A shilling or, The trauailes of twelue-pence

THE TRAVELS OF Twelue-pence . Imagine Reader ( to his griefe and glory , No man da●● confesse h●● whole life● actions , as twelue-pen●● doth . Twelue-pence himselfe declares his wand'ring story : Relating how he first was borne and bred , And how about the world he Trauailed . IF any one ( as I dare boldly dare ) * * Where the best metta●● doe grow , Earth is n●● barren , wh●● is an Emb●● that they t●● hoord or h●● money , barren of fruits of go●●ness . His Birth , his Breeding , and his Life declare : Let him appeare , & I dare lay my neck He wil be hang'd , or else deserue a check . From vast America's rude barbarous bounds , From rocky barren soyle , and sterrill grounds , Where men did not their great Creator know , And where the Devil 's the God to whom they bow , There from my Heathen Dam , or mother Earth With paines and trauaile , I at first had birth . A hundred strong men-midwiues , digg'd their way Into her bowels , to finde where I lay With Engines , Spades , Crowes , Mattocks , and such matters , They ripp'd & tore her harmlesse wombe to tatters , And but they did within the mid-way catch me , They would haue dig'd to Hell it selfe to fetch me . At last they found me , mixt with dirt and drosse , Corruption vnrefin'd , eclipst my Glosse , And from the Earth I in the fire was tride , And into Ingots purg'd and purifide . From * * Purchase . Paphlagonia , some my birth doe count , Neere Sandracurgium , a most famous Mount , And that poore Slaues which were condemn'd to dye , Were forc'd to digge for me laboriously , Whereas the dampish Mines infecting ayre Kill'd the poore wretches , and so eas'd their care . Some say that * * Polidore Virgil. Me●●es might ●e the first ●●uenter of ●oyne in E●●pt , yet not ●f a Twelue-pence , but I ●●inke money ●as in ●●ains time , I am sure ●●at Abra●am bought ● field for bu●●all with ●oney . Menes , an Egiptian King , Me to the shape of Coyne , at first did bring : But when they saw that people , greedily For me did runne into all villany , The Priests did curse the King , that first inuented Me , that so many wayes their mindes tormented . For till they knew me , they affirmed true , No Enuie , Pride , or Auarice they knew . Thus with great labour , and the death of men I first was borne , and afterwards agen He that to Money did conuert me first , Was by the Priests and People , bann'd and curst . With blood and curses I at first began , And euer since haue beene a curse to man . Yet for me some excuses may be showne The name of Twelue-pence , was as then not knowne , Diuersity of Coynes o're all the world Were scatter'd vniuersally , and hurld , In Courts , in Citties , and in warlike Campes E're I was made , they all vs'd other stamps . There were some Sicles , some Meruiades , * * A small piece of Sp●●nish Coyne●● sixe of them to an Engli●● penny . An As , a Drachma , a Sesterties , Quadrins , Sextanes , Minaes , ( it appeares ) Didrachmaes , and Sportullas , and Denieres . My name at first did from the Romanes come , ( As Cooper sayes ) they call'd me Sollidum , Or from a Souldier it was named thus , ( As 't were his daily wages ) Sollidus . For though the Times are subject to mutation , Yet from Soldatus I haue nomination : Thus Twelue-pence hath an ancient Warriour bin , Although men know not when I did begin . And by experience all the world can tell , Soldatus doth loue Sollidus so well , That alwayes euery Souldier is vnwilling , Long to be kept asunder from a Shilling , If he doe want me , a moneth , two , * * Souldiers ●●●●ng t●eir 〈◊〉〈◊〉〈◊〉 will to 〈◊〉 or three , Hee 'll grumble , and goe neere to Mutinie , He hath no minde to draw his sword and fight , But ( discontented ) bids the warres good-night , When let but Sollidus come to his hand , Hee 'll fight as long as he can goe or stand , Regarding nor remembring child or wife , Hee 'll hazard and endanger limb and life : And thus by way of argument 't is pend , A Shilling is a Souldiers loued friend . A Shilling's much more auntient then a pound , And in pronouncing giues a better sound : As for example ; which is most mouth-filling Of fifty pounds , or of a thousand shilling , A thousand pounds , may make the accent rore , But twenty thousand shillings soundeth more . Thus of two sillables , I am compacted , When into one the pounds are all extracted . The Germane Dollors are my Iuniors farre , So are the Copesticks of the Brabander . The Spanish Royall , piece of foure and eight , On me for my antiquity may waite : The Floren , Guelder , and French Cardecus To me are vpstarts , if Records be true , The Grosh , * * A brasse piece of Bohemians coyn● twelue of them to a penny . Potchandle , Stiuer , Doyte , and Sowse Compar'd with me , are all scarce worth a Lowse : Nor can the Atcheson or the Baubee For my antiquity compare with me . The halfe Crowne is on horseback mounted hie , Yet neuer trauail'd halfe so farre as I ; The Scottish Mark 's a dang'rous piece of Coyne , 'T is iust a hanging price , if one purloyne , There 's no such hazard in the stealing mee , I am three halfe-pence lower in degree . And as in pence I for a Iury stand , I haue eleuen Coynes vnder my command : And ( to grace all the rest ) my proper selfe , Like a Graund Iury-man make vp the Twelfe . The Anatomy of twelue-pence or a shilling . But for men shall not thinke I bragge or prate , Those whom I doe command I 'le nominate . Nine pence ( three quarters ) with his Harpe befriends me , And sixe pence with halfe seruice still attends me , The foure pence halfe-penny next comes fidling on , The Groat my third part doth depend vpon : The three-pence is a quarter wayter still , The two pence in sixe parts attends my will , Three halfe-pence stoopes to my commanding sway , And eight of them at once doth me obay : The single pence are all my little Cozens , And doe attend my seruice by the dozens . Three farthings by sixteenes attend in plenty , And halfe-pence to the summe of foure and twenty , And last ( for Pages ) on my State doth waite , Of dapper farthing Tokens forty eight . But ere I did attaine my shape and forme , I'abid the brunt of many a furious storme ; For this the world I would haue well to wot , Mine honour was with paines and danger got . I past the raging Seas and flaming fire , And gain'd a Face and Crosse for all my hire : It would almost dissolue a heart of flint , To be so vs'd as I was in the Mint : The paines of Purgatory cannot be But fictions to those things that fell on me . For what I did endure , had man but felt , It had ( like Kitchinstuffe ) haue made him melt . Then my Tormentors , all at once agrees From my great heat , to let me coole or freeze , And dead and cold , me then againe they martir'd , Me all in pieces they be cut and quartir'd , Weighing the mangled mammocks Fiue Shillings weigh●● an ounce . , they pronounce That fiue of me in weight should be an ounce . Then to the Anuile was I brought in hast , Whereas with Hammers they did me bumbast , And there they neuer left belab'ring mee , Vntill they brought me to the shape you see . Thus I mine honour , and my forme did win , Through many dreadfull dangers I was in . And though there scarce doth memory remaine , What I was e're the sixt King Edwards raigne , Yet long before his time I was in value , As read in good true written Stories shall you . My stamp ( when Rome did keepe the world in awe ) Was foure swift Steedes that did a Chariot draw , Which figur'd , that I too and fro should runne An endlesse Iourney that would nere be done . I am made endlesse , round , which doth portend , Till the world end , my Iourney ne're shall end . And men may plainely in my roundnesse see , An Emblem of the worlds rotundity . Round is the Globe , round is the Hemisphere , Round runs the Moon and Sun , each month and yeere ; Round ran the Empire from th' Assirian Kings , Round vnto Persia , Greece , and Rome it flings , Round to great Britaine , it is come I know , Whence ( hem'd round with the Sea ) it cannot goe . But the maine cause that makes it stay and stand , Is where 't is guarded by th' Almighties hand . Round from the North to East , to South and West , All Arts haue still ranne round 't is manifest . The Iewes , th' Egiptians , Calates , Persians , Deuis'd Arts , and were Astrologians , And true experience doth approue it thus , Their knowledge is runne round from them to vs . The age of man goes round , a child at first , And like a child returnes vnto his dust . His body and his limbs , his eyes , his head , All in round formes are made and fashioned , The roots , the fruits , the flowers , and the Trees , All in a round conformity agrees , Our drinking healths run round , with nimble quicknes Vntill at last to many healths brings sicknes : When store of money to mens hands doe come , They say they haue receiu'd a good round summe ; And when a man doth take a Knaue vp soundly , 'T is said he told him of his faults most roundly . The Hang-man hangs a Traytor , or a Thiefe , And is about his businesse round , and briefe , Round are the dishes where we put our meate , Our Cups , wherein we drinke , are round compleat : Round is our Butter , round our Cheeses are , Round are the cloathes which on our backs we weare , Beasts , fowles and fish , that euery where abound , Are ( for the most part ) euery where made round . Round are all wedding Rings , implying still , Mens cares runne round , like horses in a Mill. Thus hauing plainely shew'd , why , and wherefore I am made round , now to my taske once more . About my circle , I a Poesie haue , The Title , God vnto the King first gaue . * * In Engli●● I haue put ●● placed ) G●● my helpe●● The circle that encompasseth my face , Declares my Soueraignes Title , by Gods grace , Vpon my other side is , * * Annagra●● of the Lat●● Motto of Posui pla●●●into Englis● words , W●●dom adm●● me Power POSVI DEVM , Whereto is added ADIVTOREM MEVM . The which last Poesie Annagrammatiz'd , Wisedome , admit me power , true compriz'd , Wisedome at first vpon me did bestowe Such power that for a Shilling I should goe , When Wisedome gaue me power , I was then A seruant , not a Master vnto men . Now , Power * * The Annagram turn'd ●●ckward , ●isedome ●●●es behind ●●●ey . makes me Wisedome force perforce Improper , like the Cart before the Horse . For in this Age , so many friends I finde , My power 's before , and Wisedome comes behinde . He that for me and for my kin can rake Is wise , ( although a Coxcomb ) for my sake , He that wants me , shall be esteem'd an Asse , Although he be as wise as e're man was . For there 's such league , one in Triplicity Sworne firme betwixt the Deuill , the world , and I , That those who to the one true seruants bee , Are captiue bondslaues vnto all the three , Great sway vpon the earth to vs is giuen , For well we know we ne're shall come in heau'n , And all that in vs take delight and mirth , Their onely heau'n is here vpon the earth . And couetous they are not , in this case , Because they couet for no better place ; So much for that : now to my shape againe , You see my face is beardlesse , smooth and plaine , Because my Soueraigne * * King Edw. a●s crowned 〈◊〉 nine yeares 〈◊〉 a●● and ●●ed before 〈◊〉 was 6. was a child , 't is knowne When as he did put on the English Crowne . But had my stamp beene bearded , as with haire , Long before this is had beene worne out bare ; For why with me the vnthrifts euery day , With my face downewards do at shoue-boord * * Edw. shillings for t●● most part are used a● shooue-bor●● play , That had I had a beard , you my suppose Th 'had worne it off , as they haue done my nose . Yet doth my bare face sometimes , now and than Make a young beardlesse Boy , outface a man , For any Boy and I , doe both agree , To outface any man that doth want me . A crosse * * Vpon t●● Crosse of a Twelue-pence . I beare vpon my other side , ( A glorious figure of true Christian pride ) And with that crosse I any man can crosse From wrong to iniury , from harme to losse , And in me is such working powerfulnesse , That those that haue me , and both crosse and * * Heere I meane ge●●ally of m●ney , and simply of twelue p●● blesse . The English , and French Armes , the Lyons & flowres Shewes Fraunce a subiect once to Englands powres , And when my Master did respire his breath , His sisters Mary , and Elizabeth Ordain'd new Twelue-pences with me to ioyne , But altred not my badge vpon my Coyne , Except a little which King Philip did , Which Queene Elizabeth did soone forbid . But since the comming of my Soueraigne Iames , The Badge vpon my * * K. Ed●● Q. Mar● Qu. E●● & K 〈◊〉 all their ●●●lings of weight 〈◊〉 and before my 〈◊〉 - pence back more worth proclaimes . And to mixe state with truth , truth with delight . Vpon the armes I carie , thus I write . Vpon the Kings Armes . THree Lyons Passant ( borne by former Kings ) Subdues the * * 〈…〉 Harp , quarters the * * 〈…〉 flowers of * * 〈…〉 France Fourth Lyon Rampant , equall honour brings , Though hauing power to warre doth peace aduance , Vnited in great Iames this Royall stile , King of great Britaine , Fraunce , and Irelands Ile . Thus Readers , hauing printed for your reading , My birth , my rising , my estate , and breeding : My Badge , my face , my Crosse , my Annagram . How mighty in my great command I am , Now will I tell some trauels I haue had , And humors of my Masters , good and bad , Some ( as I can remember ) I 'le recite ) Should I name all , 't were almost infinite . ONE ask'd the Cinnick wise Athenian , ●iogenes The cause why siluer look'd so pale and wan : He , in reply was quick , and answer'd straite , Because so many for it lay in waite , And did men thinke in what diuersity Of fashions men for me in waite doe lye , They would agree together in a tale , Twelue●●● is at ●●●● . That I had reason to looke wan and pale . I haue of Treason , bin made Instrument To betray Kingdomes , and to circumuent , To vndermine , and to subuert the states Of Empires , and of mighty Potentates . I haue caus'd murder , cruell Homicide , Foule Fratricide , vnnaturall Paricide . For which a curse doth vnto me remaine A Runnagate , and Vagabond like Caine . And though that God , in thund'ring Maiestie For bad man to haue any Gods but he , Yet many thousands that commaund forget , Not minding God , their mindes on me * * On mon●● they set . To purchase me , men haue forsworne and sworne , And from the Booke of life their names haue torne . For me the Sabaoth is prophan'd with workes Of Christians labours , worse then Iewes or Turkes , For me those Parents that haue nurst and bred Their Children , by them are dishonoured , For to haue me ( to endlesse ioy or woe ) Some children care not where their Fathers goe . I with the deu'ls sole helpe ( my sole partaker ) Haue bin an vniuersall Cuckold-maker : For where nor wit , or beauty could come in In any shape I could admittance win . I make the Husband sometimes keepe the dore , The whil'st for me ) his wife doth play the whore . And many times ( to moue all hell to laughter ) I made a Mother Bawde vnto her daughter . I forc'd a Virgine , cast off continence And Chastity , and put on Impudence . I made a reuerend Iudge to take a Bribe , I made a Scribe a forged Name subscribe , I caus'd a Miser sell his soule to hell , Because I here on Earth with him should dwell , And eighteene yeares he kept me day and night Lock'd in a Chest , not seeing any light . And though my lot was thus a Slaue to be , Yet was he a farre worser Slaue to me ; For he had vow'd himselfe to death to pine , Rather then spend one penny pot of wine , Although he late had swallow'd downe his throat , Stinking fresh Herrings threescore for a Groat . And he did bide this slauish misery , On purpose to debarre my liberty . At last this poore rich , base penurious Knaue , Was borne ( the way of all flesh ) to his Graue : And his braue heire , vpon his backe had got A mourning merry sute , long look'd I wote , He the next day let flie the ill got treasure , And I began to see some worldly pleasure ; From my old Masters Chest , I was assum'd To my young Masters Pockets , sweet perfum'd , ‛ Ta bawdy house , of the last new translation He bare me with him , for his recreation , There for a maydenhead he plaid a game , Where eightscore more before had done the same , There did my Master Knaue , discharge the score , And went , and left me with my Mistris Whore . I stay'd not in her seruice long , for shee Was not two dayes before she set me free , For hauing got a Frenchified heate , She was prescrib'd a Dyet , and a sweat , She gaue me to the Surgeon , for some Lotion For Vnguents , and a gentle working Potion For Plaisters , and for Oyntments in a Box , And so I left my Mistris , with a Pox. The Surgeon me to the Physitian sent , From him I to th' Apothecaery went , But there I thought that Hell I had beene in , And all the Fiends had in his Boxes bin . For it appear'd to me that all his drugs Had got the names of the infernall Bugs : Zarzaparilla , Colloquintida , Auxungia Porci , Cassia Fistula , Egiptiacum , Album Camphiratum , Blacke Oxicrotium , and white Sublimatum . But soone my Master freed me from my feare , He to the Tauerne went , and left me there . And whilst I in the Vintners house remain'd , Some knowledge of my Masters state I gain'd , Let no man say that drunke , my selfe I showe , For what I speake I vnderstand and knowe . I 'le shew some discommodities that waite ( For the most part ) on euery Vintners state . First , if a rowe of houses stand together , All of one bignesse form'd , no oddes in either , If one of them be to a Vintner let , Amongst the rest at double rent 't is set , Next , if French Wine be twenty pounds the Tonne , But a poore penny in a quart is wonne : Besides , he sometimes in the Caske doth finde , Of Lees sixe Gallons , for a Lagge behinde . And more , when in the Celler it is laid , The Carmen , and Wine-Porters must be paid . And by misfortune if the Caske be weake , Three or foure Gallons in the ground may leake , Or taking vent , it may grow dead and flat , And then the Vintner little gets by that . And if he be a fellow of free hart , He now and then must giue a pint or quart . His Candles ( night and day ) are burning still Within his Seller , lest his Wines should spill : And if two Kennell-rakers chance to come To come i' th euening , they must haue a roome , And ouer one bare pint will sit and prate , And burne a Candle out ( perhaps ) thereat , Whilst all the Drawers must stay vp and waite Vpon these fellowes be it ne're so late . The whilst a Candle in the Kitchin wasts , Another to his end i th' Seller hasts , One with the Guests , another at the Barre , Thus for one pint , foure Candles burning are . By day light , this I haue seene some to doe , Call for a pint , a Pipe , and Candle to , By that time he hath done , 't is quickly counted , To what large summe the Vintners gaines amounted . Besides all this , his charge is euer great , For seruants wages , cloathes , and fire , and meate ; For linnen , washing , Trenchers , losse of Plate , For Glasses broken ( by the course of Fate ) Besides , he hath some scores , which if you looke 〈◊〉 or the 〈◊〉 of this 〈◊〉 true on 〈◊〉 owne ●●●wledge . They make his posts looke white , & blacke his booke : And if a debter seau'n long yeares doe stay , But sixe pence for a quart of wine hee 'll pay , When if a Merchant doe a Vintner trust , For the forbearance deere he answere must . And when some Guests haue liquor in their braines , How they will swagger in their roaring straines , Out goes their swords , and by the eares they fall , And now and then one's nail'd vnto the wall . The man and 's wife abus'd , his seruants beaten , No moneyes pay'd for what is drunke or eaten , 〈◊〉 if a ●●●wer be 〈◊〉 so good ●●●an , yet ●●ry paltry 〈◊〉 will 〈◊〉 fill 〈◊〉 Wine . His house in question brought , a man is kill'd , His and his wiues heart both with sorrow fill'd , And whereas other Trades their labours end At night , till midnight He doth still attend , At euery Groomes commaund officiously He waits , and takes hard words most curteously . He that amongst these harmes can purchase profit , Much good may 't doe him , he is worthy of it , My Master Vintners Trade , I thought to touch , Because I cannot thinke his gaines is much , I loue them all , my lines here manifests , And so God send them honest sober guests . From thence vnto the Wine-Marchant I went , He presently me to the Market sent : For Butter , and for Egges I was exchang'd , And to the Countrey with my Dame I rang'd . Her Husband gaue me to a lab'ring Ditcher , He to the Alehouse went , and bang'd the Pitcher . To stay long there , I was exceeding loath , They vs'd so much deceit with nick and froath . My Master Host , vnto the Brewer gaue me , The Malt-man came on Monday , and would haue me , He to the Alehouse brought me backe in hast , From thence I quickly to the Baker past , My seruice there was very short and briefe , He plac'd me with a Miller and a Thiefe , That was a merry Master for the nonce , He got his liuing cogging , with two stones , I next dwelt with a Butcher , that had tricks To liue and thriue by Mutton and by pricks . Thus haue I oft beene tossed too and fro , From bad to worse , from misery to woe , From miserable Slaues , to Prodigalls , To arrant Theeues , and to good Hospitalls , To good and bad , to true men and to Taylers , To Fidlers , Pipers , Fishmongers and Saylers , 〈◊〉〈◊〉〈◊〉 all 〈◊〉 Masters 〈◊〉 Twelue - 〈◊〉 , not in 〈◊〉 as they 〈◊〉 degree , 〈◊〉 calling , 〈◊〉 as hee ●●●●iled 〈◊〉〈◊〉〈◊〉〈◊〉 , good 〈◊〉 bad , poore 〈◊〉 rich , ●●●●out any 〈◊〉 . To Mercers , Grocers , Drapers , Tinkers , Pedlers , To Fruiterers , for Pipins , Plumbs , and Medlers , To Silk-men , Sadlers , Turners , Tylers , Glasiers , To Tripewiues , Mealmé , Gardners , Grasiers , Brasiers , To Plummers , Bricklay'rs , Smithes , and Carpenters , To Dyers , Goldsmithes , and to Playsterers , To Noble-men , to Water-men , to Ioyners , To honest men , to Knaues , to clipping Coyners . To Knights , to Beggers , Scriu'ners , Colliers , Lawyers , To Stationers , to Printers , Silk-men , Sawyers , To fooles , to wise-men , Dunces , and to Doctors , To Harlots , Varlots , Serieants , Bayliffes , Proctors , To Papists , Protestants , and Puritans , To Traytors , Subiects , Matchiuillians , To Catchpoles , Beadles , Iaylors , Ironmongers , To Cookes ( whose labours do asswage mens hungers , To Cuckolds , Bawdes , to greasie Pimps and Panders , To Cowards , valiant men , and stout Commanders . To Fishers , Fowlers , Shepheards , Queristers , To Feather-makers , Girdlers , Barristers , To Players , Bearewards , Fencers , to good fellowes , To those that make no breath , yet can make bellowes . To Pewt'rers , Shoomakers , and Buttonmakers , To Marshals men , and dirty kennell-rakers . To Leather-sellers , Armourers , and Curriers , To Iuglers , Iesters , Masons , Barbars , Spurriers , To Woodmongers , to Tapsters , and to Salters , To Ropemakers , for Cables , Ropes and Halters , To Paynters , Poynters , Hackney-men and Skinners , To Hearb-wiues , Fish-wiues , & such scolding sinners , To Cutlers , Parrators , to Posts , to Iudges , To Druggists , Felmongers , and to toyling Drudges , To Hatters , Powlterers , Coniurers , and Farmers , To Priests , Clerks , Sextanes , Sorcerers , and Charmers , To Bowyers , Chaundlers , and Astronomers , To Gulls , to Gallants , and Embroyderers , To Basket-makers , Milke-maydes , Iewellers , Heare are a strange gal●●mawfrey of Twelue-pences Maste●● honest men and Kna●●● like hearb●● and weede● in a Hotch●potch . To Comfit-makers , and Soliciters , To Yeomen , Hostlers , and to vnder Shrieues , To Millainers , to Chamberlaines , and Thieues , To Cappers , Faulkners , Plow-men , Haberdashers , To Coopers , Weauers , Scullions , Coblers , Thrashers , To Hunts-men , Gunners , Grauers , Rhethoritians , To Coachmen Tuckers , Potters , and Musitians , To Reapers , Spinners , Caruers , and Suruayors , To Orators , to Cariers , and Puruayors , To Clothiars , to Logitians , Mowers , Shermen , To Clockmakers , Collectors , Miners , Carmen , Tobacco-sellers , Netmakers , men , Boyes , To Sharkes , Stales , Nims , Lifts , Foysts , Cheats , Stands , Decoyes , T' a Cut-purse , and a Pocket picking Hound , To as mad Rogues as euer trod on ground . To married men , to Batchellers , to Lads ; To sober Fellowes , and to drunken Swads , To Maydes , to Wiues , to Widdowes , and to Whores , To liberall mindes , and hungry hide-bound Bores , To Midwiues , Chimney-sweepers , Beadles , Nurses , To Scampsters , Laundresses , and Gossips purses , To Drummers , Draymen , Pyrates , Drawers , Glouers , To Trumpets , Whitsters , Ratcatchers , and Drouers , To Hang-men , Side-men ; to Churchwardens , Cryers , To Fluits , Horse-coursers , Sellers , and to Buyers , To Prisoners , to Night-farmers , and to Broome-men , To all estates of Forraigners and Free-men : I could name more , if so my Muse did please , Of Mowse Traps , and tormentors to kill Fleas : For Ballads , Table-bookes , and Conny-skins , For ends of Gold and Siluer , Poynts and Pins : For Knights , and Madames made of Ginger-bread , And many a stale and musty maydenhead . These Masters haue I seru'd , and thousands more Of all degrees and Trades , on seas and shore . And amongst all the places that I had , Whereas I found one good , I got ten bad : If I did serue a poore man but one day , I fiue yeare ( for it ) with the rich would stay , I haue bin Twelue-pence seauenty od long yeare , And to the world , I 'le make it plaine appeare , That where I had one Master lou'd the poore , I had ten Drunkards , that did loue a Whore , For each houres seruice good men had of mee , To my great griefe I seru'd bad people three . I weare the Kings badge , yet flie from the King , And to a Misers Chest I profit bring . The words I haue are Latine , which implies That I should waite vpon the learn'd and wise , But for one Scholler , that can vnderstand , I haue seru'd twenty Artlesse fooles command . My seruice to the Poets haue bin euill , I ranne more swift from them , then from the Deuill , I know not well the cause , but they and I Together long could ne're keepe company . I haue a true excuse that will defend me , They * * Poets and money are i● emulation . loue mee not , which makes e'm quickly spend me . But there 's no great loue lost twixt them and mee , We keepe asunder , and so best agree . They that doe loue me best beyond * * 〈…〉 Sea dwell , For there I am like to a soule in hell , From whence there 's no returning , and so I In the Low Countries or in Germanie , If they doe get me once vpon their shore , 'T is ten to one I ne're see England more , I haue seru'd Cut-purses , and high-way Fellowes , And I haue brought ten thousand to the Gallowes , Were he the arrantst Thiefe that euer' twang'd , For my loue he would venture to be hang'd . Some Scriueners , and some Post Knights ( it appeares ) For louing me too much , haue lost their eares , There 's many a reuerend Bawde rode in a Cart , For bearing vnto me a louing hart . There 's many a sweet-fac'd Punk hath bin perplext , Whip'd , and behinde her * * 〈…〉 back , much grieu'd & vext , Some of my Masters would take paines to haue me , And like to Barbars , wash , clip , * * 〈…〉 poll , and shaue me , In this I onely differ from a Whore , We both haue wicked followers great store : The Whore they may kisse , clip and coll , and strip , Me they may safely kisse , but neuer clip . And now and then , like immitating Apes , With Brasse , Tin , Iron , they 'd counterfeit my shapes . They lou'd me more then honesty requires , But commonly the Hangman payes their hires . Thus though I be but of a small account , I haue had power to make my Masters mount , And some againe ( by their owne bad endeuour ) I haue had power to sinke them downe for euer . To some I am ( in comming ) showe as Lead , But quicke as Quick siluer , againe , soone fled . Suppose that any mischiefe that could be , Had lately bin by th' onely meanes of me , As casting good men into great distresse , T' vndoe the Widdow , and the Fatherlesse , A long delaide sure , longer to prolong , Or hang'd a guiltlesse man , that did no wrong : Corrupted a chaste Mayd , intic'd a Wife To folly , and to loath her Husbands life : If I had bin the meanes to worke all this , Or ten times more such actions of amisse , Yet doe I looke as white as Innocence , And neuer blush , at the most vile offence . Nay more , there 's none will ( for my faults ) refraine me , But euery one will straitway entertaine me . If treason ( through my means ) be thought or wrought , I neuer am vnto my triall brought : For I haue had the triall touch before , And am so knowne , I shall be tride no more . For though I be in ill , chiefe formost Actor , No man suspects me for a malefactor , And if there be one man that wlll reueale me , There are at least ten thousand will conceale me . Indeed I was a Pagan * * 〈◊〉 first and a●ongst Pa●ans and ●●eathen . borne at first , And since in Christendome I haue beene nurst , So they might haue me to encrease their pelfe , Many are turn'd , worse Pagans then my selfe . For I no God or diety did know , To whom I should my loue and seruice show : But they forsake their God , whom they know well , And make a God of me , an Infidell . So , though I be but of a Heathen state , I am no base Apostate , Reprobate . Looke on the hearbs , the flow'rs , the fruits , the Trees , Fowles of the ayre , the painefull lab'ring Bees , And aske their Owners why they breed and spring , His answere is , they must him money bring . Note but the toyling Plow-man , he is sowing He 's hedging , ditching , raking , reaping , mowing , Goes to bed late , and rises before day , And all to haue my company , hee 'll say , For me with dagled Gownes , and duty ham'd , The Hall at Westminster , i th' Tearme is cram'd , Such writing , running , sweating , interceading , Remouing Causes , Pleading , Counter-pleading , Aske the cause why , the answere true will be , All men ●●bour for ●●ney , bu●● with al●● deuotion Their wrangling and their strife is all for me . Looke in the Towne , how folkes throng to and fro , So thicke , one cannot for another goe , And how the Shops with Wares are furnish'd out : How euery one stares , pryes , and gapes about . Demaund the reason , all will answere make , They watch , and waite , cause they would money take . I know not why my reputation 's such , But still my credit hath beene wondrous much , I am more willing taken , now and then Then a seal'd Bond , of any * * Ready ●●ney is as 〈◊〉 as any m●●●● Bond. Aldermen , For by long proofe , the Prouerbe true doth say , That ready money euer will away . I am no worse then I haue beene of old , When thrice my worth , for me was bought and sold , For I could once haue paide a quarters rent . For a small Garden , and a Tenement , And that ( for me ) of Barly , Wheat or Rye , Three times as much as now a man might buy : The cause why now I not so much attaine , Is ( that I am not lighter halfe a graine ) But that through greedinesse , and hatefull pride , I still am ill imployde , and worse applide : For though the world be in a tott'ring state ●●●●●●ng is ●●nstant ●●●●●nce . Yet am I constant alwayes at one rate , Let house , land , cloathes , food , high or lower rise , I am in value , alwayes at one sise , Raise the price vp , or let it fall downe lowe , A shilling is but Twelue pence , all men knowe . I am the same I was , 't is onely men Haue lost the consciences they harbour'd then . I might ( as they might vse me ) be a blessing , And they make me the cause of their transgressing , Some to obtaine me into mischiefe runne , And some to spend me haue destruction wonne : ●●● I speake ●●ally of ●●●ey . There 's many a Master , where I vs'd to dwell , That tooke delight ( with me ) to purchase hell . And all the vicious wayes they ranne aside , They made the deuill and I , their onely guide : ( Perhaps ) their Fathers went to hell to haue me , And their mad heires , runne the same way to leaue me , The whilst a haire-braind'd needy crew beset me , And gallop to the deu'll amayne , to get me . Thus vilely , how to get , and keepe , and spend me , Three quarters of the world doe still attend me . I haue made Mariages in many a place , Where hath bin neither beauty , wit , or grace , All 's one for that , I am of that high price , I can make vice seeme vertue , vertue vice . I am of that great power , and high command , In ioyning house to house , and land to land : That where one hath a dwelling to abide , One hundred knowes not where their heads to hide : And as one may three hundred Tenants haue , Fiue hundred knowes not where to haue a graue . For though from Earth man hath originall , And to the Earth , from whence he came doth fall , Though he be Earth , and can claime nought but earth , ( As the fraile portion due vnto his birth ) Yet many thousands that the earth doth breed , Haue no place ( certaine ) where to lodge or feed : In which respect mens pleasures are behinde The Birds , and Beasts , for they contentment finde With the prouision that dame Nature giues , Free ( without money ) euery Creature liues , Their foode , attire , their Caues , dens , holes , and nests They haue , and hold , as their owne interests . And man , that hath a reasonable soule , Whose reason countermaunds each beast and fowle , Within whose face , a Maiestie is seated , Beyond all Creatures that were e're created ; Yet let him but want money , and 't is plaine , He 's th' onely briefe and abstract or disdaine , Despised , scorn'd , deiected , and contemn'd , And round about with miseries behem'd . Search all the worlds Records from age to age , And view Times variable Pilgrimage : Note that though Fortune ( in her tott'ring guise ) Hath play'd at Foot-ball with great Monarchies , Yet shall you finde how euer States haue varied , How euer things were caried or miscaried , That money still bare the commanding sway , To whom both right and wrong , and all obay . Should all the Witches in the whole world sit In Counsell , and imploy their damned wit , And haue the aydes of all the fiends in hell , With many a mumbling Necromantick spell , And all this toyle and paines of theirs should be , To bring Pecunia into infamie , To cast my Lady Argent in disgrace , And make some other thing supply her place : The fruits of all their labours they should finde , Would be like throwing feathers 'gainst the winde : For in mans heart 't is rooted with such loue , That nothing else but Death can it remoue . And many humane reasons doth approue it , That aboue all things earthly he should loue it . Do'st thou want honour , money straite will buy it , Although ten thousand needy Slaues enuie it . Would'st haue an office thy estate to reare , Money will helpe thee to 't man , neuer feare : Do'st want wit how to guide and gouerne it ? If thou hast money thou canst want no wit . Art thou a damned Matchiuillian , Thy money makes thee held an honest man . Hast thou a scuruie face , take this of me , If thou hast money 't is not seene in thee . Would'st haue a whore , a Coach , smoke , drink or drie ? Money will bring thee all at any price . Would'st haue all pleasures in variety , Money will thy insatiate wants supply : Then seeing money can doe what it will , Haue not men reason to regard it still ? Some thinges there are that Money cannot win , But they are thinges men take small pleasure in ; As Heau'n , and a good Conscience , Vertue , Grace , Hee that loues Money , cannot these imbrace . For he whose heart to Money , is inclin'd , Of thinges Coelestiall hath but little minde . If Money were a Woman , I doe fee Her Case most pitty pittifull would bee , Because I thinke shee would no louers haue , Except a Gowty miserable Knaue : One that all night would by her lye and Grone , Grip'd with the Collicke , or tormenting Stone , With stinking , Coughing , Grunting , spitting , spauling , And nothing but Contagious Catterwalling . Besides hee 'd be so Iealious day and night , He would not suffer her goe out of 's sight : That sure I thinke her Case farre worse would be Then is the Turkish Galley slauery . For none but such as those whome Age hath got , Are in the Loue of Money extreame hot . And when as Hearing , Sent , and Tast , and Sight , Are gone , yet Feeling Money 's their Delight . The whilest a Young-man , full of strength and pride , Would make her Goe by water , Run and Ride , Force her in all thinges to supply his neede , For Recreation , or to Cloath and Feede , Compell her to Maintaine him fine and Braue , 〈◊〉〈◊〉〈◊〉 And in a word make her his Drudge or Slaue , And all his Loue to her would bee so so , For hee 'd but kisse her , and so let her goe . Thus if It were a Woman as I say , Her Case were Lamentable euery way : For Olde men within Doores would euer worr'y her , & Youngmen round about the world wold hurry her , That were she matchd with either young or old , Her miseries would still be manifold . But this Commaunding bright Imperious Dame , Vsde well or ill , Shee 's euermore the same : Locke her , order her loose , she Cares not which , She still hath power the whole world to bewitch . I call to minde , I heard my Twelue-pence say , That hee hath oft at Christmas bin at play : At Court , at th' Innes of Court , and euery where Throughout the Kingdome , being farre and neere . At Passage , and * * And tw●● games more Mumchance , at In and in , Where Swearing hath bin Counted for no Sinne , Where Fullamshigh and * * False ' Di● Loanmen Bore great sway , With the quicke helpe of a Band Cater Trey . My shilling said such swaggering there would be Amongst the wrangling Knaues for me ( quoth he ) Such shoueing , sholdring , thrusting , thronging , setting , Such striuing , crowding , iustling and such betting , Such storming , fretting , fuming , chafing , sweating , Resuse , renounce me , damne me , swearing , cheating , So many heauy curses , plagues and poxes , Where all are losers , but the Butlers boxes : That sure in hell the Deuils are in feare , To curse and to blaspheme as they doe there . Whilst without touch of conscience , or of sence , They abuse th' Almighties great Omnipotence , And all this wicked stirre that they doe make , Is me from one another how to rake . That though I were a Pagan borne , I see They make themselues much worse , to pocket me . 〈◊〉 shilling ●●●o Puritan 〈◊〉 all this . These Gamesters make this time , a time of mirth , In memory of their blest Sauiours birth : Whose deare remembrance , they doe annually Obserue with extreame odious gluttony , ●peake not ●●ainst ho●●●t mirth , ●●ndly Ga●●ng , nor good cheere but against the unlawfull use of these Recre●●tions , and abuse of Go●● With gurmondizing beastly belly filling , With swinish drinking , and with drunken swilling , With Ribald Songs , Iigges , Tales , & gawdy cloathes , With bitter cursings , and most fearefull Oathes , That sure my shilling saith , the Heathen will Not entertaine the deuill halfe so ill ; But worship Saethan in more kinde behauiour , Then some professed Christians doe their Sauiour . In Saturnes raigne when money was vnfound , Then was that age with peace and plenty crown'd , Then mine was thine , Thine mine , and all our liues , All things in common were , except our wiues . But now the case is altred ( as they say ) Quite topsie-turuy the contrary way : For now mens wealth is priuately kept close , The whilst their wiues are commonly let lose . For he whom loue of money doth besot For 's owne soule , or 's wiues body , much cares not . It bewitch'd Aohan at the siege of Ai , Ioshua 7. For which the Israelites did lose the day : It made Gehezie false in his affaires , 2. Kings 5. And gain'd the Leprosie for him , and 's heires , It with th' Apostle Iudas bore such sway , That it made him the Lord of life betray ; And Anaenias and his wretched wife , Acts 5. By suddaine death it made them lose their life ; And Diuine stories , and prophane , recite Examples of such matters infinite , 'T is said in Salomons Dominions , Kings . 10. 7. That Siluer was as plenty as the Stones : But sure the Sinne of Couetise was not Amongst them either borne , or scarce begot . For all that Siluer , and a great deale more , Rak'd and Rip'd from the Europian shore , From AEsia , and Sun-parched Africa , And from the wombe of vaust America , Purcas . From which last place the Potent King of Spaine , Eleuen Millious in one yeare did gaine , And from Pottozzy Mines he Dayly had Three hundred thirty thousand Ryals made . To speake what mighty summes King Dauid won , And left them vnto Salomon his Son , Chron. 22. A Tallent of Golde is in ●alue 600 . ●rownes . Of Gold one hundred thousand Talents fine , Siluer one Thousand thousand , from the Mine , Besides from Ophir he had at the least , Three thousand Golden talents of the best . ●oseph in the ●●● . Booke of ●is Antiqui●ies . Iosephus doth of Dauids Tombe thus write , How th' hidden Treasure there was infinite , The Basons , Candlestickes , and Censors all , Lampes , Organs , Instruments most Musicall , Ports , Altar , Tables , Hindges the Gates to holde , They were all made of pure Refined Golde . Besides 600. Shields and Targets more , The King causde all with Golde bee plated o're . Besides the Richnes of his Royall Throne , The like whereof elsewhere a a And 〈◊〉 the Captan●● 5000. Talents , and 10000. pe●●ces of Gold and 1000 ● talents of Si●●uer , besid●● Brasse and Iron . was neuer none . When the Great Macedonian did subdue Darius , b b Quint●● Curtius . and his haples Persian Crew , 'T is said his Treasure did so much abound , Twenty nine thousand Tallents there was found . And more he faith ( if we may Credit this ) How that in Susa and c c 2 Citties in Persia. Persepolis They found , of Siluer to Encrease their store , One hundred seauenty thousand Talents more . When Cirus Conquer'd Cressus , d d About 60. Millions of Crownes . Cressus lost Three hundred Millions of good Golde almost , 'T is writ that Midas e e A King of Phrigia . Treasure so amounted Innumerable , not to be Accounted , Sardanapalus an Assirian f f A most Licentious Prince . King Neere eight score Millions to the Fire did bring . Where Fifteene dayes did burne his house , and pelfe , His whores , and ( 'mongst the rest ) his wretched selfe . And Plutarch faith , Marke g g Of Crown●● which was pay . Anthony spent cleare Of Golde , full Sixe score Millions in one yeare . What should I speake of Cleopatraes Treasures , Or wealth , or Triumphs of the Roman Caesars . Or what they were whose riches haue bin such , Or who they are that now possesse too much , But here 's the question , seeing times of old Did yeeld such store of siluer and of gold , And seeing daily more and more is found , Digg'd in abundance from the solide ground , I muse which way the deuill all is gone , That I , and thousand thousands can haue none . I know my selfe as able to abuse it , As any man that knowes well how to vse it , But sure I neuer should my Master make it , But as my seruant take it , and forsake it . I haue described in particular What Twelue-pence is , how it hath trauell'd far : How to all ages , Sexes , Trades , and Arts , It comes and goes , it tarries and departs : 〈…〉 I could tell further how it doth command , In pressing men to serue by sea or land , How Bakers thirteene penny loaues doe giue All for a shilling , and thriue well and liue . How it a pottle of good Clarret buyes , How 't is a quart of rich Canaries prise , How for a thousand things 't is daily ranging , And is so round a summe , it needes no changing , How vp and downe the world he still doth firrit , And takes no more rest then an ayery spirit . Then at the last my Muse to minde doth call , The mighty power of money in generall , And how all ages still haue had good store , Musing the cause my selfe can haue no more . And Money hauing writ all this for thee , 〈◊〉〈◊〉 Mone●● Shew not thy selfe ingratefull vnto mee : But as I know thou canst , so preethee grant That when I want thou wilt supply my want , Reward thy Poet , that doth set thee forth , I 'le loue thee still , according to thy worth . FINIS .