The mastiue, or Young-whelpe of the olde-dogge Epigrams and satyrs.

❧ EPIGRAMS . A CVLINA AD CVRIAM . LIXA , that long a seruile Groome hath beene , Will now no more the man be knowne or seene ▪ And reason good , he hath that place resign'd , Witnesse his Cloake throughout with veluet lin'd : Which by a Parradox comes thus to passe , The greazie Gull is turn'd a gallant Asse . Fiant , quae fata volunt . ASke swaggring Saltus , Why he beares such sway ? He 'll answere thus ; Things must be as they may . Aske , How he comes so drunken day by day ? Againe sayes he , Things must be as they may . Aske him the reason , Why no debts he 'll pay ? The same replies , Things must be as they may . Aske , Why so seldome he desires to pray ? Still he concludes , Things must be as they may . Thus see you Saltus nothing else will say ; Should he be damn'd , It must be as it may . Tempus edax rerum . HEywood was held for Epigrams the best , What time old Church-yard dealt in verse and prose But fashions since are growne out of request , As Bombast-Dublets , Bases , and Round-hose . Or as your Lady , may it now be saide , That looks lesse louely then her Chamber-maide . Foemina ; Quid non ? WHat dares Gallantus for his Wench not doe ? Though it concerne the hazard of his necke : Aske what shee will , or haue a minde vnto , He streight procures , and brings her at a becke . Bid him goe rob a Gold-smiths shoppe for Plate , Stabbe him that calls her by the name of Puncke ; Beate Constables , or Watch for walking late , Vndoe a Bawde , or make a Pander druncke : In briefe what is 't , that may to pleasure wooe , But braue Gallantus for his wench durst doo . Leui , leuiora . MAdam Fenestra , fearfull of her Dyet , Feeds by no meanes on flesh that 's tough or olde : Which brings her queazie stomacke out of quiet , And therefore pickes on purest can be solde ; Of least-growne Lamb , and tendrest Beefe that 's bigge , The whitest Cow-calfe , and the youngst Sow-pigge . To Iohn of Paules Church-yarde . TO thee ( Braue Iohn ) my booke I dedicate , That wilt from A-Iax , with thy force defend it : And counterchecke each Cocks-combs spleen and hate , That not good language , or good lookes shall lend it . Thou placed art as Sentinell , to quaile Those secret Foes , our dangers shall pretend : Making their Top-sailes , Flagges , and Bonnets vaile , Like to the Blocke-house ouer-gainst Graues-ende . And to conclude , mauger their worst of spite , Durst bidde the proudest of them all goe — Subitò responsio leui . A Doctor being ask't what meanes he knew , Were such as best to opening Physicke drew : He not to seeke , for sudden answer sayes , Ther 's nothing better then a Bunch of kayes . Animosus , pediculosus . MATHO from Sea hath such a purchase brought , As is not frequent , or of each man sought : Which to divulgate , Matho proues not nice , Nothing , God damne him , but Out-landish Lice . Detur quod meritum . SOTVS must now prooue Checquer Clarke at least , That therto hath bin trayn'd twelue yeeres & more : Nay , in good sadnesse , hee 's much more increast , Considering what he hath beene heretofore : Why may not Sotus then in case so cleere , Boldly demand his Calues head euery yeere ? Secreta nostra nobis . TASSVS from Temple Stayres by water goes To Westminster , and backe to Temple rowes : Belike he loues not trot too much the streete , Or surbait on the stones his tender feete : Tut come , there 's something in 't must not be knowne : But Sir , beleeu 't , The debt is not his owne . Tua logice nostra . LVCAS on 's Lady layes a foule obiection , Saying she weareth not her owne complexion . But then her Ladyship may say he lyeth , Is' t not her owne I pray you which she buyeth ? Vsus promptos facit . RACHEL at first would rayle vpon her man , That scarce knew how to beare himself before her : Nor almost which way looke or hold her Fan , But now ( thanks Fortune ) finely can come o're her . Si nihil attuleris ibis , &c. WAT told his wife how much he late had straid , Yet faine would notwithstanding pardoned be : To whom she ragingly replyde and said , Think'st with not standing ( Slaue ) to answere me ? Hath then your Pinnace in those Ports beene landing , And now puts in prouisoes , notwithstanding ? Indomitis ferendum . MArtinus ouermuch commends his mare To be the best man ere layd legge vpon ▪ Wer't not for one defect ( a fault that 's rare ) Shee 's onely subiect to obliuion : That stumbling headlong in her course amaine , So soone forgets , as downe she falles againe . Tempora promoribus . PLucke off your Bonnet , you Sir in the feather , And learne to know when Officers passe by : Thinke you all men hayle fellowes met together ? You would be taught to be more mannerly . Tut , say you knew him nere so well before , Will that be now excuse sufficient ? Or say his pleasure be to keepe a whore , Dare you presume he liues incontinent ? Non nosti Summis vitium preualet ? Et omne maius minus continet ? Domi , & foras Idem . CIuis at Court being lately bid to dinner , Had thought to make his stomacke lost a winner : But sitting downe when each had tane his place , The meat was gone ere Ciuis could say Grace . Whereat quoth he , a man may boldly say , From hence the rich are emptie sent away . Plus Canis ictus amat . CReta that closely could her secrets couer , Fain'd to be iealous of her loathed Spouse ; Which he beleeu'd ( God wot ) & more did loue her , Presuming , London not her like allowes . Well , goe thy wayes ( thought I ) hold on thy trade , Th' art euen the truest he whom God nere made . Rosa omnibus olet . ROSE is a fayre , but not a proper woman : Can any creature proper be , that 's common ? Caelat sua crimina Sanctis . CVRTA hath now no colour or euasion , To meete or frolicke as time late permitted , Because her husband barres vp all occasion , That for such pleasures and aduantage fitted : Keepes her from going to her childe at nurse , Denyes accesse vnto her Garden-house : For which shee giues him many a bitter curse , And sweares , she not esteemes his threats a Louse . The best escape her cunning can deuise , Is once a weeke to Blacke-fryers exercise . Curanda primum praesentia . LETTICE that late was so resolu'd to marry , On more aduice will now this tweluemonth tarry : How should she sooner else indeed dispose Of the young Bastard wherewithall she goes . Latot Anguis in herba . WHen Capring - Cosmo comes from dauncing Schoole , He first commaunds the Maide pluck off his Hose : Next bids her bring a Cushion and a stoole , On which ( she kneeling ) rubbes his feete and toes . That done , hee calls for 's night-cap and his gowne , Fearing the colde might catch him vnaware ; Nor more will walke forth ( sayes ) that day in towne , Whence you may gesse , he hath no Coine to spare . But that 's not it , Cosmo to bed is gone , Causing his shirt be washt that hath but one . Manus manum fricat . BAlbus his Tennants will no more pay rent , Till for their wiues he first giue them content : Is' t reason Balbus without Coyne disbursing , Get them with childe , and nere allow for Nursing ? Grauè Condimentum , &c. TWo Gossips lately in contention grewe , Which of the twaine liu'de greatest in esteeme : And lesse the substance of the other knewe , Whereby her credit might the better seeme . Quoth one of them , t' is knowne my charge is such , In vineger and mustard euery yeare : Indeed quoth th' other I suppos'd asmuch , What a deuowring saucie Drabbe you were ; But ( which is worse ) I heare your Neighbours talke , The skore runnes yet with Chandlers on the chalke . Belluinus quotidianus . DAcus approues , and stoutly stands vpon it , Ther s not a man in Middlesex out drinks him : And thereto dares he lay all 's substance on it ▪ Hee breathes not mortall , one to one that sincks him . For Sir beleeu 't , there 's no day comes about , But Dacus drinks himselfe a Hogs-Head out . ¶ Vtcunque , si des mutuo . WHen Dicke wants money , he desires to borowe , No more then ( damme him ) hee 'l repay to morrowe . Doceat experientia . KAte still complaynes her Mother doth her wrong , Causing her keepe her mayden-head so long : For iudge ( quoth she ) your selfe , if at my stature You felt not then the fame instinct of nature ! Non propria , quae Maribus . SAy Besse ( quoth Brutus ) if thou loue me , so ; If not , why so : tush Brutus , thus much know : Since she to loue in Common first began , She lou'd not thee : thou art no Common man . Non omnibus idem . YOung Lalus deales on light commodities , Of choysest Gyrles he safely can bring forth : But yet respectlesse proues to peoples eyes , As if he were some great mans sonne of worth . Consorts with Gallants , stands on 's reputation , Eates of the best and daintiest can be sold : Scornes to be ranckt with men of occupation , That are not Gentiles like himselfe enrold . Aske how he liues ; hee tels the vulgar sort , By play , by knowledge , trauell and commerce , Of which he makes a sad and long report , Which they thinke simply , without more reherse : But to the wise and worthy vnderstander , He prostrate proues your priuate sports-Commander . Omnia tempus habent . HOw comes it Doll liues so demure of late , That whilome vs'd to frollicke with her friends ? Oh , she hath chang'd it seemes her former state , And to be ciuill for awhile intends : Would any mad Wench presently on mariage , Proue her selfe pack-horse for each common carriage ? Irati , Implacabiles . DIcke with his Dogs in such an outrage grew , As which was next him he to hanging drew : Who looking fearefull , faine would backwards gather ▪ Nay , vp thou goest ( quoth Dicke ) and th' wert my Father . Tempus edaxrerum . FLaminio weares an euerlasting Sute , That would ( saith he ) all Fashions yet confute : Wer't not so greazy , and so staind with Wine , Which he hath dropt vpon since ninetie nine . In cauda venenum . THat Finch the Gold-smith hath a fayre young wife , It needs no doubt ; ther 's none but might her loue : Then wer't not shame and pitty of her life , If from a Gold-Finch she a Wag-taile proue ? Nemo omnibus horis sapit . CVcullus , carefull of his reputation , Chose euermore your priuat'st sporting house : Which least might bring his name in defamation , Or to succeeding times proue dangerous : But see how well he could occasions quench , And yet be taken with a Begger-wench . Multi videntur & non sunt . CAll Clinias Coward , he outragious than ; Dares to aduenture life with any man . Prouided he be not 's superiour , His vnderling or base inferiour , Nor yet his fellow : for saith Clinias , Should any of these euils come to passe , T is ten to one the quarrell neuer ends ; If I kill him , hee 'l kill me by his friends . Or if my Vassall ; conquest is not much , Anoble minde disdaines to fight with such : And if my fellow ; Wisedome tells too late , True fellowship consists in Loue , not hate : Bring Clinias one that is not of these three , And then to fight ther 's none so bold as he . Frustravocaueris Heri . DIcke had but two words to maintaine him euer , And that was Stand , and after Stand , Deliuer ; But Dick's in New-gate , and hee feares shall neuer , Be blest againe , with that sweete word Deliuer . Post gaudia luctus . THree Trades-men & their wiues went all to Douer , To see the Monuments of Iulius Caesar : From whence to Paris would they next post ouer , And not disswaded be by King nor Keysar : But spent two hundred pounds on idle motions , That now in Ludgate liue by mens deuotions . Rumpit suo pondere pordus . IAne from the Iustice cannot be acquitted , Whose Sonne hath deeply vpon her committed . Filius ex puluere Patris . MIlo grew sicke because his Dad left giuing , In which consumption he had dyed out-right , Had not his death at last put him in liuing , By which good fortune he is dub'd a Knight . Vnhappy Sonne , to draw that vitall breath , Who like a Pellican liu'st by his death . In Zoylum . ZOylus , I heare you take my Rymes in snuffe , Crie fie , t'ls Ribaldrie , or some such stuffe : But Zoylus know , I scorne to deale with you ; He writes foule stuffe that treates of your base crewe . Vera filia Patris . WHy striues young Gallatèa , for the wall ? If needs you 'l know the cause ( qd. one ) you shall : Her Father was a Maeson , and they say , It makes her Ladyship leane much that way . Cupiens culpare , nescit . DOrus disdaines these Epigrams I make , Saying they sauour not of ought that 's in them : Nay , which is more then that , hee 'll vndertake They are but stinking stuffe ere you begin them : And yet before ( quoth he ) they fauour'd not : See how the buzzard talkes he knowes not what ! Malium optanti gratum . A Wanton Dame that of her Spouse repented , ( Because he would her now and then displease , ) Was told by one ( which made her much contented ) That he was hang'd or drown'd beyond the Seas : Who dreading nought , ask't what might worse ensue , For this she thought was too good to be true . Virescit curua Senectus . CLaudus with age and sicknes long declining , That had a Letcher bene in time of yore : Spying a Lasse passe by him ; spake thus whyning , To one that led him , There 's a lusty Whore . Commune diuersorium Meritrix . IF Phoedra were but halfe so chaste as faire , So kinde as coye , and but so wise as wittie : Shee would the ruines of her House repaire , That rent and torne , lye prostrate neere the Cittie . Where all that trauell , and are come from farre , May freely enter without bolt or barre . Saltim videri cupit . SIgnior Fantasmo that Capricious youth , Posting to London , lights vpon these Rimes : And tells the Stationer for simple truth , They are but froth and excrements of times . Who for his purpose no such Pamphet needed ; And ( but an Asse ) had long ere now proceeded . Frustràlaues Aethiopum . POntus that poore and quondam scuruie Scribe , Rays'd from the rust of rude rascallitie : Now proling prooues the proudest of his Tribe , Yet still a Cullion will he liue and die . Ex ouibus opes . THat Notus should so neerely liue t was strange , Who died the richest Marchant vs'd the Exchange : Yet on the matter was no Marchant nether , His substance came by Sheepe-skinnes altogether . Domina dominatur Ancillae . MAud with incessant termes reuiles her maid , Hast not bene warnd ( qd. she ) of this before ? How oft haue I this geere vppon thee laid , Say ; Canst deny 't ? Art not an arrand whore ? Yes ( qd. the Maid ) forsooth it 's partly true , Else should I be more honest thought then you . Admoniti foelices . MAtura wearie of the Countrie life , Complaines her Husband nere to London brought her : That hath this twelue-month prou'd his honest wife , And not consented scarce to one that sought her . But bids him roundly herewith looke vnto it , Be hee a Tinker next that comes shall doe it . Causidici non semper beati . LEntus the Lawyer prayes the Terme were ended , That hath not for this fortnight got one Fee : Nor ought effected as his hopes intended , And yet in Commons must for custome bee : But if his takings still proue such as these , Let them ( qd. Lentus ) packe to Hell that please . Stant quae probatae . GOrgonius surfet may with cordiall food , Able , reuiue him , and restore his blood : But all s in vaine , no Phisicks Art will doe it , His wife 'fore any Doctor dares stand to it . Funis multorum Finis . LAnista many Sonnes adopted had , Whome still he vs'de to title as his owne : And they as duely likewise call'd ▪ him Dad , But were on sudden all disperst vnknowne . Till when Lanista walking Holborne , spide , Two of his Broode in Carts for Tyborne bound : Who to their Syre with woefull Farwell cride , No more may wee your Sonnes on earth be found . Yea ( qd. Lanista ) goes that way the game ? I knew not erst what of my Sonnes became . Durum telum necessitas . LAurence his light and late made Sommer-weede , Will now this winter stand him in no steed : But must be forthwith forst , though nere so loath , To chop with Brokers for a sute of cloath . Ebria , minus curiosa . LVxurio to accomplish his desire , Makes his Wench drunke , would you the cause enquire ? Hee 's so deformd , as not a common-Punck , But would detest him , if shee were not drunck . 〈…〉 Charae nimis voluptas . SYr Ralphe resolues to leaue this Coourt-like state , And liue i' th Countrey at a lower rate : Is it not reason he be close and neare , That hath but bare one hundred marks a yeare ? Besides the money which his Knight-hood spent him , Not yet repaide , that so long since was lent him ? Vt Tempora , Mores . IN Times of yore , was neither Bond nor Bill , For each would then his word , by word fulfill : Till when crept in this strange Catastrophe . As some for conformation , wrote Per me . Which now say Scriueners , non est ita mos , It must be Noueriut per presentes nos . Nuptiae post Nummos . THere was a Time when Men for loue did marrie , And not for Lucre sake , as now we see : Which from that former Age so much doth varie , As all 's for what you l giue ? or nought must bee . So that this ancient word call'd Matrimony , Is whollie made A matter now of Mony . Sero vocaberis Heri . LVke that in Lattine lately scorn'd to looke , Would now read English , might hee haue his booke . Tonsores minus ditiores . CVthert admires how Lawyers get so much , And that his commings in should not be such : Who hath beene knowne a Poler and a Shauer These fortie yeers , yet nere could proue a Sauer . Sublata causa tollitur , &c. MArcus hath all madde companie forsworne , All sorts of of wine , all womens vaine enticing : All exercise , all pleasures quite forborne ; All hunting , hawking , bowling , carding , dicing , His Purse ( the maine of all ) hath tane infection , And all that Doll can doe moues no erection . Pro causa vt suprà . GAlfridus takes Tobacco all in snuffe , Who nere could any from his nosthrills puffe ; Since the Low-Countrey-warres of late consign'd him , To leaue at least his Smelling-sense behind him . Ebrius dissimulans . BAttus ( though bound from drinking wine of late ) Can thus farre with his Oath equiuocate : He will not drinke , and yet be drunke ere noone , His manner is to eate it with a spoone . Tandem potiuntur Achiui . Zanthus was zealous bent , but could not please His Ladie Mistresse , he so long had serued : Nor by his best attendance once , but ease Or stay his stomacke , if he should haue starued . Till forst with Famine , found her in that snare , Which since to silence Zanthus takes his share . Fronti , nulla fides . DOll in disdaine , doth from her heeles defie , The best that breathes shall tell her blacks her eye : A and that it 's true shee speaks , who can say nay ? When none that lookes on 't , but will sweare t' is gray . Minus domi Hystriones . MIstresse Fardella feard shee should conceiue , Before the time in wedlocke state could linck her : Which would Fardellas fortunes quite bereaue , Therefore resolu'd , on sudden doth bethinck her . Gainst when the Midwife might in child-bed lay her , To shrowde a while , for shelter with a Player . Nondum Doemone dignus . TAgus was told had got the Diuell and all , In that his substance did so much excell : It may ( qd. Tagus ) proue in time I shall , Get what 's sufficient , though not thriue so well . Non semper inscipiens . KEster can court his Mistresse , would you knew it , Weare hansom cloaths , pledge healths , or breake a iest ; Drink drunke with any man , & neuer spue it , Or take Tobacco with the prowdst and best . Had they but kept him one ye are more at 's Grammer , You should haue found him then no Ninthammer . Laudes cùm labe . CAius commends his Sister many wayes , To be the myrror of admired praise : Wert not for two foule reasons that ensue , Shee 's somtimes drunck , and playes the double ( w. ) Fas per inscipientem . WHo dares say Doltus speaketh barbarisme , That schollerlike can make a Syllogisme ? Can cap a Verse which may deserue commend , And hath his Grammer rules at 's fingers ende . Can write a Pistell to his Dad in Lattin , And one day hopes to weare a sute of Sattin . Yea , make his mother blest that ere shee bore him , For of his age , fewe yet haue gone before him : I meane for Tallnes of his lymbs and bone , At grasse time next , full grown to twenty one . Experientia nimis . WAt will no more in Wedlocke bands be tyde , That thereof hath too much experience tryde : And durst a Noble to a nutshell wage , The next Wife makes him fall in surplusage . Non omnia pusssumus omues . THough Petrus nere could Epigrams compose , Not is your perfect Poêts Imitator : Yet well the world may see he writes in Prose ; Ergò no Cobler , but a true Translator . Nequicquam Vencri verba . WIll wooes his wench with wordes of Eloquence , Praying he might her corps enthalamize : And of his loue impart that influence , Which with her liking best may simpathize . She , who regardlesse at his speech doth spurne , Saith ; T' is not words of Art must serue her turne . Optimus in pessimis . VAlesco mounts vpon the wings of Fame , For an admyr'd report and matchles name : That Courting can convince your coyest Punck , And drinck e're midnight healths yet not be drunck . Diaboli poenitentes . COme ; What shall 's doe ( qd. Ned ) this afternoone ? That hath at Noddy neither lost nor wonne : There s not a Play ( saith hee ) worth looking on , And Mistris Moll from Clarkenwell is gone . Troth let 's doo once what no man would coniecture , Turne honest for an houre , and heare a Lecture . Vltra posse negatur . HIstrix hath felt himselfe long ill at ease , But thereof durst not to the world complaine ; Hoping the times would all things well appease , And eke restore his former health againe , But t' would not doe : so that perforce aduizde . Histrix ( God help him ) must be circumcis'de . Infirmis experientia . OLd Cresus stands vpon his tackling stout , He can as well as ere hee cold hould out : To whome his wife sayes , men may laugh that win , Pray tell me Syr , Can you as well hold in ? Viliora Vtiliora . POdrus but practiz'd when he first was young , To write and reade , and cast vp some Accounts : Nor cares a louse ( saith he ) for th' Lattine tongue , Which would not gaine him halfe that now amounts . For if ( qd. Podrus ) Shoo-makers excell , Why may not then our Coblers doe as well . Qui Latrans , modo mordens . BLandus I heare will proue a Byter knowne , That gently vs'd of late to fawne and cogge : If Blandus then , be such a byter growne , What kinne is Blandus to my Mastyf-dogge ? Viuit vt edat . WHen Gluto goes to dine at th' Ordinarie , To slay his stomacke eates a crust and drinks : Then call's for victuals , sweares he cannot tary , Which till it comes , a month each minute thinks : Then sits him downe , and takes the highest place , Puts salt on 's Trencher , cuts a loafe in twayne , And nere remembers ought of saying Grace , The sight of meate so captiuates his brayne : Whereto he lurching , so about him layes , As must suffice him for at least two dayes . Stimulat , ignota Cupdo . SVsan , for spight she could not be espouz'd Before her Sister , who is three yeeres younger , Resolu'd her selfe at last , from dulnesse rouz'd , To tell her Mother she could stay no longer ; Nor all this while her time had so mispent , But that she knew no sooner what it meant . Opinio maior Veritate . IEnkin that iealous liu'd without deserts , Was told by one his Wife had worthy parts : At which he ten times more outragious swore , How should her parts be knowne , she not a ( ) Aperit sua crimina somnis . IVdith is growne ( God blesse her ) such a Bride , For face and feature , and in truth excells : Worthy to solace by the best mans side , Throughout that Streete and Parish where she dwells : Wer 't not for one defect , confounds all this , She vseth nightly in her bed to — . In Rosa Spina . YOung Mistrisse Ioice is , without iesting , fayre ; How can she choose , hauing a flexen hayre ? A necke so white , and a more pleasing eye Then any Wench you lightly can espie . Vide , tace . SEruus hath seene his Ladies secrecies , Which for his eares he durst not patronize , Much lesse presume to make least enterprize , Onely to whistle may the tune suffice . Non suo se pendebit Capistro . PAulus no Purse about him loues to cary , Least to himselfe he should prooue accessarie , For much spent charges , which were meerely lost , Knowing he shall be drunke at others cost . Suam nouit Infirmitatem . IOsephus crau'd he might haue conference With Parnell in her chamber all alone ; But Parnell pray'd she might therein dispence , For in her chamber must she talke with none : Partly through feare she should be won with pelfe , But most because she durst not trust her selfe . Hoc proprium nobis . FRancis hath got a vaine and foolish vse , Practiz'd so long , as now he cannot leaue it ; Which grew at first by being too profuse In his expences , ( so you must conceiue it : ) For well the reckning may you pay without him , So seldome beares he purse or coyne about him . Huic habeo non tibi . FYe on thee Milo , how the poore abhorre thee , That still wilt answer them , I haue not for thee : When all thy kindred knowes , who thee condemne , Thou hast it for thy Drabs , but not for them . Idem per huiusmodi . A Nice young Dame that long'd for dainty Cates , With her that sold them thus expostulates : My Nose ( I hope ) shall be my Cooke ( quoth she ) Mine Arse ( quoth th' other ) may your Kitchin be . Aut caste , aut caute . RAchell hath reason not to liue in Common , Thereby to shew her selfe a noted sinner : But rather like a close and ciuill woman , That to the Game seemes still a young beginner : And not detected of her whorish life , May proue in time some honest Tradesmans wife . Oscula qui sumpsit , &c. IAcke still abiures it to his commen dation , Hee 's yet a maide without equiuocation ; That being woo'd by Wenches would resist them , And neuer dealt with any but he kist them . Plus scaelera nocte . SIl . for his Wiues sake much Tobacco sells , That must assist him daily in his shop : And occupie her selfe in nothing else , But Pipes for Gentlemen to fill and stop : Which she neglects not whiles the day giues light , And burnes them as occasion serues at night . Viuens , mortuus . MOunseir Scuerus since his Office lost , Wherein he liu'd of late a great Commander , Walks discontented like the angry Ghost Of proud Tarquinius , or Pope Alexander : Whom fates enuying , should from vpstart rise , So puld him downe , as now he liuing dies . Et penna & poculo . COlambus executes his Masters place , Where he hath plodding beene twice ten yeeres space : But simple howsoe'r the world may thinke him , Ther 's not a Clarke mongst twenty dares out drink him . Patientia Vendicta . CVcullus euermore will carrie sway Ouer his wife in strangers company : And on her lips his loathed fingers lay , Which patient she puts vp in policy : But with her selfe resolu'd in secret vowes , To p y him next day soundly on the browes . Foenum , dum coelum cerenum . TRocus in Tauernes twice a day must bowze it , And belch Tobacco on his Clients purses : No matter Trocus , 't is thy place allowes it , Though like the Foxe ' canst not escape from curses . Who euer saw that Clarke like thee deputed , But had his fingers with purloyne polluted ? Pulchrior infaelicior . FIne Mistrisse Fedra famously accounted , Minding for recreation take the ayre , went in her Coach through London brauely mounted , ( For what should Fedra of the Fates despayre ? ) Strange and admirde , which might amaze the hearer ▪ That her owne horses must to Bridewell beare her . Secundae cogitationes meliores . A Pamphlet was of Prouerbs pend by Polton , Wherein he thought all sorts included were : Vntill one told him , Bate w'an ace quoth Bolton : Indeed ( said hee ) that Prouerbe is not there . Vt nasus , notus . OLde Publius Naso hath compoz'd a Play , Of such a plot , as few or none that view it But will auouch he writes not euery day , Nor as the times of late ( I would you knew it ) The best in London payes for his inuention , Knowne to be simply such as needes no mention . Ad Lectorem . REader , these Epigrams long since compos'd , Should here by my consent haue beene disclos'd : Much lesse at latter Lammas com'd in print , Had not the Stationer or the Diuell beene in 't . Grauidae formidiores . DArkas cannot endure to see a Cat , A brest of Mutton , or a Pigs head gaping : A Beare , a Bull , a Weazle or a Rat , No , nor the skreeking noyse of Kettles scraping : Yet could imbrace a naked Cariball , And nere be mou'd or frighted once withall . Confesse , and be hang'd . TOm stretcht his necke for stealing of a Mare , And yet I le proue he was not hang'd for stealing : For had he not beene taken vnaware , And so conuicted by his owne reuealing , He might haue scapt the Gallowes , gone his way , And still remain'd a Thiefe vntill this day . Fama Alimentum . DAcus could giue good words , what ere was due , Whereby his credit lesse in question grew , Till base-borne Tapsters , without feare or grace , Must call him Banckrout 'fore his neighbours face . Omnia venalia Romae . CAcus at first durst scarce kisse Mistrisse Anne , But could at last to giue consent assaile her : Who more respecting's money then the man , Ask't ( hauing pur'st it ) Are you not a Taylor ? How ? 'sfoot ( quoth Cacus ) then for coyne I see , Taylors with Gentlemen must equall bee . Aliqui fructus maturiores . FReta , the forward'st of ten thousand Gyrles , Wish't she had beene at foureteene made a Page : To haue attended vpon Lords and Earles , That vnder Knights had seru'd at younger age . Edificium latrocinium . A Tennant by his Lease being bound to build , Of Timber-loggs his Land-lord had beguil'd , Which he perceiuing , 'gins with threats discusse , The danger of the Law that vs'd him thus . Alas ( quoth he ) 't was done for my reliefe , Besides , you know Sir , Building is a thiefe . Nocte latent menda . MIstrisse Roxana by no meanes endures The Curtaines of her Bed or Window drawne ; Which to her eyes ( saith she ) much hurt procures , And therefore hides them with a vayle of Lawne . But if you needes will haue the truth reueal'd , Her Nose that 's sunke of late must be conceal'd . Stante te stabit vxor . LIppus the Banckrout hath a bounsing Wife , That would be chaste , were he but halfe so wise : And yet the Buzzard , for auoyding strife , Liues in a Lane obscur'd from watchfull eyes . Tut , Lippus be content , and beare withall , For if thou canst not stand , she needes must fall . Leuia perdit quò lucret maiora . AWager on a Knight , of late was tride , He should not beare ten pounds from out Cheapeside , Vnlesse some Citizen holpe with his hands , To whom already he was bound in bands . Which well the Knight perceiu'd , else nere had done it , So that he lost his wager , and yet won it . Puduit sua damnareferre . SVch ill successe had Dick at Dice last night , As he was forst next day play least in sight : But if you loue him make thereof no speeches , He lost his Rapier , Cloake , and veluet Breeches . Strenuis , videri satis . WHen boasting Bembus challeng'd is to fight , He seemes at first a very Diuell in sight : Till more aduizde , will not defile hands , Vnlesse you meete him vpon Callice sands . Chara nimis amicitia . MIlo thinks much I should his loue inherit , Saying , it 's more then my deserts can merit : Indeed hee speaks Probatum est vnto me , For t' is so great as t' would in time vndo me . In lingua , Patrià . PEtrus espying late a youth passe by , Richly appareld , whom he knew but poore : Began to censure with him doubtfully , Whether it were the same he saw before . Till hearing him , in 's language lay the law , Was sure t' was then the self-same Cornish-daw . Saepius soluas si saltabis . PLanus his money payd would faine be quiet , That pensiue erst grew then more vext with woe : As scarce it could permit him time to diet , For posting bout each office too and fro . Who for'st to daunce attendance durst not rest , Vntill the PIPE hath plaide Quietus est . Crescit furore Impudentia . TOruus will yet againe exceptions take , And sweares that by 's drink heel not endure these Rimes : Fye Toruus , let not men for manners sake , Be made acquainted with thy shamefull crimes . But thow lt alledge the Bastard is not thine , I should not keep 't then , if the case were mine . Visu , si non Auditu . PRudence , reproou'd for walking in Moorefields , Straight from her Apronftrings this reason yeelds : Though Women more then Men are thence debard , T' is reason some be seene , because not heard . Fumus inimica Formae . MAdam Ventosa carefull of her health , In haste post haste the Countrey ayre desires : Sweating shee l not endure for Londons wealth , Another winter of these Sea-cole Fires . Whose noysome fume worst then the soulst infection , Had almost spoyld her Ladyships complexion . Cliricus natura . OLde Tristram thought it well and wisely done , With an Exchequer man to place his Sonne : But Tristram had therein of wit no sparke , To spoyle so good a Clowne for such a Clarke . Multorum Pignora pondus . PIgnus the Broker pil'de vp hath his Hall , With pawnes of persons Alphabeticall : Kept as his prisoners , & his owne doth deeme them , Till Bankroutes , Beggars , Bawdes , and Drabbes redeeme them . Arbora per Fructus . FIne Mistresse Phippes , a proper Friend of mine , Wore on her brest a paper Valentine : Who by a Mad cap one day being met , Askt her , Faire Lady , Is this House to Let ? Maguis mirabile . SAltus so many sorts of Sutes would weare , As once a weeke , he must be new inuested : Which made him proudly to the world appeare , ( For nere was Saltus vntill now Arrested . ) Strange on a sudden that a man of might , Should breechlesse liue , obscur'd from out of sight . Alienis Fortunatus . PRodus the Scriuener many a pound hath spent , Vpon procurements by him caus'd been lent : But with Prouiso , will hee first indent , You must in Prasto , giue him good content , Potens in poculis . GEorge will auouch it vpon deepe foundation , That drinking store of wine hath made him wiser , And more expert in matters variation , As hee 's become a kinde of wits demser ; How he may cheating gull his Friends with Oathes , And fetch his Taylor off for more new cloathes . Nimis docuit Consuetudo . OLde Fucòs Board is oft replenished , But nought thereof must be diminished : Vnles some worthles vpper dish or twaine , The rest for seruice still againe remaine . His man that vs'de to bring them in for show , Leauing a dish vpon the bench below : Was by his Maister ( much offended ) blam'de , Which he as briefe with answer bluntly fram'de ; ‛T ath bene zo often broft avore this day , As now chad thoft it zelfe had knowne the way . Par pari refert . TObie with 's wife , at Ticktack often playes , Who much ore-seeing , takes her many wayes : And yet hee proues the greater ouerseer , Shee could , but will not aske him , Why not heere ? Rogandum coactus . FEssus desires all sutes of Law might cease , For being Outlaw'd , faine would liue in peace . Sere Poenitentia seue . A Seriant that fell sicke tooke late remorce , On many Prisoners hee had plagu'd by force : And now would free them from the Counter-hole , But that Toe late ; thinks t' will not helpe his soule . Non Morbus , sed Dolor . A Doctor tolde his Patient Omphida , The paine shee felt was a Scyatica : Which she not perfect how to nominat , Mistaking ; Cryes : Oh my Certificat ! Nullum stimulum Ignauis . CAecus awak't , was tolde the Sunne appeard , Which had the darknes of the morning cleard : But Caecus sluggish thereto makes replie , The Sunne hath further farre to goe then I. Ad Momum . CEase prethee Momus , bite thy malice in , Tut man , I knowe thou hast a diuellish wit : Able to poze the wisest of thy kin , But Momus then thou should'st not boast of it . Or say , thou worke the worst thou canst intend , That done , goe hang thy selfe , and ther 's an end . Humilis Sublimis . KAte , seeming curious in her conuersation , Scorns you should kisse her hand or tye her shoo : Which shee accounts as great an imputation , As any worst of wrong you else can doo . So high shee vaunts her selfe aboue the Skyes , And yet full lowly on a Straw-bed lyes . Seruus dominatur Domino . SVsan hath seru'd this yeare and halfe for nought , Making still good , things broken , stolne , or lost : Which with her wages must anew be bought , That doe amount vnto no little cost . But Susan now hath found a meanes for all , What time her Mistresse goes abroad ( olde Trot ) To yeeld herselfe vnto her Masters call , And make him Father what another got . Who rather chose , then Law the Case should handle , To pay a hundrd pounds for sope and candle . Tandem aperta Reelusa . BEttrice debard from sport , with one that lou'd her , Was kept seuerely vnder bolt and locke : Who notwithstanding when occasion mou'd her , Crept forth at th' window , nightly in her smocke . But from her Father fortie weekes conceald it , Vntill the Bastard cride , and so reueald it . Suauiora Digniora . YOung Mistresse Minea findes her selfe agrieued , In that her Husband keepes her not in fashion ▪ And therefore will by others be relieued , Who on such creatures take farre more compassion . No flesh shee feares to feede on out of sight , Knowing her good-man picks the bones at night . Venditur vt Emitur . DArcas will doo with Knight or Gentleman What shall be reason , more then which shee dares not : And that 's as much as any woman can , Vnles be such as for her credit cares not . Then if these pleasures without feare ensue , What thereto longs ( qd. Darcas ) pray iudge you ? Meritrix absentè Marito . SVsan with sundry cunning slights and trickes , Gulls her Good-man that dominering swaies : Nor will her eyes other obiects fixe , Whiles in her companie the Cockscomb staies . Who gone , shee cannot for her life refraine , But needs must laugh , till downe shee falls againe . Nocte latent mende . WHen bounsing Bettrice minded is to sport , She closely steales out of her dores at night : And couets most mongst strangers to resort , That least may be discernd by Candle-light . For chiefe respects which might her much disgrace , Besides her Perriwigge , and pocky face . Ad Iohannem Bradshaw , Seaccariensem . NOt that to mee thou ere wert Friend or Foe , Nor that I seeke heereby t' insinuate : Nor that thou wouldst the world thy worth shuld know , Which I le not blaze , nor yet expostulate . Onely repute thee one amongst those Clarks , Gainst whom my Mastiue neyther bytes nor barks . In Obitum alicuius . Lampus extinct at last in Ashes lyes , Who when hee liu'd did nought but Gormandize : On choycest cheere , and Bolles fill'd to the brim , Which fedde him fatte , for worms that feede on him . Plus decus Honori . PIerce grown to yeares , maintain's a Page at 's heeles That must attend , and tell him what 's a clocke : When hee from Trulls & Tauernes homeward reeles , And in short time consum'd and spent his stocke . Yet biddes prouide gainst night some other toye , Whiles belching hee repose his head that 's giddie ; Then waking calls , Fill some Tobacco Boye : That done , Goe see if Supper be made readie . Which hee not hauing wherewith to discharge , ( Nor daring futher runne vpon the score : ) Intreats the Vintner with discourse at large , Vpon his Cloake to lend him so much more . Nor meanes hee thence till midnight part away , And keepe his bedde vntill next Quarter day . Efficit prostrata , nummus . When Iaques from th' Exchange goes home to sup , And findes his Wife drunke on her pillow laid : He patiently prepar'd to put it vp , Encounters with blacke Kate his Kitchin maid : Who tells him , shee 'll no longer serue his turne , Vnlesse his Master-ship more crownes disburse , And therefore bids him make her not forsworne , But presently dispatch and draw his purse : Which done , she flatly to her businesse falles , And nere ariseth till her Mistrisse calles . Subita , magis quaerenda . MAt. with his Man late set on meriment , And therewith trying by some tricke to flout him : Spying his Dogge that to sir-reuerence went , Ask't if he had not Pen and Inke about him . Yes , said his man ( and wherefore makes he doubt ? ) To write ( quoth's Master ) what my Dogge layes out . Pecunia , virum . A Vsurer waxt worth ten thousand pound , Which with extortion he had gayn'd of late : For purchase should of certaine Lands be bound Vnto a Knight that knew not his estate : But to a Scriuener dwelling neere him goes , And for aduise therein his counsell takes , Knowing he could the truth thereof disclose : Who whispring in his eare , this answere makes , You neede not Sir , the matter further scan , For I le assure you hee 's a right good man . Plus mendax , Mendicus . DAcus giues out for payment of his debts , He shall a wondrous wealthy Widdow wed : Which 'mongst his Creditors much hope begets , That constant are 't will be accomplished . Meane while young Dacus takes vp ten times more , Tells them the mariage day is short at hand , When hee 'll no lesse then double all restore , Which neede no question now of Bill or Band. But Dacus makes it a more gulling toy , Then that old Cosenage of new Englands-ioy . Detur laus digniori . MIstrisse Marina 'mongst some Gossips sat , Where Faces were the subiect of their chat : Some lok't too pale , some seem'd too firie red , Some browne , some blacke , and some ill fashioned . Good Lord ( quoth she ) you all are much too blame , Let 's loue and prayse the Maker of the same . Her Chamber-mayd who heard her , standing by , Said , Then loue me , for that you know was I. Nil perdunt mendici . I Ack's wondrous sicke , who thinks hee shall goe mad , And lose his wits ( a thing Iacke neuer had : ) Take comfort man , if that be all thou fearest , A groat will pay thy losse when witts are dearest . Formosa foetida . I Met with Martha , and fayn'd would haue kist her , who turn'd her cheeke , which made me that I mist her : She spar'd her lipps , because her breath was tainted , And I her cheekes , because I fain'd them painted . Since then at first , we had no better greeting , Your hand ( quoth I ) shall serue at our next meeting . Materia pro forma . LVcina hath a Loue whose name is Goose , A propper Lad , well borne , and wondrous spruee : She likes the man , but cannot brooke his name , If that be all ( sweete Luce ) you are too blame . The man you may commit into your hands . For why , the Babes he gets may prooue all Swans , Sero , si non subito . LOrellus by the Law condemn'd to dye , Sent his sicke water to a Doctor nigh : And proffer'd him an hundred pound for 's paine , If by his Art hee might but 's life obtaine . The Doctor vnderstanding of his crime , Wil'd him with patience to endure a time ; And fend againe when th' Moone was in the change , Meane while Lorelius must to Tiburne range . Tria , vertit in vnum . FEstinus now in hast resolues to thriue , Ere Christmas next , and honestly will wiue : Sweares by his locks hee 'll ramble then no more , But keepe him close to 's wife , and 's friend , not 's whore . Insooth Festinus , 't were discreetly done , For hauing charge , to haue all three in one . Secretasua sibi . LEttice hath left the towne : but who knowes why ? Some say to take the ayre , and see a friend : I heard as much ; but knew it was a lye , Her businesse tended to another end . No Doctor heere can cure her , shee 's so ill , Old Mother-Midwife hath therein more skill . Pluma , quid leuius ? WHat if Pondexus Wife be light ? how then ? Must she be taunted at by euery Iade ? This is the fault of foolish vaine women , That will be diuing in their neighbours trade . Pon : is a Feather-maker , and by right His Wife , like to her Wares may prooue as light . Ad Samuelem . MY sute 's to you ( Sam ) 'pray deny it not : If you remember 't , you a Bracelet got From your sweete Mistrisse ; 'faith restor't againe , T will doe her pleasure now : for to be plaine , She hath so great a losse had in that kinde , As in the world she knowes not where to finde One silly hayre of her owne simple breede ; Then helpe her now , that holpe you at your neede . A malo ad peius . PRiscus though nere so poore , yet herein ioyes , He once was Captaine of the Roaring-boyes : And worthy then durst challenge as his due , The chiefest place amongst those damned crew , That with vnbutning could carouse a quart , Drinke drunke , and sober , sixe times ere he part : Knocke at cach Gate at midnight on command , And make the Porter stand with cap in hand , Supposing him a man of that regard , As scornes to passe not giuing good reward . When he ( poore Rascall ) but a rambling goes , And now in Limbo lowzy lies , God knowes . Dubitat mens conscia recti . WHy should Sir Pandrus so impatient be , As needes hee 'll call in question who I am : That durst presume on such a one as he , To write a Satyre or an Epigram . Let me Sir Pandrus , tell you this for true , I am not such a slandrous knaue as you imagin . Nemo odit quod nescit . YOung Fawnus spends thrice fortie pounds a yeare , True Demonstration that hee 'l nere be thriftie : But what need Fawnus Fates or Fortunes feare , That s yet not fourteene , and his Dad past fiftie . Who simply pard'ning any worst of merit , Will nere his first borne Bastard disinherit . Sine Flamma combustus . MArcus came vp to see the Monuments , The Tower , the Lyons , and the new Exchange : The Water-works , and lofty London-Rents , With other sights , that seem'd to Marcus strange . But mongst the rest that likewise did abound , Nere thought on Fyre-works , which he first here found Vritur Impertunitate . A Lustie Lasse , but loose , not worth the naming , went down the staires wheron she feard to stumble And holding in her hand a Candle flaming , Was by a iolly Lad intic'de to iumble . Who when at first he gan her roughly handle , Away shee cride : Now fie how you abuse mee : And therewith vowing , swore : Now by this Candle , I le burne you Sir ( if thus you striue to vse mee . Hee blew the Candle out , to breake her vow , But shee performd her Oath ; imagine how . Facilis Generosus . WHo sayes Humfridus is not gentle borne ? Did not Crispinus beat him th' other morne ? And hee it gently tooke , without resisting ? Then let him passe , and leaue your further iesting . Hee that for blowes hath halfe so good disgestion , Must needes proue Gentleman without all question . Dulee Bellum inexpertis . MOunsieur Securus , prowde as any hee , Pray's still for Warre and braue Hostilitie : But hee 's no better then a barking Dogge , Or rather as a painted skipping Frogge , That bragges it out with borrowed brauerie , Warre is no colour for such knauerie . How can he thinke to hurt his Enemie , When all his Weapons are at Surgerie ? In Amorosum . HAd I not vow'd almost to write no more , Spruce ( Amorosus ) I could not forbeare : To tell the world how like a common-Whore , Thou spend'st each morne in trimming of thy haire . Which hauing done , and finisht nere so soone , Thou look'st no better then a wilde Baboone . Perplunias Anser . SEe how young Rufus walkes in greene each day , As if he nere was youthfull vntill now : Ere Christmas next this greene-Goose will be gray , And those high burnisht Plumes in 's Cap will bow . But yet you wrong him , since his purse is full , To call him Goose , that is so young a Gull . Ad Momum . MOmus , you told me late I did not well , Seeming as 't were my little wit to sell : Why man , the Aegyptians sold their babes for gaine , And may not I the Infant of my braine ? But well I wot thou 'lt set it soone at naught , And say the Childe is better fed then taught . Peace Momus , peace , either thy good word lend it , Or come and take my roome till thou canst mend it . Et Puella , & Foemina . LVcina's yeeres runnes on so smooth and euen , That at sixteene shee seeemes but as eleuen : Yet marke how strange the time had her beguilde , Who prou'd a Mother being but a Childe . Omnibus hoc Vitium . AN honest Constable that made search of late , And found a fellow with a wench in Bed : Wish't hee himselfe had bene Associate , And therefore kindely bad them both God speed . Be sure ( qd , he ) I le not descrie your lurking , Let Nature ( that 's so well prouok't ) be working . Prodit se lingua . A Countrey Butcher late with Oxen passes , Hard by a Dame that kept a shop of glasses : Who lisping chides him with words finicall , Thirra remoue your Ballocks from my Stall . Whereat the Butcher smiling makes a stop , But she with anger , blushing leaues her shop . Admonita peior . PRiscill doth plainely to the world appeale , Since Women that deale plaine , are Baladiz'd : Shee 'l with her Husband no more plainely deale , Or mongst plaine dealing people be compriz'd . Dum friget , calescit . WHo doubts but Susun when she first bore sway , Had for one night a French Crown pitch & pay ; But who so simple now , knowes not the reason Shee tooke not Dyet , nor the Sweate in season . Asinus ex Asino . GRillus outragious grewe with selfe conceit , Dreaming of late hee was transformd an Asse : And waking , needes would to the world repeat , That it for certaine truth came so to passe . Who thus besotted , forthwith gins to bray , Attempteth eke like Bankes his Horse to daunce , Runnes to the Stable there to feede on Hay , Striues to Coruet , Cariere , Kick , Wince and praunce , But since that Grillus , nothing so much feares , As the appearance of his Asses eares . Non dulce , quod vtile . TVrdosus train de in the Nocturnall Trade , Which wee by Title of Gold-finder call : With oft infusion such escapes had made , As causd his Maister ( much displeasd withall ) Say thus in rage Thou a Iakes-Farmer proue ? A Cobler ( knaue ) would thee much more behoue . To my Booke-seller . THy Bookes ( I doubt not ) but will all be bought , Though nere so bitter for the Title thought : To putrifactious Vlcers that abide , The strongest Medicines must bee applide . Yet may be well inough indur'd : all which , Are but as Worme-wood giuen to kill the itch . Nnda Veritas . YOung Mistresse Sisley , and her Sister Kate , Scornes to be thought with tricks t'equiuocate : Therfore sayes plaine , if t were not true they swore , Let each be censurd for an arrant Whore . Soluat vtcunque Senex . OLd Squinto deales with 's Wench not like a stranger Though comes perhaps but once a Weeke , or so : T' is knowne he keeps her still at Rack and manger Whether shee loue or loath him yea , or no. He payes for all she spends , and eates , or drinkes : Allowes her Horse and Coath to ryde at pleasure , Yea what shee best for recreation thinkes , That bids her vse , and chuse againe at pleasure . Thus doth the Dotard dull and detestable , Make others doe what hee himselfe 's not able . Sperare liceat Infidelibus . THat Luscus hath no Lattin t' is no Lye , Nor that hee writeth false Ortographye , Yet passeth for a Checquer Clearke we see , And hopes this Tearme to purchase many a Fee . Nay more he hopes to proue an Officer , If case ( quoth hee ) our Vicar doth not erre : Who well remembers in his Prouerbs saith , The weake in Knowledge , may be strong in Faith . Casta , quam nomo rogauit . WHy tempt you me ( qd. Win ) with words vnchast ? Or doe you loue to spend your breath in wast ? I am not Syr , the Wench you take me for , But scorne the motion , and your words abhorre . T' is knowne how well I liue without disgrace , And therefore chosen haue this priuate place . Where , since the time we may not long inherit , Your Welcome must be therefore as you merit . Alas ( good Syr ) you are to mee a stranger , But that 's all one , when you are free from daunger I am perswaded ( though your yeares be young ) You haue a subtil and inticing toung , Able to tempt a Woman goe astray , Should shee not haue the grace to say you may . Fye , who would trust these men vpon their words ? The world mongst twenty scarce one true affoords . But to giue each his due , I must confesse , You nere as yet haue wrongd me more or lesse . Nay , pray for beare , my Maide heares all your wooings , Shee knowes I am not vsde vnto such dooings . You talke of matters worth as much as nought , But not a word what Money you haue brought . Nor euer dreame you at what charge wee liue , That for our Lodgings thus much weekly giue . Which such as you ( alas ) nere thinke vpon , That once haue had your pleasures , and are gone . What , will you Syr dispatch and make an ende ? Come : you shall see I le vse you as a Frende , And as befits a man of your estate , Nor loue I many words expostulate . Belieue Syr , as you are a Gentleman , I tooke no handfell since the Terme began . Then in a manner thinke your selfe so spedde , As purchase may my second Maydenhed . Which though I say 't , and doe not vse to flout , Good Knights haue sude for oft , and gone without : What s there ? Two shillings six pence ? mary musse : You thinke belike wee are some common stuffe : Yes , in good time , t' were more then fitte I graunt yee , You need but aske and haue , yes Syr I waunt yee . I thought as much how franck you were before , Dee vse to giue your Hackney-Iades no more ? T wer good you kept it still Syr and were going , Assure your selfe I am not for your mowing , Nor any mans that me so basely scan , My Maide gets so much of each Seruing-man . Make you no difference pray twixt her and mee ▪ Or must wee both alike reputed bee ; Well Sir is that the mayne you will disburse ? Or haue you no more Money in your purse ? The time I spend about this idle chat , May loose and hinder mee I know not what . Pish ; yet more dooing ? pray Syr hold your hand , And iest with those you boldly may command . Had I not thought you one of better proofe , You nere should entred haue within my roofe . A man of your sort , sparing his expence ? I pray Syr hold me not I must goe hence . But ere I part , knowe without more relate , A French Crowne is my least and lowest rate . Which if you haue not , you may leaue some pawne , Nor will I to a dodkin lesse be drawne . But scorne for thrice as much I tell you true , Thus prostitute my selfe , wert not to you . Tut , nere tell me you l come againe and pay , I haue too oft bene vs de with such delay . Nor talke of Oaths as promise once gone hence , Wee loue the Present , not the Future Tence . You know my minde : the'res now no more to say ; Doe this , or here 's the Dore ▪ and ther 's the way . — Cetera deficiunt . Mens conscia recti . RAlph told his Mistresse hee had done with her , Which she conceiu'd at worst and calld him knaue Threatning to bring him 'fore an Officer Where shee th' advantage of the Law might haue . Indeed ( qd. Ralph ) I nere presumd so on you , Till now you pleasd ' to take the Whore vpon you . Hypocrita videatur . PVllus supposeth none obserues his haunts , Of stealing secretly vnto mine Aunts , Without his Page ; Oh Syr it might be said , He else were seene to kisse the Kitchin-Mayde . Or suffer Sisse or Susan search his Hose , Which to the world his Page might chance disclose . Tut Pullus can such after-claps remoue , Et si non castè , tamen cautè proue . For nere of him was yet more seene or hard , Then of blinde George , or Iohn of Pauls-Church-yarde . Meliùs sit per Deputatum . A Clyent that to London came for Law , In right of Land which some had sought withdraw Finding his Aduocate gone forth a mile , Propounds the Case vnto his wife the while . Who soone deciding it without expence , Tolde him the fault was in his Euidence . Cedendum necessitati . FRauciscas sweares hee 'l be no more forsworne , No more will Swagger , Surfet , or be drunck : No more his locks will weare at length but shorne , No more converse or sollace with his Punck . No more chast Widdowes , Maides , or Wiues abuse , No more leawd Songs , or bawdy termes repeat : No more Tobacco midst of Dinners vse ; No more detract , lye , flatter , cogge , or cheat . For true it is , Time now hath better taught him , Since late that scuruy Woodstreet-Counter caught him . Nescit Stultus irasci . COdrus a Countrey Clowne , well worth the naming Fell amongst Gamesters late to learne their vice : That ( soone intreated , ) drawne was into Gaming , And gulld of all his Golde , with cheating Dice ; Which Codrus seeing , halfe in anger swore , They nere from him should gaine one penny more . Viuitur ex Fumo . FVscus growes fat , yet feedes on nought at all , How liues hee then to any Creatures thincking ? Oh Syr , by precepts Metaphysicall , For know that Fuscus deales in nought but drinking , No foode at all his Fancie can prouoke , But wholesome liquor , and a Pipe of Smoke . Ad Conscium , Epilogus . NOw what sayes Conscius to these scuruy Rymes , Are they not basest most absurd abuses ? Hadst not bene better by a thousand times , T' haue spent thy sixe-pence vpon other vses ? Come , th' art an Asse , nor canst by Approbation , Say yet precisely where the Saddle wrings : Onely doest feele by natures inclination , The more a Horse is galld , the more hee flings . Harke in thine Eare , if this thou thinkst disgrace , Next time I le ride thee through the Market-place .

SATYRS . Magnis , peccata mìnus . YEe nimble Satyrs , that with howling straine , Belch out the poysoned ' Canker yee containe Of Earths pollution , and the worlds offence , Maskt and obscur'd with secret vile pretence ; You that delight to torture men aliue , And through the channels of destruction diue ; Avaunt , dispatch , and looke yee not protract , To bring to light , each hainous horrid act . What ? Stand yee fearfull of mens outward features ? Or dread ye shadowes but of painted Creatures Whose seeming outsides onely made for showe Assume the substance which themselues not know ; Or is 't because you scorne to dignifie The leawde ambition of prowd bastardie ; Where can yee finde within Earths continent , Men of that rare refined Element Who fearing to be damnd or checkt for blame , Are more lesse subiect vnto sinne then shame ; But so delight in lewdnes to excell , As they prooue Diuells before they come to Hell ; Drunck with the dregges of sinnne insatiate , Appearing Monsters most adulterate . Carelesse of Blisse , of Conscience , or of Soule , Till glut of guiltines their deedes controule : And they with Vleers so infected are , As euery limme is blemisht with a skarre Of shamelesse , leawde , and loath'd iniquitie , Sprung from the loynes of lust and infamie . Nurst with the milke of that infectious euill , Which thus hath made them Chiildren for the Diuell . And now swolln bigge with blushlesse Impudence , Presume their greatnes may with Ioue dispence . prescribing to themselues those rules of reasons , As must accord with their owne times and seasons . What 's hee that 's drunck , or sursets ( hauing wealth ) But will alledge t' is Physicke for his health . That Venus sports and Carnall appetite Are for euacuation requisite . That murder rape and incest ( threatning ruth ) Are all but held as idle toyes of Youth . Mischiefes that pleasures bring who would preuent , Ther 's tyme ( say they ) hereafter to repent . Or that their best of deedes are done too late , If to be damnd it be predestinate . Some Woolues in Sheep-Skinnes wrapt gainst such men barke , And care not what themselues doe in the darke . Yet chiefly are or daind to rule the rout , Because their Office herein beares them out . Who knowes not Greatnes may dispence with Lawes , Ther s no resistance in a rich mans cause . For those bewitching Obiects , Golde and pleasure , Are Plutoes Agents that augments his treasure . And do perswade vs , there 's no Hell but feare , No life , nor ioy , nor paine , but this life here . The weake ones ●anting grace streight follow this , Credulitie in ill , robbs man of blisse . Man wrongs his Maker by his want of merit , Sinne giues a sharpe edge to a Satyrs spirit . Pyde Vanitie , th' inticing bayte for Fooles , Muffles our Knowledge , to intrappe our Soules . The world growne Aged , should prepare to end , But Nature so gainst reason doth contend . As Light of Knowledge is put out by time , And to be vertuous now is held a crime . For those seuen Sciences their grounds of Arts , Haue euermore possest their sacred parts . Which seuen wide steppes vnto Damnation , Deciph'red are in order one by one . First , Selfe-lou'd Pride , the Idoll of the Court , Is Plutoes Agent drest to make him sport . And that mis-shapen Monster Drunkennesse , Is his sworne Taster to the Furies messe . Next horrid Murder , makes his veynes to swell , And is as Butcher to the King of Hell . Couetousnesse is his chief'st Officer , And Enuie forreine-States Interpreter . Sloath is his Chamber-groome , and makes the Bed To Lust , his Sodomitick Ganymed . Thus Pluto spends the TIME amidst those Reuills , That first for pleasure were deuizde by Diuells . Who surfetting at length , made drunk with myrth , Casts vp those Monsters to defile the Earth That with weake Frailtie , lickes those vomits vp , For Plutos Nectar , which must fill his Cuppe . These Hellish States-men , these foule-killing sinnes , To follow here on Earth who so beginnes . And meanes to practise , as they come but neare him , Well may hee know GOD , but hee cannot feare him . Trahit sua quemqueVoluptas . HOwle on yee Satyrs , whilst I sit and marke , How woluish-Enuie at my Muse doth barke . Backbite , detract , rayle , slaunder , and reuile , With words of hatred and vnciuill stile . First comes a Statesman to the Stationer , And many better Bookes hee passing ouer , By chaunce findes this , whereon he reades a while , Then bytes the lippe , then frownes , then giues a smile , And to the Seller sayes such fiery braines , Should warme the prison to reward their paines . Becomes it any man of his profession , Reproue vs of our manners or transgression ? Away goes hee ; Next comes my gallant Dycer , His ordinarie stomacke is more nicer , Who asks for new Books ; this the Stationer showes him : Streight sweares t' is nought vnles the Poet knows him . Nor will hee read a Line : this Fortunes Mynion , Likes for sooth nothing but his owne opinion . The mending Poet takes it next in hand , Who hauing oft the Verses ouer-scand . ' O filching streight , doth to the Stationer say , Heer 's foure lines stolne from forth my last New-play . And that hee 'l swere euen by the Printers Stall , Although hee knowes t is false hee speakes in all . Then comcs my Innes-of-Court-Man , in his Gowne , Cryes Mew , what Haekney , brought this wit to towne . But soone againe my gallant Youth is gon , Minding the Kitchin more then Littleton . Tut , what cares hee for Law , shall haue inough , When 's Father dyes , that Cankard Miser-Chuffe . Put him a Case in Ploydon then who will , That being his , plod you on Law-Bookes still . Next comes by my Familiar , yet no Spirit , Who forceth me his Friendship to inherit . He sees my Booke in Print , and streight hee knowes it , Then asketh for the Booke , and the Boy showes it . Then reades a while and sayes , I must commend it , But sure , Some Frend of his for him hath pend it . He cannot write a Booke in such a fashion , For well I wote t' was nere his Occupation . Besides by Checquer-Clarks , that oft haue seene him , I nere could heare of Schollership was in him . T were good to poze him but to haue it knowne , Or t' is no matter , let it euen alone . Next after him , your Countrey-Farmer viewes it , It may be good ( saith hee ) for those can vse it . Shewe mee King Arthur , Beuis , or Syr Guye , Those are the Bookes he onely loues to buye . Well , that he likes and walkes . Then comes a Diuell , With sober countenance , and Garments ciuill . A Puritane , or pure one , choose you whether , ( For both as one makes selfe-same sense together . ) Hee lookes on some , and finding this the next , With very sight therof his minde is vext . Fye ont't ( saith he ) that any man should buye , Such Bookes prophane of fained Poetrie , That teacheth vice , worse then your Playes on Stages , And is a shame to olde and future Ages . To louing Brother-hoods Communitie , That are defilde by such impuritie . Away retires my fained Publican , And after him next comes my Seruing-man . Who calls for new Bookes , heres one sayes the Boy , He reads , and tells him , tut , this is a toy , And nere will please our Maides that take delight , In bookes of Ladies or some valiant Knight . Those wittie workes buyes hee , and thence he passes , Next him comes my Scholaris , mongst those Asses ; Who scarce vouchsafes his eyes thereon to glance , Or reading but a line or two by chance . Must on it streight way striue to breake a iest , ( As who shall know hee 's wiser then the rest . ) His wit that made this , well may begge by Pattln , I le nere allow that good which hath no Lattin . Besides , how euer I disdaine to read him , Vnles I knew what House or Colledge bred him . Lo thus my Batchellour of little Artes , Will needes ( presage t' is naught ) and so departs . At length comes-by my Mungrell home-spun Clarke , Whose Antique gesture I beseech you marke . No sooner this my Booke in hand he seeth , But rubs his elbow , showes his butter teeth , And sayes , Is' t English ? then let him alone , For other language ( tells you ) learnt he none . But knowes by whome this Epigram was made , Hee 's iust saith hee a man of mine owne Trade . Then on the sudden falls his courage downe , Finding a Clarke translated from a Clowne . Which hauing read , n'ere asks him how they sell , But steales away , and shames to bid Farewell . Last comes my scoffing Friend of scowring wit , Who thinks his iudgement boue all Arts doth sit . He buyes the Booke , and hastes him to the Play , Where , when he coms , and reads , Heer 's stuffe doth say . Because the lookers on may hold him wise , He laughs at what he likes , and then will rise , And takes Tobacco ; Then about will looke , And more dislike the Play , then of the Booke . At length is vext hee should with charge be drawne , For such slight sights to lay a Sute to pawne . A Number more like Addle braines as these , I could giue Physicke to for their disease . But better subiects shall employ my penne , Then the Low-minded muddy drosse of men , That wrong our labours by their duller spirits , And iudge vs by their hate , not by our merits . I taxe no one particular with crimes , That can finde fault at my Satyricke Rimes . Good men will loue mee , whiles the bad I lose . Hee that speakes alwayes truth , is sure of Foes . Sic Transit gloria Mundi . MArke & you loue me , who 's yond marching hither , Some braue Low-countrey-Captain , with his feather And high-Crownd-hat , see into Paules he goes , To showe his Doublet and Italian Hose . The whiles his Corporall walkes th' other Ile , To see what simple Gulls he can beguile , In hope of purchase , for if such he meet , They follow must his Captaine through the Street . Where the poore Gulls before this Leader stand , With lowly reuerence , and their Hats in hand . Houering an Idoll , for true worth it selfe , Because he keeps him braue with wrong got-pelfe . But note this Gallants Genealogie , Then shall you see his byrth and progenie . His Father liu'd by gaming to defraude , His Mother was an Ale-wite and a Bawde . Yet doth this Outside so deceyue mens sight , As oftentimes hee 's taken for a Knight . But Farewell Captaine , and now note this man , This griping Mammon that doth all he can To bee on Earth Great Plutoes-Treasurer , And when he dies , in Hell an Officer . This Slaue in Cash hath forty thousand pound , Yet such a wretch there breaths not on the ground . His Parents in their liues , gaue him their state , But he returnd their loues with matchlesse hate . 〈…〉 That like a Pellican to doe him good ▪ He nourisht was by sucking of their blood . And now possest of all they had before , Vnnaturally against them shuts his Dore. Yet now this Monster liues to doe more euill , Lurking here still a Ledger for the Diuell . The next to him comes Prodigalitie , A Townesmans Heire strowting in brauerie . This Foole makes Suppers for Whores , Bawds , & Cheators , Yea , lends them money , but to call them Debtors . Nere lookes to hate ' againe : Cousnage defeat him , When he wants Money at his neede , they beate him . No wonder , for hee more deserues by halfe , T is good enough for such a golden Calfe . Of whom a man may trulie prophesie , His ende will be diseased Beggerie . Next a penurious Miser wretch comes forth , That owes his bellie more then he is worth . Yea , faine would feede out of the Prisoners basket , Wert not for feare , or shame , he durst not aske it . Yet hath his Shoppe and Cellers stufft with Wares , Which to make profite of hee onely cares . Nere breakes the interest that thence redounds , But is as prouident in pence as pounds . Who to saue charges faine would woolward goe , But that he doubts the world thereof should know . Tut , penny sau'de ( saith hee ) is penny got , Spend they that meane to begge , I like it not . If labour or preuention can it let , Hee l ' not in Fleete or Counter lye for Debt . No , no , such Husbands as are worldly wise , Will spend no more then nature shall suffise . As not to drinke more then their braynes can carie , For feare their iudgements from their wits should varie . A thousand Cautions more hee might inferre , To make him proue a damned Vsurer . Adding still Interest to the principall , Till in the ende hee hang himselfe for all . But note what sober Citizen comes next , That like a Preacher will expound a Text. And tell what danger comes by doing euill , Speake like a Saint , and doe worse then a Diuell . For Golde heel' wrong his Father , cheat his Brother , And yet these faults reproues hee in an other . Who vnder cloake of Ciuill pollicie , Presumes to couer all his villanie . Pluto takes pride to see these plants so flourish , Who as his Children hee desires to nourish , And takes them home when they haue spent their prime Least tarrying long they should corrupt more time . But wherefore rippe I vp those dregges of men , That wrongs true labour and a Satyrs pen . To treat of Warres or Actions to be done , Let next the Current of your Channells runne . ¶ A Paradox in praise of Warre . PEACE thou Corrupter of Mortalitie , Mother of shame and base securitie . Whose beggerd wombe so many Bastards brings , Three parts must starue , the rest like demie Kings , Raigne 'ore their Brothers , all maligne their byrth , To haue one Father , yet are Slaues on Earth ▪ Aide mee ye powers , whose influence got you Fame , To rippe the wombe of peace , and shewe her shame , Peace makes a faire showe , but t is fowle within , Peace like to Riuers , feedes a Sea of sinne . Let Warre in Forraine Lands hunt drowzie Peace . And in a iust cause mans renowme increase . T' is wholsome Warre dissolues the course of sinne , Men best repent , when dangers neere beginne To shew their Faces ' ; but whiles peace doth hold , Our strength is weake , and our Deuotion cold . Safety from worldly danger makes men thinke , They that stand fast on earth shall neuer sinke . The Countrey-Myser that his gold preserues , To feede him fatte whiles many thousand starues , Is thus occasiond by this slothfull peace , Which lessens vertue to make vice increase . T' is searelesse Peace makes pleasure mans chiefe God , We want both sight and feeling of Warres rodde . That Land more happie is that Warre doth nourish , Causing the world in better state to flourish . For danger makes vs feare a sudden ende , Feare saddes the soule because it did offend . The feare of danger makes each man prepard , And of his ill past life to haue regard . Danger calls Conscience to a strict account , Repentance makes a heauie soule to Mount . T is soft securitie lulls men in sinne , That onely couet but Earths ioyes to winne . T is idle Peace that breedes in vs such faction As kills at home , for want of Forraine action . The Valiant man doth hence his Fame increase , Maintaines himselfe by warres , growes poore by peace ! Hence flowes the fountaines of detected vice , Sloath , Lust , Deceipt , and filthie Auarice . Extortion , Vsurie , and gaines Excesse , Gryping the Liuing of the Fatherlesse . So they by vse or fraude their bagges may fil . In show of goodnes they 'l commit all ill . Cheat their owne Brother to gaine worldly drosse , And make them poore by Law , that such dares crosse . For this all-wishing - Golde is of that force , As muffles Iustice , and exiles Remorce . Golde in these times can turne the wheele of Fate , And make them best belou'd deserues most hate . Golde can make peace ioyne hands of deadly Foes , Gold can make warre again wound peace with blowes : T' is peace that makes this Indian Golde ador'd This golden Calfe Idolatrizde , abhor'd . Golde in the soule breedes such an alteration , As men desire it more then their saluation . Some cut mens throats for Golde , commit all euils , Gold makes them Gods on Earth , and in Hell Diuels . T' is pursie Peace that makes it of such price , And is the Mother of all sinne and vice . Making vs prone to all securitie , Which thus proceedes through times securitie . Peace makes Religion faint , and not regarded , Vertue a Beggar , Learning vnrewarded . Strange new Damnations , drowzie Peace beginnes , And now the world well knowes the worst of sinnes , Which through securitie doe so increase , As endlesse plagues are matched still with Peace . Plura sequerentur .