Merrie conceited iests of George Peele Gentleman sometimes a student in Oxford. Wherein is shevved the course of his life, how he liued: a man very well knowne in the citie of London, and elsewhere.

The Iests of GEORGE PEELE , with foure of his Companions at BRAINFORD .

GEorge , with others of his Associates , being mery together at the Tauerne , hauing more store of Goyne then vsually they did possesse , although they were as regardlesse of their siluer , as a garden whore is of her honesty : yet they intended for a season to become good husbands , if they knew how to be sparing of that their pockets were then furnished withall : Fiue pounds they had amongst them , and a plot must be cast how they might bee merrie with extraordinary cheere three or foure dayes , and kéepe their fiue pounds whole in stocke : George Peele was the man must doe it , or none , and generally they coniured him by their loues , his owne credit , and the reputation that went on him , that he would but in this shew his wit : and withall hee should haue all the furtherance that in them lay . George as easie as they earnest to be wonne to such an exploit , consented , and gathered their money together , and gaue it all to George , who should be their Purse-bearer , and the other foure should seeme as seruants to George Peele ; and the better to colour it , they should goe change their cloakes , the one like the other , so neere as they could possible : the which at Belzebubs brother the Brokers , they might quickly doe : This was soone accomplished , and George was fnrnished with his blacke Sattin suit , and a paire of bootes , which were as familiar to his legges , as the pillory to a Bakers or Colliers necke , and hee sufficiently possest his friends with the whole scope of his intent , as , gentle Reader , the sequell will shew . Instantly they tooke a paire of Oares , whose armes were to make a false gallop no further then Brainford , where their faire was paid them so liberally , that each of them the next tide to London , purchased two new wastcoates , yet should these good benefactors come to their vsuall places of trade , and if they spie a better fare then their owne , that happily the Gentleman hath more minde to goe withall , they will not onely fall out with him that is of their owne sweet transporters , as they are , but abuse the fare they carrie with foule speeches , as a Pox or the Deuill go with you ▪ as their Godfather Caron the Ferry man of Hell hath taught them . I speake not this of all , but of some that are brought vp in the East , some in the West , some in the North , but most part in the South : but for the rest , they are honest compleat men , leaning them to come to my honest George ; who is now merry at the three Pigeons in Braineford with Sache and Sugar , not any wine wanting , the Musicians playing , my host drinking , my hostis dauncing with the worshipfull Iustice , for so then he was tearmed , and his mansion house in Kent , who came thither of purpose to be merry with his men : because he could not so conueniently neere home , by reason of a shrewish wife he had : my gentle hostis gaue him all the entertainment her house could afford ▪ for M. Peele had paid royally ; for all his ●ne pounds was come to ten groats . Now , George Peeles wit labors to bring in that fiue pounds there was spent , which was soone begotten . Being set at dinner . My Host , quoth George , how fals the Tyde out for London , not till the euening , quoth mine Hoste , haue you any businesse Sir ? Yes marry , quoth George , I intend not to goe home this two dayes ▪ Therefore my Hoste saddle my man a horse for London , if you be so well furnished , for I must send him for one bag more , quoth George , ten pounds hath seene no Sunne this six moneths . I am ill furnished if I cannot furnish you with that , quoth my Hoste , and presently sadled him a good Nag , and away rides one of Georges men to London , attending the good houre of his Master Peele in London , in the meane time , George bespeakes great cheare to Supper , saying , He expected some of his friends from London : Now you must imagine there was not a peny owing in the house , for he had paid as liberall as Caesar , as far as Caesars wealth went . For indéed most of the money was one Caesars an honest man yet liuing in London ; but to the Catastrophe . All the day before , had one of the other men of George Peele beene a great soliciter to my Hostis , she would beg leaue of his Master he might goe sée a maid , a sweet heart of his so farre as Kingstone , and before his Master went to bed , he would returne againe : saying , he was sure shee might command it at his Masters hands . My kinde Hostis willing to pleasure the yong fellow , knowing in her time what belonged to such matters , went to Master Peel , and moued him in it : which he angerly refused : but she was so earnest in it , that shee swore hee should not deny her , protesting he went but to see an vncle of his some fiue miles off Marry I thanke you , quoth George , my good Hostis , would you so discredit me , or hath the knaue no more wit , then at this time to goe , knowing I haue no horse here , and would he base cullian go afoot ? Nay , good Sir , quoth mine Hostis , be not angry , it is not his intent to goe afoot : for hee shall haue my Mare , and I will assure you Sir , vpon my word , he shall be here againe , to haue you to bed ; wel , quoth George , Hostis , I le take you at your word , let him goe , his negligence shall light vpon you . So be it , quoth mine Hostis : so down goeth she ▪ and sends away ciuill Thomas , for so she cald him , to his swéet heart backt vpon her Mare : which Thomas instead of riding to Kingstone , tooke London in his way , where meeting with my other horseman , attended the arriuall of George Peele , which was not long after : they are at London , George in his Chamber at Brainford , accompanied with none but one Anthony Nit a Barber , who Din'd and Supt with him continually , of whom hee had borrowed a Lute to passe away the melancholy afternoone , of which he could play as well as Bankes his horse . The Barber very modestly takes his leaue ; George obsequiously bids him to supper , who ( God willing ) would not faile . George being left alone with his two supposed men , gaue them the meane how to escape , and walking in the Court , George found fault with the weather , saying , it was rawish and cold : which word mine Hostis hearing , my kinde Hostis fetched her Husbands holiday Gowne ; which George thankfully put about him , and withall called for a cup of Sacke , after which he would walke into the Meddowes , and practise vpon his Lute . 'T is good for your worship to do so , quoth mine Hostis : which walke George tooke directly to Sion , where hauing the aduantage of a paire of Oares at hand , made this Iourney for London , his two Associates behind had the plot in their heads by Georges instruction for their escape : for they anew he was gone , my Hostis she was in the Market buying of prouision for Supper : mine Hoste he was at Tables , and my two masterlesse men desired the maids to excuse them if their Master came for , quoth they , we will goe drinke two pots with my Smug Smithes wife at old Brainford . I warrant you , quoth the Maides . So away went my men to the Smiths at old Brainford , from thence to London , where they all met , and sold the Horse and the Mare , the Gowne and the Lute , which money was as badly spent , as it was lewdly got . How my Hoste and my Hostis lookt when they saw the euent of this ; goe but to the thrée Pigeons at Brainford , you shall know .

The Iest of George and the Barber .

GEorge was not so merry at London with his Capons and Claret , as poore Anthony the Barber was sorrowfull at Brainford for the 〈◊〉 of his Lute , & therefore determined to come to London to séeke out George Peele , which by the meanes of a kinsman that Anthony Nit had in London , his name was Cuts or Feats , a Fellow that has good skill in tricks on the Cards , and hée was well acquainted with the place where Georges common abode was : and for kindred sake he directed the Barber where he should haue him , which was at a blinde 〈◊〉〈◊〉 in Sea-●ol● Lane . There he found George in a greene Ierkin , a Spanish platter fashioned Hat , all alone at a Pecke of Oysters . The Barbers heart danc'd within him , for ioy he had so happily found him , he gaue him the 〈◊〉 of the day : George not a little abashed at the sight of the Barber , yet went out to discouer it openly , he that at all times had a quicke inuention , was not now behind hand to entertaine my Barber , who knew for what his comming was ▪ George sh●● saluted him , My honest Barber , quoth George , welcome to London , I partly know your businesse , you come for your Lute , doe you not ? Indeed Sir , quoth the Barber , for that is my comming . And beléeue me , quoth George , you shall not lose your labour , I pray you stand to and eat an Oyster , and I le goe with you presently ▪ For a Gentleman in the Citie of great worship , borrowed it of me for the vse of his Daughter , that playes excéeding well , and had a great desire to haue the Lute , but Sir , if you will goe along with me to the Gentlemans house , you shall haue your Lute with great satisfaction , for had not you come , I assure you I had sent to you , for you must vnderstand , that all that was done at Brainford among vs mad Gentlemen , was but a Iest and no otherwise . Sir I thinke not any otherwise , quoth the Barber : but I would desire your worship , that as you had it of me in lone ; so in kindnesse you would helpe me to it againe . Oh God what else , quoth George , I le goe with thee presently , euen as I am , for I came from hunting this morning ; and should I goe by to the certaine Gentleman aboue , I should hardly get away , I thank you Sir , quoth the Barber , so on goes George with him in this gréene Ierkin ▪ a wand in his hand very pretty , till he came almost at the Aldermans House , where making a sodaine stay , A fore God , quoth George , I must craue thy pardon at this instant , for I haue bethought my selfe , should I go as I am , it would be imagined I had had some of my Lords hounds out this morning , therefore I le take my leaue of thée , and méet thée where thou wilt about one of the Clock , nay good Sir , quoth the Barber , goe with me now : for I purpose , God willing , to be at Brainford to night , saist thou so , quoth George : why then I le tell thee what thou shalt doe , thou art here a stranger , and altogether vnknowne , lend me thy Cloake and thy Hat , and doe thou put on my gréene Ierken , and I le goe with thée directly along . The Barber loth to leaue him vntill he had his Lute , yéelded to the change . So when they came to the Gentlemans porch be put on Georges gréene Ierken , and his Spanish Hat : and he the Barbers Cloake and his Hat ; either of them being thus filted , George knocks at the doore , to whom the Porter bids heartily welcome , for George was well knowne , who at that time had all the ouersight of the Pageants , he desires the Porter to bid his friend welcome , for he is a good fellow and a Keeper , Master Porter , ofte that at his pleasure can bestow a haunch of Uenison 〈◊〉 you ; marry that can I , quoth the Barber , I thank you Sir , answered the Porter , Master Peele my Master is in 〈◊〉 Hall , pleaseth it you to walke in , 〈◊〉 al my heart , quoth George , in the meane time let my friend beare you company , that he shall Master Peele , quoth the Porter , and if it please him he shall take a simple dinner with me . The Barber giues him harty thankes , no 〈◊〉 doubting Master or Peele any way , séeing him knowne and himselfe so welcome : fell in Chat with the Porter , George Peele goes directly to the Alderman , who now is came into the Court in the eye of the Barber , where George after many complaints , drawes a black paper out of his bosome , & making action to the Barber , reads to the Alderman as followeth , I humbly desire your worship to stand my friend in a sleight matter , yonder-hard 〈…〉 that 〈◊〉 by your Worships Porter , hath 〈◊〉 me 〈…〉 , and 〈…〉 meanes but to take your worships house for shelter , the occasion is but triuiall , onely for stealing of a piece of flesh , my selfe consorted with three or foure gentlemen of good fashion , that would not willingly haue our names come in question . Therefore this is my 〈◊〉 , that your Worship would let one of your seruants let me out at the Garden doore , and I shall thinke my selfe much indebted to your Worship ▪ The kind Gentleman , 〈…〉 of George Peeles deceit 〈◊〉 him 〈…〉 the Par●●● , gaue him a brace of Angels , & caused one his seruants to let George out at the Garden doore , whiche was no sooner opened , but George made way for the Barber séeing him any more , and all the way he went could not choose but laugh at his knauish conceit : how he had guld the simple Barber , who sat all this while with the Porter blowing of his nayles : to whom come this fellow that let out George . You whorson Késperly Rascall , quoth the fellow , doe you come to arrest any honest Gentleman in my Masters house ? Not I so God helpe me , quoth the Barber . I pray Sir where is the Gentleman Master Peele that came along with me ? Farre enough , quoth the fellow , for your comming néere him , he is gone out at the Garden doore . Garden doore , quoth the Barber ? why haue you any more doores then one ? We haue sir , and get you hence or I le set you going goodman Keeper . Alas , quoth the Barber , sir I am no Keeper , I am quite vndone : I am a Barber dwelling at Brainford , and with weeping teares vp and told him how George had vsed him . The seruant goes in & tels his Master : which when he heard , he could not but laugh at the first : yet in pitty of the poore Barber , he gaue him twenty shillings towards his losse . The Barber sighing tooke it , and towards Brainford home he goes , and whereas hee came from thence in a new Cloake and a faire Hat , hee went home weeping in an old Hat , and a greene Ierken .

How George Peele became a Physicion .

GEorge on a time being happily furnished both of horse and money , though the horse he hired , and the money he borrowed : but no matter how he was possest of them : and towards Oxford he rides to make merry with his friends and fellow students : and in his way he tooke vp Wickham , where he soiourned that night : Being at supper accompanied with his Hostis : among other table-talke , they fell into discourse of Chirurgerie , of which my Hostis was a simple professor . Ceorge Peele obseruing the humour of my she Chirurgion , vpheld her in all , the strange cures she talked of , and prassed her womanly endeuour ; telling her , he loued her so much the better , because it was a thing that he professed , both Physicke & Chyrurgerie : and George had a Dictionary of Physicall words , that it might set a better glosse vpon that which he seemingly profest : and told his good Hostis , at his returne he would teach her something that should doe her no hurt : for ( quoth he ) at this instant I am going about a great Cure as farre as Warwick-shire , to a Gentleman of great liuing , and one that hath beene in a Cousumption this halfe yeere , and I hope to doe him good . O God , ( quoth the Hostis ) there is a Gentleman not a quarter of a Mile off , that hath beene a long time sicke of the same disease : Beleeue me , Sir , quoth the Hostis , would it please your Worship e're your departure in the morning , but to visit the Gentleman , and but spend your opinion of him , and I make no question but the Gentlewoman will bee very thankfull to you . I faith ( quoth George , happely at my returne I may ; but at this time my haste is such that I cannot : and so good night , mine Hostis. So away went George to bed ; and my giddy Hostis , right of the nature of most women , thought that night as long as tenne , till shee was deliuered of that burthen of newes which she had receiued from my new Doctor : ( for so hee termed himselfe . ) Morning being come , at breake of the day mine Hostis trudges to this Gentlemans house , acquainteth his wife what an excellent man she had at her house : protesting he was the best seene in Physicke , and had done the most strangest cures that euer she heard of : saying , that if shee would but send for him , no question he would doe him good . The Gentlewoman glad to heare of any thing that might procure the health of her Husband , presently sent one of her men , to desire the Doctor to come and visit her Husband : Which message when George heard , hee wondred : for hee had no more skill in Physicke then in Musicke , and they were as distant both from him , as heauen from hell . But , to conclude , George set a bold face on it , and away went he to the sicke Gentleman ; where when hee came , after some complement to the Gentlewoman , hee was brought to the Chamber where the ancient Gentleman say wonderfull sicke : for all Physicke had giuen him ouer : George beginnes to feele his Pulses and his temples , saying , hee was very farre spent : yet , quoth hee , vnder GOD I will doe him some good , if Nature bee not quite extinct . Whereupon hee demanded whether they had euer a Garden ? That I haue , quoth the Gentlewoman . I pray you direct me thither , quoth George . Where when hee came , hee cut a handfull of euery Flowre , Herbe and Blossome , or whatsoeuer else in the Garden ; and brought them in in the lapis of his Cloake , boyled them in Ale ; strained them , boyled them againe ; and when he had all the iuyce out of them , of which he made some pottle of drinke , he caused the sicke Gentleman to drinke off a maudlin Cup full , and willed his wife to giue him of that same at morning , noone , and night ▪ protesting , if any thing in this world did him good , it must bee that : giuing great charge to the Gentlewoman to keepe him wonderfull warme : and at my returne , quoth George , some tenne dayes hence , I will returne and see how he fares : For , quoth he , by that time something will be done ; and so I will take my leaue . Not so , quoth the Gentlewoman , your Worshippe must needes stay and take a simple dinner with mee to day . Indeede , quoth George , I cannot now stay ; my haste is such , I must presently to Horse . You may suppose George was in haste vntill he was out of the Gentlemans house : for hee knew not whether hee had poysoned the Gentleman or not , which made him so eager to bee gone out of the Gentlemans house . The Gentlewomon séeing she could by no meanes stay him , gaue him two brace of Angels , which neuer shined long in his purse , and desired him at his returne to know her house : which George promised , and with seeming nicenesse tooke the gold , and towards Oxford went he , fortie , shillings heauier then he was , where hee brauely dominéered while his Physicall money lasted . But to see the strangenesse of this : Whether it was the vertue of some herbe which hee gathered , or the conceit the Gentleman had of George Peele , but it so pleased GOD the Gentleman recouered , and in eight dayes walked abroad ; and that fortunate potion which George made at randome , did him more good then many pounds that he had spent in halfe a yeere before in Physicke . George his money being spent , he made his returne towards London ; and when he came within a mile of the Gentlemans house , hee enquired of a Countrey fellow how such a Gentleman did . The fellow told him . God be praised , his good Landlord was well recouered by a vertuous Gentleman that came this way by chance . Art thou sure of it , quoth George ? Yes , beleeue me , quoth the fellow , I saw him in the Fields but this morning . This was no simple newes to George . He presently set spurres to his Horse , and whereas hee thought to shunne the Towne , hee went directly to his Inne : at whose arriuall , the Hostis clapt her hands , the Oastler laught , the Tapster leapt , the Chamberlaine ran to the Gentlemans house , and told him the Doctor was come . How ioyfull the Gentleman was , let them imagine that haue any after-healths . George Peele was sent for , and after a Million of thankes from the Gentleman and his friends , George Peele had 20. pounds deliuered him : which money , how long it was a spending , let the Tauernes in London witnesse .

How George helped his friend to a Supper .

GEorge was inuited one night by certaine of his friends to supper , at the White Horse in Friday stréet ; and in the euening as he was going , hee met with an old friend of his , who was so ill at the stomacke , hearing George tell him of the good cheere he went to , himselfe being vnprouided both of meate and money , that he swore he had rather haue gone a mile about , then haue met him at that instant . And beleeue me , quoth George , I am heartily sorry that I cannot take thee along with mee , my selfe being but an inuited guest ; besides , thou art out of cloathes , vnfitting for such a company : Mary this I le doe , if thou wilt follow my aduice , I le helpe thée to thy supper . Any way , quoth hee to George , doe thou but deuise the meanes , and I le execute it . George presently tolde him what hee should doe ; so they parted . George well entertained , with extraordinary welcome , and seated at the vpper end of the Table , Supper being brought vp , H. M. watched his time below ; and when he saw that the meate was carried vp , vp hee followes , ( as George had directed him , ) who when George saw , You whorson Rascall , ( quoth George ) What make you heere ? Sir , quoth he , I am come from the partie you wot of . You Rogue , quoth George , haue I not forewarned you of this ? I pray you , Sir , quoth hee , heare my Errand . Doe you prate , you Slaue , quoth George ? and with that , tooke a Rabbet out of the Dish , and threw it at him . Quoth hee , you vse mee very hardly . You Dunghill , quoth George , doe you out-face me ? and with that , tooke the other Rabbet , and threw it at his head ; after that a Loafe ; then drawing his Dagger , making an offer to throw it , the Gentleman staid him : meane while H. M. got the Loafe and the two Rabbets , and away he went : which when George saw he was gone , after a little fretting , he sate quietly . So by that honest shift hee helped his friend to his supper , and was neuer suspected for it of the company .

How George Peele was shauen , and of the reuenge he tooke .

THere was a Gentleman that dwelt in the West Countrey , and had staid heere in London a Tea●me longer then hee intended , by reason of a Booke that George had to translate out of Greeke into English : and when he wanted money , George had it of the Gentleman : but the more he supplyed him of Coine , the further off he was from his Booke , and could get no end of it , neither by faire meanes , entreatie , or double payment : for George was of the Poeticall disposition , neuer to write so long as his money lasted ; some quarter of the Booke being done , and lying in his hands at randome . The Gentleman had plotted a meanes to take such an order with George next time he came , that he would haue his Booke finished . It was not long before he had his company ; his arriuall was for more money : the Gentleman bids him welcome ; causeth him to stay dinner , where falling into discourse about his Booke , found that it was as néere ended as he left it two moneths ago . The Gentleman , meaning to be gui'd no longer , caused two of his men to binde George hand and foot in a Chayre : a folly it was for him to aske what they meant by it : the Gentleman sent for a Barber , and George had a beard of an indifferent size , and well growne : he made the Barber shaue him beard and head , left him as bare of haire , as he was of money : the Barber he was well contented for his paines , who left George like an old woman in mans apparell ; and his voyce became it well , for it was more woman then man . George , quoth the Gentleman , I haue alwayes vsed you like a friend , my purse hath beene open to you : that you haue of mine to translate , you know it is a thing I highly estéeme ; therefore I haue vsed you in this fashion , that I might haue an end of my Booke , which shall be as much for your profit as my pleasure . So forth-with he commanded his men to vnbinde him , and putting his hand into his pocket , gaue him two brace of Angels : quoth hee , Master Peele , drinke this , and by that time you haue finished my booke , your beard will be growne , vntill which time , I know you will be ashamed to walke abroad . George patiently tooke the gold , said little , and when it was darke night , tooke his leaue of the Gentleman , and went directly home : who when his wife saw , I omit the wonder shee made , but imagine those that shall behold their husbands in such a case . To bed went George , and ere morning hee had plotted sufficiently how to cry quid pro quo with his politicke Gentleman .

The Iest of George Peele at Bristow .

GEorge was at Bristow , and there staying somewhat longer then his coyne would last him , his Palfrey that should bee his Carrier to London , his head was growne so big , that he could not get him out of the stable : it so fortuned at that instant , certaine Players came to the Towne , and lay at that Inne where George Peele was : to whom George was well knowne , being in that time an excellent Poet , and had acquaintance of most of the best Players in England : from the triuiall sort hee was but so so ; of which these were , only knew George by name , no otherwise . There was not past three of the companie come with the Carriage , the rest were behinde , by reason of a long Iourney they had ; so that night they could not enact ; which George hearing , had presently a Stratageme in his head to get his Horse free out of the stable , and Money in his purse to beare his charges vp to London : And thus it was : Hee goes directly to the Maior , tels him he was a Scholler and a Gentleman , and that he had a certaine Historie of the Knight of the Rodes ; and withall , how Bristow was first founded , and by whom , and a briefe of all those that before him had succeeded in Office in that worshipfull Citie : desiring the Maior , that he , with his presence , and the rest of his Brethren , would grace his labors ▪ The Maior agreed to it , gaue him leaue , and withall appointed him a place : but for himselfe , hee could not be there , being in the euening : but bade him make the best benefit he could of the Citie ; and very liberally gaue him an Angell , which George thankfully receiues , and about his businesse he goes , got his Stage made , his History cryed , and hyred the Players Apparell , to flourish out his Shew , promising to pay them liberally ; and withall desired them they would fauour him so much , as to gather him his money at the doore : ( for hee thought it his best course to imploy them , lest they should spie out his knauerie ; for they haue perillous heads . ) They willingly yéeld to doe him any kindnes that lyes in them ; in briefe , carry their apparell to the Hall , place themselues at the doore , where George in the meane time , with the tenne shillings he had of the Maior , deliuered his Horse out of Purgatorie , and carries him to the Townes end , and there placeth him , to be ready at his comming . By this time the Audience were come , and some forty shillings gathered , which money George put in his purse , and putting on one of the Players Silke Robes , after the Trumpet had sounded thrice , out he comes , makes low obeysance , goes forward with his Prologue , which was thus : A trifling Toy , a Iest of no account , pardie . The Knight , perhaps , you thinke for to bee I : Thinke on so still : for why , you know that thought is free , Sit still a while , I le send the Actors to ye .

Which being said , after some fire-workes that hee had made of purpose , threw out among them , and downe stayres goes he , gets to his Horse , and so with fortie shillings to London ; leaues the Players to answer it ; who when the Iest was knowne , their innocence excused them , beeing as well gulled as the Maior and the Audience .

How George gulled a Puncke , otherwise called a Croshabell .

COmming to London , hee fell in company with a Cockatrice ; which pleased his eye so well , that George fell aboording of her , and proffered her the wine : which my Croshabell willingly accepted : to the Tauerne they goe , where after a little idle talke , George fell to the question about the thing you wot of . My she-Hobby was very dainty , which made George arre more eager ; and my letcherous animall proffered largely to obtaine his purpose . To conclude , nothing she would grant vnto , except ready coyne , which was forty shillings , not a farthing lesse : if so he would , next night she would appoint him where he should meete her . George saw how the game went , that she was more for lucre than for loue , thus cunningly answered her : Gentlewoman , howsoeuer you speake , I doe not thinke your heart agrees with your tongue ; the money you demand is but to try mee : and indeed but a trifle to me : but because it shall not bee said I bought that Iemme of you I prize so highly , I le giue you a token to morrow , that shall bee more worth then your demand , if so you please to accept it . Sir , quoth she , it contenteth me well : and so , if please you , at this time wée le part , and to morrow in the euening meete you where you shall appoint . The place was determined , and they kist and parted , shee home , George into Saint Thomas Apostles , to a friend of his , of whom he knew he could take vp a Petticoat of trust : ( the first letter of his name begins with G. ) A Petticoat hee had of him , at the price of fiue shillings ; which money is owing till this day . The next night beeing come , they met at the place appointed , which was a Tauerne ; there they were to suppe : that ended , George was to goe home with her , to end his Yeomans plee in her common case . But Master Peele had another drift in his mazzard : for he did so ply her with wine , that in a small time shee spunne such a thread , that shee reeled homewards , and George he was faine to be her supporter : when to her house she came , with nothing so much painting in the inside , as her face had on the outside ; with much adoe her Maide had her to bed , who was no sooner laid , but shee fell fast asleepe : which when George perceiued , hee sent the Maide for Milke , and a quart of Sacke to make a Posset ; where before her returne , George made so bold as to take vp his owne new Petticoate , a faire Gowne of hers , two gold Kings that lay in the window , and away he went : the Gowne and the gold Kings hee made a chaffer of ; the Petticoate hee gaue to his honest Wife , one of the best deedes he euer did to her . How the Croshabell lookt when she awaked and saw this , I was neuer there to know .

How the Gentleman was gulled for shauing of George .

GEorge had a Daughter of the age of tenne yeeres , a Girle of a pretty forme , but of an excellent wit : all part of her was Father , saue her middle : and she had George so tutored all night , that although himselfe was the Author of it , yet had hee beene transformed into his Daughters shape , he could not haue done it with more conceit . George at that time dwelt at the Banke-side , from whence comes this she-sinnow , early in the morning , with her haire dichenalled , wringing her hands , and making such pittifull moane with shrikes and teares , and beating of her brest , that made the people in a maze : some stood wondring at the Childe ; others plucked her , to know the occasion ; but none could stay her by any meanes , but on shee kept her iourney , crying , O , her Father , her good Father , her deare Father , ouer the Bridge , thorow Cheap-side , and so to the Old Bailey , where the Gentleman soiourned , there sitting her selfe downe , a hundred people gaping vpon her , there she begins to cry out , Woe to that place , that her Father euer saw it : she was a cast-away , her Mother was vndone : till with the noise , one of the Gentlemans men comming downe , looked on her , and knew her to be George Peeles Daughter : hee presently runnes vp , and tels his Master , who commanded his man to bring her vp . The Gentleman was in a cold sweat , fearing that George had for the wrong that he did him the day before , some way vndone himselfe . When the Girle came vp , hee demanded the cause why she so lamented , and called vpon her Father ? George his flesh and blood , after a million of sighs , cryed out vpon him , he had made her Father , her good Father , drowne himselfe . Which words once vttered , shee fell into a counterfeit swoone , whom the Gentleman soone recouered . This newes went to his heart , and he being a man of a very milde condition , cheered vp the Girle , made his men to go buy her new cloathes from top to toe , said he would be a Father to her , gaue her fiue pounds , bid her go home and carry it to her mother , and in the eueneng he would visit her . At this , by little and little she began to be quiet ; desiring him to come and sée her Mother . He tels her , he will not faile , bids her goe home quietly . So downe stayres goes she pearily , and the wondring people that staid at doore , to heare the manner of her griefe , had of her nought but knauish answers , and home went she directly . The Gentleman was so crossed in mind , and disturbed in thought at this vnhappy accident , that his soule could not be in quiet , till he had béene with this wofull widdow , as hee thought , and presently went to Blacke Fryers , tooke a payre of Oares , and went directly to George Peeles house , where hee found his Wife plucking of Larkes , my crying Crocadile turning of the spit , and George pinn'd vp in a blanket , at his translation . The Gentleman , more glad at the vnlookt for life of George , then the losse of his money , tooke part of the good cheere George had to dinner , wondred at the cunning of the Wench , and within some few daies after had an end of his Booke .

How George read a Play-booke to a Gentleman .

THere was a Gentleman , whom GOD had indued with good liuing to maintaine his small wit : hee was not a Foole absolute , although in this world he had good fortune : and hee was in a manner an Ingle to George , one that tooke great delight to haue the first hearing of any worke that George had done , himselfe being a writer , and had a Poeticall inuention of his owne , which when he had with great labour finished , their fatall end was for priuie purposes . This selfe-conceited brocke had George inuited to halfe a score sheetes of paper , whose Christianly pen had writ Finis to the famous Play of the Turkish Mahamet , and Hyrin the faire Greeke , in Italian called a Curtezan ; in Spaine , a Margerite ; in French , vn Curtain ; in England , among the barbarous , a Whore ; but among the Gentle , their vsuall associates , a Puncke : but now the word refined being latest , and the authoritie brought from a Climate as yet vnconquered , the fruitfull Countie of Kent , they call them Croshabell , which is a word but lately vsed , and fitting with their trade , being of a louely and courteous condition . Leauing them : This Fantasticke , whose braine was made of nought but Corke and Spunge , came to the cold lodging of Monsieur Peele , in his blacke Sattin Sute , his Gowne furred with Cony , in his Slippers : being in the euening , he thought to heare Georges booke , and so to returne to his Inne ; ( this not of the wisest , being of Saint Barnards . ) George bids him welcome , told him he would gladly haue his opinion in his booke . He willingly condiscended , and George beginnes to reade , and betweene euery Sceane hee would make pauses , and demand his opinion , how hee liked the carriage of it . Quoth he , wondrous well , the conueyance . O , but ( quoth George ) the end is farre better : ( for hee meant another conueyance e're they two departed . ) George was very tedious in reading , and the night grew old : I protest , quoth the Gentleman , I haue staide ouerlong , I feare me I shall hardly get into mine Inne . If you feare that , quoth George , wee will haue a cleane paire of sheetes , and you shall take a simple lodging here . This house-gull willingly embraced it , and to bed they goe , where George in the midst of the night spying his time , put on this Dormouse his cloathes , desired God to keepe him in good rest , honestly takes leaue of him and the House , to whom hee was indebted foure Nobles . When this Drome awaked , and found himselfe so left , he had not the wit to be angry , but swore scuruily at the misfortune , and said , I thought hee would not haue vsed me so . And although it so pleased the Fates he had another sute to put on , yet he could not get thence , till he had paide the money George ought to the house , which for his credit he did : and when he came to his lodging , in anger he made a Poem of it : Peele is no Poet , but a Gull and Clowne , To take away my cloathes and Gowne : I vow by loue , if I can see him weare it , I le giue him a glyg , and patiently beare it .

How George Peele serued halfe a score Citizens .

GEorge once had inuited halfe a score of his friends to a great Supper , where they were passing merry , no chéere wanting , wine enough , musicke playing : the night growing on , & being vpon departure , they call for a reckoning . George swears there is not a penny for them to pay . They , being men of good fashion , by no meanes will yeeld vnto it , but euery man throwes downe his money , some tenne shillings , some fiue , some more : protesting something they will pay . Well , quoth George , taking vp all the money ; seeing you will be so wilfull , you shall sée what shall follow : he commands the musicke to play , and while they were skipping and dancing , George gets his cloake , sends vp two Pottles of Hypocrist , and leaues them and the reckoning to pay . They wondring at the stay of George , meant to be gone ; but they were staide by the way , and before they went , forced to pay the reckoning anew . This shewed a mind in him , he cared not whom he deceiued , so he profited himselfe for the present .

A Iest of George , riding to Oxford .

THere was some halfe doozen of Citizens , that had oftentimes beene solliciters to George , he being a Master of Art at the Uniuersitie of Oxford , that hee would ride with them to the Commencement , it being at Midsomer . George , willing to pleasure the Gentlemen his friends , rode along with them . When they had rode the better part of the way , they baited at a Uillage called Stoken , fiue miles from Wickham good cheere was bespoken for dinner ; and frolicke was the company , all but George , who could not be in that pleasant vaine that did ordinarily possesse him , by reason he was without mony : but he had not fetcht fortie turnes about the Chamber , before his noddle had entertained a conceit how to money himselfe with credit , and yet gleane it from some one of the company . There was among them one excellent Asse , a fellow that did nothing but friske vp and downe the Chamber , that his money might bee heard chide in his pocket : this fellow had George obserued , and secretly conuay'd his gilt Rapier & Dagger into another Chamber , and there closely hid it : that done , he called vp the Tapster , and vpon his cloake borrowes 5 shillings for an houre or so , till his man came , ( as he could fashion it well enough : ) so much money he had , and then who more merry then George ? Meate was brought vp , they set themselues to dinner , all full of mirth , especially my little foole , who dranke not of the conclusion of their feast : dinner ended , much prattle past , euery man begins to buckle to his furniture : among whom this Hichcock missed his Rapier : at which all the company were in a maze ; he besides his wits ; for he had borrow'd it of a specaill friend of his , and swore he had rather spend twenty Nobles . This is strange , quoth George , it should be gone in this fashion , none being heere but our selues and the fellowes of the house : who were examined , but no Rapier could be heard of : all the company much grieued ; but George in a pittifull chafe , swore it should cost him fortie shillings , but hee would know what was become of it , if Art could doe it : and with that he caused the Oastler to saddle his Nag , for George would ride to a Scholler , a friend of his , that had skill in such matters . O , good M. Peele , quoth the fellow , want no money , heere is forty shillings , see what you can doe , and , if you please , I le ride along with you . Not so , quoth George , taking his fortie shillings , I le ride alone , and be you as merry as you can till my returne . So George left them , and rode directly to Oxford , there he acquaints a friend of his with all the circumstance , who presently tooke Horse , and rode along with him to laugh at the Iest. When they came backe , George tels them he had brought one of the rarest men in England : whom they with much complement bid welcome . He , after a distracted countenance , and strange words , takes this Bulfinch by the wrist , and carried him into the priuy , and there willed him to put in his head , but while he had written his name and told forty : which hee willingly did : that done , the Scholler asked him what he saw ? By my faith Sir , I smelt a villanous sent , but I saw nothing . Then I haue , quoth hee ; and with that directed him where his Rapeir was : saying , It is iust North-East , inclozed in wood , neere the earth : for which they all made diligent search , till George , who hid it vnder a settle , found it , to the comfort of the fellow , the ioy of the company , and the eternall credit of his friend , who was entertained with Wine and Sugar ; and George redeemed his Cloake , rode merrily to Oxford , hauing coyne in his pocket , where this L●ach spares not for any expence , for the good fortune he had in the happy finding of his Rapier .

How George serued his Hostis.

GEorge lying at an old Widdowes house , and had gone so farre on the Score , that his credit would stretch no further : for she had made a vow , not to depart with drinke or victuals without ready money : Which George seeing the fury of his froward Hostis , in griefe kept his Chamber ; called to his Hostis , and told her , she should vnderstand that he was not without money , how poorely soeuer he appeared to her , and that my ●let shall testifie : in the meane time , good Hostis , quoth he , send for such a friend of mine . Shee did : so his friend came : to whom George imparted his mind : the effect whereof was this , to pawne his Cloake , Hose and Doublet , vnknowne to his Hostis : for , quoth George , this seuen nights doe I intend to keepe my bed . ( Truly hee spake : for his intent was , the bed should not keepe him any longer . ) Away goes he to pawne his apparell ; George bespeakes good cheere to supper , which was no shamblebutcher stuffe , but according to the place : for , his Chamber being remote from the house , at the end of the Garden , his apparell being gone , it appeared to him as the Counter , therefore to comfort himselfe , he dealt in Poultrie . His friend brought the money , supped with him : his Hostis hee very liberally payed , but cauelled with her at her vnkindnesse : vowing that while he lay there , none should attend him but his friend . The Hostis replyed , A Gods name , she was well contented with it : so was George too : for none knew better then himselfe what he intended , but in briefe , thus he vsed his kinde Hostis. After his Apparell and Money was gone , hee made bolde with the Featherbed hee lay on , which his friend slily conuey'd away , hauing as villanons a Wolfe in his belly as George , though not altogether so wise ; for that featherbed they deuoured in two daies , feathers and all : which was no sooner digested , but away went the Couerlet , Sheetes , and the Blancket ; and at the last dinner , when Georges good friend perceiuing nothing left but the bed cords , as the Deuill would haue it , straight came in his mind the fashion of a halter ; the foolish kind knaue would needs fetch a quart of sacke for his Friend George ; which Sacke to this day neuer saw Uintuers Cellar : and so he left George in a cold Chamber , a thin shirt , a rauished bed , no comfort left him , but the bare bones of deceased Capons . In this distresse , George be thought him what he might doe ; nothing was left him ; and as his eye wandred vp and downe the empty Chamber , by chance he spied out an old Armour ; at which sight George was the ioyfullest man in Christendome : for the Armour of Achilles , that Vlysses and Aiax stroue for , was not more precious to them , then this to him : for hee presently claps it vpon his backe , the Halbert in his hand , the Moryon on his head , and so gets out the backe way , marches from Shorditch to Clarkenwell , to the no smal wonder of those spectators that beheld him . Being arriued to the wished hauen he would be , an old acquaintance of his furnished him with an old Sute and an old Cloake for his old Armour . How the Hostis looked , when she saw that metamorphosis in her chamber , iudge those Bombortes that liue by tapping , betweene the age of 50 and 3 score .

How he serued a Tapster .

GEorge was making merry with three or foure of his friends in Pye-corner ; where the Tapster of the house was much giuen to Poetrie : for he had ingrossed The Knight of the Sunne , Venus and Adonis , and other Pamphlets which the Stripling had collected together ; and knowing George to be a Poet , he tooke great delight in his company , and out of his bounty would bestow a brace of Cannes of him . George obseruing the humour of the Tapster , meant presently to worke vpon him . What will you say , quoth George to his friends , if out of this spirit of the Cellar , I fetch a good Angell , that shall hid vs all to supper . We would gladly see that , quoth his friends . Content your selfe , quoth George . The Tapster ascends with his two Cannes , deliuers one to Master Peele , and the other to his friends : giues them kind welcome : but George , in stead of giuing him thankes , bids him not to trouble him : and beginnes in these termes : I protest , Gentlemen , I wonder you will vrge me so much ; I sweare I haue it not about me . What is the matter , quoth the Tapster ? Hath any one angered you ? No faith , quoth George , I le tell thee , it is this : There is a friend of ours in Newgate , for nothing but onely the command of the Iustices , and he being now to be released , sends to me to bring him an Angell : now the man I loue dearely well ; and if hee want tenne Angels , he shall haue them : for I know him sure : but heere 's the misery ; either I must goe home , or I must bee forced to pawne this : and pluckes an old Harry groat out of his pocket . The Tapster lookes vpon it : Why , and it please you , Sir , quoth he , this is but a groat . No , Sir , quoth George , I know it is but a groat : but this groat will I not lose for forty pound : for this groat had I of my mother , as a testimony of a Lease of a House I am to possesse after her decease : and it I should lose this groat , I were in a faire case : and either I must pawne this groat , or there the fellow must lye still . Quoth the Tapster , If it please you , I will tend you an Angell on it , and I will assure you it shall bee safe . Wilt thou , quoth George ? as thou art an honest man , locke it vp in thy Chest , and let me haue it whensoeuer I call for it . As I am an honest man , you shall , quoth the Tapster George deliuered him his groat : the Tapster gaue him ten shillings : to the Tauerne goe they with the money , and there merrily spend it . It fell out in a small time after , the Tapster , hauing many of these lurches , fell to decay , and indeede was turned out of seruice , hauing no more coine in the world then this groat ; and in this misery , hee met George , as poore as himselfe . O Sir , quoth the Tapster , you are happily met ; I haue your groat safe , though since I saw you last , I haue bid great extremitie : and I protest , saue that groat , I haue not any one penny in the world ; therefore I pray you Sir , helpe me to my money , and take your pawne . Not for the world , quoth George : thou saist thou hast but that groat in the world : my bargaine was , that thou shouldst keepe that groat vntill I did demand it of thee : I aske thee none : I will doe thee farre more good : because thou art an honest fellow , kéepe thou that groat still , till I call for it : and so doing , the proudest Iacke in England cannot iustifie that thou art not worth a groat , otherwise they might : and so , honest Michael , farewell . So George leaues the poore Tapster picking of his fingers , his head full of proclamations what he might doe : at last sighing , hee ends with this Prouerbe : For the price of a Barrell of Beere , I haue bought a groats worth or wit , Is not that deare .

How George serued a Gentlewoman .

GEorge , vsed often to an Ordnarie in this Towne , where a kinswoman of the good wifes in the house held a great pride and vaine opinion of her owne mother wit : for her tongue was as a Iacke continually wagging : and for she had heard that George was a Scholler , the thought she would finde a time to giue him notice , that shee had as much in her head , as euer was in her Grandfathers : yet in some things she differed from the women in those dayes ; for their naturall complexion was their beauty : now this Titmouse , what she is stanted by nature , she doth replenish by Art : as her boxes of red and white daily can testifie . But to come to George , who arriued at the Ordnary among other Gallants , throwes his Cloake vpon the Table , salutes the Gentlemen , and presently calls for a cup of Canarie . George had a paire of Hose on , that for some offence durst not bee seene in that hue they were first dyed in , but from his first colour , being a youthfull gréene , his long age turned him into a mournfull blacke , and for his antiquitie was in print : which this busie-body perceiuing , thought now to giue it him to the quicke : and drawing neere Master Peele , looking vpon his Bréeches : By my troth , Sir , quoth she , these are exceedingly well printed . At which word George being a little moued in his mind , that his old hose were called in question , answered , And by my faith , Mistris , quoth George , your face is most danmably ill painted . How meane you , Sir , quoth she ? Marry thus , Mistris , quoth George , That if it were not for printing and painting , my arse and your face would grow out of reparations . At which she biting her lIp , in a parat furie went downe the stayres . The Gentlemen laughed at the sudden answer of George , and being seated to dinner : the Gentlemen would needs haue the company of this witty Gentlewoman to dyne with them ; who with little denying came , in hope to cry quittance with George . When she was ascended , the Gentlemen would needs place her by M. Peele ; because they did vse to dart one at another , they thought it méete , for their more safety , they should be placed neerest together . George kindly entertaines her : and being seated , he desires her to reach him the Capon that stood by her , and he would be so bold as to carue for his money : and as she put out her arme to take the Capon , George sitting by her , yerkes me out a huge fart , which made all the company in amaze , one looking vpon the other : yet they knew it came that way . Peace , quoth George , and iogs her on the elbow , I will say it was I. At which all the Company fell into a huge laughter , shee into a fretting fury , vowing neuer she should sleepe quietly , till she was reuenged of George his wrong done unto her : and so in a great chase left their company .

FINIS .