Sir Thomas Ouerburie his wife with new elegies vpon his (now knowne) vntimely death : whereunto are annexed, new newes and characters / written by himselfe and other learned gentlemen.

Sir Thomas Ouerburie

HIS WIFE ,

With NEW ELEGIES vpon his ( now knowne ) vntimely death .

Whereunto are annexed , new Newes and Characters , written by him selfe and other learned Gentlemen .

Editio Septima .

LONDON ,

Printed by Edward Griffin for Laurence L'isle , and are to bee sold at his shop at the Tigers head in Pauls Church-yard . 16 11 .

To the Reader .

THE generall acceptance of this matchlesse Poem the Wife , ( written by SIR Thomas Ouerbury ) is sufficiently approued by many , the worth whereof if any other , out of malice , shall neglect to commend , hee may well ( if it proceed , from nice Criticisme ) be excluded as a Churlish Retainer to the MVSES : if from direct plaine dealing , he shall be degraded for insufficiencie . For had such a Poem beene extant among the ancient Romanes , although they wanted our easie conseruations of wit by printing , they would haue committed it to brasie lest iniurions time might depriue it of due eternitie ; If to conuerse with a Creature so amiable as is here described , be thought difficult ; let the contemplation thereof be held admirable . To which are added many Elegies of his vntimely death , and Characters and Newes written by himselfe and others his friends . Howsoeuer , they are now exposed , not only to the Iudicious , but to all that cary the least scruple of mother wit about them .

Licet toto nunc Helicone frui — Mar.

Lau : L'isle .

Elegies of seuerall Authors , on the vntimely death of SIR Thomas Ouerburie poysoned in the Tower .

Vpon the vntimely death of Sir Thomas Ouerburie . T' would ease our Sorrowes , t' would release our Teares , Could we but heare those high celestiall Spheares , Once tune their Motions to a dolefull straine In sympathie of what we Mortalls plaine . Or see their faire Intelligences change Or face or habit , when blacke Deeds , so strange , As might force pittie from the heart of Hell Are hatch'd by Monsters , which among vs dwell , The Starres me thinks , like Men inclin'd to sleepe , Should through their chrystall casements scarcely peepe , Or at least view vs but with halfe an eye , For feare their chaster Influence might descry Some murdering hand , oaded in guiltlesse bloud , Blending vile iuices to destroy the good . The Sunne should wed his Beames to endles Night , And in dull darknesse canopie his Light , When from the ranke stewes of adulterous Brests , Where euery base vnhallowed Proiect rests , Is belcht , as in defiance of his shine , A steame , might make euen Death it selfe to pine . But these things happen still ; but ne're more cleare , Nor with more lustre did these Lampes appeare : Mercurie capers with a winged heele , As if he did no touch of sorrow feele , And yet he sees a true Mercurian killd , Whose birth his Mansion with much honour filld . But let me not mistake those Powers aboue , Nor taxe iniuriously those Courts of Ioue ; Surely , they ioy to see these Acts reueald , Which in blinde silence haue bin long conceald ; And Virtue now triumphant ; whil'st we mourne To thinke that ere shee was foule Uices scorne : Or that poore Ouer-buries bloud was made A sacrifice to Malice and darke shade . Weston thy Hand that Couvre-feu Bell did sway , Which did his life to endles sleepe conuay . But rest thou where thou art ; I le seeke no glorie By the relation of so sad a storie . If any more were priuie to the Deed , And for the Crime must be adiudg'd to bleed , To Heauen I pray , with heau'd-vp Hands and Eyes , That as their Bodies fall , their Soules may rise . And as those equally turne to one Dust , So these alike may shine among the Iust. And there make vp one glorious constellation , Who suffred here in such a differing fashion . D. T.

To the Memorie of that generally bewailed Gentleman , Sr. Thomas Ouerburie . BVt that w' are bound in Christian pietie To wish Gods will be done ; and Destinie ( In all that happs to Men , or Good , or Ill ) Suffer'd , or sent , by that implored Will ; Methinks t' obserue how Vertue drawes faint Breath , Subiect to slanders , Hate , and violent Death , Wise men kept low , others aduanc'd to State , Right check't by wrong , and Ill men fortunate ; These mou'd Effects , from an vnmoued Cause , Might shake the firmest Faith ; Heauens fixed Lawes Might casuall seeme , and each irregular Sence Spurne at iust Order , blame Gods Prouidence . But what is Man , t' expostulate th' Intents Of his high Will , or iudge of strange Euents ? The rising Sunne to mortall sight reueales This Earthly Globe ; but yet the Starrs conceales ; So may the Sence discouer Naturall Things ; Diuine , aboue the reach of Humane wings . Then not the Fate , but Fates bad Instrument Doe I accuse , in each sad Accident : Good men must fall , Rapes , Incests , Murders come ; But woe and curses follow them by whom : God Authors all mens Actions , not their sin , For that proceeds from deu'lish Formes within . Thou then that sufferd'st by those Formes so vile , From whom those wicked Instruments did file Thy drossie part , to make thy Fame shine cleare , And Shrine thy Soule in Heauens all glorious Sphere ; Who being good , naught les to thee befel , Though it appear'd disguis'd in shape of Hell ; Vanish thy Blood and Nerues ; true Life alone In Vertue liues , and true Religion , In both which thou art deathles : O behold , ( If thou canst looke so low as Earths base Moulde ) How dreadfull Iustice ( larewith lingring Foot ) Now comes like Whirle-winde ? how it shakes the Root Of loftie Cedars ; makes the stately Brow Bend to the Foot ? how all men see that now The Breath of Infamie doth moue their Sayles ; Whiles thy deare name by Loues more hartie gales Shall still keep Winge , vntill thy Fames extent Fill eu'rie part of this vast Continent . Then you the Syre of this thus murder'd Sonne ; Repine not at his Fate ; since he hath wonne More Honor in his Sufferance ; and his Death Succeeded by his Vertues endles Breath . For him , and to his Life and Deaths Example , Loue might erect a Statue ; Zeale , a Temple : On his true worth the Muses might be slayne To dye his Honors Web in purest Grayne . C. B.

Vpon the vntimely Death of the Author of this ingenious Poem , Sr. THO: OVERBVRY Knight , poysoned in the Towre . SO many Moones so many times gone round , And rose from Hell , & Darknesse , vnder ground , And yet till now , this darkned deed of Hell Not brought to light ? ô tardie Heauen ! yet tell If Murther layes him downe to sleep with Lust Or no ? reueale , as thou art Truth , and Iust , The Secrets of this vniust secure Act , And what our feares make vs suspect , compact With greater deeds of Mischiefe , for alone We thinke not This , and doe suspect yet One , To which compar'd , This , but a falling Starre , That a bright Firmament of Fire : Thy Care We see takes meaner things : It times the World The Signes at random thorough the Zodiack hurld , The Stars wild wandrings , & the glib-quick Hinges Which turne both Poles ; and all the violent changes It ouer-lookes , which trouble th' endlesse course Of the high Firmament : by thy blest Force Doe hoary winter frosts make forrests bare , And straight to Groues againe their shades repaire , By Thee doth Autums , Lyons-flaming Maine Ripen the fruits : and the full yeere sustaine Her burdned powers : ô being still the same , Ruling so much , and vnder whom the frame Of this vast world weighd , all his Orbes dost guide , Why are thy Cares of Men no more applide ? Or if : why seem'st thou sleeping to the Good , And guarding to the Ill ? as if the brood Of best things still must Chance take in Command And not thy Prouidence : and Her blinde Hand Thy Benefits erroniously disburse , Which so let fall , ne're fall but to the worse ? Whence so , great crimes commit the Greater sort , And boldest acts of shame blaze in the Court , Where Buffones Worship in their rise of State Those filthy Scarrabs , whom they Serue , and Hate . Sure things meere backward , there ; Honor disgracst , And Uertue layd by Fraud , and Poyson , waste : The Adult'rer vp like Haman , and so Sainted : And Femals modesty ( as Femals ) painted , Lost in all reall worth : what shall we say ? Things so farre out of frame , as if the day Were come wherein another Phaeton Stolne into Phoebus waine , had all misse-won A cleane contrary way : ô powerfull God , Right all amisse , and set the wonted period Of Goodnesse in his place againe : This deed Be Vsher to bring foorth the Maske , and Weed Where vnder , blacker things lye hid perhap , And yet haue Hope to make a safe escape . Of This , make knowen , why such an Instrument As Weston , a poore Seruing-man , should rent The frame of this sad-good-mans life : did he Stand with this Court-bred learned OVERBVRIE , In strife for an Ambasdorship ? no , no , His Orbe held no such light : what did he owe The Prophet malice for composing this , This Cynossura in a neat Poësis , How Good , and Great men ought , and All , to chuse A chaste , fit , noble Wife , and the abuse Of Strumpets friendly shadowing in the same , Was this his fault ? or doth there lie a flame Yet in the embers not vnrak't , for which He di'de so falsly ? Heauen we doe beseech Vnlocke this secret , and bring all to view , That Law may purge the bloud , Lust made vntrue . W. S.

An Elegie consecrated to the memorie of the truly worthy and learned Sir Thomas Ouerburie KNIGHT . HAd not thy wrong , like to a wound ill cur'd Broke forth in death ; I had not been assur'd Of griefe enough to finish what write . These lines , as those which doe in cold bloud fight Had come but faintly on ; for , euer , he That shrines a name within an Elegie ( Vnles some neerer cause doe him inspire ) Kindles his bright flame at the Funerall fire . Since passion ( after , lessning her extent ) Is then more strong , and so more eloquent . How powerfull is the hand of Murther now ! Was 't not enough to see his deare life bowe Beneath her hate ? but crushing that faire frame , Attempt the like on his vnspotted Fame ? O base reuenge ! more then inhumane fact ! Which ( as the Romanes sometime would enact No doome for Patricide , supposing none Could euer so offend ) the vpright Throne Of Iustice salues not : leauing that intent Without a Name , without a punishment . Yet through thy wounded Fame , as thorow these Glasses which multiply the Species , We see thy vertues more ; and they become ; So many Statues sleeping on thy Tombe . Wherein , confinement new thou shalt endure , But so ; as when to make a Pearle more pure We giue it to a Doue , in whose wombe pent Some time , we haue it forth most orient . Such is thy luster now , that venomd Spight With her blacke Soule dares not behold thy light , But banning it , a course begins to runne With those that curse the rising of the Sunne . The poyson , that workes vpwards now , shall striue To be thy faire Fames true Preseruatiue . And witch-craft that can maske the vpper Shine With no one clowd shall blinde a raye of thine . And as the Hebrewes in an obscure pit Their holy fire hid , not extinguish'd it , And after times , that broke their bondage chaine Found it , to fire their sacrifice againe : So lay thy worth somewhile , but being found , The Muses altars plentifully crownd With sweet perfumes , by it new kindled be And offer all to thy deare memorie . Nor haue we lost thee long : thou art not gone , Nor canst descend into Obliuion . But twice the Sun went round since thy Soule fled , And onely that time men shall tearme thee dead . Heereafter ( rais'd to life ) thou still shalt haue An Antidote against the silent grave . W.B. Int. Temp.

Vpon the vntimely Death of Sr. Thomas Ouerbury . IF for to liue be but a misery , If by death good men gaine eternity , T was friendly done in robbing thee of life , To celebrate thy nuptials with thy wife ; So that his will no other aimeintended , But by exchange thy life should be amended : Yet wert to compasse his insatiate Lust , He this last friendship tendred to thy trust Whiles he dishonour'd and defam'd may die , Iustice and Fame , shall crowne thy memorie . B. G. medij Temp.

In obitum intempestiuum & lachrimabilem Illustrissimi Equitis aurati TH: OVERBVRI magnae spei & expectationis Viri . HOw euer windie mischiefe raise vp high , Darke thickning clouds , to poure vpon vs all A tempost of foule rumors , which descry Thy hard mishap and strange distastrous fall , As if thy wounds were bleeding from that hand , Which rather should haue raisd thee vp to stand . Yet shalt thou here suruiue in pittying fame , In thy sweet Wife , in these most acute lines , In well reputed Characters of name , And vertues tombe , which all thy honor shrines , In spight of enuie , or the proudest hair , That thus hath set opinion at debate . But for mine owne part , sith it falls out so , That death hath had her will ; I now compare It to awanton hand , which at a throw To breake a box of pretious balme did dare : With whose perfume , although it was thus spilld , The house and commers by were better filld . Cap: Th: Gainsford .

Encomiasticke Uerses on this excellent Poem the Wife . LOe here the matchles patterne of a Wife , Deciphered in forme of Good and Bad : The Bad commends the Good as Darke doth Light , Or as a loathed Bed a Single life ; The Good , with Wisdom and Discretion clad , With Modestie , and faire demeanour dight , Whose Reason doth her Will to Loue inuite . Reason begot , and Passion bred her loue , Selfe-will She shun'd , Fitnes the Mariage made ; Fitnes doth cherish Loue , Selfe-will Debate . Loe thus ; and in this Monument of proofe A perfect Wife , a Worke nor Time can fade , Nor loose respect betray to mortall Fate . This , none can equall ; Best , but imitate . R.C.

On Sir Thomas Ouerburies Poem the Wife . I Am glad yet ere I die , I haue found occasion Honest and iust ; without the worlds perswasion Or flatterie or briberie to commend A woman for her goodnesse ; and God send I may finde many more : I wish them well , They are pretty things to play with : when Eue fell She tooke a care that all the Wo-men-kinde That were to follow her , should be as blinde As she was wilfull ; and till this good Wife , This peece of vertue , that nere tooke her life From a fraile mothers labor : Those stand still As marginalls to point vs to our ill Came to the world , as other creatures doe That know no God but will ; we learnt to woe , And if she were but faire and could but kisse , Twentie to one we could not chuse amisse ; And as we iudge of trees if straight and tall That may be found , yet neuer till the fall Finde how the raine hath drill'd them ; So till now We only knew we must loue ; but not how . But here we haue example , and so rare , That if we hold but common sense and care , And steere by this card ; he that goes awry , I le boldly say at his natiuity , That man was seal'd a foole : yet all this good Giuen as it is , not cloath'd in flesh and blood Some may auerre and strongly t was meere ment In way of practise , but not president ; Either will make vs happy men ; for he That marrieth any way this my sterie , Or any parcell of that benefit , Though he take hold of nothing but the wit , Hath got himselfe a partner for his life , More then a woman , better then a wife . I. F.

Eiusdem in Eadem . AS from a man the first fraile woman came , The first that euer made vs know our shame , And finde the curse of labor ; so againe , Goodnesse and vnderstanding found a man To take this shame away ; and from him sprung A peece of excellence without a Tongue Because it should not wrong vs ; yet the life Makes it appeare a woman and a wife . And this is she , if euer woman shall Doe good heereafter ; borne to blesse our fall . J. F.

On Sir Thomas Ouerburies Poem the Wife . WEre euery beauty , euery seuerall grace , Which is in Women , in one Womans face , Some courtly Gallants might , I think , come to her , Which would not wed her , though they seem'd to woe her . Setled Affections follow not the Eye ; Reason and Iudgement , must their course descrie . Pigmalions Image made of Marble stone , Was lik'd of all ; belou'd of him alone . But heere 's a Dame growen husbandlesse of late , Which not a Man but wisheth were his Mate . So faire without , so free from spot within , That Earth seemes heere to stand exempt from sin , Iuno vouchsafe , and Hymen , when I wed , I may behold this Widdow in my Bed . D. T.

On the Wife . BEauty affords contentment to the Eye , Riches are meanes to cure a weake estate , Honour illustrates what it commeth nie : To marry thus men count it happy Fate . Vertue they think doth in these Emblems shroud But triall shewes they are gulled with a Cloud . These are but complements ; the inward worth , The outward carriage , gesture , wit , and grace , Is that alone which sets a Woman forth : And in this Woman , these haue each a place . Were all wiues such , This age would happy bee , But happier that of our Posteritie . D. T.

To the Wife . EXpos'd to all , thou wilt lesse worthy seeme I feare : Wiues common , all men disesteems ; Yet somethings haue a differing Fate : some fret , We doubt in wares which are in corners set : Hid Medalls rust , which being vs'd grow bright ; The day more friendeth vertue then the night . Thou though more common , then maist seem more good , I onely wish thou maist be vnderstood . G. R.

On the Wife . WEl hast thou said , that women should be such ; And were they that , had but a third as much I would be maried too , but that I know Not what shee is , but should be thou dost show : So let me praise thy worke , and let my life Be single , or thy Widdow be my Wife . X. Z.

On the Wife . THis perfect Creature , to the Easterne vse Liu'd , whilst a wife retir'd from common show : Not that her Louer fear'd , the least abuse , But with the wisest , knew it fitter so : Since , falne a widdow , and a zealous one , She would haue sacrifizde her selfe agen , But importun'd to life , is now alone , Lou'd , woo'd , admir'd , by all wise single men , Which , to th' adultrous rest , that dare begin There vs'd temptations , were a mortall sinne .

TO make a Wife of Wit , or meere Philosophie , And deck her vp with flowres of sweetest poesie , Is no hard taske : but such an one of flesh to find , Would weary all the wits and bodies of mankinde : Since worse must serue the turne , then men must be content To take such as they find , not such as they inuent . T. B.

To the cleane contrary wife . Look here : & chide those Spirits , which maintain Their Empire , with so strong command in you , That all good eyes , which do your follies view , Pitty , what you for them , must once sustaine : O from those Euills , which free Soules disdaine To be acquainted with , ( and but persue Worst Minds ) from them ( as hatefull , as vntrue , ) By reading this , for Fames faire sake refraine : Who would let feed vpon her birth , the brood Of lightnes , Indiscretion , and the shame Of fowle Incontinence , when the base blood Is carelesse only of an Honourd Name , Be all that gentle are , more high improou'd , For loose Dames are but flatter'd , neuer Lou'd . W : Stra :

To the Wife . WEep on kinde Soule ; and though thou commest in view , Put on Woes habit , Melancholies hew . A Widdowes beautie makes the louelier show , When flouds of sorrow doe her cheekes oreflow . The faire Achieuements soft Affection beares Are bleeding Hearts , Eyes euer-dropping Teares . The Turtle tells thee , Thou shouldst alwaies grone , And waile thy Mate with selitarie mone . Adde then sweet Soule no bounds to thy Laments , T is fit sad plaints should follow sad euents . Yet haue a care his name be not reneal'd : Griefe merits most , where it is most conceal'd

Of the choyce of a Wife . IF I were to chuse a Woman , As who knowes but I may marry : I would trust the eye of no man , Nor a tongue that may miscarry : For in way of Loue and Glory Each Tongue best tells his owne story . First , to make my choyse the bolder , I would haue her childe to such Whose free vertuous liues are older Then Antiquitie can touch : For t is seeldome seene , that Blood Giues a Beautie great and good . Yet an ancient stocke may bring Branches I confesse of worth , Like rich-mantles shadowing Those descents that brought them forth . Yet such Hills though gilded showe Soonest feele the Age of snowe . Therefore to preuent such care That repentance soone may bring , Like Marchants I would chuse my ware . Vse-full good , not glittering . He that weds for state or face , Buyes a Horse to lose a Race . Yet I would haue her faire as any , But her owne not kist away : I would haue her free to many , Looke on all like equall day ; But descending to the Sea , Make her set with none but me . If she be not tall t is better ; For that word , A goodly Woman , Prints it selfe in such a letter , That it leaues vnstudied no man : I would haue my Mistresse grow Onely tall , to answere No. Yet I would not haue her lose So much breeding , as to fling Vnbecomming scorne on those That must worship euery thing . Let her feare loose lookes to scatter , And loose men will feare to flatter . Children I would haue her beare . More for loue of name then bed : So each childe I haue is heyre To another maydenhead ; For she that in the act 's afraids . Euery nigh'ts another maide . Such a one , as when shee s woo'd Blushes not for ill thoughts past ; But so innocently good , That her dreames are euer chast ; For that Maide that thinkes a sin , Has betraide the Fort shee 's in . In my visitation still , I would haue her scatter feares , How this man , and that was ill , After protestations teares : And who vowes a constant life , Crownes a meritorious Wife . When the Priest first giues our hands , I would haue her thinke but thus ; In what high and holy bands Heauen , like twinnes , hath planted vs , That like Aarons rod together , Both may bud , grow greene , and wither .

FINIS .

THE LIVELY PORTRAICTURE OF SIR THOMAS OVERBURY .

THE METHOD .

FIrst of Mariage , and the effect thereof , Children . Then of his contrarie , Lust ; then for his choice . First , his opinion negatiuely , what should not be : the first causes in it , that is , neither Beautie , Birth , nor Portion . Then affirmatiuely , what should be , of which kind there are foure : Goodnesse , Knowledge , Discretion , and as a second thing , Beautie . The first only is absolutely good : the other being built vpon the first doe likewise become so . Then the application of that woman by loue to himselfe , which makes her a wife . And lastly , the only condition of a wife , Fitnesse .

A WIFE . EAch Woman is a briefe of Woman-kinde , And doth in little euen as much containe , As , in one Day and Night , all life we finde , Of either , More , is but the fame againe : God fram'd Her so , that to her Husband , She , As Eue , should all the World of Women be . So fram'd he Both , that neither power he gaue , Vse of themselues , but by exchange , to make : Whence in their Face the Fayre no pleasure haue , But ' by reflex of what thence other take . Our Lips in their owne Kisse no pleasure find : Toward their proper Face , our Eyes are blind . So God in Eue did perfit Man begun ; Till then , in vaine much of himselfe he had : In Adam God created onely one , Eue , and the world to come , in Eue he made . We are two halfes : whiles each from other straies , Both barren are ; Ioyn'd both their like can raise At first both Sexes were in Man combin'de , man , a Shee-man did in his bodie breed ; Adam was Eues , Eue Mother of Mankinde , Eue From Liue-flesh , Man did from Dust proceed . One thus made two , Marriage doth revnite , And makes them both but on Hermaphrodite . Man did but the well-being of his life From Woman take , her Being she from Man , And therefore Eue created was a Wife , And at the end of all , her Sex began : Mariage their obiect is ; their Being then , And now Perfection , they receiue from Men. Marriage , to all , whose ioyes two parties be , And doubled are by being parted so , Wherein the very act is Chastitie , Whereby two Soules into one Bodie goe . Which makes two one while here they liuing be , And after death in their Posteritie . God to each Man a priuate Woman gaue , That in that Center his desires might stint , That he a comfort like himselfe might haue , And that on her his like he might imprint . Double is Womans vse , part of their end Doth on this Age , part on the next depend . We fill but part of Time , and cannot dye , Till we the world a fresh supply haue lent , Children are Bodies sole Eternitie ; Nature is Gods , Art is Mans instrument . Now all Mans Art but only dead things makes , But herein Man in things of life partakes . For wandring Lust ; I know t is infinite , It still begins , and addes not more to more . The guilt is euerlasting , the delight , This instant doth not feele of that before . The taste of it is only in the Sense , The operation , in the Conscience . Woman is not Lusts bounds , but Woman-kinde , One is Loues number : who from that doth fall , Hath lost his hold , and no new rest shall finde , Uice hath no meane , but not to be at all ; A Wife is that enough , Lust cannot finde , For Lust is still with want , or too much , pinde . Bate lust the Sin , my share is eu'n with his , For Not to lust , and to Enjoy is one : And more or lesse past , equall Nothing is , I still haue one , Lust one at once , alone : And though the Woman often changed be , Yet Hee 's the same without varietie . Marriage our lust ( as 't were with fuell fire ) Doth , with a medicine of the same , allay ; And not forbid , but rectifie desire . My selfe I cannot chuse , my wife I may : And in the choyce of Her , it much doth lie , To mend my selfe in my Posteritie . O rather let me Loue , then be in loue ; So let me chuse as Wife and Friend to finde , Let me forget her Sex when I approue , Beasts likenesse lies in shape , but ours in minde . Our Soules no Sexes haue , their Loue is cleane , No Sex , both in the better part are Men. But Physicke for our lust their Bodies be , But matter fit to shew our Loue vpon . But onely Shells for our posteritie , Their soules were giu'n lest man should be alone : For , but the Soules Interpreters , wordes be , Without which Bodies are no Company . That goodly frame we see of flesh and blood , Their fashion is , not weight , it is I say But their Laye-part , but well digested food ; T is but twixt Dust , and Dust , Liues middle way : The worth of it is nothing that is seen , But onely that it holds a Soule within . And all the carnall Beautie of my Wife , Is but skin-deepe , but to two senses knowne ; Short euen of Pictures , shorter liu'd then Life , And yet the loue suruiues that's built thereon : For our Imagination is too high , For Bodies when they meete to satisfie . All Shapes , all Colours are alike in Night , Nor doth our Touch distinguish foule or faire : But mans imagination , and his sight ; And those , but the first weeke , by Custome are Both made alike , which diffred at first view ; Nor can that difference , Absence much renew . Nor can that Beautie lying in the Face , But meerely by imagination be Enioy'd by vs in an inferior place . Nor can that Beauty by enioying we Make ours become , so our desire growes tame : We changed are , but it remaines the same . Birth , lesse then Beauty , shall my Reason blinde , Her Birth goes to my Children , not to me . Rather had I that actiue Gentrie finde , Vertue , then passiue from her Ancestry ; Rather in her aliue , one vertue see , Then all the rest dead in her Pedegree . In the Degrees , high rather be she plac't , Of Nature then of Art and Policie : Gentry is but a relique of Time-past , And Loue doth onely but the present see ; Things were first made , then words : she were the same , With , or without , that title , or that name . As for ( the oddes Sexes ) Portion ; Nor will I shun it , nor my ayme it make ; Byrth , Beautie , Wealth , are nothing worth alone , All these I would for good additions take , Not for Good Parts ; those two are ill combin'd , Whom any third thing from themselues hath ioynd . Rather then these , the obiect of my Loue , Let it be Good ; when these with vertue go , They ( in themselues indifferent , ) vertues proue , For Good ( like fire ) turnes all things to be so . Gods Image , in Her Soule , ô let me place My Loue vpon ; not Adams in Her Face . Good , is a fairer attribute then White , T is the mindes beautie keepes the other sweet : That 's not still one , nor mortall with the light , Nor glasse , nor painting can it counterfet , Nor doth it raise desires , which euer tend At once , to their perfection , and their end . By Good I would haue Holy vnderstood , So God she cannot loue , but also mee , The law requires our words and deedes be good , Religion euen the Thoughts doth sanctifie : And she is more a Maide that rauisht is , Then She which onely doth but wish amisse . Lust only by Religion is withstood , Lusts obiect is aliue , his strength within , Moralitie resists but in cold bloud , Respect of Credit feareth shame not sinne . But no place darke enough for such offence She finds , that 's watcht by her owne Conscience . Then may I trust her Body with her Minde , And , thereupon secure , neede neuer know The pangs of Iealousie : and Loue doth finde More paineto doubt her false , then know her so : For Patience is of euils that are knowne , The certaine Remedie ; but Doubt hath none . And be that thought once stirr'd , t will neuer dye , Nor will the griefe more milde by custome proue : Nor yet Amendment can it satisfie , The Anguish more or lesse , is as our Loue : This miserie doth Iealousie ensue , That we may proue her false , but cannot True . Suspicion may the will of Lust restraine . But Good preuents from hauing such a will , A Wife that 's Good , doth Chast and more containe , For Chast is but an Abstinence from ill : And in a Wife that 's Bad ; although the best Of qualities ; yet in a Good the least . To barre the meanes is Care , not Iealousie . Some lawfull things to be auoyded are , When , they occasion of vnlawfull be , Lust ere it hurts , is best descride a farre : Lust is a finne of two ; he that is sure Of either part , may be of both secure . Giue me next Good , an vnderstanding Wife , By Nature wise , not Learned by much Art , Some Knowledge on Her side will all my life More scope of conuersation impart , Besides , Her inborne vertue fortifie , They are most firmly good , that best know Why. A passiue vnderstanding to conceiue , And Iudgement to discerne , I wish to finde : Beyond that , all as hazardous I leaue , Learning and pregnant wit in Woman-kinde , What it findes malleable maketh fraile , And doth not adde more Ballast , but more Saile . Domesticke Charge doth best that Sexe befit , Contiguous businesse , so to fixe the Minde , That Leasure space for Fancies not admit : Their Leasure t is corrupteth Woman-kinde , Else being plac'd from many vices free , They had to Heau'n a shorter cut then wee . Bookes are a part of Mans prerogatiue , In formall Inke they Thoughts and Uoices hold , That we to them our solitude may giue , And make Time-present trauell that of old . Our Life , Fame peeceth longer at the end , And Bookes it farther backward doe extend . As good , and knowing , let her be Discreet , That to the others weight , doth Fashion bring , Discretion doth consider what is Fit , Goodnesse but what is lawfull , but the Thing Not Circumstances ; Learning is and wit , In Men but curious folly without it . To keepe their Name when 't is in others hands Discretion askes , their Credit is by farre More fraile then They , on likely-hoods it stands , And hard to be disproou'd , Lust's slanders are . Their Carriage , not their Chastity alone , Must keepe their Name chaste from suspition . Womens Behauiour is a surer barre Then is their No : That fairely doth denie Without denying , thereby kept they are Safe eu'n from Hope ; in part to blame is shee , Which hath without consent bin onely tride ; He comes too neere , that comes to be denide . Now since a Woman we to Marry are , A Soule and Body , not a Soule alone ; When one is Good , then be the other Faire , Beauty is Health , and Beauty both in one , Bee shee so faire as change can yeeld no gaine , So faire , as Shee most Women else containe . So Faire at least let me imagine Her , That thought to me is Truth : Opinion Cannot in matter of opinion erre ; With no Eyes shall I see her but mine owne . And as my Fancy Her conceiues to bee . Euen such my Senses both , doe Feele and See . The Face we may the seat of of Beauty call , In it the rellish of the rest doth lie , Nay eu'n a figure of the Minde withall : And of the Face the Life moues in the Eye ; No things else being two so like we see , So like , that they two but in number be . Beauty in decent shape , and Colours lies , Colours the matter are , and shape the Soule ; The Soule which from no single part doth rise , But from the iust proportion of the whole , And is a meere spirituall-harmonie , Of euery part vnited in the Eye . Loue is a kinde of Superstition , Which feares the Idoll which it selfe hath fram'd ; Lust a Desire , which rather from his owne Temper , then from the obiect is inflam'd ; Beauty is Loues obiect , Women Lust's , to gaine Loue , Loue Desires , Lust onely to obtaine . No circumstance doth Beauty beautifie , Like gracefull fashion , natiue Comelinesse , Nay eu'n gets pardon for Deformity ; Art cannot it beget , but may encrease , When Nature had fixt Beauty perfect made , Something she left for Motion to adde . But let that Fashion more to Modestie Tend , then Assurance ; Modesty doth set The face in hir iust place , from Passions free , T is both the Mindes , and Bodies Beauty met ; But Modesty ; no vertue can we see ; That is the Faces onely Chastitie . Where goodnesse failes , twixt ill and ill that stands : Whence t is that women though they weaker be , And their desires more strong , yet on their hands The Chastitie of men doth often lie : Lust would more common be then any one , Could it as other sinnes be done alone . All these good parts a Perfect woman make , Adde Loue to me , they make a Perfect Wife , Without her Loue Her Beauty should I take , As that of Pictures , dead , That giues it life ; Till then Her Beauty like the Sunne doth shine Alike to all ; That makes it onely mine . And of that Loue , let Reason Father be , And Passion Mothor ; let it from the one His Being take , the other his Degree ; Selfe-loue ( which second Loues are built vpon ) Will make me ( if not Her ) her Loue respect ; No Man but fauours his owne worths effect . As Good , and wise , so be she Fit for mee , That is , To will , and Not to will the same , My Wife is my Adopted-selfe , and shee As Mee , so what I loue , to Loue must frame . For when in Mariage both in one concurre , Woman conuerts to Man , not Man to her . FINIS .

The Authors Epitaph , written by himselfe . THe Span of my dayes measur'd , heere I rest , That is , my body ; but my soule , his guest Is hence ascended , whither , nestber Time , Nor Faith , nor Hope , but onely loue can clime ; Where being now enlightned , Shee doth know The Truth of all men argue of below : Onely this dust doth heere in Pawne remaine , That when the world dissolues she come againe .

Characters , OR Wittie descriptions of the properties of sundry Persons .

A good Woman .

A Good Woman is a comfort , like a man . Shee lacks of him nothing but heat . Thence is her sweetnes of disposition , which meets his stoutnes more pleasingly ; so wooll meets yron easier then yron , and turnes resisting into embracing . Her greatest learning is religion , and her thoughts are on her owne Sexe , or on men , without casting the difference . Dishonestie neuer comes neerer than her eares , and then wonder stops it out , and saues vertue the labour . Shee leaues then eat youth , telling his lushious tales , and puts back the Seruingmans putting forward with a frowne : yet her kindnes is free enough to be seene ; for it hath no guilt about it : and her mirth is cleare , that you may looke through it , into vertue , but not beyond . She hath not behauiour at a certaine , but makes it to her occasion . Shee hath so much knowledge as to loue it , and if she haue it not at home , shee will fetch it ; for this sometimes in a pleasant discontent she dares chide her Sexe , though she vse it neuer the worse . She is much within , and frames outward things to her minde , not her minde to them . She weares good clothes , but neuer better ; for she findes no degree beyond Decencie . Shee hath a content of her owne , and so seeks not an husband , but findes him . She is indeed most , but not much to description , for she is direct and one , and hath not the varietie of ill . Now shee is giuen fresh and aliue to a husband , and shee doth nothing more then loue him , for she takes him to that purpose . So his good becomes the businesse of her actions , and shee doth her selfe kindnesse vpon him . After his , her chiefest vertue is a good husband . For Shee is Hee .

A very Woman .

A Very Woman , is a dow-bakt man , or a Shee ment well towards man , but fell two bowes short , strength and vnderstanding . Her vertue is the hedge , Modestie , that keeps a man from climing ouer into her faults . Shee simpers as if she had no teeth , but lips , and she diuides her eyes and keeps halfe for her selfe , and giues the other to her near Youth . Being set downe shee casts her face into a platforme , which dureth the meale , & is taken away with the voider . Her draught reacheth to good manners , not to thirst , and it is a part of their mysterie not to professe hunger ; but Nature takes her in priuate and stretcheth her vpon meat . Shee is Marigeable and Fourteene at once ; and after she doth not liue but tarrie . Shee reads ouer her face euery morning , and sometimes blots out pale , and writes red . She thinks she is faire , though many times her opinion goes alone , and she loues her glasse , and the knight of the Sunne for lying . Shee is hid away all but her face , and that 's hang'd about with toyes and deuices , like the signe of a Tauerne , to draw Strangers . If shee shew more shee preuents desire , and by too free giuing , leaues no Gift . Shee may escape from the Seruing-man , but not from the Chamber-maide . Shee commits with her eares for certaine : after that shee may goe for a Maide , but she hath been lien with in her vnderstanding . Her Philosophie , is a seeming neglect of those , that be too good for her . Shee 's a yonger brother for her portion , but not for her portion of wit , that comes from her in a treble , which is still too big for it ; yet hir Vanitie seldom matcheth hir , with one of her owne degree , for then she wil beget another creature a begger : and commonly , if shee marrie better , shee marries worse . Shee gets much by the simplicitie of her Sutor , and for a iest , laughes at him without one . Thus she dresses a Husband for her selfe , and after takes him for his patience , and the land adioyning , yee may see it , in a Seruingmans fresh Naperie , and his Leg steps into an vnknowne stocking . I need not speake of his Garters , the tassell shewes it selfe . If she loue , she loues not the Man , but the beast of him . Shee is Salomons cruel creature , and a mans walking-consumption : euery caudle shee giues him , is a purge . Her chiefe commendation is , shee brings a man to repentance .

Her next part .

Her lightnesse gets her to swimme at top of the table , where her wrie little finger bewraies caruing ; her neighbors at the latter end know they are welcom , and for that purpose shee quencheth her thirst . She trauels to and among , and so becomes a woman of good entertainment , for all the follie in the countrie , comes in cleane Linnen to visit her : she breakes to them her griefe in Sugar cakes , and receiues from their mouthes in exchange , many stories that conclude to no purpose . Her eldest Sonne is like her howsoeuer , and that dispraiseth him best : her vtmost drift is to turne him Foole , which commonly she obtaines at the yeeres of discretion , Shee takes a iourney sometimes to her Neeces house , but neuer thinks beyond London . Her Deuotion is good clothes , they carrie her to Church , expresse their stuffe and fashion , and are silent , if she be more deuout , shee lifts vp a certaine number of eyes , in stead of prayers , and takes the Sermon , and measures out a nap by it , iust as long . She sends Religion afore to Sixtie , where shee neuer ouertakes it , or driues it before her againe . Her most necessarie instruments , are a waiting Gentlewoman , and a Chamber-maide ; shee weares her Gentlewoman still , but most often leaues the other in her Chamber-window . She hath a little Kennel in her lap , and she smells the sweeter for it . The vtmost reach of her Prouidence , is the fatnesse of a Capon , and her greatest enuie , is the next Gentlewomans better gown . Her most commendable skill , is to make her Husbands fustian beare her Veluer . This she doth many times ouer , and then is deliuered to old Age , and a Chaire , where euery bodie leaues her .

A Dissembler ,

IS an essence needing a double definition , for hee is not that hee appeares . Vnto the eye he is pleasing , vnto the eare not harsh , but vnto the vnderstanding intricate , and full of windings : he is the prima materia , & his intents giue him forme : he dieth his meanes and his meaning into two colours , he baites craft with humilitie , and his countenance is the picture of the present disposition . He winnes not by batterie , but vndermining , and his racke is soothing . Hee allures , is not allur'd by his affections , for they are the brokers of his obseruation . He knowes passion onely by sufferance , and resisteth by obeying . He makes his time an accomptant to his memorie , and of the humors of men weaues a net for occasion : the Inquisitor must looke through his iudgment , for to the eye only he is no● visible .

A Courtier ,

TO all mens thinking is a man , and to most men the finest : all things else are defined by the vnderstanding , but this by the senses ; but his surest marke is , that hee is to be found onely about Princes . Hee smells ; and putteth away much of his iudgment about the scituation of his clothes . He knowes no man that is not generally knowne . His wit , like the Marigold , openeth with the Sunne , and therefore he riseth not before ten of the clocke . He puts more confidence in his words than meaning , and more in his pronuntiation than his words . Occasion is his Cupid , and he hath but one receipt of making loue . He followes nothing but inconstancie , admires nothing but beautie , honours nothing but fortune . Loues nothing . The sustenance of his discourse is Newes , and his censure like a shot depends vpon the charging . He is not , if he be out of Court , but fish-like breathes destruction , if out of his owne element . Neither his motion , or aspect are regular , but he moues by the vpper Spheres , and is the reflection of higher substances .

If you finde him not heere , you shall in Paules , with a picke-tooth in his Hat , a cape cloke , and a long stocking .

A Golden Asse ,

IS a young thing , whose Father went to the Diuell ; he is followed like a salt bitch , and limb'd by him that gets vp first ; his disposition is cut , and knaues rent him like Tenter-hookes : he is as blinde as his mother , and swallowes flatterers for friends . He is high in his owne imagination ; but that imagination , as a stone , that is raised by violence , descends naturally : when he goes , he lookes who lookes : if he findes not good store of vailers , he comes home stiffe and seer , vntill he be new oyled and watered by his husbandmen . Wheresoeuer be eates he hath an officer , to warne men not to talke out of his element , and his owne is exceeding sensible , because it is sensuall ; but he cannot exchange a peece of reason , though he can a peece of gold . He is naught pluckt , for his feathers are his beauty , and more then his beautie , they are his discretion , his countenance , his All. He is now at an end , for hee hath had the Wolfe of vaine-glorie , which he fed , vntill himselfe became the food .

A Flatterer ,

IS the shadow of a Foole . Hee is a good wood-man , for he singleth out none but the wealthy . His carriage is euer of the colour of his patient ; and for his sake he will halt or weare a wry necke . He dispraiseth nothing but pouerty , and small drinke , and praiseth his grace of making water . Hee selleth himselfe , with reckoning his great Friends , and teacheth the present , how to winne his praise by reciting the others gifts : hee is ready for all imploiments , but especially before Dinner , for his courage and his stomacke go together . Hee will play any vpon his countenance , and where he cannot be admitted for a counseller , he will serue as a foole . Hee frequents the court of wards and ordinaries , and fits these guests of Togae virilis , with wiues or whoores . He entreth young men into acquaintance and debt books . In a word , he is the impression of the last terme , and will be so , vntill the comming of a new terme or termer .

An ignorant Glorie-hunter ,

IS an insectum animal ; for he is the maggot of opinion , his behauiour is anothing from himselfe , and is glewed , and but set on . He entertaines men with repetitions , and returnes them their owne words . He is ignorant of nothing , no not of those things , where ignorance is the lesser shame . He gets the names of good wits , and vtters them for his companions . He confesseth vices that he is guiltlesse of , if they be in fashion ; and dares not salute a man in old cloths , or out of fashion . There is not a publicke assembly without him , and he will take any paines for an acquaintance there . In any shew he will be one , though he be but a whistler , or a torch bearer ; and beares downe strangers with the story of his actions . He handles nothing that is not rare , and defends his wardrobe , diet , and all customes , with entitling their beginnings from Princes , great Souldiers and strange Nations . He dares speake more then he vnderstands , and aduentures his words without the reliefe of any seconds . Hee relates battels and skirmishes , as from an eye witnesse , when his eies theeuishly beguiled a ballad of them . In a word , to make sure of admiration , he will not let himselfe vnderstand himselfe , but hopes , fame and opinion will bee the Readers of his Riddles .

A Timist ,

IS a noune adiectiue of the present tense . He hath no more of a conscience then Feare , and his religion is not his but the Princes . Hee reuerenceth a Courtiers Seruants seruant . Is first his own Slaue , and then whosoeuer looketh big ; when he giues he curseth , and when hee fells he worships . He reades the statutes in his chamber , and weares the Bible in the streetes : he neuer praiseth any but before themselues or friends : and mislikes no great mans actions during his life . His new yeares gifts are ready at Alhalomas , and the sute he meant to mediate before them . He pleaseth the children of great men , and promiseth to adopt them ; and his curtesie extends it selfe euen to the stable . Hee straines to talke wisely , and his modesty would serue a Bride . He is grauity from the head to the foote ; but not from the head to the heart ; you may finde what place he affecteth , for he creepes as neere it as may be , and as passionately courts it ; if at any time his hopes are effected , he swelleth with them ; and they burst out too good for the vessell . In a word , he danceth to the tune of fortune , and studies for nothing but to keepe time .

An Amorist ,

IS a certaine blasted or planet-stroken , and is the dog that leades blinde Cupid ; when he is at the best , his fashion exceedes the worth of his weight . He is neuer without verses , and muske confects ; and sighs to the hazard of his buttons ; his eyes are all white , either to weare the liuery of his Mistris complexion , or to keepe Cupid from hitting the blacke . Hee fights with passion , and looseth much of his blood by his weapon ; dreames , thence his palenes . His armes are carefuly vsed , as it their best vse were nothing but embracements . He is vntrust , vnbuttoned , and vngartered , not out of carelesnesse , but care ; his farthest end being but going to bed . Sometimes he wraps his petition in neatnesse , but is goeth not alone ; for then he makes some other qualitie moralize his affection , and his trimnesse is the grace of that grace . Hir fauour lifts him vp , as the Sun moisture ; when she disfauours , vnable to hold that happinesse , it falls downe in teares ; his fingers are his Orators , and hee expresseth much of himselfe vpon some instrument . He answeres not , or not to the purpose ; and no maruell , for he is not at home . He scotcheth time with dancing with his Mistris , taking vp of her gloue , and wearing her feather ; hee is confinde to her colour , and dares not passe out of the circuit of her memory . His imagination is a foole , and it goeth in a pide-coat of red and white ; shortly , he is translated out of a man into folly ; his imagination is the glasse of lust , and himselfe the traitour to his owne discretion .

An Affectate Traueller

IS a speaking fashion ; hee hath taken paynes to be ridiculous ; and hath seen more then he hath perceiued . His attire speakes French or Italian , and his gate cryes , Behold me . Hee censures all things by countenances , and shrugs , and speaks his owne language with shame and lisping : he will choake rather then confesse Beere good drinke : and his pick-tooth is a maine part of his behauiour . Hee chuseth rather to be counted a Spie , then not a Politician : and maintaines his reputation by naming greatmen familiarly . He chuseth rather to tell lies , then not wonders , and talkes with men singly : his discourse sonnds big , but meanes nothing : & his Boy is bound to admire him howsoeuer . He comes still from great Personages , but goes with meane . He takes occasion to shew Iewels giuen him in regard of his vertue , that were bought in S. Martins : and not long after , hauing with a Mountebanks method , pronounced them woorth thousands , enpawneth them for a few shillings . Vpon festiuall dayes he goes to Court , and salutes without resaluting : at night in an Ordinary he canvasseth the businesse in hand , and seems as conuersant with all intents and plots , as if he begot them . His extraordinary account of men is , first to tell them the ends of all matters of consequence , and then to borrow money of them ; hee offereth courtefies , to shew them , rather then himselfe humble . Hee disdaines all things aboue his reach , and preferreth all Countries before his owne . Hee imputeth his wants and pouerty to the ignorance of the time , not his owne vnworthinesse : and concludes his discourse with halfe a period , or a word , and leaues the rest to imagination . In a word , his religion is fashion , and both bodie and soule are gouerned by fame , hee loues most voices aboue truth .

A Wise man

IS the truth of the true definition of man , that is , a reasonable creature . His disposition alters , alters not . Hee hides himselfe with the attire of the vulgar ; and in indifferent things is content to be gouerned by them . He lookes according to nature , so goes his behauiour . His minde enioyes a continuall smoothnesse : so commeth it , that his consideration is alwaies at home . He endures the faults of all men silently , except his friends , and to them he is the mirrour of their actions ; by this meanes his peace commeth not from fortune , but himselfe . He is cunning in men , not to surprize but keepe his owne , and bears off their ill affected hurnours , no otherwise then if they were flies . Hee chuseth not friends by the subsidy-booke , and is not luxurious after acquaintance . He maintaines the strength of his body , not by delicacies , but temperance ; and his minde by giuing it preheminence ouer his bodie . Hee vnderstands things not by their forme , but qualities ; and his comparisons intend not to excuse , but to prouoke him higher . He is not subiect to casualties , for Fortune hath nothing to do with the minde , except those drowned in the body : but he hath diuided his soule , from the case of his soule , whose weakenesse hee assists no otherwise then commiseratiuely , not that it is his , but that it is . He is thus , and will bee thus : and liues subiect neither to Time nor his frailties ; the seruant of vertue , and by vertue , the friend of the highest .

A Noble Spirit

HAth surueyed and fortified his disposition , and conuerts all occurrents into experience , betweene which experience and his reason , there is marriage ; the issue are his actions . He circuits his intents , and seeth the end before he shoot . Men are the instruments of his Art , and there is no man without his vse : occasion incites him , none enticeth him ; and he mooues by affection , not for affection ; he loues glory , scornes shame , and gouerneth and obeyeth with one countenance ; for it comes from one consideration . Hee cals not the varietie of the world chances , for his meditation hath trauelled ouer them ; and his eye mounted vpon his vnderstanding , seeth them as things vnderneath . Hee couers not his body with delicacies , nor excuseth these delicacies by his body , but teacheth it , since it is not able to defend its owne imbecillity , to shew or suffer . Hee licenceth not his weakenesse , to weare Fate , but knowing reason to bee no idle gift of Nature , hee is the Sreeres-man of his owne destiny . Truth is his Goddesse , and he takes paines to get her , not to look like her . He knowes the condition of the world , that he must act one thing like another , and then another . To these hee carries his desires , & not his desires him ; and stickes not fast by the way ( for that contentment is repentance ) but knowing the circle of all courses , of all intents , of all things , to haue but one center or period , without all distraction , he hasteth thither and ends there , as his true and naturall element . He doth not contemne Fortune , but not confesse her . Hee is no Gamester of the world ( which only complaine and praise her ) but being onely sensible of the honesty of actions , contemnes a particular profit as the excrement or scum . Vnto the society of men he is a Sunne , whose cleerenesse directs their steps in a regular motion : when he is more particular , hee is the wise mans friend , the example of the indifferent , the medicine of the vicious . Thus time goeth not from him , but with him : and he feeles age more by the strength of his soule , than the weakenesse of his body : thus feeles he no paine , but esteemes all such things as friends , that desire to file off his fetters , and help him out of prison .

An Olde Man

IS a thing that hath beene a man in his dayes . Olde men are to bee knowen blind-folded : for their talke is as terrible as their resemblance . They praise their own times as vehemently , as if they would sell them . They become wrinckled with frowning and facing youth ; they admire their old customes , euen to the eating of red herring , and going wetshod . They call the thumbe vnder the girdle , Grauity ; and because they can hardly smell at all , their Posies are vnder their girdles . They count it an Ornament of speech , to close the period with a cough ; and it is venerable , they say , to spend time in wiping their driueled beards . Their discourse is vnanswerable , by reason of their obstinacy : their speech is much , though little to the purpose . Trueths and lies passe with an equall affirmation , for their memories seuerall is wonne into one receptacle , and so they come out with one sense . They teach their seruants their duties with as much scorne and tyranny , as some people teach their dogs to fetch . Their enuy is one of their diseases . They put off and on their clothes , with that certainty , as if they knew , their heads would not direct them , and therefore Custome should . They take a pride in halting and going stiffely , and therefore their staues are carued and tipped : they trust their attire with much of their grauity ; and they dare not goe without a gowne in Summer . Their hats are brushed to draw mens eyes off from their faces ; but of all , their Pomandars are worne to most purpose , for their putrified breath ought not to want either a smell to defend , or a dog to excuse .

A Countrey Gentleman

IS a thing , out of whose corruption the generation of a Iustice of peace is produced . Hee speakes statutes and husbandry well enough , to make his neighbours thinke him a wise man ; hee is well skilled in Arithmeticke or rates : and hath eloquence enough to saue his two pence . His conuersation amongst his Tenants is desperate ; but amongst his equals full of doubt . His trauell is seldome farther then the next market towne , and his inquisition is about the price of Corne : when he trauelleth , he will goe ten mile out of the way to a Couzens house of his to saue charges ; and rewards the Seruants by taking them by the hand when hee departs . Nothing vnder a Sub-poena can draw him to London : and when hee is there , he stickes fast vpon euery obiect , casts his eyes away vpon gazing , and becomes the prey of euery Cut-purse . When hee comes home , those wonders serue him for his Holy-day talke . If hee goe to Court , it is in yellow stockings ; and if it be in Winter , in a slight taffetie cloake , and pumps and pantofles . He is chaind , that wooes the vsher for his comming into the presence , where hee becoms troublesome with the ill managing of his Rapier , and the wearing of his girdle of one fashion , and the hangers of another ; by this time he hath learned to kisse his hand , and make a Leg both together , and the names of Lords and Counsellours ; hee hath thus much toward entertainment and courtesie , but of the last hee makes more vse ; for by the recitall of my Lord , hee coniures his poor country-men . But this is not his element , he must home againe , being like a Dor , that ends his flight in a dunghill .

A Fine Gentle-man

IS the Cynamon tree , whose barke is more worth then his body . Hee hath read the Booke of good manners , and by this time each of his limbs may read it . He alloweth of no iudge , but the eye ; painting , boulstring , and bombasting are his Oratours : by these also hee prooues his industry : for hee hath purchased legs , haire , beautie , and straightnesse , more then nature left him . He vnlockes maiden-heads with his language , and speakes Euphues , not so gracefully as heartily . His discourse makes not his behauiour , but hee buies it at Court , as Countrey men their cloathes in Birchin-lane . Hee is somewhat like the Salamander , and liues in the flame of loue , which paines he expresseth comically : and nothing grieues him so much , as the want of a Poet to make an issue in his loue ; yet he sighs sweetly , and speakes lamentably : for his breath is perfumed , and his words are winde . He is best in season at Christmas ; for the Boares head and Reueller come together ; his hopes are laden in his quality : & left Fidlers should take him vnprouided , hee weares pumps in his pocket : and lest hee should take Fidlers vnprouided , he whistles his owne Galliard . He is a Calender of ten yeeres , and marriage rusts him . Afterwards he mainetaines himselfe an implement of houshold by caruing and vshering . For all this , he is iudiciall onely in Taylours and Barbers , but his opinion is euer ready , and euer idle . If you will know more of his acts , the Brokers shoppe is the witnesse of his valour , where lies wounded , dead , rent , and out of fashion , many a spruce Sute , ouerthrowen by his fantasticknesse .

An Elder Brother

IS a creature borne to the best aduantage of things without him , that hath the start at the beginning , but loyters it away before the ending . Hee lookes like his Land , as heauily , and durtily , as stubbornly . He dares doe any thing but fight ; and feares nothing but his fathers life and minority . The first thing hee makes known is his estate ; and the Loadstone that drawes him is the vpper end of the Table . Hee wooeth by a particular , and his strongest argument is the ioynture . His obseruation is all about the fashion , and hee commends Partlets for a rare deuise . He speakes no language , but smels of dogs or hawkes ; and his ambition flies Iustice-height . He loues to bee commended , and hee will goe into the Kitchin , but hee le haue it . He loues glory , but is so lazie , as hee is content with flattery . Hee speakes most of the precedency of age , and protests fortune the greatest vertue . He summoneth the old seruants , and tels what strange acts he wil doe when he raignes . He verily beleeues house-keepers the best common-wealths men ; and therefore studies baking , brewing , greasing , and such , as the limmes of goodnesse . He iudgeth it no small signe of wisdome to talke much ; his tongue therefore goes continually his errand , but neuer speeds . If his vnderstanding were not honester then his will , no man should keepe good conceit by him ; for hee thinkes it no theft , to fell all he can to opinion . His pedigree & his fathers seale-ring , are the stilts of his crazed disposition . He had rather keepe company with the dregs of men , then not to be the best man . His insinuation is the inuiting of men to his house ; and he thinks it a great modesty to comprehend his cheere vnder a peece of Mutton and a Rubet : if he by this time be not knowen , he will goe home againe : for he can no more abide to haue himself concealed , then his land ; yet he is as you see good for nothing , except to make a stallion to maintaine the race .

A Braggadochio Welchman

IS the Oyster , that the Pearle is in , for a man may be pickt out of him . He hath the abilities of the minde in Potentia , and actu nothing but boldnesse . His clothes are in fashion before his body ; and he accounts boldnesse the chiefest vertue . Aboue all men he loues an Herrald , and speakes pedigrees naturally . He accounts none well descended , that call him not Couzen ; and preferres Owen Glendower before any of the nine Worthies . The first note of his familiarity is the confession of his valour ; and so hee preuents quarrels . He vouchech Welch , a pure and vnconquered language , and courts Ladies with the story of their Chronicle . To conclude , he is precious in his owne conceit , and vpon S. Dauies day without comparison .

A Pedant

HE treads in a rule , and one hand scannes verses , and the other holds his Scepter . He dares not think a thought that the nominatiue case gouerns not the Verbe ; and hee neuer had meaning in his life , for he trauelled onely for words . His ambition is Criticisme , and his example Tully . Hee values phrases , and elects them by the sound , and the eight parts of speech are his Seruants . To be briefe , he is a Hetoroclite , for he wants the plurall number , hauing onely the single quality of words .

A Seruing-man

IS a creature , which though hee bee not drunke , yet is not his owne man . Hee tels without asking who ownes him , by the superscription of his Liuery . His life is , for ease and leisure , much about Gentleman-like . His wealth enough to suffice Nature , and sufficient to make him happy , if he were sure of it ; for he hath little , and wants nothing , hee values himselfe higher or lower , as his Master is . Hee hates or loues the Men , as his Master doth the Master . Hee is commonly proud of his Masters horses , or his Christmas ; he sleeps when he is sleepy , is of his religion , only the clock of his stomack is set to go an houre after his . He seldome breakes his owne clothes . He neuer drinkes but double , for hee must bee pledg'd ; nor commonly without some short sentence nothing to the purpose : and seldome abstaines till hee come to a thirst . His discretion is to be carefull for his Masters credit , & his sufficiency to marshall dishes at a Table , and to carue well . His neatnesse consists much in his haire and outward linnen . His courting language , visible bawdy iests ; and against his matter faile , he is alway ready furnished with a song . His inheritance is the Chamber-mayd , but often purchaseth his Masters daughter , by reason of opportunity , or for want of a better : he alwaies cuckolds himselfe , and neuer marries but his owne widdow . His Master being appeased , hee becomes a Retainer , and entailes himselfe and his posterity vpon his heire-males for euer .

An Host

IS the kernell of a Signe : or the Signe is the shell , & mine Host is the Snaile . He consists of double-beere and followship , and his vices are the bawds of his thirst . Hee enterraines humbly , and giues his Guests power , as well of himselfe as house . He answers all mens expections to his power , saue in the reckoning : and hath gotten the tricke of greatnesse , to lay all mislikes vpon his seruants . His wife is the Cummin-seed of his Doue-house ; and to bee a good Guest , is a warrant for her liberty . He traffiques for Guests by mens friends , friends-friend , and is sensible onely of his purse . In a word , hee is none of his owne : for hee neither eats , drinkes , or thinkes , but at other mens charges and appoyntments .

An Ostler

IS a thing that scrubbeth vireasonably his horse , reasonably himselfe . He consists of Trauellers , though he bee none himselfe . His highest ambition is to be Host , and the inuention of his signe is his greatest wit : for the expressing whereof he sends away the Painters for want of vnderstanding . Hee hath certaine charmes for a horse mouth , that he should not eat his hay : and behinde your backe , hee will cozen your horse to his face . His curry-combe is one of his best parts , for hee expresseth much by the gingling : and his mane-combe is a spinners card turn'd out of seruice . He puffes and blowes ouer your horse , to the hazard of a double Iugge : and leaues much of the dressing to the prouerb of Muli mutuo scabient , One horse rubs another . Hee comes to him that cals lowdest , not first ; hee takes a broken head patiently , but the knaue hee feeles not . His vtmost honesty is good fellowship , and he speakes Notherne , what country man soeuer . He hath a pension of Ale from the next smith and Sadler for intelligence . He loues to see you ride , & holds your stirrop in expectation .

A good Wife

IS a mans best mooueable , a scien incorporate with the stocke , bringing sweetfruit ; one that to her husband is more then a friend , lesse then trouble : an equall with him in the yoake . Calamities and troubles shee shares alike , nothing pleaseth her that doth not him . Shee is relatiue in all ; and hee without her , but halfe himselfe . She is his absent hands , eies , eares , and mouth : his present and absent All. She frames her nature vnto his howsoeuer : the Hiacinth followes not the Sunne more willingly . Stubbornenesse and obstinacy , are hearbes that grow not in her garden . She leaues tatling , to the gossips of the towne , and is more seen then heard : Her houshold is her charge , her care to that , makes her seldome non resident . Her pride is but to be cleanly , & her thrift not to be prodigal . By her discretion she hath children , notwantons ; a Husband without her , is a miserie in mans apparell : none but shee hath an aged husband , to whom she is both a staffe and a chaire . To conclude , shee is both wise and religious , which makes her all this .

A Melancholie man

IS a straier from the droue : one that nature made sociable , because shee made him man , and a crazed disposition hath altered . Impleasing to all , as all to him ; stragling thoughts are his content , they make him dreame waking , there 's his pleasure . His imagination is neuer idle , it keeps his minde in a continu all motion , as the poise the clocke : he windes vp his thoughts often , and as often vnwindes them ; Penelopes webbe thriues faster . Hel 'e seldome be found without the shade of some groue , in whose bottom a riuer dwells . He carries a cloud in his face , neuer faire weather : his outside is framed to his inside , in that he keepes a Decorum , both vnseemly . Speake to him , he heares with his eyes , eares follow his mind , and that 's not at leasure . Hee thinks businesse , but neuer does any : he is all contemplation , no action . He hewes and fashions his thoughts , as if he meant them to some purpose , but they proue vnprofitable , as a piece of wrought timber to no vse . His Spirits and the Sunne are enemies ; the Sunne bright and warme , his humor blacke and cold : varietie of foolish apparitions people his head , they suffer him not to breath , according to the necessities of nature ; which makes him sup vp a draught of as much aire at once , as would serue at thrice . Hee denies nature her due in sleepe , and ouer-paies her with watchfulnesse : nothing pleaseth him long , but that which pleaseth his owne fantasies : they are the consuming euills , and euill consumptions , that consume him aliue . Lastly , he is a man only in shew , but comes short of the better part ; a whole reasonable soule , which is mans chiefe preheminence , and sole marke from creatures sensible .

A Sailor

IS a pitcht peece of reason calkt and tackled , and onely studied to dispute with tempests . He is part of his owne Prouision , for he liues euerpickled . A fore-winde is the substance of his Creed ; and fresh water the burden of his prayers . He is naturally ambitious , for he is euer climing : out of which as naturally he feares ; for hee is euer flying : time and he are euery where , euer contending who shall ariue first : hee is well winded , for he tires the day , and out-runne darknesse . His life is like a Hawkes , the best part mewed ; and if he liue till three coates , is a Master . He sees Gods wonders in the deep : but so as rather they appeare his play-fellowes , then stirrers of his zeale : nothing but hunger and hard rockes can conuert him , and then but his vpper deck neither ; for his hold neither feares nor hopes . His sleeps are but repreeuals of his dangers , and when he awakes , t is but next stage to dying . His wisdome is the coldest part about him , for it euer points to the North : and it lyes lowest , which makes his valor euerie tide oreflow it . In a storme t is disputable , whether the noise be more his , or the Elements , and which will first leaue scolding ; on which side of the ship he may be saued best , whether his faith bee starre-bord faith , or lar-bord : or the helme at that time not all his hope of heauen : his keel is the Embleme of his conscience , till it be split hee neuer repents , then no farther then the land allowes him , and his language is a new confusion : and all his thoughts new nations : his bodie and his ship are both one burthen , nor is it known who stowes most wine , or rowles most , only the ship is guided , he has no sterne : a barnacle and hee are bred together both of one nature , and t is fear'd one reason : vpon any but a woodden horse hee cannot ride , and if the winde blow against him he dare not : hee swarues vp to his seat as to a saile yarde , and cannot sit vnlesse he beare a flag staffe : if euer he be broken to the saddle , t is but a voyage still , for hee mistakes the bridle for a bowlin , and is euer turning his horse taile : he can pray , but t is by rote , not faith , and when he would hee dares not , for his brackish beleefe hath made that ominous . A rocke or a quick sand plucke him before hee be ripe , else he is gathered to his friends at Wapping .

A Souldier

IS the husband-man of valour , his sword is his plough , which honor and aqua-vitae , two fiery mettald iades , are euer drawing . A younger brother best becomes Armes ; an elder , the thanks for them ; euery heat makes him a haruest : and discontents abroad are his Sowers : he is actiuely his Princes , but passiuely his angers seruant . Hee is often a desirer of learning , which once arriued at , proues his strongest armour : he is a louer at all points ; and a true defender of the faith of women : more wealth then makes him seeme a handsome foe , lightly he couets not , lesse is below him : he neuer truely wants , but in much hauing , for then his ease and letcherie afflict him : the word Peace , though in prayer , makes him start , and God he best considers by his power : hunger and cold ranke in the same file with him , and hold him to a man : his honour else , and the desire of doing things beyond him , would blow him greater then the sonnes of Anack . His religion is , commonly , as his cause is ( doubtfull ) and that the best devotion keeps best quarter : he seldom sees gray haires , some none at all , for where the sword failes , there the flesh giues fire : in charitie , he goes beyond the Clergy , for hee loues his greatest enemie best , much drinking . He seemes a full Student , for he is a great desirer of controuersies , he argues sharply , and carries his conclusion in his scabbard ; in the first resining of mankind this was the gold , his actions are his ammell . His alay ( for else you cannot worke him perfectly ) continuall duties , heauie and wearie marches , lodgings as full of neede as cold diseases . No time to argue , but to execute . Line him with these , and linke him to his squadrons , and he appeares a most rich chaine for Princes .

A Taylor

IS a creature made vp of shreds , that were pared off from Adam , when he was rough cast . The end of his Being differeth from that of others , and is not to serue God , but to couer sinne . Other mens pride is his best Patron , and their negligence , a maine passage to his profit . Hee is a thing of more then ordinary iudgement : For by vertue of that , he buieth land , buildeth houses and raiseth the lowe set roofe of his crosse legged Fortune . His actions are strong incounters , and for their notoriousnesse alwaies vpon Record . It is neither Amadic de Gaule , nor the Knight of the Sunne , that is able to resist them . A tenne groates fee setteth them on foote , and a brace of Officers bringeth them to execution . He handleth the Spanish Pike , to the hazard of many poore Egyptian vermins ; and in shew of his valour , scorneth a greater Gantlet , then will couer the toppe of his middle-finger . Of all weapons he most affecteth the long Bill , and this he will manage to the great preiudice of a Customers estate . His spirit notwithstanding is not so much as to make you thinke him man ; like a true mongrell , he neither bites nor barkes , but when your backe is towards him . His heart is a lumpe of congealed snow : Prometheus was a sleepe while it was making . He differeth altogether from God ; for with him the best peeces are still marked out for damnation , and without hope of recouery shal be cast downe into hell . Hee is partly an Alchimist ; for hee extracteth his owne apparell out of other mens clothes ; and when occasion serueth , making a Brokers shop his Alembike , can turne your silkes into gold , and hauing furnished his necessities , after a moneth or two , if he be vrg'd vnto it , reduce them againe to their proper substance . Hee is in part likewise an Arithmetician , cunning enough in Multiplication and addition , but cannot abide substraction : Summa totalis , is the Language of his Canaan ; & vsque ad vltimum quadrantem , the period of all his Charitie . For any skill in Geometrie , I dare not commend him ; For he could neuer yet finde out the dimensions of his owne conscience : Notwithstanding he hath many bottoms , it seemeth this is alwaies bottomlesse . He is double yarded , and yet his femall complaineth of want of measure . And so , with a Libera nos à malo ; I leaue you promising to amend whatsoeuer is a misse , at his next setting .

A Puritane

IS a diseas'd peece of Apocripha : binde him to the Bible , and hee corrupts the whole text : Ignorance , and fat feed , are his Founders ; his Nurses , Railing , Rabbies , and round breeches : his life is but a borrowed blast of winde ; For betweene two religions , as betweene two doores , he is euer whistling . Truly whose childe he is , is yet vnknown ; For willingly his faith allowes no Father : onely thus farre his pedegree is found , Bragger and he flourisht about a time first ; his fierie zeale keepes him continuall costiue , which withers him into his owne translation , and till hee eate a Schooleman , he is hidebound ; hee euer praies against Non Residents , but is himselfe the greatest discontinuer , for hee neuer keepes neere his text : any thing that the Law allowes , but Marriage , and March-beere , hee murmures at ; what it disallowes , and holdes dangerous , makes him a discipline . Where the gate standes open , he is euer seeking a stile : and where his Learning ought to climbe , he creepes through ; giue him aduice , you runne into Traditions , and vrge a modest course , he cries out Councels . His greatest care is , to contemne obedience , his last care to serue God , handsomely and clenly ; Hee is now become so crosse a kinde of teaching , that should the Church enioyne cleane shirts , he were lowsie : more sense then single praiers is not his ; nor more in those , then still the same petitions : from which hee either feares a learned Faith , or doubts God vnderstands not at first hearing . Shew him a Ring , he runs backe like a Beare ; and hates square dealing as allied to caps , a paire of Organs blow him out o' th Parish , and are the only glister pipes to coole him . Where the meate is best , there he confutes most , for his arguing is but the efficacy of his eating : good bits hee holds breedes good positions , and the Pope he best concludes against , in Plum-broth . He is often drunk , but not as we are , temporally , nor can his sleepe then cure him , for the fumes of his ambition make his very soule reele , and that small Beere that should alay him ( silence ) keepes him more surfeited , and makes his heate breake out in priuate houses : women and Lawyers are his best Disciples , the one next fruit , longs for forbidden Doctrine , the other to maintain forbidden titles , both which he sowes amongst them . Honest hee dare not be , for that loues order : yet if he can be brought to Ceremonie , & made but master of it , he is conuerted .

A Whoore

IS a hie way to the Diuell , hee that lookes vpon her with desire , begins his voiage : he that staies to talke with her , mends his pace , and who enioies her is at his iourneis end : Her body is the tilted Lees of pleasure , dasht ouer with a little decking to hold colour : tast her , she 's dead , and fals vpon the pallate ; the sins of other women shew in Landscip , far off and full of shadow ; hers in Statue , neere hand , and bigger in the life : she prickes betimes , for her stocke is a white thorne , which cut & grafted on , she growes a Medler : Her trade is opposite to any other , for she sets vp without credit , and too much custome breakes her ; The mony that she gets is like a traitors , giuen only to corrupt her , and what she gets , serues but to pay diseases . She is euer moo'rd in sinne , and euer mending , and after thirty , she is the Chirurgians creature ; shame and Repentance are two strangers to her , and only in an hospitall acquainted : she liues a Reprobate , like Caine , still branded , finding no habitation but her feares , and flies the face of Iustice like a Fellon . The first yeare of her trade she is an Eyesse scratches and cries to draw on more , affection : the second Soare : the third a Ramage whoore : the fourth and fifth , she 's an intermewer , preies for her selfe , and ruffles all she reaches ; from thence to tenne shee beares the name of white whoore , for then her bloud forsakes her with salt Rheumes , and now shee has mewd three coates ; Now shee growes weary and diseas'd together , fauours her wing , checkes little , but lies for it , bathes for her health , & scoures to keepe her coole , yet still she takes in stones , she fires her selfe else : the next remoue is Haggard , stil more cunning ; and if my art deceiue mee not , more crazie . All cares and cures are doubled now vpon her , and line her perch , or now she mews her pounces , at all these yeares shee flies at fooles and kils too : the next is Bussard Bawde , and there I leaue her .

A very Whoore

IS a woman . She enquires out all the great meetings , which are medicines for her itching . She kisseth open mouth'd , and spits in the palmes of her hands to make them moist . Her eies are like free-booters liuing vpon the spoile of stragglers ; and she baites her desires with a million of postitute countenances , and entisements ; In the light she listneth to Parlies : but in the darke she vnderstands signes best . She will sell her smocke for Cuffes , and so her shoes be fine , she cares not though her stockings want feet . Hers modesty is curiositie , and her smell is one of her best ornaments . She passeth not a span breadth . And to haue done , she is the Cooke and the meate dressing , her selfe all day , to bee tasted with the better appetite at night .

A meere Common Lawyer

IS the best shadow to make a discreet one shew the fairer . He is a Materia prima informed by reports , actuated by Statutes , and hath his Motion by the fauourable Intelligence of the Court . His Law is alwaies furnisht with a Commission to arraigne his Conscience : but vpon iudgement giuen he vsually sets it at large . He thinks no language worth knowing but his Barragoüin . Onely for that point hee hath been a long time at warres with Priscian for a Northerne Prouince . He imagines that by superexcellencie his profession only is learning , and that its a prophanation of the temple to his Themis dedicated , if any of the liberall Arts be there admitted to offer strange incense to Her . For indeed he is all for money . Seuen or eight yeares squires him out , some of his Nation lesse standing : and euer since the Night of his Call , he forgot much what he was at dinner . The next morning his man ( in Actu or potentia ) enioies his pickadels . His Landresse is then shrewdly troubled in fitting him a Ruffe ; His perpetuall badge . His loue letters of the last yeare of his Gentlemanship are stuft with Discontinuances , Remitters , and Vncore prists : but now being enabled to speake in proper person , hee talkes of a French hood , insteede of a Iointure , wages his law , and ioines issue . Then he begins to sticke his letters in his ground Chamber window ; that so the superscription may make his Squire-ship transparent . His Heraldry giues him place before the Minister , because the Law was before the Gospell . Next termne hee walkes his hoopsleeue gowne to the Hall ; there it proclaimes him . He feedes fat in the Reading , and till it chances to his turn , dislikes no house order so much , as that the month is so contracted to a fortnight , Mongst his countrey neighbours , he arrogates asmuch honor for being Reader of an Inne of Chancery , as if it had been of his owne house . For they , poore soules , take Law and Conscience , Court and Chancery for all one . He learnd to frame his Cases from putting Riddles and imitating Merlins Prophesies , and so set all the Crosse row together by the eares . Yet his whole Law is not able to decide Lucians one olde controuersie twixt Tau and Sigma . Hee accounts no man of his Cap and coate idle , but who trots not the Circuit . Hee affects no life or qualitie for it selfe , but for gaine ; and that at least , to the stating him in a Iustice of peaceship , which is the first quickning soule superadded to the elementary and inanimate forme of his new Title . His termes are his wiues vacations . Yet shee then may vsurpe diuers Court-daies , and hath her Returnes in Mensem , for writs of entry ; often shorter . His vacations are her Termers . But in Assise time ( the circuit being long ) he may haue a triall at home against him by Nisi Prius . No way to heauen , he thinkes , so wife , as through West-minster Hall ; and his Clarkes commonly through it visit both heauen and hell . Yet then he oft forgets his iourneis end , although he looke on the Starre-Chamber . Neither is hee wholie destitute of the Arts. Grammer he hath , enough to make terminations of those words which his authoritie hath endenizon'd . Rhetorike some ; but so little , that its thought a concealement . Logike enough to wrangle . Arithmetike enough for the Ordinals of his yecre-bookes , and number-rolls : but he goes not to Multiplication ; there 's a Statute against it . So much Geometrie , that hee can aduice in a Perambulatione facienda ; or a Rationalibus diuisis . In Astronomie and Astrologie he is so far seene , that by the Dominicall latter , he knowes the Holy-dayes , and finds by Calculation that Michaelmas Terme will be long and dirty . Marry , he knowes so much in Musique , that he affects onely the most and cunningest Discords ; rarely a perfect Concord , especially song , except in fine . His skill in Perspectiue endeauours much to deceiue the eye of the Lawe , and giues many false colours . He is specially practised in Necromancie , ( such a kinde as is out of the Statute of Primo ) by raising many dead Questions . What sufficiency he hath in Criticisme , the fowle Copies of his Speciall Pleas will tell you .

Many of the same coat , which are much to bee honoured , partake of diuers of his indifferent qualities , but so , that Discretion , Vertue , and sometimes other good learning , concurring and distinguishing Ornaments to them , make them as a foyle , to set their worth on .

A Meere Scholler .

A Meere Sholler is an intelligible Asse : Or a silly fellow in blacke , that speakes Sentences more familiarly then Sense . The Antiquity of his Vniuersity is his Creed , and the excellency of his Colledge ( though but for a match at Foot-ball ) an Article of his faith : he speakes Latine better then his Mother-tongue ; and is a stranger in no part of the World , but his owne Countrey : he do's vsually tell great stories of himself to small purpose , for they are commonly ridiculous , be they true or false : his Ambition is , that hee either is , or shall be a Graduate : but if euer he get a Fellowship , hee ha's then no fellow . Inspite of all Logick he dare sweare and mainetaine it , that a Cuckold and a Towns-man are Termini Conuertibiles , though his Mothers husband bee an Alderman : he was neuer begotten ( as it seemes ) without much wrangling ; for his whole life is spent in Pro & Contrae his tongue goes alwaies before his wit , like a Gentleman-vsher , but somewhat faster . That he is a compleat Gallant in all points , Cap a pea ; witnesse his horsemanship , and the wearing of his weapons : hee is commonly long-winded , able to speake more with ease , then any man can endure to heare with patience . Vniuersity iests are his vniuersall discourse , and his newes the demeanor of the Proctors : his Phrase , the apparell of his mind , is made vp of diuers shreds like a Cushion , and when it goes plainest't hath a Rash outside , and Fustian linings . The currant of his speech is clos'd with an Ergô ; and what euer be the question , the trueth is on his side . T is a wrong to his reputation to bee ignorant of any thing ; and yet he knowes not that hee knowes nothing : hee giues directions for husbandry from Virgils Georgicks ; for Cattell from his Bucolicks ; for Warlike Stratagems , from his AEneides , or Caesars Commentaries : hee orders all things by the Booke , is skilfull in all trades , and thriues in none : he is led more by his eares then his vnderstanding , taking the sound of words for their true sense : and do's therefore confidently beleeue , that Erra Pater was the Father of hereticks , Rodolphus Agricola , a substantiall Farmer ; and will not sticke to auerre , that Systema's Logicke doth excell Keckermans : his ill lucke is not so much in being a foole , as in being put to such paines to expresse it to the world : for what in others is naturall , in him ( with much adoe ) is artificiall : his pouerty is his happinesse , for it makes some men beleeue , that hee is none of fortunes fauorites . That learning which hee hath , was in Non-age put in backeward like a Glister , and 't is now like Ware mislayd in a Pedlers packe ; a ha's it , but knowes not where it is . In a word , hee is the Index of a man , and the Title-page of a Scholler , or a Puritane in morality , much in profession , nothing in practise .

A Tinker

IS a mooueable : for hee hath no abiding place ; by his motion he gathers heat , thence his chollericke nature . He seemes to bee very deuout , for his life is a continuall Pilgrimage , and sometimes in humility goes barefoot , therein making necessity a vertue . His house is as ancient as Tubal-Caines , and so is a runnagate by antiquity : yet hee prooues himselfe a Gallant , for he carries all his wealth vpon his backe ; or a Philosopher , for hee beares all his substance about him . From his Art was Musicke first inuented , and therefore is hee alwayes furnisht with a song : to which his hammer keeping tune , prooues that he was the first founder of the Kettle-drumme . Note that where the best Ale is , there stands his musicke most vpon crotchets . The companion of his trauels is some soule sunne-burnt Queane , that since the terrible Statute recanted Gypsisme , and is turned Pedleresse . So marches he all ouer England with his bag and baggage . His conuersation is vnreprooueable ; for he is euer mending . He ob●erues truely the Statutes , and therefore he had rather steale then begge , in which he is vnremooueably constant in spight of whips or imprisonment : and so strong an enemy to idlenesse , that in mending one hole , he had rather make three then want work ; and when hee hath done , hee throwes the Wallet of his faults behinde him . Hee embraceth naturally ancient customes , conuersing in open fields , and lowly Cottages . If hee visit Cities or Townes , t is but to deale vpon the imperfections of our weaker vessels . His tongue is very voluble , which with Canting prooues him a Linguist . Hee is entertain'd in euery place , but enters no further then the doore , to auoid suspicion . Some would take him to be a Coward ; but beleeue it , hee is a Lad of mettle , his valour is commonly three or fower yards long , fastned to a pike in the end for flying off . Hee is very prouident , for he will fight but with one at once , and then also hee had rather submit then bee counted obstinate . To conclude , if he scape Tiburne and Banbury , he dies a begger .

An Apparatour

IS a Chick of the Egge Abuse , hatcht by the warmth of authority : he is a bird of rapine , and beginnes to prey , and feather together . He croakes like a Rauen against the death of rich men , and so gets a Legacy vnbequeat'd : his happinesse is in the multitude of children , for their increase is his wealth ; and to that end , hee himselfe yeerely addes one . He is a cunning hunter , vncouping his intelligencing hounds , vnder hedges , in thickets , and corn-fields , who follow the chase to City-Suburbs , where often his game is at couert : his quiuer hangs by his side , stuft with siluer arrowes , which hee shoots against Church-gates , and priuate mens dores , to the hazard of their purses and credit . There went but a paire of sheeres , betweene him and the Pursiuant of Hell , for they both delight in sin , grow richer by it , and are by iustice appointed to punish it : onely the Diuell is more cunning , for hee pickes a Liuing out of others gaines . His liuing lieth in his eyes , which ( like spirits ) hee sends through chinckes , and key-holes , to suruey the places of darkenesse ; for which purpose , he studieth the opticks , but can discouer no colour but blacke , for the pure white of chastity dazleth his eyes . He is a Catholike , for hee is euery where ; and with a Politicke , for he transformes himselfe into all shapes . He trauels on foot to auoid idlenesse , and loues the Church entirely , because it is the place of his edification . He accounts not all sinnes mortall ; for fornication with him is a veniall sinne , and to take bribes a matter of charity : hee is collector for burnings , and losses ar Sea , and in casting account , can readily subtract the lesser from the greater summe . Thus liues he in a golden age , till death by a processe , summons him to appeare .

An Almanacke-maker

IS the worst part of an Astronomer : a creature compact of figures , characters , and cyphers : out of which he scores the fortune of a yeere , not so profitably , as doubtfully . He is tenant by custome to the Planets , of whom he holds the 12. Houses by lease parol : to them he payes yeerely rent , his study , and time ; yet lets them out again ( with all his heart ) for 40 . s . per annum . His life is meerely contemplatiue : for his practise , t is woorth nothing , at least not worthy of credit ; & ( if by chance ) he purchase any , hee loseth it againe at the yeeres end , for time brings truth to light . Ptolomy and Ticho-Barche are his Patrons , whose volumes he vnderstands not , but admires ; and the rather because they are Strangers , and so easier to bee credited , then controul'd . His life is vpright , for he is alwaies looking vpward ; yet dares beleeue nothing aboue Primium mobile , for t is out of the reach of his Iacobs Staffe . His charity extends no further then to Mountebanks and Sow-gelders , to whom hee bequeathes the seasons of the yeere , to kill or torture by . The verses in his Booke haue a worse pace then euer had Rochester Hackney : for his Prose , 't is dappled with Inke-borne tearmes , and may serue for an Almanacke : but for his iudging at the vncertainty of weather , any old Shepheard shall make a Dunce of him . He would bee thought the Diuels Intelligencer for stoln goods : if euer he steale out of that quality , as a flie turnes to a Maggot , so the corruption of the cunning-man is the generation of an Empiricke : his workes flye foorth in small volumes yet not all , for many ride post to Chaundlers and Tobacco shops in Folio . To be briefe , he fals three degrees short of his promises ; yet is hee the Key to vnlocke Termes , and Law-dayes , a dumbe Mercury to point out high-wayes , and a Bayliffe of all Marts and Faires in England . The rest of him you shall know next yeere ; for what hee will be then , hee himselfe knowes not .

An Hypocrite

IS a gilded Pill , compos'd of two vertuous ingredients , Naturall dishonesty , and Artificiall dissimulation . Simple Fruit , Plant or Drug , he is none , but a deformed mixture , bred betwixt Euill Nature and false Art , by a monstrous generation ; and may well bee put into the reckoning of those creatures that God neuer made . In Church or common-wealth , ( For in both these this Mongrell-weed will shoote ) it is hard to say whether he be Physicke or a Disease : for he is both , in diures respects .

As he is gilt with an out side of Seeming purity , or as he offreth himselfe to you to be taken downe in a cup or taste of Golden zeale and Simplicity , you may call him physicke . Nay , and neuer let potion giue Patient good stoole , if being truely tasted and rellisht , hee be not as loathsome to the stomacke of any honest man .

He is also Physicke , in being as commodious for vse , as he is odious in taste , if the Body of the company into which he is taken , can make true vse of him . For the malice of his nature makes him so Informer-like-dangerous , in taking aduantage , of any thing done or sayde : yea , euen to the ruine of his makers , if hee may haue Benefit ; that such a creature in a society makes men as carefull of their speeches and actions , as the sight of a known Cut-purse in a throng , makes them watchfull ouer their purses and pockets : he is also in this respect profitable Physicke , that his conuersation beeing once truely tasted and discouered , the hatefull foulnesse of it will make those that are not fully like him , to purge all such Diseases as are ranke in him , out of their owne liues ; as the sight of some Citizens on horse-backe , makes a iudicious man amend his own faults in horsemanship . If none of these vses can bee made of him , let him not long offend the stomacke of your company ; your best way is to spue him out . That he is a Disease in the body where hee liueth , were as strange a thing to doubt , as whether there bee knauery in Horse-coursers . For , if amongst Sheep , the rot ; amongst Dogs , the mange ; amongst Horses , the glaunders ; amongst Men and Women , the Northerne itch , and the French Ache bee diseases ; an Hypocrite cannot but be the like in all States and Societies that breede him . If he be a Cleargy Hypocrite , then all manner of vice is for the most part so proper to him , as hee will grudge any man the practise of it but himselfe ; like that graue Burgesse , who being desired to lend his cloathes to represent a part in a Comedy , answered ; No , by his leaue , he would haue no body play the foole in his cloathes but himselfe . Hence are his so austere reprehensions of drinking healths , lasciuious talke , vsury and vnconscionable dealing ; when as himselfe hating the profane mixture of malt & water , will by his good will let nothing come within him , but the purity of the Grape , when he can get it of anothers cost : But this must not bee done neither , without a preface of seeming lothnesse , turning vp the eyes , mouing the head , laying hand on the brest , and protesting that he would not doe it , but to strengthen his body , being euen consumed with dissembled zeale , and tedious and thankelesse babling to God and his Auditors , And for the other vices , doe but venture the making your selfe priuate with him , or trusting of him , & if you come off without a sauor of the aire which his soule is infected with , you hane great fortune . The fardle of all this ware that is in him , you shall commonly see carried vpon the backe of these two beasts , that liue within him , Ignorance and imperiousnesse : and they may well serue to cary other vices , for of themselues they are insuppportable . His Ignorance acquites him of all science , humane or diuine , and of all Language , but his mothers ; holding nothing pure , holy , or sincere , but the senselesse collections of his owne crazed braine , the zealous fumes of his inflamed spirit , and the endlesse labors of his eternall tong ; the motions wherof , when matter and words faile , ( as they often doe ) inust be patched vppe , to accomplish his foure houres in a day at the least , with long and seruent hummes . Any thing else , either for language or matter hee cannot abide , but thus censureth : Latine , the language of the Beast ; Greeke , the tongue wherin the Heathen Poets wrote their fictions ; Hebrue the speech of the Iewes , that crucified Christ : Controuersies doe not edifie , Logique and Phylosophy , are the subtilties of Sathan , to deceiue the Simple , Humane stories prefane , and not sauouring of the Spirit ; In a word , all decent and sensible forme of Speech and perswasion ( though in his owne tongue ) vaine Ostentation . And all this , is the burthen of his Ignorance : sauing that sometimes Idlenesse will put in also , to beare a part of the baggage .

His other Beast Imperiousnesse , is yet more proudly loaden , it carrieth a burthen , that no cords of Authoritie , Spirituall , nor Temporall should binde , if it might haue the full swinge : No Pilate , no Prince should command him : Nay , he will command them , and at his pleasure censure them , if they will not suffer their eares to bee fettered with the long chaines of his tedious collations , their purses to be emptied with the inundations of his vnsatiable humor , and their iudgements to bee blinded with the muffler of his zealous Ignorance . For this doth he familiarly insult ouer his Maintainer that breedes him , his Patrone that feedes him , and in time ouer all them that will suffer him to set a foote within their doores , or put a finger in their purses . All this , and much more is in him , that abhorring Degrees and Vniuer sities , as reliques of Superstition , hath leapt from a Shop-bord , or a Cloke-bag , to a Deske , or Pulpit , and that like a Sea god in a Pageant , hath the roten laths of his culpable life , and palpable ignorance , couered ouer with the painted cloth of a pure gown , and a night-cap ; and with a false Trumpet of Fained-zeale , draweth after him some poore Nymphes and Madmen , that delight more to resort to darke Caues and secret places , then to open and publike assemblies . The Lay-Hypocrite , is to the other a Champion , Disciple and Subiect ; and will not acknowledge the Tithe of the Subiection , to any Miter , no , not to any Scepter , that he will do to the hooke & crooke of his zeale-blinde Shepheard . No Iesuites demand more blinde and absolute obedience from their vassals ; no Magistrates of the Canting societie , more flauish subiection from the members of that trauelling state , then the Clerke Hypocrites expect from these lay Pupils . Nay , they must not onely be obeyed , fedde , and defended , but admired too : and that their Lay followers do as sincerely , as a shirtlesse fellow with a Cudgell vnder his arme doth a face-wringing Ballet-singer ; a Water-bearer on the floore of a Play-house , a wide-mouth'de Poet , that speakes nothing but bladders & bumbast . Otherwise , for life and profession , nature and Art , inward and outword , they agree in all , like Canters and Gypsies : they are all zeale , no knowledge ; All puritie , no humanitie ; all simplicitie , no honestie : and if you neuer trust them they will neuer deceiue you .

A Maquerela , in plain English , a Bawd

IS an old Char-cole , that hath beene burnt her selfe , and therefore is able to kindle a whole green Coppice . The burden of her song is like that of Fryer Bacons Head ; Time is , Time was , and Time is past : in repeating which , she makes a wicked brazen face , & weepes in the Cuppe , to alay the heate of her Aqua-vitae . Her teeth are falne out ; mary her Nose , and chin , intend very shortly to be friends , and meete about it . Her yeeres are sixty and odde : that she accounts her best time of trading ; for a Bawde is like a Medlar , shee 's not ripe , till the be rotten . Her enuie is like that of the Diuell ; To haue all faire women like her ; and because it is impossible they should catch it being so young , she hurries them to it by diseases . Her Parke is a villanous barren ground ; and all the Deere in it are Rascall : yet poore Cottagers in the Countrey ( that know her but by heare say ) thinke well of her ; for what she incloses to day , she makes Common to morrow . Her goods and her selfe are all remou'd in one sort , onely shee makes bold to take the vpper hand of them , and to be Carted before them ; the thought of which , makes her thee cannot endure a posset , because it puts her in minde of a Bason . She sits continually at a rackt Rent ; especially , if her Landlord beare office in the Parish : for her moueables in the house ; ( besides her quicke cattell ) they are not worth an Inuentory , onely her beds are most commonly in print : shee can easily turne a sempstresse , into a waiting gentle woman , but her Warde-robe is most infectious , for it brings them to the Falling-sicknesse : she hath only this one shew of Temperance , that let a Gentleman send for tenne pottles of wine in her house , hee shall haue but tenne quarts ; and if he want it that way , let him pay for 't , and take it out in stewde prunes . The Iustices Clarke standes many times her very good friend : and workes her peace with the Iustice of Quorum . Nothing ioies her so much as the comming ouer of Strangers , nor daunts her so much as the approach of Shroue-tuesday . In fine , not to foule more paper with so foule a subiect , hee that hath past vnder her , hath past the Equinoctiall ; He that hath scap't her , hath scap't worse then the Calenture .

A Chamber-Maide ,

SHe is her Mistresses she Secretarie , and keepes the box of her teeth , her haire , and her painting , very priuate . Her industrie is vp-stares , and downestaires like a drawer : and by her drie hand you may know she is a sore starcher . If she lie at her Masters beds feete she is quit of the Greene-sicknesse fore euer ; For shee hath terrible dreames when she is awake , as if she were troubled with the night Mare . She hath a good liking to dwellith Countrey , but she holds London , the goodliest Forrest in England , to shelter a great Bellie . She reades Greenes workes ouer and ouer , but is so carried away with the Myrrour of Knighthood , she is many times resolud to run out of her selfe , and become a Lady Errant . If she catch a clap , shee diuides it so equally between the Master and the Seruingman , as if she had cut out the getting of it by a Threed : onely the knaue Sumner makes her bowle booty , and ouer-reach the Master . The pedant of the house , though he promise her Marriage , cannot grow further inward with her , she hath paide for her credulitie often , & now growes wearie . She likes the forme of our marriage very well , in that a woman is not tied to answere to any Articles concerning question of her virginitie : Her minde , her body , and Clothes , are parcels loosely tackt together , and for want of good vtterance , she perpetually laughes out her meaning . Her Mistris and shee helpe to make away Time , to the idlest purpose that can be , either for loue or money . In briefe , these Chambermaides are like Lotteries : you may draw twenty , ere one worth any thing .

A Precisian .

TO speake no otherwise of this varnisht Rottennesse then in truth and verity he is , I must define him to be a demure Creature , full of orall Sanctitie , and mentall impietie ; a faire obiect to the eye , but starke nought for the vnderstanding : or else a violent thing , much giuen to contradiction . He will be sure to be in opposition with the Papist , though it be sometimes accompanied with an absurdity ; like the Ilanders neere adioyning vnto China , who salute by putting off their shooes , because the men of China do it by their hats . If at any time he fast , it is vpon Sunday , and he is sure to feast vpon Friday . He can better afford you tenne lies , then one oath , and dare commit any sinne gilded with a pretence of sanctitie . He will not sticke to commit fornieation or Adulterie , so it be done in the feare of God , and for the propagation of the godly ; and can finde in his hart to lie with any whore , saue the whore of Babylon . To steale he holds it lawfull , so it bee from the wicked and AEgyptians . He had rather see Antichrist , then a picture in the Church window : and chuseth sooner to be halfe hanged , then see a legge at the name of IESVS , or one stand at the Creede . He conceiues his praier in the kitchin , rather then in the Church , and is of so good discourse , that hee dares challenge the Almighty , to talke with him ex tempore . He thinkes euery Organist is in the state of damnation , and had rather heare one of Robert Wisdoms psalmes , then the best Hymne a Cherubin can sing . He will not breake winde without an Apologie , or asking forgiuenesse , nor kisse a Gentlewoman for feare of lusting after her . He hath nicknamde all the Prophets and Apostles with his Sonnes , and begers nothing but Vertues for Daughters . Finally , he is so sure of his saluation , that he will not change places in heauen , with the Virgin Marie , without boote .

An Innes of Court man .

HE is distinguished from a Scholler by a paire of silke stockings , and a Beauer Hat , which makes him contemne a Scholler as much as a Scholler doth a Scholemaster . By that he hath heard one mooting , and seen two plaies , he thinkes as basely of the Vniuersity , as a young Sophister doth of the Grammer-schoole . He talkes of the Vniuersity , with that state , as if he were her Chancellour ; finds fault with alterations , and the fall of Discipline , with an It was not so when I was a Student ; although that was within this halfe yeare . He will talke ends of Latine , though it be false , with as great confidence , as euer Cicero could pronounce an Oration , though his best authors for 't , be Tauerns & Ordinaries . He is as farre behinde a Courtier in his fashion , as a scholler is behinde him : and the best grace in his behauiour , is to forget his acquaintance .

Hee laughes at euery man whose Band sits not well , or that hath not a faire shoo-ty , and he is ashamed to be seene in any mans company that weares not his clothes well . His very essence he placeth in his outside , and his chiefest prayer is , that his reuenues may hold out for Taffata cloakes in the Summer , and veluet in the winter . For his recreation , hee had rather go to a Citizens Wife , then a Bawdy-house , only to saue charges : and hee holds Fee-taile to bee absolutely the best Tenure . To his acquaintance hee offers two quarts of wine , for one hee giues . You shall neuer see him melancholie , but when he wants a newe Suite , or feares a Seriant : At which times only , he betakes himselfe to Ploydon . By that hee hath read Littleton , he can call Solon , Licurgus , and Iustinian , fooles , and dares compare his Law to a Lord Chiefe-iustices .

A meere Fellow of an House .

HE is one whose Hopes commonly exceed his Fortunes , & whose minde soares aboue his purse . If hee hath read Tacitus , Guicchardine , or Gallo-Belgicus , hee contemnes the late Lord-Treasurer , for all the State-policie hee had ; and laughes to think what a foole he could make of Salomon , if hee were now aliue . Hee neuer weares new cloathes , but against a commencement or a good time , and is commonly a degree behinde the fashion . Hee hath sworne to see London once a yeare , though all his busines be to see a play , walke a turne in Paules , and obserue the fashion . He thinkes it a discredit to bee out of debt , which hee neuer likely cleeres , without resignation money . He will not leaue his part hee hath in the priuiledge ouer yong Gentlemen , in going bare to him , for the Empire of Germany ; He praies as heartily for a Sealing , as a Cormorant doth for a deare yeare : yet commonly hee spends that reuenue before he receiues it .

At meales , he sits in as great state ouer his Penny-Commons , as euer Vitellius did at his greatest Banquet : and takes great delight in comparing his fare to my Lord Mayors .

If he be a leader of a Faction , hee thinkes himselfe greater then euer Caesar was , or the Turke at this day is . And he had rather loose an Inheritance then an Office , when hee stands for it .

If he be to trauell , hee is longer furnishing himselfe for a siue miles iourney , then a ship is rigging for a seuen yeares voyage . Hee is neuer more troubled , then when he is to maintain talke with a Gentle-woman : wherein he commits more absurdities , then a clowne in eating of an egge .

Hee thinkes himselfe as fine when he is in a cleane Band , and a new paire of shooes , as any Courtier doth , when he is first in a New-fashion .

Lastly , hee is one that respects no man in the Vniuersitie , and is respected by no man out of it .

A worthy Commander in the Warres .

IS one that accounts learning the nourishment of military vertue , and layes that as his first foundation . He neuer bloudies his sword but in hear of battell ; and had rather saue one of his owne Souldiers , then kill ten of his enemies . He accounts it an idle , vaine-glorious , and suspected bounty , to bee full of good words ; his rewarding therfore of the deseruer arriues so timely , that his liberality can neuer bee sayd to be gouty handed . He holds it next his Creed , that no Coward can be an honest man , and dare die in 't . Hee doth not think his body yeelds a more spreading shadowe after a victory then before ; and when he lookes vpon his enemyes dead body , t is with a kinde of noble heauinesse , not insultation ; hee is so honourably mercifull to women in surprisall , that onely , that makes him an excellent Courtier . He knowes the hazards of battels , not the pompe of Ceremonies , are Souldiers best Theaters , and striues to gain reputation not by the multitude , but by the greatnes of his actions . Hee is the first in giuing the charge , and the last in retiring his foot . Equall toile he endures with the Common Souldier , from his example they all take fire as one Torch lights many . He vnderstands in warre , there is no meane to erre twice ; the first , and least fault beeing sufficient to ruine an Army : faults therefore he pardons none , they that are presidents of disorder or mutiny , repaire it by being examples of his Iustice . Besiege him neuer so strictly , so long as the aire is not cut from him , his heart faints not . He hath learned aswell to make vse of a victory as to get it , and in pursuing his enemy like a whirlewinde carries all afore him ; being assured if euer a man will benefit himselfe vpon his foe , then is the time , when they haue lost force , wisedome , courage and reputation . The goodnesse of his cause is the speciall motiue to his valour ; neuer is hee knowen to slight the weakest enemy that comes arm'd against him in the hand of Iustice . Hasty and ouermuch heat he accounts the Step-dame to all great actions , that wil not suffer them to thriue ; if he cannot ouercome his enemy by force , he does it by Time . If euer hee shake hands with warre , hee can die more calmely then most Courtiers , for his continuall dangers haue beene as it were so many meditations of death ; hee thinkes not out of his owne calling , when he accounts life a continuall warfare , and his prayers then best become him when armed Cap a pea . He vtters them like the great Hebrew Generall , on horsebacke . Hee casts a smiling contempt vpon Calumnie , it meets him as if Glasse should encounter Adamant . He thinkes warre is neuer to be giuen ore , but on one of these three conditions : an assured peace , absolute victory , or an honest death . Lastly , when peace folds him vp , his filuer head should leane neere the golden Scepter , and die in his Princes bosome .

A vaine-glorious Coward in Command ,

IS one that hath bought his place , or come to it by some Noble-mans letrer , hee loues a life dead payes , yet wishes they may rather happen in his Company by the scuruy , then by a battell . View him at a muster , and he goes with such noise , as if his body were the wheelebarrow that carried his iudgement rumbling to drill his Souldiers . No man can worse define betweene Pride and noble Courtesie : hee that salutes him not as farre a Pistol carries leuell , giues him the disgust or affront , chuse you whether . He traines by the booke , and reckons so many postures of the Pike and Musket , as if hee were counting at Noddy . When hee comes at first vpon a Camisado , he lookes like the foure windes in painting , as if hee would blow away the enemy ; but at the very first onset suffers feare & trembling to dresse themselues in his face apparantly . He scorns any man should take place before him : yet at the entring of a breach , he hath been so humble minded , as to let his Lieutenant lead his Troopes for him . He is so sure armed for taking hurt , that he seldome does any : and while hee is putting on his Armes , he is thinking what summe hee can make to satisfie his ransome . He will rail openly against all the great Commanders of the aduerse party , yet in his owne conscience allowes them for better men : such is the nature of his feare , that contrary 〈◊〉 all other filthy qualities , it make him thinkes better of another man then himselfe . The first part of him that is set a running , is his Eye-sight : when that is once struck with terrour , all the Costiue Physicke in the world cannot stay him ; if euer he doe any thing beyond his owne heart , t is for a Knighthood , and he is the first kneeles for't without bidding .

A Pyrate ,

TRuely defined , is a bold Traitour , for he fortifies a castle against the King . Giue him Sea-roome in neuer so small a vessel ; and like a witch in a sieue , you would think he were going to make merry with the Diuell . Of all callings his is the most desperate , for he will not leaue off his theeuing thogh he be in a narrow prison , and looke euery day ( by tempest or fight ) for execution . He is one plague the Diuell hath added , to make the Sea more terrible then a storme ; and his heart is so hardned in that rugged element , that hee cannot repent , though hee view his graue ( before him ) continually open : he hath so little his own , that the house he sleepes in is stolne ; all the necessities of life hee filches , but one : hee cannot steale a sound sleepe , for his troubled conscience : He is very gentle to those vnder him , yet his rule is the horriblest tyranny in the world : for hee giues licence to all rape , murder , and cruelty in his owne example : what hee gets , is small vse to him , onlie liues by it , ( somwhat the longer ) to do a little more seruice to his belly ; for hee throwes away his treasure vpon the shore in riot , as if he cast it into the Sea . Hee is a cruell Hawke that flies at all but his own kind : and as a Whale neuer comes a shore , but when she is wounded ; so hee , very seldome , but for his necessities . He is the Marchants booke , that serues onely to reckon vp his losses ; a perpetuall plague to noble traffique , the Hurican of the Sea , & the Earth-quake of the Exchange . Yet for all this giue him but his pardon , and forgiue him restitution , hee may liue to know the inside of a Church , and die on this side Wapping .

An ordinarie Fencer

IS a fellow , that beside shauing of Cudgels , hath a good insight into the world , for he hath long been beaten to it . Flesh and bloud hee is like other men ; but surely Nature meant him Stock-fish : his and a Dancing-schoole are inseparable adiuncts ; and are bound , though both stinke of sweat most abominably , neither shall complaine of annoiance : three large bauins set vp his trade , wich a bench ; which ( in the vacation of the afternoone ) hee vses for his day bed ; for a sirkin to pisse in , hee shall be allowed that , by those make Allom : when hee comes on the Stage , at his Prize , hee makes a leg seuen seuerall waies , and scrambles for money , as if he had been borne at the Bathe in Somerset-shire : at his challenge hee shewes his mettall ; for contrarie to all rules of Physicke , he dare bleed , though it be in the dog-daies : hee teaches Diuelish play in 's Schoole , but when he fights himselfe , he doth it in the feare of a good Christian . He compounds quarrels among his Schollers , and when hee hath brought the busines to a good vpshot , he makes the reckoning . His wounds are seldom aboue skin deep ; for an inward bruse , Lambe-stones and sweet-breads are his only Sperma Ceti , which he eats at night , next his heart fasting : strange Schoole-masters they are , that euery day set a man as farre backward as he went forward ; and throwing him into a strange posture , teach him to thresh satisfaction out of iniurie . One signe of a good nature is , that hee is still open breasted to his friends , for his foile , and his doubler , weare not aboue two buttons : and resolute he is , for he so much scornes to take blowes , that he neuer weares Cuffes : and he liues better contented with a little , then other men ; for if he haue two eyes in 's head , he thinks Nature hath ouerdone him . The Lord Maiors triumph makes him a man , for that 's his best time to flourish . Lastly , these Fencers are such things , that care not if all the world were ignorant of more Letters then only to read their Patent .

A Puny-clarke .

HE is tane from Grammar-schoole halfe codled , and can hardly shake off his dreames of breeching in a twelue-month . He is a Farmers sonne , and his Fathers vtmost ambition is to make him an Atturney . He doth itch towards a Poet , and greeses his breeches extreamely with feeding without a napkin . He studies false dice to cheat Costermongers , and is most chargeable to the butler of some Inne of Chancerie , for pissing in their greene pots . He eats Ginger bread at a Play-house ; and is so saucie , that he venters fairely for a broken pate at the banqueting house , and hath it . He would neuer come to haue any wit , but for a long vacation , for that makes him bethinke him how he shall shift another day . He prayes hotly against fasting ; and so he may sup wel on friday nights , he cares not though his Master be a Puritan . He practises to make the words in his Declaration spread , as a Sewer doth the dishes at a Niggards table ; a Clarke of a swooping Dash , is as commendable as a Flanders horse of a large taile . Though you be neuer so much delaid , you must not call his master knaue ; that makes him goe beyond himselfe and write a challenge in Court hand ; for it may be his owne another day . These are some certaine of his liberall faculties : but in the Terme time , his Clog is a Buckrom bag . Lastly , which is great pittie , hee neuer comes to his full growth , with bearing on his shoulder the sinfull burden of his Master at seuerall Courts in Westminster .

A Foote-man ,

LEt him be neuer so well made , yet his Legs are not matches , for hee is still setting the best foot forward . He will neuer be a staid man , for he has had a running head of his owne , euer since his childhood . His mother ( which , out of question , was a light heel'd wench ) knew it , yet let him run his race , thinking age would reclaime him from his wilde courses . He is very long winded ; and , without doubt , but that he hates naturally to serue on horsbacke , hee had proued an excellent trumpet . He has one happinesse aboue all the rest of the Seruingmen , for when he most ouer-reaches his Master , hee 's best thought of . He liues more by his owne heat then the warmth of clothes ; and the waiting-woman hath the greatest fancie to him when hee is in his close trouses . Gardes he weares none ; which makes him liue more vpright then any grosse gartered Gentleman-vsher . T is impossible to draw his picture to the life , cause a man must take it as he 's running , only this ; Horses are vsually let bloud on S. Steuens day : on S. Patrickes he takes rest , and is drencht for all the yeere after .

A noble and retir'd House-keeper ,

IS one whose bountie is limited by reason , not astentation : and to make it last , he deales it discreetly , as wee sowe the furrow , not by the sacke , but by the handfull . His word and his meaning neuer shake hands and part , but alway goe together . Hee can suruay good , and loue it , and loues to doe it himselfe , for it owne sake , not for thankes . Hee knowes there is no such miferie as to out-liue good name ; not no such follie as to put it in practise . His minde is so secure , that thunder rockes him asleepe , which breakes other mens flumbers . Nobilitie lightens in his eies ; and in his face and gesture is paintted , The God of Hospitalitie . His great houfes beare in their front more durance , then state ; vnlesse this adde the greater state to them , that they promise to outlast much of our new phantasticall building . His heart neuer growes old , no more then his memorie : whether at his booke , or on horsebacke , he passeth his time in such noble exercise , a man cannot say , any time is lost by him : nor hath he only yeeres , to approue he hath liued till hee be old , but vertues . His thoughts haue a high aime , though their dwelling be in the Vale of an humble heart ; whence , as by an Engine ( that raises water to fall , that it may rise the higher ) hee is heightned in his humilitie . The Adamant serues not for all Seas , but his doth ; for he hath , as it were , put a gird about the whole world , and sounded all her quick-sands . He hath this hand ouer Fortune , that her iniuries , how violent or sudden soeuer , they do not daunt him ; for whether his time call him to liue or die , he can do both nobly : if to fall , his descent is breast to breast with vertue ; and euen then , like the Sunne neere his Set , hee shewes vnto the world his clearest countenance .

An Intruder into fauour

IS one that builds his reputation on others infamy : for slaunder is most commonly his morning praier . His passions are guided by Pride , and followed by Iniustice . An inflexible anger against some poore sutor , he falsly calles a Couragious constancy , and thinks the best part of grauitie to consist in a ruffled forehead . He is the most slauishly submisse , though enuious to those are in better place then himselfe ; and knowes the Art of w●●●●●● well , that ( for shrowding dishonestie vnder a faire pretext ) he seemes to preserue mud in Chrystall . Like a man of a kinde nature , he is first good to himselfe ; in the next file , to his French Tailor , that giues him all his perfection : for indeed , like an Estridge , or Birde of Paradise , his feathers are more worth then his body . If euer hee doe good deede ( which is very seldome ) his owne mouth is the Chronicle of it , least it should die forgotten . His whole bodie goes all vpon screwes , and his face is the vice that moues them . If his Patron be giuen to musicke , hee opens his chops , and sings , or with a wrie necke falles to tuning his instrument : if that faile hee takes the height of his Lord with a Hawking pole . Hee followes the mans fortune , not the man : seeking thereby to increase his owne . He pretends , he is most vndeseruedly enuied , and cries out , remembring the game , Chesse , that a Pawne before a King is most plaide on . Debts he owes none , but shrewd turnes , and those he paies ere he besued . He is a flattering Glasse to conceale age , and wrinkles . He is Mountaines Monkie , that climbing a tree , and skipping from bough to bough , giues you backe his face ; but comne once to the top , he holdes his nose vp into the winde , and shewes you his taile : yet all this gay glitter shewes on him , as if the Sunne shone in a puddle ; for he is a small wine that will not last , and when he is falling , he goes of himselfe faster then misery can driue him .

A faire and happy Milke-mayd ,

IS a Countrey Wench , that is so far from making her selfe beautifull by Art , that one looke of hers is able to put all face Phisick out of countenance , She knowes a faire looke is but a dumbe Orator to commend vertue , therefore mindes it not . All her excellencies stand in her so silently , as if they had stolne vpon her without her knowledge . The lining of her apparel ( which is her selfe ) is far better then outsides of Tissew : for though she be not arraied in the spoile of the Silke-worme , she is deckt in innocence , a far better wearing . She doth not , with lying long a bed , spoile both her complexion and Conditions ; nature hath taught her too Immoderate sleepe is rust to the soule : shee rises therefore with Chaunticleare , her Dames Cocke , and at night makes the Lambe her Courfew . In milking a Cow , and strayning the Teates through her fingers , it seemes that so sweet a Milkepresse makes the Milke the whiter , or sweeter ; for neuer came Almond Gloue or Aromatique Oyntment on her Palme to taint it . The golden eares of corne fall and kisse her feete when she reapes them , as if they wisht to be bound and led prisoners by the same hand fell'd them . Her breath is her owne , which sents all the yeere long of Iune , like a new made Hay-cocke . She makes her hand hard with labour , and her heart soft with pittie : and when winter euenings fall early ( sitting at her merry wheele ) shee sings a defiance to the giddy wheele of Fortune . She doth all things with so sweete a grace , it seemes ignorance will not suffer her to doe ill , being her minde is to doe well . Shee bestowes her yeares wages at next faire ; and in choosing her Garments , counts no brauery i' th' world like decencie . The Garden and Bee-hiue are all her Phisicke and Chyrurgery , and she liues the longer for 't . Shee dare goe alone , and vnfold sheep i' th' night , & feares no manner of ill , because shee meanes none : yet to say truth , shee is neuer alone , for shee is still accompanied with old songs , honest thoughts , and prayers , but short ones ; yet they haue their efficacy , in that they are not pauled with insuing idle cogitations . Lastly , her dreames are so chaste , that she dare tell them : onely a Frydaies dreame is all her superstition : that shee conceales for feare of anger . Thus liues she , and all her care is , shee may dye in the Spring time , to haue store of flowers stuck vpon her winding sheet .

An Arrant Horse-courser

HAth the tricke to blow vp Horse-flesh , as a Butcher doth Veale , which shall wash out againe in twice riding twixt Waltham & London . The Trade of Spurre-making had decayed long since , but for this vngodly tyre-man . He is curst all ouer the foure ancient High-wayes of England ; none but the blind men that sel switches i' th' Road are beholding to him . His Stable is fill'd with so many Diseases , one would thinke most part about Smithfield were an Hospitall for Horses , or a slaughter-house for the common hunt . Let him furnish you with a Hackney , 't is as much as if the Kings Warrant ouer-tooke you within ten miles to stay your iourney . And though a man cannot say , he cozens you directly ; yet any Ostler within ten miles , should hee be brought vpon his Booke-oath , will affirme hee hath layd a bait for you . Resolue when you first stretch your selfe in the stirrops , you are put as it were vpon some Vsurer , that will neuer beare with you past his day . He were good to make one that had the Collick alight often , and ( if example will cause him ) make vrine ; let him onely for that say , Gr'amercy Horse . For his sale of horses , he hath false couers for all manner of Diseases , onely comes short of one thing ( which hee despaires not vtterly to bring to perfection ) to make a Horse goe on a wodden legge and two crutches . For powding his eares with Quicksiluer , and giuing him suppositories of liue Eeles he 's expert . All the while you are a cheapning he fears you will not bite ; but he laughs in his sleeue when hee hath cozened you in earnest . French men are his best Chapmen , he keepes amblers for them on purpose , and knowes he can deceiue them very easily . He is so constant to his Trade , that while he is awake , he tires any man he talkes with , and when hee 's asleepe he dreams very fearefully of the pauing of Smithfield , for hee knowes it would founder his occupation .

A Roaring Boy

HIs life is a meere counterfet Patent : which neuerthelesse , makes many a Countrey Iustice tremble . Don Quixotes water Milles are still Scotch Bagpipes to him . Hee sendes Challenges by word of mouth : for hee protests ( as hee is a Gentleman and a brother of the Sword ) hee can neither write nor read . He hath runne throgh diuers parcels of Land and great houses , beside both the Counters . If anie priuate Quarrell happen among our great Conrtiers , he proclaimes the businesse , that s the word , the businesse ; as if all the vnited forces of the Romish-Catholickes were making vp for Germany . Hee cheats young Guls that are newly come to Towne ; and when the Keeper of the Ordinarie blames him for it , hee answers him in his own Profession , that a Woodcocke must bee pluckt ere he be drest . Hee is a Superuisor to Brothels , & in them is a more vnlawfull reformer of vice , then Prentises on Shroue-tuesday . He loues his Friend , as a Counseller at Law loues the veluet Breeches he was first made Barrester in , hee 'll be sure to weare him thread-bare ere hee forsake him . He sleepes with a Tobacco-pipe in 's mouth ; and his first prayer i' th' morning is , hee may remember whom he fell our with ouer night . Soldier hee is none for hee cannot distinguish 'tweene Onion seede and Gunpowdir : if hee haue worne it in his hollow tooth for the Tooth-ach , and so come to the knowledge of it , that 's all . The Tenure by which he holds his meanes , is an estate at Will ; and that 's borrowing Land-lords haue but but foure Quarter-dayes ; but he three hundred and odde . Hee keepes very good Company ; yet is a man of no reckaning : and when he goes not drunke to bed , hee is very sick next morning , He commonly dies like Anacreon , with a Grape in 's throat ; or Hercules , with fire in 's marrow . And I haue heard of some ( that haue scap't hanging ) begg'd for Anatomies , onely to deterre men from taking Tobacco .

Adrunken Dutch-man resident in England

IS but Quarter Master with his Wife . Hee stinkes of Butter , asif hee were noynted all ouer for the Itch. Let him come ouer neuer so leane , and plant him but one Moneth neere the Brew-houses in S. Catherines , and hee 'll bee puft vp to your hand like a bloate Herring , Of all places of pleasure , he loues a Common Garden , and ( with the Swine of the Parish ) had neede be ringed for rooting . Next to these hee affects Lotteries naturally ; and bequeathes the best prize in his Will afore-hand ; when his hopes fall , hee 's blanke . They swarme in great Tenements like flies : sixe House-holds will liue in a Garret . Hee was wont ( onely to make vs fooles ) to buy the Foxe skin for three pence , and sell the taile for a shilling . Now his new Trade of brewing Strong-waters makes a number of mud men . He loues a Welch-man extreamly for his Diet and Orthography ; that is , for pluralitie of consonants and cheese . Like a Horse , hee 's onely guided by the mouth : when hee 's drunke , you may thrust your hand into him like an Eele skinne , and strip him his inslde outwards . Hee hoordes vp faire gold , and pretends 't is to seethe in his Wiues broth for a consumption , and loues the memory of King ; Henry the 8. most especially for his old Soueraigns . He saies wee are vnwise to lament the decay of Timber in England : for all manner of buildings or Fortification whatsoeuer , hee desires no other thing in the world , then Barrels and Hop-poles . To conclude , the onely two plagues he trembles at , is small Beere , and the Spanish Inquisition ,

A Phantastique . An Improuident young Gallant .

THere is a confederacy betweene him and his Clothes , to be made a puppy : view him well , & you 'll say his Gentry sits as ill vpon him , as if he had boght it with his penny . He hath more places to send money to , then the Diuell hath to send his Spirits : and to furnish each Mistresse , would make him runne beside his wits , if hee had any to lose . Hee accounts bashfulnesse the wicked'st thing in the world ; and therfore studies Impudence . If all men were of his mind , al honesty would be out of fashion : he withers his Cloathes on the Stage , as a Sale-man is forc't to do his sutes in Birchin-lane ; & when the Play is done , if you marke his rising , t is with a kinde of walking Epilogue betweene the two candles , to knowe if his Suite may passe for currant : he studies by the discretion of his Barber , to frizle like a Baboone : three such would keep three the nimblest Barbers i' th' towne , from euer hauing leasure to weare net-Garters : for when they haue to do with him they haue many Irons i'th'fire . He is trauelled , but to little purpose ; onlie went ouer for a squirt , and came back againe yet neure the more mended in his conditions , cause he carried himselfe along with him : a Scholler he pretends himselfe , and faies he hath sweat for it : but the truth is , he knowes Cornelius , farre better then Tacitus : his ordinary sports are Cock-fights ; but the most frequent , horse races , from whence hee comes home drie foundred . Thus when his purse hath cast her calfe , he goes down into the Country , where he is brought to milk and white cheese like the Switzers .

A Button-maker of Amsterdam ,

IS one that is fled ouer from his Conscience ; and left his wife and children vpon the Parish . For his knowledge , he is meerely a Horne-booke without a Christ-crosse afore it , and his zeale consists much in hanging his Bible in a Dutch button : hee cozens men in the purity of his cloathes : and t was his only ioy when hee was on this side , to bee in Prison : hee cries out , t is impossible for any man to be damn'd , that liues in his Religion , and his equiuocation is true : so long as a man liues in 't , he cannot ; but if he die in 't , there 's the question . Of all Feasts in the yeere , hee accounts S. Georges Feast the prophanest , because of St. Georges Crosse , yet somtimes he doth sacrifice to his own belly ; prouided , that heeput off the Wake of his owne natiuitie , or wedding , till Good Friday . If there bee a great feast in the Towne , though most of the wicked ( as he cals them ) be there , he will bee sure to be a guest , and to out-eat sixe of the fattest Burgers : he thinkes , though he may not pray with a Iew , hee may eat with a Iew : he winkes when he prayes , and thinkes he knowes the way so now to heauen , that he can finde it blindefold . Latine he accounts , the language of the Beast with seuen heads ; & when he speakes of his owne Countrie , cries , he is fled out of Babel . Lastly , his deuotion is Obstinacy , the onely solace of his heart , Contradiction , and his maine end Hypocrisie .

A Distaster of the Time

IS a Winter Grashopper al the yeer long that lookes back vpon Haruest , with a leane paire of cheekes , neuer sets forward to meete it : his malice suckes vp the greatest part of his own venome , & therewith impoisoneth himselfe : and this sickenesse rises rather of Selfe-opinion , or ouer-great expectation ; so in the conceit of his owne ouer-worthinesse , like a Coistrell , he striues to fill himselfe with winde , and flyes against it . Any mans aduancement is the most capitall offence that can bee to his malice : yet this enuy , like Phalaris Bull , makes that a torment , first for himselfe , hee prepared for others : hee is a Day-bed for the Diuell to slumber on ; his bloud is of a yellowish colour : like those that haue bin bitten by Vipers : & his gaule flowes as thick in him as oyle , in a poyson'd stomacke . He infects all societie , as thunder sowres wine : war or peace , dearth or plenty , make him equaly discontented . And where he findes no cause to taxe the State , hee descends to raile against the rate of salt butter . His wishes are whirlewindes ; which breath'd forth , returne into himselfe , and make him a most giddy & tottering vessell . When he is awake , and goes abroad , he doth but walke in his sleepe , for his visitation is directed to none : his businesse is nothing . He is often dumbe-madde , and goes fetter'd in his owne entrailes . Religion is commonly his pretence of discontent , though he can be of all religions ; therefore truly of none . Thus by vnnaturallising himselfe , some would thinke him a very dangerous fellow to the State , but he is not greatly to be fear'd : for this deiection of his , is onely like a rogue that goes on his knees and elbowes in the mire , to further his begging .

A meere Fellow of a House

EXamines all mens carriage but his owne ; and is so kinde natured to himselfe , he findes fault with all mens but his owne . He weares his apparell much after the fashion ; his meanes will not suffer him come to nigh : they afford him Mock-veluet or Satinisco ; but not without the Colledges next leases acquaintance : his inside is of the selfe same fashion , not rich : but as it reflects from the glasse of selfe-liking , there Croesus is Irus to him . He is a Pedant in shew , though his title be Tutor ; and his Pupils , in broader phrase , are Schole-boyes . On these he spends the false gallop of his tongue ; and with senselesse discourse towes them along , not out of ignorance . He shewes them the rinde , conceales the sappe : by this meanes he keepes them the longer , himselfe the better . He hath learn't to cough , and spit , and blow his nose at euery period , to recouer his memorie : and studies chiefely to set his eyes and beard to a new forme of learning . His Religion lyes in waite for the inclination of his Patron ; neither ebbes nor flowes , but iust standing water , betweene protestant and Puritane . His dreames are of pluralitie of Benefices and non-residency ; and when he rises , acts a long Grace to his looking glasse . Against hee comes to bee some great mans Chaplaine , he hath a habite of boldnesse , though a very Coward . Hee speakes Swords , Fights , Ergo's : his pase on foote is a measure ; on horsebacke , a gallop : for his legs are his owne , though horse and spurres are borrowed . He hath lesse vse then possession of Bookes . He is not so proud , but he will call the meanest Author by his name ; nor so vnskill'd in the Heraldrie of a Studie , but he knowes each mans place . So ends that fellowship , and begins an other .

A meere Petifogger

IS one of Sampsons Foxes : He sets men together by the eares , more shamefully then Pillories ; and in a long Vacation his sport is to go a Fishing with the Penall Statutes . He cannot erre before Iudgement , and then you see it , onely Writs of error are the Tariers that keepe his Client vndoing somewhat the longer . He is a Vestrie man in his Parish , and easily sets his neighbours at variance with the Vickar , when his wicked counsell on both sides is like weapons put into mens hands by a Fencer , whereby they get blowes , he money . His honesty and learning bring him to Vnder-Shrif-Ship ; which hauing thrise runne through , hee do's not feare the Lieutenant a' th' Shire : nay more , hee feares not God . Cowardise holds him a good Common-wealthes-man ; his pen is the plough , and parchment the Soyle , whence he reapes both Coyne and Curses . He is an Earthquake , that willingly will let no ground lie in quiet . Broken titles make him whole ; to haue halfe in the Countie breake their Bonds , were the onely libertie of conscience : He would wish ( though he be a Brownist ) no neighbour of his should pay his tithes duly , if such Sutes held continuall Plea at Westminster . He cannot away with the reuerend Seruice in our Church , because it ends with The peace of God . He loues blowes extreamely , and hath his Chyrurgions bill of all rates , from head to foote , to incense the fury : he would not giue away his yeerely beatings for a good peece of money . He makes his Will in forme of a Law-case , full of quiddits , that his Friends after his death ( if for nothing else ) yet , for the vexation of Law , may haue cause to remember him . And if hee thought the Ghosts of men did walke againe ( as they report in time of Popery ) sure he would hide some single mony in Westminster-Hall , that his spirit might haunt there . Only with this , I will pitch him o're the Barre , and leaue him ; That his fingers itch after a Bribe , euer since his first practising of Court-hand .

An Ingrosser of Corne .

THere is no Vermine in the Land like him ; hee slanders both Heauen and Earth with pretended Dearths , when there 's no cause of scarsitie . His whording in a deare yeere , is like Erisicthons Bowels , in Ouid : Quodque vrbibus esse , quodque satis poterat populo , non sufficit vni . He prayes daily for more inclosures , and knowes no reason in his Religion , why wee should call our fore-fathers daies , The time of ignorance , but onely because they sold Wheat for twelue pence a bushell . He wishes that Danske were at the Moloccos ; and had rather be certaine of some forraine inuasion , then of the setting vp of the Stilyard . When his Barnes and Garners are ful ( if it be a time of dearth ) he will buy halfe a bushell i' th' Market to serue his Household : and winnowes his Corne in the night , lest , as the chaffe throwne vpon the water , shew'd plenty in AEgypt ; so his ( caried by the winde ) should proclaime his abundance . No painting pleases him so wel , as Pharaohs dreame of the seauen leane Kine , that ate vp the fat ones ; that hee has in his Parlour , which he will describe to you like a motion , and his comment ends with a smothered prayer for the like scarsitie . Hee cannot away with Tobacco ; for hee is perswaded ( and not much amisse ) that t is a sparer of Bread-corne which he could finde in 's heart to transport without Licence : but weighing the penaltie , hee growes mealy-mouth'd , and dares not . Sweet smells he cannot abide ; wishes that the pure ayre were generally corrupted : nay , that the Spring had lost her fragrancie for euer , or wee our superfluous sense of Smelling ( as he tearmes it ) that his corne might not bee found mustie . The Poore he accounts the Iustices intelligencers , and cannot abide them : he complaines of our negligence of discouering new parts of the World , only to rid them from our Clymate . His Sonne , by a certaine kinde of instinct , he bindes Prentise to a Taylor , who all the terme of his Indenture hath a deare yeere in 's bellie , and rauins bread extreamly : when he comes to be a Freeman ( if it be a Dearth ) he marries him to a Bakers daughter .

A Diuellish Usurer

IS sowed as Cummin or Hemp-seede , with curses ; and he thinks he thriues the better . Hee is better read in the Penall Statutes , then the Bible ; and his euill Angell perswades him , hee shall sooner be saued by them . He can be no mans friend ; for all men hee hath most interest in , hee vndo's : and a double dealer hee is certainely ; for by his good will he euer takes the forfeit . He puts his money to the vnnaturall Act of generation ; and his Scriuener is the superuisor Bawd to 't . Good Deeds he loues none , but Seal'd and Deliuered ; nor doth he wish any thing to thriue in the Countrey , but Bee-hiues ; for they make him waxe rich . He hates all but Law-Latine ; yet thinks hee might be drawne to loue a Scholler , could he reduce the yeere to a shorter compasse , that his vse-money might come in the faster : he seems to be the son of a Iailor , for all his estate is most heauic & cruell bonds . He doth not giue , but fell daies of Payment ; and those at the rate of a mans vndoing : he doth only feare , the day of Iudgment should fall sooner , then the payment of some great sum of money due to him : hee remoues his lodging when a Subsidie comes ; and if he be found out , and pay it , hee grumbles Treason ; but t is in such a deformed silence , as Witches raise their Spirits in . Grauitie hee pretends in all things , but in his priuate Whore ; for hee will not in a hundreth pound take one light sixe-pence ; and it seemes hee was at Tilburie Campe , for you must not tell him of a Spaniard . He is a man of no conscience ; for ( like the lakes-farmer that swounded with going into Bucklersburie ) hee falls into a cold sweat , if hee but looke into the Chauncerie : thinks in his Religion , wee are in the right for euery thing , if that were abolisht : hee hides his money , as if hee thought to finde it againe at last day , and then begin's old trade with it . His clothes plead prescription ; and whether they or his bodie are more rotten , is a question : yet should hee liue to be hangd in them , this good they would doe him , The very Hangman would pittie his case . The Table hee keeps is able to starue twentie tall men ; his servants haue not their liuing , but their dying from him , and that 's of Hunger . A spare Dyet he commends in all men , but himselfe : he comes to Cathedralls onely for loue of the singing Boyes , because they looke hungry . He likes our Religion best , because t is best cheape ; yet would faine allow of Purgatorie , 'cause 't was of his Trade , and brought in so much money : his heart goes with the same snaphance his purse doth , t is seldome open to any man : friendship hee accounts but a word without any signification ; nay , he loues all the world so little , that , and it were possible , hee would make himselfe his owne Executor : for certaine , hee is made Administrator to his own good name , while he is in perfect memorie , for that dyes long afore him ; but he is so farre from being at the charge of a Funerall for it , that hee lets it stinke aboue ground . In conclusion , for Neighbourhood , you were better dwell by a contentious Lawyer . And for his death , t is rather Surfet , the Pox , or Despaire ; for seldom such as hee dye of Gods making , as honest men should doe .

A Water-Man

IS one that hath learnt to speake well of himselfe ; for alwaies hee names himselfe , The first man . If he had betane himselfe to some richer Trade , hee could not haue chos'd but done well : for in this ( though it be a meane one ) he is still plying it , and putting himselfe forward . He is euermore telling strange newes ; most commonly lyes . If he be a Sculler , aske him if hee be maried , hee 'l equiuocate and sweare hee 's a single man . Little trust is to be giuen to him , for he thinks that day he does best when he fetches most men ouer . His daily labour teaches him the Arte of dissembling ; for like a fellow that rides to the Pillorie , he goes not that way he lookes : hee keepes such a bawling at Westminster , that if the Lawyers were not acquainted with it , an order would be tane with him . When he is vpon the water , he is Fare-companie : when hee comes ashore , hee mutinies ; and contrarie to all other trades , is most surely to Gentlemen , when they tender payment . The Play-houses only keep him sober ; and as it doth many other Gallants , makes him an afternoones man . London Bridge is the most terriblest eye-sore to him that can be . And to conclude , nothing but a great Presse , makes him flye from the Riuer ; nor any thing ; but a great Frost , can teach him any good manners .

A Reuerend Iudge

IS one that desires to haue his greatnes , onely measur'd by his goodnesse : his care is to appeare such to the people , as he would haue them be ; and to be himselfe such as hee appeares ; for vertue cannot seeme one thing , and be another : hee knowes that the hill of greatnesse yeelds a most delighifull prospect , but with all that it is most subiect to lightning , and thunder : and that the people , as in ancient Tragedies , sit and censure the actions of those are in authoritie : he squares his owne therefore , that they may farre bee aboue their pittie : he wishes fewer Lawes , so they were better obseru'd : and for those are Mulctuarie , he vnderstands their institution not to be like briers or springes , to catch euery thing they lay hold of ; but like Sea-marks ( on our dangerous Goodwin ) to auoid the shipwracke of ignorant passengers : hee hates to wrong any man ; neither hope , nor despaire of preferment can draw him to such an exigent : he thinks himselfe then most honorably seated , when he giues mercie the vpper hand : hee rather striues to purchase good name then land ; and of all rich stuffes forbidden by the Statute , loaths to haue his followers weare their clothes cut out of bribes and extortions . If his Prince call him to higher place , there he deliuers his minde plainly , and freely ; knowing for truth , there is no place wherein dissembling ought to haue lesse credit , then in a Princes Councel . Thus honour keeps peace with him to the graue , and doth not ( as with many ) there forsake him , and goe backe with the Heralds : but fairely sits ore him , and broods out of his memorie , many right excellent Common-wealths men .

A vertuous Widdow

IS the Palme-tree , that thriues not after the supplanting of her husband . For her Childrens sake she first marries , for shee married that shee might haue children , and for their sakes shee marries no more . She is like the purest gold , onely imploide for Princes meddals , shee neurer receiues but one mans impression ; the large iointure moues her not , titles of honor cannot sway hir . To change her name , were ( she thinks ) to commit a sinne should make her asham'd of her husbands calling ; shee thinks she hath traueld all the world in one man ; the rest of her time therfore she directs to heauen . Her maine superstition is , shee thinks her husbands ghost would walke , should she not performe his Will : she would doe it , were there no Prerogatiue Court . She giues much to pious vses , without any hope to merit by them : and as one Diamond fashions another ; so is she wrought into works of Charitie , with the dust or ashes of her husband . She liues to see her selfe full of time ; being so necessarie for earth , God calls her not to heauen , till shee be very aged : and euen then , though her naturall strength faile her , she stands like an ancient Piramid ; which the lesse it growes to mans eye , the neerer it reaches to heauen : this latter Chastitie of Hers , is more graue and reuerend , then that ere shee was married ; for in it is neither hope , nor longing , nor feare , nor iealousie . Shee ought to be a mirrour for our yongest Dames , to dresse themselues by , when she is fullest of wrinkles . No calamitie can now come neere her , for in suffering the losse of her husband , shee accounts all the rest trifles : she hath laid his dead bodie in the worthiest monument that can be : Shee hath buried it in her owne heart . To conclude , she is a Relique , that without any superstition in the world ; though she will not be kist , yet may be reuerenc't .

An ordinary Widdow

IS like the Heralds Hearse-cloath ; she serues to many funerals , with a very little altering the colour . The end of her Husband begins in teares ; and the end of her teares beginnes in a Husband . She vses to Cunning women to know how many Husbands shee shall haue , and neuer marries without the consent of sixe midwiues . Her chiefest pride is in the multitude of her Suitors ; and by them she gaines : for one serues to draw on another , and with one at last she shootes out another , as Boies doe Pellets in Elderne Gunnes . She commends to them a single life , as Horsecourses doe their Iades , to put them away . Her fancy is to one of the biggest of the Guard , but Knighthood makes her draw in a weaker Bow . Her seruants , or kinsfolke , are the Trumperers that summon any to this combat : by them she gaines much credit , but looseth it againe in the old Prouerbe : Fama est mendax . If she liue to be thrise married , she seldome failes to cozen her second Husbands Creditors . A Church man shee dare not venture vpon ; for she hath heard widdowes complaine of dilapidations : nor a Soldier , though he haue Candle-rents in the City , for his estate may be subiect to fire : very seldome a Lawier , without he shew his exceeding great practise , & can make her case the better : but a Knight with the old rent may do much , for a great comming in , is all in all with a Widdow : euer prouided , that most part of her Plate and Iewels ( before the wedding ) lie concealde with her Scriuener . Thus like a too ripe Apple , shee falles of her selfe : but he that hath her , is Lord but of a filthy purchase , for the title is crackt . Lastly , while she is a Widdow , obserue euer , shee is no Morning woman the euening a good fire and sack may make her listen to a Husband : and if euer she be made sure , t is vpon a full stomacke to bedward .

A Quacksaluer

IS a Mountebanke of a larger bill then a Taylor ; if hee can but come by names enow of Diseases , to stuffe it with , t is all the skill hee studies for . He tooke his first being from a Cunning woman , and stole this blacke Art from her , while he made her Seacoale fire . All the diseases euer sin brought vpon man , doth he pretend to be Curer of ; when the truth is , his maine cunning , is Corne-cutting . A great plague makes him ; what with railing against such , as leaue their cures for feare of infection , and in friendly breaking Cakebread , with the Fish-wiues at Funerals , he vtters a most abominable deale of musty Carduus-water , & the Conduits crie out , All the learned Doctors may cast their Caps at him . He parts stakes with some Apothecary , in the Suburbes , at whose house he lies : and though hee be neuer so familiar with his wife ; the Apothecary dare not ( for the richest Horne in his shop ) displease him . All the Mid-wiues in the towne are his intelligencers ; but nurses and young Marchants Wines ( that would fain conceiue with childe ) these are his Idolaters . Hee is a more vniust Bone-setter , then a Dice-maker ; hath put out more eyes then the small Pox ; made more deafe then the Cataracts of Nilus ; lamed more then the Gout ; shrunke more sinewes , then one that makes Bow-stringes ; and kild more idly , then Tobacco . A Magistrate that had any way so noble a spirit , as but to loue a good horse well , would not suffer him to bee a Farrier . His discourse is vomit ; and his ignorance , the strongest purgation in the world : to one that would be speedily cured , he hath more delaies , and doubles , then a Hare , or a Law suite : hee seekes to set vs at variance with nature , and rather then hee shall want diseases he 'le beget them . His especiall practise ( as I said afore ) is vpon women ; labours to make their mindes sicke , ere their bodies feele it , and then there 's worke for the Dog-leach . Hee pretends the cure of mad-men ; and sure he gets most by them , for no man in his perfect witte would meddle with him . Lastly , he is such a Iuggler with Vrinals , so dangerously vnskilfull , that if euer the Citie will haue recourse to him for diseases that neede purgation , let them imploy him in scouring Moore-ditch .

A Canting Rogue .

T Is not vnlikely but hee was begot by some intelligencer vnder a hedge ; for his minde is wholy giuen to trauell . He is not troubled with making of Iointures : he can diuorce himselfe without the see of a Proctor , nor feares he the crueltie of ouerseers of his Will. Hee leaues his children all the world to Cant in , and all the people to their fathers . His Language is a Constant tongue ; the Northerne speech differs from the south , Welch from the Cornish : but Canting is generall , nor euer could be altered by conquest of the Saxon , Dane , or Norman . He wil not beg out of his limit though hee starue ; nor breake his oath if hee sweare by his Salomon , though you hang him : and hee payes his custome as truely to his Graund Rogue , astribute is payd to the great Turke . The March Sunne breedes agues in others , but hee adores it like the Indians ; for then beginnes his progresse after a hard winter . Ostlers cannot endure him , for he is of the infantry , and serues best on foote . Hee offends not the Statute against the excesse of apparell , for hee will goe naked , and counts it a voluntary pennance . Forty of them lie in a Barne together , yet are neuer sued vpon the statute of Inmates . If hee were learned , no man could make a better description of England ; for hee hath traueld it ouer and ouer . Lastly , hee bragges , that his great houses are repair'd to his hands ; when Churches go to ruine : and those are prisons .

A French Cooke

HE learnt his trade in a Towne of Garrison neere famish't , where he practised to make a little goe farre ; some deriue it from more antiquity , and say Adam ( when hee pickt fallets ) was of his occupation . He doth not feed the belly , but the Palate : and though his command lie in the kitchin ( which is but an inferiour place ) yet shall you finde him a very saucy companion . Euer since the warres in Naples , hee hath so minc't ( the ancient and bountifull allowance ) as if his nation should keep a perpetuall diet . The Seruingmen call him the last relique of Popery , that makes men fast against their Conscience . He can be truly said to be no mans fellow but his Masters : for the rest of his seruants are starued by him . Hee is the prime cause why Noblemen build their Houses so great , for the smalnesse of the Kitchin , makes the house the bigger : and the Lord calles him his Alchymist that can extract gold out of hearbs , rootes , mushroomes or anything : that which hee dresses wee may rather call a drinking , then a meale : yet is hee so full of variety , that he brags , and truely , that hee giues you but a taste of what hee can do : he dare not for his life come among the Butchers ; for sure they would quarter and bake him after the English fashion ; hee 's such an enemy to Beefe and Mutton . To conclude , hee were onely fit to make a funerall feast , where men should eat their victuals in mourning .

A Sexton

IS an ill willer to humane nature . Of all Prouerbs , hee cannot endure to heare that which sayes , Wee ought to liue by the quicke , not by the dead . He could willingly all his life time bee confinde to the Church-yard ; at least within fiue foote on 't : for at euery Church stile , commonly there 's an Ale-house ; Where let him bee found neuer so idle pated , hee is still a graue drunkard . Hee breakes his fast heartiliest while he is making a graue , and sayes the opening of the ground makes him hungry . Though one would take him to be a slouen , yet hee loues cleane linnen extreamely , and for that reason takes an order that fine holland sheers bee not made wormes meate . Like a nation cald the Cusani , he weeps when any are borne , and laughes when they die : the reason ; hee gets by Burials not Christnings : he will hold argument in a Tauerne ouer Sacke , till the Diall and himselfe bee both at a stadd : he neuer obserues any time but Sermon time , and there he sleepes by the hour-glasse . The rope-maker payes him a pension , and hee paies tribute to the Physitian ; for the Physitian makes work for the Sexton ; as the Rope-maker for the Hang-man . Lastly , he wishes the Dogge dayes would last all yeere long : and a great plague is his yeere of lubile .

A Iesuite

IS a larger Spoone for a Traytour to feed with the Diuell , then any other Order : vnclaspse him , and hee 's a gray Wolfe , with a golden Starre in the fore-head : so superstitiously hee followes the Pope , that hee forsakes Christ , in not giuing Caesar his due . His vowes seeme heauenly ; but in medling with State-businesse , he seems to mixe heauen and earth together . His best Elements , are Confession & Pennance : by the first , he findes out mens inclinations ; and by the latter , heapes wealth to his Seminary . He sprang from Ignanatius Loiola , a Spanish Souldier ; and though hee were found out long since the inuention of the Canon , 't is thoght he hath not done lesse mischiefe . Hee is a false Key to open Princes Cabinets , and pry into their Counsels ; and where the Popes excommunication thunders , hee holds it no more sinne the decrowning of Kings , then our Puritanes doe the suppression of Bishops . His order is full of all irregularity and disobedience ; ambitious aboue all measure ; for of late dayes , in Portugall and the Indies , he reiected the name of Iesuit , and would bee called Disciple . In Rome , and other countries that giue him freedome , hee weares a Maske vppon his heart ; in England he shifts it , and puts it vpon his face . No place in our Climate hides him so securely as a Ladies Chamber ; the modesty of the Purseuant hath onely forborne the bed , and so mist him . There is no Disease in Christendome , that may so properly be call'd The Kings Euill . To conclude , would you know him beyond Sea ? In his Seminary , hee 's a Foxe ; but in the Inquisition , a Lyon Rampant .

An excellent Actor .

WHatsoeuer is commendable in the graue Orator , is most exquisitly perfect in him ; for by a full and significant action of body , he charmes our attention : sit in a full Theater , and you will thinke you see so many lines drawen from the circumference of so many eares , whiles the Actor is the Center . He doth not striue to make nature monstrous , she is often seene in the same Scaene with him , but neither on Stilts nor Crutches ; and for his voice t is not lower then the prompter , nor lowder then the Foile and Targer . By his action hee fortifies morall precepts with example ; for what wee see him personate , wee thinke truely done before vs : a man of a deep thoght might apprehend , the Ghosts of our ancient Heroes walk't againe , and take him ( at feueral times ) for many of them . He is much affected to painting , and t is a question whether that make him an excellent Player , or his playing an exquisite Painter . Hee addes grace to the Poets labours : for what in the Poet is but ditty , in him is both ditty and musicke . He entertaines vs in the best leasure of our life , that is betweene meales , the most vnfit time , either for study or bodily exercise : the flight of Hawkes , and chase of wilde beasts , either of them are delights noble : but some thinke this sport of men the worthier , despight all calumny . All men haue beene of his occupation : and indeed , what hee doth fainedly , that doe others essentially : this day one playes a Monarch , the next a priuate person . Heere one Acts a Tyrant , on the morrow an Exile : A Parasite this man too night , tomorrow a Precisian , and so of diuers others . I obserue , of all men liuing , a woorthy Actor in one kinde is the strongest motiue of affection on that can be : for when hee dies , wee cannot be perswaded any man can doe his parts like him . But to conclude , I value a worthy Actor by the corruption on of some few of the quality , as I wold doe gold in the oare ; I should not minde the drosse , but the purity of the mettall .

A Franklin .

HIs outside is an ancient Yeoman of England , though his inside may giue armes ( with the best Gentleman ) and ne're fee the Herald . There is no truer seruaht in the house then himselfe . Though he be Master , he saies not to his seruants , goe to field , but let vs goe ; and with his owne eye , doth both fatten his flocke , and set forward all manner of husbandrie . He is taught by nature to be contented with a little ; his owne fold yeelds him both food and raiment : hee is pleasd with any nourishment God sends , whilest curious gluttonie ransacks , as it were , Noahs Arke for food , onely to feed the riot of one meale . He is nere knowne to goe to Law ; vnderstanding , to be Law-bound among men , is like to bee hide-bound among his beasts ; they thriue not vnder it : and that such men sleep as vnquietly , as if their pillowes were stuft with Lawyers pen-knifes . When hee builds , no poore Tenants cottage hinders his prospect , they are indeed his Almes-houses , though there be painted on them no such superscription . Hee neuer fits vplate but when he hunts the Badger , the vowed foe of his Lambes : nor vses he any crueltie , but when he hunts the Hare , nor subtiltie but when he setteth snares for the Snite , or pit-falls for the Black-bird ; nor oppression , but when in the month of Iuly , hee goes to the next riuer , and sheares his sheep . Hee allowes of honest pastime , and thinks not the bones of the dead any thing bruifed , or the worse for it , though the Countrey Lasses dance in the Church-yard after Euen-song . Rocke Monday , and the Wake in Summer , shrouings , the wakefull ketches on Christmas Eue , the Hoky , or Seed-cake , these he yeerly keeps , yet holds them no reliques of Poperie . He is not so inquisitiue after newes deriued from the priuie closet , when the finding an eiery of Hawkes in his owne ground , or the foaling of a Colt come of a good straine , are tydings more pleasant , more profitable . He is Lord paramount within himselfe , though hee hold by neuer so meane a Tenure ; and dies the more contentedly ( though he leaue his heire yong ) in regard he leaues him not liable to a couetous Guardian . Lastly , to end him ; hee cares not when his end comes ; hee needs not feare his Audit , for his Quietus is in heauen .

A Rimer

IS a fellow whose face is hatcht all ouer with impudence , and should he be hang'd or pilloried t is armed for it . Hee is a Iuggler with words , yet practises the Art of most vncleanly conueyance . He doth boggle very often ; and because himselfe winkes at it , thinks t is not perceiued : the maine thing that euer he did , was the tune he sang to . There is nothing in the earth so pittifull , no not an Ape-carrier , he is not worth thinking of , and therefore I must leaue him as nature left him , a Dunghil not well aid together .

The Character of a happy life . By Sr. H. W. HOw happy is he borne or taught , That serueth not anothers will ; Whose Armour is his honest thought , And sillie Truth his highest skill . Whose passions not his Masters are , Whose soule is still prepar'd for death : Vntyed vnto the world with care Of Princely loue , or vnlgar breath . Who hath his life from rumors freed . Whose conscience is his strong retreit : Whose state can neither flatterers feed , Nor ruine make accusers great . Who enuieth none whom chance doth raise , Or vice : who neuer vnderstood , How deepest wounds are giuen with praise , Not rules of state , but rules of good . Who GOD doth late and early pray , More of his grace , then gifts to lend ; Who entertaines the harmelesse day , With a well chosen Booke or Friend . This man is free from seruile bands , Of hope to rise , or feare to fall ; Lord of himselfe , though not of Lands : And hauing nothing , he hath All.

Certaine Edicts from a Parliament in Eutopia ; Written by the Lady Southwell .

INprimis , Hee that hath no other worth to commend him then a good Suite of Apparell , shall not dare to woe a Lady in his owne behalfe , but shall be allowed to carry the Hieroglyphike of his friends affection .

Item , that no fowle fac'd Lady shall raile on her that is fairer , because she is fairer ; nor seeke by blacke calumniation to darken her fame , vnlesse shee bee her corriuall .

Item , that no man may entitle himselfe by the matchles name of a Friend , that loues vpon condition , vnlesse hee be a Schoole-master .

Item , that no Lady , which modestly keepes her house for want of good clothes to visit her Gossips shall professe contempt of the worlds vanity , vnlesse she see no hope of the tides returning .

Item , that no Bankerupt Knight , that to set vp shop againe , becomes Parasite or Buffone to some great Lord , shall euer after sweare by his honour ; but by his Knight-hood he may .

Item , that no Lady that vseth to paint , shall finde fault with her painter that hath not counterfeted her picture faire enough , vnlesse she will acknowledge her selfe to be the better counterfetter .

Item , that no man whose vaine loue hath beene reiected by a vertuous Lady , shall report that he hath refused and cast her off , vnlesse he will take the base lying fellow by the next assailant , so reiected , without any further quarrell .

Item , that no Lady shall court her looking glasse , past one houre in a day , vnlesse she professe to be an Inginer .

Item , that no Quarter waiter shall feed on cheese three quarters of a yeere to feast on satten one quarter , without Galens aduice , and the Apothecaries bill to be written by a Taylor .

Item , that wench that is ouer-enamored of her selfe , and thinkes all other so too , shall bee bound to carry a burden of Birdlime on her backe , and spinne at a Barne-doore to catch fooles .

Item , he that sweareth when hee loseth his mony at dice , shall challenge his damnation by the way of purchase .

Item , no Lady that silently simpereth for want of wit shall be call'd modest .

Item , no fellow that begins to argue with a woman , & wants wit to encounter her , shall think he hath redeemed his credit by putting her to silence with some lasciuious discourse , vnlesse hee weare white for William , and greene for Sommer .

Item , no woman that remaineth constant for want of assault shall be called chaste .

Item , he that professeth vertuous loue to a woman , and giues ground when his vanity is reiected , shall haue his bels cut off and flie for a haggard .

Item , she that respecteth the good opinion of others , before the Beeing of good in her selfe , shall not refuse the name of Hypocrite ; and she that emploies all her time in working trappings for her selfe , the name of spider : and she that sets the first quest of enquiry amongst her gossips for new fashions , shall not refuse a stitcher for her second husband .

Item , He that hath reported a Lady to be vertuous , for the which he professeth to loue her , yet vnder hand commenceth a base suit , and is disdained ; shall not on this blow which his owne vice hath giuen him , out of policy raile suddenly on her , for feare he be noted for a vicious foole : but to his friend in priuate he may say that his iudgement was blinded by her cunning disguise , & that he finds her wauering in goodnesse , and in time he shall openly professe to raile on her ; but with such a modesty forsooth , as if he were loth to bring his iudgement into question ; nor would he doe it , but that hee preferres truth euen out of his owne reach .

NEWES FROM ANY WHENCE . OR , OLD TRVTH , VNDER A SVPposall of Noueltie . Occasioned by diuers Essayes , and priuate passages of Wit , betweene sundrie Gentlemen vpon that subiect .

Newes from Court .

IT is thought heere , that there are as great miseries beyond happinesse , as a this side it , as being in loue . That truth is euery mans by assenting . That time makes euery thing aged , and yet it selfe was neuer but a minute old . That , next sleepe , the greatest deuourer of time is business : the greatest stretcher of it , Passion , the truest measure of it , Contemplation . To be saued , alwaies is the best plot : and vertue alwaies cleeres her way as she goes . Vice is euer behind-hand with it selfe . That Wit and a woman are two fraile things , and both the frailer by concurring . That the meanes of begetting a man , hath more increast mankinde then the end . That the madnesse of Loue is to be sicke of one part , and cured by another . The madnesse of Iealousie , that it is so diligent , and yet it hopes to lose his labor . That all Women for the bodily part , are but the same meaning put in diuers words . That the difference in the sense is their vnderstanding . That the wisedome of Action is Discretion ; the knowledge of contemplation is truth : the knowledge of action is men . That the first considers what should be , the latter makes vse of what is . That euery man is weake in his owne humours . That euery man a little beyond himselfe is a foole . That affectation is the more ridiculous part of folly then ignorance . That the matter of greatnesse is comparison . That God made one world of Substances ; Man hath made another of Art and Opinion . That Money is nothing but a thing which Art hath turned vp trumpe . That custome is the soule of circumstances . That custome hath so farre preuailed , that Truth is now the greatest newes .

Sr. T. Ouer.

Answere to the Court Newes .

THat Happinesse and Miscrie are Antipodes . That Goodnesse is not Felicitie , but the rode thither . That Mans strength is but a vicissitude of falling and rising . That onely to refraine ill , is to be ill still . That the plot of Saluation was laid before the plot of Paradise . That enioying is the preparatiue to contemning . That hee that seekes opinion beyond merite , goes iust so farre backe . That no man can obtaine his desires ; nor in the world hath not to his measure . That to studie , men are more profitable then bookes . That mens loues are their afflictions . That Titles of Honor , are rattles to still ambition . That to be a King , is Fames Butte , and feares Quiuer . That the soules of Women and Louers , are wrapt in the portmanque of their senses . That imagination is the end of man . That wit is the webbe , and wisedome the woofe of the cloth ; so that womens soules were neuer made vp . That enuie knowes what it will not confesse . That Goodnesse is like the Art Prospectiue : one point Center , begetting infinite rayes . That Man , Woman , and the Diuell , are the three degrees of comparison . That this Newes holds number , but not weight , by which couple all things receiue forme .

Countrey Newes .

THat there is most here , for it gathers in going . That reputation is measured by the Acre . That Pouertie is the greatest dishonestie . That the pittie of , Alasse poore soule , is for the most part mistaken . That Rost beefe is the best smel . That a iustice of peace is the best relique of Idolatrie . That the Allegorie of Iustice drawn blinde , is turned the wrong way . That not to liue to heauenly is accounted great wrong . That wisedome descends in a race . That we loue Names better then persons That to hold in Knights seruice , is a flipperie seruice . That a Papist is a new word for a Traitor . That the dutie of Religion is lent , not pay'd . That the reward is lost in the want of humilitie . That the Puritane persecution is as a clowde that can hide the glory of the light , but not the day . That the emulation of the English and Scots to be the Kings Countrey-men , thrust the honour on the Welch . That a Courtier neuer attaynes his selfe-knowledge , but by report . That his best Embleme is a hearne dogge . That many great men are so proud , that they know not their owne Fathers . That Loue is the tailworme . That a woman is the effect of her owne first fame . That to remember , to know , and to vnderstand , are 3. degrees not vnderstood . That Countrey ambition is no vice , for there is nothing aboue a man . That fighting is a Seruing-mans valor : Martyrdome their Masters . That to liue long , is to fill vppe the dayes wee liue That the zeale of some mens Religion reflects from their Friends . That the pleasure of vice is indulgence of the present , for it endures but the acting . That the proper reward of goodnesse is from within the externall is policy . That good and ill is the crosse and pile in the aime of life . That the Soule is the lampe of the body , Reason , of the Soule , Religion of Reason , Faith of Religion , Christ of Faith . That circumstances are the Atomies of policy , Censure the being , Action the life , but successe the Ornament . That Authority presseth downe with weight , and is thought violence : policy trips vp the heeles , & is called the dexterity . That this life is a throng in a narrow passage , hee that is first out , findes case , hee in the middle worst hemm'd in with troubles , the hindmost that driues both out afore him , though not suffering wrong , hath his part in doing it . That God requires of our debts , a reckoning , not payment : That heauen is the easiest purchase , for wee are the richer for the disbursing . That liberality should haue no obiect but the poore , if our mindes were rich . That the mysterie of greatnesse , is to keepe the inferiour ignorant of it . That all this is no Newes to a better wit . That the City cares not what the Countrey thinkes .

Sr. T. R.

Newes from the very Countrey .

THat it is a Fripery of Courtiers , Marchants , and others , which haue beene in fashion , and are very neere worne out . That Iustices of Peace haue the felling of vnder-woods , but the Lords haue the great fals . The Iesuits are like Apricockes , heeretofore , heere and there one succour'd in a great mans house , and cost deere ; now you may haue them for nothing in euery cottage . That euery great Vice is a Pike in a Pond , that deuoures vertues , and lesse vices . That it is wholsomest getting a stomacke by walking on your owne ground : and the thriftiest laying of it at anothers Table . That debtors are in London close prisoners , and heere haue the liberty of the house . That Atheists in affliction , like blinde beggers , are forced to aske , though they know not of whom . That there are ( God be thanked ) not two such Acres in all the Countrey , as the Exchange & Westminster Hall . That onely Christmas Lords know their ends . That Women are not so tender fruit , but that they doe as well , and beare as well vpon Beds , as plashed against walles . That our Cares are neuer worse emploied , then when they are wayted on by Coaches . That Sentences in Authors , like haires in horse taile , concur in one root of beauty and strength , but being pluckt out one by one , serue only for Springes and Snares . That both want and abundance , equally aduance a rectified man from the world , as cotton and stones are both good casting for an Hawke . That I am sure there is none of the forbiddenfruit left , because we doe not all eat therof . That our best three pilde mischiefe comes from beyond the sea , and rides post through the country , but his errand is to Court . That next to no wife and children , your owne are the best pastime , anothers wife and your children worse , your wife & anothers children worst . That Statesmen hunt their fortunes , and are often at default : Fauorites course her , and are euer in view . That intemperance is not so vnwholsome heere ; for none euer saw Sparrow sicke of the poxe . That heere is no trechery nor fidelity , but it is because heere are no secrets . That Court motions are vp and downe ; ours circular : theirs like squibs cannot stay at the highest , nor returne to the place which they rose from , but vanish and weare out in the way : Ours like Mil-wheels , busie without changing place ; they haue peremptory fortunes ; we vicissitudes .

I. D.

Answer to the very Country Newes .

IT is a thought , that man is the Cook of time , and made dresser of his own fatting . That the fiue Senses are Cinque-ports for temptation , the trafficke sinne , the Lieutenant Sathan , the custome-tribute , soules . That the Citizens of the high Court grow rich by simplicitie ; but those of London , by simple craft . That life , death , and time , do with short cudgells dance the Matachine . That those which dwell vnder the Zona Torrida , are troubled with more damps , then those of Frigida . That Policie and Superstition hath of late her masque renr from her face , and shee is found with a wry mouth and a stinking breath , and those that courted her hotly , hate her now in the same degree , or beyond . That Nature too much louing her owne , becomes vnnaturall and foolish . That the soule in some is like an egge , hatched by a young Pullet , who often rigging from her nest , makes hot and cold beget rottennesse , which her wanton youth will not beleeue , till the faire shell being broken , the stinke appeareth to profit others , but cannot her . That those are the wise ones , that hold the superficies of vertue , to support her contrarie , all-sufficient . That clemencie within and without is the nurse of rebellion . That thought of the future is retyred into the Countrey , and time present dwells at Court . That I liuing neere the Church-yard , where many are buried of the Pest , yet my infection commeth from Spaine , and it is feared it will disperse further into the Kingdom .

A.S.

Newes to the Vniuersitie .

A Meere Scholler is but a liue book , Action doth expresse knowledge better then words ; so much of the soule is lost as the bodie cannot vtter . To teach , should rather be an effect , then the purpose of learning . Age decaies nature , perfects Art : therefore the glory of youth , is strength ; of the gray head , wisdome ; yet most condemne the follies of their owne infancie , runne after those of the worlds , and in reuerence of antiquitie will beare an old error against a new truth . Logicke is the Heraldrie of Arts , the array of Iudgment , none it selfe , nor any Science without it : where it and learning meete not , must be either a skilful ignorance , or a wilde knowledge . Vnderstanding cannot conclude out of moode and figure . Discretion conteines Rhetherique ; the next way to learne good words , is to learne sense ; the newest Philosophie , is foundest , the eldest Diuinitie : Astronomie begins in Nature , ends in Magicke . There is no honestie of the bodie without health , which no man hath had since Adam . Intemperance that was the first mother of sicknesse , is now the daughter . Nothing dyes but qualities . No kinde in the world can perish without ruine of the whole . All parts helpe one another ( like States ) for particular interest : So in Arts which are but translations of nature ; there is no sound position in any one , which , imagine false , there may not from it be drawne strong conclusions , to disproue all the rest . Where one truth is granted , it may be by direct meanes brought to confirme any other controuerted . The soule and bodie of the first man , were made fit to be immortall together , we cannot liue to the one , but we must dye to the other . A man and a Christian are two creatures . Our perfection in this World is vertue ; in the next knowledge , when wee shall read the glory of God in his own face .

Newes from Sea .

THat the best pleasure is to haue no obiect of pleasure , and vniformitie is a better prospect then varietie . That putting to Sea , is change of life , but not of condition ; where risings and falls , Calmes , and crosse-gales are yours , in order and turne ; fore-windes but by chance . That it is the worst winde to haue no winde , and that your smooth fac'd Courtier , deading your course by a calme , giues greater impediment , then an open enimies crosse-gale . That leuitie is a vettue , for many are held vp by it . That it 's nothing so intricate and infinite , to rigge a Ship as a woman , and the more either is fraught , the apter to leake . That to pumpe the one , and shreeue the other , is alike noysome . That small faults habituated , are as dangerous as little leakes vnfound ; and that to punish and not preuent , is to labour in the pumpe , & leaue the leake open . That it is best striking Sayle before a storme , and necessariest in it . That a little time in our life is best , as the shortest cut to our Hauen is the happiest voyage . That to him that hath no Hauen , no winde is friendly ; and yet it is better to haue no Hauen , then some kinde of one . That expedition is euery where to bee bribed but at Sea . That gaine works this miracle , to make men walke vpon the water ; and that the sound of Commoditie drowns the noise of a Storme , especially of an absent one . That I haue once in my life out-gone night at Sea , but neuer darknesse ; and that I shall neuer wonder to see a hard world , because I haue liued to see the Sunne a bankrupt , being ready to starue for cold in his perpetuall presence . That a mans companions are ( like ships ) to be kept in distance , for falling foule one of another ; only with my friend I will close . That the fairest field for a running head is the Sea , where he may runne himselfe out of breath , and his humor out of him . That I could carrie you much further , and yet leaue more before then behinde , and all will be but via Nauis , without print or tracke , for so is morall instruction to youthes watrish humor . That though a Ship vnder Saile be a good sight , yet it is better to see her moor'd in the Hauen . That I care not what become of this fraile Barke of my flesh , so I saue the Passenger . And here I cast Anchor .

W. S.

Forreine Newes of the yeere 1616.

From France .

IT is deliuered from France , that the choise of friends there is as of their Wines : those that being new , are hard and harsh , proue best ; the most pleasing are least lasting . That an enemie fierce at the first onset , is as a torrent tumbling downe a Mountaine ; a while it beares all before it : haue but that whiles patience , you may passe it dry-foot . That a penetrating iudgement may enter into a mans minde by his bodies gate ; if this appeare affected , apish , and vnstable ; a wonder if that be setled .

That vaine-glory , new fashions , and the French disease , are vpon termes of quitting their Countries Allegeance , to be made free Denisons of England . That the wounds of an ancient enmitie haue their scarres , which cannot be so well closed to the sight , but they will lie open to the memorie . That a Princes pleasurable vices , vshered by authoritie , and waited on by conniuence , sooner punish themselues by the subiects imitation , then they can be reformed by remonstrance or correction ; so apt are all ill examples to rebound on them that giue them . That Kings heare truth oftner for the tellers , then their owne aduantage .

From Spaine .

THat the shortest out to the riches of the Indies , is by their contempt . That who is feared of most , feares most . That it more vexeth the proud , that men despise them , then that they not feare them . That greatnes is fruitfull enough , when other helps faile , to beget on it selfe destruction . That it is a grosse flattering of tyred crueltie , to honest it with the title of clemencie . That to eat much at other mens cost , and little at his owne , is the wholesomest and most nourishing diet , both in Court and Countrey . That those are aptest to domineere ouer others , who by suffering indignities haue learned to offer them . That ambition like a sillie Doue flies vp to fall downe , it mindes not whence it came , but whither it will . That enen Galley-slaues , setting light by their captiuitie , finde freedom in bondage . That to be slow in militarie businesses , is to be so courteous , as to giue the way to an enemie . That Lightning and greatnesse more feare then hurt .

From Rome .

THat the Venereall ( called veniall ) sin is to passe in the ranke of Cardinall vertues ; and that those should be held henceforth his Holinesse beneficiall friends , that sinne vpon hope of pardon . That where vice is a State-commoditie , he is an offender that often offends not . That Iewes and Curtezans there , are as beasts that men feed , to feed on . That for an Englishman to abide at Rome , is not so dangerous as report makes it ; since it skills not where we liue , so we take heed how we liue . That greatnesse comes not downe by the way it went vp , there being often found a small distance betweene the highest and the lowest Fortunes . That rackt authoritie is oft lesse at home then abroad regarded , while things that seem , are ( commonly ) more a far off then at hand feared .

From Venice .

THat the most profitable Banke , is the true vse of a mans selfe , whiles such as grow mouldy in idlenes , make their houses their Tombes , and die before their death . That many dangerous spirits lie buried in their wants , which had they means to their minds , would dare as much as those that with their better Fortunes ouertop them . That professed Curtezans , if they bee any way good , it is because they are openly badde . That frugalitie is the richest treasure of an estate , where men feede for hunger , cloath for cold and modestie , and spend for Honour , Charitie , and Safety .

From Germany .

THat the infectious vice of Drunken-good-fellowship , is like to sticke by that Nation as long as the multitude of Offenders so benums the sense of offending , as that a common blot is held no staine . That discretions must be taken by weight , not by tale : who doth otherwise , shall both proue his own too light , and fall short of his reckoning . That feare and a nice fore-cast of euery sleight danger , seldome giues either faithfull or fruitfull counsell . That the Empire of Germany , is not more great then that ouer a mans selfe .

From the Low Countries .

THat one of the sureft grounds of a mans libertie is , not to giue another power ouer it . That the most dangerous plunge whereto to put thine enemie , is desperation , while forcing him to set light by his owne life , thou makest him master of thine . That neglected danger lights soonest and heauiest . That they are wisest , who in the likely-hood of good , prouide for ill . That since pittie dwells at the next doore to miserie , he liueth most at ease that is neighboured with enuy . That the euill fortune of the warres , as well as the good , is variable .

Newes from my Lodging .

THat the best prospect is to looke inward . That it is quieter sleeping in a good conscience then a whole skin . That a soule in a fat body lies soft , and is loath to rise . That he must rise betimes who would cosen the Diuell . That Flatterie is increased , from a pillow vnder the elbow , to a bed vnder the whole body . That Policie is the vnsleeping night of reason . That hee who sleepes in the cradle of securitie , sinnes soundly without starting . That guilt is the Flea of the conscience . That no man is throughly awaked , but by affliction . That a hang'd Chamber in priuate , is nothing so conuenient as a hang'd Traitor in publike . That the religion of Papistrie , is like a curtaine , made to keepe out the light . That the life of most Women is walking in their sleep , and they talke their dreames . That Chambering is counted a ciuiller qualitie , then playing at tables in the Hall , though seruing-men vse both That the best bedfellow for all times in the yeare , is a good bed without a fellow . That he who tumbles in a calm bed , hath his tempest within . That he who will rise , must first lie downe and take humilitie in his way . That sleepe is deaths picture drawne to life , or the twi-light of life and death . That in sleepe wee kindely shake death by the hand ; but when we are awaked , wee will not know him . That often sleepings are so many trials to die , that at last we may do it perfectly . That few dare write the true newes of their Chamber : and that I haue none secret enough to tempt a strangers curiositie , or a Seruants discouerie .

God giue you good morrow . B. R.

Newes of my Morning worke .

THat to be good , the way is to be most alone , or the best accompanied . That the way to heauen is mistaken for the most Melancholywalke . That the most feare the worlds opinion , more then Gods displeasure . That a Court-friend seldome goes further then the first degree of Charitie . That the Diuell is the perfectest Courtier . That innocency was first cozen to man , now guiltinesse hath the neerest alliance . That sleepe is deaths Leger Embassador . That time can neuer be spent : wee passe by it and cannot returne . That none can be sure of more time then an instant . That sinne makes worke for repentance or the Diuell . That patience hath more power then afflictions . That euery ones memory is diuided into two parts : the part loosing all is the Sea , the keeping part is Land . That honesty in the Court liues in persecution , like Protestanss in Spaine . That Predestination and constancy are alike vncertaine to beiudged of . That reason makes loue the Seruing-man . That vertues fauour is better then a a Kings fauorite . That being sicke begins a suit to God , being wel possesseth it . That health is the Coach which carries to Heauen , sickenesse the post-horse . That worldly delights to one in extreame sickenesse , is like a high candle to a blinde man . That absence doth sharpen loue , presence strengthens it , that the one brings fuell , the other blowes till it burnes cleere : that loue often breakes friendship , that euer encreaseth loue . That constancy of women , and loue in men , is alike rare . That Arts is truths lugler . That falshood playes a larger part in the world then truth . That blinde zeale & lame knowledge are alike apt to ill . That fortune is humblest where most contemned . That no porter but resolution keepes feare our of mindes . That the face of goodnesse without a body is the worst wickednesse . That womens fortunes aspire but by others powers . That a man with a female wit is the worst Hermaphrodite . That a man not woorthy beeing a friend , wrongs himselfe by beeing in acquaintence . That the worst part of ignorance , is making good and ill seeme alike . That all this is newes onely to fooles .

Mris B.

Newes from the lower end of the Table .

IT is sayd among the folks here , that if a man die in his infancy , hee hath onely broke his fast in this world : If in his youth , hee hath left vs at dinner . That it is bed-time with a man at three score and ten ; and hee that liues to a hundred yeeres , hath walked a mile after supper . That the humble-minded man makes the lowest curtsie . That grace before meat , is our election before we were : grace after meatour saluation when wee are gone . The soule halts betweene two opinons , fals betweene two stooles . That a foole at the vpper end of the table , is the bread before the salt . He that hates to bee reprooued , sits in his owne light . Hunger is the cheapest sawce , and nature the cheapest guest . The sensible man and the silent woman are the best discoursers . Repentance without amendment , is but the shifting of a foule trencher . He that tels a lie to saue his credit , wipes his mouth with his sleeue to spare his napkin . The tongue of a icster is the fiddle that the hearts of the company dance to . The tongue of a foole carues a peace of his heart to euery man that sits next him . A silent man is a couered messe . The contented man onely is his owne caruer . He that hath many friends eates too much salt with his meat . That wit without discretion cuts other men meate and his owne fingers . That the soule of a chollericke man sits euer by the fire side . That patience is the lard of the leane meat of aduersity . The Epicure puts his money into his belly , and the Miser his belly into his purse . That the best company makes the vpper end of the table , and not the saltseller . The superfluity of a mans possessions , is the broken meate that should remaine to the poore . That the enuious keepes his knife in his hand , and swallowes his meat whole . A rich foole among the wife is a gilt empty bowle amongst the thirsty . Ignorance is an insensible hunger . The water of life is the best wine . He that robs mee of my inuention , bids himselfe welcome to another mans table , and I will bid him welcom when he is gone . The vaine-glorious man pisseth more then he drinks . That no man can drinke an health out of the cup of blessing . To surfet vpon wit , is more dangerous then to want it . He that 's ouercom of any passion is dry drunk . T is easier to fill the belly of faith , then the eye of reason . The rich glutton is better fed then taught . That faith is the elbow for a heauy soule to lean on , He that sinnes that he may repent , surfets that hee may take physicke . Hee that riseth without thankesgiuing , goes away and owes for his ordinary . Hee that beginnes to repent when he is old , neuer washed his hands till night . That this life is but one day of three meales , or one meale of three courses : childe-hood , youth , & old age . That to sup well , is to liue well : and that 's the way to sleepe well . That no man goes to bed till he dies , nor wakes till he is dead . And therefore

Good night to you heere , and good morrow heereafter ,

I. C.

Newes from the Church .

IT is thought heere , that the world was made for man , and not man for the world , and that therefore they take a crosse course that lye downe there . That those that will not rise , their souls must , and carry their bodies to Iudgement . That we haue spent one inheritance already , and are prodigall of this . That there is no hope beyond mercy , and that this is that time ; the next is of Iustice . That Christ when hee went away , left good seede in his Church ; and when hee comes againe , he shall finde Christians , but not faith . That the Diuell hath got vpon vs , the same way that hee did at the first , by drawing shadowes ouer substances , as he did the body ouer the soule . That Protestants weare the name of Christ for a Charme , as Papists doe the Crosse. That States vse it , the Clergy liue by it , the People follow it , more by a stream , then one by one . That all are religious rather then some . That euery one lookes to another , but not to himselfe . That they go so by throngs to Heauen , that it is to bee feared they take the broader waye . That the Church is in the world , like a Ship in the Sea ; the Elect in the Church , like Ionas amongst the Mariners . That to mend this , is to cheate the Diuell , to turne man the right side outward , and set the soule foremost againe . That the soule may be too ranke too , if wee looke not to it : and so a Puritane often times meets a Papist in superstition another way . That to binde from and to indifferent things , is equall , though it be thought otherwise . That some , out of a good meaning haue fallen this way into a vice . That these faults are more subtill ; and therefore lesse perceiued , and lesse to be blamed ; but as dangerous as the other , if they take heed . That the rule is in all things , the body and the soule must goe together , but the better before . That wee haue contended so long about the body of Religion , that some men thought it was dead . That so , Atheists are come into the Church , and that it will be as hard to cast them out as Diuels . That those , which haue thus broken the peace of Ierusalem , are obliged to satisfaction ; and those which first gaue them cause of amendment . That they are a good medicine one for another , and both a good Composition . That a pure Bishop is the best gouernment , if the pride on both sides would let them know it . That all Controuersies for the most part , leaue the truth in the middle , and are factious at both ends . That the Church hath this good by them , they cleanse the way for others , but not for themselues . That sincerity , in the cause of truth , is more worth then learning . That too much , and too little knowledge , haue made the world mad . That we haue a shorter cut to it , and a surer way then Drake had ouer the world , if wee could find it out . That euery man is a briefe of the whole ; & as he is so , he is greater then a King . That euery King is a briefe of his Land , and hee hath a Patterne of the gouernment of it alwayes abour him . That as the honour that he giues vnto his Nobles and Counsellours is a charge ; so is that which God giues him . That as hee requires an account , so he must giue . That he is the Image of God in his Kingdome , as man is in the World . That therefore the Subiects owe him obedience , as the Creatures doe Man . That those that will not obey , are neither good Subiects , nor good men . That to obey well , is as great a thing as to gouerne , and more mens duties . That those that thinke not so , know not the Christians part , which is to suffer . That though States bee naught , if they professe Religion , they may deliuer many men safe to Heauen , though they goe not themselues , and so they are like bad Ministers . That this is Gods vse of both , and of the world too , to conuey his Elect to their place . That the outward face of the Church hath but the same vse , and the Elect are the Church themselues . That they are the Temple of the holy Ghost , and therefore ought to plucke downe their Idols , and set vp God there . That the Idolles of these times , are Couetousnesse , Pride , Gluttony , Wantonnesse , Heresies , and such like admiration and seruing of our selues . That we must make all time an occasion of amendment , because the Diuell makes it an occasion to tempt . That he is a Spirit , and therefore is cunninger then we . Thar there is no way to resist him , but by the Spirit of God , which is his Master . That this is the gift of God , which he giueth to all that are his . That it is encreased by the word , and held by humility and prayer . That Faith is the effect of it , and workes the assurance .

That thus the vnderstanding and will , which is the whole soule of man , is made vp againe , and sanctifies the body . That so wee are the members of Christ . That our Head is in Heauen , as a Pawne , that where he is , we shall bee . That there is no opinion but knowledge ; for it is the Science of soules , and God the Teacher .

I. R.

Newes from the Bed .

THat the bed is the best Rendevou of mankinde , and the most necessarie ornament of a Chamber .

That Souldiers are good antiquaries in keeping the old fashion , for the first bed was the bare ground .

That a mans pillow is his best Counseller .

That Adam lay in state , when the heauen was his canopie .

That the naked truth is , Adam and Eue lay without sheets .

That they were either very innocent , very ignorant , or very impudent , they were not ashamed the heauens should see them lye without a couerlet

That it is likely Eue studied Astronomie , which makes the posteritie of her Sex euer since to lye on their backs .

That the circumference of the bed , is nothing so wide as the conuex of the heauens , yet it contains a whole world .

That the fiue Senses are the greatest sleepers .

That a slothfull man is but a reasonable Dormouse .

That the Soule euer wakes to watch the bodie .

That a Iealous man sleeps dog-sleep .

That sleep makes no difference between a wife man and a foole .

That for all times sleep is the best bedfellow .

That the deuill and mischiefe euer wake .

That Loue is a dreame .

That the preposterous hopes of ambitious men are like pleasing dreames , farthest off when awake .

That the bed payes Venus more custome then all the world beside .

That if dreames and wishes had been all true , there had not been since Poperie , one Maide to make a Nun of .

That the secure man sleeps soundly , and is hardly to be awak't .

That the charitable man dreames of building Churches , but starts to thinke the vngodly Courtier will pull them down againe .

That great sleepers were neuer dangerous in a state .

That there is a naturall reason , why popish Priests chuse the bed to confesse their women vpon , for they hold it necessarie , that humiliation should follow shrift .

That if the bed should speake all it knowes , it would put many to the blush .

That it is fit the bed should know more then paper .

R. S.

Newes from Shipbord .

THat Repentance without amendment , is like continuall pumping , without mending the leake .

That he that liues without Religion , sayles without a compasse .

That the wantonnesse of a peacefull Common-wealth , is like the playing of the Porpesse before a storme .

That the foole is Sea sick in a Calme , but the Wisemans stomacke endures all weathers .

That passions in a foole are Ord'nance broken loose in a storm , that alter their propertie of offending others and ruine himselfe .

That good Fortunes are a soft quick-sand , aduersitie a rocke ; both equally dangerous .

That Vertue in pouertie is a ready rigg'd Ship that lyes wind bound .

That good fashion in a man is like the Pilot in a Ship , that doth most with least force .

That a Fooles tongue is like the buye of an Ankor , you shall finde his heart by it wheresoeuer it lyes .

Wisdome makes vse of the crosses of this world , asskilfull Pylots of Rocks for Sea-marks to saile by .

H. R.

Newes from the Chimney corner .

THat wit is Brushwood , Iudgment Timber : the one giues the greatest flame , the other yeelds the durablest heat , and both meeting makes the best fire .

That Bawdes and Atturneyes are Andyrons that hold vp their Clyents till they burne each other to Ashes : they receiue warmth by these ; these by them their destruction .

That a Wise-rich-man is like the backe or stocke of the Chimney , and his wealth the fire , it receiues not for it owne need , but to reflect the heat to other good .

That House-keeping in England is falne from a great fire in a hot summers day , to boughes in the Chimney all winter long .

That mans reason in matter of faith is Fire , in the first degree of his ascent flame , next smoake , and then nothing .

A young fellow falne in loue with a Whore , is said to be falne asleepe in the Chimney corner .

Hee that leaues his friend for his wench , forsakes his bed to sit vp and watch a coale .

That the couetous rich man onely freezes before the fire .

That Choller is an ill guest that pisses in the Chimney for want of a Chamber-pot .

That chaste Beautie is like the bellowes , whose breath is cold , yet makes others burne .

That hee that expounds the Scriptures vpon the warrant of his owne spirit only , layes the brands together without tongs , and is sure ( at least ) to burne his owne fingers .

That the Louer keeps a great fire in 's house all the yeere long .

That deuotion , like fire in frostie weather , burnes hottest in affliction .

That such Fryers as flie the world for the trouble of it , lye in bed all day in winter to spare firewood .

That a couetous man is a dog in a wheele , that toyles to roast meat for other mens eating .

The Pagans worshipping the Sunne are said to hold their hands to the Gloworme in stead of a coale for heat .

That a Wisemans heart is like a broad hearth , that keeps the coales ( his passions ) from burning the house .

That good deeds in this life , are coales raked vp in embers , to make a fire next day .

FINIS .