[Taylors goose] [describing the wilde goose]

To the most mighty Monarch of Montzago , the modell of Magnanimity , the map of man-darring Monster-quellers , the thrice three times trebble triple renowned Alphebo , ornamented honorable Knight of Standsalio , Treldedo , Maroua , Fregero , Andalowsia , and the sky-scaling mountaine of Mulletto . Illustrious Pheander , victorious and valarous Champion to Don Phoebus , great Duke of Delphos , and the Oracle of Apollo ; Marquesse of Muzetta , and the lake Asse-Phaltites : Earle of Vtopia ; Lord and Dominator of the Promontory of Polipratemost : The vnconquer'd all-conquering Mayden Knight , by reuelation , by creation , by procreation , and contentation : the vnmatched Phoenix , and foure-fold commander of the Inchanted Islands , by nomination , by Banner , by warlike atchieuements , by natiuity , by descent and processe , matchlesse and vnparelleld Sir Thomas Parsons , Knight of the Sunne , great cousin Vermin to the seldome seene Queene of Fayries , and hopefull heire apparant to her inuisible Kingdome .

VNmatchable Cheualiere , I am bolde to commit a poore Goose to your impregnable protection and patronage , I know there will be as much to doe in the keeping of her , and with as much danger , as was the conquest of the Golden Fleece , the Apples of the Hesperides , or the sauing of Andromeda by Perseus : & but that your valiant atchieuements are knowne and approued , I would neuer haue put my Goose to your inuincible Guard , the enemies that will assault you , or attempt to take her from you , are many , whom in duteous courtesie I will describe vnto you : First , the Powlters will assaile you with a terrible battry of rotten Eg-shot , to surrender the innocent Goose , that they may murder , embowell , pull , plucke , and prostitute her to the sale of who giues most . Secondly , the Vpholsters will come vpon you with a fresh Alarum for her feathers , to stuffe the empty paunches of their Bolsters , Pillowes , and hungry Bed-tikes . Thirdly , the Crokes in squadrons , arm'd with Dripping-pannes and Spits in stead of Speares , before they will loose their Fees , ( and the luking of their fingers to boote ) will fight hotly for the Goose till all smoke againe . Fourthly , the Apothecaries ( rather then they will want the sweetnesse of the pinguidity or fecundious fat of the Gooses auxungia ( vulgarly called greace ) they will so pelt you with pills in stead of pellets , that they will make all stinke againe . Fiftly , the Kitchin-mayde will throw scalding water at you , but shee will haue one of her wings to sweepe downe Cobwebs , and dispossesse Spiders of the habitations they haue built out of their owne bowels . Sixtly , the Fletchers , and Archers , sweare they will pinke your skinne sull of Ilot-holes , but they will haue her pynions to make them flye swifter dead then the Goose could liuing . Seauenthly , the Poets for her Quils will call another penny-lesse threed-bare Parliament , and ordaine Satiricall Statutes , and Tragicall Acts against you , and with their scattered imaginations they will scale the skyes as high as sullen Saturnes Altitude , and rake into the lowest profundity of Barrathrum , forraging through the earth , ayre and seas ; but they will stigmatize , cauterize , Epigramatize , and Annagramatize you , till you make a surrender . Eightly , the Lawyers will firke and firret you , tossing you betwixt hard fortune and ill lucke , that you will be almost mad , or be in great danger to haue very little wit left . Ninthly , the Scriueners , publike Notaries , or notorious Publicans , will not onely ioyne with the Lawyers and the Poets against you : but they will neuer procure you any money when you neede , without excessiue brokage , great eredit , or good security . Tenthly , Shop-keepers ( if you hold the Gooses Quils from them ) haue sworne that they will euer keepe you cut of their bookes . And lastly , Schoole-boyes will throw whole voleyes of stones at you , where euer they see you , if you alow them not Pennes , though it be but to scrible or make Iewes letters .

Thus hauing laide open to your Herculean view , the labours and dangers that you are like to suffer in protecting the Goose , Now I thinke it fit ( vnder correction ) to closevp my Dedication with some dutifull counsell , that though your enemies are mighty and many , and that they doe preuaile against you , and with their multitude take from you both the flesh and feathers of the Goose , ( which indeede belongs not to you , nor doe I dedicate them to you ) yet here is your true honour , and that which makes all men admire you , that her better part , her genious , her intellectuall vnderstanding , her capacity ; and reuerend grauity , her wisedome , and her very spirit ; neither man , deuill or Dragon , is able to bereaue you of , as long as you haue a sword to defend it . I haue dedicated a Booke of a Begger at this time to Archy , but most noble Sir , onely to you my Goose , so leauing you . Not doubting of your acceptance , and protection : I wish you such encrease of honor as is suteable to your Heroick endeuours , and vnimitable wisedome .

He that truly neither wonders or admires at your worthinesse , Iohn Taylor .

TAYLORS GOOSE . WHen restlesse Phoebus ▪ seem'd himselfe to rest His flaming Carre , descending to the West , And Hesperus obscur'd her twinkling light : Then in a sable mantle , ( Madame Night ) Tooke of the world the sole command , & keepe Charming the eyes of Mortalls sound a sleepe : She sent dull Morpheus forth , and Somnus both , ( The Leaden Potentates of Sleepe and Sloth ) Who vnto euery one good Rest imparts Saue Louers , guilty mindes , and carefull harts . The stealing howers , creep'd on with sleeping pace , When masqued Midnight shew'd her Ebon face ; When Hagges and Furies , Witches , Fairies , Elues , Ghosts , Sprites and Goblins doe disport themselues : When fond imaginarie dreames doe raigne In formeleste formes , in mans molested braine : On such a time , I sleeping in my bed , An vnaccustom'd dreame came in my head , Me thought as neere vnto a Riuers side , Within a pleasant Groue I did abide , That all the feathered birds that swims or flies , Or liues betwixt the breeding earth and skies , One at the least of euery seuerall sort , Did for their recreation there resort . There was such strange variety of notes Such warbling , and such whistling from their throates : The Base , the Tenour , Trebble , and the Meane , All acting various Actions in one Sceane : The sober Goose ( not thinking ought amisse ) Amongst the rest did ( harshly ) keake and hisse : At which the Peacocke , and the pyde-coate Iay , Said , take the foolish gaggling Goose away . The Goose ( though angry ) with a modest looke , Seem'd as she gently this affront would brooke . When all the Fowles in generall out did breake , Commanding her she should not dare to speake . Away the melancholly Goose return'd , And in a banke of Reede she sate and mourn'd , Complaining 'gainst the hatefull multitude , And iustly taxing with Ingratitude The Race of all mortality ; and then Is none ( quoth she ) suruiuing amongst men , That will my true worth search and vnderstand , And in my quarrell take a Pen in hand , And in a stately high Heroick stile , My Predecessours noble Acts compile , From age to age descending vnto me , That my succeeding Issue all may see The admirable deedes that I haue done , And runne that worthy course that I haue runne . O impious age when there is no defence For Vertue and for hated Innocence : When Flatt'rers , Fooles , and Fidlers are rewarded , When I must liue vnpittied vnregarded . Me thought these last words ended with a keake Of such great force , as if her heart would breake ; At which I starting wakned from my dreame , And made the Gooses wrong , my Muses theame ; I'arose , put on my cloathes , sate downe , and than I tooke my Pen in hand , and thus began . ¶ From darke Obliuions den I here let loose Th' imprison'd honour of the famous Goose : In her creation and originall , And after in the law Leuiticall , And at all times before and since the Flood , A Goose hath iustly gain'd the name of good . To value her with any other Bird , Comparisons are weake and meere absurd : First for her flesh , she is mans dayly fare ; She 's good , she 's cheape , she 's plenty , and she 's rare : Bake her , or rost her , vse her as you will , And Cooke her as she should be , A good Goose. she 's good still : But as great summes are made with little driblets , So put the Hares head 'gainst the Gooses giblets ; And men may peice a dinner vp ( perhaps ) Which otherwise would rise with hungry chaps : For the olde Prouerbe , I must here apply , Good meate men may picke from a Gooses eye . She is good fresh , but better two dayes salted , For then she 'le try if Ale or Beere be Malted ; Her greace is excellent ( probatum est ) For such as numnesse in their ioynts molest : For the Sciatica , the Crampe , or Gowte It either cures or eases , out of doubt . Mix'd with Stauesacre , and Argentum viue , It will not leaue a man a Lowse aliue . Her lungs and lyuer into powder dride , And fasting in an Asses milke applide , Is an experienc'd Cordiall for the Spleene , As oftentimes it hath approued beene . Her braines , with Salt and Pepper , if you blend And eate , they will the vnderstanding mend . Her Gall , if one be but with drinke opprest , Or meate , or fruit , and cannot well disgest : But swallow 't downe , and take the 'tother Cup , And presently 't will fetch the rest all vp . And thus a Goose , for med'cine and for food , I haue Annatomiz'd exceeding good . As for her qualities , whil'st she doth liue , She doth example and instruction giue : Her modesty and affability Shewes she 's descended from Gentility , For if they be a hundred in a troope , To a Barne dore in courtesie thei 'le stoope . How neate and comely they themselues will pick , That no one feather out of order stick : How grauely they from place to place will waggle , And how ( like Gossips ) freely they will gaggle , That sure I thinke , the fashion of their prate , Our wiues at Gossippings doe imitate . In * * Bookes which I neuer read . Plinie and in Gesner I doe finde , That Geese are of strange sundry sorts and kinde . In Scotland there are Geese which grow on Trees , ( Which much from humane reason disagrees ) Bred by the Ayre and Sunnes all-quickning fire That ne're was Egge , not e're had Dam or Sire . Then there 's a Soleand Goose , which they so call , Because the female hath but one in all , Sole is as much to say , as be alone , And neuer Soleand Goose did hatch but one . Or else the name of them may well proceede From the Dams soote-sole , These Soland Geese doe breede in a litle Iland in Scotland 2. mile within the Sea , called the Basse , betweene 25. & 30. miles beyond Barwick , where they are in such abundance that the Lord ( or owner ) of the Iland doth yearly receiue for these Geese 200. li. sterling . whence they all doe breede , Which in her Clawe she holdes vntill it hatch The Gander fetches food , the Goose doth watch .

The Winchester Goose. THen there 's a Goose that breeds at Winchester , And of all Geese , my minde is least to her : For three or foure weekes after she is Rost , She keepes her heate more hotter then a tost . She 's seldome got or hatch'd with honesty , From Fornication and Adultery , From reaking Lust , foule Incest , beastly Rape , She hath her birth , her breeding , and her shape . Besides Whoremongers , Panders , Bawdes and Pimpes , Whores , Harlots , Curtezans , and such base Impes , Luxurious , leacherous Goates , that hunt in Flockes , To catch the Glangore , Grinkums , or the Pockes . Thus is she got with pleasure , bred with paine , And scarce ere comes where honest men remaine . This Goose is worst of all , yet is most deare , And may be had ( or heard of ) any where . A Pander is the Cater , to the Feast , A Bawde the Kitchin Clerke , to see her drest . A Whore the Cooke , that in a pockey heate , Can dresse a dish fit for the Deuill to eate . The hot whore-hunter for the Goose doth serue , The whilst the Surgeon , and Physitian carue . The Apothecary giues attendance still , For why the sauce lyes onely in his Bill . There hath a Turkey at Newmarket bin , Which to this Goose was somewhat neere a kin : And some report , that both these Fowles haue seene Their like ; that 's but a payre of sheeres betweene . And one of them ( to set them truely forth ) Costs more the dressing then they both are worth . This Goose is no way to be tollerated , But of good men to be dispisde and hated , For one of these , if it be let alone , Will eate the owner to the very bone , Moreouer , it from Nature is contrary , And from all other Creatures quite doth vary : For of all breeding thinges that I could heare , The Males doe still beget , and Females beare . But this hath euer a Dam masculine Engendred by a Father Feminine . Quite kim kam , wiw waw , differing from all other , The Sire 's a Female , and a Male the Mother . But cease my Muse soyle not thy purer straine , With such contagious mud , rowze rowze againe From this polluted puddle , and once more , Take the same Theame in hand thou hadst before .

The Taylers Goose. BVt yet a little mirth doth make me stay : A Taylors Goose comes wadling in my way ▪ A thing I cannot giue the Epithite Of Male or Female , or Hermophrodite . Of Vulcans brood it is , whose Dam and Sire , Was windy bellowes , smoake , and flaming Fire . By Nature it should much delight to lye , For in a Forge it had Natiuity : Yet it with lying doth no hurt commit , Stealing is more adicted vnto it ; And yet to Steele it is so neare a kin , That to be true it doth opinion win . T is mettle to the hard backe , I am sure , And 't is a dish will ten mens liues endure . Be it of Age a hundred winters long , It is as tender as 't was when 't was young . A Cooke from it can get but slender fees , It hath no Giblets , like to other Geese . It neither breedes nor feedes , yet doth this good , It doth helpe others to get cloathes and food . And of all Geese shee 's tamest , shee 'l not roame , This Goose a man may alwayes haue at home ▪ 'T is dyet onely for an Estrich tooth , It cannot cog , yet very much doth smooth . It puts downe all the Fowles that ere man saw , T is often Rosted , yet 't is euer Raw , It is a bird that any Slut may dresse , It knowes no Warres , yet euery day doth Presse . And to conclude it is a messe of meate , Which who so can disgest it , let him eate .

The praise of the Gray Goose wing . THe Winchester and Taylers Goose I see , Are both too heauy , and too hot for me : I will returne the honour to Emblaze , Of the Gray Goose that on the Greene doth graze . To speake of wandring Wild-geese in this place , Were ( like a Goose ) to runne the wildgoose Chase : The Egiptians did obserue their wonted guise , How in the Skie they flew triangle wise , Which with one Corner forward , is their drift , Thus figured to cut the Ayre more swift . For me the wilde-Goose is too high a game , My minde is onely to the Goose that 's tame , I in her Fleshes praise haue wrote before , But yet her Feathers doth deserue much more . They are of farre more estimate and price Then th' Estrich , or the bird of Paradice , The Rauen , the Crow , the Daw in mourning dight , The prating Pye attyr'd in blacke and white , The Buzzard , Redshanke , Kite , Owle , Gull and Rooke , The fabled Phenix that breedes where ( goe looke , ) The Pheasant , Partridge , Turtle , Plouer , Pidgeon , The Woodcock , Woodquist , Woodpecker , & Widgeon , The Iay , the Snipe , the Teale , the Cocke , the Hen , The Chogh , the Larke , the Lapwing , and the Wren , The Falkon , the Gerfaulkon , Hobby , Marlin , The Sparrowhauke , the Goshauke , Tassell , Starlin , The Haggard , Keistrell , Lanneret , Cormorant , The Caperkelly , and the Termagant , The Bunting , Heathcocke , Crane and Pellican , The Turkey , Mallard , Ducke , the Storke , the Swan , The Pewet , Parrot , and the Popingay , The Eagle , and the Cassawaraway , The Sheldrake , Bittour , Blackbird , Nightingale , The Cuckow that is alwaies in one tale , The Sparrow of the hedge , or of the house , The Ringdoue , Redbrest , and the Tittimouse , The Bulfinch , Goldfinch , Ringtaile , Wagtaile , and The Hearne that liues by water and by land : The Swallow , Martin , Lennet , and the Thrush , The Mauis that sings sweetly in the bush ; The Morecoote , the Kingfisher , and the Quaile ; The Peacock , with his proud vaine-glorious taile . These sorts of Birds that I haue nam'd before , If they thrice redoubled three times more . And let men value them but as they are , They cannot with the Goose ( for worth ) compare . Many of these doe feed on Carrion still , And still are Carrion , euer being ill , Neither in flesh or feathers they affoord To doe man seruice at his bed or boord . And some of them yeeld Plumes , and ornaments for Ladies , and for Knightly Tournaments : But let these toyes be weighed but iust and right , And thei 'le be found as vaine as they are light . Others there are , as Parrots , Stares , Pyes , Dawes , Are mightily accounted of , because They can speake perfect none-sence , prate and chatter , Feeding the eare : these fowles make fooles the farter . Then there are others great , and small in sise , But great all for the greatnesse of their price , Most pleasantly their flesh men doe deuoure , The sawce lyes in the reckoning , sharpe and sowre . Some are to sing continually in Cages , And get but bread and water for their wages . And others , with great paines men doe procure With cost of Manning , Diet , Hood , Bels , Lure ; The pleasure 's little , and the gaine is small , A Goose for profit doth surpasse them all . When with her flesh mans stomack she hath fed , She giues him ease and comfort in his bed : She yeelds no whim-whams wauering on his crest , But she relieues him with repose and rest . And though the world be hard , she layes him soft , She beares the burthen , and he lyes aloft : Let him be drunke , or weary , sicke , or lame , She 's semper idem , alwayes one the same . Thus to supply our wants , and serue our needes , Good meate and lodging from a Goose proceedes . Besides she loues not farre abroad to gad , But at all times she 's easie to be had ; As if ( to satisfie mans hungry gut , ) She wayted still that he her throat should cut . Men neede not be at charge for Hawkes and Dogs , And ride , and run o're hedge , ditch , mires , and bogs : She 's quickly caught , and drestwell , eates as pleasant As ( farre fetch'd deere bought ) Partridge or a Pheasant . Throughout the world the Trump of Fame loud rings , Temblaze the glory of the Gooses wings : The Romane Eagle ne're had spread so farre , But that the gray Goose was the Conquerer . Sesostris King of Egypt with her feather , Rain'd stormes and showres of Arrowes , like foule weather , And ouercame the Iewes , th' Affirians , Th' Arabians , Scithians , Germanes , Thracians . The Huns , the Gothes , the Vandals , and the Galls , With Arrowes made great Rome their seuerall thralls : The Philistines were mighty Bow-men all , With which they got the conquest of King Saull . Cyrus with thousands of his Persians With Shafts were slaine by the Messagetans , Turkes , Tartars , Troyans , and the Parthians , Danes , Saxons , Sweuians , and Pollonians ; Yea , all the Nations the whole world around , The gray-Goose-wing hath honour'd and renound . But why should I roame farre and wide aloofe , When our owne Kingdome yeelds sufficient proofe , But search the Chronicles , it is most plaine , That the Goose wing braue Conquests did obtaine . Remember valiant Edwards name ( the third ) How with the wing of this deseruing Bird , When to small purpose seru'd his Shield or Lance : At Cressie hee ore-top'd the powre of France . And after that , remember but agen That Thunder-bolt of warre , that Mars of men , The black Prince Edward , his victorious sonne , How he at Poyctures a braue battaile wonne , Where the French King and many Pieres were tane , Their Nobles , and their Gentles most part slaine , And thirty thousand of their Commons more ▪ Lay in the field all weltring in their gore . Henry the fift ( that memorable King ) All France did vnto his subiection bring , When forty thousand of the French men lay At Agincourt , slaine in that bloody fray . And though true valour did that conquest win , But for the Gooses wing it had not bin . In these things , and much more then I can say , The Gooses feather bore the prize away . If I should write all in particular , What this rare feather hath atchieu'd in war , Into a sea of matter I should runne , And so begin a worke will ne're be done . And thus from time to time it hath appear'd , How the gray Goose hath brauely domineer'd : With swiftly cutting through the empty skie , Triumphantly transporting victorie From land to land , offending and defending The Conquest on the Arrowes still depending . Our English Yeomen , in the dayes of old , Their names and fames haue worthily extold , Witnesse that Leash , that stout admired three , Braue Adam Bell , Clim Clough , Will Clowdeslee . I could capitulate , and write vpon Our English Robin Hood , and little Iohn , How with this feather they haue wone renowne , That euermore their memories shall crowne . And e're the Deuill these damned Gunnes deuis'd , Or hellish powder here was exercis'd , With the Goose wing we did more honour get , More nobly gain'd , then Gunnes could euer get . And how hath Vice our worthy land infected , Since Archery hath beene too much neglected ? Something in praise of the exercise of shooting . The time that men in shooting spent before , Is now ( perhaps ) peruerted to a Whore , Or bowling , swearing , drinke , or damned Dice , Is now most Gentleman-like exercise . But for these few that in those dayes remaine , Who are adicted to this shooting veine : Let men but note their worthy disposition , And we shall see they are of best condition , Free honest spirits , such as men may trust , In all their actions , constant , true and iust . It is a thing I haue obserued long , An Archers minde is cleare from doing * * For the most part this is generall . wrong : It is a note worthy respect , and marke , An Archer is no base defamed Sharke , Not giuen to pride , to couetousnesse , or To swearing , which all good men doe abhorre , Nor doth he exercise , or take delight , To cheate , to cogge , to lye , and to backbite , But with most louing friendly conuersation , He practiseth this manly recreation . There was a Statute in th' eight Henries raigne , K. Henry 8. did with the consent of the 3. estates in the Parliament , enact a Statute , for shooting : which Statute is stil of force , though not in vse . Which Statute yet doth in full force remaine , And as it stands in force , so doth my Muse Wish that it were obseru'd , and kept in vse . Within these few yeares ( I to minde doe call ) The Yeomen of the Guard were Archers all , A hundred at a time I oft haue seene , With Bowes and Arrowes ride before the Queene , Q. Elizabeth . Their Bowes in hand , their Quiuers on their shoulders , Was a most stately shew to the beholders : And herein , if men rightly doe obserue , The Arrowes did for two good vses serue : First , for a shew of great magnificence , And trusty weapons for to guard their Prince . Prince Charles ( our hope of Britaines happinesse ) Doth his affection oftentimes expresse : With many Noble men of worthy race , Doe with their best performance , shooting grace : The Highland men or Redshanks in Scotland , are exceeding good Archers . 2. Sam 1. 18. And long may these superiour Worthies liue , Example to th' inferiour sort to giue , That though this exercise be much declin'd , May some supporters and defenders finde . King Sauls braue sonne ( true hearted Ionathan ) Dauids true friend , a Prince , a valiant man , Did in this noble quality excell ▪ As the true story of his life doth tell . King Dauid made a Law , and did command , That shooting should be taught within this land . Thus from true Histories we plainely see , That shooting is of great antiquity : And that the glory of the Gooses wings Hath beene aduanc'd by Princes , Lords and Kings , And that yet Princes , Pieres and Potentates , And best of all conditions and estates , Doe giue to Archery the praise and prise Of the best , manly , honest exercise .

The praise of the Gooses Quill . ANd thus for Shooters hauing shew'd my skill , I 'le now say somewhat for the Gooses Quill . Great Mars his Trayne of Millitary men I leaue , and turne the Shaft into a Pen : The Gooses feathers acteth sundry parts , And is an Instrument both of Armes and Arts. Many diuine and heauenly mysteries , And many memorable Histories Had with blinde Ignorance beene ouer-growne , And ( were 't not for the Pen ) had ne're beene knowne . The Muses might in Pernass hill haue staide , Their fames had ne're been through the world displaide , But that the Gooses Quill with full consent , Was found to be the fittest Instrument To be their Nuntius , and to disperse Their glory through the spacious Vniuerse . Grammar ( that of all Science is the ground ) Without it , in forgetfulnesse were drownd , And Rethorick ( the sweet rule of eloquence ) Through the Goose Quill distils it's Quintessence : Logick with difinitions ( I am sure ) Were nothing , or else very much obscure : Astronomie would lye , or lye forgot And scarce remembred , or regarded not ; Arithmetick would erre exceedingly , Forgetting to deuide and multiply : Geometry would lose the Altitude , The crassie Longitude and Latitude : And Musick in poore case would be o're-throwne , But that the Goose Quill pricks the Lessons downe . Thus all the liberall Sciences are still In generall beholding to the Quill . Embassages to farre remoted Princes , Bonds , Obligations , Bills and Euidences , Letters 'twixt foe and foe , or friend and friend , To gratulate , instruct , or reprehend , Assurances , where faith and troath is scant , To make the faithlesse to keepe couenant ; The Potent weapon of the reuerend Law , That can giue life or death , saue , hang or draw , That with a royall , or a noble dash , Can from the Kings Exchequer fetch the Cash . To most Shop-keepers it a reckoning makes , What 's got or lost , what he layes out , or takes : Without the Goose a Scriuener were a foole , Her Quill is all his onely working toole : And sure a Goose is of a wondrous nature , Contrary to each other liuing creature , Things that in water , earth , or ayre , hath growth , And feede and liue , bite onely with the mouth : But the Goose with sophisticated skill , Doth bite most dangerously with her quill , Yet is she free from prodigality , And most of all bites partiality : She oft with biting makes a Knight a detter , And rankle to a begger , A shrewd biting beast little better . She oft hath bit a Gallant from his land With quick conueyance , and by slight of hand Sometimes her biting is as durable As is a Gangren , most incureable , And many that into her fangs doe fall , Doe take the Counters for their Hospitall ; A Forger , or a Villaine that forsweares , Or a false Witnesse , she bites off their eares : On me her power she many times hath showne , And made me pay more debts then were mine owne . Thus doth her Quill bite more then doth her chaps , To teach fooles to beware of after-claps . They say in Latine that a Gooses name Is ANSER , which made in an Annagram , Is SNARE , Hereupon began the Prouerb , of good Goose bite not . in English , which doth plaine declare , That she to fooles and knaues will be a snare . Indeede she oft hath beene a snare to mee , My selfe was in the fault , alas not shee .

The memorable honour of the Goose for sauing the Capitall at Rome . BVt now to shew her neuer dying name , And how at Rome she wan deseruing fame : When barbarous Brennus , cruell King of Galls , Had wasted Italy , and raz'd Romes walls : When deuastation did depopulate , With sword and furious fire the Romane state . When many a throat was tyrannously cut , And all the Citie to the sack was put : When many of the Citizens did flye Into the Capitall to liue and dye , Whereas the Image of great Iupiter , ( The rip rap , thwick thwack thumping thunderer ) Was of refined gold , adorn'd , ador'd , Where helplesse fooles , poore helplesse helpe implor'd . The Capitall a goodly building was , And did ( for strength ) by Art and Nature passe , So that the people that were there within , Thought it impregnable , that none could win : But slender watch vpon the walls they kept , And ( thinking all secure ) secure they slept , They thought Ioues Statue , and his Temple there , Was a sure guard , that foes they need not feare : But Ioue these dangers did not vnderstand , Or else he had some other worke in hand : Perhaps poore Io like a Cowe in shape , He like a Bull then wrong'd with beastly rape , Or like a Swan for Leada , he thought fit , In that fowles forme , that foule fault to commit : Perchance that time faire Danae to intrap , He rain'd bewitching gold into her lap ; He then ( perhaps ) did to Alcmena goe , And made a Cuckold of Amphitrio , Or else to Semele that time he came , And burnt his burning loue with lightnings flame , Perhaps with Hele he the Ram did play , Or with Europa toy'd the time away , Mnemosine he could not let alone , Or he to Hebe at that time was gone , It may be to Antiopa he went , Or to Astery , for his more content : Or it may be he lay within his bed , And play'd , and fool'd with wanton Ganimede : But whither Iupiter Iupiter either could not or wold not help to defend the Capitall , or or else like many braue whoremaisters , hee had more mind of his leacherie then his honour : so that had it not bin for the Goose , his golden Image had bin taken prisoner by the enemy . that time was got , He to defend the Capitoll was not , Vnlesse he were transformed wondrous strange , And to a Gooses shape his Godhead change : For all the Guard were sleeping at that time , When as the armed Galls the walls did clime . Then when the Watch did to destruction sleepe , The carefull Goose true sentinell did keepe , She spide the foe , and keak'd out an Alarme , At which the Sleepers wak'd , and cri'd , Arme Arme : Then they their Enemies in fury slew , Which downe the battlements in heapes they threw . And thus a Goose the honour did obtaine , To saue the Romanes , which had else beene slaine : And to preserue the famous Capitall , And set Rome free from the insulting Gall. The Romane Generall that time , as then Was manly Manlius , a stout man of men . The Senate gratefully did raise anon , An Altar with a golden Goose thereon , And for the Gooses seruice had beene such , They alowd almes-Oates from the common Hutch , For olde and sicke decayed Geese to feede , In memory of that braue Gooses deede . Why should the Eagle be the Bird of Ioue , When as the Goose deserueth so much loue ? 'T is plaine and euident the Goose was cause , That all Rome scap't from speedy Martiall lawes . Yet did the Romans ( like ingratefull Nags ) Aduance an Eagles portait in their Flags , Cornelius Agrippa , in his vanity of Sciences . pag. 137. Cap. 81. When as Cornelius Agrippa sayes , The Goose deseru'd it more by many wayes . Now hauing done the Capitoll Goose right , I le try some other wayes to breed delight .

Goostoft in Lincolnshire . IN Lincolnshire an ancient Towne doth stand , Call'd Goostoft , that hath neither fallow'd Land , Or Woods , or any fertile pasture Ground , But is with watry Fens incompast round . The people there haue neither Horse or Cowe , Nor Sheepe , nor Oxe , or Asse , nor Pig , or Sowe : Nor Creame , Curds , Whig , Whay , Buttermilke or Cheese , Nor any other liuing thing but Geese . The Parson of the Parish takes great paines , And tyth Geese onely , are his labours gaines : If any Charges there must be defray'd , Or Impositions on the Towne is layd , As Subsidies , or Fifteenes for the King , Or to mend Bridges , Churches any thing . Then those that haue of Geese the greatest store , Must to these Taxes pay so much the more . Nor can a man bee raisde to Dignity , But as his Geese encrease and multiply . And as mens Geese wax more and more , and breed , From Office vnto office they proceed . A man that hath but with twelue Geese began , In time hath come to be a Tythingman : And with great Credit past that Office thorough ( His Geese increasing ) hee hath bin Headborough . Then ( as his Flocke in number are accounted ) Vnto a Constable , he hath bin mounted . And so from place to place he doth aspire , And as his Geese grow more hee 's raised higher . T is onely Geese there that doe men prefer , And 't is a Rule , no Goose , no Officer . At Hunnibourne , a Towne in Warwickshire , What Gogmagog Gargantua Geese are there , For take a Goose that from that place hath bin , That 's leane , and nough but feathers , bones and skin , And bring her thither , and with little cost Shee 'l bee as fat as any Bawde , almost . For take foure Geese , and with a like expence , Feed one there , and the others two miles thence , And shee that feedes at Hunnibourne shall bee More worth in weight and price , then th' other three . She shall with Flesh vnable be to goe , I cannot yeeld the Reason , but 't is so * * A womans Reason ▪ .

Goose Faire at Stratford Bowe , the Thursday after Whitsontide . AT Bowe the Thursday after Penticost , There is a Faire of Greene Geese , ready Rost , Whereas a Goose is very dogcheape there , The Description of Greene-goose Faire The Sauce is onely somewhat sharpe and deare , There ( e're they scarce haue feathers on their backe ) By hundreds and by heapes they goe to wracke , There is such Baking , rosting , broyling , boyling , Such swearing , drabbing , dancing , dicing toyling , Such shifting , sharking , Cheating , smoaking , stinking , Such Gormondizing , Cramming , Guzling , Drinking : As if the world did runne on wheeles away , Or all the Deuils in hell kept Holiday . And as Hearbes , Flowers and Weedes together grow , So people are that day at Stratford Bowe . There sits a Cheater with a simple Gull , And there an Honest woman , there a Trull , Yonder a Fidler dawb'd with greace and Ale , And there an Asse telling an Idle tale . There 's one a Rosting , yonder s one a Stewing , And yon 's one drinkes vntill he fall a spewing : There 's a kinde Cuckold with his Wife doth wander , To exercise the office of a Pander , His Pimship with his Punke despight the horne , Eate Gosling giblets in a fort of Corne . There is ran tan Tom Tinker and his Tib , And there 's a Iugler with his fingers glib . There throngs a Cutpurse , with his working toole And there 's a gallant Coxcombe , there 's a Foole . There 's foure or fiue together by the eares , And tumble in the Dirt like Dogs and Beares . One staggering there hath got the Drunken yox , And there 's one swaggering's fast within the Stocks . Thus with these Galleymaufry humours still , These Linsey wolsey posteres , Good and Ill , These mingle mangle , motly toyes they spend The time , till night doth make them homeward wend. Then they returne as wise as Geese away , For whom so many Geese were slaine that day . They brought both wit and money with them thither , But with the Geese 't is all deuour'd together . And if they were but taught as well as fed , More Coyne were sau'd , and man a wiser head . Thus ( as my Muse is able ) I haue told How that a Gooses vse is manifold . How many seuerall sortes of Geese there are , Some wilde , some tame , some to neare , some to farre ▪ How from her Flesh and entrailes , it is plaine , Good food and Physicke dayly we obtaine : Food , Physicke , Lodging , Artes , Armes , and good Society , all from a Goose. How freely she doth play the true vpholster , And fill with Feathers , pillowes , bed and bolster . And how in many an honorable War , The Gray Goose wing hath bin the vanquisher . The necessary vses of her Quill , How to the good 't is good , Ill to the ill . And Shooting heere ( according to my loue ) To bee a noble Exercise I proue . And how the Goose Romes Capitoll did saue , ( As sayes the Story ) I described haue . And now let men examine well and try If any Bird in water , earth or Sky , Or all in generall together are , With the good Goose ( forworth ) to make Compare . Many absurdly , Idle , foolish , base , Will call a man a Goose in foule disgrace : When if men rightly vnderstood the same , A man is honour'd with a Gooses name . For though the Eagle be of Birdes the King , Yet 't is a Rauenous , greedy hurtfull thing . And he that with that tytle me should call , I had as leiue he call'd me Theefe withall . Shee while she liues doth yeeld reliefe to many , And aliue or dead , beholding not to any . She hath maintain'd ten thousand men , With food , and Physicke , Lodging , Shafts and Pen , And lastly ( not to charge them any wayes ) Her owne Quill heere , writes her owne worthy praise . Because a Goose is Common , and not Deere , She amongst fooles is small esteemed heere . So Blackberryes , that grow on euery bryer , Because th' are plenty few men doe desire : Spanish Potatoes are accounted dainty , And English Persneps are course meate though plenty . But if those Berryes or those Rootes were scant , They would be thought as rare , through little want , That we should eate them , and a price allow As much as Strawberryes , and Potatoes now . Why Bread is common , hauing still our fill We thinke not on , because we haue it still : But if we want Bread then we doe remember , We want the Groundworke of our belly timber . The Light is common , which few thinke vpon , Till Night doth put her blindfold mufler on , And all attyr'd in mourning blacke as pitch , Then men misselight , and tumble in the Ditch . So should we want a Gooses Flesh and Feather , The quantity of fiue yeares but together : We then should all confesse with one consent , How that a Goose were superexcellent . Many good blessings we too much forget , Cause they are neere and Cheape , not farre to fet . Me thinkes I heare some Cuckow , or some Iay , Some Daw , some Pye , some Gull , or Buzzard say , That I haue giuen the Goose her worthy stile , But haue forgot the Gander all this while . I le giue them Answer ( though they merit none ) I doe Include both sexes vnder one , T is knowue to euery perfit vnderstander , A Goose is much superiour to a Gander . For though a man , a Mare or Gelding stride , We briefly say , he doth on Horsebacke ride : And though a Gelding be the beast that bare We call 't a Horse , that 's neither Horse or Mare . So Ganders vnder name of Geese doe goe , The Gooses worthynes deserues it so . Once I remember , Riding on my way In Barkshire , neere vnto a Towne call'd Bray , I on my Iourney as I past along , Rode by a Goose , a Gander , and their young . ( I neither minding them nor yet their Crew ) The Gander in my face with fury flew , Who in his fierce encounter was more hot , Then if he had bin Spanish Don Quixot . But sure himselfe so brauely he did beare , Because his Loue and Lady Goose was there : And 't was a spur his Chiualry vnto , To haue his sweet heart see what he did doe , My Horse he started , to the ground I went , Dismounted in that ( Ganderous ) tournament . I should say Dangerous , but sure I am That GANDEROVS is a DANGEROVS Anagram . The Gander was mine enemy , what tho , I le honour worthy Valour in my foe . He Tilted brauely , and in Liewe of it The Gooses Quill , the Ganders praise hath writ . Thus for the Goose I hauing done my best , My toyled Muse retires vnto her Rest : I le shut my Inckhorne , and put vp my Pen , So take my Goose amongst you Gentlemen . FINIS .

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