Democritus, or Doctor Merry-man his medicines, against melancholy humors. Written by S.R.

DEMOCRITUS , OR Doctor Merry-man his Medicines , against Melancholy humors .

Written by S. R.

Printed for Iohn Deane , and are to be sold at his shop at Temple-barre , vnder the gate .

Honest Gentle-men . SOme ancient Seniors , that experienc't be Of famous Doctors , do applaud these three : First , Doctor Dyet , a right sober man , That nere disorderd courses ran : But keepes such rules as nature holdeth good , For to preuent corruption of the bloud . He is no glutton , with the filthy swine , Nor drownes his wits , as drunkards do with Wine : But by his temperate carriage liueth long , Keeping an able body , sound , and stronge . Next Doctor Quiet , of a modest life , That alwayes doth auoyde contentious strife , He enters not into the swagg'ring fits , With those whom rage depriueth of their wits . For euery light occasion to contend , Not caring whom it bee ( with foe or friend ) To vexe himselfe , in fretfull furyes rage , For all these passions he can well aswage : Whereby he keepes himselfe in perfect health , Esteeming more of that , then Cressus wealth . The third is Doctor Merry-man : whose dyet Doth keepe himselfe , and all his friends in quiet , With disposition of a pleasant sort , And men of wit will vnto him resort : To driue away dull melancholy mind , Which to a madding frenzy is inclynd : This Doctor , honest recreation vseth , And such iests as are here , he often chuseth : Not to offend , but like Democritus That laugh't at th' Athenians , he doth thus ; He makes but merry with some shallow braynes , And smyles at many in their knauish vaines : And if that any discontenment grow , T is not his fault , but theirs that take it so .

Flatteries Fawne . I Le speake thee faire , and make a louing shew , That thou the thing I wish for mayst bestow ; I le giue thee hony words , with pleasing smyle , But it shall onely last a good turne while : I le go with thee on foot , I le run , I le ride , To haue like done , and ten times more beside : I le giue thee gifts , on warrant of this ground , For euery shilling to receiue a pound . What I enioy , commaund it as a friend , But let me borrow better then I lend . Your owne to vse , I euer will remaine , So I may vse , and ouer-vse againe . This is the substance of my kindnesse meant , How ere I seeme , this is my harts intent , And in this humour I will euer be To please the world , that it may profit me .

Doctor Merry-man .

HYppocrisie was kind , and vs'd me well , So long as I had any land to sell : Many a ( God saue you louing sir ) I had , For your good health I am exceeding glad . What is the cause you are a stranger growne ? The meate doth me no good I eate alone Without your company , pray let me haue it , Of all the kindnesse in the world I craue it . When will you ride ? My Gelding 's yours to vse , The choysest Chamber that I haue , come chuse , And lodge with me , commaund what ere is mine , Shall we two part without a quart of Wine ? That were a wonder , giue it sure I will , Your presence glads me , I do wish it still . This vsage I had daylie at his hand , Till he had got an intrest in my land : And then I try'd his welcomes in my want To be , Sir I assure you Coyne is scant . I would do somewhat for acquaintance sake , If you some good security could make : But sure to wast my wealth I know not how , Were folly , what you haue bin , is not now . I wish you were the man I knew you late , Faith I am sory y' are in this estare : You should haue thought vpon this thing before , Patience is all , and I can say no more . My busines now doth hasten me away , I would faine drinke with you , but cannot stay ; Vrgent occasions force me , take my leaue , I wish you well , and so I pray conceiue .

A Cittizen for recreation sake , To see the Countrey would a iourny take . Some dozen Mile , or very little more , Taking his leaue with friends , two months before : With drinking health's , and shaking by the hand , As he had trauail'd to some new found land . Well , taking Horse with very much a doe , London he leaueth for a day or two ; And as he rideth , meetes vpon the way Such , as ( what hast soeuer ) bid men stay : Sirrah sayes one , stand , and your purse deliuer ; I am a taker , thou must be giuer : Vnto a wood hard by , they hale him in , And rifle him vnto his very skinne : Maysters ( quoth he ) pray heare me ere you go , For you haue rob'd more now then you do know . My horse ( in troth ) I borrow'd of my brother , The bridle and the Saddle of another : The Ierkin and the bases be a Taylours , The Scarfe ( I do assure you ) is a Saylours : The falling band is likewise none of mine , Nor Cuffes , as true as this good light doth shine ; The Sattin Doublet and rays'd ▪ Veluet hose , Are our Church-wardens ( all the parish knowes , ) The boots are Iohn the Grocers at the Swan , The Spurs were lent me by a Seruing-man : One of my Rings ( that with the great red stone ) Insooth I borrowed of my Gossip Ione ; Her Husband knowes not of it . Gentlemen Thus stands my case , I pray shew fauour then . Why ( quoth the Theeues ) thou needst not greatly care , Since in thy losse so many beare a share : The world goes hard , many good-fellowes lacke , Looke not at this time for a penny backe ; Go tell at London , thou didst meete with foure , That rifling thee , haue rob'd at least a score .

A A Mony-monger choyse of sureties had , A Countrey-fellow , plaine in russet clad : His dowbled Mutton-taffaty , Sheepes skins , His sleeues at hand button'd with two good pins . Vpon his head a filthy greazy hat That had a hole ( eate thorow by some Rat ) A leather pouch , that with a Snap-haunce shut , Two hundred Hob-nayles in his shooes were put : The stockings that his clownish Legs did fit , Were Kersie to the calfe , and t'other knit : And at a word th' apparell that he wore , Was not worth twelue-pence , sold At who giues more ? The other surety of another stuffe , All Silke and Veluet , in his double Ruffe : Made Lawne and Cambricke , both such common ware , His double set , had falling band to spare . His fashion new , with last edition stood , His Rapier hilts embrew'd in golden bloud : And these same trappings made him seeme one sound , To passe his credit for a hundred pound : So was excepted , Russet coat denay'd , But when time came the mony should be pay'd , And ( Mounsieur Vsurer ) did haunt him out , Strange alteration strooke his hart in doubt : For in the Counter he was gone to dwell , And Brokers had his painted cloaths to sell ; The Vsurer then further vnderstands , The Clowne refus'd , was rich , and had good lands ; Ready through rage to hang himselfe , he swore , That Sylken knaues should cozen him no more .

A Wealthy Misers Sonne , vpon the way Met a poore youth , that did entreat and pray Something of charity in his distresse , Help sir ( quoth he ) one that is fatherlesse : Sirrah ( sayde he ) away : be gone with speede , I le help none such ; thou art a Knaue indeed . Dost thou complayne because thou want'st a father , Were it my case I would reioyce the rather , For if thy Fathers death , cause the repine , I would my Father had excused thine .

ENuy betwixt two friends , a breach did make , And th' one of t'other very hardly spake : Rayling vpon him , with vntruths and lyes , And all the slaunders that he could deuise . Th' other , that no good conceit did lacke , Gaue him all gratious words behind his backe , Commending him for a kind honest man , With as much prayse , as for his life he can : One that heard this , told him it seemed strange , That for bad words , so good he did exchange ; But he reply'd , Sir we both lyers be , I do but slander him , as he doth me .

A Country fellow had a dreame Which did his minde amaze , That starting vp , he wakes his wife , And thus to her he saies : Oh woman rise , and help our Goose , For euen the best we haue , Is presently at poynt to dye , Vnlesse her life you saue ; On eyther side of her I see A hungry Foxe doth sit , But staying , vpon curtesie Who shall begin first bit . Husband ( quoth she ) if this be all I can your dreame expound , The perfect meaning of the same I instantly haue found : The Goose betweene two Foxes plac't Which in your sleepe you saw , Is you your selfe , that prooue a Goose , In going still to law . On eyther side a Lawyer comes And they do feathers pull , That in the end you will be left A bare and naked Gull : Wife in good troth ( quoth he ) I thinke Thou art iust in the right , My purse can witnesse to my griefe They do begin to bite ; I do resolue another course , And much commend thy wit , I le leaue the Gooses part for them That haue a mind to it : And if thou euer find that I To lawing humors fall , Let me be hang'd at Westminster , ( Wife ) I le for-sweare the Hall .

AN idle fellow that would take no paine , Looking that others should his state maintaine , Was sharp reproou'd by an honest friend , Who told him man was made to other end , Then onely eate , and drinke , and sleepe , and play ; To whom the lazy creature thus did say , ( Sir ) I do nere intend to labour much , Because I see the bad reward of such As take most paines , Horses that labour great Are cast in ditches for the dogges to eate .

A Crafty kind of knauish foole , Whereof there plenty be , Did breake his Mistris looking-Glasse And swore it was not he : His Mayster did examine him , Demaunding who it was , ( Sir ) if you le be content ( quoth he ) I le tell who broke the Glasse . With that , he brought him in the Hall , To Fortunes picture there , Say'ng Sir , t was Fortune did the deed , She ought the blame to beare . His Mayster tooke a Cudgell And belabour'd him withall , Who crying out for mercy , downe Before his feete did fall : Nay ( quoth his Mayster ) t is not I , To Fortune you must speake , For euen she that cudgels you , The Glasse before did breake .

A Sort of Clownes for losse which they sustayn'd By Souldiours , to the Captaine sore complayn'd , With dolefull words , and very wofull faces , They mou'd him to compassionate their cases . Good Sir , ( sayes one ) I pray redresse our wronge , They that haue done it , vnto you belong , Of all that ere we had we are bereft , Except our very shirts , nothing is left . The Captaine answer'd thus , fellowes heare me ▪ My Souldiers rob'd you not , I plainely see . At your first speach you made me some what sad , But your last words resolue the doubt I had ; For they which rifled you , left shirts you say , And I am sure mine carry all away : By this I know , an error you are in , My Souldiers would haue left you but your skin .

ONe dying , left three sonnes Whom he aduise did giue , Of what profession to make choyce , Whereby they best might liue . Vnto the first he said , Law , will be good for thee , I know as long as there be men , Some wranglers stil will be . The second he did wish A Chanons life to chuse , For when as others weepe and mourne , Why thou shalt singing vse . And to the third he said : Physicke for thee is fit , For earth will smother all the faults Physitians do commit .

AN old stale Widdower , quite past the best , That had nothing about him in request , Saue onely that he carryed in his purse , Would haue a tender Wench to be his Nurse . His sight was dim , his teeth were rotted out , His hands had palzy , and his legges the Gout : Yet he would Wench it with a daynty Mayde , Whose beauties pride in all the parish swayde ; And had her equall hardly to be seene , A tender young one , much about fifteene : This gallant to her did a Sutor goe , With much adoe , his legs did plague him so : Yet with his staffe a pretty shift he made , To told her Cupid had the villaine playd With his poore hart , t' was wounded for hir sake , And she must needs the healing plaister make . She Mayde beheld him with a lothing eye , And for his quicke dispatch , made quicke reply : And Sir ( quoth she ) your suite in loue withdraw , You shall not thatch my new house , with old straw .

A Gentleman , a curious building fram'd , A house like those that are from Founders nam'd : The workemen had enlarg'd their Art thereon , Composing it , a curious heape of stone . Being perfect finished as 't ought to be , The Founder brought his friend , the same to see ; Demaunding how he lik't that house of his , Why well ( quoth he ) onely one fault amisse , And that me-thinkes disgraceth all the rest , Your Kitchin is to little I protest . Oh ( Sir quoth he ) in that you do mistake , A reason for the same I will you make : Of purpose I contriu'd the Kitchin small , To haue my house the bigger therewithall .

A Barber and a Mower did contend , With much adoe before their strife could end : About the Priuiledge that each did clayme , And thus the Barbar did his reasons frame . Sir , I am head of all the trades that be , For Kings must sit bare-headed vnto me ; The greatest Monarch that on earth we finde Puts off to me : Mower , you come behinde ? T'other reply'd , Barber , in vaine you iarre , I haue a priuiledge exceeds you farre , For when by me , the Grasse with sieth is shorne , Or that my Sickle cutteth downe the corne , Vpon the stumps I boldly can vntrusse : What Barber on his work , that dare do thus ?

AN humorons phantasticke Asse , Whose wit and wealth were spent , Did in all companies he came Boast of his great discent . And all the Gentlemen he knew , Vnto his bloud were base : For he could prooue from Noyes great floud , His stocke of royall race . Pray Sir ( quoth one ) take no more paines In this same worthy thing ; For it is most apparant plaine , From what old house you spring . You may iust proue your pedegree From Noah to this houre : Your Ancestors good Masons were , That wrought on Bable Tower . And were I as your worship is , In spight of Bricklers hall , I would giue Trowell in mine armes , A Ladder , Tray , and all .

A Quack-saluers Humour . GEntlemen that approch about my stall , To most rare Physicke I inuite you all : Come neare and harken what I haue to sell , And deale with me all those that are not well . In this boxe here , I haue such precious stuffe , To giue it prayse , I haue not words inough : If any humor in your braynes be crept , I le fetch it out , as if your heads were swept . Almost through Europe I haue showne my face , In euery towne , and euery Market place ; Behold this Salue , I do not vse to lye , Whole Hospitals , there haue bin cured thereby ? I doe not stand here like a totter'd slaue , My Veluet and my Chayne of Gold I haue : Which cannot be maintayned by mens lookes , Friends , all your towne is hardly worth my bookes . There stands my Coach and Horses , t' is mine owne , From hence to Turky is my credit knowne : In few I cannot boast as many will ; Let nothing speake for me but onely skill . See you that thing , like Ginger-bread lies there ? My tongue cannot expresse to any eare The sundry vertues that it doth containe , Or number halfe the Wormes that it hath slayne . If in your bellies there be Crawlers bred , In multitudes , like haires vpon your head : Within some houre space , or there about , At all the holes you haue , I le fetch them out , And ferret them before that I haue done , Euen like the Hare that forth a bush doth run . Here is a wond'rous water for the eye , This for the stomacke : Maisters will you buy ? When I am gone , you will repent to late , And then like fooles among your selues will prate . Oh that we had that famous man againe , When I shall be supply'd in France or Spaine : Now for a Stoter , you a boxe may haue , That will the liues of halfe a dozen saue . My man is come , and in myne eare he sayes , At home for me , at least a hundred stayes . All Gentle-men , yet for your good you see , I make them tarry and attend for me : If that you haue no Mony , let me know ; Phisicke of almes , vpon you I le bestow . What Doctor in the world can offer more ? Such arant Clownes I neuer knew before : Here you do stand like Owles and gaze on me , But not a penny from you I can see . A man shall come to doe such Dunces good , And cannot haue his meaning vnderstood ; To talke to sencelesse people is in vaine , I le see you hang'd ere I come heere againe . Be all diseas'd , as bad as Horses be , And dye in ditches like to Dogs for me : An old wiues Medicine , Parsely , Timbe , and Sage , Will serue such buzzards in this scuruy age , Goose-grease and Fennell , with a few Dog-dates , Is excellent for such base lowzy Mates : Farewell , some Hempen haulter be the charme , To stretch your necks as long as is myne arme .

Doctor Merry-man .

ONe came to court a Wench which was presize , And by the spirit did the flesh dispise , Mouing a secret match betweene them two But she insooth and sadnesse would not do . He did reply , so sweete a faire as she , Made of the stuffe as all frayle women be ; Ought by the law of Nature to be kind , And shew her selfe to beare a womans mind : Well Sir ( quoth she ) you men do much preuaile With cunning speeches and a pleasing tale . T is but a folly to be ouer-nice , You shall : but twenty shillings is my price : A brace of Angels if you will bestow , Come such a time , and I am for you , so . Well , he tooke leaue , and with her husband met , Told him by bond he was to pay a debt : Intreating him to do so good a deede , As lend him twenty shilling at his neede . Which very kind he present did extend , And t'other willing on his wife did spend : So taking leaue with her , he goes his waies , Meeting his Creditor within few dayes , And told him , Sir I was at home to pay The twenty shillings which you lent last day : And with your wife , ( because you were not there ) I left it , pray you with my boldnesse beare . T is well ( quoth he ) I 'm glad I did you pleasure , So comming home , questions his wife at leasure : I pray sweet hart , was such a man with thee , To pay two Angels , which he had of me . She blush't and sayd , he hath beene here indeede , But you did ill to lend , Husband take heede ; The falshood of the world you do not spy , It is not good to trust before we try : Pray lend no more , for it may breede much strife , To haue such knaues come home to pay your wife .

A Crew of Foxes all on theeuing set , Together at a Country Hen-roost met : Where the poore Poultry went to grieuous wrack , For there they feasted till their guts did cracke . Hauing well sup't , ready to go away , Without demaunding what they had to pay ; Sayes one vnto the rest : friends harke to me , Le ts point where our next meeting place shall be . With a good-will sayes one aboue the rest , At such a Farmers house , his Lambes be best : Nay ( quoth another ) I do know a Clowne Hath euen the fattest Geese in all the Towne : Well Maysters , said a graue and ancient Foxe , Had bin the death of many Hens and Cox . The surest place to meete , that I can tell , Will be the Skinners shop , and so farewell .

A Shepheard that a carefull eye did keepe , Vnto the safety of his grazing sheepe : Perceiu'd a Wolfe through the hedge to pry : Sirrah ( quoth he ) pray , what make you so nye ? Why ( sayde the Wolfe ) thou see'st I do no ill , Thy flockes are far enough vpon the hill . What Iustice now a dayes these people lackes ? The Crowes ride boldly on thy cattels backs : And not a word thou sayst to them at all , Yet but for looking on , with me do'st braule . The Prouerb 's true , for now I find it well , Which once I heard an ancient old Wolfe tell : He that vpon a bad ill name doth light , Is euen halfe hang'd , as good be hang'd out-right : And I my selfe by proofe can now alledge , Some better steale , then some looke ore the hedge .

THe Deuill did complaine he was not well , And would goe take some Phisicke out of hell : To England , France , & Spaine : with speed he got , Where all refused him , he did burne so hot . In hast he then to Germany did hye , The cunning of a Quack-saluer to try ; Where in a Market-place , vpon a Stage , He found a fellow , could all griefes asswage . Doctor ( quoth he ) I want some of thy skill , For I do find I am exceeding ill : And any thing for ease I will endure ; What , wilt thou vndertake my paine to cure ? If thou canst ease the Mallady I haue , Thou shalt haue Gold , euen what thy selfe wilt craue . Gentleman ( said this Doctor to the Deuill , ) Vpon my life I le rid you of your euill ; Make vnto me those griefes you haue but knowne , And with the curing them let me alone . Why Sir ( quoth he ) my head with hornes doth ake , My braines doth brimstone like Tobacco take ; Mine eyes are full of euer-burning fire , My tongue a drop of water doth desire , About my hart do crawling Serpents creepe , And I can neither eate , nor drinke , nor sleepe ; Ther 's no diseases whatsoere they be , But I haue all of them impos'd on me . All torments that the tongue of man can name , Within , without , in a continuall flame . Quoth the Quack-saluer , Sir I le vndertake , A sound man of you in a month to make : Wilt please your worship , shew me where you dwell , Marry ( quoth he ) my Chamber is in hell : Thy charges in the iourney I will beare , And I le preferre thee to the Deuill there . With speede get vp , I le take thee on my backe , The world may spare you , and in hell we lacke .

A Byshop met two Priests vpon the way , And did salute them with the time of day : Goodmorrow Clarkes , vnto you both ( quoth he ) Sir ( they reply'd ) no Clarkes , but Priests are we . Why said the Byshop , then I will consent , Vnto the title of your owne content : Since you deny to carry Scholers markes , Goodmorrow to you Priests ( that are no Clarks . )

ONe clymbing of a tree , by hap Fell downe and brake his arme , And did complaine vnto a friend Of his vnlucky harme . Would I had counsel'd you before ( Quoth he ) to whom he spake , I know a tricke for Clymbers , That they neuer hurt shall take : Neighbour ( said he ) I haue a Sonne , And he doth vse to clymbe , Pray let me know that same for him Agaynst another time . Why thus ( quoth he ) let any man That liues , clymbe nere so hye : And make no more hast downe then vp , No harme can come thereby .

AN aged Gentleman , sore sicke did lye , Expecting life , that could not chuse but dye , His foole came to him and intreateth thus , Good Mayster ere you goe away from vs Bestow on Iacke ( that oft hath made you laugh ) Against he waxeth old , your walking staffe . I will ( quoth he ) go take it , there it is , But on condition Iacke which shall be this , If thou do meete with any while thou liue , More foole then thou , the staffe thou shalt him giue : Mayster ( said he ) vpon my life I will , But I do hope that I shall keepe it stil. When Death drew neare , and faintnesse did proceed , His Maister cals for a Diuine with speede , For to prepare him vnto heauens way , The Foole starts vp , and hastily did say : Oh Maister , Mayster , take your staffe againe , That prooue your selfe the most foole of vs twaine . Haue you liu'd now , some fourescore yeares and odde , And all this time are vnprepar'd for God ? What greater foole can any meete withall ? Then one that 's ready in the graue to fall . And is to seeke about his soules estate , When Death is op'ning of the pryso n-gate . Beare witnesse friends , that I discharge me plaine : Here Mayster , here , receiue your staffe againe : Vpon the same condition I did take it , According as you wil'd me , I forsake it . And ouer and aboue , I will bestow , This Epitaph , which shall your follie shew . Heere lies a man , at death did heauen clayme , But in his life he neuer sought the same .

A Simple Clowne in Flanders , As he trauelling had bin : ( Hauing his wife in company ) Came late vnto his Inne . A Spanish Souldier being there A Guest vnto the place : No sooner saw , but lik't his wife , ( She had a comely face . ) And watch't when they were gone to bed , Then boldly in comes he , And neuer said friends by your leaue , But made their number three . The Clowne lay still and felt a stirre , Yet durst not speake for 's life ; At length his patience was so mou'd , He softly iogg'd his Wife . And said to her , prethee intreate The Spaniard to be still , Can I speake Sanish man , ( quoth she ) You know I haue no skill ? But Husband if you please to rise And for the Sexton goe : He vnderstandeth Spanish well , Assuredly I know . Faith and I le fetch him straight ( quoth he ) And so the Rusticke rose , And softly sneaking out of doores , About his message goes . Meane while ( imagine what you will ) To me it is vnknowne : But ere her Husband came againe , The Spaniard he was gone : Which when the simple Foole perceiu'd , He fell to domineere ; Oh wife ( said he ) for twenty pound I would I had him here . Tell me sweet hart , when I was gone , How long the Knaue did stay : Quoth she ) you scarce were out of doores Before he ran away . Wife ( saide the Clowne ) thou mak'st me laugh That I did scare him thus , Come let vs take a little nap for his disturbing vs . You see what comes of pollicy and good discretion wife : if I had beene a hastie foole , ● might haue cost my life .

A Courtezans Humour . I Am a Profest a Courtezan , That liue by peoples sinne : With halfe a dozen Punkes I keepe , I haue great comming in . Such store of Traders haunt my house To find a lusty Wench , That twenty gallants in a weeke Do entertaine the French ; Your Courtier , and your Cittizen , Your very rustique Clowne , Will spend an Angell on the poxe , Euen ready Mony downe . I striue to liue most Lady-like , And scorne those foolish Queanes , That do not rattle in their Silkes , and yet haue able meanes . I haue my Coach , as if I were A Countesse , I protest I haue my dainty musicke playes When I would take my rest . I haue my Seruing-men that waite Vpon me in blew Coates , I haue my Oares that attend My pleasure with their Boats . I haue my Champions that will fight , My Louers that doe fawne , I haue my Hat , my Hood , my Maske , My Fan , my Cobweb Lawne : To giue my Gloue vnto a Gull , Is mighty fauour found : When for the wearing of the same , It costs him twenty pound . My Garter as a gratious thing , Another takes away : And for the same a silken gowne The Prodigall doth pay . Then comes an Asse , and he forsooth Is in such longing heate , My buske point euen on his knees , With teares he doth entreat . I grant it , to reioyce the man , And then request a thing ; Which is both Gold and pretious stone , The Wood-cockes Diamond Ring . Another lowly minded youth , Forsooth my shooe-string craues , And that he putteth through his eare , Calling the rest base slaues . Thus fit I Fooles in humours still , That come to me for game , I punish them for Venery , Leauing their purses lame . In New-gate some take lodgings vp , Till they to Tiburne ride , And others walke to Wood-street , With a Sargeant by their side . Some go to Houns-ditch with their cloaths To pawne for Mony lending : And some I send to Surgeons shops , Because they lacke some mending . Others passe ragged vp and downe ; All totter'd , rent , and torne , But being in that scuruy case , Their companies I scorne . For if they come and fawne on me , Ther 's nothing to be got ; As soone as ere my Merchants breake , I sweare , I know them not . No entertainement , nor a looke That they shall get of me ? If once I do begin perceiue , That out of cash they be : All kindnesses that I professe , The fayrest shewes I make , Is loue to all that come to me For Gold and Siluers sake . To forward men , I forward am , Most franke vnto the free , But such as take their ware on trust , Are not to deale with me . The world is hard , all things are deere : Good-fellowship decayes , And euery one seekes profit now , In these same hungry dayes . Although my trade in secret be Vnlawfull to be knowne , Yet I will make the best I can , Of that which is mine owne . For seeing I do venture faire , At price of whipping cheere , I haue no reason but to make My Customers pay deere : Our charge beside is very great To keepe vs fine and braue , A Whoore that goes not gallantly , Shal little doings haue . Therefore all things consider'd well Our charges and our danger ; A dayly fryend shall pay as much As any Tearme-time stranger .

Doctor Merry-man .

A Rich man and a poore did both appeare Before a Iudge , an iniury to cleere : The Rich did tell a tale most tedious long , Mending as he suppos'd with words the wrong . And euer when the poore man would haue spoke , With bold out-facing speech hee did him choke . The woefull wight at length could heare no longer , But boldly rays'd his voyce both loud and stronger ; My Lord ( quoth he ) pray now bid Diues stay , And heare but what poore Lazarus can say : My Oxe came in his field , which he doth keepe , And sweares for that , hee 'l pay me with a Sheepe .

TWo Beggers did encounter on the way , That had not seene each other many a day : Nor met together at the hedge ( Rogues hall ) As perfect lowzy , as they both could crawle . Each had a hat , and Night-cap for the cold , And Cloakes with patches , full as they might hold ; Great Satchell scrips , that shut with leather flaps , And each a Dogge to eate his Maysters scraps . Theyr shooes were Hob-naile proofe , soundly bepegg'd , Wrap't well with clouts , to keepe them warmer legg'd : Sayes one to to'ther , come , hange care , le ts drinke , Our trade is better then a number thinke : For I , my wife , and Iacke , ply vp and downe To make our ery day , worth halfe a Crowne . Most townes in Flanders , I haue learn'd to name , And am a poore distressed Souldier lame . And sometimes I their charityes desire , Like one hath lost all that he had by fire : Fire ( quoth t'other ) come along mad knaue , Le ts go where we some watering place may haue . Wher 's the best Beere to giue a man content ? I haue a penny that was neuer spent . And twenty slaues , I Gentlemen did name , Before I could be mayster of the same : To many an Asse I do the worship giue , With Lord preserue your goodnesse while you liue : Now Iesus prosper you by Sea and Land , And blesse you Maister , all you take in hand . God keepe your limbs , and Lord increase your store , I eate no bread to day , ( but dranke the more . ) For Christ his sake , make this same vp a penny , Thus do I angle Siluer out of many ; I , when I haue it for my speaking faire , If he were hang'd that gaue it , I neare care . The other Begger laugh't , and did reply , Roger , of that same humour right am I. I can affourd good speech as well as thou , And vnto any knaue such words alow ; I will not want that till my tongue do frayle , But preethee come , let vs go find this Ale . I am as dry , as euer was March-dust , And here s a groat I meane to spend it iust : Well sayd old Tom ( sayes tother ) if thou do , My groat shall go , and my Tobacco too . Although a Beggers creadit be not great , We will be Gentlemen in our conceit : I thinke my selfe as good a man each way , As he that goes in Veluet er'y day . Wee le spend a Crowne , and drinke carowses round , Before some Churles are worth ten thousand pound : Ther 's nothing but a payre of stocks we feare , I le bring thee to a cup of tickling geare .

FINIS .