I Learne in this letter , that don Peter of Arragon comes this night to Messina .

He is very neare by this , he was not three leagues off when I left him .

How many gentlemen haue you lost in this action ?

But few of any sort , and none of name .

A victory is twice it selfe , when the atchiuer brings homeful numbers : I find here , that don Peter hath bestowed much honour on a yong Florentine called Claudio .

Much deseru'd on his part and equally remembred by don Pedro he hath borne himselfe beyond the promise of his age , doing in the figure of a lamb , the feats of a lion , he hath indeed better bettred expectation then you must expect of me to tell you how .

He hath an vnckle here in Messina will be very much glad of it .

I haue already deliuered him letters , and there appeares much ioy in him , euen so much that ioy could not shew itselfe modest enough , without a badge of bitternesse .

Did he breake out into teares ?

In great measure .

A kind ouerflow of kindnesse , there are no faces truer then those that are so washt , how much better is it to weepe at ioy , then to ioy at weeping ?

I pray you , is Signior Mountanto returnd from the warres or no ?

I know none of that name , ladie , there was none such in the army of any sort .

What is he that you aske for neece ?

My cosen meanes Signior Benedicke of Padua .

O hee 's returnd , and as pleasant as euer he was .

He set vp his bills here in Messina , and challengde Cupid at the Flight , and my vncles foole reading the chalenge subscribde for Cupid , and challengde him at the Burbolt : I pray you , how many hath he kild and eaten in these warres ? but how many hath he kild ? for indeede I promised to eate all of his killing .

Faith neece you taxe Signior Benedicke too much , but hee le be meet with you , I doubt it not .

He hath done good seruice lady in these warres .

You had musty vittaile , and he hath holpe to eate it , he is a very valiaunt trencher man , he hath an excellent stomacke .

And a good souldier too , lady .

And a good souldiour to a Lady , but what is he to a Lord ?

A lord to a lord , a man to a man , stufft with al honorable vertues .

It is so indeed , he is no lesse then a stuft man , but for the stuffing wel , we are al mortall .

You must not , sir , mistake my neece , there is a kind of mery warre betwixt Signior Benedicke and her , they neuer meet but there 's a skirmish of wit betweene them .

Alas he gets nothing by that , in our last conflict , 4 of his fiue wits went halting off , and now is the whole man gouernd with one , so that if he haue wit enough to keep himself warm , let him beare it for a difference between himself and his horse , for it is all the wealth that he hath left , to be known a reasonable creature , who is his companion now ? he hath euery month a new sworne brother .

I st possible ?

Very easily possible , he weares his faith but as the fashion of his hat , it euer changes with the next blocke .

I see lady the gentleman is not in your bookes .

No , and he were , I would burne my study but I pray you who is his companion ? is there no yong squarer now that will make a voyage with him to the diuell ?

He is most in the companie of the right noble Claudio .

O Lord , he will hang vpon him like a disease , hee is sooner caught than the pestilence , and the taker runs presently madde , God help the noble Claudio , if he haue caught the Benedict , it will cost him a thousand pound e●e a be cured .

I will holde friends with you Ladie .

Do good friend .

You will neuer runne madde niece .

No , not till a hote Ianuary .

Don Pedro is approacht .

Good signior Leonato , are you come to meet your trouble : the fashion of the world is , to auoyd cost , and you incounter it .

Neuer came trouble to my house , in the likenesse of your grace ; for trouble being gone , comfort should remaine : but when you depart from mee , sorrow abides , and happines takes his leaue .

You embrace your charge too willingly : I thincke this is your daughter .

Her mother hath many times tolde me so .

Were you in doubt sir that you askt her ?

Signior Benedicke , no , for then were you a child .

You haue it full Benedicke , wee may ghesse by this , what you are , being a man , truely the Lady fathers her selfe : be happy Lady , for you are like an honourable father .

If Signior Leonato be her father , she would not haue his head on her shoulders for all Messina as like him as she is .

I wonder that you will still be talking , signior Benedicke , no body markes you .

What my deere lady Disdaine ! are you yet liuing ?

Is it possible Disdaine should die , while she hath such meete foode to feede it , as signior Benedicke ? Curtesie it selfe must conuert to Disdaine , if you come in her presence .

Then is curtesie a turne-coate , but it is certaine I am loued of all Ladies , onelie you excepted : and I would I could finde in my heart that I had not a hard heart , for truely I loue none .

A deere happinesse to women , they would else haue beene troubled with a pernitious suter , I thanke God and my cold blood , I am of your humour for that , I had rather heare my dog barke at a crow , than a man sweare he loues me .

God keepe your Ladiship stil in that mind , so some Gentleman or other shall scape a predestinate scratcht face .

Scratching could not make it worse , and t were such a face as yours were .

Well , you are a rare parrat teacher .

A bird of my tongue , is better than a beast of yours .

I would my horse had the speed of your tongue , and so good a continuer , but keep your way a Gods name , I haue done .

You alwayes end with a iades tricke , I knowe you of olde .

That is the summe of all : Leonato , signior Claudio , and signior Benedicke , my deere friend Leonato , hath inuited you all , I tell him we shall stay here , at the least a moneth and he heartily praies some occasion may detaine vs longer , I dare sweare he is no hypocrite , but praies from his heart .

If you sweare my lord , you shall not be forsworne , let mee bidde you welcome , my lord , being reconciled to the Prince your brother : I owe you all duetie .

I thanke you , I am not of many wordes , but I thanke you

Please it your grace leade on ?

Your hand Leonato , we wil go together .

Benedicke , didst thou note the daughter of Signior Leonato ?

I noted her not , but I lookte on her ,

Is she not a modest yong ladie ?

Do you question me as an honest man should doe , for my simple true iudgement ? or would you haue me speake after my custome , as being a professed tyrant to their sex ?

No , I pray thee speake in sober iudgement .

Why yfaith me thinks shee s too low for a hie praise , too browne for a faire praise , and too litle for a great praise , onlie this commendation I can affoord her , that were shee other then she is , she were vnhansome , and being no other , but as she is , I do not like her .

Thou thinkest I am in sport , I pray thee tell mee truelie how thou lik'st her .

Would you buie her that you enquier after her ?

Can the world buie such a iewel ?

Yea , and a case to putte it into , but speake you this with a sad brow ? or doe you play the flowting iacke , to tell vs Cupid is a good Hare finder , and Vulcan a rare Carpenter : Come , in what key shall a man take you to go in the song ?

In mine eie , shee is the sweetest Ladie that euer I lookt on .

I can see yet without spectacles , and I see no such matter : there s her cosin , and she were not possest with a fury , exceedes her as much in beautie , as the first of Maie dooth the last of December : but I hope you haue no intent to turne husband , haue you ?

I would scarce trust my selfe , though I had sworne the contrarie , if Hero would be my wife .

I st come to this ? in faith hath not the worlde one man but he will weare his cappe with suspition ? shall I neuer see a batcheller of three score againe ? go to yfaith , and thou wilt needes thrust thy necke into a yoke , weare the print of it , and sigh away sundaies : looke , don Pedro is returned to seeke you .

What secret hath held you here , that you followed not to Leonatoes ?

I would your Grace would constraine me to tell .

I charge thee on thy allegeance .

You heare , Count Claudio , I can be secret as a dumb man , I woulde haue you thinke so ( but on my allegiance , marke you this , on my allegiance ) he is in loue , with who ? now that is your Graces part : marke how short his answer is , with Hero Leonatoes short daughter .

If this were so , so were it vttred .

Like the olde tale , my Lord , it is not so , nor t was not so : but indeede , God forbid it should be so .

If my passion change not shortly , God forbid it should be otherwise .

Amen , if you loue her , for the Lady is very well worthy .

You speake this to fetch me in , my Lord .

By my troth I speake my thought .

And in faith , my Lord , I spoke mine .

And by my two faiths and troths , my Lorde , I spoke mine .

That I loue her , I feele .

That she is worthy , I know .

That I neither feele how she should be loued , nor know how she should be worthie , is the opinion that fire can not melt out of me , I will die in it at the stake .

Thou wast euer an obstinate heretique in the despight of Beauty .

And neuer could maintaine his part , but in the force of his wil.

That a woman conceiued me , I thanke her : that she brought me vp , I likewise giue her most humble thankes : but that I will haue a rechate winded in my forehead , or hang my bugle in an inuisible baldricke , all women shall pardon mee : because I will not doe them the wrong to mistrust any , I will doe my selfe the right to trust none : and the fine is , ( for the which I may go the finer , ) I will liue a bacheller .

I shall see thee ere I die , looke pale with loue .

With anger , with sickenesse , or with hunger , my Lord , not with loue : proue that euer I loose more blood with loue then I will get againe with drinking , picke out mine eies with a Ballad-makers penne and hang me vp at the doore of a brothel house for the signe of blinde Cupid .

Well , if euer thou dost fall from this faith , thou wilt prooue a notable argument .

If I do , hang me in a bottle like a Cat , and shoote at me , and he that hits me , let him be clapt on the shoulder , and calld Adam .

Well , as time shal trie : in time the sauage bull doth beare the yoake .

The sauage bull may , but if euer the sensible Benedicke beare it , plucke off the bulls hornes , and set them in my forehead , and let me be vildly painted , and in such great letters as they write , here is good horse to hyre : let them signifie vnder my signe , here you may see Benedicke the married man .

If this should euer happen , thou wouldst be horn madde .

Nay , if Cupid haue not spent all his quiuer in Venice , thou wilt quake for this shortly .

I looke for an earthquake too then .

Well , you will temporize with the howres , in the meane time , good signior Benedicke , repaire to Leonatoes , commend me to him , and tell him I will not faile him at supper , for indeede he hath made great preparation .

I haue almost matter enough in mee for suche an Embassage , and so I commit you .

To the tuition of God : from my house if I had it .

The sixt of Iuly : your louing friend Benedicke .

Nay mocke not , mocke not , the body of your discourse is sometime guarded with fragments , and the guardes are but slightly basted on neither , ere you flowt old ends any further , examine your conscience and so I leaue you .

My liege , your Highnesse nowe may doe mee good .

How now brother , where is my cosen your sonne hath he prouided this musique ?

He is very busie about it , but brother , I can tell you strange newes that you yet dreampt not of .

Are they good ?

As the euents stampes them but they haue a good couer : they shew well outward , the prince and Count Claudio walking in a thicke pleached alley in mine orchard , were thus much ouer-heard by a man of mine : the prince discouered to Claudio that he loued my niece your daughter , and meant to acknowledge it this night in a daunce , and if he found her accordant , he meant to take the present time by the top , and instantly breake with you of it .

Hath the fellow any wit that told you this ?

A good sharp fellow , I wil send for him , and question him your selfe .

No , no , we wil hold it as a dreame til it appeare it self : but I will acquaint my daughter withall , that she may bee the better prepared for an answer , if peraduenture this be true : go you and tel hir of it : coosins , you know what you haue to doe , O I crie you mercie friend , go you with me and I wil vse your shill: good cosin haue a care this busie time .

What the goodyeere my lord , why are you thus out of measure sad ?

There is no measure in the occasion that breeds , therfore the sadnesse is without limit .

You should heare reason .

And when I haue heard it , what blessing brings it ?

If not a present remedy , at least a patient sufferance .

I wonder that thou ( being as thou saist , thou art , borne vnder Saturne ) goest about to apply a morall medicine , to a mortifying mischiefe : I cannot hide what I am : I must be sad when I haue cause , and smile at no mans iests , eate when I haue stomack , and wait for no mans leisure : sleep when I am drowsie , and tend on no mans businesse , laugh when I am mery , and claw no man in his humor .

Yea but you must not make the full show of this till you may do it without controllment , you haue of late stoode out against your brother , and he hath tane you newly into his grace , where it is impossible you should take true root , but by the faire weather that you make yourself , it is needful that you frame the season for your owne haruest .

I had rather be a canker in a hedge , then a rose in his grace , and it better fits my bloud to be disdain'd of all , then to fashion a cariage to rob loue from any : in this , ( thogh I cannot be said to be a slatering honest man ) it must not be denied but I am a plain dealing villaine , I am trusted with a mussel , and enfraunchisde with a ●ogge , therfore I haue decreed , not to sing in my cage : if I had my mouth I would bite : if I had my liberty I would do my liking : in the mean time , let me be that I am , and seeke not to alter me .

Can you make no vse of your discontent ?

I make all vse of it , for I vse it only ,

Who comes here ? what newes Borachio ?

I came yonder from a great supper , the prince your brother is royally entertain'd by Leonato , and I can giue you intelligence of an intended mariage .

Wil it serue for any model to build mischiefe on ? what is he for a foole that betrothes himselfe to vnquietnesse ?

Mary it is your bothers right hand .

Who , the most exquisite Claudio ?

Euen he .

A proper squier , and who , and who , which way looks he ?

Mary one Hero the daughter and heire of Leonato .

A very forward March-chicke , how came you to this ?

Being entertain'd for a perfumer , as I was smoaking a musty roome , comes me the prince and Claudio , hand in hand in sad conference : I whipt me behind the arras , and there heard it agreed vpon , that the prince should wooe Hero for himselfe , and hauing obtain'd her , giue her to Counte Claudio .

Come , come , let vs thither , this may proue food to my displeasure , that yong start vp hath all the glory of my ouerthrow : if I can crosse him any way , I blesse my selfe euery way , you are both sure , and wil assist me .

To the death my Lord .

Let vs to the great supper , their cheere is the greater that I am subdued , would the cooke were a my mind , shall we go proue what s to be done ?

Wee le wait vpon your lordship .

Was not counte Iohn here at supper ?

I saw him not .

How tartely that gentleman lookes , I neuer can see him but I am heart-burn'd an hower after .

He is of a very melancholy disposition .

He were an excellent man that were made iust in the mid-way between him and Benedick , the one is too like an image and saies nothing , and the other too like my ladies eldest sonne , euermore tatling .

Then halfe signior Benedickes tongue in Counte Iohns mouth , and halfe Counte Iohns melancholy in Signior Benedickes face .

With a good legge and a good foote vnckle , and money inough in his purse , such a man would winne any woman in the world if a could get her good will .

By my troth neece thou wilt neuer get thee a husband , if thou be so shrewd of thy tongue .

Infaith shee s too curst .

Too curst is more then curst , I shall lessen Gods sending that way , for it is saide , God sends a curst cow short hornes , but to a cow too curst , he sends none .

So , by being too curst , God will send you no hornes .

Iust , if he send me no husband , for the which blessing , I am at him vpon my knees euery morning and euening : Lord , I could not endure a husband with a beard on his face , I had rather lie in the woollen !

You may light on a husband that hath no beard .

What should I do with him , dresse him in my apparell and make him my waiting gentle woman ? he that hath a beard , is more then a youth : and he that hath no beard , is lesse then a man : and he that is more then a youth , is not for me , and he that is lesse then a man , I am not for him , therefore I will euen take sixpence in earnest of the Berrord , and leade his apes into hell .

Well then go you into hell .

No but to the gate , and there will the diuell meete me like an old cuckold with hornes on his head , and say , get you to heauen Beatrice , get you to heauen , heere s no place for you maids , so deliuer I vp my apes and away to saint Peter : for the heauens , he shewes me where the Batchellers sit , and there liue we as mery as the day is long .

Well neece , I trust you will be rulde by your father .

Yes faith , it is my cosens duetie to make cursie and say , father , as it please you : but yet for all that cosin , let him be a handsome fellow , or else make an other cursie , and say , father , as it please me .

Well neece , I hope to see you one day fitted with a husband .

Not til God make men of some other mettal then earth , would it not grieue a woman to be ouer-masterd with a peece of valiant dust ? to make an account of her life to a clod of waiward marle ? no vnckle , i le none : Adams sonnes are my brethren , and truely I holde it a sinne to match in my kinred .

Daughter , remember what I told you , if the prince do solicite you in that kind , you know your answer .

The fault will be in the musique cosin , if you be not wooed in good time : if the prince be too important , tell him there is measure in euery thing , and so daunce out the answer , for here me Hero , wooing , wedding , and repenting , is as a Scotch ijgge , a measure , and a cinquepace : the first suite is hot and hasty like a Scotch ijgge ( and ful as fantasticall ) the wedding manerly modest ( as a measure ) full of state and aunchentry , and then comes Repentance , and with his bad legs falls into the cinquepace faster and faster , til he sincke into his graue .

Cosin you apprehend passing shrewdly .

I haue a good eie vnckle , I can see a church by day-light .

The reuellers are entring brother , make good roome .

Lady will you walke about with your friend ?

So , you walke softly , and looke sweetly , and say nothing , I am yours for the walke , and especially when I walk away .

With me in your company .

I may say so when I please .

And when please you to say so ?

When I like your fauour , for God defend the lute should be like the case .

My visor is Philemons roofe , within the house is Ioue .

Why then your visor should be thatcht .

Speake low if you speake loue .

Well , I would you did like me .

So would not I for your owne sake , for I haue many ill qualities .

Which is one ?

I say my praiers alowd .

I loue you the better , the hearers may cry Amen .

God match me with a good dauncer .

Amen .

And God keepe him out of my sight when the daunce is done : answer Clarke .

No more words , the Clarke is answered .

I know you well enough , you are signior Anthonio .

At a word I am not .

I knowe you by the wagling of your head .

To tell you true , I counterfeit him .

You coulde neuer doe him so ill well , vnlesse you were the very man : heere s his drie hand vp and downe , you are he , you are he .

At a word I am not .

Come , come , do you thinke I do not know you by your excellent wit ? can vertue hide it selfe ? go to , mumme , you are he , graces will appeere , and there s an end .

Will you not tell me who tolde you so ?

No , you shall pardon me .

Nor will you not tell me who you are ?

Not now .

That I was disdainefull , and that I had my good wit out of the hundred mery tales : wel , this was signior Benedick that said so .

What s he ?

I am sure you know him well enough .

Not I , beleeue me .

Did he neuer make you laugh ?

I pray you what is he ?

Why he is the princes ieaster , a very dul fool only his gift is , in deuising impossible slaunders , none but Libertines delight in him , and the commendation is not in his wit , but in his villanie , for he both pleases men and angers them , and then they laugh at him , and beate him : I am sure he is in the Fleete , I would he had boorded me .

When I know the Gentleman , i le tell him what you say .

Do , do , hee le but break a comparison or two on me , which peraduenture , ( not markt , or not laught at ) strikes him into melancholy and then there s a partrige wing saued , for the foole will eate no supper that night : wee must follow the leaders .

In euery good thing .

Nay , if they leade to any ill , I will leaue them at the next turning .

Sure my brother is amorous on Hero , and hath withdrawne her father to breake with him about it : the Ladies folow her , and but one visor remaines .

And that is Claudio , I knowe him by his bearing .

Are not you signior Benedicke ?

You know me well , I am he .

Signior , you are very neere my brother in his loue , he is enamourd on Hero , I pray you disswade him from her , she is no equall for his birth , you may doe the parte of an honest man in it .

How know you he loues her ?

I heard him sweare his affection .

So did I too , and he swore hee would marry her to night .

Come let vs to the banquet .

Count Claudio .

Yea , the same .

Come , will you go with me ?

Whither ?

Euen to the next willow , about your owne busines , county : what fashion will you weare the garland of ? about your necke , like an Vsurers chaine ? or vnder your arme , like a Lieutenants scarffe ? you must weare it one way , for the prince hath got your Hero .

I wish him ioy of her .

Why that s spoken like an honest Drouier , so they sell bullockes : but did you thinke the Prince would haue serued you thus ?

I pray you leaue me .

Ho now you strike like the blindman , t was the boy that stole your meate , and you le beate the post .

If it will not be , i le leaue you .

Alas poore hurt foule , now will hee creepe into sedges : but that my Ladie Beatrice should know me , and not know mee : the princes foole ! hah , it may be I goe vnder that title because I am merry : yea but so I am apte to doe my selfe wrong : I am not so reputed , it is the base ( though bitter ) disposition of Beatrice , that puts the world into her person , and so giues me out : well , i le be reuenged as I may .

Now signior where s the Counte , did you see him ?

Troth my lord , I haue played the part of Ladie Fame , I found him heere as melancholy as a Lodge in a Warren , I tolde him , and I thinke I tolde him true , that your grace had got the goodwil of this yoong Lady and I offred him my company to a willow tree , either to make him a garland , as being forsaken , or to binde him vp a rod , as being worthie to bee whipt .

To be whipt , what s his fault ?

The flatte transgression of a Schoole-boy , who being ouer-ioyed with finding a birds nest , shewes it his companion , and he steales it .

Wilt thou make a trust a transgression ? the transgression is in the stealer .

Yet it had not beene amisse the rodde had beene made , & the garland too , for the garland he might haue worn himselfe , and the rodde he might haue bestowed on you , who ( as I take it ) haue stolne his birds nest .

I wil but teach them to sing , and restore them to the owner .

If their singing answer your saying , by my faith you say honestly .

The ladie Beatrice hath a quarrell to you , the Gentleman that daunst with her , told her shee is much wrongd by you .

O shee misusde me past the indurance of a blocke : an oake but with one greene leafe on it , would haue answered her : my very visor beganne to assume life , and scold with her : she tolde me , not thinking I had beene my selfe , that I was the Princes iester , that I was duller than a great thawe , huddleing iest vpon iest , with such impossible conuciance vpon me , that I stoode like a man at a marke , with a whole army shooting at me : she speakes poynyards , and euery word stabbes : if her breath were as terrible as her terminations , there were no liuing neere her , shee would infect to the north starre : I woulde not marry her , though shee were indowed with al that Adam had left him before he transgrest , she would haue made Hercules haue turnd spit , yea , and haue cleft his club to make the fire too : come , talke not of her , you shall find her the infernall Ate in good apparell , I would to God some scholler woulde coniure her , for certainely while she is heere , a man may liue as quiet in hell , as in a sanctuarie , and people sinne vpon purpose , because they would goe thither , so indeede all disquiet , horrour , and perturbation followes her .

Looke heere she comes .

Will your grace command me any seruice to the worldes end ? I will go on the slightest arrand now to the Antypodes that you can deuise to send mee on : I will fetch you a tooth-picker now from the furthest inch of Asia : bring you the length of Prester Iohns foot : fetch you a haire off the great Chams beard : doe you any embassage to the Pigmies , rather than holde three words conference , with this harpy , you haue no imployment for me ?