IS a tenth part of the Bombast that goes to the s●tting forth of a Man ; and of himselfe could not subsist , but by being adiunct to the rest of his Regiment . He is commonly the Fore-part or Facing of many Men in the World ; when a faire Suit , of his owne making , and the newest edition , presupposes a Shirt semblable ; yet oft-tim●s sits neerer the Skinne ; so sit , so punctuall , as scarsely admits any shifting Insertion . His Art in Numbers is not much fluent ; yet in way of Substraction you may haply finde him dexterious . His dealing consists not much in Weight ; but in the Weight of his pressing-Iron , vnder whose Tyranny , you shall perceiue no small shrinking . Onely for Measure hee improues himselfe no niggard , but rather cuts out with ouerplus , and ha's a gift to preserue large Parings to his owne purposes . Hee condemnes the Reliques of Pride , and other mens superfluities to his Abisse , vnder-bord ; whence is no Redemption , saue onely he reserues some Trophees of his Trade , to match pieces of like valuation ; indeed as Monuments for his Posterity to make vse of . Hee is a kinde of skiping squey-legd Creature , keeps Company with Gentle men , and if you saw him at my Ladies , you would hold him some Vsher of a Dancing-schoole ; as being aptest in sight for a Crosse-Caper . By his clothes you might de●me him a Knight ; but that , if you v●case him , you will finde his S●tt●n Doublet nought but Fore-sleeues and Brest , the Backepart Buckeram ; his Cloke and Cape of two sorts , his Roses and Garters of my Ladies old Cypres . His fashion is to bring all out of fashion ; yet I weares the French were the onely People in the World , & commonly desires to speake that Language aboue all . He vpholds in no Theeuerie to take what is brought , and stretch it forth to his best commoditie . His slender skill in Arithmeticke , ( ouer and aboue his rules of Addition in a long Bill ) has brought him to maintaine this Maxime , that Diuision is most necessarie , and Participation a maine Particle of Thrift . In dead Vacations , he is not idle but oft practiz'd vpon Repaire , where if a Sixe-foot creature chance to Perambulate to his Needles Point ; at push of Pike hee either foiles , or in his Linsey-Wolsey Prison enfolds them . His discourse is rich and plentifull ; the Argument hee treats on , new Proiects ; and tels stories of the newest , and Deuises your Court-Ladies haue got vp . He promises the Chamber-maid a new shagg-wastcoate to induce her Lady to that moderne fashion , not in respect of his owne gaine ; but to shew how well it might become her . Whether he bee in the Bookes of a foolish Citizens Wife , or a fantastique Lady is to him alike materiall . If for the one hee make vp Gowne , Peticote , or other garment ; hee vowes the Citizens carie away now the only fashion from Court-Ladies set off in light colours , gold-lace , &c. If for the other , contrarily hee sweares your Citie Druggs now are not worth a rush ; rich Embroyderies , Silkes , Taffaties , &c. are most Lady-like , and in speciall request . He is an Ambo-dexter , or Iacke of all sides , and will needs mend that which God made . He is in this vaine Age much set by , for his qualitie consists of Inuention , and Translation : and can readily shape an Ape into all fashions .

IS a Volume of various conceits or Epitome of Time , who by his representation and appearance makes things long past seeme present . He is much like the Compters in Arithmeticke , and may stand one while for a King , another while a Begger , many times as a Mute or Cypher . Sometimes hee represents that which in his Life he scarse practises , to be an honest Man . To the point , hee oft personates a Rorer , and therein comes neerest to himselfe . If his Action prefigure passion , he raues , rages , and protests much by his painted Heauens ; and seemes in the heighth of this fit ready to pull Ioue out of the Garret , where perchance hee lies leaning on his elbowes , or is imployed to make Squips and Crackers to grace the Play . His Audience are often-times Iuducious ; but his chiefe Admirers are commonly young wanton Chamber-maids , who are so taken with his posture and gay clothes they neuer come to bee their owne women after . Hee exasperates mens enormities , in publike view ; and tels them their faults on the Stage , not as being sorry for them , but rather wishes still hee might finde more occasions to worke on . He is the generall Corrupter of Spirits yet vntainted , inducing them by gradation to much lasciuious deprauity . He is a Perspicuity of vanity in variety ; and suggests youth to perpetrate such vices , as otherwise they had haply nere heard of . He is ( for the most part ) a notable Hypocrite , seeming what he is not , and is indeed what hee seemes not . And if hee lose one of his fellow Stroules , in the Summer he turnes King of the Gipsies ; if not , some great mans protection is a sufficient Warrant for his peregrination , and a meanes to procure him the Towne-Hall ; where hee may long exercise his qualitie , with clown-claps of great admiration in a Tone sutable to the large Eares of his Illiterate Auditorie . Hee is one seldome takes care for old Age ; because ill Diet and Disorder , together with a Consumption or some worse disease , taken vp in his full Careere ; haue onely chalked out his Catastrophe but to a Colon : and he scarsely suruiues to his naturall period of dayes .

IS the Lobsters Executor , and gets his liuing contrary to all men ; he holds by that as a maine end of his liuing , which catching hold on another proues fatall to his destruction ; howbeit hee seemes Cowardly , and retires fearefully , as if he were working out his owne Destinie . He is like some hypocriticall Miser , that lookes toward charitie , and retires still to couetousnesse . Or by his posture of going back-ward when he looks forward ; may claime affinity with the waterman , who rowes one way , yet lookes another . He is the Spider that spins from about his owne bowels his three-fold web , which may afterward intrap some silly Flies of misfortune . His Boy that sits still turning the wheele ; ( but for default of grauity ) may expresly resemble the old Vsurer turning and winding his money ; himselfe the Money-master or Broker that goes vp and downe , twisting vp the whole estate to his owne Commodity . His wares are of seuerall sizes , some great , some smaller ; and the Beadle finds his as sutable to an Whores backe , as the Hangman his to a Theefes necke . His Ancestors surely were Gardiners or Field-keepers , and he deriues his Pedegree from the Hempstalke . Hee scarsly knowes his owne Coat-Armes ; but may be informed as followeth : On the borders or out-skirts of a faire field Argent , in midst of a three-turning High-way passant , three maie wooden pillars , with crosse banes , in shape of a Triangle , three faire Hemp-stalks vprearing from the foote of those Pillars , and entwining the body in manner of a Vine : then three Collers perpendicularly descending ; with nooses of equall distance . A crosse cheuron of Cable , in the middle and vttermost part , and in the midst of the maine Scutcheon two Beaters with heau'd Beetles . The Crest a large bottome of round platted pack-thred , in shape of a Turkes Turbant , and two Porters for the Supporters girt with a Trinodie of Ropes , and alike crossed ouer the shoulders in forme of a Belt . To be serious , hee is a man industrious in his calling , and his backe retyring , brings him on more forward in the world . He is the Saylors hope-hold ; for he cannot ride safely , without his industry . In fine he is constant to his businesse , and lets not slip his good occasions , till at length the cord of his life vntwines and hee returnes to his graue , where we leaue him .

IS a man furious , making all smoke againe where hee comes , and doubtlesse may proue a stout souldier in a Towne where long siege hath made scarsitie of victuals ; for hee most commonly preferres smoke-drinke before smok-meat . At first he is haply brought to vse it , but for fashion-sake , vntill custome make it habituall : His Brain-pan is lined like an old Vsurers Night-cap ; and for his Belly , though it make a faire shew outwardly ; yet there are many sluttish corners within . The Plurifie , Gout , and other diseases are to him as inseparable , as oppression to an Vsurer , or griping to a Broker . The Recorder , Flute , Hob●ise or any other Pipe the best Musician can inuent , doth yeeld him such content as doth the Tobacco-pipe ; or can afford him like Musicke to please his Nostrils ; were it the Oaten Reed of that Rurall Shepheard which so sweetly warbl●d on the Plaines of of Arcadie . Of all other Countries England is least beholding to him ; for hee prefers Verina , Trinidado , and other barbarous Parts before it , as being the best Seed-plots of those Drugges hee most affects . In all companies where hee comes , hee is neuer vnfurnish'd of his case of Instruments , which he will bee ready to draw on any occasion for himselfe or his friend ; and hath his stops ready at his singers ends to make his Limbecke burne more feruently , till all be consum'd to ashes . To conclude , he is a man dissolues himselfe in vapors while he liues , and being dead is fit for none but Chirurgions to make vse of . On whom I will bestow this Epitaph .

IS the female spawne engendred betwene a Chyrurgion and a Physician , and would seeme to haue skill equal , especially when she meetes with them who either beleeue or admire her . Her proceeding shee neuer tooke in the Schooles ; for her learning is more naturall , and came indeed of her Mother-wit ; sodered vp heere and there with some fragments of obseruation gathered from gossippings and discourse with others of her societie . Her Ingredients ( though for seuerall diseases ) doe neuer much differ ; a few pounded Caterpillers , a rosted Bitches marrow , Stauesaker , a little Bores-grease and Quick-siluer , these are all to a Dramme ; of which ( with a few simples ) shee can temper you a salue for euery sore , and performe as great Cures as euer did Galen or Hypocrates . If it happen she be called into question by Authority , shee ( like the Snaile ) creeps into her shell , and either hides herselfe out of the way , or else brings in some of her sufficientst Neighbours to testifie for her what great good shee hath done in the Common wealth . After a while that shee is growne thus perfectly cunning to deceiue the world by her Physicke ; shee haply proceeds further , presuming to professe the Black-Art , and will make you beleeue she ha's the starres at command , and can readily helpe you to any thing you haue lost ; prouided you minister something vnto her to finde her selfe . If you would know what shall betide you in your affaires , let her but looke in your Hand , or perfectly on your face , her skill is so exquisite in physiognomie or palmistry , shee will easily satisfie your demands without scruple . Shee is first cozen to your Gypsies for Fortune-telling , and can with as much dexterity coozen you of your money , while shee onely pretends obseruing lines in your Palme . In breefe , she is one so seeming skilfull in many things , that indeed she ha's iudgement in nothing ; but one that by her iugglyng Impostures seekes not onely to delude the world , but depraue men of that worthy calling and profession , to whom much honour is due . And so I leaue her , as I finde her , a Subiect vnworthy my further discourse .

IS a rude rustick ruffe hayr'd Compapanion , one that seldome walkes without a Pike-staffe , a Doxy and a Dogge . He is second cosen to Vulcan , approues his genealogy from Tubal-Cain , rather of Cain then Tubal . His shop is alwayes at his backe , and he gets his liuing by making of holes ; for he seldome stops one vnlesse six more beare him Company . He desires most to be a free holder vpon the Common : his house neuer knew the blacke Bible , but the blacke Pot is his neerest and dearest friend . His wife hee seldome regards , but makes it the chiefest holiday when hee least sees her . In the summer season he is most frequent to be seene at the Royall Exchange of a Bush or hedge , where he commonly dynes vpon an earthen Table , in the winter stowes himselfe in some musty Barne . His complexion is sanguine , and he deemes the Barber-no fit member in a Common wealth . His prayers are , The diuell take me , or , God refuse me . In his talke , his full points are curses , and his first line o●thes , where after he hath rapped out some twenty or fortie , hee beginnes to sweare , and hee tels you hee is seldome let blood in the face , or his Nose naild on with his wiues fingers . He is one that haunts Wakes and Faires like a spirit , and his Musicke is alwayes a paire of woodden Organs vnder a Peinthouse , or a Crosse which he loues not to see ; beside his daily practise of the voyce set and sung to the Tabering on a Kettle . He exclaimes much against Gluttony , and wishes euery Butchers shoppe were turned to an Alehouse . He loues not to go vpon Plantages , vnlesse it bee where euery house hath a Brew-house belonging to it . He paies his Land-lords rent with blowes and curses , because his house is not tenantable ; for hee 'l bring the Doore rather then want fine . Hee holds Banbury to be a place not to bee pitti'd though in neuer so much misery . His heart is as hard as his hammer , his fingers smell like Bird-lime . He thinkes a Knaue , a Drunkard , and a Tinker to be the best Common-wealths men and to make most stirring , of which hee desires he may haue an Inheritance .

IS a person so altogether compact of a Country habit , that hee loues not a blacke hat : A skilfull Farrier is his friends enemy . Hee reads Markhams Method , and Banks is his old acquainttance . He keeps his best horses in the worst clothes , and his worst Iades bee richest on weeke-dayes . He hath the Racers , Breeds , and Clymats of the best in England ; for variety of Barbary , Spanish , English , Flaunders and Irish breed , his race , his hunting , drawing , or all in one if you please . Of his bastard sort the Sire and Damme hee keepes an exact Catalogue , and freely offers to let you haue the triall of him any morning to Hye-gate ; and ten to one hee will spend so much time to ride with you himselfe , where haply his Copers bee before to carry him backe vpon some new bargaine ; but ere you get to London you are catcht in his fet-locks , and he fastens on you a Iade that dare not clim● Hye-gate hill . Hee is a man not much affected with Pride , but makes commonly his prauncing serue as a Prologue to his profit He trots , ambles , gallops , rebounds and treads the Measures in all varietie of Paces : hee circumuents Smithfield with curuets , and leaps madly through thicke and thinne , seeming in his full careere , ready to outstrip Pegasus . He keeps at all Faires in Country habits , and the change of his clothes is as frequent as the Moones . He prefers a stout horse before a stubborne wife , and with more delight manages the one then the other . If a lusty Courser come to his hand , his beast and he must trace the prime streets of the City ; for his visit is Cheap-side , Cornwall , Watling , street , &c. Being thus mounted , hee beginnes to eleuate his voyce in a lofty Tone set by himself● , and can speake no other language on his backe but 100. Angels , which oft he should haue beene blest with from such and such a Knight , and this the onely beast that makes him rich , for hee won at least 7 Races in six weekes . What he swears and lyes hee has vouchers for , and the best remedy you can haue , if he proue a Iade , is , that you neuer take him for an honest man . But leaue him as he is , till he mend his manners .

IS a place of rest for restlesse persons , where though many meet and all of one Nation , yet show seuerall conditions . You may haply heare a confused hubbub of contrariety in their speeches , yet many times harpe vpon something that men more sensible then themselues may make ●se of . It is a place where many a stout heart has beene tamed & brought vnder . Where this house is , scarce any need aske , yet may it in some sort seeme questionable , and this Theame challenge a larger comment then ordinary ; for but well consider , and we shall finde many bedlems else-where , as in Court , City , Country , Vniuersity , &c. Are there not Court Bedlems , that conforme themselues meerely to all formes of new fashions , that expend time to raise vp a puffe-paste honour , which as childr●ns bubbl●s v●nish immediate , irr●couerable , or bring in the catastrophe a disgracefull p●aecipitation . Citie B●dlems that seeming cautelous , proue oft too credulous , and by giuing much credit to others themselues haue none left ; or contrary rake and scrape together they know not what for they know not whom . Country Bedlems that haue sold their Farmes to buy them a Pedegree , and at last left themselues no Patrimony . Vniuersity Bedlems , that haue studied their Maiors , Minors , Antecedent and Consequent to bee at length concluded Coxecombs . This place therefore is not onely confin'd betweene More fields and Bishopsgate-streete , but may proue more ample in extent then the King hath any Land .

IS the maine Prop , or surest vpholder of Ancient Citizens , who are declined from the Nominatiue of credit to the Vocatiue of Caret ; hauing multiplied in O●latiue , Substracted in the Ablatiue . The Citie is the circumference , this the Center , or as the Foxe said by the Furriers shoppe the surest place to meete in . It is a Receptacle of Complainers against dead vacations , who haue perhaps made vp their catastrophe in the quick'st Terme . It is the resting place or cares and troubles , a full poyse of misery or safe harbour of ill husbandry . It is a kinde of Inns of Court , where men gather more by experience then study , and haue the Law at their fingers ends . The Keepers in it resemble Ashen trees , bearing fruit , which they turne to no mens profit but their owne ; and seeme to haue power to open and shut to all vnder their charge , as those that receiue Keyes from S. Peter : for you shall perceiue them no lesse skilfull in the sounds and stops of each then the most curious and best Musitian . They are men of much circumspection , and looke more warily to their seuerall wards then the cunning'st Fencer , prest to play his Masters-prize . Shortly , it is a house ch●ap●ier purchas'd then kept , and a mans great'st Fine is payd at parting . It is the Bankrouts bait , which at first he greedily swallowes , after is swallowed vp of . The Speed-well neuer winters here , but the Hope-well ha's cast Anchor .

BRides-well , or Bridgets well , is the City Schoole-mistris , that by due correction tames and brings vnder her vnruly obstinate children of both sexes ; those that haue dranke , or inde●d but throughly tasted of this well , will commonly euer after bee most cautelous of any relapse to returne thither for a second cure . It is a faire , free , hospitable open house for all commers . The complaint of Guests hither inuited or rather incited , seemes quite contrary to that of common Innes , where fault is most found for want of obseruance , the distaste here growing of more followers then needs : Howbeit their Attendants , ( as persons well deseruing ) are men in Liueries , Beadles in Blue-coates , who hold as much land by giuing out statute lace , as your Bosomes-Inne Cariers by deliuering cheeses at Christmas : They are ready waiters on your backs on any occasion , and their maine seruice a full satiety of whipping-cheare . They are men not fluent in discourse , yet captious in your company , much inclined to criticisme , and so Satyricall , that on the le●st fault committed they are ready to giue you a Ierke . They much resemble the Momusses of our times , aff●cted with the spirit of Detraction ; onely in this different , their hands rather then tongues are the greatest Back-biters . Their best exercise is running and driuing at a Carts Taile ; where they take as much pride in the posture and practise of their weapon , as a dexterious Fencer before a Company at Symon and Iude , and are no lesse bountifull and free in the open Markets , then at their owne Hall Table . They are men of large Commission , extentiue in iurisdiction to the vtmost part of their Regiment , euen from the Whore rampant , to the poore Rogue couchant , and are as cunning in conueyances and slights as a Iugler ; for hee is no more but Whip , Passe , and Be gon ; yet these are neuer out of action . It is an Amsterdammicall Conuenticle , translated only in the Clime ; or an hotch-potch of people different in Age , Sexe , Nation , Disposition , not seldome in Religion ; yet euery one vses that little conscience he has , so farre as the whip will giue him leaue . Not vnlike the Family of Loue , for they haue here all things in common , which I thinke commonly is little or nothing , vnlesse the Whip , Stocks , or Pillory . You haue here the grand grosse Baud , Prouocatious Pander , vngratious Letcher , audacious Whore , vngracious Kaue ; rude Ruffians , Runnagates , Cheates , Pimps , Nips , Foysts , Decoyes , & multa alia quae nunc , &c. And though it be euery weeke swept ouer by the Beesome of authority , yet is this muck-hill replenished daily with stuffe of the like kinde . It is a Bee-hiue of Drones , where the good sting them home to the old abode , a Pill to purge vagabonds out of the Common-wealth , and a Curry-combe for Hackney whores to reduce them to their pristine reputation ; for if after punishment you so chance to call them , they get you on the hip , and haue the Law on their owne sid●s . It is a well compacted Common-wealth of workers against their wils , where the awe of the whipstocke confines them to the laborious stroke of the hempe-blocke , and the turning of the wheele a daily Memento of turning ouer a new leafe . It is a bit or bridle for Roaring Boyes that flye out beyond their bounds , or a ciuill gouernment of persons in behauiour most vnciuill , where , though many meet roughly all strangers , yet here grow calme enough and worke together like neighbours . It is a Receptacle of Rogues , Ruffians and Runnagates , who neuer serue God but on Saturday mornings , and then call on him but with small deuotion : when the storme is ouer , all is salu'd vp with a sob and a soure face . It is a stepdame to stubborne natures who would neuer bee ruled by their more naturall mother : An Empericke in a diseased climate , that by a skilfull Phlebotomy , with well managing of a small knotted whipcord , ha's preseru'd many from the fare of a hard hempen halter , and clensed both City & Suburbs of much corruption . It may not vnfitly bee termed the Trades Increase , or Cities Hope-well , where her stubborne youth are made wieldy , brought vp in handicraft professions . It is the Reall Exchange of good houswiues , whither they commonly resort for their Hemp , Flaxe , or Towe , and here finde it ready beaten to their hands by those , who haply thought little to haue come vnder Iurisdiction of Blocke and Beetle .