A quest of enquirie, by women to know, whether the tripe-wife were trimmed by Doll yea or no Gathered by Oliuer Oat-meale.

A Quest of Enquirie , by women to know , Whether the Tripe-wife were trimmed by Doll yea or no.

Gathered by Oliver Oat-meale .

Imprinted at London by T. G. and are to be sold in Paules Church-yard . 1595.

OLiuer , if your name be Oliuer , by your leaue a cast , for I must show in betweene the doore and the wal , that is shuffle a letter in betweene your title and Pamphlets which Letter was directed to be let at the two fooles at London bridge : and for my hart I cannot finde the signe . Now since your Pamphlet lackes both a Passe and a Patrone , I thinke this letter wil fit ye for either , and by wandring among manie , happen at length into the right owners hands . It followes at auenture .

To Simon Huff-snuff the terrible Book-tearer , & furious d-facer of the Tripe-wiues effigies , peace offered with cap and knee , to preserue all papers from like extremitie .

HAught minded , and hot spirited Simon , I salute ye . Understanding your valarous assaults against The Tricking of the Tripe-wife , in sundrie places : I could but commend your forwardnes : and praise your adussed opinion vpon the first sight , both of the Author that made it , and of them that neuer heard of it before your selfe : t was well done , you shall finde Castalian of my minde , that of such swift censurers hath this sentence : A fooles bolt is soone shot , Adpenitendum proper at , cito qui indicat .

Tut , what tell I you of repentance , proceed , proceed , your neighbor Nichol and you may answere any thing you do . By your leave sir a little : and while I talke , haue some patience , glare not with your eyes , fome not at the mouth , strike not with your fists , stamp not with your feete : I will reason reasonably vppon my honestie , & yet I care not if I leave argument , and vse example .

A quaint fellow growen fortunate : excelling as hee thinkes both in wealth and wisedome all his other riualls , forges to himselfe an imaginarie concept , that they enuying his good , intend to haue publike iests at him and his late won wife . The most of them whose good fortunes it was to loose ( as it had been great pittie to part so loving a couple ) are most Scholler-like Gentlemen , and one of them generally beloued of act that in printing haue experience to publish any thing , & at this time is possest of a worshipfull place , according to the laudable customes of this honorable Citie . Now which way in your opinion is best to preuent the writing or publishing of anie odde toy : shall hee reconcile himselfe to those that were the quondam suters , & giue good words , because his widdow hath been notoriously ridiculous : Or shall be run vp and downe the town , with friskes , and heighs , and fillops , and trickes , accompanied with some such wise-akers as himselfe , ( Be not offended Simon , though you be his companion ) reuiling his betters , and abusing his equalls . The example needes no application : and for answere your neighbor Nichol tooke this last course . For I haue heard him that trickt the Tripe wife sweare , till her husband abused him , and your selfe consorting with Nick Trickes misused his whole companie , the Masters especially , one of them in kindnes and reuerence that honourable name yee vsde , vouchsafing both to accompanie and counsell you for your owne good : whose good will you rewarde with reproches : but they that touch pitch shall bee settled , and those that pleasure ingratefull persons vnthankfully required . He protests before God , that the Masters of his Companie , are vtterly ignorant of his proceedings , and for ought hee knoweth are at him offended . He appeales to all the worshipfull Companies in London , especially to those of whom your selues are free , whether ye haue not done the parts of intemperate idiots , to abuse men in authoritie without cause : and protests , had he been but a water man , as he is a professor of the most noble Science of Printing , hee wound not haue suffered the abuse of his supertors . He repenteth not anie thing that he hath written , but is onely sorrie that he is by an honorable personage mistaken : but doubteth not shortly to proue how you haue abused one verie nere him . He sweares that where he hath been a mortall enime to all Ballad singers , he will neuer inuaigh against them more , if they will sing at pour windowes a new Tigge , termed Anie Tripes . Consider neighbor Simon the contents , to wast paper be pitifull , and learne patience : keepe a good tung in your head , least it hurt your teeth . Farewell Sim , and commend me to your euerthwart neighbour .

Yours to vse , when ye know how to vse your selfe . D. D.

An Eglogue louingly begun and unluckily ended betweene the Tripe-wife , and Trickes her husband . Trickes . Sit we sweete Sowce wife on this fraile of figs , So spite of those that dou our fortunes hate : Sleting at vs with Ballads and with ligs , Enough to make kinde loue unkinde debate , And while we carroll of our discontent , With strained notes , like scritch owles yokesome cire , The roaring riuer vnto our lament Shall lend her lowd confused harmonie . Tripe-wife , Ahwere we seated in a sowce-tubs shade , Ouer our beads of tripes a canopie : Remembrance of my past ioy-thruing trade , Would somewhat case my present miserie , But since I trotted from my trotter stall , And figd about from neates feete neatly drest : I finde no pleasure nor content at all , But liue disdaind , dispisde , abusde , distrest . Trickes . Why here are sweetes , sweete Loue , for sent and tast , Frute from the Straights , Spaine , Candie , Barbarie , Indian Tobacco , humors moyst to wast , Thou knowst I have a pipe for thee and mee . Succades and comfets , barts help Cynamom : Pepper cold in the maw , hot on the tung : Seny to purge , health keeping Balsamum , And Mace , to make thy vizard smooth and young . Tripe-wife . Out vpon all this trash , your drugs , your spice , T were well if I had neuer seene your house : You tear me my visage vizard , goodman vice : But I was yong , faire , neate , when I sold sowse . Trickes . Thy tripes were yong , thy neates fette fat and faire , Thy sowse was sweete , and all these longd to thee : Thy selfe wert wythered , old , leane , meager , bare , Yet thou and they were both beloude of mee . But neither thou nor they may make compare With me or mine , therefore contend no more : The Butchers offalls were thy sweetest ware , Mine , of farre Kingdomes are the wealthy store . Tripe-wife . Accurst was I to leaue the Butchers fees , How base so ere , they brought in golden gaine , The mistres Tripe-wines name by thee I leese : That losse , their lacke , I ceaselesse doe complaine . Trickes . Accurst was I to baunt the pudding house , Where swine facde beautie onely sate in pride : Curst be the chitterlings , the tripe , the sowse , And curst my selfe that did not all deride . Tripe-wife . What doost thou cursse my trade ? be this thy paine : Run bootles madding , rauing vp and downe : All helplesly gainst iygging rymes complaine , Let euerie Ballad-singer beare thee downe . Trickes . Saist thou me so , thou Tripe , thou hated scorne ? Goe swill thy sowse-tubs , loathed pudding-wife : My brother Huf snuf and my selfe haue sworne , Spite of thy eares to lead a pleasant life . With this they part : and so the Eglogue ended , Tripe was with Trickes , and Trickes with Tripe offended .

A Quest of enquirie of twelue good , honest , and substantiall women , vpon examination of certaine persons , whether the Tripe wife were trimde or no.

IS it euen so neighbour Nicholson ; now in good sadnesse I am sory for your mishap , that a mariage accomplished so hastily , should be repented so suddenly . Ye man , keepe your owne counsel , and feare not , all will be well enough I warrant ye . You alleadge in your letters , what a blemish it is to your credit , and withall , what an inward vexation of minde you are perplext withall , when your friends cast in your teeth your mariage with the Tripewife , what a beastly filthy slut she hath beene , and still is , without any hope other amendment . Yet all this is not so greeuous to ye , as the bad reportes that flie abroad of her , that not contenting her selfe to be cosoned by a notable drab , she must afterward , or at the same instant , be trimde by that new vpstart Barbar , who insteed of Sissers , was glad to vse a paire of sheeres , and for want of a chaire , such as men vse to sit in when they are trimde , she must aduaunce one foote vpon a Treuet , and make the other leg standing foolishly by accessarie to the others intollerable follie . O world of iniquitie , where are womens wits : that make no difference betweene their owne secrets , and a Cowe heele or a Tripe , and because their education hath onely bene to dressinge the one , therfore they must needs make a triall of trimming the other .

For your sake good neighbour , pittying your dayly vexation , and according to my promise when we met last at Ratcliffe : I went to the place you wot of , where ( though it was somewhat to my cost , yet nothing is ouer deere in regarde of a friend ) I made meanes to get in , euen so soone as the Quest of women were newly calde together , and before any of the persons to be examined were admitted to answere . When seeing how orderly they intended to proceede , and that hereby a perfect resolution might ensue both for my selfe and you : I drew foorth my writing Cables , and getting close into a corner noted downe euery thing so secre as I could , which now written more at large , then in so small a roome I could comprise , I haue sent ye by my seruant William , who hath further instruction beside to acquaint ye with , whereof I desire ye to haue an especiall care .

First , Margaret , not your wifes daughter , but a by-blowe ( as is imagined ) of your predecessours , was called before the women .

Then mother Messingham , the old true peny for trimming of a Tripe , then Alice and Ione : William should haue bin there , but was not , marie Richard very honestly came in , and defended the cause very substantially , so did Mistresse Rose , and the partie with the golde Ring on the forefinger . The intergatories for examination , were these that follow .

1 Imprimis , whether such a woman , named Doll Phillips , came to the dwelling house of the Tripe wife at such a time , naming the moneth and day .

2 Secondly , what talke they had beneath together , and whether she brought with her a letter or &c.

3 Thirdly , who went vp the staires with them , whether any body , or themselues alone .

4 Fourthly , how long they taried above together , and whether any sheeres were cald for or no , or whether they had them ready aboue in the Chamber .

5 Fiftly , whether they knew them to be vsed or no , for taking away of haire from her head , or the other vnseemly place .

6 Sixthy , whether the Tripe wife had so many suters as Doll speakes of , to the number of nineteene or no.

7 Seaventhly , whether they knew the man that had beene so bolde with the Tripe wife , that threw her on the bed , kill her , and did , or would haue done aliquid amplius , because he was the furthest in her bookes .

8 Eightly , whether the Capon and Curkie ( by any of their knowledge ) was sent to the King and Queene of Faires or no.

Other questions were demanded afterward , but not with such vrgencie as these , because you know these were most materiall , and ( as the case stood ) were most necessarie to be knowne : yet will I tell ye what the other were , when I come to speake of them as they happened .

Margaret stood laughing , holding her hand before her month all the while the articles were read , wherupon , one of the women sharply reprooved her after this manner . What Margaret , maide ( if ye be ) ye shewe small ciuilitie , regarde yee not where yee are ? you imagine be like , that ye are in the Queenes head in Pater noster rowe : ye made a wise nights worke there , did ye not , when ( about you ) a man was stabd so farre into the backe , fie for shame , be more modest , else this ( and your other trickes ) will vtterly marre your mariage , if yee liue to be worthie of so honorable a calling .

The woman had no sooner vttered these speeches , but Margaret blushing ( for she hath a little grace yet left her ) stood very demurely , making courtesie at euery woord , and promised to answere euery article truely , according to her knowledge , and thus she began .

Upon the day you name , she whome you tearme Doll Philips , came to my mothers house , in the habit of a countrey woman , saying she was sent from one maister Grace in Essex , a Gentleman professing the lawe , and a very familiar friend of my mothers , for whose sake she was the better welcome , and much talke passed betweene my mother and her , because she shewed her selfe so perfectly acquainted with Master Grace . A letter she brought indeed , which being read , she told my mother , that shee had more weighty matters to confer with her on , which made my mother take her vp the staires with her , not admitting any but themselues to go with them . The time of their tariance there , was not aboue three quarters of an houre at the vttemost in all which space I heard no Sheeres calde for neither were any carted vp to them , nor knowe I whether any were aboue in the Chamber or no.

Now concerning your demaunde for vsage of the Sheeres , truely I am persuaded it is vtterly vntrue , and onely rumoured abroad to defame my mother . For though she was desirous to haue the spurrialles that were lost , and which I haue often times seene when my father was aliue : yet I haue a better opinion of my mother then so , that she would not graunt to enioy than by any such a bad meane . Yet age now a dayes in these latter dayes , shewes themselues so simple oftentimes , that one can hardly answer for them in matters of more importance , therefore I referre yee in this case to olde mother Messingham , she hath beene most inward with my mother , and therefore in such a doubtfull cause can best resolue ye .

That she had nineteene woers , I am not able to stand directly vpon the iust number , but questionlesse I imagine she had ( from the beginning of her widdowhead ) rather more then one fewer , for I tell yee , my father left her that which made her lookt after , and not so much but olde Saunders the Sergeant , became a lustie suter to her : but neuer I thinke was widdowe so washt in sack , Sugar , and good drinkes , I warrant there are some that yet sit and thinke on their lauish expences , for my mother was outwardly kinde to all , but inwardly enclined to thinke well of no one , for if she could not deepely dissemble , there are liers abroad , but I name no body , in regarde she may now make amends for that fault .

Nowe that there was one more speciall in her fauour then all the rest , we in the house haue diuerse times imagined somewhat , mary could neuer perceiue any outward token to be noted : but the woman who pretended cunning to her , threw forth very vnmannerly speeches of the matter that vnder Oathe ( as it were ) she disclosed the man to her , which if she did , she was not so wise as I tooke her for : my self am but a young wenche , and yet if I intended to bestow such a token of my fauor on any one , mine owne mouthe should neuer be the trumpet of my shame , but rather as I had offended fondely , it should be lockt in my bosome the more secretly , for let the worlde imagine what they list , when they know nothing , I haue both the winde and water side of them .

As for sending the Capon and Turkie to the King and Queene of Fayries , that s best knowne to Doll and my mother , for the matche was closely made betweene themselues , and whether on any such condition or no , I am not able to say : but sure I am our maide caried them with her , and deliuered them to the woman , ere they came halfe way to the king of Fayries house , for they say his dwelling is at Paddington , and the maide was discharged of her burthen in high Holborne .

This is all I can deliuer good women , and ( vpon my maidenhead ) I haue told ye as much in these matters as I am able to say : for I had more minde of other businesses for my selfe , then either to regarde my mothers cousenage or wooing .

Call in mother Messingham ( quoth the Cryer ) and she will resolue yee thorowly in these running affaires .

She being come before the Quest , whimpering and making courtesies downe to the ground at euery word : desired she might be no accuser of her good olde mistresse , for she knew nothing in these matters , and therefore could say little , but being commanded to proceed in the Articles , she pleaded ignorance to all but one , and the knowledge she had in that one was but by bare reporte neither , therefore ( quoth she ) builde not vpon the trueth of my words , for I receiued them at the second hand , and few things ( ye know ) are mended in the cariage . It is ( quoth she ) concerning her number of suters whereof I am to speake , and which of them receiued most assurance of her kindnesse : then thus ( after Dols owne words ) will I tell ye what I heard .

When the coosening Drab had perswaded my mistresse , that she could helpe her not onely to the golde knowne to be lost , but a great deale more said to be had in the house : shee demaunded such a request as hath beene spoken of , for by the helpe therof she must effect the coniuration , otherwise shee was not able to proceed any further : but by the fatth of an olde woman , I thinke no such conference past betweene them , at least I am sure my mistresse sweares the contrarie , and I tell yee I will not distrust her wordes for more then she is worth .

Come mistresse ( saith Doll ) I knowe one kist yee on Christmasse Eue last past , when your hat fell into the Sowsetub , I know yee gaue a good fellow a Ring , with seauen Diamonds in it , and the Ring I likewise know ye haue this day receiued againe : so , albeit I am able to say who the man is you do most affection , and can tell therein perhaps more then you imagine : yet must you your selfe reueale his name to me , how he kist yee at the beds side , vntide your hose-garter , and elected ye for his owne with the best testimony of good will .

She saith , that my mistresse resolude her in all these , which if she did , ( as I will neuer imagine her so simple , or that at any time she would make so slender reckoning of her reputation : ) I must needes blame her folly and great indiscretion , which doubles the penaltie of the offence so carelesly committed .

Thus much I will confesse good women , that my mistresse had good store of suters , among whom were diuers of good credit & esteeme , whose purses launche out liberally , and nothing was reputed too deere or daintie for the widdowe : but that I saw ill demeanour offered in any one of them , or any such wanton humor in my mistresse , I neither can or will say for all the worlds good .

Many haue beene falsely chargde with matters , as now perhaps my mistresse is at this time : but I leaue all to him to censure , that knowes best whether these reports are true or no , and so take this as the vttermost of my knowledge .

The rest being examined , and able to say little or nothing to the articles , the women went alone by them selves a while , and finding every thing so apparant , that they were not long to be stood vppon : they returned that the Tripe wife was neuer trimde , yet to prevent the worst which afterwards might ensue , and as women that would not endaunger their credits , they wrote downe vpon their bill Ignoramus , whereuppon , the sentence was delivered in this manner .

First , because the Tripe wife had failen into this wonderfull ouersight , and thereby had run into so many harde opinions : all her other suters ( ashamed of their former foolish affection , to fancie such an inconstant woman , of so durtie a trade , and in so stinking a place ) vtterly giuing her ouer : she should thence be sent to London bridge , and there be maried to him , that had more then a moneths minde to Tripes and Trillibubs .

Lord how glad was I , when I heard the game go on your side , when I remembred what a tall seruitor you had beene all her wooing time for her : your hard fortune at M. Graces . where you had so slender entertainement , how you walkt in your Ierkin and tawney veluet hose , to view M. Hubbards hoppes , when by that meanes you got a bidding to dinner , yea even the best place at the boord , namely , to sit iust before your louing mistresse , where all amorous discovrse was faine to passe betweene ye in the Cup , for further libertie ye were not admitted . But aboue all , I commend your shorte and sweete enstruction giuen her at the window , punching her by the finger , and bidding her looke to her selfe , for she was in danger to be swine away , and all your market marde . And in faith the merríe night at Cpping was worth gramercie , when the Gentleman your riuall supt in your company , and had a priest ready , if neede should so require . Beleeue me neighbour , you had great reason then to be affraide : yet more then Hercules-like , you valiantly held out , in despight of Philastorgogh , the bottle of Sack , and all Richards words , which renownes ye to posteritie , for an vnconquerable wooer , and verifies on your behalfe that auncient verse , He loou'd Tripes as his life , Therefore he hath the Tripewife .

Oh that I were acquainted with some excellent wit , who in liueliest colours could decipher downe your heroycall fortunes .

My stile is all to blunt and bad , To write of such an actiue lad , That brought the wooers all to baye , And caried the Tripe wife quite away .

Thus haue I sent ye all the proceedings of the Jurie , and there with ( according to your request ) my opinion of thy blessed night , when you made such passage to the purpose , as the next morning you had the fruition of all your labores , I meane the Garland of your briding day , to the disgrace of al the other 〈◊〉 , and your owne eternall commendation for euer . But first I pray ye read this Dutie , which was deuised by a dere friend of yours , Master Ieffray Kexon , in defence of your wife so much wrongd , and in applauding of your rare conquest , the like being neuer heard of since the great Conquest .

A Iigge for the Ballad-mongers to sing fresh and fasting , next their hearts euerie morning , in sted of a new hunts-up , to giue a good morrow to the Tripe-wife . O Neighbour Tripewife , my heart is full of woe : That cousning Doll the Iugler , should iumble with you so , I that am your poore neighbour , bad rather spent a crowne : Than haue ye thus defamed by boyes about the towne . Abroad in euerie corner , the Ballads doe report : That you were trimd unwomanly , and in most shamefull sort : By standing on a Triuet . to he are what she could say : She lopt ye of a louers locke , and carried it away . Alas were you so simple , to suffer such a thing : Your owne maids sit and mocke ye , and euerie where doth ring , The trimming of the Tripe wife , it makes me in a rage : And doubt least that the players will sing item the Stage . I am sorrie for your husband , a ●●●ke good honest man ; He walkes about , yet mends not , but looketh pale and wan : That where before he vaunted , the conquest he hath got : He sus now in a mammering , as one that mindes it not . A number doo imagine , that he repents his marriage , And gladly to the shambles , would send ye with your carriage ; For all the carts of houshold-stuffe , that came to London bridge , Nere pleasd him so , as this one greefe doth rub him on the ridge . If gold bring such a hart-breaks , I le none I thanke ye I : T is shame it should be spoken , and if it be a lie . But would he be aduisde by me , if it be true or no : I would turne her tober Tripes againe and let all matters go . I. K. FINIS .

Now all good Ladds , to whose reading this present Jigge shall come , I would not haue ye mistake my meaning in the Song , that ye should goe about the streetes singing it , or chaunt it at her doore , ere she be by in a morning , No , God forbid , that would but breed domesticall disquietnesse , and if man and wife should happen to fall out about it , I ( not knowing how neere the Tripe tub stands ) might bring him in more danger of Can shot then I am aware of . Therefore I pray ye conceit it after my owne entending , that is , a Sorrowfull Sonnet for euery friend of his to meditate on least their fortunes should prooue so monstrous as his and they run into perill of hanging themselues , vpon so extraordinarie a conclusion .

Heere followeth the rare atchieuement of the widdowe , from her house behinde the Shambles , how she was conuayed thence to London Bridge , and made a Bride vpon a very short warning .

Yea marie Sir , now ye come to the matter I long to heare of , by reason of the diuers reports bruted abroad thereof , and whether it were so heroycally acted , as some haue heard it from his owne lippes . Was it possible , that she ( hauing such honest well willers and frends , at home at her house at dinner ) could chuse no other time to slip away , but euen at such a time , thereby to discredite her selfe ? Was her coloured excuse to buy a bat and an apron , and falls it now out so that she bought a husband ? O World full of falshood , O women most deceiptfull , when ye are least suspected . But went she then directly to the Bridge or no ? No , she went not then thether , but one of her Sisters , counterfetting a sudden sicknesse , the other ( beeing the fatter of the twaine ) was made the instrument of fetching her to an intended Banquet : where wine walking lustely about , and manie merrie matters familiarly disputed on , it was set downe for an irreuocable determination , that no remedie , the Tripe-wife must dine next daye at her louers house . But it is wonderfull to speake on , with what zeale she paced thither , her apron in her hand all the way , which she had not so much leasure as to put on , but looked still behinde her , least she should bee caught vp for waight and fashion . We , as anie kinde heart in like case would doo , doubting her comming , because she had so often dissembled with others , trudges to her house : but happie did hee esteeme that lost labor , when at his returne backe againe he found her where he wold haue her .

Now the Sisters lay on load for him , because hee had promised them large requitall : and how the tyme was wasted in conference , I know not , but wel I wot , home he would not let her goe that night , for now hee had her at such an aduatantage , as he neuer expected the like , if he should now let her scape .

But in good sadnes they are much to blame , that say they whitled her with wine , and so ( after some other ceremonies theretoo belonging ) drew a promise of marriage from her . It is verie unlike it should bee so , because that night before she went to bed , she protested she would none of him . Oh , but the old dog beide sure : and though the man himselfe were somewhat timerous , yet by good instructions he began to chere vp his spirites .

Now you that be louers tell mee whether it were hot signe of loue or no , when the Widdowe ( sitching asleepe by the fire ) hee valiantly ( coming behinde her ) pulled her stoole from her , when downe fell she , and lie by or vpon her , with that learned and wittie aduerbe in his mouth , Keepe the widdow waking . Well , I know not whether these words are able to enhaunt or no , or what strength or vigor the manly acting of them hath : but either thorough them , or her late sitting vp that night she tooke such a surfet , that needes shee must to bed . And yet me thinkes that labour might full well haue been spared , because she had so little while to rest her selfe : and rising againe so early , it might bring manie a qualme ouer a wiser womans stomacke than hers .

But would you imagine , a woman of her tender yeres , little aboue three score at the vttermost not dareing , to aduenture on the water in the broad daye light , could so suddenly conceive such a hardie peece of courage , as sooner-timely in a morning , to passe through his cellar , and so enter a boate lying readie for her , to sayle so farre as Pepper Alley , and there to S. Georges Church : where because the Church man was not readie , she must needes passe a larger circuite . But I can tell ye wherefore that was : marrie to stop theyr mouthes , that said she durst not be married by daylight , therefore she despised two a clocke in the morning : A figge for them that dare not be married at ten a clock in the forenoone , and afterward home to dinner of her owne prouison , brought thether the day before . Here was a cunning bob for the rest . Call ye him a foole or a simple fellow , that had the wit to compasse such an exployt : Well masters , sit you at the vpper end of the table , kisse and snowtch the Widdow neuer so much : there is one sits nether most , hee hath an eye to his busines , and whatsoeuer you but barely hope for , hee is the man I tell ye , must carrie the wench away .

Oh , but well fare the frend that made such hast for the license : few wooers are beholding to such a deere Damon , And not at that time onely did he stand him in some sted , but in the countrie likewise he stucke closely to him . If he reward him not well for his paynes , he is verie much too blame : for both his countenance and credite were no meane helpes to him . Hold him then the best string to your bow ( Neighbour ) in getting the Tripe-Wife .

Thus haue I been as good as my word vnto you , my verie kinde and honest Neighbour , in sending you this briefe collection of your adventures : nor knowe I how to extoll sufficientlye your great deseruings , though iniquitie of time somewhat obscure your valor , reproach fully throwing this bone for you to gnawe on , that had your labour been bestowed in better sort , than for a basket of Tripes and Chutterlings : some one or other would haue spoken to our Antiquarie , to haue written foure lines at the least in praise of your passing proceeding . But seeing it is no better ,

Giue loosers leaue to prate their fill , The Tripes are thine both good and ill . What others say , take thou no care , Puddings and Tripes are chapmens ware .

Certaine reports spread abroad of the Tripe-wife and her late married husband , whereby if they be slaundred or no , let themselves be their own Iudges .

FIrst for the Tripe-wife , that all the time of her widdowhood , her lips were so common in kissing euerie one , and her hands so readee in receiving all gifts whatsoeuer , tearming each suter husband , and making so little difference in outward kindnes , that either she imagined she might haue manie husbands , or dissemblingly thought to vse all alike . A fault , wherein if shee were guiltie , as it is credibly reported , doubtles it deserueth generall reproofe , and no milde censure of her verie deerest frends .

That likewise she was verie wantonly giuen , often desiring like them long kept fasting , the louing morsell of a man . And to showe her folly the more in this one poynt , I haue heard , that with her own hand she made a priuie search in a Gentlemans round hose , whether he ware them with a rowle , after the best fashion : or that they were voyd of all good shape and making .

That one of her Sisters , knowing her by nature to bee thus affected , willed him that hath married her , to shew her whether he were a man able for the field or no , and what good weapon hee carried about him : otherwise , there was small hope of pleasing her , and lesse to be expected of his successe .

Now whether he followed her good counsell or no , I am not able to say : but hence ( as it is reported ) grew Dols vnhappie ayming at her throwing vp on the bed : Which if hee did alone , and no bodie else , it was the more valorously performed : but if he had any pertakers , it was the greater wrong to come so many against one bodie ; for one to one is alwayes counted faire playe , manly and reasonable , but to oppresse by multitudes , is euer reckoned an apparant signe of cowardise .

That shee should sweare the night before shee was wedded , that she would neuer marrie with the Grocer he was such a logger-head : but if the former condition of the Obligation stood in full force and vertue , then I imagine he had best right to her , except some hungrie fellow desired to follow , and sup vp his leauings .

And here ( by the way ) the generall rumour is to be examined : namely , that the night the stoole was puld from her she had abuse offered her two severall wayes : first to be vanquished by wine , a shrewd depriuer of the senses : then dastardlike to be throwne backward , and more laid on her , than she was able to beare . If thys be the way to get a wife , well may it be tearmed drunkenly done , but neuer to be reputed heroycall , like his other actiue agilities : marrie when no better way is left to speed , wel-fare the wine that won the widdow .

It is said also , that he promised my brother William the present release of foure score pound land by the yere ( which he was not to enjoy till the widdowes death ) if he would ( as he did ) labour for his successe . And now that he hath sped , hee not onely in this breakes promise with him , but in a matter of two houses beside , standing behinde the shambles , the leases whereof were by his deceased brother made in his name , and conditioned that he should enter on them after his death : but hyr ladie , my new married brother in law now sayes no : so William is like to tarrie yet both for the land and houses , But bee of good cheere Brother , you 〈◊〉 the first that hath trauaild for an vnkinde requiter , nor shal be the last must lose by him .

Both the Sisters ( I heare ) likewise are together by the eares , because the ones rewarde exceedes the others , and there is such alledging , which of them hath best deserved on his behalfe : that while they stand contending , and counting how much they shall haue for their paines , he turnes them off with a fillop of the finger , and flatly saith , now he hath what he would haue , let them goe seeke what they should haue . Sisters , I would haue William and you put your gaines together into a bottomlesse bag : and if at the yeeres end it encrease not , yet ye shall be sure it will not be lesse than it it is . Marry , ( if ye can ) turne your endeuors another time to better aduantage : else you will bee thought vnwise , & he that so thriues by your labor more fortunate .

Fie vpon ingratitude , cries poore Richard , hee will sell all his ge●●●gs for a pore pepper come : yet he saies if promise had been kept , fiftie pounds in esse at the least should haue fallen to his share , beside the full and absolute power of his Sisters trade put ouer to him onely : where now , he is not onely deceiued of the one , but disappoynted of the other : and his vnkinde Sister the Tripe-wife , that I thinke will followe fowre selling euen in her graue , abbridges him of that paltrie prerogatiue , and flatly executes the office still her selfe .

What a lamentable Dittie is here in foure parts , of Nihil habemus , which doth not so much disturb the singers , as it urgeth displeasure in the hearers . Good people , beware of wooers promises , they are like the musique of a Taber and Pipe : the Pipe sings golde , gifts , and manie gay things , but perfourmance moralized in the Taber , still beares the burden of I doubt it , I doubt it : which in my conceipt is a verie pitifull hearing .

Moreouer I vnderstand , that verie simply himselfe makes report , how weake his state stood before he got the widdow , and that if she had not come when shee did , his inkhorn had been drie , and he not able to write one letter more .

What folly is this in anie man , to disclose his own secretes : If it had been so , for shame I would neuer haue reueald it my selfe . But hence I perceiue growes the houshold disquietnes , as is said , betweene him and her , because she findes not what she expected , and therefore wisheth her selfe ouer head and eares in the sowce tub .

O what a mournfull mornings worke was that betweene my fat Sister and her , when she taild on Lombard-streete , for exchanging so much of her golde , and wisht she were behinde the Shambles againe as well as euer she was : for the roaring of the Thames , ( or rather ransacking of her bagges ) so disquiets her nightly rest , that her other home was heauen in respect of London-bridge .

Beside , it is no manly part in him to make 〈◊〉 , how oft hee trickt the Tripe-wife before he had her . Fie , fie , I am content to winke at small faults , but ( if ye should be such a one ) this were intollerable . I le bee swarne , I made answere on your behalfe , where I had a 〈◊〉 check for my labour , I said , I 〈◊〉 layd my life yee would not vtter such a woorde for all the marks 〈…〉 , the man is wise enough .

Then I heare how you goe bragging about , breathing forth horrible thundring threates , because certaine bookes and ballads are printed of the Tripe wife : ye said ye had the tricke to out face all the wooers , and so yee would ouer dare all the Printers : yee beknaue your betters , calling them at your owne pleasure , and then turn your tung to your taile when you haue done . What man ? it will notsnowe alwaies , neither can you or the best tenaunt yee haue , beare downe Paules Church-yard . Rather win them with kindnes , for extremitie avayles not , they know yee for a man and no more , and will take for ye as a man and no more .

I know a verie good frend of yours , who would bee heartely sorrie if these reports shuld be true , & means to talke with ye on them when hee next meetes ye : for my part , I am sure ye euer found me firme , and so vpright vnto ye in wading thorough the cause , that as I would excuse nothing , so would I neuer iustifie anie thing .

Ye must regard the world as it is , naturally giuen to finde fault where anie cause is given , bee it neuer so little . And though all the stirre about the Tripe-wife be not worth the least piece of a Tripe : yet it sufficeth that yee haue wonne the spurres , from them all , and therefore let me addde these , as appendixes vnto your Armes .

A Chirterling rampant in a feld sowsant , two haggas puddings for the supporters , a Neates foote cleanly washe 〈◊〉 your creast , and a 〈…〉 Tripe to couer all for the mantle .

So with my hartie 〈◊〉 to your good bed fellowe and your selfe , with all the rest of my 〈◊〉 frends . I bid yee heartely farewell , this 2. of Aprill . 1595.

By him that is more yours than his owne , Oliuer Oat-meale . FIN

Hold Oliuer and thou be a good fellow , and let me in two or three words clap vp a conclusion , before then fully end thy Finis .

In the Sowse-wiues time of retailing , 〈◊〉 were not 〈…〉 ; but since Tripes haue been 〈◊〉 it seemes thou hast been her sweete harts Secretarie . Shall I be plaine with thee : I mislike the 〈◊〉 of thy Jurie , commend thy pl●●●mes touching the reports , and giue thee this priuiledge , that neither hee nor she shall euer hereafter trust thee , and therefors if thou haue anie more matter , turne it to me , and I can send it to mad Dauie , that meanes to thunder out terrible matter against Nicholneates foote , and Huff snuffe his neighbor . Farewell till within this fortnight by which time we shall either be all 〈◊〉 , or make our 〈◊〉 endlesse .

FINIS .