Cupid's Whirligig Sharpham, Edward This text is an enriched version of the TCP digital transcription A12074 of text S117216 in the English Short Title Catalog (STC 22380). Textual changes and metadata enrichments aim at making the text more computationally tractable, easier to read, and suitable for network-based collaborative curation by amateur and professional end users from many walks of life. The text has been tokenized and linguistically annotated with MorphAdorner. The annotation includes standard spellings that support the display of a text in a standardized format that preserves archaic forms ('loveth', 'seekest'). Textual changes aim at restoring the text the author or stationer meant to publish. Martin Mueller Incompletely or incorrectly transcribed words were reviewed and in many cases fixed by Nayoon Ahn Kate Needham This text has not been fully proofread EarlyPrint Project Evanston IL, Notre Dame IN, St.Louis, Washington MO 2017 Distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License A12074.xml Cupids vvhirligig. As it hath bene sundry times acted by the Children of the Kings Majesties Reuels. Sharpham, Edward, 1576-1608. 43 600dpi TIFF G4 page images University of Michigan, Digital Library Production Service Ann Arbor, Michigan 2005 March (TCP phase 1) 99852431 STC (2nd ed.) 22380. Greg, I, 247(a). 17754 A12074 2240872647

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 Cupids vvhirligig. As it hath bene sundry times acted by the Children of the Kings Majesties Reuels. Cupids whirligig Cupids whirligig. Decamerone. Sharpham, Edward, 1576-1608. Boccaccio, Giovanni, 1313-1375. [84] p. Imprinted by E. Allde, and are to bee solde by Arthur Iohnson, at the signe of the white Horse, nere the great north doore of Saint Paules Church, London : 1607. 1607

Dedication signed: E:S, i.e. Edward Sharpham.

Based in part on day 7, novel 6 of: Boccaccio, Giovanni. Decamerone.

Signatures: A2 B-L4.

The last leaf is blank.

Variant: lacks words "As it hath .. Reuels." on title page.

Reproduction of the original in the Henry E. Huntington Library and Art Gallery.

 A12074 shc Cupid's Whirligig Sharpham, Edward Nayoon Ahn Kate Needham 1607 play comedy shc no A12074 S117216 (STC 22380). 86 29675 0 0 0 0 0 2 199.95 F The rate of 199.95 defects per 10,000 words puts this text in the F category of texts with 100 or more defects per 10,000 words. Incorporated ~ 10,000 textual changes made to the SHC corpus by Hannah Bredar, Kate Needham, and Lydia Zoells between April and July 2015 during visits, separately or together, to the Bodleian, Folger and Houghton Libraries as well as the Rare Book Libraries at Northwestern University and the University of Chicago

CVPIDS Whirligig .

As it hath bene sundry times Acted by the Children of the Kings Majesties Reuels .

LONDON . Imprinted by E. Allde , and are to bee solde by Arthur Iohnson , at the signe of the white Horse , nere the great North doore of Saint Paules Church . 1607 .

The Actors names . The Olde Lord Nonsuch . Alderman Venter . A Marchant Sir Timothy Troublesome . a iealious Knight The Lady Troublesome . The iealious Knights wife Maister Correction . The Pedant Mistris Correction . The Midwife Peg . The Ladie Troublesomes Kinswoman Nan . Old Venters Daughter . Nucome . The Welch Courtier Boy . Nucomes Page The foure Schollers . The young Lord Nonsuch a Begging Soldier . Slacke . a swaggering captaine . Maister Exhibition , The Ins-a-court man .
To his much honoured , beloued , respected , and iudiciall friend . Maister Robert Hayman .

SIR , I must needs discharge two Epistles vpon you the one the Readers , that should be like haile shot , that scatters and strikes a multitude , the other dedicatory , like a bullet , that aimes onely at your selfe : if either doe strike you , it shal bee at your choice , whether I shall hit you in the head , to let you vnderstand my meaning , or in the heart , to make you conceiue my loue : yet I must confesse , I had rather expresse my loue out of the flint , then my meaning in any part of the shot . I aime at you rather then the Reader , because since our trauailes I haue bene pregnant with desire to bring foorth something whereunto you may be witnesse , and now being brought a bed if you please to bee Godfather , I doubt not but this childe shal be wel maintained , seeing hee cannot liue aboue an houre with you , and therefore shall intreat you , when he is dead , he may be buried deepe enough in your good opinion , and he shall deserue this Epitaph :

Heere lies the Childe , who was borne in mirth , against the strict rules of all Childe-birth : and to be quit , I gaue him to my friend , Who laught him to death , and that was his end .

Yours while he is his owne : E : S
The Prologue OVr Authors Pen , loues not to swim in blood , He dips no Inke , from out blacke Acheron : Nor suckes inuention , from the depth of hell , Nor crosseth Seas to get a forraine plot . He taxes no Goddesses for foulest lust , Nor doth disclose the secret scapes of Ioue : He rips not vp the horred maw of hell , To shew foule treasons hideous ouglie face . Nor doth he touch the falles of mightie Kings , No antient Historie , no Shepheards loue . No states-mans life , no power of death he showes . He onely striues with mirth to please each one , Since laughter is peculiar vnto man . and being sure , freelie to speake can be no sinne , If honest wordes haue honest consturing . Therefore to flie the least cause of offence , He onely findes but words , you finde the sence : Wherfore , if ought vnto your eare taste tart , Thank but your selues , which good to ill conuert , Yet this he ought , hath stricktly charg'd me say : That hee 's a slaue , and of a base condition , That doth but draw it to suspition . That heere he priuately taxeth any man , Since all the world yeeldes vice to play vppon . What he intends , action shall make you knowe , I should fore-stall the play , should I but showe .
CVPIDS Whirligig .
The Scene in London . Enter Cupid . WIth feathered speede I pierc'd the Ayre , The cloudes a sunder I did teare , And thus with winges and bowe come I Newlie from Ioues hye Court in skie . My mother kis'd me at our parting , But did charge me leaue my darting , And with a strict commaund did say , Boy , on a Whirligig goe play . But such a round i le make him runne , As he shall end , where first begunne . My scourg-stickes shall be made of Darts , Fethered with sighes of Louers hearts . Which made them flie with swiftest flight , As lightning in tempestious night . My scourge it selfe , are golden tresses , More ritcher far then chaines of Esses . With which i le make some daunce a Iigge , More rounder yet then ere did Gig. But time doth call me to be gone , Yet first to all you lookers on , Before I part , I thus much tell , That Gods can goe invisibell . And though you do not all times eye me , Yet know at all times , I am by yee . And be assur'd , and doe not thinke But that you stand full nere the brinke Of my displeasure : which if ye winne , In loue i le make ye sinke or swimme . Thus farwell all , sit patient yet a while , Least Cupid make your selues , your selues beguile . Enter the old Lord Nonsuch Alderman Venter , Sir Timothy Troublesome . Venter .

MY Lord , you know your selfe and I haue long liu'd friends , and shal we now with firme affection knit ? tie fast our friendship in our Of-springs loue , conuey our cares in one , our goods together , and our loues in them , and whiles the remnant of our aged daies doe last , le ts do'ff all discontents , cast by the worldes incombers , and leaue the carefull burthen of keeping that , was care enough to get vppon the youthfull hope of their more able strength .

Old Lord .

O Neighbour Venter , doe you not knowe that to marrie a Childe , is but to marre a man ? for hee that cuts a tender twig in springing , both marres his length and spoiles his growing : my sonne shall first see twentie yeares of age , before my condesent shal once be giuen to make him father of a sonne : Besides , your daughter yet is very yong : and though in Womens sex 't is alwaies seene , desire to mariage rides alwaies in post ; yet in their Inne repentance is their host : the fault of this is alwaies knowne to be , through foolish husbands : or such as are to young , for Children to their wiues are like fruite halfe ripe , they yeeld no taste , nor giue no sweete delight .

Enter the young Lord . Ven.

Beholde , heere comes my young Lord , the verye modell of your selfe , the Vigor of your youth , and strength of all your future hopes .

Old Lord .

And hee is welcome , what suddaine gust ( my Sonne ) in hast hath blowne thee hither , and made thee leaue the Court , where so many earth-treading starres adornes the sky of state ? or as the summers speckled flowry garment is spread about the seate of Maiestie ? what is the reason thou hast left this earthly Paradice , to visite vs before our expectation ?

Young Lord .

My loue deare Father ( to your faire wife ) hath made my houres of absence from this place , seeme teadious yeares , I could not but returne from whence I came , as like to man , the which of clay was framde , at first did walke a while vpon the earth , but in the end return'd to dust ; or like a Riuer , which through the earth doth drawe his life and spring from out the sea . Thus I that from you sprung , haue runne my course awhile , but now as to my sea , returne to you againe .

Old Lord .

Thy answere with thy wisdome hath inrich'd thy welcome : deare friendes , I pray you set your handes to this my deed .

Exit olde Lord . Ven.

I doe my Lord , with all deuoted loue .

Exit . Ven. Kni.

And I which hate my wife his mistris : his welcome home , will breede my ill at home , I breede my hornes as Children teeth , with sicknesse and with paine : and yet I will with as smoothe a face as my wife will giue me leaue , make showe of welcome . Sir , I much reioyce to see you , and doubt not , but ere long , you 'le come & see where my poore house doth stand .

Young Lo.

Or else I were vnworthie of your loue if I neglect the visitation of so kinde friends as your selfe and my deare mistris .

Visitation ! my wife 's not sick , what visitation ? T is I am ill , t is the horne plague I haue , I am sure that 's not Gods visitation , yet they are the Lords tokens , for hee hath sent them me : but marrie when you will , i le trie and you bee a Chandler , i le see if you 'le take your owne tokens againe : wel , but in the mean time , I am marked for death , yet hee 'l be in the pit before me . O that I should bee a Cuckold ! a creature of the last edition , and yet of the olde print .

Enter Wages . Wag.

O sir , What make you heere , when there 's a gallant Gentleman newly come from Court , talking within with my Lady .

Kni.

Yet more Courtiers , more Gallants , more Gentlemen ? now in a hundred thousand horned diuils names , what makes a there ? what is a gone to bed to your Lady ? doth a Cuckold mee in mine own house , in mine own chamber ? nay in mine owne Sheets ? what he 's come to visite her to , is a not , ha ? But let me see , I haue now found out a tricke to know if my wife make me a Cuckold , I will geld my selfe , & then if my wife be with childe , I shal be sure I am a Cuckold , that will do braue yfaith , God a mercie braine .

Enter Lady and Newcome . La.

Sir , I am sorry that I cannot with that free scope of friendly entertainment , giue welcome to your worth , because a iealious spirit haunts my husband , which doth disturbe vs all , this diuill hath long vext him , and hee as long vext me , & were I not compos'd of more then of an ordinarie female spirit , the burthen of his wrongs would tyre me quite .

They meete and iustle .

Sir , this is my husband .

Nuc.

I cry ye mercy sir , I did not see ye .

Kni.

A man would thinke ye saw me , for I am sure yee haue hit me right enough .

pointing to his browes . Nuc.

I pray sir be not angrie , I haue not any way offended you , nor would —

Kni.

Nay , nay , though I be , ye may be friendes again with me in spite of my teeth , for looke ye sir : my wife and I are but one , and then though I fall out with you , you may fall in with her .

Nuc.

Sir , I come not to offend you , nor —

Kni.

Nay , nay , ye may , ye may yfaith , ye may , my wife is charitable , and would bee glad by such a meanes to make vs friends .

Nuc.

Sir , then knowe , I scorne my eyes should stand as witnesses vnto your Ladies wrongs , and let you goe vnpunished : slight see a sweet Lady abusde !

He drawes his sword . Lad.

Sir you shall not touch him , husband you are to blame , your madnesse makes you much forget your manners , and wronges my his birth , to make me the only cankerd , and worme eaten braunch that sprung out of my fafathers noble stocke . No , no , knowe that the tree from which I grew , brought foorth good fruite to all , not bad to you : but hence foorth i le shake handes with mirth ; and entertaine a carelesse humor : for looke ye sir , the Diuell giues this iellousie to man , as nature doth a taile vnto a Lyon , which thinkes in heat to beate away the Flies , when he doth moste inrage himselfe with it : but come sir , will ye bee my seruant , my sipher , my shadowe , or indeede anye thing ?

Nue.

Your shadowe if you please , and you my substance .

Lady .

With all my heart .

Kni.

I , I warrant her with al her heart , and now must be doe as all shadowes doe , when night comes , creeps into the substance .

Lad.

Say a doe , do' y heere husband , I heare doe vow before all the watchfull guard of heauen , that I haue liu'd as true vnto thy bed , & chaste vnto thy loue , as ere was Turtle to hir mate : but hence forrth cerimonious custome shall not curbe me of delight , let her be bridel'd by opinion , whose weake desires cannot break her raines : for my part , i le make you know my will is like a flint , smoothe and colde , but being hardly strooken , sparkles forth fire euen in the strikers eyes : I am a sham'd that I haue sa'id thus much , yet I may lawfully speake , for why ? come sir , will ye walke ? the prouerbe saies , giue loosers leaue to talke .

Exeunt Lady and Newcome . Kni.

O wages , wages , O honest wages ! what other Gallants come to your Lady in my absence ?

Wag.

Truely sir , sometimes there comes a proper yong Gentleman one Maister Woodlie .

Kni.

Would lie ! with whome would he lie good Wages ?

Wag.

Why with my Lady sir , and he could get her good will : but he is a Gentleman I can assure yee sir , for he walkes alwaies in bootes , but in troth his gentility is something decaying , his bootes are on their death-bed , for their soules are vpon parting , and I thinke he be a Souldier too , for his sword and his hangers are more worth then all his cloathes , and a is a verie proper man , for he is as tall as one of the Guard , and he wil come sometimes and take my Ladie by the hand , and pumpe for witte halfe an houre together .

Kni.

How doost meane , pumpe , ha !

Wag.

Why sir , thus he will take my Lady by the hand , and wring it halfe an houre together , and say nothing .

Kni.

Is that pumping for wit ?

Wag.

O sir I , for he that wringes a faire Lady by the hand , and saies nothing , doth but pumpe for witte , that 's certaine .

Kni.

A moste wittie exposition , of what yeares .

Wag.

Faith sir he 's indeede a man of no eares , for a hath beene on the Pillarie .

Kni.

But what makes the cropeard stallion with my wife then ?

Wag.

Alasse nothing but lies with her , and shee lies with him , would you haue any more ?

Kni.

More ! no , too much by heauen , nay then t wa's past suspisition , past doubt , past iealousie , is not my haires turnd all to hornes ? am I not a monstrous and deformed Beast ? my wife 's a Goddesse ( though not Diana ) she can transforme : I branch wages , I branch , do I not ? am not I a goodly screene for men to hang their hats vpon .

Wag.

Why sir ? ye are no Cuckold :

Kni.

No ? no Cuckold ? he lies with your Ladie , and your Ladie lyes with him , yet I am no cuckold .

Wag.

Why no , giue me but attention , and with a worde i le wipe away your hornes .

Kni:

No , no , wordes are to weake to wipe them off , when deede haue put them on .

Wag ,

But heare me sir .

Kni:

with open eares to swallow comfort .

Wag.

I met my Ladie and he fast by the Garden wall , & asking for your iealious worship , they both replide you were not iealious , this spoke they both together : in this , you know they both did lie together , and yet made you no cuckold .

Kni.

Ha! mean'st so ?

Wag.

Euen so indeede sir .

Kni.

Nay , then I crie ye mercy wife , yfaith shee yet may chance be honest .

Wag.

O sir , verie honest as a prettie Semsteris , or a poore waiting Gentlewoman .

Kni.

Well Wages , if I be a Cuckold —

Wag.

Why sir , what will ye doe if ye be ?

Kni.

What will I doe ? i le make it knowne , for I will bee a Cittizen , and so be a Subiect for Poets , and a slaue to my owne wife , therefore followe mee Wages , I will doo 't .

Exeunt omnes . Enter the Lady alone . Lad.

O griefe ! how thou torment'st me , it dwels in mine eyes , feastes on my blood : swimmes in my teares , and lodges in my heart . O heauen ! haue I deseru'd this plague ? O Husband ! why should'st thou vse mee thus ? was not my behauiour vnto thee as soft as Downe , as smoothe as pollish'd christall , I and my loue as cleere ? was I not like a hand-maide , euen obedient to thy verye thoughts ? did not my nuptiall duetie like a shadowe followe the verie turning of thine eye ? Oh! thou once didst loue mee , but thy loue was too hot , and like to selfe consuming fire , it burnt out , and how soone , t is turn'd to colde ashes , & therfore hencefoorth i le seeme iealious of him : for since all indeuours faile , i le now trye if Iealousie can driue out iealousie : and here is fit occation for to work vpon : Why how now Husband , wooing of another wife before my death , whence comes this ? in my conscience t is a plague that Cupid hath laine vppon mee for sleeping croslegd in your absence . What , are ye growne as wearie of your wife as of a foule shirt ? must ye be changing ?

Peg.

Good madam be patient .

La.

Patient ! no , you are his patient , and he is your Phisitian , a ministers to ye ( with a Morbus Gallicus take ye both ) I pray forsooth let mee bee your Butler , and scrape your Trenchers , since I am alreadye faine to liue of your leauinges .

Kni.

Woman , art Iellious ?

La.

I .

Kni.

Why ?

La.

Because you giue me cause : but man are you iealious ?

Kni.

I .

La.

why ?

Kni.

Because thou giuest me cause .

La.

T is false .

Kni.

True , false , thou hast beene false indeed , abusd my bed , infected euen my verrie blood , and made it growe to hard impostumes on my browes : hast thou not wantonly , chang'd naked imbracements with strangers ? abus'd thy nuptial vowe ? hath not thy vnsatiate womb , brought forth the bastardie of lust to call me father ? but i le abandon thee , disclaime that , and hate ye both .

Nue.

Do' y heare me sir , vpon my conscience you doe wrong your Ladie .

Kn.

If I wrong her , you le doe her right , I beare a blow of yours , the which I neuer felt , you are like a mans Taylor that workes with open shop for the Husband , but if you chance to doe any thing for the wife , you must doe it inwards , inwards ! you are a good workeman , I must needes say 't : you haue fitted my wiues body , how sa' y wife , has a not ?

La.

Not , but you can euen in my sight cast amorous glances on others : you haue forsook my bed , abhorred my presence , and like a man past grace and shame , strout like a pimpe before a wanton feather waging minkes at hie noone : besides , did not I finde thee kissing of thy Maide ?

Kni.

Did not I finde thee in priuate conference with my horsegroome ?

Lad.

Didst thou not offer thy maide a new gowne , for a nights lodging ?

Kni.

Didst not thou giue a Diamond to the Butler ?

Lad.

Didst not thou send a bow'd Angel to thy Landressse Daughter ?

Kni.

No t is false .

Lad.

Yes , t is true , and then when I told thee on 't , thou swarest t was out of charitie , because the Wench was poore , her Father an honest man , and her Mother a painful woman : for these and these causes you were kinde vnto the Daughter , great whil'st I was contented to beleue , because I was vnwilling , like a faint harted Soldier to looke of myne owne wounds , vntill I saw thou daylie woundst my loue a new , and slew'st thine one reputation .

Kni.

Art mad ?

Lad.

No , but a little Iealious like you , I will no longer mantaine thy , sanguine sin , sooth lust with patience , nor in broken singing language flatter thy folly , as sweet hart do not wander : for I doe loue thee deare as doth a Goose her Gander : a Goose indeed for if ought but a Goose , I should a sought reuenge for wronges .

Kni.

What art drunke ?

La.

No , for I haue sufficient reason , too much knowledge , and sence enough to feele my wronges : why should wee women bee slaues to your imperfections ? haue wee not soules of one mettall , are we not as free borne as you ? are we not all Adams Of-spring ? did not you fall as well with him as wee , and shall wee bee still kept downe and you rise ?

Kni.

Doost heare ? ye are a sort of vncertaine giddy wauering , tottering tumbling creatures , your affections are like your selues , and yourselues like your affections , vp & downe , like the tuckes on your Petticotes , which you let fall and take vp as occasion serues : I haue seene of your sex fall in loue with a man , for wearing a hansome Rose on his shoe : another fall into the passion of the heart , to see a man vntie his pointe , to make water : a third fall into the shaking Ague for eating a bodie cherry with two stones , and yet you l ' be fellowes , euen with the verie image of your maker : but wilt let me alone , and yfaith i le be quiet .

La.

A lone ! faith no .

Kni.

Then i le leaue thee , since I know t is folly beyond madnesse , to make her pleasure cause of my sadnesse .

Exit . Knight . Nue.

Beleeue it Lady , this was well done , and like a Lady of a hie birth : make your husband know his aduauncement .

La.

O shadow , shadowe , I would haue you knowe I would not wrong him for all the seas drown'd ritches : for if my heart of bloud should doe it as hee supposeth it doth , euen that bloud would like a traytor write my faultes with blushing redde vpon my cheekes : but because I ( as all women and Courtyers doe ) loue good cloathes which his eyes weare , yet hee abraides me , swearing t is to please the multitude , and that I spread gay raggs about mee like a nette to catch the hearts of strangers : if I goe poore , then hee sweares I am beastly , with a loathed sluttishnesse : if I bee sad , then I grieue hee is so neare : if merrie , and with a modest wantonising kisse Imbrace his Loue , then are my twistings more dangerous then a Snakes , my lust more vnsatiate then was Messalinas : Yet this from Iealiousie doth alwaies growe . What moste they seeke they loth'st of all would knowe . But now to you deare Cousen , forgiuenesse let mee aske , and pardon for my fained Iealousie , and take but thus much of my counsaile . Marrye not in hast , for she that takes the best of Husbands , puts but on a goulden fetter , for husbands are but like to painted fruite , which promise much , but still deceaues vs when wee come to touch : if you match with a Courtier , hee le haue a dozen mistresses at least , and repent his marriage within foure and twentie houres at moste , swearing a wife is fit for none but an olde Iustice or a countrie Gentleman . If ye marry a Citizen ( though ye liue neuer so honest ) yet yee shall bee sure to haue a Cuckold to your Husband . If a Lawyer , the neatenesse of his Clarke will drawe in question the good carriage of his wife . If a Merchant , hee le be venturing abroad , when a might deale a great deale more safe at home : therfore come Cousen come , le ts home , and this take of mee , That amongst the best there 's none good , all ill : shee 's marryed best that 's : wedded to her will .

Exeunt Omnes . Enter the Young Lord . Young Lo.

They say Cupid is a boy , yet I haue known him confute the oppinon of all your Phylosphers : for they hold euerie light thing tendes dyrectlye vp : but I thinke all knowe hee makes euerie light wench , fall directly downe . Well I am sure a hath knocked mee with his bird bolt , for the which Venus giue him correction ; for I doe alreadie loue a Ladye of an imcomparable delicacie , but shee 's another mans , and will shutte her eares as close to keepe out charmes , as great men doe their gates , to keepe in almes . Yet I haue no reason to dispaire , for I haue kis'd her , and the French prouerbe saies , Fame baissee est demie ioyee , a woman kis'd is halfe inioyed : but I feare he meanes but the vpper halfe .

I haue heere a Letter must worke a strange thing , and yet no miracle , it must make a Ladie loue her friend better then her owne husband .

Enter Wagas . Wag.

Saue ye my Lord .

Lor.

O Wages ! what Tennis-ball ha's fortune taken thee for , to tosse thee thus into my way ?

Wag.

I hope yee will not strike me into any hazard of my life though .

Lor.

But what 's the newes my Lad , what 's the newes ? how doth Sir Timothie Troublesome , that iellious knight thy Maister .

Wag.

Why sir , a doth with his wife like a cowardly Captaine in a towne of Garrison , feares euerie assault , trembles at the battery , and doubts moste , least the gates should bee opened , and his enemie let in at midnight .

Lor.

Now in the name of destiny who feares a ?

Wag.

O sir , next to you self , none so much as your Courtier , for euen with vennum'd Breath , a speaks of them : for saith he , haue but a suite to one of them , & they are like Iourdaines , which though ye open the Fludgates of your bountie , and fill them to the verie brimme , yet thei le alwaies stand gaping for more .

Lor.

But doost thou thinke his Ladie honest ?

Wag.

As womans flesh may be .

Lor.

But shee ha's beene a Courtier , and therfore knowing moste good , me thinkes she would commit least ill .

Wag.

O sir , I will not but with sanctified and halowed thoughts , touch Sinthias brightest beames , whome all eyes doe adore , and hearts doe worship : where purest chastitie doth shine in spotlesse robes of splendant maiestie , where nature emulating heauen to make her euen as faire as she is vertuous , but yet I well could wish , you know that in the skie of Court are many starres , the which at midnight shoote and fall .

Lor.

True , through moste of the twelue signes , for they shoote from their Husbands at Aries ( which gouerns the head ) and fall at Scorpio , and so indeede they shoot from top to taile : but honest Wages , will ye binde me to 'y .

Wag.

I thinke sir t will not bee so much for your health , as if I should keepe you sollable .

Lor.

I meane in courtesie good Wages .

Wag.

O the the verie name of good Wages , wil make a Seruingman doe any curtesie .

Lor.

Then be friend me thus , deliuer this Letter to your Ladies owne hand , with as much secrecie as ye may , and take this for your imployment .

Wag.

As secret as shee that sel's complexion : none but the chamber-Maide shall know it .

Exeunt at two dores .
Actus secundus Scena prima . Enter Ladie alone with a Letter .

YE haue your eyes like Sunne-glasses , catch'd the heate of my beautie , & cast it on your owne heart , and doth your sighes like bellowes , make it more inflambe ? then spend your teares to quench it , for my chaste blouds honour shall neuer doe it . Lust , it 's like an ouer-swollen riuer , that breakes beyond all boundes : it 's a Diuell bred in the blood , nurc'd in desire , & like a Sallamander liues in a continuall fire : it sprouteth larger then the Iuie , which imbraceth , twisteth and intangleth euerie one within his reach , & makes no choice betwixt the goodliest Caeder & the stinckingst Elder : it 's a foule vsurper on the name of loue , and raignes with greater domination then an Emperor : it 's a verie leperous Itche , it staines , and leaues a fouler spot vppon the soule then teares can wash away : but my chaste thoughts shall watch mine honour : i le muster vp my prayers to fight against temptation : shall I that haue bin a commaunder of my selfe , now proue a slaue to sinne ? No , no , my mounting thoughts doe soare too high a pitch to stoope to any strangers lure . Say that a pecuish Flye intangled were within my neuer-shorne tresses , should I to saue his life , cut and deforme me of so rich an ornament ? What though the Lord Nonsuch within my loue intangled bee , must my honour now be clipt to set him free ? No , no , my sawe is this and euer shall : he that on hope doth climbe doth often fall . But what shall I doe ? a writes heere a will come : wit of a Woman now assist me , O aperne stringes be now auspitious , for here 's my Husband , something I must doe : I ha 't .

Enter Knight . Kni.

Now faire mistris : this is strange to finde you here alone :

La.

Not alone , but inuiron'd and accompained .

Kni.

With what ?

La.

With many heart-biting thoughts , which like Actteons houndes haue almoste slaine my selfe , yet now my constancie shall proue a glasse , in which your selfe shal see your own errors : the Lord Nonsuch which you haue long suspected , with vnrebated edge of lust , hath awaies sought , ( I must confesse ) to cut my verie reputations throate , & this night —

Kni.

This night ?

La.

I this night , but heare me husband :

Kni.

No no , cuckold me , kill me with griefe , doe , doe , & when I am deade marry him : a ha's made you a ioynter alredy of Breech downe : wel wife well , I marryed you out of the Countrie , but you haue learn'd the Cittie fashions already : I am a Cuckold , I am , but ignorance that I was to marry thee so young , not being able scarce to put thine owne apparell on .

La.

I was the fitter for a Husband , ye might then a bin sure to haue taken me a bed at all times ,

Kni.

True , so might other men too .

La.

No , ye are deceiu'd husband , other men neuer lie with a mans wife but when she is ready for them , but to the purpose : this night haue I promis'd the Lord Nonsuch a shall inioy my loue , for which cause hee will send a certaine Pander before , for feare you stand a rocke in his way , on which all his hopes will suffer ship-wracke . Now this same Panderlie Pylate shall bee by you bribed to stand sentinell , and giue the watchword when a comes , that you may then punnish him , either with death or feare .

Kni.

O shallowe and womannish inuention , as if he wold betray his maister .

La.

Tut money often times corrupts a good , disposition and makes a knaue ride poast to hell .

Kni.

But is this true ? art honest indeede ? come hither , doost loue me , doost ? nay but tell me true , doost ?

La.

Or else in hatred let me euer liue .

Kni.

Doe not flatter me , I scarce beleeue thee , thou neuer kissest me but with such an affection , as a young wife doth an olde husbande wringing her lippes , and making a mouth as if she were taking a Potion .

La.

You distast me much sir .

Kni.

Dost not distats me too sometimes , tell me true ?

La.

Nothing but your Iealousie .

Kni.

Well prethee forgiue mee and le ts goe , but i le so swindge my Lord a horson otter , i le teach him fish in other mens ponds .

Exeunt omnes . Enter Young Nonsuch and Wages . Lor.

Did you deliuer my Letter ?

Wag.

With secrecie .

Lor.

To her selfe ?

Wag.

Her owne handes .

Lor.

Made she any answer ?

Wa.

Not any .

Lor.

What other newes then rides on the back of report ?

Wag.

Why they say sit that mistris Correction the Midwife is turn'd herMaphrodit .

Lor.

Why Hermaphrodit ?

Wag.

Why sir , she is become a Midwife , for as your hermaphrodit hath two members the one to beget , the other to bring foorth , so hath your Midwife too meanes , the one to bring you to beget , the other to bring it foorth when t is begotten : and looke you sir , heare shee appeares vpon her Q.

Enter Mistris Correction . Lor.

O prethee doe thou boord her as she passes by .

Wag.

Who I boord her ? by this light I dare not .

Lor :

Then I will : fairely met faire Mistris .

Mist : Cor.

Indeede forsooth I haue bin , by my truth I see he is a fine spoken man .

Lor :

Where abouts is your house faire Lady ?

Mist. Cor.

Heere fast by sir , not aboue a couple of stones cast off .

Wag.

What Gentlewomen haue ye at home ?

Mist. Cor.

O Maister Wages , how do' y ? faith sir I haue no body at home but mistris Punckit , you knowe her well .

Lor.

What 's she ?

Mr. C.

Truly sir a very courteous Gentlewoman , & she loues to act in as cleane linnen as any Gentlewoman of her function about the towne , and truly that 's the reason that your sincere puritanes cannot abide to weare a Surplesse , because they say t is made of the same thing that your villanous sin is committed in , as your most prophane holland .

Wag.

Pra'y when was Maister Wrastler of the Guard at your house ?

Mi. Co.

Who he ? in troth Mi. Punckit cannot abide him , she sweares a lookes for all the world like the Dominicall Letter in his red Coate : no Maister Wages no , I can tell ye I haue other manner of Guestes come to my house then he : I haue Pentioners , and Gentlemen Vshers , Knights , Captaines and Commaunders , Lieftennants , and Antients , volluntary Gentlemen , I , & men that weare their clokes linde through with veluet ; I entertaine no Mutton eating Innes a court men , no halfe linde cloake Citizens : nor flat capt Prentises , no , the best come to my house , Maister New-come the Courtier was there the other day , and truely he wold haue had some dealing with Mi. Punckit , but that he had no siller : and yet I must needes say 't , a would a put her in verie good obscuritie , for a brought a Gentleman with him that wold a giuen his word in a consumption of twentie pound , that a should a paied her at next meeting , and truely but that her trade standes so much vppon present payment , and partlie for mortallities sake , I thinke else she would a taken it , and yet before a went , I must needes say 't , a shewde himselfe like an honest Gentleman and a Courtier , for a left his Perriwigge in pawne : but had you seene how a look'd , for all the world like an Estridges egge , with a face drawne of the one side .

Lor

What other guestes haue ye ?

Mi. Cor.

There comes maister Exhibition of the Innes a court verrie often , and Maister Angell-taker the counseller comes sometimes , but Mistris Punckit dooth so iest with him , she sweares to him as she hopes to be saued , and I may tell you sir , there 's great hope on 't , for truely shee vseth iust and vpright dealing with euerie man , but as I said , as shee hopes to bee saued , she would not marry him of all the men in the world .

Lor.

No , why ?

Mi. Cor.

Because she saies that Lawyers are like Trumpeters , they sell their breath .

Lor.

Shee 's a foole tell her , the Lawyers are the pillars of the Realme .

Mist. Cor.

Yes forsooth so I said but she said they were not onely the Pillers but the Polers also , but I pray you sir of what profession are you ?

Lor.

Faith of none Gentlewoman , onely a young gallant as you see .

Mi , Cor.

A yong Gallant , say you lisaith , i le quickly try that by and by , do' y heare sir , do' y heare ?

Putting her hand to her purrsse . Lor

What say you Gentlewoman ?

Mi. Cor.

I pray can you giue me ten shillings for a peece of golde .

Lor.

Yes that I can .

Mi. Cor.

O sir , O sir , I perceiue you are no gallant ifaith , it would goe deepe my friend , I may tell you for a young gallant to change three groates for a shilling , & t were great fish , I may tell you too , to Angle for in a gallants greate hose .

Lor.

Hold mistresse , spend that for my sake , and it shall not be long ere I will come and visit your house .

Mist : Cor.

I thank your worship , sir , i le bee so bold as to take my deliuerance out of your company .

Lor.

Farwell .

Wag.

God be with you mistresse Correction .

Mist. Cor.

The like to you good Maister Wages , but doe you heare sir , I hope if your worship come to my house , if there be no body at home but my selfe , though I am an old woman , yet I hope your worship will not dispise age .

Lor.

No , no , feare not that .

Mist. Cor.

I thanke ye heartily sir .

Lor.

With all my heart , Wages farwell , and bring but an answere of my letter ; and I will be thy pay-maister , not thy debter .

Exeunt . Enter Nuecome , Wages and Peg. Peg :

I vnderstand so much by your name good Maister Nuecome .

Nan :

And I am in grace too Lady , what my soules sweet secretarie ! you are fairely met indeed , how doth old Venter thy father ?

Nue:

O how perfum'd your Courtiers phraisies are : I left him in health sir .

Wag.

O I , they speake in print I can tell you , and though it be a sinne , to rob a man of his learning yet Courtiers are verie sildome blamde for getting out of any mens bookes .

Peg :

Yet I haue knowne them steale out of them ere now .

Nan :

Nay then you le make a Courtier a Theefe :

Peg :

I , such a one as the good theefe was .

Man :

Masse I wonder what Country man that good theef was ?

Nue:

O , a was my countryman Lady , hee was a borderer on North wales , I can assure you .

Nan :

Indeede and so I thinke , for not to flatter ye , manye of your Country men haue prooued good theeues euer since : but I pra'y tell me , is it the fashion of your north wales , to suffer your beards to grow vpwards thus , in spite of your nose ?

Nue:

Yes Lady , al of vs that are Courtiers : marrie before when we were poore countrie fellowes , wee suffered our beardes careleslie to growe downeward , and then they growe into our mouths in spite of our teeth , now you know haire is but excrement , & for mine owne part , I had rather haue my excrement in my nose , then in my teeth .

Peg :

I haue heard moste of your Country men are verry actiue men .

Nue:

O Lady , I haue seene a youth of eighteene yeares in our Countrie , would a caper'd ye , thus hye !

Wag.

'T as bin in a string then .

Peg :

Is it possible ?

Nan :

Nay , beleeue it , a would haue done it with all his heart , but hee could not .

Peg

They say to , moste of your Countriemen are verie valiant

Wag.

O I , they terrifie their enemies with patience .

Nue.

O , we make the excellent'st Souldiers in the world .

Peg :

I , but they say , they cannot presse a man to the warres though , in all your countrie .

Nue:

yes Knights :

Nan :

Why Knights ?

Nue.

To saue our Landed men at home .

Nan :

I haue heard , moste of ye are great Trauailers .

Nue:

I , for france Spaine and England , and such neighbour countries , why I haue beene as farre as Winchester my selfe .

Wag.

Indeede t is true , some of ye Trauaile so far abroad as ye come short home many times .

Reg:

I haue heard ye are all Gentlemen .

Nue:

Indeede I must confesse Lady , we haue few beggers , and those we haue , we reward according , for if he bee a lustie Knaue , we giue him a Lawyers almes , tell him of the stature : if a poore and decrepit fellowe , we giue him a Citizens wiues charitie , cry God helpe him , God helpe him .

Peg :

By your leaue Maister Nuecome , mee thinkes you haue a prettie lace on your band

Nue:

A prettie slight court lace , all showe , all showe .

Nan .

What 's this , a shirt that ye weare ? else t is a mocke-begger with strips .

Nue.

No , t is a shirt Lady .

Nan .

What , did you make this Doublet new , or else ye new made it ?

Nue.

Yes I made it new Lady ?

Nan .

Beleeue me sir but the livings are olde .

Peg ,

Fie , they are greasie .

Nue,

I thinke they are something sweatie indeede with hunting .

Nan .

Hunting : why a man neede not hunt far for game , what s this ?

She findes a louse . Nue:

O , a Sallamander Ladie , t is a Sallamander bredde with the continuall heate of sweating —

Peg :

What 's your breech made all of one stuffe Maister Nuecome ?

Nue:

Pray why doe you aske ?

Peg :

Because me thinkes the soile change 's here behinde

Wag.

I , and so doth the ayre as well as the soile I warrant ye .

Nan :

What are these hose made of the newest fashion ye haue at Court ?

Nue.

Faith Lady for mine owne part I am no mans Ape , this is my fashion , and sometimes I stand in the presence with my cloake linde through , either with veluet or with Taffata , if with Veluet , I let him hang on my shoulder , making the greatest showe , carry my hat heere .

Peg.

Now by the soule of chastitie I sweare , a is a proper man .

Nue:

If any man passe by and salute me , I salute him againe , but if any Lady or Gentlewoman glide through the presence , and cast her eye on mee , as commonly they vse to doe on men , that makes any showe or glister as I alwaies doe .

Nan .

Ye ! alwaies making glisters , I holde my life he is a Portecarie , doe you neuer make no suppositors sir ?

Nue.

I keepe my place of standing , carry my bodye stiffe and vpright , blush not , am impudent enough , when perchance the heate of the Ladies affection makes her take a place of standing , either against the hanginges or one of the bay windowes , and therewith a greedie eye feedes on my exteryors , which perceiuing , I drawe to her , kisse my hand , & accorst her thus .

Enter Knight . Nan :

I pra'y accorst her anon sir , and le ts stand close and trouble not true iellousie in the picture of Hieronimo , in a little volume .

Peg.

See , see how a lookes , doe you not perceiue his heart beate hither ?

Nan .

I , for all the world like the Denmarke Drummer .

Wag.

Peace , heare what a saies .

Kni :

Forgiuenesse wife : O how haue I wrong'd thee , O who would abuse your sex , which truely knowes ye ? O women were we not borne of ye ? should we not then honour you ? nurs'd by ye , and not regard ye ? begotten on ye , and not loue yee ? made for ye , and not seeke ye ? and since we were made before yee , should we not loue and admire ye as the last ? and therefore perfect'st work of nature , Man was made when nature was but an apprentice , but woman when she was a skilfull Mistresse of her Arte , therefore curssed is he that doth not admire those Paragons , those Moddels of heauen , Angels on earth Goddesses in shape : by their loues we liue in double breath , euen in our Ofspring after death . Are not all Vices masculine , and Vertues feminine ? are not the Muses the loues of the learned ? doe not all noble spirits followe the Graces because they are women , there 's but one Phoenix and shee 's a female : Is not the Princes and foundres of good artes Minerua , borne of the braine of highest Ioue , a woman ? haue not these women , the face of loue the tongue of perswasion , the body of delight ? O deuine perfectiō'd , women , whose praises no tongue can ful expresse , for that the matter doth exceede the labour , O if to be a Woman bee so excellent , what is it then to be a woman inritch'd by nature , made excellent by education , noble by birth , chaste by vertue , adorn'd by beautie : A faire woman which is the ornament of heauen , the grace of earth , the ioy of life and the delight of all sence , euen the verie summum bonum of mans life .

Nue:

O monstrous herresie , he will bee damb'd for that error .

Wag.

Nay , let him alone , for he had like to bene burnt for that opinion ere now , had not a friend of mine pluckt the fire from the stake .

Nue:

Come , le ts breake out vppon him .

Nan :

O no good sir , though it be a thing much giuen to your name , yet let not vs breake out , let vs not showe such childish partes .

Peg.

Saue ye Knight .

Kni.

And blesse ye Lady , O sirra , are you there ? come ye hither , what 's that strange Lady there ?

Wag.

I thinke it be mistris Babee sir , maister Nuecome's Mistresse , for she lookes like an Northerne Lasse , made of a strange fashion , something like a Lute , all bellie to the necke .

Kni.

So , like a Lute , and you like a skilfull musitian haue bin fingring it .

Nan :

How does your good Ladie Knight , how doth she ?

Kni.

Well I praise Hymē , and I adore my stars , she hath no acquaintance with such a female flie as you are .

Nan :

What meanes he by that ?

Peg ,

Why I thinke a meanes you are but a light huswife , but come let 's leaue him .

Nan :

Light Huswife , hang him dogged Cinicke .

Nue:

Farwell Knight .

Exeunt Nue : Nan , & Peg. Nan ,

Forgiuenesse wife .

Kni.

Now the plague of Egipt light vppon you all , Lice deuour ye ye come : hether sirra , what 's the cause you keep such villanous company ?

Wag.

I keepe their company moste sir for good vittailes , for you keepe such a villanous house , as if t weare alwaies Easter eue , wee still hope for better : and you know your Cooke is gone already sir , for feare a should forgette his occupation with you . Besides sir , if any man come to your house to dinner though he hop vppon one legge , yet euerie man saith a comes to fast , and for mine owne part sir , you haue giuen me nothing since I came vnto you .

Kni.

O thou pampred lade ! what wouldst thou haue ? what wouldst thou feede on Quailes ? art thou not Fat ? is not thy neck brawne , thy leg calfe ? thy head beefe , & yet thou wants meate .

Wag.

No sir , but I would willingly haue some wages .

Kni.

Well , i le thinke on 't , and so goe call your mistresse .

Wag.

Looke you sir , heere she comes without calling .

Kni:

Saue your honesty then , and be gone without bidding .

Wag :

I vannish sir .

Exit Wages Kn :

Do so : O my sweet wife , my selected spouse , the very vessel of chastitie , fild to the very brim with Hymen zeale & nuptial duetie : how haue I abus'd thee ? but I haue washt repentance euen in teares , and in thy absence I haue dedicated sacred sighes vnto thee to appease thy wrath : therfore tel me sweet wife , when comes this pander , when comes he ?

Lad.

I muse he staies so long , he should a beene by promise here an houre since , and looke heere a comes ?

Enter Lord disguised . Kni:

O you are welcome Sir , welcome yfaith , but when comes your Lord ? is he at hand , wil a come ?

Lor.

My Lord sir , what Lord ?

Kni:

Nay , come , come , make not the matter strange man , my wife hath told me all , you are an honest man , holde , holde , will ye but be friend mee now , and watch another dore vnto my house , and giue me notice when a comes , while I watch this .

Lor.

O now I see the trick on 't , his wife hath guld him with a lie & made him beleeue I am but a pore seruingman onely to injoy my loue : O kinde woman ! O sweet Lady ! nay now I see she loues me .

Kni.

O excellent wife , how trew she tolde me , what a beast haue I bin still to wrong her with suspect .

Lor.

Faith sir I see ye are a verie worthy Gentleman , and for mine owne part I shall be glad to doe you any pleasure , for to tell you true , I thinke my Lord meanes to Cuckolde you indeede .

Kni.

Why that s well saide , holde hear's one Angell more , and goe but with my wife , shee le show you the other dore while I watch this : and if a come , knocke him downe , kill him , and lay the fault on mee , i le please you for your paines , looke , here 's a club will holde .

La.

Giue me , giue me , come .

Kni.

Goe wife , goe with him , see a stand stifly too 't , and if occasion serue .

Lad.

I warrant yee husband , feare it not , but i le doe my part .

Exeunt Wife and Lord . Kni.

Why that s well saide , and if a come to this dore , i le teach him come to tie his mare in my ground , but what a slaue haue I bin still thus to suspect my wife , I could neuer feele any hornes I had , and yet I knowe my scull is so thin that if my wife should a Cuckold me with the least thing in the world , yet my hornes would a growne through now am I for my Lord .

Enter Lord and the Lady at an other dors. Lor :

Now faire mistresse , this far through the mouth of danger am I come & made my passage euen through her life . deuoring Iawes to feaste mine eyes vppon this beautie , which makes mee thinke all danger 's but a sport , so you receiue and wrap me in your loues imbracements , and take holde of this faire occation , for well you knowe your Husbands Iealousie will turne this proffered time like fortunes wheele , and drowne our fairest hopes euen in dispaire , if you be tedious in our loues effectes , and therefore since your witte hath safely plotted my arriuall heere ; proceed euen to the vtmost listes of my desire , and make me happie in the fruition of your long desired loue .

Kni .

O my Lord , shal a smile , a good word , a little kind behauiour , or the title of deere seruant , make your hopes to swel into so greate a sea of lust , as presently to euer-flow and drowne the honour of your Mistris ? O my Lord no , your iudgement much deceiues you of my disposition : besides , I sent not for yee , it was your leud vnbrideled will , that made you thus come gallop heither : yet by my meanes I must confesse as yet you are vnknowne , and in some sort I glad your beeing heere , onely to make you knowe , that neither fairest occasions nor greatest perswasions shal euer make mee violate my faith to him I owe my loue ; No my Lord I know I durst to trust my selfe against the moste of opportunitie and strength of all tempation , and though my husband watch you at the doore , yet know within , my conscience watcheth mee though he be blinded with a tricke , yet the cleare all-light giuers eyes doe see : therefore good my Lord be gone , you see my husband is wilfull bent , and if he chance to know you , I much doubt your safetie .

Lor.

But is this my paines requitall and my loues reward ?

Kni,

Alasse my Lord , what would you haue ? my loue is not myne owne .

Lor.

Well , farwel Lady , you may repent this yet ere long : yet peace fond breath , least threates my plots beguile : vengence intended pollicie , must smile .

Exeunt Lord & Lady Enter Lord . Kni.

Are ye going sir , are ye going , what will not your Lord come ?

Lor.

I thinke not sir , his houre is past long since , some other businesse hinders him .

Kin.

Gods my passion , what doe I see , this is hee , I see his chaine : nay but looke you sit , when will you come againe ? by this light I see his signet ring .

Lor.

Assure your selfe sir , i le bring you notice before my Lord come .

Kni.

Nay , but will you sure ? shall I trust to you ? for looke ye sir , and if you should not come , pra'y stay a little , me thinkes your band is torne .

Lor :

It 's no matter no matter .

Kn.

No , t is not now I sent , by this hand t is he , t is he , what should I doe , now if I should strike him , hee would be to hard for me , for he is better arm'd then I .

Lor.

Well sir , I le take my leaue of you , till your occasion shall neede my presence .

Kni.

Fare ye well sir , I hope that shall be neuer : but haue not I spun a faire thred thinke you , to be a verry Baude , an arrant wittall , to giue them oportunitie , put them together , Nay holde the dore the whil'st this is my wiues plot , by which I haue saild to Cuckolds hauen yet my saile was but a smocke , which shee her selfe hoist vp alas alas , Gentlemen doe you not knowe the Philosopher saith this world is but a stage : hodie mihi , cras tibi my part to day , it may be some of yours to morrowe why t is but matrimoniall chance , wee that are Cuckolds should be wissest men , for no men else doe knowe their endes , but wee knowe ours , for we are forked at both O thou powerfull and celestiall Ioue ! strike downe from heauen some congealed boltes of thunder , that it may pierce the wombe of earth , and through it send thy lightning flames to make hell hotter then it is , or with Egiptian dampes and rotten iawes renouate thy eating plague of life , dissolue nature , consume earth , destroy hell , and dambe woman I beseech thee into a deeper dungeon then the Deuill . They fill men with diseases , and giue the wane-eyde Sunne of Heauen cause to smile to see our paines : shall the gaping of graues , the scritching of Ghostes , and cries of damned soules , yet longer bee defer'd ? shall time incorporate with sinne , and beget more mischiefe ? shall hell bee better furnished with women then with Deuils ? infernall Lucifer will muster vp his female soules against thy dietie , vnlesse thou doe abridge the course of sinne by cutting off the increase of women , and then wee shall haue no more cuckolds . Come ye hether wife , come ye hether , pra'y tell me one thing true .

Enter Lady . Lady .

True : why husband , i le lye for no mans pleasure .

Kni:

Yes , for his pleasure that is gone .

La.

For his pleasure , why for his pleasure ?

Kni.

Because you are a Puncke wife , a puncke .

La.

Now Ioue blesse me .

Kni:

You are a Cockatrice wife , a cockatrice

La.

Now heauens defend me .

Kni:

You are a whore wife , a whore .

La.

Sir , the man is mad .

Kni:

I , horne mad , ah thou vile perfidious , detestable , lasciuious , vnsatiable , Luxurious and abhominable strumpet , was it not enough to be an Acteon , a cornuto , a cuckolde , but to make mee a Baude , a Pimpe , a Pander ?

La.

What Pimpe ? what Pander ?

Kni:

What Pimpe ? what Pander ? why was not this the Lord Nonsuch ? did I not see his chaine , nay prethee say t wa's not he , nay sweare it too : ouer shooes ouer bootes , since yee haue waded to the bellie in sinne , nay now goe deeper euen to the breast and heart .

La.

Pra'y heare me husband .

Kni,

What vile excuses canst make , how canst thou hide thy lust ? wouldst wrap thy sinne in periurie to muffell vp thy villany ?

La.

Nay good Husband for pittie sake hear me .

Kni.

Talk not of pittie , pittie is deafe and cannot heare the poore mans crie , much lesse a strumpets .

La.

For charitie heare me .

Kni.

Charity is frosen and benumb'd with colde , it cannot helpe thee , doost kneele ? doost kneele ? to the heauen 's not to me yet they looke thy heart should stoope , and not the knee . Doost weepe dost ? Rise , rise thou stumpet , go out of my sight , in , in .

Lor.

I goe , Yet this my comfort , in the gall of life , Suspition neuer wrong'd a truer wife .

Exit . Lord . Enter Wages . Kni.

Hoe , Wages !

Wag.

Heere sir .

Kni.

Come heather Wages , my olde resolution is come on me againe , and it shall make me doe much , for I will geld my selfe .

Wag.

Alasse sir that s the onely way to make you doe little .

Kni.

Therefore goe fetch me the Opperator .

Wag.

What 's he sir ?

Kn.

The stone-Cutter .

Wag

O you meane the Sow-gelder .

Kni.

O ! he 's an excellent fellow , he takes away the cause of a mans beastlie desires .

Wag.

I , and of their manly performance too .

Kni.

He makes a man not care a rush for a woman .

Wag.

No , nor a Woman care a strawe for a man .

Kni.

Doth not such a fellow deserue commendations ?

Wa.

Yes as a hangman doth , for cutting off the traitors that makes the flesh rebell .

Kni:

Wages I doe now more doubt my wiues honestie then euer , therefore i le make him the touchstone of her reputation .

Wag.

Faith sir ye might get easier touchstones then hee a great deale , there s many a Goldsmithes wife in Cheape-side could helpe you to a better .

Kni.

He deserue's much praise .

Wag.

I , as your cockatrice doth for the dismembring of men .

Kni.

If she be a punckit i le not be diuorc'd .

Wag.

Why should ye ? why ye cannot keepe more Gentlemanlike company : besides , your puncke : is like your pollitition , for they both consume themselues , for the common people . And your punck of the two , is the better member , for she like a candell to light others's , burnes hir selfe .

Kni.

Well wages , come follow me , for I am resoul'd to trie my wiues honestie .

Exeunt Omnes . Finis Act. second .
Actus Ter. scena prima Enter young Nonsuch like a begging Soldier . Young Lord . Venus lay where Mars had found her , And in warlike armes he bound her , Cupid cride , and Vulcane spide : And thereon threw the Sciclops , But his horne , begatte his scorne , With all the little Gods mockes .

Now some honest Gentleman passe by that I might sell him the maiden-head of my occupation for a halfe penny masse , heere a comes , a shall ha 't , ye faith .

Enter Nucome .

Worshipfull Gentleman , looke with your eye , and pitty with your hert the distresse of a martiall man , I haue bene a man in my daies , and acquainted with better fortunes then I now see : time hath beene I haue borne armes , but now one's gone , and I can no longer write Gentleman : wherfore if you please to bestowe but one poore thistle of your bountie to pricke the blister of my pouertie , it would set my slender fortunes a flote , where they now lie beating on the goodwins of famine , I am none of these Ludgations that beg for fourescore and ten poore men : my suite is only for my selfe .

Nuc.

Whome hast thou serued friend ?

Lor.

First I seru'd in Ireland , then in Holland , Braband , Zealand , Gelderland , Friesland and most of the seauenteen Prouinces , I was at the siedge of Bargon vp sone , carryed a pike at the entrance of Sluce , and was hurt in the groine entring the breche .

Nue:

Who was thy Captaine ?

Lor.

I serued vnder the commaund of Captaine pipe .

Nue:

Who , captaine Gregorie Pipe ?

Lor.

No sir , Captaine Tobacco Pipe .

Nue.

O , I know him well indeede , hee is on the English nation , hath much imploiments .

Lor.

I can assure your worship sir , I haue seene him in very hot seruice , and when some of vs his followers haue smok'd for 't too : wherefore I beseech you sir , bestowe something on me , for the knowledge you had of my good Captaine .

Nue.

Go to sirra , I feare ye are a counterfeite Rogue .

Lor.

How Rogue sir ? though none of fortunes fauourites , nor great mens minions , yet perchances as good a man as your selfe : swoundes Roguel

Nue.

Nay be not angrie good friend for yfaith I loue a Souldier with all my heart , for indeede I haue a Coussen is one , would giue thee something , but yfaith I haue no siller , yet I giue thee eighteene pence in conceite , and so farwell .

Exit Nuecome . Lor :

Well sir , in conceite I thanke ye then .

Enter Knight and Wages .

Ye Wages , come ye after like a Clog to the heeles of the olde Ape your Maister ?

Kni.

Wages , how many pounds goe to a stone of beefe ?

Wag.

Eight sir .

Kni:

Then I am lighter by sixeteene pound now then I was , I may now lie with any Ladie in Europe for any hurt I can doe her .

Wag.

True sir , or good either .

Kni:

I can cuckold no man ,

Wag.

Yet any man may cuckolde you .

Kni:

What 's he Wages ?

Wag :

Some poore Souldier sir , lately come out of the low countries .

Lor.

I must not now beg lame , for feare I loose his seruice by it : I beseech yee good black Captaine bestowe something of a poore Souldier , that hath serued his Prince both by Sea and land : if you bestowe but one poor penny of your liberalitie , when the wheele of fate , turnes , if the bitter frostes of pouertie doe not in the meane time nip my fortunes in the blossoms , I doubt not but to reciprocrate your curtesie .

Wag

Hyda , what an excellent fellow this would make to dwell in the exchange , how the Rogue prates ?

Kni.

What art a Soldier ?

Lor

I haue bin one some few yeres .

Kni:

Why then thou art a Gentleman by profession , and t is a shame Gentleman to beg .

Lor :

So I thinke , for I haue Gentleman like qualities enough : for I had rather drinke drunke to purge , then take Phisicke : but will you giue me any thing sir ?

Wag :

No sir my maister doth not vse to giue Gentlemen money , for feare of disgracing them .

Lor.

O , I crye you mercie good Maister Mustard-Pot .

Wag.

Mustard pot ! Gods light , mustard Pot ! and why Mustard pot ?

Lo.

Because thou art a sawce-box .

Wag:

Sawce box ?

Kni:.

Goe to , be quiet Wages .

Lor.

But will ye giue me any thing sir ?

Kni.

No not a penny .

Lor.

Come then sir , will ye walke a turne or too ?

Kni.

Walke with thee , why , art not lousie ?

Lor.

I neede not , I haue change enough , for I haue two paire of shooes

Kni.

Wert neuer in better fashion ?

Lor ,

Yes , I haue borne the badge of honour in my daies .

Wag

I a hath bin some Noblemans Footeman sure .

Kni.

Was thy Father an Alcumist that thou art so poore ?

Lor.

Why doe you not knowe pouertie hath a Gentleman Vshers place , it goes bere before death .

Kni.

Thy name ,

Lor.

Slacke .

Kni.

Of what Religion art ?

Slac.

Faith I am yet cleane paper , yee may write on mee what ye will , either Puritane or Protestant .

Kni,

Wilt thou serue me ?

Slac.

So you will giue me wages .

Kni.

Yes that I will , and thou shalt weare my liuery too , i le giue it thee , thou shalt not buy 't thy selfe .

Slac.

I thanke ye sir .

Enter a Bawde . Wag.

O Mistris Correction ! how doe you ?

Mist : Cor.

I thanke ye good Maister Wages , and how doth that goodly Gelding your Maister ?

Wag :

Why Gelding ?

Mist : Cor.

Because he hath both abus'd and accus'de one of the moste vertuous Ladies that euer frisseld her haire .

Wag.

Peace , speake soft , that 's he .

Mi. Co:

Is that he ?

Wag :

The verry same .

Mi. Co.

Now by my troth I am glad to see your worshippe in good health , and how doth your good Worship : Lord you looke ill , a bodie may see what griefe will doe : O had you had a good wife , your worship would looke twentie yeares younger then you doe , t is euen pittie of her life that would wrong such a sweete man : what an excellent complexion your beard 's off , and by my troth a keepes his coulour verry well .

Slacke pinches behinde .

What now you sawsie Companion you , what ayle you trowe ?

Slac:

You had an ill Midwife Mistresse , she hath not clos'd your mould well behinde .

Mist. Cor.

Marry come vp Iacke an Apes father-in law , what can you tell ?

Sla.

I felt it by giuing my hand to bid it farwell .

Mist. Cor.

O sir , that 's signe ye are a clowne , if ye had bin a Gentleman ye would a kist it , and a taken your leaue on 't , I pray maister Wages what 's this fellowe ?

Wag.

A new man of my maisters , and I can assure you a tall Souldier too .

Mist. Cor.

A tall Souldier say you ? so me thinkes , his cloathes haue beene in shrode seruices , for they are verye dangerously wounded . Sir , and like your worship , this that you haue entertain'd is no man , t is some Scar-crowe , and you haue done verry ill to take him away : the Crowes wil eate vp the Corne now out of all measure , pray God wee haue not a deare yeare after it .

Sla.

I know your husband wel Mistris Correction , and Mistris Punckit too , I heare she keepes her bed much , what is she not in health ?

Kni.

Haue you such a Gentlewoman lies at your house ?

Mi. Cor.

Yes indeede sir , a younger Brothers Daughter , a kins-woman of my Husbands .

Kni.

It seemes he hath bene acquainted with her .

Mi. Cor.

Who hee ? no sir , she scornes to speake with him , vnlesse t weare by an Atturney .

Wag.

Pra'y how doth your Husband good Mistris Correction .

Mist : Cor.

The better your asking good Maister Wages .

Wag.

Indeede her Husband is a verry honest painefull man sir .

Mist. Cor.

O maister Wages , no , no , maister Wages , you are deceiu'd in him , there 's neuer a morning but I am ready and abroad , an houre before hee 's vp : and when he is vp , as I am a liuing woman , I can make him doe nothing for my life .

Kni.

No , doth he not studdie ?

Mi. Cor.

Yes , like the Clarke of a great mans kitchin , what meate he shall haue for dinner .

Wag.

Beleeue it but he is a good Scholler though , O hee hath a passing head of his owne .

M. C.

Hath he , I he hath indeed , if he knew al , & I can tel ye he may thank me for 't too , for he went to schoole to tme in my first husbands time

Kn.

Pra'y what was your first husband

Mi , Cor.

M. Seldome the preacher an 't like your worship , he preach'd in two of his benefices in one day , & sure t' was the death of him , he neuer ioyed himselfe after hee so ouerstrained his voice .

Kni.

And then you married this man ?

Mi. C.

Yes forsooth , & truly afterwards bought him a benefice , but he hath sold it again , & I may tell you though I am no Lady , yet he 's cald sir Iohn euery word , & for all this now he makes no more account of me then your man Mai. Wages doth of an old shoe-clout which a neuer thinks off , but when a needs , and if he cannot finde it , why any other thing serues his turne , and so he deales by me , & truely M. Wages I may tell you , I meane to put him away .

Wag.

Away I why ye cannot put him away for this .

M , C.

Yes I warrant ye , if you can finde in your heart to loue & marry me , let me alone for that ? I le keep ye like a man al daies of your life : besides , if the stones of the street in the ciue shold be too hot , for ye , & that ye dare not walk on them for feare the wicked vanities of the world shold catch hold of ye , as they haue done to the vtter ouerthrow & vndoing of many a good man , yet I can get my liuing in the Suburbs , & what trade so euer go down , I doubt not but mine will hold vp as long as the kingdome yeeldes either souldiers or younger brothers , which wants maintenance to keep wiues of their own No M. Wages , my trade is a sweet trade , little doth any body know what commings in I haue daily , I keep 3. as good fetherbeds going winter & summer , as any sinner in the suburbs : besides , I warrant ye , I get aboue 20 pound a yeare in Rennish wine , at the second hand .

Wag.

Wel , aske my Ma. if he be willing , yee shall finde me forward

M : C.

And that s as much as any woman can aske truly : and please your worship I haue a suite to you .

Kni.

What i st Mi. Cor. for you are verye like to speede ?

M.C.

That I may haue your good wil to marry M. Wages .

Kni.

Why you haue a husband aliue ?

Mi. C.

I , but I can be deuorc'd from him , and like your worship for three seuerall causes which I knowe well ennough , I warrant ye .

Kni.

If he be willing , with all my hart .

Mist : Cor.

I thanke your worship .

Sla.

Hise fellow Wages , pray a word we , doost meane to haue her ?

Wag.

I .

Slac:

Well , goe thy waies , I warrant thee a sound peece of her .

Wag:

A peece , why a peece ? didst thou euer shoot in her ?

Slac.

Who I , no : she recoiles too much in the discharging for me to meddle with , but doost heare , put her away againe as soone as thou can'st : if thou keepe her long , if she proue not like a commodity of wood , and stink in thy hands then hang me .

Kni.

Well Mistris Correction , I could wish you goe about this your affaires as soon as you may , & Slack , & Wages doe you two follow me .

Exeunt 3 . one doore , and the Baud at the other . Enter Peg and Nan . Na.

Now by my chaste thoughts which I was mother of at nine yeres olde , I heere sweare , neuer to be in loue : yet Maister Nuecome the Courtier thinkes with the wearing of a neate boote , and a cleane band , to catch my loue napping as Morse catch this Mare , but Venus be my good speede , and Cupid send me good lucke , for my heart is very light , and I feare t is but like a Candle , burnt into the Socket , which lightens a little before it goes out .

Peg.

I moste feare t is like lightning before thunder , I pray haue a careyehold fast .

Nan .

Come , thou hast such a running wit , t is like an Yrish foote boy . I feare t will rob thee of all thy friendes and then runne from thee and leaue thee .

But I pray thee tell me one thing ,

Peg :

I will an 't be a good thing ?

Nan :

Hast thou thy Maiden head yet ?

Peg :

My maiden-head ! faith I .

Nan :

Come , prethee doe not lye , for they say t is lost lying and by the strength of my little vertue , I wonder ( for mine own part ) to see how this foolish virginity is esteem'd when there is such danger in the keeping it , for who dooth not knowe that the barren wombe is curst ? and al know virgins haue no children : besides , Women shall bee saued by the bearing of Children , how think'st thou , are they ?

Peg :

Nay , I cannot tell , you were best trie .

Nan :

Indeede they say t is good to trie before one trust .

Peg :

But I pray thee tell me one thing now ,

Nan :

And what 's that ?

Peg :

The reason why thou art come runne away from thy Father , considering the forman of your Shop , mee thought was a good hansome fellow .

Nan .

T is true , so he was , but he had no leysure to keep me company a workie daies for crying what doe you lacke , and a Holy daies hee would bee at stoole-ball among'st the boyes when I had moste neede of him : but to tell thee the true cause of my comming away ; I should haue marryed a young vnthriftie Lord , one that will giue his verrye soule to a faire woman , and faith sometimes though shee be neuer so foule , yet he will lend her his bodie : he had neuer a hayre on his beard this three or foure yeare , but might a bin an vtter barrester , for they haue moulted all fiue or six times : he 's like death , he spares none , yong nor olde , rich nor poore , faire nor foule , hee takes all .

Peg :

Well Nan well , thou art happy , thou wer 't borne vnder a good Planet , thou hast store of sutes , but prethee looke , is there none heare's our counsaile ?

Nun :

No none , speake boldly lasse .

Peg :

I thinke an ill starre raigned when I was borne , I cannot haue as much as suiter , this Maister Nuecome that you for sooth so much scorne : I could finde in my heart to pray nine times to the Moone , and fost three Saint Annes eues , so that I might bee sure to haue him to my husband .

Nan :

I , thou wouldst haue him dreaming but not waking I am sure .

Peg :

Not waking ! yea & a bed too , for heere I vow euen by the chastest thoughts that ere was nurs'd within Dianaes brest and by those purple drops chaste Lucres spilt , and by the vnstainde coulloar of a maidens blush , that I will prooue as true vnto his bed , as ere did she that did Vlisses wed .

Nan :

Nay , since I haue refus'd a Lord , by this light I scorne to marry any vnder the degree of a Knight .

Peg.

No , I would not haue a Knight if I might , for there are so many , as they are forgotten what they be .

Nan :

Nay I then I see you are deceu'd , why woman , they haue moste of them taken an order that they wil neuer be forgotten , for they haue book'd themselues downe a purpose , I knowe aboue three & twentie in one Mercers bookes in Cheape side : then iudge thou how many are in al their bookes , and there is that will bee a witnesse I warrant you to after ages , what their forefathers haue beene .

Peg ,

I , but that 's but their faults , yet you knowe their calling is honourable though .

Nan :

Faith thou saiest true , I must needes say , Knighthoode is like marriage know a daies , which thought be honoarable amongst al men , yet is beggarlie with a great many : but come shal 's goe to dinner and see what stomacke I haue to my vittailes , for y faith i haue none to a husband : I would not taste a morsell of a gentleman for any money .

Peg :

O that 's because thou art not hungrie .

Nan .

T is true indeed , a little bit would fill my bellie .

Exeunt amnes . Enter Lady and Slacke after her . La.

O my vnkinde husband , why doost reiect mee ? if not on thee , where should I fix my loue to haue reward ?

Enter Wages . Sla:

Heere where you are , in deere and hie regard .

Lad Alas thou art a man of meane condition . Slac. Your loue to me , will breede the lesse suspition . Fortune denie's mee wealth : all ill vpon her , Yet I haue courage to defend your honour , Madam , you reason haue to be vniust : A wicked husband makes an vnkinde wife . Men brag , that women weaker creatures be , Yet you must suffer all grosse Iniury , with silence too , and lowlinesse of spirit , And then forsooth a good wiues name your merrit . A goodly purchase sure to be a slaue , Vnto a slaue , till you goe to the graue . Eue had a soule as well as Adam , All soules are masculine , hold freedom Madam . If strength of bodie make the noblest creature , Why should not Lyons be the Kings of nature ? The strongest creatures gouern'd are by sence , And there thy soule hath little residence . Philosophers say , the Element of fire , Is actiue , purest , aptest to aspire : Of which you women haue the lesser portion , Which makes your braines beget colde Notion . I grant that Adam was created so , But since his fall , all thinkes doe backward goe . Now actiue heart , gets murther , theft and rapin : T is thy charriot which all vice doth ride in . Against whose ille's women could temper spurnes , Giue me the heart which warmes not that which burnes . O hatefull is the state you now doe holde , Worse then the slaue , that is for money solde . For you must money giue to buy your euils , and binde your selues , to some incarnate deuils . Be but chiefe steward in their drudgerie , Bring forth their brats with your liues ieopardie . Scarce dare you giue , an olde sleeue from your arme , But they crie out , you 'r vnder Couertbaren . La. Presumptuous slaue whose flesh vpon thy boane , Thy Maister iust , may challenge as his owne : Which by the deade scrapes from his trencher got , Is quickned now , to cut thy geuers throate : Thou venem'd Snake , frosen with beggerie , Now being thaw'd by thy masters bountie . Wouldst sting the bosom that did reuiue thee , and like a viper gnawe , who first conceiu'd thee . Full argument of a seruile spirit , For noble hearts will gratifie each merrit . Exit Lady . Slae.

Yea , are ye vanished ?

Wag.

Why how now fellow Slacke , what is she gone ?

Slac:

S'life what should I doe now to stop this slaues vennomed breath , for feare it infect my reputation with my newe maister ? this time was ill taken , yet something I must doe fellowe Wages , how long hast thou been heere ?

Wag.

Euer since fortune denide thee wealth : all ill vppon her : but thou hast courage to defend her honour .

Sla.

Slight he hath heard all .

Why man t wa's my maister set me onely to trie her .

Wag.

Nay , like enough , for I see he would willinglye proue an accessarie to the stealing of his owne goods .

Enter Knight . Sla.

True , and looke heere he comes , but I pray thee say nothing , let me tell him of it .

Wa.

Who I ? not a word , my mouth is as close as a faulconers pouch , or a countrie wenches placket .

Kn.

She would neuer cuckold me , but that she hath some reason for 't

Sl.

True sir , there is nothing done , but there 's reason for it , ( if a man could finde it ) for what s the reason your Cittizens wiues continually weare hats , but to show the desire they haue alwaies to be couered . Or why doe your Semsters spend their time in pricking , and your Ladies in poking of ruffes ; but onely to shew they doe as they would be don vnto ? or why doe your Innes of court men lie with his Laundresse in a long vacation , but because hee hath no mony to go abroad ? Or why doo your old iudges widdowes alwaies marry young Gentlemen , but to show that they loue execution better then iudgement .

Kni.

O , but I wonder much she would not giue me leaue to make my first childe my selfe .

Sa.

Foe : she knew you were but a prentice to the occupation , and commonly Prentices spoile their first worke , and being vnskilfull , she was loath you should practise in a good Shop , and therefore she befriended you , because she would haue it well done : she gat a better workeman to doe it for you . For what s the reason the younger brothers ( according to the olde wiues tailes ) alwaies prooued the wisest men , but because the Fathers grewe more skilfull at last then they were at the first ? but I thinke your wiues eldest Sonne will proue an excellent fellow , because she had the helpe of so many in the making of it . For commonly if one haue a thing to be done , as a conueyance to be drawn , or a case in the law to be argued , a man would haue the helpe of as many good Lawyers as hee could get : now this case of making of children , and a case in the lawe , is something like , for as one Lawyer takes his fee , and deales in 't , another Lawyer comes and argues the case more profoundly : but in the end when all is done , leaues it to bee tryed by the Iury , in whome the right is , and so must you : when they and you and al haue done your best , yet in the end , must leaue it to be tryed by your wife , whos 's the childe is , for a womans knowledge in this case , is better then twelue mens .

Kni:

O Slacke , I hate worse then the worst sinne that is .

Wag.

And I pra'y which sinne doe you moste hate ?

Kni.

That which is moste like her , which if thou wilt repeate —

Sla.

I le tell their conditions .

Kni.

And I , which is most like her .

Wag.

Then the first is pride .

Sla.

I would haue that sinne burnt for a witch , it changes men into so many shape .

Wag :

The next is murther .

Slac.

O! that s a thirstie sinne , for nought can quench it but blood .

Wag.

What is Theft ?

Slac:

Faith the greatest fault that I can finde in that is , it cousens the Scriuners , for it borrowes monie without giuing any obligation .

Wag :

Couetousnesse .

Sla.

O! that 's an excellent sinne , for to deale with , a that hath a loose bellie , for t will binde any man for ten grotes .

Wag.

What is sloath then ?

Sla.

Faith Sloath is a good Maidenly Greenesicknesse sinne .

Wag.

But leachery my Lady ?

Sla.

O that s the suckingst sinne that a man can bee acqainted withall , it cannot endure to bee in company , it creepes into corners , and hides it selfe in the darke still .

Wag.

What saist then to drunkennesse ?

Sla:

O that 's a moste gentleman like sinne , it scornes to be beholding for what it receiues in a mans house , it commonly leaues it againe at his doore .

Wag.

Nay , then leatcherie scornes to be bebolding too , for I haue knowne what it hath receiu'd in a mans house , it hath sent home againe nine monthes after , and layen at his dore , and therefore the more Gentleman like sinne a great deale , because it takes the longer time of repaiment , but I pray sit now , which of all this is moste like your wife .

Kni.

Murther , for nought can quench her thirst of lust , but now I soone shall finde hir villany , prais'd bee my vigilant care : which if I doe espie , i le turne her off .

Wag.

Alas , alas sir , you haue no reason to be angrie , much lesse to be deuorced , although shee doe transgresse , are you not cut ? haue ye not giuen her cause , is it not out of meere necessitie she doth it ? therefore if you follow my counsaile , make her amends with kindenesse , and put not her away .

Kni:

Beleeue me he speakes wisely , and good counsaile , like a Lady , is to be imbraced .

Slac.

Not put her away , and if she wrong him . If hee doe not , I say he is one of the aranst blocks that euer man spurned on : why is he not a Gentleman , a Knight , hath a not seene fashion : sir , I would haue you beare a noble minde , put her away and you list , t is no matter for cause , if she change but a treneher with the Groome of your stable , t is dealing enough to bee diuorced , Therefore put her away , and then you may haue another wife .

Kni.

Another wife ?

Sla.

True , a gallant , and yet a modest Lady too , one that shall nourish no blood but your owne , tender your reputation as the apple of her eye , & honour euen your verie footsteps .

Kni:

She shall goe , i le make her trusse vp her trinckets , oh faith she shall away .

Wag.

Shall she away ? if she doe , you doe you knowe not what , you draw a thousand thousand enemies about your eares , her kindred thei ll exclaime , no friends will seeke reuenge , and your enemies will growe euen fat with laughter at your folly . Besides : what Woman then will haue you , are you not gelded ? assure your selfe that now there is none will loue you , moste will hate you , but all will scorne you , therefore by my aduice make much of her , and keepe her while you haue her .

Kni.

Hah ! now by the vertue of my hearing , he speakes but reason .

Sla.

So , t is good to keepe her stil : dwell in the Subburbs to break down your owne glasse windowes , set some pickes vppon your hatch , and I pray professe to keepe a Baudy-house .

Kni.

A Bawdie-house ? no , i le die first , and if I see but any apparent shewe of her disloyaltie , i le euen be diuorced immediately .

Exit Knight and Slacke . Wag.

Well , I see the substance of this slaue is villanie .

But i le preuent him euen what I can ,

Since none is worse then a Seruing honest man ,

Exit . Sound Musicke .
Actus Quarti , Scena prima . Enter Knight and Slacke . Kni:

Why had I not a good legge ? did I not alwaies weare cleane lining ? was not my hand washed , my beard comb'd , my cloake brushed , and my shooes blacked , euery morning .

Slac.

True , why the more viler strumpet shee to cuckold you .

Kni,

But how doo'st knowe she is with childe .

Sla.

Knowe it , why shee 's dayly troubled with water panges , and quakings ouer her stomacke .

Kni:

Indeede I must needes say that 's a great proofe , shee hath fild her bellie with something that stood against her stomacke , but doost not thinke t is my childe .

Slac:

Your's ! why how can 't be your's : are you not circumcised to the quicke ?

Kni.

Yes , and the rememberance of it galles me .

Sla:

That s a signe ye are too patient , and like an Ass eindure all without resistance .

Kni.

Ha , ha , ha .

Sla.

But why doe you laugh sir ?

Kni.

To thinke who the childe will be like .

Sla.

Why you , who should it be like else ?

Kni:

Why t is none of mine man .

Sla.

Why the more like you for that : why doe you not not knowe the Philosophers hold the childe is alwaies like the partie which the mother thinkes off in the conception : now she thought moste of you , for feare you should a come the whiles , and that s the reason so many Gentlemens sonnes are like your Cittizens , and calles them fathers too , for otherwise how could it bee that a young Cockney being left fortie or fiftiie thousand pounds : spends all within so many monthes , but that some young gallant begat him , for you knowe the prouer be , Cat will after kinde . No , had the old Cittizen begotten him , he would a bit a Fig in two , to haue made iust weight , & haue had a pot with a false bottom , rather then a solde too much measure , hee would haue done al things within measure as your olde Citizen did , and not a spend al beyond measure , as your young Gallants doe .

Kni.

But were not I best goe home and vse her well , till the childe be borne , to see if it be like me , that I may bee sure t is none of mine .

Sla.

O no , that were base , and as deceitfull as the Collick when it breakes out in winde , which leuels at a mans heele , and it strikes him in the nose , therefore neuer make a show of one thing , and doe an other , but put her away , rid your handes of her , and there 's an end .

Kni.

I thinke whoe 's the father of the bastard ?

Sla.

Why who 's the Father of a Punckes childe ? i st not filius populi , it may haue two Fathers for any thing wee knowe .

Kni:

Well Slacke , I doe verrie much mistrust Wages too , for he is growne verie familiar of late .

Sla.

True sir , and takes her part too , and ye marke him

Kni.

I marke him : no Slacke , no pray heauen a marke not me , but i le instantly sue out a diuorce , hap what hap shall , but ill 's his hap whose wife lies down to all .

Exit Kni. Enter Wages . Wag. Of all honest aminall's your Cuckold is the best , For he is sure a Gentleman , and knowen by his crest . Sla. Of all occupations , that euer man profest , In my opinion still doth hold , the Cutpursse is the best . Wag :

And why the Cutpursse ?

Sla.

Because he will trust no man , foe as soone as hee hath lone his worke , hee is sure to haue his money in his hand .

Wag.

Nay then a lawyer is a better trade then that , for he is sure of his money before hee doth his worke .

Sla.

But I pray thee what 's the newes abroad now ?

Wag.

Why they say the worlde is like a Byas bowle , and it runnes all on the rich mens sides : others say , t is like a Tennis-ball , and fortune keepes such a Racket with it , as it tosses it in to times hazzard , and that deuoures all , and for my part they say , t will shortly runne vppon wheeles with me , for my Maister sweares a will haue me carted , because a thinkes I haue layen with my Lady .

Sla:

Nay then t will runne vpon wheeles with thee indeed , but peace foole peace , when thou art once marryed , that suspect will die .

Wag.

Peace foole peace , saist thou when I am marryed ? doost heare ? I tell thee , there is no pece in marriage , vnlesse it bee with a dumbe woman , no nor but little comfort neither .

Sla:

No way ? why doth the Ballad say then , So sweete a thing is Loue , that rules both heart and minde , there is no comfort in the world , to women that are blinde .

Wag :

Kinde ( man ) the Ballet saies .

Sla.

Masse I thinke a be kinde indeed , yet blind's the better of the two I thinke , for as thou saist , if shee be dumbe , I am sure shee le say nothing that shal offend her Husband : if blind , shee le see nothing that shall offend her , and where he nor shee 's offended , there must needes be a peace : but besides this is there no peace thinkest thou in the marriage of a wife .

Wag.

Yes by the mans , side like a Gentleman onely by the fathers side , but t will nere be any perfit peace .

Sla.

Why , why wilt thou marry then ?

Wag.

Because I hope to haue some good behauiour of my wife , for the peace I neuer looke for : but soft ye fellow Slacke , mee thinkes your sute is like a hard hearted Landlord , it begins to receiue great rents .

Sla.

I , I would , my Maister had giuen me a suite of Buffe when he gaue me this .

Wag :

Phoe , buffe is naught man , that hath bin out of request quest euer since Souldiers haue bin out of date , and they poore men are now vsde like Almanackes of the last yeare , either clap-vp behinde the doore , or thrust cleane out of doore : but if thou wilt haue a suite that shall last indeed ( lad ) get thee a suite of lawe .

Sla.

O , I doe not like such suites , for commonly they that haue many of them goe almost naked for want of cloaths , yet I cannot denie but they are verrie lasting , but they are subiect to many discommodities : so if there bee any goodnesse in one of them , your Lawyers like mothes , eat shroad holes to it , but your Countrie Atturneyes like lice neuer leaue wrighting and wrangling till they haue crep't into it , but when it hath bin well worne and growne thrid bare , they euen like Lice drop off , and leaue it .

Wag:

What saist thou by a suite at court then ?

Slac.

I marry sir , I like that well , for commonly hee that hath but one suite when hee comes there , hath two ere he come away , for if hee sue by Petition , it lies so long in your Courtiers pocket , that it is another suite to get his Petition backe againe . There is none suddenlie dispatched of his suite there but a Taylor , marrie hee staies not at all , vnlesse his suite bee to haue moneye for his suite , and so hee makes his sute two sutes too ere hee goe . But come , shall wee goe see what followes after our Maisters new diuorce .

Wag :

Why is a diuor'd ?

Sla:

I , I thinke by this time , for hee swore hee would bee presently . By my troth , I am sorry for it , for in my conscience it is without cause , it grieues me to see him in these humors , for I thanke his Worshippe he hath euer vsed mee well , I am bound to pray for his life .

Wag.

And mee thinkes that s a strange thing , I see no reason for 't that any seruingman should praye for his Maisters life , considering all that he haue , is in reuertion of him : but come , le ts followe him , for if hee misse vs , hee le fret like a grogram I , and fume like a stue pot .

Slac:

And let him fume , O would his gal would burst with indignation , then should his temper procreate my blisse , and I inioy that Saint incarnat : but what shall I doe , since base nor noble shape can win , a third i le trie .

And if that faile knight , goe to church and pray , For vengeance wings brings on thy lethall day . Exeunt . Wages . Enter the olde Lord alone . Lor:

Hee that a long waie voyage takes in hand , feares dangerous gustes at sea , and stormes :

At land conquering colde that cripels curssed age , and doubts least euerie cloud should proue a storme , & beat his weryed carkasse to the earth . But O , I wold to God my longest Iourney vnto death were to bee tane , for I doe cast no doubts , hauing lost all comfort , My Sonne , I feare , is dead , The losse of him makes life to me but like a blister on my flesh , which grieues mee much , and nought can ease , vnlesse it breakes . O whilst hee liued his presence was a force vnto my age , & gaue it such a luster as did inrich my ring of Life : for life is but a ring beginning in our weakenesse , going round , till vnto weaknes we returne again , then to the ground . The world it selfe is but a skilfull game at chesses , which beeing ended , Kinges and Queenes , Bishops and Knightes into one bags are throwne at last : So all of vs both poore and rich , shall in the end into the earth , as into a Bag be cast-Mans life is like vnto a ship that crost by tempests and by tides , some thoughts of his like billowes swell him vp a loft , another strikes him downe , Thus man as on a sea is toste , in fairest weather feares a storme , and in a storme the euent , but in the ende hee sinckes , when life is spent : griefe hath no boundes in teares , it ebbes and flowes .

Till it haue drowned life , and ended woes .

Exit . Enter Lady , Nan , and Wages . Lady .

But Wages , is there no meanes ( thinkest thou ) to turne by it , nor to force backe his streame of wrath .

Wag.

Yes i le warrant ye Madam , if you le be ruld by me , you shall see i le make him seeke to be friendes with you , & intreat me to speak for him too , but then I would haue you seeme a little strange : but you shall directly raile on him . Therfore I wold haue ye hide your selues here behinde the hangings , for t will not be long ere hee come this way , and then you shall come foorth and frame your behauiour according as our discourse shall require .

Nan :

Masse heere he comes , le ts stand close .

La.

Wee will , and heauen assist thy proiects .

Enter Knight . Kni.

Now Wages , what newes with you ?

Wag:

That which I thinke will helpe you from beeing diuorc'd .

Kni.

What 's that ?

Wag :

Why your Lady is not with childe .

Kni.

I' st possible ?

Wag.

Why how should she , vnlesse some Hobgoblin , some Incubus or spirit of the butterie should beget it ? why shee , since you were gelded , neuer saw a man but through a windowe : shee hath neuer trod her foote awry , for feare some ill construction should attend her steps , which like a boundlesse Ocean deepe inrag'd , would drowne her reputation .

Kni.

Not with childe saist thou ?

Wag.

Not of my word sir .

Kni.

Wages I would thou wouldst but doe some charitable offices .

Wag.

What ? make ye friendes againe ?

Kni.

True .

Wag.

But you le prooue false , and breake that friendshippe ?

Kni.

Neuer , as I hope to be reconcil'd , therefore tell me , wilt thou doo 't ?

Wag.

Hum : truely I would doe my good will , but I feare t will be but labour lost .

Kni.

I pray thee doe but trie : I faith thou shalt not loose thy paines .

Wag.

O lasse sir , you know I must feede on Quailes .

Kni.

That was in my furie man , but wilt thou not doe it ?

Wag.

Pray sir , if you can get some other friend to speake in 't , do .

Kni.

Well , thou wilt leaue me now then ?

Wag.

Alas Sir , what would you haue me doe ? by my troth sir , I am asham'd to speake in 't : haue yee not gelded and cut off al the content of marriage ? why they that haue the full performance of it , t is as much as they can doe to please their Wiues , and you that want all abilitie , must not onely please her now , but make her amends for the wrong you haue done her heeretofore , and how haue I the face to promise that which I knowe you haue no meanes to performe it ?

Kn:

Alas man , i le doe my good will .

Wag.

Doe your good wil , and that s much worth sure , yet since you haue bene my maister , the world shal not say but i le do what I can , i le perswade what I may , ye shal see there shall be no fault in me . Enter the Lady and Nan . Masse heere shee comes : what will you doe now ?

Kni:

O , I le hide me here , and so I shall heare all what shee saies .

Wag :

O this is excellent , come , come , come , and stand close , ye shall heare how i le speake for ye : and if ye heare your pardon graunted , come forth .

Kni.

I warrant ye .

Wag.

Morrow Madam .

Lad.

Morrow Wages .

Wag :

Morrow Mistris Nan .

Nan :

Morrow Wages .

Wages .

The Fox is caught , his head is in the nouse .

Nan :

peace , speake soft , perswade , perswade .

Wa:

Faith Madam I haue a sute vnto you , but I am halfe a sham'd to speede in 't .

Kni.

Slight , the rogue saies hee is a sham'd to speake for me , hist Wages , hist wages .

Nan .

Madam , your man would make an ill suter , that is ashamde to speake in his sute .

Wag.

What the Diuell aile you , what are you made you le be spide anon .

Knight .

A pox on thee , art not ashamde to tell her that thou art a shamde to speake for me ? hist , hist , Wages .

Wages :

I thinke the Foole rides you , what will you haue ?

Kn.

Doost heare Wages , speake for me , and by this light i le mend thy Wages .

Wag.

By how much ?

Kni.

Fortie shillings .

Wag.

Fortie shillings ?

Kni.

Three pound , three pound .

Wag.

Giue me your hand , i le do it

La.

But what 's your sute Wages ?

Wag.

That you would forgiue your Husband ,

Lady .

What and receiue his loue againe , you meane ?

Wag.

I Madam .

La.

Marry there were a iest indeed , being as he is now , a Woman would be loath to turne him amongst her ducks : truely Wages I am ashamde in your behalfe , that a man of your discretion would vrge it , therefore prethe speake no more on 't , I le tell thee what , I could finde in my heart to speake for him my selfe , but that t is such a iealious foole , that if hee catch but a Flea in her bed , hee will be searching to see if it bee a male or a female , for feare a comes to Cuckold him .

Lad :

Well Wages well : to tell thee truely , I beare no malice , and if I wist hee would amend , I should forgiue and loue him with my heart againe .

Enter Knight . Kni.

Ye faith I will wife .

Lady .

Why how now Wages , haue you betraide vs ?

Wag.

I , Madam , but t is into the handes of those that loue yee .

Nan .

Well Wages well , I did not thinke you would haue vsde vs thus .

La.

Is there honestie in this , to set a man behinde the hangings to euise-drop our wordes .

Kni.

Be not angrie sweete wife , yfaith it was my plot , but you haue beene a heauie enemye of mine .

Nan .

T was more for my credit then to haue bene your light friend .

Kni:

Be friendes with mee good wife , for here I doe confesse .

Na.

Your Iealousie sprung from your owne vnworthynesse .

Kni.

T is true .

Lady .

Then in hope you le kinder prooue , I am content , For this knowe , a Womans heart will soone relent .

Kn. Then , come sweete wife , le ts in , And Wages , thy paines deserues to be requited , For separated hearts , hast thou vnited . Exeunt omnes . Enter Nuecome singing with a Glasse in his hand , and making himselfe ready . Nan .

La , la , la , la , la , they marched out manly by three , and by three , and the formoste in Battaile , was Mary Hanbrie . Will you heare of a Spanish Lady , how shee woed an Englishman : hum , hum , hum .

Boy . Boy :

Heere sir .

Nue:

Is the Taylor gone ?

Bo :

Gone , sir .

Nue:

Goe fetch me my doublet their ,

Bo :

I goe sir ,

Exit Boy . Nue.

Hum , hum , hum , by the greatest terror to Gentilitie , which indeed is Creditors and Sergeants , this Roaguie Taylor came vppon me with such a bill as a man were better haue ten Constables and their Watches come vppon him with their billes : why good wordes , or a dozen of ale will please them , but nothing will stop this roagues mouthes but money : and yet yfaith I am greatly in his bookes , for though I misuse him neuer so much , yet the Rogue durst not crosse me . Enter Boy . Let mee see Boy , masse t is a prettie Doublet .

Boy .

The Taylor sir , intreates you to remember your day .

Nue:

My day ? Gods light , my day ? why what dooth a take me for , I thinke ?

Boy .

A takes you for a Gentleman sir , I thinke .

Nue:

A Gentleman , and remember my day , no , i le hold my life hee takes mee for some Marchant or Cittizen , but i le make him knowe my strength , ere I leaue him , hee shall finde a second Sampson of mee . I can breake my bonds boy , I can , I can .

Boy :

But come sir , will you trye your doublet first .

Nue.

O I , come , come plucke , but take heede of my ruffe I pray thee : this doublet is too little , a pox in him .

Boy :

Not now , hee is on sir .

Nue.

No when he is off , I meane boy .

Boy :

Beleeue it sir , but it becomes ye well though .

Nue:

Doth it indeede ? masse I thinke it doe , me thinkes I haue a reasonable good legge in 't .

Boy :

So you haue sir , but your heele is a little too short .

Nue:

Yea , why too short ?

Boy :

Because your long heele sir doth alwaies best become your great Calfe .

Nue:

Why ? my Calfe is not verrie greate .

Boy :

O sir yes , why a man shall not see a greater Calfe of your age , for I thinke you are not aboue twentie .

Nue:

Not so much , but come helpe off my doublet now .

Boy :

I will sir .

Nue:

Come , i le see how t will looke heere , and goe thou and watch the doore , that no body come the whilst , hum , hum , hum , if I had a band for 't .

Boy :

Why that about your necke sir .

Nue:

But what if any body should come the whilst ?

Boy :

Why doe not I keepe the doore ?

Nue:

Masse that 's trew : hum , hum , hum .

O t is Maister Nuecome , I knowe him , a fine Gentleman yfaith i le salute him by and by as I passe . Maister Nuecome I take it , I crie ye hartily mercy good Maister Nuecome , I am glad to see you in good health sir , I shall intreat you to pardon mee , I protest I did not knowe you in that suite , you haue a verrie faire doubleton , the Gods giue you ioy sir : There is neuer a Lord in the Land may be asham'd to weare it sir , rap , rap , rap , rap .

Gods light carrie away my Doublet quickly , quickly , quicklie .

Boy :

I warrant ye sir .

Enter a Messenger . Enter a Seruingman . Nue:

Gods pretious my Bande , what shall I doe now ?

Ser.

By yeur leaue sir , my mistris , mistris Peg sent to see how your worship doth .

Nue.

I thanke her verry heartily , I pray commend me to her .

Ser.

I le doe your commendations sir , but I pray you bee couered sir , I pray yon be couered .

Nue.

I thanke ye heartily , t is for mine ease , the weather is hot , hot , verie hot .

Ser.

So it is indeede sir , well sir , by your leaue sir , i le be so bold sir as to carrye your commendations sir .

Nue.

Doe so good friend , farwell , farwell .

Exit . Seruing .

What a beast was I to put off my band , yet the greiefs the lesse , because he came from Peg , which is a Wench I must confesse dotes on my exterior vertues , but I can by no meanes affect hir : onely , because the poore Wretch , in heate of her passion shall not melt her selfe away in teares , shee sometimes inforceth me to sweare and protest I affect her , marry alwaies with mentall reseruations for my soules health , for you knowe that sometimes it is policie Courtiers and Statesmen should vse fallacy .

Exit Nuecome . Enter the Lady with a seruant . La.

Giue charge vnto the cooke a make not too much haste with supper , for I hope your maister will be here to night , and looke you keepe fast the doore , let no man trouble me .

Ser:

I will Madam .

Lrd.

Now thankes gentle heauens , O bee you smiling stil on my designes , and let your influence poure down good fortunes , and be not angrie , nor no more maleuolent , but make my husbands reconcilement irreuocable .

Enter Captaine Wouldly , and Seruingman . Ser.

Sir , I shall be shent for letting of you in .

Cap.

Sblood I tell thee I will speake with her , what woldst thou barre my chance when my whole fortunes lies on the cast .

La.

O heauens , stars , fates , Gods smile not like Summer on these Wasps no longer , that daly bussing come to sting my honnour .

Cap:

Saue thee sweet Lady , I heare thy husband is from home , which makes me come to tender thee my persons loue .

Lad.

Your parsons Loue ( sir ) is moste commonly a benefice , O that I should bee troubled with this Asse now , doe you heare sir , if my husband should come and finde you here we were both vndone .

Cap.

Your husband , your husband is an asse , by this light and he should offer you but an ill look in my sight , t weare better he had no eyes : but t is your owne fault that would not ere now accept of the loue of a Souldiar , to haue kept the slaue in some awe .

Ser.

O! how reprochfully the Captaine swaggers , i le away , for feare he grow furious .

Exit seruant . Cap.

But doost heare me sweete Lady , I haue loued thee long , and must now inioy thee . Feare nothing : this warlike sword of mine shal defend thine honour , this Martial blade shall do 't : life it shall yfaith .

Rap , rap , rap . La.

Hark , hark , my husband is come .

she lookes through the doore . Cap:

Your Husband , ha ! where , where ?

La.

T is not he ? but i le trie my Captaines vallour nowe . O sir , my husband , what shall I doe now , he hath a Pistoll in his hand too , he will kill vs both .

Cap.

A pistoll ? cods my life , what shall I doe then ? I pray hide me some where .

La.

O no! as ye loue me , must inioy mee , and will defend my honour , draw forth this warlike sword : this is the martiall blade must doe it , therefore I beseech you good Captaine now or neuer .

Cap:

Gods pretious woman , he hath a pistoll , a sword no shield against a bullet . receiue , & then to haue , hold , manure & occupie in statu quo prius , that is in the state before & I do not doubt but your grant in this case will be good , for there is a case that proues this in quinto of Rich the third : a patron was seisd of an aduowsion in fee , with two nuns appendant , & therunto presented a parson , with a prouiso , that if the incumbent shold alien grant , demise , let , set , or otherwise put away the premises , or any part or parcell thereof , that then it should be lawful for the patron ( or his assignes ) in and vppon the whole to re-enter . The incumbent aliend , the Patron entred , the Quare was , whether those two Nuns were any part of the premises , & by vertue of the prouiso subiect to the reentrie : & after long dispute it was agreed by all the Court , that the entrie was good , as wel in the two Nuns , as in the rest of the premises . Then much more in this case , where we are both lay men .

La:

Sure this fellow thinkes he hath some right to me , & he hopes to win me by law , but what thinke yee : if my husband should come and enter now vpon vs two , in what case were you ?

Ex.

Why wel enough , perchance he would complaine of me to the bench , and then I shold be put out of commons : that 's the worst he could doe , & that 's nothing ; for I was once put out of commons before , for beating of the panyard man : and in againe within three daies after .

Enter a Seruant : Ser.

O Madam , madam , what will you doe ? my maister is come as I am a liuing man .

Lad

O lasse sir , what shall I doe with you ?

Exh.

Why hide me some where , cannot ye hide me heere ?

La.

O no , no , no , he doth vse to search all the house still , to see if he can finde any bodie heere , but i le tell ye what ye shall doe , draw out your rapier and goe out against him , & whatsoeuer question he ask you , make him no answere , but onely say , ye doubt not for all this , but you shall meete him and be reuenged well enough in an other place , and leaue the rest to me .

Exh:

I warrant ye .

Exeunt Exhebition and Seruant Enter Knight . La.

Come out , come out man .

Cap.

Slight woman your husband will see me .

La:

Spretious man , that 's all one , come out , come out , draw your sword , hold it in your hand , make some showe of resistance .

Cap.

Sblood woman he hath a pistoll .

La:

He hath none , he hath none , by this hand I did but iest .

Cap.

Nor no other weapon ?

La.

Nor no other weapon ?

Cap:

Yfaith .

La.

Why will ye not beleeue me ? yfaith he hath not .

Cap

Well then , well , nay I care not if he had .

Enter Knight and Wages . Kni

Why how now Wife , what s the matter ? what stirre haue we heere ?

La.

Why husband did you not meet a man with a rapier drawne in his hand ?

Kni.

Yes , and heere s another .

La.

Alas husband , he would a kild this poore Gentleman , but that he came and ranne in heere for shelter , and because I would not suffer him spoile him here in your house , he is gone in such a rage as you neuer saw .

Kni.

My faith , and he swore indeede hee would be reuenged in an other place : did he not Wages ?

Wag.

he did indeed sir .

Kni.

Beleeue me , and he might easily haue slaine you sir , for he had a very long rapier .

La.

True , I know my selfe he had the better weapon , or else I would nere a stood so against him .

Kni.

I , had I such a rapier , I would a made him run like an Irish Lackey .

La:

I , to haue ouertaken ye .

Kn.

Wel wife , beleue me , I thank ye for this : for I wold not for the wealth of all this towne he should a hurt him in my house , well sir you shall sup with mee : and after supper i le conduct you to your lodging my selfe , but feare nothing .

Cap.

I thanke you sir .

Exeunt . Knt La Cap
Actus Quinti Scaena prima . Enter Knight and Slacke . Sla.

Why did you not perceiue it ?

Kni.

Not , I protest .

Sla.

O monstrous ! why did she not say herselfe , she knew hee had the better weapon , for which cause she stood against him , meaning Bauderie , flat baudery , and yet you could not perceiue it : now by this light , had you slept but one foote lighter , ye had taken them in the verrie fact , but you goe dreaming hanging downe your head , that t is no maruell your wife makes you a Cuckold : for the husband being the wiues head , why when the head goes downe thus , the heeles must needes mount vp .

Kni.

I le neuer more heare of reconcilement , but bee diuorced immediately .

Sla.

Streight put her away , why you may haue wiues enough .

Kn.

O wiues too much .

Sla.

There 's your wiues Kinswoman Mistris rich , vertuous Peg , shee is faire , modest , honest , chaste , wise , sober , discreete and honorable .

Kni.

And would a be acquainted with me fal'st ?

Sla.

Who ?

Kni.

The man thou speakest of .

Sla.

Why I speake of none , I talke of a woman ,

Kni.

And haue all these good conditions .

Slac:

I , why not ?

Kni.

Doost know her .

Sla.

I .

Kni.

Harke then , rent a chamber , hang out her picture , take twelue pence a peece at the least ,

For enough wil come I knowe : To see that which none else can showe . Slac.

Slight I thinke the man be madde , but will yee not haue her sir ?

Kni.

Yes , if thou tell true , who would not haue her : but first make winged speede to purchase my diuorce , holde heere 's money , make hast , vse no delay ,

For all men must for expedition pay . Sla.

I goe , and you shall bee diuorc'd or else my braine shall swet : for what your folly looseth , my wit shall get .

Exit Slacke at one doore , and enter Wages at the other . Kni.

O Wages , i le tell thee newes , I haue sent for a diuorce , and what wilt thou say when I am marryed to a newe wife ?

Wag.

Then sir will I say as the prouerbe saies , marriage and hanging comes by destinie : but if ye be diuorced , & wil followe my counsaile you shal hang your selfe , rather then marrie againe .

Kni.

No Wages , I doe not holde that so good : for sure , marriage is better then hanging in some .

Wag.

True , in some respect , and that onelye because you haue a longer time of repentance , but I pray sir , i st a christian that you meane to marrie ?

Kni.

A Christian ! I , why doost thinke I would marry a Iew ?

Wag :

I doe not like that so well sir , because it is the fashion amongst them to send Capons to their Godfathers for New yeares giftes , and vppon my life sir , shee le one time or other clap you vp in a basket , and send you away for good handsell : but I pray sir who is it ?

Kni.

Peg , is she not a fine Gentlewoman ?

Wag.

Beyond praise .

Kni.

Hath she not a piercing eye ?

Wag.

And t were a Ferrit .

Kni.

A delicate nose .

Wag.

And it were a Mulberrie .

Kni.

Teeth like two rowes of orient pearle .

Wag.

But the string is broken & many of them are fallen out .

Kni:

Hands as white as Pelops shoulder .

Wag.

I , and as thicke too .

Kni.

Wages .

Wag.

Sir .

Kni:

Goe to her , and measure by thy protestations the depth of my affections : tell her what I will bee to her , not what I haue bin to others : if she alleadge to thee her cousens presupposed wronges , tell hir , I well could haue bene hood-winck'd to her cousens faultes , so I had neuer seen her face .

Wag.

But what shall I tell hir if she say you are gelded ?

Kni.

I there 's it indeed , there is no excuse for that : yet thou maist tel her , I did it only to preserue my voice . Deliuer this Iewell to her hand , and with it euen my hearts affection .

Wag.

I will sir , and if the Wenches close my proiectes carie , spite of mischance you shall your owne wife marry .

Exit Wages . Kni.

Now must I be frolicke , learne to speake well , and woo with a good garbe : and now I thinke on 't , I haue a pretie conceite of mine owne , I will tell her that the wooing of a young wench , is the felling of a tree , and the getting of her friends good wil , like the lopping of the tree , therefore first it behoues me to hew down the tree & then i le climbe with ease : but if at first to fell it I be not able , t' assay to climbe it shall be in vaine . Welcome , hast thou brought the diuorce .

Enter Slacke Sla:

T is heere sir .

Kni.

Come then , le ts in , it ioyes mee much that thou so soone hast sped ,

For houres seeme yeares , till it be published .

Exeunt Omnes . Enter Lady , Nan , and Peg. Nan. .

But tell mee good Madam , why are you so melancholly ?

La.

To thinke vpon the sawsie importunitie of my Seruant Slacke : he is like a badge on a coate , he is neuer off , off my sleeue , and yet I shun him like the pest .

Peg :

And he followes you like infection .

Nan :

Nay I would he did so by me , for I protest I loue him beyond my thoughts , I couet nothing like his company , and yet he hates me , lothes my sight , but then comes the welchman your loue , and he hanges on my lips like a Padlocke on a Pedlars Budget .

Peg :

And hates me as much , for if I come but neare him , hee sweares I am like a Kybe , alwaies at his heeles .

Nan :

Come Madam , doe not grieue at that which griefe can no way mend .

La:

I would not , if I could mend that which doth cause my griefe .

Enter Wages . Wag.

Newes , newes .

Nan .

What newes .

Wa:

You are diuorced .

La,

Why diuorced , why ? ha , speake .

Wag.

Nay , I cannot speake the cause Madam ? but questionles t is true , and mistris Peg , my maister nowe makes loue to you .

Peg.

To me ?

Na:

To thee , I to thee , go thy waies , thou shalt be a Lady , I euer thought thou wouldst come to some promotion , as the boy did that had a bag and a staffe and beg'd for himselfe , but how dost thou knowe he is in loue with her .

Wa.

Know 't why I haue seene him stand an houre togither behinde an Oaken tree , calling it sweet mistris , kind Peg and making speeches to it .

Na,

As how ? as how ? prethee how ?

Wa:

Stand you for the tree , and i le speake for my Maister .

Nan. .

I will , and that moste stifly yfaith .

Wa.

Then thus he begins : Deare mistris Peg I must confesse .

Na.

Nay then hee is a dead man already .

Wa.

Why ?

Na, ,

Why confesse and be hang'd euer .

Wa:

O ho , but I meane he doth confesse shee 's faire .

Nan .

That s all one , hee 's but one man , and one witnesse can neuer proue her fact , but prethee on with thy speech .

Wag.

Why then this faire Mistris I must confesse .

Nan :

But he will not confesse before witnesse will he ?

Wag.

Push , did not I tell you he would speake to an Oke .

Nan :

Nay , then that will bee a strong proofe indeed .

Wag.

Proofe , Nay , if that be not proofe , how say by this token .

Na,

I marry sir , would wee had more such tokens of his loue .

Wag :

This Mistris he hath sent to you .

Peg.

Looke you Madam , your husband now makes loue to me .

Na.

Sir how peart thou art , why looke woman , your loue as mad woes mee , and to me sent this ring .

La.

And my man the man you so esteeme , spite of refusall left with mee this chaine .

Na.

This chaine : for euer may he lincked bee to woe , that hates my loue , and woes another so .

Wag:

Well , le ts in , and be but patient all a while , for if the worst doe fall , that euer did fall ,

A plots in chace that shall out strip them al

Exeunt . Omnes . Enter Knight and Cupid before him . Kni:

Now if shee should refuse my Iewell and contemne my loue , or contemne my loue , and take my Iewell : what a foole was I to send her a token till I had some token of her affection , as if women might be woed with giftes , for when we giue them those things which moste wee loue , they doe esteem we loue them better then those things we giue , when they poore fooles doe but deceiue themselues , for we doe live as Marchants venter , for a treble ; again we send them tokens only to get them and their portions . But there comes my persecutor .

Enter Lady . La.

Why doost thou haunt me like a Ghost , thou femall inner : thou hast not holy church in thy power with all hit commaundements , to keepe mee from thy vnhallowed presence : how durst thou break the Edict pronounced by the mouth of holy Church Man ? art thou not Diuorced ? is not our separation blowne into the peoples eares , euen by Iehouahs chosen Trumpetter ? First , thou didst breake thy vow to mee , and madest of euery Priapus a Trumpet ; on which thou blowedst thine owne infamie : therefore auoide , thou leauend lumpe of sinfulnes , auoyd .

O my still beloued Husband , like filth or durt , doe not flea me like a Serpent , which comes to sting thy bosome ; I come to kisse ; Sweet let not suspect diuorce me from thy presence , though from thy bedde : For if you will trust this masked face , I knowe : No fountaine purer than my Loue would show .

Kni.

I flie , and hate thee like a Serpents hissing , which comes to sting me with pretence of kissing .

Exit Knight .

O faintie teares , and feeble handes , for euer may you close , and neuer part till sharpest griefe haue cut the heart-strings of my life . Or else let this same braine of mine dissolue to teares , and droppe it selfe euen drop by drop , vntill it make a Sea of woes , that therein I may drowne my wretched life .

Enter Slacke . Slacke .

Alas poore Ladie , I pittie your calamitie , and grieue to see you bruised by my Maisters iniurie , which makes your eyes like spunges drop these brinish teares , and spoyles a Face , such as was neuer better one framde by the skilfull hand of Nature .

Ladie .

Auoyd thou slaue , how durst thou woe mee ? I am like a starre to thee ; my Orb 's aboue thee .

Slacke .

O! then my Loue is a most cleare and brightest starre : look not with a maleuolent Aspect vpon me , but let your eyes bright raise vp my life , and so extoll my thoughts

Lady . Perish may thy selfe and loue together : Heauens graunt againe , I nere may heare of eyther . Exit Ladie . Slacke .

What shall I doe ?

Enter Nan . Nan . Respect her most , that most of all loues you .

O! doe not turne away those Eyes , whose radiant beames first nursd my flame .

Slacke .

Auoyde thou vnresistable Torteror , more fretting to my thoughts then Cankars are to Mettalls . How often haue I tolde thee of my hatred ? For of this bee thou sure and still remembred : deepe hate ( like loue ) can hardly be dissembled .

Exit Slacke . Nan . I , doest thou hate me then ? O brightest Venus , Now or neuer make thy blinde Sonne see ; and wound his heart , whose hate hath wounded mee . Enter Nucome . Nuc.

Oh here shee is ; pray God my Band sit well . Faire Lady , may I presume with the Bee to sucke Hony from thy lippes , for I dream'd the last night .

Nan .

Nay , I thought he would wooe me dreaming like a Welshman .

Nuc.

That I was transfigured , metamorphosd , or transform'd into a flea in thy Bed .

Nan :

But did I not kill yee then ?

Nuc.

Me thoght you did did , but first I dream't I flung you .

Na.

Yet againe dreaming , i le talke no more , but be gon ; for feare I wake him .

Exit Nan . Nuc.

And then me thought , as I was skipping from your knee vnto your thigh , & so forth ; you told a Gentleman of it , a friend of yours ; who most courtly and softly putting in his hand to catch mee . Spretious shee 's gone , sure t' is the acutenes of my ingenuitie , which makes my ieasts so stinging , as she cannot endure them : I must needs eat some of your new court-water-gruell , to qualifie my my inuention .

Enter Peg. Peg.

Thou need'st not loue , speake what thou wilt , if gently thou doe speake , thy words to mee are much more Musicall then is a Syrens voyce . Orpheus himselfe could neuer straine his high stretch'd strings to such Melodious sounds , as when thy voyce doth pierce the eare .

Nuc.

T' is but for my wit she loues me : I sent her trickes alreadie : for Courtyers must aswell thriuing bee , Haue Noses to smell out , as Eyes to see .

Enter Nucome . Peg.

Despis'de , and left alone , filde brim full of griefe , and no way to vnloade mee of my cares .

But through these running eyes , in streames of teares .

Enter Knight . Kni.

Whose teares like to a cleer , yet poysoned source , haue with their vapours through these eyes ( the windowes to my heart ) infected all my thoughts . Thy eyes do shoote forth glances like to starres , though seated in a moyste and rainie Skie , the which hath wounded euen my heart , and I must die ; Lest Achilles launce-like , healed by your eye .

Peg. I pray you seeke some-where else , if you bee ill , For I in Surgerie-haue little skill . Exit Peg. Kni. I le follow my sute , not ceassing till the most of triall , For hee 's a foole in Loue that makes denyall . Exit Knight . Cupid .

Here hath bene a Maze , a Round , a Whyrling in Loue ,

How like the spoakes of a Ladyes Coach-wheeles They runne one after another : And as of them you see neyther , So none of these can ouertake eyther . And though you see them thus forsaken , They shall be marryed , but mistaken : Which for performance yet a while , I must be labouring to beguile . Onely the men , and make them venter , To runne a Circle farre from Center Of their hopes ; yet for their good , Where blinded each like Hawke in hood , Shall Marry better then they Wooed . Exit Cupid . Enter Ladie and Wages . Wages .

Nay Madame , it must needes bee so , or else the Priest will neuer Marrie me .

La.

And so you would haue vs all bee Marryed masked .

Wages .

True , to which you all may easily perswade your Louers , telling them with my Marriage , will be with much the lesse suspect effected .

Ladie .

But say , who shall knowe vs , when our Faces are not seene ?

Wages .

The better ; for then you shall appoint each one of them , to chuse you by theyr owne Tokens , which you within your selues shall chaunge : Mistris Peg shall weare Mistris Nans Ring , Mistris Nan your Chaine , and you Mistris Pegs iewell .

Lad :

But shall they neede to come naked too ?

Wag.

O I , by any meanes , onely for some priuate reasons vnto mee , in which perswasion if you will practise that you know , you will preuaile .

Lady .

I le doe my best most willingly .

Wages . Then come Madam , let 's in : I know it will doe . For this is held a principle in Schooles , Loue makes not fooles wise men , but wise men fooles . Exeunt omnes . Enter foure Boyes . 1.

Nominatiuo , hic , haec , hoc .

2.

A Nowne is the name of a thing .

3.

Amo , amas , amaui , amare .

4.

In speech be these eight parts .

Enter Maister Correction , and Wages . Ma. Cor.

I promise you sir , I had Dinde forth to day , but that you see the weather is Clowdie , and the Heauens lowre on my delights .

Wages .

I pray you sir , whose Sonne is that bigger Boy ?

M. C.

It is Maister Parmisins sonne the Cheese-monger , and the next to him is Maister Cauetas sonne the Ferry-man , two very prettie sparks i le assure you . Tobias Parmasin , come hither Tobias , holde vp your head Tobias , and looke and you can see a penny in my browe : So , t' is well done ; What part of speech is Mentula ?

1.

A nowne Adiectiue .

M. C.

And why a nowne adiectiue ?

1.

Because it stands not by himselfe , but it requires an other word to be ioyned with it .

M. C.

Marke you Syr , I teach both substance and meaning ; I doe not teach as your common people , d , o , b , a , b , b , bottles ; Goe sit you downe againe Tobyas , Timothie , come yee hither Timothie : How construe you this verse Timothie ? I am , iam , Tacturus , Sidera summa putes .

2.

I am , iam , O Iohn , Iohn , putes , doe thou put , Sidera , summa , Syder in Summer , Tacturus , in Tankerds .

Wages .

A very forward childe , I promise ye .

Maist. C.

Goe sit you downe againe : Will you heare them all examined Syr ?

Wag.

Mosse willingly good good Maister Correction .

M. C.

Yee shall sir ; Syr , I haue taken as much paines with them , as anie Poet whatsoeuer could haue done , to make them answer vpon their Q. with good action , distinction , & deliberation : ha , ha , ha , how many diuels are there ?

2.

Number infinite .

M. C.

Looke you Syr , there are an infinite number of Diuels : What is the Diuell ?

3.

A wicked Spirit .

M. C.

What is the nature of that wicked spirit ?

4.

To worke mischiefe .

M. C.

On whom doth it worke mischiefe ?

1.

On all mankinde .

M. C.

When hath he most power to worke mischiefe ?

2.

When Man hath taken his liquor .

M. C.

With what visitations then deludes he mankinde ?

3.

With strange Earthquakes .

M. C.

What is the mans best comfort ?

4.

To sleepe and slumber .

M. Cor.

Looke ye now sir , are they not pretty children ?

Wag.

Very prettie , and well taught , I le assure you sir .

M. C.

Sir , I will tell you , notwithstanding all these paines I take with them , yet how vnkindely their Parents vse me : they suffer theyr younger Children to beray the Church-porch : And no longer since then Munday last , came the Officiall , and there beeing angrie with mee about other matters , hee threwe that in my dish , as if I could haue helped it : but I answered him sufficiently : For I tolde him , they that did it , were but the Children and the youth , and youth would breake out in despite of his Nose ; or the best mans Nose in the parish .

Wages .

I thinke yee spend most of your time with your Schollers heere : yee keepe little other companie .

M. C.

Yes sometimes sir , here was yesterday Maister Nucome the Courtier , doe you not knowe him sir ?

Wages .

O very well sir .

M. C.

Hee is a fine Gentleman , a good Scholler , and an excellent Naturalist : and truly fell into a great disputation , ( peace these Boyes there ) and our Argument was , whether a Foole or a wiseman made the best Lawyer . He stood for the Wise man , and I most Scholastically , stoode for the Foole : and thus I began my Syllogisme , ( peace these Boyes when I bid ye ) your wiseman ( said I ) vseth few words , your Foole , much babling ; your best Lawyers vse much babling . Ergo , your Fooles makes the best Lawyers .

Wag.

And belieue me sir , t' was well prooued .

Ma. C.

A flash , a flash , a foolish Schoole-point , a foolish Schole-point .

Wag.

O I , and confuted mee too , onely by reason of a scuruie old Prouerbe which sayes , Children and Fooles doe alwayes tell true : but your best Lawyers doe not alwayes tell true : Ergò , your Fooles make not your best Lawyers , a most strong and strange Argument .

Wag.

I pray Maister Correction , let mee intreat a Play-day for your Schollers .

Ma. C.

O Maister Wages , they do nothing else , they do nothing but play , nothing but play .

Wag :

Nay good sir , do not deny me , for I haue some priuate busines with you of great importance .

M. C.

Nay then sir you shall preuaile indeed : you shall , yet I remember ; Dyonisius ille Tyrannus , Scyciliae crudelissimus , crudelissimus Sciciliae Tyrannus ille Dyonisius : sayes to one of his Pupils : Hue ades , haec animo , concipe dictatuo . So I say vnto you all my Maisters , reuerere Maiores : plucke off your Hats to your betters , and looke yee giue the Woman the wall , and so goe your wayes .

Omnes Gratias : Gratias : Gratias : Gratias : Exeunt omnes Schollars . Enter Mistris Correction . Wages .

Morrow Mistris Correction .

Mistris Cor.

Morrow good Wages .

Maister Corr.

Morrow sweet Wife , sweete Frisset , sweet Nuptiall .

Mistris Corr.

O Maister Wages ! how doth your good Maister , sir Timothie Troublesome ? what , doth he thinke he is a Cuckold still ?

Maist. Corr.

An arrant Cuckold ( Wife ) belieue it .

Mistris Corr.

Come , come , Husband , you are such another ; why doe you say so ?

Ma. Corr :

Because it is true , Wife .

Wages .

Syr , Maister Correction you are mistaken , I thinke hee be no Cuckold .

Ma. Cor:

Good Maister Wages talke no more of Cuckolds ; I would they were all in the Sea for my part .

Mi. C.

Husband , can you swim ?

Ma. C.

No Wife , nor I desire not to learne .

Mi. C.

I would haue you in any case appoint with my Husband that I may come masked .

Wages .

Peace , that plot is already drawne , Maister Correction , I am sent vnto you from my maister , who commends his Loue vnto you , intreating you will giue your diligent attendance this Euening at the Church , because himselfe vpon his Diuorce , is priuately to be marryed to a new wife : three other couples he brings with him , they all come masked , yet I will giue you priuate notice what each one is : onely I must desire you not to saile .

Maist. Cor.

Maister Wages , your Maister is the helme by which my labours are gouern'd : and tell him I will steare all the nauie of my actions by his directions : And so pray commend me backe to him .

Well sir then , till then Farewell .

Mai. Cor.

The like to you sir . Come Wise , I hope that thou shalt thriue , for as all your Cockatrices maintaine surgions by theyr issues : So doth the Priest and Midwife agree : I set them together , they make worke for thee .

M. C.

And truely Husband , i le come to their labours , be it at midnight , if they send for me .

Exeunt omnes . Enter Ladie , Nan , and Peg. Ladie .

Doth my Tyre sit well Nan ?

Nan :

Passing well , i le assure you Madame .

Peg.

Prethee tell me too , how am I drest ?

Nan .

Why thou art very well drest too , but basted admirably : for the threedes sit in thy Gowne , Marrie thou wantst a little Cramming .

Peg.

And that 's pittie ; for I can tell you , I am of my selfe a rare bit .

Nan .

Nay then thou art for the Seruingmen , for your Gallants ( I can assure you ) ride altogether with a snaffle .

Peg.

Come , thou hast such a deale of wit .

Nan .

Indeede I had , before I spent it amongst such vnthankfull persons as you are Peg ; but I prethee pinne , my Gowne close before : for it .

Peg.

That I will , but why then doest thou obscure thy Brauerie ? this thy Petticoate is a great deale richer then thy Gowne .

Nan .

Faith I , I weare my cloathes as your Gallants we are their wits , the best side inwards , I scorne to show it .

Peg.

But for all this Idle talke , I would we had appointed our marriage to morrowe morning .

La.

Then the people would a stood gazing on vs , and besides , we should haue bin like thee in dutch , subiect to euerie Coblers interpretation , but now being marryed in the euening , presentely bed time followes .

Peg.

Phoe , but t is not the fashion .

Nan .

Tut , hang fashion , I loue it in nothing but my cloathes .

La.

Why , thou knowst t is not the fashion in all places to lie with ones owne husband euerie night . Slight I had rather lie with a man , and neuer marrie him , then marrie a man and neuer lie with him , come , come , I speake my minde freely , I am none of these simpering wenches that come at euerie , word & saies I forsooth , & no forsooth , & blushes at the sight of a childe , it puts her in minde how t was made & cries faugh at a wanton lest in a plaie , and harkens to a baudie tale in her eare .

Peg.

I , t is but dishonorable to marrie thus in hugger mugger , men will say we are with childe , and are asham'd to shew our faces .

Nan .

Our faces ! why our faces I hope do : not show vs to be with childe , t is out bellies showes that , and I hope thou art quicke flesh and not dead fish , thou wilt not turne vp the white of thy belly , woo't ? but prethee tell me , was I not marryed yesterday ?

Peg.

Yesterday , why doost aske ?

Nan .

Because , like a young marryed woman that 's poisoned before shee is baud , I begin to long alreadie .

Peg.

For what I pray thee ?

Na.

Faith to be a bed with my husband .

Peg.

'alas woman , those that are past childe bearing , vse to long for that too .

Na.

Nay , but my longing yet me thinkes stretches a great deale longer , for I long to be a Widdow , that I might haue a new Husband : yet not for any concupiscent desires , that I haue in the world .

Peg.

No , I thinke so too , but onely a desire thou hast to trie the difference of men , and therfore I thinke thou wert best next to marrie an olde man with a white head , because thou maiest sleep quiet & not be troubled a nights .

La.

By this light I had as liue marrie a Saint Dauis Leeke , no , no , take this of me , where euer thou seest the Snowe lye on the Mountaines , be assured there 's no great heate in the vallie .

Na.

Let me see , I would be a —

Peg :

A Priestes wife I warant ye , because thou wouldest fare costly , and liue lasily .

Nan .

No Nan , then marrie a Londoner , for then thou shalt liue a life & t were a Lady , weare thy golde necklace , and goe in thy Veluet cap euerie day .

Peg.

True , and then when thy husband is a broad in trafficke for commodities , in other countries , why thou maist deale at home for ready money

Na.

No not a Londoner by no meanes .

Peg.

No , why ?

Nan .

Why if they haue but a plague amongst them one weeke they all crie out of a dead time streight , besides , if they receiue but a little losse at sea , they breake streight , and where the husband breakes , you knowe the wife can no longer hold out , she must downe too for want of maintenance .

Peg.

Nay then marrie a Souldier , for questionlesse most of them will vse their wiues wel , for they loue their punkes exceedingly .

La:

O but they haue a vile sault too , for they alwaies beget their children by day , and then they be squint eyed , for when the Father lookes one way , and the mother another , to see if any body come the whilst , how can the childe look right ?

La:

What saist thou by a Ciuilian Nan .

Nan .

O no , by no meanes , for moste of their posteritie haue ill lucke , for what their fathers get by baudie courts , they commonly spend it all againe in baudie houses , No and euer I marry againe , i le marrie an Irish Marchant , because they all speake latine , and indeed are moste of them Philosophers by fortune : Omnia mea mecum porto , for they carry all their ware in their breech : but come , let vs make hast away , I feare out louers doe our comming stay .

Exeunt Om . Enter the old Lord , and the Marchant . Old Lord :

You see maister Venter , the greatest comfort that is left me now , is onely in my neighbours loues , where are these knaues there ?

Enter a Seruingman , Ser.

My Lord .

Old Lor.

What haue they sup'd within .

Ser.

Not yet my Lord .

Old Lord .

Why so , thou art an honest knaue , goe see that none want wine .

Ser.

I will my Lord .

Exit a Seruingman . Old Lor.

I would not haue the worst complaine of scarcitie or want of any thing , for Maister Venter wee shall carrie nothing with vs , for naked we into the world came , without that which we now possesse and haue , and without it we must vnto the graue . Enter Sir Iohn Correction . O Sir Iohn , Sir Iohn , I thanke you for your homelye to day , but it you haue a fault sir Iohn , the which in any of your Schollers would deserue a whipping : you are come to late , I and to a feast and all , well , well , well , but you shall fare the worse for this sir Iohn .

Ma. Co:

I would desire a word in priuate with your honou .

Old Lor :

With all my heart : They Whisper They shall be welcome , euen exceeding welcome , and I thanke you too .

Exit Correction .

Harke you neighbour , Sir Iohn tels mee that to honnour me in this my predecessors still accustom'd feast , foure new marryed couples are heather come in a maske , newlie from the church , their feete not yet since their nuptiall , haue kisd their owne thresholds .

Enter Maister correction , Cupide and the maskers dauncing Wen.

T is Signe ye are well belou'd my Lord .

Old Lor.

I am indeede Maister Venter , I am indeede .

Gentlemen and Women , yee are all welcome euen with my heart , I with my heart yfaith . O neighbour Venter my Sonne and your Daughter now bee marryed , what a ioyfull maske would this haue bin .

Ven.

T is true my Lord , but they are fled beyond all hope of euer seeing them againe .

Old Lo.

T is trew , t is trew , yet though the frute gone be , my griefe you see , like leaues sticke fast vppon this tree . but come neighbour come , le ts sit & look vpon this youthfull dauncing mirth , for youth and mirth haue daunc'd themselues out at heeles with me .

Nay , pray Gentlemen vnmaske , that we may knowe to whome we shall be thankful for this honour , how now my Sonne ?

The first couple vnmaske and kneele . Ven.

My Daughter .

Old Lor.

Now may my blessiug raise thee from the ground .

Ven:

And mine make thee both fruitfull , and a faithfull wife .

Slacke .

Why what are you ?

Na. Mistook of you , but such is womans fantasie , Constant in nothing but vnconstancie : For I that first you moste abhord , Lou'd you a slaue , and hated you a Lord . Slac. Well , woodcocke like by thy bill , t is my hap , Thus fast to be catched in a womans trap . Nue.

Now by my conscience I am deceiu'd .

Na.

No , not a whit , for I will loue you euer .

Nue. Well , giue me your hand then , since t is my fate , What marriage ioines , I le neuer separate . Kni.

What now , remaried ? Sir Timothy and his wife vnmasked

Na.

O! I repent it not , this match is double made , and twice hath holy Hymens fingers tide the knot .

Nue.

Well , since t is thus hence foorth i le loue thee euer , for que sera , sera , gainst what plots so euer , but who is this , maister Correction ?

Ma. Co.

A friend of yours . They vnmaske . Spretious t is my wife .

Na.

O then sir t is a friend of yours .

Ma. C.

Come ye away huswife , come ye from him , come .

Mi. Co.

Faith sir no , why is he not my husband ? did not you your selfe marrie me to him ? but doe you heare , you were best be quiet and let me alone , if not , yfaith i le tell all .

Ma. Cor.

Tell what thou canst , iustice my Lord Iustice , I beseech ye for Iustice .

Mi. Cor.

Nay , I beseech your Lordship too , though I am but a weake vessell called a Woman , & therefore by reason of my bashfulnes vnable sir to set foorth mine owne tale , yet I doubt not , but I shal finde good hearing at your Lord ships hand , if ye wil but giue me leaue to open mine own case .

Old Lor.

Speake , what are your greeuances .

Mi. Cor.

May it please your honour in few words , my husband hath foure wiues , and then I hope t is as lawfull for me to haue two husbands .

Old Lord .

How doe you answere this Sir Iohn ?

Ma. Cor.

And like your honour , I thinke t is as lawfull for me to haue foure wiues , as t is for my parson to haue foure benefices , considering I vse them as he dooth his benefices , for I protest to your honour , I neere came neare none of them .

Mi. Cor.

Will not this doe it Maister Wages ?

Wag.

No , you see he hath answerd it .

Mi. Co.

Nay then and it like your Lordship , I may bee diuorc'd for another thing , but that I am ashamd to speake on 't .

Kni.

Nay , you must tell what t is .

M. Cor.

Truely I am halfe ashamde .

Old Lor.

Come , come woman , neuer be a shamde to tell ( true .

Mi: Cor.

And I may be so bolde to tell your honour in priuate .

Old Lo.

With all my heart .

Mi. Co.

Truely and like your honour , he hath not that a man should haue .

Old . Lo.

No , why what doth he want .

M. C.

Nay pray your Lordshippe to spare me now , faith I am asham'd .

Old Lord .

Nay good Mistris Correction , I must knowe what it is .

Mi. Cor.

Why then sir I must needes tell : truely a hath neuer a beard .

Old Lord . Indeede a man should haue a beard . Well mistris correction , your husband must haue you backe againe : And thus in friendship endes long Iealious strife , With all thinges well , saue Wages wants a wife . Enter Cupid . BVt Gentlemen , whose iudgements sit in strict commission on the wit : Which from the Authors pen did flowe He wisheth at all but this to knowe . that if you well doe censure him , He redie is with brains and pen , Another time to pleasure you , If not , he bids you all adue . For well he knowes he hath done wels And so he boldly dares to tell . Yet for the children ere I goe , Your censure I would willing know . For if you doe the Action blame . They readie are with pardon drawne And each of them heere hoping stands That you will signe it with your hands . FINIS
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aswaggering a swaggering captaine . Ins●a●court Maister Exhibition , The Ins-a-court man . ▪ beloued , respected , and iudiciall friend . Maister Robert Hayman . ▪ Readers , that should be like haile shot , that scatters and strikes a multitude , b●t you please to bee Godfather , I doubt not but this childe shal be wel maintained , seeing rea●on about the seate of Maiestie ? what is the reason thou hast left this earthly Paradice , to youl'● see you , and doubt not , but ere long , you'le come & see where my poore house doth stand Ye● Yet more Courtiers , more Gallants , more Gentlemen mer●ie Cuckold , that will do braue yfaith , God a mercie braine . h●m disturbe vs all , this diuill hath long vext him , and hee as long vext me , & were I not hi● much forget your manners , and wronges my his birth , to make me the only cankerd , and rain●s opinion , whose weake desires cannot break her raines : for my part , ile make you know my will sa●id strikers eyes : I am a sham'd that I haue sa'id thus much , yet I may lawfully speake , Owages O wages , wages , O honest wages ! what other notthy strangers ? abus'd thy nuptial vowe ? hath not thy vnsatiate womb , brought forth the bastardie anot fitted my wiues body , how sa'y wife , has a not ? ▪ haue forsook my bed , abhorred my presence , and like a man past grace and shame , strout a● because the Wench was poore , her Father an honest man , and her Mother a painful woman A lone A lone ! faith no . vn●atiate more dangerous then a Snakes , my lust more vnsatiate then was Messalinas : Yet this from Iealiousie Messal●nas Snakes , my lust more vnsatiate then was Messalinas : Yet this from Iealiousie doth alwaies ●ained forgiuenesse let mee aske , and pardon for my fained Iealousie , and take but thus much of my La●ie thing , and yet no miracle , it must make a Ladie loue her friend better then her owne husband ▪ O sir , next to you self , none so much as your ● O the the verie name of good Wages , wil make quenchit more inflambe ? then spend your teares to quench it , for my chaste blouds honour shall neuer ▪ Actteons houndes haue almoste slaine my selfe , yet now my constancie shall proue a glasse husband● affection , as a young wife doth an olde husbande wringing her lippes , and making a mouth h●rson and lets goe , but ile so swindge my Lord a horson son otter , ile teach him fish in other W●. Wa. her Maphrodit mistris Correction the Midwife is turn'd hermaphrodit . Mid ●ife the other to bring foorth , so hath your Midwife too meanes , the one to bring you to beget C●r. Mist. Cor. ●e other manner of Guestes come to my house then he : I haue Pentioners , and Gentlemen Vshers Innesa with veluet ; I entertaine no Muttō eating Innes a court men , no halfe linde cloake Citizens swe●res Mistris Punckit dooth so iest with him , she sweares to him as she hopes to be saued , and I Lor● Lor gallantifaith O sir , O sir , I perceiue you are no gallant ifaith , it would goe deepe my friend , Nue● Nue. pr●●tie Maister Nuecome , mee thinkes you haue a prettie lace on your band showe● prettie slight court lace , all showe , all showe▪ ▪ ▪ slight court lace , all showe , all showe . mock●begger this , a shirt that ye weare ? else tis a mocke-begger with strips . N●ue. Nue. ●ouse She findes a louse . ●place heate of the Ladies affection makes her take a place of standing , either against the hanginges 〈◊〉 Kni : spi●rits loues of the learned ? doe not all noble spirits followe the Graces because they are women Miner●● not the Princes and foundres of good artes Minerua , borne of the braine of highest Ioue , mu●●tian So , like a Lute , and you like a skilfull musitian haue bin fingring it . H●mē Well I praise Hymē , and I adore my stars , she hath no acquaintance yetcomeye of Egipt light vppon you all , Lice deuour ye ye come : hether sirra , what's the cause Ivannish I vannish sir . Kn● Kn : btim very vessel of chastitie , fild to the very brim with Hymen zeale & nuptial duetie : how wi● but when comes your Lord ? is he at hand , wil a come ? h●use mee now , and watch another dore vnto my house , and giue me notice when a comes , while whe● another dore vnto my house , and giue me notice when a comes , while I watch this . Exeu●t Exeunt Wife and Lord . wi●te loues effectes , and therefore since your witte hath safely plotted my arriuall heere ; 〈◊〉 Kni . Mis●ris to euer-flow and drowne the honour of your Mistris ? O my Lord no , your iudgement much deceiues all-light● be blinded with a tricke , yet the cleare all-light giuers eyes doe see : therefore good my come● , are ye going , what will not your Lord come▪ ▪ ▪ are ye going , what will not your Lord come ? se●t No , tis not now I sent , by this hand tis he , tis he , what should 〈◊〉 Well sir, ile take my leaue of you , till your occasion asmocke saild to Cuckolds hauen yet my saile was but a smocke , which shee her selfe hoist vp alas ●hy to day , it may be some of yours to morrowe why tis but matrimoniall chance , wee that are olderesolution Come heather Wages , my olde resolution is come on me againe , and it O O! ! ●he's an excellent fellow , he takes away ●he's O ! he's an excellent fellow , he takes away the Gentlema●●ike Why should ye ? why ye cannot keepe more Gentlemanlike company : besides , your puncke : is like Soldi●r Enter young Nonsuch like a begging Soldier . see● acquainted with better fortunes then I now see: : time hath beene I haue borne armes , but Lu●gations the goodwins of famine , I am none of these Ludgations that beg for fourescore and ten poore men gro●e the entrance of Sluce , and was hurt in the groine entring the breche . bestow● for't too : wherefore I beseech you sir , bestowe something on me , for the knowledge you counterf●ite Go to sirra , I feare ye are a counterfeite Rogue . sir● How Rogue sir▪ ▪ though none of fortunes fauourites , nor ▪ How Rogue sir ? though none of fortunes fauourites , nor a●grie Nay be not angrie good friend for yfaith I loue a Souldier yf●ith Nay be not angrie good friend for yfaith I loue a Souldier with all my heart , for Co●ssen with all my heart , for indeede I haue a Coussen is one , would giue thee something , but Sould●●r black Captaine bestowe something of a poore Souldier , that hath serued his Prince both by Sea off●te penny of your liberalitie , whē the wheele of fate , turnes , if the bitter frostes of turn●s your liberalitie , whē the wheele of fate , turnes , if the bitter frostes of pouertie doe ●he liberalitie , whē the wheele of fate , turnes , if the bitter frostes of pouertie doe not in the bit●er whē the wheele of fate , turnes , if the bitter frostes of pouertie doe not in the meane pouer●e fate , turnes , if the bitter frostes of pouertie doe not in the meane time nip my fortunes ●oe turnes , if the bitter frostes of pouertie doe not in the meane time nip my fortunes in curres● blossoms , I doubt not but to reciprocrate your curtesie . d●ell what an excellent fellow this would make to dwell in the exchange , how the Rogue prates ? ●ow this would make to dwell in the exchange , how the Rogue prates ? R●gue would make to dwell in the exchange , how the Rogue prates ? 〈◊〉 VVhat art a Soldier ? Sol●ier VVhat 〈◊〉 a Soldier ? ye●es I haue bin one some few yeres . Gen●leman Why then thou art a Gentleman by profession , and tis a 〈◊〉 Gentleman 〈◊〉 art a Gentleman by profession , and tis a shame Gentleman to beg . Ge●tleman So I thinke , for I haue Gentleman like qualities enough : for I had rather qualiti●s So I thinke , for I haue Gentleman like qualities enough : for I had rather drinke drunke 〈◊〉 No sir my maister do●h 〈…〉 to giue Gentlemen money , for feare do●h No sir my 〈◊〉 doth 〈…〉 to giue Gentlemen money , for feare 〈…〉 No sir my 〈◊〉 do●h not vse to giue Gentlemen money , for feare of 〈◊〉 Gentlem●n No sir my 〈◊〉 do●h 〈…〉 to giue Gentlemen money , for feare of 〈◊〉 them . 〈◊〉 〈…〉 to giue Gentlemen money , for feare of disgracing them . Must●rd-Pot O , I crye you mercie good Maister Mustard-Pot . Lo●. Lo. K●. Kni:. L●. Lor. ● No not a penny . th●n Come then sir , will ye walke a turne or too ? th●e 〈◊〉 with thee , why , art not lousie ? L●●. Lor. ha●e I neede not , I haue change enough , for I haue two paire of 〈◊〉 haue change enough , for I haue two paire of shooes We● Wert neuer in better fashion ? ●ath I a hath bin some Noblemans Footeman sure . Correction O Mistris Correction! ! how doe you ? ●how O Mistris Correction ! how doe you ? ▪ glad to see your worshippe in good health , and how doth your good Worship : Lord you sawfie What now you sawsie Companion you , what ayle you trowe ? Co●. Mist. Cor. Sl●. Sla. ▪ and when he is vp , as I am a liuing woman , I can make him doe nothing for my life . ▪ Beleeue it but he is a good Scholler though , O hee hath a passing head of his owne . ●e Hath he , I he hath indeed , if he knew al , & I can tel ye he may thank me 〈◊〉 me for't too , for he went to schoole to tme in my first husbāds time yethe's , & I may tell you though I am no Lady , yet he's cald sir Iohn euery word , & for all life● ? ile keep ye like a mā al daies of your life: : besides , if the stones of the street Ma●if Wel , aske my Ma. if he be willing , yee shall finde me forward ye● Wel , aske my Ma. if he be willing , yee shall finde me forward Whatist What ist Mi. Cor. for you are verye like to Cor● What ist Mi. Cor. for you are verye like to speede ? 〈◊〉 M.C. goethy Well , goe thy waies , I warrant thee a sound peece ke●pe againe as soone as thou can'st : if thou keepe her long , if she proue not like a commodity s●ink proue not like a commodity of wood , and stink in thy hāds then hang me . 〈◊〉 Exeunt 3 . one doore , and the Baud at the other . litt●● burnt into the Socket , which lightens a little before it goes out . boy● such a running wit , tis like an Yrish foote boy. . I feare twill rob thee of all thy 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 foote boy . I feare twill rob thee of all thy friendes and then runne from thee and leaue thee maiden-dead My maiden-head ! faith I . faith●● My maiden-head ! faith I . womb● , for who dooth not knowe that the barren wombe is curst ? and al know virgins haue no children ●he children : besides , Women shall bee saued by the bearing of Children , how think'st thou comp●●y he was , but he had no leysure to keep me company a workie daies for crying what doe you lacke th●ee : he had neuer a hayre on his beard this three or foure 〈◊〉 , but might a bin an vtter 〈◊〉 a hayre on his beard this three or foure yeare , but might a bin an vtter barrester , for w●ll Well Nan well , thou art happy , thou wer't borne vnder ●ine scorne : I could finde in my heart to pray nine times to the Moone , and fost three Saint waking Not waking! yea & a 〈◊〉 too , for heere I vow euen by 〈◊〉 Not waking yea & a bed too , for heere I vow euen by the chastest nur●'d euen by the chastest thoughts that ere was nurs'd within Dianaes brest and by those purple ● Nay I then I see you are deceu'd , why woman , they haue th●n twentie in one Mercers bookes in Cheape side : then iudge thou how many are in al their bookes fore●athers I warrant you to after ages , what their forefathers haue beene . it thought be honoarable amongst al men , yet is begg●●lie with a great many : but come shal's begg●●lie thought be honoarable amongst al men , yet it beggarlie with a great many : but come shal's goe 〈◊〉 Tis true indeed , a little bit would fill my bellie . ▪ where should I fix my loue to haue reward ? low linesse all grosse Iniury , with silence too , and lowlinesse of spirit , And then forsooth a boa●e Presumptuous slaue whose flesh vpon thy boane , Thy Maister iust , may challenge as his boun●ie beggerie , Now being thaw'd by thy masters bountie . Wouldst sting the bosom that did reuiue Sl●●. Slae. h●r fortune denide thee wealth : all ill vppon her : but thou hast courage to defend her honour ●nckold She would neuer cuckold me , but that she hath some reason for't Gen●lemen your old iudges widdowes alwaies marry young Gentlemen , but to show that they loue execution better K●●. Kni. ga●a because she would haue it well done : she gat a better workemā to doe it for you . For wh●n the case more profoundly : but in the end when all is done , leaues it to bee tryed by p●a'y And I pra'y which sinne doe you moste hate ? lea●cherie Nay , then leatcherie scornes to be bebolding too , for I haue de haue no reason to be angrie , much lesse to be deuorced , although shee doe transgresse mak● ? therefore if you follow my counsaile , make her amends with kindenesse , and put not he● would haue you beare a noble minde , put her away and you list , tis no matter for cause e●ough with the Groome of your stable , tis dealing enough to bee diuorced , Therefore put her away ▪ none will loue you , moste will hate you , but all will scorne you , therefore by my K●i. Kni. Kn●. Kni. ●lse Why you , who should it be like else ? wi●h haue made iust weight , & haue had a pot with a false bottom , rather then a solde too meas●re measure , hee would haue done al things within measure as your olde Citizen did , and not a spend h●r other , but put her away , rid your handes of her , and there's an end . di●orce marke not me , but ile instantly sue out a diuorce , hap what hap shall , but ill's his hap ●and worke , hee is sure to haue his money in his hand . ab●oad But I pray thee what's the newes abroad now ? car●ed me , for my Maister sweares a will haue me carted , because a thinkes I haue layen with my behauio●r Because I hope to haue some good behauiour of my wife , for the peace I neuer looke l●ce to it , but your Countrie Atturneyes like lice neuer leaue wrighting and wrangling till neue● , but your Countrie Atturneyes like lice neuer leaue wrighting and wrangling till they Courtthen What saist thou by a suite at court then ? erehe one suite when hee comes there , hath two ere he come away , for if hee sue by Petition mo●eye not at all , vnlesse his suite bee to haue moneye for his suite , and so hee makes his sute tempe burst with indignation , then should his temper procreate my blisse , and I 〈◊〉 that Saint pr●create with indignation , then should his temper procreate my blisse , and I 〈◊〉 that Saint incarnat 〈◊〉 should his temper procreate my blisse , and I inioy that Saint incarnat : but what shall I doe 〈◊〉 Lor: : d●e Iourney vnto death were to bee tane , for I doe cast no doubts , hauing lost all comfort ●●ife into the earth , as into a Bag be cast-Mans life is like vnto a ship that crost by tempests ●oste strikes him downe , Thus man as on a sea is toste , in fairest weather feares a storme , and infa●est him downe , Thus man as on a sea is toste , in fairest weather feares a storme , and in sto●me sea is toste , in fairest weather feares a storme , and in a storme the euent , but in the come● Masse heere he comes , lets stand close . offices● would thou wouldst but doe some charitable offices. . fal●e But youle prooue false , and breake that friendshippe ? wil● hope to be reconcil'd , therefore tell me , wilt thou doo't ? ●hat maister , the world shal not say but ile do what I can , ile perswade what I may , ye shal O● O, ile hide me here , and so I shall heare ●ouse The Fox is caught , his head is in the nouse . VVag●s VVages : aiest Marry there were a iest indeed , being as he is now , a Woman finde● more on't , ile tell thee what , I could finde in my heart to speake for him my selfe , Wag▪ Wag. conf●sse friendes with mee good wife , for here I doe confesse . letsin Then , come sweete wife , lets in , And Wages , thy paines deserues to omne● Exeunt omnes . E●ter Enter Nuecome singing with a Glasse in his hand vp●pon haue ten Constables and their Watches come vppon him with their billes : why good wordes ▪ My day ? Gods light , my day ? why what dooth a take ● day ▪ Gods light , my day ? why what dooth a take me for , I thinke ? e●e Cittizen , but ile make him knowe my strength , ere I leaue him , hee shall finde a second Sampson thee● plucke , but take heede of my ruffe I pray thee▪ ▪ this doublet is too little , a pox in ▪ , but take heede of my ruffe I pray thee : this doublet is too little , a pox in him b●come Because your long heele sir doth alwaies best become your great Calfe . doubl●ton you in that suite , you haue a verrie faire doubleton , the Gods giue you ioy sir : There is neuer ●istris By yeur leaue sir , my mistris , mistris Peg sent to see how your worship L●d. Lrd. ●ir troubled with this Asse now , doe you heare sir , if my husband should come and finde you do'● defend thine honour , this Martial blade shall do't : life it shall yfaith . pri●s haue , hold , manure & occupie in statu quo prius , that is in the state before & I do not th●rd case that proues this in quinto of Rich the third : a patrō was seisd of an aduowsiō in ▪ premises , or any part or parcell thereof , that then it should be lawful for the patron ▪ against him , & whatsoeuer question he ask you , make him no answere , but onely say , ye Cap▪ Cap. ●est none , he hath none , by this hand I did but iest . ▪ Why will ye not beleeue me ? yfaith he hath not . Kn●. Kni. ●apier haue slaine you sir , for he had a very long rapier . ●ere he had the better weapon , or else I would nere a stood so against him . w●ld , beleue me , I thank ye for this : for I wold not for the wealth of all this towne he Kn●●La●Cap Exeunt . Knt La Cap ma●uell dreaming hanging downe your head , that tis no maruell your wife makes you a Cuckold : for the ▪ head , why when the head goes downe thus , the heeles must needes mount vp . di●orced neuer more heare of rcconcilement , but bee diuorced immediately . 〈◊〉 Streight put her away , why you may haue wiues enough . K●. Kn. wi●es O wiues too 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 O wiues too much. 〈…〉 There's your wiues Kinswoman Mistris rich, vertuous Peg , shee is faire , modest , honest , 〈…〉 〈…〉 Peg , shee is faire , modest , honest , chaste, wise, sober, discreete and honorable . 〈◊〉 Slight I thinke the man be madde , but will yee not haue her sir ? braine● goe , and you shall bee diuorc'd or else my braine shall swet : for what your folly looseth swe● shall bee diuorc'd or else my braine shall swet : for what your folly looseth , my wit shall 〈◊〉 Christian ! I , why doost thinke I would marry a Iew? ? 〈◊〉 I doe not like that so well sir , because it is the fashion p●aise Beyond praise . ●i● thee her cousens presupposed wronges , tell hir , I well could haue bene hood-winck'd to mschan●ce Wenches close my proiectes carie , spite of mischance you shall your owne wife marry . conce●e : and now I thinke on't , I haue a pretie conceite of mine owne , I will tell her that the Na● Enter Lady , Nan , and Peg. Na● Nan. . Ser●ant thinke vpon the sawsie importunitie of my Seruant Slacke : he is like a badge on a coate , sleeu● badge on a coate , he is neuer off , off my sleeue , and yet I shun him like the pest . ●●uorced Why diuorced , why ? ha , speake . N● Na, , N●n Nan. . conf●sse thus he begins : Deare mistris Peg I must confesse . W●. Wa. N● Na, , 〈◊〉 ho , but I meane he doth confesse shee's faire ▪ ▪ , but I meane he doth confesse shee's 〈◊〉 . ●act man , and one witnesse can neuer proue her fact , but prethee on with thy speech . ●an Nan : a● peart thou art , why looke woman , your loue as mad woes mee , and to me sent this ring cha●e esteeme , spite of refusall left with mee this chaine . ●oole contemne my loue , and take my Iewell : what a foole was I to send her a token till I had some ●iue fooles doe but deceiue themselues , for we doe live as Marchants venter , for a treble ; again ●●eble for we doe live as Marchants venter , for a treble ; again we send them tokens only to get ●okens venter , for a treble ; again we send them tokens only to get thē and their portions . But haun● Why doost thou haunt me like a Ghost , thou femall inner : thou Ieho●ahs separation blowne into the peoples eares , euen by Iehouahs chosen Trumpetter ? First , thou didst breake feeb●e O faintie teares , and feeble handes , for euer may you close , and neuer ●or O faintie teares , and feeble handes , for euer may you close , and neuer part till tea●es let this same braine of mine dissolue to teares , and droppe it selfe euen drop by drop w●●●ched Sea of woes , that therein I may drowne my wretched life . O●b's woe mee ? I am like a starre to thee ; my Orb's aboue thee . ●retting Auoyde thou vnresistable Torteror , more fretting to my thoughts then Cankars are to Mettalls ha●red Mettalls . How often haue I tolde thee of my hatred ? For of this bee thou sure and still remembred 〈◊〉 or neuer make thy blinde Sonne see ; and wound his heart , whose hate hath wounded mee ●ike Nay , I thought he would wooe me dreaming like a Welshman . ●are sounds , as when thy voyce doth pierce the eare . ●●e say , who shall knowe vs , when our Faces are not seene ? Ma●st. Maist. C. assu●e Very prettie , and well taught , ile assure you sir . 〈◊〉 for I haue some priuate busines with you of great importance . ●hall Nay then sir you shall preuaile indeed : you shall , yet I remember Scici●iae , Scyciliae crudelissimus , crudelissimus Sciciliae Tyrannus ille Dyonisius : sayes to one of M●. Mi. C. M●. Mi. C. the● this thy Petticoate is a great deale richer then thy Gowne . mar●yed euerie Coblers interpretation , but now being marryed in the euening , presentely bed time followes ●alas 'alas woman , those that are past childe bearing st●etches Nay , but my longing yet me thinkes stretches a great deale longer , for I long to be concupis●ent might haue a new Husband : yet not for any concupiscent desires , that I haue in the world . troubl●d because thou maiest sleep quiet & not be troubled a nights . mar●●e By this light I had as liue marrie a Saint Dauis Leeke , no , no , take this ●o lookes one way , and the mother another , to see if any body come the whilst , how can ● all againe in baudie houses , No and euer I marry againe , ile marrie an Irish Marchant O ● Exeunt Om . ma●ke new marryed couples are heather come in a maske , newlle from the church , their feete not correciion Enter Maister correction , Cupide and the maskers dauncing Cupid● Enter Maister correciion , Cupide and the maskers dauncing ●he Enter Maister correciion , Cupide and the maskers dauncing da●●cing Maister correciion , Cupide and the maskers dauncing 〈◊〉 , my griefe you see , like leaues sticke fast vppon this tree . but come neighbour come N●. Na. ●●s Well , giue me your hand then , since tis my fate , What marriage 〈◊〉 , ile neuer 〈◊〉 then , since tis my fate , What marriage ioines , ile neuer separate . 〈…〉 double made , and twice hath holy Hymens fingers tide the knot. ●ir Faith sir no , why is he not my husband ? did not con●idering tis for my parson to haue foure benefices , considering I vse them as he dooth his benefices , for str●ct BVt Gentlemen , whose iudgements sit in strict commission on the wit : Which from the Authors pen● censure him , He redie is with brains and pen, , Another time to pleasure you , If not