Michaelmas Term

Inductio . Enter Michaelmas Terme in a whitish Cloake , new come vp out of the countrey , a Boye bringing his Gowne after him ! Micha:

BOye ?

Boye :

Here sit !

Mi: Lay by my conscience , giue mee my Gowne , That weede is for the country , We must be ciuill now , and match out Euill , Who first made Ciuill , blacke ; he pleas'd the Deuill ; So ; now know I where I am , me thinkes already I graspe best part of the Autumnian blessing In my contentious fadome , my hand 's free , From wronger and from wronged I haue fee , And what by sweat from the rough earth they drawe , Is to enrich this siluer haruest , Lawe , And so through wealthy variance , and fat brawle , The Barne is made but Steward to the Hall ; Come they vp thicke inough ? Boye :

Oh like hops and harlots sir !

Mi:

Why do'st thou couple them ?

Boy :

Oh very aptlye , for as the hop well boiled will make a man not stand vppon his leggs : so the harlot in time will leaue a man no leggs to stand vppon !

Mi: Such another and bee my heyre , I haue no Childe , Yet haue I wealth would redeeme beggery , I thinke it be a curse both here and forraine , Where bags are fruitful'st , there the womb 's most barren , The poore ha's all our children , we their wealth ; Shall I be prodigall when my life cooles , Make those my heyres whome I haue beggar'd ; Fooles ? It would be wondrous ; rather beggar more , Thou shalt haue heyres enow , thou keep'st a whore , And here comes kindred too with no meane purses , Yet striue to be still blest with Clients curses . Musicke playing . Enter the other 3. Termes , the first bringing in a fellowe poore , which the other 2. aduanceth , giuing him rich Apparell , apage , and a pandar . Exit . Mi: What subtiltie haue we here ? a fellowe Shrugging for lifes kind benefits , shift and heate , Crept vp in 3. Termes , wrapt in silke and siluer , So well appointed too with Page and Pandar , It was a happy gale that blew him hether . 1. Thou father of the Termes haile to thee . 2. May much contention still keepe with thee . 3. Many new fooles come vp and fee thee . 2. Let e'm paye deere ynough that see thee . 1. And like Asses vse such men , When their load 's off , turne e'm to graze agen . 2. And may our wish haue full effect , Many a suite , and much neglect . 3. And as it hath beene often found , Let the Clients cups come round . 2. Helpe your poore kinsmen when you ha got e'm . You may drinke deepe , leaue vs the bottom ; 3. Or when there is a lambe falne in , Take you the lambe , leaue vs the skin . Mi: Your dutie and regard hath mou'd vs , Neuer till now wee thought you lou'd vs , Take comfort from our words , and make no doubt , You shall haue suites come sixteen times about . All . We humbly thanke the patron of our hopes . Exeunt . Mi: With what a vassaile — appetite they Gnawe , On our reuersions ; and are proud , Coldly to tast our meates , which eight returnes Serue in to vs as courses ; One day our writs like wilde-fowle flye abroad , And then returne or'e Cities , Townes , and Hills , With Clyents like dryed strawes betweene their bills ; And 't is no few birds picke to build their Neasts , Nor no small money that keeps Drabs and Feasts !

But Gentlemen , to spread my selfe open vnto you , in cheaper Termes I salute you , for ours haue but sixpenny fees all the yeare long , yet wee dispatch you in two howers , without demur ; your Suites hang not long here after Candles be lighted : Why we call this play by such a deere and chargeable Title , Michaelmas Tearme ? Knowe it consents happilye to our purpose , tho perhaps faintlie to the interpretation of many ; for he that expects any great quarrels in Lawe to bee handled here , will be fondly deceaued , this onely presents those familiar accidents , which happend in Towne in the circumference of those sixe weekes , whereof Michaelmas Terme is Lord : Sat sapienti , I hope there 's no fooles i' th house !

Exit . Enter at one dore Maister Rerrage , meeting Maister Salewood . Salewood :

What Master Rerrage ?

Rer:

Master Salewood ? Exceedingly well met in Towne , comes your Father vp this Terme ?

Sal.

Why he was here three dayes before the Exchequer gapte .

Rer.

Fye , such an earlie Termer ?

Sal.

Hee 's not to bee spoke withall , I dare not aske him blessing , till the last of Nouember .

Rer.

And how looks thy little venturing Coosen ?

Sal.

Faith like a Lute that ha's all the stringes broke , no bodie will meddle with her .

Rer.

Fye , there are Doctors enow in Towne will string her againe , and make her sound as sweete as ere shee did , is shee not married yet ?

Sal.

Sh' as no lucke , some may better steale a horse than others looke on . I haue knowen a virgin of fiue bastardes wedded , faith when all 's donne we must bee faine to marrie her into the North I 'me affrayd .

Rer:

But will shee passe so thinke you ?

Sal:

Puh , any thinge that is warme ynough is good ynough for them ; so it come in the likenes , tho the Deuill be in 't , the 'ile venture the fiering .

Rer:

They 're worthy spirits yfaith , heard you the Newes ?

Sal:

Not yet .

Rer:

Mistris Difficult is falne a widdowe .

Sal:

Say true , is Master Difficult the Lawyer dead ?

Rer:

Easilie dead sir .

Sal:

Pray when died hee ?

Rer:

What a question 's that ? when should a Lawyer dye but in the vacation , hee ha's no leisure to die in the Tearme-time , beside the Noyse there would fetch him againe .

Sal:

Knew you the nature of his disease .

Rer:

Faith some say he dyed of an old griefe he had , that the vacation was foureteene weekes long .

Sal:

And very likely . I knew 't would kill him at last , t 'as troubled him a long time , hee was one of those that would faine haue brought in the heresie of a fift Tearme , often crying with a loud voice , oh why should we loose Bartholmew weeke ?

Rer:

He sauours , stop your Nose , no more of him .

Enter master Cockstone , a Gentleman meeting master Easye of Essex . Cock:

Yong maister Easye , let me salute you sir , when came you ?

Easye :

I haue but Inn'd my horse since master Cockstone .

Cock: You seldome visit London master Easye , But now your Father s dead t is your onely course , Here 's gallants of all sizes , of all lasts , Here you may fit your foote , make choyse of those Whome your affection may reioyce in : Easye : You haue easily possest me I am free , Let those liue hindes that know not libertie . Cock:

Master Rerrage ?

Eas:

Good master Salewood , I am proud of your society .

Rer:

What gentleman might that bee ?

Cock: One master Esay , h 'as good land in Essex , a faire free-brested Gentleman , somewhat too open , bad in man , worse in woman , the Gentrye-fault at first , he is yet fresh and wants the Citie powdring , but what newes ? I' st yet a match twixt master Qomodoes the rich Drapers daughter and your selfe . Rer:

Faith sir , I am vildly riuald !

Cock:

Vildly ? by whome .

Rer:

One Andrewe Lethe crept to a little warmth , and now so proud that he forgets all stormes , one that nere wore apparell , but like ditches 't was cast before hee had it , now shines bright in rich embroderies , him master Quomodo affects , the daughter him , the mother onely mee , I rest most doubtfull , my side being wookest .

Cock:

Yet the mothers side being surer than the Fathers , it may proue , men pleade for money best , women for loue .

Rer:

Slid master Quomodo ?

Cock:

How then , affraid of a woollen draper .

Rer:

He warn'd mee his house , and I hate hee should see me abroad !

Quomodo with his two spirits , Shortyard and Falselight . Quo:

Oh my 2. spirits Shortyard and Falselight , you that haue so enricht me , I haue industrie for you both ?

Sho:

Then doe you please vs best sir .

Quo:

Wealthy employment .

Sho:

You make me icth sir .

Quo:

You Falselight as I haue directed you .

Fals:

I am nimble .

Quo:

Goe , make my course commodities , looke , seeke , with subtile art beguile the honest eye , be neere to my trapwindowe , cunning Falselight .

Fals:

I neuer failde it yet .

Exit Fals . Quo: I know thou didst not ; But now to thee my true and secret Shortyard , Whome I dare trust ee'n with my wife , Thou nere didst mistris harme , but master , good , There are too few of thy name Gentlemen , And that we feele , but Citizens abundance , I haue a taske for thee my pregnant spirit , To exercise thy poynted wits vppon . Sho. Giue it me , for I thirst . Quo: Thine care shall drinke it , Know then I haue not spent this long Vacation Onely for pleasures sake , giue me the man Who out of recreation culls aduantage , Diues into seasons , neuer walkes , but thinkes , Nerides , but plots , my iourney was toward Essex . Sho:

Most true ?

Quo:

Where I haue seene what I desire .

Sho:

A woman ?

Quo:

Puh ; a woman , yet beneath her , that which shee often treades on . Yet commands her land , fayre neate Land .

Sho:

What is the marke you shoote at .

Quo:

Why the fayrest to cleaue the heire in twayne , I meane his Title to murder his estate , stifle his right in some some detested prison , there are means and waies enow to hooke in Gentry , besides our deadlye enmitye which thus stands they 'r busye 'bout our wiues , We 'bout their Lands .

Sho: Your reuenge is more glorious , To be a cuckold is but for one life , When land remaines to you , your heire , or wife ! Quo:

Ah sirrah , doe we stinge 'm , this fresh gallant rode newly vp before me !

Sho:

I beseech his name .

Quo:

Yong master Easye .

Sho:

Easye ? It may fall right .

Quo:

I haue enquir'd his haunt , stay , ha , I that , 't is , that 's he , that s he !

Sho:

Happilie !

Quo:

Obserue , take surely note of him , hee 's fresh and free shift thy selfe speedily into the shape of gallantrye , I le swell thy purse with angels , keepe foote by foote with him , out-dare his expences , flatter , dice , and brothell to him , giue him a sweete tast of Sensuality , traine him to euery wastfull sin , that he may quickly neede health , but especially money , rauish him with a dame or twoo , bee his bawde for once , I le bee thine for euer , drinke drunke with him , creepe into bed to him , kisse him and vndoo him , my sweete spirit .

Sho:

Let your care dwell in me soone shall it shine , What subtiltie is in man , that is not mine .

( Exit . Quo:

O my most cherefull spirit , goe , dispatch , Gentrye is the cheife fish we Tradesmen catch .

( Exit . Easye :

What 's here ?

Sale:

Oh , they are bils for Chambers .

Eas:

Against Saint Andrewes , at a Painters house , ther 's a faire chamber ready furnisht to bee let , the house not onely endowed with a newe fashion forepart , but which is more conuenient for a Gentleman , with a very prouident backe-doore .

Sale:

Why here 's vertue still ; I like that thing that 's necessary , as well as pleasant .

Cock:

What newes in yonder paper .

Rerra:

Ha ? seeke you for newes , there 's for you !

Sale:

Whose t is ? in the name of the blacke Angels , Andro Gruill .

Rer:

No , Andro Lethe !

Sale:

Lethe ?

Rer:

Has forgot his fathers name , poore Walter Gruill that begot him , fed him , and brought him vp .

Sale:

Not hither .

Rer:

No ; 't was from his thoughts , hee brought him vp belowe .

Sale:

But do's he passe for Lethe .

Rer:

Mongst strange eyes that no more knowe him , then he knowes himselfe , that s nothing now , for master Andro Lethe , a gentleman of most receiued parts , forgetfulnes , Lust , Impudence , and Falshood , and one especiall Courtly quality ; to wit , no wit at all , I am his Riuall for Quomodoes daughter , but hee knowes it not .

Sale:

Has spyed vs ore his paper .

Rer:

Oh that s a warning to make our duties ready .

Cock:

Salute him , hang him .

Rer:

Puh , wish his health a while , hee le be laide shortly , let him gorge Venison for a time , our doctors will bring him to dry mutton ; seeme respectiue to make his pride swell like a Toade with dewe .

Sale:

Master Lethe !

Rer:

Sweete master Lethe .

Lathe :

Gentlemen your pardon , I remember you not .

Sale:

Why we supt with you last night sir !

Lethe : Oh cry you mercy , 't is so long agoe , I had quite forgot you , I must be forgiuen , Acquaintaince , deere societie , suites and things , Do so flowe to mee ; that had I not the better memorie ! T would be a wonder I should know my selfe , Esteeme is made of such a dizzy mettall ; I haue receiu'd of many gifts ore night Whome I haue forgot ere morning , meeting the men , I wisht em to remember me agen , They doo so : then if I forget agen , I know what helpt before , that will helpe then , This is my course , for memorie I haue been told Twentie preserues , the best I find is gold ; Ey truely ! are you not knights yet , Gentlemen . Sale:

Not yet !

Leth: No , that must bee lookt into , t is your owne sault , I haue some store of Venison , where shall we deuoure it , Gentlemen ? Sale: The horne were a fit place . Leth: For Venison , fit , The horne hauing chast it , At the horne — wee le Rime to that . — Cock:

Tast it .

Sale:

Wast it .

Rer:

Cast it .

Leth: That s the true rime indeed , wee hunt our Venison twice I tell you , first out a' th parke , next out a' th Bellie . Cock: First dogs take paines to make it fit for men , Then men take payne to make it fit for dogs . Leth: Right . Cock: Why this is kindnes , a kind Gallant , you , And loue to giue the dogs more than their due , We shall attend you sir . Leth:

I pray doo so .

Sale:

The horne .

Leth:

Easily remembred that you know !

Exeunt .

But now vnto my present busines , the Daughter yeildes , and Quomodo consents , onely my mistris Quomodo , her mother without regard runs full against mee , and sticks hard ! Is there no law for a woman that will run vpon a man at her owne apperill . Why should not shee consent , knowing my state , my sudaine fortunes , I can command a custerd , and other bakemeats , death of sturgeon , I could keepe house with nothing , what friends haue I ? how well am I beloued , ee'n quite throughout the scullery , not consent ? t is ee'n as I haue writ , I le be hang'd , and shee loue mee not herselfe & wold rather preserue me , as a priuate friend to her own pleasures , than any way aduance her daughter vpon me to beguile herselfe , then how haue I relieued her in that poynt , let me peruse this letter . Good mistris Quomodo , or rather as I hope ere the Terme end , mother Quomodo , since only your consent keeps a loofe off and hinders the copulation of your daughter , what may I thinke , but that it is a meere affection in you , doating vppon some small inferiour vertue of mine , to draw me in vpon your self , if the case stand so , I haue comfort for you : for this you may well assure your selfe , that by the marriage of your daughter I haue the better meanes and opportunity to your selfe , and without the least suspition . This is moouing stuffe , and that workes best with a Citizens wife , but who shall I get to conuey this now : my Page I ha sent forth , my Pandar I haue imployd about the country , to looke out some third sister , or entice some discontented Gentlewoman from her husband , whome the laying out of my appetite shall maintaine , nay I le deale like an honourable Gentleman , I le bee kinde to women , that which I gather i' th day , I le put into their purses at night , you shall haue no cause to raile at me , no faith , I le keepe you in good fashion Ladyes , no meaner men then knights shall ransome home your gownes , and recouer your smocks , I le not dallye with you — some poore widdow woman would come as a necessary bawd now : and see where fitly comes — my mother ! curse off pouerty do's shee come vp to shame me , to betray my birth , and cast soyle vpon my new Suite , let her passe me , I le take no notice of her , Scuruye — murrey — Carsey !

Moth:

By your leaue and like your worship .

Leth:

Then I must proudly venture it ; to me good woman .

Moth:

I beseech one word with your worship .

Leth:

Prethe be breife then .

Moth:

Pray can your worship tell me any tydings of one Andro Gruill , a poore sonne of mine owne .

Leth:

I know a gallant Gentleman of the name , one master Andro Gruill and well receiude amongst Ladyes .

Moth:

That not he then !

Hee is no Gentleman that I meane .

Leth:

Good woman if he be a Gruill , hee 's a Gentleman i' th mornings : that s a Gentleman a' th first , you canot tel me

Moth:

No truely , his father was an honest vpright Tooth-drawer .

Leth:

O my teeth .

Moth:

An 't please your worship , I haue made a fore iourney out , all this vacant time , to come vp and see my sonne Andro , poore Walter Gruill his Father has layd his life , and left mee alone woman , I haue not one husband in all the world , therefore my comming vp is for reliefe an 't like your worship , hoping that my sonne Andro is in some place about the Kitchin .

Leth:

Kitchin , puh , fah .

Mo:

Or a seruingman to some Kinght of worship .

Leth:

Oh let mee not indure her ! Knowe you not mee good woman ?

Mo:

Alasse , an 't please your worship , I neuer sawe such a glorious suite since the hower I was kersend .

Leth: Good , shee knowes me not , my glory do's disquite mee , Beside my poorer name being drencht in Lethe , Shee le hardly vnderstand me , what a fresh ayre can doo ! I may employ her as a priuate drudge , To passe my letters and secure my lust , And nere be noted mine , to shame my blood , And drop my stayning birth vppon my raiment , faith good woman you will hardly get to the speech of master Andro , I tell you . Mo:

No ?

Marry hang him , and like your Worship , I haue knowen the day when no body carde to speake to him !

Leth:

You must take heed how you speak ill of him now I cantell you ; hee 's so employde .

Mo:

Imployde for what ?

Leth:

For his behauiour , wisdome , and other vertues .

Mo:

His vertues ? no t is well knowen , his father was too poore a man to bring him vp to any vertues ; hee can scarce write and reade .

Leth:

Hee 's the better regarded for that amongst Courtiers , for that s but a needy qualitie !

Mo:

If it be so , then hee le be great shortly , for he has no good parts about him .

Leth.

Well good woman , or mother , or what you will .

Mo:

Alack the day , I know your worship scornes to cal me mother : t is not a thing fit for your worship indeede , such a simple old woman as I am .

Leth:

In pitty of thy long iourney , there 's six-pence British : tend vpon me , I haue busines for you .

Mo:

I le waite vpon your Worship .

Leth:

Two pole off at least .

Mo:

I am a cleane ould woman , an 't like your Worship .

Leth:

It goes not by cleannes here good woman , if you were fowler , so you were brauer , you might come neerer .

Mo:

Nay and that be the fashion , I hope I shall ( Exit . get it shortly , there 's no woman so ould but she may learne ; and as an old Lady delights in a young Page or monckey , so there are young Courtiers will be hungry vpon an old woman , I warrant you .

Exit . Enter Lethes Pandar with a Country wench . Pand:

Come , leaue your puling and sighing .

Count :

Beshrew you now , why did you entice me from my father

Pand:

Why ? to thy better aduancement , wouldst thou a pretty beautifull — Iuicy squall , liue in a poore thrumbd house i' th cuntry in such seruile — habiliments , and may well passe for a gentlewoman i' th Citie , do's not 5 hundred do so thinkst thou , and with worse faces , oh , now in these latter dayes , the Deuill raygning t is an age for clouen creatures ? but why sad now ? yet indeed t is the fashion of any Curtizan to be sea-sicke i' th first Voyage , but at next shee proclaimes open wars , like a beaten souldier : why Northampton-shire Lasse do'st dreame of virginity now ? remember a loose-bodied Gowne wench , & let it goe , wires , & tyres , bents and bums , felts and falls , thou that shalt deceiue the world , that Gentlewomen indeed shall not be knowen from others ; I haue a master to whome I must prefer thee , after the aforesayd decking , Lethe by name , a man of one most admired property , he can both loue thee and for thy better aduancement be thy Pandar himselfe , an exlent sparke of humility .

Count :

Well heauen forgiue you , you traine me vp too 't .

Pand:

Why I doe acknowledge it , and I thinke I doe you a pleasure in 't .

Count :

And if I should proue a harlot now , I should be bound to curse you .

Pand:

Bound ? nay and you proue a harlot , you le be loose ynough .

Count :

If I had not a desire to goe like a gentlewoman , you should be hangd , ere you should get me too 't I warrant you .

Pand:

Nay that s certain , nor a 1000. more of you , I know , you are all chast ynough , till one thing or other tempt you ! deny a Sattin gowne and you dare now ?

Count :

You knowe I haue no power to doo 't , and that makes you so wilfull : for what woman is there such a beast that will deny any thing that is good .

Pand:

True they will not , most dissembler .

Count :

No , and shee beare a braue mind shee will not I warrant you .

Pand: Why , therfore take heart , faint not at all , Women nere rise , but when they fall , Let a man breake , hee 's gone , blowen vp , A womans breaking sets her vp , Virginitie is no Citie — Trade , You 're out a' th Freedome , when you 're a mayde , Downe with the lattis t is but thin , Let courser beauties worke within : Whome the light mocks , thou art faire and fresh , The guilded flies , will light vpon thy flesh . Count : Beshrew your sweet enchantments , you have wun . Pan: How easily soft women are vndone : So farewell holesome weeds where treasure pants , And welcome silkes , where lyes disease and wants : Come wench , now flow thy Fortunes in to blesse thee , I le bring thee where thou shalt be taught to dresse thee ! Count :

Oh as soone as may be , I am in a swone till I bee a gentlewoman , and you know what flesh is mans meate , tell it be drest .

Pan:

Most certain , no more a woman .

Exeunt .

Actus Secundus . Enter Rerrage , Salewood , Lethe , Easye , with Shortyard alias Blastfield , at dice . Rer:

Gentlemen I ha sworne I le change the roome : dice ?

Leth:

You see I 'me patient gentlemen !

Sale:

I , the feinds in 't , you 're patient , you put vp all . Deuils .

Rer.

Come set me gentlemen !

Sho:

An Essex gentleman sir .

Eas.

An vnfortunate one sir .

Sho:

Indeed sir .

Eas:

Hee s second to my bosome .

Sho:

I le giue you that comfort then sir , you must not want money as long as you are in towne sir .

Eas:

No sir ?

Sho:

I am bound in my loue to him to see you furnisht , and in that comfort I recouer my salute agen sir .

Eas:

Then I desire to be more deere vnto you .

Sho:

I rather study to be deare vnto you — boy , fill some wine . — I knew not what faire impressier I receiud , at first , but I began to affect your societie very speedily .

Eas:

I count my selfe the happier .

Sho:

To master Alsup sir , to whose remembrance , I could loue to drinke till I were past remembrance .

Eas.

I shall keepe Christmasse with him sit , where your health shall likewise vndoubtedly be remembred , and therevpon I pledge you : — I would sue for your name sir .

Sho.

Your suite shall end in one Tearme sir : my name is Blastfield .

Eas.

Kind maister Blastfield , your deerer acquaintance .

Rer.

Nay come , will ye draw in Gentlemen ? set me :

Eas.

Faith I 'me scatterd .

Sho.

Sir , you shall not giue out so meanely of your selfe in my companie for a Million : make Such priuie to your disgrace ? you 'r a Gentleman of faire fortunes ; keep me your reputation ; set 'em all , there 's crownes fo you .

Eas.

Sir you binde me infinitely in these courtesies .

Sho.

You must alwayes haue a care of your Reputation here in Town maister Easie , altho you ride downe with nothing , it skils not .

Eas.

I 'me glad you tell me that yet , then I 'me indifferent . Well , come : who throwes ? I set all these .

Sho.

Why , well said .

Sale .

This same maister Lethe here begins to vndo vs agen .

Leth.

Ah sir , I came not hither but to win .

Sho.

And then you 'le leaue vs , that s your fashion .

Leth.

Hee 's base that visits not his friends :

Sho. But hee 's more base that carries out his winnings . None will doe so but those haue base beginnings Leth.

It is a thing in vse and euer was , I passe this time .

Sho.

I wonder you should passe . And that you 're sufferd .

Leth. Tut , the Dice are ours , Then wonder not at those that haue most powrs . Rer.

The Diuell and his Angels .

Leth.

Are these they ? Welcome deere Angels , where y' are curst nere stay .

Sal.

Heere 's lucke .

Eas.

Let s search him Gentlemen , I think he wears a smock :

Sho.

I knew the time , he wore not halfe a shirt , iust like a Pee .

Eas.

No , how did he for the Rest ?

Sho.

Faith he compounded with a couple of Napkins at Barnet , and so truss vp the lower parts .

Eas.

T was a prettie shift yfaith .

Sho.

But maister Lethe ha's forgot that too .

Eas.

A mischiefe on 't to loose all : I could —

Sho.

Nay but good Ma Easie , do not do your self that tirannie I beseech you , I must not ha you alter your body now for the Purge of a little money : you vndoe me and you doe .

Eas.

T was al I brought vp with me , I protest master Blastfield , all my rent till next quarter .

Sho.

Pox of money , talke not on 't I beseech you , what said I to you ? Masse I am out of cash my selfe too , — Boy .

Boy .

Anon sir .

Sho.

Run presently to master Gum the Mercer , and wil him to tell out two or three hundred pound for mee , or more according as he is furnisht : I le visit him i th morning say .

Boy .

It shall be said sir .

Sho.

Doe you heare boy ?

Boy .

Yes sir .

Sho.

If master Gum bee not sufficiently readie , call vppon master Profit the Goldsmith .

Boy .

It shall be done sir .

Sho.

Boy .

I know I was not sent yet now is the time .

Sho.

Let them both rest till another occasion : you shall not need to run so farre at this time , take one nier hand go to Ma. Quomodo the Draper , and will him to furnish mee instantly .

Boy .

Now I goe sir .

Eas.

It seemes y' are wel knowne master Blastfield , and your credite verie spacious here i th Citie .

Sho.

Master Easie , let a man beare himselfe portly , the whorsons will creepe to him a' th their bellies , and their wiues a' th their backs : ther 's a kinde of bolde grace expected throughout all the parts of a Gentleman : then for your obseruances , a man must not so much as spit but within line and fashion . I tell you what I ha done : somtimes I carrie my water all London ouer , onely to deliuer it proudly at the Standard , and do I passe altogether vnnoted thinke you ? No , a man can no sooner peep out his head , but ther 's a bow bent at him out of some watch tower , or other .

Eas.

So readily sir .

Sho.

Push , you know a bowe 's quickely readie , tho a Gun belong a charging , and will shoote fiue times to his once , Come , you shall beare your selfe Iouially : take heede of setting your lookes to your losses , but rather smile vppon your ill lucke , and inuite 'em to morrow to another breakefast of Bones .

Eas.

Nay i le forsweare dicing .

Sho.

What ? peace ? I am ashamed to heare you : will you ceasse in the first losse , shewe mee one Gentleman that ere did it ? Fie vppon 't I must vse you to companie I perceyue , you de be spoilde else : forsweare Dice ? I would your friends heard you yfaith .

Eas.

Nay I was but in iest sir .

Sho.

I hope so , what woulde Gentlemen say of you ? there goes a Gull that keepes his money , I would not haue such a report goe on you , for the Worlde as long as you are in my companie . Why man fortune alters in a Minute , I ha knowne those haue recouered so much in an houre , their purses were neuer sicke after .

Rer.

Oh worse then consumption of the Liuer ! consumption of the patrimonie .

Sho.

How now ? marke their humours master Easie .

Rer.

Forgiue me , my posteritie , yet vngotten .

Sho.

That s a penitent Maudlen Dicer .

Rer.

Few knowe the sweets that the plaine life allowes . Vilde sonne that surfets of his fathers browes .

Sho.

Laugh at him master Easie .

Eas.

Ha , ha ha .

Sal.

I le bee damn'd and these bee not the bones of some queane that couzened me in her life , and now consumes mee after her death .

Sho.

That s the true-wicked-blasphemous , and soul-shuddering Dicer , that will curse you all seruice time , & attribute his ill lucke alwayes to one Drab or other .

Leth.

Dick , Hell-gill : the hapie Newes .

Hel. I haue her for you sir . Leth.

Peace , what is she ?

Helg.

Yong , beautifull and plump . — a delicate peece of sin .

Leth.

Of what parentage ?

Helg.

Oh a Gentlewoman of a great house .

Leh.

Fie , fie .

Helg.

Shee newly came out of a Barne ; yet too good for a Tooth-drawers sonne .

Leth.

Is she wife or maide ?

Helg.

That which is dantiest , Maide

Leth.

I de rather shee 'd beene a wife .

Helg.

A wife sir , why ?

Leth.

Oh Adulterie is a great deale sweeter in my minde .

Helg.

Diseases gnaw thy bones . I thinke she has deserud to be a wife sir .

Leth.

That will moue well .

Helg.

Her firstlinge shall be mine . Swine looke but for the huskes , the meate be thine .

Sho:

How now Boy ?

Boy .

Maister Quomodo takes your worships greeting exceeding kindely , and in his commendations returnes this answere , that your worship shall not be so apt to receiue it , as hee willing to lend it .

Sho.

Why , we thanke him yfaith .

Eas.

Troth , and you ha reason to thanke him sir , t' was a verie friendly answere .

Sh.

Push , a Gentleman that keeps his daies euen here i th City ( as I my selfe watch to doe ) shall haue many of those answeres in a tweluemonth , maister Easie .

Eas.

I promise you sir I admire your carriage , and begin to hold a mor reu'rend respect of you .

Sho.

Not so I beseech you , I giue my friends leaue to bee inward with me , — will you walke Gentlemen ?

Leth.

Wee 're for you . Present her with this Iewell my first token .

Enter a Drawer . Draw .

There are certaine Country-men without enquiring for maister Rerage , and maister Salewood .

Rer.

Tennants !

Salew.

Thou reuiu'st vs Rascall .

Rer.

When 's our next meeting Gentlemen ?

Shor.

To morrow night , This Gentleman , by me inuites you all , Do you not Maister Easie ?

Easie .

Freely sir .

Salew.

We doe imbrace your loue — a pure fresh Gull

Short .

Thus make you men at parting duetifull , And rest beholding to you , t is the slight To be remembred , when you 'r out of sight .

Easi.

A prettie vertue .

Exeunt . Enter the Countrie-Wenches Father , that was entisc'd for Leth : Father .

Where shall I seeke her now ? — oh if she knew The Dangers that attend on womens liues , She would rather lodge vnder a poore thatcht Roofe Then vnder carued seelings : she was my ioy , And all content that I receiu'd from life , My deere and onely Daughter : What saies the Note she left , let mee agen With stayeder greefe peruse it — Father ? wonder not at my so suddaine departure , without your leaue or knowledge , thus vnder pardon I excuse it , had you had knowledge of it , I know you would haue sought to restraine it , and hinder me from what I haue long desirde , being now happilye preferr'd to a Gentlemans seruice in London ; about Holborne , if you please to send , you may heare well of me —

As false as she is disobedient , i u'e made larger inquirie , left no place ( Where Gentrie keepes ) vnsought , yet cannot heare , Which driues me moste into a shamefull feare : Woe worth th' infected cause that makes me visit This man-deuouring Cittie — where I spent My vnshapen youth , to be my ages cursse , And surfetted away my name and state , In swinish Riots , that now being sober , I doe awake , a Begger , — I may hate her . Whose youth voides wine , his age is curst with water , Oh heauens ! I know the price of ill , too well , What , the confusions are in whome they dwell , And how soone Maides are to their Ruins won One minute , and aeternally vndone : So in mine may it : may it not be thus ? — Though she be poore , her honours preceous , May be my present forme , and her fond feare , May chace her from me , if her eye should get me , And therefore as my loue and wants aduise . I le serue vntill I finde her in disguise . Such is my care to fright her from base euils I leaue calme state to liue amongst you , deuils . Exit Lethes Mother enters with Quomodoes wife with the Letter . Toma.

Were these fit wordes thinke you to be sent to anye Cittizens wife , to enioy the Daughter , and loue the mother too for a neede ? I would foulye scorne that man , that should loue me onely for a neede I tell you : and heere the Knaue writes agen , that by the mariage of my Daughter , a has the better meanes and opportunitie to my selfe , hee lies in his Throate like a villaine , he has no opportunitie of mee , for all that , t is for his betters to haue opportunitie of me , and that he shall well knowe — a base proud knaue — a has forgot how he came vp , & brought two of his countrie men to giue their words to my husband for a sute of greene Karsey , a has forgot all this , and how does hee appeare to me , when his white Sattin suttes on , but like a Magot crept out of a Nut-shell , a faire bodie and a foule necke , those partes that are couered of him , lookes indifferent well , because we cannot see e'm else for all his clensing , pruning and paring , hee 's not worthy a Brokers Daughter , and so tell him .

Gri.

I will indeede forsooth .

Toma.

And as for my Childe , I hope shee le bee ruld in Time , though she be folish yet & not be carryed away with a cast of Manchets , a Bottle of wine , or a Custard , and so I pray certifie him .

Grui.

He doe your errant effectually .

Toma.

Art thou his Ant — or his —

Gri.

Alasse — I am a poore drudge of his .

Toma.

Faith and thou wert his Mother , he would make thee his drudge I warrant him .

Gri.

Marrie out vppon him , sir reuerence of your mistris-ship

Tom.

Heer 's somewhat for thy paines , fare thee well .

Gri.

T is more then he gaue me since I came to him .

Enter Quomodo and his Daughter Su. Quo.

How now , what prating haue we heare ? whispers , dumshowes ? why Tomazin , goo too — my shop is not altogether so darke as some of my neighbours , where a man may be made Cuckold at one ende , while hee 's measuring with his yard at tother .

Toma.

Onely commendations sent from Maister Lethe your worshipfull Sonne in law that should be .

Quo

Oh , & that you like not he that can make vs rich in custom , strong in friends , happy in suites , bring vs into all the romes a sundaies , from the leads to the seller , pop vs in with Venison til wee cracke agen , & send home the rest in an honorable Napkin — this man you like not forsooth ?

Su.

But I like him father .

Qu.

My blessing goe with thy liking

Su.

A number of our Cittizens hold our credit by 't to come home drunk , and say wee ha beene at Court : then how much more credit i' st to be drunke there indeede ?

Quo.

Tut , thy Mother s a foole — pray what 's Maister Rerage whom you pleade for so ?

Toma.

Why , first he is a Gentleman .

Quo.

I , hee 's often first a Gentleman that 's last a begger .

Su.

My father tels you true , what should I do with a gentleman , I knowe not which way to lye with him .

Quo.

T is true too — thou knowst beside , we vndoe Gentlemen dayly

Toma.

That makes so few of e'm marrie with our Daughters , vnles it be one green foote or other : next , M. Rerage has land & liuing , tother but his walke i' th street , & his snatching dyet , hee 's able to entertaine you in a faire house of his owne , tother in some nooke or corner , or place vs behind the cloath like a company of Puppets : at his house you shall bee seru'd curiously , sit downe & eate your meate with leasure , there we must be glad to take it standing , & without either salt , cloath , or trencher , and say we are befriended too .

Quo.

Oh , that giues a Citizen a better appetite then his Garden .

Su.

So say I Father , me thinkes it does me most good when I take it standing , I know not how all womens mindes are :

Enter Falslight . Quo.

Faith I thinke they are al of thy minde for that thing , how now Falslight ?

Falsl.

I haue descri'd my fellow Short-yard , alias Blastfield , at hand with the Gentleman .

Quo.

Oh my sweete Short-yard ! — Daughter , get you vp to your Virginalls : by your leaue Mistris Quomodo .

Tom.

Why I hope I may sit i th shop , may I not ?

Quom.

That you may , and welcome sweete hony-thye , but not at this season , there 's a Buck to be strucke .

Toma.

Well , since i 'me so expresly forbidden , i le watch aboue i th gallerie , but i le see your knauerie .

Exit . Quom.

Be you preparde as I tell you .

Falsl.

You neare feard me :

Exit . Quom.

Oh that sweete , neate , comely , proper , delicate parcell of land , like a fine Gentlewoman i th waste : not so great as prettie , prettie : the Trees in Summer whistling , the siluer waters by the Bankes harmoniouslye gliding , I should haue beene a Scholler , an excellent place for a student : fit for my Sonne that lately commenc'd at Cambridge , whom now I haue plac'd at Innes of Court : Thus wee that sildome get Landes honestly , must leaue our heires to inherit our knauerie : but whist , one turne about my shoppe and meete with e'm .

Enter Maister Easie , with Short-yard , alias Blastfield . Easi.

Is this it sir ?

Short .

I , let me see , this is it : signe of three Knaues , t is it !

Quom.

Doe you heare sir , what lacke you Gentlemen ? see good Kersies or broad cloathes heere , I pray come neere — Maister Blastfield ?

Short .

I thought you would know me anon .

Quom.

You 'r exceeding welcome to Towne sir , your worship must pardon me , t is alwaies mistie weather in our shops heere : we are a Nation the Sunne here shines vpon , — Came this Gentleman with you ?

Short .

O salute him fairely , hee 's a kinde Gentleman , a verie in ward of mine .

Quo.

Then I crye you mercy sir , y' are especially welcome .

Easi.

I returne you thankes sir .

Quo.

But how shall I doe for you now Maister Blastfield ?

Short .

Why what s the matter ?

Quo.

It is my greatest affliction at this instant , I am not able to furnish you .

Short .

How maister Quomodo , pray say not so , sl'ud you vndoe me then .

Quo.

Vpon my Religion Maister Blastfield , bonds lye forfeete in my hands , I expect the receite of a thousand euerie houre , and cannot yet set eye of a penny .

Short .

That 's strange me thinkes .

Quo.

T is mine owne pittie that plots against me Maister Blastfield , they knowe I haue no conscience to take the for feture , and that makes em so bould with my mercie .

Easi.

I am sorry for this .

Quo.

Neuer the lesse , if I might intreate your delay but the age of three daies to expresse my sorrow now , I would double the summe , and supply you with foure or fiue hundred .

Short .

Let me see , — three daies .

Quo.

I good sir , and it may be possible .

Easi.

Doe you heare Maister Blastfield ,

Short .

Ha ?

Easi.

You knowe i 'ue alreadie enuited all the Gallants to sup with me to night .

Short .

That 's true yfaith .

Easi.

T will be my euerlasting shame , if I haue no monye to maintaine my bountie .

Short .

I nere thought vpon that — I look't still when that should come from him , wee haue strickly examined our expences , it must not be three daies Maister Quomodo .

Quo.

No then i 'me afraide t will be my griefe sir .

Easi.

Maister Blastfield , i le tell you what you may doe now .

Sho.

What good sweete bedfellow .

Eas.

Send to Master Goome , or Master Profit , the Mercer and Goldsmith .

Sho.

Masse that was well remembred of thee — I perceyue the Trout will bee a little troublesome ere hee bee catcht — Boy . Boy . Here sir .

Sho.

Runne to Master Goome , or Master Profite , and carrie my present occasion of money to em .

Boy .

I runne sir .

Quo.

Me thinks Maister Blastfield , you might easily attaine to the satisfaction of 3. dayes , heer 's a Gentleman your friend I dare say will see you sufficiently possest till then .

Eas.

Not I sir , by no meanes : master Blastfield knowes I 'me further in want then himselfe , my hope rests all vpon him , it stands vpon the losse of my credit to Night , if I walke without money .

Sho.

Why maister Quomodo , what a fruitlesse Motion haue you put forth , you might well assure your selfe this gentleman had it not if I wanted it : why our purses are brothers we desire but equall fortunes : in a word w' are man and wife , they can but lie together , and so doe we .

Eas.

As nere as can be yfaith .

Sho.

And to say truth , t is more for the continuing of this Gentlemans credit in Towne then any incitement from mine owne want only , that I couet to be so immediatly furnishd — you shall heare him confesse as much himselfe .

Eas.

T is most certaine master Quomodo .

Enter Boy . Sho.

Oh here comes the Boy now : How now Boy , what sayes maister Goome , or master Profit ?

Boy .

Sir , thei 'r both walke foorth this frostie morning to Brainford , to see a Nurse-childe .

Sho.

A Bastard be it , spite and shame .

Eas.

Nay , neuer vex your selfe sweet master Blastfield .

Sho.

Bewitcht I thinke .

Quo.

Doe you heare sir ? you can perswade with him .

Eas.

A little sir .

Quo.

Rather then he should be altogither destitute , or be too much a vexation to himselfe , he shall take vp a commoditie of cloath of me tell him .

Eas.

Why la ! by my troth t' was kindly spoken .

Quo.

Two hundred pounds worth vpon my Religion say .

Sho.

So disastrously .

Eas.

Nay , maister Blastfield , you doe not heare what master Quomodo said since , like an honest true Citizen yfaith : rather then you should grow diseasde vpon 't , you shall take vp a commoditie of two hundred pounds worth of cloath .

Sho.

The mealie Moth consume it , would hee hame turne Pedler now ? what should I doe with cloath ?

Quo.

Hee 's a verie wilfull Gentleman at this Time yfaith : he knowes as well what to doe with it , as I my selfe Iwis : ther 's no Merchant in Town but will be greedy vpon 't , and pay downe mony vpo' th naile , the 'l dispatch it ouer to Middle-borrow presently , and raise double commoditie by exchange , if not , you know t is Tearme-time , and Michaelmas Tearm too , the Drapers haruest , for footcloaths , riding suts , walking suits , chamber gownes , and hall gownes .

Eas.

Nay , I le say that , it comes in as fit a time as can be .

Quo.

Nay take me with you agen ere you go sir , I offer him no trash tell him , but present mony , say , where I know some Gentlemen in towne ha beene glad , and are glad at this time , to take vp commodities in Hawks hoods , and browne paper .

Eas.

Oh horrible , are there such fooles in towne ?

Quo.

I offer him no trash tell him , vpon my Religion you may say , — Now my sweet Shortyard , — now the hungry fish begins to nibble : one end of the worme is in his mouth yfaith .

Tomazin aboue . Tom. Why stand I here ( as late our gracelesse Dames That found no eyes ) to see that Gentleman Aliue in state and credit executed Helpe to rip vp himselfe do's all he can , Why am I wife to him that is no man ? I suffer in that Gentlemans confusion . Eas.

Nay be perswaded in that master Blastfield t is readie money at , the Marchants beside , the Winterseason and all falls in as pat as can be to helpe it .

Short .

Well Maister Easie , none but you could haue perswaded me to that , come , would you would dispatch then Maister Quomodo , where 's this cloath ?

Quo.

Full and whole within , all of this peece of my Religion Maister Blastfield , feel 't , nay feel 't and spare not , Gentlemen ! your fingers and your iudgement .

Short .

Clothe's good .

Easi.

By my troth exceeding good cloath , a good wale t 'as ,

Quo.

Falslight .

Falsl.

I 'me neere out ' athe shop sir .

Quo.

Go , call in a Porter presently to carrie away the cloath with the Starre marke , whither will you please to haue it carryed Maister Blastfield ?

Short .

Faith to Maister Beggar-land , hee 's the onely Marchant now : or his Brother Maister Stilliard-downe , there 's little difference .

Quo.

Y 'aue hapned vpon the money men sir , they and some of their Bretheren I can tell you , will not sticke to offer thirtie thousand pound to be curst still , great monyed men , their stockes lye in the Poores throates : but you le see me sufficiently discharg'd Maister Blastfield ere you depart .

Short .

You haue alwaies found me righteous in that .

Quo.

Falslight .

Falsl.

Sir .

Quo.

You may bring a Scriuener along with you .

Falsl.

I le remember that sir .

Quo.

Haue you sent for a Citizen Maister Blastfield .

Short .

No faith not yet — Boy !

Easi.

What must you doe with a Citizen sir ?

Short .

A custome they 're bound to alate by the default of euill debters , no Citizen must lend money without two bee bound in the bond , the second Man enters but for custome sake .

Easi.

No , and must hee needes be a Citizen ?

Short .

By th masse stay , i le learne that Maister Quomodo !

Quo.

Sir .

Short .

Must the second partie that enters into bond onely for fashions sake needs be a Citizen ? what say you to this Gentleman for one ?

Quomo.

A lasse sir , you know hee 's a meere stranger to me , I neither am sure of his going or abiding , hee may Inne heere to Night , and ride away to morrow , ( although I graunt the chiefe burden lyes vpon you ) yet wee are bound to make choice of those we know sir .

Short .

Why hee 's a Gentleman of a prettie liuing sir .

Quo.

It may be so : yet vnder both your pardons I 'de rather haue a Citizen .

Easie .

I hope you wil not disparadge me so ? t is wel known I haue three hundred pound a yeare in Essex ,

Short .

Well saide , to him thy selfe , take him vp roundly .

Easie .

And how doubtfullie so ere you account of me , I doe not thinke but I might make my bond passe for a hundred pound 'i th Citie .

Quo.

What alone sir ?

Easi.

Alone sir : who saies so ? perhaps i de send downe for a Tennant or too .

Quo.

I , that 's another case sir .

Easie .

Another case let it be then .

Quo.

Nay , grow not into anger sir .

Easie .

Not take me into a Bond , as good as you shall good man Goose-cap .

Quo.

Wel Maister Blastfield , because I wil not disgrace the Gentleman , i 'me content for once , but we must not make a practise on 't .

Easi.

No sir , now you would you shall not .

Quo.

Cuds me , i 'me vndone , hee 's gone agen .

Short .

The Netts broke .

Toma.

Hold there deere Gentleman .

Easie .

Deny me that small curtizie ? s'foot a very Iew will not deny it me .

Short .

Now must I catch him warily .

Easie .

A iest indeede , not take me into a Bond quo they .

Short .

Maister Easie — Marke my words , if it stood not vppon the eternall losse of thy credit against Supper —

Easie .

Masse that 's true .

Short .

The pawning of thy horse for his owne Vittailes .

Eas.

Right yfaith .

Sho.

And thy vtter dissolution amongest Gentlemen for euer .

Eas.

Pox on 't .

Sho.

Quomodo should hang , rot , stinke .

Quo.

Sweete boy yfaith .

Sho.

Drop Dam .

Quo.

Excellent Shortyard .

Eas.

I forgot all this : what meant I to swagger before I had money in my purse ? how do's maister Quomodo ? is the Bond readie ?

Quo.

Oh sir .

Enter Dustbox the Scriuener . Eas.

Come we must be friends , heer 's my hand .

Quo.

Giue it the Scriuener : here he comes .

Dust.

Good day Maister Quomodo , good morrow Gentlemen .

Quo.

We must require a little ayde from your pen , good master Dustbox .

Dust.

What be the Gentlemens names that are bound sir ?

Quo.

Master Iohn Blastfield Esquire i th wilde of Kent , and what doe they call your bed fellowes name ?

Sho.

Maister Richard Easie : you may easily hit on 't .

Quo.

Master Richard Easie of Essex Gentleman , both bound to Ephestian Quomodo Citizen and Draper of London : the summe two hundred pound . What Time doe you take master Blastfield for the payment ?

Sho.

I neuer passe my Month you know .

Quo.

I know it sir . October sixteenth to day , sixteenth of Nouember say .

Eas.

Is it your custome to returne so soone sir ?

Sho.

I neuer misse you .

Enter Falslight like a Porter , sweating . Fals.

I am come for the rest of the same price master Quomodo .

Quo.

Star-marke , this is it , are all the rest gone ?

Fal.

Thei 'r all at Master Stilyard downes by this time .

Eas.

How the poore raskall 's all in a froth ?

Sho.

Push , their ordaind to sweate for Gentlemen , — Porters backes and womens bellies beare vp the world .

Eas.

T is true yfaith , they beare men and money , and that 's the world .

Sho.

Ye 'aue found it sir .

Dust.

I 'me readie to your hands Gentlemen .

Sho.

Come Master Easie .

Eas.

I beseech you sir .

Sho.

It shall be yours I say .

Eas.

Nay pray master Blastfield .

Sho.

I will not yfaith .

Eas.

What doe you meane sir ?

Sho.

I should shew little bringing vp , to take the way of a stranger .

Eas.

By my troth you doe your selfe wrong tho maister Blastfield .

Sho.

Not a whit sir .

Eas.

But to auoid strife , you shall haue your will of mee for once .

Sho.

Let it be so I pray .

Quo.

Now I begin to set one foote vppon the lande , mee thinkes I am felling of Trees alreadie , wee shall haue some Essex Loggs yet to keepe Christmasse with , and that 's a comfort .

Toma. Now is he quarting out the Executioner . Strides ouer him : with his owne blood he writes : I am no Dame that can endure such sights . Exit . Sho. So his right wing is cut , will not flie farre Past the two Cittie hazards , Poultrie , and Woodstreete . Eas.

How like you my Roman hand yfaith ?

Dust.

Exceeding well sir , but that you rest too much vpon your R. and make your ease too little .

Eas.

I le mend that presently .

Dust.

Nay t is done now , past mending : you both deliuer this to maister Quomodo as your deede ?

Sho.

We doe sir .

Quo.

I thanke you Gentlemen ,

Sho.

Would the Coyne would come away now , we haue deseru'd for 't

Enter Falslight with the cloath . Falsl.

By your leaue a little Gentlemen .

Sho.

How now ? what 's the matter ? speake ?

Falsl.

As fast as I can sir — All the cloathes come backe agen .

Quo.

How ?

Sho.

What 's the newes ?

Falsl.

The passage to Middle borrow is stopt , and therefore neither Maister Stilliard-downe , nor Maister Beggerland , nor any other Merchant wil deliuer present money vppon 't .

Quo.

Why what hard lucke haue you Gentlemen ?

Eas.

Why Maister Blastfield ?

Sho.

Pish —

Easi.

You 'r so discontented too presently , a man cannot tell how to speake to you ?

Sho.

Why what would you say ?

Ea.

We must make some what on 't now sir .

Sho.

I where ? how ? the best is it lyes all vppon my necke , Maister Quomodo , can you help me to any money for t ? speak

Quo.

Troth Maister Blastfield , since my selfe is so vnfurnisht , I knowe not the meanes how , there 's one 'i th streete a new setter vp , if any lay out money vppon 't t will be he .

Sho.

His name :

Quo.

Master Idem — but you know we cannot giue but greatly to your losse , because we gaine and liue by 't .

Sho.

Sfoo't will he giue any thing .

Ea.

I , stand vppon that .

Sho.

Will he giue any thing ? — the Brokers will giue nothing ? to no purpose .

Quo.

Falslight .

Falsl.

Ouer your head sir .

Quo.

Desire Maister Idem to come presently and looke vppo' th cloath .

Fals.

I will sir .

Sho.

What if hee should offer but a hundred pound ?

Eas.

If he want twentie on 't le ts take it .

Sho.

Say you so ?

Ea.

Maister Quomodo we wil haue foure or fiue hundred pound for you of his owne within three or foure daies .

Sho.

T is true , he saide so indeede .

Eas.

Is That your wife maister Quomodo ?

Quo.

That 's shee , little Tomazin ?

Eas.

Vnder your leaue sir , i le show my selfe a Gentleman .

Quo.

Doe , and welcome Maister Easie .

Ea.

I haue commission for what I doe Lady from your Husband .

Toma.

You may haue a stronger commission for the next , an 't please you , that 's from my selfe .

Enter Sim. Eas.

You teach me the best law Lady .

Toma.

Beshrew my blood , a proper , springfull , and a sweet Gentleman .

Quo.

My Sonne : Sim Quomodo ? heere 's more worke for you Maister Easie , you must salute him too , for hee 's like to be heire of thy land I can tell thee .

Sim.

Vim , vitam , sprinque salutem .

Quo.

He showes you there he was a Cambridge man sir , but now hee 's a Templer , ha's he not good grace to make a Lawyer ?

Eas.

A very good grace to make a Lawyer .

Sho.

For indeede he ha's no grace at all .

Quo.

Some gaue me counsell to make him a Diuine .

Eas.

Fye , fie .

Quo.

But some of our liuerie thinke it an vnfit thing , that our owne Sonnes should tell vs of our vices : others , to make him a Phisitian , but then being my heyre , i 'me afraide hee would make me away : now a Lawyer thei 'r all willing too , because t is good for our trade and encreaseth , the number of Cloath-gownes , and indeede t is the fittest for a Citizens Sonne , for our word is , what doe yee lacke ? and their word is what doe you giue .

Easi.

Exceeding propper .

Enter Falsight for Maister Idem . Quo.

Maister Idem welcome .

Fals.

I haue seene the cloath sir .

Quo.

Verie well .

Fals.

I am but a yong setter vp , the vttermost I dare ventture vppon 't is three-score pound .

Shs.

What ?

Falst.

If it be for me , so , I am for it : if not , you haue your doth and I haue my money .

Easi.

Nay , pray maister Blastfield refuse not his kinde offer .

Shs.

A bargaine then maister Idem , clap hands — hee 's finely cheated : come , let 's all to the next Tauerne and see the money paide .

Eas.

A match .

Quo.

I follow you Gentlemen , take my Sonne along with you .

Exeunt .

Now to my keyes : i 'me Maister Idem , hee must fetch the money , first haue I caught him in a bond for two hundred pound , and my two hundred poundes worth a doath agen for three-score pound : admire me all you studyents at Innes for cousenage .

Exit . Finis Actus secundus .

Incipit Actus Tertius . Enter Lethes pander , Helgill , the Caūtrie wench comming in with a new fashion Gawne drest Gentlewoman like , the Taylor pointes it , and a Tyrewoman busie about her head . Helg.

You talke of an alteration , heer 's the thing it selfe , what base birthe does not rayment make glorious ? and what glorious birthes do not ragges make infamous ? why should not a woman confesse what she is now ? since the finest are but deluding shadowes , begot betweene Tyrewomen and Taylors ? for instance , beholde their Parents .

Com.

Say what you wil , this wire becomes you best , how say you Taylor ?

Tayl.

I promise you t is a wire would draw mee from my worke seauen daies a weeke .

Curt.

Why doe you worke a sundaies Taylor ?

Taylor .

Hardest of al a Sundaie , because we are most forbidden

Curt.

Troth and so doe moste of vs women , the better day the better deede we thinke .

Com.

Excellent exceeding yfaith , a narrow card wyer sets out a cheeke so fat and so full , and if you be rulde by me , you shal weare your hayre still like a Mock-face behinde , t is such an Italian world , many men knowe not Before from Behinde .

Tayl.

How like you the fitting of this gowne now Mistris Comings ?

Com.

It sits at meruailous good Ease , and comely discretion .

Helg.

Who would thinke now this fine Sophisticated squal came out of the Bosome of a Barne , and the loynes of a Haytosser .

Curt.

Out you sawcie pestiferous Pander , I scorne that yfaith .

Helg.

Excellent , already the true phrase and stile of a strumpet , stay , a little more of the red , and then I take my leaue of your Cheeke for foure & twenty houres — Doe you not thinke it impossible that her owne Father should know her now , if he saw her ?

Curt.

Why I thinke no lesse , how can he knowe me , when I scarce knowe my selfe .

Helg:

T is right .

Curt.

But so well you lay waite for a man for me .

Helg.

I protest I haue bestowed much labour about it , and in fit Time , good newes I hope .

Enter one bringing in her Father in disguise to serue her .

1 I u'e found one yet at last , in whose preferment I hope to reape credit .

Curt.

Is that the fellowe ?

1 Lady it is .

Curt.

Art thou willing to serue me fellow ?

Fath.

So please you , he that ha's not the heart to serue such a Mistris as your beautifull selfe , deserues to be honoured for a foole , or Knighted for a Coward .

Curtiz.

There 's to many of them alreadie .

Fath.

T were sinne then to raise the number .

Curt.

Well , wee le trie both our likings for a month , and then eyther proceede , or let fall the suite .

Fath.

Be it as you haue spoke , but t is my hope A longer Tearme .

Curt.

No truely , our Tearme endes once a month , wee should get more then the Lawyers , for they haue but foure Tearmes a yeare , and wee haue twelue , & that makes e'm run so fast to vs in the Vacation .

Fath.

A mistris of of a choice beauty , amongst such imperfect creatures I ha not seene a perfecter : I should haue reckoned the fortunes of my Daughter amongst the happiest , had she lighted into such a seruice , whereas now I rest doubt full , whome or where she serues .

Curt.

There 's for your bodily aduice Taylor , and there s for your head-counsell , and I discharge you both till to morrowe morning agen .

Tay.

At which time our neatest Attendance .

Coin .

I pray haue an especiall care howsoeuer you stand or lye , that nothing fall vppon your haire to batter your wire .

Exeunt Curt.

I warrant you for that — which Gowne becomes me best now , the purple Sattin or this ?

Helg.

If my opinion might rule ouer you —

Enter Lethe with Rerage and Salewood . Leth.

Come gallants , i le bring you to a Beauty shal stricke your eyes into your hearts , what you see you shall desire , yet neuer enioy .

Rer.

And that 's a Villanous torment .

Sale .

And is she but your vnderput Maister Lethe ?

Leth.

No more of my credit , and a Gentlewoman of a great house , Noble parentage , vnmatchable Education , my plain Pung . I may , grace her with the name of a Curtizan , a Backslider , a Prostitution , or such a Toy , but when all comes to al t is but a plaine Pung , looke you Gentlemen , that 's she , beholde her .

Curt.

Oh my beloued strayer ! I consume in thy absence .

Leth.

La you now — you shall not say i le be proud to you Gentlemen , I giue you leaue to salute her , I me afraide of nothing now , but that shee le vtterlie disgrace e'm , turn taile to e'm , and place their kisses behinde her , no by my faith , she deceiues me , by my troth sha 's kist am both with her lips : I thanke you for that musick maisters , sli'd they both court her at once , and see if she ha not the wit to stand still and let e'm : I thinke if two men were brewde into one , there is that woman would drink e'm vp both .

Rerg.

A Cockscombe , he a Courtier .

Curt.

He saies he ha's a place there .

Sale .

So ha's the Foole a better place then he , and can come where he dare not show his head .

Leth.

Nay , he are you me Gentlemen .

Sale .

I protest you were the last man we spoke on , we 're a little busie yet , pray stay there a while , wee le come to you presently .

Leth.

This is good yfaith , indure this and be a slaue foreuer , since you neither sauour of good breeding nor bringing vp , I le slice your hamstrings but i le make you show mannerly — pox on you , leaue courting , I ha not the heart to hurt an Englishman yfaith , or else —

Sale .

What else ?

Leth.

Prethee le ts be merrie , nothing else — heere , fetch some wine .

Curt.

Let my Seruant goe for 't .

Let.

Your's , which is he ?

Sho.

This sir , but I scarce like my Mistris now : the loynes can nere be safe where the Flyes be so busie — Witte by experience bought foyles wit at Schoole : Who proues a deeper knaue then a Spent foole , I am gone for your worships wine sir .

Helg.

Sir , you put vp too much indignitie , bring company to cut your owne throate , the fire is not yet so hot , that you neede two Screenes before it , t is but new kindled yet , if t were risse to a flame , I could not blame you then to put others before you but alasse all the heate yet is comfortable a cherrisher , not a defacer .

Let.

Prethe let e'm alone , thei le bee asham'd o' t anon I troe , if they haue any grace in 'em .

Helg.

I de faine haue him quarrell , fight , and be assuredlye kild , that I might beg his place : for there 's nere a one voide yet .

Enter Shortyard with Easie . Curt.

You le make him mad anon .

Sale .

T is to that end .

Sho.

Yet at last , Maister Quomodo is as firme as his promise .

Eas.

Did I not tell you still he would .

Sho.

Let me see , I am seauen hundred pound in bond now to the Rascall .

Eas.

Nay y' are no lesse Maister Blastfield , looke too 't , by my troth , I must needes confesse sir , you ha bene vncommonly kinde to me , since I ha beene in Towne , but maister Alsup shall know on 't .

Sho.

That 's my Ambition sir .

Eas.

I beseech you sir . Stay , this is Lethes haunt , see , we haue catcht him .

Leth.

Maister Blastfield and Maister Easie , y' are kinde Gentlemen both .

Sho.

Is that the beauty you famde so ?

Leeh.

The same .

Sho.

Who be those so industrious about her ?

Let.

Rerage and Salewood : I le tell you the vnmannerlyest tricke of e'm , that euer you heard in your life .

Sho.

Prethee what s that ?

Leth.

I enuyted e'm hyther to looke vpon her , brought e'm along with me , gaue e'm leaue to salute her in kindnes , what doe they but moste sawcilie fall in loue with her , verye impudently court her for themselues , and like two craftye Atturneyes , finding a hole in my lease , goe about to defeate me of my right .

Sho.

Ha they so little conscience ?

Leth.

The moste vnciuilst part that you haue seene , I know thei le be sorry for 't when they haue done , for ther 's no man but giues a sigh after his sin of women , I knowe it by my selfe .

Sho.

You parcell of a rude , sawcie and vnmannerly nation .

Lethe .

One good thing in him , hee le tell e'm on t roundly .

Sho.

Cannot a Gentleman purchase a little fire to thawe his appetite by , but must you that haue beene dayly sindg'd in the flame , be as greedy to beguile him on 't ? how can it appeare in you but maliciously , and that you goe about to engrosse hell to your selues ? heauen forbid , that you should not suffer a stranger to come in , the Deuill himselfe is not so vnmannerly , I doe not thinke but some of them rather will be wise enough to beg Offices there before you , and keepe you out , marry all the spite will bee they cannot sell e'm agen .

Eas.

Come , are you not to blame — not to giue place ? — To vs I meane —

Let.

A worse and a worse disgrace .

Cur.

Nay Gentlemen , you wrong vs both then , stand from me , I protest i le draw my siluer Bodkin vpon you .

Sho.

Clubs , clubs , — Gentlemen stand vppon your Guard .

Curt.

A Gentlewoman must swagger a little now and then I perceiue , there would bee no ciuilitie in her Chamber else , though it be my hard fortune to haue my keeper there a coward , the thing that 's kept is a Gentlewoman borne .

Sho.

And to conclude a Coward , infallible of your side , why doe you thinke yfaith I tooke you to be a Coward ? doe I thinke you le turne your backe to anye man liuing ? you le be whipt first .

Eas.

And then indeede she turnes her backe to some man liuing .

Sho.

But that man showes himselfe a Knaue , for he dares not showe his owne face when hee does it , for some of the common Counsell in Henry the eights daies thought it modestie at that time , that one Vizzard should looke vppon another .

Easi.

T was honestly considered of e'm yfaith .

Enter Mother Gruill . Sho.

How now ? what peece of stuffe comes heere ?

Leth.

Now some good newes yet to recouer my Repute , and grace me in this company ; Gentlemen , are we friendes among our selues ?

Sho.

Vnited .

Leth.

Then heere comes Reuish to confirme our Amitie — Wag-tail , salute them all they are friendes .

Curt.

Then sauing my quarrell to you all .

Sho.

Toe's all

Curt.

Now be shrowe your hearts , and you doe not .

Sho.

To sweete Maister Lethe .

Let.

Let it flow this way deere Maister Blastfield , Gentlemen to you all .

Sho.

This Renish wine is like the scowring-sticke to a gun , it makes the Barrell cleere : it ha's an excelent vertue , it keepes all the Sinckes in man and womans bodie sweete in Iune and Iuly , and to say truth , if Ditches were not cast once a yeare , and Drabs once a Month , there would be no abiding i' th Cittie .

Let.

Gentlemen , i le make you priuie to a letter I sent .

Sho.

A letter comes well after priuie , it makes amends .

Let.

There 's one Quomodo , a Drapers Daughter in towne whome for her happie portion I wealthily affect .

Rer.

And not for loue ? this makes for me his Riuall , beare witnesse .

Leth.

The Father does elect me for the man , The Daughter sayes the same .

Sho.

Are you not well ?

Le.

Yes all but for the mother , shee 's my sicknesse .

Sho.

Birlady and the Mother is a pestilent , wilfull , troublesome sicknesse I can tell you , if she light vpon you handsomlye .

Let.

I finde it so : she for a stranger pleades : Whose name I ha not learn'd .

Rer.

And ene now he cald me by it .

Let.

Now as my letter tolde her , since onely her consent kept aloofe of , what might I thinke on 't , but that she meerely dooted vpon me herselfe .

Sho.

Very assuredly .

Salt .

This makes still for you .

Sho.

Did you let it goe so yfaith ?

Leth.

You may beleeue it sir , now what sayes her answere ?

Sho.

I , her answere .

Gruil.

She saies you 'r a base proud knaue , and like your worship .

Leth.

How ?

Sho.

Nay , heare out hir answere , or there 's no goodnesse in you .

Grui.

You ha forgot she saies in what pickle your worship came vp , and brought two of your friendes to giue their wordes for a sute of greene Kersye .

Leth.

Drudge , peace , or —

Sho.

Show your selfe a Gentleman , she had the patience to reade your letter which was as bad as this can be , what will she thinke on 't , not heare her answere ? speake , good his drudge .

Guil.

And as for hir Daughter , shee hopes shee le be rulde by her in time , and not be carryed away with a cast of Manchets , a bottle of Wine , and a Custard , which once made her Daughter sicke , because you came by it with a bad conscience .

Let.

Gentlemen , i 'me all in a sweate .

Sho.

That 's verie wholsome for your body , nay you must keepe in your armes .

Gru.

Then she demaunded of me whether I was your worships Ant or no ?

Let.

Out , out , out , Gru. Alasse saide I , I am a poore drudge of his .

Faith and thou wert his Mother ( quoth she ) heed make thee his Drudge I warrant him —

Marry out vpon him ( quoth I ) an 't like your worship .

Leth.

Horror , horror , i 'me smother'd , let me goe , torment me not .

Exit . Sho.

And you loue me , le ts follow him Gentlemen .

All .

Agreed .

Exeunt Sho.

I count a hundred pound wel spent to persue a good iest Maister Easie .

Easi.

By my troth I begin to beare that minde too .

Sho.

Well saide yfaith , hang money-good iests are worth siluer at all times .

Eas.

They 'r worth golde Maister Blastfield .

Exeunt . Curt.

Doe you deceiue me so ? are you toward marriage yfaith Master Lethe it shall goe hard but i le forbid the Banes , i le send a messenger into your bones , another into your pursse but I le doo 't .

Exit . Fath. Thou faire and wicked Creature , steept in Arte , Beautious and fresh , the soule the fowlest part . A common Filth , is like a House possest , Where if not spoild , you le come out fraide at least , This seruice likes not me , though I rest poore , I hate the basest vse to screene a whore . The humaine stroke nere made him , hee that can Be Bawde to Woman , neuer leapt from man . Some monster wunne his Mother , I wisht my poore childe hether , doubled wrong , A month and such , a mistris were too long , Yet heere a while in others liues i le see , How former follyes , did appeare in me . Exit . Enter Easie with Shortyards Boy . Eas.

Boy .

Anon sir .

Eas.

Where left you Maister Blastfield your maister , say you ?

Boy .

An houre since I left him in Paules sir — but you le not finde him the same man agen next time you meete him .

Eas.

Methinks I haue noe beeing without his companie t is so full of kindenes and delight , I holde him to be the onely Companyon in earth .

Boy .

I , as Companions goe now adaies that helpe to spend a mans money .

Eas.

So full of nimble wit , various discourse , praegnant apprehension , and vncommon entertainment , hee might keepe Company with any Lord for his grace .

Boy .

I , with any Lord that were past it .

Eas.

And such a good free hearted honest , affable kinde of Gentleman : Come Boy a heauinesse will possesse me till I see him .

Exit . Boy .

But you le finde your selfe heauyer then , by a seauen hundred pound weight , — Alasse poore Birds that cannot keepe the sweete Countrie , where they slye at pleasure , but must needes come to London to haue their wings clipt , and are faine to goe hopping home agen .

Exit . Enter Shortyard and Falslight like a Sarieant and a Yeoman to arrest Easie . Sho.

So , No man is so impudent to denye that — Spirits can change their shapes , and soonest of all into Serjeants : because they are Coosen Germans to spirits , for there 's but two kinde of arrests till Doomes-day , the Deuill for the soule , the Serjeant for the body , but afterward the deuill arrests bodye and soule Serjeant & all , if they be knaues still , and deserue it , now my yeoman Falslight .

Fals.

I Attend you good Serjant Shortyard .

Shor.

No more maister Blastfield now — poore Easie hardly be set .

Falsl.

But how if he should goe to prison , weere in a madde state then , being not Serjeants .

Sho.

Neuer let it come neere thy beleeue that hee le take prison , or stand out in lawe , knowing the debt to be due , but still expect the presence of Maister Blastfield , kinde M. Blastfield , worshipfull M Blastfield — and at the last —

Boy .

Maister Shortyard , maister Falslight .

Sho.

The Boy : a warning-piece , — see where he comes .

Enter Easie with the Boy . Eas.

Is not in paules .

Boy .

He is not farre off sure sir .

Eas.

When was his hovre sayst thou ?

Boy .

Two sir .

Eas.

Why two ha's strucke .

Boy .

No sir , they are now a striking .

Sho.

Maister Richard Easie of Essex we arrest you .

Eas.

Ha ?

Boy .

Alasse a Surgeon , hee 's hurt i th shoulder .

Sho.

Deliuer your weapons quietly sir .

Eas.

Why what 's the matter ?

Sho.

Y' are arrested at the suite of M. Quomodo .

Eas.

Maister Quomodo ?

Sho.

How strange you make it , you 'r a landed Gentleman sir , I knew t is but a trifle , a bond of seauen hundred pound .

Eas.

La , I knowe you had mistooke , you should arrest One Maister Blastfield , t is his bond , his debt .

Sho.

Is not your name there ?

Eas.

True , for fashions sake .

Sho.

Why and t is for fashions sake that we arrest you .

Eas.

Nay , & it be no more , I yeelde to that : I know Maister Blastfield wil see me take no iniurie as long as i 'me in towne , for Maister Alsups sake .

Sho.

Whos 's that Sir ?

Eas.

An honest Gentleman in Essex .

Sho.

Oh , In Essex ! I thought you had beene in London , where now your busines lyes , honestye from Essex will be a great while a comming sir , you should looke out an honest paire of Cittizens .

Eas.

Alasse sir , I knowe not where to finde e'm .

Sho.

No , there 's enow in Towne .

Easi .

I know not one by my troth , I am a meere stranger for these partes , Maister Quomodo is all , and the honestest that I knowe .

Sho.

To him then le ts set forward : — Yeoman Spiderman , cast an eye about for Maister Blastfield .

Eas.

Boy — Alasse the poore boy was frighted away at first .

Sho.

Can you blame him sir — we that dayly fray away Knight's , may fright away Boyes I hope .

Exeunt . Enter Quomodo with the Boy . Quo.

Ha ? haue they him sayst thou ?

Boy .

As sure as —

Quo. The land 's mine , that s sure enough boy . Let me aduaunce thee knaue , and giue thee a kisse , My plot 's so firme I dare it now to misse . Now shall I be diuulgde a landed man , Throughout the liuerie : — one points , another whispers , A third frets inwardly : let him fret and hang , Especially his enuie I shall haue , That would be faine , yet cannot be a knaue , Like an olde leather girt in furde Gowne , Whose minde stands stiffe but his performance downe . Now come my golden daies in : — whither is the worshipfull master Quomodo , and his faire Bedfellow rid forth , To his land in Essex ? whence comes those goodly loade of Logs ? from his land in Essex ? where growes this pleasant fruit , sayes one Citizens wife in the rowe ; at maister Quomodos Orchard in Essex ; oh , oh , do's it so , I thanke you for that good newes yfaith . Boy .

Here they come with him sir .

Quo.

Grant mee patience in my ioyes , that being so great I run not mad with 'em .

Sho.

Blesse maister Quomodo .

Quo.

How now Serjeants ? who ha you brought me here , master Easie ?

Eas.

Why la you now Serjeants , did I not tell you you mistooke ?

Quo.

Did you not heare me say . I had rather ha had master Blastfield , the more sufficient man a great deale ?

Sho.

Verie true sir , — but this Gentleman lighting into our hands first —

Quo.

Why did you so sir ?

Sho.

Wee thought good to make vse of that oportunitie , and hold him fast .

Quo.

You did well in that I must needes say , for your owne securities , but t was not my minde master Easie to haue you first , you must needes thinke so .

Eas.

I dare sweare that master Quomodo .

Quo.

But since you are come to me , I haue no reason to refuse you , I should show little manners in that sir .

Eas.

But I hope you spake not in that sence sir , to impose the bond vpon mee .

Quo.

By my troth that 's my meaning sir , you shall finde mee an honest man , you see I meane what I say , is not the day past , the money vntendred , you 'd ha me liue vprightly maister Easie ?

Eas.

Why sir , you know maister Blastfield is the man .

Quo.

Why sir , I know master Blastfield is the man , but is he any more then one man ? two entred into bond to mee , or I 'me fowly coozn'd .

Eas.

You know my entrance was but for fashion sake .

Quo.

Why , i le a gree to you , you 'l grant t is the fashion likewise when the Bond 's due to haue the money paid agen .

Sho.

So we told him sir , and that it lay in your worships curtezie to arrest which you please .

Quo.

Marie do's it sir , these fellowes know the law , — beside , you offred yourself into Bond to me you know , when I had no stomake to you , now beshrew your heart for your labour , I might ha had a good substantiall Citizen , that would ha paid the summe roundly , altho I think you sufficient enough for seauen hundred pound , beside the forfeyture , I would be loath to disgrace you so much before Serjeants .

Eas.

If you would hathe pacience sir , I doe not thinke but master Blasefield is at Carriers to receiue the money .

Quo.

He wil proue the honester man then , & you the better discharged , I wonder he should breake with me , t' was neuer his practise , you must not bee angry with mee now , tho you were somewhat hot when you entred into Bond , you may easily go in angerly , but you cannot come out so .

Eas.

No , the Diuels in 't for that .

Sho.

Do you heere sir , a my troth we pittie you , ha you any store of Crownes about you ?

Eas.

Faith a poore store , yet they shall be at their seruice that will striue to doe me good , — we were both drunke last night , and neer thought vpon the bond .

Sho.

I must tell you this , you haue fell in to the hands of a most mercilesse deuourer , the verie gul a the citie , should you offer him mony , Goods or lands now , hee 'd rather haue your bodie in prison , hee 's a such a nature . Eas. Prison w' are vndon then .

Sho.

Hee 's a such a nature , looke ? — Let him owe any man a spite ! what 's his course : he will lend him mony to day , a purpose to rest him tomorrow .

Eas.

Defend me ?

Sho.

Has at least sixteene at this instant proceeded in both the Counters : some batchler , some masters , some doctors of captiuitie of 20. years standing and he desires nothing more then imprisonment .

Eas.

Would Ma. Blastfield would come away .

Sho.

I , then things would not bee as they are — what will you say to vs if wee procure you two substantiall subsidie Cittizens to baile you spite on 's heart , and set you at libertie to finde out maister Blastfield .

Eas.

Serjeant ! here , take all , i le be deare to you , doe but performe it .

Sho.

Much .

Fals.

Inough sweet Serjeant , I hope I vnderstand thee .

Sho.

I loue to preuent the malice of such a rascall , perhaps you might find maister Blastfield to night .

Eas.

Why , we lie together man , there 's the iest on 't .

Sho.

Fie . — and you le seeke to secure your baile , because they will be two Cittizens of good account , you must doe that for your credit sake .

Eas.

I le be bound to saue them harmelesse .

Sho.

A pox on him , you cut his throte then , — no words .

Eas.

What 's it you require me maister Quomodo ?

Quo.

You know that before this time I hope sir , present money , or present imprisonment .

Sho.

I told you so .

Eas.

We nere had money of you .

Quo.

You had commodities , an 't please you

Eas.

Well , may I not craue so much libertie vpon my word , to seeke out maister Blastfield ?

Quo.

Yes , and you would not laugh at me : wee are sometimes Gulls to Gentlemen , I thanke 'em ; but Gentlemen are neuer Gulls to vs , I commend 'em .

Sho.

Vnder your leaue master Quomodo , the Gentleman craues the furtherance of an houre , and it sorts well with our occasion at this time , hauing a little vrgent busines at Guild-hall , at which minute wee le returne , and see what agreement is made .

Quo.

Nay take him along with you Serjeant .

Eas.

I 'me vndone then .

Sho.

Hee 's your prisoner ; and being safe in your house at your owne disposing , you cannot denie him such a request : beside , he hath a little faith in Ma. Blastfields comming sir .

Quo.

Let me not be too long delaid I charge you .

Eas.

Not an houre yfaith sir .

Exeunt . Quo.

O maister Easie , of all men liuing I neuer dream you would ha done me this iniurie : make me would my credite , faile in my commodities , ring my state into suspition : for the breaking of your day to me , has broken my day to others .

Eas.

You tell me of that still , which is no fault of mine master Quomodo .

Quo.

Oh what s a man but his honestie master Easie , and that s a fault amongst most of vs all , — Marke but this note , I le giue you good counsell now , — as often as you giue your name to a bond , you must think you christen a child , and take the charge on 't too : for as the one , the bigger it growes the more cost it requires : so the other the longer it lies , the more charges it puts you too , onely heer 's the difference a childe must bee broke , and a bond must not , the more you breake children , the more you keep 'em vnder : but the more you breake bondes , the more they le leape in your face , and therefore , to conclude , I would neuer vndertake to bee Gossip to that bond which I would not see well brought vp .

Eas.

Say you so sir ? — I le thinke vpon your counsaile hereafter for 't .

Quo.

Ah foole , thou shouldest neere ha tasted such witte but that I know t is too late .

Tom.

The more I grieue :

Quo. To put all this into the compasse of a litle hoop Ring Make this account , come better dayes or worse , So many bonds abroad , so many boyes at nurse . Eas.

A good medicine for a short memorie : — but since , you haue entred so farre , whose children are desperate depts I pray ?

Quo.

Faith they are like the of-springs of stolne lust , put to the hospital , their fathers are not to be found , they are either too far abroad , or too close within , and thus for your memories sake .

The desperate Debter hence deriues his name , One that has neither money , land nor fame , All that he makes , proue Bastards , and not Bonds , But such as yours , at first are borne to lands . Eas.

But all that I beget heereafter I le so one disinherit Maister Quomodo .

Quo.

In the meane time heere s a shrewd knaue will disinherit you .

Eas.

Well , to put you out of all doubt Maister Quomodo , i le not trust to your curtezie , I ha sent for bayle .

Quo.

How ? y 'aue couzened me there yfaith .

Eas.

Since the worst comes to the worst , I haue those friends 'i th Cittie , I hope that will not suffer me to lye for seauen hundred pound .

Quo.

And you tolde me you had no friendes heere at all , how should a man trust you now ?

Eas.

That was but to trie your Curtesie M. Quomodo .

Quo.

How vnconscionably he gulls himself — they must be wealthye subsidie-men sir , at least fortye pound 'i th Kings Bookes I can tell you , that doe such a feate for you .

Enter Shortyard and Falslight , like wealthy Cittizens in Sattin sutes . Eas.

Heere they come what so ere they are .

Quo.

Berlady Aldermans Deputies , I am verie sorrye for you sir , I cannot refuse such men .

Sho.

Are you the Gentleman in distresse ?

Eas.

None more then my selfe sir .

Quo.

Hee speakes truer then he thinkes , for if he knew , The hearts that owe those faces — a darke shop 's good for somewhat .

Eas.

That was all sir .

Shor.

And that 's enough , for by that meanes you haue made your selfe liable to the Bond , as well as that Basefield

Eas.

Blastfield sir .

Sho.

Oh crie you mercie t is Blastfield indeede .

Eas.

But vnder both your worships fauours I know where to finde him presently .

Sho.

That 's all your refuge .

Boy .

Newes , good newes Master Easie .

Eas.

What boy ?

Boy .

Maister Blastfield my maister has receiued a thousand pound , and will be at his lodging at supper .

Easie .

Happye newes , heare you that Maister Quomodo ?

Quo.

T is enough for you to heare that , y' are the fortunate man sir .

Eas.

Not now I beseech your good worships .

Sho.

Gentleman , what 's your tother name ?

Eas.

Easie .

Sho.

O Maister Easie — I would we could rather pleasure you otherwise Maister Easie , you should soone perceiue it , i le speake a proud word we haue pittied more Gentlemen in distresse , then any two Cittizens within the freedome — but to be baile to seauen hundred pound action , is a matter of shroud weight .

Eas.

I le be bound to secure you .

Shor.

Tut , what 's your bond sir ?

Eas.

Bodye , goods , and Lands , immediately before Master Quomodo .

Sho.

Shall we venture once agen , that haue beene so often vndone by Gentlemen ?

Fal.

I haue no great stomacke too 't , it will appeare in vs more pittie then wisdome .

Eas.

Why should you say so sir ?

Sho.

I like the Gentlemans face well , hee doe's not looke as if he would deceiue vs .

Eas.

O not I sir .

Sho.

Come wee le make a desperate voyage once agen , wee le trye his honestie , and take his single bond , of body Goods and Lands .

Eas.

I dearely thanke you sir .

Sho.

Maister Quomodo ?

Quo.

Your worships .

Shortyard .

We haue tooke a Course to set your prisoner free .

Quo.

Your worships are good baile you content me .

Sho.

Come then , and be a witnesse to a Recullisance .

Quo.

With all my heart sir .

Sho.

Maister Easie , you must haue an especiall care now to find out that Blastfield .

Eas.

I shall haue him at my lodging sir .

Sho.

The suite will bee followed against you else , Maister Quomodo will come vpon vs , and forsake you .

Eas.

I know that sir .

Sho.

Well since I see you haue such a good minde to bee honest , I le leaue some greater affayres , and sweate with you to finde him my selfe .

Eas.

Heare then my miserie ends . A strangers kindenesse oft exceedes a friends .

Exeunt . Toma . Thou art deceiu'd thy miserie but begins , " To beguile goodnes , is the coare of sins . My loue is such vnto thee , that I die As often as thou drink'st vp iniurie , Yet haue no meanes to warne thee from 't , for hee " That sowes in Craft , doe's rape in Iealousie . Rerrage.

Now the letters made vp and all , it wants but the print of a seale , and away it goes to Maister Quomodo : Andrew Lethe is well whipt in 't , his name stands in a white sheete heere , and does pennance for him .

Sale .

You haue shame enough against him , if that be good .

Rer.

First as a contempt of that reuerend Ceremony , hee has in hand , to wit , marriage .

Sale .

Why doe you say to wit marriage , when you knowe there s none will marrie that 's wise .

Rer.

Had it not more neede then , to haue wit to put too 't if it be growne to a Folly ?

Sale .

Y 'aue wun , I le giue 't you .

Rerag.

T is no thankes now , — but as I was saying : as a soule contempt to that sacred ceremony , hee moste audaciouslye keepes a Drab in towne , and to be free from the interruption of blew Beadles , and other bawdy Officers , hee most politickly lodges her in a Constables house .

Sale .

That 's a prettie point yfaith .

Rer.

And so the watch that should fetch her out , are her chiefest guard to keepe her in .

Sale .

It must needes be for looke how the Constable playes his Conscience , the watch-men will followe the suite .

Rer.

Why well then .

Enter Easie with Shortyard like a Cittizen . Eas.

All night from me hee 's hurt , hee 's made away .

Sho.

Where shall we seeke him now ? you leade me fayre daunt's sir .

Eas.

Pray keepe a little patience sir , I shall finde him at last you shall see .

Sho.

A Cittizen of my ease and substance to walke so long a foote .

Eas.

You should ha had my horse but that he ha's eaten out his head sir .

Sho.

How would you had me hold him by the tayle sir then ?

Eas.

Manners forbid , t is no part of my meaning sir , — oh heere 's Maister Rerage , and Maister Salewood , now we shall heare of him presently : — Gentlemen both .

Sale .

Maister Easie , how fare you sir ?

Eas.

Verye well in health , did you see Maister Blastfield this morning ?

Sale .

I was about to moue it to you .

Rer.

We were all three in a minde then .

Sale .

I ha not set eye on him these two daies .

Rer.

I wonder he keepes so long from vs yfaith .

Eas.

I began to be sicke .

Sal.

Why , what 's the matter ?

Eas.

Nothing in troth , but a great desire I had to haue seene him .

Rer.

I wonder you shuld misse on 't lately , you 'r his bedfelow

Eas.

I lay alone to night yfaith , — I doe not know how , O here comes master Lethe , he can dispatch me : Master Lethe !

Leth.

What 's your name sir ? — O crie you mercie master Easie .

Eas.

When parted you from maister Blastfield sir ?

Leth.

Blastfield 's an Asse , I haue sought him these two dayes to beate him .

Eas.

Your selfe all alone sir ?

Leth.

I , and three more . —

Exit . Sho.

I am glad , I am where I am then , I perceiue t was time of all handes .

Rer.

Content yfaith , let 's trace him .

Exount after Lethe . Sho.

What ? haue you found him yet ? neither ? what 's to be done now ? i le venter my bodie no further for any Gentlemans pleasure , I know not how soone I may be cald vppon , and now to ouer-heate my selfe . —

Eas.

I me vndone .

Sho.

This is you that slept with him , you can make fooles of vs , but i le turne you ouer to Quomodo for t .

Eas.

Good sir .

Sho.

I le preuent mine owne danger .

Eas.

I beseech you sir .

Sho.

Tho I loue Gentlemen well , I doe not meane to bee vndone for 'em .

Eas.

Pray sir , let mee request you sir , sweete sir , I beseech you sir .

Exeunt . Musicke . Finit Actus tertius .

Incipit quartus . Enter Quomodo , his disguised spirits , after whom Easie followes hard . Sho.

Made fooles of vs ! not to be found !

Quo.

What , what ?

Eas.

Do not vndoe me quite tho Ma Quomodo .

Quo.

Y' are verie welcome , master Easie , I ha nothing to say to you , i le not touch you , you may goe when you please , — I haue good baile here I thanke their worships .

Eas.

What shall I say , or whom shall I beseech ?

Sho.

Gentlemen , S'lid they were borne to vndo vs I think , but for my part , I le make an oath before maister Qomodo here , nere to doe Gentlemen good while I liue .

Fals.

I le not be long behind you .

Sho.

Away ; if you had any grace in you , you would bee ashamed to looke vs i th face , ywis I wonder with what browe you can come amongst vs , I should seeke my fortunes farre enough if I were you , and neither returne to Essex , to bee a shame to my predecessors , nor remaine about London , to be a mocke to my successors .

Quo.

Subtle Shortyard !

Sho.

Here are his lands forfeyted to vs master Quomodo , and to auoyd the inconscionable trouble of law , all the assistance he made to vs , we willingly resigne to you .

Quo.

What shall I doe with Rubbish , giue me money : T is for your worships to haue land , that keepe great houses , I should be hoysted .

Sho.

But master Quomodo , if you would but conceyue it aright , the land would fall fitter to you then to vs .

Eas.

Curtzing about my land .

Sho.

You haue a towardly sonne and heyre as we heare .

Quo.

I must needs say , he is a Templer indeed .

Sho.

We haue neither posteritie in Towne nor hope for any abroad ; we haue wiues , but the markes haue beene out of their mouths these twentie yeares , and as it appeares , they did little good when they were in : wee could not stande about it sir , to get riches and children too , t is more then one man can doe . And I am of those Citizens mindes that say , let our wiues make shift for children and they will , they get none of vs ; and I cannot thinke , but he that has both much wealth and many children , has had more helpes comming in then himselfe .

Quo.

I am not a Bowe wide of your minde sir . — And for the thristie and couetous hopes I haue in my sonne and heyre Sim Qmomodo , that hee will neuer trust his land in Waxe and Parchment as many Gentlemen haue done before him .

Eas.

Al y-blow for me .

Quo.

I will honestly discharge you , and recevue it in due forme and order of law , to strengthen it for euer to my sonne and heyre , that he may vndoubtedly enter vppon 't without the let or molestation of any man , at his or our pleasure whensoeuer .

Sho.

T is so assurde vnto you .

Quo.

Why then maister Basie y' are a freeman sir , you may deale in what you please , and goe whether you will . Why Tomazin , maister Easie is come from Essex , bid him welcome in a cup of small Beare .

Tom.

Not onely vilde , but in it tyrannous .

Quom.

If it please you sir , you knowe the house , you may visite vs often , and dine with vs once a quarter .

Eas. Confusion light on you , your wealth and heyre , Worme gnaw your conscience , as the Moth your ware , I am not the first heyre that rob'd , or beg'd . Exit . Quo.

Excellent excellent , sweet Spirits .

Sho.

Landed maister Quomodo .

Quo. Delicate shortyard , commodious Falslight , Hug and away , shift , shift . T is slight , not strength that giues the greatest lift . Nowe my desires are full — for this tyme , Men may haue Cormorant wishes , but alas A little thing three hundred pound a yeare , Suffices nature , keepes life and soule together , I le haue 'em kept immediately .

I long to warme my selfe by 'th wood , — A fine iourney in the Whitsun-holy dayes yfaith , to ride downe with a number of Citizens , and their wiues , some vpon pillions , some vpon Side saddles , I , and little Tomazin i th middle our some and heire Sim Quomodo in a peach colour Taffata Iacket , some horses length , or a long yard before vs , there will be a fine shew on 's I can tell you , where we Citizens will laugh , and lie downe get all our wiues with child against a bank and get vp againe , — stay , ha hast thou that wit yfaith t will be admirable , to see how the very thought of greene fieldes puts a man into sweet inuenttions . I will presently possesse Sim Quomodo of all the land , I haue a toy and I le doo 't : and because I see before mine eies that most of our heires proue notorious Rioters after our deaths , and that cousonage in the father wheeles about to follie in the sonne , our posteritie commonly foylde at the same weapon , at which we plaide rarely . And being the worlds beaten worde , what 's got ouer the Diuels backe , ( that 's by knauerie ) must be spent vnder his bellie , ( that 's by lechery ) being awake in these knowings , why should not I oppose 'em now , and breake destinie of her custome , preuenting that by pollicie , which without it must needes be Destinie ? and I haue tooke the course , I will forthwith sicken , call for my keyes , make my Will , and dispose of all , giue my sonne this blessing , that hee trust no man , keepe his hand from a queane , and a Scriuener , liue in his fathers faith , and doe good to no bodie : then will I begin to raue like a fellow of a wide conscience , and for all the worlde counterfeit to the life , that which I know I shall do when I die , take on for my golde , my landes , and my wrytings , grow worse and worse , call vpon the Diuell , and so make an ende : by this time I haue indented with a couple of searchers , who to vphold my deuice shall fray them out a' th Chamber with report of sicknesse , and so la , I start vp , and recouer agen : for in this businesse I will trust , no not my spirits Falslight & shortyard , but in disguise note the condition of al , how pittiful my wife takes my death , which wil appear by Nouember in her eye , and the fall of the leaf in her bodie , but especially by the cost she bestows vpon my funeral , there shall I trie her loue and regard , my daughters marrying to my will & lyking , and my sonnes affection after my disposing : for to conclude , I am as jealous of this land as of my wife , to know what would become of it after my decease .

Exit . Enter Curtezan with her disguised father . Fath.

Tho I be poore , t is my glorie to liue honest .

Curt.

I prethee doe not leaue me .

Faith . To be bawde . Hell has not such an office , I thought at first your minde had beene preseru'd , In vertue and in modestie of bloud , that such a face had not bene made to please the vnsetled Appetites of seuerall men , Those eyes turn'd vp through prayer , not through lust , But you are wicked , and my thoughts vniust . Curt.

Why thou art an vnreasonable fellow yfaith , doe not al Trades liue by their ware , and yet cald honest Liuers ? doe they not thriue best , when they vtter moste , and make it away by the great ? is not hole-sale the chiefest marchandize ? doe you thinke some Merchants could keepe their wiues so braue but for their hole-sale ? you 'r fowly deceiu'd and you thinke so .

Fath.

You are so glewde to punishent and shame , Your wordes ee'n deserue whipping — to beare the habit of a Gentlewoman , and be in minde so distant .

Curt.

Why you foole you , are not Gentlewomen Sinners ? and there 's no coragious Sinner amongst vs , but was a Gentlewoman by the Mothers side I warrant you : besides , wee are not alwaies bound to thinke those our fathers that marrie our Mothers , but those that lye with our Mothers , and they may be Gentlemen borne & born agen for ought we know , you knowe .

Fath.

True : corruption may well be Generations first , Wee 're bad by nature , but by custome worst .

Exeunt . A Bell Toales , a Confused crie within . Toma.

Oh my Husband .

Sim.

My Father , O my Father .

Fals.

My sweete Maister , dead !

Enter Shortyard and the Boy . Short .

Runne boy , bid 'em ring out , hee 's dead , hee 's gone .

Boy .

Then is as arrant a knaue gone , as ere was cal'd vppon .

Sho. The happyest good that euer Shortyard felt , I want to be exprest , my mirth is such , To bee struck now eene when his ioyes were hye , Men onely kisse their knaueries , and so dye , I u'e often markt it . Hee was a famous Coozner while he liu'd , And now his Sonne shall reape it , i le ha the lands , Let him Studye law after , t is no labour to vndoe him for euer : but for Easie , Onely good confidence did make him foolish , And not the lack of Sence , that was not it , T is worldly craft beates downe a Schollars wit , For this our Sonne and heyre now , hee From his conception was entayl'd an Asse , And hee ha's kept it well , twentie fiue yeares now , Then the sleightest art will doo 't , the landes lye faire , No Sinne to begger a deceiuers heyre . Exit . Enter Tomazin with Winefride her maide in hast . Toma.

Heere Wenefride , heere , heere , heere , I haue alwaies found thee secret .

Wini.

You shall alwaies finde me so Mistris .

Toma.

Take this letter and this Ring .

Wini.

Yes forsooth .

Toma.

Oh how all the partes about me shake , — enquire for one Maister Easie at his olde lodging 'i th the Blackfryers ,

Win.

I will indeed forsooth .

Toma.

Tell him the partie that sent him a hundred pound tother day to confort his heart , ha's likewise sent him this Letter and this Ring , which has that vertue to recouer him agen for euer say — name no body Winifride .

Win.

Not so much as you forsooth .

Toma.

Good Girle , thou shalt haue a mourning Gowne at the buryall of mine honestie .

Win.

And i le effect your will a my Fedelitie .

Exit . Toma.

I doe account my selfe the happyest Widdowe that euer counterfetted weeping , in that I haue the leasure now , both to doe that Gentleman good , and doe my selfe a pleasure , but I must seeme like a hanging Moone a little waterish a while .

Enter Rerage , Curtezans Father following . Rer. I entertaine both thee and thy Deuice , T will put e'm both to shame . Fath. That is my hope sir , Especially that strumpet . Rer. Saue you sweete widdowe , I suffer for your heauinesse . Toma.

O Maister Rerage , I haue lost the dearest husband that euer woman did inioy .

Rerg.

You must haue patience yet .

Toma.

Oh talke not to mee of patience and you loue me , good Maister Rerage .

Rer.

Yet if all tongues goe right , hee did not vse you so wel as a man mought .

Toma.

Nay , that 's true indeed Maister Rerage , he nere vsd me so well as a woman might haue beene vsde , that 's certain in troth ta 's beene our greatest falling out sir , and though it be the part of a widdowe , to show her selfe a woman for her Husbands death , yet when I remember al his vnkindnesse , I cannot weepe a stroake yfaith Maister Rerage , and therefore wisely did a great widdow in this land , comfort vp another , goe too Lady ( quoth she ) leaue blubbering , thou thinkest vpon thy husbands good parts when thou sheddest teares , doe but remember how often hee ha's laine from thee , and how many naughtie slipperie turnes he has done thee , & thou wilt nere weepe for him I warrant thee — you would not thinke how that counsell ha's wrought with me Maister Rerage , I could not dispend another teare now , and you would giue me nere so much .

Rer.

Why I count you the wiser Widdowe , it showes you haue wisdome , when you can checke your passion , for mine owne part , I haue no sence to sorrowe for his death , whose life was the onely Rub to my affection .

Toma.

Troth and so it was to mine , but take courage now , you r'e a Landed Gentleman , & my Daughter is seauen hundred pound strong to ioyne with you .

Rer.

But Lethe lyes 'i th way .

Tomaz.

Let him lye still , You shall treade ore him or i le faile in will .

Rer.

Sweete widdowe .

Exeunt . Enter Quomodo like a Beadle . Quo.

What a beloude man did I liue ? my Seruants gall their fingers with ringing , my wiues cheeks smart with weeping , stand in euerie corner , you may take water in my house — but am not I a wise foole now ? what if my wife should take my death so to heart , that shee should sicken vppon 't , nay swone , nay dye ? when did I heare of a woman doe so , let mee see , — Now I remember me , I thinke t was before my Time ; yes , I haue heard of those wiues that haue wept , and sobd , and swound — marry I neuer heard but they recouered agen , that 's a confort la , that 's a comfort , & I hope so will mine — peace , t is nere vppon the time , I see , here comes the worshipful liuerie , I haue the Hospital Boyes , I perceiue little Tomazin will bestow cost of me , — I le listen to the common censure now , how the world tongues me when my eare lyes lowe .

Enter the Liuerie . 1. Liue.

Who Quomodo ? meerely enricht by shifts , And cousnages , beleeue it .

Quo. I see the world is verye loath to praise me , T is Rawlye friendes with me , I cannot blame it , For what I haue done , has beene to vexe and shame it . Heere comes my Sonne , the hope , the landed heyre , On t whose rare thrift , will say mens tongues you lye , I le keepe by lawe what was got craftily . Me thinkes I heare him say so : He does salute the liuerie with good grace , And solemne Gesture — Bead.

oh my yong Worshipful M. you haue parted from a deere Father , a wise and proui-dent father .

Sim.

Art thou growne an Asse now ?

Bead.

Such an honest Father —

Sim.

Prethee Beadle leaue thy lying , I am scarce able to endure thee yfaith , what honesty didst thou ere know by my Father speake , rule your tongue Beadle least I make you proue it , and then I knowe what will become of you , t is the scuruy scuruyest thing i' th earth to belye the dead so , and hee 's a beastly Sonne and heyre that wil stand by , and heare his father belyed to his face , hee will nere prosper I warrant him , Troth if I be not asham'd to goe to Church with him , I would I might be hang'd , I feare such filthye Tales goe on him , oh if I had knowne hee had beene such a lewde fellow in his life hee should nere haue kept me company .

Quo.

Oh — o — o !

Sim.

But I am glad hee 's gone , tho t were long first , Shortyard and I will reuell it yfaith , I haue made him my Rentgatherer alreadie .

Quo.

Hee shall bee speedilye disinherited , hee gettes not a foote , not the Crowne of a Mole-hill , i le sooner make a courtyer my heyre for teaching my wife trickes then thee , my moste neglectfull Sonne ? Oh now the coarse , I shall obserue yet farder .

A counterfet Coarse brought in , Tomazin , and al the mourners equally counterfeit . Quo.

O my moste modest , vertuous and remembring wife , she shall haue all when I dye , she shall haue all .

Enter Easie . Tom.

Maister Easie ? t is , oh what shift shall I make now ? oh —

Falls downe in a fayned swound . Quo.

Sweete wife she sownes , i le let her alone , i le haue no mercie at this time , i le not see her , i le follow the coarse .

Exit Eas:

The Deuill grinde thy Bones , thou cousning Rascal .

Moth.

Giue her a little more ayre , tilt vp her head , comfort thy selfe good widdowe , doe not fall like a Beast for a husband , there 's more then wee can well tell where to put e'm , good soule .

Tom.

Oh , I shall be well anon .

Moth.

Fye , you haue no patience yfaith , I haue buried foure Husbands , and neuer offered e'm such abuse .

Tom.

Couzen , how doe you ?

Eas.

Sorry to see you ill Couze .

Toma.

The worst is past I hope .

Pointing after the Coffin . Eas.

I hope so to .

Toma.

Lend me your hand sweet Couze I haue troubled you

Moth.

No trouble indeed forsooth — Good Couzen haue a care of her , comfort her vp as much as you can , and all little ynough I warrant yee .

Exeunt . Tomaz.

My moste sweete loue .

Eas.

My life is not so deere .

Toma.

I haue alwaies pittyed you .

Eas.

Y 'aue showne it heere . And giuen the desperate hope ?

Toma.

Delay not now , y 'aue vnderstood my loue , I haue a priest readye , this is the fittest season , no eye offends vs , Let this kisse Restore thee to more wealth , me to more blisse .

Eas.

The Angels haue prouided for me .

Finis Actus Quartus .

Incipit Quintus et Vltimus . Enter Shortyard with writings , hauing cousned Sim Quomodo . Short . I haue not Scope ynough within my brest , To keepe my ioyes containde : I 'me Quomodoes heire : the Lands assurances , and all are mine ( I haue tript his Sonnes heeles vp ) aboue the ground , His father left him : had I not encouragement ? Do not I knowe what proues the Fathers pray ? The Sonne nere lookes on 't , but it melts away . Doe not I knowe the wealth that 's got by fraude ? Slaue's share it like the ritches of a Bawde . Why t is a curse vnquenchable , nere cooles . Knaues still commit their consciences to fooles : And they betray who o'wde em , heere s all the bonds , All Easies writings , let me see : Enter Quomodoes Wife marryed to Easie . Toma.

Now my desires weare crownes .

Eas.

My ioyes exceede , Man is neere healthfull , till his follyes bleede .

Toma.

Oh , beholde the Villaine , who in all those shapes Confounded your estate .

Eas.

That slaue , that villaine .

Short .

So many Acres of good meadowe —

Eas.

Rascall .

Sho.

I heare you sir .

Eas.

Rogue , Shortyard , Blastfield , Serjeant , Deputy , cousner

Sho.

Holde , holde .

Eas.

I thirst the execution of his eares .

Toma.

Hate you that office ,

Easi.

I le strip him bare for punishment and shame .

Sho.

Why doe but heare me sir , you will not thinke what I haue done for you .

Eas.

Giuen his Sonne my Lands .

Sho. Why looke you , t is not so , your not tolde true , I haue Coosned him agen meerely for you , Meerely for you sir , t was my meaning then That you should wed her , and haue all agen .

A my troth 'it s true sir : looke you then heere sir , you shall not misse a little scrowle sir , pray sir , let not the Cittie knowe me for a knaue , there be ritcher men would enuie my preferment if I should be knowne before e'm .

Eas. Villaine , my hate to more reuenge is drawne , When slaues are found , t is their base Arte to fawne , Within there — . Sho.

How now ? fresh warders .

Eas.

This is the other , binde him fast , haue I found you Maister Blastfield .

Sho. This is the fruite of Craft , Like him that shootes vp hye , lookes for the shaft And findes it in his fore-head , so does hit The Arrowe of our fate , wit destroyes wit : The head the bodyes bane , and his owne beares , You hae Corne enough , you neede not reape mine eares , Sweete Maister Blastfield . Eas.

I loath his voice , away .

Exit . Toma.

What happynesse was heere , but are you sure you haue all ?

Eas.

I hope so my sweete wife .

Tom.

What difference there is in Husbands , not onelye in one thing , but in all .

Eas.

Heere s good deedes and bad deedes , the writings that keep my lands to me , and the bonds that gaue it away from me .

These my good deedes shall to more safetie turne , And these my bad haue their desarts and burne . I le see thee agen presently , reade there . Toma.

Did he want all , who would not loue his care ?

Enter Quomodo . Quo.

What a wife hast thou Ephestian — Quomodo , so louing so mindefull of her duetye not onely seene to weep but knowne to swone , I knew a Widdow about Saint Antlings so forgetfull of hir first Husband , that she marryed agen within the tweluemonth , nay some berladye within the month : there were sights to be seen , had they my wiues true sorrows seauen nor seauen yeares would drawe e'm to the stake , I would moste tradesmen had such a wife as I , they hope they haue , wee must all hope the best : thus in her honour .

A modest wife is such a Iewell , Euerie Gold-smith cannot show it : He that 's honest , and not cruell , Is the likelyest man to owe it .

And that 's I , I made it by my selfe , and comming to her as a Beadle for my reward this morning , i le see how shee takes my death next her heart .

Toma.

Now Beadle .

Quo.

Blesse your mistrisships eyes from too many teares , Although you haue lost a wise and worshipfull Gentleman .

Toma.

You come for your due Beadle , heere 'i th house .

Quo.

Most certaine , the Hospitall money and mine owne poore forty pence .

Toma.

I must craue a discharge from you Beadle .

Quo.

Call your man , i le heartilye see my hand to a Memorandum .

Toma.

You deale the truel yer .

Quo.

Good wench still .

Toma.

George , heere is the Beadle come for his money , draw a Memorandum that he has receiued all his due he can claim heere i th house after this funerall .

Quo.

What politick directions shee giues him , all to secure her selfe , t is time yfaith now to pitty her , i le discouer my selfe to her ere I goe , but came it off with some liuely iest now , that were admyrable : I haue it ? after the memorandum is written and all , i le set my owne name too 't Ephestian Quomodo , shee le start , shee le wonder how Ephest . Quomodo came hither that was buried yesterday : y' are beset little Quomodo .

Tom.

Ninteene , twentie fiue pound , 1 , 2 , 3 , & 4. d.

Quo.

So , we shall haue good sport , when t is read :

Eas.

How now Ladie , paying away money so fast ?

Tom.

The Beadle s due here sir

Quo.

Whose ? t is Easie , what makes Easie in my house , Hee is not my wiues ouer seer I hope :

Eas.

What s here ?

Quo.

He makes me sweate .

Eas.

Memorandum that I haue receiued of Richard Easie , all my due I can claime here i' th house or any hereafter for me : In witnesse whereof , I haue set to mine owne hand , Ephestian Qommodo .

Quo.

What haue I done ? was I mad ?

Eas.

Ephestian Quomodo .

Quo.

I , well , what then sir ? get you out of my house , First you maister Prodigall had land , away .

Tom.

What is the Beadle drunke or mad ? Where are my men to thrust him out a doores .

Quo.

Not so good Tomazin not so .

Tom.

This fellow must be whipt .

Quo.

Thanke you good wife .

Eas.

I can no longer beare him .

Tom.

Nay sweete husband .

Quo.

Husband I me vndone , beggard , couzend , confounded for euer : married alreadie ? will it please you knowe mee now mistris Harlot , and master Horner , who am I now ?

Tom.

Oh , hee 's as like my tother husband as can be .

Quo.

I le haue iudgement , i le bring you before a Iudge , you shall feele wife whether my flesh be dead or no , i le tickle you yfaith , yfaith .

Exit . Tom.

The Iudge that hee le solicite knowes me well .

Eas.

Let s on then , and our greeuances first tell .

Exeunt . Enter Lethe with officers , taken with his Harlot . Rer.

Here they come .

Sus.

O where .

Let. Hart of shame , vpon my wedding morning so disgracd ! Haue you so little conscience Officers , You will not take a bribe ? Cur.

Master Lethe we may lie together lawfully hereafter , for we are coupled together before people ynow yfaith .

Rer.

There goes the strumpet .

Sus. Pardon my wilfull blindnesse and enioy me . For now the difference appeares too plaine , Betwixt a base slaue and a true Gentleman . Rer. I doe embrace thee in the best of loue , How soone affections fail , how soone they proue . Enter Iudge , Easie , and Tomazin in talke with him . Iud. His cousnages are odious , he the plaintife , Not onely framde deceitfull in his life , But so to mocke his funerall . Eas. Most iust . The Liuerie all assembled , mourning weedes , Throughout his house een down to his last seruant The Herauld richly hirde to lend him Armes , Faind from his Auncestors , which I dare sweare knewe no other Armes but those they labour'd with , All preparations furnisht , nothing wanted Saue that which was the cause of all , his death , If he be liuing . Iudg.

T was an impious part .

Eas. We are not certaine yet it is himselfe , But some false spirit that assumes his shape , And seekes still to deceiue mee . Quo.

Oh are you come ? my Lord ? their here , good morrow Tomazin .

Iudg.

Now what are you ?

Quo. I am Quomodo my Lord , & this my wife , Those my two men , that are bound wrongfully . Iud.

How are we sure y' are he ?

Quo.

Oh you cannot misse my Lord .

Iud.

I le trie you . Are you the man that liu'd the famous cousner ?

Quo.

O no my Lord .

Iud. Did you deceiue this Gentleman of his right , And laid Nets ore his land ? Quo.

Not I my Lord .

Iud. Then y' are not Quomodo but a counterfet , Lay hands on him , and beare him to the whip . Quo.

Stay , stay a little I pray , now I remember me my Lord , I cousned him indeed , t is wondrous true .

Iud. Then I dare sweare this is no counterfet . Let all doubts cease this man is Quomodo . Quo.

Why la you now , you would not beleeue this , I am found what I am .

Iud. But setting these thy odious shifts apart , Why did that thought prophane , enter thy brest , To mocke the world with thy supposed death ? Quo.

Conceiue you not that my Lord ? a policy .

Iud.

So .

Quo. For hauing gotten the lands I thirsted still , To know what fate would follow 'em . Iud.

Being ill got .

Quo.

Your Lorpship apprehends me .

Iud.

I thinke I shall anon .

Quo. And thereupon , I out of policie possest my sonne , Which since I haue found lewd , and now intend To disinherit him for euer , Not onely this was in my death set downe , But thereby a firme triall of my wife , Her constant sorrowes , her remembring vertues , All which are Dewes , the shine of a next morning dries 'em vp all I see 't . Iud. Did you professe wise cousenage , and would dare To put a woman to her two dayes choice , When of a minute do's it ? Quo. Lesse , a moment The twinckling of an eye , a glimpse , scarce somthing do's it , Your Lordship yet will graunt she is my wife . Tom.

O heauen !

Iud. After some penance , and the Deues of law I must acknowledge that . Quo. I scarce like Those Deues of lawe . Eas. My Lord , altho the law too gently lot his wife , The wealth he left behind he cannot chalenge . Quo.

How ?

Eas.

Behold his hand against it .

Quo.

He do's deuize all meanes to make mee mad , that I may no more lie with my wife in perfect memorie , I know 't but yet the landes will maintaine me in my wits : the lande will doe so much for mee .

Iudg. In witnesse whereof I haue set to mine owne hand , Ephestian Quomodo . T is firme enough your owne sir . Quo.

A iest my Lord , I did I knew not what .

Iud. It should seeme so , deceit is her owne foe Craftily gets , and childishly le ts goe . But yet the lands are his . Quo.

I , warrant yee .

Eas.

No my good Lord , the lands know the right heire , I am their master once more .

Quo.

Haue you the lands ?

Eas.

Yes truly I praise heauen .

Quo.

Is this good dealing ? are there such consciences abroad , how ? which way could he come by 'em ?

Sho. My Lord i le quickly resolue you that it comes to me This cousner whom too long I call'd my patrone , To my thought dying , and the foole his sonne Possest of all , which my braine partly sweat for , I held it my best vertue , by a plot To get from him what for him was ill got . Quo.

O beastly Shortyard !

Sho. When no sooner mine , But I was glad more quickly to resigne . Iud.

Craft once discouer'd shewes her abiect line .

Quo. He hits me euery where , for craft once knowne , Do's teach fooles wit , leaues the deceiuer none . My deedes haue cleft me , cleft me . Enter Officers with Lethe and the Harlot . 1. Off.

Roome there .

Quo. A little yet to raise my spirit . Here maister Lethe comes to wed my Daughter . That 's all the ioy is left me : ha ? who 's this ? Iudge .

What crimes haue those brought foorth ?

Gent. The shame of lust , Most viciously on this his wedding morning , This man was ceazde in shame with that bolde Strumpet . Iudge .

Why , t is she he meanes to marrye .

Leth.

No in truth .

Iudge . In truth you doe . Who for his wife his Harlot doth preferre , Good reason t is , that he should marrie her . Curt.

I craue it on my knees , such was his vowe at first ,

Pand. I le say so too And worke out mine owne safetie , Such was his vowe at first , indeede my Lord , How ere his moode has chang'd him ? Leth.

O vilde slaue !

Curt.

He sayes it true my Lord ,

Iud. Rest content , He shall both marrie and taste punishment . Leth.

Oh intollerable ! I beseech your good Lordship if I must haue an outward punishment , let me not marrie an inward , whose lastes will nere out , but growe worse and worse : I haue a wife staies for me this morning with seauen hundred pound in her pursse , let me be speedily whipt and be gone , I beseech your Lordship .

Gent. Hee speakes no truth my Lord , behold the Virgin , Wife to a well esteemed Gentleman , Loathing the Sin he followes . Leth.

I was betrayed , yes faith .

Rer. His owne Mother my Lord , Which hee confest through ignorance , and disdaine , His name so chang'd to abuse the world and her . Let.

Marry a Harlot , why not ? t is an honest mans fortune , I pray did not one of my Countriemen marrye my Sister ? why well then , if none should be marryed but those that are honest where should a man seeke a wife after Christmas ? I pitty that Gentleman , that has nine Daughters to bestowe , and seauen of e'm Seeded already , they wil be good stuffe by that time , I doe beseech your Lordship to remoue the punishment , I am content to marrie her .

Iudge .

There 's no remouing of your punishment .

Leth.

O good my Lord .

Iudge . Vnlesse one heere assembled Whom you haue most vnnaturally abusde , beget your pardon . Leth. Who should that be ? Or who would doo te , that has beene so abusde ? A troublesome pennance — sir . Quo.

Knaue in your face , leaue your mocking , Andrew , marrie your Qeane and be quiet .

Leth.

Maister Easie .

Eas.

I 'me sorrie you take such a bad course sir .

Leth.

Maister Quomodo .

Toma.

Enquire my right name agen next time , now goe your waies like an Asse as you came .

Leth.

Masse I forget my mother all this while , I le make her doo 't at first , pray mother your blessing for once .

Moth.

Calst me Mother ? out , I defie thee slaue .

Leth.

Call me slaue as much as you will , but doe not shame me now , let the world knowe you are my Mother .

Moth.

Let me not haue this Villaine put vpon me I beseech your Lordship .

Iudg. Hee 's iustly curst , she loathes to know him now , Whome he before did as much loath to knowe , Wilt thou beleeue me woman ? Moth.

That 's soone done .

Iudge .

Then knowe him for a Villaine , t is thy Sonne ,

Moth.

Art thou Andrew my wicked Sonne Andrew ?

Leth.

You would not beleeue me Mother .

Moth.

How art thou chang'd ? Is this sute fit for thee ? a Tooth-drawers Sonne , this countrie has ee'ne spoilde thee since thou camst heather , thy manners better then thy cloathes , but now whole cloathes and ragged manners , it may well be saide that truth goes naked , for when thou hadst scarce a shirt thou hadst more truth about thee .

Iudg. Thou art thine owne affliction Quomodo : Shortyard we banish , t is our pleasure . Sho.

Hence foorth no woman shall complaine for measure .

Iudg. And that all Error from our workes may stand , We bannish Falslight euermore the land .

FINIS