The World Tossed at Tennis

A COVRTLY MASQVE . Enter Soldier , and Scholler . Scholler .

SOldier , ta-ra-ra-ra-ra . How is t ? thou lookst as if thou hadst lost a field to day .

Sold.

No , but I haue lost a day i th field : if you take me a maunding but where I am commanding , let vm shew me the house of correction .

Sch.

Why , thou wert not maunding , wert thou ? there 's martiall danger in that , beleeue it .

Sold.

No sir , but I was bold to shew my selfe to some of my old and familiar acquaintance ; but being disguis'd with my wants , there 's no body knew me .

Sch.

Faith , and that 's the worst disguise a man can walke in ; thou wert better haue appeard drunke in good cloathes , much better : there 's no superfluities shame a man ; as to be ouer-braue , ouer-bold , ouer-swearing , ouer-lying , ouer-whoring , these adde still to his repute ; 't is the poore indigence , the want , the lanke deficiencie ; as when a man cannot be braue , dares not be bold , is afraid to sweare , wants maintenance for a lye , and money to giue a whore a supper : this is pauper , cuius modicum non satis est ; nay , hee shall neuer be rich with begging neither , which is another wonder ; because many beggers are rich .

Sold.

Oh Cauina Facundia ! this dog-eloquence of thine wil make thee somewhat one day , Scholler ; couldst thou turne but this prose into rime , there were a pittifull liuing to bee pickt out of it .

Sch.

I could make Ballads for a need .

Sold.

Very well sir ; and I le warrant thee thou shalt neuer want subiect to write of : One hangs himselfe to day , another drownes himselfe to morrow , a Serieant stabd next day , heere a Petti-fogger a th' Pillory , a Bawd in the Carts nose , and a Pander in the taile : Hic Mulier , Haec Vir , Fashions , Fictions , Fellonies , Fooleries , a hundred hauens has the Ballad-monger to traffique at , and new ones still daily discouered .

Sch.

Prethee Soldier , no further this way , I participate more of Heraclitus then Democritus , I could rather weepe the sinnes of the people then sing vm .

Sold.

Shall I set thee downe a course to liue ?

Sch.

Faith , a coorse liuing I thinke must serue my turne ; but why hast thou not found out thine owne yet ?

Sold. Tush , that s resolu'd on , beg ; when there 's vse for me , I shall bee braue agen , hugg'd , and belou'd : Wee are like Winter garments , in the height And hot blood-of Summer , put off , throwne by For moths-meate , neuer so much as thought on , Till the Drum strikes vp stormes agen ; and then , Come , my well-lin'd Soldier , ( with valour , Not Valure ) keepe me warme ; Oh , I loue thee ; Wee shall bee trim'd and very well brusht then : If wee be fac'd with Fur , 't is tolerable ; For we may pillage then and steale our prey , And not bee hangd for 't ; when the least fingring In peacefull Summer choakes vs : A Soldier , At the best , is euen but the forlorne hope Vnto his Country , sent desperately out And neuer more expected : if he come , Peace's warre , perhaps , the Law prouidently Has prouided for him , some house or lands May be suspenc't in wrangling controuersie And hee bee hir'd to keepe possession : For there may be swords drawne , he may become The abiect second to some stinking Bayly ; Oh , let him serue the Poxe first , and dye a Gentleman . Come , I know my ends , but would faine prouide for thee : Canst thou make ? Sch.

What ? I haue no handicraft , man .

Sold. Cuckolds , make Cuckolds , 't is a pretty trade In a peacefull Citty ; 't is womens worke , man , And they are good pay-masters . Sch. I dare not : 'T is a worke of super-errogation , and the Church forbids it . Sold. Prethee , what 's Latine for a Cuckold , Scholler ? I could neuer learne yet . Sch.

Faith , the Latines haue no proper word for it , that euer I read ; Homo , I take it , is the best ,

Because it is a common name to all men .

Sold. Y' are mad fellowes you Schollers ; I am perswaded , Were I a Scholler now , I could not want . Sch. Euery man 's most capable of his owne griefe . A Scholler said you ? why there are none now a dayes : Were you Turrian Scholler , you 'd bee a singular fellow . Sold.

How no Schollers ! What 's become of vm all ?

Sch. I le make it proofe from your experience : A Commander's a Commander , Captaine , Captaine ; But , hauing no Soldiers , where 's the command ? Such are wee , all Doctors , no Disciples now ; Euery man 's his owne teacher , none learnes of others : You haue not heard of our Mechanick Rabbies , That shall dispute in their owne tongues backward and forward , With all the learned Fathers of the Iewes ? Sold.

Mechanick Rabbies ! what might those be !

Sch. I le shew you sir , ( and they are men are daily to be scene ) There 's Rabbi Iob , a venerable Silkeweauer , Iehu , a Throester , dwelling i th Spittle fields ; There s Rabbi Abimelech , a learned Cobler , Rabbi Lazarus , a superstichious Taylor : These shall hold vp their Shittles , Needles , Awles , Against the grauest Leuite of the Land , And giue no ground neither . Sould. That I beleeue , They haue no ground for any thing they doe . Schol. You vnderstand right : and these men by practique Haue got the Theorie of all the Arts At their fingers ends , and in that they 'le liue ; How ere they 'le dye , I know not : for they change dayly . Sould. This is strange , How come they to attaine this knowledge ? Schol. As Boyes learne Arithmetique , practise with Counters To reckon summes of siluer : so with their Tooles They come to Grammar , Logick , Rhetorique And all the Sciences ; as for example , The deuout Weauer sits within his Loome , And thus hee makes a learned Syllogisme : His Woofe the Maior , and his Warpe the Minor . His Shittle then the braine , and firme conclusion , Makes him a piece of Stuffe , that Aristotle , Ramus , nor all the Logicians can take a pieces . Sould.

This has some likelihood .

Schol. So likewise by His deepe instructiue and his mistick tooles , The Taylor comes to be Rhetoricall , First , on the spred Veluet , Sattin , Stuffe , or Cloth , He chalkes out a circumferent Paraphrase , That goes about the bush where the Thiefe stands . Then comes his Sheeres in shape of an Eclypsis , And takes away the t'others too long tayle : By his Needle he vnderstands Ironia , That with one eye lookes two wayes at once : Metonymia euer at his fingers ends . Some call his Pickadell , Synecdoche : But I thinke rather that should be his Yard Being but Pars pro toto , and by Metaphor All know , the Selleridge vnder the shop-boord , He cals his Hell , not that it is a place Of Spirits abode , but that from that Abysse Is no recouery or redemption To any owners hand what euer falls . I could runne further , wer 't not tedious , And place the stiffe-toed Cobler in his forme : But let them mend themselues , for yet all 's naught : They now learne onely neuer to be taught . Sould.

Let them alone ; How shall we learne to liue ?

Schol. Without booke is most perfect , for with 'vm We shall hardly : thou maist keepe a Fence-Schoole , 't is a Noble Science . Sould. I had rather be i th Crowne Office : Thou maist keepe Schoole too , and doe good seruice To bring vp children for the next age better . Schol.

'T is a poore liuing that s pickt out of boyes buttocks .

Schol.

'T is somewhat better then the night-Farmer yet .

Musique . Pallas descends .

Harke , What sounds are these ?

Schol. Ha ? There s somewhat more , There is in sight a glorious presence , A presence more then humane . Sould.

An amazing one , Scholler ; if euer thou couldst coniure , speake now .

Schol. In name of all the Deities , what art thou ? Thy shine is more then Sub-celestiall , 'T is at the least heauenly Angelicall . Pall.

A Patronesse vnto ye both , yee ignorant and vndeseruing Fauorites of my Fame ; You are a Souldier ?

Sould. Since these armes could weild Armes I haue profest it , brightest Deitie . Pall.

To thee I am Bellona : you are a Scholler ?

Schol. In that poore Pilgrimage ( since I could goe ) I hitherto haue walkt . Pall. To thee I am Minerua , Pallas to both , Goddesse of Arts and Armes , Of Armes and Arts , for neither haue precedence , For hee 's the complete man partakes of both , The soule of Arts ioyn'd with the flesh of valour ; And he alone participates with me . Thou art no Souldier vnlesse a Scholler , Nor thou a Scholler vnlesse a Souldier . Ye ' aue Noble breedings both , worthy Foundations , And will ye build vp rotten Battlements On such faire groundsels ? That will ruine all : Lay Wisedome on thy Valour , on thy Wisedome , Valour ; For these are mutuall co-incidents , What seekes the Souldier ? Sould.

My maintenance .

Pall. Lay by thine Armes and take the Citie then . There s the full Cup and Cap of maintenance ; And your griefe is want too ? Schol.

I want all but griefe .

Pall. No : you want most , what most you doe professe . Where read you to bee rich was happiest ? He had no bay from Phoebus , nor from me That e're wrote so , no Minerua in him , My Priests haue taught , that pouertie is safe , Sweet and secure : for nature giues man nothing At his birth . When life and earth are wedded , There 's neither Bason held nor Dowry giuen , At parting nor is any garner stor'd , Wardrope or Warehouse kept for their returne : Wherefore shall then man count his Myriade's Of gold and siluer Idols : since thrifty Nature Will nothing lend but she will haue 't agen , And life and labour for her interest ? My Priests doe teach , Seek thou thy selfe within , Make thy minde wealthy , thy knowing conscience , And those shall keepe thee company from hence . Or would you wish to emulate the gods , Liue ( as you may imagine ) carelesse and free , With ioyes and pleasures crown'd , and those eternall , This were to ( farre ) exceede 'vm : for while earth lasts The Deities themselues abate their fulnesse , Troubled with cryes of ne're contented man : Man then to seeke and finde it , all that hope Fled when Pandora's Fatall box flew ope . Sould. Diuine Lady , there s yet a competence Which we come short off . Pall. That may as well be caus'd From your owne negligence , as our slowe blessings : But I 'le preferre you to a greater power , Euen Iupiter himselfe , Father and King of Gods , With whom I may well ioyne in iust complaint : These latter Ages haue dispoil'd my Fame . Minerua's Altars are all ruin'd now . I had along ador'd Paladium . Offerings and Incense fuming on my shrine ; Rome held me deare , and old Troy gaue me worship , All Greece renown'd me , till the Ida prize Ioynd me with wrathfull Iuno to destroy 'vm , ( For we are better ruin'd , then prophan'd . ) Now let the latter ages count the gaines They got by wanton Venus sacrifice , But I 'le inuoke great Iupiter . Schol. Doe , Goddesse : And re-erect the ruines of thy Fame For Poesie can doe it . Pall. Altitonant Imperiall crown'd , and thunder-armed Ioue , Vnfold thy fierie Vaile , the flaming Robe And superficies of thy better brightnesse , Descend from thine Orbicular Chariot , Listen the plaints of thy poore Votaries , 'T is Pallas calls , thy Daughter , Iupiter , Tane from thee by the Lemnian Mulciber , A Midwife god to the deliuerie Of thy most Sacred fertill teeming braine . Musique . Iupiter descends . Harke , these sounds proclaime his willing sweet descent , If not full blessings , expect some content . Iup.

What would our Daughter ?

Pall. Iust-iudging Ioue , I meditate the suite of humble mortals , By whose large Scepter all their Fates are swayd , Aduerse or auspicious . Iup. T is more then Iupiter Can doe to please 'vm , vnsatisfied man Has in his ends no end , not hels Abysse Is deeper gulf'd then greedy Auarice , Ambition findes no Mountaine high enough , For his aspiring Foote to stand vpon . One drinkes out all his blessings into surfets , Another throwes vm out as all were his , And the Gods bound for prodigall supply , What is hee liues content in any kinde ? That long incensed nature is now ready To turne all backe into the fruitlesse Chaos . Pall. These are two noble Vertues ( my dread Syre ) Both Arts and Armes well-wishers vnto Pallas . Iup. How can it be , but they haue both abus'd , And would ( for their ills ) make our Iustice guiltie ? Shew them their shames , Minerua : what the yong world In her vnstable youth did then produce : She should grow grauer now , more sage , more wise , Know Concord , and the harmony of goodnesse : But if her old age strike with harsher notes , We may then thinke she is too old , and dotes , Strike by white Art , a Theomanticke power , Magick Diuine , not the Diuels horror , But the delicious Musique of the Spheares , The thrice three Worthies summon back to life : There let vm see what artes and Armes commixt ( For they had both ) did in the worlds broad face Those that did propagate and beget their fames , And ( for posteritie ) left lasting names . Pall.

I shall , great Iupiter .

Musique and this Song as an Inuocation to the nine Muses ; ( who in the time ) are discouer'd on the vpper Stage , plac'd by the nine Worthies , and toward the conclusion descend , each one led by a Muse , the most proper and pertinent to the person of the Worthy , as Therpsichore with Dauid ; Vrania , with Ioshua , &c.

After the Song Pallas describes them : Then daunce and Exeunt .

The first SONG . MVSES , Vsher in those states , And amongst 'vm choose your mates , There wants not one , nor one to spare , For thrice three , both your numbers are . Learnings Mistris , faire Caliope , Loude Euterpe , sweet Therpsichore , Soft Thalia , sad Melpomine , Pleasant Clio , large Eratho , High aspiring eyde Vrania , Hony-lingued Polihymnia ; Leaue awhile your Thespian Springs , And vsher in those more then Kings : We call them Worthies , 't is their due , Though long time dead , still liue by you . Enter at the three seuerall doores , the nine Worthies , three after three , whom ( as they enter ) PALLAS describes . Pall. These three were Hebrewes , This Noble Duke was he , at whose command Hiperion rein'd his fierie Coursers in , And fixed stood ouer Mount Gilboa , This Mattathias sonne , the Macchabee , Vnder whose arme no lesse then Worthies fell . This the most sweet and sacred Psalmograph , These of another sort , of much lesse knowledge , Little lesse valour , a Macedonian borne , Whom afterwards the world could scarcely beare , For his great weight in Conquest , this Troy's best souldiour ; This Romes first Caesar ; these three of latter times , And to the present more familiar . Great Charles of France , and the braue Bulloine Duke , And this is Brittaines glory , King'd thirteene times . Ye 'aue faire aspects , more to expresse Ioues power , Shew you haue motion for a Iouiall houre . The Worthies Daunce ; and Exeunt . Iup.

Were not these presidents for all future ages ?

Schol. But none attaines their glories ( King of Starres : ) These are the fames are follow'd , and pursu'd , But neuer ouertaken . Iup. The Fates below , The gods armes are not shorten'd , nor doe we shine With fainter influence ; who conquers now , Makes it his Tyrants Prize , and not his Honors , Abusing all the blessings of the gods . Learnings and Arts are Theories , no practiques ; To vnderstand is all they studie too : Men striue to know too much , too little doe . Enter Time . Sould. Plaints are not ours alone ( great Iupiter . ) See , Time himselfe comes weeping . Time . Who ha's more cause ? Who more wrong'd then Time ? Time passes all men With a regardlesse eye , at best , the worst Expect him with a greedy appetite . The landed Lord lookes for his Quarter day , The big-bellied Vsurer for his teeming gold That brings him forth the child of Interest : He that beyond the bounds of heauens large blessing , Hath made a fruitlesse creature to increase : Dull earthen Minerals to propagate , These onely doe expect and entertaine me : But ( being come ) they bend their plodding heads , And while they count their baggs , they let me passe , Yet instant wish me come about agen . Would Time deserue their thankes , or Ioue their praise , He must turne Time onely to Quarter dayes . Oh , but my wrongs they are innumerable ! The Lawyer driues me off from Terme to Terme , Bids me ( and I doo 't ) bring forth my Alathae My poore child Truth , he sees , and will not see her : What I could manifest in one cleere day , He still delayes a cloudy Iubile . The Prodigall wastes , and makes me sick with surfets : The Drunkard ( strong in Wine ) trips vp my heeles , And sets me topsie-turuy , on my head , Waking my silent passage in the night With Reuels , noise , and Thunder-clapping oathes , And snorting on my bright Meridian , And when they thinke I passe too slowly by : They haue a new-found vapour to expell me , They smoke me out : aske vm but why they doo 't , And he that worst can speake , yet this can say , I take this whiffe to driue the Time away . Oh , but the worst of all , women doe hate me : I cannot set impression on their checkes With all my circular houres , dayes , months , and yeeres , But 't is wip'd off with glosse and pensilrie , Nothing so hatefull , as gray haires and Time ; Rather no haire at all ; 't is sinnes Autumne now : For those faire Trees that were more fairer cropt , Or they fall of themselues , or will be lopt : Euen Time it selfe ( to number all his griefes ) Would waste himselfe vnto his ending date : How many would eternitie wish heere , And that the Sunne , and Time , and Age might stand And leaue their Annuall distinction , That nature were bed-rid , all motion sleepe ? Time hauing then such foes , ha's cause to weepe . Redresse it Iupiter . Exit Time . Iup. I tell thee , glorious Daughter : and you things Shut vp in wretchednesse , the world knew once His age of happinesse ; blessed times ownde him , Till those two vgly ills , Deceit , and Pride , Made it a perisht substance : Pride brought in Forgetfulnesse of goodnesse , Merit , Vertue , And plac'd ridiculous Officers in life ; Vaine-glory , Fashion , Humour , and such toyes That shame to be produc'd . The phrenzie of Apparell , that 's runne mad , And knowes not where to settle Masculine painting ; And the fiue Starches , mocking the fiue Sences , All in their diff'rent and ridiculous colours , Which for their apish and fantastique follies , I summon to make odious , and will fit vm With flames of their owne colours .

Musicke striking vp a light fantasticke Ayre , those 5. Starches afore summon'd come dancing in , and after a ridiculous Straine , White-Starch challenging precedency , standing vpon her right by Antiquity , out of her iust anger presents their pride to vm .

These 5. Starches , White , Blue , Yellow , Greene and Red , all properly habited to expresse their affected colours .

Enter the fiue Starches . White-Starch . What , no respect amongst you ? must I wake you In your forgetfull duties ? iet before me ? Take place of me ? you rude presumptuous gossip : 'Pray who am I ? not I the primitiue Starch ? You blew-eyde Frokin , lookes like fire and brimstone ; You Cawdle-colour , much of the complexion Of high Shroue-Tuesday Batter , yallow-hammer : And you my Tanzy face , that shewes like Pride , Seru'd vp in Sorrill sops , greene Sicknesse baggage : And last , thou Red Starch , that wear'st all thy blushes Vnder thy cheekes , looks like a strangled Moone calfe , With all thy bloud settled about thy necke , The Ensigne of thy shame , if thou hadst any ; Know , I 'me Starch Protestant , thou Starch Puritane With the blew nostrill , whose tongue lies i' thy nose . Blew Star .

Wicked interpretation !

Yell. Star . I ha known a white-fac't hyppocrite , Lady Sanctity , A Yellow ne'r came neere her , and sh 'as beene A Citizens wife too , starcht like Innocence ; But the Diuels pranks not vglier : In her minde Weares Yellow , huggs it , if her husbands trade Could beare it , there 's the spite : but since she cannot Weare her owne linnen Yellow ; yet she shewes Her loue too 't , and makes him weare Yellow hose . I am as stiffe i' my opinion As any Starch amongst you . Green . Star .

I , as you .

Red Star .

And I as any .

Blew Star .

I scorne to come behinde .

Yell Star . Then conclude thus : When all mens seuerall censures , all the Arguments The world can bring vpon vs , are applyde ; The sinne 's not i' the colour , but the pride . All .

Oracle Yellow :

The Straches Dance , and Exeunt . Iup. These are the youngest Daughters of deceit , With which the precious time of life 's beguil'd , Fool'd , and abus'd ; I le shew you straight their Father , His shapes , his labours , that has vext the world From age to age , and tost it from his first and simple state , To the foule Center where it now abides ; Looke back but into Times , heere shall be showne , How many strange Remooues the world has knowne . Musicke . Loud Musicke sounding , Iupiter leaues his State ; and to shew the strange Remoues of the World , places the Orbe , whose figure it beares , in the midst of the Stage : to whom Simplicity , by order of time , has first accesse . Enter Simplicity . Pall.

Who 's this , great Iupiter ?

Iup.

Simplicity : hee that had first possession ; one that stumbled vpon the world , and neuer minded it .

Simpl.

Hah , hah ! I le goe see how the World lookes since I stept aside from 't , there 's such heauing and shouing about it , such toyling and moyling ; now I stumbled vpon 't when I least thought on 't .

Takes vp the Orbe .

'Vds me , 't is alterd of one side since I left it : hah , there 's a Milke-maid got with childe since , me thinks ; what , and a Shepheard forsworne himselfe ? heere 's a foule corner : by this light , Subtilty has laid an egge too , and will go nye to hatch a Lawyer ; this was well foreseen : I le marre the fashion on 't ; so , the egg 's broke , and 't as a yolke as black as buckrom : What s heere a this side ? Oh , a dainty world ; heere 's one a sealing with his tooth , and poore man hee has but one in all , I was affraid hee would haue left it vpon the paper , hee was so honestly earnest ; heere are the Reapers singing : I le lay mine eare to 'em :

Enter Deceit like a Ranger . Decei. Yonder 's Simplicity whom I hate deadly , H 'as held the world too long ; hee 's but a foole , A toy will coozen him : if I once fasten on 't , I le make it such a Nurcery for Hell , Planting black Soules in 't , it shall ne'r be fit For honesty to set her simples in . Simpl. Whop ! Heere 's the coozningst Rascall in a Kingdome , The Master villaine , h 'as the thunders property , For if he come but neere the Haruest folkes , His breath 's so strong , that he sowres all their bottles ,

If hee should but blow vpon the world now , the staine would neuer get out agen : I warrant , if hee were ript , one might finde a swarme of Vsurers in his liuer , a cluster of Scriueners in his kidneys , and his very puddings stuft with Bayliffes .

Decei.

I must speake faire to the Foole .

Simpl.

He makes more neere me .

Decei. Lasse , who has put that load ? that carriage On poore Simplicity ? had they no mercy ? Pretty , kind , louing worme ; come , let me helpe it . Simpl.

Keepe off , and leaue your cogging ; foh , how abominably he smells of controuersies , Schismes and Factions ! me thinkes , I smell forty Religions together in him , and ne'r a good one ; — his eyes looke like false lights , coozening trap-windowes .

Decei. The world , sweet heart , is full of cares and troubles , No match for thee , thou art a tender thing , A harmelesse quiet thing , a gentle foole , Fit for the fellowship of Ewes and Rammes : Goe , take thine ease and pipe ; giue me the burthen , The clog , the torment , the heart-breake , the world ; Heere 's for thee , Lambe , a dainty Oaten Pipe . Simpl.

Poxe a your pipe ; if I should dance after your pipe , I should soone dance to the Diuell .

Decei. I thinke , some serpent sure has lickt him ouer , And giuen him only craft enough to keepe , And go no farther with him ; all the rest Is innocence about him , truth and bluntnesse . I must seeke other course ; for I haue learn'd Of my Infernall Sire , not to be lazy , Faint or discourag'd at the tenth repulse : Me thinks that world Simplicity now huggs fast , Do's looke as if 't should be Deceit's at last . Exit . Simpl.

So , so , I 'me glad hee s vanisht : me thought I had much adoe to keep my selfe from a smatch of knauery , as long as he stood by me ; for certainly villany is infectious , and in the greater person the greater poyson : as for example , hee that takes but the tich of a Citizen , may take the scab of a Courtier . Harke , the Reapers begin to sing , they 'r come neerer me thinks too .

The second SONG . HAppy times wee liue to see , Whose Master is Simplicity : This is the age where blessings flow , In ioy we reape , in peace wee sow ; Wee doe good deeds without delay , Wee promise and wee keepe our day , Wee loue for vertue , not for wealth , Wee drinke no healths , but all for health , Wee sing , wee dance , wee pipe , wee play , Our work 's continuall Holiday , Wee liue in poore contented sort , Yet neither beg , nor come at Court , Simpl.

These Reapers haue the merriest liues , they haue musicke to all they doe ; they 'l sow with a Tabor , and get Children with a Pipe .

Enter King and Deceit . Decei. Sir , hee 's a foole , the world belongs to you , Y' are mighty in your worth and your command , You know to gouerne , forme , make lawes , and take Their sweet and precious penalty , it befits A mightinesse like yours , the world was made For such a Lord as you , so absolute A Maiesty in all Princely noblenes As your selfe is ; but to lye vse-lesse now , Rusty or lazy in a Fooles preheminence , It is not for a glorious worth to suffer . King .

Thou 'st said enough .

Decei.

Now my hope ripens fairely .

Simpl. Heer 's a braue glistring Thing looks me i th' face , I know not what to say too 't . Kin.

What 's thy name ?

Sim.

You may read it in my lookes : Simplicity .

Kin. What mak'st thou with so great a charge about thee ? Resigne it vp to me , and be my Foole . Simp. Troth that 's the way to be your Foole indeed ; But shall I haue the priuiledge to foole freely ? Kin.

As euer Folly had .

Simpl.

I 'me glad I 'me rid on 't .

Decei.

Pray let me case your Maiesty .

Kin. Thou ? hence Base Sycophant , insinuating hell-hound , Lay not a finger on it , as thou lou'st The state of thy whole body ; all thy filthy And rotten flatteries stinke i' my remembrance , And nothing is so loath some as thy presence . Simpl.

Sure this will proue a good Prince .

Decei. Still repulst ? I must finde ground to thriue on . Exit Deceit . Simpl. Pray remember now , You had the world from me cleane as a pick , Only a little smutted a one side , With a bastard got against it , or such a toy , No great corruption nor oppression in 't , No knauery , tricks , nor coozenage . Kin.

Thou saist true , foole , the world has a cleere water .

Simpl.

Make as few Lawes as you can then to trouble it , the fewer the better ; for alwaies the more lawes you make , the more knaues thriue by 't , marke it when you will .

Kin.

Thou 'st counsell i' thee too .

Simpl. A little against knauery , I 'me such an enemy too 't , That it comes naturally from me to confound it . Kin.

Looke , what are those ?

Simpl. Tents , Tents ; that part o th' world Shewes like a Faire : but pray take notice on 't , There 's not a Bawdy-Boothe amongst 'em all , You haue 'em white and honest as I had 'em , Looke that your Laundresses pollute 'em not . Kin. How pleasantly the Countries lye about , Of which wee are sole Lord : what s that i th' middle ? Simpl.

Lookes like a point , you meane a very prick ?

Kin.

I , that , that .

Simpl.

'T is the beginning of Amsterdam : they say the first brick there was laid with fresh Cheese and Creame ; because morter made of Lime and hayre was wicked , and committed fornication .

Enter a Land-Captaine and Deceit as a Soldier . Kin.

Peace , who are these approching ?

Simpl.

Blustering fellowes ; the first 's a Soldier , hee looks iust like March .

Decei. Captaine , 't is you that haue the bloudy sweats , You venture life and limmes 't is you that taste The stings of thirst and hunger , L. Capt. There thou hast namde Afflictions sharper then the enemies swords . Decei. Yet lets another carry away the World , Of which , by right , you are the only Master , Stand curtsing for your pay at your returne Perhaps with woodden legs to euery Groome That dares not look full right vpon a sword , Nor vpon any wound , or slit of honor ? L. Cap. No more , I le be my selfe ; I that vphold Countries and Kingdomes , must I halt downe right , And be propt vp with part of mine owne strength , The least part too ? Why , haue not I the power To make my selfe stand absolute of my selfe , That keepe vp others ? Kin.

How cheeres our noble Captaine ?

L. Cap. Our owne Captaine , No more a hireling ; your great Foe 's at hand , Seeke your defence elsewhere , for mine shall faile you , I le not be fellow-yoak't with death and danger All my life time , and haue the World kept from me , March in the heate of Summer in a bath , A furnace girt about me , and in that agony , With so much fire within me , forc'd to wade Through a coole riuer , practising in life The very paines of hell , now scorcht , now shiuering , To call diseases early into my bones , Before I 'ue age enough to entertaine 'em : No , he that has desire to keepe the World , Let him ee'n take the sowre paines to defend it . Kin. Stay , Man of Merit , it belongs to thee , I cheerefully resigne it , all my Ambition Is but the quiet calme of peacefull dayes ; And that faire good , I know , thy arme will raise . L. Cap. Though now an absolute master ; yet to thee Euer a faithfull seruant . Decei. Giue 't me sir to lay vp , I am your Treasurer , In a poore kinde . Exit King . L. Cap. In a false kinde I grant thee : How many vilde complaints from time to time Has beene put vp against thee ? they haue wearied me More then a Battell sixteene houres a' fighting , I 'ue heard the ragged Regiment so curse thee , I look't next day for Leprosie vpon thee , Or puffes of pestilence as big as Wens , When thou wouldst drop asunder , like a thing Inwardly eaten , thy skin only whole : Auaunt , defrauder of poore soldiers rights , Campe-Caterpiller , hence ; or I will send thee To make their rage a breakfast . Decei. Is it possible ? Can I yet set no footing in the World ? I 'm angry , but not weary ; I le hunt out still : For , being Deceit , I beare the Diuels name , And he 's known seldome to giue ore his game . Exit Deceit . Simpl.

Troth , now the World begins to bee in Hucksters handling ; by this light , the Boothes are full of Cutlers , and yonder s two or three queanes going to vittaile the campe : hah , would I were whipt , if yonder be not a Parsons daughter with a soldier betweene her legs , bag and baggage .

Sold. Now 't is the Soldiers time , great Iupiter , Now giue me leaue to enter on my fortunes , The World s our owne . Iup. Stay , beguild thing , this time Is many ages discrepant from thine , This was the season when desert was stoopt to , By greatnesse stoopt to , and acknowledg'd greatest ; But in thy time now , desert stoopes it selfe To euery basenesse , and makes Saints of Shadowes : Be patient , and obserue , how times are wrought , Till it comes downe to thine that rewards naught . Chambers shot off : Enter a Sea-Captaine and Deceit as a Purser . Omnes .

Hah ? what 's the newes ?

Sea Cap.

Be ready if I call to giue fire to the Ordnance .

Simpl.

Blesse vs all' , herre 's one spits fire as hee comes , hee will goe nye to mull the world with looking on it , how his eyes sparckle ?

Decei. Shall the Land-Captaine , sir , vsurpe your right , Yours that try thousand dangers to his one , Rocks , shelues , gulfs , quick-sands , hundred hundred horrors , That makes the Land-men tremble when th' are told ; Besides the enemies encounter , Sea Cap. Peace Purser , no more , I 'm vext , I 'm kindled . You , Land Captaine , quick , deliuer . L. Cap.

Proud Salt-Rouer , thou hast the salutation of a theefe .

Sea Cap. Deliuer , or I le thunder thee a pieces , Make night within this houre , e'en at high noone , Belch't from the Canon : dar'st expostulate With me ? my fury ? What 's thy merit , Land-worme , That mine not centuples ? Thy lazy Marches and safe-footed battailes Are but like dangerous dreames to my encounters : Why , euery minute the Deepe gapes for me , Beside the fiery throats of the loud fight , When we go too 't , and our fell Ordnance play , 'T is like the figure of a latter day . Let me but giue the word , night begins now , Thy breath and prize both beaten from thy body : How dar'st thou be so slow ? Not yet — then — L. Cap.

Hold .

Decei.

I knew 't would come at last .

Sea Cap. For this resigne , Part thou shalt haue still , but the greatest mine . Only to vs belongs the golden sway , Th' Indies load vs ; thou liu'st but by thy pay . Decei.

And shall your Purser helpe you ?

Sea Cap. No in sooth Sir , Coward and coozner ; how many Sea-Battels Hast thou compounded to be cabled vp ? Yet when the fights were ended , who so ready To cast sick soldiers and dismembred wretches , Ouer-boord , instantly , crying , away With things without Armes ; 't is an ougly sight ; When troth thine own should haue been off by right : But thou lay'st safe within a wall of hempe , Telling the guns , and numbring 'em with farting : Leaue me , and speedily ; I le haue thee ram'd Into a Culuerin else , and thy reare flesh Shot all into potcht eggs . Decei. I will not leaue yet ; Destruction playes in me such pleasant straines , That I would purchase it with any paines . Exit Deceit . Sea Cap. The motion 's worthy , I will ioyne with thee , Both to defend and enrich Maiesty . Simpl. Hoyda ! I can see nothing now for ships ; Harke a the Mariners . The Mariners Song . HEy , the World 's ours , we haue got the time by chance ; Let vs then carouse & sing , for the very house doth skip and dance That we doe now liue in : Wee haue the merriest liues , Wee haue the fruitfulst Wiues Of all men . Wee neuer yet came home , But the first houre we come , We finde them all with childe agen . A shout within : then , Enter two Mariners with Pipe and Can dancing seuerally by turnes , for ioy the World is come into their hands , then Exeunt . Simpl.

What a crue of mad Raskalls are these , they 'r ready at euery Can to fall into the Haddocks mouthes , the World begins to loue Lappe now .

Enter a Flamin and Deceit like a — Flam. Peace and the brightnesse of a holy loue , Reflect their beauties on you . Sea Cap.

Who s this ?

L. Capt.

A Reuerend shape .

Sea Cap.

Some Scholler .

L. Capt.

A diuine one .

Sea Cap. He may be what he will for me , fellow Captaine ; For I haue seene no Church these fiue and twenty yeares ; I meane as people ought to see it , inwardly . Flam. I haue a vertuous sorrow for you Sir , And 't is my speciall duty to weepe for you . For to enioy one world as you doe there , And be forgetfull of another Sir ; Oh , of a better millions of degrees ! It is a frailty and infirmity That many teares must go for ; all too little . What is 't to be the Lord of many battels , And suffer to be ouer-run within you ? Abroad to conquer , and be slaues at home , Remember there s a battell to be fought , Which will vndoe you , if it be not thought . And you must leaue that World , leaue it betimes , That reformation may weepe of the crimes : There 's no indulgent hand the World should hold , But a strict graspe , for making sinne so bold . We should be carelesse of it , and not fond , Of things so held , there is the best command . Sea-Capt. Graue Sir , I giue thy words their deseru'd honour , And to thy Sacred charge freely resigne , All that my Fortune , and the Age made mine . Simpl. If the world be not good now , 't will ne'r be good , There s no hope on 't . Dec. I haue my wishes heere , my sanctified Patron , I le first fill all the Chests i' th Vestry , Then there s a secret Vault for Great mens Legacies . Flam. Art not confounded yet ? strucke blinde or crippled , For thy abusiue thought , thou horrid hypocrite ? Are these the fruits of thy long Orisons Three houres together , of thy nine Lectures weekely , Thy sowning at the hearing of an oath , Scarce to be fetcht agen ? Away , depart , Thou white-fac't Diuell , Author of Heresie , Schismes , Factions , Controuersies : now I know thee To be Deceit it selfe , wrought in by Simony , To blowe corruption vpon Sacred vertue . Dec. I made my selfe sure here . Church faile me too ? I thought it meere impossible by all reason , Since there s so large a bridge to walke vpon 'Twixt negligence and Superstition . Where could one better piece vp a full vice ? One seruice lazy , t'other ouer-nice : There had beene twixt , roome enough for me . I will take roote , or runne through each degree . Exit Deceit . Simpl.

Whoope , here 's an alteration : by this hand , the Ships are all turn'd to Steeples ; and the Bels ring for ioy , as if they would shake downe the Pinacles . How ! the Masons are at worke yonder , the free Masons , I sweare it 's a free time for them : Ha! there s one building of a Chappell of ease : Oh , he 's loth to take the paines to goe to Church : Why , will he haue it in 's house , when the Prouerb sayes , The Diuel 's at home ? These great rich men must take their ease i' their Inne : they le walke you a long mile or two to get a stomack for their victuals ; but not a piece of a furlong to get an appetite to their prayers .

Flourish . Enter King , a Lawyer , and Deceit , as n Pettifogger . Law .

No more , the case is cleere .

Simpl.

'Slid , who haue we heere ?

Law: He that pleades for the world , must fall To his businesse roundly , most gracious And illustrious Prince , thus stands the case : The world in Greeke is Cosmos , in Latine , Mundus , In Law-French Lamonde , we leaue the Greeke , And come to the Law-French , or glide vpon the Latine , All 's one businesse ; then vnde mundus ? shall we come to that ? Nonne diriuatur à munditia ? The word cleannesse , Mundus , quasi mundus , cleane , And what can clense or mundifie the world Better then Law , the cleerer of all Cases , The Soueraigne pill or potion that expels All poysonous , rotten , and infectious wrongs , From the vext bosome of the Common-wealth ? There s a familiar phrase implyes thus much , I 'le put you to your purgation ; that is , The Law shall cleanse you : Can the sick world then Tost vp and downe from time to time , repose it selfe In a Physicians hand better improu'd ? Vpon my life and reputation , In all the Courts I come at , be assur'd I le make it cleane . Simpl.

Yes , cleane away , I warrant you , we shall n'er see 't agen .

Law . I grant , my Pils are bitter , I , and costly ; But their effects are rare , Diuine , and holsome , There s an Excomunicate Capiendo , Capias post K. and an Ne exeat Regno . I grant , there s bitter Egrimony in vm , And Antimony , I put mony in all still : And it works preciously , who eiects iniuries , Makes vm belch forth in vomit but the Law ? Who cleeres the Widdowes case , and after gets her If she be wealthy : but the Aduocate ? — then to conclude , If you 'l haue Mundus , à Mundo , cleane , firme , Giue him to me , I 'le scowre him euery Terme . Flam. I part with 't gladly , tak 't into thy trust , So will it thriue , as thy intent is iust . Dec.

Pitie your Trampler , Sir , your poore Solliciter .

Law . Thee ! Infamy to our profession , Which , without wrong to truth , next the Diuine one , Is the most graue and honovrable Function That giues a Kingdome blest : but thou , the poyson , Disease , that growes close to the heart of Law , And mak'st rash censurers thinke the sound part perish'd , Thou fowle Eclipse , that interposing Equity , As the darke Earth , the Moone , mak'st the world Iudge , That blacknesse and corruption haue possest The siluer-shine of Iustice ; when t is onely The smoke ascending from thy poys'nous wayes , Cosenage , Demurs , and fifteene Terme-delayes : Yet hold thee , take the Muck on 't , that 's thine owne , The Diuell and all ; but the faire Fame and honor Of righteous actions , good mens prayers and wishes , Which is that glorious portion of the World The noble Lawyer striues for ; that thy bribery , Thy double-handed gripe shall neuer reach to : Wit fat and filthy gaine thy Lust may feast , But poore mens curses beat thee from the rest . Decei. I le feede vpon the Muck on 't , that a while Shall satisfie my longings , Wealth is knowne The absolute step to all promotion . King . Let this be call'd the Spheare of harmony , In which being met , le ts all moue mutually . Omnes .

Faire Loue is i' the motion , Kingly loue .

In this last Dance , ( as an ease to memory , ) all the former Remooues come close together , the Diuell and Deceit ayming at the World , but the World remaining now in the Lawyers possession , expressing his reuerend and noble acknowledgement to the absolute power of Maiesty resignes it loyally to it's Royall Gouernment : Maiesty , to Valour ; Ualour , to Law agen ; Law to Religion ; Religion , to Soueraignty ; where it firmely and fairely settles ; The Law confounding Deceit , and the Church , the Diuell . Flam. Times suffer changes , and the world has beene Vext with Remooues ; but when his glorious peace Firmely and fairely settles , here 's his place , Truth his defendor , and Maiestie his grace : We all acknowledge it belongs to you . All .

Onely to you , Sir .

They all deliuer the World vp to the King . Flam. Regis ad exemplum totus componitur orbis . — Which shewes , That if the World forme it selfe by the King , 'T is fit the Former should command the thing . Decei.

This is no place for vs .

Diuell . Depart , away , I thought all these had been corrupted Euils , No court of Vertues , but a guard of Diuels . Exeunt Deceit and the Diuell . K. How blest am I in Subiects ! here are those That make all Kingdomes happy , worthy Souldier , Faire Churchman , and thou vncorrupted Lawyer , Vertues great miracle , that hast redeem'd All Iustice from her ignominious name . Simpl.

You forget me , Sir .

K. What , Simplicitie ! Who thinkes of vertue , cannot forget thee . Simpl.

I marry , my masters : now it lookes like a braue world , indeed , how ciuilly those faire Ladies goe yonder ! by this hand they are neither trimm'd nor truss'd , nor ponyarded : Wonderment ! O , yonder 's a knot of fine-sharpe-needle-bearded Gallants , but that they weare Stammell Cloakes ( me thinks ) in stead of Scarles : 'Slid , what s hee that carries out two Custards now vnder the Porters long nose ? oh , hee leaues a bottle of Wine i' th Lodge : and all 's pacified , cry mercy .

K. Continue but thus watchfull o'r your selues , That the great cunning Enemies , Deceit And his too mighty Lord , beguile you not ; And y' are the precious ornaments of State , The glories of the world , fellowes to vertues , Masters of honest and well-purchas'd fortunes , And I am fortunate in your partnership ; But if you euer make your Hearts the houses Of fals-hood and corruption , vglinesse it selfe Will be a beauty to you ; and lesse pointed at : Spots in deformed faces , are scarce noted , Faire cheekes are stainde , if ne'r so little blotted . All .

Euer the constant seruants to great Vertue .

Her loue inhabit you .

Exeunt . Iup. Now sonnes of vexation . Enuy , and discontent , what blame lay you Vpon these times now ? Which do's merit most To be condemn'd , your dulnesse , or the Age ? If now you thriue not , Mercury shall proclaime Y' are vndeseruers , and cry downe your Fame : Be poore still , Scholler , and thou wretch despis'd , If in this glorious time thou canst not prosper : Vpon whose brest Noble employments sit , By Honors hand , in golden Letters writ : Nay , where the Prince of Noblenesse Himselfe , Proues our Minerua's valiant'st hopefull'st Sonne , And early in his Spring puts Armor on . Vnite your worth's , and make of two , one brother , And be each one perfection to the other . Scholler and Souldier must both shut in one , That makes the absolute and complete man : So , now into the World , which if hereafter You euer tax of foule ingratefull crimes , Your dulnesse I must punish , not the times . Sould.

Scholler , Honour to mighty Iupiter .

Iupiter ascends . Sould.

The World 's in a good hand now , if it hold , brother .

Schol.

I hope for many ages .

Sould. Fare thee well then , I 'le ouer , yonder to the most glorious Warres That e'er famde Christian Kingdome . Schol. And I 'le settle Heere , in a Land of a most glorious Peace That euer made ioy fruitfull : where the Head Of him that rules , to Learnings faire renowne , Is doubly deckt with Lawrell , and a Crowne : And both most worthily . Sould: Giue me thy hand : Prosperitie keepe with thee . Schol. And the glory Of Noble actions bring white haires vpon thee : Present our wish with reuerence to this Place : For here 't must be confirm'd , or 't as no grace . Exeunt seuerally .