A kicksey winsey: or a lerry come-twang: wherein Iohn Taylor hath satyrically suited 800. of his bad debters, that will not pay him for his returne of his iourney from Scotland

A Kicksey Winsey : OR A Lerry Come-Twang : Wherein Iohn Taylor hath Satyrically suited 800. of his bad debters , that will not pay him for his returne of his iourney from Scotland .

1. My thankes to those that haue paid . YOur worthy Worthies , of that liberall Tribe , Who freely gaue your words , or did subscribe : And were not ich'd with the vaine-glorious worme , To write and lie , but promise and performe , Black Swans of Brittaine , I protest you arr , And seeme ( to me ) each one a Blazing Starre ; For this inconstant Age so few affoords Of men whose deedes do counterpoise their words , That finding one , me thinkes I see a wonder , More then Decembers fruit , or Winters Thunder . Ingratitude , I hold a vice so vile , That I could ne're endur 't a breathing while , And therefore , ere I 'le proue a thanklesse Iade , Time in his course shall runne quite retrograde ; Yea , euery thing shall hate his proper kinde , Before I 'le harbour an ingratefull minde : And still I vow to quit you in some part , With my best wishes , and a thankefull heart : So much to you , my Muse hath sung , or said Whose louing bounties hath the Sculler paid .

2. Those that would pay if they could . ANd as for you that would pay , if you could , I thank you , though you do not as you should , You promis'd faire , and wrote as free as any , But Time hath altred since , the case with many ; Your moneies , like low Tides , are eb'd too low , And when 't is lowest , 't will begin to flow . To seek a breech from breechlesse men , 't were vaine , And fruitlesse labour would requi●e my paine : It were no Charity ( as I suppose ) To bid one wipe his nose , that wants a nose , And sure my Conscience would be lesse then little , T' enrich my selfe , by robbing of the Spittle , No , honest friends ( to end this vaine dispute ) Your barren states may spring , & bring forth fruite , Your wills are good , and whilst I keepe your bills In stead of paiment I accept good wills ; On hope and expectation I will feed , And take your good endeauours for the deede , Praying that Crosses in your mindes may cease , And Crosses in your purses may increase .

3. Those that are hard for me to finde , and being found , were better lost . ANother sort of debters are behinde , Some I know not , and some I cannot finde : And some of them lies here and there , by spirts Shifting their lodgings oftner then their shirts . Perchance I heare where one of these men lies , And in the morning vp betimes I rise , And finde in Shorditch where he lodg'd a night ; But he to Westminster hath tane his flight . Some two dayes after thither doe I trot , And finde his lodging , but yet finde him not , For he the night before ( as people tell ) Hath tane a Chamber about Clarken well . Thither go I , and make a priuie search , Whilst hee 's in Southwark , neer S. George his Church , A pox vpon him , all this while thinke I , Shall I ne're finde out where my youth doth lie ? And hauing sought him many a weary bout , At last perhaps I finde his Chamber out : But then the Gentleman is fast in bed , And rest hath seas'd vpon his running head ; He hath tooke cold with going late by Water , Or sate vp late at Ace , Deuse , Trey , and Cater , That with a Sink of 50. pieces price , He sleepes till noone before his Worship rise . At last he wakes ; his man informes him straight , That I at dore doe on his pleasure waite ; Perhaps I am requested to come neere And drinke a cup of either ale or beere , Whilst sucking English fire , and Indian vaper , At last I greete him with my bill of paper : Well Iohn ( quoth he ) this hand I know is mine , But I this day do purpose to go dine At the Halfe Moone in Milke-street , prethee come , And there wee 'le drink , and pay this petty Somme . Thus many a street by me recrost , and crost I in and out , and to , and fro , am tost . And spend my time and coyne to finde one out , Which hauing found , rewards me with a slout . In this base fashion , or such like as this , To me their scuruy dayly dealings is : As on 's in 's study , t' others deepe in talke , Another's in his Garden gone to walke ; On 's in the barbers suddes , and cannot see , Till chin and chaps are made a Roman T. And for his making thus a Gull of of me , I wish his cut may be the Greacian P. These men can kisse their clawes , with Iack how i's t , And take and shake me kindly by the fist , And put me off , with dilatory Coggs , And sweare and lie , worse then so many dogs , Protesting they are glad I am return'd , When they 'd be gladder I were hang'd or burn'd . Some of their pockets are oft stor'd with chinke , Which they had rather waste on Drabs , Dice , Drink , Then a small pettie summe to me to pay , Although I meete them euery other day ; For which to case my minde , to their disgrace , I must ( perforce ) in Print proclaime them base : And if they pay me not ( vnto their shames ) I 'le print their trades , their dwellings ▪ & their names , That boyes shall hisse them as they walke along , Whilst they shal stink , & do their breeches wrong : Pay then , delay not , but with speed disburse , Or if you will , try but who 'le haue the worse .

4. Those that will and doe dayly pay me in drinke and smoake . A Fourth crew I must drop from out my quill , Are some that haue not paid , yet say they wil : And their remembrance giues my muddy mood , More ioy then of those that will ne're be good . These fellowes my sharpe Muso shall lash but soft , Because I meete them to their charges oft , Where at the Tauerne ( with free frollick hearts ) They welcome me with pottles , pints , and quarts ; And they ( at times ) will spend like honest men , Twelue shillings , rather then pay fiue or ten . These I do neuer seeke from place to place , These make mee not to runne the wildgoose chase ; These do from day to day not put me off , And in the end reward me with a scoffe . And for their kindnesse , let them take their leasure , To pay or not pay , let them vse their pleasure . Let them no worser then they are , still proue Their powrs may chance out-do me , not their loue ; I meete them to my perill , and their cost , And so in time ther 's little will be lost . Yet the old prouerb I would haue them know , The horse may starue the whilst the grasse doth grow .

5. Those that are dead . A Fift sort ( God be with them ) they are dead , And euery one my quittance vnder 's head : To aske them coyne , I know they haue it not , And where nought is , there 's nothing to be got . I 'le neuer wrong them with inuectiue lines , Nor trouble their good heires , or their assignes . And some of them , their liues losse to me were In a large measure of true sorrow deere ; As one braue Lawyer , whose true honest spirit Doth with the blest celestiall soules inherit . He whose graue wisedome gain'd preheminence To grace and fauour with his gracious Prince ; Adorn'd with learning , lou'd , approu'd , admir'de , He , my true friend , too soon to dust retir'de . Besides , a number of my worthy friends ( To my great losse ) death brought vnto their ends . Rest gentle spirits , rest , with Eternizing , And may your corpes haue all a ioyfull rising : There 's many liuing , euery day I see , Who are more dead then you in pay to me .

6. Those that are fled . A Sixt , with tongs glib , like the tayles of eeles , Hath shew'd this land & me foule pairs of heels To Ireland , Belgia , Germany and France , They are retir'de to seeke some better chance . T' was their vnhappy inauspicious Fate , The Counters , or King Luds vnlucky Gate ; Bonds being broke , the stones in euery street , They durst not tread on , lest they burnt their feete : Smoke by the pipe , and ginger by the race , They lou'd with ale , but neuer lou'd the Mace . And these mens honesties are like their states , At piteous , wofull , and at low priz'd rates ; For partly they did know when they did take My Bookes , they could no satisfaction make . And honesty this document doth teach That man shall neuer striue aboue his reach , Yet haue they reacht , and ouerreacht me still , To do themselues no good , and me much ill . But farewell friends , if you againe do come , And pay me either all , or none , or some : I looke for none , and therefore still delay me , You onely do deceiue me if you pay me . Yet that deceit from you , were but my due ; But I looke ne're to be deceiu'd by you . Your stockes are poore , your Creditors are store , Which God increase , and decrease , I implore .

7. Those that are as farre from honesty as a Turke is from true Religion . SEuenthly , and last's a worthy worthlesse crew , Such as heau'n hates , & hell on earth doth spew ; And God renounce , & dam them , are their praiers , Yet some of these sweete youths are good mens heires : But vp most tenderly they haue bin brought And all their breeding , better fed then taught : And now their liues floate in damnations streame , To Stab , drab , kil , swil , tear , swear , stare , blaspheme : In imitation worse then diuels apes , Or Incubusses thrust in humane shapes : As bladders full of others wind is blowne , So selfe conceit doth puffe them them of their owne : They deeme their wit all other men surpasses , And other men esteem them witlesse asses . These puckfoyst Cockbrain'd coxcombs , shallow pated , Are things that by their taylors are created ; For they before were simple shapelesse wormes , Vntill their makers lick'd them into formes . T' is ignorant Idolatry most base , To worship Sattin Sathan , or gold lace ; T' adore a veluet varlet , whose repute Stinkes odious , but for his perfumed suite . If one of these to serue some Lord doth get , His first taske is , to sweare himselfe in debt : And hauing pawn'd his soule to Hell for oathes , He pawnes those othes for newfound fashion clothes . His carcasse cased in this borrowed case , Imagines he doth me exceeding grace ; If when I meete him , he bestowes a nod , Then must I thinke me highly blest of God . And though no wiser then a foole he be , A good luck on him , hee 's too wise for me ; He with a courtly trick , or a flim flam , Doth nod at me , whilst I the noddy am : One part of Gentry he will ne're forget , And that is , that he ne're will pay his dett . To take , and to receiue , they hold it fit , But to requite , or to restore's , no wit . Then let them take and keepe , but knocks , and pox , And all diseases from Pandora's box . And which of them sayes that I raue or raile , Let him but pay , and bid me kisse his T. But sure the Diuell hath taught them many a trick , Beyond the numbring of Arithmetick . I meete one , thinking for my due to speake , He with cuasions doth my purpose breake , And askes what news I heare from France or Spaine , Or where I was in the last shower of raine ; Or when the Court remooues , or what 's a clock , Or where 's the wind ( or some such windy mock ) With such fine scimble seemble , spitter spatter , As puts me cleane besides the mony matter . Thus with poore mungrell shifts , with what , where , when , I am abused by these things , like men . And some of them do glory in my want , They being Romists , I a Protestant : Their Apostaticall Iniunctions saith , To keepe their faith with me , is breach of faith : For 't is a Maximm of such Catholicks , T is Meritorious to plague Hereticks ; Since it is so , pray pay me but my due , And I will loue the Crosse as well as you . And this much further I would haue you know , My shame is more to aske , then yours to owe : I begge of no man , 't is mine owne I craue , Nor do I seeke it but of them that haue : There 's no man was inforc'd against his will , To giue his word , or signe vnto my bill . And i's t not shame , nay more then shame to heare , That I should be return'd aboue a yeare , And many Rich men , words , and bills haue past , And tooke of me both bookes , both first and last : Whilst twice or thrice a weeke , in euery streete , I meete those men , and not my mony meete . Were they not able me amends to make , My conscience then , would sooner giue then take ; But most of those I meane , are full purs'd hindes , Being beggerly in nothing but their minds : Yet sure me thinkes , if they would do me right , Their minds should be as free to pay , as write . Neer threescore pounds , the books I 'm sure did cost , Which they haue had from me , and I thinke lost : And had not these mens tongues so forward bin , Ere I my painfull iourney did beginne , I could haue had good men in meaner Rayment , That long ere this , had made me better payment : I made my iourney for no other ends , But to get mony , and to try my friends : And not a friend I had , for worth , or wit Did take my booke , or past his word , or writ : But I ( with thankefulnesse ) still vnderstood They tooke , in hope to giue , and do me good . They took a book worth 12. pence , & were bound To giue a Crowne , an Angell , or a pound . A Noble peice , or halfe peice , what they list , They past their words , or freely set their fist . Thus got I sixteene hundred hands and fifty , Which summe I did suppose was somewhat thristy ; And now my youths , with shifts , & tricks & cauils , Aboue eight hundred , playes the sharking Iauils . I haue performed what I vndertooke , And that they should keepe touch with me I looke : Foure thousand , and fiue hundred bookes I gaue To many an honest man , and many a knaue ; Which bookes , and my expence to giue them out , ( A long yeere seeking this confused rout ) I'm , sure it cost me seuenscore pounds and more , With some suspition that I went on score . Besides , aboue a thousand miles I went , And ( though no mony ) yet much time I spent ; Taking excessiue labour , and great paines , In heat , cold , wet , and drie , with feete and braines : With tedious toyle , making my heart strings ake , In hope I should content , both giue and take ▪ And in requitall now , for all my paine , I giue content still , and get none againe . None did I say ? I 'le call that word agen , I meete with some that pay me now , and then , But such a toyle I haue those men to seeke , And finde ( perhaps ) 2 , 3 , or 4 a weeke , That too too oft , my losing gettings be , To spend 5. crownes in gathering in of three . And thus much to the world I dare auow , That my oft walkes to get my mony now , With my expences , seeking of the same , Returning many a night , home tir'd and lame , Meeting some thirty , forty in a day , That sees mee , knowes me , owes me , yet none pay . Vs'd and abus'd thus , both in towne and Court , It makes me thinke my Scottish walke a sport : I muse of what stuffe these men framed be , Most of them seeme Muckado vnto me : Some are Standfurther off , for they endeauer , Neuer to see me or to pay me neuer . When first I saw them , they appeared Rash , And now their promises are worse then trash ; No Taffaty more changeable then they , In nothing constant , but no debts to pay . And therefore let them take it as they will , I 'le canuase them a little with my quill . To all the world I humbly do apeale , And let it iudge , if well these men doe deale , Or whether for their basenesse , 't were not fitter , That I should vse more gall , and write more bitter ? Indeed I wrote this for this onely end , To warne them , and their faults to reprehend ; But if this warning will not serue the turne , I sweare by sweete Satyrick Nash his vrne , On euery pissing post , their names I 'le place , Whilst they past shame , shall shame to shew their face , I 'le hale fell Nemesis , from Dis his den , To ayde and guide my sharpe reuenging pen ; That fifty Popes Buls neuer shall roare lowder , Nor fourscore Cannons , when men fire their powder . There 's no wound deeper then a pen can giue , It makes men liuing dead , and dead men liue ; It can raise honour drowned in the sea , And blaze it forth in glory , Cap a pea ; Why it can scale the battlements of heauen , And stelli●ie men 'mongst the Planets seauen : It can make Mizers , peasants , knaues and fooles The scorn of goodnesse , and the diuels close stooles . Forgot had bin the thrice three worthies names , If thrice three Muses , had not writ their fames . And if it not with flattry be infected , Good is by it extold , and bad corrected . Let Iudgement iudge them , what mad men are those , That dare against a pen themselues oppose , Which ( when it likes ) can turne them all to loathing . To any thing , to nothing , worse then nothing . Yet e're I went , these men to write did like , And vs'd a pen more nimbly then a pike ; And writ their names ( as I suppos'd ) more willing , Then valiant Souldiers with their Pikes are drilling . No paper bill of mine had edge vpon it , Till they their hands and names had written on it ; And if their iudgements be not ouer-seene , They would not feare , the edge is not so keene . Some thousands , and some hundreds by the yeare Are worth , yet they their piece or halfe piece feare ; They on their owne bils are affraid to enter , And I vpon their pieces dare to venter : But who so at the bill hath better skill , Giue me the piece , and let him take the bill . I haue met some that odiously haue lied , Who to deceiue me , haue their names denied ; And yet they haue good honest Christian names , As Ioshua , Richard , Robert , Iohn and Iames : To cheate me with base Inhumanity , They haue denide their Christianity , A halfe piece , or a Crowne , or such a somme , Hath forc'd them falsifie their Christendom : Denying good , ill names with them agree , And they that haue ill names halfe hanged be , And sure I thinke my losse would be but small , If for a quittance they were hang'd vp all . Of such I am past hope , and they past grace , And hope and grace both pas●s , a wretched case . It may be that for my offences past , God hath vpon me this disturbance cast : If it be so , I thanke his Name therefore , Confessing I deserue ten times much more ; But as the Diuell is author of all ill , So ill for ill , on th' ill , he worketh still ; Himselfe , his seruants , dayly lye and lurk Mans cares on earth , or paines in hell to work . See how the case then with my debters stands , They take the diuels office out on 's hands ; Tormenting me on earth , for passed euils , And for the diuell , doth vex me worse then diuels . In troth 't is pittie , proper men they seeme , And those that know them not , would neuer deeme That one of them would basely seeme to meddle , To be the diuels hangman or his beadle . For shame , for honesty , for both , for either , For my deserts desertlesse , or for neither Discharge your selues from me , you know wherefore , And neuer serue , or helpe the Diuell more . I haue heard some that Lawyers do condem , But I still must , and will speake well of them ; Though neuer in my life , they had of me Clarkes , Counsellers , or yet Atturneys fee , Yet at my backe returne , they all concurr'd And payd me what was due , and ne're demurr'd . Some Counter serieants , when I came agen , ( Against their natures ) dealt like honest men . By wondrous accident perchance one may Grope out a needle in a loade of haye : And though a white crow be exceeding rare , A blind man may ( by fortune ) catch a Hare , So may a serieant haue some honest tricks If too much knauery doth not ouer-mix . Newgate ( the Vniuersity of stealing ) Did deale with me with vpright honest dealing . My debters all ( for ought that I can see ) Will still remaine true debters vnto me ; For if to paying once they should incline , They would not then be debters long of mine , But this reporte I feare , they still will haue , To be true debters euen to their graue . I know there 's many worthy projects done , The which more credit , and more coyne hath won , And 't is a shame for those ( I dare maintaine ) That breake their words , & not requite their paine : I speake to such , if any such their be , If there be none , would there were none for me . Thus all my debters haue increast my tallant , Except the poore , the proud , the base , the Gallant . Those that are dead , or fled , or out of Towne : Such as I know not , nor to them am knowne , Those that will pay ( of which there 's some smal number , And those that smile to put me to this cumber , In all they are eight hundred , and some od , But when they 'le pay me 's onely knowne to God . Some crowns , some pounds , some nobles , some a roial ; Some good , some naught , some worse , most bad in triall . I , like a boy , that shooting with a bow , Hath lost his shaft where weedes and bushes grow ; Who hauing search'd , and rak'd , and scrap'd , & tost To finde his arrow that he late hath lost : At last a crotchet comes into his braine , To stand at his first shooting place againe ; Then shootes , and lets another arrow flie Neare as he thinkes his other shaft may lie : Thus ventring , he perhaps findes both or one , The worst is , if he lose both , he findes none . So I that haue of bookes so many giuen , To this compared Exigent am driuen : To shoote this Pamphlet , and to ease my minde , To lose more yet , or something lost to finde . As many brooks , foords , showers of rain , & springs Vnto the Thames their often tribute brings , These subiects paying , not their stocks decrease , Yet by those payments , Thames doth still increase : So I that haue of debters such a swarme , Good they might do me , and themselues no harme , Inuectiue lines , or words , I write not say To none but those that can , and will not pay : And who so payes with good , or with ill will , Is freed from out the compasse of my quill . They must not take me for a Stupid asse , That I ( vnfeeling ) will let these things passe . If they beare minds to wrong me , let them know I haue a tongue and 〈◊〉 my wrongs to show ; And be he ne're , 〈◊〉〈◊〉 , or neate , or trim , That bids a pissi for me , a 〈◊〉 for him ; To me they ' are rotten trees , with beauteous rhinds Fayre formed caskets of deformed minds . Or like dispersed flocks of scattred sheepe , That will no pasture , or decorum keepe : Some wildely skipping into vnknowne grounds , Stray into forreigne and forbidden bounds , Where some throgh want , some throgh excesse haue got The scab , the worme , the murraine , or the rot . But whilst they wander guidelesse , vncontrolde , I 'le doe my best to bring them to my folde ; And seeing sheepefold hurdles heere are scant , I am inforced to supply that want With rayling ; and therefore mine owne to win , Like rotten forlorne sheepe , I 'le raile them in . FINIS .