A most horrible, terrible, tollerable, termagant satyre most fresh and newly made, and prest in print, and if it bee not lik'd, the Divells in't.

To his friend Iohn Taylor , the ingenious Poeta Aquaticus , and the Author of this most wholesome following Black-mouth'd biting Satire . NOr speach nor silence now a dayes protects Men from the Critticks Bolt , he spyes defect●… ( At least pretends so ) in the thought of man As well as in his actions ; shall I than That have a free-borne spirit balke the way , Because a Dogge barkes , or an Asse doth bray ? Or cause some rash foole , such an one as hee That late revil'd the Prince of Poetry Shall rip up thy beginning , and shall raile And find exceptions out ( Sans head or taile ) Shall this I say deterre me from bestowing An approbation where 't is justly owing ? No , I have read thy Fancies , and desir●… Whilst others censure thee , I may admire How the Castalian Flood should swell so high To drench thy Skull , and raise thy Poesie To such a pitch ; while many a Learned braine Spake onely prose , short of thy weakest straine : Meane while thy Bookes and these salute ●…hee , all Thy friends here doe the like in generall : And this thy harmelesse and just Satire shall Make thee and it ; be lov'd in generall . W. Gainsford

Allandro pasqueto Mallatrumpa entantrino liuroe . Il vento Chioli , Mauritambull Tella fulg●…e , Antro della campo il Danto Cordi sublima Pantatbos , stremo standina eschine vandri Bene in shendo , tercia penthe dissadi . M●…crops , Sans fida vocifera Randa Bavinea , Allatendrea quanto , Eltrada Pizmin●… venta , Mega Pollimunton , Theorba quasie quicunque Triptolina Tiphon , Quabacondono sapho . Terra trag●…us sophye , sunt di●…calcitheo Geata . A vostre Obserdandi Zhean De FA vostre Obserdandi Zhean De Fistye cankie De sallamanca Andalowsia .

Or thus you may English it , in the transcending praise of the Author , and his following Book .

Till Phoebus blustering blasts shall cease to blow , And Aeolus shall hide his radient Raies , Till Vulcans Forge be fram'd of Scithian Snow , And Neptune like a Shepheard spend his dayes ; When Satuane shall sell Mouse-trapps , and allow Mars to sing Madrigalls , and Round-delayes : Then shall thy Booke and thee be out of Date , And scorne the fu●…ry of consuming Fate . To your Worthinesse in all Observance Devoted Iohn Defistie Cankie of Sallamanca in Andalusia .

A most Horrible , Terrible , Tollerable , Termagant Satyre : Most fresh and newly made , and prest in Print , And if it bee not lik'd , the Divells in 't .

1 Satyre . The Proud man . WHat in the World doth true contentment give , That Man should have desire therein to live ? Yet is it not so full of sinfull staines , But he doth make it worse that most complaines . Pride doth for Hamans Honour madly hope , But never minds his Ladder , or his Rope ; So Elephants are mighty Beasts , but when They fall can hardly ever rise agen : And 't is a signe that honour is extorted , And basely got that is with pride supported . That cannot mount men to eternall Blisse , Which cast the Angels thence to Hells Abisse : It is a Fabricke that on Sand is builded , A feigned glory with damnation guilded . Ambition deemes the world not transitory , And Flattery blowes the Bladders of Vaine-glory , Which makes th' ambitious swim to honors brink ; Untill Time pricks their Bladders ; then they sink . By fooles he may be valued at high rate , A Bugbeare , or a Skar-crow in a State , A Mountebanke of Honour , or a Thing , That may in Post-hast to Promotion spring : And may with whimsies milch a Common-wealth And purchase , by his Universall stealth , Gods curse and mans , and more ; he may doe this Be way of Change , or Metamorphosis ; ( need , Turne men to Silke-wormes , forcing them through From out their bowels spin his gawdy weede . Consider this thou new made Mushrom man , Thy Life 's a Blast , a Bubble , and a Span ; And thou with all thy Gorgeous trappings gay , Art but a Mouldring lumpe of guilded Clay . Thy out-side may be Rich , thy inside poor , ( doore Worse than the wretch that beggs from doore to What though thy Coate be richer Stuffe than mine ? And that thy Linnen be more pure and fine ? Or that thy Periwig bee sweetly scented , Most neatly Keam'd , slick'd , curled and indented ? What though I be nine dayes behind the fashio●… Or that my Breech be of the old Translation ? Not to be drawne on with a shooing-horne As Quaile-pipe Breeches are , and wise men scorn What though with points I am not Trust below My small unto my anckle ? ( Oh rare show ) What though that I observant be to thee , And stand before thee bare , with bended Knee ? Will my Hat off , cause thy head cease to ake ? Or my Leg make the Gout thy Limbes forsake ? Or doth not my poore duty puffe thee higher , And swell thy too much hatefull Pride t' aspire ? Then is my manners quite misplac'd , for I Have no mind to commit Idolatry ; Unto a thing that 's out of Reliques made From Drapers , Mercers , and the Silk-mans Trade I 'le bend no Knee , nor shall my Bonnet Wagge , To Velvet Remnant , or a peece of Shagge ; A Plush Plus ultra man in scorne and pride , Such Ioyes , such Popping-joyes my Lines deride : His Tayler made , and shap'd , and trim'd , & trick'd him And ( like a young Beare ) into fashion lick'd him : He put his Corps insuite , and brave Array , And after puts his Bill in 〈◊〉 for pay , Such Things as thos●… Nor will I give For though man Of all the trea●… ●…t hath he not these gifts to man allow'd , ●…at he should be thereby ambititus , proud . ●…ere must be neate distinctions of Superiours 〈◊〉 Habits ; to bee knowne from their inferiours : ●…t hee 's a Cinnick , and a stupid Stoicke ●…at will not Reverence such as are Heroicke ; ●…odnesse with Greatnesse , Merits , Dignity ●…ost gracious gifts of Heavens Benignity ) ●…r Honours due , where Honour doth belong ; ●…d those that yeeld it not their soules doe wrong . ●…d gorgious Garments may be justly worne , ●…t yet not lin'd with pride , contempt , and scorne . ●…od doth hate Pride , the gate of Heaven is low , ●…nd all that enter there must humbly Bow . ●…alew no man for that which hee doth weare , ●…or value any man for what they were : ●…is in-side being good , I care not which , ●…hether his out-side be or poore or Rich ; ●…or Tarquin 't was unkingly , most unfit ●…or him a Rape on Lucrece to commit ; ●…et though the fault were foule , 't is understood ●…was done by lustfull youth , and heate of blood : ●…o doubt , but Tarquin ( in those Heathen Times ) 〈◊〉 th●…t fact 〈◊〉〈◊〉 other crimes ; , ; to Riot , ; But all these Vices were not in him seene , They seem'd in him as if they had not beene : For they ( like Vermin ) all did hide and shrow●… In th' odious Title of Tarquin the Proud . Thus though mans Life to sundry sins is thrall , Prides gaudy Ca●…opy doth hide them all .

2. Satyre . The Avaricious or Covetous Man , and Projector . WHat Title best befits that cursed Wretch , That daily makes his Cheverell Conscienc●… stretch , His mucke unto his Neighbours mucke to joyne , And be a Bawd to his engendring Coyne ; Whose soule to damned Avarice is sold , And ( like an Atheist ) knowes no God ( but Gold ) And pale-fac'd Silver is his Goddesse pure , To gaine whom , he all slavery will endure ; Doe any villany with hand or Braine , ( Provided that the end of it be gaine ) Live like a Rascall , beggerly and bare , Lye downe in sorrow , and rise up in care ; Rake , and racke Tenants to the very Bones , Respecting neither Teares , or sighes , or m●…anes ; And keepe 〈◊〉 House ( as Hunger-starv'd as Hell ) ●…ith whom the Mice and Rats disdaine to dwell ; ●…hose Christmas Dinner ( in a Pipkin drest ) ●…e counts a costly and Voluptuous Feast . ●…t let him be invited once abroad , ●…he tiranizing Wolfe will lay on load 〈◊〉 if he never in his life did eate ; ●…r that he never after should see meat : ●…us often his ung●…ily Guts are cram'd , ●…ot at his owne charge , he will first be dammn'd ; ●…hus Begger'd in his m●…d insatiate ●…e lookes on ●…idas State , forgets his Fate ; ●…e will not weare the Asses Eares in vaine , ●…e once ( perhaps ) may weare a golden Chaine : ●…r if not so , he●…le serape what wealth he can ●…o make his Lack-wit Sonne a Gentleman , ●…or whom ( more Mad than any man of Goatham ) ●…ee'le dive to Tagus Sands , or Hels vast bottom ? ●…ll that he doth possesse he counts it none , ●…is Neighbours State he daily dotes upon ; ●…midst his Masse of Riches hee 's not rich , ●…is Achans Wedge that doth his soule bewitch : ●…hus like a Fiend of Hell he neither cares For Orphans iniuries , or Widdowes teares ; His eares are deafned to their lamentations , His Coffers fill'd with Coyne and execrations ; Himselfe growes old and Gouty , Rhumaticke , Most loathsome Coughing , Wayward , Chollerick , Noysome to all , and stinkes above the ground , Despis'd and slighted like a mangy Hound . His Wife , his Children , Kin , and Family All looke upon him most disdainefully ; ( ratt He coughs , spits , spawles , and in the throat do●… And death and him are in a mortall Battle : His people pitty him , and altogether They wish him dead & gone , they care not whith●… He would say somewhat but he cannot speake , He fumbles with the Sheets , his Eye-strings brea●… Within his mouth he mumbles , champs & chaw●… These 12. next following lines shall shew the ca●… A Mole 's a Mole , whose food is onely Mold , 〈◊〉 And best of mold is but refined gold : God Mammon is of such high Eminence , It makes man love Dame Tellus Excrements , 'T is vices glory , Vertues Laughing stocke , The Misers honour , and true Bounties mocke ; And he that lives a slave , and dyes a Knave , Is most unworthy of a Christian Grave . He hides his wealth , and at his dying day , He in his Dying chopps doth hide the Key ; And in those hidings he is quite bereaven Of Keyes and Lockes , and entrance into Heaven . He dyes and stinkes , and every one is glad , ( Although for fashion sake some must seeme sad : ) He must be buried , and a Banquet spent , Which if hee knew it would his mind torment ; ●…e in his life ne're kept a Feastivall , ●…nd grieves to have one at his Funerall . ●…or ought I know , his Son the head hangs down , ●…A merry living for a mourning Gowne ) ●…hen in the Grave the fragile Corps are put ●…here , till the Refurrection closely shut ; ●…nd on his Monumentall stone , or Tombe , ●…is good Deedes are Insculpt in little roome . Epi●…ph . ●…ere lyes a wight interr'd beneath this Stone , ●…ho w●…s of Age neere fourescore yeares and one●… ●…e with all hidden vertues was possest , And kept them ; for he few or none exprest : ●…n all the time which he did here survive , His holy care was to live long , and thrive ; At last Death strucke him downe , and laid him flat , He dy'd , and gave ●…he poore no man knowes what . ●…he Funerall teares are quickly dry'd and done , And now behold his long Eclipsed Son , From th' obscure Clouds of basenesse rushing forth , To shew his Father left him something worth ; He lets those Angels fly to sight externall , His Dad had long kept darke , like Fiends infernall ; He roares , and Revells , drabs , & drinks and Dices , Weares and sees fashions , & most strange devices ; Marries at last into a Stocke of State , Maintaines her , as befits a Ladies Rate And more ; because her joyes shall full be Crown He buyes a Knight-hood of five hundred pound : Her Ladiship will quickely have a care To be as proud as other Ladies are ; For though of wealth they have the Divell and 〈◊〉 Her pride shall make their Charity so small That she will make her Knight to scrape and gathe●… And keepe a base House like the slave his Father ; That e're a yeare or two be gone and past , A man may sooner breake his Necke then 's fast . And as the Ocean's bounds are largely bounded , So Avarice , is measurelesse unsounded ; The Sea hath many branches , that doe keepe Their Tributary course unto the Deepe ; As fountaines , springs , brooks , make mighty River●… Those Rivers all into the Sea delivers All these disbursments : yet for all the store Th' insatiate Ocean hath no jot the more : So Avarice , though it be still supply'd With aydes , or helpes , like a perpetuall Tyde It swallowes all , and yet , it 's Dropsie thirst Is as unquenchable as 't was at first . And now ( most pertinent ) I will expresse Th' attendance that doe waite on Covetousnesse . Mistake me not , 't is not my ayme or drift T'enveigh 'gainst honest gaine , or Lawfull thrift ; Inhumane Lucre , Spawne of Avarice , Which wretched men esteeme at so high price ; ●…at they ( above all vertues ) seeke and chuse it , ●…d will lose Heaven it selfe before they 'le lose it . ●…ucre is cruell , in an Anagram Which doth expresse the Nature of the same ; 〈◊〉 there be any thing more cruell , then ●…or greedy Lucre , men should Murder men ? Wolves in their Kind amongst themselves agree , ●…or Lucre men each others Bane will bee . ●…here are a swarme of , old Gehezies Tribe , ●…hat for the love of Lucre love a Bribe : ●…wish that they and their posterity , ●…light likewise have Gehezies Leprosie : ●…ites stoope to Carrion , Beasts to grasse & Herbage ●…o will these Mungrells doe to golden Garbage . A Bribe may spin a Suite in Law , so long That he whose cause was right , may have the wrong . A Bribe may have that force and powerfulnesse , To make the greater Theeves hang up the lesse : A Bribe , the Scales of Justice oft hath sway'd , And made a Whore passe currant for a Maid . My Satyre might an endlesse Journey run , To search what villany Bribes hath not done : What mischiefe still it doth , and more would doe , But that the eye of Justice lookes thereto ; Yet many times and oft , I heare it sed , That Justice long agoe to Heaven is fled : And that by her , our faults cannot be seene , So many Clouds are interpos'd betweene : But I would have all vaine surmisers know True Justice sees , and notes what 's done below . No Bribe , that Court of Conscience tollerates , Nor no Bribe-taker enters in those Gates . There comes no Lawyer thither that playes booty , th' oppressors soule 's kept out , all smutch'd & sooty . The fear'd , the flaw'd , corrupt gal'd conscience , Are all eternally exil'd from thence . But as all Trees are Wood , yet every Tree Is not to burne ; some fit for buildings be , For Fruite or Physicke some , and some for shade , For divers uses diversly are made : Yet mens opinion all in this agrees , That they are all in generall call'd Trees . I have heard Broomes cald Beesoms , and I have Heard honest Titles put upon a Knave : Yeast is call'd Barme , or Ryfing , but 't is knowne That Barme , and Yeast , and Ryfing all are one . Even so a Bribe , though it can make a shift To turne the Name unto a friendly gift , A kind Remembrance , or a Courtesie , A Fee , a Present , or Gratuity ; A Thankes , or a Reward , or what you will , Yet 't is a Bribe , if given or taken ill . The sundry Names cannot the Nature alter , The name of Rope's oft put upon the Halter ; Yet hee 's a Blocke , a sencelesse Stocke or Stone , That thinks for naught to have his businesse done ; He may as well expect meat , drinke , & cloathing ; House-rent and Land : & all things else for nothing . If I will have my Lawyer plead for me , 'T is just that he from me should have his Fee ; For be I either Plaintiffe , or Defendant ; And that my cause is difficult , dependant ; If my good Lawyer doe with paines and cares , Free me from out the Lawes entangled Snares , That he , or any other whomsoever Shall doe me good , or use their best endeavour , I would requite them any way I could ; And such Requitalls for no Bribes I hold . 'T is being forc'd to give , or to subscribe Before the businesse done , that makes a Bribe ; But he that for a good turne is ingratefull , I wish him live accurst ; and dye most hatefull . Thus Bribery is a Member of great price , And chiefe supporter unto Avarice . The High-way Theefe that robs by day or night , Doth Covet that which is not his by right . The filching Rogue ( as every where 't is knowne ) Doth Pilfering covet , what is not his owne ; The Gamesters that play deepely , soone or late , Are covetous to win each others state . The perjur'd Slave is courteous , for he Will pawne his Eares unto the Pillory ; And purposely ( anothers goods to gaine ) Hazzard his soule to everlasting paine . The Cheater , Pickpocket , and Cut-purse Knave , Are covetous anothers Coyne to have ; Nick Froth the Tapster with his curtall Kan Most courteous courteous Cheates every man , False Weights or measures , be they great or small Are Avarices Slaves , and Servants all . Mounsieur Projector Monopollitan A Well compos'd , ill dispos'd Gentleman ; That for his good deservings , night and day Is pray'd for oft , ( the cleane contrary way ) The Sea of Avarice is his maine Ocean ( motion , Through which he swims , and struggles for Pro - Which being long in gaining soone is lost , Upon the waves of Envy heav'd and toss'd . The winds of sighes and curses raise a storme , ( And in the conscience lyes a gnawing Worme ) That hurles him too and fro , from place to place ; ( That he can scarcely at his meate say Grace ) He splits upon the Rocke of scorne and spight , And just disgraces Quick-sands sinke him quite . Thus have I shew'd that covetousnesse is The very Roote of all that is amisse ; All men , ( as men ) are subject to offending , My Satyre bites such , as are quite past mending . May not that man be justly call'd a foole That thinkes to make good March-pan of a stoole , Or of a Sowes eare frame a Velvet purse , Or of a She-Beare make a good meltch Nurse , Drinke Aquofortis , and sustaine no harme , Or take the Towne of Dunkirk with a Charme : The way to doe all these I 'le sooner find , Then satisfie an Avaricious mind ; A hungry Iade the World can never fill , Still feeds , still leaves , still empty , hungry still ; And so I wish all men away to beat him , Or knocke his brains quite out & let dogs eat him : But he that willingly will entertaine him , I wish an old house may fall down and braine him .

3. Satyre . The bragging Rogue . ANother Coxe-combe boasts of ex'lent parts , How he hath practis'd Arms , & studdied Arts ; His Travells to write downe would Volumes fill , Beyond our famous Sir John Mandivill : And to his reputation 't were a blot , To put him in the ranke of Don Quixot . He past the Zones , Phrygia , and Torrida , Surveigh'd the South World , call'd Incognita , And there he saw Great Gorgons empty Scull So bigge , foure Bushels scarce could fill it full . At Stamboloya , ( a most stately Port , ) Where the Emperor great Robombo keeps his Court : There in a Shamaranguah , ( which we call A Chappell ) was a building round and tall , Where as the huge Gargantuas corps were laid , The-Tombe is full a Furlongs length 't is said ; Built of a polisht stone like Crimson jet , ( Surpassing farre the Tombe of Mahomet ) Enchac'd with precious Stones that dims the sight That none can looke on 't , it doth shine so bright . From thence he past the streights of Magellan , And feasted was by mighty Pouhatan , Where 'mongst a world of dainties to be briefe , A Phaenix stew'd in white-broath was the chiefe . Tut , it will tire a man to heare him halfe He hath seene Miloes Bull , and Walthams Calfe ; The Monmouth Cap of famous Owen Glendor , And three eye teeth of th' ancient witch of Endor : Ischartots Lanthorne , at Saint Dennisis , Th' Ephesian Dian , at the Louure is : The Amphitheater that 's at Ulismos , The Pirramids of Aegypt , or the Isthmos That parts Utopia from faire Thessaly , Or lofty Atlas that doth prop the sky . If all be true he sayes , we may him call The God of Warrs Lieutenant Generall : No Turke , or Tartar , Moore , or Mirmidon Such valient exploits hath under-gone : He learn'd Wars Horne-booke first , & did not stint But past his Grammer Rules was perfect in 't ; He first began with Trayning , Mustring , Drilling , Before he came to fighting , or to killing ; To March , to put his men in Files , and Rankes , To order a Batalia , wings , or Flankes , To lead the Vaunt-guard , or bring up the Reare , To be here , there , ( and almost every where ) To guide and mannage men , and make them stout , Double your Rankes and Files , faces about : He serv'd the Turke nine yeares , a Renegado , Where oftentimes he felt the Bastinado ; And though he wore a Coate of Bare-freezado , Yet there he learn'd the Art of a Soldado , 'T affront an Enemy with a Brav●…ado , To make a Battery , and to use Sealado ; To use Petards , Engines , Wild-fire , Granado , ' Tintrappe the Foe by secret Ambuscado ; To Raise , Mount , Parrapet , or Camisado , To make a strength more strong with Canvasado ; With his good Sword to use the Imbrocado ; The Punto , the Roverso , the Stockado : And for Land Service , or the Sea Armado , He knowes a roll of Match from Trividado . His Musick , drums , Guns , Cannons , thundring rore , As if the Welkin were in torters tore ; The Harquebuz and Muskets goe pit pat , Towers , Castles , Forts , and Ciradells laid flat ; Mines , Counter-mines , Assaults , Repulses , Sallies , Whilst Horse and men shine strow the Field●… and Battalias , battries , breaches , armies , arms , ( vallies Broyles , Garboy les , hot encounters , fierce Allarm●… : Fortifications , Camps , Redoubts , and Trenches , Va●…dres , and Counter-mutes , walls , sconses , fences , On-set●… and On-slaughts he hath beene upon , He blow up Tauris , conquer'd Babilon : He stood Pordu●… beneath the frozen Zone Turn'd to a man of Ice , or Christall Stone . The same day Mars his valour did inspire And thaw'd him brave , with Sulphur , smoak , & fire . He in the Battell seem'd a man all flame , In smould ring Powder , he that day o're came The Tartar Chrim , and neare to Samere and , He with Mackougly Shangh , fought hand to hand . The Leaguers , and the Sieges hee hath seene , The dread full dangers where he oft hath beene ; He hath daunc'd Antiques in a Crimson Flood , And swom Lev●…aes in a sea of blood : In greatest perrills he would bravely on , ( geton , His throate belch'd fogge , and flames like Phle - Thus Sallamander like , he oft hath beene In scorching flashes , and three winters in An Icye coate , like Armour shining bright He sorv'd the Pole , against the Moscovite . He hath laine downe to sleepe a Man , in show , And rose a Snow-ball , or a Ball of Snow : Like the Ca●…lion ( not to food inclin'd ) He liv'd by sucking the cold Northerne Wind , ●…ain'd by the blast of Fame , that swiftly flyes , Compounding and confounding truth with lyes . He hath 〈◊〉 Blade , ( if his report be true ) Wherewith he sixteene desperate Corporalls flew ; And eight Leiuetenants he out-right hath kill'd , Foure valiant Serjants he hath slaine in Field : Two Noble Captaines and one Generall , His fury , force perforce did force to fall . Blades broake , & batter'd Hilts , he hath had more Then any Castle can containe the store ; He had a Rapier , sharpe , pure Castilliano , With which he gor'd and kill'd a great Umbrano , For guided with an Arme and courage fierce , It quite through double Cannon proofe will peirce . Hee 'le Guard himselfe from any Bullets fall , His Sword 's his Racket , and the shot the Ball , Which though it swiftly come , he 's so quick-ey'd That with his Morglay he would turne't aside : With the same Bilbo , once he madly strikes And crop'd the toppes off , from a Grove of Pikes : Thus fighting oft in Winter , and in Summer , He had more wounds than holes are in a Scummer . A thousand blowes and bruises , knocks , & cuts He hath receiv'd ; eight times shot through the guts : He was in Leagure late before Breda . Associate with the Marquesse Spinola : And being in a Boate upon the water , A Musket shot run through his Piamater , It peirc'd his Perricranion , that his braine Was taken out and wash'd , put in againe . Yet all these wounds , and all his desperate matches , He calls them petty hurts , or simple scratches : He was so mawl'd once at Berghen ap Zone , Boyes call'd him Raw-head there , and Bloody-bone . From thence he tooke his Iourney into Flanders , And so to England where he cants and maunders ; Where though he be not now the man he was . For an old beaten Souldier he may passe .

4. Satyre . The Mountebanke , or Quacksalver . SIgneur Gonsalvo , come from Naples late , Hath in the Curcumclusion of his Pate Ingrost all Learning , and can teach the way To speake all Tongues ; ( excepting truth ) they say ; There 's not a Pissing-post but weares a Bill , That doth Proclaime his admirable skill . In Grammer , Logicke , and in Rhetoricke , Musicke , Geometry , Arithmeticke ; Bright Star surmounting rare Astronomy , Life-saving Physicke , starving Poetry : Invisible Gold Creating Alchimie Extracting , and distracting Chimistrie : These Arts perfection are exceeding rare , And are ( me thinks ) too much for one mans share : But yet this Mountebanke hath often swore That he is perfect in all these , and more . I will say nothing that may him deprave , But I will thinke he is a cheating Knave . Grammer's the ground of Speech , though all men Without it ; 't is rude , simple harsh , & weak : ( speake For though all speake by Nature , I can tell By rules of Grammers Art , men may speake well : Logick's a Speech , that seemes by disagreeing To make things be , or not be in their being ; To whet mens wits , to try and tosse conclusions , And learnedly to reconcile confusions . Rhetoriq●…e , I call th' Embroyderick , or the Varnish , That doth ( with Eloquence ) a Language Garnish : It decks speech , with stile , phrase , and illustration , And method ; and is Crown'd with Admiration . Arithmatique can shew by Numeration , How many Minuits past since the Creation : And how by finite Numbers , and by Fractions , Allusions may be made to all our Actions . Astronomie doth search the Pl●…nnets courses , Their Influences , their Aspects , and forces ; The revolutions of Time , Dayes , and yeares , And how the Sun and Moone passe their Car●…ires . Geometry shewes , squares , rounds , eranes & sinnes , Miles , engines , ovalls , quadrats , trappes , and grins ; The Sea-mans Compasse , Clocke and Dyalls , all Houses , and Shippes built Geometricall . Musicke consists of Ayres , of Sounds , of Voyces , Of Time , space , measure , which the heart rejoyces : Of Concord , Discord , Unity , Division , Which none but Affes hold in base derision . Physicke doth labour , study , search , and try The hidden secrets of Philosophy And every simple , for mans preservation ; The learn'd Physitians know their operation . But Poetry must know much more than these , It scales the Skies , it dives into the Seas , 'T is fire , earth ; water , aire ; 'T is sicknesse , health Probatum est : 'T is any thing but wealth . And Mounsieur Quack-salver , I tell thee plaine Thou lyest , to say these Arts are in thy braine . Thou hast perhaps the Theory of prating , And Iesuitticall Equivocating : But for the Practique , thou as much dost know , As he that said that Corne on Trees doth grow : What madnesse hath possest our Nation here , That take delight to buy their deaths so deare : Can not our Doctors we in England have , Send us as cheape as Strangers to our Grave : Or doe not our Physitians well deserne To kill men , but they must French-men learne , Of Germanes , or Italians , oh base , And insupportable most vile disgrace : I dare presume that we know every way To helpe , hurt , kill or cure as well as they . But al things strange are rare , al 's good that 's deere I muse we have no forreigne Hang-men here . 'T is miserable comfort , poore reliefe , More danger 's in the Physicke than the griefe : Diseases oft are of such strange conditions They kill not , if not help'd by strange Physitions . Like Conjurers , they give their Pagan drugs , The fearefull name of the infernall Bugs : A Bitter Divell , Collaquintida , A Stinking Divell , Arsefetita ; A Pockey Divell , call'd Zarsaperilla , A mortall for the Morbus Gallica : Elaphoboscon , bane Cantharides , Aureum Pomona , of th' Hesperides . With these ( or such like Bug-beare words as these ) They 'le fright a sound man into a disease , And often put a sicke man in such fits , That he falls quite besides his little wits . But leaving such impostures as these be , The scorne of Physicke , and Chyrurgery , A swarme of Vipers , of so vile desert , So empty of experience , wit , and Art , That all their learn'd and over-boasted skills , Th' affore said posts doe weare in Printed Bills . And when unto the World it doth appeare , They can doe halfe the Cures they promise there ; I for my writing will Repent , and mourne , And beg forgivenesse ; and my Satyre burne .

5. Satyre . The Alchimist NOw shall my flagging Muse a while persist , And blaze the Honour of the Alchimist ; Fire , Water , Aire , Earth , to us presents , The Names and Natures of foure Elements : But Alchimy ( prepoiterously ) doth strive To Multiply those Elements to five : From Ioves and Mercuries quicke influence , The Alcimist will draw a Quintessence ; With which extraction he a Stone will mould , That shall turne Tin , Brasse , Steele , & Lead , to gold . He doth professe that Stone shall lengthen health , Prolong our lives , give us aboundant wealth : But divers wealthy men his skill have try'd , And as they fooles did live , they Beggers dy'd . Could he helpe others he would helpe himselfe , To that impossible ne're purchast pelfe ; For commonly he 's in a greasie Coate , Old Hat and Boots , and cannot change a Groat : Yet promiseth with more gold to possesse us , Than Romane Cressus had , or Lidian Cressus . But yet from these his golden hopes to feed , He borrowes mony still to serve his need : He daily tries new-found experiments , Soape , Stibium , Salt , and such ingredients As is Argentum vive ; Ordure , Urin , Coales , Crusibles , Lead , Allom , poysonous Vermin , For he hath Guelded all the Philosophers , And with their onely Stone hee 'le fill our Coffers . The Ridling and sophisticated Names Are most mysterious Dog-tricks , or May-games ; For when the Furnace , or the Crusible , Begins to worke , or seeme conducible , He calls it the Greene Lyon , and anon , As soone as that first foame is Presto , gone ; Then bubbles up the Fleeing Heart apace , To whom the Fleeing Eagle straight gives Chase : Next Master Alchimist puts in his Toole , And then amaine huffs up the Dauncing Foole. The Dragons Tayle mounts next in Fog and froath , And next the swolne Toade , in a Bumble-broath : Last comes the Crowes head , ( ugly blacke to see ) . More blacke ten times than any blacke can be . Then mounts the fume unto the Azure Skye , And straight drops downe the Seale of Mercury ; And presently the golden worke is done , ( Almost as neare as when 't was first begun ) For then the Stone invisibly doth fall , Which ( if he could but see ) would make us all . But least we chance to see it and not know it , What private markes it beares I le plainely shew it ; The substance of it is nor Fire , nor Water , Nor Earth , or Aire , nor Elementall matter ; It hath no shape or collour , nor is fram'd Like any thing that is unnam'd , or nam'd : 'T is neither light , or heavy , soft , nor hard , Nor sharpe , or blunt , flat , ovall , round , or squar'd : It is not sweet , nor doth it stinke out-right , 'T is not unpleasing , yet gives no delight . This is the Stone which many men desire , And he that finds it shall have for his hire Twelve Hogs-heads fill'd ; and 24. Buckets , Of Peices , Royalls , Nobles , and of Duckets : Thus to its owne and unknowne worth alone , I leave this Sterrill ( Gold begetting ) Stone .

6. Satyre . The Hypocrite . ANd now my Muse hath got an appetite , To touch a little of the Hypocrite ; But let not any Reader thinke that I The name of knowing Zeale doe villifie : For these my lines shall not touch any man , That ( wrong ) doth beare the Náme of Puritan ; No doubt , but many people well affected , ( Are with that Ieering Title much dejected ) Who will not sweare or lye presumptuously , And when they erre , they erre unwillingly ; Who would be just in all they doe or say , And know the Sunday from a common Day ; Who are conformable to Church and State , And have no minds to change or innovate : Who in their Callings labour , and take paine , And will doe no man wrong for earthly gaine : Who doe ( for Conscience sake ) obey command , And deale no further then they understand ; Whose faiths are known by workes , & doing good , Such men are of a blessed Brother-hood . Some such there are , whose number is too small , And happy were all men to be so all . For when the Ruffian , or prophane wretch sweares Abusing God and man , with scoffes and Ieeres If one that 's Civill mildly doe reprove them , The Divell their Tutor presently doth move them To be in Choller ; straight to sweare and ban , And call an honest man a Puritan : And thus some Rascalls hold no man in price , Except he be excusive given to vice ; But those I meane are such , whose holy fits , Approves them to be haire-brain'd Hypocrits : Who with a heav'd up hand , and white of eye Will doe a man a mischiefe zealously : They 'le pray for Pardons for sins done and past , Praise temperance , yet will sooner hang than fast ; And on Religious points will stand most stoutly , And in conclusion cozen men devoutly . Their best Opinions are like Weather-cockes , Their wits are vapours , and their heads are blocks ; Their Braines are puft , & stuft with windy bubbles , Their Concord's discord , & their peace is troubles . Caine Sacrific'd , and Iesabell did fast , Prince Absolom some silly fooles embrac'd ; So Iudas kist , when as to kill he meant , So Pilate wash'd , yet was corruptly bent : So Annanias brought his faigned gift , So Sathan alledg'd Scripture for a shift . These were all Hypocrites , and so are they That wrest , to serve God the contrary way . For many a soule ( by them prevented ) wanders In misty Laborinths , and crook'd Meanders : One would have this , and th' other would have that And most of them would have they know not what For were we bound unto their approbation , We should have a mad fashion'd Congregation . Nor doe I thinke it meete the Church should crave Their wisedoms counsell , what is fit to have , Their long Tantologie , extemporary prating , Their babling repetitions , oft repeating , Are but meere froath , without Pith , weake , ungrounded , And these have many a Conscience prick'd , and wounded ; For they will turne a Wind-mill to a Cow , And of a rotten Cloake-bag make a Plow . Ixion , so his time in vaine did wast , When ( stead of Iuno ) he a Cloud embrac'd ; Upon which Cloud the Centaures be begot , And such strange Monsters breeds their zeale so hot : Or like the fellow in a Moone-shine Night , Saw in a Pond or Poole , her likenesse bright ; And Riding in to give his Mare some drinke , The Moone behind a Coale-black cloud did shrink : He ( being drunke ) began to storme and stare , And swore the Moone was swallow'd by his Mare . Such are their reall Arguments , and such Are all their points wherein they stand so much : They most dispute whereas their cheere is b●…st , And ( in Plum-broath ) they Church & State detest : Of sacred Scriptures ( bet wixt every bit ) They Coyne interpretations with their wit ; These seperatists , the Alchimists would play , And turne our golden peace to Drosse or Clay . 'T is not their Organizing in the Nose , Their hate to Verse , or love to tedious Prose : Their seorne , like dust that 's cast against the Wind , Which in their blind eyes fals & makes more blind For Envy 's like an Arrow shot upright , Which on the Shooters heads with danger light . Thus they by Owle-light still doe misse the marke , And like poore Currs against the Moone they barke : For sure small credit to that man belongs That can be wrong'd , with bablers Pens or tongues . Awake my Muse , shake off this filthy scum , These dreggs , who altogether are a summe Of many Simples and ingredients ; Of innovating disobedience . I wish them all with holinesse endow'd , To be more knowing zealous , and lesse proud : And as for their good sakes these lines are pend , I leave them either to amend or end .

7. Satyre . The Whoore. I le tell thee who 's a Whoore ; that thing 's a Whoore Which whilst men most embrace they most abhorre , PRiz'd in the heate of Blood , at costly rate , A Dish we feed on , surfet , and then hate : They Trafficke for diseases , wast their youth In woefull Riot ; without wit , or truth . They sell their soules an heritage to win , An Heritage in Hell , deare bought with sin : Put case they compasse age ; what 's their reward ? Th' are old , poore , scorn'd , & beg without regard . They would repent them , then know not the way ; Such are all Whoores , who wilfully doe stray : There hath bin Whoors much honour'd , Whoores of State ; Who bought Damnation at a deare , deare rate : And 't is a difference , which offendeth more , Either a Coached , or a Carted Whoore ? ●…omprous whore may rustle some small time ; ●…t State and Pompe extenuates no Crime .

8. Satyre . Of degenerate Honour . HOnour is not compil'd in Ranke , or File , Or Measure , for no man hath reacht that Stile But by supernall favour ; and from thence True Honour hath it's onely influence : For S●…rdanapulus was mighty once , Yet by Voluptious frailty was a Dunce : Then what an Asse is he that hath a State Either by his Inheritance , or Fate , And squanders it , and dribbles it away , To be his Honours and his House decay : He that would be a Gentleman compleat , Should every way seeke to be good as great ; And he that is not so , himselfe doth plunge , And is the curse of man , and Satans spunge : Of Fatterers he may have a mighty shole , And in the World may boare a mighty hole ; And when he sinkes into that hole he bore●… , He dyes unpittied ; no man him deplores . God is true Honour-giver , and will still Defend it with his Eviternall Will. And let the sacred Sisters all fore-fend , That any word should from my Muse be pend That may be tooke a misse ; for I perswade My selfe , that none will kick , except a Jade : I know I play the foole in every line , But no wise man will set his wit to mine ; Nor let a Scholler to a Sculler be An opposite , though different in Degree ; For though I touch'd at damned pride before , Perhaps I should be proud if I had more . I blame the man that 's covetous , but why ? Because I want his precious Treasury . I jeere the Quack-salver , and Mountebanke , Alas I cannot reach unto their Ranke . I scoffe the maund ring Knave , and Alchimist , Yet I ( perhaps ) would faine doe what I list . I mocke the Hypocrite , yet I confesse I ( Hypocrittically ) still transgresse : And I am stark naught , so that Tongue nor Pen , Can make me better than the worst of men .

FINIS .