The young gallants whirligigg; or Youths reakes Demonstrating the inordinate affections, absurd actions, and profuse expences, of vnbridled and affectated youth: with their extravagant courses, and preposterous progressions, and aversions. Together with the too often deare bought experience, and the rare, or too late regression and reclamation of most of them from their habituall ill customes, and vnqualified manners. Compiled and written by F.L.

THE WHIRLIGIGG . LEauing the learned Axiomes of old , Which graue Philosophers haue wisely told , And left behind them in a morall booke , For childish youth and crooked age to looke ; I doe intend to explicate some Crimes , Now perpetrated in these moderne times , Which differ from the olderne dayes as farre , As is the Artique from th' Antartique Starre . And thou Caliope thou noble Muse , Into my braines thy Coelique power infuse , That I may plainly point out my intent , For youth to know , and knowing to preuent ; And though some Critiques may suppose me vaine To write these Numbers in heroicke straine ; They being vsed at sad Obsequies , By weeping lines in dolefull Elegies : To satisfie their pregnant wits in this , I tell them I was one of those remisse And giddy Youths which wandred in the ayre Of vaine opinion , and excluding Care ; But when my riper yeeres began to spy The end thereof to be but misery ; And when I saw their fond , and idle crashes To be like Meteors onely spent in flashes , I did retire then from that deepe abysse , Where horrid Gorgons doe both sting , and hysse , And dying from that life , as on my Herse , I wrote these Numbers in heroick Verse . But now my Gallants Age I meane to skan , Of Infancy , of Childhood , Youth and Man : The former two I will but onely touch , Lest his two following Ages proue too much . When at his Mothers tender paps hee lay , How did she wait vpon him euery day , Tyring her selfe by tossing in her armes His grisly body , keeping it from harmes . And when his growth hath lent him legs to goe , Reeling and tottering then both to and fro , How often did she watch , and cry , and call ; Take heede the little Boy there doth not fall : Her ardent Care , ioyn'd with her constant Eye , Did still attend his imbecilitie . Her wombe and brests , in which he did delight , He neuer shall be able to requite . His Childhood next ( vnlesse he was a foole ) Required them , to put him vnto Schoole : Where in processe of time he grew to bee A pretty Scholler ; after tooke degree I' th Vniuersitie , as it was fit , Whose Tutor said hee had a ready wit , And well could argue by old Ramus layes , And is the thirteene Fallacies had praise ; Hee well could skill vpon braue Kickerman , And argue soundly ore a Pipe or Can : For Schollers sometime to an Ale-house creeping , Increase their wits more then in bookes by peeping ▪ Now all this while hee had not his full scope , Therefore they did conceiue of him great hope , His Tutor was the man that kept him in , That hee ran not into excesse of Sinne. His literature fill'd his Parents hearts With ioy , and comfort , hoping his deserts Might purchase credit and a good report , And therefore send him to the Innes of Court , To study Lawes , and neuer to surcease , Till he be made a Iustice for the peace . Now here the ruine of the Youth begins , For when the Country cannot finde out sinnes To fit his humour , London doth inuent Millions of vices , that are incident To his aspiring minde ; for now one yeare Doth eleuate him to a higher sphere ; And makes him thinke he hath atchieued more , Then all his fathers auncestors before . Now thinkes his father , here 's a goodly Sonne , That hath approached vnto Littleton , But neuer lookt on 't ; for in stead of that Perhaps hee 's playing of a game at Cat. No , no , good man , hee reades not Littleton , But Don Quix Zot , or els The Knight o' th Sun : And if you chance vnto him put a Case , Hee 'll say perhaps you offer him disgrace , Or else vpon a little further pawse , Will sweare hee neuer could abide the Lawes : That they are harsh , confus'd : and to be plaine , Transcend the limits of his shallow braine . Instead of Perkins pedlers French , he sayes He better loues Ben : Iohnsons booke of Playes , But that therein of wit he findes such plenty , That hee scarce vnderstands a Iest of twenty ; Nay keepe him there vntill the day of doome , Hee 'll ne'er reade out Natura Breuium ; But Ouid-like against his fathers minde , Finde pleasant studies of another kinde . Now twice the Sun his annuall course hath flitted Since first this goodly Gallant was admitted , And now as hee approacheth towards the Barre , His friends , and parents , very iocund are ; And to incourage him in the Lawes lore , He spends much money , and they send him more . He ruffles now in Sattin , Silke , and Plush , And oftentimes soliciteth the bush , Imbroydred suits , such as his father ne'er Knew what they meant ; nor hee knowes how to weare , This golden Asse , in this hard Iron age , Aspireth now to sit vpon the stage , Lookes round about , then viewes his glorious selfe , Throws mony here and there , swearing hang pelfe ; As if the splendor of his mightinesse Should neuer see worse dayes , or feele distresse . His quoyne expended by alluring hookes , His parents him supply to buy him bookes , As hee pretends : but stead of Cokes Reports , Hee 's fencing , dauncing , or at other sports . Thus he affects himselfe in these fond wayes , To gaine an outward superficiall praise Amongst a crew , of sense so much bereft , They scarcely know the right hand from the left ▪ His dauncing Master he supposeth can Make him a right accomplisht Gentleman , Although his birth abridg'd it ; therefore hee Now learnes the postures of the cap and knee , Carrying his body in as curious sort , As any Revellor in the Innes of Court , That Ladies doe behold him with some pleasure Capring Corantoes , or some smooth-fac'd Measure , And in the end of his so actiue dance , Some crooked Lady claps her hands by chance , Which addes such fuell to his kindled fire , That hee outstrips proud Phaetons desire . And should great Iuno but approach so nie , He durst presume to court her Deitie . Now Venus hath him in her louely armes , And the blind Boy prouokes him with his charms , Casting from beauteous obiects piercing darts , Which strike fond Louers to their fiery harts ; Which being once inflamed still doth burne , Vntill their fuell vnto ashes turne . Hee now courts euery thing hee heares or sees , With more delight then Lawyers take their fees . And when he is farre distant from his Faire , ( Through ardencie ) he complements with ayre , Wishing ( Camelion-like ) that hee might liue Inclos'd within the breath which she doth giue : All amorous conceits he now commends , And for the same his mony vainly spends : He now scornes Prose , and on his Mistress Name Writes an Acrostique ▪ or some Anagramme , To shew his wit : and therefore hee hath got Some Poetaster for a double pot , To lend his aide vnto his thin-sculd braine , To paint her praises in a lofty straine , By some Encomiastique Adulation , To which she hath or small , or no relation : The Poet vndertakes it on condition , Hee spends a quart of Sacke for expedition : And then hee sends it vnto Mistress Tit , In his owne name , though by anothers wit . Thus when in streets hee shall be seene to passe , The Poet sayes , There goes a simple Asse , And makes it vnto his Associates knowne , Hee writes good lines , but neuer writes his owne . Your Theaters hee daily doth frequent ( Except the intermitted time of Lent ) Treasuring vp within his memory The amorous toyes of euery Comedy , With deepe delight ; whereas he doth appeare Within Gods Temple scarcely once a yeare , And that poore once more tedious to his minde , Then a yeares trauell , to a toiling Hynd . Playes are the Nurseries of vice , the Bawd , That thorow the senses steales our hearts abroad , Tainting our eares with obscaene Bawdery , Lasciuious words , and wanton Ribaulry . Charming the Casements of our Soules , the Eyes , To gaze vpon bewitching vanities , Beholding base loose actions , mimick gesture , By a poore boy clad in a princely vesture . These are the onely tempting baits of hell , Which draw more youth vnto the damned Cell Of furious Lust , then all the Deuill could doe Since he obtained his first ouerthrow . Here Idlenesse , mixt with a wandring minde , Shall such varietie of obiects finde , That ten to one his Will may breake the fence Of Reason , and imbrace Concupiscence . Or if this misse , there is another ginne Close linckt vnto this taper-house of Sinne , That will intice you vnto Bacchus feasts , Mongst Gallants that haue bin his ancient guests , There to carouse it till the welkin roare , Drinking full boles vntill their bed's the floare : Mongst these it is a customary fashion , To drinke their Mistress health with adoration On bended knees , tossing whole flagons vp , Vntill their bellies fill againe the cup ; And when for more they throw down pots & yall , Their bladders kindnesse is reciprocall ; Sweare , lye , stab , kill , adore their Mistress eyes , More then the Master of th' Olympicke skies . Thus more like beasts then men , deuoid of reason , They please their pallates , by committing treason Against their God , whose Image they deface , Obscuring Reason , and abhorring Grace , Till Bacchus growing hornd , enlarg'd with fury , Takes Atrapos his place without a Iury ; And who can tell whether Elizium Receiues their foules , or the infernall tombe ? What is not apt vnto a drunken soule ? Euen any thing that is or base or foule ; From no absurditie it is exempt , As daring any action to attempt . The fiue great crying Sinnes of this our Land , Which daily draweth downe Gods heauy hand , Are incident to this vile watry sinne , That stickes so fast where it doth once begin . To sweare , to lie , to kill , to steale , to whore , With thousand other petty vices more . Mark but the horrid oathes , that men do sweare , As if from heauen their Maker they would teare , Adorning as they thinke their forged lyes With hellish Rhetorique of blasphemies ; Reiecting that which once the Lord did say , Let yea be yea , and let your nay be nay : Forgetting what a curse , and fatall blame , Shall waite on them that crucifie his name . Lying the next , in which vaine youths delight ; But such ne'er tarryed in Dauids sight : For they that doe inuent and frame such euill , Are of their damned father , call'd the deuill ; And if in time they looke not well about , Shall keepe them company that are shut out . The third is homicide , that cruell Crime , That seld or neuer doth at any time Outline its punishment ; for the Law is good And iust , that doth require blood for blood : But most of all when done on such false ground , As in ebrietie is often found . The fourth is Theft , the droane of Common-wealths That neuer fauoreth the goods or healths Of Brethren , neighbours , that desire to thriue , And by hard labour haue encreas'd their hiue , No sooner got , but straight this crafty droane By rapine takes , and spends it as his owne . The Law condemnes , the Gall-house is prepar'd , Many are truss'd for this , but few deterr'd . The fift is Whoredome , and Adulterie , Daughters of Drunkennes , and Gluttonie ▪ By these and Lazinesse they are begot , As once appeared by the righteous Lot : O! would but once that act had euer bin , Then wee had scap'd , and Lot had borne that Sin . And now my lusty Gallant still resolu'd Into the middle region is inuolu'd , Which thought it coldest be of constitution , Yet doth it not allay his resolution . Old Daedalus his father being dead , He now begins to take a greater head ; With Icarus he purposeth to flye As high as heauen , but marke and presently , Great Phoebus by his power melts his wings , And headlong to the Sea his body flings . His fortunes drown'd , his corps the fishes prey , His fiery braines quencht in the brinish Sea . For now his fathers lands , bonds , golden bags , Buyes him a coach , foure Flanders Mares , two nags , A brace of geldings , and a brace of whores , The one for pockes , the other plaines , and moores : Viewing his Chariot and his rich attire , Makes him beleeue the world is all on fire . He courts it now euen at the Court indeed , Sometimes on Gennet , sometimes English Steed , Pacing with Lacques in the paued streets , In glory bowing to each friend he meets , ( Too prodigall of his fain'd Courtesie , Which may be term'd a proud humilitie ) The Estridge on his head with Beauer rare , Vpon his hands a Spanish Sent to weare , Haires curl'd , eares pearl'd , with Bristows braue & bright Bought for true Diamonds , in his false sight ; All ore perfum'd , and , as for him t is meete , His body 's clad i' th Silk wormes winding sheete . Now thus accoutred , and attended to , In Court and Citie there 's no small adoe With this young Stripling , that obraids the gods , And thinkes twixt them , and him , there is no ods : A haughty looke , a more superbious minde , And yet amongst his equalls too-too kinde . A wanton eye , and a lasciuious heart , That sees no danger , till hee feeles the smart . Now as where tamest feathered fowles abound , Foxes keepe station , and walke that round , So when a raw yong heire is come to land He shall haue foxes waite on euery hand ; When wealth increaseth to a prodigall , Who will profusely waste and spend it all , There is vaine-glory ; and without all doubt The Flatterer will finde that fellow out , To soothe him in his grosse and humorous waies , That neither doe deserue nor loue nor praise : For when such men doe in applause delight , They presently beget a Parasite , Who by insinuating adulation Debase themselues to others eleuation : This cringing Serpent I le no longer smother , But giue the knaue to him , and foole to th' other . The Cockpit heretofore would serue his wit , But now vpon the Fryers stage hee 'll sit , It must be so , though this expensiue foole Should pay an angell for a paltry stoole . The largest Tauernes of the neatest fashion Hee doth frequent ; hee drinkes for recreation . Your Ordinaries , and your Gaming-schooles , ( The gaine of Mercuries , the Mart of fooles ) Doe much reioyce when his gold doth appeare , Sending him empty with a flea in 's eare ; And when hee 's gone to one another laugh , Making his meanes the subiect of their scoffe , And say , it 's pitty hee 's not better taught , Hee 's a faire Gamester , but his lucke is nought . In the meane time , his pockets being scant Hee findes a Lurcher to supply his want , One that ere long by playing In-and-in , Will carry all his Lordship in a skin : Yet as insensible of that deuice , As minding more his pleasure , Cards and dice , Before the Sun hath run his circle round , He in the center of his game is found , Hazarding that which late was lent vnto him , Not dreaming any course can quite vndoe him . Thus by degrees his patrimonie wastes , Whilst he nor sees , heares , feeles , or smels , or tastes , His folly , shame , abuse , deceit , or woe , That future times may force him vndergoe ; But makes progression in his wonted course , With as much vnderstanding as a horse ; Burning the cards , damning the dice that lost , Swearing and cursing , ne'er was man thus crost , Drinking out sorrow , whiffing sighes away , Conuerting day to night , and night to day , As if good Nature had abus'd this wight , And done him wrong , that did himselfe no right . O most insensible and sensuall beast , How are thy intellectuall powers decreast , Whose vnderstanding is so much condense That one would thinke his Soule within his Sense ; For any obiect that the Sense doth moue , Drawes on affection , and affection loue ; Loue being setled by its powerfull might Vpon or good , or bad , attracts delight , Delight breeds custome , and by times progresse Engendreth a foule Monster , call'd Excesse : Excesse ioyes in extreames , whose violence Is alwayes opposite to permanence : Thus giuing way to appitituall guile , They force poore Reason to a farre exile . But stay my Muse , you must not dare to flye Into the secrets of Moralitie , But still proceede i' th path you haue begun , Vntill the setting of this rising Sun , Who in his highest Sphere now seated is , In the Solstitium of his ayrie blisse . Bent to his barre , through prodigall expence , Luxury , drunkennes , incontinence , Pride of apparell , and vaine-glorious acts , Painted delusions , ignominious facts , Seducing Harlots , sucking Parasites , Bewitching Syrens , and lasciuious nights , Abusiue cheatings , and illusiue friends , That seem'd to loue him for sinister ends , Vnfruitfull plots , matches vnfortunate , Nocturnall reuellings intemperate , With millions of deceiuing vanities , Throwne in our waies by Sathans treacheries ; Depriuing men of rich celestiall ioyes , For wretched hopes in momentary toyes . Now being aspired to his vtmost pride , Each full must have a wane , as ebb , a tide , For hauing by a thousand subtle hookes , Squeezed for friends , scribled in Mercers bookes , Perceiuing his decay , they summon straight Their wits together , and doe lie in waite ( By the deuils engins ) to depriue him quite , Both of his libertie , and his delight ; And ere hee can behold his wofull case , He is immured in some wretched place . This Butterfly with all his garish tyre , Now melteth like the snow against the fire ; This Grashopper , that th' other day was seene Capring within his curious silken greene , Singing shrill notes vnto the summers praise , Neuer expected crabbed winter daies , Till chilling Autumne , with his falling leaues , Shriuels his body , and his hope deceiues . His silken garments , and his sattin robe That hath so often visited the Globe , And all his spangled rare perfum'd attires , Which once so glistred in the Torchy Fryers , Must to the Broakers to compound his debt , Or else be pawned to procure him meate . Now debt on debt they doe accumulate Vpon his carefull body and estate ; Vowing reuenge vpon his carkasse there , Sorrowing onely that they did forbeare So long a time , but now the very stones Will pitty him , before they heare his moanes . Nor are his Creditors alone obdure , But euen his Copesmates , whom he thought so sure Shall shrinke like slimy snailes into the shell , Whilst he his plaints vnto the walls doth tell , Whose friendship was ingendred by the Sun Reflecting on their base corruption . Nay more , his bosome friends ( whose neer relation Should ne'er admit of any separation ) Come slowly on , as sorry for his griefe , But haue not wherewithall to yeeld reliefe . And as the nature of the world is such , To giue the needlesse , and the needy grutch , So this deiected man , borne to this fate , ( As if thereto hee were predestinate ) Is now deny'd , who in his prosperous dayes Did winter them that winke at his decayes : For now the equall Iustice of the Time , Requires each man to keepe within his clime ; For if hee straggle from his limits farre , ( Except the guidance of some happy starre Doe rectifie his steps , restore his losse ) He may perhaps come home by weeping crosse . Now doth his soule begin to gather light , Which makes his vnderstanding farre more bright , Now doth the filme of his obscured soule , Weare off ; and manly Reason doth controle The vagrant Will , and thirsting Appetite , Yeelding vnto the Soule ▪ her due , and right . Now is his braine more solid and more dry , By apprehension of his miserie , And not so apt to fancies wandering , That ne'er remaineth firme in any thing . Now with his heart hee wisheth that hee had But two full yeares of those which were so bad ; But all too late , for time doth alwayes passe , But ne're imployes a retrograding glasse . Now he commends the Bee ( though void Reason ) That hoards in summer , for the winter season , Admiring much the fabricke of their Cell , And how they fortifie that Cittadell : A wonder t is to see what they inuent , Both for their lodging , food , and gouernment ; For , as some graue Philosophers haue showne , Each Bee eates nought but that which is her owne . O! thinkes hee now , had I but kept my store , I needed not my carelesnesse deplore , Or had my younger daies afforded wit , To spend no more , then what I now thinke fit ; Had no insinuating Droanes come neere My plentious hiue , I neuer had come here . Another while he lookes vpon the Ant , Sees her great plenty , feeles his greater want , Admires her prouidence that laboured still Her winter barnes in summer time to fill : Wonder of Nature , hater of all sloath , The most laborious , though of smallest growth . Lastly , lookes backe with a deiected eye Vpon his pampred daies , sports , libertie , His midnight reuels , and abundant wine , He sacrificed vnto Bacchus shrine , His bowles of Nectar , fill'd vp to the brim , In which he to his Marmosite did swim ; His Oysters , Lobstars , Cauiare , and Crabs , With which he feasted his contagious drabs ▪ Oringoes , Hartichoakes , Potatoe pies , Prouocatiues vnto their luxuries ; His Musickes Consort , and a cursed crue , That vs'd drinke , vntill the ground look'd blew , Mongst painted Sepulchers , that loue excesse , Who inwardly are full of rottennesse . Thus when he viewes with a more perfect sight , His shining morne turn'd to a gloomy night , And all his glory , pompe , and vaine expence , To haue their due reward , and recompence ; Then bursting forth with acclamation , He blames this wicked generation , Cursing his follies , and the subtle snares , That in his darknes caught him vnawares , Being forced now thorow his owne decay , To wish the fragments , erst he threw away , To quench his thirst with that inebrious cup , Which indigested hee had belched vp : As if the heauenly power had thus ordain'd , Profuse expence should be with want restrain'd . And marke the vnresisted hand of heauen , That whatsoever Talent it hath giuen Of wit or wealth , it is to some good end , To praise his God , or to relieue his friend : But he that still in idle waste is found , Is worse then hee that hid it in the ground . I that haue sense of blessings , and of woe , In my lifes compasse yet did neuer know An Epicurious , and disordred minde Want his affliction in the selfe-same kinde . For drunkennesse , they ▪ thirsting haue acquir'd ; And wanted meate , when they haue much desir'd ; In stead of health , by Feuers they shall melt ; For wandring , want of liberty is felt . Thus euery act hath its opposing ill , Inflicted on it by the Highest will . This Gallants circuit , and Itineration , Is almost finisht in a lower station , Whose meagre body pinde away with griefe , ( For want of seasonable friends reliefe . ) Howerly watcheth when the day shall come , To lay his body in an earthly tombe : Yet oftentimes hope doth awake his spirit , And tells him one day yet hee shall inherit His freedome , and release ; which being done , Another course he doth intend to run , So moderate , and graue , that by the power Of him that sits in the immortall tower , His second life hatcht by supernall fire , Cooperating with a true desire To rectifie his former follies past , Shall make him shine a brighter star at last .

Epilogue . YOu blyth yong Rufflers , that do looke so big , Laugh at the precepts of this Whirligigg ; Mock on with fasetie both your selues & me , Foster your pleasures whilst the golden tree Beares fruit enough ; glory in what you may , Till lusty youth is vanished away ; Sport like the wanton Flie about the light , Vntill your glorious wings be burned quite ; Dance like the fish vpon the gentle brooke , Vntill you swallow both the baite and hooke ; Play with the Pitfall till you vnaware Are clapt vp fast , or tangled in a snare . Doe what you please , no counsell I le bestow On those whose pregnant wits doe ouer-flow : But leaue them to the mercie of their Fate , To know themselues before it be too late : For this by true experience I doe finde , Misery , the salue to cure a haughty minde . This Epitaph if any doe deny , May one day proue his weeping Elegie . Desine plura puer ; & quod nunc instat , agamus , Carmina tum melius , cum venerit ipse , canemus . — nam quis iniquae Tam patiens vrbis ; tam ferreus vt teneat se. FINIS .