A short inuentory of certayne idle inuentions the fruites of a close and secret garden of great ease, and litle pleasure. By C.T. Thimelthorpe, C. This text is an enriched version of the TCP digital transcription A13666 of text S111413 in the English Short Title Catalog (STC 23952.3). Textual changes and metadata enrichments aim at making the text more computationally tractable, easier to read, and suitable for network-based collaborative curation by amateur and professional end users from many walks of life. The text has been tokenized and linguistically annotated with MorphAdorner. The annotation includes standard spellings that support the display of a text in a standardized format that preserves archaic forms ('loveth', 'seekest'). Textual changes aim at restoring the text the author or stationer meant to publish. This text has not been fully proofread Approx. 162 KB of XML-encoded text transcribed from 79 1-bit group-IV TIFF page images. EarlyPrint Project Evanston,IL, Notre Dame, IN, St. Louis, MO 2018 A13666 STC 23952.3 ESTC S111413 99846765 99846765 11754 2240906585

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 Early English books online. (EEBO-TCP ; phase 2, no. A13666) Transcribed from: (Early English Books Online ; image set 11754) Images scanned from microfilm: (Early English books, 1475-1640 ; 538:19) A short inuentory of certayne idle inuentions the fruites of a close and secret garden of great ease, and litle pleasure. By C.T. Thimelthorpe, C. [12], 68, [2] leaves : ill. (woodcut) In Fleet-street by Thomas Marsh, Imprinted at London : 1581. "The compositor to the auctour", on L2v, calls the author "Thimelthorpe". Partly in verse. Identified as 23952+ on UMI microfilm. Reproduction of a photostat of the original in the Henry E. Huntington Library and Art Gallery. eng Conduct of life -- Early works to 1900. eebo A short inuentory of certayne idle inuentions the fruites of a close and secret garden of great ease, and litle pleasure. By C.T. Thimelthorpe, C 1581 158 29049 176 0 0 0 0 1 163.86 F The rate of 163.86 defects per 10,000 words puts this text in the F category of texts with 100 or more defects per 10,000 words. 2011-10 Assigned for keying and markup 2011-10 Keyed and coded from ProQuest page images 2012-03 Sampled and proofread 2012-03 Text and markup reviewed and edited 2012-05 Batch review (QC) and XML conversion

A SHORT Inuentory of certayne Idle Inuentions

❧ THE Fruites of a close and secret Garden of great ease , and litle pleasure .

By C. T.

IMPRINTED AT London in Fleet-street by Thomas Marsh .

1581.

❧ TO THE RIGHT WORSHIPFVLL I. R. C. T. WISHETH LONGE AND prosperous lyfe , to the glory and pleasure of Almighty GOD .

AFter I had bestowed some parte of my inforced ydle time in drawing these few and friuolous lynes of most vayne and ydle inuentions , onely of purpose to occupy my mynd , which otherwise , by occasions was subiect to receyue a more troublesome & greater incombrance : and then bending my selfe to a further intent , to bestow the sowre fruictes of these my ydle gatheringes ( thoughe from a place of small pleasure ) of some such of my friendes , whose curtesye I supposed woulde vouchsafe very wel to accept of them and in euery perticular poynt to pardon my folly : knowing that a litle mite was as wel accepted at the poore womans hands , comming with a willing mynde , as the great and costly preasent was at the handes of the rich . I then setled my selfe vnto a further consideration , and this I wayghed and considered with my selfe , if I should rashly take vppon me to send vnto one or two , or many of my friends , this litle bundle of trifling toyes : not vnlike but in a short time it might be drawn from one friende to an other , and so at the lenghth cleane out of the hands of my frendes , into the mouthes of some others , where perhappes it may bee so champt & mumbled , as it shal cleane be altered from the deacēt forme and shape of mans meate , and made lothsome to the sight of euerye man , and onley fitte for the mouth of the Hogg . Wherby ( beyng desyrous to proceede in my purpose ) I toke occasion to enter into the imagination of the nature & disposition of man with this intent , that if happily I could find the ciuil & honest inclinations of some , able to waigh in equal ballance , & counteruaile with the vnciuil , & dishonest disposition of others , then would I the more willingly be bold to aduenture the publishing hereof to some of my frends , according to my former meanig : & now after a litle deliberation taken therin , euen as the faulkner , who presently after euery flight , doth hye and hasten hymselfe to take the fruicts of his game from the foote of his hauke : I in the lyke maner callynge my wittes togeather , haue demaunded a iust accompt of them what they haue gathered accordyng to my purpose , to serue my turne , or at the least to resolue my mynde , and as the Hauke doth open hys foote to yeelde the pray vnto his mayster , sometyme very e gentlye , and sometyme not so easelye , wythout some stryuinge , and wrestynge : euen so also haue they in the same manner , accordinge to their skill now opened themselues in this sort vntome , as hereafter followeth .

According to your appointment wee haue bestowed some time in trauayling and wandringe to and froe , and haue not onely traue●st the large and wyld field of this world , but as neare as wee coulde , haue also beaten euery little scrubbe and bushe , wherein to our iudgementes any likely hoode of any thinge was to bee seene , whych possibly might serue your turne . And now as touching those things whych at this tyme doe onely concerne our charge , and serue for your purpose , which onely bee pennes and tongues , thus much wee haue gathered togeather of the behauiour & disposition of men therin . In the open field we haue sene to the plaine sight of the worlde , that there bee a very greate and infynite number of menne some wyth pennes in they r eares , bendynge themselues onely vnto wrightinge , some wyth bookes in their hands , and with great delighte bestowinge all theyr tyme wholly in studye . Some others wee fynde neyther with Pen , nor Booke , but only with a lump of flesh in their mouthes , so restles , as it seemeth seldom or neuer will●gly content to take any rest : of these some be restles onely of zeale & ernest good wil , continually to do good , or els of pleasure to recreat themselues or delight their Fryends , withoute vtterynge at any tyme any cause of offence : some others agayne with their naturall and mother witts do alwais busy & beate their braines , and most vainly occupy their tougues onely in carpinge and snatching , ( doing nothing themselues ) continually at other mens doinges . On the other syde , of those which geue their minds onely vnto wrightinge , we fynde the dispositions of them bee also diuerse , some to set forth and make playne vnto the ignoraunt and common people continually the heauenly and deuine misteryes , onely for the pleasure and comfort to the Soule of man , some to wryghting of such necessary matters , which onely touch and concerne a common wealth , beyng as needful for gouernment , as the other is necessarye for comfort other some onely touch●g the safe keping and healthful preseruation of mans body , which be the Phisitions . But leauinge to report any further vnto you , of necessarye writers , we fynd an other kynde of people in the plaine and open field , which geue themselues very often to write of pleasure , only to refresh somtimes the weary witts as wel of themselues , as of diuers other men , beyng perhaps long incombred before , with matters of greatter wayght , which for recreation sake was neuer thought a thinge greatly amisse . Of these we fynd very many , which do greatly please and delyght the humoure of the common people , without any iust cause of offence at all , more vnto one man then to another .

And now to report vnto you no other wyse in euery poynt then according to truth , wee cannot iustly say , that in the open field wee haue seene anye honest or wyse man , that will take vpon him by his penne willingly to iustefye anye vndecent , dishonest , or vncomelye thynge , as wel for modestyes sake , as for the preseruation & safe keepinge of their credits : for they know Litterae scriptae manent , that writinges remayne a long time , & be alwayes verye stronge testimonyes agaynste euerye manne . Therefore wee fynde all menne striue to wright them in as good , and comely order , as possibly they canne . Wee speake generallye euerye manne , because we haue learned this in the worlde , that amonge those kynde of menne , with whom the commendable exercise of wrighting is mostly , & to best purpose vsed ; whosoeuer is founde to write otherwise than according to honesty and good order , they would not haue him taken or reputed among honest or wise men , as a man , but rather as a rare deformed and mishapen monster , they thinke no greater discredit● can any way fall vpon them , then to haue such a one to beare the name of a companyon amyng them . But yet ful well it is knowne among many of the wyse and learned penmen ( and to wel if it might be holpen ) that many nimble witted marchauntes ( though besydes very clownish & dul mannered dolts ) vnder the counterfect habits of graue and ciuile callynges , doe oftentymes intrude themselues into that commendable exercyse , wyth such dishonest and vnseemely behauiour , as the wise are no lesse ashamed , then grieued to thinke of that wicked abuse , thoughe they haue not alwais power to worke redres according to their good willes . But they say , it is taken for a rule infallable among them , that wit , subtilty and wickednes : be thre such louing Brothers , as seldome or neuer to bee founde a sunder : and that wisedome , pollicy , and honest behauioure on the other syde , be thre of the like . And of our selues we finde by common experience , that there is no greater wyckednes in the world , then doth dailye proceede from the witty man : and yet ( beyng as blynd in wisedome , as the man is in sight that hath lost both his eies ) when any thing coms from him craftely and wittely deuised , eyther by penne or speach , or any other way : he verely perswades himselfe , that at all handes , he is greatly extold for hys wit , but contrary to that blynde imagination of theirs , wee fynde that among the wise and learned , they bee had in continuall disdayne : for they say , that neither wit nor learning deserues anye reuerence at anye tyme , where honestye wanteth , and as for wisedom , which in the latine tongue is tearmed Sapienti● , it beareth continually with him the substance and sauor of al goodnes , or otherwise it must loose the name , and therefore euer to be had in great reuerence . But to bee shorte , besyde all this , wee fynde by greate hunting and seekinge in euery corner , & by beating in many bushes , that there is yet an other kinde of people which commonly lyke hedgecrepers , lye lurkinge in huggermugger , neuer once ventringe out into anye playne or open fielde , if by chaunce they come abroad they come so secret lie , as neuer seene eyther with pen in their eares , with bokes in their hands , or scarcelye with any tounge in their mouthes : if by chance they wright or speake , it is alwayes in clowdes , in libel manner , and to the defamation , & discredite of some one or other particular and special man . But these and all other sortes of euill disposed men , wee fynd in this worlde ( the good gouernment is such ) that continuallye they be driuen to silence , and that the wyse and learned men do alwayes gouerne the rest , and be the other neuer so subtil or nimble witted , yet continually they do kepe them in subiection & awe : and therfore thus much now we may boldlye say , that what soeuer is set forth by any man either for necessityes sake to a common wealth , for pleasures sake to the wryter , to gratify his friends , & delight hiselfe , or for any other reasonable or lawful cause ( if comly & honest , & any thing tollerable besides , so it be not to ridiculous , ) the mo●t wise & best learned man wil least of all condemne him , but rather allowe his forward and willing mynde , for they know it is no common thing , for euery man to be singuler .

Conceyuing thus much , vpon this cō●sideatiō thus had with my self , I find that though in number the wicked & euil disposed men do far surmount the good , yet by auctority , and by good gouernment , the good doth alwayes waygh downe the apparant euils : and God forbide that any apparante wickednesse shoulde euer beare anye sway It hath alwaies bene seene , that one wise and learned man , haue euer bene hable to kepe a thousande other wittye naughty packes continuallye in subiection , and though they starte out somtimes by stealth like the dodmond , or Snaile , yet being once but toucht , they are alwaies fayne to pu● home and shrinke in their Horns agayne : and God forbid , that in anye Christian common wealth it shoulde euer be found otherwyse . Therefore now I haue found for my purpose that whatsoeuer I , or any other man shall take vpon hym eyther to speake , or wright , or any other way howsoeuerto put in acte : it is onely necessarilye required at euerye hande , that it deserue not the iuste rebuke or blame of the wyse , and honest disposed manne : and as for those which bee contrary , who feareth them , I fynde must feare euery blaste of wynde : for do a manne wel , or do he ill , they will be as ready to fynd faultes , and to blame him , as the wynd wil be to blow vppon him . Wherefore now I haue taken such corage hereby , as I haue imboldned my selfe to fulfill the earnest desire of my mynde , to direct at this tyme , this litle tryfle vnto you , and if the small matter herein contayned , with my duty and goodwill , may but deserue to be taken in good part at your hands , wherof I nothing doubt : & also of the wyse , and indifferent reader , whiche hartely I doe desyre , and lightlye to passe ouer some vayne , and vnusuall wordes , which perhaps in diuers places here in may be found : then haue I obtayned the substance of my desyre : thus leauing to imagin of , & to answer any other obiections which perhappes may bee inuented agaynst mee , ) least beynge to tedyous in troubling you to much , I here end : and as by duty bound duringe life to be at your commaundemente , do most hartely commende you vnto almighty God .

From London the thirde of October . 1●8● .
TO HIS VERY Louinge and especiall friende , olde Oliuer Fyndfault , of Englande , in the countye of Europe Gent. William Woulwell , in most friendlye manner sendeth most hartye greetinges .

IF I shoulde so lightlye lett this passe , as hereby to geue fre scope to you my friend and to euerye other ●●cleheaded penmā , ( flowing by dayly practice and experience , in all cunninge , and curious conceiptes , perusing this small pamphlet , which claymeth no other tytle then a toy , ) to condemne the inuentor hereof I should greatly iniury him , and not vnworthely of greate folly might condemne my self , in that I haue so rashly thrust him so nakedlye into the mouthes of so manye , wheras perhaps if I had geuen him warninge thereof he might more strongly and better haue furnished himselfe , but as naked as I founde him , so nakedlye strayght wayes did I prefer him . And therfore the truth is , a very friend of myne beyng driuen from all the benefytes and pleasures of this world , and inforced contrarye to the ordinances and rules of nature to hyde and harbor himself ( though as a gu●ltles guest ) in a most solitary and dumpish desert , beyng therwith drawen from all ioy and felicity , in in any worldly necessary practise , and rather indeuoring himselfe to recreate , refresh , and delight his mind with some toy●sh conceipts , then otherwise ( being so incombred ) to charge it with any matters of importance or weight for his owne solace and pleasure , bestowed some part of that his ydle tyme in certayne playne and light toyes of inuention , not much vnlike therein vnto a certayne ydle kinge in Persia , who in his progresses , did nothig els but continuallye cutt , and whittle stickes , to dryue awaye the tyme . And by reason of my dayly recourse vnto him , beyng priuye thervnto , I craued and obtayned the coppye of this now extant , the which I diuers times and ofte perusynge ouer , toke occasion as a toy , to lyke so well , as I procurde it to the presse , with this title as you see , and thought it as a token worthy to send vnto you , to read whether beyng led there unto , by the greate & good affection I bare to the maker , or by desart of the matter , I know not : but wel wee both know , it is the naturall incliation of friendes , one alwayes to thinke the best of an other . Therefore as I know the first inuentor hereof ment nothing lesse , then to put this forth to the publicke construction of the world , to hasarde or aduenture the allowing or disalowing therof : I wil not take vponme to geue out any showe of commendation therin at all . Fyrst because I knowe it was not made to that intente , and besydes , least if it should happen to be condempned of others as a vayne and tryfling toy , I should therewith also be condempned to haue made a partiall and vnworthye prayse . But syr ( if you can rightly consider it ) as by the least byrde that flyes in the ayre , by the least fish that swims in the Sea , and by the smallest worme that creepes vpon the earth . The omnipotent & mighty power of God doth as fully & playne appeare , as by the hougest and greatest monsters that beares life in this worlde : euen so by the smalest booke that can be written , by the most babling ballet that can be made , and by the least word that can be spoken , his strange and wonderful workes in man , with his most liberall and incomparable guiftes vnto them do as perfectly set forth and shew themselues as by the greatest volume that euer was written , by the wayghtyest or wysest concept that euer was made , or by the most eloquente or learned oration that euer was vttered . The honest wyse and ciuil man doth as little despyse the worst and meanest begger that goeth by the waye , as he geeatly honoureth the cheefest & greatest prince that ruleth in the world , euen so here the indifferent and wel disposed myndes , wil as litle trippe , or spu●ne at thys stumped , lame , and haui●nge toy , as they would greatly fawne vppon , or runne after a more fyne or pleasaunt inuention . But ther is an old prouerb Figulus Figulo inuidit , one Potter hateth an other , the which to auoyd , these may be sufficiently to assure you , in that I know you are a craftes man in that arte , that as for this vnskilful potter , this small trifle and toy is the first that euer hee made , who wil not iustify it to be lawful nor good , in that he was neuer prentice thereunto , and for any he intendes , I dare bouldly say shall be the last , vnlesse it be a little cup or cruese for his owne mouth ▪ yet syr if your friendly actions hadde at anye tyme bene ▪ agreable vnto your continual colourable showes , you would haue inabled him long before this by your friendly instructions , worthye of your felowship and company .

But vnderstanding he had , though to verye small and litle purpose , some smacke in this your art , as only to take your vessels in hand and to reade them ouer , you alwayes shooke hym of , demaunding a double fee for the teachinge of your skill , much like to amusition , who vsed to take of hysschollare , which had learned before they came vnto him , double soulare , deuble that he toke of others , which neuer learned before , sayinge that hee tooke double paynes with them , as fyrst to make them forget that they had learned before , and then to teach them perfectlye agayne : who if now he were alyue shoulde surelye fynde as small resorte of schollers , as I thinke you do in that you are so curyous in your art . Therfore to imagine this short , and vnpleasaunte sounde , here at this tyme presented vnto your audable and pleasaunt eares , to be but as a preludium , vnto other conceytes , & that he wil stryue to marre your markets , with any such lyke rough hewen , or mishapen vessels , it shal be in vayn , for be intendes nothig lesse . And as for this small conceipt , here at this tyme , being cast in a very litle mould , & wherin great want of an artifitial workman must needes appeare : I hope you will not stryue to condemne , but rather excuse , though it hath neyther heade to begynne , handle to houlde by , nor foote to stand vpon & though perhaps neare aboute the end you shall find it very imperfect , and so ful of secrete chinks and litle crantse , as it wil hardly hold liquor without leaking : but if your graue head shal esteeme it as an ydle toy , imagine it ( as it is ) the fruictes of an ydle place . For phisicke sake I know you haue swallowed many vnpleasant and bitter pylles , for friendship sake you may as wel at this time digest this trifling and ydle toy . But if you shal answeare mee , that your such Phisical rescerpts haue alwaies inforced you to vse the pap of an apple , or els to roule them in suger , otherwise they might haue stucke in your throate : then for answeare agayne , I can but aduise you , for the more easy digesting of this my friendly conceipt , sent onely as a token vnto you & to the rest of my friendes , to roule it in styd of an apple , in the sott asd slyppery pappe of your gentle pattence , or otherwyse ( in stead of a suger lofe ) in some sweete and sugred spice of your most frienly interpretation : and in this ( for the old acquayntaunce of longe tyme continued betweene vs ) I hope I shal not fayle but misse of your willing & friendly conformity : and therfore now , since I haue sufficiently declared vnto you , the cause of the publishing herof , with the disposition and intent of the deuisor , and least I shoulde make this my foretrottīg shew or preamble ( which rightly should be but a breefe declaration of what is to come ) longer then this his whole rase which is very short , and consideryng my old lesson ( worthy in euery act to be remembred and obserued ) quod satis est sufficit , I commend me vnto you , you vnto God , and these few lines following vnto your friendly construction .

Your assured friend William Wouldwell .
A SHORT PRELVDIVM to the friendly Reader . Interpone tuis interdum ga●dia curis TO mingle mirth sometymes with care and vsyng neither of them to much Preserues thy body wel in health , it keepes thy mynd in perfect state . To glutte in sorrow day and night from day to day , from yeare to yeare , Thou drownst thy selfe in drousy moodes , it syngles thee from all thy wites The hotchpot for varietyes sake is oft accepted of the best And taken as a daynty dish if kyndly mixt with diuers tastes Resceites of all preseruatiues where shall you fynde more fyt for health Then wher the skilful mixtures be in dayly practise to be made . A sugred sweete and syluer sound the musicke mixt doth alwayes yeeld With harmony so heauenly , wherein no man but greatly ioyes . And here to make a window fight , out of my mynd , now to your eyes Since mixtures make all thinges so good , let this my hotchpot beare no blame . A flickeryng flye with fettered fe●ete , fast tyde in scrauling Spyders web , A stinking seate of flattering Fleete , where ●●arse he can put out his nebb . A byrde , a beast , more meeter may the witles woodcock paynt himselfe Whom beaten seamen did assaye , so oft to warne from shollow shelfe , A guiltles guest and harbored longe in hollow caue of hardest stone , With patience now doth salue his wronge . and wis● it were his harme alone , From thence this ydle toy doth spring wher were greene nimble witseed sown Greate crops of toyes that field might b●ing , and ranke , if oft it were not mowne . We see when grownd is newly layed , with weedes and thistles fyrst it springes , When sutes in loue be fyrst assayd , it fyrst with triflyng toyes begynnes , Before wee come to mannes estate , in childish toyes longe tyme we spend And after then our youthul rate , we walke as wild til nere our ende . Who wil strong houldes attempt to win , do first with weaklinges trye their strength , And so the strykers all begin and grow to courage great at length . Before the souldiour presse to warres he musters fyrst in sport to trye And there if fit , the boulder dares aduenture then in field to dye . We likewise see when plants do spring , before their leaues can spread abrode , First forth their litle buds must bring , and then at length their bowes they lode , Thus euery thing if rightly wayde , with tryfles small doth fyrst begin Rightly therfore it is not sayd , this tryfling toy great blame doth winne . A needful thing in common wealth no man , nor woman thinkes to long . Which soule or body bringes to health but still more more is all their song A tryfling toy in priuate sporte if tedious workes without delight , Blame not therfore this ioy though short which needles here is brought to light .

Patet que pardit virtutis arctaque via est .

The Castle

This narrow lane of virtue with her 4 capt.

Prudence ▪ Iustice . Fortitude Temperance .

resceyues to rest .

of rest

this wide field with these 3 captaynes

〈◊〉 world . The flesh . The Deuil

Leades al to distru●ction .

The worldly souldiours .

diagram of castle

THe godly , polliticke , & wise gouernment of the one , with the wicked , subtil , & diuilish illutions of the other , euer since their beginning & first entring into field of worldly fight , which was when Adam at the first subtle intisement , & temptinge tounge of Eue , fyrst puld the Apple of the tree , is by many learned and godlye auctors far mor● aptly discribed , better set forth , more largelye & playnly publyshed then possibly by anye here at this tyme , can be spoken or imagined .

And the lyke I may say of euerye other particular theame , in this shorte , & small pamphlet hereafter following .

For euery litle strayte and norrowe path which here is taken woulde most easilye conduct and playnly lead a most cunning and perfite penman into a moste ample , and large field most pleasant and necessary .

And therefore leauinge that wyde and fertil field wherin most sweete , holesom , and necessarye flowers of greate good , and requisite matters might bee gathered ( as to intreate now at this present of these three vyses and fower virtues , with the substance of euery other matter hereafter followinge , ) I rather bende my iourney forthwith according to the tytle of this toy , into a more secrete and syldome used garden , where I intende not to gather of all sortes of flowers such plenty as to make therof a great and goodly garland , but rather more likely no flower of pl●●●ure at al. For wel do I know , that hardly should I finde ( were I in place neuer so plentifull ) such a flower of pleasure or delyght , which hath not alreadye heretofore , by some or other bene presented vnto many tender noses , who perhaps if agayne they should be tryed with the lyke , would rather stop their noses , & disalow therof , beyng so oft cloyde with such accustomed sauors , them they would prayse the sweetnes thereof were it neuer so pleasaunt , which we dayly see by great experience , as for example this for one amonge many others may well bee noted , that when wanton youth most wyldlye flyinge here and there exercysing the youthful winges of his vnconstant and flickeringe mynd , from place to place , light happily vpon some fertile , and pleasaunt ground , where he fynds great plentye of sweete and comfortable flowers : then settelynge his mynde according to the humour of his eye , hee syts him downe as it were vppon some one chois●●● spetial moulehil neere vnto to the flower he best delytes : and there resting his bodye from tyme to tyme , ( though with a restles mynde ) rather willing to feede the desire of his wanton eye . in stil perusing & beholding his chosen & long eye bitten flower , then to satisfy his hungry and needy stomacke , with any other nourishing or necessary food : at length after many bashful , & priuate attemptes , sometyme handling the stalk & oftentymes kissing the leaues : gathering vp some crummes of courage , suddaynly takes it vp by the rootes , & caryes it cleane awaye : which lightly hee kepes for a tyme most louingly , somewhile in his hand , somewhile in his bosome and strayght in his lap , somtyme to his nose , some tyme to his lips , & not vnlike but somtyme to his bed : for that he wakes no soner in the morning then he desyres to haue it neere his nose , to bee short , his delightes be such therein , as who knows not that he esteemes it before all other growinge herbes , or flowers vnder the sunne : he loues it according to the old saying of the poet Anacreon , as a sweete mischiefe , and with the saying of Propertius , as a sweete tyranny because he indureth his torments willingly , & is sildome content to settle or quiet his mynde where he lyues , but alwayes there where hee loues . Hee stickes not for the loue thereof to aduenture the ouerthrow of his owne body with Roderick of Spaine , who lost his kingdome for the loue of Camma : or to enterprise the deathe and destruction of a straunger , with Retormodicus , who ouerthrewe the whole state of the Lacedemonians for the loue of Scedasus daughters , & with Cateline , who slue his owne sonne for the loue of Orestilla . And all this not withstandinge , after a whyle , his eager sight beyng once satisfyed , a●● the rest of his senses which before toke their delightes : grow as greate to mislikingr as before in theire first beginning they kyndled and grew to loue , a thing no lesse straunge vnto all such as stil remayne free their flower to chose , them it were miraculous for the hot mount Aetna , to become the cold hil Caucasus , & whose lo● soeuer , it is to tread the world do not vnlikely stumble oftentymes vpon many such ( though lost and cast away ) pleasant and sweete flowers . This example the worlde ouer is dayly seene . And therefore now , since that such famous inuentions be so cunningly deuysed , and seuerallye knyt vp togeather , you may for a penny haue in your pocket choyse of many prety toyes at al times to delight you . I know it were now in vayne for me to striue to gather the like , though my inforced ydle leasure might wel serue therunto , for in that it should be superfluous , it woulde rather greatly yr● than any thing at al delight : but my intent is ( though I bee longe in comming therto ) in this my chosen and solitary Garden , to pick out the most tryflyng and vaynest weedes that possiblye may be found , and therwith to make ( to passe my weary tyme ) a small and litle poesy , the rather for that I know , many be so cloyde with pleasaunt and sweete sauors , as they oftentymes seeke for most filthy and s●inking weedes to sinel vpon . But as I woulde not stryue beyonde my skill to pricke this ful of pleasaunt and delectable flowers , euen so would I be loth to poyson it with such vnholesome and s●inking weedes as it should yeeld too fylthy or yrksome a sauour . Therfore if I be not deceyued , it shal yeeld very barely any sauor eyther sweete or lower at all : and in ●o doinge as the sweetenes shal litle delite you , the sower tast shall as little offende you . And therfore to be short , leauing these circumstaunces and endles rownd running about the bush . The first beginning hereof ( though more brieflye then cunningly ) showes the weake and f●ble entring of man first into this wicked worlde nourished vp , and safelye kept by three chosen nurses ( though in more soft and gentle bandes ) not much vnlike to the pore captiues and prisoners vnder the custody and chaynes of theire appoynted gaylors , vntill the Session dai of their gail deliuery : wher straight they reseaue their iudgements ( as by the law rightly condempned ) to bee led into the wyde wildernes of this wretched world , wher ( as pilgrims ) passyng long youthful and wearye tyme , some lyght happely into the hands of good & Godly disposed men , some into the hands of most cruel tyrants , whose simple , senceles & bru●ish mynds serue them continually to torment and destroy the next vnarmed naweake men , that by chaunce fall into their deuilish dints , in reuenge of some iniury done vnto them before theyr equals , or superiours : from the which I pray god deliuer me , & preserue al others . Some agayne are chosen and placed in princely seat of rule : some in place of diuine counsell , some in place to ●●ourish and seede a common wealth , some to cure the sick , and diseased bodies , and some continually in place to deceaue the whole world with whom no sticklers at any time , as yet coulde euer preuale , til death him selfe in proper person , coms to play his most playne and vnskilfull quarters , as hereafter in this small Pamp●er , doth more playnly & briefely appere , a thing though vnfi●ly intermingled with such idle and vayne inuentions , and though vnaptly bearyng the title aboue named in that the name of god ought neuer to be so taken in vayne as once to bee named vnder the title of such a toy : yet my intent , and matter therin considered , it shall not bee greatlye amis , if by the reader it may be construed to the best : ( which I desire ) for I stryue not to iustefy the perfectnes therof , informe , in style , in matter , or in any thyng . And therefore I may not otherwise but commend it ( as a tryling ●oy ) vnno the best and most friendly construction .

THe silly babe in cradel rockt cries alwaies out as pincht with paines That impish thing , it would be knockt sayth hairbraind hag , knock out the brains . But shee ful little knowes or thinks Of cradle crying mistery Where man to death his draft first drinkes , And there lith cheaud to misery . It speakes a language strange to man , which few or none wel vnderstandes But fayne it would from whence it came , to earth agayne from all those bandes , It strugles weakly God doth know Ful oft within the Nurce● armes , Then geue it leaue the mynd to show , to earth it flyes and feares no harmes . But what should cause such harmeles soules to striue so strangely straight to dye . It is a ball which nature trowles Before their eies , though secretle . Of glasse , wherin they see their woes which in this world they must abyde And that they be among their foes , And therfore they would gladly hyde . But striue or strougle as they will , writh or wrest which way they can . And cry or bleare they out their fill they lye stil tyde til state of man . And then as sone as they begin to growe in strength to treade the ground , The Father captayne stryues to win . and trayne them by alluring sound . Straight from their babish swadling bandes , into the ample fighting field , And first geue them into their handes their Absey bookes , as speare and shield . VVherwith we dayly see them walke , and tossing them ( though childishly ) As silly tatling babes in talke , not thinking of their misery . And how they all be prest to fight in field of worldly wretched woe , But wantonnes is their delite Till they to wretched field do goe , Wherin all fathers do agree . As captaynes tryde in warres before And longes in armes the childe to see which doth great ioyes to them restore , And thus mans lyfe is militant in dayly styrring here and there : Of courage stoute and puissaunt . before all thinges that earth doth beare . From cruel warres it neuer stint , though bloudshed small or none be seene , A thousand tymes more hard then flint , a fort it doth besiege to win , Which worldly art did neuer make nor can be won , but by the best And named , ( which force can neuer shake ) the seate of euerlasting rest . Who thinkes his life most strong to fight agaynst the world ▪ his rase to end . Is sonest brought to wofull plight if vertue doth no succour send .

ANd therfore the necessary & wayghty force hereof considered , who could most cunningly or closly conuay himselfe into the sight of this most cruell & continual battaile ) bearyng alwaies before his body , true faith , as his buckler , & placing constancy as a sure bulwarke of defence , should doobtles daily behold far more wonderful wracke , & destruction , with more secrete subtil pollicies & deceiptes , than through the whole world in any our accustomed bloudy conflicts , betwixt man & man , he could possibly see al dayes of his life . No blowes be ther to be seene , no noyse to be hard , no vaunt of victory at any tyme to bee made , the slaughter be it neuer so great , is euer st●● and scilent . Al deadly wounds being there daily and howerly infinite and innumerable one only Phisition doth alwayes cure , who farre beyond all art , doth so continually strengthen and refresh all those incamped and fightynge souldiers , as from the tyme they first pitched their field vnto this day the battayle neuer quailde , nor yet till the last hower euer shall . But now beyng outward ( as an vnskilfull passinger of this my shorte and easye iourneye , yf I should contrary to my farmer promise , forsake my playne and easy trot , and sodenly fal into a more swift , and curious pace , intending to leape and runne beyond my limits into this wyde fielde , & world of continuall warre . Uppon my returne agayne , you woulde certaynly expect a perfect & true report of some great and wonderful newes , the order and manner of their field , with discription of some notable late battaile , and conquest , with many other questions , which ( for want of experience ) I cannot imagine : and then if my iudgement , disposition , eloquence , and memorye ( ●he chiefest tooles , and instruments of euery cunning and perfect wise messenger ) being tried with the touchstone of some artificiall workeman : shall appeare so vtterlye voyde of anye good , or perfite mettall , as in no parte able to perfourme what is loked for , ● shall iustly be condempned , in so foolishly disclosing mine owne im●ecility & weaknes : which otherwise by scilence I might stil haue concealed . Therfore I wil not take vpon me as a messenger of any skill , to make any report therof . But whosoeuer can wysely and wel dispose himself shal more fitly be his owne messenger . And ther may behold the innumerable number of worldlinges , hauinge continually their desyred fort in view , dayly marching forward therunto , howe by many subtill and secrete pollicyes they they be alwayes forestald , & stopt theyr waye , and shall playnly see , agaynst euerye lone and single man , thre most stronge and mightye aduersaryes , the world , the flesh , and the deuil , who continually keepe themselues most strongly in armes , hauinge wonne the rule and dominion of the greatest parte of the worlde , onely leauing a most narrow & straight lane vnto this our fort and castle of rest , wherin standes Vertue , beyng at continuall warre and defiance against those deadly and mortal enemies of man , as strongly and as surelye furnished against them , as possiblye may be . With continuall becks and signes : not fayling dayly and howerly to sende her secrete priuy scoutes , and messengers from man to man , to instructe and geue vs knowledge of that narrowe and secret way , and therwith neuer refuseth , to such as be willing to followe her to accompany and assist them , with what strength she can possibly make ▪ to safecanduite and leade them through the thickest of theire ennemyes . But this vertue ( beynge a continuall and open fiend vnto vs ) with all her most & strongest furniture of munition and defence , is dayly met withall , and incountered and yet strongly abides those continual conflictes , sometyme escaping with victorye , and sometyme with losse : but most syldome doth she returne conquered vnlesse the dissemblinge Captiue ( whom her purpose is to safecunduit & defende ) most cowardlye quayles , and shrynkes from her by the way .

The pore souldiour , is no soner espyed by his diligent dayly attendantes , the world , the flesh , and the deuil , to be creaping a way vnder the banner of vertue , but strayghte they flye vnto him with as sure hold as possible may be , & then beyng faynt harted , easy to be assured , by their glorious and subtill outwarde showes of deceyt , hee easily lets goe his hould by vertue , and yeeldes to their tyxa●●ous ( though secrete ) fleshly , & carnall tugges . But contrariwyse if he be so strong of courage not easy to be caried by any secrete or subtil whyrl●wynde , or so wary in wisdome and foresight , as to eschew all their forewarned snares , and willing to withstand those his ennemyes vnto death , then shee most louingly , and readily imbraceth hym , as her adopted child : and then to beholde how gently and easily she lyke a natural mother , drawes hym by little and little , out of the tearynge Teeth of those most cruell tyrantes , and how cunningly and carefully shee striues to cary him safely throughe their daungerous and cruell force , it woulde doubtles dryue all her strongest ennemies most earnestlye and faythfully to loue , honor , and obay her , euen to the end .

And thus in vewynge the secret and cunning warres bētwixt the world and this our mortall life , ( wherein much more may bee vnderstode , then by this ydle pen , can possibly bee vttered ) our subtill and secrete ennemyes wee shall the better es●hew , and our safest way to the castell and seate of euerlasting rest , shall more easilye learne , which ( as seemes is not the broade and common beaten way , but rather a very narrow and sildome troden mossey lane . And as our foresayde aduersaries with al their armye , and might be dayly remayning in the one , geuinge vs continuall repulce in all attemptes vnto this our euerlasting fort : and trayninge vs lyke dronken myse into theire flatterynge pytfalles of euerlastinge destruction : Euen so our most louing and naturall friend vertue . with al her power continually possesseth the other ( which is the narrow lane ) alwayes readye on the other syde , there to resceaue vs in . And theruppon is it written , though otherwyse . as wel it may be vnderstood )

Patet quae perdit . &c.
❧ The friendly greeting and comminge togeather betwene Idlenes , & a student .

THe godly & wel disposed man , satlinge Student . hymselfe both in body and mynd , ( bowyng as faythfully the knees of his hart , as many do faynedly in most dissemblynge manner the knees of their outward bodyes ) vnto his deuoute meditations , & prayers , is very sensably to his feeling as he certaynlye thinkes , pulled oftentimes by the head oft times by the legg ▪ and some tyme by other parts of the body . It is not a thinge strange or rare to be heard of , that most straunge & terrible visions haue also appered vnto such kynd of men , to moue them vnto terror and feare of purpose to remoue them from their such deuotion and prayer : who it is , or what it is , that doth worke and bryng such continual lettes , and i●cumbraunces vnto them , I leaue to the graue and learned deuynes , whose profession ( for want of knowledge ) ● neither dare , nor can take vpon me to shew : yet for my playne and short opinion therin , I thinke it is the secrete snatching , and priuy byting degge of hel .

But the godly and holy men are so dayly & hourly bitt●n therwith , as come the deuil himselfe , his dog , or his damme , or what saynt soeuer of his hee listes to sende , the ofter they fele themselues bitten , and snatcht at , the ofter and more greatly do they take occasion therby , not onely to pray the more deuowtly , but also more hartelye to reioyce vnto themselues , knowing that the deuil , with al hys companye of Angelles , is neuer so diligent and eager in busyinge himselfe to winne , but where he lighteth in such running company of gamsters , as he is alwayes in feare to loose , which ys neuer among dysers , and carders , nor yet in any alchouse , or ryplynge pastymes , neuer in any feasting , or banketinge , nor in braue and gorgious showes , nor yet in any one delyght , or worldly pleasure at al , for in some of these , as in continuall dysing and cardinge , which is neuer without swearyng and staring , in continuall feasting and banketting whiche is neuer without dronkennes , and gluttony with such lyke , he is neuer in fear among them , as once to loose . But which of them soeuer can best and most cleanly beare his ale , or with hys cunninge slaightes and ingling trickes , deceaue most , and win of all the rest . ●he denill for his part is sure at the end as cleanly to beare him , and as cunninglye to win them all , and as in worldly delytes hee lykewyse resteth hymselfe quiet , neuer offering any trouble or disquiet vnto any of them , onely in hope that the pleasures of the world wil be sufficient instrumentes to drawe them also to the bente of hys bowe , as well as if he himselfe were in presence among them : & this appeiseth his bottomles and insatiable gulph , desyrous if possibly he might to drown and draw vnto himselfe , the pore innocentes and soules of al the worlde . But there be many godly and well disposed men , who by the continuall helpe , and inspiration of the holy Ghost , haue at all attemptes as great cunninge to preuent hym , as he hath alwayes subtillye in seeking to tempte and deceaue them : they neuer muse or start at anye of hys sodayne or secrete shadowes , but continuallye laboure and bend themseues to withstand his such wicked deuises .

And now to shew my present and secret trouble , euen so in the verye same manner , though not setling my selfe in the lyke Godlinesse of deuotion , as before mentioned , yet bendyng my selfe vnto a worldly and necessary studye , I feele euen now of late very censably & playnly many secret and priuy twitches , but by whom I cannot imagine ( hearing nor seyng any thing at all , ) as for the deuil I hope it is not , for man or woman it cannot possibly be : and therfore ( desyrous to follow as nere as I canne , the steppes of these godly , and well disposed men , ) what soeuer it is , vntil I hear further therof , I wil not so easily be ouercome .

Idlenes .

Sir to driue you from your dumps and great admirations , it is euen I.

Studient .

Friend Idlenes , I may not say welcome . But since you are come , geue me your hande : what was the cause , that you so oft & so secretly puld m●e by the sleeue , that I could neuer neither see , nor heare you ?

Idlenes .

Oh syr , it was for verye mere good will which I did beare , as alwayes I haue borne most willingly vnto you .

For loking priuely and peping ouer your shoulders , and seynge you so earnestly besyde your booke . I thought with my selfe , if sodaynlye I shoulde haue blowen out my trumpet , or haue breathed any loude sounde , or synging into your eares , or if sodainly I should haue appeared vnto you , I mighte perhaps haue so frighted , and driuen you vnto such a sodayne start and terrible feare , as durynge your lyfe euer after , you mighte thereby haue fallen into some wonderful and great paulsey : and therfore in the most gentle and frendly manner I coulde , I easily and priuily ( fearing your such disturbance ) puld you by the sleeue : Whereupon hearynge you so grauely beginning your grounde , and running such descant vpon the Deuill , hys dogge , and his damme , I stoode a longe tyme ( as though greatle amazed ) expectinge your laste stroke , and how you would make your close : wherby at length , I might plainly perceyue you in a manner likened mee ( though not named ) vnto the Deuill and hys dogge , which ( consideryng my continuall friendlye mynde towardes you ) I could not chuse , but take very vnkyndlye .

Student .

Friend iniury , I knowe you haue not bene so baselye brought vp in beggers bosome with ignoraunce , but that you do as well know the order and course of this worlde , as the greattest learned , & most famous Clarke of all : your white heade , and many yeares in greate experience haue brought you sufficient knowledge , to counteruayle the best : continuall companye and oft handlynge doe bryng the wyld and brutish beastes , at the length to be tame : and manye Byrdes , as Parattes , and Pyes , with such lyke oftentymes to speake . Experience teacheth vs , that companye many tymes doth worke greate wonders : and what is it that company will not cause , The old Prouerbe is , that companye oftentymes doth make many olde men verye good cookes : and my frend take you from company take your heade from your shoulders . Somtyme like a roge , and shakeragge , halfe naked , a man may fynd you dauncing among beggers , some while brawling , and fighting , and some time cracking of lice , somtime in mean apparaile , in tauernes , and tipling houses , tossing , and swilling , and cracking of crownes , sometyme agayne , in most braue and gorgious attyre , a companion with the best : to be short , of what estate or calling is he of , into whose company sometyme or other , you haue not intruded your selfe .

Therfore beyng so well acqnaynted , as I know you are with the natures , and dispositions of all men , it semeth verye straunge vnto me , that now you shoulde seeme so ignorant of me , as to take anye thing vnkindly whatsoener I haue spoken of you : for you know right wel , that notwithstanding most men are content secretly oftentymes to entertayne you , yet few or none at any tyme , but roges and knaues , dare for their credits sake , openly allow or commend you : it can not bee also vnknowen vnto you , that you haue alwayes bene cronacled to be that author and mother of all mischiefe & vice , calling your wits togeather , and remembring your selfe , you know more herein than I can tel you . Therfore neuer take the wordes of your friende , when they seeme to offende you , but rather hys mind . For notwithstanding my former speech I wil not be to curious , nor shye of your company , a wyse man ( I know ) sometyme wil admit of the simple foole and prating knaue to sit at hys bord , the one to make sport in laughing , the other in talkinge , and both to passe away the tyme : for a yonge man to bee alwayes graue , vntil his very roote beginnes , & growes to bee gray : were surely in my concept as greate a follye in hym , as if alwayes he should be ydle . Therfore my friend , since now you haue so gently , so aduysedly , and so friendly presented your selfe vnto me , and beynge I knowe the messenger and seruante , and atturney of an atturney , discourage not your selfe at any thing I haue spoken , but euen as bould as you would be with the greattest acquayntance you haue , be euen now as bould with mee , & acquaynt me with the cause of your comming .

Idlenes .

Syr as you haue sayd I confesse in euery part it is true , I fynd now greate reason doth wish me to take in very good part what soeuer ye haue alreadye spoken , or shal hereafter euer speake .

A QVESTION , BY IDLEnes put forth to the Studente .

SIr , if my vayne and ydle motions , shoulde not trouble your graue and well occupyed mynde , I woulde with your patience craue your aduyse and iudgement in a matter ( though verye common and easy ) wherin at this time my ydle braynes be some thing basyed .

Student .

My busines is not so greate , but I may very wel afford to graunt you audyence , and also answeare you if neede shal so require , & therfore let me heare your mynd , and shew mee the troublesome and clammye way wherein you , sticke , and if my skill may possiblye worke you out a more playne and easye passage , you shall not long misse of your such earnest desire .

Idlenes .

Sir , since your curtesy is so great to bend your self so gently , & so friendly towards me , I hope I shall not neede in hast to scrangle my wittes togeather in vtteryng my mynd at this tyme vnto you , for I haue so oftentymes heretofore , & euen now of late to my cost , found the old prouerbe to be true , that hast maketh wast as now wherin I may chuse I wil rather crepe with the snayl , then runne with the Harte : for wee see by experience , that the slowest going : Asse ys alwayes the surest bearynge beast , the slowest winged hauke ( if any thing good besides ) doth commonly shew the best sport , and kepes her selfe longest from any mischaunce : for hast we see that many of the femenine sex , haue sodaynly fallen backwarde to many incurable and great mishaps , and of men , as many haue tumbled headlonge forwarde , puttinge themselues in daunger of as greate perril . do wee not dayly se , that many for hast offer to put meate into their mouthes , gaping full wyde , and yet puts it besydes ? and many with spone meates , before their mouthes can be open , chop the spone agaynst their teeth , and all to besquatter their lippes and beardes if they haue any ? do not manye drinke so hastely , as sometime very suddenlye they almost quackle , and choke themselues , and then ( if ashamed ) wil say I haue drunke a crum ? haue you not knowen diuers men , and sometyme many women , to fare the worse for their snatching . Such as can tary tyme and leasure do commonly fare best , & yet I agree the tarier thinks always long , vnto what tyme this tarying must haue relation , I leaue it vnto them of that kind .

But to descant a litle further vppon this playne and hasty ground : if I shal not trouble you to longe : haue you not heard that sometyme a man hath falne in company by channce with a woman , as it were vppon the frydaye , and hath beddid her vpon saterday , wedded her vppon Sunday , and al torepented himselfe vppon munday ? if repentaunce in such be differd for 2. dayes , it is a maruayle , but if for a weeke , it is a greate wonder : such is the nature of hast , sone rype , sone rotten , sone hot , sone colde , sone done , sone repented , the wordes of auncient and wyse men are oftentimes heard among vs , but little regarded of any : they haue set downe this for a rule Quod semel faciendum , diu deliberādū : whatsoeuer is but once to be done , and once done , neuer agayne to bee vndone , doth alwayes require greate deliberation , and long to be considered of before ▪ but the Elephant being a houge and brutish Beast without reason , doth better obay and follow this rule by nature , then we hauing reason can by oft and continual perswasions : for hee knowing by nature , that if once he chaunce to fall downe he must neuer loke to rise agayne , doth loke so narrowlye to his footing , as he neuer setteth step without greate deliberation : when the naturall rest of sleepe coms vpon him , he gets him presently vnto some tree , and therto leaning himselfe so taketh his rest . And is the fall of the Elephant greater to the earth , then the fall of a man into a curst Xantippa , or into the handes of an egregious shrew ? verily I thinke it cannot possibly be , is it not then needful for the man to looke with the Elephant , twise aboute him before hee leape : the wyse man sayth insipientis est dicere : &c it is a greate show and token of an vnwyse man , when you hear him say , if I had knowen this or if I had knowen that , for if rashiye he bec sped , it is the best wisedome quietly to whist himself . I remember a familiar example of a very wyse and playne man in the countrey , who for his patience in bearinge that Kynd of affliction , hath bene kept a long tyme in remembraunce : hee and hys wyfe keeping continuallye so close togeather , as sometyme fast tyde togeather by the eares : vnderstandinge the place and tyme appoynted , where such a famous and learned ma●ne shoulde preach , they agreed in due time louingly to goe togeather arme in arme , and cheeke by checke , pressing so in that louing maner as nere to the Preacher as possibly they coulde . And after a whyle the Preacher entringe into greate discourse of many matters , seruing fit for his text , among diuers other thinges fell into speach how Christ beare hys crosse , and after many learned and godly exortations opened therin , he remembred the sayinge in the scripture : Who soeuer wil bee my seruant , must take vp his crosse and follow me : at which words this honest man hauing his wife arme in arme , as though sharply prickt with a sodayne motion , sayd immediatlye vpon a sodayne vnto the Preacher : Syr , that will I with all my harte , and thervpon presently hosting vp his wyfe vppon his shoulders as well as he coulde , with al speede began to depart , but the preacher and the rest of the congregation , blaming him as little for that his zealous and godlye mynde , as they greatly maruayled at that his strange & rare example , caused him to be staide and eased of hys heauy burden , and after this the preacher proceeding to hys purpose , and finishing his Sermon , he caused this honest man and his wyfe to brought before him in the presence of the whole congregation , and knowing him by report to be a very wyse man , demaunded openlye of him the cause of this sodayne motion : he boldly and openly answeared him . Why syr was it not your saying , that he that wil be the seruante of God , must do as christ did , in takinge vp his crosse & following him , and that our crosse that we most beare , is the trobles and afflictions of this worlde : the preacher answeared him it was true , & so was the saying of the scripture , then sayd the honest man , if this bee true I hope I haue not offended , if I wil be a seruant vnto God , I must needes cary some crosse , and troubles of this world for I haue hard , that Nullus sanctorum coronatus sine flagello vel certamine , and for my part I haue no other crosse , nor trouble in this world but only this my deare wyfe , who is as diuilish a dame , as curst a shrew , as madd a makin as euer puld man by bearde , and if you haue any other crosse to tell mee of then her , which I must beare , I hope God wil pardon mee , and so must you , for I know I shal not be able to liue to endure the burthen ▪ I liue ( God knowes ) full hardly and wearely with this . The preacher sayd vnto him : honestman I know you are counted wise , I find it is for your honest and good behauiour the you be so wel estemed of , and not for any gret knowledge or understanding which I thnyke you will clayme vnto your selfe : it semeth you haue better vnderstanding in your husbandry , in your occupation , or in some other handcrafte , whatsoeuer it is , then you haue in the knowledge of any Diuine reasons , but liuing honestly and wel ( as appears by your good report ) and being so willing and diligent to geue eare vnto your teacher , in that I know euery man cannot be a cunninge clarke ( for then manye a theefe should escape the ●●●allous ) I do fynde the lesse cause to blame you , but rather I am to instruct you according to the truth , which is my office & to bestow my tyme in teaching the ignorant people . Therfore you must vnderstand that to beare the crosse and troubles of this world , it is not to beare them vpon your shoulders , but you must beare them that is , you must indure them , and take them with a quiet and patient mynde , & as a punishment sente from God , for your sumes . then sayde the honest man vnto him againe . Sir , I confesse my ignorance , and do wish that I hadde more knowledge , as for your counsaile I wil willingly fellow as nere I can , my comming was to the same purpose : but whereas you say , I must not take nor beare , the worldlye afflictions vpon my shoulders , but indure them with a patient mynde , I say that if you had my wife , or such an other but for one yeare , you should fynd , you must not onely indure with a patient mynd , but you should also haue ynough to doe , to beare of both with head , shoulders , back , & legges , and euery other part of your body : therfore , sir , you speake well , and lyke one of great learning but of litle experience , and God forbid that you should haue the like experience herein as I haue found , and perhappes many other . The preacher makinge hast to bee gone , and leauinge anye further at that tyme to exhort hym , sayde , at his departure : honest man ( as it seemeth ) you are wonderfully incumbred with a merualous curst and diuilish shrewe , farr worse as appereth most true , then the common sorte of shrewes , for they bee all tollerable ynough , and by this your report which beareth indeed some credit , being so honest a man , I must needs say , this wyfe of yours is intollerable , therfore you may do well for your more quiet , & better ease , to seke some lawful sepetation betwixte you , and that is the beste counsayle that I , or any man els in this case canne geue you : for thoughe I haue no experyence , yet by reason I fynd there is no stryuinge with a diuilish dame . I hope there bee not manye such in the worlde , and so I leaue you .

Then sayde the other agayne , for all your good counsayie hetherto I hartely thanke you . But now whereas at the wynding vp , you seme to geue me counsayle to leaue my deare wyfe . Which is onely the crosse I haue in this worlde , wherby I must goe in the world to come to lyfe euerlasting . I thinke your doctrine therin not to my best commodity , and then taking his wyfe by the hande , sayd vnto her , come wyfe , lette vs goe home togeather agayne , as louingly as wee came forth : and since I haue now learned that thou art the only mean to bringe mee to heauen . I will now cherish thee more then euer I did before . but I hope I shall not neede : for if I do by chaunce sometyme forget you , I hope you wil not forget your selfe , and now because you fynd that I haue some greater care of you , then heretofore I would be loth you should now seeke , by pensiuenes to shorten your owne lyfe , for then I may be thought to kill you with kyndnes . In this order during his lyfe did this wyse manne content himselfe , with hys vnaduised and hasty choyse .

More hast then good speede is neuer to be liked , soft fyre maketh sweete malt , but to take hast after another sence , they say a hasty man maketh a hasty woman , a gentle and soft manne doth alwayes make a soft and gentle woman : the hasty man in rebuking his wyfe openlye . resembles him that spyts into the winde and receyues it agayne vppon his face : but perhappes you wil say that none be of that m●nd but women : yes truely it is the mynd of many wyse men : for example sake , loke wher you can fynd a wise man , that to the sight of the world , and in very deede will not allowe his wyse to be mayster when she list , and then on the other syde , looke where you can find a foole whose wife will not tremble to speake , and be affrayd to loke asyde of any man in the presence of him . The wise scholmayster sayth , it is neuer meete to keepe that child in to much awe & feare which by nature is so gentle & tractable as the mild●es of his face , doth alwaies confesse his fault , and euen so sayth the wyse man of the woman , that shee yeelding alwayes the man to be her head , and by nature commonly subiecting herself willinglye vnto hym , it were a greate fault to keepe her also in continual subiection , and therfore amonge wyse men it is alwayes taken for a rule , the humble must euer be exalted : among the other sort they must be contented to bee alwayes oppred , and troden downe , yet sometyme wee see the most harebraynd of all is surely yokt , and stept with the Goose from creepinge through euerye hedge , or scarce to goe out of anye narrow dore .

But looke which way wee will , eyther one waye or other , to what sence soeuer this woorde Hast is best & most fittest to bee wrested ( vnlesse that it be a hasty pudding . ) I cannot possiblye ymagine or thinke whiche waye , or by what meanes it canne well bee allowed of .

Wee dayly see by common experince hasty men neuer wante woe , and what thing soeuer is done with ouer much hast , is commonly repented by leasure .

Therefore Syr , I will not at this tyme fall sodaynlye into the depth of my desyre here at thys tyme with you , for pleasures sake onely : since it is the first tyme of our meeting togeather , by your patience we wil walke a little togeather by the waye : and sith that time doth serue vs both so well , I would bee gladde to craue your short opinion herein . I haue harde it a question . ( beynge dyuers tymes ▪ my selfe in companye ) whether it is better to bee ydle , or to be ill occupyed .

Student .

Friend ydlenes , not vnlyke but you haue bene in companye where this and many other lyke friuolous questions haue commonlye bene canuased to and froe , and nothing at all vnfit for your education . But if I should take vpon me to answeare this your question , and yeeld a reason of some betternes in the one of your propositions , I hadd neede to pul some logition by the sleeue , as you haue done mee , and craue his aduyce , as yon intende to do myne : for as I take it in this your question is included an equiuocall and doubtfull sence , which requireth the artificial tooles of Logicke , to make it smooth and playne as wel to the eare as to the eye , and I meane not at this tyme to wade to far , and so wantonly with you , I will take your wordes as the lye : and as by common attendment they are to bee taken , and so shall you briefly heare myne opinion according to your desire : you are not to learne , that one question may be answered by putting forth an other : therfore my frend , admit a man should bring you two crowes , and demaunde of you whether is the whiter , beyng both ( as commonly they be ) as blacke as a cole : were it possible your skyll could reach so far to yeelde a reason the one to bee whiter than the other ? if I knew you were a logitian , I woulde not doubte but you might do som thing with your cunning fallations : but beyng as you are , you must be contente to take onely your mother wit , and leaue that skilfull art , and by your natural reason you shall hardlye proue blacke to be whyte , or naught to be good . Therfore your question being this , whether it is better to be ydle , or ill occupyed , I may answeare you briefly , nether barrel better herring : wher you would haue one thinge better then another , you must first allow the one of them to be good : for better is a degree of comparison from good , and neither of these do good . How then can I iudge which of them is better :

Idlenes .

If I may be bolde to interupt your talke , how would you behaue your self if this question were demaunded , of you in the presence of such who haue no artificiall skyll in reasoning at all , as if you were amonge a number of women woulde you not swarue a whitt from art , and fal to some vayne and ydle reasones you knowe full well that they are neuer brought vp eyther in Logicke or Rethoricke .

Therefore amonge them , eyther you must talke according to their vnderstandinge , or els continuallye bee scilente , which would argue much ignoraunce , or rather great dulnes in you .

Student .

If I were in companye of neuer so many , I confesse I could haue very little to say , I do but I shoulde be as the Oule among a number of birdes , rather amazed to heare theire continuall chirping , then any waye able to answeare such kynd of questions .

Idlenes .

Why sir , and would you also lye as the Oule doth , vppon your backe , and crye too witt , too woo ? I woulde wish you rather to lye grouelyng vpon your belly to hyde your bashful face .

Student

Nay frend iniurye , I am no crooked byld byrde , I mynd not so to crye , neyther to fall forward nor backward , the place should be very flippery if I kept not my footing , and besides , I woulde not grratly sticke to endeuor my selfe to yeeld the best reasons I coulde to feede theire phantasies , but I am not yet among them , we may talke therof at leasure : I am now onely in the company of an idle pack , & haue graunted to debate som matters with you , according to our 2 fantasies at this tyme alone . And therfore now to proceede towards the end of my answer vnto your headles question , I must put you in mynd of a sentence out of Tully , for beyng as I haue sayd , that your question is of two euils , we must proue which is the least , and not the best , for saith he , duorum malorum minimum ma lum est elegendum . of two euilles the least is alwayes to be chosen .

Idlenes

Once agayne you must pardon me , I must be bold to interrupt you . You say it is the sayinge of a wise man , that of two or many euils the least is alwayes to be chosen : surelye that your speech doth fall out verye well at this tyme to serue my turne : for euen now am I toward a wyfe , and I haue stood in great doubt a long tyme with my selfe , whether were better to chose a bigge bounser , or a litle lowbithgroūd : but by this your speech I fynde now the ende of my doubte . Nowe surely I wil seeke out the least woman that possiblye may bee founde in a cuntrey : and if I may fynde such a one as may serue my turne , and yet skant able to reach vp to my midle , I wil thinke I haue found the most pretious iewell in the world : for of two euils you say the least is alwayes to bee chosen .

Student .

Why frend Nimblechaps me thinks you seeme rather ready to play with the shadowe of euery thing then wi●ling to vnderstand the substantiall matter in any thing : can you rightly gather vpon my speech that a woman is euill ? if you do well vnderstande mee , you shal finde nothing lesse , but rather that shee is for the most parte one of the greatest good thinges in this world , and most necessary of any thing els besydes .

Idlenes .

Syr in what I spake of a woman I bilt no part of my speech vpon yours I bilt only vpon my owne ground , your speech was but an introduction vnto me : but if it be as you say in your countrey ( as for all countryes I am sure , you haue not trauailed ) then do your countrey and myne greatlye differ : for where you say , she is one of the greatest goods in the worlde , there is this olde saying with vs . Femina rara bona , sed si bona digna corona , a woman is sosildome and so rarely good , that when she is good indeede , she is worthy to wear a crowne of gold : and besides , wher you say , she is most necessary of any earthly thing ▪ that sowndes something like one way to bee true : for wee haue an other old saying with vs , that drawes verye neere vnto that purpose , which is this that fire , water , and a woman be three of the most necessary euils in world . with many other lyke olde sayinges , which were to long to bring in question .

Student

If al your many , other lyke old , and dunstical sayings be like vnto these two , none of them all would bee worthye the repeting , for of these the one is meerlye false , the other not rightly vnderstoode : for wheras you say , that fire , water , & a woman , be three necessary euils : that is cleane contrary , for they be three of the necessary goods in this world , for the preseruing and keepinge of mans lyfe , and besides by common reason it is a thinge very vnceasable , that any euill thing can bee necessarye , it is rather a thing to be thought necessary , that ther were no euill at all : but in way of reasoning some wil say , that good beares not his name but in respect of euil , and how should good be knowen if euil were not , and that one contrary doth alwayes set forth and shew an other , & therefore necessary with manyother stronger reasons then here can bee made , yet they shal be but arguments of deceit , for as black is a colour of it selfe without white & white without bearinge seueral names for knowledge of the one from the other , euen so is good a vertue of it selfe without euil , and euil a vyce of it selfe without good . Therfore I haue sayd no euil can any way be necessary and now since a woman by your confession is necessary how wil your rusty sentenses make her to be an euil ? my friende , you may see howe your olde sayinges ( a number of them , by continuance of time be so greatly corrupted , as most of them , ( bearing a show of truth , in that they be olde ) are very false . And nowe as to your other sentence , Fem. rar . bon. sed si bon. dig . coron. your interpretation herein is cleane contrary to the true meaninge . For rightly it is thus to be vnderstood A woman is a rare good ( that is to say ) so rare a good thing , as the like is hardly , or not at al to be found againe in this world , but if good , worthy of a crown of Gold : that is thus to be vnderstoode on the other side , that ( since in euerye kynd there be alwayes some which bee euil ) if the woman bee good ( shee is so necessary ) she is then most worthy to be had in greate estimation before all other earthly thinges , and therfore it is sayde shee is worthy to be crowned , and now my thinks tyme growes away very fast I hope we neede not continue any longer in these your slippes , and wanton bywayes leading cleane from our purpose , you may finde how rashlye you haue bene ready to conceaue amisse : & therfore now once agayne to enter into your question if you will suffer mee to proceed : as I haue sayd of two euilles the least is to be chosen , and now which is the least euill , to bee ydle or to be yll occupyed , that must bee our question : & for this tyme I thynk myne opinion wil draw very neere vnto your good liking : For in my conceypt of the twayne , to be ydle is the least euil , and yet I must agree , that ydlenes is the mother of all mischiefe , the roote of all sinne the handmayd of the deuil , and the deuils stael , as the oule is for the byrder vnder his lyme bush or hydden nett . But to way according vnto common reason so long as a man is ydle hys mynd is occupyed about nothing of effect , eyther good or bad , and during that tyme in quality he very much resembleth the Jacke daw , whose nature is beyng the most vnhappy and ydle headed byrde that flyes , continuallye to plucke strawes from some thatcht house or other , snapping at euery flie which comes in his way , or ramming of euery litle cranny he fyndes with some baggagely stuffe . For when shall you see the ydle man : but eyther he is doyng his neighbour , or next stander by some petty mischiefe , catching at flies , playing with strawes vnder his feete , champing them with his teeth , or els busied about some other like ydle occupations : beyng ydle the mynd alwayes runneth wildly about after euery rowling glint of the eye , and beinge well markt , it makes the man appeare as if he were mad , and beyng long continued oft tymes it bringes him to madnes indeede , for then he is a ready host and sit receptacle to entertayne all wicked imaginations , & hath stable romth plenty for the deuil , & as many hors●s as he wil bring , and whether you think the deuil daunsing vppon horsbacke within a man wil make him mad or no , I leaue it to your iudgement : we may learne by a familiar example of a simile : daylye in experience among vs , that greate inconuenience doth come by ydlenes For loke vnto those places where greate infections of plagues and other lyke diseases do raygne : haue you not continuallye there the aduyce of wyse & learned phisitions , in any case neuer to goe abroad with an empty & ydle stomacke ( lest infection fynding it empty coms in & take his place filling it ful of filthy corruption , & therby bryngeth your body soner to decay : they wish vnto euery man a thinge most easy alwayes ready to bee hadd ) a cup of ale & a tost in a morninge , which hath euer bene thought very holesome , & good to kepe the stomacke occupied , though continuall tipling ale knightes in places of misrule do greatly sometimes abuse it : yet of it self being moderatly taken it is neuertheles to be allowed , & it is worthy of commendation , as appeareth by this old verse following : sanat , confortat , exhilarat nobilis ala , & dat iucundum , nappalis ala viruū . Thus you may s● to kepe your body in perfect health , it is the most necessary thinge the is required at your handes , to kepe it still from emptines : & euen so is it with your mynd , if you wil kepe it in good order , admit as seldom as yon can the company of ydlenes : for beynge ydle you are like a man that knoweth a number of mad men to stand in a place with naked swordes in their handes and yet venters s●arke naked among them and so is killed : and woulde you not iudge this wilfull man guilty of his owne death ? surely hee is , and although hee cannot liue agayne to this worlde to receaue worldly punishment , for that his so haynous offence , yet in hell hee is sure to hange , which is a place of punishment euerlasting for all such like obstinate , desperate , and wicked offenders and euen so is it with you when you are ydle , for then you hazard your selfe thus far , you know full well that beyng ydle if the deuil be not with you presently , he wil not long ●ary from you : and then if obstinatly you will still continue in ydlenes , and make him away to creepe further and further , into your heade , and so at length to possesse your whole bodye , are not you then as guilty of your owne death as he which kylles hymselfe ? if you continue so long in ydlenes , til the deuil ( creping so closly as you can neuer perceaue him ) begins to dip in his foot , then surely you are almost past remedye : but you may sometyme perchaunce bee ydle , and ●et presently fall to some exercise agayne , and then it wil be the lesse hurtful vnto you , so long as no vice hath taken possession : and now by this means , since ydlenes is but a possibility to drawe a man to wicked sin : and the other , which is to be ill occupyed , is a sinne in act already committed , thoughe ( as I haue sayd ) they be both so naught as neuer to be● allowed : yet of the two in myne opini● ydlenes is the lesse euil .

Idlenes

Now truly syr , my goodwil stande● vppon thornes , till it hath yeelded d●● thanks according to your deserued ourtesye , and were it not for the common proue● be which daily is had in remembraunce , that to much of anye thinge is starke naught , I would doubtles s●end some tyme wherein it should appeare , I shoulde not bee myndful of this your frendly counsayle : but knowing your hast vnto other affayres , least I should kepe you to long , I will brieflye proceed according to the first cause of my comming vnto you : and therefore now sir , this is the other matter , wherin I am to craue your aduise .

The liuely and cunninge workmanship in the forme and fauoure of a man , so far passeth , and excelleth all carthlye and artificiall skill , as it is not meete to be named in any spech of comparison , with any earthly or worldly thing : and therfore here I dare but faintly speake therof : yet for experience and learning sake , let me be bould here at this tyme to craue this one thing of you , to single out and chose secretlye vnto your selfe the most amiable and well fauoured face that possibly may be seene , with the rarest and most cumly parsonage that by any meanes can be found , admitting the workemanship of nature so perfectly set forth in him , as not to be reprehēdable , so much as in one title touchinge his forme & beautye , and then ( committinge your external censes , with the cumlines & beauty of his outward parsonage to scilence ) conuay that secret insight of your profound iudgement into the inward partes of the said cumly man , & if there after a while hauing made sufficient serch and view in euery corner , you fynd that nature hath not so much as vouchsaft one dram of wit in his head , nor so much as on good qualitye in his mynd , I praye you then dissemble not your conceipt in him , but tel me playnly how you woulde esteme of the man .

Student

Your request is verye reasonable , though somthing hard , yet not so hard as necessary to be vnderstood : I acompt it hard because ( though nature beareth the name ) God is the cheefest workman , of this most cunning and skilful peece of worke , which here you haue described . Therfore if sodainly I should geue any rash iudgement therin , my such vnaduysed answer would procure the lesse credit vnto my speech . But to satisfy your request , my opinion is this : Admittinge him to be according to your description wel fauored and cumly of personage , if therwith he hath neyther wit , nor anye one commendable or skilful quality besydes , yet you ought not any thinge at all to despyse him : for though he differs perhaps greatly from you in beauty & fauour , and somethinge in comlines of shape ( wherin he far excelleth you ) and you perhaps differ lykewyse from him as greatl● in witt with many skilful & cunning qualityes of the mynd , wherein on the other side you do as farre passe and goe beyond him . ●et in truth you be both made of one mould , and he that gaue vnto hym that comely parsonage & shape of man could as wel haue geuen him the vnseemliest shape , and forme of the most vgliest beast in the worlde , from whom also your great giftes of wisdome and vnderstanding , doth likewyse procede , whom as wel he could haue made a very natural foole . and therfore to be short , though shauing entred according to your request into the boweiles , and inward partes of this man ) I do plainly se that wisedome & those qualities to be wantige in hym , which do flow in you , and that goodly and cumlye parsonage which is in hym , to be lykewyse wanting in you : yet I can no way see any great difference of estimation which rightly and lawfully can be had or made betweene you : he is as p●rfite a man in euery part ether outwardly or inwardly ▪ to serue that intent and purpose , for the which he was made as you , and you as hee .

Idlenes .

Sir ( not in maner as reprehending you , but with most harty thankes ) you haue troubled your self further then my intent was in this motion at the first to haue troubled you , & done more then I durst desire you : my meaning was not to haue craued your iudgement and opinion in the dutiful & equal estimation , which euerye man ought to beare one toward an other , in that wee be al brothers , and as children of one father : but according to the common course of the world ( which is , as forreiners & straungers , euerye man to pull out his nexte neighbours throat , for the gayninge to himselfe a halfepenny ) how here would you iudge he should be estemed .

Student .

As for my trouble it hath not bene greate , for your thankes I do as litle looke , and your mynde I do very well now vnderstand , and as for myne opinion in him accordig to the common course of the world , it may so fal out , that you & I therin shal mecte both in one mind , for the way is so playne as a blynd man almost may easily keepe the path I think hee shall bee taken and reputed in this worlde as a gaye and goodlye paynted sheath made at the fyrst for some choyse & special good mettalled kniues which now ( by misfortune beyng lost , or rashly cast awaye ) is ●amde full of dyrtye drosse , and rotten stickes : or otherwyse as a braue and lofty house , erected perhappes at the first , and mayntayned longe by some famous , wyse , and noble Prelates , and now inhabited , by a most infamous , ignoraunte , and base packe of spendalles . Who certainly be perswaded ( bearyng so goodly a house vppon there heads , thoughe they haue litle witte therin besydes : and commonly as litle money in their purses ) that they bee all in such generall and great estimation : as they iudge the very birds of the ayre , which by chaunce light vpon their houses , comes of purpose to yeeld them honor .

Wheras of truth , if some liberall sparing wyse men were in their roumthes , and by chaunce commttinge some such wanton and prodigall ouersight , they would rather think to themselues , that those byrdes came for to accuse them of their vayne and prodigall folly . But contrary to their such most ignoraunte and blynde perswations , the Worlde , doth altogether disalow and condemne them t●ough perhaps nere vnto theire such statelye and gallante seats , many knauish dissembling & flattering marchauntes , wil subtelye geue them many a cap and legge , more for there meat and drinkes sake , then eyther for loue or feare , which the prodigall man doth sy●dome see or vnderstand , nor yet doth remember the old prouerbe , no craft to the clouted shoo , which ( but by ● graue wyse , pollityke , and liberall sparinge men ) neuer was nor euer shal be kept in any good or peaceable order , where one blynde man leadeth an other , they both 〈◊〉 commonly into some dyke , wher two or many fooles be , and one of them appoynted to ouersee an other . They neuer leaue scratching or byting . Wher among many ignorants that haue smal understanding , as litle wit , & lesse knowl●dge in any thinge at all , one of them notwithstanding doth alwaies guide , & teach an other , how can they finde , or if as ●lynd men by chaunce they stumble vppon and finde , how can they keepe the right & playn way , vnto what place soeuer they seeke : what ioy would ther be ( thinke you ) among the pore britching boyes , and grammer schole children , if it might be lawfull for one of them to gouerne and teach an other , how ioyful would they be if they might haue more maysters then one or two , or halfe a dosen : for then many a waghalter would be in good hope , that when one of his maysters for some offence should goe aboute to britch him , some of the others perhappes for affections sake wil laboure as fast to saue him , wherof beynge deuided , they may fall into some iarre among them selues , and thereby the vnhappy wagg may happily escape a scowring . Truly to be short , I think in euerye thinge , one ignoraunte must needes leade an other ignorantlye , one blynd man doth leade an other blyndly , one foole an other foolishly : pa●ke and put to geather many crafty and subtill men , ther shall be nothing but deuising continually to wrangle , and one to deceaue an other : knitt likewyse to togeather a knotte of knaues , you shall see nothing but cosenage , quarellig , brawling and fighting . Perhaps you wil say to me , then ioyne wyse men togeather , and they no doubt must nedes very wel agree : but the corruption of this world is such , as I fynd by experience ( though it be agaynst reason , in that wisdome is so sure and perfect a guide vnto them ) that they wil oftentymes , and greatly iarre . But where you wil haue the wisdome and pollecy of man to beare anye sway , place him not to gouerne and commaund his equals , and much lesse his superiours . But whom is hee to commaund and rule ? let him bee in place of auctority aboue them , and then eyther for feare or loue they wil obay him .

Admit the chiefe captayne in a fielde of equal countenaunce , auctority , and rule with manye of his Souldiers , thinke you that they would leng agree . I think rather that the whole campe by theire continual disagrementes , that I am in as greate auctoritye as thou : and I as thou ▪ would very easily and soone be ouerthrowen and therfore according to wisedome and pollicy , one cheefe & head schole mayster in euery schole , doth alwaies and only bear the greatest sway , though somtime he hath diuers vshers vnder hym : one chief gouerner and ruler in euery field ( thoughe with many vnder captaines and petty leaders ) and not without great counsayl of wyse and experte men , doth alwayes beare the sword of rule , and euen so in euery like .

But wher you would haue the blinde man wel ledd , let his leader be of perfite and sound sight , wher you wil haue the crafty dissemblinge , and subtill man the simple fooles , the veryest knaues , the common clowted shooes , and all other sortes what so euer , kept in their dutyfull due , and cumlye good order , I woulde not haue you couple togeather like to like , though the olde sayynge may bee hadde in remembraunce . Simile amat simile , for it is most commonly proued to be true , that man oftentymes loueth that , which commonly doth him most harme .

But commit them vnder the gouernment and rod of the most grauest , wyse , and pollitick vsshers that possi●ly may be ●ound . Wherby the more likely you shall keepe them in awe : and thus my friend to finish my answeare vnto your question , as hear you may perceaue , the great wisedome and graue gouernment is not onely needfull and requisite , but very necessary for the mayntenaunce of euery godlye & gorgious house , and as well for the gouernment of a common welth , and that no man ( haue he neuer so gallant or braue a seate ) is esteemed in this world and common wealth worthy of rule , honor , and dignity , vnlesse hys wysedome and pollicy in good gouernment be agr●eable therunto , euen so is it with your welfauored and parsonable man , which accordinge to your discription wanteth both witte and all good quantyes .

Idlenes .

Sir you haue not now only resolued me of my question but you haue entred ( according to your saying that we shoulde both meete in a mynde ) into the verye same path wherein ● my self had determined to walke before a turn or two : for though my question was of a most welfauored and strayght ●●●de man , yet the cause therof was this owtward gorgious , & inwarde naked house , which you haue here de●cribed , wherof intending to vse some speach vppon a sentente of the most famous and learned ●ratour M. T Cicero I thought good to be boulde first to creepe ( by the sayd simile of the man ) into some part of your iudgement therin : wherin now with moste hartye thankes you haue verye wel serued my turne

Student .

If I haue any way pleasured you , I am very glad but whereas it seemeth by your wordes , your intent was to vse some speach , let not anye thinge that I haue sayde , hinder or stay your proceeding for if it be well or any thinge tollerable I wil allow therof : if otherwyse I wil wish it amended .

Idlenes ,

Sir nothing doubting of your friendly acceptaunce and good counsayle : this is the sentence whereupon I first grounded my purpose and intente .

M. T. Cicero .

Non domo dominus , sed domino domus honoranda est .

Idlenes Who list to build a lofty house , intending there a portly state Had neede lay wel his wits in souse , to keepe them fresh within his pate . A pouldring tub if rightly vsd , and seasond duely to his kinde : Which alwayes yeeldes his liquor sweete : and pleasde the tast of euery mynd . For buildinges braue be eas'ly made but hardly then they be mayntaind , If not by trickes of wisedoms trade , which teach vayne toyes to be refrainde , But he that should such toyes set downe as wisedome wish we should not vse , Might see him selfe in folly drowne in that most men would him refuse For who sees not the world is bent to pompe and prayse in euery thing , And nothing well if wisely syent hath eyes , but they be flattering . Conceipts of cost , without measure , are now so growen into delyte . As where no toy there no pleasure , which pleaseth not the wanton sight . Therefore synce we haue wealth at will and tyme in pleasure minde to spende , To haue of our delites our fill , let vs our selfe ro feasting bend . And now how shall th●s pleasant day or drousey if it so befall , Be brought to end and past away ? Good cheere sayth some is best of all , And then now whether shall we sayle , to him sayth one , where daynty fare And delicates do neuer fayle . nor yet of cost is any spare . For there a world of wanton wightes weshall not misse , but fynde most braue We can not wish for more delightes then there at all tymes , we may haue . We shall not there be bid welcome to such poore fare as we shall fynde , Nor yet see thinges onely handsome , but passing fyne of euery kynd . For biefe , veale mutton , pork or souse , geese capons ▪ hens with all such like ▪ They feede the serua●ntes in the house ▪ and all of Dayntyes v●e must picke , With ●ausy sallets of al sorte● of tast pleasaunt , with cos● plenty ▪ Wherof an hundred by reportes , will hardly one mau●atisfy . No common bread we shall neede eate b●● cast●●● , towers , and townes of golde In suget paste , with cost so great as sildome hath the like bene could Nor yet neede we drinke ale or beare , choyse of Wines be there so plenty , And dainty lippes fit for such cheare that house is neuer longe empty . Therfore now let vs ( as I say ) since tyme of pleasure serues so wel Goe passe away this pleasant day with him that beares away the bell .
Student . Oh friend I sigh to heare your vayne , and how this wanton world is bent To bring a virtue in disdayne , which is when wealth is wisely spent . For then it ought to be of right , accompted liberality When otherwise in wisedomes sigh● it is but prodigality , If this which you haue sayd be true as seemes experience hath you taught Wisdome might make your hart to ru● that you so oft such vice haue sought .
Idlenes , Why syr , say you thus of to this , as though it were a payne to heare Young men delight in fantasies with honest mirth and daynty cheare .
Student . I truely it is thought a payne to all wile ●en that euer wrote That heads so young should beat their brain to stroy such as they spye to do●e : For wisdome warneth vs to reach the ignorantes how to auoyde Destruction , yea wracke , or breach e●pying them therwith annoyde And not to trippe the blynd man downe , with ioy to see him ●umbling there For so you may deserue the crowne of knauery which many weare , The which I would be loth to see my frend should weare a●token playne Of fol●y fyxt in him to bee . which with the wise bread great disdayne But since we be all well agreed to passe sometime in pleasant cheare We wil not seeme to hunt for neede nor yet to buy our sport so deare That with returne our friendes shall see our credits are so crackt with shame As some sweete syrupe suckers be . for then of right deserue we blame . Such wanton steppes wewil not tread ▪ as to allure our friendes to charge . Since captayne Vanity such doth leade , as loue to cloy their friends at large For by such ●oyes as you haue namd , it is well knowne that many men Of much greate wealth haue bene so lamde , as now to begging they must leane . Who therfore will be partener . with such vayne wanoring heads at all , Must thinke himselfe the woithier to beare such blame as doth befall . But if you will take my aduyse , with such delightes as I thinke good We will not chuse our fa●e so nise , nor yet such Oste of wanton mood . The auntient house we all know wel , which shoring standes vppon the hill , Where such were euer wont to dwel , as alwayes had their wit at will : They euer tooke delite to leane vnto the saying of the wise , That measure is a meary meane and please al men of honest guise , Which hath them taught to guide so right , that house in hospitality , As come or goe by day or night . they wil not feed your iolity But for all plenty of good fare , no place to bountye more is bent , You shall not there fynd dishes bare nor yet see want of what is spent As for pastimes , with plasures fit , for gentlemen both young and ●●ld , You can nor wish by any wit , more meate , if you be wisely bould . And can your wh●es so wind at will , as to be fitt at each rebound . To mayne with some prety skill the balle of wit which tost is round . For there you shal not only haue your hunger fed with holesome cheare ▪ But you shal fynd delight to craue such pleasures oft to see and heare . It is not like your gluttons fare which happily lasteth for a yeare For here a wise man rules with care , and scrapes away all folly cleare . Therfore since now we be so light as ●apors , which the sunne drawes vp To be alluerd by weather bright , let vs first drinke of follyes cup. And then if all agree thereto this ydle tyme to passe away , As marchpaind mouthed wantons do we wil soone spend this pleasaunt day And thus wee see in euery place most men to this haue greate desire . With who shall show the lustiest face in costly , fyne , and braue attire , Which yeeldes them honor as they thinke , in places where they be not knowne ▪ And so from place to place they slinke . and weares perhaps more then their owne Wherby such thankles gluttons feede themselues ful oft in many a place Where many such as haue more neede dare not for shame once shew their face . For he that weares not cloth of gould with ●atten , veluet , or such like Must not among such gay●● be bould , as though he should his mates there seeke When he perhaps that weares his cote most playne i● oft the better man , Which wise men alwayes wel do note : and yet mend none do what they can . But such as pedlers packes do bear● if they by wealth aduaunced be He that should spy them fitting there , and tell them of this fond decree . Might luckely leape to saue his head from knockes , if they might him wel rea● For that in steed of suger breade . he sliceth them such sower leach . And yet to end I do admit the meanest man deserue may well Among the best sometyme to sit if wealth be wonne by great trauell . Or els by virtue of learning which doth the meanest man of all ( As our experience dayly bring ) to honor high most easely call . Wherto when they aduaunced be , by force of virtues paynful trade . They wel deserue in their degree such honor as by lawes are made And yet from whence the vines do spring of all virtues that euer were , As in the scholes of deepe learning , ●●ea● reasons swarme , who best should bea● But there they rest and all agree , as bees which buze abroad awhile , That learning wel deserues the fee of honor great , with noble style . And he whose wits most wisely wrest nobility longest to preserue , Must best be thought among the rest of right his honor to deserue .
Idlenes

SIr , you haue nowe bound me by dutye to gieue you most hartye thankes that thus friendly you haue bene contente ( for this short time ) to banish your selfe from your so earnest , graue , and profound studye , to accompany me with your friendly conceipt in th●se my dayne and ydle inuentions . And therfore now lest I should so long here at this tyme keepe you walkinge with mee in this my path of vanity , as hereafter when wee shall haue like occation to trouble you in crauinge your company agayne , you shall be vnwilling to graunte the spendinge of any time ( which is the most precious ●ewell in the whole world ) with such an endles busye , and ydle runninge brayne : I leaue heare at this tyme to trouble you any further , commending you vnto God , & to your seate and chayre of studye from whence you came .

Student

Friend Idlenes , though perhaps I am not so curious or coy in spending of my tyme for good felowship and company sake , as you suppose and think me to be : yet I may not any waye blame you , but rather do very well allow of this your such ready conceipte , & reasonable speech , wherin you seeme not only vnwilling greatly to assure or intise me vnto any folly : But also as loth , long to hould or kepe mee in anye path of ydlenes or vanity . For true it is , that notwithstanding most willingly hetherto , I haue concented to bestowe both tyme and speech accordinge to your request : yet as true it is , I would be very loth to consume or spende any longe tyme in such friuolous and vayne deuises . Thoughe for the companye of my frend I can somtyme be content to wade with him in some smoth , cleare & shallow flash of folly : yet I confesse I would be very loth to aduenture so far with him as to swim in any rongh , darke , or bottomles pit or puddle of wicked & fylthe vice . I would bee loth with a kinge to drowne in follye , though with my meanest frend ( as I haue sayd ) I can bee content to wade therein : willinglye I would not ( if I could otherwyse chuse ) goe to farre in any thing . But bearing alwayes in mynde the warninge of a wyse manne to leaue the Racke , and Maunger , and to take a snatch and awaye , with small hyndraunce vnto any of my wayghty affayres . I can at anye tyme in anye honest and cumlye toye of delighte or pleasure , recreate my selfe and accompany my frend .

But now as seemes vnto mee , perhappes you haue an ydle and wanton turne or two secretly to walke by your selfe , wherein you would not haue mee willingly behold your gesture : & therefore cunningly crauinge the riddaunce of my companye ( as though for feare of offence ) you commend me to my chayre , whereunto beyng verye well content to graunt you your such secrete , and cunning request , I am as willing to goe , and in likemanner as you commended me vnto God , I also in the same friendly manner , commend you not vnto him but to your owne inuention . Wishinge you to remember your owne counsayle now in your selfe , & not to walke to long in any your pathes of vanity . Yet I doubte verye much ( friende Idlenes ) to disswade you from vanity , for it wil most certaynly perswade a great number to accuse mee of vayne follye , and perhaps I may so deeply incurre ● displeasure of so many as durynge lyfe euer after , ( turne which way I will ) the blame of my such folly ▪ shall stil continually be blowen in my face : for setting curiosity asyde , to be playne , when your thicke , and bushye bee●●l● heade ( in shape much like to a hedge hogge halfe vnclosing himselfe , and shewinge his bare and naked face ) lieth rowled vnder an aperne , and tumbling in your sweete harts and wantons la● , busying the wabling belclarppe of your so vayn and ydle body , so greatlye to her good lyking and pleasure euery wa● , as shee seemeth not onely loth to leaue your company , but rather longing stil to continue her such pastyme , in playing with the soft and gentle prickes of that your rowlinge and ydle pate , and sometyme perhaps at your oft request and flattering intisement : yeelding with her smoth and tender lips to honor your hard and bruselled mouth . If then ( this merry gale of wynde , this sturring betwixte you , cuppling your ships to gether , and sayling outward in your voiage of delighte ) you bluntly by chaunce shoulde boulte cute this my friendly perswasion ( though secretely vouchsafed vpon you ) moning my speach the cause of your departure , vnto that your louing & wanton mouse , and in the middest of al your pleasure offer so to departe , then shall my secret , ( though vndeserued ) & pinching paynes begin , then shall I be so toste from tounge to tounge , from mouth to mouth , from place to place , and so sharply and shrewishly shaken vp among so many , as doubtles it were a thousand tymes better for any man , in the like pitiful case a mong them ( though not as a dogge ) to be tost in a blanket : they will say , let olde grayberde keepe his counsayle to himselfe . We will craue at his hands , his graue aduise , when we thinke good : because now by continuance of tyme , he is become from a clarke to a parrish priest , could he now be content to haue no clarkes at all ? could hee now fynd in his hart to be reader , singer and belringer , and al in his parish alone , surelye it were not amisse if hee were wel applyed , and kept to his tackle but one moneth , and then no doubt wee shall see him come creeping lasisy home with weary limnies : and then yf any man wil offer to take a rope out of his hand , you shal see hee will be as ready & as willing to let it goe as euer he was in his life to take it vp : then shortly after , you shall heare he wil as openly publish it , to be a deede of charitye to helpe the weake and surcharged man , as he hath alreadye secretly whispered in disalowing the wanton seruice of the stronge and youthful bodyes , and then will confesse that a helping hand is ●euer to be blamed , & espetially in those thinges which must needes be done .

Therfore waying wel the vanity of his speech , let vs not so easilye parte , as to breake of all good company for a white hayre . Frend Idlenes I know this wil be their saying : & besydes this , I know you haue many hangers on , very diligent & daily studients , desirous to immitate you in this your ydle art , and to learne your cunning slayghtes in rockinge in Venus lappe , prickinge in , and picklyng out sometymes pinhes out of her pi●case , thrumming of apern strings & with many other ydle deuises : and ther fore friend iniury , since in disswadinge you accordinge to my former speech , I shal seeme to perswade many a thousand from that which they wil be verye loth to leaue , and in so vaynly wastinge my wynde shall appeare as much an ydle packe as the best , I recante my former perswasion , and thus do commend you only heare vnto your naturall , vayne , & ydle inuentions .

Idlenes .

Sir you seeme so gamesome & pleasaunt in this your reply vppon my late and friendly farewell , as I thinke you could be content to remainestil with me , bathing your selfe in this my lasye tub ( as you terme it ) and vessel of ydle vanity : therfore know this I am not so inclind vnto that vice of ingratitude , I haue bene so vnciuisly or so vnmannerly brought vp ▪ that when any man friendly vpon good wil , as though desyrous of my company , shal come vnto me , that then after ● whyle eyther by secret speeches or cunning gestures , I wil seeme so weary of him , as rather desyrous of his rou●●th then of himselfe , for truly it is nothing agreable eyther vnto my nature or to my bringing vp and much lesse , when I my selfe shall be first desirous of his company . But I must confesse you are blameles , though you did mistake me , for you cannot be so well acquaynted with my nature and meaning in any thing : as I am with the naturall disposition of you , and of all the world besides . I agree well with you , if I were according to the common nature and disposition of men , beyng in company with my friendes and familiars , I woulde sometymes wish , and perhappes willinglye c●aue rather their roumth then their company . For admitting I were as other men bee , and as you your self in your youthfull dayes heretofore haue bene : then perhaps and not vnlike but it might be with me as it hath bene with you & many others , that some famous learned , & skilfull Astronomer , hath latelye bene with me , and by his or her misticall and wonderfull straunge knowledge , hath geuen me certaynly to vnderstand , that such a tyme , day and hower , and in such a place there shal without fayle appear vnto me very secretly a glorious , braue and goodly blasing starre : and that the place where it shal appeare , must needs be free , and cleere of al company , otherwise it will shew it selfe but as a playne and common star , without any blasing or stemming at all . Perhappes I haue appoynted secretlye to see some tumbling cast , with some pleasant and mery slayghtes of iugling trickes , and to draw more nerer vnto natural & playne understanding , not vnlike but I haue appoynted to kis some pretye wench in a corner : and now admittyng al this to be true ( as in many men it is daily seene , would any of my friendes , or acquayntance blame me , to shew them cunningly some colour of desire to craue for a time rather their roumth then their company , I thinke none . There is also an other kynd of people , which do likewise and very often cunningly craue the riddaunce of company , which be in the English frase , the cormugions and couetous carles of this worlde , their natural disposition is , fyrst to scramble and scratch togeather if he can a liuing equal with the best yeman , gentleman , or squyre in his countrey , then stryuing to shroude himselfe vnder some ragged & little cottage , to serue no further then onely for necessity , or if a large or fayre house , then keeping his dores continually shut as though neuer at home , contenting hymselse willinglye , and all his houshold perforce with a sparinge and pinching dyet , doth chiefly feede and altogeather delight himselfe with the oft telling and continual sight of his money , as young men commonly do themselues , in the sight of their louers . And now admit some young heads and merye companions knowing his abilitye & understanding his miserable & beggerly mind husying their brayns cunningly to work him som slayghty , prety , & slipry trick , doe agree among themselues vpon some high & festiual day , knowing that then perhaps he hath a peece of biefe , a calues ●●ad or an oxe foote in the pot , & do apoint ● meeting of many neighbours the verye same tyme to dyne with him , bidden by a messenger in very good & due order , as though very sollomly bidden by him : then dinner time drawing nere , seruice beyng done , & euery man departinge to his house , this pore , miserable & wretched miser doth sit stil in his seate fearing greatly that if sodaynly he should thronge or presse out among the thickest , some or other would so cūingly minister such occation of talke with him , as eyther to shame him or els to inforce him home to dinner , but after a whyle looking oftentymes backward ouer his shoulder , and spying some stil remaynig behynd , not musing a litle at the meanig therof , at length rise th vp , & pulling his cap in his eyes , passeth away by them sneaking , as though he had nothinge to say or meddle with any of them all : but then euerye man rysinge vp ▪ with him , greatly to his admiration , and honoring him with cap and legge , accepting that hys gesture as a stately and graue behauiour in him . Some of them acco●pany him check by cheek with friend●y commendation , and great thankes for his vnwonted and friendly curtesy : and the rest following after hard vppon his heeles , playnly to his sight intendinge to accompany him home to dynner , as they thinke like bidden and welcome guestes , but as he thinkes like mallape●t impudent , and sausy marchaunts : if now it were possible to beholde euen at this instant , with our outward eyes , the strange thoughts and ymaginations of this pore , distressed , and miserable miser . I think the meriest company of stage players , that might be founde in a countrey , would hardly make more sport then he him selfe would do alone : for to see how glummishly hee glyeth aside , like a bere at a stake , and how manye stoppes and turnes he makes before he comes home , and how priuily he banneth them , wishing the Deuill and his dam to choke them all , the sight thereof no doubt , if it were possible one horse face might laugh at an other , woulde make any horse in the world to break his halter , I can but wish that I hadde eyther Apelles or Zeuxes skil , in the science of paynting and that I could as perfectly paynt him , with his countenaunce according to my imagination , as Zeuxes paynted his grapes , or as Apelles his sheete , which were so cunninglye done on both partes , as euer since to bee had in great estimation , but neuer to bee paternd : the one of them Zeuxes , ( as our bookes do report ) amonge many other of his notable workes , paynted ( as before named ) a naked boy with a bunch of grapes as though growing vpon his shoulders , which were so perfite to the outward sight , as the very byrdes of the ayre , came and lited vppon the boyes shoulder & continually picked vpon the grapes , and though they found no sa● : yet as appeared by their oft resort , they could not be perswaded , but the grapes they must needes bee , and in that they could neuer pick out any iuice , they seemed rather to impute it to the bluntnes of the bylles , then to the drynesse of the grapes : for they went continually to a stone which was fast by , and alwayes whet their bylles and so still continued their resort vntil it was taken awaye . The other paynter Apelles hearing of this excellent peece of worke , destred Zeuxes that a day might be appoynted of meetinge betwixte them two before some gentlemen of their friendes & acquaintance , and to passe away somtyme , and to delight the sight of their friends desyred him to bringe of his workes , what he thought good , & that he would do the like , wherunto Zeuxes agreyng at the day appoynted among many other wonderful , straunge , and notable works he brought this naked boy with the grapes vppon his shoulders , Apelles amonge diuers other lyke wyse very cuning and skilful works , brought a table couered with a white sheete , & then in viewing euery man the others workes , Apelle greatly commended the perfit colour and forme of the grapes , & nothing disalowing of al the rest : & then Zeuxes commendinge likewise ( no otherwyse then iust cause doth require ) the per●it workmanship in each point of Apelles , desired after all that he would take away the white sheete which couered his table , for hee would be glad if he might to see all , them Apelles smiling to hymself sayd , friend Zeuxes , since you are so desirous , I wil not be so ingrateful as to deny you : yet my meaning was when I first brought it not euer to vncouer it , because I founde some fault with my selfe therin , & therfore was the more loth to show my fault vnto straungers : but since you haue don all this at my request , I wil not herein denye you yours : therfore euen at your pleasure goe and take it of your self , for I will bee loth to condempne my selfe , I hadd rather an other manne shoulde condempne me . Then saide Zeuxes , na friende Apelles , if so bee that you doubte any discredite therby . I will not desire it for any money . But Apelles answearinge : I force not for the discredite among my frendes : take it of and spare not . Then Zeuxes drawing nere vnto it as one with chyld , til he had seene what was vnder , layd both his handes vppon it at both sides , catchinge to take holde of the sheete , and suddaynly finding it to be but a paynted colour and no sheete in truth turnde him aboute agayne , with great admiration , & sayd among them al , that wheras Zeuxes had cunningly ( as the world thought ) deceiued the birds . Apelles hath here more cunningly deceiued Zeuxes , for where as in truth I thought to haue taken of a shete , I haue but scratchte at a paynted coloure of white : & thus with many other pleasant and prety conceiptes Apelles at that time bare away the bell . And now if I had lyke skil vnto eyther of these , whether thinke you that my t●me spent in paynting of this man would be lost or no. But it is wel knowen ( the more is the pitye for this man ) I am neither Apelles nor Zeuxes , but playne ydlenes . And therfore nothinge meete to paynte him out so orderly as the natural shape and countenaunce of the manne doth require .

But leauing the pleasant show vnto the cunning paynter , & admitting this to be true ( as I thinke it hath bene put in vse ) could you or any man els blame this sylly miserable , & wretched muckemunger or the world to be rather desyrous of the roumth than of the company of these secret inuited & bidden guestes : surely for my part I thinke you cannot but rather you must holde him excused .

Therfore syr , to conclude this my long and tedious speech perhaps vnto you . If I were ( as I haue sayde before ) agreeable with the common course and nature of men , you might wel haue gathered by my speech , that I was desyrous of your roumth and cleanlye ryddaunce . But myne estate & callinge is such , as no company , be it euer so great can impouerish me , or diminish or take away any delite from me at all . For the more companye , the greater is my riches and delite if they wil content themselues with mee and any dyet : I am none of Shamfastes children , I blush not whosoeuer lookes vppon mee . And therfore thinke not that I did commend you vnto your study , because I was desirous ( as you tooke it ) to daunce a turne or two priuily or wantonly alone .

For since you seeme so willinge and contente with my company , with al my harte , I will make you partaker in all the reste of my causes , which at this tyme I intende to bringe in question , & besydes , rather then you shal thinke me ( as you haue thought ) weary of your company . If you wil accept of this my arte and symple skyll . I came and will afford you , for euery hower in the day , for euery day in the yere , and for euery yeare durynge your lyfe , seueral questions , with many pretye conceiptes at all tymes to busy and occupye your selfe withall : as presentlye shall appeare , yf you will vouchsafe vnto mee your friendly audience .

Student

Friend Idlenes , you say , and true it is , that you are acquaynted with the nature and disposition of all estates , far better then I am , or euer shal be able to conceiue , and that by reason of your long experience and continual company with all men : then must I needes now think and certaynly perswade my selfe , that you are not now vnacquaynted , nor to learne the qualityes of a knaue . There is an old saying and oftentymes founde to be true . ni , fa , pa , con : admitte you were a teacher of the common people , or a scholemayster ouer manye children as no doubt somtime you are , beyng a great medler , and busye bodye in any thing , & dayly intruding your selfe into euery vocation , & calling from the highest to the lowest whatsoeuer , as a most ydle & mery companion : staring as boldlye vppon a Kinge as you doe vppon the meanest & playnest begger : if a man may aske you a question : how would you open vnto the common people , or howe would you teach your younge schollers to vnderstand the meaninge of these 4. wordes , ni , fa , pa , con .

Idlenes

Sir I am no more nice in aunswearing then I am in putting forth . But to tell you the truth ( which I thinke you do already know ) it pertaynes nothing at all vnto mee to be a teacher , though sometymes I confesse I am in company with manye wyse and learned men . for where I acompany most , there they learne and teach least : & litle or nothing tendinge to goodnes , is euerbrought in question , vnlesse it be at a verye greate chaunce : and then also am I fayne to depart as one whose companye is so little esteemed , as though nothing necessary at all , & yet the meaninge of this shorte sentence , me thinkes I shoulde easilye vnderstande , and the rather because I haue hard it oft . I think ( to be short ) it is as much to say : as , Nimia familiaritas parit contemptum . And by this may a scholler easily vnderstand the meaning and for the instruction of the common people , it is as much to say , as to much familiarity breedeth contempt .

Student .

Friend Idlenes I see you are not altogeather an ignoraunte , thoughe you confesse your selfe neuer to bee in company wher any godnes is taught : as it seemeth knowledge comes to you by inspiration , but wherof I know not : you haue hit the right way of play●● instruction to a Scholler : but as to the common people , you haue left it as raw as you found it , though you haue spoken it in English , for the ignoraunt & common people do as wel vnderstand English , for the most parte , as they vnderstande greeke : though somtime vnderstanding nothing they verily thinke they vnderstand all : and vnderstanding as much as a block , they thinke the greatest doctor in the world can hardly amend them , yet they will saye , is it not english ? and am not I an English man ? why then I pray you may not I vnderstand it ? but it may be aunsweared , are ther not many English men ignorauntes ? yes , why may not you then be an English ignorante , but there is an old prouerbe , ignorance is an enemy to knowlege , it is commonly seeme , an ignorant man wil alwaies fynd faults and dissalow of those things wherein hee hath no skill● , and fyndes a fault where no fault is to be found , and especially when impudency is ioynd vnto his ignorance : for then he will profes him self● before eyther his prince or any wyse or learned counsaile , thinking his owne wit ( when he is a very foole ) to be best of al ? but as the old saying is : who is so bould as blynd bayarde ? who thinks he knowes more then hee that knowes nothing at al : for the wise & learned wil say , hoc solum scio quod nihil scio . I only know this that I know nothing at al. And the foole sayth , what know not I ? whereuppon the wise man sayth with the Phisition it is time for wise men to hold there peace , when euery foole will be a Phisition . And therfore my friend to make this plain English more plain as wel vnto you as to the common people : whereas you say , to much familiarity breedeth contempt : this is yet as I haue said hard lattine vnto the common people , for it is impossible euer to be to familiar with a wise & honest man , how therfore now can this sentence seemetrue in al , since it can not be sometyme to much it can not alwaies breed contempt : and therefore though the sentence of it selfe be true , yet to the common understanding you haue opened it to darkly . the plain english is this : to much familiarity bredeth contempt , that is , to be checkmate at any time , & haile fellowe to much with a knaue or a foole , and no doubt hee wil take therby such impudent courage , as after a while you shal fynde to bee most true , that he will not greatlye sticke in anye companye what soeuer , to spyt in your mouth when you passe the Streetes talkinge with your frend , he wil not be ashamed to come and colle you about the neck , if you chaunce in frendly manner to geue him but one friendlye worde , or merye looke , you shal not fayle of a thousande agayne , with many a counterfet wrong shapen & croked countenaunce if so curteously sometime by chaunce you entertayne him as to set him at your borde , you shall fynd him somtime in your lap when you would wish him further of : if at any tyme for your pleasures sake , you wil vouchsafe to talke with him in the presence of his betters . Afterwa●d perhappes when you shall be reasoning with your friend , hee wil be ready with his sausy toung to haue a choppe at euery word that shal proceed from your mouth , and thinks it a glory vnto him if he be a meane man , your inferiour a knaue or a foole , that he may so boldlye chop logicke with one that is so farre aboue him , and his better ,

And what is the common speach sometyme of the veriest knaue in a country ? will not he say , ( being alwayes in quarrell and continuall ●ar with his neighbours , geuing them oft tymes his own name ) the proudest ●●aue of you al shal offer mee no wronge , I can goe to my Lorde and to my ●adye , and to the best gentleman in the shire early or late , to dinner or to supper , or at any tyme when soeuer I Iust , I can speak as boldly vnto them as I can vnto my fa●●●ltar friend & brother , when a thousand such drummedaries and playne knaues , as you be , must stand at the dore , or if you chance to come in , then with cap in hand , and many a low curtesie . And therfore you playne knaues of the countrey : how da●e you abuse me ( he might say ) the capital and captayne knaue of the worlde : & how can the pore countrey man answear him since oftentymes they fynd and see these his sayings to be true . They haue nothing u● the world to say , but when the knaue is out of sight , then to whisper amonge themselues , and say , the more knaue the better luck : it we could as cunningly play the knaues , as he , we should eate sometyme veneson , and haue other good theere among the best , as wel as hee : but since our bringing vp hath not bene to beare cunninglye two faces in one hood : or like the subtill woulfe , to goe wrapt in a lambes skinne , or like a crafty and flatteryng knaue to keepe continuall company among gentlemen in auctoritye and rule , as though hee were the honest est man in the worlde : wee must content our selfe as many honest poore men do , to put vp , daylye iniurye and wronge at manye an arrant knaues hande . The crafty knaue doth continually picke out more friendship with his Tounge then the simple man euer could with his inforced and lamentable teares . Yet we must needes agre that teares at all tymes are not to bee pitied , for often tymes in a man they be token greate dissemblinge , vnlesse his cause bee the greater , and to a woman some will say they be natural , and take away her teares , take away her lyfe : & therfore the lesse to be blamed , though sometyme she weepes for euery tryfle : for wee see by experience that she wil wepe & laugh , and both with one mynd oftentymes very hartely , and that most commonly without any disgrace to her credite or fauour at all : it shewes playnly that she wil sone be angry & soone pleased , and therin she kepes stil the nature of the soft and gentle child , & he that offers a child wronge , hath but small witt and discretion : it hath sildome bene seene , that mallice coulde neuer rust in a womans hart : where it continually ebs & flowes there remayneth litle corruption the continuall runninge riuers we see alwaies most cleere at the bottom , & the standing puddles continually ful of ●ilth : cast as much grauel & stones into the one as you can , and shortly after with one flow you shall see it as clean at the bottom as it was before : cast as much and as litle as you wil into the other , if you come 7. yeare after you shal fynd it stil at the bottom . this standing puddle we se is neuer cleane , but once in 7 year it hardly escapes vnfyde , either with a muckrom or with a swords poynt . The other we see it so continually cleer , as it needes not to bee side . in the one we see duckes and geese continually swilling and bibling for todes ▪ in the other we see fisher men with their siluer hookes continually anglinge for fish , with greate pastime and pleasure , the one is for the hogge to wallow in & sometyme for the Oxe and the Cow to drink in , that other for gentlemen to hake at , & sometymes perhappes to watter their nagges in : & thus if your eye sight be any thing clear , you may plainly see that teares at a womans eye , be tokens in her a myld and gentle hart , cleare at the bottom from all enuye and malice , though sometymes perhappes at the first it beginnes of a curst and a shrewish stomake , as for disgrace which sometimes it bringes vnto the fauour of her face , it is with women as it is with men : it is a comly sight in some man to looke a loft like a lyon , in some other it is a thing very vnseemly .

Speech and continuall talking , becommeth some men very wel : few words or rather continuall silence , becommeth an other man as well , it is a good sight to see some men in costly and gorgious apparel , according to the vanity of the tyme , to see other some it is as good a sight as to see a curre dogge in a satten dublet : for a prety spaniell it is a great deale better . Is it not a good & commendable sight to behold some man in his side gowne and white sirples , and euery way besides in the best and most conly attyre which pertaineth to a graue and diuine minister ? Doth not a shorte coat a payre of hye buckled shooes , and a capp with a butten on the crowne , become an other man as well in his vocation ( as the countrey husband man ) is it not as good a sight to see an egregious offender , and a common breaker of the Princes lawes punished accordinge to his offence , as it is to see the obedient and true subiect , continuallye cherished and made of ? to be short , what soeuer is thought cumly for an honest man , is neuer thought meete for a knaue , and though somtime he puts it on it makes hym appeare but a counterfet . Put a beluet coate vppon a knowen naturall , and common foole , is he not more to be laught at then if hee were in his pyde cot● : bringe an egregious and knowne knaue in place to play the part of an honest man , were it not a thing rather to be laught at then commended ? vnlesse he ment neuer to reuert agayne , which is ●ildeme seene ? in the behauioure of man , there be manye iestes , and experience teacheth vs that euery one of them becomes not euery man alyke . But alwayes according to the natural dispotition and bringing vp of the man , they yee de their comly and vncomely grace in him , euen so is it ( to come vnto my purpose ) as I haue sayd amonge the women : for that which doth verye well set forth & become one woman , doth as greatlye disgrace & disuiger an other . but there a straw : in that I know ( as I haue sayd , women be soone angerd , and then without a sodaine ebbe , theirharts wil sone sinck in sorrow , therfore I wil not meddle to far with them . yet thus much I hope I may boldlye say with the philosopler , who spake more in commendation of the teares of a woman ( beyng rightly wayed ) then I wil at this tyme vtter , that a teare at som womans eye doth yeelde far more beautifull and comelye grace vnto the fauour of her , then the fayrest and best dyamond that may bee found doth vnto the pretiest ring , or most pretious iewel in the worlde : and thervpon that philosopher said , that a teare in many a womans eye is a pearle in a mans . But leauing the Philosopher with all his skill , they neuer proceede hartely from them ( I think surely ) with out som great cause of vnkindnes or greefe . But as is said , with men no doubt , for the most part it is taken for dissemblinge , & yet often we see , they are inforced therto by naturethough it can not excuse them . But frend Idlenes , this leads vs with the Lapwing cleane from our matter , touching the behauiour of a knaue , & the construction of my late demaunde , and whereunto I haue replyed according to your answer , as I haue thought good : for I haue shewed you a more playner Construction of the sentence whiche I putte forth vnto you , then you in my iudgement did make at the first & therfore now what think you of my construction made thereof .

Idlenes .

Sir to geue vp shortly myne opinion ( being very loth ●o hinder or interrupt your purpose in any spech at this time ) to my knowlege , you haue opened no more than is true : but whether you haue declared al the truth therof or no I know not .

Student

No friende Idlenes I meane not to beate my braynes to open all that is true , for if I could do so I might fill a house or rather a whole country ful of books , which were vnfit for anye ydle bodye to take in hand . But admittinge ( as you haue graunted ) that all I haue sayd is true , I haue sufficiently obtayned my desire , for then I hope as you in youre first question propounded vnto me , crept into my iudgement , by a simile , & therby ( as you sayd ) gathered myne opinion in a further matter which serued your turne : euen so now haue I as well serued mine , in that you haue confessed my construction of the sentence put forth vnto you , to be true in euery poynt : for now I thinke you wil easily see & soone confesse your owne fault .

Therfore frend iniury cal your wits togeather , and remember wel your selfe when you first tooke occasion to presse your selfe into my companye , desirous as you seemed verye friendlye to craue sometime of conference with me , finding your speech and behauiour so agreable vnto my good lyking , I was content to entertayne & admit you into my society and companye , as heretofore hath appeared , and to allow of your familiar & boulde speech , as if you had bene my chiefe companion and mate : & now you vaunt of your victory , that you haue won me to lye bathinge my selfe with you in your lasy and ydle tubbe with your alluring sweete water of vanity . And now as though I would not wish the spending of one hower willinglye without your company : you offer your selfe to hange about my necke , as though you were with mee hayle fellowe wel met . But frend ydlenes , when I first entertained you ( I finde now as a boulde geast ) I ment nothing lesse , nor yet do I mind , to wrap you ( as gentlemen & gentlewomē●o their ribonds & chaynes ) aboute my neck . I would be loth to be sene carying you ( as begers do their childeren ) vpon my back : therfore since vpon thys small familiarity vouchsafed vpon you ( as one of shameles children ) you begin to creep vpon my backe , no doubt you wil shortly fulfil my former speach , to spit into my mouth . But friend ydlenes , neither my neck nor my mouth be any fit places for you , I haue otherwayse to imploy them : & now setting partiality aside , be your owne iudge whether the old saying , to much familiarity breedeth contempt , be here found true in you or no : and when you know your selfe to bee the vaynest member in the word , then stryue not to dallye any further with me in defending or answearing of any thing , for I mynd no longer to trouble my selfe , nor to spend any more tyme in hearynge your ydle deuyses : therfore wher as you say , you can feed me with ydle questions euery hower in the day , euery day in the yeare , and euery yeare duryng my lyfe , if I wil but graunt you audience : I wish you rather to bestow them and your selfe also wher you list : and thus in stid of audience I grant you here my roūth . It hath bene an old sainge , many geese many birdes , many women many words : but you haue idle talk plenty for a whole countrey , both of men & women , therefore sone as to late , I yeeld vnto you the game betimes .

Idlenes .

If I shoulde thus bee lefte at euerye hand , I might wel then go and seeke a companion in the Skyes . But this is nothinge straunge vnto mee , for I am oftentimes thus banished and sent away & yet after a while presently sometime and priuily intertayned agayn .

But since now for a tyme I am very lyke to be left here all alone , I wil imploy my self according to the ydlenes of the place .

Idlenes

Primus iucundus tolle-RANDVS , ATQVE secundus tertius est vanus : sed fetat quatridianus .

Primus . Who geastwise gape at euery feast his host the first tyme hartely Sayth welcome sir , among the rest , and ioyes to feede his fantasy ,
Secundus . But if the sweetnes of the fare , glewe stil the glutton there to staye , And that he pyne , if he should spare to presse agayne the like assay . The goodman then for manners sake wil bid him welcome as his frend , Content his folly so to take , as though ther were no more behynd .
Tertius . But then if there such roote remayne of shameles shiftes so rype in him As that he can not yet refrayne , But stil in follies puddle swim . He shall the third tyme come in vayne , with wordes of welcome none at all , And must haue scarsely for his payne , one drop of drincke vnlesse hee call .
Quatridianus . The fourth , the fault doth smell amayne goe place syr smell rost then in hall , Or with lack drum me him entertayne without the dores with dogges to braule . His stomack stampes , as hunger slayne , to gorge such geastes it is a payne . Who wisely can himselfe so strayne to match such mates shall greatly gayne For now such suckpaps olde do ●aygne , which after dugges that drop good chea● Do so much dayly fond and fayne , as no place can from them be cleere ,
For wearing of ringes . FOr that it is a prouerbe olde , the winners may best weare the gold We knubby knuckels rusty rough do see more fit to lead the plough , Which fond to see their fingers shyne , in steede of fatt , with goulden myne But wisely wayed it is most vayne and bringes such thinges in geat disdayne , When ringes be knackes for euery knaue for then no wisemen wil them craue But were it trim to ring the nose I thinke I might soone fynd out those That would to please their daynty gyrles rend that with ringe and pretious pearles . Disorder marreth euery thinge so doth miswearyng of your ringe , Cost is comly wher order is good order therfore should not misse And such as weare them as they ought the worthier then shall they be thought But some men thinke and so do I that natures flesh when it is bare , Without such pearles or paultery if fayre , is fittest for the glare . For when dame Venus playnly showes her selfe in natures naked weed Your eyes then flye not after crowes , but slayes to feede your wanton neede . To this the wisest men of all As we see dayly they be thrall But as for pearles of pretious stones they passe not for they be but toyes , And gaudy geaugawes for the nones , which they accompt as childish ioyes . But since they haue bene greatly vsd though much perhappes by some abusd It is not good to take awaye such comly costly gold array . But who so vseth it aright reserues the thumbe as for the knight And here in order as they lye , your finger rynges you may apply .

Miles , Marcator , Stultus , nuptie , & amator .

☞ ☜

To weare the ringe vpon the thum is for the Knight .

The forefinger for the Marchaunt .

The middle finger for the Foole

The third finger for the maried man .

The little finger for the Louer .

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The Knight sayth in his ring , no vaunt to victory . The Marchaunt in his . no foe to Fortune . The Foole in his no cost to colours . The Maryed man in his no iarre to ielousy . The louer in his no friende to fayth . 1 The Knight in field in armour clad , in eye of foes which fayne his fall He sayth he sighes when truse is had : no vaunt to victory great or small . 2 The marchant saylyng in his Ship , With trafficke far and neere for gayne , Still doubring lest he once should slip , no foe to fortune sayth he playne . 3 The Foole in folly fettered fast , led forth fond fancyes most to craue He cares not what doth wast or last . no cost to colours ( sayth he ) braue . 4. The maried man great griefes indure , and oft his hart new panges supply , And yet nothing can him allure but sayth no iar to ielousye , 5 The louer liues and reapes the ioyes of all the worlde , and thus he sayth Where true loue lackes the rest be ioyes the earth doth beare no friend to fayth . The rich man restles loth to heare of all sortes some to speake theire mynde . And he to seeme of couldest cheere . Who can them all in wealth outwinde . Sayth ( tumbling vp his rusty bagges loth to see his glistering gould Abroad to flye lyke tattered ragges ) no woe to want when I am old .
The Kinge . Omnes vos defendo . I defend you all . The king and ruler of the Realme by strength of sword and counsayle grau● Shrinkes not to s●ryue agaynst a streame from furious force his seate to saue . He neuer quayles nor fightes in feare his hand and hart alwayes agree , No force of armes that man can beare . can stay what he intendes to bee . The strongest streames of riuers wide by Princely power are made to fall , They stop not him to goe or ryde for bredth or depth , his foes to gall . What castle , tower , or strongest hold yeelds not in view of princely force , And stoupes with crackes as weake & ould to geue him way to take his course . And graunt him , though a countrey small of trusty strong and faythful hartes He neuer feares as once to fal , though all the world besides take parts The earth the substance is of man from whence all creatures first were made And thence our liuely fode began . now mayntaynd by this golden trade . Which once let slacke but for a whyle it shortly after wil appeare . Who is most wise wil vse least wile and shal most sone shew couldest cheere . And therfore thus among the rest to speake the truth he may be bould That from the worst vnto the best hee feedes all sortes both younge and olde . The Phisition . Omnes vos edo . I eate you all . Where liberall Artes do all take roote from thence Phifitions most do spring● A trade which if they win , doth boo●e them greatly all , much weath to bringe He ●vholly lyeues vpon his art , Wh●●● 〈…〉 all his age He hath no 〈…〉 mart 〈…〉 asswage . Which doth all sortes of men so wring as few or none can lacke him long . And where the empty purses cling they must abyde the paynful prong For if he should of pitty spend With all poore payned soules his tyme , He might himselfe to begging bend , which were in him a haynous crime . But rich or pore who hath a grote , though he perhaps be hunger slayne , That wil not keepe it from his throte to ease his heauy hart of payne . Whereto he oft with grieued mynd sees men so driuen all to spende And sparing not to speake his kind sayth he eates all vp at the end . The light woman . Omnes vos decipio . I deceaue you all . This woman is by natures shape , and forme to sight so beautifull As happy he whose eyes escape most cleanly there to take a pull . He neuer any tenant skeare , before the cheefest lord of all , Commaund him as his messinger , such tenant to his Lord to call And then he comes to him in speede with such a doleful deadly sound , Which makes the strongest harte to bleede , and yeeld his body to the grounde . He spare●no king for all his strength , nor any man for pollicy Nor Woman for beauty at the length but calles in time them all to dye . Therfore my haruest tyme sayth he , doth neuer cease some where to fall But ●ype , or rotten as you be , my cyth in fyne cleare sheeres downe all ▪
Youthful age . But youthful age , thus death doe blame , And shootes this boult with wanton aime , That were I Death or Death could be and were I then as I am now , Fayre women sure should syldome dye vntil their age did make them bow . If Death did manlike deale his dole , he could not shew that cruelty To hayle such into vgly hole which loke on him so pitiously . But wantons some perhaps wil say that women they haue hartes most strong And oft sing merily careaway soone after many a paynful prong , Which can not well with reason be , since dayly sight doth teach vs this , They neuer naked weapon see but streyght they faynt worse skeard then hur● Her strenghe of body is most small the weakest man that may be founde If any strength he hath at all , soone tryps her downe , she treades so ligh● Therfore me thinkes great reason might ▪ perswade this raging Death to spare Such weaklinges from that paynfull plight , to choke them with such sower fare . Then can by arte be wel displayde , to Death claymes neere affinity Therefore the louer rightly sayde and can by none be wel denayed That sure it is a deadly payne to loue and not be loued agayne . And nere therwith I make an end true loue is sure a faythful friende , When true loue parts it is a death though stil in breast remaynes the breath . More liuing deathes I might well name which kepes mans life in death like frame When clounish clookes of knaues preuaile ●o force the guiltles hartes to quaile . But the●e a straw till leasure serue , such clownlike shape in brasse to carue And thus to knitt the finall knot death stil wil be the latter lot , The which God graunt all men may draw , with price of euerlasting ioy , And then their debts be dubble payd , whom now the worldly wronges annoy .
FINIS
Mors tua , mors Christi . Fraus mundi gloria coe●i . Et dolor inferni , Sunt meditanda tibi . That Christ did die , that thou must die , the worldly fraude , the heauenly ioy , The endles bitter paines of hell , ●osse them ( as tenis balles ) in minde , But hereat some perhaps will sticke , and say , who alwaies thinkes of death Shal neuer looke with chearefull face , but swa●te , and wan , and halfe as dead . Whereby appeares , whome nature hath forbidden beauties siluer show , To good more prone and ready be , then they whom nature hath decoerd . The one I will not maserate saith he my plumround physnomie My straight made lim● I will not crooke to thinke of death , of deuill , or God , The other saith my fauour is harde , my body croukie , of all despisde , The world I leaue it loues not me I ioy to thinke on heauenly thinges . The happy blessed man doth loth this worldly life . The wicked stryues in what he can , to whet still pleasures knife . The wicked wighte bewayles the sight of deadly naked dart : To blessed plight it bringes delight , who gently yeeldes his hart , Vita principium mortis , Mors vltima linia rerum . Lyfe is the first begynning of Death , and death the last end of all . Man peepes no sooner out his vitall breath to take , But death him compasse round aboute his subiect strayght to make By speech or pen the busy men Who most in wordes delight . Must needes afford the last cold worde to death which is his right . FINIS .
The Compositor to the Auctour . AS tyme doth teach and rule the roming mynd , So tyme hath brought thy toyling taske to ende : As tyme hath licenst vs to seeke and fynd , So tyme doth warne vs compt thee as a frend : And s●th thou toyes thy Golden tyme to spend For Countries sake some profite pure to be , Tyme warnes vs all due thankes to render thee . Who merits fame , renowne , or lasting prayse But onely those that toyle in Countryes cause ▪ Who beares the bell in these our dismall dayes , But they which can discribe the curious clause ? Therfore post on my pen and do not pause . Till thou hast playd with speede a thankeful part To lawde and prayse the Authors willinge h●rt . You musing myndes that murmur in delight , Come lend your Eares to heare a word or twayne , Turne backe one leafe , cast of all hateful spyte , To learne this lesson do not now disdayne : Do you not know what hateful wordes do gayne ? Be of good cheere O Thimelthorpe I pray , Passe not a pin what prating Parrats say . Thou sowed hast the seede for vs to reape , We of thy toyle the sugred sweete do taste : And sith it comes to all of vs so cheape , Therof we wil not wantonly make wast : A friendly looke in fayth the wyse will cast , For that is all I know that thou dost craue , A thousand thankes therfore be sure to haue . For Memus mates , or for their fury fell , Passe not a whit , esteeme them as they are : Let them goe bathe in Lymbo lake of hell : Thy fame shall liue for euer take no care : And if that I could learnedly prepare My pen to paynt out verses pure and braue , Thy name should liue when corps lye cloesd in graue . Yet I which haue but weake and simple skill , Can well discerne the good from bad I know , The wyser sort when they haue viewd their s●ll And tost this Pamphlet ouer too and froe , I ken my selfe what count'naunce they w●● show : The faultes therein the 'il not impute to thee , But iudge the Printers presse in part to be ,
To the Reader , Good Reader , syth thou hast perus●e the same , And mayst agayne at pleasure thyne behould It faultes thou fynd the Auctor do not blame , No furious word agaynst him do vnfold , But ( vse thy pen ) in mending ought be bould , A wryter sure as yet he is but young , Therefore to laude him exercise thy toung . So wilt thou win the worthy prayse of all That here among graue wryters do remayne . Of gentle bloud accompt thee sure wee shall , Flye far from taunts which still thy name doth staine , And from the face of false enuyous trayne , Eke call to mynd what Volumes still we see , That safe from faultes can not excused bee . The Learned man will see , and litle say , The witles w●ght his toung lyes neuer still . A good report if wyse men shew alway , Let prating peysauntes prattle what they will . When they their venim haue spewd out their fyll , The wyse will iudge what folly merits then And who doth purchase prayse the best of men .
Finis , R S.