A iuniper lecture With the description of all sorts of women, good, and bad: from the modest to the maddest, from the most civil, to the scold rampant, their praise and dispraise compendiously related. Also the authors advice how to tame a shrew, or vexe her. Taylor, John, 1580-1653. This text is an enriched version of the TCP digital transcription A13461 of text S111401 in the English Short Title Catalog (STC 23766). Textual changes and metadata enrichments aim at making the text more computationally tractable, easier to read, and suitable for network-based collaborative curation by amateur and professional end users from many walks of life. The text has been tokenized and linguistically annotated with MorphAdorner. The annotation includes standard spellings that support the display of a text in a standardized format that preserves archaic forms ('loveth', 'seekest'). Textual changes aim at restoring the text the author or stationer meant to publish. This text has not been fully proofread Approx. 120 KB of XML-encoded text transcribed from 119 1-bit group-IV TIFF page images. EarlyPrint Project Evanston,IL, Notre Dame, IN, St. Louis, MO 2018 A13461 STC 23766 ESTC S111401 99846756 99846756 11744 2240906474

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Early English books online. (EEBO-TCP ; phase 1, no. A13461) Transcribed from: (Early English Books Online ; image set 11744) Images scanned from microfilm: (Early English books, 1475-1640 ; 1036:15) A iuniper lecture With the description of all sorts of women, good, and bad: from the modest to the maddest, from the most civil, to the scold rampant, their praise and dispraise compendiously related. Also the authors advice how to tame a shrew, or vexe her. Taylor, John, 1580-1653. This text is an enriched version of the TCP digital transcription A13461 of text S111401 in the English Short Title Catalog (STC 23766). Textual changes and metadata enrichments aim at making the text more computationally tractable, easier to read, and suitable for network-based collaborative curation by amateur and professional end users from many walks of life. The text has been tokenized and linguistically annotated with MorphAdorner. The annotation includes standard spellings that support the display of a text in a standardized format that preserves archaic forms ('loveth', 'seekest'). Textual changes aim at restoring the text the author or stationer meant to publish. This text has not been fully proofread [20], 167, 188-236 p., plate Printed by I[ohn] O[kes] for William Ley, and are to be sold at his shop in the Pauls Churchyard, neare Pauls Chaine, London : 1639. By John Taylor. The edition statement on the title page follows "compendiously related". Printer's name from STC. Reproduction of the original in the Henry E. Huntington Library and Art Gallery. eng Husband and wife -- Early works to 1800. eebo A iuniper lecture. With the description of all sorts of women, good, and bad: from the modest to the maddest, from the most civil, to the scold rampan Taylor, John, 1639 238 23140 32 0 0 0 0 0 13.83 C The rate of 13.83 defects per 10,000 words puts this text in the C category of texts with between 10 and 35 defects per 10,000 words. 2005-07 Assigned for keying and markup 2006-01 Keyed and coded from ProQuest page images 2007-01 Sampled and proofread 2007-01 Text and markup reviewed and edited 2007-02 Batch review (QC) and XML conversion

A IVNIPER LECTVRE .

A Iuniper Lecture .

With the description of all sorts of 〈◊〉 , good , and bad .

From the modest to the maddest , from the most Civil , to the scold Rampant , ●heir praise and dispraise compendiously related .

The second 〈…〉 , with many 〈…〉

Als● 〈…〉 advi●● 〈…〉

〈◊〉 Printed 〈…〉 , and are to be sold at his shop in Pauls Churchyard , 〈…〉

To as many as can Read , ( though but reasonably ) it makes no great matter whether they understand , or no.

HEre 's a strange Lecture toward , ( my towardly , or untowardly Reader ) for here shall be found many things worthy your observation . I know you have heard of a Curtaine Lecture before now : and shall very shortly heare of a Crab-tree Lecture also : But for a Juniper Lecture ( although the phrase or stile be ancient , yet the matter is new : ) And because it doth take , & is liked so well , I have inlarged it in many places , with many new Lectures to it : But why is it called a Juniper Lecture ? Marry for sundry small reasons ; why a Lecture , partly in Verse , indeed for no reason at all .

But as the gagling tongue of a scold leapes and skippes ( like a Squirrell from one twigge or branch to another , observing neither Method or Measure ) so doth this various discourse and description of the good & bad qualities of women , skip from the vicious to the vertuous , & back againe from the best to the worst . It is said that Iuniper being on fire is the most lasting wood in the World , and that if the fire of it be rak'd up in the Embers , or Ashes , it will not be extinguished in a yeare or more , which may bee alluded to some revengeful women , who being once offended , the fire of their malice will hardly be quenched in their Ashes , or Graves . Juniper is hot and drye in the third Degree , ( as Galen saith ) and the tongue of a scold is altogether combustible : It is full of prickles , so are a curst womans words very piercing to the eares , and sharpe to the heart . Juniper hath also some qualities and vertues of good women , for as it may be used , it is a Counter-poison against any one that is envenomed ; so a vertuous woman is the honor & preservation of her husbands person and estate : the Berries & Gumme is likewise good against gripings and gnawings in the stomacke ; so is a good wife a comfortable helpe to a mans aking heart : It hath a good savour , and so hath the good name of a worthy woman , the Gumme of it is called Lachryma , or Teares , and for Teares , women ( for the most part ) have them at command ; but the best is , they are like April showres , wet and dry in a moment . But as every woman is not a patient Grissel , so she is a rare Wonder amongst women , that neither hath the skil , or the desire to scold . Vale.

To the Reader . I Sing the praise and dispraise of that Sex That gives men cause of comfort , or to vex : His joy or care , his blessing or his curse . His weale , his woe , his Saint , or Divell , or worse . You vertuous worthy women ( few that be ) I know you 'le be so good to pardon me ; And yet what pardon need I crave of them , Whom I will not offend , nor yet condemne . If women that are bad I doe offend , It is the cause why these my lines are pend . And if they be not angry , I dare say , That all my labour 's lost , and cast away . Thus ( free from feare or flattery ) on I runne , To please or displease , when my taske is done . Our Grandam Eve ( in reverence ) I omit , ( But yet she plaid the foole , for want of wit ) And her weak follies incredulity , She left unto her fraile posterity : It is the earthly portion that we have : From womb , to tombe , from cradle to the grave . A woman was sins mother , but another Most blessed woman was a Saviours mother . And therefore it may well be understood , As millions may bee bad , there 's thousands good . As some are Furies , that do men torment , So some are Fairies , that gives some content : As some are Destinies , and fatall shrowes , ( Like Clotho , Lachasis , & Atropos ) To spin and reele our lives with ●ares and moanes . And cut our threads at last with sighes and groanes Yet for our comfort there are Graces three T' affront those Fates ( faith , hope , and charity . ) As there are witches that in mischiefe swell , And Syrens , Furies , Harpies , Hagges of Hell : Yet Prudence , Temperance , Justice , Fortitude , Are vertues with such mighty force endu'd , That those that doe possesse them are so arm'd , They cannot bee by Hell , or Hell-hounds harm'd .
Margery Quiet of Tame , in Oxford-shire , to her Ingenious friend , the Author , she acknowledging him to be a well-wisher to all good women . MEn have the Art of flattery , to commend That most , whereto their vaine affections bend . Our beauties they extoll unto the skies , In prose and verse , with many thousand lyes ; With tongue and pen our prayses they repeat . How faire , how fine , how proper , and how neate : How handsome , and how bony , and how gay , How delicate and dainty every way We silly women are , with tooth and naile : Mens flattery still our weaknesse doth assaile . And wee ( alas ) beleeve them too too much , And what they say , wee strive still to be such . For cause they praise us for those things we see , Wee give our whole endeavours so to be . To paint , pounce , frounce , kemb , curle , purle , powder sleeke , And all new fashions to search out and seeke , To please our praysers : But if men could find , What 't were to praise the vertue of the mind , What honour doth belong to chastity , What merit doth pertain to modesty : If goodnesse with mens praises were but grac't , We should bee then more modest , and more chast . But thou ( the Author of this following book ) Ingenious , just , impartiall paines hast tooke : Thou dost commend the good , condemne the ill , For which all women , of all sorts shall still Remaine thy friends and foes . M.Q.
The Table . LEcture by a Mistresse to her Apprentice , as soone as she rises in the Morning , with new additions . p. 1 Lecture by a woman to her husband , that hath beene marryed three or foure yeares . p. 5 Lecture by a yong gentlewoman being a widow , to an old man , who offered to be a suitor to her , with new additions . p. 14 Lecture by an old rich widow to a young Gallant , who came a woing to her , that had little or no meanes . p. 18 Lecture by a Countrey Farmers wife , being a shrew , to her husband , for being abroad late at night , with new additions . p. 23 Lecture by a wife who was very jealous of her husband . p. 28. Lecture by a widow , which was newly marryed , to a widower , with some additions . p. 23. Lecture by an old woman , to her young husband , whom she had newly marryed . p. 3● Lecture by a proud dame , because her husband would not allow her all the new fashions that are worne . p. 37 Lecture by a mother to her daughter that was to be marryed forth-with . p. 52. Lecture a Dialogue betweene the scold rampant , & her patient Husband , with some additions , p. 71 Of a woman to her husband after a ramble , with new additions . p. 99 Of a loving wife to her husband , to perswade him from drinking , and ill company , with new additions . p. 105 Dialogue betweene three Gossips , over a cup of Sacke , tutering one another how to domineere over their Husbands . p. 157 Lastly , the Authors advise how to tame a shrew , with new additions . p. 170
A Iuniper Lecture .
1. A Lecture of a Mistresse to her Apprentise somthing early in the Morning , and thus she begins as soone as she awaked .

HEy ho , what the Sunne so high already , and not the Boy up , nor the Shop open ? Arise you Rogue , you sleepy rogue ; can you sleepe so soundly , for all the Sunne shines in your face ? Arise , or else I will so belabour your lazie side , that I will make your eares ring Noone : you will bee calling for your Break-fast assoone as you are up ; I l'e warrant your stomacke is up already , but I will keepe you short you idle Rascal , I will make you leape at a crust , so I will ; you learne of your Master to lye a bed ; the Proverb is true , Trim tram , like Master , like man : But I 'le take another course with you , I will make you be glad to eate any thing ; you are a dainty Rogue , you scorne this thing , and that thing , you were not so well fed when you were in the Countrey ; then a little Barley-bread , and Oaten-Cakes would serve your fine chops with a murrin : Now , since you came to London , you are growne so dainty , it passes : I am sure wee had not so much money with you , that you neede take so much upon you , to scorne the worst meate that comes in my house ; nothing but Plum-pudding will please your fine chops , but yfaith I will bring you a hole lower , or else I will make you kisse Bridewell , and there you shall serve out your time : Out you stomackefull Rogue , nay , for all your pouting and lowring , I will make you know what it is to bee an Apprentise , I will hereafter make you earne your Breakefast before you eate it ; Run away if you will , and complaine to whom you please , I wil answer them , for I will never keepe such an idle lazie Rogue under my roofe : Therefore amend your manners , and follow your businesse , if you meane ever to have a quiet houre in my service ; and I will make you learne to say , if I say the Crow is white , you shall say so too ; whether it be right , or wrong , you must say as I say , and then all shall be well : Never was poore woman troubled with a man and a maide as I am ; a couple of lazie Varlets . Nay Huzy , I come to you now in the Kitchin , I thinke you agree together to breake my heart , but I will breake your heads first : All my worke is done by the halfes , even from your Master to the poorest servant I keepe in my house , but I will not talke any longer , for my words are not regarded : I will talke lesse , and doe more , I will now put on blows , and give you somthing , but it shall not be any money : I will bee reveng'd on some of you , though I cannot bee of your Master , and I will make you all know me to be your Mistresse , and will beare sway without controule . Nay , Huzzy , grumble and mumble as long as you will , I care not ; what is it you say , tell me , or else I 'le make your bones rattle in your skinne : Talke to mee ? talke to your companions at the Bake-house . I give you warning now to look to your businesse by faire meanes , for if you doe not , you shall doe it by foule .

The Servants Speech to themselves . We are poore servants , the Lord God doth know , We have a good Master , but our Mistris is a shrow .
2. A Lecture of a Wife to her Husband , that hath beene married three or foure yeares .

IN troth Husband , I can hold no longer , but I must speake : I see you still follow this veine of ill Husbandry , never keepe at home : Is the House a wild-kat to you ? here I sit all the day long with the Children , sighing , and looking every minute when you will returne home : yfaith this course of life must be left ; Doe you thinke I can sell your Wares , or know the prizes of them when your Customers come ? Let them looke to your shop that will , for I will not : keepe your shop , and then it will keepe you : I say , keepe home with a wanion to you , or else let all goe at sixe and sevens . You begin the weeke wel , for this day , and no longer , so soone as you were up , and ready , then to the Ale-house to your companions , to some Game or other for your Mornings Draught of strong liquor : when I ( poore wretch ) must sit at home with a cup of small Beere of foure shillings price , and be glad of it too , or else I must drinke water : I dare say , and put a Warrant to it , that I may sit at home long enough before you will send me a cup of good drinke , which you guzle downe , making your selves beasts , and not men ; for a man , if he had or bore any love to his Wife at all , which hath brought him so many Children , would some time remember her , and say , carry this home to my Wife , and remember me to her : but your children and I must bee content with any thing : I would I were dead , that you might have another wife , and then you should see it , shee would not bee made such a foole as I am by you ; I am sure I take no pleasure at all like my other Neighbours Wives , for they can goe abroad with their Husbands every day , but I , ( poore I ) once in a yeare , and glad of it then too . I would I had beene made a man , for Women are nothing but your Drudges and your Slaves , to make you cleane , and to wash and starch your cloaths : when you goe whither you please , and take no care at all for any thing . A womans worke is never at an end , and never done , but like a wheele , still turning round , and hath no end . I am forced as soone as I rise in the Morning , to make a fire , sweepe the house , and get the childrens and your servants Breakfast ; no sooner that done , and they out of the way , thinke upon Dinner ; then no sooner Dinner eaten , then I must make all the dishes cleane againe , and sweepe the House : Then because I would be thought a good Huswife , I sit me downe to spin , then thinke upon your Supper , and study what will please your dainty chops , and make it ready against you come home , when you are halfe fox't ; then the children must be straight way thought upon , or else there 's nothing but crying and brawling , which makes my braines ake agen . Then all being satisfied , put the children to sleepe , then to bed my selfe ; and thus a womans worke is never done .

The Husbands answer .

I doe verily thinke , when you are a bed , you doe wish that worke were never done .

These Lines were presented to a young and rich Widdow , by an ancient Gentleman , hoping to obtaine her love . Eye-dazling beauties best accomplishment , Whose forme al frames of nature doth out-strip , For Nature 's strucke into astonishment , In viewing her o're-beautied workmanship : Her haire like to a curled Golden flame , Dishevel'd , spreading o're her comely shoulders ; Her Brow Loves bed , her Eyes the Graces claime : Her Lipps Loves Altars , charming the beholders , Upon which Altars Cupid made his heart A easelesse never ceasing sacrifice , And vow'd from them he never would depart , Untill shee grant no more to tyrannize . To gaine her Love , tenne thousand lovers sweares To offer Hecatombes of sighes and teares .

And to this purpose hee enlarges himselfe , thinking to gaine her love and favour : After shee had read them , she charmes him for his insolency in this manner .

3. Her Answer both in Prose and Verse to the old man that gave her the verses .

AGed man , with what face dare you aske a young Gentlewoman the question ? me thinkes you are burdened with such yeares , that you should now be past dreaming on a Wife : Old age to match with Youth ? 't is monstrous ; fie , fie , 't is Lust in doating age : what makes within your thoughts such wanton fire ? you are void ▪ of all good action , but in your owne opinion : Goe home , go home and rest your aged head : doe you thinke that I can give consent , where I doubt so much before hand ? or doe you suppose that I wil wedde a Statue , or lye in a Bed of Snow ? or play with old Antiquity ? When I should take my rest , then you will be a coughing and spitting , groaning and sighing , able to turne a young womans stomack from lying with you . Doe you thinke that I shall love a man that shall lye calving a bed , and have his breakfast brought to him , to cherish his appetite to performe his office and due ? No , I will have a Husband that shall be alwayes provided like a Souldier , never not with standing , but in a Centinell posture , with his Match lighted , and cocked bolt upright , and ready to doe execution : not like a Dormouse , alwayes sleeping ; or like a Droane in the Hyve , live idlely : but I will have a man active and nimble , and lively like the Spring , that can come off and on bravely , without the word of command , and not be forced by Art to doe that which Nature hath taught him ; like a Beare pulled to the stake by the Ring in his Nose , whether hee will or no : Goe to your Orizons , and tel your Beads , when I have a minde to wed old age , I wil send for you : a Candle is more fitting for you than a Wife , and a Faggot with a Chafing-dish of coales , than a young bed-fellow . Goe thinke on your place of Buriall , and set your minde on other things , than on yong women ; I will bee no old mans Darling . Thus she sent him away , and gave him this Coppy of Verses , and bid him read , and peruse them well .

Like cheerefull May , and frozen January , A faire young Maidan aged man did marry : And though shee was his wife , and lay together , Yet he had very little to doe with her . At boord and bed he lov'd her in such sort , As his good will could reach to , although short Of what he would doe , and in loving parling He calls her Duck & deare , sweet heart , and Darling . On her his lands and state he doth conferre , Thinks all he hath too small to pleasure her : And shee unkindly , with a kind of loathing , Esteemes all as too little , or worth nothing .
4. Another Lecture of an old rich widdow to a young Gallant , who came a wooing to her , that had little or no meanes .

BAse fellow , that dares bee so bold to aske a Gentlewoman to thy bed ; I scorne thee ; I like my selfe the worse that thou shouldst hope the gaining of my affection : darest thou aspire to such a height , to thinke that I would wedde so poore a Groome as thee , who weares all his wealth on his backe : I scorne my Chamber-maide should honour thee so much : you may prevaile , I make no doubt , in the Kitchin , for I thinke by thy thinne cheekes thou wantst a meales meate : sure thou art some Cubberd-wooer , and so farewell ; but when I want a Groome , I shall remember your name in my Catalogue , and if my Letter or word may serve you in any stead , I may perchance spare so much time as the running of an Houre-glasse for your better Preferment . I doe marvaile who durst be so bold as once mention me in that way in your company , or who incouraged you to be so impudent , to make such a salley on such a rich widow as my selfe : if it were any neighbour I knew , hee should not hereafter set a foote within my doores ; or if it were any of my houshold , they should not lodge within my roofe , but instantly would I thrust them out of my service , and send them to looke new Mistresses . I wish you forbeare , and let me have your absence : you have your answer , bee gone .

An advice for some . A Widow that is rich , and wondrous old , Wooe her , and stew her tender in her gold : If she be cold , a yong mans flame will toast her , Or else his fire of youth will rotten roast her : But let him day and night himselfe apply To please her still , and shee 'le the sooner dye .
On a womans tongue . THings that be bitter , bitterer than gall . Physitians say are alwayes physicall : Then womens tongues , if into powder beaten , And in a Potion or a Pill be eaten , Nothing more bitter is , I therefore muse , That womens tongues in Physicke they neare use : There s many men who live unquiet lives , Would spare that bitter member of their wives . Then prove them Doctor , use them in a pill , Things oft help sick men , that doth sound men kil .
5. A Lecture of a Countrey Farmers wife , being a shrew to her husband , for being late abroad at night : and thus she begins .

WHat , good man Clowne , doe you thinke to make me still your drudge to sit up late , and rise thus early every day , to worke like a horse , and you to ride a hunting , gentleman-like , every morning , and none but I left at home to look after your horses in the stable , your kine in the field , your swine in the yard , your poultry about the house , your cramming of your Capons , your brewing and your baking : you a Husband ? you a Coxecombe ; a meere Lubby , a Moone-Calfe , one that hath more haire than wit : I am sure you were never brought up to take your pleasure in this manner , I know that : you were brought up at the plough and the Cart , and to cry Hy , Gee , Ho: out you browne bread crust , you know not how to use a woman as you ought ; you know better how to Cart a woman , than to Court a woman : Goe to , thou thou art an Asse , I am ashamed of thee when wee are abroad together in any company ; how thou standst a tip-toe to drinke to a Gentlewoman , with your hat in your hand , and makes such a scraping legge , that the print of thy Hob-nailes is in the Boord where thou stoodst , as if a horse had beene beating his hoofes , the scratches are so plainly seene : I never saw one more resemble a fellow they call the Lord of Portsmouth , that hath a party coloured Coat , than thou ; if any one did see you but stand together , they would take you for brothers , you are so alike : thy gray eyes shew that thouart a greedy gut ; Francis is your name , doe you remember how you fild your Guts so full of Furmatry that day you were marryed that you were ready to bust again , and how the company were glad to cut the poynts of your britches , and to bathe your belly against the fire with Capous grease , or else you had burst in sunder ; and now you are mocked ever since with the name ver since with the name of Francis Fil-gut Furmitry . Sure I was betwatled when thou camst a woing to me , that I should love thee , for I see since that thou hadst no humanity or breeding in thee , but downe right , as plaine as Dunstable High way ; for all thy Discourse , I still remember , was nothing but of thy Teame of Horse , and thy Hogges , Calves , Geese , and other poultry ware ; and in the conclusion , said , you were glad of the fine season of the year : Oh it was brave weather for your Fathers Lambes : neither canst thou reade one letter in any booke : thy Horses are better Schollers than thou art , for they understand G and O : Goe , thou art a blockhead , a Dunce , a Dullard , and canst understand nothing : I will make you hereafter learne to reade in your Horne-booke , so I will : I was told since I was marryed that when you were a little one , that your Mother sung Loubby to you , and ever since you have beene an untoward Vrchin . Out you Slabber Choppes , goe trudge with thy fellow Hob , and drive the Cart ; Thou art a course Clown , a meere Coridon , thou art not able at any time to say boo to a Goose , unlesse it be to a bowle of pottage that holds a Gallon ; and a Barly bagge pudding of a yard long , and some Bull Beefe , there I confesse thou wilt , and canst shew thy selfe a man : thou art good at nothing else , unlesse to play before the Beares with a Taber and Pipe : I see that Egge and bird thou wilt never be the better , but still lye roving up and downe from Ale-house to Ale-house , and then to come home at this time of night , and so late as it is , which thou mightst bee ashamed of : I doe marvaile how you found out the way , for you are not able to stand , nor looke up with your eyes , nor yet speake a ready word for lisping and clipping the Kings English : I see your horse had more wit than you , you may thanke him , or else you had never found the way home ; hee can tell when he has enough , but you , you drunken sot , you pisse-pot , know not when you have sufficient ; thus to come home reeling & staggering , it is a shame for you , it were a good deede to shut you out of doores all night , and make you coole your Heeles , now your brains are so hot : out you Dosser head , shallow-braind companion : In the morning then you cannot rise , then your head akes , and are sicke , and are untoward to doe , or goe about any thing ; then you promise never to drinke so much againe : Then you say , Wife give mee a little Whay to coole my stomacke , of else intreat mee to make you a posset ; but yfaith you shal lie long enough before I will pitty you , or before you have have thing from mee : I would that the next time thou drinkest in this manner , and stayest out so late , that thou mighest meete Will with a Wispe , or some Fire-Drake or other , to leade thee over Bushes and Bryers , Ditches and Watry places , that you may bee so hampered by such furies , that yon may hereafter take warning for beeing from home so late .

6. A Lecture of a Wife which was very jealous of her Husband : and thus shee goes forwards . Husband .

GOod morrow wife , how doe you this morning ?

Wife .

As many evill morrowes mayest thou have , as I have words to speake , or teares to vent : I have heard of your joviall meetings with your Queanes and Sluts abroad : what doe you thinke to cast me off , or else to kill my heart by this your lascivious doings ? is this your madding month ? I thought you had not beene so loosely given , was this the reason that you did forsake my bed , to breath your self for your whoors abroad ? I thought it had beene your modesty and your remperance when you told mee you would lye alone because of the hot weather , and by reason of the Dogge dayes I but let me tel you , though there be Dogge dayes , yet there are no dogs nights : You shall lie no more alone I will warrant you , no , I will be no such foole , I will be no more deluded by your faire tongue and smiling lookes : I doe marvaile what occasion I have given you , or what madnesse it is that moves you thus to wrong your marriage bed . When I was first wedded to you , you know what vowes you made to love none but me : did not I forsake many a good match only for thy sake , when all my friends and kindred were utterly against it , and doe you thus requite mee , to make me a looke out now in my old age , and when gravitie appeares on your cheekes ? you should rather give good example and instructions to your houshold-servants , to live honestly and well , but you are quite contrarie from any good rule : thus by your lewd course and company you are made a laughing-stocke to your Neighbours , and I poor woman to be pointed at as I goe along the streete , for bearing it so patiently : if I had given you any cause thus to slight me , you might have had a just plea ; but I was ever willing to obey you in all your demands : I little feared this when I was first married , but now I find it too true in an unconstant husband , but I will not endure it any longer ; You shall not stirre a foot out of doores , but I will bee at your heeles , and I will so watch you , that you shall have little joy in any womans company but your wifes . Therefore have a care now I have given you warning ; looke to it I bid you .

7. A Lecture of a Widdow which was newly marryed to a Widdower , and thus it followes . Wife .

WHat , doe you meane to take me downe in my wedding shooes ? No sir , you are deceived : I had a Husband that loved mee before I knew you sirrah , and gave mee better content when I was first marryed , than you can : I come farre short of what I did expect from you , but I will never beleeve a man by his lookes for your sake , you white-liver'd slave : I had a man before , but now I have a foole : You shall finde that I will not endure it at your hands , you shall not think to breake my heart , as you did your other wives , no sirrah , I 'le warrant you , I will cheere uh my heart , and spit in my hand , and take better hold . Though you have got all my estate into your hands by your faire words , yet you are deceived ; I have a bagge in store that you shall never know of , nor bee a penny the better for it , no nor any of yours neither , for using me in this manner : my estate hath made you a man ; before you had my estate , which my deare loving husband left mee , you were a begger , and not worth a groate before you met with me , but I will give them no thankes which made the motion to mee , the next time I meete them : I 'le warrant you I will not be mealy-mouth'd , you shall know that I am a woman , and was maintained like a woman , before I knew such a poore conditioned fellow as thou art : Your betters sirrah , shall know how you have used mee , where I will relate it to your disgrace . I le warrant you , I will not bee fedde with a bit and a knocke , as they feede Dogges and Apes in the parishgarden , no marry will I not , I will have better dyet and better apparrell too if it bee above ground : for I brought you good meanes , and meanes I will bee allowed . Little doe you wastfull fellow know , how my deare husband did save it together , and went many a steppe for to get it , with the sweate of his browes : Ah poore husband hee is dead and gone , I shall never forget his kindnesse to mee : hee was the best conditioned man to mee that lived : hee was so kinde and loving , that he never came home empty handed to mee , but stil brought me home one knick knacke or other : oh he was the sweetest husband that ever lay by a woman : for if ever hee had an occasion to breake winde backwards when he was a bed , hee would lift up the cloaths , and let it out so sweetly , so sweetly ; and thou , thou carest not who heares the report , nor is any whit ashamed of it , thou art a very sloven , and a nasty beast to him , and art not worthy to carry guts to a Beare ; but I must bee content , it was my lot : yet I have some body wil take my part , know it ; nay , for all your knitting your browes , and threatning of me , I will not suffer it any longer at your hands , I have put up too much already : tread upon a poore silly worme , and it will turne againe ; I will haunt your ghost , & make your companions , which give you this ill counsell , weary of your company , and the Taverne too hot to hold you : what is spent there , is not thought much on ; but every penny , every halfe penny that you spend upon me , comes from you like so many droppes of blood : but I will have money some way or other , I wil have it by hook or by crooke , or else you or I will travaile as far as the King hath any land .

8. A Lecture betweene a jealous old woman , and her young husband , and thus she begins .

I , I , follow these lewd courses still , and see what will come on 't : Alas , alas , yongster , I can see and perceive day at a little hole , as well as another can , and as farre into , a Mill-stone as another woman whatsoever I take notice , to my hearts griefe , how every day more and more you slight me : you regard not my company , neither at home nor abroad , neither at bed nor boord : you are ashamed forsooth , that I ( because I am somewhat old and ancient ) should walke along with you in the streetes , but I 'le warrant you , if any of your old acquaintance , those young gill-flurts , who tricke up themselves like a Bartholmew-faire Babie , or any other light Gossips intreate your company , oh the requst is no sooner made , but it is granted ; on goes your Cloake , and out of Doores you goe with speede , with any of these ; I have marked it , with what willingnesse you have gone , as if you went to receive a thousand pound : But if I speake to you , nay desire you , and wooe you , as 't were for my life , to walke with mee into the Towne to visit my kindred or acquaintance , or but into the fields or Sub-urbes to bee merrie , and recreate my selfe , O what businesse is pretended , what excuses are framed , what Letters wee have to write , what men wee have appointed to meete about earnest occasions , just at that very time : Or if I doe chance to get you once in the minde to walke with mee , then presently you beginne , who would bee troubled with such a Wife that can goe no faster , nor keepe companie with the rest : then you say you cannot be merrie because you have such a clog at your Heeles , and what should you doe with these women in our company ? you cannot bee so jocund as you should : And when you doe goe abroad with me , doe not I perceive how you march before after foure Mile an houre ? If I can limpe after you , or be within your sight , well and good ; if not , I may lose my selfe , for any care that you take : and why 's all this sir , ( thinke you ) but because I poore old wretch should not be taken notice of for your Wife : and cannot I observe what noddes and winkes you use to other women in the Streetes , as who should say , take warning , the old woman 's behinde , therefore passe by , and take no acquaintance ; but I tell thee , sirrah boy , that when I was yong , as now I am old , I would not have given my head for the washing , with never a wench you keepe company with : for I was brought up well , and did keepe good company , and was as much made of by young men , as you can doe possible for your heart : I have observed it from time to time , that when wee are in company to make merrie , not a smile nor a cheerefull looke shall wee get from you , no , you are then in your melancholy dumpes , behaving your selfe rather like an Hermite in his Cell , or a Monke in a Cloister , than a merrie man at the Taverne or Ale-house : And thus in my company you will sit as if Butter would not melt in your mouth , but I would have you know that I can heare what a merrie companion you are in my absence : Oh then , especially if such a one , or such a handsome woman be in your companie , you will sing , dance , tell merrie Tales , kisse , dallie , complement , drink healthes to this Mistris Fart , and this Mistris Fiddle , if the time and place be suteable . Well , well , I le say no more for shame , and yfaith , yfaith , He turne away that fine Mistris Minks your maid , for something that I have ta'ne notice of within these few daies : your nose bled forsooth the other day , and you must needes throw your bloody handkerchiffe to her , and shee with a wanion to you both , must hold the Bason while you wash your hands , marrie gip with a murren : But for that matter let me alone , I le remedy that , or else I le want of my will . I le keepe no such ●ine-snouted Minions as she is , I le have a homely huswifely wench , that hath more honesty than beauty , and a better heart than a face ; I le not be thus plagued long , out upon it , an old woman that hath out-lasted the Date of foure Husbands , and now come to be slighted by a Boy of foure and twenty ? Well , thy unkinde dealing with me will bee the death of me before nature hath appointed it . I tooke thee to be the staffe of my age , but I doubt shortly thou wilt prove a rotten one with the pox . You marry an old rich widow for a comfort ? well , I have done , 't is but folly to speake any more now , but I wish all old women never to marry a yong man for my sake .

9. A Lecture of a proud Dame to her husband , because hee would not allow her all the new fashions that are worne , and thus shee beginnes .

WHy you whoreson raskally fellow , didst thou marry me to disgrace me , and make mee a shame to my selfe , and all my Kin ? Oh it is accounted very poore and bace , to have a Cotten wast-coate laid with Statute-lace : no , I will have no such garment ; other mens wives forsooth of an inferiour ranke to you , can goe gallant and brave , and have money in their purses at command , and buy what fashion stuffe is in weare , and never let their husband so much as know of it , till they see it on their backes , nor once question them what it cost : I goe like a very drudge , nay , almost as bad as a dung-hill-raker : He warrant there is such a one , and such a one can change their Gownes , as often as the earth doth her Livery , that is , twice in a yeare ; Hats , Aprons , sweete-Gloves , and new-fashioned Gorgets , and Hand-cherchiefes answerable to them , nor must I have any new fashioned dressings to my head , or a Lawne Crosse-cloth , with a good lace , but with an ordinary Lace which cost not above twelve pence a yard ; when every durty draggle-taile Ioane , that came with nothing to their husbands but their cloathes on their backes , can bestow twenty or thirty shillings on a bare Lace , and they can have such things as they please , and I must not , or at the least can alter them without any contradiction , & Saturday night sets not a period to the weeke more certainly than the Shooemaker brings them new Shooes . But I poore wretch , which brought you as good a portion as any of them , must goe like Ioane Hold my staffe , with a Gowne and a Hat of the fashion which was worne in Eighty eight , and a paire of hose and shooes at Easter ; I am sure I have had none since , and now it is almost Christmas : I have never a paire of gloves worth the drawing on upon my hands ; thou never bestowest above eight pence or tenne pence at the most of a paire for mee , and not worth the throwing at a Dogge : Well , to be briefe , mark what I say to thee , I have complained so long in vaine , that I am weary of that way , but I le another way ; yfaith thou hadst beene better to have beene a little more freer of your purse , and not have pinch'd me so ; for I know what I know : well , there is enough said for this time ; goe to , I will want no apparrell , or any thing else , good man Rascall , I will not yfaith , picke English out of that if thou canst : if thou wilt not bestow a new fashioned Hat on mee , I le bestow an old fashioned Cap upon thee , in troth I will , & that quickly too , there is more , cracke me that Nut sirrah .

10. A Mothers Lecture to her daughter concerning Marriage , and thus shee beginnes .

DAughter , quoth shee , you are now of years and size sufficient for marriage , or merry-age as you may make it , if you will be rul'd , and your father and I have taken great care for the providing of a husband for you : and not to hold you long in suspence , it is young Master Oliver Little-good , the sonne of old Ralph Littlegood , the Usurer , the Mother had no sooner nam'd the party , but her daughter was ready to fall into a swowne , and after shee came to her selfe , she earnestly besought & begg'd , that of all men in the world she might not bee teoubled with that fellow , and that she had rather to bee marryed to her grave , than to be yoaked with such a brainelesse lumpe of ignorance . The old man reply'd that hee was very rich , and withall heire to a mighty estate of Lands and money , and that Matrimony is matter of money , and without money marriage is a marage , and not merrie age : The maid repli'd againe , that shee knew he was rich , and in possibility of great possessions , but ( quoth shee ) but what but said the Mother , I know what you meane by your but , you would say that for all his wealth hee is but a foole ; you have hit my meaning right said the Daughter , and I thinke there is no greater torment on the earth , than for a woman to be match'd to a foole : Nay , quoth the Mother , now I perceive you are an idle foolish baggadge , and doe not know what 's good for your selfe ; I pray thee but marke and consider , whether it bee not a great deale better to marrie with one that is a foole already , naturally made to your hands , or to bee wedded to one that hath wit , and after that to take a great deale of care and paines to make him a foole : doe but no●e the merrie lives that the wives of fooles have , for they suffer them to say and doe what they list , they make them their Masters , they weare what apparrell and what fashion they please , they eate and drinke what they have a minde to , they goe to bed and rise at their pleasure , they walke abroad , and come home againe at their will : when they are disposed , they may have Horse , Coach , Sedan , or Boare to convey them either by Land , or by Water , either to see publick showes , or to visite and bee merry with private friends : they may be liberall and bountifull of their husbands estate , money , or goods ; they may snap , snarle , and give them taunting and harsh speeches , and they may bee intreated and su'd to , to be quiet ; they may be scolding , clamorus , proud , lascivious , voluptuous , high-fed , rich clad , commanding all , not to bee commanded by any ; nay , if you have but the vertue and volubility of the tongue with the helpe of lowring , pouting , frowning , disdainefull scorning , taunting , slandering , scoffing ; or if all these faile , you may use many words to no sence or purpose in the way of defaming your husband ; and if it be his fortune to be a Cuckold , doe you cry whoore first , and taxe him with incontinency : call him Whooremaster , ( though your Conscience tell you that you lye ) ifever you did him any good deed , either by your selfe , or your friends , let him be continually cast in the teeth , and upbraided with it ; and for your last remedy , you must stampe , teare your haire , curse , ban , play the divell , and crye with counterfeiting teares , and then presently the relenting tame foole ( the Husband ) will wooe , and sue , and begge , beseech , cogge , give gifts , and make large promises , and all for a little quiet life ; for it lyes in you to vexe him to the very heart , and not to suffer him to take any rest day or night , but with the Clapper of your tongue to ring him a perpetuall peale , ( worse than sixteene funerall knelles ) you may hunt and course him from bed to bed , and from one chamber to another , and as wild Haggard Hawks are tam'd of man'd with being kept hungry , and continuall waking , so you must noise him , rowze him , torment and torture him with your tongue , that he shall have no minde either to eate or sleepe ; and though you have a private friend in a corner , yet by these harsh and discreete Documents and doings a woried or tyred husband may bee made an engine or warlike Ramme , to batter and beare downe all Bulwarks or Sconces of scandalous defamation : For take this of mee as an infallible truth , though the charge of new fashions may vexe a Husband , the cost of dyet may trouble him , to weare a Cuckooes feather may molest him , to walke or goe early or late may , disturbe him , to spend or waste his goods vainely may grieve him ; yet all these he will bee content to suffer with thankes and patience , if his Wife will bee but pleased to bee quiet with her tongue : For I tell you daughter , if you can make such use of your tongue , as the most part of wise women doe now a dayes , you may awe the good man with his goods and family like an Empresse , and if you have never so many faults , they will never be seene or thought of , if your tongue bee sharpe , quicke , nimble , and can hold out untired . For the which purpose you may whet your wits with a Cup or two extraordinary of nappy Ale , strong waters , Sacke , or some other kinde of Huffe-cap drinke , that may quicken your spirits , elevate your braine ; for I was wont to doe so often , and then I would talke to thy father beyond reason and measure and therefore it is not amisse to liquor your tongue , it will goe with the more ease , ( like a new oyl'd Jacke ) for it will runne so nimble , that you shall hardly know what it sayes , or to what end it runnes so fast . Moreover , it will bee a great poynt of policy in you , to shew your selfe very precise and religious abroad , as if you were a Saint , for by that means you may blind the world , and play the Divell at home the more securely , and then the rest of your Gossips will pitty you , and revile your husband . Indeede your tongue may ( as you may use it ) make your house your earthly Paradise , your Husbands Purgatory , and your servants Hell ; and all these severall sorts of happines are yours , if you marrie with a foole , and have the gift to use your tongue as a wise woman should doe .

Ah Daughter , didst thou know the toyle and torment that I had with thy father so long as he was a wise man , thou wouldst pitty mee ; I endured eight yeares most miserable slavery with him : my habite no other but old and unfashionable , my dyet no other than such as hee did eate of , and I bound to no bodies bed but his : but at the last it was my happe to bee at a Gossips Feast , where other good women beganne to talke of many matters , ( which concerned them not much ) for it is no right Gossipping where they flatter not one another to their faces , and back-bite their husbands and neighbours behind their backes : Amongst them was an ancient Matron , that with an eye of pittie looked on mee , saying , Mistris Smalworth , mee thinkes by your Countenance and attire , you are grieved in mind , what is the matter ? I pray you impart your cause of sorrow to mee , and I will give you such motherly Counsell , as my weake ability can afford ; what , is your husband unkinde to you ? or what other disaster is the cause of your heavinesse ?

Whereupon I ( fetching a deepe sigh ) beganne to tell her , that I had been more than seven yeares married to a wise discreet man , but all the fault hee had was to bee a good husband , and looke to every thing so narrowly , that I could not have my will in all that I desired , that I was restrained of that freedome and liberty which I had a minde to have , and debard of that predominance and command , which women are ambitious to aspire to , though they know themselves altogether unworthy , and uncapable of it ; for indeede Gossip ( quoth I ) I doe want nothing that may suffice any reasonable body ; nor doe I in word or deede offend him ; onely the maine rule and command of all I would have : for I would faine controule , and not be controuled .

With that I beganne to weepe , and the good women all pittyed my case : so that at the last the old Matron said that she was in the same predicament as I was when she was first marryed , untill at the last shee met with an ancient experienc'd creature , who gave her counsell to make her Husband a foole , if ever she hoped to live a merry life : and further , that she presently gave her the same Counsell which she offered unto mee , which I so well practised on my Husband , ( thy Father ) that with my vexatious verbosity , fluent loquacity , I brought my good man to my bow , that I could bend him which waies I listed , I hammerd him , and made him Maleable , I turnd him , wrought him , and Wire-draw'd him : and thus after I had liv'd long in a hard and miserable estate with a wise man , I , with a little good Counsell , and an apt capacity to follow it , in a yeare and a halfes space , with the ingredients , of pride , scorne , and scolding made him a foole , so that now ( in good time bee it spoken ) I thanke my Starres , there is not a Lady within the Walls of Europe lives a more pleasant life than I do . And therefore ( daughter ) I charge you on my blessing never intangle your selfe to bee marryed to a wise man ; but for your owne quiet and delight , be sure , if you can , to marry one that is a foole already ; for there are many stubborne fellowes as thy Father was , that are very hard to be made so ; and so if you embrace my counsell herein , you shall ( doubtlesse ) have greater pleasure , and live at more ease and liberty .

11. A Lecture Dialogue-wise betweene a man and his wife , which is the scold rampant : and thus they salute each other . Hus.

SWeete-heart , me thinkes I finde a great alteration in you , that you are not the woman that you have been towards me , can you shew any reason for it ?

Wife .

I pray doe not call me sweet-heart , till such time as you use me as a wife ; for I am perswaded that your lips hang in your light , that you doe hardly know me from another mans wife : but woe bee to thee for an ill-bred fellow , that ever I saw thy face , but you must bee wandring ; Change of pasture makes fat Calves , but it is certaine that change of wenches make leane knaves ; and all Cats be grey in the darke , and Joane is as good as myLady .

Hus.

I pray thee good Duck , doe not play the divell with me , for I protest this jealousie of thine is without cause , and sure some malicious tatling Gossip or other hath been prating to thee , and put these foolish lyes and toyes into thy head .

Here the Lecture beginnes .

Wife .

DVcke ? thou art a dissembling Viper to call me Ducke : Call me Whoore and Queane , as you doe at home , and give that name of Ducke to your Gilflirts , that you consume your estate on , and sent you home the other day drunke in a Porters Basket , and another time reeling up and downe the streete , and making Indentures , as if you had served seven yeares an Apprentice to a Scrivener : but such as you , that are given to be drunk and to play the whoremasters , hold an opinion , that store is no sore : but thou wicked Caitiffe , thou wilt know one day , that store of Poxe and other diseases will be sore : but I was bewitcht , I might have look'd before I had leap't : there is no Mungrill Curre will keepe a woman so unfashionable as thou dost mee , but as the Proverbe saies true , In love is no lacke , so I should not lacke what I would have , if thou didst love me . Besides , I would have thee know that I will not live by love ; doe but take example of my neighbour Master Gregory Animall how hee maintaines his wife , ( who , as the talke goes , is no better than she should be ) a suspicious loose Gossip ; and Master Innocent Gandergoose likewise is a patterne for all kind husbands to imitate ; for though his wife be a very divell to him , and a perpetuall vexation , yet ( good man ) hee takes all patiently , like a Coxecomb , swallowes all like a Gudgeon , and like a Woodcocke loves her the better . But I poore unfortunare wretch am out of sight , out of minde . What hard hap had I to be match'd to a Dogbolt , Caterpiller , Curmudgeon , that cares not for me ; but if I were wise , I would make thee drinke such as thou brewest , as the good man of such a parish , honest Mistresse Hold-up doth , shee makes her husband a very Asse , an Abram , and a Ninni-hammer ; she will raile and scold at him , that all the house shall ring againe : and though shee be counted a Whoore or a light woman , yet by making a noyse and clamour , the silly Owlyglasse ( her husdand ) doth not onely suffer himselfe to bee a Cuckold , but is contented to be a foolish Wittall , so that now hee cares not who lights his Candle at his Lanthorne . Also there 's Mistresse Minks , that 's an inch broad in the heele , a proud Trull , abhominable high in the instep , she hath the world at will : for her loving Iohn a Nods lets her say and doe what she list , she will call him all the base names that can be reckon'd , as Clown , Buboone , Nonsence , Widgeon , 〈◊〉 , Slabberchaps ; and then ( to stoppe his mouth ) he gives her any New-fangle , or fashion in the world , that his purse can reach to : But I am married to a grumbling Maultead , a Boore , a Dunghill , a Cullion , a common Towne-Bull : ( o●● upon thee Varlet ) I defie thee , I spit at thee , and I may curse the time that ever I saw thee : thou keep'st mee like a drudge , there 's not a Bawd , Quean Punke , Tib , Trash , Trull , or Trully-bub , Oyster-wife , or Kitchen-stuffe Slut , but lives a merrier life than I doe : I am scorn'd and slighted by every Durty Drabbe , I protest , rather than I will live this life with a mizerly Hoyden , I will take a Knife and drowne my selfe , or a Halter and out my throat : I would thou hadst such a wife as Mistris All-the-world , and then thou mightst make Hay with thy head , as well as with a Pitchforke : And there 's Mistris Brawler , an understanding Woman , she makes a meere Noddy of her husband , shee rules him as if he were a young Puppy : and dost thou thinke that I ( to the ill example of all women ) will bee an underling to such a Blockeheaded foole as thou art ? nay , I will make thee know that I am no Goose to be Crow-trodden by such a Buzzardly Gull as thou art : Sirrah , if you be the head I le bee the Cap : if you will bee the Cap I will bee the Button ; I will bee master and rule you , seeing you cannot rule your selfe , nor know what is fitting for a woman without so much asking for it : Tut , I was not hatcht under a Henne , nor will I bee Mealy-mouth'd , though thou bee flap-mouth'd , thou Dunce , thou Dolt , thou Sotte , I will have my will , or I will vexe every veine of thy heart , thou Logger-headed ●●●by : As I am a sinner I am asham'd to walke abroad with such a Lubberly Lout : Thou dost know , thou mi●erly base Patch , that almost every Cobler maintaines his wife in her Blacke Bagge , and I did but aske thee to give mee one , ( as fits my calling ) and thou , like a greedy Growtheaded Looby , denyedst me , but hereafter take it as thou wilt , and mend thy selfe as thou canst , I will be my owne Carver , and not stand to the allowance of such a Beetleheaded Cuckoe : And now thou knowest my resolution , I wish thee no more to trouble thy foolish Jolthead with studying to curbe or bridle me , for I scorne to be commanded by any dogged-divelish Crabbed Knave , or confin'd in any compasse of Reason by such a Hungarian Twyerpipe ; and if any way these Words of mine have troubled your minde , or doe sticke in your stinking stomacke , you may goe and make your moane to any of your Companions and Consorts , Drunkards , Bawds , Whoores , Fanders , Pimps , Rogues , Rascalls , Vagabonds , Runagates , Slaves , Villaines , and Varlets , your old Comrades , and Company-keepers , and so woe be to thee , and let sorrow be thy sops .

The Husbands speech to one of his Nighbours , out of his wives hearing .

MY Wife sure , good neighbour , was born at Billingsgate , and was certainly nursed up there , shee hath such a vilde tongue : and therefore I have made these Lines to that effect .

It is a schoole , where shamefac'd women may Heare impudence anatomi●'d so right , That she , who scarce i' th morn knowes what to say , May learne the Art of scolding all by night : They jeere , they fight , they swear , & curse like Roisters I 'de ne're abide the place , were 't not for Oysters .

Within a yeare or two after his wife dyed , and hee gets a Poet to make this Epitaph of her .

MY Dame and I full twenty yeare 's Livd man & wife together , I could no longer keepe her here , She 's gone the Lord knowes whither : Of tongue she was exceeding free , I purpose not to flatter , Of all the wives that e're I see , I vow I 'le ne're come at her . Her body is disposed well , A comely Grave doth hide her And sure her soule is not in Hell , The Divel could ne're abide her ; Which makes me think she 's soar'd aloft , For in the last great Thunder , Me thought I heard her very voice , Rending the Clouds insunder .

This Lecture may seem strange to as many as are Batchellours , for with them the marryed life is admitted , and wisht for ; but I would have them to consider , that after Marriage Huney-moone is but short , and before the Black Oxe hath trod on their foote , they will wish they had tasted the Grape , before they commended the Vine : Beware left instead of Sugar you do buy Ratsbane . There 's many a man hath angled for Fish , and catch'd a Frog : Hee may bee thought to bee very unwise that will change his free liberty for fetters of gold , or Manacles of Silver ; griefe and torment of minde is better lost than found ; there belongs to marriage more than foure beare legs in a bed : So likewise It is hard to wive and thrive both in a yeare ; for though good matches are made in Heaven , yet some men perhaps have few or no friends there at the match-making : There are too many who are more forward in seeking their Banes , than the Minister is to aske their Banes in the Church ; for though in some cases it is good to take Time & Occasion by the fore-top , yet too often Haste and Wisedome doe vary . Indeed , All is gay that is greene , and a new Broome sweeps cleane : Therefore it is a wiser part of a provident man to be more carefull in the Choise of his wife , than of any earthly thing whatsoever ; for though it bee fit that every man should be at his owne Wedding , yet many times the marriage were the better if the Woman were away . It is a hard case , that when there are but two , yet there is one too many . And I heard a fellow say , that his wife had but one fault , which was , that she was naught .

A man may fast binde , and fast finde , but he cannot unbind that which he hath bound so fast : hee may strike whilst the Iron is hot , and hee may wish that the Forge had been burnt to ashes , and the Anvile sunke in the sea , before he strook a stroke , he may shoote nigh the marke , and aime well , and hit the marke , which had beene better for him to have beene a thousand miles out of his reach : The best Wine will in time bee the sharpest Vineger ; & the sweetest Sugar may bee turn'd into Salt Peter .

Suppose a yong man , that is but of mean estate , doe marry with an old rich Widow , he shall be sure to live in a continuall Purgatory with her ; for either shee will be jealous of him , or covetous , casting him alwayes in the teeth , how shee with her estate hath made him a man , or raised Jack for to be a gentleman , that shee hath set a begger on Horse-backe , and ( if hee were her servant before , as many widowes doe often marry with their men ) then will shee daily upbraide him , that she hath made her foote her head .

If an old rich man doe Match with a poore yong woman or maide , that hath kinred as poore as her selfe , there the Divell sets in his foote of jealousie and suspition that his Wife doth waste his goods to helpe her Kinred , and if he hath any children , they will love their mother in law , and she will love them againe , ( al alike ) so that the house will be more unquiet than hell .

He that doth marry with a whore ( although his lot be bad ) yet age and time may make her turne honest .

He that weddes a drunken women ( as there are too many of them that are most liquorishly addicted to Wine , strong waters , Ale , and the like ) there may bee some hope of her mending , or ending .

He that is matched to one that will steale and pilfer , there may bee hope that shee may bee taken , and by admonishment or punishment reformed ; or else that in the end the Hangman may take such order with her , that her husband may bee eased of his trouble .

It is better for a man to have a faire Wife , that himselfe and every man else will love , ( provided that shee bee not a scold withall ) or a deformed wife , that would hire others to make much of her ( for foule water will quench fire as well as faire ) or a drunken Wife , that would make much of her selfe , or an old wife , that were bed-rid of her tongue , or a theevish wife , that should steale from himselfe and others , or a proud one , that would waste all his state in fashions , or a liquorish wife , a daily feasthunter , or a lazy wife , like Joane Easie , that lov'd her Bed better than her Distaffe ; or a sluttish wife , that would poyson him , and end all his miseries : I say , it were better for a man to marry with any of all these fore-named wicked kinde of women , than to bee matched and over-matched with a scold , for a scold will be all these , and worse : shee will bee melancholy malicious , and her most study shall bee , to be ill-conditioned : shee will mumpe , hang the Lippe , swell , ( like a Toad that hath laine a yeare under a wood-pile ) pout , loure , be sullen , sad , and doged : she will knit the browes , frowne , be wayward , froward , crosse , and untoward on purpose to torment her husband : her delight is chiefely to make debate abroad , and to be unquiet at home ; in her house she will be waspish , peevish , teasty , tetchy and snappish . It is meat and drinke to her to exercise her spleene and envy , and with her twittle twattle to sow strife , debate , contention , division , and discording heart-burning amongst her neighbours . I have heard a husband aske a wife such a milde question , and she hath snapt him up so disdainfully with an answer , that no Mistris would have us'd her prentise boy so scomfully : The pride of such a Jade is not to be endured , her coynesse is to bee jeered at , and her contempt to be derided , and such of them , are most to bee despised , that doe make a seeming shew of Religion , and a good life abroad , and when they are at home at dinner or supper ; whilst the Husband is saying Grace , sitting on one stoole , his vertuous vexatious wife hath sate upon another stoole by him , cursing and swearing . Therefore I advise all men , young and old , rich and poore , to marry any woman , of any bad condition , rather than a scold .

There was an old fellow once , that was not onely marryed , but almost overmatched with a shrew , or a most excellent Hypocriticall scold , for abroad shee seemed a civill devout creature , as if Butter would not melt in her mouth , but at home she would play the Divell , so that the man was amazed at her strange and uncivill behaviour , ( and indeede a very little wine or strong waters would make her tongue gallop , and her hands walke ) her Husband not giving her any cause , did marvaile at her unquietnesse , and gently perswaded her often , but all to no purpose , for the more he intreated , the more proud and furious she would be , calling him al the names that are mentioned before in the Lecture , all which he did most patiently endure : but at last she so much trod upon his forbearance , shee presumed that it was his duty to suffer .

At last ( he being loath to beat her ) he conceived to tame her another way , so perceiving that her delight was to have her house kept cleane and neate , with her Brasse and Pewter alwayes shining , and brightly scour'd and set up ; one time as shee was in her mad fit , hee tumbled all the platters & kettles about the house , which with the falls from the shelves , were somewhat bruised and battered , but that tricke would not doe ; so the next time she abus'd him , hee began another course , and made her believe that he would cut and teare her best wearing cloaths , both linnen , and woollen , but did smal hurt , he having wit in his anger , yet stil all was to no end ; insomuch that shee grew more insolent and used him worse , reviling him beyond all reason and never snffering him to have one quiet day or houre : and at last shee grew to that height , that she would strike him over the face , either at bed or boord , or any where in the house , as the mad fit came on her ; so that his patience being tyred , hee would forsake his house , and lodge abroad at some friends house , sometimes a weeke , and sometimes more ; but at his returning home , he found her too often the same mad woman shee was wont to be , and he knowing no fault in himselfe , and that neither faire meanes nor foule will reclaime her , ( as I did heare him say ) he doth purpose to leave her to her divellish disposition : because hee is utterly desperate that she is quite past mending .

And now againe I will treate a little of some few good women .

12. A Lecture of a woman to her husband in the morning as s●●ne as hee awakes , for a ramble ●'re night : and thus she beginnes .

WHat , are you awake good man Foxe-catcher ? are you in any better humour than you were last night tro ? then you had your base Songs and Catches you devis'd when you were among your Drunken companions : and no sooner come home , than to mee you had all the ill names that you could invent to bestow upon mee : Well Kit well , I see thou wilt never leave these idle courses , till thou bringest all to ruine : thou dost well , dost not , thinkst thou ? to goe out so soone as you have din'd so well , and hadst such good company at home , and never thinke of comming home againe , till eleven of the clocke at night , and in this pickle , more like a beast than a man ? Thou shouldst be ashamed , if thou hadst any shame in thee , that thy Neighbours should take notice of thy folly : You would come home in two or three houres at the most , you told me when you went out : I am sure all the businesse that thou hadst to doe , might have beene done and finished in an houre at the most : What , hast thou no measure , no reason , no government in thee , when thou art in company , and a drinking Wine , to give over untill thou art overcome with Drinke ? no care at all left to forbeare spending thy money , but thus idly to waste thy goods ? Me thinkes if thou hadst no love , respect , or regard of mee , yet for thy Childrens sake thou shouldst have some . I marvaile whither you went , or in what new hole you had entertainement , that you could not bee found out : That little meate I had in the house I dressed it , and got it ready for your Supper , expecting your comming home , and here it stood slopping before the fire , till it was hard and dried to nothing ; and so it remained till the Clock strook seven , eight , nine , before I touched a bit of it : Nor could I eate any part of it then for thinking on you : and let me tell you , I cannot eate my meat so alone , and without company ; I was never used to it . Then I went with my Child in my armes all about , and did looke in every Ale-house and Taverne , where I could imagine you might bee : but no finding of my Gentleman : You were sure lost in a Fog , or else you met with some new companions that gave you better entertainment than either I , or any of your old consorts can do : Well , where did your Worship Sup I marvaile ? would I were so happy as to know your new Ordinary ; yfaith it should cost mee a few cold words , but I would bee meete with some of your new Hosts and Hostesses ; but it is no great matter , keepe it so close as thou canst , I le warrant thee before it bee long I shall have notice of all : if thou hadst beene in any honest company , or any that wished you well , or me well , or your Children , thou wouldst not be loath to tell mee : Well , well , I shall thinke on it , when you least thinke I will .

13. A Lecture of a kinde and loving Wife to her Husband , and thus she begins .

SWeet Husband , I am sorry to see you are so vainly given to drinking , and to company : I pray consider with your selfe what injury you doe mee , and your owne credit by it , and that divers waies . First , you lose your time that is so precious , which you and every man ought to regard , and make use of while they have health and ability so to doe ; I am sure you have seene how Time is pictured with a Locke of Haire before , and Bald behind ; the meaning is , we must take hold on times fore-locke while we have it , for when he is past , there is nothing to hold by , all bald behind ; for when 't is gone and past , it is not to be recalled againe : It is good to make Hey while the Sunne shines , t is an old Proverbe yet worthy your observation . Then secondly , you spend your money , which is the marrow of the Land , and makes you to be so respected and beloved of all ; for without money you cannot have anything , with your money you may command all things . It is your money which makes you so welcome when you goe into the Taverne , it is for your money that they bee glad to see yon , and bid you farewell . If you were in necessity , and wanted money , trust me sweete Husband , there is none of all those places , where you have spent it so idly , that will scarce give you tenne Shillings , nay , scarcely lend it you without a sufficient pawne : and if you should make your complaint to them , what will they say doe you thinke ? Alas good Sir , or goodman such a one , I am sorry that you are come to this passe , and driven to this urgent necessity in your old age ; you were alwayes free , and very kind-hearted , I pitty your case , alacke aday , I have not so much money to spare at this time , for I have newly paid the Brewer , or the Baker , or the Merchant , and I was forced to make bold with one of my Neighbours to borrow of them to make up the summe ; This is the comfort and entertainment you shall finde when you have neede of their helpe . I pray remember my words good sweete-heart , for while your money lasts , you shall not want company , or good liquor , but once gone , then good night Land-Lord ; for a man without money is like a Pudding without sewet , dry meat ; and as old Hobson said , it is money which makes my Mares to goe , so it is with them ; for without money there is no abiding there : trust you they will not , though ( perhaps ) they may make you drink , and so bid you farewell ; and thus you have Iacke Drummes entertainment for all your money . Then thirdly , consider againe my loving Husband , how you abuse the good Creature of Wine , Beere , or Ale by your extraordinary drinking , and how sicke and ill you are the next day , and how uncapable you are of your affaires and businesse , and can take no true delight in any thing you eate or drinke , whether you walke , or sit still , for two or three dayes after ; it is such a bewitching thing , that you cannot leave it when you would : you must thinke you have not a body of Brasse to hold out still ; no , you will in time finde the inconvenience of this drinking over-much : it shortens your dayes , and makes you looke ill , as if you had bin buried in a Grave , and taken up againe ; doe but consider what detriment to your health , the aboundance and superfluity of Wine , or any other liquid stuffe doth ; for you must conceive , your stomacke is the receptacle for all sorts of meate and drinke , and the best of the wine doth disperse it selfe through little veines , into all the parts of the body for its nonrishment ; then the remainder of those dregs and grounds , which are left behind in the stomacke causes Vapours to fly up into your braine , makes your head ake , and there injures the Pia mater and Dura mater , and so stupifies your Penicranium , that all your vitall parts and ventricles are almost suffocated , and your life in hazard also : then some dangerous diseases or other followes ; as Fevers , Agues , Inflamations , Consumptions , and such Distillations from the Braine , that it will for ever after impare your health ; then in this extremity you must be constrained to take Physicke , to quallifie and refrigerate the extraordinary heate in you ; and moreover , if your Physicke bee not good , and well clarified , the dregs which remaine in your body , will too much coole the Naturall heate , and destroy the Radicall moysture ; and when those decay , then life farewell : Then if neede require you must breath a veine , and be let blood , and it may be , happen uppon an unskilfull Surgion that cannot doe it handsomely , but mistake the veine ; and perhaps when his hand shakes , pricke an Artery ; and so lose the use of your arme ; or else perchance make such an Orifice , that hee cannot stench the blood , or else so butcher your arm by often striking , that you faint and sound in the act , and so lose your life : and all this insues by your ingurgitating and excessive drinking of Wine , or such like liquor : for Wine and Tobacco being both hot , doth so heate and burne you within , that it weakens and impaires your strength very much ; and especially , Tobacco weakens you ; for you may reade these ensuing lines which I dare say an honest man writ them , and they be true , and he was a Womans friend I will assure you .

TObacco that Outlandish Weed , Weakens the body , & spoiles the Seed ; It hurts the Braine , and dims the sight ,

Truely Husband , if you understand your selfe aright , you must needes confesse this to bee true ; for you must know , Nature cannot doe no more then it can ; it helpes to evacuate the superfluity , and purges the Braine when it is over-charged and oppressed ; as much as in her lyes : but if you lay too much upon her , the ruine will be your owne in the end , and with losse of life .

Fourthly and lastly , indeed I speake to you and tell you this for your good ; you know I have never falne out with you , nor given you any ill language , though you came home late , and have bin disguised in drinke ; but intreated you to have a care of your selfe , and to come home sooner . To conclude , because I would not bee too tedious in relation , I hope these words of mine you will give care unto , and will better your understanding to remember them : you shall ever find me a loving & a kind wife to you in all things ; you men are the Head , & must governe us women ; we must be guided by you in all things : you are the Sunne to mee , and I am your Mary-gold , to shut & open when you please : your sweet company , good Husband , joyes mee more than all the World besides ; if you would but keepe home , I should think nothing too much that I did for you , and by your faire words I would even let out my heart-blood to doe you good . Therefore deare Husband , if you will take a Womans counsell , bee wise , and keepe your mony for better uses , than to spend where you shall have no thankes in the end : for the oftner you use to visit these Ale-houses or Tavernes , the more they will slight you , and dis-respect you ; any new company shall be spoken to before you , nay , they will make bold with you , and you shall stay their leasure , when others shall be served with the best Wine they can draw , and you with the worst .

The Husbands reply .

In troth sweet Wife , I finde it very true , and for thy sake ,

I will drinke strong Beere no more , no more ; But ever hereafter I will drinke cold water , And keepe my money in store , in store .

But as I have written of vertuous and modest women , so must I ever , and I wish all other men and women to hold and esteeme them in a good & reverend regard ; and I am sure their wisedome and discretion is such , that they will take no distaste at any thing that either touches or concernes them .

For it is too well known ( by woefull experience ) daily , that some husband and servants are so wicked , and basely inclin'd , that they will give too much cause to make a wel-dispos'd and quiet woman speake , as I was minded shortly to set forth a Booke to that purpose , concerning the bad courses and misbehaviour of such as goe in the shapes of men , but indeede are Beasts , or rather worsethan beasts , Heathens , or Infidels , but I shall be prevented in writing of it ; for I doe here that there are divers women set their helping hands , to publish such a Booke themselves in their owne praise , with an answer to this Booke : called by the Name of Sir Seldome Sober , or The womans sharpe revenge against the Author . Yet the many incombrances of Marriage doth make some men and women often wish themselves single : for Argus his hundred eyes are not sufficient , Briareus one hundred hands will not serve , Croesus wealth will not supply , Hercules performance will not satisfie , Salomons wisdome cannot prevent , Sampsons strength cannot prevaile , nor all the wit , power , strength , or policy of man can restraine , or keepe his wife within the limits of reason , if Heavenly grace guide her not .

Now for the Readers better satisfaction , hereafter followeth a relation of what degrees and callings , and of what Countries and Nations those women were , whose names are Recorded in History for good or bad , as also of what qualities and conditions the most part of them were of ; with the manner of some of their lives and deaths .

Hellen is said to bee Iupiters Daughter , and that shee was so faite , that for her beauty shee was ravished twice : The first time was by Thesius , the tenth King of Athens : after that she was married to Menelaus , King of Sparta , or Lacedemonia , from whom shee was stolne by Paris , the sonne of Priam , King of Troy ; for which second Rape of Hellen , the Princes of Greece combined together in Armes , and after tenne yeares siege of Troy they tooke it , sack'd , and fired it .

Hellen ( another of that name ) was the happy mother of the Illustrious and famous Christian Emperout , Constantine the Great ; which Emperour restored , and gave full freedome to the Gospels preaching , after it had bin three hundred and odde yeares supprest and persecuted under the tenne bloody persecutions : Hee repaired old Bizantium , and named , it Constantinople ; His mother Hellen was likewise the Religious foundresse of a magnificent Chappel upon the Mount Tabor : ( where our Saviour was transfigured ) she was a most vertuous Empresse , and as some writers say , she and her Sonne Constantine were borne in London .

Also there was another Hellen , the Mother of the unfortunate Constantine , the last Emperour of Constantinople , who was overthrowne by Mahomet the Great , Emperour of the Turkes , May 29 , 1453. On which day Constantine Paleologus lost the City , with his Empire and life : so that one Hellen and Constantine built it , and two others of the same name lost it , as aforesaid .

Lais was a famous Grecian or Corinthian whore ; she was so haunted with the Princes and Nobility of those times , that shee was exceeding Rich , and shee was at so high a rate , that when Demosthenes ( the admired Orator ) demanded of her the price of a nights Lodging with her , she told him that shee would not take lesse than 10000. Drachmas , which in our mony is two hundred pound Sterling : but Demosthenes ( not liking such a Bargaine ) answer'd her , That he would not buy Repentance at so deare a rate . She was ston'd to death by whores for her too much over-valuing of her selfe .

Thais was also another famous whore of Corinth , and that of such singular beauty , that shee would entertaine none but Kings and Princes . She mightily befool'd the wise Philosopher Aristippus , & held him ( in a neare degree ) under a slavish command .

Livia was the light Empresse and Wife to Augustus Caesar ; it is related that she made him weare a Cuckoes Feather in his Cap.

Semiramis was Empresse and wife to Ninus , the grand-child of Nimrod ; shee was left a Widdow , with one Sonne , whose name was Ninias , who was so effeminate a Prince that hee suffered his Mother Semiramis to reigne 42. yeares over him : She was valiant and victorious , but in the end shee was so overcome with a lustfull inordinate affection to her owne Son , that he slew her with his owne hands in Babylon .

Pasiphae was the wife to Minos , King of Crete , ( now called Candi ) it is said she was in love with a Bull , by whom shee had a Monster called Minotaurus ; but it is more probable that a Courtier named Taurus , did use such familiarity with her , that she brought forth a Sonne more like the said Taurus , than to her Husband King Minos .

Hermia was a Strumpet of that excellent feature , that Aristotle ( the famous Philosopher ) was so besotted on her , that hee adored her with divine honours , and offered sacrifice unto her .

Messalina was Empresse and wife to Claudius Caesar ; she was a Monster , rather than a Woman , and of such incredible insariablenesse , that is unfit to be rehearsed .

Olympias was wife to Philip King of Macedon , and Mother to Alexander the great , shee was a woman of a haughty minde , and bloody nature , and so revengefull , that she murdered Cleopatra , ( the former wife to her Husband ) and her two children ; the one she kill'd in the armes of the Mother , and the other she caused to be broyl'd alive in a Copper-bason : it was suspected also that she poysoned her Husband King Philip , At last she was slaine by the commandment of Cassander , one of the successors of Alexander .

Mirha was the incestuous daughter of Cynare , or Ciniras , King of Cypris , upon whom her owne Father begot the faire and beautifull youth Adonis , the delightfull Darling of Venus .

Medusa , a fiction , Fury , or Hellish Hagge .

Progne was one of the Daughters of Pandion , King of Athens , and wife to Tereus King of Thrace : her Husband ravished and cut out the tongue of her Sister Philomela , in revenge whereof Progne murthered her owne Son It is , and caused him to be baked , boyl'd , and roasted for her Fathers ( her Husband Tereus supper , and because her revenge flew so swift , it is faigned that she was turn'd to a Swallow . For further satisfaction , looke Ovids Metamorphosis , Lib. 6.

Media was daughter to Ceta King of Colchos , shee was a most beautifull Witch ( or Sorceresse ) she was so enamoured on the goodly personage of lason , that she shew'd him the way to shun the dangers in the winning the Golden Fleece , which after Iason had accomplished , she ran away with him into Thesally

Circe is feigned to be the Daughter of Sol , and that by the Mothers side shee is Grand-child to Oceanus , the Sea-god ; she was also a cunning Witch , the wise Vlysses had something to doe with her , as you may reade in the 14. booke of Ovids Metamorphosis .

Agripina was the Mother of the bloody Emperour Nero , shee poison'd her Husband Claudius , with his Son Brittanicus , and lastly shee was murthered by command of her Sonne Nero , who was formerly suspected to have incestuously strumpitted her .

Flora was a beautifull Whore in Rome , who by her Trade had heaped up great treasures , which she gave all to the common people at her death , for the which they built a Temple to her , and worshipped her , calling her the Goddesse of Flowers .

Clitemnestra was wife to Agamemnon , King of the Micenians ; he was the valiant Generall of the Greekes at the ten yeares siege and sacking of Troy , but returning home to his Wife , hee was most wickedly murthered by her procurement , and by the hands of one Aegisthus , who had long lived in Adultery with the said queane , Queene Clitemnestra .

Pandora was a Woman so in favour with the gods , that Pallas gave her wisedome , Mercury gave her Eloquence , Apollo Musicke , Venus Beauty , also they gave her a Boxe , wherein were hidden , and secret things inclosed , ( as they said ) and withall commanded her straightly that she should not dare to open the said Boxe , which neverthelesse shee did open , and suddainly thence flew out of it all the griefes , paines , maladies , and diseases that doe afflict miserable mankind . This Fiction is an Allusion or Embleme , that women can hardly keepe Counsell , and that they have a desire to doe that which they are forbidden .

Xantippe was a most famous , delicate , dainty , devillish Shrew , or Scold ; she was the wife to the wisest of the Philosophers , Socrates ; shee hated nothing more than peace & quietnesse : On a time she hunted her Husband to and fro scolding , from one roome to another , that hee to bee rid of her , went and sate in the street at his doore , which shee perceiving , went up into a Chamber above him , and threw the pisse-pot on his head , whereat when Socrates perceived people to laugh , hee patiently said , that he expected som raine would fall after so many claps of Thunder .

Saphira was an hypocriticall woman , and the Wife to the dissembling Ananias .

Rhodope was a beautifull Strumpet of the Country of Thrace : She was once fellow servant with Aesop , the Phrygian Fabulist : she was so notable in her Art , ( as Cornelius Agrippa saith in his vanity of Sciences ) that shee got so much wealth , that therewith shee paid for the building of a Piramis , or Piramides , which was a worke esteemed one of the Wonders of the World .

Deianiera was Wife to Hercules , whose causelesse jealousie was the death of Hercules ; before which time hee so much doated on the beauty of Iole , the daughter of Errytus , King of the Aetolians , that for her sake hee laid by his Armes , and Monster-killing Clubbe , and like a servile Handmaid , in womans apparrell , practis'd to spinne with a Distaffe , to please his faire Mistris . Love overcomes all things .

Briseis was a faire Lady given to Achylles , at the siege of Troy , shee was taken againe by Agamemnon , for the which there was great strife betweene those two great Princes , but at the last shee was restored againe to Achylles .

Arlotta , or Harlot , was a Skinners daughter of Cane in Normandy , whom Robert , the sixth Duke of that Province , was so bold as to beget on her Willians the Conquerour , King of England : since which time , most of such used women as are called She-friends , are in memory of Arlot ( or Harlot ) called Harlots .

Faire Rosamond Clifford was the unfortunate Paramour to Henry the second King of England : she was poysoned by the jealous Queene at the Mannour of Woodstocke , in Oxfordshiere .

Jane Shore was the wife of Matthew Shore , a Gold-smith of London , shee was taken from the City to the Court by K. Edward the fourth , with whom shee lived merily , and dyed miserably in the reigne of K. Richard the 3.

And thus a world of Histories are fraught With all degrees of women ( worse than naught . ) But for the good ones , to gaine their good will , To them I humbly now direct my quill .

Lucretia , was the wife of Tarquinnius Collatinus , a Noble man of Rome , which Noble and chaste Dame ( the proud and lustfull King ) Sextus Tarquinius Ravish'd violently ; for the which indignity she slew her selfe .

Portia was the Daughter of Cate , and wife to Junius Brutus , her father slew himselfe to save his honour , her husband kild himselfe to escape the hands of Octavius Caesar , and shee ( being taken prisoner ) being debar'd of weapons , Knives , Garters , and all other things whereby shee might misdoe her selfe , neverthelesse , though shee were carefully and diligently watch'd , shee suddenly went toward the fire , and catch'd up hot burning Coales , and swallowing them dyed to preserve her honour .

Dido , some called her Elisa , was the famous foundresse of the mighty City of Carthage in Affrica ; she was the Daughter to Bellus ; shee was married to Sichaeus , who was Priest to Hercules , ( A man of such mighty wealth , that Pigmalian , Dido's brother slew him ) so by that meanes , Dido being a Widdow , one Hiarbus , King of Getulia ( or the Getes , which some hold to bee Norway , or Gothland ) made Suite to her for marriage , which she refusing , hee made Warre against her ; and she finding her selfe too weake to withstand his forces , and withall not being minded ever to Marry , ( the love of her first Husband had taken such deepe root in her heart ) shee kild her selfe . Virgil doth frame in his Aeneades , that she slew her selfe for the love of Aeneas ; which cannot possibly be so , for Aeneas came from Troy 350. yeares at the least , before Dido was borne , or Rome or Carthage built .

Artemisia was a Queen , replenished by beauty and chastity ; she was the Wife to Mausolaus , or Mausolus ) King of Caria , she loved her Husband so entirely , that when hee was dead she caused him to be embalm'd , and his heart to be taken out and dryed to powder , which every day shee dranke a part of , till all of it was dranke : shee said , that whilst he lived they both had but one heart , and that she held no Sepulehre so worthy for the interring of his heart , as was the living Sepulchre of her body . Also shee caused a Monumentall Tombe to be built , wherein shee laid the Corpes of her beloved Lord and Husband : The Tombe was of that magnificent and stately structure , that it was accounted one of the Wonders of the World ; the stone of the said Tombe was of an excellent and rare kinde of Marble : it was in compasse 411. foot , in height 37. foote , and it was circled about with 36 Marble Pillars , most curiously carved with Corinthian worke .

Pheadra was too loying to cast her selfe away for the love of Hippolitus .

Phillis did as much for Demophoon , and Thisbe for the love of Piramus : kild her selfe with a sword . These three or foure last nam'd , were overaboundant too to loving Creatures .

St. Vrsula was the daughter of a Brittish Prince , named Dionetta ; shee , with 〈◊〉 Virgins more who were under her command , were assailed by the Barbarous G●●●es and Vandals , and because they would not yeeld their bodies to prostitution , and their soules to Heathenish Idolatry , they were all put to deathby their inhumane enemies . There is a Monument in the City of Colleine of St. Vrsula , and the said eleven thousand Virgin Martyrs .

Leodice , the Wife to Ariathres , King of Capadocia , did unnaturally murther five of her sixe sonnes , for the which the people violently fell upon her , and kild her , which being done they crowned the surviving sonne that was left .

Dominico Silvio , Duke of Venice being deposed from his Dukedome , because his Army was discomfited by Robert , Duke of Puglya , and Calabria , his wife in her greatnesse was so daintily proud , that the Dew was often gather'd from Roses and flowers , to make Baths to bathe her in with costly perfumes and other devices ; yet before shee dyed her flesh did rot , & stinke in such a noysome manner , that none could abide to come neare her , & in that miserable fashion she dyed .

When the Emperour of Germany ( Conradus the third ) had overcome the Faction of the Guelphes , and taken their chiefe City called Monake in the Canton of Berne in Switzerland , the Emperour commanded his souldiers to cut all the men in the City in pieces , but hee granted the women so much mercy and favour , as not only their lives and freedome , but also to carry away as much as they could on their backs , whereupon the Women-kind consisting of Maids , wives widdowes , or other Females , tooke every one of them a boy , a Lad , or a man , ( their fathers , Brethren , Vncles , friends , and the Towne souldiers ) upon their backes , and bare them out of the City , and so saved their lives from the Emperours fury : which hee , perceiving , was so moved with pitty , that in love to the womans worthy acts and true affection , he was pacified , and gave them all free pardon of their lives , with their Towne and goods .

As there have beene good women , whose honours and vertues are as famous and memorable as men , so likewise there hath beene , and are too many whose lives are abhominable , live and dye detestable : for the height of the Firmament is found by the Staffe or Astrolobe , the depth of the Sea may be sounded with the Lead and Line , the farthest Coasts are discovered by the Chart and Compasse , Art and Wit finde out the secrets of nature , Mans Anatomy is knowne by often dissections and experience : But Instrument , Plummet , Line , Compasse , Wit , Art , or Experience , cannot finde out or shun the deceits of a wicked woman , for though all women be women-kind , all are not kind women ; and as they are weake , and subject to the temptations of men , so are they stronger temptations to men , than men can withstand : and it is to be noted , that the most or greater number of them doe love and take delight to bee su'de and sought to , although they are determined never to grant that which is su'de for .

They commonly are very forgetfull of good turnes , and concerning injuries , they have memories that will out-last Brasse or Marble , they are so like the Courtiers in ●●land , that if they should promise me a dourtesie , I would not be so foolish as to expect to have it : It is naturall for them to despise what is freely given to them , though they need it ; and it is a cruell vexation to them to be deny'd any thing that they aske , though it be but needlesse and impertinent toyes and bables .

Huldovina , wife to Paleologus , the second Emperour of Constantinople , which Emperour was afflicted with the Gout , and other diseases in such grievous manner , that for the space of nine Moneths every yeare , he could not stirre out of his Bed , or Chamber ; at which times there was no Physick that could helpe or ease him but his wives scolding : ( which medicine was taught him by a Witch ) I wish I had a wife endued with such vertue , I would let her out to hire at what rate or price I listed .

Infinite were the number that might be named , that have beene famous for their vertues , or infamous for their vices , but they are recorded in other Histories , and therefore I hold it impertinens to proceed further this way .

As women divers are , I change my Pen From good to bad , from bad to good agen : One with the other J have mixedhere , For Vertue , shines more bright when vice is neere .

An old man asked a yong Maid this Question : If I should take thee to be my Wife , I pray thee tell me , wilt thou bee honest ? she answer'd him presently , what I might bee , if I were married to you , I know not , but I doe meane to be honest if you take me not .

There is nothing more vexing to a Scold , than when she perceives the party she scolds at not to be vex'd ; for they cannot be angred worse than not to answer them : therefore a wise man will not set his wit to one of them , as either to regard , or give her an answer , for an Answer is encouragement , and indeede it is too much Honour for a man either to descend so low as to take notice of what they say , or to stoope lower to afford them any Reply , but to shame them with their mortall enemy , Silence .

Cancer ( in Latine ) T is a Crab of the Sea ; there are also Crabs of the Wood , and he that marries a woman that was home when the Signe was in Cancer , is likely to be matched in one of a 〈◊〉 disposition : and of a crooked nature , and then the old 〈◊〉 will prove the best Cure , as thus :

The Cr●b of the 〈◊〉 is a Sawce very good For the Crabbe that doth swim in the Sea . But the wood of the Crabbe is good for a Drab , That will not her Husband obey .
A strange familiar daily and hourely Lecture , most rare and ordinary very easie and extreame hard to be understood , pronounced by an Ancient Grand Gossip over a Cup of Sack & strong Waters .

MIstris Jane Twittle , M rs . Sicilly Twattle , M rs . Dorothy Small-worth , Mistris Few-words , and Mistris Many-better , went all a shroving one a good Friday to old Mistris Little-goods ; where after the expence of halfe an houres time in impertinent & unnecessary courtsies , how dee's and welcomes ( the young Woman having brought a fat Capon and Conies , with a Gallon of Canara ( in Bottles ) they all sate downe , where after a while that the Iack , the Spit , and the Cups had gone round , they began to talke of many things , whereof they had nothing to doe , but the old Mistris of the House prayed them to bee merry and wise , and that Pitchers had eares , and therefore ( to avoid danger , ) she entreated them to clamour their tongues , and to have a care to speake no more then they said , and with that ( good Creature ) shee called for her Hum Bottle , and kindly dranke to them , desiring that it might goe about , saying , it was the spirit of whorehownd , and a rare preservative to drive away Melancholly ; That Bout being past , they began to change their discourse , as the inspiration of good drinke , and the Vollubility of their tongues gave them utterance ; some talked of their Husbands , some prated of the fashions , some back-bite their Neighbours , some commended the Sacke , some extoll'd the Hum Battle , and all dranke round still : Well , well , ( said Mistris Twattle , ) All this Corne shakes no Wind , nor doth any of our Husbands know what great paines we poore women take : with that word Husband , old Mistris Little-good began to start , saying , In good time be it spoken , I have not beene troubled these 32. yeares with so grievous a burden as a Husband , I tell you ( loving Daughters ) I am threescore and fifteene Winters old , ( at the next Grasse or Hock-m●nday ) and before I was forty I had buried foure . I remember the first was a Taylor , ( as honest a man of a Protestant as need to beyand as true a man of his Trade , as ever broke Bread ; and indeed Bread was his Bane , for hee was choak'd with eating fourteene Penny-worth of hot Bunnes upon a Good-friday morning , his death was very grievous to mee , for he was a man of faire behaviour , and his credit was so good every where , that he might have beene trusted with untold Milstones ; he got more ( by halfe ) by his Shieres , than by his Needle ( for he was a large Cutter ) his Bodkin was one of his Military Weapons , but for his Yard it was some-what scant , and very short of London measure .

I had not bin a Widow above five dayes , but a Shoo-maker would needs know the length of my foote , I remember hee came to me upon a Munday , perswading mee it was one of St. Hughs Holy-dayes , by whose Bones ( with the ayde of Saint Crispian ) hee swore hee would have me : & ( alasse ) I being a weake woman , seeing his boldnesse , I had no power to hold out , so the next day we got a Licence and were married , out to see what a sudden alteration was befalne me , thinke a Woman could never have chanced upon two husbands of such different qualities ; for as the Taylor was adicted to Bread , the Shoo-maker was altogether for Drink ; the one was a pint of small Beere , and 3. penny loaves , and the other was a dozen Pots and a Halfe-penny crust . Indeed I thinke he got our House-rent , and part of our bread by stretching and gnawing his Leather with his teeth , but for his drinke hee could hardly bring both ends together at the yeares end : Truely he was a very proper man ( but for his face ) and for the King of Good-fellowes , hee was worth his weight in burnt Silke ; but within 2. yeares Death came upon him , and ( with a Habeus Corpus ) brought him from his Aule to his Last ; but before he dyed he was as leane as any Rake , for hee was a small eater , and you know that all drinke , or swill and wash , and no Graines , will never fatten a Hogge . He being laid sa●e in his Grave , I was almost a forenight before I could perceive any wooer , or Love-struck Suiter to make towards me ; I mus'd and griev'd , at such a neglect at that time ( for I tell you daughters ) I then thought my selfe as fine as the proudest , and I am sure I was as proud as the finest , and esteemed my penny to be as good Silver as the best of them : at the fortnights end of my second Widow-hood , to drive away griefe , I would sometimes see a Play , and heare a Beare-baiting ; whereas a handsome formall Bearded man made roome ; to sit downe by him , and he tooke such good notice of my Civillity , in laughing at the sport , that indeed Love strucke him to the heart with the glaunces of mine eyes , in such sort as within short space we met at a Taverne , where with a Contract we made our selves as sure as Sacke and Sugar could tye us ; in a Word , the Marriage was ended , and Giblets were joyn'd , ( as we thought to both our contents , ) but all is not Gold that glisters , and oftentimes a faire morning doth usher a foule day ; as it happened with us ) for my Husband being a Merchant , and Free of the Worshipfull Company of Haber dashers of Small Wit , within halfe a yeare after we were Married , he appear'd like a Venice Glasse that had falne from a Taverne Table in a drunken Fray ; for it is to bee noted , that a Merchant & a Glasse are much like in quality , and altogether contrary to an Egge , or a Iest , for the Glasle or the Merchant are stark naught when they are broken , and the Egge or Iest , are never good so long as they are whole . My Husband being thus unhappily crack'd , tooke up a strong Lodging for his safe keeping , and became a Courtier to King Lud , but after sixe Moneths Imprisonment , hee made a shift to winde himselfe out by compounding with his Creditors for seven groats in the pound ; and being at liberty , and most plentifully stored , with neither credit , Coyne , means or friends , he fortuned to be in a place whereas a Statute Book lay ; negligently behind a Curtaine in a window , which he ( without any leave or knowledge to the Right owner ) borrowed and closely carried away under his Cloake , upon which book he would bee continually poaring and reading , so that by his industrious study he found how wickedly the penall Statutes were broken every day a thousand times , whereuppon he resolved ( seeing all Trades fail'd ) to turne Informer , or ( as ignorant fooles tearme it , who know not what they say ) Promouter ; in a word , my Husband was so witty by his practise in that good Booke , he made a shift to get a bad living ; hee was a terrible Termagant against Tavernes , Ale-houses , Cookes , and victulers , for dressing Flesh in Lent , or fasting dayes , and they ( being in his danger ) would compound with him ; and give him mony under-hand , by which meanes they had that convenience , to dresse what and when they would ; and frothy curtall Kans , bumbasted fomy Iuggs , squirting blacke Pots , or any villanous unlawfull measures , were winked at with my good mans Cum Privilegio , but at last hee was found out , and the reverend Grave Iudges for his compounding and winking , did so cleare his eye-sight , that they made him looke and see perfectly through an Inch Boord , for he was mounted on a Market-day on the Pillory , and part of his faults written in his Fore-head ; and after he was degraded and made uncapable , to be worthy to undoe anybody by Information ; for his word was never more to passe for currant . His paines being past , I know not by what chance but he got a pocky blow with a French Cowlestaffe , and gave up the Ghost in an Hospitall .

He being Dead was much bemoan'd ( for indeed he did as much good here whilst he liv'd , and was as necessary a member as the fifth Wheele in a Coach . ) It was my Fortune within one moneth to marry with one Achitophel Little-good , in which match wee were both cozened ; for he tooke mee for a rich Widow , and I was in great hope that his Bags were linde with Gold and Silver Rubbish ; but it fell out otherwayes , for hee was as poore as any boasting Knave neede to bee ; for hee owed for the very Cloaths that hee wore ; and so we two ( being both in one case ) had most plentifull store of hunger and ease ; and yet though hee had neither meanes or Trade , hee was so diligent to looke out , that he would make hard shift to be drunke almost every night , and then when he came home , hee would most familiarly , and lovingly kicke mee , calling me Whore , and many other pretty Sirnames ; and sometimes he would play with my haire , winding it about his fist , and kindly draw mee by it all about the house , and withall sometimes he would embrace mee in great affection ( out of his owne good Nature ) with a Wand , a Cudgell , or a Ropes end . I being as then not very old , began to take these kindnesses to heart ; and ( to requite him ) I would walke as well as hee , & stay abroad as late , insomuch ( that for my better maintenance ) I Traded so well , and had such good commings in , that I made him weare an invisible Cuckooes Feather in his Cap , and if occasion had beene he could have made Hay with his head , as well as with a Pitchforke ; and I would raise my voyce to him in the chiding vaine , that all the house & street would have rung of it , ( for I had a very shrill high voice ) & I would talke on purpose to no purpose but to vexe him ; for women are not bound to speake sence to sencelesse fooles , nor Reason to unreasonable drunken Beasts ; our best knowledge ( for the most part ) is not to be understood in any thing that we meane , say or doe ; and yet I understand thus much , that a Crowing Hen is better than a Craven Cocke ; and truly if I could have found out but where any good behaviour was to bee had in England , I would have had my Husband bound to it as strongly as the Divell mended his Breeches , when he sowed them with a Bell-rope : hee had a Wife and two Children before he married me , but ( as I heard say ) hee was a better Husband then to them than to me , for as his house was on fire once , he was so carefull that all should not be burnt , that hee cast his Wife and Children into a Well , saying he would save somewhat . Indeed hee was a Melancholy , merry , sad , malepart condition'd fellow , and I lov'd him so dearely , that it strucke him inwardly with such joy , that after eighteene moneths being married , he dyed of the Pippe ; and I hearing that a Projector was about to get a Monoppoly to have all the Goods and possessions of all such Widowes who dyed with griefe for their Husbands decease ; I thought it the safest way to deceive the Projector , not so much as to grieve or shed a teare : And for his sake I vowed never to bee married againe . And so good neighbours and Gossips , I drinke to you all , and you are welcome all .

The Author's advice how to tame a shrew .

IF you perceive her to increase her language , bee sure you give her not a word , good nor bad , but rather seeme to slight her , by doing some action or other , as singing , dancing , whistling , or clapping thy hands on thy sides ; for this will make her vexe extreamely , because you give her not word for word : And be sure you doe not offer to goe away , but walke still before her , or in her hearing ; for if you doe thinke to avoyd her clamour by going abroad , you are deceived ; for then you doe but give her breath , and so she will have a Bill os Revivall against you when you come in againe , and so by that meanes will have another fling at your Jacket : and if you must needes goe forth about your occasions , beware that shee doe not meete with you as Xantippe the wife of Socrates , did meet with him : for after hee had endured her railing & bitter words for two or three houres together , and slighted her by his merry conceits , she studying how to bee revenged of him , as he went out of his house she poured a Chamber-pot onhis head , which wet him exceedingly ; whereupon he presently said , I did think that after so great a clap of Thunder , we should have some shower of raine , and so past it off merrily : but if all will not serve that you can doe , to stop her rage , but she will thus every day clamour , then I wish you to buy a Drum into your house , and locke it up in some private roome or Study , that shee may not come at it , and when she doth begin to talke aloft , doe then begin to beate a loud , which shee hearing , will presently be amazed , hearing a louder voyce than her owne , and make her forbeare scolding any more for that time . And at any time if she doe talke or scold , then sing this Catch ,

He that marries a Scold a Scold , He hath most cause to bee merry , For when she 's in her fits , He may cherish his wits With singing Hey downe dery , with a cup of Shery .
Or thus : What hap had I to marry a Shrew , For shee hath given me many a blow , And how to please her , alas , I doe not know .
Another . Dub a dub , kill her with a Club , Be thy wives Master : Each one can tame a shrew , but he that hath her .
Another . Never let a man take heavily The clamour of his wife , But if he doe please to learne of me , To live a merry life , Let her have a swing All in a hempen string : Or when she begins to scold , Doe thou begin to sing , Fa , le , ra , la , la , fa , le , ra . If nothing else will do 't , 'T will keepe her tougue in awe , To sing , Fa , fa , la , la , le , ra . It is the onely way to tame a shrew , And save a man the charg of many a blow , Fa , la , la , la , fa , la , la , le , ra . But if shee persist , and will have her well , Oh , then bang her , bang her , bang her still .
And thus having briefely shew'd you how to pacifie a scolding wife , I will onely fall into a merry straine or veine for a few Epigrams , and so conclude .
Epigram 1. I blame not lusty Doll , that strives so much To keepe her light heart free from sorrowes touch : Griefe is a Corrasive , that would consume her , And therefore she affects a pleasant humour : Shee 's light of head , and heart , and light of heele , And every way as nimble as an Eele . Shee 'le daunce and sing , a hem boyes , hey all sixe , Shee 's steele to th' backe , all mirth , all Meretrix .
Epigram 2. Kate very eagerly doth still persue , To have Diurnall and Nocturnall Duc.
Epigram 3. Nells Husband sayes , shee brought him naught but toyes , But yet ( without his helpe ) she brings him Boyes .
Epigram 4. There 's no man lookes on Lidia's face , would thinke So faire a feature should so fouly stinke : Wherefore , excepting kissing complement , In other cases shee can give content .
Epigram. 5. Mall at first motion no mankind endures , But make her drunke , she 's everlasting yours .
Epigram. 6. Megge lets her Husband boast of Rule and Riches , But she rules all the Roast , and weares the Breeches .
Epigram. 7. Madge by no meanes immodest pranke 〈◊〉 , Yet takes delight to goe exceeding gawdy , To sport , carouse , and doe such things besides , As to report of , would appeare too bawdy .
Epigram. 8. Tib scornes bee tax'd for dearenesse of her Trade , That takes for hire , but as your Hackney Iade , Provided you depart e're Candle-light , Or pay her Fees double if you stay all night .
Epigram 9. Sib lets her Corps out at uncertaine prises , Still as the Faires or Markets falls , or rises .
Epigram. 10. Nans Husband cares not for the peoples chatt , She brings him profit , and he knowes what 's what : They by their prating shew their wit but small , He by his gaining shewes all wit , Wittall .
FINIS .