THis discourse that followes , G●…tlemen-gallants , is of a light-headed Uintner , who scorning to be onely drunke in his owne Seller , would get vp betimes in the morning , to bée downe of his Nose thrice before euening : he was a man of all Tauernes , and excellent Musitian at the Sackbut , and your onely dauncer of the canaries : this st●…ange Wine-sucker had a humour this time of infection , to faine himselfe sick , and indéed he had swallowed downe many Tauerne-tokens , and was infected much ●…th the plague of drunkennes : but howsoeuer , sick he would be , for the humour had possessed him , when to the comforting of his poore heart , he powrde dawne a leauen shillings in Rose of Solace , more then would haue ●…erde all the sick persons in the Pest-house ; and yet for all that he felt himselfe ill at his stomacke aft●…wards , wherefore his request was , reporting himselfe very féeble , to haue two men hired with ●…xpence a piece , to transport him ouer the way to his friends house : but when he saw he was deluded , and had no body to carry him , ●…e flung his Gowne about him very desperatly , tooke his ●…wne legges , and away he went with himselfe as coragiously , as the best stalker in Europe : where being allighted , not long after , he rounded one in the eare in priuate , and bad that the great Bell should be towlde for him , the great Bel of all , and with all possible spéede that might be : that done , he gagged open the Windowes , and when the Bell was towling , cried , lowder yet ; I heare thée not Maister Bell : then strutting vp and downe the chamber , spake to the Audience in this wise .

Is t possible a man should walke in such perfect memory and haue the Bell towle for him ? sure I neuer heard of any that did the like before mée .

Thus by towling of the great Bell , all the Parish rang of him , diuerse opinions went of him , and not without cause or matter to worke vpon : In conclusion , within fewe dayes after , he was found to be the man indéed , whose part he did but play before ; his Pulses were angry with him , and began to beate him ; all his Pores fell out with him ; the Bel towld for him in sadnes , rung out in gladnes , and there was the end of his drunken madnes ; such a ridiculour humour of dying was neuer heard of before : and I hope neuer shall be againe , now he is out of England .

THere was a company of intollerable light Women assembled together , wh●… all the time of infection , liued vpon Citizens seruants : yong Nouices that made their Maisters Baggs die of the Plague at home , whilst they tooke Sanctuarie in the Countrie . Mistake me not , I meane not the best rancke of seruants : but vnderlings , and bogish So●…tes , such as haue not witte to distinguish Companies , & auoyde the temptation of Harlots , which make men more miserable then Dericke . These light-heelde Wagtailes who where ar●…de ( as they tearme it ) against all weathers of Plague and Pestilence ; carrying alwaies a French Supersedies about them for the sicknesse , were determined being halfe Tipsie , and as light now in their Heads , as any where else : to execute a Iest vpon a yong vnfruitfull Fellow which should haue had the Banes of Matrimonie asked betweene him and a woman of their Religion , which would haue proued Bane indéede , and worse then Rattes-bane , to haue beene coupled with a Harlot : But note the euent of a bespeaking Iest , these women gaue it out that he was dead , sent to the Sexton of the Church in all hast to haue the Bell rung out for him , which was suddainly heard , and many comming to enquire of the Sexton , his name was spread ouer all the parish , ( hée little dreaming of that dead report bring as then in perfect health & memorie , ) on the morrow as the custome is , the Searchers came to the house where he laye to discharge their office , asking for the dead Bodie , and in what Room it lay , who hearing himself named , in such a cold shape almost strucke dead indéede with their words , replyed with a hastie Countenance ( for he could play a Ghost well , ) that hée was the man : At which the Searchers started , and thought hée had béene new risen from vnder the Table ; when vomiting out some two or thrée déepe-fecht Oaths ; hee askt what villaine it was which made that Iest of him : but whether the c●…nceit strucke cold to his heart or whether the strumpets were Witches I know not , ( the next degrée to a Harlot is a Bawde , or a Witch , ) but this yongster daunced the shaking of one s●…éete within fewe daies after , and then the Search●…s lost not their labours , and therefore I conclude thus . That Fate lights suddaine that 's bespoke before , A Harlots tongue is worse then a Plague-sore .

Well timde my litle round and thicke Host , haue you any more of these in your fatte Budget ?

I haue them , my Gallant Bullies , and here comes one fitly for sawce to your Capon .

IN a certaine country-towne not farre of , there was a boone companion lighted amongst good fellowes , as they call good fellowes now a dayes , which are those that can drinke best , for your excellent drunkard , is your notable Gallant , and he that can passe away cleare without paying the Host in the Chimney-Corner , he is the king of Cannes , and the Emperour of Ale-houses , this fellow tying his Horse by the Bridle vpon the red Lattis of the window , could not bridle himselfe so well , but afterward proued more Beast then his Horse , being so ouerwhelmed with whole Cans , hoopes , and such drunken deuices , that his English Crowne weighed lighter by ten graines at his comming forth , then at his entering in : and it was easier now for his Horse to get vp a Top of Powles , then he to get vp vpon his Horse , the stirrup plaide mock-holy-day with him , and made a foole of his foote : at last with much adoe he fell flounce into the Saddle , and away he scudded out at townes end , where he thought euery Tree he saw had bene rising vp to stop him : so strangly are the sences of drunkards tost and transported , that at the very instant , they thinke the worlds drownd againe ; so this staggering Monster imagined he was riding vppon a Sea-mare : but before he was Tenne Gallops from the towne-side , his briane plaide him a Iades trick , and kickt him ouer , downe he fell . When the Horse sóberer then the maister stood still and wonderd at him for a Beast ; but durst not say so much ; by and by Passingers passing too and fro , beholding his lamentable downefall , cald out to one another to view that pittifull Spectacle , people flockt about him more and more , but none durst venture within two Poles length , nor some within the length of Powles : euery one gaue vp his verdit , and all concluding in one that he was some coward Londoner , who thought to fly from the sicknes , which as it séemed , made after him amayne , and strucke him beside his borfe : thus all agréed in one tale , some bemoning the the death of the man , othersome , wishing that all Curmudgins , Pennifathers , & fox ▪ ●…urd ●…rers were serued of the same sauce : who taking their flight out of London , left poore Silke-weauers , Tapsters , and Water-bearers , to fight it out against sore enemies . In a word , all the towne was in an vprore , the Constable standing aloofe off , stopping his Nose like a Gentleman-vsher , durst not come within two stones cast by no meanes : no , if he might presently haue bene made Constable in the hundred : Euery Townseman at his wise Non-plus , nothing but looking and wondering , yet some wiser then some , and those I thinke were the Watch-men , told them flatly and plainly , that the body must be remoued in any case , and that Eytempore : it would infect all the Ayre round about else . These horesons séemed to haue some wit y●…t , and their politick counsell was tooke , and embra●…st amongst them , but all the cunning was how to remoue him without taking the winde of him : wherevpon two or thrée weather wise Stinkards pluckt vp handfalls of Grasse , and tost them into the Ayre , and then whoopeing and hollowing , ●…old them the winde blewe swéetly for the purpose , for it stood full on his Back-part , then all agréed to remoue him with certaine long Instruments , sending home for hookes and strong Ropes , as if they had bene pulling downe a house of Fire : but this was rather a Tilt-boate cast away , and all the people drowned within : to conclude , these long deuices were brought to remoue him without a writ ; when by meere chaunce past by one of the wisest of the towne next the Constable , for so it appeared afterwards , by the hornes of his deuice , who being certifesd of the storie , and what they went about to doe , brake into these words openly .

Why my good fellowes , friends and honest neighbours , trew you what you venture vppon , will you néeds drawe the plague to you , by hooke or by crooke , you will say perhaps your poles are long ynough . Why you neuer heard or read : that long deuices take soonest ●…tien , and that there is no vilder thing in the word , then the smell of a Rope to bring a man to his end , that you all know .

Wherfore to auoid al farther inconueni●…nces , dangerous and infectious , hearken to my exployt : If you drag him along the fields , our hounds may take the sent of him , a very dangerous matter : if you burie him in the fields , a hundred to ●…ne but the ground will be rotten this winter ; wherfore your onely way must be to set him lie as he doth , without mouing , and euery good fellowe to bring his Arme-full of straw , heape it vpon him , and round about him , and so in conclusion burne out the infection as he lies : euery man threw vp his old Cap at this , Straw was brought and throwne vpon him by Arme ●…ulls , all this while the drownd fellow lay still without mouing , dreaming of full cannes , E●…psters , and Béere-barrells ▪ when presently they put fire to the strawe , which kept such a brogging and a cracking , that vp ▪ started the drunkard , like a thing made of fire-workes , the flame playing with his Nose , and his Beard looking like flaming Apolloes , as our Poets please to tearme it , who burst into these reeling words when he spied the fire hizzing about his pate .

What is the Top of Powles on fire againe ? or is the●…e a fire in the Powle-head ? why then Drawers , quench me with double Béere . The folkes in the Towne all in amaze , some running this way , some that way , knew him at last by his staggering tongue , for he was no far dl●…et , though they imagined he had dwelt at London , so stopping his Horse which ran away from the fierie Planet his Maister , as though the Diuell had bac●…t him , euerie one laught at the Iest , closed it vp in an Alehouse , where before Cu●…ing the most part of them were all as drunke as himselfe .

Sit you merrie still , Gentlemen Gallants , your Dish of Tales is your best chéere , and to please you my noble Bullies , I would doo that I did not this thirtie yeares , Caper , Caper , my Gallant Boyes , although I cracke my Shins , and my Guts sinke a handfull lower . I le doote , my lustie Lad●… , I le doote .

With that the Host gaue a lazie Caper , and broke his Shins for Ioye , the Reckoning was appeazed , the Roome discharged , and so I leaue them in Powles where I founde them .