The lettin[g] of humours blood in the head-vaine with a new morissco, daunced by seauen satyres, vpon the bottome of Diog[e?]nes tubbe.

THE LETTING OF HVMOVRS BLOOD IN THE HEAD-VAINE .

With a new Morissco , daunced by seauen Satyres , vpon the bottome of Diogines Tubbe .

AT LONDON , Printed by W. White for W. F. 1600.

TO THE GENTLEMEN READERS . HVmours , is late crown'd king of Caualeeres . Fantastique-follies , grac'd with common fauour : Ciuilitie , hath serued out his yeeres , And scorreth now to waight on Good behauour . Gallants , like Richard the vsurper , swagger , That had his hand continuall on his dagger . Fashions is still consort with new fond shapes , And feedeth dayly vpon strange disguise : We shew our selues the imitating Apes Of all the toyes that Strangers heades deuise : For ther 's no habite of hell-hatched sinne , That we delight not to be clothed in . Some sweare , as though they Stars from heauen could pull ▪ And all their speach is poynted with the stabbe , When all men know it is some coward gull , That is but champion to a Shorditch drabbe : Whose feather is his heades lightnes-proclaymer , Although he seeme some mightie monster tamer . Epicurisme cares not how he liues , But still pursueth brutish Appetite . Disdaine , regardes not what abuse he giues ; Carelesse of wronges , and vnregarding right . Selfe-loue , ( they say ) to selfe-conceite is wed , By which base match are vgly vices bred . Pride , reuels like the roysting Pródigall ; Stretching his credite that his pursse strin●● cracke , Untill in some distresfull Iayle he fall , Which wore of late a Lordship on his backe : Where he till death must he for debt , " Griefes night is neare , when pleasures sunne is set , Vaunting , hath got a mightie thundring voyce , Looking that all men should applaude his sounde : His deedes are singuler , his wordes be choyce ; On earth his equall is not to be founde . Thus Vertu 's hid with Follies iuggling mist , And hee 's no man , that is no Humourist . S. R.

TO POETS . GOod honest Poets , let me craue a boone , That you would write , I do not are how soone , Against the bastard humours howerly bred , In euery mad brain'd wit-worne giddie head : At such grosse follies do not sit and wincke , Belabour these same Gulles with pen and incke . You see some striue for faire hand-writing fame , As Peeter Bales his signe can proue the same , P. B. by writing won a golden Penne. Gracing his credite with a golden Pen : I would haue Poets proue more taller men : In perfect Letters rested his contention , But yours consist's in Wits choyce rare inuention . Will you stand spending your inuentions treasure , To teach Stage parrats speake for pennie pleasure , While you your selues like musicke sounding Lutes fretted and strunge , gaine them their silken sutes . Leaue Cupids cut , Womens face flatt'ring praise , Loues subiect growes too thredbare now adayes . Change Venus Swannes , to write of Vulcans Geese , And you shall merite Golden Pennes a peece . FINIS .

EPIGRAMS . Mirth pleaseth some ; to others ti 's offence : Some wish t' haue follies tolde ; some dislike that : Some commend plaine conceites , some profound sence And most would haue , themselues know not what . Then he that would please all , and him selfe too , Takes more in hand , then he is like to doo .

EPIG. 1. MOnsieur Domingo is a skilfull man , For much experience he hath lately got , Prouing more Phisick in an Alehouse ca● Then may be found in any Vinthers pot . Beere he protestes is sodden and refin'd , But this he speakes being single penny lyn'd . For when his purse is swolne dut six-pence bigg Why then he sweares ; now by the Lorde I think All Beere in Furope is not worth a figge . A cuppe of Claret is the onely drinke . And thus his praise from Beere to Wine doth go Euen as his Purse in pence doth ebbe and flowe .

EPIG. 2. BOREAS . HAng him base gull ; I le stabbe him by the Lord , If he presume to speake but halfe a word : ●e paunch the villaine with my Rapiers poynt , ●r heaw him with my Fauchion ioynt by ioynt . Through both his cheeks my Poniard he shal haue ●r Mince-pie-like I le mangle out the slaue . ●ske who I am , you whorson frise-gowne patch ? ●all me before the Counstable , or Watch ? ●annot a Captaine walke the Queenes high-way ? ●vones , who de speake to ? know ye villains , ha ? ●ou drunken pessants , run's your tongs on wheeles ? ●ong you to see your guttes about your heeles ▪ ●oest loue me Tym ? let go my Rapier then , ●erswade me not from killing nine or ten : ●are no more to kill them in braueado , ●hen for to drinke a pipe of Trinedado . ●ly minde to patience neuer will restore-me , ●ntill their blood do gush in streames before-me , ●hus doth Sir Launcelot in his drunken stagger , ●●eare , curse & raile , threaten , protest , & swagger ●ut being next day to sober answere brought , ●e's not the man can breede so base a thought .

EPIG. 3. When Thraso meets his friend , he sweares by God , Vnto his Chamber he shall welcome be : Not that hee 'le cloy him there with rost or sod , Such vulgar diet with Cookes shops agree : But hee 'le present most kinde , exceeding franke , The best Tabacco , that he euer dranke . Such as himselfe did make a voyage for , And with his owne hands gatherd from the ground All that which other fetch he doth abhor , His , grew vpon an Iland neuer found , Oh rare compound , a dying horse to choke , Of English fier , and of India smoke .

EPIG. 4. Who seekes to please all men each way , And not himselfe offende , He may begin his worke to day , But God knowes when hee 'le end .

EPIG. 5. Alas Delfridus keepes his bed God knowes , Which is a signe his worship 's verie ill ; His griefe beyond the grounds of Phisicke goes , No Doctor that comes neere it with his skill , Yet doth he eate , drinke , talke , and sleepe profoun● Seeming to all mens Iudgments healthfull sound . Then gesse the cause he thus to bed is drawne , What ? thinke you so ; may such a hap procure it ? Well ; faith t is true , his hose are out at pawne , A Breetchlesse chaunce is come , he must indure it His hose to Brokers Iayle committed are , His singuler , and onely , Veluet paire .

EPIG. 6. Diogines oneday through Athens went , With burning Torch in Sun-shine : his intent Was ( as he said ) some honest man to finde : ●or such were rare to meete , or he was blinde . ●ne late , might haue done wel like light t' haue got ●hat sought his wife ; met her , and knew her not : ●ut stay , cry mercy , she had on her maske , ●ow could his eyes performe their spying taske ? ●is verie true , t' was hard for him to doo , ●y Sunne , and Torch ; let him take Lant-horne too .

EPIG. 7. Speake Gentlemen , what shall we do to day ? Drinke some braue health vpon the Dutch carous Or shall we to the Globe and see a Play ? Or visit Shorditch for a bawdie house ? Let s call for Cardes or Dice , and haue a Game , To sit thus idle , is both sinne and shame . This speakes Sir Reuell , furnisht out with fashion , From dish-crownd Hat , vnto the Shoo 's square to That haunts a Whore-house but for recreation , Playes but at Dice to conny catch or so . Drinkes drunke in kindnes , for good fellowship . Or to Play goes but some Purse to nip .

EPIG. 8. Sir gall-Iade , is a Horse man e'ry day , His Bootes and Spurres and Legges do neuer part ; He rides a horse as passing cleane away , As any that goes Tyburne-warde by cart . Yet honestly he payes for hacknyes hyer , But hang them Iades , he sell's them when they tire . He liues not like Diogines on Rootes , But proues a Mince-pie guest vnto his Host . He scornes to walke in Paules without his Bootes , And scores his diet on the Vitlers post : And when he knowes not where to haue his dinner He fastes , and sweares , A glutton is a sinner .

EPIG. 9. Drudo . This Gentleman hath serued long in Fraunce , And is returned filthy full of French , In single combat , being hurt by chaunce , As he was closely foyling at a Wench : Yet hot alarmes he hath endur'd good store , But neuer in like pockie heate before . He had no sooner drawne and ventred ny-her , Intending only but to haue about , When she his Flaske and Touch-boxe set on fier , And till this hower the burning is not out . Iudge , was not valour in this Martiall wight , That with a spit-fir Serpent so durst fight .

EPIG. 10. In Meritricem . FAyth Gentleman , you moue me to offence . In comming to me with vnchast pretence . Haue I the lookes of a lasciuious Dame ? That you should deeme me fit for wantons game ? I am not she will take lustes sinne vpon her , He rather die , then dimme chast glorious honor . Tempt not mine eares ; an grace of Christ I meane To keepe my honest reputation cleane : My hearing lets no such lewd sound come in , My senses loath to surfet on sweet sinne , Reuerse your minde , that goes from grace astray , And God forgiue you , with my hart I pray . The Gallant notes her words , obserues her frowns Then drawes his purse , & lets her view his crowns Vowing that if her kindnes graunt him pleasure , She shall be Mistris to command his treasure . The stormes are calm'd , the gust is ouer-blowne , And she replies with : Yours or not her owne . Desiring him to censure for the best , T wa's but her tricke to try if men do iest : Her loue is lock'd where he may picke the trunck Let Singer iudge if this be not a puncke .

EPIG. 11. Pollitique Peeter meetes his friend a shore , That came from Seas but newly tother day : And giues him French embracements by the score Then folowes : Dicke , Hast made good voyage , say ? But hearing Richards shares be poore and sicke , Peeter ha's haste , and cannot drinke with Dicke . Well , then he meetes an other Caualeere , Whom he salutes about the Knees and Thighes : welcome sweet Iames , now by the Lord what cheere Ne're better Peeter , We haue got rich prize . Come , come ( sayes Peeter ) eu'en a welcome quart , For by my fayth , wee le drinke before wee part :

Or thus :

Fayth-we must drinke , that 's flat , before we part .

EPIG. 12. Fine Phillip comes vnto the Barbers shopp , Wheer 's nittie lockes must suffer reformation . The Chayre and Cushion entertaine his sloppe : The Barber craues to know his worships fashion . His will is shauen ; for his beard is thin , It was so lately banish'd from his chinne . But shauing oft will helpe it , he doth hope , And therefore for the smooth-face cut he calles : Then , fie ; these cloathes are washt with common sope . Why dost thou vse such ordinary balles ? I scorne this common trimming like a Boore , Yet with his hart he loues a common whoore .

EPIG. 13. Signieur Fantasticke . I scorne to meete an enemie in fielde , Except he be a Souldier : ( by this light ) I likewise scorne , my reason for to yeelde : Yea further , I do well nigh scorne to fight . Moreouer , I do scorne to be so vaine , To draw my Rapier , and put vp againe . I eke do scorne to walke without my man , Yea , and I scorne good morrow and good deane : I also scorne to touch an Ale-house cann , Thereto I scorne an ordinarie Queane . Thus doth he scorne , disdainfull , proude , and grim , All but the Foole onely , he scornes not him ,

EPIG. 14. Some do account it golden lucke , They may be Widdow-sped for mucke , Boyes on whose chinnes no downe appeares , Marry olde Croanes of threescore yeares : But they are fooles to Widdowes cleaue , Let them take that which Maydes do leaue .

EPIG. 15. Amorous Austin spendes much Balletting , In rimeing Letters , and loue Sonnetting . She that loues him , his Ynckehorne shall be paint her , And with all Uenus tytles hee 'le acquaint her : Vowing she is a perfect Angell right , When she by waight is many graines too light : Nay all that do but touch her with the stone , Will be depos'd that Angell she is none . How can he proue her for an Angell them ? That proues her selfe a Diuell , tempting men , And draweth many to the fierie pit , Where they are burned for their en'tring it . I know no cause wherefore he tearmes her so , Vnlesse he meanes shee 's one of them below , Where Lucifer , chiefe Prince doth domineere : If she be such , then good my hartes stand cleere , Come not within the compasse of her flight , For such as do , are haunted with a spright . This Angell is not noted by her winges , But by her tayle , as full of prickes and stinges . And know this lustblind Louer 's vaine is led , To prayse his Diuell , in an Angels sted .

EPIG. 16. Gallus will haus no Barbour prune his beard , Yet is his chin cleane shauen and vnh'ear'd . How comes he trimmed , you may aske me than ? His Wenches do it with their warming-pan .

EPIG. 17. When Caualero Rake-hell is to rise Out of his bed , he capers light and heddy . Then wounds he sweares : you arant whore he cries Why what 's the cause that breakfast is not reddy ? Can men feede like Camelions , on the ayre ? This is the manner of his morning prayer . Well , he sweares on , vntill his breakfast comes , And then with teeth he falles to worke a pace : Leauing his boy a banquet all of crummes . Dispatch you Roague : my Rapier , that s his grace . So foorth he walkes , his stomacke must goe shift , To dine and suppe abroad , by deed of guift .

EPIG. 18. A wofull exclamation late I heard , Wherewith Tabacco takers may be feard : One at the poynt with pipe and leafe to part , Did vow Tabacco worse then death's blacke dart : And prou'd it thus You know ( quoth he ) my friends Death onely stabbes the hart , and so life endes : But this same poyson , steeped India weede , In head , hart , lunges , doth soote & copwebs breede . With that he gasp'd , and breath'd out such a smoke That all the standers by were like to choke .

EPIG. 19. Cacus would gladly drinke , but wants his purse , Nay wanteth money , which is ten times worse : For as he vowes himselfe , he hath not seene In three dayes space the picture of the Queene . Yet if he meete a friend neare Tauerne signe , Straight he intreates him take a pint of Wine : For he will giue it , that he will , no nay . What will he giue ? the other leaue to pay . He calleth : Boy , fill vs the tother quart , I will bestow it euen with all my hart . Then doth he diue into his sloppes profound , Where not a poore Port-cullice can be found . Meane while his frind discharges all the Wine : Stay , stay ( quoth he ) or well , next shal be mine .

EPIG. 02. Francke in name , and Francke by nature , Frauncis is a most kind creature : Her selfe hath suffered many a fall , ●n striuing how to pleasurs all .

EPIG. 21. Soto can proue , such as are drunke by noone , Are long-liu'd men ; the pox he can as soone . Nay , heare his reason ere you do condemne , And if you finde it foolish , hisse and hemme . He sayes , Good blood is euen the life of man ; I graunt him that : ( say you ) well go-to than . More drinke , the more good blood ▪ O that s a lie ; The more you drinke , the sooner drunke , say I. Now he protestes you do him mightie wrong , Swearing a man in drinke , is three men strong : And he will pawne his head against a pennie , One right madd drunke , wil brawle and fight with anie . Well , you reply ▪ that argument is weake , How can a drunkard brawle , that cannot speake ? Or how can he vse weapon in his hand . Which can not guide his feete to goe or stande ? Harke what an oath the drunken slaue doth sweare He is a man by that , a man may heare . And when you see him stagger , reele , and winke , He is a man and more ; I by this drinke .

EPIG. 22. When signeur Sacke & Suger drinke droun'd reeles , He vowes to heaw the spur's from 's fellows heeles When calling for a quart of Charnico , ●nto a louing league they present grow : Then instantly vpon a cuppe or twaine , Out Poniards goe , and to the stabbe againe . ●rendes vpon that , they drinke and so imbrace : Straight bandy Daggers at each others face . This is the humour of a madd drunke foole , ●n Tauerne pots that keepes his Fenceing-schole .

EPIG. 23. Cornutus was exceeding sicke and ill , Pain'd as it seemed chiefly in his hed : He cal'd his friends , meaning to make his will , Who found him drunke , with hose & shooes a bed To whom he sayd : Oh good my Maisters see , Drinke with his dart hath all be stabbed me . I here bequeath , if I do chaunce to die , To you kinde friendes , and bon companions all , A pound of good Tabacco , sweete and dry , To drinke amongst you , at my funerall : Besides , a barrell of the best strong Beere , And Pickle-herrings , for to domineere .

EPIG. 24. We men , in many faultes abound , But two in women can be found : The worst that from their sex proceedes , Is naught in wordes , and naught in deedes .

EPIG. 25. Bid me go sleepe ? I scorne it with my heeles , I know my selfe as good a man as thee . Let go mine Arme I say , lead him that reeles , I am a right good fellow ; dost thou see ? I know what longes to drinking , and I can Abuse my selfe as well as any man . I care no more for twentie hundred pound , ( Before the Lord ) then for a very straw . I le fight with any he aboue the ground . Tut , tell not me what s what ; I know the law . Rapier and Dagger : hey , a kingly fight . I le now try falls with any , by this light .

EPIG. 26. Behold , a most accomplish'd Caualeere , That the world's Ape of fashions doth appeare , Walking the streetes , his humors to disclose , In the French Doublet , and the Germane hose : The Muffes cloake , Spanish Hat , Toledo blade . Italian ruffe , a Shooe right Flemish made , Like Lord of Misrule , where he comes hee 'le reuel● And lie for wagers with the lying'st diuell .

Epig. 27. Aske Humors why a Feather he doth weare ? It is his humor ( by the Lord ) hee le sweare . Or what he doth with such a Horse-taile locke ? Or why vpon a Whoore he spendes his stocke ? He hath a Humor doth determine so . Why in the stop-throate fashion doth he go , With Scarfe about his necke ? Hat without band ? It is his humor , sweete sir vnderstand . What cause his Purse is so extreame distrest , That often times t' is scarcely penny blest ? Onely a Humor : If you question why ? His tongue is nere vnfurnish'd with a lye : It is his Humor too he doth protest . Or why with Serjants he is so opprest , That like to Ghostes they haunt him erie day ? A rascall Humor , doth not loue to pay . Obiect , why Bootes and Spurres are still in season ? His Humor answeres ; Humor is his reason . If you perceiue his wittes in wetting shrunke , It commeth of a humor , to be drunke . When you behold his lookes pale , thin , and poore , Th' occasion is , his Humor , and a Whoore : And euery thing that he doth vndertake , It is a vaine , for sencelesse Humors sake .

EPIG. 28. Three high-way standers , hauing cros-lesse cursse , Did greet my friend with , Sir giue vs your pursse , Though he were true-man , they agreed in one : For pursse & coyne betwixt them foure was none .

EPIG. 29. A Gentlewoman of the dealing trade , Procur'd her owne sweete Picture to be made : Which being done , she from her word did slippe , And would not pay full due 〈…〉 manshippe . The Painter swore she ne●● 〈…〉 haue it so , She bade him keepe it , and 〈…〉 go . He chollericke , and might 〈…〉 content , Straight tooke his Pencell and to worke he went : Making the Dogge she helde , a grim Cattes face , And hung it in his shoppe to her disgrace , Some of her friendes that saw it to her went , In iesting maner , as king what she ment , To haue her picture hang where gazers swarme , Holding a filthy Catte within her arme ? She in a shamefull heate in haste did hie , The Painter to content and satisfie : Right glad to giue a French Crowne for his paine To turne her Catte into a Dogge againe .

EPIG. 30. When Tarlton clown'd it in a pleasant vaine With conceites did good opinions gaine Vpon the stage , his merry humours shop . Clownes knew the Clowne , by his great clownish slop But now th' are gull'd , for present fashion sayes , Dicke Tarltons part , Gentlemens breeches plaies : In euery streete where any Gallant goes , The swagg'ring Sloppe , is Tarltons clownish hose .

EPIG. 31. To Lutius . One newly practiz'd in Astronomie , That neuer dealt in weather witt before : Would scrape ( forsooth ) acquaintance of the skie . And by his art , go knocke at heauen dore , Meane while a Scholler in his studie slippes , And taught his Wife skill in the Moones eclippes . Next night that friend perswades him walke alone Into the field , to gather starres that fell : To mix them with Philosophers rare stone That begets gold : he likt the motion well , And went to watch , where starres dropt very thin , But raine so shour'd , it wet his foole-case skin .

EPIG. 32. What gallant 's that whose oaths flie through mine eares ? How like a lord of Plut●es court he sweares How braue in such a baudie house he fought , How rich his emptie purse is outside wrought , How Duchman-like he swallows down his drinke How sweete he takes Tabacco till he stinke : How loftie sprited he disdaines a Boore , How faythfull harted he is to a ( ) How cocke-taile proude he doth his head a duance How rare his spurres do ring the morris-daunce . Now I protest , by Mistris Susans fanne , He and his boy , will make a proper man .

Epig. 33. Laugh good my Maisters , if you can intend it , For yonder comes a Foole that will defend it : Saw you a verier Asse in all your life , That makes himselfe a pack-horse to his wife ? I would his nose where I could wish , were warme , For carrying Pearle , so prettie vnder 's arme . Pearle his wiues dog , a pretty sweete-fac'd curre , That barkes a nightes at the least fart doth sturre , Is now not well , his cold is scarcely brooke , Therefore good Hisband wrap him in thy cloake : And sweet hart , preethee helpe me to my Maske , Hold Pearle but tender , for he hath the laske . Heere , take my Muffe : & do you heare good man ? Now giue me Pearle , and carry you my Fanne . Alacke poore Pearle , the wretch is full of paine , Hisband take Pearle , giue me my Fanne againe : See how he quakes ; fayth I am like to weepe : Come to me Pearle ; my Scarfe good hisband keepe To be with me I know my Puppie loues . Why Pearle , I say : Hisband take vp my Gloues . Thus goodman Idiot thinkes himselfe an Earle , That he can please his wife , and carry Pearle : But other iudge his state to be no higher , Then a Dogges yeoman , or some pippin Squier .

EPIG. 34. What 's he that fits ●nd takes a nappe , Fac'd like the North wind of a mappe : And sleeping , to the wind doth nod ? T is Bacchus coosen , Bellie-god .

EPIG. 35. Seuerus is extreame in elloquence , In perfum'd wordes , plung'd ouer head and eares , He doth create rare phrase , but rarer sence , Fragments of Latine , all about he beares . Vnto his Seruingman , alias his Boy , He vtters speach exceeding quaint and coy . Deminitiue , and my defectiue slaue , Reach my corpes couerture immediately : My pleasures pleasure is , the same to haue , T'insconce my person from frigiditie . His man beleeues all 's Welch , his Maister spoke , Till he railes English : Roage go fetch my cloke ,

EPIG. 36. Why should the Mercers trade , a Satten sute , With Cookes grease be so wickedly polute ? The reason is , the scandall and defame Grew , that a greasie slouen weares the same .

EPIG. 37. An honest Vicker and a kind consort , That to the Alehouse friendly would resort , To haue a game at Tables now and than , Or drinke his pot as soone as any man . As faire a gamster , and as free from braull , As euer man should need to play withall : Because his hostesse pldg'd him not carouse , Rashly in choller did forsweare her house . Taking the glasse , this was the oath he swore , Now by this drinke , I le nere come hither more But mightely his Hostesse did repent , For all her guestes to the next Alehouse went , Following their Vickers steps in euery thing , He led the parrish euen by a string . At length his auncient Hostesse did complaine , She was vndone , vnlesse he came againe , Desiring certaine friendes of hers and his , To vse a pollecie , which should be this : Because with comming he should not forsweare him , To saue his oath , they on their backes might beare him Of this good course the Vicket well did thinke , And so they allwaies carried him to drinke .

FINIS .

SATYRES . Your Sceane is done , depart you Epigrammes : Enter Goat-footed Satyres , butt like Rammes : Come nimbly foorth , Why stand you on delay ? O-ho , the Musique-tuning makes you stay . Well , friske it out nimbly : you slaues begin , For now me thinkes the Fidlers handes are in .

1. WHo haue we here ? Behold him and be mute , Some mightie man I le warrant by his sute . If all the Mercers in Cheapside shew such , I le giue them leaue to giue me twice asmuch : I thinke the stuffe is namelesse he doth weare , But what so ere it be , it is huge geare . Marke but his gate , and giue him then his due , Some swaggring fellow , I may say to you : It seemes Ambition in his bigge lookes shroudes , Some Centaure sure , begotten of the Cloudes , Now a shame take the buzard , is it he : I know the ruffaine , now his face I see . On a more gull the Sunne did neuer shine , How with a vengance comes the foole so fine ? Some Noble mans cast Sute is fallen vnto him , For buying Hose and Doblet would vndo him . But wote you now , whither the buzard walkes ? I , into Paules for sooth , and there he talkes Of forraine tumults , vttring his aduice , And prouing Warres euen like a game at dice : For this ( sayes he ) as euery gamster knowes , Where one side winnes , the other side must loose Next speach he vtters , is his stomackes care , Which ordinarie yeeldes the cheapest fare : Or if his pursse be out of tune to pay , Then he remembers t is a fasting day : And then he talketh much against excesse , Swearing all other Nations eate farre lesse Then Englishmen ; experience you may get In Fraunce and Spaine ; where he was neuer yet . With a score of Figges and halfe a pint of Wine , Some foure or fine will very hugely dine . Mee thinkes this tale is very huge in sound , That halfe a pint should serue fiue to drinke round And twentie Figges could feed them full and fat : But trauellers may lye ; who knowes not that , Then why not he , that trauels in conceit , From East to West , when he can get no meate ? His Iorney is in Paules in the backe Isles , Wher 's stomacke counts each pace a hundred miles . A tedious thing , though chaunce will haue it such , To trauaile so long baytlesle , sure t is much . Some other time stumbling on wealthy Chuffes , Worth gulling : then he swaggers all in huffes , And tels them of a prize he was at taking Wil be the ship-boyes childrens childrens making : And that a Mouse could finde no roome in holde , It was so pesterd all with pearle and golde : Vowing to pawne his head if it were tride , They had more Rubies then wold paue Cheapsid A thousand other grosse and odious ●ies , He dares auouch to blind dull Iudgements eyes , Not caring what he speake or what he sweare , So he gaine credite at his hearers care . Sometimes into the Royall Exchange hee 'le droppe Clad in the ruines of a Brokers shoppe : And there his tongue runs by as on affaires , No talke but of commodities and wares : And what great wealth he lookes for ery wind , From God knowes where , the place is hard to find . If newes be harkend for , then he preuailes , Setting his mynt a worke to coyne false tales . His tongues-end is betipt with forged chat , Vttring rare lyes to be admired at , Hee le tell you of a tree that he doth know , Vpon the which Rapiers and Daggers grow , As good as Fleetstreete hath in any shoppe , which being ripe , downe into scabbards droppe . He hath a very peece of that same Chaire . In which Caesar was stabb'd : Is it not rare ? He with his feete vpon the stoones did tread , That Sathan brought , & bad Christ make them bread His wondrous trauels challenge such renowne , That Sir Iohn Maundiuell is quite put downe . Men without heades , and Pigmies hand-bredth hie Those with one legge that on their backes do lie , And do the weathers iniurie disdaie , Making their legges a penthouse for the raine : Are tut , and tush : not any thing at all . His knowledge knowes , what no mans notice shall This is a mate vnmeete for euery groome , And where he comes , peace , giue his lying roome He saw a Hollander in Middleborow , As he was flashing of a browne Loafe thorow , Where-to the haste of hunger had inclyn'd him . Cut himselfe through , & two that stood behind him Besides , he saw a fellow put to death , Could drinke a whole Beere barrell at a breath . Oh this is he that will say any thing , That to himselfe may any profite bring . Gainst whosoeuer he doth speake he cares not , For what is it that such a villaine dares not ? And though in conscience he cannot denie , The All-commaunder saith , Thou shalt not lie , Yet will he answere ( carelesse of soules state ) Trueth telling , is a thing obtaineth hate . FINIS .

2. SATYRE . A Man may tell his friend his fault in kindnes : To winke at folly , is a foolish blindnes . God saue you sir , saluteth with a grace , One he could wish neuer to see his face . But doth not he vse meere dissimulation , That 's inside hate , and outside salutation ? Yes as I take it ; yet his answere sayes , Fashions , and Customes , vse it now a dayes . A Gentleman perhaps may chaunce to meete His liuing-griper face to face in streete : And though his lookes are odious vnto sight ; Yet will he doe him the French congés right , And in his hart wish him as low as hell , When in his wordes , hee 's glad to see him well : Then being thus , a man may soone suppose There is , God saue you sir , sometimes twixt foes . Oh sir , why that s as true as you are heere , With one example I will make it cleere , And farre to fetch the same I will not goe , But into Heunds-ditch , to the Brokers row : Or any place where that trade doth remaine , Whether at Holborne Conduit , or Long-lane : If thyther you vouchsafe to turne your eye , And see the Pawnes that vnder forfayte lye , Which are foorth comming sir , and safe enough Sayes good-man Broker , in his new print ruffe : He will not stand too strictly on a day , Encouraging the party to delay ; With all good wordes , the kindest may be spoke , He turnes the Gentleman out of his Cloake . And yet betweene them both , at euery meeting , God saue you sir , is their familiar greeting , This is much kindnesse sure , I pray commend him , With great good words , he highly doth befrend him It is a fauour at a pinch in neede : A pinching friendship , and a pinching deede . The slaue may weare his suites of Sattin so , And like a man of reputation go , When all he hath in house , or on his backe , It is his owne , by forfaytures shipwracke . See you the Brooch that long in s Hat hath bin ? It may be there , it cost him not a pin : His sundry sorts of diuers mens attyre , He weares them cheape , euen at his owne desire . Shame ouer take the pessant for his paine , That he should pray on losses , to his gaine , In drawing Wardrobes vnder his subiection , Being a knaue in manners and complexion , Iumpe like to Vsurie , his nearest kinne ; That weares a money bagge vnder his chinne : A bunch that doth resemble such a shape , And hayred like to Paris garden Ape , Foaming about the chaps like some wilde Boore , As swart and tawnie as an India Moore : With narrow brow , and Squirrell eyes , he showes , His faces chiefest ornament , is nose , Full furnished with many a Clarret staine , As large as any Codpice of a Dane , Embossed curious ; euery eye doth iudge , His lacket faced with motheaten Budge : To which a paire of Satten sleeues he weares , Wherein two pound of greace about he beares . His Spectacles do in a copper case , Hang dangling about his pissing place . His breeches and his hose , and all the rest Are sutable : His gowne ( I meane his best ) Is full of threeds , Intitul'd right threed-bare : But wooll there on is wondrous scant and rare . The welting hath him in no charges stood , Beeing the ruines of a cast French hood . Excesse is sinfull , and he doth defie it , A sparing whorson in attire and diet . Only excesse is lawfull in his Chest , For there he makes a golden Angels nest : And vowes no farder to be found a lender , Then that most pretious mettall doth engender : Begetting dayly more and more encrease , His monyes slaue , till wretched life surcease . This is the Iew alied very neere , vnto the Broker , for they both do beare Vndoubted testimonie of their kinne : A brace of Rascals in a league of sinne . Two filthy Curres that will on no man fawne , Before they tast the sweetnesse of his pawne . And then the slaues will be as kinde forsooth , Not as Kind-hart , in drawing out a tooth : For he doth ease the Patient of his paine , But they disease the Borrower of his gaine . Yet neither of them vse extremitie , They can be villaines euen of charitie . To lend our brother it is meete and fit : Giue him rost meate and beat him with the spit . Vserie sure is requisite and good , And so is Brokeage , rightly vnderstood : But soft a litle , what is he sayes so ? One of the twaine ( vpon my life ) I know . FINIS .

3. SATIRE . OH , let the Gentlewoman haue the wall , I know her well ; t is Mistris , What d' ye call . It should be shee , both by her Maske and Fanne : And yet it should not , by her Seruing-man ; For if mine eyes do not mistake the foole , He is the Vsher of some dauncing Schole , The reason why I do him such suppose , Is this , Mee thinkes he daunceth as he goes . An actiue fellow , though he be but poore , Eyther to vault vpon a Horse , or &c. See you the huge bum Dagger at his backe , To which no Hilt nor Iron he doth lacke . Oh with that blade he keepes the queanes in awe , Brauely behacked , like a two-hand Saw . Stampes on the ground , & byteth both his thumbs Vnlesse he be commaunder where he coms . You damned whores , where are you ? quicke come heere , Dry this Tabacco . Fill a dosen of Beere : Will you be briefe ? or long you to be bang'd ? Hold , take this Match , go light it and be hang'd . Where stay these whores when Gent. do call ? Heer 's no attendaunce ( by the Lord ) at all . Then downe the staires the pots in rage he throws And in a damned vaine of swearing growes , For he will challenge any vnder heau'n , To sweare with him , and giue him sixe at seuen . Oh , he is an accomplish'd Gentleman , And many rare conceited knackes he can ; Which yeeld to him a greater store of gaine , Then iuggling Kings , hey Passe , ledgerdemaine . His witt 's his lyuing : one of quaint deuice , For Bowling-allies , Cockpits , Cardes , or Dice , To those exploytes he euer standes prepar'd : A Villaine excellent at a Bum card . The Knaue of Clubbes he any time can burne , And finde him in his boosome , for his turne . Tut , he hath Cardes for any kind of game , Primero , Saunt , or whatsoeuer name : Make him but dealer , all his fellowes sweares , If you do finde good dealing , take his eares . But come to Dice , why that 's his onely trade , Michell Mum-chaunce , his owne inuention made . He hath a stocke , whereon his lyuing stayes , And they are Fullams , and Bard quarter-trayes : His Langrets , with his Hie men , and his low , Are ready what his pleasure is to throw : His stopt Dice with Quick-siluer neuer misse . He calles for , Come on fiue ; and there it is : Or else hee le haue it with fiue and a reach , Although it cost his necke the Halter stretch . Besides all this same kind of cheating art , The Gentleman hath some good other part , Well seene in Magicke and Astrologie , Flinging a Figure wondrous handsomly , Which if it do not misse , it sure doth hit : Of troth the man hath great store of small witt . And note him wheresoeuer that he goes , His Booke of Characters is in his hose . His dinner he will not presume to take , Ere he aske counsell of an Almanacke . Hee le finde if one prooue false vnto his wife , Onely with Oxe blood , and a rustic knife . He can transforme himselfe vnto an Asse , Shew you the Deuill in a Christall glasse : The Deuill say you ? why I , is that such wonder ? Being consortes , they will not be a sunder . Alcumie in his braines so sure doth settle , He can make golde of any copper kettle ; Within a three weekes space or such a thing , Riches vpon the whole worlde he could bring . But in his owne purse one shall hardly spie it , Witnesse his Hostesse , for a twelue-moneths diet : Who would be glad of golde or siluer either , But sweares by chalke , & post , she can get neither . More , he will teach any to gaine their loue , ●s thus ( saies he ) take me a Turtle Doue , And in an Ouen let her lie and bake ●o dry , that you may poulder of her make ; Which being put into a cup of wine , The wenche that drinkes it will to loue incline : ●nd shall not sleepe in quiet in her bed , Till she be eased of her mayden-head . This is probatum , and it hath bin tride , Or else the cunning man cunningly lide . ● may be so , a lie is not so strange , Perhaps he spake it when the Moone did change And thereupon ( no doubt ) th' occasion sprunge , Vnconstant Luna , ouer rul'd his tongue . Astronomers that traffique with the Skie , By common censure sometimes meete the lie : Although in deede their blame is not so much , When Starres & Plannets faile , & keepe not tutch . And so this fellow with his large profession , That endes his triall in a farre digression : Philosophers bequeathed him their stone , To make gold with , yet can his purse hold none . FINIS .

4. SATIRE . Melflunious , sweete Rose-watred elloquence , Thou that hast hunted Barbarisme hence , And taught the goodman Cobbin at his plow , To be as elloquent as Tullie now : Who nominic ates his Bread and Cheese a name , ( That doth vntrusle the nature of the same ) His stomacke stayer . How d ee like the phrase ? Are Plowmen simple fellowes now a dayes ? Not so my Maisters : What meanes Singer then ? And Pope the Clowne , to speake so Boorish , when They counterfaite the clownes vpon the Stage ? Since Countrey fellowes grow in this same age , To be so quaint in their new printed speech , That cloth will now compare with Veluet breech Let him discourse euen where , and when he dare , Talke nere so Ynk-horne learnedly and rare , Sweare Cloth breech is a pessant ( by the Lord ) Threaten to draw his wrath-venger , his sworde : Tush , Cloth-breech doth deride him with a laugh , And lets him see Bone-baster , that s his staffe : Then tels him brother , friend , or so foorth , heare ye T is not your knitting-needle makes me feare ye . If to ascention you are so declinde , I haue a restitution in my minde : For though your beard do stand so fine mustated , Perhaps your nose may be . Man , I dare challenge thee to throw the sledge , To iumpe or leape ouer a ditch or hedge , To wrastle , play a stooleball , or to runne , To pitch the barre , or to shoote off a gunne , To play at loggets , nine holes , or ten pinnes , To trie it out at foot-ball by the shinnes ; At Ticktacke , Irish , Noddie , Maw , and Ruffe : At hot-cockles , leape-frogge , or blindman-buffe . To drinke halfe pots , or deale at the whole canne : To play at base , or pen-and Ynk-horne sir Ihan : To daunce the Morris , play at barly-breake : At all exploytes a man can thinke or speake : At shoue-groate , venter-poynt , or crosse and pile . Atbeshrow him that 's last at yonder stile , At leaping ore a Midsommer bon-fier , Or at the drawing Dun out of the myer : At any of these , or all these presently , Wagge but your finger , I am for you , I. I scorne ( that am a youngster of our towne ) To let a Bow-bell Cockney put me downe . This is a Gallant farre beyond a Gull , For very valour filles his pockets full . Wit showers vpon him Wisedomes raine in plent For heele be hangd , if any man finde twenty In all their parish , whatsoere they be , Can shew a head so polleticke as he . It was his fathers lucke of late to die Untestate ; he about the Legacie To London came , inquiring all about , How he might finde a Ciuill-villin out , Being vnto a Ciuill Lawyer sent , Pray Sir ( quoth he ) are you the man I meant : That haue a certaine kind of occupation , About dead men , that leaue things out of fashion Death ●ath done that which t'answere he 's not ab My father he is dyed detestable : I being his eldest heire , he did prefer Me Sir , to be his Executioner : And verie breifly my request to finnish , Pray how may I by law , his goods diminnish ? Was this a Clowne ? tell true , or was a none ? You make fatte Clownes , if such as he be one : A man may sweare , if he were vrg'd to it . Foolisher fellowes , haue not so much wit . Oh such as he , are euen the onely men , Loue letters in a Milke-maydes praise to pen : Lines that will worke the curstest sullen shrow , To loue a man whether she will or no. Being most wonderous patheticall , To make Cisse out a cry in loue withall : He scornes that maister Scholemaister shold think He wants his aide in halfe a pen of ynke : All that he doth it commeth euery whit , From natures dry-fat , his owne mother wit .

As thus :

Thou Honnysuckle of the Hawthorne hedge , Vouchsafe in Cupids cuppe my hart to pledge , My hartes deare blood sweete Cis , is thy carouse , Worth all the Ale in Gammer Gubbins house : I say no more , affaires call me away , My Fathers horse for prouender doth stay , Be thou the Lady Cressit-light to mee , Sir Trollelolle I will proue to thee . Written in haste : farewell my Cowslippe sweete , Pray let s a Sunday at the Ale-house meete . FINIS .

5. SATYRE . T Is a bad world , the common speach doth go , And he complaines , that helpes to make it so : Yet euery man th' imputed crime would shunne , Hipocrisie with a fine threed is spunne . Each striues to shew the very best in seeming , Honest enough , if honest in esteeming . Praise waites vpon him now with much renowne That wrappes vp Uices vnder Uertues gowne : Commending with good wordes , religious deede To helpe the poore , supply our neighbours neede Do no man wrong , giue euery man his owne , Be friend to all , and enemie to none ; Haue charitie , auoyde contentious strife , Oft he speakes thus , that nere did good in 's life . Derision hath an ore in euery Boate , In 's Neighbours eie he quickly spies a moate , But the great beame that 's noted in his owne , He let s remaine , and neuer thinkes thereon . Some do report he beares about a sacke , Halfe hanging forwards , halfe behind at 's backet And his owne faultes ( quight out of sight & minde ) He castes into the part that hanges behinde : But other mens , he putteth in before , And into them , he looketh euermore . Contempt comes very neere to th' others vaine , He hates all good deserts with proud disdaine : Rashnesse is his continuall walking mate , Costly apparreld , loftie in his gate : Vp to the eares in double ruffes and startch , God blesse your eiesight when you see him march : ●atutes , and lawes , he dare presume to breake , Against superiors cares not what he speake . ●●● his humours recreation fittes , To beare Counstables , and resist all writtes , ●wearing the ripest wits are childish young ; 〈…〉 lesse they gaine instructions from his tongue . 〈…〉 hers nothing done amongst the very best , ●ut he 'le ●eri●e it with some bitter iest . ●'s meate and drinke vnto him alwayes , when ▪ He may be censuring of other men . If a man do but toward a Tauerne looke , He is a drunkard hee le sweare on a Booke : Or if one part a fray of good intention , He is a quarreller , and loues dissention . Those that with silence vaine discourses breake , Are proud fantasticks , that disdaine to speake . Such as speake soberly with wisedomes leasure , Are fooles , that in affected speach take pleasure , If he heare any that reproueth vice , He sayes , ther s none but hipocrites so nice . No honest woman that can passe along , But must endure some scandall from his tongue . She , deales crosse blowes her husband neuer feeles : This Gentle woman , weareth capering heeles . There minces Mall , to see what youth wil like her , Her eyes do beare her witnesse she 's a striker . Yonder s a wench , new dipt in beauties blaze , She , is a Maide as Maides go now adayes . And thus Contempt makes choisest recreation , In holding euery one in detestation : His common gate is of the ietting size , He hath a paire of euer-staring eyes . And lookes a man so hungry in the face , As he would eate him vp , and neare say grace . A little low cround Hatte he alwayes weares , And Fore-horse-like therein a Feather beares . Goodly curld lockes ; but surely t is great pitty , For want of kembing , they are beastly nitty . Hi● 〈…〉 is a cut cast Satten one , He scornes to buy new now , that nere bought none Spotted in diuers places with pure fat , Knowne for a right tall trencher man by that . His Breeches that came to him by befrending , Are desperate like himselfe , & quite past mending He takes a common course to goe vntrust , Except his Shirt's a washing ; then he must Goe woollward for the time : hee scornes it hee , That worth two Shirts his Laundresse should him see The weapons that his humors do efford , Is Bum-dagger , and basket hilted Sword . And these in euery Bawdie house are drawne Twice in a day , vnlesse they be at pawne . If any fall together by the eares , To field cries he ; why ? zownes ( to field ) he sweares Shew your selues men : hey , slash it out with blowes Let won make tothers guts garter his hose , Make Steele and Iron vmpiers to the Fray , You shall haue me goe with , to see faire play : Let mee alone , for I will haue a care To see that one do kill the tother faire . This is Contempt , that 's euery ones disdayner The strife pursuer , and the peace refrayner Hates thunderbolt , damn'd Murders larum-bell , A neare deare Kinsman to the Diuell of hell : And he whom Sathan to this humor bringes , Istn only man for all detested thinges . FINIS .

6. SATYRE . TOm's no good fellow , nor no honest man : Hang him , he wold not pledge Ralfe halfe a can But if a friend may speake as he doth thinke , Will is a right good fellow by this drinke : Oh William , William , th' art as kind a youth , As euer I was drunke with , that s the trueth . Tom is no more like thee , then Chalks like Cheese . To pledge a health , or to drinke vp-se freese : Fill him his Beaker , he will neuer flinch , To giue a full quart pot the emptie pinch . Hee le looke vnto your water well enough . And hath an eye that no man leaues a snuffe . A pox of peecemeale drinking ( William sayes ) Play it away , wee le haue no stoppes and stayes , Blowne drinke is odious , what man can disiest it , No faythfull drunkard , but he doth detest it . I hate halfe this , out with it , and an end , He is a buzard will not pledge his friend , But standes as though his drinkes mast-sacke were closed with , Heer 's t' ye Sir , against you are disposed ? How say my friend , an may I be so bold , Blowing on 's Beere like broth to make it cold , Keeping the full glasse till it stand and sower , Drinking but after halfe a mile an hower , Vnworthy to make one , or gaine a place , Where boone companions gage the pots apace . A mans a ma● ▪ and therewithall an ende , Goodfellowship was bred and borne to spende , No man ere saw a pound of sorrow yet , Could be allowd to pay an ounce of debt . We may be here to day , and gone to morrow . Call mee for sixe pots more come on , hang sorrow Tut , lacke another day ? Why , t is all one , When we are dead , then all the world is gone . Begin to me good Ned : What ? hast gon right ? Is it the same that tickeld mee last night ? We gaue the Brewers Diet-drinke a wipe : Braue Malt-Tabacco in a quart pot-pipe , It nettld mee , and did my braines inspire , I haue forsworne your drinking smoake and fier : Out vpon Cane and leafe Tabacco smell : Diuells take home your drinke keepe it in hell . Carow●e in Cannons Trinidado smoake , Drinke healths to one another till you choake , And let the Indians pledge you till they sweate , Giue me the element that drowneth heate : Strong sodden Water is a vertuous thing , It makes one sweare , and swagger like a King , And hath more hidden Uertue then you thinke , For I le maintaine , good liquor 's meate and drinke : Nay , I le goe further with you , for in troth , It is as good as meate , and drinke , and cloth ; For he that is in Malt-mans Hall inrolde , Cares not a poynt for hunger nor for colde . If it be cold , he drinketh till he sweate , If it be hot , he drinkes to lay the heate : So that how ere it be cold or hot , To pretious vse he doth apply the pot : And will approue it Phisically sound , If it be drunke vpon the Danish round : Or taken with a Pickle-herring or two , As Flemmings at Saint Katherines vse to do : Which fish hath vertue , eaten salt and raw , To pull drinke to it , euen as Ieate doth straw . Oh t is a very Whetstone to the braine , A march-beere shewer that puts downe April raine It makes a man actiue to leape and spring , To daunce and vault , to carrowle and to sing : For all exploytes it doth a man inable , T' out leape mens heades , and caper ore the table , To burne Sacke with a candle till he reeles , And then to trip-vp his companions heeles . To sing like the great Organ pipe in Poules , And censure all men vnder his controules . Against all commers ready to maintaine , That deepest wit is in a drunken braine . I marry is it ; that it is he knowes it , And by this drinke , at all times will depose it , He sayes , that day is to a minute shrunke , In which he makes not some good fellow drunke : As for nine worthies on his Hostes wall , He knowes three worthy drunkards passe them all The first of them in many a Tauerne tride , At last subdued by Aquauitae , dide . His second Worthies date was brought to fine , Feasting with Oysters and braue Rennish wine , The third , whom diuers Dutchmen held full deare , Was stabb'd by pickeld Hearings & strong Beere . Well , happy is the man doth rightly know , The vertue of three cuppes of Charnico : Being taken fasting , th' only cure for Flegme , It worketh wonders on the braine , extreame . A pottle of wine at morning , or at night , Drunke with an Apple , is imployed right , To rince the Liuet , and to purifie A dead sicke Hart from all infirmitie .

FINIS .