THE itching desire of oppressing the presse with many sottish and illiterate Libels , stuft with all manner of ribaldry , and sordid inuentions , when euery foule-mouthed male-content may disgorge his Licambaean poyson in the face of all the world , Tincta licambaeo sanguine t●la dabit , Ouid in Ibin . hath broken out into such a dismall contagion in these our dayes , that euery scandalous tongue and opprobrious witte , like the Italian Mountebankes will aduance their pedling wares of detracting virulence in the publique Piatza of euery Stationers shoppe . And Printing that was inuented to be the store-house of famous wits , the treasure of Diuine literature , the pandect and maintainer of all Sciences , become the receptacle of euery dissolute Pamphlet . The nursery and hospitall of euery spurious and penurious brat , which proceeds from base phreneticall braine-sicke bablers . When scribimus indocti must be the motto of euery one that fooles himselfe in Print : t is ridiculous ! but when scribimus insani should bee the signiture of euery page , t is lamentable our times so stupidly possest and benumd with folly , that wee shall verifie the Prouerbe , L'vsanza commune non è peccato , sinnes custome-house hath non sine priuilegio , writ vpon his dores , as though community in offence could make an immunitie : No! vse of sinne is the soules extortion , a biting faenorie that eates out the principle . Yet wofull experience makes it too true , consuetudo peccandi tollit sensum peccatt , as may bee seene by the workes of diuers men that make their pens their pensils to limme out vice that it may seeme delicious and amiable ; so to detract from vertue and honesty , as though their essence were onely in outward appearance of goodnesse , as if mortality were onely circumscribed within the conditions , of our sex , caelum ipsum petimus stultitia , foolish man will reprehend his Creator in the admirable worke of his generation and conseruation : Woman the second edition of the Epitome of the whole world , the second Tome of that goodly volume compiled by the great God of heauen and earth is most shamefully blurd , and derogatiuely rased by scribling penns of sauage & vncought monsters . To what an irregular straine is the daring impudence of b●●d-fold bayards aspired vnto ? that they will presume to call in question euen the most absolute worke composed by the worlds great Architect ? A strange blasphemy to finde fault with that which the Priuy Councell of the high and mighty Parliament of the inscrutable Tri-vnitie in Heauen determined to be very good . Gen. 1 . To call that imperfect , froward , crooked and peruerse to make an arraignment and Beare-baiting of that which the Pantocrator would in his omniscient wisedome haue to be the consummation of his blessed weekes worke , the end , crowne , and perfection of the neuer-sufficiently glorified creation . What is it but an exorbitant phrensie , and wofull taxation of the supreme deitie . Yet woman the greatest part of the lesser world is generally become the subiect of euery pedanticall goose-quill . 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . Euery fantasticke Poetaster which thinkes he hath lickt the vomit of his Coriphaeus and can but patch a hobling verse together , will striue to represent vnseemely figments imputed to our sex , ( as a pleasing theme to the vulgar ) on the publique Theatre : teaching the worser sort that are more prone to luxurie , a compendious way to learne to be sinfull . These foule mouth'd raylers , qui non evident vt corrigant , sed quaerunt quid reprehendant , that reprooue not that they might reforme , but pry into actions that they might carpe and cauill : so that in this infamous profession they farre exceed the vildest kinde of Pharisaicall ostentation , and so surmounting beyond all comparison railing Anaxarchus , Aut vt Ana archus pila ●●nuaris in alta . Ouid in I●in . Benuenuto , 〈◊〉 . who for his detracting and biting tongue was pestled to death in a brazen morter . Who as a learned Tuscan speaketh , gli miseri vanno a tentone altreuolte a carpone per facer mercatantia dell' altrui da lor inuentata è seminata vergogna , impudicamente cereano l'altrui deshonor erger la meretricia fronte & malzar la impudiche corna : these wretched miscreants goe groaping , and sometimes on all foure , to traffique with other folkes credits by their owne divulged and dispersed ignominie . That impudently seeke by others dishonour to set a shamelesse face on the matter , and thus to put out their immodest hornes to butt at , and gore the name and reputation of the innocent , being so besotted with a base and miserable condition , and blinde in themselues , they blush not in their tongues to carry the gall of Rabilius , and in their chaps the poyson of Colimachus in their mouthes , the flame of mount Aetna in their eyes , Iupiters lightning which he darted at the Centaures , in their thoghts Bellonaes arrowes , in their serpentine words the bitternesse of Sulmo against Orbecca , blending and commixing all their discourse with epaticke aloes and vnsauourie simples , Plus aloes quam mellis habent . deriuing all their ingredients of their venomed Recipes from the Apothecaries shop of the Deuill . Notwithstanding , as the same learned man metaphorically speakes , Cotesti vsei scangerati , cittá senza muro , naui senza gouerno , vasi senza coperto caualli indomiti senza freno non considerano . These wide open-dores , these vnwalled townes , these rudderlesse shippes , these vncouerd vessels , these vnbrideled horses doe not consider that the tongue being a very little member should neuer goe out of that same iuory gate , in which , ( not without a great mystery ) diuine wisedome and nature together hath enclosed , it signifying that a man should giue him selfe eyther to vertuous speech , or prudent silence , and not let tongue and pen runne vp and downe like a weaponed madde-man , to strike and wound any without partiality , uery one without exception , to make such an vniuersall massacre ( for so I may terme it , Vn coup de langue est p us dangereux qu' vn coup de lance . 〈◊〉 . seeing words make worse wounds then swords ) yet lest villanie domineere and triumph in furie , wee will manicle your dissolute fist , that you deale not your blowes so vnaduisedly . Though feminine modesty hath confin'd our rarest and ripest wits to silence , wee acknowledge it our greatest ornament , but when necessity compels vs , Sop●o 〈◊〉 A● 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 t is as great a fault and folly loquenda tacere , vt contra grauis est culpa tacenda loqui , being too much prouoked by arrainments , baytings , and rancarous impeachments of the reputation of our whole sex , stulta est clementia — periturae parcere cartae , opportunity of speaking slipt by silence , is as bad as importunity vpheld by babling 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . Loqui quae de●●● est meli●s quam tacere . Know therefore that wee will cancell your accusations , trauers your bils , and come vpon you for a false inditement , and thinke not t is our waspishnesse that shall sting you ; no sir , vntill we see your malepert sausinesse reformed , which will not be till you doe make a long letter to vs , Literam ●●ngam tra●●●● . we will continue Iuno'es ,

Notwithstanding for all your iniuries as Gelo Siracusanus answered Syagrius the Spartane , You shall not induce mee though stird with anger , 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . to demean my selfe vnreuerently in the retribution of your iniuries . You idoll muse , and musing being idle ( as your learned Epistle beginneth ) shall bee no plea to make your viperous scandals seeme pleasing , ipsa excusatio culpa est . Where by the way I note your vntoward nature contrary to all men , for wheras in all others of your sex by your confession , idlenesse ingendreth loue , in you hate : you say in the dedication of your booke to your mistresses the common sort of women , that you had little ease to passe the time withall , but now seeing you haue basely wron'gd our wearied and wurried Patience with your insolent inuectiue madnesse , you shall make a simple conuersion of your proposition , and take your pastime in little ease : why ? if you delight to sow thornes , is it not fit you should goe on them bare-foot and bare-legged . Your idle muse shall be frankt vp , for while it is at liberty , most impiously it throwes durt in the face of halfe humane kinde . Li●● lib. ● . Coriolanus when hee saw his mother and his wife weeping , naturall loue compeld him to leaue sacking the City for their sakes , ab hoc exemplum cape , but your barbarous hand will not cease to ruine the fenses , and beleager the forces of Gynaecia , not sparing the mother that brought forth such an vntoward whelp into the world as thy selfe , playing at blindman-buffe with all , scattering thy dissolute language at whomsoeuer comes next : you neuer heard of a boy , an vnlucky gallowes that threw stones in the market-place he knew not whither : the wisely-cynicke Philosopher bade him take heed lest he hit his father . Nomine mutato narretur fabula de te . You might easily , if you had had the grace , perceiue what vse to make of it . But you goe forward , pretending you were in great choller against some women , and in the ruffe of your furie . Grant one absurditie , a thousand follow : Alas ( good Sir ) wee may easily gather you were mightily transported with passion . Anger and madnesse differ but in time . T were a pleasant sight to see you in your great standing choller and furious ruffe together . Your choller ( no doubt ) was too great for a Spanish peccadillo , A little sinne , and your shagge ruffe seemed so greesly to set forth your ill-looking visage , that none of your shee-aduersaries durst attempt to confront your follie . But now let vs talke with you in your cold bloud . Now the lees of your furie are settled to the bottome , and your turbulent minde is defaecated and clearer , le ts haue a parle with you . What if you had cause to be offended with some ( as I cannot excuse all ) must you needs shoot your paper-pellets out of your potgun-pate at all women ? Remember ( sweet Sir ) the counsell of Nestor to Achilles :

Anim●● in pectore sortem ●●●ineas , si●i qui bene temperat optimus esto . It had beene the part of humanitie to haue smothered your anger , hoping amends and reconcilement , and not presently to wrecke your spleene . Architas in Tullie would haue taught you another lesson : Tuscul● 4. Quo te inquit modo accepissem nisi iratus essem ? But you ( like a hare-braind scold ) set your clawes in the face of the whole world . But this argues your leuitie ioyn'd with degenerate cowardize : for had you but considered with mature deliberation that ( as Virgil speakes )

T is a poore atchieuement to ouercome a woman , you would neuer haue beene so grieuously troubled with the ouer-flowing of the gall , neither would the relish of your furr'd palate haue beene so bitter , as what delicates soeuer you tasted should become vnpleasing . I read of a mad fellow , which had lost his goods by sea , that whatsoeuer ships had come into the port at Athens , he would take a catalogue of them , and very busie would he be in making an inuentorie of the goods they brought in and receiued , thinking all to bee his . So you hauing peraduenture had some curst wife that hath giuen you as good as you brought , whatsoeuer faults you espie in others , you take that to heart : you run a madding vp and downe to make a scrole of female frailties , and an inuentorie of meretriciall behauiours , ascribing them to those that are ioyned in the sacred bands of matrimonie . Because you haue beene guld with brasse money , will you thinke no coyne currant ? Because you haue suffered shipwracke , will you disswade any from venturing to trafficke beyond Seas ? Besides , you shew your selfe vniust in not obseruing a symmetrie and proportion of reuenge and the offence : for a pelting iniurie should not prouoke an opprobrious calumnie ; a priuate abuse of your owne familiar doxies should not breake out into open slanders of the religious matron together with the prostitute strumpet ; of the nobly-descended Ladies , as the obscure base vermine that haue bitten you ▪ of the chaste and modest virgins , as well as the dissolute and impudent harlot . Because women are women , you will doe that in an houre , which you will repent you of all your life time after . Nay rather , if the ruffe of your furie would haue let you lookt ouer it , you would haue diuerted the floud-gates of your poisoned streames that way where you perceiued the common shore to run , and not haue polluted and stained the cleere and crystalline waters . Because women are not women , rather might be a fit subiect of an ingenious Satyrist . Iuuen. Sat. Cùm alterius sexus imitata figuram est : the reason is ,

But when women are women , when wee saile by the true compasse of honest and religious conuersation , why should you be so doggedly incensed to barke in generall ? why should you imploy your inuention to lay open new fashions of lewdnesse , which the worst of women scarce euer were acquainted with ? imitating the vice of that Pagan Poet , whose indignation made verses , whose filthy reprehension opened the doores of vnbridled luxurie , and gaue a president of all admired wickednesse , and bruitish sensualitie , to succeeding ages ; Scal. 3. lib. P●et . cap. 9 ▪ whom great Scaliger indeed censureth not worthy to be read of a pious and ingenuous man . That Satyr brands all his Countrey-women with the same marke :

But he liued in a nation earthly , deuillish , sensuall , giuen ouer to a reprobate sense , that wrought all filthinesse with greedinesse . But you , sir , were whelpt in a better age , at least in a better climate , where the Gospell is preached , and the voice of the Turtle is heard in our land ; where you might see ( if you could perfectly distinguish ) if you were not in the gall of bitternesse . Matchlesse beauties and glorious vertues shining together , you might behold ( if outragious rage had not drawne a filme ouer your eye-sight ) the goodly habiliments of the minde combined with the perfection of outward comelinesse and ornaments of the body . Is there not as many monuments erected to the famous eternizing of charitable deeds of women renowned in their generations , as trophees to the most couragious Potentates ? In the commemorations of founders and benefactors , how many women haue emulated your sex in bountifull exhibitions to religious vses and furtherance of pietie ? I might produce infinite examples , if neede were : but bray a foole in a morter ( said the wise man ) yet he will not leaue his foolerie : Neither if whole volumes were compiled against your manifest calumnies , would you euer be brought to a palinodie and recantation . Wee haue your confession vnder your owne hand , where you say you might haue emploied your selfe to better vse than in such an idle businesse . True :

A foole speakes sometimes to the purpose . If you must needs be digiting your pen , the time had beene farre better spent if you had related to the world some stories of your trauels , with a Gentleman learneder and wiser then your selfe : so you might haue beguiled the time , and exposed your ridiculous wit to laughter : Mr. Th● Co●●● Quid enim maiore ca●●●●●● accipitur v●●g● . you might haue told how hardly such an vnconstant bella curtizana de Venetijs entertained you , how your teeth watered , and after your affections were poisoned with their hainous euils ; how in the beginning of your thirty yeeres trauell and odde , In his first Epistle . your constitution inclined and you were addicted to prie into the various actions of loose , strange , lewd , idle , froward and inconstant women ; how you happened ( in some Stewes or Brothel houses ) to be acquainted with their cheats and euasions ; how you came to be so expert in their subtile qualities ; how politikely you caught the daughter in the ouen , yet neuer was there your selfe ; how in your voyages your stomacke was cloyd with these surfets , and therefore being a traueller , you had reason to censure hardly of women . Haue you traueld halfe as long againe as that famous Pilgrim , which knew the fashions of many men , 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . and saw their Cities ? Haue you out-stript him in time , and come so short of him in knowledge ? Is this all the manners you haue learned abroad , these thirty and odde yeeres ? Is this the benefit of your obseruations ? Is this all the profit your Country shall reape by your forraine endeuours ? to bring home a company of idle humours of light huswiues which you haue noted , and divulge them in print to your owne disgrace and perpetuall obloquie ? Haue you traueld three times as long as an Elephant , and is this the first fruit , nay all the fruit of your idle addle coxcombe ? Certainly you mis-spent your time in your trauels : for it had beene more profitable for you , if you had brought dogges from Iceland ; better for your Countrey , if you had kept a dogge there still . But t is easie to giue a reason of your exasperate virulence , from your being a traueller : for it is very likely when you first went abroad to see fashions , t was your fortune to light amongst ill company , who trying what metall you were made of , quickly matriculated you in the schoole of vice , where you proued a most apt Nov-proficient , and being guld of your patrimonie , your purse was turned into a passe , and that by women . Like a dogge that bites the stone which had almost beat out his braines , you come home swaggering :

Which if you cannot vnderstand , is to this sense :

Such it may be ( I speake but on suspicion ) were the conditions of those minions your minoritie had experience of in your voyages . Wherefore none either good or bad , faire or foule , of what estate soeuer , of what parentage or royall descent and lineage soeuer , how well soeuer nurtured and qualified , shall scape the conuicious violence of your preposterous procacitie . Why did you not snarle at them directly that wronged you ? Why did not you collimate your infectious Iauelins at the right marke ? If a theefe take your purse from you , will you maligne and swagger with euery one you meet ? If you be beaten in an Ale-house , will you set the whole Towne afire ? If some curtezans that you haue met with in your trauels ( or rather that haue met with you ) haue ill intreated you , must honest and religious people be the scope of your malicious speeches and reprochfull tearmes ? Yet it may be you haue a further drift , to make the world beleeue you haue an extraordinary gift of continencie ; soothing your selfe with this supposition , that this open reuiling is some token and euidence you neuer were affected with delicate and effeminate sensualitie , thinking this pamphlet should assoile thee from all manner of leuie and taxation of a lasciuious life ; as if , because you cynically raile at all both good and bad , you had beene hatcht vp without concupiscence ; as if nature had bestowed on you all 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 and no 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . 〈◊〉 Concupisce●●● . T was spoken of Euripides , that he hated women in choro , but not in thoro , in calamo , but not in thalamo : and why cannot you be liable to the same obiection ? I would make this excuse for you , but that the crabbednesse of your stile , the vnsauory periods of your broken-winded sentences perswade your body to be of the same temper as your minde . Your ill-fauoured countenance , your wayward conditions , your peeuish and pettish nature is such , that none of our sex with whom you haue obtained some partiall conference , could euer brooke your dogged frompard frowardnesse : vpon which male-contented desperation , you hanged out your flagge of defiance against the whole world , as a prodigious monstrous rebell against nature . Besides , if your currish disposition had dealt with men , you were afraid that Lex talionis would meet with you ; Like for like . wherefore you surmized , that inueighing against poore illiterate women , we might fret and bite the lip at you , wee might repine to see our selues baited and tost in a blanket , but neuer durst in open view of the vulgar either disclose your blasphemous and derogatiue slanders , or maintaine the vntainted puritie of our glorious sex : nay , you 'l put gagges in our mouthes , and coniure vs all to silence : you will first abuse vs , then binde vs to the peace ; wee must be tongue-tied , lest in starting vp to finde fault , wee proue our selues guiltie of those horrible accusations . The sinceritie of our liues , and quietnesse of conscience , is a wall of brasse to beat backe the bullets of your vituperious scandals in your owne face . T is the resolued Aphorisme of a religious soule to answere , ego sic viuam vt nemo tibi fidem adhibeat : by our well-doings to put to silence the reports of foolish men , as the Poet speakes ;

Indeed I write not in hope of reclaiming thee from thy profligate absurdities , for I see what a pitch of disgrace and shame thy selfe-pining enuie hath carried thee to , Vnde altior esset casus & impulsae praeceps immane ruine . for thy greater vexation and more perplexed ruine . You see your blacke grinning mouth hath beene muzled by a modest and powerfull hand , who hath iudiciously bewrayed , and wisely layed open your singular ignorance , couched vnder incredible impudence , who hath most grauely ( to speake in your owne language ) vnfoulded euery pleat , and shewed euery rinckle of a prophane and brutish disposition , so that t is a doubt whether shee hath shewed more modesty or grauity , more learning or prudence in the religious confutation of your vndecent raylings . But as shee hath beene the first Champion of our sexe that would encounter with the barbarous bloudhound , and wisely dammed vp your mouth , and sealed vp your iawes lest your venomed teeth like madde dogges should damage the credit of many , nay all innocent damosels ; so no doubt , if your scurrilous and deprauing tongue breake prison , and falls to licking vp your vomited poyson , to the end you may squirt out the same with more pernicious hurt , assure your selfe there shall not be wanting store of Helebore to scoure the sinke of your tumultuous gorge , at least we will cram you with Antidotes and Catapotions , that if you swell not till you burst , yet your digested poyson shall not be contagious . I heare you foame at mouth and groule against the Author with another head like the triple dog of hell , wherefore I haue prouided this sop for Cerberus , indifferent well steept in vineger . I know not how your pallat will bee pleased with it to make you secure hereafter . I le take the paines to worme the tongue of your madnesse , and dash your rankling teeth downe your throat : t is not houlding vp a wispe , nor threatning a cucking-stoole shall charme vs out of the compasse of your chaine , our pens shall throttle you , or like Archilochus with our tart Iambikes make you Lopez his godson : we will thrust thee like Phalaris into thine owne brazen bull , and baite thee at thy owne stake , and beate thee at thine owne weapon , Quippe minuti semper & infirmi est animi exiguique voluptas vltio : continuo sic collige quod vindicta nemo magis gaudet quam faemina . T is your Poets owne assertion , that vltion being the delight of a weake and feeble minde belongs to vs . Qu●m diri cons ; ●●● facti● m●ns ●abet a to●itū & surdo verbe●● caedit . Occultum quatieute ●nimo tortore ●●agellum . Thou that in thy selfe feelest the lash of folly , thou that confessest thy selfe to be in a fault , nay that thou hast offended beyond satisfaction , for t is hard to giue a recompence for a slander : thou that acknowledgest thy selfe to be madde , in a rough furie , your wits gon a woolgathering that you had forgot your selfe ( as I think ) Nero-like in ripping vp the bowels of thine owne Mother : for I haue learnt so much Logicke to know quicquid dicitur de specie , dicitur de vnoquoque indiuiduo eiusdem speciei : whatsoeuer is spoken or praedicated of the kinde is spoken of euery one in the same kinde : first therefore to bring you to an impious 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 or inconuenience . Is it not a comely thing to heare a Sonne speake thus of his mother : My mother in her furie was worse than a Lion being bitten with hunger , than a beare being robbed of her yong ones , the viper being trod on . No spur would make my mother go , nor no bridle would hold her backe : tell her of her fault , she will not beleeue she is in any fault : giue her good counsell , but she will not take it : if my Father did but look after another woman , then she would be iealous : the more he loued her , the more shee would disdaine him : if he threatned her , shee would bee angry : when he flattered her , then she would be proud : if he forbore her , it made her bould : if hee chastened her , she would turne to a serpent : at a word , my mother would neuer forget an iniury , nor giue thankes for a good turne : what an asse then was my Father to exchange gould for drosse , pleasure for paine : t is a wonderfull thing to see the madde feates of my mother , for she would picke thy pocket , empty thy purse , laugh in thy face & cut thy throat , she is vngratefull , periurd , full of fraud , flouting , and deceit , vnconstant washpish , toyish , light , sullen , proud , discourteous and cruell : the breast of my mother was the harbourer of an enuious heart , her heart the storehouse of poysoned hatred , her head deuised villany , and her hands were ready to put in practise what her heart desired , then who can but say but my mother a woman sprung from the Deuill ? Pag. 15. you from your mother , and so Swetnam is the Deuils Grand-child . Doe you not blush to see what a halter you haue purchased for your owne necke ? You thought in your ruffe of furie like Augustus Caesar , to make an edict that all the world should be taxed , when your selfe is tributary to the greatest infirmities : you blowed the fier of sedition with the bellowes of your anger , and the coales are burning in your owne bosome , Periculoso plenum opus alea , tractas & incedis per ignes suppositos cineri doloso . Hor● O●●● . 2. Is there no reuerence to be giuen to your mother because you are weaned from her teat , and neuer more shall be fedde with her pappe ? You are like the rogue in the Fable which was going to the gallowes for burglarie , that bit off his mothers nose , because she chastised him not in his infancy for his pettie-Larcenies : is this the requitall of all her cost , charge , care , and vnspeakeable paines she suffered in the producing of such a monster into the light ? If she had cram'd grauell downe thy throat when shee gaue thee sucke , or exposed thee to the mercy of the wilde beasts in the wildernesse when she fed thee with the pap , thou couldst not haue showen thy selfe more vngratefull then thou hast in belching out thy nefarious contempt of thy mothers sexe . Ingratum si di●eero ●mnia di●●ro . Wherefore mee thinkes it is a pleasing reuenge that thy soule arraines thee at the barre of conscience , and thy distracted mind cannot chuse but hant thee like a bumbaylie to serue a sub paena on thee , the stile and penning of your pamphlet hath brought you within the compasse of a Praemunire , and euery sentence beeing stolne out of other bookes , accuseth you of robbery . So that thou carriest in thy selfe a walking Newgate vp & downe with thee , thy owne perplexed suspicions like Promotheus vulture is alwaies gnawing on thy liuer . Besides , these books which are of late come out ( the latter whereof hath preuented me in the designes I purposed in running ouer your wicked handi-worke ) are like so many red-hot irons to stigmatize thy name with the brand of a hideous blasphemer and incarnate Deuill . Although thou art not apprehended and attached for thy villany I might say fellonie , before a corporall iudge , yet thine owne conscience if it be not seared vp , tortures thee , and wracks thy tempestuous minde with a dissolution and whurring too and fro of thy scandalous name , which without blemish my penne can scarce deigne to write , you finde it true which the Poet speakes ;