Albumazar Tomkis, Thomas This text is an enriched version of the TCP digital transcription A13802 of text S118449 in the English Short Title Catalog (STC 24100). Textual changes and metadata enrichments aim at making the text more computationally tractable, easier to read, and suitable for network-based collaborative curation by amateur and professional end users from many walks of life. The text has been tokenized and linguistically annotated with MorphAdorner. The annotation includes standard spellings that support the display of a text in a standardized format that preserves archaic forms ('loveth', 'seekest'). Textual changes aim at restoring the text the author or stationer meant to publish. Martin Mueller Incompletely or incorrectly transcribed words were reviewed and in many cases fixed by Madeline Burg Heejin Ro This text has not been fully proofread EarlyPrint Project Evanston IL, Notre Dame IN, St.Louis, Washington MO 2017 Distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License A13802.xml Albumazar. A comedy presented before the Kings Maiestie at Cambridge, the ninth of March. 1614. By the Gentlemen of Trinitie Colledge. Tomkis, Thomas, fl. 1604-1615. 43 600dpi TIFF G4 page images University of Michigan, Digital Library Production Service Ann Arbor, Michigan 2005 March (TCP phase 1) 99853656 STC (2nd ed.) 24100. Greg, I, 330(a). 19049 A13802 2240933976

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 Albumazar. A comedy presented before the Kings Maiestie at Cambridge, the ninth of March. 1614. By the Gentlemen of Trinitie Colledge. L'astrologo. Tomkis, Thomas, fl. 1604-1615. Porta, Giambattista della, 1535?-1615. [84] p. Printed by Nicholas Okes for Walter Burre, and are to be sold at his shop, in Pauls Church-yard, London : 1615. 1615

Anonymous. By Thomas Tomkis.

An adaptation of: Porta, Giambattista della. L'astrologo.

Partly in verse.

Signatures: A2 B-L4.

Reproduction of the original in the Folger Shakespeare Library.

 A13802 shc Albumazar Tomkis, Thomas Madeline Burg Heejin Ro 1615 play comedy shc no A13802 S118449 (STC 24100). 86 28421 0 0 0 5 0 0 1.72 B The rate of 1.72 defects per 10,000 words puts this text in the B category of texts with fewer than 10 defects per 10,000 words. Incorporated ~ 10,000 textual changes made to the SHC corpus by Hannah Bredar, Kate Needham, and Lydia Zoells between April and July 2015 during visits, separately or together, to the Bodleian, Folger and Houghton Libraries as well as the Rare Book Libraries at Northwestern University and the University of Chicago

ALBVMAZAR .

A Comedy presented before the Kings Maiestie at Cambridge , the ninth of March , 1614 .

By the Gentlemen of Trinitie Colledge .

LONDON , Printed by Nicholas Okes for Walter Burre , and are to be sold at his Shop , in Pauls Church-yard . 1615 .

Dramatis Personae . An Astrologer . Theeues . Theeues . Theeues . An old Gentleman . His seruant . Pandolfo's Farmer . Antonio's Maid . Antonio's sonne . Pandolfo's sonne . Antonio's daughter . Pandolfo's daughter . A Curtezan . An old Gentleman .
The Prologue . THe brightnesse of so great and faire a presence , They say , strikes cold amazement . But I feele Contrarie effects . For from the gracious center O' th Honorable assembly , some secret power Inflames my courage ; and , me thinkes , I am growne Taller by th' vertue of this Audience . And yet thus rais'd , I feare there 's no retiring . Ladies , whose beauties glad the whole Assembly , Vpon your fauours I impose my businesse . If 't be a fault to speake this forraigne language , ( For Latine is our mother tongue ) I must intreate you To frame excuses for vs ; for whose sake Wee now speake English . All the rest , we hope , Come purposely to grace our poore endeuours ; As we to please . In whose faire curtesie We trust ; not in our weake abilitie .
ALBVMAZAR .
Act. 1.
Scoen. 1. Enter ALBVMAZAR , HARPAX , RONCA . ALBVMAZAR . COme braue Mercurials sublim'd in cheating , My deere companions , fellow-souldiers I' th watchfull exercise of Theevery : Shame not at your so large profession , No more then I at deepe Astrologie . For in the dayes of old , Good morrow Theife , As welcome was receiu'd , as now Your Worship . The Spartans held it lawfull , and th' Arabians , So grew Arabia , Foelix ; Sparta valiant . RONC. Read on this lecture , wise ALBVMAZAR . ALB. Your patron Mercury in his mysterious character , Holds all the markes of th' other wanderers , And with his subtile influence workes in all , Filling their stories full of robberies . Most Trades and Callings much participate Of yours ; though smoothly gilt with th' honest title Of Merchant , Lawyer , or such like : the learned Onely excepted ; and hee 's therefore poore . HARP. And yet he steales one author from another . This Poet is that Poets Plagiary , And he a third's , till they end all in Homer . ALB. And Homer filtch't all from an Aegyptian Preestesse . The world 's a Theater of theft . Great rivers Rob smaller brookes ; and them the Ocean . And in this world of ours , this Microcosme : Guts from the stomack steale , and what they spare , The meseraicks filch , and lay 't i' th liver : Where ( least it should be found ) turn'd to red Nectar , T is by a thousand theevish veines convey'd And hid in flesh , nerues , bones , muscles and sinewes , In tendons , skin and haire , so that the property Thus altered , the theft can never be discovered . Now all these pilfries couch't and composd in order , Frame thee and me . Man 's a quick masse of the every . RONC. Most Philosophicall ALBVMAZAR ! HARP. I thought these parts had lent and borrowed mutuall . ALB. Say they doe so : 't is done with full intention Nere to restore , and that 's flat robbery . Therefore go on : follow your vertu's lawes Your card'nall vertue , great Necessity , Wait on her close , with all occasions . Be watchfull , haue as many eyes as heauen , And eares as harvest : be resolu'd and impudent , Beleeue none , trust none : for in this Citie ( As in a fought field Crowes and Carkasses ) No dwellers are but Cheaters and Cheateez . RONC. If all the houses in the towne were prisons , The chambers cages , all the settles stockes , The broad gates gallowses , and the whole people Iustices , Iuries , Constables , Keepers and Hangmen , I 'de practise spite of all , and leaue behind mee A fruitfull seminarie of our profession , And call them by thy name Albumazarians . HARP. And I no lesse , were all the Citie theeues As cunning as thy selfe . ALB. Why brauely spoken , Fitting such generous spirits : I le make way To your great vertue with a deepe resemblance . Of high Astrologie . Harpax and Ronca List to our profit : I haue new lodg'd a pray Hard by , that taken is so fat and rich 'T will make vs leaue off trading , and fall to purchase . HARP. Who is 't ? speak quickly . RON. Where good Albumazar ? ALB. 'T is a rich gentleman , as old as foolish . Th' poore remnant of whose brain that age had left him The doating loue of a yong girle hath dried : And which concerne's vs most , he giues firme credit To Necromancy and Astrologie , Enter FVRBO . Sending to me , as one that promise both . Pandolfo is the man . HAR. What old Pandolfo ? ALB. The same : but stay , yon 's Furbo whose smoothest brow Shines with good newes , and 's visage promises Triumphs and Trophies to 's . FVRBO playes . RON. My life h 'as learnt out all , I know 't by 's musicke ; Then FVRBO sings this song . Beare vp thy learned brow ALBVMAZAR , Liue long of all the world admir'd , For Art profound , and skill retir'd To cheating by the height of starres . Hence , Gypsies , hence , hence rogues of baser straine , That hazard life for little gaine : Stand off and wonder , gape and gaze a farre At the rare skill of great ALBVMAZAR . FVRB. Albumazar , Spread out thy nets at large , here 's fowle abundance : Pandolfo's ours , I vnderstand his businesse Which I filch't closely from him , while he reveal'd T' his man , his purposes and proiects . ALB. Excellent ! Thankes to this instrument : for in pretence Of teaching yong Sulpitia , th' old mans daughter , I got accesse to th' house , and while I waited Till she was ready , ouer-heard Pandolfo Open his secrets to his seruant : thus 't is . Antonio , Pandolfo's friend , and neighbour , Before he went to Barbary , agreed To giue in marriage . ALB. Furbo , this no place Fit to consider curious points of businesse . Come let 's away , I 'le hear 't at large aboue . Ronca stay you below , and entertaine him With a lowd noise of my deepe skill in Art . Thou know'st my Rosy modesty cannot do it . Harpax vp you , and from my bed-chamber , Where all things for our purposes are ready , Second each beck , and nod , and word of ours . You know my meaning . HAR. Yes , yes . FVR. Yes sir . Furbo goes out singing , Fa la la Pandolfo's ours .
ACT. 1. SCEN. 2. RONCA . PANDOLFO . CRICCA . RON. THere 's old Pandolfo , amorous as youthfull May , And gray as Ianuary . I 'le attend him here . PAN. Cricca , I seeke thy aide , not thy crosse counsell , I am mad in loue with Flauia , and must haue her : Thou spend'st thy reasons to the contrary , Like arrowes 'gainst an Anuile : I loue Flauia , And must haue Flauia . CRI. Sir you haue no reason , Shee 's a yong girle of sixteene , you of sixty . PAN. I haue no reason , nor spare roome for any , Loue 's herbinger hath chalk't vpon my heart , And with a coale writ on my braine , for Flauia ; This house is wholy taken vp for Flauia . Let reason get a lodging with her wit : Vex me no more , I must haue Flauia . CRIC. But sir , her brother Lelio , vnder whose charge Shee 's now , after her father's death , sware boldly Pandolfo neuer shall haue Flauia . PAN. His father , ere hee went to Barbary , Promis'd her me : who be he liue or dead , Spight of a Last of Lelio's ▪ Pandolfo Shall enioy Flauia . CRIC. Sir y' are too old . PAN. I must confesse in yeares about three score , But in tuffe strength of body , foure and twenty , Or two monthes lesse . Loue of yong Flauia , More powerfull then Medea's drugges , renew's All decay'd parts of man : my Arteryes Blowne full with youthfull spirits , moue the bloud To a new businesse : my withred Neru's grow plumpe And strong , longing for action . Hence thou poore prop Of feeblenesse and age : walke with such sires As with cold palsies shake away their strength , And loose their legges with curelesse gouts . Pandolfo New moulded is for Reuels , Masks , and Musick . Cricca , String my neglected Lute , and from my Armory Skowre my best sword , companion of my youth , Without which I seeme naked . CRIC. Your loue , sir , like strong water To a deplor'd sicke man , quick's your feeble limbs For a poore moment . But after one night's lodging You 'l fall so dull and cold , that Flauia Will shrike and leape from bed as from a Sepulchre . Shall I speake plainer , sir ? Shee 'l Cuckold you : Alas shee 'le Cuckold you . PAN. What mee ? a man of knowne discretion , Of riches , yeares , and this gray grauity ? I 'le satisfy 'r with gold , rich cloathes and iewels . CRIC. Wert not farre fitter vrge your son Eugenio To wooe her for himselfe ? PAN. Cricca bee gone , Touch no more there : I will and must haue Flauia . Tell Lelio , if hee grant m' his sister Flauia , I 'le giue my daughter to him in exchange . Be gone , and finde mee heere within this halfe houre .
ACT. 1. SCEN. 3. RONCA . PANDOLFO . RON. T Is well that servant 's gone : I shall the easier Wind vp his master to my purposes . PAN. Sure this some novice of th' Artillery , That winke's and shoots : sir , prime your peece anew The powder 's wet : tick . tock . tick . tock . RON. A good ascendent blesse me : sir are you frantick ? PAN. Why franticke ? are not knockes the lawfull courses T' open doores and eares ? RON. Of vulgar men and houses . PAN. Whose lodging 's this ? is 't not th' Astrologers ? RON. His lodging ? no : 't is the learn'd Phrontisterion Of most divine Albumazar . PAN. Good sir , If the doore breake , a better shall redeeme it . RON. How ! all your land sold at a hundreth yeares purchase Cannot repaire th' dammage of one poore rap , To thunder at the Phrontisterion Of great Albumazar ? PAN. Why man ? what harme : RON. Sir , you must know my master's heauenly braine Pregnant with mysteries of Metaphisickes , Growes to an Embryo of rare contemplation , Which at full time brought forth , excel's by farre The armed fruit of Vulcan's Midwifry That leapt from Iupiter's mightie Cranium . PAN. What of all this ? RON. Thus one of your bold thunders may abortiue And cause that birth miscarry , that might haue prou'd An instrument of wonders greater and rarer Then Apollonius the Magitian wrought . PAN. Are you your Masters Countrey-man ? RON. Yes : why aske you ? PAN. Then must I get an Interpreter for your language . RON. You need not ; with a wind instrument my master made , In fiue dayes you may breath ten languages As perfect as the Divell , or himselfe . PAN. When may I speake with him ? RON. When 't please the starres . He pul's you not a haire , nor pare's a naile , Nor stirre's a foot without due figuring The Horoscope : sit downe a while and 't please you , I see the heavens incline to his approach . PAN. What 's this I pray you ? RON. An engine to catch starres , A mase t' arrest such Planets as haue lurk't Foure thousand yeares vnder protection Of Iupiter and Sol . PAN. Pray you speake English . RON. Sir , 't is a perspicill , th' best vnder heauen : With this I le read a leafe of that small Iliade That in a wall-nut shell was desk't , as plainly Twelue long miles off , as you see Pauls from Highgate . PAN. Wonderfull workman of so rare an Instrument ! RON. 'T will draw the Moone so neere that you would sweare The bush of thornes in 't prick your eyes : the Chrystall Of a large Arch multiplie's millions , Worke 's more then by poynt blanke : and by refractions Opticke and strange , searcheth like th' eye of truth , All closets that haue windowes . Haue at Rome , I see the Pope , his Card'nals and his mule , The English Colledge and the Iesuits , And what they write and doe . PAN. Let me see too . RON. So farre you can not : for this glasse is fram'd For eyes of thirty : you are nigh threescore . But for some fifty miles 't will serue you , With helpe of a refractiue glasse that 's yonder . For triall sir : where are you now ? PAN. In London . RON. Ha you found the glasse within that chamber ? PAN. Yes . RON. What see you ? PAN. Wonders , wonders : I see as in a Land-shappe An honorable throng of noble persons , As cleare as I were vnder the same roofe . Seemes by their gracious browes , and courteous lookes Something they see , which if t b' indifferent They 'l fau'rably accept : if otherwise They 'l pardon , who , or what they be , I know not . RON. Why that 's the coure ! at Cambridge forty miles hence , what else ? PAN. A Hall thrust full of bare-heads , some bald , some busht , Some brauely branch't . RON. That 's th' Vniversity Larded with Townes-men . Look you there : what now ? PAN. Who ? I see Douer Peere , a man now landing Attended by two Porters that seeme to grone Vnder the burthen of two loades of paper . RON. That 's Coriatus Persicus , and 's obseruations Of Asia and Affrick . PAN. The price . RON. I dare not sel 't . But here 's another of a stranger vertue : The great Albumazar by wondrous Art , In imitation of this Perspicill , Hath fram'd an Instrument that multiplies Obiects of hearing , as this doth of seeing , That you may know each whisper from Prester Iohn Against the winde , as fresh as 't were deliuered Through a trunke , or Glosters listning wall . PAN. And may I see it sir ? blesse me once more . RON. 'T is somthing ceremonious ; but you shall try 't . Stand thus . What heare you ? Pan. Nothing RO. Set your hands thus That th' vertex of the Organ may perpendicularly Point out our Zenith . What heare you now ? ha , ha , ha . PAN. A humming noyse of laughter . RO. Why that 's the Court And Vniuersitie , that now are merry With an old gentleman in a Comaedy . What now ? PAN. Celestiall musicke , but it seemes farre off . List , list , t is neerer now . RO. 'T is musick twixt the Acts . What now ? PAN. Nothing . Ron. And now ? PAN. Musicke againe , and strangely delicate . O most Angelicall ! they sing ! RON. And now ? Sing sweetly , that our notes may cause The heauenly Orbes themselues to pause : And at our musick stand as still As at Ioue's amorous will . So now release them as before , Th 'haue waited long enough , no more . PAN. 'T is gone , giue mee 't againe . — O do not so . RON. What heare you now ? PAN. No more then a dead Oyster . O let me see this wondrous instrument . RON. Sir , this is cal'd an Otacousticon . PAN. A Cousticon ? Why 't is a paire of Asses eares , and large ones . RON. True : for in such a forme the great Albumazar Hath fram'd it purposely , as fit'st receiuers Of sounds , as spectacles like eyes for sight . PAN. What gold will buy 't ? RO. I l'e selt you when 't is finish't : As yet the Epiglottis is vnperfect . PAN. ' Soone as you can , and here 's ten crownes in earnest . For when 't is done , and I haue purchasd it , I meane t' intail 't on my heires male for euer , Spight of the ruptures of the common law . RON. Nay rather giu 't to Flauia for her ioncture : For shee that marries you , deserues it richly .
ACT. 1. SCEN. 4. CRICCA . PANDOLFO . RONCA . CRIC. SIr , I haue spoke with Lelio , and he answer's . PAN. Hang Lelio , and his answer 's . Come hither Cricca , Wonder for me , admire , and be astonisht , Marvaile thy selfe to Marble at these engines , These strange Gorgonian instruments . CRI. At what ? PAN. At this rare Perspicill and Otacousticon . For with these two I l'e heare and see all secrets , Vndo intelligencers . Pray let my man see What 's done in Rome ; his eyes are iust as your's are . RON. Pandolfo , are you mad ? be wise and secret : See you th' steepe danger you are tumbling in ? Know you not that these instruments haue power T' vnlocke the hidden'st closets of whole states ? And you reueale such mysteries to a seruant ? Sir be advis'd , or else you learne no more Of our vnknowne Philosophy . PAN. Inough . What newes from Lelio ? shall I haue his sister ? CRI. He sweares and vowes he neuer will consent . She shall not play with worne antiquities , Nor lye with snow , and statues ; and such replies That I omit for reverence of your worship . PAN. Not haue his sister ? Cricca I will haue Flauia , Maugre his head , by meanes of this Astrologer I 'le enioy Flauia . Are the starres yet inclin'd To his diuine approach ? RO. One minute brings him . CRI. What Strologer ? PAN. The learned man I told thee , Th high Almanacke of Germany , an Indian Farre beyond Trebesond and Tripoli , Close by the worlds end : a rare Coniurer , And great Astrologer . His name , pray sir ? RON. Albumazarro Meteoroscopico . CRI. A name of force to hang him without tryall . PAN. As hee excels in Science , so in Title . Hee tels of lost plate , horses , and strayd cattell Directly , as hee had stolne them all himselfe . CRI. Or hee , or some of his confederates . PAN. As thou respects thy life , looke to thy tongue , Albumazar has an Otacousticon . Bee silent , reuerent , and admire his skill , See what a promising countenance appeares : Stand still and wonder , wonder and stand still .
ACT. 1. SCEN. 5 ALBVMAZAR , RONCA , PANDOLFO , CRICCA . ALB. Ronca , the bunch of planets new found out Hanging at th' end of my best Perspicill , Send them to Galilaeo at Padua ; Let him bestow them where hee please . But th' starres Lately discouered 'twixt the hornes of Aries , Are as a present for Pandolfo's marriage , And henceforth stil'd Sidera Pandolfaea . PAN. My marriage Cricca ! hee foresee's my marriage : O most Celestiall Albumazar ! CRI. And sends y' a present from the head of Aries . ALB. My Almanacke made for th' meridian And height of Iapan , giu 't th' East Indy company : There may they smel the price of Cloues and Pepper , Munkies and China-dishes fiue yeares ensuing ; And know th' successe o' th voyage of Magores . For in the volume of the Firmament Wee children of the starres reade things to come , As cleerely as poore mortals stories past In Speed or Hollingshead . RO. The perpetual motion With a true larum in 't to run twelue houres 'Fore Mahomets returne . ALB. Deliuer it safe T' a Turkie Factor , bid him with care present it From mee to th' house of Ottoman . RO. I will sir . CRI. Pray you stand here , and wonder now for mee , Be astonish't at his Gorgon , for I cannot . PAN. Vpon my life he proues a meere Impostor . Peace , not a word , be silent and admire . ALB. As for the Issue of th' next Summers warres , Reueal 't to none , keep 't to thy selfe in secret , As touch-stone of my skill in Prophesie . Be gone . RON. I goe sir . ALB. Signior Pandolfo , I pray you pardon me , Exoticall dispatches of great consequence Staid me ; and casting the Nativitie O' th Cham of Tartary , and a priuate conference With a Mercuriall intelligence . Y' are welcome in a good houre , better minute , Best second , happiest third , fourth , fift , and scruple . Let the twelue houses of the Horoscope Be lodg'd with fortitudes , and fortunates , To make you blest in your designes Pandolfo . PAN. Wer 't not much trouble to your starry imployments , I a poore mortall would intreat your furtherance In a terrestriall businesse . ALB. My Ephemeris lies , Or I fore-see your errant : thus 't is , thus . You had a neighbour cal'd Antonio , A widdower like your selfe , whose onely daughter Flauia , you loue , and hee as much admir'd Your child Sulpitia . Is not this right ? PAN. Yes sir : O strange ! Cricca admire in silence . ALB. You two decreed a counter-match betwixt you , And purpos'd to truck daughters . Is 't not so ? PAN. Iust as you say 't . Cricca admire and wonder . CRI. This no such secret : looke to your selfe , hee 'l cheate you . ALB. Antonio after this match concluded , Hauing great summes of gold in Barbary , Desires of you before he consummate The rites of matrimony , hee might goe thither , For three months ; but as now 't is three and three Since he imbark't , and is not yet return'd . Now sir your businesse is to me , to know Whether Antonio be dead or liuing . I 'le tell you instantly . PAN. Hast thou reveal'd it ? I told it none but thee . CRI. Not I . PAN. Why stare you ? Are you not well ? ALB. I wander 'twixt the Poles And heau'nly hinges , 'mongst excentricals , Centers , concentrickes , circles , and epicycles , To hunt out an aspect fit for your businesse . CRI. Meane ostentation ! for shame awake your selfe . ALB. And since the lampe of heauen is newly entred To Cancer , old Antonio is starke dead , Drown'd in the sea stone dead : for radius directorius In the sixt house ; and th' waning moone by Capricorn , Hee 's dead , hee 's dead . CRI. 'T is an ill time to marry . The Moone growes fork't , and walks with Capricorne . PAN. Peace foole : these words are full of mysteries . ALB. What ominous face , and dismall countenance Mark't for disasters , hated of all the heauens , Is this that followes you ? PAN. He is my seruant , A plaine and honest speaker , but no harme in him . CRI. What see you in my face ? ALB. Horror and darknesse , death and gallowses , I de sweare th' wert hang'd , stood'st thou but two foote higher , But now thy starres threaten a neerer death . Sir , send to toale his knell . PAN. What is he dead ? ALB. He shall be by the dint of many stabs : Onely I spy a little hope of scaping Thorough the clouds , and foule aspects of death , CRI. Sir , pray giue no credit to this cheater , Or with his words of Art hee 'le make you dote As much on his fain'd skill , as on faire Flauia .
ACT. 1. SCEN. 6. HARPAX . FVREO . ALBVM . PANDOLFO . CRICCA . HAR. STay Villaine , stay , though safety 't selfe defends thee Thou diest . FVR. Come do thy worst , thrust sure , or die . CRIC. For heau'n sake Gentlemen stay your hands , help , helpe . Help Albumazar . HARP. Thus to the hinderer Of my reuenge . CRIC. Saue me Albumazar . FVRB. And thus , and thus , and thus . CRI. Maister I die , I dye . HARP. Fliest thou base coward ? 't is not thy heeles can saue thee .
ACT. 1. SCEN. 7. ALBVM . PAND. CRIC. CRI. Ooh ! PAN. What ailes thee Cricca ? CRI. I am dead , I am dead , Trouble your selfe no more . PA. What dead & speakst ? CRIC. Onely there 's left a little breath to tell you . PAN. Why , where art hurt ? CRI. Stab'd with a thousand daggers , My heart , my lights , my liuer , and my skin , Pearst like a siue . PAN. Here 's not a wound , stand vp , 'T is but thy feare . CRIC. 'T is but one wound all ouer . Softly , ô softly : y' haue lost the truest seruant ; Farewell I die . ALB. Liue by my curtesie , stand vp and breath . The dangerous and malignant influence is past : But thank my charity that put by the blowes , The least of which threatned a dozen graues . Now learne to scoffe diuine Astrologie , And slight her seruants . CRI. A Chirurgion , good sir , a Surgeon . ALB. Stand vp man , th' hast no harme , my life for thine . PAN. Th' art well , th' art well . CRI. Now I perceiue I am : I pray you pardon me Diuine Astrologer . ALB. I do , but hence-forth laugh at Astrologie And call her seruants Cheaters . PAN. Now to our businesse : on good Albumazar . ALB. Now since the Moone passeth from Capricorne , Through Aquarius to the watry Signe of Pisces , Antonio 's drown'd , and is deuour'd by fishes . PAN. Is 't certaine ? ALB. Certaine . PAN. Then let my earnestnes Intreate your skill a fauour . ALB. It shall , but first I 'le tell you what you meane to aske me . PA. Strange ! ALB. Antonio dead that promis'd you his daughter , Your businesse is t' entreate mee raise his ghost , And force it stay at home til 't haue perform'd The promise past , and so returne to rest . PAN. That , that , y' haue hit it most diuine Albumazar . ALB. 'T is a hard thing ; for de preuatione ad habitum non datur regressus . O what a businesse what a maister peece 'T is to raise vp his Ghost , whose bodie 's eaten By fish . This work desires a Planetary intelligence Of Iupiter and Sol , and these great Spirits , Are proud , phantasticall : It ask's much charges , T' entice them from the guiding of their Spheares To waite on mortals . PAN. So I may haue my purpose , spare for no cost . ALB. Sir , spare your purse , wee 'l do 't an easier way . The worke shall cost you nothing . We haue an Art is cal'd Prastigiatory , That deales with spirits , and intelligences Of meaner office and condition , Whose seruice craue's small charges : with one of these I 'le change some seruant , or good friend of yours To th' perfect shape of this Antonio : So like in face , behauiour , speech , and action , That all the Towne shall sweare Antonio liues . PAN. Most Necromanticall Astrologer , Do this , and take mee for your seruant euer . And for your paines , after the transformation This chaine is your's , it cost two hundred pound Beside the iewell . AL. After the work is finish't , then — how now ? What lines are these that looke sanguineous ? As if the Starres coniur'd to do you mischiefe ? PAN. How ? meane you mee ? ALB. They 'r dusky marks of Saturne . It seemes some stone shall fall vpon your head , Threatning a fracture of the Pericrantum . PAN. Cricca come hither , fetch me my staffe againe , Three-score and ten 's return'd : A generall Palsie Shakes out the loue of Flauia with a feare . Is there no remedy ? ALB. Nothing but patience . The Planet threatens so , whose prey you are . The Starres and Planets daily warre together . For should they stand at truce but one halfe houre This wondrous Machin of the world would ruin . Who can withstand their powrefull influence ? PAN. You with your wisedome , good Albumazar . ALB. Indeed th' Aegyptian Ptolamee the wise , Pronounst it as an Oracle of truth ; Sapiens dominabitur astris . Who 's aboue there ? Ronca bring downe the cap Made in the point of Mercury being ascendent : Here put it on , and in your hand this Image , Fram'd on a Tuesday when the fierce God of warre Mounted th' horizon in the signe of Aries . With these walke as vnwounded as Achilles , Dip't by his mother Thetis . PAN. You bind mee to your seruice . ALB. Next get the man you purpose to transforme And meete mee heere . PAN. I will not faile to finde you . ALB. Meane while with Sciofericall instrument , By way of Azimuth and Almicantarath I 'le seeke some happy point in heauen for you . PAN. I rest your seruant , sir . AL. Let all the Starres Guide you with most propitious influence .
ACT. 1. SCEN. 8. PANDOLFO . CRICCA . PAN. HEere 's a strange man indeed , of skill profound : How right hee knew my businesse , 'fore hee saw mee , And how thou skoft's him when we talk't in priuate . T is a braue instrument his Otacousticon . CRIC. In earnest sir I tooke him for a Cheater ; As many , vnder name of cunning men With promise of Astrology , much abuse The gaping vulgar , wronging that sacred skill , That in the Starres reades all our actions . PAN. Is there no arches o're our heads , looke Cricca . CRI. None but the Arch of heauen , that cannot fall . PAN. Is not that made of Marble ? I haue read A stone drop't from the Moone : And much I feare The fit should take her now , and void an other . CRI. Feare nothing sir , this charm'd Mercuriall cap Shields from the fall of Mountaines : 't is not a stone Can check his Art , walke boldly . PAN. I do , let 's in .
Finis Act. 1.
Act. 2.
Scoen. 1. TRINCALO . ARMELLINA . TRINCALA .

HEE that saith I am not in loue , hee lies De cap à pe ; For I am idle , choicely neate in my cloathes , valiant , and extreme witty : My meditations are loded with metaphors , and my songs sonnets : Not a one shakes his taile , but I sigh out a passion : thus do I to my Mistresse ; but alas I kisse the dogge , and shee kicks mee . I neuer see a yong wanton Filly , but , say I , there goe's Armellina ; nor a lusty strong Asse , but I remember my selfe , and sit downe to consider what a goodly race of Mules would inherit , if she were willing : onely I want vtterance , and that 's a maine marke of loue too .

ARM.

Trincalo . Trincalo .

TRINC.

O 't is Armellina : now if she have the wit to beginne , as I meane shee should , then will I confound her with complements drawne from the Plaies I see at the Fortune , and Red Bull , where I learne all the words I speake and vnderstand not .

ARM.

Trincalo , what price beare's wheate , and Saffron , that your band 's so stiffe and yellow ? not a word ? why Trincalo ! what businesse in Towne ? how do's all at Totnam ? growne mute ? What do you bring from the Country ?

TRIN.

There 't is . Now are my floud-gates drawne , and I 'le surround her . What haue I brought sweete bit of beauty ? a hundreth thousand salutations o' th' elder house to your most illustrious Honour and Worship .

ARM.

To me these Titles ? is your basket full of nothing else ?

TRIN.

Full of the fruites of loue , most resplendent Lady ; a present to your worthines from your worship's poore vassaile Trincalo .

ARM.

My life on 't , hee scrap't these complements from his Cart , the last Load hee carried for the Progresse . What ha you read that make you grow so eloquent ?

TRI.

Sweete Madame , I read nothing but the lines of your Ladiships countenance , and desire onely to kisse the skirts of your garment , if you vouchsafe mee not the happinesse of your white hands .

ARM.

Come , giue 's your basket and take it .

TRI.

O sweete ! now will I neuer wash my mouth after , nor breath but at my nosthrils , least I loose the tast of her fingers . Armellina , I must tell you a secret if you 'le make much on 't .

ARM.

As it deseru's : what is 't ?

TRIN.

I loue you , deere morsell of modesty , I loue : and so truely , that I 'le make you Mistres of my thoughts , Lady of my reuenewes , and commit all my moueables into your hands , that is , I giue you an earnest kisse in the high way of Matrimony .

ARM.

Is this the end of all this businesse ?

TRIN.

This is the end of all businesse , most beautifull , and most worthy to be most beautifull Lady .

ARM.

Hence foole , hence .

TRIN.

Why now she knowes my meaning , let it worke : Shee put vp the fruite in her lappe , and threw away the basket : 'T is a plaine signe , shee abhorr's the words , and embraces the meaning : O lippes , no lippes , but leaues besmear'd with mel-dew ! ô dew no dew , but drops of Hony combs ! ô combs no combs , but fountaines full of teares ! ô teares no teares , but —

ACT. 2. SCEN. 2. PANDOLFO . TRINCALO . PAN. CRicca denie's mee ; no perswasions , Proffers , rewards , can worke him to transforme . Yonder 's my Country Farmer Trincalo . Neuer in sitter time good Trincalo . TRI. Like a leane horse t' a fresh and lusty Pasture . PAN. What rent do'st pay me for thy Farme at Totnam ? TRI. Ten pound ; and find 't too deere a peny-worth . PAN. My hand here : take it rent-free for three liues , To serue me in a businesse I 'le employ thee . TRI. Serue you ? I 'le serue , reserue , conserue , preserue , Deserue you for th' one halfe : ô Armellina , A Ioincture , hai a Ioincture ! what 's your employment ? PAN. Here 's an Astrologer has a wondrous secret To transforme men to other shapes , and persons . TRIN. How ? transforme things to men ? I 'le bring nine Taylors Refus'd last Muster , shall giue fiue Markes a peece To shape three men of seruice out of all , And grant him th' remnant shreds aboue the bargaine . PAN. Now if thou 'lt let him change thee , take this Lease ; Drawne ready ; put what liues thou pleasest . TRI. Stay , Sir . Say I am transform'd ; who shall enioy the Lease ? I ? or the person I must turne to . PAN. Thou , Thou . The resemblance last's but one whole day : Then home true Farmer , as thou wer 't before . TRIN. Where shall poore Trincalo be ? how 's this ? transform'd ? Transmuted ? how ? not I ; I loue my selfe Better then so : there 's your Lease . I 'de not venter For th' whole Fee-simple . PAN. Tell me the difference Betwixt a foole and wise man . TRI. 'Faith as much As twixt your Worship and my selfe . PAN. A wise man Accept's all faire occasions of aduancement , Flye's no commodity for feares of danger , Venter's and gaines , liues easily , drinkes good wine , Fare's neatly , 's richly cloath'd , in worthiest company ; While your poore foole and Clowne , for feare of peril , Sweat's hourely for a dry browne crust to bed-ward , And wake 's all night for want of moysture . TRI. Well , sir , I 'de rather starue in this my loued Image , Then hazard thus my life , for others lookes . Change is a kind of death , I dare not try it . PAN. 'T is not so dangerous as thou tak'st it ; wee 'l only Alter thy count'nance for a day . Imagine Thy face mask't onely : or that thou dream'st all night Thou wer 't apparell'd in Antonio's forme , And waking find'st thy selfe true Trincalo . TRI. T' antonio's forme ? was not Antonio a Gentleman ? PAN. Yes , and my neighbour , that 's his house . TRIN. O ho ! Now do I smell th' Astrologer's tricke : hee 'l steepe mee In souldiers bloud ; or boyle me in a Chaldron Of Barbarous Law French : Or annoint me ouer With supple oyle of great men's seruices . For these three meanes raise Yeomen to the Gentry . Pardon me sir : I hate these medcines . Fy ! All my posterity will smell and tast on 't 'Long as the house of Trincalo endures . PAN. Ther 's no such busines , thou shall 't only seeme so And thus deceiue Antonio's family . TRI. Are you assur'd ? 't would grieue me to be bray'd In a huge Mortar , wrought to paste , and moulded To this Antonio's mould : Grant I be turn'd : what then ? PAN. Enter his house , be reuerenc'd by his seruants , And giue his daughter Flauia to me in marriage . The circumstances I 'le instruct thee after . TR. Pray giue me leaue : this side saies do 't , this do not . Before I leaue you Tom Trincalo take my counsell . Thy Mistresse Armellina is Antonios Mayde , And thou in his shape maist possesse her . Turne . But if I be Antonio , then Antonio Enioyes that happinesse , not Trincalo . A pretty trick to make my selfe a Cuckold . No , no ; there , take your Lease . I 'le hang first . Soft , Be not so cholerick Thomas : If I become Antonio , Then all his riches follow . This faire occasion Once vanish't , hope not the like ; of a starke Clowne I shall appeare speck and span Gentleman . A pox of Ploughes , and Carts , and Whips , and Horses . Then Armellina shall be giuen to Trincalo , Three hundred Crownes her portion : wee 'l get a boy And call him Transformation Trincalo . I 'le doo 't sir . PA. Art resolu'd ? TRIN. Resolu'd ? 't is done : With this condition : after I haue giv'n your Worship My daughter Flauia , you shall then moue my Worship And much entreate me , to bestow my Maide Vpon my selfe , I should say Trincalo . PAN. Content , and for thy sake will make her portion Two hundred Crownes . TRIN. Now are you much deceiu'd I neuer meant it . PAN. How ? TR. I did but iest . And yet my hand , I 'le do 't . For I am mutable And therefore apt to change . Come , come sir , quickly , Let 's to th' Astrologer , and there transforme , Reforme , conforme , deforme me at your pleasure . I loath this Country countnance ; dispatch : my skin Itch'es like Snakes in Aprill , to be strip't off . , ô quickly , as you loue Flauia , quickly .
ACT. 2. SCEN. 3. ALBVMAZAR . PAND. RONCA . TRINC. ALB. SIgnior Pandolfo , y' arriue in happiest houre . If the seuen Planets were your neerest kindred , And all the Constellations your Allies : Were the twelue houses , and the Innes o' th' Zodiack Your owne fee-simple ; they could nere haue chosen A fitter place to fauour your designes . For the great Luminaries looke from Hilech , And midst of heauen in angles , coniunctions , And fortunate aspects of Trine and Sextile , Ready to powre propitious influences . PAN. Thank 's to your power and curt'sie that so plac'd them . This is the man that 's ready for the businesse . ALB. Of a most happy count'nance , and timber fit To square to th' gentry : his lookes as apt for changing , As he were cou'red with Camaelions skins . TRI. Except my hands ; and 't will be troublesome To fit these fingers to Antonio's gloues . PAN. Pray let 's about the worke as soone as may be . ALB. First choose a large low roome , whose doore 's full East , Or neere inclining : for th' Orientall quarter 's Most bountifull of fauours . PAN. I haue a parler Of a great square and height , as you desire it . ALB. Southward must looke a wide and spatious window : For howsoeuer Omar , Alchabitius , Hali , Abenezra , seeme something to dissent ; Yet Zoroastres , sonne of Oromasus , Hiarcha , Brachman , Thespion Gymnesophist , Gebir , and Budda Babylonicus , With all the subtile Cabalists and Chaldees , Sweare the best influence : for our metamorphosis Stoopes from the South , or as some say , South-east . PAN. This roome 's as fit as you had made 't of purpose . TRI. Now doe I feele the calfe of my right legge Tingle , and dwindle to th' smalnesse of a bed-staffe . Such a speech more turns my high shooes strait boots . RON. Nere were those Authors cited to better purpose . For through that window all Pandolfo's treasures Must take their flight and fall vpon my shoulders . ALB. Now if this light meridionall had a large casement That ouer-look't some vnfrequented alley , 'T were much more proper : for th' Intelligences Are nice and coy , scorning to mixe their essence With throng'd disturbance of crosse multitudes . RON. Spoken by Art . Albumazar : a provident setter : For so shall we receiue what thou hand'st out Free from discovery . But in my conscience All windowes poynt full South for such a businesse . PAN. Go to my house , satisfie your curious choyce , But credit me , this parler 's fit , it neighbours To a blinde Alley , that in busiest tearme-time Feeles not the footing of one passenger . ALB. Now then declining from Theourgia , Artenosoria , Pharmacia , reiecting Necro-puro-geo-hydro-cheiro-coscinomancy , With other vaine and superstitious sciences , Wee 'l ancor at the Art Prestigiatorie , That represents one figure for another , With smooth deceit abusing th' eyes of mortals . TRI. O my right arme ! 't is alter'd , and me thinkes Longs for a sword : these words haue slaine a Plow-man . ALB. And since the Moone 's the onely Planet changing : For from the Neomenia in seuen dayes To the Dicotima , in seven more to th' Pauselinum , And in as much from Plenilunium Thorow Dicotima to Neomenia , 'T is she must helpe vs in this operation . TRI. What townes are these ? the strangenesse of these names , Hath scal'd the marks of many a painfull haruest , And made my new-pil'd fingers itch for dice . PAN. Deeply considred wondrous Albumazar : O let me kisse those lips that flow with science . ALB. For by her various lookes she intimates To vnderstanding soules , that onely she Hath power t' effect a true formation . Cause then your parler to be swept carefully , Wash't , rub'd , perfum'd , hang'd round from toppe to bottome With pure white lunary Tapistry , or needle-worke ; But if 't were cloath of siluer , 't were much better . RON. Good , good ! a rich beginning : good ! what 's next ? ALB. Spread all the floore with finest Holland sheets , And ouer them faire damaske Table-cloathes , Aboue all these draw me chast virgins aprons : The roome , the worke , and workman must be pure . TRIN. With virgins aprons ? th' whole compasse of this Citie Can not affoord a dozen . RON. So , there 's shirts And bands to furnish all on 's for a twelue-month . ALB. An Altar in the midst , loaded with plate Of siluer , Basens , Yewres , Cups , Candlestickes , Flaggons and Beakers , Salts , Chargers , Casting-bottles . 'T were not amisse to mixe some Bowles of gold , So they be massie ; the better to resemble The louely brother-hood of Sol and Luna . Also some Diamonds for Iupiter . For by the whitenesse and bright sparkling lustres We allure th' Intelligences to descend . RON. Furbo and I are those Intelligences That must attend vpon the Magistery . ALB. Now for the ceremonious sacrifice , Prouide such creatures as the Moone delights in , Two sucking lambes , white as the Alpine snow : Yet if they haue a mole or two , 't will passe . The Moone her sefe wants not her spots . PAN. 'T is true . RON. Were they hell-black , wee 'd make a shift to eate them . ALB. White Capons , Pheasants , Pigions : one little Blacke-bird Would staine and spoyle the worke . Get seuerall Wines To quench the holy embers : Rhenish , Greeke wine , White Muskadell , Sheery , and rich Canarie , So 't be not growne too yellow : for the quicker , Brisker , and older , the better for these ceremonies . The more abundance , sooner shall wee finish . For 't is our rule in such like businesses , Who spares most , spends most : either this day must doo 't , Or th' reuolution of fiue hundred yeares Cannot : so fit are all the heauens to helpe vs . RON. A thousand thankes , thou 'lt make a compleate cheate . Thus loaded with this treasure , cheer'd with wine , Strengthned with meate : wee 'l carry thee in triumph , As the great Generall of our atchieuement . PAN. Sir , for rich plate and iewels I haue store , But know not how to furnish you with hangings . ALB. Cannot you borrow from the shops ? foure houres Shall render all as faire as you receiu'd it . PAN. That can I easily doe . ALB. And heare you sir : If you chance meet with boxes of white Comfites , Marchpane , dry sucket , Macarouns and diet-bread , 'T will helpe on well . RON. To furnish out our banquet . ALB. I had cleane forgot , we must haue Amber Greece , The grayest can be found , some dozen ounces , I 'le vse but halfe a dram : but 't is our fashion T' offer a little from a greater lumpe . PAN. All shall be done with expedition . ALB. And when your man 's transform'd , the chaine you promis'd . PAN. My hand : my deedes shall wait vpon my promise . ALB. Lead then with happy foote to view the chamber . PAN. I goe sir . Trincalo attend vs here , And not a word on perill of thy life . TRIN. Sir , if they kill me I l'e not stirre a foot , And if my tongue 's puld out , not speake a word .
ACT. 2. SCEN. 4. TRINCALO . CRICCA . TRIN. O what a businesse 't is to be transform'd ! My master talkes of foure and twenty houres , But if I mue these Flagges of Yeomanry , Guild in the seare , and shine in bloome of gentry , 'T is not their Strology , nor Sacrifice , Shall force mee cast that coat . I 'le neuer part with 't Till I be Shriefe of th' Countie , and in commission Of Peace and Quorum . Then will I get m' a Clarke , A practiz'd fellow , wiser then my Worship . And dominere amongst my fearefull neighbours , And feast them bountifully with their owne bribes . CR. Trincalo ! TRI. Weare a gold chaine at euery quarter Sessions , Looke big , and graue , and speak not one wise word . CR. Trincalo ! TRI. Examine wenches got with child , and curiously Search all the circumstances : haue blank Mittimusses Printed in readinesse ; breathe nought but Sirra , Rogue , ha ? how ? hum ? Constable looke to your charge . Then vouch a Statute and a Latine Sentence , Wide from the matter . CR. Trincalo . TR. License all Alehouses , Match my sonne Transformation t' a knights daughter , And buy a bouncing Pedigree of a welsh Heralt : and then — CRI. What in such serious meditations ? TRI. Faith no ; but building Castles in the aire . While th' weather's fit : O Cricca , such a businesse ! CRI. What is 't ? TRI. Nay soft , th' are secrets of my master . Lock't in my breast : he has the key at 's purse-strings . CRI. My masters secret ? keep it good Farmer , keep it , I would not lend an eare to 't if thou 'dst hire me . Fare-well . TRI. O how it boyles and swels : if I keep 't longer , 'T will grow t' impostume in my breast , and choake me , Cricca . CRI. Adieu good Trincalo , the secrets of our betters Are dangerous , I dare not know 't . TRI. But hear'st thou , Say I should tell , canst keep 't as close as I doe ? CRI. Yes : but I had rather want it . Adieu . TRI. Albumazar . CR. Farewell . TR. Albumazar . CR. Pre'thee . TR. Albumazar Th' Astrologer hath vnder-tooke to change me T' antonio's shape : this done , must I giue Flauia To my old master , and his maid to Trincalo . CR. But where 's Pandolfo and Albumazar ? TR. Gone newly home to choose a chamber fitting For transmutation : So now my heart 's at ease . CR. I feare the skill and cunning of Albumazar With his blacke Art , by whom Pandolfo seekes To compasse Flauia , spight of her brother Lelio , And his own sonne Eugenio that loues her deerely . I 'le loose no time , but find them and reveale The plot and worke to crosse this accident . But Trincalo , art thou so rash and ventrous To be transform'd with hazard of thy life ? TRI. What care I for a life , that haue a lease For three ? But I am certaine there 's no danger in 't . CRI. No danger ? cut thy finger and that paines thee ; Then what wil't do to shred and mince thy carkasse , Bury 't in horse-dung , mould it new , and turne it t' antonio ? and when th' art chang'd , if Lelio Smell out your plot , what worlds of punishment Thou must endure , poore Trincalo ! The desire Of gaines abuses thee : be not transform'd . TRI. Cricca thou vnderstandst not : for Antonio Whom I resemble , suffers all : not I . CRI. Yonder they come , I 'le hence and hast to Lelio .
ACT. 2. SCEN. 5. ALBVMAZAR . PANDOLFO . CRICCA . ALB. THe chamber 's fit : prouide the plate and hangings , And other necessaries : giue strict order The roome be cleans'd , perfum'd , and hang'd , meane while , With Astralobe , and Meteoroscope , I l'e finde the Cuspe and Alfriduria , And know what Planet is in Cazimi . PAN. All shall be ready sir , as you command it . TRI. Doctor Albumazar , I haue a veine of drinking , And artery of lechery , runs through my body : Pray when you turne me gentleman , preserue Those two , if t may be done with reputation . ALB. Feare not , I 'le only call the first , good fellowship , And th' other , ciuill recreation . TR. And when you come to th' hart , spoyle not the loue of Armellina . And in my braine leaue as much discretion As may spye falshood in a Tauerne reckoning ; And let me alone for bounty to winke and pay 't . And if you change me perfectly , I 'le bring y' a dozen knights for customers . ALB. I warrant thee : sir are you well instructed In all these necessaries ? PAN. Th' are in my table-booke . ALB. Forget not cloathes for th' new transform'd , and roabes For me to sacrifice : you know the fashion . I 'le rather change fiue , then apparrell one : For men haue liuing soules , cloathes are vnanimate . PAN. Here take this ring , deliuer it to my brother , An officer in the Wardrobe , hee 'l furnish you With robes and cloathes of any stuffe , or fashion . ALB. Almuten Alchochoden of the starres attend you . PAN. I kisse your hands diuine Astrologer .
ACT. 2. SCEN. 6. PANDOLFO . TRINCALO . PAN. VP quickly Trincalo to my child Sulpitia , Bid her lay out my fairest Damaske Table-cloathes . The fairest Holland sheetes , all th' siluer plate , Two gossips cups of gold : my greatest Diamonds : Make hast . TR. As fast as Alchochoden and Almuten Can carry me : for sure these two are Divels . PAN. This is that blessed day I so much long'd for : Foure houres attendance till my man be chang'd , Fast lockes me in the louely armes of Flauia . Away Trincalo . How slow the day slides on ! When we desire Times hast , it seemes to loose a match with Lobsters , And when we wish him stay , he imp's his wings With feathers plum'd with thought . Why Trincalo ! TR. Here sir . PAN. Come let 's away for cloath of siluer , Wine and materials for the Sacrifice .
ACT. 2. SCEN. 7. LELIO . EVGENIO . CRICCA . LE. Eugenio , these are wonders past beliefe . Is your old father of so poore a iudgement To thinke it in the power of man to turne One person to another ? EV. Lelio , his desire T' inioy your sister Flauia , begets hope , Which like a waking dreame , makes false apparence Liuely as truth it selfe . LE. But who 's the man That workes these miracles ? EVG. An Astrologer . LE. How deales Astrologie with transmutation ? CRI. Vnder the vaile and colour of Astrologie , He clouds his hellish skill in Necromancie . Beleeue it , by some Art , or false imposture , Hee 'l much disturbe your loue , and yours , Eugenio . LE. Eugenio , 't is high time for vs t' awake . And as you loue our Flauia , and I Your sister faire Sulpitia ; let 's doe something Worthy their beauties . Who falles into a sea , Swolne bigge with tempest , but he boldly beates The waues with armes and legges , to saue his life ? So let vs striue 'gainst troublous stormes of loue , With our best power , least after we ascribe The losse to our dull negligence , not Fortune . EV. Lelio , had I no interest in your sister , The holy league of friendship should command me , Besides the seconding Sulpitia's loue , Who to your noblenesse commends her life . LE. She cannot out-loue me , nor you out-friend me , For th' sacred name whereof , I haue reiected Your fathers offers , importunities , Letters , Conditions , Seruants , Friends , and lastly His tender of Sulpitia in exchange For Flauia . But though I loue your sister Like mine owne soule ; yet did the lawes of friendship Master that strong affection ; and denied him . EVG. Thankes euer , and as long shall my best seruice Waite on your will . Cricca our hope 's in thee , Thou must instruct vs : CRI. You must trust in Fortune That make 's or marr's the wisest purposes . LEL. What sai'st ? What thinkst ? CRI. Here 's no great need of thinking Not speech ; the oile of scorpions cure's their poison . The thing it selfe that 's bent to hurt and hinder you Offer's a remedie : 't is no sooner knowne But th' worst on 't is preuented . EVG. How good Cricca ? CRI. Soone as you see this false Antonio Come neere your dores with speeches made of purpose , Full of humility and compassion : With long narrations how he scap't from ship-wrack And other fain'd inuentions of his dangers : Bid him be gone ; and if he presse to enter , Feare not the reuerence of your father's lookes , Cudgell him thence . LEL. But wer 't not better Cricca Keepe him fast lock't , till his owne shape returne , And so by open course of Law correct him ? CRIC. No . For my maister would conceiue that counsell Sprung from my braines : and so should I repent it . Aduise no more , but home and charge your people , That if Antonio come , they driue him thence With threatning words , and blowes if need be . LEL. 'T is done . I kisse your hands Eugenio . EVG. Your seruant , sir .
ACT. 2. SCEN. 8. EVGENIO . CRICCA . FLAVIA . EVG. CRicca commend my seruice to my Mistresse . CRI. Commend it t' her your selfe . Mark't you not , while We talk't , how through the window she attended , And fed her eyes on you ? there shee 's . EVG. 'T is true . And as from nights of Stormes the glorious Sunne Breake's from the East , and chaseth thence the Clouds That choak't the Aire with horror ; so her beauty Dispels sad darknesse from my troubled thoughts , And cleare's my heart . FLA. Life of my soule well met . EVG. How is 't my deerest Flauia ? FLA. Eugenio , As best becomes a woman , most vnfortunate . That hauing lou'd so long , and beene perswaded Her chaste affection was by your's requited , Haue by delayes beene famish'd . Had I conceal'd Those flames your vertue kindled , then y 'had sued , Intreated , sworne , and vow'd , and long e're this Wrought all meanes possible to effect our marriage . But now . EVG. Sweet soule despaire not , weep not thus , Vnlesse you wish my heart should life-bloud drop , Fast as your eyes do teares . What is 't you feare ? FLA. First that you loue me not . EVG. Not loue my Flauia ? Wrong not your iudgement : rip vp this amorous brest And in that Temple see a heart that burne's I' th' vestall sacrifice of chastest loue , Before your beauties Deity . FLA. If so , Whence growes this coldnesse in soliciting My brother to the match ? EVG. Consider sweetest , I haue a father riuall in my loue ; And though no duty , reuerence , nor respect Haue power to change my thoughts : yet 't is not comly With open violence to withstand his will ; But by faire courses try to diuert his minde From disproportioned affections . And if I cannot , then nor feare of anger , Nor life , nor lands , shall crosse our purposes . Comfort your selfe sweet Flauia : for your brother Second's our hopes with his best seruices . FLA. But other feares oppresse mee : mee thinkes I see Antonio my old father , new return'd , Whom all intelligence gaue drown'd this three monthes , Enforcing mee to marry th' foole Pandolfo , Thus to obtaine Sulpitia for himselfe . And so last night I dream'd , and euer since Haue bene so scar'd , that if you hast not Expect my death . EVG Dreames flow from thoughts of things we most desire , Or feare , and seldome proue true Prophets , would they did . Then were I now in full possession Of my best Flauia : as I hope I shall be . CRIC. Sir , pray take your leaue , this to no end , 'T will but encrease your griefe and hers . EVG. Farewell Sweete Flauia , rest contented with assurance Of my best loue and seruice . FLA. Farewell Eugenio .
ACT. 2. SCEN. 9. SVLPITIA . FLAVIA . SVL.

FLauia I kisse your hands .

FLA.

Sulpitia I pray you pardon mee , I saw you not .

SV.

I faith you haue some fix't thoughts draw your eyes inward when you see not your friends before you .

FLA.

True , and I thinke the same that trouble you .

SV.

Then 't is the loue of a yong Gentleman , and bitter hatred of an old Dotard .

FLA.

'T is so , witnesse your brother Eugenio , and the rotten Karcase of Pandolfo . Had I a hundred hearts , I should want roome to entertaine his loue , and the other's hate .

SV.

I could say as much , were 't not sinne to slander the dead . Miserable wenches , how haue we offended our fathers , that they should make vs the price of their dotage , the medcine of their griefes , that haue more need of Physick our selues ? I must bee frost-bitten with the cold of your Dads winter , that mine may thaw his old ice with the Spring of your sixteene . I thank my dead mother that left mee a womans will in her last Testament : That 's all the weapons we poore girles can vse , and with that will I fight 'gainst father , friends , and kindred , and either enioy Lelio , or dye in the field in 's quarrell .

FLA.

Sulpitia , you are happy that can withstand your fortune with so merry a resolution .

SV.

Why ? should I twine mine armes to cables , and sigh my soule to Aire ? Sit vp all night like a Watching Candle , and distill my braines through my eye-lids ? your brother loues mee , and I loue your brother ; and where these two consent , I would faine see a third could hinder vs .

FLA.

Alas , our Sex is most wretched , nurst vp from infancie in continuall slauerie . No sooner able to pray for our selues , but they brayle and hudde vs so with sowre awe of parents , that wee dare not offer to bate at our owne desires . And whereas it becomes men to vent their amorous passions at their pleasure ; wee poore soules must rake vp our affections in the ashes of a burnt heart , not daring to sigh , without excuse of the Spleene , or fit of the mother .

SVL.

I plainely will professe my loue of Lelio , 't is honest , chast , and staines not modesty . Shall I be married to Antonio , that hath beene a soust Sea-fish , this three months ? and if hee bee aliue comes home with as many impaires , as a Hunting Gelding fal'n Pack-horse . No , no , I 'le see him freeze to Christall first . In other things , good father , I am your most obedient daughter , but in this a pure woman . 'T is your part to offer , mine to refuse if I like not . Lelio's a hansome Gentleman , yong , fresh , rich , and well-fashioned , and him will Sulpitia haue , or dye a maide : And ifaith the temper of my bloud tel's me I was neuer borne to so cold a misfortune . Fye Flauia , fye wench , no more with teares and sighs , cheere vp , Eugenio to my knowledge loues you , and you shall haue him : I say you shall haue him .

FLA.

I doubt not of his loue , but know no meanes , how hee dares worke against so great a Riuall : your father in a spleene may disinherite him .

SVL.

And giue 't to whom ? has none but him and mee : What though he dote a while vpon your beauty ; hee will not proue vnnaturall to his sonne . Goe to your chamber : my Genius whispers in my eare , and sweares this night we shall enioy our loues , and with that hope fare-well .

FLA.

Fare-well Sulpitia .

Finis Act. 2.
Act. 3.
Scoen. 1. PANDOLFO . CRICCA . PAN. WHile the Astrologer hew's out Trincalo , Squaring and framing him t' antonio , Cricca I 'le make thee partner of a thought That some thing troubles me . CRI. Say , sir , what is t ? PAN. I haue no heart to giue Albumazar The chaine I promist him . CRI. Deliuer it me And I 'le present it to him in your name . PA. 'T has bene an Aireloome to our house foure hundreth yeares , And should I leaue it now , I feare good fortune Would slye from vs , and follow it . CRI. Then giue him The price in gold . PAN. It comes to a hundred pounds . And how would that well husbanded grow in time ? I was a foole to promise , I confesse it , I was too hote and forward in the businesse . CRIC. Indeed I wondred that your wary thriftinesse Not wont to drop one peny in a quarter Idly , would part with such a summe so easily . PAN. My couetous thrift aimes at no other marke Then in fit time and place to shew my bounty . Who giues continually , may want at length Wherewith to feed his liberality . But for the loue of my deere Flauia I would not spare my life , much lesse my treasure . Yet if with honour I can win her cheaper , Why should I cast away so great summe ? CRI. True : I haue a trick now hatching in my braine How you may hansomely preserue your credit , And saue the chaine . PAN. I would gladly do it , But feare hee vnderstands vs what wee say . CRI. What can you loose to try 't , if it take There 's so much sau'd , if otherwise , nothing lost . PA. What is 't good Cricca ? CR. Soone as Albumazar come's , loded with newes Of th' transmutation of your seruant Trincalo , I 'le entertaine him here : meane while steale you Closely into the roome , and quickly hide Some speciall peece of Plate : Then runne out amaz'd , Roaring , that all the Streete may know y' are rob'd . Next threaten-to attach him and accuse him Before a Iustice , and in th' end agree , If hee restore the Plate , you 'le giue the Chaine , Otherwise not . PAN. But if wee bee discou'red ! For by his instruments and familiars He can do much . CRI. Lay all the fault on Trincalo . But here 's the maine point . If you can dissemble Cunningly , and frame your countnance to expresse Pitty and anger , that so learn'd a man Should vse his friend so basely : If you can call An out-cry well , roare high , and terrible . PAN. I 'le fetch a cry from th' bottome of my heeles But I 'le roare loud enough ; and thou must second mee With wonder at the suddaine accident . CRI. But yours is the maine part , for as you play 't You win or loose the chaine . PAN. No more , no more , hee comes .
ACT. 3. SCEN. 2. ALBVM . PAND. CRICCA . ALB. SIgnior Pandolfo , three quarters of an houre Render's your seruant perfectly transform'd . CR. Is he not wholy chang'd ? what parts are wanting ? AL. Antonio's shape hath cloath'd his bulk and visage , Onely his hands and feete , so large and callous , Require more time to supple . CRI. Pray you sir How long shall he retaine this metamorphosis ? ALB. The compleate circle of a naturall day . CRI. A naturall day ? Are any daies vnnaturall ? ALB. I meane the revolution o' th' first mover , Iust twice twelue houres , in which periode the rapt motion theeues , theeues ! Rowles all the Orbes from East to Occident . PAN. Helpe , helpe , theeues , theeues , neighbours I am rob'd , CRI. What a noise make you sir ? PAN. Haue I not reason That thus am rob'd , theeues , theeues , call Constables , The Watch , and Sergeants . Friends and Constables , Neighbours I am vndone . CRI. This well begunne So hee hold out still with a higher straine . What ailes you sir ? PAN. Cricca my chamber 's spoild Of all my hangings , cloathes , and siluer plate . CRIC. Why this is brauely fain'd ; continue sir . PAN. Lay all the Gold-smithes , Keepers , Marshals , Bayliues . CRIC. Fye sir , your passion fall's , cry louder , roare That all the Streete may heare . PAN. Theeues , theeues , theeues ! All that I had is gone , and more then all . CRIC. Ha , ha , ha : hold out , hold out ; lay out a Lyons throate , A little lowder . PAN. I can cry no longer , My throate 's sore , I am rob'd , I am rob'd , als gone . Both my owne treasure , and the things I borrow'd . Make thou an out-cry , I haue lost my voice : Cry fire , and then they 'l heare thee . CR. good , good , theeues , What ha you lost ? PAN. Wine , Iewels , Table-cloathes , A cup-boord of rich plate . CRIC. Fye , you 'le spoile all . Now you out-do it . Say but a bowle or two . PAN. Villaine , I say als gone ; The room 's as cleane As a wip't Looking-glasse : ôj me , ôj me . CR. What , in good earnest ? PA. Foole in accursed earnest . CR. You gull mee sure . PAN. The window towards the South stand 's ope , from whence Went all my treasure . Where 's th' Astrologer ? ALB. Here sir : and hardly can abstaine from laughing To see you vex your selfe in vaine . PAN. In vaine Albumazar ? I left my plate with you , and 't is all vanish't , And you shall answer it . ALB. O! were it possible By powre of Art , to check what Art hath done , Your man should nere be chang'd : To wrong mee thus With foule suspition of flat felonie ? Your Plate , your cloath of siluer , wine , and iewels , Linnen , and all the rest , I gaue to Trincalo , And for more safety , lock't them in the lobby . Hee 'le keepe them carefully . But as you loue your Mistresse Disturbe him not this halfe houre , least you 'le haue him Like to a Centaure , halfe Clowne , halfe Gentleman . Suffer his foote and hand that 's yet vntouch't , To be innobled like his other members . PAN. Albumazar , I pray you pardon mee , Th' vnlook'd-for barenesse of the roome amaz'd mee . ALB. How ? thinke you me so negligent to commit So rich a masse of treasure to th' open danger Of a large casement , and suspitious Alley ? No sir , my sacrifice no sooner done But I wrapt all vp safe , and gaue it Trincalo . I could be angry , but that your suddaine feare Excuses you . Fye , such a noise as this Halfe an houre past , had skar'd th' intelligences , And spoil'd the worke , but no harme done : go walke Westward , directly Westward , one halfe houre : Then turne back , and take your seruant turn'd t' antonio . And as you like my skill performe your promise . I meane the Chaine . PAN. Content . Let 's still go Westward , Westward good Cricca , still directly Westward .
ACT. 3. SCEN. 3. ALBVM . RONCA . HARPAX . FVRBO . ALB. HArpax . Furbo , and Ronca , come out , als cleere , Why here 's a noble prize worth ventring for . Is not this brauer then sneake all night in danger , Picking of lockes , or hooking cloathes at windoes ? Here 's plate , and gold , and cloath , and meate and wine , All rich : and easily got . Ronca stay here about , And waite till Trincalo come forth : Then call him With a low reuerence Antonio , Giue him this gold with thankes , tell him he lent it Before hee went to Barbary . RON. How loose ten peeces ? ALB. There 's a necessity in 't , deuise some course To get 't againe : if not ; our gaine 's sufficient To beare that losse . Furbo finde out Bavilona The Curtezan , let her faine her selfe a Gentlewoman Inamored of Antonio , bid her inuite him To banket with her , and by all meanes possible Force him stay there two houres . HAR. Why two houres ? ALB. That in that time thou maist conuey Our treasure to the Inne , and speake a boate Ready for Grauesend , and prouide a supper : Where , with those pretious liquors , and good meates , Wee 'l cheere our selues ; and thus well fed , and merry , Take Boat by night . FVR. And what will you do ? ALB. First in and vsher out our changeling Trincalo : Then finish vp a businesse of great profit , Begun with a rich Marchant , that admires My skill in Alchymie . I must not loose it . RON. Harpax bestow the plate , Furbo our beards , Blacke patches for our eyes , and other properties , And at the time and place meet all at Supper .
ACT. 3. SCEN. 4. ALBVMAZAR . TRINCALO . AL. STand forth transform'd Antonio fully mued From browne soare feathers of dull yeomanry To th' glorious bloome of gentry ; prune your selfe slick , Sweare boldly y' are the man you represent To all that dare deny 't . TRI. I finde my thoughts Most strangely altred ; but me thinkes my face Feeles still like Trincalo . ALB. You imagine so . Senses are oft deceiu'd . As an attentiue Angler Fixing his steady eyes on the swift streames Of a steepe tumbling torrent , no sooner turnes His sight to land , but giddy , thinkes the firme bankes And constant trees , moue like the running waters : So you that thirty yeares haue liu'd in Trincalo , Chang'd suddenly , think y' are so still ; but instantly These thoughts will vanish . TRI. Giue me a looking-glasse To read your skill in these new lineaments . ALB. I 'de rather giue you poyson : for a glasse By secret power of crosse reflections , And opticke vertue , spoiles the wondrous worke Of transformation , and in a moment turnes you . Spight of my skill , to Trincalo , as before . We read that Apuleius by a rose Chang'd from an Asse to Man : so by a mirrour , You 'l loose this noble lustre , and turne Asse . I humbly take my leaue ; but still remember T' auoyd the Diuell and a looking glasse . New-borne Antonio , I kisse your hands . TRI. Divine Albumazar I kisse your hands .
ACT. 3. SCEN. 5. TRINCA . RONCA . TR. NOw am I grown a gentleman , and a fine one , I know 't by th' kissing of my hands so courtly , My courteous knees bend in so true a distance , As if my foot walk't in a frame of purpose . Thus I accost you : or thus , sweet sir , your seruant : Nay more , your seruants seruant : that 's your grand-seruant . I could descend from th' top of Pauls to th' bottome , And on each step strew parting complements , Striue for a doore while a good Carpenter Might make a new one . I am your shadow sir , And bound to wait vpon you . I'faith I will not : pray sir , &c. O braue Albumazar ! RON. Iust Aesop's Crow , prink't vp in borrowed feathers . TRI. My veines are fild with newnesse : ô for a Chyrurgian To ope this Arme , and view my gentle blood , To try if 't run two thousand pounds a yeare . I feele my vnderstanding is enlarg'd With the rare knowledge of this latter age . A sacred fury ouer-swayes me . Prime ! Deale quickly , play , discard , I set ten shillings six pence . You see 't ? my rest , fiue and fifty . Boy , more cards ; And as thou go'st , lay out some roaring oathes For me ; I 'le pay thee againe with interest . O braue Albumazar ! RON. How his imagination boyles , and workes in all things He euer saw or heard ! TRI. At gleeke ? content . A morneuall of Ases , gleeke of Knaues , Iust nine apeece . Sir my gray Barbarie 'Gainst your dun cow , three traine sents and th' course , For fiftie pound : as I am a gentleman I 'le meet next Cocking , and bring a haggard with me That stoopes as free as lightning , strikes like thunder . I lye ? my reputation you shall heare on 't . O braue Albumazar ! RON. Hee 'l grow starke mad I feare me . TR. Now I know I am perfectly transform'd , my mind incites me To chalenge some braue fellow for my credit , And for more safety , get some friend in priuate To take the businesse vp in peace and quiet . RON. Signior Antonio ? TRI. There 's not a crum of Trincalo . In all this frame , but th' loue of Armellina : Wer 't not for thee I 'de trauaile , and home againe As wise as I went ouer . RON. Signior Antonio ? welcome ten thousand times : Blest be the Heau'ns and seas for your returne . TRI. I thanke you sir : Antonio is your seruant , I am glad to see you wel . Fy , I kisse your hands : and thus accost you . RON. This three months all your kindred , friends and children , Mourn'd for your death . TRI. And so they well might do , For fiue dayes I was vnder water ; and at length Got vp and spred my selfe vpon a chest , Rowing with armes , and stearing with my feet ; And thus in fiue dayes more got land : beleeue it I made a most incredible escape , And safe returne from Barbarie : at your seruice . RON. Welcome ten thousand times from Barbarie . No friend more glad to see Antonio Then I : nor am I thus for hope of gaine ; But that I finde occasion to be gratefull By your returne . Do you remember sir , Before you went , as I was once arrested , And could not put in baile ; you passing by , Lent me ten pound , and so discharg'd the debt ? TRI. Yes , yes , as well as 't were but yesterday . RON. Oft haue I waited at your house with money , And many thankes : but you were still beyond seas . Now am I happy of this faire occasion To testifie my honest care to pay you : For you may need it . TRIN. Sir , I doe indeed , Witnesse my treasure cast away by shipwracke . RO. Here sir . TR. Is the gold good , for mine was good I lent you . RO. It was , and so is this . Signior Antonio , for this curtesie Call me your seruant . TR.

Farewell good seruant , ha , ha , ha , ha , ha . I know not so much as his name ! ten pound ? this change is better then my birth : for in all the yeares of my yeomanry I could neuer yoke two crownes , and now I haue hearded ten faire twenty shilling peeces . Now will I goe to this Astrologer , and hire him turne my Cart to a Caroch , my foure Iades to two paire of Dutch mares , my mistres Armellina to a Lady , my Plow-boy Dick to two guarded foot-men : then will I hurry my selfe to the Mercers bookes , weare rich cloathes , be cal'd Tony by a great man , sell my lands , pay no debts , hate Citizens , and beate Sergeants : and when all failes , sneake out of Antonio with a two-peny looking-glasse , and turne as true Trincalo as euer .

ACT. 3. SCEN. 6. HARPAX . TRINCALO . HAR. SIgnior Antonio , welcome . TRI. My life here 's ten pound more . I thanke you heartily . HARP. Neuer in fitter season could I finde you . If you remember sir , before you went To Barbary , I lent you ten pound in gold . TRIN. Faith I remember no such thing excuse me . What may I call your name ? HARP. My name is Harpax , Your friend and neighbour , of your old acquaintaince , TRIN. What Harpax ! I am your seruant , I kisse your hands : You must excuse me , you neuer lent me money . HAR. Sir , as I liue , ten twenty-shilling peeces . TRI. Dangers at Sea , I find , haue hurt my memory . HAR. Why here 's your owne hand-writing seal'd and sign'd , In presence of your Cosen Iulio . TRI. 'T is true , 't is true ; but I sustain'd great losses By reason of the shipwracke . Here 's fiue peeces , Will that content you ? and to morrow morning Come to my house and take the rest . HAR. Well sir , Though my necessity would importune you For all , yet on your worships word , the rest I 'le call for in the morning . Farewell Antonio . TRI. I see we gentlemen can sometime borrow As well as lend , and are as loath to pay As meaner men . I 'le home , lest other creditors Call for the rest .
ACT. 3. SCEN. 7. RONCA . TRINCALO . RON. SIgnior Antonio ? I saw you as you landed , And in great hast follow'd to congratulate Your safe returne , with these most wish't embraces . TRI. And I accept your ioy with like affection . How do you call your selfe ? RON. Haue you forgot Your deere friend Ronca , whom you lou'd so well ? TRI. O I remember now my deere friend Ronca . RON. Thanks to the fortune of the seas that sau'd you . TRI. I feare I owe him money : how shall I shift him ? How do's your body Ronca ? RON. My deere Antonio , Neuer so well as now I haue the power Thus to embrace my friend , whom all th' Exchange Gaue drown'd for three whole months . My deere Antonio . TR. I thank you sir . RO. I thank you . TR. While my deere Ronca Clipt me , my purse shooke dangerously ; yet both his armes And hands embrac'd my necke : here 's none behinde me , How can this be ? RON. Most deare Antonio , Was not your passage dangerous from Barbarie ? We had great windes and tempests ; and I feare me , You felt the force at sea . TRI. Yes dearest Ronca . How 's this ? I see his hands , and yet my purse is gone . RO. Signior Antonio , I see your mind 's much troubled About affaires of worth ; I take my leaue , And kisse your hands of liberalitie . TRI. And kisse my hands of liberalitie ? I gaue him nothing : O my purse , my purse ! Deare master Ronca . RON. What 's your pleasure sir ? TR. Shew me your hand . RO. Here 't is . TR. But where 's th' other ? RON. Why here . TRI. But I meane where 's your other hand ? RON. Thinke you me the Giant with a hundred hands ? TR. Giue me your right . RO. My right ? TR. Your left . RO. My left ? TR. Now both . RON. There 's both my deere Antonio ▪ Keepe your selfe darke , eate broath ; your fearefull passage , And want of naturall rest hath made you franticke . TRI. Villaine , rogue , cut-purse , theefe , deare Ronca stay : hee 's gone I' th Diuels name , how could this fellow do it ? I felt his hands fast lock't about my necke ; And still he spoke , it could not be his mouth For that was full of deere Antonio . My life he stol 't with 's feet : such a tricke more Will worke worse with me then a looking-glasse . To loose fiue pound in curt'sie , and the rest In salutation ! RON. Signior Antonio , What ailes you ? TRI. Ronca a rogue , a cut-purse , Hath rob'd mee of fiue twenty-shilling peeces . RON. What kind of man was he ? something like me ? TRI. Had such a theeuish countenance as your owne , But that he wore a black patch ore his eye . RON. Met you with Ronca ? 't is the cunningst nimmer Of the whole company of cut-purse hall ▪ I am sorry I was not here to warne you of him .
ACT. 3. SCEN. 8. FVRBO . BEVILONA . TRINCALO . BE. FVrbo no more , vnlesse thy words were charmes Of power to reuiue him : Antonio 's dead . Hee 's dead , and in his death hath buried All my delights : my eares are deafe to musicke That sounds of pleasure : sing then the doleful'st notes That er'e were set by melancholy : O Antonio ! Furbo sings this song . Flow streames of liquid salt from my sad eyes , To celebrate his mournfull exequies . Antonio's dead , hee 's dead , and I remaine To draw my poore life in continuall paine , Till it haue paid to his sad memory Dutie of loue : ô then most willingly Drown'd with my teares , as hee with waues , I dye . BE. Breake thy sad strings , and instrument : O strange ! hee 's here . Signior Antonio ! my heart 's sweet content ! My life and better portion of my soule ! Are you return'd ? and safe ? for whose sad death I spent such streames of teares , and gusts of sighes ? Or is 't my loue , that to my longing fancy Frames your desired shape , and mockes my senses ? TRI. Whom do you talke withal faire gentlewoman ? BE. With my best friend , commander of my life , My most belou'd Antonio . TRI. With me ? What 's your desire with me sweet Lady ? BE. Sir to command me , as you haue done euer , To what you please : for all my libertie Lies in your seruice . TRI. Now I smell the businesse . This is some gentlewoman inamored With him whose shape I beare : Fie , what an Asse Was I to strange my selfe , and loose th' occasion Of a good banquet , and her companie ? I l'e mend it as I can . Madame I did but iest To try if absence caus'd you to forget A friend that lou'd you euer . BEV. Forget Antonio , Whose deare remembrance doth informe the soule Of your poore seruant Beuilona ? no , No , had you dy'd , it had not quench't one sparke Of th' sweet affection which your loue hath kindled In this warme breast . TRI. Madam , the waues had drown'd mee . But that your loue held vp my chin . BEV. Wil 't please you Enter , and rest your selfe , refresh the wearinesse Of your hard trauell : I haue good wine and fruits , My husband 's out of towne : you shall command My house , & all that 's in 't . TR. Why are you married ? BE. Haue you forgot my husband ? an angry roarer ? TR. O I remember him : but if he come ? BE. Whence growes this feare ? how come you so respectfull ? You were not wont be numb'd with such a coldnesse . Go in sweet life , go in . TRIN. O! I remember while I liu'd in Barbary A pretty song the Moores sing to a gridiron : Sweet Madame by your fauour I 'le sing 't to this . Alcoch Dolash , &c. Thus 't is in English . My heart in flames doth fry Of thy beauty , While I Dy . Fy ? And why Shouldst thou deny Me thy sweet company ? My braines to teares do flow While all below Doth glow . O! Foe If so , How canst thou go About to say me no ? This the Moores call two wings vpon a Gridiron . But it goes sweeter farre 'o th' iron Instrument . BEV. There 's one within my Kitchin ready strung : go in . TRI. Sweete Lady pardon mee , I 'le follow you . Happy Antonio in so rare a Mistresse ! But happier I , that in his place enioye her : I say still , there 's no pleasure like Transforming .
ACT. 3. SCEN. 9. RONCA . BEVIL . TRINCALO . RON. NOw is the Asse expecting of a banquet , Ready to court , embrace , and kisse his Mistresse . But I 'le soone staue him . Tick , tock , what ho ! BEV. Who 's that so boldly knocks ? I am not within ; Or busy : Why so importunate ? who is 't ? RON. 'T is I . BE. Your name ? RO. Thomas vp William , vp Morgan , vp Dauie , vp Roger , &c. TRI. Spinola's Campe 's broke loose : a troupe of Souldiers ! BEV. Oj me ! my Husband ! Oj me wretch , 't is my Husband . TRI. One man , and weare so many names ! BEV. O sir , ' Has more out-ragious deuils in his rage , Then names . As you respect your life , auoide him . Downe at that window . TR. 'T is as high as Paules . Open the Garden dore . BEV. He ' has the keyes . Downe at some window , as you loue your life , Tender my honour , and your safety . RON. Beuilona ? Downe , or I 'le breake the dores , and with the splinters Beate all thy bones to peeces : Downe you whore ! BEV. Be patient but a little ; I come instantly . TRI. Ha' you no trunck nor chest to hide mee ? BE. None sir . Alas I am cleane vndone , it is my Husband . RON. Doubtlesse , this whore hath some of her companions That wrong mee thus . But if I catch the villaine , I l'e bath my hungry sword , and sharpe reuenge , In his heart-bloud . Come downe . BEV. I cannot stay . There stands an empty Hogshead with a false bottome To ope and shut at pleasure : come hither , in , In , as you loue your life . TRI. But heare you Madam , Is there no looking-glasse within 't , for I hate glasses As naturally , as some do Cats , or Cheese . BEV. In , in , there 's none . RO. Who now ? Is the Asse past ? BEV. I tunn'd him vp , ha , ha , ha , I feare hee 'le fall a working . RON. Second me hansomely , wee 'le entertaine him An houre or two , and laugh and get his cloath's To make our sport vp . Wife , where 's the empty hogshead That wont to stand vnder the staires ? BE. There still . RON. Out with it quickly : I must haue it fil'd . BE. Not to day , good sir , to morrow will serue as well . RO. I must ha 't now . BE. 'T is more then I can cary . RON. I 'le helpe thee : so , so . Foh ! this vessel 's musty . Fetch out some water . BEV. Fetch 't your selfe . TRI. Pox of all Transmutation , I am smother'd . Lady , as you loue mee , giue the Hogshead vent . The beere that 's in 't will worke and breake the vessell . BEV. Signior Antonio , as you loue your life Lie still and close , for if you stirre you die . RON. So , so , now shake it , so , so . TR. Oh I am drown'd , I drowne ! RO. Whence come's this hollow sound ? TR. I drowne , I smother ! RON. My life 't is Trincalo , For I haue heard that Coxcombe , That Asse , that Clowne , seekes to corrupt my wife , Sending his fruite and dainties from the Country . O that 't were he . How would I vse the villaine ! First crop his eares , then slit his nose , and gueld him , And with a red hot Iron seare his raw wounds ; Then barrell him againe , and send the Eunuch To the great Turk to keep his Concubines . Tick , tock , who 's within heere ? BEV. One that you dare not touch . RON. One that I dare not ? Out villaine , out . Signior Antonio ! Had it beene any but your selfe , hee had died . But as you sau'd my life before you went , So now command mine in your seruices . I would haue sworne y 'ad drown'd in Barbary . TRI. 'T was a hard passage : but not so dangerous As was this Vessell . Pray you conceiue no ill , I meant no harme , but cal'd at your wife to know How my sonne Lelio did , and daughter Flauia . RON. Sir I beleeue you . TRI. But I must tell you one thing , You must not be so iealous , on my honour Shee 's very honest . RO. For you I make no question . But there 's a rogue cal'd Trincalo , whom if I catch . I 'le teach him . TR. Who ? you meane Pandolfo's Farmer . Alas poore foole , hee 's a stark Asse , but harmelesse . And though she talk with him , 't is but to laugh , As all the world do's at him : Come be friends At my entreaty . RON. Sir , for your sake . BE. I thanke you . TRI. Let 's haue a fire ; and while I dry my selfe , Prouide good wine and meate . I 'le dine with you . I must not home thus wet . I am something bold with you . RON. My house and selfe are at your seruice . TR. Lead in . Alas poore , Trincalo had'st thou beene taken , Thou hadst bene tunn'd for Turky . Ha ; ha , ha ; faire fall Antonio's shape . What a notorious Wittall 's this ! Ha , ha , ha .
Finis Act. 3.
Act. 4.
Scoen. 1. ANTONIO . THvs by great fauour of propitious Starres , From fearefull stormes , ship-wrack , and raging billowes , Mercilesse iawes of death , am I return'd To th' safe and quiet bosome of my Country , And wish'd embracements of my friends and kindred . The memory of these misfortunes past , Season's the welcome , and augment's the pleasure I shall receiue of my sonne Lelio , And daughter Flauia . So doth alloy Make gold , that else were vselesse , seruiceable . So th' rugged fore-head of a threatning Mountaine , Threatens the smoothnesse of a smiling Valley .
ACT. 4. SCEN. 2. CRICCA . ANTONIO . CRI. WHat do I see ? Is not this Trincalo Transform'd t' antonio ? 't is : and so perfectly That did the right Antonio now confront him , I 'de sweare they both were true , or both were false . ANT. This man admires the vnexpectednesse Of my returne . CR. O wondrous powre of Starres , And skill of Art t' apply 't . You that are married May iustly feare , least this Astrologer Cloath your wiues seruants in your shape , and vse you As Iupiter did Amphitrio : You that are rich , In your owne forme may loose your gold . ANT. 'T is Cricca . CRI. Hee seeme's so iust the man hee represent's , That I dare hardly vse him as I purpos'd . ANT. Cricca , well met , how fares my friend Pandolfo ? CRI. Your friend Pandolfo ? How are your meanes improu'd ; To stile familiarly your Maister friend ? ANT. What saist thou ? CRI. That I reioyce your Worship 's safe return'd From your late drowning . Th' Exchange hath giu'n you lost . And all your friends worne mourning three monthes past . ANT. The danger of the Shipwrack I escap't So desperate was , that I may truely say I am new borne , not sau'd . CRI. Ha , ha , ha , through what a grace And goodly countenance , the Raskall speakes ? What a graue portance ? Could Antonio Himselfe out-do him ? ô you notorious villaine ! Who would haue thought thou couldst haue thus dissembled ? ANT. How now ? a seruant thus familiar ? Syrrha Vse your companions so : more reuerence Become's you better . CRI. As though I vnderstood not , The end of all this plot and goodly businesse ? Come I know all , see ! this vntil'd clod of earth Conceites his minde transform'd , as well as body . Hee wringes and bites his lips for feare of laughing . Ha , ha , ha ! ANT. Why laugh you sirra ? CRI. Sirra , to see thee chang'd So strangely , that I can not spy one inch Of thy old Clownish Carkas . Ha , ha . ANT. Laughter proceeds From absurd actions that are harmelesse . CRI. Ha , ha , ha . Sententious Block-head ! ANT. And y' are ill aduis'd To iest in steed of pitty . Alas ! my miseries , Dangers of death , slau'ry of cruell Moores , And tedious iournies , might haue easly altred A stronger body ; much more this decay'd vessell , Out-worne with age , and broken by misfortunes . CR. Leaue your set speeches . Go to Antonio's house , Effect your businesse . For vpon my credite Th' art so well turn'd , they dare not but accept thee . ANT. Where should I hope for welcome , if not there ; From my owne house , children , and family ? CRI. Is 't possible this . Coxcombe should conceiue His mind transform'd ? How grauely he continues The countnance hee began ? Ha , ha . Why block-head ? Think'st to deceiue mee too ? Why Trincalo ? AN. I vnderstand you not . Hands off . CRI. Art not thou Trincalo , Pandolfo's man ? ANT. I not so much as know him . CRI. Dar'st thou denie 't to mee ? AN. I dare , and must To all the world , 'long as Antonio liues . CR. You arrant Asse , haue not I knowne thee serue My Maister in his Farme this thirteene yeares ? ANT. By all the oathes that bind mens consciences To truth , I am Antonio ; and no other .
ACT. 4. SCEN. 4. PANDOLFO . CRICCA . ANTONIO . PAN. WHat meanes this noise ? ô Cricca ! what 's the matter ? CR. Sir heare 's your Farmer Trincalo , transform'd So iust , as he were melted , and new cast In the true mould of old Antonio . PAN. Th' right eye 's no liker to the left , then hee To my good neighbour . Diuine Albumazar ! How I admire thy skill ! iust so hee look't , And thus hee walk't ; this is his face , his haire , His eies , and countnance ; If his voyce be like Then is th' Astrologer a wonder-worker . ANT. Signior Pandolfo , I thanke the heauens as much To finde you well , as for my owne returne . How do's your daughter , and my loue , Sulpitia ? PAN. Well , well , sir . CRI. This is a good beginning , How naturally the rogue dissembles it ? With what a gentle garbe , and ciuill grace He speake's and lookes : How cunningly Albumazar Hath for our purpose suted him in Barbary cloaths . I 'le try him further : Sir , We heard you were drown'd , pray you , how scap't you ship-wrack ? ANT. No sooner was I ship't for Barbary , But faire winde follow'd , and faire weather led vs . When entred in the Straites of Gibraltar , The heau'ns , and seas , and earth , conspir'd against vs , The tempest tore our helme , and rent our tackels , Broake the maine Mast , while all the sea about vs Stood vp in watry Mountaines to ouerwhelme vs . And struck 's against a Rock , splitting the vessell T' a thousand splinters . I , with two Marriners Swam to the Coast , where by the barbarous Moores We were surpriz'd , fetter'd , and sold for slaues . CR. This tale th' Astrologer pen'd , and he hath cond it . ANT. But by a Gentleman of Italy Whom I had knowne before . PAN. No more , this tast Proue's thou canst play the rest . For this faire story My hand I make thy ten pound , twenty Markes . Thou look'st and speak'st so like Antonio . ANT. Whom should I looke , and speake like , but my selfe ? CRI. Good still . PAN. But now my honest Trincalo , Tell mee , where 's all the Plate , the gold , and Iewels , That the Astrologer , when hee had transform'd thee Committed to thy charge ? are they safe lock't ? ANT. I vnderstand you not . PAN. The iewels man , The Plate and gold th' Astrologer that chang'd thee Bad thee lay vp ? ANT. What plate ? what gold ? what Iewels . What transformation ? what Astrologer ? CRI. Leaue of Antonio now , and speake like Trincalo . ANT. Leaue of your iesting ; it neither fits your place Nor age , Pandoflo , to scoffe your ancient friend . I know not what you meane by gold and iewels , Nor by th' Astrologer , nor Trincalo . CRIC. Better and better still . Beleeue mee sir , Hee thinke's himselfe Antonio , and euer shall bee , And so possesse your Plate . Art not thou Trincalo My Maisters Farmer ? ANT. I am Antonio Your Master's friend , if hee teach you more manners . PAN. Humour of wiuing 's gone : farewel good Flauia , Three thousand pound must not bee lost so slightly . Come sir , wee 'l drag you to th' Astrologer , And turne you to your ragged barke of Yeomanry . AN. To me these tearmes ! PAN. Come I 'le not loose my Plate . CRI. Stay , sir , and take my counsell . Let him still Firmely conceite himselfe the man hee seeme's : Thus hee himselfe deceiu'd , will farre more earnestly Effect your businesse , and deceiue the rest . There 's a maine difference twixt a selfe-bred action And a for'st carriage . Suffer him then to enter Antonio's house : and waite th' euent : for him He cannot scape : What you entend to do , Do 't when ' has seru'd your turne . I see the Maide , Let 's hence least they suspect our consultations . PAN. Thy counsel 's good : Away . CR. Looke Trincalo Yonder 's your beauteous Mistresse Armellina , And daughter Flauia . Courage , I warrant thee . ANT. Blest be the heau'ns , that rid me of this trouble . For with their Farmer and Astrologer , Plate , and gold , the 'aue almost madded mee .
ACT. 4. SCEN. 4. FLAVIA . ARMELLINA . ANTONIO . FLA. ARmellina ? ARM. Mistresse . FLA. Is the dore fast ? AR. Yes , as an Vsurers purse . FL. Come hither wench . Looke here , there 's Trincalo , Pandolfo's Farmer Wrapt in my father's shape : prethee come quickly , And help mee to abuse him . AR. Notorious Clowne ! ANT. These are my gates , and that 's the Cabinet That keepes my Iewels , Lelio , and his sister . FLA. Neuer was villany so personate In seemely properties of grauity . AN. Tick , tock . FLA. Who 's hee that knock's so boldly ? AR. What want you , sir ? AN. O my faire daughter Flauia ! Let all the Starres Powre downe full blessings on thee . Ope the dores . FLA. Marke ! his faire daughter Flauia ha , ha , ha . Most shamelesse villaine how hee counterfeits ! AN. Know'st not thy father , old Antonio ? Is all the world growne frantick ? FL. What Antonio ? AN. Thy louing father , Flauia . FL. My father ! Would thou wert in his place . Antonio's dead , Dead , vnder water drown'd . AN. That dead and drown'd Am I . FLA. I loue not to conuerse with dead men . ANT. Open the dore sweete Flauia . FLA. Sir I am afear'd : Horrour incloses mee , my haires stand vp , I sweate to heare a dead man speake , you smell Of putrifaction : Fy I feel 't hither . AN. Th' art much abus'd , I liue : come downe , and know mee . AR. Mistresse let mee haue some sport too . Who 's there ? AN. Let mee come in . AR. Soft , soft sir , Y' are too hasty . AN. Quickly , or else — AR. Good words , good words , I pray sir , In strangers houses ! were the dores your owne , You might bee bolder . AN. I 'le beate the dores and windowe's About your eares . AR. Are you so hot ? wee 'le coole you . Since your late drowning , your gray and reuerent head Is smear'd with Oes , and stucke with Cockle-shels , This is to wash it . AN. Impudent whoore ! ARM. Out Carter . Hence durtie whipstocke , hence you foule clowne : be gone , Or all the water I can make , or borrow , Shall once more drowne you .
ACT. 4. SCEN. 5. LELIO . ANTONIO . ARMELLINA . LE. ARmellina ? whom do you draw your tongue vpon so sharply ? ARM. Sir , 't is your fathers ghost , that striues by force To breake the doores and enter . LE. This his graue lookes ! In every lineament himselfe no liker . Had I not haply been advertiz'd , What could haue forc'd me thinke 't were Trincalo ? Doubtlesse , th' Astrologer hath rais'd a ghost That walkes in th' reverend ghost of my dead father . ANT. These ghosts , these Trincalo's , and Astrologers , Strike me beside my selfe . Who will receiue me When mine owne sonne refuseth ? ô Antonio ! LE. Infinite power of Art ! who would beleeue The planets influence could transforme a man To seuerall shapes ! I could now beate him soundly But that he weares the awfull countenance Of my dead father , whose memory I reverence . AN. If I be chang'd beyond thy knowledge , sonne , Consider that th' excesse of heate in Barbarie , The feare of shipwrack , and long tedious iournies , Haue tan'd my skin , and shrunk my eyes and cheekes ; Yet still this face , though alter'd , may be knowne . This skarre beares witnesse , 't was the wound thou cur'dst With thine owne hands . LE. He that chang'd Trincalo T' Antonio's figure , omitted not the skarre As a maine character . AN. I haue no other markes Or reasons to perswade thee ; me thinkes , this word I am thy father , were argument sufficient To bend my knees , and creepe to my embracements . LE. A sudden coldnesse strikes me , my tender heart Beates with compassion of I know not what . Sirra be gone , trusse vp your goodly speeches , Sad shipwracks , and strange transformations . Your plot 's discouer'd , 't will not take : thy impudence For once I pardon . The pious reuerence . I owe to th' graue resemblance of my father Holds backe my angry hands . Hence , if I catch you Haunting my doores againe , I 'le bastonado you Out of Antonio's skin . Away . ANT. I goe sir , And yeeld to such crosse fortune as thus driues me .
ACT. 4. SCEN. 6. TRINCALO . and BEVILONA dressing him . TRI. When this transformed substance of my carcasse Did liue imprison'd in a wanton hogshead , My name was Don Antonio , and that title Preseru'd my life , and chang'd my sute of cloathes .

How kindly the good Gentlewoman vs'd me ! with what respect and carefull tendernesse ! Your worship sit had euer a sickly constitution , and I feare much more now since your long travaile ▪ as you loue me , off with these wet things , and put on the sute you left with me before you went to Barbary . Good sir neglect not your health : for vpon my experience there 's nothing worse for the rheume , then to bee drench't in a musty hogshead . Pretty soule ! such another speech would haue drawn off my legges and armes , as easily as hose and doublet . Had I been Trincalo I 'de haue sworne th 'had cheated . But fy ! 't is base and clownish to suspect , and a gentlewomans freenesse to part with a cast sute . Now to the businesse . I 'le in to my owne house , and first bestow Armellina vpon Trincalo , then try what can bee done for Pandolfo : for 't is a rule I wont t' obserue . First doe your own affaires , and next your masters . This word master makes me doubt I am not chang'd as I should be . But als one , I 'le venter , and doe something worthy Antonio's name while I haue it .

ACT. 2. SCEN. 7. ANTONIO . TRINCALO . AN. WRetched Antonio , hast beene preseru'd so strangely From forraine miseries to be wrong'd at home ? Bar'd from thy house by th' scornes of thine owne children ? TRIN. Tick , tock . ANT. But stay , there 's on knockes boldly , may be some friend . TRIN. Tick , tock . ANT. Dwell you here gentleman ? TRI. Hee cals me gentleman . See th' vertue of good cloathes : all men salute , Honour , respect and reverence vs . ANT. Yong gentleman , Let me without offence intreate your name , And why you knocke . TRI. How sirra Sawce-boxe , my name ? Or thou some stranger art , or grossely ignorant That know'st not me . Ha! what art thou that ask'st it ? ANT. Bee not in choler sir . TRIN. Befits it me , A gentleman of publicke reputation , To stoope so low as satisfie the questions Of base and earthly peeces like thy selfe ? What art thou ? ha ? ANT. Th' vnfortunate possessor of this house . TRI. Thou ly'st base Sycophant , my worship owes it . AN. ' May be my sonne hath sold it in my absence , Thinking me dead . How long has't cal'd you master ? TRI. 'Long as Antonio possest it . AN. Which Antonio ? TRI. Antonio Anastasio . TRI. That Anastasio , That selfe same man am I : I scap'd by swimming , And now returne to keepe my former promise Of Flauia to Pandolfo ; and in exchange , To take Sulpitia to my wife . ANT. All this I intended 'fore I went ; but sir , if I Can be no other then my selfe , and you Are that Antonio , you and I are one . TR. How ? one with thee ? speake such another sillable , And by the terror of this deadly steele , That nere saw light , but sent to endlesse darknesse All that durst stand before 't : thou diest . AN. Alas My weaknesse growne by age , and paines of trauell , Dissarmes my courage to defend my selfe ; I haue no strength but patience . TR. What art now ? AN. Peter , and Thomas , William , what you please . TR. What boldnesse madded thee to steale my name ? AN. Sir , heat of wine . TR. And sirra when y' are drunk , Is there no person to put on , but mine , To couer your intended villanies ? AN. But good sir , if I be not I , who am I ? TR. An Oxe , an Asse , a dog . AN. Strange negligence To loose my selfe ! me thinkes I liue and moue , Remember . Could the fearefull apprehension Of th' vgly feare of drowning so transforme me ? Or did I dye , and by Pythagoras rule , My soule 's prouided of another lodging ? TRI. Be what thou wilt , except Antonio , 'T is death to touch that name . AN. Dangers at sea Are pleasures , weigh'd with these home-iniuries . Was euer man thus skar'd beside himselfe ? O most vnfortunate Antonio ! At sea thou suffredst shipwrack of thy goods , At land of thine owne selfe . Antonio ? Or what name else they please ? fly , fly to Barbarie , And rather there endure the forraigne crueltie Of fetters , whippes , and Moores , then here at home Be wrong'd and baffled by thy friends and children . TRI. How ? prating still ? why Timothy , be gone , Or draw , and lay Antonio downe betwixt vs , Let fortune of the fight decide the question . Here 's a braue rogue , that in the Kings high-way Offers to robbe me of my good name . Draw . AN. These wrongs recall my strength , I am resolu'd . Better dye once , then suffer alwayes . Draw . TR. Stay . Vnderstand'st thou well nice points of duell ? Art borne of gentle bloud , and pure discent ? Was none of all thy linage hang'd , or cuckold ? Bastard , or bastinado'd ? is thy pedigree As long and wide as mine ? For otherwise Thou wert most vnworthy ; and 't were losse of honour In me to fight . More , I haue drawne fiue teeth : If thine stand sound , the tearmes are much vnequall . And by strict lawes of duell , I am excus'd To fight on disadvantage . AN. This some Asse ! TRI. If we concurre in all , write a formall chalenge , And bring thy second : meane while I 'le make prouision Of Calais sand to fight vpon securely . Ha!
ACT. 4. SCEN. 8. LELIO . CRICCA . TRINCALO . ANTONIO . LE. AM I awake ? or do deceitfull dreames Present to my wild fansie things I see not ? CR. Sir , what amazement 's this ? why wonder you ? LE. See'st thou not Trincalo and Antonio ? CR. O strange ! th' are both heere . LE. Didst not thou informe me , That Trincalo was turn'd t' antonio ? Which I beleeuing , like a cursed sonne , With most reprochfull threats , droue mine old father From his owne doores ; and yet rest doubtfull , whether This be the true Antonio : ' may be th' Astrologer Hath chang'd some other , and not Trincalo . CR. No , feare it not : 't is plaine : Albumazar Hath cheated my old master of his plate . For here 's the Farmer , as like himselfe as euer ; Onely his cloathes excepted . Trincalo ! TRI. Cricca , where 's Trincalo ? do'st see him here ? CR. Yes , and as ranke an Asse as e're he was . TRI. Thou 'rt much deceiu'd , thou neither see'st nor know'st me . I am transform'd , transform'd . CR. Th' art still thy selfe . Lelio , this Farmer 's halfe a foole , halfe knaue . And as Pandolfo did with much intreatie Perswade him to transforme ; so as much labour Will hardly bring the Coxcombe to himselfe , That nere was out on 't . Who art , if not hee ? TR. My name is Don Antonio , I am now going To my owne house , to giue Pandolfo Flauia , And Armellina to his Farmer Trincalo . How dar'st thou Cricca , but a meaner seruant , Resemble me , a man of worth and worship , To such a clowne as Trincalo , a branded foole , An Asse , a laughing-stock to Towne and Countrey ? Art not asham'd to name him with Antonio ? LE. Do not thy actions , with thy rude behauiour , Proclaime thee what thou art ? CR. Notorious clowne ! TR. Villaine , th' hast broke my shoulders . LE. O did'st feele him ? TR. I with a poxe . LE. Then th' art still Trincalo . For hadst thou beene Antonio , he had smarted . TRI. I feele it as I am Antonio . CRI. Foole ! who loues Armellina ? TR. 'T is I , 't is I . CRI. Antonio neuer lou'd his kitchin-maid . TRI. Well , I was taken for Antonio , And in his name receiu'd ten pound in gold , Was by his mistresse entertain'd ; but thou Enuy'st my happinesse : if th' hast th' ambition To rise as I haue done : Go to Albumazar , And let him change thee to a Knight , or Lord . CRI. Note the strange power of strong imagination . TRI. A world of engines cannot wrest my thoughts , From being a Gentleman : I am one , and will be : And though I bee not , yet will thinke my selfe so : And scorne thee Cricca , as a slaue and seruant .
ACT. 4. SCEN. 9. CRICCA . LELIO . ANTONIO . CR. T Is but lost labour to disswade his dulnesse , Beleeue me that 's your father . LE. When I droue him thence , Spight of my bloud his reuerent countenance Strooke me t' a deepe compassion . To cleere all , I 'le aske one question . Signior Antonio , What money tooke you when you went your voyage ? AN. As I remember , fourescore and fifteene pound In Barbarie gold . Had Lucio kept his word I had carried iust a hundred . LE. Pardon me , father ; 'T was my blind ignorance , not want of duty , That wrong'd you : all was intended for a Farmer , Whom an Astrologer , they sayd , transform'd . AN. How an Astrologer ? LE. When you parted hence It seemes you promis'd Flauia to Pandolfo . Newes of your death arriuing , th' old Gentleman Importunes me to second what you purpos'd . Consulting therefore with my friends and kindred , Loth my yong sister should be buried quicke I' th graue of threescore yeares : by their aduice I fully did deny him . He chafes and stormes , And finds at length a cunning man , that promis'd To turne his Farmer to your shape : and thus Possesse your house , and giue him Flauia . Whereof I warn'd , wrong'd you in stead of Trincalo . AN. Then hence it came they cald me Trincalo , And talk't of an Astrologer ; which names Almost inrag'd me past my selfe and senses . 'T is true I promis'd , but haue oft repented it . And much more since he goes about to cheate me . He must not haue her , sir . LE. I am glad y' are so resolu'd . And since , with vs , you finde that match vnequall , Let 's all intreate you to bestow your daughter Vpon his sonne Eugenio . AN. Sonne , at your pleasure Dispose of Flauia , with my full consent . LE. And as you iudge him worthy your daughter Flauia , Thinke me no lesse of his Sulpitia . AN. I do ; and euer had desire to match Into that family ; and now I finde my selfe Old , weake , vnfit for marriage , you shall enioy her , If I can worke Pandolfo by intreatie : CR. To deale with him with reason and intreaties , Is to perswade a mad-man : for his loue Makes him no lesse . All speeches opposite T' his fixt desire , and loue-corrupted iudgement , Seeme extreame fooleries . Will hee consent To giue his daughter to your sonne , and you Deny him Flauia ? Shall Eugenio Expect or land or loue from old Pandolfo , Being his open riuall ? 't is impossible . He sought to cosen you ; therefore resolue To pay him in 's owne money . Be but aduis'd By my poore counsaile , and one stroke shall cut The root of his designes , and with his arrowes Strike his owne plot so dead , that Albumazar With all his starres and instruments , shall neuer Giue it fresh motion . AN. Cricca , to thy direction We yeeld our selues , manage vs at thy pleasure . LE. Speake quickly Cricca . CR. The ground of all this businesse , Is to catch Trincalo , and locke him fast Till I release him : next , that no man whisper Th' least word of your returne . Then will I home , And with a cheerefull looke tell my old master , That Trincalo — but stay , looke where he comes , Let 's in , and there at leasure I 'le informe you From poynt to poynt . Lelio , detaine him here , Till I send Armellina downe to second you . Crosse him in nothing , call him Antonio , And good enough . LE. Feare not , let me alone .
ACT. 4. SCEN. 10. TRINCALO . LELIO . TRI. THis rascall Cricca with his arguments Of malice , so disturbes my gentle thoughts , That I halfe doubt I am not what I seeme : But that will soone bee clear'd ; if they receiue mee In at Antonio's house , I am Antonio . LEL. Signior Antonio my most louing father ? Blest be the day and houre of your returne . TRIN. Son Lelio ? a blessing on my child , I pray thee tell mee , How fares my seruant Armellina ? well ? LEL. Haue you forgot my sister Flauia ? TRIN. What my deere daughter Flauia ? no , but first Call Armellina : for this day wee 'l celebrate A gleeke of Marriages : Pandolfo and Flauia , Sulpitia and my selfe , and Trincalo With Armellina . Call her , good Lelio , quickly . LEL. I will sir . TRI. So : this is well that Lelio Confesseth mee his father . Now I am perfect , Perfect Antonio .
ACT. 4. SCEN. 11. ARMELLINA . TRINCALO . AR. SIgnior Antonio ! My long expected Maister ! TR. O Armellina ! Come let mee kisse thy brow like my owne daughter . AR. Sir 't is too great a fauour . I kisse your foote . What falne ? Alas ! how feeble you are growne , With your long trauel ? TR. True ; and being drown'd , Nothing so grieu'd mee as to loose thy company . But since I am safe return'd , for thy good seruice I 'le helpe thee to a husband . ARM. A husband , sir ? Some yong and lusty youth , or else I 'le none . TRI. To one that loue 's thee deerely , deerely wench . A goodly man , like mee in limbs and fashion . AR. Fye , an old man ? how ? cast my selfe away , And bee no nurse but his ? TR. Hee 's not like mee In yeares and grauity , but faire proportion . A hansome well-set man as I . AR. His name ? TR. 'T is Tom Trincalo of Totnam , ARM. Signior Pandolfo's lusty Farmer ? TRI. That 's hee . ARM. Most vnexpected happinesse ! 't is the man , I more esteeme then my owne life : sweete Maister Procure that match , and thinke mee satisfyed For all my former seruice without wages . But as I feare you iest . My poore vnworthinesse Hope s not so great a fortune as sweete Trincalo . No , wretched Armellina , in and despaire : Back to thy mournefull Dresser ; there lament Thy flesh to Kitchin-stuffe , and bones to ashes , For loue of thy sweet Farmer . TRI. Alas poore soule , How prettily shee weepes for mee ! Wilt see him ? AR. My soule waites in my eies , and leaues my body Senselesse . TR. Then sweare to keep my counsell . AR. I sweare By th' beauteous eies of Trincalo . TR. Why I am Trincalo . AR. Your worship sir ! why do you flout your seruant , Right worshipfull Antonio , my reuerend Maister ? TRI. Pox of Antonio , I am Tom Trincalo . Why laugh'st thou ? AR. 'T is desire and ioy , To see my sweetest . TR. Look vpon mee and see him . ARM. I say I see Antonio , and none other . TRI. I am within , thy loue ; without , thy Maister . Th' Astrologer transform'd mee for a day . AR. Mock not your poore Maide , pray you sir . TR. I doe not . Now would I break this head against the stones , To be vnchang'd ; fye on this Gentry , it stick 's Like Bird-lime , or the Pox . I can not part with 't . Within , I am still thy Farmer Trincalo . ARM. Then must I waite , till old Antonio Bee brought to bed of a faire Trincalo ; Or flea you , and strip you to yourselfe againe . TRI. Carry mee to your chamber . Try mee there . AR. O sir by no meanes : but with my louely Farmer I 'de stay all night and thank him . TRIN. Crosse misfortune ! Accurst Albumazar ! and mad Pandolfo ! To change me thus , that when I most desire To bee my selfe , I cannot . Armellina ! Fetch mee a looking-glasse . AR. To what end ? TR. Fetch one . Let my old maisters businesse sink or swim , This sweet occasion must not be neglected . Now shall I know th' Astrologers skill : ô wonderfull ! Admir'd Albumazar in two transmutations : Here 's my old Farmers face . How in an instant I am vnchang'd that was so long a changing . Here 's my flatte nose againe , &c. Now Armellina take thy lou'd Trincalo To thy desir'd embracements , vse thy pleasure , Kisse him thy belly-full . ARM. Not here in publick . T' enioy too soone what pleaseth is vnpleasant : The world would enuy that my happinesse . Go in , I 'le follow you , and in my bed-chamber Wee 'l consummate the match in priuacie . TRI. Was not the face I wore , farre worse then this ? But for thy comfort , Wench , Albumazar Hath died my thoughts so deep i' th' graine of Gentry , 'T is not a glasse can rob mee of my good fashion , And Gentlemanly garbe . Follow , my deere . AR. I 'le follow you . So , now y' are fast enough . TR. Help Armellina , help ! I am fal'n i' th' cellar : Bring a fresh Plantane leafe , I haue broke my shinne . ARM. Thus haue I caught m' a husband in a trap , And in good earnest meane to marry him . 'T is a tough Clowne and lusty : he works day & night ; And rich enough for me , that haue no portion But my poore seruice . Well : hee 's something foolish ; The better can I dominere , and rule him At pleasure . That 's the marke , and vtmost height Wee women aime at . I am resolu'd ; I 'le haue him .
ACT. 4. SCEN. 12. LELIO . CRICCA . LEL. IN , Armellina , lock vp Trincalo . AR. I will , sir . LEL. Cricca , for this thy counsell , if 't succeed , Feare not thy maisters anger : I 'le preferre thee And count thee as my Genius , or good fortune . CRI. It can not chuse but take . I know his humor ; And can at pleasure feather him with hopes , Making him flye what pitch I wish , and stoope When I shew fowle . LE. But for the sute of cloathes ? CRI. I 'le throw them o're your garden wall . Away . Hast to Eugenio , and Sulpitia , Acquaint them with the businesse . LE. I go .
ACT. 4. SCEN. 13. LELIO . SVLPITIA . LE. THe hopefull issue of thy counsell , Cricca , Brightens this eu'ning , and makes it more excell The clearest day , then a gray morning doth The blindest midnight : raising my amorous thoughts To such a pitch of ioy , that riches , honour , And other pleasures , to Sulpitia's loue , Appeare like Mole-hils to the Moone . SVL. Lelio ? LEL. O there 's the voice that in one note containes All cords of Musick : How gladly shee 'l embrace The newes I giue her , and the messenger ! SVL. Soft , soft , y' are much mistaken : for in earnest , I am angry Lelio ; and with you . LE. Sweetest , those flames Rise from the sire of loue , and soone will quench I' th' welcome newes I bring you . SVL. Stand still I charge you By th' vertue of my lips ; speake not a sillable As you expect a kisse should close my choler . For I must chide you . LEL. O my Sulpitia , Were euery speech a Pistoll charg'd with death , I 'de stand them all in hope of that condition . SVL. First , sir , I heare , you teach Eugenio Too graue a warinesse in your sisters loue , And kill his honest forwardnesse of affection With your farre-fet respects , suspitions , feares . You haue your may-bee's ; this is dangerous : That course were better : for if so : and yet : Who know's ? th' euent is doubtfull : bee aduis'd : 'T is a yong rashnesse : your father is your father : Take leasure to consider . Thus y' haue considered Poore Flauia almost to her graue . Fy Lelio , Had this my smalnesse vndertooke the businesse , And done no more in foure short winter daies Then you in foure monthes , I 'de haue vow'd my maydenhead To th' liuing Tomb of a sad Nunnery . Which for your sake I loath . LEL. Sweete by your fauour SVL. Peace ! peace ! Now y' are so wise as if y 'had eaten Nothing but braines , and marrow of Machiauell . You tip your speeches with Italian Motti , Spanish Refranes , and English Quoth Hee 's . Beleeue mee There 's not a Prouerbe salt's your tongue , but plantes Whole colonies of white haires . O what a businesse These hands must haue when you haue married mee , To pick out sentences that ouer-yeare you . LEL. Giue mee but leaue . SVL. Haue I a lip ? and you Made Sonnets on 't ? 't is your fault , for otherwise , Your sister and Eugenio had beene sure Long time e're this . LEL. But — SVL. Stay , your Qu 's not come yet . I hate as perfectly this gray-greene of yours , As old Antonio's greene-gray . Fy ! Wise louers , Are most absurd . Were not I full resolu'd , I should beginne to coole mine owne affection . For shame consider well your sister's temper . Her melancholy may much hurt her . Respect her , Or spight of mine owne loue , I 'le make you stay Six monthes , before you marry mee . Lelio whispers . SVL. This your so happy newes ? return'd ? and safe ? Antonio yet aliue ? Lelio whispers . SVL. And then ? Lelio whispers . SVL. Well . All your businesse must bee compassed With winding plots , and cunning stratagems . Look to 't : For if we be not married e're next morning , By the great loue that 's hid in this small compasse , Flauia and my selfe will steale you both away To your eternall shame and foule discredit . LEL. How pretily this louely littlenesse , In one breath plead's her owne cause , and my sister's ; Chides mee , and loues . This is that pleasing temper I more admire , then a continued sweetnesse That ouer-satisfie's : 'T is salt I loue ; not sugar .
Finis Act. 4.
Act. 5.
Scoen. 1. ALBVMAZAR . RONCA . FVRBO . HARPAX . ALB. HOw ? not a single share of this great prize , That haue deseru'd the whole ? was 't not my plot , And paines , and you meere instruments and porters ? Shall I haue nothing ? RON. No , not a siluer spoone . FVR. Nor couer of a Trencher-salt . HAR. Nor Table-napkin ? ALB. Friends ; we haue kept an honest trust and faith 'Long time amongst vs Breake not that sacred league , By raising ciuill theft , turne not your furie 'Gainst your owne bowels . Rob your carefull Maister ! Are you not asham'd ? RON. 'T is our profession , As your's Astrologie . And in th' daies of old , Good morrow Theefe , as welcome was receiu'd , As now your Worship . 'T is your owne instruction . FVR. The Spartans held it lawfull , and th' Arabians , So grew Arabia , Happy : Sparta , Valiant . HAR. The world 's a Theater of Theft : great Riuers Rob smaller Brookes ; and them the Ocean . AL. Haue not I wean'd you vp from peti-larceny , Dangerous and poore ? and nurst you to full strength Of safe and gainefull theft ? By rules of Art And principles of cheating , made you as free From taking , as you went inuisible ? And do yee thus requite mee ? this the reward For all my watchfull care ? RO. We are your schollers , Made by your helpe , and our owne aptnesse , able To instruct others . 'T is the Trade wee liue by . You that are seruant to Diuine Astrologie , Do something worth her liuery . Cast Figures , Make Almanackes for all Meridians . FVR. Sell Perspicils , and Instruments of hearing , Turne Clownes to Gentlemen , Buzzards to Falcons , Cur-dogs to Grey-hounds , Kitchin-maids to Ladies . HAR. Discouer more new Stars , and vnknowne Planets : Vent them by dozens , stile them by the names Of men that buy such ware . Take lawfull courses , Rather then beg . AL. Not keep your honest promise ? FVR. Beleeue none , credit none : for in this Citie No dwellers are , but Cheaters , and Cheateez . AL. You promist mee the greatest share . RON. Our promise ! If honest men by Obligations , And instruments of Law , are hardly constrain'd T' obserue their word ; Can wee , that make profession Of lawlesse courses , do 't ? AL. Amongst our selues . Faulcons that tyrannize o're weaker fowle , Hold peace with their owne feathers . HA. But when they counter Vpon one quarrey , breake that league as wee do . AL. At least restoreth' ten pound in gold I lent you . RON. 'T was lent in an ill Second , worser Third , And lucklesse Fourth : 't is lost , Albumazar . FVR. Saturne was in Ascension . Mercury Was then Combust when you deliuered it . 'T will neuer be restor'd . RON. Hali , Abenezra , Hiarcha , Brachman , Budda Babylonicus , And all the Chaldes and the Cabalists , Affirme that sad Aspect threat's losse of debts . HAR. Frame by your Azimut and Almicantarat , An engine like a Mace , whose qualitie Of strange retractiue vertue may recall Desperate debts , and with that vndoe Sergeants . ALB. Was euer man thus baited by 's owne whelps ? Giue mee a slender portion for a stock To beginne Trade againe . RON. 'T is an ill course And full of feares . This treasure hath inrich't vs , And giuen vs meanes to purchase , and liue quiet Of th' fruite of dangers past . When I vs'd robbing , All blocks before me look't like Constables , And posts appear'd in shape of Gallowses . Therefore good Tutor take your pupils counsell : 'T is better beg then steale : Liue in poore clothes , Then hang in Sattin . AL. Villaines , I 'le be reueng'd , And reueale all the businesse to a Iustice . RON. Do , if thou long'st to see thy owne Anatomie . AL. This treachery perswade's mee to turne honest . FVR. Search your Natiuitie : see if the Fortunates And Luminaries bee in a good Aspect . And thank vs for thy life . Had wee done well , We had cut thy throat e're this . AL. Albumazar , Trust not these Rogues ; hence and reuenge . RON. Fellowes away , here 's company . Let 's hence . Exeunt .
ACT. 5. SCEN. 2. CRICCA . PANDOLFO . CR. NOw Cricca , mask thy countenance in ioy , Speak welcome language of good newes , and moue Thy Maister , whose desires are credulous , To beleeue what thou giu'st him . If thy designe Land at the Hauen 't is bound for ; then Lelio , Eugenio , and their Mistresses , are oblig'd By oath , t' assure a state of forty pounds Vpon thee for thy life . PAN. I long to know How my good Farmer speeds ; how Trincalo Hath bene receiu'd by Lelio . CR. Where shall I find him ? What wee most seeke , still flies vs ; what 's auoided , Followes , or meetes vs full . I am embost With trotting all the streetes to finde Pandolfo , And blesse him with good newes . PAN. This hast of Cricca Abodes some good ; doubtlesse my Trincalo , Receiued for Antonio , hath giuen me Flauia . Cricca ? CRI. Neither in Pauls , at home , nor in th' Exchange ? Nor where he vses to converse ? hee 's lost : And must be cried . PAN. Turne hither , Cricca : Cricca , See'st me not ? CRI. Sir , the newes , and hast to tell it , Had almost blinded me . 'T is so fortunate , I dare not powre it all at once vpon you , Least you should faint and swound away with ioy . Your transform'd Trincalo - PAN. What newes of him ? CR. Entred as owner in Antonio's house - PAN. On . CR. Is acknowledg'd by his daughter Flauia , And Lelio , for their father . PAN. Quickly good Cricca ! CR. And hath sent me in hast to bid you - PAN. What ? CR. Come with your sonne Eugenio . - PAN. And then ? CR. That he may be a witnesse of your marriage . But sir , I see no signes of so large gladnesse As I expected , and this newes deseru'd . PAN. 'T is here , 't is here , within . All outward symtomes And characters of ioy , are poore expressions Of my great inward happinesse : my heart 's full , And cannot vent the passions . Run Cricca , run , Run , as thou lou'st me , call Eugenio , And worke him to my purpose thou canst do it . Haste , call him instantly . CR. I flye sir .
ACT. 5. SCEN. 3. PANDOLFO . HOw shall I recompence this Astrologer ? This great Albumazar ? through whose learned hands , Fortune hath powr'd th' effect of my best wishes , And crown'd my hopes . Giue him this chaine ? alas ! 'T is a poore thankes , short by a thousand linkes Of his large merit . No , he must liue with me , And my sweet Flauia , at his ease and pleasure , Wanting for nothing . And this very night I 'le get a boy , and he erect a figure To calculate his fortunes . So there 's Trincalo Antoniated , or Antonio Intrinculate .
ACT. 5. SCEN. 4. ANTONIO . PANDOLFO . LELIO . EVGENIO . AN. SIgnior Pandolfo ! welcome . LE. Your seruant sir . PAN. Well met Antonio , my praiers and wishes Haue waited on you euer . AN. Thanks , deerest friend . To speake my dangers past , were to discourse Of dead men at a feast . Such sad relations Become not marriages . Sir , I am here Return'd to doe you seruice : where 's your sonne ? PAN. Hee 'l wait vpon you presently . EV. Signior Antonio ! Happily welcome . AN. Thankes Eugenio . How thinke you gentlemen ? were it amisse To call downe Flauia and Sulpitia , That what we do , may with a full consent Be entertain'd by all ? PAN. 'T is well remembred . Eugenio , call your sister . AN. Lelio , call my daughter .
ACT. 5. SCEN. 5. PANDOLFO . ANTONIO . PA. WIsely consider'd Trincalo : 't is a faire prologue To th' Comoedy ensuing . Now I confesse Albumazar had equall power to change , And mend thy vnderstanding with thy body . Let me embrace and hugge thee for this seruice . 'T is a braue on-set : ah my sweet Trincalo ! ANT. How like you the beginning ? PAN. 'T is o' th further side All expectation . AN. Was 't not right ? and spoken Like old Antonio ? PAN. 'T is most admirable : Wer 't he himselfe that spake , he could not better 't . And for thy sake , I wish Antonio's shape May ever be thy house , and 's wit thy Inne-mate . But where s my plate , and cloath of siluer ? AN. Safe . PA. They come : keep state , keep state , or als discouer'd .
ACT. 5. SCEN. 6. ANTO. PAND. EVG. LEL. FLA. SVLP . AN. EVgenio , Flauia , Lelio , and Sulpitia ; Marriages once confirm'd , and consummate , Admit of no repentance . Therefore 't is fitting All parties with full freedome speake their pleasure , Before it be too late . PAN. Good ! excellent ! ANT. Speake boldly therefore : do you willingly Giue full authoritie , that what I decree Touching these businesses , you 'l all performe ? EVG. I rest at your dispose : what you determine , With my best power I ratifie ; and Sulpitia , I dare be bold to promise , sayes no lesse . SVL. What e're my father , brother , and your selfe Shall thinke conuenient pleaseth me . LE. In this , As in all other seruice , I commit my selfe To your commands ; and so I hope , my sister . FLA. With all obedience : sir dispose of me As of a child , that iudgeth nothing good But what you shall approue . AN. And you Pandolfo ? PAN. I most of all . And , for I know the mindes Of youth are apt to promise , and as prone To repent after ; 't is my advice they sweare T' obserue , without exception , your decree . FLA. Content . SVL. Content PAN. By all the powers that heare Oathes , and raine vengeance vpon broken faith , I promise to confirme and ratifie Your sentence . LE. Sir , I sweare no lesse . EV. Nor I . FLA. The selfe-same oath binds me . SVL. And me the same . PAN. Now deare Antonio , all our expectation Hangs at your mouth : None of vs can appeale From you to higher Courts . AN. First for preparatiue , Or slight Praeludium to the greater matches ; I must intreate you that my Armellina Be match't with Trincalo . Two hundred crownes I giue her for her portion . PAN. 'T is done . Some reliques Of his old Clownery , and dregges o' th Countrey , Dwell in him still : how carefull he prouides For himselfe first ! Content . And more , I grant him A lease of twenty pounds a yeare . ANT. I thanke you . Gentlemen , since I feele my selfe much broken With age , and my late miseries , and too cold To entertaine new heate ; I freely yeeld Sulpitia , whom I lou'd , to my sonne Lelio . PAN. How cunningly the Farmer hath provided T' obserue the semblance of Antonio's person , And keepe himselfe still free for Armellina ! AN. Signior Pandolfo , y' are wise , and vnderstand How ill hot appetites of vnbridled youth Become gray haires . How graue and honourable Wer 't for your age to be inamored With the faire shape of vertue , and the glory Of your fore-fathers ! Then would you blush to thinke How by this dotage , and vnequall loue , You staine their honour , and your owne . Awake , Banish those wild affections ; and by my example Turne t' your reposed selfe . PAN. To what purpose , pray yo Serues this long proaeme ? on to th' sentence . AN. Sir , Conformitie of yeares , likenesse of manners , Are Gordian knots that bind vp matrimony . Now betwixt seuenty Winters , and sixteene , There 's no proportion , nor least hope of loue . Fye , that a gentleman of your discretion , Crown'd with such reputation in your youth , Should in your Westerne dayes , loose th' good opinion Of all your friends ; and run to th' open danger Of closing the weake remnant of your dayes With discontentment vnrecouerable . PAN. Wrack me no more : pray you let 's heare the sentence . Note how the Asse would fright me , and indeere His seruice ; intimating , that his power May ouer-throw my hopes . Proceed to th' sentence . AN. These things consider'd , I bestow my daughter Vpon your sonne Eugenio ; whose constant loue With his so modest carriage , hath deseru'd her . And , that you freeze not for a bed-fellow , I marry you with Patience . PAN. Trecherous villaine ! Accursed Trincalo ! I le — But this no place , Hee 's too well back't . But shortly when the date Of his Antonioship 's expir'd , revenge Shall sweeten this disgrace . AN. Signior Pandolfo , When you recouer your selfe , lost desperately In disproportion'd dotage , then you 'l thanke me For this great fauour : be not obstinate : Disquiet not your selfe . PAN. I thanke you sir .
ACT. 5. SCEN. 7. PANDOLFO . ANd that you freeze not for a bed-fellow , I marry you with Patience . Traiterous villaine ! Is 't not enough to wrong me , and betray me , But 't must be done with scoffes ? accursed Trincalo ! And me most miserable ! that when I thought T' embrace yong Flauia , see her before my face Bestow'd vpon my sonne ! my sonne my rivall ! This is Eugenio's plot , and his friend Lelio's ; Who , with my seruant Cricca , haue conspir'd , And suborn'd Trincalo to betray his master . Why doe I rage 'gainst any but my selfe , That haue committed such a serious businesse To th' hands of a base clowne , and ignorant ? I see mine error , but no meanes to helpe it . Onely the sweetnesse of reuenge is left me , Which I must execute : th' houres of 's gentry Are now cleane spent . I 'le home , and there attend him .
ACT. 5. SCEN. 8. TRINCALO drunke , but something recouered .

WElcome old trusty Trincalo , good Farmer welcome ! giue me thy hand , wee must not part hereafter . Fye , what a trouble 't is to be out of a mans selfe ! If gentlemen haue no pleasure but what I felt to day ; a teame of horses shall not dragge me out of my profession . There 's nothing amongst them but borrowing , compounding for halfe their debts , and haue their purse cut for the rest , cosned by whores , frighted with husbands , wash't in wet hogges-heads , cheated of their clothes , and falling in cellars for conclusion .

ACT. 5. SCEN. 9. PANDOLFO at the window . TRINCALO . PAN. O Pretious peece of villany ! are you vnchang'd ? How confident the rogue dares walke the streetes ! TRIN.

And then such quarrelling : neuer a sute I wore to day , but hath been soundly basted . Onely this faithfull Countrey case scap't fist-free ; and bee it spoken in a good houre , was neuer beaten yet since it came from fulling !

PAN. Tiff . toff . Base treacherous villaine ! toff . toff . toff . TRI. Is this the recompence of my dayes worke ? PAN. You marry me to patience ? there 's patience . And that you freeze not , there 's warme patience , Shee 's a good bed-fellow ; haue patience . TR. You 'l beat me out on 't sir : how haue I wrong'd you ? PAN. So , as deserues th' expression of my fury With th' cruelst tortures I can execute . TRI. You kill me sir . PAN. Haue patience . TRI. Pray you sir ! PAN. Seeke not by humble penitence t' appease me . Nothing can satisfie . TR. Fare-well humilitie . Now am I beaten sober . ( takes away Pandolfo's staffe ) Shall age and weaknesse master my youth and strength ? Now speake your pleasure : what 's my fault ? PAN. Dar'st deny Thy owne act done before so many witnesses ? Suborn'd by others , and betray my confidence With such a stony impudence ? TR. I haue bin faithfull In all you trusted me . PAN. To them ; not me . O what a Proaeme stuft with graue advice , And learned counsaile , you could showre vpon me Before the thunder of your deadly sentence ! And giue away my Mistresse with a scoffe ! TR. I giue your Mistresse ? PA. Did'st not thou decree Contrary t' our compact , against my marriage ? TR. Why when was I your iudge ? PA. Iust now , here . TR. See your error ! Then was I fast lock't in Antonio's Cellar : Where making vertue of necessitie , I drunke starke drunke ; and waking , found my selfe Cloth'd in this Farmers sute , as in the morning . PAN. Did'st not thou sweare t' enter Antonio's house , And giue me Flauia for my wife ? and after , Before my owne face , gau'st her to my sonne ? TR. Ha , ha , ha ! PA. Canst thou deny 't ? TR. Ha , ha , ha ! Whilst Trincalo laughes , and fals the staffe , Pandolfo recouers it , and beates him . Haue you got mistresse Patience ? ha , ha , ha ! PAN. Is not this true ? TR. Ha , ha ! PA. Answere me . TRI. Ha , ha , ha wan ! PAN. Was 't not thus ? TRI. I answere . First , I neuer was transform'd , But gul'd , as you were , by th' Astrologer And those that cal'd m' Antonio . To proue this true , The gentleman you spoke with , was Antonio , The right Antonio , safely return'd from Barbarie . PA. Oi me ! what 's this ? TR. Truth it selfe . PA. Was 't not thou That gau'st the sentence ? TR. Beleeue me no such matter : I nere was gentleman , nor otherwise Then what I am , vnlesse 't were when I was drunke . PAN. How haue I beene deceiu'd ! good Trincalo Pardon mee . I haue wrong'd thee . TR. Pardon you ? When you haue beaten mee to paste , good Trincalo Pardon mee ? PAN. I am sorry for 't ; excuse mee . TRI. I am sory I must excuse you . But I pardon you . PAN. Now tell mee where 's the plate and cloath of siluer , The gold and iewels that th' Astrologer Committed to thy keeping ? TRI. What Plate , what iewels ? Hee gaue mee none . But when he went to change mee , After a thousand circles and ceremonies , Hee bindes mee fast vpon a forme , and blindes mee With a thick Table-napkin . Not long after Vnbinds my head and feete , and giues mee light : And then I plainely saw , that I saw nothing ; The Parler was cleane swep't of all was in 't . PAN. Ojh me ? ojh me ! TR. What ailes you ? Sir , what ailes you ? PAN. I am vndone , I haue lost my Loue , my plate , My whole estate , and with the rest my selfe . TR. Loose not your patience too . Leaue this lamenting , And lay the Towne ; you may recouer it . PAN. 'T is to small purpose . In , and hold thy peace .
ACT. 5. SCEN. 10. CRICCA . PANDOLFO . CRI. WHere shall I find my Maister to content him With welcome newes ? Hee 's here ; newes ! newes ! Newes of good fortune , ioy and happinesse ! PAN. Cricca , my sadnesse is vncapable Of better tidings : I am vndone most miserable ! CR. Offend not your good luck , y' are now more fortunate Then when you rose this morning : Bee merry , sir , Cheare vp your selfe , y' haue what you wisht , feare nothing . PAN. May bee Antonio newly repents himselfe , With purpose to restore my Flauia . Cricca , what is 't ? where 's all this happinesse ? CR. Lock't in Antonio's Closet . PAN. All alone ? Sure that 's my Flauia . Is not Eugenio Suffred to enter ? CR. Antonio keepes the key : No creature enter's but himselfe . Al 's safe And shall be so restor'd . PAN. O my sweet Cricca ! CR. And they that wrong'd you , most extremely sory , Ready to yeeld you any satisfaction . PAN. Is 't possible they should so soone repent them ? That iniur'd mee so lately ? tell mee the manner That caus'd them see their errour . CR. I 'le tell you , sir . Being iust now at old Antonio's house , One thunder 's at th' back dore , enters , and presses To speake in priuate with yong Lelio ; Was instantly admitted : And thinke you who ? 'T was your Astrologer Albumazar . When hee had spoke a while ; Lelio and Antonio In hast command ' mee fetch a Constable . PAN. How can this Story touch my happinesse ? CR. I vp and downe throw slimie Ale-houses , Clowdie Tobacco-shops , and vapouring Tauernes : My mouth full of enquiry ; At last found one . PAN. What of all this ? is 't possible a Constable Concernes my good ? CR. And following my directions , Went to a Tippling-house , where wee tooke drinking Three hansome fellowes with a great Chest ; Attach't them , And brought all to Antonio . PAN. Well , what then ? CRI. These were th' Astrologers intelligences . That rob'd you through th' South window . PA. I thought th' hadst spoken Of Flauia's restoring . CRI. I meane your plate And treasure ; pray you , sir , is 't not great happinesse To re-obtaine three thousand pounds in valew , Desperately lost ? and you still dote and dreame Of Flauia , who by your owne consent And oath is promis'd to your sonne Eugeni ? PA, Forward . CR. Within this Chest Antonio found your Plate , Gold , Iewels , cloath of siluer , nothing perish't , But all safe lock't till you acknowledge it . And since Albumazar of his owne accord Freely confest , and safe restor'd your treasure : Since 't is a day of Iubile and marriage ; Antonio would entreate you to release And pardon the Astrologer : Thanking your fortune That hath restor'd you to your wealth , and selfe . Both which were lost i' th' foolish loue of Flauia . PA. Reason hath clear'd my sight , and drawne the vaile Of dotage that so dark't my vnderstanding . I clearely see the slau'ry of affections ; And how vnsutable my declining yeares Are for the dawning youth of Flauia . Let the best ioies of Hymen compasse her , And her yong husband , my Eugenio , With full content . And since Albumazar By accident , caus'd all this happinesse ; I freely pardon him , and his companions : And hast t' assist the marriages and feasts . CRI. Why now you shew your selfe a worthy Gentleman .
ACT. 5. SCEN. vit. TRINCALO . CRICCA . TRIN. CRicca I ouer-heard your newes : all parts are pleas'd Except my selfe . Is there no newes for Trincalo ? CRIC. Know'st it not ? In , and see : Antonio Hath giu'n thee Armellina with a portion , Two hundreth Crownes : and old Pandolfo bound By oath t' assure thee twenty pounds a yeare , For three liues . TR. Haj ! CRI. Come in . TR. I 'le follow .
Epilogue . TWo hundred Crownes ? and twentie pound a yeare For three good liues ? Cargo ! Hai Trincalo ! My wife 's extreamely busie , dressing the supper For these great marriages ; and I not idle , So that I cannot entertaine you here As I would else-where . But if you come to Totnam Some foure dayes hence , and aske for Trincalo At th' signe o' th Hogshead ; I 'le morgage all my liues To bid you welcome . You that loue Trincalo , And meane to meete , clappe hands and mak 't a bargaine . FINIS .
Machine-generated castlist A13802-pandolfo 203 A13802-trincalo 181 A13802-cricca 134 A13802-ronca 107 A13802-albumazar 85 A13802-anastasio 45 A13802-lelio 44 A13802-armellina 38 A13802-antonio 36 A13802-bevilona 26 A13802-flavia 26 A13802-harpax 21 A13802-sulpitia 20 A13802-eugenio 19 A13802-furbo 9 A13802-missing 2
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t'intail't 'tis done , and I haue purchasd it , I meane t'intail 't on my heires male for euer , Spight of herght My Almanacke made for th'meridian And height of Iapan , giu't th'East Indy company : th'nezt As for the Issue of th'next Summers warres , Reueal't to none , keep't safety't STay Villaine , stay , though safety 't selfe defends thee Thou diest . 〈◊〉 O 'tis Armellina : now if she have the wit to beginne , as I meane shee should Aontonio other feares oppresse mee : mee thinkes I see Antonio my old father , new return'd , Whom all Wbose Forget Antonio , Whose deare remembrance doth informe the soule ●pinola's Spinola's Campe's broke loose : a troupe of Souldiers Threateus th'rugged fore-head of a threatning Mountaine , Threatens the smoothnesse of a smiling Valley . t'apply't wondrous powre of Starres , And skill of Art t'apply 't . You that are married May iustly feare somefriend stay , there's on knockes boldly , may be some friend . intended'fore All this I intended 'fore I went ; but sir , if I Can be noother noother intended 'fore I went ; but sir , if I Can be no other then my selfe , and you Are that Antonio feareit No , feare it not : 'tis plaine : Albumazar Hath cheated promis d When you parted hence It seemes you promis'd Flauia to Pandolfo . Newes of your death aj all my former seruice without wages . But as I feare you iest . My poore vnworthinesse restoreth'ten At least restoreth' ten pound in gold I lent you .