Nobody and Somebody

NO-BODY , AND SOME-BODY . Enter Cornwell and Martianus . Corn.

MY Lord Martianus .

Mar.

My Lord of Cornwell .

Corn.

Morrow .

Mar.

Morrow ,

Corn.

You are sad my Lord .

Mar.

You melancholy .

Corne . So , The state it selfe mournes in a robe of Wo . Mar, For the decease of Archigalloes vertues , I vnderstand you Noble minded Cornwell , What generous spirit drawes this Brittish ayre , But droops at Archigalloes gouernement . corn . And reason Martianus , when the Sunne Struggles to be deliuered from the wombe Of an obscure Eclipse , doth not the earth Mourne to behold his shine envelloped , O Corbonon when I did close thine eyes , I gaue release to Britaines miseries . Enter Elydure . Mar.

Good morrow to Prince Elydure .

Elid. The same to you , and you , you are sad my Lordes , your harts I thinke are frosty , for your blood Seemes crvsted in your faces , like the dew In a September morne , how fares the king , Haue you yet bid good morrow to his highnes . Corn.

The kings not stirring yet .

Enter Vïgenius and Peridure . Perid Yonder 's old Cornwell , come Vïgenius , Wee le haue some sport with him : Vig.

Brother content .

Perid.

Good morrow to you brother Elydure .

Cornwel ,

God morrow to Cornwell .

Vig.

Morrow old gray-beard .

Corn.

My beards not so gray as your wits greene .

Vig.

And why so .

Perid.

We shall ha you come out now with some reason that was borne in my great grand sires time .

Corn.

Would you would proue as honest princes as your great graundsire was , or halfe so wise as your elder brother was , there s a Couple of you , Sfoote I am ashamed you should be of the blood royall .

Perid.

And why father winter .

Corn. You doe not know your state , there s Elydure Your elder brother next vnto the King , He plies his booke , when shall you see him trace Lasciuious Archigallo through the streets , And fight with common hacksters hand to hand , To wrest from them their goods and dignityes . Perid.

You are to saucy Cornwell .

Vig.

Bridle your spirit .

Elyd. Your words are dangerous , good honest subiect Old reuerent states-man , faithful seruitor , Doe not traduce the King , hee s vertuous Or say he tread somewhat besides the line Of vertuous gouernment , his regality Brookes not taxation , kings greatest royalties Are that their subiects must aplaud their deedes , As well as beare them their prerogatiues . Are murall interponents twixt the world , And their proceedings . Corn. Well , well , I haue serued foure kings , And none of all those foure but would haue ventured Their safeties on old Cornwels constancy , But that s all one , now I am cald a dotard , Go to , though now my limbes be starke and stiffe , When Cornwels dead Brittayne I know will want So strong a prop , Alasse I needs must weepe , And shed teares in abundance , when I thinke How Archigallo wrongs his gouernment . Vig.

Nay , now you le fall into your techy humor .

Enter Lord Sicophant . Sicoph. My Lords , Princes I should haue said , and after Lords , I am the Vsher and Harbinger vnto the kings most Excellent person and his Maiesty . Vig.

Is fourth comming .

Sicoph.

Or comming fourth , hard by or at hand , will you Put your gestures of attendaunce on , to giue his Maiestie the Bon-ioure .

Enter Archigallo and two Lords . Morgan Malgo. All .

Good morrow to our soueraigne Archigallo .

Arch.

Morrow .

Corn. Why do you frowne vpon your seruants king , We loue you , and you ought to fauor vs : Will you to Counsel . Heere s petitions , Complaints and controuersies twixt your subiects , Appealing all to you . Arch.

Let s see those papers . A controuersie betwixt the Lord Morgan and the Lord Malgo , concerning their Tytles to the Southerne Island . We know this cause and what their titles be . You claime it by inheritance .

Morg.

My liege I do .

Arch. You by the marriage of Lord Morgans mother , To whom it was left ioynture . Malgo.

True gratious Soueraigne .

Arch. Whose euidence is strongest , to which part Inclines the censures of our learned Iudges . Morgan . We come not heer to plead before your grace , But humblie to intreat your Maiestie , Peruse our euidence and censure it , According to your wisedome . Arch.

What I determine then you le yeeld vnto .

Both .

We will my Soueraigne .

Arch. Then that Southerne I le we take to our protection , and make you Lord gouernor thereof . Sicoph.

I humblie thanke your highnesse .

Mal.

I hope your Maiesty .

Arch. Replie not , I but take it to my selfe Because I would not haue dissention betwixt two peeres , I loue to see you friends , And now the Islands mine , your quarrell ends . What s next . A poore Nothern mans humble petition . Which is the plaintiue ? Enter clowne , Wench , and Rafe . Rafe .

I if it please your Maiestie I was betrothed to this maid .

Arch.

Is this true my Wench .

Wench .

T is verie true and like your maiestie , but this tempting fellow after that , most felloniously stole my hart awaie fro me , caried it into the church , and I running after him to get my hart againe , was there married to this other man .

clown .

T is verie true and like your maiesty , though Raphe were once looke for a propper man , yet when I came in place it appeared otherwise : if your highnesse note his leg and mine , there is ods , and for a foot , I dare compare , I haue a wast to , and though I say it , that shoulde not saye it there are faces in place of Gods making .

Arch.

Thou art a proper fellow , and this wench is thine by lawfull marriage .

clown .

Rafe you haue your answer , you may be gon , your onely way to saue charges , is to buy a halpenniwoorth of Hob-nailes for your shooes : Alasse you might haue looked into this before , go silly Rafe go , away , vanish .

Arch.

Is not this Lasse a pretty Neat browne Wrench ?

Sicoph.

She is my liege , and mettell I dare warrant .

Arch.

Fellow , how long hast thou been married ?

Clown .

I was as they say coupled the same day that my country man Raphe begunne the law : for to tell your Maiestie the truth , we are yet both virgins , it did neuer freese betwixt vs two in a bed I assure your grace .

Arch.

Didst neuer lie with thy wife ?

Clown .

Neuer yet , but nowe your Maiestie hath ended the matter I le be so bold as take possession .

Arch.

Harke my wench , wilt leaue these rusticke fellowes & stay with me ?

Wench .

What will your highnes doe with me ?

Arch.

Why I le make thee a Lady .

Wench .

And shall I goe in fine clothes like a Lady .

Arch.

Thou shalt .

Wench .

I le be a Lady then , that s flat , sweet heart farewell , I must be a Lady , so I must .

Clow.

How now , how now , but heare you Sir .

Wench .

Away you Clowne , away .

Clown .

But will your highnes rob me of my spouse .

Arch.

What we will , we will , away with those slaues .

Clown .

Zounds , if euer I take you in Yorkshire for this .

Sicoph.

Away you slaues .

Corn.

My Lord , these generall wrongs will draw your highnesse into the common hatred of your subiects .

Arch. What s that to thee , old doting Lord forbeare . What s heere ? complaints against one Nobody , For ouermuch releeuing of the poore , Helping distressed prisoners , entertayning Extrauagants and vagabonds , what fellowes this ? Corn. My liedge I know him , he 's an honest subiect That hates extortion , vsury , and such sinnes As are too common in this Land of Brittaine . Arch. I le haue none such as he within my kingdome , Hee shall be banisht . Sicoph. Heare my aduise my liedge : I know a fellow That s opposite to Nobody in all thinges : As he affects the poore , this other hates them , Loues vsurie and extortion . Send him straight Into the Country , and vpon my life , Ere many monthes he will deuise some meanes To make that Nobody bankrout , make him flie His Country , and be neuer heard of more . Arch.

What doost thou call his name .

Sicoph.

His name is Sombody my liedge .

Arch. Seeke out that Sombody , we le send him straight , What other matters stay to be decided Determine you , and you , the rest may follow To giue attendance . Exeunt all but the Lords . Manent Cornwell and Martianus . Mart. All 's nought already , yet these vnripe ills Haue not their full growth , and their next degree Must needes be worse then nought , and by what name Doe you call that ? Cornw. I know none bad enough : Base , vild , notorious , vgly monstrous , slauish , Intollerable , abhorred , damnable ; T is worse then bad , I le be no longer vassaile To such a tirannous rule , nor accessarie To the base sufferance of such out-rages . Mart. You le not indure it , how can you remedie A mayme so dangerous and incurable ? Corn. There is a way ; but walls haue eares and eyes , Your eare my Lord , and counsell . Mart. I haue eares Open to such discourse , and counsell apt : And to the full recouery of these wounds Made in the sicke state , most effectuall , A word in priuate . Enter Peridure and Vigenius . Perid. Come brother , I am tyrde with reuelling , My last Caranta made me almost breathlesse , Doth not the Kings last wench foote it with art ? Vige. Oh rarely , rarely , and beyond opinion . I like this state where all are Libertines But by ambitions pleasure and large will : See , see , two of our strict liu'd Counsellors In secret conference ; they cannot indure This freedome . Perid. Nor the rule of Archigallo , Because t is subiect to his libertie . Are they not plotting now for some installement And change of state : old gallants if you be T will cost your heads . Vige. Bodies and all for me . List them , such strict reproouers should not liue , Their austere censures on their kings to giue . Corn.

He must be then deposd .

Perid.

Ey , are you there , that word sounds treason .

Vig.

Nay , but farther heare .

Mart. The King deposd , how must it be effected , What strengths and powers can sodenly be leuied , Who will assist this busines , to reduce The state to better forme and gouernment ? Vig.

Ey mary , more of that .

Corn. All Cornwell s at my becke , Deuonshire our neighbour Is one with vs , you in the North commaund . The oppressed , wrongd , deiected and supprest , Will flocke on all sides to this innovation : The Clergie late despisd , the Nobles scornd , The Commons trode on , and the Law contemnd , Will lend a mutuall and combyned power Vnto this happie change . Peri.

Oh monstrous treason !

Mart. My Lord , we are betraide , and ouer-heard By the two princes . Corn.

How , betraide .

Mart.

Our plots discouered .

Corn. I le helpe it all ; doe you but sooth me vp , We le catch them in the trap they lay for vs . Mart.

I le do ot .

Corn. Now sir , the king deposd Who shall succeede ? Mart.

Some would say Elidure .

Corn. Tush , he 's too milde to rule . But there are two young princes , hopefull youths And of rare expectation in the Land , Oh would they daigne to beare this weightie charge Betwixt them , and support the regall scepter With ioynt assistance , all our hopes were full . Vig.

A Scepter .

Perid.

And a Crowne .

Mart. What if we made the motion ? we haue wills To effect it , we haue power to compasse it . Vig.

And if I make refusall , heauen refuse me .

Perid. These Counsellors are wise , and see in vs More vertue then we in our selues discerne . Would it were come to such election . Corn. My honord Lord , we le breake it to those princes , Those hopefull youths , at our conuenient leasure . Mart.

With all my hart .

Corn. You that our footsteps watcht , Shall in the depth of your owne wiles be catcht . Exeunt . Vig.

A King .

Perid.

And were a crowne , a crowne imperiall .

Vig.

And sit in state .

Perid.

Commaund .

Vig.

And be obeyed .

Perid.

Our Nobles kneeling .

Vig.

Seruants homaging , and crying Aue .

Perid. Oh brother , shall we through nice folly Despise the profferd bountie of these Lords ? Vig. Not for the world , I long to sit in state , To purse the bountie of our gracious fate . Perid.

To entertaine forreine Embassadors .

Vig.

And haue our names ranckt in the course of kings .

Perid.

Shadow vs State with thy maiesticke wings .

Enter King , Cornwell , Martianus , and Elidure . Vige.

Now sir , my brother Archigall deposde

Corn.

Deposd ! did you heare that my Lord .

Vig. For his licensious rule , and such abuses As we le pretend gainst him in parliament . Arch.

Oh monstrous brothers .

Elidu.

Oh ambitious youthes .

Vig. Thus we le deuide the Land , all beyond Trent And Humber , shall suffise one moitie : The south part of the Land shall make the tother , Where we will keepe two Courts , and raigne deuided , Yet as deere louing brothers . Arch.

As vild traitors .

Perid. Then Archigall , thou that hast sat in pompe And seene me vassaile , shalt behold me crownd , Whilst thou with humble knees vailst to my state . Arch. And when must this be doone , when shall my crowne Be parted and deuided into halfes . You raigne on this side Humber , you beyond The riuer Trent , when doe you take your states , Sit crownd and scepterd to receiue our homage , Our dutie , and our humble vassalage . Perid.

I know not when .

Arch.

Nor you ?

Vige.

Nor I .

Arch. But I know when you shall repent your pride . Nor will we vse delayes in our reuenge , Ambitious boyes , we doome you prisonment , Your Pallace royall shall a Iaile be made , Your thrones a dungeon , and your scepters Irons , In which we le bound your proude aspiring thoughts : A way with them , we will not mount our chayre Till their best hopes be changd to blacke despaire . Perid.

Heare vs excuse our selues .

Vige. Or let s discouer Who drew vs to this hope of soueraigntie . Arch. That shall our further leysures arbitrate , Our eares are deafe to all excusiue pleas , Come vnambitious brother Elidurus , Helpe vs to lauish our abundant treasures , In masks , sports , reuells , riots , and strange pleasures . Exeunt : Enter Sombody with two or three seruaunts . Somb. But is it true the fame of Nobody , For vertue , almes-deedes , and for charitie , Is so renownd and famous in the Country ? Seru. Oh Lord sir ey , hes talkt of farre and neere , Fills all the boundlesse country with aplause , There liues not in all Britaine one so spoke of , For pittie , good mind , and true charitie . Somb.

Which Sombody shall alter er t be long .

Seru. You may my Lord beeing in grace at Court , And the high fauours of King Archigallo Exile this petty fellow from the Land , That so obscures the beautie of your deedes . Sombod.

What doth this Nobody ?

Seru. You shall heare my Lord , Come twentie poore men to his gate at once , Nobody giues them mony , meate and drinke , If they be naked , clothes , then come poore souldiers , Sick , maymd , and shot , from any forraine warres , Nobody takes them in , prouides them harbor , Maintaines their ruind fortunes at his charge , He giues to orphants , and for widdowes buildes Almes-houses , Spittles , and large Hospitals , And when it comes in question , who is apt For such good deedes , t is answerd Nobody . Now Nobodie hath entertaind againe Long banisht Hospitalitie , and at his boord A hundred lustie yeomen daily waites , Whose long backs bend with weightie chynes of biefe , And choise of cheere , whose fragments at his gate Suffice the generall poore of the whole shire . Nobodies table 's free for trauellers , His buttry and his seller ope to all That starue with drought , or thirst vpon the way , Somb.

His fame is great , how should we helpe it ?

Seru. My Lord , t is past my reach , t is you must doe it , Or 't must be left vndone . Somb.

What deedes of note is he els famous for ?

Seru. My Lord I le tell you . His Barnes are full , and when the Cormorants And welthy Farmers hoord vp all the graine , He empties all his Garners to the poore Vnder the stretcht prise that the Market yeelds , Nobody racks no rents , doth not oppresse His tenants with extortions . When the King Knighted the lustie gallants of the Land , Nobody then made daintie to be knighted , And indeede kept him in his knowne estate . Somb.

The slaues ambitious ; and his life I hate .

Seru.

How shall we bring his name in publick scandall ?

Sombo. Thus it shall be , vse my direction . In Court and country I am Sombody , And therefore apt and fit to be employed : Goe thou in secrete beeing a subtile knaue . And sowe seditious slaunders through the Land , Oppresse the poore , suppresse the fatherlesse , Deny the widdowes foode , the staru'd releefe , And when the wretches shall complaine their wrongs , Beeing cald in question , sweare t was Nobody , Racke rents , raise prises , Buy vp the best and choise commodities At the best hand , then keepe them till their prises Be lifted to their height , and double rate , And when the raisers of this dearth are sought Though Sombody doe this , protest and sweare T was Nobody fore Iudge and Magistrate : Bring scandalls on the rich , raise mutinous lyes Vpon the state , and rumors in the Court , Backbite and sow dissention amongst freends , Quarrels mongst neighbors , & debate mongst strangers , Set man and wife at ods , kindred at strife , And when it comes in question , to cleere vs , Let euery one protest and sweare for one , And so the blame will fall on Nobody . About it then , if these things well succeede , You shall preuaile , and we applaude your speede . Enter Nobody and the Clowne . See where he comes , I will withdraw and see , The euent and fortunes of our last pollicie . Nobod.

Come on myne owne seruaunt , some newes , some newes , what report haue I in the country ? how am I talkt on in the Citty , and what fame beare I in the Court ?

Clowne .

Oh Maister you are halfe hangd .

Nobod.

Hangd , why man ?

Clowne .

Because you haue an ill name : a man had as good almost serue no Maister as serue you , I was carried afore the Constable but yesterday , and they tooke mee vp for a strauagant ; they askt mee whom I serued , I told them Nobody , they presently drew mee to the post , and there gaue me the law of armes .

Nobody .

The law of armes .

Clow ,

Ey , as much lawe as their armes were able to lay on , they tickled my Collifodium , I rid post for a quarter of an houre , with switch though not with spurre .

Nobod.

Sure Sombody was the cause of all .

Clow.

I le be sworne of that , Sombody tickled me a heate , and that I felt , but Maister , why doe you goe thus out of fashion ; you are euen a very hoddy doddy , all breech ,

Nobod.

And no body . But if my breeches had as much cloth in them , as euer was drawne betwixt Kendall and Canning street , they were scarce great enough to hold all the wrongs that I must pocket :

Fie , fie , how I am slaunderd through the world . Nobody keepes tall fellowes at his heeles , Yet if you meete a crew of rogues and beggars , Aske who they serue , thei le aunswere Nobody . Your Caualiers and swaggerers bout the towne , That dominere in Tauerns , sweare and stare , Vrge them vpon some termes , thei le turne their malice To me , and say thei le fight with Nobody , Or if they fight , and Nobody by chaunce Come in to part them , I am sure to pay for it , And Nobody be hurt when they scape scotfree : And not the dastardst coward in the world But dares about with me . What shall I doe ? Somb. Doe what thou wilt , before we end this strife , I le make thee tenne times weary of thy life . Clown .

But doe you heare Maister , when I haue seru'd you a yere or two , who shall pay me my wages ?

Nobo.

Why Nobody .

Clowne .

Indeede if I serue Nobody , Nobody must pay me my wages , therefore I le euen seeke out Sombody or other , to get me a newe seruice ; but the best is Maister if you runne away , you are easie to be found againe .

Nobod.

Why so sir ?

Clowne .

Mary aske a deafe man whom hee heares , hee le straight say Nobody , aske the blindest beetle that is whom hee sees , and hee le aunswere , Nobodie , hee that neuer saw in his life can see you , though you were as little as a moate , and hee that neuer heard , can heare you , though you treade as softlie as a Mouse , therefore I shall be sure neuer to loose you . Besides , you haue one commoditie Maister , which none hath besides you , if you should loue the most fickle & inconstants wench that is in the world , shee le be true to Nobody , therefore constant to you .

Nobod. And thou sayest true in that my honest seruaunt , Besides , I am in great especiall grace With the King Archigallo that now raignes In tiranny , and strange misgouerment , Nobody loues him , and he loues Nobody . But that which most torments my troubled soule , My name is made mere opposite to vertue , For he is onely held peacefull and quiet , That quarrels , brawles , and fights with Nobody , He 's honest held that lies with Nobodies wife , And he that hurts and iniures Nobody , All the world saies , ey that s a vertuous man . And though a man haue doone a thousand mischiefes , And come to proue the forfeit made to law , If he can proue he hath wrong'd Nobody , No man can touch his life . This makes me mad , This makes me leaue the place where I was bred , And thousand times a day to wish me dead . Somb. And I le pursue thee where so ere thou fliest , Nor shalt thou rest in England till thou diest . Clowne .

Maister , I would wish you to leaue the Country , and see what good entertainement you wil haue in the Cittie , I do not think but there you will be most kindly respected , I haue been there in my youth , there 's Hospitalitie , & you talke of Hospitalitie , and they talke of you bomination to see : for there Maister come to them as often as you will , foure times a day , and they le make Nobody drinke , they loue to haue Nobody trouble them , and without good securitie they will lend Nobody mony . Come into Birchin Lane , they le giue Nobody a sute , chuse where hee list ; goe into Cheapeside , and Nobody may take vp as much plate as he can carrie .

Nobod. Then I le to London , for the Country tires me With exclamations , and with open wrongs , Sith in the Cittie they affect me so . Clowne .

O Maister , there I am sure Nobody may haue anie thing without mony , Nobody may come out of the Tauerne without paying his reckoning at his pleasure .

Enter a man meeting his wife . Nobody .

That 's better then the Country . Who comes heere ?

Man

Minion , where haue you been all this night ?

Wife

Why doe you aske husband ?

Man

Because I would know wife .

Wife .

I haue beene with Nobody .

Nobod.

T is a lie good man , beleeue her not , shee was not with mee .

Man

And who hath layne with you to night ?

Wife

Lye with mee , why Nobody .

Nobod.

Oh monstrous , they would make me a whore-maister .

Man

Well , I doe not thinke but Sombody hath been with you .

Sombo.

Sombody was indeed .

Wife .

Gods life husband , you doe me wrong , I lay with Nobody .

Man. Well minion , though Nobody beare the blame , Vse it no more , least Sombody bide the shame . Nobod. I will endure no longer in this Clymate It is so full of slaunders , I le to the Cittie , And there performe the deedes of charitie . Enter the 2 man and a prentice . 2 Man.

Now you rascall , who haue you beene withall at the ale-house ?

Prent.

Sooth I was with Nobody .

Nobod.

Not with me .

2 Man.

And who was drunke there with you ?

Prent.

Sooth Nobody was drunke with me .

Nobod. O intollerable ! they would make me a drunkard to , I cannot indure any longer , I must hence , No patience with such scandals can dispence . 2 Man. Well sirra , if I take you so againe , I le so belabour you : O neighbour good morrow . 1 Man .

Good morrow ,

2 Man

You are sad me thinkes ,

1 Man

Faith sir I haue cause , I haue lent a friend of mine a hundred pounde , and haue Nobodyes worde for the payment , bill , nor bond , nor any thing to shew .

2 Man.

Haue you Nobodies worde , I le assure you that Nobodie is a good man , a good man I assure you neighbor , Nobodie will keepe his worde , Nobodies worde is as good as his bond .

1 Man Ey , say you so , nay then let s drinke downe sorrow , If none would lend , then Nobody should borrow . Nobody Yet there 's one keepes a good tongue in his head , That can giue Nobody a good report , I am beholding to him for his praise : But since my man so much commends the Cittie , I le thether , and to purchase me a name , Take a large house of infinite receipt , There keepe a table for all good spirits , And all the chimneyes shall cast smoake at once : There I le giue schollers pensions , Poets gold , Arts their deserts , Philosophy due praise , Learning his merrit , and all worth his meede . There I le release poore prisoners from their dungeons . Pay Creditors the debts of other men , And get my selfe a name mongst Cittizens , That after times pertakers of all blisse , May thus record , Nobody did all this . Country farewell , whose slaunderous tongues I slie , The Cittie now shall lift my name on hie . Sombody Whether I le follow thee with Swallowes wings , And nimble expedition , there to raise New brawles and rumors to eclipse thy praise . Those subtile , slie insinuating fellowes Whom Sombody hath sent into the country , To rack , transport , extort , and to oppresse , Will I call home , and all their wits employ Against this publique Benefactor , knowne Honest , for all the rumors by vs sowne . But howsoeuer , I am sworne his foe , And opposite to all his meriting deedes , This way must doe , though my deuining thoughts This augurie amidsts their changes haue , That Sombody will at length be proou'd a knaue . Exeunt . Enter Queene , Sicophant , and Lady Elidure seuerallie . Sicoph. Good day to you both faire Ladies , But fairest of them both my gratious Queene , Good day to your high Maiestie , and madam The royall Lady of great Elidure , My Soueraignes brother , vnto you I wish This morning prooue as gracious and as good . Queene Those greetings from the Lady Elidure Would pleasingly sound in our princely eares . Lady Such greetings from great Archigalloes queene Would be most gratious to our princely eare . Queene . What no good morrow and our grace so neere . Reach me my gloue . Lady .

Whom speakes this woman to ?

Queene . Why to my subiect , to my waiting maid , Am not I mightie Archigalloes queene ? Is not my Lord the royall English King , Thy husband and thy selfe my seruitors ? Lady Is my Coach ready , where are all my men That should attend vpon our awfull frowne , What not one neere ? Queen .

Minion , my gloue .

Sicoph.

Madam , her highnes gloue .

Lady .

My scarfe is falne , one of you reach it vp .

Queene .

You heare me .

Lady Painted Maiestie be gone , I am not to be countercheckt by any . Quee.

Shall I beare this ?

Sicoph. Be patient , I will schoole her . Your excellence greatly forgets your selfe To be so dutilesse vnto the Queene , I haue seene the world , I know what t is to obey , And to commaund . What if it please the Queene That you her subiect should attend on her , And take her gloue vp , is it meete that I Should stoope for yours ? You 're proud , fie , fie , you 're proud . This must not be twixt such two royall sisters As you by marriage are ; goe to submit , Her Maiestie is easie to forgiue . Lady .

Sawcie Lord forbeare , there 's for your exhortation .

Queene . I cannot beare this , t is insufferable , I le to the King , and if he saue thy life He shall haue mine : madnes and wrath attend , My thoughts are leueld at a bloody end . Exit . Lady . Shee 's shadow , We the true substance are : follow her those That to our greatnesse dare themselues oppose . Enter Cornwell , Martianus , Morgan and Malgo. Cornw. Helth to your Ladiship , I would say Queene If I might haue my minde , bi r lady Ladie . Mart. I had a sute vnto the King with this Lord For the great office of high Seneshall , Because of our good seruice to the state , But he in scorne , as he doth euery thing , Hath tane it from vs both , and gin 't a foole . Morg.

To a Sicophant , a courtly parasite .

Sicoph. Beare witnes Madam , I le goe tell the King That they speake treason . Malgo. Passe vpon our swords , You old exchecker of all flatterie , I tell thee Archigallo shall be deposd , And thou disroab'd of all thy dignitie . Sicoph.

I hope not so .

Cornw. See heere the Counsels hands , Subscrib'd to Archigallos ouerthrow . The names of sixteene royall English Peeres , Ioynd in a league that is inviolate , And nothing wants but Elidurus grant To accept the kingdome when the deede is done . Sicoph.

Nay then I le take your parts , and ioyne with you .

Mart. We will not haue a Clawbacks hand comixt With such heroick peeres . Sicoph. I hope my Lady Is not of their minds . My most gratious Queene , What I did speake in reprehensiue sort , Was more because her Maiestie was present Then any offence of yours , and so esteeme it , God knowes I loue your highnes , and these Lords . Lady Which of you will perswade my Elidure To take vpon him Englands royaltie . Mart. Madam , we all haue so importund him , Laying vnto his iudgement euery thing That might attract his sences to the crowne , But he frost braind will not be obtaind To take vpon him this Realmes gouernment . Malg. Hee is the verie soule of lenitie , If euer moderation liu'd in any , Your Lord with that rich vertue is possest . Lady This mildnes in him makes me so despisd By the proude Queene , and by her fauourits . Enter Elidure . Cornw.

See maddam where he comes reading a booke .

Lady My Lord and husband , with your leaue this booke Is fitter for an Vniuersitie Then to be lookt on , and the Crowne so neere : You know these Lords for tyrannie haue sworne To banish Archigallo from the throne , And to invest you in the royaltie : Will you not thanke them , and with bounteous hands Sprinckle their greatnes with the names of Earles , Dukes , Marquesses , and other higher termes . Elid. My deerest loue , the essence of my soule , And you my honord Lords , the sute you make , Though it be iust for many wrongs imposd , Yet vnto me it seemes an iniurie . What is my greatnes by my brothers fall , But like a starued body nourished With the destruction of the other lymbes . Innumerable are the griefes that waite On horded treasures , then much more on Crownes : The middle path , the golden meane for me , Leaue me obedience , take you Maiestie . Lady . Why this is worser to my lofty minde , Then the late checks giuen by the angry Queene . Corn. If you refuse it , knowe we are determined To lay it else where . Lady . On your younger brother , And then no doubt we shall be awde indeed , When the ambition of the elders wife , Can scarsly giue our patience any bounds : England is sicke of pride and tirrany , And in thy goodnes only to be curde . Thou art cald foorth amongst a thousand men , To minister this soueraigne Antidote , To amend thy brothers crueltie with loue , And if thou wilt not from oppression free Thy natiue Country , thou art vilde as he . Elid.

I had rather stay his leasure to amend .

Lady . Men , heauen , gods , deuills , what power should I invoke , To fashion him a new : thunder come downe , Crowne me with ruine , since not with a Crowne . Cornw. Long life vnto the Kingly Elidure , Trumpets proclaime it whether he will or no . Lady . For that conceit Lords , you haue wonne my hart , In his despight let him be straight waies Crownd , That I may triumphe whilst the trumpets sound . Elid.

Carry me to my graue , not to a Throne .

Lady . Helpe Lords to seate him , nay helpe euery one : So should the Maiestie of England sit , Whilst we in like state doe associate him . Elid. Neuer did any lesse desire to raigne Then I , heauen knowes this greatnes is my paine . Lady . Paine me in this sort great Lords euery day , T is sweete to rule . Elid.

T is sweeter to obay .

Cornw. Liue King of England long and happily , As long and happily your Highnes liue . Lady . We thanke you Lords , now call in the deposd , Him and his proud Queene , bring vnto our sight , That in her wrongs we may haue our delight . Enter Archigallo , and his Queene bound . Archi. Betrayd , tane prisoner , and by those that owe To me their duty , and allegiance : My brother the vsurper of the Crowne , Oh this is monstrous , most insufferable . Elid. Good brother grieue not , t is against my will , That I am made a King , pray take my place , I had rather be your subiect then your Lord . Lady . So had not I , sit still my gracious Lord , Whilst I looke through this Tyrant with a frowne , Minion reach vp my gloue . Queene . Thinkst thou because Thy husband can dissemble piety , And therein hath deposd my royall Lord , That I am lesser in estate then Queene ? No thine owne answere lately giuen to me , I thus reuet , stoope thou proud Queene for me . Sicoph. Nay , then as I did lately to her Highnes , I must admonish you , diected Lady You doe forget your selfe , and where you are , Duty is debt , and it is fit since now You are a subiect , to beare humble thoughts : Follow my counsell Lady and submit , Her Maiestie no doubt will pardon it . Queene .

There s for your paines .

Sicoph. Which way so ere I goe , I haue it heere , whether it ebbe or flowe . Lady . That pride of thine shall be thy ouerthrowe . And thus I sentence them . Elid.

Leaue that to me ?

Lady . No you are too mild , iudgment belongs to me : Thou Archigallo for thy tirranie , For euer be excluded from all rule , And from thy life . Elid.

Not from his life I pray .

Lady . He vnto whom the greatest wrongs are done , Dispatch him quickly . Morg.

That will I .

Maglo.

Or I .

Elid.

And therein Lords effect my tragedie .

Lady . Why strike you not , oh t is a dangerous thing , To haue a liuing subiect of a King : Much treason may be wrought , when in his death , Our safty is secur'd . Elid. Banish him rather , oh sweete spare his life , He is my brother . Archi.

Crownd , and pray thy wife .

Elid. Oh brother , if you roughly speake , I knowe There is no hope but your sure ouerthrowe , Pray be not angry with me for my loue : To banishment since it must needes be so , His life I giue him whosoere saies no . Lady .

What and his Ladies to .

Elid.

I hers and all .

Lady . But I le not haue you banisht with the King , No Minion no , since you must liue , be assur'd I le make thee meanest of my waiting Maides . Queene .

I scorne thy pride .

Archi. Farewell deceiuing state , Pride making Crowne , my deerest wife farewell : I have beene a Tyrant , and I le be so still . Exit . Elid.

Alas my brother .

Lady . Dry vp childish teares , And to these Lords that haue inuested you , Giue gracious lookes , and honorable deedes . Elid. Giue them my Crowne , oh giue them all I haue , Thy Throne I reckon but a glorious graue . Lady . Then from my selfe these dignities receiue , The Iland wrested from you I restore , See it be giuen them backe Lord Sicophant . The office of hie Seneschall bereft you , My Lord of Cornwell to your grace we giue . You Martianus be our Treasurer , And if we find you faithfull , be assur'd You shall not want preferment at our hands . Meane time this office we impose on you , Be Tutor to this Lady , and her pride With your learnd principles whereof you are full Turne to humility , or vex her soule , Queene .

Torment on torment , tutord by a foole .

Sicoph.

Madam , it is her Highnes will be pleas'd .

Lady . Young Peridurus and Vigenius , Lords Release from prison , and because your King , Is mightely affected vnto Yorke , Thether dismisse the Court incontinent . Sicoph.

Shall it be so my Liedge .

Lady . Are not we King . His silence saies it , and what we ordaine , Who dares make question of : this day for euer Thorough our raigne beheld a festiuall : And tryumphe Lords that England is set free , From a vild tyrant and his crueltie : Elid. On to our funerall , t is no matter where , I sinne I knowe in suffering pride so neere . Exeunt . Enter Nobody , and the Clowne . Nobody .

Ahem boy , Nobody is sound yet for all his troubles .

Clow.

And so is Nobodies man for all his whipping , but Maister we are nowe in the Citty , wald about from slaunder , there cannot a lie come in but it must runne thorough bricke , or get the goodwill of the warders , whose browne bills looke blew vppon all passengers .

Nobody .

O this Citty , if Nobody liue to be as old againe , be it spoken in secret , I le haue fenst about with a wall of brasse .

Clowne .

Of Nobodies making , that will be rare .

Nobody .

I le bring the Tems through the middle of it , empty Moore-ditch at my owne charge , and build vp Paules-steple without a collection . I see not what becomes of these collections .

Clowne .

Why Nobody receaues them .

Nobody .

I knaue ?

Clowne .

You knaue : or as the world goes , Somebody receiues all , and Nobody is blamd for it .

Nobody .

But is it rumord so thorough out the Citty .

Clowne .

Doe not you knowe that ? there s not an orphants portion lost out of the Chamber , but Nobody has got it , no Corne transported without warrant , but Nobody has donne it , no goods stolne but by Nobody , no extortion without Nobody : and but that truth will come to light , fewe wenches got with child , but with Nobody .

Nobody .

Nay that s by Somebody .

Clowne .

I thinke Somebody had a hand in 't , but Nobody sometimes paies for the nursing of it .

Nobody .

Indeede I haue taken into my charge many a poore infant left to the almes of the wide world , I haue helpt many a vertuous maide to a good husband , & nere desird her maiden-head : redeemed many Gentlemens lands , that haue thankt Nobody for it , built Pest-houses , and other places of retirement in the sicknes time for the good of the Cittie , and yet Nobody cannot get a good word for his labor .

Clowne .

T is a mad world Maister .

Nobody . Yet this mad world shall not make me mad , I am All spirit , Nobody let them grieue , That scrape for wealth I will the poore relieue , Where are the Maisters of the seuerall prisons : Within and neere adioyning to the Citty , That I may spred my charity abroad . Clowne .

Heere they be Sir .

Enter three or foure . Nobody . Welcome Gentlemen : You are they that make poore men housholders Against their wills , and yet doe them no wrong : You haue the actions , and the cases of your sides , Whilst your Tenants in comon , want money to fill them . How many Gentlemen of lesse reuenewes then Nobody , Lie in your Knights ward , for want of maintenance . 1

I am Sir a Keeper of the Counter , and there are in our wards aboue a hundred poore prisoners , that are like nere to come foorth without satisfaction .

Nobody .

But Nobody will be their benefactor . What in yours .

As many as in the other prison .

Nobody .

There s to release them . What in yours .

Double the number , and in the Gayle .

Nobody .

Talke not of the Gayle , t is full of limetwigs , lifts , and pickpockets .

Is it your pleasure Sir to free them all .

Nobody .

All that he in for debt .

Ten thousand pound , and ten to that will not doe it .

Nobody . Nobody Sir will giue a hundred thousand , Ten hundred thousand , Nobody will not haue a prisoner , Because they all shall pray for Nobody . Clowne .

T is great pitty my Maister has Nobody , and so kind a hart .

A noise within . Follow , follow , follow . Nobody .

What outcries that ?

Enter Somebody , with two or three . Somebody . That is the gallant , apprehend him straight , T is he that sowes sedition in the Land , Vnder the couler of being charitable , When search is made for such in euery Inne , Though I haue seene them housd , the Chamberlaine For gold will answere there is Nobody : He for all bankrouts is a common bail , And when the execution should be serud Vpon the sureties , they find Nobody : In priuate houses who so apt to lie , As those that haue beene taught by Nobody , Seruants forgetfull of their Maisters friends , Being askt how many were to speake with him Whilst he was absent , they say Nobody , Nobody breakes more glasses in a house , Then all his wealth hath power to satisfie : If you will free this Citty then from shame , Sease Nobody , and let him beare the blame . Const.

Lay hold vpon him .

Nobody . What on Nobody , giue me my sword , my morglay , My friends , you that doe know how innocent I am , Draw in my quarrell , succor Nobody , What Nobody , but Nobody remaining . Clowne .

Yes Maister , I Nobodies man .

Nobody . Stand to me nobly then , and feare them not , Thy Maister Nobody , can take no wounds , Nobody is no coward , Nobody Dares fight withall the world . Somb. Vpon them then . A fight betwixt Somebody and Nobody , Nobody escapes . What has he scapt vs . Const.

He is gone my Lord .

Somb. It shall be thus , now you haue seene his shape , Let him be straight imprinted to the life : His picture shall be set on euery stall , And proclamation made , that he that takes him , Shall haue a hundred pounds of Sombody , Country and Citty , I shall thus set free , And haue more roome to worke my villanie . Exeunt . Nobody . What are they gonne , then Citty now adew , Since I haue taken such great iniury , For my good life within thy gouernment : No more will Nobody be charitable , No more will Nobody relieue the poore , Honor your Lord , and Maister Somebody , For Somebody is he that wrongs you all . I le to the Court the changing of the ayre , May peraduenture change my iniuries , And if I speede no better being there , Yet say that Nobody liu'd euery where . Exit . Enter Archigallo . Archi. I was a King , but now I am slaue , How happie were I in this base estate , If I had neuer tasted royaltie : But the remembrance that I was a King , Vnseasons the Content of pouertie , I heare the hunters musicke , heere I le lie , To keepe me out of sight till they passe by . Enter Morgan , and Malgo. Morgan . The stag is hearded , come my Lord Shall we to horse and single him againe . Malgo. Content , the King will chase , the day is spent And we haue kild no game , to horse , away . Exeunt . Enter Elidure . Elid. Hearded , goe single him , or couple straight , He will not fall to day , what fellowes this . Archi.

I am a man .

Elid. A banisht man I thinke , My brother Archigallo , i st not so . Archi. T is so , I am thy brother Elidure , All that thou hast is mine , the Crowne is mine , Thy royaltie is mine ; these hunting pleasures Thou doost vsurpe : ambitious Elidure I was a King . Elidu. And I may be a wretch : poore Archigallo , The sight of thee that wert my Soueraigne , In this estate , drawes riuers from mine eyes . Will you be king againe ? if they agree I le redeliuer all my royaltie , Saue what a second brother and a subiect Keepes in an humble bosome , for I sweare The Crowne is yours that Elidure doth weare . Arch. Then giue it me ; vse not the common sleights , To pittie one , and keepe away his right . Seest thou these ragges , doe they become my person ? O Elidure , take pittie on my state , Let me not still liue thus infortunate . Elidu. Alas , if pittie could procure your good , Insteed of water , I de weepe teares of blood To expresse both loue and pittie : say deere brother I should vncrowne my selfe , the angry Peeres Will neuer let me reach the imperiall wreathe To Archigalloes head . There 's ancient Cornwell , Stout Martianus , Morgan , and bold Malgo , From whom you tooke the pleasant Southerne I le , Will neuer kneele to you : what should I say , Your tirannie was cause of your decay . Arch. What shall I die then ? welcome be that fate Rather then still liue in this wretched state . Enter Cornwell , Martianus , Morgan and Malgo. Corn. Yonder 's the King ; my soueraigne you haue lost The fall of a braue stagge , he 's dead my liedge . What fellowes this ? Elidu.

Knowest him not Cornwell ?

Corn.

No my liedge not I .

Arch.

I am thy King .

Elid.

T is Archigallo man .

Corn. Thou art no king of mine , thou art a traytor , Thy life is forfeit by thy stay in Brittaine . Wert thou not banisht ? Elidu. Noble Cornwell speake More gently , or my piteous hart will breake , Lord Martianus , Morgan , and the rest , I am a wearie of my gouernment , And willinglie resigne it to my brother . Mart. Your brother was a tyrant , and my knee Shall neuer bow to wrong and tirannie . Elid. Yet looke vpon his misery , his teares Argue repentance ; thinke not honourd Lords The feare of dangers waiting on my Crowne Makes me so willing to resigne the same , For I am lou'd I know , but iustice bids I make a resignation , t is his right , My calls but vsurpation . Corn. Elidure , If you are wearie of your gouernment , We le set the Crowne vpon a strangers head Rather then Archigallo . Harke ye Lords , Shall we make him our King we did depose , So might our heads be chopt of , I le loose mine Ere my poore Country shall endure such wrongs , As that iniurious tyrant plagues her with , Mor. Keepe still your Crowne my Liedge , happy is Brittaine Vnder the gouernment of Elidure . Arch. Let it be so , Death is the happy period of all woe . The wretch that s torne vpon the torturing wrack , Feeles not more devilish torment then my hart . When I but call to minde my tirannie , I record heauen my Lords , my brothers fight , The pittie that he takes of my distresse , Your loue and true allegiance vnto him , Hath wrought in me a reconciled spirit , I doe confesse my sinne , and freely say , I did deserue to be deposd . Elidu. Alas good Prince , my honorable Lords , Be not flint-harted , pitty Archigallo , I know his penitentiall words proceede From a remorcefull spirit , I le ingage My life vpon his righteous gouernment . Good Cornwell , gentle Martianus , speake , Shall Archigallo be your king againe ? Arch.

By heauen I not desire it .

Elidu. See my Lords , Hee 's not ambitious , as thou lou'st me Cornwell , As thou didst loue our Father , let his sonne Be righted , giue him backe the gouernment You tooke from him . Corn. What should I say ? faith I shall fall a weeping : Therefore speake you . Elid.

Lord Martianus speake .

Mart.

What say these Lords that haue been wrongd by him .

Elidu. Morgan and Malgo , all I haue in Brittaine Shall be ingag'd to you , that Archigallo Will neuer more oppresse you , nor impose Wrong on the meanest subiect in the Land . Morg.

Then wee le embrace his gouernment .

Elidu.

Saies Malgo so ?

Malg.

I doe my Lord .

Elidu.

What saies Martianus ?

Mart.

Faith as my Lord of Cornwell .

Corn. I say that I am sorry he was bad . And now am glad hee 's chang'd ; his wickednes We punisht , and his goodnes there 's great reason Should be rewarded ; therefore Lords set on To Yorke then , to his Coronation . Elidu. Then happie Elidurus , happie day That takes from me a kingdomes cares away . Arch. And happie Archigallo that haue rangd From sin , to sin , and now at last am changd . My Lords and friends , the wrongs that you haue seene In me , my future vertues shall redeeme . Come gentle brother , pittie that should rest In women most , is harbor'd in thy brest . Exeunt . Enter Queene , Lady Elidure , and Flatterer . Lady Come haue you done your taske , now doe you see What t is to be so proude of Maiestie , We must take vp your gloue , and not be thought Worthy the name of Sister , thus you minx I le teach you ply your worke , and thanke me to , This paines will be your owne another day . Queene . Insulting , ouer-proude , ambitious woman , Queene I disdaine to call thee , thou doost wrong Thy brothers wife , indeede thy Kings espousd , And manger all thy tyrannie I sweare , Rather then still liue thus , I le perrish heere . Sicoph. You are not wise , deiected as you are To bandie braues against her Maiestie , You must consider you are now her subiect , Your tongue is bounded by the awe of dutie , Fie , fie , I needes must chide you , since I see You are so sawcie with her soueraigntie . Queene . Time was base spaniell thou didst fawne as much On me , as now thou striuest to flatter her : O God , that one borne noble should be so base , His generous blood to scandall all his race . Lady My Lord , if she continue these proude termes , I giue you libertie to punish her . I le not maintaine my prisoner and my slaue To raile gainst any one that honours me . Enter Morgan and Malgo. Morg. Health to the Queene , and happines to her That must change states with you , and once more raigne Queene of this Land . Queene Speake that againe , ô I will blesse my fate , If once more I supply my former state . Malgo. Long may your highnes liue , your banisht Lord Is by his brother Elidurus seated Once more in Britaines throne . Lady O I could teare my haire , base Elidure To wrong himselfe , and make a slaue of me . Queene Now minion , I le cry quittance with your pride , And make you stoope at our imperiall side : But tell me Morgan by what accident You met with my beloued Archigallo ? Morg. Euen in the woods where we did hunt the stagge , There did the tender harted Elidure Meete his distressed Brother , and so wrought By his importunate speech with all his Peeres , That after much deniall , yet at last They yeelded their allegiance to your Lord , Whom now we must acknowledge our dread King , And you our princelie Queene . Lady Thou Screchowle , Rauen , vglie throated slaue ; There 's for thy newes . Queene

Restraine her good my Lord .

Sicoph. Fie madam fie , fore God you are too blame In presence of my soueraigne ladie Queene To be thus rude , it would become you better To shew more dutie to her Maiestie . Lady .

O monstrous , was not I thy Queene but now .

Sicoph. Yes , when your husband was my King you were . But now the streame is turnd , and the States currant , Runnes all to Archigallo , blame not mee , Wisedome nere lou'd declined Maiestie . Enter Archigallo crownd , Elidure , Peridure , Vigenius , Cornwell , Martianus , and others . Queene . Welcome from banishment my louing Lord , Your kinglie presence wraps my soule to heauen . Arch. To heauen , and my kind brother Elidure , Faire Queene we owe chiefe thanks for this our greatnes , Next them , these honourable Lords . Corn. Great Queene , Once more the tribute of our bended knees We pay to you , and humbly kisse your hand . Mart.

So doth Martianus .

Perid.

And I .

Vige.

And I .

Queene . Our brothers , by how much that name exceedes The name of Lord , so much the more this dutie Deserues requitall , thanks both , and thanks to all . Arch.

Set on there .

Exeunt all but Lady & Sicophant Sicoph. Madam , you are not wise to grieue at that Heauen hath decreed , and the state yeelded to , No doubt her Maiestie will vse you well . Lady Well saiest thou : no I looke that she should treble All the disgraces I haue layd on her . I shall turne Laundresse now , and learne to starch , And set and poke , and pocket vp such basenes As neuer princesse did : did you obserue What lookes I cast at Elidure my husband ? Sicoph. Your lookes declard the passion of your hart , They were all fire . Lady . Would they had burnt his eyes out That hath eclipsd our state and Maiestie . Enter Queene , Morgan , and Malgo. Queene .

Bring hether the proude wife of Elidure ,

Sicop.

It shall be done .

Queene

Our shoe string is vntied , stoope minion , stoope .

Lady I le rather stoope to death thou moone-like Queene , New changd , and yet so proude : there s those are made For flexure , let them stoope , thus much I le doe , You are my Queene , t is but a debt I owe . Queene Bring me the worke there , I will taske you to , That by the howre spin it , I charge you doe . Lady A distaffe and a spindle , so indeed I told you this , Diana be my speede . Morg. Yet for his Princelie worth that made you Queene Respect her as the wife of Elidure . Enter Cornwell . Cornw.

Where 's the Queene ?

Queene

What newes with Cornwell , why so sad my Lord ?

Corn.

Your husband on the suddaine is falne sicke .

Queene .

How ; sicke .

Lady Now if it be thy will , sweet blessed heauen Take him to mercie . Quee.

Doe not heare her prayers heauen I beseech thee .

Enter Martianus . Mart.

Madam , his highnes .

Queen .

Is he aliue , or dead .

Mart.

Dead madam .

Queene

O my hart .

Corn. Looke to the Queene , let vs not loose her to , She breathes , stand of , where be those wemen there , Good Queene that shall be , lends a helping hand , Helpe to vnlace her . Lady .

I le see her burst first .

Queene Now as you loue me let no helping hand Preserue life in me , I had rather die Then loose the title of my soueraigntie . Lady Take backe your Distaffe yet , we le stay our rage , We will forbeare our spleene for charitie And loue vnto the dead , till you haue hearsd Your husbands bones , conduct her Lords away , Our pride though eager , yet for foode shall stay . Sicoph. Wil t please your high imperiall Maiestie Commaund my seruice , I am humbly yours . Lady We doe commaund what we well know you le doe , Follow the stronger part , and cleaue thereto . Exeunt . Enter Elidure crownd , all the Lords and Ladies attendants . Elidu. Once more our royall temples are ingirt With Brittaines golden wreath , all seeing heauen Witnes I not desire this soueraigntie , But since this kingdoms good , and your Decrees , Haue laid this heauen loade of common care On Elidure , we shall discharge the same To your content , I hope , and this Lands fame : Our brother once interd , we will not stay , But then to Troynovant wee le speede , away . Exeunt . Enter two Porters . 1 Porter Come fellow Porter , now the Court is heere Our gaines will flie vpon vs like a tide , Let vs make vse of time , and whilst there s plentie Stirring in Court , still labour to increase The wealth which by our office we haue got . 2 Porter . Out of our large alowance we must saue Of thousands that passe by vs , and our office , we will giue entertainment to No-body . Enter No-body . No-body .

My name is No-body ,

1. Port. You are welcome sir , ere you peruse the court , Tast the kings beere , heere at the Porters lodge , A dish of beere for maister No-body . Nobody .

I thanke you sir .

2. Port. Heere maister No-body , with all my hart , A full Carouse , and welcome to our Office . Nobo. I thanke you sir , and were your beere tems water , Yet No-body would pledge you , to you sir . 1. Port. You are a stranger here , how in the Citty , Haue you bin long in towne . Nobo. I sir , too long , vnlesse my entertaine Had bin more pleasing , for my life is sought , I am a harmelesse well dispos'd plaine man , That iniure none , yet what so ere is done Amisse in London , is impos'd on me , Be it lying , secret theft , or any thing They call abuse , t is done by No-body , I am pursued by all , and now am come , To see what safety is within the Court For a plaine fellow . 2. Por. You are welcome hether sir . Methinkes you do looke wilde , as if you wanted sufficient Sleepe . Nobo. O do not blame me sir , Being pursued I fled , comming though Poules , There No-body kneeld downe to say his prayers , And was deuout I wis , comming through Fleetstreet , There at a tauern doore two swaggerers Were fighting , being attacht , t was askt who gaue The first occasion , t was answered nobody , The guilt was laid on me , which made me fly To the Thems side , desired a Waterman , To row me thence away to Charing-crosse , He askt me for his fare , I answered him I had no money , what s your name quoth he , I told him No-body , then he bad me welcome , Said he would carry No-body for nothing . From thence I went To see the law Courts held at Westminster , There meeting with a friend , I straight was askt If I had any sute , I answered , yes , Marry I wanted money , sir quoth he , For you , because your name is No-body I will sollicit law , and no-body Assure your selfe , shall thriue by sutes in Law , I thankt him , and so came to see the court , Where I am very much beholding to your kindnesse . 1. Port. And Maister no-body you are very welcome , Good fellow lead him to the Hall , Will you walke neare the court . nobo.

I thanke you sir .

Exeunt nobody and Porters . Enter Some-body and a Bragart . Som. Fie what a toile it is to find out nobody , I haue dogd him very close , yet he is got into the court before me . Sir you haue sworne to fight with nobody , Do you stay heere , and watch at the court gate , And when you meet him challenge him the field , Whilst I set Lime-twigs for him in all Offices , If either you or I , but prosper right , He needs must fall by policy or slight . Exit . Brag : I would this roundman nobody would come , I that professe much valor yet haue none , Cannot but be too hard for nobody , For what can be in nobody , vnlesse He be so cald because he is al spirit , Or say he be all spirit , wanting limbes , How can this spirit hurt me , sure he dies , And by his death , my fame shall mount the skies . Enter nobody . nobody . By thy leaue my sweet friend , There s for thy farewell . Brag.

Stay .

nobo.

That s but one word , let two go to the bargaine if it please you , why should I stay .

Brag.

I challenge thee .

no.

I may chuse whither i le answer your chalenge by your leaue .

Bra.

I le haue thee picturd as thy picture , vnles thou answer me

no.

For what sir , pray why wold you haue me printed .

Brag.

For cowardice .

nobo.

Methinkes your picture woulde doe better for the picture of cowardice then mine sir , but pray what s your will with me .

Brag.

Thou hast abusd one Some-body ,

nobo.

So haue my betters abusd Som-body in their time

Brag.

I le fight with thee for that .

no.

Alas sir I am nobody at fighting , yet thus much let mee tell you , nobody cannot run away , I cannot budge .

Brag.

Prepare thee then , for I will spit thy body vppon this weapon .

nobo.

nay by faith that you cannot , for I haue no bodye .

Brag.

Thy bowels then .

no.

They are the fairer mark a great deal , com on sir , come on

Brag.

Haue at thy bellie .

nobo.

You must either hit that or nothing .

Brag.

I le kill and quarter thee .

nobo. You le hardly find my ioynts I think to quarter me , I am so well fed , come on sir . Fight nobody is downe , Brag.

now thou art at my mercie .

no.

What are you the better to haue nobody at your mercy

Brag.

I le kill thee now .

Nobo. I thinke you le sooner kill me then any body , But let me rise againe . Brag.

No I will let No-body rise .

Nobo.

Why then let me sir , I am No-body ,

Enter Clowne . Clown . How now , O fates , O heauens , is not that my M. what shall I do , be valiant ▪ and reskue my sweet maister , Auant thou Pagan , Pug , what ere thou be , Behold I come to set thy prisoner free . Brag. Fortune that giddy Goddesse hath turnd her wheel , I shall be matcht , thus will I gore you both . Hold captains , not Hercules himselfe would fight with two , I yeeld . Clown . T was yoor best course , down vassall dawn , and kisse My pumpe . Brag.

T is base , O base .

Clow.

Zounds , i le naile thy lips to limbo vnlesse thou kis .

Brag.

T is done .

Nobo.

Thanks honest seruant .

Clow.

Zounds if I say I le do et , I le do et indeed .

Nobo. For this i le carry thee into the Court , Where thou shalt see thy Maister No-body Hath friends will bid him welcome , so farewell , Clown .

Farewell maister Braggart , farewell , farewell .

Exeunt . Brag. I le follow , I shall meet with Some-body , That will reuenge , i le plot and er t be long I le be reuengd on No-body for this wrong . Exit . Enter Vigenius Peridure and the Queene . Queene . Your hopes are great faire brothers , and your names , shall if in this you be aduisd by vs , Be rankt in scroule of all the Brittish kings , Oh take vpon you this so weighty charge , To great to be dischargd by Elidure . Vig. Deere sister Q. how are we bound to you , In neerer bonds then a fraternall league , For this your royall practise to raise vs , Vnto the height of honor and estate , Let me no longer breath a prince on earth , Or thinke me woorthy of your regall blood , If we imbrace not this high motion . Perid. Imbrace it brother , we are all on speed , My princely thought inflam'd with Ardency Of this imperiall state , and Scepterd rule , My kinglie browes , itch for a stately Crowne , This hand to beare a round Monarchall Globe , This the bright sword of Iustice , and stern aw , Deere sister you haue made me all on fire , My kingly thoughts , beyond their bounds aspire . Vig. How shall we quit your loue , when we ascend The state of Elydure . Queen . All that I craue , Is but to make the imperious Queene my slaue , That she that aboue Iustice now commands , May tast new thraldome at our royall hands . Perid. The Queene is yours , the king shal be depos'd , And she disgraded from all Soueraignty . Queen . That I might liue to see that happy houre , To haue that sterne commandresse in my power . Vig. Shee s doomd alreadie , and at your dispose , And we prepard for speedy execution , Of any plot that may availe our pompe , Or throne vs in the state of Brittany . Enter Morgan and Mallgo . Perid. Heere comes the Lords of this pretended league , How goes our hope , speake valiant English Peeres , Are we in way of Soueraignty , or still stand we Subiects vnto the aw of Elidure . Mor. Long liue the valiant brothers of the King , With mutuall loue to weare the Brittish Crowne , Two thousand Souldiors haue I brought from Wales , to wait vpon the princely Perydure . Malg. As many of my bold confederates Haue I drawne from the South to sweare allegiance , to young Vigenius . Vig. Do but call me king , the charming Spheres so sweetly cannot sing . Malg,

To king Vigenius .

Vig. Oh but where s our Crowne , that make knees humble , when their soueraignes frowne . Mal.

King Eliduras shall his state resigne .

Perid.

Say Morgan so , and Britains rule is mine .

Mor.

king Peridure shall raigne .

Perid.

And sit in state .

Mor.

And thousand subiects on his glory waite .

Perid. Then they that lifts vs to the imperiall seate , Our powers and will shall study to make great . Vig. And thou that raisest vs , as our best friend , Shall as we mount the like degrees ascend . Queen .

When will you giue the attempt .

Perid. Now royall sister . Before the king haue notice of our plot , Before the Lords that loue his gouernment , Prepare their opposition . Vig. Well determined , And like a king in Esse , now this night , Let s make a hostile vprore in the Court , Surprize the king , make ceazure of the Crowne , Lay hands vpon the Counsell , least they scape to leuy forces , those Lords that serue the king , and with austere reproofes , punish the hatefull vices of the Land , Must not awe vs , they shall not raigne , we wil , those that applaud vs , raise , despise vs , kill , Perid. I see a kind of state appeare already In thy maiestick brow , cal in the souldiors , Man the Court gates , barricade al the streets , Defend the waies , the lands and passages , And girt the pallace with a treble wall Of armed souldiors , and in dead of night , When all the peeres ly drownd in golden sleepe , Sound out a sodaine and a shrill Alarum , to maze them in the midst of horrid dreames . Vig.

The king and Crowne is ours .

The Queen I claime .

Perid. It shal go hard , but I the shrew will tame , trumpets and drums , your dreadfull clamors sound . Vig.

Proclaime me captiue , or a king new crownd ,

Alarum , they watche the doores , Enter at one doore Cornwell . Corn

Treason , treason .

Perid.

thou art mine what ere thou be .

Corn

Prince Peridure .

Perid.

I Cornwell and thy king .

Corn.

He discords taught , that taught thee so to sing .

Alarum Enter at another doore Martianus . Mar.

Who stops this passage .

Vig.

Martianus we .

Mar.

Vigenius .

Vig.

Vnto whom thou owest thy knee .

Mar.

My knee to none but Elidure shall bend .

Vig.

Our raign beginning hath when his lines end .

Alarum , Enter at another doore Elydure , stopt by the Queene . Lady

What traitrous hand dares interdict our way ?

Queene .

Why that dare ours , t is we command thee stale .

Lady .

Are we not Queene ?

Queene . I st you , then happily met , I haue owed you long , and now I le pay that dept . Lady .

Vild traitresse , darest , thou lay a violent hand on vs thy Queene ?

Queene . We dare commaund thee stand , Thou wast a Queene , but now thou art a slaue . Lady .

Before such bondage , graunt me heauen a graue .

Alarum Enter Elidure . Elidure . What seeke ye Lords ? What meane these loud Alarums , in the still silence of this hunnied night ? Perid.

King we seeke thee .

Vig.

And more we seeke thy Crowne .

Elidure . Why Princely brothers is it not our owne , That t is ours we plead the law of kings , The guift of heauen , and the antiquety on earth , Election from them both . Vig.

We plead our powers & strength , we two must raign .

Perid.

We were borne to rule , and homage we disdaine .

Corn.

Doe not resigne , good King .

Perid.

How saucy Lord ?

Corn.

I le keepe still thy Crowne .

Perid.

I say that word shall cost old Cornwels life .

Corn. Tush this for care . Tyrants good subiects kills and traitors spare . Vig.

Wilt thou submit thy Crowne ?

Mar.

Dread soueraigne , no .

Vig.

He hates his owne life that aduiseth so .

Mar. I hate all traitors , and had rather die , Then see such wrong done to his soueraignty . Queen .

Giue vp thy state to these two princely youthes , and thy resignment shal preserue thy life .

Lady . Wilt thou so much wrong both thy selfe and wife ? Hast liued a king , and canst thou die a slaue , A royal seat , doth aske a royall graue , Though thousand swords thy present safety ring , Thou that hast bin a Monarche , dye a king . Queen .

Whether he liue or dye , thou sure shalt be no longer Queene , but Vassayle vnto me , I le make ye now my drudge .

Lady .

How mynion , thine ?

Queene .

Th art no more Queen , thy husband must resigne .

Corn.

Resigne , to whom ?

Perid.

I am one .

Vig.

And I another .

Lady . Canst be so base to see a younger brother , Nay two young Boyes plast in thy throne of state , And thou their sodaine in their traines to waite , I le dye before I endure it . Perid. So shall all , that doe not prostrate to our homage fall . Shall they not brother king ? Vig.

They shall by heauen .

Mar.

Come kill me first .

Corn. Nay make the number euen , And kill me to , for I am pleasd to dye , Rather then this indure . Lady .

The third am I .

Queene .

Nay strike her first .

Perid.

Rage giue my fury way .

Vig.

Strike valiant brother king .

Elid.

Yet he are me , stay .

Perid.

Be briefe for Gods sake then ,

Elidure . O heauen , that men so much should couet care , Septers are golden baites , the outsides faire : But he that swallowes this sweete sugred pill , T will make him sicke with troubles that grow stil : Alasse you seeke to ease me being wearied And lay my burthen on your able loines , My vnambitious thoughts haue bin long tird , With this great charge , and now they rest desird , And see the kinde youths coueting my peace , Bring me of all these turmoiles free release . Heere take my Crown . Lady Wilt thou be made a stale , Shall this proud Woman , and these boyes preuaile ? Shal I for them be made a publike scorne , Oh hadst thou buried bin , assoone as borne , How happy had I bin . Elid. Patience sweete wife , Thinkst thou I praise my Crowne aboue thy life , No take it Lords , it hath my trouble bin , And for this Crowne , oh giue me backe my Queene . Queene .

Nay she s bestowed on me .

Elydure . Then what you please , Heere take my trouble , and resigne your ease . Sicoph. My Lords receiue the crowne of Elydure , Faire hopefull blossoms of our future peace , Happy am I , that I but liue to see , the Land ruld by your dubble Soueraignty . Vig. Now let the king discend to be disposd of At our high pleasure , come giue me the Crowne . perid.

Why you the Crown , good brother more then we .

vig. Wee le proue it how it fits our kingly temples , And how our brow becomes a wreath so faire . perid. Shall I see you crownd , and my selfe stand bare , Rather this wreath maiestick let me try , And sit inthrond , in pompious Maiesty . vig. And I attend , whilst you ascend the throne , Where had we right , we should sit crownd alone . perid.

Alone , darst thou vsurpe vpon my right .

vig. I durst do much , had I but power and might , But wanting that , come let vs raigne togither , both kings , and yet the rich crowne worne by neither . perid. Content , the king doth on our sentence waite , To doome him , come let s take our dubble state , What shall he liue , or dye ? Elid.

I know not how I should deserue to dye .

Lady .

Yes to let two such vsurpers liue .

Sicoph. Nay Madam , now I needes must tell your grace , You wrong these kings , forget both time and place , It is not as it was , now you must bowe , Vnto this dubble state i le shew you how . Lady .

Base flattring groome slauish parasite ,

Vig.

Shall I pronounce his sentence .

Perid.

Brother doe .

Vig. Thy life we graunt thee and that Womans to , But liue deuided you within the tower , You prisoner to that princesse . Lady . In her power , Oh dubble slauery . Perid.

Conuay both hence .

Elid.

My doomes seuerer then my small offence .

Queene .

Come Minion , will you goe .

Lady . To death , to hel , Rather then in thy base subiection dwell . Vig. Cornwell and Martianus you both see , We are possest of this imperiall seate , And you that were sworne liedgemen to the Crowne , Should now submit to vs that owe the same , We know without your graue directions , We cannot with experience guide the land , Therefore wee le study to deserue your loues . Perid. T was not ambition , or the loue of state , that drew vs to this businesse , but the feare , Of Elidurus weakenesse whom in zeale , To the whole land we haue deposd this day , speake , shall we haue your loues ? corn . My lords , and Kings , T is bootlesse to contend gainst heauen and you , Since without our consent the kings desposd , And we vnable to support his fall , Rather then the whole land should shrinke , You shall haue my assystance in the state . Mar.

Cornwell and I will beare the selfe same state .

Perid. We now are Kings indeede and Brittaine sway , When Cornwell and his brother Viue say Vig. Receiue our grace , keepe still your offyces , Imbrace these peeres that raisd vs to the throne , Brittaine reioice , and Crowne this happy yeare , Two sonnes at once thine in thy royall sphere . Corn. And that s prodigious , I but waite the time To see their sodaine fall that swiftly clime . Mar. My Lord much honor might you win your land To giue release vnto your sister Queene , Being a Lady in the land beloud . Vig.

You haue aduisd vs well , it shall be so .

Corn. Shold you set free the Princesse might not she Make vprors in the land , and raise the Commons . In the releasment of the Captiue King . Perid.

Well counseld Cornwell , she shall liue in bondage .

Mar.

Renowne your selfe by being kind to her .

Corn.

Secure your state by her imprisonment .

Vig.

Wee le haue the Queene set free .

Perid. Wee le haue her guarded , With stricter keeping and seuerer charge . Mar. Will you be braued by one that s but your equall , Hauing no more then party gouernment . Corn. Or you be scornd by one to you inferior , In generall estimation of the land . vig.

Set free the Princesse , say the king commaunds .

Perid.

Keepe her in thraldome still , and captiue bands .

vig.

Wee le not be contermaunded .

perid.

Sir nor we .

vig. Before I le be halfe a king and contrould In any regality , i le hazard all , I le be compleat or none . Perid. Before i le stand , Thus for a Cipher with my halfe command , I le venture all my fortunes , how now pride , Percht on my vpperhand . Corn.

By heauen well spyed .

vig.

T is ours by right , and right we will inioy .

perid.

Claimst thou preheminence , com down proud boy

vig. Then let s try maistries , and one conquer all , We climd at once , and we at once will fall . They wrastle and are parted peri.

They that loue Peridure deuide themselues vppon their part .

Corn.

That am I .

Mor.

and I .

vig.

They that loue vs on this side .

Mar.

I .

Mal.

And I .

vig.

Then to the field , to set our sister free .

perid.

By all my hopes with her i le captiue thee .

vig.

Trumpets and Drums , triumphant musick sing .

perid.

this day a captiue , or a compleat king .

Exeunt . Alarum , Enter Some-body and Sicophant . Somb. Sir you haue sworne to manage these affaires , Euen with your best of iudgement . Enter Clowne . Sicoph. I haue prouided , you will let me share , Of the Grand-benefit you get by dice , Deceitfull Cards , and other cozening games you bring into the Court . C. O rare , now shall I find out crab , som notable knauery Somb. You shall haue equall share with Somebody , Prouided , you will help to apprehend that Nobody , On whom the guilt shall lye , Of all those cheting tricks I haue deuisd . C. O the fates , treason against my m . person , but I beleeue Somb . wil pay for t , I le tickle your long wast for this ifaith , Sico.

Giue me some bales of dice . What are these ?

som.

Those are called high Fulloms .

Clo.

I le Fullom you for this .

som.

Those low Fulloms .

They may chance bring you as hie as the Gallowes .

som.

Those Demi-bars .

clow.

Great reason you shovld come to the barre before the gallows .

som.

Those bar Sizeaces .

Clo.

A couple of Asses indeed .

som.

Those Brisle dice .

clo.

T is like they brisle , for I am sure thei le breed anger

sicop. Now sir , as you haue compast all the Dice , So I for cards . These for the game at maw , All saving one , are Cut next vnder that , Lay me the Ace of Harts , then cut the Cards , O your fellow must needs haue it in his first tricke . clow.

I le teach you a trick for this yfaith .

sicop. these for Premero cut vpon the sides , As the other on the ends . clow.

Marke the end of all this .

sicop. these are for post and paire , these for saunt , these for new cut . clown .

thei le make you cut a fether one day ,

sico. Well , these disperst , and No-body Attacht for all these crimes , shal be hangd . clow.

I or els you shall hange for him ,

sico.

Come , shal s about our busines .

som.

Content , let s straight about it .

Exeunt clow.

O my hart , that it was my fortune to heare all thys , but beware a lucky man whilst you liue , Alasse if I had not rescued my maister , the swaggering fellowe woulde haue made No-body of him . Againe if I had not ouerheard this treason to his person , these Cunnicatching knaues , woulde haue made lesse then Nobody of him . For indeed they wold haue hangd him , but heere s my maister , O sweet maister how cheere you ?

Enter No-body . Nobo.

O excellent , admirable , and beyond comparison , I thinke my shape inchants them .

clo.

I think not so , for if I wer a Lady , I should neuer abide you : but Maister , I can tell you rare newes you must be apprehended , for a Cheater , a Cozener , a Libiller , and I know not what .

Nobo.

Not I , I am an innocent , no Cheater , no Cozener , but a simple honest man , hunted from place to place by some-body .

clo. t is true sir , it is one som . that would attach you , therfore Looke to your selfe , but Mai . if you be tooke neuer feare , I heard all their knauery , and I can cleare you I warrant . Enter Some-body and officers . Som. O haue I found you , this is he my frends , We haue long sought , you know when t was inquird , Who brought the false Dice , and the cheating cards Into the court , t was answered No-body . Clo. No.

( qd tha ) I am affraid you le proue the knaue som .

som.

Lay hold vpon him , beare him to the prison .

No.

To prison , say you well , if I be guilty this fellow is my partner take him to .

som.

Are you confederate in this treason sirra ?

clo. If I be not sir some-body is , but if I be guilty I must beare If off with head and shoulders . som. To prison with them , now the bird is caught , For whom so long , through Britane haue I sought . Clow.

I beleeue I haue a bird in a box , shal catcht you for all this .

Someb.

Away with them I say .

Exeunt . Enter seuerally Peridure , Vigenius , Cornewell , Martianus , Morgan , Malgo , with drum and Coulors . Vig.

In Armes well met , ambitious Peridure ,

Perid. Vigenius thou salutes me with a title , Most proper to thy selfe , Vig.

Art thou not proud .

Perid. Onely to meet thee on this bed of death , Wherein the Title to the English Crowne , Shall perish with thy selfe . Vig. Faire is the end Of such as die in honourable warre , Oh far more faire , then on a bed of downe . Mar.

Warre is the souldiors haruest it cuts downe .

Perid.

The liues of such as hinder our renowne .

Vig.

Such as are apt for tumult .

Perid. Such as you , That to our lawfull Soueraigne are vntrue . Vig.

Blushes not Peridure to braue vs so .

Perid. Blushes Vigenius at thy ouerthrow , Who wa st that told me he would submit . Sicoph.

T was I my Lord .

Vig. Peace foole thou doest forget , T is not an hower since , to our princely eare , Thou saidst thou did desire vs to forbeare . Sicoph.

True my good Lord .

Perid.

True that I sought to stay .

vig.

That I would basely my ritche hopes betray .

Sico.

I did it of mine owne head to make you friends .

Perid.

Still playing of the Sicophant .

Vig.

What still .

Perid.

A glose I see to insinuate our good will .

Vig.

That whosoeuer conquerd , he might gaine .

Perid.

the fauour of vs both , that was his trayne .

Vig.

But henceforth we cashiere thee from the filde .

Perid Neuer heereafter beare a souldiers shield , A souldiers sword , nor any other grace , But what is like thine owne , a doubble face . sicoph.

Now I beseech Ioue heare my praier , let them bee both slaine in the battell .

Exit . Perid. If there be any other of his hart , We giue them free licence to depart . corn .

Cornwell hates flattery .

Mar.

So does Martianus .

Malg.

Malgo is resolute for all affaires .

Morg.

And so is Morgan , for he scornes delayes .

Vig. then where the fielde consists of such a spirit , He that subdues conquers the Crowne by merit . perid.

that s I .

Vig.

t is I .

Perid.

Ryuers in blood declare it .

Vig.

Grasse turne to Crimson if vigenius spare it .

Elid.

Aire be made purple with our reaking gore .

vige.

Follow my frends .

Perid.

Conquer or neare giue ore .

Alarum , Excursious , periduras , and vigenius fight , and both slaine . Enter cornwell , Martianus , Morgan , and Malgo. Mar.

this way I saw vigenius on the spur .

corn .

I periduras , this way .

Morg.

A strang fight , my Lord is breathlesse .

Malg.

My deare Lord is dead .

Mar.

True Brothers in ambition , and in death .

Corn. Yet we are enemies , why fight we not With one another , for our generals losse . Mar. To much blood already hath beene spent , Now therefore since the difference in themselues , Is reconsiled in eithers ouerthrow , Let vs be as we were before this Iar , And ioyning hands like honorable frends , Inter their bodyes as becomes their state , And which is rare once more to Elidure , Who now in prison leades a wearied life , With true submission offer Englands Crowne . Of all the charges of tumultuous fate , This is most strange three times to flow in state . Exeunt . Enter Queene and Sicophant . Sico.

Madam .

Queene . You are welcome , what new flatteries , Are a coyning in the mint of that smoth face ? Sicoph.

Where is the Lady Elidor I pray .

Amongst my other waiting maides at worke .

sicoph. T is well , yet Madam with your gratious leaue I wish it better . Queene . What in loue with her , Canst thou affect such a deiected wretch , Then I perceiue thy flattery is folly , Or thou t proue honest , louing one so poore . Sico. I know not Madam what your highnesse gathers Out of my troubled words , I loue you well , And though the time should alter , as I am sure , It is impossible , yet I would follow All your misfortunes with a patient hart . Queene .

I haue seene too much of thee to credit thee .

Sico. Now in your height of glory vse your seruant , now Madam , whilst the noble Peridure That loues you dearer then the Brittish Crowne , Whilst hee s conqueror , vse me to destroy Your greatest enemy , and I will doe it . Queene .

Thou wilt not .

sicoph. Be it Elidure the king , The prisoner I should say , I de murder him , To shew how much I loue your maiesty . Q. Thou wouldst not poyson for me his base Queene , Whom I so often haue triumphed ore , That torment now is her beatitude , And tedious vnto me . sico.

no more , she s dead .

Enter Lady Elidure . queene . See where she comes , dispatch her presently , For though the Princely Peridure be king , His brothers death in time will make him odious Vnto his subiects , and they may restore Mild Elidure againe , and then I dye , sico.

Withdraw , she s dead , as surely as you liue .

Lady . What shall I neuer from this seruitude Receiue releasant euermore be plagud , With this insulting Queen ? Is there no change , no other alteration in the state I know there is not , I am borne to be a slaue , to one baser then slauery sioo.

I will release you by a speedy death .

Lady . By death , alasse , what tongue pronounst that word ? What my Lord weather-cocke ? nay then I see , Death in thy mouth is but base flattery . sico.

By heauen I am sent to kill you .

Lady .

By whose meanes .

sico.

By one that will auouch it when t is done .

Lady .

not the proud queene .

sico. Yes , but I am determined in full amends for all my flattery , to saue your life , and kill her instantly . La. Oh if a Divell would vndertake that deed , I card not though she heard me , I would say , He were a starre more glorious then the day . sicoph.

And would you for that good deed pardon me .

Lady .

And quite all former iniury .

sicoph. But let me tell your highnes by the way , the Queene is not so hasty of your death . Lady .

no , for she had rather haue my life prolongd .

sicoph. I do assure your highnes on mine honor , When I did say she sent me to destroy you , I slaunderd her great mercy towards you , For she had giuen me order to release you . Lady

Oh monstrous lie .

sicoph. beleeue it , for t is true : And this moreouer , she somuch repents Her former pride and hardnes towards you , that she could wish it neuer had bin done . Lady . then I repent me of my wrongs towards her , And in the stead of a reward proposd to him that should destroy her , I do wish , Death be his death , that vndertakes the deed . sicoph. but will you not forget these princelie words , if any alteration should ensue . Lady .

not I , I in my oths am true .

sicoph.

Except once more the Lords crowne Elydure .

Lady .

though that should chance , i le hold my promise sure .

sicoph.

And you too Madam .

So thou murderst hir .

sico. Know that Lord periduras and his brother , are in the battell slaine , and by the nobles , her husband Elidure raisd to the state , setting aside all iesting , Queene beleeue it . And truce with her , least she triumph againe . Queen .

For Gods sake make vs friends .

sicoph.

Good Lord how strange this reconciled foes behold each other .

Lady .

Sister .

Queen .

Kind sister .

sicoph.

Then make me your brother , say are you friends .

Both .

We are .

sicoph. Then chance what can , in this I haue prooud my selfe an honest man . Enter Malgo. Malgo. The king your husband , madam new releast , Desires your presence at his Coronation . Lady .

My Elydure a third time to be crownd .

Mal.

True Madam , and expects your company .

Lady .

And you knew this before .

sicoph.

No on mine honor .

Lady .

Neither you Sister .

Queene .

neither .

Lady .

If you did My oath is past , and what I haue lately sworne i le hold inuiolate , here all stryfe ends , thy wit has made two proude shrewes perfect friends .

Exeunt . Enter in state , Elidure , Cornwell , Martianus , Morgan , and all the Lords . Corn. A third time liue our gratious soueraigne Monarch of England , crowned by these hands . Elid. A third time Lords , I do returne your loue , And wish it with my soule , so heauen were pleasd , My ambitious Brothers had not died for this , But we haue giuen them honorable graues . Enter Queen and Lady . And mournd their most vntimely funerall , My loued Queen , come seat thee by my side , Partner in all my sorrowes and my ioyes , And you her reconciled Sister sit , By her in second place of maiesty , It ioyes me that you haue outworne your pride . Lady . Methinks my gratious husband and my King , I neuer tooke more pleasure in my glasse , Then I receiue in her society . Queen .

Nor I in all my state as in her loue .

Elid. My Lord of Cornwell , whos 's that whispers to you ? Or what s the newes ? Corn. My liege , he tels me heere s a great contention betwixt two noted persons of the Land much spoke of by all states , one some-body Hath brought before your highnes and this presence , An infamous and strange opiniond fellow , Cald No-body , they would intreat your highnes , To heare their matters scand . Elid. Wee le sit in person on their controuersies , Admit them Cornwell . Lady . Is that strange monster tooke , somuch renownd , In Citty , Court , and Country , for lewd prancks . T is well , wee l heare how he can purge himselfe . Enter some-body , bringing in No-body and his man , with Billes and staues . Som. now sirrha we haue brought you before the king , Where s your hart now ? Nob.

My harts in my hose , but my face was neuer ashamed to shew it selfe , yet before king or Keyser .

som.

And where s your hart sirrha ?

Clowne .

My harts lower then my hofe , for mine it at my heel , but whersoeuer it is , it is a true hart , and so is not somb .

som. Health to your Maiestie , and to the Queene , With a hart lower then this humble earth whereon I kneele . I beg against this fellow , Iustice my liege . Eli.

Against whom .

som.

Against No-body .

No. My liege , his words wel sute vnto his thoughts , He wishes no man Iustice , being composd Of all deceit , of subtilty and slight , For mine own part , if in this royall presence , And before all these true iudiciall Lords , I cannot with sincerenes cleare my selfe , Of all suggestions falsly coynd against me , Let me be hangd vp sunning in the ayre , And made a scar-crow . Mar. Let s heare his accusations , And then how well thou canst aquit thy selfe . som. First , when this monster made his residence Within the country , and disperst his shape Through euery shire and country of the Land , Where plenty had before a quiet seat , And the poore commons of the Land were full , With rich abundance and saciety , At his ariue , great dearths and scarsity , By ingrosing come , and racking poore mens rents . This makes so many poore and honest Farmers , to sell their leases , and to beg their bread , this makes so many beggers in the Land . Corn. I but what proofe or lawfull euidence Can you bring forth , that this was done by him . som. My Lord I tras't him , and so found him out , But should your Lordship not beleeue my proofe , Examine all the rich and wealthy chuffes , Whose full cramd Garners to the roofes are fild , In euery dearth who makes this scarsitye , And euery man will clearely quit himselfe , Then consequently , it must be No-body . Base copper money is stampt , the mint disgrast , Make search who doth this , euery man cleares one , So consequently it must be No-body . Besides , whereas the nobles of the land , And Gentlemen built goodly manner houses , Fit to receiue a King , and all his traine , And there kept royall hospitality , Since this intestine monster No-body , Dwels in these goodly houses keepes no traine , A hundred Chimnies , and not one cast smoke , And now the cause of these , mock-begger Hal , Is this they , are dwelt in by No-body , For this out of the countrey he was chast . No. My royall liedge whie am I thus disgrast , I le proue that slandrous wretch hath this al done . Elid. T is good you can acquit you , such abuses , Growe in the countrey , and vnknowne to vs : nay then no maruell that so manie poore , starue in the streets and beg from doore , to doore . Then sirha purge you from this countrey blame , Or we will make thee the worlds publike shame . Corn.

now No-body , what can you say to this .

Clo.

My M. hath good cards , on his side I le warant him .

No. my Lord , you know that slanders are no proofes , nor words without their present euidence , If things were done , they must be done by some-body , Else could they haue no being . Is corne hoorded , some-body hords it , else it would be delt , In mutuall plentie throughout all the land , Are their rents raisd , if No-body should doe it , then should it be vndone . Is Base money stampt , and the kings letters forgd , Some-body needes must doe it , therefore not I , And where he saies , great houses long since built , Lye destitute , and wast because inhabited , By No-body my liedge , I answer thus , If Some-body dwelt therein , I would giue place . Or wold he but alow those chimnies fire , They would cast cloudes to heauen , the Kitchin-foode It would releeue the poore , the sellers beere , It would make strangers drinke , but he commits These outragies then laies the blame on me , And for my good deed , I am made a scorne . I onely giue the tired a refuge seat , The vnclothd garments , and the starued meate . Clow. How say you by this maister Some-body . I beleeue you will be found out by and by . Corn. If this be true my liedge , as true it is , Some-body will be found an arrant cheater , Vnlesse he better can acquit himselfe . Sich.

Touch him with the citty , since you haue taken the foile in the Countrey .

Mar.

Sirha , what can you say to this ?

Someb. What should I saie my Lord , see heare complaints , Made in the citty against no-body , Aswell as in the country . See their bils , Heere s one complaines his wife hath bin abroad , And asking where she reuels night , by night , She answers she hath bin with no-body . Heare s queanes maintaind in euery suburb streete , Aske who maintaines them , and t is no-body . Watches are , beaten , and Constables are scoft , In dead of night men are made drunke in tauernes , Girles loose their maiden heads at thirteene yeares , Pockets pickt , and purses cut in throngs . Queene . Inough , inough , doth no-body all this ? Though he hath cleard himselfe from country crimes , He cannot scape the citty . No. Yes dread Queene , I must confesse these things are daily done , For which I heere accuse this Some-body , That euery where with slaunders dogs my steps , And cunningly assumes my borrowed shape , Women lie out , if they be tooke and found with somebody , then No-body goes cleere , Else the blames mine , he doth these faults vnknowne , then slanders my chast innocence for proofe . somebody doth maintaine a common strumpet i th Garden-allies , and vndid himselfe . somebody swaggered with the watch last night , was carried to the counter . somebody once pickt a pocket in this Play-house yard , Was hoysted on the stage , and shamd about it . Clow.

Ha , ha , hath my maister met with you .

no. Alasse my liege , your honest No-bodie Builds Churches in these dayes , and Hospitals , Releeues the seuerall prisons in the Citty , Redeemes the needy debtor from the hole , And when this somebody brings infant children , And leaues them in the night at strangers doores , Nobody fathers them , prouides them nurses , What should I say , your highnes loue I craue , That am all iust . corn .

Then somebodie s a knaue .

sicoph.

If neyther citty nor countrie wil preuaile to him , with the court ma . somebody , and there you will match him .

som.

Then touching his abuses in the court .

corn . I marrie Nobody what say you to this , See , heere are dangerous Libils gainst the state , And no name to them , therefore nobodies . Mar. Besides strange rumors and false buzzing tales , Of mutinous leesings raisd by No-body . Malg.

False dice and Cheating brought euen to the presence , and who dares be so impudently knauish ,

Vnlesse some fellow of your name and garbe .

Morg. Cards of aduantage with such cheating tricks , Brought euen amongst the noblest of the land , And when these cosening shifts are once discouered , There is no cheater found saue No-body . som.

How canst thou answer these .

nobo. Euen as the rest , Are libels cast , if nobody did make them , And no-bodies name to them , they are no libels , For he that sets his name to any slander , Makes it by that no libell , this aproues He forgd those slanderous writs to scandall me . And for false cards , and dice , let my great slops And his big bellied dublet both be sercht , And see which harbors most hipocrisie . queene .

Let them both be sercht .

sico.

I le take my leaue of the presence .

Clow.

nay M. sicophant wee le haue the inside of your pockets translated to , wee le see what stuffyng they haue , I le take a little paines with you .

Elid.

What haue you there in nobodyes pockets .

Corn. Here are my liedge bonds forfeit by poore men , Which he releast out of the vsurers hands , And canceld . Leases likewise forfeited , By him repurchast . These peticions , Of many poore men to preferre their sutes . Vnto your highnesse . Elid. Thou arte Iust we know , All great mens pockets should be lined so . queene .

What bumbast beares his gorge .

Mar. False Cards , false Dice ; The kings hand counterfeit , Bonds put in sute to gaine the forfitures , forgd deedes to cheate men of their ancient land , And thousand such like trashe . Clo.

Nay looke you heere , heares one that for his bones is pretily stuft . Heare s fulloms and gourds : heere s tall-men & low-men Heere tray duce ace , passedge comes a pace .

som.

Mercy great King .

Sicoph.

Mercy my Soueraigne .

Corn. My liedge you cannot to be seuere in punishing , Those monstrous crimes , the onely staine and blemish To the weale-publike . Eli. Villaines heare your doome , Thou that hast bin the oppressyon of the poore , Shalt bee more poore then penury it selfe , All that thou hast is forfit to the Law , For thy extortion I will haue thee branded , Vpon the forhead with the letter F. For Cheating whipt , for forging loose thine eares , Last for a basing of thy Soueraignes Coyne , And traitrous impresse of our kingly seale , Suffer the death of traitors . Beare him hence . som. Since I must needs be martird graunt me this , That No-body may whip , or torture me , Or hang me for a traitor . Morg

Away with him .

Som. Or if needs I must dye a traitors death , That No-body may see me when I dye . Malg.

Hence with the traitor .

Clo.

I know by your complexion you wer ripe for the hangman , but now to this leane Gentleman .

Lady . Let me doome him , smoth spaniel , soothing grome Slicke Oyly knaue , egregious parasite , Thou turning vane , and changing Weather-cocke , My sentence is thou shalt be naked stript , And by the citty beadles soundly whipt . Clow.

I le make bold to see th execution .

No.

Well hath the King decreed , now by your highnesse patience let No-body borrow a word or two of Euery-body .