Roome, for a messe of knaues Or, a selection, or a detection, or, a demonstration, or a manifestation. of foure slaues. Or, a conuiction, or a comiction, or, a combination, or a copulation of foure varlets. Or, a reperition, or a repetition. Or, a replication, or a recapitulation. of foure harlets. With a narration or a declaration, a relation or an explication, of a strange (but true) battell, fought in the little Isle (or worlde) of Man.

Roome , FOR A MESSE of Knaues . OR , A Selection , or a Detection , OR , A Demonstration , or a Manifestation . of foure Slaues . OR , A Conuiction , or a Comiction , OR , A Combination , or a Copulation of foure Varlets . OR , A Reperition , or a Repetition . OR , A Replication , or a Recapitulation . of foure Harlets . With a Narration or a Declaration , a Relation or an Explication , of a strange ( but true ) battell , fought in the little Isle ( or Worlde ) of Man .

Ridentem dicere verum quid vetat .

London printed for N. F. and are to be sold at the signe of the Talbot at the West end of Paules . 1610.

To the Reader

HAuing written this course discourse or rather discouery , I bethought my selfe that it would not be amisse , according to the lawdable custome of pamphletters , to Dedicate the same ( how vnpolished soeuer ) vnto some good patron or other , for shelter : when straict it came to my minde that this fashoning of dedicating bookes , and so to place the name of some Grand Signeor , in the forefront of an Epistle , was for all the world , like a Vintner : who at the first setting vp of his Trade , yea and all his life after , hangs vp the glorious spangled Iuey-bush to draw good fellowes to the tasting of his Outlandish Liquors which made me to dislike this fashion of To the Right Honorable , or so , & determined To leaue it to the Printer without ane badge at all ; When sodainly it came againe to my remembrance how difficult a matter it was now in these duble dealing daies to seeme singuler or selfe conceipted in any course , the whold misliking such fellowes no lesse then your Monopolyters , being men almost of the same kinde and condition : and therefore I must needs insanire cum alijs , and dedicated it must be , But to whome ? marry ( quoth I to my selfe ) to some great man at least , ( for it s in vse now to haue great Godfathers ▪ though we be neuer so meane ) &c.

I but ( quoth my selfe ) it may be he will hould it too base S●biac for his Honor to patronize , and vnhappily one or other of his followers neare to him may finde himselfe agreeued &c.

Then ( quoth I Ile to some Doctor ? surely no ( quoth my selfe ) for he in his great wisdome & great learning , may ouer shoote the marke , or thinking it not fitting his grauely or so : may

Why then may it not be , then to some Knight ? oh by no meanes ( quoth I for he peraduenture would take the matter in dudgion to haue a discouery of Knaues offered vnto him , were it but for the Affinity of the names , & peraduenture ( if he were one of those trauailing Ks. that knows more Languages then one ) standing vpon the Etimology of the word , being deriued from the Dutch * * Knact in Duch is a Knaue . Knact would conceiue Iaymed at the Knight also , ( whereunto before God and the Country I plead not guilty ) and in a fume ( especially if he were at his Tabac●o ) would bid me be packing and take my knaues with me , or else ( and then sweares heele ) &c. Put case I offer it to some great Lawyer ( quoth I ) in no case ( quoth my selfe ) for if he should alter the case by misprision , and with a writ of the Case , case or cage you vp in the Counter then you were in a wise Case , were you not ? How lik'st a Phisition then ? ( quoth I ) mary I pray God I may neuer haue neede of them ( quoth my selfe ) Now by Mars i le to some Mounser Capetaino .

Then by V●nus thou art madd ( quoth my selfe ) for the peace being now concluded in the Lowe Countries , he in a malcontent humor ( mistaking thy meaning ) may peanter plaine stabbe thee , or so .

Why then ( quoth I ) what woodst haue me doe ? for sooth gud sir quoth my selfe get you to some rich Cittezen that hath broke off his Trade and so .

Now I see th' art shallow ( quoth I ) for thinkest thou that he which breakes with h●s company and creditors , and so will not breake with thee ?

No , I know a bette way then that : I le alter the case and Gender too , and take a Lady , or some great Gentlewoman that hath a heart as bigg as a Ladyes : Nay that 's as worse ( quoth my selfe ) for ten to one she would rather entertaine one or all thy Knaues , then thy booke of their discouery , and so reward thee with one of their cast liueryes and so .

Now would I were a Saint , if I know to whome then : I am in doubt ( quoth my selfe ) that some one of these 4. Knaues thou writst of , came behinde thee in thy dreaming sleepe and hath clapt thee on the coxcombe and cract thy brainpan : but now I thinke on t , I le helpe thee to 4 C. for thy 4 K. to whome thou maist commend them : viz the Court , the Campe , the Cittie , and the Country : You shot well at Rouers quoth I , but I know an other C worth all your C. I le stand too 't , such a C. she is , that she may be wife to the greatest Earle in Europe : a C , of all C. a tresnoble , command●ng conquering C a couragious kinde C. And where she affecteth not , a full fell furious and fiery foe is shee . God send me from her frowne then quoth my selfe : what Angell deuill ? what Ianus I pray thee mought she be ? mary quoth I the Epitome of hir great name is Signiora Madonna Cogitatione Reina del Microsmo : O quoth my selfe my aude metris , A ken hur so weele sir , A shus a blithe Lasse a gudfeth Sir if she be plezd , And a o fell feend a she froune : a foule eele au hur wezan shas oft gard me to grit Sir .

Well ( quoth I ) if I finde her no worse then I left her I care not : I pray thee Sira where lefst her ( quoth my selfe ) forsooth I left her where they shall finde her that reads on my Booke , except in her Husbands absence she be gon to visit her Neece Venus or stepdame Luna : which I know his Honor will not be well pleasd with when he coms home , but be it as it may , if she be gon abroad I wil stay til her returne , or leaue it intrust with some frtend neere about her .

To the Right Worshipfull , & my especiall good friend , Sir Iohn Lebon , Knight .

SIr : hauing long requested ▪ after a Gentlwoman of good note , one Mistris Cogitations , I was aduisd by an extrauagant fellow ( that Pretended to know much ) to goe to the signe of the parret in lither lane , for there he saide she had a Chamber : thither I went , and found one of that name indeed , to whome I tendred this little remembrance of my good will and seruice : She , ( whose accouterment , countenance , and conditions , was fitly resembled by her Signe , ) had scarse read my Title , but she began to tattle , and after a scornfull and malcontent manner , threw my booke at me , and bade me be packing and take the Knaues with me .

Being thus mistaken , ( and studying what course was best to be taken ) I was ouertaken by a good fellow of my acquaintance ( well knowne to your Worship ) hard by the Rose and Crowne to whome I imparted my minde , and how I sped with mistris Parrat : he laught and said hast thou forgot our two ould acquaintance , good-will , and Il-vill ? why man ( quoth he ) thou shouldst haue asked for mistris good Cogitations : she keeps house in Loue-lane : also she hath a lodging in such a mans house , ( meaning your worships ) by whom thou maist haue accesse to her : Thus thanking my remembrance for his kindnes , I am bould ( Presuming on your worships good acceptance ) to render this small remembrance of my good will , to your good Cogitations : And rest .

The 4. quarters of the day naturall , Gouernd by foure knaues artificiall : viz. A Melancholy knaue , & a Chollericke : A Sanguine knaue , & a Flegmaticke .

THese foure are brothers by the fathers fide , begotten by Sultan Sathan , on foure Succubuses : the first was borne in Heluetia : the second in Tartaria : the third in Slauonia : and the fourth in Barbaria .

THe first ( which is the knaue of Spades ) he was borne when Saturne was in coniunction with the moone : therefore he will proue a melancholy mischieuous knaue , of the nature of the earth , which he claimes for his birth-right ( though he haue no right thereunto : ) this knaue is couetous , enuious , mallicious , and trecherous : of haire thinne , blacke , sooty . Balductus Rimarius ( a late writer ) reports him to be the sonne of a Sexton , preferd to the ends of Court by helpe of the last great sicknesse , An ill winde that blowes no man to profit . and so made a Lawyer : this carries some probabillity : but I am not of his opinion , for he is called the knaue of Spades , because he is alwaies digging , plotting , vndermyning , and forging ( with that clubfooted Cuckolds Iourney-men , Brontes , S●cropes , and Pyracmon ) of some damned Engines of villany . Take heede of this knaue for hee 's a dogged knaue , and will bite before he barke : he hath vnder him 6. subordinate knaues , Lying , Forswearing , Backbiting , Insinuating , and Detracting .

His deuise is , a Waterman , looking one way and rowing another : his Motto is ,

Mel in Ore fel in Corde . Read what is written in the painted cloth , Beware the Mouse , the Magot , & the Moth And euer haue an eye vnto the dore : Trust not a knaue , a drunkard , nor a whore

AT twelue a clocke enters the knaue of Harts , he was borne when Mars was in Coniunction quadrature with the Moone , Iupiter being retrograde . This portends that he will proue a villanous hearty knaue , or a knaue at the heart : he is of complexion sanguin , bloody , hot as fire , as may appeare by his red head : you know Mack bogg foole , an Irish Historiographer , repors tthat he was St , Patricks Lac key , but ( although he be accounted like an Irish Lackey , yet I am not of his opinion : for St. Patricke himselfe ( as more authenticke authors report ) went alwaies afoot , I and bare foot to , for the sinnes of his countrymen : he is giuen by Constellation to be proud , Iealous , lunatick , and sometimes horne-mad : his time is ( though he seldome or neuer keepe time , order , or honest courses ) to set about 6. a clocke in the afternoone , and giues place to as very a knaue as himselfe : his 6. vicegerents are : Vaine-glory , High-mindednes , Arrogancy , self-loue , Masterfulnes , New-fanglenes .

His Deuise , Acteon turned into a Hart , and torne in peeces by his Hounds . his Word is ,

Qualis vita , finis ita . A silken Ciuet saucy knaue , That 's dight in many cullours braue : Who whoods and mews his wife for flying A horne-plague hold him to his dying .

THis third knaue is a Clubbish , black haird , broad backt , cole-rake knaue : yet one that will carry no coales neither : at this knaues natiuity Mars was in coniunction with Venus , in the house of Saturne , when Iupiter was retrograde : therfore I finde by my Astronomical Inspection , that he will proue a mutinous martiall knaue , one that speakes nothing but powder and shot : this Caualeero Snaphance , though he breake vp at midninght , yet if you moue him ( and hee 's quickely moued I can tell you ) then he will be Lord of the Ascendant , though he be not in his owne house : therefore wheresoeuer you meete him let him passe , for he is hot and dry in the third degree , and will passe though it be to his own destruction . This Don Colbrand is well knowne to the Watchmen of London : when he hath finished his quarter , he retires himselfe most commonly ( but sore against his will ) to the Counter , or Newgate , and thete he studies Brookes Cases : til he be called to plead at the Barre , Not Brooke the great . Lawyer , but Brooke the Taylor . and then to his last supper prepared by 12. bones et Legales homines . &c. His six petty Captaines are Oppression , Contempt , Swearing , Frowardnes , Impatience , Desperation .

His deuise , a Brewers Horse got loose , saltant with a broken halter vpon his head pendant . his word ,

Dissolute & resolute . A Mastiffe-dog , will neuer make a Spaniel , An Horsemans saddel is no market Pannel The Deuil is a knaue and euer will be , This knaue like him shal walk alone for me

THe last but not the least , is your Diamond Knaue : this is your onely Knaue ( or a Knaue alone ) that loues to be alone in most of his businesses . This Knaue was borne when Mercurie was in a Trine aspect with Venus in the house of Luna : a flegmaticke false knaue he is that loues to be conuersant in watery places : his variable minde you may knowe by his variable couloured haire of head and beard , more variable in his apparell and countenance , most variable in his lust . This fellow ( for he hath many fellowes in these daies ) predominats from midnight to morning , a night walker he is , and ( as he saith ) is neare of kin to Oberon the king of Fayries , and it should seem● so , for all his exercise is the workes of darknesse : he is a knaue in print , and takes his place with the first that euer studies in the Academy of the seauen liberall sinnes , To be short , he is such a cunning baudy knaue , that I can not with all my skill discouer him sufficiently vnto you , and therefore I will leaue him amongst you , to comment further of him : His six vndertakers are Intemperance , Shamelesnesse , Idlenes , Dissembling , fawning , Lying .

His deuise , An old Ram-goat , stalking vp and downe in a Barne : his Motto ,

Si non caste , tamen caute . Rightly the moone predominats in thee , For thou art all as changeable as shee : Le ts say t is so , this eccho saies t is so . And will say after you if you say no.

Knaues and Queanes draw all in one line Vices goe by couples , Newgate fashion . 1. Little and loud , 2. Long and lazy : 3. Fat and lickrish , 4. Blacke and gasie 5 Sad and suttle , 6. Red and rauing : 7. Pale and peeuish . 8. Old and hauing . A prying eye a lifting eare , a light finger , and a prating tongue Do consort together , as foure parts in a Song .

THere be also foure Queanes of neere alliance to the aforesaid 4. Knaues , which I thought to serue in , instead of Quayles , ( Rayles I might say ) to your second course ( for they are corse I 'le be sworne to you ) but I forbeare them , for if I should put them together there would be foule rule , and I stand doubtfull how you would taxe me , or so : therefore I will first see how you le digest their comrades .

Their names are .

A Bridewell Queane commonly called a Puncke .

A Newgate Queane , commoly called a Doxe .

A Cuckstoole Queane , commonly called a Scowlde .

A Cage Queane commonly called a Bawde .

1. From a Queane of her tongue , 2. And a Queane that 's lasie : 3. From a lickorish Queane , 4. And a Queane that 's gasie , Parce nos Domine . From a filching Queane , 6. And a Queane or her taile , 7. From a mischieuous Queane , 8. And a Queane of sale . Libera nos Domine .

Astronomical il●ections briefely described for admini●●ration of Phisicke and Phlebotomy .

A. Coniunction . B. Opposition . C. a Trine . D. a Quartill . E. a Sextill . F. a Degree .

The mischieuous melancholick , you must let blood or purge in Aries and Taurus .

The cruell chollericke in Taurus and Leo , but if the diseases be not too violent in Pisces .

The filthy flegmaticke in Gemini and Libra .

The insulting sanguin , in Capricornus , Aquarius and Pisces .

NOw as these foure knaues ( by vsurpation ) haue got the gouerment of the day : so by my Extronomicall calculation , I finde also the whole yeare by a Colaterall resignation to fall vnto them . For the Prince of darkenes , Sultan Lucifer , hauing got the Cards into his owne hands ( like a cunning Iugler ) and discarded the foure Kings , viz: Truth , Mercy , Iustice and Temperance , hath foisted in their stead , these foure knaues : who for that they will neuer be idle ( as they wil neuer be well occupied ) haue deuided the twelue Months amongst them : and so interchangeably subdeuided them into weekes , dayes , houres , and minutes , that for my life I cannot tell where to haue them by my figuratiue conspection , but onely by their villanous effects . Somtimes I finde some of them together in a trine aspect , the signe being in Aries and Taurus : some in a Quartile aspect , in Libra and Cancer : then all in a most ominous coniunction ( Inter aquam & ignem ) the Moone being entred the Dragons taile , certaine degrees in Virgo , Libra , and Scorpio , they coclude in an oposition ( with such a terrible combust ) as though an other deluge with domes-day would reduce the world to her olde Chaos

Then hurling by my Ephemerides , Terrible tanqu●●●on tru . in all haste I betooke me to my Prospectiue-glasse , wherein I foresaw , that ( Iupiter being euen then Lord of the Ascendant , & Saturne retrograde ) they are brought Coram nobis , in Capricornus & Aquaries , ( with cap & knee ) with Humilianus , & so conclude by the heeles in Pisces , till the celestiall Dominator Sol appearing in his glory , Dominus Iudex . brings to light their deedes of darknes : and so ( with a writ of Co●pus cum causa ) sends some to needy Newgate ; some to biting Bridewell , some to the costly Counter , and some to the colde Cage .

But ( alack the while here they stay not long , for one claymes kindred of this great personage : another that he and his predecessors doe and haue serued long that great man .

The third sweares he hath spent his blood in his maiesties seruice , and ( if he can neither will nor choose ) will spend it againe .

And the fourth being of a more Aprill desposition , protests like a Pewterane , it 's not the first , nor shall be the last , if they wil pardon this fault . Then altogether with a thousand sorts of lyings , and cryings , for swearings & tearings , wringings and flingings , vowing neuer to doe so againe , that is ( like equiuocating Knaues as they are ) subintellegitur ( with a mentall reseruation ) so heed●esly .

By these and such meanes , with the helpe of their honors letters , v●z . a nonobstant , the knaues creepe out at the back-dore , and finding themselues in statu quo prius , Plus valet sauor in Iudice : qua● lex in C●di●t . they fall to their olde trade againe ; but with more caution : for they will so shuffle themselues amongst other honest Cards , that you shall very hardly perceiue them , but on the white side : so that you shall neuer knowe them till it be vpon the winning of the set , and then will they shew themselues in their kinde , knaues at a dead lift .

NOw hauing discouered these 4. knaues in part , I wil produce ( like iugling Feats , the diuels Iournyman ) the whole packe before you , that is to say , 52 Cards : that at the first sight you would thinke them to be good , honest , plaine Cards , without any Legerdemaine ; yet t is but dec●ptio visus for all that ; but I will fetch them off with a hey passe and repasse , and then you shall see they are all knaues indeed , and all their knauery too , as far as by my Astronomicall speculation and skill , I can display them vnto you .

But first , before you can well vnderstand this mystery of iniquity , you must obserue 4. points most exactly : viz.

1. The Spades be all long , to cut long-waies .

2. The Clubs fall short , to cut broad waies .

3. The Hearts are equall , to cutt both wayes .

4. And the Diamonds haue a principall marke on the left corner , the better to be knowne , yet so as that you shall not easily perceiue them , but by obseruation and dexterity in cutting them .

Well ( if all may be well ) being thus suted , they are Cards for the deuills owne playe on holidayes , and for his dam a●l the weeke after .

You shall finde them somtimes In the Court , like Controlers : In the Campe , like Commaunders : In the Cittie , like Cormorants . In the Country , like Constables . In the Terme time , like Pettifoggers . In the Vacation , like Promoters . In the Visitation , like Sumners . In time of peace , like Iustices of Peace . In Warre , like Captaines or Mustermasters In sicknes , like Phisitions or Surgeons . In health , like orethwart Neighboures . In prosperity , as false freinds . In Aduersitie , as Fell Foes . In profession , are Pharesies . In life , Saducies . In the light Angells . In the Night diuells .

On Sundayes pray with the people , and all the weeke after pray on them .

Yea these two are such Nigromancers , that they can with a trice Metamorfoze themselues into a thousand shapes , and like Ignes Fatu● , with their false light , lead you in the night , out of the way , and in the day ( like Cheating companions ) deceiue you in the way .

To conclude , their conditions like their coat of many cullours , fitting ( like a cheuerel gloue ) euery mans fingers .

These 4 principall knaues ( as you haue heard before ) haue vnder each of their Iudas dictions , 6. subordinat knaues , and those 24. haue each of them one deputy , which makes the whole packe 52. with their Cheiftaines : cum multis alijs Rascalibus , que nunc perscribere longum est .

The names of the other 24. are Inprimis , Ambition , Presumption , Stubbornes , Churlishnes , Bitternes , Maliciousnes , Commotion , Traitery , Striuing , Fighting , Oppression , Vexing , Cursing , swearing , scoffing , Pratling , Vnseemely-iesting , Theeuery , Baudry , Beggery , Atheisme , Hipocrisie , Curiosioty , Vnaduisednes , selfelone .

A Legion of these Packets hath Don Lucifer sealed vp with his priuy seale , and deliuered them to his three Groom porters , Minos , Eccus , Three great Iudges . and Rh●damanth , to be foysted in with other plaine Cards , with twenty thousand bales of false dice ; as high-men and low-men , viz. Gypseys and Iuglers , baudy Constables , and theeuish boyes , &c. Fex populy .

Therefore take heede , you that be ga●esters at these Comi-tragicall sports , least you be cheated of your goods and goodnes , and with the Prodigall be sent to keepe Swine , neuer to returne home ( the premises considered ) but by weeping crosse , or Beggers bush .

Now hauing euacuated my head of these grosse infectious humors , wherof it may seeme to haue bin fully charged : and falling into a browne studie what might become of these Locusts , that like the Grashoppers of Egipt did couer the whole earth : Commaunding Morpheus ( like a theefe in the night ) came stealing behind me before I was aware , and clapt his soft hand vpon my eyes , and I dreamt : And me thought I was ( like Abacuck in the painted cloath ) carried ( not downe to a denn ) but ( vp to a high hill ) inuironed with a deepe riuer : Microcosmo● & beyond the riuer a great champion feeld , in the midst whereof there was a faire Castle in the forme of an Heart .

This Castle was beleagard by two huge Armies : the one on the South-East side , and the other on the No●th-west .

Forthwith I heard two Trumpets summoning a parley : where unto an answer being replyed , ●ogetations . I did behold ( or thought I did behould ) a goodly young Damsell vpon the toppe of the Castle , couered with a white vaile , that I could not see her face : who demaunding the cause of their s●mmons , a dubble reply was made by two Herralds , with my Lord , and my Lord : but the North west Herrald ( whose boystrous bouldnes like blubd-cheekt Boreas bewrayed his meger manners ) cryed in the Slauonian tongue , my Lord Vycioso , base sonne and heire aparant to Sultan Pluto ( sole Emperor of the North , from Babilon to Egipt and so to the further part of Mare Rubrum to Mare Mortuum , Domine factotum . euen from the Sunne set to the Sunne rising ) doth require entrance and friendly entertainment for him and his followers : Who sweares and vowes vnto you ( by his Horror and vpon the word of a Souldier ) all loue and seruice : And to that end ( if you please ) will send his commissioners with authority , to treat with you of a perpetual league , as also of a mariage : and to conclude on Articles and conditions therunto belonging , &c.

All which she hauing heard at large , ( not answering one word ) turned her about to the right side , to heare what th' other would say : who to the same purpose ( though after an other manner ) protested his Lords intire loue and affection : And further putting hir in rememberance of a former alliance and neighbourly commerce held and continued between his Lord Virtuoso , and her deceassed Father , who vpon his death-bed mocioned a contract of mariage betweene them ; which if she would stand vnto , then a large dowry should be ratified vnder his hand and seale to her , and the h●ires of their two bodies for euer . &c.

His Embassie ended , she breefly thus replied : Sir you that spake last I answer , first thus :

I finde not my self inioyned by my deceassed fathers Will , to any such contract vpon a penalty , therefore I hould myselfe free to mine owne will .

But sithens both your Lords professe loue ( as you say ) vnto me , and each offereth very largely , I thanke them both , And that I might know which loueth me best , I will that he that can approue himselfe most Puissant by the others Conquest shall be Lord of me and mine .

This answer returned ( as fast as Imagination could carry them ) away they went to their Lords : who vnderstanding her resolution , though they were both doubtfull of their successe ( for the victory lay partly in her affecting ) yeat resolued notwithstanding on both sides to trye the euent .

Then Lord Virtuoso speedily despacht three Commissioners , Reason , Descretion and good Remembrance to solicit her the second time : And so did Pharo Neco Vitioso : viz. Temptation , Folly and Sensuallity to vse their best deuoir to draw her to their parts .

But Madam Cogitations stoodfully resolued to behold the fight first , and then as she saw occation so she would conclude .

Being out of al hope on either side to obtaine her fauourable aspect , ( which would be very furthersom to the party affected ) they prepare to the Battaile : but the night before Don Vitioso like a craftie knaua knauorum sent his sworne seruant Sinior Sensuallity secretly ( like a spie ) to sow his slippery seede all ouer the Field , that Lord Virtuoso his souldiers should not be able to stand , their ground should be so slippery .

Now this right worthy Lord Virtuoso very early the next morning preparing to Battaile : Thus marched forward with his whole army : himselfe sitting in an Iuory Chatiot richly garnished with Gould , Pearles , & precious stones : there attending on the Chariot foure worthy Knights : viz. Righteousnesse , Prudence , Strength & Temperance : Next to the Chariot Road seuen Captaines .

The first was Humility riding on a Lambe : on his helme a Faulcon gentill stood .

Next him followed Charity riding on a Tiger , who carried a Pellican on his helme .

The third was Patience on a Camell , he had on his Crest a Phenix .

The fourth was Liberality on a Dromedary , and on his Crest an Ospray .

The fift was Abstinence riding on a Hart , on his healme a Popini●y .

The sixt was Chastity , who bestred an Vnicorn , on his crest a Turtledoue was placed .

Good exercise was the seuenth who was mounted on a Panther : and a Crane he had on his Creast .

Many pettie Captaines there were besides , as Pitty , Meeknes , Goodnes , Concord , Vnitye , Patience , Honestie , , true Friendship , Simplicity , Stedfastnes , Quietnes , Peaceablnes , Helpfullnes , Discreetnes , Seruiceablenes , Meserablenes , Orderlines , Iustnes , Contentednes , Sufferance , Foresightfulnes , Contemplation , Reuerence , Curtesie , Indifferencie , Lowlynes , Affection , &c ,

All these were dubd Knights of the holy crosse by their Generall Don Virtuoso :

Don Vicioso also dub'd other 24 Knights , of the Post-haste to animate them two to the conquest of the gilt spurres . Iuanis Ho●●● .

Cunning , also brought to the ayd of Don virtuoso certain companies whose Captains were Nigromancie , Geomancie , Magick , , Adriomancie , Phissiognomy , Palmestry , Ornomancie & Pi●omancy : but Tresnoble Virtue ( scarse thanking him for his offer ) tould him that he neuer vsed ( nor would ) any such companions in the warres .

Whereupon Cunning , with his consorts being thus casherd , went to Don Vicioso , who ( with all respect ) gladly receiuing him and his comrages , and placed them in his rearward .

To be breefe , in hearing on both sides rainged their maine Battalyons : Vicioso Abbadono most couragiously gaue the first onset , discharging his great Ordinance ( which was baststerd Cannons in all his Army ) which the Lord Grace ( who commanded the Vangaurd of the Prince Virtuosos Army ) auoided , by help of a rising hill on the Southeast side , and intrenched on the North east side , well manned and maintained by right puisant Patience and heauenly Humilytie : so that all the shot past ouer their heades without any detriment .

Then they drew nere their enimy scirmiging with th●ir small shot , which the Lord Virtuoso his party manly bore off , with their Targets of proofe not yeelding one foot : Ioyning Battails , they fell to it pell mel , with such fury , that many were slaine , many wounded , and many taken Prisoners on both sides : But the wicked weed that Sensuallity had sowed , made the ground so slippery , that Lord Virtuoso his company could not stand : which Infidellety ( standingon the left side of Madam Cogitacions ) perceiuing , inticed her to leane to Vicioso Apollyon● his party : But true Faith on the right side counselled her to the contrary : but al in vaine , for she not onely fauoured Mounser Gogmagogo Vicioso , but tooke part with him also .

All which , Lord Virtuoso perceiuing , in great discontent left the Feild for that time : and Signior Gracioso commaunded a retreat to be sounded : that hearing Doggodomado Viciosissimo , his Army made a great showte , and cryed follow , follow , for we shall all be Conquerers . But the Lord Grace hauing recouered the intrenched Hill , with Faith and Hope ; maintained the fight till Sunne-set .

Early in the morning by the breake of day , worthy Signior Gracioso ( with a heauenly Oration ) perswaded his followers to a second incounter : which Faith & Hope no sooner heard , but with a fresh courage they led foorth their Vangard , aduancing their Banners in the name of Iesus , and made a second and a suddaine assault ( the enemy being in their Tents ) At the charge whereof , came thrice puisant Perseuerance to their aide , with a mighty Hoast from the Lord Virtuoso : which Signior Gracioso , with Faith & Hope perceiuing , redoubled their courage , and cryed Vertue and Victory .

The Enemy this hearing , in all poast haste trussed vp their trinkets , and in a disorderly order , aswell as they could ( vpon such curtoll warning ) defended themselues : but most worthy Perseuerance perceiuing that , tooke the aduantage , and so wel behaued himselfe that day , that he made his foes to flie before his face : commaunding Constancy with his couragious company , Plectrumaninims . following close after , that it reioyst my heart to see it .

Now Madam Cogitations seeing this , ( vsherd by her olde seruant Goodwill ) secretly stole to hir Castle : Acusation compeling her and meeting Lady Conscience at the Gate ( in great sorrow ) craued hir counsel how she might recouer Lord Virtuoso his fauour . Marry ( quoth Conscience ) you must goe to Humillity and Repentance : Magn● cum 〈◊〉 ●●rore . So disguising hirself , that she might passe the better vnknowne , she met with Contrition , who , with Repentance , brought her the next way to Humilities Tent , which was plac't at the foot of the Hil fast by the intrenchment : whome Humillity seeing a farre off , made haste to meete , and very louingly imbraced and kissed them : Cogitations discouering all her intent , intreated her best aid in her sute to Lord Virtuoso , which he most willingly condiscended vnto , and went with her to the Generals Pauilion , and there with Repentance and Contrition , ( falling downe flat before his Excellency ) confessed her amisse , and most earnestly and heartely craued pardon , which he most louingly graunting , Remorse . lifted her vp , set her on her feet before him , and most friendly communed with her .

In the meane while Perseuerance with Constancy so behaued themselues , that Don Vitioso with al his whole rout , was vndone , and cleane ouerthrowne horse and foote : when ( as the Diuell wood ) in rusheth a mad rogue , one Caualero Desperatio with a Chariot ( for his Lord was so sore wounded that he could not ride ) and speedily conuayed him by a secret way out of the feild .

In this ouerthrow was taken Prisoners , seauen Captaines of note or notorious Captaines , viz. Enuy , Wrath , Couetousnes , Pride , Gluttony , Letchery , Sloth : with a number of the Rascaldry : among the rest were my foure compictious knaues you wot of : who in hope they would change their coppies , and in time mend their manners , were banished the Island : Spadado Mellancollico , with Caine to the land of * * signifieth barking . Nodd bordering on sad Acheron : there to picke a Sallet of Rue , Wormewood , Sorrell , and Colloquintida : Sanguinato cordato , to Mount Etna , bordering on burning Flegiton : there to offer flesh and fuell , to that neuer-ending fire .

Fustifurato Colerato to the Torrida Zona , deuided from the Mount by infectious Stix : there to carbonado his Collops with the Canibals .

And that Flegmatico Diademono , to the land of waste , neere mourning Cocitus , neuer to returne but vpon perpetual paine of the Poxe the Ghonorrhae : with the grand consumption of the lungs and marrow : And all this to stand firme & irreuocable , according to the law of the Medes and Percians . Some were ransommed for others that were taken prisoners by the Enemy : others committed to perpetuall imprisonment : and some ( like Hammon ) were hanged for examples to others .

There were also ordained seauen special Officers for the good gouerment of this noble Isle of Man , Microcosmus . for preuention of future inuasions : viz.

1. Prudence , Lord Channcelor . 2. Temperance Lord Treasurer . 3. Iustice , Earle Marshall . 4. Perseuerance , Leiftenant Generall . 5. Grace Lord Warden of the cinque ports . 6. Reason cheefe Secretary . 7. Memory , M. of Requests and Recorder .

As they were in consultation about the future good of this litle common weale , & election of inferior Officers , I heard one knocke hard and hastely at the Councell-chamberdore . And with that I wak't .

Now concerning Signiorissimo Virtuoso his parly with Madonna Cogitatio : the articles of agreement , the marriage , her relapse , and second reconcilement , with the secret and subtile return of your foure irreligious Sadduces , to foure hypocriticall Pharesies , will require an other discourse , and you shall heare more when our old Post-maister Morpheus returnes , and that I see your strong stomacks do well digest these my homely , but I hope wholesome cates : crauing pardon for what is amisse : and if I may vnderstand what is my error in this , I will mend it in the next : for the plain truth is , I am but one of Dame Reasons sculs , as may appeare by my cookery and cloathing . But yet I haue seene good worke in my daies I cantel you .

To the high & mighty Mounsier Morpheus , brother to Oberon King of Fayries : Cosin ierman to Mercury , Squire of the body to Madam Cogitations : Leiftenant Generall of the cinque ports : & Domine Fac totum of all nocturnall negotiations in the Isle of Man .

THy deuoted suppliant & Micro-cosmographer T. Goodwill : who doth not onely , but also admire thy mightinesse : adore thy virtue , and implore thine Excellence ( O thou Metamorphoser of mindes thou that art a releaser of Captiues , and a Captiuer of the released : a comforter of the comfortles , & a tormenter of tormenters : a Messenger to the good of gladnes , to the bad of sadnes : a iust Iudge twixt high and low , the poore mans wealth and the rich mans woe : a Prophet of the night , to the bad a false , to the good a right : the balme of greefe and the bane of spite ) Thine Excellence I implore , that thou wilt vouchsafe thy poore Goodwill a deepe carowse of thy Nectar , which may infuse a dreaming reuelation into my Piamater , that so I may by way of prophesie foreshew what will follow of these aforesaid foure knaues , exiled for the testimony of a bad conscience : I cannot thinke that they are dead , for they are ingendred of immortal seed but ( they are Metamorphosed into some other shapes , the better to deceiue ) and my spirits are kindled with a driuine fire , & thou must not deny me as thou tendrest the fauour of my good Lady Cogitations , in whose name I charge thee , nay more , I coniure thee ( marke what I say ) with Bell , Booke and Candle , that thou satisfie this my request , least in my furye I turne Renegado , & write a most lewd Ballad against thee , and that to some filthy tune , to thy no small dishonor : but if thine Excellence vouchsafe to answere mine expectation , I vowe ( by the life of Pharo ) to offer vpon thine Alter ; ( viz , a Feather-bed and a Downe-pillowe ) a Heccatomb of verses to be hung vp in thy Temple ( viz. A sweete Chamber without fleas , in memoriall of thy perpetuall prayses : and when I awake , I 'le wash my braines in Madera , and sing Madrigals in praise of thy person and power .

HAuing fraught this my little Fleeboat , with such marchandise as I could meete with in the Isle , I found a prosperous wind in the East-south-East , which made meset sail , directing my conrse to the cape Bona Speranza , whichafter a few daies I had ( a far off ) discouered , but before I could recouer the point , I was chekt with a northerly winde , which perforce draue me vpon the coast of the Canaries , I le of Dogs . where comming to an anchor , I was boarded by a couple of copesmates ( called Zoilus and Momus ) that haue Authority there to search strangers : who dealt strangely with me indeed : but it was my pride to be pryed into by them , being forewarnd by many worthy men ( whose card and compas I am not worthy to catty after them ) of their paltry dealing .

A second sort that assaulted me , was a cock-boat laden with Coxecombes , that being not able to apprehend , would reprehend : whome after I had ( with a volly of small shot , well pelted , I pardoned : for alas they did they knew not what .

The third sort were a rapsedy of Raskals , that would frowne or fauor as they sawe others affected : these detracting knaues would come off with their buts , ifs and ands , but and if I liue ( I will threaten nobody ) but I know what I will doe .

The last were a company of the last edition , that tooke occasion to poue a confiscation of my Ship and goods , producing against me such a chapter , such a verse , against my commodities of prophane iesting : &c. Assyrians . &c. These Martinists like Salomons fooles , Pro: 26. c , & Esay . 5. they would faine be singuler , and single they are , and so I left them .

For Contempt and scorne are wits infirmitie . Wherewith disdaine and scoffes keepes company . Non mare transisset , pauidus si nauta fuisset . FJNIS .