What a myschyef is this ? be not the gates open ? I trowe eyther the locke is chaunged / or elles doubtlesse it is troubled .

Mary loke betyme , leest per aduenture thou hast not broughte the ryght keye . For this dore is not opened with the same keye , wherwith thou doest open thy treasoury . And therfore , why hast thou not brought hyther bothe twayne ? For surely this is a keye of power / not of connynge .

Forsothe I had neuer other but this / neyther I se not what nedeth the other key , whan this is present .

Neyther I of trouth / but for bycause we be shet out in the meane tyme .

This freateth me not a lytell . I wyl breke dowue the gates . Hey , hey , some of you , quyckely come open the gate . What a rekenynge is this ? Wyl no man come forthe ? What causeth this porter to tary so longe ? I thynke he is fallen in to some dronken slepe .

Se ye not how this man estemeth all other men of his owne condycyons .

It is happy that we haue so stronge a gate , or elles he wolde haue broken it . He muste nedes be some gyaunt / or some great ruffler / or beater downe of walled townes . But , o , immortall god / what a synke I smell here ? I wyl not be hasty in openynge the dore / but I shall spy here out at this grate what monster it is . what arte thou / or what eyleth the ?

Wherfore doest thou not open the gates as fast as thou canst ? whiche sholdest haue met me , yf thou had done thy duety , and al the pompe of heuen to .

Lordely spoken . But I pray the tell me fyrst of all / who thou arte .

As though thou mayst not se what I am .

Mayste not se quod he ? of trouthe I se a newe syght , and suche one as I neuer sawe before / to speake playnly a very monstre .

But and yf thou be starke blynde , I trowe thou knowest of olde this key / albeit that thou knowest not this golden oke , and thou seest here to this tryple crowne / and also this cope shynynge on euery syde● with golde & precyous stones .

As for the syluer keye in dede I knowe of olde , after a maner / and thoughe ye haue broughte it alone , beynge yet moche vnlyke to those which Chryst the true pastor or shepeherde of the chyrche dyd ones del●uer me . But how were it possyble for me to knowe this crowne so gloryous , as neuer any straunge tyraunte durste weare / moche more no suche ( certaynely ) as wolde be let in here . As for this goodly vestiment , I passe lytel vpon / whiche dispysed & was wonte to treade vnder my fete , both golde and precyous stones , lyke as I dyd tyle stones , But what thyng is here ? I se bothe in the key / crowne / & garment / tokens of some knauysshe tapster , and false iugler / hauyng my forename , that is to say , Symon / but nothyng folowyng my profession / which name I confounded ones by the assystence of Christ .

Leue these brablyng wordes , if thou be wyse : for I ( if thou knowe me not ) am Iulius the lombarde , borne in Liguria / and I thynke thou knowest these .ij. letters . P. and . M. oneles thou dydest neuer know thy crosrowe .

I wene they signify the greatest pestylence .

Ha , ha , ha , Howe ryght he hytteth the nayle on the heed .

No not so , the greatest bysshop .

Howe great so euer thou be / and though thou were greater than T●ismegistus the neuewe of greate Mercurius , thou shalte not be receyued in to this place , onles thou be also optimus , that is to say holy .

Yf it make any thyng to the mater to be called holy , thou arte past all shame , which doubteth to open me the gates / seyng thou was calmany yeres ago , onely holy . For truely no man called me but mooste holye . There remayneth at this day .vi. M. bulles .

Bulles in dede .

In whiche I am called , and that not ones , moost holy lorde . Besyde this I was intituled vnder the name of holynesse it selfe / and not of a holy man , what so euer was my pleasure .

Ye thoughe thou were st●●ke dronke .

Th●t , men wolde say the holynesse of moost holy lorde Iulius had done .

Than go aske heuen of suche flaterers that was wonte to make the moost holy / & let those gyue the felycite , which gaue the holynes : But supposest thou alone , to be called holy or to be holy in dede .

Thou angrest me to the herte Yf I myghte lyue agayne , I wolde neyther desyre this holynes nor felycite .

O voyce the declarer of a very holy mynde . Neuertheles whan I do but onely loke on the I perceyue moche vngoodlynes / but no token of holynes in the. What meneth this newe garde , so vnmete for a bysshop ? For thou bryngest almoost .xx. M. with the / and I se not one amonge them all that loketh lyke a good chrysten man . I se a fylthy sorte of men / sauourynge nothynge but of bawdry / dronkenes / and gonpowder . They seme to be hyred to robbe / or rather a sorte of spyrytes come out of hell , to make bataile agaynst heuen . Now the more I beholde thyselfe / so moche lesse I se any step of an apostolyke man . Fyrst of all , what a monstre is here ? Whiche wearest aboue the garmente of a preest / & vnderneth thou lokest al fyersly / and clynkkest within with bloody harneys . Besyde all these , what a cruell loke / how stoborne a face / how thretnynge a forheed / how hawt and disdeynous a countenaunce : I am truely ashamed / and very wery for to se it / that there is no parte of thy body , but it is defyled and vicyate with tokens of prodigyous / & abhomynable lust . And ferthermore , it nede not to speake how thou doest ryfte / and smellest al togyther of excesse and dronkennes / and me thynketh thou lokest as thou had of late vomyted . To be shorte , suche is the shape of all thy body / that thou apperest not so broken , roten , and ouercome so moche with age , as with surfettes .

Howe ryght he hath paynted hym in his colours .

Yet although that I se the but euen nowe thretnynge me as it were with thy countenaunce . Yet for all that , I can not but vtter my thought . I do suspecte that the most pestileut heathen Iulius is come agayne disguysed from hell , to laugh me to scorne / thou arte so lyke to hym in al poyntes .

Madisi .

What sayde he ?

His holynes is now an angred . At this worde there is neuer one of the cardynalles that wolde tary in his syght / for yf he dyd , he sholde haue felte his moost holy fyste / and namely after dyner .

Me thynke thou perceyuest very well the mannes appetyte , therfore tel me who thou arte .

I am the greate spyryte or aungell of Iulius .

But I thynke the euyll angell .

What kyn one so euer I am , I belonge to Iulius .

But I say , leue these try flynge tales : and open the gates : excepte thou had leauer haue them broken open . What nedeth many wordes ? seest thou what a sorte of companyons I bryng with me ?

Truely I se a sorte of erraunt theues . But ●o put the shortly out of doubte , these gates muste be wonne with other maner of artyllery .

I say here is wordes plenty , yf thou wylte not spedely obey , I wyll bende agaynst the , the thonderbolt of excommunicacyon / wherwith I haue feared somtyme the hyghest kynges of the erthe , and also many greate kyngdomes / I trowe thou seest here a bul prouyded for the same purpose .

But I pray the what thondre or thondreboltes , what bulles calues and crakynge wordes doest thou speake of to me . For I neuer herde any suche of Chryst.

But thou shalte fele , onelesse thou wylte obeye .

Yf thou hast in tyme past feared any with suche cardes of .x that is nothynge to this place / for here thou muste occupye true warre . This howlde is vaynquysshed with good werkes : not with euyll wordes : But I pray the thretnest thou me with the thondrebolte of excommunicacyon ? tell me by what auctoryte .

Bycause I trowe that I am nowe departed from that lyfe .

Euen therfore .

But thou which art more than so deed , art nothyng better than I by this reason .

Naye not so syr / for as longe as the cardynals stryue for the chusyng of a newe Pope / so longe is the offyce myne owne .

Howe he dremeth of his dremyng lyfe .

But yet ones agayne , open the dore I say .

I say thou labourest all in vayne , onelesse thou can shewe thy deseruyng merites .

what merites ?

I wyll tell the. Hast thou passed all other in holy doctryne ?

I knewe neuer a dele / nor I had leyser therto , hauynge so many batayls / but I haue freres ynowe , yf this pertayn to our mater

Therfore it is lyke ynoughe thou hast wonne many to Chryst , with thy good lyuyng .

Ye rather to hell , and that great plente .

Wast thou clere and shynynge with myracles ?

Thou spekest of suche maters as were clene out of vse with me .

Hast thou ben accustomed to pray purely , and besyly ?

What tryfles he prateth .

Or was thou wonte to macerate , or subdue thy bodye with fastynges & watches ?

No mo of these maters I pray the , to this man / lese not thy labour .

I neuer knewe other ornamentes of a right bysshop , yf this man hath other more lyke to the apostles : let hym shewe them forthe .

Truely it is ferre vnfyttynge that the great conquerour Iulius ( which was neuer yet ouer come ) sholde nowe gyue place to Peter / to speake no ferther , a poore fyssher , and in maner a very begger . Neuertheles bycause thou shalt knowe what a great prynce thou settest nought by , here me thre or foure wordes . ¶ Fyrst of all I am borne in Liguria / neyther I am no iewe as thou art / with whom I am sory that I haue had so moche lykenes to / as that I was ones a pylote of a shyp .

That is nothynge to be sorowed for . For here in is moche dyfference bytwene you / for he fysshed to get a poore lyuynge / thou were wonte at a lytell wage offred the , to plucke downe tht sayles :

Moreouer of Sixtus whiche was doubtlesse the greatest pope .

He meaneth his greatnes in myscheues :

I was his neuewe by his syster / and fyrst promoted by his specyall fauour , & myne owne polycye , to spyrytuall dygnytees / than after clymmed vp , as it were by stayres , to the heygth of a cardynalles hat . After exercysed with many sharpe stormes of fortune , beynge therto tossed vp and downe , with moost cruell chaunces / and besyde many other dyseases . I had also the kynges euyll . To be shorte , I swarmed all full of the frenche pockes . Besyde all this I was a banysshed man , odious , condempned abiecte of all men , and almoost past all togyther / yet I neuer mystrusted 〈◊〉 be the greatest bysshop / suche a courage hadde I euer . But as for thou waste afrayed at the voyce of a mayden / and was glad to deny thy mayster . A woman toke clene awaye thy stomake . It fortuned contrary wyse to me / for there was a wyse woman , or sortylege , that put me in all this trust / whiche in the tyme I was drowned in all my misforunes , whyspered me pri●yly in the eare , sayenge : Stande styfly , & be of good courage Iulian. be not agreued , whatsoeuer thou do or suffre / thou shalte ones be crowned with thre crownes / thou shalte be kynge of kynges / and lorde of lordes . Neyther my hope than her prophecy disceyued me . For to that I came wrastlynge thorowe many cares : no man supposynge any lykelynes in me / partely by ayde of the frenchemen , succouryng me in my exyle / and partly with an inestimable power of money , made by vsury . Neyther it came to passe without great polycy .

What policy was it ?

That is to say not without many promised benefyces / and that by sure couenaunt / with great crafte for to finde sureties for the same purpose . For ●ruely it had ben to moche for riche Crassus to haue payed so greate a somme of money at ones . But I speake these thynges to the in vayne , whiche euery audytor dothe not well perceyue . I haue nowe rehersed the howe I crepte vp to myne offyce . Nowe in myn offyce I handled my selfe in suche wyse , that there is neuer one amonge all the olde bysshoppes , whiche in respect of me appereth worthy the name of bysshops / neither there is any of the newe byshops to whom the chyrche , yea Christ himselfe is so moche bounde as to me .

Howe strayght this beest playeth Thrasoes parte .

I marueyle what ende thou wylte make .

For truely I ( with many newe founde offyces , as they call them ) haue highly encreased and enlarged the popes treasory . I found ( than after ) meanes how bysshopryches myght be bought without Simonye : For it was decreed by my predecessoures , that he whiche chaunced to haue a bysshopryche , sholde depose or laye downe his offyce : Which wordes I dyd interprete in this wyse . Thou arte commaunded to gyue vp thyne offyce : but that is not gyuen vp whiche thou haste not : thou must bye therfore that offyce whiche thou mayste gyue vp . By this policye euery bysshopryche was worthe to me syxe or seuen thousande duckates / besyd all suche exactions as ben asked customably for bulles . Moreouer , I gate great vauntage of the newe money , wherwith I fylled al Ytaly : Neyther I ceased at any tyme from gatherynge ryches , perceyuynge ryght well ( without that ) that neither holy nor prophane domynion coude haue ben ryghtly done without that . But and to speke of greater poyntes of my practise , I restored and deliuered vp Bonony than in habyte with the bentiuoles . To the see of Rome I ouerthrwe in batayle the Ueniciens , neuer vaynquesshed before I had almoost take in a snare the duke Ferrare , longe vexed with batayle . The scysmatyke councell I deluded in good tyme / feynynge an other councell / and so put away one myschief ( as the common saying is ) with an other . Last of all I droue the frenche men ( than sore adred of all chrystendome ) clene forthe of ytaly / & was purposed lykewyse to do the Spanyardes ( for I dyd holly so entende ) yf the fatall sentence of god had not taken me out of this lyfe / But se here , how coragious a stomake I shewed . I began to vewe dylygently the borders of hye Fraunce . I let than growe my whyte berde , whan all thyng was in despyracyon . But full sodeynely commeth a golden messenger shewynge that at Rauenna a certayne thousandes of Frenche men were slayne . At suche tydynges / Iulius reuyued agayn . Moreouer I lay thre dayes for deed . Also I felte no lyfe at all my selfe , but here ( bothe aboue al other mens hope , and myne also ) I reuyued agayne . So great is my auctoryte and power , with my other polycy , that there is at this daye neuer a chrysten prynce , but I can cause hym to make warre / notwithstandynge they be neuer so sure inleged . For an example , I brake the last bande and leyge ( Whiche the cameryckes made betwene my holynes , and other princes . That is to say the frenche kynge , & the kyng of Romayns ) so craftely , as thoughe there had neuer ben mencyon of it . ¶ Besyde all this I kepte so great an hoost / garnysshed so many gloryous and shynynge tryumphes / so many ioly maskeryes / so dyuers buyldinges / and yet I lefte .l. C.M. ducates at the tyme of my deth / intendyng to proue hyer maistryes , if that iewe my phisicyon ( that by his sorcery dyd proroge my lyfe ) coude haue prolonged me any more . But wolde god nowe some magyke coude restore me to lyfe , that I myght yet finyshe suche thynges , as I dyd gorgyously begynne . Albeit at the poynte of dethe I was moost besy to prouyde , that batayles whiche I had graciously begon in al partes sholde not cease by my dethe . And I laboured that the treasour whiche I lefte myght be saued for the same purpose , this was my last wordes at my departynge . Now disdeynest thou to open Christes gates , to a bysshop deseruyng so moche , bothe of Chryst , and his chyrche . He shall more maruel at these thynges that perpendeth and consydereth by what wysoome & pollicy I brought all these maters to passe , hauynge no other helpe at all , as other be commenly wonte , nor of my kyn . For I knewe neuer my father , whiche thynge I say to my prayse / nor by beautie , for euery man abhorred my vgly face / neither by any lernyng , whiche I neuer tasted / nor by bodyly strengthe , whiche chaunced me in lyke maner , as I haue descrybed befo●e . Neyther by fauour of aege / for I dyd all these thynges beinge an olde man . Not by the commen fryndshyp for euery man hated me . Nor with any clemency or gentilnes , which beinge so harde herted , that I wolde often be so cruell agaynst some , to whome all other were wonte to be entreated by .

Good lorde , what a tale is this ?

Althoughe this appere to an other man harde to brynge to passe , yet it is but a tryfle to hym .

But notwithstandynge that fortune , aege , ꝑsonage of body . To make fewe wordes , bothe goodes and men were agaynst me . I ( hauynge no other ayde but myne owne wytte and money ) haue done these great and valyaunte feates in fewe yeres . Leauynge also so moche ayde to my posteryte , that they may haue ynoughe to do withall● for the space of .x. yeres . I haue spoken these thyngꝭ of my selfe , & that very truely / but nothynge to that I coude say . But yf one of my rethoricyens handled the mater , thou sholdest say thou herdest a god , and no man .

Moost valyaunt warryour / for so moche as all these maters whiche you shewe me be to me very straunge , and suche as I neuer herde of before . I pray you to pardon myne ygnoraunce and rudenes , & that it be not greuous to your hyghnesse to make an answere playnly to me , in suche thinges as I wyl aske of you . What be these goodly minyons that folowe you ?

I kepe them for my pleasure .

What be these blacke company all full of skarres ?

They ben souldiers , and theyr capitaynes : whiche haue ben manfully slayne in batayle for loue of me and the chyrche . Some in the syege of Boleyn le grace / & many also at the batayle agaynst the Uenyciens . A great sorte at the syege of Rauenna , to whom heuen is due by couenaunt . For I promysed them longe ago , by my great bulles , that al they sholde fle strayght to heuen , that fought for the mayntenaunce of Iulius power , howe soeuer they lyued before .

Therfore to my ymaginacion they were of this good fraternite , that hath ben very often greuous to me , or thou came hyther , shewynge forthe theyr folysshe bulles . Howbeit they made no suche facynge as to entre in by force .

Therfore as fer as I can se , thou woldest not suffre them come in .

I trowest thou ? no neuer one of the lynage . For truely so hath not Chryste taught me , to admyt any that bryngeth suche instrumentes . But to them that hath clothed the naked , and fedeth them that be an hongred / gyuen drynke to the thyrsty , and visyteth the sycke , and helpe poore prysoners , and harborowe the harbourlesse . For seinge he wolde , they sholde be excluded that hath prophesyed in his name / that hath cast forthe deuylles / that hath wroughte myracles . Thynkest thou than that they shall be let in , that bryngeth hyther nothyng but a bare bull in the name of Iulius .

Ah , what if I had knowne this before .

I wote well what ye wolde haue done , if any of your frendes had come from hell , and shewed you these thynges / ye wolde haue proclaymed open warre against me .

And not onely that , but I sholde haue cursed the , as blacke as a cole .

But go forthe / wherfore art thou all in armour ?

As though thou knewest not that bothe the swerdes pertayned to the hyest byss●op , excepte thou wylte haue men fyght naked .

Truely whan I occupyed thy rowme , I knewe no swerde at all , but the swerde of the spiryte / whiche is the worde of god .

But Malchus wyll tell an other tale , whose eare thou cut of . I trowe without a swerde .

I remembre and knowe that ryghte well . But than I fought for my mayster Christ . Not for my selfe , for my maysters lyfe . Not for money , or temporall dignyte . And than I fought beinge neyther pope nor bysshop . And at that tyme whan the keyes were onely promysed me , but not receyued . Neyther I had receyued yet the holy goost . And notwithstandynge at that tyme I was commaunded to put it vp agayne / and monysshed openly , that suche maner of fyghtynge , was not syttynge for preestes , neyther for any christen man . But these thynges shal be more mete for an other place . Why doest thou so moche boste thy selfe to be a L●mbarde / as though it were any thynge materyall to the vycar of Christ what countre man he be .

Yes surely / for I thynke it the hyest kynde of loue to auaunce and magnifie my countre . Therfore I wryte this tytle in all my coynes of money / pictures in all vautes , and walles .

Ergo he knewe his countre , whiche knewe not his father ? But at the fyrste I thoughte thou haddest mente of the heuenly Hierusalem / the countre of beleuers , & of the onely prince of the same / by whose godly power , they whiche be there desyreth to be sanctifyed / that is for to say , made clene . But what meaneth this addicyon ? Sixtus neuew by his syster , whom I maruell neuer came hyther , namely whan he was the hyghe bysshop , and cosin to so great a duke as thou arte . Wherfore tell me I pray the , what maner of felowe was he ? Was he any preest ?

I promyse the he was a valyaunt warryour , & of an hygh religyon / that is to wyte of saint Fraunces ordre .

In dede I knewe somtim● Fraunces , one of the beste syse amonge the laye fee / and an vtter despyser of ryches / pleasure / & worldly ambicyon . But hath that poore creature goten hym nowe suche great rulers vnder hym ?

As ferre as I perceyue , thou wylte not that any man shall ryse to promocyon . Truthe it is , that Benet was ones a poore monke / neuertheles his posteryte or successours , be now so ryche that we popes do enuy them

Uery well . But retorne to thy mater of Sixtus neuewe .

I sayd for the nonest , to stop theyr mouthes , which affyrme liberally that I was his sonne / and begoten on his syster .

Liberally spoken in dede . But what of that , saye they not truely ?

How soeuer it be , it is not for the popes honour , wherto specially I must haue regarde .

To speake of regardy●ge , surely me thynkes that honoure coude not be more regarded , than if they dyd noth●g th●t myght iustly be layde to theyr reproche . But I requyre , and adiure the / and that by thy pontyficall maiestie , to tell me without fablynge . Is this way ( that thou tellest me nowe ) ●he commen trade & meanes to come to the hygh papacy .

Well I wote there was no other fassyon in many yeres , o●les he that succedeth me , be made otherwyse . For after that I had my purpose / by and by I sent a bull vnder leed to warne them , leest any man sholde entre in to the honorable see , by suche meanes . And also renewed the sayde bull a lytell before my dethe . Howe moche it shall preuayle , let them care that nede hath .

I suppose there coude no man descrybe the mischeuous corrupte fassyon , better than ●hou . But one thynge I maruell of , howe any can be founde that wyll take the offyce vpon hym / seynge that it is so paynefull to kepe , & daungerous to come by / whan I was the bisshop I coude scarsly enforce any to take on hym the offyce of a poore preest , or deacon .

It was no great meruel . For that tyme the state or condicion of the by●shops and other fathers was nothyng els but laboures / watchynges / fastinges / preachynge / and often tymes deth . But now it is al hole a kyngis lyfe , and better . Therfore who is it / yf he haue any tru●t at all to vaynquysshe / that wolde not go to hande grypes for so swete a lyfe .

But tel forthe , what sayde thou of Bonony . Wente it out of the fayth , that it neded to be restored to the see of rome .

Peas that was no mater .

Perchaunce the cominalty decayed by the mysgouernaunce of Bentinofus .

No in dede . For at that tyme the citie was moost in his floures / repayred , and illustrate with many goodly buyldynges . And therfore I was more gredy ouer it .

I perceyue the mater now . Did he not than come in by a wronge title ?

That was not the mater . For he came to it by the fauour of the hole body of the towne .

Than the Bononyes wold not suffre hym to be rule ouer them ?

Yes mary . They helde styfly with hym / and were almost all togyther agaynst me .

What than was the cause ?

Playnely this was al the mater . Bycause he gouerned in suche wyse , that there came but a fewe thousandes of the vnreasonable sommes of money , whiche he gathered of the cyrezyns to our treasour house . Besyde al this it was a very necessary thynge so that , whiche I wente aboute . And so by helpe of the Frenche men , and many other whiche I en●orced therto with the thondrebolte of my curse , I voyded him and his the towne . I put in theyr rowmes cardinalles and bysshops to rule the same / so that no parte of the profytes myght escape the see of Rome . An other cause was , that the chief tytle and honour of the empyre of Rome appered ell togyther to be theyrs . But nowe are set forthe in euery parte of the towne our ymages / our tytles be red / our tokens and monumentes of victory be worshipped / and in many sondry places standeth a Iulius of stone or brasse . To be shorte yf thou had sene with what a regal pompe and triumphe I entred in to Bonony , perchaunce thou woldest the lesse haue set by all the tryumphes of Octauians or Scipions / and that it was not without a cause , that I entreprised so ferre . For thou myght haue sene there the very chyrche milytaunt & tryumphaunt , bothe at ones .

Therfore whan thou reygned ( as I perceyued ) that fortuned whiche Christ commaunded vs to praye for , in the Pater noster . Let thy kyngedome come to vs . Nowe I praye the , what heynous displeasure had the poore Uenyciens done to the ?

Fyr●t of all they folowed all togyther the Grekes , and made me theyr laughyng stocke / speakyng euer al they coude to my reproche .

But was it true or false that they spake .

What mater is that ? It is playne sacrilege ones to whysper of the byshop of Rome , excepte it be done to his prayse . Moreouer , they bestowed al theyr benefyces at theyr owne pleasure . Nor they wolde suffre no appeles hyther , nor bye any dispensacyons . What nede many wordes ? They vexed the see of Rome 〈◊〉 suche wyse , that it coude not be suffred Whiche moreouer withheld a great parte of thy patrimony .

Of my patrimony ? I pray the what patrimony tellest thou me of ? that lefte all togyther and poorely folowed poore Chryst.

I speake of certayne townes that belonge to the see of Rome . For so it pleased the moost holy fathers to call a particuler parte of theyr possessyons .

Truely ye haue goten moche lucre and auantage to my greate sclaundre . And doest thou therfore call this an intollerable hurte ?

What elles ?

Ye but was theyr maners to be suffred ? or theyr loue towarde god decayed ?

Tusshe , thou speakest of tryfles / the mater is this . They withheld from vs yerely infinyte thousandes of duccates , whiche had ben suffycient to fynde an armyryall .

Be my trouth a great losse to suche an vsurer . But that same duke of Ferrare , what had he done ?

What had he done ? A chorle of al chorles : whom Alexandre the vicare of Chryste had in ●uche fauoure ( thoughe he was but of base bloode ) that he maryed one of his doughters to him / & gaue therto great possessyons , for her dowry . And yet nothynge at all remembryng his humanyte & kyndnesse euer barked and whyned agaynst me / callynge me often scismatyke / ●●ggerer / & frantyke felowe . And farthermore , he claymed many trybutes / which albeit they were but small / yet a dilygent curate wolde not vtterly dispyse them .

Nay , a crafty marchaunt .

But to come to our mater / it was somwhat expedyent to that whiche I wente aboute , to haue that goodly towne coupled to our patrymony / bycause it lay commodyously for vs , therfore I was purposed ( that ones brought to passe ) to gyue it to a kynsman of ours / a felowe very actyue , and bolde inough to attempte any maner of thing , for the auauncement of the chyrche , / which slewe not longe ago the cardinal of Papia with his owne hande , for my pleasure but as for his doughters husbande is contented wel ynough .

What here I ? Hath also the hye bysshops wyues , & chyldren ?

They haue no wyues of theyr owne , but what straunge thynge is it for them to haue chyldren / sith they be men as other be , and no geldynges ?

But tel me what caused that scismatyke counsel .

It were very tedious to recyte all from the fyrste begynnynge , therfore I shall touche the affecte as briefly as I can .

¶ Certayne persons began to waxe wery of the courte of Rome , they reported , that al togyther was corrupte with fylthy lucre . With prodigyous , and abhominable lechery . With preuy poysonyngꝭ / sacrilege / murdre / symony / and other vnlaufull marchaundyse . They sayde also , that euen I my selfe was a symoniake / a dronkerde / a buggerer / puffed vp with a worldly spiryte . And all to gyther suche a one , that hath vnthryftely occupyed the rowme / and to the great confusyon of all the christianyte . And so these maters out of frame must be ( in gods name ) redressed , by a generall counsell . They sayde therto , that I was sworne to sōmonde a generall counsell within two yeres after I toke my honour / and that vpon this condicyon I was made pope .

But was it truely sayde ?

Yea , it was trouth in dede . Neuertheles I losed my selfe from that othe / whan I thought moost expedient . For what is he that wyll doubte any thynge to swere a mayne , to come to suche a botye ? Godlynes may be reuerenced otherwyse / as one Iulius / suche an other as I am / was wonte to saye moost elegantly . But marke the boldenes of these loselles : and se to what poynte the mater came . Nyne cardynalles shronke from me at ones . They shewed me they wolde haue a counsell , & cyted me to be there / & prayed me to syt as resident or iudge . Whan they coude not brynge me to the poynte / they sent out a general commaundement euery where , by the auctoryte of Maxymilian the emperour / & also by the auctoryte of Lewes the frenche kynge , the .xij. of that name , ●ycause the hystoriens wytneseth , that in tymes past the counsel was wonte to be sommoned by the emperours of Rome . I quake in speakinge it / howe greatly they indeuore them to cut asondre the cote of Christ without any seame / which his crucifyers lefte hole .

But was thou suche a felowe as they reported the ?

What mater is it , if I were ? I was the hye bysshop . But I put case I were more tyrannous than the Cercopyans / more folysshe than Morichus / or most asse in the worlde / yea more fylthy than a commen synke / who soeuer kepeth this key of power , it is mete he be had in reuerence , as Christis vicare , & to worshyp hym as moost holy father in god .

Ye , thoughe he be an open mysdoer ?

That forceth not . But to be playne , it is not conuenient , that he whiche is in gods stede in erth / & representeth al hol●ly as it were a god amonge men , sholde be rebuked , or euyll spoken by of euery vyle felowe .

But the commen reason cryeth against this , that we sholde iudge wel of hym whom we se do openly euyll , or say well of suche as we perceyue to be nought .

I am content , euery man thynke what he lyst , so he say well , or els holde theyr peas , For truely the bysshop of rome may not be rebuked , no not of a generall counsell .

This is one thyng I am assured of● who soeuer is in Christis stede here in erth , ought to be as lyke to hym in lyuyng as can be . And so lykewyse to lede al his lyfe , leest any thyng may be reprehended in hym , or leest any persone ( of his deseruynge ) might speake euyl of hym . It is not well with popes & bysshops , yf they be come to enforce and constrayne men , rather with thretnyng than with good dedes to speke well of them , whom thou canst not lawde without ly●nge● whose greatest glory is , the const●ry●●● seylence of suche as thynke ●uyl of them . But answere me hereunto . I pray the may not the pope ( yt ●e ●e a pestilent caytyfe , & a capitayn of mischif ) be in no wyse deposed●

Oh , wyse man ? who sholde depose him , which is the hyest of al ?

Mary so m●●he the rather ought he to be put downe . For the gr●●●e● man , the more myschief may he do . And to proue ●hat , the lawe cyuile doth not onely depose an emp●rour for his euyl rulyng , but also wylleth hi● to be put to deth . ● , what an vnhappy condicion and sta●e is the chyrche in , whiche must ●e constrayned to susteyne a bisshop of rome , doyng what myschief soeuer he lyst , & may in no wyse blisse vs from suche a cruel tyraunt .

That reason is nought worth For yf the bysshop of Rome myght be put downe , it must be done by the auctoryte of a generall counsell . yea , & besyde this , a counsel can not be holden without the popes consent / for els it is but a conuentycle , & no counsell . But yf so be it be gathered in most due maner , yet nothynge at all may be ordeyned & decreed , but yf the pope be wyllynge therto . Therfore the nexte way I knowe to surpresse a pope is an absolute power , wherby ( yf it sholde be tryed ) one bysshop is able to do more than all the hole counsell . Therfore it is euydent , that he may not be depriued his patrimony for any maner offence .

No ? not for murdre .

No if he killed his fader .

Nor for aduoutry .

Ynough of suche wordes : Not yf he had lyen with his syster .

Neither for wicked symony .

No not for .vi. C. symonyes .

Not for poysonynge .

No , nor for no sacrylege neither .

Nor for blasphemynge agaynst god ?

I say no.

What yf he had done all these togither ?

It forceth not . For put therto ( yf thou wylte ) .vi. C. mo , and worse yf thou can feyne them , & ioyne them all togyther / yet maye not the hye bysshop of Rome be put out of his place , for them all .

Thou tellest me of a dignyte which I neuer herde of before / if he only may be as noughty as he lyst , & no man correct hym . And also a more newe vnhappy case of the chyrche , if it may in no wise dryue out so abhomynable a monstre / but be constreyned to worshyp and kepe suche a byshop , as no man wold suffre to kepe his horses .