can . SVB. Yes , tell her , She must by any meanes , addresse some present To th' cunning man ; make him amends , for wronging His art with her suspition ; send a ring ; Or chaine of pearle ; shee will be tortur'd else Extremely in her sleepe , say : and ha' strange things Come to her . Wilt thou ? DOL. Yes . SVB. My fine flitter-mouse , My bird o' the night ; wee 'll tickle it at the pigeons , When we haue all , and may vn-lock the trunkes , They kisse . And say , this 's mine , and thine , and thine , and mine — FAC. What now , a billing ? SVB. Yes , a little exalted In the good passage of our stock-affaires . FAC. DRVGGER has brought his Parson , take him in , SVBTLE , And send NAB back againe , to wash his face . SVB. I will : and shaue himselfe ? FAC. If you can get him . DOL. You are hot vpon it , FACE , what ere it is ! FAC. A trick , that DOL shall spend ten pound a month by . Is he gone ? SVB. The Chaplaine waits you i' the hall , sir . FAC. I 'll goe bestow him . DOL. Hee 'll now marry her , instantly . SVB. He cannot , yet , he is not readie . Deare DOL , Cosen her of all thou canst . To deceiue him Is no deceipt , but iustice , that would breake Such an inextricable tye as ours was . DOL. Let me alone to fit him . FAC. Come , my venturers , You ha' pack'd vp all ? Where be the trunkes ? Bring forth . SVB. Here . FAC. Let 's see 'hem . Where 's the money ? SVB. Here , In this . FAC. MAMMONS ten pound : eight score before . The Brethrens money , this . DRVGGERS , and DAPPERS . What paper 's that ? DOL. The iewell of the waiting maides , That stole it from her lady , to know certaine — FAC. If shee should haue precedence of her mistris ? DOL. Yes . FAC. What boxe is that ? SVB. The fish-wiues rings , I thinke : And th' ale-wiues single money . Is' t not DOL ? DOL. Yes : and the whistle , that the saylors wife Brought you , to know , and her husband were with WARD . FAC. Wee 'll wet it to morrow : and our siluer-beakers , And tauerne cups . Where be the French petti-coats , And girdles , and hangers ? SVB. Here , i' the trunke , And the bolts of lawne . FAC. Is DRVGGERS damaske , there ? And the tabacco ? SVB. Yes . FAC. Giue me the keyes . DOL. Why you the keyes ! SVB. No matter , DOL : because We shall not open 'hem , before he comes . FAC. 'T is true , you shall not open them , indeed : Nor haue 'hem forth . Doe you see ? Not forth , DOL . DOL. No! FAC. No , my smock-rampant . The right is , my master Knowes all , has pardon'd me , and he will keepe 'hem , Doctor , 't is true ( you looke ) for all your figures : I sent for him , indeed . Wherefore , good partners , Both hee , and shee , be satisfied : for , here Determines the indenture tripartite , Twixt SVBTLE , DOL , and FACE . All I can doe Is to helpe you ouer the wall , o' the back-side ; Or lend you a sheet , to saue your veluet gowne , DOL . Here will be officers , presently ; bethinke you , Of some course sodainely to scape the dock : For thether you 'll come else . Some knock . Harke you , thunder . SYB. You are a precious fiend ! OFF. Open the dore . FAC. DOL , I am sorry for thee i-faith . But hearst thou ? It shall goe hard , but I will place thee some-where : Thou shalt ha' my letter to mistris AMO . DOL. Hang you — FAC. Or madame Caesarean . DOL. Poxe vpon you , rogue , Would I had but time to beat thee . FAC. SVBTLE , Let 's know where you set vp next ; I 'll send you A customer , now and then , for old acquaintance : What new course ha' you ? SVB. Rogue , I 'll hang my selfe : That I may walke a greater diuell , then thou , And haunt thee i' the flock-bed , and the buttery .

Act V. Scene V. LOVE-WIT , OFFICERS , MAMMON , SVRLY , FACE , KASTRIL , ANANIAS , TRIBVLATION , DRVGGER , DA. PLIANT . WHat doe you meane , my masters ? MAM. Open your dore , Cheaters , bawds , coniurers . OFF. Or wee 'll breake it open . LOV. What warrant haue you ? OFF. Warrant inough , sir , doubt not : If you 'll not open it . LOV. Is there an officer , there ? OFF. Yes , two , or three for fayling . LOV. Haue but patience , And I will open it straight . FAC. Sir , ha' you done ? Is it a marriage ? perfect ? LOV. Yes , my braine . FAC. Off with your ruffe , and cloake then , be your selfe , sir . SVR. Downe with the dore . KAS. 'Slight , ding it open . LOV. Hold . Hold gentlemen , what meanes this violence ? MAM. Where is this Colliar ? SVR. And my Captaine FACE ? MAM. These day-Owles . SVR. That are birding in mens purses . MAM. Madame Suppository . KAS. Doxey , my sister . ANA. Locusts Of the foule pit . TRI. Profane as BEL , and the Dragon . ANA. Worse then the Grasse-hoppers , or the Lice of Egypt . LOV. Good gentlemen , heare me . Are you officers , And cannot stay this violence ? OFF. Keepe the peace . LOV. Gentlemen , what is the matter ? Whom doe you seeke ? MAM. The Chymicall cousoner SVR. And the Captaine Pandar KAS. The Nun my sister . MAM. Madame Rabbi ANA. Scorpions And Caterpillers . LOV. Fewer at once , I pray you . OFF. One after another , gentlemen , I charge you , By vertue of my staffe — — ANA. They are the vessells Of pride , lust , and the cart . LOV. Good zeale , lie still , A little while . TRI Peace , Deacon ANANIAS . LOV. The house is mine , and the dores are open : If there be any such persons , as you seeke for , Vse your authorities , search on o'gods name . I am but newly come to towne , and finding This tumult 'bout my dore ( to tell you true ) It somewhat maz'd me ; till my man , here , ( fearing My more displeasure ) told me had done Somewhat an insolent part , let out my house Belike , presuming on my knowne auersion From any aire o' the towne , while there was sicknesse ) To a Doctor , and a Captaine : who , what they are , Or where they be , he knowes not . They enter . MAM. Are they gone ? LOV. You may goe in , and search , sir . Here , I find The emptie walls , worse then I left 'hem , smok'd A few crack'd pots , and glasses , and a fornace , The seeling fill'd with poesies of the candle : And MADAME , with a Dildo , writ o' the walls . Onely , one gentlewoman , I met here , That is within , that said shee was a widdow — — KAS. I that 's my sister . I 'll goe thumpe her . Where is shee ? LOV. And should ha' marryed a Spanish Count , but he , When he came to 't , neglected her so grosly , That I , a widdower , am gone through with her . SVR. How ! Haue I lost her then ? LOV. Were you the Don , sir ? Good faith , now , shee do's blame yo' extremely , and sayes You swore , and told her , your had tane the paines , To dye your beard , and vmbre o'er your face , Borrowed a sute , and ruffe , all for her loue ; And then did nothing . What an ouer-sight , And want of putting forward , sir , was this ! Well fare an old Hargubuzier , yet , Could prime his poulder , and giue fire , and hit , All in a twinckling . MAM. The whole nest are fled ! LOV. What sort of birds were they ? Mammon comes forth MAM. A kind of Choughes , Or theeuish Dawes , sir , that haue pickt my purse Of eigh-score , and ten pounds , within these fiue weekes , Beside my first materialls ; and my goods , That lye i' the cellar : which I am glad they ha' left . I may haue home yet . LOV. Thinke you so , sir ? MAM. I. LOV. By order of law , sir , but not otherwise . MAM. Not mine owne stuffe ? LOV. I can take no knowledge , That they are yours , but by publique meanes . If you can bring certificate , that you were gull'd of 'hem , Or any formall writ , out of a court , That you did cosen your selfe : I will not hold them . MAM. I 'll rather loose 'hem . LOV. That you shall not , sir , By me , in , troth , Vpon these termes they 'are yours . What should they ha' beene , sir , turn'd into gold all ? MAM. No. I cannot tell . It may be they should . What then ? LOV. What a great losse in hope haue you sustain'd ? MAM. Not I , the common-wealth has . FAC. I , he would ha' built The citie new ; and made a ditch about it Of siluer , should haue runne with creame from Hogsden : That , euery sunday in More-fields , the younkers , And tits , and tom-boyes should haue fed on , gratis . MAM. I will goe mount a turnep-cart , and preach The end o' the world , within these two months . SVRLY , What! in a dream ? SVR. Must I needs cheat my selfe , With that same foolish vice of honestie ! Come let vs go , and harken out the rogues . That FACE I 'll marke for mine , if ere I meet him . FAC. If I can heare of him , sir , I 'll bring you word , Vnto your lodging : for in troth , they were strangers To me , I thought 'hem honest , as my selfe , sir . They come forth TRI. / T is well , the Saints shall not loose all yet . Goe , And get some carts — — LOV. For what , my zealous friends ? ANA. To beare away the portion of the righteous Out of this den of theeues . LOV. What is that portion ? ANA. The goods , sometimes the Orphanes , that the Brethren , Bought with their siluer pence . LOV. What , those i' the cellar , The knight sir MAMMON claimes ? ANA. I doe defie The wicked MAMMNON , so doe all the Brethren , Thou profane man . I aske thee , with what conscience Thou canst aduance that Idol , against vs , That haue the seale ? Were not the pounds told out , Vpon the second day of the fourth weeke , In the eight month , vpon the table dormant , The yeere , of the last patience of the Saints , Sixe hundred and ten . LOV. Mine earnest vehement botcher , And Deacon also , I cannot dispute with you , But , if you get you not away the sooner , I shall confute you with a cudgell . ANA. Sir . TRI. Be patient ANANIAS . ANA. I am strong , And will stand vp , well girt , against an host , That threaten GAD in exile . LOV. I shall send you To Amsterdam , to your cellar . ANA. I will pray there , Against thy house : may dogs defile thy walls , And waspes , and hornets breed beneath thy roofe , This seat of false-hood , and this caue of cos'nage . LOV. Another too ? DRV. Not I sir , I am no Brother . LOV. Drueger enters , and he beats him away . Away you HARRY NICHOLAS , doe you talke ? To the Parson . FAC. No , this was ABEL DRVGGER . Good sir , goe , And satisfie him ; tell him , all is done : He stay'd too long a washing of his face . The Doctor , he shall heare of him at Westchester ; And of the Captayne , tell him at Yarmouth : or Some good port-towne else , lying for a winde . If you get off the angrie Child , now , sir — KAS. To his sister . Come on , you yew , you haue match'd most sweetly , ha' you not ? Did not I say , I would neuer ha' you tupt But by a dub'd Boy , to make you a lady-Tom ? 'Slight , you are a mammet ! O , I could touse you , now . Death , mun' you marry with a poxe ? LOV. You lie , Boy ; As sound as you : and I am afore-hand with you . KAS. Anone ? LOV. Come , will you quarrell ? I will feize you , sirrah . Why doe you not buckle to your tooles ? KAS. Gods light ! This is a fine old Boy , as ere I saw ! LOV. What , doe you change your copy , now ? Proceed , Here stands my doue : stoupe at her , if you dare . KAS. 'Slight I must loue him ! I cannot choose , i-faith ! And I should be hang'd for 't . Suster , I protest , I honor thee , for this match . LOV. O , doe you so , sir ? KAS. Yes , and thou canst take tabacco , and drinke , old Boy , I 'll giue her fiue hundred pound more , to her marriage , Then her owne state . LOV. Fill a pipe-full , IEREMIE . FAC. Yes , but goe in , and take it , sir . LOV. We will . I will be rul'd by thee in any thing , IEREMIE . KAS. 'Slight , thou art not hide-bound ! thou art a Iouy' Boy ! Come let 's in , I pray thee , and take our whiffes . LOV. Whiffe in with your sister , brother Boy . That master That had receiu'd such happinesse by a seruant , In such a widdow , and with so much wealth , Were very vngratefull , if he would not be A little indulgent to that seruants wit , And helpe his fortune , though with some small straine Of his owne candor . Therefore , gentlemen , And kind Spectators , if I haue out-stript An old mans grauitie , or strict canon , thinke What a yong wife , and a good braine may doe : Stretch ages truth sometimes , and crack it too . Speake for thy selfe , knaue . FAC. So I will , sir . Gentlemen , My part a little fell in this last Scene , Yet 't was decorum . And though I am cleane Got off , from SVBTLE , SVRLY , MAMMON , DOL , Hot ANANIAS , DAPPER , DRVGGER , all With whom I traded ; yet I put my selfe On you , that are my countrey : and this pelfe , Which I haue got , if you doe quit me , rests To feast you often , and inuite new ghests .

This Comoedie was first acted , in the yeere 1610 .

By the Kings Maiesties SERVANTS .

The principall Comoedians were , RIC. BVRBADGE . IOH. LOWIN . HEN. CONDEL . ALEX. COOKE . ROB. ARMIN . IOH. HEMINGS . WILL . OSTLER . IOH. VNDERWOOD . NIC. TOOLY . WILL . EGLESTONE .

With the allowance of the Master of REVELLS .

A04632_08-face 274 A04632_08-subtle 218 A04632_08-mammon 75 A04632_08-doll 58 A04632_08-kastril 44 A04632_08-dapper 41 A04632_08-lovewit 37 A04632_08-surley 35 A04632_08-ananias 29 A04632_08-drugger 26 A04632_08-tribulation 21 A04632_08-missing 12 A04632_08-pliant 10 A04632_08-1_neighbour 5 A04632_08-officer 5 A04632_08-2_neighbour 4 A04632_08-3_neighbour 4 A04632_08-5_neighbour 3 A04632_08-4_neighbour 2 A04632_08-unassigned 2 A04632_08-6_neighbour 2 A04632_08-love-wit 1 A04632_08-surly 1

Textual Notes

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A04632_08-330-a-5500 ▪ Graces seruants ; And , put on a cleane shirt : You doe not know What grace her Grace may A04632_08-334-b-4420 Ulen spiegel be to heauen , And make vs worthy of it . Ulenspiegel . A04632_08-338-a-5380 rude'as tricks of a proud sciruy ladie , And be as rude 'as her woman . A04632_08-342-b-1130 inuente● are Wayes , that the godly Brethren haue inuent'd For propagation of the glorious cause , A04632_08-343-a-1320 ●●all summe , I haue trick To melt the pewter , you shall buy now , instantly , And , with a tincture A04632_08-343-a-1440 〈◊〉 now , instantly , And , with a tincture , make you as good Dutch dollers , As any are in A04632_08-347-a-2560 Ule● I am school'd , good Ulen . A04632_08-347-b-0230 ▪ answeres speake your breeding , and your bloud : A04632_08-349-b-3470 ha●h out in tables : and my instrument , That hath the seuerall scale vpon't , shall make you A04632_08-349-b-4370 ▪ I'll come to you presently . A04632_08-351-b-1350 ●orth And then come forth in pomp ! A04632_08-357-b-1510 an'the me leaue To touch the dore , I'll trie , an' the lock be chang'd . A04632_08-358-a-5110 seu ' night , Weare it , and feed it , about this day seu'night , On your right wrist — A04632_08-358-b-4910 thou'saist turne our course To Brainford , westward , if thou' saist the word : And take our leaues of