The mous-trap Parrot, Henry. This text is an enriched version of the TCP digital transcription A09041 of text S110284 in the English Short Title Catalog (STC 19334). Textual changes and metadata enrichments aim at making the text more computationally tractable, easier to read, and suitable for network-based collaborative curation by amateur and professional end users from many walks of life. The text has been tokenized and linguistically annotated with MorphAdorner. The annotation includes standard spellings that support the display of a text in a standardized format that preserves archaic forms ('loveth', 'seekest'). Textual changes aim at restoring the text the author or stationer meant to publish. This text has not been fully proofread Approx. 39 KB of XML-encoded text transcribed from 24 1-bit group-IV TIFF page images. EarlyPrint Project Evanston,IL, Notre Dame, IN, St. Louis, MO 2018 A09041 STC 19334 ESTC S110284 99845854 99845854 10780 2240928830

This keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the Early English Books Online Text Creation Partnership. This Phase I text is available for reuse, according to the terms of Creative Commons 0 1.0 Universal . The text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission.

Early English books online. (EEBO-TCP ; phase 1, no. A09041) Transcribed from: (Early English Books Online ; image set 10780) Images scanned from microfilm: (Early English books, 1475-1640 ; 1283:21) The mous-trap Parrot, Henry. [44] p. [By W. Jaggard] for F. B[urton] dwelling at the Flower de Luce and Crowne in Pauls-churchyard, Printed at London : 1606. Dedication signed: H.P., i.e. Henry Parrot. Epigrams; in verse. Printer's and publisher's names from STC. Signatures: A-F⁴ (-A1,F4). With a title-page woodcut. Running title reads: Epigrams. Reproduction of the original in the Henry E. Huntington Library and Art Gallery. eng Epigrams, English -- Early works to 1800. eebo The mous-trap. Parrot, Henry 1606 47 6499 9 0 0 0 0 0 13.85 C The rate of 13.85 defects per 10,000 words puts this text in the C category of texts with between 10 and 35 defects per 10,000 words. 2003-03 Assigned for keying and markup 2003-04 Keyed and coded from ProQuest page images 2003-05 Sampled and proofread 2003-05 Text and markup reviewed and edited 2003-06 Batch review (QC) and XML conversion

THE MOVS-TRAP .

MORDENTEM MORDEO ▪
Vni si possim , posse placere sat est .

Printed at London for F. B. dwelling at the Flower de Luce and Crowne in Pauls-churchyard . 1606.

To his no little respected friend little IOHN BVCK , I dedicate this my little Booke .

SIrrha Iacke , it fareth with me , as with a fearefull and faint-hearted Souldior , that being danted at the brunt of Wars , would faine betake himselfe vnto his heeles ; or as some humorous or fantastick Painter , who falling in dislike with his owne workmanshippe , dasheth out that in a moment , which he framed not in a month . I once was willing to publish these ydle rimes , which then I reckoned without mine hoast ( as thinking on the Suruayors , but not controulers heereof ) for to their doome and indignation I either must submit my selfe , or yeeld to be beaten with mine owne Incke-horne . Alasse you see t is but the silly Mouse , I onely aime at , for any greater or more venomous vermine , I leaue them altogether to the cunning Rat-catcher , ( my little trap being much too weake and vnable to hold them . ) Thy counsell gentle Iohn ) comes now to late in this extremity or rather ambiguity of difference , that should haue held my peace ( thou wile say ) till mine accusers had brought their actions ; wherunto I might better haue pleaded , Non est factum , then rashly thus in Publicum proripere : But seeing that which is done , cannot be now vndone , I must aduenture the worst that may come , Semel insaniuimus omnes , and there s my rest . Farewell .

Thine in the prodigallity of his Loues sincerity . H P
To the plaine-dealing Reader .

HOnest friend , and good fellow , ( for so durst I cal a very good mans Sonne ) howsoeuer others may take exceptions ; if any such ther be , t is ten to one I know them not , or at lest desire not to be knowne of them , for to none such offer I these abortiue lines , that either are of curious apprehension , famous profession , or austere disposition . But then may they come vpon me with that olde saying of Quam quisque norit artem , with nec Sutor vltra crepidam : t is true , i le not deny but that euery fool may make a rime , though for my owne part , I no more professe the one , then willingly would assume the other . I could haue said Right Courteous , woorthy , and respected Reader , but that you knowe were to insinuate ; which in a preface of so plaine consequence I hold most friuolous and vnnecessary : Howbeit with some it is as vsual as salt and spoons before meat . But you may see I meddle not with you , or any so iudicious Audience . To thee my therefore kind familiar , and olde acquaintance , I trust I shall not neede vse many complementes ( a worde more stale than Mackarel in Iuly ) which if it but relish in thy mouth neare so little ( I meane if it but iumpe with thy worste conceits ) I care not : At least do but suspend what thou immaginest , and it shall suffice . Farewell .

The Mouse-trap . Ad Curiosum . ANd why the Mouse-trap , quoth my Caualyer ? and looking further ( saies ) What haue we heere ▪ Faith neither Phisicke , nor Philosophy , affected Proze , or learned Poesie , The home-spun russet , suteth some that weare it , and many braue it out , that ill may beare it : I neither treat of stout Themistocles , nor vse I choise or quaint Hiperboles , Onely vnfold by way of borrowed rime , some few fantasticke humors of our time : Wherein ( if ought that s pleasing ) may content thee take it : If not , suppose no harme was meant thee , and good inough .
Faults escaped in Printing .

Epigram. 1. for their , read his . ep. 35. for lights , alights , ep. 50. for as , are . ep 51. for he , she . ep 57. for , but ( prouiso , ) but ( with prouiso ) ep. 62. for daily , duly . ep. 70 , leaue out for . ep. 92. leaue out good . Ibid , for hast , hadst .

The Mouse-trap .
Epigram. 1. LVseus that once lay with his Mistresse maide , And ( fearing much to haue the matter knowen ) Went to his fellow , whom he friendly praide , To counsell him , as were the case his owne : He that more cunning knew what should be done , Tooke this aduantage for their better speed . To finish that which th' other had begun ; But then alas , she proou'd with child indeed : And made the Woodcock ( who did first bewray it ) Stand to the reckning , that could better pay it .
2. NIsa , who from her window glaunst her eyes , saw Mopsus come , as fast as foote could trot : For ioy whereof , vpon her bed she lyes , ( as who should thinke , she slept and saw him not . ) 'T was very strange , vnlesse she meant herein , Her eyes should not be open vnto sinne .
3. WHen Caeus was accused of a rape , for stealing secretly to his maids bed : He hardly could the doome of lawe cape , ( had he not thus the matter coloured . ) That tooke his oath ( nor did he sweare amisse , ) He went not to his maids bed , for 't was his .
4. ASke Fiens how his luck at Dicing goes , Like to the Tide ( saith he ) it ebbes & flowes : Then I suppose his chance cannot be good , for all men knowes , 't is longer ebbe then flood .
5. YOung Codrus Land-lord to his fathers rents , which happy time ( long lookt for ) doth expire , Addresseth him with these abilliments , as least beseemes the sonne of such a Sire . And thus he gallants it some yeare and more , Vntill his Tenants thrust him out of doore .
6. A Scoffing mate , passing along Cheap-side , incontinent a gallant Lasse e●pied : Whose tempting brests ( as to the sale laid out , ) incites this youngster thus to gin to flour . Lady ( quoth he ) is this flesh to be sold ? no Lord ( quoth she ) for siluer nor for gold , But wherefore a●ke you ? ( and there made a stop ) To buy ( quoth he ) if not ? shut vp your shop .
7. BRisco that gallant yongster keepes his bed , as faining to be sick , but ( wot you why ? ) Not of an ague , or an aking head , no burning feauer , or French maladie . Tush , none of these can halfe so much molest him , As yonder flat-cap foole , that would arrest him .
8. IEsu how strange you make it Mistresse Iane , Will you not know your quondam tried friends ? Remember since you lodg'd in Pudding lane ; Shall former kindnesse merit no amends ? I say no more : well may you change your name , But once a whore , you should be still the same .
9. MOunsier Flemingo , fraught with Angels store , Would see faire London , neuer seene before : Where ( lodging with his Mistresse but one night , ) had ( ere he parted ) put them all to flight .
10. FIne Mistresse Delia defies the man , That proffers lesse to her then golden fees : What , thinke you her some common Curtizan , That will her credit or her custome leese ? In faith sir no : But ere you shall go hence , She will for once , accept of eighteene pence .
11. BRutus , that braue and compleat Caualier , Who thus of late in Fleet-street flourished ▪ Thought then no pleasure or expence too deare , But see how soone the case is altered . As that constrained to diuide the streete , He now betakes himselfe vnto the Fleete .
12. MAdam Rugosa knowes not where to finde , one chamber-maid of ten , that likes her minds But still my Lord ( on proofe of comely charge ) Prefers them to his Seruing-men in mariage .
13. THe times are waxen dead with Dalila , who ( since the Terme ) hath had but little sturring , Then was he sought-to more then Helena , And Gallants gallopt then in Coaches hurring . But now she speakes with all that please to call , Loe thus her trade doth Termely rise and fall .
14. FAunus for feates of Fencing beares the Bell. for skill in musick on each instrument : For dancing , caruing , and discoursing well , with other sundry gifts more excellent . But striuing still to make his credit stronger , The Taylor will not trust him any longer .
15. LAwrence hath lou'd his Mistris full seauen yeare , ( seru'd her I should say ) yet nere durst come neere So much as kisse her gloue , or tye her shooe , Thinke you your M●stris ( Lawrence ) should you woe ?
16. I Pray Sir , did you note on Sunday last , how richly Rubin was apparrelled ? Well may he be compared to a blast , or lik'd to one that 's metamorphised . For on next morning ( ere the day did dawne , ) All that he wore , and more , was laid to pawne .
17. WHat meaneth Rosamond to walke so late , when no man can d●cerne her face or feature : ( But by her habit may preiudicate , ) she is some faire , or rather famous Creature . Oh good Sir , vnderstand that in the darke , One man of twenty may mistake the marke .
18. I Asked Brusus , why he takes that paines , To trot in Terme time for so little gaines : His answer was , that such as stand on wooings , must howsoeuer , seeme to haue some dooings .
19. LOrellos wife is lately brought a bed , ( as luck would haue it ) of a goodly boy : The hopefull issue of her maiden-head , And onely lewell of the fathers ioy . Well ( God forgiue them that may thinke amisse , ) But sure as death , the Child is none of his .
20. TVsh hang it : haue at all ( sayes Curio , ) Comes not deuce ace , assoone as six & three ? Who would not rather , halfe his lands forgo , Then be out dar'd , by such a one as he . But thus he speakes ( his father scant yet cold , ) And neuer meanes to liue , till he be old .
21. SOto is lately gone to Sturbridge faire , whose little takings , makes the Gull dispaire : 'T were good some friend of his , would tel the Mome his wife hath had takings inough at home .
22. HOw comes it , Druso liues vnmaried , that whilome was a sutor to so many ; Alack , his loue hath still miscarried , And he ( misled ) was neuer lou'd of any . I doubt the griefe of such remembrance past , Will cause the Cockscombe hang himselfe at last .
23. HOw like you little Dol in her deepe ruffe , seemes she not now as proper as the best ? You thinke you may command her : marry muffe ? she scornes the motion : fough that were a iest . Because she sold her wares so cheape of late : Must they be alwayes prised at that rate ?
24. THis makes Menalcas muse aboue the rest , to see how quaint my Lady is a drest : For from the girdle vpwards ( durst he sweare , ) she doth the shape of very man appeare .
25. GAllus that greatest Roost-cock in the rout , swelleth as big as Bacchus did with Wine : Like to a Hulke , he beares himselfe about , and bristels as a Boare , or Porpentine . 'T is not his locks that makes him looke so big , For all men knowes he weares a Periwig .
26. NOw fie vpon thee Coward Nemius , that oft hast puld thy Ladies stockings on : Yet still wert bashfull , not so venturous , as scarce so much , her legge to looke vpon . Who comes so neare faire game , and lets it passe , ( At least vnproou'd ) approues himselfe an Asse .
27. YOung Lady Flora , when she first did wed , was then but carelesse of her Husbands bed : Which want of yeares made her esteeme as light , yet with her Seruing-man would daunce all night .
28. T Is strange to see , how pure , precise , and neat , Rufinus walketh in his ruffe-set band : Who will ( forsooth ) no flesh on Fridayes eate , but still on nice and curious points doth stand . Aske him wherefore , he giues you ghostly reason , But then his whore comes neuer out of season .
29. GVydo hath goodly lodgings that he lets , to Gentlewomen of the better sort : Nor careth he how little gaine he gets , so they approued be of good report . But still he lights vpon some lawlesse Trull , That by her sleights Guydo is made a gull .
30. WOuld any deeme Dacus were now the man , who was not worth of late a wooden Can ? Doubtlesse his skill in something doth surpasse , but his Red nose is still the same it was .
31. I Wonder when our Poets will forbeare , to write gainst Citizens their honest wiues : Who ( though vnknowne to me ) yet durst I sweare , they neuer wronged man in all their liues . Put case their husbands pocket ( you know what ) Must they on Stages needs be pointed at ?
32. PErswade not Romulus to take a wife , who is to wedlock sworne an enemie : And euer vowes to lead a single life , which he accoumpts most honest purity . Besides a thousand reasons that constraines him , Amongst the rest a Marchants wife maintaines him .
33. DAmon his Dick hath not these three yeares seene , nor knoweth where he hath concealed beene : Was it not strange , that they so iumpe should meet , both at a bawdy house in Turnebull-street ?
34. I Cry you mercy sir , I knew you not , thus Courtly Metamorphised of late : The Country questionlesse hath you forgot , you braue it out with that ma●estick state . As ( but I now recall whose sonne you were ) You might haue passed for some Nobles heyre .
35. POntus is posting hetherwards apace , to dine with diuers that in Fleetstreet meetes him , But see the lucklesse chance of such a case , assoone as he alights , the Sergeant greets him , So that the burthen he should haue defraid , Was wholy now , vpon mine Hostesse laid .
36. RVfus is wondrous rich , but what of that ? he liues obscurely like a water Rat : And his apparell , which he seldome buies , are such as Houns-dich and Long-lane supplies .
37. MIstresse Finetta , for her ready witte , is much admired , and belou'd of many , B●t this one fault of hers confoundeth it , she will devide , and iesting scoffe at any . Which by an ill accustom'd vse comes on her , And yet ther 's one that playes as much vpon her .
38. MOunsier Montanus is no little man , of vnaprooued valour to his foe : Perswade , or wooe him , with what words you can , hee le be reuenged , all the world must know . But when he found one with his wife in bed , For feare , or shame , he durst not shew his head .
39. CElso but newly wedded , doth repent , and meanes to be diuorst incontinent : Alas ( poore Celso ) knewst thou not before , she euer was , and will be still a ( — )
40. A Knot of Knaues are early met together , consulting where to breake their fast that day : Each well prepared , said no matter whether , for none amongst them had wherewith to pay . At length an honest gull , that knew them not , Came in by chance , and needs would pay the shot .
41. CVtbert our Cobler can no more forheare , to take Tobacco , then to liue vnknowne : He drinkes all whiffes at least , and learnes to sweare , by Heauens : his othes and humors are his owne . But adding herevnto a pot or more , He stands to nothing which he spake before ,
42. CLitus with clients is well customed , that hath the lawes but little studied : No matter Clitus ( so they bring thee fees ) how ill the Case , and thy aduise agrees .
43. FIe , would you offer Wynifrid that wrong , as to attempt her Virgin chastitie ? Well wotteth she , you cannot loue her long , and ( which is worse ) the world may it espie . Which ( once reuealed ) she wete quite vndone , And yet at length chaste Wynifride was wone .
44. PHilo is wondrous iealous of his wife , and vrgeth termes of shrewd suspition : But knowes not him the causer of his strife , yet will he yeeld to no condition . For more he vexed is that knowes it not , Then if you horne him to his face God wot .
45. SIsley and Kate are gone to frollick it , late in the euening with their Tom and Kit , What luck had they to buy their sport so deere , that in the morning must haue whipping cheere .
46. SVch were those Epigrams of elder times , done by that rare and matchlesse Martiall : As what s now written , are but idle rimes , ( compar'd to him ) that did surpasse them all . Not Virgil , Homer , Horace , Iuuenal , Nor all the rest were like to Martial .
47. MIstrisse Morinda is more coy then wise , but faire she is , and that most richly faire : Her husband beares it out ( let that suffice ) and all defects is able to repaire . But yet I wonder they should so excell , That haue been banckrout , all the world can tell .
48. NIlus that Niggard , spendeth much in wast , true : for he keeps a Drab , yet seemes she chast : Who ( least a wife from Lymbo should enlarge him , ) at all times serues his turne , but more doth charge him .
49. WHy should Hipolito be mal-content , with that which pleaseth fortune to alot : He thinkes it not perhaps indifferent , that some take ease , whiles other toyle and trot . Besides , will any man of patience , Be cal'd a Cuckold in his owne defence ?
50. WHat tell you me of such a Pesant Groome , that scrapeth vp together so much thrift : Which he obscures within some desart roome , and basely liues vnknowne by any shift . His lookes as Characters of his discent , sprung from the loynes of some mechanick Syte : That neuer knew what ciuill vsage ment , but to be only rich doth still aspire : Spurre such a one in ought but in his trade , And you shall soone perceiue he le proue a lade .
51. PEter hath lost his purse , but will conceale it , Least he that stole it , to his shame reueale it .
52. LIeutenant Lentulus liues discontent , and much repineth at the want of warres ▪ For when his credit , coine , and all is spent , what should he do , but idly curse the starres . Content thee Lentulus with thine estate , That wert not idle when thou ●●●als● the plate .
53. MArcellus museth how to spend that day , wherein it likes him not to see a play : But then he falls in some worse place I doubt , and stayes so long till he be fired out .
54. PRiscilla proues most dainty of a kisse , when she intreated , woo'd , and courted is : Lord how she simpring sits , and minceth it , in very deed Sir , shee le not eate a bit . As full of manners as of modestie , True ▪ if her vertue be hypocrisie .
55. OLd doting Claudus doth in hast desire , with beautious young Penelope to wed : Whose frozen appetite is set on fire , Vntill the match be throughly finished . Indeed as good dispatch , as make delay , That must be horned on his wedding day .
56. SIgnior Fantasmus nere such pleasure found , in any thing , as in a deep mouth'd hound : Small was that pleasure , when vpon one day , he lost his hayre , and hunted all away .
57. HAue you not heard of Mounseir Maximus , that liues by lending without interest : Yes , yes : but ( Prouiso tels you thus ) you must assure your lands , for such request . Which done , you le finde that inconuenience , As better 't were the Deuill had fetcht him hence .
58. WHen Cacus had beene wedded now three daies , and all his neighbors bad God giue him ioy : This strange conclusion with his wife assayes , why till her marage day she prou'd so coy . ( Quoth he ) we man and wife in manner were , a month before , then could we haue repented ? Alas ( quoth she ) had I not cause to feare , how you might conster it ( had I consented . ) Fore God ( quoth he ) 't was well thou didst not yeeld , for doubtlesse then my purpose was to leaue thee ▪ Oh Sir ( quoth she ) I once was so beguild , & thought the next man should not so deceiue me . Now out alas ( quoth he ) thou breedst my woe : Why man ( quoth she ) I speake but quid pro quo .
59. TAssus hath learning , but no ready wit , For drinke and dotage dayly drowneth it .
60. WHere hath Sir Iohn so long beene resident , leauing his pensiue Lady all amort : Who will not say ( woe worth such time mispent ) ( for griefe whereof she hath no list to sport . But leaue her not againe in such a plight , Least ( out of minde ) she proue more out of sight .
61. SAm swore an oth , that those late Lotteries , were meere deceits , and idle mockeries : For of a hundred , if he two did pluck , the slanders by would say , 't was Cuckolds luck .
62. SIluanus boasteth of those debts he owes , as who should thinke , his credit then was such : But all his substance , valued now ( God knowes ) amounts not to the twentith part so much . Tush , that 's no debt which ( due ) thou still delayest , But what with honest care thou daily payest .
63. HEard yee not yet of Captaine Ferdinand ? that was so wont to swagger and earowse : He lodgeth now no longer in the Strand , but is remoued thence to such a house : Where all his best acquaintance that he knowes , Will not redeeme th' one halfe of what he owes .
64. CAstus ( of all sinnes ) makes most conscience , that men should thus with chastity dispence : She that weds him , must haue his maiden-head ▪ at least may chance to bring a foole to bed .
65. NAy see if Momus yet can ceasse to flout , how should he choose , his meere conceits are such ? 'T is good sir : I le not say you are a lout , ( but may not one presume to thinke as much ? ) I doubt , when we haue both done what we can , The best will scarce proue good Gramatian .
66. SHall Simon Suckegge , simple Simkins sonne , be matcht with beauty for his little pelfe ? Much better were the Lobcock lost then wonne , vnlesse he knew how to behaue himselfe . But this hath euer beene the plague of it : That such are lou'd more for their wealth then wit .
67. FEstus that feasted long on delicates , now such fantastick fulsome dyet hates : Is it not reason he should spare at last , that hath consumed more then all in wast ?
68. BRaue minded Medon can no more endure , to liue in England , then to brooke the lye ▪ Tush , your temptations cannot him allure , he scornes them as an idle mockene . Vrge him no more , I tell you 't will but grieue him : For here his meanes no longer may releeue him .
69. NAy good Sir , giue vs leaue at least to know you , was not your father once a man of trade ? You now are riche : I know who may beshrow you , that for your sake , were younger brothers made . ( Hearke in your eare : 't is not the wealth you haue , Can shield you from the scandall of a Knaue .
70. PIso hath stolne a siluer Boul in iest , for which ( suspected onely , ) not confest : Rather then Piso will restore the boull , boldly aduentureth for to damne his soule .
71. BVt may they swell with enuie till they burst , ( so thou be rich , ) let others fret then fill : The Fox much better fareth being curst , and those that threaten , haue least power to kill . It cannot be thy trade should euer fall , That hast already got the Diuell and all .
72. MArcus that had a faire ( but wanton ) wife , by whom , all hope of issue was in vaine : Thought it a hellish and vngodly life , to reape no fruit , but labour still for paine . At length expecting ( what he found by chance ) and wisely seeing ( what he would not see . ) Steps him aside with smiling countenance , as if his luck were such as it should be . Was it not wit ( thinke you ? ) well go thy wayes , Thou more deseruest then a Martyrs praise .
73. CRasus of all things loueth not to buy , so many bookes of such diuersitie : Your Almanack ( sayes he ) yeelds all the sence , of times best profit and experience .
74. PAulus a Pamphlet doth in proze present , vnto his Lord ( The fruites of idle time : ) Who farre more carelesse , then therewith content . wished he would conuert it into rime . Which done ( & brought him at an other season , ) Said , now 't is rime , before nor time nor reason .
75. TIb tooke an oath , that Tomisin was no maid , who angry bad beare record what she said , As good haue publisht it with Trumpets blowne , as call for witnesse in a case so knowne .
76. WHen Milo meanes to spare , then spends he most let him but come where sport or gaming is , His humor cannot hold till all be lost , and neuer thinketh he hath done amisse . For thus resolued , Milo cares not whether , He pay th' one halfe or lye for all together .
77. SIr , can you tell where my young maister liues , that was surnamed here the Prodigall , He that so much for his silke Stockings giues , till nought is left him to buy bootes withall . Oh blame him not to make what show he can , How should he else be thought a Gentleman .
78. PHilippus flouteth at such ragged rimes , that much distasting , taxe not these his times : Indeed I iudge him much more better seene , in other trades that he hath trained beene .
79. YOung Mistresse Ioyce her husband doth solicit , to hire a garden-house neere to the fields : Which with her gossip she might weekely visit , ( for some thing must she haue that comfort yeelds ) I feare this Bower of weekely recreation , Will proue a place of dayly occupation .
80. BIndo hath lost his wife he knowes not where , and frantick seekes her all the street throughout : Take courage ( Bindo ) and be of good cheere , to morrow shalt thou finde her , ther 's no doubt . To morrow came , deseru'd she to be shent , That brought him home inough to pay his rent ?
81. SIlus hath sold his Crimsen Satten sute , and needs would learne to play vpon the Lute 'T is well done ( Silus ) for such sutes soone wast , whereas thy skill in Lutes will euer last :
82. WHen Rose had reckned her full time at large , she then bethinketh whom to nominate : That might partake with her insuing charge , at length with wisdom more considerate . She gesseth none ( mongst all the rest ) so fit , As is the Parish Priest to father it .
83. T Is knowne how well I liue sayes Romeo , and whom I list I le loue or will dispise : Indeed it 's reason good it should be so , for they that wealthy are , must needs be wise . But then 't is knowne you make most vse of that , Which better minds contemne , and spurne thereat .
84. MEcus is now become a frugall Syre , that spends no more then nature doth require : And yet his wife will proue a Traueller , although but once a yeare he lye with her .
85. THe humour of Tobacoo ( and the rest , ) wherein our gallants tooke their chiefe delight : Is dayly had ( me thinkes ) in lesse request , and will ( I feare ) in time be worne out quite . For now ech Pesant puffes it through his nose : As well as he that 's clad in veluet hose .
86. THe wicked reape what other men do sowe , But Cuckolds are excepted ( that you know . )
87. THe world is well amended with Sir Hugh , since from the time he was a Shepherd swaine , And little dreamed then ( I may tell you ) he should be made one of the Knightly traine . But ( for his substance answers not his will , ) As good haue dreamt or beene a Shepheard still .
88. MVsco , that alwayes kept with pollicy , what he had scraped since his infancie : Scarce one yere wedded ( for he needs would marry ) hath taken Ludgate for his Sanctuarie .
89. ZAnthus that wise and cunning Sophister , lyes now in Lymbo for a small offence : Who when he came before the officer , had not one word of wit to free him thence , Why thus it fares , when he should best dispute , The Deuill or some ill Plannet strikes him mute .
90. WHo brutes it Mistresse Parnell is no maide ▪ and will not answer such discourtesie ? She scornes the very worst that can be sayd , and stands so much on her v●rginitie . As flatly to their teeth she doth retort it , presuming none so vile that will report it .
91. DIck Swash ( or Swaggring Dick ) through Fleetstreet with Sis & Bettrice waiting at his heeles ( reeles ) To one that would haue tane the wall , he swore , doost thou not see my punck and Paramoure ?
92. DAcus hath damn'd himselfe on due regard , from Tauernes , Plaies , Tobacco , & from wine , Swearing he le liue like Iohn of Paules Churchyard , at least wil somtimes with good Duke Humfry dine . T were well done ( Dacus ) hast thou power to do it . But Dice and Drabs ( I feare ) will hold thee to it .
93. VRbanus that committed an offence , with a young country lasse ( poore silly foole ) To salue his credit soone conueyes her hence , vnto a Garden-house , or vaulting-schoole . Where now ( vnloaden of that lucklesse ill , ) and all dispatched ( saue the houshold charge : ) The goodman-Bawd , or Pander , ( which you will ) brings him no ticket , but a Bill at large . Item , for Pipkins , Pap , and other things , amounting all to twenty markes or more ▪ And this alowd into his eares he rings , pay Sir ( quoth he ) for shame discharge your score . Vrbanus loth to be proclaim'd a gull , was willing to compound in any wise : But yet not tending his demaund at full , said , he had seene the Lyons once or twise . The Lyons answers he , that may be true , but thinke you thence to merit any praise : Each Rustick may the Lyons dayly view , haue you not seene the Dragons in your dayes ? No ( quoth Vrbanus ) that I must confesse , Then sayd the Pandar , you must pay no lesse .
97. MAgus would needs forsooth this other day , vpon an idle humor see a play : When asking him at dore , that held the box , What might you call the play ? ( quoth he ) the Fox . In goes my Gen-man ( who could iudge of wit ) And being asked how he liked it : Said all was ill , both Fox and him that playd it , But was not he thinke you a Goose that said it ?
95. NAso is hurt , but how none can suppose , Least being drunke , so fell and broke his nose .
96. CAll Danus knaue , he straightwayes drawes his sword & makes you proue as much , or eate your word ▪ But if you call him honest Rogue or Iew , he hugges you then , for giuing him his due .
97. HAnd off sir Sauce-box , shee 's no meate for Groomes , or common wights of base born parentage : Alas your leane expence fits Ale-house roomes , that with Maid-Malkin holdeth equipage . Because Sir Tristram late intreated me , You would ( forsooth ) be thought as good as he .
98. QVintus hath layd a wager of a Crowne , hee le make a rime with any man in towne : For none ( thinkes he ) may Quintus skill surmount , Who can both write and read , and cast account .
99. A Health ( saith Lucas ) to his loues bright eye , which not to pledge , were much indignity : You cannot do him greater courtesie . then to be drunke and damn'd for company .
100. WE make our Epigrams , as men taste Cheese , which hath his rellish in the last farewell : Like as the purest liquor hath his leeze , so may you harshly end the tale you tell . The Tayle ( of all things ) some men ayme at most , Those that had rather fast , may kisse the post And ther 's an end .
EPILOGVS . THus haue I waded through a worthlesse taske , Whereto ( I trust ) ther 's no exceptions tane : For ( meant to none ) I answer such as aske , 't is like apparell made in Birchin lane . If any please to sute themselue● and weare it , The blame's not mine , but theirs that needs will beare it .