NOW fie vpon seeking honest men in knaues Skins : I am euen as wearie as euer was PLATOES Dog . Not a Stréete Lane , or Alley in all the Cittie of Athens , but I haue trode it , and cannot méete a man worthy the giuing of the good morrow too : Why ? What Rascalls be these ? Haue they banisht honest men out of the towne puite ? Alas poore Vertue , What hast thou done to deserue this contempt ? base is thy attire , as ●hridbare in thy Apparel as my Gowne : thy Company out of request , for thou hast walked so long alone : that thou art euen walked away with thy selfe : ther 's no goodnes to bée found , All 's set vpon villany . Younder walkes Briberie , taken for an honest substanciall graue Cittyzen , I marie is he , pray , make him one of your common Counsell .

There goes Crueltie and Extortion , put off your Hattes all to him : t is well done , he is one of the principall and best in the Parish , he hath borne all offices and neuer did good : a most abhominable rich fellow , But how the Diuel came he by his wealth ? Widdowes , Widowes , thrée or fower olde rusty Golde begetting Widowes haue crown'd him with their wealthes , and that wicked Mamnion is déerer v●●● him then his owne soule : Nay , if he had Fiue Thousand Soules , hée would sell them all for fiue thousand duckets of golde .

Stay let me sée , what 's hee ? Oh t is Prodigalitie and his whore , a Gentleman and a Gentlewoman , they are walking towordes the Suburbs of a Baudie house for their recreation , Yonder rides the Bawde in her Coach before , and they two come leysurely with the pox ) behinde but will all meete together anon to make worke for the Chirurgion , who will answeare their loose bodie with the Squirt .

Now I le assure you though I laugh but sildome , I must needes : make merry with yonder Asse , why hee is trapt for all the world like Alexanders Horse , such a feather in 's head , so begarded , and the very same Trot : I haue knowne his Father well , hee was a most graue Senator ( in regard of his gray beard ) and did much little good in the Cittie , got wealth . and pild vp golde euen as they pile vp Stock-fish in Island , and now his Sonne ( the second part of a ●oole ) has all all : marrie what doth he with it ? stay , ( let me snuffe my Candle and I le tell you ) euen like one of Signeour Scatter-goods politicians hee deuides it into partes : A greate portion for Dicing : a good some for Drinking , a parceil for whoring , a moitie for pride , a third for dauncing six shares and a halfe for swaggering , and all the remainder for begger●e . Walke along knaue , walke along .

Who haue we next comes creeping with the palsey in his ioynts , a great leather pouch by his side as large as a Gammon of Bacon , long stockings and a side coate crosse-bard with veluet to his knees ? stay ( light , light ) let me see : oh I knowe the damned ●la●e t is Mounsiur Vsurie , what a lea●e lanke thin gut it is : hee lookes maruailous like a long omtie Cats-skinn purs●e , I would I had his skinne to make me a summer paire o● Buskins .

O what a blessednes is it to me , that I neuer came into such villaines clutches what does hee , pray , as hee goes his Chaps walke so ? fast No , the Rogue is ruminating vpon his pawnes , hée chawes the Cud in contemplation of Bands and Billes , I dare be sworne hée neuer champs so much vpon his dinner or Supper , for his panch cries out on him , and all the gutts in his Pudding-house , rumple . and grumble at their slender allowance , He obiectes the old prouerbe to his belly , Many a sacke is tyed vp before it be full . I would I had the dyeting of him some month with my Rootes , I would send him deeper vnder Ground then ere they grew : the Caniball should neuer feede more vpon poore men , and play the D●ce-maker with their bones hang him rogue , hang him

how now thou drunken knaue , Canst not sée but réele vpon me ? I would I had béene ware of thee , thou shouldst haue borne me a good bange with my Staffe : what slaue 's this ? as I liue I was almost downe

Looke how his cloake hangs , one side to his ankles and th' other side to his elbow : his steps take the Longitude and the latitude , hoise , hoise : This fellowe is now ( in his owne conceit ) mightely strong , for hée dares fight with any men : he is exceeding rich , scornes money , and ca●es not for twentie thousand pound : hee is maruailous wise , and ●ut , tell not him , for he knowes more then any man whatsoeuer . What 's hee that dares refuss to pledg him ● as sure as death if he could feele or finde his dagger , stabbes would be dealt : harke how the villaine sweare , there 's all his hostesse hath in pawde for his score , Yet hee 's a passing good Customer for vttrance , about a barrell aday goes downe his gutter , So take him in there at the red ●attice . hee has cast anchor at the blewe Anchor for this day . Fill him of the best , for he is euen one of the best Ghuestes that euer tooke vp sodden water with Chaulke-credit on a Post. Out vpon him , out vpon him , I le read his destinie : Dye in a Ditch knaue , or end in an Hospitall Rascall chuse whether thou wilt .

How lookes yonder fellow ? what 's the matter with him trow ? has a eaten Bull-biefe ? there 's a lofty slaue indeede hee 's in the alitudes : Oh , is t you Maister Ambition ? I would be glad to see you hang'de a while for an old acquaintance● a great man with the Emperor : i le assure you , a great man with that Emperor : his voyce is heard in the Court now , and his Fathers voyce was wo●nt to be heard in the Cittie : For I haue heard him many a time and often , cry Brpomes in Athens : a good plaine honestman , and dealt much with old Shooes : I heare him once tell this proud knaue being then a boy ) a good discourse of Iustice out of a Broome : Sirra ( said hee ) heer 's byrch to correct you in Child-hood , and when you grow to be a great Lubber , heer 's a staffe for to be labour you with all : Yf that will not serue to a-mend you , why then hecres euen a good With to hang you vp : Amen saide I hee 's growing towards it apace ●aspiring to rise hie plotting to be mightie : and what tooles has he out of the Dwells shop for his worke ? Treason , Treason he will ascend by Treason though he climbe the gallowes for it and cruck his neck in comming downe againe . I● I salute him and put off my cappe I would my Lanthorne were in my Belly . Vertue scornes him , I know him not : strout a-long Sirra , for thou hast not long to strout it .

More knaues abroad yet ? Yonder s Boasting & Presumption I holde my life as olde as I am i le take his Kapiet from him with my walking staffe , hee 's all sound and breath tongue and talke ; feares no man , cares for no man beholding to no man : but trie his valour put him to it , see what s in him , dare him to the proofe and there 's mine emtie fellowe like a water bubble flyling in the ayre till a puffe cracke him : I neuer knew ( since I knew reason ) a wordie fellow prooue a worthie fellow : a man must set his hand to his man-hood , and finger it , t will not bée had with wounds and blood , heart and nailes , as euery rascally knaue makes account : when two curres meete , all the while they barke they haue no leysure to byte : Alexander had a bragging Souldier that swore he had kild fiue hundred men with fillips , yet this fellow sware the peace against a woman that had broken his head with his owne dagger : and tother day , I followed a couple of notorious braggarrs into the field , one sware hée would imbrew his Kapies hilts in the bowels of his foe , the other vowed to make him eate yron and stéele like an Estridge : when they came to the place ap●inted , both drew their weapons , laide them presently downe and went to bussels for a bloodie nose , which I séeing ran to the towne and cry'd murder , murder and so brought thrée hundred people together to laugh at them . I could tell many like examples of S●ignior Feather cappe and his fellow , but that I spie another knaue comming , that puts me out

T is Contention ( nay , i le goe l●w enough to the ●ennell , thou shalt not iustle me for the wall ) loo●e how hee stares : see how a frownes , hee has had a poore man in Lawe this three yeere , for bidding his Dog Come out Cuckolds curre , yet if the Dog could speake , hee would beare witnesse against his Master for Horne worke that hee had seene wrought by his M●stris in her Chamber to make her husband night-caps of .

Oh , striffe is the summe of his 〈◊〉 , ●is the ●●lace of his soule hee is neuer well at hearts 〈◊〉 he be not wran●ling with one or other : i le trie it by the law sayes hee ) the lawe shall iudge it : i le co●e to no agreement but lawe : i le pinch him by the lawe : I haue a hundred pound to spend at law : and all law , law : yet hee himselfe is altogether voide of equitie : hée le neither take wrong nor doe right : bites his poore neighbours doggedly by the backe , scornes his superiour , tramples vpon his inferior , and so hée may bée wrangling , cares not with whom it be , to keepe his hand in vre . He neuer went to bed in charitie in his life , nor neuer wakes without meditating shrewde turnes . Oh he loues wonderfully to be feeding on the bread of s●rife and imitates the Camels which del●ght to dr●●●e in●●●ubled pooles . well hee shall ●o●ne no neighbour-hood with mee for it : my Tunn stands farre inough off from his house : I had rather haue a Beare to my next neighbour , then such a brabling rascall : goe walke a knaue in the horse fayre , I haue nothing to say to thee but farewell and behang'd and when thou art going that iourney , take all thy fellowes with thee .

Well met , or rather ill met Hipocrisie : Ah thou smooth face villaine with the fawning tongue art thou b●come a citizen too , then looke about you plaine fellows , you shall be sure to want no deceit : he hats swearing so doe I : t is well done to hate it , but he loues lying and will ouer-reach you in a bad bargaine , or with ●alse waight and measure : Yes indeed : I truly will he Hée le sigh and say there 's no conscience now adayes , and then makes his owne actions beare witnesse to it ' by yea and nay , if he can he will deceiue you .

Looke to his hands hearken not to his tongue , and say I haue giuen you faire warning , for a Philosopher hath béene co●sned by him . I had rather haue it said , Diogines was deceiued , then so heare it reported hée is a deceiuer . I paid for a better cappe then I weare , and my gowne is scarce worth halfe the mony it cost me marry what remedie ? nothing : I haue ●earned by it onely , A knacke to knowe a kna●e : and while I liue , i le looke better to Yes truely , and I indeed : Hipocrisie shall neuer fell me good wordes againe while hee liu●s : i le neuer ●ell me good wordes againe while hte liues : i le neuer buy breath more for mony . If a théefe should méete me going home , and taking away my purse , I would say I met with an honester man , then hée that cusned me in the buying of my gowne , for the théefe would prooue a man of his worde , and tell mée what I should trust to in the peremptorie tearms of Stand , Deliuer your purse .

But my Gowne-brother , he promist me good stuffe , truely , a great penni-worth indeede , and verily did gu●l me . But let me take my leaue of my purse , hées's a villaine , an arrant villaine , and I could euen finde in my heart to eat his liuer fride with par●ley to morrow morning to breakefast .

How now , what s the matter ; whether goes all this hurly burley ? heer 's a clutter indéed . Now I sée , now I see , Coson●ge the Swaggerer is carried to Prison . I heare the people say hee hath stab'd the Constable , beate the watch , broke the Tapsters head , and layn with his Hostesse .

Heere is no villaine : pray search his pockets : I ●ol●e you as much , false heart , false hand and false dice : what crooked tooles are those in 's tother Pocket : Pick-lockes pick-lockes : This fellow liues by his wittes , but yet belongs not to Wits Common wealth ▪ he swires he is a Gentleman , but of what house ? Marry Cheters Ordinarie : an ingenious slaue , that workes a liuing out of hard bones , and has it at his fingers ends : euery man with him is a very Roh●e and a base Gull : he threatens stabs and death , with heart wounds & blood , yet a bloody nose hath made him call for a Chir●rgion , He scornes to dwell in a sute of appahell a weeke : this day in Sattin , to morrow in Sackloth , one day all new , the next day all seam-rent : now on his backe , anon at the brokers , and this by his reckoning is a gentlemans humour Sure I cannot denie but if it may be so , but I pray then what humor is the geltleman in ? he is neuer ( in my opinion ) like to prooue gentlemen be the humor .

Away with him , away with him , make sure worke , chaine and kennell him vp in tatle , make him a Knight of the douiorous Castle .

He will doe better farre tied vp then loose at libertie , let him not play the wandring Pilgrim in any case , there 's no remedie for such wilde fellowes , but to tame them in the d●nger● of 〈…〉 follow him close watchman with your Ha●●erts , least he shew you a new dance cal'd runne-awaies galliard So , s● , by this time he lies where hee 's like to prooue lowsie if the●e be not some speedy remedie vser , with a medicine made of Hempseed to kill his itch .

Who haue we next pray ? I should know him by his vilanous scuruie lookes , a makes a wry mouth , and has a grinning countenance , for all the world like Detaction : why t is he indeed , a rope stretch him , has not the Crowes pickt out his eyes yet : See how hee laughs to himselfe , at yonder piaine Gentlewoman in the old fashion , because shee has not the trash and trumperie of Mistris Loose-legges about her .

Dost thou deride Ciuilitie , Knaue ? is decencie become rediculous ? looke vpon thy selfe the● Rascall , looke vpon thy selfe , whom all the wisemen in the worlde may laugh to scorne indeed .

Thou hasse nothing in thee , ( if thy inside were turned outward worthy of the least 〈◊〉 ●nta●●en , and yet such villaines will euer be scoffing ( deriding and detracting , from those of the best spirits and worthiest endéuours ) learned mens workes , industrious mens trauailes , gr●●t mens counsels , 〈◊〉 mens vertues , and wise mens arts , Detraction will spit ●enome at : nothing is well done that flowes not from his durtie inuention : he has scoffes for them he knowes not , and iestes for them he neuer sawe , what a world s this , when a foole shall censure a Philosopher ? a doult an ●deot , one that hath wit in 's hcele and head alike , to condemne and depraue natures miracles for wit and wisedome .

This is he that can mend euery thing that is readie made to his hand detracting from the wortinesse of euery mans worke : t is a villaine , a right villaine bred and borne , he came not long since along my Tub-house , and scoffing at me , asked me why I made it not a tap-house ? marry ( quoth I ) I haue determined so to do but I want such arogue as thou art to make a signe 〈◊〉 : with that cald he me Dagge , Said I , thou didst neuer heare mee barke , but thou shalt seele mre bite , and so thrust my Pike-st●●●e through his chockes , that I made his teeth chatter in his head , like a Uiper as he is .

Nay then we shall neuer hau● done , looke where Ielosie is as , yellow as if hee had the yellowe Iaund●ce : his wife 's an honest woman ( in my conscience ) loyall and true in we●locke : but because he like a fornicating rascall vses common Cur●ozuns , hee thinkes her cartesies and theirs are all alike to euery man come who will : his eyes followe her feete wheresoeuer shee goes : if any friend salute her , shee dares not reply , but must passe stranger-like without any showe of Curtesie : hee sweares thee is a●●●hore , and himselfe alarge horned Cuckolde , able to runne But with all Cuckoldes in the Towne .

Nay , hee is growne to such outrage , that hee is euen fr●nticke with ●ealosie , sometimes offering to lay wagers that no Bu●l dare● encoun●er with his head , and that his hornes are more preti●●s then any U●icorne . the ha●erda●her cannot ●it h●m with a hate wide enough : The Barbor cannot t●●me his fore-heade close enough , and yet the pore hath made his be●rd th●● enough ▪ hee sayes hee thinkes there 's ●ot an honest woman 〈◊〉 to his knowledge , and the re●son is , he is 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 with none but whor●s . A Bawdie-house is for his bodily ex●ercise , and hee can not liue without his lecherie , be hath whores of all complexions , whores of all fizes , and whores of all diseases : and this is the cause that the villanous fellow déemes all to be whores . But maisters marke the end of him that hath béene laid f●iue times of the Poxe , if he be not throughly Frenche fide and well prepared for his venerie , then will I for seuen yeares eate Hay with a Horse : well , i le crosse the way to tother side the stréete , before hée come too nigh mee , I dare not indure him , t is good sléeping in a sound Skin ? I would not be in his coate for Alexanders ri●h gowne , out stinking Knaue out Houlde off thy cart Knaue , wilt ouer-runn me ? thy horse hath more honestie in him then thou , for he auoides ●●e , and thou drawest vppon me . So villaine so , curse the creature that gets thy liuing , and see how thou wilt thriue by it Thou blinde Knaue , Porter , doost rush vpon me with thy basket , and then sayest , by your leaue ? belike thou meanest to●iustle me againe , for thou didst aske no leaue the first time before hand , what brutish slaues doe I meet with ? my staffe shall meete with some of you a none : Take thou that knaue , for crying , broomes so lowd in mine eares , heere s a quoile indeede , your Cittie shuflings rumling , and tumling , is not for my humor . What a filthy throte has that Oyster wife , I thinke t will echo in my braue panne this houre . This is the raging streete of our cries , i le out walke is with all the speede I can .

Hetherto haue I met with neuer an honest man , well i le burne out my candles-end , and then make an ende and get me home . So , that is good to begin with all : Had your street neuer a Knaue to encounter my first entrance but Discord ? Malum Omen , Mulcum Omen , This is hee that sets Countries and Kingdomes together by the eares , breedes Citties mutunes , and domesticall contetions , Prince against Prince , Nation against Notion , Kindred , Neighbour , Friend all at variance . This is he that calles Peace with her palme free , idle huswife , and soundes defiance throughout the whole world : you are wrong'd ( sayes hee ) put not vp such a vile indignitie : this disgrace no man-hood can indure , your valour and reputation is in state of preiudice , t is wounded by such a one , and you cannot in any wise put it vp for the whole world takes notice of it , and all men will censure you

This is the rascall that made me fall out with Plato , call him proude fellow , and trample vpon his bed , because it was somewhat handsomer and better deckt then mine . In all his life-time , ( and i le assure you t is an old , gray , leane , dry , rotten-bon'd villaine ) did hée neuer showe chéerefull countenance but at the sight of some mischiefe : hee would rather bite his tongue thorow , then bid any man good morrow . So , so , now it workes , hee 's got amongst a crue of scoldling Fish-wiues , off goes her head-tyre , haue at tothers throate , to her greene Waste-coate : why now it workes like waxe .

Thrust in Cut-purse for there 's good peniworths to bee had amongst them , the Trade is like to be quicke by and by , customers come apace , make a priiue s●arch without a Constable , i le stay no longer with you , a rope tid you all . Now fie vpon thee s●ouenly Knaue , when didst thou wash thy face ? Heere 's Sloth right in his kinde : the hat he weares all day , at euening becom●h his night-cap his frieze gowne sconse , wherein hee in trenches himselfe is at least thirtie thousand strong : garter thy hose beast , garter thy hose , or will the Poxe indure no Garters ?

This fellow I remember comming to a sig-tree being so extreeme lasie that Bee could not stretch his arme out to gather any , laide himselfe downe vpon his backe and gaping , cryed : Sweet ●igs drop downe in yeelding wise For Lazie will not let me rise .

This is hee that riseth late , and goes earely to bed , vp to eate and downe to sleepe , scornes to labour , for he is as sti●●e iointed as the Elephant , and rather then hee would indure halfe an houres labor , hee would willingly choose a whole houres hanging . I know no vse in the world for him , except to keepe the citie bread from moulding , and the towne liquor from sowring .

This is he , that lying at ease vpon his backe , where : a Cart was to passe , intreated the Carman to draw easie ouer him , for he could not rise yet , till his lasie fit was past this is he that could rather be lowsie then indure to haue his shirt washed , and had rather goe to bed in hoose and shooes , then stoope to pull them off . Hee is fitted with a wife euen pat of his owne humor , for tother day heating broth for her husbands breakfast , the Cat cri'd new in the porridge pot : Wife ( said he ) take out poore Puise alas how came shee there ? With that shee tooke out the Cat by the eare , and stroking off the Porredge from her into the pot , they two wen louingly to breakfast with it .

A shame take them both for filthy companions . for their broth is abominable : who , then wee shall neuer haue done : heere s hell broke loose , swarming together . Derision , he goes before and scoffes euery man hee meets doost laugh at my Lanthorne , knaue , because I vse Candle-light by day ? Why villaine t is to seeke such as ●on'le neuer be : Honest men .

Violence he walkes with him , heel 'e do iniurie to his owne Father ( if he can ) all that he weares on his backe and all that hee puts in his belly , is got by oporesion , wrong and crueltie : he cares not how hee gets it , so hee gets it , nor from whence he take it , so he haue it .

Ingratitude makes one in their Consort , and inhueman and vnciuill sauage , if a man should doe him a thousand good turnes in a day , he would neuers giue a thousand good wordes in a yeare for them .

Impatience is a nother of their sraternitie : a raging knaue , an vnquiet turbulent rogue , hée 'le allow time for nothing , als at a minnits warning that he calls for , or hée 'le rage , raile , curse and sweare , that a wiseman would not for ten pound be within ten myles of him .

Who 's the other hold vp thy head knaue : O t is Dulnes , the most notorious blook-head that euer p●st : instruct him till your tongue ake he has no eares for you : there s nothing in him but the ●sses vertue , that s dull melancholy : how l●mpish a lookes ▪ out rascalles out : Now a murraine take you all , I did ne●er make a worse dayes worke in my life then I haue done to day : heere 's a Cittie well blest , is well prouided I wa●rant you If a man should neede a honest-mans help , where should he ●ind him ? Well , farewell Athens I and my Tubbe scornes thee and thy Citizens .