WEll said my Maisters , I perceyue there cannot a new Booke come forth but you will haue a fling at it . Say , what are you reading ? Nashe against Haruey . Fo , that s a stale ieast , hee hath been this two or three yeare about it . O good Brother Timothie rule your reason , the Miller gryndes more mens corne than one : and those that resolutely goe through with anie quarrell , must set all their wordly busines at a stay , before they draw it to the poynt . I will not gainsay , but I haue cherisht a purpose of persecuting this Liff-lander Bogarian so long time as ye speak of , and that like the long snouted Beast ( whose backe is Castle proofe ) carrying her yong in her wombe three yere ere she be deliuered , I haue been big with childe of a common place of reuenge , euer since the hanging of Lopus : but to say I plodded vpon it continually , and vsed in all this space nothing but gall to make inke with , is a lye befitting a base swabberly lowsie sailer , who hauing been neuer but a month at sea in his life , and duckt at the maine yards arme twice or thrice for pilferie , when hee comes home sweares hee hath been seuenteene yeares in the Turkes Gallies .

Patientia vestra , there is not one pint of wine more than the iust Bill of costs and charges in setting forth , to be got by ame of these bitter-sanced Inuectines . Some fool●h praise perhaps we may mecte with , such as is affoorded to ordinarie I esters that make sport : but otherwise we are like those fugitiue Priests in Spaine and Portugall , whom the Pope ( veric liberally ) prefers to Irish Bishoprickes , but allowes them not a pennie of any liuing to maintaine them with , saue onely certaine Friers to begfor them .

High titles ( as they of Bishops and Prelates ) so of Poets and Writers we haue in the world , when in stead of their begging Friers , the fire of our wit is left , as our onely last refuge to warme vs .

Haruey and I ( a couple of beggers ) take vpon vs to bandie factions , and contend like the Vrsini and Coloni in Roome : or as the Turkes and Persians about Mahomet and Mortus Alli , which should bee the greatest : and ( with the Indians ) head our inuentions arrowes with Vipers teeth , and sleep them in the bloud of Adders and Serpents , and spend as much time in arguing Pro & contra , as a man might haue found out the quadrature of the Circle in : when all the contr●uersie is no more but this , he began with mee , and cannot tell how to make an end ; and I would fain● end or rid my hands of him , if he had not first begun .

I protest I doo not write against him because I hate him , but that I would confirme and plainly shew to a number of weake beleeuers in my sufficiencie , that I am able to answere him : and his frends and not his enemies let him thanke for this heauie load of disgrace I lay vpon him , since theyr extreame disabling of mee in this kinde , & vrging what a triumph he had ouer me , hath made me to ransacke my standish more than I would .

This I will boldly say , looke how long it is since he writ against me , so long haue I giuen him a lease of his life , & he hath onely held it by my mercie .

His Booke or Magna Charta which against M. Lilly & me he addrest , I hauing kept idle by me in a by settle out of sight amongst old shooes and bootes almost this two yere , and in meere pitie of him would neuer looke vpon it but in some calme pleasing humor , for feare least in my melancholy too cruelly I should haue martyrd him .

And yet though vengeance comes not Zephiris & hirundine prima , in the first springing prime of his schisme and heresie , let him not looke for one of Frier Tecelius Pardons , he that ( as Sleidane reports ) first stird vp Luther , pronouncing from the Pope free salarie indulgence to anie man , though he had deflowred the Virgine Mary , and absolution as well for sinnes past as sinnes to come : for I meane to come vpon him with a tempest of thunder and lightning , worse than the stormes in the West Indies cald the Furicanoes , and compleate arme more words for his confusion , than Wezell in Germanie is able to arme men , that hath absolute furniture for three hundred thousand at all times .

Gentlemen , what think ye of this sober mortified stile ? I dare say a number of ye haue drawn it to a verdit alredie : and as an Elephants fore-legs are longer than his hinder , so you imagine my former confutation wil be better than my latter . Nay then , Aesopum non attriuistis , you are as ignorant in the true mounings of my Muse , as the Astronomers are in the true mouings of Mars , which to this day they could neuer attaine too . For how euer in the first setting foorth I martch faire and softly like a man that rides vpon his owne horse , and like the Caspian sea seeme neither to ebbe nor flow , but keep a smooth plain for me in my el●quence , as one of the Lacedemonian Ephori , or Baldwin in his morrall sentences ( which now are all snatcht vp for Painters posies ) : yet you shall see me in two or three leaues hence , crie Heigh for our towne greene , and powre hot boyling inke on this contemptible Heggledepegs barrain scalp , as men condemned for stealing by Richard de corde Lions law , had hot boyling pitch powrd on their heads , and feathers strewd vppor , that wheresoeuer they came they might be knowne .

I know I am too long in preparing an entrance into my Text , sed tandem denique to the matter and the purpose .

The method I meane to vse in persecuting this Peter Maluenda and Sinibaldo Crasko is no more but this .

Memorandum , I frame my whole Booke in the nature of a Dialogue , much like Bullen and his Doctor Tocrub , whereof the Interlocuters are these .

Inprimis , Senior Importunio , the Opponent .

The second Grand Consiliadore , chiefe Censor or Moderat●r .

The third Domino Bentiuole , one that stands as it were at the line in a Tennis-court , and takes euerie ball at the volly .

The fourth Don Carneades de boone Compagniola , who like a busie Countrey Iustice sits on the Bench , and preacheth to the eues out of their own confessions : or rather like a Quarter-master or Treasurer of Bride-well , whose office is to giue so manie strokes with the hammer , as the publican vnchast offender is to haue stripes , and by the same Tuballs musique to warne the blue-coate Corrector when he should patience and surcease : so continually , when by Senior Importunio the Doctor is brought to the Crosse , Don Carneades sets downe what proportion of instice is to be executed vpon him , and when ●is backe hath bled sufficient , giues a signall of retrayt .

Neither would I haue you imagine that all these personages are fained , like Americke Vesputius , & the rest of the Antwerpe Speakers in Sir Thomas Moores Vtopia : for as true as Bankes his Horse knowes a Spaniard from an English-man , or there went vp one and twentie Maides to the top of Boston Steeple , and there came but one downe againe , so true it is that there are men which haue dealt with me in the same humour that heere I shaddow . In some nooke or blind angle of the Black-Friers , you may suppose ( if you will ) this honest conference to bee held , after the same manner that one of these Italionate conferences about a Duell is wont solemnly to be handled , which is , when a man being specially toucht in reputation , or challenged to the field vpon equall tearmes , calls all his frends together , and askes their aduice how he should carrie himselfe in the action .

Him that I tearme Senior Importuno , is a Gentleman of good qualitie , to whom I rest manie waies beholding , and one ( as the Philosophers say of winde , that it is nothing but aire vehemently moou'd ) so hath hee neuer ceast with all the vehemence of winde or breath that he hath , to incite and mooue me to win my spurres in this iourney .

Vnder Grand Consiliadore , I allude to a graue reuerend Gimnosophist , ( Amicorum amicissimus , of all my Frends the most zealous ) that as Aesculapius built an Oracle of the Sunne at Athens , so is his Chamber an Oracle or Conuocation Chappell of sound counsaile , for all the better sort of the sonnes of understanding about London , and ( as it were ) an usuall market of good fellowship and conference .

Hee also ( as well as Senior Impor●uno ) hath dealt with me verie importunately , to employ all my Forces in this Expedition , and as Hippocrates preserued the Citie of Coos from a great plague or mortalitie ( generally dispersed throughout Greece ) by perswading 〈◊〉 to kindle fires in publique places , whereby the aire might be purisied : so hath hee ( in most feruent deuotion to my well dooing ) un●essantly perswaded me to preserue my credit from iadish dying of the scratches , by powerfull through enkindling this Pinego Riminos euerlasting fire of damnation .

For Domino Bentiuole and Don Carneades de boune compagniola , they be men that haue as full shares in my lous and affection as the former .

The antecedent of the two , besides true resolution and valure , ( where with he hath ennobled his name extraordinarie ) and a ripe pleasant wit in conuersing , hath in him a perfect unchangeable true habit of honestie , imitating the Arte of Musique , which the Professours thereof affirme to be infinite and without end .

And for the subsequent or hindermost of the paire , who likewise is none of the unworthiest retainers to Madame Bessona , hee is another Florentine Poggius , for mirthfull sportiue conceit & quick innention , ignem fac●●ns exlaplde nigro , ( which Munster in his Cosmography alledgeth for the greatest wonder of England ) that is , wresting delight out of aniething . And this ouer and aboue I will giue in eu●dence for his praise , that though all the ancient Records and Presidents of ingenuous Apothegs and Emblemes were burnt , ( as Polidore Virgill in King Harry the eights time burnt all the ancient Records of the true beginning of this our I le , after hee had finished his Chronicle ) yet out of his affluent capacitie they were to be renewed and reedified farre better .

These foure with my ●elfe , whom I personate as the Respondent in the last place , shall ( according as God wil giue them grace ) clap up a Colloquium amongst them , and so schoole my gentle Comrade or neighbor Quiquiffe in some few short principles of my learning and industrie , that ( I doubt not ) by that time they haue concluded and dispatcht with him , my Gorboduck Huddleduddle will gladly ( on his knees ) resigne to mee his Doctoursh●● , and as Antisthenes could not beate Diogenes away from him , but he would needes be his scholler whether he would or no : so shall I haue him haunt me up and downe to be my prentise to learne to endite , and doo what I can I shall not be shut of him .

This is once , I both can and wil be shut presently of this tedious Chapter of contents , least where as I prepared it as an antipast to whet your stomacks , it cleane take away your stomackes , and you surfet of it before meate come : wherefore onely giuing you this one caueat to obserue in reading my Booke , which Aristotle prescribes to them that read Histories , namely , that they bee not nimis credulos aut incredulos , too rash or too slow of beleefe , and earnestly commending me to Qui cytharam neruis , & neruis temperat arcum , the melodious God of Gam vt are , that is life and sinnewes in euerie thing ; as also to Ioues ancient trustie Roger , frisking come aloft sprightly Mercury , that hath wings for his moustachies , wings for his ey-browes , wings growing out of his chinne like a thorough haire , wings at his armes like a fooles coat with foure elbowes , wings for his riding bases , wings at his heeles in stead of spurres , and is true Prince of Wingandecoy in euerie thing , and desiring him to inspire my pen with some of his nimblest Pomados and Sommersets , & be still close at my elbow , since now I haue more use of him than Alchumists , in loue and charitie I take my leaue of you all , at least of all such as heere meane to leaue and read no further , and hast to the launching forth of my Dialogue .