Gammer Gurton's Needle Stevenson, William This text is an enriched version of the TCP digital transcription A12969 of text S111290 in the English Short Title Catalog (STC 23263). Textual changes and metadata enrichments aim at making the text more computationally tractable, easier to read, and suitable for network-based collaborative curation by amateur and professional end users from many walks of life. The text has been tokenized and linguistically annotated with MorphAdorner. The annotation includes standard spellings that support the display of a text in a standardized format that preserves archaic forms ('loveth', 'seekest'). Textual changes aim at restoring the text the author or stationer meant to publish. Martin Mueller Incompletely or incorrectly transcribed words were reviewed and in many cases fixed by Hannah Bredar This text has not been fully proofread EarlyPrint Project Evanston IL, Notre Dame IN, St.Louis, Washington MO 2017 Distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License A12969.xml A ryght pithy, pleasaunt and merie comedie: intytuled Gammer gurtons nedle played on stage, not longe a go in Christes Colledge in Cambridge. Made by Mr. S. Mr. of Art. 21 600dpi TIFF G4 page images University of Michigan, Digital Library Production Service Ann Arbor, Michigan 2004 November (TCP phase 1) 99846663 STC (2nd ed.) 23263. Greg, I, 67(a). 11647 A12969 2240901422

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 A ryght pithy, pleasaunt and merie comedie: intytuled Gammer gurtons nedle played on stage, not longe a go in Christes Colledge in Cambridge. Made by Mr. S. Mr. of Art. Gammer Gurtons nedle. Stevenson, William, d. 1575, Bridges, John, d. 1618, [40] p. In Fleetestreat beneth the Conduit at the signe of S. Iohn Enangelist [sic] by Thomas Colwell, Imprynted at London : [1575] 1553

Gammer Gurton's needle.

Sometimes attributed to William Stevenson and to John Bridges; misattributed to John Still.

Publication date from colophon.

Signatures: A-E4.

Running title reads: Gammer Gurtons nedle.

Title-page variants: (1): "anp" for "and" in second line; (2) "impr nted"; (3) "imprented".

Reproduction of the original in the Henry E. Huntington Library and Art Gallery.

 A12969 shc Gammer Gurton's Needle Stevenson, William Hannah Bredar 1553 play comedy shc no A12969 S111290 (STC 23263). 42 18601 0 0 0 2 2 0 1.07 B The rate of 1.07 defects per 10,000 words puts this text in the B category of texts with fewer than 10 defects per 10,000 words. Incorporated ~ 10,000 textual changes made to the SHC corpus by Hannah Bredar, Kate Needham, and Lydia Zoells between April and July 2015 during visits, separately or together, to the Bodleian, Folger and Houghton Libraries as well as the Rare Book Libraries at Northwestern University and the University of Chicago British Museum, G 11209; later facs 1910, Robarts - University of Toronto, ABH-2729

A Ryght Pithy , Pleasaunt and merie Comedie : Intytuled Gammer gurtons Needle : Played on Stage , not longe ago in Christes Colledge in Cambridge .

Made by Mr. S. Mr. of Art .

Imprynted at London in Fleetestreat beneth the Conduit at the signe of S. Iohn Euangelist by Thomas Colwell .

The names of the Speakers in this Comedie . Diccon the Bedlem . Hodge Gammer Gurtons seruante . Tyb Gammer Gurtons mayde . Gammer Gurton . Docke Gammer Gurtons boye . Dame Chatte , Doctor Rat the Curate . Mayster Baylye . Doll Dame Chattes mayde . Scapethryft mayst Beylies seruante .

Mutes .

God Saue the Queene .
The Prologue . AS Gammer Gurton , with manye a wyde styche Sat pesynge & patching of Hodg her mans briche By chance or misfortune as shes her geare tost In Hodge lether bryches her needle shee lost , When Diccon the bedlem had hear by report That good Gammer Gurton was robde in thys sorte , He quyetly perswaded with her in that stound Dame Chat her deare gossyp this needle had found , Yet knew shee no more of this matter ( alas ) Then knoeth Tom our clarke what the Priest saith at masse Here of there ensued so fearfull a fraye , Mas Doctor was sent for these gossyps to staye , Because he was Curate , and estemed full wyse Who found that he sought not , by Diccous deuice , When all thinges were tombled and cleane out of fassion Whether it were by fortune , or some other constellacion Sodenlye the neele Hodge found by the prickynge And drew it out of his bottocke where he felt it stickynge Theyr hartes then at rest with perfect securytie , With a pot of good nale they stroake vp theyr plauditie .
The fyrst Acte .
The fyrst Sceane . Diccon . Diccon MAny a myle haue I walked , diuers and sundry waies And many a good mans house haue I bin at in my daies Many a gossips cup in my tyme haue I tasted And many a broche and spyt , haue I both turned and basted Many a peece of bacon haue I had out of thir balkes In ronnyng ouer the countrey , with long and were walkes , Yet came my foote neuer , within those doore cheekes , To seeke flesh or fysh , Garlyke , Onyons or Leckes . That euer I saw a sorte , in such a plyght As here within this house appereth to my syght , There is howlynge and scowlyng , all cast in adumpe , With whewling and pewling , as though they had lost a trump Syghing and sobbing , they weepe and they wayle I maruell in my mynd , what the deuill they ayle The olde Trot syts groning , with alas and alas , And Tib wringes her hands , and takes on in worse case With poore Cocke theyr boye , they be dryuen in such fyts I feare mee the folkes be not well in theyr wyts , Aske them what they ayle , or who brought them in this staye ? They aunswer not at all , but alacke and welaway Whan I saw it booted not , out at doores I hyed mee And caught a slyp of Bacon , when I saw that none spyed mee , Which I intend not far hence , vnles my purpose fayle Shall serue for a shoinghorne to draw on two pots of ale .
The fyrst Arte . The second Sceane . Hodge . Diccon . Hodge SEe so ch am arayed with dablynge in the durt She that set me to ditchinge , ich wold she had the squrt Was neuer poore soule that such a life had ? Gogs bones thys vylthy glaye hase drest mee to bad Gods soule , see how this stuffe teares Iche were better to bee a Bearward and set to keepe Beares By the Masse here is a gasshe , a shamefull hole in deade And one stytch teare furder , a man may thruste in his heade . Diccon By my fathers soule Hodge , if I shulde now be sworne I can not chuse but say thy breech is foule be torne , But the next remedye in such a case and hap Is to plaunche on a piece , as brode as thy cap. Hodge Gogs soule man , t is not yet two dayes fully ended Synce my dame Gurton ( them sure ) these breches amended , But ch am made suce a drudge to trudge at euery neede I hwold rend it though it were stitched what sturdy pacthreede , Diccon Hoge , let thy breeches go , and speake and tell mee soone What deuill ayleth gammer gurton , & Tib her mayd to frowne , Hodge Tush man th art deceyued , t ys theyr dayly looke , They coure so ouer the coles , theyr eyes be bleard with smooke , Diccon Nay by the masse , I perfectly perceiued as I came hether That eyther Tib & her dame hath ben by the cares to gether Or els as great a matter as thou shalt shortly see . Hodge Now iche besceche our Lord they neuer better agree . Diccon By gogs soule there they syt as still as stones in the streite As though they had ben taken with fairies or els with some il sprite Hodge Gogs hart , I durst haue layd my cap to a crowne Chwould lerne of some prancome as sone as ich came to town . Diccon Why Hodge art thou inspyred ? or dedst thou therof here ? Hodge Nay , but ich saw such a wonder as ich saw nat this . vii. yere Tome Tannkards Cow ( be gogs bones ) she set me vp her saile And flynging about his halfe aker fysking with her taile , As though there had ben in her ars a swarme of Bees , And ch ad not cryed tphrowh hoore , shead lept out of his Lees . Diccon Why Hodg lies the connyng in Tom tankards cowes taile ? Hodge Well ich chaue hard some say such tokens do not fayle , But cast thou not till in faith Diccon , why she frownes or wher at Hath no man stolne her Ducks or Henes , or gelded gyb her Cat Diccon What deuyll can I tell man , I cold not haue one word They gaue no more hede to my talk then thou woldst to a lorde Hodge Iche can not styll but muse , what meruaylous thinge it is Ch yll in and know my selfe what matters are amys . Diccon . Then farewell hodge a while , synce thou doest inward hast , For I will into the good wyfe Chats , to feele how the ale dooth taste .
The fyrst Acre . The thyrd Sceane . Hodge . Tyb . Hodge Ch am agast by the masse , ich wot not what to do Chad nede blesse me well before ich go them to Perchaunce some felon sprit may haunt our house indeed , And then chwere but at noddy to venter where cha no neede Tib , Ch am worse then mad by the masse to be at this staye Ch am chyd , ch am blamd , and beat on all th oures on the daye , Lamed and hunger storued , prycked vp all in Iagges Hauyng no patch to hyde my backe , saue a few rotten ragges . Hodge I say Tyb , if thou be Tyb , as I trow sure thou bee , What deuyll make a doe is this , betweene our dame and thee . Tyb . Gogs breade Hodg thou had a good turne thou warte not here this whyle . It had ben better for some of vs to haue ben hence a myle My Gammer is so out of course , and frantyke all at ones That Cocke our boy , I poore wench , haue felt it on our bones . Hodge ; What is the matter , say on Tib wherat she taketh so on . Tyb . She is vndone she sayth ( alas , ) her ioye and life is gone If shee here not of some comfort , she is sayth but dead Shall neuer come within her lyps , one inch of meate ne bread . Hodge By r Ladie ch am not very glad , to see her in this dumpe Ch olde a noble her stole hath fallen , & shee hath broke her rumpe Tyb . Nay and that were the worst , we wold not greatly care For bursting of her huckle bone , or breakyng of her Chaire , But greatter , greater , is her grief , as hodge we shall all feele . Hodge Gogs woundes Tyb , my gammer has neuer lost her Neele ? Tyb . Her Neele . Hodge Her Neele ? Tyb , Her neele by him that made me , it is true Hodge I tell thee . Hodge Gogs sacrament , I would she had lost , th arte out of her bellie The Deuill or els his dame , they ought her sure a shame How a murryon came this chaunce , ( say Tib ) vnto our dame ? Tyb My gammer sat her downe on her pes , & had me reach thy breeches And by & by , a vengeance in it or she had take two stitches To clap a clout vpon thine ars , by chaunce a syde she leares And gyb our cat in the milke pan , she spied ouer head and eares Ah hore , out these , she cryed aloud , & swapt the breches downe Up went her staffe , and out leapt gyb , at doors into the towne And synce that time was neuer wyght , cold set their eies vpon it Gogs malison ch aue Cocke and I , byd twenty times light on it . Hodge And is not then my breches sewid vp , to morow that I shuld were Tyb No in faith hodge thy breeches lie for al this neuer the nere . Hodge Now a vegeauce light on al the sort , that better shold haue kept it , The cat , the house , and tib our maid , that better shold haue swept it Se where we commeth crawling , come on in twenty deuils way Ye haue made a fayre daies worke , haue you not ? pray you say .
The fyrest Acte . The .iiii. Sceane . Gammer . Hodge . Tyb . Cocke . Gammer ALas hoge , alas . I may well cursse and ban This daie that euer I saw it , with gyb and the mylke pan For these and ill lucke to gather , as knoweth Cocke my boye Haue stacke away my deare neele , and robd me of my love My fayre longe strayght nedle that was myne onely treasure The fyrst day of my sorow is , and last end of my pleasure . Hodge Might ha kept it when ye had it , but fooles will be fooles styll . Lose that is vast in your handes , ye neede not but ye will . Gammer Go hie thee tib , and run thou hoore , to th end here of the towne Didst cary out dust in thy lap seeke wher thou porest it downe And as thou sawest me roking , in the asshes where I morned So see in all the heape of dust , thou leaue no straw vnturned . Tyb That chal gammer swythe and tyte , and sone be here agayne , Gammer Tib stoope & loke downe to the ground to it , & take some paine . Hodge Here is a prety matter , to see this gere how it goes By gogs soule I thenk you wold loes your ars , and it were loose Your neele lost , it is pitie you shold lack care and endlesse sorow Gogs deth how shall my breches be sewid , shall I go thus to morow Gammer Ah hodg , hodg , if that ich cold find my neele by the reed Chould sow thy brechee ich promise thee , with full good double threed And set a patch on either knee , shuld last this monethes twaine Now god & good Saint Sithe I praye , to send it home againe . Hodge Wherto serued your hands & eies , but this your neele to kepe What deuill had you els to doe ye kept ich wot no sheepe Ch am faine a brode to dyg and delue , in water , myre and claye Sossing and possing in the durte , styll from day to daye A hundred thinges that be abrode , ch am set to see them wee le And foure of you syt idle at home , and can not keepe a neele . Gammer My neele alas ich lost it hodge , what time ich me vp hasted To saue the milke set vp for the , which gib our cat hath wasted Hodge The Deuill he burst both gib , and Tib , with all the rest Cham alwayes sure of the worst end , who euer haue the best Where ha you ben fidging abrode , since you your neele lost Gammer Within the house , and at the dore , sitting by this same post Wher I was loking a long howre , before these folks came here , But welaway , all was in vayne , my neele is neuer the nere . Hodge Set me a candle let me seeke and grope where euer it bee Gogs hart ye be so folish ( ich thinke ) you knowe it not when you it see Gammer Come hether Cocke , what Cocke I say . Cocke . Howe Gammer . Gammer Goe hye thee soone , and grope behynd the old brasse pan , Whych thing when thou hast done Ther shalt thou fynd an old shooe , wher in if thou looke well Thou shalt fynd lyeng an inche of a whyte tallow candell , Lyght it , and brynge it tite awaye . Cocke . That shal be done anone . Gammer Nay tary hodg til thou hast light , and then wee le seke ech one . Hodge Cum away ye horson boy , are ye a slepe : ye must haue a crier . Cocke . Ich cannot get the candel light here is almost no fier . Hodge ch il hold the a peny ch il make that come if that ich may catch thine eares Art deffe thou horson boy cocke I say , why canst not heares . Gammer Beate hym not Hodge but help the boy and come you two together .
The .i. Acte . The .v. Sceane . Gammer . Tyb , Cocke . Hodge . Gammer HOw now Tyb , quycke let s here , what newes thou hast brought hether . Tyb . Ch aue tost and tumbled yender heap our & ouer againe And winowed it through my fingers , as men wold winow grain Not so much as a hens turd but in pieces I tare it Or what so euer clod or clay I found , I did not spare it Lokyng within and eke without , to fynd your neele ( alas ) But all in vaine and without help , your neele is where it was . Gammer Alas my neele we shall neuer meete , adue , adue for aye . Tyb . Not so gammer , we myght it fynd if we knew where it laye . Cocke . Gogs crosse Gammer if ye will laugh looke in but at the doore And see how Hodg lieth tomblynge and tossing amids the floure Rakyng there some fayre to find amonge the asshes dead Where there is not one sparke , so byg as a pyns head , At last in a darke corner two sparkes he thought he sees Which where indede nought els but Gyb our cats two eyes Puffe quod hodg thinking therby to haue fyre without doubt With that Gyb shut her two eyes , & so the fyre was out And by and by them opened , euen as they were before , With that the sparkes appered euen as they had done of yore , And euen as hodge blew the fire as he did thincke Gyb as she felt the blast strayght way began to wyncke , Tyll Hodge fell of swering , as came best to his turne , The fier was sure bewicht , and therfore wold not burne : At last Gyb vp the slayers , among the old postes and pinnes , And Hodge he hied him after till broke were both his shinnes : Cursynge and swering othes , were neuer of his makyng , That Gyb wold fyre the house , if that shee were not taken . Gammer See here is all the thought that the foolysh Urchyn taketh , And Lyb me thinke at his elbowe almost as mery maketh This is all the wyt ye haue when others make their mone , Come downe Hodge , where art thou and let the Cat alone . Hodge Gogs harte , help and come vp , Gyb in her tayle hath fyre . And is like to burne all if shes get a lytle hier : Cum downe ( quoth you , ) nay then you might count me a patch , The soule cometh downe on your heads if it take ons that thatch . Gammer It is the cats eyes foole that shineth in the darke . Hodge Hath the Cat do you thinke in euery eye a sparke . Gamer No , but they shyne as lyke fyre as euer man see . Hodge By the masse and she burne all , you sh beare the blame for mee Gammer Cum downe & help to seeke here our neele that it were found Downe Tyb on the knees I say , downe Cocke to the ground . to God I make a vowe , and so to good Saint Anne A candell shall they haue a peece , get it where I can , It I may my neele find in one place or in other . Hodge Now a vengeaunce on gib lyght , on gyb and gybs mother And all the generacyon of Cats both far and nere Looke on the ground horson thinks thou the neele is here . Cocke . By my trouth gammer me thought your nedle here I saw But when my fyngers toucht it , I felt it was a straw . Tyb See Hodge what 's t ys , may it not be within it , Hodge Breake it foole with thy hand and see and thou canst fynde it . Tyb Nay breake it you Hodge accordyng to your word . Hodge Gogs sydes , fye it styncks : it is a Cats tourd , it were well done to make thee eare it by the masse . Gammer This matter amendeth not my nedle is still where it wasse Our candle is at an ende let vs all in quight and come another tyme , when we haue more lyght
The ii. Acte .
Fyrste a Songe . Backe and syde go bare , go bare , booth foote and hande go colde : But Bellye god sende thee good ale ynoughe , whether it be newe or olde . I Can not eate , but lytle meate , my stomacke is not good : But sure I thinke , that I can drytke with him that weares a hood . Thoughe I go bare , take ye no care , I am nothinge a colde : I stufte my skyll , so full within , of ioly good Ale and olde . Backe and syde go bare , go bare , booth foote and hand go colde : But belly god send the good ale inoughe whether it be new or olde . I loue no rost , but a nut browne toste and a Crab layde in the fyre , A lytle bread , shall do me stead much breade I not desyre : No froste nor snow , no winde I trowe can hurte mee if I wolde , I am so wrapt , and throwly lapt of ioly good ale and olde . Backe and syde go bare . &c. And Tyb my wyfe , that as her lyfe loueth well good ale to seeke , Full ofte drynkes shee , tyll ye may see the teares run downe her cheekes : Then dooth she trowle , to mee the bowle euen as a mault worme shuld , And sayth sweete hart , I tooke my part of this ioly good ale and olde . Backe and syde go bare . &c. Now let them drynke , tyll they nod and winke , euen as good felowes shoulde doe They shall not mysse , to haue the blisse , good ale doth bringe men to : And all poore soules that haue scowred boules or haue them lustely trolde , God saue the lyues , of them and theyr wyues whether they be yonge or olde . Backe and syde go bare . &c.
The fyrst Sceane . Diccon . Hodge . Diccon WEll done be Gogs malt , well songe and well sayde , Come on mother Chat as thou art true mayde , One fresh pot of ale let s see to make an ende Agaynst this colde wether my naked armes to defende , This gere it warms the soule , now wind blow on the worst , And let vs drink and swill , till that our bellies burste Now were he a wyse man , by cunnynge colde defyne Which way my Iourney lyeth or where Dyccon will dyne But one good turne I haue , be it by nyght or daye South , East , North or west , I am neuer out of my waye . Hodge Chym goodly rewarded , cham I not , do you thyncke ? Chad a goodly dynner for all my sweate and swyncke , Neyther butter cheese , mylke onyons fleshe nor fyshe Saue thys poor pece of barly bread , t is a pleasant costly dishe . Diccon Haile fellow Hodge & will to face , with thy meat , if thou haue any ! But by thy words as I then smelled , thy daintrels be not manye . Hodge Daintrels diccon ( gogs soule man ( saue this pece of dry horsbred , Cha byt no byt this lyue longe daie , no crome come in my hed My gutts they yawle crawle and all my belly rumbleth The puddynges can not lye still , ech one ouer other tumbleth By gogs harte ch am so verte , and in my belly pende Chould one peece were at the spittlehouse another at the castels ende . Diccon Why hodge , was there none at home thy dinner for to set : Hodge Godgs bread Diccon ich came to late , was nothing ther to get Gib ( a fowle feind might on her light ( lickt the milke pan so clene See Diccon , t was not so well washt this .vii. yere as ich were A pestilence lyght on all ill lucke , ch ad thought yet for all thys Of a morsell of bacon behynde the hore at worst shuld not misse , But when ich sought a slyp to cut , as ich was wont to do Gogs soule Diccon , gyb our Cat had eate the bacon to . Which bacon Diccon stole , as is declared before . Diccon Ill luck quod he , mary swere it hodg , this day the trueth to tel Thou rose not on thy right syde , or els blest thee not wel . Thy mylk slopt vp , thy bacon filtched , that was to bad luck hodg . Hodge Nay , nay , ther was a fowler fault , my gammer game the dogde Seest not how cham rent & torn , my heels , my knees & my breech Ch ad thought as ich sat by the fire , help here & there a stitch , But there ich was powpte indeede . Diccon Why Hodge ? Hodge Bootes not man to tell , Ch am so drest amonst a sorte of fooles , ch ad better be in hell , My gammer ( ch am ashamed to say ) by god serued me not wee le Diccon How so Hodge ? Hodge Hase she not gone trowest now and lost her neele . Diccon Her Eele Hodge , who fysht of late ? that was a dainty dysh . Hodge Tush tush , her neele , her neele , her neele man . ( t ys neyther flesh nor fysh . A lytle thing with an hole in the end , as bright as any syller , Small , longe , sharpe at the poynt , & straight as any pyller . Diccon I know not what a deuil thou mēest , thou bringst me more in doubt Hodge Knowest not with what tom tailers man , fits broching throughe a clout A neele , neele , a neele , my gammers neele is gone . Diccon Her neele Hodge , now I smel thee , that was a chaunce alone , By the masse thou hadst a shamefull losse , & it wer but for that 〈◊〉 Hodge Gogs soule man chould giue a crown ch ad it but iii. stitches . Diccon How sayest thou Hodg , what shuld he haue , again thy nedle got Hodge Gem vathers soule , and ch ad it chould giue him a new grot . Diccon Canst thou keepe counsaile in this case . Hodge Els chwold my thonge were out . Diccon Do than but then by my aduise , & I will fetch it without doubt , Hodge Ch yll runne , ch yll ryde , ch yll dygge , chyl delue , ( Ch ill toyle , ch ill trudge shalt see : Ch ill hold ch il drawe , ch il pull , ch ill pynche ( Ch ill kneele on my bare knee . Ch ill scrape , ch ill scratche , ch ill syfte , ch yll seeke , ( Ch ill bowe , ch ill bende , ch ill sweate . Ch il stoop , ch il stur , ch il cap ch il knele , ch il crepe on hands & feete , Ch il be thy bondman Diccon , ich sweare by sunne and moone And channot sum what to stop this gap , ch am vtterly vndone Pointing behind to his torne kreeches . Diccon Why , is ther any special cause , thou takest hereat such sorow Hodge Kirstian Clack Tom simsons maid , bi the masse coms hether to morow Ch am not able to say , betweene vs what may hap , She smyled on me the last sonday when ich put of my cap , Diccon Well Hodge this is a matter of weight , & must be kept close , It might els turne to both our costes as the world now gose , Shalt sware to be no blab Hodge . Hodge ch yll Diccon . Diccon Then go to , Lay thine hand here , say after me as thou shalt here me do Haste no booke ? Hodge Cha no booke I . Diccon Then needes must force vs both , Upon my breech to lay thine hand , and there to take thine othe . Hodge I Hodge breethelesse , Sweare to Diccon rechelesse By the crosse that I shall kysse , To kepe his counsaile close And alwayes me to dispose To worke that his pleasure is . Here he kyssech Diccons breeche . Diccon . Now Hodge see thou take heede And do as I thee byd For so I iudge it meete , This nedle againe to win There is no shift therin But coniure vp a spreete . Hodge What the great deuill Diccon I saye ? Diccon Yea in good faith , that is the waye , Fet with some prety charme . Hodge Softe Diccon be not to hasty yet , By the masse for ich begyn to sweat Ch am afrayde of syme harme . Diccon Come hether then and sturre the nat One inche out of this Cyrcle plat But stande as I thee teache . Hodge And shall ich be here safe from theyr clawes : Diccon The mayster deuill with his longe pawes Here to thee can not reache : Now will I settle me to this geare . Hodge I saye Diccon , heare me , heare : Go softely to thys matter . Diccon What deuyll man , art afraide of nought Hodge Canst not tarrye a lytle thought Tyll ich make a curtesie of water . Diccon Stand still to it , why shuldest thou feare hym ? Hodge Gogs sydes Diccon , me thinke ich heare him And tarrye chal mare all . Diccon The matter is no worse then I tolde it , Hodge By the masse ch am able no longer to holde it , To bad iche must beraye the hall . Diccon Stand to it Hodge , sture not you horson , What Deuyll , be thine ars strynges brusten ? Thy selfe a while but staye , The deuill I smell hym wyll be here anone . Hodge Hold him fast Diccon , ch am gone , ch am gone Ch yll not be at that fraye .
The ii. Acte . The ii. Sceane . Diccon . Chat . Diccon FY shytten knaue , and out vpon thee Aboue all other loutes fye on thee , Is not here a clenly prancke ? But thy matter was no better Nor thy presence here no sweter , To flye I can the thanke : Here is a matter worthy glosynge Of Gammer Gurtone nedle losynge And a foule peece of warke , A man I thyncke myght make a playe And nede no worde to this they saye Being but halfe a Clarke . Softe , let me alone , I will take the charge This matter further to en large Within a tyme shorte , If ye will marke my toyes , and note I will geue ye leaue to cut my throte If I make not good sporte , Dame Chat I say , where be ye , within ? Chat . Who haue we there maketh such a din : Diccon Here is a good fellow , maketh no great daunger , Chat . What diccon ? come nere , ye be no straunger , We be fast set at trumpe man , hard by the fyre , Thou shalt set on the king , if thou come a litle nyer . Diccon Nay , nay , there is no tarying : I must be gone againe But first for you in councel I haue a word or twaine . Chat . Come hether Dol , Dol , sit downe and play this game , And as thou sawest me do , see thou do euen the same There is 5. trumps beside the Queene , that hindmost thou shalt finde her Take hede of Sim glouers wife , she hath an eie behind her , Now Diccon say your will . Diccon Nay softe a title yet , I wold not tel it my sister , the matter is so great , There I wil haue you sweare by our dere Lady of Bullaine , S. Dunstone , and S. Donnyke , with the three Kinges of Kullaine , That ye shal keepe it secret . Chat , Gogs bread that will I doo , As secret as mine owne thought , by god and the deuil two . Diccon . Here is gammer gurton your neighbour , a sad & heuy wight Her goodly faire red Cock , at home . was stole this last night . Chat . Gogs foule her Cock with the yelow legs , that nightly crowed so iust ? Diccon That cocke is stollen . Chat . What was he fet out of the hens-ruste ? Diccon I can not tel where the deuil he was kept , vnder key or locke . But Tib hath tykled in Gammers eare , that you shoulde steale the cocke Chat . Haue I stronge hoore ? by bread and salte . Diccon What softe , I say be styl . Say not one word for all this geare . Chat . By the masse that I wyl , I wil haue the yong hore by the head , & the old trot by the throte Diccon Not one word dame Chat I say , not one word for my cote . Chat . Shall such a begars brawle as the thinkest thou make me a theefe The pocks light on her hores sydes , a pestlence & a mischeefe Come out thou hungry nedy bytche , o that my nails be short . Diccon Gogs bred woman hold your peace , this gere wil els passe sport I wold not for an hundred pound , this matter shuld be knowen , That I am auctour of this tale , or haue abrode it blowen Did ye not sweare ye wold be ruled , before the tale I tolde I said ye must all secret keepe , and ye said sure ye wolde . Chat . Wolde you suffer your selfe diccon , such a sort , to reuile you With slaunderous words to blot your name , & so to defile you ? Diccon No goodwife chat I wold be loth such drabs shulde blot my name But yet ye must so order all , the Diccon heare no blame . Chal. Go to then , what is your rede : say on your minde , ( ye shall mee rule herein . Diccon God a mercye to dame chat , in faith thou must the gere begin It is twenty pound to a goose turd , my gammer will not tary But hetherward she comes as fast as her legs can her cary , To brawle with you about her cocke , for well & hard Tib say The Cocke was rosted in your house , to breafast yesterday , And when ye had the carcas eaten , the fethers ye out flunge And Doll your maid the legs she hid a foote depe in the dunge . Chat . Do gracyous god my harte is burstes . Diccon Well rule your selfe a space And gammer gurton when she commeth anon into thys place Then to the Queane let s see tell her your mynd & spare not So shall Diccon blamelesse bee , and then go to I care not . Chat , Then shoore beware her throte , I can abide no longer In faith old witch it shal be seene , which of vs two be stronger And Diccon but at your request , I wold not stay one howre , Diccon Well keepe it in till she be here and then out let it powre , In the meane while get you in , and make no wordes of this More of this matttr with in this howre to here you shall not misse Because I know you are my freind , hide it I cold not doubtles Ye know your harm , see ye be wise about your owne busines So fare ye will . Chat . Nay soft Diccon and drynke , what Doll I say Bringe here a cup of the best ale , let s see , come quicly a waye .
The ii. Act . The iii. Sceane . Hodge . Diccon . Diccon Ye see masters the one end tapt of this my short deuise Now must we broche theter to , howre the smoke arise And by the time they haue a while run . ( I trust ye need not craue it . But loke what lieth in both their harts ye ar like sure to haue it Hodge Yea gogs soule , art aliue yet ? what Diccon dare ich come ? Diccon A man is wel hied to trust to thee , I wil say nothing but mum But and ye come any nearer I pray you see all be sweete . Hodge Tush man , is gammers neele found , that chould gladly weete Diccon She may thanke thee it is not found , for if thou had kept thy standing The deuil he wold haue fet it out , euen hodg at thy commaunding Hodge Gogs hart , & cold he tel nothing wher the neele might be found Diccon Ye folysh dolt , ye were to seek , ear we had got our ground , Therfore his tale so doubtfull was , that I cold not perceiue it . Hodge Then ich se wel somthing was said , chope one day yet to haue it , But diccon , diccon , did not the deuill cry ho , ho , ho , Diccon If thou hadst taryed where thou stoodst , thou woldest haue said so Hodge Durst swere of a buke , chard him rore , streight after ich was gon But tel me diccon what said the knaue : let me here it anon . Diccon The horson talked to mee . I know not well of what One whyle his tonge it ran and paltered of a Cat , Another whyle he stamered styll vppon a Rat , Last of all there was nothing but euery word Chat , Chat , But this I well perceyued before I wolde him rid , Betweene Chat , and the Rat , and the Cat , the nedle is hyd , Now wether Gyb our cat haue eate it in her mawe , Or Doctor Rat our curat haue found it in the straw , Or this dame chat your neighbour haue stollen it , god hee knoweth But by the morow at this time , we shal learn how the matter goeth Hodge Canst not learn to night man , seest not what is here , Pointyng behind to his torne breeches . Diccon T ys not possyble to make it sooner appere , Hodge Alas Diccon then ch aue no shyft , but least ich tary to longe Hye me to Sym glouers shop , theare to seeke for a Thonge , Ther with this breech to tatche and tye as ich may . Diccon To morow hodg if we chaunce to meete , shalt see what I will say .
The ii. Acte . The iiii. Sceane . Diccon : Gammer . Diccon NOw this gere must forward goe , for here my gammer : commeth , Be still a while & say nothing , make here a litle romth . Gammer Good lord , shall neuer be my lucke my neele agayne to spye : Alas the whyle t ys past my helpe , where t is still it must lye . Diccon Now Iesus gammer gurton , what driueth you to this sadnes I feare me by my conscience , you will sure fall to madnes . Gammer Who is that , what Diccon , ch am lost man : fye fye . Diccon Mary fy on them that be worthy , but what shuld be your troble , Gammer Alas the more ich thinke on it , my sorow it waxeth doble My goodly tossing sporyars neele , ch aue lost ich wot not where . Diccon Your neele , whan ? Gammer My neele ( alas ) ich myght full ill it spare , As god him selfe he knoweth nere one besyde ch aue . Diccon If this be all good gammer , I warrant you all is saue . Gammer Why know you any tydings which way my neele is gone ? Diccon Yea that I do doubtlesse , as ye shall here anone , A see a thing this matter toucheth , within these .xx. howres , Euen at this gate , before my face , by a neyghbour of yours , She stooped me downe , and vp she toke a nedle or a pyn : I durst be sworne it was euen yours , by all my mothers kyn . Gammer It was my neele diccon ich wot , for here euen by this poste Ich sat , what time as ich vp starte , and so my neele it loste : Who was it leiue son ? speke ich pray the , & quickly tell me that ? Diccon A suttle queane as any in thys Towne , ( your neyghboure here dame Chat . Gammer Dame chat diccon let me be gone , ch il thyther in post haste . Diccon Take my councell yet or ye go , for feare ye walke in wast , It is a murrion crafty drab , and froward to be pleased . And ye take not the better way , our nedle yet ye lose it : For when she tooke it vp , euen here before your doores What soft dame chat ( quoth I ) that same is none of yours Auant ( quoth she ) syr knaue , what pratest thou of that I fynd : I wold that hadst kist me I wot whear : ( she ment I know behind ) And home she went as brag , as it had ben a bodelouce , And I after as bold , as it had ben , the goodman of the house : But there and ye had hard her , how she began to scolde The tonge it went on patins , by hym that Iudas solde , Ech other worde I was a knaue , and you a bore of hores , Because I spake in your behalfe , and sayde the neele was yours , Gammer Gogs bread , and thinks that callet thus to kepe my neele me fro ? Diccon Let her alone , and she minds non other but euen to dresse you so Gammer By the masse ch il rather spend the cote that is on my backe . Thinks the false quean by such a slygh , that chill my neele lacke Diccon Slepe not you gere I counsell you , but of this take good hede Let not be knowen I told you of it , how well soeuer ye spede . Gammer Ch il in Diccon a cleene aperne to take , and set before me , And ich may my neele once see , ch il sure remember the
The ii. Acte . The v. Sceane . Diccon . Diccon HEre will the sporte begin , if these two once may meete . Their chere durst lay money will proue scarsly sweete My gammer sure entends , to be vppon her bones , Wich staues , or with clubs , or els with coble stones . Dame Chat on the other syde , if she be far behynde I am right far deceiued she is geuen to it of kynde , He that may tarry by it a whyle , and that but shorts I warrant hym trust to it , he shall see all the sporte Into the towne will I , my frendes to vysit there And hether straight againe to see th end of this gere In the meane time felowes , pype vpp your fiddles , I saie take them And let your freyndes here such mirth as ye can make them .
The iii. Acte .
The i Sceane . Hodge . Hodge SYm glouer yet gramercy , ch am meetlye well sped now , Th art euen as good a felow as euer kyste a cowe , Here is a thynge in dede , by the masse though ich speake it Tom tankards great bald cortal , I thinke could not breake it And when he spyed my neede , to be so straight and hard , Hays lent me here his naull , to set the gyb forward , As for my Gammers neele , the flyenge feyud go weete , Ch ill not now go to the doore againe with it to meete : Chould make shyfte good inough and ch ad a candels ende , The cheese hole in my breeche , with these two ch il amende .
The iii. Acte . The ii. Sceane . Gammer . Hodge . Gammer HOw Hodge , mayst nowe be glade , ch a newes to tell thee Ich knowe who hais my neele , ich trust soone shalt it see Hodge The deuyll thou does , hast hard gammer in deede , or doest but iest Gammer T ys as true as steele Hodge . Hodge Why , knowest well where dydst leese it ? Gammer Ich know who found it , and tooke it vp shalt see or it be longe . Hodge Gods mother dere , if that be true , farwel both naule an thong But who hais it gammer say on : chould faine here it disclosed . Gammer That false fixen , that same dame Chat , that counts her selfe so honest . Hodge Who tolde you so : Gammer That same did Diccon the bedlam , which saw it done . Hodge Diccon : it is a vengeable knaue gammer , t is a bonable horson , Can do mo things then that els ch am deceyued euill : By the masse ich saw him of late cal vp a great blacke deuill , O the knaue cryed ho , ho , he roared and he thundred , And ye ad bene here , ch am sure you ll murrenly ha wondred . Gammer Was not thou afraide Hodge to see him in this place : Hodge No , and ch ad come to me , chould haue laid him on the face , Chould haue promised him . Gammer But Hodge , had he no hornes to pushe : Hodge As long as your two armes , saw ye neuer Fryer Rushe Painted on a cloth , with a side long cowes tayle : And crooked clouen feete , and many a hoked nayle ? For al the world ( if I shuld iudg ) chould recken him his brother Loke euen what face Frier Rush had , the deuil had such another Gammer New Iesus mercy hodg . did diccon in him bring : Hodge Nay gammer ( heare me speke ) ch il tel you a greater thing , The deuil ( when diccon had him , ich hard him wondrous wee l ) Sayd plainly ( here before vs , that dame chat had your neele . Gamer They let vs go , and aske her wherfore she minds to kepe it , Seing we know so much , t ware a madnes now to slepe it . Hodge Go to her gammer see ye not where she stands in her doores Byd her geue you the neele , t ys none of hers but yours .
The iii. Acte . The iii Sceane . Gammer . Chat . Hodge . Gammer SAme Chat ch olde praye the fair , let me haue that is mine ch il not this twenty yeres take one fart that is thyne Therfore giue me mine owne & let me liue besyde the Chat . Why art thou crept from home hether , to mine own doores to chide me : Hence doting drab , auaunt , or I shall set the further . Intends thou and that knaue , mee in my house to murther : Gammer Tush gape not so no me woman , shalt not yet eate mee , Nor all the frends thou hast , in this shall not intreate mee : Mine owne goods I will haue , and aske the on beleue , What woman : pore folks must haue right , though the thing you agreue . Chat . Giue thee thy right , and hang thee vp , with al thy baggers broode What wilt thou make me a theefe , and say I stole thy good : Gammer ch il say nothing ( ich warrant thee , but that ich can proue it well Thou set my good euen from my doore , ch am able this to tel , Chat . Dyd I ( olde witche ) steale oft was thine : ( how should that thing be knowen : Gammer Ich can not tel , but vp thou tokest it as though it had ben thine owne , Chat , Mary fy on thee , thou old gyb , with al my very hart . Gammer Nay fy on thee thou rampe , thou ryg , with al that take thy parte . Chat . A vengeaunce on those lips that laieth such things to my charge . Gammer A vengeance on those callats hips , whose conscience is so large Chat . Come out Hogge . Gammer Come out hogge , and let haue me right . Chat . Thou arrant Witche . Gammer Thou bawdie bitche , ch il make thee cursse this night . Chat . A bag and a wallet . Gammer A carte for a callet . Chat . Why wenest thou thus to preuaile , I hold thee a grote , I shall patche thy coate . Gammer Thou warte as good kysse my tayle : Thou slut , thou kut , thou rokes , yu takes : will not shame make thee hide Chat . thou shald thou bald , thou rotten , thou glotton , I will no lenger chyd the But I will teache the to kepe home . Gammer Wylt thou drunken beaste . Hodge Sticke to her gammer , take her by the head , ch il warrant you thys feast . Smyte I laye gammer , Byte I lay gammer , I trow ye wyll be keene : Where by your nayle ? claw her by the iawes , pull me out bothe her eyen , Gogs bones gammer , holde vp your head , Chat . I trow drab I shall dresse thee . Tary thou knaue I hold the a grote , I shall make these hands blesse thee Take yu this old hore for a mends , & lerne thy tonge well to tame And say thou met at this bickering , not thy fellow but thy dame . Hodge Where is the strong stued hore , ch il geare a hores marke , Stand out ones way , that ich kyll none in the darke : Up gammer and ye be alyue , ch il feygh now for vs bothe , Come no nere me thou scalde callet , to kyll the ich wer loth . Chat . Art here agayne thou hoddy peke , what doll bryng me out my spitte . Hodge Ch ill broche thee wyth this , him father soule , ( Ch yll coniure that foule sprete : Let dore stand Cock , why come in deede ? kepe dore thou horson boy . Chat . Stand to it thou bastard for thine eares , i se teche yu a sluttish toye . Hodge Gogs woundes hore , ch il make the auaunte , ( take heede Cocke , pull in the latche , Chat . I faith sir loose breche had ye taried , ye shold haue found your match . Gammer Now ware thy throte losell , thou se pray for al Hodge Well said gammer by my soule , Hoyse her , souse her , bounce her , trounce her , pull out her throte boule Chat . Comst behynd me thou withered witch , & I get once on foote Thou se pay for all , thou old tar lether , i le teach the what longs to it Take that this to make vp thy mouth , til time thou come by more Hodge Up gammer stand on your feete , where is the olde hore ? Faith woulde ch ad her by the face ( choulde cracke her callet crowne Gammer A hodg , hodg , where was thy help , when fixen had me downe . Hodge By the masse Gammer , but for my staffe ( Chat had gone nye to spyl you Ich think the harlot had not cared , and ch ad not com to kill you But shall wel cost our neele thus ? Gammer No Hodge chwarde lothe doo soo . Thinkest thou ch ill take that at her hand , no hodg ich tell the no Hodge Chold yet this fray wer wel take vp & our own neele at home T will be my chaunce els some to kil , wher euer it be or whome Gammer We haue a parson , ( hodge thou knoes ) a man estemed wise Mast doctor Rat , ch il for hym lend , and let me here his aduise , He will her shriue for all this gere , & geue her penaunce strait Wese haue our neele , els dame that comes nere with in heauen gate Hodge Ye mary gammer , yu ich think best : wyll you now for him send The sooner Doctor Rat be here , the soner we se ha an ende , And here gammer Dyccons deuill , ( as iche remember well ) Of Cat , and Chat , and Doctor Rat : a felloneus tale dyd tell , Chold you forty pound , that is the way your neele to get againe . Gammer Ch il ha him strait , call out the boy , we le make him take the payn Hodge What coke I saye , come out what deuill canst not here . Gammer How now hodg ? how does gammer , is yet the wether cleare ? What wold ch aue me to doe ? Gammer Come hether Cocke anon : Hence swythe to Doctor Rat , hye the that thou were gone , And pray hym come speke with me , ch am not well at ease , Shalt haue him at his chamber , of els at mother Bees , Els seeke him at Hobfytchers shop for as charde it reported Cocke . There is the best ale in al the towne , and now is most resorted . Gammer And shall ich brynge hym with me gammer ? Cocke . Yea , by and by good Cocke . Hodge Shalt see that shal be here anone , els let me haue one the docke Now gammer shal we two go in , and tary for hys commynge What deuill woman plucke vp your hart , & leue of al this glōmīg Though she were stronger at yu first , as ich thinke ye did find her Gammer Yet there ye brest the dronken sow , what time ye cam behind her Nay , nay , ch am sure she lost not all , for let them to the beginning And ich doubt not , but she will make small bost of her winning .
The iii. Acte . The iiii. Sceane . Tyb . Hodge . Gammer . Cocke . Tyb SE gammer , gammer , gib our cat , ch am afraid what she ayleth She standes me gasping behind the doore , ( as though her winde her faileth : Now let ich doubt what gib shuld mean , that now she doth so dote . Hodge Hold hether , ichould twenty pound , your neele is in her throte Grope her ich say , me thinkes ich feele it , does not pricke your hand ? Gammer Ich can feele nothing . Hodge No , ich know thar s not within this land A muryner Cat then Gyb is , betwixt the tems and Tyne , Sha se as much wyt in her head almost as ch aue in mine . Tyb Faith sha se eaten some thing , that wil not easely downe Whether she gat it at home , or abrode in the towne Iche can not tell . Gammer Alas ich feare it he some croked pyn , And then farewell gyb , she is vndone , and lost al saue the skyn . Hodge Tyb , your neele woman , I say : gags soule geue me a knyfe And ch il haue it out of her mawe , or els ch al lose my lyfe . Gammer What nay hodg , fy kil not our cat , t is al the cats we ha now . Hodge By the masse dame Chat bays me so moued , ( iche care not what I kyll , ma god a vowe : Go to then Tyb to this geare , holde vp her tayle and take her , Ch il see what deuil is in her guts ch il take thou paines to rake her . Gammer Rake a Cat Hodge , what woldst thou do ? Hodge What thinckst that ch am not able ? Did not Tom Lankard rake his Curtal toore day standing in the stable . Gammer Soft be content , let s here what newes ( Cocke bringeth from maist Rat . Cocke . Gammer ch aue ben ther as you bad , you wot wel about what T will not be long before he come , ich durst sweare of a booke He byds you see ye be at home , and there for him to looke . Gammer Where didst thou find him boy was he not wher I told thea ? Cocke . Yes , yes euen at hobfilchers house , by him that bought and solde me A cup of ale had in his hand , and a crab lay in the fyer , Ch ad much a do to go and come , al was so ful of myer : And Gammer one thing I can tel , Hobfilchers naule was loste And Doctor Rat found it againe , hard beside the doore poste , I chould a penny can say something , your neele againe to fet . Gamer Cham glad to heare so much Cocke , then trust he wil not let , To helpe vs herein best he can therfore tyl time he come
The ii. Acte . The iiii. Sceane . Doctor Rat. Gammer Gurton . D. Rat. A Man were better twenty times be a bandog & barke . Then here among such a sort , be parish priest or clarke Where he shal neuer be at rest , one pissing while a day But he must trudge about the towne , this way , and that way , Here to a drab , there to a theefe , his shoes to teare and rent And that which is worst of al , at euery knaues commaundement I had not sit the space , to drinke two pots of ale But Gammer gurtons sory boy , was straite way at my taile , And she was sicke , and I must come , to do I wot not what , If once her fingers end but ake , trudge , call for Doctor Rat And when I come not at their call , I only therby loose , For I am sure to lacke therfore , a tythe pyg or a goose : I warrant you when truth is knowen , & told they haue their tale The matter where about I come , is not worth a half peny worth of ale , Yet must I talke so sage and smothe , as though I were a glosier Els or the yere come at an end . I shal be sure the loser . What worke ye gammer gurton ? hoow here is your frend M. Rat . Gammer A good M. Doctor ch a trobled , ch a trobled you , ch wot wel that D. Rat. How do ye woman : be ye lustie , or be ye not wel at ease : Gammer By gys master ch am not sich , but yet ch aue a disease . Chad a foule turne now of late , ch ill tell it you by gigs . D. Rat. Hath your browne cow cast hir calfe , or your sandy sowe her pigs Gammer No , but ch ad ben as good they had , as this ich wot wee l . D. Rat. What is the mattere Gammer Alas , alas , ch a lost my good neele , My necle I say , and wot ye what : a drab came by and spied it And when I asked hir for the same , the filth flatly demed it . D. Rat. What was she that : Gammer A dame ich warrant you she began to scold and brawle Alas , alas , come hether Hodge : this wriche can tell you all .
The iiii. Act .
The ii. Sceane . Hodge Doctor Rat. Gammer . Diccon . Chat . Hodge D. Rat. Come on fellow let vs heare . Thy dame hath sayd to me , thou knowest of all this geare , Let s see what thou canst saie . Hodge Bym say sir that ye shall , What matter so euer here was done , ich can fell your mashly My Gammer gurton heare see now , sat her downe at this doore see now : And as she began to stirre her , see now , her neele fell in the floore , see now , And while her staffe shee tooke , see now , at Gyb her Cat to flynge , see now , Her neele was lost in the floore , see now is not this a wondrous thing , see now ? Then came the queane Dame Chat see now to aske for hir blacke cup , see now : And euen here at this gate , see now : she tooke that neele vp see now : My Gammer then she yeede , see now hir neele againe to bring , see now And was caught by the head see now is not this a wondrous thing , see now She tare my Gammers cote see now and scratched hir by the face , see now Chad thought shad stopt hir throte , see now is not this a wondrous case , see now ? When ich saw this , ich was worthe see now and start betwene them twaine , see now Els ich durst take a booke othe , see now my Gammer had bene slaine , see now . Gammer This is euen the whole matter , as Hodge has plainly tolde And chould faine be quiet for my part that chould But helpe vs good master , beseech ye that ye doo Els shall we both be beaten and lose our neele too . D. Rat. What wold ye haue me to doo tel me that I were gone I will do the best that I can , to set you both at one But be ye sure dame Chat hath this your neele founde : Gammer Here comes the man that see hir take it vp on the ground , Aske him your selfe master Rat if ye beleue not me . And helpe me to my neele , for gods sake and saint charitie . D. Rat. Come nere diccon and let vs heare , what thou can expresse . Wilt thou be sworne yu seest dame chat , this womans neele haue ? Diccon Nay by S. Benit wil I not , then might ye thinke me raue . Gammer Why didst not yu tel me so euen here canst yu fer shame deny it Diccon I mary gammer : but I said I wold not abide by it . D. Rat. Will you say a thing , and not sticke do it to trie it . Diccon Stick to it quoth you master rat , mary sir I defy it . Nay there is many an honest man , when he suche blastes hath blowne In his freindes eares , he woulde be loth the same by him were knowne If such a toy be vsed oft among the honestie It may beseme a simple man , if your and my degree . D. Rat. Then we be neuer the nearer , for all that you can tell . Diccon Yes mary sir , if ye will do by mine aduise and counsaile , If mother chat se al vs here , she knoweth how the matter goes Therfore I red you three go hence , and within keepe close , And I will into dame chats house , and so the matter vse , That or you cold go twise to church , I warant you hote nowe , She shall looke wel about hir , but I durst say a pledge , Ye shal of gammers neele , haue shortly better knowledge . Gammer Now gentle Diccon do so , and good sir let vs trudge . D Rat. By the masse I may not tarry so long to be your iudge . Diccon Dys but a litle while man , what take so much paine , If I here no newes of it I will come sooner againe . Hodge Cary so much good master Doctor of your gentlenes . D. Rat. Then let vs hie ue inward , and Diccon speede thy busines . Diccon Now sirs do yee no more , but kepe my counsaile iuste , And Doctor Rat shall thus catch , some good I trust , But mother Chat my gossop , talke first with all I must : For she must be chiefe captaine to lay the Rat in the dust , God deuen dame Chat in faith , and wel met in this place . Chat . God deuen my friend Diccon , whether walke ye this pace ? Diccon By my truth euen to you , to learne how the world goeth , Hard ye no more of the other matter , say me now by your troth Chat . O yes diccon , here the olde hoore , & hodge that great knaue . But in faith I would thou hadst sene , o lord I drest them braue She bare me two or three souses behind in the nape of the necke Till I made hir olde wesen , to answere againe kecke : And Hodge that dirty dastard , that at hir elbow standes , If one paire of legs had not bene worth two paire of hands He had had his bearde shauen , if my nayles wold haue serued And not without a cause for the knaue it well deserued . Diccon By the moste I can the thank wench , yu didst so wel acquite the Chat . And th adst seene him Diccon , it wold haue made yu beshite the For laughter . The horsen dolt at last caught vp a club , As though he would haue slaine the master deuil Belsabub , But I set him soone in worde . Diccon O Lorde there is the thing That Hodge is so offended , that makes him starte and dyng Chat . Why ? makes the knaue any moyling , as ye haue sene or hard Diccon Euen now I sawe him last , like a mad man he farde , And sware by heauen and hell , he would a wreake his sorowe And leue you neuer a hen on liue . by viii. of the clock to morow , Therfore marke what I say , and my wordes see that ye trust Your hens be as good as dead , if ye leaue them on the ruste . Chat , The knaue dare as wel go hang himself , as go vpon my ground Diccon Wel yet take hede I say , I must tel you my tale round , Haue you not about your house , behind your furnace or leade : A hole where a crafty knaue , may crepe in for neade ? Chat . Yes by the masse , a hole broke down , euen within these ii. dayes . Diccon Hodge , he intendes this same night , to slip in there awayes . Chat . O christ that I were sure of it , in faith he shuld haue his mede . Diccon watch wel , for the knaue wil be there as sure as is your crede I wold spend my selfe a shilling : to haue him swinged well . Chat . I am as glad as a woman can bee of this thing to here tell By gogs bones when he commeth , now that I know the matter He shal sure at the first skip , to leape in scalding water : Wish a worse turne besides when he will , let him come . Diccon I tell you as my sister , you know what meaneth mum , Now lacke I but my doctor , to play his part againe And so where he commeth towards , peraduenture to his paine . D. Rat. What good newes Diccon ? fellow , is mother chat at home , Diccon She is syr , and she is not , but it please her to whome : Yet dyd I take her tardy , as subtle as she was . D. Rat. The thing that thou wentst for , hast thou brought it to passe ? Diccon I haue done that I haue done , be it worse be it better . And dame Chat at her wyts ende , I haue almost set her . D Rat. Why hast thou spied the neele quickly I pray thee tell . Diccon I haue spyed it in faith sir , I handled my selfe so well , And yet the crafty queane , had almost take my trumpe . But or all came to an ende . I set her in a dumpe : D. Rat. How so I pray thee Diccon ? Diccon Mary syr will ye heare ? She was clapt downe on the backside , by cocks mother dere And there she sat sewing a halter , or a bande , With no other thing saue gammers nedle in her hande , As soone as any knocke , if she filth be in double , She needes but once puffe , and her candle is out : Now I sir knowing of euery doore she pin . Came nycely , and said no worde , till time I was within , And there I sawe the neele , euen with these two eyes , Who euer say the contrary , I will sweare he lyes . D. Rat. O Diccon that I was not there , then in thy steade . Diccon Well , if ye will be ordred , and do by my reade . I will bring you to a place , as the house standes . Where ye shall take the drab , with the neele in hir handes D. Rat. For Gods sake do so Diccon , and I will gage my gowne To geue thee a full pot , of the best ale in the towne , Diccon Follow me but a litle , and marke what I will say , Lay downe your gown beside you , go to , come on your way : Se ye not what is here a hole wherin ye may creepe Into the house , and sodenly vnwares among them leape , There shal ye finde the Bitchfox , and the neele together Do as I bid you man , come on your wayes hether . D. Rat. Art thou sure diccon , the swil tub standes not here aboute . Diccon I was within my selfe man euen now , there is no doubt , Go softly , make no noyse , giue me your foote sir Iohn , Here will I waite vpon you , tyl you come out anone . D. Rat. Helpe Diccon , out alas , I shal be slaine among them . Diccon If they giue you not the nedle , tel them that ye will hang them Ware that , hoow my wenches , haue ye caught the Foxe , That vsed to make reuel , among your hennes and Cocks : Saue his life yet for his order , though he susteine some paine Gogs bread , I am afraide , they wil beate out his braine . D. Rat. Wo worth the houre that I came heare . And wo worth him that wrought this geare , A sort of drabs and queanes haue me blest , Was euer creature halfe so euill drest ? Who euer it wrought , and first did inuent it , He shall I warrant him , erre long repent it , I will spend all I haue without my skinne But he shall be brought to the plight I am in , Master Bayly I trow , and he be worth his eares . Will snaffle these murderers and all that them beares , I will surely neither byte nor suppe Till I fetch him hether , this matter to take vp .
The v. Acte .
The i. Sceane . Master Bayly . Dector Rat. Bailie . I Can perceiue none other , I speke it from my hart But either ye ar in al the fault or els in the greatest part D. Rat. If it be counted his fault , besides all his greeues When a poore man is spoyled : and beaten among theeues ? Then I confesse my fault herein , at this season , But I hope you wil not iudge so much against reason . Baily . And me thinkes by your owne tale , of all that ye name . If any plaid the theefe you were the very same . The women they did nothing , as your words make probation But stoutly withstood your forcible inuasion , If that a theefe at your window , to enter should begin , Wold you hold forth your hand , and helpe to pull him in : Or you wold kepe him out : I pray you answere me . D. Rat. Mary kepe him out , and a good cause why : But I am no theefe sir but an honest learned Clarke . Baily . Yea but who knoweth that , when he meets you in the darke I am sure your learning shines not out at your nose , Was it any maruaile , though the poore woman arose And start vp , being afraide of that was in hir purse Me thinke you may be glad that you lucke was no worse . D. Rat. Is not this euill ynough , I pray you as you thinke , Showing his broken head . Baily Yea but a man in the darke , of chaunces do wincke , As sonne he smites his father as any other man , Because for lacke of light , discerne him he ne can , Might it not haue ben your lucke , with a spit to haue ben slaine : D. Rat. I thinke I am litle better , my scalpe is clouen to the braine , If there be all the remedy , I know who beares the kockes . Baily . By my troth and well worthy , besides to kisse the stockes To come in on the backe side , when ye might go about , I know non such , vnles they long to haue their braines knockt out D. Rat. Well , wil you be so good sir , as talke with dame Chat ; And know what she intended : I aske no more but that . Bayly . Let her be called fellow because of master doctor , I warrant in this case , she wil be hir owne Proctor , She will tel hir owne tale in metter or in prose , And byd you seeke your remedy , and so to wype your nose .
The v. Acte . The ii. Sceane , Bayly . M. Bayly . Chat . D. Rat. Gammer . Hodge . Diccon . SAme Chat , master doctor vpon you here complained That you & your maides shuld him much misorder . And taketh many an oth , that no word he fained , Laying to your charge , how you thought him to murder : And on his part againe , that same man saith furder He neuer offended you in word nor intent , To heare you answer hereto , we haue now for you sent . Chat . That I wold haue murdered him , fye on him wretch , And euil mought be thee for it , our Lord I besēch . I will swere on al the bookes that opens and shuttes He faineth this tale out of his owne guttes , For this seuen weekes with me , I am sure he sat not downe , Nay ye haue other minions , in the other end of the towne , Where ye were liker to catch such a blow , then any where els , as farre as I know . Baily . Be like then master Doctor , you stripe there ye got not ? D. Rat. Thinke you I am so mad , that where I was bet , I wod not ? Wil ye beleue this queane , before she hath tryd it ? It is not the first dede she hath done and afterward deuide it . Chat What man , will you say I broke your head ? D. Rat. How canst thou proue the contrary ? Chat . Nay how prouest thou that I did the deade . D. Rat. To plainly , by S. Mary . This profe I trow may serue , though I no word spoke . Showing his broken head . Chat . Bicause thy head is broken , was it I that it broke ? I saw thee Rat I tel thee , not once within this fortnight , D. Rat. No mary , thou sawest me not , for why thou hadst no light , But I felt thee for al the darke , be shrew thy smothe cheekes , And thou groped me this wil declare , any day this six weekes Showing his heade . Baily . Answere me to this M. Rat , when caught you this harme of yours ? D. Rat. A while a go sir , god he knoweth , within les than these ii. houres . Baily . Dame Chat was there none with you : ( confesse I faith ) about that season . What woman , let it be what it wil , t is neither felony nor treason Chat . Yes by my faith master Bayly , there was a knaue not farre Who caught one good Philup on the brow , with a dore barre And well was he worthy , as it semed to mee , But what is that to this man , since this was not hee . Baily . Who was it then ? let s here . D. Rat. Alas sir , aske you that ? Is it not made plain inough ( by the owne mouth of dame chat The time agreeth , my head is broken , her tong can not lye , Onely vpon a bare nay she saith it was not I . Chat . No mary was it not indeede ye shal here by this one thing , This after noone a frend of mine , for good wil gaue we warning And bad mo wel loke to my ruste , and al my Capons pennes , For if I take not better heede , a knaue wold haue my hennes , Then I to saue my goods toke so much pains as him to watch And as good fortune serued me , it was my chaunce him for to catch What strokes he bare away , or other what was his gaines I wot not , but sure I am , he had something for his paines Baily . Yet telles thou not who it was . Chat. Who it was a false theefe , That came like a false Fore , my pullaine to kil and mischeefe . Baily . But knowest thou not his name ? Chat . I know it but what than . It was that crafty cullyon Hodge my gammer gurtons man . Bailie . Cal me the knaue hether , he shal sure kysse the stockes . D. Rat. I shall teach him a lesson , for filching hens or cocks . I marvaile master bayly , so bleared be your eyes . An egge is not so ful of meate as she is ful of lyes : When she hath playd this pranke , to excuse al this geare , She layeth the fault in such a one , as I know was not there . Chat . Was he not thear loke on his pate , that shal be his witnes . D. Rat. I wold my head were half so hole , I wold seeke no redresse , Baily . God blesse you gammer Gurton . Gammer God dylde you master mine . Baily . Thou hast a knaue within thy house , hodge , a seruant of thine . They tel me that busy knaue , is such a filching one , That Hen , Pig , goose or capon , thy neighbour can haue none , Gammer By god ch am much ameued , to beare any such reporte : Hodge was not wont ich trow , to haue him in that sort . Chat . A theeuisher knaue is not on liue , more filching nor more false Many a truer man then he , haue hanged vp by the halfe . And thou his dame of al his theft , thou art the sole receauer For hodge to catch , and thou to kepe , I neuer knew none better Gammer Sir reuerence of your masterdome , and you were out adoore , Chold be so bolde for al hir brags , to cal hir arrant whoore , And ich knew Hodge so bad as tow , ich with me endlesse sorow And chould not take the pains , to hang him vp before to morow ? Chat , What haue I stolne from the or thine : thou ilfauored olde trot . Gammer A great deale more ( by Gods blest , ) then cheuer by the got , That thou knowest wel I neade not say it . Baily . Stoppe there I say , And tel me here I pray you , this matter by the way : How chaunce hodge is not here him wold I faine haue had . Gammer Alas sir , hee l be here anon , ha be handled to bad . Chat . Master bayly , sir ye be not such a foole wel I know , But ye perceiue by this lingring , there is a pad in the straw . Thinking that Hodg , his head was broke , and that gammer Wold not let him come before them . Gammer Ch il shew you his face , ich warrant the , lo now where he is . Bailie . Come on fellow it is tolde me thou art a shrew iwysse , Thy neighbours hens thou takest , and playes the two legged fore Their chikens & their capans to , & now and then their Cocks . Hodge Ich defy them al that dare it say , ch am as true as the best . Baily . Wart not thou take within this houre , in dame chats hens nest ? Hodge Take there ? no master chold not dot , for a house ful of gold . Chat Thou or the deuil in thy cote , sweare this I dare be bold . D. Rat. Sweare me no swearing quean , the deuill he geue the sorow , Al is not worth a gnat , thou canst sweare till to morow , Where is the harme he hath ? shew it by gods bread , Ye beat him with a witnes , but the stripes light on my head . Hodge Bet me ? gogs blessed body , chold first ich trow haue burst the Ich thinke and ch ad my hands loose callet chould haue crust the . Chat . Thou shitten knaue I trow thou knowest the ful weight of my fist I am fowly deceiued , onles thy head & my doore bar kyste Hodge Hold thy chat whore thou criest so loude , can no man els be hard Chat . Well knaue , & I had the alone , I wold surely rap the costard . Bayly . Sir answer me to this , is thy head whole or broken ? Chat. Yea master Bayly , blest be euery good token . Hodge Is my head whole ? ich warrant you , t is neither scuruy nor seald What you foule beast , does think t is either pild or bald . Nay ich thanke god : ch il not for al that thou maist spend That ch ad one scab on my narse , as brode as thy fingers end . Bayly . Come nearer heare . Hodge Yes That iche dare . Bayly . By our Lady here is no harme , Hodges head is hole ynough , for al dame Chats charme . Chat . By gogs blest , how euer the thing he clockes or smolders , I know the blowes he bare away , either with head or shoulders , Camest thou not knaue within this houre , creping into my pens And there was caught within my hous , groping among my hens . Hodge A plage both on thy hens & the , a carte whore , a carte , Chould I were hanged as hie as a tree , & chware as false as thou art Geue my gammer again her washi●al , thou stole away in thy lap . Gammer Yea maister baily there is a thing , you know not on may hay This drab she kepes away my good , the deuil he might her snare Ich pray you that ich might haue , a right action on her . Chat . Haue I thy good old filth , or any such old sowes ? I am as true , I wold thou knew , as skin betwene thy browes Gammer Many a truer hath been hanged , though you escape the daunger Chat , Thou shalt answer by gods pity , for this thy foule slaunder . Baily . Why , what can ye charge hir withal ? to say so , ye do not well . Gammer Mary a vengeance to hir hart , the whore hase stoln my neele . Chat . Thy nedle old witch , how so ? it were almes thy scul to knock So didst thou say , the other day , that I had stolne thy Cock And rosted him to my breakfast , which shal not be forgotten , The deuil pul out thy lying tong , and teeth that be so rotten . Gammer Geue me my neele , as for my cocke , chould be very loth That chuld here tel he shuld hang , on thy false faith and troth . Baily . Your talke is such , I can scarse learne who shuld be most in fault Gammer Yet shal ye find no other wight , saue she , by bred & salt Baily . Kepe ye content a while , se that your songes ye holde , Me thinkes you shuld remembre , this is no place to scolde , How knowest thou gammer gurton , dame Chat thy nedle hade Gammer To name you sir the party , chould not be very glad . Baily . Yea but we must nedes heare it , & therfore say it boldly . Gammer Such one as told the tale , full soberly and coldly , Euen he that loked on , wil sweare on a booke : What time this drunken gossip , my faire long neele vp tooke Diccon ( master ) the Bedlam , ch am very sure ye know him . Bailie . A false knaue by Gods pitie , ye were but a foole to trow him , I durst auenture wel the price of my best cap , That when the end is knowen , all wil turne to a iape , Tolde he not you that besides , she stole your Cocke that tyde ? Gammer No master no indede , for then he shuld haue lyed , My cocke is I thanke Christ , safe and wel a fine . Chat . Yea but that ragged colt , that whore that tyb of thine Said plainly thy cocke was stolne , & in my house was eaten , That lying cut is lost , that she is not swinged and beaten , And yet for al my good name , it were a small amendes I picke not this geare ( hearst thou ) out of my fingers ende But he that hard it told me , who thou of late didst name Diccon whom al men knowes , it was the very same . Baily . This is the case , you lost your nedle about the dores And she answeres againe , she hase no cocke of yours , Thus in you talke and Action , from that you do intend , She is whole fiue mile wide , from that she doth defend : Will you saie she hath your Cocke ? Gammer No mery sir that ch il not , Bayly . Will you confesse hir neele ? Chat . Will I ? no sir will I not . Bayly . Then there lieth all the matter . Gammer Soft master by the way , Ye know she could do litle , and she cold not say nay . Bayly . Yea but he that made one lie about your Cock stealing , Wil not sticke to make another , what time lies be in dealing I weene the ende wil proue , this brawle did first arise , Upon no other ground , but only Diccons lyes . Chat . Though some be lyes as you belike haue espyed them . Yet other some be true , by proof I haue wel tryed them . Bayly . What other thing beside this dame Chat . Chat . Mary syr euen this , The tale I tolde before , the selfe same tale it was his , He gaue me like a frende , warning against my loss , Els had my hens be stolne , eche one , by Gods crosse : He tolde me Hodge wold come , and in he came indeede , But as the matter chaunsed , with greater hast then speede , This truth was said , and true was found , as truly I report . Bayly . If Doctor Rat be not deceiued , it was of another sort . D. Rat. By Gods mother thou and he , be a cople of suttle foxes , Betweene you and Hodge . I beare away the boxes , Did not diccon apoynt the place , wher thou shuldst stand to mete him . Chat . Yes by the masse , & if he came , bad me not sticke to speet hym . D. Rat. Gods sacrament the villain knaue hath drest vs round about , He is the cause of all this brawle , that dyrty shitten loute : When gammer gurton here complained , & made a ruful mone I heard him sweare that you had gotten , hir nedle that was gone , And this to try he furder said , he was ful loth how be it He was content with small adoe , to bring me where to see it . And where ye sat , he said ful certain , if I wold folow his read Into your house a priuy way , he wold me guide and leade , And where ye had it in your hands , sewing about a clowte , And set me in the backe hole , therby to finde you out : And whiles I sought a quietnes , creping vpon my knees , I found the weight of your dore bar , for my reward and fees , Such is the lucke that some men gets , while they begin to mel In setting at one such as were out . minding to make al wel . Hodge Was not wel blest gammer , to scape the scoure , & ch ad ben there Then ch ad ben drest be like , as ill by the masse , as gaffar vicar . Bayly . Mary sir , here is a sport alone , I loked for such an end If diccon had not playd the knaue , this had ben sone amend My gammer here he made a foole , and drest hir as she was And good wife Chat he set to scole , till both partes cried alas , And D. Rat was not behind , whiles Chat his crown did pare , I wold the knaue had been starke blind , if hodg had not his share . Hodge Ch am meetly wel sped alredy amongs , ch am drest like a coult And ch ad not had the better wit , ch ad bene made a coult . Bayly . Sir knaue make hast diccon were here , fetch him where euer he bee Chat . Fie on the villaine , fie , fie , that makes vs thus agree , Gammer Fie on him knaue , with al my hart , now fie , and fie againe . D. Rat. Now fie on him may I best say , whom he hath almost slaine . Bayly . Lo where he commeth at hand , belike he was not fare Diccon heare be two or three , thy company can not spare . Diccon God blesse you , and you may be blest so many al at once Chat . Come knaue , it were a good deed to geld the by cockes bones Seest not thy handiwarke ? sir Rat can ye forbeare him ? Diccon A vengeance on those hands lite , for my hande cam not nere hym The horsen priest hath lift the pot , in some of these alewyues chayres That his head wolde not serue him , belyke to come downe the stayres . Baily . Nay soft , thou maist not play the knaue , & haue this language to If thou thy tong bridle a while , the better maist thou do , Confesse the truth as I shall aske , and cease a while to fable . And for thy fault I promise the , thy handling shal be reasonable Hast thou not made a lie or two , to set these two by the eares ? Diccon What if I haue ? fiue hundred such haue I seene within these seuen yeares : I am sory for nothing else but that I see not the sport Which was betwene them when they met , as they themselues report Bayly . The greatest thing master rat , ye se how he is drest . Diccon . What deuil nede he be groping so depe , in good wife Chats hens nest Bayly . Yea but it was thy drift to bring him into the briars . Diccon . Gods bread , hath not such an old foole , wit to saue his eares ? He showeth himselfe herein ye see , so very a coxe , The Cat was not so madly alured by the Foxe , To run into the snares , was set for him doubtlesse , For he leapt in for myce , and this sir Iohn for madnes . D. Rat. Well and ye shift no better , ye losel , lyther , and lasye , I will go neare for this , to make ye leape at a Dasye . In the kings name master Bayly , I charge you set him fast . Diccon . What fast at cardes , or fast on slepe ? it is the thing I did last . D. Rat. Nay fast in fetters false varlet , according to thy deedes . Bayly . Master doctor ther is no remedy , I must intreat you needes Some other kinde of punishment , D. Rat. Nay by all Halowes . His punishment if I may iudg , shal be naught els but the gallous . Bayly . That were to sore , a spiritual man to be so extreame . D. Rat. Is he worthy any better , sir how do ye iudge and deame ? Bayly . I graunt him wortie punishment , but in no wise so great . Gammer It is a shame ich tel you plaine , for such false knaues intreat He has almost vndone vs al , that is as true as steele : And yet for al this great a do'cham neuer the nere my neele . Bayly . Canst thou not say any thing to that diccon , wish least or most ? Diccon Yea mary sir , thus much I can say wel , the nedle is lost . Bayly . Nay canst not thou tel which way , that nedle may be found Diccon No by my fay sir . though I might haue an hundred pound . Hodge Thou lier lickdish , didst not say the neele wold be gitten ? Diccon No hodge , by the same token , you where that time beshitten ? For feare of Hobgobling , you wot wel what I meane , As long as it is sence , I feare me yet ye be scarce cleane . Bayly . Wel master rat , you must both learne , & teach vs to forgeue Since Diccon hath confession made , & is so cleane shreue , If ye to me conscent , to amend this heauie chaunce . I wil inioyne him here , some open kind of penaunce : Of this condition , where ye know my fee is twenty pence For the bloodshed , I am agreed with you here to dispence , Ye shal go quite , so that ye graunt , the matter now to run , To end with mirth emong vs al , euen as it was begun . Chat . Say yea master vicar , & he shal sure confes to be your dotter And al we that be heare present , wil loue you much the better D. Rat. My part is the worst , but since you al here on agree . Go euen to master Bayly , let it be so for mee , Bayly . How saiest thou diccon , art content this shal on me depend Diccon Go to M. Bayly say on your mind , I know ye are my frend : Bayly . Then marke ye wel , to recompence this thy former action Because thou hast offended al , to make them satisfaction , Before their faces , here kneele downe , & as I shal the teach . For thou shalt take on othe , of hodges leather breache First for master Doctor , vpon paine of his curse , Where he wil pay for al , thou neuer draw thy purse , And when ye meete at one pot , he shall haue the first pull , And thou shalt neuer offer him the cup , but it be full . To good wife chat thou shalt be sworne , euen on the same wyse If she refuse thy money once , neuer to offer it twise . Thou shalt be bound by the same here , as thou dost take it When thou maist drinke of free cost , thou neuer forsake it : For gammer gurtons sake , againe sworne shalt thou bee To helpe hir to hir nedle againe if it do lie in thee And likewise be bound : by the vertue of that To be of good abering to Gib hir great Cat : Last of al for Hodge , the othe to scanne , Thou shalt neuer take him , for fine gentleman . Hodge Come on fellow Diccon ch al be euen with thee now . Bayly Thou wilt not sticke to do this Diccon I trow . Diccon No by my fathers skin , my hand downe I lay it ? Loke as I haue promised , I wil not denay it , But Hodge take good heede now , thou do not beshite me . And gaue him a good blow on the buttocke . Hodge Gogs hart thou false villaine dost thou bite me ? Bayly What Hodge doth he hurt the or euer he begin . Hodge He thrust me into the buttocke , with a bodkin or a pin , I saie Gammer , Gammer ? Gammer How now Hodge , how now : Hodge Gods mait Gammer gurton . Gammer Thou art mad ich trow . Hodge Will you see the deuil Gammer . Gammer The deuil sonne , god blesse vs . Hodge Chould iche were hanged Gammer . Gammer Mary se ye might dresse vs . Hodge Chaue it by the masse Gammer Gammer What not my neele Hodge ? Hodge Your Neele Gammer , your neele . Gammer No fie , dost but dodge . Hodge Cha found your neele Gammer , here in my hand be it . Gammer For al the loues on earth Hodge , let me see it . Hodge Soft Gammer . Gammer Good Hodge . Hodge Soft ich say , tarie a while . Gammer Nay sweete Hodge say truth , and do not me begile . Hodge Ch am sure on it ich warrant you : it goes no more a stray Gammer Hodge when I speake so faire : wilt stil say me nay : Hodge Go neare the light gammer this wel in faith good lucke : Chwas almost vndone : t was so far in my buttocke Gammer T is min owne deare neele Hodge , sykerly I wot Hodge Ch am I not a good sonne gammer , cham I not , Gammer Christs blessing light on thee , hast made me for euer Hodge Ich knew that ich must finde it , els choud a had it neuer Chat . By my troth Gossyp gurton , I am euen as glad As though I mine owne selfe as good a turne had : Bayly . And I by my concience , to see it so come forth , Reioyce so much at it , as three nedles be worth . D. Rat. I am no whit sory to see you so reioyce . Diccon Nor I much the gladder for al this noyce : Yet say gramercy Diccon , for springing of the game . Gammer Gramercy Diccon twenty times , o how glad cham , If that chould do so much , your masterdome to come hether , Master Rat , good wife Chat , and Diccon together : Cha but one half peny , as far as iche know it , And ch il not rest this night , till ich bestow it . If euer ye loue me , let vs go in and drinke . Bayly . I am content if the rest thinke as I thinke ! Master Rat it shal be best for you if we so doo , Then shall you warme you and dresse your self too . Diccon Soft syrs , take vs with you , the company shal be the more , As proude coms behinde they say , as any goes before , But now my good masters since we must be gone And leaue you behinde vs , here all alone : Since at our last ending , thus mery we bee , For Gammer Gurtons nedle sake , let vs haue a plaudytie . Finis , Gurton . Perused and alowed , &c.

Imprinted at London in Fleetestreate beneath the Conduite , at the signe of S. Iohn Euangelist , by Thomas Colwell . 1575 .

Machine-generated castlist A12969-hodge 115 A12969-gurton 102 A12969-diccon 101 A12969-chat 66 A12969-baily 50 A12969-rat 43 A12969-tyb 15 A12969-cock 9 A12969-unassigned 3
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Mr● Made by Mr . S. Mr. of Art. Impr●nted Imprynted at London in Fleetestreat beneth the Conduit Mu●es Mutes . to●● By chance or misfortune as shes her grare test In Hodge lether bryches her needle shee ▪ Hodge lether bryches her needle shee lost , When Diccon the bedlem had hard by report ●ob●e hard by report That good Gāmer Gurton was robde in thys sorte , He quyetly perswaded with wai●● a myle haue I walked , diuers and sundry waies And many a good mās house haue I bin at An● Many a gossips cup in my tyme haue I tasted And many a broche and spyt , haue I both turned ●acon I both turned and basted Many a peece of bacon haue I had out of thir balkes In ronnyng n●uer long and were walkes , Yet came my foote neuer , within those doore ch●ekes , To seeke ch●ekes came my foote neuer , within those doore cheekes , To seeke flesh or fysh ▪ Garlyke , Onyons ▪ those doore ch●ekes , To seeke flesh or fysh , Garlyke , Onyons or Leckes . That euer I ap●er●th in such a plyght As here within this house appereth to my s●ght , There is howlynge and sco●lyng s●ght As here within this house ap●er●th to my syght , There is howlynge and sco●lyng a●l 〈…〉 sco●lyng ap●er●th to my s●ght , There is howlynge and scowlyng, a●l 〈…〉 adamye , With whewling and pewling a●l my s●ght , There is howlynge and sco●lyng all 〈…〉 adamye , With whewling and pewling , 〈…〉 s●ght , There is howlynge and sco●lyng a●l cast in adamye , With whewling and pewling , as adamye , There is howlynge and sco●lyng a●l 〈…〉 adumpe , With whewling and pewling , as though ●hem dayes fully ended Synce my dame Gurton ( them sure ) these breches amended , But cham ●ys ¶ Tush man thart deceyued , tys theyr dayly looke , They coure so ouer the ▪ ich saw such a wonder as ich saw nat this . vii. yere Tome Tannkards Cow ( be gogs bones 〈◊〉 better for some of vs to haue ben hence a myle My Gammer is so out of course , and trantyke trantyke myle 〈◊〉 Gammer is so out of course , and frantyke all at ones That Co●ke our boy●● I poore Co●ke of course , and trantyke all at ones That Cocke our boy●● I poore wench , haue felt it on boy●● , and trantyke all at ones That Co●ke our boy, I poore wench , haue felt it on our bones H●●ge Hodge ● ; What is the matter , say on Tib wherat 〈◊〉 She is vndone she sayth ( alas , ) her ioye ●he ¶ 〈◊〉 is vndone she sayth ( alas , ) her ioye and life is gone 〈◊〉 sayth ( alas , ) her ioye and life is gone If shee here not of some comfort , she is sayth ●ome comfort , she is sayth but dead Shall neuer come within her lyps , one inch of meate ne bread 〈◊〉 Byr La●●e cham not very glad , to see her in La●●e ¶ 〈◊〉 Ladie cham not very glad , to see her in this ●er , to see her in this dumpe Cholde a noble her stole hath fallen , & shee hath broke her ● Nay and t●at were the worst , we wold not t●at ● Nay and that were the worst , we wold not greatly care bursti●g the worst , we wold not greatly care For bursting of her huckle bone , or breakyng of her T●b Tyb , belli● I would she had lost , tharte out of her bellie The Deuill or els his dame , they ought murry●n dame , they ought her sure a shame How a murryon came this chaunce , ( say Tib ) vnto our breeche● her downe on her pes , & had me reach thy breeches And ●y & by , a vengeāce in it or she had ●y her pes , & had me reach thy breeche● And by & by , a vengeāce in it or she had take chau●ce stitches To clap a clout vpon thine ars , by chaunce a syde she ●eares And gyb our ●at in the ●eares clout vpon thine ars , by chau●ce a syde she leares And gyb our ●at in the milke pan , she spied ●at by chau●ce a syde she ●eares And gyb our cat in the milke pan , she spied ouer head and cha●e cold set their eies vpō it Gogs malison chaue Cocke and I , b●d twenty times light on b●d vpō it Gogs malison cha●e Cocke and I , byd twenty times light on it . ●ot ¶ And is not thē my breches sewid vp , to morow yt I ●odge ¶ No in faith hodge thy breeches lie for 〈◊〉 this neuer the 〈◊〉 ¶ No in faith ●odge thy breeches lie for al this neuer the ●ere . ne●er faith ●odge thy breeches lie for 〈◊〉 this neuer the ●ere . ●ere ●odge thy breeches lie for 〈◊〉 this neuer the nere . vēg●ance ¶ Now a vegeauce light on al ye sort , that better shold cat● sort , that better shold haue kept it , The cat, the house , and t●b our maid , that better t●b shold haue kept it , The cat● the house , and tib our maid , that better shold haue swept S● our maid , that better shold haue swept it Se where we cōmeth crawling , come on in twenty not● haue made a fayre daies worke , haue you not? pray you say . fyr●st ¶ The fyrest Acte . ●āmer Gammer h●ge ALas hoge , alas . I may well cursse and ban This io●e stacke away my deare neele , and robd me of my love My fayre longe strayght nedle that was myne ne●le robd me of my io●e My fayre longe strayght nedle that was myne onely treasure The fyrst day po●●st cary out dust in thy lap seeke wher thou porest it downe And as thou sawest me roking , down● dust in thy lap seeke wher thou po●●st it downe And as thou sawest me roking , in the asshes do● neele to kepe What deuill had you els to doe ye kept ich wot no sheepe Cham faine a brode del●e wot no sheepe Cham faine a brode to dyg and delue ▪ in water ▪ myre and claye Sossing and ▪ sheepe Cham faine a brode to dyg and del●e , in water ▪ myre and claye Sossing and possing ▪ faine a brode to dyg and del●e ▪ in water , myre and claye Sossing and possing in the ●ay Sossing and possing in the durte , styll from day to daye A hundred thinges that be abrode b● styll from day to daye A hundred thinges that be abrode , cham set to see them weele And ●oure be abrode , cham set to see them weele And foure of you syt ●●le at home , and can not k●●pe ●●le set to see them weele And ●oure of you syt idle at home , and can not k●●pe 〈◊〉 . k●●pe ●oure of you syt ●●le at home , and can not keepe 〈◊〉 . 〈◊〉 you syt ●●le at home , and can not k●●pe a neele . 〈◊〉 ¶ My neele alas ich lost it hodge , what time ich m● vp h●●t ● To saue the milke set vp m● neele alas ich lost it hodge , what 〈◊〉 ich me vp h●●t ● To saue the milke set vp for the h●●t alas ich lost it hodge , what 〈◊〉 ich m● vp hasted ● To saue the milke set vp for the , which g●b To saue the milke set vp for the , which gib our c●t hath wasted c●t the milke set vp for the , which g●b our cat hath wasted ●e ¶ The Deuill he burst both gib , and 〈…〉 th all the rest 〈…〉 ¶ The Deuill ●e burst both gib , and Tib, th all the rest Cham alwa●es sure of the th ¶ The Deuill ●e burst both gib , and 〈…〉 with all the rest Cham alwa●es sure of the worst alwa●es burst both gib , and 〈…〉 th all the rest Cham alwayes sure of the worst end , who euer haue the b●st sure of the worst end , who euer haue the best Where ha you ben flaging abr●de , since yo● worst end , who euer haue the best Where ha you ben flaging abr●de , since you your ●eele flaging , who euer haue the best Where ha you ben fidging abr●de , since you your ●eele l●●t ●eele ha you ben flaging abr●de , since you your neele l●●t l●●t ben flaging abr●de , since you your ●eele lost sittin● ¶ Within the house , and at the dore , sitting by this same post Wher I was loking a long ●hese post Wher I was loking a long howre , before these folks came here , But welaway , all was h●re loking a long howre , before these folks came here , But welaway , all was in vayne , my neel● neel● here , But welaway , all was in vayne , my neele is neuer th● n●r● . n●uer welaway , all was in vayne , my neel● is neuer th● n●r● . th● welaway , all was in vayne , my neel● is neuer the n●r● . n●r● all was in vayne , my neel● is neuer th● nere . ●et ¶ Set me a candle let me seeke and grope where euer it 〈◊〉 Gogs 〈◊〉 candle let me seeke and grope where euer it bee Gogs hart ye be so folish ( ich thinke ) kn●w● Gogs hart ye be so folish ( ich thinke ) you knowe it not when you ●● see n●t be so folish ( ich thinke ) you kn●w● it not when you ●● see ●● ( ich thinke ) you kn●w● it not when you it see ●oe Goe hye thee soone , and grope behynd the old boy● may catch thine eares Art deffe thou horson boy cocke I say , why canst not heares . flour● Hodg lieth tomblynge and tossing amids the floure Rakyng there some fayre to find amonge the no●ght sparkes he thought he sees Which where indede nought els but Gyb our cats two eyes Puffe quod cam● wyncke , Tyll Hodge fell of swering , as came h●st to his turne , The ●●er was sure bewicht h●st wyncke , Tyll Hodge fell of swering , as cam● best to his turne , The ●●er was sure bewicht ●●er swering , as cam● h●st to his turne , The fier was sure bewicht , and therfore wold not s●innes he hied him after till broke were both his shinnes : Cursynge and swering othes , were neuer Urchy● here is all the thought that the foolysh Urchyn taketh , And Lyb me thinke at his elbowe mo●e all the wyt ye haue when others make their mone , Come downe Hodge , where art thou and ●oule nay then you might count me a patch , The soule cometh downe on your ●eads if it take ons ●eads a patch , The soule cometh downe on your heads if it take ons yt thatch . 〈◊〉 Gamer ●e No , but they shyne as lyke fyre as euer man ●y By the masse and she burne all , you●h heare you●h ¶ By the masse and she burne all , yoush heare the blame for mee heare ¶ By the masse and she burne all , you●h beare the blame for mee D●wne to seeke here our neele that it were found Downe ●yb on t●o knees I say , downe C●ck● to ●yb seeke here our neele that it were found D●wne Tyb on t●o knees I say , downe C●ck● to the t●o our neele that it were found D●wne ●yb on tho knees I say , downe C●ck● to the ground C●ck● found D●wne ●yb on t●o knees I say , downe Cocke to the ground . to God I make a vowe , and ●o knees I say , downe C●ck● to the ground . to God I make a vowe , and so to good Saint can●e●●hall make a vowe , and so to good Saint Anne A candel shall they haue a peece , get it where I vengea●nce ¶ Now a vengeaunce on 〈◊〉 lyght , on gyb and gybs mother And 〈◊〉 ¶ Now a vengea●nce on gib lyght , on gyb and gybs mother And all the o● gyb and gybs mother And all the generacyon of Cats both far and nere Looke on the ground ●orson Cats both far and nere Looke on the ground horson think● thou the neele is here . think● both far and nere Looke on the ground ●orson thinks thou the neele is here . tho● and nere Looke on the ground ●orson think● thou the neele is here . ●y By my t●outh gammer me thought your nedle here t●outh ¶ ●y my trouth gammer me thought your nedle here I saw ne●le ¶ ●y my t●outh gammer me thought your nedle here I saw But when my fyngers toucht it ●ell here I saw But when my fyngers toucht it , I felt it was a straw . ty● ¶ See Hodge whats tys , may it not be withi● it , no● ¶ See Hodge whats ty● , may it not be withi● it , withi● ¶ See Hodge whats ty● , may it not be within it , ●oo●e ¶ Breake it foole with thy hand and see and thou canst fynde ●yb Tyb ●ogs Gogs ●ydes , fye it styncks ▪ it is a Cats to●rd ●ydes ¶ ●ogs sydes , fye it styncks ▪ it is a Cats to●rd , ▪ ¶ ●ogs ●ydes , fye it styncks : it is a Cats to●rd , it were well done to to●rd ●ogs ●ydes , fye it styncks ▪ it is a Cats tourd , it were well done to make thee eare it ●t ●ydes , fye it styncks ▪ it is a Cats to●rd , it were well done to make thee eare it by the ne●le ¶ This matter amendeth not my nedle is 〈◊〉 where it wasse Our candle is at an 〈◊〉 ¶ This matter amendeth not my nedle is still where it wasse Our candle is at an ende anende nedle is 〈◊〉 where it wasse Our candle is at an ende let vs all in ●u●ght and come another ●u●ght wasse Our candle is at an ende let vs all in quight and come another tyme , wh●● we haue more ●nd candle is at an ende let vs all in ●u●ght and come another tyme , wh●● we haue more lyght wh●● vs all in ●u●ght and come another tyme , when we haue more lyght ●aue in ●u●ght and come another tyme , wh●● we haue more lyght ●acke theyr wyues whether they be yonge or olde . Backe and syde go bare . &c. 〈◊〉 Come on mother Chat as thou art true mayde , One fresh pot of ale lets see to make an ende so●le armes to defende , This gere it warms the soule , now wind blow on the worst , And let vs ▪ Dyccon will dyne But one good turne I haue , be it by nyght or daye South , East , North i● fellow Hodge & will to face , wt thy meat , if yu haue any ! But by thy words as I thē ver●e ouer other tumbleth By gogs harte cham so verte , and in my belly pende Chould one peece Godg● Godgs bread Diccon ich came to late , was nothing G●b ich came to late , was nothing ther to get Gib ( a ●owle feind might on her light ( lickt ●owle to late , was nothing ther to get G●b ( a fowle feind might on her light ( lickt ye milke we●e not so well washt this .vii. yere as ich were A pestilence lyght on all ill lucke , chad ●hys all ill lucke , chad thought yet for all thys Of a morsell of bacon behynde the do●● at do●● all ●hys Of a morsell of bacon behynde the hore at worst shuld not misse , But when ich 〈◊〉 to do Gogs soule Diccon , gyb our Cat had eate the bacon to . Which bacon Diccon stole bl●●t Thou rose not on thy right syde , or els blest thee not wel . Thy mylk slopt vp , thy bacō fil●ched thee not wel . Thy mylk slopt vp , thy bacō filtched , that was to bad luck hodg . th●t hadst a shamefull losse , & it wer but for that 〈◊〉 n●●le yu Hodg , what shuld he haue , again thy nedle got 〈◊〉 Chyll runne , chyll ryde , chyll dygge , chyl delue , ( chill toyle , chill trudge shalt see ▪ Chill scrape , chill scratche , chill syfte , chyll seeke , ( chill bowe , chill bende sto●p bowe , chill bende , chill sweate . Chil stoop , chil stur , chil cap chil knele , chil ▪ chil knele , chil crepe on hāds & feete , Chil be thy bondman Diccon , ich sweare bithe ¶ Kirstian Clack Tom simsons maid , bi the masse coms hether to morow Cham not ●eole I thee byd For so I iudge it meete , This nedle againe to win There is no shift therin But pretycharme faith , that is the waye , Fet with some prety charme . teac●e of this Cyrcle plat But stande as I thee teache . ●olde ¶ By the masse cham able no longer to holde it , To bad iche must beraye the hall . pres●nce prancke ? But thy matter was no better Nor thy presence here no sweter , To flye I can the thanke ye same There is 5. trumps beside the Queene , that hindmost yu shalt finde her Take hede of goodwi●e ¶ No goodwife chat I wold be lot● such drabs shulde blot lot● ¶ No goodwi●e chat I wold be loth such drabs shulde blot my name But yet ye m●e your rede : say on your minde , ( ye shall mee rule herein . D●ll carcas eaten , the fethers ye out flunge And Doll your maid the legs she hid a foote depe ro●e ¶ Well rule your selfe a space And gammer gurton when 〈◊〉 lets see tell her your mynd & spare not So shall Diccon blamelesse bee , and then go to I 〈…〉 Then shoore beware her t●rot● , I can abide no longer t●rot● ¶ 〈…〉 beware her throte , I can abide no longer In 〈◊〉 old witch 〈◊〉 beware her t●rot● , I can abide no longer In faith old witch it shalbe seene , which of vs 〈◊〉 shalbe seene , which of vs two be stronger And Diccon but at your request , I wold not ●eepe ¶ Well keepe it in till she be here and then out let mean● be here and then out let it powre , In the meane while get you in , and make no wordes of whi●● and then out let it powre , In the meane while get you in , and make no wordes of this matt●● , and make no wordes of this More of this matttr wt in this howre to here you shall not misse ▪ 〈…〉 Di●con and drynke , what Doll I say 〈…〉 ▪ Nay soft Di●con and drynke , what Doll I say Bringe Di●con ▪ 〈…〉 Diccon and drynke , what Doll I say Bringe here Actt. The ii. Act wo end tapt of this my short deuise Now must we br●che theter to , howre the smoke arise br●che tapt of this my short deuise Now must wo broche theter to , howre the smoke arise And by h● ¶ Gogs hart , & cold he tel nothing wher the neele might be found g●t folysh dolt , ye were to seek , ear we had got our ground , Therfore his tale so doubtfull ▪ neuer be my lucke my neele agayne to spye : Alas the whyle tys past my helpe , where sadne●● gammer gurtō , what driueth you to this sadnes I feare me by my conscience , you will sure bes●de spare , As god him selfe he knoweth nere one besyde chaue . moth●rs durst be sworne it was euen yours , by all my mothers kyn . 〈◊〉 my neele diccon ich wot , for here euen by this p●ste Ich sat , what time as ich vp starte p●ste neele diccon ich wot , for here euen by 〈◊〉 poste Ich sat , what time as ich vp starte , and le●●e starte , and so my neele it loste : Who was it leiue son ? speke ich pray the , & quickly tell s●ttle ¶ A suttle queane as any in thys Towne , ( your neyghboure h●ste diccon let me be gone , chil thyther in post haste . 〈◊〉 soft dame chat ( quoth I ) that same is none of yours Auant ( quoth she ) syr knaue , what 〈…〉 she ) syr knaue , what pratest thou of that I fynd : I wold yt hadst kist me I wot whear : 〈◊〉 hadst kist me I wot whear : ( she ment I know behind ) And home she went as brag , as it had tha● deceiued she is geuen to it of kynde , He that may tarry by it a whyle , and that but shorts e●en gramercy , cham meetlye well sped now , Thart euen as good a felow as euer kyste a cowe , Here tankard● dede , by ye masse though ich speake it Tom tankards great bald cortal , I thinke could not breake ●yd Hays lent me here his naull , to set the gyb forward , As for my Gammers neele , the ●lyenge ●yd forward , As for my Gammers neele , the flyenge feyud go we●te , Chill not now go to the we●te for my Gammers neele , the ●lyenge feyud go weete , Chill not now go to the ●oore againe with no● neele , the ●lyenge feyud go we●te , Chill not now go to the ●oore againe with it to meete ●oore feyud go we●te , Chill not now go to the doore againe with it to meete : Chould make shyfte ●●●e make shyfte good inough and chad a candels ende , The cheese hole in my breeche , with these chee●e good inough and chad a candels ●●●e , The cheese hole in my breeche , with these two chil ●ais glade , cha newes to tell thee Ich knowe who hais my neele , ich trust soone shalt it see ▪ great blacke deuill , O the knaue cryed ho , ho , he roared and he thundred , And yead ●nd cowes tayle : And crooked clouen feete , and many a hoked nayle ? For al the world ( to● ¶ Nay gammer ( heare me speke ) chil tel you a greater thing , The deuil ( when diccon ●●●mer Gamer 〈◊〉 her wherfore she minds to kepe it , Seing we know so much , tware a madnes now to slepe 〈◊〉 ¶ Go to her ●āmer see ye not where she stands in her ●āmer ¶ Go to 〈◊〉 gāmer see ye not where she stands in her doores ●na●e shall set the further . Intends thou and that knaue , mee in my house to murther : ▪ ¶ Tush gape not so no me woman , shalt not yet eate mee , Nor all the frends agre●s folks must haue right , though the thing you agreue . ▪ baggers broode What wilt thou make me a theefe , and say I stole thy good : siut Thou warte as good kysse my tayle : Thou slut, yu kut , yu rokes ▪ y● iakes : will not ▪ kysse my tayle : Thou siut yu kut , yu rokes , y● iakes : will not shau●e make y● ●ide y● my tayle : Thou siut yu kut , yu rokes ▪ yu iakes : will not shau●e make y● ●ide iakes tayle : Thou siut yu kut , yu rokes ▪ y● takes : will not shau●e make y● ●ide shau●e siut yu kut , yu rokes ▪ y● iakes : will not shame make y● ●ide ●ide rokes ▪ y● iakes : will not shau●e make y● hide ●hou thou shald thou bald , thou ro●ten , yu glotton ro●ten ¶ thou shald thou bald , thou rotten , yu glotton , I will no lenger chyd the b●●ste ¶ Wylt thou drunken beaste . Sm●te the head , chil warrant you thys feast . Smyte I laye gammer , 〈◊〉 I lay gammer , I trow 〈◊〉 warrant you thys feast . Sm●te I laye gammer , Byte I lay gammer , I trow ye wyll ●●●●one : ●●●●one gammer , 〈◊〉 I lay gammer , I trow ye wyll be keene : Where by your ●●yl● ? claw her by the ●●yl● , I trow ye wyll ●●●●one : Where by your nayle ? claw her by the iawes , pull me out bothe gr●te dresse thee . Tary yu knaue I hold the a grote , I shall make these hands blesse thee Take y● I shall make these hands blesse thee Take yu this old hore for a mends , & lerne thy a hands blesse thee Take y● this old hore for for a mends , & lerne thy tonge well to tame And ●calde feygh now for vs bothe , Come no nere me thou scalde ●allet , to kyll the ich wer loth . ●allet for vs bothe , Come no nere me thou ●calde callet , to kyll the ich wer loth . der● , ( chyll coniure that foule sprete : Let dore stand Cock , why come in deede ? kepe dore ●astard ¶ Stand to it yu bastard for thine eares , ise teche y● a sluttish y● it yu ●astard for thine eares , ise teche yu a sluttish toye . fluttish ●astard for thine eares , ise teche y● a sluttish toye . G●gs Gogs woundes hore , chil make the auaunte , ( ol● get once on foote Thouse pay for all , yu old tar lether , ile teach the what longs to hore● gammer stand on your feete , where is the olde hore? Faith woulde chad her by the face ( choulde ●allet chad her by the face ( choulde cracke her callet crowne ●ls our own neele at home Twill be my chaunce els some to kil , wher euer it be or whome y● ¶ Ye mary gammer , yu ich think best : wyll you now for him send ●end y● ich think best : wyll you now for him send The sooner Doctor Rat be here , the soner wes● The sooner Doctor Rat be here , the soner wese ha an ende , And here gammer Dyccons deuill ●et forty pound , that is the way your neele to get againe . ●e●e coke I saye , come out what deuill canst not here . cl●●re● hodg ? how does gammer , is yet the wether cleare? What wold chaue me to doe ? ●ether ¶ Come hether C●cke anon : Hence swythe to Doctor Rat C●cke ¶ Come ●ether Cocke anon : Hence swythe to Doctor Rat , hye E●s at his chamber , of els at mother Bees , Els seeke him at Hobfytchers shop for as charde Th●re There is the best ale in al the towne ▪ and now ▪ Th●re is the best ale in al the towne , and now is most resorted . ● And shall ich brynge hym with me gammer ● Yea , by and by good Cocke . Ho●ge Hodge hy● Now gammer shal we two go in , and tary for hys commynge What deuill w●man plucke vp your w●man in , and tary for hys commynge What deuill woman plucke vp your hart , & leue of al this 〈◊〉 al this glōmīg Though she were stronger at yu first , as ich thinke ye did find her ●ow Yet there ye brest the dronkē sow , what time ye cam behind her ¶ Nay , nay ▪ , what time ye cam behind her ¶ Nay , nay , cham sure she lost not all , for let them le●s ¶ Soft be content , lets here what newes ( Cocke bringeth from maist b●n ¶ Gammer chaue ben ther as you bad , you wot wel about what hob●ilchers ¶ Yes , yes euen at hobfilchers house , by him yt bought and solde me A Ch●d in his hand , and a crab lay in the fyer , Chad much a do to go and come , al was so ful p●nny hard beside the doore poste , I chould a penny can say something , your neele againe to ●●●mer Gamer ● Cham glad to heare so much Cocke , then loo●e I come not at their call , I only therby loose , For I am sure to lacke therfore , a tythe glos●er talke so sage and smothe , as though I were a glosier Els or the yere come at an end . I shalbe ●hat cha trobled , cha trobled you , chwot wel that lus●ie ¶ How do ye woman : be ye lustie , or be ye not wel at ease : 〈◊〉 ¶ By gys master cham not sich , but yet chaue a disease . Chad a foule matter● ¶ What is the mattere wh●t good neele , My necle I say , and wot ye what : a drab came by and spied it And when I s●●th it And when I asked hir for the same , the filth flatly demed it . brawl● dame ich warrant you she began to scold and brawle Alas , ala● , come hether Hodge : this wriche ala● you she began to scold and brawl● Alas , alas , come hether Hodge : this wriche can tell 〈…〉 Come on fellow let vs heare . Thy dame hath sayd to me , thou whi●e neele fell in the floore , see now , And while her staffe shee tooke , see now , at Gyb ▪ now is not this a wondrous case , see now ? When ich saw this , ich was worthe see now o● Here comes the man that see hir take it vp on the ground , Aske him your selfe master y● what thou can expresse . Wilt thou be sworne yu 〈…〉 haue ▪ 〈…〉 thou can expresse . Wilt thou be sworne y● seest dame chat, this womans neele haue ▪ ▪ expresse . Wilt thou be sworne y● 〈…〉 haue ? 〈…〉 ¶ Nay by S. Benit wil I not , then might ye thinke me ra●● . ra●● Nay by S. Benit wil I not , then might 〈…〉 raue . did 〈…〉 ¶ Why didst deny it 〈…〉 ¶ I mary gammer : but I said I wold not abide by it . ●r ¶ Stick to it quoth you master rat , mary sir I defy it . Nay there is many an honest degre● honestie It may be a simple man , if your and my degree. y●u or you cold go twise to church , I warant you hote nowe , She shall looke wel about hir ●ay She shall looke wel about hir , but I durst say a pledge , Ye shal of gammers neele , haue ● ¶ By the masse I may not tarry so long to be your iudge . whi●e ¶ Dys but a litle while man , what take so much paine , If I here wi●l so much paine , If I here no newes of it I will come sooner againe . ●e ¶ Then let vs hie ue inward , and Diccon speede thy busines . ye● ¶ Now sirs do yee no more , but kepe my counsaile iuste , ●ame captaine to lay the Rat in the dust , God deuen dame Chat in faith , and wel met in this place brane would thou hadst sene , o lord I drest them braue She bare me two or three souses behind in I● dirty dastard , that at hir elbow standes , If one paire of legs had not bene worth two 〈…〉 ¶ By the moste I can the thank wench , yu didst so w●l acquite the w●l the moste I can the thank wench , 〈…〉 so wel acquite the 〈…〉 ¶ And thadst seene him Di●con , it wold haue made y● beshite Di●con ¶ And 〈…〉 him Diccon , it wold haue made y● beshite the For laughter y● ¶ And 〈…〉 him Di●con , it wold haue made yu beshite the For laughter . The 〈…〉 hast 〈…〉 haue made y● beshite the For laughter . The horsen dolt at hast caught vp a club , As though he would ●ast made y● beshite the For laughter . The 〈…〉 last caught vp a club , As though he would haue ●arde Euen now I sawe him last , like a mad man he farde , And sware by heauen and hell ▪ he would ▪ man he ●arde , And sware by heauen and hell , he would a wreake his sorowe And leue you li●e wreake his sorowe And leue you neuer a hen on liue ▪ by viii. of the clock to morow , Therfore ▪ his sorowe And leue you neuer a hen on li●e . by viii. of the clock to morow , Therfore be● ¶ I am as glad as a woman can bee of this thing to here tell By gogs bones h●r but it please her to whome : Yet dyd I take her tardy , as s●btle as she was . s●btle to whome : Yet dyd I take her tardy , as subtle as she was . wen●st ¶ The thing that thou wentst for , hast thou brought it to passe ? tw●●yes there I sawe the neele , euen with these two eyes , Who euer say the contrary , I will sweare ▪ leape , There shal ye finde the Bitchfox , and the neele together Do as I bid you man ●●uent drest ? Who euer it wrought , and first did inuent it , He shall I warrant him , erre long su●pe them beares , I will surely neither byte nor suppe Till I fetch him hether , this matter to withsto●d as your words make probation But stoutly withstood your forcible inuasion , If that a theefe theef● out , and a good cause why : But I am no theefe sir but an honest learned Clarke . b●t ¶ Yea but who knoweth that , when he mee●s you in mee●s ¶ Yea but who knoweth that , when he meets you in the darke I am sure your learning mar●a●●● shines not out at your nose , Was it any maruaile , though the poore woman arose And start th●t was in hir purse Me thinke you may be glad that you lucke was no worse . ●ill ¶ Is not this euill ynough , I pray you as you thinke , Showing b●oken , I pray you as you thinke , Showing his broken head . 〈◊〉 Baily ● Yea but a man in the darke , of chaunces 〈…〉 man in the darke , of chaunces do wincke , As sonne he smites his father as any other man . ●ather of chaunces do wincke , 〈…〉 he smites his father as any other man . 〈◊〉 for ●●●ke of ●ight . 〈…〉 he smites his father as any other man , 〈◊〉 for ●●●ke of ●ight , discerne him he 〈◊〉 〈…〉 he smites his father as any other man . Because for ●●●ke of ●ight , discerne him he ne ●●●ke smites his father as any other man . 〈◊〉 for lacke of ●ight , discerne him he ne can . 〈◊〉 ●ight father as any other man . 〈◊〉 for ●●●ke of light , discerne him he ne can . 〈◊〉 it not haue . for ●●●ke of ●ight , discerne him he ne can , 〈◊〉 it not haue ben your lucke , wt a spit 〈◊〉 ●●●ke of ●ight , discerne him he ne can . Might it not haue ben your lucke , wt a spit to 〈◊〉 D. Rat. 〈…〉 ¶ I thinke I am litle better , my scalpe is clouen ●aue about , I know non such , vnles they long to haue their braines knockt out ▪ be so good sir , as talke with dame Chat ; And know what she intended : I aske no more ▪ what she intended : I aske no more but that . ●o , And byd you seeke your remedy , and so to wype your nose . ● doctor vpon you here complained That you & your maides shuld him much misorder . And o●h shuld him much misorder . And taketh many an oth , that no word he fained , Laying to your ▪ him wretch , And euil mought be thee for it , our Lord I besēch . I will swere on al 〈◊〉 swere on al the bookes that opens and shuttes He fai●eth this tale out of his owne guttes fai●eth al the bookes that opens and shuttes 〈◊〉 faineth this tale out of his owne guttes , For this like● the other end of the towne , Where ye were liker to ca●ch such a blow , then any where els ca●ch end of the towne , Where ye were like● to catch such a blow , then any where els , as farre ●hen Where ye were like● to ca●ch such a blow , then any where els , as farre as I know . 〈◊〉 Be like then master Doctor , you stripe there ▪ so mad , that where I was bet , I wod not ? Wil ye beleue this queane , before she hath 〈◊〉 this queane , before she hath tryd it ? It is not the first dede she hath done and afterward 〈◊〉at What ma● , will you say I broke your head ? ma● ¶ 〈◊〉 at man , will you say I broke your head ? 〈◊〉 How canst thou proue the contrary ? 〈◊〉 ¶ Nay how prouest thou that I did the deade ▪ ▪ ¶ Nay how prouest thou that I did the 〈◊〉 . 〈…〉 This profe I trow may serue , though I no word spoke. Showing his broken head . On●ly my head is broken , her tong can not lye , Onely vpon a bare nay she saith it was not I . ●●ke ruste , and al my Capo●s pennes , For if I take not better heede , a knaue wold haue my Ba●l● Baily . Chat▪ Chat. ●ull●i●e theefe , That came like a false Fore , my pullaine to kil and mischeefe . ▪ ¶ But knowest thou not his name ? cra●ty ¶ I know it but what than . It was that crafty cullyon Hodge my gammer gurtons man . te●ch I shall teach him a lesson , for filc●●ng hens or cocks filc●●ng I shall te●ch him a lesson , for filching hens or cocks . ¶ I maru●ile master bayly maru●ile lesson , for filc●●ng hens or cocks . ¶ I marvaile master bayly , so bleared be your eyes . ●o lyes : When she hath playd this pranke , to excuse al this geare , She layeth the fault h●●e ¶ I wold my head were half so hole , I wold seeke no redresse , ●ylde ¶ God dylde you master mine . ha●● ¶ Thou hast a knaue wt in thy house , hodge , a seruant 〈◊〉 house , hodge , a seruant of thine . They tel me that busy knaue , is such a filching one , That . knaue , is such a filching one , That Hen , 〈◊〉 goose or capon , thy neighbour can haue 〈◊〉 knaue , is such a filching one , That Hen . Pig, goose or capon , thy neighbour can haue go● ¶ By god 〈◊〉 ●uch ameued , to beare any such reporte 〈◊〉 ¶ By go● cham ●uch ameued , to beare any such reporte ●uch ¶ By go● 〈◊〉 much ameued , to beare any such reporte : Hodge wo●●●ch to beare any such reporte : Hodge was not wont ich trow , to haue him in that sort . theenisher ¶ A theeuisher knaue is not on liue , more filching nor ha●e nor more false Many a truer man then he , haue hanged vp by the halfe . And thou his dame ha●e ¶ What haue I stolne frō the or thine : thou ilfauored h● ¶ Alas sir , heel be here anon , ha be handled to ●ad . ●ad sir , heel be here anon , h● be handled to bad . Ch●l Chil shew you his face , ich warrant the , lo ●he Thy neighbours hens yu takest , and playes the two legged fore Their chikens & their cap●ns cap●ns the two legged fore Their chikens & their capans to , & now and then their Cocks . ●hats Wart not yu take within this houre , in dame chats hens nest ? ●ote ¶ Thou or the deuil in thy cote , sweare this I dare be bold . ●w●●re Sweare me no swearing quean , the deuill h● 〈◊〉 h● ●w●●re me no swearing quean , the deuill he 〈◊〉 the sorow , Al is not worth a gua● , 〈◊〉 ●w●●re me no swearing quean , the deuill h● geue the sorow , Al is not worth a gua● , thou gua● deuill h● 〈◊〉 the sorow , Al is not worth a gnat , thou canst sweare till to morow , Where th● chad my hands loose callet chould haue crust the . wei●ht Thou shittē knaue I trow yu knowest ye ful weight of my fist I am fowly deceiued , onles thy d●ore I am fowly deceiued , onles thy head & my doore bar kyste 〈◊〉 Hold thy chat whore yu criest so loude , can no man els be hard 〈◊〉 ¶ Well knaue , & I had the alone , I wold ●●rely rap the costard . ●●rely ¶ Well knaue , & I had the alone , I 〈◊〉 surely rap the costard . th● knaue , & I had the alone , I 〈◊〉 ●●rely rap the costard . Chat▪ Chat. euer● ¶ Yea master Bayly , blest be euery good token . pil● What you foule beast , does think tis either pild or bald . Nay ich thanke god : chil not sp●nd thanke god : chil not for al that thou maist spend That chad one scab on my narse , as brode ba●e clockes or smolders , I know the blowes he bare away , either wt head or shoulders , Camest ●owes Haue I thy good old filth , or any such old sowes ? I am as true , I wold thou knew , as skin withal● ¶ Why , what cā ye charge hir withal? to say so , ye do not well . al●nes ¶ Thy nedle old witch , how so ? it were almes thy scul to knock So didst thou say , the h●●g be very loth That chuld here tel he shuld hang , on thy false faith and tro●h . tro●h tel he shuld h●●g , on thy false faith and troth . ●●arse ¶ Your talke is such , I can scarse learn● who shuld be most in f●ult learn● ¶ Your talke is such , I can ●●arse learne who shuld be most in f●ult f●ult I can ●●arse learn● who shuld be most in fault Y●t Yet shal ye ●●nd no other wight , saue ●●e , ●●nd ¶ Yet shal ye find no other wight , saue ●●e , by bred & salt ●●e ¶ Yet shal ye ●●nd no other wight , saue she , by bred & salt ▪ ¶ Kepe ye content a while , se that your songes ye holde , Me thinkes ▪ shuld remembre , this is no place to scolde , How knowest thou gāmer gurton , dame Chat 〈◊〉 thou gāmer gurton , dame Chat thy nedle hade go●●ip sweare on a booke : What time this drunken gossip , my faire ●●ng neele vp tooke Diccon ( ●●ng What time this drunken go●●ip , my faire long neele vp tooke Diccon ( master ) the Bedlam b●st him , I durst auenture wel the price of my best cap , That when the end is knowen , all ▪ besides , she stole your Cocke that tyde ? finger●●nde● not this geare ( hearst thou ) out of my fingers ende But he that hard it told me , who thou me●y ¶ No mery sir that chil not , I●●o ¶ Will I? no sir will I not . si● ¶ Will I●●o sir will I not . ●●i●er ¶ Soft master by the way , Ye know she could do li●le li●le ●●i●er by the way , Ye know she could do litle , and she c●ld not say nay . c●ld way , Ye know she could do li●le , and she cold not say nay . b●t ¶ Yea but he that made one lie about your Cock stealing lo●●e gaue me like a frende , warning against my loss , Els had my hens be stolne , eche one , chauns●d and in he came indeede , But as the matter chaunsed , with greater hast then speede , This truth bores Betweene you and Hodge . I beare away the boxes , Did not diccō apoynt the place , wher ned●e heard him sweare yt you had gotten , hir nedle that was gone , And this to try he furder lo●h And this to try he furder said , he was ful loth how be it He was content with small adoe ▪ to mel In setting at one such as were out . minding to make al wel . ●coure ¶ Was not wel blest gāmer , to scape the scoure ▪ & chad ben there Thē chad ben drest be ▪ not wel blest gāmer , to scape the ●coure , & chad ben there Thē chad ben drest be ga●●ar drest be like , as ill by the masse , as gaffar vicar . 〈◊〉 , I wold the knaue had bē starke blind , if hodg had not his share . ●oul● not had the better wit , chad bene made a coult . ▪ by cockes bones Seest not thy handiwarke ? sir Rat can ye forbeare him ? tw● thou not made a lie or two , to set these two by the eares ? ▪ ¶ What if I haue ? fiue hundred such haue I seene within these la●●● shift no better , ye losel , lyther , and lasye , I will go neare for this , to make ye tr●e intreat He has almost vndone vs al , that is as true as steele ▪ And yet for al this great a ▪ vndone vs al , that is as tr●e as steele : And yet for al this great a do'cham neuer ▪ thing to that diccon , wish least or most ? lickdis● ¶ Thou lier lickdish , didst not say the neele wold be gitten s●itten by the same token , you where that time be beshitten ? For feare of Hobgobling , you wot wel ● forgeue Since Diccon hath confession made , & is so cleane shreue , If ye to me conscent ▪ al here on agree . Go euen to master Bayly , let it be so for mee , ▪ say on your mind , I know ye are my frend : cu●sse First for master Doctor , vpon paine of his curse , Where he wil pay for al ▪ thou neuer draw ▪ paine of his cu●sse , Where he wil pay for al , thou neuer draw thy pur●●e . And when ye pur●●e Where he wil pay for al ▪ thou neuer draw thy purse . And when ye meete at one pot , he shall . wil pay for al ▪ thou neuer draw thy pur●●e , And when ye meete at one pot , he shall ch●t him the cup , but it be full . To good wife chat thou shalt be sworne , euen on the same ●he shalt be sworne , euen on the same wyse If she refuse thy money once , neuer to offer it ne●le sworne shalt thou bee To helpe hir to hir nedle againe if it do lie in thee And likewise me● Gogs hart thou false villaine dost thou bite me? ma●t ¶ Gods mait Gammer gurton . ● Chaue haue it by the masse Gammer ●ound ¶ Cha found ●our neele Gammer , here in my hand be it ●our ¶ Cha ●ound your neele Gammer , here in my hand be it . Ho●ge Hodge swee●e ¶ Nay sweete Hodge say truth , and do not me begile . na● when I speake so faire : wilt stil say me nay : ●ight ¶ Go neare the light gammer this wel in faith good lucke : Chwas Go●●py ¶ By my troth Gossyp gurton , I am euen as glad As though I mine 〈◊〉 it so come forth , Reioyce so much at it , as three nedles be worth . ● ¶ Gramercy Diccon twenty times , o how glad cham , If that chould do so much ▪ am content if the rest thinke as I thinke ! Mas●er Rat it shalbe best for you if we Mas●er content if the rest thinke as I thinke ▪ Master Rat it shalbe best for you if we so doo dr●●se we so doo , Then shall you warme you and dresse your self too . plaudyti● Gammer Gurtons nedle sake , let vs haue a plaudytie .