The knaue of clubbs

THE KNAVE OF Clubbes .

Printed at London for W. Ferebrand , and are to be sold at his shop in Popes-head Pallace . 1609.

TO FVSTIS Knaue of Clubs . FVSTIS , the humors of a Knaue , To thee I dedicate ; Which hath bine christned knaue of Clubs By Gentlemen of late : For thy notorious swaggering life , Thou liu'st about the Towne ; And Fleete-street fraies , when Prentices With Clubs did knocke thee downe : Thy tricks , and feates thou hast at cards , To cut vpon a Knaue , That let a man drawe where he will , Thy picture he shall haue . Thy haunting of the Dicing-house , To cheate a liuing theare , The Panders profit out of Whoores , For whome thou 't sight and sweare , Thy bould and brasen fac'd exploit In want , some quoine to get , At Bedlem-bowling alley late , Where Cittizens did bet : And threw their mony on the ground , To which thou didst incline , And taking vp an angell , swore By God this game is mine . While they vpon each other looke , Not knowing what to say , Clubs calles ( come sirha ) to his man , And goes with quoyne away . These and a thousand villanies , Which now I will omit , Hath got Thee placed captaine heere Because thou merrits is , March in the fore-front of my booke , And say I vse thee kinde , A crew of mad-men , knaues and fooles , Thy fellowes come behinde . S. R.

A Whoore-monger . AN ancient wooer matcht himselfe for gold , Vnto a widdow foure-score winters old , Whose wholsome mony , did beget good will , She brought him bags , 4. husbands help'd to fill As arrant misers as the earth containes , Which with their moyling care , & pessant paines Had scraped thousands , yet euen such they were , As ISIS Asse which loads of gold did beare , And was himselfe an obiect toyling beast , Burdned with that which he inioyed least . This golden Grandham lou'd a cup of sacke , Which her kind husband would not see her lack : but willingly a nights would make her drunke , Because indeed he kept a seruant puncke , Who when her mistris had it in the hed , Would come and creep into her Maisters bed . This held out long , vntill one night , kinde IONE Hearing her maister cough , and Mistris grone , Prepard herselfe ( the cough was still his call ) To tell the naked truth she stript of all . And comming like a Wench of willing sprite , To doe her Maisters businesse in the night , Such tumbling in the Bed ( belike ) did keepe , She wak'd her quiet Mistris out of sleepe . Who was by this recouer'd in the braine , And gotten sober by her sleepe againe . Perceiuing plainely how the matter went , And why the kindenes of the sacke was ment , Starts vp and cries , ah Whore am I your bawde ? Out wicked Knaue , and with her Nailes be clawd Them cruelly , that Wench and Maister bled , Then with her feete she spurn'd them out of bed , The violence of that same furious fall , Threw them both down , with chamber-pot & all , So that the scratching , wash'd with filthy smell , Did kill the Itch , like whipping in Bride-well .

A Pander . A Countrie blew-coate Seruing-man , In Tearme-time sent to Towne : Would range the Citie for some newes To carry with him downe . At length he got into More-fieldes , Viewing the Walkes and Trees : And thence to Garden-Alley goes , Where at a Dore hee sees , A Puncke prepar'd for passengers , Set out for baudie sale , Who smiling saide , kinde Gentleman , Bestow some Bottle-Ale Vpon me , if you loue a Wench , Whome you shall ready finde . To counteruaile your curtesie , In what you will , moste kinde . Some bottle-ale ( quoth he ) where i' st ? Ha'st any neere at hand ? Yes sir ( saide she ) I pray come in : Thus she was seruing-mand . He sits him downe into a chaire , And to his liquor falles , While she vnto her maid for cakes , Stewd prunes , and pippins calles : Which being brought them , downe she sits , And as they both imbrace , A swaggering rogue breakes open dore , And 's Rapier did vncase , Villain ( quoth he ) and damned whore , Before the Lord you die , For this deflowring of my wife , What hast thou to reply ? Sir said the clowne you doe me wrong , Vpon me thus to raile , As I came by she cald me in , To drinke some bottle-ale , And by this bread I touch'd no more , But only hand and lip : No , saide the Ruffian , speake you whoore , And looke thou doost not trip , Else had you thousand liues you dye , Shee falling downe with speed , Cri'de out , deere husband pardon me , We haue bene nought in deede . Sirra what say you now ( quoth he ) Shee hath confest it plaine : Villaine thou dyest : oh hould ( sayes he ) Heare me one word againe , Fiue pounde is all the coyne I haue That will I freely giue , Heere take it sir with all my heart , So you will let me liue : Fiue pound ( quoth he ) dost think i le sell My reputation so ? Fiue hundred will not satisfie , My wife was chast ( I knowe ) Before thou broughtst her vnto this , Speake didst offend before ? Neuer kinde husband ( qd. the whore ) Nor nere will wrong you more . Well , huswife well , your tears preuaile Ioyn'd with a faithfull vow , Giue me fiue pound , and for this time I le pocket al vp now . You seeme an honest simple man , Refraine to tempt mens wiues : The only cause I let you liue Is to amend your liues .

A Sharke TWo hungry Sharkes did trauell Paules , Vntill their guts cride out , & knew not how , with both their wits , To bring one meale about : Saies one to tother , what coyne ha'st ? My famisht entralls grones , I finde but hungry dyet heere , Amongst these rotten bones : He did reply , faith not a crosse To blesse me in this case , I must goe seeke to mend my selfe , In some more wholesome place . And I but one poore penny haue , In all the world is mine , ( Quoth tother ) but I 'le try my wits , How that can make me dine . So towards Smithfield he departs , Vnto a Cookes thereby , And calleth for his Can of beere , The boy comes presently , And brings it him : Sir said the youth , Wil 't please you eat a bit ? I l'e fetch a daintie slice of beefe , Is hot vpon the spit . Sirha ( qd. he ) why do and twoot , Which nimble Iacke did bring , And he as nimbly eat it vp , Yet still his guts did wring . Iack sees al gone , saies Gentleman , Wilt please you tast good cheese ? I boy an twoo't ( quoth he againe ) Thought Sharke , this well agrees With my most woefull stomacks state , So Iacke with cheese comes in , And that was soone deuowred vp Euen as the beefe had bin . Being thus dispatcht , he laies down Iack A penny for the shot , Sir what shal this do said the boy ? Why rogue discharge my pot : So much I cald for , but the rest By me shall nere be paid , For victuals thou didst offer me , Do and thou woot I said . Iacke seeing he no more would pay , Vnto his maister went , And tould him there was one within , That had much vittails spent , And would not see the house dischargd , The Cooke vnto him goes , Requesting him of curtesie To pay the debt he owes : Sir said the swagg'rer , I protest , I cald but for a Can , According to the coine I had , As I am Gentleman , My hunger was exceeding great , Your boy did offer beefe , And bread , and cheese , which when I heard , Vnto my stomacks griefe , Quoth I , why bring it boy and t'woot , Leauing it to his will , Which he did bring , as if he meant , My hungry corps to fill . I could not chuse but feede thereon , ( This is the truth mine Hoast ) Yet score it vp , when God sends coyne , I will discharge your poast . The Cooke sees nothing to be had , Le ts him depart away , Who meets his fellow Sharke , In Paules againe next day , And tould him how exceeding well , He for his penny sped , On roasted beefe , good bread & cheese , Only for that he fed , Preethee ( quoth he ) but tell me where ? That Hoast shall sure be mine , Marry ( saies he ) in such a place , A Cooke at such a signe : Go there , and call but for a Can , And there 's a dapper knaue , Comes , gentleman , what daintie bit For dyet will you haue ? A stately peece of roasted beefe , Fine cheese , what will you eat ? Then say you , sirha I an t'woot You neede not pay for 's meat . Oh excellent ( quoth he ) I l'e goe , Such simple fooles to gull , And spend a pot withall my heart , To fill my belly full . Away he walkes vnto the house , To feede him on the iest , Sirra ( saies he ) a Can of beere , And looke you bring the best : The boy according to his vse , Returnes with nimble speede , Saying , Gentleman i' st your desire , On fine roast beefe to feede ? Fine beefe ( quoth he ) I boy an t'woot The boy runs downe amaine , Cries maister , come , bring Tom & Georg , Heeres I an twoot againe : His maister brings vp both his men , In all the haste might be , And I an twoot be basted so , He had no eyes to see . They larded and be greasd his bones , Vntill his shoulders sweat , And gaue him sower sawee good store , Vnto his fellowes meat .

A politique Theefe AMongst free-booters by the hie-way-side , Such as mens purses wofully misguide , Vnto some Inne the owner neuer ment , To be beyond a Lordships lowance spent , A Gentleman that could dispend by yeare , Fiue hundred pounds ( when purchase came in cleere ) Whose liuing onely made him to repine , Because the Hangman was to haue a fine , At Burstow-cawsie , Gads-hill and Coome-parke , Had taken vp about some hundred-marke , With which to London he was forced to flye , And get him cleere of fearefull Hue and Cry , Meeting with one iust of his owne dispose , With him he plotted to escape his foes , And tould him in what tearmes his case did stand , What extreame danger eminent at hand , But ( saith he ) if thou wilt affoord consent , My policie their purpose shall preuent . I le frame a Bill that I am in thy debt , And to the same an Ante date will set , Thou shalt arrest me , I l'e to counter go , And they may search , vntill their hearts ake so , No man will looke for me in that same place , T' will be my castle for some three moneths space , while they search Tauerne , rifle victualing-howse , There I secure will drink a healths carowse , This was agreed vnto the bill was made , Purse-taker was arested , there he staide , Vntill no further danger did appeare , Then with his creditor the debt did cleere , and being discharg'd , they to a tauerne went , Quoth plotter heere 's an angell ro be spent Onely in kindenes , prethee backe restore , What I haue paid in iest , six Angels more The other wisht , God might his soule confound , If he gaue backe a penny of that three pound , I sau'd thy life ( qd. he ) and will be paide , Although the plot thereof by thee was lai'd , Th' effecting it by me thou didst obtaine , Nay , I haue venter'd hanging for my paine : And do'st thou think ten shillings spent in wine , Sufficient pay for this good turne of mine ? My staying heere in towne to pleasure thee , Is many purse out of the way to mee , Had bene mine owne as sure as this is plate : Drinke , no more words , a penny I 'le not bate . Quoth tother , wilt not ? and his poniard drew , Stabs at him , saying , villain thou shalt rew This cheating of a better man then thou : Saies t'other , th' art an arrant theefe I vow , Drawing his dagger , wounding him againe , With that , house-guests prest in the roome amain , And vnderstanding how their quarrell grew , The robbery , and plot that did ensew , The falling out for challenging three pound , They present were for newgate voyage bound : From thence vp Holborne-hill they were conuaide , And so at Tiburne al the quarrell staid .

A cunning man alias cousening knaue . A shifting knaue about the towne , Did challenge wondrous skill : To tell mens fortunes & good haps , He had the starres at will . What day was best to trauell on , Which fit to chuse a wife , If violent , or naturall , a man should end his life . Successe of any sute in law , Which parties cause preuailes when it is good to pick ones teeth And ill to pare his nailes . So cunningly he plaid the knaue , That he deluded many , With shifting , base and cousening tricks , For skill he had not any . Amongst a crew of simple guls , That plid'e him to their cost , A Butcher comes and craues his helpe , That had some cattell lost , Ten groats he gaue him to his fee , And he to coniure goes , With characters , & vocables , and diuers antique shewes . The Butcher in a beastly feare , Expected spirits still , And wishd himselfe within his shop , Some sheepe or calfe to kill : His coloure changed red and pale , The sweat ran downe his face , and by the smell a man might iudge , His hose in filthy case . at length forth of an od blinde hole , Behinde a painted cloth , a Deuill comes with roaring voice , Seeming exceeding wroth , With squibs and crackers all about , Wilde-fire he did send , which swaggring Bal● ( the butchers dog ) So highly did offend , That he 〈…〉 D●uill flies , And shakes his hornes so sore , Euen like an Oxe ( most terrible ) He made Hobgoblin roare , The cunning man , cries , Gods loue help , Vnto your mastiffe call , Fight Dog , fight Deuill ( butcher said ) And claps his hands at Ball , The Dog most cruell tore his flesh , The Deuill went to wracke , And looked like a totterd rogue , With ne're a rag on 's backe : Giue me my mony backe againe , Thou slaue , the butcher said , Or I will see your Deuils heart , Before he can be laid : He gets not backe againe to hell , Ere I my mony haue , Nay , and I will haue intrest too , Besides mine owne I gaue . Deliuer first mine owne ten groats , And then a crowne to boote , I smell your Deuils knauery out , He wants a clouen foote , The Coniurer with all his 〈◊〉 The mony backe repaies , and giues fiue shillings of his owne , To whome the Butcher saies , Farewell most scuruy Coniurer , Think on my valiant deede , Which haue done more then English George , That made the Dragon bleede : He and his Horse the story tells , Did but a Serpent slay : I and my Dog , the Deuill spoil'd , We two haue got the day .

Brawling contention , TWo rayling creatures fell at strife , and such a clamour made , That people passing by , stood still , To hearken what they saide . amongst the rest a woman comes , Demaunding of the rout , I pray ( quoth she ) what is the cause , Of all this falling out ? One presently made answere thus , You are a whore ( quoth he ) Thou art an arrand scuruy knaue , and rascall rogue ( said she ) Why thus ( quoth he ) these two fell out , The quarrell that they haue , Began at first as we do now , With calling whoore and knaue .

Maister make-shift . A Needy Poet of a poore complexion , Whose purse was sick of very long infection , That writ ( as beggars craue an almes ) for need , Oft wanting meat when he would gladly feede , ( Who when he traueld to Parnassus hill , Was much beholden to tobacco still , For how so e're his chimney wanted fire , His nose was smoking to his hearts desire ) Come's to a tauerne , where he vnderstood , A dinner was prepard exceeding good , For diuers gentlemen , of which kinde crew , Some halfe a doozen very friends he knew , So boldly did intrude into the place , With hungry stomack , and a brasen face , They welcome him , and kindely do intreat To do as they do , sit him downe and eat , Which wholesome word no repetition needes , For like a starueling , he falles to and feedes : Little discourse long time he could afford , But answers , true sir , vnto euery word : T' is right forsooth , and so againe crammes in , As if a fortnight he had fasting bin : Plying his victuals thus an houre at least , Like vnto Wolnor that same rauening beast : His pudding-house at length began to swell , And he tooke leasure some strange lies to tell : And those he sweares vnto by cups of wine , ( For now to liquor he doth whole incline ) Well , growing late they for a reckning call , and Vintners boy brings vp a bill of all , So euery man doth cast his mony downe , Ten groats , 3. shillings , other some their crowne : Which all vpon a trencher was conuaid To Poet pennilesse , and him they prai'd To make the shot : nay Gentlemen ( quoth he ) I do intreat you all to pardon me , I 'le spend my crowne , and put his hand in 's hose , where not a penny could be found , God knowes : While still they sweare that he shal make the shot at last the mony in his hand he got , and rising , to the fidlers turnes about , Come on ( quoth he ) what new thing is come out ? Sure Gentlemen ( said they ) we haue not any , Then sing me , I could fancy louely Nanny , ( And heere is for you , I le but goe and leake , Call for a pot , there 's not a rogue will speake ) So takes his cloake and downe the staires away , With all the mony was laid downe to pay : The Gentlemen suspecting no such thing , Discourse together , and the fidlers sing , Vntill they misse their Poet ouer-long , Who tooke his leaue most kindely with a song : They knocke and call and send to seeke belowe , But what s become of him , there 's none doth know Hee 's gone to walke , his dinner to disgest , Of all the mony they laid downe possest , Some fiftie shillings the had goten cleare , In curtezie , for al the great good cheare . Now euery man must to his purse againe , In Vintners debt , and Fidlers they remaine , Some sweare , some swagger , others laugh thereat , Wishing the reckning would make thin-gut fat : A pox vpon this Poet one did curse , He hath not left a penny in my purse : Fiue shillings not a farthing more I had , And thus be-guld , doth make me almost mad , With all my heart I 'le spend a crowne , or twaine , To meete the rascall in my dish againe : I wo●ld bestab his skin , like dublet cuts , And garter vp his stockings with his guts . Then downe the staires the villain should be tost Like ●● a footeball in a winters frost . Gentlemen saies another , silence now , T is but a folly to protest and vow , Although plaine dealing be a iewell still , We must vse double dealing gainst our will : And pay our shot again was paid before , For yet you see we stand vppon the score : We are well seru'd if things be rightly scand , To put our reckning into Make-shifts hand . But laugh it out , least we be laughd to scorne , Good wits are worthy to haue charges borne .

A Gull . One wittily describ'd a Gull , In different sort and kinde , and to the life doth paint a fop , For eyes that are not blinde , His first Gull feares a silken wench , Her veluet gowne doth scare him , Another weares a siluer hilt ; Yet euery boy will dare him ; Next commeth fashions Iack-an-apes A Gull compos'd of pride , That hath his goodnes in good cloathes , And nothing good beside . And lastly hee 's a Gull of Guls , That makes an outward seeming , Yet hath not one poore ounce of wit , That 's worth wise mens esteeming , But vnto these let 's ad a Gul , That 's very late found out , Will spend his liuing , land , & wealth , To finde conclusions out , Heel 'e make you bread of pompion seedes , Shall far excell all wheat , And with a kinde of burning glasse , In Sunne , roast any meat , Heel 'e teach an ape to speake good french , Iacke-daw to write and read , And has a tricke to vse a Cat , That she shall Ferrets breede , Yet these are all inferiour things , To those his wit hath found , Such secrets neuer were disclos'd , Vpon this earthly ground , For shortly he intends to flie , One wing is almost made , To put downe simple Dedalus , He doth himselfe perswade . But see how wise ingenious men , Do often ouer-slip ! A craftier knaue then he ( of late ) Had got him on the hip , Which sould him a familier sprite , A Deuill in a box , An artificiall flie of silke , ( A deuill with a pox ) For this my Gull giues twenty pound , ( Would I might sell him flies ) But he should learne besides forsooth , To make a deuill rise , This was allowed to the match , And he must fall to charme , So both against the pointed day , Themselues for spirits arme , The Gull gets on a surplis , With a crosse vpon his breast , Like Allen playing Faustus , In that manner he was drest : And hauing all his furniture , He steps into the ring , Saies his instructor stir not out , I must goe fetch a thing Is left belowe , I needes must haue So out of dore he hies , Vnto an officer hard by , Saying sir in any wise , Come with all expedition , I will bring you to a place , Where a most wicked creature is , A wretch that wanteth grace , Raising of deuills , which you know , The law dooth straight forbid , The action is so horrible , I durst not keep it hid , The officer in all the hast , Vnto the house repaires , And his director wills him goe , Directly vp the staires : Meane while , ●●mselfe slips cleane away , The Constable comes in : And in the Kings name chargeth him , To ceasse his hellish sin , Art thou a raysing deuils heere , I charge thee to obay me , Quoth Gull , if I should stir a foote , Ten thousand spirits would slay me , Keepe out my circle , come not neare , Say you faire warning haue , Depart before the Deuill comes , Least hell be made thy graue , I le raise the ghost of Hercules , Shall braine thee with his club , Dost thou not see a smoake appeare ? Why now comes Belzebub , I coniure thee be gone I say , Depart by Fee , Fa , Fum : Now Rago , Crago is at hand , Look wher his hornes do come . The officer imagining , He saw something arise , Ran downe the staires halfe mad with feare , And helpe , clubs , halberds cries : So apprehended him presently , And carries him away , Vnto a Iustice , where the foole Had not a word to say , But onely that he ment no harme , And would a deuill see , Why quoth the Maiestrate , thou shalt , I 'le send thee where they be , Incarnate deuils , such as do Assume a humane shape : To newgate with him presently , For playing Plutoes ape , where when he came he found the knaue That taught him coniuration , Villain ( quoth he ) base rogue and slaue , Is this your charming fashion ? To cousen me of twenty pounds , And bring me heere to hell ? Kinde Gentleman ( saide he ) forbeare , I l'e recompence you well , Of purpose I haue met you heere , Because you shall see arte , To morrow by a spirits helpe , We both from hence will part . And all things I haue promis'd you , Shall be performd at full , So next day got himselfe releas'd , And there leaues goodman Gull .

A Cuckold . A Cittie wanton full of pride and lust , Of Venus straine and disposition iust , That could her husband on the fore-head strike , And make his browe to swell Acteon like , Yet he poore seely man , ne're felt it smart , But tooke al kinde that came from his sweet-heart , Had two choise friends to sport herselfe withal , Two cousens , you may cuckould-makers call : The one a Captaine and a martiall wight , Was champion in his mistris cause to fight , And for the seruice that he did by day , She did reward him with a nightly pay . The other was a courtier gallant , braue , That great content to her sweet person gaue : Her deere Adonis , quick and pleasant witted , With these , the vertuous cittizen was fitted : To them she gaue kinde entertainement still , Hauing a maid sorted vnto her will , Which for the seruice she did much applaud , Being her mistris craftie cunning baud , A trusty messenger from each to other , Who for her paines got mony , and the tother They call good turne , which Betteris would not leese , Because her seruice did deserue such fees The courtier one time hauing vnderstood , By cuckolds absence , how the time was good , To goe a grafting , hyes him to the place , Where he might giue loues mistris , loues embrace . while he was in his courtly complements ▪ The maid comes in , and heauy newes presents , Saying the captaine was a comming in , Which to the courtier euer foe had bin , For they bare hatred of a iealous spite , And each had vowd where e're they met , to fight , Oh loue ( quoth she ) creep vnderneath the bed , This is no fighting place , sweet hide thy hed , For loue of christ keep you vnseene asunder , Well for this time ( quoth he ) I will creepe vnder , Because thy name in question shall not bee , Else would I dye on him for loue of thee . So vp comes Captaine and he falles to court , With speach befitting Mars and Venus sport , Kinde loue quoth he now Vulcan is not heere , I 'le claime the rites befitting loue my deere , Had I the courtier heere lou'd thee before , While we were busie he should keepe the dore , Or I would make incission in his guts , And carue his carcasse full of wounds and cuts , With that , the maide againe comes vp the staires Crying deere mistris now begins our cares , My maisters comming what shift wil you make ▪ Now hold out wit , t' is for our credits sake : Captaine ( quoth shee ) to rid all doubt and feare , Vnto my counsell lend a willing eare , Put but in practise what I shall aduise , And on my life no preiudice wil rise , Draw out your weapon , & goe swearing downe Looke terrible , ( I need not teach you frowne ) And vow you 'l be reueng'd some other time And then leaue mee , to make the reason rime , I will sayes he , so downe apace he goes : with Rapier drawne , such fearful lookes he showes The cuckold trembles to behould the sight And vp he comes as he had met some sprite ▪ Ah wife ( said he ) what creature did I meete ? Hath he done any harme to thee my sweete ? A verier ruffian I did neuer see , The sight of him almost distracted me . My louing husband as I heere sat sowing , Thinking no harme or any euill knowing , A Gentleman came vp the staires amaine , Crying , oh helpe me or I shall be slaine , I of compassion husband ( life is deere ) Vnder our bed in pittie hid him heere , His foe sought for him with his rapier drawne : While I with teares did wash this peece of lawne , But when he saw he could not finde him out , ( After he tossed all my things about ) He went down swaggering euen as you met him , My sauing the poore man so much did fret him . A blessed deede ( quoth he ) it prooues thee wise , Alas the gentleman vneasie lies , Wife call him foorth , I hope all danger 's past , Good Bettris looke that all the dores be fast . Sir you are welcome to my house I vow , I ioy it is your Sanctuary now , And count my selfe most happy in the thing , That such good fortune did you heather bring , Sir ( said the courtier ) hearty thanks I giue , I will requite your kindenes if I liue , But know not how to gratifie your wife , For this great fauour sauing of my life : Yet Gentlewoman this assurance take , Some satisfaction I in part will make , If not in whole , accept a willing minde , That vowes to honour al your sexe and kinde : More louing far in heart then men you be , Extending your affections bounteous free , Most affable and pittifull by nature , The worlds euen supreame all excelling creature Fond men vniustly do abuse your names , With slaundrous speeches and most false defames , They lye , and raile , and Enuies poyson spit But those are mad-men that doe offer it , They that inioy their wit and perfect sence , wil hate the hart should breed a thoughts offence Accounting it a womans greater honour , To haue a senceles foole exclaime vpon her , Farwell my lifes protector , health attend thee , With what I haue , I euer will befriend thee .

Signieur word-monger the Ape of Eloquence . AS on the way I Itnerated , A Rurall person I Obuiated , Interogating times Transitation , And of the passage Demonstration , My aprehension did Ingenious-scan , That he was meerely a Simplitian : So when I saw he was Extrauagant , Vnto the obscure vulgar Consonant : I bad him vanish most Promiscuously , And not Contaminate my company .

Craft cousens couetousnes . A Greedy minded gripple Clearke , Had gatherd store of gould , And studied for a place secure His hoorded heap to hould , At length into a ancient toombe , He put an yron chest , Cram'd full of coyne , and wrote thereon These words , Hic Deus est . A subtil Sexton seeing it , And greedy of the pray , Came very secret in the night , And tooke the gould away , Then blotting out those latten words , The Priest had writ thereon , Wrote Resurrexit , non est hic , Your God is risen and gon ,

A cowards hould chalenge that was beaten with a broome-staffe . WHereas of late thou didst prouoke mine ire , To burne in choler like mount Aetnaes fire , Rowsing my courage forth of valours den , To fight with monsters , and to combat men , Know I am for thee , from the cannon-shot Vnto the smallest bodkin can be got , Name any weapon whatsoe're thou wilt , May-pole , or ship-mast for to run a tilt , On horse or foote , in armor or in shirt , Thou shalt finde me true valorous expert , Pike-staffe and Pistoll , Musket , two-hand sword , Or any weapon Europe can afford , Let fauchon , Polax , Launce , or Halbert try , With Flemings-kniues either to steake or snye , I l'e meete thee naked to the very skin , And stab with pen-kniues Caesars wounds therin . At length this Gull that seemd of tongue so tall , Was by his aduersary met withall : Whose blowes the champions fury did allay , And with a sticke , his rapier tooke away .

The Deuils health-drinker . WHo dares dispraise Tobacco , While the smoke is in my nose ? Or say but fogh my pipe dooth smell , I would I knew but those Durst offer such indignitie , To that which I preferre , For all the broode of Black-a-moores , Will sweare I doe not erre , In taking this same worthy whiffe What valiant caueleere , That will not make his nostrils smoke , At cups of wine and beere ? When as my purse cannot affoord My stomacke flesh or fish , I sup with smoke and feede aswell And fat , as one can wish . Come into any company , Though not a crosse you haue , Yet offer them Tobacco , And their liquor you shall haue . They say old hospitalitie Kept chimnies smoaking still , Now what our chimnies want of that , Our smoaking noses will . Much victuals serue , for gluttony , To fatten men like swine , But hee 's a frugall man indeed , That with a leafe can dine . And needes no napkin for his hands , His fingers ends to wipe , But keepes his kitchin in a box , And rost-meat in a pipe . This is the way to helpe deere yeares , A meale a day 's inough , Take out Tobacco for the rest , By pipe or else in snuffe , And you shall finde it phisicall , Within a yeare will shrinke so small , That one his guts may span , T is full of phisicke , rare effects It worketh sundry waies , The leafe greene , dry , steept , burnd , the dust Haue each their speciall praise , It makes some sober that are drunke , Some drunke of sober sence , And all the moisture ( hurts the braine ) It fetcheth smoaking thence : All the foure Elements vnite , When you Tobacco take , For Earth and Water , Aire and Fire , Do a coniunction make , Your pipe is Earth , the fires therein , The Aire your breathing smoke , Good liquor must be present too , For feare you chance to choake . Heere Gentlemen a health t' ee all , T' is passing good and strong , I would speake more , but from the pipe I cannot stay so long . AT Gads-hill late ( where men are theeuish crost ) An honest friend , his purse with ten pounds lost , And as the villains , were new gone away , Three horsmen came , to whome the man did say Oh gentlemen , most happy all you be , To scape two theeues , euen now haue robed me , t' was great good fortune that til now you staide , Nay frind ( qd. they ) thou art deceiu'd they say'd , The theeues were happie as the matter stands : For by our stay , they haue escaped our hands . Hipocrisie , thou lying knaue well met , I haue thee Rascall in my paper net , Thou that wilt sell saluation for a shilling , And entertaine thine owne damnation willing , Thou goest about with many a lie and fable , To get thy dyet at anothers table . Yet louest no man , be he small or greate , Thy loue extends no farther then his meate ▪ But villaine , take this guerdon for thy hyer , Be first of all approou'd a common lyer , Then for each time thy cursed tongue hath tript , Be thou from great mens houses soundly whipt . And last of all , when God and men detest thee , A Hempen halter with a noose molest thee .

A shee-deuill made tame by a Smith . A Smug of Vulcan forging trade Besmoak'd with sea cole fire , The rarest man to help a horse That Carmen could desire , For any Iade he phisicke had , That euer load did draw : The apoplexie , falling euill , The head-ache , crampe or haw , Poll-euill , canker in the eye , Or vlcer in the nose : The lampasse , crest-fall , withers greife The nauill-gall : all those with diuers teadious to rehearse , Crowne-scab , and quitter-bone Strangulion , glaunders , yellowes , wormes , Smug would giue ground to none , Yet this rare smith to cure one plague That vext him , was too young , ( Which made him weary of his life ) It was his wiues curst tongue . If to the ale house he had gon , To take or giue a pot , Being of a dry complexion , ( For a Smith you know is hot ) His wife was present at his heeles , And rong him out this peale : Rogue , rascall , villain , theefe , & slaue , ( Her almes thus would she deale ) Come home thou drunkard to thy worke , Each knaue hath thee at becke , A pox take such a husband , And the Deuill breake thy necke : Thou sittest at the ale-house heere , While I at home do spare : Not caring so thy guts be full , How thy poore wife doth fare . Thy seruants do euen what they list , Thy children they may starue , Hanging 's to good for such a rogue , Farre worse thou doest deserue , Out filthy beast I loath thy lookes , And hate thee like a toad : Drunke e'ry day vngodly wretch , And when thou hast thy load , Call for Tobacco , that thou art As blacke within as soote : Before the Lord , wer 't not for shame , I 'de stampe thee vnder foote : Get thee to worke : out villaine out , Thou drinkst not one drop more , I would these whores that trust such knaues , Might ne're be paid their score , They neuer knew what sorrowe ment , But griefes to others giue , A mischiefe light on Hostesses , That doe by drunkards liue . This was her daily kindest phrase , From morning vntill night , That Smug would tremble like a leafe , When she appear'd in sight . At length more wearied with her tongue , Then trauell tires a iade , Vnto himselfe most resolute , A cruell vow he made , Which was , when she did scould againe , ( Which sure would be next morowe ) To knocke her downe most valiantly , And make an end of sorowe , This being decreed , his wife next day Begins a fresh alarme , Wth rogue and theefe : Smug takes a barre Of Iron , breakes her arme . The neighbors all admire at this , To heare the patient Smith , Had broake an arme of his curst wife , To tame her tongue therewith . Wel there 's a surgeon fetcht in hast , To take the queane in cure , Who for the space of many months Did extreame paine indure For of all flesh , ash rowes , they say , Is very hard to heale : Therefore no wiseman willingly Will haue therewith to deale . But cur'd at length ( though long before ) And like to cost her life , The Smith did aske the Surgeon , In the hearing of his wife , What would content him for his paines ? Who of an honnest minde , Did answere thus , I see y' are poore , Therefore I 'le vse you kinde , I 'le take but fortie shillings friend , With that I 'le be content : Why then quoth Smug hould heere 's foure pound Which paiment thus is ment , One arme I pay for hath bene broke , And tother forty , hould Against I breake her other arme , The next time she doth scould . His wife heares this , and sees him pay Before hand for a cure , Doth liue most gentle , quiet , meeke , Guiding her tongue so sure , That Smug became a happy Smith , Vnto his hearts desire , And had her euer at commaund , In all he could require .

The knaue of Clubs his part hath plaide , But now we want Hart , Diamond , Spade , To shew themselues like in true shape . The reason why they do escape Is this : of late they fell at iarre , Disperst asunder very farre , Hearts in the country at new-cut , And Spades in new-gate safe is shut And Diamonds he is gon to seas , Sicke of the scuruy : which disease If he escape , and get on shore , We will present you with al foure , And make them march vnto the presse , To vtter all their roguishnes , So till they be together drawne , Pray keepe the Knaue of Clubs in pawne .

FINIS .