More fooles yet. Written by R.S.

More Fooles yet .

Loues Metamorphosis . OHcryes kind Dolus if shee hate my feature , Sweet Cupid turne mee to some other creature . Make me a Bull like Ioue , if that may passe ; Or let me be an Horse as Neptune was : Or like to Mercurie a Goat i le be , If such a shape will please so faire as shee . Loue was attentiue to his imprecation , And quicklie thought vpon some transformation . And in a moment rysing from his stoole , Transformd him to a creature cal'd a Foole .

A thriftie Gallant . FOgh cryes spruce Curio what a smell is here , As if some house of Office troubled were ? Is there some foysting Spaniell in the roome , Or is it pesterd by some stable Groome . There 's some thing putrified , search round about . O tarrie , tarrie , I haue smelt it out : It is my sute , the Sattin is impure , Or else my Taylors hands were nastie sure . I must expell this sent with some perfume , Counsell me sirs , your iudgements may presume : Why then sayes one , I thinke a Siuit best , No saies another 't will atract the pest : Why then that pouder which your Sempsters sells , Come you are fooles I will haue something else . There is a kind of sweet your brokers vse , T is that alone i le take , the rest refuse : For that effectuall is , and of such power , T will purge a stincking garment in an howre . Moreouer t is a scent of honest thrift , And many Gallants vse it for a shift : Therefore to frugall be and winne repute , To Lauender he doth commit his sute .

A confident Cuckold . YOu wrong Zelopio to repute him so , Tell me that he is iealous , faith sir no : He will permit his wise to see a play , And let her drinke with Captaines by the way . Will giue her leaue to walke to Westminster , To see the Tombes and monuments are there : Will suffer her to drinke and stay out late , To be led home by each associate . This prooues him confident , and which is more , When his wife knocks , himselfe will looke to the doore : But wot you why Zelopio seems content , She keepes the house , keepes him , & paies the rent .

A variable humorist . THe humor of Muander is most strange . Hee 's still extreame , and nothing makes him change : To day he is accoutred like your knight , To morrow like a stalking broome-man right . He weares a sute to day that 's cut and slasht , To morrow one slit on a shirt nere washt . Now hee 's extreamely merrie , and anon He prooues a Tymon , all his mirth is gone : Will you of his extreames the reason know , His Loue , as well as Fortune , is his foe .

A wondrous trauailer . WOnders most admirable you shall heare , If you with patience will permit your eare : That trauailer ( beleeue him if you please ) Sweares he hath been beyond Th' antipodes . And that he trauaild hath the Orbs throughout , And with his hand hath turn'd the Moone about : And to approoue his courage could not faile , He tooke the horride Dragon by the taile . And which is more , he sweares by all the gods , He challengd Mars to fight , and giue him ods . All this he hath perform'd he verifies it , And he will kill the pezant that denies it . Moreouer now he meanes with expedition , To trauaile down into the lower Region . Doe sir I pray you , and to Pluto tell These nouelties , and bring vs newes from hell .

A familiar Tobacconist . SIgnior Snuffe that rare Tobacconist , Who many a whiffe hath to the ayre dismist , Doth oft frequent Apoticaries shoppes , To minister Tobacco to his sloppes . And to the smoake-monger this speach he bends , Sir giues the best , as farre as this extends . Shewing a groat which he on 's gloues did borrow , With damme him if he paid it not to morrow . Tush i le haue none of your lowe vallued trash , Reserue it for your gulls , or those want cash . Giue me of your rich leafe , or by this light You shall expulse me and my custome quite : So you respect me now , a pipe I pray , I le none of that , reach one of Snells I say . Y' are payd , farewell . Adue penurious asse , That doth thy substance into vapour passe : Such is thy fate , if could thou 't pawne thy cloake , To warme thee by Tobaccoes fire and smoke .

Anger soone appeased . WHen Iohn Cornutus doth his wife reprooue , For being false and faithles in her loue : His wise to smooth those wrinckles on his brow , Doth stop his mouth , with Iohn come kisse me now .

A woman hater . MI soginos that lately lou'd a wench , Wisheth them now the torture of the French : Let me not liue ( sayth he ) men are befoolde , In being by such creatures ouer-rulde . What can a man discerne in such a creature , A little paultry beautie , forme , and feature : Which is but trash of no preheminence , Then why is 't powerfull to distract your sence ? Tell me what women are , that you adore them , Surely naught , being so you should abhorre them : What vertues haue they which do merrit praise , As many as this weeke hath Christmas dayes . What qualities , inconstancy , and pride , Still in lasciuious actions occupied . O peace Misoginos , why do'st thou wrong them ? Thou wilt commend them when thou att among them But will you know how this his hate was bred , A wench in Turnbull-street did breake his head .

In Criticum . NOw Criticus doth summon all his wit , And with the title says there 's more fooles yet : ( Quoth he ) these asses are not left alone , The Author makes the number more by one . Thus Criticus will censure and correct , Calumniate , detract without respect : Affoord the foole to all , O that may be , For none can shew a foole so well as he .

A bare conceit● . SVch ill successe last night had Ned at play , That no man can discouer him to day : No maruaile sir he keepes him from the light , He was discouerd to the skin last night .

An arrogant foole . GRosse and il-tutor'd fellow , why wert thou elected here ? each rascall now Will with a Gentleman familiar be : Forgetting difference twixt each degree . I le pay you sirha , what 's vpon my score ? I will abiure this house for euermore . Good Master Insolence , sir hold your tongue , The slaue doth practise still to do me wrong . Master ; you ill-taught rascall doe me right , Know that this moneth & more I haue bin knight : Yet you as ignorant of what I am , Entitle me like each mechanicke flam . In troth sir , my rude ignorance doth greiue me , I tooke you for a Gentleman beleiue me : Pardon my error , may I so implore , I le take you for a Gentleman no more .

A kind young man . YOung Iasper once led an impure life , But now he is conuerted by a wife : An antique of some threescore yeares & ten , Hath Iasper snatcht from many richer men : Not that he loues her , but he deemes her trash , Onely he marryes her to gaine her cash . Which cash of hers ( being possest with store ) Shall keepe his wench , which wench kept him before .

Captaine Nynnie . BRaue Magnaninny swayes in Turnbull-street , Commands the whores be prostrate at his feet : Fetch me some wine you baud & shut the dore , Come hither varlot , wheer 's the other hore ? Shee 's gone to the Tauerne , is she , fetch her home , Tell her from me , i le bast her and her groome : Here 's a damd crew indeed , sbloud who am I , I must be faine to thrash you by and by . Thus Magnaninny brauely dominiers , Breaks Looking-glasses , and Rabatoes teares , Slits Couerlets and Curtaines , burnes their haire : For which the punckes conspire to shaue him bare : And in a moment so to quit this cullian , They fire him from the confines of Turnbullian .

In Libidinosum . A penitent venerist . LAst night Libidinosus rashly went Vnto a wench lose , and incontinent : To whom he did participate that euill , Which did possesse him like an eager diuell . But now Libidinosus is contrite , And sorry for his rashnes ouer night : And doth protest ( will God remit his crime , ) Hee le deeme a whore as men do drosse & slime . You may beleeue him , he determins so , For drosse is good enough for swine you know .

A quarrell well answered . PRay you diswade me not , you do me wrong Thus to detaine me from reuenge so long : Throwe water in my shooes and runne away , Grosse iniurie , firrha come forth I say . Wilt thou come forth , doe and here I sweare , For this abuse i le giue thee a box a the eare : Thanks quoth the fellow , but be it knowen to you , I le not come forth if you would giue me two .

A rare man in action . BVt why doth Friuolus that actiue squire , ( Hauing abiur'd the Tenniscourt ) retyre Againe vnto that sport , is 't for his pleasure , Or to recouer there some spending treasure Or is it that his humor verifies It is a Gentleman-like exercise : Or may it be as some perhaps may brute , There to discouer his new Sattin sute . No sir you misconiecture his intent , For none of these , the sport he doth frequent : But if you le know the truth , sir vnderstand He comes to shew the wonders of his hand . How that by force of arme and Tennis-ball , To admiration he vntopt the wall : He is no vulgar fellow in his tricks , Where others bandie Balls , he bandies Bricks . And he is thither drawne by one thing more , For to augment his credit on the score .

A great obseruer . WIll you of Vinolentus gladly know Why he is drunck , this reason he will shew : Because those fashions hee le obserue and see , In his associates as druncke as he . Will you like wise inquire ( when he is druncke ) Why he doth range the purleys for a puncke : He will resolue you thus , for to descrie A whore in fashion and in qualitie . But Vinolentus tell the truth for shame , And do not more pollute thy hatefull name : Thou art not druncke each humor to behold , But thou art druncke to make thy vice more bold . Thou doest not visite whores to note their fashions , But to be deepely knowne in their transgressions : Well , drinck , be drunck , proceed & catch the Fox , Hunt all the purleyes ouer for the P.

An accomplisht Gallant . POore Tom goes barely , his best sute is prest To be forth comming in a Brokers chest : And aske you Thomas why he goes so bare , He answeres you , for pride he doth not care : Moreouer Sattin sutes he doth compare , Vnto the seruice of a Barbors chayre : As fit for euery lacke and Iourneyman , As for a knight , or worthy Gentleman . And therefore sweares poore Tom , I scorne it I , To imitate such vulgar rascaldry : But by and by when fortune gins to fawne , The Gentleman redeems his sute from pawne . And now abiures those raggs for euermore , Which but as yesterday his worship wore : And aske him now the reason of this change , And why he is transformed thus so strange : He answers you'tis base , and much reiected , To be a gentleman and not respected . Rich habits cause each vassall be esteemd , When raggs make Gentlemen be vassals deemd : Now sir because hee 's generous , therefore He scornes to be attyred like a Bore . Thus Tom penurious doth excuse his raggs , And if reform'd , scornes beggery with braggs .

A prouident whooremaster . Lvpurioso to compasse his desire , Makes his wench druncke , if you the cause inquire , He hath a filthy face , his nose is shruncke , And 's wench would lothe him if shee were not druncke .

A conuertite . STrangely addicted now is Brut us found , He doth suppose the world is at an end : He will not drincke not ramble foote of ground , Nor take a pipe neither with foe nor friend . Hee me ditates on heauen , no'tis not so , Another place he thinkes on which is lowe : O'tis his purse which nere doth measure keepe , He cannot reach a penny 't is so deepe .

In Rusticum . A charitable Glowne . RVsticus an honest country Swayne , Whose education simple was , and plaine : Hauing surveyd the Citie round about , Emptyed his purse , and so went trudging out . But by the way he saw , and much respected , A doore belonging to a house infected : Whereon was plac't ( as ' t is the custome still ) Lord haue mercie vpon vs , this sad Bill The sot perusde , and hauing read , he swore All London was vngodly , but that doore . Here dwells some vertue , yet sayes he , for this A most deuout religious saying is : And thus he wisht ( with putting off his Hatte ) That euery doore had such a Bill as that .

A well affected louer . MY Rose sayth Amorosus , is the flower Of all her sex , her beautie hath the power : To stirre affection in a dying creature , No female Europe yeelds equals her feature . True Amorosus shee 's a flower indeed , But scents more rancke than doth the stinckingst weed , Shee growes i' the Garden Allyes all the yeare , But differs from most flowers that appeare : For in the spring when many flowers florish , She hides her head , the spring her pride doth perish .

An absolute Gallant . IF you will see true vallour here displayd , Heare Poliphemus , and be not affraid : Dee see me wrong'd & will you thus restraine me , Sir let me go , or by these hilts i le braine yee . Shall a base patch with such apparance wrong me ? I le kill the villaine , pray do not prolong me : Call my Tobacco putryfied stuffe , Tell me it stincks , say it is drosse , I snuffe . Sirrha , what are you ? why sir what would you , I am a prentice , and will knocke you to : O are you so , I cry you mercy then , I am to fight with none but Gentlemen .

Mounsier the Englishman . NOte the industry of our gallant here , Which imitates all fashions that appeare : Th' Italian , Spanish , Dutch , ô but the French Especially , he followes to an inch . His Garters , Roses , all befrindg'd with gould , Were made in France , & by a Frenchman sold : His sute ( so quaintly wrought ) is truely sayd , To be by 'th Frenchman at the Fryars made . His ruffe is likewise french , and 's Beuer too , Sir , all is French he weares , be it known to you : Yet notwithstanding this our gallant sweares , The world 's deceiud , there 's nothing French hee weares . Yet it appeares most plainely to his face , His Note is frenchified , a small disgrace : But how ridiculous is he and vaine , To be so proud and haue aface so plaine .

Selfe doe , selfe haue . CRedus affirmes , his wife and he are one , They are both form'd of equall flesh & bone : And being one , their natures cannot varry , Credo is circumspect , his wife as warie . But he cornuted is , pray who did that , If 's wife , then Credo did consent that 's flat .

A penitent drunckard . WHen Will is druncke , he is obsequiously Deuoted to his prayers , doth weepe & cry : Sighes and is sorry for his acted sinne , And will a new and vertuous life beginne . But when religious Will hath left the pot , His zeale growes cold , his prayers are quite forgot : Then why is drunkennesse entitled sinne , When Will doth alwayes pray when he is in .

A fellow all wit , or wit all . I Pray you giue attention and be mute , Here comes old Spunge the Barbor with his Lute : Giue him his lap , and let him ( gratis ) feed , And hee 's your Fidler till his fingers bleed . But harke you sir , he hath a wife I thinke , True sir shee takes Tobacco , and will drincke Carowses with a Dutchman while hee le stand , Will sweare with any ruffian in the land . Will giue the lye to any Captaine too , Then shee le be stab'd , sir what is that to you : Yet she is vertuous Spundge , her husband sweares , And liues as chast as Dyan for her eares . For should shee ( as hee le tell you ) tread awry , Hee 'd slit her nose for her impuritie : But 's tongue goes false , as any tongue may trip . Thrice in afternoone he knew her slippe .

¶ Fortune fauours Fooles .

A Skippe-iacke . HEre comes a fellow of a light vocation , ( Perhaps an vsher of a dauncing schoole : ) Who was maintained by some of occupation , Doth now maintaine a lackie , and a foole . Fortune affects his art , and loues him too , For what I pray ? that which a Horse can doe .

A Fidler . ANother there in forme as light as he , Who liu'd by aires ( though not Camelion like : ) Doth now contemne his primitiue degree , And scornes his finger should a vyoll strike . Fortune be thanked ( and his chaunting tongue ) That gaue him liuing onely for a song .

In Flaccium . A tryed Friend . FLaccus is dry , and doth request his friend To satisfie his thirsty appetite : His Friend hath now great businesse to attend , And sweares he cannot tarry by that light . Flaccus is druncke , and meets his friend againe , And now forsooth his friend bestowes the wine : Flaccus receaues it and his sences bane , Shewes apish trickes , then imitates the swine : O you forget your selfe , true sir I doe , I knew my self vntill disguisde by you : I lou'd you once , here after i le despise ye , Because you le glut me , rather than suffice me .

Better late then neuer . BRiscus will turne good husband , marry fye , What wench is 't tush loose bodied Margerie : Good husband now , that nere was good in 's life , The better husband sir , the worser wife .

In Spumosum . A fine tongued Suter . SPumosus courts his wench , & thus doth prate , Adorned , pollisht , and immaculate : Repugne me not , but let thy lenity , Extend to me as to propinquity . Sweet , be propitious , not inexorable , Thy Amorosus is inviolable : And will perseuer with iucunditie , Till I descend my hopes profunditie . Sir , quoth his wench , beleeue me if you can , I le marry none except an Englishman : If you are , as you seeme not by your speaches , Reserue your Fustian for to patch your breeches .

Tom tell troth . MY loue sayth Tristram is as constant sure , As is the Moone , Diana , chast and pure : Credit his words , assured true they be , The Moone doth change each month , and so doth shee .

In Fatuum . A foole for companie . FAtuus will drincke with no such asse , That lets his iests ( vnapprehended ) passe : Or if he iest with such of shallow braine , He laughs himselfe to make his iest more plaine . Thus Fatuus doth iest and play the sany To laugh at 's selfe , hee s foole if there be any . DOleus shewes his purse and tells you this , It is more horride than a pest-house is : For in a pest-house many mortalls enter , But in his purse an angell dares not venter . So to declare th' infection for his sin , A crosse is set without , there 's none within .

In Fabulosum . MY word ( sweares Fabulus ) can now be tane For all the sutes that are in Birchin lane● Yet notwithstanding he doth scorne to weare , The quaintest sute of Sattin that is there . Lilkewise he can without or bond or bill , Take vp of any Scriuener what he will : Yet doth he scorne to be oblig'd to such , Whose imperfections any penne can tutch . As for his dyet , Vintners doe request He would vouchsafe to be their dayly guest : And swears he may command more wine a' the score , Then will make drunke 3 thousand men & more . Yet doth he scorne now by faire Phebus shine , To be indebted for a cuppe of wine : But Fabulus you lye , else why goest bare , Why pennilesse , why do'st thou hardly fare If such would trust thee ? trust thee , no not these , For clout , for crosse , for pennyworth of cheese .

In Furiosum . PRay you giue place to Furiosus there , Whose irefull looks presage that he will sweare , What 's he that dares deny to pledge his health , Or he that will not lend him halfe his wealth : Let him but see that man will say his spright Shall equall his , hee le kill him by that light : But where are these huge words & blowes so darted ? Faith in a Tauerne where he may be parted .

A second Diogenes . BEcause Diogenes on rootes did feed , Philosophaster turnes Diogenes : Obserues his dyet , and doth still proceed To imitate that Cynicks bitternes . Cals each man knaue he meets , but be it knowne , That title he doth giue them , is his owne . Why doth he feed on rootes continually ? Faith will you know , it is the cheapest dyet : Why doth he taxe mans vice so bitterly ? Because the world should iudge he doth defye it . Well this Philosopher deserues reward , Let him be iudg'd by Iohn in Paules churchyard .

A warme argument . LOue is a fire , so some Poets rumor , And women are the chimneys where it flameth : If so it be , I care not for loues humor , Nor will I harbor there where Venus gameth . And women ( meaning none but you so hot ) Your chimney corners shall be quight forgot .

In Credulum . I Le not belieue that fellow that will sweare He led an eager Lyon by the eare . Nor he that will affirme and rashly prate , He bodly pist at Pontius Pylates gate : But him I credit that will iustly say , He did ( at midnight ) by the sunshine play .

In Virosum . HOw Falstafe like , doth sweld Virosus looke , As though his paunch did foster euery sinne : And sweares he is iniured by this booke , His worth is taxt he hath abused byn : Swell still Virosus , burst with emulation , I neither taxe thy vice nor reputation .

The Conclusion . PAcke hence ye idle zanies of this age , Illitterate fooles , fit subiects for each stage : And do not murmur though your coats are course , They are too good for fooles if they were worse . FINIS .