Lingua: or The combat of the tongue, and the fiue senses for superiority A pleasant comœdie.

Prologue . OVr Muse describes no Louers passion , No wretched Father , no vnthriftie Sonne : No crauing subtile Whore , or shamlesse Bawde , Nor stubborne Clowne , or daring Parasite , No lying Seruant , or bold Sycophant . We are not wanton , or Satyricall . These haue their time and places fit , but we Sad houres , and serious studies , to repriue , Haue taught seuere Phylosophy to smile . The Senses rash contentions we compose , And giue displeas'd ambitious TONGVE her due : Here s all Iudicious friends ; accept what is not ill , Who are not such , let them do what they will .

Actus . 1. Scena 1. LINGVA , apparrelled in a Crimson Satten gowne , a Dressing of white Roses , a little Skeane tyed in a purple Skarfe , a paire of red Buskins drawne with white Ribband , silke garters ▪ gloues , &c. AVDITVS , in a Garland of Bayes intermingled with red & white Roses vpon a false hayre , a cloath of Siluer Mantle vpon a paire of Sattin Bases , wrought sleeues , Buskins , Gloues , &c. LINGVA . AVDITVS . LING. NAy good Auditus doe but heare me speake . AVD. Lingua thou strik'st too much vpon one string , Thy tedious plaine-song grates my tender eares . LING. 'T is plaine indeed , for Truth no descant needs , Vna's her name , she cannot be diuided . AVD. O but the ground it selfe is nought , from whence Thou canst not relish out a good diuision : Therefore at length sur-cease , prooue not starke madde , Hopelesse to prosecute a haplesse sute : For though ( perchance ) thy first straines pleasing are , I dare ingage mine eares , the cloze will iarre . LING. If then your confidence esteem my cause , To be so friuolous and weakely wrought . Why do you dayly subtile plots deuise , To stop me from the eares of common Sense , Whom since our great Queene 〈◊〉 hath ordain'd , For his souod wisdome , our Vice-gouernour , To him , and to his two so wise assistants , Nimble Phantastes , and firme Memorie : My selfe and cause , I humbly do commit , Let them but heare and iudge , I wish no more . AVD. Should they but know thy rash presumption , They would correct it in the sharpest sort : Good low what Sense hast thou to be a Sense ; Since from the first foundation of the world , We neuer were accounted more then fiue ; Yet you forsooth , an idle prating Dame , Would faine increase the number , and vp-start To our high seates , decking your babling selfe With vsurpt titles of our dignitie . LING. An idle prating dame : know fond Auditus , Records affirme my title full as good , As his amongst the siue is counted best . AVD. Lingua confesse the truth , th' art wont to lie . LING. I say so too , therefore I do not lye , But now spite of you all I speake the truth . You fiue among vs subiects tyrannize , Making the sacred name of common sense , A cloake to couer your enormities : Hee beares the rule , hee 's iudge but iudgeth still , As hee 's informed by your false euidence : So that a plaintife cannot haue accesse , But through your gates hee heares but what , nought els But that thy crafty eares to him conuaies , And all hee sees is by proud Visus shewed him : And what hee touches is by Tactus hand , And smells I know but through Olfactus nose , Gustus beginns to him what ere he tastes : By these quaint tricks free passage hath beene bard That I could neuer equally bee heard , But well t is well . AVD. Lingua thy feeble sexe , Hath hither-to with-held my ready hands That longd to plucke that nimble instrument , LING. O horrible ingratitude ? that thou , That thou of all the rest shouldst threaten me : Who by my meanes conceiust as many tongues , As Neptune closeth lands betwixt his armes ; The ancient Hebrewe clad with misteries , The learned Greeke rich in fit Epithites . Blest in the louely marriage of pure words , The Caldy wise , the Arabian Physicall , The Romaine Eloquent , and Tuscane graue , The Brauing Spanish and the smooth-tongd French , These pretious Iewells that adorne thine eares . All from my mouthes rich Cabbinet are stolne , How ost hast thou beene chaind vnto my tongue . Hang'd at my lips and rauisht with my words , So that a speech faire fetherd could not flie : But thy eares pit-fall caught it instantly , But now O Heauens . AVD. O heauens thou wrongst me much , Thou wrongst me much thus falsely to vpbraide me : Had not I granted thee the vse of hearing , That sharpe edg'd tounge whetted against her maister , Those pussing lungs , those teeth those dropsie lippes , That scal●ing throate those nosthrills full of ire ▪ Thy pallate proper instruments of speech , Like to the winged chanters of the wood , Vttring nought els but idle siflements , Tunes without sense , words inarticulate : Had neere beene able to ' haue abus'd me thus . Words are thy Children but of my begetting . LING. Perfidious Liar how can I endure thee , Cal'st my vnspotted chastity in Question : O could I vse the Breath mine anger spends , I 'de make thee knowe . AVD. Heauens looke on my distresse , Desend me from this rayling viperesle : For if I stay her words sharpe vinigar , Will feet me through , Lingua I must be gone : I heare one cal me more then earnestly . Exit Auditus . LING. Nay the loud cannoning of thunder-boults , Screeking of Wolues , houling of tortur'd Ghosts Pursue thee still and fill thy amazed eares With cold astonishment and horrid feares : O how these senses mufftle common sense : And 〈◊〉 , and more with pleasing obiects striue , To dull his iudgement and preuert his will To their be-hests , who were he not so wrapt I' the dus●kie cloudes of their darke pollicies , Would neuer suffer right to suffer wronge , Fie Lingua wilt thou now degenerate : Art not a woman , doost not loue reuenge , Delightfull speeches , sweet perswasions I haue this long time vsd to get my right , My right that is to make the Senses sixe ; And haue both name and power with the rest . Oft haue I seasoned sauorie periods , With sugred words , to delude Gustus taste , And oft embelisht my entreatiue phrase With smelling flowres of vernant Rhetorique , Limming and flashing it with various Dyes , To draw proud Visus to me by the eyes : And oft perfum'd my petitory stile , With Ciuet-speach , t' entrap Olfactus Nose , And clad my selfe in Silken Eloquence , To allure the nicer touch of Tactus hand , But all 's become lost labour , and my cause Is still procrastinated ; therefore now , Hence yee base off-spring of a broken minde , Supple intreaties and smooth flatteries : Go kisse the loue-sick lippes of puling Guls , That still their Braine to quench their loues disdaine , Go guild the tongues of Bawdes and Parasites , Come not within my thoughts . But thou Deceipt , Breake vp the pleasure of my Brim-full brest , Enrich my minde with subtile pollicies . Well then I le goe , whither ? nay what know I ? And do , in faith I will , the deuill knowes what , What if I set them , all at variance , And so obteine to speake , it must be so , It must be so , but how ? there lyes the point : How ? thus : cut the deuise will neuer proue , Augment it so , 't will be too soone descride , Or so , nor so , 't is too too dangerous , Pish , none of these , what if I take this course ? ha ? Why there it goes , good , good most excellent , He that will catch Eeles must disturbe the floud , The Chickin's hatcht ifaith , for they are proud , And soone will take a cause of disagreement .

ACTVS . 1. SCENA . 2. MENDACIO , attired in a Taffata sute of a light colour changeable , like an ordinary , page , Gloues , Hamper . LINGVA . MENDACIO . LING. I see the heauens nurse my new-borne deuise , For loe my page Mendacio comes already , To file and Burnish that I hammerd out , Neuer in better time Mendacio , What hast thou done ? MEN. Done , yes long agoe . LING. Is t possible thous shouldst dispatch so soone ? MEN. Madame , I had no sooner told Tactus , that Gustus would faine speake with him : But I spied Visus , Gustus and the rest , And serued them all with sauce of seuerall lyes , Now the last Sense I spake with was Olfactus , Who hauing smelt the meaning of my message , Straight blew his nose , and quickly puft me hither , But in the whirle-winde of his furious blast , Had not by chance a Cobweb held me fast , Mendacio had beene with you long ere this , LING. Witnesse this lye , Mendacio's with me now , But sirra out of iesting will they come ? MEND. Yes and it like your Ladyship presently : Here may you haue me prest to flatter them . LING. I le slatter no such proud Companions , 'T will doe no good , therefore I am determined To leaue such basenesse . MEN. Then shall I turne and bid them stay at home . LING. No , for their comming hither to this groue , Shall be a meanes to further my deuise , Therefore I pray thee Mendacio go presently , Run you vile Ape . MEN. Whether ? LING. What doost thou stand ? MEN. Till I know what to doe . LING. S'pretious 't is true , So might thou finely ore-run thine errand . Hast to my Chest. MEN. I , I , LING There shalt-thou find , A gorgeous Robe , and golden Coronet , Conuey them hither nimbly , let none see them . MEN. Madam , I flie , I flie . Exit Mendacio . LING. But here you sirra ? Lock vp your fellow Seruant , Veritas , MEND. I warrant you , You need not feare so long as I am with you . He goes out , and comes in presently . What coulour is the Robe ? LING. There is but one . Mendacio going , turnes in hast . MEN. The Key Madam , the Key . LING. By Iuno how forgetfull is suddaine speed . Here take it , runne . MEN. I le be here instantly . Exit Mendacio .

ACT. 1. SCENE . 3. LINGVA Sola , LING. Whilome this Crowne and gorgious ornament , Were the great prize , for which fiue Orators , With the sharpe weapons of their tongues contended : But all their speeches were so equall wrought , And a-like gratious , that if his were witty His was as wise ; the thirds faire eloquence Did pararell the fourths firme grauitie , The lasts good gesture kept the Ballance euen With all the rest so that the sharpest eye , And most iudicious censor could not iudge To whom the hanging victory should fall , Therefore with one consent they all agreed , To offer vp both Crowne and Robe to me , As the chiefe patronesse of their profession , Which heretofore I holily haue kept , Like to amisers gold , to looke on onely . But now I le put them to a better vse , And venter both , in hope to —

ACT. 1. SCENA . 4. MENDACIO . LINGVA . MEND. Haue I not hied me Madam ? looke you here , What shall be done with these temptations ? LING. They say a golden Ball , Bred enmitie betwixt three Goddesses , So shall this Crowne be author of debate , Betwixt fiue Senses . MEND. Where shall it be laide ? LING. There , there , there , 't is well , so , so , so , MEND. A Crown 's a pleasing baite to looke vpon , The craftiest Foxe will hardly scape this trap . LING. Come le ts vs away , and leaue it to the chance . MEND. Nay rather let me stand close here-abouts , And see the euent . LING. Do so , and if they doubt How it came there , faine them some pritty fable , How that some God — MEND : Tut , tut , tut , let me alone , I that haue fained so many hundred Gods , Can easily forge some fable for the turne : Whist Madame , away , away , you fright the Fowle , Tactus comes hard by , looke you . LING. Is t he for certaine ? MEND. Yes , yes , yes , 't is he . LING. 'T is he indeed . Exit Lingua .

ACT. 1. SCEN. 5. TACTVS , in a darke coloured Sattin mantle ouer a paire of silke Bases , a Garland of Bayes mixt with white and red Roses , vpon a blacke Grogaram , a Faulchion , wrought sleeues , Buskins . &c. MENDACIO . TACTVS . MEN. Now chast Diana grant my netts to hold . TACT. The blasting Child-hood of the cheerefull morne Is almost growne a youth and ouer-climbes Yonder gilt Easterne hills , about which time , Gustus most earnestly importund me , To meete him here abouts , what cause I know not . MEN. You shall do shortly to your cost I hope . TACT. Sure by the Sunne it should be nine a clocke . MEN. What a star-gazer , will you neere looke downe ? TACT. Cleere is the Sunne and blewe the Firmament , Me thinkes the heauens do smile . Tactus sneezeth . — MEN. At thy nishap . To looke so high and stumble in a trap . Tactus stumbleth at the Robe and Crowne . TAC. High thoughts haue slippry feete , I had well ni● falne . MEN. Well doth he fall that riseth with a fall . TACT. What s this ? MEN. O are you taken , t is in vaine to striue . TACT. How now ? MEN. You le be so entangled straight . TACT. A Crowne ? MEN. That it will be heard . TACT. And a Robe . MEN. To loose your selfe . TAC. A Crowne and a Robe . MEN. It had beene fitter for you , to haue found a fooles coate and a Bable , hey , hey . TAC. Iupiter , Iupiter how came this here ? MEN. O Sir Iupiter is making Thunder hee here s you not , here s one knowes better . TACT. T is wondrous rich , ha , but sure it is not so , ho , Do I not sleepe and dreame of this good luck , ha . No I am awake and feele it now Whose should it be ? He takes it vp MEN. Set vp a Si quis for it . TACT. Mercury all s mine owne , here s none to cry halfes mine . MEN. When I am gone , Exit Mendacio .

ACT. 1. SCEN. 6. TACTVS solus : TACT. Tactus thy sneezing somewhat did pottend , Was euer man so fortunate as I ? To breake his shinnes at such a stumbling Block , Roses and Baies packe hence : this Crowne and Robe , My Browes and Bodie circles and inuests . How gallantly it fitts me , sure the slaue , Measurd my head that wrought this Coronet . They lie that say Complections cannot change : My Bloud 's 〈◊〉 , and I am transform'd , Vnto the sacred temper of a King , Me thinke I here my noble Parasites Stiling me Caesar , or great Alexander , Licking my feete and wondring where I got This pretious oyntment ; how my pace is mended , How princely do I speake , how sharpe I threaten : Peasants I le curbe your head strong impudence : And make you tremble when the Lyon roates , Yea earth-bred wormes . O for a looking glasse : Poets will write whole volumes of this scarre , Where 's my attendants ? Come hither Sirra quickly . Or by the wings of Hermes . —

ACT. 1. SCEN. 7. OLFACTVS , in a Garland of Bayes intermingled with white and red Roses vpon a false hayre , his sleeues wrought with flowers vnder a Damaskt mantle ouer a paire of silke Bases , a paire of Buskins drawne with riband , a flowre in his hand . TACTVS . OLFACTVS . TACT. Ay me Olfactus comes , I cald too soone , Hee le haue halfe part I feare what shall I do ! Where shall I run ? how shall I shift him of ! Tactus wrappes vp the robe and crowne and sits vpon them . OLF. This is the time & this the place appointed , Where Visiu promis'd to conferre with me , I thinke hee 's there — No , no , t is Tactus sure . How now ? What makes you sit so nicely ? TACT. It s past immagination , it s so indeed . OEF. How fast his deeds are fixed and how melancholly he lookes . Tactus , Tactus . TACT. For this is true , Mans life is wondrous brittle . OLF. He 's mad I thinke he talkes so Idely , so ho , Tactus . TACT. And many haue beene metamorphosed , To stranger matters and more vncoth fonnes , OLF. I must go neerer him he doth not heare . TACT. And yet me thinks , I speake as I was wont And — OLF. Tactus , Tactus . TACT. Olfactus as thou louest come not neere me , OLF. Why art thou hatching eggs th' art feard to breake them TACT. Touch me not least thou chance to breake my life . OLF. What s this vnder thee ? TACT. If thou meddle with mee I am vtterly vndone , OLF. Why man what ayles thee ? TACT. Let me alone and I le tell thee , Lately I came from fine Fantastes house . OLF So I beleeue for thar' t very foolish . TACT. No sooner had I parted out of doores , But vp I held my hands before my face : To sheild mine eyes from th' lights percing beames , When I protest I saw the Sunne as cleere , Through these my palmes as through a prospectiue ▪ No marueile , for when I beheld my fingers : I sawe my fingers neere transform'd to glasse , Opening my breast , my Breast was like a windowe , Through which I plainely did perceiue my heart : In whose two Concaues I discernd my thoughts , Confusedly lodged in great multitudes . OLF. Ha , ha , ha , ha , why this is excellent , Momus himselfe can find no fault with thee Thou 'st make a passing liue ▪ Anatom●● . And decide the Question much disputed : Betwixt the Galenists and Aristotle . TACT. But when I had ariu'd and set me downe , Viewing my selfe , my selfe ay me was changed . As thou now seest to a perfect vrinall . OLF.

T' a perfect vrinal , O monstrous monstrous , art not mad to thinke so ?

TACT. I do not thinke so , but I say I am so , Therefore Olfactus come not neere I aduise you : OLF. See the strange working of dull mellanchollie . Whose drossy drying the feeble Braine , Corrupts the sense , deludes the Intellect . And in the soules faire table falsly graues , Whole squadrons of phantasticall Chimeras And thousand vaine immaginations : Making some thinke their heads as big as houses , Some that th' ar dead , some that th' ar turnd to Wolues : As now it makes him thinke himselfe all glasse , Tactus diswade thy selfe , thou doest but thinke so . TACT. Olfactus if thou louest mee get thee gone , I am an vrinall I dare not stirre . For feare of cracking in the Bottome . OLF. Wilt thou sit thus all day ? TACT. Vnlesse thou helpe me . OLF. Bedlam must helpe thee , what wouldst haue me do ! TACT. Go to the Citty make a Case fit for me . Stuffe it with wooll , then come againe and fetch . OLF. Ha , ha , ha , thou 'lt be laught out of case & countenance . TACT. I care not , so it must be , or I cannot stirre . OLF.

I had best leaue troubling him he 's obstinate , ( Vrinall I leaue you ) but aboue all things take heed Iupiter sees you not , for if he doe hee le nere make water in a siue : againe thou lt serue his turne so sit to carry his water vnto Aesculapius , Farewell Vrinall , Farewell .

TACT.

Speake not so lowd , the sounds inough to crack me , What is he gone ? I an Vrinall , ha , ha , ha , I protest I might haue had my face washt finely , if he had meant to abuse me : I an Vrinall , ha , ha , ha , go to ▪ Vrinall you haue scapt a faire scouring , well I le away , and get me to mine owne house , there I le lock vp my selfe fast , playing the Chimick , augmenting this one Crowne to troopes of Angels , with which gold-winged messengers , I meane ,

To worke great wonders , as to build and purchase , Fare daintily , tie vp mens tongues , and loose them , Command their liues , their goods , their liberties , And captiue all the world with chaines of gold , Hey , hey , tery linkum tinkum . He offers to go out , but comes in suddenly amazed . O Hercules ! Fortune the Queene , delights to play with me , Stopping my passage with the sight of Visus , But as he makes hether . I le make hence , There s more wayes to the wood then one . He offers to go out at the other doore , but returnes againe in hast What more Diuils to affright me ? O Diabolo , Gustus comes here to vexe me . So that I poore wretch , am like a Shittle-cock betwixt two Battledores ▪ If I runne there , Visus beates me to Scilla , If here , then Gustus blowes me to Carybdi● . Neptune hath sworne my hope shall suffer shipwrack . What shall I say ? Mine Vrinal's too thin to bide the fury of such stormcs as these .

ACT. 1. SCEN. 8. VISVS , in a Garland of Bayes mixt with white and red Roses , a light coloured Taffata mantle striped with siluer , and fringd vpon greene silke Bases , Buskins . &c. GVSTVS in the same fashion , differing onely in colour . TACTVS , in a corner of the Stage . VISVS . GVSTVS . TACTVS . VIS. Gustus good day . GVST. I cannot haue a bad , Meeting so faire an omen as your selfe . TACT. Shall I ? wilt proue ? ha ? well 't is best to venture . Tactus puts on the robes . GVST. Saw you not Tactus , I should speake with him . TACT. Perchance so , a sodaine lye hath best luck . VIS. That face is his , or else mine eye 's deceiu'd , Why how now Tactus , what so gorgious ? GVST. Where didst thou get these faire habiliments ? TACT. Stand back I charge you as you loue your liues , By Stix , the first that toucheth me shall dye . VIS. I can discerne no weapons , will he kill vs ? TACT. Kill you ? not I , but come not neere me you had best . VIS. Why , art thou mad ? TACT. Friends as you loue your liues , Venture not once to come within my reach . GVST. Why dost threaten so ? TACT. I do not threaten , but in pure loue aduise you for the best , Dare not to to touch me but hence flie a pace , Adde wings vnto your feete and saue your liues . VIS. Why what 's the matter Tactus prethe tell me ? TACT. If you will needs ieopard your liue ; so long , As heare the ▪ round of my amazednesse , Then for your better safetie stand aside . GVST. How full of ceremonies ▪ sure he 'le coniure , For such like Robes Magitians vse to weare . VIS. I le see the end ▪ though he should vnlock Hell : And set th' infernall hagges at libertie , TACT. How rash is man on bidden armes to rush . It was my chance , O chance most miserable , To walke that way that to Crumena leads . GVST. You meane Cremona a little Towne hard by . TACT. I say Crumena , called Vacua , A Towne which doth , and alwaies hath belongd , Chiefely to Schollers : from Crumena walles , I saw a man came stealing craftily , Apparelled in this vesture which I weare , But seeing me eft-soones , he tooke his heeles , And threw his garment from him all in hast , Which I perceiuing to be richly wrought , Tooke it me vp : But good now get you gone , Warn'd by my harmes , and scape my miserie . VIS. I know no danger , leaue these circumstances . TAC. No sooner had I put it on my back , But suddainly mine eyes began to dim , My ioints waxe sore , and all my body burne With most intestiue torture , and at length , It was too euident , I had caught the plague . VIS. The plague , away good Gustus le ts be gone , I doubt 't is true , now I remember me , Crumena Vacua neuer wants the plague . GVST. Tactus I le put my selfe in ieopardy to pleasure thee . TACT. No gentle Gustus , your absence is the onely thing I wish , Least I infect you with my companie . GVST. Farewell . Exit Gustus . VIS. I willingly would stay to do thee good . TACT. A thousand thankes , but since I needs must die , Let it suffice , death onely murthers me , Oh 't would augment the dolour of my death , To know my selfe the most vnhappy Bowe , Through which pale death should aime his shafts at you . VIS. Tactus farewell , yet die with this good hope , Thy corps shall be interred as they ought . Exit Visus . TAC. Go make my Tombe , prouide my funerals , ha , ha , ha , ha , ha , ha , Excellent Asses thus to be deluded , Bewaile his death and cruell destinies , That liues , and laughes your fooleries to scorne , But wher 's my Crowne , oh here : I well deserue , Thus to be crowned for two great victories ▪ ha , ha , ha , Visus take care my corps be well interr'd : Go make my tombe , and write vpon the stone . Here lyes the Sense , that lying guld them all , With a false plague , and fained Vrinall .

ACT. 1. SCENE . 9. AVDITVS . TACTVS . AVD.

Tactus , Tactus .

TAC.

O Iupiter , 't is Auditus all 's mard , I doubt the slie knaue here s so farre , but yet I le grope him : how now Ea●es , what make you here , ha ?

AVD.

Nay , what make you here , I pray what were you talking euen now , of an Asse , & a Crowne , & an Vrinall & a plague ?

TAC.

A plague on you what I ?

AVD.

Oh , what you .

TAC.

O I had well nigh forgot nothing , but I say —

AVD.

What ?

TA.

That if a man ( do you marke sir ) being sick of the plague ( do you see sir ) had a a , a , hem , hem , ( this cold troubles me , It makes me cough somtimes extreamly , ) had a French Crowne , ( sir you vnderstand me ) lying by him , and ( come hither , come hither ) & would not bestow 2. pence ( do you heare ) to buy an vrinall ( do you marke me ) to cary his water to the Phisitian , ( hem )

AVD.

What of all this ?

TA.

I say such a one was a very Asse , this was al I vse to speak to my selfe , when I am alone ; but Auditus , when shall wee heare a new set of singing-books , or th' viols , or the consort of Instruments .

AV.

This was not al , for I heard mention of a tombe , & an epitaph .

TAC.

True , true , I made my selfe mery with this Epitaph , vpon such a fooles tombe thus a , thus , thus , plague brought this man , ( foh I haue forgotten ) ô thus , plague brought this man ( so , so , so ) vnto his buriall , because , because , because , ( hem , hem ) because he would not buy an vrinall , come , come Auditus shall we here thee play , the Lyeroway , or the Lut●-wa● shall we , or the Cornet , or any Musicke , I am greatly reuiued when I heare .

AVD.

Tactus , Tactus , this will not serue , I heard all , you haue not found a Crowne : you , no , you haue not .

ACT. 1. SCEN. Vltima . TACTVS . AVDITVS . VISVS . GVSTVS . MENDATIO . TACT.

Peace , peace , faith peace , come hether , harke thee good nowe .

AVD.

I cannot hold I must needes tell ,

TACT.

O do not , do not , do not , come hether , will you bee a foole ?

VIS.

Had he not wings vpon his feete and shoulders ?

MEN. Yes , yes and a fine wand in his hand , Curiously wrapped with a paire of snakes . TACT. Will halfe content you , pish t wil nere be knowne . GVST. My life , t was Mercury . MEND.

I do not knowe his name but this I am sure his hat had wings vp'ont .

VIS. Doubtles t was he , but say my Boy what did he ? MEND. First I beheld him houering in the aire , And then downe stouping , with a hundred gires : His feete he fixed on Mount Ch●phal●n , From whence he flew and lighted on that plaine , And with disdainefull steps soone glided thether : Whether ariued , he suddenly vnfoulds A gorgeous Robe , and glittering ornament , And laye them all , vpon that hillocke : This done he wafts his wand , tooke wing againe , And in a moment vanisht out of sight , With that mine eies gan stare , and heart grew cold , And all my quiuering ioynts with sweat bedewd : My heeles my thought had wings as well as his , And so away I runne , but by the way : I met a man as I thought comming thether , GVST. What markes had he ? MEND. He had a great — what this is he , this is he , VIS. What Tactus ? GVST. This was the plauge vext him so , Tactus your Graue gapes , for you are you ready : VIS. Since you must needes die , do as others do , Leaue all your goods behind you ; bequeath the Crowne and Robe , to your executors . TACT. No such matter I like the Egiptian Knights , For the more state , wil be buried in them . VIS. Come , come deliuer : Visus snatcheth the crowne and sees letters grauen in it . TACT. What will you take my purse from me ? VIS. No but a Crowne , that s iust more then your owne . Ha , what s this ? t is a very small hand , What Inscription is this ? Hee of the fiue that proues himselfe the best , Shall haue his Temples with this Coronet blest . This Crowne is mine , and mine this garment is , For I haue alwaies beene accounted best . TACT.

Next after mee , I as your selfe at any time : besides I found it first , therefore t is mine .

GVST. Neither of youres , but mine as much as both , AVD. And mine the most of any of you all , VIS. Giue me it or els — TACT. I le make you late repent it — GVST. Presumptious as you are — AVD. Spite of your teeth — MEND. Neuer till now a ha it workes a pace , Visus I know t is yours and yet me thinkes : Auditus you should haue some challenge to it , But that your title Tactus is so good : Gustus I would sweare the Coronet were yours , What will you all go braule about a trifle : Viewe but the pleasant coast of Mycrocosme , Is t not great pitty to be rent with warres , Is t not a shame , to staine with brinish teares , The smiling cheekes of euer-cheer●full peace , Is t not farre better to liue quietly : Then broyle in fury of dissention , Giue me the Crowne ye shall not disagree , If I can please you ; I le play Paris part , And most vnpartiall iudge the controuersie : VIS.

Sauce-box goe meddle with your Ladies fa●ne , and prate not here .

MEND. I speake not for my selfe , but for my Countries safe commoditie . VIS. Sirra be still . MEND. Nay and you be so hot the deuill part you , I le to Olfactus and send him amongst you . O that I were ▪ Alecto for your sakes : How liberally wou'd I bestow my snakes . Exit Mendico . VIS. Tactus vpon thine honour , I challenge thee to meete me here , Stronge as thou canst prouide in tha●flernoone . TACT. I vnder-take the Challenge , and here s my hand , In signe thou shalt be answered . GVST. Tactus I le ioyne with thee , on this condition , That if we win , he that fought best of vs , Shall haue the Crowne , the other weare the Robe . TACT. Giue me your hand I like the motion . VIS. Auditus shall we make our forces double , Vpon the same termes . AVD. Very willingly , VIS. Come le ts away feare not the victory . Rights more aduantage , then an host of soldiars . Exeunt omnes . Finis . Act. primi .

Actus . 2. Scena 1. APPETITVS . Along lea●e Raw-bou'd fellow in a Souldiers coate , a sword , &c. MENDACIO . APPETITVS . MEND.

I long to see those hot-spur senses at it , they say they haue gallant preparations , and not vnlikely , for most of the soldiers are ready in Aames since the last feild fought against their yearely enemy Meleager , & his wife Acrasia ; that Conquest hath so flesht them that no peace can hold them . But had not Meleager beene sicke , and Acrasia drunke , the senses might haue whistled for the victory .

APP.

Foh , what a stincke of gunpouder is yonder ?

MEND.

Whoe s this ! oh oh t is Appetitus , Gustus his hungry Parasite .

APP.

I cannot indure the smoking of Gunnes , the thundering of drums , I had rather here the merry hacking of pot-hearbs , and see the reaking of a hot capon . If they would vse no other Bucklers in warre , but sheilds of Brawne , brandish no swords but sweards of Bacon , traile no speares , but spar●ibs of Porke , and insteed of Hargebush peices discharge Hartichockpies , tosse no pikes but boyled pickrills , then Appetitus would rouse vp his crest , and beare vp him selfe with the proudest .

MEND.

Ah here s a youth starke naught at a trench , but old dog at a trencher , at tall squire at a square table .

APP.

But now my good masters must pardon mee , I am not for their seruice , for their seruice is without seruice , and indeed their seruice is too hoat for my diet . But what . If I bee not my selfe ▪ but only this be my spirit that wanders vp and downe , and Appetitus be kild in the Camp , the Diuill he is as soone , howe s that possible ? tut tut I know I am , ● , I am 〈…〉 , and aliue too , by this Infallible token , that I feele my selfe hungry .

MEND.

Thou mightst haue taken a better token of thy selfe , by knowing thou art a foole .

APP.

Wel then though I made my fellow souldiers admire the beauty of my backe & wonder at the nimblenes of my hee'es , yet now wil I at saftie at home , tell in what dangers they are abroad , I le speake nothing but guns , and glaues , and states , and phalanges , & squadrons , and barracadoe , ambuscadoes , palmedoes blanke point dept , counterpoint , counter sc●ate , Gallies and lies , saladoes , tarantan●aras , ranta , tara tara , hey

MEND. I must take the fife out of his mouth or he 'le nere adone . APP.

But aboue all I le bee sure on my knees to thanke the great —

〈…〉 him . MEND. Who am I , who am I , who I ? APP. By the bloud-staind fauchion of Mauors — I am on your side . MEND. Why , who am I ? APP. Are you a souldier ? MEND. No. APP. Then you are maister Hellen the Bear-heard , MEND. No , no , he 's dead . APP.

Or Gulono the gutty Seriant , or Delphino the Vinter , or els I know you not , for these are all my acquaintance .

MEN.

Would I were hangd if I be any of these .

APP.

What Mendacio , by the faith of a Knight thou art welcome , I must borrow thy Whetstone to sharpen the edges of my martiall complements .

MEN.

By the faith of a Knight , what a pox , where are thy Spurres ?

APP.

I need no spurres , I ride like Pegasus on a winged horse , on a swift Gennet , my Boy , called feare .

MEN.

What shouldst thou feare in the warres ? hee 's not a good souldier that hath not a good stomack .

APP.

O , but the stinke of powder spoiles Appetitus stomack , and then thou knowst when 't is gone , Appetitus is dead , therefore I very manfully drew my sword , and flourisht it brauely about mine eares , kist , and finding my selfe hurr , most manfully ranne away .

MEN.

All heart indeed , for thou ran'st like a Hart out of the field , It seemes then the Senses meane to sight it out .

APP.

I and out-fight themselues I thinke , and all about a trifle , a paltrie bable , found I know not where .

MEN.

Thou art deceiued , they fight for more then that , a thing called superioritie , of which the Crowne is but an Embleme .

APP.

Mendacio hang this superioritie , Crowne mee no Crowne but Bacchus Crowne of Roses , giue me no Scepter , but a fat Capons legge , to shew that I am the great King of Hungarie , therefore I prethee talke no more of state-matters , but in briefe , tell mee my little rascall , how thou hast spent thy time this many a day ?

MEN.

Faith in some credit since thou saw'st me last .

APP

How so , where ?

MEN.

Euery where ; in the Court your Gentlewomen hang me at their Apron strings , and that makes them answer so readily . In the Cittie I am honour'd like a God , none so well acquainted with your tradesmen : your Lawyers all the Terme time hire me of my Lady , your Gallants if they heare my name abused , they stab for my sake : your Trauellers so dote vpon me as passes , O they haue good reason , for I haue carried them to many a good meale , vnder the Countenance of my familiarity : nay your States-men haue oftentimes closely conueied me vnder their tongues , to make their pollicies more currant , As for old-men they challenge my Company by authority .

APP.

I am exceeding glad of your great promotion .

MEND.

Nowe when I am disposed I can Philophy it in the Vniuersity , with the subtilest of them all .

APP.

I cannot be perswaded that t' art acquainted with Schollers euer since thou wert prest to death in a Print-house .

MEND.

No , why I was the first founder of the 3. sects of Phylosophy except on of the Peripatetticks who accknowledge Aristotle ( I confesse ) their great Grand-father .

APP.

Thou Boy , how is this possible ? thou art but a Child and there were sects of Philosophy before thou wert borne .

MEND.

Appetitus , thou mistakest me , I tell thee , 3000 yeares agoe was Mendacio borne in Greece , nurst in Creete and euer since honoured euery where : I le bee sworne I held old Homers pen when hee write his Illiads , and his Odisses .

APP.

Thou hadst need , for I heare say he was blind .

MEND.

I helped Herodotus to pen some part of his muses , lent Pliny inke to write his history , rounded Rabalais in the eare when he historified Pantagruell , as for Lucian I was his Genius , O those two Bookes De Vera historia howsoeuer they go vnder his name , I le be sworne I writ them euery title .

APP.

Sure as I am Hungry thou 'st haue it for lying . But hast thou rusted this latter time for want of excercise ?

MEND.

Nothing lesse ▪ I must confesse I would faine haue dogged Stow and great Hollings-head on their elbowes , when they were about their Chronicles , and as I remember Sir Iohn Mandeuills trauells , and a great part of the Decads were of my doing . But for the mirror of Knight-hood , Beuis of Southampton , Palmerin of England , Amadis of Gaule , Huon de Burdeaux , Sir Guy of Warwick Martin marprellate , Robin-hood , Garragantua , Gerilion and a thousand such exquisite monuments as these , no doubt but they breath on my breath vp and downe .

APP.

Downewards I le sweare for the'r s stinking lies in them .

MEN.

But what should I light a Candle to the bright Sunne-shine of my glorious renowne , the whole world is full of Mendacios fame .

APP.

And so it wil be so long as the world is full of fame .

MEND.

But Sirra how hast thou done this long time ?

APP.

In as much request as thy selfe . To begin with the Court as thou didst , I lie with the Ladies all night , and that s the reason they call for Cullies , and Gruellies , so early before their praiers , your gallants neuer sup , break-fast , or Beauer without me .

MEND.

That s false for I haue seene them eate with a full stomacke .

APP.

True , but because they know a little thinge driues mee from them , therefore in midst of meate they present mee with some sharpe sauce or a dish of delicate Anchoues , or a Cauiare , to intice me backe againe , nay more your olde Sirs that hardly go without a propp , will walke a mile or two euery day to renew their accquaintance with mee , as for the Academie it is beholding to mee , for adding the eight prouince vnto noble Heptarchie of the liberall sciences .

MEND.

What s that I prethee .

APP. The most desired and honorable art of Cookerie . Now Sirra in the Citty I am — st , st. O the body of a Louse . MEND.

What art a louse in the Citty ?

APP.

Not a word more for yonder comes Phantastes , and some bodie else .

MEND.

What a pox can Phantastes do ?

APP.

Worke a miracle if he would proue wise .

MEN.

T is he indeede , the vilest nup : yet the foole loues mee exceedinglie but I care not for his company for if he once catch me , I shall neuer be rid of him .

Exeunt Appe● : and Mend.

ACT , 2. SCEN. 2. PHANTASTES . Aswart complexion'd fellow but quicke y'd , in a white Satten dublet of one fashion , greene veluet hose of another ? Aphentasticall hat with a plume of fethers of seuerall collours , a little short tasfata cloake , a paire of Buskins cut , drawne out with sundry coloured Ribands , with scarfes hung about him , after all fashions , and of all collours , ringes , Iewells , a fanne , and in euery place other od complements . HEVRESIS . A nimble sprighted page in the newest fashion with a garlend of Bayes . &c. PHANTASTES . HEVRESIS . PHAN.

Sirra Boy He●resi●●boy how now byting your nailes ?

HEV .

Three things haue trobled my braine this many a day , and iust now , when I was laying hold on the Inuention of them , your suddaine call , made them like Tantalus apples , flie from my fingers .

PH.

Some great matters questionles , what were they ?

HEV .

The quadrature of a circle , the Philosophers stone and the next way to the Indies ;

PH.

Thou dost well to meditate on these three things at once for th●ile bee found out altogither , ad graecas calendas , but let them passe and cary the conceite , I told you this morning to the partie you wot of . In my immagination t is Capritious , t' will take I warrant thee .

HEV .

I will Sir ▪ But what say you to the gentleman that was with you yesterday ?

PH.

O I thinke thou meanest him that made 19. sonnets of his mistris Busk-point ;

HEV .

The same , the same , Sir . You promis'd to helpe him out with th' twentith .

PHA.

By Iupiters clouen pate t is true . But wee witty fellowes are so forgetfull , but stay , hu , hu , cary him this .

The gordian knot which Alexander great , Did whilom cut with his all conquering sword : Was nothing like thy Busk-point pretty Peate , Nor could so faire an augury afford .

Then to conclude let him peruert Catullus his zonam soluit diu ligatam thus , thus .

Which if I chaunce to cut or els vntie , Thy little world I le conquer presently . T is pretty , pretty , tell him t was extemporall , HEV .

Well Sir , but now for Maister Inameratos loue-letter .

PH.

Some netling stuffe yfaith ; let him write thus ▪ Most heart commanding fac't Gentlewoman , euen as the stone in India called Basaliscus , hurts all that lookes on it : and as the Serpent in Arabia called Smaragdu● delighteth the sight , so does thy celestiall orbe assimilating eyes , both please , and in pleasing wound my loue-darted heart .

HEV .

But what trick shall I inuent for the conclusion ?

PHA.

Pish any thing Loue will minister Inke for the rest , He that once begun well , hath halfe done , let him begin againe and there 's all .

HEV .

Maister Gullio spoke for a new fashion , what for him ?

PHA.

A fashion for his sute — let him button it downe the sleeue with foure elbowes , and so make it the pure heiroglyphick of a foole .

HEV .

Nay then let me request one thing of you .

PHA.

What 's that Boy ? by this faire hand thou shalt haue it .

HEV .

Mistrisse Superbia a Gentlewoman of my acquaintance wisht me to deuise her a new set for her Ruffe , and an odde tire , I pray sir helpe me out with it .

PHA.

Ah Boy in my conceit it 's a heard matter to performe , these women haue well nigh tired me , with deuising tires for them , and ferme at an non plus for new sets , their heads are so light , & their eyes so coye , that I know not how to please them .

HEV .

I pray Sir , she hath a bad face , and faine would haue sutors , Phantastical and odde apparrell , would perchance draw some body to looke on her .

PHA.

If her face be nought , in my opinion , the more view it , the worse , bid her weare the multitude of her deformities vnder a maske , till my leasure will serue to deuise some durable , and vnstained blush of painting .

HEV .

Very good Sir .

PHA.

Away then , hye thee againe , meete me at the Court within this houre at the farthest . Exit Heuresis . Oh heauens , how haue I beene troubled these latter times with Women , Fooles , Babes , Taylers , Poets , Swaggerers , Guls , Ballad-makers , they haue almost disrobed me of all the toyes and trifles I can deuise , were it not that I pitty the poore multitude of Printers , these Sonnet-mungers should starue for conceits , for all Phantastes . But these puling Louers , I cannot but laugh at them and their Encomions of their Mistresses . They make forsooth her hayre of Gold , her eyes of Diamond , her cheekes of Roses , her lippes of Rubies , her teeth of Pearle , and her whole body of Iuory : and when they haue thus Idold ' her like Pigmalion , they fall downe and worship her . Psyche , thou hast laid a hard taske vpon my shoulders , to inuent at euery ones aske , were it not that I refresh my dulnesse once a day with my most Angelicall presence , 't were vnpossible for me to vndergo it .

ACTVS . 2. SCENA . 3. COMMVNIS SENSVS , a graue man in a Black veluet cassocke like a Councellor , speakes comming out of the dore . COMMVNIS SENSVS . PHANTASTES . COM. S.

I cannot stay , I tell you 't is more then time I were at Court , I know my soueraine Psyche hath expected me this houre

PHA.

In good time , yonder comes Common-sense , I imagine it should be he by his voice .

COM. S.

Craue my counsell , tell me what maner of man he is ? can he entertaine a man into his house , can he hold his Veluet Cap in one hand , and vale his bonnet with the other ? knowes he how to become a Scarlet gowne , hath he a paire of fresh posts at his doore ?

PHA.

Hee 's about some hasty State-matters , he talkes of posts me thinkes .

COM. S.

Can hee part a couple of Dogges brawling in the streete ? why then choose him Mayor●vpon my credit , hee le proue a wise officer .

PHA.

Saue you my Lord , I haue attended your leisure this houre .

COM S.

Fye vpon 't what a toile haue I had to choose them a Mayor yonder ? there 's a fustie Currier will haue this man : the●e's a Chandlor wipes his nose on his sleeue , and sweares it shall not bee so . There 's a Musterd-maker lookes as keene as Viniger will haue another : O this many headed multitude , it 's a hard matter to please them .

PHA.

Especially where the multitude is so well headed . But I pray you where 's Maister Memory ? hath hee forgotten himselfe that he is not here .

COM. SEN.

'T is high time he were at Court , I would he would come .

ACT. 2. SCEN. 4. MEMORY , an old decrepit man , in a black Veluet Cassock , a Taffata Gowne furred , with white Grogaram , a white beard , Veluet slippers , a Watch , Staffe , &c. ANAMNESTES his Page , in a graue Sattin sute Purple , Buskins , a Garland of Bayes and Rosemary , a gimmall ring with one linke hanging , Ribbands and Threds tyed to some of his fingers , in his hand a paire of Table-bookes , &c ▪ MEMORIE . ANAMNESTES . PHANTASTES . SENS. COM. MEM.

How soone a wise man shall haue his wish .

COM. SE.

Memory the season of your comming is very ripe .

PH.

Had you staid a little longer 't would haue bin starke rotten .

MEM.

I am glad I sau'd it from the Swine — Spretious I haue forgot something . O my purse , my purse , why Anamnestes ? Remembrance where art thou Anamnestes Remembrance , that vild Boy is alwayes gadding , I remember he was at my heeles , eue● now and now the vild Rascall is vanisht .

PHA

Is he not here ? why then in my imagination hee 's left behind , ô la ▪ Anamnestes remembrance .

AN.

( running in hast . ) Anon , anon , sir anon , anon sir , anon , anon sir , anon , anon , sir.

MEM.

Ha sirra , what a brawling 's here ?

AN.

I do but giue you an answer with anon Sir .

MEM.

You answer sweetly , I haue cald you three or foure times one after another .

AN.

Sir , I hope I answered you 3. or 4. times , one in the neck of another . But if your good worship haue lent me any more calls , tell me , and I le repay them as I am a Gentleman .

MEM.

Leaue your tattle ▪ had you come at first I had not spent so much breath in vaine .

AN.

The truth is Sir , the first time you called , I heard you not , the second I vnderstood you not , the third I knew not whether it were you or no : the fourth I could not tell where you were , and that 's the reason I answered so suddenly .

MEM.

Goe sirra , runne , seeke euery where , I haue lost my purse some where .

AN.

I go sir ; Go sirra , seeke , runne , I haue lost , bring , here 's a Dogges life with a poxe , shall I bee alwayes vsde like a water-Spanniell .

Exit Anam : COM.

Come good Maister Register , I wonder you be so late now-adayes .

MEM.

My good Lord , I remember that I knew your Grand-father in this your place , and I remember your Grand-fathers great Grand-fathers , Grand-fathers Fathers , Father , yet in those dayes I neuer remember that any of them could say , that Register Memory euer broke one minute of his appointment .

COM. S.

Why good Father , why are you so late now a dayes ?

MEM.

Thus 't is , the most customers I remember my selfe to haue , are ( as your Lordship knowes ) Schollers , and now a daies the most of them are become Critticks , bringing me home such paltry things to lay vp for them , that I can hardly finde them againe .

PH.

Iupiter , Iupiter , I had thought these Flyes had bit none but my selfe , do Critticks tickle you yfaith ?

MEM.

Very familiarly : for they must know of me forsooth how euery idle word is written in all the mustie moath-eaten Manusripts , kept in all the old Libraties in euery Cittie betwixt England and Peru.

COM. SEN.

Indeed I haue noted these times to affect Antiquities , more then is requisite .

MEM.

I remember in the age of Assaracus and Ninus , and about the warres of Thebes , and the siege of Troy , there was few things committed to my charge , but those that were well worthy the preseruing , but now euery trifle must be wrapped vp in the volume of eternitie . A rich pudding-wife , or a Cobler cannot die but I must immortalize his name with an Epitaph : A dog cannot pisse in a Noblemans shee , but it must be sprinkled into the Chronicles , so that I 〈◊〉 could remember my Treasure more full , & neuer emptier of honorable , and true heroycall actions .

PH.

By your leaue Memory you are not alone troubled , Chronologers many of them are so so Phantasticke , as when they bring a Captaine to the Combate , lifting vp his reuengefull arme to dispart the head of his enemie , they 'le hold vp his armes so long till they haue bestowed three or foure pages in describing the gold hilts of his threating Fauchion . So that in my Fancie the reader may well wonder his aduersary stabs him not , before he strikes , moreouer they are become most palpable flatterers alwaies begging at my gates for Inuention .

COM.

This is a great fault in a Chronologer to turne Parasite : An absolute history should bee in feare of none , neither should hee write any thing more then truth for friend-ship , or lesse for hate , but keepe himselfe equall and constant in all his discourses , but for vs we must bee contented , for as our honors increase , so must the burthen of the cares of our offices vrge vs to waxeheauy .

PH.

But not till our backes breake , ●lud there was neuer any so haunted as I am , this da●e there comes a Sophister to my house , knocks at my dore , his errand being ask'd , forsoth his answere was to borrow a faire sute of conceites out of my wardrop , to apparraile a shewe he had in hand , and what thinke you is the plot ?

COM.

Nay I know not , for I am little acquainted with such toies .

PH.

Meane-while he 's somewhat acquainted with you , for he 's bould to bring your person vpon the stage .

COM.

What me ? I cannot remember , that I was euer brought vpon the stage before .

PH.

Yes you and you , and my selfe with all my Phantisticall tricks and humors ▪ but I trow I haue fitted him with Fooleries I trust hee le neuer troble me againe .

COM.

O times , O manners , when Boies dare to traduce men in authority was euer such an attempt heard ?

MEM.

I remember there was ▪ For ( to say the truth ) at my ●ast being at others ( It is now , let me see , about 1800. yeares a goe ) I was at a Commedie of Aristophanes making , ( I shall neuer forget it ) The Arch-gouernor of Athens tooke me by the hand and placed me , and there I say , I saw Socrates abused most grosly , himselfe being then a present spectator : I remember he sate full against me , and did not so much as shew the least countenance of discontent .

COM.

In those dayes it was lawfull , but now the abuse of such liberty is vnsufferable .

PH.

Thinke what you will of it , I thinke 't is done , and I thinke it is acting by this time ; harke harke , what drummings yonder , I le laye my life they are come to present the shewe I spake off .

COM.

It may be so ; stay wee le see what ' t is .

ACT. 2. SCENA . 5. LINGVA . MENDACIO . COM. SEN. and the rest . LING.

Faine thy selfe in great hast .

MEN.

I warrant you Madam : I doubt 't is in vaine to runne , by this they are all past ouer-taking .

COM. SEN.

Is not this Lingua that is in such hast ?

PH.

Yes , yes stand still .

MEN.

I must speake with him .

COM. SEN.

With whom ?

MEN.

Assu●e your selfe they are all at Court ere this .

LING.

Runne after them , for vnlesse he know it —

COM. SEN.

Lingua .

LING.

O is t your Lordship : I beseech you pardon me hast , and feare , I protest put out mine eyes : I lookt so long for you , that I knew not when I had found you .

PHA.

In my conceit , that 's like the man that inquired , who saw his Asse , when himselfe ridde on him .

LING.

O my heart beates so , fie , fie , fie , fie ,

MEN.

I am so weary ▪ fo , fo , fo , fo.

COM. SEN.

I prethee Lingua make an end .

LING.

Let mee begin first I beseech you , but if you will needs haue the end first , thus ' t is . The common-wealth of M●crosme at this instant , suffers the pangs of death , 't is gasping for breath . Will you haue all ? 't is poisned .

PH.

What Pothecary durst be so bold as make such a confection : ha what poison is t ?

LING.

A golden Crowne .

MEM.

I mistake , or els Galen in his booke De sanitate tuenda , commends gold as restoratiue .

COM. SEN.

Lingua expresse your selfe .

MEN.

Madam if you want breath , let me helpe you out .

LING.

I prethee do , do .

MEN.

My Lord , the report is , that Mercurie comming late into this country , in this very place , left a Coronet with this inscription , that the best of the fiue should haue it , which the Senses thinking to belong vnto them —

LING.

Challenge each other , and are now in armes , and 'tlike your Lordship .

COM. SEN.

I protest it likes not me .

LING.

Their battailes are not farre hence ready rang'd .

COM. SEN.

O monstrous presumption ? what shall we do ?

MEM.

My Lord , in your great Grand-fathers time , there was I remember such a breach amongst them , therefore my Counsell is , that after his example by the strength of your authoritie you conuent them before you .

COM.

Lingua go presently , command the Senses vpon their alleageance to our dread Soueraigne Queene Psyche , to dismisse their companies , and personally to appeare before me without any pretence of excuse .

LING.

I go my Lord .

PH.

But here you Madam , I pray you let your Pages tongue walke with vs a little , till you returne againe .

LING.

With all my heart .

Exit Lingua .

ACT. 2. SCENE . 6. PH. Hot youths I protest , saw you those warlike preparations ? MEN. Lately my Lords , I spide into the Armie , But oh , 't is farre beyond my reach of wit . Or strength of vtterance to describe their forces . COM. SEN. Go to , speake what thou canst . MEND. Vpon the right hand of a spatious Hill , Proud Visus marshalleth a puissant army , Three thousand Egles strong , whose valiant Captaine , Is Ioues swift Thunder-bearer , that same Bird , That hoist vp Ganimede from the Troyan plaines : The vant-gard strengthned with a wondrous flight . Of Falcons , Haggards , Hobbies , Terselets , Lanards and Goshaukes , Sparhaukes , and Rauenous Birds . The rereward graunted to Auditus charge . Is stoutly follow'd with an impetuous heard Of stif-neckt Buls , and many home-mad stagges , Of the best head the Forrest can afford . PH. I promise you a fearfull troupe of Souldiers . MEN. Right opposite stands , Tactus strongly mand , With three thousand brisled Vrchens for his Pikemen ; Foure hundreth Tortesses for Elephants . Besides a monstrous troupe of vglie spiders , Within an ambushment he hath commanded , Of their owne gutts to spinne a cordage fine , Whereof t' haue fram'd a net ( O wondrous worke ) That fastned by the Concaue of the Moone , Spreds downe it selfe toth'earths circumference . MEN. T is very strange , I can not remember the like Engine at any time . MEN. Nay more my Lord , the maskes are made so strong , That I my selfe vpon them scaled the heauens , And bouldly walkt about the middle region , Where in the prouince of the Meteors , I saw the clowdie shops of Haile and Raine , Garners of Snow , and Christals full of dew , Riuers of burning Arrowes , Dens of Dragons , Huge beames of flames , and Speares like fire-brands , Where I beheld hotte Mars and Mercurie , With Rackets made of Spheares , and Balls of Starres , Playing at Tennis for a Tunne of Nectar . And that vast gaping of the Firmament , Vnder the Southerne pole is nothing else , But the great hazzard of their Tennis Court , The Zodiack is the line . The shooting Starres , Which in an eye-bright euening seem'd to fall , Are nothing but the Balls they loose at Bandy , Thus hauing tooke my pleasure with those sights , By the same net I went vp , I discended . COM. SEN. Well Sirra to what purpose tends this Stratageme ? MEND. None know directly , but I thinke it is , T'intrappe the Eagles , when the Battailes ioyne . PH. Who makes Tactus his parte ? MEND. Vnder the standard of thrice hardy Tactus , Thrice valiant Gustus , leades his warlike forces , An-endles multitude of desperate Apes , Fiue hundred Marmose●ts and long-ta●●● Monkees : All trained to the field , and nimble Gunners . PH

Ima●gine there s old mouing amongst them : me thinks a handfull of nuttes would turne them all out of their Souldiers coates .

MEN. Ramparts of Pastie-crust and fortes of pies , Entrench'd with dishes full of Custard stuffe : Hath Gustus made ; and planted ordinance , Strange ordinance : Cannons of hollowe canes : Whose pouder's Rape-seed , charged with Turnip shot . MEM.

I Remember in the Country of Vtopia , they vse no other kind of Artillery .

COM. SEN. But what s become of Olfactus ? MEND. He pollitickly leanes to neither part , But stands betwixt the camps as at receite : Hauing great wine his Pioners to entrench them . PH.

In my foolish immagination Olfactus is very like the Goddesse of victory that neuer takes any part but the Conquerers .

MEND. And in the woods he placed secretly . Two hundred couple of hounds and hungry Mastiffs : And ore his head houer at his commaunde , A cloud of Vultures ▪ which or'e spred the light , Making a night before the day be done : But to what end not knowne but feard of all . PH.

I coniecture hee intends to see ●he●●ight and after the battaile to feede his Dogges , Hoggs and Vultures vpon the murdred carcases .

MEN.

My L. I thinke the furie of their Anger will not bee obedient to the Message of Lingua , for otherwise in my conceite the● should haue beene here er this : with your L. good liking wee 'le attend vpon you to see the field for more certainty . It shal be so ; Come Maister Register le ts walke .

Exeunt omnes . Finis . Act. secundi .

Act. 3. Scena . 1. ANAMNESTES . With a purse in his hand . ANA.

Forsooth Obliuio shut the dore vpon me I could come no sooner , ha ? is he not here ? O excellent . Would I were hangd but I lookt for a sound rappe on the pate and that made me before hand to lift vp this excuse for a Buckler , I know hee 's not at court , for here is his purse without which warrant there s no comming thither , wherefore now Anamnestes sport thy selfe a little , while thou art out of the prison of his company . What shall I do ? by my troth anatomize his purse in his absence . Plutus send there be Iewells in it , that I may finely geld it of the stones — The best sure lies in the bottome — poxt o●t here s nothing but a company of worme eaten papers ; what s this ? Memorandum that Maister Prodigo owes mee foure thousand pounds and that his lands are in pawne for it : Memorandum that I owe ; that hee owes ? t is well the olde slaue hath some care of his credit , to whom owes he trow I ? that I owe Anamnestes ? What me ? I neuer lent him any thinke ; ha this is good , ther s som-thing comming to me , more then I look'd for . Come on , what is t , Memorandum that I owe Anamnestes — a breeching ; I faith Sir I will ease you of that paiment ( He rendes the bill ) Memorandum that when I was a childe Robusto tript vp my heeles at foot-bale : what a Reuengfull dizard 's this ?

ACT. 3. SCEN. 2. MENDACIO . With Cushions vnder his armes , tripps vp Anamnestes heeles . MENDACIO . ANAMNESTES . ANA. How now ? MEND.

No-thing but lay you vpon the Cushion Sir , how so ?

ANA.

Nothing but lay the Cushion vpon you Sir ?

MEND.

What my little Nam ? by this foote I am sory I mistooke thee .

AN.

What my little Men ? by this hand it grieues me I tooke thee so right , But Sirra whither with these Cushions ?

MEN.

To lay them here that the Iudges may sit softly least my Ladie Lingua's cause go hard with her .

AN.

They should haue beene wrought with gold ; these will do nothing ; But what makes thy Ladie with the Iudges ?

MEN.

Pish , know'st not ? shee sueth for the title of a Sense , as well as the rest that beate the name of the Pentarchy .

AN.

Will Common sense and my Maister , leaue their affaires to detennine that Controuersie ?

MEN.

Then thou hearst nothing ,

AN.

What should I heare !

MEN.

All the senses fell out about a Crowne falne from heauen and pitcht a feild for it , but Vicegerent Common sense hearing of it tooke vpon him , to vmpire the contention , in which regard he hath appointed them ( their armes dismissed ) to appeare before him , charging euery on to bring as it were in a shew , their proper obiects , that by them he may determine of their seuerall excellencies .

AN.

When is all this ?

MEN.

As soone as they can possibly prouide .

AN.

But can he tell which diserues best by their obiects ?

MEN.

No not only ; for euery sense must discribe his Instrument , that is his house , where he performes his daylie duty , so that by the Obiect and the Instrument , my Lord can with great ease discerne their place and dignities .

AN.

His Lord-ships very wise .

MEN.

Thou shalt heare all anon , fine maister Phantastes , and thy master wil be here shortly . But how is t my little Rogue ? me thinkes thou look'st leane vpon 't ?

AN.

Alas how should I do otherwise that lie all night with such a Rawbo●d Skelton as Memory and runne all day on his Ertands ▪ The Chur●e's growne so old and forgetfull , that euery houre he 's calling Anamnestes , remembrance , where art Anamnestes ? Then presently some thing 's lost , poore I must run for it , and these words , runne Boy . Come Sirra quick , quick , quick , are as familiar with him as the Cough , neuer out on s mouth .

MEN.

Alack ▪ alack poore Rogue , I see my fortunes are better . My Ladie loues me exceedingly ; she 's alwaies kissing mee , so that ( I tell thee Nam ) Mendacios neuer from betwixt her lippes .

AN.

Nor out of Memories mouth ; but in a worse sort , alwaies excercising my stumps and which is more , when hee fauoures best then I am in the worst taking .

MEN.

How so .

AN.

Thus when wee are friends , then must I come and bee dandled vpon his palsie-quaking knees , and he 'le tell me a long story of his acquaintance with King Priamus and his familiarity with Nester and how he plaid at blowe-point with Iupiter when he was in his side-coates and how he went to looke Birds-nests with Athotis , and where hee was at Deucalions sloud & 20. such old wiues tales .

MEN.

I wonder he being so old can talke so much .

AN.

Nature thou know'st , ( knowing what an vnruly Engine the tongue is ) hath set teeth round about for watchmen , Now Sir , my Maister 's old age hath cought our all his teeth & that's the cause it runs so much at liberty

MEN.

Philosopicall ;

AN.

O but ther 's one-thing stings me to the very heart , to see an vglie foule idle , fat , dusty clog-head , called Obliuio preserred before , me dost know him ?

MEN.

Who I , I ; But care not for his acquaintance , hang himblockhead I could neuer abide him ? Thou Remembrance art the only friend that the armes of my friendship shall embrace . Thou hast heard Oportet mendacem esse memorem . But what of Obliuio .

AN.

The very naming of him hath made me forget my selfe . O , O , O , O , that Rascall is so made-of euery where .

MEN.

Who Obliuio ?

AN.

I , for our Courtiers hug him continually in their vngrate-ful bosomes , & your smoth-belly fat backe , barrel-pauncht , tū-gutted drones are euer without him , as for Memory he 's a false hearted fellow , he alwaies deceiues th●̄ , they respect not him , except it be to play a game at Chests , Primero , Saunt , Maw , or such like .

MEN.

I cannot thinke such fellowes haue to do with Obliuio since they neuer got any thing to forget .

AN.

Againe , there prodig all swagerers that are so much bound to their Creditors , if they haue but one Crosse about them , they 'le spend it in Wine vpon Obliuio .

MEN.

To what purpose I prethee ?

AN.

Onely in hope hee le wash them in the Lethe of their cares .

MEN.

Why then no man cares forthee .

ANA.

Yes a company of studious Paper-wormes and leane Schollers , and niggardly scraping Vsurers , & a troupe of heart-eating enuious persons , and those cancker-stomackt spitefull creatures , that furnish vp common place-bookes with other mens faults● ▪ The time hath beene in those golden dayes , when Saturne reigned , that if a man receiu'd a benefit of another , I was presently sent for to put him in minde of it , but now in these Iron after-noones , saue your friends life , and Obliuio Will be more familiar with him then you .

ACTVS . 3. SCENA . 3. HEVRESIS . MEND : ANAMNESTES . HEVR.

Phantastes not at Court ? is t possible 't is the strangest accident that euer was heard oft , I had thought the Ladies and Gallants would neuer lye without him .

AN.

Hist , hist , Mendaicio I prethee obserue Heuresis , it seemes he cannot finde his Maister , that 's able to finde out all things ; and art thou now at a fault , canst not finde out thine owne maister ? nor ? I le trie one more way . O yes .

MEN.

What a Proclamation for him ?

ANA.

I , I , his nimble head is alwayes full of proclamations ▪

HEV .

O yes .

MEN.

But doth he crie him in the wood ?

ANAM.

O good sir , and good reason , for euery beast hath Phantasie at his pleasure .

HEV .

O yes● if any man can tell any tidings , of a spruce , neate , apish , nimle , finbe , foolish , absurd , humerous , conceited , Phantastique Gallant , with hollow eyes , sharpe looke , swart complexion , meager face , wearing as many toyes in his apparrell , as fooleries in his lookes and gesture , let him come forth & certifie me thereof , and shall haue for his reward . —

ANAM.

I can tell you where he is , what shall he haue ?

HEVR.

A box o' the eare sura , ( snappe )

ANAM.

How now Inuention , are you so quick fingred ? ifaith , ther 's your principall sirra , ( snappe ) and here 's the interest ready in my hand ( snappe ) [ They fail together by the cares . ] Yea ? haue you found out scratching ? now I remember me .

HEVR.

Do you bite you Rascall ?

MERD .

Ha , ha , ha , ha , ha , here 's the liuely picture of this axiome , A quick Inuention and a good Memory can neuer agree . Fie fie , fie Heuresis , beate him when hee 's downe ?

ANAM.

Prethee le ts alone proud Iack-an-Apes , I le —

HEVR.

What will you do ?

ANAM.

Vntrusse thy points , and whip thee , thou paltry —

Let me go Mendacio if thou lou'st me , shall I put vp the —

MEN.

Come , come , come you shall fight no more in good faith : Heuresis , your Maister will catch you anon .

HEVR.

My Maister , where is he ?

MEN.

I le bring you to him , come away .

HEVR.

Anamnestes , I scorne that thou shouldst thinke I go away for feare of any thing thou canst do vnto me ; here 's my hand assoone as thou canst pick the least occasion , put vp thy finger I am for thee .

Exit Mendacio and Heuresis . AN.

When thou dar'st Heuresis , when thou dar'st , I le be as ready as thy selfe at any time .

This Heuresis , this Inuention , is the proudest Iack-a-napes , the peartest selfe conceited Boy that eue● breath'd , because forsooth some odde Poet , or some such Phantastique fellowes , make much on him , there 's no ho with him , the vile dandi-pra●te will ore-looke the proudest of his acquaintance : but well I remember me , I learnt a trick t'other day , to bring a Boy ore the thigh finely , if he come , ifaith I le tickle him with it .

Mendacio comes running back in great hast . MEN.

As I am a Rascall Nam , they are all comming , I see Maister Register trudging hether , as fast as his three feete will carry vp his foure Ages .

Exit Mendacio .

ACTVS . 3. SCENA . 4. MEMORIA . ANAMNESTES . MEM.

Ah you leaden heeld Rascall .

ANA.

Here 't is Sir , I haue it , I haue it ,

MEM.

Is this all the hast you make .

AN.

An 't like your worship your Clog-head Obliuio went before me , and foil'd the traile of your foote-steps , that I could hardly vndertake the quest of your purse forsooth .

MEM.

You might haue beene here long ere this : Come hither sirra , come hither , what must you go round about , goodly , goodly , you are so full of circumstances .

AN.

In truth Sir , I was here before , and missing you , went back into the Citty , sought you in euery Ale-house , Inne , Tauerne , Dicing-house , Tennis-court , Stewes , and such like places , likely to find your worship in .

MEM.

Havillaine , am I a man likely to be found in such places , ha ?

ANA.

No , no sir , sir but I was told by my Lady Lingua's page that your Worship was seeking me , therefore I inquired for you in those places where I knew you would aske for me , and it please your worship .

MEM.

I remember an other quarrell sirra , but well , well , I haue no leisure .

ACT. 3. SCENA . 5. COM. SENS. LINGVA . PHANTASTES . MEMORY . ANAMNESTES . COM. S.

Lingua , the Senses by our appointment anon are to present their obiects before vs ; seeing therefore they be not in readinesse , we license you in the meane while , either in your owne person , or by your Aduocate , to speake what you can for your selfe .

LIN.

My Lord if I should bring before your honour all my friends ready to importune you in my behalfe , I should haue so many Retoricians , Logitians , Lawyers and which is more , so many Women to attend mee , that this Groane would hardly conteine the Company , wherefore to auoide the tediousnesse I willay the whole cause vppon the tippe of mine owne tongue .

COM. SEN.

Be as briefe as the necessity of our short time requires .

LING.

My Lord , though the Imb●●ill tas of my feeble sexe , might ! drawe mee backe , from this Tribunall , with the habenis to wit Timorss and the Catenis Pudori● , notwithstanding beeing so fairely led on with the gratious 〈◊〉〈◊〉〈◊〉〈◊〉〈◊〉 of your iustissimae . 〈◊〉〈◊〉〈◊〉〈◊〉〈◊〉 Especially so aspremente spurd ' con gli sproni di necessita mia pungente , I will without the helpe of Orators , commit the totam salutem of my action to the Volutabilitati 〈◊〉〈◊〉〈◊〉〈◊〉〈◊〉 , which ( aucc vos●r● bonn● playscur ) I will finish with more then Laconic● breuitate .

CO. SE.

What s this ? here 's a Gallemaufry of speech indeed .

MEM.

I remember about the yeare 1602. many vsed this skew kind of language . Which in my opinion is not much vnlike the man Pla●●ny the Sonne of Lagus , King of Aegypt , brought for a spectacle halfe white halfe blacke .

COM. SEN.

I am perswaded these same language makers haue the very quality of colde in their wi● , that freezeth all Heterogeneall languages together , congealing English Tynne , Graecian Gold , Romaine Latine all in a l●mpe .

PHA.

Or rather in my imagination like your Fantasticall Gulls Apparell , wearing a Spanish Felt , a French Doblet , a Granado Stocking , a Dutch Slop , an Italian Cloake , with a Welch frise Ierkin .

COM. SEN.

Well , leaue your toying , we cannot pluck the least fether from the soft wing of time . Therfore Lingua go on but in a more formall manner , you know an ingenious Oration must neyther swell abou● the Bankes with insolent words , nor creepe too shallow in the ford , with vulger termes , but run equally , smooth , & cheerefull , through the cleane current of a pure stile .

Let.

My Lord , this one thing is sufficient to confirme my worth to be equall or better then the seases , whose best operations are nothing till I polish them with perfection ; for their knowledge is only of things present , quickly subluned with the deft file of time ; whereas the tongue is able to recount thinges past , and often pronounce things to come by this meanes re-edifying such Excellencies , as Time and Age doe easily depopulate .

COM. SEN.

But what profitable seruice , do you vndertake for our dread Queene Psyche ?

LING.

O how I am rauisht to thinke how infinitely she hath grace● mee with her most acceptable seruice . But aboue all ( which you Maister Register may well remember ) when her highnesse taking my m●uch for her instrument , with the Bowe of my tongue strooke so heauenly a touch vpon my teeth , that shee charmed the very Tigers a sleepe , the lystning Beares and Lions , to couch at her fee●● , while the Hills leaped , and the woodes daunced , to the sweete harmony of her most Angelicall accents .

MEM.

I remember it very well , Orpheus plaied vpon the Harpe , while she sange about some foure yeares after the Contention betwixt Apollo and P●● , and a little before the excoriation of Marsyas .

AN.

By the same token the Riuer Alpheus , at that time pursuing his beloued . 〈◊〉 , dischanel'd himselfe of his former course to bee partaker of their admirable consort , and the musicke beeing ended , thrust himselfe head-long into earth , the next way to followe his amarous Chase ; if you goe to A●cadi● you shall see his comming vp againe .

COM. SEN.

Forward Lingua with your reason .

LING.

How oft hath her Excellencie imployed mee as Imbassador in her most vrgent affaires to forreigne Kings and Emperours I may say to the Godds themselues . How many bloudlesse Battailes haue my perswasions attained , when the senses forces haue beene 〈◊〉 . Howe many Rebells haue I reclaymed when her sacred authority , was little regarded ( her Lawes without exprobation be it spoken ) had beene altogither vnpublished , her will vnperformed , her illustrious deedes vnrenoumed had not the siluer sound of my trumpet filled the whole circuit of the Vniuerse with her deserued fame . Her Citties would dissolue , traffique would decay friendshippes be broken , were not my speech the knot ▪ Mercury , and M●●tique , to binde , defende , and glewe them togither . What should I say more ; I can neuer speake inough of the vnspeakeable praise of speech , wherein I can find no other imperfection at all , but that the most exquisite power & excellency of speech cannot sufficiently expresse the exquisite power , and excellency of speaking .

COM. SEN.

Lingua your seruice and dignitie we confesse to be great , nertheles these reasons prooue you not to haue the nature of a sense .

LING.

By your L. ships fauor I can soone prooue that a sense is a facultie , by which our Queene sitting in her priuy Chamber hath intelligence of exterior occurrents . That I am of this nature , I proue thus . The obiect which I challenge is —

Enter Appetitus in hast . APP.

Stay , stay my Lo. defer I beseech , defer the Iudgement .

COM. SEN.

Who 's this that boldly interrupts vs this , hum .

APP.

My name is Appetitus , Common seruant to the Pentarchy of the senses , who vnderstanding that your Honour was handling this Action of Lin●uae● sent mee hether thus hastely , most humbly requesting the Bench to consider these A ticles they alleage against her before you proceede to iudgement .

COM. SEN.

Hum , here 's good stuffe , Maister Register reade them Appetitus you may depart and bid your Mistrisse make conuenient speede

APP.

At your Lordships pleasure .

Exit A 〈◊〉 . 3 MEM.

I Remember that I forgot my spectacles , I left them in the 349. page of Hills Chronicles , where hee tells a great wonder of a multitude of Mise which had almost destroyed the Country , but that there resorted a great mightie slight of Owles , that distroyed them , ●n●mn●stes●eade reade these : Articles distinctly .

1. Ar.

AN Inprimis wee accuse Lingua of high treason , and 〈◊〉 , against the most honorable Com●on-●e lth of letters , fo● vn●ler pretence of profiting the people with translations , shee hath most vilye prostituted the hard misteries of vnknowne Languages to the prophane eares of the vulga● .

PHAN.

This is as much as to make a new hell in the vpper world , for in Hell they say Alexander is no better then a Cobler , and nowe by these translations euery Cobler is as familiar with Alexander as he that wrote his life .

2 art.

ANAM. Item that she hath wrongfully imprisoned a Ladie called ●●cr●tas .

3. art.

Item that she 's a witch and excerciseth her tongue in exorcismes .

4. art.

Item that she 's a common whote and lets euery one lie with her .

art . Item that shee railes on men in Authority deprauing their Honours , with bitter Iests and tauntes and that she 's a Backbyter setting strife betwixt Bosome friends .

6 art.

Item that shee lends wiues weapons to fight against their husbands .

7. art.

Item that shee maintaines a traine of prating petty foggers , prouling Sumners , smooth tongu'd bawdes , artlesse Empericks , hungry Parasites , Newes-carriers , Ianglers , and such like idle Companions , that delude the Commanalty .

8. art.

Item that she made Rhetorique wanton , Logicke to bable , Astronomy to lie .

9. art.

Item that she is an incontinent Tel-tale .

10. art.

Item ( which is the last and worst ) that shee 's a Woman in euery respect and for these causes not to bee admitted to the dignitie of a Sense . That these Articles bee true wee pawne our honors , and subcribe our names .

1. risus . 4. Olfactus . 3. Gustus . 2. Auditus . 5. Tactus . COM. SEN.

Lingua these bee shrewde allegations , and as I thinke vn-answerable , I will deferre the iudgement of your cause till I haue finished the contention of the Senses .

LING

Your Lordships must be obeyed , but as for them most vngratefull , and perfidious wretches .

COM. S.

Good words become you better , you may depart if you will , till we send for you , Anamnestes runne , remember Visus , t is time he were ready .

ANAM.

I go . ( Exit ANAM : et redit ) he stayes here expecting your Lordships pleasure .

ACTVS . 3. SCENA . 6. A Page carying a Scutchion argent charged with an Eagle displayed proper , then . Visus with a Fanne of Peacocks fethers , next Lumen with a Crowne of Bayes , and a Shield with a bright Sunne in it , apparrelled in Ti●●uc , then a Page bearing a Shield before Coe'um , clad in Azure Taffata , dimpled with Starres , a Crowne of Starres on his head , and a Scarse resembling the Zodiack ouerthwart the Shoulders , next a page clad in greene with a terrestriall Globe before Terra , in a greene Fel●et gowne stucke with branches , and flowers , a Crowne of Turrets vpon her head , in her hand a Key , then a 〈◊〉 leading in his hand Colour clad in changeable silke , with a Rainbowe out of a Cloud on her head , last a Boy , Visus Marshalleth his shew about the Stage , and presents it before the 〈◊〉 . VISVS . LVMEN . COELVM . PHANTAS . COM. SENS. MEMORIE . VIS. Loe here the obiect that delights the sight , The goodliest obiects that mans heart can wish , For all things that the Orbe first moueable , Wrappes in the circuite of his large-stretcht armes , Are subiect to the power of 〈◊〉 eyes , That you may know what profit light doth bring , Note Lumcu● words that speakes next following . LVMEN . Ligh● the faire Grand-child to the glorious Sunne , Opening the casements of the Rosie morne , Makes the abashed heauens soone to shun , The vgly darknesse it embrac'd beforne , And at his first appearance puts to flight , The vtmost reliques of the Hell-borne night , This heau'nly sheild soone as it is displaide , D●smayes the vices that abhorre the light , To wanderers by Sea and Land giues aide , Conquers display , recomforteth astright , Rowseth dull Idlenesse , and starts soft sleepe . And all the world to daily labour keepes , This a true looking glasse impartiall , Where Beauties selfe , her selfe doth beautifie , With natiue hue , not artificiall , Discouering falsehood , opening veritie , The dayes bright eye colours distinction , Iust iudge of measure and proportion . The onely meanes by which each mortall eye , Sends messengers to the wide firmament , That to the longing soule brings presently High contemplation and deep wonderment . By which aspitement she her wings displaies , And her selfe thither whence she came vpraisd . PH. What blew thing 's that , that 's dappled so with Starres . VIS. He represents the heau'n . PH. In my conceit it were pritty , if hee thundred when hee speakes . VIS. Then none could vnderstand him . COEL. Tropick coloures the Equinoctiall , The Zodiack poles , and line Eclipticall , The Nadaz , Zenith , and Anomalie● , The Azimeth and Ephimerides , Starres , Orbes , and Plannets , with their motions , The Orientall Regradations , Excentricks , Epicyctes , and — and — and — PH. How now Visus is your heauen at a stay ? Or is it his Motus trepidationis that makes him stammer : I pray you Memory set him agree againe . MEM.

I remember when Iupiter made Amphitrio Cuckold , and lay with his wife Alcmena , Coelum was in this taking for three dayes space , and stood still iust like him at a non plus .

COM. SEN.

Leaue iesting , you le put the fresh Actor out of countenance .

COEL. Excentricks , Epicyctes , and Aspects , In Sextile , Trine , and Quadrate which effects Wonders on earth : also the Oblique part Of signes , that make the day both long and short , The Constellations , rising Cosmicall , Setting of Starres , Chronicke , and Heliacall , In the Orizon or Meridionall , And all the skill in deepe Astronomie , Is to the soule deriued by the eye . PHA.

Visus you haue made Coelum a heauenly speech , past earthly capacitie , it had beene as good for him hee had thundred . But I pray you who taught him speake and vse no action , me thinke it had beene excellent to haue turn'd round about in his speech .

Vis.

Hee hath so many motions hee knowes not which to begin withall .

PH.

Nay rather it seemes hee 's of Copernicus opinion , and that makes him stand still .

Terra comes to the midsts of the Stage , stands stil a while , saith nothing , and steps back . COM. SE. Let s heare what Terra can say — iust nothing . VIS.

And 't like your Lordship , t' were an indecorum Terra should speake .

MEM.

You are deceiued , for I remember when Phaeton rul'd the Sunne , I shall neuer forget him , he was a very pretty youth , the earth opened her mouth wide , and spoake a very good speech to Iupiter .

ANAM.

By the same token Nylus hid his head then , he could neuer finde it since .

PH.

You know Memory that was an extreame hotte day , & 't is likely Terra sweat much , and so tooke cold presently after , that euer since she hath lost her voyce .

HERAVLD .

A Chuton Ermines added to the field , is a sure signe the man that bore these Armes , was to his Prince as a defensiue shield , sauing him from the force of present Armes .

PH.

I know this fellow of old , 't is a Herauld , many a Centaure , Chimera , Barnacle , Crocadile , Hippotame , and such like toyes , hath he stolne out of the shop of my Inuention , to shape new coates for his vpstart Gentlemen . Either Affrica must breed more monsters , or you make fewer Gentlemen M. Herauld , for you haue spent all my deuises already , but since you are here , let me aske you a question , in your owne profession , how comes it to passe that the victorious Armes of England , quartred with the conquered Coate of France are not placed on the dexter side , but giue the flowre deluce the better hand ?

HER.

Because that the three Lyons are one coate made of two French Duke-domes , Normandy and Aquitaine : but I pray you Visus , what Iaye is that , that followes him ?

VIS.

'T is Color an obiect of mine , subiect to his commandment .

PHA.

Why speakes he not ?

VIS.

He is so bashfull , he dares not speake for blushing : What thing is that , tell mee without delay .

A BOY . That 's nothing of it selfe , yet euery way , As like a Man , as a thing , like may bee , And yet so vnlike , as cleane contrary , For in one point it euery way doth misse , The right side of it a mans left side is T is lighter then a Feather , and withall It filles no place , nor roome it is so small . COM. SEN.

How now Visus , haue you brought a boy with a riddle to pose vs all .

PHAN.

Pose vs all ? and I here ; that were a iest indeed : My Lord , if he haue a Sphinx , I haue an Oedipus assure your selfe , le ts heare it once againe .

BOY .

What thing is that Sir .

PHAN.

This such a knotty Enigma ? why my Lord , I think it 's a Woman , for first a Woman is nothing of her selfe , and againe shee is likest a man of any thing .

COM. SEN.

But wherein is she vnlike ?

PHA.

In euery thing , in pecuisnnes , in folly . —'st Boy .

HEV .

In Pride , Decei● , Prating , Lying , Cogging , Coynes , Spite , Hate Sir .

PHA.

And in many mo such vices : Now he may well say , the left side a mans right side is , for a crosse wife , is alwayes contrary to her husband , euer contradicting what hee wisheth for , like to the verse in Martiall , Velle tuum .

MEM.

Velle tuvm volo . Dindine nolle volo .

PHA.

Lighter then a feather , doth any man , make question of that ?

MEM.

They neede not , for I remember I saw a Cardinall weigh them once , & the Woman was found 3. graynes lighter .

COM. SEN.

T is strange , for I haue seene Gentlewomen weare feathers oftentimes , can they carrie heauier things then themselues ?

MEM.

O sir , I remember , t is their onely delight to do so .

COM. SEN.

But how apply you the last verse , it fills no place Sir ?

PHA.

By my faith , that spoyles all the former , for these fardingalles take vp all the roome now a dayes , t is not a woman questionlesse , shall I be put downe with a Riddle sirrah , Heuresis search the corners of your conceit , and find it me quickly .

HEV .

Hay 〈◊〉〈◊〉〈◊〉〈◊〉〈◊〉 . I haue it , t is a mans face in a looking Glasse .

PHAN.

My Lord , t is so indeede , Sirrha le ts see it , for do you see my right eye here ?

COM SEN.

What of your eye ?

PH.

O Lord , sir , this kind of frowne is excellent , especially when t is sweetned with such a pleasing smile .

COM SE.

Phantastes .

PHA.

O Sir my left eie is my right in the glasse , do you see ? by these lips my garters hang so neately , my Gloues & shooes become my hands and feete so well : Heuresis tie my shooes strings with a new knot ; — this point was scarse well trust , — so , t is excellent . — Looking-glasses were a passing inuention , I protest the fittest bookes for Ladies to study on —

MEM.

Take heede you fall not in loue with your selfe Phantastes , as I remember : Anamnestes who wa st that died of the looking disease ?

AN.

Forsooth Narcissus , by the same token he was turn'd to a Daffadill , & as he died for loue of himselfe , so if you remember there was an old ill-fauoured , precious nosed , babber-lipt , beetle-browed , Bleere-eyd , slouch-eard slaue that looking himselfe by chance in a Glasse , died for pure hate .

PH.

By the lip of my-I could liue and die with this face .

CO. SE.

Fie fie Phantastes , so effeminate for shame leaue off . Visus your obiects I must needs say are admirable if the house & instrument bee answerable , lett s here therefore in breife your description —

VIS. Vnder the fore-head of mount Cephalon , That ouer-peeres the coast of Microcosme , All in the shaddowe of two pleasant groues , Stand my two mansion houses , both as round As the cleare heauens , both twins as like each other ▪ As starre to starre , which by the vulger sort , For their resplendent composition , Are named the bright eyes of mount Cephalon : With foure faire roomes those lodgings are contriued . Foure goodly roomes in forme most sphericall , Closing each other like the heauenly orbes : The first whereof , of Natures substance wrought , As a strange moate the other to defende , Is trained moueable by Art diuine : Stirring the whole compacture of the rest , The second chamber is most curiously Composed of burnisht , and transparent horne . PHAN.

That 's a matter of nothing , I haue knowne many haue such bed-chambers .

MEM.

It may be so , for I remember being once in the townes Library , I read such a thing , in their greate booke of monuments called , Cornucopia , or rather their copia-Cornu ▪

VIS. The third 's a lesser roome of purest glasse , The fourth's smallest , but passeth all the former , In worth of matter built most sumptuously ; With walls transparent of pure Christaline . This the soules mirrour and the bodies guide , Loues Cabinet bright beacons of the Realme , Casements of light quiuer of Cupids shafts : Wherein I sit and immediatly receiue , The species of things corporeall , Keeping continuall watch and centinell ; Least forraine hurt inuade our Microcosme , And warning giue , ( if pleasant things approch ) To entertaine them , from this coastly roome : Leadeth my Lord an entrie to your house , Through which I hourely to your selfe conuay Matters of wisdome by experience bred : Arts first inuention , pleasant vision , Deepe contemplation , that attires the soule , In gorgeous roabes of flowering literature : Then if that Visus haue deserued best , Let his victorious browe , with Crowne be blest . COM. SEN. Anamnestes , see who 's to come next . ANA. Presently my Lord . PHAN.

Visus , I wonder that amongst all your obiects , you presented vs not with Platoes Idea , or the sight of Niniuie , Babtlon , London , or some Sturbridge faire-monsters , they would haue done passing well , those motions in my immagination are very delightfull .

VIS.

I was loath to trouble your honours with such toies ,

neither could I prouide them in so short a time .

COM. SEN.

We will consider your worth , meane while wee dismisse you .

Visus leades his showe about the stage , and so goeth out with it .

ACT. 3. SCEN. vltima . AVDITVS . &c. AVD.

Hearke , hearke , hearke , hearke , peace , peace , O peace : O sweete , admirable , Swanlike heauenly , hearke , O most melli●uous straine , O what a pleasant cloase was there , O full , most delicate .

COM. SEN.

How now Phantastes , is Auditus mad ?

PHAN.

Let him alone , his musicall head is alwaies full of od crotchets .

AVD.

Did you marke the dainty dryuing of the last pointe , an excellent maintayning of the songe , by the choise timpan of mine eare , I neuer heard a better , hist , st ▪ st , hearke , why there s a caden●eable to rauish the dullest Stoicke .

COM. SEN.

I know not , what to thinke on him .

AVD.

There how sweetly the plane-song was dissolued into descant , and how easily they came of with the last rest , hearke , hearke ▪ the bitter sweetest Achromaticke .

COM. SEN.

Audatus .

AVD.

Thankes good Apollo for this timely grace , neuer could'st thou in fitter : O more then most musicall narmony , O most admirable consort , haue you no eares ? doe you not heare this musicke ?

PHAN.

It may bee good , but in my opinion , they rest too long in the beginning .

AVD.

Are you then deafe ? do you not yet perceiue the wondrous sound the heauenly orbes do make with their continuall motion , hearke , hearke , O hony sweete .

COM. SEN.

What tune do they play ?

AVD.

Why such a tune as neuer was , nor euer shal be heard , marke now , now marke , now , now . PHAN. List , list ▪ list .

AVD.

Hearke O , sweete , sweete sweete .

PHAN.

List how my heart enuies my happy eares , hisht , by the gold strung harpe of Apollo , I heare the celestiall musicke of the spheares , as plainely as euer Pithagoras did , O most excellent diapason good , good , good , It plaies fortune my ●oe , as distinctly as may be .

COM. SEN.

As the foole thinketh , so the bell clinketh I protest I heare no more then a post .

PHAN.

What , the Laualta hay ? nay if the heauens fiddle , Phansy must needes dance .

COM. S.

Prethe sit stil , thou must dance nothing but the passing measures . Memory do you heare this harmony of the spheares ?

MEM.

Not now my Lord , but I remember about some 4000. yeares ago , when the Skie was first made , we heard very prefectly .

ANA.

By the same token the first tune the planets plaied , I remēeber Venus the treble ran sweet diusion vpon Saturne the base . The first tune they plaied was Sellengers round , in memory wherof euer since , it hath beene called the beginning of the world .

COM. SEN.

How comes it we cannot heare it now .

MEM.

Our eares are so well acquainted with the sounde , that we neuer marke it . As I remember the Egiptian Catadupes neuer heard the ropinge of the fall of Nilus , because the noise is so familiar vnto them .

COM. SEN.

Haue you no other obiects to iudge by , then these Auditus ?

AVD. This is the rarest and most exquisite , Most sphericall , diuine , angelicall , But since your duller eares cannot perceiue it : May it please your Lordship to with draw your selfe , Vnto this neigh-boring groue , there shall you see : How the sweete treble , of the chirping birds , And the soft stirring of the mooued leaues . Running delightfull descant to the sound , Of the base murmuring of the bubling brooke , Becomes a consort of good instruments . While twenty babling ecchoes round aboute , Out of the stony concaue of their mouth : Restore the vanish't musicke of each cloase , And fill your eares full with redoubled pleasure ▪ COM. SEN.

I will walke with you very willingly , for I growe weary of sitting . Come Maister Register , and Maister Phantastes ,

Exeunt omnes . Finis . ACT. 3.

Act. 4. SCENA . 1. MENDATIO . ANAMNESTES . HEVRESIS . MEN.

Prethee Nam , bee perswaded , is t nor better go to a feast then stay here for a fray ?

ANA.

A feast ? d●est thinke Auditus wil make the Iudges a feast ?

MEN.

Faith I , why should he carry them to his house els ?

ANA.

Why sirs a to heare a set or two of songs , slid his banquets are nothing but fish all soll , soll ? soll ? I le teach thee wit boy , neuer go mee to a musitions house for lunkets , vnlesse thy stomake lies in thine eares ; for there is nothing but commending this songs delicate aire , that motects dainty aire , this sonnets sweete aire , that madrialls melting aire , this dirgesse mournfull aire , this Church aire that Chamber aire , French aire , English aire , Italian aire , why Lad , they bee pure Chamaelions , they seede only vpon the aire .

MEN.

Chamaelions ? I le be sworne some of your Fidlers be rather Ca●●els , for by their good-wills they will neuer leaue eating .

ANA.

True , and good reason , for they do nothing all the day but stretch and grate their small guts ; but ô , yonder s the Ape Heuresis : let me go I prethee .

MEN.

Nay good-now stay a little , let 's see his humor .

HEV .

I see no reason to the contrary , for we see the quintessence of Wine will conuert Water into Wine ; why therefore should not the Elixar of gold turne lead into pure gold ?

MEN.

Ha , ha , ha , ha , he is turned Chimick sirra , it seemes so by his talke .

HEV .

But how shall I deuise to blow the fire of Beechecoales , with a continuall and equall blast ? ha ? I will haue my bellowes driuen with a wheele , which wheele shall bee a selfe mouer .

ANA.

Here 's old turning , these Chimicks seeking to turne Lead into Gold , turne away all their owne Siluer .

HEV .

And my wheele shall be Geometrically proportioned into 7. or 9. concaue incircled armes , wherein I will put equall poises , hai , hai , hai , 〈◊〉〈◊〉〈◊〉〈◊〉〈◊〉 , I haue it , I haue it , I haue it .

MEN.

Heuresis ?

HEV .

But what 's best to containe the Quick-siluer ? ha ?

ANA.

Do you remember your promise Heuresis ?

HEV .

It must not be Yron , for Quick-siluer is the tyrant of Mettles , and will soone fret it .

ANA.

Heuresis ? Heuresis ?

HEVR.

Nor Brasse , nor Copper , nor Mastlin , nor Minerall , 〈◊〉〈◊〉〈◊〉〈◊〉〈◊〉 , I haue it , I haue it , it must be .

ANA.

You haue indeed sirra , and thus much more then you looked for . ( snappe . )

Heuresis and Anamnestes about to fight , but Mendacio parts them . MEN.

You shall not fight , but if you will alwayes disagree , let vs haue words and no blowes ; Heuresis , what reason haue you to fall out with him ?

HEV .

Because he is alwaies abusing me , and takes the vpper hand of me euery where .

ANA.

And why not sirra ? I am thy better in any place .

HEV .

Haue I beene the Author of the seauen liberall Sciences , and consequently of all learning ? haue I beene the patron of all Mechanicall deuises , to be thy inferiour ? I tell thee Anamnestes thou hast not so , much as a point but thou art beholding to me for it .

ANA.

Good , good ▪ but what had your inuention beene , but for my remembrance : I can proue that thou belly-sprung inuention , art the most improfitable member in the world , for euersince thou wert borne thou hast beene a bloudy murtherer , and thus I proue it : In the quiet yeares of Saturne ( I remember Iupiter was then but in his swath-bands ) thou rentest the bowels of the earth , & broughts gold to light , whose beautie ( like Hellen ) set al the world by the eares , then vpon that thou foundest out Iron , and puttest weapons in their hands , and now in the last populous age , thou taugh'st a scab-shin frier , the hellish inuention of pouder and gunnes .

HEV .

Cal'st it hellish ? thou liest it is the admirable'st inuention of all others , for whereas others imitate nature , this excells nature her selfe .

MEM.

True for a Cannon will kill as many at one shot , as Thunder doth commonly at twenty .

ANA.

Therefore more murthering art thou then the light bolt .

HEV .

But to shewe the strength of my conceite , I haue found out a meanes to withstand the stroke of the most violent culuering : Mendatio thou sawest it when I demonstrated inuention .

ANA.

What some wool-packes ? or mudwalls ? or such like ?

HEV .

Mendatio I prethee tell it him for I loue not to bee a trumpeter of mine owne praises .

MENDAT ,

I must needs confesse , this deuise to passe all that euer I heard or saw , and thus it was , first hee takes a Faulcon , and charges it without all deceiptes , with dry powlder well canphred , then did hee put in a single bullet , and a great quantity of drop shot both round and lachrimall , this done he sets me a boy 60. paces off , iust pointe blanke ouer against the mouth of the peece , now in the very midst of the direct line hee fastens a post , vpon which he hangs me in a corde a Siderits , of Herculean stone .

ANA.

Well , well , I know it well , it was found out in Ida , in the yeare of the world — by one Magnes , whose name it retaines , though vulgarly they call it an Adamant .

MEN.

When hee had hangd this Adamant in a corde , he comes back , and giues fire to the tutch-hole , now the powder consumed to a voide vacuvm .

HEV .

Which is intollerable in Nature , for first shall the whole Machin of the world , heauen , earth , sea , and ayre , returne to the mishapen house of Chaos , then the least vacuvm be found in the vniuerse .

MEN.

The bullet and drop-shot most impetuously from the fierie throate of the Culuering , ( but ● strange ) no sooner came they neere the Adamant in the corde , but they were all arrested by the Sargent of Nature , and houered in the ayre round about it , till they had lost the force of their motion , clasping themselues close to the Stone in most louely manner , and not any one flew to endanger the marke , so much did they remember their duty to nature , that they forgot the errand they were sent of .

ANA.

This is a very artificiall lye .

MEN.

Nam beleeue it , for I saw it , and which is more , I haue practised this deuise often : once when I had a quarrell with one of my Lady Veritas naked knaues , and had pointed him the field , I conuaide into the heart of my Buckler an Adamant , and when we met , I drew , all the foynes of his Rapier , whether so euer hee intended them , or howsoeuer I guided mine arme , pointed still to the midst of my buckler , so that by this meanes , I haut the Knaue mortally , and my selfe came away vntoucht , to the wonder of all the beholders .

ANA.

Sirra you speake Metaphorically , because thy witte Mendacio alwayes drawes mens obiections to thy fore-thought excuses .

HEV .

Anamnestes 't is true , and I haue an addition to this , which is to make the bullet , shot from the enemy , to returne immediatly vpon the Gunner : but let all these passe , and say the worst thou canst against me .

ANA.

I say Gunnes were found out for the quick dispatch of mortallity , and when thou sawest men grow wise , and beget so faire a childe as Peace , of so foule and deformed a mother as Warre , least there should bee no murther , thou deuisest poyson .

MEN.

Nayfie Nam , vrge him not too farre .

ANA ,

And last and worst , thou foundest out cookery , that kills more then weapons , gunnes , warres or poysons , and would destroy all , but that thou inuentedst Phisicke , that helpes to make away some .

HEV .

But sirra , besides all this , I deuised Pillories for such forging villaines as thy selfe .

ANA.

Calst mee villaine ?

They fight , and are parted by Mendatio . MEN.

You shall not fight as long as I am here , giue ouer I say .

HEV .

Mendatio you offer mee great wrong to hold me , in good-faith I shall fall out with you .

MENDA .

Away , away , away , you are Inuention , are you not .

HEV .

Yes Sir , what then ?

MEN.

And you remembrance ?

ANA.

Well sir , well .

MEN.

Then I will be Iudicium , the moderator betwixt you , and make you both friends , come , come , shake hands , shake hands .

HEV .

Well , well , if you will needs haue it so ?

ANA.

I am in some sore content .

Mendatio walkes with them , holding them by the hands . MEN.

Why this is as it should be , when Mendatio hath Inuention on the one hand , and Remembrance on the other , as hee le be sure neuer to bee found with Truth in his mouth : so hee scornes to be taken in a lye , hai , hai , hai , my fine wagges whist ?

ANA.

Whist .

HEV .

Whist .

ACT. 4. SCEN. 2. Comunis , Sensus , Memory , Phantastes , Heuresis , Anamnestes take their places on the bench , as before , Auditus on the stage , a page before him bearing his target , the field sable , an heart or , next him Tragedus appareled in black veluet , faire buskins , a fauchion &c. then Comediu in a light colloured greene taffata robe , silke stockings , pumps , gloues . &c. COMMVNIS SENSVS , MEMORY , PHANTASTES , HEVRESIS , ANAMNESTES . &c. COM.

They had some reason that held the soule a harmony , for it is greatly delighted with musicque , howe fast wee weare tyed by the eares to the consort of voices powder ; but all is but a little pleasure , what profitable obiects hath he ?

PHA.

Your eares will teach you presently , for nowe hee is comming , that fellowe in the bayes mee thinkes I should haue known him ; o t is Comedus , t is so but he is become now a daies something humerous , and too too , Satyricall , vp and downe , like his great grand-father A ●istophanes .

AN. These two my Lord Comaedus and Tragedus , My fellowes both , both , twins , but so vnlike , As birth to death , wedding to funerall : For this that rears him selfe in buskins quainte , Is pleasant at the first , proud in the midst : Stately in all , and bitter death at end . That in the pumpes doth frowne at first acquaintance ▪ Troble the midst , but in the end concludes , Cloasing vp all with a sweete catastrophe ? This graue and sad disdaine with btinish teares , That light and quick with wrinckled laughter painted ; This deales with Nobles , Kings , and Emperours : Full of great feares , great Hopes , great enterprises , This other trades with men of meane condition : His proiects small , small Hopes and dangers little , This gorgeous broidered with rich sentences : That faire and pursled round with merriments ▪ Both vice detect , and vertue beautifie : By being deaths mirrour , and lifes looking glasse . COM.

Salutem iam primum a principio propitiam . Mihi atque Vobis spectatores nuntio .

PHA.

Pish , pish this is a speech with no action , le ts here TERENCE , quid igitur faciam . &c.

COM.

Quid igitur faciam ? non eam ne nunc quidem cum accusorvliro ?

PHA.

Phy , phy , phy , no more action , lend me your baies , doe it thus . Quid igitur . &c. ( he acts it after the old kinde of Pantomimick action . )

COM. SEN.

I shold iudge this action Phantastes most absurd , vnles we should come to a Commedy , as gentlewomen to the comencement , only to see men speake .

PHA.

In my imagination it 's excellent , for in this kinde the hand ( you knowe ) is ha●bingerto the tongue and prouides the words a lodging in the eares of the Auditors .

COM. SEN.

Auditus it is nowe time you make vs acquainted with the quallity of the house you keepe in , for our better healpe in iudgement .

AVD. Vpon the sides of faire mount Cephalor , Haue I two houses passing humaine skill : Of finest matter by dame nature wrought , Whose learned fingers haue adorn'd the same With gorgeous porches of so strange a forme , That they command the passingers to stay : The dores whereof in hospitallity , Nor day , nor night , are shut , but open wide , Gently inuite all commers ; wherevpon , They are named the open eares of Cephalon . But least some boulder sound should boldy rush , And breake the nise composture of the worke , The skilfull builder wisely hath inrangd , An eatry from each port with curious twines , And crookt Meanders , like the laborinth , That Dedalus fram'd to inclose the Minotaure ; At end whereof is placed a costly portall : Resembling much the figure of a drumme , Granting slow entrance to a priuate closet : Where daily with a mallet in my hand , I set and frame all words and sounds that come , Vpon an Anuile and so make them fit : For the pere : vinckling poore ; that winding leades , From my close chamber to your Lordships cell . Thither do I chiefe Iustice of all accents , Psyches next porter , Microcosmes front : Learnings ritch treasure , bring discipline , Reasons discourse , knowledge of foraigne states , Lowd fame of great Heroes vertuous deeds : The marrowe of graue speeches and the flowers : Of quickest Wits , neat Iests , and pure Conceits , And often times to ease the heauy burthen , Of gouernment , your Lordships shoulder beare , I thither do conduce the pleasing Nuptialls : Of sweetest iustruments with heauenly noise . If then Auditus , haue deseru'd the best : Let him be dignified before the rest . COM. SEN.

Auditus I am almost a Skepticke in this matter , scarce knowing which way the ballance of the cause will decline , when I haue heard the rest , I will dispatch iudgement , meane while you may depart .

Auditus leads his showe about the stage , and then goes out .

ACTVS . 4. SCENA . 3. COMMVNIS SENSVS , Memoria , Phantastes , Anamnestes , Heuresis as before , Olfactus in a garland of seuerall flowers , a page before him , bearing his target , his field vert , a round argent , two Boyes with casting bottells , and two with censors with incense , another with a veluet cushion stuck with slowers , an other with a basket of hearbes , an other with a box of Oyntment , Olfactus leads them about , and making obeysance presents them before the bench . I. BOY .

Your onely way to make a good pomander , is this , take an ownce of the purest garden mould , clensed and steeped seauen daies in change of motherlesse rose water , then take the best Labdanum , Benioine , both Storaxes , amber greece , and Ciuet , and muske , incorporate them together , and work them into what forme you please , this if your breath bee not to valiant , will make you smell as sweete as my Ladies dogge .

PHA.

This Boy it should seeme represents Odor , hee is so perfect a persumer .

ODOR. I do my Lord , and haue at my command , The smell of flowers , and Odoriferous drugs , Of oyntments sweete , and excellent perfumes , And Court-like waters , which if once you smell , You in your heart would wish as I suppose : That all your Body were transsformed to Nose . PHA.

Olfactus of all the Senses , your obiects haue the worst luck , they are alwaies iarring with their contraries , for none can weare Ciuet , but they are suspected of a proper badde sent , where the prouerbe springs , hee smelleth best , that doth of nothing smell .

ACT. 4. SCENA 4. The bench and Olfactus as before , Tobacco apparelled in a taffata mantle , his armes browne and naked , buskins made of the pilling of Osiers , his necke bare , hung with Indian leanes , his face browne painted with blewe stripes , in his nose swines teeth , on his head a painted wicker crowne , with Tobacco pipes set in it , plumes of Tobacco leaues , lead by two Indian boyes naked , with tapers in their hands , Tobacco boxes and pipes lighted . PHA.

Foh , foh , what a smell is heare ? is this one of your delightfull obiects ?

OLF.

It is your onely sent in request Sir .

COM. SEN.

What fiery fellowe is that , which smoakes so much in the mouth ?

OLF.

It is the great and puissant God of Tobacco .

TOB.

L●doch guevarroh pufuer shelvaro baggon , Oisia di quanon , Indi cortilo vraggon .

PHA.

Ha , ha , ha , ha , this in my opinion is the tongue of the Antipodes .

MEM , No I remember it very well , it was the language the Arcadians spake , that siued long before the Moone . COM. SEN. What signifies it Olfactus ? OLF.

This is the mighty Emperour Tobacco , King of Trinidado , that in being conquered , conquered all Europe , in making them pay tribute for their smoake .

TOB. Erfronge inglues conde hisingo , Deuelin sloscoth ma pu cocthinge . OLF.

Expeller of Catarhes , banisher of all agues , your guts onely salue for the greene wounds of a non plus .

TOB.

Alvulcam vercu , I parda poraside gratam , kafamala mara , che Bau●o respartera , quirara ?

OLF.

Sonne to the God Vulcan , and Tellus , kinne to the father of Myrth , called Bacchiu ?

TOB. Viscardonok , pillostuphe , pascano ●inaromagas , Pagidagon stollisinfe , carociba●o scribas . OLF.

Genius of all Swaggerers , profest enemy to Physitions , sweete ointment for sowre teeth , firme knot of good fellowship , Adamant of Company , switt winde , to spred the wings of Time , hated of none , but those that know him not , and of so great deserts , that who so is acquainted with him , can hardly forsake him .

PHA.

It seemes these last words were very significant , I promise you a God of great denomination , he may be my Lord Tappes for his large Titles .

COM. SEN.

But forward Olfactus , as they haue done before you , with your discription ?

OLF. lust in the mid'st of Cephalons round face As 't were a fron●is-spice vnto the hill , Olfactus lodging built in figure long , Doubly dis-parted with two precious vaults , The rootes whereof most richly are inclos'd , With Orient Pearles , and sparkling Diamonds : Beset at the end with Emerauds and Turchois , And Rubies red , and flaming Crisolits , At vpper end whereof in costly manner , I lay my head betweene two spungeous pillowes , Like faire Adonis twixt the paps of Venus , Where I conducting in and out the wind , Daily examine all the ayre inspir'd . By my pure searching , if it be pure , And sit to serue the lungs with liuely breath : Hence do I likewise minister perfume Vnto the neighbour brayne , perfumes of force To clense your head , and make your fantasie To refine wit , and sharpe inuention And strengthen memory , from whence it came , That old deuotion , incence did ordaine To make mans spirits more apt for things diuine , Besides a thousand more commodities , In leiw whereof your Lordships I request , Giue me the crowne if I deserue it best . Olfactus leades his company about the Stage , and goes out .

ACTVS . 4. SCENA . 5. The Bench as before : a Page with a shield argent , an Ape proper with an apple , then Gustus with a cor●●-copia in his hand , Bacchus in a Garland of leaues and Grapes , a white sute , and ouer it a thin sarsenet to his foote , in his hand a speare wreathed with vine leaues , on his arme a Target with a Tiger , Ceres with a Crowne of eares of corne , in a yellow silke robe , a bunch of poppy in her hand , a schutcheon charged with a Dragon . COM. SEN.

In good time Gustus , haue you brought your obiects ?

GVST.

My seruant Appetitus followeth with them .

AP.

Come come Bacchus , you are so fat ; enter enter .

PH.

Fie , fie Gustus this is a great indecorum to bring Bacchus alone , you should haue made Thirst led him by the hand .

GVS .

Right Sir , but Men now a dayes drinke often when they be not drye , besides I could not get red hearings and dried neates tongues enough to apparell him in .

COM. SEN.

What neuer a speech of him .

GVS .

I put an Octaue of lambicks in his mouth , and hee hath drunke it downe .

AP.

Well done , Muscadine and Eggs stand hot ; what butter'd Claret ? go thy way thou had'st best , for blind man that cannot see how wickedly thou look'st ● how now , what small thin fellow , are you here ? ha ?

BOY .

Beere forsooth , beere forsooth .

AP.

Beere forsooth ? get you gone to the buttery , till I call for you , you are none of Bacchus attendants , I am sure , he cannot indare the smell of Mault . Whereas Ceres ? ô well , well , is the March-pane broken ? ill luck , ill luck , come hang 't , neuer stand to set it together againe ; serue out fruite there ; ( Enter Boyes with a Ba●ket , M●rmolet , sweet &c. deliuer it round among the Gentlewomen , and goe out ) what doe you come with rostemeat after Aples , away with it . Disgestion serue out cheese ; what , but a penny-worth , it is iust the measure of his nose that sold it ? lambs wooll ; the meekest meate in the world , t' will let any man fleece it . Snap-dragon there .

MEM.

O I remember this dish well , it was first inuented by Pluto to intertaine Proserpina with all .

PHA.

I thinke not so Memory , for when Hercules had kild the flaming Dragon of Hesperdia , with the Apples of that Orchard , he made this siery meate , in memory whereof hee named it Snap-dragon .

COM. SEN. Gustus , le ts here your description ? GVS . Neare to the lowly base of Cehalon , My house is plac'd , not much vnlike a Caue . Yet archt aboue by wondrous workemanship With hewen stones wroght smoother and more fine Then Ieat or Marble fayre from Island brought . Ouer the dore directly doth incline A fayre Percullis of compacture strong , To shut out all that may anoy the state , Or health of Microcosme ; and within Is spred along board like a plyant tongue , At which I howerly sit , and tryall take , Of meats and drinkes needefull and delectable : Twise euery day do I prouision make For the sumptious kitchin of the common wealth , which once well boyl'd , is soone distributed , To all the members , well refreshing them With good supplie of strength-renewing foode , Should I neglect this musing dilligence The body of the Realme would ruinate : Your selfe my Lord with all your policies And wondi●ous wit , could not preserue your selfe , Nor you Phantastes , not you Memorie ; Psyche her selfe , were 't not that I repayre Her crazie house with props of nourishment , Would soone forsake vs : for whose dearest sake Many a grieuous paine haue I sustain'd , By bitter pills , and sowre purgations , Which if I had not valiantly abidden , She had beene long ere this departed , Since the whole Microcosme I maintaine , Let mee as Prince , aboue the Senses raigne . COM. SEN.

The reasons you vrge Gustus breed a new doubt whether it be better to be commodious or necessary , the resolution whereof I refer to your iudgement , licensing you meane while to depart . ( Gustus leads his shew about the stage , & goes out )

ACTVS 4. SCENA . 6. The bench as before ; TACTVS , a Page before him bearing his Scutcheon , a Tortesse sables . TAC. Ready anon forsooth ? the Diuell she will , Who would be toyl'd with wenches in a shew . COM. S. What in such anger Tactus ? what s the matter ? TAC. My Lord I had thought as other Senses did , By sight of obiects to haue prou'd my worth ; Wherefore considering that of all the things , That please me most , women are counted cheefe . I had thought to haue represented in my shew , The Queene of pleasure , Venus and her Sonne , Leading a Gentleman enamored , With his sweete touching of his Mistrisse lippes , And gentle griping of her tender hands , And diuers pleasant relishes of touch , Yet all contained in the bounds of chastity . PHA. 〈◊〉 , of all I long to see your obiects , How comes it we haue lost those pretty sports . TAC.

Thus 't is , giue houres agoe I set a douzen maides to attire a boy like a nize Gentlewoman : but there is such doing with their looking-glasses , pinning , vnpinning , setting , vnseting , formings and conformings painting blew vaines , and cheekes , such st●rre with Stickes and Combes , Cascanets , Dressings , Purles , Falles , Squares , Buskes , Bodies , Scarffes , Neck laces , Carcanets , Rebatoes , Borders , Tires , Fannes , Palizadoes , Puffes , Ruffes , Cuffes , Muffes , Pussles , Fussles , Partsets , Frislets , Bandlets , Fillets , Croslets , Pendulets , Amulets , Annulets , Bracelets , and so many lets , that ye : shee is scarse drest to the girdle : and now there 's such calling for Fardingales , Kirtlets , Busk-points , shoo-tyes &c. that seauen Pedlers shops , nay all Sturbridge Faire will scarse furnish her : a Ship is sooner rigd by farre , then a Gentlewoman made ready .

PHA. T is strange , that women being so mutable , Will neuer change in changing their apparell ? COM. SEN. Well let them passe ; Tactus we are content , to know your dignity by relation . TAC. The instrument of instruments , the hand , Courtesies index , Chamberlane to Nature , The bodies Souldier , and mouthes Caterer , Psyches great Secretarie , the dumbes eloquence , The blindmans Candle , and his forheads Buckler , The minister of wrath , and friendships signe , This is my instrument : neuerthelesse my power Extends it selfe , farre as our Queene commands , Through all the parts and climes of Microcosme . I am the roote of life , spreading my vertue By sinewes that extend from head to foote , To euery liuing part . For as a suttle Spider closely sitting , In center of her web that spreddeth round : If the least Flie but touch the smallest thred , Shee feeles it instantly ; so doth my selfe , Casting my slender nerue and sundry netts , Ouer euery particle of all the body , By proper I kill perceaue the difference , Of seuerall quallities , hot , cold , moist and drie ; Hard , soft , rough , smooth , clammy and slippery . Sweete pleasure , and sharp paine profitable , That makes vs wounded seeke for remedy : By these meanes do I teach the Body flie , From such bad things as may indanger it : A wall of brasle can be no more defence , Vnto a towne then I to Microcosme ? Tell me what sence is not beholding to mee , The nose is hot or cold , the cies do weepe : The eares do feele , the tast 's a kinde of touching , That when I please , I can command them all , And make them tremble when I threaten them : I am the eldest , and biggest of all the rest , The chiesest note , and first destinction , Betwixt a liuing tree and liuing beast ; For though one heare , and see : and smell : and tast If he wants touch , he is counted but a block ? Therefore my Lord grant me the royalty : Of whome there is such great necessity . COM. SEN. Tactus stand aside ; you sirra Anamnestes tell the Senses we expect their appearance ANA. At your Lordships pleasure● Exit Anamnestes .

ACT. 4. SCEN. 7. COM. SEN. PHA. MEM. HEV . ANA Voun the bench consulting among themselues : VIS. TACT . GVST. and OLF. euery one with his shield vpon his arme ? LINGVA and MENDATIO with them . COM. SEN.

Though you deserue no small punishment for these vp-rores , yet at the request of these my asistants I remit it , & by the power of Iudgement our gratious soueraigne Psuche hath geuen mee . Thus I determine of your controuersies : hum ? By your former obiects , instruments and reasons , I conceaue the state of 〈◊〉 to bee deuided into two parts , one of commodity , the other of necessity , both which are either for our Queene or for our country , but as the Soule is more excellent then the Body , so are the Senses that proffit the Soule to be estimated before those that are needefull for the Body ; visus and Auditus serue your selues , Maister Register giue me the crowne ; because it is better to be well , then simply to be , therfore I iudge the crowne by right to belong to your of the Commodities part & the robe to you of the Necessities side ; and since you Visus are the author of inuention , & you Auditus of increase and addition to the same , seeing it is more excellent to inuent , then to augment , I establish you Visus the better of the two , and cheife of all the rest , in token whereof , I bestowe vpon you this crowne to weare at your liberty .

VIS.

I most humbly thanke your Lordships .

COM. SEN.

But least I should seeme to neglect you Auditus , I heare chuse you to bee the Lords intelligencer to Psuche● her Maiesty , and you Olfactus , we bestow vpon you the chiefe Preisthood of Microcosin● , perpetually to offer incense in her maiesties temple . As for you Tactus vpon your reasons aleaged , I bestowe vpon you the roabs .

TACT.

I accept it most gratefully at your iust hands , and will weare it in the deare remembrance of your good Lordship .

COM. SEN.

And lastly , Gustus we elect you Psuche her onely taster , and great purueior for all her dominions , both by sea and land , in her realme of Microcosme .

GVS .

We thanke your Lordship , and rest well content with equall arbitrement .

COM. SEN.

Now for you Lingua .

LIN.

I beseech your honour let me speake , I will neither troble the company nor offend your patience .

COM. SEN.

I cannot stay so long ; wee haue consulted about you , and finde your cause to stand vpon these tearmes , and conditions . The number of the Senses in this little world , is answerable to the first bodies in the great world : now since there bee but fiue in the Vniuerse , the foure elements and the pure substance of the heauens , therefore there can bee but fiue senses in our Microcosme , correspondent to those , as the sight to the heauens , hearing to the aire , touching to the earth , smelling to the ●●●e , tasting to the water , by which ●●●e meanes onely the vnderstanding is able to apprehend the knowledge of all Corporeall substances ? wherefore wee iudge you to bee no Sense simply , onely thus much we from hence forth pronounce , that all women for your sake shall haue six 〈◊〉 , that is seeing , heating , tasting , smelling , touching , and the last and feminine sense , the sense of speaking .

GVS .

I beseech your Lordships and your asistants , ( the onely cause of our friendship , ) to grace my table with your most welcome presence this night at supper .

COM. SEN.

I am sorry I cannot stay with you , you know we may by no meanes omit our daiely attendance at the Court , therefore I praie you pardon vs .

GVS .

I hope I shall not haue the deniall at your hands my Maisters , and you my Ladie Lingua , come let vs drowne all our anger in a bowle of hippocras .

Exeunt 〈◊〉 omnes exteriores . COM. SEN.

Come Maister Register shall we walke ?

MEM.

I pray you stay a little ? let mee see ? ha , ha , ha , ha ha ,

PHA.

How now Memory so merry ? what doe you trouble your selfe with two palsies at once ? shaking , and laughing .

MEM.

T is a strange thing that men will so confidently oppose themselues against Platoes great yeare .

PHA.

Why not .

MEM.

T is as true an opinion as neede be ; for I remember it verie readily now , that this time 49000. yeares agoe all wee weare in this verie place and your Lordship iudged the verie same controuersie , after the verie same manner , in all respects , and cercumstances alike .

COM.

T is wondrous strange .

ANA.

By the same token you held your Staffe in your right hand , iust as you do now , and Mr. Phantastes stood wondring at you , gaping as wide as you see him .

PH.

I but I did not giue you a boxe on the eare sirrah 49000. yeares ago , did I ? ( snappe )

ANA.

I do not remember that Sir .

PHA.

This time Platoes twesue month to come , looke you saue your cheekes better .

COM. SEN.

But what intertainment had we at Court for our long staying ?

MEM.

Let s go , I le tell you as we walke .

PHA.

If I doe not seeme pranker nowe , then I did in those dayes , I le be hang'd ?

Exeunt omnes interiores Sensus , manet Lingua .

ACTVS 4. SCENA . 8. LINGVA . MENDATIO . LING. Why this is good by common Senses meanes , Lingua thou hast framed a perfect comoedy They are all good friends , whom thou mad'st enemies , And I am halfe a Sense : a sweete peece of seruice , I promise you a fayre step to preferment . Was this the care and labour thou hast taken , To bring thy foes together to a banket , To loose thy Crowne , and be deluded thus , Well now I see my cause is desperate , The iudgements past , sentence irreuocable , Therefore I le be content and clap my hands , And giue a Plaudite to their proceedings : What shall I leaue my hate begun imperfect ? So fowly vanquisht by the spitefull Senses ? Shall I the Embassadresse of Gods and Men That puld proud Phoebe from her brightsome spheare And darkt Apollo's countenance with a word Raysing at pleasure stormes , and winds , and earth-quakes Be ouercrowed ? and breath without reuenge ? Yet they forsooth base slaues must be preferred , And deck themselues with my right ornaments : Doth the all-knowing 〈◊〉 see this shame Without redresse ? will not Heauens helpe me ? Then shall Hell do it , my enchanting tongue Can mount the skies , and in a moment fall , From the Pole Artick to darke Acheton . I le make them know mine anger is not spent , Lingua hath power to hurt , and will to do it . Mendacio , come hether quickly sirra . MEN. Madame . LING. Harke hether in thine eare . MEN. Why do you whish thus ? here 's none to heare you . LING.

I dare not trust these secrets to the Earth , are since she brought forth Reedes , whose babling noise tolde all the world of Midas Asses eares , ( She whispers him in the eare ) Doost vnderstand me ?

MEN.

I , I , I — neuer feare that — there 's a iest indeed — pish , pish , — Madam — doe you thinke mee so foolish ? — tut , tut , doubt not .

LIN.

Tell her if she doe not .

MEN.

Why do you make any question of it — what a stirre is here — I warrant you — presently ?

Exit Mendats● ? LING. Well , I le to supper , and so closely couer , The rustie cancker of mine Yron spight , With golden foile of goodly semblances , But if I do not trounce them — Exit Lingua . Finis Act. 4.

Actus . 5. Scena 1. MENDATIO with a bottle in his hand . MEN

My Lady 〈◊〉 is iust like one of these ●eane-witted Comedians , who disturbing all to the fist Act , 〈◊〉 cowne some Mercurie or 〈◊〉 in an Engine to make 〈…〉 . So shee , but in a contrary manner , seeing her 〈◊〉 plots dispur●osed , sends me to an old Witch called 〈…〉 to wreake 〈◊〉 spight vpon the Senses : the olde hag after manie an incricled circumstance , and often naminge of the direfull Hecate , and Demogorgon , giues mee this bottle of wine mingled with such hellish drugges and forcible words , that whosoeuer drinkes of it shall bee presentile possest with an inraged and mad kinde of anger .

ACT. 5. SCENA . 2. MENDACIO , CRAPVLA , APPETITVS crying . MEND.

What 's this Crapula beating Appetitus out of dores ? ha !

CRAP.

You filthie long Crane , you meager slaue , will you kil our guests with blowing continuall hunger in them ? ( tiffe , toffe , tiffe , toffe ) the Senses haue ouercharged their stomackes already , and you Sirra serue them vp a fresh appetite with euerie newe dish , they had burst their gutts if thou hadd'st staied but a thought longer ? ( tiffe , toffe , tiffe , toffe , ) bee gon or i le set thee away , begon ye gnawe-bone , raw-bone , rascal .

MEND.

Then my deuise is cleane spoiled . Appctitus should haue beene as the bowle to present this medecine to the Senses , and now Crapula hath beaten him out of dores ? what shall I doe ?

CRAP.

Away Sirra , ( tiff toff , tiff . &c.

APP.

Well Crapula , well , I haue deserued better at your hands then so , I was the man you knowe first brought you into Gustus his seruice , I lin'd your gutts there , and you vse me thus ? but grease a fat sowe . &c.

CRAP.

Do'st thou talke ( tiff , toff ) hence , hence tiff , tiff , hence auaunt curre , auaunt you dogge !

Exit Crapula . APP.

The belching gor-bellie hath wellnigh kill'd me ; I am shut out of dores finely , well this is my comfort , I may walke now in libertie at my owne pleasure .

MEND.

Appetitus , Appetitus●

APP.

Ah Mendacio , Mendacio ,

MEND.

Why how now man , how now ? how is t ( canst not speake .

APP.

Faith I am like a bag-pipe , that neuer sound 's but when the bellie is full .

MEND.

Thou emptie , and com'st from a feast .

APP.

From a sray I tell thee Mendacio . I am now iust like the Ewe that gaue sucke to a wolfes whelpe . I haue must vp my fellowe Crapula so longe , that hee 's growne strong enough to beate me .

MEND.

And whither wilt thou go , now thou at banish't out of seruice ?

APP.

Faith I le trauell to some College or other in an Vniuersitie .

MEND.

Why so ?

APP.

Because Appetit●●●● is well beloued among'st Schollers , for there I can dine and suppe with them & rise againe as good friends as we sate downe , I le thither questionles .

MEND.

Hear'st thou ? giue me thy hand ; by this hand I loue thee ; go too then , thou shalt not forsake thy maisters thus , I say thou shalt not .

APP.

Alas I am verie loth ; but how should I helpe it ?

MEND.

Why take this bottle of wine , come on , go thy waies to them againe .

APP.

Ha , ha , ha , what good will this doe ?

MEND.

This is the N●p●nth● that reconciles the God's : do● but let the Senses tast of it , and seare not , these loue thee as well as euer they did .

APP.

I pray thee where had'st it ?

MEND.

My Ladie gaue it me to bring her : 〈◊〉 stale it from H●●● for her : thou knowest there were som iarres betwixt her and thy maisters , & with this drinke she would gladlie wash out all the reliques of their disagreement : Nowe because I lowe thee , thou shalt haue the grace of presenting it to them and so come in fauour againe .

APP.

It smelles well I would saine begin to them ;

MEND.

Nay staie no longer least they heue supp't before thou come .

APP.

Mendacio , howe shall I requite thy infinite 〈◊〉 .

MEN.

Nay praie thee leaue , go catch occasion by the foretop , but hearst thou ? as soone as it is presented , round my Lady Lingua in the eare , and tell her of it .

APP.

I will , I will , I will , Adue , adue , adue ,

Exit Appeti .

ACTVS . 5. SCENA . 3. MENDACIO solus . MEN. Why this is better then I could haue wisht it , Fortune I thinke is falne in loue with me , Answering so right mine expectation . By this time Appetite is at the Table . And with a lowly Cringe presents the Wine , To his olde Maister Gustus , now he takes it , Aud drinkes perchance to Lingua , she craftily Kisles the Cup , but le ts not downe a drop , And giues it to the rest ; 't is sweet , thei le swallow it , But when 't is once descended to the stomack , And sends vp noisome vapours to the braine , T will make them swagger gallantly , the●●e rage Most strangely , or 〈◊〉 Art deceiues her , When if my Lady stirre her nimble tongue , And closely sowe contentious words amongst them , O what a stabbing there will be ? what bleeding ?

ACTVS . 5. SCENA . 4. LINGVA . MENDACIO . LING What art thou there Mendacio ? prettie rascall , Come let me kisse thee for thy good deserts . MEN. Madame do'st take ? haue they all tasted it ? LING. All , all , and all are well nigh mad already : Oh how they stare , and sweare , and fume , and brawle , Wrath giues them weapons ; Pots and Candle-sticks , Ioin'd stooles and Trenchers flie about the roome , Like to the bloudie banquet of the C●utaure● , But all the sport is to see what seuerall thoughts The potions works in their Imaginations . For Visus thinkes himselfe ; a ha , ha , ha , ha , ha .

ACTVS 5. SCENA . 5. APPETITVS , MENDATIO , LINGVA . AP.

So-hoe Mendatio ! so-hoe , so-hoe !

MEN.

Madame I doubt they come , yonder is Appetitus , you had best begon , least in their outrage they should iniure you . ( Exit Lingua ) How now Hunger ? how do'st thou my fine may-pole , ha ?

AP.

I may well be calld a may-pole : for the Senses do nothing but dance a morice about mee .

MEN.

Why ? what ayles them ? are they not ( as I promised thee ) friends with thee .

AP.

Friends with mee ? nay rather frenzy : I neuer knewe them in such a case , in all my life .

MEN.

Sure they dranke too much , and are mad for loue of thee .

AP.

They want common Sense among'st them : there 's such a Auditus is starke deafe , and wonders why Men speake so softly that he cannot here them : Visiu hath drunke himselfe ●●a●ke blind , and therefore imagineth himselfe to bee Polyphemus : Tactus is raging mad , and cannot bee otherwise perswaded , but hee is Hercules furens ; there 's such conceits amongst them .

ACT. 5. SCENA . 6. VISVS , APPETITVS . MENDATIO . VIS. O that I could but finde the villaine Outis , Outis the villaine , that thus blinded mee . MEN. Who is this ? Visus ? AP. I , I , I , otherwise called Polyphemus . VIS : By heauens bright Sunne , the dayes most glorious eye , That lightneth all the world but Polypheme , And by myne eye that once was answerable Vnto that Sunne , but now 's extinguished . MEN. He can see to sweare mee thinkes ? VIS. If I but once lay hands vpon the slaue , That thus hath rob'd mee of my dearest tewell , I le rend the Milcreant into a thousand peeces . And gnash his trembling members 'twixt my teeth , Drinking his liue-warme blood to satissie , The boyling thirst of paine and surio●snesse , That thus exasperates great Polypheme . MEN.

'Pray thee Appetitus see how hee graspes for that hee would be loath to finde .

AP. What 's that ? a stumbling block ? VIS , These hands , that whilom tote vp sturdy Oakes , And rent the rock that dasht out Acis braines , Both in the stole-blisse of my Galatea , Serue now ( ô misery ) to no better vse , But for bad guides to my vnskilfull feete . Neuer accustomed thus to be directed . MEN.

As I am a rogue , hee wants nothing but a wheele , to make him the true picture of Fortune ; how saist ? what shall we play at blind-man-buffe with him ?

AP. I if thou wilt , but first i le trie whether he can see ! VIS. Find me out Outis , search the rocks , and woods , The hilles and dales , and all the Coast's adioyning . That I may haue him , and reuenge my wrong , AP. Visus mee thinkes your eyes are well enough . VIS. What 's hee that calles mee Visus ? do'st not know . ( They run about him , playing with him , and abusing him . ) AP. To him Mendatio , to him , to h●n . MEN.

There , there Appetitus , hee comes , he comes ; ware ware , he comes , ha , ha , ha , ha ,

( Visus stambles falles downe , and sits still ,

ACT. 5. SCENE . 7. MENDATIO . APPETITVS , TACTVS with a great black lack in his hand . MEN : Is this he that thinkes himselfe Hercules ? AP. I , willt see mee out-swagger him ? MEN.

I do , do , I loue not to sport with such mad play-fellowes ; tickle him Appetitus , tickle him , tickle him .

Exit Mendatio TAC. Haue I not here the great and puissant Club , Where with I conquered three Chopt Cerberus . APP. Haue I not here the sharpe , and warlike teeth , That at one break-fast quaild thrice three hogg's faces ? TAC. And are not these Alcides brawny armes , That rent the Lyons iawes and kill'd the boare ? AP. And is not this the Stomacke that defeated Nyne yards of pudding , and a ranke of pyes ? TAC. Did nor I crop the seauen-fold Hydras crest , And with a riuer clensed Augeas stable ? AP. Did not I crush a seuen-fold Custards crust , And with my tongue , swept a well furnisht table ? TAC. Did not these feete and hands oretake and slay , The nimble Stagge , and fierce impetuous bull ? AP. Did not this throat at one good meale deuoure , That Stagges sweet venison , and that strong Bulls beefe ? TAC. shall Hercules be thus difparaged ? Iuno ! you pouting . Queane , you lowing trull ? Take heede I take you not ; for by Ioues thunder I le be reueng'd ( Appetitus drawes Visus backward from Tactus . AP. Why Visus , Visus . will you be kill'd ? away , away . Exit Visus . TAC. Who haue we here , see , see the Giant Cacus , Drawes an Oxe backward to his theeuish den , Hath this deuise so long deluded mee ? Monster of men Cacus restore my cattle , Or instantly I le crush thy idle Cox-combe . And dash thy doltish braines against thy Caue . AP. Cacus , I Cacus ? ha , ha , ha . Tactus you mistake mee . I am yours to command . Appetitus . TAC. Art Appetitus ? Th' art so ; run quickly villaine . Fetch a whole Oxe to satissie my stomacke . AP. Fetch an Alle to keepe you company . TAC. Then downe to Hell , tell Pluto Prince of Diuells , That great Alcides want's a kitchen wench . To turne his spit , command him from my selfe ! To send vp Proserpine shee'● serue the turne . AP. I must finde you meate and the Diuell finde you cookes Which is the next way ? TAC. Follow the beaten path thou canst not misse it T is a wide Causie that conducteth thether , An easie tract and downe hill all the way , But if the blacke Prince will not send her quickly , But still detaine her for his bed-fellow , Tell him I le drag him from his iron chayre , By the steele tresses , and then sow him fast , With the three furies in a letherne bag . And thus will drowne them in the Ocean . ( he powres the Iack of beere vpon Appetitus ) AP.

You had better keepe him aliue to light Tobacco-pipes ▪ or to sweepe chimneys .

TAC. Act thou not gone , nay then i le send thy soule , Before thee , 't will do thy message sooner ( tiffe , tiffe . ) AP. Hercules , Hercules , Hercules ? do not you heare Omphal●● Hearke how she calles you , hearke ? TAC. T is shee indeed I know her sugred voice ? Omphale deare Command resse of my life My thoughts repose , sweet Center of my cares Where all my hopes , and best desires take rest . Lo ! where the mighty Sonne of Iupiter Throwes himselfe Capture at your conquering feete Do not disdaine my voluntary humblenesse . Accept my seruice , blesse me with commanding , I will performe the hardest imposition And run through twelue newe labours for thy sake , Omphale deare ▪ ommandresse of my life . APP. Do you not see how she beckons to you to follow her ? Looke how she 〈◊〉 her distaffe , looke you ? TAC. Where is she gone , that I may follow her ? Omphale stay , stay , take thy Hercules ! APP. There there man , you are right . Exit Tactus .

ACT. 5. SCENE . 8. APPETITVS Solut. APP. What a strange temper are the Senses in ? How come their witts thus topsie-turuie turn'd ? Hercules Tactus , Visus Polypheme , Two goodly surnames haue they purchased : By the rare Ambrosian of an Oyste ●ie ; They haue got such proud imaginatious , That I could wish I were mad for company : But since my fortunes cannot stretch so high , I le rest contented with this wise estate .

ACT. 5. SCEN. 9. APPETITVS . AVDITVS with a Candlestick . APP. What more anger ? Auditus got abroad too . AVD. Take this abuse at base Olfactus hands ? What did he challenge me to meete me here , And is not come ? well I le proclaime the slaue , The vilest dastard that ere broke his word ; But stay yonder 's Appetitus . APP. I pray you Auditus , what ailes you ? AVD. Ha , ha ! APP. What ailes you ? AVD. Ha! what saist thou ? APP. Who hath abus'd you thus ? AVD. Why do'st thou whisper thus ? Canst not speake out ? APP.

Saue me I had cleane forgotten ; why are you so angry Auditus●

AV. Bite vs , who dare bite vs ? AP.

I talke of no bitting , I say what s the matter betweene Olfactus and you ?

AV.

Will Olsactus bite mee ? do if he dares , would he would meete me here according to his promise : Mine eares are somwhat thicke of late , I pray thee speake out lowder .

AP.

Ha ha ha ha this is sine i'faith : ha , ha , ha . Heare you , haue you lost your eares at supper .

AV. Excellent cheare at supper I confesse it : But when 't is sawc'd with sowre contentions , And breeds such quarrells 't is intollerable , AP.

Pish , pish this is my question . Hath your supper spoild your hearing ?

AV. Hearing at supper , tell not me of hearing : But if thou saw'st Olfactus , bring mee to him . AP , I aske you whether you haue lost your hearing ? AV. O dost thou heare them ring ? what a griefe is this Thus to be deafe , and loose such harmony ? Wretched Auditus nowe shalt thou neuer here The pleasing changes that a well tun'd Corde , Of trowling bells , will make , when they are true rung . AP.

Heer 's a do indeed , I thinke he is mad , as well as drunk or deafe .

AVD. Ha. What 's that . AP. I say you haue made me hoarse with speaking so loude . AVD. Ha , what say'st thou of a creaking Crou'd ? AP. I am hoarce I tell you , and my head akes . AV. Oh I vnderstand thee ! the first croud was made of a horse-head T is true , the sinding of a dead horse-head , Was the first inuention of string instruments , Whence rose the Gitterme , Viall , and the Lute : Though others thinke the Lute was first deuis'd , In imitation of a Tortesse back Whose sinewes parched by Apollo's beames , Ecchoed about the concaue of the shell , And seeing the shortest and smallest gaue shrillest sound , They found out frets whole sweet diuersity ( Well couched by the skill-full learned fingers ) Raiseth so strange a multitude of Cordes , Which their opinion many do confirme , Because Testudo signifyes a Lute . But if I by no meanes . — AP.

Nay if you begin to criticke once , wee shal neuer haue done .

( Exit Appctitus and carries away Auditus perforce

ACT. 5. SCEN. 10. CRAPVLA a fat bellied slaue , clothed in a light vaile of Sarsnet , a Garland of vi●c-l●aues on his head . &c. SOMNVS in a mantle of blacke Cobwe●-laune , downe to the foote ouer a auskie coloured taffata Coate , and a Crowne of poppy tops on his head , a company of darke coloured silke scarfs in one hand , a Mace of Poppey in the other , leaning his head upon a pillow on Crapula's shoulders . CRA. Somnus , good Somnus , sweet Somnus , come a pace ! SOM.

Hei-oh , oh , are you sure they be so ? oho , ho , oho , hei , waw ?

What good can I do ? ou , hoh , hawe . CRA. Why I tell you vnlesse you helpe ( Somnus fals downe and sleepes ) Soft sonne of night , right heyre to Quietnesse , Labours repose , lifes best restoratiue , Digestions carefull Nurse , blouds Comforter , Wits helpe , thoughts charme , the stay of Microcosme , Sweet Somnus cheefest enemy to Care : My dearest friend , liftvp thy lumpish head , Ope thy dull eyes , shake of this drowsines , Rowse vp thy selfe . SOMNVS .

O Crapula , how now , how now , oh oh howe whose there ?

Crapula speake quickly what 's the matter ? CRA. As I told you , the noble Senses peeres of Microcosme ; Will eft soone fall to ruine perpetuall , Vnlesse your readie helping hand recure them : Lately they banqueted at Gustus table . And there fell madde , or drunke , I know not whether , So that it 's doubtfull in these outragious fits , That these murther one another . SOM. Feare it not if they haue scapt already , Bring me to them , or them to me , I le quickly make them know the power , Of my large stretcht authoritie , These copies of sleepe wherewith I wont to bind , The strongest armes that ere resisted me , Shall be the meanes , whereby I will correct The Senses outrage , and distemperature . CRA. Thankes gentle Somnus , I le go seeke them out , And bring then to you soone as possible . SOM. Dispatch it quickly , least I fall a sleep for want of worke . CRA. Stand still , stand still ? Visus I thinke comes yonder . If you thinke good , begin and bind him first : For he made fast , the rest will soone be quiet . Exit Crapula .

ACT. 5. SCEN. 11. VISVS . SOMNVS . VIS. Sage Telemus , I now too late admire , Thy deepe fore-sight and skill in Prophecie , Who whilome toldst me , that in time to come Vlisses should depriue me of my sight . And now the slaue that marcht in Outis name , Is prou'd V●sses , and by this deuice , Hath scapt my hands , and fled away by Sea , Leauing me desolate in eternall night . Ah wretched Polypheme , where 's all thy hope , And longing for thy beautious Galatea ? Shee scornd thee once , but now she will detest , And loath to looke vpon thy darkned face : Aye me most miserable Polphemus . But as for 〈◊〉 , heauen and earth Send vengeance euer on thy damned head . In iust reuenge of my great iniurie . Somnus binds him . Who is he that dares to touch me ? Cyclops come ? Come all yee Cyclop's helpe to rescue me . Somnus charmes him , he sleepes . SOM. There rest thy selfe and let thy quiet sleepe , Restore thy weake immaginations .

ACT. 5. SCEN. 12. LINGVA , SOMNVS , VISVS . LIN. Ha , ha , ha : oh how my splene is tickled with this sporte . The madding Senses make about the woods , It cheeres my soule and makes my bodie fat : To laugh at their mischances , ha , ha ▪ ha , ha , Heigh ho , the stitch hath caught me , oh my heart ! Would I had one to hold my sides a while , That I might laugh a fresh : oh how they runne , And chafe , and sweare , and threaten one another , ( Somnus bind's her . Ay me , out alas , ay me help , help , who 's this that bind's me ? Helpe Mendatio , Mendatio helpe , here s one will rauish me . SOM. Lingua content your selfe you must be bound . LING.

What a spight 's this ? are my nailes par'd so neere ? Can I not scratch his eies out ? What haue I done ? what ? doe you meane to kill me ? murder , murder , murder ,

( she fall's a sleepe )

ACT. 5. SCEN. 13. GVSTVS with a voiding knife in his hand , SOMNVS , LINGVA , VISVS . GVST. Who cries out murder ! What a woman slaine ? My Ladie Lingua dead ? oh Heauens iniust Can you behold this fact , this bloudie fact ! And shower not fire vpon the murderer ? Ah peerelesse Lingua mistresse of heauenly words , Sweete tongue of eloquence , the life of fame , Heart's deare enchauntresse ▪ what disaster fates Haue reft this Iewell from our common-wealth . Gustus the rubie that adornes thy ringe , Loe heere defect , how shalt thou lead thy daies , Wanting the sweete Companion of thy life . But in darke sorrowe and dull melancholie , But staie ? whose this ? inhumane wretch : Blou●-●hi●stie miscreant , is this thy handie worke ? To kill a woman , a harmelesse Ladie ? Villaine prepare thy selfe drawe , or i le sheath my faucheon in thy sides . There take the guerdon fit for murderers . Gustus offers to runne at Somnus but beeing suddenly charmed fall's a sleepe . SOM.

Heer 's such a stirre I neuer knewe the Senses in such disorder .

LING.

Ha , ha , ha ; Mendacio , Mendicio ? See how Visus hath broke his fore-head against the oake yonder , ha , ha , ha , ha .

SOM.

Howe now ? Is not Lingua bound sufficientlie ? I haue more trouble to make one wom in sleepe , then all the world besides they be so full of tattle .

ACT. 5. SCEN. 14. SOMNVS , CRAPVLA , ( LINGVA , VISVS , GVSTVS , ) A VDITVS , 〈◊〉 OLFACTVS by the nose , and OLFACTVS wringing AVDITVS by the eares . AVD. Oh mine eares , mine eares , mine eares . OLF. Oh my nose , my nose , my nose , CRAP.

Leaue , leaue at length these base contentions , Olfactus let him go ?

OLF. Let him first loose my nose ? CRAP. Good Qu litus giue ouer ? AVD. IIe haue his life that sought to kill mee . SOM. Come , come I le end this quarrell , bind him Crapula ! They binde them both .

ACT. 5. SCEN. 15. TACTVS , with the robe in his hand , SOMNVS , CRAPVLA , LINGVA , GVSTVS , OLFACTVS , VISVS , AVDITVS . TAC. Thankes Deianeira for thy kind remembrance , T is a faire shirt I le weare it for thy sake . CRAP. Somnus heer 's 〈◊〉 worse then all his sellowes Stay but a while and you shall see him rage ! SOM. What will he do ? see that hee scapes vs not ! TACT. T is a good shirt , it fitt's me passing well , T is verie warme indeede , but what s the matter . Me thinkes I am some-what hotter then I was , My heart beates faster then t was wont to do My braines enflamed , my temples ake extreamely , oh , oh , Oh what a wild-fire creepes amonge my bowells : Aetna 's with in my breast , my marrowe flies , And Tunes about my bones , oh my sides : My sides , my raines , my head my raines , my head ; My heart , my heart , my liuer , my liuer , oh , I burne , I burne , I burne oh how I burne : With scorching heate of implacable fire , I burne extreame with flames vnsufferable , SOM. Sure he doth but trie how to act Hercules : TACT. Is it this shirt that boiles me thus ? oh heauens , It fires me worse , and heates more furiously Then loues dire thunderbolts ; oh miserable , They bide lesse paine that bathe in Phlegeton ; Could not the triple kingdome of the world , Heauen , earth and hell destroie great Hercul● ? Could not the damned sprights of hatefull Inno ? Nor the great daungers of my labours kill me ? Am I the mighty sonne of inp●●er ? And shall this poisned linnen thus consume me ? Shall I be burnt ? villaines flie vp to heauen , Bid 〈◊〉 muster vp a troupe of cloudes , And shower downe cataracts of raine to coole me ? Or elce I le breake her speckled bone in peeces ? Will ●●e not ? no she hates mee like her mistris ; Why then descend you roagues to the vile deepe , Fetch . 〈◊〉 hether charge him bring the sea , To quench these flames , or else the worlds faire frame : Wil be in greater danger to be burnt , Then when proud Phaeton ruld the Sunnes rich Chariot . SOM I le take that care the world shall not be burnt : If Somnus cords can hold you . Somnus binds him . TACT. What Vulcan's this that offers to inchaine , A greater souldier then the God of Mars . SOM. He that each night with bloudlesse battell conquers , The proudest conquerour that triumphs by warrs : CRA. Now Somnus there 's but onely one remayning , That was the author of these outrages . SOM. Who 's that ? is he vnder my Command ? CRA.

Yes , yes , yes , t is Appetitus ; if you go that way , and looke about those thickets , i le go hither , and search this groue , I doubt not but to finde him ?

SOM. Content . Exeunt Somnus , et Crapula .

ACT. 5. SCEN. 16. APPETITVS , IRRASCIBILIS , with a willowe in his hand pul'd vp by the rootes . SOMNVS , CRAPVLA . The Senses all a sleepe . APP. So now 's the time that I would gladly meete , These madding Senses that abus'd mee thus ; What ? haunt me like an owle ? make an Asse of me ? No they shall know , ●I scorne to serue such masters , As cannot master their affections , Their iniurie● haue chang'd my nature , Now I I le be no more called hungry parasite : But henceforth answere to the wrathfull name Of angry Appetite , my choller 's vp : 〈◊〉 coole me quickly with thy fanne , Ore●ce I le cut thy cheekes , why this is braue : Fa●●e better then to faune at Gustus table , For a few scrappes , no , no , such words as these , By Pluto stabbe the villaine , kill the slaue : By the infernall hagges , I le hough the rogue , And paunch the rascall that abusd me thus , Such words as these fitte angry Appetite . Enter CRAPVLA . CRA.

Somnus , Somnus , come hether , come hether quickly , hee 's here , hee 's here .

APP. I marry is he sirra , what of that ? base miscreant Cra● pula . CRA. O gentle Appetitus . APP.

You muddy gulche , darst looke me in the face , while mine eyes sparkle , with reuengfull fire ? ( tiff , toff , tiff , toff , )

CRA. Good Appetitus . APP. Peace you fat bawson , peace , ( tiff , toff , tiff , toff , ) Seest not this fatall engine of my wrath ? Villaine I le maule thee for thine old offences , And grinde thy bones to powder with this pestle : You when I had no weapons to defend me , Could beate me out of dores ; but now prepare , Make thy selfe ready , for thou shalt not scape . Thus doth the great reuengefull Appetite , Vpon his fatte foe , wreake his wrathfull spite . APPETITVS heaueth vp his club to braine CRAPVLA , but SOMNVS in the meane . time , catcheth him behind and binds him ? SOM. Why how now Crapula ? CRA. Am I not dead ? is not my soule departed ? SOM.

No , no , see where he lyes , that would haue ●iurt thee ? feare nothing ?

SOMNVS laies the Senses all in a circle , feele to feete , and wafts his wand ouer them , So rest you all in silent quietnesse , Let nothing wake you till the power of sleepe , With his sweete dew , cooling your braines inflamed , Hath rectified the vaine and idle thoughts , Bred by your surfet , and distemperature : Loe here the Senses late outragious , All in a round together sleepe like friends , For there 's no difference twixt the King and Clowne , The poore and rich , the beautious and deformed , Wrapt in the vaile of night , and bonds of sleepe , Without whose powre , and sweete dominion , Our life were Hell , and pleasure painfulnesse , The sting of enuie , and the dart of loue , Avarice talons , and the fire of hate : Would poison , wound , distract , and soone consume , The heart , the liuer life and minde of man ; The 〈◊〉 Mower , that with brawnie armes , Wi●●deth the crooked sithe , in many a swathe , Cutting the flowrie pride on the veluet plaine , Lies downe at night , and in the weaty folds Of his wiues armes , forgets his labour past , The painfull Marriner , and carefull Smith , The toyling Plowman , all Artificers , Most humbly yceld to my dominion , Without due rest , nothing is durable . Loe thus doth Somnus conquer all the world With his most awfull waud , and halfe the yeare Raignes ouer the best and proudest Emperours . Onely the nurslings of the Sisters nine , Rebels against me scorne my great command : And when darke night from her bedewy wings , Drops sleepie silence to the eyes of all , They onely wake , and with vnwearied toile , Labour to finde the Via lactea , That leads to the heauen of immortallitie , And by the loftie to towring of their minde , Fledgd with the feathers of a learned muse , They raise themselues vnto the highest pitch , Marrying base earth and heauen in a thought ; But thus I punish their rebellion , Their industrie was neuer yet rewarded , Better to sleepe then wake , and toile for nothing . Exeunt Somnus & Crapula .

ACTVS . 5. SCENA . 17. The fiue Senses , LINGVA , APPETITVS , all a sleepe , and dreaming , PHANTASTES , HEVRESIS . AVD.

So ' ho Rocwood , so ho Rocwood , Rocwood , your Organ , hay Chanter , Chanter , by 〈◊〉 hed-tyre it 's a very deepe mouth'd dogge , a most admirable crie of hounds , looke here , againe , againe , there , there , ah wa●e counter .

VIS.

Do you see the full Moone yonder , and not the man in it , why me thinkes 't is too , too euident , I see his dogge very plaine , and looke you , iust vnder his taile is a Thorne bush of Furres .

GVS .

'T will make a fine tooth-pick : that Larkes hee le there , ô do not burne it .

PHA.

Boy , Heuresis , what think'st thou I thinke , when I thinke nothing ?

HEV .

And it please you sir , I thinke you are deuising how to answer a man that askes you nothing .

PHA.

Well gest boy , but yet thou mistookst it , for I was thinking of the constancie of women , ( Apetitus snoares alowd . Beware sirra , take heede , I doubt me there 's some wild Boare lodged here about ? how now ? mee thinkes these be the Senses , ha ? in my conceit the elder brother of death has kist them .

TAC.

Oh , oh , oh , I am stabd , I am stab'd , holde your hand , oh , oh , oh .

PHA.

How now ? doe they talke in their sleepe ? are they not awake Heuresis ?

HEV .

No questionlesse , they be all fast a sleepe .

GVST.

Eate not too many of those Apples , they bee very sl●tiue ?

OLF.

Foh , foh , beate out this Dogge heare , foh , was it you Appetitus ?

AVD.

In faith it was most sweetly winded , whosoeuer it was , the warble is very good , and the horne is excellent ?

TAC.

Put on man , put on , keepe your head warme , 't is cold .

PHA.

Ha , ha , ha , ha , st , Heuresis , stirre not sirra .

App.

Shut the doore , the potte runnes ouer , sirra Cooke that will be a sweete Pastie , if you nibble the venison so ?

GVST.

Say you so , is a Marrow Pye the Helena of meates ? giue meet , if I playe not Paris hang mee , Boye a cleane Trencher ?

APP.

Serue vp , serue vp , this is a fatte Rabbet , would I might haue the maiden-head of it , come giue me the fish there , who hath medled with these maides ? ha ?

OLE .

Fie , shut your Snuffers doser for shame , 't is the worst smell that can be .

TAC.

O the crampe , the crampe , the crampe , my legge , my legge .

LING.

I must abroad presently , reach mee my best Necklace

presently .

PHA.

Ah Lingua are you there ?

AVD.

Here take this Rope , and I le helpe the leader close with the second Bell : Fie , fie , there is a goodly peale cleane spoilde .

VIS.

I le lay my life that Gentlewoman is painted : well . well I know it , marke but her nose , doe you not see the complection crack out , I must confesse 't is a good picture .

TAC.

Ha , ha , ha , fie , I pray you leaue , you tickle me so , oh , ah , ha , ha , take away your hands I cannot indure , ah you tickle me , ah , ha , ha , ha , ah .

VIS.

Hai , rett , rett , rett , now bird , now , — looke about that bush , she trust her thereabout , — here she is , ware wing Cater , ware wing , auaunt .

LING.

Mum , mum , mum , mum .

PHA.

st , sirra take heede you wake her not .

HEV .

I knowe sir shee is fast a sleepe , for her mouth is shutte .

LING.

This 't is , to venture vpon such vncertainties , to loose so rich a Crowne to no end , well , well .

PHA.

Ha , ha , ha , wee shall here auon , where shee lost her maiden-head , st , boy , my Lord Vicegerent , and Maister Register are hard by , runne quickly , tell them of this accident , wish them come softly .

Exit Heuresis . LING.

Mendatio neuer talke farther , I doubt'tis past recouery , and my Robe likewise , I shall neuer haue them againe , well , well .

PHA.

How ? her Crowne , and her Roabe , neuer recouer them ? hum , wast not said to bee left by Memory ? ha ? I coniecture here 's some knauery-fast lockt with sleepe , in good faith . Was that Crowne and Garment yours Lingua ?

LING.

I marry were they , and that some body hath felt , and shall feele more , if I liue .

PHA.

O strange , she answers in her sleepe to my question , but how come the Senses to striue for it ?

LING

Why , I laide vpon purpose in their way , that they might fall together by the eares .

PHA.

What a strange thing is this ?

ACT. 5. SCENA . 18. The Senses , APPETITVS and LINGVA a sleepe . PHANTASTES . COMV . SENSVS . MEMORIA . ANAMNESTES . PHA

st , my Lord , softly , softly , here 's the notablest peece of treason discouered , how say you Lingu . set all the Senses at ods , she hath confest it to me in her sleepe .

COM SEN.

Is t possible Maister Register ? did you euer know any talke in their sleepe ?

MEM.

I remember my Lord many haue done so very oft , but women are troubled , especially with this talking disease , many of them haue I heard answer in their dreames , and tell what they did all day awake .

ANAM.

By the same token , there was a wanton maide , that being askt by her Mother , what such a one did with her so late one night in such a roome , she presently said , that —

MEM.

Peace you vilde rake hell , is such a iest fitte for this company , no more I say sirra .

PHA.

My Lord will you belieue your owne eares , you shall heare her answere me , as directly and truely as my be . Lingua , what did you with the Crowne and garments .

LING.

I le tell thee Mendac●● .

PHA.

Shee thinkes Mendacio speakes to her , marke nowe , marke howe truely shee will answere : what say you Madame ?

LING.

I say Phantastes is a foolish transparent gull ; a meere fanatick nupson in my immagination not worthie to sit as a Iudges assistant .

COM. SEN.

Ha , ha , ha , howe truely and directly shee answeres .

PHA.

Faw , faw , she dreames now she knowes not what shee saies , I trie her once againe : Madame ? what remedie can you haue for your greate losses ?

LING.

O are you come Acrasia ? welcome , welcome , boy reach a Cushion sit downe good 〈◊〉 ? I am so beholding to you , your potion wrought exceedinglie , the senses were so mad , did not you see how they raged about the woods ?

COM. SEN.

Hum , Acrasia ? is Acrasia her confederate ? my life that witch hath wrought some villany , — Linguariseth in her sleepe , and walketh . how 's this ? is shee a sleepe ? haue you seene one walke thus before ?

MEM.

It is a very common thinge , I haue seene many sicke of the Peripatetick disease .

ANA.

By the same token my Lord , I knewe one that went abroad in his sleepe , bent his bowe , shot at a Magpie , kild her , fetcht his arrowe , came home , lockt the doores , and went to bed againe .

COM. SEN.

What should be the reason of it ?

MEM.

I remember 〈◊〉 told mee the reason once , as I thinke thus : The nerues that carrie the mouing faculty , from the braines , to the thighes , legges , feete , and armes , are wider farre then the other nerues , wherfore they are not so easily stopt with the vapours of sleepe , but are night and daie ready to performe what fancy shall command them .

COM. SEN.

It may bee so , but Phantastes enquire more of Acrasia .

PHA.

What did you with the potion Acrasia made you :

LIN.

Gaue it to the Senses , and made them as madde as — well , If I cannot recouer it — let it goe , I le not leaue them thus .

She lies downe againe . COM. SEN.

Boy a wake the Senses there .

AN.

Hoe , hoe , Auditus , vp , vp , so hoe , Olfactus haue at your nose , vp Visus , Gustus , Tactus , vp : What can you not feele a pinch ? haue at you with a pinne .

TAC. Oh , you stab me , oh , COM SEN. Tactus , know you how you came hither : TAC. No my Lord , not I , this I remember , We sup't with Gustus , and had wine good store , Where of I thinke I tasted liberally . Amongst the rest , wee drunke a composition , Of a most dellicate , and pleasant rellish , That made our braynes , somewhat irregular .

ACT. 5 , SCEN. 19. The Senses awake , LINGVA asleepe , COMMVNIS SINSVS MEMORY , PHANTASTES , ANAMNESTES , HEVRESIS Drawing CRAPVLA . HEV .

My Lord , here 's a fat rascall was lurking in a bushe very suspitiously , his name he sayes is Crapula .

COM. SEN.

Sirrah , speake quickly what you knowe of these troubles ,

CRA ,

Nothing my Lord , but that the Senses were madde , and that Somnus at my request layd them asleepe , in hope to recouer them .

COM. SE.

Why then t is too euident , Acrasia at Lingua's request , bewitcht the Senses , wake her quickly Heuresis .

LIN.

Heigh ho , out alas , aye mee , where am I ? how came I here ? where am I ? ah .

COM. SEN.

Lingua looke not so strangely vpon the matter , you haue confest in your sleepe , that with a Crowne , and a Roabe , you haue disturb'd the Senses , vsing a crafty helpe to enrage them , can you deny it ?

LIN.

Aye mee , most miserable wretch , I beseech your Lordship forgiue me .

COM , SEN

No , no , t is a fault vnpardonable ,

( He consults with Memory ) PHAN.

In my conceipt Lingua , you should seale vp your lippes , when you go to bed , these Feminine tongues be so glibbe .

COM. SEN.

Visus , Tactus , and the rest , our former sentence concerning you , wee confirme as irreuocable , and establish the Crowne to you Visus , and the Roabe to you Tactus , but as for you Lingua —

LIN.

Let mee haue mine owne , howsoeuer you determine , I beseech you .

COM. SEN.

That may not bee , your goods are fallen into our hands , my sentence cannot bee recall'd , you may see , those that seeke what is not theirs , oftentimes loose what 's their owne : Therefore Lingua graunting you your life , I commit you to close prison , in Gustus his house , and charge you Gustus , to keepe her vnder the custody of two strong doores , and euery day till she come to 80. yeares of age , see she be well garded with 30. tall watchmen , without whose licence shee shall by no meanes wagge abroad , neuerthelesse vse her Lady-like , according to her estate .

PHAN.

I pray you my Lord adde this to the iudgement that whensoeuer she obtayneth licence to walke abroad , in token the Tongue was the cause of her offence , let her weare a veluet hood , made iust in the fashion of a great Tongue , in my conceit 't is a verye pritty Embleme of a Woman ,

TAC.

My Lord , shee hath a vild boy to her page , a cheefe agent in this treason , his name 's Mendatio .

COM. SEN.

Ha ? well , I will inflict this punishment on him for this time , let him be soundly whipt , and euer after though he shall strengthen his speeches with the sinewes of Truth , yet none shall beleeue him .

PHA.

In my imagination my Lord , the Day is dead to the great toe , and in my conceit it growes darke , by which I coniecture it will be cold , and therefore in my fancie , and opinion , 't is best to repaire to our lodgings .

Exeunt omnes , praeter Anamnestes & Appetitus .

ACTVS . 5. SCENA . 20. ANAMNESTES , APPETITVS a sleepe in a corner . ANA.

What 's this ? a fellow whispering so closely with the Earth ? so , ho , so , ho : Appetitus ? faith now I thinke Morpheus himselfe hath beene here , vp with a poxe to you , vp you luske , I haue such newes to tell thee sirta : all the Senses are well , and Lingua is proued guilty , vp , vp , vp , I neuer knew him so fast a sleepe in my life .

( Appetitus snorts . ) Nay then haue at you a fresh , ( tiff , toff , tiff , toff . ) APP.

Iogge me once againe , and I le throw this whole messe of pottage in your face , cannot one stand quiet at the dresser for you ?

ANA.

Ha , ha , ha , I thinke it 's impossible for him to sleepe longer then hee dreames of his victuals . What Appetitus , vp quickly , quickly vp , Appetitus , quickly sirra , ( toff , toff , toff , toff , )

APP.

I le come presently , but I hope you le stay till they bee roasted , will you eate them rawe ?

ANA.

Rosted ? ha , ha , ha , ha , vp , vp , vp , away ,

APP.

Reach the sauce quickly , here 's no Sugar , whaw , wam , oh , ou , oh .

ANA.

What neuer wake ? ( Tiffe , toff , tiff , toff , ) wilt neuer be ? Then I must trie another way I see .

Epilogus . IVdicious friends , it is so late at night , I cannot waken hungrie Appetite : Then since the cloase vpon his rising stands , Let me obtaine this at your courteous hands , Trie if the friendly opportunitie , Of your good will , and gratious Plauditie , With the thrice welcome mumure it shall keepe , Can begge this prisoner from the bands of sleepe .

Vpon the Plaudite , APPETITVS awakes , and runnes in after ANAMNESTES .

FINIS .