IS another Mephostophilus , or visible spirit , that s dayly diuing into Vauts and Cellars ; the custome of whose clamor is to cry anon , and restlesse post him to and from the Spiggot : Hee s one whose races first deriuatiue grew from the dregs but of some Brewers Dray-man , who for his liquors larger vtterance bindes him apprentice to an Inkeeper , where quickly learning to chalke two for one , as also how to fill with nicke and froth , becomes a Drawer for the Deuills owne drinking . Hee s a sworne wellcomer of all sorts of Drunkards that sit and call for 't at their costs and perills . His Cullionship oft-times becomes a Creditor that either must be forst to trust his betters , or cheat his Master if they pay not for it . Your Puncke or Oyster-wench ( excepted onely ) may score it at all times vpon bare trust , which hee s contented to take out in drudgery . Your Country Tapsters are of other kinde , sworne often brothers vnto Ostlers , and so consenting to each others secrets , as that to robberies they oft proue Accessories . Hee nere could teach himselfe more how to pray then that salt meat be euer in request , and may not want stale Beere to serue his customers , which must not so much quench as kindle thirst : and to that knauish end the Brewer and he well know that Rosin is a good ingredient . Hee s naturally addicted to a blew tuckt Apron with a blacke pouch thereto appendant , the chiefest Ensigne of his occupation . His greatest prouidence ( caring else for nought ) is to haue store of of Bottles gainst the Spring , which standing in their ranks like Muskateires , may soone discharge vpon the word Giue fire : Nothing affrights him like the Brewers Clarke whose comming with his Tallies proues more terrible then is a Sergeant to a younger brother . If once he come to draw but for himselfe , or may be trusted for some halfe a brewing , there s not a peasant on the earth so proud . Hence he aspiring , hopes to get a wife ( no matter of what calling or condition ) that soon may purchase him a house for victualling : His last of Ladders steppe proues then an Host : and further comes to bee a common Baile for such as are his daily benefactors , that vse to drinke and call in by the dozens . In briefe , had he but wit to his vnworthinesse , hee would become more knaue then could bee corrigible , and so continue till his last of breathing .

IS a Codling in Iuly that comes not to be ripe before September , howeuer sooner pluckt for wantonnes more then of taste or rellish it affordeth . It s the same Thing in her minoritie which we call a woman , who no sooner entring into the yeare of teene , but then begins to bloome and burnish much like the Strawberry the first fruit that s gathered . Time hath not taught her yet the dues of Matrimony : but well shee woteth , and hath often heard it , the summe or portion which her father giues her , ( besides the legacy her Grandsire left her ) is able keepe two maids at least . She scorneth now the thought but of a Rod , hauing that safegard which shall stand twixt her and it for such defence . Shee seekes imprimis how to sute her selfe as may accommodate with the times and fashions , therefore makes choice of such a Taylor as best can tell how to put her to charges . The next is , what best likes her ap●etite that hath beene queazy from her infancy , and feareth much her new come kitchin mayde will neuer please her in the buying or dressing . Shee knowes not how to chide her man without laughing , hauing beene so childishly familiar with seruants before her mariage . The most shee wanteth , are those tearmes to gossip it , being thereto nere accompanied with her Mother , and that which grieues her , is not to haue beene at womans labour , no not so much as her eldest sisters , not knowing how soone shee may ( vnexpert ) bee thereto occasioned : her shoomaker vexeth her beyond the rest , who maketh her foot seeme so vnfashionable or ouer-pinching as is not possible to be endured . If her new husband grant not what she asketh him , twenty to one but she falls a weeping , or will not arise the next day to dinner . Shee hates that woman of what sort soeuer , that weares a Beaner or a Ruffe so curious as may compare with hers for comelinesse . No neighbor suffers shee to approach her bedchamber ; not that it lyes so sluttish and vnhandsome , as for she hath not yet a casting-bottle , & a wrought Cushion-cloath which still her Husband forgets to buy her . Her care is next to haue her Picture drawne , could shee but meet that cunning Painter who drew my Lady being great with child . Her chiefest solace is to sit at door , and that on Sundayes commonly after Euensong , when being in her best and handsomest habit , she may bee gazed on like a May-game . She longs a moneth before she proues with childe , that so ouercloyd with choisest dainties , shee hath now a foolish minde to feed on spratts . There s nothing could content or pacifie her after the cat had kild her Sparrow , vntill she had a Parraquito bought her , which lik't her not a moneth till shee was weary of . Her second choice shee hopes , shall proue a Gentleman . If this content her not which now she hath , or things fadge otherwise then are expected , let them thanke her father for it , that made the match , and there s an end .

IS an ineuitable squeaking slaue of time , one that intrudes into any company vnder pretext of that old motto , wil't please you Gentlemen to heare any Musicke ; hee s such a mercenarie Rascal as makes a man induced to expence , & payes more for his eare then for his mouth ; he neuer draws in anger , but for profit : and that most commonly of meat , drinke and money : onely in darke mornings may it fall out otherwise ; that s forst to stand in doubtful expectation , and strike vp cheerfully at all aduentures , and perhaps in a showre of raine which dampes his sheepes guts . The most he aymeth at is after feasts and weddings , where he may be sure to fill his pockets , howere hee saile of further coynes reward . The next to that , is after Fayres and feastings , where hee presumeth it is impossible hee should meet with all repulses . His most ambition is after songs and clothes , with so much money as will buy new Fidles-strings . An old blew coat at the second turning sets vp his treble in the highest straine , that titles then himselfe some Lords Retayner . His totall meanes amounts but to fiue markes , which he hath miseraby beene scraping all his life-time , and cannot purchase yet a Cloake for Holy daies . If any man chance to breake his Instrument , hee bringeth straight his action of the Case being his Fidle case is without action ; his best of profit comes most times from Drunkards , and such as are lasciuiously inclin'd , whom hee prouoketh with more lewd temptation , Should he be blind , and after vse his trade , it must assume howere a larger priuiledge , onely dyes a Rogue by the Statute , and there 's his vltimum .

IS a refractorie kinde of Devill on Earth , meerly compos'd without a Conscience , and deales in onely such things desperate as either come by way of relaps , or otherwise happen at the second hand ; Hee 's as it were the sincke or common shore to all , or most of those commodities , which for necessity haue forst beene morgaged , or forfeited meerely without redemption . His first originall of base beginning grew from the corruption of some cut-throat vsurer , who matcheth many times his younger daughter with the first issue male of such a Syre . The horse-courser and hee are scarce distinguished which of the twaine proues the truest lurcher for buying cheapest and selling dearest , only the one bids , See what you lacke , whiles the other cheats you with vnknown diseases . His greatest profit comes most times from Theeues , and much is benefited by Bawdes and Bānkroutes ; onely the Hangman holds him to hard bargaines , that s forst to buy or barter at his pleasure : Honesty and hee are euer vnreciprocall , and stand more remote to either , then Hounsditch from Longlane ; or Tyburne almost from Turnbullstreet . The darkest shop makes his gaines the cleerer , which he obscures with sundry properties for such case prouided . Hee 's seldome seene abroad vnlesse at Out-cryes , where hee forestalles all sorts of buyers on that old watch-word of No man better . He makes it thirteen moneths to euery yeare , when any come to pay him interest , and takes the forfeit but of one dayes failing him . There 's nothing terrifies him like a Monopolie , thinking some presently are come to beg him for his quadruble extorting vsurie : Hee liues not commonly full out his time , for that his Master Mammon can no longer spare him , nor makes hee any will to vexe his conscience with giuing or bequeathing that so suddenly , which hath beene scrap'd vp with so long extremity . And therefore , to keepe decorum , he dyeth detestable . In briefe , no sooner is the caitiffe coffined ( which is the most can bee afforded him ) but downe so soone falls all his moueables , as there 's no mention left of such a miscreant .

IS such a kinde frolicke Coxcombrian , as scorning least the guilt of Couetuousnes , may easily be drawn to dye a Begger . Hee s one whose parents scrap'd vp by the ounce , that he spends & spatters by the pound . The name of vsury is to him so odious as rather then be toucht with taking interest , hee le sooner be content to lose the principall . The saying of old is verified in him . What pity t is he hath it not : and again , Hee s no mans foe but his owne . The fountaine of good fellowship consists in him , that rather then to part with boone companie will freely condiscend to stay til midnight , spending as much as the house dares trust him . Hee s none of those that takes care for to morrow , but bids in such case things bee as they may . The Taylor makes his cloathes at all aduentures , that being so scittish and fantasticall , will not stand still whiles hee 's taking measure . Nothing distasts him more then breach of promise , as not to meet in such a place in Fishstreet , all businesse and occasions set apart . Giue him but least of warning ouer-night , and hee s yours next day wholly to command . There cannot bee a greater iniury to his inuincible resolution as but to tender least towards the reckoning , which hee hath vow'd and sworne will see discharged , and for my part may hee neuer guilty be of periury . Hee seldome weares out any thing he buyes , but giues or lends it oft without returne , and that s it makes the Laundresse lose his linnen . Hee s bound for any man will but intreat him , and neuer thinks out till the time 's expired . His most of care is how to grow more lean , that hath so long been puft vs with Canary , as there 's no helpe out but hee must take Physicke . These sitting , long at supper kills his disgesture , and with his taking so much Tobacco the very kitchin-maid begins to loath him . His manner was of late to ryde & take the ayre , but now hath sold his horse to saue that charge : besides , hee hath so oft beene bidden Godfather , as now must pausing first bethinke himselfe . The last that followes ( being the Hell of all ) are those vndreamt of scuruy executions haue layd in the Poultry Compter ; wher wee leaue him .

IS he that harbours those conceits within him , which nothing better then a cudgell can beat out ; hee s of so different oppos'd opinion ▪ as would appropriate himselfe peculiar beyond the tract of vulgar dispositions ; Custome creates in him that habite which now is growne to such a height , as may bee term'd another nature . Giue him the reines , hee 'le gallop out of breath , or do but checke or crosse him nere so little , and you may cary him aswell to Bedlam ; Hee 's of that quaint society and behauiour , as not enduring to stay long in company , leaues you abruptly , without taking leaue : he finds not halfe so soone the cause of quarrell , as thereto proues occasioned without a cause . The more you seeke or offer to intreat him , the more inexorable he shewes himselfe , and yeelds no reason , but his rascall humor ; his manner is to sing sometimes at meat , because he would not be thought melancholly for want of money , and doth that which commonly hee 's most forbidden ; his outward cariage makes him much obserued , either fantasticall and most peruerse , or so demurely casting downe his head as if he were to study the Blacke Art . He cannot endure a long Grace , he loues not to eat of any thing that 's caru'd vnto him , nor can endure to sit long at dinner , but must haue needs Tobacco spite of Company . The want of money makes him then most mad , especially being denyed longer trust at the Ordinarie . He challengeth any man into the field that shall refuse to pledge his Mistresse health , although he meanes to be first drunke . He flings a Trencher forthwith at the face of him or them shall offer any musicke , bidding them pack away for Roguish Fidlers . His obstinacies heat growne more implacable , dares call that woman Whore that s not his mother . His maine of actions are without example , nor wil be perswaded by prescription of wisest , most , or worthiest whatsoeuer . Keepe him in darknesse eight and forty houres without releife of food , or sustenance , you somewhat may perhaps asswage his humour , but neuer shall reclaime him if you would hang him .

IS a Mushrom grown within compasse but of one nights breeding , and may be likened to that painted butterfly that flitters but a month in Summer , and staies not long at whatsoere he lights on ; hee s that first rare and forwardest fruit you cal a Ieniting , which ripes and rots soone both together : much differing from your lasting-Apple-Iohn . His thoughts are alwayes vpon presentactions , not looking least on what is past , and scornes to thinke any thing to come . Much bashfulnesse in him is long since vanished , and now hath boldnes made him more then impudent . He meerly hath forgot his kennell of-spring , and will no more bee pestred with intrusions of them that worthier might contemn his company ; his mothers cockering made him first a wanton , since when , conceited with his owne perfections , becomes more malepert then vnreprouable . Time nere could teach him how to keepe decorum being so lately spun as t' were and wouen , not stretcht as vpon the tenter-hooks , so little trial hath he had of waterings as ten to one , but hee le shrink him in wetting : the tailor much hath holpe him in the making , adding to his Ioynes that onward luster as therby would be thought another Absolon : hee s strong perswaded euery wench is in loue with him , especially hauing on his best apparell ; and wanteth no addition but a beard . All that he aymes at is to bee arrogant , not caring for best counsell or aduice . Last , he desires but money & good cloathes , let other matters happen as they may , and there s the period of his resolution .

IS a world of happines , that brings with it a Kingdome in conceit , and makes a perfect adiunct in societie ; shee s such a comfort as exceeds content , and proues so precious as cannot be paralleld , yea more inestimable then may be valued . Shee s any good mans better second selfe , the very mirror of true constant modesty , the carefull huswife of frugalitie , and dearest obiect of mans hearts felicitie . She commands with mildnesse , rules with discretion , liues in repute , and ordereth all things that are good or necessarie ; shee s her husbands solace , her Houses ornament , her childrens succor , and her seruants comfort . Shee s ( to be briefe ) the eye of warinesse , the tongue of silence , the hand of labour , and the hart of loue : Her voice is musicke , her countenance meeknesse ; her minde vertuous , and her soule gratious . Shee s a blessing giuen from God to man , a sweet companion in his affliction , and ioynt copartner vpon all occasions ; shee s ( to conclude ) earths chiefest Paragon , and will bee when shee dyes heauens dearest creature .

HE pretendeth not only to be quondam learned , but also in present a graue scribling Clerke : and when hee discribeth himselfe , hee dareth to adde the title of the ablest writer in Europe , though he haue nothinks hee deserues more then others can giue him , or himselfe desires . He carieth a Philosophycall grauity and austerity , affecting chiefly the garbe of Diogenes , whom he imitates as well in high conceit as low estate , and therfore hates nothing more then the name of Elemosinary or Beadesman , though charity be his onely freehold . No strappado will make him confesse what title he hath to the meat he eats , for which he pleads the merit of the man , and holds that to bee his owne because hee eates it . Though both yeares and affectation breed in him a graue looke , yet is hee not so gray as greasie , especially when his sattin dublet hath borne the affronts of all weathers for 8 , or 9. moneths , and then it is so varnished that no drop of raine will sticke vpon it . So austere he is , that he will alienate his bed to lye vpon the ground , and so thrifty that he will weare his stockings re'nuersed , the feet of them raced or cooped and aduanced in cheife to the knee for the seruice they haue done him in the hoofe , and at last he honorably entombes them in the dunghill . Hee so defieth the curiosity of the times , that he will rather be knowne by blacke linnen then by blew starch , and so abhorreth the shreds of old Indentures , that hee will not suffer his Taylor to take measure of him , to whom he giueth in charge only one prouiso that his dublet doe not pinch him in the crop , and so hinder his nutrition which is the chiefe faculty he takes care of . He is of those sublimated speculations that hee can better expresse his thoughts by his brow then his tongue , and can giue no more account of his meditations , then the Sybills could of their Prophesies when the madde fit was ouer . He will voluntarily tell of his old trauels , what respect hee hath found among great men , what preferments he hath run through , or might haue had , but will not be cald to account by demanding questions , especially if they tend to examine of what profession he is . Hee hath some remaines of quondam learning , which like old ruines of time , others delight to behold , among whom hee loues to bee abused in iest , lest he should be contemned in earnest , he thinks no reproach greater , then when he hath been baffled to confesse who hurt him ; and therfore then sweares he remembers nothing . If any of his aquaintance aske him whether he hold himselfe to bee wit-wrackt , hee plainly answers that hee hath not so much wit as to iudge of his own wits , but saith , that hee strongly suspecteth himselfe , and that not without cause : the treble string of his fancy being so weake that it will crack with the weight of a new hat ; which therfore he the oftener putteth off vpon pretence of punctuall courtesie , which he affecteth so complementally as if he had held a trencher at the table of Cardinall St. George at Rome . His chiefe exercise is stretching his old Calues in long walkes , whither he knowes not , nor cares , so he may seeme contemplatiue by walking alone if you meet him : and aske whither he goes , he saith , his Iourney lyes as the Gadd-fly bites him . In winter hee will often walke in Cuerpo , in the snow or raine , sollacing himselfe with the hope of faire weather , and otherwhile within doores : his best imployment and posture is to lye vpon Chushions against a fire basting himselfe til his complexion smel like Newgate or the inside of a Clownes Eele-skin sheath , or of an old extinguisher . In summer his greatest worke within doores is to doe execution vpon fleas by set number ten being his stint ( according to the number of his blankets ) which to exceede he counteth murder : and without doores to enterlace his walkes with stations or rather sessions vnder hedges among his brethren Mendicants , whose company he is so loath to leaue , that he commeth home short to halfe meales , and then eates poste to ouertake his company . If the whimsey take him to see Westminster , for businesse he hath none , hee would the rather weare out sixe pence in shooe-leather , by trudging about , then spend two pence with a skuller to strike ouer the gayner way . Though the world owe him much for his ancient deserts , yet will hee liuing nor dead owe the world any thing , and therefore that no man may pull his Executor by the sleeue , he compounds before hand for the charges of his buriall . No man can tell how to take measure of him for a monument , otherwise ( in imitation of his owne prouidence ) I would before hand haue made an Epitaph on him , for which though I should deserue thankes some , yet I expect none , well knowing that hee repayeth no thankes for any courtesie , but rather expects as much from euery donor , for his owne acceptation of the last benefit . And so I leaue him to others admiration .