FIrst , let no Woman presume to paint her face , that hath beautie enough of her owne ; for though she have colour for her chéeke , yet shée shall have none for her immodesty ; then Times chéeke will looke fresh and lively .

Let Taylers never cosen Gentlem●n in their Sutes by the Custome of London nor take up more than will serve , conspiring with the Mercer to gull the Gentry : Let them never make any l●●se bodied gownes for Women , so that they can never hold their owne . Let them never sowe any garments in such hasty manner , that the seames are presently all unript , let them never put in bad linings into any Sute , and kéepe the other for themselves . And lastly , let them never with long Bills assault and set upon Gentlemen : these Orders being observed , the hands of Time will not be guiltie of so much théeving and stealing .

Let Hosts & Hostesses , & all Uictuallers give nor afford any more drinke , either Wine , or Béere , or Ale , than wil moderately suffice their guests : let them not like briars and bushes , hang about their armes , and make them stay when they would bée gone , or are indeede gone already . Let them remember to fill their Pots , and suffer no Drunkard to spend that in one houre or Day , which should maintaine him , and ( perhaps ) his Wife and Children all the Weeke . These Orders being observed , Hosts and Hostesses shall live honestly , Tradesmen shall live thriftily , and Time shall be counted no Drunkard .

Also it is ordered by Time , that hee that spends money before hee hath it , shall bee counted a forward fellow , and a cunning man ; but because women are like this yeere to have tender eyes , therefore they shall have mourning Gownes made with great sleeves , that they may mourne for their Husbands decease in their Gownes , and laugh in their sleeves .

Moreover , it is ordained , that if any men have a red Nose betweene this and Iuly , they shall forfeit all the shooes in their shops ; but if his wife be a scold , then the case is alter'd , for he may goe to the Ale-house by the priviledge of bad Husbands . Also if any one drinke more than will doe him good , it is ordayned by Time , that 〈◊〉 morning his head shall be cut off , and set up for the Signe of the Foxe and Goose. for by this meanes the Drunkards in these Times will be fewer .

Besides , it is decreed and ordained , that if Husbands and their Wives fall out about cutting of a legge of Mutton , before they have eate the Porridge , that then the Gray Mare is the better Horse : but yet to the terrour of all scolding tongues , all scold● shall be forced to eate hot Porridge , til they coole the fury of their tongues ; and when they will not be rul'd by reason , some wives shall be duckt upon a Feather-bed , and made quiet thereby , and so the eares of Time shall not be disquieted with the noise of scolding in the streets .

Furthermore , it is ordained , that Oyster , wives , and the other cryers of commodities , shall get an Art to cry softly ; & that men shall never talke any thing of their Neighbour , but that which is good ; and that scraping of ●renchers , and the babling of fooles shall he silenc'd : Also Sextons shall invent a new way to ring Bell● without making any noise : Smiths 〈◊〉 viles shall be lin'd with Cushions , Roarer●● shall grow hoarse for want of money ▪ Scolds ( as I said ) shall grow tongue ty'd , Carts and Coach-wheeles shall bee lin'd with Bombast , & order shall be taken with Water-men ▪ that they shall not make such a bawling ; Prentices in a Terme-time shall not dare to cry , What lacke you ? but shall fall asléepe upon their Shop-bookes , and generally , all noises shall be put downe , and silenc'd , whereby the eares of Time are offended : as most especially , all drunkes quarrelling and prating in Ale-houses , and singing of Catches when they be more than halfe asléepe : Also Coopers shall h●●pe the●● Tubs and Uessels in Cellers , and not in the Stréets , and all other violent sounds and noises , as barking of Currs , winding up of Iacks , squeaking of Cats , the humming noises of Muskets , withall the Thunders in the lower Regement of the belly , and the bay●ing of the Beares , are all forbidden , as troublesome and offensive to Times eares .

Also , because Times eyes are growne old and sender , therefore it shall be ordained , that none shall have more money than wit , for that is offensive to Time ; neither shall any weare new brade cloaths that are not paid for nor presume to iustle the wall when he is drunke , nor to réele afterward into the kennell . Also for a Woman to breake her Husbands Coxcombe with Ladle , shall be a fight-very displeasing to Time : also the strange Fashions which are every day invented , shall bee quite forgotten , and young men shall not strive to have Beards before their Time , nor shall Dogges presume to run away with shoulders of Mutton out of Rich mens houses : Fooles shal not ride upon wise mens backs , nor make Asses of them ; Serving-men shall not weare Cloakes for their knavery , young Wenches shall not looke gréene at Fiftéene for want of Husbands : all Tobacco-pipes shall bee broken , and Joane Slattergood shall buy new Stockins , for Time is much distasted to sée her hose broken above the shooe : also all courting of Maids in the darke , with whispering them in the eare , and other silent temptations shall bee quite abolished : Bread shall béee made of a iust size and quantity , although the Baker bee not taught to see to make it weight , by looking through a wooden window ▪ And to conclude , Owles shall flye in the Night , Measures shall bee made right and iust , Red Noses shal grow pale , bald crownes be cover'd with Perriwigs , Wenches shall never walke in their dreames stark naked fooles shal not feere for want of Wit , Beggers shall not ride while wise men goe on foote : Chandelers shal not cut small penny-worths of Chéese , Coblers shal not dare to play the Cookes , and licke their thumbs ; Meate shal not be roasted without a fire , and Chambers shal never bee kept cleane without swéeping and washing , for these sights are displeasing to Time .

Moreover , because Time is out of T●st● , and distastes many things , therefore hée hath ordayn'd , that poore men and prisoners shal never make great sumptuous Feasts ▪ and also , men shal not pay more for their sawes than for their meate , which hath bin an old custome time out of minde . Besides , it is ordain'd , that Mustard and Hartichoaks , or clowted Creame and Uineger shal never be served up together ; also a Table without meat shal be counted no Dinner , & it shal be lawful to rise from thence without giving thankes ; also for any man to choake himselfe with drinking good ●ack , shal bee very distastefull to the Pallat of Time : and besides , Time allowes none to eate good cheere , but such as have money to buy it . No Tarts shal be made of Iéeres and scoffes , nor such as have Rheumaticke Noses , shal make no Puddings ; nor shal any fat wench make Butter in Summer : besides , Carpes , and Pouts , and Railes , with Crabs for an after course , shal not bee served up at any marryed mans Table , notshal an old shooe-soale , though it be mine'd , and butterd , and drest after the French fashion , ever make any good meats : And also Time hath thought good , that butterd Ling without Egges , shal not bee so good meate as with Egges ; nor a Calves h●●d without Bacon , as good as with Bacon ; also there shal be very little savour in the white of an egge , nor in any thing else without Salt , for that wil savour all things except ill words , or the folly of a Foole. Besides , no man shal presume to taste very hot broth for feare he burne his mouth ; nor to eate a dozen of new Cakes without drinke , for feare he choake himselfe . And in generall , all working dayes and fasting dayes , furm●ty that is burnt to , conserves of roast Beefe , all sawcinesse in Boyes , all Uineger virtuous admonitions , and Wormewood words , and more especially swallowing downe knavery , without troubling the stomacke of Conscience , is distasteful● to Times taste .

And moreover , Foot-men shall be compell'd to change their Socks twice a day , or else not to come in their Ladies presence . Besides , Fish-wives shall not 〈◊〉 new Fish , when it is ready to stink● ▪ for that is abhominable in the nose of Time . And moreover , it shall be accounted better to have a sweete breath , than to weare sweete powders and Muske about them . Also the smell of Mace shall be very dangerous , especially about the Counter , and the smell of a great Feast shall never fill a mans belly .

It is ordayned also , that the smell of Sir Ajax breath against rainy weather , and the sent of More-ditch in Summer , shall be very distastefull to Times Nose : all h●st is words also shall make Time take Pepper in the nose , and therefore hot stomacks shal eate great store of Sage to coole their fury . Also knavery , hidden under shewes of honesty , if discerned ; shall smell ranke , and be very distastefull to Times nose ; and also complements being perfum'd & sweeten'd with dissimulation , shall be soone disliked . Moreover , Water that is pure and cleere , shall be thought to have no smell ; but good Sacke shall make Times nose looke Sun-burnt . Also the smell of Money shall bee counted very savoury , according to the old Proverb , Bonus lucri odor ex re qualibet : The smell of gaine is sweete , though from a Iakes . Lastly , the smell of the snuffe of a Candle , the burning of Woollen in the fire , a Chamber-pot full of stale Urine the cunning of Hostesses , the knavery of Hostlers , and generally , all false dealing and corruption shal be very distasteful to Times nose .

Also , because Time is old , and starke bald behinde , therefore it shall be no offence for such as have had wits , to bring forth bald conceits : and because Time is old , ( as I said ) in his last declining Age , therefore it shal be lawfull for old men to dye in good age , and while they live , to bee honour'd before young Gallants , by the priviledge of Time and Seniority .

Moreover , because Times wit and iudgment cannot chuse but be very crazie , after so many yeeres griefe and trouble , therefore it is ordain'd , that Wit shal runne a wooll-gathering , to make a Night-cap for him ; and that hee shal never bee made any Officer or Watchman . And besides , Time hath ordain'd , that hée that can kéepe his fingers out of the fire , shall be counted a wise Man , and shee that can rea●● egges wel , a cunning woman ; but if any Asse presume to put on a Gowne , hee shall bee apprehended for a counterfeit Philosopher .

It is ordained also , that Fooles shall aggree very well together ; and hee that can tell an hundred pound of his owne Money , shall bee counted a skilfuller Man than he that can cast up great summes in figures . And to conclude , to see Geese cackle , and talke Greeke , to heare Asses make Orations in strange Languages , to heare Cuckowes sing severall Tunes , to see Young men have more money than manners , to see Rootes worne for Night-Cappes , and Hats for Shooes , and to tell a Tale to a Mare , shall bee all displeasing to Times wit . Also , to heare a Morrice Da●ce commended for an excellent Maske , or Crabs for very good Pippins , or that the Powder of a Post , is better than Suger to sweeten Wine : These are all distastefull to Times Iudgement .

Therefore it is ordained , that money shall be preferred before desert , by the principall Iudgements , and that a Calves head and Bacon shal be esteemd a better Dish of meate , than Ling without Oyle and Mustard ; a foule stable shall bee iudged better for a tyred horse than a faire way : but betwéen Knavery , Dishonesty , and Basenesse , there shall bee little difference in Times Iudgement .

And moreover , because Time is generally hated and every one desires his Roome rather than his Company : Therefore it is ordained , that Young fellowes that spend their time wastefully , shall bee very Asses in their Age ; and that Powderd Beefe shall bee sometimes not mollified , or softned by ten of Clocke , because they let time passe away unregarded . Also old Maides shall despaire of Husbands , and all because they let Time passe away unregarded ; and so shall such as frequent Alehouses be adiudged to goe in old cloathes , because they did not make use of , nor respect Time .