Humors antique faces Drawne in proportion to his seuerall antique iestures.

NEC TEMERE NEC TIMIDE

Jr. Clement Cottrell Kt. Master of the Ceremonyes

HVMORS ANTIQVE FACES .

Drawne in proportion to his seuerall Antique Iestures .

LONDON Imprinted for Henry Rockett , and are to bee solde at the long Shop vnder S. Mildreds Church in the Poultrie . 1605.

To the Reader . HE that to please all humors doth intend , May well begin but neuer make an ende : S●nce euerie humor hath his seuerall vaine , Which in themselues strange obiects doe retaine I then will write at random : hit as t' will , If some be pleas'd , of some be impleased still . To him that likes it best , to him I send it , Mislike it not till you your selfe can mend it . Then if my humor hath done humors wrong I le rather mend it or else hould my tongue . Meane while comment but rightly on the text I will present strange fashions to you next .

Prologue . VNder the shadowe of the gloomy night , When silent sleepe arrests each mortall wight , When fayrie Oberon and his night Queene In Cinthias honor friskes ore euerie greene . Sleepe , parting from mee , gaue inuention light To finde some subiect for my pen to wright When musing how the world I best might fit , I saw how Poets humor'd out their wit . Nay then thought I write all of what they list , Once in my daies i le proue a humorist . When on the Sudden as I thought the thing , I was encountred by the Fayrie King . Mortall ( quoth hee ) I charge thee to ingage , Thy pen to scourge the humors of this age , Thou shalt not neede to make a long relation , What thou canst get by tediouse obseruation . Fayries haue left their lowe infernall places , The seuerall formes of humors in their faces . Take what , and where thou list while it is night , But send them home before the day be light .

Epigram . O By your leaue I pray you giue them vent , Heere comes braue courtship gallant complement Hee meetes his friend nay then he keepes a stur , Illustrous , generous , most accomplisht Sur. Kisses his hand and sends it to his foote As if he ought some duetie to his boote Phoebus bright lampe good halfe an houre might burne , Courtly contending , each doth keepe his turne . Vntill their Courtship pester so the way , By comes a cart , and then dissolues the fray . Then out comes wordes more eloquent then Hermes , The quintessence of all your Inkchorne termes . As we are Alians I am sorrie thoe , T is your defect Sir : you will haue it soe . Moste admirable be the wordes they speake , T' expresse their mindes plaine english is to weake . To these strange wordes , which these braue gallants cogge , A courtly conge is the Epilogue . For hauing now so frankely spent their store , Needes must they parte when they can speake no more

Epigram . A Hansome fellow and a proper Squire , A little hanging would promote him higher , A man I tell you of the better sorte , Amongst his equals hath a good reporte , His dealings on the market day doth rall At newgate market , Cheape and Leaden-Hall . He is a taker , indeede is he soe , I meane a taker vp of Purses thoe : This fellowe comming lately downe Cheape-side , Afemall bootie suddenly espide . T was Market day , but quight out of his minde : For he had left his Instruments behinde . But his conceite that is no barren spring , With little musing had bethought a thing . Was it the womans lucke or fortune whether That she should weare both purse and knife together ? The Cut-purse swore and bound it with a curse , The womans knife should cut the womans purse , And did it too : good reason by my troth , For would you that a man should breake his oathe , T was not for neede I pray conceaue the best , His humor was to cut a Purse in iest .

Epigram . ROome Sirs , I pray for Bachus Cousen heere , Whose paunch ( the fatal tombe to al good cheare ) Welters in tallowe and huge cakes of grease , Such burlie fellowes make good men of peace , He is of such a huge insatiat size His whole daies worke nothing but gurmandize . He has a belly circular and rounde , Is neuer full , O sir it is profound . He has a huge and dreadefull fierie nose , God blesse Paules steeple when hee puffes and blowes , He dares not goe vngirded not two meales , For then his guts would fall about his heeles . Poore Painters were vndone if he were dead , They loose the patterne of a Sarzens head , I met him once riding downe Holborne late , I surely thought the mouth at Bishops-gate Had been on progresse , out in Oxfordshire For to deuoure all Mutton and porredge there . Well blame not him , he has a care to carue , For otherwise poore church-yard wormes wold starue .

Epigram . Sweete Signeor swash was late orecome with passion Because his life was quite worne out of fashion : For he protests , nay and you wil , hee le sweare That he hath bin in London halfe a yeare . Yet all this while that hee in London lay : T was not his lucke so much as see a play . Nay which is more , he hath not seene great Hunckes , Nor yet hath bin in Shor-diteh mongst his Punckes . And God forgiue him he is not precise , Much to frequent any good exercise . Why this is strange a riddle not a rime , Where hath this gallant yonker spent his time . To tell the Iest I thinke t' will make you smile , He hath bin in the Counter all this while .

Epigram . ONe tolde a Courser where he should repayre , And finde a field wel fraught with praunsing wate Whither he went without let or denyall Before he bought , thinking to steale a tryall . Some two or three he backes , but doth reiourne , The dull pac'd Iades they wold not serue his turne , At last he back'd one , whose heeles did rebound , As if his vaultage seemde to scorne the ground . And though his rider keept him on the racke , Ran quight away , his chapman on his backe : His courage was of such a fierie pitch , As bore the Courser ouer hedge and ditch . But seeing one he feared would reueale him , He raygn'd him in , he did not meane to steale him It was the owner , then he keepes a sturre , Houlds backe his head , but giues his sides the Snurre . As if indeede he could not holde him still , But that he stole a Horse against his will . Nothing but this , yet he was hang'd they say , Because the horse did carrie him away .

Epigram . DOe you knowe this fellowe in the veluet Iacke ? His first beginning was with , what doe ye lacke ? But now indeede the man in age doth droppe , Therefore vnfit to keepe a Trades-mans Shoppe . And he hath found the trade of bonds and libles , The Deuill found it for his owne Desciples . A Vsurer , O Sir t is verie true ! A faithfull vnlaine and an honest Iewe. He will not sticke to lend his money foorth , So hee haue pawne for fiue times more then worth . Hee 'le send you money vppon all your state , Be it in Landes , in Iewels , or in plate . Hee le smooth you vp , and speake you wondrous faire , Pay when you can some weekes shall breake no square . Trust not his kindenesse , then your case is euill , As good to be behoulding to the Deuill .

Epigram . IF you to knowe this gallant doe desire , Hee is the ofspring of a couetous sire , No sooner is the Father dead , scarce colde , But his braue Sonne beguilds his purse with golde . Vnto his Fathers Closset doth he hie , In faith he longs to see these Angelles flie . Where like some potent fellowe in his fumes , Ruffles his feathers and displayes his plumes . And for his signet takes his fathers ring Angel his subiects ; O most gallant King ▪ To whome as one to pittie onely bent , ( Saith he ) I long bewayl'd your prisonment . My father he kept you in slauerie , But I am come to giue you libertie , Next he takes care if he shall liue or not , To spend the wealth his couetous Father got . Good faith t is trewe his worshippe lackes a man , Hee le make a shift hee le spend it if he can . Ten pound a yeare hee le giue , each day three meales , Onely to carrie golde after his heeles . To beare foorth presents , bee his apple squire , To make al●gge , and say Ouy Mounsire . This being done out of the doores hee throwes , To seeke companions my young Master goes . Some twentie pound this day he doth disburse , He scornes to bring home fragments in his purse , Ere long his father must be layde in clay , And then he sweares hee le make that day a day , All the good Lands in England at the least , Must lend their presence for to grace his feast , Thus euerie day he reuels and makes sporte , Why he doth well his Kingdome is but short .

Epigram . BVt who is this that commeth creeping heere , That like the King of Hunger doth appeare , O t is the braue resolued Gentleman , That taketh Phisicke therefore looketh wan , A strong purgation , hee hath had of late , It purg'd his Purse and hath refind his state . His purpose is to liue at rest and quiet , Therefore hath bound himselfe to keepe a diet . For these a weeke he doth abstaine to eate , Not for deuotion , but for lacke of meate , Alas good prodigall he knowes not where to dine , His ordinarie is amongst the swine . I was a foole ( quoth hee ) to thinke this thing , That golden Angells had bin lame of wing .

Who dares not trust his wife before his eye : A horne plague meetes him for his Iealousie . Epigram . A Fellowe once diseased in the head , Liu'd much in doubt that he was cuckoled , He asked counsell of his neighbor by , If any meanes there were the truth to trie , His friend comes ore him with a wondrous storie , Of Saint Lukes share the Cuckoldes consistorie . And sayes i' ft please him thither to repayre , All night to inuocate that Saint with prayer , If it were so , he did assure him well , Ere morning come the Oracle would tell . Till night was come my foole liu'd in confusion , He was a fyer to trie this strange conclusion . Well hee is shipped off at Lyon kaye , For his boone voyage at Saint Lucas baye . He landed , doth vnto the alter goe Whereon amaz'd he saw great hornes to growe . He makes his prayer , tels the poste his plight , All a colde , long , and teadiouse winter night . And euerie night-Bird that he hear'd to creake , He still suppos'd the Oracle would speake . Meane while his friend ( he did before importune ) Supplide his roome and gaue my foole his fortune . Well , morne is come no voice that hee can heare , Hee thankes the Saint that his good wife is cleere . Hauing performed his obsequious rightes , Forthwith is dub'd one of Saint Lucas Knights . T is for his praise I hope , hee hath ingroste , A payre of hornes more on Saint Lucas poste . Increast himselfe although his wit was worne , For he returned heauier by the horne . Well home he comes thinking to take a nappe , Alas his head had quight out growen his cappe . This made him wonder but his wife was cleene , He rather thought Diana he had seene .

Epigram . A Poore Slaue once with penurie aflicted , Yet to Tobacco mightily adicted Sayes , they that take Tobacco keepes their health , Are worthie fellowes in a common wealth . For if ( sayth he ) Tobacco were our cheare , Then other victuals neuer would be deere . Fye on excesse it makes men faint and meeke , A pennie loafe might serue a man a weeke . Were we conform'd to the Camelions fare , To liue by smoake as they doe liue by ayre . O how our men oppresse and spoyle their sence , in making hauoke of the elements . He can giue reason for what he hath spoake , My Salamander liues by fire and smoake . Necessitie doth cause him to repeate , Tobaccos praise for want of other meate .

Epigram . A Iolly fellow Essex borne and bred , A Farmers Sonne his Father being dead , T' expell his griefe and melancholly passions , Had vowd himselfe to Trauell and see fashions . His great mindes obiect was no trifling toy , But to put downe the wandring Prince of Troy , Londons discouerie , first he doth decide , His man must be his Pilot and his guide . Three miles he had not past , there he must sit : He ask't if he were not neere London yet , His man replies , good Sir your selfe besturre , For we haue yet to goe sixe times as farre . Alas I had rather stay at home and digge , I had not thought the worlde was halfe so bigge . Thus this great worthie comes backe thoe with strife , he neuer was so farre in all his life . None of the seauen worthies : on his behalfe , Say , was not he a worthie Essex Calfe ?

The Humors that haunt a Wife . A Gentleman a verie friend of mine , Hath a young wife and she is monstrous fine , Shee 's of the newe fantastique humor right , In her attire an angell of the light . Is she an Angell ▪ I● it may be well , Not of the light , she is a light Angell . Forsooth his doore must suffer alteration , To entertaine her mightie huge Bom-fashion , A hoode's to base , a hat which she doth male , With brauest feathers in the Estridge tayle . She scornes to treade our former proud wiues taces . That put their glorie in their owne faire face , In her conceite it is not fayre enough She must reforme it with your painters stuffe , And she is neuer merrie at the heart , Till she be got into her leatherne Cart. Some halfe a mile the Coach-man guides the raynes , Then home againe , birlady she takes paines . My friend seeing what humors haunt a wife , If he weare loose would leade a single life .

A Poore Mans pollicy . NExt I will tell you of a poore man tricke , Which he did practise with a polliticke , This poore man had a Cowe t was all his stocke , Which on the Commons fed : where Catell flocke , The other had a steere a wanton Beast , Which he did turne to feede amongst the rest . Which in processe although I knowe not how , The rich mans Oxe did gore the poore mans Cow , The poore man heereat vexed waxed sad , For it is all the liuing that he had , And he must loose his liuing for a song , Alas he knew not how to right his wrong . He knew his enemie had pointes of law , To saue his purse , fill his deuouring mawe , Yet thought the poore man how so it betide , I le make him giue right sentence on my side . Without delay vnto the Man he goes , And vnto him this feyned tale doth gloze , ( Quoth he ) my Cowe which wich your Oxe did feede , Hath kild your Oxe and I make knowne the deede . Why ( quoth my Politique ) thou shouldst haue helpt it rather , Thou shalt pay for him if thou wert my father . The course of lawe in no wise must be stayde , Least I an euill president be made . O Sir ( quoth he ! ) I cry you mercie nowe , I did mistake , you Oxe hath gorde my Cowe . Conuict by reason he began to brawle , But was content to let his action fall . As why ? ( quoth he ) thou lookst vnto her well , Could I preuent the mischeife that befell ? I haue more weightie causes now to trie . Might orecomes right without a reason why .

Epigram . ONe of the damned crew that liues by drinke , And by Tobacco's stillified stinke Met with a Countrie man that dwelt at Hull Thought he this peasant's fit to be my Gull . His first salute like to the French-mans wipe . Wordes of encounter , please you take a pipe ? The Countrie man amazed at this rable , Knewe not his minde yet would be conformable . Well in a petty Ale-house they ensconce His Gull must learne to drinke Tobacco once . Indeede his purpose was to make a iest . How with Tobacco he the peasant drest . Hee takes a whiffe , with arte into his head , The other standeth still astonished . Till all his sences he doth backe reuoke , Sees it ascend much like Saint Katherins smoake . But this indeede made him the more admire , He saw the smoke : thought he his head 's a fyer , And to increase his feare he thought poore soule , His scarlet nose had been a fyerie cole . Which circled round with Smoke , seemed to him Like to some rotten brand that burneth dim . But to shew wisdome in a desperat case , He threw a Can of beere into his face , And like a man some furie did inspire , Ran out of doores for helpe to quench the fire . The Ruffin throwes away his Trinidado , Out comes huge oathes and then his short poynado , But then the Beere soe troubled his eyes , The countrie man was gon ere he could rise , A fier to drie him he doth now require , Rather then water for to quench his fire .

Epigram . COme my braue gallant come vncase , vncase , Neare shall Obliuion your great actes deface . He has been there where neuer man came yet , An vnknowne countrie , I , i le warrant it , Whence he could Ballace a good ship inholde . With Rubies , Saphers , Diamonds and golde , Great Orient Pearles esteem'd no more then moates , Sould by the pecke as chandlers measure oates , I meruaile then we haue no trade from thence , O t is to far it will not beare expence . T were far indeede , a good way from our mayne , If charges eate vp such excessiue gaine , Well he can shew you some of Lybian grauel , O that there were another world to trauel , I heard him sweare that hee ( t was in his mirth ) Had been in all the corners of the earth . Let all his wonders be together stitcht , He threw the barre that great Alcides pitcht : But he that sawe the Oceans farthest strands , You pose him if you aske where Douer stands . He has been vnder ground and hell did see Aeneas neare durst goe so farre a hee . For he hath gone through Plutoes Regiment , Saw how the Feindes doe Lyers there torment . And how they did in helles damnation frye , But who would thinke the Traueller would lye ? To dine with Pluto he was made to tarrie , As kindely vs'd as at his Ordinarie . Hogsheades of wine drawne out into a Tub , Where hee did drinke hand-smooth with Belzebub , And Proserpine gaue him a goulden bow T is in his chest he cannot shew it now .

Of one that cousned the Cut-purse . ONe toulde a Drouer that beleeu'd it not , What booties at the playes the Cut-purse got , But if 't were so my Drouers wit was quicke , He vow'd to serue the Cut-purse a new tricke . Next day vnto the play , pollicy hy'd , A bagge of fortie shillings by his side , Which houlding fast hee taketh vp his stand , If stringes be cut his purse is in his hand . A fine conceited Cut-purse spying this , Lookt for no more , the fortie shillings his , Whilst my fine Politique gazed about , The Cut-purse feately tooke the bottom out . And cuts the strings , good foole goe make a iest , This Dismall day thy purse was fairely blest . Houlde fast good Noddy t is good to dreade the worse , Your monie 's gone , I pray you keepe your purse . The Play is done and foorth the foole doth goe , Being glad that he cousned the Cut-purse soe . He thought to iybe how he the Cut-purse drest , And memorize it for a famous iest . But putting in his hand it ran quight throw Dash't the conceite , hee le neuer speake on 't now , You that to playes haue such delight to goe , The Cut-purse cares not , still deceiue him so .

A drunken fray . DIcke met with Tom in faith it was their lot , Two honest Drunkards must goe drinke a pot , T was but a pot or say a little more , Or say a pot that , s filled eight times ore . But beeing drunke , and met well with the leese , They drinke to healthes deuoutly on their knees , Dicke drinkes to Hall to pledge him Tom reiectes , And scornes to doe it for some odde respects Wilt thou not pledge him that 't a gull , a Scab , Wert with my man-hood thou deseruest a stab , But t is no matter drinke another bout , Wee le into t'h field and there wee le trie it out . Let s goe ( saies Tom ) no longer by this hand , Nay stay ( quoth Dicke ) let s see if we can stand . Then foorth they goe after the Drunken pace , Which God he knowes was with a reeling grace , Tom made his bargaine , thus with bonnie Dicke If it should chance my foote or so should slipp , How wouldst thou vse me or after what Size , Wouldst pare me shorter of wouldst let me rise . Nay God forbid our quarrells not so great , To kill thee on aduantage in my heate . Tush wee le not fight for any hate or soe , But for meere loue that each to other owe . And for thy learning loe I le shew a tricke , No sooner spoke the worde but downe comes Dicke , Well now ( quoth Tom ) thy life hangs on my sword , If I were downe how wouldst thou keepe thy worde ? Why with these hilts I 'de braine thee at a blow , Faith in my humor cut thy throate or soe , But Tom he scornes to kill his conquered foe , Lets Dicke arise and too 't againe they goe . Dicke throwes downe Tom or rather Tom did fall , My hilts ( quoth Dicke ) shall braine thee like a maull , Is' t so ( quoth Tom good faith what remedie , The Tower of Babelles fallen and soe am I But Dicke proceedes to giue the fatall wound , It mist his throate : but run into the ground . but he supposing that the man was slaine , Straight fled his countrie , shipt himselfe for Spaine , Whilst valiant Thomas dyed dronken deepe , Forgot his danger and fell fast a sleepe .

Epigram . WHat s he that stares as if he were afright The fellowe Sure hath seene some dreadfull spright Masse rightly guest , why sure I did diuine , Hee 's haunted with a Spirit feminine . In plaine termes thus , the Spirit that I meane , His martiall wife that notable curst queane , No other weapons but her nailes or fist , Poore patient Ideot he dares not resist , His neighbor once would borrow hut his knife , Good neighbor stay ( quoth hee ) i le aske my wife . Once came he home Inspired in the head , Hee found his neighbor and his wife a bed , Yet durst not sturre , but hide him in a hole , He feared to displease his wife poore sole . But why should he so dreade and feare her hate , Since she had giuen him armour for his pate ? Next day forsooth he doth his neighbor meete , Whome with sterne rage thus furiously doth greete , Villaine i le slit thy nose , out comes his knife , Sirra ( quoth he ) goe to I le tell your wife . Apaled at which terror meekely saide Retire good knife my furie is all laide .

Proteus . TIme seruing humour thou wrie-faced Ape , That canst transforme thy selfe to any shape : Come good Proteus come away apace , We long to see thy mumping Antique face . This is the fellow that liues by his wit , A cogging knaue and fawning Parrasit , He has behauiour for the greatest porte , And hee has humors for the rascall sorte , He has been greate with Lordes and high estates , They could not liue without his rare conceites , He was associat for the brauest spirits , His gallant carriage such fauour merrits . Yet to a Ruffin humor for the stewes , A right graund Captaine of the damned crewes , With whome his humour alwaies is vnstable Mad , melancholly , drunke and variable . Hat without band like cutting Dicke he go'es , Renowned for his new inuented oathes . Sometimes like a Ciuilian t is strange At twelue a clocke he must vnto the Change , Where being thought a Marchant to the eye , Hee tels strange newes his humor is to lie . Some Damaske coate the effect thereof must heare , Inuites him home and there he gets good cheare . but how is 't now such braue renowned wits , Weare ragged robes with such huge gastly slitts , Faith thus a ragged humor he hath got Whole garments for the Summer are to hot . Thus you may censure gently if you please , He weares such Garments onely for his ease . Or thus , his creadit will no longer waue . For all men know him for a prating knaue .

Epilogue . VAnish ye hence ye changelings of the night , For I descry your enemie the light : Flye through the westerne Gate see you darke gleames , Least in the east you meete with Phoebus beames Descend into your Orbes I say begon , And thanke your gentle Master Oberon . Tell him how well your gestures fit our rime , being roughly model'd in so short a time . For what you see presented to your sight , I onely write to tyer out the night , Wherein if you delight to heere me sing Wee le haue more trafique with the fayrie King . E. M. FINIS .