Strange newes, of the intercepting certaine letters, and a conuoy of verses, as they were going priuilie to victuall the Low Countries. By Tho. Nashe Gentleman

The foure Letters Confuted .

GAbriel and not onely Gabriel , but Gabrielissime Gabriel , no Angell but ANGELOS , id est , Nuntius , a Fawneguest Messenger twixt Maister Bird and Maister Demetrius : Behold , here stands he that will make it good on thy foure Letters bodie , that thou art a filthy vaine foole . Thy booke I commend ; as very well printed : and like wondrous well , because all men dislike it .

I agree with thee that there are in it some matters of Note , for there are a great many barefoote rimes in it that goe as iumpe as a Fiddle with euery ballet-maker's note : and if according to their manner you had tun'd them ouer the head it had beene nere the worse , for by that meanes you might haue had your name chaunted in euery corner of the streete , then the which there can be nothing more melodiouslie addoulce to your deuine Entelechy . O they would haue trowld oft brauely to the tune of O man in Desperation , and like Marenzos Madrigals , the mournefull note naturally haue affected the miserable Dittie .

Doe you knowe your owne misbegotten bodgery Entelechy and addoulce . With these two Hermophrodite phrases , being halfe Latin and halfe English , hast thou puld out the very guts of the inkehome .

Letters .

To all curteous mindes that will vouchsafe the reading .

Comment.

In their absence this be deliuered to Megge Curtis in Shorditch to stop mustard pots with .

The particular Contents .

L. A Praeface to courteous mindes .

C. As much to say , as Proface , much good do it you would it were better for you .

L. A Letter to M. Emanuel Demetrius , with a sonnet there to annexed .

C. That is , as it were a purgation vpon a vomit , buskins vpon pantophles .

L. A Letter to M. Bird.

C. Or little matter wrapt vp in many words .

L. A Letter to euerie fauorable and indifferent Reader .

C. Id est , An exhortation to all Readers , that they shall reade nothing but his works .

L. Another letter to the same extorted after the rest .

C. By interpretation , a Letter whereof his inuention had a hard stoole , and yet it was for his ease , though not for his honestie : and so forth , as the Text shall direct you at large .

Heere beginneth the first Epistle and first Booke of Orator Gabriell to the Catilinaries or Philippicks .

Wherein is diuulged , that venum is venum and will ininfect , that that which is done , cannot ( de facto ) be vndone , that fauour is a curteous Reader , and G.H. your thankfull debter .

A Comment vpon the Text.

THe learned Orator in this Epistle taketh precise order he will not be too eloquent and yet it shall be ( L , ) as well for enditing vnworthie to be published , as for publishing vnworthie to be endited .

C. He had many aduersaries in those times that he wrote , amongst the which Cloth-breeches and Veluet-breeches ( his fathers pouerty , and his owne pride were none of the meanest . )

After them start vp one Pierce Pennilesse , and hee likewise was a stumbling blocke in his way . ( Penurie not long tarries after pride ; pray all the ropes in Saffron Walden that I do not prophesie , ) Amen , Amen , quoth M. Bird and M. Demetrius .

Hee forbeares to speake much in this place of the one or the other , because his letters are more forward to accuse them than their owne books to condemne them ; yet for a touch by the way , hee talks that Greene is no liuerey for this winter , it is pitifully blasted and faded in euerie meade by the strong breath of his barbarisme .

Hee hath a twitch at Pierce Pe●nilesse too , at the parting stile , and tearms him the Deuils Orator by profession , and his Dames Poet by practise : wherein mee thinks ( the surreuerence of his works no● impaired ) he h●th ve●ie highly ouershotte himselfe : for no more is Pierce Pennilesse to be cald the Deuils Orator for making a Supplication to the Deuill , than hee is to bee helde for a Rhethoritian , for setting foorth Gabrielis Scuruei Rhetor , wherein hee thought to haue knockt out the braines of poore Tullies Orator , but in veritie did nothing else but gather a flaunting vnsauory fore-horse no●egay out of his well furnished garland .

The aduancement of the Deuils Oratorship , which he ascribeth to Pierce Pennilesse , me thinks had beene a fit place for his Doctorship , when hee mist the Oratorship of the Vniuersitie , of which in the sequele of his booke he most slanderously complaineth . Doctor Perne , Greene , no dead man he spareth .

What he should subaudi by his Dames Poet , I scarse apprehend , except this , that Pierce his Father was Dame Laws . Poet , and writte many goodly stories of her in An Almond for Parrat .

Those that will take a Lecture in our Orators letters , must not read , excuse , commend , credite or beleeue anie approoued truth in Pierce Pennilesse , especially if it be any thing that vpbraideth the great Baboune brother .

Hee will stoppe the beginning , id est , when hee hath come behind a man and broke his head , seeke to bind him to the good a bearing , or els the ende were like to proue pernitio us and perillous to his confusion .

Somewhat hee mutters of defamation and iust commendation , & what a hell it is for him that hath built his heauen in vaine-glory , to bee puld by the sleeue , and bidde Respice funem , looke backe to his Fathers house ; but I ouerslippe it as friuolous , because all the world knowes him better than he knowes himselfe , & though he play the Pharisie neuer so in iustifiyng his owne innocence , there s none will beleeue him .

Let this bee spoken once for all , as I haue a soule to saue , till this day in all my life with tongue nor penne did I euer in the least worde or tittle derogate from the Doctor . If his brother ( without any former prouocation on my part God is my witnesse ) rayld on me grossely , expresly namde mee , compard me to Martin , indeuord to take from mee all estimation of Arte or witte , haue I not cause to bestirre mee ?

Gabriell , I will bestirre mee for all like an Alehouse Knight thou crau'st of Iustice to do thee reason ; as for impudencie and calumny , I returne them in thy face , that in one booke of tenne sheets of paper , hast publisht aboue two hundred lies .

Had they been wittie lies , or merry lies , they would neuer haue greeu'd mee : but palpable lies , damned lies , lies as big as one of the Guardes chynes of beefe , who can abide ?

I le make thee of my counsaile , because I loue thee ( not : ) when I was in Cambridge and but a childe , I was indifferently perswaded of thee : mee thought by thy apparell and thy gate thou shouldst haue beene a fine fellow : Little did I suspect that thou wert brother to Io. Paean ( whom in wardly I alwaies grudgd at for writing against Aristotle ) or any of the 〈◊〉 of Hempe hall , but a Caualier of a clean contrary house , now thou hast quite spoi●d thy selfe , from the foote to the head I can tell how thou art fashioned .

Teterrime frater , and not fraterrime frater , maist thou verie wofully exclaime , for in helping him thou hast crackt thy credit through the ring , made thy infamie currant as farre as the Queenes coyne goes .

But it may be thou hast a sider cloke for this quarrell , thou wilt obiect thy Father was abusd , & that made thee write . What by mee , or Greeue , or both ?

If by Greene and not mee , thou shouldst haue written against Greene and not mee . If by both , I will answere for both , but not by both , therefore I will aunswere but for one .

Giue an instance if thou canst for thy life , wherin in any leafe of Pierce Penilesse I had so much as halfe a sillables relation to thee , or offred one iot of indignitie to thy Father , more than naming the greatest dignitie he hath , when for varietie of Epithites I calde thy brother the sonne of a Ropemaker .

We shall haue a good sonne of you anone , if you be ashamd of your fathers occupation : ah thou wilt nere thriue , that art beholding to a trade , and canst not abide to heare of it .

Thou dost liue by the gallows , & wouldst not haue a shooe to put on thy foot if thy father had no traffike with the hangman . Had I a Ropemaker to my father , & some body had cast it in my teeth , I would foorthwith haue writ in praise of Ropemakers , & prou'd it by sound sillogistry to be one of the 7. liberal sciences .

Somewhat I am priuie to the cause of Greenes inueighing against the three brothers . Thy hot-spirited brother Richard ( a notable ruffian with his pen ) hauing first tooke vpon him in his blundring Persiual to play the Iacke of both sides twixt Martin and vs , and snarld priuily at Pap-hatchet , Pasquill , & others , that opposde themselues against the open slaunder of that mightie platformer of Atheisme , presently after dribbed forth another fooles bolt , a booke I shoulde say , which he christened The Lambe of God .

That booke was a learned booke , a labourd booke ; for three yere before he put it in print , he had preacht it all without booke .

I my selfe haue some of it in a booke of Setmons that my Tutor at Cambridge made mee gather euery Sunday . Then being very yoong , I counted it the abiectest and frothiest forme of Diuinitie that came in that place . Now more confirmed in age and Art , I confirme my ill opinion of it .

Neither do I vrge this as if it were a hainous thing for a man to put sermons in print after hee preacht them , but obserue the proud humor of the pert Didimus , that thinks nothing hee speakes but deserues to be put in print , and speakes not that sentence in the Pulpit , which before he rough hewes not ouer with his penne . Besides , I taxe him for turning an olde coate ( like a Broker ) and selling it for a new .

These and a thousand more imperfections might haue beene buried with his bookes in the bottome of a drie-fatte , and there slept quietly amongst the shauings of the Presse , if in his Epistle he had not beene so arrogantly censoriall .

Not mee alone did hee reuile and dare to the combat , but g●ickt at Pap-hatchet once more , and mistermed all our other Poets and writers about London , piperly make-pla●es and make-bates .

Hence Greene , beeing chiefe agent for the companie ( for hee writ more than foure other , how well I will not say : but Sat citò , si sat benè ) tooke occasion to canuaze him a lit●le ●in his Cloth-breeches and Veluet breeches , and because by some probable collections hee gest the elder brothers hand was in it , he coupled them both in one yoake and to fulfill the prouerbe Tria sunt omnia thrust in the third brother who made a perfect parriall of Pamphleters .

About some seauen or eight lines it was which hath pluckt on an inuectiue of so many leaues . Had hee liu'd Gabriel , and thou shouldst so vnarteficially and odiously libeld against him as thou hast done , he would haue made thee an example of ignominy to all ages that are to come , and driuen thee to eate thy owne booke butterd , as I sawe him make an Apparriter once in a Tauern eate his Citation waxe and all , very handsomly seru'd twixt two dishes .

Out vppon thee for an arrant dog-killer , strike a man when he is dead , So Hares may pull dead Lions by the beards . Memorandum , I borrowed this sentence out of a Play . The Theater Poets hall , hath many more such prouerbes to persecute thee with , because thou hast so scornefully derided their profession , and despitefully maligned honest sports .

Before I vnbowell the leane Carcase of thy book any further , I le drinke one cup of lambswooll , to the Lambe of God and his enemies .

In the first foure leaues of it I haue singled out these Godly and fruitfull obseruations .

Noble Lord I doe it euen vpon former premisses , not for any future consequents .

My booke is not worthy of so honorable specialitie as your Patronage .

I will not prosecute it with Theologicall peculiars , but from the mouth of the sword I speake , &c.

The hearts of the wicked pant , their spirits faile them , they may well call for butter out of a Lordlie dish .

You that bee gentle Readers doe you not laugh at this Lawiers english of former premisses and future consequents ▪

O finica●l●tie your Patronages speciallitie , but if he prosecute it with Theologicall peculiars , we must needs thrust him inter oues & boues , & reliqua pecora campi .

From the mouth of the sword I speake it , that butter out of a Lordly dish is but lewd diet for the Pulpit .

But this is not halfe the littour of inckehornisme , that those foure pages haue pigd . I must tell you of the Octonarium of Ramus , the Sesquiamus of Phrigius , the Carthusianisme of Gulielmus Rikel , of Annals Diaries , Chronologies & Tropologicall schoolemen , The Abetilis of the Aethiopians or Pret●ioannans , of Gulielmus minatensis , & S. Ierome all●gorized & Ab dias , Lyra , Gryson , Porta , Pantaleon .

All which hee reckons vp to make the world beleeue he hath read much but alleadgeth nothing out of them : Nor I thinke on my conscience euer read or knew what they meane , but as he hath stole them by the wholesale out of some Booksellers Catalogue , or a table of Tractats .

Here are some of his profounde Annotations , Iacob tooke Leah for his bed fellowe in the darke by night in steede of Rachell , whereby I learne to buy my wife candle to goe to bed withall , and admit her not by darke but by light .

Iacob was deceiued by Labans words : ergo , Obligations are better than bils , and we must belieue no man except he will waxe and multiplie in words , and call inke & parchment to witnes .

Iacob laide pilled rods with white strakes in the watring places of the sheepe , whereby I note that in carnal mixture the senses are opened .

Iudge you that be the Fathers of the Church whether this be fit matter to edifie or no.

It was not for nothing brother Richard that Greene told you you kist your Parishioners wiues with holy kisses , for you that wil talk of opening the senses by carnal mixture ( the very act of lecherie ) in a Theological Treatise , and in the Pulpit , I am afraide in a priuater place you will practise as much as you speake . Homines rarò nisi male locuti malè faciunt . Olet hircum , olet hircum , anie modest eare would abhorre to heare it .

Farewell vncleane Vicar , and God make thee an honest man , for thou art too baudy for mee to deale withall .

It followes in the Text.

To my verie good friend Maister Emanuell Demetrius .

This Letter of M. Bird to M. Demetrius , shoulde seeme by all reference or collation of stiles , to bee a Letter which M. Birds secretarie Doctour Gabriell indited for him in his owne praise , and got him to sette hand to when he had done . Or rather it is no letter , but a certificate ( such as Rogues haue ) from the head men of the Parish where hee was borne , that Gabriel is an excellent generall Scholler , and his Father of good behauiour .

We will not beleeue it except wee see the Towne seale sette to it : but say wee should beleeue it , what doth it make for thee ? Haue the Townesmen of Saffron Waldon euer heard thee preach , that they should commend thee for an excellent generall scholler ? or ( because thou professest thy self a Ciuilian ▪ hast thou sollicited any of their causes in the bawdy Courtes therabouts . If not , go your wayes a dolt as you came , Maister Birdes Letter shall not repriue you from the ladder .

But Veluet-breeches and Cloth-breeches ( by the iudgement of the best man of none of the least towns in Essex ) is a fantasticall and fond Dialogue , and one of the most licentious intollerable inuectiues that euer hee read .

Why ?

In it is abused an auncient neighbour of his .

How is he abused ?

Instead of his name , hee is called by the craft hee gets his liuing with .

He hath borne office in Walden aboue twenty yere since ( hoc est had the keeping of the Towne stocke , alias the stocks ) Ergo he is no Rope-maker .

He hath maintaind f●ure sonnes at Caembridge : Ergo Greene is a lewd fellow to say he gets his liuing backward .

Three of his sonnes vniuersally ridiculouslie reputed of ( for inamoratos on their owne works ) in both Vniuersities and the whole Realme . The fourth is shrunke in the wetting , or else the Print shoulde haue heard of him .

One of the three ( whom the Quip entitles the Physition ) returning sicke from Norwitch to Linne in Iulie last , was past writing any more Almanackes , before Greene ere imagined God had thought so well of him to take him to him .

Liuor post quiescat . Mother Liuers of Newington is a better fortune-teller than he was a Phisition .

A Dash through the dudgen Sonnet against Greene . . Put vp thy smiter O gentle Peter , Author and halter make but ill meeter . I scorne to answer thy mishapen rime , Blocks haue cald schollers bayards ere this time .

I would trot a false gallop through the rest of his ragged Verses , but that if I should retort his rime dogrell aright , I must make my verses ( as he doth his ) run hobling like a Brewers Cart vpon the stones , and obserue no length in their feete ▪ which were absurdum per absurdius , to infect my vaine with his imitation .

The Analasis of the whole is this : an olde mechanical meeter-munger would faine raile if he had anie witte . If Greene were dogge-sicke and brain-sicke , sure he ( poore secular Satirist ) is dolt-sicke and brainlesse that with the toothlesse gums of his Poetry so betuggeth a dead man .

But I cannot be induced to be●eue a graue man of his sort shou●d be ere so rauingly bent : when all co●s to all , shortest vowels and longest mutes will bewray it to bee a webbe of your owne loomes M. Gabriel ▪ you mute foorth many such phrases in the course of your booke , which I will point at as I passe by .

I will not robbe you of your due commendation in any thing : in this Sonnet you haue counterfeited the stile of the olde Vice in the Morrals , as right vp and downe as may be .

Let. Greene the Conny catcher of this dreame the author , For his daintie deuise deserueth the hau●er . Vice . Hey nan a non sir , soft let mee make water , Whip it to go , I le kisse my maisters daughter . Tum diddy , tum da , falangtedo diddle , Sol la me fa sol , conatus in fiddle .

I am afraide your Doctors fart will fall out to be a fatall foyst to your breeches , if we followe you at the hard heeles as we haue begun .

Thou shalt not breath a whit , trip and goe , turne ouer a new leafe .

Maister Bird in the absence of M. Demetrius . Perge porrò . I found his wife curteous , barlady sir but that is suspitious .

A woman is well holpen vp that does you any curtesie in the absence of her husband , when you cannot keepe it to yourselfe , but you must blab it in print .

If it were any other but Mistris Demetrius ( whome I haue heard to be a modest sober woman , and indued with many vertues ) I would play vpon it a litle more . In regard that shee is so , I forbeare ; and craue pardon in that I haue spoken so much .

Yet would I haue her vnderstand , how well the generall scholler her guest hath rewarded hir for his kind entertainment , by bringing her name in question in print .

M. Bird and Demetrius , I knowe neither of you by sight , but this Ile say , being of that welth you are , you had better haue spent a great deale of money , than come in the mouth of this base companion .

What reason haue I ( seeing your names subscribed as his bolsterer , in a matter of defame that concernes mee ) but to go through s●itch with you as well as him .

He thinks to ouer-beare vs as poore beggers with the great ostentation of your rich acquaintance .

Lette all Noblemen take heede how they giue this Thraso the least becke or countenance , for if they bestowe but hal●e a glaunce on him , he le straight put it verie solemnly in print , and make it ten times more than it is .

I le tell you a merry ieast .

The time was when this Timothie Tiptoes made a Latine Oration to her Maiestie . Her Highnes as shee is vnto all her subiects most gratious : so to schollers she is more louing and affable than any Prince vnder heauen . In which respect , of her owne vertue and not his desert , it pleased hir so to humble the height of hir iudgement , as to grace him a little whiles he was pronouncing , by these or such like tearmes . T is a good pretie fellow , a lookes like an Italian , and after hee had concluded , to call him to kisse her royall hand . Herevppon hee goes home to his studie all intraunced , and writes a whole volume of Verses ; first De vultu Itali , of the countenance of the Italian ; and then De osculo manus , of his kissing the Queenes hande . Which two Latin Poems he publisht in a booke of his cald Aedes Valdinenses , proclaiming thereby ( as it were to England , Fraunce , Italie and Spaine , what fauour hee was in with her Maiestie .

I dismisse this Parenthesis , and come to his next businesse , which indeede is his first businesse : for tyll Greene awakte him out of his selfe admiring contemplation , hee had nothing to doe , but walke vnder the Ewe tree at Trinitie hall , and say : What may I call this tree , an Ewe tree O bonny Ewe tree , Needes to thy boughs will bow this knee , and va●le my bonneto , Or make verses of weathercocks on the top of steeples , as he did once of the weathercocke of Alhallows in Cambridge : O thou weathercocke that stands on the top of the Church of Alhallows , Come thy waies down if thou darst for thy crowne and take the wall on vs .

O Heathenish and Pagan Hexamiters , come thy waies down from thy Doctourship , & learne thy Primer of Poetry ouer again , for certainly thy pen is in state of a Reprobate with all men of iudgement and reckoning .

Come thy waies downe from thy Doctourship said I ? Erraui demens thou neuer wentst vp to it yet .

Fie on hypocrisie and Dissimulation , that men should make themselues better than they are .

Alas a Gods will thou art but a plaine moth eaten Maister of Art , and neuer pollutedst thy selfe with any plaister of Doctourship .

List Pauls Churchyard ( the peruser of euerie mans works & Exchange of all Authors ) you are a many of you honest fellows , and fauour men of wit .

So it is that a good Gowne and a well pruned paire of moustachios , hauing studied sixteene yeare to make thirteene ill english Hexameters , came to the Vniuersity Court regentium & non to sue for a commission to carry two faces in a hoode , they not vsing to deny honour to any man that deserued it , bad him performe all the Schollerlike ceremonies and disputatiue right appertaining thereto , and he should bee installed .

Noli me tangere , he likt none of that .

A stripling that hath an indifferent prety stocke , of reputation abroade in the worlde already , and some credit amongst his neighbours as he thinketh , would be loth to ieoperd all at one throwe at the dice .

If hee should haue disputed for his degree , discended in arenam & puluerem Philosophicum , and haue beene foild . Aih me quoth Wit in lamentable sort , what should haue become of him , hee might haue beene shot through ere hee were aware with a Sillogisme .

No point , Ergo , it were wisely done of goodman Boores sonne if he should goe to the warres for honor and returne with a wodden legge , when he may buy a Captaineship at home better cheape .

Pumps and Pantofles because they were well blackt and glistered iolly freshly on it , being rubd ouer with inke , had their grace at length to be Doctour Ea lege , that they should do their acts ( that is , performe more than they were able )

Curst be the time that euer there were any obligations made with conditions , Vnde habeas quaerit nemo sed oportet habere , Howe Dorbell comes to bee Doctour none asks , but Doctour hee must bee to make him right worshipfull .

Acts are but idle wordes , and the Scripture saith , wee must giue account for euery idle word .

Pumps and Pantofles sweare they will iet away with a cleare conscience at the daie of iudgement , and therfore do no Acts , giue no offence with idle words , onelie like a Hauke let flie at a Partridge , that turnes the taile and betakes her to a walnut-tree , so to Oxford they trudge hauing their grace ad disputandum , and there are confirmed in the same degree they took at Cambridge : which is as if a Prentise heere in London , as soone as hee is enrould , should runne to some such Towne as Ipswich , and there craue to haue his Freedome confirmd as of London , which in truth is no Freedome because hee hath not seru'd out his prentiship .

Trust mee not for a dodkin , if there bee not all the Doctourship hee hath , yet will the insolent inkehorne worme write himselfe Right worshipfull of the Lawes , and personate this man and that man , calling him my good friend Maister Doctour at euery word .

Doctour or no Doctour Greene surfeted not of Pickled hearing but of an exceeding feare of his Familiar Epistles .

Hee offred in his extreamest want twentie shillings to the Printer to leaue out the matter of the three brothers .

Haud facile credo , I am sure the Printer beeing of that honestie that I take him for , will not affirme it .

Marry this I must say , there was a learned Doctour of Phisicke ( to whom Greene in his sickenesse sent for counsaile ) that hauing read ouer the booke of Veluet breeches and Clothbreeches , and laughing merrilie at the three brothers legend , wild Green in any case either to mittigate it or leaue it out : Not for any extraordinarie account hee made of the fraternitie of fooles , but for one of them was proceeded in the same facultie of Phisicke hee profest , and willinglie hee would haue none of that excellent calling ill spoken off .

This was the cause of the altring of it , the feare of his Phisitions displeasure , not any feare else .

I keepe your conscious minde with all other odde ends of your halfe fac'd english till the full conclusion of my booke , where in an honorable Index they shall be placed according to their degree and segnioritie .

We are to vexe you mightely for plucking Elderton out of the ashes of his Ale , and not letting him inioy his nappie muse of ballad making to himselfe , but now when he is as dead as dead beere , you must bee finding fault with the brewing of his meeters .

Hough Thomas Delone , Phillip Stubs , Robert Armin , &c. Your father Elderton is abus'd . Reuenge , reuenge on course paper and want of matter , that hath most sacriligiously contaminated the diuine spirit & quintessence of a penny a quart .

Helter skelter , feare no colours , course him , trounce him , one cup of perfect bonauenture licour will inspire you with more wit and Schollership than hee hath thrust into his whole packet of Letters .

You that bee lookers on perhaps imagine I talke like a merry man , and not in good earnest when I say that Eldertons ghost and Gabriel are at such ods : but then you knowe nothing , for there hath beene monstrous emulation twixt Elderton and him time out of mind . Yea , they were riuals in riming foure yeare before the great frost . Hee expressely writ against him , 1580. In his short but sharpe and learned iudgement of Earthquakes .

Broome boyes , and cornecutters , ( or whatsoeuer trade is more contemptible ) come not in his way , stand fortie foote from the execution place of his furie , for else in the full tide of his standish he will carrie your occupations handsmooth out of towne before him , besmeare them , drowne them , downe the riuer they goe Priuily to the Ile of Dogges with his Pamphlets .

O it is a pestilent libeller against beggers , hee meanes shortly to set foorth a booke cald his Paraphrase vpon Paris Garden , wherein hee will so tamper with the interpreter of the Puppits , and betouse Harry of Tame and great Ned , that Titius shall not vpbraid Caius with euerie thing and nothing , nor Zoylus anie more flurt Homer , nor Thersites fling at Agamemnon .

Holla , holla , holla , flurt , fling , what reasty Rhetoricke haue we here ? certes , certes brother hoddy doddy , your penne is a coult by cockes body .

As touching the libertie of Orators and Poets , I will conferre with thee somewhat grauely , although thou beest a goose-cappe and hast no iudgement .

A libertie they haue thou sayst , but no liberty without bounds , no licence without limitation .

Iesu what mister wonders dost thou tell vs ? euery thing hath an end , and a pudding hath two .

That libertie Poets of late in their inuectiues haue exceeded , they haue borne their sword vp , where it is not lawfull for a poynado that is but the page of prowesse to intermeddle .

Thou bringst in Mother Hubbard for an instance . Go no further , but here confesse thy selfe a flat nodg-scombe before all this congregation ; for thou hast dealt by thy friend as homely as thou didst by thy father .

Who publikely accusde or of late brought Mother Hubbard into question , that thou shouldst by rehearsall rekindle against him the sparkes of displeasure that were quenched ?

Forgot hee the pure sanguine of his Fairy Queene sayst thou ?

A pure sanguine sot art thou , that in vaine-glory to haue Spencer known for thy friend , and that thou hast some interest in him , censerest him worse than his deadliest enemie would do .

If any man were vndeseruedly toucht in it , thou hast reuiued his disgrace that was so toucht in it , by renaming it , when it was worn out of al mens mouths and minds .

Besides , whereas before I thought it a made matter of some malitious moralizers against him , and no substance of slaunder in truth , now when thou ( that proclaimest thy selfe the only familiar of his bosome , and therefore shouldst know his secretes ) giues it out in print that he ouershotte himselfe therein ; it cannot chuse but be suspected to be so indeed .

Immortall Spencer , no frailtie hath thy fame , but the imputation of this Idiots friendship : vpon an vnspotted Pegasus should thy gorgeous attired Fayrie Queene ride triumphant through all reports dominions , but that this mud-born bubble , this bile on the browe of the Vniuersitie , this bladder of pride newe blowne , challengeth some interest in her prosperitie .

Of pitch who hath any vse at all , shall be abusd by it in the end .

High grasse that florisheth for a season on the house toppe , fadeth before the haruest cals for it , and maye well make a fayre shewe , but hath no sweetnesse in it . Such is this Asse in present , this grosse painted image of pride , who would faine counterfeite a good witte , but scornfull pittie his best patron , knows it becomes him as ill , as an vnweldy Elephant to imitate a whelpe in his wantonnes .

I wote not how it fals out , but his inuention is ouer-weapond ; he hath some good words , but he cannot writhe them and tosse them to and fro nimbly , or so bring them about , that hee maye make one streight thrust at his enemies face .

Coldly and dully idem per idem who cannot indite ? but with life and spirit to limne deadnes it selfe , Hoc est Oratoris proprium .

L. Inuectiues by fauour haue beene too bolde , and Satires by vsurpation too presumptuous . What pleasure brings this to the reader ? Iacke of the Falcon in Cambridge can say as much and giue no reason for it .

But I can prompt you with a demonstration wherin Inuectiues haue been too bold . Do you remember what you writ in your Item for Earthquakes , of double fac'd Iani , changeable Cameleons , Aspen leaues painted sheathes , and sepulchers , Asses in Lions skinnes , dunghill cockes slipperie eeles , dormise , &c. Besides your testimoniall of Doctour Perne , wherein it pleased you of your singular liberalitie and bountie to bestowe vpon this beautifull Encomium : A busie and dizzie head , a brazen fore head , a leaden braine , a wodden witte , a copper face , a stonie brest , a factious and eluish heart , a founder of nouelties , a confounder of his owne and his friendes good giftes , a morning booke-worme , an afternoone malt-worme , a right Iugler , as full of his sleightes , wiles fetches , casts of legerdemaine , toyes to mocke Apes wiehall , odde shifts and knauish practises as his skinne can holde .

Notwithstanding all this , you defie cut and longtaile , that can accuse you of any scandalous part either in word or deede .

Tully , Horace , Archilochus , Aristophanes , Lucian , Iulian , Aretine , goe for no paiment with you , their declamatory stiles brought to the grand test of your iudgement , are found counterfeit , they are a venemous and viperous brood of railers , because they haue broght in a new kind of a quicke fight , which your decrepite slow-mouing capacitie cannot fadge with .

Tush , tush , you take the graue peake vppon you too much , who would think you could so easily shake off your olde friendes ? Did not you in the fortie one Page line 2. of your Epistles to Collin Clout vse this speech ?

Extra iocum , I like your Dreames passing well : and the rather because they sauor of that singular extraordinary vaine and inuention which I euer fancied most ▪ and in a manner admired onely in Lucian , Petrarch , Aretine , Pasquil.

Dic sodes ( god a mercie on Dicke Sothis sou●e , for he was a better dauncer than thou art an enditer , & with his legges he made some Musicke , there is none in thy letters ) answere mee briefly I say to the point , haue I varied one vowell from thy originall text in this allegation . If not , I cannot see how the Doctours may well bee reconcild , one while to commend a man because his writings sauour of that singular extraordinarie vaine , which he onely admired in Lucian , Petrarch , Aretine , Pasquil : and then in another booke afterward to come and call those singular extraordinarie admired men , a venemous and viperous brood of railers .

The auncienter sort of Poets and Oratours shall plead their owne worthinesse .

Tullie neuer ouerreached himself in railing so much as in flatterie . His Phillippicks ( sound Physick applide to a body that could not disgest it ) are the things that especially commended him to this art-thriuing age of ours , and had not these beene , hee would certainely haue beene sentenced by a generall verdit of histories , for a timerous time-pleaser .

Who cannot draw a curtaine before a deformed picture . Plautus personated no Parasite , but he made him a slaue or a bondman .

Fawning and croutching are the naturall gestures of feare , and if it bee a vertue for a vassaile to licke a mans shooes with his tongue , sure it is but borrowed from the dogges , and so is biting too , if it bee accompanied with ouer lowd barking , or in such wise as it cannot pinch but it must breake the flesh and drawe bloud .

Horace , Perseus , Iuuenall , my poore iudgment lendeth you plentifull allowance of applause : yet had you with the Phrigian melodie , that stirreth men vp to battaile and furie , mixt the Dorian tune that fauoreth mirth and pleasure , your vnsugred pi●les ( howeuer excellently medicinable ) would not haue beene so harsh in the swallowing . So likewise Archilochus , thou like the preachers to the Curtizans in Roome , that expound to them all Lawe and no Gospell , art all gall and no spleene . Hence came it to passe , that with the meere effect of thy incensed Iambickes thou mad●st a man runne and hang himselfe that had angerd thee .

Thee I imbrace Aristophanes , not so much for thy Comoedie of the clowd which thou wrotst against philosophers , as for in al other thy inuentions thou interfusest delight with reprehension .

Lucian , Iulian , Aretine , all three admirably blest in the abundant giftes of art and nature : yet Religion which you sought to ruinate , hath ruinated your good names , and the opposing of your eyes against the bright sunne , hath causd the worlde condemne your sight in all other thinges . I protest were you ought else but abhominable Atheistes , I would obstinately defende you , onely because Laureate Gabriell articles against you .

This I will iustifie against any Dromidote Ergonist whatsoeuer , there is no other vnlasciuious vse or end of poetry , but to infamize vice , and magnifie vertue , and that if they assemble all the examples of verse-founders from Homer to Hugh Copland , they shall not find anie of them but hath encountred with the generall abuses of his times .

Whatsoeuer harpeth not of one these two strings of praise and reproofe , is as it were a Dirige in pricksong without any dittie set to it , that haply may tickle the eare , but neuer edifies .

In the Romaine common-wealths it was lawful for Poets to reproue that enormitie in the highest chairs of authoritie , which none else durst touch , alwaies the sacred Maiestie of their Augustus kept inuiolate : for that was a Plannet exalted aboue their Hexameter horizon , & it was capitall to them in the highest degree to dispute of his setting and rising , or search inquisitiuely into his predominance and influence .

The secrets of God must not be searcht into . Kings are Gods on earth , their actions must not be sounded by their subiects .

Seneca Neroes Tutor , founde his death in no verse but Octauia . Imperious Lucan sprinkled but one drop of bloud on his imperiall chayre , and perisht by him also .

Ouid once saw Augustus in a place where he would not haue beene seene , he was exilde presently to those countries no happy man hears of .

Long might hee in a blinde Metamorphosis haue playd vppon all the wenches in Roome , and registred their priuie scapes , vpbrayded in hospitalitie with the fable of Licaon : alluded to some Ambodexter Lawyer vnder the storie of Battus : haue described a noted vnthrift , whose substaunce hawkes and houndes haue deuoured , in the tale of Acteon , that was eaten vp by his owne dogges : mockt Alcumistes with Midas : picturde inamaratos vnder Narcissas : and shrouded a picked effeminate Carpet Knight vnder the fictionate person of Hermophroditus ; with a thousand more such vnexileable ouer-thwart merrimentes , if lust had not led him beyond the prospect of his birth , or hee seene a meaner man sinning than an Emperour .

Sancta Maria ora pro nobis , how hath my pen lost it selfe in a croude of Poets .

Gaffer Iobbernoule , once more well ouer-taken , how dost thou , how dost thou ? holde vp thy heade man , take no care , though Greene be dead , yet I may liue to doe thee good .

But by the meanes of his death thou art depriued of the remedie in lawe , which thou intendedst to haue had against him for calling thy Father Ropemaker Mas that s true , what Action will it beare ? Nihil pro nihilo , none in law , what it will doe vpon the stage● cannot tell ; for there a man maye make action besides his part , when he hath nothing at all to say : and if there , it is but a clownish action that it will beare : for what can bee made of a Ropemaker more than a Clowne . Will Kempe , I mistrust it will fall to thy lot for a merriment one of these dayes .

In short tearmes thus I demur vpon thy long Kentish-tayld declaration against Greene . .

Hee inherited more vertues than vices , a iolly long red peake like the spire of a steeple hee cherisht continually without cutting , where●t a man might hang a Iewell , it was so sharpe and pendant .

Why should art answer for the infirmities of maners ? Hee had his faultes , and thou thy follyes .

Debt and deadly sinne who is not subiect to ? with any notorious crime I neuer knew him tainted ; ( & yet tainting is no infamous surgerie for him that , hath beene in so many hote skirmishes ) .

A good f●llowe hee was , and would haue drunke with thee for more angels then the Lord thou libeldst on , gaue thee in Christs Colledge , and in one yeare hee pist as much against the walls , as thou and thy two brothers spent in three .

In a night & a day would he haue yarkt vp a Pamphlet as well as in seauen yeare , and glad was that Printer that might bee so blest to pay him deare for the very dregs of his wit .

Hee made no account of winning credite by his workes , as thou dost , that dost no good workes , but thinkes to bee famosed by a strong faith of thy owne worthines , his only care was to haue a spel in his purse to coniure vp a good cuppe of wine with at all times .

For the lowsie circumstance of his pouerty before his death , and sending that miserable writte to his wife , it cannot be but thou lyest learned Gabriell .

I and one of my fellowes Will . Monox ( Hast thou neuer heard of him and his great dagger ? ) were in company with him a month before he died , at that fatall banquet of Rhenish wine and pickled hearing , ( if thou wilt needs haue it so ) and then the inuentorie of his apparrell came to more than three shillings ( though thou saist the contrarie . ) I know a Broker in a spruce leather ierkin with a great number of golde Rings on his fingers , and a bunch of keies at his girdle , shall giue you thirty shillings for the doublet alone , if you can helpe him to it . Harke in your eare , hee had a very faire Cloake with sleeues , of a graue goose ●urd greene , it would ●erue you as fine as may bee : No more words if you bee wise play the good husband and listen after it , you may buy it ten shillings better cheape than it cost him . By S. Siluer it is good to bee circumspect in casting for the worlde , there s a great many ropes go to ten shillings . If you want a greasy paire of silk stockings also to shew your selfe in at the Court , they are there to be had too amongst his moueables . Frustra fit per plura quod fieri potest per pauciora : It is policie to take a rich penniworth whiles it is offred .

Alas euen his fellow writer that proper yoong man , almost scorns to cope with thee thou art such a crow troden Asse : dost thou in some respectes wish him well and spare his name ? in some respects so doth hee wish thee as well ? ( hoc est , to be as well knowne for a foole as my Lord Welles ) and promiseth by me to talke very sparingly of thy praise . For thy name , hee will not stoupe to plucke it out of the mire , and put it in his mouth .

By this blessed cuppe of sacke which I now holde in my hand , and drinke to the health of all Christen soules in , thou art a puissant Epitapher .

Yea ? thy Muses foot of the twelues ; old long Meg of Westminster ? Then I trowe thou wilt stride ouer Greenes graue and not stumble : If you doe , wee shall come to your taking vp .

Letter . Here lies the man whom Mistris Isam cround with bays , She , she that ioyd to heare her Nightingales sweete lays . Comment. Here Mistris Isam Gabriel floutes thy bays , Scratch out his eyes that printeth thy dispraise .

She , she will scratch , and like a scritching night-owle come and make a dismal noise vnder thy chamber windowe for deriding her so dunstically . A bigge fat lusty wench it is , that hath an arme like an Amazon , and will bang thee abhominationly if euer shee catch thee in her quarters . It is not your Poet Garish , and your forehorse of the parish that shall redeeme you from her fingers , but shee will make actuall proofe of you , according as you desire of God in the vnder following lines .

The next weeke Maister Bird ( if his inke-pot haue a cleare current ) hee will haue at you with a cap-case full of French occur●ences , that is , shape you a messe of newes out of the second course of his conceit , as his brother is said out of the fabulous abundance of his braine to haue inuented the newes out of Calabria , ( Iohn Doletas prophesie of flying dragons , commets , Earthquakes , and inundations . )

I am sure it is not yet worne out of mens scorn , for euery Miller made a comment of it , and not an oyster wife but mockt it .

When that fly-boat of Frenchery is once launcht , your trenchor attendant Gamaliel Hobgoblin intends to tickle vp a Treatise of the barly kurnell which you set in your garden , out of which ther● sprung ( as you auouched ( twelue seuerall eares of corne at one time .

Redoubted Parma was neuer so matcht if hee kindle the match of his meeterdome , and let d●iue at him with a volley of verses . Let not his principalitie trust too much to it , because his name is Latin for a shield ; for Poet Hobbinoll hauing a gallant wit and a brazen penne , will honourably bethinke him , and euen ambitiously frame his stile to a noble emulation of Liuie , Homer , and the diuinest spirites of all ages , as hee hath done to the emulation of Tullie heeretofore , when hee compiled a Pamphlet , called Ciceranis Consolatio ad Dolobellam , and publisht it as a newe part of Tull●e , which had bin hidde in a Wall a thousand and odde yeares and was found out by him before it euer found beeing .

The circumstance was this ; going downe the water at Cambridge one summer euening , and asking certaine questions of the Eccho at Barnewell wall ( as the manner is passing by ) holding her verie narrowly to the poynt , she reuealed vnto him what a treasure shee had hidden amongst her stones ; namely , this new part of Gabrielis Ciceronis consolatio ad Dolobellam : and though she was verie loath to disclose it , yet because shee knewe not how soone God might call her ; videlicet , how sodainely shee might fall ; to discharge her conscience before her death , shee would deliuer it vp as freely vnto him as euer it was hers , come and digge for it hee shoulde haue it . Neuer more glad was shee in her life , that since shee must needes surrender it to the light , she had chaunst vppon such a Cardinall Corrigidore of incongruitie , and Tullies nexte and immediate successour vnder Garre , to whose carefull repolishing she might commit it .

Keepe it quoth she ?

No , if it were a booke of golde it is THINE , reade it , new print it , dedicate it from thy gallery at Trinitie Hall to whom thou wilt .

Whether hee vsde a spade or a mattocke for the vnburying of it I know not , but extant it is , and of a hundred I haue heard that it is his .

O Gabriell , if thou hast any manhood in thy starcht peake , looke vpon me and weepe not .

From this day forward shall a whole army of boies come wondring about thee as thou goest in the street and cry kulleloo , kulleloo , with whup hoo , there goes the Ape of Tully : uh he he , steale Tully , steale Tully , away with the Asse in the Lions skinne .

Nay but in sadnesse , is it not a sinfull thing for a Scholler & a Christian to turne Tully ? a Turke would neuer doe it .

Be counsaild in thy calamitie , write no more Consola●ios ad Dolabellam , but Consolatio ad Doctorem Gabrielem ; thy selfe comfort thy selfe , and earn to make a vertue of contempt .

Ad ruentem parietem ne inclina , is a Prouerbe which would haue preuented all this , if thou couldst haue sufferd thy selfe to haue beene directed by it : for first and formost hadst not thou stept forrh to vnder-prop the ruinous wall of thy brothers reputation , I had neuer medled with thee ; if thou hadst not leand too much to an olde wall , when thou pluckst Tullie out of a wall , the damnation of this Iest had bin yet vnbegotten .

He that hath born saile in two tempests of shame , makes a sport of shippe-wracke of good name euer after .

The wall of the welfare of Fraunce that is started from her King , her true foundation , thy writinges ( more wretched than France ) would faine cleaue vnto if they could tell how , and count it a felicity to haue the oportunitie of so heroicall an argument .

God helpe Alexander if hee haue no other Poet to emblazon his atchieuements but Cherillus .

High resolued Earle of Essex and vertuous Sir Iohn Norris Englands champions , enuied tranquilities confidence , vnworthy are your aduentures Iliades to bee reported by such a ragged reede , as the iarring Pipe of this Batillus . The Portugals & Frenchmens feare will lend your Honors richer ornaments , than his low-flighted affection ( fortunes summer folower ) can frame them .

The seale that I set to your vertues be silence ; the argument of prayse is vnauthorized in any mans mouth but olde age .

When the better parte of youthes feruence is boyld away , and that the showres of many sorrowes haue seasond our greene heads with experience , with the wither-fac'd weather-beaten Mariner , that talks quaking and shudderingly of a storme that hee hath newly toyld through , our wordes will bee written in our visage

Euen as the sunne , so no science shines in his compleate glory till it be ready to decline .

These be the conclusions that gray hairs prune & cut downe the prosperitie of yong yeares with as fast as it aspires , but let the seare Oake looke himselfe in the glasse of truth , and he shal find that Methusalems blessing is imbecillitie bestowed on any creature but the Foxe , who neuer is a right Foxe till he be ripe for the dunghill .

If my stile holde on this sober Mules pace but a sheete or two further , I shall haue a long beard lyke an Irish mantle droppe out of my mouth before I be aware .

Marry God ●orfend , for at no hand can I endure to haue my cheeks muffled vp in furre like a Muscouian , or weare any of this Welch freeze on my face .

O it is a miserable thing to dresse haire like towe twixt a mans teeth , when one cannot drinke but hee must thrust a great spunge into the cup , & so cleanse his coole porridge as it were through a strayner ere it comes to his lippes .

This second Epistle I haue said prettily well too , I thinke we were best begin THIRDLY WHEREAS , for feare a volume steale vpon vs vnlookt for .

The Arrainment and Execution of the third Letter . To euerie Reader fauourably or indifferently affected .

TEXT stand to the Barre . Peace there belowe .

Albeit for these twelue or thirteene yeares no man hath beene more loath or more scrupulous than my selfe &c.

The body of mee hee begins like a proclamation : sufficeth it wee knowe you your minde though you say no more .

Is not this your drift ? you would haue the worlde suppose you were vrgde to that which proceeded of your owne good nature : like some that will seeme to bee intreated to take a high place of preferment vppon them , which priuilie before they haue prayde and payde for , and put all their strength to clymbe vp to .

You would foist in non causam pro causa , haue it thought your flight from your olde companions obscuritie and silence was onely with Aeneas to carry your Father on your backe through the fire of slaunder , and by that shift with a false plea of patience vniustly driuen from his kingdome , filch away the harts of the Queenes liege people .

The backe of those creple excuses I haue broke in the beginning o● my booke , if you haue anie new inf●ingement to destitute the inditement of forgerie that I bring against you , so it is .

Heere enters Argumentum a testimonio humano , like Tamberlaine drawne in a Cha●iot by foure Kings .

I THAT IN MY YOVTH FLATTERD NOT MY SELFE WITH THE EXCEEDING COMMENDATION OF THE GREATEST SCHOLLER IN THE WORLD , &c.

Ille ego qui quondam gracili modulatus auena .

Ah neighbourhood , neighbourhood , dead and buried a●t thou with Robinhood , a poore creature here is faine to commend himselfe , for want of friendes to speake for him .

Not the least , but the greatest Schollers in the WORLD , haue not only but exceedingly fedde him fat in his humor of Braggadochio Glorioso .

Yea Spencer him hath often Homer tearmd , And Mounsier Bodkin vowd as much as he : Yet cares not Nashe for him a halfe peny .

Lamentable , lamentable , that an indifferent vntoward ciuill Lawyer , who hath read Plutarch Devtilitate capienda ab inimicis , & can talke of Titius and Semprouius , shou'd be no more set by , but SET BY , thrust aside , while his betters carry the bredth of the street before them .

Misery will humble the haughtiest heart in the world : Habemus reum confuentē , he confesseth himself a sinner in vnsufficiency , yet for all that the adue●si●ie of vniuersall obloquy hath laide a heauie hande on him , still he retaineth ( like conceald land ) some part of his proud mind in a beggers purse , scorneth to say Fortune my foe , or aske a good word for Gods sake of anie man .

In the plainnesse of his puft vp nature , he will defie anie man that dare accuse him of that he is .

Why ▪ why , infractissime PISTLEPRAGMOS , though you were yong in yeares , fresh in courage , greene in experience , and ouer-weaning in conceipt ( we will refuse nothing that you giue vs ) when you priuately wrote the letters , that afterward ( by no other but your selfe ) were publiquely diuulged ; yet when the bladder is burst that held you vp swimming in selfe loue , you must not be discontented though you sink .

I haue toucht the vlcer of your Oratourship , in requiting the nick-name of The Deuils Oratour . An Vlcer you may well christen it , as an vlcer is a swelling , for it was a swelling of ambition , no modest petition of anie merit of yours that did craue it .

The olde Foxe Doctour Perne throughly discouered you for a yoong Foppe , or else halfe a word of our high Chauncelors commendation had stood with him inuiolable as an Act of Parlament .

Great men in writing to those they are acquainted with , haue priuie watch-words of denyal , euen in the highest degree of praising ; they haue many followers , whose dutifull seruice must not bee disgrac'd with a bitter repulse in anie suite though vnlawfull .

It may bee some of these long deseruers of his followers labourd him for thee , hee like Argus hauing eyes that pierce into all estates , saw thee when thou wert vnseene of thy selfe , and knowing thee to bee vnworthy of any place of worth , would not discountenance his men in so smal a matter , but writ for thee very vehemently outwardly , when the soule of his letter ( into which thy shallowe braine could not descend ) included thy vtter mislike .

Yong bloud is hot , youth hastie , ingenuitie open , abuse impatient , choller stomachous , temptations busie . In a word , the Gentleman was vext , and cutte his bridle for verie anger .

The tickling and stirring inuectiue vaine , the puffing and swelling Satiricall spirit came vpon him , as it came on Coppinger and Arthington , when they mounted into the pease-cart in Cheape-side and preacht : needes hee must cast vp certayne crude humours of English Hexameter Verses that lay vppon his stomacke , a Noble-man stoode in his way as he was vomiting , and from top to toe he all to berayd him with Tuscanisme .

The Mappe of Cambridge lay not farre off when he was in the depth of his drudgery , some part of the excrements of his angerfell vpon it : poore Doctour Pernes picture stoode in a corner of that Mappe , and by the misdemeanour of his mouth it was cleane defac'd .

Signior Immeritò ( so called , because he was and is his friend vndeseruedly ) was counterfeitly brought in to play a part in that his Enterlude of Epistles that was hist at , thinking his very name ( as the name of Ned Allen on the common stage ) was able to make an ill matter good .

I durst on my credit vndertake , Spencer was no way priuie to the committing of them to the print . Committing I may well call it , for in my opinion G. H. should not haue reapt so much discredite by beeing committed to New gate , as by committing that misbeleeuing prose to the Presse .

I haue vsually seene vncircumcised doltage haue the porch of his Pa●im pilfries very hugely pestred with praises . Hay gee ( Gentlemen ) comes in with his Plowmans whistle in prayse of Peter Scurfe the penne-man , and Turlery ginkes in a light foote Iigge libels in commendation of little witte verie loftily : but for an Author to renounce his Christendome to write in his owne commendation , to refuse the name which his Godfathers and Godmothers gaue him in his baptisme , and call himselfe a welwiller to both the writers , when hee is the onely writer himselfe ; with what face doe you thinke hee can aunswere it at the day of iudgement ? Est in te facies sunt apti lusibus anni , Gabriell , thou canst play at fast and loose as well as anie man in England .

I will not lye or backbite thee as thou hast done mee , but are not these thy wordes to the curteous Buyer .

Shew mee or Immerito two English letters in print , in all pointes equall to these , both for the matter it selfe , and also for the manner of handling , and say wee neuer saw good English in our liues .

Againe , I esteeme them for two of the rarest and finest treaties , as well for ingenuous deuising , as significant vttering , & cleanly conueying of his matter , that euer I read in this tongue , & I bartily thank God for bestowing vpon vs such proper and able men with their penne .

You must conceit hee was in his chamber-fellowe welwillers cloke when he spake this , the white-liuerd slaue was modest , and had not the hart to say so much in his owne person , but he must put on the vizard of an vndiscreete friend .

It is not worth the rehearsal , he scribled it in ieast for exercise of his speech and stile , &c. and it was the sinister hap of those vnfortunate letters to be derided & scoft at throughout the whole realme .

The sharpest part of them were read ouer at Counsell Table , and he referd ouer to the Fleet to beare his old verse-fellow noble M. Valanger company .

There was no remedie for it but melancholy patience .

A recantation he was glad to make by way of articles or positions , which hee moderates with a milder name of an apologie , & that recantation purchast his libertie . Wherefore in gratefull lieu of the benefit he receiu'd by it ( although he hath hitherto vnworthily supprest it ) yet he means to take occasion by this extraordinary prouocation to publish it , with not so few as fortie such Academicall exercises , and sundrie other politike discourses .

And I deeme he will be as good as his word , for euer yet it hath beene his wont , if he writ but a letter to any friend of his , in the way of thanks for the potte of butter , gāmon of bacon , or cheese that he sent him , straight to giue coppies of it abroad in the world , and propound it to yong gentlemen he came in company with , as a more necessary & refined methode of familiar Epistles than the English tongue hath hitherto been priuy to .

Lord that men shoulde bee so malitiously bent to frame a matter of some thing , he takes a pleasurable delight to behaue himself so that he may be laught at , how would you prate and insult if you knewe as much by him , as he knows by himselfe .

Nashe do thy worst , the three brothers bid a Fico for thee , discommend thou them neuer so much , they will palpably praise , and so consequently dispraise themselues more in one booke they set foorth , than thou canst disparage them in tenne : yea , rather than faile , Maister Bird shall leaue coppying out letters of newes , and meeter it mischieuously in maintenance of their scurri●itiship and ruditie .

Three to one par ma foy is oddes , not one of them writes an Almanacke , but hee reckons vp all his brothers .

Bee it spoken heere in priuate ; Musa Richardetti fatrizat sat bene pretty : The Muse of dappert Dickie doth sing as sweet as a cricket .

Nostimanum & stilum Gabriel ? it is thine own verse in Aedes Valdinenses , all saue the inserting of pretty in stead of certè for rimes sake .

Had Phisition Iohn liu'd , or not dyde a little afore Dog-dayes , a sinode of Pispots would haue concluded , that Pierce Pennilesse should be cofounded without repriue .

The Spanyards cald their inuasiue fleete agaynst England the Nauie inuincible , yet it was ouercome . Lowe shrubbes haue outliu'd high Cedars , one true man is stronger than two theeues , Gabriell & Richard I proclaime open warres with you : March on , Iocus , Ludus , Lepos , my valiaunt men at armes , and forrage the frontiers of his Fantasticallitie , as you haue begun .

Tubalcan aliâs Tuball , first founder of Farriers Hall , heere is a great complaint made , that vtriúsque Academiae Robertus Greene hath mockt thee , because hee saide , that as thou wert the first inuenter of Musicke , so Gabriell Howliglasse was the first inuenter of English Hexameter verses . Quid respondes ? canst thou brooke it yea or no ? Is it any treason to thy well tuned hammers to say they begat so renowmed a childe as Musicke ? Neither thy hammers nor thou I know if they were put to their booke oaths will euer say it .

The Hexamiter verse I graunt to be a Gentleman of an auncient house ( so is many an english begger ) yet this Clyme of ours hee cannot thriue in ; our speech is too craggy for him to set his plough in , hee goes twitching and hopping in our language like a man running vpon quagmiers vp the hill in one Syllable and down the dale in another , retaining no part of that stately smooth gate , which he vaunts himselfe with amongst the Greeks and Latins .

Homer , and Virgil , two valorous Authors , yet were they neuer knighted , they wrote in Hexameter verses : Ergo , Chaucer , and Spencer the Homer and Virgil of England , were farre ouerseene that they wrote not all their Poems in Hexamiter verses also .

In many Countries veluet and Satten is a commoner weare than cloth amongst vs , Ergo wee must leaue wearing of cloth , and goe euerie one in veluet and satten , because other Countries vse so .

The Text will not beare it good Gilgilis Hobberdehoy .

Our english tongue is nothing too good , but too bad to imitate the Greeke and Latine .

Master Stannyhurst ( though otherwise learned ) trod a foule lumbring boystrous wallowing measures in his translation of Virgil. He had neuer been praisd by Gabriel for his labour , if therein hee had not bin so famously absurd .

Greene for dispraising his practise in that kinde , Is the Greene Maister of the blacke Art , the Founder of vglie oathes , the father of misbegotten Infortunatus , the Scriuener of Crossebiters , the Patriark of Shifters , &c.

The Monarch of Crossebiters , the wretched fellowe Prince of Beggars , Emperour of Shifters , hee had cald him before , but like a drunken man that remembers not in the morning what he speakes ouernight , still he fetcheth Metaphors from Conny-catchers , & doth nothing but torment vs with tautologies .

Why thou arrant butter whore , thou cotqueane , & scrattop of scoldes , wilt thou neuer leaue afflicting a dead Carcasse , continually read the rethorick lecture of Ramme-Allie ? a wispe , a wispe , a wispe , rippe , rippe you kitchin stuffe wrangler .

Wert thou put in the Fleete for pamphleting ? Bedlem were a meeter place for thee . Be not ashamd of your promotion , they did you honor that said you were Fleete-bound , for men of honor haue sailde in that Fleete .

Wa st paper made thee betake thy selfe to Limbo Patrum , had it beene a booke that had beene vendible , yet , the opproby had beene the lesse , but for Chandlers merchandize to be so massacred ; for sheets that serue for nothing but to wrappe the excrements of huswiuerie in , Proh Deum , what a spite is it . I haue seene your name cutte with a knife in a wall of the Fleete I : when I went to visit a friend of mine there . Let Maister Butler of Cambridge his testimoniall end this controuersie , who at that time that thy ioyes were in the Fleeting , and thou crying for the Lords sake out at an iron windowe , in a lane not farre from Ludgate hill , questiond some of his companions verie inquisitiuelie that were newlie come from London , what nouelties they brought home with them , amongst the rest he broke into this Hexamiter interrogatory very abruptlie .

But ah what newes doe you heare of that good Gabriel huffe snuff● , Knowne to the world for a foole , and clapt in the Fleete for a Rimer .

Is t true Gibraltar , haue I found you , It was not without foundation that you burst into that magnifical insultation , I THAT IN MY YOVTH FLATTERD NOT MY SELFE , &c. for M. Butler for a Phisition being none of the least Schollers , hath commended you exceedingly for a foole & a Rimer . He that threatned to coniure vp Martins wit , hath written some thing too in your praise in Pap-hatchet , for all you accuse him to haue courtlie incenst the Earle of Oxford against you . Marke him well , hee is but a little fellow , but hee hath one of the best wits in England . Should he take thee in hand againe ( as he flieth from such inferiour concertation ) I prophecie that there woulde more gentle Readers die of a merrie mortality ingendred by the eternal iests he would maule theee with , than there haue done of this last infection . I my self that inioy but a mite of wit in comparison of his talent , in pure affection to my natiue country , make my stile carry a presse saile , am fain to cut off half the streame of thy sport-breeding confusion , for feare it shoulde cause a generall hicket throughout England . Greene I can spare thy reuenge no more roome in this book , thou hast Phisition Iohn with thee , cope thou with him & let me alone with the Ciuilian & Deuine , whom if I liue I will so vncessantly haunt , that to auoid the hot chase of my fierie quill , they shal be constraind to ensconse themselues in an olde Vrinall case that their brother left behind him . Yet ere I bid thee good night , receiue some notes as touching his phisicallity deceased . He had his grace to be Doctor ere he died . As time may worke all things . In Norfolke where hee practised he was reputed a proper toward man at a medecine for the toothake , & one of the skilfullest Phisitions in casting the heauens water that euer came there .

How well beloued of the chiefest Gentlemen ( & Gentlewomen especially ) in that shire , it is incredible to bee spoken . Astra petit disertus , hee is gone to heauen to write more Astrologicall discourses , his brothers liue to inherite his olde gownes , and remember his notable sayings , amongst the which this was one : Vale Galene , farewell mine owne deare Gabriell : Valete humanae artes , heart and good will , but neuer a ragge of money . Tunc tua res agitur paries cum proximus ardet . Cloth-breeches house is burnt , and the flame goes a feasting to Pierce Pennilesse house next .

Neuer til now , Gregory Habberdine , went thy foure letters vp Newgate , vp Holburne , vp Tiburne , to hanging .

Gentlemen , by that which hath been already laid open , I doe not doubt but you are vnwaueringly resolued , this indigested Chaos of Doctourship , and greedy pothunter after applause , is an apparant Publican and sinner , a selfe-loue surfetted sot , a broken-winded galdbacke Iade , that hath borne vp his head in his time , but now is quite foundred & tired , a scholer in nothing but the scum of schollership , a stale soker at Tullies Offices , the droane of droanes , and maister drumble-bee of non proficients . What hath he wrote but hath had a wofull end ? When did he dispute but hee duld all his auditorie ? his Poetry more spiritlesse than smal beere , his Oratory Arts bastard , not able to make a man rauishingly weepe , that hath an Onion at his eye . In Latin like a louse he hath manie legges , many lockes fleec'd from Tullie to carry away and cloath a little body of matter , but yet hee moues but slowly , is apparaild verie poorely .

In English , ice is not so cold , yet on the ice of ignorance will he slide . No wise man pittie him that perisheth so wilfully .

Iudge the world , iudge the highest Courts of appeale from the miscarried worlds iudgement ( Cambridge and Oxford ) wherein I haue trespassed in Pierce Pennilesse , that hee shoulde talke of gnashing of teeth , yong Phaetons , yong Icari , yong Chorebi , young Babingtons .

Neuer was I in earnest til thus he twitted me with the comparison of a traitour .

Babington , high was thy birth , I a bondslaue of fortune in comparison of thee , thy fall greater than Phaetons , thy offence as heynous as Iudasses . May neuer more such foule seeds of offence be sowne in so faire a shape , may they be markt alwayes to mischiefe that meane as thou didst . The braunches of thy stocke remaines yet vnblasted with anie disobedience . God forbid that our forheades should for euer bee blotted with our forefathers misdemeanors . Die ill deeds with your vngratious ill dooers , the liuing haue no portion with the dead , hell once paid his due , heauen gates are open to succeeding posteritie .

Prate of Pierce Pennilesse and his paltrie as long as thou wilt , I will play at put-pinne with thee for all that thou art woorth , but of thy betters gette thee a better discoursing penne before thou descantes of .

L. Greenes inwardest companion pinched with want , vexed with discredit , tormented with other mens felicitie , and ouer-whelmed with his owne miserie , in a rauing and frantike moode , most desperately exhibiteth a Supplication to the Deuill .

C. Heerein thou thinkst thou hast won the spurs from all writers , but God and Dame Fiction knows thou art farre wide of thy ayme ; for neither was I Greenes companion any more than for a carowse or two , nor pincht with any vngentleman-like want , when I inuented Pierce Pennilesse .

Pauper non est cui rerum suppetit vsus : only the discontented meditation of learning generally now a dayes little valued , and her professors set at naught & dishartened , caused mee to handle that plaintife subiect more seriously .

Vext with discredit ( Gabriel ) I neuer was as thou hast beene euer since Familiarit as peperit contemptum , thy familiar epistles brought thee in contempt .

Though I haue beene pinched with want ( as who is not at one time or another Pierce Penilesse ) yet my muse neuer wept for want of maintenance as thine did in Musarum lachrimae , that was miserably flouted at in M. Winkfields Comoedie of Pedantius in Trinitie Colledge .

How am I tormented with other mens felicitie , otherwise than saying , I know a Cobler that was worth fiue hundred pound , an hostler that had built a goodly Inne , & might dispend forty pound yearely by his land , a Carman that had whipt a thousand pound out of his horse taile ; if I had likewise reckond vp a rope-maker , that by tormenting of hempe , & going backward ( which the Deuill would nere doe ) had turnd as many Mill sixpences ouer the thumbe , as kept three of his sonnes at Cambridge a long time , & that which is more , three proud sonnes , that when they met the hangman ( their Fathers best chapman ) would scarse put of their hats to him , why then thou shouldst haue had some colour of quarell , thy accusation might iustly haue enterd his title pro aris & focis , whereas now it is friuolous and forcelesse .

The sharpest wits I perceiue haue none of the best memories , if they had , thou wouldst nere haue toucht mee with tormenting my selfe with other mens felicitie ; for how didst thou torment thy selfe with other mens felicitie , when in the 28. Page of thy first tome of Epistles thou exclaimst that in no age so little was so much made of , nothing aduaunst to be something , Numbers made of Ciphars , that is by interpretation , all those that were aduaunst either in the Court or common-wealth at that time , had little to commend them , nothing in account worthy preferment , but were meere meacocks & Ciphars in comparison of thy excellent out-cast selfe that liu'dst at Cambridge vnmounted .

Hang thee , hang thee , thou common coosener of curteous readers , thou grosse shifter for shitten tapsterly iests , haue I imitated Tarltons play of the seauen deadly sinnes in my plot of Pierce Penilesse ? whom hast thou not imitated then in the course of thy booke ? thou hast borrowed aboue twenty phrases and epithites from mee , which in sober sadnesse thou makst vse of as thy owne , when thou wouldst exhort more effectuall .

Is it lawfull but for one preacher to preach of the ten commandements ? hath none writ of the fiue senses but Aristotle ? was sinne so vtterly abolished with Tarltons play of the seuen deadly sins , that ther could be nothing said supra of that argument ?

Canst thou exemplifie vnto mee ( thou impotent moate-catching carper ) one minnum of the particular deuice of his play that I purloind ? There be manie men of one name that are nothing a kindred . Is there any further distribution of sins , not shadowed vnder these 7. large spreading branches of iniquity , on which a man may worke , and not tread on Tarletons heeles . If not , what blemish is it to Pierce Pennilesse to begin where the Stage doth ende , to build vertue a Church on that foundation that the Deuill built his Chappell .

Gabriell , if there bee anie witte or industrie in thee , now I will dare it to the vttermost : write of what thou wilt , in what language thou wilt , and I will confute it and answere it . Take truths part , and I wil proue truth to be no truth , marching out of thy dūg-voiding mouth .

Diuinitie I except , which admits no dalliance : but in any other art or profession , of which I am not yet free , and thou shalt challenge me to trie maistries in , I le bind my selfe Prentise too ▪ and studie throughly , though it neuer stande mee in any other stead while I liue but to make one reply , only because I wil haue the last word of thee .

I would count it the greatest punishment that In speech could lay vpon mee , to be bound to studie the Danish tongue , which is able to make any Englishman haue the mumpes in his mouth , that shall but plunge through one full point of it , yet the Danish tongue , or any Turks , or hogs , or dogs tongue whatsoeuer would I learne rather than bee put downe by such a ribauldry Don Diego as thou art .

Heigh drawer , fil vs a fresh quart of new-found phrases , since Gabriell saies we borrow all our eloquence from Tauerns : but let it be of the mighty Burdeaux grape , pure vino de monte I coniure thee , by the same token that the Deuils dauncing schoole in the bottome of a mans purse that is emptie , hath beene a gray-beard Prouerbe two hundred yeares before Tarlton was borne : Ergo no gramercy Dicke Tarlton . But the summe of summes is this , I drinke to you M. Gabriell , on that condition , that you shall not excruciate your braine to be conceited and haue no wit .

Since we are here on our prating bench in a close roome , and that there is none in company but you my approoued good friends foure Letters and certain Sonnets your Pages ; I will rehearse vnto you some part of the Methode of my demeanour in Pierce Pennilesse .

First , insomuch as the principall scope of it is a most liuelie anatomie of sinne , the diuell is made speciall superuisor of it , to him it is dedicated , as if a man shoulde compile a curious examined discouerie of whoredome , and dedicate it to the quarter Maisters of Bridewell , because they are best able to punish it .

Wherfore as there is no fire without some smoke ; no complaint without some precedent cause of aggreeuance ; I introduce in a discontented Scholler vnder the person of Pierce Pennilesse , tragicallie exclaiming vpon his partial-eid fortune , that kept an Almes boxe of compassion in store for euery one but him-selfe . He tels how he tost his imagination like a a dogge in a blanket , searcht euerie corner of the house of Charitie to see if he could light on any that would set a new nappe of an old threedbare Cloake : but like him that hauing a letter to deliuer to a Scottish Lorde , when hee came to his house to enquire for him found no bodie at home but an ape that sate in the Porch and made mops and mows at him ; so he deliuering his vnperusde papers to Powles Church-yard , the first that took them vp was the Ape Gabriel , who made mops and mows at them , beslauering the outside of them a little , but coulde not enter into the contents , which was an ase beyonde his vnderstanding .

With the first and second leafe hee plaies verie preti●ie , and in ordinarie termes of extenuating , verdits Pierce Pennilesse for a Grammer Schoole wit ; saies his Margine is as deepelie learnd as Fauste praecor gelida , that his Muse sobbeth and groneth verie piteouslie , bids him not cast himself headlong into the horrible gulph of desperation , comes ouer him that hee is a creature of wonderfull hope as his own inspired courage diuinely suggesteth , wils him to inchaunt some magnificent Mecenas to honour himselfe in honouring him , with a hundred such grace wanting Ironies cutte out against the woll , that woulde ieopard the best ioint of Poetica licentia to procure laughter , when there crinckled crabbed countenance ( the verie resemblance of a sodden dogges face ) hath sworne it woulde neuer consent therevnto .

Not the most exquisite thing that is , but the Counsel Table Asse Richard Clarke , may so Carte●ly deride .

Euerie Milke-maide can gird , with Is t true ? How saie you lo ? who would haue thought it ? Good Beare bite not ? A man is a man though hee hath but a hose on his head .

No such light paiment Gabriel hast thou at my hands ; I tell thee where , when , and how thou shewdst thy selfe a Dunsiuall .

Onely externall defects thou casts in my dish , nothing internall in thee , but I prooue that it is altogether excrementall .

A fewe Elegeicall verses of mine thou pluckest in pieces most ruthfullie , and quotes them against mee as aduantageable , together with some dismembred Margine notes , but all is inke cast away , you recouer no costs and charges . With one minutes studie I le destroie more , than thou art able to build in ten daies .

Squeise thy heart into thy inkehorne , and it shall but congeal into clodderd garbage of confutation , thy soule hath no effects of a soule , thou canst not sprinkle it into a sentence , & make euerie line leape like a cup of neat wine new powred out , as an Orator must doe that lies aright in wait for mens affections .

Whome hast thou wonne to hate mee by light crawling ouer my Text like a Cankerworme .

Some superficial slime of poison hast thou driueld from thy pen in thy shallow footed sliding through my Supplication , which one pen ful of ●epurified inke will excessiuelie wash out . Shall I informe thee ( that vnfruitfullie endeuorst to informe authoritie against me ) why I infixed those Poeticall latine margent notes to some fewe pages in the beginning of Pierce Pennilesse ? I did it to explaine to such expected spiefaul●s as thou art , that it was no vncouth abhorrencie from the custome of former writers , for a man openly to bewaile his vndeserued ill destenie .

In the vncasing of thy brother Richard , I calculated the Natiuitie of the Astrologicall Discourse , I apparentlie suggested what a lewd ●iece of Prophecie it was , I registred the infinite scorne that the whole Realme intertaind it with , the A dages that ran vpon it , Tarltons and Eldertons nigrum THETA set to it , yet wilt thou that art the sonne and heire to shamelesse impudence , the vnlineall vsurper of iudgement from all his true owners , the HOYDEN and pointing stock recreation of Trinitie hall , Vanitas vanitatis & ●mnia vanitas , inuest that in the highest throne of Art and Schollership , which ascrutinie of so manie millions of wel discerning condemnations hath concluded ●o be viler , than newesmungrie , & that which is vilest of all , no lesse vile than thy Epistles .

Most voices , most voices , most voices ; who is on my side who ? Whether is the Astrologicall Discourse a better booke than Pierce Pennilesse ? Gabriel hangtelow saies it is , I am the Defendant ▪ and denie it , and yet I doe not ouercull my owne workes : His assetrion he countermures thus .

Pierce Pennilesse is a man better acquainted with the Diuels of hell , than the Starres of Heauen : Ergo , the Astrologicall Discourse is better than the notorious diabolicall discourse of Pierce Pennilesse .

Once againe I denie his Argument to bee of lawfull age ▪ Pierce Pennilesse is a better Starmunger than a Diuelmunger , which needeth no other FOR to corroberate it but this , that my yea , at all times is as good as his nay .

How is the Supplication a diabolicall Discourse , otherwise than as it intreats of the diuerse natures and properties of Diuels and spirits ; in that far fetcht sense may the famous defensatiu● against supposed Prophecies ; and the Discouerie of Witchcraft be called notorious Diabolicall discourses , as well as the Supplication , for they also intreate of the illusions and sundrie operations of spirits : Likewise may I say that those his foure Letters nowe on their triall are foure notorious lowsie Discourses , because they lyingly discourse little else saue Greenes lowsie estate before his death .

M. Churchyard our old quarrel is renued when nothing else can bee fastned on mee , this Letter leapper vpbraideth mee with crying you mercie , I cannot tell , but I think you will haue a saying to him for it . Ther 's no reason that such a one as he should presume to intermeddle in your matters , it cannot be done with any intent but to stirre mee vp to write against you a fresh , which nothing vnder heau'n shall draw mee to doe . I loue you vnfainedly , and admire your aged Muse , that may well be grand-mother to our grand-eloquentest Poets at this present .

Sanctum & venerabile vetus omne Poema .

Shores wife is yong , though you be stept in yeare● , in her shall you liue when you are dead .

For that vnaduised in dammagement I haue done you heretofore , I le be your champion hence forward against any that dare write against you . Onely as euer you would light vpon a good cuppe of old sacke when you are most drie , pocket not vp this slie abuse at a rakehell rampalions hands , one that when an iniurie is deepe buried in the graue of obliuion , shall seeke to digge it vp againe , recall that into mens memories which was consumed and forgotten .

Whoreson Ninihammer , that wilt assault a man & haue no stronger weapons .

The Italian saith , a man must not take knowledge of iniurie till he be able to reuenge it .

Nay but in plaine good fellowship , art thou so innocent & vnconceiuing , that thou shouldst ere hope to dash mee quite out of request by telling mee of the Counter , and my hostesse Penia .

I yeeld that I haue dealt vpon spare commodities of wine and ●apons in my daies , I haue sung George Gascoignes Counter-tenor ; what then ? Wi●t thou peremptorily define that it is a place where no honest man , or Gentleman of credit euer came ?

Heare what I say , a Gentleman is neuer throughly entred into credit till he hath beene there ; & that Poet or nouice , be hee what he will , ought to suspect his wit , and remaine halfe in a doubt that it is not authenticall , till it hath beene seene and allowd in vnthrifts consistory .

Grande doloris ingenium . Let fooles dwell in no stronger houses than their Fathers built them , but I protest I should neuer haue writ passion well , or beene a peece of a Poet , if I had not arriu'd in those quarters .

Trace the gallantest youthes and brauest reuellers about Towne in all the by-paths of their expence , & you shall vnfallibly finde , that once in their life time they haue visited that melancholy habitation .

Come come , if you will goe to the sound truth of it , there is no place of the earth like it to make a man wise .

Cambridge and Oxford may stande vnder the elbowe of it .

I vow if I had a sonne , I would sooner send him to one of the Counters to learne lawe , than to the Innes of Court or Chauncery .

My hostesse Penia , that s a bugges word , I pry thee what Morrall hast thou vnder it ? I will depose if thou wilt that till now I neuer heard of anie such English name .

There is a certaine thing cald christian veritie , & another hight common sense , and a third cleapt humilitie , they are more requisite and necessary for thee , than modestie or discretion for mee and my companions , of which would thou shouldst vnderstand , we are so well prouided , that we can lend thee and thy brother Richard a great deale , and yet keepe more than wee shall haue need of for ourselues .

Wilt thou be so hardy and iron-visaged , to gainsay that thy brother Vicars Batchlours hood was not turnd ouer his eares for abusing of Aristotle , I know thou hast more grace than so , thou dost not contradict it flatly , but slubbers it ouer faintly , and comes to recapitulate not confute some of the phrases I vsde in the vnhandsoming of his diuinitiship .

I my selfe in the same order of disgracing thou singles them foorth will haue them vp againe , and see if thou or anie man can absurdifie the worst of them .

I say , and will make it good , that in the Astrologicall discourse thy brother ( as if hee had lately cast the heau'ns water , or beene at the anatomizing of the skies intrailes in Surgeons hall ) prophesieth of such ●trange wonders to ensue from the starres distemperature , and the vnusuall adulterie of plannets , as none but ●ee that is bawd to those celestiall bodies could euer des●ry .

This too I will ratifie for truthable & legible English , that his Astronomy broke his day with his creditors , and Saturne & Iupiter prou'd honester men than all the world tooke them for .

That the whole Uniuersitie hist at him , Tarlton at the Theater made ieastes of him , and Elderton consumed his ale cramined nose to nothing , in heare-●ai●ing him with whole bundels of Ballads .

All this he barely repeates without any disprouement or denudation at all , as if it were so lame in it selfe , that it would adnihilate it selfe with the onel●e rehearsall of it .

For the gentilitie of the Nashes ( though it might seeme a humor borrowed from thee to bragge of it ) yet some of vs who neuer sought into it ●il of late , can proue the extancy of our auncestors before there was euer a ropemaker in England . Wee can vaunt larger petigrees than patrimonies , yet of such extrinsecall things common to tenne thousand calues and oxen , would not I willingly vaunt , only it hath pleased M. Printer both in this booke and Pierce Pennilesse , to inuaile a vaine title to my name , which I care not for , without my consent or priuitie I here auouch .

But on the gentilitie of T. N. his beard , the maister Butler of Pembroke hall , stil I will stand to the death ; for it is the very prince Elector of peaks , a beard that I cannot bee perswaded but was the Emperour Dionisius his , surnamed the Tyrant , when hee playde the schoolemaister in Corinth .

Gabriell , thou hast a prety polwigge sparrows tayle peake , yet maist thou not compare with his : thy Father , for all by thy owne confession hee makes haires , had neuer the art to twilt vp such a grim triangle of haire as that .

Be not offended honest T. N. that I am thus bold with thee , for I affect thee for the names sake as much as any one man can do another , and know thee to be a sine fellow , and fit to discharge a farre higher calling than that wherein thou liu'st .

What more stuffe lurketh behind in this letter to be distributed into shop-dust ?

Pierce Pennilesse is as childish and garish a booke as euer came in print ; when he talks of the sheepish discourse of the Lambe of God and his enemies , he saies , it is monstrous and absurd , and not to bee sufferd in a Christian congregation ; that Richard hath scumd ouer the schoolmen , and of the froth of their folly made a dish of Diuinitie brewesse which the Dog's would not eate .

If he saide so ( as hee did ) and can proue it ( as hee hath done ) by Saint Lubecke then The Lambe of God is as childish and garish stuffe as euer came in print indeede .

I but how doth Pierce Pennilesse expiate the coinquination of these obiections .

Richard , whom ( because he is his brother , he therefore censures more curious and rigorous , in calling him M. H. than hee would haue done otherwise ) red the Philosophie Lecture in Cambridge with good liking and singular commendation , when A perse a was not so much as Idoneus auditor ciuilis scientiae , Ergo , the Lambe of God beares a better Fleece than hee giues out it doth .

A perse a is improoued nothing since , excepting his old Flores Poetarum , and Tarletons surmounting rethorique , with a little euphuisme and Greenesse inough .

Gabriel reports him to the fauourablest opinion of those that know A perse a his Prefaces , rimes , and the very timpanie of his Tarltonizing wit his Supplication to the Diuel .

Quiet your selues a litle my Maisters , and you shal see mee dispearse all those cloudes well inough . That Richard red the Philosophie Lecture at Cambridge , I doe not withstand , but how ?

Verie Lentenlie and scantlie , ( farre bee it wee shuld slander him so much as his brother Richard hath done , to saie he read it with good liking and singularitie . ) Credite mee , any that hath but a little refuse Colloquium Latine , to interseame a Lecture with , and can saie but Quapropter vos mei auditores may reade with equiualent commendation and liking .

I remember him woondrous well . In the chiefe pompe of that his false praise , I both heard him and heard what was the vniuersall slender valuation of him .

There was eloquent Maister Knox , ( a man whose losse all good learning can neuer sufficiently deplore ) t was he and one Maister Iones of Trinitie Colledge , that in my time with more speciall approbation conuerst in those Readings .

Since I haue heard of two rare yong men M. Meriton and another , that in supplying that place of succession haue surmounted all former mediocritie , and wonne themselues an euerlasting good name in the Vniuersitie .

These thou shouldst haue memoriz'd if any , but thou art giuen to speake well of none but thy selfe and thy two brothers .

Thrice fruitfull S. Iohns , how many hundred perfecter Schollers than the three brothers hast thou nurst at thy paps , that yet haue not shakte off obscuritie ?

Mellifluous PLAYFERE one of the chief props of our aged , & auntientest , & absolutest Vniuersities present flourishing . Where doe thy supereminent gifts shine to themselues , that the Court cannot bee acquainted with them .

Few such men speake out of Fames highest Pulpits , though out of her highest Pulpits speake the purest of all speakers .

Let me adde one word , and let it not bee thought derogatorie to anie , I cannot bethinke mee of two in England in all things comparable to him for his time . Seldome haue I beheld so pregnant a pleasaunt wit coupled with a memorie of such huge incomprehensible receipt , deepe reading and delight better mixt than in his Sermons .

Sed quorsum haec , how doe these digressions linke in with our Subiectum circa quod ?

Flaunting Richard and his Philosophie Lecture , was vnder our fingers euen now , howsoeuer wee haue lost him . Hold the candle , and you shall see me cast a figure for him extempore : Oh hoh , I haue founde him without any further seeking . Giue me your eares Io Paean , God saue them they are long ones .

Now betweene you and me declare as if you were at shrift , whether you be not a superlatiue blocke for al you readd the Philosophie Lecture at Cambridge : Brieflie , brieflie , let mee not stand all daie about you .

His conscience accuseth him , hee is stroke starke dumbe , onely by signes he craues to bee admitted in forma pauperis that we should let him passe for a pore fellow , and he will sell his birthright in learning with Esau for a messe of porrige .

Cura leues loquuntur , he hath but a litle cure to look too . Maiores stupent , more liuing would make him studie more .

For this once wee dispence with you because you look so penitentlie on it , but let not me catch you selling any more such twise sodden sawdust diuinitie as the Lambe of God and his enemies , for if I do , I le make a dearth of paper in Pater-noster-rowe ( such as was not this seauen yeare ) onelie with writing against thee .

A perse a can doe it , tempt not his clemencie too much . A perse a ?

Passion of God howe came I by that name ; my godfather Gabriel gaue it mee , and I must not refuse it . Nor if you were priuie whence it came would you hold it worthie to be refused , for before I had the reuersion of it hee bestow'd it on a Noble man , whose new fashiond apparrell , and Tuscanish gestures , cringing sidenecke , eies glancing , fisnomie smerking , hauing described to the full , he concludes with this verse , Euerie inch A perse a his termes and braueries in print .

Hold you your peace Nashe : that was before you were Idoneus auditor ciuilis scientiae . It may bee so , for thou wert a Libeller before I was borne . Yet vnder correction bee it spoken , I haue come to the schooles and purg'd rheume many a time , when your brother was Philosophie Lecturer , he wanted no supplosus pedum to spend away his houre that I could help him with .

What since I am improued , you partly haue prooued to your cost , and may doe more at large if God send vs more leysure .

As for Flores Poetarum , they are flowers that yet I neuer smelt too . I le pawne my hand to a halfepenny I haue readd more good Poets thorough , than thou euer hardst off .

The floures of your Foure Letters it may be I haue ouerlookt more narrowlie , and done my best deuoire to assemble them together into patheticall posie , which I will here present to Maister Orator Edge for a New yeares gift , leauing them to his wordie discretion to be censured whether they be currant in inkehornisme or no.

Conscious mind : canicular tales : egregious an argument : when as egregious is neuer vsed in english but in the extreame ill part . Ingenuitie : Iouiall mind : valarous Authors : inckehorne aduentures : inckehorne pads : putatiue opinions : putatiue artists : energeticall persuasions : Rascallitie : materiallitie : artificiallitie , Fantasticallitie : diuine Entelechy : loud Mentery : deceitfull perfidy : addicted to Theory : the worlds great Incendiarie : sire●ized furies : soueraigntie immense : abundant Cauteles : cautelous and aduentrous : cordiall liquor : Catilinaries and Phillipicks : perfunctorie discourses : Dauids sweetnes olimpique : The Idee high and deepe Abisse of excellence : The only Vnicorne of the Muses : the Aretinish mountaine of huge exaggerations : The gratious law of Amnesty : amicable termes : amicable end : Effectuate : addoulce his melodie : Magy polimechany : extensiuely emploid : precious Traynment : Nouellets : Notorietie negotiation : mechanician .

Nor are these all , for euerie third line hath some of this ouer-rackt absonisme . Nor do I altogether scum off all these as the newe ingendred fome of the English , but allowe some of them for a neede to fill vp a verse ; as Traynment , and one or two wordes more , which the libertie of prose might well haue spar'd . In a verse , when a worde of three sillables cannot thrust in but sidelings , to ioynt him euen , we are oftentimes faine to borrowe some lesser quarry of elocution from the Latine , alwaies retaining this for a principle , that a leake of indesinence as a leake in a shippe , must needly bee stopt , with what matter soeuer .

Chaucers authoritie I am certaine shal be alleadgd against mee for a many of these balductums . Had Chaueer liu'd to this age , I am verily perswaded hee would haue discarded the tone halfe of the harsher sort of them ,

They were the Oouse which ouerflowing barbarisme , withdrawne to her Scottish Northren chanell , had left behind her . Art like yong grasse in the spring of Chaucers florishing , was glad to peepe vp through any slime of corruption , to be beholding to she car'd not whome for apparaile , trauailing in those colde countries . There is no reason that shee a banisht Queene into this barraine soile , hauing monarchizd it so long amongst the Greeks and Romanes , should ( although warres furie had humbled her to some extremitie ) still be constrained when she hath recouerd her state , to weare the robes of aduersitie , iet it in her old rags , when she is wedded to new prosperitie .

Vtere moribus praeteritis , saith Caius Caesar in Aulus Gellius , loquere verbis praesentibus .

Thou art mine enemie Gabriell , and that which is more , a contemptible vnder-foote enemie , or else I would teach thy olde Trewantship the true vse of words , as also how more inclinable verse is than prose to dance after the horrizonant pipe of inueterate antiquitie .

It is no matter , since thou hast brought godly instruction out of loue with thee , vse thy own destruction , raigne sole Emperour of inkehornisme , I wish vnto thee all superabundant increase of the singular gifts of absurditie , and vaineglory : from this time forth for euer , euer , euer , euermore maist thou be canonized as the Nun parreille of impious epistles , the short shredder out of sunday sentences without lime , as Quintillian tearmed Seneca all lime , and no sande ; all matter , and no circumstance ; the factor for the Fairies , and night Vrchins , in supplanting and setting aside the true children of the English , and suborning inkehorne changlings in their steade , the galimafrier of all stiles in one standish , as imitating euerie one , & hauing no seperate forme of writing of thy owne ; and to conclude , the onely feather-driuer of phrases , and putter of a good word to it when thou hast once got it , that is betwixt this and the Alpes . So bee it worlde without ende . Chroniclers heare my praiers . Good Maister Stowe be not vnmindfull of him .

That s well remembred , now I talke of Chroniclers , I founde the Astrologicall discourse the other night in the Chronicle . Gabriell will outface vs it is a worke of such deepe arte & iudgement , when it is expressely past vnder record for a coosening prognostication . The wordes are these , though somewhat abreuiated ; for he makes a long circumlocution of it .

In the yeare 1583. by meanes of an Astrologicall discourse vppon the great and notable coniunction of Saturne and Iupiter , the common sort of people were almost driu'n out of their wits , and knew not what to doe : but when no such thing hapned , they fell to their former securitie , and condemned the discourse of extreame madnesse and follie .

Ipsissima sunt Aristotelis verba , they are the verie words of Iohn Tell-troth in the 1357. folio of the last edition of the great Chronicle of England .

Mehercule quidem , if it be so taken vp , Pierce P●nnilesse may well cast his cappe after it for euer ouertaking it . But some thing euen now Gabriell thou wert girding against my praefaces and rimes , and the timpanie of my Tarltonizing wit .

Well these be your words , praefaces and rimes , let mee studie a little praefaces and rimes . Minimè verò ; si ●is nego . I neuer printed rime in my life but those verses in the beginning of Pierce Pennilesse , though you haue set foorth , The stories quaint of manie a doutie flie , That read a lecture to the ventrous elfe . And so forth as followeth in chambling rowe .

Praefaces two , or a paire of Epistles I will receyue into the protection of my parentage , out of both which , sucke out one solaecisme or mishapen English word if thou canst for thy guts .

Wherein haue I borrowed from Greene or Tarlton , that I should thanke them for alI I haue ? Is my stile like Greenes , or my ieasts like Tarltons ? Do I talke of any counterfeit birds , or hearbs , or stones , or rake vp any new-found poetry from vnder the wals of Troy ? If I do , trip mee with it ; but I doe not , therefore I le be so saucy as trip you with the grand lie . Ware stumbling of whetstones in the darke there my maisters ▪

This I will proudly boast ( yet am I nothing a kindred to the three brothers ) that the vaine which I haue ( be it a median vaine , or a madde man ) is of my owne begetting , and ca●s no man father in England but my selfe , neyther Euphues , nor Tarlton , nor Greene . .

Not Tarlton nor Greene but haue beene contented to let my simple iudgement ouerrule them in some matters of wit . Euphues I readd when I was a little ape in Cambridge , and then I thought it was Ipse ille , it may be excellent good still for ought I know , for I lookt not on it this ten yeare : but to imitate it I abhorre , otherwise than it imitates Plutarch , Ouid , and the choisest Latine Authors .

If you be aduisde I tooke shortest vowels and long●st mutes in the beginning of my booke as suspitious of being accessarie to the making of a Sonnet wherto Maister Christopher Birds name is set , there I saide that you mute forth many such phrases in the course of your booke which I would point at as I past by : Heere I am as good as my word , for I note that thou beeing afraide of beraying thy selfe with writing , wouldest faine bee a mute , when it is too late to repent . Againe , thou reuiest on vs and saist , that mutes are coursed and vowels haunted . Thou art no mute , yet shalt thou be haunted and coursed to the full . I will neuer leaue thee as long as I am able to lift a pen .

Whether I seeke to bee counted a terrible bulbegger or no , I le baite thee worse than a bull so that the thou shalt desire some body on thy knees to helpe thee with letters of commendation to Bull the hangman , that he may dispatch thee out of the way before more affliction come vpon thee .

All the inuectiue and satericall spirits shall then bee thy familiars , as the furies in hell are the familiars of sinfull ghosts to follow them and torment them without intermission : thou shalt bee double girt with girds , and scoft at till those that stand by do nothing but cough with laughing .

Thou saiest I professe the art of railing , thou shalt not say so in vaine , for if there bee any art or depth in it , more than Aretine or Agrippa haue discouered or diu'd into , looke that I will sound it and search it to the vttermost , but ere I haue done with thee i le leaue thee the miserablest creature that the sunne euer sawe .

There is no kind of peaceable pleasure in poetrie , but I can drawe equally in the same yoke with the haughtiest of those foule-mouthd backbiters , that say I can do nothing but raile .

I haue written in all sorts of humors priuately I am perswaded , more than any yoong man of my age in England .

The weather is cold , and I am w●arie with confuting , the remainder of the colde contents of this Epistle be these .

He enuiously indeuors since he cannot reuenge himselfe to incense men of high calling against me , and wold inforce it into their opinions , that whatsoeuer is spoken in Pierce Pennilesse , concerning Pesants , Clownes & hipocriticall hot-spurs , Midasses , Buckram Giants , & the mightie Prince of darkenesse is meant of them , let him proue it , or bring the man to my face to whome I euer made any vnduetifull exposition of it , I am to be my own interpreter in this first case . I say in Pierce Pennilesse I haue set downe nothing but that which I haue had my president for , in forraine writers , nor had I the least allusion to any man set aboue mee in in degree , but onely glanc'st at vice generallie .

The tale of the Beare and the Foxe , how euer it may set fooles heads a worke a farre off , yet I had no concealed ende in it , but in the one , to describe the right nature of a bloudthirsty tyrant , whose indefinite appetite all the pleasures in the earth haue no powre to bound in goodnes , but he must seeke a new felicitie in varietie of cruelty , and destroying all other mens prosperitie ; for the other , to figure an hypocrite : Let it be Martin if you will , or some old dog that bites sorer than hee , who secretlie goes and seduceth country Swaines .

Makes them beleeue that that honny which their bees brought forth was poysonous and corrupt .

That they may buy honny cheaper than by being at such charges in keeping of bees .

That it is not necessary they should haue such stately hiues or lie sucking at such precious honnicombs .

If this ( which is nothing else but to swim with the streame ) be to tell tales as shrewdly as mother Hubbard , it shoulde seeme mother Hubbard is no great shrewe , howeuer thou treading on her heeles so oft , shee may bee tempted beyonde her ten commandements .

A litle before this the foresaid fanaticall Phobetor , geremumble , tirleriwhisco , or what you will , cald forth the biggest gunshot of my thundring tearmes steept in Aqua fortis and gunpowder to come and trie them selues on his paper Target .

But that it is no credite Galpogas to discharge a Cannon gainst a lowse , thou shouldst not call in vaine , thou shouldst heare Tom a Lincolne roare with a witnes , woe worth the da●e & the yeare when thou hearest him . I feareblast thee nowe but with the winde of my weapon . With the wast of my words , I lay wast all the feeble fortifications of thy wit . Shewe mee the Vniuersities hand and seale that thou art a Doctour sealed and deliuered in the presence of a whole Commensement , and I le present thee with my whole artillerie store of eloquence .

A bots on thee for mee for a lumpish leaden heeld letter dawber , my stile with treading in thy clammie steps is growne as heauie gated , as if it were bound to an Aldermans pace , with the irons at Newgate cald the widows Almes .

Ere I was chained to thee thus by the necke , I was as light as the Poet Accius , who was so lowe and so slender that hee was faine to put lead into his shooes for feare the winde shoulde blowe him into another Countrie .

Those that catch Leopards set cups of wine before them ; those that will winne liking and grace of the readers , must set before them continually that which shall cheare them , and reuiue them .

Gabriell , thou hast not done so , thou canst not doe so , therfore rhy works neither haue , nor can any way hinder mee , nor benefit the Printer .

Euen in the packing vp of my booke a hot ague hath mee by the backe . Maugre sicknesse worst , a leane arme put out of the bed shall grind and pash euery crum of thy booke into pin-dust .

The next peece of seruice thou dost against Pierce Pennilesse , is the naming of him wofull pouerett● , and pleasant supposing thou puldst him by the ragged sleene : Then matchest thou thy selfe to Vlisses , and him to Irus , Irrita sunt haec omnia : it is a sleeuelesse ieast , I haue besliu'd thee already for it , it toucheth the body and not the minde . Besides I was neuer altogether Peter Poueretto , vtterly throwne downe , desperately seperated from all means of releeuing my selfe , since I knew how to seperate a knaue from an honest man , or throw my cloake ouer my nose , when I salied by the Counters .

The ragged cognizance on the sleeue , I may say to thee , carried meate in the mouth when time was , doe not dispraise it yet , for it hath many high partakers . Qua sequuntur huiusmodi sunt .

Thou turmoilst thy piamater , to proue base births better than the ofspring of many discents , because thou art a mushrumpe sprung vp in one night , a seely mouse begotten on a moulehill , that wouldst fayne pearch thy selfe on the mountaines , when thy legges are too short to ouercome such a long iourney of glorie .

My margent note , Meritis expendite causam , thou wouldst rather than any thing wrest to an enditment of arrogance , & so branch mee into thy tiptoe stocke . I cannot see how thou canst compasse it : For though I bad them weigh the cause by deserts , yet I did not assume too much to my owne deserts , when I expostulated , why Coblers , Hostlers , and Carmen should be worth so much , and so much , and I a scholler and a good-fellow a begger . How thou hast arrogated to thy selfe more than Lucifer , or any Miles glori●sus in the worlde would doe , I haue already noted at large in his due place and order . If thou bestowst any curtesie on mee , and I do not requite it , then call mee cut , and say I was brought vp at Hoggenorton where pigges play on the Organs .

Wert thou well acquainted with me , thou shouldst perceiue that I am very franke where I take , & send away none empty-handed that giue mee but halfe an ill worde .

It is a good signe of grace in thee , that thou confessest thou hast offences enough of thy owne to aunswere , though thou beest not chargd with thy Fathers . Once in thy life thou speakst true yet , I beleeue thee , and pittie thee . God make thee a good man , for thou hast beene a wilde youth hitherto .

Thy Hexameter verses , or thy hue and crie after a person as cleare as Christall , I do not so deeply commend , for al Maister Spencer long since imbrast it with an ouer-louing sonnet .

Why should friends dissemble one with another , they are very vgly and artlesse . You will neuer leaue your olde trickes of drawing M. Spencer into euerie pybald thing you do . If euer he praisd thee , it was because he had pickt a fine vaine foole out of thee , and he would keepe thee still a foote by flattring thee , til such time as he had brought thee into that extreame loue with thy selfe , that thou shouldst run mad with the conceit , and so be scorned of all men .

Yet yet Gabriell , are not we set non plus , thy roister doisterdome hath not dasht vs out of countenance . If anie man vse boistrous horse play , or bee beholding to Carters Logique , it is thy selfe ; for with none but clownish and roynish ieasts dost thou rush vppon vs , and keepst such a flurting and a flinging in euerie leafe , as if thou wert the onely reasty iade in a country .

Skolding thou saiest is the language of shrewes ▪ railing the stile of rakehels ; what concludst thou from thence ? Do I scold ? do I raile ?

Scolding & railing is loud miscalling and reuiling one another without wit , speaking euery thing a man knows by his neighbour , though it bee neuer so contrary to all humanitie and good manners , and would make the standers by almost perbrake to heare it . Such is thy in●ectiue against Greene , where thou talkst of his lowsines , his sur●e●ing , his begge●ie , and the mother of Infortunatus infirmities . If I scold , if I raile , I do but cum ratione insanire , Tully , Ouid , all the olde Poets , Agrippa , Aretine , and the rest are all scolds and railers , and by thy conclusion flat shrewes and rakehe●s : for I doe no more than their examples do warrant mee .

The intoxicate spirit of grisly Euridice , I can tosse ouer as lightly to thee , as thou hast pu●t it to mee . My hart is praeoccupated with better spirits , which haue left her no house-roome : thou hast no spirite as it should appeare by thy writing , intertaine her and the spirit of the buttery out of hand , or thou wilt be beaten hand-smooth out of Bucklars bury .

When I parted with thy brother in Pierce Penilesse , I left him to be tormented world without ende of our Poets and writers about London , for calling them piperly make-playes and makebates , not doubting but they would driue him to this issue , that he should be constrained to goe to the chiefe beame of his benefice , and there beginning a lamentable speech with cur scripfi●cur pery , ende with Prauum praua decent , iuuat inconcessae voluptas , & so with a trice trusse vp his life in the string of his sance-bell . Now heere thou thankst God thou a●t not so vncharitably bent to put so much wit in a speech , like a Parson in Lancashire that kneeld down on his knees in a zealous passion , and very hartily thankt God he neuer knew what that vile Antichristian Romish Popish Latine meant . Did I exhort inke and paper to pray that they might not bee troubled with him any more ? Inke and paper if they bee true Protestants will pray , that they may not be contaminated any more with such abhomination of desolation , as the three brothers Apocripha pamphleting .

After all this foule weather ensueth a calme dilatement of others too forward harmefulnes , and thy owne backward irefulnesse ; that s dispatcht , the court hath found it otherwise .

Then thou goest about to bribe mee to giue ouer this quarrell , and saist if I will holde my peace , thou wilt bestowe more complements of rare amplifications vpon mee , than euer thou bestowdst on Sir Philip Sidney , and gentle Maister Spencer .

Thou flatterst mee , and praisest mee .

To make mee a small seeming amendes for the iniuries thou hast done mee , thou reckonst mee vp amongst the deare louers and professed sonnes of the Muses , Edmund Spencer , Abraham France , Thomas Watson , Samuell Daniell .

With a hundred blessings and many praiers thou intreatst mee to loue thee .

Content thy selfe , I will not .

Thou protests it was not my person thou mislikt ( I am afraide thou wilt make mee thy Ingle ) but my fierce running at Parson Richard , excusest mee by my youth , & promisest to cancell thy impertinent Pamphlet .

It were good hanging thee now thou art in such a good mind ; yet for all this , a dogge will be a dogge , & returne to his vomit doe what a man can , thou must haue one squibbe more at the Deuils Orator , & his Dames Poet , or thy penne is not in cleane life . I will permit thee to say what thou wilt , to vnderlie ( as thou desir'st ) the verdit of Fame hir selfe , so I may lie aboue thee . LIE aboue thee , tell greater lies than thou dost no man is able .

Thus O heauenly Muse I thanke thee for thou hast giu'n mee the patience to trauel through the tedious wildernesse of this Gomorian Epistle . Not Hercules when he cleansed the stables of Aegeas , vnder-tooke such a stinking vnsauorie exploit . By thy assistaunce through a whole region of golden lanes haue I iourneied , & now am safely arriu'd at not speedily dispatcht but hastily bungled vp as you see . Graunt that all such slow dispatchers & hastie bunglers , may haue a long time of reproach to repent them in , and not come abroad to corrupt the aire , & impostumate mens ears with their pan-pudding prose any more . So bee it , say all English people after mee , that haue eares to heare or eies to reade .

Feci , feci , feci , had I my health , now I had leysure to be merry , for I haue almost washt my hands of the Doctour .

His own regenerate verses of the iolly Fly , & Gibeline and Gwelph some peraduenture may expect that I should answere . So I would if there were anie thing in them which I had not answerd before , but there is nothing ; if there were , hauing driuen his sword to his head , I respect not what he can do with his dagger . Onely I will looke vpon the last Sonnet of M. Spencers to the right worshipfull Maister G.H. Doctour of the lawes : or it may so fall out that I will not looke vpon it too , because ( Gabriell ) though I vehemently suspect it to bee of thy owne doing , it is popt foorth vnder M. Spencers name , and his name is able to sanctifie any thing though falsely ascribed to it .

The fourth letter of our Orators to the same fauorable or indifferent reader , was a letter which this many a long summers day I dare ieopard my maydenhead had line hidden in his deske , for it is a shipmans hose that will serue any man as well as Green or mee .

To make short , in it as fortie times before , he brides it and simpers it out a crie , No forsooth God dild you hee would not that hee would : None so desirous of quiet as hee good olde man , who with a pure intent of peace , first put fire to the flame that hath hedgde him in .

He hath preuented Maister Bunnie of the second part of his treatise of Pacification , for like some craftie ringleader of rebellion , when hee hath stirred vp a dangerous commotion , and findes by the too late examination of his forevnexamined defects in himselfe , that so sweet a roote will hardlie effect correspondent fruits strait in pollicie to get his pardon , hee strikes saile to that tempest of sedition , and is thrice as earnest in preaching pacification , obedience , and submission : so Gabriel when he hath stird vp against me what tumults he can in Stationers Shops , and left the quiuer of his enuie not an arrow vndrawne out , hee finds by the audit of his ill consumed defectes that he is not of force inough to hold out , wherefore in pollicie to auoid further arrearages of infamie hee tires the text of reconciliation out of breath , and hopeth by the intercession of a cuppe of white wine and sugar , to be made friends with his fellow writers .

It cannot choose but he must of necessitie be a very sore fellow , that is so familiar with white wine & sugar , for white wine in a manner is good for nothing but to wash sores in , and smudge vp withered beauty with . Well for all hee would haue Pierce make no warres on him , he makes warres on Pierce Pennilesse , he be beggereth him again in this epistle verie bountifullie hee saies that Lordes must take heede how they Lord it in his presence .

That the Asse is the onelie Author he alleadgeth . That Greene is an Asse in print , and he a calfe in print .

That they are both chiefetaines in licentiousnesse , and truth can s●ie the abhominable villanies of such base shifting companions , good for nothing but to cast away themselues , spoile their adherents , &c.

For my beggerie let that trauell the countries , I haue saide more for it than a richer man would haue done , but that I take vppon me to Lord it ouer great Lords thou art a most lewd tungd lurden to saie it .

Must they take heede how they Lord it in my presence , what must they doe then in thy presence , That sitting liks a looker on Of this worlds stage , dost note with critique pen , Thy sharpe dislikes of each condition ▪ Ne fawnest for the fauour of the great , Ne fearest foolish reprehension , But freelie dost of what thee list intreate , Like a great Lord of peerelesse libertie , Lifting the good vp to high honors seate , And th' euill damning euermore to die , For life and death is in thy doome full writing .

Whereas thou saist the Asse in a manner is the only Author I alleadge , I must know how you define an Asse before I can tell how to answere you ; for Cornelius Agrippa maketh all the Philosophers , Oratours , and Poets that euer were Asses : and if so you vnderstand that I alleadge no Author but the Asse ; for all Authors are Asses , why I am for you ; if otherwise , thou art worse than a Cumane Asse to leape before thou lookst , and condemne a man without cause .

What Authors dost thou alleadge in thy booke , not two , but any Grammer Scholler might haue alleadgd ?

There is not three kernels of more than common learning in all thy Foure Letters . Common learning ? not common sense in some places .

Of force I must graunt that Greene came oftner in print than men of iudgement allowed off , but neuerthelesse he was a daintie slaue to content the taile of a Tearme , and ●●usfe Seruing mens pockets .

An Asse Gabriel it is harde thou shouldst name him : for calling mee Calfe it breakes no square , but if I bee a calfe it is in comparison of such an Oxe as thy selfe .

The chiefetaines of licentiousnes , and truth can say the abhominable villanies of such base shifting companions , good for nothing , &c. I am of the mind wee shall not disgest this neither .

Answere me succinctè & expeditè , what one period any way leaning to licentiousnes , canst thou produce in Pierce Pennilesse ?

I talke of a great matter when I tell thee of a period , for I know two seuerall periods or full pointes in this last epistle , at least fortie lines long a piece .

For the order of my life it is as ciuil as a ciuil orenge , I lurke in no corners but conuerse in a house of credit as well gouerned as any Colledge , where there bee more rare quallified men , and selected good Schollers than in any Noblemans house that I knowe in England .

If I had committed such abhominable villanies , or were a base shifting companion , it stoode not with my Lords honour to keepe me , but if thou hast saide it & canst not proue it , what slandrous dishonor hast thou done him , to giue it out that he keepes the committers of abhominable villanies and base shifting companions , when they are farre honester than thy selfe .

If I were by thee I woulde plucke thee by the beard , and spit in thy face , but I would dare thee and vrge thee beyonde all excuse to disclose and prooue for thy heart bloud what villanie or base shifting by mee thou canst , I defie all the worlde in that respect .

Because thou vsedst at Cambridge to shift for thy Friday at night suppers , and cosen poore victuallers and pie-wiues of Doctours cheese and puddinges , thou thinkst me one of the same religion too .

What Greene was , let some other answere for him as much as I haue done , I had no tuition ouer him , he might haue writ another Galataeo of manners , for his manners euerie time I came in his companie , I saw no such base shifting or abhominable villanie by him . Something there was which I haue heard not seene , that hee had not that regarde to his credite in which had beene requisite he should .

What a Calimunco am I to plead for him , as though I were as neere him as his owne skinne . A thousande there bee that haue more reason to speake in his behalfe than I , who since I first knew him about town haue beene two yeares together and not seene him .

But I le doe as much for any man , especially for a deade man that cannot speake for himselfe . Let vs heare how we are good for nothing but to cast awaie our selues , spoile our adherents , praie on our fauourers , dishonour our Patrons . Haue I euer tooke any likelie course of casting away my selfe ?

Whom canst thou name that kept me company and reapt any discommoditie by mee , I can name di●ers good Gentlemen that haue beene my adherents and fauourers a long time . Let them report howe I haue spoilde them , or praid on them , or put them to one pennie detriment since I first consorted with them .

Haue an eie to the maine-chaunce , for no sooner shall they vnderstand what thou hast said by mee of them , but they le goe neere to haue thee about the eares for this geare one after another .

My Patrons or anie that bind me to them by the least good turne , there is no man in England that is or shall ( for my small power ) bee more thankefull vnto than I. Neuer was I vnthankefull vnto any , no not to those of whome for deedes I receiued nothing but vnperformed deede promising words . It is an honor to be accusde and not conuinst .

One of these months I shall challenge martirdome to my selfe , and writ large stories of the persecution of tongues . Troth I am as like to persecute as be persecuted . Let him take vp his Crosse and blesse himselfe that crosseth mee , for I will crosse shinnes with him though euerie sentence of his were a thousande tunnes of discourses , as Gabriel saith euerie sentence of his is a discourse . Quods , quods giue mee my Text pen againe , for I haue a little more Text to launce .

The secretaries of art and nature , if it were not for friuolous contentions , might bestead the common-welth with manie puissant engins . As for example , Bacons brazen nose , Architas wodden doue ▪ dancing bals , fire breathing gourdes , artificiall flies to hang in the aire by themselues , an egshell that shall run vp to the toppe of a speare .

Archimides made a heau'n of brasse , but we haue nothing to do with olde brasse and iron .

Appollonius Regimontanus did manie pretie iugling tricks , but wee had rather drinke out of a g●asse than a Iugge , vse a little brittle wit of our owne , than borrow any mirac●e mettall of Deuils .

Amongst all other stratagems and puissant engins what say you to Mates Pumpe in Cheapeside , to pumpe o●er mutton and porridge into Fraunce : this colde weather our souldiors c●n tell you haue need of it , and poore field mi●e they haue almost got the colicke and stone with earing of prouant .

Consider of it well , for it is better than all Bacons , Architas , Archimedes , Appollonius or Regiomontanus deuices : for Gabriell that professeth all these , with all their helpe cannot make the bias bowle at Saffron Walden run downe the hill , when it is throwne down with the hardest hand that may bee , but it will turne vp the hill againe in spite of a mans teeth , and that which is worst , giue no reason for it .

The Parrat and the Peacock haue leisure to reuiue & repolish their expired workes , you speake like a friend , we le listen to you when you haue repolished and expired your perfected degree . A Demy Doctor , what a shame is it ?

Because your books do call for a litle more drinke and a fewe more clothes when they are gone to bed , that is , when they lie dead , you thinke ours should do so too . No , no , we doe not vse to clappe a coat ouer a ierkin , or thrust any of the children of our braine into their mothers wombe againe , & beget them a new after they are once borne . If it bee a horne booke at his first conception ▪ let it be a horne booke still , and turne not cat in the panne , conuert the Pater noster to a Primer , when it hath begd it selfe out at the elbowes vp and downe the cuntrey .

Thou didst thou knewst not what in eeking this thy short-wasted Pamphlet , iwis as thou saist of thy selfe , Thou art an old tr●●ant , fitter to plaie the dumbe dogge with some antients , than the hissing snake .

Who be those an●ient dumbed dogs ? we shal haue you a Martinist when all comes to al● , because you cannot thriue with the Ciuill Law , and that you may marry her for any thing you are a kindred to her , therfore you wil compare Whitegift and Cartwright , white and blacke together , name the highest gouernours of the Church without giuing them anie reuerence or titles of honour , imbrace anie religion which will be euen with the profession that fauors not you .

There is no bai●e or maine prise for it , but wee must haue you in the first peeping forth of the spring , preaching out of a Pu●pit in the woods : you haue put on wolues raiment already , seduced manie simple people vnder the habit of a sheepe in Wolfes p●i●t . If you protest & lie any more , it is not your ending here like a sermon , that will make you bee reputed for a saint .

Readers , a decaied student lately shipwrackt with Si vales bene est , hauing foure Lightors of Letters , cleane cast away on the rocks called the Bishop & his Clarks , desires you all to pray for him , and he will recommend you all to God in the next sermon he penneth for his brother Richard .

He hath a mind to pay euery man his owne , though hee hath sustained great losse in figh● , that which he cannot effect he beseecheth ●he Lord to accomplish , and euen to worke a miracle vpon the deafe .

Lord if it be thy will , let him be an Asse still . Gentlemen , I haue no more to say to the Doctor , dispose of the victorie as you please , shortly I will present you wi●h some thing that shal be better than nothing , onely giue mee a gentle hire for my durtie day labor , and I am your bounden Orator foreuer .

Sonnetto . Were there no warres , poore men should haue no peace , Vncessant warres with waspes and droanes I crie : Hee that begins , oft knows not how to cease , They haue begun , I le follow till I die . I le heare no truce , wrong gets no graue in mee , Abuse pell mel encounter with abuse : Write hee againe , I le write eternally . Who feedes reuenge hath found an endlesse Muse. If death ere made his blacke dart of a pen , My penne his speciall Baily shall becum : Somewhat I le be reputed of mongst men , By striking of this duns or dead or dum , Awaite the world the Tragedy of wrath , What next I paint shall trea● no common path . Aut nunquam tentes aut perfice . Tho. Nashe .