You
who
will
heare
some
newes
worth
admiration
,
List
to
Sir
Leonard
Lacke-wits
Promulgation
.
IN
the
times
of
Yore
,
some
4.
dayes
since
,
in
Christmas
holy
dayes
,
when
pease
beganne
to
bloome
,
about
the
midst
of
November
,
when
the
signe
was
in
Shrovetuesday
;
and
the
Moone
in
May-day
,
I
met
King
Janus
leading
a
band
of
Butter-flies
,
against
the
Tartars
in
Tower
street
,
but
with
a
blast
from
Bosomes
Inne
,
the
three
Kings
of
Cullin
were
sent
into
Pater-noster
Row
to
buy
Parsnips
,
when
by
the
intercession
of
Morpheus
,
Muld-Sacke
was
metamorphosed
into
an
Ale-house
.
The
Bull
of
Phalleris
broke
out
of
the
parish
Garden
,
and
flew
three
Pigeons
in
the
Poultry
Counter
.
Alexis
inraged
(
with
silence
broke
out
)
into
a
great
fury
against
Painters
,
while
poore
Tom
of
Bedlem
broke
the
head
of
Cerberus
with
the
Ore
of
Charon
.
Atlanta
and
Hipomones
plaid
at
foot-ball
in
Tuttle
fields
:
The
petty-foggers
of
Virginia
set
Hercules
and
Caucasus
together
by
the
eares
,
about
the
drinking
of
fryed
Hartichokes
.
The
blue
bores
of
Islington
Forrest
leapt
over
Pancrasse
Church
to
invade
the
Turkes
Army
in
Bosworth
field
:
these
things
(
with
diligent
negligence
)
were
told
to
the
Emperour
of
Pyramedes
,
who
sent
foure
dripping
pannes
to
tell
great
Tamberlaine
,
that
London
had
never
a
Cuckold
in
it
.
King
Priam
hearing
this
ioyfull
newes
,
tooke
two
quarts
of
scalding
Gun-powder
,
and
dranke
a
health
to
the
sixe
Wind-mills
in
Gracious
street
.
Aesculapius
gave
a
glister
to
Aristippus
,
&
made
him
vomit
as
much
horsbread
as
served
to
feed
Bucephalus
eight
hundred
yeeres
and
fifty
foure
moneths
;
the
South
wind
seeing
things
to
be
so
carryed
at
Totnam
Court
,
sent
out
a
warrant
to
catch
the
River
of
Severne
in
a
mouse-trap
;
all
the
Shoomakers
shops
on
Salisbury
plaine
were
(
without
hands
)
removed
to
the
toppe
of
Grantham
steeple
.
Pandion
Prince
of
Athens
sent
Grobendunke
the
Grasier
to
the
signe
of
the
three
Pigeons
in
Cowcumber
Alley
,
to
enquire
for
Raddle
the
Ratcatcher
;
while
this
hurly
burly
was
in
Crooked
lane
,
there
came
a
Post
riding
upon
a
Mackerill
,
that
brought
newes
from
Sparta
,
that
Ganimede
and
Iupiter
were
gone
to
Ierusalem
to
eate
steakes
at
Nicholas
Shambles
.
All
the
Sopeboylers
in
Sandrocola
made
petition
to
the
King
of
Sclavonia
,
to
set
up
shop
upon
Madames
Court
hill
.
King
Admetus
of
Thesaly
sayling
along
the
Coast
of
Shoreditch
,
met
the
Pinder
of
Wakefield
at
Saint
Giles
in
the
fields
,
betweene
whom
and
the
Carryer
of
Carthage
was
a
cruell
combate
about
the
beating
of
Saint
Thomas
a
Watering
;
the
cryer
of
Constantinople
was
sent
to
Long
Acre
,
&
to
cry
a
blue
bitch
that
was
lost
at
Shrewsbery
;
in
the
meane
time
foureteene
ounces
of
Nutmegs
,
and
tenne
kilderkins
of
Ale
,
were
controverting
about
the
Pope
and
the
Divell
.
The
Turkish
Sultan
led
an
army
into
Plutarchs
Morals
;
and
being
met
at
Coventry
,
by
the
Tinker
of
Turvy
,
hee
was
overthrowne
at
Canturbury
,
neere
Harrow
on
the
Hill
,
when
suddenly
the
blind
man
of
Hollowell
turned
starre-gazer
,
and
made
Almanacks
as
true
as
any
of
the
fraternity
:
then
with
93.
yards
of
ell
broad
packthread
,
the
King
of
Egypt
led
the
Earle
of
Acherow
over
the
oeconomical
Ocean
into
Parnaflus
ferry
,
and
with
a
boat
made
of
Whale
bones
hee
sayled
from
Easter
munday
to
Saint
Albanes
;
the
Prince
of
Plebeans
invited
Heliogabalus
to
a
supper
of
Sprats
,
on
Whitsunday
in
the
morning
.
Tom
Teltroth
met
with
Aquarius
at
Stratford
Langton
,
and
broke
his
water-tankard
against
a
snow-ball
that
lay
on
the
top
of
Middleborough
Castle
;
then
with
foure
drammes
of
Hilarity
,
and
eleven
ounces
of
Lachrymae
,
the
Duke
of
duplicity
made
a
simple
compounded
potion
,
to
give
to
god
Bacchus
,
for
a
mornings
draught
after
supper
;
all
the
pudding-pyes
in
Fleet
Lane
leapt
for
ioy
,
when
they
heard
this
Nuncius
,
for
they
ignorantly
knew
that
when
Fryer
Bacon
came
from
Trumpe
Alley
,
the
Sophy
of
Persia
should
rue
his
voyage
to
Peticoat
lane
;
thus
in
a
calme
commotion
the
Peeres
of
Pye-corner
ranne
to
Aleppo
by
candle
light
,
and
enformed
the
great
master
of
Malta
,
what
sport
was
at
Sturbridge
fayre
.
The
fire-shovell
and
the
tongs
sate
in
consultation
,
and
(
with
disparity
)
agreed
upon
the
point
,
the
summe
of
their
calculation
was
this
,
that
sea-coales
being
so
cheape
,
whether
the
fault
was
in
the
Merchant
,
or
the
Woodmonger
;
when
presently
two
Humble-Bees
divided
the
controversie
,
that
seeing
an
Asse
is
a
beast
,
why
should
not
an
Owle
be
a
bird
?
After
this
the
Ace
of
spades
in
a
merry
(
malecontent
)
went
over
into
Ireland
to
talke
with
the
Emperor
of
Russia
,
about
the
battell
of
Cressy
,
Propertius
some
eight
yeeres
hence
,
put
himselfe
apprentice
to
Pegasus
;
whereof
Prometheus
hearing
,
came
presently
to
Duke
Humphries
(
in
Long
lane
)
and
vowed
the
death
of
all
honest
Brokers
.
Don
Iohn
of
Austria
married
Pope
Vrbans
sonne
at
Alexandria
on
Candlemas
day
a
weeke
after
Easter
.
Sisiphus
threw
a
stone
at
Tantalus
,
who
(
in
revenge
)
beat
out
his
braines
with
a
roasted
apple
.
The
Puritanes
of
Argeere
having
notice
of
Cheapsides
honour
,
went
dancing
the
Morris
from
Dover
to
Callis
;
while
these
things
were
in
action
at
Brinigham
,
Will
Summers
frighted
Cardinall
Wolsey
with
an
Oxe
hide
,
and
made
him
runne
to
Rome
with
a
morter
on
his
head
.
An
invincible
navy
of
Gnats
sayled
thorow
White
Chappell
,
and
landed
at
Rotterdam
;
which
so
amazed
Erasmus
,
that
he
turned
over
twelve
leaves
of
his
Booke
:
The
Hungarians
seeing
this
,
sent
post
to
Primrose
hill
to
give
notice
to
the
Duke
of
Hellespont
,
what
brave
spiced
Cakes
were
at
Hogsdon
;
In
the
interim
Rumny
Marsh
made
preparation
for
the
entertainment
of
Smithfield
Barres
.
Haniball
the
Romane
,
and
Scipio
the
Carthagenian
wrastled
in
Moore
fields
,
while
the
Tripewives
of
Braineford
sayled
to
London
in
Cockle
shells
;
all
the
Spider-catchers
of
Dublin
were
sent
to
Waterford
to
kill
Adders
.
The
Realto
of
Venice
fell
at
ods
with
Saint
Michaels
at
Coventry
,
about
paying
tythes
to
Doctor
Story
,
which
caused
such
a
friendly
commotition
in
Milford
Haven
,
that
the
besiegers
were
afraid
of
the
besieged
.
All
the
Bells
in
Woodstreet
Counter
rung
merrily
,
when
they
heard
that
the
King
of
Aethiopias
Generall
was
slaine
.
Colbrand
the
Danish
Dwarfe
tooke
advantage
of
Tom
Thumbs
victory
,
and
led
an
Army
of
Broome-staves
to
the
toppe
of
Bansteed
Downes
,
and
there
hee
encountred
with
Pericles
the
Prince
of
Tyre
upon
Bromly
Common
,
and
overthrew
him
in
Lincolns
Inne
fields
.
The
Pierian
Valleys
(
betweene
Europe
and
Gravesend
)
were
strewed
over
with
Primroses
,
for
ioy
that
the
Queen
of
hearts
was
returned
from
Quinborough
.
The
Beadle
of
Bewmorris
tooke
Sardinapalus
in
Bloomesberry
,
and
carryed
him
to
the
Bridewell
in
Barwicke
,
thinking
hee
had
bin
a
common
whore
of
Deptford
.
Michael
Ioseph
the
Blacke-Smith
stole
a
hammer
and
a
paire
of
pincers
from
Vulcan
,
for
which
old
Mulciber
brought
him
before
the
Collier
of
Croydon
,
who
committed
his
carkasse
to
the
Mag-Pyes
of
Padington
.
The
Burgomasters
of
Battersea
learned
out
of
Chaucers
Dictionary
,
that
rowing
far
passes
either
riding
or
running
.
Heraclitus
laught
to
see
Battle
Bridge
brought
to
Bilinsgate
in
a
Boat
:
while
newes
was
told
to
great
Agamemnon
,
that
Rocius
should
come
to
act
,
Wit
,
whither
wilt
thou
,
at
the
Fortune
.
The
Scholers
in
Finsberry
iayle
gave
great
thankes
to
the
Tombe
of
King
Pharomond
for
giving
relaxation
to
the
Custards
of
Chelsea
.
Strange
sights
were
seen
at
Cuckolds
Haven
neere
Ludlow
:
three
men
had
foure
hands
&
five
legs
.
The
Post-master
of
Hockly
in
the
hole
,
rode
upon
a
greene
Grey-hound
from
Greenewich
Castle
to
Gaunt
,
in
lesse
than
foure
daies
and
forty
eight
houres
,
to
the
great
admiration
of
the
Caliph
of
Babylon
.
Though
a
man
and
a
horse
be
of
different
qualities
,
yet
t
is
knowne
by
experience
throughout
all
Saint
Georges
fields
,
that
a
whore
can
drinke
as
good
wine
as
an
honest
woman
,
and
though
a
man
were
as
chast
as
Leda
,
as
honest
as
Meselina
,
and
as
constant
as
Clitemnestra
,
yet
in
the
judgement
of
some
,
Lucretia
,
Penelope
,
and
Peroe
,
shall
bee
counted
the
better
men
.
A
Stork
is
a
strange
bird
,
&
so
is
a
Duck
,
but
by
the
counsell
of
King
Cleopatra
and
Queene
Antonia
,
no
man
ought
to
pay
money
before
he
hath
it
;
nay
,
I
dare
avouch
it
from
the
authority
of
Silvius
past
honesty
,
that
fifteene
Partridges
are
better
than
seventeen
redde
Herrings
and
eighteene
sprats
to
boot
:
but
he
that
eats
Frogs
in
the
fields
,
must
not
scorne
Hens
and
Capons
at
home
;
for
t
is
very
probable
,
that
if
Amphitrion
should
catch
Iupiter
in
bed
with
his
wife
Alcumena
,
hee
'd
thinke
hee
is
a
Cuckold
,
though
he
be
none
:
but
did
Anchises
know
that
Niobe
sold
butter
in
Newgate
Market
;
hee
'd
send
to
the
Constable
of
Chester
,
and
fetch
her
away
,
manger
the
Maior
of
Lutterworth
.
Old
Hobson
the
Hermes
of
the
Muses
,
is
gone
to
drive
Charles
his
Wayne
:
but
you
must
imagine
that
Mackarels
are
not
sold
twelve
a
groat
al
the
yeere
long
:
Though
a
man
were
as
wise
as
Pamus
,
and
rich
as
Irus
,
and
as
handsome
as
Aesop
,
yet
a
boy
of
two
yeeres
old
may
be
as
honest
.
In
a
moment
of
time
,
before
a
man
could
have
gone
from
Barwicke
to
Bristow
and
backe
againe
,
Fryer
Francis
had
said
Mattins
,
eaten
his
breakefast
,
kist
his
Lemmon
,
and
was
gone
as
farre
as
Mid-summer
,
before
old
Pentecost
was
aware
.
Some
thinking
Herostrates
was
but
a
Ninihammer
for
burning
Dianas
Temple
;
but
in
my
conceit
Icarus
and
Dedalus
might
have
scapt
drowning
if
they
had
caught
hold
on
Windsore
Castle
.
Telyphus
King
of
Mysya
had
certainely
but
bad
counsellors
:
for
the
crosse
daggers
in
Monks
Kirbie
,
would
haue
cured
him
better
than
all
the
rust
upon
the
speare
of
Achilles
:
But
if
the
Tanner
of
Tamworth
come
next
Munday
to
Leaden
Hall
,
it
is
a
troublesome
day
to
the
mighty
Miller
of
Newport
pannell
.
By
the
report
of
old
women
and
dogges
,
t
is
neede
that
makes
the
old
wife
trot
.
Thus
with
parsimonious
and
profuse
Housekeepers
,
Sir
Leonard
Lackwit
kept
his
C●…
stmas
from
Bartholmewtide
,
untill
Saint
Iefferies
Eve
,
and
then
an
Asse
was
sent
to
him
in
Ambassage
from
the
ignominiall
Emperour
of
Vtopia
;
by
whom
he
was
most
fastidiously
bid
welcome
,
and
with
incomprehensible
kindnesse
cast
into
an
invisible
dungeon
,
from
whence
being
brought
to
offend
and
abuse
himselfe
against
his
excusers
,
hee
made
a
long
and
insipient
Oration
in
Oxhameter
Verse
,
that
for
the
quantity
of
their
feet
may
out-trip
Ladas
the
footman
of
Macedonian
Alexander
.
But
stay
my
Muse
:
we
shal
be
betraied
anon
:
therefore
let
us
give
place
to
Sir
Leonard
Lack-wit
,
and
let
him
speake
for
himselfe
.
for
should
any
sense
be
found
in
this
Legend
,
all
the
sport
were
quite
spoyled
.
Therefore
,
Silence
my
masters
,
while
J
do
indever
Unto
you
(
in
obscure
termes
)
to
deliver
,
A
Speech
made
to
the
Emperor
of
Vtopia
,
Spoken
in
heathen
Greeke
,
or
Ethiopia
.
T
is
b●tter
stored
with
rime
than
t
is
with
reason
But
if
t
were
worse
it
now
would
come
in
season
,
For
t
is
against
the
Authors
first
intention
,
If
any
wit
be
found
in
this
invention
Stand
further
off
,
war
shins
,
lest
I
shud
wrong
you
,
When
these
swift
rimes
come
galoping
among
you
.
To
that
most
ignoble
Icarion
Idiot
Mag-pye
among
men
,
and
a
Bull-begger
among
Birds
and
Beasts
,
Signior
Anonimus
Jgnoto
,
Emperour
of
Vtopia
,
great
King
of
Fairy
Land
,
Prince
of
the
high
and
mighty
Nation
,
called
the
Pigmies
,
Duke
of
Diomondo
,
Earle
of
Clappardudgeon
,
Governor
of
Greenland
,
and
al
the
inhabitable
Ilands
in
that
waste
part
of
the
Terrestrial
Globe
,
Sir
Leonard
Lack-wit
his
Masterships
most
sublime
vassall
,
greeteth
in
this
manner
.
O
thou
who
art
the
onely
Dominator
Ore
all
these
spacious
bounds
of
Erra
Pater
,
Thou
that
dost
rule
even
from
the
wals
of
Bantā
Vnto
the
very
confines
of
Bizantam
,
To
thee
great
King
of
Crickets
,
geese
&
ganders
I
that
was
once
one
of
thy
chiefe
commanders
,
Now
to
such
honour
by
that
meanes
am
risen
,
That
I
have
leave
to
famish
in
thy
prison
.
I
that
lived
like
a
Lord
among
thy
Laquies
,
Now
know
not
at
what
rate
a
pint
of
Sacke
is
:
I
that
with
Beefe
and
Bacon
fed
my
Carkis
,
Now
hardly
know
what
kind
of
meat
a
Lark
is
,
I
that
thy
Gardner
was
to
dig
and
delve
it
,
Have
never
a
sute
but
sattin
,
plush
or
velvet
.
I
that
was
wont
to
keep
frogs
from
thy
trenches
Am
now
enjoyn'd
to
keep
but
just
ten
wenches
.
I
that
have
heretofore
danc't
many
a
merry
Iig
,
Am
now
at
last
constrained
to
weare
a
periwig
:
Yet
know
,
great
mongril
,
that
J
do
not
feare
thee
,
Nor
would
I
have
thee
think
that
I
do
ieer
thee
.
If
thou
tell
me
that
I
want
understanding
,
To
have
the
I
le
of
dogs
at
my
commanding
,
I
tell
thee
plainely
I
conceive
great
ielousie
,
That
thou
thy selfe
art
but
a
foole
aswell
as
I
,
Although
my
name
be
Lack-wit
,
yet
it
may
be
,
That
I
have
wit
enough
to
please
a
Lady
,
I
de
have
thee
know
that
I
a
man
of
note
am
,
My
father
once
was
Alderman
of
Gotam
.
I
have
observed
by
my
neglective
knowledge
,
That
al
the
wise
men
come
not
from
the
colledg
,
And
I
have
known
a
dunce
(
as
was
thy
grandser
Demand
a
thing
which
Doctors
cannot
answer
,
And
t
is
apparant
both
to
good
and
bad
men
,
That
those
who
have
no
wit
are
fools
or
madmen
Yet
I
have
seene
a
drunkard
oft
goe
reeling
,
When
yet
his
head
hath
hardly
toucht
the
seeling
.
The
Proverbe
sayes
,
Plain
dealing
is
a
iewell
,
And
I
in
Lent
am
glad
of
Watergrewell
.
Wert
thou
as
mercifull
as
was
Busiris
,
Yet
to
have
iustice
of
thee
my
desire
is
.
Nay
hadst
thou
as
much
ease
as
hath
Ixion
,
Yet
may
a
Mouse
run
safely
by
a
Lion
;
Nay
more
,
wert
thou
as
true
and
iust
as
Simon
,
Yet
may
thy
Table
serve
for
men
to
dine
on
.
These
things
have
oft
tane
up
my
contemplation
Me
thinkes
a
Hangman's
no
good
occupation
:
And
though
my
teeth
within
my
bosom
chatter
Be
't
known
to
thee
,
I
came
not
here
to
flatter
:
It
glads
me
more
to
heare
a
Carman
whistle
,
Than
to
smell
thee
when
thou
dost
fart
&
fistle
.
The
fals
of
great
men
through
ambitious
climing
To
poore
men
oft
occasion
gives
of
riming
,
Yet
should
blind
Homer
see
what
here
I
utter
,
T
is
ten
to
one
but
he
'd
against
me
mutter
.
And
I
le
be
sworne
on
Ciceroes
Epistles
,
One
sheafe
of
wheat
is
worth
a
load
of
thistles
.
There
's
many
travellers
find
newes
to
brag
on
,
That
are
as
true
as
Trundles
Sussex
Dragon
:
But
when
the
wandring
Iew
coms
to
Westchester
He
'l
tell
at
Coventry
what
's
done
at
Leister
,
If
I
should
say
I
was
at
Leipsitch
battle
,
J
doubt
some
men
would
think
't
wer
idle
prattle
.
but
ther
s
rare
wonders
told
in
kentstreet
garison
Your
weekly
newes
to
that
maks
no
comparison
.
I
oftentimes
have
heard
my
Grandam
wonder
,
Why
sheep
and
wolves
should
live
so
far
asunder
I
did
resolve
her
doubt
,
yet
I
said
nothing
Wolves
be
not
known
from
sheep
clad
in
sheeps
clothing
.
Yet
I
confesse
,
t
is
more
fit
for
King
Priam
,
To
talke
of
these
things
than
such
fools
as
I
am
.
Wel
though
these
lofty
matters
are
past
my
sense
The
proverbe
saith
,
losers
may
speak
by
licence
.
And
now
great
Monopoly
having
vented
My
empty
vessell
,
I
am
well
contented
,
What
saist
thou
to
me
?
why
didst
thou
convent
me
To
tel
the
news
for
which
thou
maist
torment
me
Tush
I
regard
thy
spight
lesse
than
a
token
,
For
thou
canst
take
no
hold
of
what
I've
spoken
:
I
nonsence
spoke
on
purpose
to
deceive
thee
,
Now
farewell
:
as
I
found
thee
,
so
I
le
leave
thee
.
This
witlesse
and
eloquent
Oration
,
being
uttered
with
loud
taciturnity
,
the
whole
Court
of
All-draymen
rose
up
every
one
with
a
most
virulent
aspersion
giving
reprobation
to
the
same
.
The
mightlesse
Emperour
hearing
Sir
Leonard
speake
so
ill
in
his
owne
offence
,
though
before
hee
was
egregiously
exasperated
,
and
highly
pleased
with
him
,
yet
now
he
so
overcame
his
infections
,
that
love
was
changed
into
inveterate
good
will
;
while
this
cause
was
betraied
at
Westminster
Hall
,
the
Turkish
Gallies
landed
at
Totnam
high
Crosse
,
and
encountring
with
the
sumptuous
Crosse
at
Abington
,
were
overthrowne
at
Dunstable
,
and
carryed
prisoners
to
the
great
bed
in
Ware
.
Newes
was
brought
to
the
King
of
Morocco
that
Vlysses
and
Aiax
were
to
play
a
set
at
Maw
for
the
Armes
of
Patroclus
.
Thus
with
friendly
combates
and
tragicall
imbracings
,
the
Soldan
of
Saint
Omes
at
the
Sarazens
head
in
Carter
lane
,
went
to
the
signe
of
True
the
Taylor
in
Thred-needle
street
,
where
having
dined
about
foure
of
the
clocke
in
the
morning
,
they
sayld
from
thence
in
a
boat
on
dry
land
,
to
the
top
of
Marlborrow
Castle
,
&
arrived
at
Peckidilly
hall
in
Amsterdam
,
on
the
forty
foure
of
December
,
twenty
eigh●
houres
after
midnight
,
Minos
and
Pasiphae
were
married
in
Queenes
Street
,
and
soone
after
they
fell
at
variance
about
the
Bull
at
Bishopsgate
.
Thus
t
is
for
great
men
to
marry
their
Chambermaids
by
the
opinion
of
squint-eyed
cur-dog
.
Marriage
and
hanging
goes
by
destiny
,
hee
that
had
lived
three
hundred
yeeres
,
and
seen
never
a
merry
day
,
I
know
no
reason
why
antiquity
and
his
owne
experience
may
not
teach
him
to
see
as
farre
into
a
milstone
as
a
younger
body
.
But
as
Elenor
Rumming
sayes
,
What
will
not
people
doe
to
get
money
for
strong
Ale
?
so
there
is
no
creature
so
able
to
master
a
man
as
a
shrew
.
Though
London
and
Yorke
bee
a
great
way
asunder
,
yet
man
and
wife
may
fall
out
and
be
friends
againe
.
You
would
think
it
were
a
great
wonder
to
see
a
mouse
catch
a
cat
,
and
truely
so
should
I
;
but
were
the
King
of
Clubs
of
my
mind
,
all
the
world
should
bee
goeurned
by
the
foure
elements
.
Diogenes
was
but
an
asse
to
looke
for
an
honest
man
in
Athens
,
for
if
hee
would
but
make
a
steppe
to
Westminster
in
the
terme
time
he
might
finde
a
million
,
nor
can
it
be
otherwise
imagined
,
but
that
if
Sir
Ignis
Fatuus
had
not
been
wiser
than
Phaeton
,
all
the
world
had
been
burnt
to
Pyecrust
;
for
the
siege
of
Ierusalem
was
but
as
Schollers
shut
out
their
masters
against
Christmas
,
in
comparison
of
Hollands
Leager
:
but
of
all
trades
that
bee
,
Coblers
and
Botchers
come
most
neere
to
the
practice
of
goodnesse
,
for
they
are
still
of
the
mending
hand
;
and
of
the
two
the
Cobler
deserves
precedency
,
for
hee
mends
the
sole
,
and
the
Botcher
only
repaires
the
body
.
When
egges
were
sold
for
twenty
a
penny
,
a
man
might
have
filled
his
belly
for
sixe
pence
:
but
now
adayes
,
there
is
no
lesse
than
your
three
penny
Ordinary
,
that
can
give
a
mans
stomacke
satisfaction
.
Old
Histeron
et
Proteron
the
Carter
,
went
to
Smithfield
to
fetch
a
load
of
Hay
,
to
feed
Equiculus
the
huge
and
mighty
horse
of
Bacchus
,
but
being
met
at
Scandroon
by
(
swiftfooted
)
Saturne
,
his
Cart
was
overthrowne
upon
Braineford
Bridge
,
and
his
hay
was
carryed
(
away
in
a
whirle
wind
)
to
the
top
of
Bow
steeple
.
Castor
and
Pollux
ranne
at
tilt
in
Cuckold
pound
,
with
speares
made
of
Cantharides
,
for
the
love
of
pudding
Pye
Doll
.
Queene
Hecuba
kept
an
eight
penn●
Ordinary
in
Bethlem
,
and
Hellen
sold
milke
at
Hackny
.
While
Wat
Tyler
and
King
Guendolina
went
a
fishing
in
a
Leaden
boat
over
the
Ale
Anticke
Ocean
into
the
forrest
of
Dean
in
Asia
Minor
,
thus
with
contaminous
and
dulcid
favours
the
inhabitants
of
Green
land
putrified
and
perfumed
their
unparalelled
palace
for
the
entertainement
of
the
greasie
and
most
horrible
Emperour
of
Vtopia
(
before
mentioned
)
a
white
Raven
was
sent
on
an
errrand
to
Castle
Angelo
,
to
tell
the
Pope
and
his
Cardinals
,
that
Easter
day
happens
on
a
Sunday
.
A
mouse
came
swimming
over
the
River
of
Rhine
,
with
an
Elephant
on
his
backe
,
and
told
the
Burgers
of
Basingstocke
,
that
good
Ale
and
Beere
may
be
made
of
Barly
;
which
they
incredibly
beleeving
,
gave
testimony
to
the
Fryers
minoritis
at
Vienna
,
that
Lemmons
are
good
sawce
to
mutton
;
then
by
the
advertisment
of
Primrose
hill
,
an
agreement
was
made
betweene
Dove-houses
and
salt-Peeter
men
forever
:
The
Articles
being
written
with
a
Spiders
feather
.
The
blacke
dogge
of
Newgate
hath
lately
brought
strange
tidings
out
of
Tripiloe
,
among
the
rest
,
that
Mahomet
is
preferred
to
be
Chaplaine
in
ordinary
to
Pluto
the
Prince
of
Avernus
.
King
Thomiris
and
Queene
Cyrus
very
lovingly
ranne
at
Barly
breake
,
upon
Horse-head
downe
neere
Redding
.
The
Blinde
begger
of
Bednall
Green
,
seeing
the
constant
mutability
of
this
permanent
age
,
put
on
a
paire
of
new
shooes
upon
his
shoulders
,
and
a
long
staffe
on
his
heeles
,
hee
went
with
remisse
and
carefull
heed
to
the
Vice-Roy
of
Naples
,
and
raised
a
hue
and
cry
against
the
Hogges
of
Doctor
Faustus
,
for
rooting
up
the
corne
upon
Rochester
bridge
.
The
Fishwives
of
Feversham
came
in
rage
to
Billinsgate
,
and
tooke
away
the
Cucking
stoole
,
and
carrying
it
into
Saint
Christophers
Iland
,
burnt
it
in
the
River
of
Nylus
,
neere
Hartlerow
.
Palmirin
of
England
wandring
over
Blacke
Heath
to
finde
out
his
mother
Rowland
(
who
dyed
in
Armenia
the
great
)
chanc't
to
finde
a
Phoenix
nest
wherein
were
foureteene
old
ones
,
and
fifteene
young
ones
,
with
great
leasure
and
much
speed
,
hee
brought
them
(
as
a
present
)
to
the
King
of
Numidia
,
dwelling
at
Durham
,
who
very
currishly
accepted
them
,
and
to
shew
his
gratitude
,
preferred
him
to
bee
the
Pinder
of
Pancrasse
.
T
is
a
madde
world
when
a
Drunkard
must
breake
his
nose
through
want
of
a
post
to
run
against
.
Thus
promiscously
,
very
certaine
and
ambiguously
,
the
Scullers
of
Barnet
taught
Aeneas
Silvius
,
the
way
to
goe
to
Dunstable
by
water
,
while
Ware
and
Wades
mill
went
to
Hounslow
Heath
,
and
robbed
a
naked
Indian
in
New
England
.
An
Army
consisting
of
600000.
Frogs
,
tooke
shipping
at
Fathering
Castle
,
&
sayled
to
Constantinople
,
won
the
City
,
and
tooke
Gogmagog
the
Pigmy
that
was
Governour
,
whom
they
brought
into
Marow-bone
Park
,
and
there
throwing
him
over
boord
,
drown'd
him
on
Dunsmore
Heath
.
Thus
as
Sir
Leonard
Lack-wit
beganne
his
Legend
with
a
band
of
Butterflies
,
so
by
the
shallow
profundity
of
his
inscrutable
and
incapable
destruction
,
he
hath
fitted
his
marvelous
and
most
uncertaine
true
relation
,
to
finish
in
the
midst
with
an
Army
of
Frogs
.
Now
if
any
Readers
shall
question
the
truth
of
it
(
as
questionlesse
some
will
)
Let
them
survey
the
wonderfull
aad
incredible
true
Histories
of
Garagantua
,
Tom
Thumbe
,
Bevis
of
Southampton
,
with
a
thousand
more
,
and
they
shall
finde
that
unlesse
there
bee
lyes
in
them
,
this
must
needs
bee
true
.
Yet
the
Authors
who
published
those
,
thought
they
had
wit
enough
:
but
I
in
my
Title
confesse
lacke
of
wit
;
and
therefore
I
hope
I
am
the
more
excusable
;
but
howsoever
t
is
not
my
purpose
to
ravish
your
beleefe
,
and
to
bee
plaine
,
I
hardly
give
credit
to
't
my selfe
.