Essayes and characters, ironicall, and instructiue The second impression. With a new satyre in defence of common law and lawyers: mixt with reproofe against their common enemy. With many new characters, & diuers other things added; & euery thing ammended. By Iohn Stephens the yonger, of Lincolnes Inne, Gent.

ESSAYES and CHARACTERS . IRONICALL , AND INSTRVCTIVE .

The second impression .

With a new Satyre in defence of Common Law and Lawyers : Mixt with reproofe against their common Enemy .

With many new Characters , & diuers other things added ; & euery thing amended .

Expedit castigare , maledicere non licet neque iuuat : affert enim maledictum vel malidicenti paenitentiam vel vituperationem : Iul: Scalig : de Subt●…l ▪

By IOHN STEPHENS the yonger , of Lincolnes Inne , Gent.

LONDON ,

Printed by E : Allde for Phillip Knight , and are to be solde at his shop in Chancery lane ouer against the Rowles . 1615.

To the worthy and worshipfull my honored friend , Thomas Turnor Esquire &c. SIR ,

YOV did accept the former impression ; which , as my second thoughts haue taught me , was a most idle creature ; a thing only to be respected in your dispensation . Diligence and better knowledge , haue made it a much better volumne : you may peruse it therefore againe I must assure you , without losse of time . If you repent a second reading , let me not be reputed what I am

Your truly louing I. S.

To the Reader .

THou art I presume wise enough ( whatsoeuer thou art ) not to beleeue me , if I should largely seeme to praise my selfe ; or to reuile iny poore detractor , who is like the stoeworme , venomous , but blinde : continue thy iust vnbeleefe , for dealers in this kinde , be readie to out-braue and couzen thee . Nor hast thou reason to allow me more credit then thoso wordlings : for I confesse & am not sorry , thou and I are yet scarce 〈◊〉 : Trust me not therefore further then thou maist discreetly ; and then perhaps thou wil●… acknowledge , that if ( before ) this worke was reasonable , it may be now thought vnamendable : howsoeuer if any thinkes I needed helpe to meditate such a trifling labor , I thanke him for his enuious good opinion : for I can not wish to be more well commended .

To the namelesse Rayler : who hath lenghthened his Excellent Actor , a most needy Caracter following the wife with a peece of * * Ingenium nempe quòd olet can●…os mores , et constat de pelle sine corpore . I meane a wit which smells of the Curr , and hath no body but a skin . dog-skin witt ; dressed ouer with oyle of sweaty Post-horse .

VNusquisque turpis & inscius & ventosus , maleuolae ac rudi suae calumniae fretus , alieni nominis ruina , gradum sibi facit ad suam gloriam .

Sed , — Ille per extentum funem mihi posse videtur Ire Poeta , meum quipectus inaniter angit Irritat , mulcet , falsis terrroribus implet

Vt magus : —

You haue ( I know not vpon what acquaintance ) beene bolde with me ; and if I said impudent , your tearme of imitating would excuse me : pre ▪ thee if thou be'st honest , or a Scholler , be modest likewise and accuse thy selfe : I would be loath to blame thee and loose my labor , vnlesse I knowe thy nature ; which would perhaps neither thanke me nor amend . Nor did I ( as one affected vnto sa●…cie rayling ) admit a friends Saytre , but to informe the world that one mans credit should be more esteemed , then the most generally and worthyly contemned baser sort of Players : and let discretion teach thee , that all the writers of this age , must * * I doe not meane the vitious imitation that prouokes Horace to this reprehension . Quod si pallerem casu biberent exangue cuminum , O ●…mitatores ser vum pecu●… , vt m●…hi sape Bilem , sape i●… cum vestri mouere tumultus . lib. 1 Epist. 19. imitate ; though some endeauour it , sonse doe it without a meaning : the last , was mine if any ; hut hetherto I know not any . My comfort is ; I cannot walke into the Citty , without being rubbed by some uncleanely person ; much lesse then can my booke trauaile in the worlds compasse , and not be troden vpon by such a rude boistrous Knaue as thou : but as , being rubbed I would not willingly rubbe againe ; so was I not willing that my bo●…ke should resist thee ; but rise againe , and scorne thee : for all thy attributes sauour of madnes and of venome . And for their sakes , I giue the Poets laughters to thy stumbling and most wit-lesse language .

dij te Damasippe deaeque Ob maledictum mox donent tonsore ; sed vnde Tam bene ne nosti ? postquam omnis restua , ludos Ad medios fracta est , aliena negotia curas Excussus proprijs . Hor: Saty : 3. lib. 2.

Marti : lib: 5. Epig: 61. Ad Detractorem . ALlatres licet vsque nos & vsque , Et gannitibus improbis laceflas : Certum est hanc tibi p●…negare sama●… , Olim quam petis in meis libellis , Qualiscunque legaris vt per orbem . Nam tecur aliquis sciat fuis●…e ? Ignotus pereas miser necesse est . Non de●…runt tamen hac in vrbe forsan Vnus , velduo , tresue , quatuor ve , Pellem rodere qui velint cani●…am : Nos hac a scab●…e teneamus vngues .

To the same Detractor . You may barke lowd against vs & prouoke , Vs , with il-fauourd snarlings till you choke : Yet questionles the world will dare d●…ny , The fame you couet in our Poetry : Yes though your libels be dispered abroad : For why should any know that such a Toad , Hath had a being ? thy detested graue , Will take thee vnknowne , & a p●…teous k●…aue . Yet will this Citty l●…nd the willing power Of one , of two , of three , perhaps of ●…ower ▪ Who will not faile thy currish hide to 〈◊〉 , Though I doe thee a mangy●… s●…aue forbea●…e .

In eundem . Quaenam te mala mens miselle Rauide Agit praecipitem in meas nugas ? Quia deus tibi n●…n bene aduocatus , Vecordem parat exitare rixam ? An vt pervenias in ora vulgi ? Quid vis ? qualibet esse noius optas ? Eris : quandoquidem oratio tua est Plena veneni et pestilentiae . Catullus .

THus much may perswade thie ( Reader ) that detractors , nay , Detractors in the like kinde of impudence , haue among the best Auncients beene a common fortune : and therefore they be not indeed worth a minutes anguish .

I. S.

A Friends Inuitation : no Flatterers Encomion . WHen many are inuited to a Feast , Though the inuiter doth not know his guest , And therefore cannot well prouide in hast , One dish so curious , as may please each tast : Yet if this Host hath such a carefull minde , As that he will , for each mans stomacke , finde A seu'rall meat ; and so prouide with care , Good hous-roome , harty welcome , & good fare . Shall we condemne his liberall act and loue , If thank-lesse Inuitants the same disproue ? Some ( peraduenture ) doth one dish there see , Which with his nature doth not well agree : Some other may perchance dislike the feast , Because it is not all what he likes best . And so with diuers censures they doe take , Due praise from him who did the banquet make : Which may discourage him that doth intend , Such carefull cost another time to spend . Yet ( worthy Author ) let not this dismay Thee , to goe forward in that vertuous way Thou hast propounded ; nor let that be lost Which is so rare . Thou art a noble Host , And cause thou knowest not the mindes of those , That shall receiue thy feast , thou dost dispose Of things so fitly , that all here may finde , Diuers prouisions for each Readers minde . What if perchance some surfet at thy feast , Because they cannot easily digest Some vicious quallity , which raignes so rife In vicious minds ( made known by their lewd life ) So rife ; as you the danger haue exprest , That knowing it , they might the vice detest ? Pitty their weaknes then , seeing thou dost tell , Nothing to poyson humor , but expell . What if some others will thy feast abuse , Because it is of seu'rall kindes ? refuse The Founders dignitie , because t is knowne Mens tastes and palates onely be their owne ? Thou mad'st it not for onely one mans sake , But all the worlds , if all of it partake . Take resolution therefore to thy minde ; Adde winges vnto thy fainting courage ; binde All thy due strength together ; to prouide So rare a Banquet ; which may long abide To all mens profit , and the founders praise . He therefore doth inuite the guests that sayes This is a Noble Feast ; and wisheth this , That he , which of this feast doth iudge amisse May ( if he wants what is in this combin'd ) Seeke to atchieue the same , but neuer finde . ANTHO . CRO●…YES . of Grayes Inne Gent.

To the nameles Author of a late Character entituled , an Excellent Actor , following the Wise.

Your bolt so soone shott against my freind this Author ▪ is now returned into your scandalous throate ; beaten backe from one too strongly fortifide , for such cholerick distraction to preuaile with : he knowing therefore the manifest disgrace , that might be noted , if he should swagger in the darke with one whom neither he or any man ( as he thinkes ) euer knew ; hath onely lighted a double torch ( fearing least one , were hardly light enough ) to finde the Person of such an obscure vagrant : nor must you further looke that he will grace you with incounter , for ( vpon my knowledge ) he was contented to reward you with the Poets Maxime —

Istic est thesaurus stultis in lingua sit us Plautus in Poenul . Vt quaestui habeant male loqui melioribus .

THis haue you confirmed in your vnlickt Character , which like the Rats on the banks of Nilus , hath only a forepart , and that deformed ; the taile and hinder-parts be 〈◊〉 mu●…de : Wherein hoping to mend your credit by anothers losse , you haue presented to the sight of euery honest Reader your own ignorance , and malicious folly : These two , your onely darlings , like common prostitutes , haue sett vp a Vaulting-schoole in your decayed scull ; and hanged their bills vp to drawe customers : But as they both haue beene the deadly foes to learning , so are they the most beloued minions to petty Pamphleters : witnes your ignorant mistaking of approued and authorised Actors for counterfeit Runagates , or country Players , inueighed against by the Characterist : as also your derogating from his industruous Labour , applauded by the best iudgements .

In regard whereof , take this which followes ,

Iras●…i nostro non debes ▪ Cerdo libello Mart. lib 3 E●…i . 94 Ars tua , non vita est carmine laesa m●…o . WAs it or Enuy , or the hope of coyne , Or did thy Sister Furies thee enioyne With thine infectious breath to dimme the hue Of this vnspotted Mirror , whose bright view Dazells thy feeble eyes ? or is thy sight ( Fittest to looke on dunghills ) by true light so much obscured that thou canst not see The Sunne at noon-time shine ; vnlesse there be Thy cloudy spirits interpos'd ; and so It proues vnfaire whilst thou vnfit to know ? Canst thou forswear 't , and thinke thy booke shall help ? Or that thy Character ( the purblind whelp Of a leane bitch ) can licke away these markes From thee and thy maintaining fellow sharkes ? Noe , noe : who lookes , if not ( as thou art ) blind , Vpon thy excellent Actor , may there finde , In ragged cloathes thy pouerty of purse , Of minde and credit thy deserued curse : And sweare most credibly that all was penn'd Them to protect from shame , who thee defend From want : Alas , we know need can excuse The trade of begging , hangmen , or the stewes , And why not common Players ? not those men Whose soules did keepe in R●…scius , and then Left Rome to visit vs ; beleeuing here Men should and doe excell his action farre : These wee account as much as you ; who try With a Rauens voice , to'approue their melody , And mar their happy fame , which few controule . wherfore then do you bark ? could not your foule Vntutord muse dwell in the suburbs still ( Your witts best subiect ) or your buzzard quill Stoope at your wonted carrion game ; but flye To pitch aboue an Eagles aery ? Detract you cannot ; for thinges Simply good , Loose not their natures , though they be withstood By deep or baser wits : nay all should say , Thinges must be excellent because that they Tasted and did distaste : we know the Kite Affecteth stench , and Owles abhor the light : Deep witts ( through enuy ) others fame disproue : Base witts by kinde doe base thinges onely loue . I 'le then not wonder that the Players friend , I meane this hierling can boldly spend His soggy breath to blow away the curse Of Statute law : alas a wicked purse Puts strength into his lungs . I thinke him blind , Who cannot see the Kings high-way , nor finde One sparke of reason that may make him iudge , Betwixt rare beauties and a kitchin-drudge : And yet hee 's blameles : they he not contrould That praise cheape counters and reiect fine gold But rather laught at : Fooles and children may Before best maskes pre●…erre a Puppet play . I must be plaine and will : it is no sinne To turne againe when others doe beginne . W●…r't thou an Eagle , yet the harmelesse Swan Dares to incounter thee who first began To meddle and prouoke : let enuy burst , We can defend our selfe , offend none first . Wilt thou then know thy selfe ? for surely yet The little soule thou hast doth poorely sit In her halfe ruin'd cell ; and through thine eyes False spectacles , she louely trueth espyes In faigned shapes : beleeuing it to be Such as it seemes to her , who cannot see Thinges truely nor her selfe , but proudly blinde Iudges thinges base , by basenes of her minde . You are the cuttle-fish whose inky gall Spewd into purest waters , turnes them all To the same couler , thinking to escape The searchers eyes , or hide your monstrous shape : Such a most busie Daw did seeme to dresse My * * I am heere enforced to claime 3 Characters following the Wife : viz: the T●…nker , the Apparatour , and Almanack-maker , that I may signify the ridiculous and bold dealing of an vnknowne bot●…her : But I neede make no question what he is : for his hackney similitudes discouer him to be the Rayler aboue mentioned whosoeuer that rayler be . Characters ( vnknowne ) with saucinesse . Couldst thou licke Homers vomit ; or else theirs whose heauenly raptures blesse our modern yeres And those to come shall blesse ; your name might liue In Poets happines , and well suruiue The workes of brasse and marble : but I know You cannot be so bless'd : for those that draw Plenty of water from the Ocean store Empty not it ; yet haue themselues the more , which they may cal their own : but they that take From puddles or dull Frog-pits , neuer make Themselues nor others happy : all their toyle Is like the gleaning of a barren soyle ; Both voide of gaine and credit : this apply Vnto your selfe , whose witts best treasury Lyes in Don Quixot , Amadis de Gaule , Huon of Burdeaux , and those other small Slight Pamphleters ; vpon whose bruised winges Thy feeble muse doth ride , and slowly singes Her tuneles dreames : and labours to obtaine , The bawdy treasure of Mimnernus braine : Whose trauaile was in lust-bred plotts ; and so Thou maist excell good Homer , who did know Nothing but that was honest . I might proue This if I knew thy dealing by the loue Thou hast composd ; where men might read thy shame ( Thou being disouered ) in the Deuills name . And what of that sayst thou ? This I inferre , Such as the shadowes such the bodyes are . And sure I thinke ( by thee ) that soules doe passe , From one to another as 〈◊〉 Did teach his times : for who can heare you name Hackney●… so o●…t but thinkes your essence came Out of a stall●…on : or indeed perchaunce , A Hackn●…y was thy ▪ whole inheritance . For you perhaps 〈◊〉 that any Asse , Or stumbling Coach-horse your soules lodging was Yet from those rotten carkasses might spring , Your waspish hornet braines , which buzze and sting To your destruction ; if you aske me why ? When Hornets sting they loose their stings & dy : Which I desire not ; but would haue t●…ee liue To raile at vertuous acts , and so to giue Good vertues lustre : seing enuy still Waites on the best deserts to her owne ill . But , for your selfe learne this , let not you●… 〈◊〉 Strike at the slint againe , which can withstand Your malice without harme , and to your face Returne contempt the brand of your disgrace : Whilst he doth sit vnmou'd , whose constant mind ( Armd against Obloquy ) with that weake winde Cannot be shaken : for himselfe doth marke , That Doggs for custome not for fierenes barke : These any Foot-boy kicks and therefore hee Passing them by with scorne , doth pitty thee : For being of their nature mute at noone Thou da●…st at midnight barke against the moone : Where maist thou euer barke , and no man heare But to returne the like : And mayst thou beare With griefe more slanders then thou canst inuent Or e're did practise yet or canst preuent . Mayst thou be matc●…t with Enuy ▪ and defend Scorne towards that which all besides commend : And may that scorne so worke vpon thy sence That neither suffering nor impudence May teach the cure : or being ouerworne With hope of cure may merrit greater scorne . If , not too late , let all thy labours bee Contemnd by vpright iudgements , and thy fee So hardly earn'd not paid . May thy rude quill Be alwaies mercenary , and write still That which no man will reade ; vnlesse to see Thine ignorance , and then to laugh at thee . And mayst thou liue to feele this , and then grone Because , t is soe , yet cannot helpe : and none May rescue thee , till your checkt conscience cry This this I haue deserued ; then pine and dye . Mart: lib: 10 : Epig: 5. Et cùm fateri furia iusserit verum Prodente clames conscientia , scripsi : I : COCKE .

An Epigram to my friend the Author , of his namelesse Detractor before mentioned . Fastus disdaines thy worke , because not thine , But meerly drawne forth by anothers line : Thou imitat'st he saith : well thou mightstone : For thou canst imitated be by none : Though I dare take thy word , yea'tis well known ther 's nothing heer but thou maist call thine own . For ( like a common theefe ) the sneaking elfe Hath slander●… thee , that he might saue himselfe .

Aliud Epigramma ad Authorem delibro suo epulo assimulato . Why should'st thou striue or study to vpraise A labour , how to work some Welchmens praise ? Those that haue iudgement must commend thy skill : Regard not then though others say'tis ill : If amongst many they dislike thy Feast , A bitt of cheese will helpe them to digest .

Aliud ad eundem de detractore suo anonymo praedicto . For beare my freind to write against that man A sharpe iambick , who hath wrong'd thy name : Thou canst not right thy selfe ; for he hath none : Nor can haue , if he be the peoples Sonne . GEO : GREENE of Lincolns Inne Gentleman .

Three Satyricall Essayes of Cowardlinesse .

ESSAY . I. FEare to resist good vertues common foe , And feare to loose some lucre , which doth By a continued practise ; makes our fate Banish ( with single combates ) all the hate , grow : Which broad abuses challenge of our spleene . For who in Vertues troope was euer seene , who did ( through goodnes ) against passions fight Without the publike name of hipocrite ? Vaine-glorious , Malapert , Precise , Deuout , Be tearmes which threaten those that goe about To stand in opposition of our times With true defiance , or Satyricke rimes . Cowards they be , branded among the worst , Who ( through contempt of Atheisme ) neuer durst Crowd neere a Princes elbow , to suggest Smooth t●…les , with glosse , or Enuy well addrest . These be the noted Cowards of our age , Who be not able to inst●…uct the Stage With matter of new shamelesse impudence : Who cannot almost laugh at innocence ; And purchase high preferment by the wayes , Which had beene horrible in Nero's dayes . They are the shamefull Cowards , who contemne Vices of State , or cannot slatter them : Who can refuse aduantage ; or deny Villanous courses , where they doe ●…spy Some little fortune to inrich their chest : Though they become vncomfortably blest . Wee still account these Cowards , who forbeare ( Being possess'd with a Religious feare ) To slip occasion , when they might erect Hornes of disgrace ; or when they doe neglect The violation of a Virgins bed With promise to requite her Mayden-head . Basely low-minded we esteeme that man , Who cannot swagger well , ( or if he can ) Who doth not with implacable desire , Follow reuenge like a consuming fire . Extortious Rascalls , when they are alone , Be think how closely they haue pick'd each bone ; Nay with a frolicke humour they will brag , How blanck they left their empty Suters bag . Which dealings if they did not giue delight ; Or not refresh their meetings ; in dispight They would accounted be both weake , vnwise , And like a timorous Coward too precise . Your handsom-bodied youth ( whose comly ●…ace May challenge all the store of Natures grace ) If , when a lustfull Lady doth inuite , By some lasciuious trickes his deere delight , If then he doth abhorre such Wanton ioy , Who is not almost ready to destroy , Ciuility with curses , when he heares The tale recited ? blaming much his yeares , Or modest weaknes , and with cheeks full blowne Each man will wish the case had been his owne . Graue holy men , whose habite will imply Nothing but honest zeale , or sanctity , Nay so vprighteous will their Actions seeme , As you their thoughts Religion will esteeme . Yet these All-sacred-men , who daily giue Such ●…owes , would think themselues vnfit to liue If they were Artlesse in the flattering vice , Euen to deuoure a treble Benefice . None ( for her owne sake ) fauours innocence . Charity layes a side her Conscience , And lookes vpon the sraile commodity Of monstrous bargaines with a couetous eye : And now the name of Generosity , Of noble Cariage , or braue Dignity ; Keepe such a common skirmish in our bloud ; As we direct the measure of Thinges good , By that , which reputation of Estate , Glory of rumour , or the present rate Of Sauing 〈◊〉 doth best admit . We doe imploy materials of wit , Knowledge Occasion , Labour , Dignity , Among our spirits of Audacity . Nor in our gain-full proiects do we care For what is p●…ous , but for what we da●…e . Shop-keepers would be thought extreamly dull , Worse then a simple or phantastique gull , If when they meet a nouice or a man Of good experience , they neither can Couzen the buyer with protested loue , Nor with perswading fables him remoue . They would be threatned I thinke in despight , Among their fellow-cheaters ( who delight As much in crafty tearmes as in the ware ) If they should any circumuention spare . They haue a tricke to whisper once or twise And l●…aue their voice when they abate the price , Seeming to tell you they hau●… bargaind so , As they abhor to let the neighbours know ; When stuffe and price doe lesse in worth agree Then place and meritts where sweet minions bee . Let neuer truth protect me if my witts Doe not halfe stagger whilst my fancy sitts Reuoluing their most licenc'd couzenage : They make it the whole practise of their age To sell and to deceiue . The fatherles ( Who had a little stocke and craftines ) Haue by the Deuils meanes aduanc'd their state Quickly and richly in a twelue yeares date : When true Diuines and honest Lawyers may , After more study shut their bookes and play : So much more wealthy is it to perswade Youth in a seruile then a noble trade . Will you bele●…ue me ? They haue secret charmes By which they doe arise to wealth and Armes : As deepe Magicians with a triple sound Raise wind●… Spirits vp aboue the ground , So Citty Tradesmen haue the same deuise To eleuate themselues : stuffe , couller , prise , Be made the triple meanes which briefly can T●…ansforme a Woodcock to an Alderman . But one among the rest ( more wisely bent Then to approue the way which others went ) Insinuates his thrid with silken lace : Both which together gott a Mayors place : Which did reueal●… him then , to be indeede A thridden fellow in a silken weede . Thus doe they prosper , and when worth dispaires Breed a slight fortune for consuming heires : And among secrets which they closely learne , They thinke them best which onely they discern : As if whilst they to hell be going on It were some ioy not to be look'd vpon : Thinking ( as all men thinke ) that few haue been Damned indeed , if they were damnd vnseene Esteeming death , and horror , sermon-toyes ; If they doe softly come without much noyse . Shall vsury be thought a godlesse gaine : Because it helpes men with such little paine . And shall not lazy cheating trades be thought Alike vnlawfull , being often bought With little times expence : they doe discharge All their Professions faculty at large , If they can walke about their wealthy shopps , In sober gownes and very hansome slopps , Now looking on their Wiues , then on the ware , Casting about betimes how to prepare A place of worship for his infant Sonne : Else meditating how they may out-runn Their neighbors fortune ; or beguile the Trust Of them who raisd their fortunes from the dust : How they may bankroupt seeme , perhaps they Or of a merry voyage : or they drinke , And beat their seruants madly : o●… they sleepe : thinke : Or a high valued plentious feast they keepe : Or if they thinke how they may busie bee , They doe reuolue their sin-full booke , and see Where they may best amend the figures weight , And turne a twenty-sixe to twenty-eight . Then tell me some that know , doth common vse A worse or easier gaine then this produce ? I will indeed consent ; vsurious coyne Is not with labour taught , how to purloyne , So much as the deceipt of narrow yards . An Vsurer much busie time discards Which might instruct his knowledge to receiue A much more impious gaine , and more deceiue . He might be busie as our Tra ●…esmen bee , To c●…eate or l●…e : till when I must agree Their the ●…uish busines which they reckon best , Excells the labor of rich interest . But I am largely clamorous , and shall Among the titles of inuectiues fall : For now the times corrupted language giues New names to whatsoeuer is or liues Not suting with our humors and intent : An honest courage we call impudent : And impudence hath lately tooke the name Of thr●…uing wit , which doth obtaine best fame . Good humble men , who haue sincerely layd Saluation for their hope , we call Afraid . But if you will vouchsafe a patient eare , You shall perceiue , men impious haue most feare .

ESSAY . II. MAny aspiring fellowes you may see , Who after they and fortune do●… agree , Come ( by briefe windings ) to be men elect ; Through priuate means , heauen knows how indirect To flourish quickly and aduance their head , As if they tooke possession from the dead : When all the Heralds neuer could deuise , From whence the fathers kindred might arise . Though many call them Nephew , Brothers sonne , ( because a thriftie garment they haue spun ) Who ( else ) with publick shame had bin disgrac'd , And all the titles of their loue de●…ac'd : But now they flourish and with honour swell , Whose poore beginnings euery Groome can tel : As if a newfound Whittingtons rare Cat Come to extoll their birth-rights abou●… that Which nature once intended : 〈◊〉 be men Who thinke not of a 〈◊〉 yeelding Ten: They turne base copp●…r i●…to perfect gold : Counterfeit couzening wares be wisely sold. Men be perswaded well of prosperous fa●…e , Giuing much credite to a crafty pate , But if these cowards durst discouer all , Both how they did their high estates install , How they began to make a league with hell , Or how they did in damned plots excell , Their very liues alone , if they were dead , Would make another work for 〈◊〉 . Alas they dare not ; these be cowards right , For whose abortiue deedes the blackest night , Is neuer blacke enough , nor can 〈◊〉 ; Their shame , which lewd posterities ●…eueale , Fine hansome outsides who so highly stand On the reputed courage of their hand ; Who keepe their Pages with such spacious gard : ( Scorning to play without a coated card ) Who keep a large Retinue , or erect Buildings ; in which they neuer can expect To dwell , with credit of their famish'd stock ; Or to maintaine the vse of one good lock . These notwithstanding to augment their glosse , And tu●…n some braue expences into drosse , Will be the seruile debtors to a slaue , Who hath no remedy , but to depraue Their fortunes with inuectiue impudence , Or make Petitions to desray expence . And yet these mighty V●…starts cannot dare , To pay a single Crosse : Except they spare Thir pompe ; which giues a lustre in the Court , And in the Citty makes aboundant sport . Spend-thrisis , and Gallants likewise ( who haue lands Which beare all Saffron for their yellow bands ) Those which haue onely complement , & whoope In Tauernes ; may attend the former troope . Those that dare challenge any man of Armes , And seeme to beare about them valiant charmes : Belching vnciuill Enuy , in the face Of him that meekely contradicts their grace ; As if they carried vengeance in their iawes , Or executions of the Statute-lawes . Those men if strictly challeng'd , quake with feare Contriuing basely how they may forbeare : And ( leauing then a while their pompous pride ) They best bethinke , how they may closely hide Their contumacious heads with priuiledge : For when the slat-cap tradesinan doth alledge Forfeit of payments ( and because at length His wife , & so the world , doth know his strength ) When he procures a Champion to demand The noble answere of his debtors hand : And dares my valiant Swaggerer to meet , His lawfull challenge in the open street ; He , rather then he will prouoke the strise , Sues by petition to my plaintifes wife : Who if she doth not very much forget , Takes downe the quarrell , and so payes the debt . Another sort of cowards you may see , ( Transcending these in a more base degree ) Who to pre●…erue aduancement , or vphold Their Families , ( without expence of gold ) Will , in promis●…uous manner , congregate Amongst good men , who blockish Papisme hate ; Nay , they will be attentiue in the Church , ( All to avoyd the law , and penall lurch ) They will con-niue at holy arguments , And often beare a 〈◊〉〈◊〉 Parliaments : They will agree to co●…stituted lawes , Which almost 〈◊〉 to their kin●…dome drawes , ( All notwithst●…nding ) they directly ●…are Hope to be sau'd , as 〈◊〉 Papists are ; Expecting on some opportunity , When they may make a traytrous vnity : For all the truth which can excuse their fate , Is , that they finely can equiuocate : A Cowards doctrine , full of shameles feare , Insuses ioy to their misguided ●…are : And yet no equall iustice them controules , Because they haue a Curtaine to their soules . Corrupted Officers , the common cuise Of publike Law , doe stuffe their gaping purse With wrongfull fees , and grow extreamly fat By their delicious trickes , or lying squat Vp to the eares in pleasant Alchymie : If these men durst bewray their infamy , And bring their holyest actions into light , The day would runne to a pr●…digious night . New fees created are , and then the match Must something take to frame a briefe dispatch : Informers be preuented by a feate , Which quallifies indeed their boystrous heate , Although vniustly : Clearkes and other knaues ( Who with their gennerous ruffs the Court out-braues ) Will take a pention , or a quarter fee , To make their friend from information free ; And ( to preuent the mischiefe ) will declare How other bills already doe not spare To certifie the Court a day before Of that , for which the Plaintiff●… doth implore : So false and fained policie doth cracke The crafty meanings that pre-caution lacke : Yet still they gape , and say they cannot saue The many pounds which they so freely gaue To purchase ten times more : for they intend Onely on priuate meanings to depend . That waking sighted Run-away , the Hare , ( Which is preseru'd by a continuall feare ) Cannot ( by this ) protect her innocence , So much as Officers their lewd pretence : The Fox an auncient Hierogliphicke was , In Fryers robes to shew the common passe Of smooth hypocrisie , and Church-mens craft ; But now a formall Gowne may serue to wast This badge among our prowling Officers , Which Name and Habite rightuously inferres As much compacted Villany , as meetes Among the Stewards of rich Countrey Lee●…es : Both Couzen with as great conformity , As if they held some new fraternity : Both be so practysd in good Uertues scorne , As if Atturnies had directly sworne To match the Officer , and powle the ●…leece , As if they both consisted of one peece . They both insinuate their sweating paines , Their common payment : each ( alike ) constraine●… The hunger-bitten Client to disburse , Till they haue le●…t his hopes euen with his purse , Yet will you dare to say those men exact ? No ; that were brainlesse : they so well compact Their polliticke inuentions , that the fault Of asking more then due , creepes to the vault Of Clearks dull ignorance to purchase leaue , When their discouered proiects doe deceiue A Substitute in Courts may rather take All wrested fees , that glosse may thereby make The Steward seeme lesse culpable in vice , When Substitutes are taught by his aduice : And if some one their cousenage doth betray , The Substitute can easily slinke away . My baudy Proctor likewise , who presumes To purge mens purses , for venerall Rhumes ; Who threatens penance in a ghostly sheete , If Clyents ( though they strip f●…om head to feete ) Be slacke in payment of extortious coine : This man who studies first how to purloine , Before he lookes vpon the ciuill Law ; This man , who hath a prompt and ready paw , Who loues no Innes of Court , shutting his cracks And all his rage , vder a nose of wax ; Who , when a fornicator lookes awry , That he the least aduantage may espy , He will officiously attend the Court , Because he smels out the ensuing sport , And when a grieuous sine afflicts the purse Of fleshly sinners , to escape the curse , He and the thrifty Iudge can closely share The foule taxation , which with pious care Is well intended to correct the sinne , Establish bridges which decay within , Releiue sicke persons , or amend high-wayes , Or some Religious Chappell , which decayes . But they haue other vses to respect , To buy their ciuill garments , or affect The wanton lust of some egregious Whoore , To win new credit , to deceiue the poore ; And so deceiue the vnsuspectfull time , For ( else ) they durst not so insatiate clime Into the fiery Region ; neither dares Their habite seeme acquainted with these cares . One thing which makes the brag Ciuilian Account himselfe to be a better man Then any common Lawyer , 〈◊〉 , because The Latine tongue hath dignifi'd there Lawes : And well may Proctors loue the latine tongue ; For ( as of olde it hath been truly sung ) Men measure goodnesse by the pres●…nt gaine : Should Proctors then from louing that refraine ? When to their great content and greater ease They can expound their latine as they please : For ( as a fellow lately did agree Who knowes their dealing ) when you read or see Adpios vs●…s in a Proctors notes , The meaning is to buy wiues petticotes . Now must I summon Parish-hypocrites , Who seeme attentiue to coelestiall rites ; Who thinke the Art of him that well doth liue , Is all perform'd , if he example giue , Which may become the Parish : if he pray Aloude in Chambers , or deuoutly pay The tribute of plaine dealing vnto all Who ( can to their assistance ) Iustice call : If in assemblies he can shew good workes , And call offenders , Infidels or Turkes : He thinkes he hath discharg'd the finall part Of a religious or honest heart : Though he doth closely keepe a vertuous Punke , Or though ( on cautious tearmes ) he can be drunk : Though in another County , and the name Of other Agents h●… can schedules frame ; And thinkes himselfe to be a man well blest , Though he receiues the Sinfull Interest : For this eye-seruing-age is quickly gone To all deceit , if we lacke lookers on . These be most valiant Cowards , men that dare Be boldly impious , and yet basely feare , Least common rumour should obserue or thinke They be not still awake , though still they winke . Some false Physitions lye within the reach Of these , who true sincerity impeach , Their glasses , glisters , oyles , ingredients ( Which hope of lucre oftentimes inuents ) Doe carry all ( as if a Cowards soule Kept in their bosomes ) to the dead mens rowle ; Hiding their fearefull practise in the graues : Leane Death , their operation still out-braues . Sometimes their crabbed Enuy doth inuent , Sometimes they kill with new experiment : For still they erre by custome or by chance , Either by malice , or by ignorance : And hauing spent prescriptions to each dramme : He thinkes alas sure I protected am , If now I see our Physicke does no good , Or seeing I haue suckt his purse and blood , If I can tell his friends there is no hope , Or that he must expect deaths fatall scope : Then shall I be discharg'd with credits fee , And to condemne more liues , remaine still free . They shift their compasse to auoyd our scorne , Hiding their actions from the faire-fac'd morne . But now censorious Critticks doe disgrace Each worke they know not , with a scuruy face : They banish Authors to Barbarian lands , And fling true solid matter from their hands , With a disdainfull Motto of Non sence : Although themselues ( excepting impudence ) Haue nothing to excuse their vanitie : Latinlesse Lawlesse Rogues , they often be , Who hauing past their verdict , will recant : For their maintaining faculty is scant . Or ●…f these Apish Cowards dare defend , The vice of Iudgement , brings them to their end . And yet some writers doe deserue the name Of Cowards likewise : they be growne so tame , With being often handled , often prais'd , As they forget their motion , being rais'd Aboue the highest spheres : they thinke it much , More then indeed enough , to haue beene such As they were once accounted : though they sleepe Follow their ease , and sluggish silence keepe : Nay thogh they wake , & ( which doth poyson them ) Follow those errors which they did condemne . Some worthlesse Poets also , haue the vice To write their labours as they cast the dice : If ( by addenture ) some strange happy chance , Smiles on their borrowed workes of ignorance , They can bewray their theeuish names , and giue Notice to all , how they eterniz'd liue . But if ( presuming on their sickly strength ) They write , and doe betray themselues at length : Then , oh they came into the publicke presse Against their wils ; they dare not then confesse Who wrongs the world with such base Poetry : Nay , their owne eldest sonnes they will deny . All hide their vices . Pr●…nters also hide Errors escap'd , which makes wise men deride Excellent wits , deser●…ing worthy praise , when ( through distinctions lost ) the truth decaies : But among all base writers of this time , I cannot reckon vp more desperate rime , ( Which trauailes with a feare so damnable ) As Libell-lashing measures : they excell Onely in this ; that those be counted best , Which the foole-Author dares aknowledge least . These are contemptible enough , and yet Their lines maske vnder a sictitious wit , When wit ( as hitherto ) was neuer seene Truly ingendred by a triuiall spleene . Nor can they thus reforme what is impure , Seeing men so touch'd , conceiue themselues past cure . wel do these cowards thriue , when hauing blown Shame to the peoples Eares , they loose their own . Briefly , it were a thing preposterous , If rich men , who are nicely couetous , Should not be trembling cowards ; when they thinke Vpon the ioyfull paines of death they stinke . Nothing prouokes me sooner to confesse That Athisme is their chiefest happinesse , Then to consider how the very best Struggle with death , declining to their rest : One plucks away the haires which should reueale His righteous thoughts : another doth conceale The furrowed wrinkles of his tawny skinne : Anorher scoures his stumpes , or doth beginne To breake the glasse with foolish extasie , At the reflexe of Chap-f●…lne grauitie . Can th●…se , with safetie of a quiet minde 〈◊〉 vp themselues with an ambitious winde 〈◊〉〈◊〉 , Rumor , Lucre , and Expence , 〈◊〉〈◊〉 ●…nd good men haue no difference ? 〈◊〉〈◊〉〈◊〉〈◊〉 , I haue some alone , They feed a Hundred bellies , I feed one . Both van●…sh to O●…liuions caue , vnlesse Our very thoughts a liuing soule expresse : W●…ich b●…ing once admitted , no soules can Keepe their worst secrets from the face of Man .

ESSAY . III. NO more , no more : now saith my honest friend Be politicke ; or study to commend The time , and timelings , least you doe bestow More copious tearmes then licence dare allow . Content thy selfe ( Cordatus ) I will blame No reuerend Church-men , neither will I name One lewd professor , who polutes the grace Of such a formall and respected place : I will not name their liuings , nor their liues , Much lesse their bondage to their hansome wiues As if they durst not shew the times disease , Because i●…deed they dare not them displease . I will not wrong their holinesse : and why ? In holinesse true zeale you may descry . Nor will I taxe Church vices , least I wrong The labour which to writing doth belong . For when I haue againe repeated all Their vices publicke , and sinnes personall : I shall but reckon the antiquities , Of Glosse , of Ignorance , and Simonies : And so repeate things mention'd long before , Nay things prefixt vpon each Play-house doore . Let them ( alas ) continue , or increase , O let them long inioy a quiet peace ; For they already know the mischiefes well : They almost scorne such inwards to expell . And why ? they feare taxation : O strange fate ! They who contemne reproofes , are desperate . We cannot hope such persons will amend , Who may ( without controule ) their vice extend . Enough , enough , I haue bethought so much Concerning cowards , that my selfe am such : I dare not speake my meaning vnder paine Of being crost , of being curb'd againe . Why crost ? why curb'd ? go aske authoritie Why it protects peculiar vanitie ? And it perhaps will answere in defence ; Crowes to themselues be perfect Innocence . Or ( which is more familiar ) 〈◊〉 loues That humor best , which bitterly reproues All states , all faculties besides her owne : She fauours that , and feares it should be knowne , Thouhg it be noted ; or with bitter shame , Hath purchasd ( e're you write ) an odious name . Men thinke their fashions and their faces best , If ( in a flattred humour ) they be blest , To heare men discommend both such and such , Not naming theirs ; although they be so much Apparant filthy , as no vulgar eye Would make a question of deformity : And so superior vices doe ptopound A freedome to their scope , as being sound In selfe conceite , if they can saue their skinne From being Printed with a publike sinne ; Though ( setting bookes aside ) they doe professe Enough to poyson all their names no lesse . See how I breath into the spacious Aire , A Theame as spacious : Can my Verse repaire The fruitles errors of men obstinate ; Who cannot freely their owne vices hate ? Who rather gainefull vices doe condemne , Because they cannot purchase gaines by them ? For in their owne offences they reserue Such cautions as may closely them preserue . Well , sir , admit men labour to be wise , And for themselues do secrets exercise , Who shall dare contradict such worthy paines Which fosters credit , and ill tearmes restraines ? Auant base Hipocrite , goe henceforth set Vpon thy pillow , thy close cabinet , And sleepe with all the papers in thy hand , Which thy most secret counsels may command ; Or I with Spaniards better shall agree ; Or I shall trust a Lapwing more then thee . Good men dare alwaies haue their thoughts expressd , And to their spightfull haters be confessd . Although in lawfull proiects , witt doth teach A priuate way , least others should out-reach . But well , suppose men so directly halt As they doe feare to patronize the fault , Shall they not seeke vnpunish'd to remaine , If actions pass'd cannot be cal'd againe ? We daily doe transgresse ; and some perhaps Deserue the plagues of lashing after-clap●… : But then , alas ! what satisfaction can , Written reproofes be for a vicious man ? You make professions vndergoe contempt , And make the least offence so farre exempt From ciuill vertue , and some new concerts , That you enforce good fellowship to straights . So : Haue you done ( deare Motley ? ) yes almost ; But stay a little , and behold vncrost , The reason , why we closely doe amis , And why we couer sinne : the reason is To frustrate your inuentions ; which produce , Nothing halfe-worthy of a well borne Muse ; But triuiall vanities , and time expence , To tell mans weakenes by experience : You might with more applause bestow more pains To grace the Mayors Triumphs , and the chaines Which do attend his Lordship to the Hall : You might the Scottish dignitie miscall : And in some honest , 〈◊〉 , scur●…y rime Disgrace or flatter minions of the time : A rustick , sawcy , morall would be rare : To let the people know you do preferre Fame and your countries witles loue before ; Discretions wealth , and raptures quiet store , You might prouide for Cambridge once againe Scaenes , which might worthy , like it selfe remaine : And not in tearmes , as needy as the truth , Discouer haire-braine fallacies of youth : You might , you might , Seuerus , and detest To scourge close dealers who be safely blest : For I can well resolue ; you are the cause Why men reserue ( in acts ) a priuate clause : You , and your nice obseruance do restraine Men , and their actions both , from being plaine : And yet you call those Cowards , who beware As if they were possess'd with childish feare . Suruay thy selfe , quicke-sighted formalist , And then discouer that abusiue mist , With which men shelter any private sinne : Charity alwayes doth at home beginne . Now haue you ended ? then , I answer all By scorning to excuse or hide my fall ; As thou dost vrge , if I transgresse my square , I of relapse , not of reproofe beware : And I beleeue thou likewise wilt amend , If so thou do'st not studiously offend : For that indeed betrayes mens dealings naught , When they doe studie rathe●… to be taught , In subtile mischiefe of a newer mint , Then to abiure deceits of common print : For they hate couznage , once intitled olde , Because the Title shewes it often tolde , And so affoords no lucre ; not because It fauours Athisme and corruption drawes . Why doe I taxe , why doe I trouble men , Or why with noted crimes defile my Pen ? The most notorious Cowards will betray Themselues , and follyes , though I turne away . Yes ( which is worth my laughter ) they accuse Their closest feares , euen while they doe refuse To let you vnderstand their subtile drifts . They doe discover such avoyding shifts , That you may thence collect some fearfull trick : They studie to appeare so politicke . As , Fellons brought before a Iustice , each Hopes to be sau'd , if others he impeach : And as some Indians dealt , being all amaz'd To heare the Spanish guns and forces blaz'd ; They bought their safety through a fine deceit : For knowing gold to be the Spanish baite , They would protest , that fifty leagues beyond Was common plenty of that yellow sand , Meaning to turne the fooles another way . And so deale vicious persons : they betray Anothers folly , to preserue their owne : Obserue , & you shall gather things well knowne . Go tell a Church-man he hath lost his voyce , Or aske him why he doth in strife reioyce : And he will answer ; Lawyers do not speake So much to purpose , as the Pulpits creake , Although they do receiue fees double twice ; Which far●…e exceed my single benefice . But you must thinke , diuines resolue on this , To blame-Lawmen though nothing were amisse . Go tell a Scholler he relyes on chance , Because he doth affect dull ignorance : And he the worst obiection soone auerts By telling how The times neglect deserts . Go tell a Maiestrate of morning bribes , And he , to shallow meanes , the same ascribes : But then demand of Honour why she failes , In giuing that which euery way auailes To nourish her beloued sonnes ? And she Will answere , They profuse , insatiate be . Aske shifting Russians why they do forget , To hasten payment and discharge their debt , Or why they doe sufficient men dislike ? And they will answere , Great-ones do the like . Go tell a Gameller he hath cheated long , Or vnto many offred shamefull wrong , And he will answere that himselfe before Was often cheated twentie times and more . Go aske a Drunkard why he followes wine , Abuses God , or giues a Heathen signe ; And he will quickly answere thy demand , The Parson was so drunke he could not stand . Go tell a Hot-spurre he hath kil'd a man , Go aske him how he doth the terrour scan : And he will answere ; a Phisitian's free To murther twenty millions ; why not hee ? Go tell a fawning wretch he doth relye Vpon the slauish vice of flattery : And he will answere . That the best are glad To follow such indeuours , or as bad . Go tell a whore she doth her sexe polute By being such a common prostitute : And she will answere in defence of fame , Citizens wiues , and Ladies do the same . Go tell a trades-man he deceiues the day , Refusing light , deluding euery way : And he will answere to auoyd thy curse , Go further on , you will be cheated worse . Thus cowards all ( not daring to defend The diuers follies which they dare intend ) Confesse themselues , and others do elect Vices , which none but Diuels dare protect . When I pronounce a Coward , it implies , Malice and spight be Cowards qualities : They are inseperate ; and why ? because A vicious Coward so exactly knowes Himselfe vnable , that he doth decree To haue Consorts as impotent as hee : Because he may a●…oyd the mighty shocke Of mens contempt , rank'd with a greater flocke : Whereas perhaps if he were left alone , His basenes onely would be look'd vpon . And therefore it is made the next reply ; Others be wicked men as well as I. But harke you Sir ( saith one ) you haue forgot , To brand our Females with a Cowards lot . They be a proper Subiect : do not spare Them and their couert dealing to declare : They be attyred with inuentiue doubts , And haue as many feares as they haue thoughts : They labour daily , yet they doe suspect , They cannot halfe a hansome face erect : They paint , they powder , they with toyes exceed Alas ! they dare not shew themselues indeede . Night they doe honour : then they do obtaine That which perhaps the day cals backe againe : They doe intice their Husbands to beleiue Any thing ( then ) and any thing to giue : They doe intreate , when Husbands scarce reply But with a purpose nothing to deny : They nor without aduantage do contend ; Nor any Cowards odds doe discommend . Well , well : admit they do abound with feare , Females for nothing else created were . They need not of their weakenesse be asham'd ; When wee should blush to heare the folly nam'd . So , so : but you Reproue impediment , And tell vs what the crafty times inuent , As if authority forgat his whip : You may be silent , and surcease to nip : Let sage Authority proceed by course Of Law , to punish these without remorse . Then you must bid Authority respect Thinges not accounted euill ; or neglect To punish friend-lesse fee-lesse infamies : And taxe braue mischiefe with seuerer eyes . Nay that will neuer be ; for tell the base , And poore offender ( who feeles no disgrace ) He hath offended ; and he dares reply , He tooke his patterne from Authority . So shifting be the simple Idiots , So shifting base be higher Patriots : And must be euer till they do reueale Feare to Commit , not study to Conceale .

Essay the fourth entituled Reproofe . Or a defence for common Law & Lawyers mixt with reproofe against the Lawyers common Enemy .

Essay . IIII. MY labour I renew : but hauing seene , How ill dispos'd my former truth hath been I grow a little wiser ; and agree To make an Essay proue an Ironie . Then what Profession shall I now disgrace ? Reproofe is thought to haue no better face Then Impudence or Malice ; and is thought To be a scandall by corruption wrought . T is true a thriuing knowledge hath by some Who lack'd such happy wit , been thought a scum ; And , vnder shadow of reproofe , hath beene Made an extreame derision to be seene : Nay made a publike iniury , to please Them , who should punish the contempt ; & squease That shamefull enuy , till it doth remaine , As empty as the rugged Authors braine , Alas I am too modest and obscure : I shew in darke reproofe what is impure ; And therfore haue beene blamed : but I will now Speake with an open zeale ; and disauow The mincing tearmes of caution : if I faile To speake my meaning , let me nere preuaile To speake a righteous thought : And if I misse Opinion of a tempered zeale in this , I shall account it glory ; for the thing , Needs such a Poets vehemence to sing Her hat●…d trophe●…es , that will neither care To purchase hate ; nor will his knowledge spare : Nay such a Poet that will be most glad , In her defence to be accounted mad . In her ? in whose defence ? thine ( sacred Law ) Thine , whose prouoking ●…arity doth draw My soule vnto thy rescue . Thou hast made Way through the bloudy and victo●…ious blade Of Danes and Normans , to maintaine thy right : And hast preseru'd thine honour in despight Of time and conquest : like Religion , thou Hast among persecutions gotten through : And when preuailing rage of swor●… and lance Threatned thy titles , 〈◊〉 didst 〈◊〉 aduance : Nay ( which is miracle ) thy 〈◊〉 haue Enforc'd the cruell 〈◊〉 to 〈◊〉 And thinke them precious . All 〈◊〉 warre Which doth not learning and men learned spare , Had not the power to demolish thee : Nor Time , to which the greatest 〈◊〉 be Condemned 〈◊〉 : 〈◊〉〈◊〉〈◊〉 , That almost doth all 〈◊〉 arts 〈◊〉 ; Nor nice opinion , that doth oft supplant The holy truth , and make the best recant : These ( which haue ruin'd others ) did increase Thy natiue glory , and augment thy peace . When strict inuasion ouercame the Land ; Thou hadst the grace , within thee to command Nay to intice the flinty Conqueror : He who had strong sufficience to abhorre Thy bliss-full knowledge , he was well content To loue thee and obey thy Regiment . Can it be said a stranger did embrace Thine infant worth ; and shall thine aged face Be now forgotten ; and derided then By those who call themselues thy Country-men ? It is : and vndergoes the shamefull mocke Of them who haue ●…onsum'd their idle stocke Of witty iesting : It is now the way To keepe a Writers credit from decay ; If he can foyst into his fly-blowne stuffe Some twenty Law-tearmes ; he hath wit enough : The very basest wretch ( who cannot lay Matter in two yeares for a ragged Play ) Will taxe the Law with errors most vntrue , And teach the folli●…s which it neuer knew . Poore sneaking fellowes who be discontent With euery fashion , art , and argument ( Which doth not magnifie their witlesse rimes ) Produce the Law to proue our wicked times . Then ( dearest Cambridge , best in my respect ) Be these examples fitting to direct Thy ripe inuentions ? and to tutor thee Who art , if well awak'd , most fit and free To Tutor all the world ? Is plenties date So much exspir'd that thou must imitate ? What prodigall and riotous expence Hath turn'd thee bankroupt ? Is thy nobler sence Now punish'd for mispending former cost ? Or be thy riches by aduenture lost ? Hast thou not carefull been to multiply Thy precious wealth ? or did the parties dye , Or else run mad , on whom thou hast disposd Thy honour'd portions ? Is thy wealth inclosd Where none but Worthy men may it behold ? Or be thy worthy Poets cheapely sold As Bondslaues to detraction ? or what then ? Hath thy good nature trusted many men And doe they all forget to pay thee now ? Some haue enough to spend ; but care not how : And so perhaps thy Poets : haue they so ? Good Poets write whether they will or no And worthily : why therfore do●… not they ? Dost thou or nature curse them with delay ? Or doth thy bounty turne to poysoned gall ? Else art thou growne so couetous withall That thou canst nothing spare but mouldy sauce To welcome and deserue the Kings applause ? I wrong thee Cambridge with my strict demand : thou keepst those wits within thy plenteous hand Who can establish works with easie choise , Worthy to be commended by the voice Of God and Angels : but it hath been tolde ; Sound wits are modest ; shallow-braines are bold : And therefore did the law-tearme Poet weene , To please a publike eare with priuate spleene . Now O the pitty ! that a misconceite O●… some , should all the Law and Lawyers baite . Content your selfe saith Ignoramus , I Taxe not the Law , but Lawyers vanity : Nor do I taxe good Lawyers , but the ranke Of those who purchase wealth , and yet are blank ▪ Content thy selfe slight Ignoramus , I Am well acquainted with your pollicy : You in the Fencers trick are deeply read ; And off●…ing at the foot you meane the head . As doth a Rebell who hath taken Armes : He promises to helpe his Countries harmes , But hath a meaning to supprise the towne , And make the totall Regiment his owne : Such was thy meaning ; to disgrace the Law Vnder a colour'd trick ; and wisely draw That honour to yourselues which followes them . But shall I taxe your meanings , and condemne Inuisible designements ? You proclaime Your meanings in each Tauerne : will you blame Those that beleiue you when you do reioyce That Lawyers be offended with your noise ? Trust me , atender mercy doth inforce me to compassion and a silent course , When any crime , that doth deserue the scourge , Is too much tortur'd : I had rather vrge Defence for folly , then reproofe ▪ when all Insult vpon it ; And so much miscall An easie error , that it gathers strength . I feele me thinkes a happy scorne at length To adde my curses to the vulgar curse , In the most hatefull mischiefe : It is worse To ouer-punish crimes then to commit . I doe abhor to exercise my wi●…t On a most troden Theame : and doe account A sleepy caue better then such a mount . Me thinks 't is noble and most humane too ; If I forbeare when I might freely doo . And could that spa●…ke of goodnes be in you So much forgotten ; that you durst allow The broad contempt of them , whose happines , All common Enuy labours to make lesse ? Did it seeme honest , politicke , or wise , Humane , or vertuous to you , to deuise So bad a Proiect ? and to multiply The times detraction with an open lye ? What will you answer ? what will you compose Able to make defence in vearse or p●…ose ? 'Troth you had best in some new ballad sing Your Lib●…ll was bespoken by the King . For no euasion can your wisedome spare ; Except the foolish one ; I doe not care . But Ignoramus may conceiue that I Am ouer-ea●…nest now ; and may reply , Things are as they be taken ; and indeed Things oft be taken worser then they need : But you and your additions doe expound Your hearty tryumphes vnto malice bound : Seeking ( as if you had forsworne the Law Of reason and of reuerence ) to misdrawe That ornament of men ; and to annoy The chiefest Iustice and the chiefest ioy That our law doth acknowledge : were it so As the report already seemes to know ; You should affixe vnto your tainted place , Eternity of shame and of disgrace . Schollers ( you say ) haue found themselues agrieu'd ▪ Was this the fittest way to be relieu'd ? Perhaps you doe account it as your griefe Because the Iudge hath spar'd som scholler theefe ; And so his mercy hath corrupted more : This might excuse , and get amends , before Such bold inuectiues : but you doe prolong Your strife ; & say your suites haue sufferd wrong . So so : i●…patient arrogance will finde The way to quarrell when her eyes be blinde . For though men conquer a malicious hart And giue no causes to complaine of smart : Nay , turne her quickest sences into steele T●…at ( though a cause were giuen ) she might not feele , Yet , would she ( rather then be mute ) suggest Causes of quarrell out of sleepy rest . Nay , 't is a Schollers vice and veniall pride To thinke his owne conceit the surer side : If therefore he dislike the Lawes intent , We may neglect his tales with merriment ; And pardon what he saith : for euery youth In Cambridge s●…emes to vnderstand the truth Of Logick and Philosophy so plaine ; That o●…her truth he holdes in much disdaine : Or he bel●…iues the Colledges know all , And onely truth approues which they so call . And hearing them dislike the Lawyers brood When Suites decline , or cases be not good ; He lookes no further then the grudging fame : And is not ready to discerne , but blame . Nay rather All become so valiant That they abhorre to be thought ignorant Of any truth in Law ; because our Ile Hath call'd it Common ; and makes Iohn a Stile The rustick worde so frequent in our bookes : And therfore with contempt each Scholler looks Vpon the weighty meanings ; whose pure light Hath Iron gates to stop their scornfull sight . Though they presume their ●…ight can reach the And therfore they proceed in simple iarrs : And then exclaime vpon the Lawyers sence starrs : When they doe loose through idle confidence . Nay , nay , we need not mar●…el though they blame The Lawes proceedings when they loose their game : For though they win & suffer no disgrace , Their best opinion of the Law is base . But it is possible a Poets witt Should be so flesh'd in mischiefe to commit Rape with an * * the common law aged Matror ; & despoile Her honor'd grauity with impious toile , Except his former sinnes haue taught before The way to gett some Bastard by a Whoore ? I cannot thinke it possible , nor may , Till proofe conuert 〈◊〉 thoughts another way : He seemes ( like one in reputation crost ) By desperate meanes to purchase what he lost . Perhaps the Fabulist can tell vs why This Writer took●… a 〈◊〉 of 〈◊〉 : And as the Chariot-driuer ask'd his wheele Wherfore it creak'd ? which answered ; I do feele The want of that , which stopps a creaking voice : So the lowde Ignoramus may reioyce To learne this answer ; and protest with it , He tooke meere sound because he wanted wi●…t : but come thou long-nail'd comick , who dost claw And can●…t not 〈◊〉 the substance of our Law ; ( For busie fooles may * * Tru●…h may be blamed but cannot be shamed . blot but cannot sinke Through solid stuffe with Aqua fortis 〈◊〉 ) Let ●…s a while examine your delight And search the wo●…ds where you most deeply bite You bring a large confused heape of noyse , 〈◊〉 , writs , and vocall empty toyes , To proue the lawes discredit ; then you ioyne A Lawyers hearty loue to yellow coyne ; And then you snarle against our simple French As if you had beene pepperd wi●…h your wench : And then right harmeles Dulman doth inchant The Scaene ; with teaching Latine how to Cant. O most rare subiect and bewitching Scaene●… Able to make the fattest hearer leane ; If he would truly thinke how little paines Do●…h fasten credit vpon lucky s●…raines , When full deseruings proue infortunate : And neither purchase fame , in loue , nor hate . What though a Lawyer doth expect his fee ? Doth not a Lawyer , that same Angell see Tempting diuines to flatter and belie The dead , which tempted him to falsifie The liuing truth ? resolue me , which of both Approches neerest to a ●…ewd vntroth ? I thinke it wo●…ser to commit the sinne That shall not be rebuk'd , and which will winne Strength , because vncontrold ; then to protect An error which the court will contradict . And if you talke of learning , they alone Can yeeld vs twenty dunces backe for one . Then was the Lyon wise , which grauely said , Asses may blowe the trumpet in our ayde . But you procure the King to laugh enough , I darde not say to like such thredbare stuffe : For he that scornes our common lawe in rage Because the tearmes are ouer growne with age May scorn the wrincles which haue smoo-her beene And loue a strumpet with her painted skin . Or he may mocke his mothers countenance ; When it growes witherd by continuance : Law is the kingdomes mother : she by light : Conceiues , and is deliured of mens right : And all her phrases which be * * Malta 〈◊〉 , 〈◊〉 i●…m cecidere , caden●…o ; Que nunc sunt in honore vocabula , sivolet v●…us . Hor: de arte poe. wrincled now . Once had a youthfull and a louely brow . But is it lawfull to embase the true And auncient L●…tine , with deuises new ? Embase we doe not , but enlarge we may ; where words approu'd wil not our sence conuey . Come , come : although you will not vnderstand You shall be taught to grace your natiue land ; With yeelding loue ▪ and honour to defend Your countries credit ; which the lawes intend . Rich natures worke most absolute and wise Doth giue the liberty which you despise : You may obserue how in this earthly globe , She cloathes each creature with a suiting robe : The quiet Lambe she doth adorne with wooll And makes the Parot fine , a beautious gull : But because strength and durance are within , She cloathes the Lyon with a rugged skin : And such an outside doth become the part Of a preuailing , and perpetuall art : An art which hath no meaning to respect A mighty person , and the poore neglect : An art which in her habit rude , and plaine , Disclaimes to be prouok'd with loue or gaine : And with such art is Englands * * The Common Lawe . mother blest , Being in all her liuely habit drest : Therefore I thinke it wisdome to adorne The Law with out-side which may merit scorne : That like a wealthie Farmer clad in * * 〈◊〉 quisqu●… 〈◊〉 erat a natur●… , vberiùs etiam a doctrina , 〈◊〉 , ●…ò magis refug●…ebat a legum 〈◊〉 , qui vipribus et spin●…s interclusus tenebatur . Bod●…n : praefati : Frise , She may preserue her treasure in disguise : For being like a glorious dame arraid ; Her tempting beauties then were all betraid To multitude of * * Or Students suiters ; and her loue Would more then infinite contentions moue : Looke on that foolish thing which many call A beauteous woman ; and behold how all Spend their deuotions ▪ sacrifice their braine , engage their liues and credit to maintaine that mappe of coulors : euery man may see Her suiters ( though but two ) will disagree About her loue ; nay striuing to be blest each will presume he hath more interest : And will the simplest wretch conceiue that shee , I meane our Law and makers dignitie ; She our almighties minion , can display Her quicke transparance , and not steale away Mens deere affections ? or can she remoue Her vaile ; and will not her attracting loue Prouoke the wisest men to quarrell ? yes : Loue a conceit and firme opinion is ; And knowledge doth beget amasing doubts : T●…en loue with knowledge doth inspire the thoghts To chuse opinion : knowledge being wide Can both maintaine opinion and diuide : So then contentions follow : such would bee The force of law , if euery man could see . Admit , she were adornd with costly phrase ; Admit all nations did her merits blaze ; And that the sweetest beautie she can take , Would neither do●…age nor dissention make ; Yet hauing many suiters , she must minde The due respect of all , or proue vnkinde : which would exceed her large , ( but aequal ) dowre If she were courted by more courts then foure . Why then be some licentious Church-men vext ? Why be they suffred to abuse their text ; And make the Gospell speake against our Law ? When as the Text ( which they enforce to gnaw Vpon a Lawyers credit ) doth concerne Their owne reproach ; if they could well discerne . O listen you that haue but common sence And marke with what iniurious violence They doe compell the Scripture : I haue knowne Cynnicks , to such a spightfull blindnes growne , That , on the silly wordes of Balaams Asse , They would inferre what slaue a Lawyer was . The forraine P●…pist is , against our will , Beholding to our Law , and must be still : For we and our proceedings vndergoe A fury which the Pope and Rome should know : The witty students doe endeauour thus , With squibbes and crackers against onely vs , In such abundance ; that their wits be spent E're they confute a Popish argument . I cannot guesse what fatall curse incites Their fluent enuy , which ( in triumph ) bites : But well assur'd I am , that onely they Whose liues , their guilty meaning , doe betray Despise a Lawyer : when the best Diuines Scorne to be noted by such daring signes . But others seeme as if their hungry mawes Were cramm'd with all corruption of our Lawes : And that in chusing of a Text , they meane To purge their guts , & make their stomacks clean : ●…or any Scriptures peece , like Hellebore Rumbles within them , and doth bring vp store Of cholericke vomit in the Lawyers face : Whilst I lament their high and sacred place ; And maruaile why the Circle cannot charm●… That frantick method ; but be made a Farme To sowe and nourish byting nettle seed Or slips of 〈◊〉 : rather it indeed Is growne the charmed fortresse , to condemne : But cannot iustifie their zeale , nor them . For most of all their vehemence depends , On earthly zeale , and prostituted ends : Either they seeke to please themselues and men ; Or to displease their enemie ; or then To credit their owne Colledge ; or withall To be accounted sharpe and Cynicall ; Or to be great ; or to discharge their name And place least they incurre a publike shame . The worthy men , whom no such end attaints , Shall , if they come to me , become my Saints . But God forbid their ends should harden vs , To blame the truth , or proue inc●…edulous : We shall a powerfull Doctrine best obey , Not thinking why but what they doe display : Yet I doe wish them as a slander by , Henceforth to learne aright both what and why : Least seeming zealous , you doe make withall God as a shadow to your secret gall . It is a thing so common to traduce The Lawyer , and besprinckle bitter Iuyce ; That I ( before some Preacher doth begin ) Dare lay a wager , he will raile and win : For I haue often heard such fuming stuffe Presented to an Audience all in snuffe , That ( trust me ) I haue wondred in my minde , Whether he spake before , o●… spake behinde : And so the Parson spake ( vnlesse I faile ) Who preach'd of Tobyes dog , that wagd his tail●… . What ? shall the sacred learning which aff●…ights , And coniures down the most inhumane sprights , Be so distracted , with a sudden curse , That it must raise vp spirits , And much worse , And yet from thence proceed things often good , As from the fountaine of most Heauenly food : For Scorne it selfe and Enuy must confesse That many , there excell in worthinesse : If Passi●…n sometimes did not Zeale condemne , We should account them Gods , & worship them . But some in earnest folly ouer proud , Most voide of matter , will thus talke aloud : O the most gryping Lawyer who doth make Dissention vpon earth ; and mony ta●…e On this side , and on that side , a●…d doth loue His Gold and Money , and dissention ; moue : Is not the Lawyers wicked , then I say ? And very wicked brethren ? and I pray Is it not , shamefull brethren ? Fye for shame That Lawyers should loue money 〈◊〉 and enfl●…me Their hearts with loue of siluer , and so leaue Goodnes to turne a Lawyer and deceiue ; And then like couetous Lawyers — thus he lay Out-lawd in breath and knew not what to say . Let me demand your purpose : doe you meane To cleanse a dish with dish-clouts more vnclean ? Resolue me ( Poets ) you that doe bestow , The most abusiue scorne which man dares know , Vpon the Lawes profession : You that take A patterne by damnations rule to make The Lawyer seeme more hatefull ; and beleeue Hate merits Heauen , which may the Lawyer grieue . I pray resolue me ( Poets ) doe you meane , To make that rampant and immodest Queane Your Muse , the Lawyers Mistres ? And repaire A place infected with vnwholsome ayre ? What ? doth a Patient blame Physitians skill , Because th' Apothecary wrongs his bill ? You blame the Lawyers gaine , and will not see How Offices consume the greater see , For as a Pothecaties bills depend On the Physitian to surcharge his friend ; So , to surcharge the Clyent , Offices Depend vpon a Lawyers busines . Resolue me you diuines , whose earnest hate To Lawyers , makes you practise a d●…bote , Whilst you * * Si cille Cyn●…cus 〈◊〉 carp●…bat homines ●…ui pro ●…ona 〈◊〉 sacia 〈◊〉 , ●…t 〈◊〉〈◊〉 contra samtatem 〈◊〉 . 〈◊〉 : Lib. 6. 268. declaime against the very sinn●… : I pray resolue me , who hath euer beene So fruitles in extreame reproofe as you ? Or after long inu●…ctiues who did know So small detraction of the common 〈◊〉 ? What ? doe you purpose to amend ou●… life With bitter malice ? can r●…uiling 〈◊〉 Make Lawyers quiet ? O you do amaze My little braine with wonder : you may please To see how furious windes do moue the seas And make the Ocean roare ; when gentle gales Adde a faire swiftnes to the Marchants sailes : And so doth clamorous rayling worke mens rage when milde reproofe might quicken vertues age . But you , as many Doctors do , or , can , Seeming to heale the vice , abhorre the Man . You doe pretend with phisicke rules to cure The Lawes diseases ; which might well indure A potion , ( I confesse ) for you that vrge Might well endure a potion , and a purge : B●…t you pretending wisely to display The 〈◊〉 of Lawyers cannot 〈◊〉 the way : You know the perfect method to displease ; But neither constitution , nor disease . You thinke a Sanguine body , cholericke ; And so your potion makes the Lawyer sicke : Lawyers be Sanguine , liuely , firme and free : No maruaile then your medcines disagree : For God himselfe may this full truth dispearce ; Medcines make sound men froward and peruerse . Admit ( which euery honest man will say ) That Lawyers do , as all professions , lay Some part of meaning to increase their state : And do deserue your Phisicke , not your hate : Is therefore the disease so violent Or they so crazy , that with one consent You must apply quicke medcines all the yeere ? The Spring & autumne be fit times to cleere A fowle grosse body : then are they so foule That all times must the Lawyers art controule ? Small phisick knowledge may perswade you thus That things which grow familiar with vs Can haue no mightie uertue to preuaile : Though taken seldome , they do neuer faile . For neither poyson'd sops , nor Opiates can , Releiue , or trouble an accustom'd man . Nor can reproofe , enforc'd with daily care , Make vitious people better then they are . You do pretend our health when you reproue ; And we must thanke you for your holy loue : But will a pained sick-man safely trust The phisicall aduice of him , who must Inherit , when the patient is dead ? You Churchmen know , ( and cannot be misled ) That you may claime by gift the next estate If our lawes body did giue way to fate . And therefore all the world may well suspect Your phisicke sauours of a strange effect . But all your subtile nips and priuie querks Doe proue such poore and vn-preuailing ye●…ks , That you prouided haue a mastife dogge ; Who runs about because he wants his clogge : But ( thanks to wis●…dome and our bodies might ) The toothles roaring curre can hardly bite : I meane your mastiffe Ignoramus now , Who tooke his valors breath from only you : And yet that e●…gin of authority , ( which makes the lesser fabricke stop and fly ) Might rather be propounded : for conceite And all vpon her lawles pleasure waite . The world appeares most like a Puppet-play , Wherein the motions , walke , performe and say , Nothing but what the master will aduance ; Though euery tricke proclaimes dull ignorance . Thus greatnes doth preuaile : what remedie ? Yes , honour'd Lawyers ( whom neglected I May freely place among the soundest men ) Be still vndaunted in your worth and then Their pittied clamorous malice wil proue hoarce And dumbe ; while you preferre an honest course . Vapors be rais'd and exhalations flye When the most seruent Sunne appeares in skye : Summer and heauenly Sun-shine do prouoke ; The noysome Fennes to yeeld an vgly smoake . which vpward mounts , but cannot touch the sun Although it should aboue the compasse runne : So Lawyers glory ( which deseruing paines , Knowledge and study haue enrich'd with gaines ) Doth moue the sordid breath of baser wits ( As doth the Sun preuaile in muddy pits ) To yeeld a stinking vapor , not defile Lawyers with madnes , and reuenge more vile . But as the Sunne doth readily consume And turne to nothing , the poore vap●…ous fume ; So shall the Lawyers bright and purer flame Of good example , turne contempt to shame . Meane time ( right Lawyers ) whom opinion rude H●…th rank'd among the baser multitude ; With admiration I salute your peace , Which hath been calme & patient ; while the seas With boystrous fury did assaie to drowne Your dearest hopes , and pull your trophys down My riper knowledge and experience Of your most often torturd innocence So troubles me , that I in serious sort , Could wisely now forsweare to trust report : My thoughts are all to narrow to disclose Your manly suffering ; which doth interpose The vildest sharpe reproofe that may be borne : And so confutes them with a noble scorne . O I doe feele a heart aboue my power To saue your merits from the fatall shower Of their detracting spight , and to disclowd Your vertues lost in the confused crowd Of headstrong rumor ; which your foes inuent To nourish their detracting argument . This only comforr I will now propound ; Giue loosers leaue to speake : which is the ground Of all our foes abusiue speech : for they Hauing lost manners and discretion may Speake boldly and be blameles though they raile But may their spight increase and matter faile . Now care and dulnes do my verse bereaue : And so sweet poetry I take my leaue . My greatest follies are already past ; And after noone I shall haue breath'd my last .

Of High Birth . ESSAY . V.

THINGS curiously Created , differ as much from thinges begotten , as the first Man from birth , and artificiall bodies from mans issue . Children therefore may challenge from their Parents more prerogatiue , then workemanship or mans Inuention ; for it participates with vs in being onely , but they in being ours : for thinges begotten be originally our owne , but things created be ours at the second hand continually : Else man were two waies excellent , and able to create , as well as to beget , without patterne or example : but onely our Issue is our owne absolute ; For man , secluded from the company of men , is by the help of Nature fit ( of himselfe ) for infinite generation , though nothing else : Whereas truely in matters of Science and manuall labour , man , without the helpe of man , doth nothing . So ignorant hee is , and chiefly bound vnto imitation , as hee neuer did nor will , produce that , which depends not on some president : Which argues the full necessity of being sociable , and mightily condemns these currish people , who thinke it all-sufficient , if they can once assume the pride , to say , they are not any way indebted ; or that they bee their owne Supporters : And thinke it the safest friendship to forget Humanity ; neglect Acquaintance ; make loue an outward Ceremony ; nay scarce so much : and neuer bee offended with a curse so much , as when they must haue mans assistance to restore them .

These are vnmindefull why man doth multeply ; Why lawfull Marriage was inuented : Or why GOD , tkinking it not enough to worke a Vnion with HVMANITY by the bond of NATVRE , did also extend affinitie to those of another stocke ; That INCEST might bee vnacted ; and by the consequent , that MAN should not engrosse onely the loue of his owne FAMILIE ; But seeke loue among other people that hee might learne more knowledge .

Man therfore thus enabled to produce ; it followes by implication that amongst posterity , some one must haue precedence ; in which , sonnes ( by consent ) haue that Immunity of Eldest : And Hee , according to vsuall speech , is called the Heire Apparant : which is a name so largely taken , as ( with it ) wee imply any one able to inherit , though not the Eldest . But properly it extends to the First Begotten , who ( in being first ) supplies the office of a Substitute ro discharge that which incumbers the Parent ; The office of a valiant warriour likewise , who couets by being first , to take the first charge , giue the first assault , and ( aboue all ) to bee according to his name , truely forward in the high Archieuements of honour : so forward , as for any of his Ranke to bee before , should bee reputed a miserable basenesse . It is an obserued point of Nature ( among Pliny . 〈◊〉 Philost●…o . the Ancients ) that Elephants , when they passe a riuer , knowing by peculiar instinct that their aduersaries ( for the most part ) incounter them in the Rereward , they marshall themselues that the eldest may bee first ready to sustaine the violence : which giues a memorable precept to mans Issue , that hee ( if eldest ) ought rather to protect , then to exceede his inferiour kinsfolke ; that , they ( because youngest ) ought rather to submit , where his good counsell may assist , then be malignant or maintaine Faction .

This Theater of mans life , admits degrees of height , in which the eldest is aboue the others ; and therfore as the Centinell , or Scout ( in Atmies ) is vigilant to foresee aduantage , and so preserue by diligence when courage of the rest is little worth : So should superiours in birth bee as much prouident for the safety of those , in respect of whome they be superior , as to esteeme their birth-right a blessing .

It is therefore no safe conclusion , to say hee is the eldest , and so most excellent ; but hee is the eldest , and therefore should bee most excellent : For in production of the soule it fares otherwise with a man , then with vnreasonable creatures ; Among which there needes no better warrant to signifie courage , then the first breede , which signifies the strength of Nature in the Parents or Breeders . But with Man , ( who communicates with a Beast onely in giuing outward shape ) it is sufficient for him to challenge in his Issue what himselfe bestowes : As for the Diuine Materials of Reason , if sometimes they doe heriditarily succeede to the sonne of a prudent Father , wee may from hence conclude , that GOD more * * Nothing so much argues a supreame and infin●…te gouerment of of thinges , as the diuerse euent which followes from the same meanes and industry . often dispenses with it , to make man see the true ORIGINALL , rather then Flesh should challenge any part ; or Fathers think they bee the sole efficients . For it is nowe made a common argument of the SONNES folly , if the FATHER bee more then commonly wise . And I am very much perswaded , that this ( if nothing else ) may assure the Polititian of some supreame disposer who giues warning to his presumption Nihil dat quod non habet , 〈◊〉 non habet 〈◊〉 nam S●… habu●…sset daret . His pollicies are not his owne : For hee would then impart them haeriditarily to his issue . through the plague of a foolish Heire ; that hee may ouer-value himselfe at his owne perill : seeing hee hath his owne workmanship before his eyes , to argue against him , and his arrogant couceit . Bee it sufficient therfore that cunning Nature , which principally and commonly workes out each naturall mans existence by causes well knowne , Matter , For me , and * * Priuatio est 〈◊〉〈◊〉 ●…acuum 〈◊〉 principium ●…otus : scal: 15. Exerc. Priuation , is not able in things essentiall , to distribute any parricle without Diuine prouidence : So the Eldest naturally inherites nothing as by peculiar claime , but sencelesse lineaments of body . Howsoeuer , most conuenient it is , that euery one by birth ennobled , either by single priority , or priority vnited to noble parentage should seeke to accomplish the part of nature vndone in more then complement , ciuill silence , or common passages ; and make the birth absolute . For Man , a sluggish Creature , ( prompt enough to decline after satietie ) seemes naturally to be * * Partes homines sumus non homines . Scal: de sub . vnfurnished , that hee might not be vnbusied . So nature hath left much imperfect , to intimate by the vacant absence of some things needfull , that mans labour should make things vsefull . Nature affoords timber , but workmanship the structure : the earth produces Ore , but Art the Siluer : Nature giues plants , Knowledge the vse : Among all which she doth require a more ample and lesse supplement , according to the value , raritie or estimation of the thing . For Chymicks knowe , the more pretious mettals aske more paines in extraction of the true quintessence , then baser Minerals : Gold is the seauenth time purified , & then becomes beautifull : besides the qualitie of things more pretious , ought still to bee made answerable to the things value . Couragious horses bee managed with curiositie : delicate voyces bee selected to learne harmonies , whilst harsh and strong voyc'd cryers bee ridiculous . Diamonds , not glasse , become pure mettall , and rich garments haue much costly appearance . High blouds likewise be the fittest receptacles for high actions ; but if a sackecloth bee embroydred , the adiunct may deserue honor , though the ground-worke be Plebe●…an : and men of vp-start Parentage may , in respect of braine , take place before Nobilitie , though their persons bee odious . Our selues and parents , or instructors , be the secondary causes which protract or abreuiate , enrich or impouerish , our owne destinies . For either wee are driuen with fatal obstinacie ; to ouer-take fortune through a selfe-will ; else , by the negligence of education , or being not season'd in minority , our stupid dulnesse giues Fortune leaue to ouer take vs through want of prouidence . High birth is so farre from priuiledge to exempt any from these , as it approaches neere to miserie , when shame is vnpreuented ; & makes destinie notorious .

I know no difference therefore betwixt the degrees of Fortune , if Birth alone makes the comparison . For which is more predominant , if one of obscur●… fortune becomes publike by meritts , returning to his first ranke if he transgresse ; or if one descended Nobly , doth but deserue himselfe , and family , through great engagements , being ready to descend below himselfe if hee miscarry : and be as publike in disgrace , as vpstarts in applause ? For this Age of Innouation is fitter to behold one swimming to a remote shore , them to consider how happily the inhabitants be there delighted : fitter I mean , to see new actions , & actiue spirits proceeding , then the maintenance of honor proceeded : and fitter to behold one falling from a rock , then from a stumbling mole hill . So that if Noble-men aduanced , conti●…ue so ; & ambitious Ge●…try , nay or basenesse , do aspire and thriue , I see no difference : if ruine thre●…tens both , the last transcends in outward happinesse .

The best similitude which makes diuersity , reaches but thus farre : I see an embroydred empty purse , and stoope to view it narrowly , because the outside glisters : I spurne a greasie 〈◊〉 before me , and heare the sound of siluer : I take both , keepe both , and will esteem the coyne aboue the empty purse , and yet preferre the outsides a lone not both alike ; because the one is capable and beautious already , the other doth containe already , but can neuer be beauteous : No more then vpstarts , though renowned in meritts , can euer t●…ke Nobility of Birth : beause it will demand successio●… to con●…irme antiquity .

So that enobled fortunes ( being an outward beauty ) shal but make me more willing ( as an embroydred purse●… to see their in-sides ; not to enlarge their value : when as perhaps one basely obscure , shall more purchase my reuerence , though lesse attract my labor to discouer him .

As for the chiefe ornaments which qualifie great parentage , they should bee such a●… make most in the aduancement of a Common wealth : which be the maintenance of publike Lawes and Iustice ; they being the honor of a common-wealth . And well doth it 〈◊〉 that highnes makes lawes florish . For seeing Lawes receiue their liues from the concordance of Nobility ; it must ( by good coniecture ) follow , that strength of law ( which is a iust proceeding ) would , through the countenan e of Nobility , receiue more credit & reuerence . But oftentimes aduancement is so ill bestowed , that eitherit makes mens disposition worse ; or nothing better . As wee read of meates dressd among the African Kings , ( and namely by Mulleasses King of Algier , ) which meates were made infinite costly with perfumes , but neither toothsome nor wholsome : And such perfumed Peacocks , be worthles men dignified . Though sometimes the visible dignity of persons , doth attract sluggish or obstinate beholders with vnanimity or terror .

Thus ignorant men ( vnacquainted with our state of ques●…ion ) will often wish within themselues , That a Dunce or Coward may preuaile before the Combate , because they incline more to the reputation of his posture , fame , or person , then to his fellowes : which loue doth ( notwithstanding ) sometimes vanish into feare , adoration , or a reverend conceit . The very name of Crumwell was able to disseuer insurrections ; so much was hee credited with an opinion of sincere grauitie . And it may almost seeme a positiue truth , that noble and heroycall spirits are at the first sight trusted with mens best opinions : It is needfull therefore that the merits of a noble birth , should be rewarded sooner , ( though they be lesse worthy ) then of a new proficient ▪ because greatnes claimes dutie to their persons as well as to their merits . But there is nothing more allied to faction then for a greatbegotten to preuaile in gouernement before his time ; or to attaine the greatest ●…ignities before he knowes their meaning . Such vndeserued honours are of Appi●…n noted with a mutinous badge , & a contempt of publike orders : ( for saith he ) when S●…lla was dictator , he confirmed this Law to strengthen his diuision , that those who did in his desence partake with him , should be entitled to the state and dignities before their time . To bee a man generally famous , doth oftentimes dispense with comelinesse of personage , and purchaseth full applauded successe in euery dispatch vnder the pattent , of hauing beene generally commended . That many ▪ fold * historian hath ob●… 〈◊〉 Maximus . a profitable way which maketh the sonnes of honour famous .

〈◊〉 literarum monum●…nta , Ad●…uta militaris 〈◊〉 , Aucta senatorum 〈◊〉 , 〈◊〉 illus●…rem 〈◊〉 .

To beautifie and enrich learning , to nou●…ish and help warsknowledge , to multiply and to aduance the power of Magistrates , haue made an vpstart ( much more the sonnes of honour ) famous . But if popular fam●… bee not gracious , then ornaments of body , comlinesse , and behauiour , must be concomitant with High-birth to relish their imployments and beget opinion . For single birth , without additions , is no generall to command an Armie , or to 〈◊〉 with multitudes : which ( in order of reason ) should be a Noble and generous intention because birth is sooner capable of respect only , then base agents .

By this caution therefore did Rosinus . lib: 2. Angelius : lib. 5. c : 13. the Noblest Romans apply themselues to take the patronage of Plebeians ; accounting it the most honourable entrance , to imploy their efficacie of birth , by the protection of poore Clients , or otherwise illiterate Citizens : The frequencie of which custome made Nobilitie famous . High-birth is reasonably to be commended if it can escape dishonor , though it come short of honor : if it be made no Licence for oppression ; althogh it scantly doth releeue oppression . But vices in any kinde fastening vpon authoritie , and great persons be most dangerous : for though they be perswaded to forsake them ; yet certaine Sinkes and gutters , ( as in great Citties ) be still waiting vpon bloods of honour : followers I meane , who be ready to weare the Lord and masters vices for a speciall cognisance or fauour : and so conuey absurdities and humors oftentimes downe from the head into the feete and body . It is an excellent signe of mans participation with diuinitie , to discerne and iudge of nature . This therefore should be the singular part of instruction among Noble pupils , and all that would become proficents , to rectifie , allay , and augment nature : which cannot bee by a restraint , but by giuing free libertie to enioy all , that so the worst may bee remoued : For when we say , Natura currit , wee must conceiue , Nature hath tasted : for Ignoti nulla cupido . And by the consequent , whilst wee dote vpon things absent , our inclination is discouered .

From hence therefore did ●…hrma know 〈◊〉 lou●…d the Image of his Satyre , because when hee heard his house was burnt , he asked onely if the Sa●…yre were safe : So when wee haue once enioyed , and now lacke our custome , desire will bee manifest .

It is not therefore wisdome to correct the natures of any , much lesse of Noble ones , by keeping them in covert from the worlds e●…e , vnlesse they bee appoynted for a Monasterie For that which wee cannot d●…e , because we know not , wee dare doe freely when wee are acquainted . But Nature beeing discouered , by hauing once enioyed , yeares will then easily admit a contrarietie . And as Wormewood , rubbed vpon the nipple of a Nurses Teate , 〈◊〉 the ●…hilde ; so thy detestation , or continuall inuectiue against that vice which thou wouldst abolish in another , makes it vnsauory , sooner then rage or violenc●… . For th●…se be able to make him , not abandon the vice , because he abhorres thee ; and in despight will keepe it , 〈◊〉 eye seruice : whereas 〈◊〉 being ●…ared for its owne sake , ( 〈◊〉 is deforme●… ) th●… 〈◊〉〈◊〉 of this 〈◊〉 may bee still beloued .

Vicious men may , without question , bee entertained by Princes , and giue much morallitie : prouided alwayes , that apprehensiue natures be neere hand , to make applications . For Then as an Apes heart ( it selfe being a most timorous Creature ) being well applyed , be●… courage in the patient : So Cowards , Epicures , and blasphemous persons , may ( by good compositions ) produce Valiancie , Abstinence , and Humilitie in Princes : but poysons bee a dangerous phisicke , without skilfull professors . It is the happines of some natures to need lesse instruction : And amongst all instructions we must be guided by the natures aptnes some being prouokd most by reading , some by perswasion , some by reproofe , others by company . As in a Fence-schoole , some profit by resolution wholy , some by rules , some by disdaine to be offended , some by seeing others .

Indeed the study to discerne Nature in Noble persons , should bee equiualent to their owne disquisition of nature in others ; for seeing they ought by superintendence to ouerlooke man , they should be perfect in the Character of Man : bearing their best Librarie about them . But vices punishable in a priuate man , may haue a little tolleration in great persons ; because he ( hauing no such temptations ) hath aduantage in obseruing a strict honest course : It being the neere temtation of bad dealing in euery man , and most especially in great ones to haue a power to commit and to conceale a mischiefe : they may commit much : it will not be denied : and if their wisdomes 〈◊〉 , they may conceale more than others : The chiefest meanes they haue to conceale , is to 〈◊〉〈◊〉 against the crime they honour : By which means , * * Rosinus . Seruius Sulpitius Tribune of the people hauing framed a Law that none among the Senators should run in debt aboue a thousand Drachmaes , thought it a safe Licence for himselfe to exceed the quantitie : and therfore was he found in debt , after his death , aboue three hundred Myriads ; amounting to three hundred times ten thousand Drachmaes . The totall dutie of men greatly-noble is by the Laconian * * Ages●…aus . Prince deliuered in two precepts ; the knowle●…ge to command the knowledge to submit .

They should represent the Lyon , who is noted ( aboue all ) to carry a most valiant head , and a Maiesticke countenance : imita●…ing the apparant and inuisible potencie of high spirits .

Besides ( that I may continue this Mythologie ) the ●…ecke of a Lyon hath no ioynts ; whereby he cannot looke backwards , vnlesse hee turnes his body : Neither can Princes , without scandall to their integrity , seem one thing , and doe another ; not turne there faces vpon vertue , and yet be fugitiue in their motion .

The backe of Lyons carries a magnanimous bredth : And all the noble deedes of Ancestors , historicall examples of Monarchs , with infinite renowned precepts of former ages , make but one broad backe-president , to strengthen the wisedome of Princes . The bones of a Lyon haue lesse marrow then others ; for lasciuious fuell ●…iminisheth valour . The want ot pith there fore makes Oke more durable then Eldar ; and contempt of wantonnesse moues Princes to a more settled resolution . Lyons haue an exquisite propertie to smell out their owne aduantage : For it is reported , the male knowes when the Lyonesse hath been adulterous with the Panther , by a peculiar sence of smelling : And the wisest part of men worthily descended , is to betray their owne abuses ; for men of this ranck are incident to strong delusions . A Lyon sleeps and yet his eies are open : So prouident high Statesmen , that possesse much , cannot haue eyes too many , or too watchful : Neither may absolute man incurre security . When Lyons deuoure , famine doth inforce them ; And when Kings take the sword , a zealous appetite , to satisfie forgotten vertue , should prouoke them . Neither may generous Natures bee nobly offended , except , as by an impulsiue , or sufficient cause , they ouercome ; So by a Heroyicke scorne to malice , they can both swallowe and digest the cause with the conquest . Howsoeuer it may bee fictitiously reported , that Lyons haue ( by a miraculous feeling ) beene defensiue to condemned Martyrs ; yet may the obseruation affoord thus much morality : That , as a true Noble man may by no meanes receiue a more excellent moderation of spirit , and , spur , to greatly-good actions then by a religious feare ; so cannot this bee any way expressed better ( himselfe being so eminent ) then in protection of Diuine Iustice , & good mens causes . It is admirable ( if true ) to see how generously Lyons haue scorned to be base debtors : Insomuch that it is memorably reported ; How Androcles a vagabond captiue , cured a Lyons paw ; In gratification whereof , the Lyon afterwards ( when Androcles was among the Romane Spectacles to bee deuoured ) spares , and protects him against a Rampant Pardall : Which carrieth a double precept for generous natures ▪ First , a preseruitiue against ingratitude , where followers haue beene seruiceable ; Then a contempt to bee a slauish debtor ( if meanes can auoide it ) especially to base-minded Trades men ; who vpon single debts inforce a double ingagement : Both of credite and restitution : For if you remaine in their bookes for a commodity , you must remaine likewise in their fauour to auoide scandall , reiterations , and commemorations among all societies . Such is the common treacherous b●…senes of their conditions , though they protest otherwise : Which may exhort any Noble minde to beleeue this Maxime true ; Hee hath discharged halfe his reputation among men , that scornes the cr●…dite of a Cittizen , or indeede any man . Another singular note is fi●…ed vpon this magnanimous beast aboue written ; his wrath extends no further then the prouocation . And therfore when the Arabian Souldier , charging a Lyon with his Speare , was disapointed of the obiect , and ouer-threw himselfe with violence ; The Lyon returned , and onely nipping his head little ( for his presumption ) departed quietly . This being confirmed with many famous examples , I may inferre thus much . If it may seeme conuenient or honorable for Nobility offended , to punish , not respecting penitent submission ( which may without high offences seem tyrannicall ) yet if the punishment exceed the crime , we may confidently accompt it beastial , and worse . Againe it is notably remembred , that Lyons neuer run away , except they can priuately withdrawe , ( being ouercome with multitude ) into a secure Mountaine , or Wildernes . And I obserue that it ill becoms a braue resolution , to enter himselfe among proiects , from which hee must necessarily recoyle , except he carries a cautelous eie , & true circumspection . Lastly , I may conclude this moralized comparison with Aesops controuersy betwixt a Lyonesse and the Fox : The Fox commends her owne fruitfull generation , seeming to disgrace the Lyons single birth : to which this answere doth reioyne : I bring forth one , and yet that one is a Lyon : Which good allusion may remoue the curse which some would cast vpon Nobility , because often their children in number be inferiour to common prostitutes : But I am well resolued , that the multitude of children reares vp an obscure family , and bringes an ancient stocke to ruine : For among many base childrens blessings , birth may make variety of fortunes : But among much Noble posterity , Fortune doth challenge a more vaste partition ; and makes a discontented Heire fit for all innouating purposes ; So that one Noble remainder of much antiquity , or one true Lyon of a family ( if Art and Nature can be made operatiue ) will be a more safe prop to succession , then the doubtfull variety of children . Men obserue it as an infallible rule , that there haue been as many base originals , as there haue beene honorable descents . For , as questionlesse the largest Riuers bee deriued from lowely Springs ; So birth and succession haue beene so basely intermingled , so casually interrupted so frequently impaired , and very often attainted ( though with absolution ) that I may well iustifie the first principle , and adde further : That generally , to maintain the noble estate of dead Ancestors , requires as much true policy , as to erect a new Family . For men may clime better by troublesome , rough , and dangerous passages , then stand tottering vpon the eminent spi●…e . But to exceed the patterne of heroicke Ancestry , deserues perpetuall commendations . Which purpose cannot prosper well , except they preuent or auoide oppositions : They hauing been the ouer-throw of Kingdomes , and flourishing Captaines ; because prosperity is waspish , and brooks no competition , nor almost assistance . The * * Plutarch . Historian therefore saith well : None more deafe to counsell then natures vnthwarted : None more obtemperate to bee counselled , then men destitute . As for that ambitious extasie , which makes men indirectly consult of new addition ; the Fable doth condemne it wisely : For like Esops Dog , they snatch at shadowes , and loose the certainty , who dote vpon such couetous desires . Ambition being like Amilcars dreame : Who at Valerius 〈◊〉 . the seige of Siracusa was by a Dreame perswaded that hee should supp that night in Siracusa : which hee interpreting on victories behalfe , would not remoue the seige : At length by an excursion hee was taken prisoner : which verified his dreame : For he did sup in Siracusa but , as a captiue : Ambition also makes men dreame they shall be safely guarded in their proiects : But they then little dreaming to be guarded otherwise than Princes : doe verifie their dreames by being safely guarded as prisoners . Or Ambition is like the Phrigian Riuer historified by Fenestella : Fenest : lib: de Sacer : Rom●…e : 1●… . Which water procured Frenzy as desertlesse longing after glory begetts a sencelesse dotage .

Presumption also , and Popularitie , be two treacherous confederates : The first was neuer good when a Kings fauour was the obiect : so long as Mines & Countermines haue beene the Court-deuises . The last will neuer be good : So long as people doe but conduct their fauorites to the Scaffold , and cry Alas , it is pitty : but who can helpe it ? The first cannot thriue , because offences with Kinges out-weigh merits : Then how distracted a thing is it , to preserue aduancement ? security , destroyes men sleeping , while they deserue no punishment , but onely because no reward : And pollicy destroyes men waking : It doth consume our liues in iealousies and multitude of feares : which threaten the most pollitick & highly fauoured . Popularity is likewise mortall , because it breeds a surfet of one dish : nothing but Fame : serued in ( like Turkish Rice ) by infinite wayters . And shall wee wonder if it choakes him , when hee deuoures all ▪ Besides , history hath tolde vs that there is eminent Tacius . danger in the refusall of a Crowne : Meaning ( as I conceiue it ) that States-men may bee thought too much worthy ? and that there is danger in being thought worthy of a Kingdome where others haue more tytle . The best loue therfore that can be bestowed vpon the people , or the best friendship that you can receiue from them , is to suffer them in thinges indifferent , or not to shew a currish seuerity : For ( like the Hungarian Heyducks ) their wrath is prone to mischief , & their amity is worth nothing in a time of peace : so that indeed to flatter with them & not regard them , is a sound proposition : For if Coriolanus contemnes their authority , they can abhor his name , & banish his person : or at least banish him from preuailing in publike assistance . My rule for popularity , is , that according to the constitution of the party so affected , it may be nourishment or poyson : If hee be sound in his affections meaning Gods honour ; applause & popularity conuerts to his encouragement : If ambitious or selfe-pleasing , it turns to a most harmefull dotage . The safest course ( that I can be acquainted with ) to confirme and preserue dignities with good approuall ; is to bee immutable , honest , and no reported Polititian : For the very name containes ( among generall conceits ) much powder-treason , Atheisme , curses of inferiors , and condemnations of all , except their close minions . An other thing that doth breifely replenish a noble Spirit must be more example , dispatch or quicke perfect motion , then precepts or doctrines : These being the frequent obiect , of painfull Artists , the other being a Rhetoricall inducement to establish the delight of action : In which nothing drawes greater efficacie , then speedinesse and fortunate euent ; though both these relie much vpon a contriuing faculty , which is begotten by a frequent practise . And therefore it betokens a sluggish feare , and priuate weakenes , when we are loath to enterprise : For a couragious minde gets perfection through quick desire , aboue many mens longer custome : but when appetite failes I perceiue no stomack of Nobility . It may seeme somewhat conrrouersiall , whether state-knowledge , or militant resolutions be more gracefull to generositie ; And questionlesse , I conceiue few Romane Senators , or not any ( except Cicero ) were vnsufficient to lead an Army , as well as to deliuer an opinion in the Councell-chamber : both be so vnseparably annexed , as we may hardly thinke he aduises the Common-wealth louingly , who is afraid to iustifie the Common-wealths quarrell ; when himselfe adiudges it lawfull . The pompe or magnificence of mighty persons , may now become a festiuall day better then common policy : for this age doth not so soone conclude the royall minde , as the fantasticke humour , by expence of needlesse brauery ; accompting that rather magnificence , when we expend our owne about the Kingdomes glory : which by reflexe produces an apparant loue , and feare toward such actiue spirits . For all men reuerence him truely , who is impartiall , and industrious to aduance equitie , or to confirme goodnesse with goodnesse among all . And howsoeuer the full stomacks of men will hardly suffer them to commend such worthy ones aliue ; yet haue their deaths been alwaies deplorable . wheras polliticke braines with false bottomes , haue found a publique curse , which was before restrained with authority . Tacitus giues an excellent praecept touching the report of Princes liues when they be dead ; and saith they raild vpon their Emperour Vitellius being dead , whom being aliue they flattred : and yet presently he doth annex ; The bountie and plaine meaning of Vitellius were his ruine : Both which may seeme a riddle : for bounty & honest meaning be two preseruatiues for honour : But then he giues a most lawfull reason , because they were not handled with discretion . In a word good ornaments accomplish great persons : and good ornaments are as a sweet oyntment : now if oyntments be powred vpon the feet , the sauour goes vpward into the nostrill ( as Diogines noted ) but being rubbed vpon our head the vapour vanishes : and so it often falls out that fruites of knowledge ascend vpwardes from men of base condition to the nostrills of Princes : wheras the sauour & profit of their own studies dies before them : but oyntment powred and not rubbed vpon ou●… head runs downe about the garments ; and plenty of knowledge in great per-persons imparts it selfe to others . I dare not become an Instructo ; it appertaines to found Professours : Neither can I reproue ; it may incurre the name of Malapert . I labour onely , to proue by a perswading reason ; Plutarch in vita A●… at v●… labor et industria 〈◊〉 culpam , &c. which is nothing burbare counsell . As for Nobility , if it beare the name of Legitimate , it will beare a contempt also ( with Agesilaus ) to be reproued , when paines may happily discharge their function . Neither at any time shall high births aspire to hazardous downfalls , if they ●…heophrastus . esteeme honor as the reward of v●…rtue , no vertue in it selfe . And vertue to men truly Noble is most welcome when it is most difficult ; not where necessitie doth make a vertue , but where they can doe otherwise and will not : for I account it a signe much nobler when we neglect vertue because we are compelled , and haue not licence to meet disaduantage ; then if we feare some greater disaduantage By not being vertuous , and ●…o by a compulsion proue vertuous : As I account him a more vertuously sublimed spirit , who hauing little meanes and poore estate exceeds his compasse , only for this reason , because he cannot be abstinent in aboundance , then him who fearing pouerty , discredit or il-name affecteth parsimony . For I suppose it a more safe position to say ; I cannot be the greatest and therefore wil be nothing vertuous , then , I will be a little vertuous in action , but will haue vertuous meaning .

Of Disinheritance . Essay . VI.

IT is more impossible for an vnnatural Father to bee a true friend , then for an abused sonne , to be an obedient sonne : because I think it is a sound precept ; That hee whose disposition findes a soone-moued contrariety betwixt himselfe and his vndoubted children , must ( of necessity ) bee a man who refuses all men , except aduantage pleades for them ; Seeing he neglects those , for whom nature pleades , if aduantage be absent . The same may be inferred concerning all degenerate kinsfolke , though in a lesse degree . But for the first I haue obserued it generally ; that hee who was apt for Disinheritance , hath been a man alwayes of as many affections , as there be faces : And as prompt to refuse any , as to receiue any , if hee might saue by the bargain . Howsoeuer sub●…ects be now growne so tyrannicall , that where pretences may accomplish their malice , they cannot thinke there is a God , or , at least , they thinke God fauours their proceedings . For calumnious pretences , and aggrauated trifles haue been the common glosse of Parents cruelty in this kinde : Their president is vulgar : for tyrants neuer slew without state-Alchimy , or multiplication of pretended treasons : neither may Alexander lack occasion , so long as he had a meaning to kill 〈◊〉 . The hungry Woolfe may call the Lambe his debtor , but a good stomack is the day of payment , and the Prouerbe is well verified : * * Facile est invenire baculum quo cedas canem . If thou wouldst beate a Dog heere is a staffe . So that although churlish Parents pretend iust causes of disinheritance , yet these are quickly found , soone allowed , and as soone amplyfied . From whence you may gather , that no sparke of naturall affection but onely a compulsiue maintenance , keeps the reference betwixt such Parents , and such children . For louing nature and affection be tractable , of long forbearance , much pitty , manifest care ; and keep an establisht forme of affability , with which friendes or kinsfolk be vnacquainted : This prouokes an eminent reflexe of loue ; whereas rough carriage begets loue in Curres , but a conremptible scorne in Noble Spirits . In a milk-white table , one blot is more visible , then forty in a browne paper : And in a continued louing vsage , one reproofe is more preuaileable then fifty in a vsuall crabbednes . For common noyses go not beyond our eares ; but a sudden clamor startles the whole man . It is therefore more commendable to follow the extreame of vertue abounding , then defectiue : The first partakes with mediocritie in the nature : but the last is altogether opposite . We may then more safely allow indulgence , then austerity : because it approcheth neerer to true loue . For though indulgence hath made children lofty in behauiour towardes others , yet ( I obserue ) it breeds a true and vndiuorced affection towards the originall cause . It is therefore an excellent rule , for children , to bee any way restrain'd without the Parents knowledge , or at least their taking notice : wherby Nature cannot grudge against Nature , nor yet want reprehension For howsoeuer Marcus Cato said well : That hee had rather be vnrewarded for doing wel , then vnpunished for offences : Yet we haue naturally a secret spleene against the Iudge , though wee account him righteous and impartiall . It must be expected then , that children doe knowe a difference betwixt Fathers and Maisters ; which makes them the more implacable , when they see Nature impartiall . From hence Sertorius , a politicke Captaine , would not himselfe represse the disobedience of his Souldiers ; least , howsoeuer they deserued ill , yet his correction might take away their louing duty : Which respect made him suffer the enemyes incursions , rather to scourge their insolence , whilst they , out of a hare-brained lunacie desire battaile . And thus the sacred decree of Correction may bee kept vnuiolate , and the loue of children vnblemished . For I am vnanswerably perswaded , that Parents wrath diminisheth the childes loue , making him seruile or else refractory to the doctrine of themselues & others ; because they cannot vndertake with delight , so long as frownes and feare be crept into their fancy . But affable Parents beget truely affectionate Children , who may endure another mans reproofe to mittigate the name of Cockney , and yet louingly adore the Father because hee was alwayes louing . So then the Fathers diligent loue , and a Tutors modest instruction , may make a seldome-seene Heire affect his Fathers life without hypocrisie , and proue a venerable wise man . Without which loue apparant , or oftentimes indulgence , I see an eldest sonne , in stead of the Fathers blessing , render backe sweating curses . I see another inclining onely to the mother ; and a third , slippe into the disinherited Fortune .

The comaedian therefore saith Terentius . In ●…aeauton . well touching a fathers dutie : I ouer-passe expences , I call not euery thing to a strict account ; and that which other sonnes labour to keepe secret , I doe not bitterly condemne in mine , least many things should ●…ee concealed ; for hee that ( through a ●…ugged vsage ) depriues his father ( by false excuses ) of a youthfull error , will soone deceiue others . Indeede mistrust makes children disobedient : for I doe make it a most equall question ; whether more men haue deceiued others because they haue beene distrusted ; or whether more men haue distrusted others because they haue beene deceiued ? It is more auailable then , to gouerne by liberalitie , not base compulsion : for he that thus becomes obedient , expects onely till he may wan●… the witnesse of his actions . But the comicall Poet saith truly ; Patres aequum esse censent nos iam iam a puerisillico nasci senes . Now for the danger arising by parents vnkindenesse ( it hauing beene propounded , that want of loue breedes disinheritance ) I will demonstrate , first how horrible , second vnlaw●…ull , and third impossible , disinheritance may be well accounted . The diuorce of mariage is a weighty case , much forbidden , much controuerted ; because mariage it selfe is made a strict vnion ; so farre , as Husbands seeme incorporate with their Wiues , being both to bee taken as one flesh . But this vnion admits many exceptions ; neither may any thinke their being made one , extends further , then the rhetoricall aggrauation of vnitie ; to insinuate how difficult a thing Diuorce will be betwixt two , so narrowly vnited : but children haue a more exquisite property of indiuorceable ; because they really partake with parents by existence : deriuing a particular & true strength of body from the parents body . And therfore it seemes the matter of disinheritance is a thing so odious , as ( being held improbable to be acted among the Iewes , or any Nation ) no Law of Scripture contradicts it . Indeed rebellious sonnes are by the verdict of Diuine iniunction , to suffer death , if they shall strike the parents , or rise vp against them : But for the matter of Disinheritance ( which farre transcends the punishment of death ) I haue read no sillable that may giue the tolleration of Diuinity . Death indeed , comparatiuely respected , may be thoght the best wages of a rebellious son : for the act includes his full sentence ; because to smite his parent , is to seek the destruction of his efficient cause : which act keeps within it so much ingratitude , as heauenly Iustice can do no lesse then remoue him who seeks to remoue his begetter ; it being an inseperable part of holinesse , to pay offenders with their own coyne . But disinheritance so much exceeds death , as it approches to a continued torment . Death is so far from misery , where men expiate offences , as it affoords felicity ▪ because it giues a present satisfaction , and a present hope to enioy a good portion ; if penitence , and a satisfactorie minde be companions . But disinheritance , or abdication , doth not onely enforce death , but makes the circumstance tyrannicall .

A violent death is but an abridgement of nature ; but disinheritance doth often bring a violent death , and enlarge the wickednesse of nature . I see no difference betwixt them in the conclusion : for death is an effect commonly of disinheritance ; but no death more excludes all humanitie . the case is palpable . I giue directions to a traueller : he arrogantly contemnes my counsell ; which doth so much prouoke me , as ( to amend the matter ) I draw him by compulsion to an apparant ambush ; in which , after many sustained a buses , horrible vexations , and desperate encounters , hee concludes his life with infamie ; or perhaps blasphemy . So , currish and cruell parents , by disinheritance deale euery way answerable to this similitude . The horror of which Athisme is the more amplified , by so much as naturall affinitie claimes a more humane president then strangers . Banishment or abiuration is tolerable : for it takes originall by publicke decree , superior counsell , and authority of those , from whom I can chalenge nothing but iustice : whereas disinheritance , a Nationall banishment ( transcending forraine exile in the Cause and Manner ) proceeds from priuate occurrences , that cannot reach so high an affliction ; because the nature of it is equall to , nay aboue , publicke iustice . Our law hath prouidently dislik'd the dealing : for it appeares by Glanuile chiefe iustice in the raigne of Henry the Second , Lib. 7. Cap. 2. fol. 44. That if a man had lands descended to him , and ( hauing many sonnes ) desired to bestowe some portion of it on some of the younger ; this could not be accomplished without his elder sons agreement : only for this reason , saith Glanutle , that the ●…ather ( who did oftentimes most doa●…e vpon the you●…ger sons ) should not disinherit his eldest . Now it may well be esteemed inhumane , when parents punish with rigor , where the Lawe condemnes not , because in euery offence highly punishable , the Law is open : if that condemnes , the Parents loue may a little bee excused , though he doth not excuse his sonnes accu●…ation ; but where himselfe exceedes the Lawes rigor , when the Law is silent , and becomes Accuser , Iudge , and Executioner , wee may discouer a damnable flintie heart ; apt enough for massacre ; seeing he first playes the tyrant with his owne image .

Parents therefore cannot argue and say ( except Disinheritance ) they haue no remedie for disobedience ; seeing there is no crime that may deserue so great satisfaction , but the Law is all-sufficient to render Iustice and saue them vnpreiudiced in the aspersion of Vnnaturall : which title Disinheritance , draws with it inseperate . For if we take a view of those impulsiue causes which breed occasion ; we shall perceiue how accessary Parents be to all their childrens vices ; and by the consequent , how culpable they are to punish that so strictly , of which themselues be Authors . Shall the best man liuing suppose himselfe an author of things simply good , though in the strength of wisdome , religion and thoughts , rectified , he doth performe them ? And shall wee not then say , that , a Father is the impotent cause of error , when hee cannot perform a worke of goodnes in his own-begotten , or why shal any man expect things differing from his end ? and by the consequent , why shall any man expect vertuous children ? for if the wisest & religious man could be examin'd , I know he would confesse , that either Lust or a vain-glory , or both together haue inter-mixt themselues with his most pious end of generation : so that if children haue any goodnes , they cannot thanke their parents as the authors : But if they doe abound with mischiefe they may thanke their parents chiefly . Is it not therefore a strict dealing when parents will not recompence an iniury , by a forgiuenes of that corruption which they themselues imparted ? Setting aside the position which makes Children participate with Parents in vices liable to constitution , we may ( without these ) demonstrate , how guilty they are of each notorious crime in Children , through a pouertye of rectified education . ●…or as , in naturall productions , nothing is so absurd , from which Art cannot extract a deer quintessence ; so among naturall men , and the conditions of humanitie , nothing is so irregular , from which elaborate and true instructiue methode cannot produce a Divine excellence . Indeed the disquisition of natures is difficult and much politicke labour belongs to the true si●…ting of a peruerse disposition . But questionlesse , the worst natured among all bad men , are , by a true seasoning of minoritie , a wise progresse , or institution of ripe yeares , and an alluring motiue of practises well commended ; they are capable of goodnesse , subdued in mischiefe , and apprehensiue in a sufficient measure . So that we must not ignorantly impute the curse of Children to a wrong cause , seeing it is either the curse of the Parents ; not to instruct children at all ; not sufficiently ; or not in the true manner . Examples are infinite : Alc●…hiades may include all . He , a voluptuous and sensuall Swaggerer , could neuer be reclaimed by many strong experiments ; till comming by chance to the Philosophicall Lecture of Socrates , he was sodainely conuerted : such a sympathie there was betwixt this Philosophers doctrine , and the Disciples attention ; whereas twenty others might perhappes haue beene frustrate in the same conuersion , though their Precepts had beene equall , because there is an invisible concordance to make them aequiualent .

Which manner of instruction , respecting the quality and person , of method and Tutors , be matters onely appertaining to the Parents charge . Now ( if a curse imposed vpon them , be a hinderance to them both , whereby they neither can be prouided of true Instructors or instructions ) Shall we accuse the Childe as an Author of the Fathers curse , or the Fathers curse now being , as an originall of the childes future inconveniences ?

This being concluded , we may well inferre , concerning disinheritance , that parents cur'ses bee the onely causes which prouoke it ( seeing they might sometimes , but doe not , and doe not sometimes because they cannot , ingraft goodnes , by their owne ignorance ) and being so they resemble Heliogabalus , who hauing procured his friends drunkennes , would cast the miserable wretches among tame Beares and Lyons , to terrifie them when they awaked . But herein they differ : hee was the voluntary cause of his Friends ; Parents , the vnaduised cause of their Childrens error : In stead of which mitigation , hee threw his friends among tame Beares & Lyons : Parents , by disinheritance , throw their issue amongst rampant Wolues . For besides the perplexed infamy , and sorrowfull perturbations of such excluded Cast-awayes , what shall wee coniecture touching their desperate resolution ? Or how shall wee condemn , if they bee suddenly ouerthrowne by the full necessity of destruction ? Seeing their destitute fortune inuites them to imbrace each glistering temptation , and to shake handes with calamity . I cannot ( for mine own part ) comprehend all this without remembrance and pitty of such Parents rnines ; seeing they cannot discharge all , before children haue incurred destruction without them . Nothing is written which doth not amplifie our instruction ( saith Diuinity ) & nothing amongst all is more effectuall then true Obseruations , except Diuinity . Most ingeneous therefore and full of perswasion , may that Morality bee , soone collected from insensible creatures : They haue an excellent and singular loue ( each creature in his kinde ) to nourish vp their weake little ones . The hunted Lyonesse dryues her whelpes before . The pregnant Beare forsakes not her den vntil she be deliuered ; neither doe the whelpes come forth vntill they can escape danger . The Snake swallowes her young , if any disaduantage happens . And aboue all , most admirable is natures ingenuity , touching that forraine creature , called Su ; which ( being persecuted ) shuts vpp her Cubbes in a depending scrip , & so protects them from the Huntsman . The multitude of examples would bee tedious . ●…riefly therfore , it is an obserued note among them ; they neuer forsake their infantry till it be able euery way like themselues ) to preuent mischiefe . This may rebuke all hasty-minded Parents , who ( notwithstanding the discursiue light of reason ) can cast off meere Humanity , and goe beneath a brutish goodnes of Nature , not onely to forsake , but to abhorre their issue ; and leaue them destitute , before they bee any way enabled to su staine nature . For children bee indeed thus reiected euer , because they be vnable . Might it be so imagined , that our posterity ( like beastial generation ) could , when they bee at full growth , require no houses but the vaile of Heauen ; no nourishment but the next pasture ; no cloathing but the Robes of nature , no supportation against misery , but instinct , & dulnesse , then Parents might forsake and proue vnblameable : But excellency and sweet composure , demaund in vs a more respected fortune . Omitting these indifferent allegations , which some may account Sophistry , rather then sound precept , because they beleeue nothing but what Scripture makes apparant ; nor that can be accepted among them , vnlesse no Christian contradicts it ; neither can that which all acknowledge , win oftentimes any more then weake beleefe : It shall bee therefore sufficient to confute this error in question , by the soundest proofe , and then the vnbeliefe of Humorists will serue to multiply their condemnations .

Wee cannot ( where things be left vntouched in Scripture ) assume a safer patterne then the most absolute quallities of our Maker . First then , that Metaphoricall affinitie , of Father and Son , which himselfe hath pleased to entertaine betwixt Himselfe and his Elected , may serue to instruct Parents ( without question ) in all degrees of duty , and inseparate relation .

Now all agree vpon this principle , that whomsoeuer God hath once loued , him hee hath loued * * 〈◊〉 de libe●…tate he m●… : pag●… 415. 〈◊〉 quando semell access●… runt ad 〈◊〉 Sanctorum d●…ficere 〈◊〉 dem aliqu●… do poss●…nsed 〈◊〉 totaliter & sin a ●…er . 〈◊〉 meas nemo ●…cte manu me●… . Ioh. 10 28. euerlastingly . It is impossible therefore , if at any time there hath been Amity bttwixt Father and Sonne , that this ( being obserued ) it should fal away to disinheritance . For if Gods Maiestie descend so lowe , as to continue his loue alwaies where He hath begun to Loue : shall not imitation hereof be requisite in fathers , who bee commanded to loue their children , and in whom nature exacts more proportion , then in the least degree can be imagined betwixt holinesse and fr●…ilty ? each circumstance appeares so manifest , as I knowe not how Sophisters can colourably distinguish . A second instance may confirme this president . God neuer hath forsaken the most wicked Reprobates , till they haue voluntarily forsaken him first : The prodigall demanded his portion , left his father , and yet the father willingly accepts him being conuerted . This becomes farre opposite to the practise of our age : so violent is the humor of disinheriting parents , as they forget common charity , & refuse loue with an extreame scorne of reconcilement . As for the pretended causes which commonly prouoke parents , I cannot any way cuniecture , that they be either halfe so infinite , or in the least degree so terrible , as those with which all parents prouoke Omnipotence & therfore I cannot well see how such fathers can claime the petition of forgiuenesse , when they cannot forgiue their own issue . The heire of a Kingdome entitles himselfe not more iustly to his Crowne , then eldest sons do to their homely inheritance . Now I obserue , that whersoeuer hath beene a succeeding gouerment , there , weake-braind , ryotous , tyrannicall , and lewd Princes , haue been admitted to their dignities without contradiction . And doth not the bloud of common heires answere to a Kings priuiledge , in the Title of Legitimate ? Why then shall wee not be prouoked with such iniustice ? If children should receiue no more then they deserue : or if they should claime loues respect , no longer then merits make a full proportion ; how should the liberality of parents , and the prerogatiue of children , appeare ? or what obedience may Fathers aske from such Children , more then from good Apprentices ? 〈◊〉 could intombe his Mares , when they purchased credite in the swift races of Olimpiades . Xanthippus could bewaile his dogges death which had followed his Maister from Calamina . Alexander could erect a Citty in the honor of Bucephalus , when he had been long defended by him in many battailes . The Asse may well ( among the Heathen ) be adorned with Lillies , Violets , and Garlands ; when their Goddesse , Vesta , by an Asses voyce , a●…oyded the rape of Priapus . If merits therefore should onely challenge the loue of parents , nothing might make a difference betwixt sons and bond slaues : Seeing bare Humanitye , and the Lawe of Nations hath accounted the honours of One worthy to bee honoured , nothing but equall and necessarie thankes . Nay , in all ages , so bountifull and respectiue hath authority been to true merits , as euen the desertlesse children haue mette with dignitie to remunerate the fathers worthinesse : Thus did the Athenians bestow great wages , vpon Lysimachus , to gratisie the seruice of Ar●…stides : And thus the Romans preferred the cause of Marcus Brutus , because his Ancestors had tooke the Countries quarrell against tyrants . Shall fathers then esteeme it such a bad custome to dignifie their owne begotten issue , though desertlesse ; seeing strangers haue done this to congratulate good fathers ? Two examples there bee , ancient and moderne ( worth our memory ) that shew the practise of our Theam in question ; and affoord singular obseruation . The first is euident , in the raigne of Agis a Lacedemonian King : In whose principall Citty of Sparta , the custome had prohibited alienations that preiudice the Heire : The custome grew to bee a confirmed Law : After continuance there sell a difference betwixt one of the highest Magistrates and his eldest sonne : The father was so actually prouoked , that hee exhibites a Decree to licence Disinheritance ; the Decree was established : And afterward ( saith Plutarch ) couetousnesse became publicke : For now men had licence to de●… Families and Es●…ates , which otherwise should haue descended . From hence my obseruation is double . The prime cause of disinheritance was Fury : And then the commodity was ranke Couetousnesse . Lastly , it is apparant by the Tower-rowles , that ( during the raigne of Edward the fourth ) one Thomas Burdet an Englishman , being somewhat innocently condemned to death ( about captious tearmes ignorantly vttered ) in his way to death espied his eldest Sonne , whom ( before ) hee disinherited : Him therfore hee penitently receiued ; and hauing now confessed seriously , that he felt Gods wrath vpon him onely to punish that vnnaturall sinne , He humbly beg'd forgiuenesse of God , and of his sonne : The application of such a paenitent remorse is easie .

Hauing now marshald vp this troope of Arguments , which ( I thinke ) are approueable ; some ( questionlesse ) will account them white-liuerd souldiers , drest vp onely with a Rhetoricall habite : But censure is no lesse infinite , then oftentimes odious : Triall therefore shall discharge the integrity of these ; whilst I proceed briefly to muster one troope more , whose courage is enough animated by their aduersaries weaknes . For if the Birth-right ( which intitles an heire ) bee inseperate , then the prerogatiue is also inseperate , for Inheritance depends vpon priority , which being vnremoueable ; the benefit should remaine likewise : It being as monstrous for an Heire to bee without Inheritance , as for a Father to be without a Childe : Relations therfore be so depending , that wee may sooner affirme the Sonne and Father not to be , then Heires and Inheritance not to bee correlatiues : And by the consequent as lawfully may wee depriue both of Beeing , as we may permit the one without the other .

Of Poetry . Essay . VII .

POETRY is called the worke of * * Dictae sunt res naturales quae cunque naturae ordine fieren●… ; cum divinitus , insita vi qua subsistunt aptae sunt ad agendum vel pa●…endum : Verro lib: 1. nature : I rather think it a Diuine alacrity , entertained by the fitnesse of nature : For if ( in generall ) a cheerefull spirit partakes of a Diuine influence ; then this ( being spiritually maintained , with a desire to communicate , and expresse such quickning inuentions ) can bee no other , being the soule of alacrity , then an inuisible Diuine worke ; which doth transport nature , whilst nature meruailes at the cause . * * Aristotle . Philosophy hath diuided our soules faculty ; and makes the Intelligent part our principall essence : that cannot perish : Poetry depends on that , and a sublime fancy ; they being the helpes of our disposall : Or ( to speake truely ) a Poet vseth euery function of the soule : Depending vpon which , hee must reiect Nature ▪ For Nature perisheth , the Soule cannot . * * Omnis Apollo in vniuersa natura suam pulsat Citharam . Seal : 836. Exerc. Nature is then the Hand-maide ; but an Infusiue worthinesse , the soule of Poetry . Conceiue but this , and Nature will disclaime : Nature imparts her Faculties by Generation ; excluding study & custome : A Poet neuer is engendred so , further then a naturall Logician , therefore hee exceeds Nature . * * Poema ( vta●…t Possidonius ) est dict●…o numerosa , certa mensu●…a constans . atque prosae orationis speciem excedens : Poesis est sig●… poema , diuinarum et humana : &c. Laerti : lib: 7. de vit●… philoso : 329. The Stoicks made a difference betweene Poema and Poesis , a Poem , and Poetry : Which difference may well serue to illustate the meritorious honour of true Stage-poetry : That onele being the soule and spirit of Poesis : Other seuerall Poems , bee the limbes and weake dependants of that happy Mistris : For true representation is the spirtit of fancy ; and Fancy is the treasure of apprehension : The nimbly speedines of which , makes a Poet ; and that quicke speedinesse , is not in any Poem so much apparant , as in a dramaticke turning . Est enim Poesis significatiuum Poema , diuinarum et humanarum rerum imitationem complectens . Poesie is a significant Poem , containing an imitation of Diuine & Humane passages : Which imitation heer intended , is not in any poem so much verified , as in a naturall Play : And neuer was in any Nation ( it may bee boldly spoken ) that elegance and nature obserued in Play-composures , which is inhaerent generally to our English Writers at this day . So that we may inuert the wordes of Plautus .

— nunc nouae quae prodeunt fabulae multo sunt m●…liores quae nummi nostri :

And in Nature most equall to these writings , Poetick history approaches neerest : Consisting in the same degree of fancy ; and an inuention better furnished .

Wee may obserue a sweet concordance in this mighty Fabricke : All things are coupled with an allusiue vnion : Life , is a flash of immortality ; Sleepe , of death : Middle age of Summer : Arts also , and ages past , haue a similitude with things inferiour , and signifie things future . Language is likened to a Casket , Logicke to an Artificers Instrument , Rhetoricke to a precious Colour : And poetry likewise hath a sit resemblance with prophesie : both be an vnutterable rapture ; both bee a boundlesse large capacity : Both bee a vniuersall tractate : Both be confined within a small number : Both be discredited with false pretenders : Both be dispersed among men ( originally ) obscure : Both bee alike neglected : Both ( generally ) contemned alike . Neither could prophets at all times be furnishd to denounce ; nor can poets bee at all times furnishd to compose . Poetry is made the conueyance of amorous delights : and certainly it doth bestow much sweetnesse in apparrelling loue-accents . This only might discouer it for a supreme donatiue , seeing the musicke in Heauen is an agreement of soules . Ier●…me Sauanarola , the Monkish phylosopher , makes poetry a part of reasonable philosophy ; maintaining this , against naturall pretenders of poetry : I will not meddle with his arguments , they are elaborate and learned : The truth is euident without serious proofe .

Verse and Rime bee things naturall : for they be onely colour and appearance : But if you value the Phrase and the Materials after the same proportion , as thinking your conceit able to furnish a poem , you shall indeed perceiue it likewise naturall , that is , naked , vnpolished , nay the scorne of poetry . A quicke contriuing head may vtter laudably , but neuer was a braine so sudden , as to compose well without the president of others in the like kinde : Nay , take the most illiterate Writers , ( who propound experience and familiar allusions ) they haue a time to Meditate , to compare , to dispose . It is with poets and writers , as with Kinges and Maiestrates : princes accounted wise may liberally incroach on others wealth , and neuer bee accounted tyrants : And poets held iudicious may through lazines orignorance make vse of others witts , whilst the reserued store-house which helpes others , shall be thought an empty stable .

Quicquid delirant reges plectuntur Achiui .

This Art of poetry cannot proue eminent , vnlesse the writer hath a reioycing heart , an apprehensiue head , and a disclouded fancy . Carmina proveniunt amo deducta sereno , saith the poet :

Verses proceed from a disburthend braine .

It is impossible therfore for one deiected by calamitie , or one perplexed with questions of an other Science , to get perfection in this free knowledge : I say , perplexed with questions of another Science ; because a Poet should rather copiously discourse of all , by application to a witty purpose , rather then be exquisite in a particular Art , respecting depth of rule , or quidditie . Notions , coniectures , and some of the best passages , be more sufficient for him , then a praecise certaintie of rules . Sharpe sause procures appetite ; but sharp meats kill the stomacke . And doubtles little griefes be prouocations to reu●…ue ; whereas a multitude of disapointments , weaken Poetry : because they doe embase the spirits : now poetry is the quickest part of spirit ; and therefore soone distempred : as quicke edges are soonest blunted . He therefore who propunds excellence , must refuse the multitude of questions , and the * * Carmina secessum scribentis et otia quoe runt . Our Trist. 3. vexation of miseries : both be as clogges and fetters to that aspiring facultie . From hence I may conclude the perfection of this Science doth match the straines of right Alchymie : it being ( in both ) alike impossible to finde that man who shall directly promise to attaine perfection ; because impediments exceed the means . The nourishment of Poetry is good applause : for Poems being made to allure and bewitch the reader in a lesson of morall precept , must prosper in their meaning , or be discountenanced : As all professions be , which make mens good opinions the reward of knowledge : and therefore hath England affoorded few men accurate in historicall Poems , because opinion hath vouchsafed to ranke her painefull volumes among easie and slight labors : whereas Italians haue proued singular proficients in this kinde of inuention ; because ( saith Rosinus ) authority hath graced their elegance . So that considering our negligence of historicall Poems , it may be well obserued with Plautus , in his prologue to Casina :

Ea tempestate 〈◊〉 poetarum fuit qui nunc abierunt in communem locum The reason ( I thinke ) which hath wrought in England such a degenerate value of Poems , proceeded ( first ) from the professors ignorance & generall basenesse but secondly from the stubborn grauitie of the best readers ; who scorne to account the best Poems profitable workes , because all haue hitherto been accounted slight composures , or at best vnprofitable And we imagine it a weaknesse to recant an error . Some haue certainely contemned the worthiest labors euenthrough malicious , despaire of attempting the like worthily . As in * * Cynthia's Reuenge ●…euenge . another place I haue thus noted —

A Poets rapture , Kings haue wishd to feele , Which some despise because vncapable .

Howsoeuer , the base opinion which Poetry incurs among vs , hath been repaid with iustice : that is , the discredit of our Nation : for our vnder-valuing opinion hath depriued the publick of more iudicious workes then be already extant : And so the glory of our Nations eminent wit , hath beene eclipsed with forraigners . Indeed there bee some easie helpes for Poets which artists haue not : I haue reduced them into this number Morning , wine , beautie , health , and Musicke are

The fiue prouoking helps of Poetry .

These together be as the nourishment , not the body : for it is impossible that these should make a Poet ; but onely feed the powers of art and nature : which principally doth commend the temperature of Poetry : for as in phisicke so in this , such a food such a blood .

These helps therefore hauing a sweetned puritye , doe shew a most sweet compound in the spirit of poems which suckes their quintessence . As for the priuate and sensible benefit ( which any shall conceiue in publishing his labours ) I see none vertuous but this : he may excuse ( by them ) his silent nature ; and be accounted better , as a Melancholy Poet , then a speechlesse foole . Fame and Eminence sauour of a fruitlesse ambition ; that will now purchase nothing for Poetry by preferment , but an opinion that Poetry is his knowledge , and ( it being so ) that he is fit for nothing els : or some perhaps ; nay , the wisest , will bestowe compassion , and say , It is pitty such a pregnant wit should endeuour so idly . These bee the comforts of being famous : let Doaters bee ambitious of it . The deepest poets haue neglected verse : I meane the polished forme of verse : but I would sooner loue such workes in prose ; and heartily intreate such writers , euen for their own dispatch-sake , and the readers also , to abandon poetry , except they can avoyd that crabbed stile and forme , which weakens any readers appetite and apprehension . Nothing doth so much discouer poetry to be a thing of spirit and quicke substance , as the delight it takes to dwell in flourishing and lusty bloods ; when life and all her attributes do most prouoke nature : and therfore shell you see men , who haue tasted poetry in their youth , and feele a diminution by impediments of age laboring most commonly to renew their age : And most of all quicken nature by the meanes praemised . Whereas when poetry is in a full growth the knowne verses may be well applied : shewing it cannot be conceald : Quicquid conabor dicere versus ●…rat . And shewing that words will come alone when matter is prouided . Verbaque peouisā rem non inuita sequuntur : Words freely follow a prouided wit .

The relish of Poetry is a candied barke : an elegance so sweetned with apt phrase and illustration , as it excludes rough harshnesse , & all mysterie : controuersies and Philosophicall questions bee therefore improper arguments for a Poeticall tractate : they cannot be expressed with an inticing libertie . Similitudes be the fit interpreters of Poets : when I affirme this , I doe not approue all similitudes , but such as doe interpret : which they cannot doe , except they be more familiar then the thing interpreted . This condemnes any , who from a depth in learning , shall produce the Mathematickes , to illustrate Grammer : or shall compare things knowne by repetition to an example in Astronomy . Poore and Prodigall haue been a Poets Titles : these haue been fixt with a contemptiue meaning , but I imagine they aduance his qualitie : for therefore he neglects wealth , because he feeles within himselfe a Iewell which can redeeme his bondage in the worst calamity . Freedome of Braine and Body is a Poets musicke : A peaceable fruition doth preserue , and doth reuiue his fancie . Indeed the liberty of braine makes a Poet : and if that liberty be 〈◊〉 with crosse ●…ortunes of immediate dependance or displeasing casualties , the Poet hath no liberty , but only to respect the times occasion . When therefore a Reward is moti●…e , it makes the labour like it selfe , seruile . Poetry should therefore ( being an impartiall free science ) be vndertaken by the free ●…rosessor ; a man sufficient in estate : such a one as need not vse flattery to win reward ; nor so indite , that things may be dispatched quickly & his wants quickly furnished ; nor so dispatch , that hee may rather make things saleable , through obscoenity or scandals , then approued labour : Because while ioyfully they should int●…nd their poems , they bee too much interrupted with a remembrance of their wants , & be compelled to take a ready course : A course too ready , to be regular : And Hor●…ce himselfe hath said it .

Qui paulum a summo dis●…essit , vergit ad ▪ ●…mum .

And poems made to cherish vp the minde

Being not best are of the basest kinde .

These mischiefes follow a mercenarie hope : and therefore be mercenary 〈◊〉 odious : such ( I mean ) as are prouoked by pouerty , & will exact their wages .

Of Discontents . Essay VIII .

PLeasure and Sorrow bee the obiects of vertue : but discontents be may thought rather the obiects of pleasure . Vertue moderates the folly of pleasure and sorrow : but pleasure so moderated remoues discontents . I reckon discontents among my priuate * * Sorrow may be admitted in behalfe of publick calamities which cannot bee so well tearmed a Discontent . sorrowes●…s which amplifie my owne misfortune ; which feele the same ( perhaps ) a greater torment for my friends misery , then my owne : yes , I am better assured of my owne fortitude to contemne sorrowes , then of my friends aptnesse , to relish my counsels ; or of his owne freedome to advise himselfe : and therefore his vexation ( he being my selfe ) afflicts me more iniuriously : because I can ouercome my owne , better then His. I call those properly Discontented who are busie thoughted : who , like brainelesse patients , are almost desperate if another giues them poyson ; and yet ( being recouered ) they will aduenture to poyson themselues : for many of this ranke you shall perceiue , who hauing passed the discontents which come by others malice , will ( of their owne accord ) frame new perplexities : They will conceiue thinges otherwise then they be , and so nourish a conceite till they beleeue it reall . It is one of mans extreame ignorant follies that he wil fasten his vexation about casuall dreams , and sleepy conceits ; not meditating whether , and why he wakes . Opinion is indeed the mediate cause of discontents ; but then a rectified or false capacitie ( being an immediate cause of rectified or false opinions ) begets a true or idle discontent . I call that idle , which is begotten of an idle fancie : such idle discontents are soone expelled ; they are causelesse Melarcholy , begot by alteration , dispersed by alteration : But Melancholy , meeting with a reall cause , becomes a setled mischiefe ▪ Howsoeuer , nothing ( though most worth our discontent ) can bee said His or My discontent , vnlesse we so conceiue it . For certainly , a carelesse resolution may bee freed from conscience and discontent together : whereas perhaps a nice examining head may so ensnare it selfe with multitude of thoughts , that the confusion may prouoke both : but then a carelesse resolution serues worthily to abate such idle , and such reall discontents . For as in naturall bodies fasting and food destroy and nourish ; so in our daily proiectes , consideratiue thoughts and carelesse negligence fasten and remoue . The brayne of man is like a pocket Watch , where within little compasse you may finde great workmanship ▪ and the braines of best-witted men are a curious clocke ; which by the distemprature of one wheele , growes distempered in euery one : and indeed the most curious witts which seeke a reason for euery trifle be a distemperature , or affliction to themselues : still growing lesse like a Piramide towards the conclusion of their curiosity in searching . Eu●…lides did therfore answere w●…ll , when one would presse him in many nice questions of diuinitye ; Cetera quidem nescio , ill●…d Scio quòd dij oderunt curiosos .

Thus much I know the Gods detest a curiosity ; The best * * Plato Galen . Cicero . D. Ihom. Philosophers haue left a doubtfull number of mens perturbations , some assigne six , some fiue , some foure some eleuen . They might ( in my conceit ) be all reduced vnto a triple number : including likewise the very causes of all discontent . Imagine therefore they proceed first from iealousies of whatkind soeuer ; either in being contemned , neglected , or ambiguous of good successe : then from doubts not to be resolued , either through weaknesse of our vnderstanding , or intricacie of the question , then from an extreame desire , either of things difficult or impossible . To iealousies , and such desires , all are incident ; to doubts and questions , Schollers or Scholler ▪ like heads onely : these comprehend the summe of all our crosses : of all our sorrowes both in soule & bo●…y : Nay , all more narrowly may be reduced to a desire : For when we briefly say , He hath his hearts desire , we do withall in tend , that he is neither troubled with pleasure , griefe , feare , audacity , hope or anger : The six turbulent passions reckned by Plato . Our passions bee the first causes of our discontents : And all our passions be sutable or vnsutable to nature : The first intice , the last terrifie our wisedome : And therefore both kindes must bee dealt with wisely , but lesse hardly , because one medicine ouercomes both . Let neither good nor euill chances take vs vnprouided , and we shall be neuer afflicted : For either wee grow sluggish & careles being pleasd with good , or wholy danted being displeasd with 〈◊〉 chances ▪ Let vs therfore sometimes willingly please our selues , and ha●…ing tasted what such pleasure is , let vs returne into the common course of labour : By which meanes , pleasures will not bee ouer-pleasant and attractiue , when afterwards by occasion we shall be again tempted : And being not so effectuall with vs , wee cannot afterwards repent , or be disconsolate because wee did forget our selues . Neither will griefes be ouer grieuous , if wee be somtimes sencible of others griefe ; not by a womanish pitty ( for that softens the heart , and makes it ouer sencible , inclining to dispaire ) but by a noble pitty , which sees our owne 〈◊〉 in anothers suffrings , and makes vs worthily abhor●…e to be the cause of such suffrings : For whilst we so pitty the wrong which others haue committed , wee nourish in our selues a scorne to do the like : These excepted , the saying is true : Misereri & sapere vix dijs conceditur .

Certainly ( amongst all ) perplexed questions be to a labouring head , most troublesome : And lesse blameable was that sound * * Aristotle . Philosopher , who made the Ocean capable of him , because he was not capable of reason for the Ebbe and Flow ; rather then such as be ashamed to liue , when either needinesse , feare , ignominy , griefe , or disappointments contradict them . It is meere beastial to dye vpon such weake incounters ; which might be all confuted with a Heathens knowledge : But then to dye for ignorance may seeme excuseable : For such a life is beastial , where wee are ignorant of reason ; and better is it to bee ignorant of reason how to preuent death , then to preserue life in ignorance : Because I hold it highly monstrous , to dishonour the nice fabrick of a mans body with a brutish soule . The truth is , our discontents of any kinde doe mis-informe our iudgement ; no otherwise then a busie knaue , who ( seeing the bad luck of lawful means ) doth bribe the Maiestrate : and neuer was a Maiestrate more easily bribed , then is a iudgement ( so oppressed ) corrupted We haue no liberty to knowe , much lesse to iudge ; no reason to discourse , much lesse to put a difference no freedome to conceiue , much lesse to vnderstand , when Discontents do trouble vs . They interpose our brightest emine●…ce of wisedom no otherwise then clowdes d●…rken the Sunnes glory : They keepe a strong possession against our vertue and all good society . The most significant Title they can deserue is Treache●…ous : For they breed sensibly an inuocation , begetting in vs a preposterous change ; and that commonly proceeds from worse to worse : For being more incorporate with them and their mutations , wee challenge lesse freedome in our selues , to helpe our selues . Discontents , like an extreame disease , bee of a shifting nature : They delight continually in motion , as men vehemently sicke doe change their beds & chambers . A Discontented man does and vndoes , that hee may doe againe : thinking to loose his humor in variety , or by aduenture ( if by nothing else ) among many changes to make one goodone ▪

But this desire of change corrupts our wisedome with a sencible distraction : For sour stomacks vn-acquainted with a new foode refuse it with many raspings . So likewise our vnderstanding oppressd with new & sudden obiects , doth languish and become affrighted : being not able to digest thinges in order . We shall perceiue a threefold mischiefe which goes inseperate with discontents : For they bee ready to seduce our thoughtes our wordes , our actions : Wee mis este●…me , mis - condemne , mis ▪ attempt , through discontented passions . The reason is manifest : For Discontent being the cō●…anion of our thoughts , makes them , our wordes and actions , ruled by that ; and so become vnpleasing , like it selfe : Therefore doe Male contents vnder-value merite in their owne opinion : Therefore ( being waspish ) they detract from worthinesse , therefore they dislike or doe condemne bitterly , and therefore , likewise , doe men thus affected , vndertake more venturously than wisely . So that Salust hath obserued well touching the Character of Cattlines adhaerents , that they were Homines quos flagitium , eg●…stas , aut c●…nsciu animus exagitabat . And questionlesse , such men so inwardly bitten with their owne afflictions , can finde no leasure in themselues to keepe affinity with others . Good Soueraignes therefore , louing Parents , honest Friends , loyall Subiects , wise Maisters , haue been no Male-contents : For ( being so ) it is impossible that such a troubled Fountaine should send forth any thing but offensiue tumults . There is nothing more doth make our enimies reioyce , then a deiected spirit , and nothing more afflicts our soule then to be sensible of their reioycings ; therefore doth that experienced Prophet Dauid so often wish for a deliuerance from their triumph ; ●…o often doth hee lament their insultations . Infinite are those aduantages , which may be had against men discontented : As namely secrets may be extorted from , and treasons may be infused vnto them : It cannot otherwise bee : For griefe and sorrow sitting most heauy vpon the vitall partes , doe crush & mortifie the spirits ; which failing to conuey a nourishment to the brain , it presently growes light and spungy , fitted to sucke vpp any new matter , and to haue the old squeasd from it . And therefore hath a melan●…holy spirit some prerogatiue in thi●… respect ; be cause his time of discontent is scarce distinguished from his daily carriage ; for night is sooner visible in an open Pallace , then a smoky Cottage . I may propound of sorrowes , what Celsus doth of Cole-worts : being halfe sodden ▪ they are laxatiue ; but twise sodden , they are binding : So discontents beeing but slightly apprehended and entertained , may bee a meanes sitting to prepare the way for honest applications , and to purge security : But being suffered long to bo●…le within vs , they doe confirme their owne , and also stoppe the passage of other worse corruptions . Of Morall and awa●…ening Discontents , the wise Salomon spe●…kes , when hee resolues positiuely ; Anger is better then laughter , for by a sad looke the heart is made better : Melior est i●…a risu : quia per tristitiam vultus ▪ co●…rigitur animns delinquentis : And ( without question ) some natures may be likened to the blacke-thornes , that florish best with haile , storme , and tempest : Or to the Mackerell which cannot bee awakened and brought vpwards , but with thunder . But some Fauourites there bee , so much beholding to Fortune , that in a whole Age they haue scarce learnt the definition of sorrow . In these men the Prouerbe is verified ; F●…oles are Fortunate ; and yet agreeable with an honest meaning : For those ( I thinke ) are chiefly bound to Fortune , or Prouidence rather who cannot through a good simplicity affect dishonest practises , and close dealings : It being consonant with reason , that men ill-befriended with a subtill Braine , should be assisted with some higher Policy . All that wee suffer , is by our Owne or Fortunes worke : Wee cannot bee too patient with Fortunes , too much prouoked with our owne works of sorrow : When Fortune punisheth wee haue no remedy , when our own indiscretion punisheth , we may afflict our selues the longer with a wise fury , that we may learne to recollect and to awaken our iudgement . Some haue a resolute contempt for all aduersities ; but such a valorous scorne may bee ingendred by sottish ignorance , or an vncapable dulnesse , no otherwise then both may be a Drunkards motiues in extreme hazard . As for my selfe I neuer felt a sorrow , which I esteemed a 〈◊〉 , vnlesse it gaue no profitable vse , either by making mee more circumspect & prouident ; or acquainting mee beforehand with my destiny . The most honourable dealing with our worst afflictions , is to confute them by a discourse of Braine , and so exercise our knowledge , for our owne aduantage , against the ●…oes of Knowledge . And doubtlesse there is enough left in Nature ( if wee could apprehend ) to comfort all our troubles : when I say thus I meane enough as wel to settle and confirme a soule shak●…n with vncertaine doubts , as to redeeme a wretch laden with the worlds misery : Nay if nature affoords matter enough to confute obiections , she must needes yeeld matter also to remoue Sorrowes : For euery sorrow of what kinde soeuer , is nothing but an obiection to the minde , which mans weakenesse cannot answere : As the fortune of a Shipwrackt man obiects death of pouerty ; the fortune of a man Condemned obiects disgrace ; the Disapointed mans fortune , obiects vnlucky dealing , and so the rest : All which I purpose at my leasure to recite in method , & to conuince their bitternes : Which will vnless ▪ I be deceiued , create men 〈◊〉 to despise affliction . But in the meane time none among the worst crosses shal predominate , if sometimes in a lawfull humour wee doe crosse our selues : And so begin to learne the difficult manner of denving our le●…d inclinations : which cannot well endure a disapointment ; because they couet a sensuall fruition . If any man thinkes these medcines taedious he , may Dyogines his remedy in fewer wordes : Fortunae confidentiam , 〈◊〉 : lib: 6. 272. naturae Legem , perturbationi rationem obijce : Make Confidence resist Fortune , Law resist Nature and Reason Discontents .

Two Bookes of Characters .

The first Booke .

CHARACTER . I. An Impudent Censurer

IS the torture-monger of Wit , ready for execution before Iudgement . Nature hath dealt wisely with him in his outeside ; for it is a priuiledge against confutation , and will beget modesty in you to see him out-face : Hee is so fronted with striuing to discountenance knowledge , by the contempt of it , as you would thinke him borne to insolence , though indeed it bee habituall and comes by negligence of his company , which rather seeke to laugh an●… continue , then to reforme his v●…nity . A Chimney-sweeper may conuerse with him very safely , without the hazard of blushing : and so may any that will contemne his ignorance : Buffets will conuince him better then language or reason : That proues him ranke-bestiall , descended from the walking Apes ; which on the Mountaines seeme carefull Inhabitants , but at your approach the formality of m●…n only . The Land-theefe , and Sea-captaine , be neuer le●…e out of their way , but wi●…er commonly about their obiect : They spare to wound poore tr●…uellers but he incounters any thing not worth eye sight . Hee will seeme to cleanse Bookes of errors : but take him in his true knowledge , and hee cannot doe so much good 〈◊〉 Fellow that sweepes gutters . A wise mans minde gouernes his body his minde is onely restrained by a bodily feare : And if you hope to be released of what he dares , you must inforce him to what he dares not ; and then you shall perceiue him to be the comicall braggard , or the lingling spur . Lay aside this medicine and he is incurable , for he is so ra●…isht with his own folly , as hee often commends what he misinterprets , and still dispraises ▪ if he scorne the Author ) because hee cannot perceiue . To commend therefore and discommend what he conceiues not , is alike tolerable & equall : Neither is it to be admired ●…f he dislikes the soundest workes of a good Author : for he regardes not the workes and writings of God himselfe : if he did , he would imbrace charity , and so censure lesse . The wilde Arabian comprehends him fully : for as the one , so the other , takes tribute and exaction of all passengers , except acquaintance and familiars : if any thing makes him praise-worthy , this must , or nothing : becauses he seemes ( by this means ) morall in friendship and so in some kinde vertuous : But his applause and detraction , are both odious , because abounding through his meere pleasure : And as some ●…luttish people take pleasure in their owne excrements , and relish the pickings of their nose ; so hee , his owne opinion . When al Trades perish , he may turne Shop-keeper , and deale with Ballance : For in weights and measures none is more deceitfull . Hee ponders pithy volumes by the dram or scruple , but small errours by the pound . If he takes courage in his humour , hee haunts the Authours company , recites the worke , intends it to some third person , and after he hath damnd the thing in question , he refers himselfe to the right owner ; who , if hee be there manifest , must coniure this deuill quickely , or he will seeme honest , & giue satisfaction : but call his life in question , and he betraies his guiltinesse , which then accuses him of false dealing howsoeuer ; yes , though he hath commented rightly ; for he commends ignorantly , and discommends scandalously . So delighting in his humour , he makes his Free-hold an Inheritance : put it to the hazard , and he will compound for the title . When he misses the censure of bookes , he proues alway the most harmeles , deriding , impudent , and absurd foole in the company : and he takes it for granted still that euery conceite being his owne is most ingenious — let him adde folly and I grant him .

CHARACT: II. A Compleate ▪ Man

IS an impregnable Tower : and the more batteries he hath vndergone , the better able he is to continue immoueable The time and he are alwaies friends : for he is troubled with no more then he can well imploy ; neither is that lesse , then will euery way discharge his Office ; So he neither surfetts with I●…lenesse , nor action . Calamities , and Court-preferments doe alike moue him , but cannot remoue him : Both challenge from him a conuenient vse , no vilde indeauour , either to swell or dispaire . His religion , learning , and behauiour , hold a particular correspondence : He commands the latter , whilst himselfe and both be commanded by the first . He chuses men as good Musitians chuse their Vialls ; by sound , rather th●…n by the sight : he may well giue his affections leaue to wander ; for ( like a well-mannd Hawke ) they bee alwaies within whistling . Hee holdes it presumption to knowe , what should be looked , or thought vpon with wonder ; and therfore rather then he will exceed , he can be lesse then himselfe : accounting it more noble to immitate the friutfull bough which stoopes vnder a pretious burthen ; then applaud the tall eminence of a fruitlesse Birch-tree : knowing Humility is a fitter step to knowledge , then presumption . He seemes willingly to seeke acquaintance with vice and with temptation , meaning to allure it , til , without suspition , he may soone disrobe and disarme it : Like the Sunne which enters to the most polluted place●… , but is not any thing the more polluted . Or hauing laboured to know the strength of follie , he knowes it to be his Capti●…e . From hence proceeds his victorie , in that he can preuent mischiefe , and scorne the aduantage of base●…esse . His wit and apprehension ( like the in 〈◊〉 ayre ) will pierce through lesse cranyes then the pores of a mans bodie . His worthinesse to bee rewarded hee may conceale : But his desire to doe nobly , in a better kinde , his actions will not suffer to bee vnknowne : by which the world can iudge hee deserues , and saue him from the scandall of a Cunning Hypocrite . If merits direct him in the way to honor , they doe not leaue him in the way to honour , but are his best attendants to accompany his whole preferment : For to deserue what hee obtaines , and to deserue no more is s●…uggish ; to deserue after a thing bestowed , is duely thankefull ; But a continued merit stops accusation . He is thankfull for whatsoeuer , hee receiues by the worlds fauour : And hee neglects no profite which the time affoords , by insufficiency to discerne it or to recompence it : For what hee obserues , passeth through the forge of his wisedome , which refines it ; and the file of his practise , which confirmes it as a good patterne : So the interest exceedes the principall , and ( which exceeds all ) praiseth the Vsurer . It may seeme strange that a compleate man is a good Carpenter : but ( take my meaning as you list ) his actions are directed by the Line and Square . The name of guilt ( with him ) is vanished vnder the charme of a good conscience : Which with his eye-sight saue his taste a labour : for hee knowes what experience can teach , but is not taught by experience . Hee is faithfully his owne friend : and accepts the frienship of others for his owne ●…ake ; but imparts his owne for others . When he loues , hee loues first : from hence hee chalenges a double honour : For Loue and Priority is a two-folde merit . Hee lacks nothing to ingender happinesse ; for he can spare nothing that hee enioyes : he enioyes it so honestly and absolutely . And that hee hath already , serues to purchase new contentment . For as he liues , his capacity is enlarged , though before it were sufficient for his other faculties : they be most numerous when himselfe is nothing : for being dead , hee is thoght worthier than aliue : then he departs to his aduancement .

CHARACTER . III. A good Husband

IS the second part of a good man : hee challenges no more nor lesse from Art or Nature , then doth become his faculty , & giue comfort to his Wife ; so he doth not ( by striuing to please ) seeme low minded ; nor by ouer-valuing his properties , proue a tyrant . His behauiour and discourse promise no more then hee meanes , and may very well iustifie . Hee is not altogether to be chosen by the common weight or standard ; for his best partes are invisible . A good Wife shall know him quickly to bee worth her taking : for hee will first know her worthinesse . He is not therefore put to much trouble of being denied twise : for if hee thinkes he can preuaile amisse , preuaile too soone , or not preuaile , because hee is too good ; hee hath the modesty to refuse first : But otherwise , if opinion dares suspect , and so refuse him first , hee may account it happinesse because hee was refused so soone : hauing ( by that meanes ) escaped one who could not discer●…e him . The honor of a good wife makes him no more vnpractised in the patience of a bad , then if hee conuersed with her : so his vertues be familiar , no●… enforced . The misery of a bad wife likewise hath no more enraged him to discredit all women , them the worthinesse of a good one hath moued him to bee an Idolator : So his blessing is , not to augment his curse , or curse his blessing . The highest end of his mariage premeditated , is to resolue how he may desire it without end . Hee feeles not the absence of youth by a decay in lust ; but measures the approach of a crooked body by his entyre and straight affection . Hee neither deceiues himselfe with a foolish confidence , nor drawes a disaduantage to himselfe , by being distrustfull : For he may bee acquainted with those , to whome hee safely cannot commit his wealth , much lesse his wiues honesty , but hee neuer suspects , before he be past suspition , and euery thing be apparant . Hee hath ( notwithstanding ) no friend whom hee dares not make his deputy : But if he hath not knowledge enough , to chuse a friend that may be trusted ; hee hath no reason to trust a woman . Hee seekes rather to bee well known then commonly noted : for being known , hee cannot bee mistaken ; but othewise it is very doubtfull . A good Husband ( like the pith which runns in the mid'st of a body ) dissuces himselfe aequally to the circumference : imparting aequall care & loue to wife and children : Loue and prouidence be the two counterpanes of a good husband . He hates not her , but h●…rs ; and that with a hope to make her detest herselfe , not bee diuorced from him : For he couets rather to be daily amending her , then make a new hazard , or want resolution . Hee may dislike therefore his wiues humour ▪ and loue her in the same quantity . Hee cannot bee chosen , because a better is absent , for you may find in himselfe the practitioner and pattern . Hee cannot therfore be refused , if he bee well known : For being good , hee proues the best and being so , the best Husband .

CHARACTER . IIII. A Contented Man

IS a faire building in the bottome of a Valley : You may discerne nothing about him , vnlesse you approach neere , and nothing in him worth himselfe , vnlesse you doe proceed . There is no land like vnto his owne conscience : that makes him sowe and reape together : for actions bee ( with him ) no sooner thoughts , then they proue comforts , they be so full of Innocence . His life therfore is a continuall haruest : his countenance and conuersation promise hope ; they both smile vpon their obiect : Neither doth the end faile his purpose : for his expectation was indifferent and equall , according to the meanes . Events therefore cannot oppresse him ; for hee propounded all , before he vndertook some ; and sawe the extreamest point of danger , before hee did imbarque . He medles no further with vncertainties , then losse & lucre be alike in accident : For doubtfull thinges of moment , make men stagger , whilst hope and feare distracts them . If probable & lawfull meanes deceiue him , they cannot trouble him : for he ascribes nothing to himselfe , that is aboue him . When Gods determinations doe therfore disappoint ; he neither maruailes , nor mis-interprets . Neglected fortunes , and things past , hee leaues behinde ; they cannot keep pace with him . The necessity of thinges absent , hee measures by his meanes : but as for things impossible , hee could neuer beg in to affect them . And in the quest of future proiects , hee neuer doth transgresse the present comfort . Hee can with as much selfe-credit be a Captiue , as a promoted Courtier . Dignities may doe him honour , not entice him : Pouerty may threaten , & be peremptory , but cannot ouer-come . Riches may make his honesty more eminent , not more exquisite : He cousens the world in his behauiour ; and when hee seemes disconsolate , he is best contented . He is so far from adding malice to any , that he can praise the merits of an enimy ; without grudging . Anger and Reuenge be two turbulent passions : In him ( therefore ) the first shewes only that he can apprehend : the last , that he can iustly preuent further mischefe . So hee neither doth insult through anger ; nor satisfie his bitternesse by reuenge . Repentance , which with some proues melancholly , with him proues a delightfull assurance : for seldome doth hee lament thinges meerely vicious , so much as vertues imperfectly attemped . He vndertakes euery thing with more aduantage , then any ( but himselfe ) can imitate : for being voyd of troublesome vexation , his willing minde makes the way lesse difficult . His policie and close dealing doe not disturbe his time of pleasure , or his quiet dreames : For he can awake with as much delight in day , and sleepe with as much solace in the darke , as either his intimate purpose can awake to euery mans applause ; or he concealed to his owne safetie , and no mans detriment . Hee doth not readily incurre anothers rage ; nor doth he raile against himselfe ; for he cannot bee before hand with quarrelsome engagements ; n●…r rashly run into a manyfest error . He doth not therefore ( when all approue him ) miscall himselfe , closely , damned Hypocrite , or lewd villaine . He feeles more felicitie in this , that he can forbeare to enioy any thing , rather then let ▪ any thing enioy him ; or rather then he will enioy any thing indirectly . He is not so selfe ▪ subsisting that he scornes to borrow ; so shamelesse , that he borrowes all : nor so alone contented , that others doe not partake in his freedome : or so absolute in freedome , that he becomes not more absolute by the vse of others . He resembles the parish bells ; which keepe the same tune at Mariages and Funeralls : So a contented man obserues the same Musicke of content , either in occ●…sion of ioy or sadnes . He makes more ill meanings good , by good construction , more haplesse euents honest by a lawfull confidence , and more dangerous vndertakings easie , by a calme proceeding , then the contrary . For ( whilst he knowes Iealousie as a fearefull , eating , and distastfull vice ) hee cannot suspect without the cautions of why , whom , how , where and when . Briefly , being contented , he is content to be happy ; and being so , hee thriues best when hee thinkes best : he does more then he vndoes . He wins more often then he saues : & , like the Caspian Sea , remaines the same vnchangeable .

CHARACT. V. A good Emperour

IS the second Sauiour to Christianity , and a direct center of his peoples loue : his greatnesse extends , rather to posterity , then is confident of pedigree . He may be counselled or confirmed , but his election remaines peculiar . His obiect therefore ( to discerne ) may be infinite , or extra●…agant ; but paterns ( to imitate ) must be supernal ; for he acknowledges but one supremacy and in that remembers a succession : which makes him leaue mans precepts vnto frailty , view honor as as thing mediate , himselfe immediately next to his Creator , and doth onely know his high commission a determinable power , not know and murmure . He doth afflict ( like lightning ) neuer but when he is resisted . He lackes nothing of diuinitie , but Time in his prerogatiue , the want of which takes away eternitie : so all the honour which relates to him for Gods sake , conueighes it selfe to God for his owne . His feare doth vanish into loue or anger ; for he may embrace or conquer , but cannot submit . He preserues many whom he might destroy ; but he destroyes none whom he should preserue : for ( like a medicine ) he doth not naturally draw blood . His royall bounty is as well prompt to take with honour , as to giue with liberty . And as he can deserue nothing because on him depends euery thing : so is he not by any man to be deserued , because vnto him euery man owes his whole Inheritance . If therefore he doth forgiue where subiects doe condemne ; or chuse when multitudes abandon ; he doth but manifest his free desires , and show affinity betwixt himselfe & holines , which rayses from the d●…ng hil to the commanding fortune and from the most obscure disdaine of vulgar thoughts vnto the state of happinesse . Nay oftentimes this secret in publick offices proues true , That men without the ayd of birth , and glory of famous merit , lack only so good an entrance , but haue commonly a better ending : or at least , striue more to attaine what others presume vppon . The euent therefore makes his large prerogatiue true wisedome , which may be mis-interpreted weaknesse . The Lyon , a King of beasts , is recouered in sicknesse , by eating an Ape ; and a good King by deuouring flatterers . He is the same briefly to his kingdome , that * * Luc ▪ Florus Lib●… ●… . cap. 3. fol. 17. actum erat nisi marius ille saeculo contiguesset Marius was among the Tigurines : all perishes without him .

CHARACT: VI. A worthy Poet

IS the purest essence of a worthy Man : He is confident of nature in nothing but the forme , and an ingenious fitnesse to conceiue the matter . So he approues nature as the motiue , not the foundation or structure of his worthinesse . His workes doe every way pronounce both nourishment , delight , and admiration to the readers soule : which makes him neither rough , effeminate , nor windy : for by a sweet contemperature of Tune and Ditty , hee entices others to goodnesse ; and shewes himselfe perfect in the lesson . Hee neuer writes vpon a full stomacke , and an empty head ; or a full head , and an emptie stomacke . For he cannot make so Diuine a receptacle , stoope to the fordid folly of gal or enuy , without strength : or strength of braine stoop , and debase it selfe with hunting out the bodies succour . He is not so impartiall as to condemne euery new fashion , or taxe idle circumstance ; nor so easie as to allow vices , and account them generous humours . So he neither seekes to enlarge his credit of bitternesse , by a snarling seueritie ; nor to augment his substance by insinuating courtship . He hath more debtors in knowledge among the present Writers , then Creditors among the ancient Poets . Hee is possessed with an innocent liberty , which excludes him from the slauish labour and meanes of setting a glosse vpon fraile commodities . Whatsoeuer therfore proceeds from him , proceedes without a meaning to supply the worth , when the worke is ended ; by the addition of preparatiue verses at the beginning ; or the dispersed hire of acquaintance to extoll things indifferent : Neither does he passionatly affect high patronage , or any , further then he may giue freely ; and so receiue backe honest thankes . The dangerous name and the contempt of Poets , sprung from their multitude of corruptions , proues no disaduantage or terrour to him : for such be his antidotes that hee can walke vntouched , euen through the worst infection . And indeed that mountebanks preparing oyle which kept his hands vnscalded , was a toy of nothing to this Poets rarity of discretion , which so prepares his minde , that he can bathe it in the strains of burning lust , fury , malice , or despight , and yet be neuer scalded , or endangerd by them . He only among men is neerest infinite : For in the * * Duo apud Romanos 〈◊〉 genera , 〈◊〉〈◊〉 . Lib. 7. de legibus . 〈◊〉 , & 〈◊〉 : 〈◊〉 autem sunt dicti a greco 〈◊〉〈◊〉〈◊〉〈◊〉〈◊〉 quod significat vmb●…ā nam in vmb●…a sicbant & ing●…nij 〈◊〉 exercitaban●…ur . Rosin●… lib. 5 cap. 6. Scenicall composures , of a Tragedy or Comodie he shewes the best resemblance of his high Creator : turning his quicke passions , and witty humors to replenish and ouercome , into matter and forme as infinite , as Gods pleasure to diversifie mankinde . He is no miserable selfe-louer , nor no vnbounded prodigall : for he can communicate himselfe wisely to avoyd dull reseruednesse , but not make euery thought common , to maintaine his market . It must be imputed to his perfect eye-sight , that he can see error , and auoyde it without the hazard of a new one : As in Poems , so in proiects , by an easie coniecture . Hee cannot flatter , nor be flattered : If hee giues Desert , he giues no more ; and leaues Hyperbole in such a mater of importance : As for himselfe , he is so well knowne vnto himselfe , that neither publicke fame , nor yet his own conceite , can make him ouervalued in himselfe . Hee is an enemy to Athiests ; for he is no Fatist nor Naturalist : hee therefore excludes Lucke and Rime , from the acceptance of his Poems ; scorning to acknowledge the one as an efficient , the other as an essence , of his Muses fauour . Hee paies backe all his imitation with interest ; 〈◊〉 his Authors ( if reuiued ) would confesse their chiefe credit w●…s to be such a patterne : otherwise ( for the most part ) he proues himselfe the patterne , and the proiect in hand : Siluer onely and sound mettall comprehends his nature : rubbing , motion , land customary vsage , makes the brightnesse of both more eminent . No meruaile though he be Immortall , seeing he conuerts poyson into nourishment ; euen the worst obiects and societies to a worthy vse . When he is lastly silent ( for he cannot die ) hee findes a Monument prepared at others cost and remembrance , whilst his former actions bee a liuing Epitaph .

CHARACT: II. An honest Lawyer .

IS a precious Diamond set in pure gold , or one truly honest , and a compleate Lawyer : The one giues glory to the other ; and being diuided , they be lesse valuable . Diuinity , and corrected nature , make him habituall in the first , but studious labor , and a discursiue braine make him equall , if not absolute , in the last ▪ he knowes Law to be the Mris. of man , and yet he makes honesty the Mris of the Law . The first therforemay exceed the last ; but the last neuer hath predominance in him , without the other . He is too diuine to be tempted with feare , fauor , Minerals , or possessions ; and too diuine not to be tempted with perfect knowledge , and a pittifull complaint : he hath as much leasure to dispute with conscience , in the most busie Terme , as in the deadest Vaction : And he is alwaies more diligent to maintaine wronged pouerty , then attentiue to allow iniurious Greatnesse : he can as freely refuse a prodigall , or enforced bounty , as hee can accept or demand due recompence : He resorts , to London with a more full braine , then empty bags , and ( at his returne ) he purses vp more full comfort , then yellow coine . He cannot be so consident as to persist in error ; nor so ignorant as to erre by weaknes : When therefore ( through an aboundance ) some knowledge is confounded , his errour onely proues a doubtful question ; and serues to reduce scattred remna●…ts into method . The multitude of contentions ma●…e not him reioyce in the number , but in the difficulty ; that truth may appeare manifest to our progeny . He railes not against the vices of his profession , but makes his profession commendable by his owne practise of vertue : his Clients disease of being suspended , touches him like his owne sicknes ; hee dares not giue a dangerous purgation to dispatch him , nor by negligence and delay , let the eui●…l grow inward & incorporate , to strengthen it selfe , or consume the patient . He is therefore exquisite in preseruatiues against the consumption ; though perhaps he may faile in restoratiues ●…o support weakenesse . He may wel bee a president to the best Physitians ; for he vndertakes no cure when he perceiues it inclining to be desperate : Nay rather he is a true subiect , that feares and scornes to meddle with counterfeit peeces , further then to resolue being askd ( as Goldsmiths are ) whether they will endure the Test. So hee makes the cause , & not his Client , the obiect of his labour . If he haue fauour enough to make truth be currant , he looks no further : which he needs not to patch businesse ; nor would he willingly persue it : if truth were not often discountenanced . He doth therfore at a Iudges death lament the death of his learning not his owne priuate lucre : He can ride the circuit , and scorne to be circular . He hath no leasure to protract time or saue his Clients opinion with iests premeditated , or windy inferences : His modesty was neuer below his courage in a good cause , nor his courage inclining to impucence , though he were still honored with a prosperous euent . He owes so much worship to desert & innocence , that he can as faithfully applaud sufficient worth , as not insult ouer , or exclaime against dull ignorance . He is miraculously preserued against incantations : the strongest spell cannot charme him silent , nor the most tempting spirit prouoke him to a vaine pleading . He dares know & professe in spight of potency ; hee dares be rich and honest in despight of custome : And if he doth not grow from a good man , to a reuerend Title , hee scornes to bee a Traytor and blame tyranny which ouerslips deseuings ; but he descends below his owne vnworthinesse . Briefly , he is a precious vessell ; he indures the rest and the defiance of time : hee is a sound commodity which neuer failes the Customer : and doth hartily confesse that whosoeuer swarues from this patterne , swarues from honesty , though hee be deepely learned : Howsoeuer , he thinks a Lawyer deepely learned cannot chuse but bee honest ; except multitude of Clients oppresse him .

CHARACT. VIII . A Detractor

IS his owne priuate foe , and the worlds professed enemy : Hee is indeed an obstinate heretick , and if you will conuert him , you must a new create him likewise : hee is of the Mahametan sect which hath despised all religious Arts & Sciences , except the confusion of all : so he approues continually the worst thinges among many good , & condemnes that which is iudiciously commended : To read therfore and refuse , makes vp the best part of his iudgement . He hath an* impediment Ig●…orance . Spight . Disdame . Enuy. in his language proceeding from his heart ; which makes him that he cannot speak well of any man . His fiue sences haue a mortall combat with all obiects , that afford sence , or any thing vpon which they fasten : his eye could neuer yet behold a woman fair enough , or honest enough , on whom he might bestow the sincere part of his affection : but he marries one to beget an equall society of froward children : His eare was neuer well contented with a delicious tune , for the left is onely open , and that onely apt to conceiue discords , through a customary habit ; which hath reiected all , & therefore will : For that he once hath , and is againe minded to discredit worthinesse , giues him both reason & encouragement to continue spightfull : But ( to our comfort be it spoken ) his enuy ends commonly with himselfe , or at most , indeauors not otherwise then a nasty passenger , to rub against , and defile faire outsides , because himselfe is loathsome : hee stopps his nose if a perfume approach , but can well indure a stinking draft , or kennell , and embrace the sauour : His palate hath no relish except hee may discommend his dyet , and yet hee consumes all to the very fragments : hee touches or takes vp nothing which is not blasted by him with a naturall dislike ; or at least hee will vtter the manifest forme of discontent . You must beleeue him sick or cloy'd with sweet meats : for his iudgement being out of tast , he cannot relish . His tongue , the Herald of his imagination , is a busie Officer , and will ( without question ) challenge the same reward of him , that it doth of Women , for it dispatcheth the same seruice , and deserues therfore ( proportionably alike ) to be called the maine property of each : hee is not inferiour also to a woman in malice ; for she is that way limited to some persons , though vndeterminable in spight : but hee transcends ; accounting it his pompe to bee infinitely licentious towards all . Hee railes against the State , and speakes treasons confidently to himselfe alone , expecting an euent of his desires : Nay , sometimes hee is taken ( through the licence of his tongue , & a little sufferance of the company ) in peremptory speeches that bring to his answere : Neither will he hearken to reformation , till hee lackes his eares : Hee is not ( if a Church-man ) ashamed to quarrell , first with his Patron , and openly disclaim against the poor value of his Benefice : If , a common humorist , hee will diminish the worth likewise of a guift , before the giuers face ; & lookes to the disconueniences , not the commodity , hee getts by possession : If he commends any man ( which is a great wonder ) hee presently after will recite the speciall fauour & bounties he hath receiued by him . A slight Arithmetician may cast vp the totall summe of his Character : and by substraction ( being the body of his soule ) may finde him vnder the value of an honest man , aboue halfe in halfe : For hee lackes Charity , and so comes short of a good Christian : And therefore is an egregious coward because he scornes to iustifie , except hee railes against the dead ; thither he hastens being vnworthy to liue longer : Detractor 〈◊〉 inter 〈◊〉 blan●… nor 〈◊〉 bestias famelicas . And as Dyogenes hath long since resolued , hee is the worst among wilde beastes , none excepted .

CHARACT. IX . An Humorist

IS the scorne of Vnderstanding , the traytor to Reason , or the vanity of a better man : Bloud-letting , a good whip , honest company , or reasonable instructions might ( at the first ) recouer him . But if hee continues among laughing spirits one quarter , the disease will growe inward , and then the cure growes desperate . If his humour be heriditary , hee is more familiar with it , and makes it the principall vertue of his family : If imitation breeds a habite , he makes it the pledge of sworne brother-hood , or at least the fauour of new acquaintance : hee neuer is infected single , or with one humour onely ; for either he is now admitted to the seuerall orders ; or hee is prompt enough to subscribe generally when occasion peeps . You must not dare to discommend , or call in question , his behauiour seriously with his companions ; for though you cannot call the humor lawfull , it is sufficient if you can call it his humour . You may iustly forbeare to Restraine him ; for if hee be truely adopted , he thinkes it an especiall part to be respectlesse . Tobacco is a good whetstone for his property : hee doth seldome therefore forget to prouoke his constitution this way : and ( by being insariate ) he knowes well his humour may escape the search of reason , by vertue of the mist. He hath from his cradle bin swadled vp , with much obstinate & peremptory affectation : It being indeed commonly the character of his ripest age , to support that freely in his man-hood , which was forbidden in the spark of his minority : hee neuer slips oportunity with deliberation ; hee is therefore prompt enough to begin , and the reason of his act is enough , though onely that hee hath begun ; because humour is the motiue . There is nothing within the compasse of thought so triuiall , so absurd , and monstrous , which his vanity will not auerre to be ponderous , decent , & naturall . Neither will hee abhor to iustifie them by his owne practise , against all opposers . He trauailes vp and downe like Tom of Bedlam , vnder the title of mad Rascali , Witty Rogue , or Notable mad slaue : and these attributes bee a more effectuall oratory to applaud his humour , then a direct commendation . He will not sometimes ( vpon small discontinuance ) vouchsafe to acknowledge , or ( at least ) know , his familiar friendes , without much impertinence and Interrogatories of their name , or habitation : whilst another time , hee dares aduenture his knowledge , & salutations vpon meer aliens . Hee is very much distracted , and yet I wonder how the frenzy should bee dangerous ; for hee neuer breaks his braine about the study of reason or inuention : seeing his humor is the priuiledge of both : It is therfore sufficient for him to bee extreame melancholly , and most ignorant of the cause or obiect ; and suddenly to bee vnmeasurably frollick without prouocation : whilst he is onely beholding to a brainlesse temperature in discharge of his credit . He will conuerse freely with Seruing-men and Souldiers within 12. houres ; & presently when the ague hath once seized him , hee proues tyrannicall and insolent towards the silly vermin . He neuer brake a vow in his whole life , or brake vowes continually : for eyther they haue not suited with his varietie , to bee intended , or hee hath intended to keepe them no longer then might agree with his body which , ebbes and flowes When hee growes old , and past voyce , hee learnes forraigne languages : as if when he had dined , he would deuoure the dishes . In a word hee is a chiefe commander of new actions , but no commander of himselfe ; being in his best brauerie but a Turkish Slaue , euer subiect to desire and appetite : according to their paterne , he is himselfe to himselfe praise-worthy , or elegant ; but to worthinesse it selfe , odious .

CHARACTER . X. A weake-brain'd Gull

IS a needelesse ornament : And yet an ornament to make wiser men more accounted . Some call him a petulant neat youth ; I rather thinke him a glasse bottle in a gilded case : that is , a fayre outside with a braine easily broken . Hee takes the vpper hand of a foole , nay of a wise man also ; and in opinion is as good as a Courtier . According to Platoes definition hee is no man . Plato defined a man to be a two-legd creature , hauing broade talents without feathers ; but this aboue named gull weares feather enough to hide a Helmet . His education hath bin ( from a child ) tenderly fearefull ; and the mother remaines still afraide of his fortunes , least his politick wisedome should hazard them too farre : whilst his fortunes hazard his wisedom . He hath beene alwayes a yong Master , and yoked his eares first to insinuation , vnder some oylie tong'd seruant , or flattering Tutor . hee continues loue no longer then hee finds a fellow consenting to his vaine-glory : the dislike of which sooner then any thing makes him to be cholericke , to resolue and fight perhaps : but otherwise To know hee hath rich kindred , and to deriue a pedegree ; satisfie his Valor , Learning , proficience in Estate or credit with meere contemplation . So much indeede doth hee hang vppon the pillars of his gentrie , as it shall therefore be the first preparatiue of his acquaintance to salute , and aske What countrey-man your Father is , of what house : or hee will enquire his demesnes onely ( of some neighbour : ) and if your body be hansome , your cloathes proportionable , your parents wealthy ; he hath purchased an euerlasting friend in the beginning . A round oath is valour enough , a foolish Dittie Art enough , and good fellowshippe honesty enough . He should be bought vp in Italy ( among the butchers ) for an English Calfe : because hee carries his whole prise and value about him . The truth is , hee scornes to bee a searcher , and thinkes it enough for his Taylor to meddle with linings . But in the circumstance of making your cloathes , the price of your Beauer and silke stockins , your purpose to trauaile , or of your long absence ; The Spanish Inqnisition cannot be so vnmercifull . Hee is contented richly , nay absolutely , to be taken onely for a harmlesse man . Suppose he hath now left the vniuersitie , and bringes a little dreame of Logicke from the Colledge ; being ariued at London , hee stickes a feather in his Hat ; and it is all one as if he had fastened it in his head : for his braine , from that day foreward becomes broken . The generositie and noble carriage of ●…is discourse , is to run desperatly into the name of some couragious gallant Knight , or some 〈◊〉 in fauour : if their alliance ●…o his family can be detected he ●…iues way with an apparant re●…ish . The wisest action that euer 〈◊〉 atempted , was to spare much 〈◊〉 in discourse by fingering ●…is beard or bandstrings : and if ●…e bestowes much on Tobacco ●…e cannot be blamed much : for ●…t hath many times freed him from the discredit of a Non plus . He is very well fitted for all societies , if his outside be sutable ; further than which he neuer connersed with himselfe effectually . Nor can I wonder , though hee payes deerely , and preserues cloaths delitiously ; seeing those alone are the maintenance of his whole worth ; and therefore you shal perceiue him more furiously ●…ngaged about the rending of his doublet , or a little lace , then a magnanimous box , or a bastinado : And he will enter into a Tauerne at the foreside , though hee might goe a neerer way , onely to discouer his gold lace and scarlet . If his bands & cuffs be sun-burnt they wil not much mis-become him : for hee thinkes himselfe an vnlucky Asse , if a painted beauty doth not shine vpon him . He is ambitiously giuen to bee promoted , either by some embassage to divulge his pedigree , & learne fashions , or by entertainment of some chiefe Noble-men to discouer his bounty : But his worst ambition is to salute the next Coach or Foot-cloth : and hee thinkes verily that the prize of a florishing salutation winns more credit then his Beauer . He will hang out at the Tauerne window as commonly as the signe ; that hee may see naked brests and veluet linings passe along ; & wrap their graces in his fancy till the next Sunns-rising . Hee shifts his Familiars by the suruey of prospect , and externals ; but his directions proceed from the Prouerbe of like to like , rathet then Physiognomy . Hee is credulous & con●…ident : the lesse certainty he hath of a report , the more publicke hee is , and peremptory . Hee commits the best part of his vnderstanding to a talkati●…e Barber : with whome he is the more frequent ; because he thinks to haue a curle-pate , is to haue a visible wit . He studies a new fashion by the six months together : and reades Albertus Magnus , or Aristatles Problemes in English , with admiration . Hee would bee Phisicall , and iustly ; for not to preserue his folly in health , were to deceiue the world of his pattern : but being merry for disgestion , his laughter is exorbitant causelesse , endlesse , & like himselfe : But fooles of his owne fashion praise him , for a witty Gentleman , or a gentlemanly Fellow . His safest course will be to marry : nothing makes him so sencible as a Wife , good or bad ; till then , the further hee flies from his Caracter , hee becomes it the more naturally .

CHARACT: XI . A Ranke Obseruer

IS his owne Comoedy , and his own Audience : For whatsoeuer he frames by experience , hee applaudes by custome : But being out of his element , he is an Eele in a sand bag ; for hee , wanting the humor of his wrested obseruance , falles away into ignorant silence . Hee is arrogant in his knowledge so far , as hee ( thinks ) to study men , will excuse him from the labour of reading , and yet furnish him with absolute rarities , fit for all fashions , all discourses . He is a very promis cuous fellow ; and from thence proceeds the vice which makes him without difference , comprehend ponderous & triuiall passages vnder the same degree of value or estimation . For whatsoeuer becomes his politicke vent , becomes his vnderstanding . When hee doth therefore fill vp the vessell of his conceits , he hath regard to such things as may bee vttered with most aduantage , either of money among the Players , or reput●…tion among the general Gallants of our Cittie . He takes account of all hu mours , and through the practise of a contempt to all , he partakes in al : for he vses what he derides vnder the priuiledge of scorne , and so makes it familiar . So the largest benefite which others reape , by contemning the vice in himselfe , arises beyond his purpose or intention : for he extends to others no further then agrees with his owne greedy constitution ; meaning to credit or enrich himselfe , not amend others : by which meanes all his goodnesse is accidentall . He doth ( notwithstanding ) in some poynts resemble vertue ; but in the worst manner . For being impartiall , he playes the tyrant ; and sels the vices of his dearest friends to discouery , by playes or pamphlets , but is content that they should still reserue them to their future infamy : So he becomes sooner excluded oftentimes from society , then his flattering shifts can readily repaire . Flattery and insinuation be indeed the number of his thriuing moral vertues , through which ( vnder a pretence of faire meaning ) he takes occasion to betray the marrow of mans variety : and this affoords fuell for his bitter derision . His Table-bookes be a chiefe adiunct , and the most significant Embleme of his owne quallity , that man may beare about him : for the wiping out of olde notes giue way to new : and he likewise , to try a new disposition , will finally forsake an ancient friends loue : because hee consists of new enterprises . He makes the best he can of witty turnings ; and therfore hee spares conceits worth naming in company , to make a further benifit . If you desire to know a man of this profession ; you must a while obserue him , and he will presently shew himselfe after two meetings : for he will then talke ( as it were ) by a chatechisme of discourse : keeping a certain forme of language as if he durst not go beyond the circle . His capacity is appehensiue in a strange measure : if hee were lesse capable , he might be more commended . For hee i●…croches often vpon admittance ( where thinges be well deliuered ) to multiply his obseruation & he will verifie things , through a scandalous 〈◊〉 , as if they were now committed . If hee conuerts to a deseruing quality , hee will propound the credit of a good meaning no stipend for his vain discoueries . Till then , he must indure to be suspected , or odious , whilst hee whispers closely among free companions : Neither must he hope to amend this Age or himselfe ; because hee neuer intended the first , and the last he forgets ( though he intended it ) through vain-glory as beeing transported with this pride onely , that he hath obserued , and can obserue againe . Briefly hee resembles a foolish patient , who takes a costiue pill to loosen his body : for whilst he meanes to purge himself by obseruing other humors , he practises them by a shadow of mockage , and so becomes a more fast corruption : if he doth not therfore feele the disease , hee dies Hid●… bound .

CHARACT. XII . A simple polititian

IS a purblind Fox , that pretends machiauell should be his sire : but he proues a mungrell : he was taken from Schoole before he had learned true Latine ; and therefore in triuiall things only , he partakes with craftinesse ; because hee lacks true breeding , and true bringing vp . Hee labours commonly for opinion where hee is so well known that opinion woulde persecute him , without labour : he thinkes religion deceiues most vnsuspected and therefore hee first seemes to bee a zealous Christian. The Church is a principall parte of his deuotion ; and to be a frequent Auditor , or outwardly attentiue is a sure defence ( hee thinkes ) a gainst Capitall errour . Hee is openly kinde-hearted ; cries God forbid . Amen , Christ be his comfort . But rather then he will seeme aPuritune , with indifferent companions , hee can breake an obscene Iest , be wanton , sociable or any thing till hee conuerse with a Presitian by whome hee hopes to saue : them his eyes roule vpward , his hands are eleuated , commiserating tearmes be multiplid , with sighes innumerable : then hee rayles against the wicked , whome a little before hee heartily saluted . And after some paraphrase vppon the verse of such an Euangelist , Apostle , or Prophet , hee dismisses the Puritan , that he may laugh heartily . He is therefore much like a bookesellers shoppe on Bartholomew day at London ; the stalls of which are so adornd with bibles and prayer-bookes , that almost nothing is left within , but heathen knowledge . His minde and memorie put on the same vizard of greatnesse , which makes him so much incline to the posture of weighty labors , that he giues no attention to things openly recited , though they actually possesse him . To bee imployed therefore for a Noble-man , is ( to him ) an infinite trouble , and begets imployment with all acquaintance to discouer it : so the bare meanes to make men think hee is much entertained , costs a time equall to his occurrents . Being to bee visited ( though by sure Clients ) he hath the roome of attendance , the Art of delay , and a visage that seems pittifully interrupted . If he rides to dispatch , the horses be early sadled and brought into the foreside , that neighbours may obserue , when after fiue or six houres expectation , hee comes like one that was detained by vrgent importunacies . if the company be pleased to laugh at his inhaerent folly ; he doth by and by assure you ; giue mee a sudden iest or nothing ; some vse your printed iest , I cannot endure it . His best materials to worke vpon , bee Time , and Place ; which if they affoord circumstance to let yon vnderstand his new purchase , his new buildings , the great marriage of his Children , or entertainment of high personages , or bountie towards an Hospitall , it comes freely and fitly , if openly . When occasions trouble him a little , he loues to trouble himselfe extreamly ; and thinkes it a poynt of reaching pollicie , to reproue or amend that formally , which hath beene allowed by singular good iudgments . If hee dares ( with priuiledge of the hearers ignorance ) disparage worth in any , hee takes leaue of the occasion , and his own policie . This he takes in honour of his courtship to shew hee can be ambitious ; and build on others ruines : But this proclaymes him a starued Cannib●…ll ; who , through the famin of desert , supplies worthinesse with his owne excrement of detraction . His desire and audacitie are at open strife ; when hee would hut dares not commend himselfe , by correcting anothers facultie : then with a strained laughter , and a willing palsie in his head , hee seemes to 〈◊〉 somwhat is vnsetled ; or he makes his elbow signifie . that somthing wants his finger . His complements are at libertie his friendship lies locked vp in prison ; the key whereof he hath lost willingly . For if you call him friend before he hath wrested the aduantage of an enemy , hee leaues you destitute , but more happy then you beleeue . If hee can seeme to forget your countenance , hee intends that you must thinke him deuoted to thinges aboue you , or that his braine labours : and vppon this ground he walkes when hee neglects your salutations , or takes no notice of your person . Briefly , he is a man of this daies profit ; he respects nothing without double interest , and that by compulsion . Hee is a weake foe , a weaker friend , or the generall shadow of a wiser man .

CHARACT XIII . A Spend-thrift

IS a man eu●…r needy , neuer satisfied , but ready to borrow more then hee may be trusted with : The question of him will bee , whether his learning ( if he hath any ) doth out ballance his braine , & so becomes a burthen ; or whether both be crept into his outward sences : Certainely his Intellectuals of wit , and wisdome , may bee manifest , but are ( like the seauen Starrs ) seldome seen together ; they mutually succeed as hauing vow'd to gouerne by course : Whilst wit raignes , excesse , and ryot hath the vpper hand : But when hee recollects himselfe , he is wholy metamorphosed ; wit giues place , and his extreme of wisedom , disclaimes the smile of a merry countenance . His only ioy is to domineere , bee often saluted , & haue many Creditors : his Lordships lye among the Drawers , Tobacco-men , Brokers , and Panders : But aduersity makes him leaue company , & fal●… to house-keeping , and then his seruants be vanished into Sergeants . I dare protest Doctor Anthony will not make Aurum potabile like a Spend-thrift : The truth is , a spend-thrift can dissolue a monarchy of gold if hee had it . His onely flatterers bee Conceite & Fancy , which charge Memory the Steward , to bring no Accompts in till they be casheerd ; which cannot bee whilst Imitation is his Captaine , or Credite his Corporall . He wooes creditors , as Gentlemen a faire Sempstres : he will promise much and mean nothing : for he distributes his words as commonly do Printers . He dreams of being Lord chiefe Iustice , or at least being eminent , though hee liues dissolutely ; and hath no Saint but Fortune . He is , and euer will be a quarter behind with frugality ; in which volume he cannot bee perfect , because the book is imperfect : for hee still rendes out the beginning of his lesson ; being not able to begin a thrifty course . His Heauen vpon Earth is a faire Mistresse ; and though his means be large , yet his principall sorrow is the lacke of maintenance . Hee is scarce any part of a Christian till hee goes to Prison : and then perhaps hee enters into Religion : If he doth not , I am sure hee is dead in law and turnes Cloister-man . The misery of his sence is an old man , and his fathers life troubles him not a little : Almanackes therefore which foretell the death of Age , bee very acceptable . The hurly burly of his braine is infinite , & he scarcely knomes what hee may freely make an election of . Hee is most truly like a broken lace , or seame-rent cloake ; ready to bee taken hold of , as he walkes along , by euery ctooked naile & tenter-hook . His worst bawd is too good a nature , which makes him incident to false applauses , and carue his soule out among his familiars : hee hath multitudes of deere acquaintance , but his deerest frends are ready to stabbe him : For either those whom hee accompts so , bee men of fashion ; or those who bee indeed so , desire his death , because they see no amendment . Hee is in great request , & much enquired ; being like a dangerous booke still about to bee called in : For hee is no sooner out of one prison but he is called into another . Hee scornes to acknowledge his debts , but as things of duty , with which mechanickes are ( as he thinkes ) bound to vphold high birth and Gentry : but the end proues otherwise . His downefall therfore is not admired , because hee was euer falling ; and his bare excuse , makes experience the shadowe . Briefly , hee may seem a treacherous friend ; for hee deales dishonestly with all that challenge intrest in him ; they bee his Creditors : And yet hee deales more louingly with them , then with himselfe ; for when he paies them , he punisheth himselfe : If he cannot pay , hee is punished more then they ; and punished enough , because hee cannot pay : For then hee consumes .

CHARACT: XIIII . A Ubiquitary

IS a Iourney-man of all Trades , but no sauer because no ●…etter-vp : Hee would be an Epitome of Arts , & all things , but is indeed nothing lesse then himselfe : If an itchy Taylor gaue him not his making , hee had ( I thinke ) perpetually been vnmade : For if hee scrat●…h his head , the body cals him ; if the body , then his elbow ; if his elbow , then again the body ; if the body , then the head itches : So neuer quiet , neuer constant , still doing , still about to doe the same , remaines my dooer doing nothing . The worst of Dog-dayes was his birth-day when fleas abonnded , which ( from his cradle ) haue so bitten him , as till his death he must be tickled . The worme of giddinesse hath crept into his priuate purposes : euery houre , almost , giues him a new Being , or , at least , the purpose to bee an other thing then hee is . So that I might almost say of him as * * Locus enrin est ens , quia est aliquid alicui●…s . ; est autem non ens , q●…ia ens contin●…tur ibi . Exerc ▪ 5. 3. Scalig: Scaliger saith of Locus ; that he is Quodammodo ens , quodammodo non ens . If a Country life inuites him hee yeelds : the Court requests him , hee yeelds likewise : But then disgrace averts him to his study ; a Library is gotten : by this time loue hath struck him , & he adores the Saint : But then some play declames against this loue ; hee quickly is perswaded , & followes Poetry . Thus my vagabond of vanity is from post to pillar transported , because hee trauels without a perfect licē●…e . You shall soone discern him by his arguments and reasons ; They ( for the principalls ) flow from one fountaine of ignotance : for all his proofe depends vpon I thinke so , Euery man saith so All dislike it : His very conuersation is infectious , but neuer frustrate : for eyrher you must follow him , and that way you must looke to be a looser : or he will follow you , & then resolue that your intention thriues but badly . No obiect , no societie , season , thought , or language , comes amisse , or vnexpected : his pollicie therefore seekes to be rather frequent then effectuall ; to run about the world daily , then trauell seriously ; to see a multitude , before societie ; and gesse at much , rather then know a little . In his discourse he daunces All Trades , and flies from field to thicket , as being hunted by an Ignis fatuus . Talke of Academies and hee tels you Court-newes : search into the estate of a question , and he tels you what new booke is extant . If you discourse he still desires the conclusion ; and is attentiue rather to the sequell , then careful to vnderstand the premisses . In his behauiour he would seeme French , Italian , Spanish , or any thing , so he may seeme vn-vulgar ; accounting it barbarous not to contemne his owne nation , or the common good , because hee loues to bee more valued by seeming singularly pretious : His diuerse habit onely discouers him to be true English : and to bee weary of the place , colours his employment : To liue ( with him ) is all vanitie ; and that life alone his deerest happinesse : his death therefore may bee some-what doubtfull , because with it hee hath no Beeing .

CHARACTER . X. A Gamester

IS Fortunes Vassaile , temptations Anuile , or an * * Lidi primi omniun in venerunt ludos t●…sseras & sub Atty rege 〈◊〉〈◊〉 primo qui 〈◊〉 est eo nomine : 〈◊〉 fa men decipiehant hi popul●… in vicem Ludend●… & edendo , 〈◊〉 . 〈◊〉 . 2. 〈◊〉 . out-landish text , which may be soone transtated into cheaters English : He affects gaming from a schoole-boy ; and superstitiously fore-thinks how his minde giues him . The elements of fire , earth , and aire , be with him alike predominant ; he is inflamed with rage , melancholy with thoughts , iouiall with fortune : but hee neuer weeps in sorrow or repentance : When he looses little , you must know he looses much , for hee loues that any man should coniecture he is able : But though his lucke be infinite to win aboundance , yet can he seldome haue the lucke to purchase . If he quarrels , you may protest hee looses , and he must scramble or be b●…aton ere hee can bee quiet : if he make peace you must meet him in the winning way ; and then you might more safely swagger with him : he loues his owne aduantage well enough to be a Lawyer , but would make a most preposterous Iudge . The seauen deadly sinnes sleep in his pocket ; and hee neuer drawes money but the noise awakes them . Pride , Lechery , sloth , and Gluttony , be his Sabboth sinnes , which ( out of gettings ) he employes on Festiuals , and Sundayes . Blaspemy and murther play the Drawers with him , and bring the fearefull reckoning of his losses ; and in steed of Vsury , Theft plaies the Scriuener to furnish him with money : He can both fast , and watch , and yet is farre enough from being a true penitent : for curses following , doe discouer why the rest was intended . Let him be sunne-burnt and ill-fauourd , yet he hath this priuiledge , that if he scornes quarrelling and false Dice , he shall be thought a faire gamester . Fortune makes him her most silly States-man : shee holds him by the chinne a while , but ere he can recouer what he onely wishes , he sinkes incontinent , and worthily , for losse and gaine alike encourage him , but neuer satissie . Neither cares he to be thought an insatiable fellow : for when he hath in any mans opinion , fild his belly , his bones , are most busie . If he plaies vpon Ticket , he knowes you are but a simple fellow not able to exact , though hee resolues to pay nothing ; so he did neuer purchase , if not this way , except he borrowes ; and that extends farre enough to make him thy debtor at his own pleasure . If he be perished , his restauration is too feminine , thogh not degenerate ; for seeing he was ruind vnder the Goddesse Fortune , he may well claime the portion of a rich widdow . If neither shee , nor any shee-creature else be gratious , let him vnpittied proue a Cheater , for he thrust himselfe to exile , & went to willing bondage .

CHARACT: XVI . A Nouice

IS one still ready to aske the way , yet farre from finding it , though you doe direct him : He is indeed a simple thing of one and twenty , that dares safely be a pupill to any Tutor . Or take him naturally for a familiar kinde of Spaniell , that may be readily taken vp , and stolne away from himselfe , or his best resolutions . He is euer haunted with a blushing weakenesse , and is as willing to embrace any , as not to bee distastfull vnto any : he trusts any mans opinion before his owne , and will commit his life to him that can insinuate : you get acquaintance with him by a bare salutation ; drinke to him with a new complement , and you haue purchased his entire loue , till hee bee cheated . The name of Country-man , or ciuill carriage , vnlockes his Cabinet of intentions , till you extract the very quintessence . Good Fortunes tickle him without measure ; and he findes no reason to moderate his ioy , till he shewes the way for others to disapoint him ; and being disapointed he is quiet . He cannot chuse but be exceeding credulous , for he confutes nothing further then his eye-sight , or common sense extends . Draw him to the paradise of taking all in good part ; or teach him to apprehend the worst things well , by screwing in a meere conceit of your generosity , & he will thrust the ward-shippe of his credit , Lands , or Body , to your patronage ; So you may take reliefe , and tender Marriage though his father held not in Knights seruice . If you misdoubt he should perceiue you , or if you thinke it difficult to deceiue him ; compare his Title with his Index , or both together with his stuffe contained , and you may soone discerne him : For eyther vnexpectedly he doth betray himself , or false fire will discharge him : with much a doe , desiring to get a Mistrisse , hee proues some whores Idolater ; and he feeles naturally for the haruest of his chin before seede time . Being a little boulstred vp with sweete heresies of subtill language , and Musicall Tauernes , he suddenly beginnes ( except some charitable hand reclaimes him ) to mistake Tobacco for a precious hearbe : and oftentimes I thinke it cures his raw humour , by operation of the price , without the Physicke . You may easilie also driue him to mistake brown paper for Littletons Tenures ; canuas , and Red Herrings , for his Fathers hopp bagges and Lent prouision . I need not say hee will be valorous ; for Parasites & Gony-catchers know , he oftentimes can see he hath been cheated , & yet his modesty will not suffer him to inforce satisfaction . He is the common stocke of Roaring ▪ boyes and Sharkes , to remedy their wants : A bigg protestarion makes him ye old to any man of outside that will borrow , as soon as ten theiues with swords and pistols : So that hee is good for nothing but to blunten a Cheaters pollicy ; because he is catcht with so little paines taking . A Spiders thred will catch him : an easie charme will strip him naked . Hee will much wonder at a triuiall event , and thinkes it Witch-craft to foresee disaduantage . As for the world , Religion , or naturall causes , he can enquire of them , but difficultly beleiue reason : In the shutting vp therefore of his folly hee doth confesse the Character , & leaues it to succession .

CHARACT. XVII . An Epicure

IS the picture of Some-body , or a man of two sences : the Eye & the Palate : for his smelling property is stuffed with the vapours of a full stomacke ; his hands are the instruments of his mouth , no sences ; and the belly hath no ●…ares , but a trusse to support it : He is his owne Taylor , & thinks directly that more expences belong to the linings , then to the outside . Hee will grow frends with any man , that serues his stomacke : If he reads the fable in Aesop how the members conspir'd against the belly ; he growes empty with conceite of it ; and in reuenge ( I thinke ) makes the belly conspire against the members . He cannot stirre in businesse without a Coach , or a Litter ; and then hee is suddenly interrupted , if the clocke strikes Eleuen . Hee is ( whatsoeuer some thinke ) a good Physition for his owne body ; for hee still riseth from the Table with an appetite ; and is soone ready for another meale of dainties . If hee bee a Lawyer , the best meates will soonest corrupt his carkasse , and his conscience : for he feeds immoderately , and will doe much for a brace of Pheasants . If hee bee a Diuine , he preaches all Charity , and discommends Gentlemen extreamely , because they leaue House-keeping . He thinks his bed the best study , and therfore speakes well in the praise of stretching meditations . He accounts Cookery a delicate science , and preferres the knowledge of confectionary receipts ; to which purpose nothing passes through the throat , till he takes particular notice of the ingredients . He is troubled much to thinke , how hee may most readily shorten his life , & not perceiue the reason : Therefore hee reuolues continually , what may bee most conuenient for the taste , and hurtfull for the stomacke . He inuites himselfe to much prouender by accident of visitation ; though hee comes with a resolued policy : But hee scornes blushing , like a common smell-feast ; & vpon true reason : For modest bloud ( being clarified and pure ) cannot finde way , through inch-deepe fatt , when it is call'd to answere . Hee prouokes many solemne meetings , vnder the title of Hospitality , when hee makes himselfe ( by these meanes ) fitter for an Hospitall . Hee is contented to bestow broken meate among poore folkes , but no money : for he loues not to depart with that , in which himselfe hath been no taster . He is the noted foe of famine , and yet hee is daily imployed about the procreation of a dearth : for the value of nothing is beyond his ability , if hee hath present money , though no more then enough to discharge the present commodity ; or credite to make men trust vpon executors . Hee hath heightned the price of out-Landish-fruits , & hath purchased the generall name to our Countrey of Sweet-mouth'd English-men . Marrow-pyes , Potato-rootes , Eringoes , and a cup of Sacke bee his chiefest Restoratiues , and comfortable Phisicke : Hee makes no dinner without a second course . He is ouer ruled more by his teeth , then his appetite : For when they growe weary , he leaues feeding , & falls to drinking : which argues ( vnlesse I mistake ) a larger capacity of Stomacke then Vnderstanding . But hee doth or should tremble , to see meate stuft with Parsely ; because it represents a Coarse laid out for buriall . He keeps a high point of statelinesse in carriage ; for hee delights rather in a subtill ●…latterer , or secretary , that giues good elbowe attendance , then to heare himselfe discourse , or any who neglects to feed his humour ; either with commendations , or vailing reuerence to his high fortunes , or with licentious fables , and derisions of his opposites . If dinner bee ended , and you desire to conuerse with him , you must tarry till he be awake : for his vast chaire , a downy couch , and chiefly a fine capable seat in the Church , that may confront the Preacher , are three easie & common receptacles for his full stomack . None resembles death in sleepe so fitly , yet none makes lesse morall . For indeede his sleeps are full of stinke and rottennes ▪ and so secure , that they rather proue death it selfe , then a remembrance . It is * * Atheneus lib. 1. cap. 1. reported how Cambletes the gluttonous King of Lydia deuoured in a ●…reame his wife while she lay sleeping together in the same bed ; and finding her hand betweene his teeth when he awaked , he slew himselfe fearing dishonour : which story is intended ( I thinke ) an epicures morall : for in his idle dreaming life , he will deuour a wiues portion , & when he hath consumed all to fragments he wakens : and ( fearing discredit ) dyes vnto the world by liuing obscurely or pines away in sorrow . Briefly , being true English , hee will abhorre thirst , & hunger , because he scornes a * * Lib ▪ de 〈◊〉〈◊〉 , asserit quam - pri●…úm esse ●…il Panos & frigoris & tamis patientes . Spaniard , and his properties .

CHARACT: XVIII . A Churle

IS the superflaity of solemne behauiour : And was intended for an allay to fifty light Iouiall constitutions ; but * * Natura intendit optimum . Nature being then otherwise employed , hee was ( against her will ) made a monstrous lump of Humanity ; through the negligence of her hand-maids : good nutriment , Terrores & melancholica perturbatio , partum ter●…enum , reddit Iohan : Gassanio de g●…gant . and education : or the malice of her enemies , Sorrowes and a●…frightment . Hee is the vnsociable sonne of Saturne , that lookes strangely at the face of man , as if he were another thing then himselfe . Hee thinkes , to be familiar is to betray himselfe ; and that the world might plentifully be inhabited , by him onely , and a couple of drudges . If you be ciuill , he saith you are phantasticke ; and friendly language he termes slattery . His learning and aduise be a company of miserable prouerbs much of this making ; a foole & his money is soone parted : Wise enough to keepe his owne : store is no sore : light gaines make a heauy purse : bring not a noble to ninepence : He speakes of sparing as if he fitted himselfe to beg in a grate and pray passengers to spare their charitable almes : And hee doth readily consent to the prisoners when they beg in that language . You may offend your selfe and him , lesse , if you kill him right out , then if you discourse with him halfe an houre . No estate , no aduancement , can remoue his humour : for he doth not liue ( whilst he liues not discontented ) but sleeps , or counterfeits . He thinkes salutations were ordained to beguile , or betray ; hee loues not therefore to salute , or be saluted . He will refuse gifts , that come from reconciled foes and thinkes an iniurie can neuer be forgotten . On equall termes likewise , he is hartily vnwilling to receiue , except ( in glory ) he can ouer-value his deserts , by thinking he hath deserued tenne times more . A selfe-respect , and a disdaine of others , be his nourishing vices : So he chuses rather to loose a bargaine , then to become a debtor ; for he holds it more honour and pollicy to steale , then to be beholding . If you enquire his health , or the times newes , hee dares protest you are an impertinent , or a shallow companion . He may be called Barbarons by the same reason that * * 〈◊〉 was o called of an Arabi●… word Barbar ; which signifies to murmur , because the peoples 〈◊〉〈◊〉 a murmu●…ing to the first 〈◊〉〈◊〉 . Barbary was calld Barbarie : for hee doth alwaies murmur . Other mens triumph is his sorrow , other mens sorrow his triumph : for in his conscience he hath reioyced neuer , if not in the mis-fortuns of some , or all . The least aduersity makes him thinke vpon a halter : and if you perswade him to patience , by remembring others crosses , or the necessity of trouble in this life , he will be worse madded with your councell then with his affliction . His councells and instructions , makes him shew , most like a Chimney set on fire ; consisting of ranke ▪ sootie choler : which doth enflame and harden whomsoeuer he deales with ; not warme nor molifie with comforts and perswasions : It is better to perish , then to craue his helpe ▪ for he limits himselfe only to negatiues . His entertainments be , a fierce dogge to bid you welcome , a currish voice to confirme it , and the way is open for a fare-well . The first two be apparant , the latter he intends : So doth he embrace acquaintance or neighbours ; but impotent people he threatens in another kinde , with Whippe , stocks , & Beadle , they onely be his familiars & defenders . His Dog , and hee , are the onely good fellowes , and his dogge proues the better man , by being more tractable . He will preuent you in a commodity , and giue more ; as also , hee dares discredit any thing , or any , not with a meaning to commend his own , but to endammage others . Hee will bee shauen all waies to the best helpe of a deformity : And though his actions will soone verifie the character , yet he will more mis-shape nature by ill-fauoured Linnen , a greasie Felt , & garments made for the purpose ; as if hee meant to discouer himselfe by the fore-head , least hee should not bee knowne quickly . Hee is vnsatisfied vpon the smallest wrong , and will rather take the lawes assignement , though a trifle , then be content with large composition : yet none doth more grumble against the Law-professors . Hee listens to the death of great Personages , as a Butchers dogge to the Oxes slaughter ; reioycing to be glutted with his entrailes , or vices , seeing hee is not bettred by his body of worth , the best food . It ●…attens him to heare a prodigalls consumption , though hee partakes nothing in the Bootie . If you fasten a guift vpon him , his thankes bee liberall ( though he doth not requite ) if hee doth not brand you with an insinuating Title : Yet in extremity of his humour hee is so farre ( as he thinkes ) from being vncharitable , as hee makes the charity of Counsell , Purse , or 〈◊〉 , things that would 〈◊〉 ●…ittle thanke for his labour : and so he practises them vnder the ranke of such things as doe not concern him : He saith therefore , Meddle with me , when I meddle with you . So that if shame prouokes his wealth to inuite strangers , hee hath no bountiful meaning , but a resolution to liue by broken meate long after : which doth not sauour well , except it bee mouldy : that , and himselfe therefore , should be spent sooner ; otherwise they grow visibly odious , but himselfe more odious then that .

CHARACT. XIX . An Athiest

IS no reasonable Man : For hee will sooner embrace a superficiall col●… 〈◊〉 in things of moment , the●… 〈◊〉 into direct causes : As for obuious & common accidents , he neuer lookes vpon them so much with reason as vpon matters of course . In all he doth desire , hee is little better then a Beast ; fore-casting onely to make a good temporall successe , & satisfie himselfe by his owne proiects : & he is therfore no reasonable man , because no religious man : For Heathens and Barbarians haue from the beginning been worshippers of somwhat . There needes no better direction to know there is a God ; then to knowe that an Atheist is Gods enemy . If thou canst seeme to bee familiar with him , & enter into the extremities of ill fortune , or begin to speake of great mens funerals , or honest mens persecutions , hee will instantly discouer what he beleiues ; being bolde enough to speake plainly ( if thou canst apprehend ) that vertue , innocence , & crafty dealing are alike rewarded : That wicked and religious men haue no difference but the Name : That wronges may lawfully ( if without danger apparant ) bee repelled with worse wronges : and that therfore it argues basenesse of spirit , to contemne any preferment of aduantage : That expectation of other , wh●…re ioy is already present , were dotage , or madnesse ; and that honesty , which exceeds common forme , is singularity . From which Arguments you may draw the conclusion . If hee reserues these precepts among strangers , his practise will verifie the pattern . Take this for a foundation , Euery Atheist is a self-pleasing Epicure though they be not conuertible . If he inclines more to Epicurisme then policy ; this watch-word will be frequent in his cups , Hoc est vivere , hoc est vivere . But you may still obserue , that hee contends to wash away all care with company , discourse & laughter , as if he knew his vsurious creditor ( a guilty conscience ) waited to expostulate with him at an aduantage . One therfore of this proportion , is more liable to the Law , but lesse dangerous to the common-wealth . Hee bringes most villany that feeles the disease inward ; and confutes his owne obiections with salacious doctrine . He liues much about the fountaine of Iniquity , and therfore he must propoud that those streames of custome be tolerable , or leaue his profession . Hee hath a naturall flourish for super-natural accidents . He turnes Diuinity into colourable inuentions of Philosophy . Hee knowes euery thing vnder the name of a naturall body : hee beleeues Nature to be an inuisible power , which intended generation for corruption , and corruption for generation . Hee distinguishes bodies into simple and compound , and makes creation a vulgar proiect obedient to the harmony of elements . Then , if hee knowes the meaning of Homogenea , & Hetrogenea , of corpus imperfecté mixtum , and perfecté mixtum , hee remaines largely satisfied . As for the causes of terrible events , hee apprehends the power of Exhalations , Meteors , Comets , & the Antiperistasis : which very names are able to forbid all further inquisition . Hee goes not therefore beyond himselfe & such as him●…elfe , for an authority : and hee esteemes it more conuenient to thinke there is a reason in nature , then to trouble his brain with finding another , when it exceeds his positions . He neuer was taken for a friend in society , neither can he bestow loue , because he cannot aduenture his person ; life being his whole faelicity . If at any time therefore he intended loue , he intended likewise a Physitian ; & him , no furtherthen agreed with his own Hum dum radicale : which must also be vnderstood , if himselfe were no Physitian . He is alwaies confident beyond reformation . Hee dies with hope be tweene his iawes , and therefore one may think him no desperate sla●…e : but such hope deceiues him , because hee hopes to liue longer . So that like a candles end burning in the socket , he goes out stinking , with delay , and many faintings .

CHARACT. XX. A Lyar

IS the falsest Diall in the Parish : whilst Memory the Sexton , who should keep language his clocke in order , lyes drunken in Security , the common A●…e house . Arithmeticke is in him a naturall vice ; or at least the difficult parts of the Science : for he can both Substract and Multiply with more ease then speake true English : He may as well be a Tradesman of any sort by his profession , as a Knight of the Post , or a man-pleaser . He should ( by his qualities ) bee a good Gamester ; for the one is iust in league with a voluntary ignorance , or an inforced knowledge , as much as the other : Hee neuer offends this way , but he offends double ; for hee cannot with credit , or knowledge of the Art Military , think it sufficient to defend with bare affirmance , and the walls of circumuention , except his cannon-othes be ready planted and discharged . Hee is not guilty of his own vice alone ; for ●…eldome doth he avouch that , which his confederate wil not iustifie : and therfore he prouides adherents for security ; but in his owne single opinion hee doth match Copernicus . His common misery is well knowne , it persecutes him with diuine Iustice , for all his truths extraordinary , winne no beleife ; because false-hoods are so frequent . He takes it for granted , that hee can grace or disgrace any man at his pleasure : & if inuention or his eloquence were able , hee could not want his purpose . It were Gods due Iustice if he should run mad ; for he deuides his meaning and his word ; and so distracts himselfe . Any ad●…antage accruing to himselfe prouokes his faculty ; though somtimes a friends loue entices him to strange aduentures . If neither the first nor second bee opportune , hee so labors onely to beget wonderfull narrations . He is ready enough to ouer-value himselfe , his friends , and his commodity : accounting it a politick straine to sett an excellent ●…aire glosse on all ; that hee may purchase the reputation of a large estate : Which seemes to argue an innocent vpright course , not fearing tyranny : But indeed he doth ( from hence ) deceiue the world and dye a beggar , through the fore-going of estimation .

Let him liue about great persons and his best discourses will be lye-blowne with tales of honour : but turne him to pasture a little into Spaine or Italy , and he will purge himselfe ( in England ) of twenty times more then he receiued . Hee ●…els no wonder without some preparatiue : as namely , he admits before-hand what may be : or he begins thus : You may thinke it is a lie : or , it will seeme strange , but I protest before God , it is very true ▪ But if he be one that maintaines Ordinaries & publick meetings in delight of new relations ; he speaks altogether vpon credible report ; and you shall be the third man partakes of the nouelty : for he hath alwaies talked with one , that was an eye-witnesse : if hee were not himselfe the agent or beholder . Sometimes he delights to be a * * Isti con●…●…dam 〈◊〉 glo●…ia vbi 〈◊〉 hai●… in T ●…oph●…r : lib: Eth●… : Cha●… : in●… o●… : qui memorat 〈◊〉 era●… ab 〈◊〉〈◊〉〈◊〉 quae 〈◊〉 vix 〈◊〉 obu●… 〈◊〉〈◊〉〈◊〉〈◊〉〈◊〉〈◊〉〈◊〉 . glorious fellow ; and then no letters be conueyd from Italy or France ; and no disgraces or aduancements bee meditated in the court without his knowledge . He may at his election be admitted into the Colledge of Iesuits : but he loues not to forsake his Country , though he boasts of travailes ; and yet he is a meere fugi●…iue . He was originally intended for a Rhetorician ; and lackes onely a little instruction : For hee is more conuersant with Tropes the●… Fi●… ; and yet the figure of repetition , is his owne naturall . Attention makes thee very much culpable in his reports : beliefe makes thee apt to erre in the same kinde . He is more confident ( if he could be vncased ) in the rare exployts of Rosac●…ere , and Delphoebo , Amadis de Gaule , or Parismus , then the most holy Text of Scripture . It is an aequall difficulty to discerne his truth and vntruth : for he is nothing but falshhood , yet contrary to falshood , and contrary to truth : hauing more conueyances then a bawdy-house , or a suspected victualler . The truth is , there is no truth in him : let him tell me , that himselfe lyes , and I will nor beleeue him . If he should striue for Antiquity , no English Generation can compare with him : And yet he needes no Herald , for he deriues his Pedigree immedatly from the deuill .

CHARACT: XXI . A Drunkard .

IS in Opinion a good fellow , in practise a liuing conduit . His vices are like Errata in the latter end of a false coppie : they point the way to vertue by setting downe the contrary . Hee is at all points armed for a Knight errant , and cald vpon for aduentures , euery way as full of hazard . This makes him enter boldly into the Lyons , or the Greene Dragons Caue ; into the White Beares iawes , the Mermaids closets , the Sunnes Palace ; nay , more , into the deuills chamber of presence . And for his Trauailes let the , Globe witnesse ; through euery corner of which , he hath or can walke at his pleasure . Freedome hee challenges , & therefore scornes to be a tedious customer , till by enforcement , hee drinkes vpon record ; otherwise he shiftes his watring place ; either to auoid his lowse the Bayliffe ▪ ; or to renew his fountaine : the last onely pleades for his commendation , because hee proceedes still from worse to better : which discommends him most , because it nourishes his facultie . The torment of his eye-sight is a frothy Tapster , or a sluggish Drawer with a deceitfull pot . The plagues of his palat be good wines , where he cannot purchase , nor be trusted : or a Tauerne well furnished , that ioynes to the prison doore : they vexe him , as a feast vexes the famished , in a strong Castle : or a Lambe the starued Foxe , when Mastiff●…s be awake . He neuer disallowes religion for putting L●…nt in the Almanacke : for Tobacco , a Rasher , and red Herrings , his instruments of relish , are at al times perhibited . There is some affinity betwixt him and a Chamelion : he ●…eeds vpon ayre ; for he doth care his word familiarly . He hath a cheape course of breake-fasts , to auoide dinners ; which at his pleasure he can spare , through morning antidotes ▪ the inquisition of these he studies , and looses by the knowledge . He indifferently concludes , & beginnes quarrels : that quality neither much blames nor praises him . Hee cannot run fast enough to proue a good Foot-man : for Ale and beere ( the heauiest element next earth ) will ouertake him . Oportunity he embraces , but in a bad sense : for he is rather studious to follow any mans calling then his owne . His nose the most innocent , beares the corruption of his other senses folly : From it may bee gathered the embleme of one falsely soandald : for it not offending , is colourably punished . It serues therefore for nothing but such an Embleme , except to proue the owners great innocence , by how much it is the greater : His eminent seeming vertues be his peculiar vices : For his casting vp expences , and his wisedome ouer ihe pot , be his vnthriftinesse and folly . Sacke and strong liquours hardens him in his custome ; according to the nature of a bricke : as if he were ambitious to be red earth , like Adam . He proues the Philosophers opinion of Man , better then any ; for he is animal calidissimum and humidissimum the hottest and the moystest creature . Hee were vtterly base , if vnable to defend his habite : you shall therefore know him by his arguments . If he inclines to Scholler-ship , they be these : First , to abandon melancholy ; For care , hee saith , kils a Cat : then to auoide mischieuous thoughts ; for hee that drinkes well , sleepes well , and hee that sleepes well thinkes no har●…e : hee may be thought a fit trauailer in difficult iournies , for he cannot misse the way ; no more then a blinde man misses a picture . His teeth be strongest , because least employed : Hence you may take the embleme of one truly miserable ; who abounds in profites , vnprofitable to himselfe . A beggar , and hee are both of one stocke , but the beggar claimes antiquity : the beggar begs that he may drink , and hath his meaning : the other drinkes that he may beg , and shall haue the true meaning shortly . In the degree of beggars it is thought he will turne Dummerer , he practises already , and is for that purpose many times taken speechlesse . If he goes out in the morning a libertine Libertinus est manumistus servus . ●…x Donati comment : Ter●…nti : or a man lately manu-misd from liquor , he returnes at night a prisoner , if he doth returne : for he cannot returne safely without his keeper : otherwise , he conuer●…s suddenly from flesh to fish , and diues into the mud , or swims in his owne water . These together may proue fasting-dayes to be his naturall season . Whilst he is waking , he purges all secrets ; least I therefore by keeping him awake longer , should erre in the same kinde , I haue now cast him into a dead sleepe .

CHARACT: XXII . A begging Scholler

IS an Artificiall vagabond : Hee tooke his first degree ( as may be imagined ) in the Vniuersity : But he neuer thinks himselfe a full Graduate ; till by Cosmographicall science , hee surueys the degrees of Longitude , and Latitude , belonging to most of our famous Cittyes in England : So hee becomes Practitioner in the Mathematicks , though hee pretends Diuinity by order of Commencement , which might bee a safe licence among diuers ; if the Statute vouchsafed not to take notice of his roguery . He hath from the first houre of his Matriculation inherited the name of Sharke , by way of a generall dependance in the Colledge : But being perhaps expulsed , or departing in a hungry humour , hee trauels with a prompt memory , in stead of other knowledge ; and aboue all things hee is wise enough for himselfe , to remember his wants . He neuer looked into Diuinity beyond the meaning of two Sermons ; and vpon those hee hath insisted so often , that he feeles no neede of another Library . He still pretends ( like some single Phisitian ) the cure of one disease , that is , the colde of Charity , and therefore ( his charitable aduise being ended ) a bill of receipt followes for the ingredients : But the disease may bee thought to grow more desperate through the mistaken cure ; because the medicine is applyed vnfitly . His helpe extends farre and neere to fugitiue Raga-muffins , vnder the signe of impotent Soldiers , or wandring Abraham-men : but his helpe proues the maintenance of their function , because it proues his owne , by occasion : For being receiued as a Secretary to the counsell of vagrants , hee conceales much idle property , in aduantage of himselfe and Country-men , not of the Common-wealth . If you would priuately know him ; you must know likewise , the iourney to his friends hath beene tediously vndertaken ; & whilst he bringes his money in question , you must know hee beggs for an answere , and so betrayes the doubt of sufficiency : Howsoeuer ( in publicke ) hee insinuates a depriuation ; by being too sufficient . Being admitted ( for Hospitality sake ) to receiue lodging ; he hath a slight of hand , or cleanly conueiance , which threaten siluer spoones ; and leaues a desperate sorrow among all the houshold Seruants , because hee departed so soone . In the space of a naturall day he seldom trauailes further then to the next Ale house ; that so by degrees he may approach to a great Market vpon the Sabaoth . He paies for what he takes continually , one way or other : For being no customer , hee cannot be trusted , except in case of necessity ; and then hee payes them experience to beware of such as he another time . Hee hath Learning to propound the Apostles president for trauailes , but conscience little enough to looke any further . If his family be not portable , it comes in the rereward , & awaits his returne to the Rende-vouze : if otherwise he be attended with neither wife , nor maid-seruant ; he makes vse of both , as he finds himselfe able : He is sometime inducted by a simple Patron , to some more simple Vicarage ; But his Tythes and Credit concluding in Haruest , he takes his flight with the Swallow : He cannot therefore thriue among the promoted begging Schollers , because he hath no continuance .

The second Booke of Characters .

CHARACTER . I. A Iaylor

IS the beggars body-lowse , which liues vpon the bloud and carcase of them which can worst spare any : Hee proceeds commonly from such a one , as could not gouern himselfe , to gouerne others imperiously : Hee cannot thinke of a place , more sutable with the safe practise of his villany : No , not among the Roarers , or the company of quack-saluers . A thiefe , and a Murtherer , bee the names which make him iron madde , whiles himself proues the more exquisite offender : And if formerly hee hath bin infamous among all , it proues felicity with him now to insult ouer some , and growes the more implacable . At his first induction , hee begins ( like all new Officers ) to reforme Methodically : Hee may very well seem a bountifull Host , for he detaines his customers whether they will or not but his bounty retireth , when he looseth aduantage . Hee is a true Alchymist : no dreamer in that science : no , not the best proficient hath thriu'd better in his proiections : He doth indeed more wisely ( by vertue of his stone-walls , without the Philosophers stone ) conuert rusty lrō into perfect siluer : He makes men beleeue , that the poore captiues shall worke in daily labour to get a liuing : whiles his coniecture is verified in their nightly labor , by working through the enclosure ; or being idle they get liuings too many . And by this meanes he makes a difference betwixt picking & stealing : for whomsoeuer he with-holds from stealing hee suffers to vse picking freely . If he perceiues an open obiect of increase , he will himselfe worke the meanes of disorder by plentifull liquor , that so a large fine may redeeme the quarrell : To which purpose he doth sophisticate his fuming Beere , to breed a skirmish the sooner : and then the dungeon is a dreadfull word , vntill a competent bribe pacifie his humor . Hee lookes as carnestly and as often vpon the palmes of hands as if hee could tell mens Fortunes : and the truth is he can giue a shroad coniecture by that speculation . Nothing makes him so merry as a harsh Mittimu●… , and a potent captiue : they come like an inscription with a fat goose against new-yeares-tide : but baile sounds a sorrowfull retrait : as if the inferiour Theife should loose a booty by composition : and yet he will take his wiues suretiship for the more extent of liberty , because he knowes her perfect in the secrets of that Alchymie . Crueltyes are deriued from himselfe into his whole family . Hee is a circumspect companion , and still dreames of an escape : and of a breaking forth he may well dreame , hauing so many putrified sores in one body : but seldome do any escape in his debt , though at their breaking out , they be a weeke behinde : for aboue one weeke he neuer trusts ; and not so long , vnlesse the former aduantage will recompence a fortnights arrerages . He hath as great a gift in changing mens dispositions as pouerty and courtship : for he can make them beg that otherwise are ashamed to begge . Briefly , he is in a manner , the Deuils huntsman , who keepes those Beagles either for castigation , because they were not cunning enough , else for amendment of the Chace . For if he sends them forth , they proue Graduates , when they escape the Gallowes . As for himselfe , you may either meet him in the midst of Carrowses among his Customers , or riding post in mellancholy , to re-imparke his wilde runnagates .

CHARACT. II. An Informer

IS a protected Cheater , or a Knaue in authoritic , licenced by authority : he sprang from the corruption of other mens dishonesty ; and meetes none so intricately vitious , but he can match the patterne : which makes him free of all Trades by the statu●…e : for this giues him a freedome to seruey all besides himselfe . He is a fellow as much beholding to his fiue senses , as to his intellectuals : he can diuersly imploy all his senses about diuerse obiects ; but commonly they are all occupied about one or two chiefly : the winding vp of a ●…acke is better then musicke to his eates in Lent : the steame of a roasted ioynt attracts his nostrils vnsatiably : the sight of a shoulder of mutton then feeds his stomacke ; but the taste and feeling of it , prouokes him to a dreadfull insultation . He is worse then an Otter-hound for a diue-dopping Ale-house-keeper : and hunts him out vnreasonably from his Element of Liquor ; and yet he may seeme reasonable honest , for he hearkens readily to a composition . But whilst he consents to saue men harmelesse ( vpon tearmes indifferent ) he makes open way for another of his coate to incroach vpon the like premises . So that he seemes to be the darling of some Welch pedigree : for he conspires with his owne profession , and makes a triumph of the least aduantage , in the very same manner . Let him be a tytle-sifter & he will examine lands as if they had committed high treason : But then he will be daunted though he weares a double night-cap in reading the due fortune of his predicessours Empson and Dudley ; except his iudgement serues him to mistake the Chronicle . The lesser Foxe workes vpon simple creatures ; and the base informer vpon poore mens fortunes . He promiseth restauration to a forbidden Ale-house with an Exchequer licence to vexe the lustices : whilst hee takes forty shillings , three pound , or vpward for a single subpoena , to defend the Liquor-man , who incurres new charges by trusting in the apparant cousenage . He takes away the relation betwixt a lawyer and his Client ; and makes it generally extend to the Clearks in Offices ; vnder whose safegard hee hath his Licence seal'd to trauaile : a foot-post & hee differ in the discharge of their packet , and the payment : for the Informer is content to tarry the next Tearme ( perhaps ) till a Iudgement . His profession affoords practisers both great and small ; both bucke-hounds and harriers : the essence of both is inquisition . But the first is a more thriuing and ancient stocke of hatred : for he is a kinde of Antiquarie : the last is seldome medling with men much aboue him : howsoeuer , sometimes hee is casually the scourge of an ignorant Iustice .

CHARACT: III. A base Mercenary Poet

IS the most faithfull obsequious seruant of him that giues most : He subscribes his definition to all Dedicatory Epistles . If mother-wit raisd him to be a writer , hee shewes himselfe a dutiful childe and beggs Poems in defence of Nature : neither can he choose but betray himselfe to be a cosset , by his odde frisking matter , and his Apish Titles : which may perswade any reasonable man , that hee studyes more to make faces , then a decent carriage . If hee haue learnt Lillies Grammer , and a peece of Ouids Metamorphosis , he thinkes it time to ask his Patrons blessing with some worke that sauours very much of the authors meaning , and two or three Latine sentences . If hee hath seene the Vniuersity , and forsaken it againe , because he felt no deserts which might challenge a Benefactor : Then hee calles euery man ( besides his Patron ) a despiser of Learning , and he is wonderfull angry with the world ; but a brace of angels will pacifie his humour . If hee bee an expulsed Graduate , hee hath beene conuersant so long with rules of Art , that hee can expresse nothing without the Art of begging , or publick sale : But commonly hee is some swimming-headed Clark , who after he hath spent much time in idle Sonnets , is driuen to seeke the tune of Siluer , to make vp the consort . Necessity and couetous hire , bribe his inuention , but cannot corrupt his conscience : For though he vndertakes more than hee is able , yet hee concludes within expectation of others that knowe him , and so hee deceiues himselfe only . Gold and Siluer onely doe not make him a hyerling ; but enuy , malice , and the meanes to be made famous : among which means , the chiefe bee Libells , scandala magnatum , petty treasons , and imprisonments . Hee will neuer for feite his day to necessity , if hee writes by obligation ; which happens diuers times when hee is the Scriuener and the Debtor : For the tide of one Pamphlet being vented at his elbowes , with leaning vpon Tauerne-tables ; hee tyes himselfe to certain limites ; within which precincts he borrowes much , translates much , coynes much , conuerting all to his proiect : and if matter failes , hee flyes vpon the Lawyer , or disgraces an enemy . Hee may dissemble with the world for he dissembles with himselfe : striuing to conceiue well of errors , though his conscience tells him they bee grosse errors : And when hee heares his play hissed , hee would rather thinke bottle-Ale is opening ( though in the midst of winter ) then thinke his ignorance deserues it . His Apologies discouer his shifting cou●…enage : for hee attributes the vices of his quil to the Ages infirmity ; which endures nothing but amorous delightes , close bawdry , or mirthfull Iests : As if the ignorance of any Age could hinder a wise mans propositions . He makes Poems that consist onely of verse and rime in stead of excellent composures , with the same confidence that ignorant Painters make a broad face and a flat-cap to signifie King Harry the eight : confoun●…ing ( like a bad Logician ) the ●…orme and the dimention . Hee is a fraded fellow , though he seems a Scholler : but is neuer free of the Company , or accepted , till hee hath drunk out his Apprentise-hood among the graund Masters : and then with an vniuocall consent , hee may commend his Wares , turne them into the fashion , dresse ouer his olde Pamphlets , and not be any way disgrac'd among them . If his owne guilty iudgement cannot approue his owne Poems : Hee thinks his fortune good enough to make his Reader approue , or dispence with follies : and vpon that hope hee dares often publish , and is as often laught at : but he hath wit enough to serue the whole Citty , if hee makes the Lord Maiors pageants . He presumes much vppon absolute good meanings , though the Text be palpable : and yet where hee commends himselfe best , he is not refractory , for he still promises amendment , or some more voluminous worke , to gratifie his benefactors ; but hee could neuer liue long enough to finish his miracles . Many haue beene accounted traytors who haue conspired lesse against the King then he : for he layes plots in wrighting to make the King loose his time , if hee vouchsafe to see them Acted . But hee is much indebted to the fauour of Ladies , or at least seemes to haue been gratiously rewarded . If he affects this humour , hee extolls their singular iudgement before hee meddles with his matter in question : and so selles himselfe to the worldes opinion . If his handes bee no more actiue then his head , hee is guiltie of many a good Scribes idlenesse , by making that legible , which ( before Transcription ) might haue bin tollerable folly . If you be therfore an honest , or generous patron , suffer him not to bee printed .

CHARACT. IIII. A common Player

IS a slow Payer , seldom a Purchaser , neuer a Puritan . The Statute hath done wisely to acknowledg him a Rogue * * E●…ratum in the last 〈◊〉 errant , for his chiefe essence is , * * King Agesilaus teaches the resp●…ct due to comm●…n players in h●…s and were 〈◊〉〈◊〉〈◊〉 . 〈◊〉〈◊〉〈◊〉〈◊〉〈◊〉〈◊〉〈◊〉 cor : & thinking himself not graced enough by the kings no tice , as the King passed along , doth saw●…ily interrupt him thus ; doth not your ace know me ? 〈◊〉 said the King , thou art Ca 〈◊〉 the Pl●…yer . A daily Counterseit : He hath beene familiar so long with out-sides , that he professes himselfe , ( being vnknowne ) to be an apparant Gentleman . But his thinne Felt , and his silke Stockings , or his foule Linnen , and faire Doublet , doe ( in him ) bodily reueale the Broker : So beeing not sutable , hee proues a Motley : his mind obseruing the same fashion of his body : both consist of parcells and remnants : but his minde hath commonly the newer fashion , and the newer stuffe : hee would not else hearken so passionately after new Tunes , new Trickes , new Devises : These together apparrell his braine and vnderstanding , whilst he takes the materialls vpon trust , and is himself the Taylor to take measure of his soules liking . Hee doth coniccture somewhat strongly , but dares not commend a playes goodnes , till he hath either spoken , or heard the Epilogue : neither dares he entitle good things Good , vnless●… hee be 〈◊〉 on by the 〈◊〉〈◊〉 ●…hen hee sait●… 〈◊〉〈◊〉〈◊〉〈◊〉 with a 〈◊〉〈◊〉〈◊〉〈◊〉 cant or persist 〈◊〉〈◊〉〈◊〉 hee pretends to haue a royall Master or Mistresse , his wages and dependance proue him to be the * * Iuxta Plautinum illud 〈◊〉 : quin 〈◊〉 conductior sum quam tragaedi aut comici . seruant of the people . When he doth hold conference vpon the stage ; and should looke directly in his fellows face ; hee turnes about his voice into the assembly for applause-sake , like a Trumpeter in the fields , that shifts places to get an eccho . The cautions of his iudging humor ( if hee dares vndertake it ) be a certaine number of sawsie rude iests against the common lawyer ; hansome conceits against the fine Courtiers ; delicate quirkes against the rich Cuckolda Cittizen ; shadowed glaunce for good innocent Ladies & Gentlewomen ; with a nipping scoffe for some honest Iustice , who hath imprisoned him : or some thriftie Trades-man , who hath allowed him no credit : alwayes remembred , his obiect is , A new play , or A play newly reuiued . Other Poems he admits , as good-fellowes take Tobacco , or ignorant Burgesses giue a voyce , for company sake ; as thinges that neither maintaine , no●… be against him . To be a player , is to haue a mithridate against the pestilence : for players cannot tarry where the plague raignes ; and therfore they be seldome infected . He can seeme no lesse then one in honour , or at least one mounted ; for vnto miseries which persecute such , he is most incident . Hence it proceeds , that in the prosperous fortune of a play frequented , he proues immoderate , and falles into a Drunkards paradise , till it be last no longer . Otherwise when aduersities come , they come together : For Lent and Shrouetuesday be not farre asunder , then he is deiected daily and weekely : his blessings be neither lame nor monstrous ; they goe vpon foure legges , but mooue slowly , and make as great a distance between their steppes , as between the foure Tearmes . Reproofe is ill bestowed vppon him ; it cannot alter his conditions : he hath bin so accustomed to the scorne and laughter of his audience , that hee cannot bee ashamed of himselfe : for hee dares laugh in the middest of a serious conference , without blushing . If hee marries , hee mistakes the Woman for the Boy in Womans attire , by not respecting a difference in the mischiefe : But so long as he liues vnmarried , hee mistakes the Boy , or a Whore for the Woman ; by courtin●… the first on the stage , or visiting the second at her deuotions . When hee is most commendable , you must confesse there is no truth in him : for his best action is but an imitation of truth , and nullum simile est idem . It may be imagined I abuse his carriage , and hee perhaps may suddenly bee thought faire-conditioned : for he playes aboue boord . Take him at the best , he is but a shifting panion ; for hee liues effectually by putting on , and putting off . If his profession were single , hee would thinke himselfe a simple fellow , as hee doth all professions besides his owne : His own therefore is compounded of all Natures , all humours , all professions . Hee is politick also to perceiue the common-wealth doubts of his licence , and therefore in spight of Parliaments or Statute 〈◊〉 hee incorporates himselfe 〈◊〉 the title of a brotherhood . Painting & fine cloths may not by the same reason be called abusiue , that players may not be called rogues : * * I would haue the 〈◊〉 Pedant goe study ●…ogicke . For they bee chiefe ornaments of his Maiesties Reuell●… . I need not multiplie his character ; for boyes and euery one , wil no sooner see men of this Facultie walke along , but they wil ( vnasked ) informe you what hee is by the vulgar title . Yet in the generall number of them , many may deserue a wise mans commendation : and therefore did I prefix an Epithite of common , to distinguish the base and artlesse appendants of our citty companies , which often times start away into rusticall wanderers and then ( like Proteus ) start backe againe into the Citty number .

CHARACT: V. A Warrener

IS an earthly minded man : Hee pluckes his liuing from the earths bowels : and therefore is his minde most conuersant about that element : He liues in a little Arcenall or watch-tower , being well prouided with Engines & Artilery : with which ( like another tyrant ) he doth encounter the enemies of his Inhabitants ; that hee may engrosse them all the more entirely : And yet in some respects he is a good Gouernour , for he delights more in the death of one enemy , then sixe subiects : The reason is apparant : for one foe is able to destroy twentie of his Vassailes ; and so his gaines be preuented : Therefore a Polecat and he , are at continuall variance : yet he is charitable and mercifull , for if the Pole-cat turns Ferret & obeys him , none agree better : Hee doth Waiue much spoyle by his mid-night watches , and yet he owes no Lord ▪ ship : The truth is , tumblers , nets , and other trafficke do escheate to him , although the owner be liuing . He verifies the prouerb of plenty : the more he hath , the more he would haue : for though his owne ground be full of breeders , yet he cannot forbeare to haue his hand in priuate Warrens . Hee is much , and most perplexed , because pales and hedges will not keepe his Cattell in compasse : if he cannot therefore compound with the neighbours adiacent , he hath a tricke to affright those that transgresse their limites , by scattering murthered captiues ( as Pole-cats , and Weasels ) in their places of refuge : And this is a deepe quillet in the profession : Besides this he hath little knowledge of moment , except the science of making Trappes : or circumuention of innocent dogs to feed vermine . The chiefe petition of his prayer , is for blacke frosts , Sunne-shine weather , & calme midnights : vnder protection of the last , he walkes fearelesse , with a pike staffe , to exercise the liberty of that season among other mens backsides : Where he hath many night-spels , to the hazard of much Pullen , and indeed all things thieue able ; if he doth not play the valiant Foot-man , and take tribute of passengers : Neither is he worthy to be such a dealer with nets and Cony chatching if he could not intrap the Kings subiects : I make no question therefore that he is worthy of his profession : howsoeuer sometimes he is catcht in a pitfall of liquor by his companions : whilst they perhaps being Poulterers , proue tyrannicall substitutes , and rob his possessions : but in reuenge , hee doth often encroach vpon the Poul terers likewise with a drunken bargaine .

CHARACT. VI. A Huntsman

IS the lieutenant of dogs , and foe to Haruest : He is proudly willing to gouerne ; and because he findes himselfe vnsufficient to deale with men wisely , he commands dogs ; which fawne vpon the Master and snarle at strangers . He is froli●…ke in a faire morning fit for his pleasure ; and alike reioyceth with the Virginians , to see the rising Sunne : He doth worship it , as they ; but worships his Game more then they : And in some things almost as barbarous . A sluggard he contemnes , and thinkes the resting time might be shortned ; which makes him rise with day , obserue the same pace , & proue full as happy ; if the day be happie . The names of Foxe , Hare , and Bucke , be all tracting sillables ; sufficient to furnish fifteen meales with long discourse in the aduentures of each . Foxe drawes in his exploits done against Cubbes , Bitch ▪ foxes , Otters , and Badgers : Hare , brings out his encounters , plat-formes engines , fortifications , & night-worke done against Leueret , Cony , Wilde-cat : Rabbet , Weasell , and Pole-cat : Then Bucke , the Captaine of all , prouokes him ( not without strong Passion ) to remember Hart , Hinde , Stagge , Roe , Pricket , Fa●…ne , and Fallow Deere . Hee vses a dogged forme of gouernment , which might be ( without shame ) kept in Humantie ; and yet he is vnwilling to be gouerned with the same reason : either by being satisfied with pleasure , or content with ill fortune . Hee hath the discipline to marshall dogs , and sutably ; when a wise Herald would rather meruaile , how he should distinguish their coats , birth , and gentry . Hee carries about him in his mouth the very soule of Ouids bodies , metamorphosed into Trees , Rockes , and Waters : For when he pleases , they shall eccho and distinctly answere ; and when he pleases , be extreamely silent . There is little danger in him towards the Common-wealth : for his worst intelligence comes from Shepheards or Woodmen ; and that onely threatens the destruction of Hares ; a wel-knowne dry meate . The spring and he are still at variance : in mockage therfore , and reuenge together of that season , he weares her liuery in Winter . Little consultations please him best ; but the best directions hee doth loue and followe ; they are his Dogs : If he cannot preuaile therefore , his lucke must be blamed ; for hee takes a speedy course . Hee cannot be lesse then a conquerour from the beginning , though he wants the boote ; for he pursues the flight . His Man-hood is a crooked sworde with a saw backe ; but the badge of his generous valour is a horn to giue notice . Battery & blowing vp , hee loues not : to vndermine is his Stratageme . His Physicke teaches him not to drinke sweating ; in amends whereof , he liquors himselfe to a heate , vpon coole bloud : If hee delights ( at least ) to emulate his Dog in a hot nose . If a Kennell of Hounds passant take away his attention & company from Church ; doe not blame his deuo●…ion ; for in them consists the nature of it , and his knowledge . His frailties are , that he is apt to mistake any dog worth the stealing , & neuer take notice of the Collar . Hee dreames of a Ha●…e formed , a Fox kenneld , a Bucke lodged , or a Hart in harbor And if his fancy would bee moderate , his actions might be full of pleasure .

CHARACT. VII . A Falkoner

IS the egge of an ordinary Goosewoman , hatcht vp amongst Hawkes and Spaniels . Hee hath in his minority conuersed with Kesstrils , and young Hobbies ; but growing vp hee begins to handle the Lure , & look a Fawlcon in the face . All his learning makes him but a new Linguist ; for to haue studied & practised the termes of Hawkes Dictionary , is enough to excuse his wit , manners , and humanity . Hee hath too many Trades to thriue ; and yet if he had fewer , he wold thriue lesse : he neede not be enuied therefore , for a Monopoly , though hee be Barber surgeon , Physitian , and Apothecary , before he commences Hawk leech : for though he exercise all these , and the art of Bow-strings together , his patients be compelled to pay him no further , then they are able . Hawkes are his obiect , that is , his knowledge , admiration , labour , and all : They be indeed his idoll , or Mistresse , be they Male or Female : to them hee consecrates his amorous Ditties , which be no sooner framed then hallowed : Nor should he doubt to ouercome the fairest , seeing hee reclaimes such Haggards ; and courts euery one with a peculiar Dialect . That he is truly affected to his Sweet-hart in her fether ▪ bed , appeares by the sequele ; himselfe is sensible of the same misery : for they bee both mewed vp together : But hee still chuses the worst pennance ; by chusing rather an Ale ▪ house , or a Cellar , for his moulting place , then the Hawkes mew . Hee cannot bee thought lesse then a spie , & that a dangerous one : For his espials are , that hee may see the fall of what hee persecutes : and so the Wood-cocks perish : if they doe not , his Art is suspended . He is a right busie-body , who intermeddles so much with others affaires , that he forgets his own : Hee would not else correct his Hawkes wildnesse ; and be so ready to trample downe the standing corne ; or make way through enclosures : That argues him to be Rebellious & vulgar ; one apt to striue for liberty . His Man-hood I dare not signifie , it remaines doubtfull vpon equall tearmes , because , seldom tried with any thing but wild-fowle : and then hee performes , water-seruice ; perhaps sea-seruice ; but both , in some sowle manner : By Land he serues , on horse or foote ; on both , to destroy Partrige , or Pheasant . You may truely call him an extream bad husband if he lyes in a Flocbed ; because hee meddles so much with Fowles & doth not feather his nest . There is no hope of his rising , though hee doth excell ; for he rather seekes to make others ambitious of rising , then himselfe : and therefore though hee frames winges with Daeda●…us , he thereby makes his Hawke onely fitt to aspire : Yet if any shall ( by coniecture ) take a flight from Paules Steeple ; hee will ( I suppose ) as soone as any : for hee proues wiser already in the art of winges then Blad●…d . I had rather ( in the mean time ) take his worde then his oath ; for when he speakes without an oath , hee is not troubled with the passion of his Curres , or Haggards ; and therfore cannot so well excuse it , if hee breakes his promise . As for Religion , shee is a bird of too high a wing ; his Hawkes cannot reach it , and therefore not hee . And if hee flies to Heauen , it is a better flight , then any hee hath commended : There , I meddle not with him ; thither hee must carry himselfe : for I can neither condemne , nor saue him .

CHARACT. VIII . A Farmer

IS a concealed commodity : His worth or value is not fully known till he be halfe rotten : and then hee is worth nothing . He hath Religion enough to say , God blesse his Maiesty ; God send peace , and faire weather : So that one may gleane Haruest out of him to be his time of happines : but the Tith sheafe goes against his conscience ; for hee had rather spend the value vpon his Rea●…ers and Plough-men , then bestow any thing to the maintenance of a Parson . Hee is sufficiently Booke-read , nay a profound Doctor , if ●…ee can search into the diseases of Cattell and to foretell rain by tokens , makes him a miraculous Astronomer . to speake good English is more then hee much regards ; and for him not to contemne all Arts and Languages , were to condemne his own education . The pride of his House keeping is a messe of Creame , a Pigge , or a green-Goose : and if his seruants can vncontrowled finde the high-way to the Cup-boord , it winnes the name of a bountifull Yeoman . Doubtles hee would murmur against the * * Aurelius victor de vir : illust: fo 264. 〈◊〉 Grachus tribunus plebis , leg est tolit , ne quis quingenta p●…us habere t●…ugera . Tribunes law ; by which none might occupy more then fiue hundred acres : For hee murmurs against himselfe , because hee cannot purchase more . To purchase Armes ( if he aemulates Gentry ) sets vpon him like an Ague : It breakes his sleepe , takes away his stomack , & hee can neuer be quiet till the Herald hath giuen him the Harrowes , the Cuckowe , or some ridiculous Embleme for his Armory . The bringing vp , and Marriage of his eldest Son ; is an ambition which afflicts him so soon as the boy is borne , and the hope to see his sonne superior , or placed aboue him , driues him to dote vpon the boy in his Cradle . To petuse the Statutes , and preferre them before the Bible , makes him purchase the credit of a shrewd fellow : and then hee bringes all aduersaries to composition . If at length he can discouer himselfe in large Legacies beyond expectation , hee hath his desire . Meane time , hee makes the preuention of a dearth his Title , to bee thought a good common-wealths man . And therefore he preserues a Chandelors trea sure of Bacon , Linkes and Puddings in the Chimney corner . Hee is quickly and contentedly put into the fashion , if his clothes be made against Whitsontide , or Christmas day : and then outwardly he contemnes appearance : Hee cannot therefore choose but hate a * * Lib 2. In ●…urop : tractatu . Quo Hisp●…norum dignitas en●…teat m●…gis , illi in app●…ratu & vestimentis omnia ponunt . Spaniard likewise ; and ( hee thinkes ) that hatred onely , makes him a loyall subiect : for beneuolence & subsidies bee more vnseasonable to him , then his quarters Rent . Briefly , being a good house-keeper , hee is an honest man : and so , he thinkes of no rising higher , but rising early in the morning ; and being vp , hee hath no end of motion ▪ but wanders in his Woods & Pastures so continually , that when hee sleepes , or sitts , ( I thinke ) hee wanders also . After this , hee turnes into his element , by being too ventrous hot , and colde : then he is fit for nothing but a checkered graue : howsoeuer some may thinke him conuenient to make an euerlasting bridge ; because his best foundation hath beene perhaps ) vpon Wool-packes .

CHARACT. IX . An Hostesse

IS ( if beautifull ) the abatement of reckonings , or the second course : if a widow , she is the iourneys end of a weather-beaten Traueller : if ordinary , shee is the seruant and the Mistresse ; but in generall , shee is a receiuer to all professions , and acquainted by experience with cookery , or sluttery . Bring inuited to her owne prouisions , shee prepares the w●…y to mi●…tigate her prises , either by exclayming vpon the hard times , or insinua ting the sublime price of Mutton . Shee must bee pardoned , though shee depart before supper is ended ; for she is modestly ashamd to heare her sinfull reckonings . She professes the kitchin , but takes place in the chamber : and hauing interrupted the Guest with a cup of heartily welcome , shee signifies his sorrow , thogh it be manifest silence shee excuses the attendance by varietie of guests ; and blaming the Maid-seruants , shee commends * That which agrees with a couetuous ma●…s gaine , agrees with his conscience , ther●… what 〈◊〉 against 〈◊〉 ●…rofit , go●…s ag●…inst his conscience . her self for the sole agent and you must conceiue amisse of the shambles , or butter-market vpon her honesty . Her chiefest knowledge is to distinguish vppon the trades of our belly ; and though she condemnes a Taylor for lengthening his bill with bumbast , stiffening , silke and buttons ; yet shee furnishes her own in the same kind , with wine ▪ bread , sallets and cheese ; and though shee seldome abate the price of reckonings , yet she can giue a morsell of her own into the bargaine , if that may satisfy . She chuses seruants also that wil giue the best content : and that shee insinuates though shee vndoe●… a traueller . Shee may abhorre drunkennesse ; but in her own house conceales it , and receiues the aduantage : neyther dares she reproue her husbands thirstie humor , least shee should loose her freedome ; when hee resignes his power to lazinesse , by which hee was ingendred . Her husbands sloth makes her imployed proudly ; being heartily ambitious of labour , if shee can boast well , that her paynes alone keepe her husband & his familie . She keeepes open house & therefore she thinkes a porter as much impertinent as laces to her placket . If her self be spunge and corke , shee hath a daughter or a Chaumber maide of luy . These and shee together make the best of a bad bargaine , and therefore shee asfoords no penny-worth which is not the best that can suddenly be bought for money . She seldome inuites cost-free : for shee determines to bee paid commonly . If therefore she doth inuite , she is a rare woman ; neither hath she any thing else to pleade raritie . Brieflie , shee is at●…ing of cleane linnen that is the warrant of her cleanlinesse : She makes the welcome of a new , the farewell of an olde Traueller . She hcarkens ioyfully to the numerons footing of horses and hauing with a quick accent twise called the Chamberlaine , she is now busie about dressing supper .

CHARCT : XXII . A Tapster

IS an infernall : the Belzebub of a Sellor , and the very motion of a double Iugge . Hee was engendred by a Drunkards appetite and vrine . for nothing but his desire to fill and emptie , hath bred a Tapster . Hee is of a barmy disposition apt to cleaue , and therfore hee seekes to be familiar at first sight ; but in stead of friendship he retains the names of customers : only betwixt Brewers men and him , there passes hungry and thirstie loue ; consisting of Hollaud cheese & Rowles in recompence of bottle-ale , and strong Beere . You may call him swinish , for hee beares cheife sway among the hog sheads : and claimes authority among them to * * Iuxta horatianum illud in Epod . 13. Deus haec fortasse benigna reducet in sedem vice . Castig●…ndus est hic Bon●…i commentarius , qui delucidat hasce partiunculas quasi digressi●…am consolation●…m : at quám sapi●… nunc 〈◊〉 it 〈◊〉 enim hic ost sensus . Deut sic prouidebit fortaise 〈◊〉〈◊〉 illa idest dolia im●…leta vinode quibus nunc 〈◊〉 est loqut , quasi de recentioribus , reducanturi●… locum buius vetust●… 〈◊〉 , ●…ressi amico meo con●…ule : et sic potius opinor intelligendus est ●…lle locu●… . ●…emoue and preferre . Drawers and hee liue at variance ; for hee thinkes the grape a disparagement to malt ; and therefore he incounters Wine euen with the smallest beere hee hath , to affright the fortitude of Sacke , & Claret : But ( which betrayes his stratagems ) he gladly makes the Vintuers vessell his vassaile and Renegad●… . Nay rather he farmes Diogenes his tenement ; and , fearing he should bee dispossessed ( I thinke ) hee puts in a valorous tenant that will beate the mad Cinicks braynes out if hee dares Incounter . His riches are single , they consist of single money : his profession double , it consists of double Beere : but then his faculties are againe so single , that if he leaues the sellar , hee must begge 〈◊〉 : for ignorance and lazine ●…t haue bin his education . Meane time hee is kept from Robbery by exchange of single peeces : and yet he disables himselfe in exchang vnlesse hee expects nothing by delay . He feeles the same sorrow to heare you discommend his liquor , that hee doth to see you depart . * It goes against his conscience to see the cup stand quietly ; and against his stomack to see you preferre Mutton before powdred-beefe . He is a prettier fellow of his handes then any of the guarde : for giue him leaue to draw apace , and hee will strike down twelue gards . He hath an ambitious memorie which cannot deceiue him , because hee hath taught it to deceiue others : for his aboundance of memory , and his meaning to get ●… stocke , labour to get a super●●uous two-pence in the reckoning . He would make an asse of Kelly if he were liuing : Kelly wrought vpon somewhat ; but this fellow makes money of meere nothing : for hee gets by froth , and emptinesse . His brain swarmes with a tempest of bottle reckonings ; which makes him carelesse of hats : least hee should breed an impostume , by inclosing their multitude ; else hee is afraide least the hot and moyst reckonings he carries in his head , shoulde dissolue his felt , and therefore he goes vncouered ; else to shew hee reuerences the Cellar and weeke-dayes , more then the Church or Sabboth ; for then onely hee playes the Turke , and puts on : else ( which is indeed the reason ) he knowes all commers claime his dutie , and therefore he walks bare headed to saue a labour . He attributes the scant measure of his Iugge , to the Cellars darknesse , and his sauing nature ; but rather then he will iustifie both , he hath a certaine slight or hand to fill the first 〈◊〉 , and so a voyds inquisition . All his conscience is , that he dares not cast away Gods good creatures ; and therfore he preserues the droppings to make a compound He is an ignoble wret●…h : do what you can , hee will couson you with his Can. Of his prayers and religion , I neither finde any thing , nor will I leaue any thing , written . But I belieue strongly , that in stead of Praying , he wishes to heare men desirous of Collops & Egges , or red Herrings . And therfore I thinke he should thriue best in a sea voyage ; because he commends the relish of meats seasoned exceedingly . His bladder is more capable then his greasie pouch ; and more immoderately widened . He hath nothing to commend his literature , but Brachigraphy , or the science of short writing , which hee practises vpon the barrels head , or behinde the doore : the meaning whereof he expounds , but doth not discouer the rules . If he dares defend his function in Winter , he must prouide an Orator : for he speakes coldly for himselfe , as being troubled with a common hoarsnesse to betray his vigilance . Briefly , you must imagine him a light fellow , and like the corke , which swimmes with moysture , is supported with liquor , and tyed about the bottle or iugges neck : there , or neere about that , you may finde him personally .

CHARACT. XI . A Lawyers simple Clarke

IS his Masters right hand , if hee bee not left-handed : or the second dresser of Sheep-skinnes : one that can extract more from the parchment , then the Husbandman from ▪ the Fleece . He is a weake Grammar●…an ; for he beginnes to peirce , before he can construe well : Witnesse the Chamber-maide . Neither can you discommend him : for his best education hath beene at a dull Writing-schoole . Hee doth gladly imitate Gentlemen in their garments ; they allure the Wenches , and may ( perhaps ) prouoke his Mistresse : but then hee must bee a customer to Cookes shoppes , and lowe Ordinaries , or visit the Broaker , to bespeake Silke stockinges , without which he thinkes Gentry doth much degenerate . hauing done thus ( if his cloake did not reueale him by instinct ) he might passe suddenly for a Gentleman presuming on which , & his plausible discourse , he dares attempt a mistresse : but if hee chooses worthily , he feeles himselfe worthily contemned , because he woes with bawdery in text ; and with Iests , or speeches stolne from Playes , or from the common-helping Arcadia . Hee may be reasonably commaunded by his maister in attendance : but if hee rides with a Cloake bagge , he thinkes himselfe disgraced behinde his backe . Hee may bragge of the Vniuersitie , and that hee hath commenced ; yet hee can hardly tell you by learning the * * Strabo : lib. 1●… . ●…talus rex Mysiae ●…bliotheeam Pergam●… oppleuit ducentum mille generibus librorum : In Forum autem vsum pelles ouinae comparatae fuerū●… ; q●…ae adhuc ob 〈◊〉 t●…ntummodo causam vocantur Pergamens . first vse of Parchment ; though it concernes him neerely ; for being once in a Colledge , and now a Clearke , it seemes plaine that he was an arrant rakehell . Howsoeuer , he is otherwise a peaceable companion : for as hee continually makes agreement , so himselfe sits quietly , by his Embleme of meeknesse , the sheeps-skinnes ; except the itch troubles him . You can make no question that he is prouided to dispatch readily ; for hee hath his businesse at his fingers end . He may pretend Scholership : but all that is nothing vnlesse you compare it with a Iugglers , and then hee may seeme cunning : for hee doth exceed a Iuggler in the slight of hand : being able by his cleanly conneyance , to remoue the possession of lands forty miles distant . He trembles therefore alike with all Handicrafts , ( though he most valerons ) to thinke if he should offer violence in the Court : for vpon his Palmes & Fingers depend his In-comes . He is no vain Disputant : this knowledge is positiue ingrossd , and so vpon record . Selfe-conceit in workes , he refuses : for hee labours about nothing which is not iustifiable by Presidents , either of West , his maister or a teacher . In the compasse of which three he tyes his approbation of witt so narrowly , that I cannot blame him if hee condemnes this Character , for ( vpon my knowledge ) hee can finde no such thing in the Presidents . Then hee doth not seeme to delight in a retired life : for hee sits alwaies in the most outward roome of his maisters chamber . He may be very much tempted to pick & pilser ; for Legit vt clericus cannot be applied to any man so fitly . He is not ashamed of what he doth : for hee regards not to haue a finger , but a whole hand in the busines . To which purpose you may see his name subscribed in Court , after sealed and deliuered . Hee doth relye vpon his maisters practise , large indentures , and a deske to write vpon . He can shew little or no signe of humil●…ty like his degraded lodging in the trūckle-bed ; which hazzards many s●…eabites , and the violent ayre of his Maisters feet . Westminster likewise doth not altogether not concerne him : hee hath a motion thither , and a motion there : Thither hee moues by way of iniunction from his Maister : there hee moues in the common place of breake-fasts , for reliefe of his stomacke ; and if hee can match his breake-fast and dinner without grudging of his stomack , he hath his desire . He is a follower : for he weares a liuery , but no seruant , for hee payes his owne wages . If he bee drunken you must say hee staggers , to auoide aequiuocation : for when he is sober hee makes Indentures . Seruing himselfe , hee serues God by occasion : for whilst hee loues his gaine , a●…d serues his desire of getting , hee hates idlenesse . If his Maister thriues , hee cannot doe amisse ; for hee leades the way , and still rides before . Hee is the Sophister , or Soliciter to an Atturney ; & from himselfe hee proceedes to an Atturney : that is his commencement . So that a Clearke in thesi , is an Atturney in Hypothesi .

CHARACT. XII . A Pettifogging A●…turny

IS a fellow at your commaund for ten groates , and hath no inheritance , but a knauish forme o●… vnderstanding . Hee is extreamely graced if he talke with two vel●…et cloak'd Clients in fiue Tearmes : and desires to salute great Lawyers , in view to purchase reputation . He is indeed the vpshot of a proud ignorant Clarke , and retaines his learning from Paenall Statutes , or an English Little : on . He doth multiplie businesse , as a tinker multiplies worke , with mending : and in a Michaelmas tearme , hee will seeme more bus●…e about offices , then a ●…lea at midnight in the midst of summer . He is a better commoditie to himselfe then Stockfish ( being well beaten . ) His chiefe inuention is how hee may take brib●…s from both parties , & please both fashionably : how he may cousen his friends to all aduantage , and giue the glosse of good dealing : if his wickednesse thriues well , hee proues a te●…rible Asse in a Lions skin : but whilst he out dares any man and forgets himselfe to be a buzzard , his considence deceiues him : Hee keeepes a tro●…ting pace to signify imployment . Chancery lane is his loome : for in the tearme he runnes nimbly from one end to the other like a shuttle to weaue mischiefe . Subpaenaes , Executions and all Writs of quarrell be his bondslaues . Hee doth naturally exclaime vpon Poets and Players ; they are too inquisitiue about his cousonage . Hee commends Diuinitie ; but makes the professors simple men when they submit to his mercy : hee still preferres the authority of a Statute where it makes for his purpose ( though mistaken ) before God and a good conscience . His Religion is the Kings continually : And he would willingly come to Church on Sundaies if hee had ended his Declarations . He is in●…atiatly giuen to get by any man hee deales with ; so much , that he will scarse borrow ten shillings , vnlesse he may get ten pence . His chiefe pride is to be haue himselfe better then he is able , and chiefely in deliuering of his charge at Cou●…tleetes : where hee assumes much peremptorie state , and knowes the audience cannot appreh end where hee stole his lesson : and then though his minde bee not in the Dishes , it is in the K●…tchin . There is such a neere vnion betwixt him and fees , that if ignorance hath made him spare a deceite in ouer-burthening his client , hee thinkes hee hath not done as he should doe , and that hee deserues miserably to bee laught at . His highest ambition is an Innes of Court , an old rich widdow , and the Stewardship of L●…etes , and still he hopes to be the first of his name : He loues little manners but where he hopes to saue , and there he playes the ●…ychophant . Hee had rather eate still then wipe his mouth : rather ( I meane ) see●…e meanes to multiplie , then to repent his olde couse age . hee thinkes nature may iustifie his dealing though he proues somewhat bold with his kindred ; & therfore hee will couzen his own brother before any man . His almes bee oulde Shooes for Broomes : one for another : for without receiuing he neuer giues . His discourse is commonly attended with a Sc●…re facias , and he is ashamed in his heart when he heares of a cunninger knaue then himselfe . Briefly , hee is indeed a meere Atturney , sit for all turnes that any way enrich his Cofer : for he hath ●…nauery enough to cosen the people , but wit enough to deceiue the gallowes . Howsoeuer being too busy about his common baite of lucre ( thinking to snap at the diuels glow-worme , ( he is catched in his common noose , the Pillory , from whence he is deliuered : but the Hunts-man markes him for an old breeder .

I might heere accuse some excellen●… Atturneys ( though they be good patterns of their countreys knowledge ) because they ●…could not in my former impression take this Character without scandall to themselues and honesty : and yet I pardon their mistaking : Because it is no discredit for a good Atturney to be no good Logitian .

CHARACT. XIII . A crafty Scriuener

IS the curse of mans crafty dealing : Hee is a curious workeman , and may be free of the Lock-smithes : for full of Instruments hee is , and Engines : and makes Manacles for any mans wearing aboue Twenty One . His first ambition commonly is to ioyne forces , and make vp his defects of pollicy , and custome by partaking in anothers proiects : Then doth hee readily aspire to frequented places , a conuenient shop , the notice of his neighbours , and so engrosse credit , or some text Widdow , by the Nouerint of his Grogrengowne : A common Strumpet neuer fawned so much on a young h●…ire , as hee with flattery obferues the Vsurer , and with nice dutifull care to preserue him , makes his rotten hide , the chiefe Indentures that containe his Title . Obligations bee his best prayers : for hee cannot tie God to performe conditions , or put in suertyship . His friendship hath a Counter-maund of being too honest ; which hee wil obey , rather then not saue by the bargaine . Hee is the safest man from danger in the ped●…gree of rapines ; for first , the Gallant liues by sale and Countrey Tenants ; the Citizen by the Gallant ; the Scriuener and the Deuill vpon both , or all : so neitherliues by losse with the Gallant , nor vpon trust , with the Citizen : His condemnation is a knot of Seales and their Impression : the first discouer to him a conformed vnity ; yet none hath more hand in the procuring of variance . The last d●…scouers a tractable nature , which giues & takes impression Of the ●…irst ( that is to giue ) he knowes no meaning but when he giues the print of his fist , that it may sticke by elder brothers a whole age : Of the last ( that is to take impression ) he knowes none but a wrong meaning : for the best seale that imprints loue in him , is onely the Kings picture ; and that loue continues no longer then he beholds it . His quills and instruments betoken peace : you cannot therefore expect more valour in him , then to win ground by the aduantage of weake Prodigalls , and such as runne away from thristinesse : they be most importunate with him : with them he preuailes most : to them he sels his extortious nature at the highest value , because they be most willing to make it their peny-worth . Is it possible hee should escape damnation , when his whole trust and dealing is in great Security ? Hee will suspend his neerest familiars , and not absolutely resolue them what he is able to doe ; in hope to purchase a supper or some prouoking remtmbrance : and if hee be brought to testifie against his Vsurer , he will counterfeit his knowledge , worse then a common Bawd that is questiond by an Officer about whoores . I know not how he should be trusted in his dealing : for when he promises to do much for a spend-thrifts bribe , hee writes against him soon after , by making that Bond , which he knowes will be forfeited . His memory is his own ; another cannot safely trust it , in reckoning the day of payment : for he reckons what he can saue , by renewing the hazard of a second forfeit , not your los●…e by the first : and so he ouer-reaches you , by ouer-reaching the time , when you trust his memory : If you trust him therefore you may feele the forfeite , and pay largely for an acquittance . He may perhaps helpe a friend in aduersitie , but he will be damnd first ; by helping more for profit sake then friendship . His learning iumps iust with , or falls sometimes short of an Atturnies ; being onely able to repeate the asore-said forme to thousand purposes : So all his mystery indeed is nothing to encrease his Art , but his Policy , or plaine knauery : And that being serued in , to the worlds banquet , represents a large Foxes head , and a little Sheep-skinne in diuers dishes . It is the totall of his Creed , that nothing should be iustified , or called lawfull , which hath not hand and Seale : that makes him exercise Hand and Seale , as the warrant for deuises of his head and Soule . He neuer rayses the spirit of a Prodigall by charmes , but he together rayses the spirit of mammon a Citizen ; and then this potent coniurer bindes them both fast in a Quadrangle . Hee will seeme to know the Statute and common Law ; but commonly the construction failes him ( for he lookes to his owne aduantage ) except the law hath practised vpon his hearing , to teach the comment when he mistakes the Law . Hauing at length beene a long Auditor to the sweet lecture o●… Vsury , hee loues the matter so well , that he becomes proficient , graduate , and professour in the Science : but after generall profession he approches quickely to his center ( from whence he sprung ) Nothing .

CHARACT. XIIII . A wrangling Welch Client

IS a good Iourney-man , if not a good Foot-man ▪ He is the onely friend of ●…awyers ( i●… they be Welch begotte●… ) and still sollicites them for a Iudgement . But we may credibly thinke he will entertaine English Lawyers likewise ; for he makes the contention of Wales exceed the wranglings of Norfolke already . His valour is , that he can by no meanes carry coales ; and is euer therefore fittest for an action of the case . When hee expresseth ( as oftentimes hee doth ) bountie to out-braue his aduer●…ary before his Counsell , then doth he rather and indeed expresse a spightfull arrogance ; manifesting that he beleeues himselfe to be a kinsman of Cadwallader , though he deriues his pedegree from the dust of ninetynine generations : and he thinkes himselfe ennobled by the conceit of Owen Tudor as much as if they had beene brothers children . When hee visits offices he will drawe such a number of purses ( if his aduersary be present ) that you may thinke he hath cutt or found a douzen in or betwixt Wales & Westminster . His pride lies wrapt vp in a clout betweene his legges , or in a pocket in the Armehole : from thence hee drawes his Angels to feed his Lawyer , though himselfe sleepe supperlesse . ( Howsoeuer ) hee is content to be his owne Cooke ; and though his dyet be slender , yet his money and victuals lie within a clowtes thicknesse : which might excuse him from a beggerly want of food , but rather detects him of a beggarly pride . It is impossible he should eate much : for the least prouocation makes him so froward ; that you may verily thinke hee hath eaten her pelly full of Wasps and Salamanders , euery houre in the day . But he saues many meales in cheesemongers shops ; by tasting often : and when he hath disliked all , hee contents himselfe with a parcel of two peniworth at the Cha●…delors . He makes the Tearme his time of Pilgrimage , and Offices at Law , the Shrine where hee offers vp his douotion : Which ( after he hath ended his voyage ) amounts to voluntary pennance ; for he travailes bare-foote . Though he bee long in trauaile and tarries late , yet nothing can be recouered by default of apparance : for invndations be his perpetuall affidauit : and he sweares 〈◊〉 was ouerflowed with a witnes ; when all the country about complaind of drynes . The profit which he giues to English Lawyers , he giues generally to the Lawes profession : that proceeds from his language , which to the credit of Innes of Court , and Lawe French , he vtters harshly , with great amazement of beholders . His body is so proportioned to his minde , and his clothes to his body , that you cannot finde a fitter modele of enuy in the most beautifull worke of Spencer : For as 〈◊〉 pines away her c●…rcasse when another thriues , so cannot she be cloathed better then ( as a Welch Clyent is ) with spoiles of innocence ; Erise ; or cotton . The best thing about him worth commendation is , that he cannot long dissemble his cariage and malice ; for he goes without a cloake continually . A peece of Parchment and a Seale throughly paid for , sat●…sfies him presently in stead of iudgement ; but otherwise he spends his faith vpon the hope of costs : And if he dies before execution , he scarce hopes to be saued .

Many of the nation were offended lately with this Character , which nothing doth concerne them ; if they had saued their fury , they might haue beene thought wiser-men .

CHARACT. XIIII . A plaine Country Bridegroome

IS the finest fellow in the Parish ; and hee that misinterprets my definition , deserues no Rosemary nor Rose-water : He neuer was maister of a feast before ; that makes him hazard much new complement : But if his owne Maister bee absent , the Feast is full of displeasure ; except in his latter dayes he grew rebellious . He shewes neere affinity betwixt mariage and hanging : and to that purpose , he prouides a great Nosegay , and shakes hands with euery one he meets , as if he were now preparing for a condemned mans voyage . Although he points out his brauery with ribbands , yet he hath no vaine-glory ; for he contemnes fine cloathes with dropping pottage in his bosome . The inuitation of guests , prouision of meate , getting of children , and his nuptiall garments , haue kept his braine long in trauaile ; if they were not arguments of his wooing Oratory . He inuites by rule within distance , where he hopes to preuaile ; not without some paraphrase vpon his meaning . But ( howsoeuer ) he seemes generous : for nothing troubles him , or takes away his stomacke more , then default of company : yet in his prouision he had ra●…her take away your stomacke then fill your belly . As for his children if he begets aboue three , he may beget for Gods sake to store the Parish . And yet his rayment ( for the time ) must shew much varietie , The Taylor likewise must be a vexation to him , or his cloathes would neuer sit hansomely : But ( aboue all ) a bridle in his mouth would serue better then a Pickadell ; for if you restraine him from his obiects , & the engine of his necke , you put him into the Pillory . He hath long forecast with his Sweet-hart in some odde corner of the milke-house , how he may goe the sparingest way to worke when he marryes : and he hath only that meanes to make her beleeue he is a frugall good husband ▪ but though he meditates a twelue month , he cannot finde wisedome to spare halfe a yard , in the length , of his faire troublesome cloake . He must sauour of gallantry a little ; though he perfume the Table with Rose-cake ; or appropriate Bone-lace , and Couentry-hlew . He hath Heraldy enough to place euery man by his Armes : But his qualitie smels rancke with running vp and downe to giue a heartily welcome : Blame him not though he proue preposterous : for his inclination was perhaps alwayes good , bu●… his behauiour now begins : which is notwithstanding ( he thinkes ) well discharged if when he dances , the heeles of his shooes play the Galliard .

CHARACT: XVI . A plaine countrey Bride

IS the beginning of the world : or an old booke with a new Title :

A quarters wages before hand and the title of a Countrey Dame be the two Adamants of her affection . Shee rises with a purpose to be extreamely sober : this begets silence , which giues her a repletion of aire without ventage : and that takes away her appetite . Shee seemes therfore commendably sober vnto all : but she driues the Parson out of Patience with her modestie , vnlesse he haue interest , or be inuited : She inclines to statelinesse , though ignorant of the meaning : Her interpretor , taster , caruer , and Sewer , be therfore accidentall : and yet without these , she were an Image to the assembly : all the good ornaments that she hath to grace her when she is married ; be the seuerall tunes of ballades & songs besides halfe a douzen tales and prouerbs , with as many tales & rid●…les ; and guilt rases of ginger Rosemary and Ribbands be her best magnificence . She wil therfore bestow a Liuery , thoug she receiues back wages : behauiour sticks to her like a disease ; necessitie brings it , neither can shee take pleasure in the custome : & therfore importunacie with repetition , enforce her to dumbe signes : otherwise you must not expect an answere . She is a curteous creature : nothing proceedes from her without a curtesie . When the wedding dinner is ended , she hath a liberty from that day forward , to talke of weaning Calues and fatting poultrie among the housewiues to her lifes end . She hath no rarity worth obseruance , if her gloues be not miraculous and singular : Those bee the trophy of some forlorne sutor , who contents himselfe with a large offering , or this glorious sentence , that she should haue bin his bed-fellow . Her best commendation is to be kist often : this onely proceeds from her without interruption . She may to some seeme very raw in carriage : but this becomes noted through the feare of disclosing it . She takes it by tradition from her fellow Gossips , that she must weepe showres vpon her marriage day : though by the vertue of mustard and onions , if shee cannot naturally dissemble : but good simplicity hath not taught her the Courte-inuention , to squeake loude enough on her marriage night likewise : So Shee hath little or nothing to confirme her honesty : besides that which plaine innocency affords . Now like a quiet creature she wishes to loose her Garters quickly , that she may loose her maiden-head likewise . And now she is layd .

CHARACT. XVII . My Mistresse

IS a Magicke glasse : In which you may discerne va●…ities of the world , her selfe , and other women . She is a most intricate female text ; and though her workes bee common , yet you may longer and with lesse perfection study her meaning then the common law : For she is ready to giue a new , before you haue learned the olde lesson . Shee hath a multitude of seruants and suffers all to bee before hand in their wages that they may still continue seruiceable . She may be truely said afayre one ; for like some Faire of a dayes length her beautie spreads at morning and vanishes at night . The truth is I first began to looke vppon her , because shee said shee loued a Poet well , and was in part a Poetresse : for which good quality I might haue loued her likewise but she was onely good at long Hexameters , or a long and a short euen for varietie-sake ; which came so full vppon Ouids amorous veine , that I despised her meaning . You may well trust her that she will proue fruitfull : for she is a vessell made for burthen ; and is therefore light in cariage . her affection toward sweete meates haue made her like a sugar chest apt to take fire . She had her education vnder a great Countes ; and if she could leaue the Courtship shee learnt when she was a waiter , she might quickly proue a reasonable good woman . Her body is ( I presume ) of Gods making : & yet I cannot tell , for many parts therof she made her selfe . Her head is in effect , her whole body and attire : for from thence , and the deuises there ingendred , proceedes her blushing modesty , her innocent white teeth , her gawdy gownes , her powdred hayre , her yellow bands , her farthingales , and false Diamonds . All these together , and a quicke fansie commend her function : for Fidlers and Painters bee full of Crotchets . Shee is well acquainted with games , and is so farre confident they be lawfull , that shee makes no more conscience to couzzen you , then to handle a paire of Cards . She is alway loose-bodied ; conserue of sloes cannot binde her . You need not make the question whether she can sing ; for visitation will teach you , that she can scarce leaue singing . And as for dauncing , she wil aske the question of you . She hath the trick of Courtship not to bee spoken with ; to take Phisicke , and to let her mountebancke bee the best ingredient . She hath at idle houres handled Phisicke points her selfe : and if any man aduentures on her receipts , hee will hardly scape a scowring . She is better then Greshams Almanacke to foretell seasons : When she complaines of head-ach , it signifies faire weather : for then she is meditating to deceiue some honest Gull : and when she complaines downewards , of the winde collicke , it signifies an vncleane season . suspecting that a fresh suiter hath or may bee ill informd of her conditions , she will protest before-hand that she was once troubled with a sixe moneths timpany . Her wit is Dainty because seldome : and whatsoeuer is wanting in the present delicacie of conceit , she makes good by rehersal of stolne witty answers , euen to the seauenth edition . She purposes to trauell shortly : But her meaning is to returne with some French commodity ; and she will rather fetch it , though she may be furnished at home , because shee loues the cheapest ware , and the out-landish fashion . She doth ambitiously bragge of the respect shee found among my Lords followers ; and ( so hoping to perswade by credit of her education ) shee giues any man a gentle warning to refuse her . Her generosity extends thus farre ; to bestow loue , and looke for neither thankes nor requitall : because a Marmoset and little Dog are ignorant of both . These excepted , she neuer loued truly . Her morall vertues be a subtill thrift , and a thriuing simplicity . But whilst she makes the best construction of a matter , she would make likewise a thousand pound Ioyncture of her behauiour only , and Courtcariage . This bargaine is open for any man , who thinkes not the peny-worth doubtfull . And yet I must confesse freely she hath more goodnes about her little finger , then I haue about my whole body : I meane her Diamond . Her best Religion is to teach a Parret the Lords prayer ; but the ten Commandements be a new matter : so that Petitions be more plausible with her , then Instructions at her owne request therefore I giue this to her looking-glasse .

CHARCT : XVIII . A Gossip

IS a windie Instrument ; a paire of bellowes , or indeed two : for without her fellow , she is nothing . These labour ioyntly as at an Alchymists furnace , onely to beget vapours : she receiues and sends backe breath with advantage ; that is , her function . Her end is to kindle ; That is , to warme , or burne : she can do both . And being quiet , or not in contention , she is without her calling ; that is , her company . Her knowledge is her speech ; the motiue , her tongue ; and the reason her tongue also : but the subiect of her conference is the neighbours wife , and her husband ; or the neighbours wife and husband both . The modesty that I could euer obserue in her dealing , is thus much only : she must be twise intreated among strangers , before she takes downe a whole glasse . She is the mirth of marriages , and publicke meetings : but her naturall season comes in with a minc'd pye , at Christmas ; when all may attend with leasure . She carries her bladder in her braine ; that , is full ; her braine in her tongues end ; that she empties : It was washed downe thither with pintes of Muscadine ; and being there , she looses it like vrine , to ease her kidneyes : which would otherwise melt with anger , if she might not speake freely . Being once a seruant , she then learnt to runne , or goe apace ; that shee might tarry and take , or giue intelligence by the way . She aemulates a Lawyer in riding the circuite , and therefore she keepes a circuit , in , or out of her owne liberties : striuing to be both one of the Iudges , Iury & false witnesses : for she loues , to be vniuersall . She contemplates within , that she may practise abroad , and then she spewes vp secrets as if they were mixd with stibium : her reasons be colour ; that she dawbes on euery Fable : Her truth is , to make truths and tales conuertibles : tales be her substance , her conceit , her vengeance , reconcilements , and discourse . Not one woman in the parish shall commonly be accounted honest without her licence : which must be purchasd by consenting to her motions . She makes euery new inhabitant pay the tribute of an inuitation , before she speakes well of him , or calls him neighbor : And by the vertue of a speciall mouth-glew , she cleaues readily to all acquaintance . To talke of Cookerie , or cleanlinesse , & to taxe others , is her best and onely commendation . Her lungs be euerlasting : she cannot be shortwinded : i●… those would perish , she might be recouered . She is a like dangerous with the Poxe , to the towne where she inhabites : and being pledged , or admitted among the females she infects more easily . If she railes against whoredome , it sauours not of deuotion ; for she is onely married , to escape the like scandall ; from the doore outward . She is more fugitiue then a swallow : there is no hold to be taken of her in her owne house : A venison Pasty will drawe her all ouer the parish : nay her nostrill is so quicke , that she will discouer it though it be Mutton , within a miles compasse ; and vexe all the neighbors with her impudence if she be not inuited . The buriall of a second husband giues her the title of experience ; but when she hath out-liued three , she takes authority and experience both ( as a Souldier that hath passed the pikes of three set battailes ) for granted . Her commendable antiquitie reaches not aboue fiftie ; for growing old , she growes odious to her selfe first : And to preuent the losse of company ; ( hauing liued vainly ) she commences hostesse : that alone preserues her humour . A mungrill print would b●…st expresse her Character : for she is indeed a mungrel woman or the worst part of both sexes , bound vp in one volume : seeing she corrupts the best by the vse of them .

CHARACT. XIX . An old Woman

IS one that hath seene the day : and is commonly ten yeares younger , or ten years elder by her owne confession , then the people know she is : if she desires to be youthfull accounted , you may call her Mistres , widow , or the like : but otherwise old mother , Grandam , and such names that seale antiquitie : the first she takes well , if childlesse : the last neuer well , but when shee can speake wonders to grand-children of the third generation . If they please her , she hath old harry soueraignes , that saw no sunne in fiftie yeares , to giue away on her death bed . If shee bee not toothlesse , her teeth eate more then they chaw : for I presume they are hollow . She loues the vpper end of the table , and professes much skill in Cookery : shee thinkes it also some felicitie to giue attendance about sick persons : but is the common foe to all Physitians . In agues , aches , cough , and tissickes , she confidently will vndertake to cure by prescription : if her selfe bee vntainted . As for diseases which shee knowes not , she dares proceed to Dragon-water , Holy-thistles , Worme-wood drinkes , and Clisters , without the helpe of Galen , or Hyppocrates . if she blushes at the Sunne rising , her colour changes not till bed time : and some times though she drinkes down her break-fast , by dinner time her teeth be grown , and she wil seeme to chew the cud . Shee lusts abundantly toward young women , that shee may talke as dame regent ; or fall into discourse of childbirth and midwiues . She may as safely walke amongst contagious Leapers , as into the kitchin ; and smels infection , or perfume with the same nostrill . She hath perpetually the pride of being too cleanl●…e or the adherent vice of being too sluttish . She affects behauiour in the brood of youth , and will divulge her secrets of superstition to any that wil be attentiue . She hath with many complaints of Aches in her hippes bought an Almanack to know change of weather . Enuy is to her an inseparable twinne , and though it be offensiue commonly to few , yet doth it oftentimes consume her selfe , and starue away her memory .

CHARACT. XX. A Witch

IS the Deuils Hostesse : hee takes house-roome and diet of her ; and yet shee payes the reckoning : guilty thoughts and a particular malice to some one person makes her conceiue a detestation of all : her policy of sequestration , to auoide iealousie of neighbours , detects her enuious spirit : for the melancholy darknes of her low cottage , is a mayne coniecture of infernals : her name alone ( being once mounted ) makes discourse enough for the whole parish : if not for all hamlets within six miles of the market . She receiues wages in her owne coyne : for she becomes as well the obiect of euery mans malice , as the fountaine of malice towards euery man . The torments therefore of hot Iron , and mercilesse scratching nayles , be long thought vppon , and much threatned ( by the females ) before attempted . Meane time she tolerates defiance thorough the wrathfull spittle of matrons , in stead of fuell , or maintenance to her damnable intentions : shee is therfore the ignorant cause of many Witches besides her selfe : for ceremonious auoidance brings the true title to many , although they hartily scorne the name of Witches . Her actions may well seeme to betray her high birth and pedegree : for shee doth quickly apprehend a wrong before it bee mentioned ▪ and ( like a great family ▪ takes no satisfaction which doth not infinitely counterua●…le the abuse : children therefore cannot smile vpon her without the hazard of a perpetuall wry mouth : a very Noble-mans request may be denied more safely then her petitions for butter-milke and small Beere : and a great Ladies , or Queenes name may be lesse doubtfully derided Her prayers & Amen , be a charm and a curse : her contemplations and soules delight bee other mens mischiefe : her portion & sutors be her soule , and a succubus : her highest adorations bee Yew trees , dampish Church-yards , and a fayre Moone-light : her best preseruatiues be odde numbers , and mightie Tetragramaton : these prouocations to her lust with deuills , breedes her contempt of man ; whilst she ( like one sprung from the Antipodes ) enioyes her best noone about midnight : and to make the comparison holde , is trodden vnder foote by a publicke and generall hatred ; shee is nothing , if not a Pythagorean ; for she maintaines the transmigration of spirits : these doe vphold the market of bargaine and sale among them ; which affoords all sorts of cattell at a cheaper rate then Bankes his horse , and better instructed : but ( like a prodigall ) she is out-reached , by thinking earnest is a payment ; because the day is protracted . Her affections be besotted in affection of her science ▪ She would not else delight in Toades , Mice , or spinning Cats without deuersity : it is probable she was begotten by some Mounte-banke , or Wording Poet , for she consists of as many fearefull sounds without science , and vtters them to as many delusiue purposes : She is a cunning statuary : and frames many idols these she doth worship no otherwise then with greedy scorne : and yet she is a deepe Idolater . Implication is enough with her ; to bespeake any mans picture , without his entreaty : for if it appeares that he can prouoke her , it implyes likewise that he desires to be remembred by her ; and Images be a certaine memoriall . Shee seldome liues long enough to attaine the Mysterie of Oyntments , herbs , charmes , or Incantations perfectly : for age is most incident to this corruption , and destiny preuents her . But howsoeuer shee bee past childebearing , yet shee giues sucke till the latest minute of fi●…escore and vpwards . If she out liues hempe ; a wooden halter is strong enough : vnlesse she saues a labour . But God forbid that age , simplicity , and froward accusations should be a Witches tryall .

CHARACT. XXI . A Pandar

IS the scab of a common-wealth : surfeits raise him to a blister ; necessity , and want of good Surgeons , make him a mattery sore ; whilst time and Tobacco brings him to be a dry scale . He is commonly the vpshot of a yonger brother , who lackes Honestie and Inheritance ; or the remainder of a ●…rodigall , who hath lost them and himselfe . His Etymologie is Pawne-dare : which intimates , hee dares pawne his soule to damnation ; or his stolne parcels to the Brokers . Or you may call Pandar , quasi pinne the dore . Bawdy songs and he came both in together , for he is no generous companion except he can sing , and also compose stinking ditties . He hath beene a great hunter vp & downe in his daies , and therefore ( it is no wonder ) if towards a decay he become Warrener . Arts he studies not ; neither wishes any but Rhetoricke to catch maiden-heads . He is the deuils Country-man or indeed acquaintance : therefore in the deuils absence hee proues his Deputie ; and welcomes customers with fire-workes : a pipe of Tobacco , & a h●…t Q●…eane . He is a corrup●… 〈◊〉 : ●…or he hath made 〈◊〉〈◊〉 deriuation of body . 〈◊〉 Vsher-like attendance on Publike whores hath made Coaches frequent ; to distingush them & Priuate Ones . His valour is expressed in blacke patches ( much about roaring Boyes humour ) but playsters , which expresse him more ventrous , hee conceales . He wishes to be the first teacher of a Nouice : and ( being so admitted his Tutor ) hee first teaches him to beware of adultery and theft , by bringing him into danger of both , before he deserues it . And with those two vices he doth first accuse him , because himselfe is best acquainted with those two . He may truely boast if he returnes from warre , that hee returnes wounded to the bones ; for he was wounded so before he went . If he be married , hee hath diuorced himselfe , because his wife was honest , & so means to continue : or ( being dishonest ) because she was odiously deformed , not worthy to entice others ▪ In the vacation time he teach●…s his whores the knowledge of false Dice & cheating , by way of recreation ; or he trauailes to get money with his Monsters at Sturbridge faire . His Greed is a matter of three Articles , and them he beleeues actually : First , that there is no God : secondly , that all women , and more especially that all Citizens wiues , bee , or would bee , common , or peculiar whores : and lastly , that all things are lawfull , which can escape the Lawes danger : good examples therefore preuaile with him , as showers among the stones they make him more slipperie & studious to deceiue the people : For the more people be seasond with good examples , the more ready he is to intrappe them ; not to imitate . His Fellowships be retired , and within dores : for being abroad , he is a sober lumpe of villany ; delighting vnsociably ( like a Cut-purse , & for the same reason ) rather in multitudes then ciuill numbers . The ●…awd and Hee , are chiefe confederats : with whom together , ( as occasion happens ) the Constable hath standing wages to be an assistant ; euery way as Hee being ready to disturbe or not disturbe their customers , a●… they shall instruct him dangerous as the other two . Bowling allies , di●…ing-howses , and Tobacco shops , be the Temples , which he and his fraternitie of Roarers , haue erected to Mercury and Fortune : In the two first , he doth acknowledge their Deity : in the last he offers smoaking incense to them both , in recompence of booty gotten by Chance and cheating . If the Gallowes be disappointed of his desteny ; they can blame nothing but his tender bones , which could not brooke so long a iourney ; or a whores quarell , whilst Wine was his Leader .

Honest men are afraid of him and knaues and whores bee suspicious of him ; for he is an euill spirit ▪ hee was neuer generally commended but when hee went to hanging ; then hee was commended ( doubtlesse ) for a propperman : for euery fellow with an entire doublet is called propper man when hee rides to Tiburne .

CHARACT. XXII . A Friend

IS one of the waightiest sillables ( God excepted ) that English or any Language doth afford . He is neerer to me then marriage , or naturall kindred of the same bloud ; because loue without kindred or ceremony , is more to be admired ; and by the consequent more precious . Marriage and Kindred goes oftentimes no further then the Name or Body : but friendship is annexed with vnanimity . My Friend therfore is either disposed ( as I am ) well : or well disposed to make me better . His multitude of acquaintance doth not extenuate his loue , nor deuide his affection . His lower fortunes be not distasted , not dissembled , nor swolne bigger then they bee . He must not be imployed in trifles and continually , like a seruant ; nor with expectation , like a Sonne : For an absolute Friend will finish ( when importance calles ) It a me dijament , tardo amico nihil est quiequam iniquius . Plau. In 〈◊〉 . Act 13. before he can be requested . He therefore among all , confutes the saying of * * Profferd Ware stinks Wares profferd : For what a Friend giues freely , either to preuent request , or to * Inuendibili merci oportot vl●…ro emptorem adducere : proba meix facile emptorem reperit . ib●…dem . 〈◊〉 a modest silence ) inchants 〈◊〉 party . Hee is much dearer , then my leggs and armes , for he is my body and my soule together . His honour is true loue : which being so , hee loues because he will not , & not because he cannot alter : That man cannot alter , who cannot with honesty disclaime affection ; as being tyed with dotage or fauour●… aboue merrit and requitall : But friends will not : which signifies that their loue depends vpon approbation of the naked man . A Friend therfore must be freely chosen not painfully created : for iealousies and feares intrude when fauours be not mutuall ; if fauours bee the first beginning . He is manifest to me , whilst inuisible to the world : and is indeed much about the making of this Character ; little in worth and little pleasing at the first sight . Hee is able and willing , to councell , to perform . A second meeting thinkes him fitt ; A second tryall knowes him a fit Friend . The meere imagination of a friends loue is an inchanted armor : my heart is impenetrable whilst I weare the comfort : for whether I suruiue or dye , my Friend pre-serues me . Time nor anger can dissolue his amity : for either he submits and I pardon , or I submit & he pardons . Hee is like a true Christian , that vndertakes & suffers for Christs sake as a freind for his freinds sake with equall ioy , both credit and discredit , rest and trauaile . Being once had , a freind is full enough , and true a needles epithite : for I am his , he mine : and being so , we are one to another the best or no freinds . It is foolish Paganisme to worship the suns rising , which doth regard al alike with his Idolaters : and it is crazy dotage for any to honour that freind , who prostitutes his fauour to the * * Popular men cannot be perfect freinds . 〈◊〉 seu beatitudo est perfect ▪ 〈◊〉 bon●…m huma●… actio●… : Ethi●… . worlds liking . A perfect freind , thinkes freindship his felicity : without which estimation , the neerest freindship , is but a sociable custome : for man hath neuer made an action perfect , vnlesse he drew felicitie from his actions nature .

CHARACT. XXIII . A sicke Machiauell Pollititian

IS a baked meate for the deuill ; and a dinner of dainties for Phisitians : the villany which makes him fit for the deuils banquet , is close and priuate : but his bountie to preuaile with phisicke is prodigall . He is in securitie a * * Contingen ▪ dicitur quod est , & poterat non esse : possibile , quod non est & potest esse . Mol : lib. 1. fol. 50 contingent Gull ; in death a possible confusion : for sicknes lookes for him , before he looked for it ; vnlesse he poysons himselfe : therefore he is taken vnprouided ; so , proues a gull : And vpon deaths approach , he feeles a tumult within himselfe because he looked no sooner . He thinkes vpon his lifes proceedings , either with careles Infidelitie , or sorrow to be interrupted : and he fi●…des no shifting pollicy to answere his lowd conscience , but only this , * * Arte hon●…st a bene●…iceat 〈◊〉 in-honest Turrian 〈◊〉 ▪ which being prou●…d by many 〈◊〉 deuises ●…s also ma●… in the most no●… table st●…ry reckond by 〈◊〉 . P●…r 〈◊〉 de mag●… natur : of 〈◊〉 fol. 〈◊〉 . ●…estus : quivis homo 〈◊〉〈◊〉 appel●… 〈◊〉 . ar●… d●…luditur arte : meaning that it was lawfull for him to cousen the world , which otherwise would haue consend him . Religious I cannot call him ; * sacer I may call him iustly : for hee among the Romans was entitled sacer , who by the people was generally condemned ; a●…d such is the generall fortune of a Pollitician , when he growes sicke and toward a conclusion . In health he was like the Nimph Echo mentioned in Outds Fables : for he was alway deeply in loue with his owne pollicy ; but pollicie * * 〈◊〉〈◊〉 ver●… in sonum 〈◊〉 ▪ despising to be his safegard against sicknes , he turnes ( as Echo did ) into noyse : for none is spoken of , so much as a Pollitician neere his death . It is deliuered , that the * * 〈◊〉 ▪ lib. 14. c. 8. Romans chose no Senatour till he had worne his age by likelyhood past the meaning and sence of pleasure : Destiny hath taken the same order with a Pollitician : For he is neuer admitted to his infernal dignity , til he grows decrepit ; and almost weary of himselfe . But I admire how poyson should molest him : because he & poyson haue bene the most assured friends and familiars . The faculties of his soule are much indebted to the deuill : for he hath borrowed many darke inuentions from his patterne : and therefore like a Bankro●…t he dares not walke abroad out of his body ; least he should be arrested by the deuils officers . He may be truly likend to the couetous man ; who scornes to be accounted poore , and is vnwilling to be accounted rich : A Pollititian likewise will not , in sicknes nor in health seeme careles of religion , as if he wanted piety ; nor scrupulous in conuersation , as if he dealt only with Puritans . When he was lusty and in perfect health , his agents were like the Tinkers dog , which carries his maisters budget and knowes no meaning of the tooles : but when he falls sicke he makes euery messenger know his griefe . As * * Herodot●… lib. 6. Era : 4. 18. si ex capite Simulacri flamma 〈◊〉 ●…ore vt vrbem ab 〈◊〉 cap●…ret , c●… veró epec●…ore fulgur extiterit id omne fuisse con●…ectum quod deus 〈◊〉 ●…ici vo●… Cleomines interpreted the fire which brake from Iunoes Image , so may we interpret a Pollititians sicknes : If it proceeds from his heads deuises , as when he counterfeits to worke some subtlety , then we may looke that he will prevaile and recouer : but when his paines proceed really from the hart , we may then imagine that he can goe no farther . He makes me think of many Gamesters ; who play cunningly while they can loose little ; but when they hazard a round purchase , they proue arrant bunglers : and so the Pollitician is a most accurate gamester whilst hee doth only hazard some reparable fortune , but now he ventures the maine happines , life , he quailes and growes faint-hearted . In health he presumes to be so much a man , that he will gouerne monarchyes and men : but being ( as I haue superscribed him ) Sicke , he shewes himselfe a little childe , which cryes most when it is vndressing , and made ready for the Cradle . His pollicyes were of a fine thrid , quicke and liuely : sicknes therefore lumpish , agrees worse with him , then durty weather and silke stockings . You may perceiue when honest men dissemble , easily : for they will seeme distracted and will stammer in conference : because they feele their meaning and their speech diuided ; which pulls them two contrary wayes at once : But a curious Politician dissembles more intricately : because he will not listen to his hearts meaning , when he shadowes hate or piety with appearance : and therfore we are much beholding to his extreame sicknesse : for then hee is so farre from coulouring his anguish , that he discouers many more faintings then he needs . Death and sicknes makes him differ from a vegetable : For as a vegetable consists of Salt , Sulphur and Mercury ; so likewise a Politician excells in three like properties : Wit , Sudden execution , and Enuy : but this makes the difference : A vegetable yeelds the qualities , when it selfe perishes : A Politician , when he is best in health . No maruell though he be danted when hee remembers the next world , though in a staggering beleefe : for by the warrant of potions , gloues , sallets , priuy stubbs , and false accusers , he hath sent so many thither before him , that hee may iustly feare they will sue an appeale against him . Sicknes and importunacy to recouer health layes him open to a double mischief ; Death and Dishonor of manhood : For he tha●… craues helpe where helpe cannot be afforded , suffers a double grie●…e ; want and dispaire : as hee that walkes vnder a narrowe pent-house to shield himselfe from raine , f●…eles a double shower ; droppings from heauen , and euesdropps . A Politician holds that opinion of aduancement which the * * ●…us Lae●…us so 140. pars orbis septentrionalis prospera putatur ob altitudinem Roman South-sayers held of the North-side : he thinkes it fortunate because it is aboue the vulgar : and therefore is he most vnwilling to decline , because death makes * * Mors sceptra ligonibus oequat . Hor: carm ▪ lib. 2. aequality . Howsoeuer it is vnto him a greater sorrow to meditate the way of death , then to be dead ; for being dead he looks for no disquiet . But after death his name growes old with being odious , like that infortunate * * Rufus F●…stus in breui ar●…o fol. 372 captus autem Valerianus in dedecore Seruitutis consenuits Valerian , whose age was long , but taedious and disgracefull .

CHARACT: XXIIII . A Page

IS an abridgement of greater charges , sprung from the destruction of hospitality and surloignes . He had neede be wel garded : for he is too little to defend himselfe : and yet hee hath proued himselfe a tall champion ; for he and a footeman haue driuen away many valiant Bucklers , and Blew-coates . When hee serues a Master , it may be the title of his function to bee squire of the body , for he waites neere about his person , and carries his weapons : being little hee is my Ladies Iewell : therefore shee thinkes him pretious ; and finds no faulte with him but because he lacks weight : which is often times the weake reason why my Lady liues honest . Though hee bee little , hee hath a reasonable soule : but I can see little difference betwixt him and a Mounkey : they both serue to passe away time ; and almost in the same manner : being either to be whipped or handled , or to be looked vpon . It seemes to me that his parents doubted of his long life ; and therefore they take a course betimes that hee may know the world before hee dies , and learn experience while he liues : for before he grows to a yards length , he hath wickednede enough taught him , to damne a thrise bigger body with out originall sinne . He and a wench differ most in apparel He hath power to entise : for hee takes by gift a lease for yeers of Cupids diety ▪ which ha●…h continuance no longer then he is vnder growth . Among all of what condition and degree soeuer , he will be drunke most early and betimes in the morning : for he learnes to stagger at twelue and to bee dead drunke at fifteene : which is , to be drunke almost by fiue a clock in the morning : for fifteene yeeres of age , is three quarters past foure ; reckoning foure yeeres to an houre from the natiuity . Hee belongs most commonly to the man ; but hee is the womans play-fellow . Hee is much about the bignesse of Hercules his foote ; the impression whereof ( according to Herodotus ) amounted to two cubits * 〈◊〉 Hercules ostendunt petrae 〈◊〉〈◊〉〈◊〉 sim●…le ▪ 〈◊〉 ubitali magnitudine : uxta 〈◊〉〈◊〉 . 〈◊〉 : lib 4. 〈◊〉 . s. 288. length : But whereas the same author saith that the great region of Exampei afforded little worth noting besides Hercules , his foote , I may protest it afforded nothing in comparison of a Page : for that being a region of two thousand miles compas , had onely an impression of two cubits : but a Page in the little compasse of two Cubits , hath a whole worlde of Roguery : which hee may perhappes iustifie according to his Oath because he cannot well discerne that his oath is better broken then kept : & so does nothing against his conscience . He smells after the waighting-gentlewoman , as Fancy my Ladies dog , after the great Spaniell-bitch : he proffers sayre , but can doe little to the purpose . Hee speakes Bawdy freely as if it were his mother tongue : but he cannot bee so bad as his word . And thus by meere chaunce with a little dash I haue drawne the picture of a Pigmey .

I thinke it the most vnprofitable , inhumane , and wretched basenesse , to multiply the least affliction ; much more to triumph in a great mans sorrow : if therfore thou didst expect some sawcynesse , like to the late elegies , vnder this title , repent thy folly before thou makest it knowne .

CHARACT. XXV . An honest Shepheard

IS a man that well verifies the Latine peece , qui bene latuit bene vixit : hee liues well that liues retired : for hee is alwayes thought the most innocent because hee is least publicke : and certainely I cannot well resolue you whether his sheepe or hee be more innocent . Giue him fat●…e Lambes , and faire weather and he knowes no happines beyond them . He shewes most fitly among all professions , that * * Natura paucis con●… . nature is contented with a little for the sweete fountaine is his fayrest alehouse ; the sunny ban●…e his best chamber . Adam had neuer lesse need of neighbors frendship ; nor was at any time troubled with neighbors enuy lesse then hee : The next groaue or thicket will defend him from a shower : and if they be not so fauourable , his homely pallace is not farre distant . He proues quietnes to be best contentment , and that there is no quietnes like a certaine rest . His flock affords him his whole rayment , outside and linings , cloath and leather : and in stead of much costly linnen , his little garden yeelds hemp enough to make his lockrum shirts : which doe preserue his body sweetend against courtitch and poxes , as a scare-cloath sweetens carcasles . Hee giues the iust Epitome of a contented man : for he is neither daunted with lightning and thunder , nor ouer ioyed with spring-time & haruest . His duly life is a delight full worke , whatsoeuer the worke be ; whether to mend his garments , cure a diseased sheep , instruct his Dogge , or change pastures : and these be pleasant actions , because voluntary , patient not interrupted . He comprehends the true patterne of a moderate wise man : for as a shepheard so a moderate man hath the supremacy ouer his thoughts and passions : neither hath he any affection of so wilde a nature , but he can bring it into good order , with an easie whistle . The worst temptation of his idlenesse teaches him no further mischiefe , then to loue entirely some nut-brown milke-maid , or hunt the squirrell , or make his Cosset wanton . Hee may turne many rare esteemed Phisitians into shame and blushing : for whereas they with infinite compounds and fayre promises , doe carry men to death , the f●…rthest way about ; he with a few simples preserues himselfe and familie , to the most lengthned sufferance of nature . Tarre and Honey be his mithridates and syrups ; the which together with a Christmas Caroll , desend his desolate life from cares and melancholy . With little knowledg and a simple saith , he purifies ●…is honest soule , in the same manner as he can wash his body in an obscure fountaine , better then in the wide Ocean . When hee seemes lazy and void of action , I dare approue his harmles negligence , rather then many approued mens diligence . Breifely he is the perfect allegory of a most blessed gouernor : And he that wil pursue the tropes inuention , may make this Character a volume .

CHARACT: XXVI . A Taylors man

IS a Coniunction copulatiue : He makes things hang together ; & when his master seperates , he reconciles . A man would thinke he might bee trusted ; for hee goes thorough stitch with businesse . He sits brooding like a Goose vpon the shop boord , and hatches parcells out of peeces . He will be any mans sumpter-horse , between six and eight in the morning : and hee lookes for twelue pence , or a tester to bring men acquainted with their owne cloathes . He loues bread by custome ; for it is a part of his trade to bee a binder Hee thinkes it no sinne to second his Maister : and therfore when his maister hath done stealing , hee begins . He doth or may resolue by vertue of his Indentures to feele a two-folde itch , though his indenture specifies faire vsage and cleane linnen : And he holds it lawfull to shrugg vpon the shop-boord , but rather then hee will wriggle before Gentlemen , he dares be bitten to the marrow . The Basilisk and Eagle cannot match his eye-sight : for hee can looke through buffe , or three-piled veluet , but with his needles eye . Hee will stoope to your very breeches to doe you good , though you disgrace him vtterly . He carryes alwaies about him the picture of * * 〈◊〉〈◊〉 : ●… 〈◊〉 Iuas repetitum vene●… olim , Grex auium p●…umas , mo●…eat 〈◊〉〈◊〉〈◊〉〈◊〉 da a colo●…bus . Horaces crow : but hee perceiues no such matter : he weares his apparrell by leaue of the peoples ignorance : for if euery customer could challenge his owne remnant , hee would be stript naked . He needs not vse the Corn cutter ; for the slip-shoe fauours him . Call his theft in question , and hee condemnes himselfe : for he pleads auncient custome ; whereas Antiquity punish'd * * 〈◊〉 furrunt tem 〈◊〉〈◊〉〈◊〉 ●…ra 〈◊〉 : ma 〈◊〉〈◊〉 nec in ●…ndestum , e●… con●… qui 〈◊〉 ●…urtum non manifestum duplionem lui●…o . 〈◊〉〈◊〉 : apud 〈◊〉 : close theeuery of that kinde , with a double payne . Hee hath little or nothing to plead christianity and courage , but sitting crosse-leg'd : Which property makes him reuerence the Knight semplars , and thinke that his profession hath beene of the same order Hee hath no more courage then will serue to commend his owne workman-ship : And you may know as well when a Blackamore is dead , as when hee dissembles by the countenance . He deceiues freely , with small discredit , and lesse shame ; as some Phisitians that bee Noble-mens Panders : It is incident to the profession , and past finding out . Hee neede not wonder why the ●…owse should trouble his , more , then other Trades : for his garments haue more seames then two or three sutes together . Or you may think it reason , that he should be bitten outwardly with Lice , because hee scornes to be bitten inwardly with Conscience . Little familiarity serues to make him ( as likewise all clownish Trades-men ) your aequall , without the Heralds pitty . Tearing off his apparell , is the least wrong you can offer him : for hee hath his mends in his own hand . He can shew nothing to proue himselfe worth the name of Man ; but his denomination of a Taylors man : Which argues most against him ; and proues him to bee a Cowards coward : For being a Seruant , hee must feare his Maister , who feares all men of spirit . A paire of sheeres and a pressing Iron , are his cheife goods and purchase . You may sooner make his thimble holde water , without stopping , then his fancy keepe one fashion . Breifly he consists of shreds and remnants ; yet oftentimes there goes but a paire of sheeres betwixt him and a Gentleman : For many Gentlemen consist of out-side , in which the Taylors man takes part .

CHARACT. XXVII . A Fidler

IS , when he playes well a delight only for them who haue their hearing : but is , when he playes ill , a delight only for them who haue not their hearing ; and is alwaies a trouble ●… Diogines calls a bad Mu●…itiā the mo●…nings Cocke ; because al that heare him , rise , & leaue him . I ae●…t . lib. 6. ●…ol. 176. to himselfe , because he heares too much : his head is wider then his braine , by so much as a Carriers boot is wider then his leg ; much about halfe in halfe . Hee may best endure to fall groueling in a puddle : For it is part of his profession to be a scraper . He is like the Nomades , a wanderer from his child-hood : there is no certainty of his abiding : he cannot be bound prentise ; for iourny-man-like hee trauailes from place to place , seeking to be set on worke before he hath learnt his trade . Being suddenly entertained without agreement , he is suddenly turnd out of dores , without giuing offence . He doth enquire out Gentlemens names and lodgings as if he purposed to lye in waite for an arrest : and the truth proues little otherwise : For he doth arrest men by their ears though they haue beene in the Pillory . he hath his morning , his mid-day , and his euening deuotion : Wherein praying for others he findes his owne blessing . His company stand like the foremen of a Iury , to giue in their verdict ; and he doth alwaies make two or three shillings be cast ; or as much as you please to giue him . He is not worth a fiddle-sticke without nimble fingers ; and they be the surest good quality to make him suspected . Hope of imployment driues him vp to London : and he thinkes that an vnlucky day in terme , which is not a day of hearing . He bids God giue your worship good morrow , in the most dolefull and scuruy fashion ; that his musicke may relish the better . A new song and a base-Viall makes him . He deceiues with his commodity worse then a Tobacco-man : For he will vtter Peg of Ramsey , and the Maske of Lincolnes Inne , both for one prise . It is not materiall how soundly , but how long he hath laid time asleepe : for that is indeed his faculty ; to be a temporall inchanter . He is a defended night-walker : and vnder priuiledge of Musicke takes occasion to disquiet men , who had rather sleepe , then heare him . disquiet is not all the danger he brings with him : for he can send his little spirit of Musick vpon a ladder of Lute-strings , into your priuate chamber : and enforce you to picke your own pockets that he may depart contented . He disproues the rule in Logicke ; quod efficit tale magis est tale : The workman is more excel-cellent then his worke : for he hath wit enough to tune his Viall though his wits are alwaies vntunable . Fidlers may haue the same conceit , which * * Potentiae Romanoru prior 〈◊〉 viam aperuit , luxuriae posterior aperuit : Paterculus lib. 2. Scipio had among the Romans : the former Scipio increasd Romes power : the last , Romes luxury : and Fidlers at first were instruments of the warres ; but now of ryot . Hee lookes more to be commended by the companies ignorance then his good Musicke , & more by their bounty then by their ignorance . His braines are ( like the Mackerell ) a drie meate ; and and therefore they must be butterd with songs and ballads , or they bee worth nothing : the tunes warme his head , and keep it boyling : he doth apprehend tunes ( as the Beadle apprehends beggars ) when they be vagrant : that they may worke together in the bridewell of his noddle , to maintaine themselues and him . The tippets of his eare be noynted with an invisible Oyle of custome ; which serues to catch tunes as birdlime catches flyes ; and , being taken , one catches another . He dares intrude by vertue of his profes●…i on , not of his vocation : For hee comes without calling : but he will neither proue a delight nor trouble to any man against his will : and therefore he beginns thus ; Will it please you to haue any Musicke ? If that Musicke rather please you , call for the Fiddler himselfe .

CHARACT. XXVIII . An Executioner

IS a husbandman ; belonging to that great Lordship of the world a prison . Hee goes to cart commonly with vs , in these quarters ; and sometimes to harrowes with a hurdle . hee hath lawful reason to be lazy : for his haruest and seede time are at other mens appointment : malefactors are his graine ; which sowes it selfe in mischief ; while hee sleepes and dreames of no such matter : the sherife his landlord appointes the time of reaping : the ground about the gallowes is his garden plot : from whence he gathers . Hemp , Flax and woollen dressed ready to his hand . Vpon that fruitful bowgh the gallowes , he doth ingraft his medlars : when he gathers them he contents himselfe only with parings : for knowing that their inwards be good for nothing til they be rotten , hee buries them in the ground , that they may ●…ipen & wax mellow : but he cannot looke to enioy them : for they be neuer fully ripe vntil the resurrection . The blood of ●…arles and Barons , are as a fruitfull rayne to him : for it betokens & begets his plenty . With saplesse worme-eaten trunkes of ●…ereticks , he makes a bonefire ; to signifie Gods gratious deliuerance of our king and kingdom , from the like danger : and when the peoples heads ( like to the tops of trees ) are ouerladen with sowre fruite , hee prunes their head ▪ branches in the pillory . But when he pares away the top close to the trunke and body , it must be intended that the body and soule will flourish better within a while after . Vilaines turne hangmenn , as Serpents turne Dragons : a * * Serpens n●…Serpentem com ederitnon fit Draco , serpent eats a serpent , before it is made aDragon : and a villaine hangs a villaine before he may be called Hangman . He doth obserue state in his action : for his place of presence is exceeding well hanged . The taylor cannot cousen him : his wardtobe affords choyse of garments . He resembles the gouernment of a notable tyrant ▪ he lookes to the bringing vp of his fauourites , and helpes to their bringing downe : he hath many dependant followers : for ( as the prouerb saith ) hangman leades the dance : but he behaues himselfe towardes them like a cruell master : for when they haue once shewed him a slippery trick , he puls their cloath ouer their eares , & turnes them out of seruice . Hee is one of the most dangerous ignorant people ( except the Maior and Aldermen ) that keepes about corporations : there is no dealing with him vnder the prise of a broken ioynt ▪ you may well thinke his weapons are vnmercyfull ; for his Hangers are a deadly torment . He can dispatch and Execute past amendment : but the meaning of aduise he knows no●… for who can tell mee of a hangman that giues counsell ? he was neuer so much in loue with his trade as when the man preferd Tyburne before Burmuda : and I am halfe perswaded that if hee had but a balladmakers poetry , he would sooner make an Epitaph for that freind to the gallowes , then any prince in Christendom : till he turnes poet he may be thus furnished .

Here lies a wretch so louing to the rope , He chose it rather then Bermudas hope : I blush to thinke the fellow heere remaines , He was soworthy to be hangd in Chaynes .

A Postscript .

THe presse hath , in stead of pressing faults to death , begotten many faults in spight of all my diligence : It shall be therefore the weakest part of thy iudgement ( reader ) to discerne the superfluity and defect of points , words , or letters . And for the few Latine quotations added in this last copie , it is left altogether to thy discretion , to thinke I meant to acknowledge euery part of allusions : And to distinguish this from the learning which lyes , in mother-tongue translations : But beware of trusting the margents ; for they bee shamefully corrupted by the printers negligence . Turne ouer to the sixt impression of S. Thomas Ouerburyes wife ; and you may find the mad-Dogs foame specified in my title sheet .

FINIS .

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